#ships Davekat but no one must know

[meowmeow518]

Brick has seen all of homestuck.

[alopecoiddaydream]

The reason I, like, never post my DaveKat art aside from that one post is bc I am TERRIFIED of mischaracterizing them. I hope this helps.

[sonic-justice-real-for]

i could never be as mad at homestuck as other people are (which i think a lot of them are being a tad dramatic and reactionary tbh, but lets not get into that) because i was one of the ten davekat otp truthers in 2011 and we all know how that turned out

they had had three conversations at that point and two of those involved a third party

the only one they had with each other alone was extremely short and it was just being invited to a group chat

i printed all three of these out. i was obsessed.

so you must understand. you must understand that no flaw could have ruined the beautiful shiny star that was davekat being both canon and somehow the healthiest relationship in the entire comic by the end of it. i actually stopped having the concept of otps after that. you cant beat that. nothing can beat that.

anyways fuck you to that one ka/re/zi shipper from the eighth grade who lorded it over me that it was the canon karkat ship LOOK WHOS LAUGHING NOW

[designatedkilljoy]

You MUST share your TavKat thoughts with the world

aw me?? my thoughts?? okay just cause you asked

tavkat is the one ship i always end up circling back to, like sure ill end up liking a ship for a long while but ill always end up back to tavkat and i think its because they are so versatile but also the most understandable pairing dare i say its better then davekat

karkat is everything tavros lacks and vise versa: hes loud hes feisty he doesnt take shit from anyone but hes also ignorant and only sees things from his point of view

tavros is understanding hes nice to everyone he wants to be brave but hes also a pushover and doesnt know how to voice his emotions to people

they benefit from eachother so much, tavros is karkats stabilizer he can calm him down by just touching his hand but also open his eyes to another perspective and in return karkat is tavros's voice of reason he points out how wrong tavros is treated which is why they are so cute auugghhh (@///@;)

and on the canon side of things back in openbound we ended up learning tavros goes to karkat for all of his advice, which mind you he doesnt go to ARADIA for (who seems to be the closest troll to him seeing as they were flarpmates) he sees karkat as someone he can trust someone whos advice helps him feel more content with his problems and better deal with them then let them be, karkat even took the time to notice tavros's interest in fiduspawn its so cute theyre so cute and cherry pairs so well with cinnamon dont you think??

im proud to hold the title of the tavkat account U_U

[daedalusdavinci]

29

29. Favourite fanfiction(s) of your ship(s)?

you may not know this already, but i have a recs tag where i post exactly this in depth! but i LOVE to boost my favorite fics, so ill do it all again, just for you anon <3 if you want more recs for any of these ships, i promise there are TONS in that tag, (or you can send me another ask for something more specific,) but ill stick to just my absolute top reads in this post

my favorite fanfictions of my favorite (homestuck) ships

starting under the cut bc it got long slkdjnfsjdfn

for halquius, the funniest hs ship-

Second Chances by @mtjester

Lil Hal never said anything about what it meant to be the AI avatar of the God of Heart. After he and Equius had split, everyone had assumed he would go back to Dirk and serve as a sort of spirit companion, the hyper-perceptive Shades of the God of Heart. But to that, he had simply responded, “Nah.” He stayed firmly on Equius’s face, and Equius asked him no questions about it.

this fic is so in character. it captures some of my favorite things about this ship, like how obnoxious they are and the very specific ways they click and enable each other. it also has an absolutely fantastic sequel! its short and funny, and always the first rec i drop for this specific ship.

(the second rec i would drop is my own fic, Hold Me (Accountable). its a space au with mechanic!equius and bounty hunter!AR, and i maintain that its hilarious and a must read if you like this ship at all.)

my resident favorite ship, eridave-

Lee Shore by @jumpingjacktrash

“I asked Egbert to ask you if you have Ampora’s new contact information.” “No, man, I didn’t even know the old info was old. How can you not have a contact for him? It’s not like he changed his chumhandle, email, and phone number all at once.” “As a matter of fact, that is apparently exactly what he did. And deleted his Facebook and his photo blog.” “Dramariffic.” In the years after the game, the twelve trolls and eight humans have tried to stick together, because no one else would understand. When Eridan misses one of their yearly reunions, Dave makes an impulsive decision to go find him.

ive said it before, and ill say it again. this is THE eridave fic. this is the one. if you only ever read one (and its not one of mine), it should be this one. i love how dave takes eridan seriously without enabling him, and how easily they both cut through each others bullshit. the handling of eridans character is DELICIOUS, and i literally think about his relationships with the other trolls in this fic all the time. i dont even know how many times ive read this fic but it goes so hard.

davekat, the classic-

Fait Accompli(cation) by @dragonomatopoeia on tumblr

In Which a Mutant and an Alien Meander Towards a Quadrant of Indeterminate Identity at a Glacial Pace While Examining the Internalized Toxicity Perpetuated by Their Respective Societies, and The Nature of Friendship is Determined to Be More Universal Than Originally Theorized [Banned In Alternia]

this is the quintessential meteor fic. its everything you could ever want in a meteorfic, and deals very heavily with karkat and dave unpacking toxic cultural ideas from their respective planets and coming to a new understanding of who they want to be together. its long, its slowburn, its everything, and the authors put SO much obvious effort and research into getting the voices just right, i still think about and admire it years and years later.

The Eurydice Suite, v2.0 by @callmearcturus

Dream-sharing: a highly illegal little industry in which agents delve into people’s dreams, and unearth their deepest secrets and memories. Within this business, the Strider-Lalondes are known as the best there is — until Dirk Strider gets his fool-ass trapped within the confines of his own subconscious, with his Auto-Responder playing malicious prison warden. To save him, the best and brightest dreamers in the world will have to form a team. Backed by the token rich friend, lead by the surliest extractor ever bribed out of retirement, haunted by the shade of the latest, greatest agent in the biz, and on the run through a dangerous tiered dream in a hostile mind… It’s going to take a miracle to pull this one off.

arc doesnt need any publicity from me, bigname that they are, but i gotta say of all of their fics this one is one i still come back to and reread from time to time all these years later. the au is really cool, and the drama is potent. karkat and dave have a very loaded and complicated, vaguely antagonistic relationship that takes time to get resolved, and you dont see that very often in davekat fics!

davekat, the superior-

Crash Standing by @asukaskerian

It’s been eight days since the end of Sburb and Davesprite is not coping especially well.

IVE SAID IT BEFORE ILL SAY IT AGAIN. BEST. HOMESTUCK FIC. dont look at how many times ive read this dont worry about it. davespritekat is just better than davekat, okay? im sorry. everything is better w davesprite. if youre a davesprite fan i dont even have to say anything else you already know youve gotta read this, but for people who arent- dude, this fic. its such a poignant snapshot of the awkwardness of teenagerdom, especially as a very traumatized teen, and the interpersonal relationships between characters outside of the main two are just so delightful. the john&dave&davesprite dynamic is one i think about constantly, and me and my friend STILL have running jokes about davesprite co< kanaya, which is perhaps the greatest thing to ever be invented, and we have fully incorporated the phrase "sparkle princess alone time" into our day to day vocabulary. i LOVE the gossip chumps, they are everything to me. underrated friendship.

another classic age ship, johndave-

play ball! by spacepuck

When Dave moves to Washington, he expects to spend the summer alone in his room until school starts. But when he stumbles on the sandlot, he discovers a baseball team needing one more player. He quickly gets dragged into the mix, but there's just one problem: he knows absolute dicksquat about the game. Luckily, John, the high school's best baseball player, swoops in to help. (this is basically a sandlot/baseball au. happy summer!)

ive actually been meaning to reread this one, since its been a long time. im adding it to my marked for later rn. i think of all the johndave fics i ever read, this is the one i think about the most years later. ive never read a fic that just. FELT like summer the way this one does. its intimate and sweet and its got the exact feeling of a hot summer night, lying in the grass and staring up at the stars with your best friend. when i read a johndave fic, i want some real fuckin falling in love with your friend as a stupid kid shit, and this is that

dirkjohn-

Vanitas Vanitatum by @oxfordroulette

You've determined the hobbies of the monarch you serve are as follows: 1. Ill-timed pranks. 2. Cooking. 3. Subconsciously pulling elaborate political schemes off perfectly, ad infinitum, every one of which inches his mind closer to some ineffable dark chasm you're curious to find the depth of. Anyway, he makes damn good lasagna.

when i tell you this is the best dirkjohn fic i mean nothing else has ever even COMPARED, and that includes my own goddamn fic. fuck ammfh, read THIS. its political intrigue and messy, MESSY relationships, and a john who is an absolute delightful trickster with serious fucking PROBLEMS. the john/vriska/dirk friendship in this is everything, and the design of the strilondes is so fucking cool??? im ngl i think about those blindfolds everyyy time i make an au. its magic, its kingdomstuck, its dnd, its got illustrations, its EVERYTHING. oxfordRoulette is like a fucking professional at writing fics where everyone kind of sucks and is super toxic and a little bit evil and its THE BEST. LOVE this fic

for bropsii-

just read anything by captorvatiing. just go do that. or read the entirety of the @askpsii blog again?? for the ten millionth time? and cry about how theres like no content.

all of my other favorite ships are too niche to have fics </3 lol. read MY fics, thats what you should do. just go read the fics for the tags that i personally started sldkjfnsdlfsdf

ALSO YOU SHOULD READ LET'S BE OUTCASTS BY @curlicuecal. this is the only time ill ever recommend anything thats incomplete but GOD ITS SO GOOD. i wont say anything else. just that its SO. GOOD. and if you like hal or the exiles you will LOVE this

[davekat-sucks]

wait

if hussie literally had both Vriska and Caliborn endorce the davekat, was he writitng it bad on purpose? like caliborn was not interested in having dirk draw art of dirk and jake during that one section in act 6, caliborn is not usually running around shipping gay men, if he endorsed out davekat in during homosuck hussie must know that would reflect badly on the ship?

point is that mabye the idea is that hussie planned meat dave and karkat are gonna break down at some point? or mabye he just changed his mind like a shitass

If he plans to break them up, then it is a slow build break up. But I would admire that Hussie and likely James/HICU that they are stringing along Davekat fans to think they have great Davekat moments, only for them to sink the ship hard once they break off. Both in Meat and Candy Timeline because FUCK HOMESTUCK AND FUCK DAVEKAT FANS!

[fandomanimatic-tournament]

Fandom song animatic tournament: Bracket 1 Side B

Charlie's Inferno ([blank]'s Inferno) - That Handsome Devil

" 'Excuse me, sir! There must be someone you've confused me for If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform I go to church on Sunday Truly, usually more!' Screaming at the angels while they pushed him through the door "

Lemon Boy - Cavetown

"Lemon Boy and me started to get along together I helped him plant his seeds And we'd mow the lawn in bad weather It's actually pretty easy being nice to a bitter boy like him So, I got myself a citrus friend"

Remember that we're voting on how Iconic they are for ANIMATICS, not for the song itself. In order to make things fair, the tone and mood of the song should not affect how iconic it is (for example, a serious song should not be considered more iconic than a joke song just because it's serious)

Propaganda and animatic links of the songs under the cut:

Charlie's Inferno ([blank]'s Inferno) - That Handsome Devil

Propaganda:

No Propaganda Submitted

Animatics with the song:

Smiling Friends

SCU Animatic

Mob Psycho 100 Reigen

HLVRAI Animatic

Deltarune

Lemon Boy - Cavetown

Propaganda:

Most animatics are for ships but the song is not necessarily romantic and I've seen some pretty sweet animatics about friendships, siblings and other platonic relationships

So many genuinely touching animatics for this one but its also a very interpretable song because of how it chooses to use its metaphor so you get a real broad spectrum of animatics for this one. Usually focusing on some sort of odd couple dynamic, aka the singer and the 'lemon boy

It's a classic. For those ships with sunshine x grumpy dynamics, and a dash of angst at the end. *chef's kiss*

Animatics with the song:

Camp Camp Dadvid animatic

Richarlyson and Bobby Animatic

Karmaland Animatic

Homestuck Davekat Animatic

South Park Bunny Animatic

Please be cautious and read the title, description and warning cards on the animatic videos if you decide to watch them. If you've got specific triggers I'd recommend even more caution when watching animatics of fandoms you don't know, since sometimes canon-typical themes don't get warnings.

Please keep in mind that I don't know all the media and fandoms of the animatics provided as examples and I don't have the time (nor the will) to research them all. Don't come into my notes or my ask box complaining about them being included, I will simply block you. If a ship animatic included is about an adult and a minor, do tell me and I'll take it out of the post

ALSO keep in mind that I don't know all the artists submitted; in fact, even if I do know them I do not know absolutely nothing about them as people (I do not have twitter nor tiktok) and I could not POSSIBLY have the time to research ALL of the artists' controversies and what came of them so PLEASE don't flood my inbox with the artists' entire crime list.

[booperbeanv3]

ok i know this ask game is from Þe Olden Times but.

everything except 1, 2, 7, 8, 30 and 31. covering all the bases

“Homestuck Isn’t Dead” Tag

jesus a full faq here

Well I'm incredibly vain and love talking about myself so here goes

3. Do you call your s/o a matesprit? 4. Do you call your best friend your moirail?

S/O, no. Best friend, sometimes.

5. Are you “kin” with any characters or commonly called a character?

I've never taken kinning seriously and never will, but I strongly related to Dave and Karkat thanks to that "born wrong + childhood neglect" flavour. But my friends (SIDE-EYES YOUR URL) have holed me into Jake English, so, y'know, whatever. Not everyone can be davekat, I get it

6. God Tier?

Knight of Light!

9. Do you roleplay homestuck? where and how often?

I haven't been able to do it often thanks to the circumstances. I'm too scared to use dreambubbles.xyz. But if you're interested, my discord is boolean2390 and while I main alphabeta boys (i.e. Dave, John, Jake, Dirk), I have RPed Dave and Karkat before in actual, concrete examples I can show you.

10. Do you cosplay homestuck characters? Who and where?

I was gonna cosplay Karkat before Omegle shut down.

11. Are you apart of ask blogs?

I am not and I have actively avoided this! I'm gonna be real here, I'll never top the current set of kid ask blogs, so I'll just watch from afar. Plus, it's quite a bit of work when my faves are so popular, and therefore will not fill any real niches. (a jake english would be kinda funny even if it already exists tho)

12. Are you in any homestuck groups?

Hoesslut server on Discord

13. Favorite character?

you can make a tri venn diagram of all my faves with the headings "waifu", "literally me" and "actually good/interesting character" with some mild overlap

that said

objective best is jade and personal fav is karkat

aradia is super based also. best part of act 5 but utterly forgettable afterwards. served cunt, died, served cunt, revived

14. Least favorite character?

tri venn diagram of "obsessive hatred", "boring" and "annoying"

most of my "least favs" disappoint me from lack of potential being utilised effectively

idfk doc scratch??

15. OTP? 16. NOTP? 17. BROTP?

JANEROXY 4EVER!!!! that's the only consistent one. i can like any ship if given some good enough motivation (even if it's my dick).

that being said i scour johndave and johnkat most often. however i am THE blackrom vantas and johnkat/davekat must be spades ONLY. spades johndave is fun but no one writes it. dude i just love spades

18. Do you want homestuck to just die already?

No, I just got here!

19. Are you following up with hiveswap? Do you play? Watch YT videos?

I don't, and I don't care.

20. Tell us how homestuck has affected you in real life?

Locked myself in my room and did nothing but read Homestuck for about 2 weeks to a month. I finished it during this time

Got so high I tripped balls thought I killed my best friend and got stuck on Prospit while Homestuck music was playing in the background. Last summer!

Started laughing uncontrollably in the middle of a psychotherapy appointment since I was being so Davecore

My karkalicious x wannabe remix is on my friend's playlist bc she genuinely enjoys it. This remix also haunted me during an important art project I was doing and singlehandedly cursed the entire thing

Wore sunglasses IRL for a bit. (It does help.) Would keep doing it if I didn't lose my clip-ons

My sister thinks I sell Karkat foot fetish art now. She follows me here

21. Have you met anyone through homestuck?

IRL? No. Online? Duh

22. Have you left the fandom before?

No, I'm a total newfag

23. How many times have you read through it?

TOTAL newfag. Only once

24. Did you ever skip intermissions/dialog/animations?

I'd scan over them, but not totally skip. I also read act summaries in full when they were there because I am a baby with goldfish memory

25. Opinions on the fandom?

Depends... I think it's gotten a lot better from my observations, but of course, Twitter is still a cesspit full of retarded babies that shit their diapers. But that could be said about any fandom that's majority kids. Also any stridercester that thinks theyre oppressed for liking shota boy twincest should btfo and jerk off in peace. Which in fairness, most of them do! But to the ones that don't, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY NOTES FAGGOT

Besides those, I think it's great, but I also main Tumblr, so...

26. Opinions on the comic?

Personally I enjoyed it a lot, but I'll get a more rounded impression once I re-read it. All plot shenanigans aside, Homestuck's main selling point has always been its characters, and its method of introducing and developing them is one of my favourites. Also its humour

27. Do you favor the trolls, humans, or carapaces?

Humans, because I'm a boring fucknut who reads sci-fi for the humans and will put them in an office building and say "imagine if they did IT"

28. Favorite moment of all of homestuck?

29. Least favorite moment of all of homestuck?

beginning of act 6 felt like i nodded off on dope and woke up in the hospital. retcon was kinda mid

[astrayan]

Karkat (obviously lol)

1: sexuality headcanon: my boy is gay. pan, depending on the ship

2: otp: Davekat

3: brotp: Solkat

4: notp: Crokat (i know, i know. i've matured, ok? this would NOT be a healthy relationship. also, age difference makes this icky for me)

5: first headcanon that pops into my head: Why do people think Karkat must have a screechy or raspy voice? He "YELLS" in quirk but we don't know about irl. (that's just me hopeful thinking my own karkat voice is good HAHAHAHA)

6: favorite line from this character: "YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT. YOU UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT." (actually, the whole monologue is golden)

7: one way in which I relate to this character: Karkat is very in touch with his feelings all the time and I'd like to say that I am too. That and we both love a good romcom.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: First time cosplayers without sealing their paint... *shivers*

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: Wants to be a problematic fave, is actually a cinnamon roll.

[rosemary-is-in-pesterquest]

I am. SO. frustrated. that they keep fucking up davekat. like I just wanna go off. just wanna go the fuck off, man, I didn't even ship them that hard at first but god damn I do now and it's pretty much because the epilogues and HS2 have fucked them up so bad and I know they are better than that. let me just.

okay so originally, davekat is built on themes of mutual defensiveness in response to insecurity. when Dave is first introduced, he portrays himself as a cool guy, and gives us the concept of Strider irony. where a normal person might claim to love something shitty as an ironic joke, or maybe the ironic joke masks sincere enjoyment... Strider irony, according to Dave, has a billion more levels of sincerity and insincerity, to the point where you have no idea what the real intent is. in part, this is due to teen pretentiousness... but in some ways this is a reflection of him genuinely finding his Bro unfathomable, and wanting to protect his own genuine thoughts, opinions, and interests from criticism, without actually coming off as insecure. as time goes by, you can watch him and figure out what is sincere and what isn't... he doesn't actually keep that tight of a lid on things, but that's partially because the game allows him more freedom than he usually has. he at least isn't living in his Bro's shadow anymore. some might extrapolate this to mean that he's experiencing more physical and mental security than usual, while others might just say he's coming into his own via this journey, but the fact of the matter is that he felt the need to hide behind this facade in the first place. and the tricky thing with Dave is that it isn't all fake. it's a weird mixture of who he is, who he wants to be, and what he thinks others will respond well to. his development isn't so much discarding the mask, as it is reconciling what it's made of, and incorporating it into his true self as he matures. he accepts it as a piece of him. it's very subtle, and natural, and true to what growing up is really like. I think this is why so many people like Dave and relate to him so much.

for Karkat, insecurity manifests in the form of being hyper critical of everyone around him. to be honest, this also comes from a deep sense of concern for the people around him, and the fact that his friend group is made of a bunch of loose canons who do destructive shit for fun, and people who are easily dragged into that sort of thing. but the thing that keeps Karkat's hyper critical nature from irritating people too much is that he's also super extra critical of himself. he admits it when he's done something wrong... though admittedly often after it's made people angry at him, and he has a good amount of very sincere apologies that he delivers so that they come off as very sincere and actually work in terms of reconciling with people. Karkat's biggest issue is that criticizing your own internal flaws and actually fixing them are two different things. and while Karkat can identify many problems with himself, he's not always the best at making them go away. it takes him a long time to learn how to change himself, because in order to change yourself, you have to accept the flawed parts of yourself and work with them, rather than just trying to push them out of your sight. this is why his anger at his past and future selves is ultimately unhealthy. it keeps him from truly addressing the fact that his current self is just as subject to those same flaws. for example, if he's talking to a past self and a future self, and his future self is condescending to him, and his past self is naive, then his present self is both of those things to his conversation partners. but he's so repulsed by his own negative attributes that he's not really dealing with them. his saving grace is that everyone can see how hard he's trying, and how worried and scared he is. ultimately, Karkat doesn't want to be the reason for screwing everyone over, and that's more concern for others than anyone ever asked for. it gains Karkat a lot of good will, without him necessarily even realizing what he's doing.

what's excellent about davekat is that they come out the gate fully critical of one another... but neither is willing to back down either. somehow, these two insecure idiots trick each other into defending themselves. and it's brilliant, because they get all their critical bullshit out of the way immediately. they don't fear criticism from one another. they already criticize one another all the time, and it's fine. like, their worst complaints about each other are right out there in the open, and how freeing must that be for a couple of guys who worry about other people's opinions of them so much? Dave has nothing to hide and nothing to prove. Karkat defends his own positive qualities. it's good for them. eventually, they just kind of run out of material... and there's something comforting about knowing that they've said every bad thing they can think of about each other, and none of it was a deal breaker. they're still in each other's business constantly. and that's when they start to learn from each other. see, Karkat is really blunt. he wanders into the thick of things, yelling at people and making mistakes all over the place... and Dave is just more cautious than that. his whole cool guy persona is made to keep that kind of raw emotion from leaking out, and to make every mistake seem like he meant to do that. but Karkat makes mistakes all the time. and apologizes all the time. and he comes out okay. Karkat is sincere. but Karkat is also high strung... and Dave isn't. Dave knows how to chill, and he plans things, and he can sit down with people and calmly talk through a plan. get it in simple terms and hash things out without panicking. Karkat often exhausts himself trying to run around and manage everything, and while it can be kind of endearing to see how much he cares... it's not exactly healthy. Dave has more of a level head, beyond just his cool kid persona, and isn't afraid to make people walk things back and take it from the top. and actually, what Dave and Karkat have in common is that they try really hard for the people around them, and feel great concern for the people they love. when the chips are down, they value similar things. and once they've run out of ineffectual ways to badmouth each other, that's what they have left. probably the thing that bugs them the most about each other is how much they actually have in common in terms of priorities. and while I do think that in their relationship, they'll probably always bicker with each other, that's the core foundation. they're caring people who look out for their group and try to help wherever they can. in essence... they're both knights through and through.

and then HS2 fucks it all up. legit why even confuse anything about their relationship? just let them uncontroversially date, keep it lowkey and tasteful, realize the wonderful potential of their friends razzing them about it a little, and write a better story for them to exist in. god damn. like, seriously, just give them more people to actually care about, because Dave and Karkat feel out of character if they aren't constantly in the lives of a plethora of friends who are important to them. look at them in homestuck. look at everything they do best. of course they wouldn't thrive in HS2, none of the cast even likes each other anymore!! Dave and Karkat were basically instrumental in setting up rosemary, which fits so well with all of their characterization its insane. I just want everyone to periodically go back, and reread homestuck, and remember when these characters were good people.

BASED WENDELL COMING IN WITH THEIR ANALYSIS BETTER THAN WHATEVER THE FUCK THE HS2 WRITERS SHIT OUT 

[humorsfighter]

Ship wars

I know that the LGBT+ community is much more active and “aware” this decade due the fact that they got their rights and are still fighting about it and that it’s not much of a taboo as it used to be.

LGBT+ ships is also something very common in fandoms, and i won’t judge as I too have ships like these, but one thing that annoys the fuck out of me is when someone says “straight ships are just boring” “let’s spice this (straight) ship *ships one of the characters with someone of the same gender*” or just be happy with a hetero ship when one of the characters is trans. It’s childish. It’s kind of stupid reasons to not like a straight ship.

You may not like the characters together or don’t like the interactions they have and that's okay, you have the right to not like it.

But ship hate and ship wars are one of the stupidest things i have ever seen on the internet/fandoms, just leave the person be, don’t be a jerk.

I will use Homestuck for reference (i can see stupid replies/jokes like “you are a homestucker so everything that you say is invalid, and honestly fuck you), Davekat. I dislike this ship. I dislike it on the red quadrant. They are, to me, a ship made to please the shippers and was only made canon because fans took the narrative and did as they please. It’s “unreal” to me how they became matesprites because all i saw was them being friends, but nooooo, the moments at the meteor we’re clearly “homosexual activity so they must be a romantic couple”. It’s stupid.

if they continued as friends, that would've made more sense. Dare i say even moirails (which i still don’t agree but whatever).

Anyways, my point is, stop hating on ships (unless it’s incest or pedophilia). Stop saying “oh this ship is boring”. Grow up and enjoy your favorite things and just block or ignore the things you dislike.

[hazbin-throwaway]

What your favorite Hazbin Hotel ship says about you:

Vaggie/Charlie:

You value healthy relationships and are the most likely to have noticed that Vaggie puts herself between Charlie and a ray gun at one point. You either are a lesbian or you just think they're neat

Alastor/Charlie:

You are heterosexual. To get even more specific, you are probably a heterosexual woman. You probably really want to date Alastor and are projecting hard onto Charlie. The only other possibility is that you really love "someone will die. . . of fun!" As a ship dynamic but like. . . Vaggie/Charlie is right there. You're also a big fan of duets.

Alastor/Sir Pentious:

You are homosexual and you want to date Alastor. More specifically, you would appreciate it if Alastor destroyed your warship with his giant tentacles. Your favorite ship dynamic is "too much."

Alastor/Angel Dust:

Two possibilities, depending on how you ship them. One is that you're a romantic ace who really likes the concept of Angel Dust encountering someone who doesn't want him for his body, and all the fun trauma-unearthing story one can squeeze out of this. Your view count on "Addict" is in the double-digits and "hah! No" was your favorite joke from the pilot. Your ideal RadioDust fanfic involves being thirty chapters in before they hold hands.

Two, if you create and consume nothing but porn, you're probably an exclusionist and at some point you've definitely told someone it's a "shame" they're asexual. If anyone complains that asexual representation is already so rare and they're tired of ace characters being oversexualized, your response was not to look critically at your media engagement and instead to explain that "Vivzie said we were allowed to ignore canon sexuality so it's fine."

That or you're a horny monsterfucker who genuinely had no idea Alastor is ace.

Alastor/Husk:

Your ideal relationship is people who are so good at acting like they hate each other that not even they know if it's true. You were into DaveKat before it was canon and your ideal relationship involves getting dunked on

Angel Dust/Vaggie:

You have no respect for canon orientations but the utmost respect for insults as a form of flirting. The difference between this ship and Alastor/Husk is not, as you might think, heterosexuality, but is instead how much shared dialogue you need in order to want people to mash their faces together.

Angel Dust/Sir Pentious:

Your ideal ship is "too much," but with added obliviousness. You want two absolute dumbasses putting on a broadway show and nothing will stop you until you have it.

Angel Dust/Husk:

Frankly, you're the most likely to eventually make it to canon and you're also the easiest to lure into shipping something. You built a relationship off of one line and that must be respected. You are the exact alignment chart opposite of the Vaggie/Angel Dust ship.

[albapuella]

Getting the Laundry Done

AO3 Link!

Fandom: Homestuck; Homestuck 2: Beyond Canon Pairing: Davekat Summary: “The scent of laundry soap was in the air, and the dryer vibrated in a way which indicated that perhaps some belt or other inside was loose, but no one on that ship knew dick about machines, so it was just going to have to vibrate loudly in the appliance version of a wail of pain. Which was quite unlike the wails Karkat was making." Tags: spoilers for 8/23 update, Established Relationship, Porn with Feelings, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Bulges and Nooks (Homestuck), Sex on a Dryer Author’s Note:  I ask for your indulgence on this one. This fic was born out of a discussion on the davekat thirst server where a bemoaning of a lack of dryer fics after the update took place. So, here we are. I wrote this in about 2 and half hours. I hope you find this fic to your liking.

The scent of laundry soap was in the air, and the dryer vibrated in a way which indicated that perhaps some belt or other inside was loose, but no one on that ship knew dick about machines, so it was just going to have to vibrate loudly in the appliance version of a wail of pain. Which was quite unlike the wails Karkat was making.

Dave had done extensive mapping of Karkat's body these last three years. He knew where the sensitive spots were: the parts to touch to make him laugh; the parts to make him moan; the parts to make him flush. His beautiful best friend.

Karkat's shirt, Dave's shirt, was already off, tossed onto the floor, exposing the expanse of his chest and the flushed grub scars. They were one of the more sensitive spots, and Dave enjoyed the sounds licking them elicited. "Dave," Karkat wailed, half-laughing, "stop teasing me, you—!"

Dave chose that moment to slide his hand down to the front of Karkat's shorts.

He could feel the bulge already writhing under the fabric. While he could take most of the credit, some credit was probably also due to this loud as fuck dryer. Maybe he could get Roxy to look at it? They already could do computers, right? How much more difficult could a dryer be. A moan from Karkat made Dave remember his priorities.

His fingers danced with the bulge through the fabric. "Looks like someone's ready to come out and play, aren't you little guy?"

Karkat groaned in a way which indicated his annoyance. "If I've told you once, Dave, I have told you a thousand fucking times: stop talking to my bulge."

"I don't know, Karkat," Dave returned, grinning, "I think he likes it when I talk to him." He leaned closer, his mouth almost touching the fabric of Karkat's shorts. "Isn't that right, little guy?"

Another groan from Karkat: acceptance, or at the very least, impatience. "Fine. Go ahead, waste your time chatting with my reproductive organ. Just get on with it. Before I—" he cut himself off, and Dave spared him a glance from his position between Karkat's legs. "Never mind."

Dave looked at him a moment longer before shrugging. "Okay." He turned his attention back to Karkat, Jr. "Okay, let's get you out of those nasty shorts." He pulled on the waistband, and Karkat obligingly lifted up his bottom to help. Dave didn't bother pulling them down any further than his knees.

"Do whatever you're going to do before I stick to this thing," Karkat commanded. Or tried to: he was starting to sound a little breathless.

Dave saluted. "You got it, boss." Karkat's answering scowl made him grin even wider. The bulge was writhing, but the nook was clearly feeling the effects of the vibrations, too. "I should talk to your nook, too," he said as he leaned in closer, rubbing the outside with his finger. "It's not fair to only chat up your alien dick--the nook needs love, too, right?"

"Oh my god, Dave," Karkat moaned. It was hard to tell if he was moaning because he didn't like the idea of Dave talking to his nook or if it was because Dave had slipped a finger in while he'd been thinking out loud. Nah, it was definitely the latter.

His finger slid inside easily enough that he added another right away. Usually, he was working from a different angle, but he knew he'd find them if he felt around long enough. Ah! There they were: he'd found the shame globe jackpot. He rubbed them the way he'd found Karkat liked the most.

Karkat gasped, and his legs closed just a little bit in reaction. His hands came down to rest on Dave's shoulders. "Fuck," he breathed.

"Maybe later," Dave said airily. He twisted his fingers, making Karkat shake. "Is this working for you?" he asked, continuing his ministrations. "Do you want something else? Whatever you want, you got it, baby. Just say the word, and it's yours."

The flush on Karkat's face was beautiful. "If-if you're going to ru-un you-your mo-outh anyway, at least, uh, put it to good use."

Honestly, Dave was surprised Karkat was managing to talk at all. Must be losing his touch. He guessed that meant he needed to up his game. "On it." Still working his fingers in Karkat's nook, he took hold of the bulge with his other hand.

Now, the bulge wasn't always a team player when it came to oral (it had a tendency to try going up to the sinuses if you weren't paying attention), but Dave had learned a few tricks over the years. Mainly, as tempting as it was to try to go full porno on the thing, the safer option was to only take in a mouthful.

He put just the tip of the bulge in his mouth and sucked hard.

Karkat wailed louder than the dryer. "FUCK!"

That was more like it.

The hands on his shoulders tightened to the point of pain, but Dave was too focused on Karkat and his shuddering movements to care much. If he mouth wasn't occupied with alien tentadick, he'd have started rapping about how beautiful Karkat looked with his head thrown back in pleasure. Karkat's legs were hooked around the middle of Dave's back, pulling him closer.

"Dave, Dave, Dave," Karkat hissed between his teeth. "Dave, please."

Dave gave the bulge one last hard suck before letting it free. His other hand remained busy despite the cramp it was starting to get. "How do you want me, baby?"

It took Karkat a moment to get his breath back enough to answer. "In me. Please, Dave."

He loved when Karkat got like this. "Your wish is my fucking command. Because we're gonna fuck, and you commanded it."

Karkat rolled his eyes. It didn't have quite the same impact when he was flushed and his eyes were blown. "Just... just fuck me already."

Dave stepped back long enough to pull off his pajama bottoms. He was a little too short to fuck Karkat if he stayed on the dryer while standing on the ground. Waiting until he got close to Karkat again, he let himself float the extra couple of inches he needed.

His dick had been hard for a while now (touching Karkat, hearing Karkat, smelling him, tasting him, all of that had a pronounced effect on Dave, Jr.), and he searched Karkat's hungry expression. "You ready? All systems go?"

A quick nod. Arms looping around his neck; legs hooking once more around his back.

"Time for blast off, then." Dave eased himself into Karkat's nook. The first few times they did this, he'd gone in too hard. Karkat hadn't complained, but Dave had seen the pain in his face and had forced him to come clean. He knew better now. Slow and steady and deep won this race.

He'd done this so many times, but each time still felt special. Like Karkat's nook was embracing his dick like Karkat was embracing the rest of his body: tight and desperate, but loving and sweet. This time, there was more vibration than usual. He grabbed the edge of the dryer to give him the leverage he needed so he could start moving.

Karkat melted against him, moaning hotly against his neck. "Dave, Dave, Dave."

Dave didn't think he'd ever get tired of hearing Karkat saying his name like that. "I've got you," he managed somehow. This was the part that took his breath away. "I've got you."

He was vaguely aware of Karkat's bulge trying to make time with his belly button, but he'd gotten used to that sensation in this position. There was a time when it used to make him laugh uncontrollably. There was a time when he'd worried that Karkat, Jr. might be strong enough to make his own entrance. He'd learned a lot since then.

Best to just let Karkat, Jr. do his own thing.

Karkat was kissing him now, and that was a lot more fun to focus on.

Dave had gotten good at not cutting himself on those teeth. A bit of a learning curve for both of them, really. Now, he barely had to think about it; he could just focus on how it felt to have Karkat's tongue meet his.

Karkat was clinging so tightly to Dave now that Dave could only roll his hips. Each roll elicited another gasp or moan. Each sound was like another shot of blood to his dick. Luckily, Karkat's mouth was so close to his that he could still hear him over the sounds of the dryer.

Dave was never sure if it was his fault (if he didn't have the stamina) or if it was Karkat's fault (Karkat was just too insanely hot), but he never could last long when he had Karkat like this. "I'm close," he warned.

Karkat huffed a laugh. "I-I think I might be, might be close, too." He buried his face in Dave's neck. "I love you, Dave."

No matter how many times he heard it, there was still a part of Dave that couldn't believe he was lucky enough for it to be true. "I know."

For a long moment, the only sounds were their harsh breathing, the slick sound of Dave's movement, and the dryer, wailing away.

"Did... Did you just quote Star Wars at me?" Karkat asked, incredulous. "Really? Now? Of all fucking times?"

Dave grinned. "I love you, Karkat."

"Well, I don't love you," Karkat mock declared even as he held Dave closer. "I hate you so much."

It was difficult to laugh with Karkat squeezing him so tightly against him and his nook still hugging his dick, but Dave was just able to chuckle. "You're stuck with me now."

Karkat's long suffering sigh was undercut by the moan it ended with. Then he did the swearing thing which meant Mt. Vesuvius was about to blow.

Dave increased his pace just a little, just enough to put them over the edge. "Come on, Karkat, come on." A tightly wound spring coming suddenly loose. Luckily, Karkat didn't mind cream pies curtesy of Master Chef Dave Strider. He kept grinding for the half minute it took Karkat to catch up.

Karkat finally released Dave to decaptchalogue a bucket. Then he slid off the dryer on wobbly legs.

Dave floated backwards a little and watched Karkat empty himself. The slurry hit the bottom, making a tinny noise he could only just hear thanks to the dryer. Then the bucket was gone.

The few times they'd done it on Earth C before everything had gone down, Karkat would give the slurry to Kanaya. He had no idea what he did with it these days. He didn't ask. They had few secrets anymore, but Dave figured he was enough in Karkat's business as it was.

"Did I do good?" Dave asked, lowering himself back to the floor.

Karkat smiled, his teeth jutting out over his bottom lip. "Yeah, Dave, you're the best."

"Cool," Dave returned as blandly as he could, which was not very when he was smiling so widely. Then his smile dimmed. "I mean, I'm kind of best by default. Since you're not, um..."

Karkat shook his head with tolerant amusement. "You are ridiculous, Dave. Just take the compliment. Like this: Dave, you did a good job. Oh, really? Well, thank you." He picked up his shirt (Dave's shirt) and slipped it back on. "Now, you try. Dave, you did a good job."

"Oh, really," Dave repeated dutifully. "Well, thank you."

"Much better." Karkat pulled on his shorts. "Go wash your hands and maybe no one will realize why we took so long doing laundry."

Dave made a pair of sticky finger guns. While he was over at the sink, he took a moment to wash his face off, too. They'd probably still know, but at least Karkat could think that they didn't. Karkat wasn't embarrassed to be having sex with him, Dave was very nearly certain, but he was still embarrassed when other people brought it up.

Once he was fully clean and fully dressed, he wrapped Karkat in a lazy hug. "I'm glad you're here with me."

Karkat pat his back. "You already know I'm ecstatic to be here with you."

They settled against each other, the moment stretching, lasting forever. Warm and loving. Then the sudden silence after the noise of before startled them both.

Dave turned to look at the now silent dryer. "I guess the laundry's done."

A disinterested hmm. "It can wait."

Dave smiled into Karkat's hair. "I guess it can."

[nightlight-stardust-and-rain]

So I wanted to do a Homestuck HP au because I love writing about Homestuck. But like right now I don't have a lot of ideas so I'm gonna write whatever goes in my head.

John is a muggleborn. Everyone thinks he's a halfblood because when he talks about his dad people thinks he's a wizard (nope just a weird but cool muggle who took the magic thing very well). John doesn't correct them because honestly, pranking half of his classmates without even trying, that's something (he just want to see their faces when they realize). Also I think he would be a gryffindor. Oooor maybe a slytherin, but idk I don't see the "ambitious" side. No, gryffindor. Because pranks. He think he'd be very good at potions and charms ? Because pranks. Like you know you're better with subjects that are interesting to you. He really likes potion and charms because the amount of pranks he can do is like, unlimited. He's also good with a broomstick, even if he's not on the quidditch team : he likes to fly for flying, not for playing. He never really understood the problem with houses - or rather, the competition. He pranks everyone equally, that's all that matters (OK maybe he pranks more Dave and Karkat, but come on. Their reactions are priceless).

Jade is, I think, a half-blood ? Honestly, nobody knows, not even her : she doesn't remember if her grandpa was a wizard or not, and she remembers even less her parents. She grew up on a island (like in canon tbh) with Bec, who is a ex-wizard : he had a accident and he got trapped in his animagus form but due to the incident he sorta kept some of his powers (that's why he can still apparate) and, kinda, got the mind of a dog (still more intelligent than any dog, but not enough to notice that he was a wizard - he doesn't even remember bieng one). She's a slytherin ! Because she's really clever and kinda ambitious ? Like she really want to mix science and magic. She wants the magic world to know science ("guys, they don't even know what an atom is !!!"). Due to that, she's really fucking good with potions. The best of her years (of any year, really). While being a arithmancy and herbology genius, She's also pretty good in every other class tbh. Not really the best at flying, but she tries. Also she somehow learn to apparate when she's like 12 and everybody is stunned like HOW (and she's "oh my dog taught me !" "... WHAT"). She's very happy to be a witch but her scientific side SCREAMED when she learned the existence of magic. She can often be found staring at the moving stairs mumbling something about the physics laws.

Rose iiiiis... A pureblood. Come on. Like she grew up with magic traditions and such. She also loves the muggle's representation of wizards (it's very funny). She's SO a ravenclaw. That was obvious. Her mother is a famous witch (both famous for her acts of heroism during the last War (??) and also famous for being drunk anytime) and she doesn't really likes to be famous by association, but eh. She's obviously a Seer (like, a true one). She took divination and she fucking destroyed the teacher. Like she just looked at them with her superior smile (you know the insufferable one) and proceeded to walk out of class and never return (the destroying the teacher part took place at the exams when she got the highest score despite having skipped every divination period). She's really good in DADA and Alchemy and potions. Maybe sometimes she's a bit too close to the dark side of magic (*snort*) but eh she didn't killed anyone (yet). The only classes she's not good with is care of magical creatures : the creatures are all afraid of her (tbh it's because she tried to summon a eldricht horror once. She failed but the eldricht aura kinda stayed on her). She's very interested in vampires, but her interest may be personal rather than scholar ;)

Dave is, I think. A pureblood ? Tbh I really don't know where Bro stands. Since he's Rose's twin, he's obviously a pureblood, but he didn't grew up in the same place. Bro was the kind of wizard who was absolutely obsessed with muggle's technology so one day he just... Moved to the muggle side ? Idk. So here I'm really torn up between "Dave's shitty childhood and shitty role model is a important part of his character" and "I want Dave to be happy and have a happy childhood". Fuck it he' ll have a extremely weird but happy childhood (like. Remember before we knew that Bro was abusive and we tought that he was just a cool and really really really weird guardian ?). So he grew up in a mix of magic and technology : ofc Bro didn't hide he was a wizard, he used magic pretty often. Dave knows some things about technology but he kinda lacks... Basic knowledge. You know. Bro still taught him fencing (kinda was a family thing) but like. Low-key ? Like not before he was ten and Dave wasn't beat up, it was actual teaching (I just want Dave to be happy without PTSD, dammit). Also Dave is a hufflepuf (fight me). The beta kids are all the four houses (they think that's funny and they're kinda proud to be a multi-house group. XD amateurs just wait to see the trolls). When Dave got his letter, he was "... Bro. There is a magic community ??" "yes ? You didn't knew ?" "you never told me I tought we were mutants". Bro then realizes he never told Dave that he was actually a wizard, uh. Then "oh yeah your twin sister must be at hogwarts too" "I have a twin sister". Like. Bro legit forgot to tell him. Also Dave is absolutely fascinated by magic pictures. He's kinda good with classes because he's pretty smart but he's better with charms and DADA. He can fly (I mean with a broomstick of course) but he's not in the quidditch team. He took divination because he knows it's bullshit : it's for irony. He carries a camera everywhere because honestly magic pictures are so cool. He takes pictures every time because come on, Hogwarts is wonderful (he sends some of his pics to Bro who replies by "I know how Hogwarts looks, dumbass"). He also likes to take pics of his friends and also of this strange, huge group of friends who are not in the same house and who are indeed very strange and very differents but they stay together no matter what (yeah I'm talking about the trolls). Not gonna lie, he takes more pics of one of them... (yes I'm talking about Karkat. Because I ship DaveKat). He didn't realized he got a crush, the poor boy (also a lot less internalized homophobia because Bro is so gay. Dave's just takes a while to understand that he's Bi).

The trolls are a big multi-house group. Some of them knew each other before Hogwarts but mostly they were strangers who inexplicably and despite all their differences became friends the first day of school and stayed together for their whole life (it's Karkat. What keeps them together is Karkat).

And you know what I'm gonna do the ancestors before the beta trolls.

The Handmaid, Damara Megido (yeah they're keeping their post-Scratch selfs names), is Aradia's mother. She works at the ministry's time department (idk if it exists in HP so if not it's a department to regulate time travel and time traveling objects) and she's pretty great since she's the head of her department. She likes her work and she's pretty famous : both for her work, her magic skills (she's super fucking powerful) and her one-night stands (come on it's still Damara I had to). Actually Aradia comes from one of these one-night stands. She never hid it to her daughter. Aradia honestly doesn't mind. She's the type you would never expect to have a kid, but she's actually a good mother. She smokes a bit too much and maybe sometimes she forgets to cook but she tries.

The Summoner, Rufioh Nitram, is Tavros' father. He's part fairy and has absolutely no fucking clue about who was a fairy in his family but he doesn't really cares. His wings are cool, he likes to fly, talking to animals is even cooler. He's really chill about it. He never really felt ashamed of his wings, even when people tought they were girly. He's an auror affected to the department for control and regulation of magical creatures. He deals with dangerous creatures such as dragons. He loves his job. It's perfect for him : when he was a teen he was torn between auror (the action !) and the department [...] of magical creatures (the creatures !) but he got a mix of the two. He's proud of his son : he fully knows that being different can be hard and knows that his son is doing his best.

The Psiioniic, the Signless and the Disciple are in a happy poly relationship. Their kids Sollux, Karkat and Nepeta are actually triplets. The funny thing is that since they named them differently (Sollux is Captor-Vantas-Leijon, Karkat is Vantas-Leijon-Captor and Nepeta is Leijon-Captor-Vantas. Honestly their parents did that just to mess with everyone) and that most of the teacher's call list was only long enough to include the first of their last names, everybody at Hogwarts took like a year to understand that they were related and one more year to discover that they were triplets. That's exactly the kind of mess that was in their parent's mind when they named them.

The Psiioniic, Mituna Captor, is one of Sollux's, Karkat's and Nepeta's dads. He's a sarcastic little shit who got a job with computers on the muggle side of the world (people are usually stunned when they discover that he's a pureblood). He's a parseltongue and has a yellow-blue-red snake named Gemini. Honestly the only reason why everyone doesn't know he's a parseltongue isn't because he hides it (he doesn't care about people's opinion) but because, as a very not talkative person, he talks to his snake (or any snakes) like he talks to people : rarely. He's trying to introduce technology in the wizard world. It goes slowly. He' s actually a good dad who may forget to eat and/or to cook sometimes and has bipolarity (wizards usually think it's a curse. He gave up trying to explain every time) but he loves his childrens and is so in love with Signless and Disciple that sometimes he embarrasses himself.

The Signless, Kankri Vantas, is Sollux's, Karkat's and Nepeta's other dad. He's a half-blood and a Seer. Unlike Rose, he can't see the future, but the past lives. His past life or anyone's. He needs to touch people to See their past life and it's not really useful but he likes it. He's a teacher in Muggle studies : he was so appalled by the muggle studies in hogwarts that he decided to correct wizard's opinion on muggles. That's how he met Psii : he was trying to make a computer who could resist in Hogwarts (spoiler it exploded) and Signless was extremely interested (spoiler he lost his eyebrows in the explosion because he was too close). He kinda travels in various magic communities to teach them about muggle things that are very useful (he's not 'muggle are better than wizards'. Just 'we could learn so much from them and also the muggle are not a different species, we're all humans'). When his kids talked to him about their friends he laughed really hard and said "of course. You twelve are bound to each other after all". He's such a great dad. He loves his childrens so much and when he looks like he could explode you know he's thinking about how much he loves Psii and Disciple.

The Disciple, Meulin Leijon, is Sollux's, Karkat's and Nepeta's mother. She's a author and journalist. She does documentary-like articles. Like about animals or nature. She's a muggle born who was raised by a nundu ! You know the leopard-like creature with spikes in Fantastic Beasts (It moved silently, despite its "gigantic" size and was considered by some to be the most dangerous creature alive. The breath of the Nundu was toxic and filled with disease so potent that it can wipe out entire villages of people. Source wikipedia). Her muggle village was wiped by said toxic breath. Her magic protected her and somehow the nundu adopted her *shrugs*. She lived with her until she was seven and a witch found her and took her to the wizard world. It took her time to learn to talk, write, read, behave like a human. But oh she loved writing. She loved the books and she loved the stories and she loved to read. She kept some things from her years with her mother (she won't call the nundu who adopted her anything else), like the ability to move very silently and the, well, wilderness and fight skills. Honestly everyone believes she's a werewolf. She's tiny and pretty but actually more dangerous than half of the ancestor combined (admittedly in this HP au they are physically weaker or just not used to fight). So she writes reports about magical creatures and animals, she write books (her best book is an autobiography : everyone believes it's a fiction because of the adoption by a nundu thing). Sometimes Signless helps her to find a good story because you wouldn't believe the crazy things they did in their past life : he tells her, and she writes a book with that basis. Sometimes she works with the department [...] of magical creatures because she knows a lot about magical creatures and she understand their mind you know. Sometimes she works with the Summoner. They make a good pair and are very good friends.

The Dolorosa, Porrim Maryam, is Signless' adoptive mother, Karkat's, Sollux's and Nepeta's grandma and Kanaya's guardian and relative. She doesn't look that old because she's a vampire. She's Kanaya's ancestor, but literally. She must be like +600. She's really wise and really cool and also she can kick your ass easily. She lived in both worlds (muggle and magic) and lived in every country. She knows almost everything. Really she is just super badass. She adopted Signless when he was like 3 months. She greatly influenced him and his ideas. She's a very supportive mom and guardian. Also she uses a chainsaw. She's a bit of a legend everywhere honestly some people don't believe she exists.

Neophyte Redglare, Latula Pyrope, is Terezi's older sister and guardian. She's a auror (duh) and one of the best ! She's also a part-time lawyer and she's feared. With reason. She is Terezi's role model ! Redglare is very proud of her little sister and think that she will surpass her one day. Her and Psii are good friends even if they have nothing in common except their tendencies to sarcasm (Signless says they get along well because they dated in another life. They both gagged at that).

Spinneret Mindfang, Aranea Serket, is a fucking criminal. That's all. Like. She's a rich pureblood who leads a sort of magic-muggle mafia ? Like she does things on the muggle side and on the magic side and her group has wizards and squibs and muggles (who of course know about magic. When you're breaking laws everyday, what's one more ?). Her group works with magic methods as well as non magic methods - that's kinda why she never got arrested. Muggle police can never find them because magic, and aurors usually don't know where to search on the muggle side. She's feared everywhere and she's Redglare's principal target but she's not worried about being caught. She's not a really good mother to Vriska - she loves her daughter but she's a bit neglecting ? Like sometimes she's not home for a week or something. Also she has a pet acromentula.

Darkleer, Horuss Zahhak, is a black-Smith who lives in the same magic town as The Nitram, Maryam and Captor-Vantas-Leijon. He's a pureblood from a high family but he somehow get kicked out and ended up being a blacksmith. He actually, truly loves his job and while being Greatly ashamed (sweating) to have been kicked out of his house, he actually thinks that, hadn't he been kicked out, he would never have found his true vocation. He's very very awkward but his son doesn't mind since he's also very awkward. He's a good dad who teach blacksmithing to his son (while trying to erase the "better than anyone" way to think that his House teached to his son). He's friends with Disciple, she thinks his awkwardness is cute and he's kinda fascinated by her wilderness - they come from totally opposed sides after all.

The Grand Highblood, Kurloz Makara is a pure mystery. Is he wizard ? A muggle ? Is he at least alive ? Nobody knows.

Orphaner Dualscar, Cronus Ampora, is a pureblood who was a little shit when he was young (see post-scratch Cronus) but somehow (spoiler he pissed off the wrong person) he got his wand broken on his teens and he was dropped in the muggle world. Since he didn't knew what to do he ended up being in the marines by accident. It was hell for him. He fought a war, a muggle war, and saw what muggles can do. Years after his PTSD is still here. That's where he got his scars. After the war he succeeded to come back to the wizard world. He got a new wand and still had his family's name behind him but he still had the war in his bones. He never talked shit about muggles again and while being very scared of them he's also kinda fascinated - he had a sort of rifle harpoon (harpoon rifle ?) in the marines and it felt more right than his wand. He had Eridan like a year after being back. He panicked at first of course but he did his best to be a good father (he didn't had the best parents either) and kinda dropped everything to take care of his son. He's a very good dad even if he had to hire a cook because he can't cook to save his life. He later adopted Feferi and he has no clue why he did that but he loved her as if she was his biological daughter. Now that Eridan and Feferi are at Hogwarts he's searching for a job (spoilers he'll end up being Disciple's secretary because she's absolutely hopeless with planing and such and also he helps her with her books because he knows some things she doesn't about the muggle world or the army. He'll end up writing his own book - an autobiography)

The Condesce is the queen of the Selkies. Just. The queen. She's not a very good mother since she drooped Feferi in a magic orphanage after having her with a human.

now the beta trolls !

Aradia is a half-blood. She lives with her mother and their house is in the middle of a magic graveyard. Aradia grew surrounded by graves and ghosts, and she loved it. Some ghosts were around often, to visit their own grave or their family's grave. She talked to every one of them ! And they all had stories to tell ! And (and one day when she was little she met a woman with gray skin and eyes glowing of diferents colors and she had ram horns and she wore a green dress and she asked Aradia "tell me about yourself" Aradia told her about her mom and how she loved talking to ghosts and how her mom is the best with time problems and how they both are happy and the grey lady cried rust red tears and said she was relieved to know that at least in this universe they could know happiness and she vanished and Aradia never forgot her). She's a little spooky and also every ghost loves her, even Peeves ! That's, like, her own power. She can do necromancy and she thinks it's super cool. She doesn't talk about it outside of their group because she knows that even if her friends have no problems with that, the magic society isn't that accepting. She's gryffindor, even if the hat seriously considered Ravenclaw. She really like the dark red of gryffindor (that reminds her of the red eyelashes and red lips and red tears of the grey lady with ram horns who never came back but is somehow still with her). She' s really good with charms and DADA. she's not very good with herbology, every plant she touches seems to age a bit too fast. She's very good with flying ! Maybe a bit too risky. She's beater in the quidditch team ! She's animagus. A ram ! She loves it (and she swears she heard a laugh in the back of her head and she knows that was the lady with ram horns and rust red lips even if she never heard her laughter)

Tavros is a pureblood who grew in a magic town. He was kinda bullied because his family somehow got fairy blood - that's why his father got wings (Summoner is proud of his wings and doesn't see how having fairy blood makes you feminine). He had a disease who got him paralyzed. The Zahhaks built him a sort of magic-mechanic thing who helped him to walk but he still has to use his wheelchair sometimes. He can control animals and talk to them (he can't control people who are part animal and creatures who are sentient but he can talk to them). His father says it comes from the fairy blood. Despise being kinda bullied because being part fairy is "girly" he's still proud of his fairy blood like his father taught him ! (also it's hard to think that being part fairy is girly when your father is the Summoner). I'm so torn between hufflepuf and gryffindor for him... Nah gryffindor (like Neville you know). Gryffindor helps him to be more brave you know ? He's also the absolute best in care of magical creatures (of fucking course).

Sollux is a slytherin. His blood status (as well as his sibling's) is kinda undetermined since he got three parents. He's not a muggle born for sure. Honestly he doesn't care if he's a half-blood or a pureblood. He's kinda pissed to not have inherited of his dad's parlestongue because he likes snakes but eh. He's a absolute genius with computers and he HATES how computers doesn't work at hogwarts. He's trying to make a magic-proof one (spoiler it'll explode and more spoiler Karkat Nepeta and him will be too close and will get their eyebrows burned). He's pretty good with potions but he's better with transfiguration. Arithmancy is like his favorite class (it's easy for him and he's kinda in competition with Jade). Surprisingly he flies pretty well but he hates broomsticks. Like. Blurgh. He's animagus and guess what he's a bee. Karkat and Nepeta made fun of him endlessly but it's actually quite useful. He likes it. He's not bipolar like his dad but he got some pretty bad mood swings. Honestly he wanted to go to hufflepuf because they're yellow. He likes yellow. The fact that everyone took like two years to figure out that him, Nepeta and Karkat were triplets was absolutely hilarious to him. Like. They have the same birthday and the same parents how did they not understood once they figured out that they were related ? (he knows they don't look alike but seriously) he's one of the only persons to know about Karkat's secret obviously. This tsundere won't admit he loves his siblings but Nepeta and Karkat are on top of his "things I love the most" list.

Nepeta is a gryffindor. She got a limited form of metamorphmagi (?) mixed with her animagus form (she's a cat of course) she can manifest only a part of her animagus form, like the tail and ears or the claws. But she can't do what a normal metamorphmagus can do. She can fully turn into a cat of course. She keeps the ears and tail more or less always. A lot of people think someone cursed her to be part cat. She's really fucking strong : she learned martial art (more specifically taekwondo and aïkido) and parkour. She knows that most of the wizards are physically weak and that without their wand they're usually kinda useless. She's not really powerful magically speaking. More average but she doesn't mind. She's good in care of magical creatures and transfiguration. She absolutely hates flying. Like she's not afraid of heights but if she was made to fly her animagus form would be a bird not a cat ! She's Equius' best friend and nobody understands how they became friends (then again, nobody understands how the whole group became friends). She likes to ship people and they usually come to her (or Karkat) for romantic advice. She wants to be like her mother because she's so cool. She loves listening to his dad's stories about their past lives and she tries to understand her other dad's thing with computers but honestly the only thing she can do with a computer is an explosion. She likes to go to the forbidden forest to fight some dangerous creatures. She LOVES her brothers so much you wouldn't believe it. One of her favorite thing is the faces people do when they discover that they are triplets. It's priceless.

Karkat is a hufflepuf. To everyone's surprise. Like... He does works hard but friendly ? Him ? (when you tell that to his friends they laugh because Karkat, not friendly ? lmao dude he's the mom friend™) he inherited of his dad's ability to talk to snakes. He think it's completely useless and also he doesn't talk about it because ~discrimination~ he doesn't want to be seen as a dark wizard (he sucks at Dark magic anyways). He also has a weird thing with his blood : his blood is kinda like a soothing soporific ? Like, he can calm people by contact and when someone touch his blood they sleep. Nobody knows why is blood is like this (although Signless muttered something about candy red and a mutation). He keeps it secret (obviously his family knows) because honestly he doesn't want to be a test subject for the Department of mysteries. It's actually super useful when Sollux or his Dads are in lack of sleep - one drop of blood and bam they're asleep. Ironically, he's insomniac - he's obviously immune to the soporific effects of his blood. So he's a hufflepuf like Dave and some others and maybe he has a little crush on Dave. Ok it's not a crush he's in love but still a bit in denial. He likes potions and charms and alchemy and he's quite good. He also likes DADA but despite it he's not really good. He thinks Divination and Muggle studies are bullshit (but he regrets to not have been here to see Rose destroying the teacher). At first he took muggle studies to see if it was as awful as his dad told him - nope. It's worse. He absolutely, fully, from the bottom of his soul, HATES flying. He's actually one of the best students (not as good as Jade or Sollux but eh). First years are always afraid of him at first because he's always grumpy and angry and loud but the older are "lol no give it some time you'll see he's a giant teddy bear". He ends up being a sort of big brother figure for the youngers badgers. Nobody except him is surprised when he's named prefect. He's known at hogwarts to be somehow angry to everyone but also soft to everyone, all houses and years included. Everyone kinda loves him, despite *vague hand gestures to Karkat *. Some people don't like him, of course but he's not in danger : he got some powerful and protective friends. He's like one of the only persons who did not get lost in the castle. Like not even one time.

Kanaya is also a hufflepuf. She's a kind of cousin to the Captor-Vantas-Leijon since Dolorosa, her ancestor, adopted Signless. She's not a vampire like her ancestor (yet. She'll be at like 25. Don't want her to be 13 firvever after all). She's absolutely feared by everyone but nobody knows why. Like she's not really threatening ? She's really nice and pretty and always helping people. But she's still feared. Pure mystery. She likes to do handmade clothes and she's obviously very good. She took study of ancient runes and she's really good. She likes to sew protective runes onto her friend's clothes (they really need it). Strangely she's absolutely terrible at charms. She's pretty good with everything, but charms ? Nope. She's the mom friend as well as Karkat. But less aggressive of course. Her blood status is just as unknown as Sollux's, Karkat's and Nepeta's (them because they have three parents and her because the only family she has is Dolorosa who is too distantly related - and Dolorosa might have forgot her own blood status. She's old after all). Of course she knew that Nepeta, Sollux and Karkat are triplets, she basically grew up with them. She has always been more close to Karkat than to Sollux and Nepeta but she likes to have tea with Nepeta and reminding Sollux to eat had become a daily habit. She's the other prefect of hufflepuf, no surprise. When she and Rose began to date, everyone was both happy for them and midly terrified. Because they both pretty scary to begin with, so together ?? Brrr.

Terezi's a muggleborn like her sister Latula. She's been raised in the magic world. When she learned about dragons she went absolutely apeshit. She wants one, it's like one of her big goals >:] also she's a Slytherin. She's still blind but it was from birth. She has extreme synesthesia, an actual blind cane and some magic detection abilities. She's fine and is actually one of the few people who can find their way through the castle. She wants to be the head of the Justice department ! She's already D34L1NG W1TH TH3 1NJUST1C3S at hogwarts. Usually the culprits ends on the infirmary. She's maybe a bit too violent, but she's fair. She is surprisingly good at flying (better than Nepeta, Karkat and Feferi, even if that's not difficult) : she says that's because she was a dragon in her past life (Signless quietly disagreed but said that she had a strong bond with a dragon in her previous life). She's pretty good with the other classes but absolutely terrible in potions. Nobody knows if she's really that bad or if she messes it up on purpose (her failed potions always explodes). She and Vriska are absolutely the castle's terrors.

Vriska is a pureblood. The hat hesitated between gryffindor and slytherin but she ended up in slytherin. She's absolutely fascinated by acromantulas. She's also extremely disappointed that she cannot be a pirate (she fully intends to take over her mom's criminal network). She's good with potions, particularly the mind-controlling ones (*badum tsss*). She's also good with DADA and transfiguration, in her own way : everything she does in transfiguration class ends looking like a spider.

Equius is a ravenclaw. He grew up in a pureblood family (see Darkleer's part for more details) and kept some pureblood manners. He likes to build magic objects and is absolutely fascinated by muggle technology (and also ashamed bc muggle technology). He's the most discreet person in the whole castle. This boy is tall and buff and always carries metal things, but somehow he's like hidden in the shadows. He's not very good in magic but that's because he always breaks his wand :( he'd trying to learn wandless magic (that's how it's called righ ?) so he can avoid to buy a wand every week. This also happens with broomsticks - he's been definitely banned from flying class after breaking five broomsticks. He loves his house, they're all pretty calm (with a few exceptions) and they don't seem to mind his awkwardness. When he discovered that Sollux and Karkat were Nepeta's triplets, his brain exploded (they're so differents - both mentally and physically. He tought that Nepeta had a crush on Karkat because she was always hugging him. Nope she's just a very affectionate sister and Karkat loves hugs even if he won't admit it).

Eridan is a hufflepuf and he's very disappointed. He wanted to be in slytherin because he kinda got the mentality "pureblood = slytherin, hufflepuf = lame". But well hufflepuf he is. He'll find out later that his house is actually great and full of nice people who support him :) he's pretty good in DADA (his expelliarmus is mortal *badum tsss*) and good with water spells (*badum tsss x2*). He can fly but only because he had hours of training (if he hadn't he would be just as bad as Karkat, Nepeta and Feferi). His dad adopted Feferi when Eridan was like two. He had a crush on her for five years then realized that being her best friend was better (listen I want them to be happy and without major relationship drama). He's animagus but nobody knows except Feferi and Karkat (and that's becayse Karkat saw him on his animagus form by accident) he hides it because he's a seahorse (*badum tsss x3*) and he thinks it's lame and people will make fun of him but he enjoys being able to breathe underwater so... He's that kind of wizard who claims that muggle are disgusting but actually hides muggle books under his bed.

Feferi is technically a pureblood since Eridan's dad adopted her but her mother is actually the Selkies queen (yes I'm talking about the Condesce) and her father is a unknown wizard. Since she's not fully selkie she doesn't have the turn-into-a-seal thing but she can still breathe under water and swim really fast. She's a Slytherin (Eridan was jealous at first). She's just as bad with flying as Karkat and Nepeta - she's afraid of heights. She's a pretty good student but she's especially good in herbology. Like Eridan she's good with water spells (*badum tsss x4*). She's pretty ambitious (that's why she's in slytherin) : she wants to be the Minister. To change the magic world ! But like in a good sense. She wants to introduce muggle technology into the wizard world ! That far she gained the support of the Captor-Vantas-Leijon family (especially Psiioniic, who works in the muggle side with computers and Signless who knows a lot about muggle things) and Jade (come on she's a scientist). She's very determined >:)

So much for having no ideas... I wanted to do the Beta kids but this post is already long enough. Lets' just say that Jane is in slytherin, Jake in Gryffindor and Dirk and Roxy in ravenclaw. Thanks to @cornusblr ;) you kinda helped me I think you'll recognize some things.

[m39]

Beyond Canonical Extravaganza - YEAR 1: Chapter 12

You tried to say something for over an hour with no progress. All you did was screaming into your pillow, staring at the floor, cursing more than an armada of drunk sailors, and more. Before all of that, you had been staring at this picture for around twenty minutes:

You are now sitting. Your head is on your desk. All you can think of right now is to grab some Skooma right in front of you and-

NO!!!!!!

No! I will not succumb to another alcohol libation like that one time with the weaboo troll from Hiveswap: Friendsim! I still must rant about this one thing that will make you public enemy #1 in Homestuck’s fandom’s eyes if you say anything bad about it!

Because hey, if you couldn’t catch up with my clues in the past, let me scream it in your faces right now:

I DON’T FUCKING LIKE FLUSHED DAVEKAT!!!!!

gasps

Yeah! You fucking heard it! And I’m confident to say it since the worst cesspool from this site moved to Twatter after the NSFW purge of 2018!!

huffs & puffs

Okay… okay… Let me calm down in a minute.

sigh…

Let me explain myself. The truth is that there are worse, more nonsensical ships in Homestuck, canonical or not. Now that I can think about it, flushed Davekat is painfully mediocre as one person told me (I am not going to tell who for their own safety). Unfortunately, it is still my least favorite ship because this shit is everywhere! Almost every Homestuck artist I saw, drew this ship at least once. And most of the time, it was in the style of UwU Daveu-kun, Karkato-kun, kawaii desu UwU shit. If I had a gun pointed to my head to say which ship from Homestuck is the most overrated, it would be this one. I think I only liked two artworks with flushed Davekat and only because of the funny factor they generated. And you know what’s the saddest/funniest thing about all of it? I think that the Pale Davekat is really fucking good, to the point that I might consider it my BroTP.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t like this or draw fanart of it etc. I’m just saying that I don’t like this ship. Nothing more to add.

Now since the rant is over (or at least the bigger part of it), let’s hypothetically say that I am a fan of flushed Davekat. Would I still like what happened in Homestuck^2?

…

No. I don’t think I would. You wanna know why? Because it’s not the Alpha timeline. It’s the Meat timeline, and characters from this timeline (and the Candy cesspool) are not canon. So why should I care about a ship that isn’t even from the Alpha timeline? Hmm? Exactly.

Is there at least something worth talking about? Well…

Umm…

Ergh…

This line from Dave was pretty good:

And uhm…

I…

There is…

There is nothing.

…

Seriously, there is nothing to say about this chapter. Half of it is just Dave having personal drama and Karkat telling him to pull himself together, while the other half is shit that I explained earlier. Just yesterday I was praising the quality of the previous chapter! What the fuck happened!? This chapter feels like fanservice stuffed filler to make Homestuck’s fanbase forgive this comic’s more controversial aspects.

I didn’t even mention how Davekat was partially forced upon by Doc Strider because he wanted his OTP to be true, just like Caliborn before him.

And now, I’m done with this. I’m done talking about it. Let’s hope it will be the last time I talk about it (for a long time at least). But hey, look at the bright side! It can’t get any worse from no-

You suddenly memorized that the last, two chapters of YEAR 1 are in the Candy timeline.

D:

You finally snapped.

a few hours of alcoholic euphoria later

OOOhhhhhhhhhhh yyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeee brother! Imma li-lizard kingi!! 8D

You suddenly hear a loud knocking. Even though you can barely stay on your legs, you manage to reach the door and open it. Behind it, there is a bunch of robe-dressed individuals. Some of them wear accessories based on Dave and Karkat. Others have their skin painted in gray.

Oki Doki towel aaaaaaaAAAAAAAsses. I’m gonna hic say it only once… Ge- belch Get back to that game y- you came from. I’m not interestit into Cabal POOOOOOOOORRRRRRN! YA GOT DAT?!?!

Cultist: Salvete haereticus reputandus.

Pardon me?

Cultist: Non vidistis quod de nostra religione dixisti.

Polish, please?

Cultist: Nos, autem membra non sustinebunt gentes, quæ non CabalCo DavidKattus darent, neve macularent.

Wait wha- OH!!! OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! You must be the fans of CatDaVe!!

Well excuuuuuuuse me, princess, but I’m n-n-nooooooOOOOOOOT a fan of this shippppppppFFFFFFFFFFF! Butt eeyyyyyyyy… We can sti-still accept that nobody is the same and… hic oh god… and not everyone will like a certain ship, rrriiight????

The cultists say nothing for a while. Suddenly they pull their weapons out of their robes.

Cultist: GEROXE BIBOX MALAX!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

technical difficulties

[davekat-sucks]

if he endorsed out davekat in during homosuck hussie must know that would reflect badly on the ship?

I fucking wish Anon, but sadly davekat stans are very delusional and, despite how much they insult everyone else using these very same terms, actually have piss poor reading comprehension that's limited to wattpad fics and tumblr 'analyzes' that spoonfeed them a version of the story that never happened. It doesn't matter that the worst most morally wrong characters support their forced ship, their brains translate that as "omg my ship is SO good that it made Caliborn the homophobe become an ally and Vriska be nice shes so me fr fr YAY"

point is that mabye the idea is that hussie planned meat dave and karkat are gonna break down at some point? or mabye he just changed his mind like a shitass

Maybe the former, but most likely the later when he hired twittertards for ghostwriters that shipped davekat just as hard as the tumblr fans that became utterly obsessed with a ship with zero romantic chemistry or scenes.

I can only imagine if Hussie had chosen to disclose Dave and Karkat not being a couple by the end or not to the people he worked with. Chances are either he kept quiet because he knew they will be pissed at him and break NDAs about what's been going on behind the scenes to spite him. Or believed the success of Davekat will gain the attention and money needed to bring back the glory days. But hey, if people can accept the girls like Roxy, Calliope, Jade, and Kanaya think Dave and Karkat are useless fucks in the Meat Timeline, they are likely to accept Davebot and Candy!Karkat forgiving each other easily in one panel with a kiss. As a fujoshi, that instant lazy way to do it is like getting that small bit of energy from eating at a McDonalds before getting sick later on.