#shes very friend shap

[synthbug]

Hallo I think your OCs are adorable <3 okay bye have a nice day :)

HIII HELLO THIS IS SOO!!! NICEYS !! I BARELY HAVE OC STUFF UP SO U FINDING IT AND SAYING ITS CUTE IS AWWWGHHH!!! THANK U!! THIS MEANS A LOT :3333

And bcoz I'm incapable of answering a nice ask properly have a doodle of ur OC Danielle !! I saw the post for her and she's sooo cool :3 hope she wins number 1 in the ice hockey competitions or whatever the hell !!!! This was supposed to be quicker but I'm very slow and busy so </3 tee hee

[eufezco]

BUCKY'S SECOND FIRST TIME

bucky x fem!reader (smut with plot) no use of y/n

All of this... Bucky hadn't had time to think about when it would happen again, he didn't even think it would ever happen again. He didn't even think deserve to have that kind of intimacy with anyone, didn't think that anyone would want to be in that situation with him.

It's been decades and now his head was full of bizarre thoughts. He had nightmares every time he tried to get some sleep, so the idea of spending the night with somebody was completely out of the table. He was witnessing a complete stranger take over his friend's shield and identity. He had not crossed a name off his list of amends for weeks, he had not answered any of Sam's messages and his psychologist was putting more and more pressure on him.

But in all that chaos there was you who always showed him a kind smile, who always asked him how his day was when you saw him come into the bar, exhausted. You who had his favorite drink ready before he arrived and who looked at him with hearty eyes. You thought you were being too obvious but it had been so long since anyone had looked at him that way that he didn't even notice it.

The day he took Sam to your bar was when he realized, and not even on his own. You were thrilled that he finally introduced you to one of his friends (his only friend in fact) and Sam was so funny and he was always picking on Bucky which made their dynamic even more fun to watch. They arrived almost at closing time so it was just the three of you. That night you ended up closing two hours later, inviting them for a few beers and being walked home by the two of them since it was already very late at night.

—Dude, she's so into you —. Sam huffed a laugh while they walked back from your house.

Bucky arched his eyebrows in surprise and then frowned. —What?

—Oh come on, you gonna tell me you haven't noticed?

Bucky was getting more and more confused. —Noticed what?

Sam stopped on his feet and looked at Bucky in surprise. —Steve told me you used to be a heartthrob back in the day.

—Yeah, back in the day. When I was seventy years younger.

Sam rolled his eyes. —Two things. First, as much as I hate to admit it, you don't look a hundred and seven, and second, I can assure you that this girl is head over heels for you. —Bucky was silent, thinking, so Sam spoke again. —Ask her on a date.

So yes, he asked you out on a date. Well, if inviting you to his house for a drink could be considered a date. He didn't like to be seen in public places too much and fancy restaurants didn't go with him, so while he thought of something better for the second date, his house would work for this time. Bucky shook his head as he found himself thinking about a second date.

Bucky always tried to keep everything tidy, clutter annoyed him and made him even grumpier. But now as he let you walk into his house first he realized how empty it was. He barely had any furniture, only one chair, a small sofa, and a TV. He hadn't even bothered to buy a bed because he slept on the floor. He wondered what was going through your head when you saw his home.

—This is nice —. You stated. At first, you didn't realize how empty his apartment was, you were just appreciating that he had trusted you enough to take you to a place as private and intimate as his home. Then you did notice that some things were missing but you assumed that's all he needed.

Bucky was relieved when he heard those three words come out of your mouth.

You noticed how he kept his jacket and gloves on while he took out two glasses to pour you a drink. Whenever he came home the first thing he did was to take those two things off but with you there, it was different yet when he thought about it, he realized that it was fair that you knew and ran away if you wanted to. So when he caught you looking curious, he first got rid of his gloves, and you could already see the metallic fingers of his hand. Then he took off his jacket, revealing how the metal shaped his left arm.

—You're not going to ask about it? —Bucky thought he was getting ahead of you, saving you from the awkward moment of asking about what happened to him. He poured some liquor in the glasses.

—Do you want to be asked about it?

Bucky looked at you and shook his head. You nodded, understanding his decission. You figured he wouldn't want to talk about it, much less on a first date. Your question caught him off guard yet his answer came almost automatically. He didn't want to talk about it and it was the first time he had been given the option of not doing so.

The rest of the night went great. Bucky was very interested in everything you said. He didn't talk much yet you managed to get some information about him. He had a sister, his favorite fruit was plums, he enjoyed 40s music, and he was a cat person. Every time he told you something about himself, no matter how irrelevant it seemed, you found it fascinating.

You noticed that he was very observant, his icy blue eyes never stopped looking at you for a second. You found it cute, intimidating at times not knowing what thoughts went with those long, intense stares. His eyes were beautiful, captivating, so you could tell every time he broke eye contact to divert his gaze to your lips and then back to your eyes.

Each was on one side of his kitchen island, that way you could look at each other's faces while talking. You were leaning more and more on the table that separated you, taking advantage of the moments of laughter to get closer to each other until that way you kissed him.

At first, you felt him a little stiff even though the sigh that he had let out when you had finally kissed his lips told you otherwise. You parted ways. —Is this okay?

Bucky nodded and immediately after, he leaned in and pressed his lips against yours again. It had been so long since he had kissed anyone that he didn't know if his lip movements were being too clumsy, if the clash of his teeth with yours was bothering you, or if his tongue slipping past your lips was okay. He did not know how to control his breathing that's why he let out little moans against your mouth, trying to catch his breath without having to leave your lips.

He felt like a teenager again. The tingling sensation in his lower abdomen made him want to run away and hide but at the same time did not want to part from your lips for anything in the world. He was afraid of the way you made him feel but at the same time he didn't want that feeling to ever go away.

Didn't know how or when but he ended up sitting on his couch with you on his lap. Your lips and his had come into perfect synchrony and the kiss was getting deeper and wetter. Oh God and he wasn't gonna complain. Your hands were pulling from the root of his hair, your hips rolled subtly against his crotch, his right hand was resting on your hips. Bucky felt how his jeans tightened right where you were sitting.

Bucky tried to keep his left arm away from you, holding your body on top of his just using his right one. He was aware that the touch of the metal was not the most pleasant in the world. It wasn't soft, it wasn't warm, it was nothing like a flesh-and-blood hand.

—It's okay. You can touch me, James —. You moaned against his mouth. Yet he was still a bit reluctant to do so.

In the end, you would have to be the one to gently grab his metal arm and guide his hand to your waist. You kept your hand on top of his metal one while pressing down so he could hold you as tight as he was doing with his other hand, also to assure him that it was okay. You moved your hand from him once you felt his metallic fingers carefully close and grip your body. You smiled in the middle of the kiss, the firm grip of both of his hands encouraged you to grind harder against his crotch.

You pulled his t-shirt over his head and allowed your fingers to travel down his abs until you reached the button and zipper on his jeans. Bucky hissed at the sudden contact and held your hips tighter.

—Wait —. Bucky said against your lips. He pulled away and you were afraid that you had done something wrong. All you had to do was pull down the zipper, but your hands immediately stopped what they were doing when he spoke. You ran your tongue over your lower lip, already missing Bucky's, and you noticed how pink and swollen his were. —It's been a long time since I —. He confessed.

—Oh. —You said in a sigh. —We can't stop if you—

—No. I just— I just wanted you to know. —Bucky groaned. —I'm sorry. I've ruined it. —He let his head fall on your shoulder.

You giggled and you brought your hands to his cheeks so that he would raise his head and look at you. —It's okay, James. You've not ruined anything. I'm glad you've told me. —You gave a quick peck to his lips. —I was just saying that if you want to stop or need to slow down I'm okay with that.

—I don't want to stop.

—Good. Me neither.

And Bucky crashed his lips against yours again. You finished what you started and unzipped his jeans while he pulled from the hem of your shirt and threw it away. Bucky cursed and brought his mouth to the skin of your breasts, using his lips to suck and kiss on it and his teeth for small bites. You moaned and pulled harder from his hair, making him groan. His hands wasted no time and right after they were unbuttoning and unzipping your jeans while his mouth left a trail of kisses from your boobs to your neck and collarbone until he reached your mouth again.

Your lifted your hips from his lap so your hand could sneak inside his underwear. Bucky did the same with your panties. Your fingers wrapped around his hard dick and Bucky's found their way to your clit. You moaned and closed your eyes shut when he started rubbing your bundle of nerves and Bucky's lips parted and let out all the air that he had in his lungs when your hand moved painfully slow from the tip of his cock to the base of it.

You pressed your foreheads together. Your thighs closed around his hand but he continued drawing circles on your clit and his mouth reached for your lips again. Bucky's hips thrust into your fist while some of his moans died in your mouth. He felt a wave of heat running through his body and that sweet knot formed in his lower belly.

—I need you inside, please —You whined.

You didn't have to beg anymore. You moved from his lap so you both could get rid of your jeans and underwear. You straddled him again, using your hands on his shoulders for stability when your fingers brushed the scarred skin that connected with the metal of his arm.

You noticed the worried expression on his face. He was looking at you with his eyebrows raised as if he was waiting for a reaction from you. A reaction of disgust. He could feel his chest rise and fall slowly because of his deep breathing and he was wondering what was going on in your head at the time.

You pressed your lips against his one more time, your hands moved to cup both of his cheeks. —It's okay. Just focus on me —. You mumbled into his mouth and he hummed in response.

Without stopping kissing him, your hands began to travel down. First his neck, then his broad shoulders, feeling again those scars he was so insecure about, and then his arms. His right one was strong, with perfectly defined muscles and the softest skin. His left one was cold and hard, not at all unpleasant to the touch. Your lips moving on his kept Bucky from overthinking.

He gasped when you reached his well-defined abdomen. You would have spent the whole night caressing and feeling his body under your fingertips but you were getting impatient. Your fingers wrapped around the base of his cock to line it up at your entrance and gently lowered yourself. Bucky's mouth opened in a perfect "O" form as he gripped your waist tightly. You had to wait a few seconds to get used to the sensation before you started moving, he needed those seconds as well to get used to your tight walls squeezing him.

You started by rolling your hips against his, it was the best way to adjust to his size. Despite how wet you were you could feel that sweet sting caused by his width. You rested your forehead against his, you both were panting when you began to lift your hips and drop them back onto his cock. The sounds that came out of his mouth were music to your ears, the grunts coming directly from his chest made you vibrate.

You hugged him to feel him even closer. Bucky tried to hold on as hard as he could, he kissed your shoulder and softly sank his teeth into your skin there, getting a whine from you, but it was too much. Every time he felt his dick going fully inside you, the knot on his stomach became tighter, every time he heard you moaning his name in his ear he did his best to last a little bit longer but in the end, he found it impossible.

Bucky emptied himself inside you while he dropped his forehead on your shoulder and apologized for coming so quickly. —Don't worry. We have all night —. You played with the hair on the back of his head and allowed him to come back from his high.

And you spent the whole night until you heard the birds chirping. The stamina he had thanks to the super soldier serum was truly something else and he made it up to you until you felt completely disconnected from your own body and Bucky had to snuggle you next to him on the couch to let you sleep.

Bucky didn't sleep that night. He was afraid that if he did, he'd hurt you or scare you with his nightmares so he stayed awake all night, but he didn't mind either. He had his right arm around you and he held you against his body, your head was on his chest as well as one of your hands. He felt the warmth of your naked body against his under the blanket.

[saphiccarma]

Title: i loved you like the sun

Relationships: Reader/Natasha Romanov (One sided), Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov

Warnings: Brief/Vague mentions of abuse.

You gripped your backpack straps nervously as you stared at the new school. After just moving to Ohio, your family moving around constantly due to your father working for SHIELD, it meant another new school. That was nothing new, but still you hated the feeling.

Without a parent here to support you, you had to find your classroom on your own. Bright colors greeted you upon entering the classroom, and a bright, cheery teacher. This was the type of room you expected for kindergarten - the bright colors, motivational posters...all that good stuff-, but fourth grade seemed a bit old for that.

After being greeted by your teacher, who adorned circle glasses and had her brunette hair pulled into a low bun, you were sat in the corner with a blonde girl behind you and a red-headed boy, who kept picking his nose, next to you. Crinkling your nose in disgust, you settled in and awaited a lecture from your teacher who had too pitchy of a voice for your taste.

Throughout the lecture the girl behind you, you think the teacher called her Caroline, kept kicking your seat and catapulting spit wads at you. They fell the to floor silently, a few sticking to your hair. Once again, the bullying was nothing new.

After finally being released for lunch, you ventured towards the cafeteria with your lunchbox in hand. Scanning the area for a quiet corner you couldn't quite find one, the best place being a spot in the back occupied only by a blue-haired girl. You scanned the area one more time to make sure there were no more seats available for reluctantly heading over towards the girl. The blue-haired girl glanced up at you as you sat on the farthest end of the bench. She looked you up and down with green eyes, almost a blue-shade but still green, before looking down and doodling on her notebook.

Electing to ignore her, you plucked your lone orange out of lunch bag and scarfed it down - being the only thing you've eaten all day. The girl eyed you weirdly, making you realize you probably ate the orange like a rabid animal, but at this point you could care less.

"Do you need more food?" her quiet voice spoke up.

You whipped your head up to look at her with wide eyes and rosy cheeks.

"I- um- if you have some," your lips felt heavy when you tried to force words past your lips as her caring eyes gazed at you and passed over half a sandwich.

"Aren't you hungry?" you asked, "and thanks."

The girl shrugged, "Eh, you seem hungrier."

"Thanks," you mumbled, "My name's Y/N."

There wasn't a response for a long moment, before eventually the girl replied, "Natasha."

"Nice to meet you, Natasha."

<_____________>

Throughout the next few weeks, you and Natasha slowly became friends. Very awkward friends. You, being scared to make a friend for fear of having to move, and her being...you didn't actually know, she just didn't seem keen on making friends. Maybe she was just shy.

Your cheek ached subconsciously as you wandered into school the next day. The hand shapped bruise forming under you hoodie was a testament to the rough night you had, and the bruise on your cheek wasn't easy to cover up with makeup. Natasha greeted you quietly in the halls before narrowing her eyes at your cheek.

She grabbed your chin and turned your head side to side, "Are you wearing makeup?"

You slapped her hand away, "No."

With a huff you started walking away.

"I know you’re lying," she accused, "I can see the tiny little grains of makeup. Crappy makeup."

You exhaled through your nose, "I'm not wearing makeup Natasha."

Natash glared at you, making her annoyance clear, before stomping ahead towards class. You puffed up your cheeks in frustration before trailing after her. After taking your usual seat and pulling out your notebook, you glanced at Natasha across the room. Even though you could tell she knew you were staring, she always did, the blue-haired girl kept her head ducked and was doodling in her notebook. You decided to do the same, or you were planning to but the girl behind you kept chucking spit wads in your hair.

By the end of class, you are certain that at least three crumbled up, wet, paper balls had slid down your back. Snatching up your backpack and pulling out your lunch, you marched towards the cafeteria and took your usual seat. For the first time in a few weeks, you and Natasha sat opposite each other and didn't talk.

Just as you were about to eat the cookie you had been saving for a few days after receiving it from a family friend, your mother not allowing you any and you had to sneak this one, Caroline came and plucked it out of your hand.

"Hey!" you scrambled out of your seat to try and grab but the girl danced away with a taunting laugh.

"Give it back!"

Caroline shoved half of it in her mouth, chewing mockingly, before dropping the other half and squishing it with her foot, "Oops."

Your face burned red when you noticed at least half the cafeteria was staring, no doubt noticing your screeching. Just as you were about the sulk back over to your seat, a mop of blue hair shoved Caroline to the ground.

Natasha stood above her with crossed arms and a scowl firmly implanted on her face, "You owe her a cookie."

"No, I don't," Caroline contradicted.

"Yes," Natasha disagreed firmly, "You do."

Something in Caroline changed, you weren't sure what, but she nodded quickly before scrambling to her feet and nearly running away. Natasha turned towards you, her eyes glittering with concern.

"You, ok?"

"Fine." you responded, your voice curt.

"Are you made at me about earlier?" Natasha asked as you both took your seats once more, this time sitting a bit closer.

"Maybe," you shrugged, "I also thought you were mad at me."

"Oh..." Natasha trailed off and cleared out the air in cheeks, contemplating her response, "I'm not mad at you...Sorry."

You blinked owlishly at her before replying, "I'm sorry for being stubborn too."

She smiled at you, a small, genuine one and you smiled back. A small ache developed in your chest, one you couldn't quite place.

That was the only fight you ever had with her, and for the next two years Natasha would be your best friend. She would be your sun in the dark. 

<___________>

Overtime, you and Natasha hung out more. You read together at the library, went to the Starbucks down the street once a month to get drinks with allowance money, and sometimes you two snuck out of your houses and laid together in a tree staring at the stars. It was the same tree every time, this one near the school. You would both dress in your school clothes and bring your backpacks before sleeping next to each other in the tree.

"Natasha?" you asked one night after the first day of fifth grade, gazing at the stars through the leaves of the tree, "Do you think we'll always be like this?"

"Huh? Where'd that come from?" she turned her head to look at you and lay on her side.

"Uh- well-" you shrugged awkwardly, "Just thinking out loud."

Natasha thought for a moment before propping herself up on her elbow, "I doubt we'll be together forever. Isn't that what growing up is all about?"

"I guess," you murmured.

The two of you brewed in silence for a moment, you gazing up at Natasha from where she had propped herself up her elbow, and her looking down on you with kindness in her eyes.

"I don't think I want to grow up," you whispered into the dark.

"....neither do I."

Natasha shifted to lay down and you both casted your gaze back to the stars. There was that small ache in your chest again, one that made it feel like your chest was about to explode with some overwhelming feeling, but still you couldn't place it. Not after having known Natasha all those years.

"I wish we could be like this forever," you announced.

You thought you heard Natasha sniffle slightly before she replied, "Me too."

<_______________>

Despite being friends all throughout fourth grade and half of fifth grade, you and Natasha had never been to each other’s houses. Not once in the entire near two years of knowing each other had you gone to each other's houses. Neither of you brought it up. Group projects were done at the library or the park, you met up at Starbucks down the street. It was never mentioned why home seemed to be avoided.

However, you had met her mother - a brunette woman with stern eyes but a kind voice. She smiled at you and asked about your parents and your life. If you enjoyed school. If you father ever talked about his work (You didn't mention that he was nearly never home, and the times he was wasn't used for work). What your favorite color was. All the basic stuff. You decided you liked Mrs. Melina.

Natasha's little sister was with her the day you met her mom at the park. Her younger sister, a blonde who was named Yelena, was a bright girl with a toothy smile. She babbled to you about horses, one of her favorite animals, and her favorite TV shows, and how her daddy was going to take her on a big adventure one day. (You missed the way Natasha winced at that last one, and her eyes fogged over slightly.)

Then one day, Natasha invited you over with a hesitant smile, "My mom was saying if you and your parents wanted to come over for dinner next week...."

"Um-" you rubbed the back of your neck, "My dad isn't due to be back for a few weeks, and my mum works all nights." The second was a lie, your mother didn’t work.

"Oh," Natasha deflated slightly before brightening back up, "You can come over still if you want."

"I would love to."

There was that tiny little feeling in your chest that made it feel heavy with emotion as you accepted her offer, but you still couldn't place it.

With spring break coming up, you and Natasha didn't see each other as often, neither of you having excuses to leave the house. Despite that you were both determined for you to come over for dinner.

After practically buzzing with excitement you snuck out of the house, your mother passed out on the couch with her arm slung over her head, and made your way over to Natasha's on your bike. She had told you her address, so you were able to figure out where it was.

When you arrived, there was a new car in the driveway and a moving truck. Hesitantly you creeped up the steps and knocked on the door. It took a moment before it swung open to reveal an elderly lady with gold rimmed glasses and grey hair. She smiled at you kindly, but with confusion in her eyes.

"How can I help you sweetie?"

"Um..." you fumbled slightly before responding, "I'm looking for the Romanoff household?"

The woman tilted her head slightly before hollering back into the house, "Jaime!"

A young man, maybe a few years older than you came skidding into view, his hair disheveled, "Yes, grandma?"

"Have you heard of the Romanoffs?"

You nervously fiddled with your thumbs.

"Oh!" the boy perked up, "they were the family who lived here before us."

"Do you maybe know why they left?" you asked.

"No, sweetie," the woman glanced at you with pity, "I'm sorry if you knew them."

"Thank you," you whispered, "I'm sorry for wasting your time."

As you started to walk away the older woman stopped you and told you to wait. She walked back into her house for a moment, her grandson following, and it took everything in you to contain your tears to before you left. The woman came back with a baggie filled with chocolate chips and passed them towards you.

"Take care," she murmured, "Eat some more. You're looking skinny."

You thanked the woman profusely before hopping on your bike.

Tears streaked down your face as you biked back towards your house. Natasha just left . She left and didn't tell you. Natasha was your best friend and she left without telling you. That hurt more than your mothers punches did. For once, you thought you made real someone, someone you thought you could dare to call your best friends. Yet, she left without a word.

It was hard sneaking into the house without sobbing violently and waking up your mother, but once you made it took your room you collapsed into heaving sobs.

You had made friends before, but none as good as Natasha. She defended you, she gave you extra food, and you looked after each other. Then she just up and left. With a surge of anger to rushed to your feet and yanked all the photos of the wall of you too. You tore them down and threw them in the trash. All but one.

Carefully, you cradled one photo in your hand. It was your birthday - one of the only days your father visited. He heard about Natasha and offered to take you two out. You guys went to a trampoline park, and after being sweaty with messed up hair ate pizza and birthday cake.

This photo stared you and Natasha smiling wide toothy smiles, you missing a middle top tooth, and arms wrapped around each other. Cake frosting was covering your faces, and your father was laughing behind you - his hand on his stomach and the other holding a cake platter. The photo was taken by a family friend who dropped off the cake.

You tucked that into a drawer by your bed and decided you wouldn't think of Natasha Romanoff anymore. She was gone and there was nothing you could do about it.

<__________>

Deciding to take after your father, you joined SHIELD straight out of collage. With straight A's and a good word put in from your father, you got accepted immediately. You quickly climbed the ranks, being level five by the time you were twenty two.

Then you heard a name you hadn't heard in a long time.

"Bro-" one of your bunkmates and teammates, Connor, exclaimed, "did you hear about the crazy assassin they brought in? Apparently she's from this place called the Red Room and Clint Barton brought her in even though he was supposed to kill her."

"I heard she has over 50 assassinations," your other teammate, Carmen murmured.

After finishing the year of rookie training, you had been assigned four teammates. For the last three years they had been your team and bunkmates. There was Connor, Olivia, Marcus, and for a while Clint Barton was part of that. You were probably the closest with him, but you were all a team - and dare you say friends. Then Clint Barton got reassigned to Agent Coulson's team and he was replaced with Barbara, Bobbi, Morse.

"Clint said that he just couldn't kill her," you chimed in. Clint still kept in contact with you, texting nearly every day.

"Does anyone have a name?" Bobbi asked as she waltzed in wearing a lab coat.

"Woah!" Marcus exclaimed, jolting upright from where he sat upside-down on his bed, "Where'd you come from."

Everyone ignored him, per usual, before Connor responded, "Natasha Romanoff, well Natalia Romanova, but I heard she changed it."

Time seemed to slow for a minute. Natasha Romanoff...you had heard that name before. Natasha Romanoff.....

It came back to you in a rush.

A mop of blue hair.

A tentative smile, but still wide and cheerful none the less.

A girl standing up for you after you got bullied.

A photo you still kept in your safe-keeps box.

A sun shinning down on your really crappy life.

Nearly two years of friendship thrown out the window.

Natasha Romanoff, you best childhood friend. Really your only childhood friend. She was back and apparently an assassin. And in SHIELD.

Well this threw a wrench in your plans to completely forget about her.

<_____________>

Over the next few years you watched Natasha Romanoff climb the ranks of SHIELD, then you watched her become an avenger. Her hair was red now, so different from her short, blue mop of hair. Her eyes were greener, not the blue-ish green they used to be. Her features were more defined, obviously. No, you were not stalking her, but when your old childhood friend joins your workplace, anyone would keep up with what they were doing. Right? Right.

You and Clint still texted frequently texted, but he never brought up his Avenger friends, so you never brought up your old connection to Natasha.

When SHIELD crashed, you were lacking a job. Severely. That was your entire life. Ever since you dad passed a few years back, you had no home to go to. Your mom was out of the question, so that ruled out any family. However, Clint invited you over for Christmas, and you had been going for every major holiday since. Until he mentioned he would start bringing Natasha over, every year after that you made an excuse not to go. Clint was starting to get tired of it.

But regardless, SHIELD was crashed, and you couldn't go stay with Clint. The chance of running into Natasha were too high, and you didn't want to burden him like that. Then, after you barely scrapping by with rent on your new apartment, Clint texted you.

    Clint Barton - 10:27

      Hey Dummy, I found you a job

You pulled out phone before typing a reply back.

    You - 10:28

      Where?

    Clint Barton - 10:28

     The Tower. Tony's, really the whole team, is looking for someone to help run backend (SHIELD may have crashed but we still have missions) and do paper work for us (ever         since Tony hired Maria a few days ago, she's been on top of that). I can tell him I got a g'all for the job if your interested.

You hesitated. Working at the tower and running backend would mean you would have to interact with Natasha, but you also didn't have a choice. You needed that job because soon enough you wouldn't be able to pay rent.

    Clint Barton - 10:31

      Tony says he's willing to give you an apartment in the tower for free

Your reply was instant.

    You - 10:31

      I'm in.

<____________>

Moving into the tower wasn't difficult, you had minimal stuff - a few photos of your and father, clothes, plus your keepsakes box. You pinned the photos up in your room, a luxurious space with a floor to ceiling window on one wall, cream colored walls, a walk in closet, and bathroom attached. The clothes were placed in the closet and you shoved the keepsakes box under the queen sized bed.

At first you tried telling Stark it was too much, but he shook his finger in your face and said, "Too late. Besides I need you on stand by in case we need anything."

Clint told you that you should come to dinner tonight on the 98th floor - the communal floor and eight floors above you -, so that you could get to know everyone. You showered, now letting your hair smell of strawberries and lavender, and dressed in casual, but nice clothes. A black blouse and dark blue jeans with some flats. Work casual more like it.

When you arrived the entire avengers team was staring at you, all but one. Everyone was there, Clint, Tony Stark, Thor Oddison, Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers. The only one missing was Natasha.

Rogers stood to greet you, "It's a pleasure to meet you miss..."

"Y/L/N," you introduced, "Y/N Y/L/N."

He stuck out his hand, "Pleasure to meet you Ms. Y/L/N. Steve Rogers."

You shook his hand firmly in return.

"Cap, when you're done being a gentlemen can we eat please?" Tony called out, his tone overdramatic.

Steve walked you over to the table and pulled out a chair for you.

"It is nice to meet you lady Y/L/N!" Thor exclaimed as he served himself a large portion of spaghetti, "I'm sure we will get along nicely."

You smiled kindly in return, "I'm sure we will," you glanced around once more, mainly for show before asking, "Where's Black Widow?"

"Oh, she's out with her girlfriend," Tony threw out casually, making kissy faces, "They're probably sucking face right now."

"Can we not at the table?" Steve asked as he elbowed Tony.

"I second that," Banner interrupted.

"I think it's quite sweet that lady Natasha and lady Maria find joy in each other!" Thor announced.

The entire time your head was realing. Natasha had a girlfriend..? For some reason that stung, deep and hard. It cut straight to your heart and laid heavy in your chest. Her girlfriend was Maria, you assumed Maria Hill. A feeling, akin to jealousy (but it couldn't be jealousy, no way. You didn't get jealous over relationships.), kindled in your chest. Maria had always gotten what you wanted. You had trained with her in the academy, she always had better grades. And now...she had your childhood friend. That was fine. You were fine.

Dinner went smoothly, you all conversing with each other. When you were done you excused yourself, cleared your plate, and said you wanted to get an early start tomorrow so you were going to turn in. Steve smiled kindly at you and offered to walk you back to your room. You declined and made your way back to elevator. Just as you were about the hit the up button the door dinged and out stepped Natasha Romanoff and Maria Hill.

For a moment your brain forgot how to function. Natasha wore a red, sleeveless shirt with a black skirt and matching heels. Silver earrings lined her ears, with a gold necklace. Her hair flowed down in soft waves and curled inwards at her shoulders. Her face looked like it was carved out of marble, her jawline perfect and cheekbones beautiful. Red lipstick highlighted her lips as she laughed at something Maria said, and her cheeks lit up in a rosy red.

Her eyes, green as ever, darted towards you stepping towards the elevator and her eyes widened.

The two of you stared at each other for a long moment, everyone else forgotten.

"Y/N?" she questioned, her voice no more than a whisper.

"Natasha." you greeted with a curt nod, "I was just going to my room."

You strode past them, the ache in your chest gone and filled with a familiar feeling - anger. Years of anger, anger at her for leaving when you needed her most, leaving without telling you, and not even bothering to look. You had searched for months, with what limited resources you had. And here she was, with a girlfriend and being an avenger.

Her voice called out to you as you stepped into the elevator and you saw her rushing towards you as the elevator door closed.

<____________>

Once you got to your room, you promptly pulled out your keep-sake box and dug around in it for a special photo. Pulling it out was the photo of you and Natasha on your birthday, your dad in the back. You traced your finger over the scratch marks, and all the little details on the photos. Tears sprang into your eyes as you remembered those days.

Natasha really was your only friend. When you needed her most, the days when your father left more, and your mother started drinking more. She was gone, and you needed a friend. You don't think you made friends after that, other your bunkmates and Clint.

But now she was back in your life.

God you were so stupid to accept the job. You should have just found somewhere else. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"Y/N...?" a voice called through your door followed by a hesitant knock.

You didn't want to open the door, but if you were going to work here you might as well talk it out. With slow, heavy steps you walked over and opened the door a crack to reveal Natasha.

"Can I come in?"

You opened to door further to let her in and she took a look around.

"I see you haven't decorated much."

"I didn't have much to decorate with," you shrugged.

She sighed, "Y/N..."

"What do you want Nat?"

Natasha flinched slightly, "I get your mad at me. I left without a trace. I'm- I'm really sorry for that," she ducked her head, "but- I really didn't have a choice."

"Was our friendship even real? Or were you just using me to get closer to my dad?" you accused. You heard about her mission once she joined SHIELD. Natasha had been sent to Ohio, undercover, to gather SHIELD date.

"If you want it to be real," she mumbled.

"I do," you whispered, "but do you think it was real?"

"I think it was the only real thing about that mission."

You sighed and rubbed your forehead.

"Look- I want to start over. Re-do," she proposed and stuck her hand out.

You smiled at her familiar antics, anger forgotten (you never could stay mad at her), and stuck your hand out to shake hers, "Y/N Y/L/N"

"Natasha Romanoff," she smiled back at you.

<___________>

A few years later you were standing in a pale red dress, not pink, and holding a bouquet of flowers.

"Natasha Romanoff, do you take Maria Hill to be your bride?"

You wished Natasha would look at you the way she looked at Maria.

"I do," the red-head murmured.

"You may kiss the bride."

Cheers erupted as Natasha and Maria kissed, slow and soft. Natasha's white dress spilled out behind her, not too long, but still beautiful and matching Maria's black suit.

Everyone migrated to the ceremony and you tried to be happy for your best friends as they shared their first dance. Over the last few years you had become really close with Maria and Natasha, although you and Maria had a bit of a rockier start - even rockier than you and Nat. But you got along eventually.

That ache in your chest resurfaced, that one feeling you didn't think you would ever identify, but it was still there. Natasha twirled in her wife's arms as Wanda leaned over to you.

"I can hear your thoughts," she whispered, her accent thick, "I'm sorry."

"Why?"

Wanda gave you a look, "You love her do you not?"

And suddenly, that ache in your chest made sense, "I guess I do." You realized that feeling was love.

But Natasha was married and happy, so that would have to be enough for you.

[weirdraccoon]

Hogwarts Legacy and what kind of Youtubers (ot tiktokers whatever) they are cause this idea just bit me in the brain

MC: one of those explorers who may or may not find the gates to hell in a cave. Also touches everything they find. Cursed ever since they played with a ouija board in a cemetery to win a bet. Lives. Talks about their pets while breaking into creepy abandoned buildings. Keeps a collection of creepy stuff over their bed. Some might think they're a psychopath.

Garreth: Recipes!!! But he doesn't have butter so maybe oil works? And he doesn't have that brown sugar but what if he adds some oil to the regular white sugar? He thinks the blender doesn't work until he realizes he didn't plug it in. First hundred videos are mostly about how to react to kitchen emergencies. Then he turns out to be an amazing cook and everyone misses when he used to set the water on fire.

Ominis: AITA reddit reactions, Karen-videos reactions, Wedding-drama reactions. Loves petty stories the most. (Gossip. He lives for gossip.) He makes live-especials where he criticises his best friend's latest video, not caring that said best friend is sitting right beside him. People ship them for some reason and he just goes along with it. (No one has told him Sebastian blushes when he fake kisses him on camera).

Sebastian: Book and movie reviews, he likes to compare them to decide which one was best (books always win in his channel). His lives are about him playing some videogame to either destroy his opponents or destroy the story. The ones he actually likes have their own section on his channel and it's clear he loves them by edition alone. He also has videos where he tries to pull pranks on his bf but either Ominis is very lucky or very innocent. Was the one who started the Sebinis ship (unknowingly) and will be the first to admit his feelings one day.

Imelda: Extreme sports and challenges. Has touched a lot of dangerous beasts just for the thrill of it. She was the one betting MC to play with the ouija board. She wanted to try jumping off a plane without a parachute but apparently that was not allowed and if she dared to do it anyway she wouldn't be welcome on a plane anymore. Most parents hate her channel but she says it's their fault if their children are idiots who try what they see on the internet.

Amit: Constelations and stuff about the universe, planets and stars. One day he mentions the zodiac signs and his fate is sealed. Realizes there is some truth to the zodiac and becomes one of the more popular channels on zodiac and astrology. Still hates when people think astrology is the same as astronomy. Tries to teach people. People ask about their zodiac houses. He learns about zodiac houses.

Poppy: cientific facts about animals and birds and bugs and anything that fits in the animal kingdom. Defends spiders when people say they should be burned. Recognizes weird shapped worms with one single glance. Tries to get people to be kind to animals even if people fight each other. One time she saved a wolf from death. Then she fed a deer. She also rescued a fox. Animals often visit her house to be pet or fed and she loves it.

[astrito]

I start the day lying and end with the truth That I'm dying for the knife Shaplin belongs to @m-chromatic !! I have a LOT to say about this, man!! If you wanna read all about it, it's under the read more.

This one is my absolute favorite I swear to everything ahhh!!! I wasn't planning to make a drawing, or even an animation of her because I thought: "damn baby. you draw her almost daily and you're gonna give sib with another shap???" ...But I got so god damn silly. Terribly silly. Sillyness levels overload. I got the idea from a tag saying that one of her songs is Working For The Knife! Honestly the first time I heard it I cried DSJKJHKSK :C A little because of her but... it reminded me so much of my friends that could not get to pursue their passions, and it reminded me that at one point, I thought I was gonna be like that. I'm glad it's not like that for me, but it still hurts that it's like that for people that I care about... I didn't plan to make this an animation either. It was going to be a still, but when I drew the knife circle from the background I felt like it was going to feel incomplete if I didn't give it life. This is one of the few projects I saved the thumb for! Here it is:

she looks even sadder here damn!!!!! im sorry babybird........

If you didn't notice, the papers on the back of the animation have drawings in them!! These papers are meant to be the exact same papers as the ones on this drawing.

I did some searching, because if I get anything wrong about her on a piece that had such amount of effort put into it I was going to combust. Die. On the spot. Just like that. That search was for drawings of m-chromatic's interpretation of Spamt​o​n N​E​O, and I think (and hope) I did a decent job of drawing it, and animating the boiling lines effect. It was not hard, but neither was it necessary and I believe it made a significant difference over just a single image, y'know? I also saved that one, as a gif:

I think I made the torso too short now that I look at it again, but it doesn't really bother me since you aren't meant to be able to see the torso anyway. /lh

For some reason Moho doesn't like clipping masks, and/or gifs. It was kind of a pain trying to incorporate it into the papers... Understandable since one should be animating 80% of things on one software but (white guy who's douchy voice) damnnnnn :/ Another, very fun, very exciting problem /s I had with Moho was trying to rig her... If you saw me cry about not being able to rig an eye on the month of July, that was me crying about her eyes. Which by the way, the rigging problem got solved. How? NO IDEA. IT. IT JUST HAPPENED. I wasn't about to complain though lmfaooo The last thing I want to say is: overall I loved working on this!!! It was so fun and I'm really proud of where my effort led me, I really love Shaplin wahh (this would be the second project I put a significant amount of effort into that's about her... autism man!!! autism!!! /lh) With nothing more left to say, I bid you adieu, dear reader!!! /lh and thank you for, well... reading, by the way!!! aheem aheem

[princessamericachavez]

The waking up, having forgotten and remembering the full extent of what forever is

6x17 Spec (AO3)

“Okay, so, a couple years ago, we were responding to a call and then he got... he got shot, right in front of me... in the middle of the street... and out of nowhere, he almost died.” “So he had his very own brush with death,” Natalia’s eyebrows arch. “Cool.”

“Hey, are you alright?” Natalia asks, snapping Buck back to reality. 

His coffee’s gone cold. He looks at the cup, shyly, then back at her. To be honest, Buck is far from fine. He’s exhausted. The day was long, the calls were complicated, Eddie was acting off, Chim was stressing out about proposing to his sister like they aren’t already practically married anyway, and all he wants deep down is to go home, take a shower and sleep twelve hours straight. 

But he’s been pushing back this date with Natalia for almost a whole week now (not his fault, just STUFF that kept randomly happening and getting in the way because the Universe will not give Evan Buckley a single break) and he didn’t want her to think he was ghosting her or something. So now he’s here, staring at a cold coffee cup, thoughts far away. 

“Sorry, yeah. I’m- I was just thinking about that call, from this morning...”

“The proposal,” Natalia guesses. 

Buck nods with a heavy sigh. 

“The sky diver... You know, I actually told Chim to do that last week?” He asks, dread filling him up, but shakes the idea as quickly as possible. “I just- I keep thinking about that guy. He was in love, he had every single reason to survive, to live for... and he just, he didn’t make it.” 

Buck still remembers the man’s ribs cracking under his palms, his fiancé’s sobs somewhere across the street, Bobby’s hand on his shoulder forcing him to stop. He’s gone, kid. 

“It’s just death,” Natalia says, gently. “Most people who go there don’t come back.”

“Yeah, but I did,” Buck says, a little too sharply. “I- I came back, I got a second chance. Why didn’t he? He had so much to live for...”

“Didn’t you?”

Buck blinks at her. He thinks of endless hospital hallways, of a thick glass wall, of his own face filled with every cruel word he’s ever said. He thinks of the words Bobby Nash is dead, and a Diaz-shapped hole in the world. 

“Yeah, I did. But-”

“But he had more?” Natalia guesses. 

Buck shrugs. “Maybe. I don’t know. I just- It doesn’t seem fair.”

“Death isn’t fair, Buck,” her eyes sparkle as she speaks, like they do every time they broach her favorite subject. Which is, if he’s being honest, every time they meet. “Death just is. And everything else, well... it doesn’t matter.”

“It has to matter,” Buck shakes his head. “There has to be a reason.”

“A reason he died? Or a reason you survived?”

“I don’t know. Both? I just- I wish I knew, you know? I wish I could tell for sure why I’m still here.”

“To share your wisdom with me?” Natalia teases and it manages to make him chuckle, though even he can tell the sound is far from happy. 

“Maybe. Maybe that’s why.”

Maybe he came back to meet her, to know her, to love her and be loved by her, to finally get it right. Yeah. Maybe. It doesn’t feel entirely right, though.

“I just hate how random these things are, you know? This guy did everything right, but he just flew across a bank robbery car chase, and... just like that, his life was over.”

“In a flash?” Natalia asks, arching an eyebrow, easily guessing where Buck’s thoughts really are. And he’s slightly embarrassed, because he really should know by now that he’s not the center of the universe, but he can’t help it when these things affect him. 

“These things just keep happening when you least expect them.”

“These things... plural?” She asks, eyes a little eager again, clearly guessing he’s about to mention another brush with death. 

“It’s like- like when Eddie got shot,” he says. “You- you know Eddie, right, my best friend? He- he was at the call at Marie’s funeral, when we met,” he explains, which really shouldn’t be necessary because even if they haven’t officially met he knows he’s mentioned Eddie more than once to Natalia. What did you do today? How did you day go? So where were you on the weekend? The answer always leads back to Eddie and Chris. Still, Natalia has the good grace to nod along. “Okay, so, a couple years ago, we were responding to a call and then he got... he got shot, right in front of me... in the middle of the street... and out of nowhere, he almost died.”

“So he had his very own brush with death,” Natalia’s eyebrows arch. “Cool.”

The word rips through him like a bullet, like lightning, it knocks the air out of his lungs and fills them with something akin to acid. 

“Cool?” He says, voice low and slow and angry. “Eddie almost dying wasn’t ‘cool’, Nat. He was bleeding out in the middle of the street. I had to drag him out, I had to beg him not to die on the way to the hospital, he- he could’ve died. For real. Forever.”

“But he didn’t, just like you.”

“It doesn’t matter! Just- just because he survived it doesn’t mean it’s nothing!” 

And just as he’s starting to feel awful about raising his voice, something shifts in Natalia’s face. A small, victorious, smile blooms across her face and her eyes shine with a new kind of excitement. And, just like that, it comes crashing down on him. 

“This... this was never a date, was it?” He asks, voice hoarse. 

At that, her expression twists guiltily. She shakes her head. 

“Then- then what was the whole... the being interested in my dying.”

“Oh, I am interested,” Natalia says, lightly. “But I think you didn’t really want to talk about it. Not seriously, at least. The way you brought it up, when we first met, like it was just something funny or curious that happened to you... I figured you needed someone to match that tone, to help you to open up. And eventually...”

“...realize that it wasn’t nothing,” Buck finishes, ducking his head to hide his embarrassment. 

“Just because you’re still here, Buck, it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. To you... to the people who love you.”

For the first time, Buck’s head actually thinks about his family seeing him die. He thinks about how Eddie’s shooting wrecked him, and finally understands that perhaps that’s why they’ve been acting weird since he came back, like he could break any second, like they are waiting for him to catch up on what happened. Buck, you died. Buck, you died. You died, Buck. 

“I know it happened. I just... I want it to mean something.”

“It already does. It can mean whatever you want it to.”

Buck takes in a shaky breath and lets it out slowly, meeting her eyes again. 

“Death isn’t about life ending, Buck, it’s about the journey before. And, for you, there’s still a whole journey ahead... and behind. You can’t shake off your past like you’re changing skin, you wouldn’t learn anything that way. This is a second chance at your life, not some other imagined one. A lot of people who go through similar situations, who die and come back, want to burn it all to the ground, be someone new... but that’s just another way of running away.” 

“Or go to Italy,” Buck huffs, amused, and for the first time in this entire conversation Natalia looks confused. He just shakes his head. “I guess I’ve just been... I’ve been trying to use this to find my way, but instead I’ve been so lost.”

“Maybe you’re looking in the wrong places,” she says, with a sweet smile, and he knows she means herself. 

“Yeah, maybe. But I don’t know where else to look.”

“I can’t help you with that,” Natalia says, as she gestures for the check. “But in my experience, life and death aren’t so different in that they can catch you in the most unexpected places. Sometimes... right under your nose.”

“Wouldn’t that be funny?” Eddie’s never going to let him live this down when he tells him. “Uh... I feel like I should be paying for the session, or sessions, you know?”

“You can just pay for my coffee,” she laughs. “And maybe one of those chocolate muffins to go.”

Buck laughs, and hopes that Natalia keeps in touch because, even if clearly they haven’t been dating, he kinda likes her. She’d be a good friend to have around. 

“So... if I have any more questions... about death?” He says, watching her pick up her purse and straighten her dress. 

“You can always call me, Buck, but I think you already have all the answers you’re looking for. You just gotta let yourself see them.”

And with that, she gives his shoulder a quick squeeze as she passes by and walks away. Buck sighs, and finds himself smiling. 

As he walks out of the cafe, he pulls out his phone and shoots Eddie a quick text: Man do I have a story to tell you. Wanna grab a beer?

Eddie’s reply comes quickly: Always. My place or yours?

Yours. Buck writes back, hopping into the jeep. 

[thegeminisage]

ok! it's time for a ds9 update. last night we squeezed in "move along home" and "the nagus."

move along home (ds9):

i am Informed this is a divisive episode but honestly i had fun w it!!

nice 2 see jake always. every time jake is on screen w his dad sisko my best friend sisko get to exude good dad energy. love that.

like. please. he's gonna give jake the talk? at 14??? 14 is too late. he knows everything. also lmao the fact that nog there ferengi where women don't wear clothes told him everything. i'm choosing to ignore my annoyance with ferengis as a whole and find that funny because of sisko's reaction

reasonably funny antics between quark and odo here. i am getting a little tired of odo not getting anything to do besides flirt with quark, but then i have to remind myself that odo had an episode all to himself quite literally six episodes ago, it's just our insane watch order + bad batch and natla coming out that makes it feel longer to me

quark like screaming on his knees begging not to have to put someone to death when nbody was gonna die anyway was actually really funny, but i do like the nuance in his kneejerk reaction when he found out the pieces were people, which was to forsake pride and ask odo to play for him. he could have gotten defensive for the bit, which he did do later, but his first reaction was to be scared which is like completely normal and went a long way towards humanizing him in an otherwise VERY silly episode

my favorite moment of this episode, besides the part where they hotboxed the shap, was when those little balls of light were coming towards them and sisko was like FIND COVER and julian bashir, instead of finding cover, stood directly aainst the wall they were aiming at, ass first. and then died. i want that twink obliterated.png

the nagus (ds9):

thank you to whomstever warned me about this episode

it was not good and it did suck bad. i think this was the first real dud ds9 gave us (i'm not counting the q one cuz that was basically a tng episode in disguise). i feel like it would be sooo easy to walk back some of the really awful elements of the ferengi but instead of doing that we have chosen to crank them up to 11. sexism, antisemitism, etc etc...

my other problem is that. and before anyone gets mad i have a touch of faceblindness. I CANNOT TELL THOSE FERENGI APART. they gave two of the ferengi the same nose and i was totally lost trying to follow the plot.

quark holding the idiot ball. he's dumb in his own way because everyone on that space station is using their last brain cell but he's also very shrewd. so it just felt off. and again odo had nothing to do except flirt with him but that's a me problem

BUGS FOR DINNER. i hated this episode in more ways than one

THAT SAID. we finally got to see o'brien again! and shockingly i really really really really liked the b plot

i did go blind with rage when nog got pulled out of school. yes. but the rest of it.

first of all it's really funny that jake is running around with nog all the time and their families are both going DON'T!!! and sisko is like Oh No My Son Has Discovered Girls when there is every evidence he is even now discovering boys

SECONDLY sisko reminding o'brien that one day his adorable little three year old will be 14 and the light leaving o'brien's eyes

but my favorite part is that jake wasn't being late to curfew because he's a bad kid or falling under a bad influence. he's a GOOD kid doing an AWESOME thing. idk, it was really sweet that like, even when sisko was like "yeah racism's bad but with ferengi it's different" jake was like "is it? :/" and then went right on teaching his buddy how to read. and now he's earned dad's permission to hang out with nog finally. it was a fun little subplot that i didn't realize was going anywhere and then it did. a very pleasant surprise and kept the episode from being a complete drag.

also, dax coming it and daintily sampling sisko's soup or whatever, then deftly getting rid of sisko so she could help herself to a giant heap lmao. queen

anyway, even though that's definitely been the worst ds9 ep so far, it wasn't NEARLY as bad as some of tng's duds. i'm thinking specifically of "code of honor," "violations," etc. like it could have been so much worse. i'm not going to delude myself into thinking we're past all the clunkers just yet, but i was still expecting a solid hour of agony and what i got was not that. not good by any means but not tng. whew!

TONIGHT: "starship mine" and "lessons" from tng. thots and prayers🙏

[racfoam]

Hello👋 new reader here I just want to say I’m loving not you not now could I ask tho is it a series or dose it just start from the graveyard ?? Keep up the good work thanks again

Hello, anon! Welcome to the train! I'm happy to hear you're enjoying it!

Okay, so, I was inspired to write not you, not now by reading she walks in beauty series by @mayfriend which is THE Tomarrymort Soulmate fic with Female Harry. It's one of the sacred texts.

she walks in beauty has three fics, covering Year 1 to Year 3. Please go read them and please leave some comments on them and give the author some love, because without their fic, nynn wouldn't exist!

I will link everything below+ summaries.

she walks in beauty series by @mayfriend

Liar! is still the first thing Harry Potter ever says to Lord Voldemort. Quirrell doesn’t know the words, had never met his master with a body and a scribbled-on wrist, but the thing on the back of his head starts, hesitates. Her wrist, he hisses to Quirrell, before he can stop himself, check her wrist. Quirrell flicks his wand at Harry’s tied up body, and her right sleeve rises. Her ribbon flutters to the ground. Even Quirrell understands, then. Master, he says, the stutter now long forgotten, Master it says… it says... Show me! Obedient, and terrified, Quirrell turns and the terrible, snake-like face looks down on Harry with those red, red eyes. She scrabbles for her sleeve, a task harder said than done when your arms are trapped at your sides, and she isn’t quick enough. Avada Kedavra, Voldemort reads in his own flawless script, and fury rises in him along with understanding.

best of dark and bright by @mayfriend

What have we here, a voice crows from somewhere inside her mind, hmmm, difficult, very difficult… brave, but you would have to be wouldn’t you? Not a bad mind, and talent - oh my goodness, yes, such talent. And you want to prove yourself, don’t you? Have a hunger for it… to prove you’re more than a soulmate… but where to put you… Not Slytherin, Harry thinks as clearly as she can, not Slytherin, not Slytherin… Oh my dear girl, the hat mutters, are you sure? You could be great, you know, and Slytherin could help you on the way to greatness, it’s all here in your head… I want nothing to do with him, she concentrates so hard that she thinks she might give herself a headache, I don’t want his words, I don’t want his mark, I don’t want to be in his house- Understood, the hat grumbles, well, if you’re so against Slytherin, then it had better be- “-GRYFFINDOR!”

A soulmate AU where Harriet Potter thinks she has enough problems in her first year at Hogwarts without her soulmate being the man who killed her parents, thank you very much, but she doesn't get a vote.

best of dark and bright by @mayfriend

Harry’s dreams that night were frenzied, disjointed, terrifying. There was blood on the walls, blood on her hands, an animal lying prone at her feet. She was laughing. She was laughing, high and cruel. A flash of green light. A scream. Blood on the floor, not water. Blood going up her arms, as if she’s stuck her arms deep in a bath of it, and a voice - the voice in the walls - I smell blood, it chorused in a thousand languages, I smell BLOOD! She tried to run away, but only seemed to get closer to the crime scene with every turn. Moaning Myrtle was a girl, a real girl, but then she was on the floor, glassy eyed and empty, and always afraid, always hiding. I will return for you, Harriet Potter… promised the monster, and Harry believed him. Second year of my Soulmate AU, wherein Harriet Potter's hopes for a nice, quiet year are thwarted by a singularly determined house elf, two bickering best friends, and a strange boy in a fifty year old diary.

shade the more, ray the less by @mayfriend

Harry stepped to the front of the queue. She gritted her teeth as the sand morphed and transformed. She couldn’t think of what shape the boggart would take, but when it stopped, she suddenly realised that there was no other shape it could have been. Tom Riddle stood before her, scarlet eyed, still in his Slytherin uniform with his prefect badge. In his hand was a small, black book that Harry knew by sight. “Harriet Potter,” he said her name clearly, and he smiled, but his eyes were cold and dead. Harriet Potter had almost allowed herself to be optimistic about her third year at Hogwarts. Almost. But then, she remembered her track record, and right on schedule, she learns an escaped convict is hunting her down, and that soulmates are not as cut and dry a business as she once thought.

There you go, anon!

I think you need to read she walks in beauty to understand not you, not now better because as I said, it's inspired by she walks in beauty and I treat it as my love letter to that series and it references events in she walks in beauty. In fact, the title of "not you, not now" came to me when I was thinking of how she walks in beauty Harry would react to the graveyard. The "not you, not now" is exactly Harry's thought process in the graveyard, and it spans throughout nynn, following the theme how Harry is not ready to meet Voldemort, little less be with him as a soulmate. He is the "you" in the fic's title, title given by Harry.

It was supposed to be a graveyard one-shot but then I shot myself in the foot and wrote more.... And more.... And more... And more...

And here we are, 2 years later, on Chapter 46 😅

Hope you enjoy the read! ❤️

[loveroftoomanyfandoms]

Angel of God, My Guardian Dear Chapter 13: Matt

Rating: Explicit (18+, MINORS DNI)

Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Reader

Story Summary: While speaking at a local school for visually impaired youth, Matt runs into his childhood best friend, with whom he lost touch almost 20 years prior.

Warnings/Tags: Starts out sweet 🍭 but then gets SPICY🌶️, rough sex, p in v sex, tiniest bit of possessiveness from Matt (but like, in a sexy way, not a controlling way)

Word Count: 4k

A/N: I absolutely loved writing this chapter (especially the first half) and I hope you all like it too! 🥰

Matt awoke early the next morning to the smell of freshly-brewed coffee.

He could tell by the sound of the carefully quiet footsteps in the kitchen that Ms. Y/L/N was up and about, so he pressed a soft kiss to Y/N's forehead then carefully extracted himself from her embrace before returning to his bedroom to get ready for the day. 

Once he was dressed, he listened to make sure Y/N was still peacefully slumbering before making his way into the dining room. "Good morning."

"Good morning, Matt," Ms. Y/L/N replied from the kitchen. "Would you like some coffee?"

Matt nodded. "Yes, please."

"Have a seat and I'll bring it to you. Cream or sugar?"

"No, thanks."

He sat as Ms. Y/L/N poured a cup of coffee. "How did you enjoy the beach yesterday?" she asked.

"It was nice." Matt smiled. "We managed to find a pretty private spot to relax and eat, and afterwards Y/N read aloud to me for a while before we took a walk along the shore, then on the way back here she took me to this seafood restaurant where we had coconut martinis and something called 'conch'."

Ms. Y/L/N let out a light laugh. "Ah, so Y/N did take you to the Fish House. I figured she would. Was Hugh your waiter?"

Matt nodded with a grin. "Actually, yes, Y/N specifically requested him. He said to tell you hello, by the way."

Ms. Y/L/N sighed wistfully. "Such a lovely man, always takes such good care of us when we go. So how'd you like the conch fritters?" 

Matt chuckled. "I wasn't too sure about trying them at first, but Y/N assured me that I'd like it, and it really was actually very good. I definitely wouldn't mind going back to Islamorada with Y/N again when it's not quite as busy."

"Spring and fall are good times to go, especially if you don't plan on actually getting in the water." Ms. Y/L/N set Matt's coffee down and took a seat adjacent to him. "Here you go, dear."

"Thank you." Matt picked his cup up and took a sip. "And thank you for your hospitality this weekend. I've enjoyed my visit."

"You're more than welcome. It's truly been a delight getting to know you, especially after hearing so much about you from Y/N over the years." Ms. Y/L/N took a deep breath. "And speaking of that, Matthew, I've been wanting to apologize to you for my involvement in separating you and Y/N back when you were teenagers. I had apparently been… shall we say… misinformed by Sister Bernadette about you and the nature of your relationship with Y/N at the time and did what I thought was best based on the information I had been given, and for that I am truly very sorry."

Matt shook his head. "I'm sure you hadn't been completely misinformed, at least not about me, anyway, although I'm sure what you'd been told had probably been at least somewhat exaggerated. As for my relationship with Y/N, though, I promise you that it really was strictly platonic at the time, despite what Sister Bernadette may have assumed was going on between us."

He huffed out a laugh. "Make no mistake, I was completely head-over-heels in love with Y/N even way back then, but I thought that I didn't deserve someone as amazing and special as she is, so I kept my feelings hidden."

"She is quite special, isn't she?" Matt could hear the fond smile in Ms. Y/L/N's voice. "But from what I gather, Matthew, so are you . You've definitely helped shape Y/N into who she is as a person, and for that I must thank you."

Matt smiled softly and nodded. "She's definitely helped shape me into who I am as well."

He paused. "Did she ever tell you what my nickname for her was when we were growing up?"

Ms. Y/L/N hummed in thought. "No, I don't believe she did."

"It was 'Angel'. When I first arrived at St. Agnes I was so nervous and so scared, but then Y/N came up to me and offered to be my friend, no questions asked. She was so kind and so gentle that I thought for sure that she must have been my guardian angel sent from Heaven to watch over me." Matt chuckled. "Honestly, sometimes I still think she is. Since the moment I met her Y/N has been the kindest and most beautiful, selfless, caring, patient, loving, and nurturing person I know, and I thank God every single day for returning her to me. When she left it felt like a piece of my soul had left as well, and the day I got her back I became whole again."

Ms. Y/L/N huffed out a light laugh. "I suppose I don't need to ask what your intentions are with her then."

Matt shook his head with a small smile. He had originally planned to just clear the air with Ms. Y/L/N this trip and broach the subject of marriage at a later date, but given the way the conversation was heading he figured he might as well just go ahead and lay all his cards on the table now. "I would think they'd probably be quite obvious, but just in case they're not..." 

He paused and took a deep breath. "I know Y/N and I just recently reconnected and haven't been dating all that long, but I have loved her since I was 9 years old and known that I wanted to spend my life with her for almost as long, which is why I want to ask you for your blessing to marry her."

Ms. Y/L/N was silent for a moment. "Did you know that Y/N was engaged once before?"

Matt nodded, his heart thrumming nervously in his chest. "Yes, ma'am. She told me."

"Alex was a nice young man, but I could always tell that Y/N was never truly in love with him." Ms. Y/L/N sighed. "I really hate to admit it because I know it sounds awful, but I was relieved when she broke off the engagement. The last thing I wanted was for her to marry someone to whom her heart didn't belong."

She reached over and gave Matt's hand a squeeze. "Y/N's heart has always been yours , Matt, and from seeing the two of you together this weekend I can tell that she's always had your heart as well. So, I happily and wholeheartedly give you my blessing."

Matt sighed in relief, unable to help the huge smile that spread across his face. "Thank you, Ms. Y/L/N."

Ms. Y/L/N patted Matt on the arm. "Oh and by the way, you can call me Aunt Ruth, you know. After all, you should've been my nephew-in-law years ago."

Matt chuckled, then gave a slight nod. "Okay then. Thank you, Aunt Ruth."

Aunt Ruth took a sip of her coffee. "Now, I assume you'll be proposing soon, correct? I wouldn't imagine that you would want to lose any more time with Y/N than you already have."

Matt nodded, relieved that she had given him her blessing so readily. "Yes ma'am, probably in the next couple of months. I just need to find the perfect ring first."

"Well if I can help in any way, let me know."

"Okay, I will."

Aunt Ruth stood. "More coffee?"

Matt shook his head. "I'm good for now. Maybe in a minute."

Aunt Ruth walked over to the kitchen area. "Breakfast, then. I'm sure Y/N will be up soon."

As if on cue, Matt heard Y/N's door open.

He turned towards the doorway with a grin as Y/N walked into the dining room. "Morning, angel."

Y/N wrapped her arms around his shoulders and gave him a kiss. "Mmm. Good morning, yourself."

She walked over to Aunt Ruth, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Morning, Aunt Ruth."

"Good morning, dear," Aunt Ruth replied. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah, I slept great." 

Matt couldn't help but smirk to himself as he took a sip of his coffee. While he admittedly felt a little guilty about sneaking into Y/N's room the previous night for a late-night romp, neither one of them would have gotten any sleep otherwise. (And as a bonus, he had wound up getting to fulfill several fantasies he had always had involving Y/N.)

Y/N poured herself a cup of coffee before sitting down next to Matt. "So what have you two been up to this morning?"

"Just talking about your trip to Islamorada yesterday and discussing breakfast options." Aunt Ruth moved towards the refrigerator. "What would you like?"

Y/N hummed thoughtfully. "Scrambled eggs?"

"Sure thing. Matt?"

"That's fine, thank you."

"Okay, coming right up."

"You know, Matt's a wonderful chef," Y/N said as Aunt Ruth grabbed the carton of eggs. "Everything he makes is amazing."

"Oh really?" Aunt Ruth replied. "Now why am I not surprised?"

Matt smiled. "You'll have to let me cook for you the next time you're in New York… Or maybe the next time Y/N and I come here for a visit."

Aunt Ruth gave a hum of affirmation. "That would be wonderful, Matt, thank you. And actually, that reminds me, we should probably start discussing plans for the holidays this year. Since there's a chance you two would be back here at the end of the year for Father DeMaria's retirement celebration anyway, I was thinking that I could come up to New York for Thanksgiving and you two come here for Christmas?" 

"Makes sense to me," Y/N said. "Will that work for you, sweetheart?"

Matt nodded. "Yeah, that should work just fine."

"Okay, then it's settled." Aunt Ruth poured the eggs into her electric skillet. "Y/N, maybe we can do some shopping while I'm in New York."

Y/N took a sip of her coffee. "Sure, that would be fun." 

Matt took Y/N's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Thanksgiving at your place or mine?"

"Mmm…" Y/N thought for a moment. "Well, your kitchen is bigger… so probably yours, if you don't mind?"

Matt shook his head. "Of course not, angel. Not at all."

He smiled to himself as he thought about spending future holidays together in New York, Y/N nervously checking on dinner every five minutes until Matt gently reminded her that if she kept opening the oven whatever she was cooking would never be done, then whisking her off to their bedroom to distract her while they waited.

Y/N pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Love you."

"Love you too."

Matt could feel Aunt Ruth watching them with a smile as she cooked their eggs. "So what time is your flight again?" she asked.

"11:30," Y/N replied, finishing her coffee and getting up, presumably to fix herself another cup. "Which reminds me, I need to finish packing."

Matt nodded. "Yeah, me too, actually."

Aunt Ruth hummed in confirmation as she plated their eggs. "Okay, just let me know when you're ready to head to the airport."

"Okay, we will."

Y/N and Aunt Ruth walked back over to the table, Y/N setting Matt's plate in front of him. "Here you go, sweetheart."

Matt gave her another kiss. "Thanks, angel."

They quickly ate, then Matt and Y/N went to go finish packing.

Matt had just finished folding his garment bag into his suitcase when Y/N appeared in his doorway. "All set?" she asked, stepping inside the room.

Matt nodded as he zipped his suitcase closed. "Yeah, I think so. Hopefully I haven't forgotten anything important. I'd hate to have to wait almost 3 months to get it back."

"Want me to double-check?"

Matt nodded. "Yeah, if you don't mind."

He waited as Y/N gave his room a quick once-over. "Nope, I think you have everything."

Matt wrapped his arms around her. "Thank you for checking."

"No problem, sweetheart." Y/N gave him a kiss. "Here, let's strip your bed so we can help Aunt Ruth get a head start on washing our sheets and pillowcases and stuff."

Matt nodded. "Okay."

They quickly stripped the bed and brought the covers to the laundry room, where Y/N put them to wash along with her own.

Y/N checked the time as they walked back into the kitchen, where Aunt Ruth was loading her dishwasher. "I think we should probably go ahead and head to the airport now since lots of people will be traveling today and traffic might be heavy."

"Okay," Aunt Ruth replied. "Give me one second to grab my purse and we'll head out."

Matt and Y/N gathered their belongings and loaded them into Aunt Ruth's trunk while she grabbed her purse.

The drive was filled with pleasant conversation about their upcoming holiday plans, with Matt promising to introduce Aunt Ruth to Foggy and Karen when she came to visit for Thanksgiving.

"By the way, it's been wonderful being here," he said as they neared the airport. "Thank you again for everything this weekend, Aunt Ruth. I really appreciate it."

Matt could feel Y/N looking at him curiously. "Yeah, Aunt Ruth, " she said, the slight emphasis on Aunt Ruth only detectable to Matt's ears. "Thanks."

"Oh, you're both more than welcome," Aunt Ruth replied as she pulled into the Departures' drop-off lane. "It's been an absolute delight having you here, and I'm looking forward to having you both back over Christmas."

She parked and popped the trunk, then they all got out to unload Matt and Y/N's suitcases.

Y/N gave Aunt Ruth a hug. "Bye, Aunt Ruth."

"Bye, Y/N." Aunt Ruth turned and gave Matt a hug as well. "Bye, Matt. Love you both. Have a safe flight home, and Y/N, text me when you land."

"We love you too, and I will," Y/N replied, taking Matt's free hand in hers. "See you at Thanksgiving."

They waited until Aunt Ruth had driven off, then headed inside the airport.

"I'm glad to hear she's Aunt Ruth now," Y/N said with curiosity on top of genuine happiness in her voice after they got their luggage checked in and headed towards the security screening area.

Matt chuckled. "Uh, yeah, she and I actually didn't just talk about our trip to Islamorada this morning… She apologized for misjudging me and for her part in our forced separation and said that since I obviously planned to stick around for a while that I might as well call her 'Aunt Ruth'."

He smiled to himself. Of course, that hadn't been the whole conversation, but… well, he would tell Y/N the rest when the time came.

Y/N huffed out a laugh as they took their shoes off and emptied their pockets then headed through the metal detectors. "For 'a while', huh? And just how long is 'a while'?"

As long as we both shall live. Matt shrugged with a grin as he slipped his shoes back on and put his wallet and phone back in his pocket. "As long as you'll have me."

Y/N linked her fingers through his as they headed towards their gate. "Oh, so 'forever' then?"

Matt chuckled, his heart full of happiness. "Yeah, sounds good to me."

Y/N gave his hand a squeeze. "Good."

They made their way to their boarding gate and sat.

Matt could hear the gentle shift of fabric as Y/N crossed her legs, the memory of being buried between her thighs the previous night creeping into his mind and flooding his thoughts.

He could feel Y/N studying him. "You okay?" she asked. "You suddenly look a little flushed."

Matt pulled his phone out of his pocket and popped in an earbud, then typed out a message to Y/N. I can't stop thinking about how much I enjoyed last night, angel. Keep thinking about the way your body spoke to me. 

A few seconds later, his phone chimed in reply. I enjoyed it too, Matty. It's how I had always imagined our first time to be.

Matt let out a soft groan. Me too, angel, except I missed hearing that heavenly voice of yours letting me know how good I was making you feel. God, how I love to hear you, Y/N, love the way my name sounds on your lips when you come for me, be it on my mouth and fingers or on my cock. Can't wait to get you home so I can fuck those pretty moans out of you that I didn't get to hear last night. 

He smirked as Y/N sucked in a breath. Ohh, you can't wait either, can you angel? Can't wait to have my cock buried deep inside your needy little cunt, drawing out those beautiful sounds only I've ever been able to pull out of you? 

Y/N shifted in her seat, the sweet perfume of her arousal filling Matt's nose. You do realize we have a 3-hour flight ahead of us, right?

Matt grinned, feeling Y/N's eyes on him. Yes, but once I get you back to my apartment I'm going to have that beautiful voice of yours screaming out my name. 

The scent of Y/N's arousal grew stronger. Is that a threat, Murdock?

Matt shook his head. Oh no, my beautiful, sweet angel. That's a promise.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

They had barely gotten themselves and their suitcases inside and shut the door of Matt's apartment 4 hours later when Y/N whirled around on Matt, pressing her lips to his as she pushed him against the wall.

Matt grinned against her lips as he took his glasses off and tossed them onto his end table. "Someone's impatient." 

Y/N tugged Matt's shirt out of his jeans and pulled it over his head. "Well I wouldn't be if you wouldn't have worked me up the whole fucking flight home, Matthew."

Matt groaned as she ran her hands across his chest and down his stomach to the waistband of his pants. "Can't help that I love to touch you, angel."

Y/N unbuckled his belt and pulled it loose before tossing it away. "Yeah, well, get to touching then."

Matt chuckled. "Yes, ma'am."

He spun them around, quickly placing a hand behind Y/N's head so she wouldn't bump it against the wall.

Y/N gasped in a breath, her already-rapid pulse quickening even more.

Ah, so that's how she wants it. Matt had originally planned on taking his time with Y/N and teasing her into an incoherent mess before taking her apart, but Y/N's brief attempt at taking charge put Matt in the mood to give her exactly what she wanted.

(Didn't mean he wasn't going to tease her a bit first, though.)

He nosed her neck. "God, you smell amazing, angel. Been driving me crazy, wanted to drag you off to go fuck you in the bathroom on the plane. Guess I'll just have to fuck you right here instead."

He unbuttoned her shorts and slid his hand inside, cupping her mound over her underwear and groaning at the damp patch he felt. "Jesus, angel, you're practically dripping for me."

Y/N let out a moan. "Yes, Matty, all for you, baby. Need you in me."

Matt smirked as he pulled his hand out of Y/N's shorts then tugged her shorts and underwear down. 

He slid two fingers into her. "Mmm, is this what you want, sweet girl? Or do you want my cock deep inside you, filling you up with my cum?"

Y/N gasped. "Want your cock, Matthew, please."

The combination of his given name and the outright plea coming from Y/N's lips broke the final strand of Matt's resolve. He withdrew his fingers, bringing them to his mouth to taste Y/N's nectar.

He groaned in pleasure. "Fuck, you taste so good, Y/N. Gonna get my mouth on you properly later."

He pulled her shirt up and off of her then pulled her bra down, kissing and nipping his way down to her breasts as Y/N frantically unbuttoned Matt's pants and shoved them down, freeing his hard cock.

Matt slipped his hands around her thighs. "Hold on."

He picked her up and pressed her against the wall, Y/N wrapping her arms around his neck for support.

Matt lined himself up with her core, using her wetness to coat himself before barely pressing inside and holding himself there.

Y/N whimpered. "Matt, stop teasing."

Matt growled deep in his chest. "Mmm, so needy, angel. Come on, pretty girl, beg for me."

He could feel Y/N's channel tighten right above where he was nestled in her.  "Please Matthew," she pleaded. "Need you to fuck me, want to feel you stretching me out with your co -- ohmyfuckingGodyes ."

Matt buried himself to the hilt in one smooth motion, biting his lip as he resisted the urge to come on the spot like a prepubescent teenager. "Gonna stuff you full, my sweet angel, make you forget everything but my name and how good my cock feels inside you."

Y/N moaned. "God, yes. Fucking wreck me, Matthew."

Matt slid out, leaving just his tip inside Y/N before plunging back into her, setting a quick, rough pace. "Shit, such a perfect little cunt. And it's mine, isn't it, Y/N?"

Y/N sucked in a sharp breath. "Yes, yes, yours, Matt, fuck, I'm all yours, every part of me. I've always been yours."

Matt groaned. "I'm yours too, angel, God , I love you so much. You're it for me, Y/N, always have been."

"Love you, Matty, want to spend forever with you, want to --" Y/N cut herself off with a gasp. 

Matt could feel the edges of his orgasm quickly approaching. "Shit, fuck , I'm -- I'm not gonna last, angel."

"Me either, Matty. I'm so close, need you to come inside me, please."

Matt tightened his hold on her and began to thrust even harder, his cock reaching that perfect spot inside Y/N that he knew would have her coming around him in less than a minute.

Y/N cried out in pleasure, digging her nails into Matt's shoulders. "God, yes -- right there, Matt, feels so fucking good, don't stop, sweetheart, please."

Matt adjusted his hold and began to circle her clit with his thumb. "Want you to come with me, angel, want to feel that sweet little cunt of yours milking my cock, taking all of my cum deep inside you."

He could feel Y/N's walls begin to tighten around his cock. "That's it, angel, let go for me. I'm right there too, beautiful, gonna fill you up, give you what you need."

Y/N hissed in a breath. "Yes, oh my God, Matt, please, yes, yes, yes, yes, Matt --" 

Matt slammed into Y/N one last time, emptying himself deep inside her as she came around him.

Y/N shivered and buried her face in Matt's neck. "God, I love you," she panted.

"Mmm, I love you too," Matt murmured, carefully pulling out of her. 

He gingerly set her down, making sure she wasn't going to fall before letting her go. "You okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Y/N gave him a kiss. "No, I'm okay."

"Okay, good." Matt grinned. "That was pretty unexpected, but fun."

Y/N laughed. "Yeah."

Matt pulled his boxers and pants back up. "So, how about we get your laundry going, then shower and eat?"

Y/N hummed happily. "Mmhmm. Oh, and we need to make a grocery list for you." 

"Okay." Matt found his shirt and held it out to her. "Want to wear this until we shower? I can give you something clean to wear afterwards since your clothes won't be done for a while."

Y/N took it from him. "Yeah, thanks, sweetheart."

She gave him another kiss. "Oh, and just for future reference, the next time you decide to tease me like that on an airplane I'm dragging you off to go join the mile-high club."

Matt grinned, already planning to rile her up on their flight to Florida for Christmas. "Deal."

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

ooh youd never watched mh before? like not the og series either? i also really like the new show!

Never! Think might have heard about the toys once, a few years back? A bit isolated out here heheh, and the internet speed is... well

BUT YEAH THE NEW SHOW! Gen 3? THAT ONE!!!!

okay so far i've only seen what's free on youtube and The Monstering and that's enough to tell me something Very Important about this show. Well. A few Very Important Things

1.) HALLOWEEN SCHOOL THATS SPOOKY YES YES YES

when was a kid (one million years ago) i was Obsessed with the idea of Halloween Town and loved imagining all these stories about my version of it

(accessed via a well, for some reason)

imagined being a pumpkin headed scarecrow (legit my first self insert OC, before I know those terms) and hanging out with MY ghoul friends (werewolf, vampire, skeleton, ghost, the usual)

drew fanart for it and daydreamed about it all year long...

my neighbor, the kid i played most with bc neither of us had anyone else, liked playing animal uprising in barbie town and wasn't so keen on the spooks, so my desire for a funky creepy friend group VESTERED. like worms. or maybe maggots

AND NOw

MONTER HIGH?????

There've been other shows or movies that TRY to do this, but they either go too dark for me, or the spook stuff is so surface level it's like halloween decorations

MONSTER HIGH IS JUST- PERFECT

soft core body horror via Frankie! Oh hey Cleo has bugs crawling under her wrappings! The teens are eating EYES and BRAINS and sloppy joes made from TOES?

COMMITED TO THE SPOOK

The students are ACTUAL spooks! Draculaura can turn into a bat! She's got NO reflection! Frankie keeps falling apart- Literally! Ghost students!

Creative use of the spook! Here's an eyeball to record your class project on!

it's VIBES

the vibes are EVERYWHERE

I LOVE BAD PUNS AND THIS IS FULL OF THEM EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME

2.) This show feels safe. Comfortable. Cozy.

Meet Frankie. They use they/them pronouns

THAT JUST HAPPENS SO CASUALLY IT JUST HAPPENS SO EASILY AND WE ALL MOVE ON LIKE ITS NORMAL TO SEE THAT IN A SHOW

Clawdeeeeeen and the school...

the students go from AHH A HUMAN!! to sneaking around trying to eves drop on Clawdeen and the headmistress and now they don't look scared they look curious, they're interested in this human talking about her love of monster stories and how she doesn't fit in with humans and just wants to stay here with them- it's sweet. It's so sweet.

Even before she turn out to be part werewolf, the feeling is, the students like her. They'd be happy to have her stay. There's a connection here even WITHOUT being a monster

like Draculaura and Frankie and Duce want to help Clawdeen figure out what kind of monster she might be SO SHE CAN STAY. the framing is, turning out to be a monster would be the EXCUSE for her to be here, with friends. The ones she already has, now

my heart

dont touch me

I NEED A SOFT SHOW LIKE THIS. I NEED, JUST, HEY WE CAN BE KIND ON A GENERAL BASIS. THE WORLD CAN BE LIKE THIS

3.) the... the expectations of what a body should look like.... break them and be joyful

Clawdeen the werewolf girl is worried for a sec that she doesn't have ENOUGH armpit hair

for fun we get to see it growing THROUGH her SHIRT!

also i dont know why but it feels like this is one of the first times i've seen weregirls with leg and arm hair that has actual, noticeable, fur tufts. not just smooth with a fur coloring. this has Texture. these girls are HAIRY

and again it's just another thing, it's normal at monster high

hey i love it

Iris is on the fear squad

IRIS IS ON THE FEAR SQUAD

the monster who is fat and has one giant eyeball is on monster high's version of the cheerleading squad!

LAGOONA HAS ACTUAL NEEDLE SHAP TEETH

ALLLLLLLL. OF. FRANKIE.

metal leg? Clear and obvious scar stiches all over their body? yep! zero self image issues this monster is just out there grooving!

hey this merdude has a tail with no legs he uses a wheelchair no biggie

look

i have EXTREME dysphoria and no money to do anything about it

i want to go to monster high, too

it looks safe

last and most important of all....

4.) WRITING ! HEY! THE WRITING IS SHARP AND THE EDITING IS CRUNCHY

character voices. CHARACTER VOICES.

THEY HAVE THEM

a lowbar, you might think, and yet i've spent good money on media written for adults that DOES NOT HAVE THIS

i've watched maybe, four five eps? and already i can HEAAR the characters in my head! i can feel the TONE of the show! i can imagine my own little adventures for them bc it's easy to feel what they'd say or do!

I LOVE CHARACTER VOICES

you know what i hate? things that arn't set up! things that are forgotten!

eleven minutes and so far not ONCE has something happened that wasn't set up before hand

Oh everyone's out of the camera ghoul yay- wait. I don't see cleo in the pile. did they forget to animate her?

NOPE

She's still in the camera monster's pocket dimension!

SHE REFUSES TO LEAVE UNTIL IT FINALLY TAKES A GOOD PHOTO OF HER FOR THE FEAR BOOK!

as set up by her having trouble even buying coffee bc her id doesn't look like her, as set up by her new photo also getting ruined accidentally by Frankie, as set up by her getting caught by the monster when she came back to demand another photo!

the way the three bell chime "ding, ding, DOOOM" are used when Clawdeen is exchanging thumbs up with the wolf pack only to cut on the DOOOM to her going into the woods for the pack meeting against her instincts

nervous ding nervous ding BIG DOOOOOM OF THIS IS A BAD IDEA

brain candy

that's brain candy for me

i feel like a zombie media student

"gOoOoOd eDiTtInG....!" i moan, shambling towards the next episode with arms out stretched

there's so much of this tbh its always there

ok i have to stop this rant this is getting ridiculous

QUICK OTHER MENTIONS OF AWESOME

---- VOice acting! I'm sensitive to stiff acting and these ppl are haivng FUN i can FEEEEEEL it. Cleo and Spectra stand out for me. And Lagoona especially. i love Lagoona

---- DESIGN AND COLORS aye it's pretty! my eyes are having fun!

---- MUSIC AND SOUND DESIGN they are on point and make everything ten times better

----- WORLD BUILDING i don't need to explore it but it feels like there's a world and a history of monsters out there and that sells the whole school

----- THE FEELS so far Draculaura in the Food Fight ep hits the hardest. Girl giving a presentation against witch craft, while secretly practicing witch craft, to convince herself it's bad... needing confidence to cast spells correctly, only she loses hers... all of the wanting to be a witch, it makes her feel like her, and then- the realization that that MAKES her a witch. She already IS one. She wants to tell her dad but, just, can't. And her friends support her.... oh, that hit good

And also, of course, Frankie the nonbinary monster!

who isn't a split of guy and girl, or a multiple personality deal. They're just. Nonbinary. They don't need a reason or an explanation.

sure you could say, it's cause they're made up of parts from other people, but the show doesn't say that. Frankie calls those parts their "past" selves/lives. this is their life though and they are their own self. silly, sweet, emotional, curious Frankie Stein. who goes by they/them

as someone with zero gender, who can't introduce my self as they/them, that feels so good

this SHOW feels so good

cleo/frankie is really cute, very adorable, but i think im just bitten for the whole show now. i don't care what happens in particular just let me frolic gleefully in the childhood i wish id had :)

[fuckthisshitimin]

[ID: A poem.

How to stop feeling alone.

1. Call your mom. Tell her you’re sorry, lie if you have to; you have to listen to her breathe and ask what she’s eating tonight. Tell her you grew up too fast and she looks so small now, tell her she should be sorry (you probably don’t have to lie) and if she still won’t say your name out loud or if she never remembers what you remember or sounds like an automated pre-recorded voicemail occupied line out-of-space tune, I am sorry.

2. Meet your grandfather at a park. It’s spring. If you don’t have a grandfather and can’t use a Ouija board safely, meet your ex-boyfriend’s grandfather, or, your coworker’s grandfather, any grandfather that lives near the sea and has a painting of a sailing ship in his living room will do. Ask him to teach you about knots and learn every way his skin is thinner than yours; the veins blue all over like the ocean’s claimed him already, how soft and fragile the back of his hands, maps and rivers. Ask him about his dog, who died before you were born. Write a good speech for his funeral. Again, I’m sorry.

3. Cry on the bench you met with the grandfather that might or might not have been yours to cry. You don’t have pictures of him so you have to draw him. If you can’t draw, write him; write a thousand poems about grief and loneliness and old age and post them online because sad poetry’s definitely engaging, right? Hearts that bleed seawater in pixels like idiots and no one answering the call — listen to me. The only good place to cry in public is a women’s bathroom in a nightclub around 2AM.

4. Call your mom again. Leave a message pacing in your room, tell her everything, absolutely everything, that the poems didn’t work and that you hate that you were foolish enough to hope they would, that you miss her — that you miss everything she could have been for you. Just for you.

5. Ask your friends for help. Help is something you deeply need yet you don’t have the vocabulary to make your request intelligible, like a baby crying — something is terribly wrong and mama’s starting to feel the edges of a headache piercing her skull inch by inch. Maybe if you’d stuck with the poetry — Now why are you alone in the first place? Surely it wasn’t always like that. Surely there was a time you were so smothered with love you didn’t even know what loveless air tastes like on the back of your throat, so what happened? What did you do? The hands on your shoulders, did you run away from them? did you push them away? did you say something like “you wouldn’t get it” when you were thirteen and your sister was ten? Oh, angel. Did you ever apologize?

6. Okay. Bring an offering. Come up to your friend’s apartment with a cake, poorly decorated, in the elevator mirror make sure to arrange yourself so that your hair falls right, soft bangs hiding the desperation in your brows but not your eyes kiss their cheeks at the door: “hey how are you?” “I brought a cake!” you conveniently don’t have to answer the question and I am sorry to say you Fucked Up Big Time. Watch how they eat and feast on their smiles and praises, etch their indulgent chuckle at your terrible icing skills in your brain, it feels good, so good, and now every time you come up empty-handed you will miss that and why are they even letting you in when you didn’t bring anything to the table? You sip the tea their offer with guilt and everything tastes like ashes. You can’t burden them with that, of course, so you grow silent and coil around yourself and if they ask how you are you can’t even say you brought a cake.

I have a feeling this is not working. Are you sure you’re trying? Maybe you just weren’t meant to be loved. You sure don’t make it easy. Maybe you’re alone because you have to be.

7. Laugh. Now.

8. Write another poem. If you’re sad enough, maybe it will be good enough. Force your very soul into a mold of words and verses and relish in the agony that comes from being bent and squeezed and embraced at last by a sweater-shaped casket. This is you. People like it, and they are too late; now you want to be left alone and isn’t your pain what attracted them about you? Resent them, resent everything you make them stand for in your head, hate a single person like you hate every single person that came before them: your seventh-grade history teacher your first best friend Sigmund Freud your mom all of them in one fell sweep.

9. When you run out of hate, choose one single person to hate less than the rest of them make sure they know how special that makes them. Take every gram of love they can produce, and keep it be their teacher and make them unlearn love for everything that isn’t you or like you. When they are materially as alone as you feel and still smile at you hate them with all you have, because they have a reason; and you still don’t. You’ve been their dragon, who’s yours? Yourself? Me? I’ve been talking you through this because you asked me to, you could’ve just stopped reading, and what else do you have? Blame your mother because you hate Freud but you hate your mother more, also, Freud can’t watch you kill your father and ask “is this my fault?” Freud won’t cry when you look her in the eyes and say “yes.”

10. Buy a self-help book! They are more thorough than this, how to stop being the dragon in seven steps, how to kill a dragon, how to find a hibernating dragon and slaughter it in its sleep, how to convince your village that the man you slaughtered was a dragon, how to be a man. “Man” here is not a gender; it’s a status you achieve by hating enough people, hating the right people. The main two ingredients for “Man” are power and hatred. “power” is money “hatred” is fear with a sword. To be Man you must hate everything that is not Man — White is Man Strong is Man Rich is Man Hero is Man Spring is NOT Man Pills is NOT Man Help is NOT Man Scared is NOT Man To be Man the first thing to hate is yourself, but I think you’ve got that one covered.

11. Fuck the squires, Marry the princess, Kill the dragons. How did we get there? You’re way too old to believe in fairy tales and this metaphor is out of touch with everything around you. You’re not a hero, you’re not a dragon, you’re not a princess. You’re a baby and everyone knows it takes a village. Start over. Call your mom. Of course she’s not enough. Nobody is a village. Look.

12. Be weak and don’t die. Sorry for tossing you around like that. It’s that you remind me of me. Everybody in the world reminds me of me. I don’t have the cure for loneliness and there isn’t one because loneliness, like many pains, is just information. It’s a signal. There’s nothing you can achieve that will rid you of feeling alone. That’s other people’s job. I’m sorry but there’s no other way to do this, you gotta get okay with your own dependence on other people. You’ve never been alone a single day in your entire life. Read your poems to your friends. See them misunderstand. Try to explain, and understand this will never be enough; Realize they are not enough. Realize you are not enough. Realize no one should ask you to be.

13. Count aloud from one to ten. Nothing happens.

Signed, M. Mikhaïl, 01053023

End ID]

Okay it should say 2024. We're in 2024. I know that. Of course I know that.

[idolbound]

In terms of a role-reversal au, in which Meredith is a mage and the First Enchanter (and @magicbound​​‘s Orsino is the Knight-Commander), some things are the same, but it does alter her character and ultimate trajectory.

Meredith’s backstory is the same; her elder sister Amelia was a mage, and when the neighbours found out and reported them to the templars, she still fell victim to the demon in the Fade, and killed their parents and 70 other people. Meredith was still saved by Ser Wentworth Kell, and taken in as an orphan of the Chantry and Templar Order. 

However, a couple years later at the age of 8, despite her desire to become a Templar, she too began showing the signs of possessing magic, and was promptly placed in the Circle. She received a full education in how to control and use her magic - unlike Amelia - and eventually, later, passed her Harrowing without question, becoming a full member of the Circle of Magi in Kirkwall. She specializes in frost magic, and the irony of this is not lost on her.

Growing up under Chantry teachings, she truly believes that Mages need to be educated and trained properly to prevent harm to themselves and unto others, as well as being weary of what lies in the Fade. In her young years, she manages to gather a following of support for these beliefs, harboring resentment for apostates and those who try to flee the Circle as it gives Templars ammunition against them all.

She tells the story of her sister frequently, and most of her brethren know her background and why she believes the way she does; many young mages are vulnerable to demons and lack the fine tuned control of their magic. In some ways she cares, but in others, her heart remains like the ice she casts; cold and aloof. 

Eventually, Meredith rose through the ranks of the Circle, respected for the hard choice of following into strict routines and lesson plans, hoping to avoid further incidents among their ranks with the templars. Eventually, with her high charisma and proven leadership abilities, she became First Enchanter, setting her sights on continuing to protect those who respect the Circle’s hierarchy, while attempting to work with the Templars to keep the peace. Many a time her rules and attempts to solely control the Gallows results in arguments with Knight-Commander Orsino, becoming ugly and almost violent in nature, often times intervened by the Grand Cleric or the Knight-Captain. 

Her system of rules and laws favours education most, but holds rigid punitive measures for those who strike out against them. She is also aware of the injustices that templars bring upon them, and will advocate for those under her care, so long as they follow the rules. But, she does not play favourites, and does not really know many of the younger people taken in to the Circle; she is as cold and distant as the rules claim, but in this case, it is to avoid heartbreak and reliving her traumatic past.

She dresses primarily in Chantry coloured robes of navy, red, and gold, and her hair is usually braided back. Her staff is long and silver-coloured, with a white-crystal embedded at the top and fastened together with white leather.

All in all, Meredith still wants power for herself to be in total control of the Gallows and the mages within it, to protect themselves from one another and the abuses of templars. However, as things begin to get worse, after her only friend Elsa was made tranquil, her paranoia rears its ugly head and makes her believe that her mages are going to betray her, that becoming a maleficarum is like a disease, and she will lose control and support of the Gallows. 

In the end, after Anders explodes the Chantry and during the Rite of Annulment, despite her very inspirational speech to the mages, Meredith loses out to her inner demons, so to speak, and becomes a victim to the Fade, just like her sister, becoming an Abomination that Hawke and their companions must stop. In the end, however, her body becomes petrified in stone the shape of a screaming woman, left behind in a locked portion of the Gallows.

While the rumours could never be confirmed, some say First Enchanter Meredith Stannard partook in what would later be discovered as red lyrium. They are unsure of the reasons why, but some believe she was desperate to keep control of the Circle on her own terms, over the Templars and Knight-Commander. 

[gmanwhore]

Based on the discussion we had earlier:

Uzi -> Ball shapped, overall just very well distributed. Kind of insecure about her physical appereance and needs reasurance (Very thankful when she recieves it)

N -> Initially strong, but unhealthy and thin due to being too guilty to eat enough. Because healthier on and takes more of a tankier top heavy look. Sees his physical change as something positive.

V -> Very curvy, although a good amount of it recides on her tummy and below. Does not give a damn about her physical appereance usually but if express liking it she'll flaunt it and if you act insultingly she'll be hostile.

J -> Very small amount of pudge mostly located on her mid section. Hides it from both N and V because she is insecure about it.

Doll -> Skinny, probably doesn't take care of herself. Please someone feed this girl.

Cyn -> Baby fat, kind of cherub-looking. Doesn't have thoughts about it one way or another.

Tessa -> Skinny because her parents don't feel her propperly, pretty supportive of her friends. Wishes she could eat more.

REAL AS HELL

[oldsoulsoupbrain]

Before The Boat

A one shot inspired by the beautiful post by @laurenillustrated that you can find here!

I knew from the second I saw it what I wanted to write, so here it is! Hope you enjoy! 👑📖✏️

The sound of a mug being harshly placed onto the wooden desk before her startled her awake no sooner than the dreams had taken their hold.

"Miss Turner! What do you think you are doing in MY class?"

"My apologies Mrs. Crook. It won't happen again."

Her teachers sharp gaze stayed on her far longer than Paige would have liked. She knew for sure that she would get a stern talking to about this later, surly even before their first lunch break had taken hold. There were certainly downsides to having a teacher, your own, as rotten good, or in this case bad, friend of your mother.

Paige's mother was the principal, and as such many students would tease Paige for getting an easy pass through Elementary school, but things were not as magical and jolly as it seemed. Every wrong doing was brought to her mother. Every test was expected to be done above the learning level that teachers expected from others in fifth grade, not because Paige was exceptionally smart and clever, for she was not, but rather because every adult was hoping they could force her to be.

Just last week her very own teacher had told the class that they were to finish a small music work sheet before they could line up at the door. As Paige watched the clock go closer and closer to bell time she found it harder and harder to read the notes on the papers before her. She knew her mother would be furious she was not outside waiting for her, and she knew her mother would be even more upset upon learning what work she was struggling with. Paige was supposed to have mastered one instrument for every year of life and she was very very behind, for she had not yet mastered one and she would be turning 10 soon.

Paige looked up at the back of Mrs. Crook's head and wished for dreaming. No more late nights trying to get her reading done, no more staring at page after page wondering what letters and numbers were fit to go where.

On Halloween the other kids got to be whatever they wanted. Princess, zombie, even dolls, pirates, villains from books, and heros from TV.

Paige was dressed as an accountant. She didn't even know what that was until her French teacher informed her.

As class went on Paige started crafting ideas in her brain. What if the world ended right now and the only people left were her classmates? Paige did a quick count around the room to see how many boys and girls there were. Perfect! She was the odd one out! So while everyone else was off saving humanity Paige could run away! She could go and- and she missed what the teacher said.

Paige looked down at her notebook of incomplete notes. Her gaze shifted to her pencil erasers that were shapped like a green witch and a bright blue cat. She started to play with them, hoping her teacher wouldn't notice.

She probably did.

When the teacher finally announced it was time for lunch Paige went with the other kids to grab their things from the small cubby hallway. When Paige turned the corner to return to her seat she saw what she already predicted. Her teacher on the phone, most likely to snitch on her to her mother.

Why was her mother so hard on her? Didn't she have people to watch over, a school to rule? Was she some sort of evil corrupt queen? Paige remembered when she was too small for school. Her mother was so happy with every letter she learned. When was the last time she made her mother happy now? No, her mother was not evil, only brain washed! By evil magic! That would explain everything! So what would that make Paige? A hero? A princess? Why not both! A hero princess! She had to go save her subjects from the wrath of their queen in this dungeon of a castle! She had to save them! Save her mother! Paige looked down at the wrapper for her granola bar, the one with the little boat logo. Maybe that's how she would do it. She would escape the castle on boat, going through the river from the moat! She smiled at the thought of her clever rhyme. Her mother would be proud! Or would she? Paige continued to eat her lunch thinking about what the rest of the day might be like.

How sad was it that Monday was her favorite day of the week, since that was the only time she could see her "friends"? Friday meant a whole weekend at home with her mom, or doing lessons, or errands. Mrs. Crook assigned homework every day and Paige couldn't remember the last time she got to play. When the bell signaled for everyone to go outside to play Paige grabbed her coat and went off to change her shoes with everyone else.

Outside was no fun anymore. Nobody wanted to play with her. She didn't want to read. She was tired of reading. Books were meant to be fun! But everything she has to read sucks!

At the end of the day Paige was taken home and sent to her room to do school work. Her mother hadn't mentioned her falling asleep yet and that worried Paige. At dinner her mom only asked if she had completed her school work. When Paige said no she was expecting to be yelled at. Instead her mother only nodded and said they could go to the library.

"But, I'm not done any of the readings for school."

"And your personal collection?"

"I read them all, except for the ones that are too big."

Instead of telling her to try the books above her reading level her mother only nodded and said "So, let's go find you a new book to read. Maybe we can rent a movie to watch too."

Paige didn't understand why her mother was being so nice, but she accepted anyways.

The library always smelt delicious. Paige once did a craft here where she turned a toilet paper role into hero princess wrist bands! The librarian was trying to do Egyptian accessories but excitement got the best of Paige. Watching her mother head to the children's section Paige followed. Now for the usual routine. Her mother would sit with Paige as she picked out books and they would narrow them down together, then after she had her list for the next week they would go to the adult section. Her mom would scan all the shelves and Paige would read something she picked out. Then they would check out the DVD wall, see the librarian, and go home. They always did the same thing, especially in the summer.

Unfortunately Paige was too tired to read while her mother looked around. The books in front of her looked awfully interesting, there were also leftover arts and crafts for her to play with, but nothing real seemed more captivating than the entire world inside her mind. Staring at a blank wall sometimes could lead to better stories than the entire library around her, or so she thought to herself in secret. Unless there was a mind reader around! Paige saw her mother turn down an isle and out of view. Hopefully not. She wouldn't want anyone knowing the sorts of things she thinks about them.

She moved her coat under her head to act as a makeshift pillow but kept her head up, looking around. There was always so much art on the walls here. She looked to her right and saw the computer section. She had never gone on these ones since her mother had a computer at home in the living room, right in front of where she liked to sit and read. The soft typing of the chunky old white turned yellow keys sounded almost like waves.

The waves that would carry her boat to safety. To adventure and excitement! To rescuing her mother from the evil witch!

With that, the press of the keys and flipping of pages transported Paige straight into another world. A new world where she was the hero.

[dear3st-dead-diary]

Dearest Dead Diary

My dad got in a car accident, he was hit by someone on purpose, he's fine or so he says but he has yet to see a doctor. I hipe ge doesn't have a concussion and... dies.

I'm on day three of Vyvanse And Dolox. It's very effective, in w days I've cleaned my house from top to bottom and built a makeshift desk for my laptop out of left over materials from other shelves I've assembled. I just hope the new setup doesn't kill my creativity.

The first day was fun, I cleaned the bathroom and did the dishes then I went to the mall where my friend with disposable income paid for everything.

Day two was also fun, I did my laundry, cleaned my room and put away all my clothes. My friend came over and and I did her makeup and shapped her eyebrows (she's really pretty) and then we went to a sex shop that was hidden inside of a building through an elaborate set of halls and stairs.

I got some damn good stuff from there for some very good prices I also wore a killer outfit and got many compliments. The guy who runs the place has the sort of beauty to him I can't explain.

He's from a generation of queers I could only imagine the hardships he's faced, but he wears them all with pride and it shows. I hope he gets more business, he's got Hella good stock.

We came back to my place, and I dyed her hair, we cuddled for a few hours before she left around 3 am.

Today, on the third day, I finished the rest of my cleaning, and then got the news about my dad.

Today sucks. Tomorrow I atleast get to go to a house party. I don't think I'll be drinking, I wanna wait more to see how these meds affect me before I try to consume any alcohol. Cannabis om the other hand actually balances out some of the side effects. Weirdly enough, though I haven't smoked alot yet, so I guess tomorrow we'll see how that happens and what happens if I take a dab or something.

Last time I was at this party I had a seizure on the stairs and broke my foot, it's been 3 weeks and it's taking forever to heal.

I was manic but for once, I finally feel like I'm thinking clear, thinking freely, like I can rationalize. That's something I haven't consciously been able to do before. At least not to this extent.

So I'm making the conscious decision to not drink. The last time I drank on antidepressants I got alcohol poisoning, I made the mistake of drinking the amount I normally would have had I not been medicated and.. well that ended horribly.

So it takes me 12 cans to feel drunk, but now that I'm medicated it should only take three, Hopefully. Seriously I'd save so much money if I didn't need so much liquor to feel intoxicated.

But regardless, I'm being responsible. Another side effect is dry mouth and loss of appetite. Which kind of sucks in the sense that I was working uo to building more muscle, but if I end up loosing weight in the process... I don't know how to feel.

I was dangerously skinny due to stress last year and I lost alot of strength, however I looked so good. So obviously I should strive to gain and not lose, but I can't shake the feeling of knowing at that weight no matter the size of clothes I'd always fit.

I purposely gained 20 because I wanted to start building back up a lot of the muscle mass I lost. Maybe there's some way I can find the middle ground of being slim yet lean?

I'm not sure.

I'm going to try and find something healthy to feed myself. Hopefully tomorrow goes great, and if I'm lucky I'll even end up closer to my friends, more romantic or platonic, either of which is fine. I'm the rare type that actually loves people.

My best skill is talking anyone into opening up, I treasure that skill, I've had some of the loveliest conversations with the shyest of people. I've made a lot of friends that way. And oddly enough alotta enemies? But those are people projecting thier own insecurities or past experiences on me.

I've noticed the people who don't like me are the people I've said "NO" to. Frankly that's probably for the best.

I've worked hard on these relationships. I value every one of them, I really put in as much work as I can towards my friends, it's definitely paid off as we've grown closer over the past year. I'm glad, I hope we keep growing and even growing together, making eachothers lives better.

But enough with the sap. I've got productivity on my mind and the motivation so I better put that to yse while it lasts.

With a future and goals.

- A

[mydyspraxiablog]

These Sunflowers landyard have help me on public bus hasn't trying Railway station but good and bad I got two disabilities I dyspraxia wear hearing aids thanks having measles when was little and it went to in one.

I also Coelic Sunflowers Landyard but have use Gluten free sign there sign say food allergy sign as Coelic really want prove to Cafe and pub and restaurant can eat as nomal but in the Kitchen there ssy Gluten free food put in wheat missing chicken soup at wheat miss chips at Gluten free miss double deck chocolates bar wheat too noughting we can do but if going out it just salad or fruietsalad and missing Event missing out on family and friends.

As with dyspraxia very clumsy people have think been rude and lost temper on me once in Asda waiting at Till and some push supermarket trolley in to me try stop trolley but women in front of me shap of me said she really panic blame me but Person push trolly ehide run off laugh so wasn't please so stop going Asda yes do need more support. I do support of family and friends but friends with no money and no Natwest card and no mobie phone can't meeting them it embarrassed going out in cafe have no money can't bring Gluten free food in cafe or supermarket cafe or Restaurant or pub have eat in Victoria Park and can't bring Gluten free food in to Victoria Cafe.

So dispoint so I worry few things but won't talk about now you can wait.