#shes like... if a classical epic hero was a girl actually... with all the same destructive mentalities

[greenerteacups]

oooh please someday tell us what you think of GOT

oh, no, it's my fatal weakness! it's [checks notes] literally just the bare modicum of temptation! okay you got me.

SO. in order to tell what's wrong with game of thrones you kind of have to have read the books, because the books are the reason the show goes off the rails. i actually blame the showrunners relatively little in proportion to GRRM for how bad the show was (which I'm not gonna rehash here because if you're interested in GOT in any capacity you've already seen that horse flogged to death). people debate when GOT "got bad" in terms of writing, but regardless of when you think it dropped off, everyone agrees the quality declined sharply in season 8, and to a certain extent, season 7. these are the seasons that are more or less entirely spun from whole cloth, because season 7 marks the beginning of what will, if we ever see it, be the Winds of Winter storyline. it's the first part that isn't based on a book by George R.R. Martin. it's said that he gave the showrunners plot outlines, but we don't know how detailed they were, or how much the writers diverged from the blueprint — and honestly, considering the cumulative changes made to the story by that point, some stark divergence would have been required. (there's a reason for this. i'll get there in a sec.)

so far, i'm not saying anything all that original. a lot of people recognized how bad the show got as soon as they ran out of Book to adapt. (I think it's kind of weird that they agreed to make a show about an unfinished series in the first place — did GRRM figure that this was his one shot at a really good HBO adaptation, and forego misgivings about his ability to write two full books in however many years it took to adapt? did he think they would wait for him? did he not care that the series would eventually spoil his magnum opus, which he's spent the last three decades of his life writing? perplexing.) but the more interesting question is why the show got bad once it ran out of Book, because in my mind, that's not a given. a lot of great shows depart from the books they were based on. fanfiction does exactly that, all the time! if you have good writers who understand the characters they're working with, departure means a different story, not a worse one. now, the natural reply would be to say that the writers of GOT just aren't good, or at least aren't good at the things that make for great television, and that's why they needed the books as a structure, but I don't think that's true or fair, either. books and television are very different things. the pacing of a book is totally different from the pacing of a television show, and even an episodic book like ASOIAF is going to need a lot of work before it's remotely watchable as a series. bad writers cannot make great series of television, regardless of how good their source material is. sure, they didn't invent the characters of tyrion lannister and daenerys targaryen, but they sure as hell understood story structure well enough to write a damn compelling season of TV about them!

so but then: what gives? i actually do think it's a problem with the books! the show starts out as very faithful to the early books (namely, A Game of Thrones and A Clash of Kings) to the point that most plotlines are copied beat-for-beat. the story is constructed a little differently, and it's definitely condensed, but the meat is still there. and not surprisingly, the early books in ASOIAF are very tightly written. for how long they are, you wouldn't expect it, but on every page of those books, the plot is racing. you can practically watch george trying to beat the fucking clock. and he does! useful context here is that he originally thought GOT was going to be a trilogy, and so the scope of most threads in the first book or two would have been much smaller. it also helps that the first three books are in some respects self-contained stories. the first book is a mystery, the second and third are espionage and war dramas — and they're kept tight in order to serve those respective plots.

the trouble begins with A Feast for Crows, and arguably A Storm of Swords, because GRRM starts multiplying plotlines and treating the series as a story, rather than each individual book. he also massively underestimated the number of pages it would take him to get through certain plot beats — an assumption whose foundation is unclear, because from a reader's standpoint, there is a fucke tonne of shit in Feast and Dance that's spurious. I'm not talking about Brienne's Riverlands storyline (which I adore thematically but speaking honestly should have been its own novella, not a part of Feast proper). I'm talking about whole chapters where Tyrion is sitting on his ass in the river, just talking to people. (will I eat crow about this if these pay off in hugely satisfying ways in Winds or Dream? oh, totally. my brothers, i will gorge myself on sweet sweet corvid. i will wear a dunce cap in the square, and gleefully, if these turn out to not have been wastes of time. the fact that i am writing this means i am willing to stake a non-negligible amount of pride on the prediction that that will not happen). I'm talking about scenes where the characters stare at each other and talk idly about things that have already happened while the author describes things we already have seen in excruciating detail. i'm talking about threads that, while forgivable in a different novel, are unforgivable in this one, because you are neglecting your main characters and their story. and don't tell me you think that a day-by-day account tyrion's river cruise is necessary to telling his story, because in the count of monte cristo, the main guy disappears for nine years and comes hurtling back into the story as a vengeful aristocrat! and while time jumps like that don't work for everything, they certainly do work if what you're talking about isn't a major story thread!

now put aside whether or not all these meandering, unconcluded threads are enjoyable to read (as, in fairness, they often are!). think about them as if you're a tv showrunner. these bad boys are your worst nightmare. because while you know the author put them in for a reason, you haven't read the conclusion to the arc, so you don't know what that reason is. and even if the author tells you in broad strokes how things are going to end for any particular character (and this is a big "if," because GRRM's whole style is that he lets plots "develop as he goes," so I'm not actually convinced that he does have endings written out for most major characters), that still doesn't help you get them from point A (meandering storyline) to point B (actual conclusion). oh, and by the way, you have under a year to write this full season of television, while GRRM has been thinking about how to end the books for at least 10. all of this means you have to basically call an audible on whether or not certain arcs are going to pay off, and, if they are, whether they make for good television, and hence are worth writing. and you have to do that for every. single. unfinished. story. in the books.

here's an example: in the books, Quentin Martell goes on a quest to marry Daenerys and gain a dragon. many chapters are spent detailing this quest. spoiler alert: he fails, and he gets charbroiled by dragons. GRRM includes this plot to set up the actions of House Martell in Winds, but the problem is that we don't know what House Martell does in Winds, because (see above) the book DNE. So, although we can reliably bet that the showrunners understand (1) Daenerys is coming to Westeros with her 3 fantasy nukes, and (2) at some point they're gonna have to deal with the invasion of frozombies from Canada, that DOESN'T mean they necessarily know exactly what's going to happen to Dorne, or House Martell. i mean, fuck! we don't even know if Martin knows what's going to happen to Dorne or House Martell, because he's said he's the kind of writer who doesn't set shit out beforehand! so for every "Cersei defaults on millions of dragons in loans from the notorious Bank of Nobody Fucks With Us, assumes this will have no repercussions for her reign or Westerosi politics in general" plotline — which might as well have a big glaring THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT stamp on top of the chapter heading — you have Arianne Martell trying to do a coup/parent trap switcheroo with Myrcella, or Euron the Goffick Antichrist, or Faegon Targaryen and JonCon preparing a Blackfyre restoration, or anything else that might pan out — but might not! And while that uncertainty about what's important to the "overall story" might be a realistic way of depicting human beings in a world ruled by chance and not Destiny, it makes for much better reading than viewing, because Game of Thrones as a fantasy television series was based on the first three books, which are much more traditional "there is a plot and main characters and you can generally tell who they are" kind of book. I see Feast and Dance as a kind of soft reboot for the series in this respect, because they recenter the story around a much larger cast and cast a much broader net in terms of which characters "deserve" narrative attention.

but if you're making a season of television, you can't do that, because you've already set up the basic premise and pacing of your story, and you can't suddenly pivot into a long-form tone poem about the horrors of war. so you have to cut something. but what are you gonna cut? bear in mind that you can't just Forget About Dorne, or the Iron Islands, or the Vale, or the North, or pretty much any region of the story, because it's all interconnected, but to fit in everything from the books would require pacing of the sort that no reasonable audience would ever tolerate. and bear in mind that the later books sprout a lot more of these baby-plots that could go somewhere, but also might end up being secondary or tertiary to the "main story," which, at the end of the day, is about dragons and ice zombies and the rot at the heart of the feudal power system glorified in classical fantasy. that's the story that you as the showrunner absolutely must give them an end to, and that's the story that should be your priority 1.

so you do a hack and slash job, and you mortar over whatever you cut out with storylines that you cook up yourself, but you can't go too far afield, because you still need all the characters more or less in place for the final showdown. so you pinch here and push credulity there, and you do your best to put the characters in more or less the same place they would have been if you kept the original, but on a shorter timeframe. and is it as good as the first seasons? of course not! because the material that you have is not suited to TV like the first seasons are. and not only that, but you are now working with source material that is actively fighting your attempt to constrain a linear and well-paced narrative on it. the text that you're working with changed structure when you weren't looking, and now you have to find some way to shanghai this new sprawling behemoth of a Thing into a television show. oh, and by the way, don't think that the (living) author of the source material will be any help with this, because even though he's got years of experience working in television writing, he doesn't actually know how all of these threads will tie together, which is possibly the reason that the next book has taken over 8 years (now 13 and counting) to write. oh and also, your showrunners are sick of this (in fairness, very difficult) job and they want to go write for star wars instead, so they've refused the extra time the studio offered them for pre-production and pushed through a bunch of first-draft scripts, creating a crunch culture of the type that spawns entirely avoidable mistakes, like, say, some poor set designer leaving a starbucks cup in frame.

anyway, that's what I think went wrong with game of thrones.

[isablooo]

"Whoever, fameless, wastes her life away, leaves of herself no greater mark on earth than smoke in air or froth upon the wave" (Dante, Inferno xxiv. 49-51)

[centrally-unplanned]

Lets start with one contemporary review of to illustrate how those norms around morality shifted - the blog "Comics Worth Reading", reviewing the first volume in 2005. It actually starts almost right out the gate with a discussion of dating Knives:

One might wonder what a young adult would see in a younger kid, but during a band practice scene, it’s clear that Knives’ adoration of Scott would be hard to resist. Plus, he’s not all that much older emotionally himself, and he’s pretty simple in his approach to life. When friends hear about him dating a Catholic school girl, they make all kinds of assumptions, but he finds merely holding hands with her to be nice. He also enjoys hearing about her friends the way one enjoys following a soap opera (subtly mimicking the appeal of this story to the reader).

The idea of the gap is acknowledged as an issue, but only to be justified away by the context. Scott himself in the review is portrayed as:

Characters, when introduced, have little caption blocks that give their name and vital stats. For example, after his age, Scott’s says “Rating: Awesome” and so he is. He’s a terrific wish-fulfillment figure because we know about him only what he chooses to tell us. He’s simultaneously a deep pool, allowing for the reader to invest him with what makes sense to them, and a blank slate. Plus, he does all these cool things: he’s a musician, he’s got his pick of nifty girlfriends, he can fight, his friends obviously trust and care about him, he’s suffering for his art (sharing an apartment where all the furnishings belong to his roommate and lacking extra money) but not in any really painful way.

"Pick of girlfriends" bro you can't say that today, he can't pick one of them! But yeah, Scott's blaise wastrelness isn't even inherently loser-coded, let alone bad; its kind of cool. Which I won't get into too much, but to maybe see how Scott would be cool, consider that the show Jackass, on MTV, started airing about 4 years before this comic. And the cast of that show were considered to be aspirational.

Others will be more critical of Scott, by the way - I am starting with the more positive, because I think you can see in the criticism that same strain of idealism.

Scott Pilgrim’s irresponsibility comes from a romanticism that seems inspired more by video games and rock ‘n’ roll than by Byron. Scott celebrates love and heroism, and he embraces his own individuality to the point of annoying his friends. He has no connection to reality. He obsesses over his romantic fantasies, but he can’t figure out that the URL for Amazon.ca is amazon.ca....His strategy in life is to elevate banal experience into narratives of romance and heroism.

They dismiss Byron but come on, that framing is classic Byronic Hero. Here his stupidity is noted, but so is its glory. Knives is of course discussed farther down:

Knives Chau is an ideal “girlfriend” for Scott. He doesn’t want sex or even kissing. Knives is still deep in the teenage world of ridiculous complex webs of (quasi)romantic relationships in yearbook class become epics of love and betrayal. She totally buys Scott’s rock-hero image—the first time she hears his band play, her eyes acquire a starry, almost zombielike glassiness of pure adoration. Her infatuation with Scott’s heroic self-image makes her a threat. Scott loves her because she tells him stories and because she adores him, but that adoration means their relationship is in constant crisis. They hover on the edge of a first kiss, neither falling over or stepping back, and that’s how Scott likes it—he certainly doesn’t seem interested in taking the relationship to the next level. There’s the danger that Knives will, but it must seem to Scott like a safe danger, since Knives is embarrassed even to hold hands and seems simply to enjoy the attention of an older man. But her obsession with the band looks dangerously like taking it to the next level, which is confirmed when Knives shoves the relationship into physicality.

Copying the whole paragraph because, honestly? This analysis pulls, this guy has got mad chops, she nails it. But you really don't see anywhere in this paragraph condemnation - its not even the frame of reference. Its not relevant to the story to consider the question.

The blog quotes another reviewer at its top, for some bonus evidence:

Scott Pilgrim’s Precious Little Life is, among other things, a story about the dumb things guys do in their 20s, and the complicated minefield that is the relationship tapestry of any group of people, but especially, again, those in their hormone-soaked early adult years.

Bold mine - Scott is an everyman. Everyone does what he does at some point, bro.

I like citing this 'other blog' - Peiratikos - because the only comment on this review is by Chris Butcher...O'Malley's former roommate and the inspiration for Wallace Wells.

Steve & Rose, the writers of this blog, were part of the comic scene - part of it enough to interview O'Malley himself in 2004! Only two months after the first volume came out, very early in. How the author views the work is I think very revealing - and to start, Knives's relationship itself simply does not come up at all. Its not a point of relevance, which is very amusing given current interviews. Knives mainly comes up in one point:

Knives is a character who was conceived as being at a vulnerable age and stage of social growth. Knives’ zombie-glassy eyes in that early scene are a kind of… new level of social awakening, as it were? She’s heard crap on the radio, she’s heard hip-hop and maybe Coldplay or something in her friend’s car, and then she hears this awful band playing live guitar music right in front of her, and it changes her life forever! It doesn’t matter what it is, I think, but when you find the thing you need at the time you need it, it can take you over immediately. When I was maybe seventeen, I heard a band called Plumtree, and that was that. They were my favourite thing, this little idiosyncratic girl-pop band from Halifax. They wrote a song called “Scott Pilgrim”, and here I am today.

Knives's obsession with Sex Bob-omb is autobiographical, O'Malley was the same age, doing the same thing. Knives is going on a journey of social formation, like people do when they are teens. It is meant to be relatable.

You see how intensively personal the whole comic is, really, and no one more than Scott:

And I used to, yes, many times wish I was a regular white kid like everyone else I knew. Raleigh [from Lost at Sea] is probably a reflection of some of that wistful alienation, and Scott Pilgrim is probably the kid I wanted to be.

Many others have documented little autobiographical touches in Scott's life - I learned from this that O'Malley was also a prep cook at a restaurant (surrounded by Sri Lankan cooks as the odd-one-out, apparently) while writing the comic, just like Scott becomes, neat. You can again see those themes of idealism in Scott, he is - in a silly, dramatic, tragic hero sort of way, kind of beautiful for being who he is.

And of course, to complicate things, he also has this to say about reader reactions to his attempts to be non-explicit in the storytelling:

This [ambiguous] approach has been working, so far as I know. Readers have formed instant impressions based on the appearance of the characters and the few lines of dialogue they happen to have, and that’s curious to me. It’s like cultural anthropology or whatever! Why do people think Kim is so great? Why do people think Scott is such a dick? Is he a dick, or am I just presenting him that way? Am I doing it on purpose, or is it all an accident? It’s a secret! Or time will tell! Or something.

So yeah, people got Scott was a dick. But a dick is different from a 'bad person' - I think this is mainly in reference to the cheating, for example - and you can see this is just an example of diverse reader impressions, he got others. He describes Scott as "inscrutable" earlier in this section - different takes was the point of his character. I don't think he says that today! Not how he would describe it, not at all.

Btw Knives does come up one more time:

So I’ll say that Knives Chau represents an ideal girl for many young white males I’ve known: Asian schoolgirl is hot. Why are so many white guys obsessed with Asian girls? It’s a mystery of the universe. I won’t try to explain it, but I’ll represent it as realistically as I can.

I think that one speaks for itself.

Maybe I should add "history of Scott Pilgrim discourse" to the projects list. Virtually no one would have (or did) describe Scott as a 'bad person' in 2004 the way its done today, that was not a thing, and now its the Kotaku headlines, its the frikkin author's own comments (he is lying!! Its so funny, I don't know if he knows he is lying a bit or if he just internalized his own changing views). How SP intersected the Nerd Culture wave, Film Bros discourse, Gamergate & the Third Wave Feminism Wars, queer culture, etc. I don't think its a long story, most of those interactions are shallow? But I think its a complex one, and illustrative.

Guess I will just throw it on the pile, groan.

[pepplemint]

Last time I asked for recs but I missed out on more recent movies so here’s a list of animated movies you might have missed out on... Part 2! :) (as per last time; This post will have multiple links (to the trailers of the movies) so tumblr might try to “shadowban” it, please reblog or save somewhere else if you want to keep it.)

Long Way North (2015)

In 1882, a young Russian aristocrat goes on an epic adventure to find out what happened to her grandfather and save her family's reputation. This french animation have slipped under the radar for a lot of people, which is unfortunate because compared to a lot of the “simpler” stories in animations made for children as target audience, it’s this movies strong point. 

Bilal: A New Breed of Hero (2015)

A thousand years ago, one boy with a dream of becoming a great warrior is abducted with his sister and taken to a land far away from home. Thrown into a world where greed and injustice rule all, Bilal finds the courage to raise his voice and make a change. This movie is made in the United Arab Emirates about Bilal ibn Rabah's start in life.

Zarafa (2012)

A bold ten-year-old Sudanese boy befriends a young giraffe and a kind Bedouin, who takes them on a splendid journey via a hot-air balloon as far as the palace of King Charles X of France. The style in this movie is so gorgeous, much like classic western animation! French-Belgian movie.

Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs (2019)

Princes who have been turned into green Dwarfs seek the kiss of the most beautiful girl in order to break the spell. At the same time, a princess is looking for her lost father. A fairy tale-parody with a twist. This korean movie caught a lot of unwarranted slack before being released due to a very gross ad. The ending credits are especially very cute.

Felidae (1994)

The story centers on domestic house cat Francis and the grisly feline murders taking place in his new neighborhood. I would recommended people to watch this movie based on style and animation alone, but there’s a lot of... adult themes including gore and sex. Very strange in a who-the-fuck-is-this-movie-marketed-for??-way but aesthetically pleasing. Made in Germany.

Over the Moon (2020)

Fei-Fei’s mother dies when she’s young and when she notices her father moving on, she takes comfort in a mythological story her mother used to tell her. Made by legendary animator Glenn Keane that worked on all your favourite Disney-movies.

Wrinkles (2011)

A man with Alzheimer struggle to adjust to life in an elderly care facility. There he makes new friends and reflect on the disease. There some really strong themes of love and friendship. Watching it, I felt it was actually really refreshing seeing an animated movie with main characters (and issues) that are not just teens! Quite a bittersweet watch. Some of the scenography is also really gorgeous. Made in Spain.

Lupin III: The First (2019)

Lupin III  (known character from several anime series and movies) goes on a grand adventure to uncover the secrets of the Bresson Diary, which is tied to the legacy of his famous grandfather. Sort of a really strange story at times but wonderful animation and a playfulness that reminds me of those cartoons you used to watch as a kid!

[bigskydreaming]

So I got an ask wondering about what my usual depiction of Lilith is based on in Titans stuff, and how much of it draws on the books and from where, versus just kinda making a lesser known character be what I want. Which is an extremely valid ask, make no mistake. 

But now I’m deep diving into her earliest appearances again, because her initial depiction is 100% what every single thing I love about this epic drama queen is based on, and why I will defend that interpretation of her to the absolute death, THE DEATH SAYS I.....and I’m just.....kermiting all over again at what an absolute GEM they had with Lilith Clay right off the bat. Only to literally just water down her character more and more each time they brought her back after time spent in comics Limbo. 

To the point where it really doesn’t shock me that my take on Lilith comes out of left field for a lot of people who have only read Lilith starting in the 90s onward. Because I feel like past a certain point new writers literally just looked at this red-headed psychic and said “This is a Jean Grey” but also their knowledge of Jean Grey was solely limited to the 90′s X-Men Animated cartoon where all the show usually gave Jean to work with was lots of scenes shouting “Scoooooott” and dramatically fainting a lot.

But original recipe Lilith just has so much FLAVOR. Like this is the girl who after years of seeing the Teen Titans exist as like, just the same five teens known as the respective sidekicks to five of the world’s most famous heroes and never showing a hint they wanted to expand beyond that...she literally just decided “yeah I’m gonna go join up with the Titans when nobody even asked because I wanna and also I’m a go-getter, so, look out world, here comes the sixth Titan” - and that’s pretty much exactly what happened then. 

She kinda just....auditions herself when all the original Titans are looking at each other like wait did we pass out flyers for a recruitment drive, did anyone else know we were looking to expand? And Lilith’s just like shhh, I sensed your need, now stop talking and listen raptly, I’m monologuing. And also voguing. I have so many skillsets, how do I do it.

And then this absolute ICON of a diva like, vogues in their direction, jazz fingers wagging for emphasis as she dramatically INTONES on one of the pages of her debut issue, which introduced her in media res and then flashed back to how the Titans first encountered her:

“TITANS! A man is going to DIE tonight, unless you stop it, and if you do not, his death will be ON YOUR HANDS!”

Like, case in point number one: This is not a woman who believes in doing anything by half measure, or who’s afraid to make her presence felt. Classic Lilith never stepped softly a day in her life, and she sure as hell didn’t when deciding on how best to petition famous superheroes for a shot at joining their extremely exclusive club.

Now admittedly, because Lilith was rarely a focal viewpoint character in her earliest appearances, in large part because she wasn’t a known quantity like the other iconic teen heroes but also because a huge part of her initial concept was the constant air of mystery she was shrouded in, with the others always wondering about how much she knew and could be trusted....this means that we didn’t get a ton of internal monologue from Lilith or a look into her actual motivations or thoughts about the various events unfolding. So full disclosure, basing my interpretation on mostly just her earliest appearances requires some coloring in and filling in the blanks for a lot of her very-open-to-interpretation early actions, and I acknowledge there’s room for them to be interpreted in other ways than how I view them. But again, I don’t think my take just comes out of nowhere; its earned by how the narrative wrote her.

Because see, one of the biggest unknowns with Lilith’s character and a lot of her actions, is its a proven quantity that she’s a psychic whose powers include precognition....but just how DETAILED her visions are, and how MUCH foreknowledge she has, is very up in the air for the most part.

So one of the earliest criticisms paid of new Titan Lilith, both out of universe and by her new teammates, was if she knew exactly how the man in issue #25 of the original Teen Titans was going to die, and what the Titans had to do with it and thus how to prevent it....why was she as vague as she was, when the only reason she gave for her ambiguity was she wanted to impress upon the Titans how valuable her skillset was and that they needed her.

This in turn colored a lot of their early wariness of her, and why several were less than enthusiastic about welcoming her with open arms, thus meaning right out the gate she was perceived as something of an outlier to the 05 and didn’t get grandfathered into their group dynamic as having the same kind of closeness with them that the 05 are all famous for having with each other. Wally in particular had trouble trusting her or her motivations, because so much of his character is “I think science is neat, and if you don’t, you’re probably a witch, gee whiz” and precognition is not exactly a powerset that goes hand in hand with reliable and verifiable. Oh Wally. Go eat a Snickers.

But the point is, it could be argued that Lilith didn’t do her introduction to her future teammates any favors by being withholding right off the bat rather than give them everything they needed to save the man in her visions. Ironic for a psychic. Course, that’s also what informs a lot of my take on early Lilith and why I love her so much....because my personal belief is that Lilith just didn’t KNOW all that much from her vision, and was kinda bringing it to the Teen Titans as a hail mary type of thing that maybe they could do enough with what little she had that it saved the man in her dreams. BUT at the same time, I ALSO view a key component of things being that like.....Lilith was intentionally vague about NOT having a clear picture of events, in order to leverage her powers and information into what she was after, aka membership as a Titan.

And this is where other details about early Lilith are critical: specifically, that she was an orphan and foster child who was bounced around from one home to the next due to people being wary of the strange child who always seemed to know things she shouldn’t, and whose attempts to endear herself to people and make herself invaluable to them and thus less likely to be sent away, like, constantly backfired on her and became the reason they DID send her away. People didn’t like that young Lilith Clay had inexplicable knowledge of things they usually didn’t WANT anyone else to know, and the fact that she really just wanted to help, not actually use the insights she had to hurt people....tended to get lost in the shuffle.

So Lilith, though not fully spelled out as such, was from a very early point presented as someone who was used to her powers working AGAINST her, at cross purposes from what she actually wanted to do with them. By the time we met her in the comics, her primary motivation aside from her wishes to make something of herself and her power, was to try and find out where she came from, who her parents were, etc. This had eventually led her to the employ of Mr. Jupiter, an eccentric DC billionaire whose history had given him various connections to the hero community, and she somehow got herself hired as his personal assistant in return for his help in vouching for her to the Titans when she ultimately engineers an encounter with them. 

(Ironically, later retcons would reveal that Mr. Jupiter was in fact her biological father and though this was part of what had led Lilith to him over the course of her search for her origins, he neglected to share this info - which he was well aware of - during her hiring interview. Guess Lil comes by her inscrutability and penchant for Literally Why Tho dramatics honestly. I’m just saying!)

The point to all of this being that even without her earliest issues detailing her thought process explicitly, the clues are all there to interpret her as someone who was used to people assuming the worst of her and her intentions, and who thus had to try and make the most of what she DID know from her visions, while anticipating that the people she tried to give this info weren’t likely to just take her word for it or assume she didn’t have ulterior motive.

So an expedient solution for Lilith, it seemed, was just to play into peoples’ expectations and PRESENT them with a motive right up front, something that was plausible enough to explain her approach as well as her ‘refusal’ to be fully forthcoming with her intel. Though that refusal was mostly just due to her not HAVING any further intel but still wanting to be viewed as worth keeping around despite what she feared would be seen as having limited effectiveness.

All of which then led, IMO, to Lilith’s decision to approach the Titans with a dire prophecy that they would be integral to the demise of an innocent man....but providing very little detail beyond that. And she played this off as intentionally being vague so that the Titans would appreciate how useful she could be to their heroics and agree to work with her on future endeavors in return for her full insights....rather than her risk that they’d turn her away and write her off as just being some weird fangirl who made a couple of lucky guesses. EVEN THOUGH, Lilith ALSO understood - and seemingly accepted as the cost of doing business - that this very same approach would likely keep her at arm’s length from them for the foreseeable future, because it would come across to them as callous and unheroic....assuming as they did that she COULD have provided them with more intel and just chose not to in service of her own agenda.

But again - Lilith’s only real agenda, in retrospect....was an honest and sincere desire to help save people, to be a hero. And I find that dichotomy, that carefully scripted approach on her part, to be FASCINATING, full of so much rich character potential. The idea of this hero whose entire approach to heroics and the other heroes she’d become teammates with, like, in her own mind REQUIRED her to be mercenary and to FAKE an air of aloofness and mystery as though she didn’t care all that much about the fates she foresaw or individual human lives, when in fact CARING VERY DAMN MUCH was the entire BASIS of her drive to be a hero and a Titan in the first place....that’s so much more compelling to me than Generic Bland Exposition Mouthpiece that later runs of Titans tended to treat her as.

Now, equally important to my view of Lilith, Drama Queen Most High and Proud Of It....is HOW Lilith first got the Titans’ attention so that she could make her approach and utter her dire prophecy.

She did this by intercepting the Titans when they were all relaxing in a club - and basically just commandeering their attention. It was a music club, with dancers... one of whom was Lilith, introduced by the club’s em-cee, directing all eyes on her and which Lil then capitalized on to dance right up the Titans’ table, where the 05 were all chilling out of costume, and led to this exchange:

Lilith: I’ve been waiting for you! I knew you’d come here tonight!

Donna: How could you know that? WE didn’t know we’d make this scene until a few minutes ago.

The narration, in 60s style LULZ fashion: From cool lips, carved of gleaming jade - a scorching thunderbolt!

Lilith: I want to be a Teen Titan!

Dick: Huh? A Teen Titan? Why ask us?

Donna: All that dancing’s got you flaky, gal. (LOL afhsifhalkfhal I can’t even)

Roy: Right! Asking us about being a Titan makes no sense (paraphrasing because I gotta, this dialogue is just too much)

Lilith: Don’t put me down, kids! Who else should I ask about being a Titan, than the Titans themselves? *proceeds to call each of them out by their codename, pointing at each of them in turn*

Like....so to recap, Lilith figured out via her precognition where the Titans would be that night, and rather than just bump into them and introduce herself, she engineered her entrance to be as attention-grabbing as possible. LOL. Cuz  Lilith didn’t actually work as a dancer, who just so happened to dance at the club the Titans would end up at the night she had a vision to share intel on. She literally GOT herself a spot as a dancer that night specifically in order to make the approach she did. As I’ve said in multiple Lilith posts, making a totally over the top wtf initial impression is kinda like her signature move, as of her earliest appearances. She deliberately scripts encounters on more than one occasion to leave people off balance and make herself as memorable or larger than life as possible....in order to counterbalance the times she knows that she’ll have less than underwhelming info to offer up when people DO quiz her on what her powers show her and expect she knows more than she actually does. 

Its all carefully managed expectations and intermingling smoke and mirrors with genuine truth and psychic foresight, so that even once on the team, Lilith can kinda build herself a reputation as intentionally vague and unknowable, even to her own teammates, and thus somewhat temper peoples’ reactions to her both giving more info than they expect or less, depending on which she happens to have at the time. She deliberately makes herself as unpredictable and inexplicable as possible so they KNOW she’s legit and has actual psychic powers, but also ‘know’ or at least believe she has a habit of keeping her knowledge largely to herself for reasons she declines to share. All because again, she doesn’t trust them to still see her as deserving a spot on the team if she discloses just how unpredictable her powers can be, and thinks her chances of being a hero and a Titan are better if they just all continue to think of her as cold and intentionally keeping pivotal details to herself for mercenary reasons she truly believes are more plausible to them, and something they’re more willing to put up with in a teammate - than a psychic teammate whose powers are less reliable than she’d like them to be.

There’s an inherent tragedy to a lot of Lilith’s earliest character work - like for instance when they meet future teammate Mal Duncan, Lilith sees him sneak out in order to take on a mission solo at night when everyone’s asleep. Only for the other Titans to assume upon discovering him gone the next day that she knew well in advance what he was going to do because of a vision, and think she didn’t warn anyone because she’s too callous to care what happens to Mal. When the truth was just that she didn’t realize at the time she saw him what he was going to do, and only ran with the other Titans’ assumption she had a vision about him because they’d been getting frustrated with her lack of helpful visions all issue and so she thought it was better that they believed she DID have a vision about him than admit she just hadn’t had anything useful to share in days.

Like, I joke about Lilith’s DRAMA and her various ways of drawing attention and capitalizing on it, but the truth is early Lilith is also heart-breakingly insecure about her self-worth and her place on the team and as a hero. In time, she eventually does become close with the other early Titans and open up to them and become a trusted confidante in turn, but it did TAKE time, and she never fully lost the mannerisms and behavior traits that were born of assuming people wouldn’t take her seriously or at face value. At least, not until later appearances where all those aspects of her character just disappeared in an instant with zero acknowledgment of ever being part of her prior characterization. Not because writers had organically grown her past all of that but more likely IMO because they just saw her as a generic psychic info-dumper they depicted as blandly inoffensive and trying not to make waves or stand out....even though that’s one hundred percent just NOT Lil, a character who once upon a time LIVED to stand out and shouted for peoples’ attention in as dramatic a fashion as possible, because she desperately wanted to be seen and heard and valued, to be able to say Lilith Was Here and not be forgotten. 

Lilith’s initial character concept was an anti-Cassandra of Troy, a psychic of limited means who was determined not to let that stand in her way as she made the most of what gifts she did have in her pursuit of being a hero and helping people, and who so absolutely refused to accept being disbelieved or ignored that she willingly sacrificed her hopes and desires of being liked and a friend to the very heroes she looked up to and said I’d rather you all think I was the coldest bitch north of Antarctica than risk you doubting me on the occasions when I DO have crucial information I can’t afford anyone secondguess.

But later writers were like we’ve literally never heard of that character, here, have some wallpaper instead. They sanded off all her carefully and deliberately roughened edges to make her as nondescript as possible, because it never occurred to them that this largely forgotten psychic plot device of eras past might have been more than just a plot device, and ironically MOST characterized by her refusal to JUST be a plot device advancing other heroes’ narratives while she stood on the sidelines. 

So much for the teenager who blackmailed her way onto several missions by refusing to divulge anything she foresaw ahead of time and insisted that they’d need her there alongside them, whether she’d truly seen that or not. Toodles to the telepath who upon first emergence of her telepathy, panicked because she couldn’t decide if she’d rather share her new power with her teammates and be recognized for it or if it would just give them more reason to distrust her, knowing that she could now hear their thoughts. “We don’t even know her” to the girl who absolutely one hundred percent WOULD deliberately cause offense just to make sure you never forgot about the time you encountered Lilith Clay and she handed you your ass....only to ultimately be replaced by this meek, mild-mannered superhero support staff member who never had a negative thing to say about anyone because her only appearances in stories was to enable everyone else’s plots with no thought to giving her one of her own.

*sighs gustily*

I have just. So very many thoughts on the erosion of the Prickly With Intent and Damned Proud Of It Lilith of yesteryear, into the character we’ve had over the last thirty years (when writers deign to remember a character with that name even exists at all). She was so much BIGGER than peoples’ assumptions about her or about what a character with her archetype and powerset SHOULD be like. Lilith of once upon a time was an often self-sabotaging mess with a heart of gold who absolutely would cut off her nose to spite her face while doubling down and shouting “I totally meant to do that" - preferring to fall on her sword as being literally too dumb to live than live with the shame of people thinking it only happened cuz her powers were on the fritz and she’d been, gasp, fallible. Her priorities were her own and she’d do as she damn well pleased in pursuit of them, and she wasn’t here to apologize for being who she was and how she went about being that person. 

She was a complicated contradiction of a desperate yearning to belong and a conviction that there was no point in shooting for an end-goal she didn’t believe she’d be able to recognize even if she ever were to find it. She was a girl whose very powers demanded faith that she wasn’t sure even she had herself, and who then grew up to be a woman whose belief in her own friends’ and teammates’ best natures or futures was steadfast specifically BECAUSE she never forgot how much they all believed in her once she finally started to let down her walls and gave them a glimpse of the more vulnerable, genuine self she kept hidden behind them.

And none of that even TOUCHES on the total wtf-mess of various storylines she had, like when it was believed the Greek Titaness of the Sun was her mother. Or the COMPLETELY forgotten about and overlooked aspect of her character and powers where she only first started wearing a cloak and hood because she’d developed a power to unconsciously alter how people looking at her saw her, with her face taking on the appearance of those she used her telepathy on. So it was like when deep-diving into the mind of a friend or enemy, her telepathy wasn’t like that of an intruder just spying on someone’s most private thoughts, but rather it functioned as though her telepathy let her BECOME that person, comingling with the mind she was delving through to such a degree that where that mind ended and she began started to blur, and who they were began being reflected in who she was as well, with even her face visibly changing to look more like them than herself. 

And Lil started to wear a hood after this power development in part to make other people more comfortable, as this was said to be very unnerving for people to witness...but with it at least partially being implied that her hiding her face had as much to do with Lil’s own fears about this side of her powers and what they suggested, as she struggled to find a balance between the good she could do with her telepathy and her fears of losing herself to them and the minds she traipsed through. Like the irony of her insecurities and lack of a sense of self or belonging as an orphaned girl leading into her lifelong drive to be a hero and help and save people and attempts to define herself through that only for that very drive and use of her powers to someday threaten to take her too far and cost her every real sense of self as who she is was in danger of becoming lost or subsumed in one of the minds she foraged through? 

THERE WAS SO MUCH MORE TO LILITH WHERE DID IT ALL GO, I WOULD LIKE IT BACK PLEASE AND THANK YOU. 

In conclusion, there is my somewhat haphazard and rambling tale of where does my take on Lilith come from and why do I interpret and depict her character the way I do, with a side helping of Gazes longingly into the void of comics past and yet to come, beseeching said void all like Would the Real Lilith Clay, Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up.

Thank you for your time. This has been a post. The end.

[yamayuandadu]

Circe by Madeline Miller: a review

As you might have noticed, a few of my most recent posts were more or less a liveblog of Madeline Miller’s novel Circe. However, as they hardly exhausted the subject, a proper review is also in order. You can find it under the “read more” button. All sorts of content warnings apply because this book takes a number of turns one in theory can expect from Greek mythology but which I’d hardly expect to come up in relation to Circe. I should note that this is my first contact with this author’s work. I am not familiar with Miller’s more famous, earlier novel Song of Achilles - I am not much of an Iliad aficionado, truth to be told. I read the poem itself when my literature class required it, but it left no strong impact on me, unlike, say, the Epic of Gilgamesh or, to stay within the theme of Greek mythology, Homeric Hymn to Demeter, works which I read at a similar point in my life on my own accord.

What motivated me to pick up this novel was the slim possibility that for once I’ll see my two favorite Greek gods in fiction, these being Hecate and Helios (in case you’re curious: #3 is Cybele but I suspect that unless some brave soul will attempt to adapt Nonnus’ Dionysiaca, she’ll forever be stuck with no popcultural presence outside Shin Megami Tensei). After all, it seemed reasonable to expect that Circe’s father will be involved considering their relationship, while rarely discussed in classical sources, seems remarkably close. Hesiod’s Catalogue of Women and Apollonius’ Argonautica describe Circe arriving on her island in her father’s solar chariot, while Ptolemy Hephaestion (as quoted by Photius) notes that Helios protected her home during the Gigantomachy. Helios, for all intents and purposes, seems like a decent dad (and, in Medea’s case, grandpa) in the source material even though his most notable children (and granddaughter) are pretty much all cackling sorcerers, not celebrated heroes. How does Miller’s Helios fare, compared to his mythical self? Not great, to put it lightly, as you’ll see later. As for Hecate… she’s not even in the book. Let me preface the core of the review by saying I don’t think reinterpreting myths, changing relations between figures, etc. is necessarily bad - ancient authors did it all the time, and modern adaptations will inevitably do so too, both to maintain internal coherence and perhaps to adjust the stories to a modern audience, much like ancient authors already did. I simply don’t think this book is successful at that. The purpose of the novel is ostensibly to elevate Circe above the status of a one-dimensional minor antagonist - but to accomplish this, the author mostly demonizes her family and a variety of other figures, so the net result is that there are more one dimensional female villains, not less. I expected the opposite, frankly. The initial section of the novel focuses on Circe’s relationship with her family, chiefly with her father. That’s largely uncharted territory in the source material - to my knowledge no ancient author seemed particularly interested in covering this period in her life. Blank pages of this sort are definitely worth filling. To begin with, Helios is characterized as abusive, neglectful and power-hungry. And also, for some reason, as Zeus’ main titan ally in the Titanomachy - a role which Hesiod attributes to Hecate… To be fair I do not think it’s Hesiod who serves as the primary inspiration here, as it’s hard to see any traces of his account - in which Zeus wins in no small part because he promises the lesser titans higher positions that they had under Cronus - in Miller’s version of events. Only Helios and Oceanus keep their share, and are presented as Zeus’ only titan allies (there’s a small plot hole as Selene appears in the novel and evidently still is the moon…) - contrary to just about any portrayal of the conflict, in which many titans actually side with Zeus and his siblings. Also, worth noting that in Hesiod’s version it’s not Oceanus himself who cements the pact with Zeus, it’s his daughter Styx - yes, -that- Styx. Missed opportunity to put more focus on female mythical figures - first of many in this work, despite many reviews praising it as “feminist.” Of course, it’s not all about Helios. We are quickly introduced to a variety of female characters as well (though, as I noted above, none of these traditionally connected to the Titanomachy despite it being a prominent aspect of the book’s background). They are all somewhat repetitive - to the point of being basically interchangeable. Circe’s mother is vain and cruel; so is Scylla. And Pasiphae. There’s no real indication of any hostility between Circe and any of her siblings in classical sources, as far as I am aware, but here it’s a central theme. The subplots pertaining to it bear an uncanny resemblance to these young adult novels in which the heroine, who is Not Like Other Girls, confronts the Chads and Stacies of the world, and I can’t shake off the feelings that it’s exactly what it is, though with superficial mythical flourish on top. I should note that Pasiphae gets a focus arc of sorts - which to my surprise somehow manages to be more sexist than the primary sources. A pretty famous tidbit repeated by many ancient authors is that Pasiphae cursed her husband Minos, regarded as unfaithful, to kill anyone else he’d have sex with with his… well, bodily fluids. Here she does it entirely  because she’s a debased sadist and not because unfaithfulness is something one can be justifiably mad about. You’d think it would be easy to put a sympathetic spin on this. But the book manages to top that in the very same chapter - can’t have Pasiphae without the Minotaur (sadly - I think virtually everything else about Pasiphae and Minos is more fun than that myth but alas) so in a brand new twist on this myth we learn that actually the infamous affair wasn’t a curse placed on Pasiphae by Poseidon or Aphrodite because of some transgression committed by Minos. She’s just wretched like that by nature. I’m frankly speechless, especially taking into account the book often goes out of its way to present deities in the worst light possible otherwise, and which as I noted reviews praise for its feminist approach - I’m not exactly sure if treating Pasiphae worse than Greek and Roman authors did counts as that.  I should note this is not the only instance of… weirdly enthusiastic references to carnal relations between gods and cattle in this book, as there’s also a weird offhand mention of Helios being the father of his own cows. This, as far as I can tell, is not present in any classical sources and truth to be told I am not a huge fan of this invention. I won’t try to think about the reason behind this addition to maintain my sanity. Pasiphae aside - the author expands on the vague backstory Circe has in classical texts which I’ve mentioned earlier. You’d expect that her island would be a gift from her father - after all many ancient sources state that he provided his children and grandchildren with extravagant gifts. However, since Helios bears little resemblance to his mythical self, Aeaea is instead a place of exile here, since Helios hates Circe and Zeus is afraid of witchcraft and demands such a solution (the same Zeus who, according to Hesiod, holds Hecate in high esteem and who appeared with her on coins reasonably commonly… but hey, licentia poetica, this idea isn’t necessarily bad in itself). Witchcraft is presented as an art exclusive to Helios’ children here - Hecate is nowhere to be found, it’s basically as if her every role in Greek mythology was surgically removed. A bit of a downer, especially since at least one text - I think Ovid’s Metarphoses? - Circe directly invokes Hecate during her confrontation with king Picus (Surprisingly absent here despite being a much more fitting antagonist for Circe than many of the characters presented as her adversaries in this novel…) Of course, we also learn about the origin of Circe’s signature spell according to ancient sources, changing people into animals. It actually takes the novel a longer while to get there, and the invented backstory boils down to Circe getting raped. Despite ancient Greek authors being rather keen on rape as plot device, to my knowledge this was never a part of any myth about Circe. Rather odd decision to put it lightly but I suppose at least there was no cattle involved this time, perhaps two times was enough for the author. Still, I can’t help but feel like much like many other ideas present in this book it seems a bit like the author’s intent is less elevating the Circe above the role of a one note witch antagonist, but rather punishing her for being that. The fact she keeps self loathing about her origin and about not being human doesn’t exactly help to shake off this feeling. This impression that the author isn’t really fond of Circe being a wacky witch only grows stronger when Odysseus enters the scene. There was already a bit of a problem before with Circe’s life revolving around love interests before - somewhat random ones at that (Dedalus during the Pasiphae arc and Hermes on and off - not sure what the inspiration for either of these was) - but it was less noticeable since it was ultimately in the background and the focus was the conflict between Circe and Helios, Pasiphae, etc. In the case of Odysseus it’s much more notable because these subplots cease to appear for a while. As a result of meeting him, Circe decides she wants to experience the joys of motherhood, which long story short eventually leads to the birth of Telegonus, who does exactly what he was famous for. The final arcs have a variety of truly baffling plot twists which didn’t really appeal to me, but which I suppose at least show a degree of creativity - better than just turning Helios’ attitude towards his children upside down for sure. Circe ends up consulting an oc character who I can only describe as “stingray Cthulhu.” His presence doesn’t really add much, and frankly it feels like yet another wasted opportunity to use Hecate, but I digress. Oh, also in another twist Athena is recast as the villain of the Odyssey. Eventually Circe gets to meet Odysseus’ family, for once interacts with another female character on positive terms (with Penelope, to be specific) and… gets together with Telemachus, which to be fair is something present in many ancient works but which feels weird here since there was a pretty long passage about Odysseus describing him as a child to Circe. I think I could live without it. Honestly having her get together with Penelope would feel considerably less weird, but there are no lesbians in the world of this novel. It would appear that the praise for Song of Achilles is connected to the portrayal of gay relationships in it. Can’t say that this applies to Circe - on this front we have an offhand mention of Hyacinth's death. which seems to serve no real purpose other than establishing otherwise irrelevant wind god is evil, and what feels like an advert for Song of Achilles courtesy of Odysseus, which takes less than one page. Eventually Circe opts to become mortal to live with Telemachus and denounces her father and… that’s it. This concludes the story of Circe. I don’t exactly think the original is the deepest or greatest character in classical literature, but I must admit I’d rather read about her wacky witch adventures than about Miller’s Circe. A few small notes I couldn’t fit elsewhere: something very minor that bothered me a lot but that to be honest I don’t think most readers will notice is the extremely chaotic approach to occasional references to the world outside Greece - Sumer is randomly mentioned… chronologically after Babylon and Assyria, and in relation to Persians (or rather - to Perses living among them). At the time we can speak of “Persians” Sumerian was a dead language at best understood by a few literati in the former great cities of Mesopotamia so this is about the same as if a novel about Mesopotamia mentioned Macedonians and then completely randomly Minoans at a chronologically later point. Miller additionally either confused or conflated Perses, son of Perseus, who was viewed positively and associated with Persia (so positively that Xerxes purportedly tried to use it for propaganda purposes!) with Perses the obscure brother of Circe et. al, who is a villain in an equally obscure myth casting Medea as the heroine, in which he rules over “Tauric Chersonese,” the Greek name of a part of Crimea. I am honestly uncertain why was he even there as he amounts to nothing in the book, and there are more prominent minor children of Helios who get no mention (like Aix or Phaeton) so it’s hard to argue it was for the sake of completion. Medea evidently doesn’t triumph over him offscreen which is his sole mythical purpose. Is there something I liked? Well, I’m pretty happy Selene only spoke twice, considering it’s in all due likeness all that spared her from the fate of receiving similarly “amazing” new characterization as her brother. As is, she was… okay. Overall I am definitely not a fan of the book. As for its purported ideological value? It certainly has a female main character. Said character sure does have many experiences which are associated with women. However, I can’t help but think that the novel isn’t exactly feminist - it certainly focuses on Circe, but does it really try to “rehabilitate” her? And is it really “rehabilitation” and feminist reinterpretation when almost every single female character in the book is the same, and arguably depicted with even less compassion than in the source material?  It instead felt like the author’s goal is take away any joy and grandeur present in myths, and to deprive Circe of most of what actually makes her Circe. We don’t need to make myths joyless to make them fit for a new era. It’s okay for female characters to be wacky one off villains and there’s no need to punish them for it. A book which celebrates Circe for who she actually is in the Odyssey and in other Greek sources - an unapologetic and honestly pretty funny character -  would feel much more feminist to me that a book where she is a wacky witch not because she feels like it but because she got raped, if you ask me. 

Circe evidently having the time of her life, by Edmund Dulac (public domain)

[dwellordream]

“...Seasonal patterns are typical of nomad life. The pastoralists of ancient Scythia migrated from high summer pastures to winter camps. Each spring, bands came together to bury their preserved dead in kurgan cemeteries. In spring they took purifying saunas; met with other tribes annually for trade fairs; and competed in riding and shooting contests. Warfare and raiding may have been seasonal too, with bands of mostly males away for much of a year, returning each summer to the women with small children. For the Greeks these unfamiliar patterns could have given rise to the idea that the men and women lived separately, coming together once a year to mate.

Another factor is that small, isolated, close-knit tribes can avoid incest and inbreeding by mating with outsiders. (Whether or not they had an embryonic grasp of the scientific rationale, these breeders of horses and other animals would have noticed inbreeding effects.) Exogamous sexual unions among culturally related groups may well have taken place at certain times of the year. It was common practice to forge alliances by intermarriage. In some nomad groups polyamory or “free love” practices—multiple sexual partners for males and females, and polyandry (many “husbands” or men) and polygamy (many “wives” or women)—were accepted. 

Xenophon, for example, remarked on the indiscriminate, public sexual intercourse of the tattooed Mossynoeci tribe of Pontus. Herodotus reported that the Agathyrsi, the nomadic Thracian-Scythian tribe, mated freely in order to “foster sibling-like relationships and to eliminate jealousy and hatred.” According to Strabo, among the Siginni of the northwest Caucasus the most accomplished women charioteers could “cohabit with whomever they chose.” Strabo also described the sexual mores of the mountain tribes of Media (northwestern Iran): the men have up to five women and “likewise the women believe it honorable to have as many men as possible and consider less than five a calamity.” Polyandry was practiced by the women of another nomad group near the Caspian Sea, the Tapyri, who had children by several men. 

The Massagetae, a Saka-Scythian tribe of Central Asia, formed companionate couples with an “open marriage” option, according to Herodotus and Strabo. The men and women were free to initiate discreet sexual relations with others. The sign for sex in progress was a quiver hung outside a woman’s wagon. (In the Caucasian Nart sagas, the signal that a woman had a sexual guest was his lance stuck in the ground outside her abode.) Ancient Chinese sources also described polyandry and polyamory among the nomad tribes of Inner Asia (chapter 25). Ancient notions of virginal Amazons seem to be at odds with reports of Amazons as sexually active; some scholars argue that Amazons were imaginary figures intended to represent Greek girls out of male control.

Yet many features of the seemingly contradictory Greek descriptions of legendary Amazons may reflect misunderstood nomad customs. Greek girls were usually married by age eighteen, when they passed from the guardianship of their male relatives into their husband’s household. Greek men controlled their wives’ and daughters’ sexual activities. In contrast, there was no set “marriageable” age for girls in Scythia. Herodotus and other writers said that Saka-Scytho-Sarmatian girls did not marry until they had fought and/or killed at least one enemy. In antiquity “virgin” and “maiden” were not always technical terms meaning “intact hymen” or “lacking sexual experience”; the words could mean a sexually active woman who was “unmarried/unattached” to one man. 

As noted in chapter 1, only three Amazons were renowned for their lifelong vows of virginity. In some nomad cultures, unattached young women enjoyed liberties shocking to Greeks. In Thrace, for example, where “to live by war and plunder is most glorious,” Herodotus marveled that “they keep no watch over maidens and leave them altogether free.” Girls and boys in nomadic societies were trained alike in the arts of war. In the steppe nomad context, it would be reasonable to expect youths of both sexes to prove their worth before marrying and/or having children. A ritualized duel with a suitor, often from another tribe, could be one way of proving one’s mettle. 

The natural historian Aelian described courtship and marriage among the Saka (Massagetae) as a mock battle for dominance. “If a man wants to marry a maiden, he must fight a duel with her. They fight to win but not to the death. If the girl wins, she carries him off as captive and has power and control over him, but if she is defeated then she is under his control.” Aelian may have exaggerated the actual outcome based on the Greco-Roman difficulty in imagining a relationship grounded in equality. Similarly, the notion that only one partner could be dominant led classical writers to insist that any man who loved an Amazon had to either assert his power or submit to hers (see chapter 10). 

And yet Aelian’s description turns out to have a basis in reality. Among the nomads of Central Asia, serious and mock duels between heroes and heroines in epic poems often end in love. The traditional courtship customs of nomadic Kyrgyz people and others of ancient Saka lands entail arduous physical contests, such as racing and wrestling, to win a maiden’s love. The contests are sometimes said to determine which marriage partner wins (symbolic) dominance in the relationship (chapters 22–24). 

As in Atalanta’s lusty relationship with Meleager, Amazons were enthusiastic lovers of men of their own choosing. Herodotus’s story of the Sarmatians (chapter 3) told how Amazons and young Scythian men had sex, fell in love, and eloped to create a new tribe. The strangers shared sexual attraction and took mutual pleasure in intercourse, repeated over time and, in this case, with the same partners. The couples bonded and decided as a group to spend their lifetimes together, promising to raise their children free of imposed gender roles. Random sex among multiple partners, agreed upon among equals, appears in Strabo’s description of the seasonal mating of Amazons with their neighbors, the Gargarians. 

It is not clear whether the Gargarians of the Caucasus were believed to be an all-male tribe. (Their name comes from gargar, ancient Georgian for apricot, native to Colchis.) In Strabo’s account, the Gargarians had originally “lived with” the Amazons in Pontus and migrated with them over the Caucasus Mountains to the northern Black Sea region. At some point, the Gargarians “revolted” and a war ensued. The Gargarians and Amazons finally made peace. They agreed to “a compact that they would live independently but still have dealings with each other in the matter of children.” The clear understanding is that each tribe would benefit from this arrangement. 

And so, continues Strabo, following this ancient compact, each summer the Gargarian men go up to a mountain on the border with the Amazon territory to meet Amazonian women. First the men and women offer sacrifices together, signifying the religious propriety of what was to follow. Then, for two months, the Amazons and the Gargarians enjoy casual sex after dark with whoever is handy. The men return to their land and many of the women go home pregnant. Strabo goes on to say that baby girls born of these unions are raised by the Amazons, but “they take the boys to the Gargarians, who adopt and raise them as their own sons, despite uncertain paternity.”

Strabo’s account was drawn from two ancient historians of the Amazons, Metrodorus and Hypsicrates, both of Pontus (their works are unfortunately lost). Might his description reflect a garbled ethnological history of divisions and alliances within a tribe or confederation of tribes in which women were fighters and leaders? Scythian bands continually waxed and waned, united and divided, fought and allied. Modern scholars assume that Strabo intended his story to portray Amazons mating like wild animals solely for reproduction. But his account is complex and may well contain incomplete information about genuine past practices. The treaty between Amazons and the Gargarian men who were once closely associated with the Amazons specified that they would come together each summer to worship and procreate.

Annual gatherings would have involved reunions of friends and relations from past years. Ritualized sacrifice and consensual sex with multiple partners within a sacred precinct is not implausible. Seasonal rendezvous customs fostered exogamy and provided other important social and economic opportunities for scattered nomad groups. One ancient Greek writer clearly associated Amazon sexual activity with nomadic trade fairs: “Whenever the Amazons need children they go to the marketplace on the River Halys (western Pontus) and have intercourse with men.” Strabo reported that as many as seventy tribes of Sarmatia and the Caucasus region came together each year at Dioscurias on the coast of Colchis to socialize and trade. 

It is interesting that many Central Asian epics tell of heroes who travel long distances to find brides, and many non-Greek Amazon tales feature marriage to husbands from other tribes, practices that avoid incest and seal alliances. In antiquity, Amazons were assumed to be strongly heterosexual. The women warriors were, as Plutarch put it, “natural lovers of men.” Indeed, some ancient beliefs about physiognomy maintained that it would be natural for “manly” Amazons to be especially attracted to “manly” men. According to this theory, it was overly feminine women who would be attracted to loving other women. Virile women, like Amazons—who could overcome the weak, “effeminate” traits in themselves—were assumed to desire virile men.

…In Greek mythology, confronting a beautiful, passionately resisting, powerful Amazon aroused the Greek heroes to dominate, harm, rape, humiliate, and/or murder such threatening women (chapters 15–18). Yet outside the world of myth, in the Amazonian sexual encounters described by ancient historians and other authors, a consistent theme emerges of mutual sexual attraction, pleasurable consensual sex— plenty of it—and a sense of equality with male lovers. Sexual relations between equal men and women developed into long-term relationships in Herodotus’s story of the Sarmatians, who decided that gender equality was “fair and honorable.” 

Herodotus also reported that among the “civilized and righteous Issedonians the women share power equally with their men”. Companionable relationships characterized by equality and a sense of interdependence, like those the Greeks reported among Scythians in antiquity, are traditional and practical ways of life in many nomadic and seminomadic cultures. The ancient Nart sagas of the Caucasus, for example, frequently allude to the shared authority, responsibility, interdependence, love, and affection of male and female “soul mates.” Mutual respect was seen as a necessary condition for a husband and wife. 

Early modern European travelers in the Caucasus remarked on the “great freedom and respect accorded to women” and the “humanity and affection” and friendship of husbands and wives. Klaproth remarked, for example, that in the Caucasus “the wife is the companion, and not the menial servant, of the husband.” “Easy camaraderie” and “blurred lines between sex roles” are phrases used to describe the egalitarian lifestyle of some nomads living today in Kazakhstan and other ancient Scythian lands. Among the polytheistic Kalash tribe of northwest Pakistan the women have a remarkable degree of sexual freedom (some Kalash claim descent from Alexander’s Greeks and local women). 

…Did the Greeks ever suspect what they might have been missing by suppressing women? Greeks also held a belief that sex between equals— especially gods and heroes but also mortals—could be exciting and fulfilling. That idea anticipates some modern scientific studies correlating gender equality with more frequent sex and happier coupling. Perhaps the popularity of Amazon stories among the Greeks served as a kind of “what if/if only” compensation. The Greek historian Xenophon wrote an oft-quoted dialogue in which a man instructs his young bride on the proper duties of an ideal Greek wife. Yet, like Herodotus, Xenophon also expressed admiration for other societies in which women, like men, were encouraged to engage in vigorous sports like “running and feats of strength” and outdoor activities. Xenophon remarked that “if both mothers and fathers were physically fit their children would be much stronger.”

A pair of lesser-known passages by Xenophon illustrate fascinating real-life situations suggesting that Greeks could enjoy envisioning men and women on more equal terms. In Xenophon’s Symposium (380 BC) we witness the growing excitement of Greek men at a banquet as they observe a steamy sexual encounter of two passionate, willing partners. A handsome young man and woman—noncitizen slaves of equal status—have already entertained the men with choreographed, sinuous gymnastics and a dangerous sword dance–duel. Now they act out a sex scene, taking the roles of the mythic lovers Dionysus and Ariadne. As the two kiss and caress one another, the men, says Xenophon, suddenly realize that the actors are not simply reciting a typical “burlesque” script. The two people are really in love and lust. 

Watching genuine lovers of equal status on the verge of satisfying their obvious mutual desire arouses the men to a high pitch, says Xenophon. As the pair discreetly withdraw from view, the bachelors in the audience vow to get married and the married men rush home to their wives, eager to replicate what they have just seen. Xenophon includes another remarkable account of gender equality in his historical memoir of leading his army of ten thousand Greek soldiers back to Greece after a failed campaign in Babylonia (400 BC). Their long march took them north from Persia through Armenia to Pontus, the fabled Amazon homeland on the Black Sea. 

Along the way, Xenophon says, the Greek soldiers took “some boys and many women captive, depending on their sexual preferences.” Like the boys, the “beautiful and tall” women and girls of local villages were at first exploited as sexual objects and made to perform daily chores for the men. But during the months of shared hardships and dangers crossing the Armenian mountains in winter, Xenophon explains that a new relationship began to develop between the individual men and the foreign women. They were gradually becoming trusted companions dependent on each other for survival. 

Several times the men risked their lives to save the women. The women took up the army’s war cry at crucial moments. Camping together in the cold, hostile land, fending off deadly attacks from natives, and learning each other’s languages and personalities, the Greek soldiers and the barbarian women forged bonds that made them essentially equals. Xenophon’s Greek army had taken on some of the attributes that made Scythian bands so formidable: everyone, male and female, was a potential fighter. Xenophon illustrates this new relationship in his account of the banquet that he, as general, gave for the local Paphlagonian chiefs, because his army needed safe passage through their territory west of Pontus. 

To entertain their guests, the Greek men performed their traditional pyrrhic war dances. The choreographed military moves in full armor with weapons and shields was also a not-so-subtle display of martial prowess. Then one of the foreign women at the banquet donned some Greek armor and took up a light shield to “perform a pyrrhic dance with grace.” The amazed Paphlagonian chieftains asked whether these women fought alongside the Greeks. The Greeks assured their guests, “These very women drove off the King of Persia!” In this extraordinary reply, the Greek soldiers were claiming—boasting!—that they had Amazons as their companions in love and war.”

- Adrienne Mayor, “Sex and Love.” in The Amazons: Lives and Legends of Warrior Women across the Ancient World

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Hello AJ. Shy anon here. I recently started watching MJHT and I recall you've watched the show too. I haven't gone too far ahead but I just noticed that Nupur has a lot of similarities with Khushi. (Which is funny because Sanaya is in it as Gunjan who's like such a contrast to Khushi and Nupur). The very first similarity I actually noticed was the clothing, specifically the bangles. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the show. Just any thoughts. I really enjoy when you deep dive and dissect shows and storylines. I hope you're doing well. Bye 🥰

Hello Shy Anon!!!!

Oh I love that show and its cheesiness to every bit! It had the perfect everything - romance, comedy, drama and an excellent way to show a parallel lead that rarely happens now cause the whole focus goes to literally one character...

DAMN THOSE DAYS!!!

Oh Nupur? Haye!

(long exploration of Khushi, Nupur, Mayank, Samrat under cut)

Yes, Nupur and Khushi have a LOT of similarities because:

1) They represent the classic Indian television female lead; manic pixie, colorful, quirky, witty, middle class, wears tons of jewelry such as bangles and earrings and a Bollywood loving dream girl. This is ITV’s basic template for every heroine. Nupur and Khushi are just the far better and memorable ones. 

2) They’re also written by the same writer! 

However in my opinion Nupur is a slightly more fleshed out and stronger character because:

- She never compromises with her self respect.

- Balances tradition and progressive thinking very well. 

- Keeps grudges and demands apologies when she’s been hurt.

- Knows how to communicate. 

- Allows people to depend on her as much as she depends on them.

- Is always a sister first, lover second. 

- Has ambitions, career, education but ALSO loves romance, marriage, etc. 

- GROWS as a character. She starts from being too eager to fit in, naive, unaware, to mature, proud of her roots, intimidating :)

- Knows when to apologize, works on her ego. 

- Is fiercely independent post marriage and loves being ‘Nupur Bhushan’ as much as ‘Mrs. Mayank Sharma’. 

Nupur would never work with ASR. She’d kill him. No doubt. And sue his dead body. 

Also I think given she was a Star One heroine, the writer/s had more room to develop her as an independent woman as opposed to the perfect ‘bahu’ which is what star plus literally demands from all of its heroines. 

Nupur never had to fit in Mayank’s household nor meet the ‘Sharma’s’ expectations unlike Khushi who is inborn with what they expect from a Raizada bahu. There’s no standard at the Sharma household. Their ‘ideal’ bahu is one who’s independent and has her own persona. Like Mayank’s mum and Nupur. 

I feel Khushi would’ve been more like Nupur if IPK was made as a Star One show. She’d be a slightly calmer, more orthodox and more childlike than Nupur but yeah, actually be treated as an independent character. 

Lol, I realised what a brilliant actor Sanaya was when I saw her interviews!

Also, let’s just say that Gunjan was path breaking as an ITV lead. 

She’s everything you’d expect in a ‘male lead’ and so different from what they catered.

- She’s extremely intelligent, anti social, a scholar, fiercely loyal to her family, mature, pragmatic, practical and is acutely aware of her surroundings. She’s proud of who she is - even though she is intimidated of new spaces and people. A classic introvert who’s very new to Mumbai. You’ll notice later in the show that she’s a no bullshit woman and her hurt, grief lasts for years. 

Unlike other female characters who go over their emotions in a flip and their hurt is never addressed, Gunjan has difficulty moving on from her pain and takes a lot of time to come to terms with her emotions. Also, she’s incredibly sorted and slightly naive about the matters of heart. 

She’s so guarded that she ends up hurting the person she loves. 

Now I feel ASR and Gunjan would be excellent friends if they met in college. Their personalities and pride on education and intelligence is at par - they’re equals if you ask me. 

AND COMING TO MY FAVORITE BOIS - MAYANK AND SAMRAT.

SAMRAT IS MY ETERNAL LOVE. THEIR BROMANCE IS EVERYTHING AND SAMRAT IS THE SWEETEST PUP WITH THE MOST EPIC CHARACTER GROWTH. YOU WILL UNDERSTAND WHY. HE IS THE BEST MALE HERO ON TELEVISION. BOY IS JUST... SO FREAKING NICE. BEING HOT DOES NOT MEAN YOU’RE A DICK. HE’S HOT AND SWEET AND EVERYTHING!!!! 

Mayank, I love him. Again, I feel he’s a very mellowed version of ASR. Quick to judge, “once good opinion lost, then lost forever” types (*cough* Darcy), attached to his mum, does not take being lied to very well, is very single focused, slightly self absorbed, refuses feelings for like a billion years, likes being ‘self made’ and is proud of who he is. Also, secretly loves challenges *lol*

In my eyes MJHT, despite being kitschy, cheesy, very 2000s with a barely passable wardrobe, remains as a much superior show than IPK just in terms of writing and characters. Yeah, they do have shit plots in between and you go WTF but in general they never really compromise on the female nor male leads. I mean I wish they went a hundred episodes less but still...

They really focus on fostering a healthy relationship between all the important characters and not just love, but also - most importantly - friendship. In that way, it was incredibly mature writing. I will defend this show with my last breath! AND CAN I SAY THIS SHOW HAD AN ENDING? LIKE A PROPER ENDING?

THEIR ENDING WAS THE EXACT REVERSE OF THE FIRST PROMO MJHT EVER RELEASED AND I CRIED. *spoiler no spoiler but if you can ever search for the “love bole toh...” promo then you’ll know what I mean when you’re done with the show*

I’ll tell you where IPK surpasses MJHT - production value, subtlety, background scoring, direction and chemistry. Like Samrat/Gunjan, Mayank/Nupur will give you all the feelz for sure (and I was so damn excited when I learned that Mohit and Sanaya are a real life couple) but there’s something different with Arnav and Khushi. You can’t tear your eyes away from them and I think it’s because Sanaya and Barun are... brilliant actors.

Barun, especially, is a rare gem. 

But apart from that, enjoy MJHT and keep me posted! Also you should write to @leila1 - she’s another MJHT lover like us!!!

THANK YOU FOR THROWING ME BACK INTO MY BACHPAN FEELZ

[mermaidsirennikita]

Hello, I hope I'm not bothering you, but do you have any good "enemies to lovers" recs, may they be books or movies?

I neeeever am bothered by people asking for recommendations.  Those are my favorite asks because I am nothing if not in love with my own opinions, lol

Books

Obviously, The Viscount Who Loved Me by Julia Quinn, the best Bridgerton book, because I’ve been blogging about it lol.  If you haven’t read it, it’s basically “rake tries to seduce the beauty of the ton, beauty’s older sister cockblocks him, he realizes that He Is Into It” 

The Hating Game by Sally Thorne is a classic.  Very light and fluffy contemporary, two people who’ve always hated each other begin competing for the same job and fall in love.

Kate Quinn’s Mistress of Rome series is a saga and the initial big ship of the first book (which you do have to read lol) is not enemies to lovers.  However, the NEXT ship which dominates the last two books of the series (which is four books long, and tbh... I recommend the second book but it’s a prequel and can be skipped technically) is SOOOOOOO GOOD.  It’s really “childhood friends to young lovers to SEVERE ENEMIES still secretly in love” and it’s literally epic lol.  Essentially, the series is set in Ancient Rome and Sabina (very bitchy Roman noblewoman) and Vix (child of a former gladiator, soldier) are friends who I think lose their virginities to each other?  And are in love as kids.  But then she fucks him over and marries the emperor.  Who he actually begins to loyally serve!  But he haaaates Sabina because she.... constantly backstabs him lol.  But he also looooves Sabina and gets off on everything she does.  And she wants him so badly.  And it is delicious.  And I live for it.

Both of the Evie Dunmore books I’ve read, Bringing Down the Duke and especially A Rogue of One’s Own are very enemies to lovers.  In Bringing Down the Duke it’s a bluestocking versus a duke who for political reasons is her enemy.  In A Rogue of One’s Own it’s another bluestocking versus a rake who has known her basically all their lives.  They have to begin working together and fall in looove.

Sarah MacLean LIVES for this trope lol.  Her first true enemies to lovers was Twelve Scandals to Start to Win An Earl’s Heart, in which the heroine is a scandalous young woman and the hero is a duke determined to avoid scandal--and he rebuffed her before the book began, so they hate each other.  But he also has a massive boner around her, of course. 

My favorite MacLean book, A Rogue By Another Name is another “childhood friends turn enemies to lovers”.  The leads, Penelope and Bourne (last name lol) were best friends as kid and he basically fell off after life set in.  Her family now has hold of his ancestral lands, and Bourne essentially blackmails Penelope into marrying him so that he can get those lands, after which she DESPISES him even though they had..... extremely great sex lol.  It’s SUPER GOOD, and it involves borderline voyeurism, which is great.

Then No Good Duke Goes Unpunished is very enemies to lovers.  The heroine was set to become the hero’s stepmother--then he woke up covered in blood with her missing. He then finds out, after years of being despised by society as a presumed murderer, that she is very much alive with a fake identity lol.  It’s WILD.

The Rogue Not Taken is an enemies to lovers roadtrip romance.  The heroine thinks the hero is a horrid rake who purposefully ruins marriages.  He thinks she’s a stuck up brat.  They end up journeying together and he eats her out in a moving carriage.

Theeen there’s Daring and the Duke.  The hero literally thought the heroine was dead (MacLean loves this) and is OBSESSED with her, but she hates him because the man who raised them both basically pitted them against each other after their days of being childhood sweethearts.  It’s very dark and delicious, and there are blow jobs!  Blow jobs don’t happen enough in romances, especially historical romances.  More BJs!  They are fun!

If you’re interested in a dark and BONKERS romance, Desperate Measures by Katee Robert is a retelling of Disney’s Aladdin about a modern Jafar and Jasmine getting together after he takes over her father’s criminal empire.  It’s definitely extremely explicit and a bit fucked up.  The book comes with content warnings; the first sex scene is dubcon.  (Like you’re reading from her perspective and she WANTS IT but she says no.)

Beach Read by Emily Henry is a cute contemporary in which the hero is a literary author and the heroine is a romance novelist.  They find themselves in neighboring beach houses and basically challenge each other to write in the other person’s genre.  Very light enemies to lovers.

A Heart of Blood and Ashes is a fantasy romance by Milla Vane!  Essentially, the hero’s parents were killed by the heroine’s father and he’s out to kill her father and overtake his throne.  Luckily, she’s on board.  But he needs to marry her in order to accomplish his goals.  They do not trust each other whatsoever and torment one another a lot.  For context, within the first fifty pages she gives him a handjob while her hand is covered in her own brother’s blood (and yes, he did kill her brother).  It’s great.

The Worst Best Man is about a wedding planner who suddenly finds herself needing to work with her ex-fiance’s brother... who she holds responsible for her fiance leaving her at the altar.  Very fun and sexy contemporary.

The entire Four Horsemen series by Laura Thalassa.  In each book, the heroine falls in love with a literal embodiment of one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse, who is here to bring the end of the world.  VERY heavy enemies to lovers.  Kinda dark at times?  Kinda fucked up at times?  I love it a lot?  It begins with Pestilence; War and Famine have already been released, but Death has not.

From Lukov with Love by Marina Zapata.  It’s a figure skating romance; a down on her luck skater pairs up with a male skater who is extremely successful, and who she’s known for years and hated.  Verrrrry slow burn, but fun.

Movies

The Proposal, of course, starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds.  You’ve probably seen this, but the setup is that she’s his evil boss, he’s her assistant, and she’s about to lose her visa so she bribes him into marrying her so that she can get citizenship.  But ruh-roh, they have to go to Alaska for his family reunion and he’s also got a great body and is like, an Alaskan Rockefeller?  

Obviously, Clueless which is enemies to lovers by way of former stepsiblings, and also by way of the only valid retelling of Emma.  Emma itself is not enemies to lovers, really, but Clueless amps that aspect up a bit.

If you want a super tragic version, warning lol--House of Flying Daggers.  It’s a wuxia movie, so melodramatic to the max.  She’s a blind daughter of the leader of a vigilante group, he’s a soldier who’s gone undercover to follow her to their stronghold.  Many reveals and one of my favorite dramatic love stories ensues.

Princess Diaries 2, duh.  Baby Chris Pine?  Anne Hathaway?  PLEASE BITCH.

365 DNI.  If you haven’t watched yet, watch it and thank me later.  The greatest cinematic contribution of the last decade.

Down with Love.  It’s a delightful take on like, 50s/60s sex comedies in which the heroine writes a book that convinces women to ignore love and men, which makes the hero look bad and makes it difficult for him to get laid.  So he sets out to basically.....  wear a different persona?  And seduce her?  It is one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen, and I adore it.  Renee Zellweger and Ewan Macgregor have great chemistry in it too.

The Thomas Crown Affair, starring extremely hot Pierce Brosnan and Renee Russo.  She’s an insurance investigator, he’s a billionaire who basically is suspected of stealing priceless works of art because he’s bored.  She investigates him and immediately begins fucking him.  Has a scene where she dances with him while wearing a completely transparent dress.  Then they fuck everywhere in his house.  I have never wanted to be between two people more.

The Painted Veil.  A socialite marries a dorky scientist for convenience, then cheats on him.  He finds out and basically forces her to go to China with him, where he is fighting the cholera epidemic, as an extremely long and petty murder suicide attempt.  But they get to know each other!  And the ice begins to melt!  Warning: tragic but lovely.

Casino Royale YES I SAID THAT.  The James Bond reboot movie that explains why he’s such a whore!!!  HE WAS BROKEN!!!  Basically James Bond is not like... a learned man... in this movie.  So he’s a cocky bastard and the Bond girl is impossibly sexy Eva Green as Vesper, who’s the “money man” on his mission.  They begin as bickering assholes and then fall in love.  But also!  Tragedy!

The animated Anastasia movie is one of the finest enemies to lovers movies of any time, I will defend this forever

Anyway....  Hope this gives you some ideas!  Lol

[allycryz]

WOL Challenge #3: You

[Prompt List Here]

[Filled Prompt List Here]

Haurchefant x Nerys, set immediately after Ardent [Ao3 Link]

Heavensward, right after Inquisition trial and before “Keeping the Flame Alive”

Rating: T for off-screen sex, sex talk

~*This is 2K words, most of it is fluff and I revel in it*~

The Fortemps library is a grand one. Haurchefant is not certain how it compares–he has only been in Haillenarte's with Francel–but imagines it is the finest in Ishgard. His father is a man of letters, a true believer in the power of words. And one who expected his sons to follow suit.

His education differed greatly from his brothers’ the day he became a knight’s page. Even still, his lord father sent him monthly parcels of books. He was expected to read them all and send detailed reports on the contents. Had he ever kept up his thaumaturgy studies, he would have been hard-pressed to find the time.

As it was, he’d stayed up often to fit in the poetry and novels not on the list. Count Edmont was a modern man and his syllabus reflected this–vetted popular authors and poets made it into the parcels. Never in the quantity Haurchefant would have liked. And never some of the one-gil books he bought in The Pillars.

When he was a boy, there were songs for sale about body functions and noises; exaggerated tales of heroes fighting all manner of beasts and foes. As a youth, these became long, violent epics of battles and bravery. As a young man: lurid poems and explicit romance novels. Some as grand and sweeping as the classical romances his Father promoted. Some were not.

He has managed to introduce some contemporary poets into the collection. Not all. Edmont’s tastes in poetry run more traditional. Some of the rising stars of the field are roundly rejected.

Haurchefant is working on that.

Today, he feels romantic in both classic and literal senses. And as his Father has ordered him to stay for a day and night, indulging in a novel sounds just the thing.  It seems that getting trapped in a blizzard–even if things had gone fine, more than fine–means your noble father turns to such decrees.

At least, that is what it means now they are growing close, as they never had been. Another miracle Nerys has wrought with her coming. And as Haurchefant has full faith in Corentiaux and the rest...he allows himself to be thus ordered. 

Someone else is in the library. He can sense it soon as he enters. A soldier learns to tell when others are near, even in safe environs such as this. Haurchefant softens his footfalls, peering about the shelves. There, in the alcove reserved for study, he finds the source of today’s romantic mood.

Nerys looks up, eyes turning soft. His heart swells in his chest, his mouth cannot help but smile. It’s unstoppable and he does not ever want it to cease. Was it really only yesterday? That she told me my love was returned?

It seems a dream now, albeit the sweetest one he has ever had.

Her hands sweep at the papers she has laid out, pulling them into a stack. Flips over the one on top. “Hello.”

“Hello, my dear.” How nice to call her that. “I thought you were on a shopping expedition with Emmanellain?”

“I was.” She touches her neckline. So caught up in her eyes, he hadn’t noticed the gown she wore.

Scarlet as the unicorn on his shield, set off with dangling garnets in her ears. The heart-shaped neckline shows off her elegant neck and collar bones. The sleeves are slashed to reveal white fabric beneath and the cuffs have delicate pearls. “I found this. For when I’m here at the manor and not about to fight Inquisitors or dragons.”

“You are breathtaking in it.” He circles the table to take her hand. Bows over it before pressing his mouth to her knuckles. Etiquette demands he should kiss the air above it but surely exceptions are made for lovers. 

She is my lover now, he thinks in wonder. Her cheeks stain with a fetching indigo shade. “My lord is kind.”

Haurchefant drops to one knee before his lady and turns her hand. Her palm is just as lovely to kiss. “Your lord means everything he says. But if you require further proof of my ardor…”

Nerys darts a glance about before tilting up his chin. Her kiss is sweet and soft and not a little heated. Would that he might lay her upon the table in this temple of learning and know her better.

Alas, Nerys has asked for discretion. Time to better acquaint themselves as lovers before declaring themselves. They are still friends–always will be, if he has anything to do with it–but this dynamic is new and strange. Haurchefant can understand why the most public figure in Eorzea might want some measure of privacy. 

Though, he reflects as he parts from her. Half the fun would be keeping quiet and avoiding discovery.

“I know that look,” she says. “You’re thinking of something lascivious.”

“When I had this look before I confessed, what did you think it meant?”

“The same,” she admits. “But that your love of innuendo was good-natured teasing.”

He heaves a sigh. Either he is not as obvious as Estinien always accuses him or she’d been in deep, deep denial. “Dearest love, how-”

The library doors bang open and the culprit whistles as he walks inside. Haurchefant rises, knowing exactly who it is before he comes into view.

“Old Girl! Old Man!” Emmanellain grins. “You didn’t tell me we were having a party in the library.”

“Impetuous Youth,” Haurchefant shoots back. “What if one of us was deep in study?”

“Oh I don’t deal in ‘what-ifs’. You two are having a conversation, not studying; ergo all is well.” 

“He has a point. I think,” says Nerys. “By the by, if Haurchefant is ‘Old Man’, what do you call your eldest brother?”

The two men exchange looks. Smile. Say in unison, “Artoirel.”

Nerys groans and flaps both hands at them in dismissal. “Go fetch whatever you two were looking for. I am actually working on something.”

“Am I to be banished for my baby brother’s crimes?” Haurchefant presses a hand to his heart. “Mistress Eluned, you wound me.”

“If I must be quiet and meek like a mouse, so must you. After all, I am the true leader of our brotherly trio.”

“You are right of course. I could never compare to you.” Haurchefant shakes his head. “Very well, Impetuous Youth. As mice scurry to cheese, let us go to the books we seek.”

“Ordered to seek,” Emmanellian mutters. “I’m to review Ymbelet’s Theorem of Command and deliver a report. As if we hadn’t put our schooling well behind us.”

Haurchefant does his best to soothe his brother. They quiet down at last: the younger man taking his volume off to his chambers, the elder settling into an armchair within eyesight of Nerys. (Far enough away that she may stop hiding her work.)

His novel is a work of popular fiction he’d garnered approval to stock here. No erotic scenes, but romantic enough. Should he ever get his eyes to stay on the page.

Alas, the white-haired sorcerer-king and his beloved princess and his soul-eating sword are no match for the Warrior of Light. The curve of her cheek. The braided coronet of purple and white hair, crowning her while the rest of her curls are a lovely raiment over her shoulders. The quirk to her dark, sweet lips.

She lifts those golden eyes, meeting him. If he were not already lovestruck and bedazzled, that gaze would ensnare him. He smiles and lifts his shoulders in a helpless shrug. Haurchefant isn’t sorry for lingering before a sunset; and that natural wonder is naught in comparison.

“My lord,” says Nerys, her voice carrying. “May I help you?”

“Nay, Mistress.” He shakes his head. “Simply exist as you are and I am satisfied.”

That is when Alphinaud bursts in, looking drawn and pale. If Haurchefant is annoyed at another interruption, that vanishes at the sight. He jumps to his feet. “My lad! Are you alright?”

The youth shakes his head. “Nerys. Tataru has grave news about General Aldynn. We must be off at once.”

She rises, hurrying over in a rush of white and red silk. In an instant she has changed from playfulness to resolute determination. Always ready to become The Warrior, his Nerys. 

“Do you require anything?” He asks them. “You know my sword is yours, as is any resource at our disposal.”

Alphnaud shakes his head. “No one must see us enter Thanalan or leave. As soon as we cross back into Coerthas, we’ll send word.”

“I thank you. If you needs must bring the General somewhere safe, Camp Dragonhead’s doors are open to you.” If he must return to his command rather than fight at her side, at least he might be of some use to her. He loves–truly loves–his role but lately, his dearest wish is to be a shield at her back and a sword in her arsenal.

Ah, well, even Sorcerer-Kings do not get all they want. Why should he?

He dips into a sweeping bow to them both. Alphinaud returns it before rushing out, every emotion writ upon his usually perfect diplomat’s mask. Should the General die, the youth will carry it as he does everything else that occurred with the Braves. Haurchefant sends a prayer to Halone, asking for mercy on him.

Nerys takes his hand. Squeezes it. He squeezes it back. She smiles before picking up her skirts and rushing afterward.

It proves impossible to focus after that, even more than before. For a moment he entertains armoring up and following. This isn’t Dragonhead and so none of the knights with orders to keep him safe are here. (That time with Iceheart, Corentiaux had actually sat upon him.)

But they have asked he stay behind. So he will.

Haurchefant can take care of Nerys’ papers for her. He means to pointedly not look at the contents. He truly does. But he sees a piece of paper with his name on top, another with his last name, and his resolve crumbles.

The first piece of paper is titled “Minako” in large, neat letters. Beneath are names like Mamoru, Umino, Motoki. Her Yellow Chocobo is named Minako. Therefore, this is for…

The next sheet of paper confirms his suspicions. Under the heading “Black Chocobo” are the names Endymion, Starlight, Twilight, Onyx. Below that, a subheading “Elegance” with virtue monikers: Noble, Dignity, Charming.

And so, when he arrives to the last three papers (titled “Haurchefant”, “Greystone”, and “Fortemps”), he cannot contain his joy. The little note scribbled atop “Haurchefant” tickles him further. He gave you the Chocobo and you adore him. Will he be offended? He might be offended. 

Haurchefant is certainly not offended. 

He delights in the candidates, even some of the ones she crossed out. Sadly, there is no option for “Haurchefant” or “Haurchefant II.” I suppose that might get confusing.

Grinning, he picks up her leather folio and tucks her work inside. Hopefully, she will forgive his snooping because he has some ideas about this.

--

The Lord Commander’s bed at Camp Dragonhead may be the most comfortable place in Eorzea.

Nerys should get up to clean, brush her teeth, all the little nighttime rituals. But she is so pleasantly exhausted and the blankets are so soft and warm. She stretches, luxuriating in the feel of them against her skin. It has been a harrowing few days since her abrupt departure from Ishgard. But all is well and now, she feels nothing but comfort.

The bed could be warmer with her companion. But then she wouldn’t get to see his bare bottom as he slips into the bathroom. Halone must adore him to bless him with such a lovely rear.

“My love,” he calls after a while. “I have a confession to make.”

“Oh? Should I be worried?”

“I hope not.” He returns with a washcloth, his black silk robe barely closed against the cold. The fireplace sends flickers of light across his sculpted chest.  “I may be overstepping but...I must say that I truly adore the name Grey. Though Tempsy is charming. Also, may I suggest Haurchon?”

What does he...oh. Oh! Nerys groans and buries her face in a pillow. She had been in such haste to rescue Raubahn–rightfully so!–that she had left all her papers there. All face up, all in the open.

The mattress dips as Haurchefant sits beside her. One hand strokes her hair, gentle and sweet. “I should not have pried but Nerys–my dearest one–I am utterly and truly touched by the idea. Though of course, if you pick a different name I will not be offended.”

“I only...well, I wouldn’t have him if not for you,” she mutters into the pillow, heat filling her face. “And if not for him, we wouldn’t have been in Coerthas that day.”

“So we owe him a great honor, for bringing us together at last.” His lips press against her bare shoulder. “Of course, the truest honor would be to name him after yourself-”

She turns then, mortification at last leaving her. Cups his face in her hands. “I am not playing this game where we go on for hours about who is better.  Let’s agree it’s you and end it there.”

“Oh my love,” he sighs, bending down to her. “Though you are wrong, I must obey if it proves to you the depth of my regard.”

“I know another way you could prove it,” she says, pulling him atop her.

--

Grey likes his name.

[being-worthy]

Saturday Home Cinema: Mulan (2020) - A very honest review!

I just had to write this review because Mulan is one of my heroes and I’m a huge fan of the original Disney Mulan (1998). I saw the movie for the first time as a kid when I had trouble feeling integrated and was daily bullied at school. I re-watched it again and again and again until I was able to learn by heart the script and all the songs in German (and later on, even in English). I just saw so much of myself in Mulan (maybe except for the fact that I’m not as beautiful or witty as she is). I too always felt out of place and I couldn’t be my true self and I was never very ladylike either. I also looked up at her and saw her as a role model. Sometimes I thought that if I stared long enough at my reflection in the mirror, it’d show me my true self - and I’m still waiting to this day… Disney’s 1998 version of Mulan was and still is my favourite Disney movie.

> SPOILER ALERT AHEAD!! <

The best thing about this movie is the soundtrack, especially at the end. Christina Aguilera was the right choice to sing Reflection and Loyal Brave True. The goosebumps her voice gives, I can’t even describe how extraordinary her voice is. In the end credits, you can listen to the English version of Reflection as well as the Chinese version (sadly sung by Liu Yifei  ¬¬). It’s worth to watch the end credits and listen to the songs.

*My suggestion: Stop whatever you’re doing. Put on some headphones (even better if they’re noise-cancelling), close your eyes, play the song Reflection song (and Loyal Brave True if you feel like it) by Christina Aguilera, no distractions no interruptions, forget about everything and everyone, let the song flow through your ears, mind, heart, body, and soul, and you will feel like you’re Mulan, especially when the drumming gets louder, it’s epically epic! (Sorry for the redundancy but it IS a remarkable song!)

I welcome the idea of wanting to take a classic and do something new, something fresh with it but humanity could’ve gone without this movie and they shouldn’t ask for $35 to watch it on Disney+ and sometimes a classical doesn’t need to be redone. Additionally, I can’t entirely understand what’s going on these past years not only with Disney but Hollywood and all other big movie production companies. It’s either remake of this classic or a 2nd/3rd sequel of a movie that doesn’t actually require a sequel but it’s still done anyway. Why even bother wasting big amounts of money to create a disaster? You’re better of donating that money to charity (or to me lol). The main thing that Disney has been doing lately are remakes of many of our childhood movies Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, Dumbo, The Jungle Book, The Lion King, among others, and now Mulan. Some have a few good parts in them but they still can’t and never will compare to the original. Why is there no originality and innovation anymore? Have they run out of ideas? Furthermore, let’s be honest people will always compare the remake (either consciously or unconsciously) with the original because there are less than a dozen movies where the remake either was (almost) as good as the original much less better than the original. The movie Mulan (2020) had a massive budget and is the most expensive film made by a female director (Niki Caro), yet how they made it, the battle sequences and CGI effects, etc. they’re all crappy.

Budgets of all Mulan interpretations:

Mulan (1998) - $90 million > Directed by Tony Bancroft and Barry Cook. Made $304.3 million in the box office

Hua Mulan (2009) - $12 million > Directed by Jingle Ma. Sadly, made only $1.8 million in the box office. It deserved more love!

Mulan (2020) - $200 million(!!) > All that budget was a waste!

I’ve seen all three versions. The 1998 version is for everybody and it’s funny and you feel with the characters and the film. Let’s be honest, the granny is one of the best characters, most of us have or had a granny like that in our lives. The 2nd one is a 2-hour long movie, a more mature adaption which illustrates the ugly harsh truth about war and the loss and death it brings with it and that there’s nothing funny or cool about it. This one is not suitable for children. You feel with the characters and their sacrifices and they also develop along the movie. I can only recommend to watch this version if you haven’t. And the latest one is a disgrace.

I’m a bit confused as to what the message of the movie is. On one hand, it tells you shouldn’t hide your inner beauty, you shouldn’t hide who you are, you shouldn’t hide your abilities, you shouldn’t try to hide who you truly are in order to conform to what the world/society wants you to be or who you should be, let your true self shine and be yourself and don’t allow anyone to tell you that you’re inferior just because they think/say you are. This is something powerful and admirable but, on the other hand, at the same time, it tells you that you can only do that if you are the chosen one. Let me explain... In the beginning, we see Mulan as a little girl chasing a chicken up to the roofs of the houses at the village where she lives. Basically, she’s born as a one-woman army (almost deus ex machina) and doesn’t require any further training which is total and utter rubbish. She has all the skills because of her powerful chi (vital life force energy) but has to underplay them because it’s not very ladylike to behave like she wants to and she still underplays them when she trains with the soldiers so as to keep a low profile. Her being so powerful from the beginning makes me feel alienated from her and I can’t empathise with her. It’s also not very realistic, nobody is born with their abilities fully developed. For example, even Bruce Lee had to train hard to get where he got and he wasn’t the only one.

The original version shows us a regular girl, at times clumsy (which is a cliché but we still liked it) and when she’s confronted with new situations, she analyses them and finds a quick canny solution to them. She also has to train her body and mind to get to the peak of her potential and accomplish what nobody else could in her time, and here the character is done from the start of the movie and the only thing she has to do is choose not to hide her chi anymore. This tells us that you don’t have to work hard to achieve your dreams whereas in reality you actually do have to work your butt off!

I’m not a fan of the leading actress they chose for Mulan, aka Liu Yifei, not only because she’s a police brutality supporter according to her controversial tweets a while back - this already makes her unworthy to portray Mulan who is the complete opposite - but also because she didn’t do a good job at depicting this great role. Mulan is a role model for every girl and woman and it’s a massive contradiction if a woman who agrees to the atrocious police methods impersonates her role. What message do we send out to every girl out in the world? In her acting she��s this blank and hollow person through the movie and transmits no emotion whatsoever - not even when she cries. This also makes it difficult for me to identify myself with her. She’s this wooden plank, she is and stays a blank canvas through the whole movie with no growth in her character and it’s frustrating having to see this because the character of Mulan isn’t at all like this. Mulan experiences many emotions from the moment where she makes the decision to enlist so her father doesn’t have to or when she experiences the loss of her comrades or has to kill someone for the first time, etc. she suffers along her journey and all this changes her but you see nothing of it in Liu Yifei’s Mulan.

In the Disney version, there are some crucial moments that are missing in the new one. For instance, the most crucial one is the moment where Mulan decides to go to war. If you remember the animation one, she’s sitting in the rain by the dragon statue and at that moment makes a decision that could kill her or worse bring dishonour to herself and her entire family (including ancestors) which was far worse than death during that time! She gets up, marches to the altar of her ancestors, takes her father’s sword and cuts her hair (I know men had long hair back then too but still), puts on the armour and goes to war. All this while being accompanied by an epic song written by Jerry Goldsmith called Haircut. This is one of the most intense and dramatic moments in the movie and in all Disney movies! You can understand and feel the importance of this decision for the character and you feel the weight of it! In the 2020 one, she takes the sword and the next shot presents her already with the armour on - there’s zero dramatic impact here. That was a great missed opportunity!! By omitting important scenes and their dramatic impacts like this one that are essential to the story and to the characters, to their development and their journey throughout the story and you really need to rely on the original from 1998 to have this context.

The battle scenes are like many modern movies: lots of action, lots of moving (too fast-moving), a few amazing fighting moves and fights but not showed entirely. I at least expected some similar quality, like we’ve seen in films such as Hero (2002), House of Flying Daggers (2004), and Tiger & Dragon (2020) to name a few. Sadly, these movies had better fight scenes quality than Mulan which were filmed in high frame rate but over-edited with action that is negatively frenetic and have artificial CGI effects (even the CGI effects in Independence Day were better - I’m watching the movie while writing this). We’re in the 21st century with great advances in technology and movies are given big budgets (particularly Hollywood films), yet despite all this, most movies end up with CGI effects from another era. How come this happens over and over? In this one, we see people running too fast, horses running too fast, and they’re all like a big mass of headless chickens and you don’t know exactly what is happening where. All this fast running, the constant cut and paste of scenes looks all too modern and doesn’t fit the current time period of the movie and it surely doesn’t transmit the way of fighting of that period. 

Moreover, we get lots of flashback-lesson learning scenes throughout the movie. This is another fashion in movies lately, playing the film in the present time while at the same time jumping back and forth between flashbacks. It spends a good portion of the movie with these flashbacks. This is not a big issue and admirable per se but when these scenes are insignificant because they’re glossed over and transmitted without zilch emotion, then why even bother to include them in the first instance?

As a last comment, I like the fact that they hired Chinese actors and actresses for the movie (although I don’t know why it had to be in English, I’d have preferred it to be in Chinese, it’s not like we’re allergic to subtitles - unless they’re not done properly), some of them of renewed name, like Gong Li, Rosalind Chao (I loved her in The Joy Luck Club), Jet Li, Donnie Yen (legendary Ip Man), Jason Scott Lee (saw him in Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story), Tzi Ma but they won’t be able to save the movie even with a great cast like this one. 

[crowdvscritic]

round up // NOVEMBER 20

Hi, I’m tired. Actually, my friend Celeste created a piece of art that puts the emphasis needed on that sentiment:

I’m very tired. November felt like it was three years and also felt like it went by in a blink and also I’m not sure where October ended and November began—how does time work like that? (I’ve yet to see Tenet, but maybe that will explain it.) But like Michael Scott, somehow I manage, and lately it’s been like this:

Late-night Etsy scrolling. Browsing beautiful, non-big-box-store artwork is very calming just before I go to bed. I’d recommend Etsy stores like Celeste’s chr paperie shop, which I know from experience is full of great Christmas gift ideas. 

Taking a day off of work to do laundry. I’m not sure if it’s more #adulting that I did that or that I was excited to do that.

Eating Ghiradelli chocolate chips straight from the bag. I actually don’t recommend this as a healthy option, but this is also not a health blog.

Watching lots and lots of ‘80s movies. One day I’ll ask a therapist why this decade of films is so comforting for me despite its many flaws, but for now I’m just rolling with it.

Reading. Have you heard of this? It’s a form of entertainment but doesn’t require screens—wild!

Memes. All good Pippin “Fool of a” Took jokes are welcome here.

Leaning into the Christmas spirit by ordering that Starbucks peppermint mocha, making plans to watch everything in that TCM Christmas book I haven’t seen, and keeping the lights on my hot pink tinsel tree on all day as I work from home.

This month’s Round Up is full of stuff that made me smile and stuff that sucked me into its world—I think they’ll do the same for you, too.

November Crowd-Pleasers

Sister Act (1992)

If in four years you aren’t in an emotional state to watch election results roll in, I recommend watching Whoopi Goldberg pretend to be a nun for 100 minutes. (Though, incidentally, if you want to watch that clip edited to specifically depict how the results came in this year, you’ll need to watch Sister Act 2.) This musical-comedy is about as feel-good as it gets, meaning there’s no reason you should wait four more years to watch it. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

Nevada Memes

Speaking of election results, Nevada memes. That’s it—that’s the tweet. Vulture has a round up of some of the best.

SNL Round Up

Laugh and enjoy!

“Cinema Classics: The Birds” (4605 with John Mulaney)

“Uncle Ben” (4606 with Dave Chappelle)

RoboCop (1987)

I’m not surprised I liked RoboCop, but I am surprised at why I liked RoboCop. Not only is this a boss action blockbuster, it’s an investigation into consumerism and the commodification of the human body. It’s also a critique of institutions that treat crime like statistics instead of actions done by people that impact people. That said, it’s also movie about a guy who’s fused with a robot and melts another guy’s face off with toxic sludge, so there’s a reason I’m not listing this under the Critic section. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10

Double Feature – ‘80s Comedies: National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983) + Major League (1989)

The ‘80s-palooza is in full swing! In Vacation (Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 8/10), Chevy Chase just wants to spend time with his family on a vacation to Wally World, but wouldn’t you know it, Murphy’s Law kicks into gear as soon as the Griswold family shifts from out of Park. The brilliance of the movie is that every one of these terrible things is plausible, but the Griswolds create the biggest problems themselves. In Major League (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6.5/10), Tom Berenger, Charlie Sheen, and Wesley Snipes are Cleveland’s last hope for a winning baseball team. Like the Griswolds, mishaps and hijinks ensue in their attempt to prevent their greedy owner from moving the Indians to Miami, but the real win is this movie totally gets baseball fans. Like most ‘80s movies, not everything in this pair has aged well, but they brought some laughs when I needed them most.

This Time Next Year by Sophie Cousens (2020)

They’re born a minute apart in the same hospital, but they don’t meet until their 30th birthday on New Year’s Day. So, yes, it’s a little bit Serendipity, and it’s a little bit sappy, but those are both marks in this book’s favor. This Time Next Year is a time-hopping rom-com with lots of almost-meet-cutes that will have you laughing, believing in romantic twists of fate, and finding hope for the new year.

Double Feature – ‘80s Angsty Teens: Teen Wolf (1985) + Uncle Buck (1989)

In the ‘80s, Hollywood finally understood the angsty teen, and this pair of comedies isn’t interested in the melodrama earlier movies like Rebel Without a Cause were depicting. (I’d recommend Rebel, but not if you want to look back on your teen years with any sense of humor.) In Teen Wolf (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 5/10), Michael J. Fox discovers he’s a werewolf.one that looks more like the kid in Jumanji than any other portrayal of a werewolf you’ve seen. It’s a plot so ‘80s and so bizarre you won’t believe this movie was greenlit.

In Uncle Buck (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7.5/10), John Candy is attempting to connect with the nieces and nephew he hasn’t seen in years, including one moody high schooler. (Plus, baby Gaby Hoffman and pre-Home Alone Macauley Culkin!) This is my second pick from one of my all-time fave filmmakers, John Hughes (along with National Lampoon’s Vacation, above), and it’s one more entry that balances heart and humor in a way only he could do. You can see where I rank this movie in Hughes’s pantheon on Letterboxd.

Lord of the Rings memes

This month on SO IT’S A SHOW?, Kyla and I revisited The Lord of the Rings, a trilogy we love almost as much as we love Gilmore Girls. You can listen to our episode about the series on your fave podcast app, and you can laugh through hundreds of memes like I did for “research” on Twitter.

Nothing to See Here by Kevin Wilson (2019)

Most adults are afraid of children’s temper tantrums, but can you imagine how terrified you’d be if they caught on fire in their fits of rage? That’s the premise of this novel, which begins when an aimless twentysomething becomes the nanny of a Tennessee politician’s twins who burst into flames when they get emotional. The book is filled with laugh-out-loud moments but never leaves behind the human emotion you need to make a magical realistic story.

An Officer and a Gentlemen (1982)

Speaking of aimless twentysomethings and emotion, feel free to laugh, cry, and swoon through this melodrama in the ‘80s canon. Richard Gere meanders his way into the Navy when he has nowhere else to go, and he tries to survive basic training, work through his family issues, and figure out his future as he also falls in love with Debra Winger. So, yeah, it’s a schamltzier version of Top Gun, but it’s schmaltz at its finest. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

November Critic Picks

Double Feature – ‘40s Amensia Romances: Random Harvest (1942) + The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (1947)

Speaking of schmaltz at its finest, let me share a few more titles fitting that description. In Random Harvest (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10), Greer Garson falls in love with a veteran who can’t remember his life before he left for war. In The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10), Gene Tierney discovers a ghost played by a crotchety Rex Harrison in her new home. Mild spoiler: Both feature amnesiac plot developments, and while amnesia has become a cliché in the long history of romance films, Harvest is moving enough and Mr. Muir is charming enough that you won’t roll your eyes. You can see these and more romances complicated by forced forgetfulness in this Letterboxd round up.

The African Queen (1951)

It’s Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn directed by John Huston—I mean, I don’t feel like I need to explain why this is a winner. Bogart (in his Oscar-winning role) and Hepburn star in a two-hander script, dominating the screen time except for a select few scenes with supporting cast. The pair fight for survival while cruising on a small boat called The African Queen during World War I (in Africa, natch), and the two make this small story feel grand and epic. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949)

A young man’s (Dennis Price) mother is disowned from their wealthy family because she marries for love. After her death, he seeks vengeance by killing all of the family members ahead of him in line to be the Duke D'Ascoyne. The twist? All of his victims are played by Sir Alec Guinness! Almost every character in this black comedy is a terrible person, so you won’t be too sorry to see them go—you can just enjoy the creative “accidents” he stages and stay in suspense on whether our “hero” gets his comeuppance. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

Bluebeard’s Eighth Wife (1937)

What would you do if you found out you were to be someone’s eighth wife? Well, it’s probably not what Claudette Colbert does in this screwball comedy that reminds me a bit of Love Crazy. This isn’t the first time I’ve recommended Colbert, Gary Cooper, or Ernst Lubitsch films, so it’s no surprise these stars and this director can make magic together in this hilarious battle of the wills. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

The Red Shoes (1948)

I love stories about the competition between your life and your art, and The Red Shoes makes that competition literal. Moira Shearer plays a ballerina who feels life is meaningless without dancing—then she falls in love. That’s an oversimplification of a rich character study and some of the most beautiful ballet on film, but I can’t do it justice in a short paragraph. Just watch (perhaps while you’re putting up your hot pink tinsel tree?) and soak in all the goodness. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 10/10

The Third Man (1949)

Everybody loves to talk about Citizen Kane, and with the release of Mank on Netflix, it’s newsworthy again. But don’t miss this other ‘40s team up of Joseph Cotten and Orson Welles. Cotten is a writer digging for the truth of his friend’s (Welles) death in a mysterious car accident. Eyewitness accounts differ on what happened, and who was the third man at the scene only one witness remembers? 71 years later, this movie is still tense, and this actor pairing is still electric. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

The Untouchables (1987)

At the end of October, we lost Sean Connery. I looked back on his career first by writing a remembrance for ZekeFilm and then by watching The Untouchables. (In a perfect world I would’ve reversed that order, but c’est la vie.) In my last selection from the ‘80s, Connery and Kevin Costner attempt to convict Robert De Niro’s Al Capone of anything that will stick and end his reign of crime in Chicago. Directed by Brian De Palma and set to an Ennio Morricone soundtrack, this film is both an exciting action flick and an artistic achievement that we literally discussed in one of my college film classes. Connery won his Oscar, and K. Cos is giving one of the best of his career, too. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9.5/10

Remember the Night (1940)

Fred MacMurray and Barbara Stanwyck in my favorite team up yet! Double Indemnity may be the bona fide classic in the canon, but this Christmas story—with MacMurray as a district attorney prosecuting shoplifter Stanwyck— is a charmer. I’ve added it to my list of must-watch Christmas movies—watch for some holiday cheer and rom-com feels. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

Photo credits: chr paperie. Books my own. All others IMDb.com.

[todorokiaimee]

Dopamine Chapter 2

Previous Chapter

The next evening, Jada walked down the bustling streets of the red light district, her large black duffle bag over her shoulder. She hummed along to the music pumping in her ears from her phone as she marked a few dance moves, earning a few looks from passersby. “The fuck are you looking at?”

When they quickly made their way past, she scoffed as she adjusted her black Tshirt dress before turning to walk around the corner. Soon she came to the back entrance of her work, nodding to the bouncer patrolling the door as she entered. 

Walking into the dressing room, she waved and said hello to the various girls inside until she laid her eyes on her best friend, Ito Sakura. She was a cute and petite woman with long soft pink hair and blue eyes. Sakura was the exact opposite of the kind of person Jada would seek out, but she was also the first person to befriend her when she had no one. 

“Thanks for covering for me last night, Sakura,” Jada said as she unpacked her bag. 

“No problem, girl. You deserved a night out.” The pink-haired woman smiled as she applied her makeup. “So how was it?”

The ravenette smiled to herself as she thought about the night she had spent with Top Pro Hero: Ground Zero. Dancing with him before he took her home. Spending the night with him underneath her as they both reached epic euphoria. “It was… fun.” I doubt she’d believe me anyway.

“You’re gonna have to do better than that, girl.” She laughed, grabbing her friend’s shoulders, shaking them. “I need details!”

“Let’s just say I was able to blow off some steam,” Jada smirked coyly as she brushed her off. “You know I can’t talk about it at work anyway.” 

“Fineee…” Sakura pouted, returning back to her makeup routine. “I was just hoping to live vicariously through you. God knows I’m not going to meet anyone worth keeping here.” 

“Not true… We get a few high dollar clients.” 

“Like who?” The pink-haired woman questioned, looking pointedly at her friend.

“Mr. Sato blew 500,000 yen in one night.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that…. He’s kinda old though. What about Mr. Suzuki? He’s cute and drops mad dough.”

Jada scoffed, rolling her eyes as she changed into a pair of impossibly short shorts and a crop top, “Mr. Suzuki also has a problem with keeping his hands to himself.” 

“But if he makes you his Mrs. then you’ll be set for life.”

“And how many girls like us have ever married high dollar clients?” The ravenette asked, crossing her arms.

“Cardi B did it!”

“Cardi actually made her own money and then got her hubby. I’m pretty sure her net worth is much more than his.” Jada clicked her tongue as she buckled a pair of 7-inch platform heels to her feet. “God I hate these shoes. I feel like a fucking horse.”

“Yeah, but the clients can’t get enough of them. Did you know once in a private room, a client asked me to step on his junk with them? Not my thing but he tipped well so whatever.” Sakura hummed, tapping her chin before shouting, “Oh I know! Amber Rose!”

“Did she actually marry Kanye or did they just date?”

“I don’t know but she was with him long enough to tell the world that he likes a finger in the booty!” The pink-haired woman giggled as she held up her little finger.

“Don’t knock it ‘til you try it, Baby!” The two friends laughed as they playfully shoved and nudged each other until a man popped his head into the dressing room. 

“Hey, Jada! You’re up in 5!” 

“Coming!” The dark-skinned beauty called as she put the finishing touches on her lipstick. As she made her way out the door the ladies in the dressing room all cheered her on, giving her playful smacks on the ass, but none were louder than her bubbly bestie.

“Pop that pussy, Mama!” Sakura cheered with a laugh. “Make that money!”

As Jada made her way onto the stage, she took a deep centering breath. She got into her opening pose in the dark as she heard the hoots and hollers from the audience surrounding the stage. 

“Alright, alright, alright!” The MC of the club said into the microphone. “As our next act gets settled in here’s another reminder that here at The Secret Garden there is no flash photography or flashing of any kind. That’s right, keep it in your pants fellas.” He chuckled as he looked over to Jada, her giving him a nod that she was ready to begin. “Without further ado please welcome back to the main stage… the exotic beauty…  with tits, ass, and legs for days…. Nubia!”

As the lights lifted, Kelis’ “Milkshake” began to bump through the club’s speakers, Jada starting her performance. She began to twerk before making her way to the single pole in the middle of the stage. Taking it in her grasp, she gave a few body rolls before launching herself around the pole, spinning with ease as she performed various tricks. The crowd cheered and threw their money onto the stage with each pole inversion, jump split, and discarded piece of clothing until her dance finally came to an end as he panted to catch her breath. (https://youtu.be/Eu8Tyr4B_EA)

After she quickly picked up her discarded clothes and tips and took them backstage, Jada made her way back onto the strip club floor. She walked around her in lingerie until a man called out to her, patting his knee. “Hey, Sweet Cheeks! Come sit on daddy’s lap.”

“You want a dance Mr.?” She smiled sweetly, walking over to him.

“I want much more than a dance but that’s a good start.”

Gross. “It’s 3,000 yen for a dance, 10,500 yen for the VIP lounge, and 27,000 yen for the Champagne Room. Plus tip.”

“Umm…” He chuckled nervously. “Just a dance out here is cool.”

Cheapskate. With a flip of her dark locs, she turned her back to him before lowering herself onto his lap. She rolled her hips against him to the pulsating music, taking her time. As she continued her ministrations the man grew more and more excited. This became even more apparent as she began to feel the hard tent forming in his pants. She sighed, trying her best to ignore it until the strange man began to grab and rub her thighs. “I know it’s very tempting but this is a no-touch club, Honey.”

“Sure, Sure.” He breathed, removing his hands.

The ravenette continued her dance, confident that he got the message. Turning around, she straddled his hips so that she was facing him, hoping that the eye contact would deter him. Unfortunately, his hands once again found his way to her skin, gripping her waist, his fingers playing with the clasp of her bra. “Hey.” She warned in a more stern voice. “Last warning.”

“Feisty! I like it.”

Jada clicked her tongue as she pried his hands off of her. The man smiled apologetically, but it didn't reach his eyes. After another deep breath, the dark-skinned beauty returned to her lap dance, rolling her hips against his lap while giving him a full view of her breasts.  

Growing impatient, the man once again laid his hands on Jada, this time harshly grabbing her ass with both hands, pushing her further into his erection, a sick smirk on his lips. “Come on, Baby you can give me more than that.” 

“I said hands off!” Jada yelled. Getting up from his lap, she drew her arm back to land a hard slap across his face, the sound of impact heard throughout the club.

“Ow!” He bellowed, jumping to his feet with his face in his hand. With his eyes filled with rage, he raised his hand as Jada instinctively flinched away, “Fuck you, Bitch!”

Jada closed her eyes, waiting for the blow that never came; instead, she heard a familiar calm deep voice that made her stomach churn just the same. 

“What seems to be the problem here?”

The ravenette opened her eyes to see the Club Owner and her boss, Yamaguchi Eizan standing by as well as a club bouncer, holding the handsy man in a chokehold. She clicked her tongue as she crossed her arms, addressing her boss. “He grabbed my ass after 2 warnings!”

“I see,” Yamaguchi hummed, his cool expression irking her further. “Tanaka, can you see this gentleman out? After he pays for his dance with a generous tip of course.” The bouncer nodded and he wrestled the man out, ignoring the client’s shouts of protest. Once they were out of earshot, Yamaguchi turned his attention back to Jada, a frown beginning to form on his lips. “Nubia, can you follow me please?”

Jada felt a pit form deep in her stomach as she followed the man into his office, instinctively covering her scantily clad body. The loud music was almost nonexistent as the door closed behind them. He sighed as he sat down behind his desk, tapping his fingers against the mahogany wood. 

He was a physically imposing man and classically beautiful. Perfectly coiffed black hair and dark brown eyes. He dressed in an expensive suit, expertly tailored. For all extensive purposes Yamaguchi Eizan was every woman’s wet dream. Jada knew better, of course. 

“What the fuck were you thinking, Jada?” He finally seethed. 

“What was I supposed to do?! He was groping me!”

“I can’t have you striking my clients.”

“So I’m just supposed to let them touch me?” She argued, only for Yamaguchi to rise from his seat, instantly shutting her up. 

“I don’t think you understand the ramifications of your actions,” He breathed as he made his way over the beauty, his frame towering over her.  “That gentleman is going to leave this club and tell his friends about his experience. He’s going to tell his friends about how a stripper slapped him for enjoying their dance. In return, his friends will not come here to relax and now that money will not be coming into the club. I don’t get paid, which means you don’t get paid. And...” He paused, taking a single loc of her hair between his thumb and forefinger, a soft smirk forming on his lips. “I know how tight money is for you these days. Keep in mind, my offer still stands to give you some relief.”

Jada fought the urge to look away, not wanting to wilt under his gaze. He was so close that she could smell the sandalwood of his aftershave, “I’m good. Thanks.”

“That’s right. You are good.” He said lowly, letting go of her hair as he stepped back, leaning against this desk. “You’ll do good to remember how good you have it here. I only ask that you dance for clients. If you were with someone else you wouldn’t be as lucky.” 

“Okay, I get it,” Jada whispered, still holding herself.

“I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

The two were then interrupted by a knock on the office door. After an acknowledgment by Yamaguchi, the bouncer entered the room and handed him a large stack of cash. “Is this from the gentleman in question?” Yamaguchi asked. The bouncer just gave a nod and left the room without a word. 

Yamaguchi hummed as he licked his fingertips before counting out the money. “That’s 8,000 yen for me…” He paused placing the stack on his desk. “And 2,000 yen for you,” He smiled as he offered the money to Jada.

“2,000? What the hell?” She protested, unfolding her arms.

“For the future revenue you just cost me with your stunt. Or would you prefer I kept it all?” He looked at her pointedly.

“Okay…” She frowned, taking the cash as she turned to leave.

“Remember, Love,” He called out as she stepped out of the room, the pounding music almost drowning out his words.  “Things could be much worse.”

Jada sighed as she closed the door behind her, making her way back onto the club floor, “Some days I’m not so sure.”

____________________________________________________________________________

The next day, Ground Zero and Red Riot were out on their daily patrols, walking through the busy Tokyo streets. The red-haired hero smiled brightly as he waved to the citizens, Bakugou holding his usual scowl. Once he was confident no one was listening in, Kirishima nudged his friend, earning his attention, “You’re lucky Mina loves you since you ditched her on her birthday.” 

“She’ll forgive me.” The blonde shrugged.

“What happened anyway? I left you at the bar and then you were gone.”

Bakugou once again thought over the happenings of two nights before. How he had bedded a mysterious woman, which he thought they both enjoyed, only for her to leave his side without so much of a care. “Long story short, I met a woman and took her home.”

“Bakugou, you dog!” Kirishima laughed as he slapped his friend on the back. “Now it all makes sense.”

 “Yeah, sure whatever…” Bakugou grumbled before rubbing his neck nervously. “Hey… Has a girl ever bolted on you right after sex?”

The red-haired man quirked a brow, surprised by his question. “You let your love interests stay over now?”

“I don’t have any fucking love interests!” He barked before asking again. “Do they ever leave right after?”

“Right after?”

“Yeah.”

“Like right right after?”

“She literally came and went.”

“Like on her own? No coaxing?”

“She hopped off my dick and got dressed to leave.”

“Damn. I can’t say I have...” Kirishima sighed, scratching his chin. Looking over to his seemingly dejected friend, he gave him a nudge. “Look maybe she just had an early appointment in the morning or something? Girls have loads of random appointments!”

“Maybe…” The blonde breathed, avoiding eye-contact with his friend.

“Or you’re just bad in bed.”

“MAN FUCK YOU, SHITTY HAIR!”

Kirishima laughed as he dodged his friend’s explosions and hardened himself to take the hits that he couldn’t avoid. “I’m kidding! You know you do the exact same thing when you have one night stands at a girl’s place.” 

Do I? Bakugou paused for a moment before scoffing, “That’s different!”

Red Riot rolled his eyes as he brushed off the soot and ash from his skin. “You said she came right?” 

“Of course she did.” The blonde smirked proudly.

“More than once? You were, you know, generous? Foreplay and stuff?”

“Nah, believe me, she was fuckin ready to go.” Bakugou chuckled as he remembered her sprawled out on his bed with her fingers deep in her heat. 

“There’s your problem bro! The ladies are all about the foreplay! You can’t get lazy and skip it. Not manly.” His friend only grunted in response but Kirishima could see the wheels turning in Bakugou’s head. “Why are you so worried about it this time anyway? You’ve always preferred one night stands. “Love is a distraction” and all.”

“I don’t know... She’s just different.” The blonde hummed before quickly recovering “And I never said anything about love!”

“Did you guys exchange numbers? Do you think she enjoyed herself enough that she’d let you take her out on a proper date?”

“Kinda...”

“Did she give you her number or did she take yours?”

“She took mine.”

Kirishima hissed in pain while he shook his head in disappointment. 

“What?” Bakugou questioned.

“That’s not a good sign bro…” He sighed.  “Mina does that when she wants to let guys down easy. She takes their numbers and then never calls.”

Ground Zero blinked up at his friend as he took in the news before a blanket of rage started to overshadow his disappointment. “Man fuck that! She’ll call! No woman can resist me! I’m a fucking catch!”

“Whatever you say, man.” Red Riot breathed as he patted his friend’s shoulder.

“You wish you could have as many women as me!”

“Dude, I’m happily engaged!” Kirishima laughed. “One woman is all I need!”***

“Shut up, Shitty Hair!”

As the pair began to get into another squabbling match out on the street, a loud ringing came from the pants pocket of the blonde hero. 

“You gonna get that?” Kirishima laughed as he blocked another explosion.

With one last growl, Ground Zero dug into his pants pocket, taking out his phone and harshly answering the call, “What is it?!”

“Well hello to you too.”

The velvety smooth voice on the other line startled the hero as he cleared his throat, this time speaking much softer. “Who is this?”

“It’s Jada. Up for round two?”

NOTES: ***This is referring to my friend’s Black OC Marina. You can find her fic here.

Chapter 3 | Masterlist

[strangeandforlornbooks]

best books with morally ambiguous narrators!

all y’all’s problematic faves and villains! :) also included are third person narrators but in books with morally ambiguous leads/themes 

Sci-fi

Scythe by Neal Shusterman: in a future free from pain, disease, and war, people can live forever. ‘scythes’ are given the power to decide who lives and who dies to preserve the balance. sad and kinda gives of hunger games vibes, if you like that.

Neuromancer by William Gibson: basically invented the cyberpunk genre. strange and removed protagonists. (a team of computer hackers have to face off against an evil AI). you kind of dislike everyone and suddenly you’re crying over them. one of those trippy sci-fi classics.

The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut: very beautiful and very very sad (same author as slaughterhouse five). the richest man in america has to face a martian invasion. more about free will and bad people doing good things than a plot that makes any kind of sense.

The Man in the High Castle by Philip K Dick: set in an alternate universe where the germans and japanese won world war two. not really like the tv show at all- it’s not an action story, and there’s not really the hope to somehow fix the world that drives a lot of dystopia stories. instead its about how people survive and connect to one another in a hopeless society.

The Scorpion Rules by Erin Bow: a supercomputer convinces the leaders of the world to keep the peace for hundreds of years by taking their children hostage and obliterating any city that disobeys. what happens to the hostage protagonists when war seems inevitable? lots of morally fraught decisions and characters slowly losing their identity. (plus a fun lesbian romance)

Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson: a brilliant mathematician and a dedicated marine fight to keep the ultra secret in world war two. fifty years later,  a tech company discovers what remains of their story. one of the most memorable sequences in the book is a japanese soldier slowly becoming disillusioned with his nation and horrified by the war even as he continues to fight.

Blade Runner by Philip K. Dick: another one of those sci-fi classics that’s not at all like the movie. there is a bounty hunter for robots, though, as well as a weird religion that probably is referencing catholicism and a decaying society with a shortage of pets. kind of a trip.

Wilder Girls by Rory Power: girls trapped in a boarding school on an isolated island must face a creeping rot that affects the animals and plants on the island as well as their own bodies. the protagonists will do anything to survive and keep each other safe. very tense (and bonus lesbian romance whoo)

The Fifth Season by N K Jemisin: three women are gifted with the ability to control the earth’s energy in a world where those who can do so are forced into hiding or slavery. some veryyyy dark choices here but lots of strong female characters.

Historical Fiction

Fingersmith by Sarah Waters: two victorian lesbians fall in love as they plot to betray each other in horrific ways. lots of plot twists, plucky thieves, gothic settings, and a great romance.

Quo Vadis by Henryk Sienkiwicz: a powerful roman soldier in the time of Nero plots to kidnap a young woman after he falls in love with her, only to learn more about the mysterious christian religion she follows. very melodramatic but some terrific prose. 

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr: a blind girl in France and a brilliant German boy recruited by the military struggle through the chaos of the second world war. ends with a bang (iykyk.) very sad, reads like poetry.

Boxers by Gene Luen Yang: graphic novel reveals the story of a young boy fighting in the boxer rebellion in early twentieth century china. the sequel, saints, is also excellent. beautifully and sympathetically shows the protagonist’s descent into evil- the reader really understands each step along the way.

Fantasy

Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake: three triplets separated at birth, each with their own magical powers, have to fight to the death to gain the throne. lots of fun honestly

Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo: everyone in these books is highly problematic but you love them all anyway. a ragtag game of criminals plan a heist on a magical fortress. some terrific tragic back stories, repressed feelings, and revenge schemes.

The Dark Tower series by Stephen King: idk how to describe these frankly but if you can put up with King’s appalling writing of female characters they’re pretty interesting. fantasy epic about saving the world/universe, sort of. cowboys and prophecies and overlapping dimensions and drug addicts galore.

The Amulet of Samarkand by Jonathan Stroud: lots of fun! a twelve year old decides to summon a demon for his cute lil revenge scheme. sarcastic demon narrator. lighthearted until s*** gets real suddenly.

Elegy and Swansong by Vale Aida: fantasy epic with machiavellian lesbians and enemies to lovers to enemies to ??? to lovers. charming and exciting and lovely characters.

The False Prince by Jennifer Nielsen: an orphan boy must compete with a few others for the chance to impersonate a dead prince. really dark but very tense and exciting and good twists.

The Grace of Kings by Ken Liu: fantasy epic. heroes overthrow an evil empire and then struggle as the revolution dissolves into warring factions. interesting world building and three dimensional characters, even if they only have a small part.

Circe by Madeline Miller: the story behind the witch who turns men into pigs in the odyssey. madeline miller really said, i just used my classics degree to write a beautiful gay love story and now im going to write a powerful feminist retelling because i can. queen. an amazing and satisfying book that kills me a lil bit because of the two lines referencing the song of achilles.

Heartless by Marissa Meyer: the tragic backstory for the queen of hearts in alice in wonderland. a little predictable but very fun with a compelling protagonist

A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) by George RR Martin: ok I know we all hate GRRM and rightfully so but admittedly these books do have some great characters and great scenes. they deserve better than GRRM though. also he will probably never finish the books anyway....

A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket: not really fantasy but not really anything else either. plucky, intelligent, and kind children fight off evil plots for thirteen books until suddenly you realize the world is not nearly as black and white as you thought. 

Classics

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier: gothic romance!! a new wife is curious about the mysterious death of her predecessor in a creepy old house in the British countryside...good twists and lovely prose.

A Separate Peace by John Knowles: not really morally ambiguous but one awful decision suddenly has awful consequences and certain people are haunted by guilt forever.... really really really beautiful and really really really sad. boys in a boarding school grow up together under the shadow of world war two.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy: while imperial russia slowly decays a beautiful young woman begins a destructive affair. a long book. very russian. the ending is incredibly tense and well written.

Lord of the Flies by William Golding: I think you know the plot to this one. the prose is better than you remember and the last scene is always exciting.

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie: one by one, the guests on an island are slowly picked off. one of Christie’s darkest mysteries- no happy ending here! very tense and great twists.

Contemporary

The Secret History by Donna Tartt: inspired the whole dark academia aesthetic. college students get a little too into ancient greece and it does not end very well. lovely prose but I found the characters unlikable.

Honorable Mentions

The Dublin Saga by Edward Rutherford: has literally a billion protagonists, but some of them are morally ambiguous ig? follows a few families stories’ from the 400s ad to irish independence in the 20s. beautifully captures the weight and movement of irish history.

Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer: how morally ambiguous can you be if you’re, like, eleven? a lot if you’re a criminal genius who wants to kidnap a fairy for your evil-ish plan apparently!

Redemption by Leon Uris: literally my favorite novel ever. the sequel to Trinity but can stand alone. various irish families struggle through the horrors of world war one. the hero isn’t really morally ambiguous, but the main theme of the novel is extremely bad people suddenly questioning their choices and eventually redeeming themselves. sweeping themes of love, screwed up families, redemption, and patriotism.

The Lymond Chronicles and House of Niccolo by Dorothy Dunnett: heroes redeem themselves/try to get rich/try to save their country in early renaissance Europe. if I actually knew what happened in these books I'm sure it would be morally ambiguous but its too confusing for me. in each book you spend at least a third convinced the protagonist is evil, though. lots of exciting sword fights, tragic romances, plot twists, and kicking english butt.

Bonus: Protagonist is less morally ambiguous and more very screwed up and sad all the time

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt: you know this one bc its quoted in all those quote compilations. basically the story of how one horrible event traumatizes a young man and how he develops a connection to a painting. really really really good.

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro: hard to describe but strange... not an action novel or a dystopia really but sort of along those lines. very hopeless.

[freakygirlie]

Walker- 1x04 ~spoilers~

I know i’ve said this a dozen times...but Walker just keeps getting better and better and better! With every. single. episode. I loved everything about this episode so much and again! Jared live-tweeting it was the best!!! I watched this episode at 3 am lats night again help.

~spoilers~ last warning!!!

OK SO CRDIREZ BEAUTY EPISODE!!! YES! I loved loved loved loved the development of their friendship in this episode SO MUCH! 

First scene Cordirez and them badass rangers catching bad guys together YES!!! Walker trying to find out Micki’s middle name is so cute pls. 

I really enjoyed the case they worked here as well. It was both deep and emotional and that twist! YEPPPP SIGN ME UP.

THE BAR SCENE WITH WALKER AND MICKI. AGAIN THEIR FRIENDSHIP! The episode title fit so well here and I’m glad Micki and Walker have really reached a good understanding on a friend and partner level. THEY\RE THE CUTEST PLEASE I LOVE THEM. 

‘‘walker where’s my drink’‘ ok every word micki and cordell exchanged with each other was the best??? 

WALKER AND HIS KIDS AND BROTHER UNPACKING TOGETHER!!! I asolutely adore their relatioship. AUGUST IN THAT BLUE HAIR AND SUNGLASSES DHJHHF AUGUST I FUCKING LOVE YOU CAN I ADOPT YOU.

I really adored the tiny exchange between Stella and Walker. Speaks volumes of how much they’ve progressed since the pilot. Walker and Stella’s dynamic I ADORE so seeing them at really good terms is just beautiful.

Annnddd now August is being the rebellious kid. 

I’m glad they brought up Belle’s case here as well bc i thought they’d completely overshadowed it. STELLA AND BELLE ARE SO CUTE! I WANT SO MUCH MORE OF THEM

OK NOW IK I SHIP CORDIREZ TOO BUT I SHIP TRICKI TOO. GOD.

They are so so so CUTE WITH EACH OTHER AND TREY IS JUST THE BEST I LOVE HIMMMM. 

Micki is such an epic artist??? HOLY SHIT GIRL HOW MUCH TALENT DO YOU HAVE HIDDEN IN THERE.

Micki and Walker working the case ‘off the books’! YES PARTNERS IN CRIME. or well soving crime. i didn’t like monty shaw too much anyways...idk bad vibes. WALKER DEFENDING MICKI AND SAYING SHE CAN FEND FOR HERSELF. I COMBUSTED.

THE CORPSE LADY WAS THE SAME ONE FROM SUPERNATURAL’S NIGHTMARE 1X14. HOLY SHIT.

*sigh* The Harlan Family. Classic Rich People.

‘‘can we keep this one off the books’‘ ‘��OFF THE BOOKS???’‘ ‘‘are you kidding me off the books is my middle name. Just kidding it’s Beauregard what’s yours’‘ HHAHAH NICE TRY WALKER I LAUGHED SO HARD THEY’RE ADORABLE.

Cordell Beauregard Walker- such a fucking handful!

THE INTERROGATION SCENE. WHEN THAT GIRL WINKED AT WALKER AND HE JUST FLINCHED AND TURNED AROUND LMAO. WALKER WHAT HAVENT U HAD PPL HIT ON U BEFORE.

‘‘You got it ranger rick!’‘ PLSJJCDDFJFD. ‘‘that was so satisfying’‘ same micki same.

‘MICHELLE FLORIANA’‘ WOW??? I LOVE IT.

ALSO MUSKRAT! ADORABLE SO ADORABLE I WANT CORDELL TO CALL MICKI MUSKRAT ALL THE DAMN TIME.

‘‘on a scale from micki to muskrat where am i’‘ ‘‘floriana’‘ THAT LOOK THO.  HSHSHSHS DONT WORRY WALKER YOU’LL GET THERE.

-I love how this show is really taking the time to address the difficulties someone like Micki- A Female Latina would go through- the sexism, blatant disrespect and disregard. Micki’s character is also something that’s very well written and acted(Lindsey ily) and portrayed extremely well. One of my favorite things about Walker is how he really trusts Micki, views her as an equal, and wants to earn her trust, not demand it. It’s perfect(cordirez breakdown time). Micki is also slowly letting her fences down around him and it’s a huge and very delightful to see step. I love and adore their friendship and chemistry so much. 

MICKI SPEAKING IN SPANISH IS AN OFFICIAL TURN ON FOR ME BYE.

ALL OF THEM SOLVING THE CASE TOGETHER!!! NOT JUST CORDIREZ BUT TREY TOO! WALKER AND TREY MEETING TOGETHER WHEN.

Trey is such an amazing boyfriend truly! THE TOWEL ON HIS SHOULDERS DJSFDJFD AND AH THE COMIC MICKI DREW??/ ADORABLE. Also love how encouraging and supportive Trey is. The men in this show are the best.

LIAM AND WALKER SCENE. I love their dynamic too and i wanna see moreee. Also more micki and liam scenes yes please.

‘‘thanks brother very supportive’‘ i sobbed when he called him brother. i just. *screams*

Ok so Abby and Bonham really had a bad falling out huh. Abby was in an affair with someone who still misses her??? Damn, can’t wait to see how this one progresses. ALSO WALKER FINDING THAT LETTER FROM GARY TO ABBY IN THE BASEMENT I FREAKEDDD,

THE ADDRESS. ON THE LETTER. IS THE SAME. AS THE LOCATION. OF JENSEN’S BREWERY. THE SAME BREWERY. WHO’S FIRST KEG OF BEER. WAS GIVEN TO JARED. BY JENSEN. ON HIS BIRTHDAY. HELP. HELP. HELP. NOT ME HAVING A J2 BREAKDOWN IN THE MIDST OF A WALKER EP AT 5 AM IN THE MORNING.

Aight so August and Ruby is a biG NO OK. Like idk idk idk just idk.

WALKER HAD AN AFFAIR(after emily so ok but still) WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHILE UNDERCOVER??? WAS IT JUST UNDERCOVER OR REAL??? I NEED ANSWERS STAT.

THE PHONE THAT WALKER HAD. ONE OF THE CONTACTS WAS WINCHESTER AUTO. W I N C H E S T E R  A U T O. Jensen coming to the show owning this shop and Walker going to him to get his car fixed when Jared Padalecki.

MICKI AND CORDELL(AND TREY!) SOLVING THE CASE TOGETHER!!!

‘‘micki gives a play by play of the security footage’‘ ‘‘we’re watching the same thing micki’‘ *bitchface* PLS I LOVE THEM.

Holy shit Mrs. Harlan having an affair with Monty??? ENZO BEING BOB’S SON??? HOT DAMN THE CASE CONTINUES. Again. LOVE THE WORK/FAMILY BALANCE.

OK OK SO THE SCENE IN WHICH MICKI AND WALKER CONFRONT SHAW AND THE LOOKS THEY GIVE EACH OTHER BEFORE MICKI GETS IN THE CAR WITH SHAW WHEN THE MUSIC STARTS PLAYING!!! YES. YES. MY SOULFOOD.

I loved the way they worked it out. Phonecall, recording everything, THEM PARTNERING AND WORKING IT OUT SO BEAUTIFULLY I NEED SO MANY MORE CORDIREZ CENTRIC EPS YALL DONT EVEN KNOW.

‘‘walker! bulldog it!!’‘ HSHJDSHDSJ YES.

PLS I SCREAMED WHEN SHAW PULLED THE GUN ON MICKI.

BUT SHE IS SUCH A FUCKING QUEEN BADASS I LOVE HER.

Success!!!! The Micki and Walker and Larry scene at the end was so cute! I like how they’re actually invested in their jobs and want to do good it’s so heartwarming.

WALKER CALLING TREY TO FIND OUT MICKI’S FAV THINGS!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! Also I genuinely love that Trey wasn’t weirded out by it or jealous or anything.  Can’t wait to see them interact I NEED IT!.

‘‘thanks for believing in me’‘ ‘‘i didnt. i trusted you.’’ HELP STOP MY FEELS.

‘‘thanks beau’‘ don’t mention it flor’‘ I DIED I DIED I DIED. MICKI AND WALKER I LOVE YOU. JKSJD MICKI WARMING UP TO THE MIDDLE NAME. THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS THE BEST.

That last scene with Walker and his mom was so touching. Walker’s relationship with his parents is so sweet. His mom hugging him and comforting him when Walker said he missed emily so much *cries* I just wanna hold him please. 

August being worried for his father’s happiness I JUST. YOU SWEET BOY. I really think messaging Twyla was a baaaaddd move though.

WALKER AND AUGUST SELFIE. The way Walker so easily just picked his son and brought him to him, made him family photographer and that scene. THE BEST. 

I genuinely don’t think anything happened between Twyla and Walker. But we’ll have to see.

oKAY SO. Captain James??? It’s just an on and off thing. Do I trust him? Do i don’t? Why did he take those surveillance vids out??? I trust Liam with it and i’m glad he’s looking into it and all. Hopefully it doesn’t backfire badly. I have a very bad feeling that James had something to do with Emily’s death.

THAT STELLA AND BELLE INTERACTION. SO CUTE. Stella giving that jar of jame to try and make up and Belle being all cute and funny I love them. For a sec i was so scared Belle might yell at her but I’m very happy to see that they’re going strong despite all the circumstances- Belle’s parent’s deportation.

ALSO TREVOR IS SO HOT??? I like him and Stella they’re cute. Stella so obviously has a huge crush on him and they ride horses so well together. HHAHAHAH THAT DANCE STELLA DID WHEN HE FOLLOWED HER ON INSTA. SO RELATABLE.

The last Tricki scene mY HEART. ‘’you wanted a hero so you drew one. then you became one’’ Micki is going to be such an inspiration I love her. And the way they interacted, Trey getting a job!!! And Micki’s excitement, THEIR HUG!!! ‘’hugging is one of my superpowers’’ TREY BARNETT I LOVE YOU.

THAT LAST SCENE WHY LEAVE IT LIKE THIS. WHAT IS HAPPENING WHY DOES WALKER OR DUKE APPARENTLY HAVE TO GO BACK.

Anyways! As you can see the entire episode was so enjoyable and I loved it. The best part of this was definitely the Cordirez friendship development and i cannot wait to see where it goes from here!

Speculation/Thoughts for Episode 5:- So it’s for sure that Walker is going back undercover as Duke who’s a baseball...person? Idk he was wearing a baseball hat so :) Walker’s past is now very much mixed in with his present and I AM SCARED. What he’s doing is yet to be revealed but Tywla is coming back and that will just. mess. things. up. The scene in which Walker is yelling at August GOD SO NOT READY FOR THAT. It feels like him and his kids might go back to how they were before. I really don’t want that to happen. Also why am I expecting a major cliffhanger. 

HEY BUT THERE’S SHIRTLESS WALKER AND! MICKI RIDING THAT MECHANICAL HORSE IN A BAR OR SMTH AND MORE INSIGHT INTO WHAT TREY IS DOING SO IM VERY EXCITED ABOUT THAT.

And it’s going on hiatus. Idk how to deal with that. :(

[wizardysseus]

@veliseraptor replied to your post “if you think i’m an insufferable odysseus liker now, imagine if homer…”

tell me how people talk about book 5 wrongly please

there two things in particular i want to hit on.

(1) calypso’s speech to hermes

when hermes comes to tell calypso to let odysseus sail back to ithaca, she rails at the double standard of male gods separating goddesses from their human lovers. and readers love it. twitter loves it, emily wilson seems to love it, freshman english majors in my classic lit class loved it.

“You cruel, jealous gods! You bear a grudge whenever any goddess takes a man to sleep with as a lover in her bed... So now, you male gods are upset with me for living with a man. A man I saved! ... I cared for him and loved him, and I vowed to set him free from time and death forever.” (5.118-20,129-130,135-7, tr. wilson)

i’m going to bounce translations a bit, because i have, uh (checks notes) three on hand; wilson emphasizes the gendered double standard most. and... yeah, i get why everybody wants to talk about it. the odyssey is chock full not only of those double standards, but of female characters speaking for themselves (especially relative to, say, the iliad). but it drives me up the wall when people talk about how persuasive or sympathetic calypso’s speech is and refuse to acknowledge one sort of incredibly crucial detail --- that the thing calypso is arguing for is her right to own a human man.

by the time we meet odysseus, he’s been on ogygia for seven years and wants very much to go home. here’s wilson again:

She found him on the shore. His eyes were always tearful; he wept sweet life away, in longing to go back home, since she no longer pleased him. He had no choice. He spent nights with her inside her hollow cave, not wanting her though she still wanted him. By day he sat out on the rocky beach, in tears and grief, staring in heartbreak at the fruitless sea. (149-158)

and my other translations, just for fun!

fitzgerald:

[She] went to find Odysseus in his stone seat to seaward---tear on tear brimming his eyes. The sweet days of his life time were running out in anguish over his exile, for long ago the nymph had ceased to please. Though he fought shy of her and her desire, he lay with her each night, for she compelled him. But when day came he sat on the rocky shore and broke his own heart groaning, with eyes wet scanning the bare horizon of the sea. (158-66)

fagles:

[She] found him there on the headland, sitting, still, weeping, his eyes never dry, his sweet life flowing away with the tears he wept for his foiled journey home, since the nymph no longer pleased. In the nights, true, he’d sleep with her in the arching cave---he had no choice--- unwilling lover alongside lover all too willing... But all his days he’d sit on the rocks and beaches, wrenching his heart with sobs and groans of anguish, gazing out over the barren sea through blinding tears. (165-175)

this isn’t odysseus retelling his story --- it’s the narrator, who is at least arguably more reliable. (spark notes, which i occasionally consult because i forget what chapters things happen in, says that odysseus is “sulking,” which, wow.) 

when calypso says he can leave, his response is wary at best. in each of these translations, he meets her news with a shudder, accuses her of plotting against him, and exacts an oath from her not to harm him. “Goddess, you have some other scheme in mind, / not my safe passage” in wilson (172-3), “Surely you’re plotting / something else, goddess” in fagles (192-3), and in fitzgerald:

“After these years, a helping hand? O goddess, what guile is hidden here? … I take no raft you grudge me out to sea. Or yield me first a great oath, if I do, to work no more enchantment to my harm.” (183-4,188-90)

it massively weirds me out that i regularly find people online who characterize odysseus as swanning around the mediterranean having sexy fun times. (there’s also circe, and it’s interesting that odysseus refuses to sleep with her until she swears a similar oath not to harm him. but i’m talking about book 5, when odysseus is several years older and much more desperate.) this is not a happy guy!

your mileage may vary as to how sympathetic you find odysseus in all of this. i like odysseus because i like Terrible Con Men Who Are Very Sad And Cry A Lot. but of course, we meet a lot of other characters in the poem who are in just as bad a way, if not worse. most of them get neither the freedom odysseus does, nor the same compassion from the narrator, the gods, and odysseus himself --- most notably, the twelve slave women he and telemachus hang at the end of book 22. if we’re going to talk about double standards, surely that deserves attention.

and yet! and yet. none of that changes the fact that odysseus wants to go home (his most, if not only, sympathetic trait), and calypso won’t let him. 

calypso is interesting! her speech has ramifications for the rest of the epic, for sure! i just wish more people could talk about it without sounding like calypso effectively utilized girl power by keeping odysseus as a sex slave for seven years.

(2) odysseus’ response when calypso offers him immortality

calypso gives odysseus permission to build a raft. but before he begins work on it, she tries to change his mind, even offering him immortality... and odysseus wants nothing to do with it. 

So Odysseus, with tact, said, “Do not be enraged at me, great goddess. You are quite right. I know my modest wife Penelope could never match your beauty. She is a human; you are deathless, ageless. But even so, I want to go back home, and every day I hope that day will come. If some god strikes me on the wine-dark sea, I will endure it. By now I am used to suffering---I have gone through so much, at sea and in the war. Let this come too.” (215-24, wilson)

wilson calls him tactful, fagles “worldly,” and fitzgerald “the strategist”; in each of these translations, he couches the rejection with a plea not to be angry with him. and yet... people want to pretend like what he says is how he actually feels about penelope? give me a break.

(granted, i see this take less often than the one above. but it still irks me! i’m irked!)

he finally has the chance to go home, and a goddess who has held him captive makes a last-ditch effort to insult his wife to convince him to stay, and you think that’s the moment odysseus is going to choose to be sincere?

like, this is what wilson has to say about it in her introduction: 

Why exactly does Odysseus make this surprising choice? The poem never gives us an explicit answer---an omission that makes the hero’s yearning for home all the more resonant and moving.

YEAH, WHAT A MYSTERY.

odysseus’ entire Thing is that he isn’t straightforward. you don’t have to like him and you certainly don’t have to feel sorry for him. but --- of all the flaws and questionable-at-best decisions you could choose to pick apart! --- i strongly object to this idea that odysseus’ motives and actions in book 5 don’t make sense. just because, what, you think he should have stayed with calypso? you don’t buy that he loves penelope? come the fuck on. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: if you don’t read odysseus’ identity as absolutely rooted with his home and wife and son, no wonder the poem falls apart.