#shes just a little old lady and needs some help with ikea furniture

[spybiote]

❛ I've brought you all here today because you are the world's best superheroes, and I've just bought a shit ton of flat-packed furniture from ikea. Avengers assemble. ❜

[tumorhead]

RIP Piper the Cat, 2006-2024

Life details below

This is the first cat that I've been the one to care for that has died, and the first cat in general I'd been around for the death of. She died simply from old age, so she wasn't in distress at the end, just getting sleepy and slow. She had been quickly deteriorating for several days and had stopped eating (I have been crying SOOO much) and we finally called the mobile vet so she could be put to sleep, and she went peacefully at home in my arms. These last few days she got to enjoy lots of outside time in the summer sun lying in the cool grass- all off her leash too since her mobility was so reduced. She got to be around a bunch of our friends all weekend too- she loved to be near everyone.

We got her 10 years ago when we had a "friend" move in - he had been neglecting her badly (I was SO PISSED at him!!) so when he left we kept her. She was underweight and had permanent nerve damage in her ears from untreated ear mites, as well as kidney issues. I was able to fatten her up and get her into good health. But in the last few years she's been properly elderly (she got thin, started losing her ability to jump) and we knew her time would be soon.

She had the smarts and the stealth of a high level rogue. Her black color made her impossible to see in the dark, and she knew when to wait patiently for an opportunity (to escape or steal food). Often though this just meant she got stepped on (dammit Piper!!). She escaped 2 times right when her previous owner left, a few days each time. She found her way back 🙌 Recently she got out for a few hours and I only found out when I heard her meowing from OUTSIDE. babygirl you coulda gotten hurt 😭

She loved boxes and would get into empty ones immediately. When she was younger she was a renowned shoulder cat. She used to be able to jump from the floor to my husband's shoulders (a good 6 feet). She'd try to get on your shoulders any chance she got, like if you bent over. As she aged she slowly lost her jumping ability which was so sad to see, we got her some step stools and were helping her up a lot.

Our other cats, half her age, had differing opinions- Mo the boy would be sweet on her and play with her very gently (he's huge and muscular and she was always small and frail but he knew to not wrestle her). Piper would chase him around in return. (in March we were building Ikea furniture and Piper got so hyped at the fun boxes that she BODYSLAMMED Mo it was so funny). Mo is gonna be sad about Piper being gone.

Sweatpants, Mo's sister, HATED Piper. She took 5 years to tolerate being anywhere close to her, lots of hissing and smacking. Rude at the old lady!! At the end though she left Piper alone at least.

Piper was the only cat I've ever had that LOVED being held especially in the winter. One time I strained my shoulders because I held her for 2 hours. She would beg to be picked up. She would get in your lap and would even lay on my husband's arms while he was actively using his computer. She didn't care that you needed your arms to do stuff.

She liked to sleep in a box on my desk while I worked. I crocheted her a little wool blanket for her box with my scrap blanket yarn (pictured above). She is now buried in it 💔. She liked to look at art (????).

She was very social and loved to hang out with everyone. She would yowl and bring toys trying to get us to come out of hiding if she thought people were gone. Usually we were just SLEEPING though, lol she was soooo loud.

She was almost entirely fearless. Barring street traffic and going to weird places she gave 0 fucks. She used to be an indoor/outdoor cat so she got bored stuck inside our house. In her search for new stimuli she would get into the middle of EVERYTHING you were doing. Doesn't matter if you were actively using power tools or moving heavy furniture - she would get in the way. She didn't even mind the vacuum! When my other cats ran away in fear of sounds or whatever she wouldn't budge. Couldn't be bothered.

A few years ago I got her trained on a harness and leash to let her get outside again. She begrudged the harness but took to it immediately anyway and loved it. She would CONSTANTLY beg to go outside. She begrudged the boundaries (no you can't go in the woodchuck hole, no you can't stick your nose in the cactus, no its below freezing outside today) but she loved chasing chipmunks and eating grass (was very fond of the prairie dropseed in particular). I am so happy that she departed during warm weather- I was worried she'd go in winter and not get to enjoy one last springtime.

She would only eat ONE kind of dry cat food even though wet food was always also available. We eventually found out she loves milkfat and grease so she got lots of treats of butter & cheese & hamburger & bacon. Because she was so thin these the last few years it helped keep weight on her. she CAN haz cheezburger! This made her even more annoying about getting into people food lol.

In November our friend moved in with us because she was dealing with a nasty divorce and got kicked out of her condo. She moved into our spare room, which was Piper's little exclusive territory. Luckily my friend likes cats and accepted her "roommate". She immediately doated on her soooo much. She got Piper special healthy treats and they became best friends- Piper even put on some weight from the treats! (We found the "too many treats" limit at one point lol). I'm so glad Piper got even more attention in her last few months. (When my friend paid attention to the other cats she felt like she was "cheating on Piper"). My friend saw a lot of herself in the cat. She has helped me a ton in dealing with Piper's last days and I appreciate it so much. My friend even said she wished she'd moved in sooner to have gotten more time with the cat.

Piper was disgusting, she puked up grass often, she was LOUD (she'd meow for things and if she didn't think you heard her she'd look you in the eye and yell louder), she'd find things to rattle (food dish, door) to demand food. She would escape into the basement (not allowed!) and get into the crawlspace and come back covered in spiderwebs. She'd yowl sooooo much at night, the most annoying. She'd get into food left out. She was an obnoxious little gremlin !!! and we loved her anyway.

I knew when we took her in that she'd be the one to teach me about death, as I am an unexperienced idiot when it comes to that. Putting her in the ground felt so weird and hurt so much, but now I know about that sort of thing. I am thankful for that, and that I got to take care of her and give her a spoiled, pampered, comfortable life. I am thankful that I was able to see her go peacefully, and that she trusted us with her final days.

I have buried her in our yard in one of my perennial flower beds, under the big beech tree. She will live on with us through the garden, becoming flowers and trees, which I think is the best kind of afterlife. That way it feels like she's still with us. I am glad she has impacted several other people and we are all crying about her. Thank you Piper for coming into my life. Everyone loved you so much. Rest in peace old lady. I love you.

[leconcombrerit]

I remember working as a retail intern at Ikea, helping people design their kitchen on the computers.

I especially remember the anti-Karen I helped once. After spending quite a bit of time helping her, she asked to see my manager. I had just started out a few weeks earlier, and let me tell you I got so scared hearing those words. I told her my manager wasn’t here but that if she had something to say, an older colleague was in charge of us interns. She went to him (I was basically dying inside), and told him that I had done tremendously good work, and that she wished he told that to the manager. It was so kind. 

I also remember the young man who, upon learning I was an intern, asked me what stuff I still had trouble doing and asked for just that. We both knew he had no intention of buying that plain stone, super expensive custom-made tabletop. But he thought it would be a good occasion for me to practice with no pressure. He let me take all the time I needed to get it right. That was nice.

The old lady I helped twice, and who wanted to add some details and order her furniture in a month or so ; when I told her I wished her well because my internship would be over by then, she seriously considered rushing a little because she wanted to keep working with me. It was nice.

The three 30ish friends who worked at some factory for what I know to be low wages, that I helped for two hours with some complicated kitchen layout. They wanted to give me a tip, even though tips are far from common in France, let alone in Ikea. I refused because it was against the rules. They insisted I was barely paid and did great work. Still no. They gave me some papers back, and I found 10 euros inbetween the pages. 

The lady who also wanted to give a tip -and let me know that I should check the third drawer in the exposition kitchen. I found 20 euros there. 

The woman who thanked me for making her very shy teenage daughter laugh to tears while working on their kitchen plan. 

Wherever those people are now, I hope they’re well. Be kind to retail workers. It may not be much to you, but I can assure you we do remember those things even seven years later. This is just so important. 

[constancelaufeydottir]

𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐝

Pairing: Neighbour!Bucky x reader

Warnings: Mentions of knife, blood, cursing, murder, mention of cannibalism, dark!Bucky(?), major character death, slight smut, fluff.

Summary: Bucky set his eyes on his sweet and cute neighbour who had suffered from a loss recently, determined to make her his.

Word count: 4.3k

a/n: This is my entry for @ambrosiase hotel indigo writing challenge. It’s my first ever writing challenge, and I had a lot of fun writing this! Honestly, I'm really grateful for this challenge because it motivates me to finish this wip that has been sitting in the draft for too long. Thank you for this lovely challenge mae ♡♡

Not beta’d, all mistakes are my own. If you see any mistakes, do let me know!

Room ⥤ Modern muse

Room service ⥤ neighbour + criminal

“Oh that poor thing.”

Bucky whipped his head in the direction of the voice. It was Mrs. Lockwood, his neighbour on the right.

“Huh?” He didn’t mean to voice out his confusion, but his brain was somewhat short-circuited, barely able to function when his sight was filled with you, and you only.

“That sweet girl over there,” Mrs. Lockwood was referring to you, his sweet neighbour to the left he was staring at, before the old lady came interrupting.

He had been staring for 5, 10 minutes maybe? He swore he wasn’t a pervert, you were just a sight for sore eyes, the healer of the wounds in his soul.

“What about y/n?” He asked, curious to listen to what his neighbour would say about the other neighbour. Also, he was fairly new to the neighbourhood, having just moved in last month, he ought to catch up with the gossip.

“Her boyfriend went missing a few months back, poor girl was devastated. Police suspected it was murder, even suspected y/n!” The old lady shook her head, casting pitying glances at the oblivious girl in the sundress, bathing under the sun with a book in her hand. “She’s such a sweet girl, how could they have suspected her?”

Bucky glanced at you, heart racing when you caught him looking. You shyly waved at him, a small smile plastered on your face hiding the underlying sadness of the loss of your loved one. His hand felt clammy when he raised one of them to wave back, his usual flirty self vanished whenever you were involved in the equation.

“Boy, you are in love aren’t ya,” Mrs. Lockwood teased, “I say go for it. Our lovely y/n definitely needs some lovin’ after what she’d been through and young man, I think you are the right person.” Her eyes crinkled as she patted Bucky encouragingly on the shoulder, like a loving mother cheering up her son.

Bucky, who was usually composed, blushed furiously. That big brain of his still hadn’t regained its functions thus he found himself unable to stop Mrs. Lockwood when she hollered at you.

Clearly immersed in your book, you jumped a little when you heard your name being called.

“Y/n, this young man would love to take you out on a date, what d’ya say?” His eyes widened at the accusation, though it was true that he wanted to date you, he just needed time to gather the guts to ask you out.

He saw you put down your book, walking towards him and Mrs. Lockwood. You were a front yard away from him, shielding the harsh sunlight from your eyes with your hands while leaning onto the fence.

“I’d love to,” you had to speak louder, and Bucky loved your voice as he only heard it only a handful of times now, often you were shy and quiet when you saw him.

“U-uhm, how about Saturday then,” He stuttered like a teenage boy who first received a love letter, suddenly forgetting how to speak, speech lost in the sea of disbelief and excitement, and affection.

You said nothing, only nodding and smiling at him, flashing those pearly whites.

“Great. 6pm. I’ll pick you up,”

“See you soon, James.” He watched as you walked away, a teasing smile on your face before you disappeared into the door. Gosh how he loved the way his name sounded on your lips, and he’d give anything to hear it again, and again.

Saturday came too soon, Bucky was not prepared at all. Well, he had done the reservations for the restaurant he’d planned to bring you to tonight, ironed out the creases and wiped off the non-existent dust on the dress shirt he would be wearing, so why was he nervous?

5:50 pm.

Call him old-fashioned or whatever, he’d prefer early to late and would love to escort you to his car. He stood in front of your porch, palm sweating and if his metal arm could secrete sweats, he was pretty sure it would end up like its counterpart.

You opened the door as soon as he rapped his knuckles on the wooden door, seeming eagerly waiting for him as he was for you.

He took in your outfit, the moderately revealing dress he liked, the one he saw you undress from, through his window countless times.

If it was possible to fall into a deeper love, he would.

The date couldn’t possibly be better than he imagined, it was perfect. Everything was great; the atmosphere of the restaurant, the quality of the food, and most importantly, you.

You were shy at first but opened up fairly quickly, telling him stories about you, and vice versa. You sympathized with him when he told you how he got the metal arm, your fingers grazing the delicate and intricate loops and lines on the metal surface.

His fingers were woven into yours halfway into the dinner, the cool metal fingers of his absently caressing your knuckles as you shared the story about your family, who disappeared mysteriously, then your ex-boyfriend, who went missing 5 months ago, like your family.

It was hard, talking about missing loved ones. Bucky could tell, by the way your hand unconsciously tightened, the lingering sadness in your eyes as you mentioned how happy you were before him. The way your tears were brimming in your eyes, threatening to glide down your face, it wrenched his heart, seeing how broken you were. He would try to pick up every broken piece of you in a heartbeat, mending them back together, fixing you until you were happy again if you would let him in.

He was kind of glad your ex-boyfriend was out of the picture, though it was a selfish thing to say. He desperately wanted to claim you, wanted to be your last and only boyfriend.

He’d been going on dates with you for a few months now. You were perfect, almost too perfect if he would say. You were practically his dream girl, so kind and generous. So sweet and loving. Pretty much everybody in this neighbourhood would agree with him and he sometimes wondered if he really deserved you. A beauty mingling with a beast. No one would ever want to see that, after all, even the beast turned into a handsome prince at the end of the fairytale.

Bucky wondered, if you found out what he did every night after you were asleep or what he took from your closet when you were away, would you still want him? If you found out the beast within him, would you still love him the same?

His thoughts were occupied and it wasn’t until the sharp pain in his fingers that he snapped out of his trance.

“Fuck!” You heard him cursing and went to him, gasping when you saw the streams of blood flowing from the deep cut from two of his fingers.

Hastily reaching out for the clean cloth from one of the drawers, you placed it over the wound, applying pressure on them.

The red quickly seeped through the pristine white cloth, two colours clashing as the red engulfed the white.

Bucky noticed you wincing at the red, gulping at the sight, head slightly turned away. It was obvious you were uncomfortable at the sight of blood, so he took the cloth himself and nudged you to wash the faint hint of blood on your palms.

“Sorry, now you might have to do this alone,” Bucky gestured at the ingredients on the counter, “and sorry for the cloth, blood stains are quite hard to get rid off.”

“Don’t you worry, a little hydrogen peroxide and the cloth will be as good as new,” Bucky let you tend to his wounds and pushed him towards the living room where he would sit at the couch for the next hour while you were busy at the kitchen preparing dinner.

While he was in the living room, he took in the interior of your house. He never got to take a close look, as he always had to sneak in when it was dark. The beige colour walls, cream coloured furnitures, books arranged perfectly on the floating shelves. The pictures and art hung on the clean walls, not one of them is crooked. The square coffee table with only the remote and a display plant on it, and when he shifted himself to sit at the center of the couch, did he realize the coffee table was lined up perfectly in the middle of the TV and the couch.

Bucky’s eyebrows raised, he didn’t depict you as a meticulous person. No wait, whenever he went out with you, you’d arrange the plates to sit between the utensils perfectly. When you get boba, the straws must precisely be in the center of the cup, and if you missed it, your eyebrows would furrow in annoyance subconsciously.

His eyes wandered over to your figure in the kitchen and was not surprised to find you wiping and hanging the cutting board on the ceramic wall, adjusting it with your fingers so it wouldn’t be crooked while waiting for the stew to simmer.

You caught him looking at you and threw a smile at him in which he reciprocated, then continued to let his eyes wander through your living room. This could easily be an IKEA showroom, he thought.

Another week went by, Bucky found himself more and more in love with you, if that was possible in the first place as if he didn’t already dedicate all the space in his heart for you.

You were both in the kitchen again. This time however, he was busy mixing the sugar, flour, and cocoa powder mixture, with you snuggling behind him, arms circling his waist as you watched him do the magic.

He felt sorry for not helping last time so he was making up to you by baking some brownies.

As you both were cleaning up, brownies baking in the oven, Bucky turned to you.

“Hey, I never asked, but what do you do for a living?” He questioned nonchalantly while wiping the huge plastic bowl.

The wet spatula fell from your grip, dropping into the sink of water, droplets of soapy liquid flecked on your shirt.

“O-oh, i’m an artist!” You let out a laugh to conceal your flustered state, “Aspiring artist to be exact.”

“An artist,” he hummed, as if chewing onto the meaning of the word, “could you show me your works?”

Your head whipped towards his direction, mouth parted in surprise. Nobody has ever appreciated your dream. Your family, your friends, your ex-boyfriends, all of them claimed that being an artist would lead you to being unsuccessful, and you deemed to prove them wrong.

“Yes, yes, of course,” you were overjoyed. Abandoning the half-washed utensils, you clasped your hand around his wrist and dragged him to follow you towards the second floor, into a room hidden behind another beige coloured door, where you kept all your works.

Rows of headless mannequins clothed in white dresses painted with red blossoms appeared before him as you pushed open the door.

He was utterly mesmerized. He trailed his gaze across the display, a smile painted his lips as he deduced that every piece of them was unique. No two dresses had the same pattern.

Some had plain red blossoms splattered on it, some had dark red waves littering on the bottom hem; some with brush strokes of red. There was also a different tone of red, bright and dark or somewhat in between.

“Wow, this is just … amazing!” He found himself at a loss for words, “are those blood?”

“Yes, they are.”

“I thought you don’t like blood?” Bucky teased.

“These are animal blood. I’m fine with it as long as it’s not coming out from a human,” you retorted.

He chuckled. Once again admiring the intricate patterns of your works, marvelling at how talented and perfect you were. His heart sank at the thought of the question he frequently found himself asking, how can someone so perfect like you end up with someone less than perfect like him.

You apparently noticed his changed demeanor as you inched yourself closer to pull him into an embrace, placing your chin on his chest, eyes searching for his sad blue ones.

“Are you okay?” He hugged you tighter, sighing.

“I’m fine. I just … I think you’re perfect and you’re everything I've ever wanted. But I'm not sure if I'm perfect enough for you.”

“Oh James, you’re more than enough. I assure you, you’re everything I’ve ever wanted too.”

Bucky felt like his heart was filled to the brim with adoration, butterflies erupted from his stomach. Your assurance was everything to him, keeping his wandering soul anchored and he was grateful for it, grateful for your existence. The more the reason to cage you by his side so you couldn’t ever leave him.

His lips were on yours the next second, his grip on your waist tightened as you deepened the kiss, tongue finding his; busy hands sliding from his stomach to his shoulder.

Both of you were drowning in this ecstasy, unwilling to part away from each other’s touch.

The loud ding of the oven startled the both of you. Momentarily parting from each other, you stared at him with a heated glance. His eyes were hooded, filled with lust, desire.

“Fuck the brownies,” you whispered, molding your soft lips on him once again, the hunger for each other far greater than the stupid brownies, “need you now.”

Bucky didn’t need to be told twice, large hands cupping your bottom as you hopped and hooked your legs behind him, arms instinctively went to his shoulders for support.

He brought the both of you to your room, the one he was all too familiar with, the one with the same cream coloured theme which could definitely pass as another IKEA showroom judging by how perfect the layout was.

The only odd thing that stood out in this far too perfect room was the trail of scratch marks extending from the door frame to the wall outside of the room.

The deep scratch marks were somehow etched deep in his brain, he couldn’t let it go. It felt as if there was a dot of blank ink on a piece of white paper, and even though there was more white than black, you’d only be fixated on the dot of black.

He would ask you about the haunting marks on the wall and your fingers that were tracing patterns on his skin would falter, you’d give him the warm smile he loved while brushing it off saying it was the huge Dobermann your aunt owned which did that.

Even when he was balls deep in you, the vivid image of the scratch marks were there in his head, though you were quick to draw back his attention with a grind on his hips, both of your bodies covered with sheen of perspiration. Strands of your hair sticking to your body, but you pay no care to them as you rocked your hips, chanting his name over and over again like a mantra, like a prayer.

His eyes were on your fucked out state, his grip on you like steel. The cool surface of his metal arm contrasted with your hot flushed body as you chase your high like a traveller chasing the oasis in a desert, desperate for a quench of thirst.

Even when he was chasing the same high, vision blinding with bliss, the marks were still there and this time they were accompanied by the white dresses painted with red, and red only.

Bucky was always a doubtful person. Doubting every single decision he’d ever made. Doubting himself, doubting others. But there was one thing he was certain of, there was something less than innocent lurking underneath your skin. Of course, he was still head over heels for you but he was pretty adamant to find out the sinister in you, hoping it would answer his questions, mainly the recurring image of a certain mark.

Bucky was a lot of things, dumbass , dork, clumsy(per sam), but he was not stupid. Hell, he was far from stupid. Those scratch marks, definitely not the Dobermann.

You were a perfectionist, you couldn’t possibly leave the mark there and acted like nothing happened in the first place. He’d imagine if it was the dog, you’d probably have someone fix the dent the same day, unwilling to allow even a speck of blemish in your flawless house.

Bucky was a lot of things, and being a dumbass was definitely one of them as he was showing up on your porch in the evening unannounced.

He’d considered sneaking in like he used to do but he knew, he saw that you were still in the house. He couldn’t and wouldn’t jeopardize your relationship with him knowing he’d get caught.

He knocked on your door, hearing footsteps paddling, rushing to him.

As you opened the door, your eyes widened at the sight of an awkward Bucky. Although you were quick to throw him an unalarming smile, he still caught the nervousness in you.

There was something off with you. The disheveled hair, thin layer of sweat adorning the crown of your head, unknown wet liquid staining your shirt.

He caught a whiff of the strong smell of chemicals wafting through the door, it smelled a lot like bleach.

“I’m sorry,” he scratched at the back of his neck, “is this not a good time?”

“It’s fine, come on in.”

The smell of bleach invaded his nose the moment he stepped into your house, flooding and overwhelming his senses causing him to wince.

“Were you deep cleaning?”

“Yeah, I accidentally spilled some of the animal blood this morning. Had to use hell lots of hydrogen peroxide to get rid of them. Sorry for the smell.”

“No no, it’s okay. Let me just open the windows and door, okay?” He was getting a little light-headed now, desperately needing some fresh air. “Doll, you need to ventilate every time you use bleach, it’s harmful for your health to inhale all these fumes.”

You blushed at the term of endearment, yet wanting to blame him for not calling you that earlier.

He went over to open the windows, sighing contentedly at the waves of fresh air hitting his face as the wind blew in.

He felt your arms snaking around him, head leaning against his broad back.

“I love you, James. Wouldn’t know what to do without you.”

“I love you too.” He turned around and hugged you, his chin propped on your head, not knowing you had a solemn expression on your face.

He’d spent the evening with you, watching TV on the couch with you in his lap. It was so mundane yet he’d never got bored of this, wanting to do this with you for the rest of his life.

Outside the window, the orange and yellow sky faded into darkness.

“Let’s order take out, how about Thai food?”

“I’ll cook,” you kissed him on the lips and got up from his lap before he could reply anything.

“Ok, you need help?” He heard a faint ‘no, it’s fine’ coming out of the kitchen followed by the clanking of pots and utensils.

His neck stretched to peek at your figure in the kitchen, too busy chopping up ingredients to notice he was no longer at the living room.

He made his way down the basement, where the pungent smell of the bleach was still lingering.

The wood creaked as he stepped on the stairs, announcing his arrival to the darkness surrounding the basement. The soft glow of light illuminated the large space, a wall of tins stacking on each other revealed to him. A few easels of different sizes were propped on the wall with several grey aprons hanging beside them.

He walked closer to examine the insane amount of tins. A small label that said Pig blood was stickered on the body of the white tin.

His eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. Do people really sell animal blood in metal tins, wouldn’t they go bad?

There were loads of questions in Bucky’s head, questions with answers only you could provide.

He noticed a chest freezer sitting in the corner of the basement and his legs brought him to it before he came to realize. The whole basement was so quiet he could hear the soft ringing in his ears, the racing of his heartbeat amplified as his hand inched towards the lid.

There was nothing in the freezer, to his surprise.

The empty freezer stared back at him, as if mocking his fruitless attempt. He was relieved, or disappointed, he couldn’t tell the difference and there was no point in distinguishing them now since you had nothing to hide. He wasn’t even sure what he was expecting to find in the freezer.

“Babe?” You stood behind him with an apron on, a knife in your hand, a second after he closed the door to the basement.

He leaned against the door frame, hand went to his head, eyes squeezed shut as he pretended he was having a headache.

“Felt dizzy all of a sudden, I was just making my way to the bathroom.”

“Oh, okay. I was just about to tell you dinner's almost ready,” a tooth-rotting smile was plastered on your face.

“I’ll be there in a minute,” he watched as you walked away, letting out the breath he’d been holding. His palm was clammy, heart beating rapidly.

“I love you,” You placed your hand on his arm, eyes meeting his.

“I know, doll. I love you too.”

This was seconds before dinner.

“James, I love you.” You whispered, watching him giving you a grin before he stuffed the meatball into his mouth.

“Wow, I'm so loved today. It’s the secon- no, third time you’ve said ‘I love you’ to me today.” He grinned, heart bursting with love. “You know I love you too.”

This was mid-dinner.

“I love you so much, James.”

Bucky was getting suspicious of you. Were you hiding something, perhaps cheating on him? For there were no reasons for you to keep telling him you loved him even though he knew how much you loved him and vice versa.

“I love you,” you kissed his knuckles, “this might be the last time I get to say I love you, James.”

His eyebrows furrowed at your statement, mouth parting to question what you meant. Before he could voice out something, the world faded into nothingness.

A thin film of blurriness clouded his eyes when he opened them, Bucky had this feeling like he was drowning in a swamp and his whole body was bound.

Blinking furiously, he regained his vision. You were sitting on a chair leaning forwards while looking at him endearingly, your elbows propped on your knees, palms supporting your chin.

“Hello, my love,” you were smiling oh so sweetly. The same smile that got him mesmerized and head over heels, except this time he didn’t feel the warm fuzzy feeling exploding in his chest, this time it was the goosebumps crawling on his arms and the chill creeping up his spine.

Now everything made sense, every single of his questions was answered.

You looked down at his body, the one that was once full of life, full of love. You watched as his glassy blue eyes etched with fear quickly reduced into this grey lifeless orbs, still pretty but lacking the element of a beautiful soul.

You weep for him, mourn for him. Mourning the short duration of love shared between the both of you. Mourning for yourself, for falling too hard. Mourning for him who kept you always in his heart.

To be honest, you were a little hesitant to end his life, he was better than the last one. He was perfect, warm, kind, loving, gentle, but not perfect enough. He simply did not reach your expectations, and you, could not bear imperfections, even the slightest. The answer to his downfall was pretty easy, he was too close to the ugly truth. And despite you knowing his love for you outweighs his doubt and fear in you, you simply couldn’t risk it.

Your love for perfection exceeds your love for him.

The melodious music of your ringtone echoed in the ample space of the basement, you brought up your phone to your ears as you answered the call.

“Mrs. Lockwood? Yes. Of course. I did. No no no, I’ll do it for you this time. He would definitely taste delicious I assure you.”

Time to get to work, you sighed as you stood there with a white dress splattered with blood. How artistic, you thought.

You always loved this part of the process, you’d wear the whitest piece of dress you own whenever you work with your projects.

You loved how the blood peppered your clothes, forming blossoms of dark red flowers on the fabric.

You kept every single piece of them, because no two are the same. Every one of them tells a story, of men and women who loved you and who you loved, of those who were once a body with a soul.

Wiping away the tears rolling down your cheeks, you gave Bucky one last loving look and the blade of your butcher knife came in contact with his once pink but now pale skin as you hummed, the sound bouncing off the walls of the basement, forming echoes.

A few blocks away, a baby cried, body covered in mucus. The tiny infant cried, each time louder than the previous, wailing his lungs out, as if mourning. For one soul born, another reaped.

[purplebyul]

so there’s this theory going on that elu moved in for s5&6 so here are my headcanons about that : 

lucas is the one to ask eliott to move in. it’s done after a round of sex, mika loudly knocking on lucas’ bedroom door because «THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE LIVING HERE YOU INSATIABLE BEASTS» and eliott is laughing, tears in his eyes, when lucas turns to him and say «i’m tired of him. let’s move in together.» 

eliott chokes on his own spit before kissing lucas, mumbling yes a hundred times against his lips. 

once they find their perfect little home, lucas’ mom gives them money to buy some furnitures (lucas cry because he feels guilty for ever treating his mom badly and eliott buys her the biggest flower bouquet ever to thank her)

they go to ikea and eliott is like a kid in there, lucas has to stop him from buying everything remotely vintage-y («eliott why would you buy a vintage bike??» «but lucas it’s also a plant holder» «no eliott»)

lucas insist they buy the raccoon and hedgehog mug because «eliott it’s us i need to drink my morning coffee out of a raccoon mug!» 

they buy the biggest and warmest blanket ever, because «we need to have a blanket fort at least one night a month and look at the stars lucas» «eliott we’re in paris we can’t see the stars» «we NEED it lucas!»

they buy a lot of fairy lights too for their bedroom, so lucas never sleep completely in the dark but it’s not too bright to keep eliott from sleeping in in the morning

they don’t christen the appartement like the gang says they would, instead they smoked a joint, shared chocolates bars while listening to eliott’s vinyl and watched out of their windows the sun set behind the eiffel tower (which looked really small, but still)

the first morning they wake up in their new home, they stay in bed all day and have a second talk about parallel universe, («what if one eliott said no to lucas?» «well, then lucas got sad but understood and said he’ll wait until eliott wants to move in with him» «what if he’s scared the change will trigger an episode?» «then lucas will be here to help him through it if it happens» ) eliott paints a picture of the moon on lucas’ back and later print it out and hang it above their bed’s headboard

their bedroom is their sacred place and absolutely nobody is allowed to go in it apart from them : it’s filled with eliott’s drawings, their private and silly pictures, little poem and post it note tapped on their wall above their bed. sometimes they’ll find a new post it the other left before they woke up with a sweet little message on it “you look like an angel when you sleep” “you drooled on me last night and i took a picture, you’re beautiful” (when eliott can’t get out of bed, lucas will leave him a post it every morning ”it was hard leaving you this morning because you were sleeping on my chest, and i hate not feeling the weight of your head on top of it” “i bought one of virginia woolf book, can we read it together tonight?” “i’ll be late tonight, but i’ll come home with your favorite pastry, i miss you”)

eliott want to do something sweet and cooks one night, when lucas’ mom is supposed to visit, but he burns it. the next day, lucas pins a sign on their kitchen door that reads «no eliott allowed» (eliott pouts and refuses to kiss him for the whole day) (it lasts 1h)

they take the same bus to go to school and college, but eliott will get off two stops before lucas. lucas tends to finish earlier so he’ll get on the bus and get off at eliott’s stop to wait for him.

they have a nice old lady as their neighbour and she l o v e s eliott. so it’s no surprise that eliott spend time at her house on the week end «she’s old and need help with some stuff, i’m just helping her».

one day, lucas comes home from the clinic and his mom is not doing good and he just want to curl up and have eliott hug him but when he opens the door it smells really nice and he enters the kitchen, scared, only to see eliott lighting a candle and two plates filled with creamy pasta and rotisserie chicken. («you cooked?» «yes ! our neighbour has been giving me cooking lesson for two month now. how’s that for a surprise anniversary dinner?»)

when it rains, they like to build their blanket fort and watch the rain drops on the windows, playing board games and laughing until their tummies hurts

come christmas time and lucas comes home to the biggest christmas tree he has ever seen, already decorated and it looks like it’s out of an american movie

they invite lucas’ mom, mika, manon and eliott’s parent to their first christmas dinner in their new home and lucas cries when everyone go home because he can’t shake out that feeling of finally having a family of his own (later that night, they’ll talk about marriage and babies «i want an army of kids lucas» «what the fuck eliott? adopting one kid is hard but an army?» «i don’t want to adopt. i want them to have your eyes and your smile.») 

[in-tua-deep]

things i think the Hargreeves should do post apocalypse:

Luther:

Any adult shop classes because I genuinely love mechanic!Luther and have been slipping that into like, all my aus where I can.

Goes to slam poetry nights because he genuinely enjoys poetry (hello space poetry from episode one about the comet or whatever) and maybe one day is confident enough to share his with other people

Gets some gym bros who all enthusiastically support him in a bro sort of way who are constantly getting their minds blown by how much Luther can lift and constantly going “YOOOOOO” while Luther tries to downplay things bc he’s embarrassed 

I don’t know I just want Luther to have actual friends

Probably goes to every astronomy event where people have telescopes and is known in that scene so every time there’s some event at the observatory newcomers are like “what the FUCK” when this bigass bodybuilder comes in and starts gushing about which planet is visible I don’t know

Spearheads a lot of the family’s museum (that aren’t art museum) outings, especially if they have any exhibit that even vaguely relates to outer space or planets or the moon or anything. 

Probably gets up at godawful hours on the morning to go hiking and see the sunrise because he really liked doing that on the moon and even though it isn’t quite the same he still loves to do it. (If he’s not hiking he goes up to Grace’s roof garden to watch it)

Diego:

He already does his fighting at the gym which is kind of cool I’m going to gently assume that he already has gym bros and if he doesn’t then he becomes somewhat more approachable after everything

(having your mother comes down to the gym and kiss your cheek or your teenage brother hop in to drag you away or you other very flamboyant sibling dance his way into the gym to fetch you doesn’t exactly do wonders for keeping a reputation going)

I do want to think that Diego takes up like,, whittling but I think he’d have to do it away from Vanya bc,, you know,, Leonard/Harold whatever was a woodcarver or something but idk maybe Vanya is cool with it - but just the image of Diego hunching over and carving at something and Klaus leaning over and trying to enthusiastically guess what it is while getting it super super wrong because Diego is a beginner and his starting pieces are all lumpy monstrosities makes me smile

Diego taking cooking classes so that he can surprise Grace by taking over dinner sometimes and letting her relax and do what she wants

I’ve said this somewhere before but Diego spearheading picnic events and forcing the family out of the house because he thinks it’s a nice thing for Grace to see the world and on god if any of his siblings fight him about it he will stuff their asses into a picnic basket himself because they are GOING

Gets dragged by Klaus into dumb ideas to “give ourselves a CHILDHOOD diego” more than any other member of the family. Which basically means that Diego is the one Klaus grabs to surf a mattress down the staircase and other dumbass ideas

Allison:

Probably ends up redecorating the mansion and completely redoing it to make it more modern and also less the horrible hellscape with taxidermied animals on the walls that it is. Her and Grace squad up to plan everything and then Allison makes everyone help when it comes to things like painting and building all the nice ikea furniture she just bought

Takes parenting classes as sort of extra credit for her custody case for Claire. I feel like eventually she and Patrick genuinely talk to each other, maybe at some kind of joint therapy, and sort of clear the air between them. They might never get back together, but they at least become sort of friends again. Mainly because I like the Patrick I’ve built up for myself in my head tbh

Occasionally attends craft classes with Klaus when she has a spare moment, because he goes to like,, all the local craft classes. She likes to spend the time with him. Is probably the only sibling who willingly attends with Klaus, but others get dragged along as well.

Probably takes up scrapbooking? She wants to have something physical to give to Claire so decides to go through like,, all the camera footage of their childhoods and pick out good images (because goodness knows they didn’t have cute family pictures) and maybe Grace uploads some of her memories to a harddrive with cute shit and they scrapbook together let me have this

on a related note buys a camera and starts trying to catch her siblings doing cute things for her scrapbook with the sort of determined energy of someone who has realized that she’s having to do her scrapbooking from security camera footage because their childhoods were fucked up

(she has a bajillion pictures of herself - thank you paparazzi - but all she has on her siblings is like... what, one of diego’s fighting posters and the two pictures of Vanya from her book and from the newspaper on the fucked up apocalypse concert??)

Klaus:

Genuinely goes to any and all craft classes offered at the community center and random places around town. Usually sort of a disaster, always a disaster when he drags along his siblings, and always proudly brings home his third grader worthy creations that Grace proudly puts on the shelves. He gets better at things the more he goes to them though, so there’s a progression of skill level in his crafts. Allison goes with him when she has time.

Has a knitting circle that he attends that is primarily made of little old ladies who dote on him. Five occasionally goes with but it often conflicts with Five’s other extra curricular activities.

Bakes at home a lot, with Grace’s supervision after some certain incidents that should remain unnamed. Tends to get ‘creative’ with the recipes but now that Grace is present to make sure it won’t be a disaster everyone is more willing to taste whatever comes out. Has, on at least one occasion, insisted on decorating cookies or icing cupcakes or whatever as a ‘family bonding activity.’

Goes with Ben to the movie theater frequently even to the gross horror movies that Klaus hates and Ben absolutely loves. Klaus always insists Diego come to the horror movies so that Klaus has someone physically there for him to hold onto when he’s scared. Five comes sometimes as well, but tends to critique the special effects - especially blood and blood splatter - which makes other people turn around to hush them.

Five:

I genuinely want to say he does gymnastics lessons. Mainly because I feel like he needs to do SOMETHING physical and get rid of his excess energy, and also I think it would be hilarious for him to be tumbling and teleporting and shit at the same time what a wild ride. Absolutely refuses to allow his siblings to come to any competitions or whatever, but they all end up showing up anyway.

Starts learning instruments. Asks Vanya for lessons on the violin so they can play together, it’s very cute. I also wants to say starts learning the piano because someone sent me an ask once about it and it was super valid. And Five can learn both because I say so and he doesn’t go to school he has the free time

Is on first name basis with a bunch of scientists and mathematicians online where they all yell numbers at one another. Probably in a super technical group chat with a bunch of people with actual doctorates who don’t actually know that Five doesn’t have a doctorate. 

Actually you know what just let Five start actually going to college like let him go to the local community college or start taking college classes or something. He can get his GED or whatever. Let this boy get a DEGREE

Goes to art classes, first because drawing therapy was something Klaus suggested and he wanted to get his brother off his back. Later because he enjoys it. There’s a life drawing group he frequents - he’s the youngest there and new people always do a double take when he shows up but Five is very meticulous in his art and is actually pretty good. Grace goes with him as well because I say so and they deserve bonding time together

Ben:

I mean he’s kind of dead but let him do things with his siblings as well!!

Like I said earlier, a total movie buff and loves going to see things in theaters. And by movie buff I just mean he sees a lot of movies. Bizarrely into horror movies for how sensitive a kid he always was. He goes to the theater with Klaus for the most part but likes to watch movies with the family as well. Klaus makes him watch every animated movie with him in return for Ben dragging Klaus to watch horror movies.

Probably ends up with a youtube channel?? does movie reviews and game playthroughs whenever Klaus has enough energy to manifest him. Is pretty popular but half his followers are because of the bizarre shit that goes on in the backgrounds of his videos. People figure out Klaus (who is a frequent guest) is The Seance and then Five jumps in to tell them dinner is ready or something and they’re like “wait is that the Seances brother with the portal powers who vanished when he was a teen and still IS a teen” and the fact that ben probably has a username that’s some shit like “bentacles” that klaus set up for him everyone is theorizing that the channel is just. Ghost Ben and Five who are being manifested by the Seance to?? play games? 

well. they’re half right.

it certain doesn’t help the rumor mill when Ben makes sarcastic comments about dying or how he can’t get arrested because he’s legally dead and shit like that.

“Yeah sorry I didn’t post yesterday Klaus’s knitting group ended up getting arrested somehow - I was there and I’m still not sure went down - so that’s why I didn’t manifest”

Vanya:

I mean obviously she plays the violin that’s her job. She also teaches Five how to play the violin when he expresses an interest!! She is very touched by the gesture

Swims to keep fit and is a frequent at the pool. Klaus once bugged her to let him come, but it’s really her thing that she just does by herself when she wants to get out of her own brain. She does promise Klaus that they’ll take a family trip to a water park one day though, which he enthusiastically takes her up on.

Attends a book club that she also half-shares with Ben. Ben doesn’t come with to any of the meetings, but she always buys two copies/borrow two copies from the library so that Ben can read along with them and he and Vanya discuss the books before she even goes to any of the meetings. Probably thought there would be more discussion of the books than complaining about their general lives, but keeps going because she lowkey wants an excuse to keep frequenting the bookstore where this cute girl works.

Her and Five steadily are making their way through all the coffee shops in the city (as well as through their menus) in search of the best cup of coffee. It’s just a fun thing they do together that the other siblings occasionally go with as well whenever they have time. Both Five and Vanya have notebooks where they record their ratings based on a variety of factors. Diego calls them pretentious and Klaus always gets the ones which are barely classified as coffee when he goes with (Five steals sips and makes faces but continues to do so)

Grace:

Frequents art museums and galleries! Supports a lot of beginning and local artists by buying their art and has a lot of rotating paintings and prints in the house depending on her mood. She got rid of pretty much like,, all the old painting that Reggie had up except for a few of her favs which she relocates to her new room that Diego put his foot down on giving her

Goes with Five to his art classes at first because, as a minor, he needed an adult to go with him for nudity reasons (it’s a life drawing class man). Grace didn’t expect to actually draw herself but Five insisted because he felt awkward with her just standing there. She prefers abstract styles herself (so many people at this art class have a crush on Grace you have no idea)

(actually goes with Five to most things he’s beginning for himself for at least the first lesson to sign him up as an adult because Five loathes having to ask his siblings)

Commissions someone to come and paint a portrait of the family that’s for them, where none of them are stiff and they’re all happy. She tips the artist fabulously for it and hangs the new family portrait in the place of honor above the mantle where Five’s portrait used to hang (they all destroyed it as a family bonding activity)

Keeps bees on the roof after one of the kids showed her an article about saving the bees. She can’t get stung and genuinely enjoys hanging out up there where she ALSO started a big garden because I say so and Grace deserves to be surrounded by flowers and bumblebees and happiness don’t @ me

[simple-heroics]

Class 1-A Girls as Roommates

Oh, my god, they were roommates

Momo Yaoyorozu

First of all, you lucky bastard I hate you. Secondly, I’d like to make the point that Momo is wealthy af and has no financial need of a roommate. So, if you two are living, you’re probably already great friends with her or more. 

Momo loves to share. She is an extremely generous person, so she'll totally offer you some of her food when she cooks and even some of her shower products. 

Totally lets you borrow her clothes. Different sizes? She's gotchoo! Can and will create the best clothes for you. This is especially helpful if you have a date.

Speaking of her Quirk, its usefulness becomes really apparent when you two first move in and are still figuring out where things are or what you still need for the house. Bought that knife set but somehow forgot a can opener? Momo’s gotchoo again. 

A great communicator and takes the initiative to make sure you guys are on the same page about chores. Despite her busy hero career, Momo still does a great job keeping up with her fair share.

Please sit and drink tea with her. She'd love it. Probably the best thing about being Momo's roommate is coming home at the end of the day to this beautiful woman omg are you're okay with just being roommates and catching up over cups of freshly brewed tea. 

If something happens and you’re unable to pa your rent one month, Momo can cover it. Will not guilt or shame you over this. No matter what kind of petty roommate argument you two might have, she will never hold that over your head. Ever. Things happen, and Momo understands that.

The not so great...

Yaomomo is such a sweetie but...she's also a rich girl who is used to a lot space. Her furniture will fill up the whole apartment. An entire kitchen cabinet is stuffed to the brim with her teas, so you'd have to find some other space to shove your cereal.

Nonetheless, she tries very hard to be a good roommate - especially if it's her first place after moving out of her parents' house/school dorms - and this sometimes leads to her being overly accommodating. That and the above can lead to some tension between you two. 

Momo has such long, beautiful hair...and it absolutely gets clogged in y'all's shower. Good luck.

Mina Ashido

Mina is the fun roommate! I’m talking late nights spent goofing off, playing video games and watching movies or even just talking if you want. If you two weren’t best friends before moving in together, guess what?

You’re best friends now. or more?

Alien Queen is also Snack Queen. Our pink homegirl buys lots of snacks and is more than happy to share.

Um, garbage? What garbage? Her Quirk dissolves it and that’s one utility y’all are saving money on now to get Kaminari to help with the electricity

No matter how bad your day was, how shitty your boss, how long your commute, Mina can always make you laugh. Which is a nice way to end an otherwise completely shit day.

Actually pretty good about keeping the apartment tidy! Living in the UA dorm taught her a lot about being considerate of shared spaces and she’s always out and about anyway. So almost no worries about messes 

Because she’s either out and about or doing patrols, you actually get the apartment to yourself quite a bit?? Ummm, SCORE! Until you start missing your pink roomie/bestie

That is, if she’s not inviting/dragging you out to do stuff with her! If you’re someone who needs a bit of prompting to get out of the house, Mina is great for that!

Also...the roommate who is constantly trying to hook you up with her friends. Like, I’m serious. If you’re not already seeing anyone, this die hard romantic will constantly try to set you up with people hey, roomie, pls introduce me to Kirishima. You won’t need a dating app ‘cause Mina Ashido is your roommate and girl knows everybody.

The not so great...

If you're pretty introverted or just really prefer quiet at home, being roommates with Mina can be hard. Mina is a social butterfly - loud and bubbly and all these other wonderful qualities that simultaneously don't mesh well with most introverts.

Speaking of social butterfly, she invites her friends over. A lot. And y’all know that the Bakusquad spells c h a o s

It would also not surprise me if Mina had a number of...ahem, overnight guests. So prepare for extra (awkward) company at breakfast.

Sometimes gets so caught up in her social life, all those hobbies, and hero work that...she forgets that rent or utilities are due. Whoops. You’ll have to remind her sometimes. 😬

Good luck if you have wooden floorboards. Mina loves to dance and this means a lot of scuff marks.

Ochaco Uraraka

This cutie! 12/10 would room with her if I could

When she first started UA, Ochaco had to move to Musutafu and live on her on which I'm sure was a little scary for a 15-year-old girl and definitely lonely. She wasn't looking forward to being alone again after graduation but wait! She has you!

Really appreciates your presence in your shared home and will undoubtedly cherish you, even treating you like family. It makes her so happy when she comes home after a long day of patrols and having someone respond when she says, "I'm home!" Ochaco, lemme be your housewife

Video game nights with Dekusquad? Video game nights with Dekusquad! 

Pretty clean and always does her dishes which automatically puts her the top tier of roommate categories, let’s be real. 

She knows where all the deals are, when certain sales are happening, and where to go for the best discounts. And she shares all this hard-earned knowledge with her precious roomie (that's you, boo). Grocery shopping with her is intense because she gets super competitive about getting those deals before everyone else but it's also so much fun.

Master couponer. You knows those ladies that clip so many coupons that they sort them into little bags and actually sell them in bundles? That's Ochaco. She's even part of some online couponing groups. 

But she always hands you the coupons for your favorite snacks.

The not so great..

Ochaco works really, really hard and takes on a lot of missions. So, when she gets home, the usually upbeat hero can be a little...grouchy. By grouchy, I mean snappy and sulky and -- who is this woman and what did she do to your sweet, adorable roommate? 

Seriously, just don’t talk to her or make a lot of noise until she sleeps for 10+ hours and eats or she might send you floating to your shared ceiling.

That roommate who will get on you if you leave any of the lights on or stay in the shower for too long. She is NOT shelling out extra cash on utilities next month because of you!! honestly same

Toru Hagakure

Another fun roommate! 

We’ve seen her room, and we can tell by looking at it that she loves to decorate. If you (probably) have different tastes than hers, Toru will find ways to compromise and combine both your preferences to decorate your shared apartment! You know what that means?

Ikea trips. Toru’s enthusiasm alone makes it so much fun but it’s not as fun when you inevitably lose her in that Swedish labyrinth. (Hint: Check the various kids’ sections. She got distracted by the cute plushies.) 

If you two are not constantly updating your interior design, you’re at least adding to it. it makes the space just uniquely yours and feel so homey.

Toru has some real 👌👌 taste in movies. Her movie collection makes for some awesome movie nights. Bring all the blankets, plushies, and the like and you’re in for a chill night.

Out of everyone on this list, I feel like she’ll be the easiest to convince to get a pet. She skips the “well, who is gonna pay for food?” talk and doesn’t spend any too much time deliberating over her busy hero schedule - just jumps right on in to the nearest adoption agency.

Congrats, you’re now parents of an adorable, slightly grumpy rescue cat. Which - bonus - actually makes it so much easier keeping track of Toru because it’s almost always brushing against her legs or on her lap.

The not so great...

Definitely the nosy roommates. She wants to know all the details about your life and is the type to peak into your room because she's curious. Her Quirk only makes all the easier for her.

She likes to leave cute or funny messages on the fogged up bathroom mirror or with magnets on the fridge which is cute but...unnerving when an invisible being sends you random messages in your apartment.

....and according to the wiki, she loves hidden-camera prank shows? Welcome to Jackass, roomie. You’re gonna get pranked.

Also because of her Quirk, she often has to remove her clothes to make full use of her invisibility but this has also lead to a bad habit of leaving articles of clothing throughout the apartment. You often find random socks and gloves and even shirts out throughout the apartment.

Tsuyu Asui

A+ roomie. Seriously, give this girl all a gold star.

Super tidy, super considerate, and super stoked to live with you. She’s used to a full house and honestly wasn’t so sure about living on her own straight after graduation. Then came you!

Tsuyu looooves to cook with you. If your cooking skills need work, she’ll happily teach you. Out of everyone else on this list, you share the most meals together. 

Soooo many blankets and pillows in your apartment! Tsu needs the extra layers during winter and honestly, just build a blanket fort for you two. It’s great. just roommates huh?

Absolutely will text you just to check in if she makes it home before you and has no problem either waiting up for you or even walking to meet if it’s dark. And honestly, what’s better than 

Being super straightforward, Tsuyu always lets you know if there’s something up with the apartment or just if she’d like you to be a little quieter coming home. Also an observant person and checks in on your needs/preferences as well. Y’all rarely have any typical roommate spats because she’s direct and makes sure to communicate.

We stan a sweet, considerate frog roommate in this household.

The not so great...

Because she grew up taking care of two younger siblings and then lived with the entire 1-A class (19 teenagers in one building -- that's insane) in the dorms, Tsuyu actually has little tolerance for messes in common spaces. 

Tsuya Asui ain’t your momma. You're both adults and you both pay rent, so she expects you clean up after yourself and will call you out if you don't.

Especially about those dishes left in the sink. You can say that you just left the pots in there "to soak", but Tsuyu ain't buying it. And she tells you as much.

Not above shaming your messes on her Snap story i’m that petty roommate or bringing up that you forgot to take out the trash in front of other people.

Kyouka Jirou

She's the cool roommate. By that, I mean the one you’re lowkey bragging about when you describe her to your friends. Girl is a hero, plays pretty much every instrument, and is just a cool person in general. It’s hard not to brag.

Seriously, just her mere presence alone makes your place at least 70% cooler than it would have been if you lived by yourself. That’s how cool she is.

Super respectful of your privacy. Like, she won’t even know what your room actually looks like unless you actually invite her in.

Great roommate banter. Kyouka has a great dry sense of humor and likes to tease people, so you two can go back and forth all day.

Great texter. She always gives you a heads up when people are over or if you guys need anything for the apartment. Bonus: lots of hilarious pics of Bakusquad being idiots.

Don't tell her that you can hear her when she sings in the shower; it'd just fluster her and make her self-conscious. But being able to listen to that amazing voice in your own home?👌👌👌

If you're someone who doesn't necessarily need or even want a tight knit relationship with a roommate, Kyouka is your best bet. She's generally really chill and won't get hyped over being best friends. 

That said, she’s a pretty empathetic person and easy to talk to. She’ll absolutely stay up late with you just to talk if you need it. Gives great advice.

The not so great...

You will lose track over how many times you ask her to turn the music down. 

Like Mina, Kyouka comes as a package deal with the Bakusquad. Kyouka doesn’t invite them over often because even she doesn’t want that chaos in her home but sometimes it’s inevitable.

She’s not much of a cook. Plus she’s pretty busy keeping up with her hero career, music, and group of friends, so she doesn’t have much free time anyway. This means she orders out - a lot. Good news? Hardly any friction over cleaning dishes. Bad news? Her take out boxes leave little room in the fridge for your food.

BONUS: Regardless of who you room with, you’ll hardly ever worry about a break-in or any crime in your neighborhood because your roommate is a professional hero and will kick any home intruder stupid enough to try anything.

[thefirelookout]

A basement for rent

Nam and Thomas, Thomas and Nam. Two brothers in the home rental business. Since they're from Quebec, Thomas is actually "Toma" and not "Tho-Mas".

I was desperate for a house in November, but most were available from December. It was the "off" season; the students were in the middle of a semester, so no question of moving out. It was the pre-corona era too, so all the houses were jampacked. For me it was snowy and frosty beyond imagination. Every house search was painful, every gust of wind hit my face like a tight slap, and every visit to a potential home was a disappointment.

When I first spoke to Nam D., I didn't understand anything he was saying. I spiralled down a sink of self doubt and I thought I needed to work on my English listening skills, but, "Hang on!" I thought. "I understand Chelsey, Kirsten, Adrienne and everyone else just fine. I watched Downton Abbey without subtitles, so I don't have a problem with the British accent either. This is some other problem" I diagnosed. I had moved into my basement room by then, and maybe Sifat apu was looking for a place to move in (or something, I don't remember). When she told me that my bariwala- landlord, had a "heavy French accent", I finally understood what was going on.

I was the odd one out in that house. I was a somewhat more conservative Muslim woman living with two male housemates because I had no choice, and no other house would have me. Off-season after all. I had to adapt. I kept my namaz er orna nearby at all times. Whenever I needed to maybe use the kitchen, open the fridge or just go hang out at the common space (I learnt not to do that very soon), I'd drape that around myself and cover my hair as ordained by religion (I think). I used a separate orna for the bathroom because I realized that I can't keep taking my namaz er orna to the bathroom. But the khimaar (that's what it's called) provided more coverage. It was a difficult conundrum, but I learnt to adjust, adapt.

The snow disappeared soon, and the grass appeared, the rabbits appeared. The sky cleared up a pretty bright blue. The virus made things foggy though, and my depression peaked. I pretty much stopped cleaning the house as I used to, everyday. Pretty soon, I stopped making my deshi style healthier meals. The processed food wrecked havoc. I stress ate, stress drank coffee before deadlines. No Ammu to tell me when to take a bath, no Ammu to tell me when to snap out of it, so my hair looked wonderful throughout the week (since you're not supposed to wash your hair frequently if you're following the Curly Girl Method). Strange, I thought I'd have a matted mess of hair that way. Strange how even our hair adapts to neglect.

Nilu apu's family helped me empty out the house before returning to Bangladesh. I spent an emotional week-or-two thinking about the cramped little basement. Before returning, I gave most of my stuff to my friends. Rajeshwari and I had a full blown crying episode at the bus stop. We just wouldn't stop hugging it out. The old ladies at the bus stop gave us weird looks. "You'll take care of yourself, okay?" "I'll come back soon, okay?" "Don't cry, okay?" we went, okay?

When I was still enjoying my last little trip to Toronto, saying my last goodbyes to Sarah, Alif, Zubier, Nam D. gave me a call. He found the little empty basement dirty, he said. He needed to call some cleaning service to clean out all the mess I'd left behind, he said. I hung up on him, because I had snapped out of my problems in the last two weeks. I'd mopped the floor, vacuumed all the crevices, scrubbed the toilet floors, dusted all the white IKEA furniture. Nilu apu had declared that my cramped little room, then empty, was spotless clean and nobody can clean better than me. Nam still wanted 60 dollars for the cleaning services though.

Two brothers, Nam and Thomas, Thomas and Nam. "Toma" because they're from Quebec. Nam because they're Vietnamese-Canadian. Both kinda cute, Nam more than Thomas. Both very businesslike, Thomas more than Nam. Both equally money hungry. Both kinda nice, kinda not.

[lightskinrry]

Dance.

the one where the date sucks and dancing is a good coping mechanism but you’re still a dumbass (part two of Pivot)

A/N: Part two of Pivot!!! Thanks for the love!! I hope you enjoy this shit!!!

Word Count: 4.1k

TW: fluff….. like if you thought Pivot was cute…. This is going to kill you

thank you Sierra @belladonna-styles for supporting my shit and making my english decent!!!

Read Part One!

London grew fast on you. Bexley didn’t seem like such a hellhole after a few months and your apartment didn’t feel like the worst decision you’ve ever made anymore. You finally got enough money to furnish the place and even had a little extra for a new book. Of course by furniture, you meant; an Ikea table, a second hand sofa, Harry’s mattress, two shelves that you filled with books and records and a green plant that was going to die by the end of the month if you didn’t give her the attention she deserved. She was quite like you actually; about to die if she didn’t get attention. You called her Bob, it seemed to fit her quite well.

You started working in a fancy restaurant in Kensington. It was hard work for not such a good pay but the neighborhood was lovely and on your tube ride back home, old little ladies would give you candies and sex advise you definitely didn’t need but also didn’t refuse. Working in Kensington did teach you something; rich people are skinflint. You probably never saw a good tip-bill ratio. They would pay hundreds of pounds for their meals and leave a £5 tip… Ridiculous. But you had to go with it, and try not to murder anybody that would treat you like crap despite your kindness and helpfulness.

The only good things that came out from working there, other than the candies was the free meals and the cute waiter at the bar. You plucked up enough courage to ask him out last night and he accepted. Proposing you a date on Friday night. You were so looking forward to this date; not only because he had beautiful brown eyes, large hands and smelled good but because it’s been ages since you had an actual date. You broke up with your girlfriend two months before you moved to London. You were together for so long you thought she would be the one. Your one and only. But it turned out that she had another one in mind and you were never her only. Part of you hated her and the other part hated yourself. It was her fault everything went wrong, but also perhaps you were never good enough for her?

If you always had good self-esteem and sometimes you were overly confident, getting cheated on by your partner of 2 years did shatter your ego like crazy. So dating was more of putting on a performance for you than actually trying to know someone. But you felt different about this one, who knows what it could bring? You were eager to find out.

Regarding your weird craving to kiss Harry the night of your moving in, you realized you just needed to show him more affection and you didn’t know how. You spent days together after he helped you move in and the ‘i want to kiss him’ thing didn’t surface again. You brushed it off and didn’t overthink it. He left a month later your move in and got back in London last night. You couldn’t wait to get caught up on what happened in LA and even if he wanted the album to be a surprise, you knew he was throwing hints in every conversation. So you’d spend hours listening to him talk about it, hanging on every word he’d say, bathing in his stories, just giving him your full attention because that’s what he deserved. And you just loved listening to him.

Friday night came sooner than you expected. You spent your afternoon pampering yourself, trying on clothes and watching Buzzfeed Unsolved because your upcoming date (and what you hoped would be your upcoming boyfriend) mentioned once that he liked the show. You knew you didn’t have to go all the way but you wanted the date to be perfect. Harry told you that being yourself was the best way to go and he was right, there was nothing not to love about yourself. But a little extra wouldn’t hurt.

You hesitated between pants and dress for hours. But finally set your mind on a mid-thigh golden silk dress that complimented your figure just right. After all, he invited you to a lovely restaurant in Soho, you had to put on something worth the ride. Harry texted you a good luck text filled with compliments and his usual “All the love.” You were ready for your date now and was just as nervous as excited.

You rode the tube all the way to Soho and walked to the restaurant. He told you he’d be there by 8pm and you were a little ahead so you went inside and sat at the bar. You ordered grenadine, not wanting to consume alcohol before his arrival. Your phone vibrated in your purse and you checked it to find a message from Harry telling you to call him if the guy’s a creep. You smiled at the sight of his protective behaviour. It was still good to know that he had your back, in case.

After your second grenadine, you started feeling anxious. It was already 8:30 and no one showed up. You didn’t even receive a “sorry I’ll be late” text.

It was now the third waiter you sent away after he asked you if you were to get a table. It was past 9 now and you had no hope anyone would show up. You swallowed the lump in your throat, trying not to cry for something as stupid as being stood up. But it hurt. It just did. Why would he stand you up? You thought he was interested? He didn’t even text you to cancel or postpone. What a dick. You grabbed your purse and went out of the restaurant in a hurry. You stood outside for a minute, taking long breaths; trying not to let the tears fall out on your face. It would ruin your makeup.

You started walking fast to the subway, not wanting to spend another minute out. You ran into someone and apologized when your phone vibrated inside of your hand. You inhaled deeply before looking at it, expecting a message from the jerk who stood you up tonight. You opened your phone and found a text from Harry.

Bambi sent a message

How’s it going?

You felt the tears grow inside of your eyes at the sight of the message and you didn’t want to alarm Harry. You just typed in that everything was okay. Next thing you knew another text popped in.

Really? Why you’re on your phone, then?

You could almost hear his cheeky tone through text. He knew you well. You didn’t want to lie to him, and what else would you do anyway? So you just answered quickly before putting your phone away.

Got stood up.

You walked a few more minutes before you heard your phone ring inside of your purse. You picked it up and answered but before you could say anything, the person at the other end spoke.

“Where are you? I’m picking you up.”

“Harry… There’s really no need to…”

He cut you off. “It’s cool, I’m already in my car. I’m picking you up.”

You sighed through the phone. “You really don’t have to.”

“I know. I want to. That’s why I’m calling you.”

You smiled at his answer. “I’m in Soho. Next to Oxford Circus station.”

“I’ll be there in ten. You can walk up to Piccadilly so we meet up there?”

You took a look around, checking what way Piccadilly was. “Sure. Call me when you’re there.”

“See you in 10, Milkie.”

He hung up and you started walking. The other station was just a few miles away so you walked slowly, taking the time to clear your mind and get rid of the negative energy. You didn’t want to project negativity and especially not to Harry. You met him almost three years ago now and you grew so fond of him. He was always there for you and the last thing you wanted to do was to pressure him with unnecessary emotional labor.

You arrived at the station and within a few minutes Harry texted you. You saw his car down the road and walked fast to it. You opened the door and jumped in. He smiled at you and you went to kiss his cheek to greet him.

“Seatbelts on.”

You grinned and put on your seatbelt while he started driving. He stopped the car a few miles down where he could park easily.

“So… What do you want to do?”

You asked as you watched him squeeze in his seat to turn around and face you.

“How about I take you out to a nice place and we get pissed drunk?”

You chuckled at his proposition. It did sound appealing.

“That sounds good to me, Bambi.”

He smugly shrugged and started the car. “Then let’s go.”

He drove for a few minutes and in the meantime you took his phone to go through his spotify playlist and play some music. He parked in an underground parking before getting out of the car, he went to your side to open your door. He reached out his hand to help you get out of the car. You gently grabbed it and carefully stepped out. He closed the door and took a minute to look at you.

“Wow. You look incredible, Milkie.”

Your cheeks burned as his glistening gaze went all over you. You smiled shyly and whimpered. “Stop, Harry.”

He smirked down at you. “Alright, I’ll stop but this dress fits you wonderfully.”

You looked down at yourself and smiled. When your eyes met his, he just tilted his head to the side to make you understand he meant it. You rolled your eyes at him before smiling to yourself. Harry complimenting you was always a huge ego boost and you needed that tonight.

You walked next to him and he placed his arm around your shoulders.

“So Milkie, any idea where we going?”

Harry always knew about nice underground parties where there was good music, fun people and nobody to bother him. You shook your head no and kept walking. You just knew it was going to be good. And even if it sucked, Harry was there and it couldn’t be better than with him.

***

The party was going rather well. After a few shots, a lot of dancing and laughing, you went to sit next to Harry; who was sipping on a Gin Fizz and talking with a woman that you guessed was Alexa but you couldn’t quite tell in the dark.

You dropped your ass on the couch next to him and he placed his arm around your shoulder as an instinctive move. Alexa giggled at something Harry said, before addressing the two of you.

“I didn’t know it got serious between you two!”

You looked at her confused and then gazed at Harry. In the moment where you and him looked at each other, the realization of what she meant struck you, and you and Harry started laughing.

You shook your head at Alexa. “Oh no! No! We’re not…”

You looked at him and giggled a last time as he took a sip of his beverage. Alexa apologized for assuming you two were together. It wasn’t the first time someone made a comment about how cute you two would be. You were quite physically close because both of you were touchy-feely and affectionate. It was like the nicknames, just a way of showing affection. It was a tender friendship.

Alexa got up to get some drinks asking you if you wanted anything. You politely declined as you already had a Malibu waiting for you that Harry ordered. You grabbed your glass and tried finding the straw with your mouth. As Alexa left, another woman and what seemed to be her partner took her place. Harry greeted them and you did too.

You watched the conversation flow between the couple and Harry, and your head fell back on his shoulder as you were carefully listening to him, taking a sip of your drink from time to time. Harry’s arm was still around your shoulders and your hand was resting on his thigh. Just casual touch that still got you some side-eye by the couple. A strand of hair fell on your face but you were too lazy to pick it up. It’s when Harry took a look at you that his hand reached your face to brush the strand away, his fingertips gently stroking your skin in the moment.

“So how long have you been together? You two are a really cute couple!”

The woman’s voice resounded above the music and the other girl next to her added a word too.

“Looks fresh to me!”

Harry chuckled at the comments and placed his glass on the table before answering.

“We’re just friends.”

It didn’t seem to make him uncomfortable; he actually tightened his embrace. It didn’t make you uncomfortable either but it was fun to see that most people associate casual affection with romance. It was just a good form of intimacy between the two of you. Just like talking about your insecurities in the dark. Or singing I Will Survive at the top of your lungs in the car. You and Harry were just very comfortable together.

The two women brushed the conversation off and started talking about something else. You finally decided to get up, one of your favorite song was playing and even if you were tired, you were also tipsy enough. You pulled on Harry’s hand.

“Dance with me.”

He shook his head no and you pleaded before letting go. You walked to the dancefloor and started moving. Your eyes never leaving Harry, begging him to come dance with you from afar. He finally gave in and walked up to you. You started dancing together, shaking your hair, and throwing your hands in the air. Sometimes your hands would fall back on his chest or you would turn around and he’d place his hands on your waist. You were dancing eyes closed, moving against Harry, your back against his chest, not minding anything around you at all. The voice of the girl next to you brought you back to reality.

“You two look so hot together!”

You felt Harry laugh against you. “Yeah. We do. Thanks.”

His answer left you confused for a second but you chose to play with it. “I’m the one who makes it hot!”

The girl snickered at your comment before asking, “How long you’ve been together?”

The music was so loud you didn’t quite get her question but you heard Harry answer, “A few months!”

You turned to face him and met his usual smirk plastered on his face. The girl tapped on your arm. “I hope this is going to last!” She kept dancing and faded in the crowd.

“A few months?” You asked as you raised your eyebrows at Harry.

“Yeah. ‘Was going for years but then I figured out it wouldn’t be plausible.”

You chuckled and shook your head at him. “Glad to know we’re dating.”

“What kind of couple are we?” He laughed as he grabbed your hand to take you out of the dancefloor. You two taking your seats back.

“I think we’d be the annoying type.”

He pinched his lips in reflection and shrugged. “Most likely.”

“We’d be annoying and kinky.” You giggled as you faked a claw at him.

“Oh most definitely. The kinkiest, Milkie.” He winked at you before calling a waiter and ordering a few more drinks.

The joke lasted throughout the evening, whether it be some random person telling you, you were cute together or a douchebag trying to flirt with you; you were his girlfriend tonight. It left a weird impression on you. It felt nice. You’d even say, it felt right. It was just this natural feeling that the way he held you, the way he touched you made you feel like he was yours.

The party started fading away when you asked him to leave. You started feeling tired and sore and a little bit too tipsy. He agreed and you left the party. You walked in the dark for a moment, arm in arm, laughing. You were reminiscing about the first time you met, when you laughed so hard that milk went out of your nose. And that time he fell in the kitchen while trying to show you his best dance move. Just sharing memories of the past years you spent together.

You were starting to lose sight of the busy street in which the party was going on. It was darker and darker and you two were alone in a street you didn’t know.

“I think we’re lost.” You laughed as you tottered. And Harry snickered too, almost stumbling over you.

“I guess we are…”

You shook your head at him in a giggle and grabbed his arm under yours. You kept walking in the dark, talking and laughing. You walked for what seemed to be hours. He finally decided on calling a Uber, seeing you carrying your shoes in your hands and begging him to carry you on his back.

“The Uber will be here in ten.”

You sighed relieved and he picked you up to put you on his back. You walked to the side of the road where Harry told the driver to meet him. The Uber didn’t take long to arrive and both of you jumped inside of the car.

“Get the car from the parking tomorrow.”

Harry’s voice resonated in the car. He was talking to his phone, putting a reminder for him to get his car tomorrow as he was too inebriated now to drive. You laughed at his over-organized ass and let your head fall on his shoulder. After a quite long and silent car ride, the Uber dropped you both in front of your residence.

You opened the door and walked the stairs, holding on each other for some balance, laughing softly and shushing each other when one of you would make too much noise. You missed the last step again, making Harry fall with you. Hopefully nothing too bad but you two had a laughter in the stairs. Both of you sitting on your asses in weird positions, screeching softly, trying not to wake up the neighbors.

You finally got inside of the apartment and closed the door behind you. Harry let his body fall on the couch and grabbed your hand to pull you close to him; making you fall by his side. He wrapped his arms around you and nuzzled his head in your hair.

“I had fun tonight.” He mumbled as he placed a kiss on top of your head.

“Me too.” You beamed at him.

The moonlight was shining through the windows and the shadows of your furniture was dancing on the ground.

“Thank you for taking care of me, Bambi.” You looked up at Harry with a soft smile on your face.

“Always, Milkie.” He booped your nose tenderly and his eyes shifted to the ceiling.

“I’m such a mess, you know. I’m glad you’re here.”

You felt like you needed to let him know how good of a friend he was. But it seemed like it was gonna be one of your rambling about how being steady was hard for you.

“You’re a bit of a mess.” He giggled before turning his face over you. “But you’re truly one of a kind, Y/N.”

You chortled a little bit before letting your head fall down on his shoulder. You strangely remembered now that you’ve been stood up earlier. You felt a pinch in your heart. You truly hoped something good would come out from this date.

“I guess you’re the only one to see it, Bambi.” You giggled but it wasn’t genuine, it was a hurting laugh.

Harry looked at you in the eyes. “He’s a jerk.”

You looked over at him. “Maybe it’s something about me…”

He grabbed your chin firmly but with a gentle touch. “Listen, you have to be bloody dumb to stand someone like you up.” His gaze intensified, you could see his eyes get darker. “It’s nothing about you. If there’s one thing about you is that you’re bloody incredible.”

You felt your heart beat faster and your eyes were glistening. You reached your hands to his face and cupped his face tenderly.

“You are the most incredible.” You started tearing up; the alcohol, the fucked up date and Harry’s tenderness didn’t seem to be a good mix. It just made you emotional. “And I hope you’re right about me; otherwise I clearly don’t deserve a friend like you.”

He smiled and kissed your fingertips. He brought his face closer to yours and whispered, “Dance with me.”

You looked confused and tried wiping away the little tear at the corner of your eye.

“Dance with me.” He repeated himself, his gaze getting more bright.

“There’s no music, Harry.”

He larked about your comment. “I know. Do you remember that time I was upset about something about the album and you said you can always dance your worries away?”

You nodded, remembering the time he mentioned.

“And you made me dance to that Britney song so that I’d stop worrying?”

You raised your eyebrows at him, a smile glued on your lips. He got up and reached out his hand.

“I’m doing the same for you. Dance with me.”

You shook your head in a laugh and grabbed his hand. He pulled you closer to him and wrapped his arms around you. Your face was buried in his chest and his cheek was resting on the top of your head. You swayed in the middle of the apartment, a little less empty than the last time, no music on, the moonlight shining on you, your shadows dancing on the floor. The only sounds filling the space being your breaths, and sometimes a giggle as one of you would make a weird move.

You were glued to him, bathing in his embrace, feeding on his warmth. His cologne filling your lungs, his arms tightening around you, the softness of his silk shirt brushing against your cheek. He felt just like home. You loved him so much. He was your best friend. Sometimes you’d wish he’d stay there forever.

You looked up at him, catching his gaze upon you.

“Why are you so good to me?” Your voice was soft and when the whisper reached his ears, he smiled tenderly.

“You’re my best friend, Milkie.”

Instead of warming your heart the way it should have, his answer hurt. It was like a sting of reality. Like you were slapped back into the realm of existence where you were only his friend. And it hurt. You wished it didn’t. But it did. What even did that mean?

He was your friend. Your best friend. It was only the truth. You should not feel this way about his words. Maybe it was the alcohol… Or perhaps, you needed more than a best friend right now.

When your eyes met his, his tender smile faded away. He looked worried.

“Are you okay, Y/N?”

You sniffed before bringing your hands to your face to cover it. You didn’t realized that a few tears streamed down your cheeks.

“Yes, everything’s okay.” You cleaned your face with the back of your hand and got out of his embrace. You offered him a big smile.

“See... That’s the reason, I shouldn’t be drinking, Bambi.”

A nervous laugh fell from your lips as you watched Harry’s worry turn into confusion. He saw you way more drunk than that and still he never saw you cry because of it.

“I’m just emotional, tonight, Bambi. It’s okay, I swear.”

He stepped closer to you and cupped your face with his hands. “Sure?”

You nodded and he kissed your forehead. “Let’s put you to bed, then. You need some rest, Milkie.”

You definitely needed some rest because tonight felt like a revelation to you, and you truly hated it. If it wasn’t for the dance, you wouldn’t be asking yourself why being Harry’s friend wasn’t enough.

[awkwarddystopianwarlord]

The Murder Building: Part II

So came the day when I moved in. Because the stairwell only has a one way door that doesn’t let you back up, we had to claim one of the elevators as our own to move all my junk to the seventh floor. With the help of my mother and one of my friends, we hauled boxes in trips, stuffed the elevator, carried them to my suite, and went back down to do it all over. I can’t quite remember how long it took. It wasn’t terrible once we got the hang of things but it was still time consuming. Especially given the fact that we had been up since the early morning to get to the island which consists of taking two ferries and driving across Vancouver. By the time my absurd amount of belongings were all accounted for in my new home, we were bushed.

Eventually my mother helped me set up my futon-bunk bed situation so we would actually have a place to sleep. The next day she had a friend that lived somewhat nearby, and his date-mate help set up my IKEA-cubby thing so with that, my bed, and a desk I also had, that was all my furniture. After a small adventure to Value Village, I now had a nice chair. It was the only official sitting item that I owned.

My mother had stayed over the weekend, but after that, I was left to my own devices. I had to wait for my internet modem to come in which was supposed to take a couple days, which really gave me nothing else to do but unpack. She had helped me, before she left, to find a reasonably priced, obscure internet provider that would send a human over to plug in the modem. During the few days I was waiting for that, my house-room was coming together to an extent. I had all my furniture where I wanted it, my clothes were organized into my cubbies and the closet, and my hoard of mugs now dwelled in the kitchen rather than a box I had in my old garage-man-cave. We had brought over a succulent plant from home and my mum’s friend gifted me a pothos plant, so the two of those brought some homey feels.

The day finally came for me to have an internet connection. A fellow came by and had to sit awkwardly under my desk which happened to be right in front of the plug in. He tinkered for a bit before telling me some unexpected news. The wire that went from my suite, up in the wall, to the satellite dish on the roof of the building, was broken. It had either been cut or caught somewhere within the wall and he couldn’t reach it to connect the modem. In other words, I had spent eighty-seven dollars for nothing. It also turned out that Shaw was the provider for the building so I, who used Telus, couldn’t get any sort of assistance given that they didn’t support the building in any way. To say the least, I was fecked. I already had to pay for extra data on my phone twice as I was using it as a hotspot for my laptop and ipad. I figured that I was damned to having to use a nearby Starbucks as my sole source of internet. I had spent the week figuring out what the hell to do for that, setting up my house, and rewatching the entirety of Game of Thrones for the third time on my DVD boxed set. It should not have only taken a week to get through that, but it did. I have a wee DVD player for my laptop and just sat on my bed in utter defeat watching my favorite characters die..again. I felt so constricted without the ability to connect to the rest of the world properly and I was incredibly pleased to find that Telus offered this little data hub. It worked as a source of internet connection for those that lived in rural places. It was a blessing from the universe and the feeling of suffocating isolation lifted. The first hurdle I faced, now defeated.

The second hurdle I faced was when it was decided that our bathrooms would be made over, which is all well and good to an extent. What perturbed me was that I had just finished unpacking and sorting my belongings out, bathroom included and now I had to take everything out. The construction lads would come in around eight-thirty in the morning and work until about four every day. As someone who sleeps in till about ten-thirty, this really sucked. I was also not allowed to use the shower the entirety of them fixing up the bathroom. The office ladies, however, gave keys to unused suites for us tenants, which I will say, comes in handy when most of the building is empty. So for a week, I would go up to the nineteenth floor and shower. We were allowed to leave our toiletries up there since each person had their own suite, which was nice. The whole thing though became so inconvenient.

I was also in the market for a job at the time and I had to wake up much earlier in the morning just to get ready and dressed before a horde of men entered my room-house. I’m also intensely awkward and shy so having to move around them everytime I left gave me a sense of dread. I couldn’t go about my day normally and I was so relieved when they said they were done. Of course, before one of them left, he told me that the whole floor had asbestos beneath it and that if ever the tiles became cracked, exposure could be deadly. He also said that if they had to redo the flooring, I’d have to completely move out to avoid breathing the stuff in. That was a fun thing I panicked about for a few days, thinking that they would renovate this place soon or that I would just slowly get poisoned to death from my floor. Despite whichever happened though, the second hurdle was also defeated.

I moved on July fourth. I was still in need of doing a second trip back to my mum’s to gather the rest of my belongings, kitchen things, and the TV. She was moving at the end of August so this would be the last hoorah of getting rid of anything she didn’t want and bringing it to me. Thus, I was living without any tables, TV, couch, and extra kitchen stuff like pots and pans. We had picked up a blender, microwave, and toaster though so I was fine for the time being. I also found a small pot left behind deep in a cabinet. It was a good day though when I finally got the TV. A few more days were spent reorganizing and then I invited company over. Not having anything to sit on besides my bed which failed to morph into a futon for some reason, and a chair, hosting more people than just me was kind of a hassle. So we went on a hunt.

I can’t remember when the street couch was found. But it was wonderful. After an epic saga of getting it into the building, through the elevator, down the hall, and into my house, we had a place to sit. The couch really was a whole situation as we could only fit something thirty inches wide because nothing else would fit through my door frame. A couple weeks later my friends surprised me with a lovely,wooden coffee table, also from the side of the road. With these two key pieces of furniture inhabiting my living space, the house was complete. It went from a cold, white-cream colored square to a cozy, cabin inspired den. It was our new downtown hub and I was significantly more excited about living in my murder building. It felt so much more like a home and despite where it was, it was many steps up from my garage-man-cave.

I have moved some furniture around since and it’s much more open now. Honestly, it felt so refreshing to just move around a couch and coffee table to face a different direction. It was so simple yet made such an impact. As it stands a year later, it feels whole, comfortable, and somewhere I can be for a long time. This journey started off with many doubts, bumps, and frustrations, but it has come to a neat and satisfying conclusion. I am as happy as I can be here and wouldn’t trade it for anything but my future land and cabin, which is saying something.

[imaginethisbts]

it gets better.

warnings: implied/mentions of attempted suicide

notes: my sister attempted suicide last night and is in the hospital and i don’t know how to cope so i thought i would just..... write. this probably isn’t something enjoyable to read, but it was the only healthy outlet i could think of. this is depressing, but it has a fluffy happy ending. 

It was 4:46 am on an early Monday morning when you received the phone call.

Not until that very moment the news was spoken through the phone did you think it was possible to physically feel your heart break. But you felt the jagged line crack down the middle of it, and then piece by piece as it fell apart and crumbled out of your chest.

And now, as you drove through the early morning darkness, hands gripping the steering wheel so tight your knuckles were the shade of ivory, you just felt empty on the inside. As if what had happened had completely robbed you of your very soul.

One tear rolled down your cheek, and then two, three, four until you were sat there silently crying. Your vision was blurry and you couldn't see clearly to be driving, but you didn't stop. You couldn't stop.

You couldn't stop until his hand was in yours, the sound of his breathing caressing your ears like a beautifully composed song.

How could he does this to you?

Why would he want to leave you on this earth all alone?

You knew he struggled with inner demons and knew his dark thoughts must have finally consumed him until he couldn't fight them any longer. He had fought so hard to keep them at bay for so long, that giving up must have finally seemed like the better option than continuing to fight a seemingly endless battle.

After spacing out, you seemed to show up at the hospital in no time.

The building was large and tall, the bright sign of the hospital's name almost blinding as you drove up on it, the whole sight of it intimidating and heart-wrenching. But he was in there somewhere, and that thought had you parking in the nearest open spot before escaping the confines of your vehicle and rushing towards the entrance, that had a bright red sign above it saying Emergency.

"Hello ma'am, how can I help you?"

A plump older woman greeted you as you walked up to the desk.

"I'm here to see a patient, he was brought in a little bit ago. Min Yoongi?"

You tried so hard to keep your voice steady, but it wavered when you said his name.

She looked down at her computer and typed on her keyboard for a moment, eyes narrowing at the screen afterwards.

"He's in ICU. If you go through this door right here and follow the hallway all the way down and make a right, you'll go down--"

She continued giving you directions, but your brain wasn't retaining any of them, the only thing running through your mind was Yoongi, Yoongi, Yoongi. Yoongi was in the Intensive Care Unit.

"Do you understand?" She asked, giving a polite smile.

Tears pricked your eyes and you looked down at the lady guiltily.

"I-I'm sorry, you go through this door and--and what?" You sniffled, wiping away at your tears with the sleeves of your shirt.

The lady then stood up. "Don't worry sweetheart, I'll walk you back there real quick."

And so you followed the kind woman through the door, down the hall, to the right, down another hall and then through a big open entryway that had a sign atop it labeling it the ICU.

The space was open, a nurses station placed right in the middle of it and multiple beds spread throughout the large room with small curtains for a sliver of privacy.

"I have a loved one of Min Yoongi here to see him," the front desk lady told one of the nurses at the station.

The nurse looked up at you and nodded his head, standing up. "Okay, right this way."

You bowed your head to the kind lady for her help before following the male nurse.

Nothing in this world could have prepared you for the sight that greeted you when the nurse pulled the curtain back.

You thought your heart had seized to exist after the intense damage it withstood after finding out what had happened, leaving your chest an empty pit of blackness. But you quickly realized it was still there, because it ached. It ached so fucking bad, seeing the love of your fucking life laid up in that bed, cords hooked up to him like he was some sort of device.

At the sound of the curtain moving, Yoongi's eyes slowly shifted to look at you, the tiny action seeming to have taken every ounce of his strength to perform.

When your eyes met, tears instantly started spilling from Yoongi's and rolling down his cheeks like a running river.

It was such an instant response that your knees felt weak, like you were going to collapse from the emotions weighing so heavily on you.

You stayed back, standing by the curtain, not approaching the bed because something inside of you was telling you to be cautious. And you didn't want to acknowledge it, but something was also telling you to be angry, poking at the back of your mind and being an insistent voice in your ear.

How fucking could he?

"P-please," Yoongi mumbled out, sniffling hard, making a sob wretch out from his throat.

You've never seen him in so much pain, whether it was physical, emotional or mental. Right now, it looked like he was experiencing the worst pain of all three at the same time.

Everything you were broke at the sight of him trying to reach out to you, his arm shaking so intensely, like he didn't have the strength to even move his eyes, let alone his fucking arm.

It was the most disturbing thing to watch, seeing the man who has skillfully put together multiple pieces of heavy furniture from Ikea in the past, struggling to lift his arm.

His fingers twitched before his arm fell back down to the bed and he sobbed so wretchedly, your resolve vanished and you were at his side within a single second.

You grabbed him by his wrist, holding his arm up so you could intertwine your fingers and hold his hand tightly before resting them back on the bed.

Yoongi's head was turned away from you as he cried, but you could feel a weak little squeeze on your hand.

"I-I'm sorry," he cried, closing his eyes.

"I love you." You threw back immediately with a firm, yet shaky voice, squeezing his hand. "I love you so fucking much, and I need you, Yoongi."

You waited for him to turn his head towards you, to look at you, or reply, anything, but he did nothing of the sorts.

Instead, he surprised you by squeezing your hand more firmly, lifting both of them up off of the bed weakly, slowly moving them up across his stomach and to his chest.

They rested above his heart.

The action had your eyes becoming blurry once again and you let out an unsteady breath, leaning down to where you were closer to his level.

Gradually, he moved his head to where he was facing you again and his eyes cracked open to look into yours once more.

You saw everything in those brown orbs.

Love, laughter, passion, happiness. Adventures that you both have enjoyed together in the past, and some that have yet to come. Promises that haven't been broken, but came too close to almost breaking this morning.

"I need you." You told him again, sniffling and searching his eyes helplessly for some answer you didn't exactly know what you were looking for. "You promised me, you would be with me until forever. You can't leave me like this, Yoongi. I love you."

And you kissed him, it was weak and both of your lips were trembling from the emotions you were currently drowning in, but the contact made your heart seem to reboot itself. Like it decided to slowly resume beating.

"I love you," Yoongi voice cracked in a small whisper, but those three little words had never offered such an intense affect on you like this before. "And I'm s-so sorry."

You leaned your forehead against his gently and both of you closed your eyes, reveling in the contact, in the proximity of which you two were in.

After a moment you leaned back, looking at his face, burning the image of his handsome features onto your brain.

"Don't be sorry," you decided to say, voice still unstable, but you took a deep breath, trying to steady it. "We're going to get you help, okay?"

Yoongi just stared up at you, as if he were studying your features and trying to tattoo them into his mind like you had done with him.

"You're going to be okay, Yoongi. I'm here with you, we'll get through this together. Every single step, I'll be right here, okay?"

He settled back into the bed, taking a deep breath, squeezing your hand once more.

"Okay."

Three years later.

With both hands full of groceries, you struggled to open the front door, ending up twisting the knob just enough to eject it and then kicking it open with your foot the rest of the way.

You hobbled into the small house with your multiple bags, pushing the door shut quietly with your foot because it was late in the evening, also known as someone's bed time.

Since you ended up having to work a bit late, you told Yoongi to go ahead and fix some instant ramen for himself for dinner since you wouldn't be able to make dinner like you had planned to because of your later shift. But you stopped by the grocery store after work and got everything you needed to make the dinner tomorrow night.

The living room and kitchen lights were still on, but down the small hallway leading to the bedrooms was dark.

Yoongi was nowhere to be found, so you went to the kitchen and dropped your groceries onto the counter before you quietly made your way down the hallway. You stopped at the door with spaceship stickers plastered on it and slowly turned the door knob, quietly easing the door open just a crack, enough for you to peak into the room.

Even though it had been through hell, had broken into pieces and crumbled to dust a few years ago, your heart seemed to have made a full recovery from the incident.

It thumped warmly in your chest at the sight the opened door granted you.

Yoongi was sat up and propped up against the small headboard, your two year old son Jinyoung cradled in one of his arms and a book being held out in his other hand.

Your husband was making what you assumed to be spaceship noises, and Jinyoung was looking up at him with his sweet little gummy smile that he got from the very man above him, giggling at his father's effort to make the book as realistic as possible.

"And then Sammy the spaceship blasted the astroid and boom! He saved the entire universe!"

Jinyoung giggled loudly and Yoongi grinned at your baby boy's hysteria, leaning down to place a kiss on his forehead.

Standing there, watching your two favorite human beings in the whole world, you suddenly thought about the incident three years ago.

You almost lost Yoongi, because he decided to give up.

He couldn't see the end of his dark, looming thoughts and truly believed taking his own life was the only way to stop them from haunting him.

Little did he know at the time, was that there was always a light at the end of the tunnel, he just couldn't see it. But with your endless love and support, and the help of some amazing professionals, he finally caught sight of that light and ran through the tunnel until he reached it and embraced it.

He struggles sometimes, but unlike before, he tells you now whenever he's going through a hard time and it always seem to be nothing you and Jinyoung cannot fix with your unconditional love, reassurance and support.

You and Jinyoung were his team, always cheering him on and rallying around him when he fell down.

It got better for Yoongi, but he almost wasn't around to see it get that way.

"Mama!" Jinyoung shouted once he noticed you standing there in the crack of the door, bringing you out of your deep, whirling thoughts. "Get in bed!"

"Okay, okay.." You grinned, entering the room and crawling into the small bed with Jinyoung and Yoongi.

With Jinyoung smushed in the middle of you two, you and Yoongi situated yourselves until you were all three laying in the bed. After covering your son's face in kisses, you looked up at Yoongi and saw him watching the two of you with an intense fondness and adoration in his eye.

"I love you two," he suddnely said, kissing his son once atop the head and then leaning across him to place a loving kiss onto your lips.

"We love you too baby," you said firmly, staring into his eyes. "Isn't that right, Jinyoung?"

Jinyoung nodded his little head rapidly. "We love Daddy!"

With a mischevious grin, you cocked an eyebrow. "Let's cuddle attack him, what do you think, Jinyoung?"

"Yeah mama!"

And then Yoongi ended up in the middle of the bed with you and Jingyoung latched onto his sides, cuddling him, while Jinyoung kept saying over and over again how much he loved his daddy.

Wrapped up in the people he loved more than words could explain, Yoongi couldn't ever imagine not being here with you two. Life was precious, and despite the dark times that would still make a visit here and there, he loved living.

It got better for Yoongi.

[veryangryhedgehog]

“Ordinary Mike Miller’s Unusual First Day” An Ede Valley story by Hedgehog

Mike Miller considered himself to be very average. His grades were average, his friends were average, he played average soccer. In fact, one could go so far as to say that Mike’s whole life was average, and he was perfectly alright with that. Mike had never been a very imaginative person, he took things for what they were. The way he saw it: he wasn’t starving, or sick, and though his family was not free of the general dysfunction that seemed to plague every familial unit, they genuinely cared about each other. All in all, Mike had a good life, and he wouldn’t have changed anything about it.

Of course, as these things usually do, Mike’s life did change. Rather suddenly and without warning.

It all started on a Monday. Mike’s day had started ordinarily enough. He woke to the heinous beeping of his alarm clock, or as he sometimes called it “The Wailing of the Damned”, ate toast for breakfast, walked to school, and tried to stay awake though algebra. He failed. Mike had a ham sandwich for lunch and bullshitted with his buddies, then he endured Marcell’s history class—which had somehow managed to become even more strange and awkward since his sister had become his TA—and went to soccer practice before heading for home.

He grabbed the mail on the way in. His mother was often so busy with dinner after work that she forgot it in the black box beside their driveway, and Mike had just kind of gotten in the habit of grabbing it for her. But he didn’t bother looking through it; there was rarely anything for him anyway.

“I’m home,” he called, throwing the mail onto the dining room table before heading up to his room to play some video games.

His bedroom was small, and slightly cluttered, with clothes and bric-a-brac strewn around, but it was home. Mike plopped onto his desk chair and booted up his aging laptop—he weren’t no console pleb. Except that just as he was about to start up the new game that everyone was playing, his mom called to him:

“Miiike,” her voice drifted up to him, in that very particular tone that made him tense involuntarily. Oh no. This was about that one time two years ago when he’d been ten feet away from some guys smoking pot, wasn’t it?

He gulped. “Yeah?” He shouted back over his shoulder.

“Come here please.” Uh oh. She only said that when she was serious.

Mike stood from his desk, walking slowly towards the door as his stomach began to drop in slow motion. “Coming,” he said, moving through the hall and down the stairs, to where his mom was waiting.

She held a thick piece of paper and an envelope that from what he could see had had a red, wax seal before she’d opened it. Mike didn’t recognize it. “What’s this?” His mom handed him the paper, her hand shaking.

At first, Mike wasn’t sure what he was looking at. “Dear Michael Miller,” it began in immaculate type. “Every year, we at St. Adelaide’s School for the Gifted like to thank the community of Ede Valley for providing us a home by running a lottery of all eligible students in the area to win a full scholarship, and this year, your name was drawn!”

What? Mike’s mind blanked for a second. Of course, he knew about St. Adelaide’s, everyone did. It was one of the best private schools in the country. Only the best and the brightest were allowed to pass through its prodigious halls. Mike was nowhere near extraordinary; he was about as interesting as floral wallpaper.

“First, let us just say congratulations!” The letter continued. “And that we would be honored to offer you a place among our students at the start of the next semester.” Under that was a bunch of mumbo-jumbo about the “wonderful opportunities” the school offered, etc. etc., but Mike’s eyes began to glaze over.

“Mike...” his mother sputtered, unable to get anything else out.

“What?” He asked.

“Mike!” She beamed, squealing and hugging him.

Well, it was clear that she was happy about this, but Mike wasn’t quite sure. It wasn’t the letter or the school itself that was suspect. He’d heard stories—more like legends, really—about kids getting lucky and going on to be superstars or billionaires or whatever. But why Mike? Out of all of the kids they could have chosen, why him? He was just lucky, he guessed.

Yet the whole prospect worried him. It wasn’t as if it would be that far away from home, but it would be entirely new. New room, new classes, new classmates. Mike hadn’t really had to make new friends in a long time. Most of the kids at the high school he’d known since Kindergarten. Could he really fit in with the talented and wealthy student body St. Adelaide’s boasted?

Still, he had never imagined really making something of his life, but now that he was thinking about it... And plus, his mom was so happy. That poor woman was working her ass off to give him and Cindy a good life; she needed something to be happy about. And it wouldn’t be so bad. He’d still be in town, or close to it, at least, and he could go home most weekends.

So they prepared. His mom helped him with the forms—and the frustration that came with them—they filled several shopping carts full of Target bags, and for a little while, Mike’s stuff took over the living room. This did not help his nerves, because every time he went downstairs he had to pass the pile of bags and boxed Ikea furniture.

“Wow,” his older sister Cindy commented as she paused while making her way to the kitchen from the lair that was her bedroom. “So you’re really going to St. Richalaide’s, huh?”

“God that was always a stupid nickname.” Mike shook his head. “Who came up with it, anyway?”

Shrugging, Cindy chuckled. “Some mythical 5th grader that we will probably never be deemed worthy to meet.” They both laughed. “I’m gonna miss you, little bro,” she said, putting an arm around his shoulder and holding him in a headlock as she gave him a good noogie. Mike, much to his chagrin, was still shorter than her.

“That was sudden,” he said, pulling away.

“Believe me, it’s purely selfish,” Cindy scoffed, moving over to peer into one of the Target bags. “If you’re gone, I’m gonna have to entertain mom.”

Christmas came and went, and as the date of the new semester drew closer, Mike began to actively dread it. He knew that this was a good opportunity for him, whatever that meant, and he still believed that he would have fun. But still. He didn’t know why, but he was completely terrified.

Before he knew it, the appointed move-in date was here. The three of them packed up his mom’s mini-van, and Cindy waved as Mike and their mom drove off towards St. Adelaide’s. Mike stared back at the old house. True, it looked just like all of the other houses on the block, but it had been home to him. It was fine, though. He shook himself. It’d only be gone for a few days, and then he’d be home for the weekend, right?

At the top of the large hill, almost a cliff it was so steep, the school loomed over them as the car got closer and closer. Soon, they were driving up the hill itself, around and around again until Mike felt a little sick. One more corner, and the grey stone of the school gazed down upon him like some ancient gargoyle. “The best and brightest students have entered through my doors,” it seemed to say. “What makes you worthy?”

“Didn’t it used to be an insane asylum or something like that?” Mike asked, his voice small before its grandeur. “The school, I mean.”

“Yep.” His mom nodded. She had obsessively researched St. Adelaide’s in the week after he’d gotten his letter, so much that he could quiz her on anything about it. “Up until the fifties, when it was finally shut down. It was really sad, actually. They just let all of the patients go. No help or anything, just out onto the street. I think I read somewhere that they briefly re-purposed it as a government institution of some kind, but I’m not sure.”

“Wow,” was all Mike could get out as they passed through the rot-iron gate and into the visitor’s parking lot. That was quite a history. Large trees drooped over the pavement and grounds, and gave the whole place a grim, shaded air. It was oddly hushed as he hopped out of the car, the sound of the door slamming echoing throughout the grounds.

He wasn’t the only new kid, of course. It was a new semester, and there were several other families unloading things from cars and vans while a dark-haired woman with a name tag directed them to their destinations from the head of the lot. Yet it was all so quiet. Like they were in a giant library. There was a weight on this place, something Mike couldn’t quite describe. But he shook off the feeling. It was probably just his own nerves.

The lady in charge waved and approached them after a minute, got them all set up with a cart, and gave them directions to Dunsany Hall, the dorm where he’d be staying. “The dorms are co-ed,” the lady explained to his mom as she handed her a map, “but each floor is divided into two wings, with the girls’ rooms on one side and the boys’ on the other, with a common room in the middle. If you have any questions, feel free to let me or any of the dorm supervisors know.”

They thanked her, and began to trundle the cart down the sidewalk and through the trees. Both he and his mom were silent, and as she sighed audibly, Mike wondered what she was thinking. Was she as nervous as he was?

After a minute of taking in the somewhat grey scenery, Dunsany Hall emerged from the shadows. It looked more like an old country manor than a dorm with large, looming windows, and a steep roof. The interior wasn’t much less ominous. It was clearly made for an older time. There were places where the wires for the lights were visible, and the stone walls made the whole place very dark and cold, despite the obvious attempt at the opposite by the brightly-patterned carpet.

The next hour went by in a blur of unpacking. The rooms, he had to admit, were somewhat unconventional. He got his own bedroom, but he did have to share a bathroom with one roommate in a mini “suite” of sorts, as they called it. But Mike simply shrugged. Meh, rich kids had it good. His roommate was not there, but he didn’t have much of an opportunity to think about it, because before he could so much as blink, the room was moved into and it was time for his mom to leave. Mike didn’t really want her to go.

“Well, I’ll see you this weekend,” his mom said. “Call me if you need anything.”

“Yeah, I will.”

“Oh...” Seeing his expression, she smiled, and hugged him, tightly. “I’m so proud of you. You’re so brave.”

“Thanks, mom,” he mumbled, a little embarrassed. But he hugged her back anyway. He hoped she would be okay with just Cindy in the house. His sister could be a little... distant, sometimes.

“I love you.”

“Love you too.”

And then she was gone, and Mike was alone in his new room. He stared at it for a solid minute, at all of his familiar stuff in a strange place, unsure of just what to do with himself. He was alone, he was responsible for his own person. The thought terrified him.

He shook himself. He had to do something or he’d go crazy. But transfer orientation wasn’t for about two hours yet. His computer sat temptingly on the small, wooden desk in the corner. No, that was what his sister did; isolate herself from everyone. Mike had to go talk to somebody. The common room was just down the hall, maybe some people would be there.

But unfortunately, his plans were quickly interrupted as he opened his door just in time to see someone sliding into the suite. Literally. On heelys.

Mike noticed several things about the stranger in quick succession. One: he was very pale, like he hadn’t been properly outside in a long time. Two: he was half-humming, half-singing a vaguely familiar song under his breath, and he wasn’t half bad. Three: his hair was white. Not like that “so blond it’s almost white” color. No, legitimately white. He must have dyed it, because his eyebrows were a normal, brown color, but who in their right mind would want their hair to be that white?

“A different drummer but the same old—oh.” He abruptly stopped as he turned and saw Mike nearly frozen in the doorway. After barely managing to avoid scooting directly into the wall on his heelys, the guy tilted his head to the side and smiled. “You must be the new kid, right?” He stuck out the long sleeve of his sweatshirt, into which he’d cut a hole for his thumb. “I’m Doug Bailey. Looks like we’re roommates. And I was just starting to enjoy the quiet solitude of an empty suite.”

Mike hesitated before shaking his hand. Doug seemed cool enough, but there was something undeniably uncanny about him that Mike couldn’t quite place his finger on. “Mike... Miller,” he replied. “Uh...” his gaze drifted vaguely upwards to Doug’s hair, which in addition to being spotlight white seemed to be actively rebelling against gravity, sticking up in all sorts of unnatural directions.

Doug briefly tried to follow his gaze up to the ceiling. “What? Oh,” he chuckled. “The hair. Would you believe it grows out of my head this color?”

Was he being sarcastic? He was smiling, but Mike couldn’t really tell. “Uh-uh.” He finally shook his head.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t either.”

Just what the hell did that mean? Mike shook his head, unable to come up with a response.

“Anyway,” Doug waved it off, “transfer orientation isn’t for like, eh, a couple of hours, right? Why don’t I show you around?”

“Okay.” Mike shrugged. It was better than sitting around here feeling sorry for himself. “Thanks.”

Doug opened the heavy, wooden door and led the way out into the dark, cavernous hallway. “Don’t mention it. I’ve been here for forever anyway.” He flicked his right wrist idly. It seemed to be a habit of his; Mike had seen him doing it earlier. “I think they do it on purpose, actually.”

“Do what?”

“Pair up us old hats with the newbies,” Doug said from over his shoulder, always a step ahead as he drifted back and forth across the hallway on his nigh-invisible skateboard. “I think they’re hoping we’ll ‘bond’ or something.”

“Yeah...” Mike trailed off as they approached the common room. It was surprisingly cozy now that he got a closer look at it, with a couple of soft chairs and small tables. There was a big TV hanging from the wall and a cabinet full of old board games; Mike thought he even spotted a few Dungeons and Dragons rulebooks through the glass. But the best part was that unlike the rest of the building, it was actually light. A skylight was cut out of the ceiling and the weak sun shone down through it.

“So this is the common room,” Doug gestured, “Where all of the weirdos with nothing better to do congregate.” He seemed to be telling the truth; the room was pretty quiet, and only a few people were milling about. “Oh hey, speaking of which,” he turned and smiled coyly as he caught sight of an Asian girl in the corner with very long, multi-colored pigtails that were almost bigger than her head.

The girl looked up from her phone, unamused.

“Jilli, this is Mike Miller, the new kid,” he gestured, approaching her. “Mike, this is Jilli Nakajima.” Now he bowed deeply, as if presenting a queen. “She’s from Japan.”

“Uh...” Mike stuttered. She was very pretty. Crap, he didn’t know Japanese. The only knowledge he had of that weebo mecca were from the anime that he didn’t like to admit how fond of he was. “Uh, kon’nichiwa, Nakajima-san.” He bowed a little.

“Oh!” She grinned broadly. “Ohiyo, bakayarou-kun!”

Doug leaned over to Mike. “You know, I don’t watch many Japanese Cartoons, but I think she just called you a dumbass.”

“Damn straight I did.” Jilli’s face dropped from its cheerful façade. Now she looked thoroughly unamused.

“You speak English.” Mike felt like an idiot.

“Of course I do,” she smirked a little, rolling her eyes. “I go to an American boarding school. But it’s alright, Mi-kun, at least you got the honorifics right.”

Mike shook his head. “And now you’re never going to let me forget, are you?”

“Nope.” She grinned. “Actually, come to think of it, I also spent the first few years of my life here, in America, I mean, but I wouldn’t expect you to know that. Though you’d be surprised...”

“What do you mean?”

“Jilli’s a former idol,” Doug explained.

She bristled. “I’m only on hiatus,” she insisted through clenched teeth. “Any day now, my manager’s gonna pick me up and—”

“After that stunt you pulled?” Doug laughed. “I don’t think so. Face it, Jil, you’re stuck here just like the rest of us.”

“Wait, what happened?” Mike looked back and forth between the two, feeling utterly lost.

Jilli took a deep breath and closed her eyes, composing herself. “I may have had a slight nervous breakdown, in the middle of a concert.”

“She threw a chair at someone’s head,” Doug confirmed, grinning broadly.

“But she was a little bitch who had it coming!” Jilli snarled, before shaking her head vigorously, nearly smacking Mike in the face with her enormous pigtails. “And that’s how I got sent here.”

“You gotta understand,” Doug interjected. “Most people don’t get big scholarships to go here like you did.” Mike vaguely wondered how he knew that. “You don’t go to St. Adelaide’s, you get sent here.”

“It’s like juvie for kids who are too rich and/or talented to go to juvie.” Jilli nodded. “But that doesn’t matter. The point is, I’m getting out of here soon, unlike this loser.” She pointed to Doug, narrowing her eyes.

“Keep dreaming,” Doug laughed as he turned towards the door. “Anyway, that’s the common room, so...”

Jilli hopped down from the windowsill she had been perching on. “Oh, are you showing him around? I’m coming along too.”

“Whoa whoa, who said you could come?”

Rolling her eyes, Jilli turned to Mike. “I did. And between you and me,” she faux whispered, “he’s kind of an asshole. And I can’t have him corrupting my innocent Mi-kun so easily.” She wrapped her arms around his head. Mike suddenly felt like the child caught in the middle of a very dysfunctional marriage.

“I am sixteen,” he said when she let him go.

“I know dear, I know.” She turned back to Doug. “And besides, you’ve done a pretty shit job of it so far. You haven’t even finished the common room yet, and you’re all set to leave.”

“What are you talking about?” Doug laughed. “This is the common room. He’s seen it. What else is there—“

“You haven’t introduced everyone yet,” she flipped her head towards the other side of the room, where a boy and girl were sitting next to each other, reading out of the same book. They hadn’t even looked up once.

Doug gave Jilli an indescribable face. “What, do you want me to introduce him to the entire flipping student body?”

“No, just the interesting ones. That’s Sonia,” she gestured to the girl, a willowy, blonde thing that seemed to draw all of the limited light in the room. “She is the nicest person you will ever meet, and the guy next to her is Gil. He’s a little...”

But she didn’t have time to finish. The crazy gold contact, the long, dark hair pulled back into a ponytail—with a ribbon, no less—and the obnoxiously ornate cosplay coat said it all. “Not all there?” Mike offered politely.

“Fuckin’ weird,” said Doug at the same time.

“I was going to say eccentric, but those work too.” Jilli shrugged. “He’s not an asshole or anything—“

“In your opinion,” Doug added.

“He’s just got a really bad case of Chuunibyou.”

Doug blinked. “Your what hurts?”

“Chuunibyou...” Mike racked his brain. “Isn’t that like when someone roleplays so hard that they uh, actually start to believe it or something?”

Nodding, Jilli glanced over to make sure they weren’t listening and turned away. “Yeah, it’s really common back in Japan. They call it ‘Middle School Syndrome.’”

“What’s his wizard roleplay name again?” Doug snorted. “Gil... Gild...”

“That’s Gilveidan the All-Knowing to you,” said a deep voice from directly behind them. Mike turned, only to come face to face with Gil, who was actually quite tall and slightly intimidating. “And the term is ‘Warlock’, thank you very much. This is one of the new apprentices, I take it?” He turned to Mike, who gulped. The golden contact in his right eye caught the sunlight at just the right angle to make it glow, and Mike was suddenly stuck with the bizarre idea that it wasn’t a contact at all. But the moment passed as Gil nodded. “You seem to possess potential. Prey you do not disappoint me.”

“Oh, Gil, don’t scare the new boy,” Sonia laughed through a thick, Russian accent as she hopped up to join them. “It’s his first day.”

“You are right, as usual. My apologies.” He dipped his head to Mike. “Allow me to present my Dark Mistress, the Lady Sonia Valentina Borozovna.”

Doug sniggered uncontrollably behind them, and even Sonia smiled a little, despite herself. Gil shot Doug a glare as cold as ice, which abruptly shut him up.

“Is... that your real name?” Mike asked.

“Da, is traditional Russian name.” She smiled broadly, revealing white, if slightly crooked teeth. It was a nice smile.

“It’s very long.”

Sonia laughed, surprisingly loud and deep for someone of her small frame. “Oh that is nothing. There are much longer names back in Rossiya. Would you care to join us?” She offered. “Gil is introducing me to... H... P. Lovecraft. Is very good writer. Uses very big words.”

Mike opened his mouth to answer, but Doug quickly cut him off. “We-hell, would you look at the time? There’s only an hour-and-a-half before the transfer meeting and we’ve still got a loooot of school to see.” He practically began to drag Mike and Jilli away from the common room.

Once they were well out of earshot, Doug allowed himself to laugh. “‘Dark Mistress’, oh my god. If that’s not the cringiest thing you’ve ever heard.”

"Oh, he's not so bad," Jilli insisted, though she giggled a little too. “He’s just—“

“Weird.”

“Delusional,” Mike and Doug supplied simultaneously.

“Okay, yeah, maybe,” Jilli finally conceded. “I think Sonia’s about the only one who can stand him.”

“Though she’s not necessarily all there herself,” Doug shrugged.

Mike glanced back and forth between the two. “What do you mean? She seemed pretty normal to me.”

“She’s...” Jilli began. “Air-headed in this oddly specific way.”

Seeing his confused expression, Doug stepped in, or in his case, slid. “Sometimes she’ll just stare at a spot and nod and shit like someone’s talking to her.”

“We think it may be schizophrenia, but no one’s brave enough to ask her.” Jilli shrugged.

“Yeah,” Doug began sniggering again. “We’re all afraid Gil’ll put a curse on us or something.”

“So, are they like, a thing, or...?” Mike began.

Doug snorted. “Who knows?”

“Um, everyone who isn’t completely self-absorbed,” Jilli said. “They’re not ‘together’, but they’re together.” She kept walking.

Which left Doug and Mike to blink in confusion, the former turning towards the latter. “What does that even mean?”

By this point, they had reached the stairs. They were broad, with a wooden banister running all the way to the bottom. Without hesitation, Doug slid down the banister like he’d done it a million times. This whole school was beginning to seem like his personal playground. Jilli rolled her eyes. Mike couldn’t help thinking that Gil and Sonia weren’t the only weird ones in this joint.

“Anyway,” Doug called as he waited for Mike and Jilli to catch up. “There’s not much else to see in the dorm. Campbell’s a lot cooler, it’s got a pool and everything.”

“Just my luck to get stuck in the crappy dorm,” Mike sighed.

“So where are we going next, oh all-knowing tour guide?” Jilli asked, hands on her hips.

Doug waggled his head back and forth in thought. “Uh, probably Bloch. That’s where most everything is.”

He led the way out of the dorm, and down the shady, snow-covered path. Mike continued to be amazed at just how little sunlight made it through the thick, drooping leaves of the trees above. It was also exceptionally quiet; there was a certain weight to the grounds that seemed to permeate everything. Mike shivered through his coat, his breath hanging heavy in the air.

Ahead of them, the Bloch building was a sullen cat glowering at them from the shadows. God, what was with Mike today? Not everything was all doom and gloom! He shook himself, and followed Doug and Jilli into the belly of the beast. No, stop that.

“This was one of the original buildings back when this place was an asylum.” Doug’s voice came out small against the weight of the old foyer.

“That explains the lack of heat,” Mike mumbled.

“Yeah, well most of our classes are here, so you better get used to it.” Jilli smiled rather sarcastically, before following Doug off to the left.

A few students milled about the hallways, alone or in small groups, but as with the rest of the place, they were all oddly quiet. “So that’s the cafeteria.” Doug pointed to the right, through a pair of large doors. “The food’s fuckin’ gross, but your taste buds will get poisoned eventually, and then it doesn’t matter anymore. Oh, and morning meetings are mandatory, so don’t think you can get out of breakfast.”

“Really?” Mike frowned. “Why?”

“They say it’s to make sure we get a ‘good start to our day’, and take attendance, but it’s really so that the Director can keep an eye on us and make her speeches and stuff.” Jilli broke in

“Who’s the Director?” Mike asked.

“Only the biggest mystery in St. Adelaide’s,” Doug grinned broadly, waving his hands like he was telling a ghost story. “She’s basically the principle, but no one’s ever seen her; she only talks over the speakers, and uses this crazy-ass voice changer. No one’s really sure if she’s even a ‘she’ at all.”

Mike started to think that Doug was pulling his leg. This sounded too weird to be legitimate. “And no one questions this?”

“With the results this school pulls out?” Jilli scoffed. “It could be run by a monkey and no one would give a damn.”

“But there’s been plenty of crazy rumors over the years.” Doug was now gliding backwards down the hallway. “Everything from aliens to rogue AI.”

“Speaking of the strange and bizarre,” Jilli cut in, “look where we are, Doug.”

The two boys turned to the door that she was smugly pointing at. The gold plaque screwed onto it read: “The Blackwood Library”.

“Oh hell no.” Doug shook his head fiercely. “We are not going in there. I’ve had enough crazy for one day.”

“But the tour wouldn’t be complete without a tour of our studying facilities,” Jilli grinned, before turning to Mike to add: “Not that anyone actually studies or anything. Especially in there.”

Mike was just plain curious now. “I’d... I’d like to see the library.” He had to admit, it was kind of funny pissing Doug off.

“I’m not going to win here, am I?” Doug sighed. “Alright then, let’s go.”

Jilli pushed open the old, worn door and Mike had to struggle not to cough as a nigh impenetrable cloud of dust met his nose. “Wow, you’re right,” he said. “No one does go in here.”

The room beyond was lofty and cavernous, with a wraparound balcony in addition to the main floor. But most of all, it was filled with books. They were everywhere, spilling from the shelves, stacked in piles feet high on every available surface. And they weren’t even fun books either, mostly old tomes full of facts dryer than a saltine cracker.

“Oh, there’s someone here.” Jilli smiled ominously.

Doug leaned over to Mike. “Yeah, she’s the reason no one else is.”

“Jilli? Is that you?” A voice asked from the depths of the gloom.

“Yep. And I brought some friends.”

“F-f-friends?” Mike thought he caught a glimpse of someone from behind what he thought must be the librarian’s desk underneath all of the books and papers, but they let out a high-pitched squeak and hid behind a stack taller than Mike as soon as their eyes met. “Are any of them cute boys?”

“Well, there’s Doug,” Jilli made a face.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“But the new kid isn’t bad,” she continued, ignoring Doug completely. Mike blushed.

There was a pause. “A new kid, you say?” The head reappeared from behind the teetering column of tomes. “Is break really almost over already?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“Oh, and I just got started in on my reading, too...” the girl, and Mike could see now that the person was a girl, grabbed a book from the pile and began meandering towards them. “I’ve been reading about death recently,” she muttered to her book, not even bothering to glance up at them, owl-like, until she was only a few inches away. “Do you know that almost every culture has its own, utterly unique interpretation of why people die? It’s just fascinating.” She grinned broadly, shifting her gaze between the three while wiggling the fingers of her free hands excitedly.

“And you must be the new boy.” She turned to Mike, licking her lips. “Abigail Hodge, student librarian.” She stuck out her hand. “But you’re cute, so you can call me Abby if you want.”

“Uh... Mike Miller,” said Mike, quite at a loss for words.

“A pleasure.” She stared at him for a moment longer, unblinking. Mike could see why people avoided the library. “You’re quite... ordinary, aren’t you?” she finally asked.

“Uh, sorry what?”

“Oh, you just look very... average,” Abigail smiled, tilting her head to the side. “We don’t get many like that around here. You could say that you’re very... special, in that regard.”

“Thanks?” Mike took a small, singular step backwards.

In the second Abigail looked down to her book again, Doug began making furious gestures to Jilli over Mike’s head. Jilli sighed. “Well, it’s been nice talking to you, Abby, but we still have to show him the rest of the school, so...”

“Oh! Right, of course.” Abigail began to turn back to the desk, and the others made to leave. “It was nice meeting you, Mr. Ordinary.” The last word seemed to echo for a moment before Doug shut the door behind them.

He let out a big puff of air. “Why did we go into her lair again?”

“I don’t know. I guess ‘cuz I feel kind of bad for her,” Jilli replied. “No one ever talks to her, and she’s been here even longer than we have.”

“Whatever, let’s keep going.” Doug muttered. “Maybe that’ll shake the creep off of me.”

The rest of the tour was pretty uneventful. Doug and Jilli kept an ongoing commentary as they walked through a few classrooms and some of the other school facilities. The gym was very large, and the weight room was impressive, but they didn’t stay in either for very long. Neither Jilli nor Doug were really “athletic types,” and the only reason Mike had kept up with soccer so long was because that’s what all his friends did.

Soon, it seemed as if the tour was coming to an end, but one last door caught Doug’s eye. “Aw, let’s stop in the shop and see Victor.”

“And get sawdust in my hair?” Jilli crinkled her nose. “Do you know how long it takes to wash that out?”

“Hey, I put up with the library so now you owe me.” Doug smirked. “It’s a little thing called jolly cooperation, but you probably haven’t heard of it.”

“Don’t be an asshole,” she grimaced, looking about ready to punch him. “But fine, we’ll go. But I’m blaming you when I have to use three rounds of shampoo.”

“Well excuse me, Princess,” Doug laughed, before turning and grunting slightly as he heaved the metal door open.

Beyond, the room was dark, save for a single work light towards the back, where Mike could see someone hunched over a tarp. Just as Doug raised his hand in greeting, the person flipped a switch, and whatever was under the tarp started vibrating furiously as sparks flew and the work light began to flicker.

“Yes!” The figure laughed. “It’s alive, it’s alive, it’s—“ With one more spark and a giant pop, all his machinery turned off and the thing stopped moving. “—oh, crap.”

“Yo, Victor!” Doug called, giggling like a maniac. “Another failure?” He began walking towards the work light, and Mike and Jilli followed behind.

Victor was tall, and broad-shouldered. He was one of those people who seemed a little bigger than he should be, for he remained slightly hunched over, as if trying to make himself smaller. Pulling the goggles from his face, he blinked through the darkness until catching a glimpse of white hair.

After turning on the other lights, he relaxed. “Oh, hi Doug. Unfortunately, yes. I think it’s a problem with the parts, but I’ll have to do some troubleshooting,” he began muttering to himself, looking back towards the tarp. It took him a solid minute to notice that Doug was not alone.

“Who...?” He started, before Doug interrupted him.

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot. You know Jilli.”

She waved.

“And this is Mike. He’s new, so we’re showing him around.”

“Ah, hello.” Victor stuck out a hand. “Victor West. I... I-I build robots. Yes. Robots.”

Mike shook it. “So you’re not reanimating the dead?” He asked, looking over at the tarp.

“What? No, no, no, no, no.” He shook his head fiercely. “No, this is just machinery.” Victor banged an elbow against the tarp to demonstrate how it banged. “Nope, nothing human about it at all, hahaha.”

Right. Mike didn’t believe him for a second. But by now he was so desensitized to the weird that he almost didn’t care. Almost.

“So uh Doug,” Victor turned, changing the subject. “You didn’t happen to stop by the library, did you?”

“Yeah, but only because Princess here insisted.” He rolled his eyes, pointing to Jilli. “Ran into Ms. Foureyes and everything.”

“Abigail?” Victor’s voice cracked a little as he perked up. “She didn’t happen to, uh, mention me, did she?”

Eyes widening, Doug stared at Victor with his mouth hanging open, horrified. “Dude,” he said. “Really?”

Victor blinked, looking helpless.

Doug sighed and reached up to put a hand on the taller man’s shoulder. “I’ll be back later to discuss this ‘development’.”

“It is almost four,” Mike added, somewhat unhelpfully. “The transfer meeting starts then.”

“Right. We’re gonna help Mike find his ‘look at our school isn’t it amazing’ meeting and then I’ll be back. Alone—” he added as Jilli opened her mouth. “We need to have a serious talk about this, alright?”

Victor nodded, his cheeks long since turned a bright pink.

“It was nice to meet you.” Mike waved as they turned to leave, before jumping a little as the thing under the tarp twitched once more. Victor waved back, seeming oddly small in the big room, despite his stature.

The rest of the day passed by in a blur of confusion. Doug and Jilli dropped him off at the auditorium like two proud parents before turning around and immediately beginning to bicker. And then there was the transfer meeting itself, which was a bunch of smiling peppy people shouting “Ra ra ra!” just as Doug had said. Admittingly, however, Mike couldn’t tell you much else about it, as he might have zoned out on his phone halfway through.

Dinner afterwards was shitty cafeteria food—yum!—and then Mike went back to the dorm. There were several other “activities” for the new students, but Mike thought he would barf if he saw one more fake smile. Though that may have been the cold pizza talking.

Dunsany was quiet when he got back, though not quite as much as it had been that afternoon. Most of the other students were arriving now, and there were several people in the common room, though none that Mike recognized. He passed by it, back to the suite. Doug’s room was dark, must have still been out with Victor or something, and Mike spent a quiet evening on his laptop watching stupid sitcoms.

As he lay in bed that night, Mike’s thoughts drifted to the events of the day as thoughts are wont to do. He wondered whether everyone in this school was weird, or if Jilli and Doug just happened to know all of them. In a strange way, Mike didn’t mind their various eccentricities, he just wanted to know more about them. He had known that the atmosphere would be different here—rich kids and all—but this was something else. Chuunibyou and weirdos, Russians and mad inventors, it made Mike feel very... ordinary.

He had always considered himself as such, but now he was wondering if it just made him boring. Then he remembered something Abigail had said: here, he was the unusual one. An unusual person to compliment a highly unusual day.

Mike laughed to himself. He was still really nervous, and little scared, yet at the same time, there was a tingling of excitement. It was as if he was waiting for something, though he didn’t know just what.

Well, whatever it was, it would come. For now, he had to sleep, because odds were that his second day was going to be even weirder.

[gooddame]

Klaroline putting together ikea furniture

AN: I am so sorry I took a million years to write this but I do hope you’ll love the idea I came up with on a whim. Moreover I want to thank @kickassfu for being a big part of the reason this was so long and took so long.

Please help me thank the lovely @denielapple, for prompting me. Happy reading loves!

For the last few days he had been more than high strung, Klaus knew but it was Rebekah’s own fault. He also found it ludicrous that she would try to insinuate that his mood had anything to do with a certain blonde staying in his loft for the week as his frown deepened at the feel of his phone ringing in his pocket.

It was Caroline’s tone, he had it set that way for no particular reason at all other than boredom he always rationalized with himself. He sought out his phone as he picked it from his pocket muttering as he answered.

“I can’t believe this,” Klaus’ accented voice filled Caroline’s ear with an annoyed tone she hoped wasn’t directed at her. It was.

Ignoring him however was always her first instinct so she went for it, “Klaus,” she greeted him over the phone as she finished her signature off on the tablet reciving the packaged Klaus had asked her to look out for.

Lines formed on her face forming a grim look as the delivery men let themselves out with bashful looks across their faces. She had only looked away a second to slide on her heel when she heard the loud scratching sound across the what she presumed was an expensive floor job. Now she was left to explain the occurance to her, er, host? To Klaus.

Her eyes automatically rolled back when he spoke however using that condesending tone that truly grated her nerves from time to time, “Caroline, I thought we agreed you wouldn’t call me at work.” Klaus greeted her in turn.

With a deep breath Caroline took the high road, “Well I thought,” she paused reversing her decision when he made a deep sound in his throat, “You know, with my lady brain. That you would want to know your custom order bed just landed on your custom designed wood floors scratching the entrance.”

There was a pause so brief that she could picture the rubber band of his mind possibly snapping when he hissed rather darkly into the receiver, “I’ll be right there, Marcel!” He called to someone in the distance.

Klaus felt his hand twitch as Rebekah passed his office door on the way to her own unbeknownst to her Caroline was on the line for him. He held the phone between his ear and shoulder as he scribbled down a note focusing on the discerning tone the blonde he had thought about every day of his adult life about. Marcel stepped into his office as the line went dead on her end signalling his dismissal Klaus prerended the line was still active and dismissed the call of his own accord before he engaged with his colleague.

Caroline fought to stifle her laugh as she hung up the call, her eyes forcibly noticed the time registered on the screen. She was so going to be late for her interview, Caroline thought in a panic before she grabbed her bag to go. Staying with Klaus this weekend was not exactly her idea even though it had made sense logically to not get an expensive hotel room when his guest suite was available.

Or at least that was what Rebekah had said and Caroline had just been repeating it to herself since then. Klaus and herself only got along once, once, Caroline shivered as she wondered if she would ever suppress the memory of his lips. Of his tongue brushing hers, reliving it she shook herself from the sensation.

“Get over it,” she muttered to herself as she made her way out of the building pausing only to smile at the frontdoor man.

Having been drunk kissing and grinding against your best friend’s brother’s pelvis against a staircase during a college party wasn’t her best moment. Both of them pretending it never happened after that wasn’t far behind on things Caroline would like to suppress. Although now was turning out to be fantastic, she wished she would get to see his face as he set eyes on the scratch but alas she had a certain poacher to impress.

When Klaus opened his front door he called for Caroline only to realize far too late what day it actually was so the blonde in question was already gone. A heaviness overtook him in the solitude of his home as he took a deep breath only to catch her temporary, he reminded himself,  lingering scent filling his nostrils. His eyes then fell to the floor, the three foot long new feature marring his designer floor did not improve his sour mood.

Working efficiently Klaus removed his suit jacket and undid his tie as he reached for the house phone prepared for battle with the store manager. After an hour on both his cell phone and house phone he had untucked his shirt and removed his trouser socks and shoes but he had won a few small battles. The retailers had been overly friendly but untilmately unhelpful after the purchase had been made and the delivery crew he had hired to pick the custom bed up from the store had left the premises while he was at work which left him to duel with the delivery team.

He had been smart about the insurance policy but in the end was out still a hefty sum making him wonder why he got insurance in the first place. Klaus then checked the clock on the stove and he saw it was drawing passed dinner, long past the time Caroline said she would be free. He had hoped to scrape some time together to diplomaticlly discuss her position, he groaned at the censoring of his own thoughts.

His eyes shut he rubbed his face with his hand as he hoped to scrub away the desire to see her enter and smile for a brief moment before she realized that they dispised one another. Something that was easier to admit to whether it was false or not than to admit to the truth which was that he was irrevocably in love with Caroline Forbes. Klaus found himself in the kitchen looking through his fridge like a bored bloody teenager opening and shutting the door as he thought maybe something new would appear each time.

He was wrong so instead he reached for a lager and a tupperware container that had her name on it. He smiled at the yellow post-it that read,

‘Dinner for Friday-Caroline, p.s. DON’T TOUCH KLAUS.’

“Opps,’ he laughed in the quiet of his loft allowing himself a moment of reward as he shut the door to the fridge after he gathered another ale in his hand.

Caroline was fried after she had spent the day in a series of interviews. She had found herself arriving back his place late that evening after a dinner with her boss or hopefully her new boss. She was confident after a day of questions and scenarios that she would be one of the top people taken into consideration for the position but again nothing was offical yet.

She rummaged in her bag for the spare Rebakah had lent her hopeful that due to the late hour Klaus wouldn’t even be an issue. Her hopes diminished when the door opened and Caroline walked in to find Klaus holding a lager by the kitchen bar standing as if waiting for her.

He heard the key jingle from the hallway outside and knew it was her but made no move to leave his place by the marble island. Klaus ignored the fact that he might have had a drink too many to properly discuss what he had been planning on discussing. The soft buzz of his body reminded him of ears ago when he felt her supple body against his writhing with intensity. They had been interrupted but Klaus had hoped rather foolishly that Caroline and he would have time to sort out what had happened between them and how wrong had he been.

With visions of days before he faced her, watched as she slung her keys back into her bag unaware of him, "You’re in late,” he observed darkly from the other end of the long open concept living room.

What little of her smile was left was diminished as their stare down grew intense, “Okay, hi mom,” Caroline snorted as she made to avoid him by walking directly towards her room, “It’s barely ten so I think I’m early enough for curfew!”

He chuckled dryliy, “Adorable, really,” he said offensively as he perched his back against the wall, “The delivery team said you signed off so they’re not as liable as I’d like for them to be.”

Caroline felt that it was as if he was pushing for a fight. Looking poorly to her to take his day out on, it was then she grumbled under her breath about a perfectly good day ruined. The blonde counted the five bottles on thenisland and rolled her eyes when it all made sense.

Klaus hardly drank, a glass or two of burbon but after that he normally was fine so naturally this beguilled her, “That’s what you do with a package,” she reminded him of society’s code of conduct, “You sign for it!”

Klaus watched her, he felt like a predator wolf lurking out for his prey. Caroline was the perfect prey and he longed to see the face she made when he ruffled her perfect feathers. He lips seemed to pout, green eyes ablazed, her whole being sermed to light up so blinding like her own sun no need to tell her it was all settled.

Caroline felt her insides boil over at the near smirk he gave her as his eyes lit up like ready, set, go. The same deep, penetrated look he gave her that night, the exact same look he gaves her each time before the pair have them argue. Damn him, her mind shouted at her as he stalked forward talking measured steps until he was before her nearly pressing her to her door sending up all sorts of red flags.

His tongue darted out tasting the ale on his lips as he watched her closely, “Now I’m out thousands of dollars,” Klaus replied sounding indifferent.

Distracted as their eyes locked he spoke, “Caroline,” his tongue danced over her name as his breath lined with hints of his lager fanned her cheeks, “All over a bed.”

She sucked in a breath and realized her mistake a second too late when her senses were violated by his day old aftershave and delectable aroma that was always so perfectly Klaus. Her mind and body malfunctioning in a high degree as she fought to exhale her anxiety, her eyes darting from his mouth to his neck. Why, her every part of her asked and Caroline had no answer as he smirked and she had no idea which one of her reactions had caused it.

It was a moment suspended in time just like this that would forever be locked in his mind. Caroline was a vision, Klaus was big enough to admit to himself that he was a fan of every part of her. But this, fire, he named it, he sought it out only to recreate it as a sketch immortalized forever time and again.

Her eyes turned to slits, she felt her face colour, her body heat in a way that was not entirely unwelcome. So she was surprised when she missed her hand placed over his broad, hard chest. Caroline distinguished the surprise that lit his fearures before he could isolate them and stow such human feelings aside. And it did not stop her from being very close to telling him just where he could stick his, er, bed frame.

“A bed you haven’t stopped talking about.” Caroline rejoindered with a narrowed look of her own as she took in the picture he made, displeased expression doing nothing to diminish his handsomeness as his brows knit together in deep concentration.

His manicured thumb grazed her knuckles just so making her gasp before her fingers pulled her own hand away and she balked, “Why isn’t it set up by the way?” Forcing her voice steady.

Spell gone, the frission of the moment dispersed, Klaus’ eyes drifted from her lips to the door behind her tracing the pattern as he struggled for words if only momentarily, “The man I’m paying to set it up was unavailable until noon tomorrow,” his answer came in an unsatisfactory fashion.

All at once the light extinguished in his eyes but Caroline hardly noticed it as she spoke, “Klaus its a bed, do it yourself.” She told him before she scathed, “Moneybags.” Under her breath while her back leaned against the door.

Disdain, he read it so clearly on her face that it disappointed him, “You know,” he started to say lager in his hand as he gestured to her.

“Just when I think we’re seeing eye to,” he stopped himself always careful to never reveal too much just like the morning after their first kiss as he took a step back and then another leaving Caroline breathless, “Nevermind. Goodnight Caroline.”

Caroline’s hands at her sides clutch for purchase against the door as her mind and heart struggled in his retreat to figure out just what had transpired between them. Vaguely she heard him drop the bottle in the sink as he stormed to his office where Caroline was certain he had a layaway bed in the sofa. All this occured to her but moving, letting this moment go, frightened her to her core. So she waited, collected herself  before she slid into the safety of her room.

Klaus could not be enticed to sleep even after the generic Murphy bed had been pulled down and he had changed the sheets something was wrong with him. His secret turmoil spilling out in aggravated breaths and grunts as he removed his loosely buttoned shirt with rolled up sleeves and his tailored slacks. He sat up with a feeling of dislike as he muttered the nickname that had marred her lips as it slipped through before walking to his bedroom where it lay over the carpet that protected this floor.

Her first uttered thought after she realized she was awake was the curse word she heard Klaus speak not a moment later. She had struggled to get some sleep after their little tiff hours earlier preparing for bed in a mechanical fashion as she pulled on a light blue silk slip gown. A soft mournful yawn escaped Caroline as she found herself awake yet again in the middle of the night thinking of him. Maybe it was the fact that she was in his city, in his bed, Caroline felt her face heat at the false thought that escaped her when she heard another bang sound.

The side of her face rubbed at her pillow as she willed herself to sleep, to shut her eyes and stop listening. Why was he so enthralling? She scoffed at herself, “You mean irritatingly confusing Caroline,” her mind wandered out loud.

“I’m in far too deep,” she whined to herself rubbing her eyes knowing that sleep would never come for her now.

Earlier her tiredness has worn her into a slumber but now it seemed her body, mind and most terribly her heart was eager to figure out the noises that had piqued her ears interest. At the sound of a groaned sigh followed by a metal clacking Caroline began to sit up in her temporary bed. A deep exhaled escaped her as she looked around the room her fingers playing with the delicate necklace her father gave her when she was younger, the final gift he gave her before he  passed. Caroline felt her heartbeat under her chest as she copied the beat with her breaths.

She felt warm, almost too hot as she started to shove the floral covers off of her body in an effort to cold down. Quickly after she sat up Caroline realized that he too must have been bothered by the conversation between them and had in fact woken up. It was when she heard another term she wasn’t overly familar with followed by a grunt of the wood he was working on that the blonde knew what he was up to.

“Cheeky little,” Klaus sighed as Caroline listened quietly from her place on the bed.

With a deep breath she eyed the ceiling following the crown moulding as another groan escaped his bedroom floating across the vast loft through her door. It seemed to Caroline that he was confused, fustrated, that he felt now how she had felt before when she had spoken to him. She rationalized quickly however that she was thinking far too much about what had happened and comparing both situations was entirely useless becauae Klaus simply did not feel for her what she had always felt for him.

It was a sober thought to Klaus that he had her so near and yet it he had never felt more distant from Caroline. Often, more often than not, he had pondered why his heart was resistant to the charms of another more willing offer. Still, his heart persisted in loving a woman that would never have him he thought with a groan as he tossed away the wooden frame.

Caroline fought within herself, with her scattered, tired thoughts, that Klaus might feel something similar to how she felt. Be that in the situation from before or her ongoing battle with her heart to let him go as she brushed the hair from her face back behind her ears. She willed the idea away that Klaus felt something possibly similar to what she did as she leaned further down catching wisps of what he muttered.

“Calm down, Niklaus, you have a degree in….” She heard him as he bemoaned to himself possibly berating himself for his lack of everyman knowledge that she had mocked him for not having.

Caroline stilfed a laugh as she wrapped her robe losely over her shoulders tiptoeing to the door, “Niklaus,” she whispered into the dark walkway as she took quiet steps towards the kitchen.

Her idea had been to make him a tea, as a sign of peace when she almost knocked over the kcup box to find more than the few she had used missing. Caroline smiled to herself as she decided to make a coffee seeing as it was nearing four am. He cursed again sounding closer than he did in her bedroom.

For a moment Caroline thought she had been caught out but Klaus was far too preoccupied across the apartment to worry about her. Gathering the mug she normally used knowing it would annoy him because it was actually his favorite. She worked diligently calling on her barista skills from her college days until the mug sat in steaming glory now ready with warm liquid perfection and she strolled through the loft freely.

Klaus really did have good taste, she thought looking at the decor of the room for the first time without feeling self conscious about being there. Caroline allowed herself a peek inside the opening of his office as her back brushed the back of the open door. His scent seemed to surround her, his essence flooding her with awareness as her feet moved to step away. Her soft steps were barely registered in her mind as she seemed to float to his bedroom coated in courage as she reached for the door handle.

“I will find you and I will kill you,” he promised the missing screw he had lost as he searched the pocket of his gray sweatpants.

This time Caroline did giggle making Klaus stutter in his idle threats as his eyes shut in embarrassment. What a picture he must have made on his hands and knees scouring the plush brown carpet he thought as he willed himself to look to her. Klaus bit his tongue minutely grateful he had managaged not to swallow it at the sight if her barely clothed leaning against his doorway.

“Klaus,” she sighed crossing her arms as she sipped from his mug unaware of what it did to him, “The tree is already dead.” She reasoned, “Don’t torture it.”

Caroline complimented herself inwardly for not gawking at his bare chest, only taking a sip of his coffee to hide her jaw dropping as he spoke from his place on the floor, “This is not a true screwdriver,” he proclaimed waving the silver tool that had come with the instructions.

“Did you google it?” Caroline asked as she skirted her way into the room as she tried for nonchalance.

“Caroline,” her name grumbled deep in his throat in reply as he watched her come to her knees next to him bewildered.

“Here, sip, shush,” she smiled as she held out his mug for him to take his hand reaching as he appraised her long legs beside him.

If she noticed as much she didn’t mention it which was fantastic because he had not planned on another fight, “Coffee?” He sniffed looking at the caramel liquid she gifted him as he imagined it was a show of peace.

She made a grab for the tiny screwdriver in his hand pointing it at him with it when she did, “Don’t pretend you bought that for me,” Caroline replied jovilly, “The k-cups were already half gone.”

He simpered edging closer to her on his knees until she could feel his body heat radiating in the leftover space, “No one can know,” he said in a conspiring tone.

She blushed even as her mouth fell open, “Are we sharing secrets?” Caroline asked him in near glee as a shiver slid down her spine.

“Well,” he paused dramatically to drink a sip of coffee, “I showed you mine, Love,” he flirted with a wink in her direction.

Frazzled didn’t begin to explain how Caroline felt as she made her way around him to take in what he had actually accomplished, with a chuckle she told him, “I’ll handle this side.”

They worked in a comfortable silence with Klaus on one end and Caroline working not so far away from him sharing the instructions. A look every so often shared between them lingered as they steadily completed the frame of the bed until finally they only had one section left. Caroline felt Klaus’ chest against her back as she struggled with the tightening of the last screw, his arms reaching around her to help her finish.

He didn’t know why it felt so natural to wrap himself around her though he wagered it was a mixture of lack of sleep and the lateness of the hour as he released the silver tool into her care. Caroline smiled as she turned her head to look at him as she rose up and lifted her leg up over the newly built frame. His eyes followed her to the mattress wrapped in plastic by his closet door watching as she gestured with her head for him to help.

Klaus flushed as he realized what she was silently asking, “How are you so patient?” He queried as he stood struuing towards the new mattress as she finished unwrapping it.

Caroline grinned as they lifted the memory foam mattress off of the carpet settling into a slow pace towards the bed, “How are you not?” She asked as her robe slid down for the fifth time that last hour, “You have siblings.”

Klaus smiled at her reasoning as he quipped, “Aggravating to a fault,” not expecting her reply to be witty or revealing.

The blonde nightmare qcross from him scoffed though she agreed with him, “Just like you,” she pointed out as they slipped the bed into place.

Klaus felt the concerned creases pf his forehead and eyes form at the acknowledgment of his usal behavior, “You find me aggravating?” He couldn’t help but ask.

Caroline walked around the bed, her fingers fussed with the silk rope around her waist that kept coming loose as she thought out her reply, “I find you,” she paused with a small blush he barely caught, “Frustrating.”

Intrigued Klaus caught her warm, soft hand without a second thought as she tried to walk to his door distracting her, “In what way?” He asked curiously.

She smiled at the feel of her hand in his looking down at their entwined hands, “I’ll keep that to myself,” she let out in a breath.

“I thought we were sharing secrets,” Klaus pressed with a swift motion of his hand tugging on hers to pull her body that much closer to his so he could catch the light going up in her eyes up close.

“Klaus,” she barely whispered as he set her hand over his heart as it had been earlier that evening so that his own hands could slant down her ribs to her waist pushing her closer.

“Caroline,” her name flitted across her lips causing flutters of delight to course through them as their eyes searched one anothers.

Her hands found themselves going up, up, up over his arms, her fingers pressing into his shoulders and neck. His stubble tickled her cheeks, his teeth pricked her bow lips as time seemed to once more suspend in a moment. A soft moan escaped her at the feel of his blunt teeth scrapping over her bottom lip but Klaus still waited. His eyes still searched hers, beseeched her permission even as he willed it to be so.

And so her eyelids fell closed as her lips felt his smiling ones slide over her own in feather light kisses before finally tasting the sweet cavern of his mouth once more. Klaus groaned making her laugh softly into their kiss remembering why she had woken up this morning in the first place as she tasted the lingering coffee and toothpaste flavor of his supple mouth. Her lips left his and began to travel his throat, nipping and kissing the expanse of skin there as she listened to the sounds she elicited in him.

His fingers gripped her waist massaging her tired limbs as his hand fought with the front knot of her robe causing her to gasp his name into his neck in response. It was a warning Klaus knew as her hard breath teased his neck spurring on his actions as her own hands grew adventurous over his tense torso causing his muscles to flinch where she touched. His mind went blank as her robe fell back exposing the soft creme color of her shoulders his mouth drying at the sight yet eager to taste.

“It only took nine years,” he uttered gruffly as she laughed, her laugh turning into a sigh when he snared her in for a deep plunging kiss that dueled with the memory of their first.

Please forgive the grammar and late hour of posting! As always your thoughts are apprciated here and on fanfic.net.

[fearofaherobrine]

Roleplay Server Log #279

"Phone-calls From The Bunker, Board Games”

[Doc] Has settled down in the bunker and is bundled up in a blanket. It's a bit cold outside, and xe's reading a book. The wind picks up a little and theres a low howling whistle. Xe casts a look at Sammn whose bundled like a burrito and sleeping uneasily. Xe can't see Lie properly in the gloomy space and calls out to her - Lie? How are you holding up?

[Lie] Peeks out of her blanket cocoon, her hair adding a bit more light- I'm freezing my ass off and have run out of reading material

[Doc] Do you want to use my computer? Also, you can sit next to me you know? I won't bite you.

[Lie] Holds out her phone- I'll be fine if you recharge this for me?

[Doc] Gives her a quizzical look- you want me to shock your phone?

[Lie] - Yes

[Doc] Gets up with a sigh. Xe's dressed more appropriately for the weather in hir lab coat and long pants. They take the small phone and recharge it with an audible crackle- what did you do when I was healing up Lie?

[Lie] - I had the laptop that CP gave me, but I'm not sure where it ended up...  Plus I had a conversation with Dolly's angel

[Doc] Slowly- It got broken... Cp fell on it. And Xophiel talked to you? I know he gave you the fire but... you never told me that.

[Lie] - Oh, I didn't?  Huh...

[Doc] He talked to me briefly when I asked him to steal Lj's box and that was terrifying...

[Lie] - Yeah, he is pretty overwhelming...

[Doc] It's really loud out there. It's making me uneasy.

[Lie] - If you need a break from here for a little bit go right ahead, I can keep an eye on Sammn

[Doc] It's not a matter of needing a break. I really don't want to leave you alone. We're out in the middle of nowhere, literally.

[Lie] - Doc, we know that door is secure, I'll be fine.  Besides, I have my pods

[Doc] Pardon me if I stay far away from them. - pauses- Bad memories...

[Lie] - Not as bad as when CP was bit several times

[Doc] The pain in my hearts was worse then the venom...

[Lie] - I know, why don't you run to a store and pick us up some games?  And emotional pain?  Like when...  They?  Died?

[Doc]  Deerheart forgave me. She knew I couldn't help it. And I know it's dumb, but it hurt me that Cp would have left me to suffer. I cried pretty hard over that afterwards... And you want me to get you some video games?

[Lie] - No, like board games or card games, and you know how constipated CP is emotionally, he panicked

[Doc] Yeah.... that's why it's dumb. If I had any inkling that he felt bad about it, it would be different. But I know you're always his first priority.

[Lie] - Even when I'm pissed at him

[Doc] Nods- I almost wish I could give myself that fully...

[Lie] - Why haven't you?

[Doc] small voice- I'm afraid...

-It seems like the shadows in the corners grow deeper at hir words and the wind outside grows stronger as well-

[Lie] - There's no reason to be afraid Doc

[Doc] When I was just a glitch... I would have thought nothing of it. But a Herobrine is different. I almost died last time just from the pain.

[Lie] - We could always do to the server like we did with Flux's, let Deer keep a physical copy with her so she can't be killed off

-There's a bit of a scraping noise as the gale runs the dry branches of a tree along the cement walls outside.-

[Doc] Maybe... I want to protect her. I have every intention of making her real and Yaunfen too if I can when they're old enough.

[Lie] - Well we know Endrea can enter the real world, so it should be possible

[Doc] I'm still doing research. I want to make their transitions as short and painless as I can. I'm working on a special code and - hesitates- well, I'm working on it. That's all that's relevant for now.

Xe scoots close to Lie, hir voice soft- I want to marry her, Lie. I'm just... she was made for me. I want to know that she loves me because she wants too. Not because she has too. I don't know how to be sure...

[Lie] - Doc...  How could you ever think she didn't love you?  I was there when she first arrived, what I saw in her eyes was genuine.  The seed loves you as much as you love it, she is how it expresses that.

[Doc] Is a little taken aback - I know she loves me. I just want to be sure I've earned it genuinely. If she can be here. If she can be free, and she still chooses me...

[Lie] - She will absolutely still choose you

[Doc] Hugs Lie a bit impulsively- Thank you Lie....

[Lie] - You're welcome, now about those games?- She holds up the credit card CP gave her

[Doc] Huffs- You're determined, aren't you? Gonna make me change my clothes and go out in public and everything?

[Lie] - Honestly at this point I don't really care

[Doc] Alright dammit. But I won't be gone long. - Xe stands up to make a portal- You stay right here. Do not go outside!

[Lie] - I'm not leaving this cocoon

[Doc] Huffs and goes out- Good.

-There's a slight crackle as the portal closes and the dark corners of the room seem to entend their shadows ever closer to her. Sammn turns uneasily, mumbling fitfully in her sleep. The icy wind batters the door and it rattles with a slightly rusty sound against the casement.-

[Lie] Spawns several lantern flowers all over the room and after a few minutes is bored again so she sends a simple text to all her contacts, a grand total of two people- I'm bored

[Ever] Pings back - Hi bored, I'm Ever.

[Lie] - I'm baby sitting somebody becoming physical and freezing and it's pretty dark here...

[Ever] I'm pretty much locked in the house while Karla stalks from one window to another with a gun...

[Lie] - I'm stuck in a bunker

[Ever] Okay you got me there. My room is likely less clean but more comfortable.

[Lie] - We've got IKEA furniture and I've claimed every blanket I can...  I hate the cold so much...  If my husband weren't on my shit list I'd call him here to be a heater

[Ever] I'm knee deep in laundry and books. I usually don't sleep in here so it's pretty messy. What did Cp do now?

[Lie] - Well you saw how the front of my house looked, plus he shot his brother and he was already kinda on the shit list for a few other things too. He'd only just gotten allowed back in the bed

[Ever] Wait, I thought you could sit in lava? Can't you just spawn a bucket and pour it into a hole or something?

[Lie] - There was...  But it's currently empty...  And I can only spawn water buckets.  Plus I run pretty cold for a brine so lava just hardens on me when I get out, not very comfortable

[Ever] That's weird. But still really cool. How come you're babysitting alone?

[Lie] - I'm not, but I sent Doc to go and get us some board games or cards

[Ever] Why so low tech?

[Lie] - Nostalgia?  And irony?

[Ever] Chuckles- Fair enough. Is there anything I can do for you?

[Lie] - Unless you can endlessly entertain me, I think not

[Ever] Nah, I'm eyeballing some sex toys myself. Karla is too agitated to play with me right now.

[Lie] Blushes- I did not need to hear that

[Ever] Sorry.

[Lie] - Besides, that's just a bit of a tease, I haven't been laid in months

[Ever] That sucks! Hey if you ever need equiptment or just some privacy, we sterilize the fuck out of everything. You can partake, no pressure.

[Lie] - I have at least half a trunk of toys that have been bought for me or made for me by my friends, I'm pretty sure I've used a grand total of one of them, once

[Ever] How come? That sounds like a pretty nice stash.

[Lie] - CP absolutely hates them, every time I receive some his first objective is to try and destroy them

[Ever] Wow... he's not like.... poorly endowed or something, is he?

[Lie] - Oh not at all, but due to one of his old housemates he has bad associations with some things

[Ever] Yeah... but that's still crappy. They're your things and... a lady needs time to herself now and again.

[Lie] Laughs a little- You have no idea, by the time we actually do get around to fucking?  Well, let's say I'm very good at suppressing my wants for some time

[Ever] Trust me, I know alllll about delay of gratification...

[Lie] - Yes well it's why my offensive plant works so well.  It's venom is a nectar made from my lust, and so far I'm the only one capable of handling it.  Those on our seed capable of shapeshifting can't stop themselves from changing if they even ingest or get the tiniest bit on them

[Ever] That's insane! Has anyone ever.. taken it intentionally?

[Lie] - Yes, the first time when my husband convinced another brine to test it so he could find out what it did...  Plus an entire seed of testificates...

[Ever] That sounds like Cp, and as for the other, now that's a party I would have loved to have attended.

[Lie] - Yeah that was a surprise when we returned there...  Kinda forgot I had left a pod there

[Ever] Any chance I could bug you for a few drops?

[Lie] - Maybe, I think we have a bottle of the nectar stored somewhere...  But it'll have to wait for me to return to the seed

[Ever] It might take Karla's mind off our current predicament... whenever you can. Thank you Lie.

[Lie] - No problem, I should let you get back to your hiding

[Ever] It was nice talking to you Lie, stay warm, and safe.

[Lie] - I'll try

[Lie] Curls up a bit tighter in her cocoon, looking to see if there were any games in her phone

[Dofta] Accidently sends her a picture of a 3-D model for a Husk-

[Lie] - I hate those things

[Dofta] Whoops! Sorry Lie. I meant to send that to Svit.

[Lie] - Ah, so what else are you working on?

[Dofta] Still cleaning up NOTCH code. I got some very valuable help the other day though!

[Lie] - Oh yeah, I thought I saw Buff over at Notch's place yesterday

[Dofta] Oh I got to talk to your NOTCH too! He's adorable.

[Lie] - Oh, you spoke with CN?  I bet I'll be hearing all about that when I get back

[Dofta] He's such a cutie! And so happy to help.

[Lie] - That he is, he tries his best to help me in the mornings when I'm tending to the animals, but he's not quite strong enough

[Dofta] AWWWWWWW

[Lie] - He was pretty skinny when we finally got to him, and it's strange.  Every NOTCH I've met has had some sort of power, but CN doesn't appear to have any

[Dofta] He's really small though? Maybe... is there any reason he might be stunted? Did he spawn somewhere weird?

[Lie] - ...  The void outside of the server?

[Dofta] Yeaaah... that's not good.... He might be failing to connect with the server itself properly too. Is there any reason it might reject him? Or he wouldn't try to harmonize with it?

[Lie] - Well, the server is set up to be invitation only, so he spawned without the permission to enter it, plus he kinda...  REALLY hates the embodiment of the server

[Dofta] That may be your problem right there. If he's resisting the connection it may be holding him back. But also, a super-powered being with the mind of a child could be a danger to everyone. So just take it slow and reconcile them when he's older.

[Lie] - Well he kinda watched her rip apart the first "friend" he'd ever had into non existence...

[Dofta] ... holy crap.... So your server deleted someone?!

[Lie] - Yeeeeeeeeah...

[Dofta] I'd say they're not supposed to do that, but I had no idea they could generate an AI to represent themselves until you guys told me. I presume the person did something to deserve it at least?

[Lie] - They were psychologically torturing Doc, it was hir original NOTCH

[Dofta] Well... good riddance then. Kids often aren't the best judges of character anyway. At least your server is looking out for you, right?

[Lie] - Oh absolutely, but she was almost recalled back into the server itself because of it

[Dofta] This is all news to me. I'm glad she's okay at least. And Cn should get over it eventually.

[Lie] - Yeah, plus he's really taken a liking to another NOTCH on the server

[Dofta] How many NOTCHAI's do you guys have there? Minus the refugees village, of course.

[Lie] Thinks about it- I think three?

[Dofta] Oh, okay. That's not too many. I guess they're all staying with their brines?

[Lie] - For the most part, yes

[Dofta] So Buff and Cn... who's the third?

[Lie] - Firebird, a much older NOTCH

[Dofta] Oh! Yeah, you told me about him. So... what are you up too?

[Lie] - Baby sitting.  We have another digital member going through the process of gaining a physical body, if only so she can get some decent sleep while this is happening

[Dofta] Wow... the fact that you can just do that.... If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I wouldn't believe it... can I ask... what kind of entity is it?

[Lie] - We're...  Not sure...  We know they have a NOTCH and a brine, but we're not sure they're a Steve or Alex

[Dofta] So something humanish, at least?

[Lie] - Oh absolutely

[Dofta] I know I don't have any right to ask... but please don't let the mobs out...

[Lie] - Well....

[Dofta] Oh please tell me it wasn't the zombies... I don't want to be partially responsible for an outbreak of undead...!

[Lie] - No!  No!  As far as I know, the only mob repeatedly let out before is my husbands Ender dragon...  Although I suppose she's my ender dragon now...

[Dofta] A real dragon....? Like in irl? A DRAGON?

[Lie] - Yeah, and I know Doc eventually wants to bring their child out too, another type pf ender dragon

[Dofta] I would give anything... just to see that...

[Lie] - I mean, we could set up a time and place if you can find someplace secluded enough

[Dofta] I would love that. I helped with the ender dragon design a little bit... Did you know there was supposed to be one in the Nether too? The design got scrapped because it kept clipping into things.

[Lie] - Yeah, and we actually DO have a couple of Nether dragons on the server, but they can't come out

[Dofta] You mean...? The code expressed itself!? It wasn't deleted, just buried incomplete! Like the zombie foals. What do they look like?!

[Lie] - Well both are red, the younger one has six legs and spines down his back, the other is also a brine and so has the glowing eyes, wings feathered with ghast tentacles, horns, and pigmen hooves for feet

[Dofta] Sounds like the second one is closer to the original, but both unique... how interesting. And a brine too?

[Lie] - Yup, he's become a really good uncle to my dragon's children

[Dofta] YOU HAVE BABY DRAGONS?! Please send me some pictures. Please please please.

[Lie] - Okay, okay I will, once I get back to the server that is, which may not be for a few weeks...  Or you could ask Notch.  Mind you, the babies aren't very small any more

[Dofta] I will absolutely ask Markus. The fact that they're not only thriving, but breeding too is amazing!

[Lie] - Well, not exactly breeding.  They're rescued eggs, eggs that players did not collect

[Dofta] Oh. Well... that's still sweet. I'm glad you guys are taking care of them. It annoys me that the eggs don't do anything on their own and we keep putting off working on them. I guess it's no suprise that some just get left behind.

[Lie] - Yeah, well, doc should be back soon and I shouldn't keep you from your work for too long

[Dofta] Call me anytime, okay? Especially if you have any issues with your NOTCHAIs.

[Lie] - Will do

-The light on the phone extinguishes and there's a profound silence. Distantly a wolf gives a mournful howl and the scratching of the trees against the roof is more pronouced and urgent sounding. -

[Lie] Shudders a little and glances over at Sammns sleeping form, making sure the other woman is okay-

-Sammn is quiet for now, but the air feels thick with tension. There's a sense of being watched even through the weighty concrete walls. -

[Lie] Nervous, she calls on Xophiels flame to circle both her and Sammn-

-There's a rather wet noise from outside... Hopefully just some snow falling off a tree-

[Lie] Huddles down farther into her cocoon-

-There's a little rattle, like something testing the door-

[Lie] Instinctually spawns some vines to help barricade the door-

-The fire burns a bit brighter then it normally would-

[Lie] Takes her cue from the brighter fire and summons several pods-

-The room starts to feel closer and more claustrophobic, as if something unseen were filling the space.-

[Lie] Moves Closer to Sammn, flipping through her phone and finding she has internet access, begins playing some music to calm herself-

[Xophiel] Whispers in her ear- I'll lead it away...

-The closeness suddenly vanishes and there's a loud crunching noise outside, followed by a wet squelching that goes quieter and finally ceases entirely-

[Lie] Barely audible- I'm not sure I want to know what that was...   but thank you

-There's a faintly satisfied sighing noise, but it might have just been the wind-

[Lie] Waits for Doc's return with baited breath-

[Doc] Bursts back in with a big smile and a lot of weird smells and dumps several bags on the floor- I brought food!

[Lie] Yelps in surprise and falls off the bed she's on, several thorny vines springing up to surround her-

[Doc] Whoah! What the hell? Did I miss something? Or did you get scared with just sleepy Sammn here?

[Lie] - It got spooky okay!

[Doc] Yeah. It can at that. We are in the woods after all. And I'm a big dummy because I forgot something that should help- Xe sets the bags down and pulls a bucket of lava out of the creative before dumping it into the divot in the floor. - This should warm things up-

[Lie] - Yes!  Absolutely!

[Doc] Picks up a bulging bag- Hungry?

[Lie] - A bit, what did you get?

[Doc] Cheerfully- I have no idea! - Xe starts pulling out lots of white boxes and setting them on the table. - I just looked for chicken and beef and pork and got a bunch of different things.

[Lie] - You...  Got Chinese food?

[Doc] picks up a box - I guess? It's got little dragons on the boxes. Is that Chinese? I just followed my nose.

[Lie] - Yes, yes it is

[Doc] Is that... okay?

[Lie] - Oh yeah, it's related to the buns CP's gotten me before

[Doc] Oh good! - Xe starts opening boxes. - I guess it's too early for Sammn to wake up, isn't it...?

[Lie] - Yeah, so what else did you get besides food?- She helps Doc empty the bags

[Doc] Dumps a small bag- I bought cards like you asked, [there's a normal deck but also some small packages of MTG and Yugioh cards] but I don't get what these small packages are for, and look at this! -Brandishes a box of pokemon cards

[Lie] Just face palms- Really Doc?

[Doc] What? You said cards! I got cards. They have nice artwork on them at least.

[Lie] - Yes, you did, but you bought cards that are part of a collection, a hobby which people will sink thousands into

[Doc] Oh... so the little packs are just one part... damn. Well... is this better? - Xe pulls up another bag that was on the floor and empties it. - There's Clue, Scrabble, Jenga, a cheap chess board, Operation, and an Oujia board. Xe pulls out a particularly big box - This one has the same kind of dragon... hey it even says, Chinese Checkers! And I got this one because it reminds me of Yaunfen. - It's a copy of Candy Land.

[Lie] - Good choices, just maybe use the Ouija board as a last resort

[Doc] Why? What kind of game is it? I was in a hurry so I just grabbed interesting boxes.

[Lie] -Some people consider it a game, but it's meant to communicate with spirits, and can be dangerous

[Doc] Shivers- Yeah... I'll just... put that over here. Either way, food first.

[Lie] - Absolutely- She starts sifting through the boxes

[Doc] Ah, the three food groups, crunchy things, noodles and meat. - laughs-

[Lie] - Delicious!

[Doc] What are the little sticks for?

[Lie] - Those are chop sticks, you eat with them

[Doc] Pokes through a piece of meat with one and eats it off the stick- ???

[Lie] Shakes her head and holds the chop sticks properly, picking up some broccoli with them- This is how you do it Doc

[Doc] Fumbles with them and starts to get a bit stressed out - I'm just not as dexterous out here....

[Lie] - It's takes a lot of practice- She looks under the napkins still in the bag and pulls out a fork- Here, use this

[Doc] Thank you. - Eats with gusto - So many weird textures...  - Xe accidently tips over the jenga box and the pieces scatter on the table a little.

[Lie] - Hey, you're supposed to try not to do that!

[Doc] Jumps a little- Sorry!

[Lie] - It's okay- She continues eating

[Doc] Is playing with the blocks with hir left hand and stacking them into a little wall.

[Lie] - So what do you want to do first?

[Doc] Shrugs- your choice. I don't know how to play any of these anyway

[Lie] - Why don't we start with Clue

[Doc] Okay - Xe pulls the box over and opens it, unfolding the board- I like this layout, it gives me some good building ideas.

[Lie] - It even has some secret passages

[Doc] Ooo! No house is complete without some secrets.

[Lie] Pulls out the instructions and quickly scans them- Okay, first pick a character

[Doc] Selects professor Plum -

[Lie] takes Miss Scarlet and starts shuffling the cards- Okay, pick one from each of the three piles but don't look at it

[Doc] Follows her directions- there's a little secret file in with the cards... Should I just leave it alone?

[Lie] - Okay, put those three cards in here, and then we divvy up the rest.  Those three cards are who commited the murder, the weapon, and the place where it happened

[Doc] nods- this has a list on it? Um... - Xe spawns a book and quill from the creative and brandishes the little feather - ready!

[Lie] Laughs a little- I don't recall ever needing to write anything down

[Doc] Something occurs to me... I've never tried to write with one of these out here- Xe flips the pad over and writes hir name, oddly the result is in a distinct font that looks Minecrafty. - Whoah...

[Lie] - Okay, well that's a little odd...  Most people can't write like that unless it's onm a computer

[Doc] is confused- Do you have something else I can write with?

[Lie] - Ummm, maybe there's something around here if we look in the crates...

[Doc] Even a stick would do...

[Lie] Finds a normal pen and hands it to Doc-

[Doc] Tries that instead and hir writing is shaky, but normal and  mostly legible. - okay, so it's just the quill. It normally types in the book so that's probably why. I usually draw with dye blobs so there's no reason I would have noticed before.

[Lie] - Good point, now lets get playing

[living-with-vertigo]

Daddies’ Baby No More

Right, so ...  the dog got sick and died. Well, he was 15-1/2 when we had him put to sleep. He wasn’t sick and he didn’t die. We had him put him to sleep because his brain came unraveled.

It was terrible. Truly one of the worst experiences of my life. It started a couple of years ago, I think. He missed the curb when trying to jump up on it. My fault really, thinking he was still a young pup. But he jumped up and missed the top of the curb and hit his chest or something -- something really hurt for several days, weeks. I forget. But that was the first, first time I knew his body was never going to be the same -- he was an old dog.

He got better, but not long after his personality started to change. He never played with his stuffed dolls or his squeaky toys anymore. Never chewed his rawhide treats. He slept a lot. He got an infection in his ear, and it smelled for the better part of a year. I finally cleaned it out enough that he shook the infection out in one big brown blob. Gross, but I cleaned it out some more and it never smelled sour again. I thought it was good and fine. But no, actually he developed a perforation and was deaf in that left ear, and we never realized it until the last couple of months. I guess that’s how it happened. Nothing is for sure at this point. Regardless, he stopped getting out of bed when someone would come home. Like he couldn’t hear us come in. Even with that he should have felt or smelled us. But he was tired -- tired old dog. He could barely get in or out of the bed. We got him some stairs. Eventually, I bought a couch thingy from Ikea and slept with him on that all of the time. Though, I have to say, for about a year he decided he wanted to sleep by himself in the living room, in one particular chair. It was weird -- he virtually never wanted to be alone or sleep alone. But he would jump out of the bed and go and be by himself. I got used to it eventually.

We didn’t have any extra money, so that’s why I never took him to the vet for his ear. I don’t remember having to take him for any other reason. When I was there that time, the doctor said his heart had a murmur -- and we’d heard that many times since he was a young pup. But he never seemed bothered by it. A murmur is like a swooshy sound in the heart beat that indicates that the valves are not working right -- like they are leaking. Again, it never seemed to slow him down. But this time, when he hurt his chest or whatever, she seemed so gravely concerned about it; as though he had weeks or months at best to live. It really shook me up. I had to call around to doggie cardiologists, and the basic fee was $800 just for testing. I gave up. I simply did not have the cash, and neither did his other daddy. His fate would just have to be.

I was preparing myself for a long time for that little beautiful dog to pass, but I wasn’t at all prepared for it to happen the way it did.  I started back in school, and said that the dog would die while I was in the middle of my semesters. We had a similar dog before who we took care of for someone else, and she died at 16 with lots of back and elderly problems. But our dog was very strong and didn’t have any significant back problems. Up till his final year, he would jump in and out of bed like he was a superhero, onto the hard floor. He did finally stop chasing the cat. And she seemed to appreciate that. We would find them sleeping together -- like neither of us was here all day, and when we got home, they’d be in the bed or on the couch together... almost touching. And then a few times, they really were touching furry butts. It was the most amazing, darling thing I’d ever seen. I won’t lie and say they were snuggle buddies, but it was pretty darn close.

My first semester back was difficult -- Basic Biology and I think the equivalent of pre-Calc. But I made it through, and I got two more As on the report card. Nice. The dog definitely didn’t like us leaving him at home alone, but he had the cat. And he held his pee almost every day, the whole time. Sweet baby boy.

Near the end of December, I think is when that all changed. Maybe it was January. But he started peeing in the house. It was like, “Oh, hmm.” And then I started to think he was just old and incontinent. And then it got worse. And I had feeling that he had a urinary infection. I still didn’t have any money at all. I was taking Chemistry and Anatomy and Physiology -- twice as hard as the previous semester. 

There were some great gals there thank goodness, who helped to drag me through those classes. Because my mind was less and less focused on what was happening there. Because my dog was old, and needed me, and he was ... dying. 

I’m sure I have perfect notes somewhere on all of this. But the next thing, I think it was February -- he started standing in weird ways. Like he couldn’t control his legs or balance right. He went away to Grandma-in-law’s for two weeks, because I was just too busy with school. And by the time he got back, his stance and balance were much worse. And so was the incontinence. I was ready to take him to the vet when he started having convulsions. 

This must have been April, before the semester ended. Finals were such a beast, and I was not grasping all of the terminology and concepts of Anatomy and Physiology. It was certainly important to me, but we had lab reports for Chemistry and I had to drive up and back from my city to both sides of the county -- like 2 hours drive one way, some days. My mom’s was nearby, so I stopped to see her a lot. I showed her the dog’s odd behavior on Facetime with our iPhones, but she could see it was pretty awful when I finally got him to her house.

The convulsions were mostly in his head. At first it was like little shaky tremors. And then it was his whole body. Or rather, he would be standing there trying to eat or drink, and he’s have this shake in his head and kind of collapse into his feed bowls. It was so weird and terrible. And he got into this rut of eating and drinking constantly. It was so strange and sad to watch. I finally took him to the vet after one particularly disturbing incident. The vet saw he wasn’t doing well, and I can’t remember what she recommended, but it wasn’t the right thing. My partner paid for the visit with a phoned-in credit card, because I’d left my wallet home. I couldn’t even get out of the parking lot, because I didn’t have more than $3 in mixed coins on me. The bill must’ve been a few hundred dollars for the vet. 

Oh, then I finished the semester and for some reason thought I could sneak in a summer class. That was not the right thing to do. We were supposed to be packing up to move. Why? Because my job collapsed and I didn’t have any money. Nothing coming in -- nada. The dog’s declining health was hitting us both hard. I was crying a lot. I couldn’t concentrate on that class. It was the preview of the lab technology and concepts that we’d use if I entered the program. But I can’t tell you what it all was about. My dog was dying -- dying!

And then his anal gland blew up. I mean, blew up in just one day. It started out as him not being able to poop right, I think. He didn’t know what was going on. But definitely, there was a lump on his but and I had read that anal glands on dogs can get infected and needed surgery. So, I took him to the animal hospital. I think that was more than $500, maybe $800. They popped it and stitched it closed. And he healed quickly enough. He was super uncomfortable with me trying to squeeze it out. I couldn’t do nothing. But the vet was trying to talk to me like he needs this and that for his odd behavior, and I was just going numb at the costs: $2500 for a CT scan? It was just awful and depressing. Even if I had the money, it clearly wasn’t going to fix anything. And she was going on about his heart murmur, too. And I was like: “It doesn’t matter. He’s old. He is not going to live forever.” To be fair, the first vet didn’t do anything helpful, but at least she was honest and said that these expensive procedures wouldn’t be worth it. 

He just kept getting worse, and we were both googling ferociously looking for any glimmer of hope or explanation. I kept coming up with doggie dementia, but kidney problems were a possibility, and the hole in his ear. His other daddy came up with this info about high blood pressure. Almost all of the symptoms were similar for these many conditions. 

But there were a couple of YouTube videos about dog dementia, and they were showing the dog stuck in the furniture, and crying and going around in circles. Another lady in the building started having nearly the same exact problems with her old curly gray-haired dog. She was clearly upset when I asked her. She said her dog had diabetes, but it was from an adrenal problem -- Addison’s I think. That she’d gone blind and would just stare at walls. She was on insulin and I tried to give my 2 cents. It was probably terrible advice. He dog died not long after. 

But ours was still going strong -- strong in body, but not in any other way. He seemed to have gone deaf and blind, but he wasn’t entirely. It got worse and worse. He definitely couldn’t “see” in a conventional sense. He could see the sun come up and would clumsily walk in and out of the curtains. He was peeing every hour. And the wood floors in the condo are pretty much ruined because of it. Again, we were supposed to be fixing up to move. Just a disaster. He was running into every wall and walking into every mess of junk and paper I had on the floor. I was doing deliveries for the publication one day and hurt my back. And I couldn’t pick him up to take him out and it was so terrible and awkward. And I ended up yelling at him and dragging him around outside because he was totally unresponsive. I was so frustrated and mad from the pain, and I was pulling my poor old dog around. He was dy-ing! [Head in my hands right now thinking about it.] Such a low point of my life. 

Well, we were trying all kinds of meds, and a 3rd vet -- a naturalistic kind of doctor lady out by my partner’s family home. It didn’t really matter what we were giving him. The hemp pills seemed to really glaze his eyes over and knock him out. The brain pills just seemed to agitate him. The ear stuff was just too late. And the breath pills were not helpful. His breath and been terrible that whole year. We never took him for a professional cleaning. When he was chewing the rawhide we barely needed to. Kind of self cleaning. And when the tartar did gunk-up and brown his teeth, I’d use the rawhide as a way to keep his mouth open so I could get a dental scraping tool in there. I worked. The last year, I tried. He absolutely hated me for it. He would nip at me and run away. It was beyond my ability to figure out how to get it done; and beyond us having no money for doggie dental care, we were both unsure that he would live through anesthesia. Ah, well, guess what happens when a little dog goes blind and loses his mind? You can hold him down and clean his teeth, and he barely cares because he can’t see to runaway anymore. I got them completely scraped off after a couple of days. And it turned out ... no cavities, no decay. The only thing he had was one chipped molar, and barely chipped at that. The tartar was so caked on there that you just wouldn’t have believed he had beautiful, white perfect dog teeth underneath there. And guess what happened after I got him all cleaned out? No bad breath. Totally gone. It was just the tartar catching food in the back corner gums of his mouth. I think so anyway. 

Well, it didn’t matter too much -- not for very long. I think it was the first vet, then clean teeth, and then the 

But then one day, he started breathing weird. Like panting. Like he was hot or like he had just got done running. It would go on all day, with the sound of air rushing in and out, and his tongue hanging out. He was having seizures every hour, and eventually almost constant. The only time he got any relief from any of this was when he’d fall asleep. 

Oh, I remember there being a 4th vet involved -- associated with the first one. He emailed a lot of questions, and one of them was: Is your dog wandering at night? This was early on, and I was like, “wandering?” Oh, yes, yes, that’s what he is doing -- wandering. Some people I was reading about online, they calling: Sundowner syndrome. Where a person or animal becomes agitated and active at night, after the sun goes down. Weird phenomenon, for sure. 

Well, between the panting and the going in constant circles and seizures, I knew he was just about done with this world. No saving him. My partner wanted me to keep trying these drugs -- brain drugs. Um, no, I mean blood pressure drugs -- see, there was so many ideas happening, one after another. We were so desperate not to give up on him. I don’t know how much it cost those last few months -- probably $3000 or more. We could’ve got 4 or 5 more dogs for all that money. Again, the first vet was like, “Yeah, that is the truth.” But he was not just “a dog” to us -- he was our first baby boy. Not just ours together, but individually, he was the first creature on this planet that each of us felt totally responsible for, who depended on us for everything, and who reserved his strongest feelings and affections to give us in return. 

The last weekend was the worst. It was Thursday when he stopped eating, it think. And I was like, “Fine, that’s it. He’s telling me he’s done. It hurts too much. No point.” So, his other daddy decided a vet’s office was too impersonal and he should die at home. Our home was in the city and it was just too much hatred for this condo already. As I said, we were trying to leave. We always promised that dog a home with a yard. And now, we were failing to deliver on our daddy promises. So, I said we should do it at his mom’s house. They have been through lots of pets, and he always loved to visit there. We had just left there a few days before saying goodbye forever. But all agreed tentatively. 

Between our condo landscaping and their landscaping, I took some pictures of him with flowers, so I could look back and remember him in a happy, heavenly way. Some of the pictures turned out nice, some are very sad, though. His eyes were very watery and he couldn’t sit still or see where we were or anything. Hard to realize that in the photo, but that’s the truth. The photos were for me, not for him. He just wanted to be held and taken care of in his discomfort. He couldn’t understand anything anymore.

I called around to inquire a week before that about at-home euthanasia for our dog. And they would have to drive from near my mom’s house, all the way to the other side of the city and into the next county. And the cost was well over $600. I was like, “I think the vet is fine.” And eventually the other daddy agreed. He made an appointment for Saturday morning.

This threw me into a fit. I always wanted to do paintings and drawing and a sculpture of that  beautiful little dog while he was alive. So, after I dropped him off, I went to the stores to find some clay. i think I went ot michaels and spent like $50 on some kind of red clay crap. It wasn’t actually clay, but like vegetable-derived clay-like product. Anyway, I got back home there and my partner went to bed, and I stayed up and made a big ugly bust of the dog. That material was lousy -- I mean, it just wan’t clay like I knew it. The end product didn’t look much like him. Especially in the neck and I panicked and made the ears too big. It just didn’t look much like him, or any dog of his breed. But I finished it best I could. Toward the end, he got antsy. I had him in his new dog bed that his gramma had bought him a few weeks before. He really loved that bed -- his own soft, fluffy bed. It was sweet of her. I mean, he adored that little gray dog bed. Anyhow, he was in the bed on a dining room chair. He got up to move around, and fell out of the chair onto to the top of his head. I barely reacted, other than for my heart to drop so. I put him up on the dining room table, and also on a carpet. I tried some 3-d scanning software, but it didn’t work well. Waste of time. So, I washed up and took him back to be with his daddy. The appointment was for 11am, i think. Not much time for a nap. But we laid there in the bed together, one last time. Daddy, Daddy and baby dog in the middle. 

And then we got up. We had some eggs and bacon that his sister made for us. It upset my belly, but my partner offered the dog some. And he took a bite out of it. Or he tried, He only took two bites and then stopped. I think he forgot he wanted to die. Kind of funny, that.

Well, as time approached, I just put him on my chest and laid back on a couch. And I put his mouth on my mouth and just breathed in his last breaths. I got the last dog kiss from him, that I would ever have. I started to bawl, and bawl uncontrollably. It was the end of my dog; my baby. And then they all started to cry, too. We got in the car and drove a short way to the vets. I took some more bad picture and some cute video of him walking around in the grass. I just did not want to go inside. But we did. We checked in at the desk and sat in there litle waiting area. They cleaned a room with a table and we went in and waited. 

It was noon, but the end of their Saturday. And I was crying. His other daddy was petting him and I was talking to him, and telling him thank you and he was was such a good boy, and no more pain soon -- or whatever I was saying. I don’t remember. Taking video, I think and saying how everything about him was so, so beautiful. 

The next part is awful, so I’ll keep it brief. There were 4 shots. It was supposed to be two -- one to knock him out, and one to stop his heart. The first shot was not as expected. Immediately after the shot, he started bubbling snot out of his nose, and it was horrifying. Oh my god. And then as the moments passed his body just got more and more limp. So, so, so limp. His breathing slowed and I was holding him and weeping, scared and incredulous that the life was leaving his beautiful, soft, warm body -- the baby we had known for 15 years, the baby we’d never see again. Oh god, oh god. [pausing and crying now]. I have to just tell you briefly what happened, or I won’t finish this. She came back in pretty quickly, and said it was time for the shot. And as she pulled out the needle, i started to freak out. She put it in his front leg I think, and then she stepped out. And we were just -- I don’t even remember, really. I was crying so hard. but his breathing almost stopped. And she came back in, and she said she needed to give him another shot because he wasn’t gone yet. And so she stuck it in his back leg, but she said the blood vessel wasn’t quite what it should be. So she had to give him another killer shot, and it would have to be in his chest. And I was just feeling tortured. I couldn’t even look. She plunged the long needle into his chest -- right into his heart! And when she pulled it out, some blood shot out and stained the white patch of fur on his otherwise brown body. And the blood was shocking to see. His other daddy said she stuck her finger over it to stop the bleed. I tried not to overreact to make her feel bad. It didn’t matter -- no turning back. It had to end.... And it did after that. My poor dead dog just laying there. The vet tried to console us with some heavenly promises, but whatever, right? And then she said she was sorry and we had done all we could. And that she knew it wasn’t easy. And I said that I was sorry for her, because I knew it couldn’t possibly be easy for her either. And then she started crying pretty bad. I just was so heart broken, and I said to her then, “You just have no idea what a wonderful dog he has been. No dog in the world has ever been as sweet and caring as that little dog right there.” And of course that’s preposterous, considering she sees nice dogs all of the time. Anyway, we said goodbye and she wrapped his body up in paper, and we left. We held hands and walked back to the car. I was bawling. His other daddy drove home and he was crying so, so hard. I tried to get him to pull over, but he wanted to drive. We got there and told everyone what happened. And then I left, tired and empty. 

And so, that’s pretty much how I’ve been for 3 months since -- tired and empty. I keep calling him out of habit. I cried for at least 2 weeks every day several times a day. I got some pictures printed out, and his ashes came back to us. We never got our glass etching that he paid for. Mess. He is in our hearts, and sometimes in our dreams. His presence is felt and yet absent. It makes no sense. If he were to show up here right now, it would be like nothing ever changed. We all had our places and our routines. And now all of that is no more. We still have the cat. She’s 11 already. And she’ been trying to fill in his place. But cat claws are not a substitute for dog kisses and tail wagging and greeting when you come home from a long day. Cats are a wonder in themselves, but they are not dogs. And if we ever get another dog, it won’t be like our first baby boy. I love him so much, and am so thankful that he came into our lives. I regret all the times that we did not get along 100% and especially the times when I did not recognize his troubles till too late. Most of all I wish we could have had that home and the yard. But that’s another life in an imaginary world that never came to be. It saddens me greatly, but time is a one-way dimension that we all pass through. If there’s a destination and a purpose beyond all of what we put up with here, then I truly wish to see my baby boy again some day. For now, the hole in my heart and a few photos and memories will have to do. 

Would have been nice to see him when I got out of the hospital. Yes, hospital.

[expatshaarlem]

What no one tells you before you move abroad

I remember when my partner got a job here in the Netherlands and the thought of starting a new life here emerged for the first time. Of course, my closest family was worried and sad about me moving and also some of my friends too.

But most people said things like ‘Oh cool! That’s so awesome just don’t be stoned all the time, haha!’ or ‘That is so exciting! You can meet new people and anyway a new atmosphere never harmed anyone, it will do good for you!’. This last one was the same exact advice I gave to a friend a couple of years ago when she was about to move abroad for the same reason I did: love.

I didn’t quite understand why this whole idea of living in a new country is so hard on her. I didn’t judge but I didn’t know how it felt until I was walking in her shoes. Leaving my home, giving up the perfect apartment and feeling like I’m leaving everything behind made me feel miserable. I didn’t even realize how truly hard it was to make this step up until I arrived here. We rented an empty apartment so the first two weeks were all about furnishing our space, building a new home from scratch, which is fun and exciting. We got our furniture from Facebook groups, IKEA and we went to Cruquiusplein: www.boulevardcruquius.nl/winkels.php

© Anikó Alma Szörényi

    All I felt was sheer excitement and happiness and I was looking forward to what the future has to hold. And then I fell from cloud 9. I hit the bottom hard and fast, from one day to another. Yes, I admit that I do have anxiety issues and I know that the fact that I am working from home does not help the feeling of being alone and being small. Somehow when the pink clouds faded away and I was left in the apartment with a lot of work alone day after day I started to sink in self-sorrow and I felt very lonely. It felt like I wasn’t who I was before, I felt so terrible sometimes I even cried. Then it hit me. Everything that I was feeling was ok. It took all this time for my emotions of grief to arrive. It took so much time I didn’t even realize why I felt the way I did at first. I missed home. It killed me to know that I won’t go back to my beloved rented apartment because now someone else lives in it. After work, I can’t call my best friend to meet me at the beer garden to grab some drinks and talk about our day. I receive all the Facebook event requests which all have to mark with ‘I can’t attend’. I am not there anymore and this hurts. But here is the thing. When I allowed myself to finally accept my current situation I realized that I am surrounded by beauty. Not just architectural but human beauty as well. I started to meet new people all of them are great people. They make these bad feelings go away with their kindness and acceptance. Suddenly I didn’t feel so alone anymore but excited again.

© Anikó Alma Szörényi

  I started to enjoy all the little things about Haarlem. How the whole town turns into an Italian piazza in the evening with all the restaurants and ice cream places. The romantic narrow little streets with flowers and plants and tiny public libraries. I love that I can walk around without paying attention to where do I go because I am comfortable and I always find my way home. Every day I explore something new, Haarlem always shows a little bit more. She is a perky lady and she reveals all of her secrets slowly as you get to know her. I love how there are people to talk to and everyone I have met seemed to listen and care and help if it was needed. I also ate some homemade Stamppot that changed my opinion about Dutch cuisine once and for all because it was delicious. I am still a bit scared and unsure sometimes but Haarlem is the best place I could have gone to experience all of this. With the good and bad. As soon as the grief for the old life goes away (and I suppose we all grieve a little bit when we leave something behind, even if only for a while) than amazing new and fresh things will start to happen. We have to go out there and let it happen to us and find people that can help us to have that exciting new life everybody wished us for before we left home.

© Anikó Alma Szörényi

  To move to another place is not easy and it shouldn’t be. I had to learn to accept and embrace my feelings so I can let them go and give space to amazing new things! My advice for everyone who goes through this: it will get better a lot better and the world will soon become a much bigger place!