#shes got a lot of issues but ill always love how gentle she is with the mice.
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The mice are back in my mom's house and she keeps sending me basement trailcam footage of them at all hours.
#shes got a lot of issues but ill always love how gentle she is with the mice.#building them little insulated wooden hutches in the woods and relocating them.... its very sweet. nobody else would do that.#ayy im talkin here
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Hc for Halsin, Astarion, Will, Gortash, (& maybe Damon and Raphael) caring for a loved one with chronic illness or like an illness that keeps them bedbound for an extended time
A/N: Oh Nonnie, do I feel this ask lol. Chronic fatigue sucks, mainly because so few people don’t understand it goes beyond being just ‘tired’. There’s brain fog, stomach issues, and body pains– so I tried to touch on each of these symptom types for each character response. However you’re doing, whether you’re in a flare or not, I want you to know your illness is not your fault. You didn't ask for this. Don’t feel guilty for having to take care of yourself. You’re worth it. I promise.
Also, this is unrelated but it’s lowkey funny that the week after I got diagnosed with a weird anemia, I write an answer for an ask about chronic fatigue. lol
TW: Mention of Chronic Fatigue/Pain, Brief Mentions of Sex
🤕 BG3 Men Caring for a Gender Neutral! Loved One With Chronic Illness 🤕
Astarion:
Worries. Like A LOT.
Tells you not to be so dramatic about it but will literally sprint towards you if he even hears you sigh.
He asks Karlach to carry you.
Steals somebody’s cart/chariot if she refuses and instead makes her and Shadowheart take turns pulling that. (Jokes on him, they do it because they’re your friend, not his lol.)
Has you come on missions because he feels more secure knowing you’re right behind him, and he can keep looking after you. Astarion makes sure to always sneak ahead so you never walk unknowingly into any danger
Will give you massages if you’re in pain frequently, especially shoulder rubs, as he loves the view it gives him of your pretty neck.
Speaking of necks, feeding is a huge no-no. At least, until you start feeling a bit better. And then he’ll only allow himself a taste. Gods knows you need all your strength, and he would feel terribly guilty to take what little you have from you.
Lowkey appreciates the bags under your eyes and the way you can look like death incarnate, because well, then he doesn’t stand out as much. He also finds it strangely alluring, how you can look so fragile yet be so strong. It inspires him to find that balance within himself if he’s being honest.
If you have trouble ‘performing’ due to your illness, he’s not upset at all! (He’s actually quite relieved.)
Loves finding other ways you can be intimate together, like going to a spa and sharing a bath. Or finding a highly-rated inn and cuddling under some luxurious silk sheets.
Turns out that after a lifetime of being forced to do things, Astarions is more than happy to spend his time doing nothing with you.
Wyll:
Is so sweet and tender when he speaks to you.
He’s literally Prince Charming, which makes you his Sleeping Beauty.
On your good days, he’ll have you stand on his feet as he twirls you around, finding this the best way to ‘dance’ with you, given your current stamina.
Requests for you to stay back at camp and rest while he and a few of the others handle the more taxing and dangerous missions. Gifts you some books and journals of his to keep you occupied in the meantime.
When he comes back to camp, the first thing he does is check on you. If you’re awake, he’ll make sure your needs are met before tending to his own. Doesn’t matter if Wyll’s starving and covered in guts, if you need a drink or an extra blanket, just say the word and he will fetch it immediately.
Will recite poetry to you on the bad pain nights when you cannot sleep because everything aches too much. He knows his voice won’t stop the pain, but he hopes it provides a soothing atmosphere to just rest in, even if sleep cannot find you.
Is always so tender and gentle in his lovemaking, that it’s rarely an issue for you. However, on the nights that it is, don’t feel bad at all. Wyll adores you for much more than your body. He loves your mind, your heart, and your soul. Just being near you, knowing you love him back is more than enough.
Halsin:
Is always prepared with some medicinal herbs or a healing spell.
He’s a natural caretaker, and you are no exception. However, when it comes to you, Halsin does approach the act a little bit differently.
It’s much more personal when he makes you health potions or casts spells to heal you, you can see it in his eyes. In a way, it’s as if your pain has become his pain, and he needs the relief just as much as you.
As long as you give your consent, Halsin prefers to have you touching him. Be it laying on top of his chest, or seated on his lap, he always wants his skin against yours, as if his touch alone could shield you from your illness. You find it rather sweet of him.
He pleads for you to stay behind in camp, or the grove- somewhere that is not the center of the action. He wishes for you to remain out of the fray, fearful that in your condition, fighters with less honor than he would take advantage of your vulnerability.
If you need to be in a house with a room, and not camped out in the woods, he understands, although it may frustrate him a bit. He believes nature is the perfect healing environment, but he also trusts that you know your illness better than anyone. After all, you’ve managed it all these years. So instead, he simply brings nature to you.
Haslin decorates your bedroom with plants, trees, and succulents. If you’re allergic, he enchants them to reduce their pollen production.
Halsin understands he is rather large in the ‘down there’ department. If you cannot have traditional sex with him, it’s not a surprise to him. He knows more than one way to please his partner. He’s very giving and seems to get off on your pleasure more than his own at times.
Halsin thinks you are one of the most beautiful gifts of nature. Your illness is just another part of you, and because it’s a part of you, he thinks it’s beautiful as well. You may resent it, but Halsin could never separate that part from you and hate it. He simply loves the whole of you too much to do that.
Dammon:
Oh my god, he’s such a sweetheart.
But also a low-key tease.
He has no issues getting or reaching things for you, but he does have a mischievous side, so be prepared for him to hold your things hostage, in exchange for a kiss or two.
Has a habit of finding you curled up in bed on your worst pain/fatigue days and peppering you with kisses, and won’t stop until you laugh.
Forges special mobility aids! Do you need help walking? Pfft. Not a problem. Dammon’s an incredible blacksmith, and he can make you armor that helps stabilize you. You know those really cool joint support braces you can get on Etsy and stuff? Yeah, he makes you DOZENS of them, all in different metals and designs, to match your mood/outfit for the day.
While on the road, or in the grove, he always ensures you’re armed with some sort of easily gripped knife or sword, just in case anyone attacks. He does his best to keep you close, never walking too far ahead or behind, but you having that extra layer of protection makes him feel all the more reassured.
He's not a fighter, but years of working in the forge have made his arms and back strong. He swears he will do everything he can to protect you, that no harm will come to you so long as you stay close.
Is so relieved when you make it to the city at last. He’s so grateful that he can finally provide a real room and bed for you. He feels as if the entire journey has been worth it now that you’ll be able to rest and heal as you need, in the kind of safe and stable conditions you deserve.
Comes in from a long, sweaty day of working in the forge, but immediately sets his sights on taking care of you. Draws a bath but insists you bathe first, as the water won’t be full of grime and ash after he bathes.
Is always surprised and very flattered when you tug him in with you, still touched by your affection for him, as if you’ve just met for the first time. Dammon’s still a little shocked that out of everyone, you chose him. (Ironically, you feel the same. You’re a perfect match!)
Insists on taking the lead during more intimate moments, and to make sure you just lay back and let him do all the work, introduces soft silk ties for your hands and ankles for whenever you feel like indulging in that kink with him.
Gortash:
Spoils you rotten.
No, really.
Part of the highlight of being a Lord, soon-to-be Duke, is that he has the power to make all the other people do things for him. And no task is too costly or requires too much manpower so long as it means you’re taken care of.
Buys the most lavish sheets and sleep sets for you. He wants you to be comfortable, the both of you deserve nothing but the best, after all.
Assigns around-the-clock healers to you 24/7. They are always in your home, on-call, awaiting your request for relief. He wants every measure of treatment and remedy explored. If there’s a spell or herb that can reduce your pain, then you shall have it.
Enjoys any downtime he has with you. Has his staff put a special chaise lounge in his office so you can visit him when he’s working.
Gortash is so used to putting up fronts for everyone else, that it’s nice to let his guard down around you. You don’t judge him, or think less of him for his ambitions. Other people would run if they learned the truth, but not you. No, you’re so much more special than that.
Of course, whenever you go out, you have your own guards and steel watch keeping you safe from anyone who’d wish to harm either you or him. All the other Lords and Ladies of Baldur’s Gate don’t dare say a mean word about you or your abilities, lest they wish to face the wrath of a peeved Gortash.
As an inventor, Gortash invents the very first automatic, steampunk-esque wheelchair for you. It’s powered in the same way his Steel Watch is, and it is uniquely one-of-a-kind, tailor-made just for you.
You know how in the game it’s hinted that Gortash basically stole and fucked his way into the high society of Baldur’s Gate? That many of the widowed Ladies gifted him lavish presents (like the deeds to their house?!) in response to whatever ‘relationship’ he had with them? Yeah. The man knows what he’s doing. And he does it well.
Your fitness level is no concern to him. The both of you will enjoy yourselves. He learns how to play the erogenous zones of your body perfectly, and in the event you’re too exhausted to play his, he has some, shall we say, special toys, he’s created just for himself. Course, should you ever ask, he’s more than willing to share them with you. ;)
Raphael:
Switches between pampering you to badgering you about it.
When he’s feeling particularly generous, he makes a point to overindulge you, making sure you’re aware of how unselfish he’s being at the time.
He’ll make sure you have not only whatever you need, but also, anything you should want. As a devil, he does have some magic up his sleeve, ready to take care of various aches and pains that you feel.
Ensures no other beings in the House of Hope lay a finger on you. No, that’s a privilege for him and him alone.
Of course, such benevolence from him comes at a price, so don’t expect the luxury to come freely, without strings attached.
After he feels you’ve rested enough, he switches from being overly doting to being more curt, and even a bit cruel.
You honestly don’t expect him to let you lounge all day, do you? Surely there’s a way you could make yourself useful to him. Your attention, your company, your body… there must be something of interest to him at the moment. Of course, Raphael won’t tell you outright what he wants, you have to figure it out for yourself each and every time.
More than anything Raphael loves your adoration, your attention. Just sit with him in his office as he reads over the various contracts he has binding any number of sorry souls. Ask him questions, praise him. Tell him you think he’s brilliant… Darling just worship him.
And after his ego’s been satisfied, he’ll go back to worshiping you. Relationships are all give and take after all.
(And don’t worry if you’re too tired or in too much pain to perform well in bed. He’s certainly no good at it either lol.)
#bg3 x reader#bg3 imagine#baldurs gate 3 x reader#baldurs gate 3 imagine#bg3 imagines#astarion x reader#wyll x reader#halsin x reader#dammon x reader#gortash x reader#raphael bg3#raphael x reader#bg3#hc
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Creepypasta hcs.
TW: Mental illness/sh. It's nothing too graphic but if you don't want to hear about that I would recommend not reading this sorry🩷🩷🩷
Toby
🤎has LOTS of piercings. It's not like he can feel it so why not? Not just on his face, everywhere. With an unsterilized sewing needle he found somewhere. It's a miracle they don't all get infected.
🤎 Toby's one of the girls according to Nina. He's also known to attend a tea party or two with Sally.
🤎He basically lives in ejs room. His own room is just for storing belongings at this point. He sleeps late so there isn't an issue with him interrupting ejs routine.
🤎LOVES extreme flavors. Spicy, sour, salt and vinegar. He has a bad sense of taste so these flavors make food more fun for him.
🤎He is bisexual. He thought he was asexual before meeting ej. He had a brief crush on clockwork but she made it clear that it wasn't going to happen.
Ej
💙Very quiet and awkward with most people. Nina likes to rant to him because he listens well and she likes to talk a LOT.
💙He looks tough and like he doesn't care but in reality he gets really overwhelmed in social settings.
💙He has OCD and horrible intrusive thoughts. He struggles with self esteem issues because of that and the cannibal thing.
💙A bad intrusive thought he has is imagining himself eating other proxies. It makes it hard to talk to them face to face. He feels really guilty.
💙He worries a lot about freaking out toby but he couldn't care less. Toby doesn't care about cannibalism or the ocd repetitions or anything. Why would he?
💙He is so lucky he managed to get a room with a bathroom attached so he can do his morning routine without interruption.
💙He doesn't have a label when it comes to sexuality. He doesn't think about it at all. Toby was his first and he doesn't think there'll ever be anyone else.
Nina
🩷has a slight crush on clockwork but doesn't do anything about it. She would still be with Jeff in a heartbeat if he gave her a chance so it doesn't feel right to pursue Natalie.
🩷Erotomania hit her HARD. It's what started this all. Since becoming a proxy, it slowly got better. Especially when she gained female friends. Talking with Jane really helped. She still likes Jeff and is prone to relapses.
🩷She didn't have friends before becoming a proxy. She was a 'weird kid' and she scared other kids off. It majorly contributed to her mental illness/ obsession with Jeff
🩷 She's a maladaptive daydreamer. Sometimes she'll pace around her room listening to music and imagining things. Sometimes she'll convince herself that the things she'll imagine are true(Jeff).
Jeff
❤️he is absolutely disgusting. He'll murder people and later crawl into bed without even taking his clothes off. Shoes in the house/ on his bed. He doesn't care. Slenderman had to intervene a lot.
❤️He is very aggressive with the other proxies. He's in a constant spiral and it honestly saddens the others. They are tired of him but also sad for him.
❤️he yelled in Sally's face one time when she touched his stuff and got beaten up by multiple other proxies(with Sally out of the room of course). Safe to say they don't get along.
❤️ he's surprisingly gentle with smile dog. They love to play with each other and smile sleeps in Jeff's room. He's always in a lighter mood with smile dog. He's just a dog person in general.
❤️ Despite how he acts he does like most of the other proxies. It's very hard for him to apologize but he does feel guilty when he rages. His way of saying sorry is usually in the form of handling missions for them or a chore they had to do.
Slenderman
🤍I wouldn't say he feels parental towards the proxies but he definitely feels something towards them. Idk if even he knows. They are under his control and they do his bidding but he also worries about them. It's not a Healy relationship obviously but it's more than worker and boss.
🤍He has a soft spot for Jeff. It's why he gets away with more than the others do. He takes care of him as best he can while dealing with everyone else.
🤍He spoils Sally and lazari so much. The proxies do to. When they kill people the retrieve toys or candy from their houses for them. They get their way 90% of the time. Everyone mostly feels bad that kids are living in this environment.
#creepypasta#nina the killer#ticci toby#sally#lazari creepypasta#lazari#toby#ej#eyeless jack#ticcijack#clockwork#natalie ouellette#nina#nina hopkins#jack nyras#hc#headcanon#mental illness#tw#ocd#this ended up being more sad than I meant it to be
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Ok ever since I sent out that "what your characters would say is their favorite thing about their partners vs. their actual favorite" ask to a few friends I've been wanting to do it for my own OCs/ships so here goes:
(long and somewhat sappy-romantic post ahead, you've been warned)
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Rae Would Say: Warren's eyes Her Actual Favorite: The moments when he shows his gentleness and kindness in subtle ways, like offering to help carry a stranger's groceries out to their car for them if he sees them struggling. He doesn't always believe he's a good person after what he's been through, but she loves to see how kindness still seems automatic to him despite that doubt.
Warren W. Would Say: The way Rae puts her hand on his back, right between his wings, when she comes up behind him His Actual Favorite: How unbelievably dedicated she is to protecting the things she loves - it can border on dangerous and that scares him, but he's also included in that list and it makes him feel valued and wanted.
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Robin Would Say: How Peter can turn anything into a good time Her Actual Favorite: How much focus and attention he gives to her, especially when it comes to things like learning ASL or helping her through her TBI recovery. She knows slowing down isn't easy for him, but it means a lot that he's willing to take the time to learn and support her.
Peter M. Would Say: Robin's singing voice His Actual Favorite: Genuinely her singing voice, though really it runs deeper than just liking the way it sounds - it's tied to how they first met, he finds it calming and just hearing her sing can make him happy after a bad day, and it's even more special since it took a while for her to start singing again after her TBI
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Madison Would Say: The way he always has her back Her Actual Favorite: The way he makes her feel at ease - it takes a lot for her to genuinely trust someone enough to let her guard down all the way, and she loves that she can relax around him.
Alex Would Say: The little fascination she has with his hands (she'll just reach for his hands and start kind of...fidgeting with them? He finds it wildly endearing) His Actual Favorite: The way she unconsciously leans into him even when she's asleep - like she knows it's him and trusts him even when she's not even awake
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Ophelia Would Say: The way she can joke with him Her Actual Favorite: The way he really understands and empathizes with what she's been through, even the dark patches of her life
Peter P. Would Say: Her intellect and quick wit His Actual Favorite: Similar to Ophelia's actual answer, the way she understands the dark parts of his life and helps him move past them
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Gia Would Say: Kate's laugh Her Actual Favorite: The way Kate doesn't judge her for her anxiety issues or illness flares, and the way she'll try to rearrange the plans to accommodate them so they don't have to cancel things entirely
Kate Would Say: When Gia gets a little flustered- it's just adorable! Her Actual Favorite: The way Gia's willing to expand her comfort zone for her... that's not easy for her and Kate knows it, and even more once she has the context for everything Gia went through before, so it means a lot that she's willing to expand those boundaries.
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Jasper Would Say: How he's always there for them - even when they've had fights, he always shows up when they need them Their Actual Favorite: Same as above, but with the context that their dad got into an accident just a few days after Jasper and Kyle got into a big fight, and Kyle still showed up and drove them across three states so they could be there for their dad- he really does show up when it counts
Kyle Would Say: How they don't flinch at the bad times, they just take it all in stride His Actual Favorite: How unafraid they are to be themself - it takes a lot of guts to be openly alt and openly queer in Louisiana, especially while still being a part of female-dominated spaces like nursing and roller derby, and he respects the hell out of them for it
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Kestrel Would Say: His eyes, they're that gorgeous hazel color that reminds them of autumn leaves Their Actual Favorite: His confidence, both out in the field and in their relationship. He's steady when Kestrel falters, and that's what they need sometimes.
Warren B. Would Say: Their adaptability and problem-solving His Actual Favorite: The place they've found amid his family - his family is everything to him, and so is Kestrel, and he's grateful to see them find a home with him.
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Katherine Would Say: His chivalry, he's always such a gentleman Her Actual Favorite: She really does love his chivalry, he treats her with so much respect and she always feels incredibly loved and valued
Ahk Would Say: Her creativity His Actual Favorite: How open-minded she is - and not even about the magic itself, she's just always willing to learn more about the people around her, and she never has judgements about their experiences
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Quinn Would Say: How he notices all the little details Their Actual Favorite: All the little things he does to support her, and how he genuinely enjoys doing those things for her - it's never a burden to him, he just wants her to be happy and will do anything he can to make that happen
Billy Would Say: The way she looks, he just thinks she's stunning His Actual Favorite: How they've always got each other's backs, he can always count on her to watch out for him, to have a backup plan ready if things go wrong, and to trust her when he's not sure who else to trust.
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Eris Would Say: His body - they'd insist it's a purely physical, carnal attraction His Actual Favorite: How Rick seems to see her as more than just a weapon or an embodiment of chaos, he seems to genuinely value them as a person and see the depth that others - even Eris themself - tend to miss
Rick Would Say: Those quiet late-night moments where Eris allows himself to be soft His Actual Favorite: The little moments when Eris proves they care about him - tossing his favorite snacks into the grocery cart, stashing an extra mag in their armor pouch so he doesn't run out of ammo, the rare moment they openly show that affection in larger ways, etc.
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Nikoletta Would Say: Abner's gentleness Her Actual Favorite: The way he always seems to notice when she needs attention or support, even when she's bad at noticing that for herself. He's good at pulling her away from her self-destructive and isolating spirals
Abner Would Say: *wouldn't actually be able to articulate any verbal thoughts, it's too on-the-spot and too personal His Actual Favorite: The way he never feels like a burden when it comes to her - he's able to speak his mind, he's able to express his wants and needs and have those things actually met instead of ignored, she remembers his routines, etc.
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Jimmy Would Say: Lars' intelligence His Actual Favorite: The fact that no matter how much of a workhorse Lars can be, and no matter how much he might put up a show of being annoyed when Jimmy tries to coax him to take a break, he always does put a bookmark in his work if Jimmy asks. The theatrics are just for fun - he knows where Lars' priorities really lie.
Lars Would Say: Jimmy's genuine kindness and generosity His Actual Favorite: His intrinsic love for humanity and the people around him, no matter their background - not only surprising for a man of his background, but refreshing against a world of cynics.
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Vivienne Would Say: How strong and competent he looks when he's working on the ship Its Actual Favorite: His pet names for her - she finds them endearing, for one, but it's also reassuring to have those little reminders of how he cares about her since she didn't get that affection or respect from her first husband
Wojchek Would Say: Her stories His Actual Favorite: How transparent it is - it wants something and it tells him without waiting for him to guess, she tells him she loves him all the time, she might enjoy playing with language but she's very clear about what she feels
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Indigo Would Say: How well-spoken he is Her Actual Favorite: Just how much he cares about her - maybe that feels cheap, but for someone who's been on her own effectively from the beginning, there's something incredibly valuable about everything he's willing to do for her in both the big gestures and the little moments
Hux Would Say: How she's so unafraid to be herself His Actual Favorite: How she's always seen him as more than his past or his reputation; he can't change the past, but he's trying to be better, and her faith in him helps him fight for that.
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Prometheus Would Say: His voice Their Actual Favorite: The way he always reaches for them. He's always got an arm around their shoulders, a hand on their knee when they're sitting down, an excuse to hold them when they take a break for the night... it's like he always wants to keep them close.
Corinthian Would Say: Their dedication to what they do His Actual Favorite: The fact that he's not exempt from their protectiveness if he were to harm the dreamers they defend - it seems a little backwards, but to him it helps keep things grounded, and it reminds him that they really see him for what he is and not just some romanticized image of him.
____
Might add Spider and Terra later on, but I don't have a firm grasp on their relationship dynamics just yet.
#my ocs#rae mckinney#robin cassidy#madison douglas#ophelia octavius#gia pantazis#jasper wilson#oc kestrel#oc katherine johnson#oc quinn/aces#oc eris#nikoletta bordeaux#jimmy luciano#oc vivienne#oc indigo#oc prometheus
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Day 8 of Regressuary
Theme: Lonely
Charachters: Berry and Queen Bee
Fandom: Helluva Boss
Summary: Berry learns that sometimes its okay to feel a bit lonely and that she doesn't always need to be regressed around people to be happy. She can just be happy with some alone time.
Authors Note: Thank you to @theogclownboy for helping me come up with this plot! Also, please reblog! It helps spread my regression content a lot more (esp because i realized my most recent fics havent gotten that much traction even though I put a lot of work into them) It just helps support me a lot!
Sigh.
Berry had been staring at her phone screen for about 10 minutes now, slightly swinging her phone from side to side to hear the gentle click-cling! Of her phone charm. She was soooooooo boooooooooored. After a not so busy day at the nail salon and a few days of canceled band practice due to scheduling issues with the rest of the members she practically felt like she was dying. She only talked to like 5 people max today! That was so not cool. She slunk further into her beanbag now feeling herself start to slip into littlespace, and frankly making things worse. She felt like she was so needy and attention starved when little. She just couldn't help it! Shes just a kiddo who needs to talk and play and run and urgh! So frustrating! Berry huffed looking back at her phone screen. 15 minutes now. 15 minutes and Bee still hasn't messaged her back. She knew she was probably busy but....it couldn't help but bother her. Not even her babysitter wanted to talk to her. Were people just avoiding her? She asked to herself now standing up to try and get her mind off of things. She pulled out her sippy cup and filled it with some energy drink to help herself out. The good thing about no babysitter meant that no one could stop her from having her energy drink! She giggled to herself while her tail wagged. "Im gonna be the most hyper princess the world has ever seen!"
Oh and she was the most hyper princess alright! Although the world couldn't see it. The world was too busy right now. Berry realized that about 2 laps into running around the room. No one to chase her....no one to chase....how in the heck was this supposed to be fun? She felt her hyperness settle down a bit as her mood had once again been ruined. One more glance at her phone got her heart rate all the way back up! Then plummeting down as she realized what the text message said:
💬 Sorry honey bee! Im at a sins meeting right now! I'll be busy for a few hours but as soon as im done ill be over there right away! Just in time to tuck you in!
In time to tuck her in? That was like forever from now! She would only get to see Bee when it was time for bed! "Urgh! It's not fair! Why doesn't anyone wanna play with me?" Berry said as she stomped her foot and threw her phone on the couch. She immediately plopped down onto the ground stubbornly and gave a big "hmph!". Although....no one was here to give her reassurance or talk her out of pouting anymore....what was the point of pouting if it wouldn't fix anything? Just make her feel worse? Berry sighed and got up picking up her phone again now sending back a message.
💬 Bee-Bee! How do I not be bored by myself?
This time Bee replied within a few minutes
💬 Oh honey that's easy! Some games need 2 people but other activities just need one! Like drawing or playing with dolls. Use your imagination! You have a big one and I know it! Now i really gotta pay attention but i'll talk to ya l8r baby bee! 💖🍯🐝
💬 Bye bye Bee-Bee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After sending her last message Berry put down her phone and thought for a second. She loved a lot of other activities! But a lot of them she did with Bee....although she just had to be creative! Berry began to pace around the room to think of something to do. Something she could do with just herself. It finally popped into her head! The ultimate girls night! But just with herself! A berry night!
It took about an hour to set up but Berry finally did it! She set up her own pillow fort, had a movie up and running as well as her coloring book and nail kit nearby to do both her and her plushies nails! "Bee-bee is gonna be so proud of me when she comes! Then we can....oh wait we can't. Bee-Bee's coming home late...." Berry said with a whimper as she felt herself getting sad again. She sat in front of her plushie peppermint and sighed. "Whadda I do peppermint? I did everythin Bee-Bee said buh I still feel lonely....no one wants to talk to me or-or play or anythin! No one wants ta be around me....except you and Usagi..." Berry said sadly in reference to her GIANT pink bunny plushie. "I guess if you and Usagi are here im not alone then..." Berry said after a bit of consideration as her ears perked up slightly. "Yeah....yeah! Im not alone because you're here for me! When no one else can be! And I know you both love me! And-and so does Bee buh shes just busy....and thats okay! Because im with my best-est-est-est friends in the world!" Berry said as she scooped up Peppermint into a tight hug and held the little plushie close to her. "I think im okay now. All the nasty lonely is gone an now its time ta have some fun! With my own night! Its a berry night!" She said as her Berry Night went on with lots of movies, snacks, coloring, popcorn, and fake gossip filled her night with fun. Maybe being by herself wasn't all that bad sometimes! She could simply just make her own fun.
Art by @theogclownboy
Hope you enjoyed! Please like and reblog to help support!
#sfw agere#sfw regression#sfw littlespace#helluva boss agere#agere rp#hazbin hotel agere#helluva ocs#sfw agere roleplay#helluva boss rp#helluva boss oc#hellaverse#hellhound#helluva boss#sfw age regression#sfw little community#age regression sfw#sfw little blog#agere community#agere#regressuary 2025#regressuary#agere fandom#agere fic#agere fanfic#agere writing#helluvaverse#littleberry#askberry
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wotw round 1
propaganda under the cut!
anders:
So for context as to Why This Has Happened, he does happen to be an incredibly controversial character because of bad writing and that time he blew up a catholic church (complicated), so a lot of fans, even fans who otherwise wouldnt do so, of him swung HARD in the other direction of "he has basically no flaws at all" which is. Not True. Even if you agree with the blowing up a church thing. He is RUDE and MEAN and HAS BOUNDARY ISSUES. also he js very much the epitome of Extremely White activist and doesnt know how to communicate unless he is arguing (he is not good at arguing and he does not like doing it. these conflicting traits cause exactly the amount of problems you think it would).
Now are these various issues he has generally due to "forcibly imprisoned in a cult", "a year of solitary confinement", and "hes mentally ill and his writer is incredibly ableist"? Yeah for sure. But that doesnt mean the solution is to scrub every flaw he has away or pretend like they dont matter or blame it on the (very cool and sweet) guy possessing him (willingly) its SO uninteresting. And then if you try to talk about these flaws you get people excitedly talking about how they always without fail kill the passively suicidal man and how his romance is inherently abusive to the pc or some shit. Im DYING out here
link:
I know this is like really minor but it bugs me SO much. Ok so. At the beginning of the game, Link gets woken up by Zelda. She calls him a sleepyhead. Later in the game, she references that he would oversleep sometimes. Some of the other npcs do this also. Fandom decided that this was one of his only personality traits, being a sleepy little soft guy who loves his girlfriend soooo much (ok, he does love her a lot, but that's not the point).
This just makes me so upset because he. is. not. sleepy.
Oversleeping doesn't make you sleepy! Many fics portray him as someone that's very soft and gentle and kind and can fall asleep anymore!
At the very most, he's tired. He pushed himself hard during his quest, losing sleep. Afterwards, he would probably go back to a regular sleep schedule and sleep fine (barring nightmares). This is a very different thing than sleepy!
Anyway. Next point. Soft and gentle. He is a kind person, he's on a time sensitive quest and he'll stop to help a mother find her lost child, help a demon become human, find a LOT of lost things, all sorts of stuff like that, but he is not soft and gentle. At the very beginning of the game, he tells the bully "nice hair" (it's kinda ridiculous). Many of his answers are short and blunt. He says "not that guy" when he has to enlist the help of someone he doesn't like. He broke a chandelier for the equivalent of five dollars. He eavesdropped on a private argument-- like literally if you walk by the house at the right time control is taken from the player and he'll walk towards and listen to it. He tells a guy that his elder is dead just for shits and giggles (he's not).
Anyway. Fandom, of course, remembers none of this. He's the peacemaker, he's the soft and gentle one, he falls asleep whenever possible-- he is none of these things! The only thing they get right is that he loves Zelda!
I just want the fics where he's properly snarky and rude and tired (of this bullshit), is that too much to ask?
#tournament poll#anders#dragon age#link#legend of zelda#loz#wotw#round 1#fun fact i did not remember
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HEADCANONS FOR SILLY RADIO MAN GAME
Henry
- calls his mom “Ma”
- Is selectively mute and only talks to his mother or others when there is no possible way to avoid it. Hates talking.
- Likes slasher horror films
- the mamas boy to end all mama’s boys, would basically only listen to his mother and no one else
- Got into crazy fights as a child because he would not take shit from anyone and had attitude issues, especially if the slight was against his mom
- Had a reputation in school for being a weird violent kid who never talks.
- Has like no friends
- Looks extremely similar to his mother and almost nothing like his father (despite Marie saying otherwise)
- Middle name is George (was going to be Theodor like his dad but Marie thought it was kinda lame lol)
Marie
- middle name is(was?) Reagan (exorcist reference)
- She dealt with hardships in life (difficulty making rent, Henry getting sick, etc.) by going on tirades about how everything wrong with her life is because of the people in GC and they all deserved to die. Blamed all of her problems (more or less rightfully so) on the people who wronged her
- Loved Henry to the bone but was too mentally ill to see she was destroying him and any chance he had at a future
- Ever since Whistling Night ‘68, she got terrible nightmares that would wake her up constantly
- Quite tall
- Secretly jacked, poured all the spiteful energy she could muster into learning how to kick ass
George
- sometimes had emotional regulation issues and outbursts of intense rage for example, when he lost a game (never directed at anyone, always just within himself or taken out on objects like a ball or a tree) which was taken out of context and used as evidence that he was a violent delinquent.
- In reality was extremely gentle and sweet and wouldn’t hurt anyone.
- Was kind of introverted and would take a long time to open up to other kids so people in his classes didn’t really know him that well despite him being involved in a lot of extracurriculars. Kept to himself (or with Jason and Marie)
- Blonde
Ricky
- is a redhead (auburn?) and has freckles
Max
- is a golden retriever
- Is a good boy
Leslie
- totally has a crush on Sara (is it unrequited? Do they get together? The world may never know!)
- Is Latina
Sara Martinez
- is also Latina (is this a headcanon if her name is literally Sara Martinez lol??)
The Stines
- Got married right out of high school (I swear we see a wedding invite in the game in the chuck puzzle and can’t recall for the life of me what year it says)
- Were high school sweethearts like George and Marie were
Eugene
- inherited his poor eyesight from his father
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Giving you an excuse to talk about his seven hoes
🌺- Do they have any love interest(s)?
For Citra
oh you know i love to talk about citra's seven hoes
🌺- Do they have any love interest(s)?
citra has so much passion in him. it's an integral part of his character. he's so emotional and deep into anything he does so. yes, he has seven hoes. he loves each one of them dearly.
ciaran maurin - when citra meets ciaran, he's nothing, just the ward of merel ness, and he's kind of at the point where he's kind of accepted that he's going to be nothing. maple sure as hell isn't going to give him that boost, and he's desperate for other people's approval (rabbithole.mp3). ciaran is the first person who believes he can be something other than what he is. ciaran is the person who's able to give citra the jumping-off point that causes him to become much more confident (dangerously so). he's still haunted by ciaran for the rest of his life. he can't chop down freypoint woods, and he will never want to.
ania livias- citra murders ania's husband. he does a lot of murder. and ania hates him for it. at the same time, she loses precious protection by not marrying him. she activates citra's mommy issues. citra infuriates her. the two of them are incredibly horrible for each other, and ania leaves him pretty soon after their whirlwind affair. it tears him up. the worst thing about his thing for older people is that he wants validation and he also murdered her husband so ania isnt willing to give it to him unless the exchange is transactional.
gilbert cutmore - literally the equivalent of committed to the bit. he was supposed to be in citra's house reporting back to clover but like. what can he say, pretty man. citra values gilbert as a steadfast companion, someone who's just always been there and has been a soft, gentle force. gilbert has been there through everything and citra loves him for it. gilbert will never leave him and honestly, that's the stability citra desperately needs.
marco vaude - lord have fucking mercy dude these two are AWFUL. marco wont stop sucking up. citra thinks he's pathetic. marco wants citra's validation. citra just wants marco's. their breakup is so messy that citra wouldn't stop talking about it for days. they got back together two weeks later. they broke up again. marco wanted clout in diamond and citra laughed him out of the room the final time they broke up. citra inspired the collective vaude inferiority complex.
celine beaufort- celine and citra was actually really sweet, but short-lived. inherently, they were not meant to be but god they had a good time. celine was just trying to have some fun and citra wanted something very serious. they're still friendly, but as you can tell that it's a little strained. she's a noblewoman and he's the king so if they ever committed it would've been super beneficial for her, but man she is just not in this to be married! she was married once and didnt like it!
caius kira - man how can you import so many WHORES (citra had a hotgirl summer). another case of toxic yaoi, but this time caius came in with a hashtag AGENDA he was like pleaseee help support william silvamillion against the roseleis and ill eat you out and citra had a moment of "you are old enough to be my father you should be demeaning me." it was a very humiliating positive pregnancy test result after their subsequent messy breakup.
passiflora roselei - passiflora shows up and citra is like hm. i need her. and passiflora is initially like "who is this weird... freak". she's also intially angry at gilbert for betraying her aunt maple and staying in diamond despite the revolt of the silvamillions, but because she can't go back to clover she's stuck with the ezra-diamonds. slowly they end up bonding, and they are very good for each other. she even ends up accepting gilbert as her boy as well, and the three of them just end up being the world's most unhinged polycule. citra adores her and the two of them are both incredibly similar. like calls to like, and theyre both very passionate people.
#i love historyverse it is so silly#historyverse#citrine ezra diamond#passiflora roselei#ciaran maurin#gilbert cutmore#caius kira#celine beaufort#marco vaude#ania livias#the unholy trinity#i love citra/ciaran but i also love unholy trinity just as much this is why citra being polybi is everything
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OC Nina Cerasus deep dive part 2.
Meet my OC from my Star-crossed story. (She is a young woman living in her early twenties on Naboo. The time period is before the Phantom Menace.) I already made a short list about her. This is a little more deeper and collected. I hope you enjoy knowing her and like her as much as I do. Sorry for any mistype or bad English this is not my first language. I made a mood board about how I imagine her, the pictures are from Pinterest.
have they / would they dye their hair? she is a natural dark chocolate brunette, maybe she would add some colorful highlights
do they maintain eye contact when talking? definitely
what is their tell for lying? a small movement, she picks her right pinky finger.
do they have an accent? she speaks in Nabooan dialect, also, she has a raspy seductive voice. People often ask her if she has a sore throat. Sometimes she sounds out of breath because of her illness.
what languages do they speak? basic, binari (droid), kenari,
what kind of music do they listen to? alternative/ acoustic/classic piano, also I think she would like Lana del Rey, Hozier and Mitski
describe them in one word. What could happen to make them the opposite? Abandoned. / Stay by.
do they have any ghosts? yes, her mom died, her dad left, and Maul broke her heart
what is their worst fear? left alone, die alone, being forgotten
what is a secret they do not tell anyone? she has a few:
That her relationship was with Maul (in my Star-crossed fic)
She was there when her mom died.
She was the one who unveiled her fathers frauds and thefts and sent him to jail. It's her revenge.
what motto do they live by? Ad astra per aspera. - Through hardships to the stars.
if they were a famous figure, who would they be? she was inspired by many characters from movies or books, also from my own life, but if I have to say some concrete examples it would be Amal Clooney's and Dakota Johnson's dressing style, a lot of inpo comes from Ellie Saab and Zuhair Murad gowns. And Sofia Bush's voice.
Also she got her name from my highscool bff called Nina. (She passed away a few years ago sadly due to a car accident.) So it's like a memorial thing to name my oc of her. A few of her personality traits, her freckles and silly moments also given to my character that remind me of my friend. And the green eyes my oc has is coming from me.
personality: the constant fear of being abandoned, having trust issues and the feeling of never being good enough. And she is trying to be the best version of herself by working hard and passionately. She fears to show out her real emotions or build connections, especially romantic ones.
what great moment shaped them to be who they are? Have they lived through the moment yet?
discovering her heart disease
when her mom got sick her dad left them and made his own family
Maul choose revenge over her and left in the Phantom Menace, she thinks he just left and used her, she never knew he was the sith assassin till my Heavenbound fic
her grandma’s first accident, then her hospital rest time
Wolffe’s love changed her, healed her and made her trust him and believe in love
what is their fatal flaw? fear of abandonment and trust issues makes her make bad decisions
how do they feel about jewelry? painted nails? she likes celestial themed or rare, personalized dainty jewelry
she gets her nails done soft almond shapes, and always decorated with stars and moons and use sparkly nail polish
what kind of art are they? astrophile as a hobby, art deco as a style, romanticism as paintings and mythological in sculptures and a femme fatale archetype in movies/novels
do they play a sport? weekly pilates lessons and dancing in clubs
do they have a speech impairment? how would that translate across paper? she is well spoken, and intelligent. Also her voice is raspy but in a seductive way.
what could you do to betray their trust? lying
what makes them smile? acts of kindness and gentleness, paying attention to her little things, also the starry sky, and her loved ones
if you had to choose something to make them go all john wick, who would it be? to protect her loved ones
do they swear? in what language? yes in basic mostly
how comfortable do they feel around strangers? she tries to seem calm and collected being in charge of the conversation, but she usually assesses and judges their gestures and researches their back intentions
are they extraverted or introverted? introverted
do they stand straight? what is their posture like? straight and hard like a ballerina's posture
what is their sleep schedule like? when she has time after work on mini power naps on rare occasions, she’s more insomniac workaholic
would they consciously invade someone else's body space? even a stranger's? always holds a decent distance, except when she flirts
how do they feel about contact with other people? do they flinch? she doesn’t like touchy people and only hugs her loved ones
are they the first to hug? never (exception if when she hugs Maul)
what would make them kill / stop them from killing? her morals, she wouldn’t hurt anyone on purpose and she avoids physical harm
how do they smile? do they have dimples? yes she has smaller dimples, and in her apples and on her chin, and it makes her diastema visible
what about their teeth -- braces? sharp teeth? dentures? yellow teeth? what about spots? hers are white and straight but she has diastema (a big space between her two front teeth)
how do they get others' attention? clear their throat? punch them? clears her throat,
do they talk with their hands? sometimes
what is their final goal? building her home, having a family and feeling safe
how would they describe happiness? being with the people she can trust and love, under the bright starry night admiring the comets
what is their biggest conflict? it doesn't need to be big for everyone else, only for them.
she needs to learn to let others in and be open for love
it’s hard for her to understand that Wolffe is loves her and doesn’t have the intention to leave her
also letting go Maul, she never knew who he truly was and her ideal about him got shattered in my Heavenbound fic, she had a hard time learning the truth letting her feelings go and having a closure, after she meets him on Mandalore
how do they react to death? seel super sad, and isolate herself
do they cry? how do they cry ? in silent tears, or sobbing and screaming in pain, but she is not a crybaby. she suppresses it and have “episodes” of panic attacks she refers to as“inner storms”
how do they react when someone else is crying? can they comfort a stranger? she tries to give some sort of solution or comfort, she is empathetic
how are they around pets? are they allergic to any? she is allergic to tooka cats, she loves wolves
following up, do they have allergies? to some pollens, and tooka cats
do they take off their shoes going into a stranger's house? would they offer to do the dishes? she offers to help cleaning up
do they call strangers by their first name or title? she is a professional lawyer so she calls people on their title/ titled name or accost
how do they show fear? trying to hide it? shaking? etc. she tries to hide it and acting calm and collected, try to show out her fearlessness, her voice is tremble and she shake's lightly
what is their impact on other characters? she usually gives the impression of a beautiful, clever, well spoken intelligent women who is very elusive and cunning
how could any of these change by the end of the story? we can see her softened up and warm hearted true self in the end of Heavenbound, she heals her traumas from Starcrossed, lets go of her past and builds her own family. She learns to trust and she dies while she is defending others.
Taglist: @hellhound5925 @cloneloverrrrr @stardustbee @the-chains-are-the-easy-part @firstofficerwiggles
let me know if you would like to be added!
#meet my oc#nina nerasus#oc nina cerasus#nika's writing#star-crossed the fic#maul and nina#if you have questions i am so happy to answear them#character deep dive#OC info dump#OC info#my oc nina cerasus#my oc#maul x nina#heavenbound the fic
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Pelipper mail!
[Oh! It's a letter from Polaris!]
“Dear Dewdrop and Drea,
I am so so sorry for my lack of a letter on Tuesday. Things are really staring to kick up at the sanctuary and I simply did not have the time. So today you are getting a Thursday letter instead of a Friday letter to try and make up for it.
It seems that we have resolved the Walrein issue. Unfortunately, it seems that the only Walrein that the pod will accept as their leader is…Wallace. It’s going to break my heart to see him go, but it’s for the best for both him and the pod.
Drea: Hi darling. Of course I can help you with the service mon stuff when I get home, it would be my pleasure. It can be a bit nerve wracking, but you’re being very brave asking me about it and I promise I will train you up the best and most gentle service mon. I see Ingo and Emmet are visiting! A shame that I missed them, they are excellent battlers and I would have loved to have a mock battle against them. Another time. I’m sure they will train up your Larvitar to be wonderful and strong! It’s lovely to see Liam and Dune getting on well.
Viv: Hello dewdrop :) Augh I’m missing you so much. My futon is lonely without you in it. I would say cold but it turns out Bird is quite clingy at bed time haha. I got an idol commissioned for you, a carved on of a crowen gyarados. And one for Drea of a sudowoodo but that’s a surprise. It’ll be ready next week. Ah. Speaking of. It’s going to take me a bit longer to get home. Skie got it in xer head that while I’m here I should do an interview on the main Sanctuary account, so it seems that’s what I’ll be busy with next week. But I’ll be on my way home as soon as that’s all done. Lovely to hear that Queenie and the babies are doing well. How is Dreamie? I’m missing seeing her little face in the tank by my bed every morning, lovely little girl.
I love you both bunches and bunches!
-Your Starlight and Birdie”
[ There's photos like always; The babies seem more round and have their bristles now, looking like small pom poms while one dramatic photo labeled as 'Mr.Mischeif' shows a feisty lil bab using Bounce on a toy. There are several photos of Dreamie too, mainly with her sleeping on things or chasing a small ball toy around her tank.] Hi Opie! That sounds super nice! Uncle Ingo taught me about batles Battles and types! All the mons are super duper cuddly this week for some reason but Miss Viv only smiles sadly when I ask why :( Maybe they are cold? I might have to bring them my blankets!
Alots A lot of things happened at school too! My teachers are now letting me write with a pen and they say i'm learning very fast! Plus!! Miss Viv said she's getting me a therie past! I don't know what that is but she says that they will help me get better and to be prepared if they ask sad questions because they want to help me get better!! We cannot wait for you to get back home all the Pokémon miss you loads! [Theres another piece of tape that has many little Eevees on it, Seemingly as another border for the letter.] Hello Starlight, It is lonely without you. I swear im used to the smell of you baking in the kitchen haha. Had to get out the old Crown cook book to make some stuff, My mum sent over some recipies to make when you get back.
Take as much time as you need pumpkin, I admit some really weird things have been happening and Xena of all Mons is really on edge. Might need to take her out of the house to relax a bit the poor thing...But, don't worry. I am sure it's just one of those months where odd things happen.
I guess ill need to set up a new shelf for all the trinkets you bring back home, huh? Dreamie is missing you, I swear as soon as you left she started making little hissing noises; most likely doesnt understand where you went but I assure you shes getting alot of love along with all the other mons. Had to hide this photo but I thought you would love it Starlight. I love you and please keep safe. -your Dewdrop [Theres a sneekily hidden photo of all the mons in a cuddle pile; Andrea is cuddled up with them too having dragged all her blankets downstairs to nap with them all]
#THEM))#sorry it took so long! Still recovering lol))#goobers <3))#??? Event mentioned))#Return the lovers with care))#mun explodes and fucking dies#rotomblr#pokeblogging#pokeblr#ask void
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screaming into the void about my personal issues for a moment
i know how to be independent
i am repeatedly prevented from being independent
i love my mom but her love for me is still tied to me being unable to live without her, which hasnt been true since i was nine. her boyfriend thinks i dont know anything about the world and cant think or do anything for myself because im disabled and his girlfriends kid. when i lived with my dad before he threw me away like fucking garbage, i was almost entirely supporting myself and my pets because he absolutely refused to support me. i paid that man rent. i am an adult man.
i am repeatedly prevented from being independent, and then villified for not being independent.
i am grateful that my mom is supporting me while i get my degree, but i never asked her to. she has always wanted me to get a college education and now i am, and it makes me dependent on her, therefore she loves me. shes not even paying my tuition or anything actually college related, she made me take on student loans, and i will be saddled with that debt for the rest of my life because she was unwilling to let me work for a couple years while letting her foot the bill for me for everything else so i could save up. i have a life-long debt that i will never pay off because of her need to make me dependent on her.
i didnt learn to drive from either of my parents. my dad is a shitbag, so i obviously didnt learn from him. my mom screamed and panicked and struck me in the chest because she was so afraid of me driving. i only drove with her three times before i just couldnt safely do it anymore. the only other time i drove with her was the first time i drove on the road. it was in a fucked up that couldnt accelerate past 45mph, could not hard brake, had no rear view mirror, and had a steering wheel that had to make two full turns before the tires would even think about turning. she was spasming and possibly having a stroke in the passenger seat. we were moving to a new place. it was traumatizing. i learned to drive through trial by fire with one person who doesnt know how to drive and isnt licensed and another person who was drunk 90% of the time. i didnt need my mom. she was the reason it took me so long to learn to drive and is still the reason im afraid to drive on the interstate.
she doesnt take care of my pets unless im not home for whatever reason, which is almost never, because she has made me dependent upon her for transport. i have to take care of her dogs a lot because she and her boyfriend keep forgetting to feed and water them at the right times. i clean up after them, i feed and water them, i take them outside. the only thing i dont do with them is play because i fucking hate dogs! i have to take care of dogs when i hate dogs!
her goddamn boyfriend keeps acting like im incapable of doing things until the moment he thinks something should already be done and im clearly the only one who can do it, even if im busy with something else. this is a man who did not know you have to use hot water to wash dishes, so clearly he just cant understand the concept of "im busy right now, ill either get to it tonight or tomorrow." he gets flustered and frustrated and starts yelling in the kitchen and slamming doors and doing things with excess aggression the moment i specifically inconvenience him. if its my mom it doesnt matter, but if its me he throws a tantrum. im the problem in all situations.
i have not been allowed to heal from any of my trauma because im held resoonsible for the feelings and trauma of others. when my mom has issues, i have to fix them and keeo her distracted and help her process and make her feel better. when her boyfriend has issues, im expected to suck it up and be gentle and understanding with him. when i have issues, im met with "weve all got problems, its not getting you out of this" or "youre not the only one with problems, im having a hard day, too" or even "no, youre gaslighting me." have you ever been gaslit by being accused of gaslighting? it is a bad fucking feeling.
im exhausted. im a disabled person, yes, in many ways, but i would not be dependent on anyone if i were allowed to be independent. i dont want to live like this. i cant fucking live like this. im so, so tired. this is the most coherent ive been in days.
sorry to anyone who reads this.
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delusion: part 2
"a/n: hello, hello! cant say i didnt sniffle a little writing this one.
words: 6539 (the word limit kind of faded away as i got emotional)
pairing: loki x f!reader
warnings: angst, but ends with fluff. but a lot of angst. mentions of death, blood, and fingers. and dead bodies. and hypnotism?
another a/n: thanks to @theaudacitytowrite for this little adventure. cant say I wont miss it.
tagging all those who requested for a part 2: @karushinekomiya @midnights-ramblings @savoryloki
read part 1 here!
37 minutes. That’s how long it took for y/n to have her soul crushed. Not crushed, ripped, and trampled all over repeatedly, until her very essence was terminated, until she was nothing but a bag of bones, muscles, and blood. She fell back into her bed as she watched Loki leave her. Forever. She didn’t matter to the god. Of course she didn’t. why did she ever believe that she would be of any importance to him? A mighty god like Loki, a literal prince! What was some simple Midgardian to a being of such alleviated status? y/n felt something trail down her cheek. She was crying. 4 years, 3 months, and 27 days of not one tear- not even when her parents left her to rot- and it took only 37 minutes for her ex-lover to have her eyes release such a foreign substance. She wasn’t even sobbing, just one lonesome tear trailed past her cheekbone, just one tear that contained all her anger, sadness, and pain. She wished she could cry harder. She wished she could cry her eyes dry, and just spontaneously combust while she was at it.
“Okay since the door is open, I’m assuming you guys aren’t doing anything that will scar me for life-“
Nat. Of all those times she could walk into y/n’s room, she picked today. She faltered as she took in the image of y/n sprawled on the bed, staring at the ceiling and into nothingness.
“y/n?” she whispered as she reached for her friend. Her blood froze as she took in y/n’s face. Pale, like a corpse. y/n still hadn’t acknowledged Natasha’s presence. Gently shaking y/n’s shoulder, Natasha called her name again. Nothing. Was she even breathing? Natasha began to panic. Her only friend- aside from Wanda- What ever happened? y/n was fine when she left training a while ago-
“Nat,” came y/n’s voice, a gentle, hoarse whisper.
Rushing to her side, Nat brushed her hair away from her face. “y/n, what happened?”
Finally, y/n met Natasha’s eyes. The pain was so evident in them, just bared out for the whole world to see. Vulnerable, weak. Natasha had never seen y/n like this. The y/n she knew was strong, so strong.
“y/n,” she breathed, “talk to me.”
“He left me.” Her voice cracked, almost as if it wanted to match with the likeliness of her cracked heart.
“What? Right now?”
y/n nodded, not trusting her voice. If only she could find a release for that awful swell in her throat.
“Hours before a mission?” Natasha could have slapped herself for blurting out something so insensitive. Here laid her friend, literally looking like death, and she was worried about a mission. Sure, they had 4 lives to save, but what good was a near-dead agent in a rescue operation?
Natasha had initially come over to y/n’s room for last-minute mission prep. Yes, they had about 2 hours left for the mission, but she could never be too careful with anything.
“Would you like me to leave you alone?”
y/n simply continued to stare at the ceiling. Natasha wished she could see what she was thinking. Although she looked like death, Natasha couldn’t help but notice how she had cried just one tear. Anyone could tell that she needed a while to collect herself. Natasha decided to step out, probably approach Fury and issue a last-minute change of plan. She could take Clint and Peter. Not the best replacement, but she could have Peter go in and look for the agents, while she placed Clint at a farther position, as backup for Peter.
“Stay.” y/n breathed out when Natasha began to retract her arms away.
Perhaps Natasha could stay and provide her friend some support, just for a few minutes. She felt awful about how she couldn’t help more, but this was the most she could do at the moment. ‘Missions first, personal problems next. What are you a hero for?’ as Fury would say. Natasha thought of Loki. How she wished she could knee him in the groin and then cause him a slow painful death.
“Coming up with a plan for murder?” y/n asked, somewhat with a hint of amusement in her voice.
Looking up at y/n’s face, Natasha relished the little smile on her face. Heartbroken as y/n was, she was still alive.
“You know me so well.” She snickered.
“Don’t bother Nat. He doesn’t deserve it.” Lies. Although y/n really wished to let Nat murder Loki, her love for him outdid that need.
“y/n, as much as I would like to stay with you like this, I’m afraid I have work to do. I need to find replacements so the mission can still-“
y/n’s eyes widened. “Wait, what? Replacements?”
“Yes, you obviously cannot go on a mission in this state. I mean, have you seen yourself?”
No. No, no, no. The mission was the only distraction she was counting on. If she stayed behind, she would probably end up doing something she never once thought she would.
“I want to come, Nat. I’m fully capable of fighting today.”
“y/n, think about this. Loki- “ Nat paused, concern refilling her when y/n flinched at his name. Rephrasing, she tried again, “he’s going to be there too, and we cannot risk any mistakes.”
“Nat. you know me. You know how I am. Would I let a little squabble in my personal life come in the way of my work?” y/n was probably lying again, she didn’t know how she could manage being in close proximity with the same person who managed to suck out her very soul, but it was so much better than the alternative. If y/n was deemed unfit for the mission, she would have to spend a day doing nothing, and that was not something she was looking forward to.
“Let me partake in the mission, Nat. I promise ill be okay. I just needed a few moments to collect myself.” y/n added a little smile at the end, hoping she could have Natasha fooled into believing that she was fine.
Gauging her response, Natasha studied y/n’s face for a moment. It was obvious she was lying, but Natasha knew better. She had to let y/n do this. Nodding, she relented.
“Promise you’ll be okay?” she asked, squeezing y/n’s shoulder once before standing up.
“Promise.”
//
He still had 2 hours to burn. 2 hours before he set out on a mission with the person he loved, aka the person whose heart he broke. Once her best friend, Natasha Romanoff found out, she’d probably come straight up to his room to kill him. He would have laughed if he was capable of feeling anything at the moment. He laid in his bed. The mattress was cold, hard, empty. Not even an hour since he left y/n for good, and he was already missing her. Her soft body flush against his chest, as he inhaled her chocolaty scent. The little sighs she subconsciously let out when he wrapped his arms around her. The little twitch in her lips when he whispered something in her ear. It was too late before he realized what he was doing. His heart stopped as his mind screamed at him, you can’t think of her! You don’t deserve to think about her, let alone lay next to her!
Inhaling deeply, he curled up into a ball. How he wished he was someone else. If it weren’t for his past, he and y/n could have lived one of the sweetest lives. Sure, she was a Midgardian, he would still figure out a way to keep her with him forever. If only.
“Top of the morning to you, brother!” Thor’s voice bellowed. Loki groaned internally. It seems, while he was in the middle of his self-deterioration, he forgot to lock his room door.
“What’s gotten you so sullen?” Would he simply leave if Loki didn’t respond?
“Brother. Hello.” Thor said again, shaking Loki’s shoulders. Clearly, he was unaware of Loki’s mental state- but then again, Loki was always like this with everyone. Except his y/n. His y/n? Nope, not anymore. Just y/n.
“Thor.” Loki said, finally acknowledging his cheery brother’s presence.
“Ah, finally. It seems to be getting harder every day to obtain a response from you, brother, hence I must ask- is everything alright?”
Loki wanted to laugh. Hysterically. So, he did. Slow laughter built up in his throat, and before he knew it, his laughter boomed all the way from his stomach. Cold, dry laughter that would run chills up one’s bones. When was the last time he had laughed like this? Out of sorrow? Out of spite for himself?
“Whoa. Am I dreaming? I have never seen you laugh like this, brother. I am now very concerned for you.” Came Thor’s voice, causing Loki’s laughter to die down. Laughter is supposed to make people feel better, right? But the feeling in Loki’s stomach would prove that otherwise. I do not deserve to laugh.
“To what do I owe your presence, dear brother?” Loki was surprised his voice sounded so collected. Almost as if he didn’t just take someone’s heart and stomp all over it. His heart churned as he remembered what he had done. He just wanted to lay in bed and sob.
“It is mission day, brother! We must prepare!” Thor bellowed; his previous question forgotten.
“As it is. Leave. I shall arrive at the quinjet in due time.” Loki hoped Thor didn’t hear how his voice wavered in the slightest.
“Brother- “
“Leave, Thor,” he breathed, his voice cracking at the slightest, “I beg of you.” Maybe Thor didn’t sense the wavering earlier, but he definitely caught this. Besides, Loki never begged.
“What did you do, Loki?” Thor asked gently. It now dawned on him why Loki crawled into a ball. Since they were children, Thor had seen how he would do that every time something had hurt his heart.
Loki scoffed at how Thor questioned his deeds. Of course, Thor would suspect him of some wrongdoing. It was never ‘What happened, Loki?’. Just the accusatory, ‘What did you do now?’. Although, this time, it was his fault. All his fault. Monster.
“y/n,” he said.
“y/n? What happened to y/n?” Loki could feel the sudden anger surge in him. Big, ugly anger- filled with resentment for himself. Why won’t Thor leave him alone? Why can’t he just leave, leave Loki to rot in his room?
“I broke her heart, Thor. I took it, trampled all over it, and left her to scavenge for the shattered bits. Is that enough? Or would you like me to tell you more? Leave, Thor. Leave me alone. I will report at the quinjet for the mission soon.”
Thor realized Loki’s predicament. He knew a situation like this might arise sooner or later, but he hadn’t expected it to occur at such an intensity. His little brother had only begun to experience the joys of love, of living, he had just begun to heal, and his demons were eating at him already.
Sighing, Thor began. “Loki. Look at me.” When Loki didn’t respond, Thor forced him to face him and meet his eyes.
“I may not have a clue about how you deal with most things, but I do know what you are feeling right now, brother. I have known you for many millennia, and no matter how clever and secretive you are, I can always tell how you feel. You feel undeserving of y/n, am I correct?”
Loki inhaled sharply at Thor’s accurate judgment. Was he so predictable?
Almost as if reading his mind, Thor continued, “You aren’t predictable, dear brother. In fact, you are far from it. But it wouldn’t take a fool to see how you feel about y/n. We all see how you look at her, Loki. Like you love her. Like you would do anything for her. But what you don’t realize is that we also see how she looks at you. She loves you, regardless of your scars, your past; she loves you for your heart- she loves you for you, Loki. Anyone who’s incapable of seeing that is simply an ignorant idiot.” Loki’s eyes widened at Thor’s revelation. y/n loved him regardless of what he had done in New York. She loved him, not because he was a god or a prince, but because he was him. Because he was Loki. How could he have been so blind? He wanted to smack himself for being so naïve & insecure. He should have just talked about it to y/n, like she always suggested. ‘Talk to me if you have a problem, Loki. It’s what all couples do. They support each other,’ she had said to him once.
“It isn’t too late. It never is. You can always fix it. Do you understand?” Thor said, bringing Loki back from his thoughts.
Loki needed to sit down and think, and Thor shaking him to elicit a response to his monologue wasn’t really helping.
“Are you done, brother?” Loki asked, his voice and face still monotonous. He needed time with himself. Besides, he never responded to Thor in any other manner. To break that ritual now was to sin.
Thor, however, couldn’t see past Loki’s monotony. Sighing, he said, “I hope you think of my words, Loki. You need y/n, as much as she needs you. Come to terms with that for yourself.”
\\
“Based on what we can tell, they’re going to ask us for the hard drive before they give us Agents Samson, Waller, Bryson, and Stevens- so we’re going to have to stay on our toes,” Hill began, Natasha and y/n listening on intently. Loki wasn’t anywhere to be found, but then he hardly attended the briefings. He simply read case files and had a pretty good idea of what was to be done. “Natasha will be our front. She will deliver the drive, while y/n and Loki go in search of the agents. We need to ensure that we find our men before the decryption of the drive.” She said, looking back at her tablet.
Just then, Loki walked in, looking as pristine and collected as ever. As if he wasn’t running on sleep from a day ago, as if he didn’t have a broken heart weighing him down. y/n’s anger surged. It was infuriating how he wasn’t affected even to the littlest. She put on her mask of indifference perfectly. Last night didn’t happen. Loki was simply her coworker, and she was going to have this mission take place perfectly.
“Um, Agent Hill? Is it possible for me to take Agent Romanoff’s position?” y/n’s voice rang before Hill could give further instructions. Loki noticed how y/n looked calm and ready. Ready, to pounce like the lioness she was. She didn’t acknowledge his presence. Usually, when they met up at briefings, she’d give him the tiniest of smiles, but the sparkle in her eyes would speak more than what they could converse in a lifetime. That one moment always made his morning. He wouldn’t deny the sting he felt in his chest when she asked Agent Hill to change her position.
Agent Hill looked into her tablet and frowned. “I’m sorry Agent y/l/n, but this is the best way we can proceed while ensuring minimal casualties. Loki’s seidr, accompanied by your stealth will help in a faster rescue. Not many people are capable of resisting Natasha’s sweet-talking, so it is best for her to be on the receiving end of the exchange.” she said, winking at Natasha; grinning as Nat returned the wink. “And guys, a quick note. We don’t know these people; we don’t know how they work. If in case shit goes down, call for backup. We’ll be in ASAP. You have a 60-minute time bridge to be in and out. If you’re not out by then, we’re coming in. Understood?”
Quickly sheathing her disappointment, y/n nodded in agreement, “Affirmative, ma’am.” It seemed as if she had to face him after all. But no matter, she reminded herself. I am a hero. An Avenger. My people before myself.
//
“Alright guys, let's move in. I will enter through the main, you both through the back doors. Wait for my signal, and as soon as you receive it, go. Do not waste your time. I assume you have memorized the floor plans?” Natasha asked, putting a gun into her thigh holster. y/n nodded as Loki simply stared.
“Go on then, good luck.”
Loki used his magic to put some sort of cloaking around himself and y/n as they walked quietly towards the backdoors of the abandoned silo. The rival organization had set up a temporary location there for the exchange, and their current invisibility enabled them to walk comfortably.
Loki took a deep breath. It was unwise to have a conversation, nevertheless an intimate one during a stealth mission, but he had to talk to her. Let her know that he was sorry.
“y/n, I have to talk to you about earlier,” he began, looking for a reaction in her.
He waited for a moment. Several moments.
“y/n.” he tried again.
Nothing. Not even a flicker of emotion in her.
“I’m sor- “
“Don’t. Don’t for one second, think you can talk to me. Not after what you did.” She sneered at him, fresh fury blazing in her eyes like Greek fire. Loki flinched at her sudden reaction. He never flinched. “You do not get to talk to me after I bared myself open to you like I did, only to have you scoff at me, and deem me worthless.”
y/n was now angry with herself. It enraged her how Loki was able to elicit such a response from her with 3 mere sentences. She had to stay more collected. Ignorance, she decided. The best choice of weapons.
Loki decided to attempt again later. He could not give up on his love. He could still hear Thor telling him about how he could fix it. Loki used his seidr to pick the lock on the back door. So far, they couldn’t see anyone. No snipers, no guards, nothing. He ignored the chills that ran up his back.
y/n had her gun at the ready. It didn’t matter if they were invisible, there could be heat sensors. She wasn’t going to let the little kerfuffle from a few minutes ago faze her. Her skin rose in goosebumps as she sensed the eerie silence. Something was wrong.
On Natasha’s command, they moved in, both walking on guard in perfect formation. y/n in front of Loki, with her gun out, while Loki stayed behind her with his daggers in his hands. They walked around each other in perfect sync as they scanned their surroundings. They moved past the pitch-dark corridors as y/n tried to look for signs of an ambush. So far, they had to have encountered at least a few guards. The plan was to silently take them out as they continued to look for the kidnapped agents. y/n looked back at Loki and turned away before he could make eye contact with her. His heart pumped steadily, his blood filling with adrenaline in response to the suspicious silence. They approached another door, and based on the floor plans, they had to go through the room ahead. The only problem was that it was a very big, and possibly empty one. Some sort of a torture chamber, y/n figured, from the lack of furniture and other basic things. She cracked the door open. A single chair. That’s all she found in the center of the room. Was that blood? y/n’s muscles froze as she noticed the table with numerous surgical tools- no, torture devices. A little knife-like object laid in a steel tray, covered in blood. And fingers. So many fingers. y/n gasped at the image in front of her. The junior agents had been tortured in the very room they were in. She looked around for active cameras. 4 in each corner of the room. She was thankful for the invisibility curtain Loki’s magic was able to provide. Suddenly, Loki was tapping at her shoulder, trying to get her attention. He frantically pointed at a bundle in the corner of the room. White sheets. Drenched in blood. She moved towards it slowly. Please don’t be what I think it is. Please.
Uncovering the flimsy cotton, her eyes widened. “The Agents.” She breathed, meeting Loki’s eyes. He looked as mortified as she did. All four of them were dead. Tortured, left to bleed out slowly. It’s a trap. y/n realized, her blood curdling up. Only then did she notice the tripwire around the sheets. We’ve been tricked.
“y/n!” came Nat’s voice in her earpiece. “y/n- it’s a t-t-trap! Crack. G-get out of t-there! N-n-now Crack. R-r-rendezvous at-t b-back- Crack.” not even the static in Nat’s transmission could have left them confused about what they had gotten into.
In a blink, there were lights, everywhere. Red lights, lasers, sirens, noise resonating all over. They had been spotted.
“Well, well, well. Look who we have here,” Came a deep, cold voice from behind them. A man in a white coat, followed by a woman who seemed like an assistant- who was followed by at least a dozen men who looked like SWAT agents, except they had much more brandished weapons. The 2 doors in the room shut with a bang, leaving Loki and y/n trapped; with 4 dead agents, and the many people who probably wanted them dead- but not before having their fun.
“Agent y/n, and Loki, the God of Mischief.” He sneered at them.
y/n pointed her gun at him while Loki drew out his daggers and flipped them. That would have had y/n swooning on a good day, but not today.
“The one and only,” Loki stated. “Now let us through, or it will be the end of our short-timed pleasantries.” he sneered, adrenaline flooding in his veins, causing his green irises to turn almost completely black.
“Now, now. There’s no reason to be so hostile,” the man said, his mouth twisting into some crooked sort of smile. “After all, I am sure you do not have the capability to fight past all of my soldiers.”
He was right. Loki’s seidr could probably take out a few, and y/n’s ammunition a few more, but not before they were electrocuted or whatever those hi-tech weapons were capable of. She needed to contact backup. And fast.
“Let us out, unworthy scum. We’ve given you the intel anyway.”
“Behave, Agent y/n. Do you really think I’m stupid enough to fall for a corrupted drive?”
Loki wanted to smash his teeth in. How dare he talk to his beloved like that?
“And you are?” y/n asked the man, changing the subject and trying to stall him. The drive plan had failed, which meant that Natasha could be in trouble. Besides, they needed to come up with a new plan to get out without any more trouble. Not even 10 minutes in, and they were already cornered.
“Fred. I am also a doctor.” The grey-haired man said. y/n would have laughed if she wasn’t already upset and running on almost no sleep.
“.. your name is Fred?” she asked, silently trying to reach for her walkie.
“Yes. Is that a problem?”
“No, but I was expecting something more ... traditional. Something that would suit that malice in your eyes a little better,” She stalled. “Something more Russian. You look very Russian.”
All Loki could do was stare at y/n with a prideful smile when he realized what she was trying to do. His little lioness, so daring and clever.
Grinning like a madman, Fred turned to his assistant. “I like this one. Although, what’s all this about being Russian? I just don’t get it.”
y/n would have responded if not for the dart in her neck.
“Hey!” she felt the poison running through her veins in no time. Her sight faltered, her own voice sounding distorted.
“No!” Rang Loki’s panicked voice. His heart fought against his ribcage. What had he done? If only he hadn’t gestured at the bundle, if only he told y/n it was better to leave the moment they spotted it. They knew the junior agents were dead the moment they saw it, what was the need for him to have y/n uncover the sheets?
“Don’t worry, Mr. Laufeyson. It is only a sedative. Your girlfriend will be fine.” The doctor chortled.
It was now y/n’s turn to freak out. “How did ... how did you…” she mumbled; her eyes widening at the colors that brimmed in her vision. Her heart calmed to a surprising rate, a sloppy smile on her lips as she sank onto the floor.
“Please, Agent y/n. Like I said, I’m not stupid. Did you really think I wouldn’t notice the way you look at each other?”
Thor’s voice rang in Loki’s ear. ‘It wouldn’t take a fool to see how you feel about y/n, Loki.’ He would have smiled if it weren’t for their current state.
“Mmm,” y/n hummed. Understandable, she wanted to say. “Un- un- under the sea.” She managed, with a goofy smile and a giggle bubbling from her chest.
Chuckling at y/n, the doctor said, “I’ll see you soon, Mr. Laufeyson.”
That was all Loki heard before everything went black.
//
He gasped loudly as he woke up. Where was he? He scanned his surroundings and realized he was in a lab-like settlement. No doors, just 2 bullet-proof glass windows behind which a number of doctors and agents stood. Along with Fred. His heart sped up as he took in y/n. Strapped onto a bed with numerous wires attached to her head. She was still unconscious from the sedative. He pulled at his arms only to notice he was shacked to the walls.
“Nice of you to finally join us, Mr. Laufeyson!” Loki heard a cheery voice through the speakers. “Shall we begin?” Fred asked, pausing for a few moments as Loki realized he was waiting for a response.
“What are you doing?” he asked, his mind numb. How was he going to get out? Where was Agent Romanoff?
“Ah, so glad you asked. This nice lady here,” he gestured, “is Doctor May. She specializes in hypnotism.”
What did they need a hypnotist for? If they were planning to hypnotize Loki, they were in for a disappointment because that really wouldn’t work on him.
Looking at Loki’s expression, the doctor smiled. “Don’t worry, it's not for you! It's for our dear y/n here! Doctor May here has so skillfully come up with a serum that we can test on y/n. We’re going to turn her against you, watch an epic battle- to the death; and if she survives, hooray! We’ll have her rejuvenate and train before using her to infiltrate SHIELD!” he cooed. His tone did not go with the threats he was spewing. "Oh, I also forgot to mention, we're giving her superstrength, just for the sake of it. see what happens."
Loki’s blood turned to ice. “What if she doesn’t survive?” he asked, unsure if he wanted to hear the answer.
“Oh well, if she doesn’t, we’ll harvest your powers and whatnot! But not to mention we will be very disappointed in her.” The doctor said, frowning playfully.
Loki’s chest seemed to cramp up onto itself. He tried to pick the locks on his cuffs with his seidr.
“Did you really think we’d let you have seidr while in captivity? Gosh, SHIELD. Keep thinking I’m stupid. See what that does for you.” Fred mumbled, rolling his eyes dramatically.
“No! No. Fred. You do not want to do this,” His silver tongue was the only thing he could rely on now. He couldn’t let them hurt his y/n. Ignoring the sweat running down the side of his head, he donned a sweet smile and crooned, “let her go. I am far more powerful than she is. If you release her, I promise to submit to you, causing you no difficulty. My seidr and my other strengths. All yours. I will give you any intel you need.” He promised, his nerves slightly betraying him. That’s it. Take the offer, Fred. Let y/n go. It’s my fault she’s here anyway.
“Hmm, let me think,” Fred said, placing his index on his chin. Uh oh. “How about no?” he snapped, quickly letting that carefree smile adorn his face again. Loki’s smile faltered. “Unfortunately, your proclamation isn’t as fun as my idea, Mr. Laufeyson.” No seidr, no backup. He was going to have to fight the one he loved.
“May, commence operation Omega!” Fred yelled, bouncing on his toes. “I’m so excited!” he yelled, his arms flailing around. Loki couldn’t help but notice how the man’s appearance did not suit his personality even by a percent. Creepy.
He watched as y/n’s body started shaking. She was seizing. His stomach dropped as the horror registered in his mind. The wires suddenly detached from her head with a sickening pop as she opened her eyes. Her e/c irises now glowed bright blue. Like electricity in her fibers. Loki’s chest clenched at y/n’s foreign expression. How long had it been since they got in? Surely Agent Hill must have realized something was wrong by now?
He flinched as the shackles around his hands clicked open. He was incapable of fighting y/n, let alone killing her. He couldn’t stand the idea of landing his fist on her.
“Ah, hello? Subject 7? Can you hear me?” Fred’s annoying voice crooned.
“Yes,” y/n said, her face devoid of any expression. Almost as if she was a robot. Loki’s skin rose up in goosebumps as he heard her cold emotionless voice. This was not his y/n.
“Good,” the doctor beamed. “Destroy.” That’s it. One simple command for y/n to turn to Loki and snarl at him.
“y/n,” Loki whispered. No, no, no. He felt tears prickling in his eyes. He’d rather die a thousand deaths than lay a hand on her.
“You’re pretty. But I’m going to kill you.” y/n smiled, her mouth letting out a little giggle. That wasn’t her giggle. It was cold, malevolent.
“Doctor May, what was that? It was cute, but I don’t remember asking for that?” Fred asked, frowning at the lady. Stuttering, she said, “I-I believe the serum hasn’t taken complete effect, sir. Part of Subject 7’s personality i-is still accessible to her.”
“Aw,” Fred groaned. “Do I have to kill you, Doc?” he asked the lady, whose eyes were now wide as saucers.
“N-no, sir. I assure you it won’t be a p-problem. I will have it fixed b-before administering the next dose.”
“Okay!” Fred smiled again.
Loki overheard their little conversation. Could he still reach for his y/n, which was buried underneath the cold exterior, courtesy of the serum?
“y/n,” he said, swallowing the lump in his throat. She didn’t respond, but simply charged at him with a growl.
Loki dodged her, putting a safe distance between the two of them before trying again as his mind screeched at him. All your fault! Why did you let y/n uncover the sheets? You knew it was dangerous, you knew they were dead!
“y/n, it's me,” Loki said softly, trying to get her to look at him. He took a step towards her when he saw that she wasn’t going to lunge at him.
“y/n … I know you’re in there.”
Loki thought he saw a flicker in her eyes.
“Doc! What’s going on?” Fred exclaimed; his face glued to the glass.
Loki decided to get closer. “My love,” the words sounded foreign to his ears, no doubt, but it had never felt so right.
“Come back to me,” He whispered, reaching for her; tears obscuring his vision. “Please.”
y/n lunged at him; a perfect roundhouse directed towards his face. But Loki’s reflexes had always been faster. She circled him, like a predator assessing its prey.
Fred banged at the glass. “Subject 7! We do not have all day!” He yelled, and now y/n was rushing towards Loki. She swung her fist at his jaw as Loki dodged her, only to receive another punch on his throat. Coughing and sputtering, he glanced at y/n, his eyes speaking words he never had a chance to say. Rubbing his neck, he said in the gentlest voice he could muster, “Please, my love. You do not have to do this,” he paused, gauging y/n’s reaction. He noticed how her movements faltered every time he spoke in that gentle voice. “It’s okay, y/n,” he whispered, his eyes holding hers as he reached to cup her face. Everything slowed down when clarity sank into Loki, chilling his bones like ice on a hot plate. He now knew what he had to do.
“It’s me, look at me, my love,” he breathed, his eyes searching hers. Flicker. His y/n was fighting underneath the shadow that had taken over her body.
“I love you,” He whispered to her. 3 words, just 3 words to let her know how sorry he was. To let her know he never meant any of it. to let her know, that it was all his fault.
“I love you, my darling, I always have; I’m so sorry this ever- “ Loki’s voice muffles down as the next event unfolds.
She’s suddenly kissing him, she’s kissing him like she’s never kissed before- raw and hungry- and for one moment, for one moment y/n's emerged from the shadow of the serum- to tell him, tell him that it was okay. That she understood. One kiss to let him know that she’s forgiven him, one kiss to let him know that she loved him too. Loki’s eyes widened as her warm lips held onto his like her life depended on it- except this time, it did- and he was kissing her back before he knew it. he wrapped his arm around her, his other arm knotting in her hair to support the force of the kiss- and he’s crying, he's crying as her fingers tangle in his hair, he’s crying like he’s never cried before- the tight wraps around his past wounds ripping open, he’s crying like he’s never going to experience this feeling ebbing from the depths of his heart ever again--
And he’s suddenly on the floor with y/n’s hands around his throat, her eyes electric blue again, a menacing smile playing on her lips.
“Yes! Yes!” Came Fred’s voice. “Finish him, Subject 7!”
y/n stared at Loki, her hands lowly tightening around his throat. He could only stare back at her, his tears running silently as he placed his hands around y/n’s wrists.
“Do it, y/n. Do it. I did not deserve you anyway,” he said as he choked on a sob, “but I just want you to know- I have always, always loved you; and I wish last night never happened. I wish for you to never, ever experience the pain you felt last night, I wish for you to be treated like the queen you are- “ he paused, meeting her eyes, a thousand emotions swimming in his mind; making it impossible for him to speak the numerous confessions he was attempting to make.
“I love you, y/n, and I regret not believing you when you said you did too.” He choked out before shutting his eyes and accepting his fate. He embraced death like an old friend, waiting for it to swoop in and steal his soul. He waited for that cold feeling of release, of being free. He would die for her instead.
“I love you too. I never stopped,” He heard a sweet voice whisper. He opened his eyes to y/n’s e/c ones. She had fought the serum. Her lips quivered as tears brimmed in her eyes, freely falling down her cheeks, as Loki’s hands reached for her cheeks. “I love you,” she said, and everything blows apart as the building explodes.
// a week later//
y/n opened her eyes to 2 smiling faces, groaning at the throb in her head. She noticed the other Avengers next to her, all smiling, grateful that she was okay. She was in a hospital bed.
“Welcome back!” Natasha and Steve yelled, causing y/n to shut her ears.
“Guys! Stop yelling!” y/n manages to say before furrowing her eyebrows and shutting her eyes.
“How long was I out?” she asked, her eyes still shut.
“a week,” Sam replied from her left.
“Whoa.” She whispered, trying to recollect the events that had unfolded.
She froze as the images came rushing back to her. She tried to kill Loki. Then she kissed him. ‘I love you,’ he had said, and the building had exploded on their fragile reconciliation.
“Loki!” she gasped, sitting back up, her eyes flailing around to look for him. Was he dead? Please don’t let him be dead.
“y/n! Calm down! You have 3 cracked ribs, not to mention the messed-up head, thanks to serum Omega. We need to make sure it still isn’t in your bloodstream,” Nat says, holding her down.
“Is Loki okay?” she asks Natasha, her heart in her throat.
“I'll bring him to you,” the red-haired agent smiles at her, before turning to the door. “Stay put,” she calls behind her.
“What happened to Fred?”
“Who?” Steve asked quizzically.
“That weird doctor.”
“Oh, probably died from the explosion. Our people are there as we speak, y/n, we’ll find out soon. Feel better, we’ll tell you the rest later.” he said with a warm smile.
How did they manage to get out? Sure, she was knocked out after the explosion, but she did witness the intensity. It would have been impossible to extract them from underneath the rubble- unless--
“y/n?” Loki’s tentative voice came from behind the infirmary’s door a few moments later. She looked at him, searching for any injuries he might have sustained. Loki ran up to her, grabbing her face, “You’re okay.” He said, kissing her gently. He snickered as y/n’s hand crawled up into his hair, pressing his lips into hers harder.
“So are you,” she smiled, looking at him with a look of pure adoration.
“What happened?” she asked Natasha, her fingers looping into Loki’s as he sat next to her.
“I escaped, noticed that you both hadn’t made it to the rendezvous point only to encounter more agents, fought my way out, called for backup, and the rest is history. The question is, what happened to you? We got only Loki’s version. Gotta hear yours,” she says, all in one breath.
“Perhaps give us a while before that?” Loki asks her, Natasha gasping slightly at the little smile on his face.
“Careful Loki, smile any wider and people might think y/n’s making you go soft,” she joked and turned around to leave, gesturing at the team to follow.
“Hey you,” y/n whispered, her index tracing Loki’s jaw. He leaned down to envelop her in yet another kiss, this one sweeter than the best Asgardian mead, filled with promises of tomorrow. He smiled into the kiss when her fingers knotted in his hair.
“I love you," Loki whispered, thanking whoever that he could say it to her again.
"Forever?” y/n asked, her voice still hazy from the kiss.
“Always.”
#hope you had fun!#and also that u cried!#:D#loki laufeyson#loki fandom#loki fanfiction#loki fanfic#loki series#loki fluff#loki odinson#loki x reader#loki x y/n#loki x you#loki 2021#loki 2012#avengers#mcu#mcu loki#mcu avengers#mcu fanfiction#mcu fic#marvel mcu#marvel loki#loki friggason#loki fan fiction#loki angst#marvel fanfiction#loki x f!reader#loki x ofc
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The Widow and the Wolf - Chapter 3
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x dark!exWidow!reader
Summary: After Natasha Romanoff took down the Red Room, the former Widows scattered to the wind. Raised to be a killing machine and released into the world with nothing and no one, you decided to use your newfound autonomy to take down the bad guys of your choosing. But now Natasha is riddled with guilt for leaving you on your own. She wants to recruit you, rehabilitate you, make you part of a team again. But the rest of the squad has reservations, and no one is more against you than Bucky Barnes.
Warnings: Graphic violence; Mentions of domestic violence, rape, pedophilia, human trafficking, child sex trafficking; eventual Dubcon (not Bucky); eventual smut; slow(ish) burn enemies-to-lovers. [More warnings will be added as necessary but these are the Big Bads.] 18+ only, no minors.
If you prefer to read on AO3, you can do so here.
Chapter Three
If you had a home, it would be Bucharest, even though you despise the place. It was the first place you went when you got free, because you know he’s here somewhere, conducting his evil machinations from the shadows, shielded by layer after layer of vile men across the globe doing his dirty work. There are plenty of men out there deserving of your particular brand of justice, but no one more so than the Viper. Sometimes you think that, if you can just find him and take him out, you might be able to move on—try to make a normal life for yourself, whatever that looks like. You don’t allow yourself to think about what will happen if you finally achieve your life’s goal and it’s still not enough for you.
You remember everything about the day you learned of the Viper’s existence. You were just 7 years old, one of many little girls packed into a shipping container. You had no idea how long you’d been in there or how long you would be in there. It smelled rancid, and there was never a moment of quiet. Most of the girls were screaming or crying, but a few (like you) were silent, just observing. You don’t know who sold you from your orphanage and shipped you off to Dreykov and you never will. What you do know is that you had no family to miss and no one to miss you, so you didn’t understand what the others were so upset about. From the very beginning, you adjusted to life as a Widow almost effortlessly, which is its own form of tragedy.
Others, though, they were stolen away from people who loved them. This seemed a foreign concept to you when you heard about it from the tiny, sobbing girl huddled next to you in the shipping container—the girl who told you about the Viper, the girl who would become your first and only friend until Dreykov took control of all of your minds. Once you were given the serum, your memories were locked up inside your own heads—none of you could have talked about your past lives even if you’d wanted to. Your words were not your own. You didn’t know what was real and what was planted there. Sometimes you still don’t, and nothing terrifies you more than that.
You have no idea how many little girls the Viper funneled to Dreykov over the years, but it was probably a decent amount. His real bread and butter had always been sex trafficking, and he’s still doing it—on an even larger scale if your intel is correct (which, of course, it is). But he won’t be operating for much longer, not now that you’re so close you can almost taste the venom. You were barely 8 years old when you decided you would kill him, and now you have your chance. You are so close, closer than you’ve ever been, but he keeps slithering out of your grasp. And so you’re in Bucharest, again, looking for answers, again. But you have other business, too—almost as important, if not more so.
You head to the safehouse on the outskirts of the city. The building doesn’t look like much on the outside, but you’ve made sure the inside is comfortable enough for the women and children who live there. The matron greets you at the door and you hand her this month’s envelope, which contains enough cash to feed everyone for the next two months, keep the lights and the water on, and some extra to fix the plumbing issues that have been plaguing the building since you bought it.
The building can house about 40 people comfortably—it’s not nearly enough, and you’re determined to create as many safe spaces as you can, but it’ll do for now. For now, you have to select your charges according to a very strict criteria: they are all women and children (and the children of women) who have been bought and sold by the Viper. Some of them escaped on their own; some of them had assistance from you and the very few people you trust in the city. But all of them have suffered, and all of them have information that you need. Individually, it’s not much, but the more women you talk to, the more pieces of the puzzle you have to work with.
Besides for the cash drop, today you’re here to see the newest resident: Irina, a 19-year-old beauty your Bucharest contacts had managed to snatch from one of the sex clubs. Irina was delivered to the Viper at 12, and her life since then has been an endless nightmare that you can’t think about for too long without feeling physically ill. She’s sitting by the window in the living room, cupping a steaming mug of tea, when you approach her. You walk towards her slowly, and when Irina looks over at you, there is recognition in her eyes even though you’ve never met.
“You’re the Widow,” she says.
“Not anymore,” you reply. “But if that’s what you’d like to call me, go ahead. May I sit?” She gestures to the seat opposite her and you settle in for a chat. “I’d like to ask you some questions, Irina. Is that ok?”
“The others told me you’d be coming.” She speaks softly, her voice hoarse from screaming or crying or both. “I know what you’re trying to do. You’ll never catch him, you know.”
“I disagree,” you say, “but I need more information.”
“Alright,” she agrees, “if you think it will help,” and you begin the gentlest of interrogations.
Irina tells you that for the first several years after she was taken, she hadn’t heard anyone mention the Viper. She thinks that a lot of the girls probably knew about him or came directly from him, but no one would talk about it because it was too dangerous or traumatizing (or both). Things were different at her last club, though. When you ask her how many of the girls at Delirium knew about him, she tells you that several of them had passed through him somewhere along their journey. One of them—one far too young to be working there—even admitted that she’d been with him only two months earlier.
Finally, after all this time, you’ve got a clear line from point A to point B. You feel it in your bones that Delirium holds the answers, that if you can just get in and poke around a bit, you’ll be able to find him. You take Irina’s hands in yours and thank her for her help, and then you hear it: heavy footsteps coming down the hall. No woman or child in the building weighs enough to make a sound like that, and no men are allowed on the premises. You know who it is before you see him.
*****
Bucky watches you enter the building from his position on the roof across the street. His contact had told him that there were whispers of a Widow safehouse at this address, though no one would dare set foot within 10 blocks of the place to find out. Bucky doesn’t believe the rumor, though. He knows you work alone, that you pride yourself on it. He assumes this is just one of many places where your targets meet their ends, and he knows enough about Bucharest to know that there are a lot of men in this city who fit your modus operandi.
Still, something is off. It’s not an empty building. There have been women and children coming and going all morning, and nearly all the apartments seem occupied. Why would you choose to do your dirty work in a place with so much activity, with so many innocents around? That seems not only impractical but beneath even you. He’s lost in these thoughts, checking each window with his binoculars, when he settles on a beautiful young girl staring out the window, looking desperately sad. She turns to look at someone he can’t see, and then he sees you emerge from the shadows and take a seat opposite her.
There’s a softness to your face—a gentle kindness—that knocks the wind out of him. Bucky can’t take his eyes off of you, analyzing your body language and facial expressions to try to figure out what the hell is going on. This is the last thing he expected to see, and he tells himself that this woman must be hiring you for a job—except the woman is nothing but a broken child and doesn’t look like someone who would be taking out a hit on somebody (and certainly not someone who could pay for one).
It’s unnerving, watching you this way, and Bucky is no longer sure that what he’s doing is right. There’s something about your interaction with this girl that makes him feel like a voyeur, witnessing an intimate moment that he should not be seeing but that fascinates him nonetheless. Still, he’s here, you’re his mission—albeit one he took upon himself—and he needs to finish it. By this time, Natasha and Steve are almost certainly on their way, and Bucky needs to get to you before they show up. He went rogue and committed to this plan; now he just has to execute it. He’ll deal with the consequences later.
Bucky makes his way across the street and around the back, where children’s toys litter the small yard of weeds and dirt. When he gets to the back door, he notices that it isn’t the usual ancient rusted lock that one finds on the old buildings in this neighborhood; it’s brand new tech. There’s a pretty decent security camera setup around the building, too.
What the hell is this place?
Bucky has two choices: he can rip the door off the hinges, or he can scale the building and climb in the open window on the top floor. You’re going to be homicidally pissed either way, so he might as well not destroy any property—you may be a monster, but the other tenants here look like civilians, and he doesn’t want to sacrifice their security in his quest to bring you in.
Bucky makes it into the building and weaves his way through the hallways. Along the way, he runs into a few women, and each one of them freezes when they see him. They are shocked and deathly afraid—a look he knows far too well—and they scurry back to their apartments and lock the doors. With his hair cut short, baseball cap pulled down, and leather jacket and glove hiding his prosthetic, it doesn’t seem possible that all of these women would immediately recognize him as the Winter Soldier. That’s what it feels like to him, though, and it’s a gut-punch sensation he does not like at all.
When he gets to the sitting room, the girl you are with has the same look of terror, and for a moment, so do you. But you snap back to yourself quickly—having gone from soft to terrified to hostile within a span of about 15 seconds. Before he can react, you stomp towards him, grab him by the jacket, and hiss, “Not here.”
Bucky hears you speak to the girl in Romanian, “Don’t be afraid, Irina. He’s a friend,” although he knows you think him anything but.
The second you get him into the hallway, you’ve got your knife to his throat. Even with your cold blade nicking his skin, Bucky fights the impulse to disarm you. He doesn’t want to fight you. He knows that he’s intruded on something here, though he doesn’t know what, and he actually feels guilty. He could break you in half if he wanted to, but he lets you pin him to the wall—lets you feel like you’re in control.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” you growl.
“You know why I’m here,” Bucky replies, but he doesn’t know—not really, not anymore. “What is this place?”
“It’s somewhere safe,” you say, “or it was until you showed up. No boys allowed, Soldat. Time to go.”
You catch him off guard when you flip him around and throw him through the nearest door, and before he can regain his balance, you kick him straight through the window and into the yard two storeys below. The fall is nothing to Bucky, and he knows that you know that, but it certainly made a statement. He looks up at the broken window he’d just crashed through and sees you peering out with a satisfied smile on your face.
Bucky calls up to you, “I just want to talk.”
“Bullshit,” you snap.
“I mean it,” he says, and he actually does. “You can pick the place.”
He watches as you consider his offer, weighing your options—you obviously don’t trust him, but it’s clear that the sanctity of this location is important to you. Now that he’s violated it, you can’t just let him wander off. You agree to meet with him that evening—in public, at a club in Old Town.
“Come alone, Soldat,” you call down to him, “and if you tell anyone about this place, I’ll throw you out a higher window.”
Bucky tries to hide his tiny smile but he knows you see it, just like he sees the little quirk of your lip just before you disappear. He hoists himself off the ground and brushes himself off. When he turns to leave, he sees a little girl holding hands with her mother. He has no idea how long they’ve been standing there, but the girl is pointing and giggling at him.
The little girl asks, “What happened to him, mama?”
“The Widow’s bite,” she replies.
*****
“He’s not going to hurt her, Natasha,” Steve says as he prepares the Quinjet for landing.
“She might not give him a choice,” she replies, strapping herself in. “What the hell was he thinking coming here alone?”
“I don’t know,” Steve says. “There’s something about this girl that’s really gotten under his skin.”
Natasha looks at Steve, asking the question with her eyes she wouldn’t dare say aloud, and he picks up what she’s putting out.
“He’s not the Winter Soldier anymore. All of that programming… it’s gone. You know that. He’s just Bucky now.”
Natasha nods in agreement, but a part of her still has questions—not whether the deprogramming worked, she knows that it did, and she trusts Bucky with her life. No, Natasha’s concern is what is going on inside Bucky’s head. He was doing well, he was adjusting, he was finally ok, but the existence of you seems to have triggered something in him that the words never had. The words made him cold and empty and ready to comply, but you—you make him think, and Natasha knows how dangerous it can be to dwell too much on things you’ve left in the past.
When Steve and Natasha arrive at Bucky’s old apartment, it’s empty, but there are small signs of life—the indent of a head on the pillow on the floor in the corner, an apple core just starting to brown. He’s been there, and recently. Natasha and Steve don’t know who he would still have contact with in Bucharest, so they are left with nothing to go on. Bucky knows how to cover his tracks, and he left them just enough crumbs to get them to Bucharest but not enough that they could find him when they got there.
“He wants us to trust him,” Steve says, “to wait for him to bring her back here.”
“I can’t just sit around waiting for something to happen, Steve. I have a really bad feeling about this.”
“So what do you suggest we do?” Steve asks.
Natasha sighs and looks out the window. “I have no idea,” she replies, and that’s when she sees it: a piece of graffiti spraypainted on the wall of a building down the street—a coiled snake ready to strike.
The memory hits Natasha like a freight train. She knows that symbol. She knows what it means. She knows exactly who you’re looking for and it seems absurd to her now that she hadn’t thought of it before.
“Let me make a call,” she says. “I think I know why she’s here.”
#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes#sebastian stan#dark!reader#dark!fic#the widow and the wolf
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Haruhi Fujioka||SFW Alphabet
A/N: Making gender neutral Haruhi Fujioka content because she’s criminally underrated in fic
Word Count: 1996
A: Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)
Haruhi shows her affection by helping you and spending time with you. She’s actually quite affectionate. She’s pretty private with it, especially when the twins are around, but she likes to be held by you, preferring to scoot closer to you to lean her head on your shoulder.
B: Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)
As a best friend, Haruhi is really good at giving you logical/calm advice . Like she’s very blunt and to the point and it might hurt your feelings a little but she never does it out of ill will. Also Haruhi is the best for doing random hobbies or going to random places because she’s just like oh ok and she won’t make fun of you or anything. Overall a good best friend to vibe with that’s also hella responsible.
C: Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)
Haruhi isn’t really big on cuddling. She doesn’t mind it and she’ll cuddle if you want but she’s not one to initiate. The one exception is during storms, Haruhi won’t even say anything to you, she’ll just walk up to you and let you hold her while she’s shaking until she falls asleep.
D: Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)
Haruhi is literally the spokesperson of domesticity across the world. Ms. girl has a whole recipe book don’t even play. However, while cooking and cleaning were things she picked up out of necessity, she loves you all the more because you do this for her without her even needing to ask.
E: Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)
If Haruhi had to break up with you, she’s very solemn about it. It’s almost formulaic like she practiced it 1000x (spoiler alert: she did). She cherishes every moment you both spent together, but she feels it’s best if you remained friends.
F: Fiance(e) (How would they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)
Haruhi really doesn’t care either way about marriage. She’s not super traditional in the sense that marriage is a deal breaker, but if you do have a wedding, she’d like it to be simple, with your closest friends and family. Do be warned that Ranka will be slightly butt-hurt if you don’t get married, however the fight between her and Tamaki on who gets to walk Haruhi down the aisle is probably worth getting married.
G: Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)
Physically and emotionally, Haruhi is very gentle and attentive. Physically, she’s very gentle, mainly because she’s unsure of what you’re okay with and the both of you are just getting a feeling for what you want. However, later on in your relationship, she’s still gentle but she gives her affection a lot more openly in a way that’s still secretive, like placing a kiss on your cheek and walking away like nothing happened. Emotionally, Haruhi is very attentive to the emotions of those around her, even if that person is very private or generally good at hiding their emotions.
H: Hugs( Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?
Haruhi is fine with hugs, she doesn’t really initiate them but she’ll just stand there and let you hug her if you need to. The only time she doesn’t like hugs is when they lead to her being the center of attention and getting hugs from behind. Please don’t hug her from behind, it reminds her of when she got thrown in the ocean during the beach episode and she’s also afraid you might pick her up.
I: I love you (How fast do they say the L-word)
It takes Haruhi quite some time to confess her love to you because admittedly she’s a little dense when it comes to her own feelings. Once she realizes it, it’s all a matter of the perfect time.
J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous)
Haruhi’s jealousy is kinda deadpan. Like when she gets jealous, her face just goes blank and she just looks like ‘-_-’ the whole time. She’s silent and won’t make a fuss about it, even if the two of you are alone, but the whole time, she’s making that face until the person she’s jealous of goes away.
K: Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)
Haruhi’s kisses are polite in a way. She kisses like she’s grateful for the opportunity, she does get a little needy when pulling away. She’s always going on and on about how she could kiss you forever.
L: Little ones (How are they around children)
Around kids, Haruhi is honestly like the best. She’s very practical,, responsible, and pretty good at tuning out things that annoy her (read, the entire Ouran Highschool Host Club minus Mori) so she makes for a good babysitter and an even better parent. She’s also very attentive when it comes to kids, she doesn’t quite have the intuition for it but she has a determination and a willingness to learn.
M: Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)
Mornings with Haruhi are very sweet. Haruhi and you will get up and make a meal together, even if it’s something simple like toast, Haruhi loves spending time with you, and what better way to do it than a slow morning.
N: Night (How are nights spent with them?)
Nights with Haruhi are nice, they’re sweet and slow. Haruhi will brew you both a thing of peppermint or chamomile tea and then you’ll be out like a light before you even know it. That’s when the real battle starts. Haruhi can and will snatch the covers from you and she’s surprisingly strong for someone unconscious. Good luck on recovering that blanket friend.
O: Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)
Haruhi is pretty open already. She is a natural after all, any vulnerabilities she has have been shared and any concerns have been brought up to you as her s/o
P: Patience (How easily angered are they?)
Haruhi’s patience is going to get a 76% rating. She does mind her business and make an effort not to be involved in certain things, but drama and mess always seem to just find her. Haruhi does not like messiness or any form of foolishness or buffoonery at all, she doesn’t care for it and is quick to anger when she comes across it.
Q: Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)
Haruhi remembers things about you in order of like responsibility. So she’s like memorizing your allergies, your emergency contacts, clothes and shoe size, etc. like she’s almost like a parent in that regard. She does it almost unconsciously too like one day you’ll be out at some street fair and she’s like “oh no Y/N that’ll trigger your allergies” without even missing a beat like it’s almost terrifying sometimes.
R: Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)
Her favorite moment in your relationship is when you got tickets for you both to go to a butterfly garden and you proceeded to spend about 20 minutes hyping Haruhi up on her outfit before you even left for the sanctuary. Once you both got there, you took so many pictures of Haruhi surrounded by flowers and butterflies, and honestly she looked ethereal. But that day with you she smiled and laughed so much that her face was a little sore when she got home.
S: Security (How protective are they? How would they like to be protected?)
Please protect this girl, she’s so sweet. Haruhi protects you by just sort of checking on your needs. The way she needs/ deserves to be protected is the real focus. Of course the general looking out for each other, but if you protect Haruhi like emotionally and she’s yours for life. A a kid, despite her dad’s best efforts, Haruhi wasn’t exactly protected, she had to do a lot of fending for herself and her dad, and she doesn’t resent him for that, but it does affect the way she thinks. So if you can prove that you’re a constant source of support for her,,,
T: Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)
In terms of her gifts, and any anniversaries, Haruhi is extremely thoughtful. Even if she doesn’t have much money she still plans meticulously to make sure you have the best day. Her gifts tend to lean on the more practical side as opposed to the fanciful side but if she’s able to, she’ll still try to get you something like a charm bracelet. In terms of dates, Haruhi is still meticulous but most of your dates are you two doing some task but together. She tries very hard though to make time in her day for you even if you both only get to spend an hour or 2 together.
U: Ugly (What are some bad habits of theirs? (I’m gonna add arguments here because they aren’t on the prompt list I found))
A bad habit Haruhi has is that she tends to downplay serious issues. She tends to downplay her own issues but on occasion she does tend to downplay your feelings. Not intentionally of course, but you’ll be upset and she’ll just go “Y/N, that seems really small to be so upset about” in that deadpan tone. She does work on it though, but her tendency to downplay issues does cause arguments between you two.
V: Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)
Haruhi puts in enough effort to impress you. She’s not big on being ‘vain’ but she does like to look nice for you.
W: Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)
Not at all, in fact, one of Haruhi’s favorite parts of your relationship is that fact that you can both spend time apart and still want to come back home to each other. As much as she loves you, she still has other things in life that she wants outside of you. It fills her with the greatest sense of joy to know that you both have each other’s back and are there for each other after everything.
X: (E)xes (Any previous relationship experience. How does that factor into your current relationship?)
Haruhi canonically has 0 relationship experience and it’s completely her fault. She’s just very goal-oriented and a little oblivious romantically so she can’t really tell when someone likes her unless they tell her at which point she informs them that she’s got shit to do.
Y: Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner)
In general, it takes a lot for Haruhi to genuinely dislike someone as a person. She’s pretty level headed so it takes a lot for her emotions to override her ,mind like that. She tends to have character traits that are more of a no than people that she doesn’t like, a few things get her mad though, are inconsiderateness, thinking the world revolves around you, and of course, rich people.
Z: Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)
You got Haruhi a sleeping mask with her initials on them and she sleeps with it pretty much every night. Like she has a schedule, it’s part of her night time routine there’s no going back now, even if she’s going on vacation, she’ll triple-check to make sure she’s grabbed it.
#ohshc imagines#ohshc x reader#ohshc haruhi x reader#haruhi x reader#haruhi fujioka x reader#gn reader#x black reader#idontblushsrry
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I simply have to write down my thoughts for anything to have meaning, so here are my awtwb opinions in no particular order (spoilers ahead!!!):
- the break up absolutely needed to happen, and also frankly it was very tasty
- "you're crying from simon/baz?" "the 'we’re not made of pieces that come apart' got to me"
- the last ditch effort sentimentality on baz’s part and ill-conceived sacrifice on simon’s........ such a lovely lil piece of angst. hurt stokes honesty and vice versa
- why did they get back together literally the next day though. it was like watching someone tear down an old condemned building and then OVERNIGHT an identical building has been rebuilt in its place. the dust hadn’t even settled yet. can we sit in it for like a minute.
- it definitely IS in character for simon to look at the emotional mess he just made and be like wait. I hate this actually. I’m immediately going to fix it despite the fact that I haven’t thought it through and have no plan :)
- this sure is a horny book huh
- actually very tonally appropriate that simon sees intimacy as too much to possibly grapple with. sex is easy when it's prescribed, and he's not really invested in it, but when he wants things very very badly he knows he can never truly have them. he can only host power or love or acceptance for a while before it's taken away.
- (something something orphan something something instability/insatiability)
- he always used to have one clear path, and now he can’t tease apart all his options. he wants everything or nothing. no embarrassing in-betweens, no gentle half-touches, no one foot in and one foot out of the magickal world
- also he wants to be manhandled and told what to do and bitten and consumed. sub behaviour
- every minor character in this book rules. ent bartender, butch legend niamh, cake-maker ruth, tracksuit fox. demon bear lady please wife me.
- sapphics kissing over the birthing juices of a fresh goat? come ON
- I think it’s fitting that goatherder agatha found her own productive, unconventional niche just outside of the place where she felt so constricted and misunderstood. like she wandered out of her ivory tower and found all of these sprawling open pastures
- shepard is so supremely & unbelievably likeable. so delighted and delightful. a mover and a shaker and a monsterfucker. spin-off when
- penny & shepard were also such pleasing complementary colours, and I like that they were both highly self-assured (in contrast w baz/simon's insecurity) and highly impressed with one another
- there’s a lot of awkward pacing in this book, which does feel (possibly by accident) like a testament to the non-linear, unexpected way that people deal with trauma. like it’s realistic that emotional pitfalls and relationship turmoil will always clumsily insert themselves into your “narrative,” you know?
- the demon bride storyline felt like a (super fun) short story nested within the book rather than an important element of the overarching plot itself
- some of the interpersonal groundwork laid in wayward son definitely paid off, but there were also a lot of superfluous plot points, and not a lot of fall-out/consequences? no real stakes (pun intended)
- so much good relationship stuff though! the communication is bantery and productive and tender and sometimes uncomfortable. it all feels like growing pains
- it’s so clear that simon’s innate sense of self is completely hollow; he’s petrified of self-identifying (and thus committing to a label which might turn out to be false again), and he’s afraid of smothering people with how much he wants and relies on them so he ghosts them instead
- the way he self-sabotages just for the rush of fixing things afterwards…. baby let me study you
- he constantly kind of has to reassure himself that he’s normal and also that he’s a Normal (this is what regular people do. this is what healthy affection looks like. And also—I have to remember that I don’t have or deserve magic. I’m not the person I thought I was.)
- he was the chosen one, and it turned out to be fake. and now he’s another kind of chosen one—chosen by Baz, by his friends, and later by the Salisburys, but he doesn’t really trust the sensation of being important to people anymore. he thinks that everything good he has or will ever have has been stolen or coerced somehow, and too much feeling is always inevitably going to be followed by total devastation. doesn’t that make you insane
- the excalibur thing was such a neat little piece of world-building (ancestral magic swords? yes ma’am) although I definitely expected agatha to have a hand in that reveal
- wings y/n?????
- no real resolution for the magic immunity. okie dokie
- I wanted to linger with that mage paternity reveal a bit longer. the upgrade simon’s daddy issues just received…… astronomical
- I liked that penny and simon had a little bit of independence from one another actually, because simon had to think through his problems like a Normal, and penny had to fact check herself when no one was nodding benignly along with all of her ideas. growth!
- a society of chosen ones? cult-leader villain obsessed with empty symbolism? mages seduced not by the promise of power but of acceptance and healing? delicioso
- the climax of this book lasted about twelve seconds, but I enjoyed the continued chapel motif, and the fact that every villain ends up being a shade of simon snow
- the conclusion for daphne, prof. bunce, etc, wasn’t super fulfilling, I was half-expecting a reveal that they were all under some kind of thrall, but since they were just like.. insecure and ostracized by their community, I wanted a denouement where their respective spouses meet them where they’re at, and the world of mages pledges some kind of fundamental change in attitudes/policies towards differing magickal proficiency. maybe! idk!
- so much pop culture in this book. (the yeets…… the vibe checks…..) this one’s going to age like milk, ladies
- it’s cute though! I like a book that is a little parcel of the time that it was made, and I like how un-embarrassed it is of itself
- I love the way all three couples had a really clear, “oh this is what it’s supposed to feel like” moment—the transformative potential of being loved the way you want and deserve to be loved
- so many fab individual moments that I'll think about for the rest of my life, and overall so indulgent and fun to read, but a little messy and out of balance for the final book of a trilogy. the end ✌️
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Letting Go
Pairing: Broken!Reader x Stranger!Yunho
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt Comfort
Word Count: 12.1k
Summary: You've never felt more down. Despite having a loving family and studying at a good school you still aren't happy. You may have many objective luxuries, but you don't have anyone to talk to. The stress from all around you is getting to you and you finally break. You can't take this anymore. Deciding to finally take matters into your own hands and end this for good, you go to your favourite bridge one last time to say your goodbyes to the world. Until someone stops you that is...
Warnings/Disclaimer: In no way do I mean to romanticise mental illness. Through this oneshot, I want to show depression and other mental heath issues for what they are. I will not sugar coat anything and will show them for how exhausting and painful they are. Again, I am not writing this to romanticise mental illness, rather provide comfort and create a safe space to talk about mental health. Remember, it's never too late to get help, and I'm always here for you. It can be as small as personally messaging me how you're feeling today, I'm here to listen :) This oneshot will obviously be talking about suicide, depression, obsession and mental health in general. If these topics trigger you, this oneshot may not be for you.
Suicide
Depression
Swearing
Mentions of Sexual Abuse
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*I've spent a few weeks on this, I'm sorry if there are spelling errors, I've read the entire thing maybe 5-6 times.
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Facing the window in front of you, you sighed. You felt numb. It was raining and was around 6 pm. It was cloudy outside and the rain made the sky a few shades darker than normal. One of your windows was opened and you could smell the rain. The earth smell that made you feel all giddy inside. Excitement used to bubble inside you whenever you recognized the familiar scent of the wet earth, it indicated that it was going to rain. You loved the rain. It felt so comforting and the sound of the raindrops calmed you. At least that's how it used to feel. Now, you feel numb. Unaware of your surroundings and unfazed by a natural phenomenon that once caused you joy.
You sighed looking outside. It was frustrating. The rain that once comforted you was now frustrating. The constant pitter-patter noises bothered you and you were unable to get anything done. You slammed the window shut with all the force you could muster and plopped yourself back on your chair, redirecting your attention to what was on the desk. Ahh right, you had homework to finish. The bright screen of your laptop burned your eyes and caused them to feel sore but you couldn't care less.
You had 2 essays due tomorrow and although that didn't sound like a lot it was just the tip of the iceberg. Not only did you have 2 essays to start (and finish on the same day), you also had an oral presentation you had to give tomorrow for your music class. You didn't have your presentation ready and you were presenting to over 50 other people.
You had everything you could have possibly wanted. Your parents were not too rich but you were quite well off with a duplex in a multi-story apartment. Your dad had a stable career and was the country manager of a company giving him a good amount of power. Your mother was a social butterfly and had many connections. They sent you to a private school and let you study what you wanted. Although you didn't have any close friends in school, you had a few people you sat with.
See? You had everything you could have possibly wanted but you were still miserable. You knew this wasn't normal. For the past few months, you felt numb. There wasn't a better word to describe it. You felt apathetic and unfazed by everything. You were slowly starting to lose interest in the things you once found thrilling and fun and felt disconnected from reality. Your own parents felt like strangers and you felt like you couldn't talk to them. In actuality, your parents were loving and provided you with everything you could have possibly wanted. They took really good care of you and regularly showed affection. They were also quite understanding and were easy-going and fun. The fact that your parents are so caring makes you feel all the more guilty about telling them. You can't tell anyone.
You huffed, running your hands through your hair roughly. You gripped the roots of your hair and began to feel it again. The feeling of darkness creeping into your mind.
"what's the point of this?"
"I want this to stop"
"When will it get better?"
"Does it ever get better?"
In all honesty, you felt hopeless. You had to begin and finish 2 whole essays and prepare your presentation. Listening to music, eating anything, or even taking a break were useless, they would just distract you. You chewed the end of your pencil enough to make the end of it dent. Your teeth hurt but you continued doing so. At least the physical pain would distract you from this crazy workload. Or so you thought... You began to type on your laptop. You were writing your mid-term paper and were given the freedom to pick whatever topic you wanted as long as you felt like it expressed your emotions.
You typed the first thing that came to mind.
"I want to escape. I keep wanting for this to stop, I keep expecting everything to get better. It never does. It's an endless cycle of work and just more work. I feel like a robot and in all honesty, the lack of emotion is the only thing I'm feeling"
Your face had a stoic expression as your fingers fluttered across the keyboard. The gentle noise of keys clicking was the only thing heard for another hour or so. You didn't take any breaks and just wanted to get it done. At this point, you didn't care if it was good or even decent, you just wanted to get it done. That was very unlike you though. You were no topper, but you considered yourself quite hardworking and diligent. You were slowly falling behind though, but you couldn't care less. You just wanted to get it over with.
In the essay you wrote, you didn't get too personal, you simply wrote about your feelings and personified them. You spoke about your feelings as if they were an obstacle in your way. Despite being quite specific, you made it seem as though you were not talking about yourself. You fixed up the grammar and printed out your paper, stapling it, ready to submit it tomorrow. You looked outside and by now it was way darker. It was around 8:30 and it was time for dinner.
You went downstairs to get your plate of dinner and greeted your mom.
"Y/n, you're finally here, I almost forgot you were even living in this house" She chuckled and your dad joined in. You didn't laugh though.
"Hey, cheer up, your mom was just kidding, is everything alright?" Your dad chimed in.
In all honesty, you knew your mom didn't mean it, she was just kidding, but mocking you for the amount of workload you had didn't seem right. The question by your dad, however, completely caught you off guard. In your heart, you knew you weren't. You noticed how you started drifting off and spacing out while someone was talking to you. You noticed how you stopped feeling joy and noticed how you never had time for anything but school. Your face was glued to the ground and you nodded. You didn't want to lie, but you couldn't help it. You'd feel guilty for possibly making them feel like it was their fault.
Your parents both just sighed and your mom held your hand. She brought you to sit at the dining table and looked at you with nothing but love in her eyes.
"Y/n... We know something is bothering you. You know you can tell us anything right?" Your mom asked as she cupped your cheek. You looked back up at her and saw both of your parents looking at you worriedly.
You could feel the back of your eyelids stinging. Your throat got dry and you felt a burning in your nose. This was it. This was your chance to finally tell them how you felt. You wanted to tell them everything. From how you felt incompetent, to the constant stress and pressure. You wanted to finally break down your walls and tell them that you lacked the feelings you felt before. But you couldn't. The lump in your throat grew and you felt the corners of your eyes getting wetter. You couldn't get any words out. You badly wanted to just let it all out, but the words were stuck in your throat.
You also couldn't just break down all of a sudden or they would get really worried. You couldn't let them watch you break down. You would never forgive yourself if they ever thought the way you were feeling was because of them.
You simply sucked in a deep breath of air and looked away before they noticed anything was wrong.
"I just have a lot of work. I have more to do though, so if you could excuse me." You said, your voice wavering as you walked away from them.
"What about your dinner?" Your mom asked pointing at the counter. You just sighed and picked up a plate of food. Your hands trembled and your lip quivered from the overwhelming situation and you rushed to your room as fast as you could. As soon as you left, your mom just sighed and looked at your dad and her face showed immense concern. He brought her into his warm embrace reassured her. You would come to them when the time was right. You would eventually tell them what was bothering you. right? Although you didn't want them to feel guilty, they already did.
The second you reached your room upstairs you locked the door behind you. You tossed the food into the dustbin near your desk and put the plate aside. You felt guilty. Every day your mom would make you a full course meal only for you to throw it away without even having a bite. You couldn't help it though. You had a lot of work to do and eating was not your first priority. Besides, you already had lunch. This was not a rare occurrence. You would usually skip breakfast and dinner, directly eating lunch. Your stomach growled but you couldn't care less.
You rushed into the bathroom in your room and closed the door behind you. Your back slid down the door and your hands flew to your face. You almost blew your cover. It was quite an overwhelming situation. Your hands covered your mouth as the first sob wracked through your body. You were lucky that you were in the bathroom, in your room, on the second floor, it was practically impossible for anyone to hear you.
Your hands moved up to your hair as you gripped it tightly in between your fingers. Slowly, more cries came out. The bathroom echoed with your sobs and heavy breathing. You tried muffling your cries to no avail. You sobbed loudly while you shoved your palm against your mouth trying to stop yourself from crying but nothing worked. You tried digging your fingernails into your palm to distract yourself from all the emotional pain with physical pain but it still didn't work.
You tried breathing steadily only to break out into sobs a few seconds later. You let out gut-wrenching sobs that had been bottled up for too long now. Your throat was raw and your nose was red.
"Make it stop" You whispered to yourself. Were you being dramatic? Were you overreacting? You didn't know and you didn't care. Your sobs slowly died down but your hands were still clamped over your mouth trying to get them to stop completely.
After a few minutes, you went to wash your face. You noticed your eyes were red and your hair was not in a bun anymore but was now all over the place. You sighed and washed your face with cold water trying to remove any traces of that sudden breakdown. Besides, you just wasted around 20 minutes of your time, crying when you could have been working and finishing off your other essay.
You didn't care to change your clothes and sat back on your desk. You sighed and looked out the window again. The rain had died down and there was now just a cool breeze. A layer of mist had collected after the rain coating the trees and plants outside. Despite living in the city, your window faced a big green space. In the mornings there were usually only around 3 people at max, making it quite empty. At night it was even more serene and lonely.
You drew shapes on your windows while trying to think of a topic to write your essay about. Your second essay was supposed to be an analysis report about any experiment of your choice.
You chose to write about the expectancy-value theory.
The Expectancy Value Theory suggests that motivation for a given behavior or action is determined by two factors: (i) expectancy, ie, how probable it is that a wanted (instrumental) outcome is achieved through the behavior or action; (ii) value, ie, how much the individual values the desired outcome.
You scoffed as you read it. Lies. All you've been taught to do is the work you've been given in school. You didn't want to do it. You didn't find it interesting and you couldn't care less about failing if it was up to you. The only reason you were working was because school wanted you to. If you had the option, you would gladly stop. So no, the expectancy-value theory, in your mind was not correct, since for some people, ie. you, motivation didn't come from yourself, rather it came in the form of forced requirements from others. Others have high expectations and expect good quality work from you, but if you were given the choice, you would take care of yourself instead of focussing so much on your studies. The expectancy theory, in your mind, as false as the only thing influencing you to work was other people forcing you.
You decided that was the perfect thesis for your essay and began to write. Although the point of the essay was to discuss the findings of the experiment, you went in a different direction. You wrote your entire essay about disproving that stupid experiment. You didn't discuss the data results but instead countered them with your own data. After another hour or so of aggressive typing and writing shit about Martin Fishbein, you decided you were finally done and decided to finish off your essay. You were happy with the way it turned out, although it was certainly not what was asked of you.
You wrapped up your essay by simply restating your points and you printed that too. By this point, it was already 11 pm and although you weren't sleepy, you just wanted to get this over with and rest. Your final task for tomorrow was your music presentation. All you had to do was pick your favorite classical piece and write a bit about it.
Music was one of the only hobbies you liked. You took pride in composing and making music, however, your school had ruined it for you. The only things they made you do were to analyze pieces of music and discuss the elements of music and their implication. You never got to actually compose or make your own music so you started to dread it as a subject too.
You picked up the first piece that came to mind. Dvorak's 'Humoresque'. Wow, how original, you thought. You began to listen to the piece and understand it better. As a kid, this used to be your favorite piece. Now? It just feels bland. It doesn't feel the way it used to. You began scribbling a few quick points about the song before beginning your presentation.
After taking notes, you finally began working on your presentation. In total, it took around 4 hours to finish and it was exactly 4 am. You sighed and uploaded your presentation to a pen drive before packing up your bag for school.
You had to be up for school by 7 anyway, so you'd get 2-3 hours of sleep at max. You hopped into bed as soon as you were done, not caring about putting anything back or even changing your clothes.
Unfortunately, unlike you hoped, you weren't able to fall asleep as soon as your head crashed onto the pillow. Instead, your mind preoccupied with other things was way too clouded with stressful thoughts to let you relax enough to fall asleep.
You tossed and turned in bed as your stomach growled. You huffed and tried blocking out the feeling. You didn't regret skipping dinner, it was necessary to finish off your work. You sighed and closed your eyes, trying to sleep. You lied for at least 10 minutes simply doing nothing. You tossed and turned trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in, but nothing worked. Your mind was simply too preoccupied to let you rest. you closed your eyes trying to calm yourself, only for your thoughts to go back to yesterday evening. You remembered the short conversation with your parents and how they seemed genuinely concerned. Did they know what was happening to you? They were your parents, after all, they probably figured something was wrong.
Thinking about your relationship with them, you felt guilty. You realized how your conversations were never longer than 5-10 minutes and you were always the one to cut them short. You didn't spend as much time with them as you used to, instead of dedicating all your time to studying.
All of a sudden, you remembered how they used to take care of you when you were a child. You remembered the first time they taught you how to ride a bike, your first day of school, and your middle school graduation. You can't remember the last time you all were together as a family and enjoyed yourselves. You were usually too busy and you regretted it.
Unconsciously, you sniffled, your eyes getting watery again. You huffed, roughly wiping and rubbing your eyes, embarrassed that all it took for you to get emotional was a few memories. You sighed shakily, trying to get your thoughts away from that, or else you knew you'd have another breakdown. Still not being able to fall asleep for another 45 minutes, you gave up.
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You got up and checked your phone, only to see that the time was 6:30 am. How perfect. You didn't bother combing your hair and tied a messy bun, too tired and too unbothered to even attempt to look decent. You hopped into the bathroom, brushing your teeth and grabbing a towel. You looked back into the mirror as you did yesterday during your mini breakdown. You had dark circles under your eyes, your eyes were red and your nose was tinted pink. You couldn't care less though.
You hopped into the shower and turned the temperature to max coldness, trying to wake yourself up to make yourself look less tired and well... less dead. You shivered at the temperature but bared it for the sake of looking slightly presentable and more awake.
You grabbed your soap and began to lather some on your hands. A few seconds later though, you felt a mild stinging sensation on both of your palms. You quickly washed away the soap as it was starting to burn and inspected your hands. Your palms. They were bruised and cut slightly. You stared at your palms and the crescent-shaped cuts on both of your palms. There were exactly 4 crescent-shaped cuts on each palm with a bunch of bruising around it. You realized it was from digging your fingernails into your palms yesterday. You did so in an attempt to stop crying but it didn't work. Oh well, now you have this to worry about as well, could your life get any worse? You made sure to carefully lather on the soap being wary of the cuts on your palms.
After you took a bath and got ready, you made sure to double-check that you had packed both your essays and the presentation pen drive. After confirming, you grabbed your backpack and hurried downstairs. Although you felt guilty for randomly rushing out during dinner, you didn't want to confront your parents. The nerves from your upcoming presentation were creeping up onto you and you were beyond terrified. You didn't feel hungry and didn't want any confrontation.
You quickly hurried down the stairs and avoided your parents' eyes. At this point, it had become regular for you to leave the house without a word. Your mom wouldn't bother too much since she knew you'd usually buy yourself something to eat at school itself. Or so she thought. It was a lie you told her a long time ago. Despite this, due to your unfinished conversation yesterday you feared they would come after you or confront you so you avoided them at all costs and rushed outside. Lucky for you, your parents didn't mind too much and carried on with what they were doing.
Outside, you noticed how the mist from yesterday had settled and was now fogging up the roads slightly. The mist collected on the grass on the side of the sidewalks in the form of dewdrops and you could smell the same earthy smell. You checked your phone once to get a glimpse of the time and realized you were quite early. Despite this, you still couldn't calm your nerves.
You gripped both straps of your backpack, not lifting your head. You stared at the ground kicking small pebbles along your way. The entire walk to school was quite uneventful and not too interesting. You mainly stayed on the same side of the sidewalk and luckily nothing came in your way. It was a 5-7 minute walk to school since you lived quite close to school and didn't see the point in wasting gas.
Once you reached your school, you tried ignoring everyone in your way, just trying to submit your essays. You were quite nervous and just wanted to remove some burden from your shoulders so submitting your essays early in the morning would be the best option. You rushed into the school building immediately setting your target on your science class that was a few floors up.
Fortunately, the hallways and stairways were mostly empty with just a few teachers and staff and maybe 5-7 students. That was one of the perks of being this early, you could get things done freely without being rushed by the students. You decided to stop at the principles office first, and then drop off your science essay.
You had to drop off your mid-term essay outside the principles office where a few teachers were collecting them. You made your way to the outside of your principal's office to drop off your paper. While walking there, the pace of your heart quickened, although you were simply dropping off your essay, something about being this close to the principles office didn't sit right with you. As you got closer you could feel the tingly feeling in your stomach, caused by the nerves. You carefully walked right in front of the drop-off desk and greeted the teacher. You were asked to fill in your name and the date dropped off, so you were handed a pen.
You were mindful not to let the pen put pressure against the cuts in your palm, but couldn't help but wince softly as the pen brushed against them as you picked it up. The teacher simply looked at you and you forced a smile. As soon as you dropped off your essay, you rushed away from there as soon as possible to a less scary area.
You made your way to your science class and dropped off your essay about expectancy value and took your seat in class. You were quite proud of the essay you wrote since you felt like you portrayed your opinion quite well. You also had science first period anyways, so you took your usual seat near the window in the front of the class and started to unpack.
You waited for at least 10 to 15 minutes before your science teacher came into class. He wasn't surprised that you were early since you usually came quite early. When you noticed he entered class, you immediately averted eye contact and looked somewhere else. In all honesty, your science teacher scared you.
All the other girls gushed over how he was just 5 or 6 years older than you and was handsome. You didn't see what they saw in him as you knew he had ulterior motives. You noticed the blatant sexism in class and how he always paid more attention to the girls, explaining it to them in detail while just brushing off the guys. You noticed how whenever everyone left class, he would stare at the exposed legs of the female students caused by the knee-length skirt that was a part of the school uniform. You noticed how he would favor the girls in general, letting them have their way, even letting them use their phones in class from time to time.
Although he hadn't made any advances, he was still really sleazy in general, and the very thought of him creeped you out. You didn't have too many personal encounters with him, just a few weird looks here and there, so you tried to avoid him as much as you could. When he noticed that you were not paying attention to him he sighed and collected his things. Usually, he would simply leave you alone, knowing school would start soon, but since the both of you were quite early he tried making conversation.
"Hey Y/n, Good morning!" He said all of a sudden. You whipped your head up, surprised that he was talking to you since he had never done so before.
"Hi" You hesitantly replied making sure to not seem too nervous, but also look a little busy so he would leave you alone.
"How's everything going? Are you feeling okay?" Although you knew he asked you that question simply wanting to ask you how you were feeling, you couldn't help but think to last night when you had a similar conversation with your parents.
"U-um, I'm fine, yeah, I'm good" You stuttered, diverting your attention elsewhere indicating you were done with the conversation.
He simply sighed and sat back down on top of his desk. He noticed that you had submitted your science essay/report and decided to read a bit of it before class started hopefully to give you someone on one feedback.
He picked up the paper and the rustling of the pages alerted you. You looked back at him only to notice that he was reading your essay. You felt nauseous and giddy all of a sudden. He wasn't supposed to be reading your essay now, especially in front of you. Your mouth got dry and you tried to calm yourself. You looked away so he wouldn't notice your stare as he continued reading for the next 2 or 3 minutes.
You looked back at him from time to time and noticed how his eyebrows were scrunched. You saw his somewhat disappointed expression and your stomach dropped. Was your essay not okay? Was he going to fail you? Your breaths got shallower and you looked around trying to calm yourself. All of a sudden, your science teacher spoke.
"Y/n, this was not what was asked of you" He stated matter-of-factly. You felt frustrated and embarrassed and your heart was in your throat. You tried clearing your throat to be able to speak. You looked back up at him, finally making eye contact, and gulped.
"I don't- I don't understand, I did what was-" You finally got out, only to be interrupted by him again.
"No, you didn't. It seems like you're disproving the experiment instead of proving it true. Meet me after class, we can discuss how to fix it." He stated, looking at you with a distressed smile. You forced back a smile and quickly looked away.
Eventually, students began to fill up the class and around 10 minutes after that dreadful conversation, the class had finally started. Unfortunately for you, you kept spacing out and couldn't pay attention to what was being taught due to your mind lingering on your stupid science essay. You began to think it was your fault. Maybe you hadn't studied hard enough? Maybe you just weren't smart enough? You put your head down and proceeded to bear the next 85 minutes or so, absentmindedly.
Luckily for you, your teacher hadn't called on you even once. He simply kept teaching and asking other students questions. You noticed how he tried to make jokes from time to time while all the girls giggled, and although your head was down, you knew he most likely had a smug smile on his face. You scoffed and kept getting lost in your thoughts. After what felt like an eternity, you finally through the class.
Now, it was time to finally confront your science teacher after class and you were not looking forward to it. You acted as if you were packing your bag so the other students wouldn't suspect anything. The last thing you wanted was for them to think you were spending time outside class with your science doing god knows what.
After everyone left, you sat back at your desk and waited for him to call on you, or notice you hoping, to get this over with as soon as possible. He grabbed your paper again and went through it again. You sighed and looked down. He slowly shifted his gaze towards you and ushered for you to grab a chair and sit next to his desk.
You huffed and picked up your chair dragging it to his desk. You plopped it down and took a seat on it. He sighed and brought his chair next to yours sitting on it as well. He began to explain that the experiment that he expected was a 'scientific' one with tangible results instead of a "social experiment" to quote directly. You huffed getting annoyed, how could he say that psychological studies weren't as valid? They were equally important. You sighed and looked away getting frustrated.
He wanted to explain it better, and went to get his pen that was next to you. Instead of asking you to give it to him, like a normal person, he rested his hand on your knee, reaching over to get it. On the outside, you kept your cool but inside you were freaking out. You glared daggers at his hand which was on your knee and didn't lift your gaze, as if staring at his hand was going to make him take it off.
Even after he reached over and got his pen, his hand was still on your thigh. He began to talk about some random experiment but you weren't paying attention. Why wasn't he taking his hand off you? You tried adjusting and moving your leg, crossing them over, to get him to let go, but his grip was firm.
"Hey, Y/n are you listening?" He clarified all of a sudden. You slowly pulled your gaze away from your knee and looked him dead in the eye. You glared at him, indicating you didn't want this. Despite this, he just didn't know when to stop, did he?
"Hey, calm down, what's wrong?" He asked sincerely. If only his actions reflected the same care, you knew he knew what he was doing. In an attempt to calm you down, his hand moved further up, grasping your thigh. You gasped and looked up at him with your mouth agape.
"Let go." You said sternly, you knew he was your teacher but he had to know his limits.
"Hey, I didn't mean it like that, it's alright," He said, the grip on your thigh becoming tighter. No, this was most definitely not okay. Due to the thin fabric of your school uniform skirt, you could feel his hand completely. You scrunched your eyebrows in disgust as you tried scooting backward. He got up though, towering over your shorter figure. You tried pulling away only for him to grip tighter.
"I didn't do anything" He stated firmly, grasping your wrist. He held your wrist tightly, not letting go. You cowered under him, still trying to pull yourself away.
"You don't want this?" He asked shamelessly. You shook your head rapidly, tears stinging in your eyes. He scoffed, roughly releasing your arm. You sighed, instantly getting as far away from him as possible, grabbing your backpack. You quickly shoved your remaining stationery in the first zip you found and threw your backpack over your shoulder, rushing out.
As you were about to leave though you heard him speak up again.
"Do not speak of this to anyone. I'm afraid I will have to fail you for this paper" He said trying to make you feel guilty. You couldn't care less though, without looking back, you nodded your head and left the class.
You cleared your throat as it had closed up. You realized you were crying in the middle of the hallway, so you quickly rushed to the toilet. Luckily, no one saw you, but you still wanted to get away, to freshen yourself up. You splashed water on your face trying to forget what happened in class a few minutes ago.
After that terrifying incident with your science teacher, the rest of the day was quite uneventful. You eventually got through your other subjects including music, and your presentation was a disaster. You weren't able to pay attention to what you were saying since your mind was still in different places. You stuttered your words and kept repeating the same thing.
Your peers realized you were distracted and your teacher knew you were bothered since your presentations were usually quite clear and informative. Thus, this time, they decided to let you off the hook. You were thankful that no one commented on that crappy presentation and simply went back to your seat.
Since you had music for the last period itself you were able to call it a day right after. You decided to skip your after-school commitment since you simply had too much on your mind.
After that shitty day, you decided to try to get your mind off of it by taking a walk in the green space near your apartment. You knew that it would mostly be empty right now as it was a weekday and because it was almost 4 pm, meaning it would most likely rain again.
You were still 5 minutes away from home, so you decided to walk home to the green space nearby. The entire walk there was quite silent. You took this time to try to process and understand the emotions you were feeling. It was getting fairly chilly due to the cold breeze, wind, and mist blowing. You folded both of your arms, rubbing them up and down, trying to get rid of the coldness.
The walk was quite short and you reached there in no time. Since the green area was right in front of your apartment, you could see your window from it. As soon as you reached, you saw your car leaving the apartment. Peeking around the corner, you realized it was your car. Your dad must have just left to go see your grandparents. You tried to hide a little, just in case. If your mom saw you here she would be disappointed that you lied to your dad about meeting your teacher after school.
You found a bench that faced away from your window just in case, so no one from your apartment could see your face. By the time, you found a good spot and settled and sat down, it was around 4:30 pm. You didn't really have a reason for coming to the park. You simply wanted to get your mind off of school, the workload, the stress, and what happened in the morning, so now that you were here, you didn't know what to do. Fortunately, tomorrow was slightly lighter. You didn't have any assessments due tomorrow, but you wanted to check in with your peers to ask them what you missed in the after-school session today and revise that before tomorrow.
Other than that though, you didn't know what to do. Due to this, you ended up spacing out. You simply sat on the bench rubbing your knees from the freezing wind from time to time just staring into the abyss. Quite honestly, it didn't feel forced, awkward or uncomfortable, it felt... calming. You felt a lot of comfort in the fact that you could just take time to process everything. Your way of doing that? Sitting out in the cold breeze, staring at nothing, mind blank. It didn't feel like a waste of time and you definitely didn't regret spending your time gazing at the nature.
Ever since you were young, you had a habit of counting the birds in trees or on the ground. Today was no different. Now that you were out in the nature, it made it easier to count them. You didn't do it for any particular reason, it was just a way of coping and de-stressing. You sat for a good 2 hours just observing everything around you and not doing anything. This included counting birds, staring into nothingness, daydreaming, and spacing out. You were suddenly interrupted by a honking car nearby.
You checked the time and realized it was 6 already. You freaked out and instantly got up, picking your bag. You didn't even realize it had started to drizzle and your sweater/school uniform started collecting water in the form of small droplets. You grabbed your bag, slinging it over your back, walking home, which was just a minute away, right opposite the park. You looked around making sure nobody saw you. Although you quite liked sitting out and simply doing nothing, you could understand how other people might have thought you were absolutely crazy for sitting out and doing nothing for 2 and a half hours.
You sighed looking around. You didn't want to go home just yet and didn't have anywhere else to go. The rain started getting a little heavier and you just gave up, looking up at the sky. Your clothes instantly clung to your figure and you shivered at the coldness.
You decided to take a walk around the nearby neighborhood since you didn't have anywhere else to go. This was actually quite rare. You usually never had the time to come outside and think about your life or reflect on anything as you were always cooped up in your bedroom doing work.
You huffed, rubbing your hands together. By now, your hair and clothes were drenched and your face was covered in water drops. You decided to visit the Mapo bridge to view the Han river from above. Ever since childhood, it was one of your favorite places as you were able to see the Han river below you, the Yeongdeungpo district to your left, and the Mapo district to your right. It had always been a calming sight.
It would take around 10-15 minutes to get there by car from your house but since you didn't really have access to a car right now, you had to walk. You knew it would take at least 45 minutes to get there but you still didn't care.
Unlike the two hours you spent at the park doing literally nothing, this felt different. You thought about the events happening in your life over the past few days, weeks, and months deciding to reflect on them during your journey.
You thought about your parents. How they always welcomed you with open arms while you often gave them the cold shoulder. You felt guilty that was for sure.
You thought about your friends. You had no close friends and the ones you had were slowly starting to drift away. You hadn't sat with them or even talked to them in over 2 weeks.
You thought about your studies. How you always stayed up late doing homework and taking notes while it never paid out. Instead, your crappy work just got you in more trouble.
You thought about the incident with your teacher today. How he touched you inappropriately and gripped your thigh. You shivered, pulling your skirt down slightly.
Unconsciously, tears had started to fall from your eyes. Luckily it was raining so nobody noticed anything too out of place. Despite this, you definitely got some weird stares. At first, the tears were silent. Your face was stoic while tears poured out of your eyes. Eventually though, recalling the painful memories and feelings was too much and your eyebrows furrowed. Your bottom lip trembled as you tried to contain your cries. It started off as light whimpers and occasional gasps.
You rubbed at your eyes and felt yourself losing control. Your cries got louder and you had to clasp a hand over your mouth. At this point, you didn't really care about anything else in the world and were overwhelmed by pain.
You threw your backpack onto some random chair god knows where, and continued walking. No without your backpack you felt freer, and both your hands flew to your face, as you walked in the cold rain.
Meanwhile, you had reached Mapo bridge and began to walk across the pedestrian section. Since it was raining, almost no one was on the bridge and you could finally let your emotions out freely. Your gasps got louder and you let out a strangled sob. Your hands flew to your face trying to cover it up, only for it to be followed by more cries.
As you walked to the middle of the bridge, stumbling across your steps not paying attention to what you were doing. You read the signs on the bridge.
"많이 힘들었구나" (It must be very hard)
"잘 지내지" (How are you)
"파란 하늘을 봐 봐" (Look at the blue sky)
They were mocking you. It was hard, you were not okay and nothing could make this pain better. Your eyes unconsciously closed your eyes and you let out a string of sobs. You choked on your tears, covering your face with your hands sobbing into them.
You rubbed at your eyes but nothing would stop this pain. You looked up at the Han river and thought for a moment. You looked down over the railing of the bridge and noticed the drop.
This was your chance. This was your chance to let go of all your pain and finally be free.
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Yunho was out with his friends. It was a rainy day and he had just gotten back from practice. On rainy days such as this one, he would often simply go on a drive with Hongjoong, Seonghwa, and Wooyoung. They were the three that enjoyed the rain and loved going on long drives. Their building was in Mapo but they decided to take a drive over to Yeongdeungpo since they had the rest of the day off.
The Mapo bridge was actually quite empty today. There weren't any cars or any people on the bridge. Since this was quite a rare occurrence, they decided to savor the moment and drive slowly enjoying their playlist while listening to the rain.
Wooyoung was driving while Seonghwa and Yunho were in the back, eating snacks and Hongjoong was picking a playlist. After popping a gummy bear in his mouth, Yunho decided to look outside and observe the Han river. All of a sudden though, around a hundred meters in front of their car near the left railing, a moving figure caught his eye. He was surprised that anyone would be out in the rain at this time. As they got slightly closer he realized they didn't have an umbrella either. As the car got even closer he realized that the figure was a girl. Your hair was drenched and so were your clothes. He stared at you weirdly wondering what on earth you were doing. You simply slid down the railing sitting on the floor, sobbing your eyes out and Yunho's eyes widened. He realized you were crying as your entire body was shaking with sobs and your hands were over your face.
He suddenly felt the urge to help and spoke up.
'Woo, slow the car for one second" He whispered softly and Wooyoung simply looked back and Yunho shrugging. He obliged and slowed down the speed of the car. Yunho continued to observe you. He didn't want to get out of the car since it was raining and he didn't have an umbrella but continued to watch you.
He watched the way your hands came up from your face and you gripped the roots of your hair. He watched how you tried to cover up your cries by cupping your hand over your mouth from time to time only for your to cry harder as your eyes squinted shut.
While they were driving past slowly, everyone was minding their own business while Yunho was still staring at you. Hongjoong had realized how Yunho was giggly before and then became silent all of a sudden and decided to check up on him. Hongjoong looked up at Yunho from the rear mirror, only to find his gaze locked on something outside. Hongjoong followed his gaze and found you as well. He saw that you were crying and stayed silent not knowing what to do.
Yunho was still looking at you and didn't notice how his leader was now also intrigued. He noticed how you roughly rubbed at your eyes getting up. He thought that you were done crying and that this was just a mini breakdown. Besides, everyone had bad days and maybe your way of letting it out was crying in the rain. Hongjoong averted his eyes as he saw you get up, giving you some privacy while Yunho kept his gaze locked on you.
He noticed how you were now facing the railing and looking out at the river. All of a sudden though, he saw you take off your shoes and a sudden wave of urgency washed over him.
"Stop the car!" He yelled at Wooyoung, while everyone in the car visibly flinched at his sudden voice, looking at him with concern. Wooyoung abruptly stopped the car, causing everyone to jerk slightly. The door immediately flew open and Yunho ran out of the car not caring whether his clothes got wet. Seonghwa had gasped and scooted to Yunho's side, peeking through, looking at what was going on.
Meanwhile, Yunho's intuition was correct. He knew something was wrong and the second you took off your shoes, he knew what you were trying to do. After you took off your shoes, you firmly grasped the railing of the bridge, hoisting yourself up, to sit on it. You looked around you, making sure no one was watching, although you didn't care at this point. Your mind was made up.
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You slowly scooted to the end of the railing, your hand tightly gripping the railing. You looked down, all that was below you was a 60-foot drop and lots of water. You sighed out shakily and looked back one last time. Your hands slowly let go and you breathed in a deep breath of air. You looked up at the sky and let out a wave of sobs before pushing yourself off the railing.
You expected to immediately feel the cold breeze hitting you as you fell over the bridge but you didn't. Instead, you felt a strong force pulling you backward.
The back of your head roughly collided with the concrete ground of the bridge and you let out a yelp. You looked around you processing your surroundings. You expected to be in the water by now, taking your final breaths. Instead, you were still back on the bridge and you fell back instead of forward.
You looked around suddenly, gripping the back of your head wanting to know who or what the fuck stopped you from doing so. Although you were mad you couldn't help but cry.
You sat up on the ground, knees close to your chest as you covered your hands and sobbed. You let out such painful cries, guttural noises, filled with pain. You cried, each cry letting out more sorrow than the last.
Little did you know, someone was scanning all your actions on the side, not knowing how to process the situation that just happened. He just witnessed someone who almost committed suicide.
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The second, he realized you took off your shoes, he knew that you were going to jump. It was a common occurrence, especially on this bridge. His intuition was proven correct when he saw you hoist yourself onto the railing. You were going to jump.
His body was moving on its own at that point and kicked the door open, rushing out as fast as possible. He didn't care about his clothes or his very expensive shoes, keeping only one goal in mind. As you scooted closer to the edge of the railing his heart stopped. He sprinted to the railing as fast as he could, almost slipping along the way. He roughly wrapped his big arms around your waist and he yanked you backward. He fell back onto the bridge and let go of your waist, catching his won fall, while you simply fell backward with force.
As you broke down in front of him, he felt a stinging in his heart. By now, Hongjoong and Seonghwa had also stepped out of the car with an umbrella, a little more cautious as they stood near the car itself, giving you a little space.
Yunho decided to slowly make a move to check up on you. He called out softly, but you didn't hear him.
"Excuse me?" He asked carefully, bottom lip caught in between his teeth from nervousness. You couldn't hear him over the rain and your sobs and frankly didn't care about anything else but the overwhelming pain in your heart.
He looked around nervously, before lifting a hand. He hesitantly brought it closer to you, doubting whether to touch you. He was wondering if you'd be comfortable, but he really wanted to help. He resorted to gently tapping your shoulder with his hands to alert you of his presence.
The second you felt his touch you immediately flinched, not noticing another person's presence. You looked up at him, before clasping your hand over your mouth. Although you knew that it was futile at this point, you still tried your best to cover up your sobs. You let out a string of sobs before squeezing your eyes shut and muttering apologies nonstop.
You kept stopping yourself with your cries but continued to whisper apologies. Yunho's eyes widened as he rapidly shook his head. Why on earth were you apologizing to him? As you looked up at him he noticed how strands of your wet hair clung to your face, your swollen and red eyes as well as your pink-tinted nose. He knew you must have been crying for a long time as your eyes reflected nothing but pain as they were completely bloodshot.
"Hey, hey, hey, I've got you" He whispered as he started patting your back. You nodded as you scooted closer. At this point, you didn't care how you were acting, simply trying to process what was happening. You pulled yourself together trying to get words out.
"May, I lean on you?" You softly whispered, voice breaking in the middle. Yunho hesitantly agreed, opening his arms up for you. You broke down again. You knew that you had been crying a lot that day, and maybe you were overreacting a bit, but in the heat of the moment, you simply couldn't stop.
You leaned into his warm chest taking in his musky scent that was slowly being washed away by the rain as he slowly crept a hand up to your back, rubbing it up and down.
"I'm here, I've got you, You're alright" He whispered into your hair. He knew you weren't in the right mind, but let you have your way just for now. You scrunched his now wet hoodie in your smaller fists as you tried to regain your composure.
You pulled away from a little embarrassed and looked away, knowing very well that he had already seen you, so there was no point. Yunho scooted further a little embarrassed too.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked softly and you shook your head, looking back up at him. You were surprised to see that his nose was slightly pink and his eyelashes were glistening in tears too. You felt guilty and apologized, a little embarrassed.
"I'm sorry for upsetting you," You said all of a sudden, and he shook his head rapidly.
"No, please don't apologize. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you must be in to want to take your own life." He whispered the last part, still not wanting to agitate you. You nodded and backed away. Yunho suddenly then realized the situation he was in, it was raining and the coldness was starting to get to him, he couldn't even imagine how much pain you must have been in to completely feel numb to it.
"It's raining and it's cold outside, do you want to sit inside our car, we have a heater" He interjected all of a sudden. You got nervous all of a sudden not knowing how to respond.
"I- I- can't-, I'm not sure" You stuttered your words and he noticed your discomfort, trying to divert the topic.
"Do you have anywhere else to go?" He asked looking at you sincerely and you shook your head. You couldn't go home like this. You averted your gaze while he tried to come up with a solution that you were comfortable with. All of a sudden though, you spoke up.
"Where are you going?" You asked and he tried to come up with a comforting answer real quick, one that would convince you to go with them.
"We are just heading to Yeongdeungpo, would you be interested in tagging along?" He asked sincerely. Your grandparents lived there, and you knew they would welcome you without asking questions, so you could go stay at theirs if you wanted to, so you nodded your head.
"Are you sure?" He confirmed with you and you nodded.
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It was safe to say the car ride there was anything but comfortable. You were in a car full of strangers wherein 2 of you were soaking wet.
"What on earth were you thinking?" One of them asked you all of a sudden, and you noticed the male who was with you earlier glared daggers back at them.
"I- um, I didn't- I'm not-" You kept fumbling over your words.
"She's not obligated to answer that." The man from earlier said sternly. You mumbled a thank you and continued to look outside. A few more minutes of silence passed as he tried to break the awkward silence.
"I never got your name by the way," He said all of a sudden, and without looking back you answered.
"Y/n," You said, cutting the conversation short. You weren't in the mood to talk. The other male nodded and introduced himself and the others.
"Well, I'm Yunho, this is Hongjoong, Seonghwa, and Wooyoung" He pointed at them but you didn't look at them, simply nodding, facing the other direction. Through the side mirror of the car, you noticed the boy in the front, the one that had slightly longer hair in the back, and was significantly shorter, glaring at Yunho. You assumed they were not comfortable introducing their identities just yet and you were okay with that.
Most of the car ride was quiet. You let out occasional sighs and whimpers due to the cold but there were no other comments or conversations.
Halfway through the ride though, the boy from earlier, the one who asked you what you were doing on the bridge, Seonghwa, spoke up again.
"Are you okay though?" He trailed off at the end. The other three boys looked at him with wide eyes, presumably glaring, telling him off, when you suddenly cut those thoughts off.
"I don't know" You answered sincerely. In all honestly, nobody had expected you to speak up, so when you did, they were all ears. You sighed before continuing.
"Everything is just so hard on me" You sighed out, as your voice broke at the end of the sentence. You decided that was enough or else you knew you wouldn't be able to stop if you said more. Although your answer was somewhat ambiguous, they didn't want to pressure you.
They all just nodded trying not to make it seem like a big issue. You noticed how Yunho sighed silently next to you before scooting closer to you. This didn't go unnoticed by you. His knees made contact with your fingers which were on either side of you, on the seat, and you looked back up at him questioningly.
"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it? I'm all ears, you don't have to worry about feeling vulnerable. In all honesty, it's best to let your feelings out. You seem like the type to bottle everything up, but you clearly have a lot on your mind, you can tell me if you're comfortable." He whispered sincerely, only of you to hear. You were still looking into his eyes, and unconsciously tears started welling up in your eyes again at the sincerity and care in his voice. You had never told anyone about your problems and this was your chance. A tear slipped down your cheek and you roughly wiped at it, scoffing softly.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what's gotten into me today" You let out a soft breathy laugh, but the both of you knew it was not funny. He looked at you sternly, faux anger on his face as he felt frustrated that you were treating yourself this way, frustrated that you were reducing yourself to an emotionless robot.
"Don't say that. Emotions are what make you human, you don't need to feel embarrassed." He said and you nodded, slowly scooting closer to him. He didn't mind. Although the proximity was making him a little nervous, he was trying his best to comfort you.
He decided to test the waters by putting his arm around you. He slowly and slyly snaked his arm behind your back, since you were leaning forwards and slowly made contact with the small of your back. When he noticed that you were comfortable with it, he tried putting a little pressure to pull you closer and you went with the flow. You leaned into him, with your head on his shoulder, as one of his arms was around you. You both needed the warmth anyways as you were freezing. It was silent for a bit before you decided to speak up.
"My science teacher molested me." You said breathily. His eyes widened as he tried pulling away from you. With this new bit of information, he realized that the close proximity of you two could be making you nervous. He wasn't able to pull away though since your back was flush against the back of the seat, and you didn't seem too uncomfortable so he decided to keep it there. He rubbed your back up and down urging you to continue.
"I don't- I'm not sure what I did wrong. I disproved the experiment instead of verifying it and he got mad." You paused and took in a shaky breath of air. At this point, your voice sounded pathetically weak and vulnerable but you knew only Yunho could hear you since you were whispering to him, so you had nothing to worry about. He just let out a hum into your hair as you continued.
"He called me to stay after class the discuss the paper and I stayed. I fucking stayed. I stayed despite knowing his sleazy ass would try to pull something on me. After all the students left he called me over to his desk..." You stopped yourself off as you felt your voice wavering. At this point, Yunho could feel his stomach doing flips just thinking about the situation you were in. The fact that it seemed like you were blaming yourself made him feel even worse. Nonetheless, you continued.
"He grabbed my knee and then my thigh and when I told him to let go, he didn't. He even had the audacity to ask me whether I wanted to go further. When I said no, he- he said I would fail. This is all my fault, what the fuck is wrong with me." You let out breathily into Yunho's wet hoodie. His heart broke when he heard you blaming yourself, you couldn't be further from the truth.
"Hey, please don't blame yourself. You have no reason to blame yourself, Y/n. You put your heart into that essay and he didn't like it because his narrow-minded brain couldn't accept new ideas. Furthermore, I'm sure he only used it as an excuse to hurt you. I'm sure your essay was great, and please don't blame yourself for him touching you. What he did was wrong and is all his fault." He paused finally, a little breathless from rambling. You nodded thinking he was done, only for him to continue speaking.
"I'm going to give you my number... Feel free to call me after today, I want to help you. I want to help you speak your side and arrest your science teacher for he did to you" You mumbled a soft okay as you leaned deeper into his embrace.
"I shouldn't feel like this" You suddenly said. Yunho had assumed the conversation was over when you told him about your science teacher but regardless he was ready to listen, no matter what it was.
"Why?" He asked sincerely, ready to scold you again for putting yourself down for having emotions.
"I have loving parents. I study at a good school. I usually get decent grades. I have 2-3 friends who I talk to sometimes. My family can afford the resources I need to feel content. Then why the fuck do I feel like this?" You asked more to yourself than Yunho and he knew this, but he had an answer.
"So?" He countered, waiting for a reaction from you but you had none.
"Even the most privileged people are not happy hun. Satisfaction and content come from within. You may have everything you need but still not feel satisfied with yourself. Is there anything about yourself that is bothering you?" He asked and you furrowed your eyebrows. What he was saying made a lot of sense...
"You- I-, I guess... I feel stressed all the time, and I'm not happy with the work I produce since I'm stressed and overwhelmed, but how did you know-"
"How do I know?" He interrupted you while you looked at him with wide eyes.
"Because I've felt the exact same way a few years ago." Now it was your turn to be shocked.
"I'm training to be an idol and I spent countless nights practicing my dancing and singing, but I never felt happy with my skills. I always thought I could get better, and that led to a sort of addiction. I stayed up late at our studio practicing and my sleep schedule was fucked up." You chuckled breathily at his word choice and how he let a curse word slip in. He noticed and smiled back down at you.
"When I finally understood and accepted the problem I got better. My mental health took a turn for the better and I was more proud of my accomplishments. Besides, I consider myself a decent singer now" He laughed at the end as you joined him.
"I'm proud of you for reaching your goal and bettering yourself," You said honestly as you patted his chest.
"I just hope I can fix myself one day too." You said honestly.
"I'm sure you will be able to. It takes time and perseverance, so please never give up. You're a beautiful, talented, and valuable person, never doubt yourself." He said and you nodded in his embrace.
That's where the conversation ended for now. The silence was not awkward at all. Instead, it was quite comforting as you had a lot to think about and process. Yunho's words definitely shifted the way you looked at life.
Yunho got a little more confident and trailed his arm upwards of your back and into your wet hair. He ran his hands through your wet hair as you scooted closer to him. He gently rubbed his hands across your scalp relaxing you. Despite him being a stranger, from the way he listened to you, saved your life, and comforted you, you knew he was someone you could trust.
Meanwhile, the boy in the front, Hongjoong looked through the rear mirror, looking at the position you and Yunho were in. He and Yunho suddenly made eye contact through the mirror, and Yunho got nervous, his eyes widening as he realized his leader had seen the position he was in, but that went away as he realized Hongjoong was smiling back at him with a soft smile across his face.
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Unknowingly, you had fallen asleep in Yunho's arms. When Hongjoong realized you fell asleep he patted Seonghwa's shoulder pointing to the two of you. You had fallen asleep on Yunho's shoulder, resting your head against it, while his head was on top of yours, also asleep. Seonghwa almost squealed when he saw the position you were in. They exchanged a few knowing looks before you finally arrived at your stop.
Yunho woke up before you and you were awoken by a messy-haired, still sleepy but smiley Yunho, ushering you to go outside. You got up, rubbing at your eyes as you looked around. You realized you were still in the car with all of the boys looking at you. You got embarrassed and quickly fixed yourself before shooting a confused look at Yunho. Suddenly, the man driving, Wooyoung, spoke up.
"I dare you and Yunho to go to 7/11 to get us snackssss" He playfully said and you smiled.
"Don't forget to get yourself a new pair of clothes too, you're soaking wet and probably cold. Although, I don't think that was much of a problem considering you were practically on top of eachoth- OOF" Seonghwa was cut off but Yunho roughly shoving his side. For the first time in the past week, you let out a genuine laugh and all the boys turned to look at you, as you bent over in laughter. Their eyes widened and Yunho swore it was the most melodious sound he had ever heard.
Feeling empowered and having a new perspective on life, you decided to go with the flow. Besides, you were given a second chance at life, you weren't going to waste it, moping around. You decided to make a change, and that change started today.
"Well big boy, are you coming with me or not?"
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