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violetswritingg · 5 months ago

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Canary Cry

Robin/Nightwing (Dick Grayson) x OFC!

Description: Her violence was silent. Until it wasn't.

"I'm fine."

"Fine is just another word for drowning."

Rating T-M (mentions of blood, child abuse, mental health, cannon situations of violence and the like. Loss of parents, hard of hearing/deaf character, poorly written fight scenes lol)

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STAR CITY

The Lance Apartment

July 6, 02:34 PDT

It took a couple seconds for Dinah to process what had woken her up, but in a flash she recognized the sound of thrashing and quiet whimpers and all but leaped out of bed. The LED lights around the girl's ceiling radiating a soft orange. Acting as a night light and illuminating the small blonde tossing and turning, getting caught in her sheets.

"Kate, Kate. Hey, wake up, it's okay. It's okay. It's just a bad dream." Dinah, from experience knew that waking Kate up was not the most pleasant experience but a necessary one. Dinah wouldn't let her suffer either way but if left to wake up on her own then she'd start screaming and they had upstairs neighbors.

Icy blue eyes, warmed at the core with concern and love, met Kate's silvery hue as she gasped awake at Dinah's slight shaking. Her forehead gleaming in the low light of the room with cold sweat, eyes darting around in panic. A hitch in her breath indicating what was about to happen.

"Kate, it's me. You're safe. Breathe." Dinah pushed aside the knowledge of Kate's aversion to touch and held her cheeks in her hands. Making the teenager look at her, recognize her, and process. Kate's mouth snapped shut, her scream suffocated in her throat.

"Dinah-" It was moments like this that Kate was her most vulnerable. And while the teenager hated it, she couldn't lie and say that, deep down, she hated being taken care of like this. Treated like she was worth more than the checks the state sent out, a punching bag, or free child care.

The woman just shushed the girl and pulled her gently into her shoulder, holding her as long as Kate would let her as she shook. Dinah did her best to fight back the mist in her eyes, carding her fingers through Kate's hair, looking at the reflection in the window on the far wall across the bedroom. It was unfocused and blurry and Dinah, for a split second thought Kate was-

Dinah closed off that avenue instantly, she couldn't go there, not right now. Instead, the woman focused on the small house plants and succulents on the window sill and over the practically exploding bookshelf bedside the pane of glass and beside a desk Dinah had bought on Amazon for twenty bucks.

"The directions aren't even in English." Kate signed; her fingers clumsy with the new way of communication but sharp enough to show her annoyance. Punctuating her mood by tossing the unfolded instructions down by Dinah as the woman lifted a small screwdriver.

"That just makes it more fun," Dinah smirked, signing back to the teenager, her movements just as clumsy. They were learning together. "Think of it like an adventure."

"Sure. Whatever you say." Kate rolled her eyes and leaned back on her hands. Twisting the soft carpet of the area rug she and Dinah sat on between her fingers. Kate unable to fight the small smirk that came to her lips as she watched Dinah struggle for a couple minutes, relying on the poorly drawn picture examples of the construction steps to no avail.

Kate never made it know how grateful she was to Dinah for buying that stupid desk, no one had ever bought her anything like that before. Had ever taken the thought or time or money to try and make her life easier.

"You'll thank me later. This is gonna be a life saver when you start school and we get you a computer. It'll give you your own space."

That's what Dinah had told her, and Kate had to fight the stinging in her eyes. It was still early on in her time with Dinah, when the woman was jumping through major hoops to earn the girl's trust and prove that living with her wouldn't be anything like the places she had been before. And Dinah's efforts paid off. This moment proof of that.

Three months ago, Kate barely let Dinah touch her, much less spoke to her at all. Even after getting her hearing aids and going to a speech therapist. The teenager was used to only using her voice to scream, terrified to even open her mouth in fear she'd hurt someone.

That fear was still there, but through hard work and dedication on both of their parts they had turned a corner. Kate now clinging to Dinah as she calmed down, as if she was afraid the woman would leave.

The thought striking Dinah like a hot nail, Roy. Of course, Dinah cursed herself for not realizing sooner that this could happen.

"It's okay Katie. I'm not going anywhere, I promise." Dinah signed as skillfully as she could with one hand, but even without the ASL, Kate would have been able to read Dinah's lips. The woman using the other to cradle the thirteen year old's face and wipe away the water that had collected under her eyes without her permission.

The teenager didn't know what to say, but felt her face get hot in embarrassment. She was Goldfinch, she was supposed to be strong, yet here she was dissolving into tears over a stupid dream that wasn't even real.

But it could be.

Dinah's face, twisted into disgust and disappointment flashing before her eyes as the woman turned her back and walked into the dark, followed by Ollie and lastly Roy. Leaving her alone as the darkness creeped in and swallowed her whole.

Dinah wanted to hug her again at the haunted look in her eyes, but this time never let go. She knew better though, that would only push Kate past her fragile limit of positive human contact. Her eyes trailed to one of the boxes of pop tarts on the bedside table, sitting next to her hearing aids that almost blended into the dark wood in the warm, dim lighting.

"You should get some rest." Dinah tried, only to receive a half hearted "I'm not tired."

Picking up the only open box, Dinah made a mental note to talk to Kate again about hoarding food in her room. She didn't need to anymore, and it would bring in ants. That conversation could wait until daylight though.

"You hungry?"

Kate hesitated, twisting her fingers together in front of her, harshly tearing into her bottom lip, taking a solid minute before answering with a simple nod. Dinah waiting patiently and giving the girl a soft smile.

"I'm feeling fried eggs, bacon?" Dinah offered, "Whatever you want."

"Eggs..." Kate cautiously signed, gaining confidence when she saw Dinah look at her with zero negative emotion in her eyes, "And bacon."

"Great, I'll make coffee. Want some?" Dinah asked as she stood off Kate's sage green bed spread, handpicked by the teen herself after some prodding by Dinah. The small white flowers dotting the comforter, matching the pillow cases that came with the set and complimenting the pastel yellow sheets. Getting a small nod from Kate, Dinah sent her a tired smile and made her way to the door to get started on the pairs early breakfast.

Stopping in the doorway Dinah looked over her shoulder for a split second, letting her worry finally show as her own guilt ate her alive. Getting started on breakfast Dinah settled into a comforting kind of silence.

Dinah's mind was anything but silent though, her thoughts running wild, realizing that for as much progress as Kate's made in the last couple months. She still had a long way to go. The woman's heart breaking a little bit as Kate shuffled into the kitchen, bags under her eyes, one of the throw blankets Dinah had bought her.

They had worked past most of Kate's aggression through training, discipline, and therapy, but without the constant simmering anger, there was nothing there to hide her broken pieces from the light. And now that she could think past where she would find her next meal or where she would sleep for the night, nothing there to hold them together. Survival was all Kate knew up until six months ago, and as much as Dinah had done to help her adjust it still wasn't enough to erase the years of trauma.

Goldfinch was a tool, it gave Kate a purpose, a purpose beside simply surviving till the next breath she would take. Goldfinch was a way to show Kate that things could be better. That she could be better and more than what she thought she was. That she could be more than what the system made her into before she could even walk.

Kate was damaged but not past being helped, she was at delicate stage where she could go either way on the scale of light or dark. And Dinah would damn herself to eternal torment before letting her niece fall through the cracks and become something she wasn't.

Because she may have her fair share of issues, but her heart was made of gold.

~~*~~

STAR CITY

The Lance Apartment

July 14, 10:30 PDT

Dinah stood silently in the doorway of Kate's room, watching her sleep peacefully for the first time in days. She almost felt guilty for waking the teenager up, but she had a full day planned ahead. Filled with everything her parents did with her on her birthdays and things she knew Kate loved.

It was Kate's first birthday with Dinah and the woman wanted to make it special. Make it important. Because it was, you only turn 14 once and Dinah doubted she had ever celebrated her birthday properly. As in with presents and cake and loved ones all around you.

"Kate..." Dinah dragged out the girl's name, mischief in her eyes and dancing on her tongue as she gently shook the girl. Kate's eyes shot open and Dinah chuckled, signing that everything was okay, "It's time to get up birthday girl."

"What?" Kate looked to the calendar hung up on her wall, her eyes going wide when she realized what day it was. With everything going on she had almost forgotten.

"It's your birthday silly. Come on, get up, get dressed." Dinah smiled, fingers forming the words as they spilled from her mouth. Dinah noticed the shift in the girl almost immediately, her sleepiness going away as a dark cloud rolled in like the bay area fog.

"I'm making pancakes?" When that didn't alter the girl's mood Dinah officially got worried, sitting by her side slowly, "What's up? What's wrong?"

"I don't celebrate my birthday. It's not a good day." Kate simply signed, swinging her legs over the side of the full mattress so her back was facing Dinah.

"Why would you say that? Hey, look at me," Dinah reached and pulled the girl's shoulder, "Why would you say that?" Dinah repeated making sure Kate could see her.

"It's not just my birthday Dinah." Kate signed, her fingers moving aggressively as she turned her body to face the woman more. Her eyes alight with hurt. Only then did it hit Dinah, her confusion and worry fading away into soft comfort and a strange kind of sadness Kate saw sometimes when the woman looked at her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize. Gosh, and I had a full day planned too." Dinah started with a sigh, "I was gonna make pancakes, take you to that bookstore downtown - the one with the multiple levels, and let you get as many books and vinyl's as you wanted. And then meet up with Ollie and stop for lunch at this adorable little Italian place, family owned restaurant, family sized portions." Dinah listed, and with each item the hurt in Kate's eyes shifted into something lighter. "And I also got tickets to a book reading by that one Author you like so much, what was her name-"

"Shut up! You got tickets to the Hawthorne Bridge reading?!" Kate's entire demeanor changed and she all but leaped onto Dinah. The woman laughed and nodded.

"But if you don't want to celebrate today then I understand-"

"Now, wait. Wait just a minute." Kate backtracked, "I didn't say that."

Dinah smirked in silent victory; she would not just make this the best birthday Kate had ever had but she would change how the girl thought of them. It wasn't the anniversary of her abandonment anymore; it was a day to celebrate Kate. As it should have been all along.

"Okay, well. Get up and dressed then. We've got a lot of ground to cover."

~~*~~

STAR CITY

The Lance Apartment

July 17, 22:45 PDT

Hiding behind a corner, Kate's lips twitched up in a small smile at the sounds of joy coming from the kitchen, almost sorry to be the one to break it up. But she was hungry, and it was technically her dinner so....

Oliver and Dinah quickly backed away from each other as Kate made the corner and into their field of vision. A large bag of Chinese takeout, a pink cake box, and an open bottle of wine sat on the small island, each of the adults holding a half-full glass of the red liquid.

"Katie, I was just about to come get you-"

"You don't need to pretend you're not together," Kate interrupted Dinah, paying more attention to setting up their feast then the adults, "I've known for..." The teen trailed off, pretending to think, "Four months? Yeah, that sounds right."

She had relied on body language to understand situations all her life, it was impossible to miss the flirting and connection the two adults shared. Plus, Roy had complained about how gross it was when they'd patrol together and he would third wheel.

"W-what?!" Oliver dragged out the word comically, he always has been a horrible liar. It's kind of a miracle he had been able to keep his secret ID under wraps this long. Kate finished unloading the bag of food onto the kitchen table made for four, taking the plates Oliver handed her as Dinah kissed the man on the cheek.

Kate averted her eyes form the short moment of intimacy, silvery orbs falling to the chair across from hers as if on instinct.

Roy's chair.

Tonight, it was left empty for the second time.

He left.

She had, strangely, been hoping that he'd be able to put aside the drama for one night, for her. For this. Kate didn't know where the hopeful streak had come from but she couldn't help but find herself feeling disappointed, hurt almost, that the redheaded archer hadn't shown his face. He hadn't even called.

She should have known better.

Dinah and Oliver caught how the girl paused, what she was looking at, and shared a concerned look.

"Happy belated birthday Kate." Dinah redirected, which didn't do too much but it at least brought some kind of smile to the newly minted fourteen year old's face. Even if it was forced, Dinah and Oliver would take what they could get.

"Let's dig in!" Oliver clapped his hands, his smile forced as well but ten time brighter than Kate's and breaking up the dimming energy in the room.

~~*~~

STAR CITY DOCKS

"High density poly-urethane foam, nice!" KF said to the red archer, who just turned and started to walk away.

"So Speedy, you in?" Robin asked leaning back against a shipping crate, Aqualad across form him, Speedy in between.

"Pass, I'm done letting Arrow and the League tell me what to do. I don't need a babysitter or clubhouse hangout with the other kids. Your junior Justice League is a joke. Something to keep you busy and in your place," Speedy continued walking away from the people he used to call friends. "I don't want any part of it," He stopped in his tracks when a certain blonde entered his mind. "Where's Goldfinch? She gonna jump out and try to pull the family card to get me to join or something?"

"I didn't know you two were related!" KF gasped in shock.

"He meant Arrow family dude." Robin shook his head at the speedster.

"No, but she will join us as well, soon according to Black Canary." Aqualad spoke, his voice somewhere between neutral and somber. Roy didn't have to think hard to remember what day it was.

Kate's Birthday dinner.

"Right, well, like I said. I want no part of it." And just like that he disappeared into the shadows.

~~*~~

Under the cloak of night a figure gracefully ran across rooftops, sticking to the shadows as they stopped, crouching down in the gravel of the rooftop and gazing across the alley.

Looking in to a window, pastel yellow drapes waving lightly in the ocean night breeze. The light was on, a head of blonde hair sitting at a cheap desk he had helped put together after Dinah struggled for two days. A book held open in her hands, the spine lovingly creased, each page soft to the touch without a wrinkle in sight.

He knew this because he had seen her read it enough times. He wasn't surprised she wasn't in bed yet; she - unsurprisingly - never had an easy time getting to sleep or staying that way. Swallowing hard, the figure shook his head, his hood falling and revealing a shock of ginger hair as he grabbed his bow from his back.

Attaching a small package to an arrow and drawing the string tight before releasing it. Hiding down as the suction cup arrowhead hit the window with a thud. He waited, listening for the slide of the window as it opened and the sound of the suction cup being pulled from its surface over the sound of cars and the lively city below. Once he was sure she had closed the window he peeked over the surface, seeing the blonde teenager playing with the package in her hands.

Ducking down once again when she looked out the window in his direction and deciding not to stick around, Roy took off the way he came. Sticking to the shadows and disappearing.

~~*~~

A/N: Awwwww, he does care.

#young justice #dc robin #dick grayson #kid flash #artemis #heroes #DC #aqualad #miss martian #growing up is hard #orignal character #batman #young justice fanfiction #dinah lance #black canary #green arrow #found family #angst #hurt/comfort

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vennilavee · 4 years ago

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to build a home - ch 4

memory misplaced

TBAH masterlist

Pairing: levi x reader (attack on titan)

Summary: a modern au where you and levi both work for the Survey Corps, a non-profit organization with a mission to help the youth of the Underground District.

chapter summary: reader goes through a bad break up. takes place about 4 years before the present story

Warnings: cursing, alcohol, drama, reader sleeps around lol

Word Count: 3838

Levi walks past your empty office, a morsel of curiosity wiggling its way into his mind. You’ve been gone for three days and it was an abrupt absence. You hardly ever take days off without letting everyone know. He wonders if you’re sick or something. But you were fine on Monday… So what is it?

At least Erwin of all people has to know, as your direct boss. But Levi stays out of it, shifting his eyes to the interns who are furiously typing away on their laptops at their cubicles. He takes a sip of his hot tea and heads into his own office, putting thoughts of you to the back of his mind.

Levi doesn’t see you until the following week and when you finally do return, you come back as if you hadn’t been mysteriously gone for four days. He says nothing when he passes you in the hallway going to his office, only offering you a small nod of acknowledgement.

Your lips might be impeccably painted, blazer pristine and lashes curled, but Levi sees nothing but pain sitting in the planes of your pretty face.

You don’t offer a smile back as you normally would. You don’t have it in you to break the lines of your lips to do so.

Concentration doesn’t come easy to you that day. You’re uncomfortable, out of your element. Maybe you should’ve stayed home. But you’ve been home for the better part of a week. You’re lucky that Erwin is your friend and that he allowed you this much time to wallow.

You’re uncomfortable in your own skin. You subconsciously itch your wrist with sharp nails.

You’re single. It sounds foreign to you, considering you’d been in a relationship with your now ex-girlfriend for a little over a year. You stare at your fingers, at the absence of any of the jewelry she had gifted to you over the last few months.

You thought it was the real deal. And then it wasn’t. Something inside of you lurches when you glance at the photo of both of you near your monitor. With shaky hands and shaky breaths, you manage to peel the photo out of the frame. You don’t want to look at it but you don’t have the heart to throw it away. You tuck it into your backpack, hoping it gets crumpled without your intervention.

And she had broken up with you. The worst part was you hadn’t even seen it coming. Not even a month ago, you were talking about moving in together.

You sigh, trying to avoid the inevitable spiral of despair. You can’t tiptoe down that dangerous path, not when you have a mountain of work to catch up on.

***

You keep to yourself mostly over the next few weeks at work. Levi comes to wonder when you’ll barge into his office without permission, as you usually do. He doesn’t see you with Hange in her office, scolding her about her habits or giggling over gossip.

Your door is closed, and Levi can’t think of the last time he’s ever seen your office with it’s door closed. Levi was tempted to knock on your door but he can’t even tell if you’re inside. He hears the faint noise of typing. And then he hears a frustrated sniffle.

Levi steps away, not wanting to hear something that he shouldn’t. He hears you curse under your breath before he swiftly walks back to his office, pretending he was never there.

Leaning back in your office chair, you sigh heavily as iciness seems to fill your bloodstream slowly but surely. Has the ceiling always looked like that? So awfully bland and commonplace? Dull and dismal? Like you? Is that why she left?

Is that why she left?

You nearly scoff at yourself. Look at you, dictating your own self-worth over the actions and reactions of the person you love. Or loved. Love? Present tense? Can those intense feelings dissipate so quickly? What bothers you even more is that you didn’t even see it coming.

How could you not see it coming? How could you be so delusional to think that everything was fine, when apparently, it wasn’t?

How could she allow you the false sense of security? How could you allow yourself the false sense of security?

But maybe you had missed the signs. Were there any signs?

Maybe people just fall out of love. At least, that’s what she had said to you. That it didn’t feel the same. It’s not you, it’s me.

Who were you to argue with that? You’ll refuse to beg, refuse to beg for an explanation, refuse to beg for her love. Even if she had plunged her anchor of a hand into your stupid, foolish heart and squeezed until you couldn’t breathe… You would never beg.

You swallow the ache in your lungs and bury it in the pit of your stomach, make yourself a cup of coffee and get to work.

A month. Then two. Then four. And suddenly, it’s six months later.

You’re walking into work on this bright, beautiful Monday morning. Birds are chirping, the sun is high in the sky and there’s even a light breeze in the air.

You’re coming off of a weekend long bender, complete with a throbbing headache and the taste of cotton in your mouth. Your reflexes are delayed and the sun burns red in your retinas despite your sunglasses. You hope Levi doesn’t catch the wrinkles on your collar and on your shirt. You don’t think you can handle his sharp tongue and scathing look. Not today.

You had barely gotten ready to leave for work on time this morning. It had taken far too long to kick your guest out of bed.

Your guest from the night before. You barely remember her name, you only remember the scent of her sweet, vanilla perfume. You recall it being almost too sweet.

The thought makes you gag.

Yeah. You’re dealing with the break up really well.

You set your backpack down in your office and head to the break room to make yourself some coffee. Of course, Levi is already there with his teacup.

“Sunglasses inside? You look like an asshole,” Levi greets you, raising his teacup in acknowledgement.

“Thanks. You’re a dick,” You mutter, putting your coffee beans into the coffee machine and taking the creamer from the fridge.

“You look like shit.”

“You done yet?” You shoot him a scathing glare. Not that he’d be able to tell.

It would be almost comical, if you didn’t show up like this more and more over the last few months. He knows Hange and Erwin are worried, not wanting to set you off by confronting you about your behavior. Hell, he’s worried, too. That you’re hurting in a way you don’t even realize. That you need to heal in a way that might feel foreign and uncomfortable to you.

A hand brushes over your shoulder as he exits the breakroom, a wordless but welcome comfort. Your shoulders relax at his fleeting touch and you stir your coffee absently.

It had been a pure coincidence. It had been a stroke of fate, a laughable atrocity. That’s the only explanation, for why your ex-girlfriend is staring you in the face with another woman from across the club.

Mike, Hange, Levi and Erwin had asked if you’d like to join them at a club on Friday to end the week. At first, you had declined. And then changed your mind because you realized that you missed your friends terribly. You can’t recall the last time you had seen their faces for more than a few minutes outside of work.

You had even invited them to your apartment to have drinks beforehand-

Your speakers are charged, the apartment freshly cleaned, and alcohol recently stocked in anticipation for company coming over.

You wonder what Levi will think of your cleaning.

One by one they arrive, first Levi and Erwin, ever so punctual. Then Mike, with Nanaba. And last, but not least, Hange. About thirty minutes after all of them. You’re all already one drink into the evening and you eagerly give Hange a mix of her favorite cocktail.

You see Levi peering around your apartment in mild curiosity, and you can’t help but tease him.

“What? You impressed that someone can clean better than you?”

“No,” Levi rolls his eyes, but you see the twitch in his lips.

“It’s alright, Levi. You can admit it.”

“I’d rather choke on my own tongue, thanks.”

“Now that’s a sight I’d pay to see.”

You wink at him and walk away for a minute, when Hange calls your name to take a shot with her. It’s tequila, and it burns in the best way. Only Hange can get you to agree to tequila. As you walk away, Levi watches the curve of your hips, the glistening tan of your skin, the way your heels and your jeans make your legs look endless.

He’s not immune to you. You’re pretty, but more than that, you’re funny and brilliant and caring. He thinks your ex-girlfriend is an idiot for letting you go, if anyone was to ask for his opinion. As your friend, of course.

Levi takes a hearty gulp of his drink, vaguely realizing how strong you had made it. Apparently, you were heavy handed with your pour.

Suddenly, his neck feels hot when he watches you lick your hand with salt and throw your head back to take your shot of tequila. The junction of your neck is accentuated by the necklace you’re wearing- it’s tight and inviting around your neck. And then the slight wince on your face, before thrusting a lime slice into your mouth.

He rolls his eyes at the thoughts floating through his mind before turning his gaze away and observing your apartment. It’s warm, littered with pieces and parts of you. A few frames hang on the walls, a painting above your couch. A mahogany bookcase to the right, next to your corner of plants. Your bookcase has clearly worn out books in it, some dog eared and some not. But you also have some trinkets on the shelves- a snowglobe, a small royal blue box with a golden ribbon on it and a little pink succulent in a painted clay pot.

There’s a light coating of dust on some of the shelves, but he’ll keep that to himself for a bit.

It seems like forever ago that you were in the comfort of your own apartment with your friends. You’re frozen in place, and it seems like she is, too. The woman on her arm glances at you, then at her, and then back at you before shaking her head and walking away.

You hardly notice. Because you only see your ex-girlfriend, in this crowded sea of people. And you feel almost nothing. Except for hurt, sadness, and the anger that follows. You have a million words to say to her and twice as many questions, except your tongue feels like lead in your mouth.

The bass thumps through your veins as a coldness washes over you.

Was there anything even left to say?

No. You decide there isn’t. You’ve already come to terms with the fact that closure isn’t always what you need it to be.

Before she can get a word in edgewise, you turn your back on her and head back to your friends at your table. Levi notices that your lips are pulled into a grim line and that your shoulders are tense. But you say nothing, instead only offering to buy another round of shots for everyone. And then another. And just another.

Soon enough, your arms are wrapped around Hange’s waist as you both sip on matching drinks. A lazy, drunken grin is plastered on your face and you’re nearly swaying on your feet as you and Hange both sing along to the song playing through the club speakers.

Levi can feel a headache brewing. He usually hates places like this for the most part. But it’s not so bad, he thinks. Maybe because despite the crowd, the noise, the dirtiness of bodies close to each other… He still feels like he’s in his own bubble with Hange, Mike, Erwin, Nanaba and you.

As quickly as your smile had floated across your face, dripping in drunkenness, it sours. Levi follows your line of vision and sees a woman who looks familiar. He can’t quite place it, and it takes him a few seconds to realize that it’s your ex-girlfriend. She’s currently walking towards you with a determined look in her eyes.

Conversely, your dark eyes have turned icy and you’ve recollected yourself quickly. Levi doesn’t know anything about your previous relationship. All he knows is that it was an unexpected break-up.

“Can we talk?” An unfamiliar voice asks and your eyes narrow.

Levi thinks that he would hate to be on the receiving end of that stare.

“No. I have nothing to say,” You say coldly. You flinch when she tries to reach out to you. Levi doesn’t miss the way your hand tightens around your drink.

Should you grant her the dignity of the closure she needs? Are you mature enough to do that? You want to hurt her the same way she hurt you, and you’re not above admitting that.

Despite the alcohol coursing through your system, you’ve never felt so clear headed before.

“Seriously? That’s a surprise,” She scoffs and Levi can see steam coming out of your ears.

“Are you kidding me,” You laugh mirthlessly, “You given’ me attitude? You are giving me attitude?”

“I’m just asking if you wanted to talk-”

“I wanted to talk six fucking months ago!” You hiss and step away from the table to face her. And so that your friends don’t need to hear you airing out your dirty laundry.

Your eyes are wild, rage and hurt and poison flooding into them through an already broken dam.

“Fine,” You shrug, once you find a relatively quiet place away from people, “Let’s talk. What could you possibly want to say to me?”

Your heart aches, in that familiar way that makes you want to twist your limbs together and never leave the safety of the four walls of your home. And yet, you are here. About to have a very belated conversation with your ex-girlfriend. You want to say a million things to her, you want to spit steel into her heart, the same way she did with you. You want to show her the poison that has curled in your blood and left a bitter taste in your mouth that leaves you choking most nights.

She can have a taste of your angry mouth when all she’s known from you is your softened, sweet lips.

She opens her mouth first, but you beat her to the punch-

“I cannot fucking believe that after six months of you not taking my calls or answering my texts or anything- the only fuckin’ reason that we’re discussing anything is because of a happy coincidence,” You seethe, pointing an accusing finger at her.

“You just- you just fucking left! And verbatim, you said ‘it’s not you, it’s me’! So it was just me, when we were talking about moving in together? It was just me when I told you I loved you? When I told you that we could work through anything, it was just me?!

“I can’t believe you, and I can’t- I can’t explain to you what it’s like. To be completely blindsided by someone who you thought was your other half. Only for them to say that the last year and a half just isn’t what they wanted. And for you to already have determined that this wasn’t worth salvaging- god, you are so- fucking- full of it!”

Your voice is loud, attracting several onlookers but you don’t notice. You feel like you’re in a pit of hell and that you’re about to be swallowed by flames. Tears of frustration, anger and hurt are dotting your eyes and you hate it. You hate that you’ve become this way, afraid to show vulnerability to anyone who might care about you.

“I deserved better! You know that right? You didn’t deserve me.”

She looks stunned into speechlessness and you want to turn away and turn your back on her. But you stay planted on the spot, subconsciously waiting for some semblance of regret or remorse.

You catch a flicker of it but it passes, and you wonder how you could have loved a person this much and still have known nothing about them.

“I’m sorry I ended things the way I did. I didn’t want to hurt you,” She begins and you don’t interrupt, “And I know it was selfish of me, the way I didn’t communicate with you what I wanted and needed. And led you on. I should’ve gone about it differently. And for that, I’m sorry.”

The roaring fire in your belly is slowly fading and suddenly, you’re exhausted. Your shoulders slump and you offer her a small smile.

“Did you love me? When we were together?” You ask quietly, and somehow she hears you through the chaos of the club.

You know she did. You just need to hear it from her.

“Yes, of course I did,” She murmurs, “I still care about you. I want the best for you, I really mean that. And the best for you isn’t me.”

“Likewise,” You reply and find it in yourself to wrap your arms around her for one last hug.

You expel the final death of the relationship into the air with a cathartic breath. Despite the buildup of hurt, anger, betrayal and loss from the last few months, you feel nothing but relief. You are free from the invisible cage of closure, and you finally feel your wings spreading once more.

How can it be that just a five minute interaction can put your mind at ease so quickly? You had expected lingering resentment, or lingering something… And yet, all you feel is relief. That you were able to say what you had to say.

It still boggles your mind that even though it’s been six months since the relationship ended, all you needed to fully move on was a five minute confrontation. Maybe you were mostly there anyway, though.

Maybe time does heal all wounds.

Either way, all you know is that you’re suddenly very emotionally exhausted and you’re certain it shows on your face.

Hange looks like she wants to ask you what that was all about but she keeps her mouth shut, offering you the remainder of your drink. You give her a wan smile and finish the rest of it before rubbing your temples.

“You know what. I think I’m going to head out,” You finally say, fastening your clutch tightly under your arm, “Gettin’ tired.”

You appreciate their looks of concern but honestly, you just want to wash your face, put on comfortable clothes, bury yourself under your covers and maybe cry a little.

“I’ll leave with you,” Levi says after a few seconds, “I hate this place anyways.”

Yes. He tells himself that that’s why he’s quick to leave. A small grin graces your face before you give hugs to everyone in the group and slink away to the coat check. Levi follows you out of the club to wait for a cab and you both stand in silence.

“I can get a cab home by myself,” You finally say, turning to face him.

“Okay,” Levi shrugs, “I don’t know where you live anyways.”

“Stohess district,” You reply, but your voice is far away as you turn to glance around the street, “Hey, do you want to grab food? It’s on me.”

Your dark eyes are wide, pleading and slick with loneliness. You don’t want to be left alone with your thoughts just yet. You can barely handle yourself on a good day, let alone right now.

“Sure,” Levi says. He’s not particularly hungry but he’ll entertain you anyways.

“There’s a great ramen place around here…” You say, brushing shoulders with him to lead the way.

You feel as if you’re moving on auto-pilot. Maybe you should’ve just gone home. But you don’t want to be home. You don’t want to be alone, not tonight. You’ll prolong the inevitable for just a little longer. You can’t handle being alone right now. Not yet.

Levi sits on the opposite side of you in the booth. There are several people at the restaurant but it’s relatively quiet, besides the bustle of the late night. You both sit in silence, but it’s not uncomfortable. At this angle, Levi can see signs and lines of fatigue on your face. But you still smile at him in that brilliant and disarming way, as if you hadn’t had a confrontation that had been in the works for months.

“Good, right?” You mumble, after another slurp of your ramen.

“Yeah. Tastes fresh,” Levi replies.

“It is.”

Another beat of silence.

“Thanks. For leaving the club with me. And coming with me to get food. Sorry I’m so- that I’m like this,” You murmur, looking into your ramen and continuing to eat. As if you hadn’t just apologized for your very existence.

It incenses Levi and he can’t bite his tongue.

“Who made you like that?” Levi asks casually.

“Who made me like what?” You ask with a raised eyebrow, setting your chopsticks in the bowl.

“Made you feel like you had to apologize for being yourself.”

Your eyes are wide and lips parted in surprise, “I d-don’t-”

“You don’t need to apologize for wanting company after what I’m sure was an incredibly taxing encounter with your ex-girlfriend,” Levi says bluntly, meeting your startled eyes.

You avert your gaze immediately, unable to hold his penetrating stare.

“O-Okay, Levi,” You breathe.

And you continue to eat your ramen.

“You’re not very good at pretending,” Levi observes dryly, “So don’t. Especially around your friends.”

The statement brings tears to your eyes and a dry lump to your throat. This man, who you’ve barely been a real friend to in the last few months, can read you like a book. Lately, the few times you’re reminded that you have people in your life who love you wholly and unabashedly, it brings waves of emotions you haven’t felt in a while to the forefront of your heart.

“If you’re going to cry, don’t get it in your ramen,” Levi says, voice uncharacteristically soft.

It pulls a watery noise, halfway in between a laugh and a sob, out of you. You both eat in silence, with some occasional quips thrown in between, until Levi pulls his card out to give to the waiter before you can. He moves with the speed and grace of an angel.

He’s an angel with steely eyes, dark hair and a tender heart. You’re certain of it.

tags: @simpingmaize

#levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #levi ackerman #levi #aot x reader #snk x reader

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quisqueyanavaliente · 4 years ago

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now if we turn our attention this way...

along with the shenanigans of the past couple of weeks, there’s also some good news!

i got a whole bunch of new plants! although... i got no pots for them- my house it gettin’ full lmao

i got two different caladiums! white christmas, and another dotted variety. their growing habits piss me off, but they’re so cute! and grow quite fast!

i got another ivy. i tried to identify it and the absolute closest i got was one called dark pittsburg ivy so thats what im stickin with until further notice. the leaves looks like WEED haha

i got an alocasia amazonica. its so pretty and tiny, but it has shown me 0% growth OR death since it got here two weeks ago. its... awkward?

i got a fern boi. no idea what variety. crappy ass soil i gotta save from too.

and in growth news...

the zz has come out of two YEARS of dormancy and is giving me a new stalk!! with is big crazy to me. it makes me feel like all the studying i’ve been doing has paid off!

i have two different propagations of pothos. one is silver satin, the other variegated. my variegated one gave me a nice long root and is ready to go grow long and beautiful at the house of my friend im giving it to. the other its happy or sad just shy lol not sure what to do.

my mom have me some propagations of two echeveria varieties she had. i’ve painstakingly identified them as echeveria “tippy” and echeveria colorshift (whether those name are real or not is none if my business). the tippys didn’t succeed, but the colorshift petals are my first successful succulent propagations!! wet paper towel in tupperware did the trick!

my girlfriend’s echeveria mazarine got BIG root rot so a rescue some leaves and am now successfully propagating those too.

i’ve officially replaced the anthurium red 🎺 bwa bwa. i got one from a cute local woman-owed nursery and it is way bigger and healthier that my first one. no fuckin gnats either.

and those tippys that didn’t succeed? i got a full flower of it cause they’re colors are really cute. and its teeny tiny lol.

my next mission is to repot ALL THESE FUCKIN PLANTS in to soil i make MYSELF, and get them all POTS! NICE ONES.

IM ONLY SCREAMING CAUSE ITS GONNA BE

EXPENSIVE & DIFFICULT

but lord knows i only feel fulfilled through self inflicted suffering!

#alcameso plant journey #plants #witchcraft #green witch #plant care #plantblr #witchblr #garden

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maoist-mizer · 4 years ago

Note

Galaxy, perfume, garden 👀

(Also those were some spooky supernatural stories 👁)

Galaxy: what fascinates you?

Everything. I think particularly the ocean, the stars and planets. Whatever is out there. What’s at the end of this all? Is there meaning at all or has this all just been an accident? What’s on the outside of the universe, is there an end to it? People are fascinating and it’s nice getting to know them because it’s weird sometimes to be reminded that ppl are also living their own lives through their own eyeballs and you are a part of their lives. Just everything is fascinating.

Perfume: favourite scent?

Baby powder, the sea, petrichor, a forest, weirdly enough, I do like the smell of hot water.

Garden: do you have a garden? plants?

My parents have a lot of plants in our backyard, but more so flowers than fruits/veg. We do have an English Spinach plant that just produces a shit tonne and basically doesn’t need to be taken care of. I also have my own plants in my room that sit on my windowsill. Here are my photos of them from insta lol:

Pepe: Pepe is my succulent that my English teacher gave me before I graduated (she gave one to everyone in our class) as to symbolise us growing throughout life and all that. Pepe is also the nickname for the name José, so I just named him that because it’s cute and I just like giving everything Spanish names.

Mercutio: Mercutio is a cactus that in winter will grow a little flower crown which I am excited about!!!! Mercutio was named after the character from Romeo and Juliet even though I very much despise R&J; however, when we read it for English in year 8 or something, we went to see the play at the theatre and Mercutio was instead played by a woman which 100% added to me realising I wasn’t straight. Her acting was just *chefs kiss*. I demand all of Shakespeare’s male characters be replaced with women. So yea. Not really named after the character, but more so named after the female version since she was cooler ✨😌.

Cymbaline: I don’t exactly remember what Cymbaline is, but regardless, Cymbaline isn’t named after Shakespeare’s Cymbeline, but rather named after Cymbaline from the best film ever produced, aka, Bratz Fashion Pixiez. Definitely another gay moment for young Alana. But anyways. Bratz is cooler than Shakespeare. There is no room for argument.

Tallulah: Tallulah I believe is called something along the lines of bear paws, which makes sense since.... y’know.... it looks like it has bear paws. And they’re really soft and fluffy too. Tallulah is just a cool name which is why I chose it. Nothing much to it. I like it a lot so don’t be surprised if a new OC gets named that lol. I wanted to name her Clementine but I realised that would be confusing since Clementine is an actual plant too.

Thanks for the ask 👉🏼👈🏼🥺 and lol I’m glad u enjoyed my spoopy stories ✨😌💖

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dvinefem · 5 years ago

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[ ARIANA GRANDE / KALLOS / CHARIS / MUSE 26 ] / [ GIADA VITALE ] is a [ TWENTY ONE ] year old [ FASHION DESIGN ] major. [ SHE ] is known for being [ VIBRANT & NURTURING ] but [ GUARDED & VAIN ]. when i think of them, i imagine [ SKETCHBOOKS AND FABRIC SWATCHES, THE LINGERING SCENT OF FRESHLY SMUDGED PALO SANTO, SUCCULENTS ADORNING A WINDOWSILL ]. and even though they’re a proud HU student now, we all have our roots. theirs run back to them being a [ MHP ( AQUA ) ] graduate. i asked around and it turns out they [ AREN’T ] an AOP student. in their interview, they managed to woo the admissions team by [ PRESENTING SOME PROTOTYPES FROM A MOCK-UP CLOTHING LINE ]. i guess that’s all there is to know! unless…

✧ °˖ — hi there folks ! it’s me, your friendly neighborhood ki. i’m super duper excited for this to start asdfghj. ok ok onto the intro.

G E N E R A L !

FULL NAME: giada marie vitale

NICKNAMES: gigi, gi

BIRTHDATE: october 1st 1998

STAR SIGN: libra

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: pansexual

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: panromantic

LABEL: charis ( grace )

SUBPLOT: muse 26 ( not a catfish , only a shark )

S C H O O L I N G !

MHP HOUSE: aqua ( authentic, imaginative, intuitive )

HU HOUSE: kallos ( aesthetics, imagination, elegance, creation )

MAJOR: fashion design

CLUBS: forces of nature club president, artistic horizons member, eleusinian circle member

S I M I L A R I T I E S !

BROOKE DAVIS ( one tree hill ) , CAROLINE FORBES ( the vampire diaries ) , ALICE ( alice in wonderland ) , ELLE WOODS ( legally blonde ) , also a touch of MISTY DAY ( american horror story )

T R A I T S !

+ vibrant , nurturing ,confident

- guarded , vain , coquettish

I N F O !

giada was the only child born to two high profile italian lawyers who didn’t exactly have much time for her. so, an in-house nanny was their prime solution.

practically raised by a kind woman named antonella, a nanny who took care of her every whim until the age of 16.

she doesn’t talk about her home life with many people — not relating to anybody who has a close relationship with their parents. whenever she mentions her mum, she’s usually referring to antonella.

being an only child with busy parents meant having tons of hobbies. antonella had a bit of a green thumb, so the two were often found out in the garden for hours on end. the nanny went into extensive detail with giada about every plant known to mankind. she ended up taking a liking to it. when night fell, antonella would set up a blanket beneath the the stars — teaching her all of the constellations names.

her nanny also taught her palm and tarot reading — an art giada’s practiced for years. a pretty cool party trick she whips out often.

very vocal about her big dreams of being a luxury designer, she’ll talk your ear off about colors, ask you for your opinion on swatches.. basically you’ll probably have to tell her to hit the road lmao.

while her parents wished she’d take a more practical route like they had, gigi has always had an actively creative mind and a passion for fashion ( bratz anyone ?? ). always in her room talking to her succulents — filling sketchbooks with designs and sewing away. i should note that she’s also into eco-friendly fashion and will be v upset if she sees anyone wearing REAL fur. faux fur only, pls.

although she’s a very spiritual and grounded person, giada can tend to be a tad vain. the way she looks is extremely important to her, obviously.

she has a taste for all things beautiful. refined, sophisticated, and graceful are her design aesthetics.

huge dreams for such a small girl, but she’s ready and willing to do anything to manifest them into a reality.

chanel’s classic and feminine aesthetic would be her cup o’ tea any day over gucci.

even if she doesn’t mean to, she can come off a bit bitchy at times as well. she’ll tell it like it is.. but still ask you to grab froyo with her after. she just wants everyone to be the best version of themselves. being unkind to anyone is NEVER her intention. she’d do ANYTHING for the people she cares about most.

pretty much the mom friend in any squad, wanting to take care of everyone else before her self.

it should be noted that she’s a bit guarded and won’t open her entire soul up to many people anymore due to the aftermath of her subplot ! ( peep her subplot on the main for more details here )

also president of the forces of nature club.. so if she sees you with single use plastic of any kind she’s gonna be offended lol.

C O N N E C T I O N S !

ok i know i’m a werido & can’t make a SIMPLE list. a lot of my inspo for a muse goes hand in hand with music SO.. listed below are some wanted connections with a tiny description we can expand on, and it’s correlating song/vibe ! hmu if you’re feelin’ any of them

..and ofc, feel free to suggest other connections that aren’t here ! i’m always very open ! give me frenemies, give me rivals give me aNGST ! pls

THERE FOR YOU // MARTIN GARRIX & TROYE SIVAN

( familial bff / cousin ) -- 00/01

pretty self explanatory here ! either a hardcore best friend that’s so close that they may as well be family, OR ! a legitimate cousin who is basically sibling at this point. i’m open to either option ! they have each others backs through thick and thin, and surely tell each other aLMOST everything. gimmie gimmie.

BEST ON EARTH // RUSS FEAT. BIA

( hookup / fwb ) -- 00/01

note ! this spot can be filled by any muse, as giada identifies as pansexual ! we can iron out the details of how this came about together. perhaps they were friends prior, or it just happened out of the blue at a party one night & it’s just been convenient to continue. just remember.. the biggest rule of a casual hookup ?? don’t catch feelings. but.. we’ve all seen the movies.

IF THE WORLD WAS ENDING // JP SAXE FEAT. JULIA MICHAELS

( ex-boyfriend ) -- 00/01

your typical angsty first love situation. possibly dated for a few years ( in high school or more recently in uni ), they ended up realizing that it just wasn’t working. even though they had love for each other, the pair had to split up. “ i know, you know, we know were weren’t meant for each other and it’s fine. ” they both knew it was just better that way. and now.. they just can’t seem to shake the feelings they had. “ but if the world was ending, you’d come over right ? ” asdfghg gIVE IT TO ME.

GOOD AS HELL // LIZZO

( squad ) -- 00/03

i’ll leave three spots open for this connection because what’s better than a squad ?? NOTHING ! any gender is welcome, of course ! giada is naturally a pretty friendly person ( unless you cross her, people she loves, or are straight up disrespectful ), but when it comes to her main gang -- she’s a ride or die kind of gal. your greatest hypeman. the mom friend. she’ll have your back no matter what, and you can count on that.

#✧ °˖ — Ｇ．ＶＩＴＡＬＥ / ( introduction )#hatchet:intro #this is trash and all over the place but pls love me

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theblekromantik · 6 years ago

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Rebirth -- 1

a/n: hello loves! ive written somethinnnnnnnngg im kinda excited about it bc i struggle with writing usually but i wrote this quicker than everything else ive done. i hope you enjoy! (dont mind while i flex my four years of french on you lol)

word count: 1.1k

warnings: none

post-infinity war! pre-endgame! oc!reina fennel

“Ugh!” The woman exclaims. In front of her, there is an open document, which is blank except for a word written in a small front: « Sans titre » and under it, « Reina Fennel ».

Wide shot. The room is dark except for the glowing light of the computer and subtle streaks of dusk creeping in from closed blinds. And further, there are coffee cups. Several coffee mugs. Some tall, some short, some knocked over, some resting on unconventional surfaces, like the fish tank across the room. Reina shifts in her seat, and papers crumble: the scrapped ideas of yesterday rendering only useful as an uncomfortable seat cushion. It is clear that she has been at this for a considerable amount of time, perhaps days.

She exclaims once more, and BANG! Her hand goes on the smooth metal of the computer’s surface. She holds her head in her hands, pulling at the satin scarf tied around her hair.

I need a break, Reina tells herself, deciding to ignore the draft altogether. Rubbing her tired eyes, she emerges from her place on the couch and heads to the kitchen. She waters the small succulents on the small windowsill before filling the kettle and putting it on the hot stove. This is her life. And as mundane as it is, Reina loves it. She’s a plant mother, and there’s no duty more rewarding that.

KNOCK! KNOCK! Zoom on the door to her apartment.

She scrunches her eyebrows, curious as to who may be at the door, for since after The Great War, Reina decided to move out of the country to someplace on the outskirts of Paris. And she rarely had visitors.

« Qui est là ? » She inquires, grabbing a wooden baseball bat from behind the fridge and creeping her way to the door.

No response.

« Allô ? » But still, nothing. She grips the bat even tighter, her hands sure to form callouses the next day.

The knob to the door begins shaking as a dull whirring begins to sound from the outside.

Slowly, she begins to reach for the handle, but –

BOOM! The door bursts from its hinges on the wall and makes a deafening splat onto the ground. And through the specks of dust, there is nothing other than a battered robot with an “A” imprinted onto its left breast. The Avengers A. And subsequently, Tony Stark, appears from behind it. Grey hair grows from his temples and the wrinkles adjacent to his eyes have only become deeper, more prominent as he smiles a tight smile at her.

“Took you long enough,” He remarks, entering her home by stepping onto the fallen door.

“T-Tony?” Reina stammers, the bat colliding with the ground.

It has been years since she saw him last. Since her friends had been evaporated into nothing but dust. And in these years, Rei tried to put the past behind her, purging the memories and nightmares of Thanos snapping his golden-clad thumb, Vision taking his last breath before exploding into thin air, and the grasslands of Wakanda no longer green and vibrant but drenched in red blood. Not only the blood of her enemies, but also her own teammates. And she succeeded. She really did, becoming a writer at a popular French newspaper, Le Parisien. But Tony’s presence sends all of it crashing back, an ache forming in her mind.

Looking back at her, he shrugs, “I’ll have it replaced.”

Beat. Tony says, “I love what you’ve done with the place. Real homey.”

She should respond, but the words are trapped in her throat. So, she stares, studying him as he walks from her kitchen to her living area, picking up pictures in their frames along the way.

“Well,” He begins. “You’re welcome. You know, this is no way to treat a guest, Rei.”

But she can only look at him with disbelief. “How did you find me?”

He doesn’t answer. “I really do love what you have here, Rei, really.” A decoration on the wall catches his eye. “See! A poster that says,” He picks it up, « Ècrire, c’est une façon de parler sans être interrompu. » You’re a writer now? You? Assassin to…writer is quite a demotion, don’t you think?”

Zoom on the kettle as it screeches loudly from the kitchen, but Reina doesn’t break her concentration on the man.

“How did you find me?” She repeats, growling, each word more ferocious than the last.

“You can’t expect that it was difficult. I mean, with my technology and the fact that you didn’t even change your name…You must’ve wanted me to find you. Tea?” Tony sets two mugs on the kitchen table and pours them full of green tea.

“If I did, I would’ve never left. Now leave.”

“Can’t, sorry.”

“I swear, if you don’t leave, I’m calling the police.” Heat brews within her, her skin becoming hot.

“You can’t call the police if you don’t have a phone, N’est-ce pas?” He, with his head, instructs the robot to cut the cord connected to her landline.

“Then I’ll go.” Reina grabs her black leather jacket from the coatrack and makes her way to the door. She shrugs it on, the cool of the jacket doing little to pacify her.

“Stop her,” he orders the robot, it blocking the space in front of the entryway. “You have to hear me out.”

“I don’t have to do anything.”

“Please,” he begs, his voice full of desperation, “Just sit.”

Reina eyes him, dubiously. She hadn’t seen Tony this distressed since before the battle, in his lab, sleep deprived, scanning over mission strategies and sketches for new weapons and uniforms. But finally—

She sits from across him, cupping the steaming mug of tea.

It is silent, the only sound the buzzling streets of Paris.

“Why are you here?” Reina probed, her eyes piercing into his, searching for an answer to this disruption. Truly, she didn’t want to know, for she feared the answer would further complicate her life, the life created for herself as a normal person, free from the burden of defending the human race from whatever domestic or galactic threat came its way.

“We have a problem. And I need your help.” There it is.

Reina didn’t care about what he needed. The day left she knew what she was leaving behind. She couldn’t stand the pain and grief painted her teammates faces, knowing that everyone gone would never come back. The only thing she regretted leaving was Steve, her heart throbbing every time she thought of him and the love they shared. But after a year, that feeling faded. She convinced herself that it was all for the best. They all just had to understand that she was never going back.

She marches to her the bedroom—

“Reina!”

—and shuts the door.

Sans titre – without title; untitled

Qui est là ? – Who’s there?

Allô ? – hello?

Ècrire, c’est une façon de parler sans être interrompu. -- Writing is a way to talk without being interrupted. (Jules Renard)

N’est-ce pas ? – isn’t it so?; right?

#oc!reina fennel #marvel #infinity war #original character #post-infinity war #avengers #avengers x reader #endgame #pre-endgame #black!oc #black!reader #poc!#poc!reader #black woman reader #black #marvel fandom #kris writes

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desperationandgin · 6 years ago

Note

Fic request set in the "Market Price" universe because I LOVE IT SO MUCH. So we know Claire is stubborn as it is, but I see sick Claire as a force to be reckoned with LOL! Would love a little ficlet of her coming down with a bad case of the flu, cue Jamie having to convince her to just STOP and rest until she's eventually just a pathetic blob too weak to get out of bed. D: Lots of Jamie pampering her? :D

Thank you for the prompt, I hope you like this, love!

Market Price, companion piece.

Sick Day

Also read on: AO3

“Do I have to tie ye to the bed then, Fraser?”

Claire’s eyes narrow as she looks at her (new) husband across the bed. “It isn’t that bad, Jamie. I’ll get Tamiflu and be on my way.”

“I’m no’ the doctor here, but doesn’t that only work if ye start taking it right when ye notice the symptoms?”

“You definitely aren’t the doctor,” she retorts, not answering the question, but standing too quickly and immediately sinking back down on the end of the bed when she stumbles.

That’s enough for Jamie to get up and kneel in front of her, taking her shoes out of her hands. “Ye’re no’ going.”

She groans and bats at his arm. “I have surgeries today,” she weakly protests, using him now to brace herself as she stands and lets out a breath, moving past him to get another pair of shoes, looking a little smug about seeming to outsmart him.

“Oh, and do ye think those people may no’ be grateful to not have a doctor breathing the flu at them?” Jamie reaches out, pressing a hand to her forehead. “Ye’re burnin’ up, Claire. Call it.”

There’s another groan, more groaning than talking, really, and she drops the shoes. “Fine. One day. And stop trying to talk like a doctor.”

“We’ll re-assess in the morning. I’m staying wi’ ye today. I’ll watch more Grey’s for my education.”

“God, Jamie, I don’t need a babysitter, I’m perfectly capable of--”

“Where are ye going wi’ that succulent?” he asks, raising his eyebrow and nodding at the cylindrical vase in her hand.

Claire looks at it, then the water bottle right next to where the plant usually sits, same approximate shape, before looking at Jamie. “Don’t read into that, it means nothing.”

“What it means is you’re no’ thinking straight. No’ really the best of mindsets for a surgeon, Sassenach.” He moves to her and gently takes the vase from her, putting it down and kissing her forehead. “Ye take today and I’ll allow a reassessment tomorrow. Agreed?”

She thinks about it for a moment, notes the way her muscles ache, the way she feels uncomfortably hot and all that sounds nice is melting into bed. “Agreed,” she gives in, pulling her shirt over her head now and tossing it in a chair before face-planting into the bed with a long groan. “I don’t want to be ill.”

Gently, Jamie rolls her and carefully tugs her skirt off before removing her bra and slipping his own discarded sleep shirt over her head. “I know it, mo chridhe,” he murmurs. “But I’ll take good care of ye, promise.”

“Will you rub my head?” she asks giving him the most pathetic look she can muster.

“Aye. I’ll rub yer hard head. After I get back from picking ye up some proper drugs.” He knows she already pushed herself yesterday, too far gone for a prescription. “Call the hospital and make sure ye tell the Chief of Surgery I’ll tell him to go fuck himself this time if he gives ye any grief.” The man’s a hardass, Jamie dislikes him immensely, and if he had his way, Claire would have Marylebone’s job.

“I have no problem telling Clarence that myself, you know,” Claire mutters, reaching for her phone.

“Oh, I ken it but I dinna want ye to actually lose your job.” Jamie leans down and kisses her forehead. “I’ll be back soon,” he promises, leaving her to make the call she needs to. When he returns some twenty minutes later, his hands are full of bags and he makes his way to the bedroom, realizing it’s blazing hot. He sees the reason for their apartment heat set to ‘inferno’ in the form of his wife, wrapped so tightly in the comforter that only the top of her head is poking out. “Sassenach? Can ye breathe under there?”

“I can’t breathe at all and I’m freezing,” comes the muffled reply as he sits down, placing the bags at his feet and gently unwrapping her.

“I brought relief. Dayquil, Nyquil, Tylenol, Advil, soup, crackers, chapstick for your dry lips and an electric blanket so I will no’ sweat my bawls off while ye have chills. Oh, and those wee electrolyte drinks. They said it would be good for ye.”

Claire stares at him and his bounty which includes the soft nose tissue she likes. She decides not to mention that she isn’t losing fluids and so she isn’t dehydrated. “Did you leave anything for the other sick people?”

“I dinna love them,” he scoffs, bending to press a kiss to her forehead.

“I’m very lucky that you love me,” she murmurs, reaching out to lace her fingers through his before sitting up enough to let him dole out medicine to take. That done, he gets the blanket unpacked for her and it goes under the comforter which she still wraps herself in tightly. “You know in ten minutes I’ll be burning up,” Claire mumbles, closing her eyes.

“Aye, and I’ll never be so glad for something as cool air.” He makes sure there’s something to drink for her there on the nightstand, then picks up the garbage and leaves the room.

She doesn’t expect him back, already dozing when she feels the bed dip and his arms wrap around her over all of the blankets. “You’ll get sick,” she advises in weak protest.

“If I’m going to get it, Sassenach, this will no’ matter much.” He kisses the back of her head, feeling the lump of blankets moving with her breathing.

“I do love you, for the record.” Her voice is muffled and thick with the edges of sleep. “Glad you don’t love all those other people.”

Jamie kisses her again, not minding the way her curls splay across his face. “Only room in my heart for one woman wi’ the flu.”

All that she can do is hum in response before she’s out, well-loved and taken care of.

#outlander #outlander fic #jamie x claire #jamie fraser #claire fraser #market price #my fic #filledwithlight

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hazel2468 · 6 years ago

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Say hello to my newest plant! This is a Haworthia fasciata- a Zebra Succulent.

I got her from someone in my building who is moving out. It was supposed to be like $3, but instead I am going to bring my moving boxes to the lady once I am done, because she’s looking to move out after I am done moving in.

I left this lil girl on the windowsill of my new apartment- gave her a tooouch of water and put her in some nice indirect sun. I’ll be back there to see her on Saturday when the bed is delivered.

Also there was a market outside and a woman there was selling plants and fuck did that take self control lol.

#personal #moving #apartment stuff #i have plants #i am slowly becoming obsessed #but look at her!#she’s so CUTE!

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galileosunshine · 6 years ago

Note

All of them :)

Oh boy, here we go. SORRY FOR THIS BEING SO LONG ^^;;

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Coffe mugs bc I’m kinda afraid of breaking teacups or wine glasses, and I just don’t like water bottles or soda cans! XD

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Depends on my mood ^^

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

COTTON CANDY! They are magical.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

I was always the teacher’s pet ahaha

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

Glass cups!

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Formal! I don’t think I’d look good in the other styles

7. earbuds or headphones?

Aaah I love headphones but they’re expensive... so I have earbuds

8. movies or tv shows?

generally movies unless I get super invested in a tv show!

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Watermelons!

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

None of them lol (I guess I was decent at basketball)

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

Scrambled eggs and toast with strawberry jam

12. name of your favorite playlist?

I don’t really make playlists! I usually listen by album or artist!

13. lanyard or key ring?

Hmm... key ring?

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Sour skittles or sour punch straw bites!

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

East of Eden by John Steinbeck. A truly remarkable story about man’s free will in choosing good or evil

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Seiza

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

The ones I have now. They’re brown leather shoes that can pass as formal but aren’t really XD

18. ideal weather?

Sunny but cool!

19. sleeping position?

On my right side with one arm under my pillow!

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

In a notebook

21. obsession from childhood?

Idk if I have any... an interest in space?

22. role model?

My mom. She’s a strong woman

23. strange habits?

After I eat a plum I like to keep the pit in my mouth and suck on it for like... an hour.... (or more...)

24. favorite crystal?

Peacock ore (idk crystals well but on a buzzfeed quiz that’s what I picked)

25. first song you remember hearing?

My mom singing to me in Chinese “This is the day that the Lord hath made”

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Eat watermelon

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

....cuddle ^^;

28. five songs to describe you?

Aaahhh.....

Aoi Chi, and Hoshi wo Otosu by Galileo Galilei

Ashita ni wa Subete ga Owaru Toshite by Kinoko Teikoku

Mayonaka no Orchestra by Aqua Timez

Light Delight by Poppin’ Party

29. best way to bond with you?

Listen to Galileo Galilei with me... but this might be asking a bit much so I wouldn’t push it. Next would be, watching anime together? ^^;

30. places that you find sacred?

religious structures/monuments, graves and cemeteries, the usual sacred places... and anyone’s personal bookshelf.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

I don’t wanna kick ass or take names :(

32. top five favorite vines?

THERE’S TOO MANY I LIKE and I don’t keep track of them!!!

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“Hhh...” “Asghkjsdjf;as”

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

Not really, I don’t watch tv much anymore

35. average time you fall asleep?

2-3 a.m.

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

... don’t remember

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

Suitcase!

38. lemonade or tea?

depends on mood!

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon cake!

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

Idk...

41. last person you texted?

My twin

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

Jacket pockets!!!

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Hoodie or cardigan!

44. favorite scent for soap?

I like my pomegranate one rn ^^

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

oooh... sci-fi or superhero!

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

my gym shorts from middle school and a thin t-shirt XD

47. favorite type of cheese?

Gah I don’t like cheese by itself much or in large concentrations

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

I don’t know! I tried asking my friends this too but they couldn’t say either lol

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

“Never be cruel, never be cowardly, and if you ever are, always make amends.” That or, “be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

Ahhh... I can’t remember but it was probably sometime hanging out with friends

51. current stresses?

My exams hhh....

52. favorite font?

No preference ^^;

53. what is the current state of your hands?

?? mine are kinda rough and dry....

54. what did you learn from your first job?

Don’t try to take on everything by yourself.

55. favorite fairy tale?

Journey to the West (Sun Wu Kong), although this may be too long to count as a fairy tale aha...

56. favorite tradition?

The entire holiday of Christmas :D

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

The death of my dad was the hardest thing I ever had to overcome and nothing else really comes close enough to that that I can rank on the same level :(

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Learning the piano and Japanese, and ah...

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

Yay I did it!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

A soft, slowburn romantic comedy uwu

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

Aaahhh way too much to pick...

62. seven characters you relate to?

Arima Kousei (YLiA), Riko Sakurauchi (Love Live!), Sayo Hikawa (Bandori), Mabuchi Kou (Ao Haru), Nana Daiba (Revue Starlight), Takuto (Star Driver (don’t really relate but I really like him)), Kaoru (Sakamichi no Apollon)

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Pop Spice and Upper Tune by YKMM, and.... many GARNiDELiA songs

64. favorite website from your childhood?

AQWorlds....

65. any permanent scars?

It looks like a bald spot on my eyebrow. From when I tripped and bashed my head on an armchair ^^;;

66. favorite flower(s)?

Lilies, cherry blossoms, azaleas

67. good luck charms?

small trinkets that friends have given me ^^

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Asparagus for food!! and.... eggnog for drink?

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

can’t think of one XD

70. left or right handed?

Right

71. least favorite pattern?

not sure what this means... XD

72. worst subject?

probably... English lit.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

I don’t have any I’m not a very adventurous person with food XD

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

Probably like... 7 or 8

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

Waah I don’t remember!

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Waffle fries!!

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Succulents!

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

Sushi from a grocery store XD

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

I can’t make out the picture on my school id now cus it’s so faded, so... drivers license XD

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Like to wear? I find jewel tones more pleasing but... earth tones probably suit me

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

I kinda use both...

82. pc or console?

83. writing or drawing?

Writing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts

84. barbie or polly pocket?

I didn’t play with either but barbie if I had to choose!

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology!!!

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Chocolate chip cookies only and if not, cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

Being alone in life...

88. your greatest wish?

To make my friends and family happy!

89. who would you put before everyone else?

My twin brother and my significant other if I had one!

90. luckiest mistake?

um... can’t think of one

91. boxes or bags?

This is weird... they suit different situations and needs!

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Lamps

93. nicknames?

Joey mainly, but I’ve had Josie before ^^

94. favorite season?

Fall in terms of weather but summer bc no school and I can see friends!

95. favorite app on your phone?

Twitter.... or SIF

96. desktop background?

A piece of art for YLiA

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

98. favorite historical era?

Tang Dynasty China or Ancient Greece!

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theloveshackchronicles-blog · 7 years ago

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Baby #2... Terrifying?

As I mentioned in my first blog about depression and anxiety, a village raised my first born, Madden. We had so much help! Both grandma's were on board. My brother and sister were on top of it as far as being there for him when I had to work late hours or what have you. And for 6 years of his life, that's the way it's always been. No one ever complained or gave me a hard time about needing help because Madden is honestly the most easy going and chill kid to have as company. I never had to worry about leaving him with my family because they just adored him so much and everyone who loved me knew I was hustling. I rarely hung out or did things on the days I had my son unless it was work.

Our custody agreement was LIT! I would have Madden from Wednesday to Saturday at 5. So for a few years, I had the weekend off from being a mom in a way. If I wasn't working a weekend, I was out! I became really close with a family who welcomed me as their own. We lost touch over the years but I will never forget them. We partied every Saturday night! We took river trips in the summer and literally had adventures every chance we could. It was so dope that I could still enjoy my life although I was a mom. Everyone made it seem like your life would be over once you had a kid but divorce and custody didn't mark that as true for my situation. If I was dating someone or "talking" to someone, they knew that wed-sat was off limits. Don't ask to see me. Don't ask to meet my son. You can't even come into my apartment. Because the man of that place is my son. For the most part, they respected that because.... um how can you not?

Madden and mommy....my sidekick... my protector...my FRED! I swore I couldn't share that love with anyone else. Madden molded me into the woman I am. He and I grew together and made life discoveries together. Him and I have an amazing bond. People feel it right away when they are near us. He's truly the better part of who I am. The best part!!

Time passes, I move back home with my mom. I had major goals to reach starting the winter of 2015. That is when I started therapy and shaved all my fucking hair off like a lunatic. I had big plans to turn over a new leaf and my mother was so cool about me coming back. She wanted me to save all my chickens and get me enrolled in a first time homebuyer program. She also encouraged me to get back into school (sounded good but we all know I hate school so suck it lol) I was feeling on top of the world and my new platinum buzz cut made me feel like a super human. People would just stare at me...ALL...THE...TIME.

A little while after the New Year, 2016 is when I rekindled my relationship with my now Fiancé, Justin. We had been together for 3 years prior to our reconnection. Broke up for 3 and then out of literally NOWHERE... I get a private message from him. I won't write what he said verbatim because I like some memories of us to be private. But lets just say my heart dropped to the ground. I thought he had forgotten about me. We were so amazing together the first time around but a lot of circumstances surrounding us weren't very ideal. We would find ourselves fighting constantly. Then family issues got out of hand so I was like "I am done, I need to focus on me and my son" and for 3 years we left each other alone.

After reading his message, I thought "why not?" After the first time we hung out, all we wanted to do was see each other. We quickly connected as if no time had passed. Plus, I started seeing such amazing growth in him that was so attractive. I fell in love all over again. He encouraged me to start photography as a hobby. So I did and thank him for pushing me because my camera is so special to us now. JC... back at it!!!

In April, I go on a Miami trip with my mom and sister for my mothers 60th Birthday! I was suchhhhhh a bitchhhhhhh on that vacation. I couldn't eat. Well let me rephrase. I couldn't eat meat! The smell, the texture, the preparation would make me soooooooo fucking sick! My mom made me a sandwich with ham and I almost cut her face off. I would get dizzy spells and needed to throw up every hour. Welp...... that was the start of my parasite, Baby Ace lmao!! I thought maybe I had gotten food poisoning or maybe the big yellow python I had around my neck earlier gave me some snake flu? Fuck, I didn't know what was up.

From April to December when Ace was born, I was the worst person to be around. I cut off my best friend in the entire world because I felt she hated me pregnant, I stayed in my home the entire time because I was always so sick and embarrassed from puking in public. I was so paranoid and thought my family was mad that I was going to have another baby and felt like they all thought it was too soon. It was ALL in my head because everyone was so cool about it. It was me who had this guilty feeling like why would I do this again? Especially after having such a calm pregnancy with Madden to this fucking horror scene every day? Ughhhhhh... my skin was gross, my hair looked like a chia pet and I didn't feel sexy or pretty anymore. This time around was horrible. It made Justin and I dislike each other very much for a while. But I couldn't help it. I was panicking. (We also had to endure a lot of BULLSHIT while I was pregnant and even some time after the baby was born BUT I will not get into that.... I am still very upset about it) Let's just say... FAMILY can be CRUEL!! That's all I can say. CRUEL!

Annnnyway!!!! I had a lot of worry and for good reason. Worry plus hormones... you do the math! I was not ok. Justin and I busted ass to prepare for our boy. We didn't want a baby shower because we literally started buying shit the day we found out. Target was at our doorstep every day for about 3 months. Like I said earlier, I felt like everyone was against us so I didn't want to inconvenience anyone by making them buy me a gift and come to my baby shower. We had it covered. But we were convinced to have one against our wishes and then left to plan it ourselves. (rolls eyes... exactly what we wanted to avoid) but we did it and glad we did because we got to see close past friends we hadn't seen in a while and even some family came by to show love and support which is ALWAYS WONDERFUL. Our theme was "Let Love Grow" We had started our garden that summer as a trial run for the large one we had planned for the Spring after Ace was born. We had big plans to plant, grow and make our own baby food. So Let Love Grow was perfect! We gave out little cacti and succulents as Thank You favors. I thought it was so cute! Some of our friends still have those cacti. I am proud of those who kept them alive because I am no good at keeping plants alive. Good for you guys!!!

I "nested" for monthhhs lol! My nerves for starting over again were insane!!! I felt like I was new at this. It had been almost 8 years since having a baby. All the baby items changed. Everything that was once safe in 2009 is now banned and no longer safe or proper for a child. I couldn't just get back on the bike. There was a whole new parenting curriculum to adhere to and I was not prepared. I just didn't want to fail. I wanted to do everything right. I wanted to give my all. I wanted to have all my bases covered. And drove myself crazy trying to get there. I still ain't there. In fact, parenting comes and goes day by day. Yes, being a new mother was terrifying but after I realized that I cannot control everything that happens and decided to let the universe guide me, I was able to relax. Justin is one hell of a father too. He is always there. He is always coming up with ways to make things easier for us. And Ace is obsessed with dada.

Unlike parenting Madden, I am with Ace all the time. We as a family are with each other all the time. There is nothing more fulfilling than having my boys with me and being the mom I am to them. I love making my home comfy and warm for my loves. I LOVE being their mommy and I LOVE being a wife.

My life is far from over. I thank God because I feel like it has just begun.

If you're childless and wondering if you should have a kid. Think about where you're at mentally. Not age wise. Don't put a time clock on it. Be realistic with who YOU are. If you're still in your selfish stage, don't have a kid. It will be a burden to you if you can't balance out your personal life and your home life.(they're two totally different things so always remember that)

If you're pregnant for the first time and scared, I promise you...it's ok! Your little human was made FOR YOU! There is nothing that kid can do that you aren't designed to handle, baby!

And if your destiny doesn't include kids, that's fine too! I know it plays with your heart when you see all these pregnant friends and celebs on your social media accounts. I swear, after I had baby number two is when the baby boom took offfffff! I didn't think people wanted to raise kids in this nasty world but boy was I wrong. I SEE PREGO'S everywhere lol! Congrats to any expecting moms or dads who are reading this by the way!!! But if your world is ok without kids, that doesn't make you less of a woman. It doesn't make you cold or selfish. Its all good to not want kids. I'm sure there are some kids in your world who love you and cant wait for your visits. Trust me, you matter to some kid out there! You will have an impact on our future. Just in a different way. That's all.

Baby boy turns 1 on the 22nd and his birthday party is tomorrow. I am so emotional because this year flew by for me. Daddy doesn't think so but I feel like I was just pregnant and miserable yesterday. I feel as though my little boy shot up before my very eyes. He has a smile full of teeth. He walks like a champ and even tries to talk to us. Its going too quickly for my little heart to catch up. I will be a wreck tomorrow because this year has been a mix of such scary, loving, exciting, stressful and eye opening experiences I have ever had!!! I have changed so much. My life is soooo different now and I just thank God for giving me another chance.

To Madden and Ace,

I promise to be your guiding star and your soft spot to land when times are great and when times are not so great. I promise to love you for all that you are and for all that you will be. You boys are the highlight of all my days and the constant dream in all my nights. You're both so special to me and I thank you for saving me. I thank God for picking me for you two. I love you boys more than life itself. I love you guys more than there are stars in the galaxy. I love your smiles and your laughter. I love how silly you both are because I KNOW I AM YOUR MOMMY when you do weird shit. I love when you hear music and start to dance. I love when you don't feel so well and look for me and my love more than usual. I love your eyes, your skin and your hair. Your smell! Gosh, motherhood is the most special thing I can call mine!

-it's SCARY but it's WORTH IT

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sashaloriene · 7 years ago

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Solo But Not So Strange

A few weeks ago, I decided to try something new and different. I felt a need to just get out. I had been cooped up in my tiny apartment long enough and needed some excitement. One thing that I noticed was that I'm constantly running into the remnants of my two dead plants in my apartment. Yes I love flowers, but love them even more when they’re withered. They don’t really feel or look dead to me – they’re still beautiful, just in a different way. Weird, I know. Symbolically, it was time to get a new plant, but it was more so stepping out and purchasing one. Little did I know that that time would soon come!

I randomly logged onto Living Social and started scrolling through the activities list. I thought, "I'm going to do something!" Nothing caught my eye until I saw an ad for Plant Nite. How timely and strangely ironic! I never heard of Plant Nite before but I saw green, wine, and an amethyst stone in the mix so I was sold. Without thinking, I purchased my voucher and was super excited! I hit up a few friends who I thought would be interested but somehow, our schedules refused to align. Do I wait until I can find another partner or just go by myself? More specifically, do I drag someone else who wouldn’t normally go/be interested or go by myself and risk being awkward and/or invisible and potentially hating the entire experience? To be honest, the thought of both weren’t very appealing and have ended badly more times than not.

I went back and forth with myself about it for… a day haha! Then I decided that I’m not waiting on anybody else to do something that I want to do! I am all I need and will not miss out on this opportunity. I may be socially awkward, but I’ve been itching to do more solo excursions over the past several months anyways. It’s so awesome doing things with friends, but I also need to be able to enjoy my own company and meet new people; after all, I am looking for my home.

So I booked it the following Thursday night without following up with anybody and went by myself! I parked, took three deep breaths and walked in AWKWARD AS ALL HELL, haha. I immediately made my way to the bar after signing in to scope out the environment. The Plant Nite host stopped me in my tracks to let me know that I could order at the tables and to grab a seat. Mission foiled. Naturally, I looked around and went towards the seat where no one else was sitting. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the company of their friends and not too aware of anything else. So I picked my seat and smiled nervously at whomever I made eye contact with. Lucky for me, another woman came by herself and welcomed me to sit by her. She was a delight, very friendly. Soon I felt super comfortable in my awkwardness and started having fun talking to everyone at the table, which ended up filling up shortly after.

Plant Nite was so much fun! The best decision I’ve made in a while - stepping out of comfort zone in a new environment by myself. It's also cool to know that succulent plants are thicker and retain water more than regular plants. They only need water about once a week, require minimal light, and can last for multiple years! So it should take a bit of time before I see its withered leaves. Not sure if that means anything specific to me or not but the whole experience was super dope! The only downer was that it ended at about 8:15 PM and I didn’t want to go back to my empty apartment. I just had created such a dope assortment of stones in my succulent terrarium and wanted to continue my high. I asked a few friends who lived in the area if they wanted to go to one of the nearby bars. They were all busy. So now, do I go home or go to the bar by myself?

On to destination #2 of course! I walked two blocks to a bar I frequent in hopes of continuing stride of patronizing new places by myself and meeting new people. I looked around and soon realized it was still pretty early and empty. I had no intention of staying out too late since I had to go to work the next day. After about 20 minutes of walking around not trying to stick out like a sore thumb, I said, "fuck it," took my seat to at bar and ordered a drink! I made it this far so I might as well live in the moment. For some reason, even though I didn’t talk to anybody other than the bartenders, I was oddly happy. I felt creative and full. So many Ideas were coming from every direction for new paintings, posts, and projects! My notes section in my phone tried to keep up lol.

In those moments, I realized what lesson I needed to learn that night. I enjoyed my own company and thoughts. I was enough. My presence was enough. I didn't need anybody else to be happy and in the moment. That’s all I was really looking for that night. I didn’t even realize that more people had come until I left for home about an hour and a half later. I was in my own world paying attention to no one but my thoughts. Although I was solo, I wasn’t so strange (at least in my opinion haha). I didn’t feel sad or out of place. That night, I really liked myself – my awkwardness, my new plants, my filled notes section, and my quirky encounters. I was proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone and doing something for myself on my own time.

I gained something better than meeting a guy or new friends. I saw my own growth. Honestly, this time last year, I probably would’ve have left or cried in the bathroom. My social anxiety was, and sometimes still is, just that bad. It has stopped me from many opportunities in the past. For years I tried to be “less strange” and even stopped going out and doing new things unless I had a friend with me to make me more confident and sure. I created my security blanket and comfortable wore it like a cloak of honor. I’ve been trying to break out of that codependency and fear to be more self-assured in my skin.

It took me a long time to accept that I will always be awkward/strange to some degree and that there is absolutely nothing’s wrong with that lol. That night was confirmation that I’m focusing less on how others perceive me and more about how I feel/show up in the moment and groove in my own vibes. My tribe will stumble into my life soon enough, but it starts with me and what I give off.

So will I continue to go to bars by myself? No, probably not too often, haha. But will I continue to step out of my comfort zone and embrace myself? Hell yeah, as much as possible!

0 notes

coordinatesofher · 7 years ago

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WALKING IN A DESERT WONDERLAND

I had been traveling quite a bit for a few months at this point, back to back, with little breaks in between. I had just made it back into LA only to stay a few days before taking a red eye to New Orleans for Christmas break. I had been working around the clock and was utterly burnt out, but despite my tired eyes, I gathered myself together for a dinner that my sister had arranged. It was a meeting with a designer that she was convinced I needed to help me with COH°.

I was drowning in article ideas, content creation, and company expansion prospects. I had a vision and lots of dreams, but I was a one woman show... an exhausted one at that. But, here I was sitting across from this talented young creative, Macie Menard. Even with my brain working at half capacity, it was easy to see that she was bright, smart, and a hard worker. Also, she had a calming spirit about her which was a great yin to my crazy yang.

There was never a lull in the conversation. We hit it off. We had a lot in common in terms of interests, design aesthetic, and website ideas. And, most importantly, she loved food. We spent at least an hour just discussing our favorite foods and restaurants. That was all I needed to know. She was my kind of people. I was thoroughly impressed with her. My sister had been right. Macie was my girl.

I offered her a job and a trip to Los Angeles the following month. I knew I would know everything I needed to know about her if I traveled with her. And, of course, for better or for worse, she would learn a lot about me and how I work and travel. Soooo, we set out on a weekend adventure together and did everything from mountain hikes to greenhouse exploring in the desert. Needless to say, the road trip was a blast, and we have continued to work together for the past 7 months.

I have come to discover that not only is Macie an incredible designer and a brilliant talent, but she is also a constant source of light in my life. Every Monday, without fail, we send each other long emails that we now affectionately call our "Coffee Chats." We basically both rant about life, the past weekend, ideas for the website, or random things that are inspiring us. I have come to look forward to those emails and to our weekly Skype chats about design and content creation.

Most of the graphics on this website are ideas that we both collaborate on together. Then, Macie makes them all magically come to life. Aside from graphic designing, she has also developed article ideas like our upcoming "Beauty Buys" article, and she has helped me in countless other ways to grow COH°. I have never thought of her as an employee. In my mind, she is a colleague and a friend that I work with on this vision we have come to define together.

Suffice to say, I was completely delighted to sit down and chat with her about our deep love for Los Angeles, working together at COH°, and, of course, our adventure weekend last February. Exploring California and visiting the Cactarium together was the pinnacle of everything we have come to stand for at COH°... "road trips, friendships, and a damn good plant photo." Yep, I just found my life's mantra. I'm going to need that on a t-shirt ASAP. Anyway, read more from us below!

xoxo,

Here is my interview with Macie Menard on her thoughts about LA culture, California adventures, and, of course, the Cactarium:

Can you tell our readers a little about yourself?

I'm a self-taught graphic designer living in Louisiana. I'm married to my best friend/favorite travel buddy, and we have an English Bulldog named Ivy...who eats EVERYTHING.

How did you end up in California?

Well, it didn’t take much convincing. I had just recently joined the COH° team, so I made the trip out to LA in order to get to know my new boss a little more...well a lot more haha!

Girl, we got to know each really well within the first 20 mins of you being in LA. It is a hilarious story, but, we will keep it just between us for now! (lol)

Yeah, it was definitely an ice breaker!

So, I can't remember, had you been to Cali before?

Oh yes. I was there almost 2 years ago, but this visit made me emotional. When I flew into Los Angeles the sun was setting and the sky was pink. I literally shed a tear and thought: 'I would move here in a heartbeat. It feels like home.'

I feel that every time I land. I completely understand. It is such a weird, quirky city, but for whatever reason, it’s the place I feel the most at home or the most myself rather. You know my vote on you moving.

Yes, I know! It's more than a feeling (unintentional Journey reference about my journey to LA). For lack of a better word, LA is so inspiring. I love the city. Most people are disenchanted with the noise, traffic jams, and overpopulation, but I can totally look past all that. I like being in the mix of it all, but still being invisible in the crowds and in my own little world.

Honestly, that is my favorite part too. Nothing makes me happier than going to the grocery store and no one knows who I am. That anonymity is something I have come to love. What else is it about LA that really just sprinkles your donuts?

I also like that if you need a get away or want a change of scenery, it's just a drive and/or hike away. I still can't believe that the first morning in LA, I was hiking a mountain. In the afternoon, I was walking on a beach. The very next day we were snow tubing up in the mountains, and by that night we were in the desert and on the outskirts of Palm Springs. Mind. Blown.

Yeah, I definitely kept you on-the-go. You got a true 'Kristi Bailey - COH° experience'!

And, I loved every minute of it!

So, speaking of Palm Springs.... let's chat about the Cactarium!

OH! It was like walking in a desert version of Alice in Wonderland!

Thats a great way to describe it actually. I love that. It was such a wonderfully weird place.

Oh yes. I was in heaven. Shoutout and a huge “thank you!” to the amazing Anna Gumpert for finding this place. There were cacti and succulents everywhere.

Some people might say that it was plantastic.

Yes, some people who love dad jokes. (I'm sure most dad's wouldn't miss the opportunity to say plantastic. #CactusJokesOnPoint) Oh, that reminds me, I love that within our first 24 hours together, we spent time planting succulents on your rooftop patio. It was my kind of bonding experience!

We planted so many plants that afternoon. And, I’ve only managed to kill half of them so thats a big win for me. I’m sad I lost the others. It really succs... see what I did there ;) Don't worry. I've got plenty more where that came from. Anyway, it was nice to share my succulent obsession with someone with an equal or possibly greater obsession.

My obsession actually started at a young age. My great-grandmother had a gigantic pot of Echeveria. I had never seen a plant like it before. I sat there in awe as she cracked open a petal to show me it’s jelly-like filling and shared with me the perks of it’s low-maintenance and reproducing nature. It was then that I decided that when I grew up, I wanted to be a plant lady.

I actually lost you a few times in the gardens. You were totally in your element.

I really loved it there. When we got to the end of our journey through the cacti forest, there was a nursery with a selection of plants for sell. Of course, I had to get plants to go! The owner and his wife were there to give us the history of his father’s garden. They also assured me that my mini plants were allowed on the plane. (Travel tip: Plants are allowed to fly out of California, but not in.)

Yes, you can take anything on a plane out of Cali, but you can't bring things into the state. It functions as its own country in that way. Once, I saw a woman carry a whole raw Trader Joes turkey on a plane out of LA so I'm thinking a succulent is fine. Anyway, were you nervous about taking the plants in flight?

I was still a nervous wreck, and did not want to get my plants taken away from me, so I wrapped them up and hid them in my laptop bag for the whole flight. They made it home, and I still have one healthy cactus to start my future cactarium.

OMG! Please start one!!! That would be both hilarious and amazing. Anyway, thank you for chatting with me! I’m so glad you “pricked” to be a part of the COH° team. It feels great to go from a 'cacti to a cactus.'

Honestly, ‘aloe’ working with you. Let’s stick together.

I do wish you lived here. Everything succs without you.

I will never desert you.

Wow. We are such succas' for plant puns! Macie, thank you so much for taking the time to chat about our experience at the Cactarium. I know we both loved it. Let's start planning our next adventure! I'm thinking passport this time! COH° gotta get those stamps!

#CACTARIUM #PALM SPRINGS #CALIFORNIA

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