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#she's probably forgotten me already
irritablepoe · 9 months
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Only Poe and I would come up with the idea to write a book for our rivals to read and it turning out to be for nothing after all
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add1ctedt0you · 9 months
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Me, with the unpopular opinion that, in a wq lives au, where wq marries jc, novel canon wwx is not taking well the news about chengqing marriage
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butmakeitgayblog · 6 months
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Lotd have mer y ADC looks so good with her new selfie. And she’s posting flowers as usual 🥹
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And wearing a white shirt. I'll say this, you can't accuse the girl of not staying consistently on brand 🥴
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I will say also, she's never escaping the Victoria Pedretti doppleganger allegations any time soon (although I guess it'd be the other way around since she's older. Whatever) Anyway they neeeeeeed to play sisters at some point cuz what the actual fuck are we doing here like what is the point of all this if that never happens
#anon#I'm sorry in advance but that last one gives me overwhelming AWTR vibes#Lexa's not much of a selfie taker by nature. she just doesn't see the point. “I know what I look like already Clarke-#i don't need to thousand pictures to remind myself. i bet I could even pick myself out of a lineup. no help needed“#cuz she's also a little smartass ya see#but this feels like such a AWTR Lexa thing to do#to have this little disposable camera that she takes with her on their trips - their honeymoon. their rides along the coast. apple picking.#and she just... takes pictures. of anything she feels like. moments that obviously meant something to her#or that's what Clarke assumes when she finds the thing tucked away in Lexa's bedside drawer when she finally packs up to move#2 days before she's heading to the other side of the country and she finds herself sitting on the edge of Lexa's bed holding this gd camera#that she's completely forgotten existed#an hour of trying not to throw up just touching it - an hour of driving to the nearest pharmacy that still prints these damn things -#and a day of waiting for the roll to get developed is enough to have Clarke walking around like the equivalent to an exposed nerve ending#the first half of the roll just makes her smile cuz it's exactly what she expected#pictures of leaves. bumper stickers she saw. shots of the ocean at sunset. a weird rock Clarke distinctly remembers Lexa calling ~majestic#too many shots of Clarke doing mundane things that Lexa apparently thought needed capturing#and then like a suckerpunch to the face... there's this#a shot that Clarke knows without knowing that Lexa took to finish out the roll#probably snapped in a moment of Lexa's little way of saying 'hi :)'#but all it feels like in her hands one last goodbye...#wow this got away from me#my bad#AWTR
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allbeendonebefore · 1 year
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you know how when you haven’t Pursued your Craft in several days and you are like. mentally itchy and you can’t scratch it because you don’t know what you are doing and also Stress from Other Things yeah How Turn Off
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themyscirah · 8 months
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This is such a "nobody else has read this comic" moment but like. It kills me every day that we never see Simon's conversation with Amanda Waller in JLA (2013) #5. Like I NEED to know what she said to him in that room. He goes in fully intending to detach himself from all the drama of his origin arc and get the government off his back yet when he leaves he joins Waller's JLA (which is a different, rival entity of the JL at this time). And THEN in JLA comic he's not just on the team, he's one of the more pro-Waller/pro-authority members!!! Which doesn't sound like Simon!!! Like at all! But again this is the Wall we are talking about. And they had a private conversation together! For an unspecified amount of time! That we know nothing about! Like this is Amanda freaking Waller if anyone could say something to make this make sense it would be her. SO I NEED TO KNOW WHAT SHE SAID. but also also also we see ANOTHER change of heart from Simon towards Waller (and the government) in Green Lanterns #1! (I think.) Here he's shown being fed up as the government tries to manipulate him for information and to gain power and such and is like keeping tabs on him and his family etc. So obviously he's become disillusioned with this and is not happy about it, which is the kind of reaction you would expect from him! Like that actually makes sense!!!
So its like logically you figure that his characterization in JLA is bad (it is new 52) and doesn't make sense and stems from an ignorance of his character (who had been in literally 16 comics before this. Including cameos. Like bruh just read them) and that's why this doesn't make sense. BUT THERE'S STILL THAT CONVERSATION WITH WALLER. Like I want this to my sense so bad. And my brain knows what Amanda Waller is like like it KNOWS that something could have plausibly happened in that room to make this line up! Like it's Amanda freaking Waller anything could have happened there. I need to know what happened there. I will NEVER know what happened there.
#like its a new 52 comic it makes sense that it wouldnt make sense!!!!!!! but there is this GAP and it is driving me nuts#because if anyone could have said something to make this make sense it would be waller!!!! NEVER underestimate waller!!!! that is how she#gets you. also shadow government plots shes very good at those at well#especially when they explode in everyone's faces including her own#she still comes out swinging#grrrrrr no but this drives me SO bonkers because like AGGGHHHHH and its some random new 52 comic like no one cares but then#I am all like guys lets talk abt the Simon and Amanda Waller dynamic lets talk abt Simon and Waller like NO ONE KNOWS WHAT I AM TALKING ABT#like they met??????? yeah in a nu52 comic that i read in my quest to read every simon baz appearance#im 9999.999% sure dc has totally forgotten this comic existed. the writer probably has too. the only thing its notable for is causing drama#to lead up to forever evil.#anyways just oh my god. the simon and waller missing conversation is insane to me. what the fuck did they say?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!#maybe i go crazy bc of this bc theyre both in my top 10 on locg. like ive read a bunch of simon but ive also read ostrander + yale suicide#squad. which is the waller holy grail. and so i am vertifiably insane#only way for this to get more swishy self indulgent is to merge GL and SS even more and bring ben into it#i love ben he just dropped out of my top 10 and im devastated. i should read more ben comics. ive read a good chunk already hes not in that#many. also jess should be there. that would be even more self indulgent and make me crazier#suicide squad comic but you just stuff all swishy's faves in a room and expose them to the wall#wait shit this is giving me ideas now i dont have time for this LOG OFF LOG OFF#what was i saying again????? oh.#blah#simon baz#amanda waller
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love procrastinating going to bed and then suddenly thinking about how I need to give at least one of my characters VERY strong opinions on different animal species RIGHT FUCKING NOW
#Local Spider Yells At Clouds#like??? characters having strong opinions about things that mean jack shit is just really fun to me#I'm gonna try to think of some animals each character would like and dislike real quick off the top of my head#first thought: Gamma is probably both fascinated and deeply terrified by deep sea fish#like!! he thinks the fish themselves are pretty neat!! (it helps that Alice makes freakier looking things on a regular basis)#but everything about WHERE THEY LIVE freaks him the fuck out#man is hydrophobic already!! learning about water pressure and what it could do to a person might make him pass out#very next thought: Lydia probably likes frogs. I feel like they're not her FAVOURITE animal tho. top 5 definitely#very strange that I'm saying that while also having no idea what her ACTUAL favourite animal would be but eh. that's how it goes sometimes.#she probably likes tree frogs the best because those are peak Silly Little Guys#none of these are STRONG opinions tho!!!! I want a character who's either ride or die for a very specific animal#or a character who looks at this particular animal and goes ''I want this bitch GONE FROM EARTH''#...actually I just realized. I gave NONE of the Realm kiddos animal-loving as a core trait#HOW did I do that???? I MADE THESE FUCKERS WHEN I WAS STILL A KID AND WAS WAITING TO BE ABLE TO VOLUNTEER AT THE LOCAL ANIMAL SHELTER!!#TWO OF THESE BITCHES STARTED AS STRAIGHT-UP SELF INSERTS AND NONE OF THEM HAVE ''LIKES CREATURES'' AS A MAIN CHARACTER TRAIT?????#the easy answer would be to say Lydia or Dylan but. that's the easy answer.#oh yeah make the super-friendly character care about animals a lot. real original there me#...aw it'd be sad if it was Cynthia#because. no memories. any pets she had back on Earth are long forgotten by now.#and because of her role in the camp she'd probably never let herself get a pet either... never rediscovering her love for animals at all#this started with a dumb one-off thought about how I need to give my characters more stupid hills to die on#and ended with me remembering just how damn depressing Cynthia's memory wipe really is as a plot point lmao#it's just like. remembering that she used to have a LIFE before all of this!!#she had passions and joys and all of it got THROWN IN THE TOILET due to circumstances beyond her control!!!#and because of a choice she made herself she has no idea there was ever something else her life could have been!!!#...then again. maybe that was the point.#anyways!!!!!!!! sorry for the blog being dead for a bit lol#getting back into writing now so I'll probably get the queue running again shortly!!
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#last night i dreamed that i was trapped in my same patterns as i am while awake but the building i work in was bigger#and i was so dizzy and disoriented that i kept stumbling from room to room. up and down stairs. running into people who would stare at me#in confusion until one grabbed me in the way u do when someone is being concerning and incoherent and he made me sit in an auditorium#with a doctor who already knew my name. but then i was back in my messy apartment staring down at a lizard id let die because id forgotten#to feed it. part of my brain was in contact with my mum and she said i should come home so i did. i appeared there but i seemed somewhat#transparent. liked id been there a long time so no one noticed my being there was out of place. they were there but doing other things#i wandered into a room where some ppl i knew from hs were performing surgery. i went to wash my hands and the soap came out as blood#my sister tolerated my presence. which is out of character. she seemed to sense something was wrong. then i walked back into my current#apartment halfway across the country. caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror and became transcendently angry#uneasy dreams. but at least i didnt have to get up at 6. i mean i still only got like 7hrs sleep at most but better than 6 i guess#its probably bc i spent so much time hysterically crying and staring off into space yesterday. by the end of the day i felt so awful i#wondered if i might b getting sick. dizzy in that way thats not quite dizzy#but today should b pretty laid back. still doing things but probably ill hace time to get some non work bullshit#done. hopefully. then its back to 11hr days until Monday#then the experiment is over and i havr to deal with the consequences. and finish my other destructive project#which has at least 11 days left#well see what happens 🫠#unrelated
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starpros-sunshine · 2 years
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Hm
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diah-the-demon · 5 days
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yk its really hard to not feel like im just an afterthought to my mother
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I need help
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chuluoyi · 4 months
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✎ wedding anniversary
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- gojo satoru x reader
seven years of dating, two years of wedded bliss, and gojo is having his greatest existential crisis yet... all because this year, you apparently have forgotten the most important day of your lives
genre: 18+ suggestive content—minors do not interact!—heavy smut, fingering, cunnilingus, p in v sex, slight breeding kink, crack, drunk, lovesick and possessive gojo (nanami is so very done with him), also fluff !!
note: back to chu's thirsting hour :') based on a fellow gojo fucker's very helpful brainrot (chiyo if you see this, hii!😗) pls give it some love bc this has gone through not showing up in the tags 5x already *sobs*
a part of gojo's love entries
general masterlist
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To this day, it was still beyond Nanami why you, his very sensible former classmate, would have Gojo Satoru as your husband.
“She... doesn't—hic!—care about m-me... anymore!”
But well, to each their own.
“Gojo—”
“Today is our—hic!—anniversary!”
This is exhausting. It had been 30 minutes ever since the blindfolded shithead started rambling his sorrows. “She is probably just busy, you don't have to—”
“I r-really thought—hic!—she would at least n-not forget it l-like that!”
“Please, stop this nonse—”
Satoru snapped his head so swiftly that Nanami was startled, pointing out an accusatory finger at his face. “You stop!—you don't understand, Nanami!”
The said man flinched, taken aback, before feeling the surge of irritation coursing through his veins.
Sure, Nanami would gladly admit that he didn't understand. He neither had the time nor energy to. It was beyond him that he was even entertaining this blubbering idiot at this time of the day, in a bar no less. How did he get roped into this in the first place?
Actually, he had minus interest in your marital affairs, but Gojo was latching onto him all day, rambling about how excited he was for this day for weeks now, until you gave him a call, saying you would be home late and disregarded his very open anticipation. You broke his heart to pieces, apparently.
Amidst his heartbroken musings, Gojo followed him to his frequented bar, where he proceeded to down multiple glasses without any supervision.
“Am I really t-that lousy? Can’t be it… I’m s-strong, d-dashing… rich—”
Nanami released a guttural sigh, messaging his temples. How could this idiot have no shame while spouting all of this?
“Will s-she… divorce me next…?” he abruptly blurted, eyes widening as saucers and full of clarity all of a sudden. Satoru firmly tugged at his suit and forced him to face him. “Nanamin…! S-she won’t divorce me, r-right?!”
Oh, to hell with it. Nanami couldn’t take this anymore. He was done and he had no patience to tolerate it any longer.
He shrugged him off, and pulled out his phone to dial your number. “Hello? Please, come pick your husband. He’s a public nuisance!”
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In fact, you didn’t forget your anniversary.
How could you? Satoru made it his point to drop hints about it almost every day, and you actually struggled to be indifferent about it because you also had things planned out.
A present—already taken care of thanks to your mail order of Rolex’s newest collection watch, and a treat—a two-tier mochi cake he had been staring at with literal stars in his eyes on your last date.
Which has become the problem. The bakery had mishandled your delivery and you had to wait for them to remake it. It was 8pm already and you couldn't help but worry. Satoru must be feeling utterly despondent by now, thinking you had forgotten a day that meant so much for both of you.
And so when you got a call from Nanami, you dropped everything to get him and told the bakery to arrange for the delivery tomorrow, because you knew... nothing good ever came out of Satoru getting drunk.
"I missed youuuu~! Dearest, darling— my universe!"
To Satoru, the everything around him was a blur of lights and hiccups when you came to retrieve him. Nanami was so eager to wash his hands off him, leaving you with a pointed grimace as if pitying you.
. . .
"A-are you going to—hic!—leave m-me?" Satoru slurred for the nth time now, stumbling inside your house with you propping him.
"For the last time, no, but I'm tempted to," you hissed, throwing him a glare. Your husband was a very unpleasant drunk because he wasn't even a drinker in the first place. "Satoru—walk properly!"
You managed to get him into your bedroom, where Satoru flopped onto the bed, dissolving into groans. You exhaled deeply and plucked the buttons of his shirt open, trying to get him change into his sleepwear.
"Ah... haaah," suddenly he caught your hand and placed it on his bare chest, his eyes blazing into yours, rambling, "Sweetheart—please. I c-can't live without you now... I'm sorry—I'm sorry for anything, or everything, I don't even know but—please don't hate me—"
"Satoru..." Your eyes widened slightly in surprise. Why was he this spooked? "I'm not leaving you, okay?"
"I promise you, I'll do better—" his voice was watery, as if his throat was clogged up. "I'll be better..." His voice then reduced into a whisper. The alcohol had stripped away his facade, leaving his raw emotions exposed.
Something inside you lurched. Throughout the nine years you have been with him, Gojo Satoru was always irritatingly self-assured, and so seeing him like this— so openly fragile, it did more than just churn your insides; it made you realize the depth of his feelings.
In that moment, you knew your reassurance meant everything.
"I'm not going anywhere, yeah?" you placed your other hand over his, offering him a genuine, soft smile. “Satoru, I’ve put up with your ass for more than nine years. So…” you shifted your eyes away, suddenly feeling embarrassed, before looking at him again. “I'm here... for you, always.”
His grip on your hand loosened slightly, but the intensity in his gaze didn't wane, and you would've laughed when he hiccupped next if you weren't feeling the overwhelming warmth in your chest.
But oh you wouldn't have expected it, because one heartbeat later, he yanked you down to the bed— crashing his lips against yours.
“Mmmph!”
He tangled his nimble fingers on your hair, and his other hand slipped inside your blouse, unclasping your bra in one flick. You let out a gasp, "Satoru—! "
Before you could even gasp, in the next second, he flipped you over— seizing your puffy lips once more. His hands now moved with more urgency, squeezing your breasts rather roughly, flicking your nipples with the pads on his thumbs.
And soon, far sooner than you thought...
"Who else gets to see you like this?" Satoru inquired darkly after you were naked under him, his voice low and deep. He was no longer that stupid husband of yours, rather the wanton man of your nightly wonders.
Without warning, he slid one of his fingers into your folds, probing your walls, and a gasp escaped you as you arched your back, throwing your head back on the sheets.
"No— one," your voice came in a breathless moan, still reeling. "H-how can y-you ask me—" Stretching you out even further, he entered another finger and you wailed, "Mmgh!"
He had always loved the sounds you made and how you were so pretty squirming under him like this. And before you knew it, his face was inches from your cunt, blowing hot air into your sensitive flesh.
"Tell me, who is the only person who gets to see you like this?"
Your eyes rolled back, words died on your tongue as his skilled tongue ran down on your drenched pussy. You instinctively tried to close your legs around his head, but he firmly held them apart.
"You." Panting, your mind racing to form coherent thoughts. You managed to mutter, "Only you... No one else—hah—just y-you...!"
He suckled on your clit hungrily then, rewarding you for your honesty. Squelching noises echoed around your marital bed as your arousal pooled around his fingers— you being so incredibly, irrevocably close to your release.
"Haaah, ngh—mmph!—Satoru, I'm a-about to—!" but then, in one cruel twist, he withdrew his digits, and your pussy throbbed at the loss.
You muffled your whines, feeling betrayed and irritable. "What—why—!?"
"Don't think that I'll let you cum anywhere else but my cock," he stated gallantly with an unusually stern expression, blue eyes narrowing as he assessed your wetness. Right in front of your eyes, his cock sprung after he let it out of his pants.
"Soon, you'll feel me..." Your eyes shamelessly followed his long length as he placed it on your lower belly. "...there."
Everything about him using that taunting tone turned you on, and true to his words, he soon slid himself inside you. He let out a low grunt at the feeling of how your walls clenching around him and you whined, the pain of being stretched making you almost sob.
"Shit, hold still," Satoru groaned, pushing down on your belly. "You're so tight— relax for me a bit, sweetheart? You're doing so, so fucking well."
His words went through you, and you could feel yourself opening more to ease his intrusion. Next thing you knew, he was buried deep inside you, and his gaze met you once again.
"Are you okay?" he asked between breaths, voice softening. When you nodded in response, he planted a kiss on your chest.
"I love you," he said in a rasp, eyes piercing your soul. "I’ll give you anything. My body, heart, soul—you can have it all. In return, you just have to promise one thing." His eyes, now clearer, deprived of the earlier haze, boring straight into you like an arrow.
"Don't ever leave me."
"I won't," you replied resolutely, catching your breath. Your own eyes shone with your love for him, making it even. "For as long as I live, it's going to always be you."
Satoru gazed at you as if you were his skies and stars, and before he started pounding into you, he vowed—
"Then I'm yours."
And soon, you were a nothing more than a frenzy, hot mess. You couldn’t help the nasty moans flying out of your lips as he kept barreling into you. His grunts reverberated throughout the room, rutting you through your hazed mind.
And the way he was whispering provocations into your ear, pushing you further into ecstasy at the mere thought of—
"What if... I get you pregnant this time?" A thrust. "Just imagine—" Another. "My wife, all round—" Another. "—just because I—am doing this to her—!"
You were barely registering his rambles at this point. Your walls clenching around his girth impossibly tight and you let him claim you as his thoroughly, your legs locking around his waist.
"Ah—ngh, mmrgh! Satoru—more!"
This wasn't you, the usual you wouldn't be this daring— but even you'll be more than forgiven tonight.
Satoru's jaw tightened at the sheer pleasure you brought him, his ego stroked, and his heavenly eyes darkened as you begged and dug your nails into him. He was so close, he could feel it. Your moans was enough to lead him to cum right here and there.
But before that, he was determined to show you, to whom you truly belong.
“My wife.” He growled. A thrust.
“Mine.” You gasped. Harder.
“All mine.” Deeper.
"Yes," you cried. "Yours— all yours, so please—!"
And three deep thrusts later, Satoru finally busted his load inside you, spurts after spurts painting your wall white— filling you up so hard it was spilling out. And your orgasm followed in immediate effect along with your hitched screams of pleasure, before the two of you collapsed on each other, a mix of groans and sweat, entwined in cum, bliss and exhaustion.
"Love you, sweetheart," you heard him murmuring in your ears, enveloping you in a warm embrace as you drifted into sleep.
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Next morning, you were awoken to soft hums in your ears.
"Oh, the sleeping beauty awakens." The first sight you saw was Satoru's cheeky grin, and him pecking you on the lips. "How are you?"
"Mmm..." you winced, feeling the slight twinge between your legs. He noticed it and gently untangled himself from you, fingers tracing your waist. "Don't move around too much, you're going to bother my little swimmers, you know."
It took you a few seconds to realize what he meant and you glared at him. "You horny weirdo. I just woke up."
“Heh heh heh~ Don't take it too seriously! I was just trying to get you to smile.” He pinched your cheeks and then mused, “Well, I'd actually be surprised if we made it last night...”
"You're not funny," you retorted. You had been feeling weird and that was when you saw it.
The dazzling, massive diamond ring. On your finger. Wait, is that Graff's Tribal Collection?
"Satoru..." you mumbled, lifting your hand in shock, your eyes fixed on the piece that likely cost more than your monthly wage. "You..."
"Do you like it?" his smile was so easy and light, adoring the sight of you. You were so adorable, marveling at the little gift he got you.
"What do you mean—" you stuttered, turning to him. "Are you crazy?! I can't wear something this expensive—!"
"But that's exactly my point. It's a gift, meant to spoil my wife."
"You are mad," warmth flooded your cheeks, your heart fluttering with joy. You were unbelievably giddy because your husband really knew the way to your heart, yet you'd be damned if you let the excitement show in front of him.
He raised an eyebrow, his expression souring, and with a mocking tone, he accused you, "Actually, you're the one who's gone mad. I can't believe you forgot our anniversary!"
"I didn't, you dummy. I was out picking up your favorite mochi cake before you got yourself wasted." You turned away from him, shyly. "And I got a gift for you too."
"Oh? Oooh! Really!? What is it?!"
He was back to his silly self again, and you could only shake your head, wondering how the sex god from last night and this fool was the same person.
Yet, you felt nothing but love. Your heart couldn't help but melt for him when you saw that carefree grin.
And you couldn't be more grateful to the stars for bringing him into your life.
. . .
Oh, and little did you know that his little swimmers also made the goal last night— as three weeks later, you found yourself clutching the first of your pregnancy tests, which was showing a positive.
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fingertipsmp3 · 8 months
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I’m not even gonna lie, my grief over Mabel is making me insane
#every time i remember she’s not here i hear this roaring in my ears and i just break down and cry#i keep trying to pretend she’s just asleep in the other room but it’s not working#looking at pictures of her just makes me cry. the people who will be cremating her are going to take a clipping of fur and a pawprint from#her for me but i don’t know what i’m going to do with those things. like where i’ll put them#i know once i’m a bit more emotionally stable i’ll regret not having them. i wish i had some of kim’s fur. i forgot the feel of his fur so#quickly and i always struggled with that. but i also know that having pieces of mabel won’t comfort me in the slightest right now because i#just want her back and i feel so so so guilty even though i know it was her time#she’d gone so senile that she had a panic attack every time she went on a walk. it could last up to an hour. she was restless; refusing to#nap & barely able to sleep. she was riddled with arthritis to the point you could only touch her head; paws & maybe her chest#she bit if you tried to clean her or have her wear anything or sometimes if you put her lead on her. she never used to do that. that was a#new development that started in about june-july after she had two strokes. her little heart was racing and she was panting all the time f#she also had this growth in her mouth that may or may not have been infected or cancerous and she wasn’t letting us examine it. we wouldn’t#have been able to adminster treatment either because she’d bite and thrash if we tried to look in her mouth#but she was still eating and drinking okay… drinking too much if anything. and she was more or less continent. and she would have some lucid#moments where she was wagging her tail at us and requesting pets. she could get in and out of the house no problem#it was just quality of life because i knew she was in pain & her brain and heart were both shutting down and she wasn’t able to enjoy stuff#like walks that she used to love. and i knew she wouldn’t survive this winter because she haaaated the cold#but i still feel guilty because i know she could probably have lived another month. but it’s also like. how much would that month of life#have stressed her out? she’d already forgotten lots of people like my stepdad; my grandparents; my best friend and her kid. if she’d have#forgotten me and/or the house she would’ve been scared all the time and i never wanted that for her. i wanted her to have a good last couple#of days. and i think she did but there’s part of me that still feels so guilty and wishes she was still here#even if she was just eating and drinking and sleeping. even if she stopped letting me pet her. but then i know i’d have been keeping her#around for me. i feel like i ended her suffering but i also potentially robbed her of some happy moments#i just can’t get over the guilt of leaving her on that floor by herself. i sat there for ages waiting for someone to carry her out but then#i realised they were waiting for me to leave so i just walked out and it felt so wrong. she would have hated that she went to sleep on a#cold hard floor. she didn’t even lie on the floor voluntarily. she slept on the dining room couch or in her bed#i can’t stop crying whenever i think of it. i feel like shit and i don’t know how to move on#i put all her things in the garage to be sorted out when i’m less upset. apart from her collar and her blankets#i put her collar around one of the stair bannisters and i gave her blankets to my friend for her dog#i don’t know what i’ll do when she comes back to me in an urn. scream and cry and throw up probably
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gibbearish · 9 months
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theres a kickstarter i backed back in march 2021 thats been going through issue after issue during the production process but has been keeping backers updated the whole time and a couple months ago they announced they were finally able to start shipping orders im excited
#had it been a scam it wouldve been fine bc as soon as i give money to things like that i just consider it gone forever so i take the#possibility of that happening into account when deciding whether or not to buy something and when i backed it $115 was Not Hard At All#that was like. two days' worth of tips at most? three if you picked really slow days?#so as far as im concerned i dont have $115 worth of money up in the air right now waiting for repayment#i simply donated $115 to a cool project almost three years ago and now will get a time capsule of a present in the mail at some point#BUT all that being said i dont think its a scam shes been very transparent and accommodating the whole time#like i couldve gotten most of my order by now if i wanted‚ there were wallets that came with the bag and they were the main problem point#bc the manufacturer she used first was Garbage but she wasnt able to get a refund from them#so she offered to ship out everything except the wallets to anyone who wanted it they just had to cover the shipping#n i was like. i dont /need/ any of this it was 100% a fun little treat for me so it being late isnt like. a problem#so might as well save like $20 its win win#and a bunch of people did take her up on it and have been posting abt the quality and they all seem legit#its very funny that ive had to update my address with her twice though KSBDKSBDKDN#and the extra benefit is it really will be a little time capsule present because its been so long ive forgotten most of what i ordered#like i know theres a bag and a wallet and some pins and i think one other thing?#but i dont remember the details of what they look like really or esp the pins i dont remember anything except they were there#maybe the other thing was a popsocket? that sounds probable#anyways. soon it will be bag time>:3c#oh and ofc ppl who didnt order the wallets have already gotten their orders shes not making them wait for us kwbdkshf#so theyve been posting reviews too#im pretty sure 'just refund me for the wallet and give me the rest' was an option#i don't remember for sure and don't want to dig through all FORTY TWO EMAILS to check but id definitely be way more salty abt#the whole situation if they hadnt because thatd be shitty#im bad at remembering things but good at holding deserved grudges so the fact i dont have one tells me she didnt#love having to fuckin. sherlock holmes my own past lmao#but yeah as is im just like. i cannot imagine how much it must suck majorly to be in her shoes so she can take as long as she needs#like a while back i had someone order a thing off etsy ans it didnt notify me at all so they emailed me like a month later like#'hey any updates on my order?' and i was like. FUCK#and i felt terrible for like a month afterwards and gave them a bunch of free stickers to make up for it#and that was yknow. one person who ordered $6 worth of stickers
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olives-ails · 10 months
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I gave her those. Those things she gives out. I got those for me. But I’ve been unable to eat. So I gave them to her.
She was laughing. Chewing on them. I couldn’t look at her but I knew she was. I could hear every joke. Trying not to laugh along from across the room.
And then I went over. Didn’t say a word or ask for anything. Even as my stomach clawed desperately for the treats right in front of me. I just smiled. And she put her head down. Told me to go away. She didn’t feel well.
Didn’t she feel well just a moment ago, laughing so loudly? Didn’t she enjoy the things I gave her?
I turned away and looked at the wet paint. Waiting for that damned bell to ring. Wishing something would kill me right there. The hunger to final snap my body in half, my aching calf to collapse, my brain to shut off. It rang so loudly. And I booked it out. Fast as I could out the doors and to the bus. Hands clenching and teeth tightened.
Her face. Her tone. Her words. They yell louder than any roaring ringing bell.
I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to pull back in, be kind but hide. Another part wants to carve more of myself away for her. Make me the vessel she can like. Instead of a cardboard cutout to chuck away.
She said she loved me. I said she didn’t. So why does it hurt knowing I was right?
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bellarichie · 1 year
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is it ok for me to be a little upset at my best friend for only congratulating me on my birthday after I posted about it, and then admitting that she "remembered yesterday but forgot it today" or is that being selfish?
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reasonsforhope · 10 months
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Story from the Washington Post here, non-paywall version here.
Washington Post stop blocking linksharing and shit challenge.
"The young woman was catatonic, stuck at the nurses’ station — unmoving, unblinking and unknowing of where or who she was.
Her name was April Burrell.
Before she became a patient, April had been an outgoing, straight-A student majoring in accounting at the University of Maryland Eastern Shore. But after a traumatic event when she was 21, April suddenly developed psychosis and became lost in a constant state of visual and auditory hallucinations. The former high school valedictorian could no longer communicate, bathe or take care of herself.
April was diagnosed with a severe form of schizophrenia, an often devastating mental illness that affects approximately 1 percent of the global population and can drastically impair how patients behave and perceive reality.
“She was the first person I ever saw as a patient,” said Sander Markx, director of precision psychiatry at Columbia University, who was still a medical student in 2000 when he first encountered April. “She is, to this day, the sickest patient I’ve ever seen.” ...
It would be nearly two decades before their paths crossed again. But in 2018, another chance encounter led to several medical discoveries...
Markx and his colleagues discovered that although April’s illness was clinically indistinguishable from schizophrenia, she also had lupus, an underlying and treatable autoimmune condition that was attacking her brain.
After months of targeted treatments [for lupus] — and more than two decades trapped in her mind — April woke up.
The awakening of April — and the successful treatment of other people with similar conditions — now stand to transform care for some of psychiatry’s sickest patients, many of whom are languishing in mental institutions.
Researchers working with the New York state mental health-care system have identified about 200 patients with autoimmune diseases, some institutionalized for years, who may be helped by the discovery.
And scientists around the world, including Germany and Britain, are conducting similar research, finding that underlying autoimmune and inflammatory processes may be more common in patients with a variety of psychiatric syndromes than previously believed.
Although the current research probably will help only a small subset of patients, the impact of the work is already beginning to reshape the practice of psychiatry and the way many cases of mental illness are diagnosed and treated.
“These are the forgotten souls,” said Markx. “We’re not just improving the lives of these people, but we’re bringing them back from a place that I didn’t think they could come back from.” ...
Waking up after two decades
The medical team set to work counteracting April’s rampaging immune system and started April on an intensive immunotherapy treatment for neuropsychiatric lupus...
The regimen is grueling, requiring a month-long break between each of the six rounds to allow the immune system to recover. But April started showing signs of improvement almost immediately...
A joyful reunion
“I’ve always wanted my sister to get back to who she was,” Guy Burrell said.
In 2020, April was deemed mentally competent to discharge herself from the psychiatric hospital where she had lived for nearly two decades, and she moved to a rehabilitation center...
Because of visiting restrictions related to covid, the family’s face-to-face reunion with April was delayed until last year. April’s brother, sister-in-law and their kids were finally able to visit her at a rehabilitation center, and the occasion was tearful and joyous.
“When she came in there, you would’ve thought she was a brand-new person,” Guy Burrell said. “She knew all of us, remembered different stuff from back when she was a child.” ...
The family felt as if they’d witnessed a miracle.
“She was hugging me, she was holding my hand,” Guy Burrell said. “You might as well have thrown a parade because we were so happy, because we hadn’t seen her like that in, like, forever.”
“It was like she came home,” Markx said. “We never thought that was possible.”
...After April’s unexpected recovery, the medical team put out an alert to the hospital system to identify any patients with antibody markers for autoimmune disease. A few months later, Anca Askanase, a rheumatologist and director of the Columbia Lupus Center,who had been on April’s treatment team, approached Markx. “I think we found our girl,” she said.
Bringing back Devine
When Devine Cruz was 9, she began to hear voices. At first, the voices fought with one another. But as she grew older, the voices would talk about her, [and over the years, things got worse].
For more than a decade, the young woman moved in and out of hospitals for treatment. Her symptoms included visual and auditory hallucinations, as well as delusions that prevented her from living a normal life.
Devine was eventually diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, which can result in symptoms of both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. She also was diagnosed with intellectual disability.
She was on a laundry list of drugs — two antipsychotic medications, lithium, clonazepam, Ativan and benztropine — that came with a litany of side effects but didn’t resolve all her symptoms...
She also had lupus, which she had been diagnosed with when she was about 14, although doctors had never made a connection between the disease and her mental health...
Last August, the medical team prescribed monthly immunosuppressive infusions of corticosteroids and chemotherapy drugs, a regime similar to what April had been given a few years prior. By October, there were already dramatic signs of improvement.
“She was like ‘Yeah, I gotta go,’” Markx said. “‘Like, I’ve been missing out.’”
After several treatments, Devine began developing awareness that the voices in her head were different from real voices, a sign that she was reconnecting with reality. She finished her sixth and final round of infusions in January.
In March, she was well enough to meet with a reporter. “I feel like I’m already better,” Devine said during a conversation in Markx’s office at the New York State Psychiatric Institute, where she was treated. “I feel myself being a person that I was supposed to be my whole entire life.” ...
Her recovery is remarkable for several reasons, her doctors said. The voices and visions have stopped. And she no longer meets the diagnostic criteria for either schizoaffective disorder or intellectual disability, Markx said...
Today, Devine lives with her mother and is leading a more active and engaged life. She helps her mother cook, goes to the grocery store and navigates public transportation to keep her appointments. She is even babysitting her siblings’ young children — listening to music, taking them to the park or watching “Frozen 2” — responsibilities her family never would have entrusted her with before her recovery.
Expanding the search for more patients
While it is likely that only a subset of people diagnosed with schizophrenia and psychotic disorders have an underlying autoimmune condition, Markx and other doctors believe there are probably many more patients whose psychiatric conditions are caused or exacerbated by autoimmune issues...
The cases of April and Devine also helped inspire the development of the SNF Center for Precision Psychiatry and Mental Health at Columbia, which was named for the Stavros Niarchos Foundation, which awarded it a $75 million grant in April. The goal of the center is to develop new treatments based on specific genetic and autoimmune causes of psychiatric illness, said Joseph Gogos, co-director of the SNF Center.
Markx said he has begun care and treatment on about 40 patients since the SNF Center opened. The SNF Center is working with the New York State Office of Mental Health, which oversees one of the largest public mental health systems in America, to conduct whole genome sequencing and autoimmunity screening on inpatients at long-term facilities.
For “the most disabled, the sickest of the sick, even if we can help just a small fraction of them, by doing these detailed analyses, that’s worth something,” said Thomas Smith, chief medical officer for the New York State Office of Mental Health. “You’re helping save someone’s life, get them out of the hospital, have them live in the community, go home.”
Discussions are underway to extend the search to the 20,000 outpatients in the New York state system as well. Serious psychiatric disorders, like schizophrenia, are more likely to be undertreated in underprivileged groups. And autoimmune disorders like lupus disproportionately affect women and people of color with more severity.
Changing psychiatric care
How many people ultimately will be helped by the research remains a subject of debate in the scientific community. But the research has spurred excitement about the potential to better understand what is going on in the brain during serious mental illness...
Emerging research has implicated inflammation and immunological dysfunction as potential players in a variety of neuropsychiatric conditions, including schizophrenia, depression and autism.
“It opens new treatment possibilities to patients that used to be treated very differently,” said Ludger Tebartz van Elst, a professor of psychiatry and psychotherapy at University Medical Clinic Freiburg in Germany.
In one study, published last year in Molecular Psychiatry, Tebartz van Elst and his colleagues identified 91 psychiatric patients with suspected autoimmune diseases, and reported that immunotherapies benefited the majority of them.
Belinda Lennox, head of the psychiatry department at the University of Oxford, is enrolling patients in clinical trials to test the effectiveness of immunotherapy for autoimmune psychosis patients.
As a result of the research, screenings for immunological markers in psychotic patients are already routine in Germany, where psychiatrists regularly collect samples from cerebrospinal fluid.
Markx is also doing similar screening with his patients. He believes highly sensitive and inexpensive blood tests to detect different antibodies should become part of the standard screening protocol for psychosis.
Also on the horizon: more targeted immunotherapy rather than current “sledgehammer approaches” that suppress the immune system on a broad level, said George Yancopoulos, the co-founder and president of the pharmaceutical company Regeneron.
“I think we’re at the dawn of a new era. This is just the beginning,” said Yancopoulos."
-via The Washington Post, June 1, 2023
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