#she's absolutely crushed at the fact that she wasn't able to get her dad back

[cosmicheartz]

more Patty stuff + rambling abt her wishing star path

The wishing star would be similar to Goldi in the sense that it guides Patty and attempts to teach her to properly process her grief. The path isn't inherently dangerous like Puss and Kitty's but it's not an easy path.

Patty's grief is a mix between absent grief and inhibited grief. It leans more towards the latter since she distracts herself by running the bakery. I also think she's on the bargaining stage as the whole reason she's going after the wishing star is because she wants to bring back her father.

The first area would be called memory lane. it would show memories of the person who is present in the area.

So for Patty that would mean memories of her childhood and her father. I don't think she'd be able to experience this area though because she hasn't gotten her hands on the map yet. she does get through the pocket full of posies without issue

i think the second area is where the movie deviates a tiny bit because she does get her hands on the map for a short period of time instead of Goldie and the bears after the Jack Horner fight where Perrito gets captured by him. This area is either called Mourning Meadows or Garden of Grief and it basically is kinda like the memories of the mist episode of the sumo anime where it summons the spirits of the departed but with the caveat that the spirit is always constantly out of reach so no matter how hard you try or how fast you run you'll never be able to reunite. Goldie and the bears end up getting the map from her without too much of a fight because the map fell out of Patty's bag.

As for the third area, I haven't really figured it out yet and Patty doesn't get to experience the area anyways since the rest of the movie plays out more or less like the canon version. She's isn't present in the wishing star battle as she ends up getting there after everything went down. 

[1000roughdrafts]

i thought of one more (i'm sorry!): could i please request a teenage!winchesters and teenage!reader (samxreader as either crushes or bf/gf, sam and reader are like 13 and dean is 17) where reader is stuck with the brothers while her parents are hunting with john and reader is pmsing hard and sam is convinced that she's possessed by a demon and it's up to dean to give an awkward, impromptu facts of life lesson to the embarrassed reader and the embarrassed (but curious lol) sam?

Don't be sorry!! I'M sorry for not getting this out sooner!!!

Warnings: mention of menstruation, minor characters used, minor gore (with menstruation)

Word Count: 1.4k

Being the daughter of a hunter in debt to John Winchester, Y/N is frequently dragged from town to town and pawned off to the hands of a 17-year-old Dean Winchester while her dad helps John on a case. Y/N would protest this more if it weren't for the youngest Winchester, Sam, who she may have a little bit of a crush on. She'd never admit to it, but she usually looks forward to the time she gets to spend with him, even if it did mean being left out of the action of a hunt.

Today, however, is a different story, because Y/N is having a visit from what dad calls "shark week". When she first got it, she was terrified, and dad heard her screams from across the house. But all he ever said about it was that he wasn't expecting it so soon, and she was entering womanhood. When she asked if that meant she'd be able to go hunting with him, he laughed, and tossed a box of pads at her. "Absolutely not," he'd said.

Too consumed with rage, confusion, and this horrible twisting pain in her stomach, Y/N completely misses the look of excitement on Sam's face when she arrives. She angrily tosses her bag onto the floor by the door and immediately regrets it. She gives a curt goodbye to her dad and tries to shake away the weird feeling, but the more she tries to fight it, the worse it gets. She tries to take deep breaths the way her dad taught her until Sam interrupts. “Heya, Y/N! Dean and I were about to watch a show, you wanna join us?"

"No," she says flatly, surprising herself with her tone. She is unsure of what to call the emotions that bubble inside of her. It's like she wants to hug him after not seeing him for so long but punch him for not giving her any time to get settled. She isn't interested in watching anything when her stomach feels like it's being stabbed over and over by a million knives. She looks up just in time to see his face fall, and she's upset with herself for she'd just spoken to him. "'No, thank you', is what I meant to say, sorry," she says, plopping into the chair, wanting nothing more than to become invisible.

Sam shoots Dean a look of concern, but Dean just shrugs, saying, "chicks."

Shaking his head, Sam slowly and curiously approaches Y/N, studying her face carefully as he sits in the chair next to her. With a gentle shrug, he says, "that's okay, we can do something else," he suggests, still watching her face for anything out of the ordinary.

"I don't want to, Sam" she says, but her bottom lip quivers in regret. The words are coming out on their own as if her body, or this "Shark Week" has taken over her, leaving her without control of her own thoughts, emotions or words. She covers her face in an attempt to stifle the sobs that break out of her, and soon after she's laughing at the absurdity of it all. She takes a deep breath, and relaxes into the seat, "I'm sorry," she says, "again. We can watch TV."

Sam's eyebrows furrow as he looks to Dean, smiling away at the magazine, and then back to Y/N, "are you okay, Y/N?" he asks.

"Yes! Why does everyone keep asking me if I'm okay!" she growls, "first my dad, then John, now you!"

Sam is taken aback by this, and that's when he notices that her hand is held tightly on her stomach. Suddenly, it all makes sense. Sam is confident that this isn't Y/N, that Y/N is in there somewhere, fighting to be free from whatever demon is possessing her.

"Okay!" he says, hands held up to her, "it's just... you're not you today, is all," he frowns. She glares at him, and for a moment he swears her eyes flickered black! He gasps, jumping out of his seat, "Dean, can I talk to you outside, please?"

"Oh, jeeze, Sam. Relax, would ya?" Dean says without looking up from his magazine, "just give the girl some space."

"Dean," Sam whispers through clenched teeth, taking a step closer to him, "I don't think that's a girl anymore."

Y/N stands from her chair, "what did you just say?" she snarls.

Sam swallows hard, "no, it's just..." he looks at his brother for help, but all Dean can do is laugh. With a frown, Sam looks at Y/N again. There's definitely something different about her, an anger in her face that he's never seen before. He whispers something to Dean that Y/N can't hear.

Y/N crosses her arms, "hmm?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Dean laughs, but Sam hurries to grab a glass of holy water. With a shaky hand, he turns to approach Y/N.

"Woah! What the Hell do you plan on doing with that?" she asks, taking a few steps back.

"See, Dean! I told you!"

"You think I'm possessed?" she cries, and then the realization hits her. Maybe there is a demon that has possessed her body! Maybe that's why her dad dropped her off here, or why he gave her the pads in case she needed to contain the demon somehow. It would certainly explain why she doesn't feel like she can control herself or her emotions. Her face flushes, and her whole body gets hot. She rushes to the window to let in some fresh air, but before she could get to it, Sam dumps the water on her, drenching her face and hair.

"Woah woah woah," Dean says, jumping up to stand between Sam and Y/N.

"No! Dean, she could be a demon!" Sam shouts, his voice cracking.

"Sam, no, I promise she's not a demon." Dean turns to look at Y/N as she wipes the water and tears off her face. "Listen, uh, why don't you two sit down?" he sighs. He pops into the bathroom to grab a towel, and tosses it to Y/N, "here. There's a blanket over there, too, if you want it."

Y/N only nods, taking the towel to her face and hair.

Dean rubs his hand down his face and looks at the wide eyes of the two kids in front of him. Sam nervously shakes his knee, continually glancing at Y/N to make sure she doesn't try anything. Dean pulls a chair from the table and props it in front of Sam and Y/N.

He flips it around to use the back of it as an arm rest. Sitting down, his eyes bounce from Y/N's tearful, red face to Sam's, and he laughs when he sees how scared his little brother is. In a chuckle, he looks directly at Y/N and says, "our dads suck for not explaining this to either of you," his eyes move to Sam. He shakes his head again, thinking of how ridiculous it is that he has to be the one to have the 'birds and the bees' conversation with them.

"What Y/N is going through is perfectly normal," he says, looking from Sam to Y/N, "it's called a 'period', and it's when the lining of your uterus sheds, which causes you to bleed. Hence the pads. And the change in hormones is what causes mood swings, not a demonic possession," he sighs, "any questions? No? Okay, good," he says, smacking his legs with his hands before standing up.

"Wait, Dean," Sam says, twisting his fingers in his hand, "why does it shed, though?" he whispers, looking over at Y/N, who shies away from his glance.

"Something to do with the egg not being fertilized. It's part of the reproduction process," Dean sighs.

"Reproduction? But how does the egg get fertilized? And what happens when it does?" Sam asks.

"You are making it sound like I'm a chicken or something," Y/N snorts.

Dean quickly moves the chair back to the table, "okay, no," he says hand up at Sam, "I'm not having that conversation with you two. You'll figure it out one day. In the meantime, Sam no more exorcists on poor Y/N."

Y/N sinks into her seat, trying to hide out of embarrassment from her body being the subject of conversation since she got here.

"I'm sorry," Sam squeaks, and Y/N can barely look him in the eyes, "I'm sorry for thinking you were a demon, Y/N."

Dean can't help but to laugh. "I'm gonna go out for some drinks from the vending machine. I'll be back."

"It's okay, Sam," Y/N whispers, "I kind of thought that, too for a minute," she giggles. "Can we watch that show, now?"

“Sure, Y/N,” he smiles, clicking the remote

----

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[ravetillyoucry]

PUPARIA

Chapter 15 - Simulation Swarm

prev - chapter 1

The detective wasn't the first Hosah Levi, and he definitely wouldn't be the last. The original, the blueprint, everything the shifter was supposed to be, that was his uncle.

Hosah's dad was heartbroken when he lost his twin brother. That was the Hosah Levi. There wasn't much to explain his disappearance. No body, no camera footage. Just gone without a trace. Safe to say, it was a closed casket funeral.

A sad, but common occurrence for shifters. You shrink in the wrong place at the wrong time, you're gonna end up trampled on, kidnapped, washed away by the rain, or all of the above all at the same time.  That was why Hosah's dad was so hesitant to let him take the job offer in New York. It was silly. His son was a grown man, he had his own place in Colorado with a steady job and a couple classes to go to in his off time, so why should he have to worry about being allowed to take opportunities?

The truth was, his father had always thought of him as incapable. Not in an insulting way, but in an infantilising, coddling way, which was arguably far worse.

Whenever they spoke on the phone, their conversations always ended sour with an argument, about how Hosah should quit and come home, about how he should call more because every day that passes by without absolute confirmation of his safety causes immense stress to his entire family, or just about anything they can think of on that particular day.

Today however, the argument was about coming home, as it usually was.

"It's just not safe out there. You know how long it's been since you last called? Three days. Hosah, you understand how worried I get, don't you? You know how much can happen in three days. It'd be so much easier for you to just come back to Colorado. Your room is the same as how you left it. Please." His father pleaded down the phone.

It was always the same two or three points with him. You're not like everyone else, you're a vulnerable person, you can't get around your own apartment on your own so how are you supposed to navigate the city, I'm scared for you, blah, blah, blah. Quite frankly, Hosah was bored of it. He'd admitted to himself that he wasn't going to be able to hack complete independence for much longer, but he'd never, ever, admit that fact to his dad.

With his phone balancing between the side of his head and his shoulder, the shifter tried his best to stay on the call as he painted away in the short time that Teddy would be out for,

"No- no I know there are risks," Hosah repeated words he'd said a thousand times before, "That's why I'm not.. living alone anymore."

He still hadn't told his dad about Teddy. In fact, he hadn't told his dad about anything that had been happening lately. He rarely did, actually, Joel Levi didn't need the added stress.

"You have a girlfriend?" That was another thing Hosah hadn't told his dad about. Or really, hadn't told anyone about. Asides from Jules, as she knew everything.

He debated his relationship status with Teddy before responding, "No, but I have a roommate. New co-worker. He's nice. I like him."

"A co-worker is who killed your uncle, you know." Father dearest reminded him. It was never actually proven whose blood the small red stain on the office floor belonged to, but Joel had his theories.

It was best to not bring up the uncertainty of the true events of his Uncle's death around his father. After all, they were twins. Connected at the soul, or something like that.

"Right," Hosah mumbled instead of arguing, a route he rarely went down now that he thought about it.

The other end of the line crackled before the voice was picked back up again, "-this guy that you've moved in with?"

The shifter could only assume the first word in that sentence was supposed to be 'who'. Putting Teddy into words was a difficult task, at least, if he didn't want to end up gushing like a school girl when talking about her latest hallway crush, that is.

"His name's Edward. Super tall, like, the top of his head brushes against door frames kind of tall. Italian. Red hair, met him like a month and a half ago." Hosah described, his lips instinctively curling into an embarrassingly wide smile as he spoke.

"And this guy," Joel began, static and all, "He's good? He helps you? He's nice, gentle, sweet, caring, all that?"

The shifters face flushed a slight red as his father listed off all of Teddy's best qualities, "Yeah, yeah of course." He clarified.

"I could probably do a better job." His father scoffed as he usually did. Nothing was ever good enough, whether it was washing the dishes or taking care of his son, he might as well just be doing it the whole time all by himself because nobody else could do it as good as him.

"Yeah," Almost on queue, the sound of keys rattling on the other side of the door cut Hosah and his father's conversation short, " I have to go, 'kay? Got stuff to do. Call me some time tomorrow or whenever you can and I'll pick up. Okay, loveyoubye"

The shifter rushed to end the phone call so he could firstly, cover up Teddy's birthday gift, and also greet him as he came through the door.

"Sorry, did I interrupt something?" Teddy asked from across the room, standing in the open door. Yeah. His head just about would've brush against the wooden framing.

How someone could look so effortlessly picturesque, Hosah would never know. The shifter stared for a moment, completely lost for words, just taking in the rather mundane sight in front of him. Teddy's pale face had been nipped by the cold breeze, it seemed, as his cheeks and nose were reddened, although a more pink colour than his scruffy, brownish red hair that had clearly been rattled by the same wind. He looked a little disheveled with his scarf lazily wrapped loosely around his neck and his coat missing a few buttons from being completely fastened. Still, even in clothes he'd thrown on in about half a minute, Teddy looked perfect.

Hosah had almost forgotten what his roommate had even said in the first place as he opened his mouth to respond, "Uh, no, no, I was just on the phone to my dad, actually."

"Cool." Teddy had gotten into the habit of stealing the shifter's favourite words and phrases, "Have you told him yet?"

Right. It was probably best to keep his family in the dark about his current situation, he didn't want to worry them, or, god forbid, endanger them.

"Wellll..." Hosah wasn't really sure how to word it in a way that his roommate would understand.

"I mean, you don't have to." The sudden shift in views left the shifter without knowing what to say, half expecting an argument to come out of the conversation. Teddy continued, "It's your business, and if you don't want to, or you're not ready, or.. Whatever reasons you have, you're not obligated to say anything."

"You're right." Hosah nodded.

"As per usual," The taller of the two muttered under his breath as he strolled up to his roommate, giving his blond hair a ruffle before pulling the head into his shoulder, or, more like his chest given their height difference.

It was the little and casual pieces of affection like this that drove Hosah crazy. He felt like a rabid dog with how desperate he'd become to experience the brief touches over and over again.

"Did he say anything?" Teddy asked, hand still cradling the shifter's head, their legs intertwining as they stood at an, in any other case, uncomfortably short distance from each other.

Although, since it was Hosah and Teddy, this kind of close proximity was just right.

Hosah thought for a minute, focused on fidgeting with the loose threads that hung out of his roommates thick, bobbly knitted sweater, "Mmm," He hummed, "Just the usual, come home, it's dangerous out there, you need someone to take care of you,"

"God," Teddy laughed, "If there's one person that doesn't need taking care of in this world, it's you."

Hosah looked up, the overhead light reflecting in the big black holes he had for eyes, "You think?" He asked, chin resting on the taller of the two's chest, as he couldn't quite reach his shoulder as his hips leant against Teddy's.

"Cmon. First time you were.. I don't know, shifted I guess, you made me a cup of coffee. I mean, I know I wouldn't even be able to make it from room to room if I were like that." Teddy hesitated as he got to certain parts of his sentence.

Hosah had never really known how to take compliments.

"Whatever," He scoffed, regrettably worming his way out of Teddy's cradle, turning his back to him as he tried to forget the much needed words of affirmation.

He was right, Hosah wasn't completely incapable, but that's not what he'd been told his entire life, that's not what he truly believed. All Hosah really thought he wanted was to find someone who would take care of him like the helpless creature he was, but even he knew that wasn't completely the true to his deeper feelings. His own heart and mind were things even he would never be able to fully understand. That was Hosah's problem. He'd spent weeks, months, years stuck on a goal, and as soon as he'd meet it, he'd realise he actually wanted the opposite all along. Despite how much it hurt to admit, his stalker was spot on. Hot and cold. If anyone ever saw Hosah sticking to his word without any contradictions, that was not him, and they were to eradicate this imposter as soon as possible.

"You know it's true," Teddy teased, following behind the shifter as he rushed into their now shared bedroom to find a shirt to put on.

A defensive snap he hadn't felt the urge to indulge in came rushing out of his mouth, "Then why do you.. I don't know. If I'm so capable, why do you insist on doing everything for me. You're not my crutch. Clearly I don't need my hand being held."

He regretted the words as soon as he said them, but the deep rooted anger and sadness Hosah held toward this topic got the best of him.

Teddy stood in an astonished silence as he leant in the door frame.

"Because I want to." The tall figure blocking out the hallway's light laughed slightly as he spoke, a laugh that said, 'Isn't it obvious?'.

"I want to take care of you. I want to make things easier if I can. Yeah, you're capable, but that doesn't mean it's not still nice for someone to go out of their way to help you. If I asked you to get me something from the fridge, you'd do it, right? You just... need to let me help you. I won't if you don't want me to, but you need to decide that for yourself." Teddy continued.

Right now, all Hosah wanted to do was to shrink down and sit in the giants hands. 'Yes, of course you can take care of me, you can clip my wings and tell me what to do, and I'd do it without question.' , he thought.

Hosah turned to face the towering figure, "I just.. I don't want you to see me differently, From now, to when I'm small." He explained, his voice much quieter, as if he had something in his throat as he spoke.

"I don't think of you differently." Teddy put it bluntly.

"That's easier said than done." The shifter shrugged as his eyes moved down to the floor as they usually did when he got apprehensive over something.

"Hosah." His tone had shifted, now much more stern, but not necessarily angry, "You're probably the one person in the world I have the most respect and admiration for. I'd be an idiot to think of you any less than I would.. I don't know, some highly intelligent Nobel prize winning scholar dude, doesn't matter if you're five foot or three inches."

"I'm five seven." Hosah corrected, stood with his arms folded and his head hanging low, clearly not having much to substance to carry his arguments anymore. That was the problem with logical people, they solved all your issues far too fast, not giving you the time of day to just be angry about it before finding a solution.

"Five seven, then. Like I said, doesn't matter. I.." Teddy lost his words, he sounded tired, maybe sad, enough to make the shifter feel guilty for the entire discussion.

"I love you, Hosah." Finally, after maybe three long seconds, Teddy spoke again.

What? Seriously? Hosah's brain moved at a hundred miles an hour, surely he couldn't have heard right, there was no way in the world. He tried to say something, but instead, all that came out were stuttering gasps. He could feel his face becoming hotter by the second as his eyes stayed locked onto the carpeted floor, unable to even consider lifting them to look at Teddy's, probably smug, face.

As expected, the figure by the door laughed at Hosah's pathetic attempt at responding,

"What, do your friends not tell you they love you usually?" Teddy smiled, moving in closer towards the shifter, placing a hand about the size of Hosah's entire head on his shoulder.

Of course, how could he be so stupid.

"No, it's just, I thought you meant it differently for a second. Ha-ha." The shifter tried his best to keep his cool, but his furrowed eyebrows and blushing cheeks gave him away.

The pale hand traced up Hosah's neck until it found its way to his face, cupping the burning cheek in its palm, the thumb caressing the smooth, tanned surface, which didn't fail to make it a much deeper red colour. The shifter stood silently, his mouth slightly agape, although still holding his breath with a sharp inhale of surprise at the touch.

"Well," Teddy spoke softly, smiling just enough for his crooked tooth to stick out from his top lip, "Maybe I do, in a way."

That was all he wanted to hear. The words Hosah had prayed would come out of his mouth from the moment he opened it. It all came together, after weeks of debating whether he even had a chance or not, he could finally answer all his questions. But, as a million cases in his head came to a close, around the same amount were opened right back up again, this time with more dead ends and false leads, leaving them to go cold with the lack of any kind of explanation.

"Don't mess with me like that." Hosah's head hung down, his hand barely able to wrap around the wrist of the man cupping his cheek.

Despite how hard his chest beat and how the butterflies fluttered in his stomach, he couldn't help but blink the tears out of his eyes as he feared it was all a big joke. An elaborate plan to make a fool out of himself, living the rest of his time with Teddy in utter shame and embarrassment as the awkwardness of their unreciprocated feelings hung heavily in the air, polluting the apartment until they'd both suffocate in the unresolved, unspoken and unmentioned tension.

"I'm not messing with you. I'm serious." And he really did sound serious.

There was no way, though. No way that someone like Teddy, someone so sweet and so gorgeous, could ever be attracted to Hosah. He wouldn't believe it no matter how many times he heard it. The shifter couldn't help but scoff, his grip tightening around the wrist.

"Hosah," Teddy's other hand grabbed hold of the other side of Hosah's face, lifting his chin with both of his thumbs until the brown eyes met his own, "It's true. Of course it's true. I thought I was being obvious with all the touchiness." He was laughing, but the shifter was still too discombobulated to see the humour in any of it.

"You're so confusing, I don't know what you think." Hosah gave his roommate a playful jab in the stomach, unable to say anything else about the news he'd just been told.

The feeling could only be described at euphoric. The shifter had felt like a monstrous pervert with what he'd been thinking of Teddy. His brain would start to sizzle and fry just at the thought of a time where his forearms were visible as he loomed over the shifter's shrunken form; to Teddy, it was probably nothing, but to him, it was absolutely everything and more. It was always these tiny details that had him the most worked up. Hosah didn't really care about if they were jacked or if they were insanely beautiful, although those were definitely bonuses, but he cared about nice hands, good, thick calves, broad shoulders, all the things that would come in handy.

"You don't get to talk about confusing, you've been giving me mixed signals since day one." Teddy pressed his forehead against the shifter's, the tips of their noses touching as they did, well, however long ago it was. The days had been blurring together lately.

It took much more energy than usual to stay regular sized. "That's just the way I am, I guess," Hosah smiled despite the rush of conflicting thoughts and feelings, as he grappled against his own body to keep the few inches he felt slowly draining from his body.

"You don't have to hold back, it's okay." It was getting quite obvious that the shifter was now standing on the tips of his toes, and Teddy always picked up on everything, even things Hosah would try his best to hide.

And in the blink of an eye, Hosah was back to his usual self. Although it wasn't exactly entirely normalised, the shifter felt the most comfortable when he was about this height. Three inches tall, a slight bit bigger than Teddy's thumb. It was perfect, he could slip and slink under the radar without anyone realising he was even there in the first place. Hosah had become used to being a shadow in the city, everyone is here because they dream big, being exceptional in your home town out in butt-fuck nowhere just didn't cut it here, and the shifter had come to accept that. He accepted it the moment he had to quit baseball because he just couldn't be a regular height for long enough, he accepted it when he'd finish a painting and still feel like he could do so much more, and most importantly, he'd accepted it when it had been told straight to his face.

There was no chance of him being a big shot out here, which is why it scared him so deeply when someone like Teddy saw him as he was, something special. Not just another face in the crowd, but an individual with good qualities and flaws, scars and all, he saw the shifter as someone worthy enough to fall in love with.

He didn't get it. Who was he in comparison to the giant that sat on his hands and knees over him. He was nothing, a weed growing from the cracks in the sidewalk, an inconvenient breeze that ruffled the hair of the passers by, truly forgettable and insignificant when compared to the likes of Teddy. It made sense why the police didn't bother with the almost a hundred letters, and why they didn't bother looking into his uncle's sudden dropping off of the face of the earth. People like him didn't even take up space in this world, making them all the more worthless. He needed to take a break from work, stop analysing every word his stalker wrote to him, as it seemed to really be getting to his head and psyche.

"I.. I don't know what to do now." Hosah admitted, finally looking up to see the giant face above him. This is what he wanted, but now that he had it, what else was there to look forward to?

"I mean.. We don't have to necessarily do anything." Teddy's voice was much more hushed, something he'd taken into account ever since hurting the shifter's much smaller ears.

Hosah didn't say anything, he didn't have the mental energy to think of anything useful to add. The pale hand which dwarfed him in comparison inched closer to the shifter's shrunken form. They were good hands. Almost paper white, although his knuckles and fingertips were still red from being out in the cold. Nice, large, gentle hands. It was all Hosah could really ask for. Teddy's fingers weren't like his own, they were straight, and cut off almost like perfect rectangles at the end, although they were anything but sharp and rough. His recollection of the digits seemed to be correct, as a bent finger brushed the same cheek the same hand once held in its palm. This was nice. No confrontation of their feelings, just silent touch.

"I didn't expect it to be like this." The shifter finally commented, leaning into the touch like it was the last time he'd ever receive it.

Although he wasn't looking at his face, he could tell Teddy had that stupid, goofy smile on his face that he always wore whenever he had a one-up on Hosah.

"What do you mean?" Teddy said in a quietened laugh. The shifter wondered what the pair looked like from a different angle, and how ridiculous the giant would be from a birds-eye sort of view, as he sat on all fours with his back bent almost inhumanly in order to get closer to Hosah in his new form.

"In the movies they.. I don't know, they confess their love and they kiss passionately and suddenly they've got it all figured out and it's smooth sailing from there. But I still have no idea. It's all the same, except, I guess some things have been... cleared up." The shifter rambled on with no control over what specifically he said, not that this was a problem when in Teddy's company.

"Maybe it's the kissing passionately part we're missing. That's the key," The giant joked, but with how he looked towering above the shifter, his hair cascaded forward, the overhead lamp looking almost like a halo from this angle, honestly made Hosah want to try it out.

The shifter gave a sigh of amusement, "Don't get too ahead of yourself."

"Right," Teddy inhaled sharply, second guessing himself before continuing, "If you want to go.. Really super slow, we should do that. I don't want to bring all of this onto you when there's a lot going on. I don't know. It feels kind of sudden, I just.. Said it, I couldn't really hold it in for much longer."

"It's okay. I don't think I would've really lasted either. Things don't have to change, we don't really act like just friends anyway." Reminiscing on the month, or, however long it'd been as it felt like years, that they'd known each other, Hosah realised just how couple-y they'd acted all along. He didn't know any just friends that held hands on the street or that held each other in the night.

"Maybe not," Teddy sighed, his smile softy spread across his perfect pink cheeks, a satisfied and content expression that told Hosah all would be okay.

And for a moment, it really did feel like everything would be okay. There was no stalker in the window, there was no sudden phone call of a case reopening, there was nothing, in fact. The city was unusually quiet, as if everyone and everything had stopped in place just for the two of them to have this moment.

The giant really was beautiful, Hosah thought to himself as he sat, leant back with his neck craned up to face the figure that towered over his shrunken body. A kind of once-in-a-lifetime, unforgettable type of beauty that one would dream about for years after seeing a glimpse of out of the corner of their eye, or in the reflection of a window, or when the train passes through a crowded station. The sort of face that would make you do a double take in the street, which people most certainly did.

It was all his little features that stuck out the most, especially at such an angle. His hair curled at the ends, clearly wanting to go into coils but either it wasn't long enough or it wasn't being taken care of properly to be able to do so. His cheeks were covered in small, dark freckles, as were his arms and his legs, and even his hands and fingers. Even Teddy's nose was perfectly sculpted, completely straight and symmetrical, unlike his thick, bushy eyebrows that Hosah itched to pluck at and clean up as he obsessively did his own. He wondered how far his freckles went down, if the giant had one on his stomach and chest like his own abnormally large and almost quite garish mole on his abdomen which completely dwarfed his belly button.

"You look deep in thought." Teddy commented, shifting from his knees to laying on his stomach on the carpeted floor. They could've just moved to the bed, as the sun had already long set; the creepy cat clock that hung menacingly on the crowded wall was just about to strike eleven.

The shifter stood to his full, minimal height, the hand making him look as small as ever in comparison. Each crevice of the palm fit perfectly into his own, as if they were two pieces of a much bigger jigsaw puzzle that needed to be put together to reveal the full picture. Hosah wasn't really one to believe in fate or a magical red string, but as his fragile body went limp against the flesh wall, each groove of his back being effortlessly supported by the- slightly calloused but still, blissfully soft palm, he thought for a brief second that this was just right. He didn't need the cabin by the lake, or his job at the detectives agency, he didn't even need anyone else in the world to keep him company, just Teddy and this moment would be enough for him.

Hosah thought about what the doctor had told him the previous day; a concept called the butterfly effect, that one seemingly small and insignificant choice or event can cause a long trail of consequences, completely altering the course of someone’s life forever. That theory seemed to check out, as from the clouded window, he could see the stars shone bright through the light polluted city sky for the first time in years.

[nabateaprodigy]

Okay I should have made this post a few days ago...but still! I'm making it now I've just been having so much fun with P3R and so much has been happening! Anyways spoilers for the November story content!

I KNEW IT!! I FUCKING KNEW IT!!! I KNEW HE WAS EVIL I ABSOLUTELY CALLED THIS I KNEW HE WAS EVIL!!

Mhmm only "persona users" or "those with potential" can be active during the dark hour. So why are you able to walk around during the dark hour? 🤨

I absolutely knew from that fact alone there was something sus about this dude and yet I didn't really think about it. Okay, but fr he actually went full-on crazy!!

I won't lie the way his eyes looked during the cut scenes actually freaked me out a little bit 😭😭😭. And, like, just his general demeanour freaked me. I really couldn't believe it. How he was acting I mean.

Still, I should have KNOWN the fact he and Aigis being away for so long was weird. I wasn't surprised the dark hour was still a thing because no way the game was going to end there, lol.

Ngl I'm really going to miss seeing Pharos! I really liked him and the friendship he was forming with Makoto. Although part of me thinks he might just show up again.

From Shuji's rant and Pharos Social Link being "Death" there's definitely some connection. Especially with the Sacrifices Shuji had planned to rebirth the world.

But eh, I dunno. It's all so confusing, and there are definitely some things I don't know yet to fully talk about. Honestly thinking about the lore and story this deeply gives me a headache lol.

I've really grown to love all these characters a lot. More than I would have, honestly, but they're all great, and I love them!

Also gotta say Fuuka is hella relatable just for the bullying and the type of person she is. I'M BAD AT COOKING AS WELL GIRL

UNFORTUNATELY, I didn't take a scene of it, but Fuuka restored the video of Yukari's dad and then gave it to her. OOF, that scene was emotional, and learning that defeating the Shadows at full moons was the opposite of what they were supposed to do.

It definitely must have been a crushing blow to everyone's motivation for what they were fighting for but especially for Yukari. But still getting to see Yukari to see the full message from her dad and then accept his death and finally begin to move on from it was incredible.

I love Yukari so much she's such a great character 😭😭😭.

I would like to talk about the other characters as well at least for right now. But hmm I am struggling to find things to say about them. (AKA still hurting from a character death where I directly need to mention two other characters are length.

At least right now, anyway, I think I'll have to progress more in the story to give some thoughts about them.

However, I can touch on Mitsuru for a moment here. Although what happened to her didn't make me cry (compared to another character's death...)it mostly definitely got me close because of how damn sad it was.

Just seeing the state she's in right now is horrible. Just going from this calm, collected, level-headed leader to someone so quiet and distant is weird.

Of course, it's understandable, considering what has just happened to her. But still, it's so very odd to see the way she's acting. And I love that everyone else in the dorm is so worried about her.

I'm sure the picture that was taken that night, even if it didn't turn out how she or anyone else wanted, I'm sure she'll look back on it fondly.

Also, I really need to take more screenshots of things that happen. But I just get so absorbed in what's happening and shocked by story moments I forget! But I'll definitely be sure to try and take a lot more!

[edgarwayne]

Edgar at a glance

“If it makes you happy it doesn't have to make sense to others…”

NAME: Edgar Lawton-Beckwith Wayne ALIASES: Professor/Doctor/Mr. Wayne. While by his colleagues Edgar prefers they use his first name or official title, he never expects the kiddos to call him anything outside of Mr. AGE: 48 [Born April 3rd] OCCUPATION: 6th grade teacher, former English and Literature Professor at Harvard ARRIVED: Early March 2018 GENDER/PRONOUNS: Cis Male, He/Him SEXUALITY: Gay as all hell QUIRKS: Has two pet rats named Allen and Poe, Allen being white and Poe being black. Because rats have very short life spans, every few years after mourning his pets Edgar gets a new pair and names them after various classic authors. Will easily go into full ramble mode on literature, history, and how they intersect, if given a chance.  Terrified of horses; a fact he pointedly ignored when his first crush and kiss was from another boy in the stables at a summer camp. Edgar thrives on organized chaos.  His home office is an absolute mess, but he wouldn’t want it any other way.  Has two PhDs from Oxford in English and Literature & the Arts.  Has dyscalculia. Left handed, which has made crafting difficult at times. [honestly there’s so many more quirks but this list is already too long]

BIOGRAPHY

Edgar is sheepish to admit it, but he comes from a wealthy family back in England. His childhood was a happy one, until his dad went missing when he was six years old. Rumors say that Mr. Wayne ran off with a mistress, but Victoria refused to believe that, insisting her husband would one day come home again. The absence of his dad was certainly not lost on Edgar as he grew up.  In his childhood he adored Leo; he had been a good man and had fostered the boy’s love for reading.  That passion fueled Edgar to pursue an education in literature, finding a career as an English professor.  

For a while it became just the two of them, with Victoria raising Edgar herself. They were inseparable, much to the disdain of Edgar's paternal grandfather. So many of Edgar’s hobbies and favorite pass times came from her.  They would spend hours gardening, sewing, playing board games and cards.  Edgar loved his mum dearly.  And so, when she passed away a few years after her husband’s disappearance, it broke little Edgar’s heart.  He was taken into the guardianship of his paternal grandparents, and life was hard for the boy from that point onward.

The elder Wayne always had a sneaking suspicion about Edgar's homosexuality, and hated how "effeminate" the boy had turned out to be after being raised by his mother. Their relationship was frayed to say the least. When Edgar wasn't attending private school he was sent off to summer camps to "man him up" as his grandfather put it. While his grandmother wasn't as cruel, she never spoke out against her husband's treatment of Edgar, and so their relationship hardly existed either.

It was a bittersweet relief when his grandparents passed away. While Edgar did not have any other particularly "close" relatives, it was a massive weight off his shoulders when he was allowed to be himself without ridicule and malice. With peace he was able to finish his double major in graduate school and set off for a new career across the pond.

While working at Harvard, Edgar met a medical doctor named Christian and fell madly in love. For the first three years it was a fairytale romance, until jealousy and low self-esteem showed an uglier side of Christian's personality. The other man never got violent toward Edgar, though dishes were thrown to walls; belittling and possessiveness took over the once happy couple for the following two years. Desperate to escape, Edgar packed his bags, used cash to rent a car, and drove west. He's unsure how long he would have kept going, if not for the road eventually leading to Huntsville.

Trapped in the mysterious town, Edgar was a bit disappointed when he was told there were no open positions at the high school, but he was welcome to work at the elementary school if he so desired. He had even been offered the position of vice principal given his advanced degrees and experience, but ultimately he decided that teaching was his true passion. It was a hard transition from being a college professor to working with such young children, but Edgar found that he genuinely enjoyed the experience and the welcome distraction from having to think about Christian and all he went through in Massachusetts.

At first Edgar didn't fully believe what he had been told about the monsters, but soon enough he learned that they were no cautionary tale. For the last five years he has been struggling to keep his fear from showing outward. Not a fear for himself per se, but for all the children who have been entrusted under his care and their families. For the ones who he has become close to in his time at Huntsville. But so long as he can keep smiling, only breaking down when he's home alone, then Edgar considers that a victory in itself.

[brilliumsphere]

Here's my take on this. Long post incoming.

This is a situation where, for the most part, art and life are in a loop of reinforcing the concept of romance. Growing up watching rom-coms absolutely will influence how you interpret being attracted to somebody and your expectations of romance. I think there are many factors that affect how deeply we internalize these romantic ideas that can have a wide variety of results. Some people don't see a rom-com until they've already watched hundreds of overt works of fiction, and as such, they regard it as more overt fiction. Some people will have had experiences comparable to the events of a rom-com long before seeing a rom-com, so when they do, to them, it is a depiction of reality. Some people are raised to understand that getting happily married is the height of achievement, and some are children of painful divorce.

These life events and how you have interacted with romantic media will dramatically affect your views on romance, love, and sex in more ways than you can easily comprehend. All of these things happening are molding you and your brain.

Personal story below the break 👇

For me, my first crush was on a girl a few grades my senior who did an unexpectedly kind thing for me. Nothing ever came of it, of course, she saw me as equivalent to her little brother who was in my class. Another crush was similar, but on a girl who seemed exceptionally cool. I remember getting upset hearing some kids spreading unpleasant rumors about her. I was easy friends with most of the girls in my class before I started to correlate concepts of sex and love with them. Then everything seemed so much more confusing. My attempts to channel any kind of sexual appeal ended with embarrassment. It was simpler to not be too occupied with such things. Let friends be friends. Then some guy friends started saying that one of my girl friends should be *my* *girlfriend*. Started suggesting moves for me to try. When I obliged, things were embarrassing again. I was acting without really understanding, all because of social pressures. External motivation. So I stopped, I apologized. We stayed friends. I didn't know how to talk about these things. I didn't feel romantic or sexual attraction to this girl. I just thought she was nice. Before middle school started, I ended up moving away. I remember once, some time later, getting a message from my dad that that girl had asked about me. Asked if I would come back. I never did. I can imagine how awkward that must have been to ask my dad like that. I wonder how she felt about me. I wonder how things might have been different if I had stayed.

I don't think I'm exactly aromantic, but I do think rom-coms aren't realistic. But I've also been in love. In fact, I was in love with someone who would later tell me it was love at first sight for her. And prior to her, I think I had just sort of settled into a state of thinking love wasn't something that was for me. That relationship ended up as a very complicated saga of love that spanned the last 13 years, but ultimately, I failed to be what she wanted in a relationship. So many times, I found myself hitting new depths of emotion in that relationship, both positive and negative. But I always struggled to express my feelings. Struggled to be proactive. To act like the lead of a romance. I always felt like she wanted me to love her in a way that I just couldn't. I couldn't mirror that crazy-about-you, music swelling, constantly-on-your-mind kind of love that she felt. I definitely got much closer with every try. But I couldn't see the romance in marriage. Not until it was too late.

So yeah, everyone experiences love differently, for a thousand different reasons. Some kinds of love won't work for you. Sometimes you will really love someone and won't be able to make them feel it. All you can do is try to be kind, caring, and understanding. Try to understand their love and hopefully, the person you love will be able to understand your love too.

A lot of the time when I see people talk about aromanticism they bring up the way a lot of us tend to think that romance is just exaggerated in fiction and are surprised that people feel that way in real life and not just in the movies and that's honestly kind of funny, imagine just going about your life and one day finding out that most people's high school years were actually like disney channel and you're the exception

[go-learn-esperanto]

Me Trying to Give Wilbur an Ability but Doing an Analysis on The Hitting on 16 Poem in the Process. More at 8.

I know I keep coming back to the topic of the consequences of Wilbur's lineage in relation to him but that's a topic I absolutely love so here I am with a more serious headcanon on the matter.

Philza is the Angel of Death, and the majority of people headcanon him to be the one that guides souls to their resting place. His wife, lovely Kristin, is the Goddess of Death, probably taking care and taking control of the death realm.

They have some very interesting positions and probably special abilities related to them (Like Philza's wings). Kristin probably dictates what'll happen with the souls of the dead (I don't think she has control over their limbos — to me it looks like the Limbos are created by what the person who died thinks they deserve. Wilbur's self-deprecating nature giving way to what is essentially Hell to him, Jack just being able to revive himself by his sheer belief that it wasn't his time, Tommy having a weird one where it wasn't probably as bad as it could've been. It wasn't great don't get me wrong, but he wasn't alone and given the fact that when Tommy felt alone he called for Wilbur... I think despite its problems he rather be with Wilbur, Schlatt and specially Mexican Dream than be alone. Also whatever was going on with Schlatt's gym IDK).

So now that we have that understanding I believe that Wilbur would get something out of being Philza and Kristin's son, besides of course, not aging.

We know that Fundy got his ability to kinda predict the future. His mother Sally probably just gave him the ability to turn into a fox since she was a shape-shifter (sorry salmon Sally thruethers, if CC!Wilbur was ok with the idea of her being a shape-shifter then I'm using it to my advantage). Anywway, Fundy got his dream prophecies most likely from his dad's side.

So what does Wilbur have that's special? Born in a family of deities he's got to have something.

There's where I turn to Hitting on 16, more precisely, Wilbur's poem.

I am the gilding of the gold

I am the painting of the lily

I am the crushing of the sand

I am the tirading tide of bland

I am the taunting silver light which penetrates and scars the sky

I am the remnant hopes and dreams of all good men that come to die

I am the surgeon’s chromium dagger

I am turgid Las Nevadas

I was initially going straight to the point but I can't help myself. So I'm gonna do an analysis of just the meaning. I know someone has already done a very good in-depth analysis of both the form and meaning of this poem but I want to show my interpretation just so it might be a little bit easier to explain my thought process later.

The other analysis of the poem that I did not check or remember before making this one. The only thing I took from there was the lily of the valley initial idea. After that I did my own research so these interpretations might look very different... And mine might be stupid but it's too late to go back.

Dividers by @/firefly-graphics

I am the gilding of the gold

Gilding means, taken from the Oxford defenition “the process of applying gold leaf or gold paint. / the material used in, or the surface produced by, gilding.

example: ‘flaws in the surface will show through the gilding’”

Wilbur thinks of himself as the "gilding of the gold". I believe he almost looks at himself like the lesser valuable form of gold. Or almost like he was just trying to put a facade (the gilding) to hide the how damaged he is, but in the end it's still possible to see the cracks behind it.

I am the painting of the lily

I love this verse for the symbolism of the lilies. More specifically the lily of the valley. They have quite contradictory meanings since they are somehow both good flowers for weddings and funerals. They represent rebirth, good luck and happiness after a bad situation. They are also associated with death a lot, and sadness because of it. I think I don't need to explain why the meaning of rebirth fits him so well.

This with the added factor that when Kristin was in the Dream SMP (in Phil's body) she decided she wanted something to remember her time in the mortal realm. So she went to L'Manburg and picked a flower as a souvenir. The flower was, you guessed it, a Lily of the valley.

I believe this verse really sets that this poem really is a more profound look into what Wilbur thinks of himself and his relations with the world. But back to topic.

I am the crushing of the sand

This one is a little bit more difficult to interpret. Not counting me wanting to make a joke about Wilbur eating sand, We have to realise that Wilbur is in Las Nevadas at this moment of the story. In fact, Wilbur said he wrote the poem because he thought that if Las Nevadas was destroyed it wouldn't be a big loss.

Wilbur thought that the Las Nevadas’ skyline was bare. Propped up haphazardly in the middle of a desert and held together with concrete and tape, there’s not much that could be lost if a tornado swept through the entire place. He had written a poem about it before while ignoring Ranboo, talking about something he was far too interested in.

Regardless he feels like the sound of someone walking on the sand. Like he's the one crushing Las Nevada's maybe.

I am the tirading tide of bland

Tirading means “a long, angry speech expressing strong disapproval”. This is interesting since bland can literally mean boring or without emotion. To be a tide that seems both angry and without emotion is a bit of an antithesis. Tides are also something forever changing, something you'd know if you had listened to Roadtrip by Dream. >;)

My theory is that it eaither represents Wilbur's actions doing an 180° very quickly (from thinking they, Wilbur and Tommy, needed to overthrow Shlatt to suddenly believing they are the bad guys which are bit of the symptoms of his black and white mentality) or that he feels like his own arguments don't matter in the end.

I am the taunting silver light which penetrates and scars the sky

I think it's safe to assume he's referring to lightening.

This could very much be alluding to the act of bringing someone to life Mary Shelley style. In that sense Wilbur either literally is looking at himself being revived from being just a corpse or perhaps, and maybe this poem reinforces this meaning in the end of the story, it means Wilbur is finally feeling like he's alive after not feeling like he had been for a very long time.

It also brings an idea that he is the bringer of something scarier. Destruction mayhaps. After all, after the lightening there's always thunder.

I am the remnant hopes and dreams of all good men that come to die

Well, Wilbur is talking about his time as L'Manburg's General and subsequent President. In both ways he feels like he is what drives people to fight for what they love (L'Manburg) however simultaneously he brings those people, who he seems to care about, to die.

I believe this verse was born out of Wilbur's guilt and probably also viewing himself superior in the way that he is the one people actually follow. Kind how he felt humbled by Quackity wanting him in government but instantly acted that he was into a too high position to be considered a vice president. He is the one that leads the men, even if it's for the bitter end.

And I may have cried while writing this so let's move on before I cover my tablet with actual tears.

I am the surgeon’s chromium dagger

Now it might surprise you but there exists some daggers with the caduceus symbol, the symbol of medicine.

They seem to be called asclepius daggers.

(Asclepius is a Greek demigod, son of Apollo).

The medical symbol is a serpent, and in Greek mythology they represent wisdom.

Quackity proceeds to mention later in the story that he wishes to have Wilbur's wisdom.

Also! Chromium is used in combination to make the metal stronger. It has a blue tinge. I don't really know how that might connect but I decided to leave the information here anyway.

I am turgid Las Nevadas

I believe turgid takes in this context the meaning of “tediously pompous or bombastic”

This is most likely a call to Wilbur's plan of blowing something (the horse) up and his own association with explosions, something I don't see the need to explain since I assume everyone is familiar with November 16th.

It's also probably an insult to Las Nevadas.

The most interesting part is his association with Las Nevadas. In a way he is actually degrading himself. By both calling Las Nevadas turgid in the sense that it's pumpus and that he wants to blow it up / if it was destroyed tomorrow nothing of importance would be lost AND writing all of this poem in the first person, calling himself the turgid Las Nevadas, he is perpetuating his self-harm in a figurative way. Wilbur just said that if he was gone nothing would be truly lost.

Plus you could argue that by putting himself in Las Nevadas place he is demonstrating that he wishes for Quackity's attention. Maybe as much as Quackity gives to the country.

So why am I doing all this analysis besides being a bit crazy?

I want to talk about the sixth verse specifically. Yes the one that made me cry.

I am the remnant hopes and dreams of all good men that come to die

It might be a bit self-centred and sad but Wilbur does have a point. He's very good making people do anything for a cause or idea, even if it means putting their life in the line. Sometimes he even does it without wanting to (Coff Coff Ranboo Coff Coff).

This is what makes others regard him as dangerous. It's not his explosives. It's how he can lead people to believe and sacrifice themselves.

That's what I think it's Wilbur's ability in the end.

Sacrifice.

It's poetic in a way. And it's very much connected with death, if the L'Manburg war, November 16th and Ranboo have anything to say about it.

It's not like I think sacrifice doesn't exist in the end. Like I don't think death would stop existing if Philza and Kristin disappeared. I think they are more like catalysts for those things.

I also don't believe sacrifice is always negative (like Death isn't inherently bad). There's ways of sacrificing things without having death as a consequence (Tommy sacrificing his disks for L'Manburg for example).

If Wilbur sacrificed his negative view of himself, and his ego, for the happiness of the ones he cares about. then he might finally learn that there are people who care — and cared — about him. Getting his shit together would make people happier than his absence. Maybe then he'd learn his suicide in November 16th didn't benefit anyone — save for Dream.

Perhaps then he'd start living for any other reason than being afraid of what death brings.

[kris-p-banana-bread]

Here DOAFP fandom, have some organic, locally-sourced, home-grown pain. This is basically just me, a scarred older sibling, projecting on Bobby, another scarred older sibling. I really reached into my post-loss psyche for this, so I hope you enjoy the headcanons and meta (AKA I hope you shed at least one tear).

It won’t let me link it here so the post that inspired this is under the read more at the bottom ✨

- When I first watched doafp, I couldn't understand Elena's aversion to Sam becoming a prominent figure in her mom's and her life. Now I understand it almost too perfectly. There was never supposed to be someone after Robert. He and Gabi were deeply in love and happy. Robert was it; he was the first and true love of Gabi's life. Sam showing up probably felt like a huge and utterly disrespectful slap in the face of Robert's memory, because he wasn't even supposed to be there. I don't know if that's as eloquent as I wish it was, or if it makes sense, and it probably sounds really mean to Sam, but it's not even really about him. It was always supposed to be Robert; Sam hasn’t earned the right to be apart of or associated with her family

- After Robert dies, Gabi and Bobby make it a habit to find and keep photos and recordings/videos of Robert, even if the latter only has him saying one sentence. They won't make Elena join them for the search, but after they find some of those old audios of Robert, they'll sometimes play them back for little Elena

- Bobby put up the keep out sign (I credit this to a few other blogs for discussing this tho) because that's where he would cry sometimes. He actually used to be pretty close with Elena, but after he put up that sign and started distancing himself from them a bit so they wouldn't see the times he cracked, he got a little more short and jaded with her. It's that, plus just growing into a teenager and stuff. And I'm not saying that he and Elena have a bad relationship, but he's become more snappy and has more walls up than he used to

- Sometimes Elena feels bad because she doesn't always remember her dad's voice. She was pretty young when he died, so even though she recalls it a bit, and the recordings help, it's been a while since she's talked to him in person, so of course she doesn't quite remember what it's like to actually talk to Robert and she's forgotten some of his mannerisms. She likes to think she's all done (she marked the stages down in her grief journal after all) but grief isn't linear or all that rational, so it hits her hard sometimes

- I keep reading as an action close to my heart because that's a strong bond me and my mom shared. She would rec books to me, and we would joke and talk about them, or she would hint to some future event and then refuse to tell me until I caught up to that part. So Elena and Bobby do something similar in their grief. Elena has writing and words, because that's something Robert loved if I remember correctly (but if I’m not and that’s not canon, then I now declare it so) and Bobby has tennis. But besides tennis (I sent a couple anons to @freshlybakedfandoms about it but I'm not sure where she went) Bobby also was taught to play guitar by Robert (I liken it to Devi Vishwakumar and her harp) so when he misses his dad or is just sad, he'll take out his dad's old acoustic and strum

- (This next one is something I also think a lot about so this is pretty much 98% projection) Bobby thinks sometimes about the fact that he was never able to come out to his dad. He hadn't really started growing into that part of himself yet, and he never got to show it to his father. He wonders what he would have thought of him. Would he be angry? Would he dismiss him and say it was just a phase? Bobby didn't think so, but a little part of him insisted that you could never be too sure. After he comes out, Gabi and Cami assure him that Robert would've been so proud of him and would've loved him regardless (Since we know virtually nothing about him, I maintain that Robert was one of those dads who teases their kid relentlessly about their crushes and I think he would've done that with Bobby and eventually Elena)

- When Elena's quince rolls around (if she chooses to have one of course), Sam dances with her during the father-daughter dance. A part of her still hurts, still aches and wishes that Robert were dancing with her too; still knows on some fundamental level that he and Gabi had planned for this day, but he had simply never made it. But she's known Sam long enough that she feels comfortable here. Nobody can replace Robert, but Sam is her family, and it feels right like this.

- I might do some more research and deliberate, but for the moment I'm saying that Robert had cancer, I’m thinking along the lines of colon. My mom was terminal, but idk if I should make Robert terminal? Maybe towards the end. Or maybe he was diagnosed as incurable early on but Gabi kept it from the kids because, tbh, being told your parent is balancing on that kind of edge is traumatic for them. So anyways, I’m going on that assumption for this last point, and I’ll see if I can recover some of my old knowledge and talk about technical stuff later if anybody would like to hear it

- Elena and Bobby were both pretty young. Bobby understood about PET scans and tests somewhat, and knew generally what different answers from doctors meant. Elena mainly just understood what was happening by reading her parents' and brother's expressions when getting lab results in from the doctor. They both remember on some level what it was like when Gabi would leave the kids with Cami and take Robert out to the car (later she would have to help him) and they would all feel like they were holding their breath until they got back and confirmed that everything was ok (and later, the little shocks of fear when the answers were no longer as positive and there was more apprehension and risks. After all, cancer doesn’t deal in absolutes)

- Bobby can still remember Robert when he had to stop walking around a lot. He still remembers the phone call that Cami got from his mom, saying that something had gone wrong, and if this last treatment didn’t work, he wouldn’t have much time before he passed. Still remembers Cami rushing into a room when she got that call, and trying to hide what was happening until Gabi could get home and explain it; but Bobby was a sharp kid believe it or not. He heard about the treatment, heard Cami crying. He still had hope... but when Robert came home in a gurney, when he could barely stay awake sometimes, when his voice was quiet and his skin was a little jaundiced, Bobby felt incredibly empty. But Robert always had a smile for his wife and his beautiful kids, even if it was small and very tired, his eyes still crinkled the same. He always had a smile; right up until they had to say goodnight and get some sleep one night. And then... he passed.

- After he passed, the Cañero-Reeds needed help, and a lot of Gabi’s coworkers would bring food or materials if they were running low. Cami and Danielle would babysit and would distract the kids when Gabi needed a good cry.

- Like you’d imagine, and because of what is sort of implied in canon and in my own head, the kids dealt with it in different ways. Bobby put up that sign, and withdrew. He wasn’t awful, but his patience with certain people got a bit shorter and he was a bit quieter. And he was a really good helper when he had the energy and he cared deeply, but he would sometimes get physically and emotionally exhausted after helping Gabi/Elena/Cami/anybody else with something and would go into his room or mentally tap out to recharge. He took comfort in things that seemed natural and that he sometimes took for granted before, like video games and skateboarding (hehe bobby skateboards. Anybody second me on this?) and clothes etc... and other stuff. A lot of materialistic things or experiences that he would skip out on before. But they bring normalcy back to his life now so he loves them for that.

- Bobby doesn’t wanna think about big themes or anything anymore, which I can’t remember but I think it was Vi (freshlybakedfandoms, again, idk where she is and I hope she’s ok) who said he was a math and science person and I think that as much as that could transfer over to those subjects as well, it’s much harder to avoid existential and emotional themes in English and History class and Bobby doesn’t like it as much as Elena does for that reason. He had to live with the back and forth of his dad’s treatments and tests, so math and science is comforting because it’s more concrete (There could be a million arguments for why he would distrust math and science because of his dad’s passing though, I realize) Ultimately, though, it reminds him of Robert too much.

- On the other hand, after a period of shock and confusion, Elena threw herself into new things. First it was a grief journal, to make sure she was going through the motions. Then she read a lot, and when she felt too alone or like she wasn’t doing enough, like she was stagnant, she’d just find something to focus and persevere on again. That feels like her personality type to me; something is wrong so let’s fix it right away. But that could also transfer sort of negatively into “Something feels off or I’m very sad, let’s get this thing done and be productive so we can put off having to confront that but at least we get work out of it” but I could be entirely wrong (this is based off some of my family members and how they dealt with the loss.) And Elena throws herself into history and english because her dad loved it, and she wants to remember more of him. Because she believes words have power and history is a lesson and that’s incredibly interesting for her

[ironxkid]

How would Iron Man!Carter react if she saw Tony again? Like through a rip in the multiverse or something?

((I honestly wasn't planning on answering things tonight, but I had to answer this because I have a LOT of thoughts about it sdfghjsdgf

so... it’d be a mixed reaction. First and foremost, Carter would be in disbelief. She saw him die, so for him to one day show up alive and well is going to throw her for a spin. She’ll be shocked and will, honestly, probably refuse to believe it to be actually her father at first. After all... she doesn’t want to believe he had been alive all that time and just... never came back to her. The thought would cross her mind, and if she let herself think about it, it would absolutely crush her

but once she got over that, she’d be delighted! Like, genuinely delighted. Because... that’s her dad alive and well again, and, yeah, she’d probably cry lol - it’d be understandable. But, that would be short-lived, admittedly. One thing to understand is that Obadiah fucked over her mind badly, both which how she saw herself, and how she believed others saw her. He knew she struggled with the weight of the Stark legacy, and he used it against her - he tricked her into believing her father would be disappointed in her and that she would be failing her father if she didn’t do xyz, which was actually a factor in why she finished Ultron. So... all of that would come right to mind, and she wouldn’t be able to be near him. She’d be terrified, not of Tony, but... of the fact she’d have to face that disappointment. The fact she would have to face how she had failed him and only managed to ruin his legacy instead of continuing it. Carter has a tendency to deflect most of her problems in just about every verse (though I will say she’s getting better at not doing so in her main!), and that is amped up in the ikau. So... for her, it’d be infinitely easier to just... avoid her father as much as possible, and make herself scarce to everyone else as well, to avoid whatever they’d have to say about the situation. If someone confronted her about it or tried asking what was wrong, she would just lash out in response - albeit, her lashing out is normal, but... her temper would be worse for sure because her defensiveness would be ramped up

Carter misses her father. A lot. She was never allowed to properly grieve, so she can’t handle her emotions properly. Emotionally, she’s stunted af, which is why she tends get defensive, if not outright aggressive. Her mind is in a horrible place, which is why she tends to basically shut herself off to get through days where she’s right on the edge of falling apart, and... all of that would become worse if Tony reappeared. And... if that’s not her father? If she realized that that Tony wasn’t the one she had known, and one from a different universe? It’d crush her. He’d be back and... it’s not even him

a part of her would blame him for leaving her in Obadiah’s care, I think. Rationally, she knows her father would never have left her to Obadiah had he known how cruel he was, but... she’s in a lot of emotional pain, and while that’s absolutely not an excuse, she finds it easier to react in anger and/or deflect the blame onto someone else. In reality, she blames herself for Obadiah’s abusive nature, believing she had done something wrong, and to ease that pain, it’d be easy to just... push it off onto her father, even though she knows she’s wholly wrong for doing so. It... wouldn’t be something that’d last, however, because her guilt would outweigh her need for relief, but if she expressed that blame? Then the damage would be done, and she’d have to face the consequences of her actions, just like she did with everything else

however, if... that Tony can get through to her, Carter would fall apart. She’d tell him everything, from how it started and how (as far as she believes) she’d failed him, and how it was all her fault and that she never wanted this, and that she was trying, because she trusts him, no matter how she may have reacted at first. But it would only be if he can get through - otherwise, it’d just be her acting the same like she did with the others, if not colder. She... does actually blame herself for her father’s death - she has major survivor’s guilt, and often wonders if he’d still be alive if he hadn’t pulled her out of the car

overall, it’d just be a huge fucking mess lol - Carter can’t handle her emotions properly, and... it’d be damn apparent. And whether or not she even exists in the universe Tony came from would absolutely influence everything. I mean, if she doesn’t exist, it’s gonna be fucking awkward for him to kinda sorta have a daughter who... apparently hates his guts, and it’d kill Carter to get her father back only for him to... not be her father

also I’m gonna tag @thenexusofsouls​ because she answered something similar, which you can find here if it wasn’t you who sent the question to her lol

[aros001]

Going in blind: Watching season 2 for the first time. Random thoughts.

Huh. Only 7 episodes. Not complaining necessarily. For series with an ongoing plot I've definitely become more in favor with their seasons only having as many episodes as they need rather than them having to stretch themselves out to full up a certain number of episodes, which can lead to padding and just bad character moments.

Episode 1: Jeez. Catra visiting Shadow Weaver's cell just to rub her success in her face and verbally abuse her back for once. It's like a twisted version of Zuko and Ozai from ATLA. Catra's upbringing under her was abusive but this is far from a healthy way for her to deal with it. She's basically deliberately swimming in her resentment.

Episode 2: It's not that I'm rooting for her but by-golly was it fun to watch Catra act like just the absolute worst she could while she was Glimmer and Bow's captive.

I touched on this in season 1 but part of the drama of the heroes feeling guilt over leaving Entrapta behind is kind of lost on me a bit simply because it was her own fault it happened. She deliberately went back into the purge room because of her machine obsession, which then closed on her and erupted in flames. It was more than reasonable to assume she was dead and no one but her was to blame, so I'm not really able to be invested in their guilt over it.

That said, weirdly enough I do like that her "abandonment" doesn't seem to be even a blip on the radar for Entrapta herself. She hasn't joined the horde because she resents the heroes or felt left behind, she simply is so obsessed with machines and experimentation that she'll be on the side of whoever lets her do the most of that. Like, it's selfish and irresponsible but it's very in-character and I'd far rather have a traitor motivation be based in that over something stupid like a misunderstanding.

Episode 3: I love the mental image of Shadow Weaver thinking up princess-themed ghost stories to tell Adora as a child.

So, if the previous She-Ra Mara separated Eternia from the other realms/planets/whatever she did and that's what cut off the She-Ra line for 1000 years, I'm guessing Hordak may be from the time before that happened, thus his drive to create portals and calling Eternia a backwards world. Either he's naturally long-lived or his technology is extending his life.

Episode 4: You know, you could maybe argue it was vague enough that it could be taken other ways but I'm definitely getting some vibes here that Scorpia is crushing on Catra. She literally refers to the two of them as soulmates at one point. I know she says she's trying to be friends but this feels a level beyond that.

Fun little reference to the original She-Ra cartoon thrown in there (and maybe Cowboy Bebop...? James Bond...? What was Glimmer's art style supposed to be?). I like how it is more like just playful ribbing than anything outright dumping on the original. Again, I've never seen original She-Ra but whenever remakes/adaptations go out of their way to trash to the original I always kind of wonder why they bothered doing an adaptation if the original is just that bad? Also, I was having trouble sleeping so it was about 2am when I watched this episode and the very Eartha Kitt Catwoman Catra made it very difficult for me not to lose my **** and stay quiet. With how much of a contrast that version is from the one in this series, that was hilarious. Bonus note, it's a nice touch that Frosta's version of Catra is a pretty crasher in that sweet suit, since that's the only impression of Catra she's ever had.

Adora being a chosen one is definitely elevated up simply by how much the pressure of what she's supposed to be is getting to her. I'm likely going to keep making Avatar The Last Airbender comparisons throughout the series but that's partly because I went into this series figuring it'd be at least structured similar to ATLA (season 1 being more episodic and a little more kid-friendly as it builds up the world before getting more serious later). Adora and Aang are interesting to compare here. Aang's worries early on were less apparent because he was more in-denial/choosing not to think about his problems that much, which fit with his character as a free-spirited Air Nomad. While Adora is much more military-minded. She can't keep herself from thinking about her problems and trying to prepare for the worst-case scenario. And jeez, that idea of who/how Catra is in her mind. Not only beating her but making her watch as she takes everything she cares about away. Not Shadow Weaver, not Lord Hordak, but Catra. That whole Lion King Mufasa/Scar moment between them in episode 11 and their fight in the S1 finale really did a number on her mental image of her old friend. Not reasonably so.

Minor note: I'm sure I'm the only one who got this impression but by the look of it, the way the robot's eye moved, and the music, after getting the soda spilled on it that little spybot gained sentience for half a second and then immediately died. It was so darkly comedic I had to laugh.

Episode 5: So that red disc is basically She-Ra's Red Kryptonite, having an effect on the mind rather than the body. The drunk Adora joke doesn't really do it for me but it did get some nice interactions going between Scorpia and Sea Hawk, two characters I certainly wasn't expecting to bond. I did really like Catra's panic when berserker She-Ra nearly beheads her. The implication is that is Adora really wanted to kill her Catra would already probably be dead. It's a thing I like about powerhouse characters like Superman or Aang, who could just demolish everything around them and don't simply because they're a good person...which in turn makes them the scariest person on the planet when they're well and truly ticked off. I'm not going to lie, I do kind of want to see a She-Ra version of Aang when Appa was stolen or when Superman fought The Elite.

Also, Catra's line of "I have control over Adora. I'm not giving that up for anything.". There's a lot to read into there.

Episode 6: I guess my prediction was sort of right. Shadow Weaver became basically a magic parasite and while it did increase the power she's capable of the implication seems to be that she needs a constant fix of magic to keep herself going, thus her attachment to the Black Garnet.

Have we seen Micah before? Given how long ago the flashback seems set, the fact that Shadow Weaver didn't kill him and thus he probably becomes someone important later in life, I'm guessing he's Glimmer's dad and the queen's late husband, since I think he's the only important male character whose face we haven't seen yet. Also, he's voice by Ezra from Star Wars Rebels and that cracks me up for some reason. It's the exact same voice and a relatively similar character.

I compared Catra and Shadow Weaver with a kind of twisted version of Zuko and Ozai and that definitely still fits here. Both Catra and Zuko confront their parent and call them out for the inexcusable abuse they put them through but while that moment was the start of Zuko's upwards journey this and SW's betrayal seems like it's going to cause Catra to spiral even further. Makes sense why Adora leaving affected her so much. She's probably the only one Catra's ever had that she could consistently trust and rely on, even if she did somewhat resent her.

Not surprised Hordak is getting along with Entrapta. She's not socially aware enough to be scared or intimidated by him, so she'll speak frankly, and since all she wants to talk about is the machines, experiments, and how they could get them to work Hordak probably doesn't take much issue with that. She's producing results, which is what he cares about, thus also why Shadow Weaver and Catra started losing favor with him. I wonder if Catra is going through imposter syndrome? Shadow Weaver had that line that Entrapta earned her place next to Hordak and, if you think about it, Catra hasn't really "earned" anything. We saw that she didn't really take her training or studies that seriously, showing up late to combat practice and even getting partial credit for what Adora beat. She wasn't promoted to Force Captain because of her own abilities but because Adora had defected when she was supposed to get that title. She's come close to a few victories but never really had any except for Glimmer and Bow's kidnapping...whom she then basically let escape when she returned Adora's sword to her. She doesn't have the slightest clue how the horde's bureaucracy works when trying to get things done, like simply getting troops armor. Given how much better than her Adora always was and how little she herself has to her name, I wonder is subconsciously Catra believes she doesn't deserve her current position and thus why she's fretting so much over trying to prove herself.

Episode 7: Am I mistaken or did Bow's parents say that he's the youngest of TWELVE siblings? I was going to ask whether Bow was adopted or if his dad's used a surrogate or if maybe there's even just simply magic in She-Ra's world that allows two people of the same sex to have a child together but now I'm just focused on the 12 kids thing. I get nervous just imagining myself having more than one. You should see me when I'm with two cats. I have to pet both of them because I'd feel like I'd be making one feel left out and like the other is the favorite. I'm a mess with kids.

The dad with dreadlocks (Lance?), his design looked familiar to me and I finally realized it reminded me a of a fanart design for a human Grim from The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. Very different voices between those two characters though.

I wonder if there's any significance to the robot protecting the crystal having the same design as those in the artic in episode 5? Obviously both have the connection to the First Ones but the robot in the forest who was also protecting First Ones' tech had a more insect-like design over these more worm/Graboid ones.

I'm kind of curious what Hordak would have done if Catra had told the truth. Given his interactions with her and Shadow Weaver he doesn't seem like the time to tolerate failure but I suppose the implication here is that he at least would respect those who own up to their failures. Or I suppose more simply he was just testing to see if she would lie to him and since she did there's little merit in keeping her in a position of authority anymore where she could lie about important things again.

Season 2 verdict: Still enjoying it. Another person on this reddit recommended I view seasons 2 and 3 as one since they are basically just one season split in two. I was going to do that but this ended up longer than I thought I would, so I'll just do 2 and 3 separate to keep them semi-organized and easier to read.

I think overall Catra is my favorite character since she has the most interesting backstory, interactions, and just general path through the story out of everyone. She's like Pearl from Steven Universe or, well, Zuko. There's just so much baggage there that she's trying and kind of failing to deal with. I'm always invested in whatever's happening when she's onscreen. Hordak so far is a good big boss villain for Adora to face but Catra is a good archenemy for her.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/PrincessesOfPower/comments/o027y3/going_in_blind_watching_season_2_for_the_first/

[xxisxxisxxis]

La fin

Inspired by this ask.

Present day Duff and Vivian reflect on their romantic relationship

I sat down with my best friend to discuss our affair for the first time in 26 years…and gain a final piece of closure the two of us have yet to attain from one another. 

"This is gonna be interesting because both of our spouses are here." I say as I sit down, at my kitchen bar and Duff takes a sip of his water before joining me.

"Nah, Su's as cool as a cucumber. We got this." He replies. "...I don't know about Sixx but me, you and Su can handle it." He teases. 

"If you get war flashbacks, baby, just remember you're sober." I tell Nikki and he chuckles. 

"I'll just go to the bathroom and sing 'Kumbaya'." Nikki adds and Susan laughs. 

"It won't be that bad." She assures him. "I got my waterproof mascara on. I'm ready." 

"I'm getting through this without crying." I state.

"You cry over google commercials, Viv." Duff informs me.

"Because they know how to market. This happened…" I have to do the math. "...thirty-two and a half years ago. I won't cry." 

"Okay, well, just in case, I came prepared." Susan tosses me a pack of Kleenex. 

"Thank you." I say to her, doubting I'll need it.

"I'm about to start the camera." Nikki tells us, going to press start on the camera he's got set up to film this. "Oh, it's already started." He states. 

"It's okay, people won't care." I shrug, taking a sip of my Pepsi. "Okay, Hey, Guys." I say to the camera. "This is a very special occasion because I'm here with my best friend, and the father of my first child, Michael Andrew McKagan a.k.a Duff McKagan a.k.a Daddy McKagan according to some of you nasty, freaky, bastards." I pipe and Duff rubs his face. 

"Oh my God." He chuckles. 

"Do you read your instagram comments?" I remind him and he nods. 

"It's just so weird to hear it in real time." He explains. "I think that's one of the most odd things you can call a sexual partner. Like…'daddy'..."

We just stare at each other for a moment and I look at the camera. 

"He just single handedly dragged me in the nicest way possible." I say to him as Nikki and Susan try not to laugh. 

"No, I jus--well, you can say whatever the hell you wanna say and call him whatever you wanna call him because you've earned it with the shit you've been through, but it's just odd for me to go online and there's, like, girls 30 years younger than me calling me 'daddy.' Like, I'm not sure if you realize this, sweetie, but I have daughters your age." He points out and I start laughing. "I-I could actually be your dad. Careful now." 

"I think Vince has a higher chance of being these horny girls' father." I state. 

"I know, but it's just food for thought, you know?" He shrugs. 

"I don't even know how to transition from that to the topic--which is a serious topic, but this is just...oh my gosh." I giggle out, not able to stop. 

"Speaking of 'food for thought'," He creates a transition for us to go into what we're talking about and I take the opportunity. 

"Yes, we will be discussing our weird relationship-but-not-really-because-I-was-married-and-confused situationship in honor of my book coming out 'Verbatim: The Truth, The Whole Truth, & Nothing Left Unsaid', which tells everything that happened from 1981, to early 2000s, that people have already read about in everybody else's books." I explain. "I've had this, 'it isn't anybody's business' mindset and now, I feel like I'm in a place where I can tell what happened, including our thing--which is something, believe it or not, we have not talked about as much as people think we have." 

"No, we haven't." 

"I don't know exactly why we haven't spoken about it much, like it happened, it obviously happened because we got a son out of it...we just haven't acknowledged it happened, really. Which is why we're gonna ask the tough questions and hopefully get through some stuff."

"Which is nice because I honestly think the last time we even alluded to it was 1994, right after I got sober, and was advised to resolve things in my friendships, and even then we didn't get everything out there." He replies. "At least I didn't, and I feel like a lot of people have something to say about it, and we spent so many years letting other people define what that time was to us--which it was such a private and personal thing between the two of us that other people's two cent shouldn't have had the impact on us that it did--but we let it get to that point where we lost sight of what it meant to us and let it be defined however the fuck people wanted to call it. And that wasn't good for either of us, and I think that's one of the things that's kept me from bringing it up again. Especially now that, ya know, I'm married, have two grown daughters with Susan, you have Nikki and your children, and I've always thought there's no point in bringing something up that happened--like you said--thirty-two, almost thirty-three--years ago.

"Because you don't want to hear the b.s."

"Because I don't want to hear the b.s." He agrees. "But the more I've thought about it, there are parts of me that feels like I didn't get to say what I wanted to say when we decided to go separate ways, and that just gets fucking heavier and heavier with each year, and I'm sure you might, too." 

"Oh, definitely." I agree completely, able to relate to it. "I feel like one of the main reasons for me, why I haven't tried to talk to you about it is because, like you said, people will automatically start something out of absolutely nothing, but also because I felt like I never had the right to." I state and he furrows his brows a little. "Why did you wait so long to tell me how you really felt about me?

He lets out a breath before thinking a moment. 

"I refused to hinder what little happiness you had left in your relationship with Nikki. I knew you guys were struggling, I knew you were fighting like hell to get your relationship back on track, and I didn't want you to have any more confusion going on than what was already being put on you and if I would have told you how I felt, that would've done that. And then I was with Mandy for a while and that kinda helped me feel like I was over those feelings, but I realized I wasn't when she and I broke up."

"Did anybody else know about how you felt or..?"

"Well, I--yeah, Stevie thought it was just a little, like, I had a crush on you, but Izzy knew I loved you...which is why he wasn't shocked when they found out about us." He says. "...Of course he wasn't surprised because all the Nikki/Vanity stuff happened, so he was kinda expecting you to do something, which--okay, I don't know how to ask this." He admits, thinking of how to word it, glancing at Nikki. 

"What?" I ask him. 

"I just don't want to come across as an asshole for asking this because I'm assuming it's a lot deeper than just...okay, whatever, I'm asking it." He decides. 

"Okay." I prepare for it and he sighs. 

"Why did it take that level of public humiliation for you to realize you weren't in a good marriage?" He asks and it nearly makes the breath leave my body, Nikki and I looking at each other. 

"Because it was public." I confess. "Everything else that had been done, had been done in private. There was no public input on it, there was nobody watching the situation unfold under a microscope, everything that happened up to that point was private. So, he could trip during a crack binge and shoot me and I could stay with him because I didn't have the public watching me, giving their opinions. But when his mistress announces it on TV, I can't just gloss over that because now everybody knows and has an inkling that 'uh oh, they're not this perfect relationship they've made people believe they are' and yes we came out and said it was a lie and tried to undo that damage that Denise caused, so physically I was still in the marriage, mentally I was drawing up divorce papers. And I'm not completely sure it was just the very public aspect of it, I think it was the fact it was her. And I realized, 'I can't compete with a woman who has absolutely everything about her that Nikki is addicted to: she knows how to have a good time, she's equally as wild as him, she's got the sex appeal, she's got all the drugs, she's on the same level as him in terms of entertainment industry' just everything that I wasn't...she was. And I was too exhausted at the point to try to compete with her so I gave up when that came out."

"I remember Izzy ranting, 'she's fucking comparing herself to Vanity and there's no reason to'." He impersonates Izzy and I chuckle. 

"He drilled into my head for years to follow that I was fine the way I was, I didn't need to change anything about my looks, my personality, my hobbies, my sobriety, like it was like 'The Help' when she's constantly reassuring the little girl 'you is smart, you is kind, you is important'." I quote. "Anytime Izzy could see me struggling with myself or not feeling my best he'd be like 'seventeen outta ten, Viv. Seventeen.'" 

Duff looks enlightened, and points to the space behind my right ear. 

"That's why've got '17' right there." He realizes and I nod. "In his writing." He adds. 

"In his writing." I confirm. 

"That's--wow. I didn't know you struggled with that for so long because there was no competition." He assures me.

"Well, I already had shitty self-esteem and then that made it worse, and then even when you and I were together I still had this fear a little bit that you were only with me to help yourself get over Mandy." 

"Abso-fucking-lutely not." He doesn't even think before saying and I feel myself tear up a little. "No way. No freaking way. I loved you, Viv, I really, really did. When you told me that you were filing as soon as the tour was over I started planning out our lives together, as crazy or cheesy that makes me seem, like, I was really going for it." He tells me.

"Duff." I feel guilty, my heart aching a little. 

"I remembered, 'okay, she wants this many kids, she says she likes dogs but really wants a cat, too, she doesn't want to live in the middle of the city, she doesn't want an over-the-top house, she wants to go back to school at some point so I'll put away some savings for that', like, I was planning out everything and fitting Guns N' Roses in wherever there was time in that whole plan. I was ready to be with you and start a life with you. I really, really was." He adds and I see Susan's sympathy for him, only adding to my guilt. 

"Well, just rip my heart out, why don't you?" I ask him to add some relief and Susan giggles, her bright smile coming back to her lips. 

"Right?" She asks. "Geez, babe." 

"I'm just saying." Duff tells us. 

"Nikki didn't even plan his days out when he woke up back then, and then you were there with a calculator adding up how much money you probably needed to put away for my schooling." 

"We wouldn't have had any money to go to school, anyway, Viv, 'cause it was all going to taxes and heroin." Nikki points out and I think for a moment. 

"And house payments." 

"And house payments." He agrees as I look back to Duff, who looks like he's thinking about something. 

"Okay, sorry if this is a weird question, but what did you mean you felt like you had 'no right' to talk about our relationship?" 

"Okay, well, we broke up, I was working on things with Nikki, you married Mandy four months after we broke up...I felt like 'okay, you've already gotten your husband back, he's gotten Mandy back, they're married, who the--' pardon my french ''--fuck are you to bring up your relationship and how it affected your friendship when you're both married to other people and doing your own things? Who are you to be worried with your time with him when you're with Nikki and he's got a wife, now?'." 

"Ohh, yeah. Yeah." He knows what I'm talking about, nodding. "So, you kinda felt like it was disrespectful to dwell on it too long." He adds. 

"Exactly. And I didn't want to disrespect Nikki, or Mandy, or Linda, and now Susan, by trying to work on us again, as friends, because we are exes, whether we want to admit it, we are. We dated. And I feel like it's easy to forget that sometimes because it was so long ago and that freaking sucks because I don't want…" My voice cracks and he looks at me pointedly as tears come to my eyes and I take a deep breath. "...I don't want to forget that time. And I'm not trying to be rude to my marriage or yours or make it seem like I still have those feelings for you, because I don't, but I don't want to forget there was a time in that hellacious cycle my life was in at that moment, that for a few months, I was genuinely happy in the midst of my life falling apart." I explain, sniffling. "And that wouldn't have been the case, if not for you. And I don't want to forget that." 

"Vivian." He says as I grab at a tissue and I see Susan knuckle a tear in her tear duct. 

"I don't know, it just felt like there was never a right time to address what happened fully because everything was happening so fast in our personal lives, for you and Guns, for Nikki and the band, I started having kids, and you got married a second time and your drinking was worse and worse, so it just never happened." 

"Can I ask you something else?" He says and I nod. "When do you think we should have said, 'look, we were together, it happened, and it's okay'. Because we avoided it like the plague for years and still do at times, and that's practically due to--like I said earlier--listening to how people defined it. Like you were called a 'whore' and a 'slut' and just awful shit in public and in papers and tabloids for years after it happened and I feel like because of that, there was that element of 'we should be ashamed of ourselves and just pretend it never fucking happened' surrounding it, even though we had Monroe who's breathing proof of what happened at some point, but we just treated it as if we adopted him together as friends or something like--" I laugh, wiping a tear, and he laughs with me for a few seconds. "--it's the truth, though, we never talked about our relationship. We went on Howard Stern in '88 right after Monroe was born, and he grilled us about it, but we just shut the fuck down after that and didn't speak of anything again for a couple years until we got in that fight over you limiting my time with Monroe, and then again in '94, and that was it--and none of those times really accomplished anything. At all." 

"We should have had that conversation before you got married to Mandy that May." I point out.

"That was so, so soon." He smiles nervously. "That was too soon, way too soon, to get married."

"You proposed to her the day after we broke up." I recall and he nods. 

"I sure did. I sure as hell did. So stupid." He states. "I learned not to make important decisions when I'm in pain. 'Cause I married two different women when I was going through some painful stuff and only made it worse." He explains. 

"And see that's the thing because you had me completely convinced you wanted Mandy. Like I felt so much better when we broke up, knowing you were with who you really wanted to be with, and I was with who I wanted to be with, and then I found out in an argument with you that you were miserable and married Mandy to try to make yourself excited about being back together with her." 

"And that's exactly why I told you that because I needed you to be happy and if I would have told you how I really felt about you, you wouldn't have been happy because you would've felt guilty for staying with Nikki and fixing things with him. And I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I would have put you through that so I married Mandy so fast because I was hurt, and I thought I loved her as much as I loved you, and I held on to that and ran with it." He tells me. "Why wasn't I good enough for you to stay?" 

I go to answer, before the weight of what he's asking really hits me, and several tears topple down my cheeks before I'm wiping them away. 

"I can't begin to put into words how highly you surpassed 'good enough'." I inform him when I finally speak. "Um, my decision to stay with Nikki had absolutely nothing to do with you. That was all me, and issues I thought were resolved within myself that weren't resolved at all, I was just ignoring them." I say. "And something in me was telling me not to stay with you...and I fully believe that was God telling me to back the hell off because he had a plan for you and I had no business accompanying you in that plan as your significant other." I explain. "And I hate to say this, but I really feel like we would have gotten divorced." 

His eyes widen and his brows raise, a knowing smile on his lips as his nods his head. 

"And I hate to think that but we would have made it, maybe, up until '92 because I wasn't even your wife or your girlfriend but just being around you made me so miserable." I admit. "I-It was like--you would get up and start drinking until you passed out that night. I was watching the person who had his shit together the most in my life, fall apart, and that was scary for me because we had a son who was witnessing his dad spiral." 

"Yeah." He rubs his lips together. 

"And getting you to take accountability for what you were doing was like trying to bathe a cat." I add.

"And it took me months after getting sober to evaluate what went wrong in my life with the band, what went wrong in my relationships, what went wrong in my parenting with Monroe, what went wrong in my friendship/co-parentship with you, and own up to what I played a part in because none of it imploded on it's own, or just because of other people, like I played a part in all of it, too, and admitting that took a lot of time to swallow my pride and just accept that I became the very thing I got pissed at Nikki for being, years prior to that, and saying, 'okay, I made all those mistakes, I fucked up, how can I do better and learn from it to better myself, to better my friendships, to better my relationship with my son, and just do what I'm supposed to do?' And I even ended up going to Nikki, and apologizing for what happened between us," he motions between me and him, "because even before you and him were separated over the Vanity thing, knowing you went to me for shit, over him, made him feel less than, made him feel like he wasn't a good enough husband and I kinda felt the same way when he stepped up for Monroe when I was going through my drinking, and it made me feel like I wasn't adequate enough as a father because Monroe was leaning a bit more on him than he was on me, and for the shit I was going through in my life with my alcoholism and drugs, I was doing the best I could do as a dad. And it made me realize that Nikki was doing the best he could do as a husband back when he was in the thick of his heroin addiction, because he was sick and couldn't fucking help himself, just like I was sick and couldn't help myself, and neither of us wanted to hear we had a problem, neither of us wanted help. And I know people are gonna, 'well, Nikki cheated and was mean to her and this and that', I know what you looked like when Nikki was hurting you. I know the look you would get on your face...I know that I hurt you as much as Nikki did through my drinking because you would look at me the way you would look at him when you weren't recognizing the person in front of you due to how royally they had fucked themselves up." 

"Yes." I nod, not even arguing. 

"And that fucking hurt to realize that I was hurting you as bad as he had, and I remembered getting so pissed at him for doing that back in '86/'87 as he got worse, but then I did it, too, and that experience really opened my eyes when I got sober because I wouldn't have been humbled in that way had I not had a drinking addiction and reached that low, and I do think that's one of the reasons that was allowed to happen to me." He finishes and I take a deep breath before asking:

"If Monroe wouldn't have been conceived, if we wouldn't have had a child to come out of our relationship, knowing what we know now, how we ended up not staying together, the public slander and stuff we had to go through...would you still have had a relationship with me, if you could go back and change it?" 

"Without a doubt, yes." He says, matter-of-fact. "It would have been a waste of a blessing to not have taken the opportunity to love someone as recklessly--maybe even stupidly, at times--unconditionally, with the magnitude I loved you with, at such a young age. Like, usually you can expect to find something like what we had when people get a little older, and get through all their bullshit relationships before finding the person that loves them for them fully, but I had the chance of experiencing that when I was, like, in my early twenties...and I didn't experience that again, and so much more, until I met Susan." He says and I nod. "And I don't want you to think that because we haven't spoken about it, maybe as much as we should have, that I'm ashamed of you or us or embarrassed, because I'm not proud that we did what we did in that timing--because it was really shitty timing and we both can agree on that, I think," he raises his brows and I agree, "but I will never be ashamed, or apologetic,  or embarrassed that I ever had that with you. I felt like one of the most fortunate people to even know you, and then to have that relationship we had--even for the few months it lasted--was just...it was such a short time compared to how long you've been with Nikki and how long I've been with Su, but we spent it loving each other the best that we could. And we really did love each other, and we do still love each other--even if it's not in that same way, the spirit of it, I guess, is still there. There's still that 23 year old kid in me that'll kick somebody's ass over you, and wants to see you happy, and is in absolute love with you. And don't get me wrong, there's a 56 year old me that wants to see you happy and that'll still kick somebody's ass over you." He clarifies, making me laugh. "I'm just pointing out that even when those feelings went away, I don't think that bond ever did." 

"Yeah." I nod, sniffling as I press a tissue to under my eye to catch more tears. "Do you, um...do you remember our break up?" 

He exhales and gives me a little smile, nodding, before tears come to his eyes.

"I--yeah, I...I remember it…" He informs me. 

"We had just gotten done messing around, and if we did anything before we went to bed we would just stay in bed and go to sleep, but if we did anything in the afternoon or whatever we'd get up shortly after and clean up and go about the day. And we got done, it was, like, 2:00pm, and it was this odd feeling in the midst of it that 'this is gonna be the last time we ever do this with one another', and neither of us said a word, we just laid there with each other for four hours when we were done, taking in every second that we could. Well I finally got up to go back home and check on Nikki because he had OD'd the night before." I explain. 

"And you went to the door to leave and I stopped you, and was like, 'I know you're going to make things right with Nikki, and I'm going to fix things with Mandy, and I want you to know that I love you, and I'm proud of you, and I always will and always will be'. Of course you can understand me a little better now because I was crying when I choked those out, but, um," he laughs and I smile back more tears. "And you said, 'thank you, I love you, Duff' and gave me a kiss and a hug and then you were gone." 

"And we rarely spoke about it, again."

"And we rarely spoke about it, again." He confirms and I let out a breath, feeling more tears swell in my eyes. "What a fucking way to end a relationship." He adds. 

"This is where I'm really gonna start crying, um…" I start, chuckling nervously. "...I wasn't thanking you for being understanding, I was thanking you for everything that you'd done for me, and it took me a while to understand that that was one of the things I felt like was unresolved because that 'thank you' had a lot of weight behind it." I tell him. 

"Okay." He tells me, listening intently. 

"This is so freaking stupid and unhealthy but I wrote suicide notes for when Nikki finally OD'd and died, because I knew if he were to go, I'd have to go with him, I couldn't live without him." I tell him and he looks a shocked. "You taught me that I could live without him when I didn't think that I could, and you brought me so much peace and rest in a time when I couldn't remember the last time I was at peace, and I sure as hell couldn't get any rest. And I felt, and still feel, so indebted to you for those months that you spent trying your hardest to fix what you didn't break--you risked your career over me, you protected me, you defended me, you supported me, you loved me--and that's what I was thanking you for that day, and I feel like I've got a weight off my shoulders now because I have never told you that and I've always wanted to but didn't think it was a good time." 

"Holy shit, Viv." He wipes a stray tear, and I see Susan doing the same, Nikki just smiling at me like he's glad I've gotten that weight off of me, because he knows I've been wanting to say it for years.

"And I'm sorry it was such a shitty breakup that kind of came out of nowhere." 

"The way you were screaming and crying and begging God whenever we were trying to get Nikki to wake up, I knew if he lived you were gonna fix things. I was prepared for it, I promise." He assures me. "And I'm really glad we got to do this and get this out there with each other and I really hope you were able to get some closure with this, because I really did." 

"I did, too." I nod, wiping more tears. 

"I love you." He tells me as we get out of our chairs, giving me a quick, innocent, peck on the lips, before hugging me tightly.  

"I love you, too." 

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[big-tay-17-blog]

To anyone and everyone reading,

Hi! My name is Taylor, and I'm a 20 year old female. I work full time, and I'm trying to save up enough money to put myself through cosmetology school next fall. I'm in a committed relationship with the best man I have ever met, and I'm insanely in love with him. We've been together for almost a year. I recently started journaling again (more about that in a different post), and I'm trying to get more into writing.

I went to college for two semesters with the intent to get an associates in nursing and focus in Oncology, the study of cancer. I did it for a number of reasons, the first being is that I thought that it was what everyone expected/wanted. The second being the fact that my dad has terminal cancer, and I wanted to be able to help people the way his doctors were/still are helping him. I soon realized that it wasn't what I wanted to do. When I told my mom, she was extremely upset and said I was giving up too soon. Some people may see it that way, but I'm happy I stopped before I spent thousands of dollars before realizing it wasn't what I wanted to do.

Eventually my mom came around to the idea of me going to cosmetology school, and told me that if it was what I truly wanted and it made me happy, then she's happy for me. Everyone of my family and family friends are all super excited for me to start this new chapter of my life. They all support me, and they all said they would help me in any way they can. My mom even told me she would try to help out financially the best that she could even though most of her income goes to bills and food for the family.

I have two older siblings, a sister and a brother. My sister and I used to hate each other when we were growing up, and then we moved to a new state and became best friends. We were inseparable, and then she met a boy. At the time, he was one of my brother's best friends. When my sister first met him, she absolutely hated him. She hated the way he would tease her. She thought he was the most annoying person in the world. He came home on leave from the military for Christmas one year, and she was all over him. Flirting with him, talking to him about possibly dating, maybe even eventually moving in together and getting married. He was a little weary at first because he thought she was just playing mind games, but when he went back to his duty station, they kept talking. They eventually started dating long distance, and my sister was obsessed with him. Practically changed everything about herself for him. Now mind you, before they had started dating, I had a school girl crush on him. She was pissed when she found out that I had a crush on him, but I wasn't going to act on it since I was only 16 and he was three or four years older than me. My sister held a grudge against me after she found out, and we started to drift apart. She ended up moving in with him, telling our mom that they were just going to live together for a while before they even started to think about getting married. Almost a year after she had moved up there, our mom found out that they had gotten married nine days after my sister had moved to live with him. Ever since then, my sister and I haven't really talked to each other. I've tried reaching out a few times, but she never really responded, and she's never tried to reach out to me. After numerous attempts to talk to her and getting no answer, I gave up trying to talk to her altogether.

My brother and I were never really super close until my sister moved away. We're still not super close, but we're a lot closer now than we were before. We talk more, we hang out more, we go do stuff together. He's finally acting like the big brother I always wished he had been. He's even more protective of me now than he was when we were younger. When I started dating my boyfriend, my brother was a little hesitant about it because he didn't want to see his litter sister get her heart broken. Now that my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, my brother has started to back off on how protective he is of me, but he still worries about me. When he sees that I'm having a rough day, he makes sure I'm okay. He asks me how I'm doing mentally, and if I'm not good, he'll find ways to cheer me up and take my mind off things. Sometimes we play video games together, sometimes we just watch TV, and sometimes, very rarely though, we'll just go for a drive and talk about life and everything that's going on in our lives.

My boyfriend and I met at work. It's actually kind of a funny story. I had seen him around work a few times, and I started to develop a crush on him. One day, I ended up getting locked inside the big walk in freezer. The knob to get out from the inside was broken, and I didn't know what to do. I called my manager, who then told someone in customer service, who then radioed for someone to let me out. The person who let me out is the same guy I had seen around and developed a crush on. He asked me if I was okay and I said I was. I went back to work, and the next time I looked up, he was just standing there, watching me. He was there for a while too. I ended up talking to one of my friends about him, and that's when I found out that she was friends with him. I asked her if there was any way she could get his number for me or something. I ended up getting his contact info and he asked me out on a date. A few days after our date, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and obviously I said yes, and now we've been together for almost a year. I actually started working on a gift for him, and depending on when I get it finished, he'll either get them for our anniversary or for Christmas. What is this gift? I'm writing a bunch of "Open When..." letters, each one labeled with a different emotion or specific life event that goes on. I really hope he likes them because I'm putting a lot of effort into them and I'm being more vulnerable in them than I usually am with him in person or over the phone.

Anyway, that's enough about me, my plans, and the people in my life. It is currently 1:17 am, I have a sleeping puppy in my room who will wake up without his lullaby music, and I'm exhausted. Until next time Tumblr.

Goodnight

[todokori-kun]

(Ok, so I wrote out this super-long message but wifi died when I was submitting it. Tumblr told me I’d lost connection so I’m pretty sure it didn’t reach you.

If it somehow did, though…sorry for sending in another one OTL And sorry this keeps happening, my computer is being really weird ^^;;)

Tysm ;-; I’m glad I’m not annoying you or anything :D Queen Luna is honestly one of my favorite people to talk to as well, though. Thanks for being so amazing and supportive <3

Yep. Ishida’s Back.

I’m honestly not too sure how I feel about this pregnancy though. On one hand, since I never really cared too much about Touka I don’t think I’m going to have a hard time caring for this kid, even if they ARE also Kaneki’s child. I also think this wasn’t really necessary and I don’t want drama between Touken and other ghouls over the child- I want the plot to move forward and to get some questions answered…

However, it is really interesting how this parallels with other parents throughout TG’s story. Touken right now reflects the Yoshimura-Ukina-Eto dynamic, and I’m pretty sure the Touken child is meant to connect to Eto.

See, what I’m thinking about is that TG’s parents have a history of abandoning their children in favor of their ideals, even if they don’t always mean to do so. We have Mado, who was blinded by his black-and-white worldview and ended up dead, Arata, who sacrificed so much for his children that in the end he couldn’t even stay with them, Yoshimura, who left his daughter behind to create Anteiku (no matter if he meant well, it still affected Eto in a negative way and Yoshimura’s actions could be seen as partially selfish; he never considered how Eto would feel about this situation, after all), Kaneki’s mother, who was unable to choose between her child and her sister, and Kaneki himself could also count, having completely abandoned the Qs the moment Arima and Eto gave him the title of ‘One-eyed King’.

The only non-background-character who was actually a good parent is Shachi, I think.

So the question is: will Touken (Kaneki really, Touka seems to have made up her mind completely about this) be able to break this cycle? Will Kaneki choose his child like he wanted his mother to choose him over his aunt? Or will this child become motivation for him? (he’s never been the best candidate for the OEK after all, and he basically admitted to Amon and Seidou that he’s seriously depressed and just doesn’t care)

I’m also curious: pregnancies take a few months, y'know. I sincerely hope there won’t be a time skip. Or a miscarriage, because not only would that be too much for Kaneki and Touka, it would also be bad for the plot (why make Touka pregnant in the first place then?). Maybe the baby will be born in an epilogue or the last chapter. Maybe Kaneki and Touka will die, this kid will become the new OEK and Ishida will make a third TG series. Idk.

Wow, I didn’t intend to make such a long rant ^^;;

I think Thor’s new hairstyle looks cool (sorry Queen Luna) but yeah, it does also look a bit weird on him. Like, now I can’t look at him and think 'oh that’s the god of thunder’, I just think of Chris Hemsworth lol

That typo tho 'Nat and Clit’

Even after all that’s happened in canon, I still feel like Blackhawk have a deep bond and understand each other in a way the rest of the team can’t.

I feel like the fact that Sharon is Peggy’s niece alone makes it a 'NO’ ship XD the lack of development for both the relationship and Sharon as a character just added to that.

As for Loki…ah, well. If he wasn't such a jerk he wouldn’t be Loki.

Oh that sounds really cool :D And well, like I said above. It’s Loki. What can you do.

Haha, thanks ^^ I was obsessed with Bucky’s costume for a while after Winter Soldier. I literally had never heard of Captain America up until then so I didn’t even care about him (sorry Steve…do you still ship me with him? lol). I might actually have had a crush on Bucky at the time. Idk. I was nine(?).

I will drag you into Remember This Cold hell no matter what. It is my MISSION. I WILL make you have feels about Loki’s kitty (Steve got him a cat because he thought he might be lonely). I WILL make you sob over Loki’s redemption arc and his reaction when anyone dares to lay a finger on Steve (SPOILER: when he thinks Steve is dead he teams up with Bucky and absolutely destroys Hydra. When he and Steve are captured and tortured for information he threatens to cut open his own veins and summon a beast with the blood to destroy them all…he’s completely serious about that. One of the major things Steve has to help him with is how he gets desperate and suicidal whenever he thinks he might lose Steve).

Oh, so you won’t talk about Kanae, huh?

With my short existence, I can make a difference- I can be there for him, I can be his knight

Imagine this is Matsumae teaching Kanae about kagune usage and what it means to be a servant of the Tsukiyama family. For bonus angst, imagine that the slip-ups ('do it for her- that is to say, you do it for him’) are Matsumae talking about the late Mrs. Tsukiyama (HC that Matsumae was around when Shuu’s mom was alive, though I guess that’s unlikely considering her age…shush. Just ignore it for the angst.)

Kanae singing the 'I love you’ part from If I Could Tell Her as they fall off the building

Kanae singing 'But what you do when there’s this great divide? And what do you do when the distance is too wide?’ when Shuu is ill

 'I wondered how you learned to dance like all the rest of the world isn’t there’ and 'There’s nothing like your smile, sort of subtle and perfect and real. You never knew how wonderful that smile could make someone feel’ as they remember their memories with Shuu as a child.

'I love him, but every day I’m learning- all my life, I’ve only been pretending’ from On my Own when Eto is torturing Kanae

And then most of 'It’s Over, Isn’t It’ is from Kanae to Sasaki/Kaneki, of course, but then imagine that the chorus ('And she chose you, and she loved you, and she’s gone- it’s over, isn’t it? Why can’t I move on?’) is like a duet between Kanae and Shuu. Kanae’s pining over Shuu, of course, but Shuu’s POV is after Kanae’s death (referring to himself as 'you’).

Hope you liked this :)

But wait, if you knew all of Urie’s songs, that means you know Still Sane…does this mean you’re a Lorde fan? Because I thought Still Sane was one of her lesser-known songs. I’m obsessed with Lorde’s music, so…

And I’m also a fan of Fall out Boy and Marina and the Diamonds. It'd be cool if you listen to them as well :D

Seriously?! Because blue is my favorite color…wow!

I haven’t watched FMA but I know quite a bit about it (the Roy rain jokes are the best lol)…we actually talked on your FMA blog once ^^ And I’m excited to hear about any of Queen Luna’s OCs! I’m sure they’re all amazing :D (hahaha, I can relate about embarrassing old OCs. I can’t think of any right now but I know I have some). I’ll send you a little info about my OCs in a seperate submission, since this one seems to be getting a little long (though I can’t be sure) ^^;;

Oh, all four of those are lovely! I feel like the girl with the yellow hat (top row, left) has the most icon-ish look, if that makes sense? She also reminds of Queen Luna a little bit, idk why XD but that’s just my opinion, all four of those characters would make beautiful icons <3

Yep, your internet did die ^^;; This is the only thing I got from you... So no worries about spamming me ^^

Aww *hugs* I love talking to you a lot, a lot! So if you ever need anything, I’m here ^^ (I’d add gifs, but internet is slow).

The pregnancy is as out of place as that chapter (once again avoiding pervy words hahah). But... if Kaneki’s a ghoul (halfway) and Touka is a full ghoul, why does the baby need human food? I’m gonna assume Kaneki is the dad because I don’t want to think about the other options. 

I, too, think that the ghoul eating human food/human eating ghoul food for the baby to survive is a parallel for Eto, but we all know how that ended, so idk how i feel about it. Maybe the baby will be a cute and healthy kid who’ll live a nice childhood? Hopefully? Pls let me hope. 

Maybe Eto’ll adopt the baby since she knows the feeling of being abandoned and will give it a nice, happy childhood? HOPEFULLY???

Honestly, I don’t remember who Shachi is, so...

*gasp* you wound me... How could you like that hideousness that is the hair (or lack of it). Jk, you’re free to like what you want ^^ I mean, it’s not that bad I guess... I just liked the old version a bit more.  A lot more.

So much for avoiding risqué words.

I think their bond is mostly platonic? I mean, if Clint wasn’t married and didn’t have tons of babies, I’d assume there was more, but this way, I’d like to think it’s more of a brother-sister relationship. Why am I getting Love, Rosie flashbacks ;-;

Don’t tell me Sharon’s another Jane, this time with even less character -.-

I guess I’ll just avoid Civil War as long as possible :))

AS FOR KANAE

That’s my feeling about everything.

Well, my music taste isn’t quite definable by ‘likes this artist’ or anything, because it’s mostly a ‘I’m browsing youtube and I like this song, so i’ll download it’ one. So Still Sane just happens to be there. As for Fallout Boy and Marina, I do have quite a lot of their songs there ^^ But, generally speaking, most of my songs that aren’t idol songs ?uncomfortable cough* tend to go in the rock direction. Sometimes remixes and sometimes songs no one ever heard about, like Texas by Magic Man or Change My Life from Ashes Remain. Also, Holy by Zolita, although I mostly like that song because it’s so different from most songs nowadays. It’s a bit weird, though.

I really, really want to see all your OCs, especially the TG one that suffers a lot :))

Oh god, here’s my most embarrassing one, the FMA one:

Kk, her name’s Arya, she’s an alchemist (of course) and depending on how I felt at the moment, she was either shipped with Roy or Ed. Most of the time, it was Roy, so the info I wrote down was based on that. Is the cliche ‘sarcastic, but actually a huge softie’ character with right about 0 character flaws, other than being stubborn (’But it also helps when she’s suspicious about the homonculi!’). Now, this isn’t so bad. But here’s the best part. She has a stepdad (bc no oc can have a normal, fully functioning family) that tried to ‘merge her with a wolf, giving her enhanced senses and strength and making her hair white + eyes purple’. I still cringe when I think about her. Literal nightmares.

Then we have a soul eater one, where the girl is both a meister and a weapon (which is, by the way, impossible by the laws of that universe, since the souls of the two types differ greatly) AND a witch to top it off.

Thankfully, I never went too far with the looks, the white hair + purple eyes was as far as I went, but I knew to change it to normal (or try to make an excuse *coughwolfcough* if the universe was one where the colours were mostly normal. And I never gave them DDD+ boobies. 

As for the newer ones, I don’t have many, but from the fandoms we share, I have 1 for YoI and 1 for MCU (this one was created yesterday :P )

The YoI one’s name is Nara and she’s a skater from Detroit, therefore Yuuri and Phichit’s rinkmate. Honestly, she’s not that talented at skating, but she does try to make up for it by practicing a lot.  However, she doesn’t magically get better and lands 1st place, she’s content doing her best and just participating in the competitions, since she has a secondary job.

The MCU one’s a bit more mary sueish, but that’s what makes it fun. Kya, her power is ‘manipulating’ animals (well, not manipulating, it’s more along the lines of ‘animals like her and listen to her) and in extreme cases (when she gets very emotional), human manipulation (technically, humans are animals). When she was small, she was experimented on, granting her the powers. However, the faculty was attacked, allowing her to escape. She tried to live a normal life and was actually succeeding, but then Loki attacked New York and lo and behold, she actually managed to do some hero work, so the avengers were like ‘we’re not recruiting you, but you could be useful in the future so we’ll keep an eye on you’. That’s as far as I got, but I do plan on expanding a bit.  Also, probably predictable, but Loki is her love interest ^^;;;;;;

Alrighty, seems like that’ll be my icon ^^ I’ll probably change the general colour scheme of the blog, so don’t be surprised if everything’s different the next time you visit :P  The name definitely stays the same, though.

As for the ‘she reminds you of me’, you couldn’t be more right ^^;;; In the whole Love Live series, she’s the most similar to me looks wise, but also personality wise. A quiet bookworm who’s fine staying in the library whole day hahah I always cry during her character arc, because I relate waaay too much ;-;

Also, completely random, but I’m listening to ‘Merry Go Round of Life’ from Howl’s Moving Castle as I write this and it would actually make a pretty nice waltz song...