#she's SUCH an absolute goblin and I love her for it

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

Hi! I’ve sent you two asks already, sorry for bothering you. I just can’t stop thinking about nhthcth, but I was wondering, does Jon get paid? Was he getting paid as a child?

For some reason I got this idea in my head that if Jon didn’t get paid the contract wouldn’t work. Because like, contracts are usually an agreement that one person does one thing and gets another thing in return. Like the Magnus Institute’s contract is like “you work here and never leave and sell your soul to me and I’ll give you maybe more than minimum wage,” so if Jon didn’t get paid, the Institute wouldn’t be holding up their end of the contract, so Jon wouldn’t need to hold up his end and he could leave.

Although I don’t know how that would work when Jon’s a child, he wouldn’t have a bank account, (does he have one as an adult?) I assume it would just go to his legal guardian’s bank account, which I guess would be Elias, but did Elias ever fully adopt Jon? Like legally? Did Elias have to forge adoption papers and stuff or did he just kidnap a child and hoped he’d get away with it. (I suppose he did get away with it) does Jon even have an ID? How did he go to university when he doesn’t have any school history past third grade?

Anyway, sorry I started rambling, you of course don’t have to answer this (nor do you need my permission not to answer, so I’m not sure why I said that) this is just a funny little question I was thinking about. Also, sorry if you’ve answered this already or there’s something in the fic that would answer it and I didn’t notice. Thank you for the amazing story and answering my other asks.

So, you've actually hit the nail on the head on one of the very important rules for nhthcth as a universe, insofar as like, magic systems (for lack of a better word) goes. That being said, a lot of the specifics of this ask is something that I can't answer due to spoilers (like how he went to university, whether elias ever adopted him, whether he has an ID). Those will receive direct explanations in the course of the fic so I can't answer them here.

But as to like, the magic system itself, it's already been seen/addressed in the fic (in a lot of disparate bits and pieces), so I don't have a problem with a more detailed explanation below the cut.

so, most of this system has been in subtext and broken up amongst a lot of little moments in the fic itself. its there but figuring it out takes a lot of patchwork. I don't currently have a more explicit breakdown of the system in the narrative itself because having like, Jon explain it super explicitly feels a bit too much like those internal monologues of an anime fight scene where the characters are having these really in-depth breakdowns of what they're planning and what's happening while they're throwing each other through walls. I just like more subtle storytelling, personally? A lot of the time, it just becomes so painfully obvious that they're talking to the audience and it feels clunky and unnatural. So I scattered the foundation of this amongst a bunch of little moments throughout.

You're absolutely dead on about contracts needing to be "one person gets one thing and the other person gets the other." That is a hard and fast rule in nhthcth, and it has everything to do with what the Web is.

One of my favorite bits about TMA world building is that the fears as so metaphysical. Which makes for a very fun (again, for lack of a better word) magic system. I hate it when magic systems break their own rules or become too powerful and you can just supercharge on the Power Of Friendship to do basically anything if you Believe Enough. Personally, I think characters get to really shine and show their intelligence when you stick them with very narrow and firm rules and make them work inside that system without breaking it. TMA in particular does an amazing job with that.

The Fears are the platonic ideals of their own identities and they legitimately cannot resist what they are. The episode with the Web's theatre production best encapsulated this: The Web said something along the lines of "If only you could see the strings on me."

In that same episode, Jon almost got trapped in the Web domain watching endless plays, because the Eye could not resist what it is, and what it is is something that spectates pain endlessly. The Web couldn't resist trapping Jon in there, because that's what it is, despite the fact that it would have fucked its own endgame if it trapped the Archivist in its fucked up theatre production until the End claimed them all. They're incredibly powerful beings, but they're still, in a way, trapped by their own nature. Humans can change, adapt, be different, but the Entities can't be anything but what they are.

In nhthcth there's a line that i tend to use again and again to encapsulate this, and it's usually something along the lines of "These things only are what they are."

They're not versatile forces. They're not a flexible tool like most magic systems where you can use this abstract and malleable force to cast the Spell of Fire and the Spell of Healing and the Spell of Ketamine Ape. They can only do what their own existence allows them and they cannot resist their own nature. It's one of the reasons why Jon in nhthcth is so insistent that the Eye can't be used as a force for good--good is completely outside of its existence. If you know anything about Greek philosophy, I think Plato's idea of the forms is pretty analogous to what the Entities are and how they work.

Which is also why Jon's like, "Duh, of course it's the Web that's got us bound and not the Eye. That's what the Web does."

The Eye just isn't about binding and trapping. What Jonah can use it to do is completely limited to stuff that falls under the Eye's umbrella. He could have the most powerful connection to the Eye on the planet (he doesn't), but that doesn't mean he can supercharge on Eye God Juice and blast a hole through the wall with the power of his mind, right? That would make the entire magic system in TMA ridiculous. In the same way, he can't use the Eye to enforce contract terms. That's not what the Eye does.

That's the Web, through and through. So when you're considering the contract, you have to think in terms of what the Web is.

The thing about the Fears is that they're shown to be a little multifaceted in that multiple distinct fears fit beneath the same umbrella with them. Take the Eye. The fear of someone knowing your deepest, darkest secrets fits beneath it, right? And that's very much Jonah's area of expertise. He probably fed on Martin's terror about being discovered for forging his CV for years. He neutralized Daisy by finding out the secrets that hurt her and using them against you. He's the invasive, watching part of the eye that may know your secrets and want to use it against you.

but the Eye is also the fear of someone watching your pain, your suffering, and (for lack of a better term) getting off on it. Enjoying it. It's bleeding out in the street and, when help finally arrives, they just sit down next to you and watch eagerly as you die.

That is so much the Archivists role.

Sometimes, I think of how terrifying the Archivist would be if it wasn't Jon in the role. Don't get me wrong--he has his moments of terrifying power, and he definitely didn't get good reviews on yelp from statement givers. But, fundamentally, he does care.

But imagine you go to the Magnus Institute under the assumption that they may help. You sit there and you tell them the worst fucking thing that ever happened to you. It's like you're experiencing it a second time, in all the horrific detail. You're retraumatized all over again, and then the Statement ends and you're sitting there, tape recorder still running, and you realize the person you went to for help just... enjoyed every second of pain you went through. There's one episode in particular that I think pulled this feeling off so well--the one where the guy in Scotland who found Gertrude's circle opened with something along the lines of "I don't care about any of this. I just want to know if you'll save my son." Like, imagine the horrible, crushing horror of going to someone for help and the moment you realize that were never going to do anything. They just wanted to watch you die too.

It's also one of the reasons that I think that Jon, for all he thrived as the Archivist, kept so much of who he was because of the inaction part specifically. In Season 1, he makes these vague mentions to fights he's getting into with Elias. Elias keeps lecturing him about noninterference, how they're here to research and not interfere, and Jon has these moments were he's like "anyway I don't give a fuck there's fucking leitners out there and if i have my way there will be a hell of a lot less of them." He legitimately says at one point that he's going to get another lecture about Institute mission statements and watching without interference.

Jon made so many bad choices when he was Becoming, but the one he consistently made against Becoming was that, almost against his will, he wanted to save people. That's picking the opposite of what the Eye is, and I think that that's the part of him that he got to keep.

that was more of an aside and not so relevant to the question. i got on a tangent. but it's here now so it stays. i already typed it. Anywho.

Jonah can't do what Jon does. He can't compel answers out of people. He's a panopticon, and the fear he embodies is that someone may be watching you and catch you in the act. It's not the fear of someone forcing the information out of you. But Jon can't do with Jonah does either. He can't just hop through eyes and spy on people. That's not his relationship with the Eye or the part of it he embodies.

They both have a very metaphysical limitation to their own experience with the Eye, because the idea of the Eye itself is just a human classification. Maybe Jon's sky blue and Jonah's dark blue and the Eye's all the blues, but at the end of the day, we just made up the idea of "blue" to explain our own experience with colors. They don't get to wield the full spectrum of "colors" available under the Eye. They can both be attached to the Eye but they're completely limited to what it means to be sky blue versus dark blue.

So it's important to remember that when you consider the contract, because it's just an aspect of the Web. It's not every aspect of the Web.

The Web is the fear of being totally under control of another--think raymond fielding in Hill Top Road, Mr. Spider, forcing people to walk, that kind of thing--but it's not just that. It's also the fear of being manipulated. Of being outmaneuvered. And I think that fits much more metaphysically with what a contract is than being under total and absolute control.

A contract is just an agreement of rules that two parties have to abide by, right? And sometimes the contract is way more favorable to one party than the other, but we also recognize that there's limits to that. You named a very big one--"this for that." For contracts to be enforceable, there has to be this thing we call "consideration." I get this, you get that. If the contract read "I have to give you one million dollars and you don't have to do anything" that'd be a gratuitous promise and it wouldn't be an enforceable contract.

That being said, consideration doesn't have to be balanced. The contract doesn't have to be fair. I don't know a super huge amount of British law (though a lot of American law is derived from it) but in american contract law we have a standard that basically says there has to be a "mere peppercorn" of consideration. We're not going to see if the exchange is fair, just if there is an exchange. there's this huge body of law around what's allowed in contracts and how contracts should be interpreted because we recognize that, at a certain point, something isn't a contract anymore. It breaks the rules of exchange.

And I think that very much goes towards the real fear the Web would be working with when it comes to the contracts. Think of like, law dramas. People like law dramas because the characters show off how clever they are. They're working in some system of rules and then at the eleventh hour they pull out some kind of loophole or interpretation that saves the day, right? The fact that there are limits and rules to what the characters can do is exactly what makes it so exciting when they figure out how to flip them in their favor. You need to have the chance to succeed in the system, however small, or it all just kind of becomes meaningless. There's no point in manipulation or machinations if you instantly lose no matter what.

That's the exact fear the Web would be playing on with the contracts, in my mind. It's being at the mercy of someone who has to follow the same rules as you, but they're grossly skewed in the other person's favor and the other person is better at using them. It's being stuck in a game where both players have to follow the rules but you have no idea what the rules are, and the other player gets to know them and have them severely favor them.

But the entire fear just becomes kind of ridiculous if it's not limited. It kind of becomes like a game of make believe between little kids if you can just write something in the contract without limitation. Like saying "well, my power is at one million percent" "my power is at one BILLION percent" "my power is at FIVE TRILLION percent." Right? Like, if you're playing that game, the rules don't really mean anything. It's all just bullshit. It doesn't invoke the fear of someone manipulating the rules against you. If the contract terms don't enforce obligations against Jonah too, it just sort of leaves the realm of what fear this is, which breaks the rules of the magic system. Being totally at someone's mercy is just a different fear than having someone outmaneuvering you at rules you both are stuck with.

Which means that, for the contract to be what it is, Jonah has to be bound by it in some way. It has to follow some kind of rules that bind him too. It can be very unbalanced and favor him greatly, but it still needs to set some kind of obligation and limit on him or the entire thing becomes ridiculous.

That's why Jonah so aggressively tries to keep Jon from trying to learn the terms of the contract. If Jon knew the way Jonah was bound by the contract, he'd be able to use the rules against him. Jon's playing the same game as Jonah, but he never got to see the rulebook.

We know two ways from canon that you can use to escape the contract: (1) gouge out your own eyes and (2) the archivist dies and the assistants can leave. but we never see the terms of the contract itself, and the fact that option #2 popped up in season 5 when all we knew before that was option #1 means that maybe there are more ways to break the contract and maybe there aren't. Maybe it's just options 1 and 2, or maybe there's other ways to escape we never figured out. Why do options 1 & 2 work? Is it explicitly written out somewhere in the binding instrument? Is it some loophole that not even elias expected? All we know for certain is that ways out of the contract include but may not be limited to options 1 and 2.

So, yes, Jon gets paid. But is that a term of the contract? Was that the consideration that Jonah wrote down in the Web's binding contract, or is there something else? Jon doesn't know, so he can't use it against him.

Maybe Jonah does have to pay Jon under the contract. Or he's only paying Jon to keep up appearances. Like, yeah, maybe the metaphysically binding contract would allow him to chain people here without paying them, but payroll would still have massive questions about why the Institute Head's angry adoptive son has been the Institute's unpaid slave worker for the past decade.

One of Jonah's biggest strategies to keep Jon from escaping is to abide very strictly by what may or may not be the terms of the Web's contract. Jon can't deduce what the rules are if Jonah voluntarily plays by more rules than he has to.

Take Elias's promise to Tim, for example. Jon still doesn't even know how the Web contract is formed. It sure as hell isn't simply the contract that most employees see--there's no clause that says "and by the way you can never ever quit or leave or you will die xoxoxoxo." Are all the terms already written down somewhere he can't find? Could oral promises be binding? He has no idea, because Elias is never going to act in a way that lets him eliminate the possibility. He'll follow the letter of his promise, and maybe that's because he has to or he'll breach the contract, or maybe that's because he's choosing to keep his promise when he doesn't have to. Elias keeps the terms of the contract unclear by following more rules than he has to.

It's one of the reasons why he uses so much doublespeak. Elias says something like "I'll keep my word, and you'll have to do the same." That only tells us things we already knew--Tim would have to be bound by the contract and wouldn't be able to leave. He'll keep his word, but does Elias have to under the contract? If he broke his word, Jon would be able to conclusively tell that oral conditions are non-binding. He'd know that there's some kind of outside binding instrument that has the rules already set out, and Elias can't change them with an oral promise. But if Elias toes the letter of the oral condition no matter what, then it could be because he has to or it could be because he chose to.

There are rules that Elias has to abide by, but Jon is only pretty certain of a few: 1) He has to have Jon's signature before he moves people into his department. He can't give him assistants unless Jon signs off on it first. Jon only got that much because Elias tried so damn hard to get his signature for the transfer. If Elias could break that rule, there's a pretty good chance that he would have, but he didn't so it probably means he can't. It's a place the contract almost definitely binds him too. 2) the contract kills you if you spend too long away from the Institute, but Elias has a way of letting you stay away for longer. If Jon leaves without approval, then he gets sick within a few weeks. But he's made it months away from the Institute just because Elias approved the leave.

So is that because Elias is the one who triggers the contract killing you in the first place? Or does he have a way of stopping a power that will automatically go off.

If the contract reads, "In the case of unapproved absences, the Head of the Institute may file Form B45, the 'Kill My Errant Employees' Form, and the employee will suffer a heart attack within a period not to exceed fourteen (14) days," then they'd be able to pretty effectively escape just by finding a way to immobilize Elias permanently--chuck him in the Buried, he'll never die but he also won't be able to file a Kill My Errant Employee Form. But if the contract reads "In the case of unapproved absences, the employee will suffer a heart attack within a period not to exceed fourteen (14) days unless the Head of The Institute files Form U95, Approved Leave of Absences," then they need him alive and mobile to file a leave of absence form so Jon won't fucking die the next time he's kidnapped for a month. Or maybe a leave of absence form isn't necessary if Jon's only kept away because of a kidnapping. Maybe the contract reads "In the case of unapproved and voluntary absences" and being involuntarily missing isn't a breach at all. They don't know, because Elias is going to file the fucking leave of absence form whether or not he has to.

If they knew the exact rules and minute details of the contract terms, they could wriggle their way into an exception that makes their conditions more livable. Instead, they're just stuck with a very broad correlation between Elias's action and/or inaction and the contract not killing you when you leave for long periods on approved absences. Maybe they could just chuck him in the Buried and fuck off, but fuck if they know, and that's the sort of risk you really can't take unless you're certain.

A lot of Jon testing boundaries with Elias has been trying to figure out the boundaries of the contract. Remember in the martyrs chapter, where Martin is like "jon why do you have an employee email you're like sixteen???" it's because jon was already an employee, and employees are required to have an official email. He knew it and Elias knew it even if no one else did.

If Elias refused him an official institute email, Jon would know that the contract does not require him to provide all employees with Institute-standard resources as outlined in the employee manual. Maybe sections of the employee manual isn't binding, maybe the entire thing isn't binding. Jon knows breaking the Institute dress code probably isn't a part of the binding contract because of his Epic Fashion Moments (or, if it is, the penalty isn't death like leaving is), but does that apply to all parts of the employee manual? If he doesn't get an official email at the shiny age of sixteen when he's Not Supposed To Be Employed, then he knows another section of the employee manual just doesn't have teeth. But if Elias just gives him what any employee would be entitled to, then it could be because he had to or it could be because he chose to.

It's also the reason why getting people to quit was important to jon--yes, he was trying to get people free of the Institute, but if he pushed someone into quitting, he'd be able to test out some very valuable information about the contract. Can people quit if Elias allows it? Maybe the rule is that the Archives can't quit, but everyone else can if Elias allows it. Maybe everyone can quit if Elias lets them. Maybe no one can quit and they're all fucked. If Elias can let some people quit but never lets them quit, then Jon has no data points to work with when trying to figure out how people escape the contract.

Which is also why elias flipped his shit and burned the HR records the one time Jon managed to get his hands on them. Over the years, there have been people who unknowingly stumbled into one of the rules binding Elias, and he let them quit without protest. There's a very good chance that that's because he had to let them quit. If Jon could find the common denominator between people who quit successfully, then maybe he could figure out how to do the same, which is why Elias has spent so long making sure he gets as little information as possible to work with. Jon can't win the game if he never learns the rules.

It is important to note that Elias breaking the terms of the contract that bind him may not be "and now Jon can finally go home oh my fucking god." The penalties for breach of contract, that we know of, are death. Does Elias face the same penalties if he breaches? Does he face some kind of other penalty? We don't know yet, because Elias is guarding those terms like his fucking life depends on it.

[andragoras-in-vanity]

isekai is such a popular genre right now, and its taken a clear shift from 'i got isekai'd and now im a fantasy hero!' to 'i got isekai'd and now i get to live a quiet and happy life in the countryside/as a librarian/pharmacist' and obviously a lot of it is just......someone wrote this to kill time and draw boobies, but Parallel World Pharmacy was so good???? i cried so many times, and i love the shift in tone the genre has gained with stuff like that

[enobariasteeth]

I can’t imagine experiencing watching The Labyrinth as a child. I was like 17 when I watched it and it scared the shit out of me

[theevilcactus]

We don't know her biological parents. It would be so easy for her to turn out to be an alien.

also i'm holding out hope that ruby's an alien. we've had too many human companions let's get crazy with it

[twitchytwitchtwitch]

Just get a look at my cat

[pseudowho]

Thinking about...

...long-term 'too comfortable' relationships with the JJK guys, when all the weird/gross/silly things creep in.

Pinning Gojo Satoru against a wall, having spotted an enormous pimple on his chin that you just have to get: "there's nothing wrong with m-- how dare you-- ow ow ow get off me--" "don't be such a melt, Satoru, keep still, that absolutely cannot stay on your face--"

Sitting on the toilet and chatting with Nanami Kento while he showers, and he wordlessly hands you a fresh toilet roll from the cabinet while he brushes his teeth; "thank you Kento" "mmmmmhm" and you continue chatting while you pee, leaving the bathroom door open. You forget to get off the toilet, so he brings you your tea there, while you continue to tell him about your day.

Laughing at Geto Suguru as he steps out of the bathroom after a bit of manscaping; "no no no-- go and get your razor, you're all patchy" "ah shit, really?" "yeah, you look like you've got a really bad gardener" "at least I try to trim the hedges..."

Plucking Fushiguro Toji's back hairs out one at a time; "OW-- dammit woman, stop doin' it like you hate me--" "--look, if you keep getting hairier, I'll just wax you instead, you're such a bear--" "--alright alright, I'll get your little witchy chin hair after--" "hey!"

Calling out to Okkotsu Yuuta while you're stuck on the toilet, blood over your hands and panties; "hey, Yuuta! Can you grab me some new underwear, and a pad?" "Sure!" Yuuta shuffles back to you, unfazed, as you hand him your bloodied panties to put in the laundry basket, "that bad, huh? You got enough stuff to last you?" "actually, I might need you to run to the shops..."

Creeping up behind Zenin Maki while she washes her bras in the sink, dropping a few of your own ones in, pressing a sloppy kiss to her cheek; "hey, hey, I'm not your washer woman" "yeah you are, such a beautiful washer woman" "psh...you're doing them next time"

Takuma Ino smiling as you curl on the sofa beside him in slummy old pyjamas full of holes (an ancient t-shirt of his, joggers you've had for at least ten years...), and you let out a fart; "sorry, sorry..." "don't be, I know you can do better than that" and Takuma lets one rip himself, sighing with relief.

Dropping your toothbrush down the toilet at Higuruma Hiromi's house; "ah, shit!" "oh, damn...just use mine" "eurgh, I'm not doing that!" "darling, be reasonable, I eat your pussy, we share much more--" "that's different--" "well by all means then, my love, enjoy your toilet toothbrush..."

Catching Todo Aoi taking a swig of milk out of the carton; "get a glass, jesus!" "whatever babe, it's just me and you here" "that is disgusting, unsanitary" "oh? I'll show you disgusting and unsanitary...c'mere"

When Kugisaki Nobara steps out of the bedroom, wearing your panties; "hey, they're my favourite!" "well they're my favourite too..." "yeah, on me! Get them off-- get back here--" and you dart after her, Nobara laughing as you try to pull your underwear off her, "help, help, I'm being assaulted!"

Catching Itadori Yuuji giving himself a scratch and sniff; "you absolute goblin-- go wash your hands!" Yuuji darts after you, laughing, his hand outstretched as you screech, ducking and running past him; "what, this hand? Come back baby! Where you goin'?"

Telling Fushiguro Megumi every single time you need to poop; "pause the movie! Gotta go poop," and he absolutely returns the favour, sitting on the toilet while you're taking a bath , "I'd wait...but I can't" "alright alright, just don't stink the place out" "I don't make promises I can't keep"

[madwomansapologist]

Hi, are you still looking for Baldur's Gate 3 requests? Could you please write something about the main BG3 Companions (+ our boi Halsin) with a Tav/reader who's really short and adorable and just an absolute sweetheart but is horrifyingly powerful in their lore? Like NPCs who know about them back away in fear kinda thing. Maybe Tav can even transform into some sort of battle form where they're like 9 feet tall (as opposed to their usual height of like 4' 10") and can absolutely kick ass on the battlefield?

Thanks so much, I hope you have a wonderful day! Take care!

bg3 companions with a adorably powerful tav

Navigation | More Weirdos | AO3

synopsis: Who could imagine such a sweet thing as you had the reputation of a hero?

warnings: companions (lae'zel, shadowheart, astarion, gale dekarios, wyll ravengard, karlach, halsin, jaheira) x tav. fluff.

note: thank you for your request! oh gods how i missed writing headcanons. i hope you like this, have a wonderful day!

Lae'zel

Lae'zel knew your shared condition had a cure, and was willing to put herself in danger by taking the entire party with her to the nearest crèche. That being said, how couldn't she judge you?

You were too easy on everyone. Making promises you clearly shouldn't, taking them seriously despite her best efforts to put some sense in your head. The party was supposed to only stop walking when surrounded by githyankis, but no burdened tiefling or hurt animal escaped your careful gaze.

That you knew how to fight surprised her, but to see fear and admiration in the eyes of civillians... that made Lae'zel pay more attention to you. You had a reputation. Not as a writer, bard or patron. You're know for striking down your enemies.

Fighting at the goblin's camp, there were so many oponents even Lae'zel didn't knew if it would be her last fight. You saw it too, so you made sure to use everything you had to win. Even if you would rather not turn into an eldritch creature.

She got enchanted by your battle form. Steel and iron where nothing against the pure strenght of your skin. Whatever crossed your path that day suffered at your hands.

That was the first time Lae'zel got happy for being wrong about someone.

"Perhaps I've judged you too hard. You are fierce, foracious, as sharp as my sword and as brave as a red dragon. Keep on surprising me and a istik you'll be no more."

Shadowheart

Shadowheart couldn't care less about the tieflings and their problems, but it was endearing to watch you wandering throught the Coast in an attempt to ensure their safety. It was a sight she couldn't expect to observe in this journey, not when considering the worm twitching behind her eye and the artifact messing with their dreams.

Still, you could shut down her biggest fears with ease. While she tried to remain quiet, you were full of kind words to share with whoever was near. You care for all beings, great and small, and Shadowheart can respect that. A person without a truth to follow is empty, but one with a mission turns into so much more than just a walking corpse.

She focused on protecting you during fights. Always giving you some sort of magic shield, casting sanctuary, begging you to drink potions and elixirs that would keep you safe.

Goblins attacked, and for a second everyone was too surprised to react properly. Except by you. You were quick to defend your party, to fight for them, and won a fight no one was preparad to.

Shadowheart decided not to underestimate you again. Kind words, gentle actions, caring gaze: she was so focused on her own view about you that forgot to pay attention to the way everyone else saw you.

You're powerful. The kinda of powerful that their party had to be grateful that you were fighting besides them.

When you revealed your beast form to her, Shadowheart already knew you were a sight to behold.

"You are full of surprises, aren't you? Good. I like how you keep me on my toes, love."

Astarion

In theory, he should've been delighted with your personality. You were the perfect prey. A leader so sweet, he could change your mind at his will and you wouldn't even noticed. Others respect you. Astarion would be safe and sound.

But Astarion isn't capable of forgetting how easily you fought back when he tried to fool you. How he didn't even saw you moving, and was alone on the floor before he could understand what had hit him.

Instead of a person, you were a walking question mark. How can you be so sickenly adorable, and still so ready to strike down your enemies? Were did the sweet half of you finished and the other one started?

People know you. He saw respect in druid's eyes, fear when goblins heard your name. Halsin knew about you. And so did Minthara.

Few are able to live up to their reputation, but you're one of those. So strong, so brave, but your kindness wasn't ignored by him. It was as if in your head the whole world deserved your kindness, until it did no more. Only then you react.

Astarion don't know what to think about it.

When you attacked as a beast, tearing spiders apart as if they were a piece of meat in your plate, Astarion laughed until his belly ache.

How could be so right and so wrong about someone?

"Don't mind me, darling. I'm just rejoicing at the sight of your bloody hands. Come here. Let me taste your heroic mess."

Gale Dekarios

Gale learned two things about you when you pulled him out of stone: you were kind, and so damn strong.

You were adorable. A perfect equation between what people must do in order to survive and what they must do in order to live well. He can't see you not being surrounded by friends and admirers, all enchanted by your sweet words and rightful attacks.

He feared the party's reaction to the Orb, but a part of him knew you would let him stay. He never imagined you would give him magic artifacts without a second question, or that you would hug him after he told you his whole story.

You didn't let him go. Neither did Gale.

To say he was willing to agree with whatever you did was to say his heart beats. It was only natural. Maybe you both differ on the path you want to take, but the destination is usually the same.

When he saw you feral, body changing to give space to something else, Gale wondered if he was one of those enchanted people surrounding you. If he wasn't fighting for his life, Gale would gadly gaze upon you for the rest of the day.

"Disgusted? I was unable to look away from you! You are the one I love, no claws or tentacles will ever change that. Must I add, my love, your light remains strong in whatever form you decide to use."

Wyll Ravengard

To say the least, he's a fan. Oh, how lovely are the tales of your adventures through Faêrun. He remember arguing with bards about the accuracy of their versions and the reason behind their choice of words. You were what a hero must aim to.

How long were the nights he spend wandering after he was casted out of Baldur's Gate. Lonely nights, but never silent. Wyll's mind fought against itself. He lost everything to help and protect others. Sometimes he worried if he had lost himself too.

Your tales weren't his salvation. None of them shut down those voices that insisted on telling him about the mistakes he made, neither did them shut Mizora. But they inspired him. If you did all those things, remained human even as a beast, he could survive a talkative cambion. Wyll Ravengard can defeat her by staying loyal to himself.

Wyll didn't had to hear your name to know you were fighting next to him, defending the grove against goblins and worgs. He saw enough drawings of you to recognize you from miles afar. When you asked him to be a member of your party, Wyll felt as if a million fireworks exploded inside his chest at the same time.

He did felt anger and pain because of the tadpole, but never fear. Fighting beside you, Wyll knew he didn't had to fear for his future. And after seeing how willing you were to argue with multiple cambions, he started to have hope.

"I used to read about legends, myths of bravery and rightousness. Some see it as just tales for the naive. Thank you, my heart. For proving them wrong time after time."

Karlach

She's the only one with an excuse for not knowing who you are. When strangers call you by your entire name, when companions use your epithet: Karlach just never thought about it. She ignored it, paying no mind to others.

But Karlach did knew you were a absolute sweetheart. What you didn't had of height you compensate with a gigantic personality. For her, the way you behaved was simply alluring.

While many prefer to think the world is a bad place and no one living there can chose to be or do better, you are just another reason for her to know that it's bullshit. Because Karlach is good, despise it all. And Wyll. And you.

And Minsc!!!

You had a fire on you whenever you had to fight. She didn't need to know your story to see how great you can be. Some people just have that. She don't know if that fire is born or forged, but some people just have it.

To see you as a beast made her the most happy woman in Faêrun. She got speechless, all she could do was laugh and run around to have a better view of you ending the Steel Watch.

"You got 'em, soldier! Go on, bite his arm off! You see that monster over there? The one with glowing eyes. That's the love of my fucking life."

Halsin

He saw you before. Druids and harpist fought against sharrans, and you were one of the heroes who joined their cause. At that time Halsin didn't talked to you, but he knew you fought until the very end and stayed to help with the infirm.

When you rescued him, Halsin knew you remembered him too. There was some understanding between you both, a companionship that only those who foght together can share.

He knew you were a hero, one of those who fight wars that don't affect them because someone needs too, but your personality was a good surprise. Halsin haven't imagined you so easy going. Always offering smiles, light jokes, being clumsy without a care when danger was far away.

After the battle against sharrans, he thought those who refered to you as a monster were trying to make others understand how eficient you were. It surprised him to see they were just being honest.

Nothing would stop Halsin from turning into a bear and joining you.

"In this damned city, you are a beacon of hope. The Oak Father graced us with your light. From your fiece strikes to your honey soaked words... I am lucky to live at the same time as you, my love."

Jaheira

As a fellow adventurer, it surprised Jaheira that you weren't already tired. You both lived for so long, did so much, it would be only natural for you to give a pause on your endless smiles and envied patience. She was wrong, but that wasn't a bad thing.

Jaheira knew how this life can steal things from you. Peace feels like a threat, to stop make you feel like a prey, to laugh makes you wonder if it will be the last time. Is impossible to be a hero without losing. She's glad you didn't lose yourself in your path.

There was an unspoken pact between you both. The stories, the songs, the faux memories. So many think to know everything about you two. Sometimes Jaheira will read you a book you're in when she knows it's a shameless lie, and you sing her songs about adventures she did not lived.

Your laugh could make her feel younger. Alive. You both were so differents, but knew each other in a way few could.

Whenever you chose to strike as a monster, she would join you as a myrmidon and had her fun. You both deserve it.

"I did well not underestimating you, cub. It is impossible not to laugh at those who can't see how your bright smile hides sharp fangs. As pretty as a diamond, and as fierce too."

if you enjoyed, please reblog! i promise it makes a difference ♡

BALDUR’S GATE 3 TAGLIST: @citrusbunnies

@ madwomansapologist.tumblr.

[moghedien]

Actually obsessed with the whole dynamic Minthara has with the tadpole mind melding powers. Because while I believe almost every other companion with a tadpole does use the powers to sort of communicate/share thoughts with the PC at some point, and even to share personal information, it feels different with Minthara

For one thing, while all (except Gale for some reason) of the tadpoled origin characters sorta mind meld with you upon meeting, it isn’t intentional with them. You’re all doing that on accident. But the first thing Minthara does upon meeting you is intentionally grab your mind and pry into it. She 100% knows she’s doing it and means to do it and the way it’s described is almost sensual

Like it’s jarring and firm, but not worded as being rough or aggressive. She caresses your mind.

But you also have to keep in mind that she is under mind control at this moment and while her decisions aren’t her own to a significant degree, her desires to reach into other people’s minds and look inside seems to be a largely Minthara thing. Other true souls do it but generally only to identify you and they’re content after learning you’re a true soul. Minthara wants to see what’s going on in your head, to an extent maybe only Z’rell does, though even with Z’rell it’s more sadism on wanting to see the goblins suffer and testing your loyalty (notably after she’s just had to sentence a high ranking true soul to death for failing under her watch so loyalty is a concern atm).

And the really interesting thing here is that Minthara is the only one (at this moment because you don’t have Minsc yet) that has a real and genuine trauma around the tadpole controlling her mind. All of the origin characters were being protected from the absolute’s control pretty much from the start. Minthara wasn’t, and she was tadpoled in an intentionally violent and horrifying way by Orin, and only after Orin made her suffer while in possession of her own mind. Orin tortured her, tadpoles her and made Minthara worship her, and then tortured her some more while Minthara couldn’t do anything but love her. It’s to the point where even all of her hatred of Ketheric stems from the sole fact he handed her over to Orin. Anything else he did, she hardly seems bothered by and even says she respects him. Him being the reason that Orin had her is the one reason she wanted him to die.

After Minthara is free from the absolute’s mind control, she doesn’t really noticeably pry into your mind until the scene where you can start a romance with her, and the dynamic there is what really makes the whole thing interesting to me.

Because she is clearly concerned about your relationship status, because she has to be at a high approval rating to get this scene, meaning SHE likes you. That doesn’t mean that you like her or that you’re trustworthy. She is a Baenre. Her last allegiances were with people that falsely welcomed her in and then tortured her. She isn’t going to accept that anyone is trustworthy.

Not unless she can go in and see that you really truly are.

Which is what really makes this dynamic, because Minthara has THE most trauma around being tadpoled and mind controlled, and yet the only way she can trust someone that she’s started to like is by using said tadpole abilities to look into their mind and seeing what they think about her. Like the tadpoling combined with her upbringing in Menzoberranzan made literally looking inside someone’s mind the only option for her to determine if they’re trustworthy. Which is probably why that was her go-to even when she was under the absolute’s control. Then, being chosen by the absolute was enough for her to accept you, even if you’re a darthiir

And when you get the scene where she wants to look in your kind, it starts with her trying to do so and then pulling back. Almost as if she did it without meaning to. Like she’d been worried if she couldn’t trust you and so her instinct was just to check, but then she realized what she was doing and that it’s wrong to do that so she stops herself. Like she’s definitely grown used to just doing that, but being aware now means she’s aware of that being wrong, even if it’s really really something she needs to see. So she stops herself and explains what’s bothering her and then asks to go in and look at your mind.

And notably, the thing she says she’s having trouble with is her identity, which yeah. She absolutely is having identity issues but that is another post, and I don’t think that’s even really the main reason she’s doing this. Like I said, she has to like you a lot in order to get this scene and what comes from this scene implies that she was trying to pin down your relationship, not her identity.

If you let her in and she sees that you view her positively and not in a way that threatens her, she just comes onto you right there. She very clearly wanted to trust you and if she looks in and sees that you’re not a threat to her, she just goes all in on that. If you don’t immediately see her as a love interest, she does try to talk you into it and expresses the need your absolute trust and whatnot. Like ensuring trust was always her goal there.

But if you basically come onto her first by indicating you see her as a lover, she immediately makes herself even more vulnerable. She does so by just letting you touch her mind after she’s been through the worst fucking mind control, but if you indicate you want her, she just immediately drops whatever guards she still had up and lets you in.

It was absolutely a test of her ability to trust you, not her trying to figure out her identity, at least not her identity outside of her relationship with you.

And once you’ve both peeped inside and determined you aren’t going to hurt each other, like I said she’s much more vulnerable both in her tone and words but also she’s still in your mind

She already admitted her fears to you at this point, but reading her almost hesitance to touch your mind after this is just a whole other level. Because this is after you agree to be with her, and now she’s all of a sudden afraid of touching your mind. Not because she’s afraid of what she’ll see there because she’s already seen it. And idk what I’m even saying here but just the moment when Minthara knows without a doubt that the two of you are something is the moment she shows hesitance with touching her mind. And it wasn’t as if the first time she did it in the goblin camp it was rough. It was notably not rough and described as a caress.

But it’s just all coming together now. Touching your minds is the only way she can feel safe, but it’s also the thing that hurt her the most in the past with others. So now she has safety and she has you and she has permission to be in your mind, and she hesitates, like she’s afraid of doing even the slightest thing to hurt you now.

Because if you’ve gotten this far with her, you are literally the only person what Minthara has ever loved that the love didn’t come with stipulations and violence. And if you realize that, it’s clear why she would so immediately devote herself to the first person she liked who she could be absolutely sure wouldn’t hurt her and why she hesitates now when doing things that even slightly resemble how she was hurt in the past.

[meanbossart]

Hi! I'm almost certain you've answered asks regarding Drow being a companion love interest before, but I'm not sure if my question was specifically discussed. If so, I apologize!

Say I wanted the smelly, gore lusting man (God the things I'd do), what would the player find themselves needing to do to gain that relationship with him?

HMM good question, lets see!

Generally speaking, to gain approval you would have to:

Show ruthlessness during dialogue and interactions (succeed intimidation checks or jump straight into combat)

Be kind towards animals, and honest/patient with children (He will be neutral if you just coddle them)

Oppose the absolute and antagonize mindflayers, gith, and drow.

Be nice to Shadowheart.

Pick a lot of the joke/playfully mean dialogue options.

Be a little hard-to-get in romance interactions until act 3.

Responding to his advances with more mellow, romantic dialogue will earn you more points than overt sexuality (In some cases, the latter may even get you disapproval).

Make him laugh.

To trigger his romance, you have to have good approval and sleep with him once. Following that, pressuring him to sleep with you again or shaming him for not putting your life in danger by trying will earn you disapproval, and an eventual break-up if you continue to insist. He enjoys being wooed, but not chased, and dislikes when you misunderstand his visceral attempts to emotionally reach out as sexual propositions; he will play along either way, but it will put him on a Bhaalist path.

Some quest choices that will get you on his good side:

ACT 1 -

He's indifferent if Arabella dies, but you gain approval if you save her.

Let him take on the Loviatar Priest when he requests it.

Don't get the Absolute's mark from Priestess gut.

Save Mayrina, but then either break or keep the wand.

Let Astarion kill Gandrel.

Help Karlach.

Either let Shadowheart kill Lae'zel, or stop the fight.

Don't kill the owlbear mother or cub.

Send Barcus flying (He doubles over laughing)

Kill Minthara.

Side with the mercenaries at Grymforge.

Kill the gith student refusing to fight.

Refuse to give the inquisitor the artefact.

ACT 2 -

Help Arabella find her parents.

Don't release the pixie from the moonlantern.

Help Mol cheat against Raphael.

Let him massacre the goblins at Moonrise Towers.

Get the Thorm bosses AND yurgir to kill themselves instead of fighting any of them (again: You are rewarded with him laughing his ass off about it)

Don't comply with Araj.

If you save Zevlor at the mindflayer colony, shame him for giving into the Absolute's call.

Antagonize the emperor after his reveal and refuse the astral tadpole.

ACT 3 -

Help Yenna with either gold or food, but don't invite her to your camp.

Kill Arfur once you find out about the explosive toys.

Forge an alliance with Gortash.

Win the Laff riot contest.

Don't surrender Dame Aylin to Lorroakan.

Don't sign the contract, but agree to get the Orphic hammer through other means later. (Anything to not rely on the Emperor anymore)

If she hasn't become a Dark Justiciar, don't surrender Shadowheart to Viconia (He will fight the party unless you leave him at camp and succeed a deception check later). He doesn't care what you do if she's a DJ.

Vanra's quest can get you either approval or disapproval at different points. He approves of you agreeing to help her, then also approves of you killing her for the money, but he disapproves of you letting the child die or of siding with Ethel.

Agree to the Avenge The Drowned quest (He just thinks they're hot)

Don't let Astarion Ascend, or kill him if he does.

Kill Sarevok.

Let him take on Orin by himself.

Don't turn into a mindflayer (he will break up with you later), nor let Karlach do it.

If he's become a chosen of Bhaal, let him control the Absolute.

[revvethasmythh]

Reminded again, as I periodically am, that there's a fair number of people in the fandom that think of Nott the Brave and Veth Brenatto as two different characters, and not fundamentally the same woman. In the absolute literal sense, this is false: Nott the Brave, returned to the body of her choice and using her real name once again, is absolutely precisely the same person she was before Caleb cast Transmogrification on her. This is, incidentally, one of her main sources of angst towards the end of the campaign! A part of Nott must have both feared (and, in some ways, hoped) that when she was changed back into a halfling, she would also be a different person. That the person she became traveling with the Nein would be an easy identity to shed, which she may have hoped for because it would be easier to fit herself back into her home life with Yeza and Luc--and because it would be easier to say goodbye to the Nein if that were the case. And she feared it because she liked this person she became, no matter how transgressive society would label her for it. And she loved the Nein and didn't want those feelings to be altered.

But she didn't change. Veth Brenatto is Nott the Brave and Nott the Brave is Veth Brenatto. This was always the point. That's why it's an anagram. It's just that when she's Veth Brenatto again, she is much more focused on the why of what she's doing. Why am I still with the Nein? Why am I still adventuring? Why do I have this reticence to return home to my family? Why don't I long for that quiet, domestic life the way I once did? Her emotional journey becomes intensely personal, sometimes subtly/quietly told, and wholly about what kind of future she wants for herself and how her choice could affect those around her. Her two families become anchor points pulling her in different directions and she has to deal with that. Which is a different story than what she was telling when she was still Nott the Brave. Nott's story was much simpler--I am a goblin and I hate it and I would like to be a halfling again. I would like to be able to be with my family again. It's straightforward and it's achieved! But that's not where it ends, because she still needs to figure out a real, functional future for herself once her goal has been achieved.

All this to say, I think when people say they prefer Nott over Veth, it's important to remember that you are reacting to a certain story arc for the character, not an entirely different character. It may also pay to ask yourselves why you think they're so different. Was "Nott" funnier than "Veth" to you? Does her ability to serve as comic relief fundamentally change whether you like her or not? Did you appreciate "Nott's" themes more than "Veth's"? Or did you even notice the themes being explored in Veth's later game at all?

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

Rating Non-Zelink and Non-BotW Link Ships in Legend of Zelda Games because they don't get enough love

Malink; Malon x Link: Adorable and somewhat canon depending on who you think TP Link's parents are and what timeline shenanigans you subscribe to. Link's first non-Kokiri friend turning into his soulmate is cute and finding peace after the craziness of OoT is beautiful. Also, Malon is cute as a button. 11/10, love you, funky Horsegirl.

Ilia x Link: Pretty good but feels too much like a reskin of Malink to be really fun. People give Ilia grief for freaking out about Epona but it really isn't fucking deserved. Girl get's done dirty by the narrative and the fandom and she deserves better. Also, memory loss and falling in love all over again is absolute peak. 9/10, you deserve better, baby.

Marin x Link: A child's first taste of tragic ending and hot girls being doomed by the narrative. Very child friendly "Calypso and Odysseus" feel to this one. Still, Marin is absolutely adorable and the idea of falling in love with a literal dream is heartbreaking. 10/10, would cry like a little kid again.

Link x Ruto: Okay, hear me out, this one isn't terrible. Ruto's chld-like crush on the guy who saved her life is pretty cute and being a haughty teenager about it is pretty funny. Also, she understands they can't be together, and sends him off with her love and good wishes, which is surprisingly mature of her. I'm just saying, Ruto isn't the weirdo people make her out to be. 7/10, it still feels like entrapment

Midlink; Midna x Link: TOP TIER! BEST OF THE BEST! ABSOLUTE PEAK ROMANCE! Romeo and Juliet style star-crossed lovers from literal opposing sides of reality. Allies of convenience to friends to soulmates?! PEAK! Adorable evil goblin design for most of the game and then complete knockout reveal at the end?! ROMANCE DOOMED BY THE NARRATIVE?! PEAK, I TELL YOU! PEAK! (Also I headcannon that because Midna looks like a Hylian she's considered ugly by Twili standards so Link finding her beautiful warms her heart). 20/10, best ship, best girl, best love story.

Ganlink; Ganondorf x Link: Objectively the funniest Legend of Zelda ship in existence and I will take no arguments on that. Destined enemies giving the middle finger to fate and falling in love instead? Amazing. Ganondorf hates every minute of it but he's also the happiest he's ever been with this stupid twink and he hates that too. 10/10, something something the Grinch's heart grew three sizes that day.

Link x Zant: Objectively hilarious as Link is seducing his enemies into submission yet again, like any self-respecting bard, but this one feels a little too Batman x Joker like for my liking. I really ship Zant x Therapy but Midna watching her rival give up his conquering ambitions for a twink is objectively hilarious. 8/10, not great but not bad.

Got others you want me to rate? Let me know! Or better yet, rate them yourself and I'll tell you if I agree or not.

[ronance4everbrainrot]

EEEEEEven more incorrect quotes! Merlin Academy Gang! AND MORE. Kinda long? Idk

(and ships)

Hook: Okay, who's turn is it to give the pep talk?

Uliana: It's Hades's turn.

Hades: Don't die.

Uliana, wiping a tear away: Truly inspirational.

(so beautiful 😭 I don't know how to explain, but this is canon now)

---

Maleficent : Now it's time for some witty back and forth banter. You go first.

Fay: *sobbing*

Maleficent : Look, I'm not sure where to go with that.

(She's used to her and Hades banter and fights. Fay still needs to get used to that)

---

Fay: What the hell is wrong with you?

Hades: I have this weird self-esteem issue where I hate myself but still think I’m better than everyone else.

(mm. Yeah.)

---

Hook: Goodnight to the love of my life, Morgie, and fuck the rest of y'all.

(just a normal day)

---

Morgie: *is throwing stones at Ella's window*

Ella: You have a phone for a reason, Morgie!

*THUD*

Ella: DID YOU JUST THROW YOUR PHONE AT MY WINDOW?!

(Love my little chaos goblin. He absolutely knew what he was doing)

---

Ella: Hey, I was wondering, have any of you guys ever seen Morgie’s bedroom?

Bridget: No, they refuse to let any of us visit. You know what that means.

Maleficent, nodding: Dungeon.

Hades, nodding: Rich.

Uliana , nodding: Homeless.

Ella, nodding: Secretly in the mafia.

Bridget: What? No, I meant they’re messy. What the hell is wrong with all of you?

(Hook not being there because he's in Morgie's bedroom right now. they are cuddling)

---

Ella: I apologize for saying 'fuck' in front of Bridget.

Fay: You just said it again.

Bridget:

Ella: I am not a role model.

(don't worry Ella. She knows worse. She just doesn't use them)

---

Bridget: Accidentally indulged in too much ‘free time’, turns out I’ve been reported missing for over six months and presumed dead by most local and national authorities.

(once she went back to wonderland and didn't text anyone anything. Just sulking in her feelings for Ella)

---

Hades: How do you do that?

Charming: I'm fearless.

Hook: I saw you run from bees yesterday. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad.

Charming: I'm mostly fearless.

(Mhm. But fair)

---

Bridget, on the phone: I better go…kay, call me later… byeeee!

Hook: Friend of Yours?

Bridget: Nope, wrong number.

Hook: ???

(Hey. She's not gonna pass on making new friends 🤷)

---

(add some glassheart)

Chloe: What do you call quantums of electromagnetic radiation that don’t get along?

Red: What did you just say-

Chloe: Foetons! *Laughs*

Red: Wh-what?

(love how Red is just confused. Chloe making puns/dad jokes. Canon, actually)

---

Ella: Please pray for Chloe.

Bridget: What happened to them?

Ella: Nothing, they’re just very stupid.

(not her own mother saying that (he doesn't know tho lol). But honestly that's after the vase incident.)

---

Red: Chloe, you're my best friend.

Chloe: Best friend? BEST friend?! Bitch, I'm your only friend.

Chloe: I'M THE ONLY ONE CAPABLE OF TOLERATING YOUR DUMB ASS!

(oop- true)

---

*The gang's thoughts on stabbing*

Morgie/Fay: Would never stab anyone.

Ella/Charming: Would stab someone in retaliation.

Hook/Maleficent: Yells "I won't hesitate, bitch!" first.

Hades: Would stab without warning.

Uliana/Bridget: Would stab as a warning.

(I wanted to put Bridget in the last one lol. Like if someone went too far and hurt one of her friends she'd be like *stab* don't do it again or next time it will be worse)

---

Uliana: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.

Bridget: Those are wanted posters!

(yeah. Still)

---

Maleficent: *looks at Hades*

Maleficent: Baby boy. Bad Boy.

Maleficent: *looks at Fay*

Maleficent: goody two shoes

(changed it a bit lol. Also Me just randomly shipped Maleficent and Fay because gay. Just a crack ship lol)

---

Red: I got an idea!

Chloe: Does it involve breaking the law?

Red: By now don’t you think that’s a given?

Chloe: I was just trying to be optimistic.

Red: Don’t bother.

(GOTTA GET YOUR HANDS DIRTY! UwU)

---

Chloe: You're not my friend anymore.

Red: I was your friend?

(Red. You just called her your best friend a few seconds ago! She's just trying to play it cool. She's screaming on the inside.)

---

Red: Sometimes I talk to myself for no reason.

Red: Me too!

(oh no. She's mad. PSST. I HAVE THREE ACCOUNTS ON DISCORD AND ACTED LIKE TWO OF THEM WEREN'T ME. I HAD CONVERSATIONS WITH MYSELF, BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WAS ONLINE AND I WAS BORED 😭 I was very invested in my own dramas that I created. It also started with only two accounts 🫠)

---

Queen of Hearts, to Red: You're starting to forget your Spanish. You don't practice.

Red: Lo siento. Estoy embarazada.

Queen of Hearts: You just told me you're pregnant.

Maddox: Congratulations Red, you're glowing!

(Red can speak Italian and Spanish and also has a hidden British accent. There, my new headcanon)

---

(a little surprise)

Mal, staring lovingly at Evie: I would die for you.

Evie, doing their own thing: Then perish.

(Mal, you know not to interrupt Evie while she's working)

---

Mal: As a responsible adult-

Evie: *chuckles*

Mal: … As a responsible adult—

(Eeeviee, don't do Mal dirty like that. Even if you aren't wrong)

---

Evie: What do I get?

Mal: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.

Evie: Ooh, check, check, and check; not sure about that last one.

Mal: It won't be you.

Evie: I'll get my coat.

(what are they planning o~o)

---

Cinderella: What’s your greatest weakness?

Red: Interpreting the semantics of a question, but ignoring the pragmatics.

Cinderella: Could you give an example?

Red: Yes, I could.

(why does it feel relatable even tho I don't remember actually having done that)

---

Red: I don’t care what anyone thinks about me.

Chloe: Ok.

Red: Wait, why such a muted reaction? Did that not sound cool?

(Same Red, same Qvq)

---

Red, digging their grave: Long story short, this is ma grave.......Want me to make you one too?

(Omg Hunter! Is that you? ✨ love the owl house 😭😭😭. This is making me think Red fucked up a mission from her Mom. Like Hunter did.)

---

Red: I’m going to get so much done today.

Queen of Hearts: I’ll hold you to that.

*8 hours later*

Queen of Hearts: So how much did you get done?

Red: One thing.

Queen of Hearts:

Queen of Hearts: Well, that’s one more than usual.

(QvQ me TvT)

---

Mal, at Evie: You're my significant other.

Evie: Yeah I am!

Mal, at Celia: You're my child.

Celia: Yes boss.

Mal, at Uma: You're my bitch.

Uma: Yeah I am- wait, what?

Mal, at Carlos: My bestie.

Carlos: Naturally.

Mal, Jay: HA, GAY!

Jay: Fuck you.

(Jay x Gil 🤸)

---

Chloe: Wow! Celia made you cry?

Red, holding back tears: Yes, and they said some really mean things that are only partly true.

(Daaamn. She can do that tho. Wow fr)

---

*at an awards show*

Chloe: Can I carry you on my back like Mal did?

Red: I don't think Evie would like that.

Chloe: *pouts*

*Later*

Chloe: *carrying Red on their back*

Evie: What the hell??

Red: What was I supposed to do? Say no?

(Evie was panicking over Chloe's suit/dress because she made it for her. Do not ruin her designs. She will not take responsibility for what happens after that)

---

This was gonna be longer but I shall post it now anyway.

Hope you liked it.

Byeee

[mareastrorum]

I hope that having the Mighty Nein around helps the cast help each other with the stagnant parts of Bell’s Hells character arcs.

The Hells are not good at communicating with each other about their faults. Enter Jester, Veth, and Caduceus, who absolutely will call people out on shit without shame or malice.

The Hells have a narrow view of religion. Here’s Yasha, whose god helped her break away from an apocalyptic cult; Caduceus, who was raised in a religious household and likes helping people even when they don’t share his faith; Fjord, who found peace and self-acceptance with guidance from a goddess who asks so little of him; Jester, who somehow has cleric powers from her fey best friend whom she also carries around as her weasel sometimes; and Beau, who doesn’t worship Ioun outright, but still thinks she’s not bad and seeks out a connection at times.

The Hells don’t much care about other people when they talk about what the world should be like. Here’s Caleb, who wanted to turn back time, then got Wish and could do it literally any day he pleased, but has accepted that in order to change from the boy who was willing to kill his parents, he has to be the man that won’t break the world to bring them back. Beau accepted that people can be flawed in how they love, but she couldn’t let that decide whether she or anyone else is worth love or protection; her whole job is about trying to help the people of the Empire when systems don’t care about them. Fjord handed over an eye of Uk’otoa to save Jester’s life, and then immediately got the Nein back together to defeat Uk’otoa rather than let other people suffer the consequences for his choice.

The Hells were sympathetic to the All-Minds-Burn and only really balked at the Weave Mind because there was a controlling group at the top instead of a regular hive mind. Here’s the team that destroyed Cognouza because it turns out hive minds are a great way for despots to directly control a lot of people and use them like resources. Yasha and Caleb also have profound experience with mind control, conditioning, and memory wiping.

The Hells have some serious identity issues that haven’t been addressed because there’s just no time. (Ashton was an aasimar turned into a genasi; Laudna was treated like a Vex voodoo doll by a wizard who hates Vex; Fearne was conceived and sought specifically to be an exaltant vessel for Predathos; Imogen was hidden to avoid that.) Veth was turned into a goblin by a hag, was racist against goblins for years, eventually realized that her racism came from self-hatred for traits she shared with a specific goblin tribe, and got turned back into a halfling thanks to the dedication of her friends. Fjord wrestled with determining who he was before realizing he had to choose, and that didn’t mean there was a right or wrong choice; just that he couldn’t be someone else.

Like, the Nein would be great for some targeted discussion of these points if the Hells let their judgmental bullshit shine through at any point. It’s just a question of whether (a) the cast want to and put in the effort to do that, and (b) how much time they have to spare for those conversations.

[its-rach-writes]

Two Galleons and a Sickle - Sirius Black

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Summary: When your sixteen year old daughter starts acting strangely, your paranoid husband fears it might be drugs.

Warnings: fluff, fluff and more fluff! mentions of drugs, implications of sex, everyone lives au

Words: 1.3k

A/N: Back in my Sirius Black feels, so sad that I can't get into my old account but alas! Hope you guys enjoy this! I'm thinking about making a lil series of one shots. Please let me know what you think, I love you all! xxx

It was a lovely day in Godric’s Hollow, you smiled as you heard the laughter and joyful screams of the neighbourhood kids. School started again next week so they were enjoying their last bit of freedom. Your youngest was starting at Hogwarts in September too. You were excited for him but funnily enough, you weren’t looking forward to having an empty house.

“Ooh, smells good in here,” your husband chuckled as he kissed your cheek before he snagged some shredded cheese from the open packet.

“I’m making a little dinner for Reggie before he goes to his sleepover. You know he’s gonna have one slice of pizza and that’s it,” you spoke as you plated up the pasta, shouting for him to come downstairs.

“Reggie is going out too?” Sirius asked as he caught you around the waist.

“Mhm,” you laughed as you wrapped your arms around his neck, “Reggie’s got a sleepover, Eva’s going to sleep at Hermione’s, and I was thinking we should get a takeaway.”

“Absolutely, and we can finally crack open that bottle of goblin made wine that James got us for our wedding, if we’ve got the place to ourselves,” he smirked and pulled you into a kiss.

The kiss was short lived when Reggie came down the stairs and made a disgusted noise. You laughed as you pulled away from Sirius and handed Reggie the plate of pasta.

“Oh, mum, you know that Matt’s parents are gonna order pizza.”

“Yes, my darling but we both know that you’ll have one or two slices and decide it’s too greasy.”

Reggie scowled at you but said nothing as he went back upstairs. You decided to follow him upstairs to see if Eva wanted anything before she went out.

“Hey, Ev,” you knocked on her door before walking into her room, it looked like she was halfway through putting her hair in rollers.

“Hi, mum.”

“Hi sweetie. Do you want anything to eat before you go out?”

She shook her head no, “me and Mione are gonna grab some food with the guys.”

You nod as you leaned against the doorframe, “you will be safe won’t you?”

“Yes,” she rolled her eyes, “and before you – or dad – start overthinking you know that the strongest thing in Hermione’s house is cider.”

You laughed, you couldn’t help but agree and you were thankful that Eva chose to spend most of her time with Hermione.

By the time Eva was leaving, you and Sirius were one glass into the wine, along with half a Chinese takeaway.

“I’m going now,” she offered a small wave.

This apparantely wasn’t good enough for Sirius who leapt up to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Bye sweetie. Call us if you need anything,” Eva nodded with a small smile and then she was gone.

Sirius flopped back next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, “so,” he started.

“So,” you giggled.

“So, we have the house to ourselves.”

“Looks that way.”

“I’ve got a couple of things in mind to keep us occupied,” he smirked, his hands going down to your waist.

“Yeah? Like what?” you moved so you were straddling him, your hands on his shoulders.

“Well, if I remember correctly, it goes a little like this,” he cupped your cheek and pulled you into a kiss.

You eagerly kissed him back, your hands immediately tangling in his soft hair. It didn’t take long for you to realise that something was up, “what’s wrong?” you mumbled as you pulled away, your eyes flickering down to his slightly swollen lips.

“Nothing,” he shook his head before kissing you again. This continued for a couple of moments before he sighed and pulled away again.

“Is it me?”

“What? No, love of course not,” his arms tightened around your waist, silently asking you to stay where you were, “it’s Eva,” he sighed, “she’s acting strange isn’t she?”

You shrugged, “she’s just acting like a teenager.”

“I’m worried it might be drugs.”

“Well, sweetie, that’s pretty rich of you to say considering the amount of times I could smell that bong from your dorm in school.”

Sirius laughed but you could tell he was still thinking about it, you kissed his cheek, “how about I talk to her about it?”

Sirius nodded as his hands gently squeezed your hips, “let’s not waste this free house.”

You giggled as you leaned in to press a chaste kiss to his lips, “I completely agree.”

When Eva got back the next morning, you left her a while before you went to talk to her. You didn’t want her to feel ambushed.

“Can we talk?” you asked as you sat next to her on her bed.

She sighed and put her Quidditch book down, “dad thinks I’m doing drugs, right?” she scoffed when your eyes widened in surprise, “he’s not exactly subtle. I’m not doing drugs by the way.”

“Then what is it? Have you got a boyfriend? Have you got a girlfriend?”

Eva laughed, “look it’s nothing bad, okay? I’m just not ready to talk about it yet.”

“Well, that’s fair enough.”

Unbeknownst to you, you were soon going to find out what had your daughter acting so strangely. A couple of days before school started you and Sirius invited your friends over for dinner. It was an annual thing and this year it was your turn to host. Reggie was delighted as most of the attention was on him. James was asking him if he was going to try out for Quidditch while Lily asked him what house he wanted to be sorted into.

When the wine you and Lily were drinking was empty, you both went to get another one, giggling like school girls. As you walked into the kitchen, you both stopped dead as you stared at the scene before you. Eva and Harry was pressed up against one of the kitchen counters. Kissing. You and Lily exchanged a look before she spoke up.

“So, this is why dessert is taking so long to come out?”

The two teenagers immediately pulled away from each other with flushed cheeks and bright eyes, “mum,” they said in unison. Harry’s eyes were wide as he looked at Lily while Eva refused to look at you.

Lily giggled as she grabbed the bottle of wine from the fridge, “don’t mind us, we were just getting more wine,” she ushered you out of the kitchen. You were too dumbfounded to speak but you were secretly glad Eva had chosen someone nice like Harry.

A couple of minutes later, the two teenagers came back outside with the dessert in hand, they sat down as they placed it in the centre of the table. You witnessed them having some sort of silent conversation and after Harry nodded, Eva spoke up.

“Dad?”

“Yeah sweetpea?” Sirius asked as he glanced over.

“I’m not doing drugs, um,” she stumbled over her words as she glanced at Harry, “me and Harry are dating.”

Sirius looked like he didn’t understand what she’d just told him but before he could speak up, Remus asked his question.

“Who asked who out?”

“Erm,” Eva frowned at him in confusion, “I asked Harry out.”

“Ha! Pay up,” he shouted across the table at Regulus, Sirius’ brother.

Regulus rolled his eyes as he handed some coins over, “ugh, there. Two Galleons and a Sickle.”

“Seriously?” Sirius scowled, his eyes flashing.

Regulus and Remus shrugged in unison, “if we had to watch all the pining looks we decided we at least had to make it interesting.”

“Pricks,” James rolled his eyes.

“Well at least it’s not drugs, I’m very happy for you two.”

Eva scoffed, “I think you’re the last person who can preach to me about not taking drugs, I’ve seen the pictures of you guys in school. Mum and Lily must have been high if they dated you guys with those awful haircuts.”

You looked at Sirius’ perfect hair, “she’s right you know. They were awful haircuts.”

[thebisexualdogdad]

Headcanons for dating Felicia Hardy without knowing she's the notorious thief Black Cat.

Felicia Hardy x Male!reader

● you're just a normal guy living in new york city, with a normal job and a normal girlfriend

● (well, at least you think you have a normal girlfriend, you've seen plenty of headlines about the notorious thief Black Cat but never could you possibly imagine that her and your girlfriend Felicia Hardy were one and the same)

● Felicia doesn't talk about her “finance” job much, she says she doesn't want to bore you and prefers to separate business from pleasure anyways

● but you know it's gotta pay well by her luxurious apartment that overlooks the city along with her closets full of expensive clothes and jewelry

● she goes on “work” trips a lot

● most of the time she's still in New york but after you showed up at her apartment one night to surprise her with dinner and wine as she was climbing back through her balcony nearly catching her in her black cat suit she thought telling you she was going out of town for a couple days was safer

● but sometimes she actually does go on trips for heists to change things up and you get pictures from her hotel room saying ‘wish you were here’

● no matter how long you've been together she still flirts with you like it's the first time you met

● and it's become a bit of a game that when you go out she tries to pick you up like you're strangers

● it's how you discovered she is very much a fan of roleplay

● Felicia enjoys romance

● she loves when you plan spontaneous dates around the city

● or bring her flowers for no reason

● but cooking together is her absolute favorite thing

● the kitchen always ends up a mess because she'll toss flour at your shirt to start a food fight

● or put sauce on your lips to lick it off (which usually ends with you making out on the kitchen counter)

● you're out to dinner with Felicia when you notice a guy at another table staring at her

● “do you know that guy? He hasn't stopped staring at you since we got here”

● she looks over her shoulder and knows exactly who it is, “oh that's Peter, he's an old friend and that's his girlfriend MJ”

● “really? We should invite them to join us”

● Peter is super awkward when they do and is trying to figure out if you know about his and Felicia's alter egos or not

● “so Peter how do you and Felicia know each other?”

● “Oh uh- we… you know-” he rambles and Felicia has to save him

● “we used to work together back in the day”

● and MJ kicks him under the table to get it together

● at the end of the night you're walking Felicia home, “Peter and MJ were nice, we should go out with them again sometime, it would be fun to have more couple friends”

● “I'm sure they would love that too” she laughs

● you're watching tv on the couch one lazy afternoon, her legs thrown over your lap when a breaking news story comes on about a priceless jewel going missing with the number one suspect being the black cat

● “it's impressive”

● “what is?”

● “that after all these years spider-man still can't catch black cat, I mean it's not like she's causing any real harm to the city like green goblin or doctor octopus but still, it's impressive”

● she smiles to herself and puts her head on your shoulder

● she wishes she could tell you the truth but for now it's safer for you to not know that the black cat was sitting right next to you

[sinizade]

Pam, The Necromancer Druid

Class: Druid (Necromancer subclass)

Normal Tav (evil ending)

Romance: Minthara

Besties: Midnight/ Scratch/ Owl bear

Pam used to live with her parents in the middle of nature, as druids they always taught her the way of Sylvanus and his ways so that nature always remained in balance, but since then the girl has demonstrated a spirit that is indifferent to life beyond animals, people have always been the source of her main contempt no matter what race they are. The girl always used to stay away from even her own parents, preferring to stay among animals and, no matter how hard her parents tried, they could never make her comfortable in her own home.

Her adolescence was lonely as she decided that the best way to please herself and her parents would be to leave home, she started to live in small huts that she used to set up in the middle of the forest and honestly, she lived well without being forced to live with all the stress that I experienced when I was forced to live with other people. Most of her time she spent in her wolf form, hunting, helping them, being part of a pack. Talking to some wolves she managed to be convinced that her place was with the people, as much as they loved her and she loved them, she should go back to her people and try to have a good life beyond the forest. Baldur's gate wasn't pretty, it wasn't pleasant, the smell of that place made her want to vomit and there were a lot of people who looked at her as if she were some kind of monstrosity, of course, she was dirty, half-naked and aggressive, but it wasn't a reason to treat her. her as a monstrosity, but the real monstrosities emerged when she saw a ship in the sky.

Pam is now forced to live with this bunch of chatty misfits, the only one who doesn't lose her patience in that environment is Lae'zel who only says what is necessary so that everyone there can at least get out of this situation alive and without becoming Illith, but that sanctuary, those refugees... That made her furious, how dare those hellish creatures? How dare a druid tarnish the sanctuary like that? She needed to get them out of there, she needed to end Khaga's existence and at first allying with that drow seemed like a good option... She was charming Pam needed to admit that, but she would never forgive herself if she killed those hellish creatures for no reason at all. Your best option was to eliminate Khaga in the bud, killing her and the shadow druids who were on her side, as for Minthara? She wouldn't be a problem if all that goblin scum were dead so Pam just knocked her out so she wouldn't cause any more problems. Her conscience didn't weigh as much as she thought it would, she actually felt relieved and after that massacre in the Grove she received even more relief from Minthara who seemed to develop an interest in her.

Minthara was right, what would be the point of going so far and not taking something in compensation? What's the point of almost dying so many times in exchange for nothing? Pam understood that that choice would weigh later, but she couldn't- She shouldn't allow people to destroy anymore... Being the Absolute would give her the power to improve things in her vision, improve life, improve the forest, with her beloved Minthara by her side, Pam would now have the power to take it all and finally bring true balance to nature.

Some extra information about Pam

Pam's grandmother was a Nymph

Pam can use her blood to create any type of plant and managed to improve this by studying necromancy, starting to use the blood and bodies of other people.

Pam's first time was with Minthara

Pam has a pet crow named Midnight

I also made a small time lapse of this art and posted it on my Twitter in case anyone wants to see it!