#she’s always been hilarious but she keeps getting funnier

[reaperseal-archive]

good morning :~)

at my in-laws for morning coffee and my niece slept over here…

she looked at my pj fit and called me broke 😭

[squinch-depraved]

pls pls pls pls pls schlatt with single mum reader

so. i'm in love with this idea and if this does well enough i might turn it into a series but for now here's how you meet plsss let me know if you guys want more of this omg

he met you doing interviews for a video on the street

normally this was the worst part of the job, only redeemed by the fact that he got to see women like you walk by every now and then

he didn't plan on stopping you, you had a kid with you so of course he understood that you didn't want to be bothered, let alone filmed

but you literally waltzed up to the microphone and just started bantering with him??

schlatt was so caught off guard he could barely keep up with your witty remarks as you debated the best toppings for a hot dog

no matter what he said, you retorted something better

until you turned to your daughter and asked her what she thought

and he lowered the mic down to her only for her to whisper,

"chechup."

schlatt broke out into a grin and turned to the camera, repeating the word and wrapping up the shot

he was so glad you stuck around until he could talk to you again, hoping you found him at least half as attractive as he found you

but you just wanted to know where you could find the footage once it was done

"lemme do you one better, i'll send you the unedited stuff of you, too! can i get your email?"

you rolled your eyes, smiling slightly and taking his phone from him to type your contact information

his eyes light up when he scans the screen once you hand it back; you left him your number as well!

"just blur daphne's face and shoot me a text before the video goes up. nice to meet you...?"

"uh. schlatt! it's schlatt," he replied, sliding his phone into his pocket and reaching to return your handshake

"y/n. thanks for letting us talk to you, daphy wanted to be on camera really bad. she wants to be a movie star one day, right daph?"

"yeah..." the girl whispered again, a bit louder than before

"but also a singer and a dancer." she spoke at a normal volume this time

"wow, that's ambitious. what kind of movies are you gonna make?"

you opened your mouth to answer swiftly and then leave, but daphne started babbling

"mama always tells me i should make funny movies because i'm funnier than i could ever know, but i really wanna make scary movies, because, guess what? i can scream really loud, listen-"

you clamped a hand over her mouth just in time, and schlatt laughed

"i am- i'm so sorry, she literally never talks to people, we're working on it, daphne you cannot just scream like that!!"

he was still laughing

why was he not disturbed?

"sorry, no, you guys are fine! she's hilarious, man, your mom's right."

you relaxed a bit, not used to this kind of reaction, and eased into a conversation with him

he ended up taking you two to get hot dogs and tried daphne's order

even pretended to like it for her

once it was time for you two to get going, he got you into a cab and waved bye to you both through the window

walked back to his friends unable to stop thinking about you

little did he know you were thinking about him for the rest of the day and all night

you would never trust someone like him around daphy, but he actually got her to talk??

you can barely get her to talk sometimes

and he was really cute...

he didn't seem overly interested in her, it looked more like he was there for you but didn't mind that you and your daughter came as a package deal

so maybe you should text him. at the very least, sleep on it

it had been a while since you had let yourself try to be happy in this way, and you already knew he got along great with daphne

you fell asleep thinking about what you would wear next time you saw him

[kitkats-and-kittens]

So I know Damian having magic is something that’s more a fun little tease, that is occasionally a minor plot point. Like him using a rituals and stuff to trap villains.

But genuinely I think it would be hilarious if Damian ‘born and raised in a supernatural cult’ Al Ghul just pulled up in Gotham knowing magic.

His arrival was already chaotic as hell, now imagine him using obscure ass spells that have probably fallen out of existence since Ra’s or hell Mother Soul was around.

Even funnier still if it took the Batfam like an embarrassingly long time to figure it out. Like yes they are the greatest detectives on the planet, but they’re also oblivious as hell and Damian getting into various shenanigans trying to keep the magic thing hidden is absolutely hilarious to me.

Dick and Alfred would figure it out first, because they’re living one on one with the kid for about a year.

It was probably some big dramatic moment, where Dick was like dying and Damian who had spent a year with him at this point decided he’d sooner risk being kicked out rather than let his big brother die.

So he brings him back and it takes Dick a moment since he’s still processing the near death experience, but eventually he gets to sit down with Damian and talk about why he didn’t say something sooner. Which leads to a very hurt/comfort moment where he assures Damian he’ll always belong and other sentimental shit.

Stephanie’s next, mostly because she spends the most times with Damian outside of Dick and also cause I love their relationship.

They’re probably arguing over something incredibly stupid and petty that Damian is taking way too seriously and Steph is pushing just for the funnsies and in a moment of vindictive pettiness (and the memory of Mara doing something very similar to him when they were in the league) he just shoots a spell at her.

It isn’t anything harmful. Probably something that gives her a really bad hair day for the next week, but Stephanie is very much stunned. Damian too, because he didn’t really expect this to be the way he revealed the whole magic thing.

But it turns out Steph is just extremely excited. Henceforth Damian is recruited when she needs to get up to some shit or prank the rest of her siblings without their knowledge.

The team was scary before, but with Steph now having unsupervised access to magic and firmly reassuring Damian that when it comes to Bruce all bets are off, things get infinitely worse.

Tim comes after and honestly he’s a little annoyed it took him this long.

He’s suspected for ages, but between cases and hanging out with the his team he’s never been able to lay down the foundations of his research.

However after witnessing Damian perform a move not humanly possible while out on patrol his interest is once again peaked which leads him down a 3 day rabbit hole about the league and magic and a bunch of other bullshit that probably ends with him on the most wanted list in 31 states.

His investigation is brought to a head however when one day completely stumped for answers he just approaches Damian. Exhausted and burned out and is like “do you have magic”.

And Damian who hasn’t been actively hiding his abilities in about a year now is like. “Yes”.

At which point Tim nods, gives him a thumbs up, and proceeds to pass out.

Of course it takes Bruce the longest, because that man is constantly running on 3 hours sleep and several cups of red bull. Damian is now doing nothing to hide his abilities and with his fathers lack of a reaction it seems like everyone’s on board, however unbeknownst to him the rest of the batfam is trying to very gently nudge their father along to the realisation that his son can indeed use magic.

Dick goes on about how strange it is that Damian can just appear from the shadows and why do you suppose that is?

And Bruce nods proudly and is just like “he’s a very talented boy isn’t he”.

Steph pranks him, using very obviously supernatural means and when questioned just says Damian helped her, which Bruce takes as them both acquiring supernatural artefacts via dubious methods.

This leads to him and Damian having a sit down, during which both of them are experiencing two very different conversations as consequence of Bruce’s attempt to gentle parent his way through this. He tries to explain to his son that some things can be very dangerous if not handled with proper care and he doesn’t want him to get hurt and whoever was giving him such dangerous things should be made known and Damian is wondering why his father thinks he’s doing drugs.

Tim pulls out a whiteboard and a pen and gives him a 3 hours rant on why his son could possibly have magic and Bruce, equally as exhausted as his son, but still trying to listen and support his hobbies (however strange they are) just nods, like that’s nice honey.

It all comes to a head one random day when Damian just floats a coffee mug across the table. And Bruce kinda stares between it and his son blinking and his eyes very suddenly widen with realisation.

He later calls Talia asking why she didn’t tell him and also requesting some manuals on how to deal with a child and their weirdly ominous/sentient magical powers.

By the time Duke rolls around it’s common knowledge and he’s pretty happy to bond with Damian over weird superpower stuff. It’s also nice to train against someone who you can’t instantly obliterate via weird light manipulating techniques so that is very much appreciated.

And for anyone wondering Cass and Jason have both lived in the league and were well aware of the Al Ghuls magical practicing tendencies. Jason tutored under Talia for a little while in fact and they’ve both been placing bets on how long it would take the rest of their family to find out.

[justevelynnnn]

Logan with a cat quirk 🐱

Summary: Logan becomes a “cat” for a few days

Warnings: Tiny bit of cussing, Cat!Logan likes to scratch and hiss

A/N: Hit this idea randomly one day so here we are! Cat!Logan forever 🤍

- It was after a mission when you noticed something off with Logan. You had stayed behind this time because you weren’t really needed.

- Jean came up to you and said he sniffed some weird plant that she’s gonna study but basically he’s been acting like a cat since he did.

- His hair tuffs were a bit bigger…like cat ears

- And his eyes…yeah, okay, he’s definitely like part cat now. Or something is up.

- Logan didn’t talk just looked at you and sniffed. It was very weird. Veryyyy weird.

- Some stuff was cute like how he would cuddle with you more but then he’d lick you. Like a lot. And, apparently, it’s cause he was trying to clean you.

- Either that or he was saying i love in you in cat or some shit.

- He purred when you’d pet him too. And he’d nuzzle up against your hand.

- He also walked on all fours more often. It was weird.

- Scott thought it was hilarious until Logan started hissing at him and even scratched him once when Scott tried to pet him.

- “Geez…Hey, how long you think he’s gonna be like this..?” Scott said to Jean rubbing his hand.

- “Not too long. I analyzed the flower. Long story short, It’s pollen turns anyone who sniffs it into a “cat”. Obviously not literally or even physically too much but definitely mentally.” She points to the enclosed flower. “The smell from the petals is meant to draw people in on purpose. Logan has animalistic qualities so it just worked on him better… From what i’ve seen he should be back between tomorrow or next week.”

- A week? Everyone looked at Logan as he ignored everyone and licked his hand like a cat.

- Professor Xavier was seemingly very calm about all this. He put you and Jean in charge of watching Logan. Everyone else was to leave him be, including Scott.

- The students thought it was very interesting but Logan didn’t like all the new attention and would always run off when a crowd started to form. Sometimes he’d hiss too. Then it wasn’t cool anymore.

- “It’s okay guys. He’s just…overwhelmed..” You reassured. A lot of students liked Logan. And also cats. You told them maybe if he remembered this they could just ask him when he turned back what it was like.

- Cat Logan only ate fish and some other meats now too. Very picky as well. You tried to give him some bacon and he smacked it off the table. He did the same to most vegetables.

- “This just keeps getting funnier!” Scott bursted out laughing as he watch you sigh at another broken plate of food on the ground.

- “Stop it, Scott. Didn’t Charles tell you to leave him alone? Logan’s gonna get you if he remembers this.”

- “You got him a giant litter box too?” He smirked.

- Yes.

- “No. Now? get the hell out of here already!” You shooed him and finally gave Logan a can of tuna which he ate quickly.

- He finally changed back in the middle of the night a couple days later. He was a “cat” for 5 days.

- He was curled in a ball at the edge of you guys bed and fell on the ground when he woke up.

- “Logan?” You looked over the end of the bed. You made those kissy noises people do to get pets attention. “Hey? Logan?”

- “Where am i…and why are you making those noises..?”

- “You’re talking…”

- “Of course, bub. Why wouldn’t i be? Seriously, how’d i get here so quickly?”

- “Jean said you sniffed something during the mission and you’ve been acting like a cat until now.” You said getting off the bed and walking over to him. He stayed seated and stared into space for a second.

- “The fuck?” Logan stood up and finally noticed he was nude. “Why am I naked?”

- “I could only keep cat you in clothes for so long… You torn up a lot of shirts and pants up over there…and also furniture. And scott.”

- Another pause.

- “….get me a fucking cigar. And booze. I want to forget this shit immediately.” Logan sat back down on the bed and put his head in his hands. How could he be so stupid? Sniffing a strange flower?

- You got him what he wanted and sat next to him.

- “I dunno, it was kinda fun…and your “meow’s” were funny sounding.” You said after a moment of silence.

- He just looked at you and shook his head.

- “This didn’t happen.”

- You nodded noteing not to mention the shenanigans you got into with him and pranks that were pulled or pictures you and the others took while he was in his cat like mind.

- Yup, didn’t happen.

Bonus! Headcanons for Cat!Logan

- He scratched anything he could at first. The curtains, the couch, even the carpet. He used his fingernails and also his claws.

- You and Rogue made him a giant scratching post so he could stop. He only used it a day.

- He really only let you pet him for a long time. Others could for a couple of minutes but then he’d try to bite them.

- He liked “cleaning” himself a lot. He had a lot of hair on his chest and arms and legs especially so he licked a lot there.

- Hairballs happened unfortunately and it was…yeah.

- The first time he did it Scott almost threw up. Storm just cringed. The hair ball wasn’t that big but just… there.

- Also, with the only eating fish thing he drank his water like a cat too.

- More licking.

- You got plenty of pictures like that.

- As for the pranks, one time Scott got the idea to use his red beam as a laser pointer and aimed it at different things to get Logan to try and catch it. One time, it was a bunch of bushes. So Logan obviously got hurt trying to get that laser because the bushes were prickly.

- He also aimed it in the pool and like most cats he hated water but still jumped in because what is that freaking red thing???

- He was very upset getting out that water.

- Scott also put pickles and cucumbers everywhere so Logan kept getting scared turning corners and stuff.

- He’d jump really really high it was so silly

- Definitely gave wanna be black cat mysterious but actually a orange cat energy

- Cat Logan also liked to stare. So…that was happening.

- Rogue got the most pictures surprisingly

- She showed almost the whole school by the time he turned back. He was not happy. He wasn’t mad for long tho because it’s Rogue ❤️❤️

[soulfulazrael]

The new Amazing Digital Circus episode is probably the most painful so far

Despite other episodes having their own fair share of sad moments and those that felt rather painful like one with Gumigoo being popped or with Kinger. I think this one hit me the closest because of how it was written. And I think the best example of it was this moment

I feel like a lot of people probably can tell this feeling. And I must say this was handled very tastefully. It definitely felt respectful and it reminded me of times I had This happen to me. It's a place I've been, I don't want to return to and I know I will return to.

It's been lots of places like that. Like when I failed college. I kept failing my driving exam. I lost a job. My grandma lost more and more of her mind before she died. Seeing family members die. Always going somewhere away and letting those bursts in those small moments (sometimes I screamed so loud and hard I went blind for a moment) all the while you harbor that feeling of being worthless. Like you are dragging everyone down. Like your mere presence is like poison to others. Those are feelings I know. And it makes me feel really terrible for Gangle.

And that moment with the truck... it was also familiar.

That sudden moment of joy and happiness over something. Small feeling of freedom. Of fulfillment... and then you want to throw yourself under a car. That is also familiar. Because those small bursts of joy or happiness do not solve a problem. They are something you also let out and then you go back to feeling terrible. You cannot be free from this. Not really. Not like this.

I am still going through such issues. I want to go to psychologist. Maybe get some help for what is going on with me. But I feel a lot of pain from watching this episode because I felt every moment of it somewhere in the back of my mind.

But... those moments and that feeling. It doesn't last forever. It never does. I did get a job... before losing it again, but I keep trying. I and many other of my family are still here and I love them. I finally passed my driving exam. I went far in my new school. I do accomplish things. I do something good and worthwhile... At least I hope so. I still fail and I will keep failing, but I will keep doing something well... I hope.

Life is never steady like this. It never gives you such consistency. There is no blessing of that. Both good and bad times eventually end and change. Life always changes and best you can do is go with it's flow. The most important part is, is to not get stuck in a moment of when the life gets low because it will go back up. It's a path that will never stay one way forever. And that's okay. What's important is how you handle what life gives you.

Okay. This went a bit sad. But I have some funny trivia to share too!

In Polish dub. Gangle makes a reference to a very good Polish movie named "Dzień Świra" or "Day of the Mad Man" in English. A movie about unfulfilled poet who is very bitter and hates his life and everyone around him. It's a very fitting reference. It's a hilarious movie that spawned a lot of memes in Poland.

Translation -> This is my own Day of the Mad Man

Translation -> And I am about to roll out a sequel for you!!

Pretty hilarious reference

The movie is really good BTW. But in Polish

Also in Polish dub at the end Caine was about to say "Jestem Zajebisty" where "Zajebisty" is a curse word meaning "Fucking awesome" and he starts glitching in that moment. That was funnier than OG I must say. This is really one of those GREAT Polish Dubs. Also Gangle's VA in Polish Dub absolutely killed that scene I mentioned first in this post.

Hope this was an interesting read. A bit of personal one for me. This episode hurt, but it also gave me some level of comfort and I appreciate it a lot. It's definitely my favorite episode so far and I hope Gangle will get better. As I hope I will too. Also Jax suffering brings me life.

[no-psi-nan]

Based on that previous anon ask, I started wondering what could possibly motivate Saiki to be the one actually wooing Toritsuka, given his general passivity and the Inherent Cringe of liking Toritsuka.

And I think it would almost have to be a life-threatening situation for Saiki to do it hsfjdlshfks. His disastrous ace ass would really rather suppress eternal pining for Toritsuka to making a move on him than actually admit to having feelings lol. Maybe after like 5-10 years of Toritsuka being clueless would Saiki start making moves!

Here's the premise for a situation I thought up though, that would be fun:

Okay so in manga chapter 109, the occult club trip episode, Toritsuka shows off his bedroom, which has been outfitted with the latest in trendy goods.

Where'd he get the money for it? The monks were definitely not financing this, and the only time we see Toritsuka make money is afterwards, in chapter 130, when he charges tourists money to ring the new year's bell.

Toritsuka is obviously not working any sort of job, and it's unlikely that he's straight-up stealing money, so my explanation is that his dad has $$$$$ and occasionally feels a little guilty about sending his son to superhell a random temple, and can be convinced to fork over cash sometimes.

So anyways here's the actual situation: Toritsuka's dad is actually hella rich but Toritsuka has no clue that when his dad kicks the bucket that he's in for a mega inheritance.

However, there's a woman who's figured that out, and she's thinking that if she can trick Toritsuka into marrying her, she can get his dad killed off and then take everything in the divorce by making it seem like he was cheating on her or abusing her or something.

Saiki finds this out when Toritsuka excitedly presents his new girlfriend to him. Saiki would normally just tell him that she was evil, but he catches onto Toritsuka's excited and happy thoughts about finally feeling wanted instead of always being considered trash, and his hope that he'll finally get over his impossible crush on Saiki.

Now Saiki is stuck, because he knows Toritsuka will be completely crushed if he reveals to him that he's still garbage and that girl only wants him for financial reasons. Even if Saiki can trick the girl into admitting the truth, or if he can terrorize the girl into abandoning her scheme and dumping Toritsuka, the end result will still be Toritsuka feeling like shit.

The only way to save Toritsuka's newfound self-esteem would be to convince him to dump her on his own, at which point Saiki can get rid of her more permanently.

And at first, Saiki tries to make her look bad in front of Toritsuka, but this accomplishes nothing because Toritsuka is really determined to hang onto the only girl who's ever accepted him and he's also trying really hard to get over Saiki.

Saiki knows if he just bluntly tells Toritsuka that he likes him, Toritsuka won't believe it, and will (correctly) think that there's some ulterior motive involved. Toritsuka's not THAT stupid.

So there's basically no option left, except wooing Toritsuka so he dumps the girl in favor of Saiki. Saiki has to make it obvious that he really likes Toritsuka and would be open to dating him, but make it subtle enough that Toritsuka doesn't get suspicious.

And you could do this by having Saiki as himself or having Saiki go one step further and approaching Toritsuka as Kuriko, with a different enough look that Toritsuka won't recognize Saiki (and then have a moment where Toritsuka ends up recognizing her anyways because she keeps reminding him of Saiki).

"How would Saiki attempt to woo someone" is already a hilarious question to ponder, but adding in an oblivious Toritsuka makes that even funnier.

Adding this idea to the free real estate pile in case anyone wants to write this lmao.

[vivalioo]

heyy! hope you're having a good day so far! i was wondering if i could have some headcannons of the stardust crusaders reacting to the fem! reader who's stand powers are mostly based on dreams that she had in the past? forgive me if this all is confusing (i've never really thought deep into a made-up stand power before 😅), but basically, whatever happens in a particular dream (ex: a person slips and falls on the floor), as long as the reader can remember certain details or events, when her stand touches a person (doesn't even have to be a punch, the stand could literally poke them for a brief second if it wanted), that person will be affected (as stated in my example: a person slips and falls in the reader's dream? the affected person will also slip and fall). however, the funny catch is that the reader tends to have strange dreams (some range from "ok, well that was weird" to "WHAT IN THE HELL WAS THAT?! DID I ACTUALLY DREAM THAT?!"), so the weirder/intense/funnier the dream, the more powerful the attack is. sometimes there will be moments where a stand user is defeated in the most hilarious way, which always leaves the reader laughing her ass off at the end of the battle LMAO. apologies again if this all sounds confusing! feel free to change some things up if you want to :) ty! <33

@klvbxlove

This is my first time writing headcanons for characters so I thoroughly enjoyed this, especially because this idea was so fun, thank you for requesting! I hope it's to your liking ^^ I also hope you don't mind me tagging you just to make sure you see this! I know sometimes questions I ask don't give me notifs when people answer lol

No warnings needed I don't think except uhh the reader's gender isn't mentioned because of 2nd person pov, and this is mostly platonic but Polnareff's section has a flirty comment because c'mon it's Polnareff. OH and no Iggy :(

Jotaro Kujo

-Jotaro is still relatively new to the whole situation regarding stands, and although he had thought he'd seen it all by now boy he couldn't be more wrong!

-I think he'd definitely be skeptical of the nature of your ability at first. You're practically able to change fate itself with a simple touch of your stand, it isn't until he sees it in action does he really start to accept how weird but strong the power can be

-Even if he won't admit it he's definitely curious if you've had any dreams involving him lol. Once he starts to believe your ability he'll grumble out something along the lines of "Keep that damn thing away from me" in fear of getting into an embarrassing accident as a result of the dreams

-If your stand happens to swoop in and save the day with some freak occurrence that rivals the likes of Joseph's most ridiculous plans, he's left in disbelief and tries to hide it by pulling his hat down and saying his most famous catch phrase. Expect to hear "Good grief." Every time your stand helps to incapacitate an enemy.

Noriaki Kakyoin

-Kakyoin is very polite when approaching the topic of your stand ability

-He's fascinated with the idea of you being able to control someone's fate in such a way, and is one of the ones who sees the most potential in this stand

-He'll try to protect and lead you in battle more often than not, because he also recognizes that this ability is not really suited for combat. Which is very sweet!

-He doesn't pressure you but definitely makes it known that he'd appreciate any heads up for any dreams that involve him. He doesn't really want to make a fool of himself anytime soon

Jean Pierre Polnareff

-Polnareff is like the second most fascinated with the nature of your stand, he's definitely curious if any of your dreams happen to mention him too. -He'd somehow find a way to make a witty one-liner out of the situation, it's just in his nature. "Ah, so you've been dreaming about me have you?"

-If you decide to tell him of any embarrassing fate that might befall him that day he'll kinda blush a bit and subconsciously shy away from you and your stand's touch while saying "O-oh? Is that so?"

-Please forgive him he's had enough embarrassment on this trip. Mans is traumatized lmfao

Muhammad Avdol

-Avdol, being a fortune teller himself, is probably the one most fascinated with your stand ability! He'll enthusiastically encourage you to tell him of your dreams every morning, so much so that it becomes routine

-He'll always thoughtfully and politely nod along, strategizing about how your premonitions can be used in battle against enemy stand users

-He gets embarrassed if any of your dreams involve him, especially if it's something silly. He feels like he has to apologize for you seeing such an uncharacteristic display

-He will definitely give a hearty chuckle about anything else you tell him about the crusaders though. You've seen how mischievous he can be at times, if it's something non life threatening he'll even subtly encourage you to touch them with your stand. It's like a little inside joke you both get to be on!

Joseph Joestar

-If there's even a mention of himself in your dreams you bet your ass he wants to know every detail! If it's something funny/ridiculous he'll sort of scoff and hide his embarrassment, claiming that such a thing would never happen to him!

-Until it does.

-He'll never get used to seeing this ability in action against enemy stand users, like Jotaro he might even be skeptical and teasing/condescending about it at first (because that's just how he is), and has never been humbled so fast than when you cause some sort of terrifyingly hilarious fate to befall someone

-After that he's like a persistent child, constantly inquiring about your dreams and abusing your stand's power to the fullest, especially to help him out of a tough spot

-He'll get a bit ahead of himself, so you'll have to remind him sometimes that your ability works in a specific way, and no you can't make something happen to an enemy naturally because they're kicking yall's ass in battle lol

[practically-an-x-man]

For your ask, I'm gonna paraphrase coz in on my phone, and I'll go straight to the "Oh, hell!" Character here. :D

What does Deadpool think of your marvel (and maybe DC for the lols if you want) ocs, and what do they think of him?

Oooooh fun!! Thank you!!

Fandom OC Ask Meme

Rae: There would be this whole running bit about Rae jumping into a fight, Wade thinking she's going to get herself killed and trying to save her (not in a sexist way, just because she's super reckless when it comes to fights and doesn't seem to think things through - and while Wade does the same, Rae doesn't have the same kind of healing factor), only to show up and get his own ass beat while Rae's shields actually keep her in reasonably good shape. It would be like a "false mentor" sort of dynamic, really played up, where Wade keeps calling himself "Mr. Miyagi" or referring to her as his "Padawan" and stuff like that while Rae's just like "Dude. I'm an X-Man. I've done this before. I don't need your help.".

And bonus: while I'd want there to be a Warren cameo (since there's always a "guy with the pigeon wings" reference in the movies lmao), I think it would be funnier if he just never shows up. Like, if the movie keeps intentionally finding excuses for him not to be there. He's caught in traffic ("he has wings, can't he just fly?"). He's babysitting Rae's nephew. He's in line at the DMV. Right at the end, Rae and Wade are in a hotel room or something, watching Golden Girls reruns after all the wild antics the movie's put them through, and we hear the shower running with the assumption that it's Warren... and instead it's Wolverine or Colossus or Dopinder or some other random character.

On the one hand it would piss me off to have such an opportunity for my favorite character to have more screentime and just never show him, but objectively I think it would be fucking hilarious because he's been referenced so many times in the other movies but has never shown up.

Robin: This would be an interesting one. Lots of references to Black Tom Cassidy (her cousin, was the butt of a lot of jokes in DP2) and that would probably annoy her after a while. But on a nicer note, it's already canon that he knows ASL and would flip up his mask so she can read his lips (he does the same for Hawkeye in the comics), so... accessibility! Yay!

Madison: Lots of mermaid jokes that Madison finds absolutely infuriating. She throws more than one knife at him. They wouldn't get along - not like they're enemies, just... mutual annoyances for the sake of comedy. Every scene they share involves some form of reluctant team-up, lots of taunting, etc.. Post-credits scene shows Madison knocking on Wade's door seemingly out of the blue, only to reveal that she's actually there for a girl's night with Vanessa - their friendship being the only reason she kept teaming up with Wade.

Ophelia: Copious amounts of fourth-wall-breaking Spiderverse references for her being a female Doc Ock, but aside from that she's pretty good at going toe-to-toe with him with that witty banter and I think that knocks him off-guard a little. She can't quite break the fourth wall, but all that jumping through the multiverse has allowed her to gently tap it (*turns to camera* The Proposal...) at times. There are still some things that go over her head, but they've got a bit of a rapport going

Gia: Even if they somehow managed to cross paths, she'd be almost a nothing character to him. Not in a mean way, he's not intentionally disregarding her or anything, but with her being so meek and anxious and barely willing to leave her shop, they probably wouldn't share many scenes. All I'm imagining is like... the rest of his team in the throes of some grand bloody battle, and here's Wade popping into this random flower shop and casually asking to buy a bouquet for Vanessa. He's being a chatterbox while Gia prepares the bouquet, throws her a lot of opportunities for jokes she doesn't understand, mumbles something "tough crowd" adjacent, pays, and leaves. She'd basically be the "straight man" cameo in an otherwise-chaotic scene.

[ssruis]

Sorry to put Shiraishi in your inbox again (old news) but that 1koma is actually so interesting to me because we mostly don't See her be a wet pathetic cat aside from it. There's actually not too much (not enough imo) attention paid to her role in the committee but she also chased Mizuki down the hallway... She doesn't seem to be reserved about it exactly... And also whenever someone gets in trouble it's always Ruikasa or Mizuki so it's very hard to grasp a solid characterisation on how she actually behaves at her job. It's very inconsistent & we mostly just don't Know. Makes me sad

I don't actually see why she'd be nervous especially seeing as it's contradicted by the very first card story she has to Do A Thing before Ruikasa pattern got established, so "yeah she got over it" also seems off. And her overall personality + I think if she had trouble correction people it would be noticed more? For all intends and purposes I consider that 1koma to be retconned (as funny as it is)

That said she's so hilariously overconfident sometimes-

"It's okay as long as I'm on the job" no I'm pretty sure it's not. I think you made that one up babygirl. Keep at it though

(my personal theory is that the 1koma was made before An's character was established so there may have been some miscommunication between the artist and the commissioner, likely in something on how An is stated to be "unsuited to be a hall monitor" in that she gives an impression of someone who'd rather be breaking the rules over enforcing them, but the artist may have interpreted the "unsuited" as "lacking the confidence or social skill for the job". But that's completely out of the left field idk what actually went on...)

I see… yeah I always was like “why’s she trembling over this she’s never really like that” but my interpretation skewed towards her feeling bad about having to scold people she didn’t know well who weren’t breaking big rules (in that it’s kind of a kill joy thing to do & she didn’t want have that reputation with people she’d never spoken to). It being retconned is funnier though. Maybe an just had too much coffee that morning and the caffeine anxiety kicked it.

Also I think she should be allowed to break as many rules as she wants and I think it’s hysterical that she took the “it’s ok if I break the rules to enforce them” approach. Godspeed first year anchan…

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Series 7 is done! My final thoughts as always under the keep reading.

Now, I'm going to level with you here. Series 7 has never been a favourite of mine, in fact, I used to dislike it a lot, so I put rewatching it for this blog off for quite some time. I actually can't recall how many times I've watched each series of Taskmaster at this point, but series 7 always kind of annoyed me, therefore I didn't particularly look forward to watching it. Now, let me tell you how surprised I was that I found it a lot of fun on this rewatch. I mean, it's still not in my top five, but I had a lot more fun with it than I expected to have and I'm not entirely sure why. For me, Rhod Gilbert and Kerry Godliman carried the show, and they were the contestants I enjoyed most when watching series 7.

I think Kerry is probably the perfect Taskmaster contestant. She's incredibly competitive and wants to win at all cost, but she also accepts Greg's ruling (with a little push back sometimes), doesn't throw a fucking tantrum whenever she feels treated unfairly, and doesn't overstep the line into annoying the shit out of me. And I have to agree with Greg here, her approach was rather simple most of the time (get the task, do the task, bosh) but I think that has a lot of charm, especially when contrasted with some of the overthinkers. Series 7 is one of those series where I don't care at all about Greg's scoring thus I don't mind Kerry winning the series by one point or what it was.

Now, Rhod. I honestly think he took the gig mainly to embarrass / annoy Greg, though his mission then seemed to change to either getting Alex to strip at every opportunity or to tying him up. There is something to be said about these two things and I don't know if it was a conscious decision of Rhod’s, but I’m absolutely here for it and refuse to analyse it closer.

Jessica Knappett is a bit of a wild card for me ‘cos there are moments when she's utterly hilarious and she made me laugh out loud a couple of times, but that was usually accidental on her part, though there are also a fair few moments when I despaired watching her. Overall, I did enjoy her.

I think similarly about Phil Wang, though I do have to say, what the fuck had he been thinking when picking his outfit?! I won’t complain about Phil repeating his haggling joke, just as I won't complain about Rhod basically recycling his prize task entry over and over again. I thought it was funny.

Now, on to my probably most controversial take yet; I don't like James Acaster. Before I get stoned to death, I'd like to say that I don't know a lot of the guy. I've seen him like once on The Big Fat Quiz Of The Year, but I haven't watched his stand-up or listened to his podcast(s), etc, though to be fair I don't do that in general for any competitor. I just found him too… bratty (if that's the word) or too confrontational. Yes, him butting heads with Rhod is entertaining, but I think he lacked what I really appreciate about older comedians; The understanding of when to move on / let others have the joke. I know there are several ways of watching Taskmaster and everyone finds other contestants funnier or other bits of the show more important and that's all totally valid. I'm just some bloke on the internet, don’t let me tell you how you should watch / enjoy something, but personally, I find contestants who constantly seek Greg's approval and praise a bit irritating. I'm certain James is a lovely guy, but his comedy persona unfortunately doesn't work for me.

However, James’ persona allowed for really entertaining clashes with Rhod, which made the boys team a bit more fun to watch than the girls team, simply because they had conflict. But it was also nice to have a team be wholesome and just get shit done.

The prerecorded tasks in series 7 were amazing, but I do think they could've done better on the studio tasks. Some could've done with a little polish. But there were so many tasks, which I think I really would've enjoyed having a go at, chief amongst them the video game task and those where they had to figure something out guided by clues.

I don’t have to say much about Greg and Alex, only that after series 6, their interactions seemed to have cooled down in this series, but fortunately Rhod delivered. Watching Rhod watch Greg and Alex interact is fucking hilarious. That man looks like he knows something we don’t (I have no evidence to support any such claim). So, yeah, overall I enjoyed series 7 more than I expected I would, but it will never be a favourite of mine. Can’t wait to get to series 8 as I barely remember anything at all about this one. Thanks for sticking around! See you in series 8!

[o-uncle-newt]

Cabin Pressure Advent Day 22: Vaduz

In which everyone pronounces Liechtenstein differently. Including, sometimes, the same actors from sentence to sentence...

So I love Vaduz because of course I do- I've said before that I love the show's turn toward the heartwarming side, and Vaduz is a symbol that we are somewhere that we could never have been in the S1 headspace. There are two HIGHLY specific ways that that happens, one of which I greatly prefer to the other (though overall I enjoy both).

The Carolyn and Herc plotline is, obviously, catnip for me. You've seen my long screeds about vulnerability as a running theme in Cabin Pressure (as recently as yesterday!) and Carolyn has always had an issue with people seeing her for who she is rather than for the image she portrays. It's easier to be feared due to leverage and a loud bark than loved because of something intangible that you can't actually control... and that's even before one hits the hurdle of discussing one's own feelings! Because there's also the element of considering a partner's needs- Carolyn's very much been in the habit of steamrollering over people, and now she's in a relationship (loath as she is to admit it) with another person who needs something from her, whether reassurance or an outright commitment, and she needs to decide whether it is worth giving those things to him and, in the process, acknowledging what that means to her.

And the way it's done is great- and credits to the two EXCELLENT actors playing the scenes, who really manage to give that final bit a real sense of drama that has the scene end on a silent, emotive and suspenseful note that I shiver at every time. It's a sitcom, but it's also a little snippet of human drama. And arguments from people who love to argue and are sharp-witted are always so fun to listen to! The bit where Carolyn reuses Herc's "overreacting" joke, Herc calls it out, and she says "it's funnier because the stakes are higher" is both entertainingly meta and very true to the two of them as people- and the fact that it ends in medias res, and we know that this won't get resolved for a while, just makes the whole thing feel even more resonant.

Now for everyone else- so obviously this is a hilarious plot line (and very, VERY well plotted) and I DO like Teresa. I do. I love the reversal of the "slaying the dragon" thing and think the plotting here was great. For me, though, the major flaws were Maxi and Martin's plotline with him. Maxi's scenes with Arthur are fantastic, but I feel like he's a bit over the line from "cartoon villain" to "cartoon fantasy villain" in a way that kind of brings the episode a bit over the line into actual absurdity, especially given how relatively grounded Carolyn's plot line is. All of the royal stuff just feels very random, and while it matters less for Teresa, it's a bit more over the top for Maxi. And Martin's plot line with him... I don't know, it just felt a bit clunky in a way that I feel like late-season Cabin Pressure is usually better than. Sort of forced and with odd dialogue. I don't know, it's just a feeling I have, and it's not overwhelming enough to keep me from enjoying the episode.

But anyway, I am very glad that Martin got someone to go to Duxford Air Museum with him!

[presidenthades]

I am doing very minor revisions of Daemon’s Handbook (mostly formatting and continuity errors), and I wanted to do some behind-the-scenes commentary before too much time passes and I forget my original thoughts. Here’s Chapter 6!

(Note that these commentaries aren’t canon to the verse until/unless the author writes them into the series. I might change my mind on a few points later, but these are the thoughts I had while writing.)

This was the first chapter that really made me worry about tonal shift in this story. We get into some more serious topics than usual, but it was necessary to address them in a somewhat serious manner. But I wanted to make sure the fic stayed in the comedy category. So I ended up doing a sandwich method with funnier bits at the beginning and end, and keeping the serious drama concentrated in the middle. But I also tried to weave in Daemon’s sassy mental commentary etc. to prevent things from getting too heavy.

During the course of this fic, Daemon /thinks about cutting/threatens to cut off at least 5 of Aegon’s body parts. Three of those incidents happen in this chapter alone.

I spent A LOT of time thinking about the Hightowers’ reaction to the elopement, because I admittedly did not plan it well when I started the fic. In the show, Alicent hated the Jace/Helaena match because Jace is a bastard and Alicent would have to sacrifice her daughter as a potential hostage. In this verse, it’s the other way around with Jace as the daughter, and legitimate to boot, so Alicent doesn’t have much to object to. On the contrary, I think Alicent *likes* Jace in this verse because Jace is very well-behaved and is a good influence on Aegon. If Alicent disapproves of the elopement, it’s because elopements are scandalous and, more importantly, it makes Helaena look bad as Aegon’s original betrothed. Thankfully, Helaena is a huge Jacegon shipper and totally not offended.

Otto’s reaction was pretty straightforward once I thought about it. In the show, he suggested betrothing Rhaenyra and Aegon, which would have united their claims and prevented bloodshed (one hopes) while getting his blood on the throne eventually. The Jacegon match does the same thing one generation later. And in the worst case scenario, the Greens have Jace as a hostage since usually the wife moves in with her husband’s family (one of the reasons Daemon hates the match).

Someone in a discord server suggested that maybe Otto planted the idea of elopement in Aegon’s head (they were of the opinion that Otto would be the #1 Jacegon shipper in this verse), which would be *hilarious*, but I haven’t decided if that actually makes sense. But if I could somehow make it work, that would be fantastic lol (Can you imagine Otto yelling at Aegon “just seduce the girl, dammit” 😂😂😂)

Rhaenyra is the one who has reasons to protest the match because, as she says in the chapter, she thinks Aegon would be a bad husband. She’s also been dealing with Otto’s attempts to betroth Jacegon since Jace was born, so she is kind of tired and wary of it whenever it’s mentioned. She knows Jace likes Aegon, but she thinks it’s a “good girl crushing on a bad boy” thing that Jace will grow out of. (I’m imagining a crushing conversation where Rhaenyra explains to 6-year-old Jace why she can’t marry Aegon 😢)

And Viserys makes things worse, as always, by betrothing Aegon and Helaena, which makes zero people happy. Viserys was supportive of the Jacegon match when the Hightowers proposed it, but Rhaenyra objected so he didn’t press the issue. (It’s not like he’s the king or anything, right?)

Btw I forgot that Viserys loses his hand sometime before Ep 6, so in this verse, we’re going to pretend he decays less slowly and still has both hands because he’s less stressed or something.

The image of burrito!Rhaenyra strapped to Dreamfyre makes me giggle. She’s determined to be in King’s Landing for whatever conversation happens about Jace, but she’s postpartum so she can’t sit on Syrax as usual, then Helaena offers to take her on Dreamfyre if the Dragonkeepers can make what is essentially an adult car seat. Rhaenyra is pretty helpless in this position, literally strapped in behind Helaena, so I imagine there had to be a good deal of trust between the half-sisters here. It helps that Helaena is close to Rhaenyra’s daughters in this verse so Rhaenyra knows her better.

Daemon and Rhaenyra’s vocal objections to Aegon’s character really make an impact on Aegon. I was strongly influenced by a Tom Glynn-Carney interview where he described Aegon as “desperate to be loved but destined to be hated.” In this verse, Aegon finds that Jace fills that need to be loved but he isn’t sure he deserves that love, so Daemon and Rhaenyra’s arguments unwittingly strike very close to home. And that’s why he does the something stupid later in the chapter, so he can prove he’s worthy.

I was so excited to make my joke about Lannisters shitting gold that I forgot Lord Beesbury is still master of coin while Tyland is master of ships. So I retconned Beesbury into retirement and promoted Tyland. My bad.

Jace and Rhaenyra have a loud, healthy, mother-daughter argument this chapter, which Daemon conveniently sleeps through. While Jace is at Driftmark, she learns more about Rhaenyra’s youthful misadventures, and Jace still has *feelings* about the Daemyra elopement (which was only 9 months before this chapter), so this leads to Jace feeling some complicated resentment toward her mother. But they work it out.

This is the last chapter where Aegon and Aemond are afraid of Daemon. Starting in Chapter 7, after they come back from the Stepstones, they’re much less intimidated by him. Poor Daemon, he can’t even have the simple pleasure of terrifying his nephews. 😔

Another retcon: Helaena’s prophecy this chapter originally said “Gold and bronze.” I was trying to refer to Sunfyre and Vhagar but the show is too damn dark for me to see what color Vhagar is, so I honestly thought she was some kind of brown/bronze, and the fandom wiki wasn’t super clear either. Then I read a HOTD behind-the-scenes book that describes Vhagar as jade so I went with that. My bad (again).

I just want to say that one of my favorite sentences I have EVER written was in this chapter. “The queen…wore a smile so tight that it could probably garrote a man.” 🖤

Aegon’s spiel about a boy becoming a man when “he has seen his own blood flow and heard his teeth crunch under the blow of an opponent” is based on a quote by a 12th-century chronicler named Roger of Howden.

When Aemond shows up in the garden in the final scene, Viserys honestly forgets his name at first. Dad of the year, y’all 😭

Chapter 7 commentary here

[littleeliza-lotte]

Tonight might’ve been the best performance I’ve ever seen like oh my god (27-05-23)

Trio was Paige, Jon and Matt. Jon was just, there’s no words, his voice?? His acting?? His love and devotion for Christine??? I’ve never seen something so amazing like he really put everything into it and he made such good choices, when it was The Aiaoy reprise he not only put his hands on his ears but also cried out and was saying “no no no” and like growling, im bad at describing but trust me it was perfect. Then his kiss with Paige was just ugh, made me team phantom for a second ngl. He was sobbing over the wedding veil and I was abt to lose it.

And Paige, she was perfection. I’ve never seen so much emotion like she was straight up crying in Wishing and she seemed like such a timid Christine like she was very nervous throughout but not in a bad way. Her voice was stunning, I just couldn’t believe it and she was the sweetest at stagedoor as well.

Matt slayed as always, when doesn’t he? Ofc I’ve seen him a lot but he is always the best and so funny too. Nothing really new but I’ve seen him a few times but Jon and Paige are new to me.

There was also some added stuff that wasn’t there two weeks ago! The managers were somehow even funnier, when Andre gets stuck on stage the second time to hand the dancer his hat, he goes off and says “why was I even on the stage!”, then his facial expressions were just sending me. I know all the jokes and everything that happens but adam and Matt keep it so fresh and are hilarious every time.

Literally I think tonight was the best performance I’ve ever seen, what an amazing cast.

[chidoroki]

182 Days of TPN - Day 160

Chapter 160: "Shackles"

I always give praise towards Isabella's facades and how brilliant of an actor Emma is, but never really include how talented James and all the other supporters were for keeping their actions and plans to help the farm children all so secretive and sly. Only reason for that is because we only see the dude in flashbacks so I don't think of him as often as I should, but he's seriously great. The kids would be doomed without him and his supporters.

If I can appreciate anything about Legravalima, it's how she outright refuses to help Peter. I wouldn't wanna listen to him in the first place. But hurray for the many death butterflies.

Yeah she eventually agrees because he appealed to her serious hunger and offered up the highest grade kids to her and only her upon capturing them which I guess was the best move on Peter's part, but damn, if I was ever gonna be fine with seeing her eat a human, it would've been with him.

Ain't no way some simple thinking like this was enough for Peter and the demon soldiers to successfully find the paradise hideout and kidnap all the children.

I know most of us pin Isabella as the main reason for the majority of Ray's pain (which is valid) but the Ratri clan are just as bad. Perhaps even worse on a great scale and effecting everyone at once. Isabella was just more on a personal level for him. On a lighter note, look at by boy carrying this oversized child all by himself. Such a good lad considering Norman couldn't manage that.

Well, Ray's good to a point, since he's carrying Zazie one moment then he disappears which leads me to imagine the poor boy dropping to the ground once Ray joins the GF hug.

Hugs are strange because explain to me why they all have their hoods up beforehand, put them down during said hug, than put them up again after. I know they're still sneaking around the demon town but what was the point of taking them off for a couple seconds? I can guess the hoods were just drawn down during the hug so we could tell who was who but the whole idea of them taking them off themselves funnier to me for some reason.

Missing children aside, I just wanna go in and explore the base myself. It looks like such a fun place to live (despite it being in shambles atm). You can definitely get a workout simply walking from the bottom floor all the way up.

Favorite panel/moment:

The fact this moment has such a big impact even though we're just as lost as Ray & Emma about what happened is crazy. I know the general consensus is that Norman apologized to Ayshe here for killing her father, but I still wanna know the truth word for word.

It is lowkey hilarious that, if Norman did apologize, he instantly goes back to being fully focused on the situation at hand, not even waiting for Ayshe's response. Maybe that could be another reason she's annoyed here. The first obviously being that she might not be able to completely hate Norman after the apology (if one was even said).

[princess-of-thieves-id]

3

As soon as the door closed, he turned to Arik.  “How fucked are we?  Be straight with me.  Does she have any clue who I am?”

Things get very interesting once Inara has left the room.

Arik wanted to laugh at the situation, but he couldn’t.  Neither of them had a clue what was going on, and he couldn’t tell them.  He was stuck plumb in the middle of it.  How the fuck…

“No, I don’t think she does.  I doubt she’d think a Prince would almost strangle a stranger at first meeting.”  Arik sarcastically smirked at Diyan, who apparently also had decided to go by his middle name.  “What are YOU doing here?”

“You think I was going to marry some prissy princess that wants waited on hand and foot all the time and have to deal with her temper tantrums.  And you know that the ones they have to arrange marriages for are…homely.  Fuck that shit!  I hijacked my own ship on the way to Tribaldi.”  Diyan winked back at Arik.  “Used a different name, recruited a crew, and we’ve been pirating for three days.”

“How do you know she’d be prissy or ugly.  Maybe she’s just a decent person and drop dead gorgeous.” Arik raised a brow and looked at him.  He’d seen the way Diyan had looked at Inara, the way everyone looked at her.  Not that he blamed either of them for not wanting an arranged marriage, but he was now finding this amusing in a dark and semi-sadistic way.

“Right.  We both know she’s not going to look like your friend, Renisa, and Princesses are always the most annoying person in the room.” Diyan gave him a droll stare.  “I haven’t met one that I could stand more than 30 seconds.  Trust me, there is no way that I could have even made it through the ceremony.” He chuckled.

“So you would have put her up against the wall by her throat.”  Arik was enjoying this far too much.  Diyan had no idea what was going on, so he was rolling his eyes with what was said.  Had Arik not insinuated the Princess was actually dead, Diyan might have caught the hints Arik was dropping.

“She would deserve it, unlike your friend who did nothing wrong.  I will make it up to that beauty, by the way.” Diyan chuckled.  “Unless you’re already a “thing”.” There was the question Arik had been waiting for.

“No, but you put us in one room.  Are you trying to make us a thing?” Arik finally was able to laugh.  It helped him to relax to be able to get it out finally.  The more he was talking, the funnier he found the whole situation.  Neither Diyan nor Inara had any idea what was going on, and they were going to be dealing with their intended spouse for the foreseeable future.  It was hilarious and not simultaneously.

“I can get you your own room.  I wasn’t sure.  We’ll see how things work out with the beauty then.  Wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened.”  Now Diyan just grinned.  “Just like old times, Arik.”

“Only this time we’re the ones being chased, not the ones chasing the outlaws.” Arik quipped back. 

“Yes, but if we must be chased, at least with a beautiful woman at our side it is not so bad?” Diyan was still grinning.  “I take it from the fact you get along with her, that waiting on her hand and foot will not be required.”  Now he also laughed.

“Had you not had her by the throat and her hands bound, she might have been the one you had to deal with, brother.”  Arik could not believe this was happening.  How did he find himself in situations like this, and always with Diyan.

A brow rose as Diyan considered this.  “Why is it that you always find the interesting ones, Arik?”

“Because I’m not the asshole prince.”  Arik grinned in return.  Being a knight did have some advantages to being the prince, not having to worry about who he engaged with was one of those.

“Neither am I anymore, Arik, I am Captain Noar.  So maybe that beauty won’t find me such an asshole.” Diyan smirked over at his old friend.

“I think she’s pretty sure you are one after you almost choked her out.” Arik’s lips thinned and he gave Diyan a droll stare.  “And, you know, I think we’ll keep that single room.  Make things a bit more interesting.”  He winked and watched Diyan’s jaw tick.  “Should we all three be in one?” Now he just grinned.

“I might share, but I don’t share like that.” Diyan rolled his eyes and shook his head.  “Not even for you.”  

“Pitty, she’s worth it.”  He was enjoying the game now, even if it looked like Diyan was about ready to hit him.

“If she is, then she would slap you for suggesting that.” Diyan chuckled.  “Maybe I should just move her to my cabin.  Apologize my way.  You know I can be charming when I want to be.”  He grinned.  Arik wasn’t going to be able to argue with him.  

“Do as you wish Diyan…I mean Noar.  I have a feeling no matter what either of us have in mind, she is going to do as she pleases.  Renisa isn’t going to be one swayed by your suave Prince act or my valiant knight one.  You are going to have to overcome the jackass pirate captain though, that is ALL ON YOU.”  Airk shook his head and closed his eyes, why Diyan had reacted that way, he still wasn’t sure.  It had to be obvious that the Princess hadn’t been the one to knock him out.  “I think leaving it one room for right now is best.  She trusts me.  Forget romance, you separate us and she’s going to hate you more.”

“Good point.” Diyan relaxed back into his chair. “I don’t want any more trouble than there has to be.  I am glad you showed up though.  Sorry it had to be like this.   And sorry about the princess.”  He suddenly looked like a weight was upon him and sighed heavily.

“It was totally unexpected how it happened. I don’t think anyone anticipated the course of action that was taken.  It was so quick and in the middle of the night.  By morning there was nothing that could be done.”  Arik looked forlorn and downcast, as if there really had been a death and not an escape from the castle that he assisted with.

“Then when I didn’t show up, I’m sure that everyone thought the worst.  I really should let my parents know I’m alive, but I just don’t feel like it.  Let them think I’m dead too.  It’s better that way.”  Diyan sighed, hating the weight of the subject.  It wasn’t that he didn’t like heavy topics, but this one was about him being a damn Prince and he DID hate that.  He hated being constantly reminded that he would be King someday and it would all be on him to take care of an entire kingdom and that he had no choice in anything.  Everything in his life had been dictated and line out since his very birth.  He wasn't allowed to change a thing and that had been a struggle.  He wanted none of it, especially marrying some pampered brat who he'd never met.

"Might be better to leave it alone right now.  Let everything settle from the upset regarding the wedding." Arik suggested.  Since the Princess had run away, not died, getting proof of life of Diyan might make people think they'd both been kidnapped and search even harder.  "But it has been a long night and day.  I probably should go check on Renisa.  She is a nice woman, Diyan."

Both men rose, Diyan shaking his head as he did.  "You looked like hell, my people were playing stupid and she was with you.  I'll try and come back from it."  He sighed.  "Please offer my apologies again."

[david3096]

Evan Buckley has always been bad at love.

Now that he thinks about it, now that he remembers, he must have realized it since he was a child. When his parents acted as if he didn't exist, when every thing he did or didn't do seemed to cause anger but little concern, when the distance, the silence, the coldness was palpable. There was anything but love.

He cannot deny that his sister was always there. That thanks to her, her care, her teachings he knows love, thanks to her he tries to be better every day, he is a man who tries to help others. But except for her and, without reproaching her for the times she left him, he has always been bad in love.

Always wanting too much, always demanding attention he doesn't deserve, always holding on to what he's lost, always trying to keep being loved, always trying not to bore the others.

He must have guessed it on his first day of school, when he didn't even understand what love was in any of its versions.

When he got to his classroom, he met Peter. They chatted and played for an hour. After recess, Peter told him that he didn't want to talk to him again, he had found better friends and he wouldn't be enough for them to play anymore. He doesn't remember if it hurt.

What he does remember is that he met Octavio that same day. He sat on the opposite side from Peter and listened to the whole conversation. He told him that they could be friends. And they really were. They talked about cartoons, about the dreams they had of growing up (although at the time Octavio wanted to live on Jupiter and he wanted to defeat dragons and save entire villages), they played together, they tried to understand each other's classes, they spent time at each other's houses. His first friendship away from home with someone phenomenal.

The first time he felt something for Octavio was around halloween in a park at sunset. They would be about eight years old, the two were swinging around talking about their costumes, Octavio would be wearing a doctor costume with a werewolf mask, which he thought was hilarious. He would be wearing a cowboy costume that Maddie had gotten and at the time the two were debating what mask he could wear to make his costume funnier and scarier.

“You could get a clown mask.”

“I hate clowns, you know that.”

“Considering all the nonsense you say I don't think it's true.”They laughed, swinging harder.“A vampire?”

“Aren't those the enemies of wolves?” Octavio's mother would take them trick-or-treating together.

“Well, but we might be the exception.” He assured him, stopped his swing and he mimicked him. “Go against the rules and be together.” The evening light made Octavio's hair look much darker, his smile much prettier and his words had a different meaning. At that moment something changed inside him. And although he didn't know it until many years later, Octavio was his first love.

The following year his life took a new turn. A new girl was arriving in the middle of the school year, having just moved to that part of town. Her place would be in front of Octavio, her name Meredith. Somewhat quiet, with blonde hair, green eyes. Neither Octavio nor he paid much attention to her the first week, not that they rejected her either, they were just very entertained between the two of them.

One day while they were eating, she approached them. It was amazing how well they started to get along. They played, talked, spent time at Octavio's or Meredith's house, never at his, not after he invited them over and his parents kept yelling at him for making a mess.

One Saturday morning while they were doing math homework at Octavio's house, Meredith was in bed, Octavio was at the desk and he was on the floor. She smiled at him as he turned his head to look at her. At that moment he felt exactly the same as he had that October afternoon with Octavio.

As they ate the cake Octavio's mother had prepared for them and watched cartoons in the living room, he tried to decipher what was happening to him. He didn't really notice a difference in the feeling, but the problem was always that he didn't know how to recognize what the hell that meant.

In the end, that same Saturday lying on his bed staring at the floor, he decided that he would devote himself to enjoying what he felt for his two best friends and that, although he couldn't understand what it was, it surely wouldn't be anything bad.

Now that he thinks about it, that was his first mistake.

One night, when he was ten years old and miserable because it was summer and Meredith and Octavio were on vacation away from home, Maddie came into his room with a worried look on her face.

“Is something wrong?” Maddie looked at him for a few seconds, which made him more nervous. “You look like you're going to give me some bad news.”

“No, I just want to talk to you about something.” Finally his sister smiled at him, locked the door and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Why did you lock the door?”

“I don't want Mom and Dad to barge in.”

“Please, Maddie, I have to be almost dead for them to come into this room.”

“Evan.” She didn't need to say more to scold him. “I'm not here to argue with you, I want to tell you something.”

“Okay.”He frowned, tried to decipher what Maddie wanted to tell him without success.

“Do you know what happens when a man likes someone...?”

“Nope!” he shouted, Maddie jumped a little. “I'm not having this conversation with you.”

“Don't yell!” She told him firmly, but in a subdued tone. “I'm not going to talk to you about that, well not entirely.”

“This is weird.”

“I know, but our parents won't have this conversation with you.” He remembers wanting to say something mean, like she knew they were bad parents too, but at that moment Maddie seemed to be trying to tell him something difficult, he decided to listen. “You know I love you, right?”

“Are you sick?” Maddie rolled her eyes. “Am I sick?”

“Evan, let me talk.”

“You take forever to say things!”Maddie sighed.

“Have you fallen in love with someone?”

“No.” At the time, he didn't think it was a lie. “Why the question?”

“Well, you're at the age when that could happen.” Maddie looked at the ceiling, at the door, finally at him. “And now that Octavio's out of town, how do you feel?”

“Everything sucks.” He admitted dramatically. “I miss him so much, I can't call him, I can't go out with him.” He sank a little deeper into bed. “I want to tell him everything that happens to me, which is not much here locked up with my sister trying to explain to me how human reproduction works.”

“And what do you think that means?”

“That I miss him?”

“And have you ever...?” Maddie paused, closed her eyes and then looked at him. “Have you ever thought about kissing him?”

“I, um...” He had no idea how his sister could know something so personal. “I don't want to answer that.”

“That’s okay.” Maddie took him by the hand. “I just want to tell you that no matter what, I love you Evan. And I want us to be able to share things and know that no matter what, you'll always have your sister.”

“I love you too.” He hugged her, a thousand doubts arose in his mind but also many things started to make more sense. “I feel confused, now.”

“Sorry, but I guess it's normal.”

“No, it's not because I like another boy, not at all.” He kept hugging her. “I feel the same things for Meredith and also sometimes, I think about kissing her.” The moment he said those words he blushed, but took refuge in the hug with his sister.

“Oh, that makes sense.”

“What?”

“Maybe you're a boy who's attracted to boys and girls.”

“Is that even possible?”

“Does that happen to you?” They laughed. “Anyway, what I told you still stands, I love you and you can count on me.” Maddie raised her hand, showed her pinky and he finished the promise with his.

The rest of the vacation was more eventful after that talk. He began to realize that when he went out to the park he looked at boys and girls equally, that he could imagine a life as an adult with a woman or a man with no problems, that neither of those possible futures bothered him. He spent many nights awake because of the heat and because he couldn't stop thinking about how in love he was with his two best friends.

When they went back to school, he tried to keep everything going as usual. Most of the time it worked. And so it went until he turned twelve. After spending so much time with them, after trying to ignore his feelings, they graduated, promised to stay friends, to visit each other on weekends, to keep each other company in trying to achieve their dreams. He didn't hear from them until many years later in California.

At his new school, he tried not to fall in love with anyone again. That led him to not have many real friends. He was devoted to classes, joined the basketball team, watched TV while doing homework.

When he turned fourteen, he started to become popular. He was a regular student, but he was the star of a sports team, his body started to be more developed, he was taller, his smile conquered anyone and to be honest, the attention he received felt good, very good.

He wasn't used to being popular, that people wanted to be with him just because he was him. He was getting letters from secret female admirers (and he's sure he had male admirers too but they were more discreet and less detailed), his life was starting to feel better.

After basketball practice, he would hide in the bathrooms with William, the team's point guard, and make out for hours. He was his first kiss. They spent months just doing that, without talking about it, and he thought maybe the confusion was over. He was gay and wouldn't have to worry about anything else.

But he would cross paths with some girl he thought was cute and his lie would quickly fall apart.

One day Will stopped wanting to hide in the bathroom, he told him that he had gotten a girlfriend. As easy as it started, it was over.

He tried to do the same thing he did. That's how he met Isabella, Will's girlfriend's best friend. They went out a few times to movies and burgers before sharing a kiss. Her lips tasted like strawberry, her movements were calm, sweet, full of smiles and also butterflies in his stomach. He felt like garbage because, every time he kissed her he kept thinking about Will's kisses, which were rougher, stronger and more voracious. Plus they touched each other quite a bit and sometimes they were semi-naked in the school showers.

But Isabella was sweet, funny, smart, he had a crush. She moved out before he could ask her to be his girlfriend. Will broke up with his girlfriend and would ask him to make out again in secret.

He would like to remind himself that he told him to go to hell, that he needed someone who wanted the same thing, someone who would be proud of him. They kissed for three months until Will got a new girlfriend and left him exactly the same as the first time.

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