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escapingrealtiylovinginsanity · 5 months ago

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Rewind, Remix, & Replay Jay & Kim 5x14 & 5x15

This is the link to the rest of the series

I decided to combine these episodes because I didn’t have a lot for 14, it was really just a setup for 15. And I was excited to write 15’s idea, so sue me lol. I know this couple is niche but it's nice to know that others like it too.

The case had been a hard one for Kim. A girl had been raped. It was a sore spot for everyone in intelligence, but it was still a gaping wound for the female detective. The timing didn’t help either. For the last few weeks, she had been using furlough. It had started with a full week off and now was bleeding into a day here or there or having to leave early.

Jay wasn’t sure what the rest of the team knew but Kim was trying to rubber band and Band-Aid her family back together. Her sister Nicole had been struggling badly since she had been drugged and raped. She also had survivor's guilt after finding out that her best friend had frozen to death trying to escape. Kim had originally taken a few weeks off to help her and her niece readjust and cope. Kim said that her support had been only mildly successful. It didn’t help that Nicole was going through a nasty divorce. Her husband was trying to keep all the money and property that the two had acquired together.

Kim had told him during one of their nights together that she felt like her sister was slipping away. Nicole wouldn’t take the support she was trying to give her and had been isolating herself. She had gone completely remote for her job and was having everything delivered so she never had to leave her house. “I just don’t understand it. The more I try to be there for her, to help her, the more she pulls away. I don’t know what else to do. And Zoey…Zoey has no idea what to do with herself. Her whole life has been completely upheaved.”

Jay had seen her eyes mist over with tears as she talked about how her bright and happy niece had become a shell of herself. Her mother’s isolation had forced her to isolate as well. Zoey was normally a social butterfly, but she had been quiet the last few months and had been able to bounce back. Her nearly perfect grades were now barely passing. All her interests had melted away into nothing. Kim had downed a shot before admitting that it was even worse when she came back from staying with her dad. Kim had asked her about it, but she had refused to discuss it.

Jay had just listened to her as they sat at Molly’s in the back corner by themselves. He could tell that she wanted space. Everything in her posture screamed don’t touch me. So, he hadn’t. Instead, he just listened. When she was done and drunker than he had ever seen her he drove her back to her apartment, to make sure that she got there safely. He had forced her to take some painkillers and tucked her into bed to get some sleep. Then he had locked up her apartment before returning to his own.

It had been only a week later that she had requested a furlough. Jay hadn’t seen much of her since. He would be lying if he didn’t admit he missed their nights together. It had become such a routine that it was disorienting to no longer have it. He understood and tried to support her the best he could. He lingered around her at work in case she needed anything or wanted to talk. He tried to absorb some of her workload to make her days easier without taking over. He knew that if Kim was anything like him, she would want a semblance of control in this situation.

On week six of not seeing her outside of work, Jay decided to stop by her apartment. Things had seemingly started to get back to normal for her and he wanted to check up on her.

Kim opened the door to see Jay standing in the hallway of her apartment. He was holding two boxes of pizza with a smaller one that she could guess was a dessert by the chocolate smell wafting through the air. His other hand, he had a case of beer. He gave her a soft smile, “Just wanted to check-in. Thought you might be hungry.”

Kim smiled at him then glanced back into the apartment when a voice asked, “Who is it?” Jay saw the dark head of hair coming out of Kim’s kitchen.

“Zoey, you remember Jay Halstead? He is another detective in my unit.” Zoey shuffled closer and Jay could see it. The girl was exhausted and not just physically. Her whole demeanor was forlorn and heavy, her face blank of all emotions. She had shut down and looked numb. It was a huge difference from the smiling, easy-natured girl he had met a few times before. Even when had seen her in the hospital after almost dying she was in better spirits.

“Hey Zoey,” He smiled at her but she only returned with the barest curve of the corner of her lips.

“Yeah. Hi Detective Halstead.” Jay shifted awkwardly; he hadn’t expected Zoey to be there. He wondered if he had crossed some line and was unsure what to do. He looked to Kim for direction. She had her lips pressed together in a thin line as she watched her niece worry furrowing her features. Then Zoey caught the smell of chocolate chips and peanut butter, she sniffed, and a look of real happiness flashed across her face, “Is that the deluxe s’moreo cookie?”

Jay’s blue gaze flashed down the box and then back to the preteen girl. He had bought the dessert on a whim. Kim was a chocolate hound and they had been having a deal. “Yeah, I’m guessing it's good then?”

“The absolute best!” Jay smiled at the young girl, “Aunt Kim you have to try it. It’s so good! Can we eat while we watch TV?”

“Yeah of course. Pizza first though.” Jay glanced over at Kim who was now smiling but with tears misting her eyes.

“I’ll go get the paper plates!” Zoey rushed back to the kitchen.

Jay felt Kim’s warm hand grasp his bicep, “I know this isn’t what you probably expected but-”

“It’s okay Kim. This worked out even better than I thought it would. I get to cheer up two girls now. You know how I love playing hero.” He teases setting the boxes down on the coffee table. He pulls her into a hug, and she melts into it. She relishes the comfort he gives and the musky scent of his cologne.

“You say that now, but she wants to watch a high school musical marathon tonight and you're just on time for the premiere.” Jay’s face scrunches not thrilled about the movie choice but willing to do anything in his power to keep the smile on Zoey’s face.

“Well, it can’t be any cheesier than the stuff you’ve made me watch.” Kim laughed against his chest poking gently at his ribs.

“Oh, that’s what you think. But just you wait. You’ll be tapping out before the second one ends.” She pulled back a bit and rubbed her hands down his sides. Her tone turns serious. “Thank you. This… this is the first time I’ve seen her smile in… god I don’t even know when.”

“I’m here if you need me. You know that.” Kim nods, leaning back into his embrace to steal just a little more comfort before Zoey returns. She feels the soft press of his lip against her forehead. She lets out an inaudible gasp against his chest. It was the first time Jay had ever done that. It sent warmth throughout her entire body. It was a more intimate action than they had ever shared before.

Zoey paused on her way back to the living room. Her aunt was being held more than hugged by Detective Halstead. Her body leans into his frame. It was clear to the twelve-year-old that they were a lot more than just coworkers. Zoey had seen how much her entire family had been struggling and how her aunt had been the one trying to hold it all together. Kim was like a stone wall, steady and strong. Not asking for help. It made Zoey feel better to know she had someone too.

She backed up into the kitchen and this time made sure to be louder as she returned to the living room. When she made it back around the corner the two had parted. Kim took the case of beer from Detective Halstead and was heading to put it in the fridge.

The first few minutes were on the awkward side. They all settled down on the couch. Kim ended up in the middle, closer to Zoey and leaving a decent distance between her and Jay. Zoey turned on the first High School Musical and they ate pizza. Dessert swiftly followed. Kim did in fact love the S’moreo- she and Zoey about polished it off themselves. Jay had a piece, and it was good, but it wasn’t his favorite. He was happy to have the girls eat it. The first movie was almost over, and everyone had settled deeper and more comfortably into the couch.

By the time the second was on Zoey ‘accidentally’ stolen half of the couch. Her pink-painted toes rested on Kim’s lap as she lay with her head on the arm of the couch. If it forced Kim and Jay to sit practically on top of each other it was 'unintentional'. By the middle of the second movie, Kim was resting against Jay. Her back pressed against his strong chest. His arm was behind the couch and his fingers running through Kim's hair. Zoey was denying sleep by sheer willpower. Her blue eyes struggled to stay open. Her mind was in a half-asleep daze. Zoey had been struggling to sleep for months. Anxiety and insomnia plagued her. There was a warmness in the room tonight, a comforting air, soothed over her body like a child’s favorite blanket. She was out before the credits rolled.

Kim looked up at Jay, “I’m impressed I didn’t think you would hold out that long.” Her voice was only a bit softer than normal. Zoey might have trouble falling asleep, but the girl could sleep through a tornado.

“Your shows prepared me for the worst. I’ve been desensitized.” Kim pinched him on the side. He jumped batting away her hands and he chuckled. “Hey, that’s not nice.”

“I’m nice. Nice enough to let you pick the next movie.” Kim handed him the remote. “Even one of those army movies you pick apart the inaccuracies in.” Jay subtly turns to look at his watch, but the motion isn’t missed by Kim. “Unless it’s late and you need to head out.” He shakes his head. Checking his watch had been out of habit more than anything. Jay had no intention of leaving until he had to. He had stayed out a lot later than midnight and still made it to work in the morning. And he felt like he was finally able to give Kim some of the support she had been giving everyone else, him included.

“I have time.”

#chicago pd #jay halstead #kim burgess #jay halstead and kim burgess #jaykim #jay halstead x kim burgess #jake and kate #jake x kate #burgstead #kim burgess x jay halstead

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t-dick-sapphic · 5 months ago

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I want to tell you all about my first time(s) getting a cock all the way inside me 🥵

Okay so maybe it’s a little embarrassing given I’ve been sexually active for a decade now, but until a month ago I’d never used a sex toy before. My partner and I just haven’t needed any to enjoy ourselves—we get the job done well with just our bodies, dirty talk, and our imaginations—but let’s just say all you pervs on tumblr here inspired me.

It was really fun picking out a few things I thought my partner and I would like (highly recommend Rodeoh if you’re looking for queer&trans-inclusive sex toys). The main things I ended up getting for us were a simple remote vibrator (bullet) and a dildo + harness for my partner to wear and fuck me with 😳

We’ve had them a few weeks now and sure enough, it’s been a lot of fun. What’s surprised us both is how intimate it’s felt: how vulnerable I have to be to spread my legs and let her slide her cock inside me; how safe I feel, knowing she’ll be gentle as long as I need her to be.

…But since I’ve never had anything but a single finger up inside me lol, and that only a handful of times, it’s taken some practice to stretch me out enough to take the whole thing 😅

We managed it one of the second-to-most recent time: bending me over the bed and fucking me from behind, getting me all worked up with dirty talk first, my lover was able to gradually slide her whole cock in. It felt so good cumming around her like that—and oh my god, the final spurt of pleasure as she pulled out of me and the dildo's head pushed against my own overstimulated tip...fuck, that was good.

However, it was hard to actually get a good rhythm going / let her thrust in and out of me; even with lots of lube I was still too tight for that to be comfortable! So the other day while she was at work, I decided to spend some alone time practicing.

I started with the vibrator. Watching some porn of people fucking outdoors, I got wet enough to stick it all the way in pretty easily. The hardest part was actually keeping a grip on it so it wouldn’t go deeper than I could easily pull out lol

I came that way, the vibrator pulsing inside me while I stroked my tdick, fantasizing about my partner getting home from work early and catching me writhing and moaning. When I finally pulled the vibrator out, it was dripping with my cum.

I let it vibrate a little while against my tdick, getting it all hard and worked up again. Then I finally got out the dildo.

Before I slipped it inside myself, I pulled up a video of someone sucking cock and copied their motions—fantasizing that I was the one sucking the cock in the video, I pushed the dildo's tip against my closed lips before opening my mouth to take it in, enjoying the guy's grunt of pleasure as I did so. Again imitating the video, I imagined him pushing it nice and deep into my throat before pulling it mostly out so I could lick and bite around the head.

Only then did I move the dildo lower, sliding it along my chest, my stomach, till its shaft was sliding down along my tdick. I let its slick head brush against my tip, then lower still, slipping inside me where I was already so wet from cumming around the vibrator.

It's quite a bit thicker than the vibrator, so it took a moment to work it inside me—and then only about two thirds went in before it felt like I'd hit a wall, couldn't get it deeper. I slowly slid it back out, relishing the feeling of the head pushing up against the base of my cock on the way out. Got out the lube and added a generous dollop to the dildo's tip. I enjoyed sliding my fingers up and down it, rubbing the lube into the already cum-slick shaft and head.

When I slid it back inside myself, it went all the way in almost immediately. It's like I could feel where it had gotten "stuck" before, but this time I was wet and open enough to grant it easy entry. Pretty sure I let out a truly obscene moan at that point because fuck, I felt like such a slut pushing the whole cock inside me.

I paused to take a few photos for my lover to enjoy, my skirt pulled up to expose the dildo's base pressed up against my entrance, my hand holding it in place. I sent them to her here on tumblr, which she normally only gets on when she's in a horny mood.

It turned me on even more than I already was to choose two of the photos I'd taken, thinking about which angles she'd like best. To imagine her logging on at some unknown future point, and seeing the dirty little surprise I'd left in her DMs.

Even wetter than before, it was time to work on my main goal: getting used to the dildo thrusting inside me.

I kept on the audio of people moaning as they fucked, while I pulled up a tumblr tag to read through horny posts—listening and reading for twice the stimulation as I worked the cock up and down with one hand.

What I ended up discovering after a minute or so is that it was a lot easier to slide it in and out of my hole by actually thrusting my hips—riding the cock rather than using my hand to push it in and out. I was able to get a nice rhythm going, thrusting in time to the two people fucking in my ears, and I came again that way.

By that point it was only a half hour before my partner usually gets home, and sometimes she's early, so I hurried to pull the obscenely dripping dildo out of me, wash it off and sanitize it, clean up the mess I'd made of my skirt, before she got home. I wanted the dirty photos I'd sent to be the thing that alerted her to what I'd gotten up to while she was away. I had no idea of when that would be—could be that night, could be a week away. Not knowing was part of the fun, tantalizing.

Luckily, I didn't have too long to wait for my lover to see the pictures I'd sent her; she got on tumblr and found them just the next morning. As I'd been hoping, they got her nice and turned on for me.

When she fucked me, she was able to slide all the way inside me with ease, and I was able to ride her cock, to let it slide in and out of me over and over till I came and collapsed into the mattress, a dripping, joyous mess.

#hornyposting #sapphic nsft #queer nsft #trans nsft #tdick #first time #starlingsays #actual escapades

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superfluouskeys · 4 months ago

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Personal ask anon here! Yeah, no worries, it is a bit of a personal question! I just found that even though I never thought I'd have a partner and least of all get married, I have completely accidentally met a woman I'm now engaged to, and it has been such a weird experience, in the sense that I am not even remotely as crazy about it as I thought I'd be. I never believed in engagement nor marriage, and then one morning relatively recently I was just totally impulsively like haha, this is so great, marry me? And she was like, yeah! :) And I was so taken aback by my own behaviour that it took me several weeks to process lol, especially because I feel no regret about doing it. I have had dozens of weird flings, situationships, relationships, and most of them were toxic and weird as fuck, but then I find myself at almost thirty (which is still pretty young imo), this woman comes along and I rediscover the power of love lol?! Is that what getting older is?? I simply wanted to hear from someone my age or older who might have Thoughts to share that are not "uwu you've Found One True Love Disney Bullshit" haha! I genuinely think it is a shift in me personally, and not me just finding the perfect person that Cured Me, even though we are objectively a good match on many levels. It just feels so normal?? Anyway, this was ranty! You don't have to respond, I just thought you might have interesting opinions on this topic, you vibe like someone who has Lived Life in the sense that you're not a chronically online person whose perception of relationships is forged on the internet lol

Ahhh, I understand now!! That's really wonderful news, congratulations!!!!!

Since I didn't want to answer the first question (which I suppose is a kind of answer lol) I wasn't sure how to frame the rest without more info! I definitely find lately that I'm thinking a lot about how I used to view and be in relationships when I was younger, and especially how much I've chilled out about it lol! I think it's partly just getting older, but it's also learning and growing from your past experiences, and being open to the changes within yourself! Lots of people get older and keep doing the same shit, and/or they're the ones out here propagating fake bs that makes themselves feel better about their shitty choices while making esp younger people feel like they're just doing it wrong, or like that's something they could never imagine for themselves. Learning from both good and bad experiences and choosing to do and find better is not nothing!

And I definitely feel you that it takes a little bit of an adjustment period just to be like, 'oh, i guess i'm like this now?? huh.' I used to be really emotionally closed off and guarded, and it took me an unreasonably long time to even decide if I liked or could trust someone on a very baseline level. Not too long ago I realized I'm fairly open-hearted these days, and that I can trust my instincts--when I know I like someone, I know, and if it turns out it doesn't work for other reasons, I can accept that it's not some kind of moral failing on my part. But it took a couple of months of just sitting with that realization before I could be like, yeah, I think this is just how I feel now, and I need to adjust how I act accordingly to respect that change in myself!

And god I also used to hate how people would be like 'you'll just feel different when you're older, your priorities will just change uwu' when from my perspective they were justifying settling for less than their worth LOL! When really what I think it comes down to is meeting someone you click with when you're both ready for it, and you've done enough work on yourselves to be able to roll with the punches! It's a truly beautiful thing to realize one day that in spite of everything, you're willing, able, and ready to love! I wish you all the best, and thank you so much for sharing!!!

#sdkjnfknjdfsknjsdf legit lol at 'not a chronically online person' god do i ever try #i wake up some days and i read some bullshit and i think 'nope!!! we don't engage with this we go outside and we touch grass!!!!!!'#(metaphorically as it is currently ten million degrees out there)#personal #exciting tag for answered asks

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alitgblog · 4 months ago

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alright s9 vol 5 thoughts: the episodes are getting less interesting to me but also shit I might be becoming a Hamish fan

I had a bunch of gems saved up because I got a bunch of the rewards from playing s4 episodes and also because I was slowly replaying S4, I kept getting the daily log in gems and the ones from watching ads, so I was fully prepared to use them this volume. And then oh nope I'm not even remotely interested in the drama they're asking me to pay to learn. Like I think I got one of the new dresses because I was sick of the t-shirt dress, but that's it.

"Woah woah woah I still don't know what's going on here" has basically been the name of the last two seasons with how much you gotta pay to listen to drama that mc conveniently wasn't around for

So Melissa gets dumped and her partner also gets dumped but he doesn't say much, which you'd think because no matter which route you're on, he did briefly have a thing for MC, he'd at least say something to her. Or there'd be an opportunity for a hug or closure? Nope. Goodbye, Henri. (And I played this on the fourth of july, that's just unAmerican 😤).

Then comes the highlight of the episode for me, which is the impressions game, because it could've worked so well and yet it happens soooo fucking badly.

But like the sticky notes on their foreheads, sure. It's like an easy gimmick to change the sprites so the game feels different. Like every time that they bring out the hideaway box, it's mildly exciting but mostly corny. But then it spoils which islander is coming up next, so why couldn't they have done it one at a time? Like show Will's name on Finn's forehead first, and then when that's done, THEN Kelly pulls out Bea's name and puts that on her forehead. And we shouldn't be able to see MC's note. Like let us guess and potentially be wrong lol.

Another even easier way to do this, is just drawing names out of a hat so the person pulling has to do an impression. Then MC has more opportunities to guess (like it's more engaging for the player than just reading what everyone else is doing). And like most of the writing would be the same I think. Like MC's partner is bad so instead of saying anything Alfie actually does he just says "oh... it rhymes with Galfie?" and then Hamish can still show off and guess each one if MC doesn't get it, or even if MC does get it then he still starts explaining every islander's backstory.

I also think someone needed to have done something absolutely unhinged for Stefan's name. Like Kelly is like "omg I wasn't even thinking putting his name in" which like I don't believe her, that's kinda shady, but also just kinda boring. Maybe the producers set up the game, or if the islanders do that's fine (like just have Kat or Melissa do it instead bc maybe they want to swoop in and take MC's partner). But like if we say it's the way I described above, then Kat's partner should've been like oh I can do an impression, and then straight up kissed MC, or like did a little speech about how he wants her back, or recited something from when Stefan was upset she didn't leave the villa with him (like it's an opportunity to drop more Stefan lore the way they've been doing it, which I agree is really annoying, but just to continue the trend). And then MC of course can choose the right answer, some other islander, or just be like uhhh wtf??? And then just kick off some more drama that way.

Also the impressions started off strong with Will and then quickly just explaining what happened to that islander. Like, ever heard of show not tell? Even for Ivy, I think it would be so easy to just bring up her checklist but instead they go for "sexy librarian energy"???? tf?? On behalf of Ivy, I'm offended at that description actually. And now you got me out here defending IVY of all people.

Uh anyway, so yeah my favorite bit was Hamish being really into Love Island lore.

And like I said, I don't believe Kelly when she says she didn't mean to put Stefan's name in there. Like I don't think it'll amount to anything, but because it seems like everyone's getting the universal, default Finn being into MC route (getting Suresh treatment), I'd rather it actually be her being kind of shady on purpose. Like she's jealous actually because Finn has already told her he doesn't want to be with her and wants to be with MC. And then give the wlw players a friends to enemies to lovers route with Kelly to change it up a little.

Oh right there was an excess baggage challenge this volume. It feels too late in the game. I think we need another fun challenge, comparable to the S2 paint challenge or the cake one. I feel like we don't get many of those anymore. I think an obstacle course-esque one is fun, because you can a few quick prompts that don't really affect the game but keep the player engaged. Like the games day in S8 but less pay to win prompts.

nothing notable from the baggage though imo. like even the Finn stuff was boring. also I kinda hate him doing hosting roles post love island, idk seems like he'd more fo all in with his brewery stuff and vacationing but instead he's tied to Love Island gigs? like I see that for like Tim because he's basically like Kem from UK S3 and for a while kem did just do hosting gigs for a while so it's not unrealistic to think an islander is making an appearance somewhere else, I guess I just don't see that for Finn. and like I could think of several islanders from any of the new seasons I'd pick before finn. Honestly even Hamish I would understand.

But I only bring up the excess baggage thing because MC and Hamish crawling around trying to listen in on drama is actually so fun. Like it just feels like a S2 Bobby thing to do and I appreciate that. I do hope Hamish's route isn't ruined and also that it only happens if you romance him, because I would want this type of moment to happen even if y'all were just friends, because we get so few friends in the game these current seasons.

Then we get to Finn's pool chat. I just wish, if it were as open as he said it was, then it wouldn't be a secret late night rendezvous situation. Like have the chat in the daylight if you're not afraid, you coward. Idk gave me kinda icky vibes just like in S5, so I said no even though I do think Finn could still be a really good friends to lovers route, like on the level of Jake, but the ball is constantly being dropped with him.

and so little has happened for Finn (that we the audience know of) between this episode and last volume where nearly the same thing happens in the shower and Finn rejects MC if she tries to kiss him (and so I rejected him this time lmao)

I saw the word double and I was afraid Marshall and/or Ozzy were gonna show up as hosts for the date (as if hosts for a date make any sense)

And having them switch dates is kind of a fun twist if not for the fact that the twist last time was that MC went on dates with Lyle and Jude and Chen went on dates with Kelly and his ex. Chen cannot catch a break and for all the loyal girls, wheres their time with their LI?? Like, I like the idea, but maybe it could've been saved for a different season? It just feels irritating to do it back to back. Especially when they've been in there and long enough that Chen and Natasha already know they don't like each other, and it feels like an excuse for Kat and Finn to have some drama we have to pay to listen to.

But you do get to talk to Hamish about Natasha, which feels like it could've been a friendly chat in the villa and we didnt need a date excuse. But alas, we don't get chill chats in the villa anymore 😭

and his little confession!!

Anyway,,, why am I kinda jumping ship for Hamish rn likeeeee... idk I like an individual route and I'm not liking where Finn's at rn soooo

I'm hoping for some Kelly villain vibes just for a little bit (like I said, give the wlw players an frenemies to lovers with her). Like she seems pissed about the note, and I feel like maybe she can possibly recognize Finn's handwriting? That'd be fun.

And then back to challenges, it feels too early for snog marry pie. I don't think they're doing a casa this season, just based off of leaks of islander names I don't think there's enough, but snog marry pie in my head is always around casa or after, and it just feels too early for even casa. But then again, we're on like 15 of 42, so maybe it's fine.

Yeah so overall, I don't even really remember too much. Like it's feeling like S7, and I didn't finish season 7, but I do think I'll finish this one because I'm so curious how the Finn route will go and if they'll drop the ball with Hamish and also with Stefan. And also I like making these weekly posts so I might even just keep going for that alone. but also I enjoy slow burn and second chance romance plots and drama anyway so that could make the season better for me we'll see

#im sorry most of this post is just me talking about the impressions game lmao #it was kind of uneventful for me this volume #litg s9 #litg all stars #rambling

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saisok · 3 months ago

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08.11.24

I’ve been soo busy these last few days. I forgot that Kevin took Friday off so he can also attend Hunter’s meet and greet with his new teacher. I swear he told me he forgotten to request for it off.

Hunter was chilled while we met his teacher and his new room. He already knows who she is. She used to be a PM teacher when he was there last school year.

The moment we grabbed our papers from the teacher, he started crying lol. He thought we were going to leave him. I know it’s going to be hard this week. He cried his eyes out when I left him the first day of school for about 3 days though. Hopefully he will be alright this time.

I’m still gyming. I went to the gym 7 days straight! I decided Saturday will be my day off going forward. Today was a good workout because I had the gym to myself so I was able to do strength training on my arms. I’m weak as shit. Seriously! When we were at target, the cashier asked if I would like a bag for the watermelon and I said no thank you. He scanned and handed it to me and dear lord, I almost dropped it with two hands holding it. I injured the back of my left hand…. Because I hit the cart with it as the dang watermelon landed lol

I’m also still making my green smoothie. It’s getting a lot better. I’m mixing things around and making it more water down because it’s a lot easier to drink it. I can chugged it with no issues. The previous ones was a bit harder because I didn’t add enough liquid. Let me be a pro now ha.

I also prepped lunch for Hunter and I tomorrow. His bento box is ready and my lunch bag is packed. I ended up grilling chicken breast with sauté spinaches on the side. I didn’t have to pack anything for Kevin because he’s traveling to San Antonio tomorrow to pick up his new work truck. I can’t wait to see it! He sold his Mitsubishi Evo last year because he wasn’t driving it anymore due to his work truck being his main. Also because he gotten into an accident a few years ago with it, he said it’s not the same. He says, it’s a guy thing or whateverrrr. Goodbye stick shift.

Today I spent my day doing laundry and getting things done as Hunter prepared for his first day of school tomorrow. The school required mesh or clear backpack only, which totally sucks because I really wanted him to select his backpack. I am sure all the kids going to end up with identical backpack so I pulled my embroidery machine out; embroided his name and attached it to his mesh backpack.

It came out great!

We went shopping today because Kevin needed some new kicks. He’s so frugal when it comes to himself. I love that he takes good care of us and spoiled us to death but homeboy has to stop saying No to himself lol. In the end, I bought Kevin and Hunter’s first matching Jordans.

I can’t wait for them to wear it out together hahahaha

Okay, I need to catch up on my remote jobs. I got so many audits to do.

Bye

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zentloper-xmas · 2 years ago

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Merry Christmas, y’all!

How do you write a Christmas letter for a year like this year? I won’t lie to you, it hasn’t been a fun year for the most part. But thanks to my family and a move, it hasn’t been a total bust either.

The biggest news is the house in Austin, TX. Well, Buda to be specific, which is a “smaller” berg south of Austin– bigger in quotes because it’s definitely growing, where growing = refuge for the mass exodus of Californians. We’ve been greeted, sassed, and everywhere in between from native Texan folk as a result. Nah, for the most part, everyone’s extremely friendly, especially those on our street who have welcomed us to the neighborhood.

The move happened in August. The touring and paperwork happened in July. In an… interesting turn of events, my parents decided “fuck it” and bought a home for the purpose of being a “landing pad” for myself and my partner, Neil, as well as my brother, Riordan, and his wife, Shawna. So technically, we’re renting. But the hassle of a cross-country move is over, and hell was that a hassle. I’d never done a long-distance move before, let alone across multiple states. And being the collector I am, I had A LOT of boxes. But it’s been really fun getting to unpack all those boxes and decorate an entire home!

At any rate, I’m endlessly thankful to be in the position we are now. And to my folks’ charity, who saw fit to use their stable financial position to give us all an opportunity. Previously we’d been occupying Neil’s parents’ secondary domicile. Once we moved out, they were able to put their home up on the market and sold quickly!– even during a pandemic, the Bay Area remains a hot housing market, for whatever reason… considering most tech companies are largely remote now.

Something that should have been big news but felt like a big fizzle was my graduation. I finished my Master’s program in May of this year (then SJSU proceeded to take forever to send out our degrees… how does it take FIVE months to mail a piece of paper??). I was halfway through my remaining class when COVID-19 struck, such that we muddled the remaining eight weeks out remotely before calling it good. Of course this meant no graduation ceremony or in-person acknowledgement of my accomplishment of any kind. No photos. No cap and gown. No balloons. Wasn’t even able to get together with my 2017 cohort for a send-us-off. Well, my parents did get me a cake after they saw how melancholic I was. I still just feel jipped.

So does my mom on that front, considering she’s a lecturer “at” UC Merced (notice those quotes again!). She misses the in-person classes and student interaction that made the job fulfilling. She actually had me film, edit, and upload all her lectures on YouTube so her students can learn remotely. So now she just attends office hours and meetings through Zoom. She and my dad were here in Texas for about a month, and it was actually easier for her because the internet connection was better here than Patterson, CA. LOL. Dad’s actually, factually, fully retired… for realsies this time! All the remote work was reason enough for him to finally pull that trigger. Now he struggles to figure out what to do with his free time– kidding, he just hits those home projects 100% harder now, ha.

Actually BIG news is my sister-in-law’s pregnancy! I’m gonna be an uncle… and really soon! She’s due early January. So 2021 is going to be very different with a baby in the house. Probably a good thing– I need some practice for my own eventual kiddos. We are all SO EXCITED to be welcoming a new addition to the Zentler brood, as it were.

Foolishly, though I knew it not at the time, I chose this year to set a goal to run 2020 miles this year. I got to complete a half marathon in January as well as another in February, but the one scheduled for March sadly got the axe. Thankfully our new hometown sponsored a small 5K “turkey trot” event over Thanksgiving. As of typing this, I’m a mere 100 miles from completion! So that’s a personal success.

I miss working at the theme park. I was all set up to be an Entertainment Supervisor for costumed characters going into the 2020 season. Thus far with all the stringent regulations California has in place, few entertainment venues have been able to do business, Great America included. For now I remain partially employed (contract work) with SEMI– a global industry association for semiconductors– mostly involved with website content management and marketing endeavors. Neil and Riordan are both employed with overnight graveyard gigs to help pay the bills.

Fun is still allowed in Texas, to the extent that safety isn’t compromised. The fam has been able to attend fun outdoor events like a corn maze/pumpkin patch, renaissance fair, tattoo expo, traveling carnival, and plenty of new tasty restaurants. To get in the spooky spirit in October, we even set-up our own haunted house walkthrough experience in the garage and handed out frozen popsicles to the kiddos– there were a lot of trick-or-treaters! We also have fun at home; the family enjoys playing board games and video games together most nights, and trying out new recipes in the kitchen. Here’s one of our favorites so far for Cranberry Orange Shortbread Cookies!: https://www.recipegirl.com/cranberry-orange-shortbread-cookies/

We hope all is well with you and yours (as much as possible), and that 2021 treats ALL OF US a whole lot better,

-Rick & Neil

#Zentloper #Christmas #Xmas #Letter #2020

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rushipedia · 3 years ago

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hellu!! ((spoilers for the new event if you haven’t done it!)) I’ve had this idea for like an albedo x reader where it involves his impostor from the new event & i was wondering if you’d be interested in writing something that involved his impostor 👀👀? ITS SO VAGUE SORRY HAHA BUTJFJKGLG I’d love to see what you write if you’re inspired by it 😳💖

A Lonely Encounter - Part 1. (2)

A/N: OH THIS ASK IS SO WONDERFUL I'm a little worried about the vague spoilers in the ask though so I apologize to anyone that happens upon this and doesn't know yet!! Ty for the asks anon!!!

Edit: ok I just finished writing this and it ran a little long, but it's not too lengthy. I just got a burst of inspiration.

The actual fanfic is underneath my rlly long theory ramble in case u wanna skip that part LOL i just needed to tell someone about it...Tumblr is a gr8 place for that. (Maybe I should make a separate post for it, but I'm too lazy. sorry anon.)

Pairing: Albedo x GN!reader (pre-relationship or pre-existing relationship, your choice.)

Genre: There's really no theme... mystery perhaps. Tbh its kind of wholesome. One-shot (or maybe not... will there be more? idk...)

Word Count: 1086

Warnings: MAJOR Spoilers for the recent Albedo event!!, Albedo is acting slightly possessive again (idk why i always write him that way), but tbh he just wants to protect you.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

Theories!

There are 3 Albedos I believe (not just in theory, I think there were actually 3.), 2 were creations of Rhinedottir and one was the creation of the imposter Albedo (But it wasn't actually an Albedo, it was simply a mutated plant that was used to mimic and distract him from something else.)

I believe that the 1st Albedo is the Albedo we know to be the "impostor" and the 2nd one is the Albedo that we know and that the first Albedo was somehow not what Rhinedottir wanted and she attempted to dispose of him. (Not very nice dude...) Anyway! Since Albedo calls the impostor "Master's failed specimen in the dragon's belly", I think he may be either referring to the impostor just being in Dragonspine OR that Durin was used to dispose of the first albedo. (Weird, I know...) That could've been how the impostor ended up in Dragonspine. No theorizing there, he also could've just walked LMAO.

Also, during Albedo's monologue during the end, I feel like it was definitely from our Albedo's point of view, at least up until the very end where he talks about being human and being brought into the world. Maybe it's to show Albedo's astounding amount of empathy despite being synthetic, or it's to show the original Albedo's true feelings? Not sure there. Either way, it is extremely sad.

Things were different now that the two of you were aware of it. The feeling of being watched couldn't simply be blamed on the wild animals and camouflaged creatures in the area anymore. You would be working quietly when suddenly you would share a look with him. Then his sword would be out.

He had made the choice to let his imposter live. But at what cost, he now wonders. The cost of his focus? Or his sense of safety in solitude?

You weren't all that bothered by it. Nothing remotely deadly had happened since what had gone down a few weeks ago.

"Albedo," You said to the blonde, who was currently staring blankly at the vial in his hand. He was shaken from his thoughts and focused back on the vial, which he now noticed was not the color it was supposed to be. He made a slightly disappointed expression before turning towards you.

"What is it, Y/N?" He asked, setting the vial back into the rack.

"We're out of mint," You say, rocking back and forth on your heels. "I'm going to go collect some."

So far, Albedo had refused to let you out of his sight. You hadn't been able to go looking for ingredients or get a moment to yourself for days.

"Ah, okay." He said, before retrieving his sword. "Let's go."

"Well, um... I was hoping I could go by myself." You said, avoiding making eye contact with him. His arm with which he brandished his sword sort of went limp and he kind of just looked at you like he was thinking about something.

"I have a sword too, you know." You laughed nervously, pulling out your own. The one he'd given you. The one he'd said only you could brandish. He was silent for a moment more.

His brows knitted together slightly before he nodded.

"Okay. Be careful. Shout if you need me." He said, looking into your eyes rather intensely from where he stood a few feet away, "I will hear you."

You nodded, before waving and turning away.

You weren't all too worried about being alone, given that nothing eventful had happened. But maybe that was because the two of you hadn't been apart since then. Then again, it didn't seem to have any trouble with causing problems for groups of people. You thought back to the avalanche.

You picked mint carefully, placing it into your bag. It was rather nice to be alone, even if it's just for a little while. You adore Albedo, but his presence can be smothering. Anyone's is when you're unseparated for that long. It was no fault of his for wanting to keep you safe.

You wandered from the path to collect some Starsilver you'd spotted growing from a rock. Leisurely, you collected the brittle material to bring back to Albedo. You heard a rustle a few feet away from you and flicked your eyes towards the sound. It was too quiet.

Just then, you heard heavy steps crunching in the snow behind you. You whipped around quickly, sword drawn in an instant.

It was Albedo. You glanced immediately at his neck. No diamond, this was not your Albedo. He simply stood there and stared at you, it was rather unusual.

You clutched the Starsilver in your hand and tried to open your bag to drop it in there so you could make your escape.

"Why do you carry those?" He asked, suddenly. His eyes glanced down to the ore in your hand. His face remained blank. No trace of curiosity. Just blank.

"The Starsilver...?" You asked, extremely confused. He closed his eyes momentarily and nodded. "It's for paint."

He shook his head. "I know, but they are the lackluster sort like you talked about."

His eyes seemed to dull. You glanced down at them, but you couldn't tell the difference, despite the advice of Albedo, Paimon, and the traveler last time you'd collected some.

"Well, it'll all be turned into silver paint, anyway. I'll use it if Albedo doesn't." You shrugged, strangely feeling like you could let your guard down. Your arm relaxed a bit.

He took that moment to lunge forward to grab you by your shirt collar.

"ALBED-!" You tried to yell, but he covered your mouth. You struggled.

"Teach me how to paint." He muttered, gripping your clothing tighter. You dropped your sword and lifted your leg to kick him away. He stumbled but regained his composure quickly.

You simply stared at each other. He grits his teeth in frustration and turned away, walking back in the direction he came from.

Teach him to paint? Does he want to create more creatures? You don't want to be responsible for something like that if that's what he is trying to do.

But maybe he wants the simpler aspect of it. Surely there's not much for him to do up here. He'd needed Albedo's notes to create the Whopperflower, so he's clearly not a genius at alchemy either. It's a good way to pass the time, the same reason that Paimon had wanted the traveler to learn.

You snapped your head towards the sound of quick footsteps coming towards you. Symbol-clad neck. Your Albedo. His sword was out.

You didn't know what to say when he stood there a few feet away, seeing that there was nothing wrong with you. He straightened up.

"What do you need?" He asked. He didn't mind that you weren't in trouble. He was relieved, actually.

"Nothing..? Ahh, well." You said, still dazed from the events that had just taken place. You quickly formulated a lie. You weren't protecting the impostor or anything like that, right? Just making sure Albedo wasn't worrying about you anymore.

"I picked some mint and a Whopperflower surprised me..." You laughed nervously. He seemed to relax. "I guess I'm still a little paranoid from last time, sorry."

"Don't apologize." He said, "It is merely human nature to become wary of things that have affected you in the past. Especially if those same events can occur again." He said, stepping closer to you. He wrapped his arm around your mid-section and looked towards the top of the mountain.

The wind blew cold.

"Let's go back now." He said after being silent for a few moments. "I'll cook dinner."

"Okay," You mumbled. You looked back over your shoulder as you walked beside him back to camp. You swear you could see a flash of blue eyes between the brush and snow.

rushipedia ☆ 2021

#☆rushipedia #☆rushipediaoneshots #albedo x reader #gender neutral reader #genshin x reader #albedo x gender neutral reader #impostor albedo #boy what do i call him #i accidentally just copied and pasted the entire fic into the tags and spent 5 minutes deleting it help me #imposter albedo x reader #imposter albedo

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greensaplinggrace · 3 years ago

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So you mentioned in another post that you have some strong thoughts on Baghra, especially about how the story frames her as one of the good guys. I would love to hear about it.

@youremotionallystablefriend: I would love to hear you rant about Baghra if you feel like it (and haven’t already)! Personally I don’t think she gets enough constructive critique in the fandom for being the one that brought Aleks up and for the way she treated her pupils and especially Alina :/

Anon: Hello! I love your thoughts on the grisha books. I'm actually interested to hear your take on Baghra

@misku-nimfa: If you are up for it, I would love to read your thoughts on Baghra or your full critique of society in the Grishaverse. Your analysis is really well structured and interesting! ^.^

Anon: Hi! I saw your recent post and was wondering if you'd share more of your thoughts on Baghra?

---

Hello everyone! I was honestly very surprised to see so many people interested in my thoughts on Baghra? I'll share what I can, but please know that this is by no means a full breakdown of her character! It’s just some Thoughts I’ve had, and they’re mostly centered around show Baghra because that’s how I was first introduced to her character. Although IMO book Baghra might actually be even worse.

I’d like to preface this by saying that many of my issues with the treatment of Baghra as a character in fandom come from the wild double standard there seems to be regarding her and the Darkling. Darkling Antis and a vast majority of the people in this fandom who don’t like his character have a disturbing habit of absolutely ripping into the Darkling for all of his faults and then turning around and treating Baghra as some sort of pristine mother figure for the exact same shit.

They’ll talk about how badass she is, how strong she is, how they sympathize with her past (although they’ll continue to dehumanize the Darkling and refuse to sympathize with his own past) and sympathize with the fact that she has to deal with the Darkling (who’s always referred to as a monster she must corral or control, as if he is inhumane and beastly. These particular comments always take on the very distinct tone of victim blaming as well). They’ll laud her for all of these “powerful girlboss” moments as if they aren’t carbon copies of the Darkling’s own behavior - as if they aren’t things Baghra herself taught him. Which is why this is the wildest double standard of all to me, because every horrible action they praise Baghra for is something she taught the Darkling, and something they cannot stand to see in him as well.

It’s as if there’s a disconnect between their consumption of the literature when it comes to the two characters, and I’m of the opinion that it’s largely because Baghra is a woman and a mother and therefore infantilized in the fandom quite a bit. In fact, Bardugo herself often infantilizes many of her female characters in her writing. This is mostly through the process of excusing their terrible deeds, not allowing them to do anything remotely dark, or brushing any morally grey actions under the rug without ever touching upon them. Which puts me in the strange position of knowing I’m supposed to sympathize with Baghra for having to deal with the monster she’s created, and instead feeling resentful of the fact that this bitter woman is held up as this wise old strict teacher instead of the abusive mentor/mother she should have been.

Now, here’s what I said to make so many of you send me asks:

Last note, in reference to your first line, and also probably a pretty unpopular opinion. I do not like Baghra. And it legit has nothing to do with the Darkling or with Alina, I just don't like her "I'm going to hit you and berate you and emotionally abuse you and manipulate you and act like the good guy at the end of it" vibe she's got going on. At least Aleksander is acknowledged as the villain within the narrative. Idk wtf Baghra is on but it's absolutely wild to me that people aren't more critical of her actions. Which is, rather fortunately for you, another rant I will save for another post if anybody ever wants to hear it lol. (but like kudos to Baghra's actress. I loved the character as a character, I just don't like the way she's framed as a good guy. Weird. Uncomfortable. She literally set bees on the kids she was teaching).

This basically summarizes most of my thoughts on Baghra as a character and how she’s portrayed. I touched on it a bit above, but the way she’s able to get away with so much and not suffer under heavier critique is honestly baffling to me. There should be a lot more criticism of her out there in the fandom. This is the woman who abused her students and neglected her son. Although to be honest I don’t even know how to quite describe the emotionally neglectful yet unhealthily codependent bond she fostered in him from a young age. IMO, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander is creepy, and I know she has a history that makes it more understandable, but it’s still incredibly disconcerting to witness.

But let’s get back on track! First of all, her students. Whom she physically, emotionally, and mentally abuses. She’s derisive, she’s insulting, she’s belittling. She works hard to strip them of any self confidence they may have. She uses pain as a means of triggering powers. And the strict teacher excuse doesn’t fly. The “it’s only a training method!” excuse is even worse. This is literal abuse she’s heaping on her students and it’s wretched.

The first thing she does to Alina when they first meet is insult her. Then she hits her. Then she kicks her out.

Second time they interact is a montage. Baghra hits Alina multiple times. She shames her. And then when Alina actually calls a light she tells her it’s not nearly enough, effectively wiping the smile off of her face and every sign of self confidence that had been building. Then we see the door to Baghra’s hut shut in Alina’s face. So now she has been bruised, battered, berated, stripped of all self confidence, and then banished again. As training methods go, this is not only entirely ineffective, but it’s also just abusive.

Then we get this interaction between Alina and her friends:

Marie: One time, Baghra released a hive of bees on me. Nadia: Worst part is, it worked. Marie: It really did. I could summon at will after that.

Which is fucking horrifying and not talked about nearly enough. That goes beyond hitting your students. Baghra used a fear tactic on a young girl to activate her powers. She literally tortured Marie to make her powers work.

Alina throughout this conversation is looking very disheartened. She’s lacking in any self confidence and the comment about the bees has clearly affected her. For someone who’s first words to Alina were “Everyone believes that you are the one. Come back when you believe it too,” Baghra doesn’t exactly seem keen on Alina actually believing she’s the one. If she did, she wouldn’t be stripping her of every positive emotion associated with sun summoning.

Let’s not forget that Baghra demeans Alina multiple times for her status as an orphan. How she utilizes what she knows of Alina’s emotional weaknesses to provoke her and discourage her and make her angry.

And then Baghra drugs her without consent. To take advantage of any information Alina gives her in that state. To use the way Alina reacts for her own ends.

Because why else would she say this?:

Alina: We planned to run away together. Baghra: You had plans. Perhaps he never did, because where is he now?

Which is, strangely enough, the same sense of isolation and separation from Mal and her past that Aleksander is attempting to foster. Weird how mother and son are both using the same manipulation tactics.

In fact, why does Baghra never tell Alina about the letters until she’s already engaged with Aleksander? Baghra must have known he was taking them. Alina talks about it enough. Baghra must have known he was isolating her from Mal. How could she not, when it’s revealed later that she has spies in the Little Palace collecting information on him? How could she not, when she knows he’s the villain from the beginning - when she knows he’s manipulating Alina?

Baghra knows, and yet she keeps the same lies Aleksander does and furthermore uses that information to make Alina feel even more isolated and weak. Baghra literally just piggy-backs on Aleksander’s manipulation and then exacerbates it. She wants Alina to feel no attachments to her past because she wants to use Alina as well. But for some reason, because this manipulation and treatment of Alina as some sort of tool is done by the woman who opposes the Darkling, it’s suddenly okay. As if it still isn’t the same terrible shit but with a different perpetrator. I mean damn, at least Aleksander feels something for Alina. Baghra’s just cold.

So, point by point. Baghra mentions how Mal doesn’t care for Alina, she mentions Alina’s failings constantly, she mentions Alina being an orphan, she constantly hits her, she guilts Alina about orphans dying, she works to instill a sense of isolation from her friends and her family.

And when Alina finally comes to Baghra, having decided to abandon her attachments to her past and her attachments to Mal, the words that ring in her head are Baghra's words - “needing anyone else is weak.” Which is honestly just a horrible sentiment in general, but an even worse one when considering how hard these people are working to detach Alina from anybody who can help her or give her an outside perspective.

Strangely, it’s also similar to this line:

The problem with wanting, is that it makes us weak.

...which is spoken by Baghra’s son. You know, the Darkling? Our big bad villain? The one Baghra raised?

Which gives me the impression that Baghra’s teaching methods with her students are really not that far off from the teaching methods she used on him as he was growing up. It’s a horrifying thought, and leads into my problems with her relationship with Aleksander.

First of all, show wise. What the fuck.

Aleksander: They’re punishing us for being Grisha. Baghra: Punishing you. You made him afraid. Now he wants you to fear him. Aleksander: I won a war for him. Baghra: And in doing so, started a war on us.

I get that she’s trying to convey how the king feels here, but it still feels incredibly victim blamey from a narrative standpoint. It isn’t Aleksander’s fault the king fears him when he used his powers under the King’s banner to help him win a war. Aleksander trusted this man who betrayed him and then betrayed his people, and we get a line from his mother, entirely unsympathetic, talking about how it’s his fault all of these people are dying.

Baghra: Where’s the girl, your healer? Aleksander: Dead. She died because of me. Baghra: She died because they always do. They’re not as strong as you and me.

Baghra’s use of the term ‘girl’ and ‘healer' here instead of Luda is pretty telling. She either doesn’t like Luda or doesn’t care for her. Either way, this is the woman her son loves, and Baghra talks about her so dispassionately. Then he comments on Luda’s death and there’s no reaction except to say that they always do.

Like, her son is literally broken up over here. Grieving. Desperate. Run ragged. Caged and hunted. Feeling guilty as hell. Mind running through a million different ways he could possibly save all of these people. And Baghra offers him nothing except a paltry “people die, get over it, we’re better than that, she didn’t matter anyway.”

Honestly, how is Aleksander even still functioning at this point? He has no support system and he’s working against a king and his army to protect a group of civilians he could easily abandon to save himself. The sheer amount of responsibility and mental strain keeping track of a group alone entails is already monstrous, but adding in every other factor? The recent death of Luda, the fact that they’re cornered and they’ve been hunted down while fleeing across the land, the fact that he was just a couple hours ago forced to his knees and entirely at these men’s mercy, begging for Luda’s life. And here his mother is, if anything a negative support system. Offering no other ideas, telling him to give up hope, not even offering the barest smidgeon of emotional support as he grieves, putting everything on his shoulders.

It pisses me the fuck off.

Aleksander: You’re the one who taught me how to kill, mother. Their blood is on your hands as much as mine. Baghra: I taught you so you could protect yourself. Not them.

Once more, Baghra highlights how he needs to protect himself. How he should abandon the people he’s protecting. How he shouldn't help others and only ever himself. Once more, she says it’s my way or the high way. There’s zero effort to work with him. Zero effort to sympathize or compromise. She’s constantly pushing him to take the one option she knows he won’t take. The hell did she think was going to happen?

Also, Baghra taught him how to kill. Not necessarily great parenting, but understandable given the circumstances of his upbringing. But the level to which she takes it is honestly concerning. Like, look no further than this woman to see where Aleksander got it from lol.

Baghra also forbids him from using Merzost. Which is great and all, she gets to claim the moral high ground. But she doesn’t offer a single alternative except to flee and let everybody die. There was legitimately no other option to Merzost except for torture and death. If there was, Baghra sure as hell didn’t help Aleksander come up with one. Aleksander, who - by the way - is in no fit emotional state to be making any kind of decision right now.

So anyways, that’s just my tv show grief regarding Baghra, and it’s not even really all of it. I don’t want to make this an hour long read though lmao. But I’ll go over a few other things.

First of all, Baghra’s whole “We’re the only two that matter. We have to do whatever we can to protect ourselves,” mentality is one that she actively touts to Aleksander on a regular basis when he’s incredibly young. It’s honestly a wonder he grows up to care about other people at all. But the mentality itself is something Aleksander still heavily internalized in regards to protecting himself and those he deems worthy at any cost.

There’s a moment in the books when Aleksander is attacked and nearly drowned by some kids who wanted his bones (one of which was a close friend of his). He uses the cut in self defense and then blames the nearby Otkazat’sya village. Baghra knows he’s lying, and yet she allows an entire village to get slaughtered for harming him. This is a disproportionately violent act that Baghra approves of, and Aleksander as a kid is definitely internalizing that mindset.

Also, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander has always been weirdly possessive and controlling. Especially when it comes to the people he loves. Her actions often come across as her trying to isolate him in order to keep him by her side, even when the relationships he has are clearly intimate. Which... is especially strange for a mother to be doing to her son.

She was also an extremely emotionally neglectful mother. Based on the show and what I gathered from her actions there, I’m actually half convinced she was physically abusive as well, in that “I think I’m being a stern, good parent figure when in reality I’m actually harming my child” kind of way. She fosters codependence with her son and then refuses to provide for any of his emotional needs. She drives it into his head that everybody dies, that he’ll always be alone, that love is useless and power is everything. She denies him the opportunity to be soft and works to harden him at a young age. She tells him he must never allow people to touch him, except she doesn’t work to supplement those physical needs in any way. She essentially abuses him.

Honestly, I could go on. But in reality the simple fact is that I just don’t like her. I think she’s a hypocrite. I think she’s abusive. I think she’s a terrible mentor and an even worse mother. And I think the fandom and the books are willing to brush aside so many of her faults simply because she opposes the Darkling.

I’m sorry if this isn’t what you guys were looking for! It sounds like a lot of you wanted a more of a sophisticated breakdown, but my thoughts on Baghra come with a heap of emotional baggage lol. It feels weird to say this now, but I actually do like the character as a character, I just,,, don’t like her in every other aspect. My feelings on Baghra are just a bit personal, to be honest. But hopefully this was at least comprehensible??

#shadow and bone #sab #grishaverse #anti leigh bardugo #anti baghra #baghra critical #sab spoilers #demon in the wood spoilers #aleksander morozova #sab meta #the darkling #fandomcourse #myramblings #leigh bardugo critical #mymetas #anti darklina bs #please dont hate me for this #aaahhhh now im worried #Yikes

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messy-nonbinary · 3 years ago

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Can I request a part 2 for Nothing to be afraid of. Where it is Nat's turn. But afterwards readers behavior changes, because she is in pain physically and meantally, and is afraid of the three. Then when Buck, Nat, and Steve notice, they start to panic because they think they broke her.

Fixing Our Girl

TW: Dark!Natasha, dark!Bucky, dark!Steve, dark!Wanda, forced age regression, misuse of powers, non-con, if more is needed let me know

Pairing: Dark!Mommy!Natasha x Dark!Daddy!Bucky x Dark!Daddy!Steve x fem!reader

Summary: Maybe they took it too far.. But how are they going to fix it?

a/n - Yeah so I've been quite some time lol sorry @coollemonsaresour I was waiting till after LGIT before I answered but then I went on a week vacation from writing and then ANOTHER week of vacation with some family to Florida. Promise I'll try and get to other requests soon!!

MASTERLIST��| PART 1 | TAGLIST

*By clicking 'keep reading' you are confirming that you are of legal age(18+) and have read all warnings above. I do not consent to having my content read by minors!

“Now it’s Mommy’s turn to have some fun.”

Natasha had meant each word. It may not have been fun for you but it was definitely fun for her. She made you cum at least 4 times before she sat on the edge of the tub and shoved your face into her heat. “Fuck- You eat out Mommy so well, Lovebug.” She praised, though it didn’t make you feel any better.

She didn’t let your head leave her pussy until she had came around your mouth 5 times. But when she was finally done with you, the two of you finished your bath and she carried you back to your playroom. “You did so good for us today, baby.” She said, planting a small kiss on your forehead before leaving.

You felt disgusted, violated, and most importantly, scared. Just as scared as you did when they first kidnapped you. When you were punished left and right because you would or wouldn’t do certain things. You had learned how to survive and not be punished. And when it came to sex, you denied them and they had accepted it. It made you at least feel like they weren’t extremely terrible people.

But now, you were scared of them. Scared of what they could- no- would do to you now that they’ve crossed this line.

You were in pain. Both mentally and physically. What did they expect from you now? That the four of you would continue living normally as though nothing had happened? As though you enjoyed what they did to you? Did they expect you to do it again?

You wanted to cry but you couldn’t. You had used up all your tears that were willing to fall earlier..

You sat on the floor of your playroom motionless. It’s not like you wanted to move, even if you could. Your bones ached and your vision began to get blurry as you finally let yourself fall asleep.

You woke up to Bucky slamming himself into you. You had no idea how long he had been doing this but you knew that just because you were awake, it didn’t mean he was going to stop.

“Hey, Doll. You’re finally awake.” Bucky groaned in your ear. “Daddy just wanted you all to himself.” You couldn’t bring yourself to tell him to stop as he slammed into you even harder. You couldn’t even bring yourself to move, merely letting him have you. He grunted in your ear as he grew closer, only praising you once he filled you up with his seed.

Your mind went blank, as though you blacked out, and the next thing you knew, you were back in your playroom, laying on your stomach in front of one of your coloring books.

You didn’t want to color. You didn’t want to do anything but run away. Maybe even crawl in a hole and-

“Hey, Doll. Wanna come watch a movie with us?” Bucky said, interrupting your thoughts. You just looked up at him and nodded. He picked you up and took you to the living room where Steve and Natasha were already sitting on the couch together.

Bucky handed you off to Natasha while he looked for a movie. She bounced you in her lap while you just stared off into the distance. “How’re you feeling, Baby?” Steve asked from your right. You shrugged, not able to find the energy to talk. Steve frowned, looking over to Natasha with concern.

“Alright. Movie picked.” Bucky said, setting the remote down. Nat pulled you closer to her and you just laid on her chest, not really focusing on the movie. It was one of your favorites, that much you could tell, but you couldn’t even find solace in it anymore.

You fell asleep halfway through the movie and Natasha carried you to bed.

“There’s something off with her.” Steve said.

It took a while for the three to understand what was going on but then they realized that you were scared.

Of them.

“Did we go too far?” Steve asked. “What- of course not. Right, Nat?” Bucky asked, turning to Natasha. “I don’t know, Bucky. I mean- Steve is right, there is something going on with her.”

They didn’t know it yet but you were gone. Their innocent little girl is no longer with them. What was replaced was a shell of a person.

“Is there anything we can do to fix it?” Steve questioned, panic rising in his chest. “I’m not- I’m not sure.” Bucky said and he tried to think of something, anything that might bring their girl back. “Nothing. I think we- I think we broke her.”

Steve cursed under his breath, lacing his hands through his hair. Was there really nothing he could do, nothing at all?

“No. I have an idea..” Natasha started, explaining her idea to the two men before her.

----

“Y/N we have someone for you to meet.” Natasha said, stepping aside for you to see the person following her. “This is your Auntie Wanda.” She said once you got a good look at her. “Hi, little one! Nice to meet you.” Wanda greeted, sticking out her hand for you to take. Not wanting to get in trouble, you did. “Hi..” You spoke quietly.

You went to pull your hand away but Wanda held on tightly. Bits of red began emitting from her other hand as she led it towards your face. You tried to pull away but Natasha grabbed you and held you in place.

It felt like something was trying to prod into your mind and your eyes flashed red before you passed out.

“Did it work?” Natasha asked and Wanda nodded. “Yes. When she wakes up you’ll have your little girl back.” She said, smiling. Natasha hugged and thanked Wanda before placing you in your crib.

When you woke up, you had memories that you didn’t have before. You wanted to question it but you couldn’t. Something was stopping you. “How do you feel, Sweetheart?” Steve asked, interrupting your thoughts. “Good, Dada!” You said it on command as if you were programmed to do so. This was your life now. And your caregivers couldn’t be happier.

----

#dark!steve rogers x reader #dark!natasha romanoff #dark!bucky x reader #dark!bucky barnes #dark!steve rogers x little!reader #dark!bucky x little!reader #dark!natasha x reader #dark!natasha romanoff x little!reader #dark!steve rogers #dark!natasha romanoff x reader #dark!bucky barnes x reader #minors dni #dark!steve x reader

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imagineredwood · 3 years ago

Note

Can we send in d d l g esque requests? I just read that story BB rebloged with EZ so If I can, can I make an SDOD inspired HC for EZ where his girl and him got into a fight so they're not really speaking but he can tell that she had a rough day and just needs him to be that caretaker for her so he does. It's totally cool if you don't write stuff like that anymore, I was just wondering. Either way, love your writing. Not common to find work that latinas can fully submerge themselves in❤️

You can absolutely send in SDOD inspired requests! I have a soft spot for them actually lol Thanks for the request and I'm glad I could create content for you that you can identify with. Also, this got long af because it made me too soft and put me in a ✨mood ✨ 🥺

The fight was simple, nothing that was a deal-breaker or anything

Even still, you were both irritated with each other, neither able to see where the other was coming from

So rather than get to the point where either said something they couldn't take back, you decided to get some space

EZ stayed in the house of course, never one to leave you alone and unprotected no matter how upset he may be

But the two of you kept your distance from each other

EZ gone before you woke up

You leaving his dinner in the microwave and eating before he came home

It was slightly petty, something you both knew, but neither of you wanted to be the first to cave

So when you came home from work tired, aching, and needing comfort, you didn't go to him like you usually would

You stayed to yourself, just planning to work through it alone

EZ could tell as soon as he saw you though

He watched silently as you walked into the house, tossing your favorite purse over onto the counter carelessly

Your keys and phone getting dropped into the dish that you usually so gently placed them in

He watched as you took off your shoes and put down the rest of your stuff, wordlessly taking yourself to the bathroom to take a shower

The Mayan sighed, giving you some time while he contemplated following you in

He was your protector, your guardian, the one that you always depended on

He was the one that looked after you and babied you when you needed it and even when you didn't

But tonight you really needed it, that much was obvious, and he put down the TV remote, following after you

He found you standing at the edge of the bathtub silently, the water full but plain as you stripped down

No bubbles or scents like usual

Just plain clear water, and he ended the 3-day mutual silent treatment

"Don't get in yet. I have your bubbles here."

You turned toward him but said nothing, too tired to even be bratty enough to argue or deny him

He poured from the bottle and then sloshed his hand in the water, bubbles forming from the movement until the top was covered

He looked at you and then motioned to the water, his voice soft

"Get in."

Once again, you did not argue, simply climbing into the warm water and settling in, eyes tired as they looked up at EZ

"Thanks."

EZ nodded and then sat down on the edge of the tub, reaching over to hit the speaker that sat on the shelf, soothing sounds of nature flowing out

"Bad day?"

You only nodded at first, eyes downcast as you played around with the bubbles

"Yeah."

Your voice trembled slightly when you spoke and the sound of it had all traces of irritation leaving EZ's body, his only focus now being to take care of you

He reached for your face and took it in his hand, bringing you to look up at him, cheeks and lips squished

Your eyes were shiny and doe-like as they looked up at him, unable to hide your need for comfort, and just like that he was kneeling down beside the tub, reaching for your soap and your washcloth

"Come closer. Let me clean you up."

You leaned toward him and then sat there motionless, letting him lather you up

By the time he was done, you were nearly asleep, the water now cold and he gently stroked your chin to wake you up

"Let's get you out, baby. Come on."

You nodded and stood, words not coming easily to you in your state

EZ rinsed you off and then helped you climb out, wrapping you in your favorite fluffy towel and walking with you to the bedroom

Holding out your new panties for you to step into, sliding your pjs onto your body, slipping your cozy socks onto your bare feet

With you ready, his hands made their way down to rest on your hips, his eyes full of the warmth and tenderness you were used to

"Let's go make something quick for dinner. Whatever you want. Just no sweets; you need something balanced."

You laughed softly as your idea of french toast was shot down immediately and nodded, following EZ into the kitchen feeling much better already

General taglist

@piccasoe @ateliefloresdaprimavera @gemini0410 @woahitslucyylu @my-rosegold-soul @that-chick212 @everyhowlmarksthedead @glimmerglittergirl @elcococruz @fanaticfangurl21 @encounterthepast @iambabyharry @svintsandghosts @starrynite7114 @saturnsaree @multiyfandomgirl40 @destynelseclipsa @sadeyesgf @queenbeered @iamthegraham @emoengelfurleben @all-the-boys-to-the-yard @otomefromtheheart @rosieposie0624 @papa-geralt-of-cirilla @beeroses @weirdosandhopelessromantics @kola95 @black-repunzel99 @xonickibaby @cruzwalters

Mayans MC taglist

@dazzledamazon @abunnykisses @briana-mishell24 @angelreyesgirl @wrcn9fvlcver @peaches009 @capt-canadian @thesandbeneathmytoes @krysiewithak @darklingveracruz @appropriate-writers-name @cind-in-real-life @blessedboo @montanaraed @kkim120 @megapeacelovemusic-blog @emoengelfurleben @blowmymbackout @abby-splace @kola95 @black-repunzel99 @redpoodlern @xonickibaby @cruzwalters

EZ taglist

@justazzie @xonickibaby

#ez reyes #ez reyes x reader #mayans mc #wouldinclude #headcanons #ez x reader

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i-need-entertainment · 4 years ago

Text

Haikyuu!! Boys getting stuck places and having to ask you for help

Characters: Akaashi, Washio, Konoha, Kita, Suna, Ushijima, Yahaba, Iwaizumi, Futakuchi, Daishou, Numai and Iizuna

**Today has been pretty bad, but my sister, @foodacoochie gave me this idea and it made me giggle and inspired🥺🥺 thanks dude💙**

Warnings: Drugs in Washio’s but they’re for a surgery and being used responsibly and for pain, just the boys getting stuck and not being able to get out of places/things lol

Akaashi Keiji:

Akaashi had been over at your house, you guys were ‘chilling’ and what not, just wasting the Saturday away.

Your family had recently done some renovations on your house, and one of those renovations was changing all of the door nobs.

Your mom had called you downstairs to come talk to your grandmother on the phone.

You knew that you’d be on the phone for a while, so you told Akaashi to do whatever until you got back. You had been gone for 5 minutes when Akaashi needed to use the bathroom.

Luckily, you had one connected to your room!

He walked in the door, shutting it behind him before he froze at the small ‘click’ he heard.

Whipping around he immediately tried the door nob, only to groan when he realized it was locked.

From the outside.

You see, you had insisted on putting the door nob on yourself, but when you did so, you had managed to put the lock on the wrong side of the door.

And when you showed him what you did, he could distinctly remember you locking the *then open* door.

So as soon as he shut it, it locked.

He sighed as he shook his head. He had also distinctly remembered you telling him it would be at the very least 30 minutes before your grandmother would let you go, so he was going to be here awhile.

He did his business then sat on the edge of the bathtub, sitting and waiting until you came back upstairs.

When you came back up to your bedroom, you were surprised to not see Akaashi sitting on your bed where you had left him.

You softly called his name before hearing him sigh and a defeated sounding ‘in here’ from your bathroom.

You raised an eyebrow before trying the door nob, slapping a hand over your mouth when you realized you had locked the door.

Unable to hold in your giggles, you unlocked the door, almost snorting at the deadpan look your boyfriend gave you.

Washio Tatsuki:

**he may seem out of character, but it’s because he just got his wisdom teeth out, and as someone who has recently had that done, I know that for some people their personalities do a 180 switch**

Washio had just had his wisdom teeth removed.

At first his mom was going to take him home, but she had to go into work, so you offered to take care of him and take him home from his surgery.

When they walked Washio out into the waiting room, you hurriedly walked over to him, because as soon as the nurses let him go, he started to go down. Giggling when you struggled to hold him up.

Now, keep in mind, Washio is a big guy. He’s 6′2 with a broad build and lots of muscle, so he’s not exactly light.

Seeing as he had just had a major surgery, he was very doped up on drugs, and seeing Washio drugged up was nothing short of hilarious.

He was very clingy and very giggly, laughing at anything he found remotely amusing. A night and day difference from his usually calm and stoic demeanor.

After you somehow managed to get him in the car, you began to drive him back to his house.

You got to his house and pulled into the drive way.

Before you could help him out of the car, you had to make sure he had a clear path to the couch where he would be sitting.

You had left the keys in the ignition and the air conditioning on because it was a hot day, and let’s face it, he wasn’t going anywhere.

Walking back out to the car you went to open his door, only for the handle not to budge.

Your brows furrowed as you tried to open it, looking to the inside of the door only to see all of the doors locked.

...uh oh..

You knocked on the glass, gaining the attention of a very drowsy looking Washio who just lazily waved when he saw you.

You, who had no way to actually get to him, started frantically pointing to the unlock button, him looking at you like you had grown 3 heads.

He finally tried the door handle, only to find it didn’t open.

You could faintly make out the words ‘i’m stuck’, when he realized he was ‘stuck in the car’.

You watched as he grew more and more frustrated with the door not opening.

You were pointing to the unlock button, him then pressing every button except for the unlock button.

Thankfully, he pressed the window button, rolling it down so you could reach your hand in and unlock the door, finally being able to help him inside.

Konoha Akinori:

Not everyone knows this about your boyfriend, but he is very competitive.

He just so happens to have a younger sister, who is also very competitive.

On this particular day you had been over at his house, his sister had been in the living room with you guys when a movie about dancing or whatever came on.

Konoha jokingly scoffed when the ballerina did the splits, stating that “I could do that” while you rolled your eyes, but his sister laughed, “Yeah okay boomer.”

Glaring Konoha turned towards his sister, who simply narrowed her eyes back at him, “What was that?” She stood her ground, you nervously watching from the sidelines.

“Boomer, and I stand by it. You have the flexibility of an 80 year old man.” He narrowed his eyes at her before he laughed, standing up and walking to the middle of the floor.

Without any warning he, albeit slowly, fell into the splits, cringing when he got like 5 inches away, entire body shaking.

“s-see?” His sister was laughing as he stayed there, high pitched sounds of pain escaping him.

He, finding himself unable to stand or move for that matter, continued to suffer, heavily contemplating every decision he had ever made.

“y/N, hELp”

Kita Shinsuke:

Kita was very responsible, so you never had to worry about him getting himself into silly situations he couldn’t get himself out of.

But, everyone has their moments.

You and Kita were spending the day with his grandmother!

You guys had gone through old photo books, and made some desserts, now she wanted to teach you and Kita how to finger knit!

It seemed easy enough, and in no time you had gotten the hang of it and were on your way.

Kita however, was having a little more trouble.

He had gotten how to wrap it around his fingers and how to pull it but...

Somewhere along with way, he messed up.

And he messed up bad.

He didn’t really know how it happened, but before he was aware of it his fingers were caught in a tangled web of yarn, somehow he managed to knot both of his hands together, eye brows furrowed as he looked down to his hands.

You held in your laughter when you saw him, hopelessly caught in strings, as he tried to figure out how to get out of them.

It took 20 minutes and both you and granny to release him from his self-made prison.

He stuck to a different activity after that.

Suna Rintaro:

You had a big project coming up, but your boyfriend did not, and wanted to hang out with you.

You, who also wanted to hang out with him, let him as long as he let you work.

He promised he would cause no such distraction and be like a fly on the wall.

That doesn’t mean you believed him, but it was nice he made an effort.

Anyway, after just under an hour he got bored just scrolling through instagram.

So, he got up from his position on your bed and sauntered over to your vanity where he sat.

You didn’t pay him much mind, he was 16 so it’s not like you had to babysit him.

Er- you shouldn’t have to babysit him.

Fiddling around with the things on your desk, he stumbled across the small dish you kept your rings in.

There was one ring in particular that really stuck out to him.

It had a silver band and a dark blue gem, it was really pretty. He remembered you saying you didn’t wear it often, but he couldn’t remember why so he just shrugged and slipped it on his left middle finger.

He had been holding his hand up, looking at it, cause it really was a pretty ring.

All was fine, all was nice, until he tried to remove the ring. Then, some problems were presented.

The most prevalent of those problems being the ring was stuck, like really stuck.

And the second being he remembered why you didn’t wear the ring a lot, it was a size too small, for you.

So it was much too small for him.

Claiming defeat he called your name, defeatedly holding up his hand, and cringing as you called his name.

Ushijima Wakatoshi:

The team had finished practice and were fooling around in the locker room, making stupid bets and doing stupid things

Underestimating just how competitive (and curious) their captain was, Tendo and Yamagata bet 25 dollars Ushijima couldn’t get into a locker, Kawanishi and Shirabu each bet 35 dollars saying he could, and Reon bet 45 saying he would get stuck.

Being genuinely curious what would happen, and being heavily encouraged by his teammates, Semi found an empty locker, rigging it open before ushering the ace in.

It was quite small, and not a comfortable experience at all, but he was also never one to turn down a challenge.

So after some major manipulation and hitting his head, he got fully into the locker.

Tendo and Yamagata forked over their 25 dollars, imploring Reon to do the same before Reon shook his head.

“Let’s see if he can get out before I pay my money.”

All eyes were back on the ace, whose eye brows were furrowed in...concern.

He was stuck.

Bad.

Not wanting to face the wrath of the demon coach, they called the next best candidate to deal with this kind of situation, Ushijima’s girlfriend, you.

Your jaw dropped when Semi told you that your boyfriend was stuck in a locker because...hOw?!?!

Reon made a lot of money that day~

Yahaba Shigeru:

He had been over at your house and the two of you were taking a nap in your bed.

You had both since woken up, and were now on your phones.

You, still very sleepy, weren’t paying attention and before you or Yahaba could stop it your phone had slipped down the crack between your bed and the wall.

You groaned as you dragged your hand down your face, Yahaba, being the wonderful boyfriend he is, offered to get it for you.

He laid on his side as you used his phone to shine the flashlight down the side of your bed.

He stuck his arm down, but it was just barely too short.

Without realizing it he had slipped to the very small edge of the bed, inevitably slipping off only to be caught between the wall and your bed.

He groaned as he felt like he had been stuck to a wooden plank, unable to move any parts of his body.

You felt terrible, seeing as he had offered to get your phone for you and had proceeded to get himself stuck.

You grabbed his arm and shifted yourself to the opposite side of your bed, and after lots of tugging and sounds of pain from your boyfriend, you were able to roll him back onto the bed.

You rolled your eyes with a smile as he waved your phone in the air, a dorky smile on his lips as he had, despite being put in a very uncomfortable situation, managed to get your phone.

Iwaizumi Hajime:

Hanamaki had bought this bag of ‘tricks’ from the dollar store, for fun and what not.

One of the things that had been in there was a Chinese finger trap.

He brought a few of the things into his bag, hoping to trick at least one of the members.

But most of all he wanted to trick Iwaizumi, if nothing else he thought it would be funny.

So, when the Seijoh 3rd years met for lunch in the club room, and you, Iwiazumi’s girlfriend had of course joined them, he decided then was the perfect time to try.

“Yo, Iwaizumi! C’mere!” Iwaizumi, recognizing the teasing tone in Hanamaki’s voice, was instantly on guard, expecting something crazy to be suggested.

“What?” Hanamaki smiled, pulling the finger trap out of his bag, Iwaizumi looked at it, raising an eyebrow at the wing spiker.

“I heard no one has ever been able to put two fingers in this at the same time without getting trapped.” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, grabbing the trap from Hanamaki and mindlessly stuck on finger in each end of the trap.

Just a few seconds prior, you had looked over Hanamaki’s shoulder, recognizing the trap, but before you could warn your dear boyfriend, he had already stuck his fingers in the trap, and pulled it, tight.

“Hajime...do you know what that is?” He shook his head, eyebrows furrowing when he tried to pull his fingers out, only to have the trap get tighter.

“Hajime, it’s a Chinese finger trap!!” Iwaizumi’s eyes widened before he turned his head to glare at Hanamaki, curses ready on his tongue as Hanamaki and Matsukawa just about died of laughter, Kunimi snickering in the background.

It took 4 people and approximately 7 minutes to free him from the trap.

Futakuchi Kenji: **in tribute to my dear sister who locked herself out of her bathroom today🥰**

You and Futakuchi had gone to the beach with your family for the weekend, and the two of you were relaxing on the beach.

The beach had these lounge chairs, the ones that fold?

Well, you and Futakuchi were getting everything set up, he had just finished setting up the umbrella and you had laid out a large towel and set the bags down.

You guys both sat down and enjoyed the warm sun, and relaxed to the sound of the waves crashing on the shore.

About an hour later, Futakuchi decided he wanted a drink, and after asking what you wanted he left on his way.

Unknown to him, these chairs were really tricky.

They were good chairs and really comfortable, but you had to be careful how you sat in them.

After about 10 minutes he returned with the drinks, setting them down on the small cooler.

He went to sit on the lounge chair, expect that he more like flopped onto it, and before he could react the thing had snapped in two, you sitting up after hearing your boyfriend yelp.

You turned your head to see your boyfriend, squished in half by the lounge chair, with no signs of being freed.

After recruiting the help of your dad and a few kind passerby's, you were eventually able to free him of the lounge chair...

but that was after you took a picture and sent it to Aone.

Daishou Suguru:

You and Daishou had been on a date, nothing too fancy, just strolling around the city and what not.

You were just talking about random things when your eye spotted an empty park nearby.

You smirked as you nodded towards it, dragging your boyfriend towards it, you knew he couldn’t resist you if he tried.

You two were just fooling around, him chasing you around and you evading him like you both were 5 and it was ‘boys vs girls’ tag.

You had ran away from him when you spotted the set of toddler swings, y’know, those ones with the leg holes?

Yeah, those ones~

Anyway, you decided not to get in one because ✨danger✨

But your boyfriend took that as a challenge.

Without warning he grabbed the chains and jumped, sliding his legs through the very small holes and sinking into the seat.

You slapped his arm as you laughed, hand on your hip as you judgmentally looked at him.

“You’re gonna get stuck, there’s no way you’re getting out of that by yourself.”

He rolled his eyes, smirk still present on his face as he started to slowly swing back and forth.

You shook your head, shifting your weight to one leg as your arms crossed in front of your chest.

“Okay then, now try to get out.”

He rolled his eyes at your tone, grabbing the chains as he tried to pull himself up.

Only to bring the seat with him.

Your eyes widened as it set in, his smirk disappearing and his own eyes widening when he realized it as well.

He was stuck.

And at that moment, some of the Nekoma boys volleyball team members just happened to be passing by.

Kuroo’s laugh rang throughout the park as you desperately tried to free your boyfriend.

Numai Kazuma:

You and Numai were hanging out at your house, it was Halloween night and you guys were just gonna chill out and watch some movies and eat candy.

But before that, you guys were going to take your younger brother out trick or treating!

Your little brother decided he wanted to be a cowboy, and his outfit came with a pair of plastic handcuffs.

You were helping your little brother get his costume on while Numai messed around with the handcuffs.

He had latched one side onto the table leg, mindlessly scrolling through his phone as he fiddled with the cuffs.

He doesn’t know what came over him, but without thinking he latched the empty side of the handcuffs onto his wrist, tightly onto his wrist.

He didn’t think much of it, until it sunk in.

Had he really just done that??

You were fixing your brother’s costume when you heard your boyfriend call your name.

“Uh, Y/n?” You hummed, continuing to work on his costume.

“Where’s the key to the handcuffs?”

“Oh, they got thrown away with the package, that’s why I set them..over...there..Kazuma.”

You turned around to see him nervously smiling while his hand was indeed handcuffed to the coffee table.

You blanched as you remembered the trash had already been taken out, so they key was gone.

Glaring at your boyfriend you sighed, shaking your head before you started to laugh, hiding your mouth as you continued to laugh at his misfortune.

Eventually you did help him.

It took 3 tries and 4 different tools, but with the help of your dad you were able to get his wrist free of the handcuffs.

Iizuna Tsukasa:

Iizuna has 2 sisters.

1 older sister, and 1 younger sister (ayyyee middle children let’s go-)

You just so happened to be very good friends with your boyfriends sisters, and you guys often had a lot of fun together~

One of the wats you guys had fun was messing with your boyfriend.

Todays scheme: Dress Tsukasa up as a girl. Simply because you could.

And seeing as he lost a bet to you the other day, he couldn’t refuse it.

Luckily, his older sister had a dress she accidentally ordered in a size too big, it would still be snug on him, but it would do the job.

His older sister did his make up, you worked on his outfit as the youngest fixed his hair, him sitting through the whole ordeal trying not to take away too much trauma from it.

Leaving the room so he could change, you all patiently waited as he got changed into the dress, laughing at the pained noises he made as he slipped on the dress and shoes.

You couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of you as your boyfriend stumbled out of the room, heels way too small and dress uncomfortably tight.

You all snapped the pictures you needed and he sacrificed what was left of his dignity.

Waving off you three, he hobbled back into his room, kicking off the heels and attempting to pull the dress over his head.

I say attempting because as he tried to move his arms to grab it he made a very disturbing realization.

He couldn’t grab the hem of the dress...

he couldn’t even reach behind him.

He was stuck.

And the only ‘help’ he had was his sisters and his girlfriend.

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honkhonkrichard · 4 years ago

Text

Theory: Stanley Uris was Murdered.

Tagging @vvanini I hope you can follow this okay it’s very word vomity lol

Okay So TW because this post will touch on Stan's death ad the methods behind it

I propose that Stan Uris was murdered. by IT. In his home on that fateful night. I think that Stan posed the biggest threat to IT and therefore IT felt the need to take him out before the battle even started.

Allow me to explain.

Okay, so, I need to lay out some basic "rules" or "facts" before I make my case. They are as follows.

- IT planted it's roots in Derry, and finds it difficult to leave, but still can at it’s own wil. If you read the book (I honestly don't blame you if you haven't) You'd know that once the Losers kill IT for the final time, Derry (the Physical town) is obliterated. Buildings explode, sinkholes appear, things are flooded. The town is in ruins by the time that the Losers leave the sewers. The movies don't adapt this so If this is news to you thats fine. the bottom line is that destroying IT destroys Derry, like ripping a tree out of the ground with all it's roots. Because of this, we can make the claim that while it can Leave Derry (as it does every 27 years) it probably takes tremandous amount of power to do so, which is why IT only goes when the cycle is over. Why does this matter? Well, what if IT left Derry to get to Stan? The murders had stopped for about a week when they're all in the Jade of the Orient. Plenty of time for IT to cross from Maine to Georgia. Side Note: We KNOW IT leaevs Maine to elsewhere in the world because of King's extended universe all interconnecting. it's not far off at all to make the claim that IT is the same evil that haunts, say The Shining's Overlook Hotel, which is in Colarado.

- IT is omnipresent This is also a given, IT lives everywhere, and can fuck with time and space in godlike (or maybe eldritch like) ways. in IT: Chapter Two, when Mike claims "IT Doesn't know I know what I know" he's unfortunately wrong, because we know that IT can be in A) Multiple places at once, B) can manipulate anything on the drop of a hat (See: Stan being teleported away from everyone else in Chapter One, Everything about Neibolt, etc) and C) Knows everyone's deep fears. This is further proven by IT Saying things like "Beep Beep Richie" (although this is Horribly Horribly executed in the films, ugh.) and so on and so forth. On top of all of this, We can make the claim that IT can exist outside of Time as well, given that IT is immortal. SO, what's stopping IT from Knowing Mike was going to call them all back (Espically considering that IT TOLD Mike to do this?). Even if we keep IT's omnipresence to the location that IT inhabits (in this case Derry) IT would still have knowledge of where the losers are through Mike. And if you take the Lucky Seven/Chosen Seven route (oh my god I got theories on that too) you could argue IT knows where they are inherently due to their cosmic status.

- Stan is the "most Powerful" loser So, obviously all the Loser's are powerful, espically considering they're the ones who Defeat IT (Again going on to the Lucky/Chosen Seven theory). This next claim is going to be less focused on what the 2019/2017 Movies do because they are Bad Movies and that's a whole other rant. However, in the book, Stan is (to my knowledge feel free to correct me on any of this) the only loser to Actively ward off and 'defeat' IT on his own without running away. He uses his belief in this what is Real (birds) to ward off what is "not real" (IT). The other losers do manage to take down IT in their own Right, but Stan is ultimately the one to Really get IT. This is because Stan's character revolves around Belief and Willpower. These are, in some form or another, the ways to Defeat IT. the ritual of Chud is a battle of Wills. in the book, Bill takes IT down and Eddie does the final blow. In the Remake (ugh) the losers can defeat it Technically using the belief that IT isn't as powerful as it claims because IT's "just a clown" (Ihatethatfuckingendingsomuchugh). Stan being much more skeptical than the rest of the group in his ability to understand Reality vs IT's illusions is a powermove, and IT knows that ability doesn't go away as Stan grows up, but rather he gets more powerful. Stan is the Only loser out of the 6 who left that has any sort of knowledge about IT, where the other losers have nothing. Bev has nightmares, yes, but she still forgets them. We're told in his chapter (Chapter 3, Six Phone Calls (1985), Part One: Stanley Uris Takes a Bath) that he has some hazy knowledge of his place in the Lucky Seven, and even goes so far as to MENTION it sometimes, even if he doesn't quite remember or understand any of it, his knowledge of IT and Derry is worlds more prominent than that of the rest of the losers.

(page 52 of IT: "Stanley, nothing's wrong with your life!" "I don't mean from inside." he said. "From inside is fine. I'm talking about outside. Something that should be over and isn't. I wake up frmo these dreams and think, 'My whole pleasent life has been nothing but the eye of some storm I don't understand.' I'm afraid. But then it just... fades. The way dreams do." OR page 45: He had been smiling a little. Now the smile faltered, and for a moment he seemed puzzled. His eyes had darkened, as if he looked inward, consulting some interior device which ticked and whirred correctly but which, ultimately he understood no more than the average man understands the workings of the watch on his wrist. "The turtle couldn't help us," he said suddenly. he said that quite clearly.)

So, Stan has some cosmic knowledge of IT and Maturin and his role in the battle against It. What does any of this have to do with his death? Well, let me point out some other things about Stan's death that always stuck out to me. - His death chapter is narrated by his wife, Patty, rather than himself. The other chapters - almost all the other chapters - are narrated by their respective Loser (the caviot for this is Ben, but Ben is also wasted out of his damn mind so its understandable.) - Stan's personality is few and far between in the book, but we know he has a weird little sense of humour and that he's incredibly logical. I think that this logical part of him would be able to understand that Suicide is Never Ever the answer, and that it would cause FAR more problems than it would solve. (the 2019 movie tries to reexplain his death and it's crap and i hate the letters i hate the letters so much im gonna explode) The other losers try to rationalize his death by saying "He would rather Die Clean than Live Dirty (Page 506, Chapter 10, The Reunion, part 3, 'Ben Hanscom Gets Skinny') but he had already BEEN Dirty when he defeated IT the first time, and I think he would've recognized that. - upon finding him, Patty (in her narration) notes that Stan's head is bent back over the edge of the bathtub, so from his sight she would have been upside down. If Stan DID kill himself, why would he be positioned like that? It's unnatural, like someone Posed him. - the cuts on his arms are two length wise cuts. I'm no expert but.. that's suspicious. That's weird. - IT is written in blood on the wall. Why? Why would Stan right THAT of all things? You know who DOES like to paint with blood? IT.

Alright, returning to my thesis statement, Stanley Uris was murdered. Do I think Stan genuinely was going to take a bath at 7pm (which we're told is weird for him)? Yes. I think that's absolutely a thing he could have done or planned to do. Do I think he slit his wrists and commited suicide so he wouldn't go back to Derry? No. Not even remotely.

Let me paint a New Picture.

It's May 28th, 2016, or 1985. Stanley Uris gets a call from Mike Hanlon. Stan is incredibly hesitant to go to, and says he needs time to think about it. Or tht he'll try. He can feel the starts of a Panic attack, and as he's remembering the circles of Hell he went through as a child, he tries to hold himself together. He doesn't want his darling wife to see his break, so he says "I think I'll take a bath" and nothing else before going upstairs. he hides in the bathroom. He closes and locks the door, because, well, he's panicking. Locking doors is one of The Small things he does. Is it usually the bathroom door? no, but still (OCD is a bitch, and even with medication, but this is a special case). He looks in the mirror and tries to breathe. This is fine. He can do this. They killed IT once before and they can do it again. He thinks about his younger self, the promises made, and how he could explain all of this Patty in time to catch a flight to Maine. It's terrifying, but if his friends are going to bite the dust, he wants to be there with them, wedding vows be Damned. Then he looks at his reflection again. A younger, rotted version of himself stares back at him. IT crawls through the mirror. Stan freaks out, obviously. This isn't real. This Can't be real. But IT utilizes this notion against him. It digs it's claws into his arms, and forces him to bleed out in the bathtub. IT then sets the scene nicely. Razorblades on the counter, a bloody signature on the wall, a horrible posture of Stan's neck. So on and So forth. and then IT returns to Derry. IT's a little weak, yeah, but Stan is dead. That's what matters. the Lucky Seven has now Officially broken, and the balance shifts in favour of the clown.

So that's the theory. feel free to correct me on anything or engage I have plenty of theories on this story and I like discussing this stuff :).

#anyways #Stan #stanley uris #Stan uris #mine #Murder Theory #honktheory #thats a tag now I gues ??#pw #analysis #meta

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henqtic · 4 years ago

Text

"𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘏𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘚𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘎𝘰𝘰𝘥 ”

Summary: Draco making you feel better about your hair insecurities throughout your years at Hogwarts.

Word Count: 3.7k+

A/N-hey well this is the first fic I’ve ever written and I don’t think it’s too good but please leave some feedback I would really appreciate it :) just looking forward to improving, this story includes a black/POC reader I just feel that there’s not a lot of stories that actually include us yk ? Because I don’t think I’m able to just put my hair up in a messy bun and go out lol.//ALSO there's no Voldemort and some of the years/dates will be off but I don’t think that matters much in this story:)

masterlist // taglist form.

“It’s a toner” “for your hair”,she concluded in a way that was almost innocent but didn’t cover up the obvious amusement in her tone. Her box braids were flowing behind her, the two different colors blending together in a way to almost resemble Narcissa Malfoys. It was more of a Draco decision, he went on for months saying how if you got white hair you would look like an honorary Malfoy. Which he was already planning on making you sooner or later.

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“Darling your fascination with these muggle products is getting out of hand. Are you ill? Oh merlin, maybe it’s that muggle flu,”he said as he put a hand on your forehead.

In his defense he was actually worried about you.You owled him with a note that read

Dear Draco,

I think I’ve just found the best bloody gift ever,I was just walking around one of those muggle stores and found i! I don’t want to ruin the surprise but the I just thought of you when I saw it.

love, y/n.

He honestly expected a bag of green apples that you two shared a liking of but never in a million years did he expect you to show up with purple bottle labeled as “Purple Shampoo”.And what hurt most is that he was the first person you thought of when you looked at it.Of course he was the only platinum blonde you had seen with such bright hair, other than Luna Lovegood. But he was still deciding on if he should take offense or not.

“No Draco, I’m perfectly fine” You stated as you stated his hand away like a fly.“I just think that your hair may need a bit of toning to it.” You said as you looked at your boyfriend, he really did look beautiful in the sun.

The way the sun would bounce off of his skin and hair giving him this sort of glow.The way he ever so slightly had his eyes squinted because he could barely see when it was this bright outside.He was really a sight to see.He wore a faint smile that made your stomach erupt with butterflies every time you saw him, even now.

You told him that if he continued to bully Harry on how his glasses made him look like Dumbledore without a beard would come back to him.And of course it did.

You were sitting beside Draco under a tree at his family's manor.The sky had a few clouds but nonetheless it was sunny there were butterflies flying around and variations of colors of flowers all around you.You had helped Narcissa plant some of the flowers and it was nice to see how it all came out.

“I think my hair looks perfectly fine, why would I want to “tone it” He looked at you as if you had personally insulted his mother.

“Draco, darling, your hair is almost brighter than the sun” you said and you were so close to bursting out in laughter.

He looked at you faking an offended expression.

“Most likely stiffer than the grass we’re sitting on at this moment”

“oh that’s enough” at that moment he shifted his weight over to you and started to tickle you non stop.

“Please I’m sorry I take back all of my words” you said in out of breath tone.Your laugh was probably the best sound to him.

He continued with his antics, “say my hair is the most beautiful this world” it wasn't even a second thought to him to follow up with a,“other than yours of course” he always had a way of making you feel appreciated for the multiple ways you did your hair through out your school years and even now.

Fourth Year

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In the summer before your fourth year at hogwarts,you had decided that you wanted to try something new and get locs. It was something you always thought of but never really got the courage to do.

You always would just tell yourself “I think I’d miss my hair, even if doing it is a pain I’ll never stop loving it.”

That changed.Of course you’d missed your hair but getting locs, something you've been anticipating for a long time sounded a bit more exciting than doing your hair everyday.

It was finally the Gryffindor vs Slytherin quidditch game.Everyone had been looking forward to this.Every Slytherin, Gryffindor game always involved some sort of drama and it was the best.That day was nice up until it was completely and utterly ruined.

When the game was over Pansy Parkinson had shouted out to you and Angelina Johnson that your hair looked of worms.Angelina Johnson was probably the only Gryffindor you could put up with.Maybe it was because of the fact that she was an older black girl with her natural hair out and you desperately wanted tips on how to make yours look like hers.You and Angelina had quickly became friends in your first and her third year.She was more of a sister figure for you and when she went on about how nice Fred looked this year and the next you went on about how annoyingly hot Draco got third year She had teased you endlessly for it but you really couldn’t help it.

You didn’t know why it hurt so much coming from her but when that happened you were so close to crying.You were going to say something until Ginny Weasley said some very choice words to Pansy that left her as red as a tomato and she ran of the pitch.For someone with so much bark she absolutely no bight after that, you thanked Ginny and she responded with saying “There’s no reason to thank me Parkinson needed someone to finally give it to her” She then went up to Harry Potter and said he did good in the game.

“I don’t know if she knows her crush on him is obvious” You thought as you and Angelia walked back to the castle together planning on how to get Pansy back.

You heard the girl beside you try to stop a laugh from coming out so you just assumed you said that out loud.as always.

”Do you know what she has against you?”Angelina asked

Even though Pansy was in your house she never much liked you for some reason.

“I think it’s from first year when I slapped her hand off of my hair.” You laughed “She was playing with the beads as if they were some kind of toy”

“She absolutely deserved it!” Angelia responded with a laugh.

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Much to you and Angelina’s dismay someone had gotten to Pansy before you.She ran into the great hall shrieking and when you looked the first thing that came to mind was low quality Medusa.Her long thin black hair now replaced with black worms.Everyone in the great hall was laughing at her condition.Even many of the Slytherins you were surrounded by, it was almost sad how her own house didn’t like her. almost.

Why would she even come into the great hall looking like that? You thought out loud on accident.You really needed to work on that.It wasn’t much of a problem though, because many of your pupils next to you nodded mindlessly at your statement in agreement.

You had guessed Angelina had told Fred about the incident, he told McGonagall, or as he said Minnie (you didn’t know how he even got to that level),and she must have informed the other teachers.

She ran out of the great hall when she noticed no one not even a teacher was going to help her.Not even her own head of house, it was nice to know that Snape was on your side on this you felt pretty bad now when in class all you thought about was how greasy his hair was and how you should probably anonymously drop off some shampoo for him.

“Hey maybe I should tell the twins about that one.Nope y/n you are a nice person who does nice things you thought as you tried to remove the voice that told you that’s Snape would mostly likely like some Muggle Brand “Head and Shoulders Shampoo” Although you’d never be caught dead using it, it could never hurt to try it on someone else.y/n stop.Nice thoughts.”Oh but imagine him trying to put his hair up and the hair tie is too greasy to ho-” You decided to turn your attention to something more valuable at that point.

The real question was who had done it.You turned over to the Gryffindor table.Your back had been facing Angelina’s.You two always did this seeing as many students at school didn’t know that touching someone’s hair randomly without even asking was weird.Angelina had found a solution saying “We should sit with our backs facing each other,Then no one from the other table can random tug at our hair.” You agreed to the idea saying that it was brilliant.

You asked with a giddy expression asking her “did you do it without me?”

She shook her head and said “no maybe it was Fred or George”.

You would’ve thought that the girl was drugged up on love potion seeing how easily she forgot what she was about to ask and looked at Fred with heart eyes going on about a completely different topic.

You rolled your eyes with a smile and looked around the great hall and your eyes landed on him.He was already looking at you.Your hair.You made the decision of adding gold accessories to it today. Angelina had had a long talk with you saying how “Parkinson was only jealous because the last remotely good hairstyle she had was the bob in your third year” You decided that you still wanted to add something to your hair to make yourself feel better.Not for the acceptance of the others and how they think your hair “should look”.

When he finally looked into your eyes you raised your eyebrows in expectance.You were almost waiting for him to say some sort of mean comment about you.

The truth was Draco was absolutely enthralled by you.He liked how when in first year you came into school with your hair in braids and beads of light brown, dark brown, and white beads.He liked when in second year you started to wear your hair out more often.The way it would always smell of Shea or Coconut.

But who was he to go up to a random person who barely knew him and say “oh your hair smells really nice”

He noticed how other kids would sometimes touch your hair and you obviously didn’t like that.You noticed that Draco wasn’t going to make some sort of mean comment you realized it was him who did it.You mouthed a “thank you” with a grateful smile and Draco nodded and smiled warmly.

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Weird thing is Draco probably gained his crush on you when he said saw that you two had both used an excessive amount of gel in your hair.

It was a dark time, second year, for you, and your hair, where slick backs were the only real things you knew how to do to style your hair.You wanted so badly to be like the other girls in your house who don’t even have to try with getting their hair up in the morning.Draco didn't mind though.

He liked when in third year you decided to wear your hair in an afro. He hated when he found you in a corner crying because some slytherin boys had said how your hair was “Worse than poor mudblood Grangers”.

Third Year

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He liked when he made up a story to his father and got the boys detention in the forbidden forest with Hagrid.He liked when he charmed a butterfly hair clip that he had charmed to flutter it's wings and left it on the outside of your dorm door.He had hoped none of your roommates would get to it before you did.

As he walked down the stairs and said in almost incoherent tone “They better not bloody get to it before her. What idiot would possibly think a flat golden butterfly clip y/n’s favorite animal was theirs? Merlin and who in their right mind would think that a baby blue box with the name y/n on it in golden letters was theirs?”

“Honestly” he scoffed as he continued down the steps he was met with Blaise Zambini’s wide grin.They walked side by side in silence until Blaise spoke up.

“Mate you’re absolutely whipped, sneaking to her dorm before she wakes up to drop off a clip?” He turned over to Draco and was met with a scowl that looked like it could kill.It didn’t phase him though and he continued with a wide grin.

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Blaise had known his friend had some infatuation with the girl ever since their second year when y/n passed by them and Draco leaned over and asked in an anxious tone,”Hey Blaise do ya think it'd be weird to tell someone their hair smells good”.

They had been working on finishing their potions essay and when he looked up he was met with a sight of his friends head in his hand as he admired you from across the common room.

Blaise obviously didn't want him to ruin his chance before he even got one, he smirked and answered with,”Mate.Yes.Don’t do that.” He looked over at Draco in a side eye way.Of course Draco didn’t notice he was too busy staring at you as you talked with Daphne Greengrass about with boy you think is the cutest at Hogwarts.He was trying to get closer to hear your response, in the process almost tipping over his ink. Blaise grabbed the ink swiftly and said in a stern tone ”I’m not kidding, that’d be bloody weird.”

“Right, it would be” he said in an almost dazed tone as he shook his head and went back to writing his potions essay.

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He liked you when you walked into the great hall ten minutes late with your group of friends.You had a slicked back ponytail with the clip right on the right side of it.

He liked you when he heard you say to your friends “Godric I’m telling you guys I love the person who gave me this clip” You said as you took the clip out your hair with a bright smile that in Draco’s opinion could make guy swoon “and get this the wings move, isn’t that brilliant?”

He was overjoyed that you seemed to enjoy the new presence of the butterfly clip.Blaise nudged him and widened his eyes.Draco finally got out of his daze and noticed you gave him a smile he quickly smiled back and looked down trying to hide the blush on his face as he looked down at his plate.

He could hear Blaise snickering on the side of him muttering something about “its sad you can’t just tell her already”

Fifth Year

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Draco was never the guy on the other end of the bullying but when Profferer Moody had transformed him into a ferret he was completely humiliated.He quickly responded with a harsh “My father will hear about this!”

That’s when he noticed you at the front of the crowd with almost tears in your eyes as you told McGonogall what happened.You really did always look perfect in his eyes.Your melanated skin was shining in the sun practically counting off the sun and that shimmering butterfly clip halfway flying around on your hair.Something about you just couldn’t stop Draco from looking admiring you.He decided to run and probably go hide somewhere from all of the humiliation.He was running so fast probably crying at this point over what happened that he couldn’t even hear some footsteps following him and few minutes later.

He was sitting down in some old nook in the castle crying of humiliation. Muttering words of “How dare he stick me down of all people bloody Crabbe’s pants” and “Godric in front of her too”.

He could barely hear the small and careful “Hi” you gave to him.

He quickly looked up with a harsh glare and when he noticed it was you his eyes softened and he responded with a small “Hey”.He then put his face back into his hands hoping that you would just go away. Even if he wanted you to stay.

“Merlin, she really is seeing me like this,” He thought.

He felt her sit by him and their legs practically touching.When she touched he flinched a bit at the contact.His father and mother did love him but his dad Lucius didn’t exactly show it through physical touch and he obviously couldn’t get his mum to come to the school and give him some kind of goodnight hug could he?

“Oh I’m sorry,I probably shouldn’t have done that,” She spoke in a rushed and apologetic tone as she started to move over to give him space.

“No you’re fine just not used to it is all” y/n felt herself saddened at those words and took it as an invitation to grab one of his hands and lace their fingers together.

At this point Draco felt like he was going to explode and even if his hands were wet from his tears he wasn’t about to pull his hand away.”Um, Draco, I just wanted to say that Moody had no right doing that” “Teachers aren’t even aloud to that here, even though you were coming after potter no one deserves that.

“Thanks for coming to comfort me, it really erm, means a lot from you” He said as he looked down at your hands the paleness of his and the brown tones of your contrasting against each other. The sight really did make his stomach erupt with butterflies but all Draco could come up with was he felt sick but a good sick.The girl he liked didn’t laugh at him when he got turned into a bloody ferret and she actually took the time to check up on him. That was enough for him.

“I’m happy it does” you said as you looked foward with a small content smile.They sat in a comfortable silence for a few seconds before y/n spoke “If it means anything,I think you make an adorable ferret” y/n said with a small laugh.Draco let out a breathy laugh and before he could even think he blurted out “Your hair smells really nice”

Really Draco he thought you get her to sit next. to you, hold your hand, and you told her hair smells good?? Why can’t we just listen to Blaise Godric wha-” His racing thoughts were interrupted by y/n.

“Oh-Um well thank you” She responded with a small nod and a content smile and she knew this was the time.She turned to the boy beside her and said “you were the ones to get those boys detention for me right”

Draco looked up at her for the first time since she sat down eyes red and wide.He became a rambling mess and started to awkwardly state, “Well erm y-you know I just thought they deserved it b-becau-”

“And I’m also assuming you’re the one to give this clip?” She interrupted with the brightest smile her and Draco now looking at each other.

“Well erm-yes” he said meekly. He was still holding your hand resisting the urge to look down at them forever.

“How’d you know?” You said eagerly. Draco looked at you a bit confused until you said “How’d you know that a butterfly is my favorite animal?”

Draco started to gain some confidence and said “Well I had been having a bloody crush on you since first year so I thought it was only appropriate to know your favorite animal at least ” He hadn’t noticed what he had just revealed as he continued to tell y/n things.“I’m really sorry about the hair comment too” He rambled “It's just that I've been waiting to get that compliment in since second year.” He mumbled in a way that was almost too low to hear then spoke up,“Blaise told me it was rather odd and that I shouldn’t tell you th-”

That’s when he noticed her face.As if he hadn’t been admiring her for the past five years of his school life.She wore a look that was giving off all different kinds of emotions but the one that was mainly seen was happiness and appreciation.

“Godric no” y/n breathed out “I think that’s the best sort of compliment I could get” Draco looked at her brightly then she continued “and well” She started looking down at their entangled hands “I’ve liked you for a long time too” “If you wanted to know” She looked up at him and he was in a sort of shock? It was like he was waiting for her to say “only joking” and run away like one of the weasels.but she didn’t.

“Draco” She said in a singsong tone as she waved a hand in front of his now almost red face.

“Merlin” he breathed out with the brightest smile he could make “Well in that case IwaswonderingifyouwouldliketgotoHogsmeadewithme” He said in the fasted way he could ready to repeat it before she chirped back a quick, “Yes! Of Course!”

“I-” Draco started to repeat, “Wait you understood that?” He spoke back with an inquisitive look.

“I mean if you don’t want me to say yes-” She teased with a sly grin.

“No,I mean yes,I like that you like me and that you’re going to go to Hogsmeade with me,” he affirmed in a rushed manner.

“Perfect!” She responded “How about we go clean you up then yea?”

“Right, that’ll be for the best,” he said with a small smile.

They shyly held hands the rest of the way walking to the prefects bathrooms and y/n helped clean up Draco. They finally talked with one another and Draco finally got the girl he was going after for five years.

Present Time

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“Fine fine alright” You sighed in defeat.

“Draco Malfoy your hair is THE most beautiful thing in this world.”

He had stop attacking you at this point and you two were in a criss cross position in front of each other, you were holding his face in both of your hands and the both of you were smiling like absolute idiots.

He looked at your with a grin that he was failing at trying to hide with a pointed expression.

You rolled your eyes and said “except for mine of course”

Draco Malfoy was by far the most dramatic person you’ve ever met in your life.

One day you were in a bookshop and told him that if he went to a muggle school he would be an spectacular theatre kid.Draco for some reason had taken that to great offense and went on saying how “his own bloody girlfriend doesn’t love him” and how “she thinks I’d be in some sort of theatrical arts like Pottah and his unruly ballet”

You honestly didn’t know if Draco was trying to be funny on purpose sometimes or if the things he said just flowed out like silk unlike his hair.

Now you sat under the big tree in the Malfoy Manor garden with Draco’s head on your lap, taking about how just because the conditioner is apple scented it doesn't make it any less bad for your hair.

A/N- hey lol, Anyways this is my first fic. I would really like any constructive criticism, anything you noticed off, or anything that you think needs improvements.I really haven't written anything non school related in a long time and I really want to get back into it :)

Also it might just be me but if any one gave a comment on my hair and it included “your hair smells good” I would just dies on spot.maybe that's just me lol.Lastly, if you didn’t know I based using a bunch of gel in your in a second year off of myself lol so let’s just say my hair was not the best.Anyways have a good night or day <3

#draco fluff #draco malfoy x poc #draco malfoy #angelina johnson #pansy parkinson #slytherin reader #blaise #blaise zambini #harry potter #draco x yn #draco x slytherin!reader #draco x you #draco imagine #narcissa malfoy #draco imagines #harry potter fluff #draco x poc reader #malfoy

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peeterparkr · 4 years ago

Text

perennial;tom holland|four.

chapter four: yellow carnation

↳ flower meaning: disappointment

chapter summary: the one with the denial.

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings: angsty, mentions of sex, swearing, lol cherry

word count: 8k

SOCIAL MEDIA BEFORE THE CHAPTER:

masterlist & profiles three: in which y/n and Emma thought it would be a good day.

previous chapter next chapter perennial masterlist.

perfidy ( series masterlist)

wanna be tagged?

“So you saw Emma?” Harry asked, for the third time.

Harry and Tom were both certain they had both fucked up. Different context, same type of concept of idiocy.

Tom was an idiot.

Harry was an idiot.

But Harry was more aware that Tom was even more of an idiot than he was.

Tom thought so, too.

That was the only thing he was certain of at the moment. He had screwed up so many times before but he really didn’t want to this time. Not that he had meant to the last times but this time he was going to make sure he wouldn’t fuck it up.

Though, he was confused. Very, very confused. As to why he’d gotten the reaction he’d gotten. It seems ironic, even. But he had missed her. So, so, so much.

He hadn’t realized how much he had missed her perfume. Something so simple, but so powerful. A scent he’d never be able to ever forget.

He had imagined it differently, honestly, their encounter. He thought it would’ve been nicer or prettier. Instead, it was chaotic. Not poetic.

Tom had fucked up, he knew that. Not this one time. Well, maybe this one time. Maybe this other time, too. Had they run out of chances? Because Tom had fucked up the first time, she had fucked up the second time.

But they’d been building up this one relationship that was so chaotic, that was so different. Maybe that’s why it had been so hard.

Tom had been through breakups before but none of them had felt like this one, not even when he’d given her the third yellow flowers. It was so confusing, to think you’d give out your heart completely when they were just there to hurt you. He’d been hurt before but not like this. Not this breathtaking, piercing pain. Pain that didn’t go away.

Now Tom knew how it felt, how it felt to be told that your body is physically healthy but your heart is so broken that your body is bringing you down.

But he missed her too much to even think about that. He had forgiven her, in some kind of way. He knew that she’d be the medicine.

He’d forgiven her, in a way. In the way that he needed to be with her to work it out.

Though he was still nervous about it. Especially because of Tim.

That bothered him the most. She’d run away from him. Leaving it all behind. But he had heard her. He probably didn’t have to worry, right?

He had brought the letter.

He had probably memorized every line by now. Probably to use it as some kind of weapon-No, they had to stop thinking of it as a weapon. But it was his backup, using her own words to get to her.

He had read the script now. That was the only proof he needed. He thought. Because there was that constant thought in his head, Timmy.

Tom hated Tim for many reasons, but the main one was that Tim had taken the chance TOm had let go off after that club night. He couldn’t hate him for making y/n so happy but he hated him because Tom knew that was supposed to be him. Now he hated him more because if he had proposed it meant he wanted to keep y/n forever.

He remembered how y/n was when Tim had been around, back when they were dating. As if y/n was in some sort of charm. One single look and he’d made y/n blush, and smile.

Tom and Harry were pitying themselves on a bar, a beer in their hands.

“Yes, I saw Emma,” Tom said.

“Did she ask about me?”

“No.”

Harry sighed.

“Y/N didn’t want to talk to me, but she was--” Tom gulped. “Kind of swooning over me before she saw I arrived.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “I told you not to go.”

“Why not? You were going to look out for Emma!”

“But I didn’t! Because it was stupid! It was clear they weren’t happy we were there!” Harry rolled his eyes.

“But why not?”

“She bloody fainted!” Harry pointed out.

Tom chuckled, but Harry glared at him.

“I’m sorry, but it’s cause, I just… Fuck I had missed her and she looked so pretty and-”

“Tom.”

“I thought she’d be happy to see me!” Tom said cockily.

Harry was getting tired of his brother.

“I mean she technically was happy right?” Tom asked.

“No,” Harry rolled his eyes.

“but… Why didn’t she… I thought she’d be happy we’d be directing it,” Tom pointed out. “She says we’ll end up ruining it.”

Harry sighed heavily.. “Honestly we didn’t think this through.”

“But it was the only way to see them,” Tom snapped.

Harry rolled his eyes, “No it wasn’t.”

“And fuck, okay, Emma didn’t tell me anything about Tim.”

“Why do you care so much about him?” Harry asked.

Because he was jealous. So, so jealous. Always been jealous. Because Timmy managed to get the girl before he did.

“He looks like some stupid Victorian boy and he’s not even hot and yet he had y/n drooling over him, and this is the fucking second time that when things are screwed with y/n he takes the chance to make her happy.”

Harry watched him. “Huh, so you’re jealous.”

“Yes,” Tom hissed.

“Why are you even jealous--?”

“Because I can be, first thing she did was run back to her ex, that’s so fucking stupid,”Tom pointed out.

“As far as I know he was the only one to reach out for her to see if she’s okay,” He said.

Tom clenched his jaw. Well, was he supposed to reach out? But Tom hadn’t run to any of his exes, because that’s not what he was supposed to do.

“And honestly, I think it’s coincidental, even James said it,” Harry pushed. “She didn’t run to him, Tim offered her to run away with him, she didn’t, she ran after her dream. He’s just her roommate.”

Tom wasn’t happy about this statement. Yes, of course he knew that but Tim was still … He didn’t want to see it. No.

“I—I am just angry that y/n wasn’t happy because I’ve been—dying to see her okay? It’s so stupid.”

“You are stupid, may I remind you about Cherry?” Harry asked.

Tom hadn’t been making the best decisions, either. The heart often fucks up especially when it's hurt. The heart tends to be louder than the mind, and it’s irrational. He hadn’t been reasoning. He regretted many decisions he had made. That last decision was haunting him, that one particular decision.

The heart is stupid. The heart is very stupid. Tom was even more stupid. When one's heart feels lonely it tends to search for something that feels like love in places where it seems easy. Some go for drinks in a late night pub, others shut themselves from the dark. Others try to soothe the pain by trying to ignore it. Some listen to music, others ignore. We all deal with heartbreak differently, with your head under water, we all try to find our own way of trying to get out, though we truly don’t.

Tom had reached out for love when someone had offered a trial for love, without feeling anything. A free pass, if you may. Someone who didn’t ask for anything in return because they wouldn’t give anything either.

It’s not love, though. It’s not love. It’s not love, but it’s good enough to make the heart feel like it’s complete, to cease the crying or to change the feeling . Trying to find their faces in places where it’s less likely to see it. Something remotely close to warm the heart, something that can make us feel like we’re fooling our heart, trick ourselves into believing we’re happy. Trying to get some sort of happiness, even if it’s only a hoax for just a few hours. To make our bodies warm, and trick one’s mind into thinking it’s pleasure. He hadn’t meant it, but he really needed a reason to keep his mind off y/n, and the closest thing had presented itself. With no strings attached offered, with only that offer of blowing his mind enough to forget about his sorrow. But one must be careful with one’s lies and one must be careful because you really can’t fool the heart.

You can’t try to mend it with something that looks like love, it’s like trying to glue it back with barely anything that can make it stick, like trying to glue something with dirt, it only makes it hurt more. When one is broken, we don’t see it, but what Tom had done with his heart had only made it worse, hurting it even more. When one is brokenhearted the heart tends to try and make it good, but this had only made it bad.

Tom had slept with Cherry. Yes, that was the truth. It had been a mistake of a series of unfortunate decisions.

Cherry.

“It was stupid,” Tom said. “I… I feel so bad about it.”

And he did. But it had been so… easy. It was so simple, so so simple. Cherry was well aware that she had been a ‘rebound’ of sorts. Honestly, she was looking for a rebound of her own. It had been their agreement, hanging out. But it seemed like one shouldn’t play with fire, playing with two broken hearts is very very risky. But you know when one is lonely and confused and angry and then the dark comes and the way that her body moved and the way that she wouldn’t hurt him, they’d come up that far. He never knew it would lead there.

Tom had slept with Cherry. Yes, that was the truth. Tom had fucked it up the most, that was no surprise. But his mistake had only made both of them realize that it had been a clear dumb mistake.

Tom had slept with Cherry. Yes, that was the truth. Only once, though. But there were a lot of things to consider. A friendship of two broken hearts, of two hearts that still remembered someone they loved.

It was easy for Cherry, and it was different.

It had been very immature and stupid. But Tom had missed y/n’s lips, y/n’s delicate fingers walking down his body, or the way that she’d smile against her neck, and the way she’d place her forehead against his. The way he’d get butterflies when they were going after the thousandth kiss.

Maybe that had been the closest thing he could get to.

Tom didn’t know why he had slept with Cherry, though he hadn’t… It had been pathetic, honestly. He didn’t know why he let himself do that. Sure, at the beginning it felt fine. As a new adventure, a new person that didn’t know anything about it. But he ignored it, at first. Her flirting. He had said it was only a friend. And then they kept hanging out, more and more. And suddenly he was taking off her shirt and kissing his way down her body.

But he hadn't stopped thinking about y/n, that had been the problem.

All the damned time, and it gave him a lot of time to think about them, the whole idea of ‘Tom and y/n’. Y/N was crazy, Tom was an asshole. And time after time, their pride and their immaturity won, over and over. Maybe love or something quite similar to love had sentenced them to fall.

But he missed her, and not even cold showers could make her memory go. Tom thought about it, maybe it was too stupid to even think about it. Tom and y/n.

But her memory haunted him each night, and even if it didn’t make any sense, even if they were meant to fall, y/n was his best mistake.

It felt like a different time, and Cherry had pointed it out. “You’re always expecting a call.”

He did. And it didn’t make any sense, if he was trying to get over y/n, then why was y/n always in his mind? Why was he always expecting to listen to her voice? It was so pathetic, if he was starting out something new… If he was faking his happiness, why didn’t he feel happy? Why did he still miss her so much?

And he had wanted to call, but he was too proud to do it. What would he even say? Because he never got to say goodbye, because he never got to say he was sorry. Because he never really got to say that it didn’t matter.

But maybe ‘y/n and Tom’ wasn’t logical.

Harry frowned. “Yeah.”

“I’m just… She can’t know about it,” Tom said. “I’ll find a way to tell her.”

Harry watched him, “maybe it wasn’t the best idea to direct her script.”

“I just—I wanted to find a way back to her.”

“If you had just listened to me,” Harry rolled his eyes. “I know y/n, she probably wanted you to show up in the rain with a thousand roses—“

“Yellow flowers.”

“Yellow flowers whatever, but she probably wanted you to stand there shaking in the rain—“

“It’s not raining—“Tom interrupted again.

Harry took a deep breathe. “She probably only wanted you to run after her and love her and have some big romantic movie gesture, a film like moment, like the ones in her script where William runs over to her and they dance under the rain—“

“But she told me not to come here.”

“She didn’t fucking mean it, or not… Yes, she wanted to heal but then you should’ve reached out to her!”

“I just wanted to be a big part of her dream you know?” Tom looked away.

Harry was so stressed about it. “I told you that if you bloody wanted to do something with her script just to audition for it.”

“She’s not only angry about the script,” Tom said. “I know her.”

“You know her now?” Harry scoffed

“If I’ve learned something about her is to know what she’s pissed for and she’s not only pissed about me directing,” Tom snapped. “There’s something else bothering her.”

Harry scoffed.

“What?” Tom frowned.

“You’re going to get away with it, again,” Harry pushed.

“What?”

“Please, Tom you’re not the one in trouble,” Harry frowned. “Can you stop talking about y/n for five minutes please?”

“What do you mean I’m not the one in trouble?” Tom frowned.

“Because it’s you and her,” Harry stated, as if the statement alone explained everything.

“What?”

Harry sighed heavily as he ran a hand through his face. He downed the beer in front of him and then turned to his older brother. “Please Tom, I’ve seen this story before it’ll only take you to make her laugh once and she’ll run back to you and she will be swooning over you that’s how you work, you fight, you bully each other, you fucking get into a big argument, she gets angry you get cocky, you smile at her one and she’ll be on her bed listening to a song that reminds her of you and then you’ll be okay! She’ll be back in love with you into that endless cycle.”

Tom listened and frowned. “That’s not true.”

“Yes it’s true, she’s so deeply in love with you that it won’t matter whatever happens she’ll end up running back to you, especially now that she knows you love her,” Harrys said. “I just.. now my problem is that my ex fiancé doesn’t even want to talk to me and I fucked up with her so badly and I’m an idiot because I let the best thing that’s ever happened to me for… someone who-”

“You have it easier.”

“No, I don’t,” Harry snapped. “I love Emma, and I’m an idiot and… And I’m I don’t even know if y/n told her I kissed her which would only make things worse because I-”

“Why… why did she give the ring back?” Tom asked, interrupting his brother again.

Harry looked away. Tom had seen that Harry had avoided that question over and over.

“Because I’m an idiot,” Harry snapped. His eyes were glazed now as he avoided his brother’s glance. “I’m an idiot because when she asked me about it… About how I felt about y/n… and I said I didn’t know.”

Tom stayed quiet.

“And she asked if I would’ve married her instead, and I stayed quiet,” Harry recalled, looking down. “I should’ve kissed her right there and then.”

Tom kept quiet.

“And—I don’t even remember how the conversation went. I just know I broke her heart because I was too confused for my own sake,” Harry admitted.

“I dunno what to tell you, man,” Tom said. “I'm not exactly the best at—“

“And I still have to get used to this, you know? You and y/n.”

“There’s not even anything going on,” Tom recalled. “But you and Emma have more hope.”

“No, because unlike y/n, Emma did run away,” Harry reminded him. “Unlike y/n, Emma didn’t have a reason to leave and she searched for it, Emma did give up on me.”

“You think it’s lost?” Tom asked. “Because I don’t.”

“Dunno,” Harry said. “I want to test the waters and try to fix the fixable.”

“Which is?”

“My friendship with y/n, and I know that if I manage to win her back as a friend she’ll help me out with Emma.”

Tom sighed. “But what about--?”

“Look, I’ll see what she says, just don’t try to ruin it, okay? If she doesn’t want to talk to you right now, don’t push it,” Harry warned. “We will see it tomorrow, how she reacts this time.”

“How do you think she’s doing?” Tom asked.

Girls wanna have fun. You know? Yet, y/n and Emma didn’t want any fun that night. How could they? The day had been utter bullshit. Y/N and Emma had stayed with her aunt. Y/N had left some clothes with her aunt so she could stay some nights there. And she had decided that that night was the perfect night to stay there, she didn’t need to do this to her heart. Seeing Timothée would only bring Y/N’s heart more sore. She didn’t need that.

Her mind kept going back to Cherry, she hadn’t really addressed it, what she knew that her aunt knew the answer to. Her aunt hadn’t said anything about before, really.

But it didn’t matter that night.

“Girls I won’t let you pity yourselves all night crying over men, alright?” Eliza said.

Emma, laying down on the couch upside down, nibbling on the popcorn y/n had in her hands looked up and laughed.

Y/N was on the floor, right beside Emma, too emotionally drained from the past 24 hours. She didn’t want to even look up.

“You see,” Emma said. “I’m not crying, I’m in denial,” Emma explained. “And I can’t believe they’d show up.”

“I can’t believe I’m still swooning over him,” Y/N said. “I don’t understand it, like… He showed up and I just wanted to kiss his entire face.”

Eliza sat down in front of them and chuckled to herself. “Girls, you can’t be like this.”

“It’s cause he… He dared to do this, and I’m angry because I’ve cried over him so many times in my life, and I thought I had made up my mind already that I wouldn’t… That I’d be over him, And just look at me! I’m still so...smittened, like I can’t believe that I just… I just feel this way and literally if I see him tomorrow and he fucking dares to smile at me like that again I’ll run to his arms and…I just wish I had never let him go, I feel like an idiot for leaving, but then again, I had a reason right? I was angry and I was sad and he was too,” She rubbed her face. “But then but but… Here’s the thing,” y/n stood up.

“Oh, god, she’s gonna monologue,” Emma sat up to lay down on the couch. Eliza gave Emma a knowing look and chuckled.

“Emma!” Y/N chuckled. “ I don’t understand this, I can’t… I can't. Why don’t I have any self control? Like literally when he touched my face I was about to-”

“Yes I saw, you were about to open your legs right there and let him do anything to you,” Emma pointed out.

Eliza laughed.

“That’s not-”Y/N blushed, letting out a shy snicker. “Emma!”

“Please, y/n, you have no self control I know that tomorrow you’ll end up making out with him,” Emma said. “And I can't blame you because I saw him and I just wanted to forget everything and I actually imagined my life beside him and—“

“Girls—“Eliza tried to interrupt again.

“And now I have—Flowers. Flowers?” Y/n sighed. “Pink and yellow peonies, he had to choose peonies? And now what the hell am I supposed to tell Tim?”

Emma chuckled. “Listening to your misery y/n is making me feel better, I thought I was fucked but at least my problem is a one thing problem,” Emma laughed.

“I hate you,” y/n rolled her eyes. “Are you still in denial or do you want to talk about it?”

“Still in denial,” she winked at y/n. “do you have ice cream El? Never had ice cream and wine before, is there any ice cream?” Emma asked as she walked to the kitchen opening the fridge, welcomed by all kinds of organic food. But she found an ice cream, or a sort of ice cream.

Y/N laughed. “What the hell am I going to do?”

“Well,” Eliza sighed as she walked over and sat beside y/n, as now Emma plopped herself on the single couch as she took a big spoonful of the ice cream pint. “What does your heart tell you?”

“Give up and go to Greece,” y/n laughed.

Eliza chuckled, as she hugged her legs, watching her niece. Expecting her to elaborate.

“I don’t know, you know they say time heals but I’m still hurting so much, but--” Y/N sighed. “It’s strange.”

“Love is strange,” Eliza acknowledged. “Think of it as a-”

“Flower?” Emma asked.

“No,” Eliza sighed. “Think of it as if someone is weaving in your heart, and sometimes the heart is senseless, and irrational, and they keep weaving, or knitting , they knit their way to imprint in your life. That’s why they stay there.”

“Tom didn’t knit or weave he used a bloody industrial sewing machine and then stapled himself and then industrial glued himself and then with cement and—“

“We get the point y/n,” Emma smirked. “Tom basically owns your heart.”

“Yeah.”

“What I see in both of you is that both of your hearts have a surplus of love,” Eliza said.

Y/N looked up.

“You girls were ready to love more for more time , your hearts were prepared to stay in love for a longer time and to give them both so much love and even though the time spent with both of them left your hearts weaved so kindly...now they ripped it apart so, it’s understandable, to feel that way. Like a ripped old unused cardigan.”

Emma sighed. “Yes, but being angry and in love?”

“Being angry doesn’t cancel love, dear,”Eliza explained. “Whenever we get into a fights it doesn’t mean we stop loving them, you’re both angry because you still love them and want to fix this but they’re men and, though we love them, we shall always remember that they’re rather stupid.”

Emma and y/n chuckled. “Yes.”

“But I fucked up,” y/n said. “I should be the one apologizing to him.”

“Yes dear, you did something wrong, and yes, you should apologize, but the first person you should apologize to is yourself. You’ve been too harsh on yourself because you made one mistake, and yet you’ve forgiven all of his.”

Y/N looked, down thinking to herself. Maybe she had been right.

“And you Emma,” Eliza turned to her. “You should at least let yourself feel,” she said. Emma nodded as she made her way to sit beside Eliza. “We all need a hug from time to time.”

Both girls leaned against each of Eliza’s shoulders.

“You know,” Emma said. “Before Harry,” she started. “I didn’t really… know love, you know?” She explained.

Both y/n and Eliza turned to see her. Emma never really spoke Harry’s name. Y/N had probably heard Emma refer to Harry as ‘him’. Never speaking his name out loud. She never really talked about it. Y/N had probably only heard Emma say his name that same day, maybe once in a while sporadically. But never talk about the subject, never addressing it. Just ignoring it. Always going: My life after him.

‘Him’.

So different from how y/n always referred to Tom, and how she tried to speak Tom’s name as many times as she could

“Before Harry,” Emma continued. “I thought love was very substantial, you know? Very… Not Splendid, just written by the book, that kind of stupid teenage love that involves kissing and wearing matching bracelets, and baking each other cookies from time to time,” Emma continued. “The kind of love that is all: oh they didn’t text back, or hey, we need to see each other every Friday. Very… not love like.”

“Before Harry,” Emma said. “I’ve never… cared about stuff, you know, I was kind of a goody two shoes with my parents, and then Harry came along and there I was telling little white lies to my parents, my friends, to Tim so I could sneak out to see him at ungodly hours, keeping secrets, and… You know my past relationships were merely… Physical, and then it was Harry, and it was just staring into his eyes and feeling the whole world was stopping, and I was swooning over him, talking about nonsense. And then hours felt like seconds, but he showed me how to stop time just so I could make him smile once more. Him and his stupid camera that he carries around everywhere.”

Y/N and Eliza watched her. Her voice had cracked as she was speaking, as if each word was taking away her life. Emma was… sad. And Emma was never one to be sad.

“And then when I thought everything was okay, when I thought I finally could… Love and be loved by someone. And I thought, this is stupid, why do I feel like this, you know?” Emma laughed.

“I dated way too many guys before Harry, and then I was changed, daydreaming, smiling to myself, sighing romantically. I had changed, for good. And I thought, hey, he’s just a man, you know?” Emma bit her lip. “He’s just a man,” Emma repeated. “Yet, I was… I wanted to do all the cute things, and I just initially didn’t want to give in to him, but I just simply and unequivocally fell in love with Harry, so easily, and I didn’t understand why, but I didn’t have to understand.”

Y/N had always doubted Emma because of her first impression. Because Emma initially wasn’t the type of girl Harry would date. She was too different. Y/N was wrong.

“It was…” Emma gulped. “Perfect, and then…” She paused to look down. “They snatched it away from me, and then the man who I thought loved me for who I was apparently didn’t, and he loved someone else, someone pretty, someone smart, someone who… Someone who my own best friend said was perfect, and then I thought I wasn’t… worth it, you know? Then I felt used and I saw the girl and she just… She was perfect, and then he said it, he confirmed it, how he had indeed been in love with that girl who was seamlessly perfect. With that girl who had known him his whole life, with that girl he had always cared for…And it was that question, is there something wrong with me? Why can’t I be her? Why does she get to… have him? But it wasn’t on her,” Emma continued.

Y/N felt bad, she hadn’t really stopped to see it. How Emma’s heart had been broken because of her. How y/n had apologized, and how she’d taken Emma’s friendship for granted. That Emma had grown from the problem because they both needed a friend.

“And I thought I could work it all out,” Emma sighed. “Him,” Emma chuckled to herself. “He said it, how confused he was, how he didn’t know where his heart was, how he said he needed to try it, try to get that thought out of his head, that he needed to know why he’d lost the chance with her. How he thought…” Emma took a deep breath as a single tear was streaming down her face. “How he thought that I was his endgame but if he never knew what it would feel like to be loved by his first love he’d never be happy,” Emma ran out of breath by then, she looked down, her eyes still glazed. “He’d never be happy with me. And I asked him if he would marry her instead if he had the chance, and he didn’t answer.”

Y/N reached out of her hand, as Eliza hugged them both.

They didn’t really say much after that, what could they really say? And the night washed away their thoughts. Eventually Eliza had gone to sleep leaving the two girls to their own despair. Both laying down on different sides of the room, hugging pillows, confused.

“I’m sorry,” Y/N said softly. “For Harry.”

Emma gulped and shrugged. “Yeah, no, it’s not your fault.”

“But it is,” y/n said, sitting up. “I did write about it.”

Emma stayed quiet. “Yes, and I… I understand it, that feeling I guess,” Emma chuckled. “I felt that way with Tim at some point, too.”

Y/N didn’t want to look up.

“The whole… If this is the person I’m supposed to love and if this person is good enough for me, why can’t… I?” Emma pushed.

Y/N eventually looked up. “Did you and Tim ever tried it?”

“Yeah,” Emma laughed. “And it just confirmed to both of us that we were supposed to be friends. I mean we only went on one date and when we tried to kiss it felt… Like ugh, no,” Emma chuckled.

That was something that she didn’t know.

“Maybe that was what Harry needed, you know,” Emma said. “Make sure he didn’t…”

But Harry had tried again. He had reached out, and he had asked y/n, if it could ever be him. Maybe y/n had ignored that thought in her head, probably because she didn’t want to even get deep in that thought.

“And I’ve seen you, you’re in too deep for Tom,” Emma said. “Poor Tim.”

Y/N frowned. “I’m not trying to hurt him.”

“No, I know,” Emma said. “You can’t help it, but… I always knew it, and I never.. When Tim told me about you and Tom I was… Firstly relieved because that was the confirmation I needed because somehow I always knew you were in love with Tom, I didn’t know about him, he was very good at hiding it, but you just… I don’t know.”

Y/N had a secret, one which she didn’t know if she had to share with Emma or not.

“Harry texted me,” y/n said it, as simply as she could.

Emma gulped. “What?”

“Yeah, he said he was going to reach out for you but he knew it was a stupid idea, and he.. Wants to talk to me.”

“Yeah, you should talk,” Emma nodded. “Save your friendship.”

Was there really any friendship to be saved? Y/N didn’t know if she even wanted to sort it out. She didn’t even want to see them the next day.

She hadn’t slept, at all. Her mind kept roaming between Tom, Tim and Harry. The different problems she’d had to face with each.

Emma didn’t go with her the next day to the studio. And there she was, all alone walking to them. Tom hadn’t looked up to see her this time. Alessandra, Josh, other people were there as Tom and Harry were awaiting for y/n.

“Good morning,” were the only words y/n had spoken towards them. The meeting started, Tom had avoided any possible type of eye contact towards y/n. Harry hadn’t. He’d done most of the talking, about the project, the ideas, the production. The inspiration.

“I just…” Tom said, eventually. “As I read the script,” he continued with poison. “I think we deserve to know more about William’s side of the story.”

Y/N looked up, deciding whether that bothered her or not. She decided it didn’t, because she knew his side of the story was a mystery to her, too.

“I couldn’t help but wonder if there could be a scene with William’s heartbreak,” Tom continued.

“Yes, of course, the ending, is something we’ve been working on,” Alessandra said. “I think that would add a bit more. Maybe even reflecting her first heartbreak, the one with the montage”

“Reflecting Valerie’s heartbreak, yes,” William said. “Almost mirroring it.”

“Well, I mean, mirroring it could work in a matter of film like symbolism, but I think William’s heartbreak is not the same as hers, I think-”

“No you’re right, his heartbreak comes from what he thought was a relationship,” Tom said. “I think we should work on something like that. His heartbreak is real.”

“I’m not saying it’s not real, I’m saying it shouldn’t mirror it,” y/n said. “I’m saying all heartbreaks are different.”

“Maybe you’re right. I think his heartbreak deserves its own spotlight.”

Y/N nodded. “Yeah.”

“But it’s not the same,” Alesandra. “After all William hurt Valerie more times, I think--”

“THat’s why we deserve to know his side of the story, otherwise he’s just an asshole and it wouldn’t make any sense as to why she loves him,” Tom said.

And yet she does, y/n thought.

The meeting went too decent. Y/N guessed Tom had understood that she really didn’t want to talk to him. Y/N was ready to leave, she didn’t want to see them. She didn’t want to see him.

She didn’t want to see Harry because how could she make things better?

But Harry had rushed over to her as soon as the meeting ended. Tom walked past them, scrolling in his phone. Y/N only watched him stand by close.

“Hey,” Harry said.

Y/N wasn’t aware why she was so damn selfish or why she couldn’t make up her mind, and she didn't know why it had bothered her so much that he hadn’t talked to her. That he was avoiding her. After all, that’s what she’d asked him to.

She wanted to run to him, honestly. Kiss him, even. But then again the first thing he did was try to change the story.

Y/N kept staring at Tom, but then turned to Harry. “Hi.”

“Did…” Harry gulped. “Did Emma come today?”

“No,” y/n said.

“I… uh,” Harry continued. Tom looked up, but then proceeded to keep walking as his brother glared at him. “I was going to ask if you wanted to go out for lunch or something… So we can uh.”

“Yeah,” Y/N said watching Tom. “Only us?”

Harry looked up at Tom, who didn’t even flinch before walking away.

It made y/n sad but she knew that she had been the one to ask for it, besides she needed to talk to Harry alone.

They ended up at a diner, one of y/n’s favorite places. She had discovered it with Emma and Timmy, a 24/7 diner that had welcomed the three of them after a night out in the city. Best burgers and waffles they’d ever had. Maybe they weren’t that good, but when you’re drunk and it’s late anything serves.

It was 50’s themed, like most diners are. Black and white tiled floors, blue booths and pink walls.

Harry smiled to himself as he looked around. “Why am I not surprised you like this place?” He chuckled.

“Food is good,” she said.

Harry watched her. “Tom wanted to come.”

Y/N sighed. “Of course he did,” she pointed out hiding behind the menu.

“Coffee?” The waitress offered. They both accepted it. Neither of them had slept the night before.

“He is very stupidly annoyingly in love with you,” Harry shot it. He knew he had to start with that.

Y/N let down the menu to face him. “And I was annoyingly and stupidly in love with him,” she said. “I am… Am, not was,” she corrected herself. “But I need to get over him soon because I had assumed he moved on,” she sighed and then bit her lip. “But you say he’s still in love so I am very confused by your statement,” she admitted. “But right now I don’t want to see his pretty face around because he is the biggest idiot to walk into this planet and I really am angry he’s directing and probably here to ruin the biggest chance in my life so I’m going to ignore you just said he is in love with me because he is an idiot and I probably am too but right now he is more of an idiot because directing my script—”

“So you’re angry,” Harry said as he sipped from the hot coffee they had served him.

“Not at you,” she lifted the menu again. “I am actually not angry at you directing, you’re talented, and I trust you, I would’ve even called you,” she confessed. “But well—yeah, but I’d trust you with my eyes closed even if we… if that thing happened.”

Harry cleared his throat. “Yeah.”

“And I assume we are going to talk about that,” she let down the menu again.

“Yeah.”

The waitress interrupted them again as she took their orders. Y/N didn’t order pancakes. Waffles. She hadn’t really eaten any pancakes for a while, though it was her favorite food.

They just stared at each other, not sure where they were standing. How were they supposed to act?

“I’m sorry,” they both said at the same time. They both chuckled.

“No, you go first,” Harry said.

“No,I’m sorry Harry I just—I feel like it’s on me, I ruined your engagement,” she started.

“No, I ruined my engagement-” Harry interrupted.

“No, but it’s on me, with that script--”

“No, yeah but that’s on Tom not wanting to talk about it,” Harry said.

“No, it’s not.”

“No, I know.”

“I’m sorry,” y/n said again.

Harry knew it, they were both in denial, neither of them wanted to address the actual situation.

“I’m sorry,” Harry said.

But neither of them were sure where to start their apologies. They’d said ‘no’ seven times. For sure, they were in denial.

“Yeah.”

“I’ve got to…” She took a deep breath. “I… When I wrote it, I guess, I wanted to understand it, you know?” She admitted. “As if I was trying to…”

“But,” Harry said. “I don’t think it--”

“Makes sense, no, it doesn’t,” y/n finished his sentence. “And look I… was confused and I just, when I wrote it I just… Went through with scenes in my life but...But-Harry-”

“It’s Tom, I know,” Harry said it. “And… It’s Emma, and I can’t believe I… I can’t believe I wasted on some stupid...Sorry, sorry-”Harry chuckled as y/n faked to be offended. “Not what I meant.”

“No, I know,” she laughed. “And before--”

“I know I asked you for an answer but,” Harry sighed. “I… I don’t know, I was confused, very confused, because it didn’t make any sense and I guess I was just too overwhelmed with the situation, I mean I had been in love with you my whole life and,” he sighed. “It’s difficult, being in love with someone and then realizing they could’ve loved you or that they loved you at some point is just…” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I guess anyone would do anything for a chance but I guess we have to accept that… Sometimes the heart is wrong, right?”

Y/N sighed. “Yeah, the heart is stubborn.”

Harry watched her, curiously. “I just need… I just guess I do need an answer.”

Y/N didn’t know what to say, whatever answer she gave him it would hurt him. She remembered it, the last time she’d seen him. How he was confused and broken and barely saying anything, and just throwing words in the air with little hope, begging for an explanation. And what explanation could a brokenhearted y/n give him? How could she ever give him an answer when her mind and heart was too stubborn and too attached to Tom.

She decided she’d rather stay quiet.

“Is it silly to think about it?” Harry asked.

“I guess not,” y/n sighed. “It’s the whole... “ Y/N sighed. “But I am too stubborn to keep you in my life Harry, if something like that had ever happened, it would’ve ended up in disaster, and I’m not sure if I could handle another disaster.”

He nodded. “Love shouldn’t hurt,” he said. “And God knows how much I’ve hurt from loving you.”

“It’s Tom,” y/n said with all her pain in her heart. “That’s your answer,” she said. “And I can’t help but think how terrified I am that it was the last chance we ever had and I was the one to fuck it up, and I can’t help but think about the places we’ve cursed and how I’ll never be able to ever go to New York again, and how I’ll never be able to look at you and know I hurt you so many times and I couldn’t… I couldn’t ever love you the way you wanted me to.”

Harry stayed quiet.

“But there is someone,” y/n said. “There was someone who loved you the way you are supposed to be loved, and who is exactly the person I think—“

“Yeah, leave it to me to fuck it all up,” Harry sighed. “I—she won’t love me anymore right?”

“If she’s as stupid as I am, then she might,” y/n chuckled

Harry sighed. “I can’t believe I made her feel like she wasn’t the one most important person in my life, I—“

Y/n watched him, “you know it won’t be easy, right?”

Harry looked up. “WhAt?”

“She’s been having a real rough time,” Y/n said, “but—“

“That one sounds hopeful.”

“It might be,” she nodded. “I just want you to be happy and I want her to be happy.”

Hardy nodded. “Should I give a hopeful but to Tom, too?”

Y/n didn’t answer. She wanted to say yes. But instead the question she wanted to ask came out instead. “What’s up with Tom and Cherry?”

Harry paled as if he’d seen a ghost. “What?”

That was the only confirmation she needed. She needed to ask no further questions because Harry had answered it, there was something going on between them.

“There it is,” y/n clicked her tongue.

“What? No, how do you—?what do you—what? No, no, no, no, no, no, no!”

“If you’re asking those questions it means there is something going on,” y/n commented.

“I—no,” Harry

The waitress arrived and gave them their food. Harry tried to ignore the conversation by giving a big bite to his burger.

“Harry,” y/n pushed.

“There’s nothing going on,” Harry stated.

“Did something happen?” She asked again.

Harry started to sweat, as he finally stared at her. “Why are you asking this?”

Y/N didn’t know why she was asking this. She was barely reacting to it. She didn’t feel the heartbreak, she didn’t feel the pain throughout her chest.

“So it did,” y/n nodded.

“Why—“

“Lets call it a sixth sense,” she hissed.

“I am not the one who’s supposed to tell you this,” Harry said.

“Something did happen huh,” she bit her lip. Maybe that’s when it hit her. That feeling of someone hitting her with a truck.

“N—Y/N, I’m not—“

“Did they sleep together?” Y/N pushed.

Harry wasn’t giving her an answer yet she knew they had. His palms were sweating, he was blushing, and he was cracking his hands..

“Y/n—“

“You know you can’t lie to me,” y/n stated again.

“I cant lie to you, you’re right,” Harry admitted as he sighed heavily.

“Then?”

“I’m not saying anything,” Harry said. “It’s not my issue and—“

Y/N knew she couldn’t cry in front of Harry. How different things were.

“I didn’t tell Cherry about Tom,” she said after a while of staring at the sweaty and nervous Harry.

Y/n couldn’t get angry, she knew that. It wasn’t cheating. It did hurt, though. But not as much as she thought it would, probably because she had known it already. Or maybe she was avoiding it right now because she needed to act tough with Harry.

But it did hurt. The thoughts invaded her head. How prettier Cherry was, how perfect Cherry was. And then the image went to her head, to Cherry’s slim fingers walking through Tom’s chest, and him liking her touch more than y/n’s. How her lips had probably kissed that sweet spot Tom had right under his chin. How probably their sweaty bodies had collided and how Tom probably hadn’t thought about her. Not at all.

And how easy y/n was to get over. That’s what she thought. How he had moved on because he could. And how stupid she felt.

Harry stayed quiet.

“I didn’t want to. It was too painful to talk about it, too complicated, too,” y/n continued. “and I assume he didn’t tell her about me either.”

“No…” Harry admitted.

Y/N was sure her eyes were filling up with tears but she wanted to inform them as she stared at her food. How stupid it seemed, a breakfast food. She pushed the plate away, she definitely wasn’t hungry now.

“Yeah,” her voice was dry, so she only sipped from her water. “and I know that as long as it concerns Cherry, I was dating you.”

“What?” But even if that question carried a sense of confusion it also carried some understanding as if suddenly it had made sense. As if something out of the blue had popped into his head and clicked the story together.

“I don’t know where she got that from but I just didn’t want to explain anything to her, didn’t think I had to,” y/n continued.

“What?” Harry asked again.

“She assumed it was you who I was dating and who I had an ugly breakup with,” y/n continued.

“Why did you let her—“

“Because I didn’t want to give out my story with Tom,” y/n said. “Though I thought she’d get it from the flowers, guess she didn’t,” y/n bit her lip. “I don’t understand anything about it, so—guess she just saw a pretty boy and—“

“I—“

“Did they sleep together?” Y/n asked again looking into Harry’s eyes.

No answer..

“Harry did Tom and Cherry fuck?” And she’d used that word because she wanted to believe that it was only that.

“I—y/n—“

“You’re not denying it.”

“Because it’s not my place to deny those statements,” Harry said.

“That means they did,” y/n bit her bottom lip. “It’s fine. I mean. I’m as guilty, I guess.”

“What?”

“I slept with Tim.”

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