#she was never like this until I went to college which is the weird part. I guess she suddenly had a lot of free time on her hands | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

toournextadventure · 4 months ago

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a cold reunion

Summary: Astrid hasn't visited her mother's old house in a while. She wonders if someone new has moved in by now. Maybe it'll be a "ghost," like her mother claims used to live there. Ha. She would be so lucky.

Word Count: 3.3k Warnings: mentions of death, Tim Burton style tones Pairing: Astrid Deetz x Reader A/N: I know absolutely nothing about this movie, only the original, so I'm just gonna have some fun with it

Being a Deetz was one of the most irritating parts of life. At least, it was in Astrid’s opinion. Even without her own uncommon interests, she was held to the standards of her mother. Because her mother was weird, everyone assumed she was too. Which she was, but it wasn’t fair she couldn’t make that statement for herself.

She used to have a friend. You had been new to town and hadn’t known anything about her mother. It led to a wonderful friendship. Her favourite classes were the ones you had together, and eventually, she invited you over outside of school. Everyone thought you were crazy to agree, but you never faltered.

Even her mother and grandmother liked you, saying you were a “good kid.” Astrid knew better, you were trouble. Always in detention or being scolded by teachers in the hallways. You were anything but a good kid when it came to following the rules. But she wouldn’t deny, you definitely sweet talked your way into her mother’s and grandmother’s good graces.

You had done the same to her, pulling her in until she didn’t want to leave. The first kiss had been under the bleachers at a football game; disgustingly cliche. You had tasted of the cigarettes you stole from your mom. A disgusting taste, but it was good on you.

But as soon as she really started to like you - a little more than like, she would admit - you disappeared. You hadn’t been at school that morning, and when she went to your mom’s work, she had said she didn’t know where you were. Said it was no surprise you left; you could do better than this town.

That had been two years ago. Your mom had left town not long after your disappearance. Everyone assumed she had done something to you; a suspicion that came from the simple fact that your mom was, as the town called it, “trailer trash.” She was a nice person, Astrid had always liked her. She didn’t blame the woman for leaving.

Even Astrid had left for college once school was over. What else was she going to do, stay put? No, she wanted to get started somewhere else. Somewhere she wouldn’t be saddled with the name Deetz like it was some kind of curse. She loved her mother more than she would ever care to admit. But she wanted to do something for herself.

It was winter break before she came back home.

“Leaving already?” Her mother called from the porch when she grabbed her bike and started walking it to the street. “You haven’t even been here for three hours.”

“I’m going to check on the house,” Astrid said with a shrug. “I heard the owners moved out.”

“They did, thank god,” her grandmother said. “They did that house no justice.”

Bold coming from you, Astrid thought but kept her mouth shut.

“Don’t stay out too late,” her mother said.

“Lydia dear, when you were her age, you were almost marrying a ghost,” her grandmother said. “Consider it karma.”

“Mom,” her mother sighed.

Astrid had already hopped on her bike and started down the street. The path to the old house was well-worn; everyone knew it. The old owners had tried their best to convince everyone the house wasn’t haunted, but most of the town didn’t believe it. At least none of the school kids. They had jumped at the opportunity to have a haunted house in town whether it was real or not.

You had always liked that old house. No one had ever fully convinced you that ghosts had lived there, but you liked the thrill of it. I don’t think they’re real, but what if? You had asked one night after sneaking in through her window. We should check it out one day. After you disappeared, she had avoided the house like the plague.

But Astrid knew the path by heart. Snow had been plowed from the streets, and the dutiful citizens had shoveled the bridge. When she approached said bridge, she slowed until she could get off the bike, walking it across instead of riding. Her mother had made it clear that under no circumstances was she to ride or drive over the bridge. It was a silly rule; she followed it anyway.

The house was more run down than usual. It shouldn’t have upset her as much as it did. After all, it wasn’t like she had really ever lived in the house anyway. But it was still part of everything she had known growing up. To see it practically falling apart was… well, it was nothing short of devastating.

Without taking her eyes off of the house, she propped her bike up by its kickstand and slowly made her way to the front door. Step by step, each stair creaked under her weight. The house was a little creepy. Maybe it would be best if she just didn’t go in. After all, the door was practically falling off the hinge, if she actually knocked it would-

-the door swung inwards.

And you were standing there in the doorway with your eyes wide. You looked like you had seen a ghost.

“What are you doing here?” Astrid asked quietly.

You exhaled harshly, shoulders sagging with the movement.

“Want some tea?”

—---

Astrid looked as beautiful as the day you had left. Well, no, you hadn’t exactly left but… no, that was something you would face later. For the moment, you were going to enjoy seeing her again. It hadn’t been long, but she had grown into her own. Beautiful as always, too.

And way too quiet for your liking.

“Chamomile okay?” You asked when the kettle was near screaming.

She nodded once, not removing her eyes from you. It was unsettling; you had used to love it. Astrid wasn’t like normal girls, and not in the “too cool for school” kind of way. It was more of an “I’ll be me whether anyone likes it or not” kind of way. If she wanted to be weird and goth then she would and no one could stop her!

But you didn’t like how she was looking at you.

You placed the teabag in the mug and slid it in front of her. The kettle was only seconds away from screaming when you pulled it off the stove. No need to burst anyone’s eardrums. There was no point in being careful with the scalding water as you poured it into her mug.

“You disappeared,” Astrid said while you were mid-pour.

“About that,” you hummed.

“Does your mom know?” She continued. “That you’re right back where you started?”

Your mom. Momma. She had been left all alone after… how had she fared? Were the townspeople nice to her? They had better be, or you would personally bring hell to every single one of them.

“What does she think happened to me?” You asked as you turned around and placed the kettle back on the stove. You didn’t turn back around.

“What everyone else thinks,” Astrid said, “that you ran off.”

“Was she okay?”

“Honestly?” She asked. “She said she was glad you got out of this little town. Said you were too good for it anyway.”

Well that… that almost hurt worse than knowing she never knew the truth. Your momma hadn’t been perfect, but she had done the best with what she had. Time and time again, she had told you in her drunken stupor that you were destined for great things. You had always taken it to heart.

You need to tell her.

“Hey, Astrid?” You asked with a weak voice.

She hummed for you to continue.

“Remember in school when we would say we didn’t believe in ghosts?”

“Yeah, why?”

With a sigh, you turned to look over your shoulder. Astrid’s head was tilted slightly in that way you always found cute. It didn’t click just yet. She just kept looking at you, waiting for you to continue. You raised your brows at her. She was almost there, you could tell by the slight crinkle in her nose, and- ah, there it was.

“You’re joking,” she said.

You gave her your best tight-lipped “white person” smile but otherwise didn’t answer.

“You saw one?” She asked.

Oh. Oh, no, she didn’t get it.

“Well, yes,” you said, turning your full body so you could lean back against the stove and look at her, “but that’s not what I’m saying.”

“Then what are-” there it is “-oh.”

There was something in her eyes when realisation dawned. Her eyes, while a gorgeous dark brown, were usually so bright. So happy, even when she was trying to act like she didn’t care about the world around her. But this was different. Any brightness dimmed to practically nothing.

“How?” She asked.

You shrugged and looked away. “The football team pushed me off the bridge.”

It wasn’t a fond memory, that was for sure. The icy layer covering the river had been rather sharp. But even that hadn’t compared to the pain of inhaling freezing water deep into your lungs. From what you could remember, it was slow. A memory you didn’t enjoy having, but maybe one day it would go away.

“You were murdered?” Astrid asked incredulously; horrifically.

“I mean listen, it’s not too bad,” you attempted to play it off. “It got me out of taking winter finals, which we both know I would’ve failed.”

“But it’s-”

“-I know, Astrid,” you interrupted.

You liked Astrid. You would even go so far as to say you loved her, mostly probably. Were you young? Sure. A little stupid and naive? Absolutely. High school sweethearts? You would say so, yeah. But she instigated a little too much, and she wanted to know everything, but this just wasn’t really something you wanted to indulge her in. Not yet, anyway.

Astrid was quiet for a moment. The gears were turning in her head, you could practically smell the smoke coming off them. What was she thinking, you wondered. Was she dwelling on the fact that you had died, cold and slow and alone? You certainly hoped not, it wouldn’t change anything. You were dead, you were now a ghost, and long-distance relationships weren’t that hard any more thanks to technology, so you could both still make it work!

If she wanted, of course.

“I thought my mom said her ghosts were stuck in the house for, like, a century or something,” she said instead.

You laughed. That was much easier to answer. “I told their caseworker I’d take their place. You know, let them rest in peace, or whatever,” you waved your hands vaguely.

“Caseworker?”

“It’s a long story.”

“So you’re why the previous owners left?” She asked.

“Guilty as charged.” You wiggled your fingers in her direction and smiled.

For the first time all day, she smiled back. God, you missed her smile.

“If you really are a ghost,” she said with a tilt of her head, “how can you pick things up?”

“Ooh, we’re getting to the fun questions,” you said with a smile.

The look on Astrid’s face was perfect. Curious, distrusting. The best mix of emotions; you loved when she was uncertain. It was a more genuine look for her, instead of trying to act like she knew everything and always knew what to expect. Always made her look super cute, honestly.

You walked over to where she was sitting at the run-down table. She turned to keep facing you until you were standing directly in front of her. It was going to be a risk, but one you were very much willing to take. Worst case, you stay stuck in the stupid house forever. No different from your current predicament.

“Took me a few months to really get the hang of it,” you said. Her eyes sparkled again. “You just focus on what you want to touch,” she blushed, “and voila.”

Her blush vanished when you picked up the mug beside her. What you really wanted to do was touch her. Gods, you wanted to know if you could still feel her warmth, the softness of her skin. But it wasn’t time. No, she was probably still worried about the fact that you had… well, you know. Died.

“It took you months to figure out how to do that?” She asked with a cheeky smile.

“Shut up,” you huffed, placing the mug back on the table. “It wasn’t like I had much to work with.”

“Why didn’t you ask my mom’s old friends how to do it?” Astrid asked before leaning back against the table. “I’m sure they would’ve helped you.”

“Never actually had the pleasure of meeting them,” you said with a shrug. “I only got to meet the other guy.”

“The other guy?” She asked, looking away in thought for a moment before looking back at you. “Oh, you mean Beetlegeu-”

-you slapped your hand over her mouth before she could continue.

“Don’t say it,” you whispered.

She nodded once, and you pulled your hand away.

“Was he really that awful?” She asked, matching your tone.

“He was that annoying,” you grumbled. “God, I swore the guy would never shut up.”

Astrid did her little crooked smile and laugh. The one that you would always try your best to force out of her during class to get her in trouble. Wait, that sounded bad. You didn’t want her to get in trouble, you just would have enjoyed her presence in detention. With you.

“So what else did you take two years to learn?” Astrid asked. She leaned forward until she was so close you could smell her shampoo. “Anything exciting?”

Wait. Wait, this could be your chance. You might be able to do something about it, this could be your shot. Two years in limbo, sitting in a run down house that did nothing but remind you of Astrid with everything you saw. It was her family’s house. You couldn’t leave her even if you had wanted to.

“Well,” you said, “there is something I’ve been wanting to test out.” You looked up to meet her eyes. “May I?”

“Let’s see what you got, ghosty,” she said.

You nodded to yourself and focused. Focused on her body, more specifically her face. Her stunning, beautiful, gorgeous, smiling face. Day after day, you had been thinking of her, and you had hoped time and time again that somehow she would come back to the house.

One deep inhale, hold your breath. Your hands were shaking so badly you would have dropped everything had you been holding something in the first place. And yet, Astrid didn’t budge when you lifted your hands and placed them on either side of her face. Exhale.

Her body was absent of warmth. Astrid had never been an exceptionally warm individual to begin with but this was… different. You couldn’t bring yourself to tell her that you couldn’t feel her. Sure, you could touch things, but you couldn’t feel any of it. It wasn’t something you could describe, except calling it surreal.

“May I?” You asked again.

You could feel her breath on your lips even as she nodded. It was all you needed to pull her into a kiss. There was still no warmth, but there was a… a comfort in it. In feeling her lips against yours again after so long. To feel her breath mix with yours, replacing everything you didn’t need but you so desperately craved.

Her hands attempted to settle on your hips but fell straight through. In turn, you felt her shoulders sag as she placed her hands on your knees instead. That was… not a nice feeling. Maybe you could learn to focus enough to let her feel you back. That was possible, right? Surely it was.

You pulled away slowly. If you could have stayed kissing her for the rest of your century in that hellhole, you would have. But unfortunately, Astrid still had to breathe, and you had to give her the space to do it. Earlier you had questioned if you had really loved her or if it was a puppy love?

Oh no. It was the real deal.

“You can’t leave at all?” Astrid asked. “Not even for an hour or so?”

“You mean the haunted house isn’t romantic?” You teased.

“What do you even do in here all day every day?” She asked.

Once again, she reached out to touch you. Somewhere, anyway. You looked down at where she was attempting to hold your hand. Maybe if you could focus really hard, it would work. As far as you knew, you couldn’t materialise. At least, you didn’t think you could. But if you really concentrated.

Her fingers slipped between yours and, for the first time in two years, you felt her squeeze your hand. Physical touch. Real physical touch.

“I, ah,” you stammered, looking down at where she was still holding your hand. “It’s in my contract to scare people.”

“Contract?” She asked. Your arm moved as she pulled you closer. Okay, maybe physical touch was a bit unfamiliar to you after so long, you would need to get used to it again.

“My caseworker says I have a quota to meet,” you said, finally looking back up to meet her eyes. “So many people each quarter, you know?”

“So you need people to scare?” She asked. “On a regular basis.”

There was a sparkle in her eye. Something dangerous; scandalous.

“You have something in mind?” You asked with a tilt of your head.

Her smile was vicious. And attractive.

—---

The house looked beautiful in the daylight. The paint was fresh, the inside was cosy, and when nighttime fell? Rumour had it the ghosts came out to play. That was why most people rented out the house; their own private haunting for a night. The listing said if you could survive the night, the stay was free. So far, no one had lasted long enough to even give it a good shot.

And as you stood at the end of the bed watching the young couple sprint down the stairs screaming, you knew they wouldn’t be the winners either.

You walked over to the window and watched as they threw their singular bag into their car and peeled out of the dirt driveway. It hadn’t even been any fun, they hadn’t given you any time to actually scare them. Hell, all you had done was stand at the bed! You hadn’t made any faces, hadn’t pulled any jumpscares, you had simply stood there.

Were you really that scary?

“Gone already?” Astrid asked in a sleepy voice as she walked to stand beside you at the window.

“Didn’t even stay long enough for me to have any fun,” you pouted.

“Well, you’ve hit your quota,” she said. She grabbed your arm and pulled it over her shoulder before tucking closer to your body. After a few months, you were finally starting to feel a bit of warmth from her.

At least, you thought you did.

“Your mom is coming by in the morning?” You asked.

She hummed her confirmation.

“Maybe I can try to scare her, then,” you said.

Astrid pulled you away from the window and started walking you toward your shared bedroom. Not that you really needed the sleep, but it was nice to be able to lay next to her. It was exhausting to keep a more physical form, but for her? You would do it all day every day.

“Good luck scaring her,” Astrid said as she pulled you onto the bed. “She practically grew up with ghosts.”

“I’ll scare your grandmother then,” you said softly, but she didn’t move.

Astrid was already asleep in your arms, just like you had always imagined. Maybe being dead really wasn’t as awful as everyone had always made it seem. After all, it got you your dream girl.

#astrid deetz x reader #astrid deetz imagine #jenna ortega x reader

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grapejuicestyless · 1 month ago

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What If I Don’t Know?

JJ Maybank x fem!reader

Summery: In an alternate universe where the pogues gave up the hunt after their win with El Dorado, Y/n breaks free of the island dream and runs off the college. Only to find that maybe, being away isn’t what she wanted after all.

My boots danced across the thick yellow lines on the deep black pavement. The traffic lights were flickering yellow, reflecting off of the void and rippling across the building puddles by the clogged sewer drains. An intersection at midnight, no dead stop and no definite go. Just the trust that the other cars wouldn’t blow past the warning signs. The trust that metal was made to bend, to rupture to save a life.

I didn’t have a car, I couldn’t afford one, and I never needed one. Everything I ever wanted was always just a few steps away. Laughter used to echo through the halls and cold rings hit the doors repeatedly. You grow used to people that way. Used to the sound of their footsteps, of their breath. You know who’s on the other side of the door always when you memorize the pattern of their movement.

JJ promised me once that we’d make one. We would run our way down to the junkyard and pick out old parts of cars and Frankenstein them together into a piece of shit that would run like a dream.

That was something I missed. The smell of gasoline. Maybe that’s why I stumbled down through the college town, balancing between the thin stripe of black between yellow and twirling in the center where road met road. Maybe I was looking for that bitter smell to remind me of home. The image of JJ bent under the hood of a truck. The same Ford that sat broken in the front yard for years, the sound of metal twisting and the breathy grunts with each violent twist of the wrench. It would run like new one day, he swore. I never doubted him, and I still don’t. One day, we’ll run down to that junkyard, a graveyard for cars, and we’ll find that missing piece.

Rain dripped from the bridge of my nose, falling on my soaked shoes and flattening out my fuzzy socks. Everything up North was colder. Maybe it was because of how bitter people were. The semi-warm summers and the sweltering months of autumn, only for the two week beach bliss to be swiftly replaced with a harsh winter that didn’t let up until the next summer. Cold nipped at my nose. I felt bitter the longer I was here, which was weird because when I was sixteen, I could have sworn this place was home.

Then again, I had never really been anywhere long enough to know what home really was. Everywhere I went became rushed by the sweet adventure that was chasing riches. Maybe it was the idea of settling down that intrigued me. To be sat in one place for a while and to slow down, to increase my chances of living through my twenties without some pirate knocking on my front door, a gun to my head. But this wasn’t home, this wasn’t settling. This was restlessness mixed with a deep urge to find something like home. An emptiness emotionally that I just couldn’t understand.

Like a dog chasing its own tail, I felt stupid, and I myst have looked drunk dancing among the silence of my college town. I should have been happy, this should have been home. I got out, I got what Kiara always dreamed of, I sought out a higher education, a dream that Pope had thrown away. My record was clean and my future had meaning. I should have been ecstatic to receive this opportunity, after all the grief and death and scandals of my childhood, a stage in my life that was stripped away by all the realities that unraveled with each new treasure found. But, I wasn’t. Even then, sick, dirty, and cold, I wasn’t happier than then now.

I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. In the dormitories, in the bathrooms, in the halls. It’s me, or, a version of that girl. She has my hair, and we share the same eyes, same curve of our lips too. But she’s hollowed out, gutted, and so indescribably not me. Different, not greater, but worse. I think of packing my bags quite often. Going quietly and without a fuss. To swallow my pride and withdraw my debt I would surely acquire if I stay any longer here at some institution I knew I couldn’t afford the moment I sent in my letter.

My roommate would be disappointed, but she’d move on. She doesn’t know me, she understands the concept of me, but she doesn’t know me. She’s nice enough, keeps her room clean, which inspires me to do the same. She brushes her hair regularly, almost obsessively, and is really pretty. We get along fine. We are friends, to a degree, but we are sure to find other roommates and never speak again. Still, I wonder if she would be mad if I left without telling her.

JJ was mad when I told him. He didn’t like the idea of abandonment. Though, I promised I would return in just a few months, and then a week after, and a few months later. It would feel like I am forever home, only with short intermissions where he gets to enjoy all the things that the island could offer with the others to hang off of his arm. He didn’t even indulge in that idea. He thought even an hour apart was too much.

I promised him it wasn’t abandonment, and swore to call him every night. I do. Sometimes I call him in the morning, and I almost always call him in the afternoon. I like to hear his voice. It sounds like home, it makes me feel warm. I forget about the redness of my nose and the tingling numbness in my fingers. He sounds like the waves crashing against the shore and the sound of wet spaghetti hitting the walls during dinners at midnight. He is laughter and the summer sun, the swells that ripple in mid July and the best seashells on the beach.

My knees bend beneath me, kneeling against the wet cement beneath me. I feel the wetness soaking through my jeans. It’s cold. Like it could be snow if it were a degree cooler. I kneel in the middle of the intersection, and I look up at the sky. It’s dark. I check my watch, it’s nearly morning again. The yellow light flickers against my skin, illuminating my face and leaving me in pitch black again. Everyone is sleeping in my college town. All is quiet.

My neck stretches out, upwards and I open my mouth. My tongue touches my chin, and I can taste the dirt in the droplets that swallow down my throat. My eyes are closed, because I have nothing to fear but loneliness itself, and whether my eyes are opened or closed, the feeling will still be there, and the fact will be too. I am alone, in this journey. I have nothing friends to lean on and no campfire to light. Nobody here knows about the existence of Kildare, of the marsh, and the restaurants that line the cut. They wouldn’t care, they don’t care about an environment they are not accustomed to. They only have so much space to consume what they need to know. To drink up their studies, they have no space for empty thoughts of a life they never lived.

I have my old phone in my pocket. The keypad is burned into the screen because it’s all I use it for now. My life revolves around nothing but the stress of failure and the relief of my best friend’s voice at the end of the day to ease my stress. The truth is, I understand the void in my passion now better than I did when it first appeared, the black hole that seemed to swallow up all my excitement for the new beginnings. I understand the bitter feelings I have for my new house, because I refuse to call this place home. Home is not a place you reside, though, familiarity breeds contempt, home is a connection to the people who reside in respect of you, who stand by you. So though the people I surround myself with here are perfectly friendly, they are not my friends, and they will never come close to the feeling of home I feel with them.

“Hello?” His voice is thick with sleep. He has that rasp men get early in the morning, a rich deepness I rarely hear anymore, but something I once bathed in with his arms wrapped around me through the night.

Theres a soft rhythmic ticking that comes with the flickers of light, and the soft patters of rain drenching the pavement create solemn acoustics around me.

“Hey, JJ.” It comes out in one breath. A sigh of relief that he even heard the buzzing of his phone in his usual dead-to-the-world like sleep cycle. My fingers slip on my phone case and I have to catch it, the rustling on my end of the line echoing back through the speaks to me. I can hear the playback of my breathing through a short delay that spans over a vast distance.

“Is everything alright? It’s…three in the morning. I don’t know a lot about time zones but, I think we’re both on the east coast.”

“No, it’s the same time zone, Jay.” My cheeks already hurt with how big my smile was. He just had that effect on me. His goofy, unknowing attitude always managed to make me laugh, especially because deep down I knew he was a lot smarter than he led on to be. When he let that mask slip to reveal his true self, it was always a wonder the ideas that spewed from his lips. He had one of the greatest minds I’d ever known, only to be undermined by the tragedy of his last name.

“Is it a crime to miss my best friend?” My eyes found a home on my wet knees, and my free hand began to play around in the water. Dragging my nail through the small puddle forming around my body.

“At this time? Yes.” He chuckled softly. “Somethings up, what are you speculating? Whats the word? Observations? Because I can’t help you with that.” He made himself clear, smiling through his sentences.

“What? No! Why would I call you of all people if I was Ob-ovulating?” I corrected myself with a laugh.

“Don’t knock it until you try it. I happen to be irresistible.” JJ defended himself with a teasing tone. Our conversation was light like it always was, even though my homesickness ran deep, and the sadness I felt was heavy, he made it feel like even the rain pouring down around the city I lived in was letting up.

“Lord knows John B’s walls are too thin for me to not have some kind of clue.” I snickered, pushing back the wet strands of hair that had fallen down upon my face.

Rain clung to me in every crevice, drenching me completely until I felt nothing but cold wash over me. It was a shower I didn’t need, one that did not cleanse me but instead poisoned me with the reminder that this was reality, I was miles away from the voice that was soothing my hearts ache momentarily. I would mull over it later.

“Nah, you got off on that shit.”

“Don’t be a pig, I’ll hang up.” I threatened half-heartedly. We both knew I never would. I could never cut the calls first, so the responsibility fell to JJ, who suffered the same inability to let go. Our calls usually stretched for hours, and the voicemails left in my inbox from the few times I would pass out with my cheek pressed firmly against some dusty book in the library took up all remaining storage in my phone. Right along side the folders of photos of us that collected by the thousands.

“So why’d you call?” He asked finally. I had no real answer. I used up all my excuses. Could he check for a sweater I left behind, the very same one I had on, or if he could just catch me up on what the others were up to. As if I didn’t call to hear all their stories daily, hourly if possible. What was I to tell him? What excuse could serve as something plausible without bearing a burden on his wide shoulders.

“You’re my best friend. I love you, I don’t need a reason.”

“You always have a reason.” He argued softly.

“Well, tonight I don’t.” I hummed. He hummed too, and silence filled the line.

The homely yellow flicked was accompanied by the blinding lights that came in pairs, growing brighter and wider with each passing second. Like a deer, I stood quickly, tall in my path but frozen in fear. I couldn’t meet the eyes of the man behind the wheel, recklessly racing across the intersection with no caution. Yellow meant slow, yet in the night, it only called for feet hitting the floor.

Puddles splashed violently, wheels screeching against the wet cement, leaving trails of where wet met soaked. I could see the distance between the wheels, I could lay my chest against the ground and measure it with my wingspan. The car swerved, laying down on the horn until the sound sputtered away into the distance, and nothing but the soft ticking of the lights and the sound of rain smacking the pavement filled the silence of the line again.

“Are you outside?” JJ asked finally. The sound of sheets crinkling and shuffling of legs against the mattress told me the loud alarm had stirred him from his relaxed state. I nodded at first, forgetting he couldn’t see me, and then I cleared my throat.

“I’m standing in an intersection.” I confessed quietly.

“Why?”

To clear my mind, to escape everything that was bothering me. To find peace with the silence, to try and find comfort in a home that wasn’t mine. There were a lot of minor reasons. The smell of gasoline was high on the list. I rationalized a lot of reasons in my head. Maybe I was looking for that bitter smell to remind me of home. Still, my gut wouldn’t settle.

I had left home to find something good for myself, to do myself the favor I always promised myself I would if I ever had the chance. But now, now that my feet had carried me to a place that was usually bustling with life, life that felt dull compared to even the most calm days on the island, I felt like I could never go back. A chance, a life, a future that I craved, I was throwing away because my feet refused to lift from the ground until I was sure I would only take my next steps home.

“I miss you.”

My answer was clear. It was true. I missed the waves, I missed the concrete roads freshly paved down in figure eight and how they met the old dirt roads of the cut. I missed John B’s chicken coop, though the chickens were long gone. I missed the dying tree carved with his name, and the rusted latch on the chateau’s porch door that left a yellow stain in the crinkles of my palm. But more than anything, I missed being no more than a breath away from JJ Maybank.

“Come pick me up?” I asked with uncertainty. Not because I even doubted for a moment that JJ wouldn’t come running to me if I even for a moment doubted where I stood, but because the morning was still young and tropical paradise was far away from the whistling winds of the North. Ferries only ran during certain hours, and money was hard to come by, even when we scrape together our pennies. Thats what happens when you drink up your success, you’re left with the repercussions. So, even if he did catch the boat, where would he get a ride from? How much more would it cost to bring the Twinkie alongside hime and ride it all the way to the hills where the colleges welcome signs were illuminated by colored lights, shining in school colors and pride.

He let out a stifled breath. He was choking on emotion I couldn’t read over the phone.

“I’ll be there, yeah.” He promised.

“Okay…I’ll go pack.” I said, suddenly and awkwardly. Yes, I dreamed of this day, kissing everything goodbye and running back to my roots, but now it was real. I could hear JJ slipping on his boots already. Why waste this chance?

“Pack?” He questioned.

“I’m leaving for good, Jay. I know I tell you that this is great and all, but I hate it here. This isn’t…this isn’t what I thought it would be. It’s not what I want.”

“So, you’re coming home?” He asks even though my answer has always been obvious.

“Yes.”

The line falls quiet again. I can hear the shuffling of his feet quickening against the rotting wood floors of the old Maybank property. A broken home flipped into something good. We share a bed there, I imagine he’s already grieving the loss of his starfish sleep position now that he’ll be bound to the same mattress as me again.

“I’ll be there soon.” The line falls dead.

Water splashes around me. If I wasn’t already soaked, I would be now. I can see why John B loved having a car so much now. The cold was fine at first when it was numbing, but now that I had feeling back in my chest, it was too much for me. My feet hit the pavement in harsh slapping movements, I pump my arms for some kind of friction against the wind. My lungs burn, they taste metallic. I want to wheeze and stop running, but I don’t think I could if I tried. I should feel embarrassed how quickly I up and left the place I was once stuck in, how I turned on my heels to run far away. But I’m not. I feel nothing, actually. Nothing but cold, determination, excitement. I have the energy of a child. I am an olympic runner, I have the right motivation. Get the fuck out of here, run myself right into JJ’s arms. I pray I don’t wake my roommate up when I reach my room.

The room is empty when I get there. I open the door so slowly, not even the rusted hinges make a sound. The carpet groans under my weight, even on my highest tip-toes. But the beds are empty and neatly made like they were left this morning. Rains pelts the windows. Theres a fan running. It’s my fan. I can’t sleep in the heat, not even in the winter. My bedding consists of borrowed blankets that I buried myself in, subconsciously trying to suffocate away the homesick feelings.

I barely had any clothes to pack, anything to throw into my duffle bag and my old backpack that was once Kiara’s. I never really got around to unpacking anyway, because there was so little to fill the bags I brought. Looking back on every decision I made before even stepping foot on campus, I should have known I would never stay. This was merely a vacation from hell. I don’t get the privilege to relax, I am worked and forced to prove myself over and over again among my peers who will never know me. I can’t wait to go somewhere where I am known again.

Somewhere along the way, I begin to collect up the posters on my walls. I rip them down hazardously, crumpling them and leaving them in the empty trashcan. It’s empty because there’s nothing I’ve touched in this room. Not the books, or the pens. I have a singular pencil up on my desk that’s much shorter than it once was, only half of its once lengthy size, and a nearly full set of flashcards. I don’t need the memory of this place to follow me. I consider it a favor to my roommate. To gift her with all the supplies she will ever need. She is nice enough, and a lot smarter than me. She’s sitting here on a full ride, though, the collar of her shirt says she could afford it without a penny. I convince myself she deserves it even though I do not know her.

I check my phone repeatedly, and I sit on the bench under the old overhang by my dorms. I stay out of the rain, I stay near the warmth and huddle up. I feel anxious waiting for him. It’s only been a few hours. I swept over the room for the few things I did want to keep. Like one of JJ’s bracelets, though it never even left my wrist. Or the soap I used in the shower. It was brand new, I had just bought a new one. I wait for his call. I wait for the familiar honking of the rusted horn. I wait, and wait as the sun rises. Time ticks by. I am impatient, I wasn’t bred this way, but good things have made me this way. I cannot wait.

“Popes probably gonna kill me.” I mumbled softly.

The car was warm, but my hands still lingered with the outsides touch. I sat on that bench for hours waiting for him. I saw people rise from their beds and lean out the window, taking in the smell of the dewey morning. A few gave me puzzled glances. A drenched girl, dripping down on the bench, wetting everything she touched.

But then, he came. I could see the rusted van before he even put it in park. Just between the brick lined buildings and the paths decorated in dying shrubbery. There was a small gap between the campus lawn and the visitors parking lot. A small slice of the outside world creeping into the sheltered space that was college.

I ran. I ran faster than I ever had in my life. Faster than when I used to race for desert back when Big John used to ruffle my hair and let me sleep over if I wanted, faster than when Ward held a gun to my head and made me pray for some kind of miracle. I ran until my feet couldn’t keep up, and I fell into JJ with a gasp.

He held me back, lifting my feet from the ground they stood on. I swore I heard him mumble something sappy under his breath, but he quickly shrugged it away when he saw the look in my eyes. I never felt love until I felt the desperation in the way he wrapped his arms around me. The way he squeezed the air from my lungs and only let me breathe when he was sure that the feeling between his elbows and his chest was really real, until he knew that this was for good.

He had slung my bags into the back seat and laughed as he told me to get in the Twinkie. When he started driving, he played the old CD we burned together in middle school filled with soft rock and Bob Marley. Occasionally, a song I had written into the playlist without him knowing would play. He always acted angry that I’d done that, but his fingers tapped the wheel and he couldn’t help but hum along. He would never admit to liking trashy pop songs, but the pink on his cheeks gave him away.

When the CD was spun to an end, we debated playing it again. We fell into silence, into the comfort of company. We both took the time to process the fact that this was real now, this was the decision I had decided to make. The thoughts that ran through my mind, what if I took off? What if I packed my bags, what if we moved back home? Let’s adventure down the coast, let’s live our youthful dreams that are unrealistic. Let’s make a home. They were real now, in this car, in him. We sat comfortably knowing that there was no limit on our company now, no restrictions on how much time there was left to borrow.

My socks tapped against the dashboard, my toes tracing the outline of the stickers scattered along the interior. Wet residue was left over, soggy folds gathered at my ankles. My body folded into itself slightly. I let the warn air from the dusty vents dance across my skin. Goosebumps faded like the sinking feeling in my gut. The smell of gasoline filled my nose once more, the smell of his deodorant reminded me that he was close.

“No doubt about it. Don’t know how you’re gonna talk your way out of this one.” JJ sighed contently.

“Well, you’re pretty good at sweet talking.” I buttered him up. Compliments were his weakness, I knew it all too well.

“I love you, but no.” JJ laughed.

“What! Oh, come on, please!”

My hands wrapped around his right bicep. My chin sat perched on his shoulder, batting my eyelashes at him and tickling the peach fuzz on his jaw that he had missed while shaving. I wanted to rub my palm over it, tease him for it with a smile. He had a toothy grin that I could see reflecting back in the rearview mirror.

“I get shit done, but I’m not a miracle worker, ‘kay?” He lifted his arm out of my grasp reluctantly, waving his finger to make his point.

“I thought Papa J was a miracle worker?” I teased with a raised brow. My arms crossed over my chest with a huff. My back fell gently against door. I turned to face him, a pout on my face and lines between my furrowed brows.

JJ let out a breathy laugh, his resolve quickly breaking at my endless begging. He had soft spots and I knew just where to aim.

“No, no! Don’t use my ego against me!” He laughed. I held my stomach this time, trying to keep my ribs together while I struggled to contain the fits of giggles bubbling up my throat and fighting past my lips. If love was a sanctuary, I was certain I had both feet in it. If it was a fire, I was burning up, and if it was the waves, they had crashed down relentlessly against my shivering body, bringing relief with each blow.

I bit the inside of my cheek and chewed at the skin. Laughter faded into even breathing, and my limbs curled up against the wrinkling fabric of the passenger seat. It had just barely started to rain again, a soft pattern of droplets hitting the windshield every so often. The closer we got to the dock, the more it lightened up. Though, the storm came in waves in the shape of the clouds that covered the blue skies. With each opening with sun peaking through, the tapping on glass stopped. When the grey swallowed us whole, it resumed. I didn’t mind it again. Not for the reasons that I wallowed in just hours ago, not to seek comfort in my homesick nature that cane purely from the soul of a homebody. But this time, because the swelling my my heart made me want to pull over to the side of the highway and spin around until my half-dried socks were coated in mud and my skin didn’t recall what the dryness felt like.

“Can I tell you something?” I murmured, my eyes locked in to the passing view that was the trees speeding past the windows.

“Yeah.” JJ hummed.

“I only came back for you.”

JJ hesitated on what he thought he wanted to say. He was biting his tongue. I shook my head.

“That sounds bad.” I laughed. “I only decided to leave because of you. I guess…just sitting in the middle of the road, I already felt really far away from everyone. I missed everyone more than I’ve ever missed anything in my life, but I was convinced that maybe I could suffer through it. But…just being with my thoughts, and hearing your voice after thinking for a while…kinda just convinced me.”

JJ took it all in. I saw the whites of his knuckles deepen the harder he pressed his fingertips to the wheel, the vast expanse of road ahead daunting now. This was beyond quality time together, and he knew it now that the newness began to settle and he began to realize it was the same old me. This was my future, and I had tossed it all away.

“I just…I guess I always thought you’d be the one to make it out. To really go for it. Kildare’s big enough for me, but I always kinda thought you’d go somewhere…more.” JJ spoke softly, eyes glued to the road.

“Maybe I already did get out. I got out and I tried to change everything about me to be that girl who wanted to get out, but she’s dead. Getting out sounded so freeing when we were younger, but now…now that we’ve seen the world and…and done so much in such little time, I’ve already lived a whole life, I’ve seen the world and I still feel like I don’t know who I am yet. But I know what I love, and I know that I hate every second that I’m away from it.”

JJ hummed again, raising his brows.

“You don’t need to explore every single corner of the earth to be something or-or someone. And maybe I didn’t realize it when I sent my letter in but I know now and I know that, I feel only half as good when I’m anywhere but where I should be. I’m sorry if that’s disappointing or if Pope is going to lecture me for days and you have to listen to it, but I know I have such a better chance of being who I want to be where I can be her than in some Northern University where people wear coats year round.” I rambled. My hands moved quickly. I cut through the air with each slice of my palms, and my eyes ran wild across the landscapes and the curve of his nose down to the bend of his jawline.

“I’m just trying to make sure this is what you want.” He finally cracked a smile. His head turned for a moment to meet my eyes, and I could see the flickers of light brightening up his affectionate gaze.

“Jay, I sat in the pouring rain in the middle of the road and begged you to come get me.” I deadpanned, but a small smile still graced my face.

Truthfully, I couldn’t wait to stick my toes back in the warm sand back home. To look down at my boots and dance along the gravel roads instead of balancing between two yellow lines that shot straight down the neat pavement.

Home was a foreign concept for a long time. The idea that it was something that could be bought. Through a mortgage, monthly rent, out of pocket. I never had those kinds of expenses. What was pocket change for some felt like gold to me, so maybe when people sat around talking about how they craved a big house to reside in, I never fully understood. Then again, I was never anywhere long enough to know.

I wouldn’t change a thing, how I ran around with my friends for years looking for gold that seemed to become buried under more and more stories, leading us to an even greater prize. I wouldn’t change the way I threw it all away to be with them. Subconsciously, I was smarter than I thought. Pope talked about packing up his bags, skipping town and moving to Idaho. Somewhere where he meant nothing to nobody and could start over. But I never indulged in it, or the fantasies of having a little more money. Being stable out be nice, but I always knew I had what I needed. I had a home and it was built on the structure of my four best friends that soon grew in size to six, and they had toothy smiles and stupid jokes.

“Do you think they’ll be mad?” I asked suddenly. Sure, this was right and it was what was true, but this was a dream that nobody else ever got to experience.

JJ pulled his lip between his teeth.

“Nah.” He sighed. “Pope will have your head, but Pope gets wound up easily. Could use him as a fishing pole.” JJ joked. It made me laugh and I felt any stress melting away. It was funny that he could do that anytime he pleased. I didn’t know if he ever knew he could do it, but he had a smart mouth, and a funny bone that always seemed to tickle me just right.

“But not you?” I asked once again.

“Not me what?”

“You wouldn’t? Be disappointed in me, that is.” I clarified softly, the roads becoming softer the more me drove along them. It was only moments until we’d soon roll onto the metal bridge connecting us to the boat that would send us home.

JJ breathed out through his nose.

“Is this what you want?”

“Yes.” I responded plainly.

“And it makes you happy?”

“Yes.” JJ sighed, his eyes flickering from the wheel, to the road, and back to me. But only for a moment.

“Then no.” He answered just as plainly as I did, but there was a twinge of happiness itching at the corners of his lips. Selfishly, he wanted me to come home, and selfishly, I did too.

“Well, are you mad at me?” I continued to press him.

He laughed. “I could never be mad at you.”

“Not even if this is the wrong choice?” I picked at the skin by my fingers. My skin hurt a lot less now that it was shedding the smell of foreign land and letting the faint smell of the Twinkie stick.

“Who am I to tell you if it’s wrong?”

“Well, Pope would tell me it’s wrong.” I argued weakly.

“And am I Pope?”

I shook my head silently, and my eyes glued to my fingers. Blood stained my cuticles, where skin met nail. It stung, but it hurt a lot less than what I felt before.

“Y/n/n, you could send me into bankruptcy and act like we’re rich and I don’t think I’d even have it in me to blame you.” JJ smiled. I focused on the slopes and curls of his hair.

We sat in silence for a moment. It wasn’t like he was Shakespeare, but it wasn’t often JJ said something truly sappy. Usually, his philosophies revolved around excuses for his own stupid actions, which, now that he had explained his view on me, I had come to realize I never fully saw the extent of his behavior because I had never had the courage to blame him. I never would.

“So, you’ll talk me out of trouble when we get back?” I smiled sweetly, leaning my head on his shoulder and batting my eyelashes desperately.

JJ let out a laugh from deep in his stomach, his cheeks turning pink from his gasps of oxygen.

“I love you, but no.”

“I thought JJ was the reckless one, but holy shit, Y/n/n!” Pope ran a hand over his hat, pulling it off by the brim in one quick motion. The hard fabric hit the wooden counter of the bait and charter shop, the slap echoing through the homely space.

“Can you blame me? It’s so far away, and we just got back! I haven’t been in one place for more than a month in years, and I’m so god damn tired of feeling homesick all the time!” I tried to argue against the growing rally against me. I pleaded my case, but they all looked at me like I was brain dead.

“You had a chance, Y/n. A really good one too and you blew it, for what? To sell bait? To slum it in the cut? You can do that when you’re done earning your other options!” He scolded me like I was a kid. But I’m not a kid, and the worry lines slowly creeping up onto my once vibrant face are only evidence of the ever growing number attached to my bones.

“Yes, but a chance I didn’t ever really want! I mean, how could I even know if I ever wanted it, I don’t know who I am!”

“Thats what growing up is for! Not growing down. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re not a kid anymore, Y/n. And you never will be again!”

Silence fell over the small room. Even the waves rolling against the dirt didn’t dare to whisper through the large windows and gaps for doors.

“I sacrificed that for you.” I spoke softly, bitterly. For so long, I’s bitten my tongue for everyone. Hidden my resentment for chasing after a gold, I never really wanted because in my eyes, I already had it. But it was what they wanted, so I let myself age out of the period of my life I had dreamed of since I was a kid.

“I gave up my childhood so that you could figure out yours! You got to know who you are, I never got that because no one ever stopped to ask me what I wanted! Nobody! You were all too caught up in your greedy treasure hunt to ever look around and think about if everyone wanted to do this!”

“No one made you come along.” Kiara stepped forward, the same disapproving look in her eyes. She was only defending her wordless friend, but my feet felt heavy and my joints were warm. I felt myself creating sentences I should have never admitted out loud.

“Well I did! I did, and it’s too late to change that, and I did it because that’s what friends do. But what do we have to show for it? Nothing! We didn’t get the cross, we didn’t get the gold, hell, we already spent all of the nuggets John B managed to grab!” It fell silent again, and suddenly, I was standing in the center of a circle I didn’t want to be a part of.

“So what? Because we failed, it condemns you to leave college?” Kiara always had a smarter mouth than me. She was quick witted and observant. Yet, she failed to understand that my choice to come home wasn’t something merely because of the way the treasures slipped through our fingers. It was a homesickness she never had to feel because she had plenty of homes where she was consistently welcomed.

“Why is it so wrong for me to be unhappy with something that everyone else enjoys? Just because my dreams do not inspire yours does not make them any less important. A-and honestly I’m sick of standing here and listening to all of you yell at me for getting out of there instead of letting myself waste away! I’d be dead if I didn’t leave, I’d be dead because you all mean a lot too much to me for me to be away from you guys for so long. In four years I might be rich, but I would be unhappy. I would be bored. But you guys—us; we will be interesting, and funny, and bold, and unpredictable forever.”

I swallowed hard, and my eyes met the blues of the boy who had the courage to go against the majorities better judgement and bring me home. He had the same wild look on his face.

I hadn’t expected JJ to speak for me, to try and mellow out the anger I knew I would receive and backtrack against the backlash I would surely face. But out of everyone, I thought I could count on him to have my back.

And he just, didn’t.

I decided then I wouldn’t stay in the eye of the hurricane when I knew what it was capable of. I wouldn’t let myself become part of its destruction if I knew I could separate myself from it for just a moment, to remove myself from all the disappointed stares.

My feet hit the wood of the long dock, the bottoms of my shoes echoing through each plank of wood, all borrowed from the destruction of a past home.

I thought of packing up, leaving, heading over to some other place I could call home temporarily, but my fingers hesitated to reach under the bed, and my knuckles curled away from the zipper that connected to the duffle bag that was squished between dirty clothes and shoe boxes filled with memories.

A hand spun me around, pulling me from the daze I had put myself in the second I walked into the new bedroom that was mine to keep in the newly fixed home. It was calloused and warm, yet the coolness of the rings decorated on each finger revealed who the strong hold belonged to.

“Why couldn’t you say something?” I asked bitterly before my eyes even met his. It was just JJ and I in the confinement of our bedroom. The door shut without a crack and the windows sealed off from the outside.

“I told you I wouldn’t.” He smiled. I didn’t find it funny.

“No, but you could have defended me. I would have done it for you.” My lip wobbled. My throat stung, and JJ’s eyes softened. He must have believed it was because he hurt me, but it wasn’t his fault. It was just the idea that nobody would ever deal with what I felt because they hadn’t been burdened with the feeling of it ever before. And therefore, nobody would ever get it, nor have an inkling of an understanding of why I had to come home.

“Y/n/n, come on. It’ll blow over. They’ll be happy to have you back as soon as they get over it.” He tried to comfort me.

When his hands found my shoulders, it felt belittling, condescending, though I knew it wasn’t the case. I convinced myself it was because I was angry. Spiteful, maybe.

“No, JJ, stop. Stop touching me like you care, I can’t…I can’t stand it right now.” I stepped away, throwing his hands off of me like they were poison, or fire, or both.

“Everyone is looking at me like I’m a failure! Like…like I’m something to be embarrassed about. But who are they to say that I failed? Right? I spent my whole life, the years when I’m supposed to be finding myself licking the dirt off of other peoples shoes! And I took it and I didn’t complain because I thought that maybe my day would come, and it hasn’t! How is that fair? And to think I was stupid enough to think that something good would happen to me. But the truth is I hate being out of this stupid town, and this stupid town hates me. I-it’s like they’re all spitting on me and blaming it on the wind. And don’t look at me like I’m crazy because I love you too damn hard to be looked at like that by a boy I would give my whole life for!”

I breathed heavily through my teeth, and my chest raised with so much vigor in my voice, I shook the air with a desperate anger I had felt marinating for decades beneath my skin. Yet, the manhunting and the blaming had pushed it down, and the failure and the fear had only boiled it back up. But it was always there, simmering. JJ just laughed.

“I’m only looking at you like you’re crazy because I think you’re too good to care what anyone has to say about you.” He explained with a smile.

“To you, maybe. But that doesn’t make it true. Whats true is that they all had some image of me painted for them the second I made the decision to go to college, and it was wrong. Because I’m not nearly smart enough to be as interesting or independent as they want me to be. I can’t do organic chemistry, I’ve never passed a calculus test, I’m not a doctor. Nobody ever supported those dreams anyways, not even me, because as amazing as it would be to become those versions of myself, it’s not me.” My face crumpled in defeat finally.

“I’m not…good enough for anything outside of this town.”

For the first time in my life, I saw something in JJ’s eyes as I confessed how I saw myself, how I let my friends—no, my families anger affect how I saw my decisions. I saw dapples of disappointment flickering in the sea of his eyes.

“Do you really think thats true?” He asked calmly, softly. He ran a hand through his hair. He wanted to reach out for me, but he too shared that feeling of uncertainty that had consumed me in the past months.

“Good god, maybe they were right. Maybe you are a failure.” JJ sighed, and my breathing halted. “How can you for one second believe that anything they have to say is true? How can you believe that these things you think about yourself are true?”

“Well what am I supposed to believe? We were all raised to believe the same things, right? The engineers and the scientists are necessary but nobody needs the family man or-or the artists to carry on, right? So why should my dreams of just simple living be tolerated when everyone else craves so much more?” I cried.

“Do you even hear yourself? It’s contradictory in every sentence!” JJ yelled furiously back at me. But his anger wasn’t placed at me, but at the things that led me to believe what I thought.

“Just a few hours ago you were excited to come home. You were certain that this is what you wanted because it was your dream and your life! You wanted to find yourself, to know who you are. And you were right! More dead on than anyone had ever been in my life, and hearing you speak about what you knew inspired me to think more for myself than for the benefit of everyone else! College, or some fancy job, or money won’t make any of us know who we are, that’s your job!” JJ’s eyes were wide. He had decided now, and his hands found a home on my arms, squeezing hard and passionately.

“Anyone can be those things they want you to be, but I promise you, if you stick with what you know you want, everyone you touch will remember you for centuries.” He promised me softly.

“And how do I know if I even know myself? What if I’ve never been home enough long enough to know?”

“Then you’ll find it. You’ll find it, and I’ll find it too. We can find it together.”

My eyes searched his. I could no longer blink away my tears. The liquid was much warmer than the rain that had pelted against my skin, that had slipped down my back and under my shirt to touch the most painful and terrifying parts of myself that I had refused to acknowledge or recover for some time. It was hard to recognize it all, to know exactly who I wanted to be, so, I did what I did know.

I wrapped my arms around JJ tightly, burying my head in the wrinkles of his shirt and let the patterns his arms rubbed circles in my back guide the way I swayed. I let him hold me, because if anything could be uncertain then he was nothing. He was the one thing I’d always known, and maybe that was why I had called him that night. Because in every memory I ever had, he was the one defining memory of home. He was home.

“Will you be mad at me if I never find it?” I asked pathetically against his chest.

“No.” He responded softly, muffled by the way his lips pressed into the top of my head affectionately.

“I could never be mad at you.”

#jj maybank x pogue!reader #jj maybank x routledge!reader #jj maybank x y/n #jj mayback imagine #jj maybank fluff #jj mayback x reader #jj maybank x you #jjmaybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jjmaybankangst #maybank #maybankxyou #maybankxreader

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sweatervest-obsessed · 5 months ago

Text

Can You Come Around

Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader

pairing: modern!steve harrington x modern!fem!reader

wc: 2629

cw: mad flirting, swearing, alcohol, drinking, weed, smoking, mentions of cheating, men being weird, smut, 18+ mdni, fingering, teasing

a/n: set in modern times with the reader as the front woman of a new band in NYC. hope you guys like it!!

steve masterlist

“Goddamn” Eddie whispered as they all stared up at the stage.

It was Robin’s twenty-first birthday, causing everyone to meet up in New York City. Since Robin was the last of the eldest teens to turn of legal drinking age, the group decided to go on a small trip in honor of the momentous occasion.

A four day trip with four of Steve’s closest friends—what could possibly go wrong.

Originally? Nothing.

Wednesday and Thursday went off without a hitch. Seeing as her birthday was Wednesday, they spent the night bar hopping, snagging free drinks from those who were feeling generous enough to donate to their celebration, and snagging as many free desserts from as many restaurants as possible.

Then Friday night hit. Abandoning their original plan to try this bar near NYU that Nancy had been raving about, they found themselves in some other part of Greenwich, at this random bar that Eddie just had to go to.

You see, the group had run into one of Eddie’s old friends on Thursday, and he wouldn’t stop raving about this random band that only Eddie seemed to have heard about. And that’s when Eddie turned to look at the group.

“No.”

“Nancy—”

“I said no Eddie, this was the plan–”

At one point he even got on his knees and pleaded with Nancy.

She eventually caved when Eddie offered to sponsor her drinks for the rest of her trip.

Which is how they found themselves packed in the back corner of this surprising large space. It had to have spanned across two buildings since it was just this giant, underground hall that was covered in drawings, in stickers, in posters, in murals, in graffiti—dark, but not dingy, which Nancy and Robin greatly appreciated. Once the group had managed to snag a table in the back, and gotten their drinks, they all started talking to one another.

It was loud, but since there was no music playing, they could still hear one another pretty well.

That was until your band walked on stage the crowd of college kids roared.

To say that Steve was completely and utterly entranced by you was an understatement. The roaming lights around the audience would catch his eyes every now and again, but it didn’t matter if he was being blinded since he could only see you anyways.

As you greeted the audience, Eddie elbowed Steve slightly in an ‘I told you so’ manner. “You’re going to fucking love them man.”

Steve only nodded in response, watching your smile broaden with each roar of applause from the crowd.

The night went on like this, Steve being completely despondent from all conversations happening at the table, and the group making fun of his infatuation. He barely even finished the beer in his hand, only able to focus on the sound of your voice filling up every available inch of room. It was hard to not breathe you in with every single inhale he took.

As the night was winding down, the crowd only grew. But as all good things, your performance had to come to an end. Your voice rang out.

“New York!”

They roared in response to you.

“I just want to thank you all for coming out tonight to support me and my friends. At the end of the day we’re just a bunch of idiot twenty-two years old that fucking love music, and we’re so grateful you guys decided to come out and support us tonight.”

Steve heard Eddie scream over his shoulder with the rest of the crowd.

“Now, we only have one song left in our set–I know I know it’s devastating but some of us wanna get fucked up too.”

The opening chords of the song rang out and Steve swore he was going to go deaf. He had never actually felt sound before, but there was a first time for everything.

Nancy whacked Eddie’s shoulder. “I fucking love this song, why didn’t you lead with that?”

Eddie’s eyes grew wide as your voice floated over.

Can you come around? Fuck me nice.

“You know—you LIKE–this song?”

Pull my hair. Sing me lullabies.

“Eddie, we listened to it in the van on the way here..”

And we can pretend that we're in love.

Steve blocked out the rest of their conversations and zeroed in on the thrumming of his pulse as you continued to sing.

“When you come around, I’ll wear red. And I’ll forget all the awful things you’ve ever said. And we can pretend that we're in love.”

Singing has been a passion of yours from a very young age. You were in vocal lessons the second you turned four, and dance lessons by five. Your parents were certain you were going to be the next broadway triple threat. You had even picked up the guitar and piano by age seven. But by the time you hit middle school, you had become more interested in writing, in poetry. You dropped the dance lessons and picked up drum lessons instead, much to the chagrin of your father. Writing poetry turned into writing music, and suddenly you were sneaking off to go to concerts every night, finding ways to get into bars to see local singers and bands. It was exhilarating watching people pursue their passion.

You found your bandmates in your first semester at Columbia. You had been in the wrong place at the right time, finding out that one of your lab partners could also play the guitar and the bass. And then you found out she knew someone who played the drums who was looking for a few people to hangout with. Then you found out that the drummer's sister was a keyboardist who was over at NYU. And NYU’s roommate? Well she just so happened to be one of the greatest guitar players you had ever heard.

That’s when you guys started playing and writing music together.

“Until I throw a punch and you call me a cunt and that tips me over the edge. Ah, you throw my phone out the window. The next thing the neighbor says she’s calling’ the feds, and I wish you were dead. For a sec. I wish you dead. “

You couldn’t help but feel as though someone had shot electricity through your veins. Any time you stepped out on that stage, it was as if the world shifted under your feet and suddenly you could feel every single pulse of every single person in the audience.

Tonight was no exception. You had officially released two EPs with collections of songs on them over the past few years, but a few weeks ago, your band had signed with an agent, who was able to get you more gigs, better gigs. She was incredible.

Exactly a week ago, you had released your first ever single with a label. Your EPs were listened to, and you were an up-and-coming group to look out for, for sure, but you had never had a single before.

It blew up.

“But you come around. At ten pm. We watch tv. We break the bed.”

Tonight was the first time you were singing the single live, and hearing the entire audience screaming the words back to you took your breath away. You almost forgot the next words since you were so baffled at just how many people knew your songs, how many people knew the words.

And we can pretend that we're in love. We can pretend that we’re in love.”

You couldn’t help as your eyes roamed the entire audience the whole night, but during this final song, you locked eyes with someone in the back.

He had these gorgeous eyes that only showed for a brief second as the light that had roamed over him, before it moved on and he was gone again.

Your heart almost jumped into your throat and your stomach flipped. Who the fuck was this man, and how did you find him once you finished singing this song?

This song was written over the course of twenty-seven minutes.

About four months ago, your relationship of three years had decided that you weren’t enough. And instead of ending it all proper-like, he decided to go and fuck some random girl in his ethics class.

The irony was not lost on you.

For a sec. I wish you dead. I wish you were dead.

After you had finished performing, you went backstage, congratulating your bandmates, but your mind was somewhere else. It was in the back of the venue with one of the most gorgeous men you had ever seen in your life.

At the same time, Steve Harrington was running through all of the ways he would be able to find you in this crowd. He wasn’t about to tell his friends he was running off to find you, since it was Robin’s birthday night after all, but he wasn’t about to not take the chance.

“They’re fucking amazing…” Robin slurred out a little bit, having had six shots in the past ten minutes. Wearing a “It’s my birthday” sash in a bar is all fun and games until you receive your tenth tequila shot and eighth free margarita from kind strangers.

“Alright…maybe we should…”

Steve and Eddie chuckled at the sound that emanated from Robin’s mouth. He was sure if he put in the effort, he could translate it to a negative response to Nancy’s suggestion.

“I’ll be right back Eds, while Nance and Johnny take Robin back. I know you wanted to stay out a little longer.” He muttered to Eddie before heading off, towards the hallway near the side of the venue.

Steve found a bouncer near the end of the hallway who was smoking a cigarette and nodded outside. “Do you mind if I…?”

The guy shook his head. “Knock twice to be let back in, yeah?”

Steve nodded and headed outside, reaching into his pocket to pull out a joint from the small container in his pocket.

Just as he did so, he heard a cough from beside him. “You don’t happen to have a…”

As Steve looked up, your voice trailed off. The rest of your sentence didn’t matter since you were face to face with the mystery man from the back of the room.

“Hey you’re–” Steve pointed at you before realzing how fucking dumb he must sound. But you just shrugged and nodded.

“Yeah. How’d you like the show?”

Steve held the lighter up and lit the joint that was in your hand. “Loved it.”

“Yeah?”

All you could notice was how gorgeous his eyes were again, stunned into a moment of hesitation with words since you were absolutely too mesmerized by him.

“Great fucking show.”

That and his hands. You would let those fucking hands do anything to you.

“Think so?”

Steve nodded, and bit his lip as he looked you up and down shamelessly.

You come around. Fuck me nice. Pull my hair. Sing me lullabies.

You shoved Steve up against a wall, lips against his. He tasted like weed and whatever beer he had been drinking earlier.

His hands cupped your ass as the two of you began to make out in the dimly lit alley behind the venue.

No other words needed.

Your body rolled reflexively against his, causing him to moan softly into your mouth.

“Just gonna kiss me pretty boy or…” You muttered as you kissed across his jaw, sucking and leaving marks all across his neck.

Steve took the opportunity to roll the both of you against the wall so now his body pressed yours up against it.

His hands had moved from your back to your hips, squeezing them ever so slightly as to get more of a rise out of you.

It was working.

He slipped one of his hands down the curve of your hip and to the front of your jeans, unzipping them as you moaned into his mouth. The fingers that had previously been on his neck were now twisted in his hair.

Steve’s pointer finger slid up your panties, causing your whole body to jolt at the touch of him between your thighs.

“Please…fuck…P-Please.”

His lips trailed down your cheek and towards your neck.

The feeling of his hand so close to your pussy and the fanning of his breath over your neck was enough to almost send you over the edge right then and there.

Steve knew better than to keep you waiting. Brushing aside your underwear with his thumb, he pressed a finger up into your core.

Steve’s eye’s grew darker at the feeling of how completely soaked you were, just for him.

Your hips rocked back and forth slightly, trying to get him to move, trying to get the friction.

Steve took the hint and dug his finger in further, getting up to his knuckle in pussy.

Once Steve had thouroughly fucked you with just one finger, he decided to add another. And then another, causing you to tug even more on his hair.

Steve decided right then and there, he loved the feeling of your squirming on his hand while you yanked the shit out of his hair.

“F-fuck–shit I’m…I’m so..”

Steve started rapidly curling his fingers inside of you, over and over and over again, brushing against your g-spot over and over and over again.

His other hand came up to your mouth and he slowly pushed his two middle fingers inside, causing you to slightly choke on them, and then moan.

It was muffled by the digits in your mouth, but it was the final straw that caused your orgasm to snap your body in half. Choking slightly on one hand, and your pussy convulsing on his other, you had ascended to heaven.

A man had never made you cum just by fingering you before.

In the midst of your orgasm, body spasming at Steve’s fingers contined to fuck your insides, that Steve was probably just a god—a sex god really. No man could be this handsome and fuckable, while also being phenomenal at sex.

Eventually as your body calmed down, and Steve removed his hand from your mouth, you felt his lips on yours. Your hand instantly shoved him hard against your lips, feeling the need to feel something of his skin on yours.

He slowly circled his fingers causing your body to let out another moan, sending a shiver up your spine.

After a few moments Steve pulled away, and you opened your eyes to take another look at the man standing with you. As you did so, he very gently pulled his hand out, looking you in the eyes the whole time.

You might as well had cum a second time right then and there as he slowly slipped his fingers, covered in your orgasm, into his mouth. If you thought about it too much, you were sure you basically drooled right then and there for this man.

“You…”

Steve raised his eyebrows at the fact that the woman he had just heard singing her heart out was now speechless at him.

“Me?”

“You’re coming back to my apartment.”

“Oh?”

You nodded and slid one of your hands down to zip up your jeans and fix your shirt. Not that it mattered since you looked like you had just been fucked to heaven and back in an alley.

Not even a moment later, just as Eddie was leaving the club he received a text from Steve:

Dont wait up

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jenny-in-a-jar · 7 months ago

Text

🖤💙 4 days until my Surgery 💙🖤

(Picture taken Dec 9th, 2023)

I'm very very excited for my surgery (it's my second gender affirming surgery but this one is more significant to me since it'll be top and bottom surgery) and I'm obviously counting the days until it and I thought some people might be interested in my trans journey 🏳️‍⚧️ So see part 7 below the cut.

Part 1 here

As the summer was ending, I got really lucky! A lesbian hairstylist (who helped organize the drag show I went in the last update) gave my name to this sales lady who sold accounting work to like companies and she needed help with researching CEO and CFO types. And she paid me out of pocket and honestly it was pretty easy internet research using Google. I felt like a little rat scurrying across the Internet 🐀 So, thank you lesbians 🙏🙏

(Picture taken Nov 6th, 2022)

Apparently I really impressed her so she got me hired full time as a sales admin for her company (I wouldn't have gotten with my lack of a college degree without her) and I've had that job since! And a lot of my transition wouldn't be possible without the pay and benefits of this job. Also this is my first job where I get gendered correctly and I'm slowly getting less anxious about going to the bathroom at work 🥰

She honestly mom'd up on me and bought me a bunch of new business casual clothes for the job. And here's an example of one of my new work outfits 😁

(Picture taken Nov 14, 2022)

Bc of the new job I was able to afford a lot more things for transitioning! Like voice training. I remember when I first cracked I tried to just teach myself using videos but I wasn't good at it 😅 Also a friend during the summer of 2022 helped me and I did make some progress with her help. But, I started making a lot more progress once I started seeing a speech therapist. But, there was a barrier since I could tell she hadn't worked too much with trans people. I went to a speech therapist bc it was covered by my insurance but she moved and then I couldn't find anyone for insurance covered speech therapy. So, I eventually just paid for lessons Your Lessons Now. And, honestly it's going a lot better! It's really nice to be able to talk about my frustrations with voice training with another transfem. The biggest thing I'm learning from here is how to break the bad habit of pitching up my voice by squeezing my vocal chords.

(Picture taken Sept 8th, 2023)

I had also switched to injections and I highly recommend it! A friend even made my first two vials into earrings 🔥

I also got a lot lazier with makeup 😅 I do eyeliner wings, mascara, and blush for when I go into the office. Which for a bunch of accountants means I do about as much makeup that is normal for the women in the office 🤷‍♀️

(Pictures taken October 31st and December 2nd of 2022)

These were two notable exceptions. I really love the makeup I did for the Halloween of 2022 bc I decided to go as a ghost-type trainer. And the one on the right is when I learned how to use concealer to cover my 'raccoon eyes' as my dad liked to call them 🦝

Also this would be a good time to mention something I probably should've mentioned earlier 😅 I never learned how to use foundation. I know it's easy but I have a weird mental block around it 🤷‍♀️ But, in the summer of 2021 I started doing twice daily skincare routine for my face. Which took me from a very acne heavy face to people being surprised I'm not wearing foundation. Also the routine is really nice. Would recommend to those who want to get rid of their acne (send an ask if you want to know specifics).

(Picture taken Aug 20, 2023)

Romance update since I've been doing that lol: Well, things ended with all the girlfriends I had so I am down to 1 partner. And I got caught in a romance scam for a few months 😭 However, I can't really complain because I got engaged!!! It was so sweet in cute. My partner and I had this date the night before Valentine's Day under a statue outside of a local art museum. We read sapphic poetry by candle light and then they popped the question 🥰🥰

But, I say another big part of this era was I made a lot more local trans friends. Went to a good amount of house parties which would've surprised pre-transition me! And I really love my community of queer people I've been building 🥺🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️💕

(Picture taken July 21st, 2023)

Oh yeah!! I also started laser hair removal at the beginning of 2021 as well. Which was before this era but time is a lie. But the new job definitely made it easier to afford.

The biggest step for my transition was getting my surgeries set up!! And my FFS (facial feminization surgery) marks the end of this era. Below was the last picture I took before my FFS.

(Picture taken Feb 17th, 2024)

So, in my next update, I'll be showing my post-op pictures once most of the swelling went down. See you tomorrow!! 😁✌️

Next Part Here

#trans journey #trans #girlslikeus #ok to rb #transfem #tranzjen pics #transgender

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redrose10 · 4 months ago

Note

Hey, Could I, please, have a story with picture number 2? It'd be awesome if you could turn it into a time traveller story, but you don't have to. I fully trust your talent and skills.

On the other hand, I think it's awesome how you could turn having very bad anxiety and panic attacks into such a nice short story. I hope you're better now. I don't know if you wrote it for the sake of the story or if it's true for you too, but The Last and Snooze are my two favourite songs from Yoongi :) I really loved that part in the story where you wrote about Yoongi's indigestion problems, it made me laugh.

Take care and get well soon :)

They are great songs that help a lot!

I hope this is okay. It’s kind of time traveler-ish but probably not what you were expecting. It’s spooky season themed too.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Here is number 2 from the picture game!

Warnings: mentions of death, very slightly suggestive, angst

Disclaimer: Some things may not be correct for the time period. I tried my best.

“Spells, Potions, and Magic, Solutions for the Everyday Witch”, you rolled your eyes before tossing the heavy ornate book into a box. You always knew that your neighbor Ms. M as she was called was a little on the odd side but when her daughter offered you $200 to clean out her moms home after she passed away, as a broke college student you couldn’t say no.

It was simple. You could keep anything you wanted and everything else got chucked into a large dumpster that was sitting outside. There was also this book that apparently Ms.M had insisted you have even though you thought it was a little weird. Other than the book you kept a few pots and pans, a couple vintage sweaters, and what looked like a handmaid quilt. You had a box of stuff you thought that maybe you could sell for a little extra cash too.

You felt bad just throwing away this woman’s entire life like she had never existed but that’s what you were paid to do.

After you were all finished you collected your payment and your items and headed back home to your place.

The box of stuff you were planning to sell consisted of mostly some jewelry, a very old vase, a Chanel purse you were praying was real, and the spell book. You knew the campus bookstore would definitely send some cash or at least store credit your way for that one and you did not want it taking up space in your already cramped home.

After making yourself some dinner your curiosity got the best of you and you started flipping through the pages of the book.

‘How to turn your enemy into a frog. A step by step guide.’, you rolled your eyes because how original?

‘Black cat following you around? Use this spell to reveal their true identity.’, okay maybe the cat is just hungry you laughed.

‘Death by chocolate cake’, you 100% expected to find just a normal recipe for chocolate cake which you did until the very last ingredient said a touch of arsenic and you realized they weren’t kidding about the death part.

Interestingly there was one page in particular that seemed to have been opened to more times than the others.

‘How to bring someone back from the twilight.’, useful I guess if someone accidentally ate your death by chocolate cake you chuckled.

You wondered if maybe Ms.M had spent much of her life trying to bring someone back from the dead, maybe a former lover. She was probably so grief stricken she was desperate and thought something as ridiculous as a spell could work. You felt bad for the woman and whomever it was that she thought she could bring back.

Putting the book aside you started going through some of the jewelry you took to see what was profitable. What looked to be a man’s ring caught your attention first. It was very intricate with a beautiful carving of what you thought was a jaguar. The eyes appeared to be made out of diamonds or so you hoped because that would definitely up the value when you try to sell it.

You went through some of the other jewelry but for some reason that book kept pulling your attention back to it. You went back to the page with the spell about bringing someone back. As you fidgeted with the jaguar ring you began to read,

“When the moon reaches full peak and the skies are clear, read this verse, there is nothing to fear. Lost in the twilight, shall be no more. Once true loves companion, completes the lore.”, what the hell you laughed. You would have thought this was meant as a Halloween book for toddlers or something if it wasn’t for the recipe on how to murder someone with chocolate cake.

Having had enough you decided it was time for bed and you’d deal with the stuff after your classes tomorrow. You kept the ring with you wanting to make sure it was safe and went upstairs to finish your nightly routine.

When you woke up the next morning you stretched feeling a little sore from all the heavy lifting you did the day before. You reached over to turn off your alarm clock when you felt an arm wrap around your waist and pull you close. It took a second for you to realize what just happened and that someone was currently in your bed with you, but once it hit you, it hit you like a bus.

You jumped out of bed in one quick movement stumbling for your light switch. Once the room was illuminated you got a good look at who was in your bed.

A man, yes a full grown man was peacefully sleeping next to you and at one point had his arm wrapped around you.

You had experienced one night stands before. It wasn’t your favorite thing to do but you had needs too. Never though had you ever had a one night stand that you didn’t remember. And you didn’t even leave your house last night so how did this happen?

What made you even more curious was that this guy didn’t look like the typical guys you were used to seeing around town. His hair was dark black and wavy and long, one side gently tucked behind his ear. His skin care routine must’ve been top notch because he didn’t have a single blemish and judging by how pale he was he either rarely left his house or was strict about sun protection. His clothes are what threw you off the most. Most of the guys you were around wore tshirts, hoodies, jeans, sweats and things like that. Not this guy. He looked like he was straight out of an 1800’s men’s fashion magazine, if that thing existed back then. The worst part was that you caught yourself staring at him a little too long. He was breathtakingly beautiful and you were a little sad that you didn’t remember anything from your time with him because you definitely would’ve liked to.

And then you reminded yourself that he was some guy you didn’t know and you should probably wake him up so he could get the hell out of your house and you could go on with your day.

Gently you poked at his shoulder but with no reaction. So you poked a little harder. This time he swatted at your hand and pouted which only made him look more beautiful.

So then you poked him even harder, “Um excuse me.”

This time he groaned before opening his eyes to look at you. It took a second but then he screamed and jumped out of the bed making you scream and jump back towards the door.

“Who are you?”, he asked groggy and out of breath.

That hurt a little that he didn’t remember you even though you were in the same boat but you’d like to think you were unforgettable so how dare he?

“Y/N, who are you?”

“Min Yoongi.”

“Okay Yoongi well whatever we did last night is over so it’s time for you to get going. I have class to get to.”, you said motioning towards the door.

You must’ve hit snooze instead of off on your alarm because it started making that familiar annoying ringing again.

Yoongi quickly brought his hands to his face to shield himself and he slightly crouched down, “What is that thing? Is it going to explode?”

You looked at him confused. “I wish. It’s just the alarm clock on my phone.”, you said showing him that you were turning it off.

He stood back up and smoothly moved his hair back behind his ear.

“Mmhm, where is the lavatory?”, he asked suddenly.

“I’m sorry what?”

“The lavatory, latrine…the toilet?”

“Ohh down the hall and first door on the left.”, you said pointing. He walked past you with a nod and you heard the door click shut.

“Jeeze, where did I find this guy?”, you asked yourself.

You took the time that he was in the bathroom to get dressed and went downstairs thankful that you had a second bathroom so you could finish getting ready there. Once you were done you went into the kitchen and got your coffee going and poured yourself a bowl of cereal, too tired to really cook anything. You took the book and the rest of the stuff from the night before and tossed it in the box so that it was out of the way.

After a few minutes Yoongi walked into the kitchen. You were kind of annoyed that he didn’t get the hint to leave but you still wanted to be polite because that was who you were, “Would you like some coffee?”

He nodded so you poured him a cup, “I have pumpkin spice or caramel macchiato flavored creamers.”

He looked at you with a straight face, “Pumpkins aren’t spicy.”

“Okay black it is.”, you whispered handing him the mug.

“Would you like some cereal?”, you asked.

Thankfully he shook his head because you had no idea how you would explain why your breakfast cereal had different colored marshmallows in it, something you just knew he would question.

You ate in awkward silence hoping he would eventually just get up and leave after realizing you weren’t interested.

Your phone which had been sitting on the counter charging dinged with a notification making Yoongi flinch back. “Why does that thing keep making noises?”, he asked still shaken.

“Well it’s a phone. That’s what they do.”, you said starting to get annoyed.

“Well back in my day there was only one phone for the whole city and it was attached to a wall at the courthouse and only made one sound.”, he said just as annoyed.

You took another bite of cereal unsure how to answer that but knowing that you needed to get this man out of your house and then reevaluate your life decisions.

“So uh did you need me to call you an Uber or something?”

“Uber?”

“Or Lyft or taxi or give you money for the bus?”, you said running out of options.

“Do you not have a horse and buggy to take me home in?”, he asked as if you were the odd one in this situation.

Slowly you shook your head, “Noooooo I’m sorry my buggy is currently in the shop and my horse is on vacation.”

You realized rather quickly that he did not appreciate the joke.

No longer having an appetite you started to collect your dishes when Yoongi grabbed your hand. He inspected it closely and that’s when you released you were still wearing the ring.

“How did you get that? That’s my ring.”, he asked.

“Umm it was in my neighbors stuff that I helped clear out yesterday.”

“Your neighbor? Where is she? I must see her.”

You were taken back a little by his outburst.

“Well she died about a month ago so I don’t really know how I can do that.”

Yoongi scoffed, “Good, I hope she’s burning in hell where she belongs that evil shrew.”

You raised an eyebrow not having heard anyone use that word outside of movies.

“How did it happen? Was she hung from the gallows? Slowly and painfully from Cholera?”, he asked a little too excited.

“Ummm she was like 100 million years old so I’m guessing that had something to do with it.”

“What year is it?”, he asked suddenly?

“2024”

“About 221.”, he stated matter of factly.

“I’m sorry?”

“She…your neighbor…Lenora…She was born in 1803 so she would be 221 years old.”

“And you know this how?”

“She’s my little sister.”

“Oookkkaayy”, you said, “Why is it always the hottest ones that are the craziest?”

“I am neither hot nor crazy. It’s quite chilly actually.” Yoongi said after overhearing you.

“No hot means like attractive, sexy, good looking.”, you said before feeling your cheeks heat up at the realization. Thankfully it seemed like he didn’t really understand anyways so you moved on.

“Sooo I’m gonna call someone to come give you a ride.”, you said reaching for your phone.

“A ride…with a horse?”

You smiled, “Uh no in a car with flashing lights that plays a song as it’s driving so people know to get out of the way.”

He looked impressed and nodded his head in acceptance.

“There it is!! I knew that evil witch had it this whole time.”, he suddenly gasped making you jump forgetting about the call you were trying to make.

Yoongi reached over taking the spell book that you had thrown in the box.

“I was looking for this. I knew she had it but she refused to give it back. She probably knew I’d become even stronger with it in my possession.”

“Stronger?”

He nodded, “Yes and then I’d become The Supreme.”

“The Supreme?”

He sighed, “The Supreme Witch. We’re witches. Do they teach nothing at school any more?”

“Sorry I haven’t taken Witches 101 yet. I’ll see if they offer it next semester.”

He shook his head, “Don’t bother. I’ll teach you.”

You sighed but took a seat anyways.

“You see every two hundred years a new supreme is appointed to each coven. A selection of witches go through seven different tests to gage their strengths and weaknesses. My sister and I were in the finale up against each other tied three to three. She knew there was no way she could beat me in the finale test on her own. So somehow she disabled my protector spell while I was sleeping and she used a curse to send me to the twilight. I’ve been stuck there ever since…until you got me out somehow. Are you a witch by the way? What family do you belong to?”

You chuckled, “Yeah definitely not a witch. All I did was read something from that book. It was a page that seemed to be used a lot. Maybe your sister was trying to get you back.” He started flipping though the pages of the book when a photo fell out. It was black and white and low quality but you could still make it out. Yoongi stood smiling next to a woman you figured to be his sister and former neighbor. You could definitely see the resemblance of your former elderly neighbor in the young smiling woman’s face. Yoongi looked exactly the same just with a big gummy smile that made your heart race.

He smirked as he looked over the photo, “Doubt it. We’ve always hated each other.”

He read something on the back that you couldn’t see before tucking the photo in the book.

“Can you take me to the city? I need to speak with someone.”, he suddenly asked.

You checked the time and figured since you were already late for class and probably dead for all you knew at this point, you agreed.

“Sure but first we need to get you to change your clothes.”

Yoongi looked offended, “What’s wrong with my clothes? These are very expensive and in high fashion.”

“Maybe in the 1800s but right now you look ridiculous.”, you chuckled.

Thankfully you had a stash of your brothers clothes that he always forgot whenever he visited you and they might just fit your new friend.

When he finally came downstairs your mouth unapologetically dropped open. You thought he looked good before but this was on a whole other level. The jeans fit perfectly. The tshirt a tinsy tiny bit too tight in the arms and chest area but no one would complain. The Jordans that you knew your brother would kill you if he saw you letting anyone else wear looked like they were made just for Yoongi. He had put his hair in a half up half down situation and you were wondering where he got the hair tie from but you didn’t care because you were ready to buy them in bulk for him anyways.

“NOW I look ridiculous. This is how men dress these days?”, he said feeling insecure with you staring at him.

“You know if we stop at the seamstress I’ll have her patch your brothers pants. Poor guy can’t even afford to fix the holes.”, he continued.

“It’s done on purpose. They’re supposed to look like that.”, you laughed

This time it was Yoongi’s mouth that dropped open, “Wait so he actually pays money to buy pants that already have holes in them?”

You nodded and laughed, “Yeah a lot of money too.”

He shook his head in disbelief.

In the car you showed him how to use the seatbelt and once he was comfortable you started the engine.

“Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday

Seven days a week

Every hour, every minute, every second

You know, night after night

I'll be lovin' you right, seven days a week”, blasted through the speakers reminded you that you were definitely not the same person you were last night so you turned the volume way down.

“Ugh what is that racket?”, Yoongi questioned with his hands over his ears.

“That’s Jungkook. He’s like one of the most popular musicians right now.”

“This is considered music now?!”

“Yeah it is.”, you laughed showing him a photo of Jungkook on your phone.

“He’s adorable.”, Yoongi cooed, “And HE’S the one that sings such a stupid song about days of the week?”

“Well the song is not really about days of the week”.

Yoongi stared waiting for you to continue, “It’s about…it’s about sex.”

His eyes went wide. “And they let that be played to the public?”, he hissed almost more embarrassed than you.

“Yeah this song is pretty mild compared to others.”, you chuckled.

You offered to drive in silence but Yoongi insisted on listening to more of this Jungkook fellows music which you happily obliged.

“Where exactly are we headed? I kind of need to know where to drive.”, you asked.

“Well it’s a book store. It’s right next to the horse stable and across from the general store.”

“Okay well uh I’ll start driving and you tell me if anything looks familiar.”

Yoongi was amazed by all of the new technology. Traffic lights, billboards, hundreds of cars passing by.

“Wait wait wait…So we don’t even have to get out of the car? They just hand us the drink through that little window?”, he asked after you had stopped to use a drive thru for a snack.

You smiled as you watched his eyes light up when he sipped on a pumpkin spice latte completely forgetting about his disdain about it earlier.

Eventually you somehow made it to the location he wanted which also happened to be the campus bookstore.

You followed Yoongi inside and watched as he walked right up to Jimin who was standing at the counter.

“Hi Y/N”, he smiled until he noticed Yoongi standing next to you, “Yo-Yoongi?”

“It’s been a while. How is Emmy?”, he asked.

“She’s good. We have two kids now, two little girls.”

Yoongi nodded, “I’m so glad to hear that. I’d love to meet them.”

“You look good.”, Jimin praised him but Yoongi scoffed, “I look absolutely ridiculous.”

“No man this is what the kids these days are wearing. You fit right in.”

You watched on in awe as you found out that the guy who worked at the campus bookstore whom you at one point had a small crush on was apparently a 250 year old witch who was also married to a fairy. And he was now talking to a 250 year old witch who you accidentally brought back from something called the twilight where his sister, your deceased elder neighbor, sent him over a hundred years or so ago. You thought you were going crazier by the minute.

“So do you have it still?”, you heard Yoongi ask Jimin.

“Yeah uh she dropped it off about six weeks ago. She probably knew her time was coming. I thought about throwing it away since I didn’t think there was any chance but I’m glad I saved it since you’re here.”, he said handing over a small envelope to Yoongi.

“Thank you.”, he nodded before turning to leave the store. You said goodbye and followed after him outside.

Once back in your car he stared at the envelope in his hands. His name elaborately written on the front.

You remained silent realizing that he was going through something. It seemed like he was afraid of whatever was in that letter.

Gently he broke open the seal watching as the letter floated up in front of him and unfolded. A voice that you recognized as your neighbors began to speak,

“Hello brother, Good to see that you finally made it out of the twilight. I admit that I only sent you there because I fully believed you would be able to get yourself out of there in no time.

Honestly every-time a black cat crossed my path I thought it was going to be you. I know they were your favorite to shift into. If I had known that I’d never see you again though, I never would’ve done it. I missed you Yoongi. It was hard going through life without you. I hope that you can forgive me and maybe we can see each other again one day.

I left the spell book with my neighbor. Her name is Y/N. I think you’ll like her. She’s got a good head on her shoulders and there’s something special about her. I can sense it. I think she could be the one.

Take care Yoongi. Love your little sister and still the better witch, Lenora.”

There was a spark and then then letter burst into a hundred little pieces before disappearing into nothing.

“Ar-Are you okay?”, you asked after noticing he hadn’t moved.

He smiled, “Yeah better than I thought I would be. That’s all I ever wanted from her. An apology and to know she was okay.”

You nodded then began to drive home when he cleared his throat, “Y/N, can I court you?”

“I’m sorry, what?”, you chuckled.

“Can I court you? Like we spend time together and talk and hold hands and then kiss and then eventually we partake in the sexual pleasure of each other?”

You choked on air, “Oh you’re asking me out, like on a date?”

“Sure if that’s what you want to call it.”

“Yes I’ll go on a date with you but let’s start with dinner or coffee and then slowly work our way up to sexual pleasures.”, you smiled hoping he couldn’t see you blush.

He shrugged his shoulders, “I mean you did call me hot and I have been told that my tongue can work magic on the body that no spell could ever do but suit yourself. We can stick to pumpkin spice lattes if you’d prefer.”

You awkwardly laughed before deciding to hit the gas pedal just a tiny bit harder.

#bts #yoongi x reader #yoongi fanfic #min yoongi #bts fanfic #bts x reader #yoongi x y/n #yoongi fic #yoongi angst #yoongi #yoongi au #bts yoongi #yoongi fluff

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 year ago

Note

AITA for not wanting to play DnD with a teenager?

So I (22F) am in college and after classes I like to play DnD with four of my friends, Ricky (21M), Tara (21F) Lola (22F) and Julie (20F)

Well recently Tara's little sister Ashley (15F) has been hanging out at Tara's apartment, where we usually have our game sessions, after school. Like for about two weeks now. Tara says its because her mother got a new job and doesnt get off work until 7pm so Ashley stays at the apartment from 4pm till about 7:30pm when her mother comes to pick her up.

4 pm is when our game sessions start most of the time (depending on if any of us have night classes that day or not) which means we now have a literal child watching us play. And because of that Tara has asked that we tone down the game sessions to be more "appropriate" and we also cant get drunk until Ashley leaves (which is stupid because Julie is under 21 and we can drink around her just fine but whatever) frankly I didnt mind the constant audience since Ashley was far more interested in watching us play than watching TV or playing on Tara's switch.

Well apparently just watching wasnt good enough for the brat because when i got to Tara's apartment for a game, Ashley was sitting at our table, excitedly filling out a character sheet while chattering nonstop with Ricky and Lola (Julie wasn't coming this time she had the stomach flu)

I naturally asked what she was doing because she normally just watched. Ashley gave me a confused look and said that she was joining our game like we had apparently talked about in our groupchat the night prior. Ricky and Lola both backed her up and showed the groupchat.

I had seen the messages but I thought Tara was joking about adding a literal child that doesnt even have a learners permit to our game that we had been continuing for three months now. I naturally went to go confront Tara.

She said that I agreed to let Ashley join in and if I didn't want to play with her I could've just not come.

Is she fucking serious?

What kind of sane person would want to play with a literal child and its edgy as fuck character (like the character was a wolf necromancer dressed in all black with two random scars across its chest. You could smell the hot topic radiating from this cringefest)

Tara refused to listen to reason and instead insisted that Ashley can play just for tonight and if i didnt like it I could leave.

I had no choice to stay and play

It was so fucking miserable.

The brat was constantly making stupid mistakes and dragging the whole party down with her. We constantly had to stop so Ricky (our DM) could explain things that should've been obvious because Ashley was too stupid to actually figure it out. My character was having to bail her's out near constantly. It was getting to the point where I just wanted to legitimately slap Ashley. I didnt because Tara would absolutely murder me but oh the temptation was strong.

And the worst part? I was the only one who seemed to be upset that our game was being completely thrown off course. Ricky, Lola and Tara took all of Ashley's many many fuck ups in stride and actually seemed to be enjoying it.

I have no idea why, that game was a train wreck

After an hour of hell Ricky called it quits for the day.

Which was weird because we usually go well into the night most of the time. Once the game was over Tara grabbed me by the arm and led me to the kitchen.

She asked me what the hell my problem was because it was apparently MY fault the game went so poorly and not the literal child's.

So I let her have it.

I told her it was a stupid idea to let her dumbass sister play with us, that Ashley shouldnt be playing with adults and its stupid to expect us to bow to the whims of a fifteen year old. I told her I never wanted to play with stupid bitch ass of a sister ever again.

I left the apartment after that.

This morning I was removed from the groupchat and all my friends have blocked me

Except for Lola, who has been going off on me in dms all day, calling me a horrible person, transphobic, a bully and a bitch. Every name in the book. None of them are talking to me and Julie, who wasn't even there keeps calling me an asshole and says i should apologize

AITA? I dont think i did anything wrong but everyone else thinks I did

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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drdemonprince · 8 months ago

Text

I was talking to some relatives about our comparative sensitivities to substances. As a young person, I had the classic Autistic hyper-sensitivity to drugs. Two beers could knock me out. Anything past that was disgusting to me; at Ohio State I was constantly hiding half-drunk solo cups of Natty Light on bookshelves and in basements because I couldn't keep up with anyone else. I had no taste for weed or anything harder because I hated how tired it made me feel. At the same time, I always remained lucid on substances. I was always the person who could snap into practical, problem-solving thinking and put on a sober face if a member of my party got in trouble for pissing in the street or started fighting or ran afoul of the cops.

growing up, my friends were always trying to get fucked up so they could escape their brains and their realities, and then falling into huge problems because they'd done so. they'd get drunk and piss themselves. drive drunk home. fall in love with some dude on cocaine ten years older than them and then have to bust open a garage window with their fist when he was freaking out threatening himself. they'd blow out their caffeine receptors on weird drug store cold medicine and not be able to drink coffee for years. they'd drag themselves hung over to work or have to run a 5k still stoned. i didnt understand why they'd be so irrational. i was always the person sitting on the floor, a little tired but fine, watching them wrestle eachother drunkenly or cry when they'd started taking whatever drug it was to make themselves feel good. i didn't understand why someone would choose to weaken themselves and make themselves feel even worse. but nothing ever really felt good to me. i was just a flat line.

My sensitivity has changed thanks to testosterone, specifically because of muscle growth. I can throw back a number of drinks that startles me now, and feel almost nothing. A few months back a friend was being very generous with the boozy slushies at Sidetrack and the shots. I don't know how many I had. But more than I'd had to drink in many, many years at least. Which is probably still a small-seeming number to the real professionals, maybe something like 6 or 7 drinks total. But I felt completely fine, nothing past a little silly. I ate a taco on the curb, sipped some water, and then I was fine.

My sister is barely feels substances at all. She can't tell when pain medications work. In college, during a spat with a sorority "little" of hers who began to stalk her, she spent every afternoon at the bar downing shots from a shot-club list in exchange for a t-shirt, and it didn't affect her. She hates food and eats very little because of probably ARFID, but she will drink just about anything, and can do so in abundance if she wants to. But she rarely wants to, because it doesn't make her feel any more fucked up than a couple of cocktails. She smoked weed and took edibles sporadically for years without them ever kicking in or doing anything to her.

I am reminded of that story I read about the guy with really high social anxiety whom the CIA gave like ten tabs of acid, as part of some fucked up experiment, and he remained completely lucid, polite, present, and normal-seeming the entire time. Because he was just such a fucking tight-assed neurotic person that he couldn't let go of his iron-tight grip on reality. After his 12th acid tab, he got a little bit sleepy and went off to bed, or something like that. (If someone remembers this story and can find a link, send it to me!).

I don't know that I'd be the same, I've never tried, acid, but I imagine that it would play out something like that. I'd clench my firsts tight onto reality and keep masking as normal until I reached the absolute fucking brink of my ability to cope, and then I wouldn't enjoy the high, i'd just be so fucked up that I needed to go lie down. Mushrooms didn't affect me much, either.

I can't seem to escape my constant neurotic rumination and compulsive need to attend to the reactions of others and modulate myself. I wish I could let loose, but then again, when a person says they want one thing and they behave in a completely different way, trust the behavior. Clearly I don't want to lose control. I'm obsessed with maintaining my perspective. The one time I got properly zooted high at Nowadays in New York I nearly lost my phone, and I don't want to risk anything like that again. Anxiety is such a protective thing. we evolved to survive not to be happy. and all told i'm pretty good at keeping shit together, looking after myself, looking after others, and not fucking things up. my anxiety and rigidity has spared my ass a whole lot of problems, saved me a lot of money, helped my career, helped me escape arrest. i wish i could relax once in a fucking while but also i dont. im in love with what a tight ass sharp edged tense little bitch i can be. i dont know who the alternative version of me even would be. if i were to let properly loose and get sloppy it would feel like some abdication of duty, because I know that I *can* keep it together no matter what, and it seems so many people can't.

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lizzyscribbles · 5 months ago

Text

You know what I realized yesterday through an event that I desire to never deal with again in my entire life?? Toga’s parents really did suck.

Today’s Rambling Thought: Toga, and why her parents deserve hell.

Picture this, it’s the evening, I’m getting ready to get on a discord call with my friend because we’ve been watching MHA together and we usually chat between episodes (it’s their first time watching the show, we’re in season three). I go to use the bathroom and what do I find?? Remnants!!! Of a bird!! I’m not talking about a few feathers here, I’m talking bones, a pile of internal organs, and a half mutilated wing covered in blood and God knows what else. Completely dismembered. Of course, there are two potential culprits in this crime scene, both cats. (I should mention these aren’t my cats, I was watching them for a friend), but I’m pretty sure the one circling my feel and meowing proudly is the one. So, I get to clean up bird guts at like 8PM, trying my hardest not to gag.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT I DID TO THE POTENTIAL CRIMINAL??

Nothing. I patted his head and gave him a scratch.

All this delightful context to put into perspective this realization that came to me later that night, how is it that I - someone who actually had to clean up a mutilated bird - nicer to a cat that ISN’T MY OWN than Toga’s parents were TO THEIR OWN DAUGHTER. Now I’m no saint, and I realize a cat and a human are completely different, but come on, for real guys?

I don’t think we’re told how old Toga is in the scene where she’s offering her parents the bird (if you know please share) but we know she’s a little kid. Like I’ve said before, I’m studying psychology in college and I worked with kids in foster care, so if I know anything at all it’s this: Children are little sponges, and they automatically want to do whatever it is you tell them not to do. It’s a natural part of development, and actually something we don’t really lose as we get older (the specific term is rebel psychological reactance I think). So it’s really no surprise that after years and years of being told nothing but no when it came to these urges she had, she eventually just snapped. The kids I worked with were the same, the longer they were in the shelter I worked at the less they felt inclined to listen when we told them no, and I don’t think I need to explain why that’s dangerous.

Now, I’m not saying that consuming another’s blood as a child or gnawing on yourself in your sleep is normal behavior or something a parent shouldn’t be concerned about, but there’s a reason therapy focuses on replacing negative coping skills with positive ones. Did they ever go beyond just calling her weird and creepy? Did they take her to a doctor get a blood test and find out if maybe there’s a reason she was doing this beyond just being freaky? Does she have an iron deficiency?? I’m just rambling now and that’s pure speculation, but no, they just kinda insulted her over and over, told her not to, and sent her to quirk counseling which IS NOT a substitute for actual therapy I’m sure. The bottom line here is that you can’t take something away and not add anything in. You can’t tell someone not to do something and not supplement it with something else.

It’s little wonder that once she snapped, she went straight to “I just want to do whatever I want”, because she spent her whole life being told not to be something. I think it’s easy to forget that Toga is still legally a child at the start of the series, one who has not been taught how to safely deal with her urges. No wonder she felt more at home with the league of villains, they gave her what she never got. No wonder Ochaco’s actions in the final chapter shocked her so much. She was never accepted for who she was until then. She was never treated like she was a normal person.

The people who were supposed to love her most in the world saw her as a disease to be rid of, and I that disgusts me more than a dead bird ever will.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk, I’m gonna go ramble about how, as an author and a fan, I love her end even if it makes me so sad, and Ochaco’s part in it.

#my hero academia #mha #mha spoilers #mha manga spoilers #toga himiko #mha himiko #toga #Lizzy’s MHA Rambles #bnha #league of villains

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harrysmimi · 2 years ago

Text

CEOrry Pt. 1

Synopsis: Harry finds an unexpected visitor at his bar

Series Masterlist | More of my work

YN was dragged out with her friends on a weekend. She was sulking around for what no one knew.

You see, like every other story YN's was starting to fill up with more and more trauma. It began with her wanting to move to away for studies, which did not happen with that much ease. Her mother wanted her to stay back home and work her old job. The trauma came with being scammed by people, learning hard way not to trust just about anyone who's being kind. But that was about it.

She's got everything, a nice loving family. Sure her parents don't have the best relationship but they're surviving. Her little brother is thriving in school like always. Until just a few months ago, her dad fell severely sick. Sole bread winner of her family.

All she earned went to providing herself a comfortable life, yet she sent the part of her bonus back home. To add more to that, she moved with few of her classmates as they were looking for a new roommate. That cut down bills by way far. She was able to help out her family the best she could.

She already worked two jobs.

College is a scam, she realised soon enough. It wasn't something one of her favourite YouTuber just said for fun and jokes in their videos. If she got a nice job with the degree which spent so much on already, it would have been worth it. Getting the tag of useless oldest child in her family was disheartening.

Now she has this guilt of being useless weighing on her shoulders. Well, that wouldn't be the only thing.

Her dad never let her take up any responsibilities. So it was new and difficult for her to step into his shoes.

Hopefully, until he's all recovered and healthy.

Of course, she'd still help him out!

"YN, what is wrong with you? Come on, come dance with us!" Julia, one of YN's friend's friend called for her over the over bearing music playing in this club.

All she saw was girls and boys dancing, girls and girls dancing, and boys and boy dancing, and a group of guys hovering over a girl in the corner. She seemed to be enjoying it, but apparently this place is supposed to be safe for the LGBTQIA+ people as well as girls. That particular group gave YN a weird ick for some reason.

Especially, when the girl started to seem feel a little uncomfortable. But to YN at ease those guys were thrown out of the bar immediately and the girl was safe. As YN was about to go pay her mind to something else, her best friend Kayla was pulling her towards the dance floor with a shot glass in her hand, her Fiancé following her with two glasses of shots.

One more thing to put YN on ease was, she doesn't have to pay for anything. That's what her friends said to her before they dragged her out, straight from her work.

"You need to stop sulking!" Kayla yelled so her friend could hear. "Come on, have this."

YN was handed a shot glass. Dressed in a pair of jeans and worn out hoodie she stole from her dad before she moved away, and her worn out and knock off brand Nikes shoes. She doesn't drink, but it all seemed so nice to divulge in.

"No, no, I can't." She shoved the drink back in her friend's hand.

"We have to let loose before we're swarmed by the finals." Josh, Kayla's Fiancé interfered.

Josh is an amazing guy. Like a brother to YN but, oh boy can he be a pain in the ass some times!

Being kinda manipulated by her friends and her intrusive thoughts, YN downed the drink in one go. Leaving her own self in utter surprise. Kayla and Josh looked at her concerned.

"Oh, that burns your throat!" Her yucky face made her friend burst out into laughter.

But there you go!

Another shot in, and YN was completely knocked off. Dancing with Kayla and Julia. The girls giving each other lap dances, as they drunkenly danced.

Josh was being the friend-parent as he was going to drive the girls back to their home.

"YN, what are you doing?" The group of four was disrupted by a man hovering over YN.

He stood about six feet tall, his eyes glaring into hers as he gripped on her wrist tightly. Fingertips digging into her skin along with the metal of his rings.

"Hey, hey back off!" Josh stepped in.

"Stay away!" The man warned Josh as she kept staring at YN.

She seemed completely defeated and weak. In surprise you can say? Maybe? Or she was scared? Maybe?

"What do you think you're doing?" He started dragging her to the side, to the stairs which led to the VIP section.

"Hey, where are you taking my friend?" Kayla fought with him, hitting his arms, but one glare from him as she was made quiet as well. Julia was holding onto YN for her dear life.

"Harry, please you're hurting me." YN muttered looking at the man stood infront of her.

Well, he wasn't holding onto her hand that harshly, her skin being very sensitive it was going to be red within matter of minutes. It was her survival instincts kicking in to use the puppy eyes-card. It worked as Harry loosened his grip on her wrist. He slipped the palm of his hand onto hers intertwining his fingers with hers.

It was a bit uncomfortable with his rings but the first time she held hand with him in a long time, YN realised.

"Come on, I'm taking you to your place now." He told to her.

"Oi, no she's not going anywhere with you." Julia warned Harry.

"Look, I know you're worried for your friend bit I know her, she knows me." Harry spoke calmly. "I will drop her back home, I promise."

YN's friends' are smart, even if they ask her, she's not in the right mind to give them a sensible answer. They wouldn't believe her if she said she knew this man, she's that drunk with just two shots one red wine later.

"YN do you know him?" Julia asked. At least one of the girl is not drunk her ass off, tipsy perhaps.

"Mhmm, I do know him." YN nodded. It's the truth.

YN have known Harry for little over six months now. They're great acquaintance, one of them would like to say.

"Now come on." Harry ushered her closely.

"No, I'm not letting her go!" Julia and Kayla clung onto her.

......................................................................

Back in Harry's SUV, YN sat with her friends. One was dozing off and one was glaring daggers at him through the rare view mirror as he was seated on the passenger side.

He had made an alliance that he'll take YN to her place and her friends can see she's safe and sound themself.

All three of her friends had followed her upstairs to her flat, until she was safe there. Well, her friends live there too, so they were off to bed as well.

"YN what the hell were you thinking tonight?" Harry shut the door to YN's bedroom. She stumbled towards her bed. "You said you never drink!"

"Until tonight." She pointed out, slurring on her words.

"You know you can't drink YN," he was being his calm self as he took off YN's shoes for her, "you know-"

"Stop it!" She snapped, "I know what I can and cannot do, okay? I don't want you telling me that as well. I'm trying my best!"

"I know you are, love." He cooed reaching for her carefully, "I know you are. I just want you to be careful."

"I know." She nodded. Her eyes getting teary all of a sudden.

You must be wondering, why and how YN knows Harry?

Well, she was to be a surrogate to his child, yeah...

Well, she still is, but she doesn't have a fetus in her womb.

YN was in one of those desparate panic situation when she had heard a few of the girls gossiping in her cafeteria she worked at about surrogacy. How some rich people pay the surrogate a amount for giving them a baby. How they can make hundreds and thousands even.

It usually just requires a surrogate to lend her womb, with a embryo made up from the egg and sperm from expecting parents is transferred to her uterus and she carries the baby to the full term.

Well, that seemed like more of an amazing option than taking up a third job and risk failing her classes she took out loans for. It would be over if nice months!

Well, not until it was Harry who approached her. He'd be a single parent which would mean the baby would be hers as well.

Now, she's one of the old school girls (according to many now-a-days). She wants her own kids!

At first, she refused to help him. No way, she was going to up and leave a child which would part hers biologically as well. Well, until her step-mother called saying her father needs a surgery, it is very crucial for his health.

There was no way they could pay for the surgery. And the hospital refused to go further with the procedure without the payment. That was one of the many bad and corrupt shit she hated about her country.

She had two options again, risk failing her PhD, or go give this man a child and never see it again.

In the moment all she could think about was her father. She had an amazing relationship with her dad.

She can have more kids, but she's got just one dad.

Saying, fuck all; she went head first into this. Especially when Harry was surprisingly ready to sign her a blank cheque if needed.

Harry being the millionaire he is, made her sign a contract that the child's sole custody would be his and she can not see the baby, or she's just have six months if she willingly decides she wants to breast feed the baby. It had many more conditions like those.

Everything moved very fast, there was an embryo transfer into her uterus. She was pregnant. The process was very exhausting for her.

But she had a miscarriage about six weeks ago.

YN had to promise herself not to get attached to the clump of cells growing inside her, but who can control their feelings? It hit her more than just being in physical agony.

There were chances where it would have happened but she wasn't clearly prepared for it. Whereas Harry was.

He seemed so nutral to her when she had seen him at the ER where he'd rushed her to. Or maybe it was the medications she was on which were making her feel drowsy that she couldn't read his face.

You see, Harry is like a closed book kinda man to her.

He doesn't like answering to her questions. All her answers were in the contract he made her sign he said. She wasn't to ask him any personal questions. He knew everything about her, whilst she didn't know shit.

"I didn't mean to loose the baby." She tried not to cry in front of him. "I really didn't."

"I know you didn't, YN." Harry was undoing her shoe laces as he slipped off her foot.

"I shouldn't have gotten attached to it like it was furst decided. I was hoping it would, it would..." She sighed, "you know... I should've kept my old job and stayed the fuck back home. I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry."

"Hey, look at me?" He looked up at her from where he was crouched in front of her, "I know, everything that happened wasn't on purpose, okay? This has much higher risk of failing. There's nothing you and I or the doctors can do to prevent from happening a hundred percent."

"I'll return you your money, I promise. And I'll do it again in a heartbeat." She sniffled, "I'll pay you back. With interest, I, I-"

"I'm not asking for it back, YN." He interrupted her as she slipped off her other shoe off her foot, "I need you to lie down now, okay? Lemme get you some water."

As Harry walked out, he found her friends stood in the hallway glaring at him, yet they all seemed confused. With his head down he made a quick walk to kitchen to get YN a bottle was water.

"Here drink this," he kept the bottle of water on her side table, "you have an appointment tomorrow at two, better fix that hangover by them."

"Oi, hello!" She scoffed, "watch your tone, huh! I'll rip that stupid tongue of yours out with tweezers and chop them into pieces and feed them to the stray dogs!"

Okay, that made Harry laugh...

"Yeah?" He chuckled. "You don't stray dogs in your neighborhood, darling. Now change up and go to bed, I'll have Jeremy come pick you up tomorrow."

"You are so fucking mean bruh!" She rolled her eyes, "have you ever talked to me nicely since we met? And I am supposed hand you over my baby!"

"Good night, YN." His voice was monotonous.

She just glared at him. More like a puppy face as he left her room shutting the door behind him. And she was already hating the way alcohol was making her feel.

......................................................................

"Are you dying? Why was he talking about hospital appointment?" Was Julia's first questions as they say YN down for an interrogation the next morning.

"What?" Josh stopped the girl, "who was that guy YN?"

"Why was he being bossy around you?" Kayla asked.

"Is he in the mafia, did you take a loan from him?" Julia seemed more intrigued by being concerned.

"Why was saying you're not supposed to drink?" Josh was being the parent of the group he is.

"Did you accidentally marry him? Or is Julia is right? Did you take a loan from him?"

The questions were coming from left, right, front and back which infuriated YN.

"Stop it!" She snapped, "no, I did not marry him, and yes I kinda did take a loan from him. And no, unfortunately I am not dying Julia! If I were, you'd be the first one invited to my funeral for celebration!"

"You don't celebrate on..." Julia was interrupted by Josh.

"Then who the fuck is this Harry guy?" He asked.

"Apparently he owns the bar we were at." Kayla shared.

"What the fuck!" YN almost spat out her black coffee she was drinking to cure her headache there. She couldn't sleep whole night as she felt like puking every time she lied down. She doesn't want to die choking on her own puke for god's sake! And here she was hit by the thought Harry might be richer than she thinks. That's the forth bar she had heard he own, plus a huge ass fashion label.

"Yeah!" Kayla deadpanned, "now who is he? YN you're scaring us!"

"He's just..." YN sighed, "I am to be a surrogate to his child. He's paying me for it."

"Hold the fuck up!" Julia almost screamed, "you're having a baby?"

"Julia, that's all you gather from this?" Josh sighed in defeat, "YN we want you to explain what the fuck in happening. You know you can share it with us."

"Yeah, we're your family here, darling." Kayla cooed as he reached for YN's hand carefully, knowing her mum can be a bitch sometimes and ninety-nine per cent of the times she was behind YN taking so much stress.

That was the last straw for YN. And the dam to her tears broke as she spilt her sob story in front of her friends.

"...My mother knows about this, and she blamed it on me saying I couldn't keep a baby alive inside of me, I wouldn't be able to take care of my dad!" She started sobbing at the end.

"YN, you could have asked us." Kayla suggested, "I certainly wouldn't have mind helping you out love."

"I can't, you've been saving up for your new place and your wedding. I just can't." YN shook her head.

"Why didn't you tell me then?" Julia butted in.

"Jay, I can't ask for financial help from you guys. I don't want to ruin our friendship." YN explained.

"It won't." Julia deadpanned.

"I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't share your problems with us." Josh said, "please, let us know and we'll see if we can figure it out together."

"Yeah, that's what friends are for!" Kayla agreed, of course.

"You're going to pregnant during Convocation!" Julia reminded her.

"Yeah." Josh surprisingly agreed with her on this.

"Our finals are in two months, and I'm still not pregnant. And convocation is a month later. I'll be fine." YN explained. "But I'll be pregnant on your wedding day, Kayla, I'm sorry."

"Hey, no!" Kayla scolded her, "you don't have to apologise to be. You're still going to be my bridesmaid like I asked you to. I don't care even if you're eight months pregnant, okay?"

"Okay!" YN nodded.

......................................................................

Harry on the other hand was getting ready to call it a day at work.

His office was a mess. It reminded him of his dorm rooms. He can keep his house clean but not his office. Checking his phone for time he found he's got an hour left till he has to be at the hospital with YN.

He started gathering his files and documents layed around, separating everything into two piles, of job done and pending pile so he can later give those back to his secretary.

He found a grey knock off branded Adidas jerkin. He couldn't help but chuckle.

It was YN's. It was left in his car on accident when he'd dropped her off back home from the day she had to be rushed to the hospital. Even in pain she was worried about her jacket there.

It was a very chaotic day.

"YN, tell me where you coat is for god's sake!" Harry was subtly panicking watching her roll on her rug in pain. He had checked the coat closet but he didn't find anything there. Even her roommates were not home.

"I don't-" she stopped, "motherfucker!" She was hammering the floor with her fist as she was curled up in a ball. "I can't, I can't, I can't!"

"Hey, YN!" He crouched next to her to give her a quick pep talk but he saw a grey jerkin hung on the bag hanger in her room, he grabbed it and her as well. "I'm taking you to the hospital okay? It's okay. It's okay." The last it's okay was for himself.

"No, don't take that one!" She protested seeing him drape her jerkin on her shoulders.

"YN you need to go to hospital now, you can worry about that later." He shushed her down.

Harry had carefully helped her in his car as he asked his driver to rush to the nearest hospital. Whilst YN wasn't screaming on top of her lungs, she was doing a good job at keeping herself as calm as possible. She had shrugged off the jerkin draped on her shoulders as she was sweating crazy, even with the car AC on blast.

She was mumbling something to herself. Some self assuring words maybe?

But Harry was sure what was happening. Whilst it did broke his heart as they were just mere two weeks away from being able to get the first ultrasound, he wouldn't lie his hopes were not high. And as much as he think he doesn't care, he's still a human and he knows that she doesn't have her full heart into this. He doesn't want to make her feel pressured. Plus he expected thing to go smoothly.

As expected, YN was taken care of. Lost the baby obviously. She seemed devastated when he found her laying there, crying and staring at the ceiling. IV needle suck on her hand as a beeping machine was hooked her pointer finger. She was dressed in a hospital gown there.

She slipped whilst deep cleaning her bedroom causing her to crash into the side table, straight on her stomach and then straight on her butt. That's all YN could remember, she said before she passed out. Apparently she hit her head as well and woke up with shooting pain in her abdomen. It was already eating YN alive. Only if she could have been more careful!

"Jeremy went and got you food." He said keeping the bag of food on the little table.

Lie, it was him who went to get the food whilst he sent Jeremy to run some errands for him. He's got a heart afterall!

"I'm not hungry." Her voice sounded watery.

"You can eat whenever you wish." He shared, "feeling any better now?"

And there was a knock on the door, it was a nurse who'd came to check on her. He got to know he could take her home by midnight or in the morning if they wish to stay overnight. YN insisted on going back home as she couldn't stand the smell of the hospital cleaning solutions and shit.

She was almost half asleep, her head in his shoulder when Harry brought her back to her flat. She insisted that she could go in alone and take care of herself as one of her roommate was home. She had kept a condition in from of him, that her friends can't know about this. He respected that.

When he went back to work the next day, that was when Jeremy went upto him and handed in the jerkin he found in the car as it was off for cleaning and service. And the piece of clothing is lying in his office since then.

But he regrets not ever texting her let alone call her to check in. He felt terrible about it and his therapist had to hear it all that week. And he was stuck in the traffic so it took him entire thirty minutes to get to her place when she called him crying in agony.

She had shut him off since that day. Shouldn't bother him, but it does.

Her constant curiosity kept him entertained honestly. Especially her random texts at three in the morning asking about a random claus in their agreement.

Sighing, Harry grabbed his coat and YN's jerkin before he left his office. He took a cab to the hospital as he'd asked Jeremy to go pick up YN. She was already there and he was five minutes late.

"Is it our turn?" He asked as he rushed towards where Jeremy was keeping YN company as she clearly she looked hungover. She looked up at him surprised which confused him. "What?"

"Nothing." She shook her head, "we're two hours early."

"Oh." Was his reaction as took a seat next to YN. "Did you eat something?"

"I did." She nodded, "air. It was deliciously polluted today!"

"Hey!" He whined, "do you want to go grab something?"

"No." She looked down at her phone in her lap, her Instagram feed open. She put on one of her earphone and sat there scrolling through reels.

"Here, this was in my car the other day." He gave her back the jerkin. Which she took and put it on. He just sighed a slumped in his chair, watch her scroll through cat videos for about five minutes before his patience wore out. "Okay, come on we're going to eat. We'll be back before it's your turn."

"I am not hungry, Harry."

Harry just texted Jeremy to get some sandwiches, because honestly, he was hungry too. His chef is on a vacation and he can barely cook himself instant ramen noodles. He can't ask his housekeeper to help him out even though he's been offered help many times.

"I am really sorry about that night." He finally got her attention.

"Hmm?" She looked at him confusedly.

"That night after I dropped you off to your place." He reminded her, "I am so sorry I didn't even bother to check up on you. I feel very bad about that."

"It's okay." She shrugged, "I fell asleep as soon as I got home anyway. Would have slept through your call."

He just nodded and sat there in silence for a few more minutes. "You don't have to do this all over again if you don't want to, YN, we can just work it out. The agreement I mean."

"Ms. YN YLN?" One of the nurse announced. "You're next."

"Okay, thank you." YN nodded.

Maybe the person before her cancelled or couldn't make it. They still had an hour and half of wait but they got lucky. The appointment went smoothly. They could go through the process of planting another embryo. YN was doing very well physically, apart from her hang over. And they did went through with the process that day.

YN went in alone this time, where as Harry got to be there with her that time.

She was nervous, as expected. But she didn't wanted to ask him, reading by her obvious body language he asked if he could go in with her. To which she hesitantly agreed to.

"It's going to be alright." He assured her, "it hardly takes five minutes, if my research is accurate. You don't have to feel stressed."

"You're making me more stressed!" She whined. The doctor ran her through what was going to happen, step by step before starting everything was prepared for the procedure.

She looked more tense as the moment went by. Harry who was sat next to her on the little chair, slipped his palm onto her, lacing his fingers through hers. Her hand was a bit sweaty and very warm, and how he wished he heard doctor talk about what was happening. His mind went all fuzzy the moment she held his hand back tightly.

"Ready?" Doctor Wilson asked. Harry was back to earth there, he looked at the lady in the scrubs wearing a hair cap and surgical gloves.

"Yes." YN nodded. "Don't look!"

"I wasn't." He could help but chuckle, he turned his back to what was happening. He felt her squeeze onto his hand tighter, her eyes shuttered closed. "It's okay." He whispered to her, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles gently.

"All done!" Dr. Wilson announced. And YN let out the breathe she didn't know she was holding in.

That was that. Maybe she had no idea what would happen and this time around she does. He just feels shut down.

Well, when have he opened upto her? It was fair enough.

But when he saw her again, she was stressed out.

They had managed to make just six embryos, which meant only three tries. YN was feeling too guilty about loosing the baby (or babies). Harry was splurging so much money after this. IVF is very fucking expensive.

Yes, he might be a millionaire but YN still couldn't wrap her mind around how he was ready to spend so much for a baby. Babies are expensive as well. She had so many questions she couldn't ask him.

Why doesn't he want to wait till he's found a partner? Why doesn't he opt for adoption instead? Why does he want a baby when he's got such a busy schedule? How will he be able to give the child his time when he's so busy all the time?

Of course she would worry about a baby. Especially if it was hers too!

Jeremy was going to drop YN off to her place as she had a day off before driving Harry back to work. But he'd gotten her a sandwich which she was in desparate need of. The car ride for the first fifteen minutes was silent. Jeremy doing his job, whilst Harry had a face which screamed he wants to say something but he was holding back. And YN was eating her sandwich.

"Oh my god, Jeremy this sandwich is amazing!" She squealed in excitement, "I'll pay you back I promise when in back home, thank you so much!"

"Don't worry about it, Ms. YLN." The man giggled.

"YN?" Harry called for her.

"Hmm?" She looked at him. As if Jeremy knew, he pressed the button to pull up the privacy divider on which confused YN.

"You don't have to do it again if this time doesn't work as well." He said, "don't want it taking toll on your physical and mental health."

"But I'd feel too guilty, Harry. Thirty thousand pounds is not a small amount. Especially for me, and I honestly don't know if I would be able to pay you back that amount in this life time." YN shared.

It was set clear in her mind. She would somehow pay him back if it doesn't work out. That would mean her paying him back with an annual interest. And that was just the money he'd signed on the cheque which went to her not including the hospital bills minus the procedure fees. She owed him a big time monetarily.

It was either she give him a baby or his money back. She's very stubborn.

"You don't have to YN." He assured her, "consider it as me helping you. It's alright." That rubbed off wrong on her. Maybe he could have worded it another way.

"Helping me as my what?" She asked, pissed, "as my friend? As an acquaintance? Or as a person who's doing some charity work? This is exactly why I never wanted to talk to my friends about this!"

"YN, that's not what I-"

"Stop it Harry, I've been trying to be nothing but nice to you, okay? You're pissing me off now. I have no business in even interacting with you for this." Her eyes pooling up with tears behind her glasses. "How you're going to take care of this child when you're always busy is eating me alive. I don't even know why you want a baby so bad to put my mind at ease." She proceeded to knock on the privacy divider, "Jeremy? Please stop the car."

"I'm sorry, you don't to worry about that, YN. I promise." He rushed.

"Fine." She nodded in agreement, "please don't contact me until the next hospital appointment." She grabbed her bag and left his car. They were still five drive away from her place.

......................................................................

Harry did just that.

The next appointment was in a six weeks. Every weekend, his therapist heard about it all, about how he feels so bad for everything, and how much of an asshole he is.

Well, he can at least try to be friends with her.

At first he thought she was in it for money because she denied him but went back to him. But if she was, she wouldn't go on and on about wanting to return every penny he's given her if this is not successful at all. And knowing her, he's sure her stubborn ass would do anything if she has enough time on her hand.

She made him change up two main claus in their contract. He wanted her to stay at his place, and not work in the last trimester. He'd do anything as long as he can make sure his future child was safe and sound. Especially since none of her friends would know about it. Her family is a different country. And he can't really controll what she does and doesn't want to do.

But lately he's feeling like he's buying a baby like it's some sort of toy. What can he do? He looked for adoption first, for whole two years but he was never in the top 10 preferences for them to even consider him as a good adoptive parent, even though he's got all the financial needs. He's got many god children, but he wants a little one to give all the love he's got in himself. At first he so wanted to adopt a child, but it wasn't in his luck.

YN was right, he's got minimal time out of work. He'd just bought a new bar as an investment. How was he going to take care of a child?

He sees her again today!

Hopefully everything will be alright. He hears some good news, or at least gets to rekindle with her and actually be friends.

She's very sweet.

Yeah, sarcasm is her second language (mainly when he's managed to piss her off or something) but oh boy is she so fucking sweet and adorable!

He saw her stood there by the entrance of his office building with Jeremy and the security guard. She was all chirpy and chatty today, holding onto a Tupperware container.

"Mr. Styles, how you doing today?" Jeremy spoke, exaggerating, he's seen Harry today already.

"I'm good Jeremy, thank you, and what about you?" Harry player along, watching YN's smile drop. "What's that?" He asked pointing at the Tupperware in YN's hands.

"Oh it's -"

Jeremy was interrupted by YN, "its is nothing. Jer, let's go now shall we?"

"Jer? That's new." Harry chuckled.

"Oh I'm afraid sir, you won't get it, it's a best friend thing." Jeremy said, opening the back door for him.

Harry usually slides in first so he did. He expected YN to get in as well but she hopped in the front seat. The entire drive to the hospital, Harry watched Jeremy andy YN talk and laugh, they had plans of catching up over some dinner tonight. Feeling left out and a ting of anger he slumped in his seat and pretended to scroll through his phone. Once at the hospital, YN walked in first.

"Jeremy do I have to remind you are married?" He whispered to his driver/ bodyguard.

"You don't have to sir." Jeremy smiled, "but I know she's old enough to be my daughter."

Harry coughed feeling embarrassed as he sped walked inside, following after YN.

Harry you snooze you loose, he taunted himself. She's already got another best friend!

"Hey," he said quietly as he approached YN sat on one of the benches in the waiting room.

"Thirty minutes of wait." She said.

"I, I know." He stuttered, "I, I wanted to ask, ummm... ask how are you?" And she just shrugged.

"My dad's fine." She shared, "almost fine I should say. His surgery was successful, he's back home and recovering."

"That's great news!" He exclaimed, slowly though, they're at a hospital.

"Mhmm." She nodded, "thanks to you. He, uhhh... he really needed it to make it. And..." He grabbed her bag from the chair next to hers and shuffled through her stuff, "sorry I had to shove my stuff back is after my class. Where is it?" Harry watched her struggle to find what he didn't know. Finally, she pulled out a notebook which had a paper in it handing over to him.

"What's this?" He flipped the paper around. It was a Cheque of Fifteen thousand pounds in his name. "What's this for?"

"Saved up!" She smirked proudly, "my friend's brother works at the hospital my dad was admitted in, he handled the insurance stuff so we only had to pay half of everything. I don't need this so I'm returning it, I need time to return the other half though."

"YN, I told you, you don't have to." He tried place the cheque back in her book.

"Keep it!" She warned him, packed up her stuff quickly. "I'll still help you Harry, and I'm going to trust that you're going to take very good care of this baby."

"You can trust me." He still assured her. His eyes brim up with tears so let his head down so she doesn't see him crying.

"Harry?" He felt her hand on his bicep which made him hitch, "you alright?" Warmth of her hand was gone within a second.

"Mhmm." He nodded, still sniffling on his tears. "I am, I am fine."

"Hey, it's gonna be okay!" She cooed, still sitting at a distance from him.

......................................................................

Harry was a second close to peeing his pants as he sat there patiently whilst the nurse was getting the blood work done, YN was sent to take generic pregnancy test.

"Wha— what happened?" He rushed as he saw YN walk back into the room they were asked to wait in.

"I don't know." She shrugged and watched him slump back into ghe chair. "I think it is going to come out positive." She took a seat on check up bed, next to the ultrasound equipment.

"How do you know?" He asked and she just shrugged again.

Okay, she isn't going to sit there and tell him she's missed her period which is a good thing. He can put two and two together himself when the results are handed over, just hope he was good at Maths in school.

It was few minutes later when doctor arrived with the blood work reports and the best news. It was a different doctor and not Doctor Wilson. And the nurse named Willow, who was in-charge of the blood work.

The new doctor was a handsome fella. Tall, blue eyes, beefy biceps and all that. Everything to make HARRY insecure. Why insecure? He didn't know. But oh boy was Harry feeling this weird (and negative) feeling in the pit of his stomach as YN interacted with him.

"Congratulations, the tests are positive!" Doctor announced as he took a seat on the chair next to the check up bed. "I apologise for not introducing myself, I am Doctor Mike Jones, Dr. Wilson is on a vacation so by the time she returns I'll be helping her patients. Please don't hesitate to ask any questions you have." YN nodded at him with a smile. He proceeded to go into details about the blood work and what was good and what could potentially be risks.

"By the reports we can tell you're about eight weeks in, that means we can get the ultrasound done." Dr. Jones shared as he stood back up, "I'll leave for a moment whilst nurse Willow runs you down with the procedure."

"Yeah, thank you doc." YN nodded.

Least to say, Harry was happy seeing the little grainy pulse on the screen. He was excited to go tell his mum and sister about it all. He was excited to finally start preparing for the baby to come.

Last time, he couldn't celebrate. Though he doubts he could right now. He should wait a little bit longer now. Maybe next eight weeks or so...

He can at least share it with his mum, right!

"Oh my god!" He gasped softly seeing the little heart beat on the screen. His sight blurring up with tears, "they're so tiny!" He looked at YN in excitement grabbing onto her hand.

"Let's listen to the heart beat now." Dr. Jones said.

The little rapid beats of distorted heart beats almost took Harry's breath away. He wanted to scream and sob in excitement. The rest of it was boring yet important stuff. Measuring of the fetus, looking for any potential complications which there seemed none in that moment.

Oh and there was just one baby.

On the way back to YN, the car ride was silent. She was sat in the back seat next to him this time. He noticed her take out the Tupperware container from her bag.

"Congratulations!" She smiled and offered him the sweets.

"Oh, he's lactose intolerant!" Jeremy joked which YN was unaware of that.

"What?" She looked at him, "I'm sorry you can't have this."

"Come on, Jeremy!" Harry groaned, "I am not lactose intolerant YN he just likes to joke around."

"You still want these then?" She suggested.

"I'm good, thank you." He politely declined, "and thank you... for helping me."

"Nuh-uh! You know we celebrate with sweets in India. I got these for Jeremy 'cause I got to know my dad is out of hospital now, healthy and fine. We heard another good news here." She shared, "this is just a little celebration, about everything slowly getting back together."

"Yup!" Jeremy sounded from the driver's seat.

"You knew about this?" Harry was surprised.

"Of course I know sir, my wife is Indian."

"Okay..." He sounded stretching the word, he took one piece of whatever sweets it was and ate it, "what is that?"

"It's made of cottage cheese and flour, it's called Gulab jamun." She explained. "It's my favourite. I made it last night as I craving it, it's pain in ass to make but oh my god it's so good! Right, Jeremy?"

"My wife says the same thing, YN." Jeremy chuckled, "everytime she tries to make it, it turns out awful. According to her, not me."

And these started talking again making Harry left out again, but he zoned out. Harry has never been so confused about his feelings thus far. He's been trying very hard to stay away from her emotionally, but she makes it hard not to when she's telling him exactly what she's feeling. It's annoyingly good.

"I'll take the train Jeremy, don't worry about it." YN caught Harry's attention, they had reached her place.

"Wait, train to where?" He asked.

"To Jeremy's..." YN answered confusedly, "he's invited me for dinner at his."

"Why, why are you taking the train?" He rushed panicking, "I, I mean he can pick you up right? Right, Jeremy?"

"I can perfectly manage to go on my own, Harry." She shrugged, "and he's your employee not mine, it's just rude to ask him to pick me up."

"But, he's been taking you to the hospital whenever I ask him too."

"Yeah, because it's your work he's doing. I am not going to ask him to do anything for me." She shrugged.

"Okay, can you kids not argue about this?" Jeremy spoke up, "I'll pick you up YN no worries."

"No, you don't have to Jeremy," YN was glaring at Harry sat next to her, "I know exactly why he's saying this. I don't know why you still went for me if you don't trust me anymore. Could have started over for all you care. I quit trying to be friends with you, for good now." With that he's had YN barging out of his car again. "You need therapy. You need help!" With that she slammed the car door shut.

"You should go talk to her." Jeremy suggested, "you know she's one of the nicest person I've come across so I have to put in good word for her. I know it's hard for you to trust anyone, but you can trust her. She's a good friend."

Harry nodded and got out of the car, "I'll go talk to her."

"I'm going to take a cab home, you can bring her over for dinner." Jeremy handed him the car keys.

"Okay, thank you." He gave Jeremy a quick hug before he was running into the building.

......................................................................

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crunchystarz · 2 months ago

Text

"A Distant Memory I Used to Know"

Chapter - 2 EyelessJack x GNreader

Previous - chapter index

CW- none

Summary: After you drop your brother off at school you run into that same masked man from a few days ago.

Word count: 2429

“We've been looking more into the recent rise in the numbers of murders taking place in our ci-"

With a click the TV powered off. You needed to not listen to the news, for your own sake you told yourself. Placing the remote back on the counter you let out a sigh.

You don't need anything else to feed your paranoia. You haven't been able to sleep much after the convenience store incident. You felt like you were going insane. It was just some random guy, so why was it driving you crazy?

You hated that one small thing that messed with your head so much.

It's just one guy. One weird masked guy. You felt as if you saw that mask before. Like you know it from somewhere.

Who are you kidding? You needed to call your therapist and see if any spots opened up sooner than your initial date.

"What do you think would happen if a fox were to drink an entire can of soda?" A chirpy voice said from behind you.

Hunter rested his head in his hands. You chuckled and ruffled through his scruffy black hair still slightly damp from his shower. He swatted you away while laughing.

“Foxes don't have opposable thumbs. How would they drink from a can? " You playfully questioned swiftly turning around and flipping the pancake to cook it on the other side.

“Well I never said it had to come from a can just it was the amount that was in a can! Plus it could have knocked it over” The boy playfully bantered back.

You let out a fake hurt gasp before putting your hand on your hip giving him a glare. “Getting sassy with me now Mr, Bold maybe I shouldn't add chocolate chips to your pancakes”

“Nooo” Hunter said, flopping his upper body on the counter, head down.

“That's what I thought” You chuckled gently hitting him on the head with your spatula.

Hunter was one of the only good things in your life that came from your past. You were adopted into a middle class white family when you were 4. Your parents weren't really in your life much however. Growing up you were convinced they only had adopted you for tax benefits.

They weren't physically abusive however they played a massive part in your poor mental health growing up. They didn't go to things like school graduations or after school club things. They never got you anything for Christmas only every other birthday you'd get a happy birthday card as a rushed gift.

They never knew how to take care of things like your hair which you learned all by yourself through lots of trial and era and almost killing it tons of times.

Things like this led to your already poor social skills dropping so low they were basically non-existent. You hated talking to most people and your friends never lasted long.

Except for one boy. You don't remember much about him because a lot of your life is a blur but he was nice and stuck with you throughout highschool as you recall.

Hunter was their golden child. Their first blood child. He was spoiled for the first two years of his life until your mom passed due to unfortunate circumstances.

Your mom was always the more responsible one. She worked a ton and did a lot of the financial work. She tried more with you yet wasn’t super active in your life.

Unlike your father who was always a complete snob. He was a college dropout who stayed home. Sometimes you'd even wonder how any one can put up with that man

Your dad got a new girlfriend pretty fast after your mother's death. Things got worse and your father payed no attention to Hunter after that.

You adored your brother however, he was a good kid with a kind heart. So you were more than happy to basically be the one to raise him for a little bit until you went off to college.

You and Hunter had a 15 year age gap but you two were still extremely close. Your brother got you and helped you stay grounded.

With you having your own place and all you could take care of Hunter more often. Unfortunately for legal reasons you couldn't keep the kid all the time and you've sometimes debated on trying to get full custody over him but you knew it probably wouldn't end well.

Despite only being 12 Hunter was extremely smart. He for the most part understood your weird traumatized brain and was a big help when it came to calming you down other than the pills. He really was your only family.

"Who do you think would win million Pikachus or Godzilla?" The raven hair asked, reaching for the syrup bottle that was on the farther end of the counter. You put the plate of hot pancakes on the surface before pushing the maple syrup closer to the boy.

"How about we stop talking and eat ,hurry before you're late for school" You chuckled to yourself. Hunter pouted but started to dig in anyway.

You went to clean up your batter mess you made in the kitchen. You'd need to change before you left the apartment because your shirt was now covered in dried up pancake mix. You usually didn't make big breakfasts like these but you'd do anything for your brother.

You went off to get changed while Hunter finished up breakfast. It was getting significantly colder so you made sure to put it on your mental list to get Hunter a new winter jacket.He was tall for his age.He had a huge growth spurt a few months ago yet his voice was still as squeaky as can be. His new height difference meant he needed new clothes and you wanted to make sure he stays warm during the upcoming winter.

You two left your apartment after two checks to make sure he had everything. Hunter went on ahead before you, skipping down the steps that led to your apartment which was on the second floor.

You locked up your door, again making sure to lock both the bottom and the top. A familiar meow from a few days rang through your ears. You looked down to see the kitten from before under your legs. It meow and rubbed your leg. Your heart basically melted.

"Hey buddy nice to see you again...I hope you're keeping warm- I can't stay long though" You said to the cat who obviously didn't understand what you were saying just appreciated the chin scratches it received from you.

You realized you should head off before Hunter got inpatient and threatened to eat your entire kitchen again. You gave the chestnut colored cat one last pat before hurrying to catch up with your younger brother.

Hunter's school is luckily in a good distance for you to walk from and back to. This helps save gas whenever he was over on days he had school. You smiled as the younger boy walked on the sidewalk occasionally kicking a fallen leaf.

When you two got to middle school you made sure to do your little "don't get into any trouble" speech before shooing the boy. He gave you a hug before sprinting off when he saw one of his friends. You smiled to yourself as you went to walk in the direction you had came from.

You hummed a random tune as you slowly strolled along the concrete. You weren't in a rush to go anywhere so you could take in the calm scenery. It wasn't an extremely pretty sight as you were just walking through your neighborhood but it was an early morning in the beginning of fall. You were allowed to appreciate the small things.

Your body tensed up but you never stopped walking. There it was again. You couldn't catch a break could you? The feeling of eyes on you was back. It made your skin itch. It made you want to sprint home and get under your covers where you felt safe.

You're just being paranoid again [ name] just like you always are there is no one watc-

Your brain circuited as you felt something hard bump into you. Well more so you bumped into it. A person. Once you collected yourself from your mini shock. God you were all over the place, You fully realized you bumped into a person. A person. A human being.

"Holy shit I am so sorry I wasn't paying attention I-" You blurted out an jumbled up apology. Embarrassed, you cleared your throat. Just like the first time your heart skipped a beat. It felt...sickly. A discomforting feeling of familiarity washed over you.

You were met with silence from the same hooded man from the other day. The same masked weirdo that was like a plague to your mind. That mask. Against you felt as if you've seen it before. The thought made your stomach twist. You soon realized how tall the brunette was exactly. You had to basically step back to look at him properly. He was so tall it almost felt... unnatural.

You got a better look at the man from last time. He was lanky and scruffy looking. You couldn't make out any facial features as he wore a mask. A blue mask covered in some unknown goop. It looked more dried out than the last time you saw it. Maybe it was paint. He wore the basic black hoodie like before and tattered jeans. His shoes were beat up and definitely have seen better days.

The way he looked at you made you cold. You swallowed and subconsciously made yourself look bigger. That damn mask. It would make any normal person uncomfortable but man it felt as if the empty sockets of the eyes were just staring into you.

You were snapped out of your trance when you heard him clear his throat. "No its fine I wasn't paying attention as much as you were..." That british accent called out.

The second time you heard him speak. His voice didn't match his creepy appearance. While it was extremely monotone it was strangely calming. You wanted to say something so bad.

You didn't know why just something made you want to. Maybe you thought talking to him would make him leave your brain completely and you'd give your mind some closer that we was just some weirdo walking around. Just as he started to continue his way down the street.

"Hey um uh-"

You didn't know what to say. He stopped. That's good. You hoped anyway. He turned on his heel and faced you again. He tilted his head in an almost animalistic way. As if he was showing you he was listening, waiting for you to continue. While he stared at you, that weird feeling of being watched came back. You swallowed a lump of air.

"Do you live around here?... I haven't seen you around here is what I meant-" You stopped yourself from talking you sounded like a mess. You felt embarrassed. You honestly didn't know what to say. You started rethinking why you even stopped him. You really had no reason other than you couldn't get this stranger out of your head. You felt absolutely insane.

He's literally just some weirdo that you so happened to run into twice. A weirdo that you for some unknown reason feel like you know. A stranger. A stranger in a mask. Calm yourself.

"Do you…remember me too?”

Your thoughts halted when he spoke up again. You didn't get to catch what he said because you were so wrapped up in your own head. You felt bad and gave him a weak smile.

" I'm sorry, what was that?"

…

" It was nothing I just had said you're that same person from the other day is all. It's funny running into you again especially because I don't necessarily live around here" He supposedly repeated with a shrug. You let out a sigh of relief and chuckled a little to yourself. You really are getting yourself worked up over nothing.

He is just some weirdo.

"sorry for um you know stopping you out of nowhere i just don't know i couldn't get you out of my head- wait no that sound creepy it's just you have a strange.... appearance? I'm just making this worse for myself aren't I" You awkwardly laughed. To your surprise the masked man let out a laugh. This calmed your nerves a little bit.

"I get it not everyday you see someone who looks like...well me I guess. Just walking around in broad daylight like some kind of freak " He replied in his monotone voice. You two just stared at each in silence for a bit. He cleared his throat before nodding his head.

"I should go...stay safe out here with all these murders and all"

"y-yeah um you too"

The brunette walked away with a quick wave goodbye. Maybe he was some psychopath your brain tricked you into thinking you knew after all.

You ran your tongue across your bottom row of teeth before taking a deep breath. You needed a nap, or an entire tub of ice cream. Both. Both would be needed.

You turned on your heels before making your way home. You listened to your footsteps as you walked up your apartment stairs.

You were stopped yet again but a now familiar fur ball. The tiny cat watched you as you unlocked the door to your home. You thought it was going to run off again but instead it let it into the building. You blinked as it turned to you and let out a meow.

"This is not your house, all though I might have to just name you if you keep showing up like this" You basically scolded the kitten.

It meowed at you again as if it was talking back to you. You put your hands on your hip and stared down at the creature. "You're adorable but you need out" You said as if it understood you, you pointed to the open door.

It just meowed again and walked farther into your home. You let out a sigh. You were to mentally and physically exhausted to chase a kitten out of your home. You shut your front door and promised yourself you'd deal with the kitten who was now rubbing itself all over your couch later.

—

"What happened to you?"

....

"stay back"

"please..."

#crunchystarz #eyeless jack x reader #ej x reader #ej creepypasta #creepypasta x reader #x reader #creepypasta #creepypasta fanfic #eyeless jack #jane the killer #ben drowned #reader is gender neutral

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celestie0 · 10 months ago

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Idk if this is weird to ask but can you tell more about your situationship?😭 I’m curious since it inspired the story idkkk

nooo not weird at all haha, i had plans to share more ab it once i was done w kickoff but i dont really mind sharing a bit now (will literally always take up any chance to talk ab it it’s an impulse i cannot resist)

basically i met this guy like halfway through my freshman year of college at a frat event, it was a bit different from kickoff dynamic in that we started hooking up pretty soon after that, just a casual thing, but then the pandemic hit and so he went back home to live w his grandpa/family in new york (i live in cali) once campus shut down and stuff. obviously we couldn’t hook up anymore LMFAO but we still talked a lot and i think it was during this time of just talking to one another that i really started to catch massive feelings for him :”)

i went through some bad anxiety during covid, struggling a lot w my career and if i still wanted to pursue the things i thought i wanted (i think a lot of college students went through this w the pandooski) but he would always be there for me and would stay on facetime calls w me if i was struggling to study, he’d cheer me up w pics of his tibetan dogs lol, just reallyyy sweet ugh when we were long distance i rly saw a side of him i didn’t before and i think that’s what made me fall for him

i confessed to him first, similar to reader in kickoff, n told him we could do long distance until he moved back here. but then he hit me with the “i’m sorry, i can’t date you, i’ve got commitment issues”. in his case, he had a long-term girlfriend in high school for four years who he also was dating into college (before he met me), but he found out she had been cheating on him for a long time w not just one but multiple of his friends 😭 so..he said he has really bad trust issues, and that he really wanted to try to date me, but he just felt like he couldn’t

i was really hurt, obviously, but i think in hindsight maybe it was a responsible decision on his part to not throw me into a mess of a relationship w him, one he knew he wasn’t ready for. but at the time, i just thought that it was bc i wasn’t good enough to change his mind. anyways, he asked if we could still talk and be friends, and i said sure bc i didn’t really want to lose him. i figured i could just wait for him (and i told him that i would)

yeahhh well the waiting was way more fucking painful than i thought. he flew to cali once to visit me when flights were sort of resuming, which is just fucking insane because you’ll fly to see me but you won’t date me 😭, and i told him that it’d be the last time he ever sees me! and it was :”) maybe it was an impulsive decision by me, but idk. yknow when you get stuck in a limbo for what feels like forever that you make a decision just for the sake of making one (it was such a short amt of time in reality, but it felt like forever) he made a comment to me in our last conversation about how he really wished he didn’t have to be someone i had to wait on to change, and that really fuckin stuck w me lmao i cried so hard the drive home from the airport. i think all the “what-ifs” kinda sunk in at that moment

ch7 of kickoff was basically me trying to get inside the head of the guy from my situationship, and see what it’s like to have fears hold you back from wanting to experience something for yourself, something that could be beautiful if you would just give it a chance. i felt like if i wrote it from that angle, i’d have more understanding of my situationship (i dont have commitment issues myself, tbh i’ve never rlly understood the concept. like, i’ve been fucked over by ppl in my life too but i’m never one to punish the next person for it. dealing w my situationship was really hard because of this, i would get really frustrated, but writing ch7 from gojo’s character’s perspective made situationship guy’s feelings make more sense to me, i think, there was a sense of closure in that)

but anyways, i was in love w him for sure. like, possibly infatuated. there was a time where we got into a big argument about something and i think i legit i cried myself into a fever 💀 it was all so crazy and powerful, the feelings, i’ve been involved w n dated other guys since but of course none of it really compares. idk, i guess there are just some people that can make you feel that way, there’s really no use in understanding why.

this sounds so sappy, lmaoo i swear i truly am “over” him in that i hardly think of him that much anymore, n tbh i don’t think of him specifically all that much while i’m writing kickoff, but there are moments where i can’t help but bring those feelings into the story.

there’s a line in ch8, near the end of the bed scene, where reader has a thought like

“You feel so safe with him, and yet you also feel scared, because you like him so much that you would let him ruin you if he wanted to.”

yeah. that’s basically how i felt about him.

#damn sorry this is long asf #kickoff #kickoff backstory #asks #anon

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cyanoticfireflies · 7 months ago

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Hazbin Hotel - Rewatch Thoughts (Episode 1, Part 3)

I know Adam has his guitar and Alex Brightman voice, but is he an actual rockstar in Heaven? He’s going on about his gig in his anecdote.

They talked about how Lilith empowered demon-kind with her songs – but how did Heaven get its groove then?

I’m so fascinated by this because Adam knows who Charlie is. He knows she’s Lucifer’s daughter, which pretty much makes her Lilith’s daughter (theories in the epilogue, theories in the epilogue) which means that she could have been Adam’s daughter if his first wife hadn’t run off with another guy. Honestly, considering how immature and spiteful Adam is shown to be later, sitting down and talking to Charlie and having lunch “with” her is reasonably chill behavior on the Adam scale…. I’m kind of getting “that weird uncle that peaked in college” vibes from him.

Starting from about this point is where Lute begins to become more interesting to me than Adam. We get what he’s like. But when he’s asking whether a girl would want a “lesser” guy to him, Lute shakes her head, agreeing with him.

She hasn’t said a word so far, but immediately she’s on Adam’s side – not at all appalled that this guy representing Heaven is acting like this and in agreement with him even.

Lute will remain fascinating to me, just saying that now.

Adam goes into listing what he thinks is “our biggest problem” and knowing what we know about Adam later him possibly having herpes is both amusing and scary. I’m pretty sure he uses the exorcist army as his own harem. Maybe that’s why all of them are so angry.

(Yes, I think everyone caught the fourth wall break.)

(We’re not the ones who refuse to go out in public without a mask on, big man. Well, at least not since COVID numbers went down!)

I really want to find out Niffty’s backstory.

I’m sure Vivianne already has the whole thing drafted out in her head. But that complete paralysis when the camera was rolling seemed like a trauma response. And that’s in a room that has a guy that is frequently raped on camera standing a few feet away from her. Niffty goes totally dissociative until she hears the word “cut” and the camera beep off. So, so curious.

(Have some nightmare fuel.)

I feel like working in the film industry Angel would be the perfect person to explain “fix it in post” to Vaggie if she hadn’t bitten his head off. He literally raises his hands in surrender when she snarls at him, so done with all of their shit.

What room is Vaggie in when she’s editing the commercial? We know there’s a reasonably better working TV down in the living room since they were watching it at the beginning of episode 4, and that room doesn’t look like hers and Charlie’s room that we see later on.

And why did this seemingly unused room get matching elephant statues for the mantle?

Alastor shows up to be generally unhelpful and kick her while she’s down, as he’s wont to do.

Alastor’s shadow thing is so interesting to watch. In some ways, it almost acts like Asmodeus’s extra faces from Helluva Boss, mimicking Alastor’s emotions. But then other times it acts semi-separately. Is the shadow thing supposed to be Alastor’s unfiltered id behind his veneer?

(You can actually kind of see a non-psychotic deer form for Alastor when the camera bugs out when Vaggie is trying to video him. That looks like a deer to everyone else too, right?)

When Alastor has his “this face was made for radio” freakout, he’s missing the X in the middle of his forehead that he always has later, which is just an interesting detail to note.

I also feel like “who or what you are” is something that could come up later on. We know that Alastor is an aberration in Hell, having powers at levels never before seen from a Sinner. Either his deal goes back farther than I was suspecting or else he’s been very not-usual from the start.

I feel like what Alastor does here with Vaggie is the first (or second if the pilot is cannon) step along a long road to desensitization. We make him see two deals in the current timeline in the show – once to not have to fuss with the TV ever again, once for a favor where Charlie “harms no one.”

He seems to be getting them used to making little, insignificant (or maybe significant, depending on his favor – it was very specifically worded) deals with him. Like when you try to get close to a stray animal so inch your way towards it one step at a time. Though in this case Alastor would probably do the biting…

I also feel like it’s very telling that Alastor didn’t bother to offer to do his whole set/costumes/crew thing when Vaggie first asked for help with the commercial. Only when helping with the commercial was in some way beneficial to him.

Are these dude’s Alastor summons a couple of times other Sinners, or are they just fake, temporary creatures? Does that mean that Alastor is controlling them or are they equipped with some sort of rudimentary AI that lets them perform the tasks he’s set to them? If they are other Sinners, Husk and Niffty are out of uniform. If they aren’t, Angel can probably keep the one he hits on later as a fancy sex toy without many moral implications.

(Alastor should give up being the Radio Demon and give Velvette a run for her money in the fashion industry. Angel and Vaggie’s outfits in particular are *chef’s kiss*)

I hope Alastor’s closed captions staff are better than Amazon’s, though.

Also, at some point during the flash back to the hotel, Adam has finished his pile of ribs. I don’t know how if he never shuts up enough to let someone else get a word in edgewise.

Adam and Lute start talking about the Exterminations, and Lute mentions that she “got a good 275 this year.” (We’ll be coming back to that number later, by the way.)

Adam seems impressed by this, telling her that was “bad-ass” and giving her a fist bump. While calling her “danger tits.” Lute does not, in fact, punch Adam in the face for this. Again here Lute seems totally on board with Adam’s… Adam-ness.

She seems like some of the girls that I’ve known from school, work, etc that go out clubbing and actually will give the time of day to the guys who wear sunglasses inside and think that negging is a successful way to get women’s attention. Lute, you are encouraging bad behavior!

But that’s not surprising since Lute is quickly revealed to be a zealot, a fanatic, an extremist.

She hasn’t just drank the Kool-Aid, she was pouring the fruit punch flavored powder mix into the pitchers for other people to add the water to.

(Is this because if you, personally, catch an angel making one you de-angel-ify them?

Her belief system is carved in stone, and unfortunately for Charlie and all of Hell that belief system is that Sinners double-dying is not only an acceptable thing but an excellent thing.

Lute does reveal something here that has the potential to become important later: that Lucifer made some kind of arrangement that spares the Hellborn from the exorcisms.

Vivziepop’s other show “Helluva Boss” focuses a lot more on the Hellborn than Hazbin Hotel does (obviously, with Hazbin being focused on the redemption of Sinners.)

The Hellborn that we see/know/spend time with in Hazbin are going to include: Charlie, Keekee, Razzle, Dazzle, the Egg Boys, Fat Nuggets, and that’s pretty much it. Everyone else aside from background characters in Hazbin – I may have missed one or two – is an open target. I guess maybe fallen angels must also be exempt since no one is trying to go after Lucifer himself.

Lute’s words do seem to upset Charlie a bit. “How little you matter,” she said, and it looked like a hit to Charlie’s battleship. Which I know Charlie is a bouncy blonde ball of daddy issues at this point, but it really seems like the opposite, doesn’t it? Like she – and the other Hellborn – were being protected. Is Charlie upset that the exorcists aren’t coming after her because they can’t, so they don’t really care about (killing) her? Maybe that’s just Charlie’s guilt for being exempt?

Charlie tries to explain her plans to Adam and Lute, but by this point we all know that she’s not going to succeed, right? At least her crayon drawings are kind of cute.

“Hell is Forever” sounds like one of the songs that the youth pastors I grew up having to go hang out with every other week (divorced parents, split custody) used to make religion cool to the youngsters.

Very Skillet, Fireflight, etc. This ain’t your grandpappy’s religion – except the whole eternal damnation part. Except I’m pretty sure they would have censored some of the “fucks” to let us have this one.

Adam kind of cuts through all of the divine judgement propaganda to get to the heart of things in the second verse. This isn’t even about population control or final death or any of that – he and his exterminators just enjoy it.

Since we find out later that no one else knows about the exterminations, I imagine that the exterminators have to be – up to a certain point, at least – on their best behavior in Heaven. This kind of makes Extermination Day a bit like “The Purge” for exorcists.

One day to go nuts and get it all out of their systems. Frankly, it might be a little bit dangerous for Heaven to stop the extermination; after several thousands of years of having that release valve, if it was suddenly taken away that pressure could go pretty kaboom – and Sera won’t let that kaboom happen anywhere near her Winners.

(Charlie is right. Where did all of these backup singers come from? They’re gold, not full monochrome like Lute, so they’re probably not real exorcists they yanked into the meeting room from the lobby. Adam must have a “give me a posse” button in the Heaven version of the meeting room.)

Adam’s big reveal comes right at the end of the song. They’re moving the next Extermination Day up to six months instead of a year out.

Who approved this plan? Did Sera sign off on this? This seems like really bad population control practice. The exterminations seem to already be getting worse and worse (Carmilla Carmine says specifically that this most recent extermination was brutal, with approximately 15% of the Sinner population being wiped out.)

If they increase the pace and severity of exterminations, that’s almost a third of the population each year.

I stopped going to church a long time ago, but that number seems interesting…

Revelation 9:15: “And the four angels, who had been prepared for the hour and day and month and year, were released, so that they would kill a third of mankind.”

Revelation 9:18: “By these three plagues a third of mankind was killed, by the fire and smoke and sulfur coming out of their mouths.”

This may not mean anything.

(We'll pick up in Episode 1, Part 4 due to Tumblr's 30 images-per-post limit.)

#hazbin hotel #recap #images #randomness #musings #meta #analysis #charlie morningstar #vaggie #angel dust #husk #alastor #niffty #adam #lute

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txjuns · 3 months ago

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⊹₊ ‎ look up, you’ll see the stars ⊹₊ ‎

Part 2: Siamese Fighting Fish (written)

Pairing: rocker!taesan x artist!reader (college students) Synopsis: y/n was never fond of parties until her friends convinced her to go to one of their college parties. Paranoia, Taesan’s band was going to perform. Just a look was enough to start a spark in both of them. Everything falls into place until y/n’s past comes back to haunt her, which causes emotional turmoil on everyone.

Warnings: angst, romance, cussing, kys/kms jokes, kinda loser taesan, suggestive themes (I’ll add more as I go)

Taglist: [OPEN] comment to be added to the list

A/N: this is my first time actually writing a fic. I promise I tried my best

᭄᭡ ⊹₊ ⊹₊ ⊹₊ ⊹₊ ⊹₊ ⊹₊ ⊹₊ ⊹₊ ⊹₊ ⊹₊ ⊹₊ ⊹₊ ⊹₊ ⊹₊ ⊹₊ ⊹₊ ⊹₊ ⊹₊ ⊹₊

You walked into the frat house with your friends. All your senses were immediately drowned out by the sound of loud music and the smell of alcohol and sweat. This was exactly why you didn’t go to parties. The loud music that damages your eardrums. The smell of body odor and vomit. Walking around a corner and seeing people make out. It just wasn’t for you.

Ningning grabbed your hand and led you to the kitchen, which was surprisingly less packed. “Why did you have to force me here?”, you said with a scowl on your face. “Because you need some fun in your life”, Sunoo gave you a wink and handed you your drink. You took a sip “Okay sure, but why a frat party out of everything.” You leaned your back against the counter, taking in the sight of the house. “Maybe because we’re in college?” Sunghoon chimed in. “Honestly, I just want to get shitfaced and kiss hot people” Yunjin said while looking around. “Oh no, she’s looking for her first prey of the night” you joked. Sunghoon let out a giggle, “You mean girls. You have this thing against men if I remember correctly.” Yunjin looked annoyed and playfully smacked Sunghoon on the shoulder, “Atleast I get bitches”. You decided to not get involved and started scanning your surroundings, letting their bickering fade in the background of the music.

You caught something out the corner of your eye. Someone was staring at you. When you looked over at him, he didn’t look away. It was as if everything stopped. His heart was pounding out of his chest as the heat rushed to his cheeks. Why was he feeling this way? Is it love at first sight?

He was so handsome. It was hard for you to peel your eyes away. You looked away first, not wanting to look like a creep. He turned and walked way, disappearing into the crowd.

“That was weird” you mumbled to yourself. “Look who decided to join the party life.” Jungwon said as he walked towards you, Heeseung right next to him. You looked over at him “Wonnie!” You ran over to him and hugged him. He helped you get around when you joined. With both of you being the same year, you both connected really well. He was like a brother to you. You kind of drifted apart when he decided to join the fraternity, but it didn’t make you feel different about him. “Absolutely not. This is the first and last time.” You said as they joined your circle. “Come on, we’re not that bad.” Heeseung said with a smirk on his lips. “Jungwon, sure. The rest of you though, make me cringe.” Heeseung rolled his eyes at you, making his smirk disappear almost instantly.

There was a loud bang before Jake screamed from the balcony. “Paranoia is about to perform!!” No one could hear him over the loud music so you and your friends took the opportunity and rushed outside to where there was a small stage. Thankfully you were able to get front row. “I’ve never seen these guys before, but apparently all of them are super hot” Ningning said, almost jumping with excitement. There was a brief silence before the sound of an electric guitar pierced through the air. Five boys then walked out and Ningning was right, they are all very attractive.

The lead singer walked up to the mic in the front and the rest went to their designated spots. You looked up to see the familiar face right in front of you. He’s the one who was staring at you earlier. Your face started to heat up as he was staring directly at you. He broke the eye contact and looked around. “Hi guys, we’re Paranoia and we’re a college rock band. Please enjoy the show!” He said with a smile. The most beautiful smile you have ever seen.

They started playing their instruments and singing their song. Apparently it’s an original written by the lead singer

“Without you, late nights don't mean a thing, yeah

Sunsets don't mean a thing, yeah

Shining stars don't mean a thing too

Whoa-whoa, oh-oh, ooh-whoa

With you, late nights, it's full of starlight

Sunsets, it's full of dreams, yeah

So, let's go, see the stars right now”

Through the song, he made brief eye contact with you. You eventually turned to Sunghoon asking if you had something on your face, to which he said “Ugly” That earned him a smack to the back of his head.

Previous | Masterlist | Next

❤︎taglist: @tkooooop @nujeskz

#han taesan #bnd #angst #fluff #taesan #taesan smau #boynextdoor #smau

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cumsuga · 2 years ago

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Wasted Times - A Valentine's Day Special

jungkook x fem!reader

genre: SMUT, fluff, angst, romance

warnings: Losing of virginities, Sweetboy!Jungook, fingering, Jungkook has a thigh kink lowkey, unprotected sex (Please be smart and be safe, use a condom), mentions of Plan B, choking, blood, I tried to make the first time fluffy

word count: 3k

18+(Minors DNI)

You set the last of your boxes in your dorm room. You look around the room triumphantly; you did it, you flew across the world to go to school, and thankfully you get to spend all four years here. You never thought you’d get accepted into Yonsei University because your extracurriculars were nothing extraordinary, just cheer and volleyball. Your dad was also so happy for you that he decided to pay your way through college only on the condition that you use your degree to find a job straight away after you graduate. Which you're okay with, it's the least you could do, considering.

As you're standing there taking in your victory, someone who you assume is your roommate comes in. She's gorgeous, almost too pretty to be an actual human. You're staring at her in bi-panic.

"Hi, you're Y/N, right? We emailed about being roommates. It’s so nice to finally meet you!” She smiles brightly at you. She’s radiant and so damn attractive.

“Oh, yeah, Momo, right? Do you need help moving anything in?” She shakes her head and tells you her parents paid for the movers.

“So we didn't really get to discuss a whole lot in email, but tell me more about yourself, Y/N” she plops herself on your bed, looking exhausted from doing nothing, but again she’s so pretty you’re absolutely distracted.

She props herself up on her elbows to look at you, “Oh well, uh, I just moved here from Y/C, and I’m double majoring in Korean and Business Administration, with a minor in Music Composition. What about you?” you unpack a box, and start setting up your side of the room.

“I’m Momo Hirai, obvi. I’m 19 and from Japan. My major is also Business Admin. I’m also in dance. Part of my scholarship is for dance, btw. OH! On the way up here, I heard there is going to be a huge party to welcome the frosh class. It’s two weeks after syllabus week. We should go.” You look at her with wide eyes. You’re not a huge partier, never having good experiences during high school.

Honestly, high school was hell for you. It didn’t matter how affluent your family was; you being the ‘weird’ girl that liked anime and manga always made you the butt of everyone's joke, not to mention that you didn't really grow into your body until senior year. Then, everyone wanted you, but by then, you were over the high school bullshit and ready to go to college. So now here you are, and hopefully, things are different here.

“Well, I’m not much of a partier, but I’ll give it a chance, I guess.” You smile at her, setting your laptop on your desk. She's clapping her hands in excitement.

Syllabus week flies by, and you’ve spotted a couple of cuties in your statistics class. One stood out more than the others. A few times, you caught him staring at you when you went to talk to your professor about assignments. His big doe-like eyes, so pretty and gentle looking, you decide to get his number. You walk up to him after class, trying to muster all the courage you need to talk to him.

You tap him on the shoulder, and the minute he turns around, your mind goes blank, “Hi, uh….” He's giving you an empathetic look but is smiling, waiting for you to say something, but you don't. The silence is getting awkward. So he speaks up.

“Hi, I’m Jungkook. I’ve seen you around. What's your name?” We cocks his head to meet your eyes that have been staring at his shoes since he started talking.

“I— I’m Y/N. I’m sorry, I’ve never really talked to a guy. before..” Your cheeks are the deepest shade of red. Who did you think you were? You tried to hype yourself up but failed miserably, and now you’re embarrassed.

“You’re so cute.” He chuckles sweetly, “You don’t have to be embarrassed or shy. I don’t bite.”

You smile at him, finally making eye contact, “I was going to ask for your number. You’re kind of handsome, so I got flustered.” You're fidgeting absent mindedly.

“Making the first move, my kinda girl. Of course, I’ll give you my number. It's 82XXXXXXXXXX. I have to go now but text me. Maybe we can go on a date or something. Bye, Y/N” He smiles and then exits the classroom.

Over the next few days, you and Jungkook text all day and all night, even falling asleep on facetime with each other. You like him a lot, so you ask him to accompany you to the ‘Frosh Fest.’ From what he says, it’s a week of partying and drinking; the college sponsors get everyone to mingle and unwind after the first couple of weeks on campus. The graduating class is the host and usually the one to plan the festival. You tell him you don’t drink much, so it’d be nice to have someone you could talk to there because Momo tells you her girlfriend is flying from Japan to see her, having taken a gap year to travel.

The week of the festival comes. You and momo are in your dorm room getting ready when Jungkook calls, “Hi, I think I’m outside your room. Are you ready?”

You get giddy and immediately open the door, and there he is, the most beautiful man you’ve laid your eyes on. In all black, a myriad of tattoos peaking out of the cuff of his jacket. You’re also wearing all black, your luscious thighs peeking out of a black miniskirt. And you watch his eyes rake over you stopping on your thighs for a little longer than the rest of your body.

“God... you look… Magnificent.” He swallows thickly, mouth watering at the sight of you.

You spin in a circle pouting slightly. “Really? I don't think I care for the skirt. Come in, though. I think I might change.” He joins you and momo in the room before she tells you that her girlfriend is downstairs waiting for her, so she leaves.

You start going through all your skirts before deciding on a black Louis Vuitton wool mini skirt. “You mind if I change?” looking over at him, he’s blushing. Looking like a tomato, “You okay?”

“Uhm yeah, I’m fine. We’ve just never seen each other… naked.” He awkwardly adjusts on the bed, and you smile, throwing a pillow at him.

“You dork, I have shorts on under this.” Then a thought crosses your mind; maybe you want him to see you naked, be your first. Yeah, you know you’ve only known each other for a couple of weeks, but you feel comfortable with him. He’s never once pressured you for anything sexual, nor has he ever touched you before asking. He was a true gentleman, and you knew it.

“Unless you wanna see me naked..” You move to stand between his legs, “Is that what you want, Koo?” You gingerly slot your fingers through his hair, and he nods. “Take it off for me?” His fingertips ghost over your thigh, leaving burning goosebumps in their wake.

You shudder at his touch, every stroke going straight to your clit. His hands slip under your skirt to pull your safety shorts down. “First, let's get rid of these, yeah?” he squeezes your thigh, groaning at how soft the flesh is. "Where do you want me to touch you?"

You moan softly at the motion, “I… I don't know, Koo… anywhere.” he untucks your shirt from your skirt, splaying his hand across the pudge of your tummy.

“Here?” he asks, moving his hand to your breastbone, fingers fiddling with the front clasp of your bra. You nod sheepishly, cheeks and ears heating up. He hastily takes your shirt off and tosses it aside. “So pretty, always thought you were pretty. I couldn't stop staring at you when I first laid my eyes on you in class—imagining how you’d look on your knees in front of me, choking on my dick. I know you’d look so fucking beautiful blowing me.” you’re clenching around nothing, eyes glazed over in lust. Jungkook knows what he’s doing.

“Can I ask you something?” eyeing him lazily, ready for him to touch you for real.

“Anything, baby girl.” he leans in, leaving open-mouth kisses on your tummy. Looking up at you as he does.

You cringe at the initial contact of his mouth, legs starting to feel like they’re going to give out. “Are you a virgin?” he stops what he’s doing, bringing you back down from the cloud you were just on.

“I mean, I’ve had my dick sucked, but I’ve never been inside someone, so technically, yes. Are you?” You nod quickly, getting shy all over again. “That's fine with me, but I don't have condoms... So I was just–”

“I’m on the pill!” You blurt out. You don't want him to stop. You want to feel him. He makes you feel safe and protected.

His head snaps at you, and he chuckles softly, “Well. I’m clean, the campus does free STD screenings every other month, and I got checked about 2 months ago and haven't been with anyone since. So if you’re okay with it, I am too. We can buy Plan B in the morning.” You nod again.

“O–okay.” You’re shy again, so he coos at you.

He pulls you to straddle him, “So funny, baby girl, you were the one to initiate, and now look at you, all shy and blushy.” He leans in to kiss you, your first kiss. You feel electricity light up your body and you hope he feels it too.

You shift on his lap, accidentally creating friction for you both, causing you to moan into his mouth and for him to grip your ass. Fingernails leave crescents in your skin. “Stand up.” He moves you, and you stand. When you get up, his lips find yours helping you get undressed, and you do the same. When you're both in nothing but your underwear, he picks you up and gently lays you on the bed.

“Listen to me, okay? If you ever feel uncomfortable with anything, just tell me, and I’ll stop. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for the both of us, and I don’t wanna do anything to hurt you.” he cups your cheek, looking into your eyes, looking for the slightest bit of doubt. When he doesn’t find it, he goes back to kissing you slowly, making your clit throb.

His hand plays with the little pink bow on the front of your panties, “Can I touch you?” You agree, and he slips his hand into your panties, fingers slipping quickly between your folds, “Fuck you’re soaked... That's so fucking hot. All I did was kiss you. Shit.” You snap your thighs together when he finds your clit. “You like that?”

“Yeah.. feels good..” you begin to squirm under his ministrations. He’s just watching you, the way soft moans leave your mouth, making him hard.

“Can I put one in?” fingertip prodding the tight hole of your entrance. You nod feverishly, and he pushes one in slowly.

You groan at the feeling. Burning and slightly uncomfortable, but you know you'd have to get used to it. “You okay?” you feel his palm bump your clit, and you tell him you’re okay, that it just burns a little. “Well, baby, that's cause you’re so tight. I’m gonna wait for a little before I move my finger. Let me know when it stops burning, okay?”

You give him the go-ahead, and he begins to fuck his finger into you slowly while his thumb rubs lazy circles on your clit. You're squirming under him and moaning into his mouth while he kisses you. Eventually, he adds a second finger going a little harder this time, and you can feel this heaviness in the pit of your stomach. He hits a particular spot in you that causes the loudest moan to leave your mouth.

“Keep doing that. That's good. I like that. It feels so fucking good.” He keeps curling his fingers into you, beckoning your impending orgasm, and after a few minutes of him finger fucking you like that, your orgasm hits you. You bite him, moaning into the crook of his neck, legs shaking as you come down.

“You look so pretty when you cum. I could watch you do that forever.” He pulls his fingers out and pops them in his mouth, moaning at your taste. “I could also taste you forever.”

Your cheeks rose and you move your hand to touch his dick and squeeze it too hard, causing him to pull his hips away. “Too hard, baby, don’t squeeze too hard.” He guides you on how to touch him, and when you find a good rhythm, he's a moaning mess, lashes fluttering.

“Should we try it now?” You ask him, and he looks over to you, jaw slack from you, jerking him off. “I want to feel it inside me..” hiding your face in his chest, he moves to hover over you.

“Okay, I’m not going to lie to you. I might not last long.” He moves to look at what he's doing, and you watch as he lines himself up with your entrance. “You ready?”

You nod, and he struggles a little before finding your entrance and pushing himself in. Both of your moaning softly in unison. “Go slow... It burns a lot.” Unfortunately, Jungkook was girthy and long. The stretch was going burning regardless of how slow or fast he went. He bottoms out and stays there for a bit. His breath shaky in your ear.

“You’re clenching so hard. It feels too good. I’m trying so hard not to nut right now.” He licks and sucks on your neck to distract himself. “Good, I just know you got good pussy. Gonna make me fall in love with you.” Your heart flutters at his last words. No one has ever associated you and being in love together. You know it’s stupid, but you can’t help but fall for him.

You kiss him, which he takes as a sign to start moving inside you. He’s fucking you slowly, ensuring you feel all of him. He finds that kissing you distracts him from how wet and tight you are. You’re like his little slice of heaven right now, and he wants to savor the cake. At this point, he knows he's gonna have scratch marks all over his back with how much you’re clawing at him to keep him close.

“Yeah, that feels good. I like feeling you inside me.” You keen in his ear softly as he picks up his pace, watching your face contort in pleasure. You're so fucking hot to him, so sweet too. He likes you and thinks he’s dumb for the thought, but he could see himself with you forever.

“You’re taking me so fucking well, baby girl. It’s like this pussy was made for me.” He’s thrusting into you like a wildman. The burning has been replaced by pure, 100% pleasure. He’s right. It’s like you were made for him. Immediately taking all of him with almost no problem.

“Yeah, made for you... Only you. Ruin me, make me yours.” He stills inside you, looking at you in awe.

“You’re… You’re fucking nasty. Holy shit, you're so fucking hot. Can I choke you?” You nod, and he raises his hand to choke you, grip on your throat just enough to throw you right over the edge. Clenching around him like crazy, you feel him twitching inside you, his hips starting to thrust into you lazily. He thrusts into you a couple more times before he coats your walls in his seed. He collapses on you, both of you breathing heavily, lying there in silence.

“How was it?” You ask him, running your fingertips up and down the dip of his spine. He kisses your cleavage. You feel so blissful, and even if he doesn't respond, you think you could lay like this forever.

“It was good, like really good.” He sits up, and his lower half is coated in a mixture of cum and blood, and his eye widen. “Oh my god, are you okay? This is a lot of blood.”

You’re calm and collected, unlike him, “You broke my hymen, and I’m sure you ripped me a bit. I mean, your dick is big, and I’ve never had sex before. Don’t worry, I’m fine. Let's get cleaned up and head to the festival?” You move to stand, but your legs are wobbly, and your pussy is sore.

Nonetheless, Jungkook is super gentle in getting you all cleaned up, making sure to get the spots where the cum has dried up on you. You two eventually collected yourselves enough to get to the festival. You two have the best time, and you come out of your shell with him. Getting along with his friends and their girlfriend.

After a month of dating, Jungkook asks you to be his girlfriend, and of course, you say yes. Junior year Jungkook asks you to move in with him as he will graduate soon, and he doesn't want your relationship to end over it. You tell him you can’t because while your dad adores him, he wants you to focus on school and graduate before moving in together. You assure him you'll go to see him every weekend you are free. Senior Year, the day after graduation, Jungkook asks again, and you agree because now you can be together freely. A year after moving in together, he proposes to you, stating he’s in love with you and wants to be with you forever, among other beautiful words. You turn him down, telling him you two are still too young to settle down, you being 21 and him being 23. You tell him you’re his, but you’re not ready for that kind of commitment yet, and woefully he accepts your rejection. After another year of living together, Jungkook starts his business, and you two buy a home together. You start at HYBE as an assistant, and things are so shitty you fall into some bad habits. But let’s see where life takes you.

AN: please send me your thoughts on this and the first two parts I need some constructive criticism if you have it, my inbox is open. thank you all for enjoying the first two. I'm having a lot of fun writing these!!!

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credit to @cafekitsune for the dividers

#jungkook smut #bts smut #bts x reader #jungkook fic #bts fic #bts #jungkook #jungkook x reader #smut

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