#she was never like this until I went to college which is the weird part. I guess she suddenly had a lot of free time on her hands | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

toournextadventure · 18 days

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a cold reunion

Summary: Astrid hasn't visited her mother's old house in a while. She wonders if someone new has moved in by now. Maybe it'll be a "ghost," like her mother claims used to live there. Ha. She would be so lucky.

Word Count: 3.3k Warnings: mentions of death, Tim Burton style tones Pairing: Astrid Deetz x Reader A/N: I know absolutely nothing about this movie, only the original, so I'm just gonna have some fun with it

Being a Deetz was one of the most irritating parts of life. At least, it was in Astrid’s opinion. Even without her own uncommon interests, she was held to the standards of her mother. Because her mother was weird, everyone assumed she was too. Which she was, but it wasn’t fair she couldn’t make that statement for herself.

She used to have a friend. You had been new to town and hadn’t known anything about her mother. It led to a wonderful friendship. Her favourite classes were the ones you had together, and eventually, she invited you over outside of school. Everyone thought you were crazy to agree, but you never faltered.

Even her mother and grandmother liked you, saying you were a “good kid.” Astrid knew better, you were trouble. Always in detention or being scolded by teachers in the hallways. You were anything but a good kid when it came to following the rules. But she wouldn’t deny, you definitely sweet talked your way into her mother’s and grandmother’s good graces.

You had done the same to her, pulling her in until she didn’t want to leave. The first kiss had been under the bleachers at a football game; disgustingly cliche. You had tasted of the cigarettes you stole from your mom. A disgusting taste, but it was good on you.

But as soon as she really started to like you - a little more than like, she would admit - you disappeared. You hadn’t been at school that morning, and when she went to your mom’s work, she had said she didn’t know where you were. Said it was no surprise you left; you could do better than this town.

That had been two years ago. Your mom had left town not long after your disappearance. Everyone assumed she had done something to you; a suspicion that came from the simple fact that your mom was, as the town called it, “trailer trash.” She was a nice person, Astrid had always liked her. She didn’t blame the woman for leaving.

Even Astrid had left for college once school was over. What else was she going to do, stay put? No, she wanted to get started somewhere else. Somewhere she wouldn’t be saddled with the name Deetz like it was some kind of curse. She loved her mother more than she would ever care to admit. But she wanted to do something for herself.

It was winter break before she came back home.

“Leaving already?” Her mother called from the porch when she grabbed her bike and started walking it to the street. “You haven’t even been here for three hours.”

“I’m going to check on the house,” Astrid said with a shrug. “I heard the owners moved out.”

“They did, thank god,” her grandmother said. “They did that house no justice.”

Bold coming from you, Astrid thought but kept her mouth shut.

“Don’t stay out too late,” her mother said.

“Lydia dear, when you were her age, you were almost marrying a ghost,” her grandmother said. “Consider it karma.”

“Mom,” her mother sighed.

Astrid had already hopped on her bike and started down the street. The path to the old house was well-worn; everyone knew it. The old owners had tried their best to convince everyone the house wasn’t haunted, but most of the town didn’t believe it. At least none of the school kids. They had jumped at the opportunity to have a haunted house in town whether it was real or not.

You had always liked that old house. No one had ever fully convinced you that ghosts had lived there, but you liked the thrill of it. I don’t think they’re real, but what if? You had asked one night after sneaking in through her window. We should check it out one day. After you disappeared, she had avoided the house like the plague.

But Astrid knew the path by heart. Snow had been plowed from the streets, and the dutiful citizens had shoveled the bridge. When she approached said bridge, she slowed until she could get off the bike, walking it across instead of riding. Her mother had made it clear that under no circumstances was she to ride or drive over the bridge. It was a silly rule; she followed it anyway.

The house was more run down than usual. It shouldn’t have upset her as much as it did. After all, it wasn’t like she had really ever lived in the house anyway. But it was still part of everything she had known growing up. To see it practically falling apart was… well, it was nothing short of devastating.

Without taking her eyes off of the house, she propped her bike up by its kickstand and slowly made her way to the front door. Step by step, each stair creaked under her weight. The house was a little creepy. Maybe it would be best if she just didn’t go in. After all, the door was practically falling off the hinge, if she actually knocked it would-

-the door swung inwards.

And you were standing there in the doorway with your eyes wide. You looked like you had seen a ghost.

“What are you doing here?” Astrid asked quietly.

You exhaled harshly, shoulders sagging with the movement.

“Want some tea?”

—---

Astrid looked as beautiful as the day you had left. Well, no, you hadn’t exactly left but… no, that was something you would face later. For the moment, you were going to enjoy seeing her again. It hadn’t been long, but she had grown into her own. Beautiful as always, too.

And way too quiet for your liking.

“Chamomile okay?” You asked when the kettle was near screaming.

She nodded once, not removing her eyes from you. It was unsettling; you had used to love it. Astrid wasn’t like normal girls, and not in the “too cool for school” kind of way. It was more of an “I’ll be me whether anyone likes it or not” kind of way. If she wanted to be weird and goth then she would and no one could stop her!

But you didn’t like how she was looking at you.

You placed the teabag in the mug and slid it in front of her. The kettle was only seconds away from screaming when you pulled it off the stove. No need to burst anyone’s eardrums. There was no point in being careful with the scalding water as you poured it into her mug.

“You disappeared,” Astrid said while you were mid-pour.

“About that,” you hummed.

“Does your mom know?” She continued. “That you’re right back where you started?”

Your mom. Momma. She had been left all alone after… how had she fared? Were the townspeople nice to her? They had better be, or you would personally bring hell to every single one of them.

“What does she think happened to me?” You asked as you turned around and placed the kettle back on the stove. You didn’t turn back around.

“What everyone else thinks,” Astrid said, “that you ran off.”

“Was she okay?”

“Honestly?” She asked. “She said she was glad you got out of this little town. Said you were too good for it anyway.”

Well that… that almost hurt worse than knowing she never knew the truth. Your momma hadn’t been perfect, but she had done the best with what she had. Time and time again, she had told you in her drunken stupor that you were destined for great things. You had always taken it to heart.

You need to tell her.

“Hey, Astrid?” You asked with a weak voice.

She hummed for you to continue.

“Remember in school when we would say we didn’t believe in ghosts?”

“Yeah, why?”

With a sigh, you turned to look over your shoulder. Astrid’s head was tilted slightly in that way you always found cute. It didn’t click just yet. She just kept looking at you, waiting for you to continue. You raised your brows at her. She was almost there, you could tell by the slight crinkle in her nose, and- ah, there it was.

“You’re joking,” she said.

You gave her your best tight-lipped “white person” smile but otherwise didn’t answer.

“You saw one?” She asked.

Oh. Oh, no, she didn’t get it.

“Well, yes,” you said, turning your full body so you could lean back against the stove and look at her, “but that’s not what I’m saying.”

“Then what are-” there it is “-oh.”

There was something in her eyes when realisation dawned. Her eyes, while a gorgeous dark brown, were usually so bright. So happy, even when she was trying to act like she didn’t care about the world around her. But this was different. Any brightness dimmed to practically nothing.

“How?” She asked.

You shrugged and looked away. “The football team pushed me off the bridge.”

It wasn’t a fond memory, that was for sure. The icy layer covering the river had been rather sharp. But even that hadn’t compared to the pain of inhaling freezing water deep into your lungs. From what you could remember, it was slow. A memory you didn’t enjoy having, but maybe one day it would go away.

“You were murdered?” Astrid asked incredulously; horrifically.

“I mean listen, it’s not too bad,” you attempted to play it off. “It got me out of taking winter finals, which we both know I would’ve failed.”

“But it’s-”

“-I know, Astrid,” you interrupted.

You liked Astrid. You would even go so far as to say you loved her, mostly probably. Were you young? Sure. A little stupid and naive? Absolutely. High school sweethearts? You would say so, yeah. But she instigated a little too much, and she wanted to know everything, but this just wasn’t really something you wanted to indulge her in. Not yet, anyway.

Astrid was quiet for a moment. The gears were turning in her head, you could practically smell the smoke coming off them. What was she thinking, you wondered. Was she dwelling on the fact that you had died, cold and slow and alone? You certainly hoped not, it wouldn’t change anything. You were dead, you were now a ghost, and long-distance relationships weren’t that hard any more thanks to technology, so you could both still make it work!

If she wanted, of course.

“I thought my mom said her ghosts were stuck in the house for, like, a century or something,” she said instead.

You laughed. That was much easier to answer. “I told their caseworker I’d take their place. You know, let them rest in peace, or whatever,” you waved your hands vaguely.

“Caseworker?”

“It’s a long story.”

“So you’re why the previous owners left?” She asked.

“Guilty as charged.” You wiggled your fingers in her direction and smiled.

For the first time all day, she smiled back. God, you missed her smile.

“If you really are a ghost,” she said with a tilt of her head, “how can you pick things up?”

“Ooh, we’re getting to the fun questions,” you said with a smile.

The look on Astrid’s face was perfect. Curious, distrusting. The best mix of emotions; you loved when she was uncertain. It was a more genuine look for her, instead of trying to act like she knew everything and always knew what to expect. Always made her look super cute, honestly.

You walked over to where she was sitting at the run-down table. She turned to keep facing you until you were standing directly in front of her. It was going to be a risk, but one you were very much willing to take. Worst case, you stay stuck in the stupid house forever. No different from your current predicament.

“Took me a few months to really get the hang of it,” you said. Her eyes sparkled again. “You just focus on what you want to touch,” she blushed, “and voila.”

Her blush vanished when you picked up the mug beside her. What you really wanted to do was touch her. Gods, you wanted to know if you could still feel her warmth, the softness of her skin. But it wasn’t time. No, she was probably still worried about the fact that you had… well, you know. Died.

“It took you months to figure out how to do that?” She asked with a cheeky smile.

“Shut up,” you huffed, placing the mug back on the table. “It wasn’t like I had much to work with.”

“Why didn’t you ask my mom’s old friends how to do it?” Astrid asked before leaning back against the table. “I’m sure they would’ve helped you.”

“Never actually had the pleasure of meeting them,” you said with a shrug. “I only got to meet the other guy.”

“The other guy?” She asked, looking away in thought for a moment before looking back at you. “Oh, you mean Beetlegeu-”

-you slapped your hand over her mouth before she could continue.

“Don’t say it,” you whispered.

She nodded once, and you pulled your hand away.

“Was he really that awful?” She asked, matching your tone.

“He was that annoying,” you grumbled. “God, I swore the guy would never shut up.”

Astrid did her little crooked smile and laugh. The one that you would always try your best to force out of her during class to get her in trouble. Wait, that sounded bad. You didn’t want her to get in trouble, you just would have enjoyed her presence in detention. With you.

“So what else did you take two years to learn?” Astrid asked. She leaned forward until she was so close you could smell her shampoo. “Anything exciting?”

Wait. Wait, this could be your chance. You might be able to do something about it, this could be your shot. Two years in limbo, sitting in a run down house that did nothing but remind you of Astrid with everything you saw. It was her family’s house. You couldn’t leave her even if you had wanted to.

“Well,” you said, “there is something I’ve been wanting to test out.” You looked up to meet her eyes. “May I?”

“Let’s see what you got, ghosty,” she said.

You nodded to yourself and focused. Focused on her body, more specifically her face. Her stunning, beautiful, gorgeous, smiling face. Day after day, you had been thinking of her, and you had hoped time and time again that somehow she would come back to the house.

One deep inhale, hold your breath. Your hands were shaking so badly you would have dropped everything had you been holding something in the first place. And yet, Astrid didn’t budge when you lifted your hands and placed them on either side of her face. Exhale.

Her body was absent of warmth. Astrid had never been an exceptionally warm individual to begin with but this was… different. You couldn’t bring yourself to tell her that you couldn’t feel her. Sure, you could touch things, but you couldn’t feel any of it. It wasn’t something you could describe, except calling it surreal.

“May I?” You asked again.

You could feel her breath on your lips even as she nodded. It was all you needed to pull her into a kiss. There was still no warmth, but there was a… a comfort in it. In feeling her lips against yours again after so long. To feel her breath mix with yours, replacing everything you didn’t need but you so desperately craved.

Her hands attempted to settle on your hips but fell straight through. In turn, you felt her shoulders sag as she placed her hands on your knees instead. That was… not a nice feeling. Maybe you could learn to focus enough to let her feel you back. That was possible, right? Surely it was.

You pulled away slowly. If you could have stayed kissing her for the rest of your century in that hellhole, you would have. But unfortunately, Astrid still had to breathe, and you had to give her the space to do it. Earlier you had questioned if you had really loved her or if it was a puppy love?

Oh no. It was the real deal.

“You can’t leave at all?” Astrid asked. “Not even for an hour or so?”

“You mean the haunted house isn’t romantic?” You teased.

“What do you even do in here all day every day?” She asked.

Once again, she reached out to touch you. Somewhere, anyway. You looked down at where she was attempting to hold your hand. Maybe if you could focus really hard, it would work. As far as you knew, you couldn’t materialise. At least, you didn’t think you could. But if you really concentrated.

Her fingers slipped between yours and, for the first time in two years, you felt her squeeze your hand. Physical touch. Real physical touch.

“I, ah,” you stammered, looking down at where she was still holding your hand. “It’s in my contract to scare people.”

“Contract?” She asked. Your arm moved as she pulled you closer. Okay, maybe physical touch was a bit unfamiliar to you after so long, you would need to get used to it again.

“My caseworker says I have a quota to meet,” you said, finally looking back up to meet her eyes. “So many people each quarter, you know?”

“So you need people to scare?” She asked. “On a regular basis.”

There was a sparkle in her eye. Something dangerous; scandalous.

“You have something in mind?” You asked with a tilt of your head.

Her smile was vicious. And attractive.

—---

The house looked beautiful in the daylight. The paint was fresh, the inside was cosy, and when nighttime fell? Rumour had it the ghosts came out to play. That was why most people rented out the house; their own private haunting for a night. The listing said if you could survive the night, the stay was free. So far, no one had lasted long enough to even give it a good shot.

And as you stood at the end of the bed watching the young couple sprint down the stairs screaming, you knew they wouldn’t be the winners either.

You walked over to the window and watched as they threw their singular bag into their car and peeled out of the dirt driveway. It hadn’t even been any fun, they hadn’t given you any time to actually scare them. Hell, all you had done was stand at the bed! You hadn’t made any faces, hadn’t pulled any jumpscares, you had simply stood there.

Were you really that scary?

“Gone already?” Astrid asked in a sleepy voice as she walked to stand beside you at the window.

“Didn’t even stay long enough for me to have any fun,” you pouted.

“Well, you’ve hit your quota,” she said. She grabbed your arm and pulled it over her shoulder before tucking closer to your body. After a few months, you were finally starting to feel a bit of warmth from her.

At least, you thought you did.

“Your mom is coming by in the morning?” You asked.

She hummed her confirmation.

“Maybe I can try to scare her, then,” you said.

Astrid pulled you away from the window and started walking you toward your shared bedroom. Not that you really needed the sleep, but it was nice to be able to lay next to her. It was exhausting to keep a more physical form, but for her? You would do it all day every day.

“Good luck scaring her,” Astrid said as she pulled you onto the bed. “She practically grew up with ghosts.”

“I’ll scare your grandmother then,” you said softly, but she didn’t move.

Astrid was already asleep in your arms, just like you had always imagined. Maybe being dead really wasn’t as awful as everyone had always made it seem. After all, it got you your dream girl.

#astrid deetz x reader #astrid deetz imagine #jenna ortega x reader

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sweatervest-obsessed · 1 month

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Can You Come Around

Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader

pairing: modern!steve harrington x modern!fem!reader

wc: 2629

cw: mad flirting, swearing, alcohol, drinking, weed, smoking, mentions of cheating, men being weird, smut, 18+ mdni, fingering, teasing

a/n: set in modern times with the reader as the front woman of a new band in NYC. hope you guys like it!!

steve masterlist

“Goddamn” Eddie whispered as they all stared up at the stage.

It was Robin’s twenty-first birthday, causing everyone to meet up in New York City. Since Robin was the last of the eldest teens to turn of legal drinking age, the group decided to go on a small trip in honor of the momentous occasion.

A four day trip with four of Steve’s closest friends—what could possibly go wrong.

Originally? Nothing.

Wednesday and Thursday went off without a hitch. Seeing as her birthday was Wednesday, they spent the night bar hopping, snagging free drinks from those who were feeling generous enough to donate to their celebration, and snagging as many free desserts from as many restaurants as possible.

Then Friday night hit. Abandoning their original plan to try this bar near NYU that Nancy had been raving about, they found themselves in some other part of Greenwich, at this random bar that Eddie just had to go to.

You see, the group had run into one of Eddie’s old friends on Thursday, and he wouldn’t stop raving about this random band that only Eddie seemed to have heard about. And that’s when Eddie turned to look at the group.

“No.”

“Nancy—”

“I said no Eddie, this was the plan–”

At one point he even got on his knees and pleaded with Nancy.

She eventually caved when Eddie offered to sponsor her drinks for the rest of her trip.

Which is how they found themselves packed in the back corner of this surprising large space. It had to have spanned across two buildings since it was just this giant, underground hall that was covered in drawings, in stickers, in posters, in murals, in graffiti—dark, but not dingy, which Nancy and Robin greatly appreciated. Once the group had managed to snag a table in the back, and gotten their drinks, they all started talking to one another.

It was loud, but since there was no music playing, they could still hear one another pretty well.

That was until your band walked on stage the crowd of college kids roared.

To say that Steve was completely and utterly entranced by you was an understatement. The roaming lights around the audience would catch his eyes every now and again, but it didn’t matter if he was being blinded since he could only see you anyways.

As you greeted the audience, Eddie elbowed Steve slightly in an ‘I told you so’ manner. “You’re going to fucking love them man.”

Steve only nodded in response, watching your smile broaden with each roar of applause from the crowd.

The night went on like this, Steve being completely despondent from all conversations happening at the table, and the group making fun of his infatuation. He barely even finished the beer in his hand, only able to focus on the sound of your voice filling up every available inch of room. It was hard to not breathe you in with every single inhale he took.

As the night was winding down, the crowd only grew. But as all good things, your performance had to come to an end. Your voice rang out.

“New York!”

They roared in response to you.

“I just want to thank you all for coming out tonight to support me and my friends. At the end of the day we’re just a bunch of idiot twenty-two years old that fucking love music, and we’re so grateful you guys decided to come out and support us tonight.”

Steve heard Eddie scream over his shoulder with the rest of the crowd.

“Now, we only have one song left in our set–I know I know it’s devastating but some of us wanna get fucked up too.”

The opening chords of the song rang out and Steve swore he was going to go deaf. He had never actually felt sound before, but there was a first time for everything.

Nancy whacked Eddie’s shoulder. “I fucking love this song, why didn’t you lead with that?”

Eddie’s eyes grew wide as your voice floated over.

Can you come around? Fuck me nice.

“You know—you LIKE–this song?”

Pull my hair. Sing me lullabies.

“Eddie, we listened to it in the van on the way here..”

And we can pretend that we're in love.

Steve blocked out the rest of their conversations and zeroed in on the thrumming of his pulse as you continued to sing.

“When you come around, I’ll wear red. And I’ll forget all the awful things you’ve ever said. And we can pretend that we're in love.”

Singing has been a passion of yours from a very young age. You were in vocal lessons the second you turned four, and dance lessons by five. Your parents were certain you were going to be the next broadway triple threat. You had even picked up the guitar and piano by age seven. But by the time you hit middle school, you had become more interested in writing, in poetry. You dropped the dance lessons and picked up drum lessons instead, much to the chagrin of your father. Writing poetry turned into writing music, and suddenly you were sneaking off to go to concerts every night, finding ways to get into bars to see local singers and bands. It was exhilarating watching people pursue their passion.

You found your bandmates in your first semester at Columbia. You had been in the wrong place at the right time, finding out that one of your lab partners could also play the guitar and the bass. And then you found out she knew someone who played the drums who was looking for a few people to hangout with. Then you found out that the drummer's sister was a keyboardist who was over at NYU. And NYU’s roommate? Well she just so happened to be one of the greatest guitar players you had ever heard.

That’s when you guys started playing and writing music together.

“Until I throw a punch and you call me a cunt and that tips me over the edge. Ah, you throw my phone out the window. The next thing the neighbor says she’s calling’ the feds, and I wish you were dead. For a sec. I wish you dead. “

You couldn’t help but feel as though someone had shot electricity through your veins. Any time you stepped out on that stage, it was as if the world shifted under your feet and suddenly you could feel every single pulse of every single person in the audience.

Tonight was no exception. You had officially released two EPs with collections of songs on them over the past few years, but a few weeks ago, your band had signed with an agent, who was able to get you more gigs, better gigs. She was incredible.

Exactly a week ago, you had released your first ever single with a label. Your EPs were listened to, and you were an up-and-coming group to look out for, for sure, but you had never had a single before.

It blew up.

“But you come around. At ten pm. We watch tv. We break the bed.”

Tonight was the first time you were singing the single live, and hearing the entire audience screaming the words back to you took your breath away. You almost forgot the next words since you were so baffled at just how many people knew your songs, how many people knew the words.

And we can pretend that we're in love. We can pretend that we’re in love.”

You couldn’t help as your eyes roamed the entire audience the whole night, but during this final song, you locked eyes with someone in the back.

He had these gorgeous eyes that only showed for a brief second as the light that had roamed over him, before it moved on and he was gone again.

Your heart almost jumped into your throat and your stomach flipped. Who the fuck was this man, and how did you find him once you finished singing this song?

This song was written over the course of twenty-seven minutes.

About four months ago, your relationship of three years had decided that you weren’t enough. And instead of ending it all proper-like, he decided to go and fuck some random girl in his ethics class.

The irony was not lost on you.

For a sec. I wish you dead. I wish you were dead.

After you had finished performing, you went backstage, congratulating your bandmates, but your mind was somewhere else. It was in the back of the venue with one of the most gorgeous men you had ever seen in your life.

At the same time, Steve Harrington was running through all of the ways he would be able to find you in this crowd. He wasn’t about to tell his friends he was running off to find you, since it was Robin’s birthday night after all, but he wasn’t about to not take the chance.

“They’re fucking amazing…” Robin slurred out a little bit, having had six shots in the past ten minutes. Wearing a “It’s my birthday” sash in a bar is all fun and games until you receive your tenth tequila shot and eighth free margarita from kind strangers.

“Alright…maybe we should…”

Steve and Eddie chuckled at the sound that emanated from Robin’s mouth. He was sure if he put in the effort, he could translate it to a negative response to Nancy’s suggestion.

“I’ll be right back Eds, while Nance and Johnny take Robin back. I know you wanted to stay out a little longer.” He muttered to Eddie before heading off, towards the hallway near the side of the venue.

Steve found a bouncer near the end of the hallway who was smoking a cigarette and nodded outside. “Do you mind if I…?”

The guy shook his head. “Knock twice to be let back in, yeah?”

Steve nodded and headed outside, reaching into his pocket to pull out a joint from the small container in his pocket.

Just as he did so, he heard a cough from beside him. “You don’t happen to have a…”

As Steve looked up, your voice trailed off. The rest of your sentence didn’t matter since you were face to face with the mystery man from the back of the room.

“Hey you’re–” Steve pointed at you before realzing how fucking dumb he must sound. But you just shrugged and nodded.

“Yeah. How’d you like the show?”

Steve held the lighter up and lit the joint that was in your hand. “Loved it.”

“Yeah?”

All you could notice was how gorgeous his eyes were again, stunned into a moment of hesitation with words since you were absolutely too mesmerized by him.

“Great fucking show.”

That and his hands. You would let those fucking hands do anything to you.

“Think so?”

Steve nodded, and bit his lip as he looked you up and down shamelessly.

You come around. Fuck me nice. Pull my hair. Sing me lullabies.

You shoved Steve up against a wall, lips against his. He tasted like weed and whatever beer he had been drinking earlier.

His hands cupped your ass as the two of you began to make out in the dimly lit alley behind the venue.

No other words needed.

Your body rolled reflexively against his, causing him to moan softly into your mouth.

“Just gonna kiss me pretty boy or…” You muttered as you kissed across his jaw, sucking and leaving marks all across his neck.

Steve took the opportunity to roll the both of you against the wall so now his body pressed yours up against it.

His hands had moved from your back to your hips, squeezing them ever so slightly as to get more of a rise out of you.

It was working.

He slipped one of his hands down the curve of your hip and to the front of your jeans, unzipping them as you moaned into his mouth. The fingers that had previously been on his neck were now twisted in his hair.

Steve’s pointer finger slid up your panties, causing your whole body to jolt at the touch of him between your thighs.

“Please…fuck…P-Please.”

His lips trailed down your cheek and towards your neck.

The feeling of his hand so close to your pussy and the fanning of his breath over your neck was enough to almost send you over the edge right then and there.

Steve knew better than to keep you waiting. Brushing aside your underwear with his thumb, he pressed a finger up into your core.

Steve’s eye’s grew darker at the feeling of how completely soaked you were, just for him.

Your hips rocked back and forth slightly, trying to get him to move, trying to get the friction.

Steve took the hint and dug his finger in further, getting up to his knuckle in pussy.

Once Steve had thouroughly fucked you with just one finger, he decided to add another. And then another, causing you to tug even more on his hair.

Steve decided right then and there, he loved the feeling of your squirming on his hand while you yanked the shit out of his hair.

“F-fuck–shit I’m…I’m so..”

Steve started rapidly curling his fingers inside of you, over and over and over again, brushing against your g-spot over and over and over again.

His other hand came up to your mouth and he slowly pushed his two middle fingers inside, causing you to slightly choke on them, and then moan.

It was muffled by the digits in your mouth, but it was the final straw that caused your orgasm to snap your body in half. Choking slightly on one hand, and your pussy convulsing on his other, you had ascended to heaven.

A man had never made you cum just by fingering you before.

In the midst of your orgasm, body spasming at Steve’s fingers contined to fuck your insides, that Steve was probably just a god—a sex god really. No man could be this handsome and fuckable, while also being phenomenal at sex.

Eventually as your body calmed down, and Steve removed his hand from your mouth, you felt his lips on yours. Your hand instantly shoved him hard against your lips, feeling the need to feel something of his skin on yours.

He slowly circled his fingers causing your body to let out another moan, sending a shiver up your spine.

After a few moments Steve pulled away, and you opened your eyes to take another look at the man standing with you. As you did so, he very gently pulled his hand out, looking you in the eyes the whole time.

You might as well had cum a second time right then and there as he slowly slipped his fingers, covered in your orgasm, into his mouth. If you thought about it too much, you were sure you basically drooled right then and there for this man.

“You…”

Steve raised his eyebrows at the fact that the woman he had just heard singing her heart out was now speechless at him.

“Me?”

“You’re coming back to my apartment.”

“Oh?”

You nodded and slid one of your hands down to zip up your jeans and fix your shirt. Not that it mattered since you looked like you had just been fucked to heaven and back in an alley.

Not even a moment later, just as Eddie was leaving the club he received a text from Steve:

Dont wait up

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tranzjen · 3 months

Text

🖤💙 4 days until my Surgery 💙🖤

(Picture taken Dec 9th, 2023)

I'm very very excited for my surgery (it's my second gender affirming surgery but this one is more significant to me since it'll be top and bottom surgery) and I'm obviously counting the days until it and I thought some people might be interested in my trans journey 🏳️‍⚧️ So see part 7 below the cut.

Part 1 here

As the summer was ending, I got really lucky! A lesbian hairstylist (who helped organize the drag show I went in the last update) gave my name to this sales lady who sold accounting work to like companies and she needed help with researching CEO and CFO types. And she paid me out of pocket and honestly it was pretty easy internet research using Google. I felt like a little rat scurrying across the Internet 🐀 So, thank you lesbians 🙏🙏

(Picture taken Nov 6th, 2022)

Apparently I really impressed her so she got me hired full time as a sales admin for her company (I wouldn't have gotten with my lack of a college degree without her) and I've had that job since! And a lot of my transition wouldn't be possible without the pay and benefits of this job. Also this is my first job where I get gendered correctly and I'm slowly getting less anxious about going to the bathroom at work 🥰

She honestly mom'd up on me and bought me a bunch of new business casual clothes for the job. And here's an example of one of my new work outfits 😁

(Picture taken Nov 14, 2022)

Bc of the new job I was able to afford a lot more things for transitioning! Like voice training. I remember when I first cracked I tried to just teach myself using videos but I wasn't good at it 😅 Also a friend during the summer of 2022 helped me and I did make some progress with her help. But, I started making a lot more progress once I started seeing a speech therapist. But, there was a barrier since I could tell she hadn't worked too much with trans people. I went to a speech therapist bc it was covered by my insurance but she moved and then I couldn't find anyone for insurance covered speech therapy. So, I eventually just paid for lessons Your Lessons Now. And, honestly it's going a lot better! It's really nice to be able to talk about my frustrations with voice training with another transfem. The biggest thing I'm learning from here is how to break the bad habit of pitching up my voice by squeezing my vocal chords.

(Picture taken Sept 8th, 2023)

I had also switched to injections and I highly recommend it! A friend even made my first two vials into earrings 🔥

I also got a lot lazier with makeup 😅 I do eyeliner wings, mascara, and blush for when I go into the office. Which for a bunch of accountants means I do about as much makeup that is normal for the women in the office 🤷‍♀️

(Pictures taken October 31st and December 2nd of 2022)

These were two notable exceptions. I really love the makeup I did for the Halloween of 2022 bc I decided to go as a ghost-type trainer. And the one on the right is when I learned how to use concealer to cover my 'raccoon eyes' as my dad liked to call them 🦝

Also this would be a good time to mention something I probably should've mentioned earlier 😅 I never learned how to use foundation. I know it's easy but I have a weird mental block around it 🤷‍♀️ But, in the summer of 2021 I started doing twice daily skincare routine for my face. Which took me from a very acne heavy face to people being surprised I'm not wearing foundation. Also the routine is really nice. Would recommend to those who want to get rid of their acne (send an ask if you want to know specifics).

(Picture taken Aug 20, 2023)

Romance update since I've been doing that lol: Well, things ended with all the girlfriends I had so I am down to 1 partner. And I got caught in a romance scam for a few months 😭 However, I can't really complain because I got engaged!!! It was so sweet in cute. My partner and I had this date the night before Valentine's Day under a statue outside of a local art museum. We read sapphic poetry by candle light and then they popped the question 🥰🥰

But, I say another big part of this era was I made a lot more local trans friends. Went to a good amount of house parties which would've surprised pre-transition me! And I really love my community of queer people I've been building 🥺🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️💕

(Picture taken July 21st, 2023)

Oh yeah!! I also started laser hair removal at the beginning of 2021 as well. Which was before this era but time is a lie. But the new job definitely made it easier to afford.

The biggest step for my transition was getting my surgeries set up!! And my FFS (facial feminization surgery) marks the end of this era. Below was the last picture I took before my FFS.

(Picture taken Feb 17th, 2024)

So, in my next update, I'll be showing my post-op pictures once most of the swelling went down. See you tomorrow!! 😁✌️

Next Part Here

#trans journey #trans #girlslikeus #ok to rb #transfem #tranzjen pics #transgender

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 9 months

Note

AITA for not wanting to play DnD with a teenager?

So I (22F) am in college and after classes I like to play DnD with four of my friends, Ricky (21M), Tara (21F) Lola (22F) and Julie (20F)

Well recently Tara's little sister Ashley (15F) has been hanging out at Tara's apartment, where we usually have our game sessions, after school. Like for about two weeks now. Tara says its because her mother got a new job and doesnt get off work until 7pm so Ashley stays at the apartment from 4pm till about 7:30pm when her mother comes to pick her up.

4 pm is when our game sessions start most of the time (depending on if any of us have night classes that day or not) which means we now have a literal child watching us play. And because of that Tara has asked that we tone down the game sessions to be more "appropriate" and we also cant get drunk until Ashley leaves (which is stupid because Julie is under 21 and we can drink around her just fine but whatever) frankly I didnt mind the constant audience since Ashley was far more interested in watching us play than watching TV or playing on Tara's switch.

Well apparently just watching wasnt good enough for the brat because when i got to Tara's apartment for a game, Ashley was sitting at our table, excitedly filling out a character sheet while chattering nonstop with Ricky and Lola (Julie wasn't coming this time she had the stomach flu)

I naturally asked what she was doing because she normally just watched. Ashley gave me a confused look and said that she was joining our game like we had apparently talked about in our groupchat the night prior. Ricky and Lola both backed her up and showed the groupchat.

I had seen the messages but I thought Tara was joking about adding a literal child that doesnt even have a learners permit to our game that we had been continuing for three months now. I naturally went to go confront Tara.

She said that I agreed to let Ashley join in and if I didn't want to play with her I could've just not come.

Is she fucking serious?

What kind of sane person would want to play with a literal child and its edgy as fuck character (like the character was a wolf necromancer dressed in all black with two random scars across its chest. You could smell the hot topic radiating from this cringefest)

Tara refused to listen to reason and instead insisted that Ashley can play just for tonight and if i didnt like it I could leave.

I had no choice to stay and play

It was so fucking miserable.

The brat was constantly making stupid mistakes and dragging the whole party down with her. We constantly had to stop so Ricky (our DM) could explain things that should've been obvious because Ashley was too stupid to actually figure it out. My character was having to bail her's out near constantly. It was getting to the point where I just wanted to legitimately slap Ashley. I didnt because Tara would absolutely murder me but oh the temptation was strong.

And the worst part? I was the only one who seemed to be upset that our game was being completely thrown off course. Ricky, Lola and Tara took all of Ashley's many many fuck ups in stride and actually seemed to be enjoying it.

I have no idea why, that game was a train wreck

After an hour of hell Ricky called it quits for the day.

Which was weird because we usually go well into the night most of the time. Once the game was over Tara grabbed me by the arm and led me to the kitchen.

She asked me what the hell my problem was because it was apparently MY fault the game went so poorly and not the literal child's.

So I let her have it.

I told her it was a stupid idea to let her dumbass sister play with us, that Ashley shouldnt be playing with adults and its stupid to expect us to bow to the whims of a fifteen year old. I told her I never wanted to play with stupid bitch ass of a sister ever again.

I left the apartment after that.

This morning I was removed from the groupchat and all my friends have blocked me

Except for Lola, who has been going off on me in dms all day, calling me a horrible person, transphobic, a bully and a bitch. Every name in the book. None of them are talking to me and Julie, who wasn't even there keeps calling me an asshole and says i should apologize

AITA? I dont think i did anything wrong but everyone else thinks I did

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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drdemonprince · 4 months

Text

I was talking to some relatives about our comparative sensitivities to substances. As a young person, I had the classic Autistic hyper-sensitivity to drugs. Two beers could knock me out. Anything past that was disgusting to me; at Ohio State I was constantly hiding half-drunk solo cups of Natty Light on bookshelves and in basements because I couldn't keep up with anyone else. I had no taste for weed or anything harder because I hated how tired it made me feel. At the same time, I always remained lucid on substances. I was always the person who could snap into practical, problem-solving thinking and put on a sober face if a member of my party got in trouble for pissing in the street or started fighting or ran afoul of the cops.

growing up, my friends were always trying to get fucked up so they could escape their brains and their realities, and then falling into huge problems because they'd done so. they'd get drunk and piss themselves. drive drunk home. fall in love with some dude on cocaine ten years older than them and then have to bust open a garage window with their fist when he was freaking out threatening himself. they'd blow out their caffeine receptors on weird drug store cold medicine and not be able to drink coffee for years. they'd drag themselves hung over to work or have to run a 5k still stoned. i didnt understand why they'd be so irrational. i was always the person sitting on the floor, a little tired but fine, watching them wrestle eachother drunkenly or cry when they'd started taking whatever drug it was to make themselves feel good. i didn't understand why someone would choose to weaken themselves and make themselves feel even worse. but nothing ever really felt good to me. i was just a flat line.

My sensitivity has changed thanks to testosterone, specifically because of muscle growth. I can throw back a number of drinks that startles me now, and feel almost nothing. A few months back a friend was being very generous with the boozy slushies at Sidetrack and the shots. I don't know how many I had. But more than I'd had to drink in many, many years at least. Which is probably still a small-seeming number to the real professionals, maybe something like 6 or 7 drinks total. But I felt completely fine, nothing past a little silly. I ate a taco on the curb, sipped some water, and then I was fine.

My sister is barely feels substances at all. She can't tell when pain medications work. In college, during a spat with a sorority "little" of hers who began to stalk her, she spent every afternoon at the bar downing shots from a shot-club list in exchange for a t-shirt, and it didn't affect her. She hates food and eats very little because of probably ARFID, but she will drink just about anything, and can do so in abundance if she wants to. But she rarely wants to, because it doesn't make her feel any more fucked up than a couple of cocktails. She smoked weed and took edibles sporadically for years without them ever kicking in or doing anything to her.

I am reminded of that story I read about the guy with really high social anxiety whom the CIA gave like ten tabs of acid, as part of some fucked up experiment, and he remained completely lucid, polite, present, and normal-seeming the entire time. Because he was just such a fucking tight-assed neurotic person that he couldn't let go of his iron-tight grip on reality. After his 12th acid tab, he got a little bit sleepy and went off to bed, or something like that. (If someone remembers this story and can find a link, send it to me!).

I don't know that I'd be the same, I've never tried, acid, but I imagine that it would play out something like that. I'd clench my firsts tight onto reality and keep masking as normal until I reached the absolute fucking brink of my ability to cope, and then I wouldn't enjoy the high, i'd just be so fucked up that I needed to go lie down. Mushrooms didn't affect me much, either.

I can't seem to escape my constant neurotic rumination and compulsive need to attend to the reactions of others and modulate myself. I wish I could let loose, but then again, when a person says they want one thing and they behave in a completely different way, trust the behavior. Clearly I don't want to lose control. I'm obsessed with maintaining my perspective. The one time I got properly zooted high at Nowadays in New York I nearly lost my phone, and I don't want to risk anything like that again. Anxiety is such a protective thing. we evolved to survive not to be happy. and all told i'm pretty good at keeping shit together, looking after myself, looking after others, and not fucking things up. my anxiety and rigidity has spared my ass a whole lot of problems, saved me a lot of money, helped my career, helped me escape arrest. i wish i could relax once in a fucking while but also i dont. im in love with what a tight ass sharp edged tense little bitch i can be. i dont know who the alternative version of me even would be. if i were to let properly loose and get sloppy it would feel like some abdication of duty, because I know that I *can* keep it together no matter what, and it seems so many people can't.

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lizzyscribbles · 1 month

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You know what I realized yesterday through an event that I desire to never deal with again in my entire life?? Toga’s parents really did suck.

Today’s Rambling Thought: Toga, and why her parents deserve hell.

Picture this, it’s the evening, I’m getting ready to get on a discord call with my friend because we’ve been watching MHA together and we usually chat between episodes (it’s their first time watching the show, we’re in season three). I go to use the bathroom and what do I find?? Remnants!!! Of a bird!! I’m not talking about a few feathers here, I’m talking bones, a pile of internal organs, and a half mutilated wing covered in blood and God knows what else. Completely dismembered. Of course, there are two potential culprits in this crime scene, both cats. (I should mention these aren’t my cats, I was watching them for a friend), but I’m pretty sure the one circling my feel and meowing proudly is the one. So, I get to clean up bird guts at like 8PM, trying my hardest not to gag.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT I DID TO THE POTENTIAL CRIMINAL??

Nothing. I patted his head and gave him a scratch.

All this delightful context to put into perspective this realization that came to me later that night, how is it that I - someone who actually had to clean up a mutilated bird - nicer to a cat that ISN’T MY OWN than Toga’s parents were TO THEIR OWN DAUGHTER. Now I’m no saint, and I realize a cat and a human are completely different, but come on, for real guys?

I don’t think we’re told how old Toga is in the scene where she’s offering her parents the bird (if you know please share) but we know she’s a little kid. Like I’ve said before, I’m studying psychology in college and I worked with kids in foster care, so if I know anything at all it’s this: Children are little sponges, and they automatically want to do whatever it is you tell them not to do. It’s a natural part of development, and actually something we don’t really lose as we get older (the specific term is rebel psychological reactance I think). So it’s really no surprise that after years and years of being told nothing but no when it came to these urges she had, she eventually just snapped. The kids I worked with were the same, the longer they were in the shelter I worked at the less they felt inclined to listen when we told them no, and I don’t think I need to explain why that’s dangerous.

Now, I’m not saying that consuming another’s blood as a child or gnawing on yourself in your sleep is normal behavior or something a parent shouldn’t be concerned about, but there’s a reason therapy focuses on replacing negative coping skills with positive ones. Did they ever go beyond just calling her weird and creepy? Did they take her to a doctor get a blood test and find out if maybe there’s a reason she was doing this beyond just being freaky? Does she have an iron deficiency?? I’m just rambling now and that’s pure speculation, but no, they just kinda insulted her over and over, told her not to, and sent her to quirk counseling which IS NOT a substitute for actual therapy I’m sure. The bottom line here is that you can’t take something away and not add anything in. You can’t tell someone not to do something and not supplement it with something else.

It’s little wonder that once she snapped, she went straight to “I just want to do whatever I want”, because she spent her whole life being told not to be something. I think it’s easy to forget that Toga is still legally a child at the start of the series, one who has not been taught how to safely deal with her urges. No wonder she felt more at home with the league of villains, they gave her what she never got. No wonder Ochaco’s actions in the final chapter shocked her so much. She was never accepted for who she was until then. She was never treated like she was a normal person.

The people who were supposed to love her most in the world saw her as a disease to be rid of, and I that disgusts me more than a dead bird ever will.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk, I’m gonna go ramble about how, as an author and a fan, I love her end even if it makes me so sad, and Ochaco’s part in it.

#my hero academia #mha #mha spoilers #mha manga spoilers #toga himiko #mha himiko #toga #Lizzy’s MHA Rambles #bnha #league of villains

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harrysmimi · 1 year

Text

CEOrry Pt. 1

Synopsis: Harry finds an unexpected visitor at his bar

Series Masterlist | More of my work

YN was dragged out with her friends on a weekend. She was sulking around for what no one knew.

You see, like every other story YN's was starting to fill up with more and more trauma. It began with her wanting to move to away for studies, which did not happen with that much ease. Her mother wanted her to stay back home and work her old job. The trauma came with being scammed by people, learning hard way not to trust just about anyone who's being kind. But that was about it.

She's got everything, a nice loving family. Sure her parents don't have the best relationship but they're surviving. Her little brother is thriving in school like always. Until just a few months ago, her dad fell severely sick. Sole bread winner of her family.

All she earned went to providing herself a comfortable life, yet she sent the part of her bonus back home. To add more to that, she moved with few of her classmates as they were looking for a new roommate. That cut down bills by way far. She was able to help out her family the best she could.

She already worked two jobs.

College is a scam, she realised soon enough. It wasn't something one of her favourite YouTuber just said for fun and jokes in their videos. If she got a nice job with the degree which spent so much on already, it would have been worth it. Getting the tag of useless oldest child in her family was disheartening.

Now she has this guilt of being useless weighing on her shoulders. Well, that wouldn't be the only thing.

Her dad never let her take up any responsibilities. So it was new and difficult for her to step into his shoes.

Hopefully, until he's all recovered and healthy.

Of course, she'd still help him out!

"YN, what is wrong with you? Come on, come dance with us!" Julia, one of YN's friend's friend called for her over the over bearing music playing in this club.

All she saw was girls and boys dancing, girls and girls dancing, and boys and boy dancing, and a group of guys hovering over a girl in the corner. She seemed to be enjoying it, but apparently this place is supposed to be safe for the LGBTQIA+ people as well as girls. That particular group gave YN a weird ick for some reason.

Especially, when the girl started to seem feel a little uncomfortable. But to YN at ease those guys were thrown out of the bar immediately and the girl was safe. As YN was about to go pay her mind to something else, her best friend Kayla was pulling her towards the dance floor with a shot glass in her hand, her Fiancé following her with two glasses of shots.

One more thing to put YN on ease was, she doesn't have to pay for anything. That's what her friends said to her before they dragged her out, straight from her work.

"You need to stop sulking!" Kayla yelled so her friend could hear. "Come on, have this."

YN was handed a shot glass. Dressed in a pair of jeans and worn out hoodie she stole from her dad before she moved away, and her worn out and knock off brand Nikes shoes. She doesn't drink, but it all seemed so nice to divulge in.

"No, no, I can't." She shoved the drink back in her friend's hand.

"We have to let loose before we're swarmed by the finals." Josh, Kayla's Fiancé interfered.

Josh is an amazing guy. Like a brother to YN but, oh boy can he be a pain in the ass some times!

Being kinda manipulated by her friends and her intrusive thoughts, YN downed the drink in one go. Leaving her own self in utter surprise. Kayla and Josh looked at her concerned.

"Oh, that burns your throat!" Her yucky face made her friend burst out into laughter.

But there you go!

Another shot in, and YN was completely knocked off. Dancing with Kayla and Julia. The girls giving each other lap dances, as they drunkenly danced.

Josh was being the friend-parent as he was going to drive the girls back to their home.

"YN, what are you doing?" The group of four was disrupted by a man hovering over YN.

He stood about six feet tall, his eyes glaring into hers as he gripped on her wrist tightly. Fingertips digging into her skin along with the metal of his rings.

"Hey, hey back off!" Josh stepped in.

"Stay away!" The man warned Josh as she kept staring at YN.

She seemed completely defeated and weak. In surprise you can say? Maybe? Or she was scared? Maybe?

"What do you think you're doing?" He started dragging her to the side, to the stairs which led to the VIP section.

"Hey, where are you taking my friend?" Kayla fought with him, hitting his arms, but one glare from him as she was made quiet as well. Julia was holding onto YN for her dear life.

"Harry, please you're hurting me." YN muttered looking at the man stood infront of her.

Well, he wasn't holding onto her hand that harshly, her skin being very sensitive it was going to be red within matter of minutes. It was her survival instincts kicking in to use the puppy eyes-card. It worked as Harry loosened his grip on her wrist. He slipped the palm of his hand onto hers intertwining his fingers with hers.

It was a bit uncomfortable with his rings but the first time she held hand with him in a long time, YN realised.

"Come on, I'm taking you to your place now." He told to her.

"Oi, no she's not going anywhere with you." Julia warned Harry.

"Look, I know you're worried for your friend bit I know her, she knows me." Harry spoke calmly. "I will drop her back home, I promise."

YN's friends' are smart, even if they ask her, she's not in the right mind to give them a sensible answer. They wouldn't believe her if she said she knew this man, she's that drunk with just two shots one red wine later.

"YN do you know him?" Julia asked. At least one of the girl is not drunk her ass off, tipsy perhaps.

"Mhmm, I do know him." YN nodded. It's the truth.

YN have known Harry for little over six months now. They're great acquaintance, one of them would like to say.

"Now come on." Harry ushered her closely.

"No, I'm not letting her go!" Julia and Kayla clung onto her.

......................................................................

Back in Harry's SUV, YN sat with her friends. One was dozing off and one was glaring daggers at him through the rare view mirror as he was seated on the passenger side.

He had made an alliance that he'll take YN to her place and her friends can see she's safe and sound themself.

All three of her friends had followed her upstairs to her flat, until she was safe there. Well, her friends live there too, so they were off to bed as well.

"YN what the hell were you thinking tonight?" Harry shut the door to YN's bedroom. She stumbled towards her bed. "You said you never drink!"

"Until tonight." She pointed out, slurring on her words.

"You know you can't drink YN," he was being his calm self as he took off YN's shoes for her, "you know-"

"Stop it!" She snapped, "I know what I can and cannot do, okay? I don't want you telling me that as well. I'm trying my best!"

"I know you are, love." He cooed reaching for her carefully, "I know you are. I just want you to be careful."

"I know." She nodded. Her eyes getting teary all of a sudden.

You must be wondering, why and how YN knows Harry?

Well, she was to be a surrogate to his child, yeah...

Well, she still is, but she doesn't have a fetus in her womb.

YN was in one of those desparate panic situation when she had heard a few of the girls gossiping in her cafeteria she worked at about surrogacy. How some rich people pay the surrogate a amount for giving them a baby. How they can make hundreds and thousands even.

It usually just requires a surrogate to lend her womb, with a embryo made up from the egg and sperm from expecting parents is transferred to her uterus and she carries the baby to the full term.

Well, that seemed like more of an amazing option than taking up a third job and risk failing her classes she took out loans for. It would be over if nice months!

Well, not until it was Harry who approached her. He'd be a single parent which would mean the baby would be hers as well.

Now, she's one of the old school girls (according to many now-a-days). She wants her own kids!

At first, she refused to help him. No way, she was going to up and leave a child which would part hers biologically as well. Well, until her step-mother called saying her father needs a surgery, it is very crucial for his health.

There was no way they could pay for the surgery. And the hospital refused to go further with the procedure without the payment. That was one of the many bad and corrupt shit she hated about her country.

She had two options again, risk failing her PhD, or go give this man a child and never see it again.

In the moment all she could think about was her father. She had an amazing relationship with her dad.

She can have more kids, but she's got just one dad.

Saying, fuck all; she went head first into this. Especially when Harry was surprisingly ready to sign her a blank cheque if needed.

Harry being the millionaire he is, made her sign a contract that the child's sole custody would be his and she can not see the baby, or she's just have six months if she willingly decides she wants to breast feed the baby. It had many more conditions like those.

Everything moved very fast, there was an embryo transfer into her uterus. She was pregnant. The process was very exhausting for her.

But she had a miscarriage about six weeks ago.

YN had to promise herself not to get attached to the clump of cells growing inside her, but who can control their feelings? It hit her more than just being in physical agony.

There were chances where it would have happened but she wasn't clearly prepared for it. Whereas Harry was.

He seemed so nutral to her when she had seen him at the ER where he'd rushed her to. Or maybe it was the medications she was on which were making her feel drowsy that she couldn't read his face.

You see, Harry is like a closed book kinda man to her.

He doesn't like answering to her questions. All her answers were in the contract he made her sign he said. She wasn't to ask him any personal questions. He knew everything about her, whilst she didn't know shit.

"I didn't mean to loose the baby." She tried not to cry in front of him. "I really didn't."

"I know you didn't, YN." Harry was undoing her shoe laces as he slipped off her foot.

"I shouldn't have gotten attached to it like it was furst decided. I was hoping it would, it would..." She sighed, "you know... I should've kept my old job and stayed the fuck back home. I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry."

"Hey, look at me?" He looked up at her from where he was crouched in front of her, "I know, everything that happened wasn't on purpose, okay? This has much higher risk of failing. There's nothing you and I or the doctors can do to prevent from happening a hundred percent."

"I'll return you your money, I promise. And I'll do it again in a heartbeat." She sniffled, "I'll pay you back. With interest, I, I-"

"I'm not asking for it back, YN." He interrupted her as she slipped off her other shoe off her foot, "I need you to lie down now, okay? Lemme get you some water."

As Harry walked out, he found her friends stood in the hallway glaring at him, yet they all seemed confused. With his head down he made a quick walk to kitchen to get YN a bottle was water.

"Here drink this," he kept the bottle of water on her side table, "you have an appointment tomorrow at two, better fix that hangover by them."

"Oi, hello!" She scoffed, "watch your tone, huh! I'll rip that stupid tongue of yours out with tweezers and chop them into pieces and feed them to the stray dogs!"

Okay, that made Harry laugh...

"Yeah?" He chuckled. "You don't stray dogs in your neighborhood, darling. Now change up and go to bed, I'll have Jeremy come pick you up tomorrow."

"You are so fucking mean bruh!" She rolled her eyes, "have you ever talked to me nicely since we met? And I am supposed hand you over my baby!"

"Good night, YN." His voice was monotonous.

She just glared at him. More like a puppy face as he left her room shutting the door behind him. And she was already hating the way alcohol was making her feel.

......................................................................

"Are you dying? Why was he talking about hospital appointment?" Was Julia's first questions as they say YN down for an interrogation the next morning.

"What?" Josh stopped the girl, "who was that guy YN?"

"Why was he being bossy around you?" Kayla asked.

"Is he in the mafia, did you take a loan from him?" Julia seemed more intrigued by being concerned.

"Why was saying you're not supposed to drink?" Josh was being the parent of the group he is.

"Did you accidentally marry him? Or is Julia is right? Did you take a loan from him?"

The questions were coming from left, right, front and back which infuriated YN.

"Stop it!" She snapped, "no, I did not marry him, and yes I kinda did take a loan from him. And no, unfortunately I am not dying Julia! If I were, you'd be the first one invited to my funeral for celebration!"

"You don't celebrate on..." Julia was interrupted by Josh.

"Then who the fuck is this Harry guy?" He asked.

"Apparently he owns the bar we were at." Kayla shared.

"What the fuck!" YN almost spat out her black coffee she was drinking to cure her headache there. She couldn't sleep whole night as she felt like puking every time she lied down. She doesn't want to die choking on her own puke for god's sake! And here she was hit by the thought Harry might be richer than she thinks. That's the forth bar she had heard he own, plus a huge ass fashion label.

"Yeah!" Kayla deadpanned, "now who is he? YN you're scaring us!"

"He's just..." YN sighed, "I am to be a surrogate to his child. He's paying me for it."

"Hold the fuck up!" Julia almost screamed, "you're having a baby?"

"Julia, that's all you gather from this?" Josh sighed in defeat, "YN we want you to explain what the fuck in happening. You know you can share it with us."

"Yeah, we're your family here, darling." Kayla cooed as he reached for YN's hand carefully, knowing her mum can be a bitch sometimes and ninety-nine per cent of the times she was behind YN taking so much stress.

That was the last straw for YN. And the dam to her tears broke as she spilt her sob story in front of her friends.

"...My mother knows about this, and she blamed it on me saying I couldn't keep a baby alive inside of me, I wouldn't be able to take care of my dad!" She started sobbing at the end.

"YN, you could have asked us." Kayla suggested, "I certainly wouldn't have mind helping you out love."

"I can't, you've been saving up for your new place and your wedding. I just can't." YN shook her head.

"Why didn't you tell me then?" Julia butted in.

"Jay, I can't ask for financial help from you guys. I don't want to ruin our friendship." YN explained.

"It won't." Julia deadpanned.

"I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't share your problems with us." Josh said, "please, let us know and we'll see if we can figure it out together."

"Yeah, that's what friends are for!" Kayla agreed, of course.

"You're going to pregnant during Convocation!" Julia reminded her.

"Yeah." Josh surprisingly agreed with her on this.

"Our finals are in two months, and I'm still not pregnant. And convocation is a month later. I'll be fine." YN explained. "But I'll be pregnant on your wedding day, Kayla, I'm sorry."

"Hey, no!" Kayla scolded her, "you don't have to apologise to be. You're still going to be my bridesmaid like I asked you to. I don't care even if you're eight months pregnant, okay?"

"Okay!" YN nodded.

......................................................................

Harry on the other hand was getting ready to call it a day at work.

His office was a mess. It reminded him of his dorm rooms. He can keep his house clean but not his office. Checking his phone for time he found he's got an hour left till he has to be at the hospital with YN.

He started gathering his files and documents layed around, separating everything into two piles, of job done and pending pile so he can later give those back to his secretary.

He found a grey knock off branded Adidas jerkin. He couldn't help but chuckle.

It was YN's. It was left in his car on accident when he'd dropped her off back home from the day she had to be rushed to the hospital. Even in pain she was worried about her jacket there.

It was a very chaotic day.

"YN, tell me where you coat is for god's sake!" Harry was subtly panicking watching her roll on her rug in pain. He had checked the coat closet but he didn't find anything there. Even her roommates were not home.

"I don't-" she stopped, "motherfucker!" She was hammering the floor with her fist as she was curled up in a ball. "I can't, I can't, I can't!"

"Hey, YN!" He crouched next to her to give her a quick pep talk but he saw a grey jerkin hung on the bag hanger in her room, he grabbed it and her as well. "I'm taking you to the hospital okay? It's okay. It's okay." The last it's okay was for himself.

"No, don't take that one!" She protested seeing him drape her jerkin on her shoulders.

"YN you need to go to hospital now, you can worry about that later." He shushed her down.

Harry had carefully helped her in his car as he asked his driver to rush to the nearest hospital. Whilst YN wasn't screaming on top of her lungs, she was doing a good job at keeping herself as calm as possible. She had shrugged off the jerkin draped on her shoulders as she was sweating crazy, even with the car AC on blast.

She was mumbling something to herself. Some self assuring words maybe?

But Harry was sure what was happening. Whilst it did broke his heart as they were just mere two weeks away from being able to get the first ultrasound, he wouldn't lie his hopes were not high. And as much as he think he doesn't care, he's still a human and he knows that she doesn't have her full heart into this. He doesn't want to make her feel pressured. Plus he expected thing to go smoothly.

As expected, YN was taken care of. Lost the baby obviously. She seemed devastated when he found her laying there, crying and staring at the ceiling. IV needle suck on her hand as a beeping machine was hooked her pointer finger. She was dressed in a hospital gown there.

She slipped whilst deep cleaning her bedroom causing her to crash into the side table, straight on her stomach and then straight on her butt. That's all YN could remember, she said before she passed out. Apparently she hit her head as well and woke up with shooting pain in her abdomen. It was already eating YN alive. Only if she could have been more careful!

"Jeremy went and got you food." He said keeping the bag of food on the little table.

Lie, it was him who went to get the food whilst he sent Jeremy to run some errands for him. He's got a heart afterall!

"I'm not hungry." Her voice sounded watery.

"You can eat whenever you wish." He shared, "feeling any better now?"

And there was a knock on the door, it was a nurse who'd came to check on her. He got to know he could take her home by midnight or in the morning if they wish to stay overnight. YN insisted on going back home as she couldn't stand the smell of the hospital cleaning solutions and shit.

She was almost half asleep, her head in his shoulder when Harry brought her back to her flat. She insisted that she could go in alone and take care of herself as one of her roommate was home. She had kept a condition in from of him, that her friends can't know about this. He respected that.

When he went back to work the next day, that was when Jeremy went upto him and handed in the jerkin he found in the car as it was off for cleaning and service. And the piece of clothing is lying in his office since then.

But he regrets not ever texting her let alone call her to check in. He felt terrible about it and his therapist had to hear it all that week. And he was stuck in the traffic so it took him entire thirty minutes to get to her place when she called him crying in agony.

She had shut him off since that day. Shouldn't bother him, but it does.

Her constant curiosity kept him entertained honestly. Especially her random texts at three in the morning asking about a random claus in their agreement.

Sighing, Harry grabbed his coat and YN's jerkin before he left his office. He took a cab to the hospital as he'd asked Jeremy to go pick up YN. She was already there and he was five minutes late.

"Is it our turn?" He asked as he rushed towards where Jeremy was keeping YN company as she clearly she looked hungover. She looked up at him surprised which confused him. "What?"

"Nothing." She shook her head, "we're two hours early."

"Oh." Was his reaction as took a seat next to YN. "Did you eat something?"

"I did." She nodded, "air. It was deliciously polluted today!"

"Hey!" He whined, "do you want to go grab something?"

"No." She looked down at her phone in her lap, her Instagram feed open. She put on one of her earphone and sat there scrolling through reels.

"Here, this was in my car the other day." He gave her back the jerkin. Which she took and put it on. He just sighed a slumped in his chair, watch her scroll through cat videos for about five minutes before his patience wore out. "Okay, come on we're going to eat. We'll be back before it's your turn."

"I am not hungry, Harry."

Harry just texted Jeremy to get some sandwiches, because honestly, he was hungry too. His chef is on a vacation and he can barely cook himself instant ramen noodles. He can't ask his housekeeper to help him out even though he's been offered help many times.

"I am really sorry about that night." He finally got her attention.

"Hmm?" She looked at him confusedly.

"That night after I dropped you off to your place." He reminded her, "I am so sorry I didn't even bother to check up on you. I feel very bad about that."

"It's okay." She shrugged, "I fell asleep as soon as I got home anyway. Would have slept through your call."

He just nodded and sat there in silence for a few more minutes. "You don't have to do this all over again if you don't want to, YN, we can just work it out. The agreement I mean."

"Ms. YN YLN?" One of the nurse announced. "You're next."

"Okay, thank you." YN nodded.

Maybe the person before her cancelled or couldn't make it. They still had an hour and half of wait but they got lucky. The appointment went smoothly. They could go through the process of planting another embryo. YN was doing very well physically, apart from her hang over. And they did went through with the process that day.

YN went in alone this time, where as Harry got to be there with her that time.

She was nervous, as expected. But she didn't wanted to ask him, reading by her obvious body language he asked if he could go in with her. To which she hesitantly agreed to.

"It's going to be alright." He assured her, "it hardly takes five minutes, if my research is accurate. You don't have to feel stressed."

"You're making me more stressed!" She whined. The doctor ran her through what was going to happen, step by step before starting everything was prepared for the procedure.

She looked more tense as the moment went by. Harry who was sat next to her on the little chair, slipped his palm onto her, lacing his fingers through hers. Her hand was a bit sweaty and very warm, and how he wished he heard doctor talk about what was happening. His mind went all fuzzy the moment she held his hand back tightly.

"Ready?" Doctor Wilson asked. Harry was back to earth there, he looked at the lady in the scrubs wearing a hair cap and surgical gloves.

"Yes." YN nodded. "Don't look!"

"I wasn't." He could help but chuckle, he turned his back to what was happening. He felt her squeeze onto his hand tighter, her eyes shuttered closed. "It's okay." He whispered to her, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles gently.

"All done!" Dr. Wilson announced. And YN let out the breathe she didn't know she was holding in.

That was that. Maybe she had no idea what would happen and this time around she does. He just feels shut down.

Well, when have he opened upto her? It was fair enough.

But when he saw her again, she was stressed out.

They had managed to make just six embryos, which meant only three tries. YN was feeling too guilty about loosing the baby (or babies). Harry was splurging so much money after this. IVF is very fucking expensive.

Yes, he might be a millionaire but YN still couldn't wrap her mind around how he was ready to spend so much for a baby. Babies are expensive as well. She had so many questions she couldn't ask him.

Why doesn't he want to wait till he's found a partner? Why doesn't he opt for adoption instead? Why does he want a baby when he's got such a busy schedule? How will he be able to give the child his time when he's so busy all the time?

Of course she would worry about a baby. Especially if it was hers too!

Jeremy was going to drop YN off to her place as she had a day off before driving Harry back to work. But he'd gotten her a sandwich which she was in desparate need of. The car ride for the first fifteen minutes was silent. Jeremy doing his job, whilst Harry had a face which screamed he wants to say something but he was holding back. And YN was eating her sandwich.

"Oh my god, Jeremy this sandwich is amazing!" She squealed in excitement, "I'll pay you back I promise when in back home, thank you so much!"

"Don't worry about it, Ms. YLN." The man giggled.

"YN?" Harry called for her.

"Hmm?" She looked at him. As if Jeremy knew, he pressed the button to pull up the privacy divider on which confused YN.

"You don't have to do it again if this time doesn't work as well." He said, "don't want it taking toll on your physical and mental health."

"But I'd feel too guilty, Harry. Thirty thousand pounds is not a small amount. Especially for me, and I honestly don't know if I would be able to pay you back that amount in this life time." YN shared.

It was set clear in her mind. She would somehow pay him back if it doesn't work out. That would mean her paying him back with an annual interest. And that was just the money he'd signed on the cheque which went to her not including the hospital bills minus the procedure fees. She owed him a big time monetarily.

It was either she give him a baby or his money back. She's very stubborn.

"You don't have to YN." He assured her, "consider it as me helping you. It's alright." That rubbed off wrong on her. Maybe he could have worded it another way.

"Helping me as my what?" She asked, pissed, "as my friend? As an acquaintance? Or as a person who's doing some charity work? This is exactly why I never wanted to talk to my friends about this!"

"YN, that's not what I-"

"Stop it Harry, I've been trying to be nothing but nice to you, okay? You're pissing me off now. I have no business in even interacting with you for this." Her eyes pooling up with tears behind her glasses. "How you're going to take care of this child when you're always busy is eating me alive. I don't even know why you want a baby so bad to put my mind at ease." She proceeded to knock on the privacy divider, "Jeremy? Please stop the car."

"I'm sorry, you don't to worry about that, YN. I promise." He rushed.

"Fine." She nodded in agreement, "please don't contact me until the next hospital appointment." She grabbed her bag and left his car. They were still five drive away from her place.

......................................................................

Harry did just that.

The next appointment was in a six weeks. Every weekend, his therapist heard about it all, about how he feels so bad for everything, and how much of an asshole he is.

Well, he can at least try to be friends with her.

At first he thought she was in it for money because she denied him but went back to him. But if she was, she wouldn't go on and on about wanting to return every penny he's given her if this is not successful at all. And knowing her, he's sure her stubborn ass would do anything if she has enough time on her hand.

She made him change up two main claus in their contract. He wanted her to stay at his place, and not work in the last trimester. He'd do anything as long as he can make sure his future child was safe and sound. Especially since none of her friends would know about it. Her family is a different country. And he can't really controll what she does and doesn't want to do.

But lately he's feeling like he's buying a baby like it's some sort of toy. What can he do? He looked for adoption first, for whole two years but he was never in the top 10 preferences for them to even consider him as a good adoptive parent, even though he's got all the financial needs. He's got many god children, but he wants a little one to give all the love he's got in himself. At first he so wanted to adopt a child, but it wasn't in his luck.

YN was right, he's got minimal time out of work. He'd just bought a new bar as an investment. How was he going to take care of a child?

He sees her again today!

Hopefully everything will be alright. He hears some good news, or at least gets to rekindle with her and actually be friends.

She's very sweet.

Yeah, sarcasm is her second language (mainly when he's managed to piss her off or something) but oh boy is she so fucking sweet and adorable!

He saw her stood there by the entrance of his office building with Jeremy and the security guard. She was all chirpy and chatty today, holding onto a Tupperware container.

"Mr. Styles, how you doing today?" Jeremy spoke, exaggerating, he's seen Harry today already.

"I'm good Jeremy, thank you, and what about you?" Harry player along, watching YN's smile drop. "What's that?" He asked pointing at the Tupperware in YN's hands.

"Oh it's -"

Jeremy was interrupted by YN, "its is nothing. Jer, let's go now shall we?"

"Jer? That's new." Harry chuckled.

"Oh I'm afraid sir, you won't get it, it's a best friend thing." Jeremy said, opening the back door for him.

Harry usually slides in first so he did. He expected YN to get in as well but she hopped in the front seat. The entire drive to the hospital, Harry watched Jeremy andy YN talk and laugh, they had plans of catching up over some dinner tonight. Feeling left out and a ting of anger he slumped in his seat and pretended to scroll through his phone. Once at the hospital, YN walked in first.

"Jeremy do I have to remind you are married?" He whispered to his driver/ bodyguard.

"You don't have to sir." Jeremy smiled, "but I know she's old enough to be my daughter."

Harry coughed feeling embarrassed as he sped walked inside, following after YN.

Harry you snooze you loose, he taunted himself. She's already got another best friend!

"Hey," he said quietly as he approached YN sat on one of the benches in the waiting room.

"Thirty minutes of wait." She said.

"I, I know." He stuttered, "I, I wanted to ask, ummm... ask how are you?" And she just shrugged.

"My dad's fine." She shared, "almost fine I should say. His surgery was successful, he's back home and recovering."

"That's great news!" He exclaimed, slowly though, they're at a hospital.

"Mhmm." She nodded, "thanks to you. He, uhhh... he really needed it to make it. And..." He grabbed her bag from the chair next to hers and shuffled through her stuff, "sorry I had to shove my stuff back is after my class. Where is it?" Harry watched her struggle to find what he didn't know. Finally, she pulled out a notebook which had a paper in it handing over to him.

"What's this?" He flipped the paper around. It was a Cheque of Fifteen thousand pounds in his name. "What's this for?"

"Saved up!" She smirked proudly, "my friend's brother works at the hospital my dad was admitted in, he handled the insurance stuff so we only had to pay half of everything. I don't need this so I'm returning it, I need time to return the other half though."

"YN, I told you, you don't have to." He tried place the cheque back in her book.

"Keep it!" She warned him, packed up her stuff quickly. "I'll still help you Harry, and I'm going to trust that you're going to take very good care of this baby."

"You can trust me." He still assured her. His eyes brim up with tears so let his head down so she doesn't see him crying.

"Harry?" He felt her hand on his bicep which made him hitch, "you alright?" Warmth of her hand was gone within a second.

"Mhmm." He nodded, still sniffling on his tears. "I am, I am fine."

"Hey, it's gonna be okay!" She cooed, still sitting at a distance from him.

......................................................................

Harry was a second close to peeing his pants as he sat there patiently whilst the nurse was getting the blood work done, YN was sent to take generic pregnancy test.

"Wha— what happened?" He rushed as he saw YN walk back into the room they were asked to wait in.

"I don't know." She shrugged and watched him slump back into ghe chair. "I think it is going to come out positive." She took a seat on check up bed, next to the ultrasound equipment.

"How do you know?" He asked and she just shrugged again.

Okay, she isn't going to sit there and tell him she's missed her period which is a good thing. He can put two and two together himself when the results are handed over, just hope he was good at Maths in school.

It was few minutes later when doctor arrived with the blood work reports and the best news. It was a different doctor and not Doctor Wilson. And the nurse named Willow, who was in-charge of the blood work.

The new doctor was a handsome fella. Tall, blue eyes, beefy biceps and all that. Everything to make HARRY insecure. Why insecure? He didn't know. But oh boy was Harry feeling this weird (and negative) feeling in the pit of his stomach as YN interacted with him.

"Congratulations, the tests are positive!" Doctor announced as he took a seat on the chair next to the check up bed. "I apologise for not introducing myself, I am Doctor Mike Jones, Dr. Wilson is on a vacation so by the time she returns I'll be helping her patients. Please don't hesitate to ask any questions you have." YN nodded at him with a smile. He proceeded to go into details about the blood work and what was good and what could potentially be risks.

"By the reports we can tell you're about eight weeks in, that means we can get the ultrasound done." Dr. Jones shared as he stood back up, "I'll leave for a moment whilst nurse Willow runs you down with the procedure."

"Yeah, thank you doc." YN nodded.

Least to say, Harry was happy seeing the little grainy pulse on the screen. He was excited to go tell his mum and sister about it all. He was excited to finally start preparing for the baby to come.

Last time, he couldn't celebrate. Though he doubts he could right now. He should wait a little bit longer now. Maybe next eight weeks or so...

He can at least share it with his mum, right!

"Oh my god!" He gasped softly seeing the little heart beat on the screen. His sight blurring up with tears, "they're so tiny!" He looked at YN in excitement grabbing onto her hand.

"Let's listen to the heart beat now." Dr. Jones said.

The little rapid beats of distorted heart beats almost took Harry's breath away. He wanted to scream and sob in excitement. The rest of it was boring yet important stuff. Measuring of the fetus, looking for any potential complications which there seemed none in that moment.

Oh and there was just one baby.

On the way back to YN, the car ride was silent. She was sat in the back seat next to him this time. He noticed her take out the Tupperware container from her bag.

"Congratulations!" She smiled and offered him the sweets.

"Oh, he's lactose intolerant!" Jeremy joked which YN was unaware of that.

"What?" She looked at him, "I'm sorry you can't have this."

"Come on, Jeremy!" Harry groaned, "I am not lactose intolerant YN he just likes to joke around."

"You still want these then?" She suggested.

"I'm good, thank you." He politely declined, "and thank you... for helping me."

"Nuh-uh! You know we celebrate with sweets in India. I got these for Jeremy 'cause I got to know my dad is out of hospital now, healthy and fine. We heard another good news here." She shared, "this is just a little celebration, about everything slowly getting back together."

"Yup!" Jeremy sounded from the driver's seat.

"You knew about this?" Harry was surprised.

"Of course I know sir, my wife is Indian."

"Okay..." He sounded stretching the word, he took one piece of whatever sweets it was and ate it, "what is that?"

"It's made of cottage cheese and flour, it's called Gulab jamun." She explained. "It's my favourite. I made it last night as I craving it, it's pain in ass to make but oh my god it's so good! Right, Jeremy?"

"My wife says the same thing, YN." Jeremy chuckled, "everytime she tries to make it, it turns out awful. According to her, not me."

And these started talking again making Harry left out again, but he zoned out. Harry has never been so confused about his feelings thus far. He's been trying very hard to stay away from her emotionally, but she makes it hard not to when she's telling him exactly what she's feeling. It's annoyingly good.

"I'll take the train Jeremy, don't worry about it." YN caught Harry's attention, they had reached her place.

"Wait, train to where?" He asked.

"To Jeremy's..." YN answered confusedly, "he's invited me for dinner at his."

"Why, why are you taking the train?" He rushed panicking, "I, I mean he can pick you up right? Right, Jeremy?"

"I can perfectly manage to go on my own, Harry." She shrugged, "and he's your employee not mine, it's just rude to ask him to pick me up."

"But, he's been taking you to the hospital whenever I ask him too."

"Yeah, because it's your work he's doing. I am not going to ask him to do anything for me." She shrugged.

"Okay, can you kids not argue about this?" Jeremy spoke up, "I'll pick you up YN no worries."

"No, you don't have to Jeremy," YN was glaring at Harry sat next to her, "I know exactly why he's saying this. I don't know why you still went for me if you don't trust me anymore. Could have started over for all you care. I quit trying to be friends with you, for good now." With that he's had YN barging out of his car again. "You need therapy. You need help!" With that she slammed the car door shut.

"You should go talk to her." Jeremy suggested, "you know she's one of the nicest person I've come across so I have to put in good word for her. I know it's hard for you to trust anyone, but you can trust her. She's a good friend."

Harry nodded and got out of the car, "I'll go talk to her."

"I'm going to take a cab home, you can bring her over for dinner." Jeremy handed him the car keys.

"Okay, thank you." He gave Jeremy a quick hug before he was running into the building.

......................................................................

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bro-atz · 1 year

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Hey. Is it possible for you to write a stepfather!Yunho fic where he can't take it anymore and pounces on you one time? Seems like non con, but it's just because she's also been wanting him but is in denial? With a bit of plot?

in denial

in which: yunho is the stepfather you never wanted.

pair: stepfather!yunho/afab!reader

word count: 6k

content: raw sex??? (remember to wrap up irl pls), "forbidden" sex, "taboo sex"?, a lot of denial, secret sex, hate that turns into lust, consensual!

author’s note: i seriously had to rack my brain for this one bc omg anon what a complex request that also gives me a lot of creative freedom??? so much freedom that this is a p long piece HAHA i wish i could say more of it is reader x yunho doing the winkwonk but it’s so plot heavy 😔 nevertheless i hope this fulfilled your desires ❤️

tag list: @k-hotchoisan apply for the permanent taglist here! part one | part two

It’s not that you hated your mother, you just preferred your father over her. Your mother was pretty young when she had you (teen pregnancy, she was 16), so she was pretty immature as you got older. Your father was only two years older than your mother, but he was so much more mature than your mother, hence why you preferred him.

So, when your father ran away from home when you were 15, you were stuck with your pretty immature mother. You had no idea where your biological father went, so it’s not like you could have gone and stayed with him. No matter— you just had to deal with your mother for another three years, and then you would be able to get out of her house and never have to live with her after. Again, it’s not that you hated her, but you seriously couldn’t deal with her bullshit on a daily basis.

When you turned 16, though, your mother got remarried. So, at the age of 32, your mother married a different man, Yunho. But this man was barely a man. He was 10 years younger than your mother, which weirded you out a lot because you were closer to his age than he was to your mother’s age. So fucking weird. You hated it. Your mother knew him for a year before she locked him down, which meant he was just 21 when she first met him. You lost a lot of respect for your mother the day she married him.

Yunho, your stepfather, moved into your house. If only you were 18, then you wouldn’t have to live with the weird dynamic of your family, but you had two years until then.

When your mother went for work, you would be alone with your stepfather. Your mother had to go into the office, but your stepfather worked remotely, so he was always home. You hated being alone with the guy, so you would just camp out in your room until your mother got home. You grounded your own self whenever you got back from school. It sucked.

One day, when you got back from school, Yunho was in the living room. Usually, he was in his office, but that day, he was in the living room.

“Hey, Y/N. How was school?”

“Fine.”

You immediately started to walk towards your room, only for Yunho’s voice to stop you.

“We haven’t talked in a while! Come, sit here. Let’s talk.”

With a groan, you turned around and trudged over to the living room. You sat on the sofa furthest away from where that man was. “What did you want to talk about?” you asked rather coldly.

“I feel like we should get to know each other. We are family now, after all.”

“Okay, let’s get something straight,” you sat forward and stared him down. “I only have to be in this stupid house for another two years, and once I’m in college, I’m gone, so don’t even think about trying to be a proper “stepfather” and don’t expect me to call you that either. Legally, we may be a family, but that’s only on paper. Okay?”

Yunho pressed his lips together. He looked slightly disappointed, but he also looked as if he was anticipating this reaction from you. “I’d rather you didn’t call me stepfather, so that’s fine…”

“Also, why did you marry my mom in the first place?” you asked him point blank; since you were actually talking to him properly since the first time you met him, you thought you might as well ask him. “You’re so young. Fuck, you’re closer to my age than hers! What the fuck are you doing? Did you marry my mom for her money?”

“No! I really do like your mom! We had a genuine connection and…” Yunho trailed off.

“And what?”

“…Nothing. Nothing you would want to know.”

You took a moment to process what he told you, only to be immediately disgusted. You stood up and marched out of the living room, thankful that Yunho stopped before divulging his sex life with your mother.

Two more years with that man, and then you were done. You couldn’t wait.

In those two years, many things happened. You mother got pregnant (much to your dismay) and gave birth to a girl, your half-sister. You were very unhappy with the development of your mother’s relationship with your freakishly young stepfather when your half-sister was born, but you couldn’t help but have a soft spot for her— she always loved you and being in your arms. You were the only one who could get her to stop crying and go to sleep.

Then, you got accepted into your dream school hundreds of miles away from your hometown. You were so excited to go, and the final year of high school passed quickly.

During this time, you had very minimal interactions with Yunho. You only really talked to him when you had to, but that was maybe once every week. Then, when you went to college, you didn’t interact with him at all— or at least you thought you wouldn’t have to.

“But mom, I don’t want to—”

“I don’t give a shit! You are coming home for Thanksgiving, otherwise you can find a way to put yourself through school!”

You couldn’t believe that your education was being held against you to go home, and to be very honest, you would rather suck it up and just go home than work several jobs to pay for your tuition and dorm.

So, every Thanksgiving, every winter break, every spring break, and every other miscellaneous holiday that happened throughout the year, you were at home ignoring the hell out of Yunho and just focusing all of your energy on your younger sister who got bigger every single time you saw her. Your friends would always wish you luck when you had to prepare to head home for the holidays, and you would always be jealous and salty that your friend group went on vacations together during these breaks and would post the pictures online and on social media fully knowing that you were stuck at home with your mother, her husband, and your sister, who was the only person worth going back home for.

One year, however, you had enough. It was your final year of school, and you desperately wanted to go on a trip for spring break with your friend group. Your mother was hellbent on getting you home for that time, so the two of you spent a lot of winter break arguing about it.

“When I say I want you to come home, I mean it! There is no way you’re going on that trip because I am not paying for it!”

“Mom! I listened to you every single holiday for the past three years, and this is my last chance to go on a college trip with my college friends! Please!”

“I’m not saying you can’t go— go if you want! I’m not paying for it, so I know you won’t be able to afford it, so dream on because you are not going to go.”

Frustrated, you let out a huff and stormed upstairs to your room, slamming the door behind you. You sat on your bed and angrily beat up a pillow, trying to get out all of your anger so that you wouldn’t physically take it out on your mother. Someone knocked on your bedroom door lightly as you beat the shit out of the pillow.

“Sis, I’m not in the mood right now,” you said with a sigh, assuming that the person on the other side of the door was your younger sister.

The door opened— you forgot to lock it— and in walked Yunho. He would’ve been the last person you wanted to see had you not gotten into that argument with your mother. He closed the door behind him.

“Oh. What do you want?” you asked him flatly.

“May I?” Yunho pointed to your bed, asking if he could sit without explicitly stating it.

You didn’t want him to, but at that point you were exhausted. You nodded, allowing the man to sit.

“You want to go on that trip with your friends, right?”

“Did you not get that from the argument just now?”

“I did, but I just… I talked to your mom.”

“Okay, and?”

“I told her to let you go on the trip. I’ll give you the money that you need if she doesn’t.”

You stared at the man in complete confusion. Why was he doing you a favor when you made it very clear to him that you couldn’t stand his guts? Narrowing your eyes, you asked, “Are you serious?”

“Yes. You’re right— you never got to go on any trips with your friends, and I want you to be able to go before you graduate. College trips are always fun.”

“Well, you should definitely know since you literally just graduated,” you said, pointing out how freakishly young he is.

Yunho let out a light laugh. He nodded and continued, “Just let me know the expenses when they come, okay?”

You nodded. Yunho stood up to leave. Just as his hand was on the doorknob, you said, “Hey. Thanks.”

He turned and smiled at you, your heart suddenly fluttering. He had such a beautiful smile. Without a word, he left.

Thanks to Yunho, you were able to enjoy the rest of your college experience to the fullest. Whenever your mother refused to let you have a good time, you would tell Yunho, and he would help you out. It made you wonder why you couldn’t have given him a chance earlier.

Graduation rolled around, and you forgot that with graduation came your family to watch you graduate.

Your friends knew that you didn’t like your stepfather, but they didn’t know why. Then, when they finally met him, they were shocked.

“Dude, your stepdad is so fucking hot,” one of your friends said.

“Why the fuck did you not want to go home for the past four years when that’s the view?!” another friend asked.

“Also how have you not pounced on him yet?” asked one other friend.

“First of all, shut up,” you slapped each one of your friends on the cheek lightly. “That’s gross. Second of all, he’s my stepfather, and that’s all he will ever be to me.”

“Say whatever you want, but the man is hot.”

“And he looks so young!”

“I mean… He is ten years younger than my mom, and he’s six years older than me,” you explained.

“What?!”

“Girl, he’s closer to your age than hers!”

“I know that…”

“You can totally hook up with him!”

“Stop,” you held your hand out and shook your head. “He’s married to my mom, guys, and that’s so weird for me to think about. Can we just not talk about it anymore?”

Your friends nodded, only for one friend to say under their breath, “But he’s still fine as fuck…”

“Shut the fuck up!”

Your mind was racing the rest of your graduation. What your friends said about your stepfather really stuck in your head— it was those kinds of thoughts that made you avoid Yunho like the plague in the first place. You didn’t want to think that way about the guy that your mother fell in love with. You were so in your own head that you didn’t realize your graduation was official until one of your friends’ hat hit you on the head on the way down.

After leaving the venue, you stood outside the doors and waited for your family. Your mother wanted to take pictures of you with your cap and gown in front of the stadium. Your friends waited nearby— they wanted to get a look of your stepfather again. You tried to shoo them away, but they refused to move.

“Y/N! My baby!” your mother cheered as she saw you. “You’re officially a college graduate! I’m so proud of you!”

Your mother hugged you, and you could only weakly smile. She kissed your cheek before immediately turning to your friends and asking, “Can one of you please take a picture of me and my daughter?”

One of your friends stepped up and took your mother’s phone to take pictures. At first, it was just you and your mother, then it was the entire family. You stood in between Yunho and your mother, your little sister standing right in front of you. You felt your heart start to race the closer Yunho stood to you, which freaked you out because you wouldn’t have been feeling this way had your friends not said anything about his looks.

“Okay, now just you and Yunho,” your mother told you.

“Wait, I—”

“Yes! Stand over there, Y/N!” your friend with the camera said as they pointed to an area slightly further away from them.

You shot your friend a glare before going to where they asked you to go. You seriously did not want to take this picture, but you didn’t want to make a scene in public. Yunho stood next to you as you positioned yourself. There was a slight gap between the two of you, prompting your friend to say, “Scoot closer together! You both look so awkward!”

You were so ready to kill your friend. Reluctantly, you took a step towards Yunho. He also took a step towards you at the same time, causing you to bump into him. Before you could stumble anywhere, his hand went around your waist. Butterflies erupted in your stomach when he hugged you lightly. His touch was so… Pleasant. You hated that you liked his touch, and you hated it even more when you wanted him to touch you more. He wasn’t getting touchy-feely at all, but that didn’t stop your libido from wanting more. You couldn’t help but think that it would be so nice if he could be more intimate, only for you to immediately reject the idea. You seriously needed your brain to shut up. Thinking about your stepfather in that sense was so weird, and you needed it to stop.

The second your friend took the picture, Yunho released you, and you could breathe once more. You didn’t even realize that you held your breath while he was holding you. After you took a couple pictures with your little sister, you immediately turned to your friends and slapped the backs of their heads. If it weren’t for them, you would not have thought about Yunho, your goddamn stepfather, in that way.

Luckily for you, you found a job right after graduating from college. It was in the big metropolitan city near your hometown, and while you could have made the commute daily, you decided to live in the city for a multitude of reasons, a huge one being the fact that you just didn’t want to live with your mother and her new family. It wasn’t that you hated them, but you wanted to be an adult, and living at home would not allow you to do that. Also, Yunho. You wanted to continue to avoid that man as long as you possibly could.

That being said, you did go home pretty frequently to eat your mother’s cooking (for free, and free food is always great), and you went to visit your half-sister because you liked being there for her. You babysitting her also allowed your mother and her husband to go out on dates, which meant it was mainly just you and your little sister at home. Not bad at all.

One day, you went home to run some errands. Your friends in your hometown wanted to meet up, you had to visit some of your old favorite stores, and you wanted to grab some food from your mother to bring back to your apartment in the city because the next week was going to be incredibly busy for you at work, and there was no chance you would be able to make yourself meals.

It was silent when you got home. You looked around to see if anyone was home, and you found someone, but it wasn’t who you wanted to see.

“Oh, Y/N, what brings you here?” Yunho greeted you from the living room.

He was sitting on the couch and just started playing a movie, which he paused as soon as you walked into the house.

“I’m just here to grab food because I have a busy week next week. Where’s mom and sis?”

“Your mom took her to the eye doctor to get her eyes checked because she’s been sitting too close to the TV lately.”

“Oh…”

You stood awkwardly in the kitchen, unsure of what to do with yourself. You had to wait for your mother to come home to make food, and you felt awkward just leaving the area and going to your room. You and Yunho had never been alone together, so ignoring him felt wrong.

“What’re you watching?” you asked Yunho after a long moment of silence.

“Orlando. Have you seen it?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Come watch with me, then. The movie barely started.”

You hesitantly made your way to the living room. You were going to sit in one of the arm chairs, but Yunho patted the space on the couch next to him. You joined him on the couch, enough empty space for God between the two of you.

As the movie played, you tried your best to watch the movie, but you couldn’t help but steal glances at Yunho’s side profile— he was heavily invested in the movie. You kept thinking about what your college friends said about him, and you finally admitted to yourself that, yes, Yunho, your stepfather, was indeed very attractive. You had to keep reminding yourself that he was your stepfather, and that the thoughts in your head were just wrong.

Then, the craziest thing happened. Yunho put his hand on your thigh. You immediately reclaimed your thigh and scooted away from him.

“What is— Why— When— What do you think you’re doing?!” you stuttered.

Yunho looked you dead in the eye, his serious face making your insides swell with heat. “Cut the crap, Y/N. You want me, don’t you?” he said with a low voice.

“Are you insane?!”

You continued to scoot backwards and lean away as Yunho approached you. Your head hit the pillow as Yunho pinned you down, his hands pressed on the couch on either side of you.

“You think I didn’t see you sneaking looks at me? Why do you keep looking at me instead of the movie, Y/N?”

“I mean— I don’t— How— Uh—”

“See, you can’t even answer me properly. You want me.”

Yunho ran his hand up your thigh, which you immediately slapped away while saying, “No, I don’t!

“Really?”

You tried to roll off the couch and away from Yunho, but his arm blocked your path. His hand firmly held onto your waist as you tried to wriggle out of his grasp.

“S-stop it…”

“Face it, Y/N. You want me just as much as I want you.”

Your eyes went wide. You had no idea what the man meant by that when he said it, and it freaked you out completely. Slightly panicking, you tried to push him away, but the second your hands touched his chest, he grabbed your wrists and pinned them above your head. You squirmed and tried desperately to get out of his grasp, but then he kissed you.

Yunho kissing you melted your brain. He was an amazing kisser. He kissed you intensely, his soft lips sucking sweetly on yours. You pushed yourself further into his kiss, your lips desperate for his. You had never kissed anyone so intensely in your entire life until that moment, and you only realized that fact after he finally broke away from you as you were completely out of breath the second he moved away. Your face was hot, and your eyes were bleary as every atom of your body yearned for him.

“See, I told you.”

“Fuck…”

Wordlessly, Yunho turned off the TV before turning back to you, his arms wrapping tightly around you. He lifted you off the couch, and you immediately wrapped your legs around his waist. You held onto his face and kissed him over and over and over again because you seriously could not get enough of him. When his hands supported your thighs instead of your torso, his grip on you got stronger, turning you on even more. The two were you were breathless as he carried you to his room and laid you down on the bed gently.

His lips were still connected with yours as he began to caress your body. He rolled the tips of his fingers over your clothed crotch, causing you to moan into his mouth.

“Fuck, that was so hot,” Yunho pulled away to comment. “You’re so fucking hot, Y/N.”

You had never heard the man utter a single profanity in the time you knew him, so him swearing was so unbelievably sexy to you to the point where your body trembled with excitement. You desperately needed him to do something about your throbbing pussy, but Yunho wanted to take things slow. He dragged his tongue along your neck before kissing your neck sloppily. While you didn’t think it was smart of him to leave a mark on your neck, you couldn’t help but want him to. Then again, it was fine if he left hickeys on you, but you definitely could not leave hickeys on him.

“God, I could just fuck you up,” Yunho whispered half to himself.

“Do it.”

“What?”

“Do it. Fuck me up, Yunho.”

Yunho stared at you, his eyes getting darker. He brought his face near yours and said with an incredibly sexy, low voice, “That’s the first time you’ve ever said my name, Y/N.”

He kissed you hungrily, making you hold onto his shoulders for dear life.

“I want you to say my name. I want you to scream and cry my name,” he uttered as he wrapped light fingers around your neck. “I want you to beg me to fuck you senseless. Will you do that for me?”

You responded with a light nod. Yunho kissed you harshly, his fingers pressing into your neck. You didn’t realize how much you would enjoy someone choking you while making out with you until then. Yunho was experienced, and he was using that experience to turn your brain into mush. You wanted him bad. Your hips moved restlessly as you felt the tension build between your legs, and you desperately needed a release. Your hand move down to rub yourself, but Yunho grabbed your hand before it could go there and held it above your head while he stopped kissing you. There was a slight smirk on his face as he noticed your restlessness.

“Yunho,” you said, your voice wavering.

“Yes, Y/N?”

“I— My pussy… Do something,” you nearly cried.

With a knowing smile, Yunho nodded and sat up. He pulled off his shirt— he grabbed the back of his collar to take it off, which you found to be incredibly hot— before helping you strip down. Your clothes were in a pile on the ground, leaving you laying on the bed completely naked. Your pussy was soaking wet by that time. Yunho gazed at your pussy, your throbbing, pink, fresh pussy, with sparkling eyes. He grazed his nails along your folds, your thighs trembling at his touch. But, he was taking his sweet time with you, and it was driving you crazy. You clutched the pillow under your head and groaned in frustration.

“Yunho, just fuck me please! I can’t take it anymore!”

“Mmm, for someone who’s been avoiding me, you sure do want me bad right now,” Yunho chuckled.

You were going to respond, but when you felt his fingers shove into, you let out a loud gasp and moan. You flung your head back into the pillow and let out cry after cry. You had to bite your lower lip and muffled your noises when Yunho started massaging your breast and sucking intensely on your nipple.

“F-fuck, I’m cumming,” you choked out as you felt your orgasm nearing.

“Yes, come for me, Y/N,” Yunho moved up to whisper in your ear, his fingers not letting up.

That was all you needed to hit euphoria. Your nails nearly tore through the pillowcase as your pussy convulsed. Your moan echoed in the room, and your eyes rolled to the back of your head. Sweet, sweet relief.

“Shit,” Yunho hissed as he removed his fingers. “You’re so incredibly sexy… I can’t hold back any longer.”

You were completely out of breath as the high of your orgasm slowly disappeared. Your eyes were bleary as you opened them to see Yunho’s faint shape get off the bed to remove his pants. Within seconds, Yunho was back on the bed, and he moved your legs, your knees in the air as your feet pressed into the mattress. He positioned himself and leaned his upper body down to dominate your lips. The second his lips locked with yours, he thrusted into you powerfully. You moaned into his mouth when his waist slammed against yours and when his tongue shoved its way into your mouth.

Yunho let out grunts of pleasure as he waist met yours repeatedly at a slow and steady pace. But, when you let go of the pillow to hold onto his shoulders, and when your nails dug into his skin, he inhaled sharply through his teeth and fucked you harder and faster. The entire bed squeaked and moved as his tempo increased, and you felt your brain and body melt with pleasure.

“Yunho! More!” you ended the kiss to whine.

And he delivered. He moved up, held your waist with a strong grip, and pulled you closer towards him as he lifted your waist. Him pounding the shit out of you felt so good that you couldn’t control yourself anymore. Tears filled your eyes as more moans and groans and cries spilled out of your mouth. His cock felt amazing inside you, and even though he was pile driving you into oblivion, you somehow still wanted more of him.

“I’m close,” Yunho bit out. “I’m going to cum inside, okay?”

That was probably the more you wanted. You nodded and pulled him down towards you once more, your mouth begging for his tongue. He groaned into your mouth as you felt his dick shudder and spurt within you, his cum filling and warming you up. When he pulled out, his cum leaked out of you, and you watched him stare at your pussy in delight.

You laid on the bed until your heart rate calmed down before pushing yourself up and saying, “I’m going to go clean myself up…”

You didn’t even wait for a reaction from Yunho. You scurried to the bathroom (trying desperately not to leak out on your way), and sat on the toilet to quickly clean yourself up. Shortly thereafter, you stood in front of the mirror and washed your hands. You looked at your reflection to see small, dark hickeys scattered across your chest. As you inspected the bruises on your skin, Yunho walked up behind you. He arms snaked around you and massaged your breasts as he pressed his dick against you.

“Yunho, what are you doing?” you asked carefully.

“I’m not done with you just yet,” Yunho said softly as he bit your earlobe.

“Uh, no. We’re done.”

You turned around and tried to push past him, but that didn’t work the first time, so how was it going to work again. Placing hands on the sink countertop on either side of you, Yunho trapped you. He leaned in towards you, and you leaned backwards to the best of your ability. You were so sure he was going to kiss you, but when his face stopped a mere couple of centimeters before yours, you stared at him in surprise.

“What, do you want me to stop now?” he asked you teasingly.

You felt his hard cock press against your stomach, and feeling how hard he was, not to mention seeing the amount of lust in his eyes, turned you on entirely. You swallowed hard and begrudgingly shook your head. You needed him again.

“That’s what I thought. Turn around. Bend over.”

With his hands guiding you, you did as he said. Your breasts pressed against the cool countertop, making you shiver. You didn’t have the time to be cold, though, because Yunho swiftly slid his dick into you, your entire body lurching forward.

“Oh, fuck!” you screamed as you felt Yunho’s pelvis slam against your buttocks quickly. “Y-yunho!”

“You like that, huh?” Yunho said with a grunt.

You moaned loudly in response. The two of you were breathing heavily, and the mirrors in the bathroom were starting to fog up. Suddenly, Yunho pulled out, making you cum almost instantly. Your legs trembled as you came, and they nearly gave out. However, before you could collapse to the ground, Yunho turned you around and sat you down on the countertop. He shoved his dick deep inside you, but he didn’t move quite yet.

“What is it?” you whispered as he looked you up and down.

“You’re stunning… So sexy,” Yunho answered as he brought his nose to brush against your jawline. “I could seriously just stare at you all day long.”

He peppered kisses along your jaw and neck, his hands running up and down your waist sensually. You wrapped your arms over his shoulders and held onto the back of his neck as he left more hickeys on your chest. When his hands went around you and hugged you towards him, you couldn’t help but press your fingers into his skin, making the man tremble.

Without a second to lose, Yunho lifted you up and fucked you by using his arms to raise and lower you onto his dick. You held onto him tightly, the fear of falling and feeling of his dick going deeper inside you exciting you. He pressed his lips against yours again, your tongue dancing with his briefly until he brought you down harshly on his penis.

“You’re hitting so deep, Yunho!”

“It’s because you’re taking me so well, Y/N. Your pussy was made for me.”

Your heart skipped a beat. Yunho saying something like that to you was unnatural, but it made you feel so good, so sexy.

Yunho carried you out of the bathroom. He pulled out, set you down so that you were standing, and stroked his dick several times. He pinned you up against the wall and brought your thigh up, your leg wrapping around him. His cock entered you again, and he resumed thrusting fast and hard.

Then, you both heard the front door open. Yunho covered your mouth— he did not intend to stop fucking you. You did you best to hold back your moans, but you were worried about the sound of his hips slapping against yours.

You heard footsteps head towards the door of the bedroom. Tears filled your eyes and started rolling down your cheeks as the fear of getting caught tensed your body entirely. You heard the doorknob jiggle as your mom tried to open the door, but the door did not open. Yunho had locked the door ages ago. So, she knocked on the door.

“Honey?”

“Yes, darling?” Yunho responded, his voice low, sensual, and almost a little groggy.

“What’s going on? Why is the bedroom door locked?”

“I’m taking a nap.”

“Oh… Okay. Have a good nap, then.” You heard your mom walk away from the door, only for her to quickly walk back. “I saw Y/N’s car outside. Is she here?”

“No, she stepped out. She said she would wait until you got back since she only really came to pick up food.”

Yunho’s hips hit yours even harder, the sound scaring you, but the force pleasuring you.

“Shoot, I have to go grocery shopping!” Come, sweetie,” your mom said to your sister— her household nickname was sweetie— and continued, “Let’s go grab some snacks for you and your sister!”

The second you heard the front door close and lock, Yunho removed his hand. You hiccuped and cried softly. Meanwhile, Yunho was still fucking you.

“That was so scary,” you cried. “Why didn’t you stop?!”

“You look way too fucking good right now. I can’t stop.”

Yunho thrusted so hard into you that your back hit the wall slightly, making you yelp. You continued to yelp as he fucked you without remorse.

“Fuck, Y/N. I’m so close.”

You sniffled and nodded, tears still blurring your vision. Yunho kissed you again, but rather than him eating you alive, his kiss was sweet this time around. He held your face and kissed you softly. With one final thrust, his cock throbbed and trembled inside you, his stickiness filling you up once more. Your hold on him relaxed, but you continued kissing him, his posh lips making you forget about why you were so scared in the first place. You remained in that position against the wall for a good several minutes, not wanting to lose the feeling of his long dick shoved in your tight pussy so quickly. If anything, you wanted him to fuck you more.

Which he did. A couple more times, actually.

You got cleaned up and donned all of your clothes. Before you could leave the bedroom, Yunho grabbed you and hugged you. He buried his nose in your hair and sighed deeply.

“Yunho, I have a question,” you told him as you leaned away from him.

“What is it?”

“Earlier, when you said that I wanted you as much as you wanted me, what did you mean by that?”

“You’re a beautiful young woman, Y/N. It’s hard for someone to not be attracted to you. I’ve honestly been wanting this to happen since you graduated.”

The realization of your relationship with the man hit you. It was in the back of your head the entire time he was fucking your brains out, but you only really remembered the nature of the relationship then and there. You pushed him away; and this time, he allowed it.

“We shouldn’t have done this, Yunho.”

There was a certain look on Yunho’s face, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on what it was or what he was thinking. The two of you maintained eye contact, and despite the fact that you knew very well that there was nothing that could ever happen between you and the man in front of you, your libido still lusted for him.

“I know that, but,” Yunho took a step towards you and wrapped one arm around your waist. “I’m glad we did.”

And with that, he kissed you one more time— it was sweet, hot, but nonintrusive. His hand moved up from your waist to your neck, his fingers moving to your scalp and holding you closer to him. You nearly whimpered when the kiss ended.

“You can stay in denial all you want,” Yunho told you. “But just know that I’ll be here in case you ever want to cross the line again.”

#ateez #jeong yunho #yunho smut #yunho x reader #reader x yunho #ateez yunho #jeong yunho ateez #yunho ateez #jeong yunho smut #ateez jeong yunho #broatz #broatz request

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butch-reidentified · 2 months

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Yet another time someone has sent me a screenshot from this random woman spreading 100% baseless, very obviously made-up ('i wonder if") bs about me due to who knows what deep unfulfilled need of hers, though she's never had the spine to come for me directly in any capacity. I so do not understand why I'm coming up again now, given I've not been on tumblr much for months, but 🤷

I'm not going to tag her like I usually would bc I have less than zero desire to invite that toxicity into my life so directly atp (I've @ ed her in the past when she started doing this ages ago), but I am gonna say something ab both the accusations she makes/spreads and ab the behavior itself.

She's been spreading unhinged rumors about me being into men for literal years, including accusing me of fucking my brother, and apparently doesn't find it at all fucked up to be harassing a lesbian trafficking survivor with literally COMPLETELY baseless accusations of sex with m*n (which I have never remotely desired and as I've literally made memes about, would sooner die) just bc I didn't think her treatment of macroclit was entirely fair, as the person who had actually known macroclit for years irl before even being on radblr. I don't necessarily think I would do/say all the exact same things now that I did at that time, for deeply personal reasons I don't owe anybody an explanation of, but that doesn't justify any of the toxicity on her part.

I don't think it's acceptable or even non-lesbophobic to act like lesbians need to be a complete monolith when it comes to their experiences with bi women and views. Nothing I ever said claimed lesbians can be into men or anything of the sort, nor supported polilez, and outside of shit like that, I don't think we need to all have the exact same takes on every single issue down to the smallest nuances.

I also don't think it's acceptable or feminist to completely invent and spread rumors about other women like some wannabe Regina George, as if women don't face enough of that stereotype already. Especially if these rumors undeniably play on themes of your target's trauma history. Especially when you yourself certainly know you're completely inventing said rumors, that they're purely weird parasocial (& blatantly dishonest) speculation.

yes, macroclit is my ex, and we were friends after dating but never "fwb." we did not "meet up and have 3sums," we met up and watched movies and went clubbing, and we have not even slept together since like a couple of years before she realized she was into guys. yes i had a "poly" experimental phase in/around my college years - and I'll admit I didn't formally & vocally end said phase until long after it had materially ended - but this was with exclusively other women, as should be fucking obvious, and frankly was mostly in name only; I just never had any meaningful urge to seek out more partners, and tbqh have never had a very high sex drive. I don't fuck anyone but my wife atp & very much don't want to (nor did I want to feel like I had to air my entire sexual history on tumblr to thousands of ppl).

idk what need is being fulfilled by doing shit like this, i rly cannot fathom it & have never in my life engaged in this behavior toward any other woman. in all honesty, I thought it was just a fully fictional misogynistic stereotype that women do this at all, bc I've never known anyone who does. I've seen rumors spread ofc but usually airing ppls real dirt or exaggerating it, not just lying outright. wild.

all that said, if you want to go toe to toe regarding actual irl feminist action, lmk. otherwise, fix your own shit and drop your obsession w imagining me liking d*ck, it's super creepy and weird.

#mine #personal #(cont.)#radblr lesbophobia #radblr misogyny

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celestie0 · 7 months

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Idk if this is weird to ask but can you tell more about your situationship?😭 I’m curious since it inspired the story idkkk

nooo not weird at all haha, i had plans to share more ab it once i was done w kickoff but i dont really mind sharing a bit now (will literally always take up any chance to talk ab it it’s an impulse i cannot resist)

basically i met this guy like halfway through my freshman year of college at a frat event, it was a bit different from kickoff dynamic in that we started hooking up pretty soon after that, just a casual thing, but then the pandemic hit and so he went back home to live w his grandpa/family in new york (i live in cali) once campus shut down and stuff. obviously we couldn’t hook up anymore LMFAO but we still talked a lot and i think it was during this time of just talking to one another that i really started to catch massive feelings for him :”)

i went through some bad anxiety during covid, struggling a lot w my career and if i still wanted to pursue the things i thought i wanted (i think a lot of college students went through this w the pandooski) but he would always be there for me and would stay on facetime calls w me if i was struggling to study, he’d cheer me up w pics of his tibetan dogs lol, just reallyyy sweet ugh when we were long distance i rly saw a side of him i didn’t before and i think that’s what made me fall for him

i confessed to him first, similar to reader in kickoff, n told him we could do long distance until he moved back here. but then he hit me with the “i’m sorry, i can’t date you, i’ve got commitment issues”. in his case, he had a long-term girlfriend in high school for four years who he also was dating into college (before he met me), but he found out she had been cheating on him for a long time w not just one but multiple of his friends 😭 so..he said he has really bad trust issues, and that he really wanted to try to date me, but he just felt like he couldn’t

i was really hurt, obviously, but i think in hindsight maybe it was a responsible decision on his part to not throw me into a mess of a relationship w him, one he knew he wasn’t ready for. but at the time, i just thought that it was bc i wasn’t good enough to change his mind. anyways, he asked if we could still talk and be friends, and i said sure bc i didn’t really want to lose him. i figured i could just wait for him (and i told him that i would)

yeahhh well the waiting was way more fucking painful than i thought. he flew to cali once to visit me when flights were sort of resuming, which is just fucking insane because you’ll fly to see me but you won’t date me 😭, and i told him that it’d be the last time he ever sees me! and it was :”) maybe it was an impulsive decision by me, but idk. yknow when you get stuck in a limbo for what feels like forever that you make a decision just for the sake of making one (it was such a short amt of time in reality, but it felt like forever) he made a comment to me in our last conversation about how he really wished he didn’t have to be someone i had to wait on to change, and that really fuckin stuck w me lmao i cried so hard the drive home from the airport. i think all the “what-ifs” kinda sunk in at that moment

ch7 of kickoff was basically me trying to get inside the head of the guy from my situationship, and see what it’s like to have fears hold you back from wanting to experience something for yourself, something that could be beautiful if you would just give it a chance. i felt like if i wrote it from that angle, i’d have more understanding of my situationship (i dont have commitment issues myself, tbh i’ve never rlly understood the concept. like, i’ve been fucked over by ppl in my life too but i’m never one to punish the next person for it. dealing w my situationship was really hard because of this, i would get really frustrated, but writing ch7 from gojo’s character’s perspective made situationship guy’s feelings make more sense to me, i think, there was a sense of closure in that)

but anyways, i was in love w him for sure. like, possibly infatuated. there was a time where we got into a big argument about something and i think i legit i cried myself into a fever 💀 it was all so crazy and powerful, the feelings, i’ve been involved w n dated other guys since but of course none of it really compares. idk, i guess there are just some people that can make you feel that way, there’s really no use in understanding why.

this sounds so sappy, lmaoo i swear i truly am “over” him in that i hardly think of him that much anymore, n tbh i don’t think of him specifically all that much while i’m writing kickoff, but there are moments where i can’t help but bring those feelings into the story.

there’s a line in ch8, near the end of the bed scene, where reader has a thought like

“You feel so safe with him, and yet you also feel scared, because you like him so much that you would let him ruin you if he wanted to.”

yeah. that’s basically how i felt about him.

#damn sorry this is long asf #kickoff #kickoff backstory #asks #anon

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cyanoticfireflies · 4 months

Text

Hazbin Hotel - Rewatch Thoughts (Episode 1, Part 3)

I know Adam has his guitar and Alex Brightman voice, but is he an actual rockstar in Heaven? He’s going on about his gig in his anecdote.

They talked about how Lilith empowered demon-kind with her songs – but how did Heaven get its groove then?

I’m so fascinated by this because Adam knows who Charlie is. He knows she’s Lucifer’s daughter, which pretty much makes her Lilith’s daughter (theories in the epilogue, theories in the epilogue) which means that she could have been Adam’s daughter if his first wife hadn’t run off with another guy. Honestly, considering how immature and spiteful Adam is shown to be later, sitting down and talking to Charlie and having lunch “with” her is reasonably chill behavior on the Adam scale…. I’m kind of getting “that weird uncle that peaked in college” vibes from him.

Starting from about this point is where Lute begins to become more interesting to me than Adam. We get what he’s like. But when he’s asking whether a girl would want a “lesser” guy to him, Lute shakes her head, agreeing with him.

She hasn’t said a word so far, but immediately she’s on Adam’s side – not at all appalled that this guy representing Heaven is acting like this and in agreement with him even.

Lute will remain fascinating to me, just saying that now.

Adam goes into listing what he thinks is “our biggest problem” and knowing what we know about Adam later him possibly having herpes is both amusing and scary. I’m pretty sure he uses the exorcist army as his own harem. Maybe that’s why all of them are so angry.

(Yes, I think everyone caught the fourth wall break.)

(We’re not the ones who refuse to go out in public without a mask on, big man. Well, at least not since COVID numbers went down!)

I really want to find out Niffty’s backstory.

I’m sure Vivianne already has the whole thing drafted out in her head. But that complete paralysis when the camera was rolling seemed like a trauma response. And that’s in a room that has a guy that is frequently raped on camera standing a few feet away from her. Niffty goes totally dissociative until she hears the word “cut” and the camera beep off. So, so curious.

(Have some nightmare fuel.)

I feel like working in the film industry Angel would be the perfect person to explain “fix it in post” to Vaggie if she hadn’t bitten his head off. He literally raises his hands in surrender when she snarls at him, so done with all of their shit.

What room is Vaggie in when she’s editing the commercial? We know there’s a reasonably better working TV down in the living room since they were watching it at the beginning of episode 4, and that room doesn’t look like hers and Charlie’s room that we see later on.

And why did this seemingly unused room get matching elephant statues for the mantle?

Alastor shows up to be generally unhelpful and kick her while she’s down, as he’s wont to do.

Alastor’s shadow thing is so interesting to watch. In some ways, it almost acts like Asmodeus’s extra faces from Helluva Boss, mimicking Alastor’s emotions. But then other times it acts semi-separately. Is the shadow thing supposed to be Alastor’s unfiltered id behind his veneer?

(You can actually kind of see a non-psychotic deer form for Alastor when the camera bugs out when Vaggie is trying to video him. That looks like a deer to everyone else too, right?)

When Alastor has his “this face was made for radio” freakout, he’s missing the X in the middle of his forehead that he always has later, which is just an interesting detail to note.

I also feel like “who or what you are” is something that could come up later on. We know that Alastor is an aberration in Hell, having powers at levels never before seen from a Sinner. Either his deal goes back farther than I was suspecting or else he’s been very not-usual from the start.

I feel like what Alastor does here with Vaggie is the first (or second if the pilot is cannon) step along a long road to desensitization. We make him see two deals in the current timeline in the show – once to not have to fuss with the TV ever again, once for a favor where Charlie “harms no one.”

He seems to be getting them used to making little, insignificant (or maybe significant, depending on his favor – it was very specifically worded) deals with him. Like when you try to get close to a stray animal so inch your way towards it one step at a time. Though in this case Alastor would probably do the biting…

I also feel like it’s very telling that Alastor didn’t bother to offer to do his whole set/costumes/crew thing when Vaggie first asked for help with the commercial. Only when helping with the commercial was in some way beneficial to him.

Are these dude’s Alastor summons a couple of times other Sinners, or are they just fake, temporary creatures? Does that mean that Alastor is controlling them or are they equipped with some sort of rudimentary AI that lets them perform the tasks he’s set to them? If they are other Sinners, Husk and Niffty are out of uniform. If they aren’t, Angel can probably keep the one he hits on later as a fancy sex toy without many moral implications.

(Alastor should give up being the Radio Demon and give Velvette a run for her money in the fashion industry. Angel and Vaggie’s outfits in particular are *chef’s kiss*)

I hope Alastor’s closed captions staff are better than Amazon’s, though.

Also, at some point during the flash back to the hotel, Adam has finished his pile of ribs. I don’t know how if he never shuts up enough to let someone else get a word in edgewise.

Adam and Lute start talking about the Exterminations, and Lute mentions that she “got a good 275 this year.” (We’ll be coming back to that number later, by the way.)

Adam seems impressed by this, telling her that was “bad-ass” and giving her a fist bump. While calling her “danger tits.” Lute does not, in fact, punch Adam in the face for this. Again here Lute seems totally on board with Adam’s… Adam-ness.

She seems like some of the girls that I’ve known from school, work, etc that go out clubbing and actually will give the time of day to the guys who wear sunglasses inside and think that negging is a successful way to get women’s attention. Lute, you are encouraging bad behavior!

But that’s not surprising since Lute is quickly revealed to be a zealot, a fanatic, an extremist.

She hasn’t just drank the Kool-Aid, she was pouring the fruit punch flavored powder mix into the pitchers for other people to add the water to.

(Is this because if you, personally, catch an angel making one you de-angel-ify them?

Her belief system is carved in stone, and unfortunately for Charlie and all of Hell that belief system is that Sinners double-dying is not only an acceptable thing but an excellent thing.

Lute does reveal something here that has the potential to become important later: that Lucifer made some kind of arrangement that spares the Hellborn from the exorcisms.

Vivziepop’s other show “Helluva Boss” focuses a lot more on the Hellborn than Hazbin Hotel does (obviously, with Hazbin being focused on the redemption of Sinners.)

The Hellborn that we see/know/spend time with in Hazbin are going to include: Charlie, Keekee, Razzle, Dazzle, the Egg Boys, Fat Nuggets, and that’s pretty much it. Everyone else aside from background characters in Hazbin – I may have missed one or two – is an open target. I guess maybe fallen angels must also be exempt since no one is trying to go after Lucifer himself.

Lute’s words do seem to upset Charlie a bit. “How little you matter,” she said, and it looked like a hit to Charlie’s battleship. Which I know Charlie is a bouncy blonde ball of daddy issues at this point, but it really seems like the opposite, doesn’t it? Like she – and the other Hellborn – were being protected. Is Charlie upset that the exorcists aren’t coming after her because they can’t, so they don’t really care about (killing) her? Maybe that’s just Charlie’s guilt for being exempt?

Charlie tries to explain her plans to Adam and Lute, but by this point we all know that she’s not going to succeed, right? At least her crayon drawings are kind of cute.

“Hell is Forever” sounds like one of the songs that the youth pastors I grew up having to go hang out with every other week (divorced parents, split custody) used to make religion cool to the youngsters.

Very Skillet, Fireflight, etc. This ain’t your grandpappy’s religion – except the whole eternal damnation part. Except I’m pretty sure they would have censored some of the “fucks” to let us have this one.

Adam kind of cuts through all of the divine judgement propaganda to get to the heart of things in the second verse. This isn’t even about population control or final death or any of that – he and his exterminators just enjoy it.

Since we find out later that no one else knows about the exterminations, I imagine that the exterminators have to be – up to a certain point, at least – on their best behavior in Heaven. This kind of makes Extermination Day a bit like “The Purge” for exorcists.

One day to go nuts and get it all out of their systems. Frankly, it might be a little bit dangerous for Heaven to stop the extermination; after several thousands of years of having that release valve, if it was suddenly taken away that pressure could go pretty kaboom – and Sera won’t let that kaboom happen anywhere near her Winners.

(Charlie is right. Where did all of these backup singers come from? They’re gold, not full monochrome like Lute, so they’re probably not real exorcists they yanked into the meeting room from the lobby. Adam must have a “give me a posse” button in the Heaven version of the meeting room.)

Adam’s big reveal comes right at the end of the song. They’re moving the next Extermination Day up to six months instead of a year out.

Who approved this plan? Did Sera sign off on this? This seems like really bad population control practice. The exterminations seem to already be getting worse and worse (Carmilla Carmine says specifically that this most recent extermination was brutal, with approximately 15% of the Sinner population being wiped out.)

If they increase the pace and severity of exterminations, that’s almost a third of the population each year.

I stopped going to church a long time ago, but that number seems interesting…

Revelation 9:15: “And the four angels, who had been prepared for the hour and day and month and year, were released, so that they would kill a third of mankind.”

Revelation 9:18: “By these three plagues a third of mankind was killed, by the fire and smoke and sulfur coming out of their mouths.”

This may not mean anything.

(We'll pick up in Episode 1, Part 4 due to Tumblr's 30 images-per-post limit.)

#hazbin hotel #recap #images #randomness #musings #meta #analysis #charlie morningstar #vaggie #angel dust #husk #alastor #niffty #adam #lute

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cumsuga · 2 years

Text

Wasted Times - A Valentine's Day Special

jungkook x fem!reader

genre: SMUT, fluff, angst, romance

warnings: Losing of virginities, Sweetboy!Jungook, fingering, Jungkook has a thigh kink lowkey, unprotected sex (Please be smart and be safe, use a condom), mentions of Plan B, choking, blood, I tried to make the first time fluffy

word count: 3k

18+(Minors DNI)

You set the last of your boxes in your dorm room. You look around the room triumphantly; you did it, you flew across the world to go to school, and thankfully you get to spend all four years here. You never thought you’d get accepted into Yonsei University because your extracurriculars were nothing extraordinary, just cheer and volleyball. Your dad was also so happy for you that he decided to pay your way through college only on the condition that you use your degree to find a job straight away after you graduate. Which you're okay with, it's the least you could do, considering.

As you're standing there taking in your victory, someone who you assume is your roommate comes in. She's gorgeous, almost too pretty to be an actual human. You're staring at her in bi-panic.

"Hi, you're Y/N, right? We emailed about being roommates. It’s so nice to finally meet you!” She smiles brightly at you. She’s radiant and so damn attractive.

“Oh, yeah, Momo, right? Do you need help moving anything in?” She shakes her head and tells you her parents paid for the movers.

“So we didn't really get to discuss a whole lot in email, but tell me more about yourself, Y/N” she plops herself on your bed, looking exhausted from doing nothing, but again she’s so pretty you’re absolutely distracted.

She props herself up on her elbows to look at you, “Oh well, uh, I just moved here from Y/C, and I’m double majoring in Korean and Business Administration, with a minor in Music Composition. What about you?” you unpack a box, and start setting up your side of the room.

“I’m Momo Hirai, obvi. I’m 19 and from Japan. My major is also Business Admin. I’m also in dance. Part of my scholarship is for dance, btw. OH! On the way up here, I heard there is going to be a huge party to welcome the frosh class. It’s two weeks after syllabus week. We should go.” You look at her with wide eyes. You’re not a huge partier, never having good experiences during high school.

Honestly, high school was hell for you. It didn’t matter how affluent your family was; you being the ‘weird’ girl that liked anime and manga always made you the butt of everyone's joke, not to mention that you didn't really grow into your body until senior year. Then, everyone wanted you, but by then, you were over the high school bullshit and ready to go to college. So now here you are, and hopefully, things are different here.

“Well, I’m not much of a partier, but I’ll give it a chance, I guess.” You smile at her, setting your laptop on your desk. She's clapping her hands in excitement.

Syllabus week flies by, and you’ve spotted a couple of cuties in your statistics class. One stood out more than the others. A few times, you caught him staring at you when you went to talk to your professor about assignments. His big doe-like eyes, so pretty and gentle looking, you decide to get his number. You walk up to him after class, trying to muster all the courage you need to talk to him.

You tap him on the shoulder, and the minute he turns around, your mind goes blank, “Hi, uh….” He's giving you an empathetic look but is smiling, waiting for you to say something, but you don't. The silence is getting awkward. So he speaks up.

“Hi, I’m Jungkook. I’ve seen you around. What's your name?” We cocks his head to meet your eyes that have been staring at his shoes since he started talking.

“I— I’m Y/N. I’m sorry, I’ve never really talked to a guy. before..” Your cheeks are the deepest shade of red. Who did you think you were? You tried to hype yourself up but failed miserably, and now you’re embarrassed.

“You’re so cute.” He chuckles sweetly, “You don’t have to be embarrassed or shy. I don’t bite.”

You smile at him, finally making eye contact, “I was going to ask for your number. You’re kind of handsome, so I got flustered.” You're fidgeting absent mindedly.

“Making the first move, my kinda girl. Of course, I’ll give you my number. It's 82XXXXXXXXXX. I have to go now but text me. Maybe we can go on a date or something. Bye, Y/N” He smiles and then exits the classroom.

Over the next few days, you and Jungkook text all day and all night, even falling asleep on facetime with each other. You like him a lot, so you ask him to accompany you to the ‘Frosh Fest.’ From what he says, it’s a week of partying and drinking; the college sponsors get everyone to mingle and unwind after the first couple of weeks on campus. The graduating class is the host and usually the one to plan the festival. You tell him you don’t drink much, so it’d be nice to have someone you could talk to there because Momo tells you her girlfriend is flying from Japan to see her, having taken a gap year to travel.

The week of the festival comes. You and momo are in your dorm room getting ready when Jungkook calls, “Hi, I think I’m outside your room. Are you ready?”

You get giddy and immediately open the door, and there he is, the most beautiful man you’ve laid your eyes on. In all black, a myriad of tattoos peaking out of the cuff of his jacket. You’re also wearing all black, your luscious thighs peeking out of a black miniskirt. And you watch his eyes rake over you stopping on your thighs for a little longer than the rest of your body.

“God... you look… Magnificent.” He swallows thickly, mouth watering at the sight of you.

You spin in a circle pouting slightly. “Really? I don't think I care for the skirt. Come in, though. I think I might change.” He joins you and momo in the room before she tells you that her girlfriend is downstairs waiting for her, so she leaves.

You start going through all your skirts before deciding on a black Louis Vuitton wool mini skirt. “You mind if I change?” looking over at him, he’s blushing. Looking like a tomato, “You okay?”

“Uhm yeah, I’m fine. We’ve just never seen each other… naked.” He awkwardly adjusts on the bed, and you smile, throwing a pillow at him.

“You dork, I have shorts on under this.” Then a thought crosses your mind; maybe you want him to see you naked, be your first. Yeah, you know you’ve only known each other for a couple of weeks, but you feel comfortable with him. He’s never once pressured you for anything sexual, nor has he ever touched you before asking. He was a true gentleman, and you knew it.

“Unless you wanna see me naked..” You move to stand between his legs, “Is that what you want, Koo?” You gingerly slot your fingers through his hair, and he nods. “Take it off for me?” His fingertips ghost over your thigh, leaving burning goosebumps in their wake.

You shudder at his touch, every stroke going straight to your clit. His hands slip under your skirt to pull your safety shorts down. “First, let's get rid of these, yeah?” he squeezes your thigh, groaning at how soft the flesh is. "Where do you want me to touch you?"

You moan softly at the motion, “I… I don't know, Koo… anywhere.” he untucks your shirt from your skirt, splaying his hand across the pudge of your tummy.

“Here?” he asks, moving his hand to your breastbone, fingers fiddling with the front clasp of your bra. You nod sheepishly, cheeks and ears heating up. He hastily takes your shirt off and tosses it aside. “So pretty, always thought you were pretty. I couldn't stop staring at you when I first laid my eyes on you in class—imagining how you’d look on your knees in front of me, choking on my dick. I know you’d look so fucking beautiful blowing me.” you’re clenching around nothing, eyes glazed over in lust. Jungkook knows what he’s doing.

“Can I ask you something?” eyeing him lazily, ready for him to touch you for real.

“Anything, baby girl.” he leans in, leaving open-mouth kisses on your tummy. Looking up at you as he does.

You cringe at the initial contact of his mouth, legs starting to feel like they’re going to give out. “Are you a virgin?” he stops what he’s doing, bringing you back down from the cloud you were just on.

“I mean, I’ve had my dick sucked, but I’ve never been inside someone, so technically, yes. Are you?” You nod quickly, getting shy all over again. “That's fine with me, but I don't have condoms... So I was just–”

“I’m on the pill!” You blurt out. You don't want him to stop. You want to feel him. He makes you feel safe and protected.

His head snaps at you, and he chuckles softly, “Well. I’m clean, the campus does free STD screenings every other month, and I got checked about 2 months ago and haven't been with anyone since. So if you’re okay with it, I am too. We can buy Plan B in the morning.” You nod again.

“O–okay.” You’re shy again, so he coos at you.

He pulls you to straddle him, “So funny, baby girl, you were the one to initiate, and now look at you, all shy and blushy.” He leans in to kiss you, your first kiss. You feel electricity light up your body and you hope he feels it too.

You shift on his lap, accidentally creating friction for you both, causing you to moan into his mouth and for him to grip your ass. Fingernails leave crescents in your skin. “Stand up.” He moves you, and you stand. When you get up, his lips find yours helping you get undressed, and you do the same. When you're both in nothing but your underwear, he picks you up and gently lays you on the bed.

“Listen to me, okay? If you ever feel uncomfortable with anything, just tell me, and I’ll stop. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for the both of us, and I don’t wanna do anything to hurt you.” he cups your cheek, looking into your eyes, looking for the slightest bit of doubt. When he doesn’t find it, he goes back to kissing you slowly, making your clit throb.

His hand plays with the little pink bow on the front of your panties, “Can I touch you?” You agree, and he slips his hand into your panties, fingers slipping quickly between your folds, “Fuck you’re soaked... That's so fucking hot. All I did was kiss you. Shit.” You snap your thighs together when he finds your clit. “You like that?”

“Yeah.. feels good..” you begin to squirm under his ministrations. He’s just watching you, the way soft moans leave your mouth, making him hard.

“Can I put one in?” fingertip prodding the tight hole of your entrance. You nod feverishly, and he pushes one in slowly.

You groan at the feeling. Burning and slightly uncomfortable, but you know you'd have to get used to it. “You okay?” you feel his palm bump your clit, and you tell him you’re okay, that it just burns a little. “Well, baby, that's cause you’re so tight. I’m gonna wait for a little before I move my finger. Let me know when it stops burning, okay?”

You give him the go-ahead, and he begins to fuck his finger into you slowly while his thumb rubs lazy circles on your clit. You're squirming under him and moaning into his mouth while he kisses you. Eventually, he adds a second finger going a little harder this time, and you can feel this heaviness in the pit of your stomach. He hits a particular spot in you that causes the loudest moan to leave your mouth.

“Keep doing that. That's good. I like that. It feels so fucking good.” He keeps curling his fingers into you, beckoning your impending orgasm, and after a few minutes of him finger fucking you like that, your orgasm hits you. You bite him, moaning into the crook of his neck, legs shaking as you come down.

“You look so pretty when you cum. I could watch you do that forever.” He pulls his fingers out and pops them in his mouth, moaning at your taste. “I could also taste you forever.”

Your cheeks rose and you move your hand to touch his dick and squeeze it too hard, causing him to pull his hips away. “Too hard, baby, don’t squeeze too hard.” He guides you on how to touch him, and when you find a good rhythm, he's a moaning mess, lashes fluttering.

“Should we try it now?” You ask him, and he looks over to you, jaw slack from you, jerking him off. “I want to feel it inside me..” hiding your face in his chest, he moves to hover over you.

“Okay, I’m not going to lie to you. I might not last long.” He moves to look at what he's doing, and you watch as he lines himself up with your entrance. “You ready?”

You nod, and he struggles a little before finding your entrance and pushing himself in. Both of your moaning softly in unison. “Go slow... It burns a lot.” Unfortunately, Jungkook was girthy and long. The stretch was going burning regardless of how slow or fast he went. He bottoms out and stays there for a bit. His breath shaky in your ear.

“You’re clenching so hard. It feels too good. I’m trying so hard not to nut right now.” He licks and sucks on your neck to distract himself. “Good, I just know you got good pussy. Gonna make me fall in love with you.” Your heart flutters at his last words. No one has ever associated you and being in love together. You know it’s stupid, but you can’t help but fall for him.

You kiss him, which he takes as a sign to start moving inside you. He’s fucking you slowly, ensuring you feel all of him. He finds that kissing you distracts him from how wet and tight you are. You’re like his little slice of heaven right now, and he wants to savor the cake. At this point, he knows he's gonna have scratch marks all over his back with how much you’re clawing at him to keep him close.

“Yeah, that feels good. I like feeling you inside me.” You keen in his ear softly as he picks up his pace, watching your face contort in pleasure. You're so fucking hot to him, so sweet too. He likes you and thinks he’s dumb for the thought, but he could see himself with you forever.

“You’re taking me so fucking well, baby girl. It’s like this pussy was made for me.” He’s thrusting into you like a wildman. The burning has been replaced by pure, 100% pleasure. He’s right. It’s like you were made for him. Immediately taking all of him with almost no problem.

“Yeah, made for you... Only you. Ruin me, make me yours.” He stills inside you, looking at you in awe.

“You’re… You’re fucking nasty. Holy shit, you're so fucking hot. Can I choke you?” You nod, and he raises his hand to choke you, grip on your throat just enough to throw you right over the edge. Clenching around him like crazy, you feel him twitching inside you, his hips starting to thrust into you lazily. He thrusts into you a couple more times before he coats your walls in his seed. He collapses on you, both of you breathing heavily, lying there in silence.

“How was it?” You ask him, running your fingertips up and down the dip of his spine. He kisses your cleavage. You feel so blissful, and even if he doesn't respond, you think you could lay like this forever.

“It was good, like really good.” He sits up, and his lower half is coated in a mixture of cum and blood, and his eye widen. “Oh my god, are you okay? This is a lot of blood.”

You’re calm and collected, unlike him, “You broke my hymen, and I’m sure you ripped me a bit. I mean, your dick is big, and I’ve never had sex before. Don’t worry, I’m fine. Let's get cleaned up and head to the festival?” You move to stand, but your legs are wobbly, and your pussy is sore.

Nonetheless, Jungkook is super gentle in getting you all cleaned up, making sure to get the spots where the cum has dried up on you. You two eventually collected yourselves enough to get to the festival. You two have the best time, and you come out of your shell with him. Getting along with his friends and their girlfriend.

After a month of dating, Jungkook asks you to be his girlfriend, and of course, you say yes. Junior year Jungkook asks you to move in with him as he will graduate soon, and he doesn't want your relationship to end over it. You tell him you can’t because while your dad adores him, he wants you to focus on school and graduate before moving in together. You assure him you'll go to see him every weekend you are free. Senior Year, the day after graduation, Jungkook asks again, and you agree because now you can be together freely. A year after moving in together, he proposes to you, stating he’s in love with you and wants to be with you forever, among other beautiful words. You turn him down, telling him you two are still too young to settle down, you being 21 and him being 23. You tell him you’re his, but you’re not ready for that kind of commitment yet, and woefully he accepts your rejection. After another year of living together, Jungkook starts his business, and you two buy a home together. You start at HYBE as an assistant, and things are so shitty you fall into some bad habits. But let’s see where life takes you.

AN: please send me your thoughts on this and the first two parts I need some constructive criticism if you have it, my inbox is open. thank you all for enjoying the first two. I'm having a lot of fun writing these!!!

© @cumsuga 2016-2024. All rights reserved. — Unauthorized use or duplication of these works, including reposting, translating, and modification in any form, is strictly prohibited. DO NOT USE MY CONTENT FOR ANY AI PURPOSES WHAT SO EVER

credit to @cafekitsune for the dividers

#jungkook smut #bts smut #bts x reader #jungkook fic #bts fic #bts #jungkook #jungkook x reader #smut

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angelosearch · 9 months

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here is a weird little ramble about how weird and obsessive I am about this damn videogame.

You know that quote from Laguna at the beginning of disk 2 where he is like, "Oh, please let it be this room when I wake up! Please let me be in this puny bed when I wake up!"*?

I get that feeling sometimes. When you finally feel safe and happy and loved, it's hard to believe it will stay. Sometimes it's hard to believe I even deserve for it to stay. So I start and end each day with the fear of it all disappearing, and it's hard to hang on to gratefulness when you're doing that.

Right now I have so much joy and fun and creativity in my life. I spent so many years in a deep depression that I forgot I could be excited like this. I didn't know I could still feel so strongly about things. And while I spent a lot of 2023 seeing all of my mental health treatments/work paying off, I didn't feel truly whole until I rediscovered Final Fantasy VIII in July.

And my "puny bed" is just that - being engaged with Final Fantasy VIII. I get scared that one day I will be uninterested. But I never want to be unobsessed again.

I have loved Final Fantasy VIII at least since I was about 11, but I think I loved it since the first time I watched my brothers play the demo. It has been an important part of my life - playing the game influenced all my interests going forward; making fanfiction taught me how to write; going on forums to discuss the game helped me learn how to socialize online; and honestly I could go on.

But I've gone through cycles. I was very obsessed from 11 to 13, then someone made me a cake with the Griever necklace on it for my 16th birthday (WHICH WAS SO COOL) and all I could feel was embarrassment. My interest had gone completely dormant. It reemerged at 19 with the help of my Final Fantasy XIII roommate in college and went on long enough for us to go to see a Distant Worlds concert together, but faded again when she left for Amsterdam.

The first five years of my young professional life I am not sure I had any interests at all, being so busy and detached from myself, so Final Fantasy VIII was nowhere in my vocabularly. Which meant my wedding had not a drop of FFVIII in it. Even though my husband suggested it. Even though we learned how to dance for it, and could have done the waltz for the moon.

Strangely enough, about two days before the remaster dropped, I was inspired to look up FFVIII for some unknown reason. It was as if I felt the new opportunity to play in the force and when I found out a remaster was coming out, I absolutely had to play it.

And I did. And I enjoyed it. But that was when I started to fall down a dark spiral. The love was very quickly strangled.

When I was at my very worst, I kid you not, I could not even bring myself to think of FFVIII. I very clearly remember one December night in 2020 I spent manic in a psych ward, scared and uncomfortable and unable to fall asleep. I tried to focus on fanfiction ideas so I could maybe be relaxed enough to doze, instead of spending hours in the darkness wondering if my meds would ever work, if my heart was going to explode, if I would ever be "normal" again, while people opened my door at random intervals to shine a flashlight on my face. I tried to conjure Squall's face, or quotes from the game, and it all collapsed into nothingness.

And that was how it was. From then until mid-2023, FFVIII was shut away from me by the tomb of my own illness.

Then, I think it was March or April, my therapist and I were talking about ways to tackle my insomnia that didn't involve additional medication. It came up that I used to make "fake bedtime scenarios" about characters in this videogame I liked and that would not only help me fall asleep, but make me excited to go to bed.

"Why don't you play the game again?" She asked. I know I said "I can't" but I don't remember why. But it was enough to plant a seed (SeeD?).

As the spring continued, I started listening to the music from Final Fantasy VIII. Then I started going on the Reddit. I found this "State of the Arc" podcast that reviewed FFVIII. I listened to it on a roadtrip and, while I enjoyed it, I also found myself yelling at the dashboard because I disagreed with the hosts about something.

When I reached my destination, I found I could not fall asleep. I turned over a lot of things in my brain. I thought about Squall being a high-functioning depressed person with a lot of repressed feelings, like I once was. And how as your brain develops and you have issues like that, especially with CPTSD, it sometimes doesn't matter if your life is good now - the pain demands to be felt and the body remembers what you thought you forgot. And then I wondered, what if he was happy and with Rinoa after FFVIII but had a massive mental breakdown in his late 20s? And so, for the first time in three years, I could think about Final Fantasy VIII to fall asleep again.

After that, I was hooked again, and in a big way. I played the game again and found Reddit wasn't enough anymore. I may be even more obsessed with the game now than I ever was. So I joined Tumblr, and I guess you guys know the rest.

Since bringing this amazing videogame back into my life, I've been happier, more easy-going, and just... able to sit with myself. It makes me want to write, and draw, and sing, and play card games. I find that when my anxiety gets the best of me, I can shift to thinking about Final Fantasy VIII as a way of thought-stopping. And then I've met some amazing people on here that are so interesting and talented and supportive. I literally look forward to coming on Tumblr.

Today I was out and about a lot because I am with my in-laws and I am sort of on vacation. Because of that, I wasn't on Tumblr all day, and, more significantly, I didn't think/talk about Final Fantasy VIII. I mean, it wasn't completely absent from my day as I wore my "Compression of Time" tanktop and Squaket... but irrationally I feared I was somehow "not doing enough FFVIII" today.

And that is silly, of course. And I think in the big picture I am most afraid of being that disconnected and lost again. I could probably find joy in another fandom... maybe.

I just want to keep waking up here, in this cozy place that makes me feel connected and at home.

*btw in google this quote I found out Laguna is a brand of bed frame???

#Essay #personal essay #final fantasy viii #Little mental illness things

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layce2015 · 1 year

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Supernatural (Dean Winchester x Female!Reader)

Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things

Masterlist

"Come on, Sam, I'm begging you. This is stupid." Dean said to Sam as we ride down the two lane road. Dean was driving, as usual, and Sam was in the passenger seat and I was in the back. "Why?" Sam asked him. "Going to visit Mom's grave? She doesn't even have a grave -- there, there was no body left after the fire." Dean groans.

"She has a headstone." Sam said. "Yeah, put up by her uncle, a man we've never even met. So you wanna, go pay your respects to a slab of granite put up by a stranger? Come on." Dean grumbles. "Dean, that's not the point." Sam said to him. "Well then, enlighten me, Sam." Dean challenged

"It's not about a body, or, or, a casket. It's about her memory, okay? And after Dad it just...just feels like the right thing to do." Sam said. "It's irrational, is what it is." Dean grumbles.

"Look, man. No one asked you to come." Sam yelled. "Why don't we swing by the roadhouse instead? I mean, we haven't heard anything on the demon lately. We should be hunting that son of a bitch down." Dean said. "That's a good idea, you should. Just drop me and Sam off at my safehouse, which isn't far from here. I'll grab my bike and we'll go visit Mary's grave and we'll meet you at the Roadhouse tomorrow." I said and Dean scoffs.

"Right. Stuck...stuck with those people, making awkward small talk until you show up? No thanks." Dean said. "Ah, is someone afraid to make new friends?" I asked in a mimic baby voice. Sam starts to chuckle but Dean ignores me as he continues to look at the road and drive on.

After arriving at the graveyard, Sam was kneeling before a headstone while Dean was wandering around the graveyard. I stood by the car, surveying the grounds, and started thinking that maybe I need to go visit my mother's grave. It's actually not far from Lawrence, she's buried a town over. I haven't been to her grave since I was kid and I begged dad to take me to her grave.

He didn't want to go at first but he realized how important it was to me and we went together to see her grave. After that, I never went back. I'm not sure why, I guess time got away from me and now with me and Sam are now a part of some plan that the yellow eyed demon has for us...that has occupied my mind for a long time.

I don't act like it, as I don't want to worry the boys, but I'm scared of whatever this plan that son of a bitch has for me and Sam.

"Hey." Sam's voice said and I jump, slightly, at this and look oup at him. "You okay?" He asked me. "Yeah, yeah...just...coming here with you guys...it's made me think I should go visit my mom's grave." I said and Sam nods as he stands next to me and leans against the car.

"Have you ever visited it before?" He asked me. "Once. When I was a kid about ten or eleven, dad brought me there. Haven't gone back since then." I said, softly.

"Sam! (Y/n)!" Dean's voice yells and we look up at him and go to him. Dean then shows us a dying tree and a perfect circle of dead grass surrounding a gravestone.

Later, Dean takes a card from a man in a suit, then walks over to me and Sam. "Angela Mason. She was a student at the local college; funeral was three days ago." Dean said as we walked together.

"And?" Sam and I asked. "And? You guys saw her grave. Everything dead around it, in perfect circle? You don't think that's a little weird?" Dean asked. "Maybe the groundskeeper went a little agro with the pesticide." Sam said, shrugging. "No, I asked him. No pesticide, no chemicals. Nobody can explain it." Dean said.

"Okay, so what are you thinking?" I asked Dean. "I dunno. Unholy ground, maybe?" He said and Sam scoffs. "What? If something evil happened there, it could easily poison the ground. Remember the, the farm outside of Cedar Rapids?" Dean asked him. "Yeah, b--" Sam started to say but Dean talks over him.

"Could be the sign of a demonic presence. Or the, the Angela girl's spirit, if it's powerful enough." He said and Sam nods, turning away. "Well, don't get too excited, you might pull something." Dean said. "It's just...stumbling onto a hunt? Here, of all places?" Sam asked.

"So?" Dean asked. "So -- are you sure this is about a hunt, and not about something else?" Sam said, questioning. "What else would it be about?" Dean asked and Sam sighs heavily, shaking his head, and moves to get into the car. "You know, just forget about it." He said. "You believe what you want, Sam, but -- I let you drag my ass out here, the least we could do is check this out." Dean said to him. "Yeah. Fine." Sam growls.

"Anyway...where to next?" I asked Dean. "Girl's dad works in town. He's a professor at the school." Dean said and I nod then we get inside of the car and drive off.

Dean knocks on the door of Dr. Mason's office at the school. The man answers and looks between us. "Dr. Mason?" I asked him. "Yes?" Mason said. "I'm Sam. This is Dean and (y/n). We were friends of Angela's. We...we wanted to offer our condolences." Sam said and Mason nods. "Please, come in." He said as he opens the door wider.

We enter then he closes the door behind us. Sitting down, he shows us a photo album. In the corner, Dean is looking through an old book. "She was beautiful." Sam said as we look through the album. "Yes, she was." Mason said.

"This is an unusual book." Dean said and he shows the cover of the book he's been paging through; it has carvings of Greek letters and a triangular symbol. "It's ancient Greek; I teach a course." Mason replied and Dean puts the book down.

"So a car accident, that's, that's horrible." I said to Mason, softly. "Angie was only a mile away from home when, uh..." Mason said then he stops and gulps. "It's gotta be hard. Losing someone like that. Sometimes it's like they're s-- still around. Almost like you can still sense their presence." Dean said and I look at him, concerned.

"You ever feel anything like that?" Dean asked Mason. "I do, as a matter of fact." Mason said as Sam looks at Dean. "That's perfectly normal, Dr. Mason. Especially with what you're going through." Sam assured him. "You know, I still phone her. And the phone's ringing before I remember that, uh....Family's everything, you know? Angie was the most important thing in my life. And now I, I, I'm just lost without her." Mason said, shakily.

"We're very sorry." I said and he nods at us.

"I'm telling you guys, there's something going on here. We just haven't found it yet." Dean said as sit in the motel room. "Dean, so far you've got a patch of dead grass and nothing." Sam said. "Well, something turned that grave into unholy ground." Dean said. "There's no reason for it to be unholy ground. Angela Mason was a nice girl who died in a car crash. That's not exactly vengeful spirit material. You heard her father." I said to Dean.

"Yeah, well, maybe Daddy doesn't know everything there is to know about his little angel, huh?" Dean said and I sighed in exasperation. "You know what? We never should have bothered that poor man. We shouldn't even be here anymore." Sam said, annoyed.

"So what, Sam? What, we just bail? Without even figuring out what's going on?" Dean asked. "I think I know what's going on here. It's the only reason I went along with you this far." Sam said to him.

"What are you talking about?" Dean asked. "This is about Mom's grave." Sam said and Dean scoffs. "That's got nothing to do with it."

"You wouldn't step within a hundred yards of it. I watched you, Dean." I said and he glares at me. "Look. Maybe you're imagining a hunt where there isn't one so you don't have to think about Mom. Or Dad." Sam said and Dean turns to him and Sam sighs.

"You wanna take a swing? Go ahead, if it'll make you feel better." Sam said to him and Dean shakes his head, minutely. "I don't need this crap." He growls and he grabs his jacket and keys and starts for the door.

"Dean, where're you going?" I asked him. "I'm going to go get a drink. Alone." He said to me, firmly, as he gives me a harsh glare then he leaves. I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose then turn to Sam.

"Do you think this is a hunt?" Sam asked me. I shrug then said. "I don't know, Sam. I mean...that grass around the grave is weird but she's not a vengeful spirit. I don't know. Maybe I'll go and do some research and figure it out." I said and I grab my jacket and put it on. "I'll be back." I said and I walk out of room.

After not getting any answers from the library or from the internet, I head back to the motel and open the door to see Dean was back. They turned to me and I give a small smile to them. "Hey." I said. "Where were you?" Dean asked as i shut the door behind me.

"I was trying to find anything about your dead grass around the grave." I said. "And?" Dean asked and I sigh. "It was a bust." I said. "Where were you?"

"Working my imaginary case." Dean said as he gives an angry look towards Sam. "Yeah? And?" Sam asked. "Well, you were right, I didn't find much." Dean said and Sam and I nod, sympathetically. "Yeah. Except Angela's boyfriend died last night. Slit his own throat. But, you know, that's normal. Uh, let's see, what else. Oh, he was seeing Angela everywhere before he died. But you know, I'm sure that's just me transferring my own feelings." Dean said, sarcastically, and I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, we get it. I'm sorry, maybe there is something going on here." Sam said. "Maybe? Guys, I know how to do my job, despite what you might think." Dean growls and I sigh. "We should check out the guy's apartment." I said. "I just came from there. Pile of dead plants, just like the cemetery. Hell, dead goldfish too." He said.

"So, unholy ground?" Sam asked. "Maybe. I'm still not getting that powerful angry spirit vibe from Angela." Dean said then he gets up, crosses the room to pick up a pink book. "I have been reading this, though." He said and my jaw drops.

"You stole the girl's diary?" I asked, shocked. "Yeah, (y/n). And if anything the girl's a little too nice." Dean said. "So what do you want to do?" Sam asked him. "Keep digging, talk to more of her friends." Dean said.

"You get any names?" I asked as I nod towards the diary. "Are you kidding me? I have her bestest friend in the whole wide world." He said as he holds the diary.

"I didn't realize the college employed grief counselors." The guy, named Neil, said to us once we stood outside of his door. "Oh yeah. Yeah, you talk, we listen. Or maybe throw in a little therapeutic collage, whatever jump-starts the healing." Dean said to him. "Well, I think I'm okay. Thanks." Neil said.

"Well, you heard what happened to Matt Harrison, right?" I asked and he nods, slightly. "Yeah, I did." He said. "Well, we just wanted to make sure you were okay. Grief can make people do crazy things." Sam said to him. "Look, I'm sorry about what happened to him. I am. But if Matt killed himself it wasn't 'cause of grief." Neil sneered.

"No? Then why?" Dean asked him. "It was guilt. Angie's death was Matt's fault and he knew it." Neil said. "How was Matt responsible?" I asked, confused. "Well, she really loved that guy. But the night of the accident she walked in on him with another girl." Neil replied.

Sam and I give a shock look at this while Dean hums at this. "She was really torn up, that's why she crashed the car." Neil said then he looks between us. "Um, look, I gotta get ready for work, so...thanks for the concern, but...seriously, I'll be okay." He said and he goes back in his house while Dean turns and looks, significantly, at me and Sam.

"Well, that vengeful spirit theory's starting to make a little more sense. I mean, hell hath no fury..." Dean said as we walk down the street. "So if Angela got her revenge on Matt, you think it's over?" I asked him. "Well, there's one way to be sure." Dean said as we get into the car.

"Yeah? What's that?" Sam asked.

"Burn the bones." Dean replied

"Burn the bones? Are you high?" Sam scoffed and Dean thinks about it. "Angela died last week!" Sam exclaimed. "So?" Dean said, unfazed. "So, there's not gonna be bones. There's gonna be a ripe, rotting body in the coffin." Sam said. "Since when are you afraid to get dirty? Huh?" Dean asked him.

That night, we dig at Angela's gravesite, we were panting and sweating with exertion until we finally hit her coffin. Standing on the coffin, Dean clears the rest of the dirt off and turns to me. "Ladies first." He said and I rolled my eyes. "Such a gentleman." I said with sarcasm and I hand him a flashlight. "Hold that for me, please, dear." I said, sweetly, and he rolls his eyes but takes my flashlight.

I open the coffin, wincing in preparation, but the coffin was empty. The three of us look at each other in shock.

"They buried the body four days ago." I said, shocked, as we stared at the empty coffin. "I don't get it." Sam said then he moves his flashlight and I noticed something Carver in the coffin. "Guys, look." I said and we kneel down and look at the carving. "What is that?" Dean asked. "I'm not sure." Sam said.

"I've seen these kind of symbols before." Dean said, in realization.

The next day, we go to Dr Mason's house and Dean pounds heavily on the door. "Dean. Take it easy, okay?" I said to him just as Mason opens the door.

"You're Angie's friends, right?" He asked as he looks at us. "Dr. Mason..." Sam started to say, gently, but Dean steps up. "We need to talk." He said, harshly, and I smack his arm. "Dean." I said, warningly. "Well, then, come in." Mason said as he opens his door wider for us. "Thanks." I said and we enter the building.

"You teach Ancient Greek. Tell me --" Dean said as he starts unwrapping a paper. "...what are these?" He asked and he shows Dr. Mason the paper on which he's copied the symbols from the grave. "I don't understand. You said this had something to do with Angela." Mason said, confused. "It does. Please, just humor me." Dean said and Mason looks over the paper.

"They're part of an ancient Greek divination ritual." He said. "Used for necromancy, right?" I asked him. "That's right." He said. "See, before we came over here we stopped by the library and did a little homework ourselves. Apparently they used rituals like this one for communicating with the dead. Even bringing corpses back to life. Full-on zombie action." Dean said to her.

"Yes. I mean, according to the legends. Now, what's all this about?" He asked and I watched him, starting to doubt that he did this ritual. "I think you know." Dean said, harshly. "Dean." Sam and I said, warningly. "Look, I get it. Okay? There are people that I would give anything to see again. But what gives you the right?" Dean asked, ignoring us.

"Dean!" Sam and I said, louder.

"What are you talking about?" Mason asked Dean. "What's dead should stay dead!" Dean yells. "What?!" Mason asked, confused. "Stop it!" I shouted at Dean as I grab his arm but he yanks his arm away from me and continues to yell at Mason.

"What you brought back isn't even your daughter anymore. These things are vicious, they're violent, they're so nasty they rot the ground around them. I mean, come on, haven't you seen Pet Sematary?" Dean asked, angrily. "You're insane." Mason yells.

"Where is she?" Dean asked him. "Get out of my house." Mason said and he goes to his phone and starts to dial but Dean knocks it out of his hand. "I know you're hiding her somewhere. Where is she?!" Dean yells, angrily. "Dean! Stop, that's enough! Dean, look!" Sam yells and he grabs Dean's jacket, and we point to a row of plants by the window.

"Beautiful, living plants." I said to him then I turn to Mason. "We're leaving." I said. "I'm calling the police." Mason said as Dean pulls out of Sam's grip and storms for the door. "Sir, we're sorry. We won't bother you again." Sam said and we leave.

Dean strides down the steps and along the sidewalk, Sam and I began following him. "What the hell is the matter with you, Dean?" I asked him, angrily. "Back off." Dean growled. "That man is innocent! He didn't deserve that!" Sam said.

"Okay, so she's not here, maybe he's keeping her somewhere else." Dean said. "Stop it! That's enough, okay? Enough!" I said, firmly. "(Y/n), I know what I'm doing." Dean said and I shake my head. "No, you don't. At all. Dean, I don't scare easy, but man, you're scaring the crap out of me." I said. "And you're scaring me too." Sam said.

"Don't be overdramatic, guys." Dean said. "You're lucky this turned out to be a real case. Because if it wasn't you would have just found something else to kill." Sam said. "Wha-" Dean started to ask but I talk over him.

"You're on edge, you're erratic - except for when you're hunting, because then you're downright scary. You're tailspinning, Dean. And you refuse to talk about it and you won't let me or Sam help you." I said to him. "I can take care of myself, thanks." Dean said.

"No, you can't. And you know what? You're the only one who thinks you should have to. You don't have to handle this on your own, Dean, no one can." I said but then Dean talks over me. "(Y/n), if you bring up Dad's death one more time I swear..." Dean yells but then Sam steps in. "Stop. Please, Dean, it's killing you. Please. We've already lost Dad. We've lost Mom. I've lost Jessica. (Y/n)'s lost her Mom and Dad. And now (y/n) and I are going to lose you too?" Sam said to him, desperately, and Dean just glares at us for a moment.

"We better get out of here before the cops come." He said and I frown at him. "I hear you. Okay? Yeah, I'm being an ass. And I'm sorry. But right now we've got a friggin' zombie running around, and we need to figure out how to kill it." Dean said and Sam laughs.

"Right?" Dean said and I smirked. "Our lives are weird, man." I said. "You're telling me? Come on." Dean said and we get in the car and drive off.

Back at the motel, Dean was pacing while Sam was sitting on the bed with John's journal and I sat in one of the chairs by the table. "We can't just waste it with a head shot?" Dean asked. "Dude. You've been watching way too many Romero flicks." Sam said.

"You're telling me there's no lore on how to smoke 'em." Dean said, annoyed, as he goes to sit across from me. "No, Dean, I'm telling you there's too much. I mean, there's a hundred different legends on the walking dead, but they all have different methods for killing them. Some say -- setting them on fire, uh, one said, where is it? Right here. Feeding their hearts to wild dogs. That's my personal favorite. I mean, who knows what's real and what's myth?" Sam said, annoyed.

"Is there anything they all have in common?" I asked him. "No. But a few said silver might work." Sam replied. "Silver's a start." Dean said. "Yeah. But now how are we going to find Angela?" Sam asked. "We've got to figure out the person who brought her back." Dean said.

"Any ideas?" Sam asked, looking between us. "I think if it's not her dad it might be that guy Neil." Dean said and I look over at him. "Neil?" I said, confused. "Yep." Dean said and he stands and crosses the room to pick up the pink diary.

"How'd you come up with that?" Sam asked. "Well, you've got your journal, I've got mine." Dean said and he begins reading the diary. "Neil's a real shoulder to cry on, he so understands what I'm going through with Matt." Then he looks up at us. "There's more in here where that came from. It's got unrequited Duckie love written all over it." Dean said. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean he brought her back from the dead." Sam said and I shrug. "I don't know, Sam. He seemed alittle resentful about Matt." I said.

"Did I mention he's Professor Mason's TA? Has access to all the same books." Dean said and we give him a speculative look.

We break in Neil's house, which was dark and quiet. "Hello? Neil?! It's your grief counselors -- we've come to hug." Dean said as he pulls out a gun. Sam and I look at it. "Silver bullets?" I asked. "Yeah, enough to make her rattle like a change purse." He said and we start stalking through the house, Deam in the lead with the gun out. We could see wilted plants by a window then we find the entrance to the basement. Dean nods at it.

"Unless it's where he keeps his porn..." Dean said. "Is that what your hoping?" I asked and he shrugs and I shake my head. Sam opens the door and Dea leads the way down the stairs to the room, which was empty. "Sure looks like a zombie pen to me." I said as we look around.

"Yeah. An empty one. You think Angela's going after somebody?" Sam asked as I find a loose grate and pull it aside -- it leads out, somewhere. "Nah, I think she went out to rent Beaches." Dean said, gesturing towards the grate, and I roll my eyes. "Look, smartass, she might kill someone. We gotta find her, Dean." Sam said.

"Yeah. All right. She, uh, she clipped Matt because he was cheating, right?" Dean said. "Yeah." Sam and I said, in unison. "Well, it takes two to, you know, have hardcore sex." Dean said and Sam shakes his head at him while I give a sarcastic gasp. "Really? No way! I thought it only took one to tango." I said, sarcastically, and Sam chuckles.

"Ok, smartass. It's just....I don't know, it just seemed that, uh, Angela's roommate was broken up over Matt's death. I mean, like, really broken up." Dean said and the three of us exchange a look.

Eventually, we get out of Neil's house and head over to Angela's friend, Lindsey, friend house. We get inside to see Angela had pulled Lindsey up to her feet and raised a pair of scissors towards her. Dean fires and Angela convulses once the bullets hit her.

Dean fires the gun again, right in Angela's chest. She screams and bolts out the window; Dean follows while Sam and I run to Lindsey. "Gotcha. We gotcha." Sam said as we stand next to her and Dean comes back through the window.

"Damn, that dead chick can run." He said as he comes over to me. "What now?" I asked him. "I say we go have a little chat with Neil." Dean said.

After making sure Lindsey was okay, we got into the Impala and started down the road. "So the silver bullets, they did something, right?" Sam said as he looks through the journal. "Yeah, something, but not enough. What else you got?" Dean asked. "Um, okay, besides silver, we have...nailing the undead back into their gravebeds. It's mentioned a few times. It's probably where the whole vampire staking lore came from." Sam said and I rais an eyebrow.

"Their gravebeds? You serious?" I asked. "Yeah." Sam said. "How the hell are we going to get Angela back to the cemetery?" Dean asked.

Later, we enter Neil's office to see him sittding in the dark and he looked nervous. "What are you guys doing here?" He asked us, nervously. "You know, I've heard of people doing some pretty desperate things to get laid, but you -- you take the cake." Dean said to him.

"Okay. Who are you guys?" Neil asked. "You might want to ask Angela that question." I said and Neil gives us a confused look. "What?" He asked, nervously. "We know what you did. The ritual? Everything." Sam said and Neil scoffs. "You're crazy."

"Your girlfriend's past her expiration date and we're crazy? When someone's gone they should stay gone. You don't mess with that kind of stuff." Dean said to him. "Angela killed Matt. She tried to kill Lindsey." I said. "I don't know what you're talking about." Neil said.

Then Dean stomps over to the other side of the desk and hauls Neil up by the collar. "Hey! No more crap, Neil. His blood is on your hands. Now. The three of us can make this right, but you've gotta tell us where she is. Tell us!" Dean yells. "My house. She's at my house." Neil revealed and Dean lets him go, but I notice several potted plants by the window. They're dead. Dean looks at the plants as well then looks at Neil.

"You sure about that?" Dean asked and Neil nods, looking around nervously. Dean looks past him to see a closet then he raises his voice slightly. "Listen. It doesn't really matter where she is. There's only one way to stop her. We've got to perform another ritual over her grave, to reverse the one that you did. We're going to need some black root, some, some scar weed, some candles...It's very complicated, but it'll get the job done. She'll be dead again in a couple hours. I think you should come with us." Dean said then he walks closer to Neil.

"I'm serious, Neil. Leave with us. Right now." He said, significantly. "No. No." Neil said and Dean leans in, lowering his voice again. "Listen to me. Get out of here as soon as you can. But most of all, be cool. No sudden movements. Don't make her mad." He said then he turns to us and said. "Let's go."

And we leave the office and head back into the Impala.

Back at her grave, we began to light some candles around Angela's grave. "You really think this is going to work?" Sam asked Dean. "No, not really. But it was the only thing I could come up with." Dean said then we heard a noise. The boys and I nod to each other.

Sam and I stand and pull a gun from the small of our backs and we split up. I stalk in the direction of the sound until I freeze, hearing something behind me. I turn around and point the gun at Angela, and she stops short. "Wait! It's not what you think. I didn't ask to be brought back. But it's still me. I'm still a person. Please." She pleads but I fire the gun, hitting her square in the forehead. She screams, her head snapping back.

Then I bolt back towards the grave until she tackles me, and I land hard on the ground; she twists my head back. Then a gun fires and I turn over to see Angela standing up while Dean shoots her several more times until she falls straight back into the open grave, landing in the empty coffin.

Dean grabs a long metal stake and runs to the grave, sliding the last length on his knees and diving into the coffin. I get up as Sam comes and helps me and we look into the grave just as Dean buries the stake in her chest, pinning her in.

"Wait, don't --!!!!" She screams but Dean drives it further in. She gasps one last time, then goes limp. Dean pulls back, panting. "What's dead should stay dead." He whispers.

Dean, Sam and I pat down the dirt over the grave as the sun rises. "Rest in peace." Sam said as we pant. "Yeah. For good this time, okay?" Dean said and we turn away, heading for the car. I grunts as I lift the shovel over one shoulder. "You know, that whole fake ritual thing, luring Angela into the cemetery? Pretty sharp." Sam complimented Dean. "Thanks." He said. "But did we have to use me or Sam as bait?" I asked.

"Honestly, I figured she would go after Sam. He seems to be more of her type. You know, she had pretty crappy taste in guys." Dean said and I chuckled while Sam rolls his eyes. "I think she broke my hand." I said. "You're just too fragile. We'll get it looked at later." Dean said then he turns and stares at something.

Sam and I turn to see he was staring at Mary's grave. "You want to stay for a while?" Sam asked him. "No." Dean said and we drop our things in the trunk of the car and get in.

Driving along, Dean is scowling and Sam and I look at him, concerned. Dean pulls the car across the road to stop in the opposite shoulder. He gets out and sits on the hood. Sam and I follow.

"Dean, what is it?" I asked him as we go stand on either side of him. There was a long pause before he speaks. "I'm sorry." He said. "You -- For what?" Sam asked. "The way I've been acting. And for Dad. I mean, he was your dad too. And it's my fault that he's gone." Dean said, in a defeated tone.

"What are you talking about?" I asked him. "I know you two've been thinking it -- so have I. Doesn't take a genius to figure it out. Back at the hospital, I made a full recovery. It was a miracle. And five minutes later Dad's dead and the Colt's gone." Dean said. "Dean." Sam and I said, concerned, and I placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You guys can't tell me there's not a connection there. I don't know how the demon was involved. I don't know how the whole thing went down exactly. But Dad's dead because of me. And that much I do know." He said, his voice shaking slightly. "We don't know that. Not for sure." Sam said to him

"Sam...(y/n)..." Dean said then he starts crying. "You two and Dad...you're the most important people in my life. And now...I never should've come back. It wasn't natural. And now look what's come of it. I was dead. And I should have stayed dead. You wanted to know how I was feeling. Well, that's it." Dean explains and we nod at him.

"So tell me. What could you two possibly say to make that all right?" Dean asked us and he looks at Sam, who looks away, then he looks at me. I look down as I really didn't have anything to say, I'm speechless on what to say to him to make him feel better.

Dean looks away then I slide my hand off of his shoulder then slide it towards in his hand and hold it. He holds my hand as well then squeezed it while I run my thumb over his knuckles, reassuringly, and the three of us look out on the mountain side scenery.

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