#she truly feels like she owes it to the family for having given her a home

[robylovi]

Thinking abt that catradora ‘While You Were Sleeping’ AU fic I read that was so good it got me to watch the movie only for it to feel exactly like when you watch a movie based off a book you read and feel incredibly disappointed even though the fic clearly didn’t come first ??

[haine-kleine]

i thought the ending couldn't be more disappointing and then this japanese tweet proved me wrong

because all of this is true. Ochako and Izuku will never forget Toga and Tenko and half of their epilogue was about this, however messily done. Ochako dedicated herself to creating better conditions for people like Toga, because she saw how badly Toga was suffering and despite failing to save her and give her a brighter future, she committed to building that future on her own, selflessly gifting it to others. Izuku had failed to save Tenko despite wanting to, and this weights on his conscience eight years later, and will continue to haunt him in the form of Shigaraki's ghost watching him, not letting him forget himself in the happy ending of joining his hero classmates and achieving his dream.

it's still messy and unfaithful as fuck, but at least these two endings still show that the consequences were there. the unfair deaths of the villains weren't simply swept under the rug and forgotten after a few sad talks about them.

and the thing these two cases share in common? Ochako and Izuku really didn't owe it to Toga and Shigaraki to save them. they didn't. they were hero kids thrown in the middle of the war these very villains waged on them. they both were younger than their respective villains, they both were hurt by these villains, they had no prior history with them, and having shared a few conversations was enough to make them emphasize with and humanize the villains. nothing that happened to Himiko and Tenko was inflicted on them by Ochako and Izuku, and yet just seeing that, hearing about that was enough to ignite sympathy in their hearts. because, you know, they are heroes. they are there to save people from suffering. and even when those people are the ones actively hurting them and their friends, they are mature enough to set that aside and attempt to save their human lives.

enter the star of the show, the only character in this story who despite having committed truly villainous acts, is allowed to go consequences free without a single care in the world. Enji. the person who had single-handedly fucked Touya up to the point his mental state was too messed up even for AFO to deal with. he had given life to this baby, and he was constantly made aware of how badly his attitude is affecting this child by Rei. and he couldn't be bothered to do anything for him, not even to look at him. the fire on Sekoto was 100% Enji's fault, not only because he couldn't be bothered to come visit his son on his day off when Touya had asked him to, but also because the number two hero on his day off was too slow to come to the forest near his house to save Touya from the fire or from All for One. this makes Touya being kept under AFO's care for the following 3 years Enji's responsibility, as he was the only one who could have saved Touya from AFO. even after Touya wakes up from his coma and immediately runs to his house as fast as he can, it's Enji's behaviour alone that makes him decide against making his presence known to the family for the following 7 years. this excuse of a father can't even mourn the death of a son he explicitly blames himself for in such way that won't make his entire existence feel meaningless to him.

and after Touya reveals himself to Enji personally as Dabi? he proves that he still hasn't changed at all and utterly fails to do anything about the situation while Shouto has to repeatedly remind him of it. not only was he procrastinating, the narrative was coddling him the entire time, with the support of other heroes and sidekicks, who despite being shown the truth about Enji, choose to ignore it. even the family he has been abusing for years, the family who was mourning Touya together, joins their efforts to support Enji.

Touya's only desires were to be seen and to be heard. both went unanswered, as after showing the world the unfiltered truth of the misery his father had caused to him, the world covered their earths and turned away. after showing himself to his family, they keep looking at Enji, not at him.

even at the very end, the end of the family's hell is more about Enji than about any other character. he is the only one allowed to talk about his feelings in depth, while the rest of them are reduced to barebone imitations of their previously established characters used as props for supporting Enji's character resolution (with the exception of Touya, who is physically unable to speak for longer than 5 minutes a day anymore. wow). even Natsuo cutting off Enji is less about the latter being a horrible excuse of a father and more about Enji's great stoicism accepting everything the family throws at him with a heroic face. Rei's character no longer makes sense because exactly a month ago her mental state and the trauma inflicted on her by this very man didn't allow her to face him at all. and now she is suddenly okay with becoming his caretaker? why is she taking her responsibility for Touya and not talking about Enji's responsibility at all? this was a man who had abused her so badly she had a psychotic episode. you don't just shrug off things like this. you don't sit in a psychiatric ward for ten years after that, waiting to be let out and jump on the first chance of making yourself useful for your abuser. you don't set aside the relationships with the children he had hurt and he had made you hurt to devote yourself fully to your damn abuser. someone take this poor woman out of this Stockholm syndrome relationship.

at this point Touya not being allowed to die is the worst offence, because the survival wasn't granted to him to heal. it was given to him for the singular purpose of making Endeavor look slightly less bad. Enji never even talks about failing to save Touya (and neither is Shouto allowed to). if you wanted to save him, then him being stuck immobile and isolated from the world with only months left to live is not 'the time Shouto gave us with him' it's a failure. he's not your damn pet, why is the narrative making him into one?

Touya had wanted to die. Shouto points this out, Touya himself talks about it. Enji was the one who didn't want him to die. he also didn't want to die himself. somehow, his desire is the only one that is fulfilled, while even Shouto's dream of eating soba with his older brother goes ignored.

and afterwards? Enji happily moves on from this with the new family he had found for himself, while Touya's childhood desire of his family looking at him is fulfilled in the most grotesque way possible. and the family's dream of having a home away from Endeavor? not a chance lmao

[zapreportsblog]

❝my child❞

✭ pairing : poly lost boys x reader

✭ fandom : the lost boys

✭ summary : (y/n) is a vampire and a member of the Lost Boys, a powerful gang of biker vampires who control Santa Carla's boardwalk. Despite her immortal nature, Y/N yearns for the impossible dream of having children, much like human women. Her fixation shifts to a lone traveler, whom she believes is destined to be the child of her and the Lost Boys, setting the stage for a unique and unconventional tale of desire and destiny in the vampire underworld.

✭ authors note : ooh aged down star here and I think ima start writing for something other then twilight because no offense twilights taking up my page 😂 I’m not just a twilight franchise writer, I write for various movies, tv shows and series

✭ the lost boys masterlist

The Santa Carla boardwalk was bustling with life as (Y/N) walked hand in hand with her four vampire companions: Marko, Paul, Dwayne, and David. They were known as the Lost Boys, the notorious group of nocturnal creatures that ruled the night in this coastal town. For (Y/N), they were more than just companions; they were her mates, her official but unofficial husbands in the eyes of their vampiric society.

As they strolled among the neon lights, a sense of melancholy crept over her. Children ran by, laughter and joy emanating from their every move. Parents watched over them with love and pride, and the longing in (Y/N)'s heart deepened. She knew that as a vampire, she could never experience the joy of parenthood. Vampires couldn't reproduce, and that realization weighed heavily on her.

(Y/N) glanced at her boys beside her, their immortal beauty accentuated by the boardwalk lights. Their existence was eternal, but it was also devoid of the simple pleasures of human life. While they didn't age, they were forever frozen in time, unable to grow, change, or have children of their own. A pang of sadness washed over her as she wished for something she could never have.

Later that night, as they returned to their hidden lair deep in the cliffs overlooking the Pacific, (Y/N) nestled herself in the makeshift nest of blankets and pillows. She was wrapped up tightly, seeking comfort from the emotional storm brewing within her. Unbeknownst to her, the Lost Boys could feel her emotions, her sadness radiating like a palpable energy in the room.

Dwayne, always the most observant of the group, spoke up. "Did anyone else notice (Y/N) unusual behavior today on the boardwalk?" His voice was soft but laced with concern.

David, the leader of the Lost Boys, nodded. "Yes, I did. She seemed...distressed."

Marko and Paul exchanged glances, equally troubled by the apparent sadness in their mate's heart. "You think she's craving something?" Paul asked, voicing the thought that lingered in all their minds.

Dwayne sighed, running a hand through his dark hair. "It's possible. She was watching the children and their families."

David's eyes darkened as he considered the implications. They all knew that satisfying this desire wouldn't be easy. They couldn't simply snatch a random child, not only because it would be cruel but also because it would anger (Y/N) beyond measure.

"We need to find a way to make her happy," David said finally. "We owe it to her. She's given up so much to be with us."

Marko nodded in agreement. "Let's figure this out, together. (Y/N) deserves our best efforts."

Paul chimed in, determination in his voice. "We can't give her a child, but maybe we can find something else that will fill that void in her heart."

As the boys huddled together, their bond as strong as ever, they were united by a single goal: to bring happiness to the woman they cherished above all else, even if it meant navigating the complex emotions of parenthood they could never truly understand.

The night was still young, and only a few hours remained until the dreaded sunrise. The boys knew they had to act quickly to address the longing that had gripped their mate, (Y/N). With determined hearts, they mounted their motorcycles and rode down to Max's store on the boardwalk. The neon lights of Santa Carla painted the night in an eerie glow as they approached the familiar establishment.

Maria, Max's human employee, greeted them with a warm smile as they entered the store. "Hey, boys. Max is in his office."

The boys nodded in thanks and headed toward Max's office. They didn't waste any time with pleasantries when they walked in, their faces etched with worry and anxiety.

Max, reclined in his office chair, raised an eyebrow at their seemingly disrespectful entrance. "What's got you all so riled up?" he asked, his tone tinged with annoyance.

David stepped forward, his voice steady but full of concern. "Max, we need your advice and assistance. (Y/N) is going through something, and we don't know how to help her."

Max leaned back, his curiosity piqued. "Go on."

David took a deep breath and explained the situation. "Our mate wants a baby, Max. She's been feeling this emptiness, a desire that we can't fulfill. We can't just take someone's child; that's not who we are."

Max nodded thoughtfully, steepling his fingers. "It's not uncommon for a female vampire to experience these feelings from time to time," he mused. "Left unchecked, it can become problematic."

Marko, his anxiety growing, couldn't help but speak up. "So what do you suggest we do?"

Max regarded them with a knowing look. "Santa Carla is teeming with runaways and lost souls, boys. Finding an unsuspecting victim on the streets should not be a challenge. It would be a temporary solution to ease her pain."

The boys shifted uncomfortably in their seats, the weight of Max's suggestion settling on their consciences. It was a dark and morally questionable path, one they had always tried to avoid.

But as the seconds ticked away, they realized they were running out of time to make a decision. The coming dawn reminded them of their own immortality and the fleeting nature of the night.

"Thank you, Max," David said, gratitude in his eyes. "We'll consider it."

Max nodded and leaned back in his chair. "Remember, boys, sometimes the choices we make for the ones we love aren't easy."

With that, the boys left Max's office, the weight of their decision heavy on their shoulders. They knew they had to find a way to bring happiness to (Y/N), but at what cost? The night held its secrets, and they had a long, dark road ahead of them.

The next night, the boys and their mate, (Y/N), found themselves once again on the bustling Santa Carla boardwalk. (Y/N) leaned against Dwayne, her head resting on his shoulder, as they walked in sync with the rhythmic ebb and flow of the crowd.

David, always watchful, scanned the surroundings, his eyes darting from person to person. (Y/N) noticed his vigilant demeanor and furrowed her brows. "Is everything okay, David?" she asked, concern lacing her voice.

Paul, never one to hide the truth from (Y/N), stepped forward, his voice gentle but firm. "We need to tell you something, (Y/N). Max suggested a solution to your...desires. David is likely keeping an eye out for a child."

(Y/N)'s expression shifted from curiosity to a deep frown. She gave Paul a sad smile and shook her head. "You don't have to do that, boys. I appreciate your efforts, but we don't need to..."

Her words were cut short as she suddenly stopped walking. A bewildered look crossed the faces of the boys as they watched her go silent. Concern etched lines into their brows as they approached her.

"What's wrong, (Y/N)?" Dwayne asked softly.

Her gaze was distant, her senses focused on something they couldn't perceive. "Do you hear that?" she whispered, her voice barely audible over the din of the boardwalk.

The boys exchanged puzzled glances. "Hear what?" Marko questioned.

"My child," (Y/N) said, her voice quivering with emotion. "It's calling out to me."

With newfound determination, (Y/N) moved quickly through the crowd, following an invisible pull that only she could sense. The boys exchanged glances again, realization dawning upon them.

"Guess the hunt's on," David remarked, and they followed her, careful not to lose sight of her in the bustling crowd.

As they ventured deeper into the night, they lost sight of (Y/N) for a moment. Anxiety gripped them until, finally, she reappeared with a bright smile that illuminated her face. She held the hand of a young girl, no more than seven or eight years old, with big, innocent eyes.

"Boys, meet Star," (Y/N) said, her eyes shining with happiness. "She wants to hang with us tonight. Is that alright?"

The boys gazed at the child, their hearts heavy with the weight of their decision. But when they saw the genuine joy in (Y/N)'s eyes, they couldn't deny her this moment of happiness.

"Yeah, baby, she can hang," Paul said with a reassuring smile, and then the rest of the boys welcomed Star into their nocturnal world, hoping that this newfound connection would bring solace to (Y/N) and fill the void that had haunted her for so long.

[notroosterbradshaw]

slow dancing in a burning room - six

word count: 5.5k

warnings: nsfw 18+, smut, language, angst.

part of: The Boyfriend Experience universe

a/n: well, they're broken. it's unceremonious and it's real and they're hurting so deeply, coping in ways only they know... the wrong way. You're here to meet Bad Choice Bradley, I presume? I hope you enjoy it. thanks to those who read, reblogged and commented on previous chapters. you’re doing god’s work. I truly appreciate all the effort you make to show your support and if you like it… please comment and reblog it! x

five.two

“Rooster,” Annie smiled before him, Ava strapped to her chest in her baby carrier sleeping peacefully.

Bradley felt his poor, old heart sink because he’d done so well to now avoiding you and your family since everything blew the fuck up in your relationship. It was a small town and the more you tried to avoid someone, the more likely they were to cross your path. “Ann,” he gave a slight smile. “How you doin'?”

“Morning coffee brings me back to life after a rough night,” she reported. “Not on base today? Look at the beard,” you said, fondly as he realised Annie didn't have a clue. 

“No,” he bit back the sour taste in his mouth. Obviously you’d not told your family about his pending trial… and in a way, he guessed he was thankful. It probably brought a certain amount of embarrassment to you, if he thought about it truthfully, given Viper and the respect he still commanded at work and from the locals. You didn’t need his bullshit on your shoulders. "Few more weeks to myself. Just finished my run,” he said even though it appeared the most obvious thing in the world. Shorts, runners, Navy tank glued to him, sweating from top to toe from morning humidity.

He just wanted to get his coffee and head home to shower. He should have just forgone the fucking caffeine. He had a perfectly good coffee machine at home for Christ’s sake. He cursed the fact you introduced him to this coffee shop and he knew, eventually he’d see you here, but he’d been so smart. He knew your work schedule and now, he was always the first in line when he knew your first classes for the day were clocking over. He was no dummy - sure, he had his moments when his head was stuck up his ass, but caffeine was his drug of choice and after you’d secretly revealed to him the best in the town and he was addicted.  “Lucky. You just missed her…” Annie told him softly, nodding off in the direction towards work... his villa was in the opposite direction and taunting him and his poor choices.

He hummed, unreadable. “Did I?”  He was pleased with the relief that washed over him. It was such a non-committal response and he knew he owed Annie so much better. Annie wasn't the cause of his recurring cycle of problems. But shit, he was so good at making his problems... everyone’s.

“Loves her morning coffee,” Annie waved her reusable cup towards him, and gee, it was so awkward. Rooster nodded, pleased that he wasn’t the only uncomfortable one in this conversation. Even Annie, usually outgoing, funny Annie, seemed completely out of character with her current word vomit.

And though he was desperate to, he would not ask after you because he knew there was no way you could feel as awful as he did but he forced it out anyway. “How is she, Annie?” he tried to hide the sadness in his voice, but it was impossible. He was so desperate to catch even the slightest whisper about you - whether it was Annie, Phoenix or any other mutual acquaintances. The radio silence was quietly killing him.

After a beat, Annie replied warily, “A wreck. Not that she’d ever let us know. We’re not seeing hell a lot of her so that kind of speaks for itself, I guess. Or it's exactly what she wants, I don't know," she rambled because Bradley could see Annie didn't know what to do to help you, and that hurt him more. The frustration in the air was paramount. The people you were once closest to now the one furthest at arm's length and he knew that was because of him.

“Right,” he replied, forcing a lack of interest in his voice. He didn’t want to sound emotional that you were upset, but he certainly didn’t want to feel sad for you for the decision that you made. Bradley needed you to know that you were feeling the way you were feeling for what you decided to drag you both through. He wanted to work things out, he didn't want either of you to be hurting like this - “Sorry to hear that.” He shrugged, knowing how cold it sounded and the surprise on Annie's face telling the story. What the fuck else was he supposed to say?

All the texts he'd sent bounced, and he knew you'd blocked him - what was the use of calling? He considered sending flowers, champagne, fucking skywrite if it got your attention, but all his desperate ways for your attention would fall on deaf ears. And as desperate as he was to go to you, knock on your door and hold you until reason came back into that smart brain of yours, he knew for now, you simply needed your time. He just hoped it wasn't forever.

“So... how are you?” Annie asked, welcomingly changing the subject.

He shrugged, sipping his coffee. He didn't feel like admitting he was about to head home, shower and see his JAG. It just didn't feel like it could roll off his tongue properly without the rest of his life crashing around him. He’d been so good to protect his façade and damn, he lied so easily. It was his most hated personality trait and he wished he could stop it, but sometimes it was just easier. “PT,” he lied, but he knew fully well Annie didn’t care for his physical recovery - she had good intentions but he knew she wanted to pry into his convoluted, messed up brain, see if he was as tragically missing her sister, if he was as tormented as you were. 

Dissect and get into the deepest, darkest crevices. 

But Bradley would never tell. There were enough people trying to get in there as it was. And right now he wasn’t going to give anyone the benefit of that bullshit. That hurt stayed with him, no matter the cost. It motivated him, got him through the day to be better, stronger, harder and he wasn't letting his guard down for anyone, not Annie, not Phoenix, not Mav.

Not you. No one.

“That’s fantastic,” she said as Ava wriggled against her, waking. “I’m glad for you, Rooster,” Annie bobbed to settle the little one, whining and probably ready for her morning feed. "You need your head in the clouds."

If that ever happened again.

“She got big,” Rooster said, keenly changing the subject and turning his attention to Ava. He reached for her her little hand and Ava wrapped her chubby little palm against his pointer. Bradley knew even if kids weren't in his future, the future he had quietly hoped to share with you, this was a cute kid and it only reminded him of you when you were playing World’s Greatest Aunty and putting the idea in his head that maybe… yeah, he could get the family he always wanted with you. It was going to take more to desensitise himself, he realised. 

“They do that,” Annie said, with a gentle smile. “Way too quickly. I feel like she's minutes away from rolling, crawling, and then up and walking out to college."

And Rooster laughed, because there was Annie, the Annie he grew up with. They both needed that little break in the terse. "I hope not that fast," he gently pressed a kiss on Ava's knuckles and loosened his finger, free again.

"Well, I’d better get her home for some food and start our day. Good to see you, Rooster,” she gave him a small smile. “If you need anything, call me, okay? Don’t be a stranger.”

Bradley did the cordial thing and nodded. “Will do. See ya around, Annie," he said, not waiting for a dragged out goodbye and heading in the other direction. He had a house to start bringing back to life even if he had fallen apart in every other way.

It had been about month since you and Bradley… yeah. Since then. Things had been fairly busy for you, you’d stayed to yourself, regardless of nagging from your family, some other friends who wanted to claim your time now you were single again and, of course, Natasha. She was shipping out in a few days and wanted to have a drink but the last place you’d be caught dead at was The fucking Hard Deck. Reassuring everyone you were good, or okay, was next to useless. No one believed you anyway.  

You'd kept yourself busy. The apartment needed to be unpacked again, with no time like the present, a perfect time to purge and it felt so much better in your small part of the world that you’d rid yourself of those little things you simply didn’t need anymore. Clothes, kitchenwares, changed up the orientation of the bedroom, indulging and confusing yourself with feng shui and vastu shastra on household karma/good vibes among other things. 

But you really did feel lighter. You built a cute study nook for your business stuff. You and Bradley had planned to use one of the rooms in the Bradshaw place, giving you more time to work from home, instead of staying later after classes to do your never-ending small business accounting.

But that wasn’t the case now and you had all the time in the world.

“Fuck, Nat. Stop,” you muttered to yourself, scarfing down some leftovers for dinner. It was late and frankly, you had little to no interest in heading out, even if it was to a venue of your choice. You had to give Natasha credit: she was trying so hard to release you from your self-imposed imprisonment. You know what you were up for - 20 questions about how you were coping. You'd be lying to say you weren't worried about his impending trial and were curious to reach out. But it probably would just distract him and he didn’t need that. You were sure it was this week or next. 

Maybe you would get Grandpa to contact Bradley? 

But as far as you were concerned, Bradley seemed to be doing just fine. Like you’d agreed, you didn’t need each other anyway. Besides, he hadn't contacted you - and you hadn't let him after yep, taking the high road and blocking him. Maybe he needed this more than you did, you tried to reason with yourself. A guy like him didn't deserve to be tied down with someone who had the baggage you did. He deserved better. 

You tossed your fork on the plate, suddenly not hungry for the stir fry you were desperate for only minutes earlier although the need to get tiddly didn't sound terrible at all.

Enjoying his quiet drink, Rooster knew his time was running out as Phoenix sidled her way to him, a fair smile on her face. Unreadable, and God, he hated that. “Didn’t know you were coming out tonight,” she commented, as she put two beers on Payback’s tab, placing one before Bradley. 

She followed his gaze to the pretty woman across the bar, making pathetic doe eyes and suggestive overtones with her beer bottle and tongue. Natasha would never get used to it. And sadly, Rooster seemed pretty into it, for what she could gather. “Know her?” Phoenix asked as Rooster’s lip quirked and he stumbled to find an undefined answer.

Truth be told, yeah. Rooster did know her. Not super well, but well enough to remember how into him she seemed as she led him back to her place last week, the first person he’d fucked since… and, he supposed, it was fine. It was good, she was eager to please and she had zeroed in on him the minute he walked in last week and again tonight. Rooster didn’t generally put his boots under the same bed twice, but he lately wasn’t feeling particularly fussy. He did ask himself if there was a supposed grieving period for how long he should probably wait before getting into the game again but his brain (and Hangman) told him what he needed to hear.

Fuck her. 

“Oh, Rooster, no. You slept with her?” Natasha asked, the disappointment dripped from her voice and Bradley felt about three feet tall.

“Oh, fuck this,” he bemoaned. “She broke up with me, I have to be celibate too?” he asked. It seemed so rehearsed and he didn't lie but he knew the shit he was going to cop for spending time with any woman that wasn’t you. 

Natasha sighed. “No, I guess not.” 

“Believe it or not, I can fuck who and when I want, Phoenix,” he gruffly reminded her. "You don't get to dictate."

“No, you’re right,” she agreed. Who was she to argue? She was desperate for her friends to get over this little ‘blip’, but seeing you separately and the hurt you’d both caused each other, she began to wonder if this blip as she'd hopefully referred to is as was really the end of what could have been the best thing that happened to both of you. 

You were no longer a couple. Rooster had moved into his parents' old place alone and seemed to be enjoying taking to it with a sledgehammer. You were doing your usual MO when things went sour – you didn’t answer calls, and rarely responded to texts before anyway. You were working and looking at growing the business, so it was the best excuse in the books not to come to the bar, a surefire way of making sure she didn’t pump into Bradley.

“I can’t see him, Nat. He was the love of my life. And not being able to touch him, kiss him, laugh with him? It would just kill me,” you had told her sadly, week’s earlier when Natasha came over unannounced and sporting Thai food and rosé. 

“What is so fucking funny is that I keep hearing how badly she is doing, yet no one gives a flying fuck that maybe, just maybe, I’m going through it too," Bradley muttered, Natasha surprise crossing her face as he continued, "Nat, we were moving in together. But it’s over now,” he poured what was left of his beer down his throat, knowing that coming out tonight was not his wisest idea. Bad Choice Bradley was bubbling in his bloodstream and frankly, he didn't mind if he escaped. He was so sick of doing everything by the rules, but where had that gotten him? Absolutely no-fucking-where. Jobless and Loveless. “And for the record?” he hissed purposefully to Natasha. “I was in that fuckin’ relationship too. I didn't call time.” 

“Okay, okay,” she said softly. “I’m sorry. You’re right. You’re wholeheartedly allowed to feel that way. We just don’t see you… as down about it,” she used her words carefully.

“It was weeks ago,” he sniped.

“It wasn’t that long - ”

“Jesus, Phoenix. She was the fucking love of my life,” he hissed. "I wanted to work this out. She blocked my number, she wants nothing to do with me."

Natasha held her palm towards his chest but didn’t dare touch him, she could feel the heat, the anger reverberating off him. “Okay, I agree. I’m sorry, I know you’re hurting, buddy. And I’ve let you down.”

He frowned and paused. “What are you talking about?” 

“This isn’t just the breakup, Rooster,” Natasha said, adjusting her posture to stand with him and continuing before she could let up. “Everything has been a bit of a shitstorm. Your past is always following you around, you were part of a suicide mission that almost got you killed and now you’re waiting for trial and I should have been doing more to make sure you were okay with that."

And for the moment, Bradley was silenced and frown in reply.

"Are you still seeing the shrink?”

He huffed out a breath, replacing his beer eagerly with the one Natasha had slid towards him. He didn’t need this holier-than-thou bullshit where Natasha got to try and save him to be really honest. He just gazed back at her, now unreadable. 

“Isn’t it mandatory?” she pressed lightly. “You should really be talking to someone – ”

“I’m still going, I’m hating it. If I don’t get clearance from the shrink, I never get in my jet again regardless of how the trial plays itself out. Satisfied?” he rolled his eyes. “See ya later, Phoenix,” he said, leaving his her side and heading over to his new friend, who greeted him with a tender kiss on the side of his mouth, and while he wasn’t repulsed, you used to do that to him, and he didn’t like it half as much as he used to.

“Didn’t think you were going to come over and say hi, Rooster.”

“I’m here with friends,” he admitted, whom he’s just ditched to come over here and line up an easy lay for the night. 

“You wanna dance?”

He nodded, a small grin gracing his features that didn’t quite make it to his eyes. “Yeah, lemme hit the bathroom first really quick, okay?” 

“Sure,” she smiled as he grasped her forearm, gave the easy smoulder and disappeared. And she, with the name he couldn’t recall (but really wanted to), devotedly followed moments later. Messy, unplanned bar head wasn’t on his bingo card for the night, but he’d surely take it. He tried to be surprised when she cornered him into the stall and undid the few top buttons on her shirt, her breasts brushing against his chest as she groped his half-hard cock and played with the zip on his jeans before letting her soft, warm palm slide beneath his boxer briefs. His breathing immediately shallow because her hand was better than his hand and she sank to her knees and licked her lips, she didn't give an ounce of hesitation to take him deep.

He guessed he never really had to work hard to get what he wanted. 

And he couldn’t hate himself more for it, because he compared everything to you. The way your big, beautiful eyes would peer up at him, begging for reassurance you were pleasing him, giving everything he deserved and more, your delicate strands he’d mess his long fingers into… it wasn’t the same but he came deep in the back of her throat that she swallowed and tidied up devoutly and he kind of wanted to be sick. But as she did that thing with her tongue, he wanted to cum so badly, as she gripped his thighs to keep her balance, he regarded her, knowing this wasn’t a woman he could fall in love with. He would only ever love one woman and right now, she wanted nothing to do with him. 

He shook the notion from his head, concentrating on how silky her tongue caressed the head of his cock and remembered this didn’t happen all the time and to enjoy it as he thrust into her face, closing his eyes and imagining you again, getting him over the line as he knotted his fingers in her hair and fucked her face. Seeing you and those pretty sounds you’d make gagging on his cock, deep as you possibly could and what you couldn’t, pumping in your delicate palms. 

He grunted as he came in wild spurts down her throat until he was spent and watched as she tidied him up, sweetly placing his softening dick back in his boxers and pulling his jeans back into place, sweetly caressing his throbbing groin. 

With a quiet laugh, he helped her to her feet, cupping her chin a little rough. "You didn't need to do that, you know?"

"No," she agreed. "But you tasted so good time, I couldn't wait for more."

Bradley blushed, mostly ashamed. He certainly had nothing to be proud about. “I’ll be right out…” he said to her and she nodded and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her lipstick was improper, her hair was well and truly a mess. Just how he liked it… if it was you. And he knew she would run out to tell her friends exactly what had happened, darting out alone.

Rooster looked at himself in the mirror, taking in his reflection and rubbed his tired face. “Who the fuck are you, Bradshaw?” he accused himself. He took a deep breath, ran his hands under the cool water, washed his palms then splashed some water on his flushed face. “Jesus,” he muttered to himself before inhaling sharply and straightening up. 

“Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck,” Natasha muttered to herself as Bob caught wind of her strife and looked up from his peanuts, concerned for his friend. "Fuckkk."

“What’s up, partner?” he asked, perplexed. She lifted her phone and the text you’d just sent. “Oh,” Bob said, adjusting his glasses, a trait he did constantly as he grew nervous. “That is… that is not good.” 

“No…” Natasha agreed, casting her gaze to find Rooster, but he was nowhere to be found. “Shit.” 

Rooster had spotted his new friend with her group and gave a slight nudge towards the exit when she caught his eye. Excitedly, she gave a wink back as her friends gave her teasing words of encouragement but Rooster didn’t care. He just needed to get out of there. 

The bar was stifling and he didn’t feel like Phoenix’s third degree on his life choices anymore. He wasn’t a dickhead – he was well aware he was making poor decisions. Bad Choice Bradley. But this wasn’t his first one lately, and it certainly wouldn’t be his last.

Darting through the throng of officers and civilians, he made a beeline for the door, thrusting it open, and he’d be lying to say in his frustration, there was some heat and malice behind it.

“Jesus, goddammit,” the voice hissed on the other side, the heavy door hitting a patron on the other side trying to enter. Rooster tried to catch them, almost knocking them to the ground in the process and he couldn't believe his dumb luck that it was you who were on the other side as he tried to phantom his escape. You skipped backwards quickly as Rooster yanked the door back, trying to stop its force. His face paled when he realised just who it was he’d almost knocked off their feet.

He whispered your name, and you’d swear you had seen a ghost. “Shit, I’m so fuckin' sorry," he said, the recognition all over his face as he took you in, scared and studying you.

"Shit," you muttered. Bradley could hear the pain in your voice, whether it was through injury or just disgruntled, he couldn't be sure. “Hey,” you said nervously. This was not how you wanted to see him for the first time since you’d broken up. 

“I was just leaving,” he explained, reminding you the door had walloped you in the elbow and you rubbed it in recollection, a gentle thrum from its impact. He looked back over his shoulder. “Shit, I’m so sorry,” he said again. He so badly wanted to reach out and kiss your injury better. The injury he caused, and he loathed himself for it. “How bad I get you?” he asked softly, taking a step closer. 

Before he got closer, you closed in on yourself and covered the sting in your elbow with a step or two. “It’s fine, Brad – Rooster. It’s no worries,” you reassured him, flippantly. Your body language told him everything he needed to know. He was flatlining. 

He nodded slowly, saddened at how you recoiled from him. "You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm sure."

“Okay. Sorry, huh?” 

“It’s fine really,” you said as a pretty young thing wandered out. She joined Bradley on his hip and you didn’t miss how her hand curved into his elbow and how his face changed, the guilt masking his handsome features. She looked back at you both expectedly. 

“Ready to go, Rooster?” she asked as he paused, gauging your response. He knew his timing was about as bad as it could be. 

And yep, it looked exactly as it looked. 

“Yeah. I’ll be just a minute,” he said, the embarrassment etched all over his skin as he ripped out your heart and toyed with it in his beautiful hands before you. His ears reddened and he licked his lips as she wandered away, calling back over her shoulder when she’d reached his Bronco. Well, she knew his car, maybe this wasn’t as new as it looked. 

Yep, it looked exactly as it looked. 

You’d thank Natasha personally for the warning in a moment - she probably wouldn't like it though. “Friend of yours?” you figured trying to balance your tone. Who were you to get upset at him? To Bradley Bradshaw, you were no one and that was what hurt the most.

“Something like that,” he admitted quietly. 

Maybe you didn’t need that drink Nat promised. You needed Penny to drown you in the top shelf. “Nat’s waiting for me,” you explained to him. “Have a good night, Rooster,” you told him as he reluctantly pulled the door open for you to scurry under his strong, golden arm and get lost in the Friday night throng. He watched after you until he lost you.

Rooster ran his clammy palm over his face, he felt ill as he stepped away from the door. He wanted to be sick, he knew exactly how pathetic he looked. Why the fuck didn’t Natasha tell him you were coming? He would have hauled ass ages ago and without incident. He pulled his phone out and threw a brutal one-liner at her about giving him a head’s up next time and made his way to his car, where his friend/date/hook up/whoever was waiting with a bright grin. 

“Thought you were gonna ditch me,” she laughed lightly, he could hear the uncertainty in her voice. 

“Look, I’m really sorry, but I’m not feeling too well right now, and I have a real early start tomorrow morning. Think we could take a rain check?” he asked, keeping a safe distance from her. She raised an eyebrow.

“You sure? Five minutes ago, you seemed really fucking into that blowjob in the bathroom,” she hissed at hime. And it was fine head, her lipstick was still smudged on his cock, he would always be appreciative of anyone giving him their best. But again, it wasn’t your pretty lips, nose desperately trying to nuzzle the soft hair at his happy trail, staring up at him like he possessed all the stars in the sky. God, he was truly beginning to hate himself and he missed your mouth, however smart it was, wrapped around his cock, giving him an earful... kissing him.

He shook his head dismally. “Look, I can’t do this, okay? M’sorry,” he unlocked the car, hopped into the driver’s seat and keyed the ignition, peeling out of the carpark to the allotment of insults and birds being hurled his way. It would be some time before he decided to venture back to The Hard Deck, which was probably best.

And deservingly so, he reminded himself. He'd take a few weeks off from the bar, he’d been through this before. Never go back to the scene of the crime, especially after one-night stands. He knew better, but it all seemed so easy tonight until you were before him and ruined everything. 

He pulled into a car park, the ocean bustling before him and he sat for a moment, his palms latched onto the steering wheel, his knuckles white as the adrenaline of the night coursed through his veins. Taught and teetering, he stared out to the ocean, needing answers to all the questions in his messed up brain.

God, you looked so beautiful. You had done something different to your hair, not a lot, just subtle, but he noticed it, the scent of his favourite perfume, it was so ridiculously expensive but it was the only real fancy thing you afforded yourself even if you used it sparingly, that drifted off you and enveloped him. He remembered it on his pillows, it lasted for the week until the sheets were changed. 

But your eyes… They told the story. Seeing each other was a shock to the system, but you just looked so upset when… fuck, whatever her name was made her presence known. Getting his phone from his pocket, he sighed and found your last texts to each other. 

It was all so sweet. 

You: I love you, big boy. Hurry home to me xxx

Bradley: Love you too. Lemme finish up and I’ll be right there x 

He ignored the subsequent texts he tried to send that all bounced back. Now it all seemed like another world and another time.

“So, yeah, that was fun,” you told Natasha as she gave Penny the signal to keep lining the shots up. 

“You okay, darlin’ heart?” Penny asked sadly. Not that she wanted to pry, but Live had asked her to keep an eye on you if and when she could and she didn’t know if your mother was really wanting to see how brokenhearted you were.

“I’m awful,” you confided, voice strong but powerful because if you didn’t talk about this, you’d sink into another one of those solitary states where you wallowed in the misery of your broken heart, you were going to explode. “I have ruined the best thing that has happened to me then I get to see him take a one-night stand home.”

In no world would Natasha tell you this wasn’t their first hook-up and tossed back one of the lined up shots to avoid putting her foot in her mouth. “He’s slipped back into old habits,” Natasha shuddered as the tequila burned. She wasn’t defending him, but it was what it was as Penny made some polite excuses to continue working. “He a fucking moron, all dudes are the same. Easy pussy, get their dicks wet. They should all be lobotomised," she raised her shot and you, Natasha and Penny whipped the shots back.

But Rooster Bradshaw owed you absolutely nothing. And he proved he knew it too.

“He talked to me like a stranger. He’s never spoken to me like that in thirty years.”

“What do you mean?”

“Has he said he’s missed me or anything?” you asked, sadly and as Natasha prepared to answer, you dismally added, “I’ve ruined everything because I was scared about all the wrong things. Nat, I’ve messed this up and I don’t know what to do to fix it.”

She nodded but she heard what she heard. “…do you want to fix it?”

“I can’t function without him. I am just bumbling along, missing him while he is recovering alone. He's about to stand trial... he needs support,” and you know fully well that Natasha, Penny, Mav and others had Bradley's back but you also knew there were only a few people he'd truly let help him. “Will you still be here for the trial?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be here… I’m a witness. It’s the day after tomorrow.”

“Can you tell me how it goes?”

She nodded. “Of course.” 

“I can’t believe I gave all this up.”

She nodded. “I hate seeing you hurting like this.” Both of you, she wanted to add.

“Does he talk about me?” you asked quietly.

Phoenix sighed, she didn’t want to get into this. Anything he’d ever told her was done so in confidentiality. And while you were her great friend, he was too. Rooster didn't have many confidants. "I - "

“Natasha. Does Bradley want to fix us?” you raised your eyes, and Natasha saw the tears that threatened to spill. 

“I don’t know,” she admitted. Only hours before he was talking about his latest conquest. She saw that woman follow him into the bathrooms but she had no idea where her friend stood, even if she knew you two were so much better together. She could tell you how angry about it he was. But there was no way that was going to help the situation even if she was desperate to say or do anything that could possibly help.

You shrugged and took another shot. “Whatever, he’s clearly moved on and I will just have to accept that. Another round?" you asked, a casual frown gracing your features and Natasha nodded.

"One more," she loaded the bar up and couldn’t imagine being in her plane tomorrow if this was how the night was going to go. 

masterlist.

Big thanks as always to @gretagerwigsmuse for helping me get this fic over this line x

A/N: the tag list no longer exists. To keep up to date, give @notroosterbradshaw-library a follow x

[thegreengnome]

Can you please write a fic where a lord tries to win over Aemond’s betrothed because he thinks nobody would want someone like Aemond but she immediately rejects him and tells him that she owes Aemond which he overhears.

Fandom – House of the Dragon

Word Count - 626

Pairing – Aemond Targaryen X Reader

Warnings – Very oc Aemond Targaryen

NOTE- I hope this is okay! I'm sorry if Aemond is very occ but i do think given the chance of 'love' he would act very different then we have previous seen from him.

Aemond is a Targaryen prince, a member of the royal family, and a dragon rider. He knew he was better than most in this room yet he could not help but twitch in agitation at the sight Infront of him.

Y/N L/N glided beautifully around the grand hall. Her hair floated after her in an almost halo effect. She truly looked ethereal. The man Infront of her on the other hand looked like he could be Vhagar's next meal.

Aemond's betrothed had only been at court for two moons but Aemond already knew she was his, and his alone.

During their first meeting his lady did not flinch nor gasp at the sight of his face as most ladies of the court had done. No, she had curtsied and smiled prettily up at him. Earnest in her chance to get to know her future husband.

He often found her waiting for him in the great library. The maester acting as a chaperone to the unmarried pair. Y/N would bring her recommendations to him expressing her interest in her latest find while he quietly observed her.

The way her fingers would follow along with the words, gently touching the pages so not to damage them. Her mouth quirking ever so slightly at an amusing or befuddling line, turning the page towards him to share in her merriment.

He had truly never felt so content before. His entire life had been built around duty and honour and this marriage was just another part of his duty. At least at first. He had known what it felt to be feared, loathed, and even hated but never loved. Perhaps he should feel love from his family – his mother at least but he knew all she felt for him was guilt. Guilt at the loss of his eye, at the lack of a loving father. He was the result of duty, much like he assumed his own children would be.

But with Y/N he felt seen. Nothing scandalous had happened between the two. Every interaction perfectly innocent.

“I’m surprised brother” the strong scent of ale and wine hit him as his older brother Aegon leaned his head down “if my women danced with another then that person that dared touch her would no longer have hands”

Aegon rarely said anything of interest to Aemond. He preferred to pretend his brother was not around, it was easier than dealing with him. But for once in his life Aegon made a point.

Ignoring the satisfied smirk on his brother’s face Aemond excused himself from the table. Approaching the dancing pair, the conversation between them became clear.

“I could give you everything he cannot” The man was lucky they were in polite company, or Infront of his mother.

Y/N abruptly stopped her movement. Her partner stumbling awkwardly to keep up. Muttering apologises to the remaining couples.

Removing herself from the embrace, Y/N moves back a polite smile on her lips. “I very much doubt that my lord” curtsying slightly Y/N leaves the startled man behind as he splutters in indignation.

Aemond had never felt like this before. This pure unadulterated joy. He started the man down as he passes. Making his way to his betrothed who had found a nearby servant no doubt to notify the royal family of her departure.

“My lady” said lady spun quickly, a hand clutched to her chest.

“My prince. You startled me” Giving the lady an apologetic smile he takes her hand in his own. Bringing it up to his lips, he gives it a quick kiss amusing himself with the blush spreading across her face.

“Would you like to dance?”

The smile he was given in response would remain in his head for some time “Of course my prince”

[romchat]

I am loving the double but I can't help feel that the main couple's relationship is so transactional, all she does is ask him to do things for her and all he does is do them. I understand the drama is about her revenge but I thought when she said she didn't want to be a burden and that she's be his pawn too she'd actually help him with his schemes she doesn't have any power but she's very smart and could certainly contribute and help. They both have bigger fish to fry and his also involves loosing his parents but he spends so much time helping her because obviously he loves her I would've liked to see her do the same even occasionally.

Anon, have you seen Episode 28 yet? This scene made me squee:

Fangfei: I've been panicking trying to figure out how to pay you back so I tried to find an excuse. I used to think I would pay you back everything I owed you. Now that I've done the math, I don't think I can. Duke Su: Don't pay me back then. Fangfei: You'll suffer losses. Duke Su: I can afford it.

Their love language is digging up dead bodies and hosting exorcisms for each other.

The ledger might be more in her favor but they clearly match each other's freak.

Although your question makes me think what would happen if they were to get married.

A key theme of The Double has been Fangfei learning to express her desires and to step into the chessmaster role she was born to play. In her previous marriage, she shrank herself to make space for her husband's career and appease her in-laws. That self-sacrifice ultimately left her with nothing more than an open grave and a shovel to the head so with the Duke she uses transactionalism to make sure the scales of their complicated relationship never tip more in his favor than hers.

But in encouraging her autonomy and putting his trust in her, Duke Su has also given her room to bloom. It's a completely different relationship than with Shen Yurong, which opens a lot of narrative possibilities around how will Fangfei's story end, especially as she has always avenged those who have helped or sacrificed for her.

Will the big cathartic moment be from her avenging herself? Or will it be from avenging the Duke and his family because his grievances are now hers? Will she ultimately have to make a trade-off between her plans and his? Or will the tradeoff really be between revenge and her own healing?

As another man's wife or companion, will she truly feel equal and at peace?

I can't believe we only have like 10 more episodes to dive into any or all of that 😭

[damn-stark]

Chapter 24 By saying something stupid like…

Chapter 24 of Sugar

A/N- Birthday post! Also sorry for what’s going to happen in this chapter ;)

Warning- Swearing, ANGST!!, FLUFF, spoilers, talks of miscarriage, SLOW BURN, heavy pining, talks of alcohol, drinking and smoking, long chapter

Pairing- Choso x Gojo!fem-reader, Suguru Geto x Gojo!fem-reader

Takes place during- Chapter 202, and the beginning portion of 208 of the Manga

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

————

You remember the day that the power that coursed through your veins changed from a running creek to raging rapids.

Like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, it was so rejuvenating! To your soul, to the very being you were. It was almost like before you came into full realization of your cursed technique you weren’t breathing, and the moment you unlocked your full capability you took breath in your lungs for the first time!

You really don’t know how you lived crippled like that for so long. You probably would have lived your entire life restricted if you had not left Satoru, home, and everything you knew. And if you never took Yuki Tsukumo’s offer.

You truly owe what you became to her. She kind of birthed you in a sense.

She wasn’t there the exact moment you were reborn, you had been separated from her and Todo and driven off the edge of a tall cliff that hung over a vicious ocean by a clan of curse users. But it was her training that accompanied you deep in the depths of the dark waters.

Breathe. Breathe…

Wait…you can’t breathe or you’ll fucking drown! So what do you do?

The waves are violent and thrashing you around making it impossible to focus, and your technique only truly works if you’re focused. So what can you do?

Die? Let this water drag you down a dark void?

It doesn’t sound so bad, it’s not like you were wanted all that much anyway. By your parents at least and by your brother who left you last year.

Suguru loves you. Nanako and Mimiko are growing to love you day by day when you talk with them on the phone. Todo tolerates you, and Yuki cares deeply for you, she wouldn’t have offered to waste her time training you or stuck around for as long as she has if she didn’t.

But you still are unwanted. So how bad can not existing be? Your lungs will fill with water and you'll cry with the need to breathe, minutes will feel like hours as you drown to death, but how could you keep cursing this world and your family by existing as a weak link?

You’ll close your eyes, and the pain won’t change as death is stealing your life, but then the weak link won't exist.

Just…keep your eyes closed…

“You are strong.”

Master?

“What they think of you doesn’t define you. You are not a weak link. You are a force to be reckoned with, never forget that.”

You open your eyes and don’t see her, you just see a school of angelfish swimming past you while her words sound in your head.

“Be the monster they think you are and never shame away from what you were given.”

As her words hit your heart and start pushing away that willingness to let yourself die, there in the distance you catch a light flicker on. It’s small but bright and it swims towards you, slowly taking shape the closer it gets.

At first, you can’t identify what it is you see coming at you, but then when it finally reaches you, you see that it’s a ball of fire, and inside it are darker flames that are shaped into a menacing figure you can’t help but admire.

“Never lose your heart, y/n.”

Never…

The ball of fire disappears proving to be a figment of your imagination to push you to ask yourself why you're letting them win so easily.

You can’t let them. You’ve been taught better, you’re stronger than that. A hundred times stronger. So what are you doing?

You have to get out and fight back.

Besides what kind of elemental manipulator would you be if you died by drowning in water you can control?

You probably only have seconds of air left in your lungs before you start gasping for more, but those seconds mean nothing now as you filter your cursed energy through the water around you, and pass it through miles of heavy water, before you pull down the water down until your head pokes out and you can breathe in fresh air again.

The group of curse users that had been after you are hastily descending the hill to finish you off or make sure you’re dead, but they don’t see you in the water because of the cloudy night. They don’t even notice the waterline at shore pulling back as if a tsunami is about to strike down. They don’t pay attention to the wind quickly picking up speed as it rushes past them.

They do feel the earth below them start to rumble when your cursed energy seeps through the ocean ground and stretches out miles you never could reach before. When they finally step off the hill they notice a fireline come to life and give light to the fact that the water is missing from shore and drawing back further out, before the flames do the impossible by crawling over the water.

The ground begins to tremble more violently to the point the earth around them is cracking, and finally, they question what's escalating. “What’s happening?” You hear one of them panic.

The wind starts to howl, and the cracks begin to glow as you leak fire through them without having them notice just yet.

“It’s her,” one of their voices trembles as they figure it out, considering that Mother Nature isn’t capable of doing what’s happening at this very moment.

“Eyes in the water!” One of them finally thinks.

And when their gazes follow the fire trail out into the water they finally spot you miles out, creepily walking out of the water that draws past you.

Fire basks your arms completely, and flames cascade down your hands to fuel the cracks spreading out like wildfire, and beautifully but menacingly mix with the gusts of air that start to swirl around your feet and gain height.

“Kill her!” One of them bellows as they point at you slowly creeping forward.

The cursed energy running out of your stomach travels throughout every inch of your body and for the first time it strikes your heart, making it jolt, and making you fear that it somehow stopped—Then again you wouldn't be standing upright or be as coherent as you are now, but you do have that sudden fear until this never before sense of power strikes your body and awakens a part of you that you didn’t know existed.

It’s so bizarre, yet it's a satisfying rush that gives new life to the very technique you were born with. Intensifying its power to its maximum degree, and changing something within you that you don’t notice yet, but the group of curse users do.

It isn’t possible, but to them, it seems that way. To them it looks like red-orange fire leaks through your eyes and burns away the very eye color you were born with to take over and settle in your eyes and show everyone who looked at you how powerful you are and how menacing you can be.

Nevertheless, they don’t scare away, they stand their ground, so you decide to play with what you just got by right away picking up the wind's speed, and then fueling the fire's intensity. You widen the cracks in the ground while also creating more. And lastly, you stop walking toward them and begin to smirk before you throw your hands up as you raise the water behind you hundreds of feet into the sky, once and for all showing your change in power.

——

That was the day everything changed for the better.

“So dismantling his domain huh?” You greet Yuki without looking back at her, you recognized her loud footsteps from the moment they started to echo as she approached.

“It’s the only way to defeat Kenjaku,” she says as she sits back on the lounging chair.

You lean over the balcony and just mindlessly watch the passing clouds in the sky with an unlit cigarette in between your fingers as you debate whether to give into your vices and prove that you’re stress goes beyond just worry for this upcoming fight, or leave the cigarette unused to prove to yourself that the thought of his sacrifice doesn’t mean a thing.

“What, you're not going to try and stop me from being stupid?” Yuki interjects shamelessly. “Or is that fight only reserved for the men you love?”

Pft!

Tsk. No.

Her words are stupid, silly.

“No,” you laugh and light the cigarette. “You’re stupid I don’t love him. He’s…” why did you hesitate? “He’s my friend. He’s a good friend.”

“Mhmm,” Yuki hums sassily as she knows you too well.

“And no,” you interject abruptly. “I won’t fight you.”

You turn around to face her and lean back against the railing.

“Because I trust you,” you continue explaining with a genuine look painted on your face. “Every move you make that day I’ll trust with my whole heart.”

The corner of her lips spread to a smile before she puts sunglasses on and leans back to relax, as usually does. It’s why people call her lazy, and even if it is partially true, the other reason is that she does a lot that people don’t see. Her times off are well deserved.

“Besides it's not like you’re planning to sacrifice yourself now are you?” You ask and draw in a short drag of your cigarette.

“Well,” Yuki slowly rolls out. “Who knows really? As much as we can plan when the time comes things change. We have to adapt to what’s thrown at us. If that means making the ultimate move then I’ll make it, no hesitation.”

You keep the cigarette in between your lips and draw in a long and deep drag now.

“Would you?” She redirects.

You leave your gaze on her for a moment before you drop your eyes to the ground and pull the cigarette out to drop the ash on the floor whilst you stay quiet even if the question needs no time to ponder over.

“If the need arises yes,” you share quietly just out of shame for one thing. “I’d much rather give my daughter and my students a chance for an easier life even if it means I’m not in it.” You sigh and pull the cigarette towards your lips. “Satori will grow up resenting me for leaving her alone, but at least she won’t be tormented by one evil.”

You expected to cry as those heartbreaking words came out of your mouth. When you think about your daughter having to live without you any other time tears never fail to well in your eyes as your heart can’t handle the agony, but right now maybe it’s the fact that you’re comforted by Yuki’s presence, or just enveloped by the seriousness of the moment, but you don’t cry. You just smoke the death stick in between your lips. So maybe that’s it too.

“And if it happens,” you add just above a whisper. “If I’m the one that dies that day…free my brother, will you?” You ask not because he’s the strongest and the sorcerer world as you know it needs him, but because your world needs him.

“Of course, that’s the plan,” she fails to understand the true meaning behind your question.

“No,” you argue and raise your head to share a pressing look. “Satori will need him. I left him in charge of her if anything happens. So please if something happens to me, get him out as quickly as you can.”

Yuki lifts her head and pushes her glasses down her nose to make sure that you see her brown eyes on you as she assures you. “I will.”

You let out a deep breath of relief and finally break away from your spot to walk behind her.

“Can I braid your hair?” You ask.

“Not if you have that cigarette lit. What if you burn my hair?” She remarks, making you pout and walk over to kill the cigarette on the ashtray before you return behind her.

“Sit up,” you command as you sanitize your hands so they don’t feel so dirty after that cigarette.

Yuki groans in protest but she lazily pushes herself up to leave you access to her long blond hair.

“You know,” you share thoughtfully while you carefully gather her hair in your hands. “When I was young, my mother always told me that doing your hair, putting on makeup, and dressing nicely was a weapon. They think of you as an accessory, she said, and that’s what gives you an advantage.” You scoff softly and start to carefully knead her hair together from the top of her head.

“I used to think she was wise, but as I grew up her words don’t hold as much inspiration anymore. They’re quite sad,” you admit. “Given she’s still at home, living a miserable life beside a man who doesn’t love her anymore.”

“Well,” Yuki sighs as she drapes one leg over the other. “Given her situation, I guess those words mean something to her. She expected you to live the same way, and wanted to share her knowledge the only way she knew how to.”

You often thought of it like that. When you were younger of course, but now, maybe it’s because of all the resentment clouding your head, but those words are terrible advice, why would she want you to live like that too?

Why wouldn’t she fight for something better for you? Sure you use your femininity to your advantage, the world dominated by men demands it, but there’s a difference between her advice and the choices you make.

“I suppose,” you whisper in comprehension. “But why wouldn’t she say, like, get all pretty if you want to, don’t do it for anyone but yourself, you know? If that makes you happy then do it.”

Yuki shrugs and mumbles, “you were raised differently.”

“Yeah, I guess we were. But I still wish I could be like, I’m hot with all the pretty getup and I’m hot without it too. And thousands of people think so too.”

“And your face is worth thousands of bucks,” Yuki adds on to your case.

You grin. “Boom! Exactly!” You exclaim and laugh softly.

“Now,” Yuki blurts with a sudden burst of energy that slightly catches you off guard since she was just so calm. “Why not let yourself love again?”

You sigh deeply through your nose, making her snicker and sit up straighter, causing her hair to slip out of your fingers.

“Hold still,” you hiss and grab her hair to yank her head back.

“I mean the guy is your type, he’s obviously head over heels for you, and you’ve grieved long enough,” she continues to say, bringing irritation to your once peaceful mind. “Plus Geto told you to find someone else, so I don’t understand your hesitance. Just jump his bones already.” She snickers cheekily.

You let her hair go this time and walk to the side of her chair to look at her with a judgy look. “Jump his bones?” You question and she laughs.

“Want me to get dirty or what?” She teases.

You roll your eyes and return to your spot to finish braiding half of her hair.

“What? Are you going to be single forever?” She follows up with another question in your silence.

“Yuki,” you mumble seriously.

“Tsk.” She flicks her wrist. “If you’re going to say it’s too soon, yeah I’m aware of when he died, but,” she goes serious, losing the lightheartedness from her tone. “You can mourn him however long you want y/n, but the truth of the matter is that he’ll still be dead.”

Your breath hitches and your irritation quickly transforms into anger.

“So why should you deny yourself something good because of it? We as sorcerers don’t have a promise of a long life you know?”

You part your lips to contradict her, but there’s some truth behind her words you don’t want to admit out loud, so instead you let your anger dwindle and bring up another fact. “You know what I’ve done…I don’t deserve any kind of kindness that love brings.”

“So what? Is he innocent?” She rebuttals. “It doesn’t matter how bloody your hands are, y/n—”

“It does to me. I don’t deserve being loved like that. Especially not by someone as good-hearted as him.” you cut her off while you collect the end of her half-braid and the rest of her hair into a ponytail.

Yuki feels you finish before you let her know and peers back to pierce her scolding glare into you. “You can’t let your fear of losing someone control you,” she says without needing you to say it. She sees it in you. “You’ll end up alone and that’s what you fear the most isn’t it?”

You part your lips, but you’re left too stunned to talk.

Behind your own protests, the fear of feeling that emptiness again terrifies you. Suguru’s death made you feel empty for so long, and losing the child you were expecting only worsened the fact. You don’t want to feel it again. So even if it means yearning forever, you told yourself that you won’t put yourself through that again, and you won’t put anyone through that pain either.

You don’t get to tell Yuki that though because someone with light and bare footsteps approaches the balcony. And neither of you need to look back to know that it’s Tengen.

“Well if it isn’t you, Star killer,” you greet them spitefully.

Tengen hums and walks around Yuki and you, to be able to see your faces.

“You know,” they interject calmly. “Ever since you’ve gotten here all you’ve ever given me is judgment. That’s a lot coming from a woman who’s drowning in the blood of hundreds of people.”

You focus on one set of eyes and narrow your gaze as you press a hand on your hip.

They probably expected you to fold over in grief, but you instead chuckle. You genuinely laugh. Which doesn’t stun Tengen.

“Yes, I am,” you admit with a hint of smugness and no hesitation or an ounce of remorse. You’ve felt bad before, but that was long ago and has long been resolved when you chose your path in life and decided to not live in regret out of fear of hating yourself.

That’s why you’re smug and certain with every word. “I embraced evil. I’m a monster. I accept it and I don’t regret what I did. We’re sides of the same coin, so I don’t judge you for that, I don’t hate you for that. You failed to save my friend, and you wanted to kill my mentor. That’s why I hate you.” You smile sweetly.

“And yet you’re here,” they point out the damn obvious.

You nod stiffly. “You have the door to open my brother's prison. Helping you could mean saving the Jujutsu world as we know it, of course, I’m here. You’re not planning to kill me, are you? An act of justice?”

Tengen scoffs and drops their head. “No,” they say. “You’re my guard. And I, unlike you, don't judge.”

You huff and feign a smile before you lean towards one side to then walk over and sit beside Yuki to lay back and rest too.

“What do you want, Tengen?” Yuki questions their presence. “We’ve brainstormed all we needed to for today.”

Tengen softly claps their hands and a creepy smile spreads on their pale rectangular face. “I've come to invite you both to a nice bar date the night after tomorrow. I’ve already let the Death painting womb—.”

“Choso,” you correct them. “His name is Choso. He’s going to risk his life for you, you might as well say his name.”

Tengen clears their throat and reiterates themselves. “I let Choso know. I just needed to let you know, so wear something fancy. Black tie is the dress code.”

It’s kind of random, you never thought they’d be one to be considerate considering he’s a higher being, but you do like this idea.

“What’s the occasion?” Yuki probes in confusion. “Fattening us up before Kenjaku kills us or what?”

Tengen lets out a deep sigh and for the second time, they sound annoyed at Yuki. “No, it’s simply a nice evening. So you can all enjoy yourselves while you’re here.”

You smile as you slide on some expensive shades over your eyes so they don’t see you closing them. “Well, I for one like the idea. It gives me an excuse to wear the gown I was supposed to wear for the Gala.”

“Ah, is that the excuse you’re saying?” Yuki taunts you, making your lip curl to a scowl.

“Shut up. I'll burn your hair.” You grimace your threat and make her laugh before you both can go on ignoring Tengen to enjoy your evening side by side.

——

*LATER*

“Guys! Guys!” You shout as you burst into the room with a happy grin on your lips. “Look what Ijichi just brought me from home!” You exclaim and show off a magazine that Yuki and Choso can’t see from where they’re sitting.

“Remind me,” Yuki interjects curiously. “Who’s Ijichi again?”

“He’s, uh, a head manager at the school,” you remind Yuki as you walk to the table she’s at. “He was my only underclassman when I was in my second year.”

“Ah right? The geeky guy.”

“Mhmm. Anyway.” You beam and reach the table to slam down the magazine in between Choso and Yuki. “My new manager sent me the December issue of the magazine I’m featured in before its release date!”

Both Choso and Yuki lean over the table to take a better look at what you’re showing off.

“It’s me in a shoot inspired by the Birth Venus!” You explain the cover you're on.

“Hot,” Yuki immediately compliments you with a faint smirk. “I thought you were retiring though?”

You plop yourself down and fold your arms over the tabletop to lean over with your chin resting on your arms. “Yeah, well the editor of this magazine is a friend of mine and he wanted me to be on the cover, so when he pitched the idea I couldn’t resist. Plus Kinji, Kira, and the twins pushed me to take the job, so I did it,” you muse as you admire the cover and avoid looking at Choso’s reaction as he keeps studying the cover as if he’s trying to really look at every single detail.

One because you can’t let your heart swoon and get all flustered by how soft his eyes are as he examines the cover, and two, you’re still upset at him for his choice at yesterday's meeting.

“You look great with that black wig,” Yuki points out to another version of you in the same photo but depicted as one of the other figures from the painting.

“Aw really?” You coo and touch your chest. “Should I dye my hair black?”

“No,” Choso blurts. “Your hair color is fine as it is.”

Yuki holds your gaze and tries to show a teasing smile, but you look away and clench your jaw to fight the giddy emotions trying to take over.

“Your eyes,” Choso continues to add. “They’re a different color. Why?”

You swallow thickly and only spare a glance his way. “It’s harder landing jobs with my eyes the color they are,” you explain to him with your eyes focused on the magazine. “And it’s just not all that common, so to avoid making things hard, I wear contacts of the eye color my eyes were before.”

“Oh, well, the color of your eyes now is more than fine, you shouldn’t change it,” he says bluntly without an ounce of timidness.

But you do grow timid and clear your throat while you bite back a smile. “Thanks,” you mutter.

“You look…” Choso clears his throat. “Very beautiful. Congratulations on your achievement.”

Your face immediately burns hot and your heart skips a beat before it starts to pound. “Uh, thank you, Choso,” you manage to say completely collected.

Yuki hides her teasing smile by picking up the magazine and flipping through the pages.

“Uh did you hear Yaga’s dead?” You try to fill the silence to avoid talking to Choso or letting him talk to you. “He was killed by the old bag of bones Gakuganji.”

“I heard,” Yuki mumbles with her attention wavered. “I didn’t expect anyone else to do it honestly. The higher-ups are all slimy pieces of shit.”

“You said it,” you agree.

Her phone then goes off and she jumps off her seat to take it out of her back pocket. “I’m going to take this,” she excuses herself as she drags herself away with a small smile. “Have fun,” she directs at you before she closes the door behind her, leaving Choso and you alone in a silence you fill with tension due to the emotions you can’t turn off.

You could actually sit in silence since you pick up the magazine and go through it, but you’ve barely said a word to Choso since yesterday, even now you can barely look at him, he can’t last another day with you obviously upset at him.

“Y/N, you’re upset,” he breaks the silence.

You lift the magazine higher up to cover your face completely and mutter to the pages with pouted lips. “It’s your life, you can throw your life away if you want to.”

“I’m…” he pauses and sighs before he leans over and pushes the magazine down with his finger so you can look at him and know that he’s being sincere. “I’m not throwing my life away. If it happens I’m sacrificing my life away for my—”

“For your brothers, I know,” you cut him off and shut the magazine with force before you throw it on the table and continue with a narrowed look and anger laced in your tone. “But do you really think Yuji will see it that way after finally understanding what you are to each other? Do you really think your brothers would want that? Don’t you think they want you to fight and live instead of fight and die?”

You don’t shy away from being honest, after all, you've been building up that argument.

It leaves Choso speechless both from disbelief to your emotions so boldly shared and expressed, and to what you’re saying. He has to take a minute before coming up with an argument. “I hope my brothers will understand.”

You scoff and drop your head, making him continue to try and make you see it his way.

“Yuji will understand. Besides, it’s not like he’s known me for long. It’s been 12 days since we met. If I die I’ll only be a fleeting memory to him. He doesn’t need me really. No one does.”

Your pout disappears, your eyebrows slowly ease from their pinched hold, and your shoulders fall as you let out the deep breath you were holding in with your anger as his words sink into your heart.

You don’t regret your harshness, you don’t regret your anger. You still are upset, his words don’t ease that. No matter how much you try to fight it, your anger just doesn’t disappear, but right now you feel pity and sadness that he thinks that because it’s not true.

“Listen to me Choso,” you speak softer. “Yuji will need his big brother. Now more than ever. Especially in times after this is over, in the down times. He’ll need you. And the rest will too.”

Choso draws out a shaky breath and his brown eyes gleam with tears.

“And I…” you pause and catch your heart before it can say what it wants.

Yet you need him to understand, you need him to see things your way, and you need to fight so your fear doesn’t come true. “…I’ll need my friend.”

His breath hitches and he sits up straighter.

“I’ve lost too many friends. I don’t want to lose another…so at least fight a bit more to just stay alive.”

He holds your gaze with his eyes slowly widening, his lips slightly parted, and his cheeks burning as a blush grazes on them.

You can’t know what’s happening inside him, but he does feel like his heart stops and his breath gets caught in his throat while it all goes quiet, and only you exist in this vast space before you disappear too and all he sees is a few seconds of darkness. When he blinks though, he's suddenly somewhere else; outside, surrounded by a sea of grass that looks gold by the sun's gentle light casting over the earth. There’s tall trees scattered around, and a gentle and warm breeze blows past him.

He hears laughter and when he follows it he sees his little brother Yuji with blankets under one arm and a girl with long dark hair sitting on his shoulder. He can’t see her face but in the back of his head, he knows it’s your daughter, Satori. Which is odd because the only time he’s seen her is the other day behind a screen when you introduced them.

Yet he doesn’t dare question any of it further. He accepts what’s happening because he feels happy, comforted, and he feels something overwhelmingly positive, something new but welcoming, something that fills him with a never-ending warmth, something like love. It's not a new feeling, he's always felt all these emotions because he knew he loved his brothers, but right now it’s heightened to an astounding amount.

“Choso,” he hears your voice, soft and oozing with honey.

“Hm?” He probes and drifts his eyes ahead to see your white hair gleaming brightly because of the sun's light bouncing off your hair. He sees the skirt of your soft pink dress flowing gently because of the breeze, and he notices you holding something as you walk down the hill.

“Look who’s awake,” you say excitedly before you turn around and show off a little baby that looked to be a few months old, with white hair like yours, and wearing a pink sundress that coordinated with yours.

“Why don’t you say hi to Daddy,” you tell the baby with a happy smile. “Hi, Daddy.”

The baby girl glances at you and smiles, causing his heart to swoon and for an awe-struck smile of his own to tug on his lips as he watches you and…his baby he shared with you.

There was nothing more he was assured of than the fact that the baby in your arms was his and yours. You shared a good and happy life and a little blessing.

“She said it!” You exclaim delusionally. “Say it again, hi Daddy.”

The baby's eyes stay on Choso and she coos, making him smile brightly.

“Good evening, my girl,” he greets the baby, and she squeals before she throws her arms out and reaches for him.

Without an ounce of hesitation, Choso picks up his pace and reaches out to take the baby. However, before he could wrap his hands around her he blinks and suddenly it's all gone and he’s back in the parlor room with you sitting across from him with a black kimono on and no baby in your arms.

It was all just a fake memory…

One he wanted to come true more than anything.

“Choso?” You call out in concern and a hint of annoyance as he looks like he suddenly spaced out.

“Hm?” He snaps his attention to you.

You narrow your gaze to study him for a second, but you don’t find anything concerning so you sit back and relax, failing to realize that he was just stuck in a fake memory triggered by a sudden realization he had of you.

“Did you hear me?” You query with worry.

“Yes. And I’ll try,” he assures you, making you let out a small breath that makes your anger slowly fizzle out and a faint smile grows on your lips.

“That’s all I ask,” you say softly . “Now,” you change the subject as the room finally loses the tension you had filled it with. “I should let you know that Kinji and Kirara called me, they’ve met with Itadori and Fushiguro.”

“Oh. That’s good,” he says and sits back to tuck his hands in his sleeves. “Did they agree to help?”

You smile wider and nod. “Yeah. After a bit of fun back and forth they said they agreed.”

Choso sighs and nods. “That’s good. I’m glad.”

You pick up the magazine to return to the page you were on before you got interrupted. “You should text Itadori,” you suggest. “It doesn't have to be a long conversation, just ask him how he’s doing. And then ask him what he has planned for the day. I don’t know, something simple.”

“Do you think…he’ll appreciate it?” Choso asks with concern.

You glance over at him and nod. “Yeah. I’m sure he would. I always liked it when my brother checked up on me.”

Choso lets out a deep breath and nods before he pulls his phone out of his pocket and stares at the screen.

“Could you help me?” He asks with his normal deep voice, but there was a way he said his question that makes you grin.

“Of course,” you don’t hesitate to give in and put the magazine down to quickly fall beside him and help.

——

*THE NEXT DAY*

Feeling nervous about the way you look and the thought of walking into that cantina date is something that hasn’t happened in a long time.

You tend to get nervous sometimes, more so when you were younger. It was a part of growing up, but as you grew up and grew to be more confident, feeling nauseous and self-conscious about the way you look went away.

Maybe it is because you went on dates with the same man for 11 years of your life, or because when you worked in your public job as a model you just didn’t care what non-sorcerers had to say or what they thought about you. But tonight, ever since you started getting ready for the cantina date Tengen hosted, your nerves are just eating you up. It’s annoying and persistent!

You almost want to avoid walking in the cantina when you stop outside the double doors, but what else are you going to do in this isolated place? Stay in your room and watch a movie or read a book?

You can do that any other night, so after a deep breath you slide the doors open and walk in to see a pretty small and casual cantina with a jukebox in one corner, a stage with a piano, and…in front of the long bar Choso steals all your attention, and you realize how much trouble you’re in as you notice how absolutely breathtaking he looks in a black and white suit that all gets tied together with a sloppy bowtie.

He looks so gentle, and his already rich brown eyes only gleam a much more intense rich brown in that formal suit tempting you to risk it all and crush the wall you’re putting up. He entices you without as much as trying.

But that’s it you almost give in, you remain collected no matter how majestic he looks.

However, him on the other hand, his rich brown eyes found you the moment the doors opened, and when your eyes landed on him it was like he was seeing you for the first time; he inhales deeply and straightens up while his eyes widen, a fluttering goes off in his stomach, and his heart begins to pound in his chest to the point he thought you could notice.

He always liked looking at you, he found peace in watching you, but right now as you gleamed like a divine star in your long black gown adorned with thousands of tiny rhinestones, he felt like he wasn’t worthy enough to be looking at you. It's like you were a goddess who just came from above.

And he didn’t know much about gods and goddesses, but he knew you were one now.

“Y/N Gojo, I’m glad you could make it,” Tengen’s greeting startles you, causing you to clutch onto your chest with your gloved hand and look at them in annoyance.

“You fucking scared me, prick,” you sneer, “you need to stop appearing like that.”

Tengen smiles with amusement. “Jumpy? It’s only the same people you’ve been with for the past 4 days.”

You glare at them and finally depart from the entrance, but not without muttering under your breath. “Why don’t you shove that greeting up your ass.”

“I heard that.”

“Good,” you quip and look back at Choso with a genuine smile. “Choso. Good evening.”

Said man swallows thickly and clears his throat. “Good evening, y/n.”

You stop before him and discreetly study him from up close, noticing how well the suit hugged his muscles, and how the neckline hugs his veiny and muscular neck before you force your focus on his sloppy bow tie. “Uh, can I fix your bow?” You ask first just in case he doesn’t want your help.

Choso glances down at his bow and brushes his fingers over it, noticing now that it’s messed up. “Oh,” he mouths. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

You flash him a happy smile before you take a step closer to the point you can feel each other's breaths unfurl over your flesh, and you can feel the warmth of his lips tempting you for just a taste as you begin to help him.

“Uh,” Choso breathes out. “Is that…the gown you were going to wear for the gala thing you mentioned.”

You stop fixing his bow tie to first glance at his lips before you lock eyes and smile. “Yeah, actually. I didn’t want to let it go to waste so I said why not wear it for an hour or two tonight.”

Choso holds your gaze and nods softly before his eyes flicker down to your lips, and then they take in the long gloves that match your black dress, before he lastly looks at the slits on the sides of your dress that show off your soft-looking skin, and make his mind run wild. That's why he quickly drops his gaze to the floor and speaks sweetly. “Well, you look very…beautiful in it…is that okay to say?”

Your breath hitches and your face and body grow incredibly hot, but you manage to play it off with a giggle. “Yeah,” you assure him. “That’s totally fine. Thank you Choso.”

You focus back on fixing his bow tie and avoid looking into his eyes as you bring up a compliment of your own. “And you can pull off a suit my friend.” You laugh nervously, and out of their own will, your eyes fly to his lips before you meet his gaze. “You look very handsome.”

And he did. He absolutely pulls off the suit with his buns and those dreamy brown eyes of his. He looked just breathtakingly sexy and you want nothing more but to grab him and kiss him. He made your heart swoon and sigh like a love-struck fool.

You could just stare at him all day, the sight of him dressed so formally is so addicting. And you know deep inside it’s not good to feel so strongly for him, you and your mind are trying to fight against every aroused feeling filling your heart and body, but having him right before you looking as beautiful as he does makes you feel yourself losing the fight.

“Oh,” he gasps and grows a deep red. “Thank you. Uh, Tengen loaned me the suit.”

“Hm, well they picked the right one,” you continue to fluster him before you gently pat on his fixed bow tie. “All better.”

Choso glances at your finished work and nods. “Thank you. Now,” he clears his throat and steals one more glance at your painted lips before he turns to his side. “Do you want to sit while we wait for Tsukumo?”

Before you can agree Choso pulls out your seat for you.

“Oh wow, look at you,” you praise him with a beaming grin while you slide on the seat. “Thank you, Cho. Now,” you shift your attention to Tengen walking behind the bar. “Tengen two tequilas, please. And do them half. I don't want to scare off my friend here.”

“You know,” Choso interjects as he takes a seat beside you. “I don’t even think I can get drunk.”

You look away from Tengen preparing what you asked for to look at Choso smugly. “Oh, we can try. We can definitely try. Just,” you sigh and look ahead with a grin. “Don’t get me drunk. The last time I got drunk I cried and had to be helped to bed.”

“If you puke you’ll clean it up,” Tengen throws at you, making you laugh.

“Don’t worry as long as you don’t give me any of Miguel’s concoctions I’m good, one time,” you tell Choso. “Miguel made this very good but intoxicating drink, I was sick for days. I almost got alcohol poisoning…” you trail off and a frown flickers on your face as you recall flashes of those days with your family that’s mostly all gone now.

Choso notices but he doesn’t get to question it before Tengen puts the small cups out before you, causing your smile to reappear on your features.

“Now,” you change the atmosphere back to an amusing one. “You can drink it fast, or by sips. Whatever you prefer, but personally I drink it in one go.”

Choso looks at the clear drink with skepticism before he picks it up.

“Lime?” You offer as Tengen puts some out for you. “It helps for after you drink.”

“Do you take it?”

You snort. “Honey, I should not be saying this so proudly, but I have been drinking since I was a teenager, I’m a pro.” You laugh and pick up the drink to push the little cup towards him. “Cheers to…us. Our friendship.” You smile sweetly.

Choso doesn’t hesitate to clink his cup against yours to that, a bit too harshly may you add, but he only wasted a few drops, it wasn’t hard enough to break the cup or spill the entire drink. Luckily.

“Now go!” You exclaim and slam the bottom of the cup against the surface before you part your lips and swiftly swallow the strong tequila in one go.

Choso on the other hand manages to swallow it all quickly, but as it goes down his throat it burns and he immediately expresses that by scrunching his nose in disgust and coughing.

“How do you drink that shit?” He asks hoarsely, making you grab his arm and laugh—“I don’t find it funny.” He grumbles.

You laugh harder and mindlessly lean towards him.

“Another round,” you say between laughs. “This time,” you tell Choso. “Suck on the lime.”

Choso doesn’t argue against another drink, he just sighs deeply and takes the lime. “All right I’m trusting you.” He says.

You slide your hand off his arm and lean back to your space. “The taste won't go away, but it grows on you. If not then your tastes lie somewhere else.”

Tengen returns your cups with more alcohol, but before you can pick them up this time, the doors open and Yuki finally joins the party.

“You started without me,” she complains.

You peer back and huff. “Yeah, you’re late. Don’t worry though it won’t take you long to catch up.”

Choso gets out of his seat and pulls out Yuki’s seat for her just like he did for you.

“You look nice, Tsukumo,” Choso compliments her.

Yuki grins. “Thanks and you don’t look bad yourself.”

When she sits down she leans forward to take a look at you. “You look very elegant.”

You clasp your gloved hands together and flash her a sweet smile. “Thank you, master. You look quite breathtaking yourself.”

“Always.”

You forget how similar her personality is to Satoru’s. It can be annoying a lot of the time.

“Anyway,” you bring the attention back to the bar. “Catch up or get left behind.”

As soon as you say that Tengen doesn’t falter and leaves a small shot glass in front of Yuki.

“Okay, before we drink,” she says and turns to face Choso and you. “I just want to announce that Maki Zen’in annihilated the Zen’in clan.”

Your eyes widen with shock, and your lips express your glee.

“Naoya Zen’in included,” she adds. “We should toast to that.”

You laugh breathlessly and pick up your cup. “You know,” you share with growing pride for the girl without cursed energy. “Shoko called me this morning and said she needed to tell me something, we got distracted talking about other things so she never told me. I bet this was it.” You laugh again and nod slowly in comprehension. “The other clans must be fuming.”

“Why?” Choso asks innocently, unaware of the disdain for the disgrace that people born with no cursed energy are in sorcerer families—“I thought you said your family didn’t get along with the Zen’in clan?”

You put your cup down and sigh. “They don’t, but having a clan be killed by a woman with no cursed energy is…how can I put this…it’s a catastrophe.”

Choso scratches his head in confusion but doesn’t dare dive into that conversation.

“It doesn’t matter,” Yuki cuts in as she slaps her hands on the tabletop. “They’re gone. And so is y/n’s husband that never was.” She snickers. “Let’s cheers to that, and Maki for her achievement.”

You pick up your cup and the three of you come together to clink your cups together with smiles not formed by the toast, but instead the joy of the simple moment before it’s completely washed over by overwhelming humor as Yuki and you catch Choso’s bad reaction to the strong drink.

“Careful,” Yuki manages to muster after she calms down. “Give y/n any more drinks and she’ll hop on that piano and she’ll give you a show.”

You scoff and roll your eyes. “It happened one time…three times,” you mutter with embarrassment as you recall the memory of years ago.

“One time when we were visiting the States,” Yuki doesn’t get the hint. “We came across a bar mainly used by soldiers, we got drunk because we were having so much fun, and this one,” she points at you. “Had all the soldiers eating out of her hand with her skills on the piano.”

You drop your head on your hand and groan. “Ten years,” you grumble. “Ten years of lessons because my mother said it was good for a woman to have more elegant skills besides fighting. I had to show it off.” You lift your head and only show off a faint smile before you hide it by taking a long sip of the drink Tengen made for you.

“You both often share stories of your past. How long were you traveling together?” Choso asks as he sits back to try and get a good look at Yuki and you.

“A year,” you and Yuji answer simultaneously.

“She showed me part of the world,” you muse with admiration. “Some would say we were bumming it. But we just had fun along the way.”

“Yeah and then you had to go and get married,” Yuki almost says with a hint of annoyance.

You lean towards her to point out a fact. “We still traveled after that, Master.”

Yuki shrugs lazily. “We never had the same fun though,” she whines, a truth you had yet to hear.

You stick out your tongue and then roll your head away to look at your drink. Silence comes through, but you don’t let it last long.

“We’re going to play a game, okay? It’s not a drinking game,” you let Yuki know already before she gets her hopes up. “It’s just a question game. We ask questions and answer honestly.”

“Huh? What kind of game is that?” Yuki complains.

“Just…play it,” you press between gritted teeth before you drop your irritation with a deep breath and peer over at the people beside you. “What do you want out of life? It can be a year from now, months, a decade, or even five years from now. Just say what you want.”

Both Choso and Yuki let out a pensive breath, and in their silence, your answer already comes to you without struggle because it’s something you pondered over lately.

“Well,” Yuki is the first to break the silence. “I don’t know, maybe teach someone else. I think that’d be fun, I enjoy passing on my knowledge,” she shares thoughtfully. “Or complete my study on those born without cursed energy but have a heavenly restriction.”

“So Maki Zen’in?” You interject, earning the attention of her big brown eyes.

“Exactly. Now,” she trails off and leans towards you on the tabletop. “You.”

She’s aiming for a specific answer, you can see it through her wide charming smile, but you don’t give her the satisfaction, you don’t let your heart win just yet.

“Well,” you sigh and fiddle with the straw in your drink. “I want to go to Mexico. I hear the beaches there are beautiful. I think going there will be fun,” you share honestly, but it’s one truth to disguise your true desire.

Yuki is smart albeit, she learned to read you the first year you trained with her. She quickly tries to unmask you. “Spit it out. That’s bullcrap.”

Choso looks at you and Yuki slightly stunned simply over the fact that Yuki could read that off you without you needing to change the way your expression currently rests. He can read you, he’s starting to know what you feel with a simple look in your eyes because of how much time you spent in the silence of each other's company, but he has yet to learn this.

“Okay,” you hesitantly give in just because of the intimacy of the moment. “But if you laugh I will stop sharing.”

“Pft,” she blows you off as if she doesn’t have the tendency to do that shit.

“Well,” you start off timidly. “I…want to have more kids.” You begin to smile at the possibility of your future. “I had fun growing up with my brother. I want Satori to have that too. I don’t want her to grow up alone.”

You take a peek at the pair beside you and see Choso clutching onto his drink with his jaw clenched and his eyes spaced out in his drink. While Yuki tries to fight off something snarky to say.

And her stifled reactions does make you want to stop right there, but you decide not to be so petty and continue. “I also enjoyed carrying her, and I just love watching her grow up. I loved the baby stage too, so I want to go through that again.”

“And who will be the father of these babies?” Yuki can’t hold back. It was killing her. “Are you turkey basting? Or,” she rolls out teasingly and shifts her eyes to point them at the man beside her, but you snap Choso out of his stupor by slapping your cup on the table and then blurting.

“Actually I was thinking of asking your dad, Yuki,” you quip sassily, making her scowl—“don’t you want siblings?”

“Funny, I hate your jokes,” she grumbles and takes a drink from her alcoholic beverage.

You snicker and drop your gaze on Choso as you were on your way to refocus on your drink, and actually notice that his eyes are filled with what you read as slight nervousness.

What about though you wonder but don’t ask. You just take a drink yourself before you share one more desire. “I've also been thinking of establishing an orphanage in the community,” you whisper. “I want to help sorcerer children just like…the twins. Sorcerer children abandoned by their families or mistreated by non-humans.”

Tears threaten to fall, but you don’t let yourself cry, you smile with hope instead, gaining a first response from Choso.

“That’s nice, y/n.”

“Hm. Now,” you swiftly drive the focus to him considering he’s the only one who needs to answer. “You. What do you want? And yes I know you're unsure about your future, but amuse us for tonight.”

Choso holds your gaze for a moment before that faint smile slowly falls and he worries you with a growing depressed look he aims ahead of him.

“I have a question actually,” he interjects with sorrow laced in his nonchalant tone. “Is that okay?”

Yuki and you share a concerned look before she assures him. “Of course.”

Choso picks up his drink but he doesn’t take a sip, he just holds his cup and goes ahead with his question. “Am I…”human”?”

You blink repeatedly with surprise and share one more quick concerned look with Yuki before you can’t help but look at Choso with pity.

“When my little brothers incarnated I realized their abnormal bodies meant “humans” would never accept them. That’s why I decided we should live as “curses.” That’s why I killed people in Shibuya, I killed a lot of people. And it wasn’t just people I killed. The one who killed Eso and Kechizu was me.” He shares a guilt-filled thought that had been running through his head ever since Shibuya, and your heart aches for him at the sound of his anguish.

His guilt and concerns have been touched upon since you’ve helped him ease some of them, but it wasn’t enough to completely satisfy him. After all, you know more than most that guilt and insecurity grown from issues like that are far too deeply rooted, it takes time to really get rid of them. All you want now is for him to see what you do…

“If I’d chosen to live as a “human” back then. My brothers wouldn't have had to kill each other,” he continues with his voice beginning to grow shaky. “Why…why then…why did I—Why did I choose the easy way out?” He can’t help but cry.

“Choso,” you whisper with sorrow and pity.

“I didn’t want to see…I didn’t want to see them in pain from living as “humans”.” He adds tearfully. “Even though they weren’t weak. You can guess what happened next. And like some divine punishment, Yuji appeared. Yuji, who is in pain from living as a “human”. I’m sure our fate was for the four of us to fight together. But,” he sniffles. “Just because I wanted an easier life, Yuji was left alone.”

“If you die,” Yuki shares seriously. “He’ll be alone again.”

She put it in a kinder and quieter way, but it’s similar to what you told him too. And you know it won’t help right away, but you hope it eases some of that anguish he feels. After all, she has a way to assure people with her advice. At least you feel it that way.

“You’re kind, Tsukumo,” Choso mutters as he wipes the tears off his cheeks. “But I can’t,” he keeps insisting, tearing at your heart. “I killed a lot of people for no reason. I no longer have the right to live alongside Yuji…or my friend,” he finishes in a whisper and looks at you as he utters those last words.

Your breath gets caught in your throat and you can’t mask your disbelief.

“Choso,” you whisper and he looks away out of shame.

You could bring up your previous argument, and the fact that he said he’d try, but he’s still too tangled in his guilt and his grief, he still doesn’t think he has the right to live, so your argument won’t work this time. No matter how much you want to fight him. So you try a different approach filled with just as much desperation. “Can I give my opinion?”

“Please,” Choso sniffles and follows by wiping away more tears, making you hand him a napkin from the counter.

“Thanks.”

“I think that you chose the easy way out because that’s the only way you thought you could protect your brothers,” you begin to say and just occasionally glance away, but you don’t keep your gaze away for long so he knows you’re being serious.

“You decided to help Yuji and dedicated yourself to him after you barely found him, and after you discovered your father lied on top of that. You stayed here to fight your dad out of revenge. And Choso,” you say sweetly and lean closer to him to take his hand in yours, making his eyes snap to your gentle touch before he glances back at you as you continue just as sweetly and desperately.

“All that makes you human. I mean,” you laugh softly. “You’re here sharing with guilt hanging off each word and tears in your eyes. You’re showing emotion. That makes you human. You’re so beautifully human.”

More tears crawl down his already tear-stained cheeks and he’s left with nothing to say in return. He could give you his gratitude or say how sweet you’re being, but he’s already told you that and he doesn’t want to sound like some broken record and exhaust you, (even if you’d never grow tired of hearing it), so instead he refuses to let your hand go and squeezes back.

You offer him a gentle smile before you surprise him by resting your head on his shoulder and using your other hand to caress his arm.

You’ve never done that before, it catches him off guard, but he immediately feels comforted by it and you, so he sits incredibly still so as to not make you move. He does feel bad though that he killed the atmosphere, neither you nor Yuki talk after. He waits and hopes it’ll change, but the bar stays quiet, so he parts his lips to apologize but suddenly you leave his hand alone as you sit up.

“Come,” you direct at him. “Dance with me.”

You grab him by his wrist and tug him, but he resists. “I'm not good.”

You scoff and wave him off. “I’ll lead, come dance with me at least one song, please.” You bat your lashes and he doesn’t really protest any longer, he lets you pull him to the empty space in front of the stage before you break away and pick, “There is Something on Your Mind by Big Jay McNeely,” from the Jukebox.

“Now,” you add excitedly and grab his hands to put them on your hips, causing him to immediately stiffen. “It’s okay,” you let him know and rest your hands around his neck. “Now we dance.”

You sway to the music and to avoid stepping on you he watches the way you move your feet.

“You’re doing great,” you encourage him and tilt your head to meet his gaze. “Just relax.”

Choso hesitates before he lets himself focus on your face and the pretty smile you hold.

“Besides our previous conversation, have you enjoyed this atmosphere?” You ask him.

“Well,” he says with a sigh. “It’s just the four of us so I can say I do, but it’s different out there.”

You shrug. “Depends where you go. If you want to go somewhere with loud music and dim lights then a club is for you. I got to tell you though I am old now, I cannot party like that anymore.” You laugh and he shakes his head before he retorts.

“You’re not old. Try being 150.”

You chuckle, making his lips twitch to a smile.

“I don’t think I’ll make it that far,” you say. “But you know what? You’re that old so maybe like an old home is for you. You can play tabletop games and…I don’t know…what do old people do? Tell me.”

“We play tabletop games,” he points out nonchalantly.

You try to come up with a defense but he’s beyond right. Actually, you haven’t even finished a match you started at lunch.

“And I proved my point, I’m old,” you counter playfully.

Choso rolls his eyes and shakes his head, while you begin to grin.

“You’re a natural,” you point out and pass a playful pointed look. “You lied. Who taught you to dance? Tengen?”

Choso chuckles softly. “No,” he corrects you. “When Mahito gave me my body I knew things that I never learned or lived through. It’s weird but it helps being caught up and not being so clueless.”

“Ah, so he taught you to dance?” You joke, making him complain.

“Tsk.”

You show off a cheeky smile, and he hides his growing smile by tilting his head down, bringing forth a comfortable silence as he steals time to breathe in the hypnotizing scent of your perfume and appreciate the comfort that he can have you close to keep you protected. While you take your time to press yourself closer to him to embrace him as you continue to dance and take advantage of the fact that you can be close without needing to fight yourself.

It makes you wish for an infinite amount of moments like this one with him, but you knew the reasons why you couldn’t, they flashed in your head like a red alarm light. So you have nothing else left to do but just really memorize this moment and save it for times when you can’t handle what life has to offer you.

“I have a joke for you,” Choso slowly brings up timidly.

You pull back and smile. “Okay, I want to hear it. I do love jokes, you know that.”

Choso swallows thickly and manages to meet your gaze to share the joke he made Itadori tell him so he could tell you.

“Uh, what did the triangle say to the circle?”

You knew this joke, it was kind of a basic one, but you let him believe otherwise so he can tell it.

“Uh,” he grows quieter and hesitant, even more so when he sees the way you look at him with a soft waitful gaze. “You’re pointless.”

A wobbly smile tugs on your lips before you burst out laughing and lean your forehead on his shoulder.

He didn’t think you’d find it amusing, he thought you’d find it a bit lame so he’s been hesitant to share it, and even now he was nervous as he waited for your reaction, but he’s relieved to hear you laugh. He can't help but laugh softly with you. But he mostly just watches you with a proud smile.

“That,” you say between laughs. “Was good. That was very good.” You face him with a smirk. “Where’d you hear it from?”

He releases his stress with a small breath and responds, “I asked Yuji, he struggled but he looked it up on his mobile—phone.”

Your smile grows timid and the fact that he searched for a joke to tell you makes your face grow hot.

“Did you like it?” He makes sure to ask.

“I loved it,” you quickly assure him and realize that the song comes to an end, bringing you both to a stop. “Now should we have another round?”

He puts his hand up and shakes his head eagerly. “No, no, thank you.”

“Let’s do it! I'm dying over here!” Yuki exclaims, making you run over to be at her side now and do what you suggested without Choso this time. But it’s not like it really matters because he does join in your conversations and tries to participate in the games Yuki and you know.

Now there aren't a lot of you, but you do have fun and enjoy each other's company. For that moment you all forget what you’re there to do, you’re just a couple of friends having fun. That fact wraps you up until you’re alone outside trying to get ahold of your daughter before you go to bed since it should be morning over there.

Nevertheless, it goes straight to voicemail every single time, and that’s weird because she never misses a call. And if for some reason she can’t answer, Belinda does, this time neither of them answer.

You try to wait a few minutes because maybe they got caught up doing something, but when the moment passes no call comes through. You just get a single text from Belinda.

Belinda: Sorry the phone isn’t working, I can only text from the tablet. Satori is okay.

You reread the message and wonder why she didn’t let you know before since she called you just fine before they went to bed.

Then again maybe it just happened, so you calm yourself down and respond.

You: Oh, okay. Well, maybe she can send voice messages or videos?

Only a few seconds pass before you get a quick and short response.

Belinda: Yeah I'll tell her, let’s see if she wants to.

Sometimes Satori does march at the beat of her own drum, but you doubt she’d deny trying to talk to you.

Unless she's mad that you’ve been apart for so long? Maybe that’s why she doesn’t want to talk to you…but Belinda would’ve spilled that information if that’s what was going on, all she’s sent is quite dismissive texts.

You: Is she upset? Is that what’s wrong?

You have to ask her out of worry.

But Belinda quickly contradicts you.

Belinda: No, she’s in a good mood. Don’t worry. I’ll tell her to send something later.

You sigh deeply and have no choice but to be okay with it. You can’t do anything from thousands of miles away.

You: All right. Tell her I love her. I’ll call in the morning. I love you guys xoxo

You wait on your phone for a response but all you see is the little ‘seen’ sign. Which…shouldn’t worry you. This dismissive behavior shouldn’t worry you. It’s nothing, you’re just obviously growing anxious. That’s all.

“Y/N?” You hear your name coming from Choso’s mouth, so you peer back and smile as you watch him approach your side.

“Choso,” you greet him as if you didn’t just see each other.

“Did you get a hold of her already?” He asks.

You look back ahead and sigh out of distress. “She couldn't talk. The phone isn’t working, so no.”

You wait for him to sit at your side before you have to voice your concern. “Do you think I’m overthinking this? The phone doesn’t work and all I got was dismissive texts and the excuse that she’ll try and have her send something later. Should I be worried?”

Choso sighs deeply and follows your line of gaze to the beautiful full moon to share his genuine answer. “I’m not a parent, I—”

“But you are a brother,” you cut him off to press him to give you some comfort or feed into your worry. “If Itadori was the way I just explained, would you worry?”

Choso blinks and meets your red-orange eyes filled with worry and tries his best to answer. “Yes. But you trust the woman taking care of your daughter, right?”

You nod with no hesitation.

“Then I think you shouldn't worry,” he says. “Your daughter is probably okay.”

Probably isn’t what you seeked for, but he’s right. You trust Belinda more than anyone in this world, she’d never hide crucial information regarding your daughter. Her phone just doesn't work, that's all…

“I think I’m just stressed,” you laugh nervously and want to rub your face, but you remember you have makeup on

so you just throw yourself back and admire the dancing stars overhead. “Why are you out here?” You finally ask Choso what you were curious about. “I thought you went to bed?”

“I…was, but I wanted to check on you,” he shares hesitantly as if almost afraid that you were going to be upset that he couldn’t seem to leave you alone, but instead you smile and contradict his worry.

“Good I'm glad you did. I really hate being alone,” you reveal as if it isn’t a big deal when it is to you.

Choso can’t depict between touching on it or not as you just mention it so nonchalantly though. You don’t look upset, but you would comfort him, you’d know what’s upsetting him, and he wants to be that way too. He wants to comfort you too, not knowing that his presence is enough to satisfy you.

Albeit before he can attempt to touch on the matter, you sit up and interject. “You never answered my question at the bar, Cho. What do you want out of life? I mean.” You roll your eyes. “Hypothetically if you make it out of the fight. What do you want?”

He avoided answering this question before because there were other people in the room and his response was something meant just for your ears, but he’s here with you now, and the moon. He could tell you his deepest desire and share the realization that he had the other day when you fought for him to live.

You looking at him with your pretty eyes glimmering with the moonlight's reflection makes it hard for him to form words in his mind, but what he needed to tell you was already engraved deep inside his heart and just waiting to be shouted out.

“Do you want,” you break the silence to try and help him. “A farm with sheep? They're quiet. Or a rice farm? A cabin in the woods? Do you want to leave the country with your brothers? Or have a playboy lifestyle?” You wiggle your eyebrows and laugh softly.

A smile tugs on his lips in response, but it slowly falls as he parts his lips and looks at you with a soft and tender look of admiration and…love.

“You,” he blurts, making you slowly fill with confusion. “I want to live a life with my brothers,” he continues and dares himself to scoot closer to you. “I want to see them be happy and live a peaceful life, but every time I dream of that future I see you there too…”

Oh no…

“…you’re precious to me y/n,” he continues, and you can’t hold your smile or reflect that glimmer in your eyes anymore. He doesn’t notice that yet though as he goes on saying such sweet words. “You’ve been special to me since the first time I saw you last year. You’re all I could think about in that darkness. And I still may be clueless about a lot of stuff, but I do know that I want to keep what's precious to me close to my heart. And that’s my brothers and you. And your daughter of course.”

No, no, no…damn it.

He included her too. He doesn’t leave her out. He thinks about the most important person to you too.

But why does he have to say it all?! His confession and his desire?

Why did he have to say this? Why?!

Damn…

“That’s what I desire,” he fails to notice your distress. “You.”

Tears fill your eyes and a pitiful smile appears on your contorting face. “Oh, Choso,” you coo. “You’re so sweet…”

He smiles as he doesn’t see that you’re about to break his heart and add a tension to the comfortable relationship you had.

“But…I’m not the person you think I am,” you try to go easy on him and actually explain your reasoning. “I’m not a good person. I’ve done bad things. Horrible things that are far from redeemable, and you,” your voice quivers. “You’re precious. Your heart is pure and beautiful, even after the things you’ve done.”

Choso didn’t understand you at first, but he’s starting to know now so the soft light in his eyes flickers and the tenderness grows hard as he’s slowly falling in disbelief.

“And I don’t deserve that,” your voice breaks. “And you don’t deserve to share your life with such a monster. You deserve someone pure…good. Like you.”

Choso’s eyebrows pinch together and he wants to counter by sharing his disbelief grown by the way you’re talking about yourself. Partially because you’re rejecting him, but it’s mostly because he doesn’t see you the way you see yourself.

However, you grab his hands and cup them in between yours to continue adding arguments. “Even if I did let my heart have what it wants, what would I do when you sacrifice yourself? Because that’s your plan,” you remind him of something that’s still tearing at your heart. “And I can’t go through that again. I lost the man I loved and it left me empty. I barely recovered, and if I go through it again with you, I don’t think I could pick myself up again. So it’s better this way. Me and you as we are.” You nod even if deep inside you don’t agree with a thing you said.

“But,” Choso mutters as he's grown upset now. Not sad—well he does feel sad that this didn’t go like he wanted, but he’s mostly upset that you’re selfish enough to disregard what he feels about this argument.

“What—”

“No,” you cut him off with a watery but pointed look. “Please don’t. I know what I am,” you say as if you had looked in his mind. “I know what I’ve done. I’m sorry. I really am. I hope we can remain friends because you’re precious to me too, Choso. I don’t want to spend whatever time we have left upset with each other.”

You offer him a wobbly smile and he leans in and says your name loudly and with frustration that catches you off guard. He’s never spoken to you this way before.

Albeit you do muster the strength to interrupt him

once again so this doesn’t escalate and your heart doesn’t end up winning and accepting his proposal. “Choso, don’t. I don’t regret what I did, I’m a bad person, and I don’t want to go through that agony again. it’s gonna be hard enough already, so please, please stop. Please, I beg of you.”

Choso inhales sharply and wants to just ignore you and give an argument to all you just said, but you’re asking so desperately and yet so sweetly. Plus you’re right. If he dies he doesn’t want you to suffer. He loves you. He doesn't want you to be in pain when he’s gone, so even if it pains him he doesn’t argue. He simply nods which makes you feel terrible, but you can’t stay here any longer after his confession, so you offer him a thankful smile before you lean in and press a gentle kiss on his cheek.

You don’t move away right away, you stay with your cheek pressed against as you give your heart this one satisfaction of feeling the warmth of his cheek and memorizing the taste of his flesh on your wet lips. You draw in the scent of his musk infused with a soft cologne to have it dance in your nose to continue bringing you comfort until it’s gone and instead under lock and key in your mind.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper and tilt your head back slightly to keep close to him as your lips ache to taste his lips that shift closer to you as he moves his head to face you. “I really am.”

Choso watched your lips move, and couldn’t help but part his lips as he couldn't focus on anything else.

You try to pull away but you keep your mouth where it is since you can’t tear your eyes away from his lips. You just want to lean in so badly, they’re screaming to be kissed. And what makes matters worse is that you actually let him give into his instinct to lean closer, leaving just a hairsbreadth of space between his lips and yours.

But…

But! You can’t kiss him no matter how much you both desire it, because if you do you'll lose your fight and your argument will be null. Plus, you can’t risk hurting if he dies, so you pull back and just throw him a brief goodnight before you storm to your room and fall on your bed to think about what just happened.

You shouldn’t though, you know that. You need to focus on what’s to come and forget what just occurred to make it easier on you.

Albeit your mind actually fights you now and sides with your heart. But you push, and push Choso away and win back your mind's support and shove away what just happened and the emotions he stirs up back in a vault. Instead, you force all your focus back on Kenjaku and the threat that he is.

You can’t think about Choso anymore. You need to forget what you feel. You can’t give in to your heart's desire. You can’t and you won’t…

——

Kenjaku came unexpectedly a couple of days later as it was expected right at 12 am. It means that the inevitable you’ve been training a week for is about to happen and you’re tempted to say something stupid to Choso as he goes on his way to meet his father. After all, you could lose him forever.

It's true that he's only been in your life for 16 days—it’s felt like it’s been years really, but it’s only been a couple of weeks and a few days, and you could lose him forever after tonight. So you want to just be stupid and confess what you’ve kept guarded in hopes that that will encourage him to fight to live.

But you can’t. Not even now. So all you muster is another excuse in hopes that will encourage him. “Yuji is out there, he needs his brother. So just try.”

Choso comes to a brief stop before you and meets your gaze with soft reassurance. He’s not petty or mad over your rejection—actually, he never showed any sign of being upset at you after that night, you made it awkward most of the time, but he was never rude.

He was kind and nonchalant, like now.

“I will try.”

You nervously hold your hands together and don’t avoid holding his gaze right now. Not like you’ve been doing for the past couple of days, you look deep into his rich brown eyes that look as if they were always touched by the sun, and can't hide the worry from your eyes. Yet you can’t express it.

You part your lips and he stands there. Not to wait, he stands there to let his mind engrave every inch of you to keep an image of you close to his heart just in case he does meet his fate. When he’s sure every aspect of you is recorded he moves on past you.

Now you should go ahead and meet up with Tengen and Yuki while you wait your turn, but you stay frozen to your spot watching the empty space Choso left behind as you try to avoid looking back. Because if you do you’ll only hurt more, it’ll be like giving in to what you feel. And it’s true that you’ll watch him as he confronts his father, Tengen can display that for Yuki and you so you can know what Kenjaku is countering with and plan around that, but it’s not the same. He won’t be in the same room, his presence won’t be in the same room, and you’ll just be stressing out. So you give in and look back.

And without knowing Choso peers back and you meet each other's gaze.

“Be careful,” you interject without overthinking your response.

Choso nods. “I’ll try. And if I don’t make it out of here can you take my brothers with you?” He entrusts in you.

You turn around completely and assure him without a moment of hesitation. “Of course I will.”

Choso lets his eyes linger on you for a moment longer before he turns away and finally disappears to face his father, leaving you stranded there alone riddled with nauseating worry. You only move away from that spot because you need to know what’s going on to not be eaten alive by your nerves, otherwise, you probably would have stayed there waiting for you to go next.

However, perhaps it was a mistake joining the other two because you walk into Yuki changing into her battle clothes that…look the exact same as the normal clothes she was just wearing.

“Is there a difference?” You remark while she quickly slides on her shirt.

“Yes!” She exclaims. “This one has the Jujutsu High medallion here.”

You fold your arms over your chest and quirk a brow as you pass her a judgmental look. “Why would you wear that?”

She finally gets her hands through her sleeves and pierces her big brown eyes in you. “Don’t you?” She queries.

“Pft,” you blow out and laugh. “No, I threw that away the day I defected. And you’ll never catch me wearing it again.”

“Hmph well there is a difference, this is the difference.”

You sigh and turn away from her to look at a blank wall. “Show it,” you demand from Tengen. “Please.”

“Very well,” he gives in. “But nothing is happening as of yet.”

Regardless, a screen appears on the wall and you can’t help but smile softly when Choso comes on looking completely irritated with his father, who actually startles you. Not because he’s menacing but because he is in your husband's body, and for a second in time you forget and think it’s him. Just for a second because you then realize and feel nothing but hatred and disgust.

“Where’s Tengen?” You hear Kenjaku ask while he glances around the arena.

Choso’s lips slowly tug to a smirk before he scoffs and quips. “That talking thumb doesn’t want to see you.”

“Who’s a thumb?” Tengen mutters under their breath very human-like.

“Guess you’re not well-liked,” Choso adds, making your lips flicker on an amused smile before your worry reigns over again.

“Then I suppose you’re disposable fodder,” Kenjaku counters. “Please do try your best.”

There’s a bit of amusement behind those words and it does nothing to assure your worry over Choso’s fate. Kenjaku just plans to play with him.

“He’ll live. He’s half a curse, he’s resilient,” Yuki tries to ease your worries.

You reach back to scratch the chin of the worm-cursed spirit draped around your shoulders and mutter out, “I hope you’re right.”

“The culling game has already served its purpose, the preparations for the merger of all non-sorcerers in Japan have ended.”

No way…you just talked to Hakari and Kirara the other day, they were doing well. Hakari had fought some old sorcerer brought back to life and kind of won. They were both too excited to tell you to explain anything clearly. You do know that Hakari learned to use RCT though! It was because he got gravely injured, but he learned and you couldn’t be prouder!

So they have to be okay. They all have to be okay. You need to believe that right now.

“Either way, if I seize Tengen here, then it’s your loss, the country will meet its end. The whole world will.” Kenjaku shares, for what reason? To throw you all off a bit? Perhaps. Or just to hear his own voice.

“Let me show you one possible conclusion to this affair.”

Oh gosh, now why does he need to waste time doing that? If it’s happening or not, why does it matter at this instant? Does he really love the sound of his voice that much? Why can’t he just fight to get this all over with?

“You’ve known Kenjaku for a long time, right Tengen? Has he always been so self-obsessed?” You break the intense silence while Kenjaku changes the arena he and Choso are in into a theater room.

“Yes,” they take no time to think it back. “Always. It’s why he’s here so many years later.”

You roll your eyes and pull a chair to rest on while you can as you continue to watch over them.

“In Shibuya, Yuki Tsukumo explained that merging with Tengen, which I’d prefer to call optimizing cursed energy, means becoming a sorcerer….”

“Yawn!” Yuki exclaims.

You snicker. “You said it.”

Please! He just keeps yapping about things he’s already mentioned before, just in a more exhausting way. You don’t know how Choso can sit there listening to him just blabber on and on.

However, as you watch him though, you see him look rightfully annoyed and bothered, but you don’t know how he can just listen. You don’t, you just tune Kenjaku out until you finally pick up on something interesting.

“…The way she thinks is close to my own.”

You snicker and Yuki groans in disgust.

“Anyways I’ve gotten off topic,” Kenjaku finally realizes, letting you finally sit up once again to keep listening. “From the beginning, I even considered the potential of cursed spirits as an option alongside sorcerers. Perhaps a new form of cursed energy could be born from advancing cursed spirits to a higher level. Because of that, I had high hopes for half-breeds between cursed spirits and humans like you. What a disappointment, you were all too ordinary,” he says without shame and it ticks you off.

How could he say that as a parent? In front of his own son too?

You know hateful parents like him exist everywhere but it always surprises you to see it firsthand. Especially because Choso is your friend, and you know how feels about how his father treated him and his brothers.

“If you talk about my little brothers again. I’ll kill you without waiting for the sideshow to end,” Choso spats in defense of his brothers, making you smirk proudly.

“Fine, fine,” Kenjaku sighs and sits up to finally get to the point. “After evolving, Tengen will be more like a cursed spirit than human. So if all the non-sorcerers in Japan merge with Tengen, I think it’ll become a cursed spirit bearing the cursed energy of a hundred million people. Maybe it’ll be like Uzumaki and capable of extracting something too,” he says thoughtfully and with a hint of fascination of what can be a possibility.

A possibility that plays out on the screen of the theater room like a terrifying apocalypse film—flashing scenes of people all around Japan getting their bodies mangled shows and terrifying never never-before-seen curses pop up like a jumpscare.

“I wonder what it will look like…” Kenjaku muses and you furrow your eyebrows and look at the screen in slight fear of what can be a possibility, and irritation mostly. You still don’t care about non-sorcerers, your hatred has dwindled, but you still don’t care for them. Yet what he wants will end the world as you know it. You can’t stand behind that, and the fact that he says it all so casually pisses you off.

“Right now, I feel like a kid…holding a crayon in front of a blank piece of paper,” he finishes and the screen goes black as the lights all go off in the theater before the walls and everything around them transform back to the arena with the single tree in it.

“What exactly do you want?” Choso sneers with heightened anger now, but Kenjaku doesn’t see that, or care for it, he looks back at him annoyed.

“Did you not just understand anything I just said?” He spats.

“No,” Choso argues between gritted teeth. “I’m asking you. What do you get from this?! What is it that motivates you?!” He raises his voice.

Kenjaku’s annoyance falls and he looks at Choso almost with a smile on his face.

“I’m fascinated,” he reveals, raising your own irritation to full-blown anger.

“I just think it’ll be fascinating,” Kenjaku continues. “But I won’t know for sure until it happens.”

So this is all a gamble for him?

He’s so sick.

“On top of that, if the accumulated cursed energy of a hundred million people is just a laughable clown face, then what would you do?” He says nonchalantly as if what he’s saying isn’t all messed up. “I know I’d laugh.”

He actually laughs. That bastard laughs like it's all a joke, but that’s what finally triggers Choso to start the fight by clapping his hands together out in front of him with his face completely contorted to raging anger.

“Wait, wait,” Kenjaku interjects and puts his finger out. “Before you do that.” He laughs again. “I have something I want to show you all. I know the others are here too. Somewhere. So I want to show you something.”

Choso doesn’t drop his guard, he keeps his hands out and stays ready to shoot his piercing blood.

“This is mainly a little something for y/n,” Kenjaku says making you stand up from your seat to narrow your glare on the screen.

“Are you ready?” He asks, and Suguru’s four-winged pelican cursed spirit breaks through the barrier and enters the arena, meaning what?

.

.

.

.

Tagged- @deniseabad1928 @secondary-character-25 @starlightanyaaa @notsaelty @d4rno @moonnime @kodzukein @yozora7154 @heijihattorisgf @elegantweirdorchest

[localsunnet]

monn rach lore because i cannot keep it to myself anymore sobbing (pt 1)

You read the title, monn rach lore (pt 1) because two people said yes

ill try to make it make sense because my grammar kinda sucks ass and i dont know how to properly explain things (and i’ll split it into 2-3 parts because i don’t want the post to be too long 💔💔💔💔)

also if it’s historically inaccurate im so sorry ,,

presented by yours truly (warnjng: i suck at writing)

Monn was born into the religious Rach family in Leipzig on 13th of March 1784, and is the youngest one among his siblings, Meier and Martin.

Since his father was an officer in the Prussian army and wasn’t usually home, Monn’s mother cared for him and his brothers alone, and she usually brought them to church. (you guys will not like his father, trust me)

When Monn is 2 years old, his mother started noticing weird behaviours from him, like not being able to speak properly. At first she thought it was nothing and figured he’ll grow out of it, but those behaviours followed him to his 5th birthday, and since the family’s religious she reaallyy started to believe that he’s cursed in a way and started ignoring him, only feeding him but basically just gave him no attention in fear that he’ll attract a demon or smth (this will NOT cause problems later on /sarc). Luckily his brothers think that’s bullshit so they started to care for him instead and taught him life skills, though mother would always warn them to not interact with him. Monn during this time also started to have small cannibalistic thoughts, which will NOT spiral guys!! /j

So Monn was no longer given attention by his mom and pretty much started to distrust her, only daring to approach his brothers for help. During this time he found an interest in cats, black cats to be specific, and he started to dream of being a veterinarian when he grows up.

One day during mass at age 6, he met Father Silvio, a new chaplain in St. Thomas, and he immediately trusted him with every atom of his being due to him looking like a white cat and followed him around, even though Silvio kind of didn't like him and would push him away every time they’ll interact. (he will come back later in clutch so keep him in mind)

When he was 10, Monn met a scholar (who I didn’t name but feel free to suggest) who was willing to teach him sign language and help him read and write properly after school. Most of Monn’s happy childhood memories came from his time with the scholar and he feels like he owed him a lot for it. Sadly the scholar had to leave Leipzig 2 years later and he never crossed paths with him ever again. Before he left, he did gift Monn a grey wool scarf as a sign of appreciation.

His life after that wasn’t super interesting, his routine was just wake up, breakfast, go to school, come back, dinner, sleep. Maybe add going to mass on Sundays but thats really about it.

And I’ll end it here for this part because im gonna TWEAK after using my brain to write this for 2 nights (which is apparently when my brain usually goes “write now”) (yes i did get sleep because i got tired) im so sorry guys for not writing the entire thing guh…

hopefully you guys can understand this and LIKE MONN’S LORE!!! (Any suggestions and criticisms are VERY welcome, making situations is also VERY allowed!!)

monarchy out and until i return

[princess-of-the-corner]

Was reading stuff on your Duchess Noire AU and had an idle thought. Chloe does discover Tikki but doesn't tell Marinette cos she fears Marinette won't trust Duchess anymore & will get hurt. This also feeds into her sneaking around & watching Marinette with her family and that whole… Everything but like even worse now cos she's full on putting Marinette on a pedestal which only serves to know her lower.

"Sooo, its a little weird that you're sneaking around my house spying on my family, but given you've kind of saved my life a few times by fighting Akuma, I figure I owe you the benefit of the doubt."

"The benefit of the doubt..." Duchess chuckles, no snickers into her paw like gloves like its some joke, but there's a sickeningly tight sort of wheeze to the sound that makes it feel like... Not a laugh.

Marinette swallows, and forces herself forward with the words, "So what brought you here, Akuma hunting maybe?"

Marinette watches as Duchesses stiff half poised to jump frame slacken and she simply plops down on the roof, staring at her. This drags on for nearly a minute as the heroes mouth slowly opens then snaps shut over and over as if she cannpt findf the words before finally she sags.

"I'm trying to figure you out."

"Me? I'm nobody special-"

"HAH! Are you for real?" There's a sort of wide eyes look to the heroine, words spilling out so fast they almost tumble from her fanged maw.

"Of course," She snaps back, not quite angry but increasingly worried about her partner and identity. "I mean you're a super hero-"

"I'm a wrecking ball who happens to make a decent damage sponge when Ladybug needs it. I'm not good for anything but hurting and breaking and being a punching bag, not really, I just happened to be pointed at things worse than me Marinette."

She looks her in the eyes and then away again, all the energy sapped from her frame as she murmured.

"I'm nothing like you, and that's the problem, that's what was always the problem I think. No one worthwhile whose met you has anything bad to say about you, in fact they adore you."

Se stood up and began pacing, tail swishing as her hands gesticulated wildly. "You have that creative brilliance that all truly exceptional artists should that lets you create things other people with more resources and time never could. Your parents don't just live with you they actually love you!"

Those last words seem to rip themselves out of her throat as she turns to look down at Marinette, still staring up at the heroine from her balcony as a sick, heavy dread settled in her stomach.

"Your parents love you," She mutters, practically collapsing atop the roof, a violent shudder running through her body, "And mine don't... So I must... I have to be doing something wrong... I just need to figure out what it is." She chokes whatever she was going to say back.

Marinette's mind races between options and explanations; sickness, akuma, maybe a fight? She knows Duchess can be dramatic and overreact at times, but then... Her parents don't live with her? Is it because they travel for work maybe-

Her thought process stops, Duchess is looking like she wants to run away, body tensing, feet beginning to pivot. Only them does she notice her parents making for the roof through the ladder in her room.

NOTES:

I recall hearing that Chloe just lives in a hotel suite and her dad has his own so while technically in the same building she's functionally on her own.

Also I always figured a lot of Chloe's hostility to Marinette was rooted in jealousy. Both seem to be in the same general 'tracks' at school, even art.

I always like ot HC the first two years of their relationship was more of a rivalry but a very harsh one given Chloe was stll chasutic but not as bad.

It, or more Chloe in general, worsened when they were twelve & Audrey came back for her birthday which Chloe was heavily involved in organizing down to the last detail to make her happy.

The party received no compliments, and Chloe was constantly sent away any time she tried to speak to her mother with some new insult about her clothes, or make up until essentially dismissed.

Locking herself in the bathroom she looked for what was wrong, missing or broken in her before finally losing it and just attacking the mirror, seriously injuring her hands and setting her art skills back to beginner levels.

After that she gave up on being better than Marinette and instead focused on tearing her down. Adrien may be aware of the mirror & party stuff but not how much it led to Chloe going from "Brat with a temper" to "Obsessive campaign against this one person who has everything she wants" that steadily spilled out into wildly direction-less antagonism at basically everything.

OOF YEAH THIS IS

Yeah it's.

I've written before on how while Chloé's overall behavior is a mirror of how her parents treat her and how they taught her to treat others.

Her focus on Marinette is because Marinette is so beloved by everyone despite the fact that she's 'lesser' and doing things 'wrong' (according to Chloé's template for 'Exceptional' given by her parents). Marinette has this perfect life with friends who genuinely like her and parents who do more than the bare minimum.

And there's jealousy and frustration. Chloé wants that life, and is confused why Marinette gets to have it.

[luverofralts]

Arkhelios Adventures

Lukas stood in the gardens of the Twikkii Island palace, running through their options. Somehow, they'd found a way to leave the hallway where they had been eavesdropping on the queen and find their way outside. A million thoughts ran through their mind, all smashing together at break neck speeds, leaving them without a single helpful thought.

"Maybe the mortals are being given these names because they're finally coming home. Riley might have found her way back. At the moment, that's not an unreasonable possibility."

Lukas knew they were wrong the instant that the words left their mouth. Of course, Riley wasn't coming home. Nothing that good ever happened to them. If she came back and told their father that it wasn't Lukas' fault that she was lost, maybe their family could start to heal.

There was an instant method of learning who was alive or dead that Lukas hadn't done in centuries. The last time they'd used this technique was to find out if Riley was truly dead after their own first reincarnation had stabilized. It was technically a trick of Izanami's, but it was harmless, so Lukas figured that there wouldn't be any backlash to them using it.

The trick involved a skeletal object as a stand in for a human body. A human body could hold a spirit or soul within it and then lose that same spirit upon their death. This skeleton would act as a mirror and reflect a living soul if it was still housed in a human body and remain empty if it had been transferred out of the realm of the living.

Lukas calmly extended their hand and focused on the skeleton before them.

"I summon R-Alicia Wenlock," they declared and the skeleton glowed briefly in acknowledgement. They hadn't had the courage to ask for Riley, even though she was the only reason they were doing this. They'd known Alicia well both before and after her death and had always respected her for the sheer amount of drama she caused as a reaper. Alicia may have been the only reaper who could even come close to matching Lukas' reputation and that was no easy feat.

The brief glow within the skeleton quickly faded and dissolved into mist. Alicia had no soul to reflect. She was gone.

"I summon Morganna Grunt. I summon Victoria Evans."

Neither name sparked a reaction in the skeleton, just as Lukas suspected. It was too good to be true, despite what the mortals believed.

So why were these names suddenly circulating? Why were they appearing via supernatural means? It didn't benefit anyone that Lukas could think of. The reapers gained nothing from this, and would likely be penalized if they were spreading nonsense among the living. The remaining four angels kept to themselves and seemed to actively hate the living for reasons they also kept to themselves. The demonic sovereign was too insecure in their position to use Riley's name, knowing that Lukas would immediately take an interest in whatever plot she would be making. While it was true that Saren liked to stir things up, she didn't have the power to take on Lukas or even her little hybrid that owed his stabilized magic to Lukas. Theo had no loyalty to her and a debt of gratitude to them. Of course, they couldn't rule out another demon aiming to take Saren's place.

A sick feeling settled in Lukas' stomach at the thought of a power-hungry demon reaching for power that shouldn't be theirs. Gee liked to tease his stepmother for assuming that every little thing was a demon plot, but he hadn't lived through what Lukas had. He had no idea.

"I summon Tyrone Marlowe," Lukas called, their voice only shaking slightly as they did. To their immense relief, the skeleton remained unchanged. Demons were trickier to track when they could possess someone living or slip through the loose seams of the Void back into the living world. Tyrone had been obliterated by the ocean for his crimes against Lukas, but it never hurt to double check.

All of this was silly. This list of names had to be some kind of sick joke someone was playing on the mortals. It was Lukas' duty to protect them, but this clearly wasn't some terrible plot that needed to be stopped immediately. And if it was just a joke, it was probably safe to call out Riley's name. It would sting just as it always did to remember her loss, but nothing else would happen.

"I summon Riley Reeves."

The skeleton burst into a dazzling light, illuminating its body like roaring flames. The skeleton was only supposed to reflect a small ball of white light if the name had a soul to reflect. This blazing, fiery energy was unfathomable. It was impossible. What the hell did it mean?

"Riley? Are you there? Is this you trying to find me?"

Lukas' voice was shaky as both hope and fear warned inside them. Did this mean their sister was alive? Was she simply trapped in another dimension, waiting to be rescued? But then why did this energy feel so twisted and wrong?

"Lukas Reeves. Lukas Lane. The ocean has left you unprotected, separated from the ones who once gave you strength. I certainly hope you're not counting on Izanami to protect you."

The voice wasn't Riley's. Riley had had a bright, cheerful voice and loved to sing off key when she stole their parents' car to go joyriding. This voice was cold and hollow and empty. There was no emotion in it at all, not even malevolence. Just the sound of it sent chills down the deity's spine.

"Where's Riley? What have you done with her? Give her back! Stop filling mortal heads with her name!"

"It's a shame that Destiny and Davis don't have a single drop of their parents' power between them. How disappointing. Your son, Luke, was so much like you. It's a waste what you did with him."

Lukas' blood froze in their veins at the thought of their son. That was someone they could easily never think about for the rest of eternity and still think about too often. The very mention of that name was a threat. If it wasn't clear already, this left no doubt that whatever this voice was, it meant to harm Lukas.

"No! No! I'm not listening to you! You don't get to talk about my children! You don't get to impersonate my sister! If you come after me, you'll regret it!"

Lukas extended their arm, shattering the skeleton into thousands of tiny shards. They collapsed on the ground, too paralyzed by fear to think of what to do next.

"Izanami," they whimpered, calling out for their husband to rescue them. "Izanami, something bad is happening. I need you."

Lukas couldn't die, that was an undisputed fact. You couldn't kill Life. Life was an eternal force tied into the functioning of the universe, manifested in the form of Lukas Lane. As long as there was a living world, Lukas would exist to see it thrive until Death played his part. It was a cycle older than time, and while it could be interrupted, it could never be destroyed.

That didn't mean that no one ever tried to kill them.

Lukas had first manifested into being as a man with dark hair, created from the ocean adding a fetus made by Linus Reeves and Luke Lane to the eternal force of Life. He was entirely the son of two mortals, and yet, also entirely a deity woven into the fabric of the universe. His parents had been marked by the ocean with power beyond imagining when they were together, all of which tied back into their son. Just as Lukas had warned the little demon hybrid, any great power held by one was meant to be shared with another.

His parents had what could generously be called a turbulent relationship, but there had been a time when they were happy. Just before the Demon Wars, they married in the afterlife and things were good. The instability of the Demon Wars sent ripples through the realms, weakening the boundaries of living and dead. Souls in the afterlife were able to create new children with souls of their own. Lukas' parents gave him twin siblings, Riley and Leander, and Lukas had never felt such happiness outside of his feelings for Izanami.

Riley asked to become a reaper after a number of years and get a chance to experience life outside of the afterlife. It wasn't fair to keep these souls trapped in a realm for after life when they had never truly lived like their parents had. Her request was granted and Lukas could vividly remember the look of sheer joy on his sister's face when she saw Pleasantview for the first time. After years of hearing stories from their parents about the place they once lived, Riley was thrilled to be standing where they once stood. It had been nearly a thousand years since their parents had lived there and nothing was the same, but Lukas couldn't crush his sister's enthusiasm.

Riley thrived in the living world, reflecting life nearly as brightly as her brother, despite being a reaper. She wanted to start a family of her own and to drive fast cars and get into trouble because it was fun. When Lukas' own personal life was imploding, Riley would take him out for a drink to forget his problems.

But then reapers started dying. It was sporadic at first. A reaper from Twikkii Island one day, one from Strangetown a week later. Victoria Evans and Alicia Wenlock collapsed into nothingness before Alicia's son's eyes. Riley was called to the scene as reinforcement and soon collapsed as well. No reaper could find them, the Grim Reaper at the time couldn't reach their souls. Lukas was powerless to help as it wasn't his realm. He couldn't interfere with Death’s employees even if he tried- and he had still tried with everything he had to find his sister.

And then they came for him.

It was hard remembering those times, but Lukas couldn't afford to forget a single minute. That voice had mentioned their children, and there was nothing Lukas wouldn't do to protect them.

That first horrible "death" destroyed his body completely, discorporating him into pure energy, unable to maintain a human form. For years, Lukas theorized that this attack was the same as what had happened to his sister. They had both lost their bodies and the ability to take form in any realm. He used to fantasize about finding her energy hidden away in a pocket of the universe, and while he couldn't make her back into a reaper, he could at least return her spirit to the afterlife to rejoin their family.

But his discorporation was caused by demons and magic users trying to steal his abilities for themselves. Tyrone Marlowe and Aniku Reeves were only able to touch the edges of the power Lukas commanded and both descended into madness before the ocean wiped them from existence half out of rage for their arrogance, and half out of pity for what they had become.

The murder of the reapers was never solved. It also never happened again. Fingers were pointed, people were accused, but nothing came of it. Lukas was reborn with the help of his parents into his first reincarnation, a man exactly as he was, but with Luke's light brown hair.

By that time, his family was already broken beyond repair. His parents turned against each other in their grief, created a new daughter and then divorced in probably the worst breakup the afterlife had ever seen. His brother, Leander, ran off with his father in law and Lukas spent his days sullenly drinking to forget his pain and having an affair on the wife he'd only married to make Izanami jealous. He dyed his brown hair black to forget that he'd ever reincarnated, that he'd ever been vulnerable. He couldn't stand the sight of his hair or when people mentioned the change. It wasn't something he could simply wave away. It had taken a second reincarnation to learn that trick.

"Dearest? Dearest, I came as quickly as I could. What's happened? Are you alright?"

"Izanami, it's going to happen again. It's all going to happen again. There was this voice and-and it mentioned the twins and t-that monster and I can't lose the twins, promise me that you'll protect them if-if something happens to me again. I was only trying to see if Riley was alive somehow because the mortals were saying-the mortals, they-"

Images overwhelmed Lukas' mind of pain and blood and fear. Of his father finding him lifeless in his office, completely unresponsive. Of horror when he couldn't reenter his body or use his abilities because the monster that he'd conceived with his mistress used their blood connection to funnel his father's powers to themselves.

He had suffered for centuries, preserved in a coffin of glass where his loved ones could visit, thinking him as lost as Riley. They hadn't heard his screams for help without a physical form. They couldn't defeat his son as long as Luke Jr held his powers ransom. Over the long centuries, Lukas had prayed to see his sister again in this form. If he was suffering and presumed dead, then maybe he would find her there, and they could overwhelm Luke and take control back together. Maybe this torment had a purpose, and that purpose was to find his sister.

It took some time, but working with Izanami, Lukas had learned to channel their abilities to regain their original form and could freely switch between the two at will. They'd studied and trained and refined their power in ways Lukas had never realized was possible. They'd stepped up and convinced Izanami to return with them to the ways things had been when they first started governing the universe together, only better. They married. It took years of learning to control every aspect of their form, but Lukas had done it. They carried two embryos inside themselves that carried half of Death’s essence. It had burned every second of the pregnancy as they struggled to wrap their children with enough life energy to counteract their father's genetics. To keep them alive.

But none of that happened. He escaped his living death after saving energy those long years, with no help from his lost sister. He reincarnated sloppily, no assistance from his parents like before, and without maintaining his original features or gender. He became an infant, not an adult, living in an orphanage without his memories in Crystal Cove. Without their memories, that was. They'd never lied to the little demon hybrid, despite their habit of speaking half truths. They grew up as a little girl and went to school and took over a monarchy because they were jealous of the wealth of their country's monarchs. They'd rediscovered their past memories and grieved for their sister all over again while trying to fuse the life experience of a teenage orphan with that of a very flawed god incapable of dying.

They had done the impossible. They survived things that would kill anyone else or drive them into insanity. When they were told no, they did whatever they wanted anyway. They could do anything...except bring back their sister.

"Lukas, listen to me. You're safe. The children are safe. If anyone even touched one hair on the children's heads, both Gee and I would ensure that they wouldn't take another breath. You're strong, too. No one gets in the way of Lukas Lane without serious consequences, not even me." Izanami smiled kindly and brushed his hand through his spouse's hair in an attempt to soothe their worry. "Arterius and the twins have you protecting them too, and you're stronger than you give yourself credit for."

"You never use my name unless something is seriously wrong," Lukas mumbled, fighting back tears and a nauseousness churning in their stomach. "I must be right then. Something terrible is happening and you and Gee must have been told about it."

Izanami chuckled softly and wrapped a comforting arm around his spouse.

"As always, your devious mind is seeing plots where there are none. I came because you called me, just as I will always do for the rest of eternity. I have no problem using your beautiful name, which brings you so much pride, but I also know how dearly you love titles, and I can think of no greater title than being the dearest being to me in all of creation. My equal. My partner. The one I've chased around the universe these many centuries."

Despite their fear, a tiny smile graced Lukas' lips.

"You always know the perfect thing to say. You've gotten suspiciously good at that recently. I half expect to find Gee nearby, feeding you lines from behind a bush."

"Again, you're seeing another scheme without basis," Izanami replied softly. "My son can't say a single word on love without breaking into tears and embarrassing himself. I don't know how he's found so many partners willing to put up with it."

Lukas leaned into the comfort of Izanami's arm and took a shaky breath.

"That's because, Dearest, the mortals all find that endearing. You and I have never been good with flirting like them. What we have is so much more than they could understand."

"And I will never let what happened in the past happen again. That is also what mortals can't seem to understand. If there is a demon bothering you or a magic user with grand ideas to hurt you, they will be dealt with," Izanami vowed.

"I don't think this is a mortal plot," Lukas admitted, snuggling closer to their husband's chest. They were likely visible to palace security, but who among them would be brave enough to interrupt two gods clearly comforting each other? "I think the mortals are the victims here. Names keep circulating and causing fear and anxiety. They're trying to find information on my sister, Alicia, and the others. Some of them are trying to hunt down Atem for reasons they don't even know."

"Atem?"

"He's your grandson, dear. One of Gee's earlier mistakes. He shares your disgust for Gee's...antics. I don't think the two of them have spoken since the Demon Wars."

Izanami still stared blankly at his spouse and Lukas sighed with frustration.

"Never mind. They're looking for an active reaper, which was my point. This is getting out of hand. Some people are even seeing ghosts, Izanami. Ghosts! When has that happened without some kind of disaster happening right after?"

"A disaster like the one that happened recently to the family living here? It's possible, yes, but for a death count that low? Ghosts and prophecies usually forewarn of disasters on a much larger scale."

Lukas smiled, unable to contain their amusement, even when falling apart with anxiety. He knew about the tragedy in Twikkii Island, despite being "retired," and had already started forming an opinion about how bad things could get. It wouldn't surprise them if Izanami had already known about the ghosts too. He was secretly making sure that his son wasn't failing at his job, and that the balance of the world that contained his spouse and kids was intact. He was keeping his promise to them while not seeking any attention for doing so. How typical for him.

"I love you, you secretive idiot," Lukas whispered. They rested their head on his shoulder and felt his strong arms wrap around them. In all the time they'd existed, Lukas had never found another place safer than in the arms of Death. "Tell me we're going to be okay. Tell me that reapers won't start disappearing again. That I-"

"I will never lose you again. Even if it means setting the entire universe ablaze to save you. You have my word."

[sunshinebingo]

Welcome to Chapter 2 of the fic written for @thelov3lybookworm for @acotargiftexchange. I hope you enjoy it, especially you dear lov3ly ♥

***

Synopsis: Two months into their convenient marriage and Gwyneth and Azriel still have very strong feelings for each other. Is it really the hate that they claim it to be, or something else? Not even they can tell.

However, another chance at tackling the failed mission that has led them to where they are will make the two spies face something that they have both been afraid of. After all, the line separating hate from desire can be very thin.

Word Count: 2k

Warning: None

Find the Masterlist here

Read on Ao3 here or proceed below the cut

A week had passed and Gwyn was still as wary as she had been after receiving the invitation for the Autumn Solstice. This event would be the perfect opportunity to put a stop to the doubts that many members of the Forest House had about her. Making out with someone would have never raised any suspicion if it had not been in the southern section of the labyrinth that was this place. The only ones who went there were those who had exclusive access to the High Lord’s private quarters. Gwyn had seen many people entering these halls without ever walking out.

Luck – and Eris – had been on their side the last time. She doubted it would be again this time. That was why they would not fail again. She could not fail. She would not be useless again. Gwyn had dedicated so much of her life trying to prove to herself that she was more than sitting down for tea and looking pretty. She owed it to herself as much as she owed it to her twin.

She still felt the guilt of having let her sister die in front of her eyes. No one, least of all the High Lord, had taken her side when she had told them that the males who had attacked them in that clearing had been familiar faces that she had spotted around the Forest House a few times. Although Eris had had to keep his mouth shut and follow his father’s lead, he had proven his loyalty to the twins when he had killed all those who had touched them without anyone ever knowing that he was behind it. Gwyn was one of the few who knew who Eris truly was behind his arrogant mask. And that was why she returned every single bit of his loyalty.

Autumn was a male’s court. A court where females were either servants, or when they were born with a fancy family name like hers, toys and accessories. But that would only last as long as Beron sat on the throne. The High Lord did not know yet that his time was limited.

Gwyn wished she could do more. Being raised as a lady in the Forest House had been a major advantage for her ever since, after the loss of her sister, she had pestered Eris to teach her how to fight. It turned out that spying had been her calling in the end. Living there had given her the ability to observe and pick up on things no one thought a lady would notice. She had been in the heart of it all. But now, here, Gwyn felt like she was not doing enough.

“This will change tonight,’’ she told her reflection in the vanity mirror as she brushed her fingers through her loosely curled hair.

Gwyn had worked and schemed alongside her husband since she moved in his estate. She had also met with the Autumn Prince twice. Apart from that, the past two months had been spent training in the gardens of Rose hall, reading and trying to adjust to her new life as a wife. It was something she had never expected she would be.

Ever since that afternoon where she had lost Catrin, Gwyn had been scared that she would one day be shackled to a male who would claim her as his property. Reading about romance in books was one thing, something that could make her dream and wonder about how it could feel. But reality could be deceptive. Reality was scary.

Since she lost Catrin, Gwyn had feared the mere possibility of letting anyone close to her heart. She worried that anyone who did would see how emotionally broken she was. She doubted that anyone would stay with her if they knew how much love scared her. She might still have blood relatives in Autumn, but the only true love she had ever known was her twin. The two of them had stuck together since their mother’s passing when they were just little girls. The eldest and youngest of the Vanserra brothers had been the only ones who the twins had considered as friends even though they were distant cousins.

When she moved into her husband’s estate after having run away from her court, Gwyn had felt guilty for having drove Azriel into this situation. She had not meant to involve him in a loveless marriage with a female who had acted like a proper lady because she was either forced to or because she had used the title as a disguise. She had thought of apologising to him. However, every time she looked at him, Gwyn wanted to do anything but apologise.

A knock sounded at her door, followed by a, ‘’Are you ready?’’

‘’Almost,’’ she shouted.

She heard his exasperated sigh even from inside her room. “Can you hurry up?’’

‘’Can you fuck off?’’

Azriel muttered a few curses that she decided to ignore. Gwyn still did not totally understand why Eris had chosen Night of all the courts to ally with. Many creatures of Autumn were sketchy and cruel but at least they did not hide who they were by trying to pass for saints when everyone knew about the questionable things that happened in their court. She would not go as far as hating the entirety of the Night Court’s inhabitants. But the one she lived with was enough to make her blood boil on a daily basis. Just like he currently was by loudly walking back and forth in front of her door. Why did that male always do that?

‘’Can you wait downstairs instead of doing that? You are stressing me out.”

‘’Says the one who stresses me out all day, every day,’’ he mumbled.

She knew exactly what his face must have looked like as he said that. She might not be able to read his thoughts, but she knew her husband far better than she wanted to. She had expected to learn more about the male that she would live with. Though Gwyn had not imagined that he would imprint himself so deeply into her mind. Whatever she did, Gwyn could not escape even the thought of him. Azriel haunted her even when he was not in the room. His hazel eyes followed her in her dreams, the ghost feel of his hands on her brought her thoughts to places where she did not want him to wander. It infuriated her so much that sometimes, she wanted to push him against a wall and… punch him until he stopped doing what he did to her.

‘’I heard that,’’ she shouted again, although he would have heard her alright since she could hear him breathing right outside of her bedroom.

‘’Good,’’ he said louder.

Gwyn sighed. She often wondered if Azriel took pleasure in being so provoking. Probably yes. Saying that she did not – sometimes – enjoy doing the same to him would be a lie.

She ignored the occasional knocks and the complaints as she slipped her shoes and dress on. Gone were the traditional Autumn fashioned gown with their petticoat and endless layers of fabric. Most of the ones she had worn at previous solstices were red or brown. Instead, Gwyn wore a wrap dress of a blue as deep as the midnight sky of her new home. The thin silver and diamond necklace around her neck shimmered like the stars of that same sky, especially the crescent moon that rested between her cleavage. The fabric was a soft satin that delicately hugged her upper body and arms. It cinched at her waist before flaring out and cascading down her long legs. A slit ran up from her left foot to her mid-thigh.

It was the perfect dress to conceal all the weapons she wore underneath while also allowing her easy access to them. More than that, what she wore tonight would send the message that she was a member of the Night Court now. And with the Shadowsinger at her arm, no one would dare to openly question their relationship.

Gwyn walked towards the door after a final look in the mirror. She held her hands at her breast, keeping the fabric there to prevent it from falling down. She opened the door, finding Azriel right behind it dressed in a fine black suit with his wings tucked in tight, and turned her back to him where her dress was still open, down to the small dip right above her backside.

“Zip me up, please.”

Silence followed. Azriel did not say anything. He did not move either. She did not even know if he was still breathing. Gwyn turned around and raised a questioning brow at him. He looked like he had seen a ghost.

“Are you alright, Shadowsinger?”

Gwyn looked at the shadows – who she preferred over him – hovering around them. She silently wondered if something was wrong, if she had perhaps crossed an invisible line. She did not know how his shadows worked, but Gwyn had developed an odd connection with them. It was as though they could read her mind and provide their wordless answers through soothing touches. Like a response to her silent questions, she felt their cool caress against her bare back and on her face. Hopefully they would not ruin the makeup she had carefully applied there.

The giggle that she failed to keep inside when one tickled her neck seemed to snap Azriel out of his trance. He shook away whatever had made him pause and brought his hands at her waist. The fabric of her dress hid not even a inch of his scarred hands and made her gasp as he turned her back around. Gwyn bit her lip to hold in whatever threatened to come out of her mouth when his fingers brushed her skin to push her hair aside.

She closed her eyes as he pulled her zipper up and prayed for him to just be done with it. Curse him and his hands. Curse Azriel and what he did to her. Curse everything about him.

Gwyn quickly adjusted the front of her dress when Azriel was done. With a deep inhale, she breathed some common sense back into her body. She breathed until the fire coursing through her simmered down to a small flame instead of the inferno that a few callous fingers had erupted in her.

Curse his touch for stoking her fire. Curse Azriel and everything about him.

When she faced him again, Gwyn’s irritation at him morphed into something else. She could not name what was his expression meant. All she knew was that the softness and awe in his eyes – something that she had never glimpsed so strongly from him – scared her.

“You look...”

Her heart pounded as she waited for another one of his stupid assumptions. But the one he offered sent more fear through her and caused goosebumps to erupt all over her.

“...Beautiful,” he whispered.

Words evaded her. All thoughts evaded her. Gwyn stood there, not knowing what to say or do. She knew how to tease Azriel. She was even better at getting on his nerves. But she did not know how to react to this, whatever this was. So she let the first thing that came to her mind flow out of her mouth.

“You too.”

In the silence that accompanied the blushing of Azriel’s cheeks, Gwyn could have sworn that she heard faint, soft voices, like the distant humming of a song. But no one was present save for them and his shadows. The wards around the estate would have alerted them of any intruders and Roslin had already gone to Autumn to celebrate Solstice with her own family.

Speaking of Solstice, Gwyn blinked back into the present. She wrapped her hands around Azriel’s forearm and pulled him down the hallway.

“Let’s go before we miss the party,” she said, grateful that she could still form coherent sentences.

“The mission, Berdara,” he corrected.

She flicked a hand in the air. “Yeah, same thing.”

Although she had returned to a somewhat normal state, the fear that had dug itself under her skin earlier like an arrow was still there. Gwyn wanted so badly to yank it out. But it remained. And with every touch and every glance exchanged, that arrow twisted and embedded itself deeper inside her.

To be continued...

[massiveladycat]

PART 2 OF THE ETERNAL FOLLOWERS OF THE STARS

if you don't know what i'm talking about, go to my blog and find part 1!! DECLAN IMURA, DAHLIA IMURA, ELIZA IMURA - FAMILY OF THANATOS What, exactly, did Declan give up? Declan gave up his MEMORIES, and his free will. Hades promised Declan that Dahlia and Eliza would be safe and happy for as long as Declan gave up everything he had. Declan gave them up without a thought. Hades nearly drowned Declan in the River Lethe and took his memories. Hades decided to take advantage of the fact Declan could fly and was blessed by Apollo, therefore being able to receive prophecies and omens. Declan would remember nothing, but Hades made him believe that Hades raised him as a little boy and that Hades truly loved him. Declan would feel a pull underneath his ribcage when he feels that Hades would want his services, and then he goes to the underworld and gives Hades the next prophecy or flies somewhere for him, doing quests of his own. Even as Declan is a cowardly boy who often believes that he’s going to mess something up, Hades is the only constant in his life. Of course he’d fall over himself doing anything Hades would want; because, in his mind, that’s his father and he owes it to Hades for everything given to him. Declan was, once again, called to Hades' service and Hades asked him to transfer to Camp Half-Blood. Confused, Declan wondered why, and Hades explained that he wanted to know what was occurring with his children and the camp, and that he’d also like to know if any death was suddenly stopped, as the sudden rise of revivals in Camp Half-Blood began to concern Hades. (That ties in with another PJO OC I have that I may talk about sooner or later) Declan gave up his memories, safety, and free will to keep both his mother and sister alive and safe. Hades took his mother Elizabeth away from the Eternal Followers of The Stars, revived his sister Dahlia, and passed them off to Eirene, the goddess of safety. They are now under her care, considering they're both unable to live in the mortal world as they both have wings that aren't easily covered by the Mist. Dahlia doesn't remember Declan, but she does remember burning and a boy's face that looked strangely like her own. Eliza remembers everything, but she doesn't want to tell Dahlia.

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

So, I really like Spider as a character. I think the concept is interesting and am really curious about where it could go and I love a lot of the dynamics people are cooking up for him in fics. However, there is one thing that I’ve seen popping up that has me puzzled, and that’s how some people are like… genuinely angry at the Sullies for not taking him in? Idk if it’s just me, but I feel like they were under no obligation? Like, they are people of a different species w/ a child on the way soon after the war (I guess 2 w/ Kiri) and one of them has trauma when it comes to humans so… idk, it just doesn’t feel like they should have, were in any position, or under any obligation to to begin with. In my eyes thats like if people blamed two parents for not taking in their children’s best friend or something. I feel like the best place for a human child at that time (given the na’vi’s very recent experiences with the majority of the humans) was probably with other humans, and that was a reasonable course of action.

Do I think that Neytiri owes Spider an apology for her treatment of him? Yes—when she’s truly ready, has thought about her past actions, and will mean that apology to her fullest. But thats it, honestly. Trying to rescue Spider would have been suicide, the Sullies were under no obligation to adopt him in the first place, and how he was raised is on those who he was actually put in the care of.

But who knows. Maybe I’m just being insensitive or don’t know all of the facts?

Hello anon. I do think that it is an extremely complicated situation, and one that we won't ever see in much detail. We skipped all those years, and in this movie we the audience were shown Spider's story in a highly sympathetic light in order to help the audience understand his decision with Quaritch. This is not to say his story isn't sympathetic, because it really is, it just easily could have been shown much more sympathetically from Neytiri's point of view. Hers is honestly a point of view we haven't ever really gotten fully, Neytiri is always a secondary protagonist.

But anyways, I agree with you for the most part. No, the Sully's were not under any obligations with Spider. Certainly the Na'vi weren't. People expect a lot more from protagonists in media than antagonists. Viewers praise Quaritch for kidnapping Spider but then stopping him from being tortured for longer, and vilify Jake for not rescuing him. Praise Quaritch for not killing Kiri because "he didn't ever intend to," and vilify Neytiri for not killing Spider because "she would have done it." A morally grey action means a trend in the right direction for a villain, and it means a trend in the wrong one for a hero. Idk, we're all very simple I guess. We have a lot of empathy ready to go for those who are already at rock bottom just in case we ourselves are ever there, but we can't wait to drag good characters down to our level.

I don't really hold Spider's childhood against any of our charcters except maybe his guardians, the McCoskers. I've worked in schools for a long time now, and one of the main things I've learned is that being able to judge someone else's situation is a privilege, because I don't know what I would do in it. There's a lot of living situations for kids that I've thought were less than ideal, but the parents were doing literally everything they could or giving everything they had left which wasn't much. Or, they needed a little guidance or support to be able to know how to do better.

Impossible situations are impossible, and I feel like there's a ton of judgement for Neytiri especially for how she handles the unthinkable, that I really don't enjoy. Idk, I've said it in posts before; I think Spider is best off with the Sully's now that they've made that choice. It's a choice the kids made long ago. But they weren't raised as siblings, because that wasn't a choice Neytiri and Jake were in any place to make before. They placed him with a human family to raise him. People argue that they should have noticed his foster family weren't treating him well and it's their fault he was with them; it's something kids hide and professionals miss all the time. Sometimes, and as much as it sucks you get it drilled into you, kids slip through the cracks and there isn't anyone specific to blame. You just try to patch them up and make things better and heal. Isn't that what most of our classic Spider Sully fics are about, lol.

[halite-jones-reblog]

I realize that I been ranty for a long time about negative stuff that's happened to me in the past, and even though I feel like I've got every right to rant, I don't really want to live like the universe owes me. It's true that I've been through a lot, but not acknowledging the fact that I've been able to recover from a lot of things is cutting myself short.

I was damaged very deeply by someone I mistakenly placed a lot of trust in, and I am able to admit 20 years later that if I hadn't been so gullible or desperate for engagement, I might not have fallen for it, but what was offered to me (and then revoked) seemed worth the sacrifice and discomfort at the time.

There was very little notion within my own family about going to therapy or upkeep of mental health. We just all toughed everything out despite the generational trauma. When I was hospitalized on New Year's in 2005, it was the first time the thought occurred to my parents that I needed therapy. I was 22.

Therapy hasn't been a cure-all, and neither has meds, but 2005 was a turning point for me. I could have just given up and let myself get institutionalized, but the small stay in the psych ward where people were just guessing at what was wrong made me realize that if I gave my power to someone else, the consequences would be that I would never be truly advocated for, and I really didn't want that for myself, not after having survived FF7 House. I didn't want to give FF7 House Jen the satisfaction or confirmation that she broke me, or made me like her. I worked instead on getting back to basics - got my car back, got my job back, went back to school. All of these were modest things, based on the income levels and physical health I had access to. I worked at Wawa, my car was used, and the school was a community college. I had local friends I could rely on, and most of them supported me after I came back to my mom's hometown to start over.

20 years later, I'm married and have cats and a house that's okay. I have a cool job that's also okay. Most of my needs are met, and I'm able to work on creative projects on my own, despite losing myself to a few stumbling blocks during the pandemic. Sometimes I'll trip on something that turns out to have been a trauma trigger, and sometimes I'll spiral. I almost lost myself to a strain of The Discourse that came close to overwriting my interests in the name of trying to seem "acceptable" to other people, but I got better.

I have a better sense of my own worth these days, and this year, I've tried to focus less on things that make me upset and send me spiraling. It's always a work in progress.

I didn't want to post this on New Years just in case the trauma anniversary overpowered the notion of how far I've come. I get tripped up and lost in things that happened to me in the past a lot, because it's very easy for me to forget my own accomplishments when I'm stressed.

Anyway, it's nice to still be here, and nice to see everything that's come of my recovery. I want to focus less on what was lost and more on what I've gained post-recovery. FF7 House happened to me when I was 17-21, and in 2026, I'll have lived in this recovery era longer than I lived pre-disaster, and I think that counts for something.

[dramioneasks]

HP FESTS: Truly Madly Deeply Fest

Truly Madly Deeply Fest 2023: 

Eyes Locked to the Tide by Abraxas52 - M, WIP -  Being the apprentice of an evil Sea Enchantress is nothing like the stories you read within the pages of your dry and dusty books. There are dark creatures to hunt and lowly merfolk to terrorize and Hermione is all too eager to please her Master. That is until she makes a bold request: “You said we could continue my training on mind control.” “Very well.” Serefina moved away from her student, her expression pensive. “You are to swim to the surface. Humans are easily influenced. Find yourself a sailor and persuade him to swim to his death.” Will the eager Hermione be able to complete her task, or will her Jolly Sailor Bold  prove to be just as formidable an opponent? Dive into the depths of the Aegean Sea to find out if her ambition will outweigh an entirely new feeling– love.

Iris by AuroraNyx - E, WIP - "And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."Draco Malfoy finally has the girl he's dreamed of being with as long as he can remember. Hermione Granger is his. But he never anticipated having to share her with Theo Nott and he absolutely hates it.He doesn't want to share her. He CAN'T lose her. What's the youngest Death Eater in history going to do to make sure the girl he loves is his and his alone? [Draco x Hermione x Theo]

Saltwater Lilies by Elishadoesdramione - E, 10 chapters - *** A small, barred window was set into the wall just above the ground. She was here. The girl jumped back as he approached. She was scared of him, he realised. He did not approach her again. Her fear smelled bad. It made him feel sick and drowned out the scent of lilies and sea water. Perhaps we’ll take her to the seashore. She smells like she’d like that. The wolf began to pace. He would not leave her. ***when Draco Malfoy is turned into a werewolf as punishment for his families failure to capture Potter the last thing he expects is to find his Mate, he definitely does not expect that Mate to be Hermione Granger. As Hermione and Draco attempt to survive the Dark Lords regime they find themselves changing, not necessarily for the better. Lord Voldemort's influence cannot be escaped within the confines of the Manor. [READ ALL WARNINGS]

The Lynchpin by Silver_26 - E, WIP - He had plenty of time on his hands. That, coupled with the boredom that came from the isolation left him itching to do something. Weasley’s bumbling nature with his too-big feet and gangly limbs…Potter’s ability to get away with anything, and Granger’s piercing laugh… That was aggravating enough and he wasn’t sure how much more of it he could put up with. Now though…a new idea was forming in his mind, and one he hadn’t given much merit until now.He did owe the trio one for taking his peace of mind, for ruining his chance of happiness and freedom. He had that particular favour to return to them.Draco Malfoy did not like owing anyone anything, after all. No true Slytherin ever did.And as for him?Well.He was a Slytherin through and through.

The Balance Of A Soul by Astrangefan, LiloLilyAnn - E, WIP - For Truly, Madly, Deeply Fest Prompt (song): Author's Choice: Creep by Radiohead******Five years after the war, Draco still finds himself struggling to keep the darkness at bay, a darkness he's certain comes from his association with Voldemort and the vile things he did in his service. He's dedicated all of his efforts in trying to rid himself of this evil lurking inside him...That's the only way he can ever be worthy of Hermione Granger.******A Jekyll and Hyde Dramione

Love is Like a Shadow by LadyMorphia - M, WIP - Once upon a time there was light in her life, but now there’s only love in the dark. “I’ve caught you…Granger,” he snarled, pulling her closer still. It wasn’t until she was flush against him that the Death Eater lifted his mask.A small voice, somewhere lost in the recesses of her mind screamed at her in warning, pleaded with her to cast a spell or to utilize what little physical strength she had left to fight back.But it was no use; she was trapped, falling into the icy, cruel grey eyes of Draco Malfoy.

A Fate Worse by MyPrivateInsanity - E, one-shot - He could sense her now. Could smell her, find her, even in a city as large as London.He enjoyed the chase.

Hello There, Angel From my Nightmares by Wanderingxfae - M, one-shot - Draco Malfoy deals with his own mortal dilemma as an angel appears to him in his time of need.

Prometheus by aCanadianMuggle - M, one-shot - Hermione thinks she's found a way to remove Draco's Dark Mark.Based on Song Lyrics - Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper

The Tie That Binds by EvergreenTuesdays - E, WIP - Narcissa Malfoy struck a bargain with Albus Dumbledore before he died—that at an unspecified pivotal moment, she would turn the tide of the war, ensuring Voldemort’s downfall. In exchange, her son Draco would be married to the Golden Girl immediately following the war, guaranteeing her family’s return to grace. [READ ALL WARNINGS]

Yellow Diamonds by KatsiPerennial - M, one-shot - "I hope that when the world comes to an end I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to." - Donnie Darkoor Hermione searches for grace among hellfire

Belladonna by thisisanomdeplume - M, WIP - “Did you know when you married her? About the blood curse?”“Yes,” Draco said, a bitter clip to his voice.This surprised Hermione in more ways than one. Sure, Astoria Greengrass was a pureblooded witch, but Hermione thought something like a blood curse would have made her a less attractive choice for the Malfoy heir.She couldn’t stop herself from asking the next part, politeness be damned. He’d come to investigate them for wrongdoing, perhaps he could do with a little interrogating as well.“Did that make it easier, knowing it was coming?”He hadn’t looked away from the garden all this time, but she saw his throat work slightly before he answered.“No.”

'Til Death Do Us Part by bienfaeng - E, one-shot - She’d been feeding the boy poison for weeks. Angel’s hair, silver-grey and grown from seed in church soil, crushed in holy water with baby’s breath plucked under a new moon. A benign brew, and by all accounts the most innocent thing she’d concocted in over seven-hundred years. But for once, Hermione wasn’t doing the devil’s bidding. She was going to reverse it.Hermione and Draco have a marital spat on the night of their anniversary.

Crazy in Love by riddikulus_puff - E, one-shot - Hermione Granger had slowly been destroyed by the destruction that was the Second Wizarding War. Every single member fighting for the good side had been so incredibly optimistic that the War would end on the 2nd of May 1998 but that wasn't what happened, it didn't end. The Wizarding War had continued going. Voldemort had won. Hermione had to watch as death tore its way through bodies and ended them in an instant. Hermione wasn't so lucky. Death was never going to arrive on her doorstep. While distracted in the Battle of Hogwarts, looking for Harry, Hermione had been captured by a masked Death Eater. Everything had been taken from Hermione. Her mother. Dead. Her father. Dead. Her best friends. Tortured then murdered. Her dignity. Ruined. Her virginity. Nonexistent. Everything had been ripped away from Hermione. She had become a shadow as she was forced to become a plaything. The number one Mudblood. She was passed to every single Death Eater, used before being pushed towards the next one. She was crazy. Crazy in love.A one-shot for the 2023 Truly Madly Deeply FestInspired by the song 'Crazy in Love' by Beyoncé

I Won’t Let Them Take You (Alive) by DracoIsForLovers, LiloLilyAnn - E, one-shot - She was beautiful, and strong, and the smartest person he had ever known. Which is why it was no surprise to Draco that she had gotten away with her plan.Hermione and Draco fell in love on the cusp of a war. In a misguided attempt to keep him safe, a worn down version of Hermione locks him away. She won’t let the Dark Lord take him, or anyone else for that matter. [READ ALL WARNINGS]

because you're mine by nyquilsquirrel - E, one-shot - Danger was an illusion, easily avoidable in reality if one was a methodical planner, methodically accounting for any potential degrees of deviance– quick on their feet, able to adapt at a moment’s notice– recalculating and recalibrating accordingly.Draco’s life– his heavenly, wonderful life– could have been rife with danger. But it was not.Nothing stood in his way. Not where Hermione was concerned.Nothing motivated a man more than his family– more than his wife.Nothing motivated Draco more than Hermione. [READ ALL WARNINGS]

Wicked Games by CatastrophicallyFaz - M, WIP - The world was on fire, and no one could save me. But you.Draco Malfoy had such a crush on Hermione Granger - the war heroine, someone way out of his league, someone who was infinitely better than him.But for some unknown reason, she liked him back.But can their love survive?

Twisted Reflections by Bitsandpieces12 - E, WIP - Hermione Granger, New defense against the dark arts professer, has been cursed. Cursed to live out the rest of her life without her sight.Draco Malfoy, New Potions Professor, is also cursed. Cursed to spend his days guilty, because he knows his family can cure his new college, and budding crush, but they refuse to help her.Astoria Greengrass, finishing up her eigth year is also cursed. Cursed to watch her ex boyfriend fall in love with his colleague. She's willing to do anything to stop them. [READ ALL WARNINGS]

Love the Way You Lie by GardenAtTwilight - E, one-shot - Hermione and Draco are in a toxic relationship, repeating the same patterns over and over. She always swears she’ll stop. Always swears she’ll change. He knows that love is pain. Maybe that’s why he stays.

Life Grows Colder by ohthedrarry - M, one-shot - Description: Draco Malfoy remembers a lot of things. He remembers the way that Hermione’s hair curled around his finger and the way that his name sounded coming from her lips. He remembers desperately trying to save her, as she desperately tried to save him, both of them meeting in the middle with a promise of forever at the end of so much pain. And he remembers having a second chance. A second chance he’s still waiting for.Or: The year is 2003, but Draco is still in 1998.

Darling by emdash73 - E, one-shot - Draco has tried to stay away from her. Really, he has. But the worst part of him can't leave her alone for good.

Truly Madly Deeply Fest 2024:

Dark Horse by anna_h_ofeliya - E, WIP - "We're working on discovering the origins of magic.""Yes, right," he huffed.He stared at the parchment more, looking at the variations of ancient spells for Diffindo and Reducto. He expected Granger to continue, or refute her statement but nothing came off it."What are we working on, Granger?"She smirked."I’m looking to discover the source of magic in our blood, Malfoy." [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

Heart-Shaped Box by madameindemnity - E, WIP - What is love if not an all-consuming addiction?After 11 years in Azkaban prison, Draco Malfoy unexpectedly finds himself a free man at last. What does he decide to do with this freedom? Develop a soul-crushing obsession with Hermione Granger-Weasley, of course.Upon reentering the world, determined to lock himself away for the rest of his days, he is forced immediately into joining a long-standing ritual of Friday night drinks. He sees that the life he imagined for Hermione is not at all the one she is living, she seems to be miserable - exhausted, overworked, and trapped in a loveless marriage.For Draco, this simply will not do. He will use any means necessary to have her for his own, including but not limited to: stalking, lying, shapeshifting, gaslighting, violence, and murder. [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

Pretty Girls, Dressed in Blue by GimletSour - E, WIP - Hermione gets abducted by a serial killer that lives in a house haunted by the ghosts of his previous victims.He's just looking for love, Hermione just wants to survive, and the girls, well... all the girls want is revenge. [READ ALL WARNINGS]

I Love You Always Forever by EvergreenTuesdays - E, 3 chapters - One drunken mistake has Hermione facing a lifetime of consequences she’d never prepared for.This is a DARK story written for a dark fest.  [READ ALL WARNINGS]

Strength Blooms in the Break by LadyUrsa - E, WIP - Draco has seen it all as a representative of the Wizengamot on panels for auror disciplinary actions. But when Granger is the one facing repercussions, he's not prepared for how deep her trauma goes. – All Hermione wants is for someone to sign her fucking form and let her get back to work. Harry is overreacting. She’s not going to kill anyone else. She doesn’t need to live with someone. She doesn’t need to learn occlumency. She doesn’t need to have her wand taken away.She’s not broken.She’s fine. [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

Derangement by SarahFraser - E, WIP - After 15 years of marriage, Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy have accepted that they'll never have children. It is something they've learned to live with and accept. In the fall of 2017, shortly after Hermione's 38th birthday, she begins to experience lapses in her memory of small things. Misplacing her wand, remembering an appointment, and other small things.Not wanting to concern her husband, she decides against telling him. One night, however, during one of Hermione's sleepwalking episodes, Draco finds her believing that Hermione had gone to bed feeling ill. When Draco approaches her, Hermione doesn't recognize him and attacks, fearful of her safety. After this, Draco insists they meet with a renowned mind healer, Theodore Nott. At this time, they discover, against all odds, that Hermione has become pregnant. The only problem? Draco's Aunt Bellatrix carved a curse in Hermione's arm to cause her to slowly lose her mind if she ever tried to continue her dirty bloodline. In the depths of their despair, the married couple lean on Theo for comfort, and Theo finds himself slowly falling for them both. [Draco x Hermione x Theo] [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

The Girl With the Most Cake by AuroraNyx - E, WIP - Hermione Granger had always been attracted to Draco Malfoy. She had shrugged it off, being self-aware enough to recognize it as a teenage "bad boy fantasy" phase.After he defected to the Order of the Phoenix and played a critical role in the defeat of Voldemort and the Victory of the Light in the Second Wizarding War, he became Wizarding England's hottest bachelor and Hermione was once again smitten.She was determined to figure out exactly how to be the girl that won Draco Malfoy's heart. Research had always been her forte and how better to learn how to make Draco fall in love with her than to study the witches that had come before her. [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

Ouroboros by WillowingScribe - E, WIP - In a world in which muggle-borns have to fight ever-changing horrors in weekly trials to amuse bored Death Eaters, Hermione's only hope for survival and comfort is the goodwill of her mentor, Draco Malfoy. [READ ALL WARNINGS]

Every Breath You Take by acapulcogold - E, one-shot - From the outside looking in, Draco Malfoy had a perfect life: wealth beyond his wildest dreams, superior genes, and a loving, pregnant, pureblood wife. He had never intended to find out that he liked filth, that he liked his women as dirty and tainted as his sense of morality.He knew not to fly too close to the sun; he was a cautious man. But there was no harm in watching, just from afar. [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

Let’s Spend the Night Together, From Now Until Forever by Ceilidhchaos - E, WIP - Theo has disappeared. Draco's search has been fruitless until it wasn't. The results of finding Theo are beyond anything Draco could have imagined and even his own memories won't be safe afterwards.~~~~A Dark Hermione story of obsession, possession and forgetting. [READ ALL WARNINGS]

Only Murders in the Ministry by charingfae - E, WIP - As the top two Aurors at the Ministry, Draco Malfoy and Tom Riddle are in a constant (unspoken) war. The task? Solve as many damn murder cases as possible to impress their boss. The prize? Hermione Granger's affections.Tensions rise as the two men battle it out, each of them willing to do whatever it takes to win....Including a little murdering. [READ ALL WARNINGS]

Get in the Water by thisisanomdeplume - M, WIP - Epic tales of war and love condensed into pages and pages of written words, they were Hermione’s safe place— until she found herself in the setting of a saga the likes of which could impact generations. Can she rise to the occasion like the heroes she had always read about?An AU with Arthurian Legend themes: Merlin, King Arthur, and the Lady of the Lake.Canon divergence after the Battle at the Department of Mysteries. [Draco x Hermione x Tom Riddle] [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

A Rose on the Grey by Dizzle00 - E, one-shot - Draco was already in so deep, Hermione had no idea. He was deeply in love with her, and he was also in deep, deep shit.And now he was livid.Rose had made Hermione break up with him. She’d snuck into his bedroom, seduced him, made him come. Made him betray his own son. She was ruining his life.OrWhen his daughter-in-law, Rose, threatens his relationship with her mother, Hermione, Draco does what he has to do. [READ ALL WARNINGS]

Water by mr_pibb - E, one-shot - She screamed on the floor of the ballroom; Draco’s cock twitched. Hermione’s voice had a way of making his knees weak and his breath catch in the back of his throat. Had Bellatrix not been in the room separating him from her, Draco would have had Hermione on her knees for him. His ejaculate would be the cool drink to soothe her raw throat. [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

Chasing Darkness by LadyMorphia - M, WIP - Draco Malfoy had always been an expert at self-preservation. Maybe that’s why he decided to trick Granger into drinking a love potion. After all, he needed her to testify on his behalf in front of the Wizengamot.“No,” he said, admonishing her, “you don’t have to do that.”It was too late. The bushy-haired swot was down on her knees, looking up at him with an odd expression he had never quite observed in anyone ever before.“You could have hurt me, but you didn’t. You’re a good man, Draco Malfoy. I know the voice inside tells you otherwise, but you deserve love. And I want to love you.” [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

(No doubt in my mind) Where You Belong by aCanadianMuggle - M, one-shot - Hermione Granger has spent her career at the Department of Mysteries, learning the depths of the Death Room. Now she's ready to put that learning into action and get back the boy Death snatched away too early. [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

a thousand years by riddikulus_puff - E, one-shot - The clocks stopped ticking all of a sudden. A spreading stench of rot and mould wafted through her senses as she crept through the corridor, her wand alight with a crackling Lumos as she kept her movements slow and cautious. The hallway light bulbs were flickering on and off. The atmosphere was thick with something not quite right, the scent of creepiness floating through the tight space, doors creaking as the floorboards joined in with the uneasy feeling that Hermione was already feeling.There was this sense that someone was watching her, obsessing over her, keeping a close eye on her like they were protecting her from danger. [READ ALL WARNINGS]

The Old Ball and Chain by LiloLilyAnn - M, one-shot - Reformed Death Eater and winner of Witch Weekly’s Most Eligible Bachelor for the last three years, Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger, war heroine, have officially announced their engagement.Is there love in the air... or something else? [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

Come Morning Light by iftreescouldspeak - M, one-shot - “Those who fight monsters are susceptible to becoming monsters themselves.” His hands were cold when he brought his fingers to her cheek. “I should know. Let me take care of them for you.” [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

Before I Met You by sundayviolet - E, one-shot - It’s an old pureblood tradition that young witches and wizards discover their soulmate before they even set foot at Hogwarts. When Draco's parents dismiss the oracle they hired, unsatisfied with the woman's answer, they make a decision that will cost Draco in ways they could never understand. Upon unearthing their secret, Draco knows he’ll stop at nothing to attain what’s his. [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

Every night, Every day by Goldenbucky - E, one-shot - Hermione has been on the run for two years. Only using muggle money. No wand. No friends. No family.And absolutely no magic.All to avoid him. She had been careful.But he always manages to find her. [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

When Dragons Drown by Wanderingxfae - M, one-shot -  When Hermione saves him from Azkaban and offers friendship and forgiveness, will Draco have a shot at happiness? Or will he get in his own way? [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

As You Wish by Sniper_Jade - E, WIP - After an encounter with the Room of Destinies, Unspeakable Hermione Granger finds a magic lamp in the depths of the ministry stacks. To add on top of that, a mysterious Black family artefact, an endlessly frustrating Draco Malfoy and a cryptic genie, Hermione’s life is about to be turned upside down. When the madness starts to spread and affect Malfoy’s life as well, will she be able to fix it or will she be left to regret her choices forever?Be careful what you wish for. [READ ALL WARNINGS]

Look at Me by allofthelights11 - M, one-shot - Draco still remembered the first time he saw her.He’d been walking through the streets, minding his own business. A flutter of movement had caught his eye from a second-story window just above the street. The wind had snagged the gauzy cream fabric of a drapery, and a girl had come to close the window. Her hair had been similarly caught in the breeze, and the rippling effect had entranced him.Had she looked at him? He thought she had, and for some reason, his feet carried him into her building and up the stairs.The knob had turned under his hand. [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

Learn to Let Go by ParksandFiction - E, 3 chapters - After discovering the extent of Draco Malfoy’s lies and manipulations, Hermione Granger sets out to expose him for who he truly is. The post-war reputation he curated is nearly untouchable, but Hermione wasn’t the only woman he wronged. In a world built and run by pureblood men, Hermione and Astoria will show Draco that there is no place left for him to hide, but that freedom comes when you learn to let go. [Draco x Hermione x Astoria] [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

I'm Here to Remind You by bookish_clf (clf1646) - E, one-shot - I gaze at the knife in my hands, crimson blood flowing down the blade and pooling at its tip, waiting for the slow drip, drip, drip onto the floor beneath me.He didn’t know it when he left me.That it would come to this.I stare at the lifeless form of his body on the bed, and when I turn to leave I store the memory of what it felt like to fuck him one last time.*****Or, Hermione and Draco happy in love, find out they have a stalker. [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

angel by forestknifefight - E, one-shot - Hermione is torn: he wants her to free him of this curse, but it would hurt him so badly that she could never bring herself to do it. That and she wants to be a little selfish.Draco is just so beautiful like this. [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

I Wanna Know by kcg07 - E, one-shot - Hermione's eighth year takes an unexpected turn when she finds Draco and Theo in the library and they invite her to sit with them, leading to a passionate relationship where the men are well-meaning but overpowering. It is a whirlwind for her, all too fast, but it is everything she wanted. Can she make peace with what her life has become, even if it is at the cost of her golden Gryffindor reputation? And better yet, can she make peace with who Draco and Theo really are?Note: This is written for a darkfest, there are tags and content that I know are not for everyone. Please use the tagging system to avoid stories like these if they are not your cup of tea. This is not in any way meant to depict a healthy relationship. [Draco x Hermione x Theo] [READ ALL WARNINGS]  

This fest is ongoing.

[casino-lights]

would love to hear 1 + 4 for lidia !!!!

thank you for the ask!!! the answers are below the cut to save everyone's dashes lmao

1: an overheard conversation about your OC

A note in Lucanis’ careful hand:

I know you said I owe you nothing, but enough has been said behind your back lately. I heard your name mentioned between Caterina and Teia; I feel you deserve to know. I will try to remind Caterina of your merits, but if she truly disapproved of you, you would know. Still, you know as well as I that her favor is temperamental at best.

C: Lidia is a fine Crow, but she is no longer tied to House Dellamorte. I believe she would serve House Cantori better.

T: Respectfully, I disagree. She is very much still tied to House Dellamorte, and House Cantori is doing well enough that I’d be comfortable declining.

C: She will never truly be a Dellamorte unless she marries in, and she seems uninterested given recent events.

T: She’s conflicted. Give her time.

C: Illario deserves neither her forgiveness nor her hand.

T: It doesn’t matter what he deserves. Lucanis is still her family. And Illario, as stupid as he was, as cruel as he was, still means something to her. His idiocy didn’t dampen their feelings for each other as much as they’d each like to think.

C: She would be foolish to return to him.

T: Return? She should kill him, but there aren’t enough Dellamortes left to go around killing the few we do have. Otherwise you would have done it by now.

C: Nonsense. I would have Lucanis do it.

T: Well, since that isn’t going to happen, we’ll just have to let Lidia work it out on her own. And while she does, she’ll keep getting her jobs from you.

C: From the First Talon, you mean.

T: I said what I meant. Lucanis is still working on his current contract, and if he gives her anything, it will be four-person jobs with himself, his cousin, and Rook at the same time. A proper Crow family outing. You know he likes to bring family on jobs.

Caterina just scoffed at this. It’s worrying how well Teia predicted our last job. 

As an aside, please know I would never kill you on Caterina’s orders. As the First Talon, I swear this to you: you will never die at the hands of a Dellamorte, and anyone else who tries will have to go through me.

4: a letter from your OC to their love interest

An unsent letter, crumpled after seemingly being saved from a fire:

Illario,

I don’t know what exactly to say, so I’m writing this in the hopes that it will be more coherent than a conversation. I am, firstly and most sincerely, so, so sorry. I know your feelings toward Caterina were complicated on good days, but it’s still a loss, and if you need anything, you know I’ll be here. While I’m hoping you won’t stop eating like you did after Lucanis’ wake, I will make you pastina again if you do. If it tastes better than usual, that has nothing to do with Lucanis’ return, I swear. You don’t have to do everything alone, but that being said, I hope his presence doesn’t mean you stop sharing your feelings with me because you feel like you’ve put too much on me over this year.

I don’t want to make this about myself, but I still feel like this is at least partially my fault. If I hadn’t followed you after you led Rook to the docks, you would have returned to the Diamond, or at the very least, I would have been there. You know I would have fought to the death. Not that Teia and Viago didn’t, of course, and I know we lost a few other good Crows that day, but maybe you and I could have made a difference. I don’t know. I should have just left it alone. Not every bad feeling I have is some terrible premonition, and I need to trust you more than I did that day.

I’m sure you had a lovely date planned around that necklace, too. Stealing those few hours just for us felt so freeing at the time but now I just wonder what was happening at the Diamond while we were sneaking into the villa. Now I don’t even want to go back there. There aren’t enough words to tell you how sorry I am.

I’m sure you would just comfort me as always. Maybe that’s why I’m writing this instead of telling you in person. Maybe I want to apologize a dozen times and linger in my self-imposed guilt longer than you would let me, you beautiful sap. You never can stand to see me upset. Just let me have this for a moment and don’t rush to reassure me “if it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine” like you always do.

Please take care of yourself, Rio. I love you. I’ll always–

The letter is too charred to read further. Barely legible is the signature “your Lidia” with the top of the L curling into a heart.