#she thought about pushing away!! she was terrified!! it legit brought her to her knees when it left!!

[frenchy-and-the-sea]

The fact that the fates aligned that the spiritual being that was (sort of) possessing our antagonist reached out to Val for help (whose deepest fear is losing control to something/someone else) is already so good, but the fact that they did it with a gesture of an open hand, which is something she CANNOT ignore, is making my whole brain spin.

[houseof-harry]

What Happened in Jersey Pt. 3 | G.D.

A/N - YALL! Buckle up, I’ve been working on this part for legit a week and I’m proud of how it came out. It’s a little long, but so much happens so get excited! Let me know what you think! Read Part 2 here!!!

Word Count - 7.6K

Warnings - mentions of smut

***

Recap:

“Don’t freak yourself out, though. He’s a good guy,” Jessie sighs. You rub your hands over your stomach, getting lost in your thoughts. That’s when you remember something very important that you don’t know about Grayson.

“What’s his number?”

“Grayson’s?” Jessie laughs out.

“No, my other baby daddy,” you joke.

“I’ll give it to you and then we’ll head to breakfast?” You sit up and nod.

“Thank god that’s over. Things can only get better from here, right?”

***

The next couple of weeks were pretty nice and uneventful. You got Grayson’s number and, as he said, you texted every day. You’d actually Facetime a lot, too. He says it’s because he wants to see the baby bump once it starts to come in.

You would tell him about your day, related to the pregnancy and not, and he would tell you about his adventures with Ethan and all the things he found doing his research on the internet. He keeps you updated on the fruit or vegetable that’s continuing to grow inside you as the time passes. He tried to find any solution he can to your morning sickness that has persisted. He even sent you a couple care packages with the things you said you craved, but it usually would come too late for you to enjoy. The look of the foods would make you nauseous, but your roommates loved the free treats.

The great part of all of this is that you have a relationship forming with your baby daddy, who will inevitably be in your life forever.

The bad part of all of this is that you are definitely falling for him.

You had a crush on him, and to be quite frank who wouldn’t. This hot guy has not only been talking to you every day, checking in with you and making sure you’re okay, but you’re literally pregnant with his baby. From having hot ass sex in the bathroom at New Year’s.

So it was safe to say you were into him. Which terrified you. Because there was no way he was into you. You were constantly ready for him to just never respond again, or for him to totally drop you and your baby for someone else, someone else with way less baggage. So you would do your best to keep it friendly and push him away whenever you felt like things were getting past friendly. You know, the healthy way to deal with your emotions.

Little to your knowledge, Grayson definitely had it worse than you. A part of him believed this was the universe giving him a huge ass sign that this was his future. You and your baby together were the beginning of your future as a family. But, he also recognizes that he is a hopeless romantic and has done this many times before. However, never with a baby involved and he was terrified of scaring you away. So he would try his best to keep everything friendly. Of course, he always miserably failed.

Your roommates and friends were definitely catching on to what was happening. They knew you were talking to the guy you met over winter break. However, you still managed to keep the news of the pregnancy to yourself. Given, you used bribery as your main mode of keeping their excited minds at bay, but if it works then it works. If they brought up your sickness or any of your other odd behavior, you’d remind them of the free food from the care packages you would give them and if they wanted it to continue, they should be minding their business. A bit harsh, but they wouldn’t let up otherwise.

You managed to get to spring break without anyone asking the big question, and you were grateful for it. You weren’t sure how you’d lie to them.

Your best friend’s house would be a different story. Anna will notice every little change in you that’s happened since you last saw her in December, and you definitely would not be able to come up with a lie to explain it all away. So you decide that as soon as she asks, you’d spill.

That actually went pretty smoothly. She was supportive and excited for you. However, she didn’t trust Grayson one bit and had even found his Instagram (despite you withholding his last name) and showed you his 9 million followers. This made you spiral a bit. Were you ruining his career? Did he have a life in LA he could never leave for your baby? Is he going to bring all these influencers around your baby?

Before you can control your actions, you’re facetiming Grayson.

His bright smile pops up on your screen. “Hey sweet girl, what’s up?” Every time he calls you that it makes you feel warm inside. It terrifies you because you don’t want to get to attached to him when you’re just friends. Who are having a baby together. Just friends who are having a baby together.

When he notices your furrowed brow and your lack of a smile, his happiness vanishes and is replaced with concern. “What’s wrong?”

“Anna showed me your Instagram,” you mumble. You’re almost embarrassed. You sound like a child. You instantly regret calling him.

“Anna did what?” He brings the phone closer to him so he can hear better.

“Anna found your Instagram and showed it to me.” “Oh.” You nod. “What…what did you think? Pretty douchy?” This makes you giggle as you shake your head. He lets out a breath once he sees your small smile.

“No. Just a lot of followers and stuff. I didn’t know you guys were that well known or anything.”

He coughs awkwardly and nods. “Uh, yeah. Is that okay?”

You sigh and frown. Your intention was never to make him feel bad about it.

“Of course. It’s your job, and your passion. I love watching you edit and stuff. You never have to be scared of what I think, I’ll always support you. Just intimidates me a bit, knowing that eventually 9 million people are going to be involved in my life.”

“We will do everything we can to keep you and our strawberry safe and off social media for as long as you want. Ethan already knows that’s the plan too and we’ve been filming some random videos for if we are ever out of commission for a little while for you guys.”

Thinks makes you smile while your features soften. You bite your lip, deciding on whether or not you should share all of your concerns.

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” Grayson has gotten really good at reading you, even over the phone. You’d like to think it’s the emotions of the pregnancy that give you away, but he’ll catch you even when you think you’re hiding it well.

“I dunno.” You shrug and look away, bringing your knees to your body.

“Liar. Come on, what’s going on? I can’t help make you feel better if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

Your bottom lip quivers as you try your best to stop the tears from clouding your vision. He was always so nice to you, and it made you wanna cry every time.

“I don’t know. It just got me thinking about how your life is in LA and eventually you’ll meet someone out there and then I’ll be here just figuring things out alone. I don’t know, scares me sometimes to think about it.” You refuse to look at him while you speak and you’re met with silence at first.

“Y/N, why are you always waiting for something to go wrong? I’m dedicated to our baby for the rest of forever, and I’m dedicated to you too,” he sighs. He looks like he’s about to say something else but decides against it.

“Sorry. It’s hard for me to trust people easily. Not that you’ve done anything wrong, you’ve actually done everything you could. I just-“ you bite your lip, hesitant to continue. Maybe you shouldn’t be loading your trauma onto him right before bed.

“Hey, I get it. It’s okay. Every time you’re scared of any of that, remember you’re not in it alone and we’re going to do everything together, good and bad. Plus, we get to finally see each other again in a couple of days. And, we get to see baby on the screen.” He smiles, rubbing his chest. His reminder makes you wipe under your eyes as you nod. “Plus, I’ve planned a day in the city for us and Ethan to do some fun shit.  It’s gonna be a good week, sweet girl. Can I see your smile?” This instantly makes you smile and he can’t stop cheesing either.  “It’s late there. You should be sleeping. Are you good to sleep? Or do you wanna stay on the phone a bit longer?”

You look at the clock and see it’s 1 am. Your eyes widen as you take a big breath in. “Uh, yeah I should go to bed. You don’t have to stay on with me, I’m sure you’ve got stuff to do.” You start to get under your covers, laying back.

“I’m gonna get in bed, too. We can stay on for a bit until you fall asleep. Gotta rest up for our strawberry.”

You breathe deeply through your nose to calm your emotions before agreeing. Maybe having his presence there, even over the phone, will make you feel better.

You get under your covers and settle in, putting your phone on the pillow next to you. It was nice hearing his breathing, and you closed your eyes.

“Thank you,” you mumble, barely audible. You assume he doesn’t even hear it. Hell, he might be asleep already.

“Anything for my sweet girl.” You hear him breathe out.

Your body instantly relaxes, and you’re finally able to fall asleep.

***

Wednesday quickly rolls around and before you know it, you’re on the road to your appointment.

Grayson would be meeting you at the office. You had sent him the address yesterday after his flight got in. You felt bad for having a morning appointment because he’s three hours behind coming from California on top of the fact that he had a farther drive. That was the only appointment you could get for that week, though.

You get a call from him when you’re five minutes away.

“Hey Gray.” You know you sound nervous, but you hope he ignores it.

“Hey. I’m here. Want me to wait in the parking lot or should I go in?” You can hear the roughness of his voice, he must be exhausted.

“Uh, wait in the parking lot. It’s a big building, kinda hard to navigate. I’m only five minutes away.”

“Perfect, I’m in the orange truck. See you soon”

You smile, but remember he can’t see you. “Okay, see you soon.” You hang up and the butterflies instantly begin in your tummy.

The last time you were with Grayson in person he was making you pregnant. You hoped that the last month and a half of talking will make it easy to be in person with him, but you never know. What if it’s awkward and uncomfortable?

You pull into the parking lot and you see his truck instantly. Not many people have orange pickups in your area. Or in general, you’d assume. You pull into the spot next to his passenger side door. He looks up when your car pulls in, and his bright smile is painted across his face. He’s jumping out of his car before you’ve even stopped yours. You grab your purse and get out, closing the door and looking up. He’s antsy on his feet waiting at the back of the cars for you to walk to him.

“Hi sweet girl.” He opens his arms as you walk towards him and you allow your body to collide with his. His arms are around you in an instant and you hold him close to you by his torso. It feels like the world has stopped. He smells clean and fresh, just like he did the last time and it overwhelms your senses.

He rubs your back, not moving away from you and you definitely don’t complain. Hugging him has made you feel calmer than you had felt since you first found out you were pregnant. He was a safe haven while the rest of the world continued to go on.

Eventually, you turn your head to look up at him, keeping him in your arms, your chin resting on his chest with a wide smile plastered on your face. “Hey.”

“How are you feeling? Excited?” He smooths one of his hands over your hair before cupping your cheek.

You nod. “Yeah. It’ll be the first appointment where I can hear the heartbeat. I’m just excited to see our baby.”

He smiles. “Our baby, yeah. God, it’s so good to be here with you. Good to hold you.” He squats down and holds your stomach, his face coming close to your slightly pudgy belly. Your hands rest on his shoulders while your cheeks heat up.

“Hi, baby. It’s nice to finally meet you. Thanks for watching out for your mama, she doesn’t actually like being alone as much as she says she does.” You laugh at this, rubbing your hand over the spot he’s talking to.

“We need to go in if we wanna be on time.” You grab his wrists and pull him back up. He puts a hand on your lower back as you start to walk.

You make it into the building, check in, and are called back. The nurse gets everything she needs from you and leaves you and Grayson alone in the exam room.

He’s pacing around as you sit on the exam table, refusing to look.

“What’s up?” You interrupt his thoughts, a concerned look on your face.

“Huh? Oh. It’s just crazy that I’m meeting our baby for the first time today. Really wild. In a good way though.” He smiles and walks next to you. Before you can respond, there’s a knock and then your doctor is walking in.

“Hey, Y/N.” He smiles at you.

“Hi Dr. Jordan.” You wave.

“And you must be the father. Dr. Jordan, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” He holds his hand out to Grayson and he shakes it.

“Grayson,” is all he says.

“So, we’re having a baby?” His smile widens as you and Grayson both nod back.

“Yeah, we are,” you respond.

“Let’s cut to the chase then and check up on ‘em. How does that sound?” He moves around, getting the ultrasound machine ready to go.

“Really good.” You smile at Grayson and he gives you a small one back. You can see he’s really nervous, so once you lay back and lift your shirt to just below your boobs, you’re grabbing his hand in yours. This appears to ground him a bit as he starts breathing normally again.

The doctor moves your pants down a bit so they’re out of the way before grabbing the gel.

“It’s going to be a bit cold.” You nod and gasp when the gel hits your skin, gripping Grayson a bit harder, a shiver running up your spine. Grayson squeezes you back and you look at him. He’s watching the screen as the doctor moves the wand around.

Dr. Jordan is quiet for a little while you watch him. All of a sudden, you hear a thumping from the machine and Dr. Jordan smiles.

“That’s a heartbeat, guys.” Your free hand goes over your heart, your eyes filling with tears. Grayson looks close to crying too. He lifts your hand to kiss the back of it.

“Baby looks nice and healthy, growing at the right rate. Y/N, I’m gonna ask you to get a blood draw and to leave a urine sample, but otherwise you guys are good to go. Any questions?” Dr. Jordan asks while he wipes the gel off your stomach.

You and Grayson both look at each other, tears still threatening to spill and smiles on your face. You shake your head, unwillingly looking away and back at Dr. Jordan. “No, I think we’re good.”

Dr. Jordan smiles at the both of you. “Sounds good. Call us if you ever have any questions, okay? And congratulations, I’m excited for you both.” He stands and leaves.

You let go of Grayson’s hand to sit up and adjust your clothes. He continues to stand there just watching you. When you hop off and look up at him, a tear has rolled down his cheek.

“Are you okay?” Your brows pull together in concern and you grab his biceps lightly, rubbing up and down. This seems to snap him out of his trance a bit.

“Uh, yeah. That was just really incredible. We met our baby today. You’re growing our baby in here,” he puts both hands on your stomach and you giggle.

“Yeah, I am.”

“Thank you.” He looks so sincerely into your eyes, making you blush.

“You ready to go?” You ask, walking away from him to grab your purse. This man is way too powerful to be making you feel a certain type of way. You are two friends having a baby. A friend baby.

He looks a bit hurt for a moment but quickly recovers. “Uh, yeah.” He walks to the door and opens it for you.

You get your tests all done and figured out, and schedule your next appointment for around Easter so that you’d have an excuse to be home from school. Before you know it, you and Grayson are walking out of the doctor’s office. He’s got an arm around your shoulder as you approach your cars.

“Can I bring you and strawberry to lunch? I don’t wanna leave you guys yet,” he says sheepishly, almost like he was nervous to ask you.

“Sure,” you smile up at him and wrap your arm around his waist. He lets out a breath of air he had been holding in and relaxes a bit.

“Cool. I’ll drive us and bring you back here after. Don’t need you woozy behind the wheel after your blood draw.” He rubs your shoulder.

“How is it that we are literally having a baby together and you somehow treat me like I’m the baby?” You laugh.

“One day you’ll let me take care of you,” he chuckles, shaking his head as you part ways to get into his truck.

You get into the passenger seat, buckling in. You were floating on cloud nine, it felt like you and Grayson were actually a little family.

Your thoughts are interrupted when he gets into his seat and adjusts.

“Can I ask you something?” He asks while he buckles.

“Of course.”

“Do you think we could, like, record a little video update or something?” You raise your brows, a bit confused.

“Of what?”

“Just like our thoughts and reactions and stuff. I was thinking I could put a video together at the end of all this for us and our baby when we’re all older and wanna remember. It wouldn’t go on YouTube or anything, not unless you wanted it to. And you probably don’t know a better video editor to do this project,” he bites his lip and raises his eyebrows while trying to gauge your reaction.

Your eyes are suddenly filled with tears again, thinking about how much Grayson really loves this baby. You nod and wipe under your eyes. “Yeah, that’d be cute,” you squeak out, not trying to let on how affected you are buy his words.

“Hey, don’t cry.” He moves his hand to rub your thigh. “Only good things, sweet girl.”

You nod and laugh. “I know. Everything makes me cry now.” You sniffle and breath in, collecting yourself a bit. “I’m ready, let’s do it.”

He reaches into his pocket and brings his phone out, holding it up so that you’re both in the frame. He starts to record and you watch the both of you on the screen. “Hello to whoever is lucky enough to be shown this video.” This makes you giggle, and he smiles. “We just got out of our first appointment together and saw our little baby for the first time.” He instinctively puts his hand on your stomach and your hand goes on top of his. “If you’re our precious baby watching this, we are so excited to meet you. Your mama and I already love you so much.” This makes you squeeze his hand and he looks over to you. “Anything you wanna say?”

“I dunno. What do you think I should say?” You giggle, your cheeks flushing when you meet his eyes.

“Anything you’ll wanna remember in a couple years. I know it’s weird talking to a camera at first, but I’ll cut this all out.” His gaze is kind and patient while you think of what you want to say.

“It’s still so surreal that I’m even pregnant, but hearing our baby’s heartbeat today has made me so grateful I’m able to be in this position. I’ve been so excited to be a mom my whole life, so if you’re my beautiful baby watching, thank you for making my dreams come true.” You smile at the camera and Grayson keeps his eyes on you. You look to him expectantly.

He shakes his head as if to clear his thoughts before turning to look at the camera.

“We’re about to go feed mama and baby now, as long as they’re feeling good of course. If baby is watching this still, thank your mom for all she went through for you when she was growing you, she’s working hard,” he chuckles and you laugh.

“I’m feeling good right now. Want a turkey BLT, actually.”

“What the woman wants, she gets. We’ll see you whenever the next exciting thing happens.” He turns the recording off and puts his phone away, starting the car.

“That’s gonna be really cute,” you sigh, the smile still sitting on your face.

“Yeah, I think it’ll be nice to have when we want to look back on all of this,” he pauses. “Do you know somewhere nearby with good sandwiches?”

“Yeah, there’s a deli like five minutes from here.”

You and Grayson head to the deli and have a nice lunch. Well, you do. Grayson eats a plain roll and pickles because all of the sandwiches had meat on them. You felt really bad, but he assured you it was okay because your little strawberry was craving a BLT.

Once you finish your sandwich, you notice he’s kind of zoned out.

“Grayson?” You look at him, folding your trash up while he just stares at you.

“Come stay with me for the rest of your break,” he blurts out all of a sudden. Your eyes widen.

“What?”

“Come stay for the next few days. We’re not going to get a lot of time together until you’re already halfway through everything.”

You start laughing awkwardly. “Grayson, I can’t just live with your family for a few days, they don’t know me. We don’t really know each other. Wouldn’t that be weird?”

He opens his mouth to rebuttal, but closes it again to think for a moment.

“It’s okay, Grayson. We don’t have to act like any of this is normal, we don’t have to force anything. Everything you’ve done for me has really been for strawberry. Don’t feel like you have any obligation to me.”

Grayson looks a bit hurt by your words, but nods. “Ready to go?” He stands up.

You sigh and nod, getting up with him. You throw your trash out and walk out with him. His hand doesn’t reach for you.

When you’re both settled back into his car, he sighs out your name so that you’ll look at him.

“I know this is all weird and stuff, but we’re going to have to be friends to raise this baby together. And my friends have come to stay with me at this house before. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything. Nine months isn’t a long time to start, never mind the fact that we won’t really see each other until you graduate, and I want us to be in the best place possible for our baby.” He starts the car, not looking at you while he finishes speaking.

“I’m sorry I got weird. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything for me.” You cross your arms, trying to shrink into the cushions of your seat.

“You’re right, technically I don’t. But I’m not a piece of shit and I plan on being a good dad. Plus, any friend of Jessie’s is a friend of mine, so even if you hadn’t gotten pregnant, we still would have hung out whenever you were in Jersey. I do what I want, and this is what I want to do.” He stops at a red light and looks at you for a second to see a pout on your lips. “And I hate being the reason you don’t smile. So, if you wanna, come stay with me for the next few days let’s do it, but if that makes you uncomfortable you should stay with Anna. We’re in the same boat, we both don’t have do anything we don’t want to.”

You sit there silently, pondering for a moment. A part of you dwells on the fact that he said you guys are friends, but friends don’t have other friend’s babies and then have them stay at their house with their family. The other part of you wants to throw caution to the wind and just enjoy your time with him before he moves on to start a life with someone for real.

“I’ll come,” you mumble. It almost surprises you more than Grayson that that’s your answer. You’re gonna blame the hormones for making you so impulsive.

“Okay.” His smile grows across his face. “Do you wanna come tomorrow morning so that you can have one more night with Anna?”

“Yeah, they’re gonna want to have dinner with me tonight if I’m not going to see them for a while.”

You guys pull back into the doctor’s office parking lot and he brings you back to your car. He parks and turns to you.

“I’m really excited to spend time with you, Y/N. Besides the fact you’re pregnant with my kid, you’re pretty funny sometimes,” he laughs. You scoff jokingly, biting your lip as you look at him.

“Sometimes? Well I think your jokes are cheesy.”

“Oh, do you now? Is that why you laugh every time?”

“Shut up,” you laugh with him, unbuckling your seatbelt.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? And don’t freak yourself out about meeting my mom, she’s excited to meet you. She’s really excited to meet the amazing woman giving her a grandchild.”

Your eyes widen a bit. “I forgot I was going to meet her. Now I’m more freaked out than before.” You wondered how you’d even introduce yourself to her. Hi I’m Y/N, your son and I hooked up literally once and are now having a baby.

“Hey, get out of your head, sweet girl. I told you, she’s excited. You’ll get along well, anyways. You’re pretty similar people.” He leans over to rub your thigh.

“Okay, I trust you. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You squeeze his hand and open the door to get out. You turn to close the door and it looks like he wants to say something, but doesn’t. You wave and shut the door before getting back in your car.

What the hell did you get yourself into?

***

Grayson walks back into his house, almost body slamming Ethan by accident.

“Dude, watch out. Were you sitting here waiting for me the whole time?” He jokes, an annoyed Ethan rubbing his chest where Grayson’s shoulder hit him.

“No, stupid. I was going to take the quad for a ride. How’d the appointment go?” He watches Grayson put his keys down.

“Good. We heard the heartbeat and stuff, everyone’s healthy.” Grayson smiles to himself just thinking about it.

“It took, like, three hours for the doctor just to tell you that? Ma and I were scared something bad happened.”

“Nah, I took Y/N to lunch after because she really wanted a sandwich and it’s usually hard for her to even eat anything that early.”

“Oh, a date?” Ethan raises his brow as Grayson turns to him. Grayson rolls his eyes.

“No. A ‘you’re pregnant with my baby thanks for growing it’ lunch.”

“Yeah, okay. You’re gonna lie and tell me you’re not already in love with her or some shit?”

“E,” Grayson groans.

“No dude, you have to be careful. She’s going to be a part of your life forever now. Don’t fuck it up by falling too fast and then moving on. She’s not one of your ‘soulmates.’ She’s the mother of your kid. Just be smart.” Ethan opens the door and goes outside.

Grayson stands there for a minute, considering what Ethan said. He’s right, he can’t get caught up in any feelings he has for you because whatever relationship you have, it has to last forever. He knows he has the tendency to fall fast and then move on fast, too. He can’t do that with you.

***

You say your goodbye’s to Anna and her family before you head off to Jersey. You decide to call Grayson instead of texting him to let him know you’ve left. He picks up on the fourth ring.

“Hey, what’s up? Everything okay?”

This makes you laugh. “Yeah, the only time something is wrong is when I call you and something is wrong is at night. I just wanted to let you know I left so I’ll be there in an hour.”

“Oh, good. Okay. Can I make any breakfast for you?”

“Absolutely not. Can’t eat right now.”

“I’m sorry.” He pauses. “I’m gonna go to the store right now, tell me what you need.” You hear him shuffle around on the other end.

“What I need? Nothing,” you giggle.

“Oh my god my baby mama doesn’t even use shampoo I think I’m the one who has morning sickness now,” you hear him fake gag which makes you laugh harder.

“Grayson, I’ve got little toiletries and stuff. I’ll be fine.”

“I don’t want you to be fine, I want you to be comfortable. Now tell me what I’m buying you because I’m already in the car.”

You list off all the products you use, the snacks have been your favorites, and he even says he’s going to get facemasks for you all to do.

When you pull into the long driveway, the butterflies erupt in your stomach. You had absolutely no clue how this would go, but there was no turning back now. You couldn’t, the driveway was too narrow to do that.

You reach the house and pull up next to the other cars in the driveway. You see Grayson sitting on the porch, which makes you laugh.

You turn the car off and go to gather your things when you hear your door open. You turn and see a giddy Grayson standing there.

“Hey.”

You laugh. “Hi there.”

“Where’s your stuff?”

“My bag is in the back seat.” He moves to grab your bag as you get your purse and hop out of the car, closing your door. He does the same once he’s got your bag on his shoulder.

“Welcome to the humble abode,” he says as he leads you by putting his hand on your back. You walk to the door and he opens it, letting you step in first.

“It is so nice in here.”

“My mom is super into décor and stuff. Wanna see where you’re staying?” You nod and he leads you to a closed door. When you look inside you see a bed next to… the washing and drier machine? You give him a questioning look.

“So we don’t have a guest room and I moved my bed into here because Ethan is annoying and I can’t share a room with him anymore. I’ll sleep on the couch.” You nod, walking inside. “I’m sorry, I know it’s not ideal. Ethan and I are gonna look for our own place when we’re back for the summer.”

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ve slept in way worse place,” you giggle and he raises his brow.

“Alright, won’t ask. Ethan’s been low key dying to see you, even if he won’t admit it. He’s excited to meet his little niece or nephew.”

“Well I can’t deny him of that, can I? Where is he?”

Grayson leads you out into the main area. Ethan’s sitting at the dining table on his computer when he looks up and sees you. He’s immediately jumping up out of his seat.

“Y/N!” He runs over, but is stopped short by Grayson’s hand on his chest.

“Chill, bro. She’s pregnant. Don’t tackle her.”

Ethan rolls his eyes, ignoring him and keeping eye contact with you. “Hi.”

“Hi,” you giggle. He looks at you expectantly. You’re fully laughing now as you grab his hand and put it on your stomach. He’s falling to his knees instantly, his other hand going to the other side of your tummy.

“Hey baby. I know you don’t have ears or anything yet, but this is Uncle E talking to you. You have a whole bunch of people out here waiting for your arrival, but I’m definitely the most excited.” Grayson slaps the back of his head. “Ow. Okay, most excited besides your parents. I’ll be the cool uncle and all that.” He stands back up, looking at you again. “Sorry. Hi, how are you?” He laughs.

“I’m good, how are you?” You giggle.

“Good, yeah,” he nods. You all just stand there for a second looking at one another.

“Okay, we’re getting all the awkward out now because I refuse to be treated like the random hookup who got pregnant. Okay?” You look at the both of them and they look a bit surprised by your boldness. “Sorry, I’ve lost the little filter I had before.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. Awkward is all gone now. Let’s give you a tour.” Ethan puts an arm around your shoulder and brings you into the kitchen, leaving Grayson where he’s standing. He follows behind you, his hands in his pockets while he watches the both of you interact.

You and Ethan get along really well. After your initial moment, it seems like you’d actually be really good friends. You felt bad for not talking to him more over winter break.

Grayson is not a huge fan. He’s sitting on the sidelines watching you talk and laugh while Ethan tells you all about the new video they’re editing right now. Before Grayson can cut in, Lisa walks in.

She smiles. “You must be Y/N.”

You stand from your chair, giving a soft smile as you wipe your sweaty hands on your leggings. “Hi, Mrs. Dolan. It’s really nice to meet you.” You hold your hand out to her and she laughs, pulling you into a hug.

“Honey, call me Lisa.” She rubs your back before pulling away and holding your elbows to look you in the eyes. “How’re you feeling?”

“Good!”

“Really? That’s good! These two put me through hell when I was pregnant with them. Can I get you anything?” You shake your head.

“No, I’m okay for now.”

“Just trying not to puke?” You laugh and nod. “Yeah, pretty much.”

“I’d know that face anywhere. Your first trimester is almost over, so you should be feeling better soon. Let me know if you need anything, okay?” She squeezes your arms before stepping back.

“Of course. Thank you for letting me stay.”

“This home is as much yours as it is Grayson’s now. You’re welcome here any time.” You smile and nod.

“Alright, you’re all gonna scare her away. Y/N, come see upstairs?” Grayson interjects and a part of you is relieved. Even though things were going really well, you were still on edge. You nod and go to follow him upstairs.

“I’m sorry about that, they just want you to feel comfortable here.” He leads you into a bathroom and shuts the door, making you laugh. “What?”

“The last time we were in this situation I got pregnant.” He starts laughing with you and you let your hand fall onto his shoulder.

Once you calm down, you smile widely at him. “They’re good people. Nice people. I’m sorry if I seem rude or off, I was just so anxious.”

He nods and pulls you into a hug, rubbing your back. You melt into him snuggling into his warm chest.

“It’s okay, they definitely understand. Plus, you didn’t seem anything but positive and happy. I couldn’t even tell you were trying not to puke.” You can feel his laugh rumble up through his chest.

“I’m still trying not to,” you laugh with him and he pulls back holding your shoulders to inspect your face. “I’m not gonna. Probably.” He raises his eyebrow. “Okay, if I do I’ll tell you so you can leave.” His face falls at that.

“No, I’ll sit with you and rub your back and all that. Get you water and stuff.” You’re shaking your head immediately.

“I hate puking in front of people. It’s okay, I’ve been doing it for weeks now. I’ve got a routine.” He pouts and pulls you back into a hug.

“I’m sorry. Please tell me if I can do literally anything for you.”

“You do enough, Gray. Don’t worry about it,” you mumble into his chest.

“What do you usually do to feel better?”

“Anything to distract myself. I just need to not think about it.”

“Challenge accepted.” He removes himself completely from you, opening the door. “Let’s go.”

The rest of the day with the Dolans is great. Grayson was right, you and Lisa are very similar and get along almost as well as you and Ethan do. You’re grateful they’re being so kind to you. Grayson is happy you’re getting along with his family, but it also makes him feel something he hasn’t felt in a while. Jealousy. He doesn’t want to admit that he likes having all of your attention, but he can’t act like he doesn’t want it all the time. When you’re on the phone with him, you’re usually alone. He liked when he got to hear about your day and then he got to open up to you. What can he say, he’s a selfish man.

That’s why when the night is winding down, he asks his family if you guys can watch a movie alone. Lisa goes up to her room for the night, but Ethan isn’t so kind at first.

“What, you don’t want me to crash your date?” He sits beside you on the couch where you’re right next to Grayson. Your cheeks blush and Grayson rolls his eyes.

“Shut the fuck up, E. Go away, you’ve harassed her all day.”

You open your mouth to say something but Ethan beats you to it.

“What if she likes spending time with me? After all, I am the better twin.”

“Bro if you don’t stop talking, I’ll fucking hit you.” “Yeah Gray? Doubt it. Y/N, I don’t blame you for-“ Ethan can’t finish his sentence before Grayson is up and grabbing him by the collar of his shirt to get him to stand up.

“Out. Now.” Ethan holds his hands up in mock surrender as he backs away.

“Fine. I’m out. But, you know. Have a good date. Use protection.” He laughs as he walks up the stairs. You chuckle as Grayson huffs and plops down next to you.

“I fucking hate him sometimes. Sorry.”

“It’s okay, that shit was kind of funny.”

Grayson settles in, remote in one hand and your thigh in the other. “What do you wanna watch?”

“Anything’s fine, I’m pretty tired anyways.” He nods and puts on Someone Great. You’d already seen it, but you didn’t say anything. You’d probably be asleep within ten minutes, anyway.

You were right. You don’t even remember seeing the first five minutes of the movie. You’re slumped on Grayson’s shoulder, snoring softly.

Grayson does everything in his power not to move, not wanting to disturb you. He thought you were cute when you slept.

You’re woken up when you feel Grayson shifting underneath you. You’d moved to be half on top of him in your sleep. You decide to ignore it, hoping you’d just fall back asleep. But, he’s moving under you again.

“Gray?” You mumble, barely audible.

“Sorry, sweet girl. Didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s okay. Stop moving.”

“Yeah, okay.” He puts his hands on your torso, shifting you a bit before he stills. That’s when you realize what you hear. There are moans coming from the tv. You open one eye, looking at the screen and sure enough they’re having sex. You giggle a bit.

“Hmm?” Grayson hums, running a hand over your back.

“Did the sex scene make you uncomfy?” This makes him laugh, shaking your body with his.

“No. Not uncomfy.” You suck in a breath at the implication of his words. You think back to what Anna said. Pregnant sex would probably be really hot. But you have no idea if he’d even be interested in that.

“Missing your girls from LA?” You’re asking before you can control your tongue. Your eyes widen as you realize what you’ve said. You might just chop your tongue off completely.

“What?”

“Nothing, was a joke. Let me sleep.” You breathe out, hoping he didn’t hear you.

“Y/N.” He pats your back and then pushing your shoulder to roll you over. He grabs your chin so you have to look at him. “What did you say?”

“I asked if you were missing your LA girls. It was a joke, because of the whole sex scene. Didn’t mean anything by it.” His face looks stone cold, like you’ve made him mad. “I’m sorry.”

“There are no LA girls,” he huffs, rolling his eyes. You raise your eyebrows. “What, do you think I’m a fuck boy or some shit?”

“Well, kinda.”

He looks genuinely shocked at your words, shaking his head. “Y/N, no. Hell no. Even if I was before, not now. There’s no LA girls, and there never have been.” He crosses his arms, completely retracting from you. You sit up.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I know it’s a shitty assumption, but I mean what were we doing? I just thought you did that with everyone.”

He bites his lip, thinking carefully about what he wants to say next.

“I know what we did was only once, but I thought you were a good person. After we left, I kinda looked forward to when I’d see you over the summer whenever Jessie would bring you around. I don’t know what I was thinking or expecting, but it wasn’t a one and done deal. Ethan just really didn’t feel good that morning and made me leave before I could see you.”

You nod, taking this new information in. Of all the things he was going to say, you didn’t expect that. Although, he seems to always be filled with surprises.

“I’m sorry. It was a stupid comment, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Have there been any college guys?” He raises a brow.

“What? No. Even if I didn’t feel like a chubby marshmallow or some shit, no. I was…affected by our night together. And not just in the pregnant way.” You lean back next to him, mirror his posture.

“Oh, so you couldn’t stop thinking about my dick?” He smirks at you. You hit his arm and laugh.

“Shut up, that makes it sound so…dirty.”

“If it’s not dirty, then how were you thinking about it?”

“I don’t know. Just knew no one would really meet my expectations like you did.” Your voice is getting quieter and quieter as you feel like you want the couch to swallow you up.

“Yeah? How so?”

“You’re the first guy to make me finish.”

He gasps. “Y/N, no. Liar.”

You shake your head slowly, biting your lip.

“Wow. First guy to make you cum, first guy to impregnate you. I’m on a roll.” He puts his arm around your shoulder as you laugh.

“Oh god, I’m feeding his ego more and more.” You throw your arms up in defeat and he laughs.

“Well, the thought of you getting off to the thought of me this whole time definitely feeds my ego.”

Your cheeks blush as you roll your eyes. “Shut up.”

He laughs harder, pulling you closer to his body. “Nothing to be ashamed of, baby. Your hormones are raging. I’ve heard through the grapevine that pregnant women are horny all the time.”

“The grapevine? Who’s that?” “…Movies.”

“Alright well if you’ve got no LA girls, then you’ve been jerking off to the thought of me, too so I don’t appreciate the mockery.” You finally look at him, pointing your finger at him.

He bites his lips, his cheeks also becoming a dark shade of red. “You’ve caught me red handed.”

You giggle and poke his cheek. “That’s what I thought. Bet your fantasy is all ruined now that I’m getting bigger, though.”

He looks at you genuinely confused. “What?” You look at him with the same look of confusion. “Pregnancy isn’t sexy.”

He laughs. Like genuine, whole hearted laughter. “What are you talking about?” “What are you talking about?” You fire back.

“The fact that you’re pregnant with my baby is the hottest shit ever. I did that shit. We did that shit. It’s hot.”

“We can agree to disagree, then.”

So much for trying to keep things simple, Grayson thinks to himself.

“Let me prove it.”

***

Read the next part here

[nightwang96]

Hi :) For your Badthingshappenbingo card, could I please prompt Jason Todd with attempted rape? I would love if you could include protective Batman and Dick too? Thank you!

Thank you for my first prompt! I don’t usually write Jason so this was fun, I hope you like it :)

So first fic for my @badthingshappenbingo!

Crosses are completed and circles are requested!

All of the others are still free to prompt! If you include your AO3 in the prompt or message it to me separately I will gift it to you on there! :)

Everybody Hurts

Fandom: Batman

Rating: Explicit

Prompt: Attempted Rape

Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth, Roman Sionis

Warnings: Attempted Rape, Threats of Rape, Non-Consensual Touching, Violence, Injury, Broken Bones

Summary: Stupid, he’d been so stupid. Of course Black Mask wouldn’t just give him a beat down. Of course this was what he’d meant by teaching him a lesson. He should have been expecting it. This was Gotham after all.

Read it on AO3 here!

Jason really, really hated Gotham sometimes. She was grey and wet and cold. Unforgiving. Thick fog sat heavy on the ground, softening the dark edges of the buildings and hiding the filth of the streets.

Jason was not a fan. He could hear Batman in his head. You have to account for the limited visibility. Don’t be reckless. Take it slow. Annoying. Red Hood did not take things slow.

He’d gotten a tip that there was some sort of trade going on at the docks. It had been more like an invitation really, a challenge, subtle hints that whatever they were trading, Jason wasn’t going to like it. He was leaning more towards trafficking at the moment. Red Hood had an uneasy truce with most of the drug dealers. As long as it was legit and as long as they weren’t selling to kids, then Hood mostly left them alone.

The warehouse was one Jason didn’t recognise. Small and dilapidated, it looked like a stiff breeze could knock it over. Still, you never judged a book by its cover.

He snuck around the side of the building, aiming for one of the lower windows so that he could get a look inside. There wasn’t any security posted outside. Alarm bells started ringing in Jason’s mind. Why wasn’t anyone guarding the place? He peeked over the edge of the window.

Black Mask was stood in the center of the room, his hand tight around the arm of a young girl. She couldn’t be much older than fifteen, barefoot and trembling in fear as Black Mask held his gun up against her head. Jason glanced around the room. There were at least ten henchmen, all armed, but he couldn’t see anymore civilians. One of the goons stepped up to Black Mask’s side, leaning in to speak to him. From his angle Jason couldn’t read his lips but Roman grinned, slow, and pulled the girl closer to him

“I know you’re there Red Hood,” he shouted, “why don’t you come inside?”

Shit. They’d been expecting him. This was a trap.

The girl looked terrified, eyes wide, whimpering softly. Damnit. Jason couldn’t just leave her there. He had to do something.

“You’ve got till the count of five and then I’m blowing a hole in this bitch! Your choice. One…”

Jason swore softly. It wasn’t a choice at all. He wasn’t about to let an innocent die because of him.

He made his way round to the front, kicking the door in with his hands raised in surrender.

“Don’t shoot dickhead I’m here,” he said. Every gun in the room swivelled to point at Jason. All but Black Mask’s.

He’d pulled the girl in front of him like a shield, the coward.

“Search him,” Black Mask ordered. One of his goons stepped into Jason’s personal space, patting him down and removing his weapons one by one. Jason grit his teeth hard against the urge to pull his gun out and start firing. That would only end up with the girl dead. But he felt naked without his weapons, oddly vulnerable.

His hands were pulled behind his back roughly, rope tied around his wrists tightly enough to start cutting off his circulation. A kick to the back of his knee and he went down with a grunt, just managing to not fall on his face. He glared up at Roman.

“Let her go,” he growled. Black Mask tossed her away from him like trash. She hit the floor with a thud, scrambling to the wall and then scuttling to the door like a frightened animal. Immediately Jason felt better, now that there weren’t any civilians to worry about.

His knees were protesting, even the thick padding of his trousers wasn’t helping. He twisted his hands against the rope and tried burning a hole through Roman with his eyes.

Black Mask regarded him cooly, tapping his gun against his thigh.

“You’ve caused me a lot of trouble recently boy,” he said, voice low and dangerous.

Jason bared his teeth in an approximation of a smile and shrugged, tipping his head back to slant his eyes at him.

“What can I say? I live to please.”

He was anticipating the blow, rolled with it, and still it almost knocked him over. His ears rang with the force of the hit, the copper tang of blood spilling across his tongue as his cheek tore on his tooth. Roman wasn’t pulling his punches.

Jason spat at him, feeling a spark of satisfaction at the sight of blood on his sleek black suit. Roman grabbed him by the jaw roughly, fingers digging painfully into his cheeks, and leaned over him, forcing his head back at an unnatural angle.

“I’m going to teach you a lesson,” he hissed, hot breath fanning across Jason’s face, “about messing with the wrong person.”

Jason headbutted him. He stumbled back, cursing and gestured to the goon behind Jason with a sharp, angry motion. Cold metal pressed harshly into the back of his skull, pushing him down until his forehead was touching the floor, bent into a prayer position.

“My men have been overdue for a reward,” Roman purred from above him. He pressed a leather shoe to the side of Jason’s head, tilting it over so that Jason was glaring up at him. “It’s two birds with one stone, hmmm, reward for them, punishment for you.”

He looked far too pleased with himself. The urge to shoot him in his smug fucking face was overwhelming.

“You’re going to regret this,” Jason promised, low and deadly serious.

“I doubt that.”

He stepped back out of Jason’s field of view and then his henchmen were moving in, crowding around him. The gun at his head disappeared and Jason seized his chance. Rolling onto his back, hands trapped beneath him, he kicked out, sending the gun spinning across the floor. The goon dove after it with a shout but Jason was already on his feet, barrelling into another body shoulder first, knocking the man to the ground.

The sound of a gun going off was deafeningly loud. The force of the bullet hitting kevlar brought Jason to the floor and knocked the air from his lungs. His bound arms dug painfully into the small of his back, caught awkwardly beneath him. A hand twisted into his hair, pressed his head into the concrete and then Roman was leaning over him, eyes bright with fury, and tapped the barrel of his gun against his forehead.

“Don’t think that I won’t just kill you,” he growled. “It would make my life much easier.”

“Fuck you,” Jason spat. If Roman thought that Jason was going to just lie there and accept a beating, he was sorely mistaken. Roman tilted his head, and then a goon was stepping forwards, a nasty grin on his face and a crowbar in his hand.

What was it with Gotham bad guys and fucking crowbars. The back of Jason’s neck was starting to sweat. He strained upwards as the goon approached but Roman just pushed him back down, a hand splayed across his chest and the gun bruising his forehead.

The man looked sickeningly excited as he swung the crowbar down against Jason’s leg. He managed to pull his leg up just in time for the bar to hit his shin instead of his thigh. The crack of his bone breaking rang in his ears, the sudden sharp pain causing him to cry out involuntarily. Still, better a broken shin than a broken femur.

The man lifted the crowbar again and for a moment Jason was somewhere else, the sharp ringing pain of broken bones and the low orange light glinting off of metal achingly familiar. Fear lodged itself in his throat.

“Enough,” a voice said. Black Mask, Jason had forgotten him. The man stepped away, a look of disappointment written across his face. Jason bared his teeth at him. Distracted, he missed whatever signal Black Mask gave.

Hands on his leg. Sick burning pain. He grit his teeth so hard his jaw popped and whipped his head around to glare at the man crouched by his feet. More hands on him and then he was being flipped over, almost breaking his nose against the hard floor. A hand caught his shoulder and pulled him up so he was kneeling. His head spun with the pain of his jostled leg, and the disorientation of the manhandling.

Warmth along his back. Someone had knelt behind him, careful not to touch his shin. His hands were pressed against their stomach, back to his chest. Jason jerked away instinctively and the hand on his shoulder tightened, pulling him back. Hot breath tickled the nape of his neck. An arm wrapped around his ribs, fingers splayed possessively across the plating of his chest armour.

Sweat trickled down his spine, his stomach twisted uncomfortably. What was Roman playing at? The man in question had moved back out of the way, twirling the gun casually between his fingers, a smug grin on his face.

The view was obscured then by another man stepping in front of Jason, an ugly sneer on his broad face. Jason sneered back. Rough fingers fisted into his hair and tugged.

“Hey!” Jason yelped, scalp stinging, “Watch it ugly!”

Ugly’s face twisted up, turning red. He yanked Jason forwards. Unbalanced, Jason would have fallen over if it weren’t for the other man’s hands on him, one on his shoulder, the other sliding down from his chest to cup over his junk.

“What the fuck!” Jason snarled, jerking. Ugly grinned and then reached down with his free hand to unzip himself. He said something but Jason couldn’t hear it over the sudden rush of blood in his ears.

Stupid, he’d been so stupid. Of course Black Mask wouldn’t just give him a beat down. Of course this was what he’d meant by teaching him a lesson. He should have been expecting it. This was Gotham after all. Jason had grown up in the Narrows, he was no stranger to this kind of violence. He wasn’t naive enough to think that this sort of thing didn’t happen, that it could never happen to him. And yet for some reason this had still taken him by surprise.

Warm, wet lips pressed against his neck, deceptively gentle, whilst hands worked on the button of his trousers. Jason couldn’t suppress the shudder that ran down his spine. The man behind him chuckled and pressed closer, the evidence of his enjoyment digging into Jason’s lower back, his hand slipping beneath his waistband.

Ugly had pulled himself out of his trousers and was stroking himself inches from Jason’s face. Jason’s stomach bucked. He felt lightheaded, his ears ringing. His trousers were tugged down roughly, exposing his skin to the damp chill of the warehouse. Ugly’s hand in his hair trailed down his cheek to press a thumb against Jason’s lower lip, pushing into his mouth. It tasted of sweat and dirt.

Panic rose in his chest like bile. Fingers brushed the bare skin of his inner thigh and then clamped down with bruising force, the man’s hips stuttering forwards to rub against him.

Jason bit down. Hard. Blood spilled into his mouth, hot and tangy. Ugly yelled and tried to snatch his hand back but Jason clung on stubbornly, promising bloody murder with his eyes.

There was a deafening crash and then Batman was swinging through the broken window, landing in a crouch, closely followed by Nightwing. For a long, stretched out moment, everything seemed to be frozen, Batman and Nightwing taking in the scene whilst Black Mask’s goons stared back dumbly.

Then Batman was moving, dodging bullets as the henchman recovered. Jason let go of Ugly’s thumb and slammed his head back directly into the other man’s face.

Black filled his vision. Batman. He leveraged a savage blow into Ugly’s face. Blood sprayed across the black of Batman’s gloves and Ugly hit the floor with a thud, clutching his face, his dick still hanging out of his pants. Batman’s boot came down on Ugly’s groin in a move that made even Jason wince.

And then he was flowing past Jason, radiating a dark fury. There was the dull thud of a fist hitting flesh, the sickening crunch of bone breaking followed by a shrill cry that cut off into a wet gurgling noise.

“Batman stop!”

Jason turned his head to see Nightwing wrestling Batman off of the guy, his face pale. Batman stumbled back, chest heaving, and as one they both turned to look at Jason. It was unnerving. Jason realised suddenly just how exposed he was. Embarrassment heated his face. He moved to stand up, forgetting for a moment that his leg was broken. Pain sent him back to his knees, gasping. Hands landed on his shoulder and before he could smother the reaction he flinched. The hands lifted immediately and Jason looked up into Nightwing’s pinched face.

“Sorry,” Nightwing said quietly, guilt heavy in his voice. Jason scowled. He didn’t want Golden Boy’s pity.

“Untie me,” he grunted. Nightwing pulled out a wingding and sliced through the rope. Jason’s hands were red and swollen, bleeding slightly where he’d twisted against the bindings. Jason pulled his trousers up awkwardly as Nightwing looked down at the floor, his face flushing to match Jason’s. Jason couldn’t quite get his hands to cooperate enough to do the button up so he just left it.

“Did they-” Nightwing started.

“No,” Jason interrupted. Nightwing’s face was pale, his lips pressed together. He looked like he wanted to reach out to Jason, pull him into a hug. Jason was glad that he didn’t.

“It’s okay Hood, if they-” Nightwing tried again, his face painfully sincere. Jason’s felt hot with embarrassment and anger. Dick thought that he was lying.

“They didn’t!” Jason snapped. “Look they just kind of...manhandled me.”

Nightwing grimaced at that and sat back on his heels. He looked sad, kind of like he might start crying. Jason wanted to punch that expression off his stupid face. Dick opened his mouth as if to say something else and then snapped it shut as Batman appeared at Jason’s shoulder.

“Hood,” Batman said, “are you injured?”

“Just my leg,” he didn’t want to look at Batman, didn’t want to know if he believed him or not, “I’m fine, they didn’t do anything. What you saw was as far as they got.”

Batman just grunted. Nightwing looked like he’d sucked a lemon. Jason sensed something sappy coming his way so he changed the subject quickly.

“Black Mask?”

“Gone,” Batman said, his voice a low rumble, “he bailed as soon as we came in through the window.”

“How did you know I was-” Jason trailed off but Batman seemed to know what he meant.

“We didn’t,” the blank mask of his cowl gave nothing away, but Jason could see the clench of his jaw, the tightness of his shoulders. “We got a tip off that Black Mask was up to something.”

“We thought it was some sort of drug deal or something,” Nightwing interjected, “we had no idea that-”

The creak of leather as Batman’s hands clenched into fists was weirdly loud in the ensuing silence. Jason grimaced. He levered himself up to standing, awkwardly, balancing on one foot. Nightwing moved to help him but Jason glared him down.

“Hood…” he said hesitantly, his hands fluttering around like little birds.

Batman took a much more direct route, grabbing his arm and pulling it over his own broad shoulders. Jason yelped and tried to snatch it back but Batman’s hold was firm.

“Batman-” Nightwing started, his mouth a thin line.

“We should get back to the cave,” Batman said, ignoring Nightwing entirely. Jason felt the familiar burn of anger heating his face.

“Get off me!” he snapped, “I’m not going back to the cave with you!”

“You’re injured,” Batman said, like he couldn’t understand why Jason wouldn’t want to go back with him, like Jason couldn’t look after himself.

“I’m fine!”

“Jay,” Nightwing said softly, an annoyingly sincere look on his face. Batman twitched at the blatant lack of a code name, a muscle in his jaw jumping, but kept blissfully quiet. “Just come back with us, let Alfie check you out. Then you can leave.”

Jason really didn’t want to go back to the cave, didn’t want to have to sit through the pitying looks, the cloying concern, the hands on him. Even so, he had to admit, it wouldn’t be easy getting back to his safe house with a broken leg.

Nightwing was still looking at him imploringly, Batman a warm but silent presence against his side. Jason felt exhausted suddenly. He slumped against Batman, feeling his arm tighten around him in surprise.

“Fine. Whatever,” Jason said. He felt too tired to argue. He just wanted to crawl into bed and forget all about this disaster of a night.

Nightwing looked surprised at his easy acquiescence, but Batman just started guiding them out of the warehouse.

“I’ll take your bike back Hood, don’t worry,” Nightwing said. Great. He didn’t like the idea of Dick riding his bike, liked the idea of being trapped with Bruce in the Batmobile even less.

“Sure,” he grunted instead, tossing the keys at him. Nightwing snatched them out of the air easily, but then hesitated, eyeing them both.

“We’ll see you back at the cave Nightwing,” Batman’s tone brooked no arguments. Nightwing’s expression soured, but he didn’t say anything, just turned and headed in the other direction.

It had been a long time since Jason had been in the Batmobile. It had obviously been updated recently and Jason couldn’t help but be a little impressed. He sank back into the plush leather seats and stared out of the window, determined to avoid talking to Bruce at all if he could.

The car hummed to life and then they were off, smooth and almost silent. Bruce was quiet for so long that Jason thought he’d gotten away with it.

“Jason,” he said eventually, his low rumble filling the silence of the car.

“Don’t,” Jason interrupted tiredly. He didn’t know what would be worse at this moment, a lecture from Batman or Bruce’s clumsy attempts at comfort. “Just don’t, B.”

Thankfully, for once in his life, Bruce didn’t push it. They fell into an uneasy silence. Bruce’s grip on the steering wheel was white knuckled, his jaw tight. Jason slumped down in his seat, slouching so low his knees hit the dash, careful not to jostle his leg too much.

Gotham rushed past the window, dark and dirty and ugly. There was an odd sensation lodged in Jason’s chest, something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. It burned his throat, pricked behind his eyes, and to his eternal shame Jason found that he was on the verge of tears. He swallowed thickly and pressed his forehead against the cool glass, squeezing his eyes shut. It hurt, a bruise already forming where Black Mask had dug his gun in, but the sharp chill against his skin was settling.

Nightwing was already there when they got back to the cave, maskless with his suit pulled down and tied around his waist, like he’d gotten distracted half way through changing. At least he’d had the decency to pull a tank on.

Alfred was there too. Nightwing had obviously told him something, although hopefully not everything. The back of Jason’s neck felt hot with embarrassment.

Dick was looking flustered and unsure, so unlike his usual self. There was a smear of dirt across his cheek, his hair an unruly mess. He’d stepped forwards, presumably to help Jason out of the car, but Batman was already there maneuvering Jason out of his seat. Jason batted his hands away once he was standing and, surprisingly, Batman let him go.

“Here Master Jason,” Alfred said, offering his arm out for Jason to lean on. He didn’t have the heart to brush the old man off so he let Alfred lead him over to the medway. He was surprisingly strong, taking most of Jason’s weight easily. Both Bruce and Dick followed, hovering awkwardly. Bruce had removed his cowl. He looked as tired as Jason felt. And old. Lines creased his face, accentuated by his frown. For the first time Jason realised that there were streaks of grey in his black hair. It made Jason feel uncomfortable for reasons he wasn’t quite sure of.

Alfred paused in the middle of examining his leg, seemingly just noticing the two hangers on, and coughed pointedly.

“Master Bruce, Master Dick, I have him well in hand,” his voice was firm but genial, “How about you two go and get cleaned up.”

Dick hesitated, a worried frown creasing his forehead. Bruce’s mouth thinned out, but he didn’t argue, dragging Dick away with a firm hand on his upper arm.

“Thanks Alf,” Jason said quietly once they’d gone. Alfred laid a hand on his shoulder, warm and reassuring, and then got back to work.

By the time they were done Jason was barely keeping his eyes open. Alfred had convinced him to at least stay the night and Jason had been too tired to argue. When he reached his old room Bruce was waiting for him, stood by the window looking out into the dark. He’d obviously showered and dressed in sweats, the ends of his hair still damp, he didn’t look like Batman or Bruce Wayne.

He turned around when the door opened, expression unreadable. Sighing, Jason hobbled over to the bed and sat down on the edge, sinking into the soft sheets.

“I’m not in the mood Bruce.”

“Jay,” he said, sounding strained. The nickname coming from Bruce made his chest squeeze uncomfortably. The soft pad of footsteps and then the bed was dipping beside him. Bruce didn’t touch him, but he could feel the heat of him against his side. Jason didn’t look at him.

“I’m not very good at this,” Bruce said eventually. Jason snorted. That much was true at least. Bruce had never been particularly good at the emotional stuff, even when he did try he was always just slightly too awkward, too uncomfortable.

A warm hand landed on his shoulder. This time Jason managed to suppress the flinch. When he looked up Bruce’s face was pained, his eyes dark.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that Jason,” he said. His expression was intense. Jason looked away, embarrassment burning hot in his cheeks.

“It was nothing,” he shrugged Bruce’s hand off uncomfortably. “Nothing happened.”

Why was Bruce making a big deal out of this? Jason had been through far worse before, had literally been beaten to death by the Joker, a little broken bone hardly warranted...whatever this was.

“It wasn’t nothing Jay, they hurt you,” he said quietly.

A confusing mix of emotions were swelling in Jason’s chest. He didn’t know what he was supposed to be feeling, so he settled on the most familiar one, anger.

“Why do you even care?” he snapped, turning to fix Bruce with a heated glare, “I’m the fuck up of the family, remember?”

Bruce’s nostrils flared, his hands curling into fists. Jason sort of hoped that he’d take a swing at him and then Jason would have an excuse to punch him.

“You’re not a fuck up Jason,” he said eventually, voice low and rough, “You’re my son. I only want what’s best for you.”

Silence stretched across the distance between them, both men frozen for a long moment. Then Jason deflated with a heavy sigh. It had been so long since Bruce had callen him his son. It touched something tangled and sharp that Jason had buried deep.

To his surprise Bruce reached out and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, tugging him into an awkward sideways hug.

Jason’s eyes felt hot, his throat tight. Warmth seeped through his skin where Bruce was pressed up against him. He felt thirteen again, young and angry and scared, pretending not to enjoy Bruce’s awkward attempts at comfort.

The hug lasted both far too long, and not long enough. When Bruce pulled away, clearing his throat gruffly, his eyes looked suspiciously damp. He stood to leave, looking rumpled and unsure of himself. He hesitated in the doorway, as if he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure how.

“Thanks, B,” Jason said softly. Bruce smiled. It made him look younger, more like the Bruce that Jason remembered.

“Stay as long as you need,” Bruce said, and then he was gone, the door shutting behind him with a soft click.

Jason flopped back onto the bed, levering his broken leg up with a grunt of pain. He stared up at the ceiling. He’d leave in the morning, he decided. He didn’t particularly want to hang around the manor for much longer, being here made him feel...claustrophobic. Besides, he didn’t really want to deal with Replacement and the demon brat. Maybe he could sneak out early enough to avoid Dick as well. He could sense another awkward conversation coming up. Dick had always been much more willing to deal with emotions than Bruce, so he knew it would be a painful one. He’d probably get all sappy. God, he hoped Dick didn’t cry.

Well that was a problem for morning Jason. Now Jason was exhausted. Sleep was dragging at his eyelids, pressing him down into the mattress. Damn, there was definitely some perks to staying in the manor. The mattress in Jason’s safehouse was almost as hard as the floor, maybe he should invest in a new one.

His eyes slipped shut and then he was succumbing to the siren call of unconsciousness as sleep claimed him.

[tintinwrites]

nothing can harm you | Poe Dameron x Reader | Part Two

A/N: You guys liked this! So yay! I had it in mind for so long, but wasn’t sure if people would enjoy it. But you do and thank you

Rating: T but maybe M for subject matter

Warning: Implications of abuse because reader spent probably all or most of her life being trained to be a slave, and those conditions are going to be strict and likely violent. She’s very restricted and quite timid. Legit her first instinct when in a bedroom is to give Poe a blowjob (she doesn’t) even though she probably has never given one before, but she’s been well-trained in how to do so. Naughty words.

Word count: 1,924, apparently!!

Summary: Poe’s figured out what to do with you, and he’s gonna try his hardest to do good by you. Even though you’re terrified of him. And he’s never actually been responsible for someone before. But he feels driven to show you the kindness and happiness you evidently never experienced before, because you need this and maybe some part of him that longs to make a real difference needs it, too.

Part One

GIF credit: No idea, but it’s not mine.

Tags: @writingwithadinosaur @labrujaprincess @that-girl-named-alex @thalia-prior-of-ravenclaw

"Poe, when I said to always keep an eye out for new recruits, this isn't what I meant."

He usually liked it when Leia's sense of humor came out, but with you cowering next to him, Poe wasn't all that into it at the moment. "What am I supposed to do now?"

She gave him an all too familiar look that told him that he never thought anything through and did things on the fly. It briefly changed to sympathy as she eyed your trembling form, then she looked at Poe again. "Get her some clothes," she said in a tone and with a look that made him think that should have been obvious.

It didn't take too much coaxing to get you to follow him out of the room, which was pretty nice.

When he'd landed at the base and told you it was time to get out, you launched out of his lap and onto the dashboard of his ship. He told you about four hundred times that you were okay and that no one was going to hurt you, before you reluctantly got out with him and walked with him to the command center.

Probably because you were scared he'd hurt you if you didn't.

He brought you down a corridor where a supply closet full of perfectly folded clothing sat, waiting to be needed by somebody. He took out a simple shirt and pants, and held them out for you to take. "So you can change in— what the—"

You immediately stripped off what little you already had on. Poe dropped the clothing in his haste to make himself as big as possible, to make sure that if anyone would come down the hallway, they wouldn't be able to see you.

Unless they came from the other end of the hall, in which case they wouldn't get too much of a view.

"What are you doing?" He kept his gaze on your face. All you did was stare at him, before picking the clothes up and pulling them on. "I was gonna say that you could change in your temporary quarters."

You stared at him. He gave up and guided you a few doors down, to a vacant room you could stay in until they got you set up.

Assuming you stayed, anyway.

You looked around the room, at the bed and then at him, and then you moved to your knees.

He wasn't sure what the hell was going on until you reached for his pants.

"Nope! No!" He grabbed onto your upper arms and hauled you back to your feet. You looked terrified and he felt like a dick, but he wasn't about to let you try to please him. "What did they do to you? Huh?"

You didn't answer him.

"Can you even talk?" He watched you bite your lip, before you nodded. "Did they hurt you when you tried to talk?" Another nod made him want to go to that planet and do things he would probably regret. "I'm not gonna hurt you for talking. I'm serious. Why don't you tell me your name? It's okay."

You seemed to be in a war with yourself for a long moment. "I don't have one," you finally spoke softly, flinching back in case there was any retaliation.

If his heart hadn't broken for you before, it definitely did now.

"Okay. You're okay. We'll figure something out." He ran a hand over his face, looking at you thoughtfully. "Why don't we get you a little to eat?"

Poe had to make the whole dining hall clear out just to get you to go in; you were overwhelmed and terrified by the bustle that he became used to. He let you pick out whatever table you wanted to sit at, which you did so tentatively before watching him as he gathered food for you.

Ever since he set the plate in front of you no more than two minutes before, he'd been staring in wonder as you devoured the food like he would take it away at any moment.

It occurred to him that since you were clearly well-groomed into being a slave, you probably barely got a thing to eat.

He wondered why the First Order couldn't just destroy planets like that, then berated himself for his cruelty.

Though they sure as shit deserved it.

They were probably aligned with the First Order, so it didn't matter anyway.

He watched you pause your feast to gulp down an entire cup of water, which he took to refill just in case those assholes deprived you of the life-sustaining liquid, too.

You were halfway done with your plate when he sat back down. "Don't eat too fast."

"I'm sorry." You stopped eating immediately, pushing your plate away and lowering your gaze to your lap. "I didn't mean to...upset you." Your words came out slow and clipped from apparently being hurt every time you tried to talk before.

"You didn't upset me," he spoke as gently as he could because he didn't want you to be afraid of him. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

The moment was ruined, though, and you made no move to start eating again. He was happy that he got some food in you, since it was probably more than you'd had in weeks.

He guessed he was going to have to lead the way until you came into your own. You would likely be all too happy to curl in a ball, and you had way too much potential for him to let you sit around in fear.

"So you're free now. What do you wanna do?" He watched as you blinked, then you gave a small shrug. "You didn't dream about doing anything other than what they made you do?"

"I was under the impression that other things weren't meant for me," you said, your voice getting progressively smaller as your explanation went on.

He smiled. "You can do anything you want now. What do you want?"

Absolute shame crossed your face and you looked as if you were about to cry. "I don't know what there is." You gave a soft whine that nearly turned into a sob, but you quickly stopped yourself.

"—we'll figure that out." He'd be lying if he said your fear and sadness weren't getting his emotions worked up. He grabbed your plate and ignored your flinch with a clenched jaw, moving to dispose of it.

"What is there...sir?"

He paused for a short moment. "You call me Poe."

Your quick correction of "Yes, Poe," had him realizing his tone.

"Fuck, I didn't mean to say it like that." He moved back to the table and sat down. "You and me...we're equals. I don't want you to call me anything but my name."

"I understand."

He watched you nod, then focused on the question you had asked him. "You want me to tell you what there is to do?" Another nod. "There's a lot you can do. We have a lot of technicians that would love to have you."

"Have me?"

"No, not like that! Have you around to train you, get you repairing some of our ships. Or I could teach you how to fly, maybe? We can always use more pilots." He watched you as you furrowed your brow in thought. "Or, uh...there's plenty you can do here, and a lot more you can do outside of the Resistance. We just gotta take care of the First Order so you can be safe out there. Let's make this easier. What can you do?" He could see the concentration that came into your eyes as you tried to think of all your skills.

"Cook. Clean. Garden. Fuck."

"—I'm sure we can find something for you." His voice was slightly low, holding back anger and sadness because you were a being with as much potential as anyone else, and the monsters on that planet took it away from you; you never even had a chance, from what he could tell based on how 'well-trained' you were.

He was going to make sure you had every opportunity you could dream of. If the only real good he ever did was give a terrified, abused girl the life she should have, before he would inevitably die at the hand of Kylo Ren or some random stormtrooper, that would be more than good enough for him.

Even if all he managed was to get you off that planet, and the hands of the First Order would get him on his next mission, that would be okay too, because at least someone more capable than him could send you off into a happy life.

But you experiencing such difference and him meeting Kylo Ren's lightsaber were far off, as you gave a yawn that you quickly tried to hide in shame.

He didn't reprimand you for it because he was smart enough to know it would take time to break the habits that were drilled into you.

"When was the last time you got a good night's sleep?"

"Not ever."

"Come on." He stood up and held out his hand, and lowered it when you cringed away out of instinct. "You can just walk beside me."

"I would like that."

He lead you to the corridor that held the base's temporary quarters, opening the door to the room he showed you before. "It's time for you to get to bed, sweetheart. The mattresses are firm and the sheets are like leaves, but you don't really mind when you're exhausted."

You looked into the room, then confusedly at Poe. "I just go in and go to sleep?"

"That's your room for right now. You can do anything you want in there." He nodded at the doorway encouragingly, and you carefully stepped inside of it.

"You've had a long day and a long...everything, actually. Try to get a little sleep."

"Yes, Poe." You turned to look at him.

He gave you a smile and reached up to close the door, letting his shoulders droop with a sigh once he was out of your view.

He wasn't sure if he preferred having no idea what the hell to do with you, or knowing he needed to show you what life had to offer beyond what you were aware of.

They were equally terrifying. On the one hand, he didn't like not knowing what to do, and on the other, it was a big responsibility to make sure another person was happy and taken care of.

He could handle it, though, and you didn't deserve to have him quit on you because he didn't want to deal with it.

He did want to deal with it and he did want to see you happy. He was kind of hoping the First Order wouldn't kill him so he could be sure everything was good for you.

Big responsibility or not, it would be worth it.

It would be worth it in the morning, after he got his own much needed sleep. After being on that terrible planet and then doing his best to tend to you, he was even more excited for his uncomfortable bed with his stiff sheets. There were no missions from General Organa, so he could spend the day focusing on warming you up to him and looking for normal jobs you might enjoy doing.

As he practically fell onto his bed, he really hoped you wouldn't be afraid of him in the morning.

[chxronica]

Breathe, Ellie... breathe

Rating - Teen 

Pairing - Ellie and Dina : Ellie x Dina 

Word Count - 3274

Summary - After a tough night on patrol and Dina almost dying, Ellie has a breakdown, but like everytime her best friend is there to hold her. One love confession later and their dancing in a room of people their attention complexly devoted to the other. 

A/N - i honestly really enjoyed writing this,,,, even if it got waayyyy longer than i intended lmaoooo,,, but who cares,, enjoy this and the fact that only joel has his accent written in because i legit wrote a majority of this one a plane or at four in the morning lmaooo 

Ellie could feel her whole world collapsed around her as soon as the water hit her bruised and bloody body. She felt like she couldn’t breathe, and in reality she couldn’t. She was hyperventilating as she thought about all the ways everything could’ve gone wrong that night. The teenager had been through a lot worse but every second of this felt like absolute torture.

Without even thinking about it she was sitting on the floor as the semi-hot water, which she was lucky considering they worked with a damn and some electricity, hit her back. Her arms instantly wrapped around her knees as the tears merged with the water. All that she could focus on the fact is that she could’ve lost Dina that night. Thank whatever God their might be that she didn’t. That she kept her best friend safe.

Breathing only got harder as the tears continued to fall from her eyes. She barely realized her short breaths until someone was making their way into the bathroom. The tall girl, who looked small now, couldn't bring herself to face whoever entered the bathroom. It wasn’t until she heard clothes drop to the ground that she actually looked up.

Her breath caught as she stared at Dina, almost completely undressed. She gave Ellie that familir half cocky, half flirty smirk that always made her heart flip. “Like the view?” She teased as she stepped out of the last of her clothes, making her way over to the tub. Once she had stepped in she wrapped her tanned arms around Ellie.

In that moment, with Dina holding onto her as water encompassed the two, the girl truly broke down. She buried her face into her knees as she felt her best friend hold onto her tightly. Her breathes were coming harder and harder for her as she was held tightly, but there was something about the shorter’s girl soft “heys” and “breath, baby that made things slightly easier.

Eventually she stopped and her breathing began to go back to a normal pace. When the other girl felt that she adjusted, spreading her legs so that Ellie could sit in between them. Which she didn’t hesitate in doing, even if this was only best friends and would never mean more than that. Once she was settled in there, Dina placed a soft kiss on the top of her head.

“I thought…” She trailed off as she began to whisper an explanation of why she was found in the bathroom sobbing. “I thought I was going to lose you.” Her voice is barely a whisper and that was being generous, but Dina managed to hear her through the water pounding around them and the soft words of comfort.

With those words, the other girl practically melted in a mix of love and comfort. “You will never lose me, babygirl.” She reassured her, running a hand through Ellie’s soft, soaked hair. Another kiss is pressed to the top of her head, meant to comfort her the best she can. “You will always have me.”

“I almost lost you today.” She whispered more, pulling her knees back up to her chest. Which was true, if she was only a couple seconds later than Dina wouldn’t be here right now. Which absolutely terrified Ellie, cause she loved her so much and never actually told her how she truly felt. Yet, even after everything she still couldn’t find herself to actually tell her best friend how she felt.

With the tone of the taller girls voice, Dina was quick to jump in and reassure her again. “But you didn’t. You saved me just in time. You’re the reason I’m here right now, holding you.” The last part is barely above a whisper but it hold more meaning than Ellie would ever realize in that moment.

“I’m the reason we were in that situations. I didn’t do enough recon. I didn’t check every corner. O told you it was safe when it was-“ She’s cut off before she can finish the rambling of blaming herself for what had happened on patrol. There was more than two of them, so it really wasn’t her fault but Ellie would always think it was. “Don’t blame yourself. There’s no way you could’ve know.”

At the reassurance of her friend words she found herself relaxing, something incredibly strange for her, into her best friend arms. Maybe Dina was right. Maybe she really wasn’t the one with the whole blame in that situation. “I am right.” She teased, knowing exactly how the freckled girl’s mind worked in the years they got to know each other.

Almost like clockwork Ellie rolled her eyes at the darker girl, pushing herself out of the tub. She turned off the water and grabbed a towel. There was only on towel between the two of them, so she was more than expecting an teasing comment to come from the other girl. Which didn’t take long as Dina stood up shortly and walked over to her, stealing the towel. “It’s ladies first.” Her tone is unsurprisingly teasing, with that oh so familiar undertone of flirting.

With that she grabbed the ends of the towel and pulled Ellie closer to her, so that they were bare chest to bare chest with towel half wrapped around Dina. The sudden changes in position, and the fact that she was no longer panicking, brought a vibrant blush to the freckled face that belonged to the slightly older girl. It took over her face like it wasn’t giving away the fact that she had very gay feelings towards her best friend.

That easily brought a light giggle from her, as her hand went up to wipe away the wet hair in her face. With an satisfied smirk placed on her features she let her hand linger, thumbs brushing away the rest of the water on the taller girl’s face. Before she could even stop herself she was blurting out the three words she’s been thinking of for months, maybe even years. “I love you.”

Dina’s face instantly softened at the sudden declaration of her feelings towards the girl. “Not like the best friend love that you always think I mean because this time that’s not what I mean. I mean that I love you like love love you. I love the way the corner of your mouth goes up whenever you see something you like. I love how you always known how to calm me down, ever since day one. I love your stupid jokes that you think are the best thing in the world. I love the way your eyes shine whenever you see an animal when we’re patrolling. I just… I love you and I’m gonna stop talking now.”

At this point, Ellie’s face is completely red and her cheeks are burning from blushing so hard. There was so much to what she just said but she couldn’t stop herself. A part of her knew that with this confession came rejection of some time because she knew that Dina was still with Jessie. So it was only a matter of seconds before she felt the pain of rejection in her heart, but she would be okay as long as she always had the other girl in her life.

All throughout her entire ramble of why Ellie loved her the way she did, she couldn’t help but let her features soften more and more. Her heart hurt for the taller girl because she couldn’t say it back, not in that moment; the two of them naked with their bodies pressed closely together. “Oh Ellie…” She whispered as she cupped her cheeks and let her thumbs stroke them. “You know I can’t.” Her voice is still soft as Ellie nods, refusing to let herself cry again.

With that Dina leaned up and pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of lips, not daring to kiss her but not wanting to settle with just a cheek kiss. After a few minutes of silence with them just staring at eachother one of them, which one they had no idea, pulled away and started to get dressed again.

Once both of them were dressed and ready to go they left the bathroom in complete silence. “Are you going to the dance?” Was the first thing said between them as they laid on Ellie’s bed, facing each other. It was like the bathroom scene didn’t just happen but at the same time the weight of her confession sat above them.

A freckled nose instantly scrunched up at the sudden question about the dance. “You know I don’t like those things.” She raised a brow at Dina who had only shifted her body over as response to the question, a feigned pout of her soft lips.

“Will you pretty please go? For me.” Her tone was childish and teasing as she gave the other girl her best puppy dog eyes, which never failed to work on her. She had to look up at her as she did since even laying in bed she let their height difference remain instead of just leaning up. Of course that only made everything work on Ellie so much more than it normally did.

Rolling her eyes she moved to lay on her other side, facing away from the pouting girl. A small smile played on her features as she felt Dina poke at her back now that she wasn’t facing her. “Night darling.” Is all she said before reaching over to turn of the light.

“If you don’t come I’m going to hunt you down.” Dina decided as she cuddled up to the older girl’s back. The threat was definitely serious because she knew more than anyone that she was the only one thar Ellie would actually listen to. With that she let herself fall asleep against the back of her best friend.

After that night Ellie did her best to avoid Dina at all cost, even getting up earlier the next morning than she had to. She was quick to dress and start her day, asking Joel if there was anything extra she could help with during her free time. The more time she spent working the less time she had to think about her best friend and the previous night. It actually worked until she was working a nob with Jessie and he brought the girl up.

“Dina broke up with me this morning. Said somethin’ ‘bout needing time to think.” With that sentence Ellie brought her attention from fixing the fence to the tall man standing next to her. She had no idea how she was supposed to be feeling in that moment, but a part of her was hopeful that she was the reason they broke up. On the other hand though, she didn’t want to be the reason her friend was hurting.

“Sorry to hear that, Jessie.” She mumbled as she stopped what she was doing. Then she was pretending that she was out of nails so that she’d have a reason to actually leave the situation. The last person she wanted to talk about was Dina, especially about her love life. “Last night probably has her a little shook up.”

With that she excused herself from the situation, saying something about going to go check on her. Except this time it was Dina who seemed to be avoiding the other girl because the second she saw Ellie she would turn the other direction. Honestly the whole situation was awkward and anyone who noticed the two of them would instantly know something happened.

Eventually she gave up trying to look for the other girl and just got some dinner. Once she had eaten she found herself going back to her room instead of enjoying the rest of the night. Maybe it was so that she didn’t run into her best friend too because now she was too tired to have an conversation.

The good thing about having patrol in two days meant that she got to sleep in all of the next day. That’s how the jobs ended up working, if you had to go out you got the day before off of any chores. So that meant that Ellie spent a majority of the day in her house, only getting up when she decided that she was hungry enough.

By the time the end of the day had come around she hadn’t really left her place. The whole time she stayed on the couch and read old comic books that she and Joel had collected over the span of all the adventures that they had together. Which was almost relaxing because she didn’t have to think of anything else.

At some point in one the stop bys he made at the house, Joel had sat himself down next to Ellie and put a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, kid, what’s gotcha you inside all day? You usually with Dina on your day off.” Concerned filled the voice of her father figure, the only thing not concerning to him was the fact that she wasn’t at the dance.

“I told her, Joel.” She whispered softly as she looked up from her comic and over at him. He knew exactly what she referring to because he was the first one she asked about it. It was after a few years of knowing the amazing girl that she finally found the courage to ask him about it.

He was never the best at comfort but hell neither was Ellie, so put the two of them together and you’ve got a horrible mess of dad trying to help daughter. Sighing softly he did the only thing that he could think of to help, pulled her into a warm and strong hug. He knew what it was like to have a broken heart, even if it had been years since his last one.

“Ya know what I reckon?” He asked her, in the same old Texan accent that Ellie had come to love. Not that she would admit it but it hadn’t taken long for her to pick up the same one in the months they spent with just the two of them. Which made people think they were even more related instead of the fact that they weren’t.

She sighed as she snuggled into her the chest of the man who was pretty much her father. “What do ya reckon?” Ellie asked, deciding to look up at him instead. There was a hopeful look sparkling in her eyes because Joel always knew how to give her hope again and was always right but some higher power of some sorts.

He gave her a reassuring smile as he thought over what he was going to say to his daughter. “I reckon she broke up with that boy of hers for a reason. ‘N’ I reckon you outa’ get down to the dance.” He told her as he let go of her, already knowing she was going to get up and changed. He knew her well enough to know that she knew when he was telling her something for her good, he also knew that Dina felt the same way about his daughter. It was obvious from almost day one that they were going to fall in love.

Grumbling something that sounded like a ‘thanks’ under her breath the girl pushed herself off the couch. She knew that Joel was making some type of sense so she also hadn’t put the rest of what he said to thought yet. For once, he didn’t tease her about it and let her go to her room to get ready. Even for the mess of a gay that Ellie was didn’t really think about her outfit as she slipping into a fresh flannel and made her way to the mess hall that was hosting their monthly dances.

As soon as she stepped in she spotted Dina, dancing with some guy and looking like she was genuinely enjoying herself. The whole thing had started about half an hour before, so it had had the time to really get into gear. Which meant that the bar was already up and running and serving drinks to the older people in the crowd. A majority of the people there were eighteen and up but there was also a decent amount of kids there with their parent(s). So that meant that it didn’t take long for the freckled face girl to arm herself with a glass of whiskey.

It also didn’t take her long to settle at the bar, watching the happy girl swing around and switch to a new partner to dance with. At some point Jessie had walked over to her and started talking to her, but she was only paying attention partially as most of her attention was directed to the girl who had her attention. And before she was knowing it she was telling Jessie that they would totally be getting back together because seeing Dina so happy dancing with all the guys made her lose any hope that Joel was right.

But then she was making her way over to the two of them and before Ellie knew it the two of them were slow dancing with each other. The light and joking way quickly turned into something else between the two of them as they danced. There was a weight over them that neither of them addressed because for the blushing girl with a freckled face that was just enough for her to not care about that weight. To not care about anything but the girl that was dancing with her.

“Every guy in this room is staring at you right now.”

“Maybe they’re staring at you.”

“They’re not.”

“Maybe they’re jealous of you.”

“I’m… just a girl, not a threat.”

From what she had scene from Dina she really didn’t think that she was a threat. Afterall she could choose anyone guy in the room and Ellie was just… well Ellie. Maybe it was a sense of self doubt that made her believe that she would never have the love she wanted from Dina, or maybe it was reality. But then the shorter girl is pulling away from her body and looking at her with soft eyes, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Oh Ellie…” Her tone is soft and caring as she looked her in the eye. It was barely above a whisper and it was like the rest of the world wasn’t there right then. In that moment it was just the two of them, slowly swaying to the music in the background. “I think they should be terrified of you.”

Then she was being kissed. Soft lips were pressed against hers and she couldn't think. Every last bit of doubt that had encompassed her thoughts earlier left her. When Dina pulled away slightly she didn’t want her to but it didn’t long because they’re lips were connected once again. This time she fully sank into the kiss, letting her eyelids flutter shut. This was a moment that she never thought would happen was happening.

When Dina pulled away for real, Ellie wasn’t sure what to think of the whole thing. Luckily for her the shorter girl spoke before she had a chance to turn into a rambling mess. “See I told you, they should be terrified.” The words left her mouth and it brought a small smile to her lips as she looked down at the girl.

“Because I love you more than I could love any guy in this room.”

[rantceratops]

Insecurity

(Warning: this is roughly the size of a small fucking novel, sorry.)

(Also I skipped Agendas for now because I REALLY wanted to get this episode done. This has been in my drafts for like a month or two)

I fucking love this episode. Have I ever mentioned that before? Because if Failsafe is all aboard the feels train, this episode is all aboard the roller coaster of emotions. Like, wow is this one of my all time favorites.

IT’S SPIDER-MAN– oh wait, never mind it’s his evil twin, it was hard to tell in this lighting.

Cissie! Who I know nothing about except that she’s in the Arrow fam eventually and that everyone was dying for Artemis to be her mentor in s2 of Young Justice. I kind of miss some of the fandom ideas for what s2 would be like. :(

“I’m sorry, you know how it is. I’m on dead line. And so are you.” OH HO HO SPIDER-MAN, YOU SO PUNNY.

Aw yeah, archer babes to the rescue!

Look at them, looking all badass with the moon behind them! Could there BE a better time for your name to be Artemis and your talent to be archery? Definitely not.

Small detail that’s nice: you can tell whose arrows are whose because Ollie’s are tipped with a lighter shade of green than hers.

Awww, I love that part! I love how the camera kind of specifically pans more toward Artemis to convey that Cissie is awestruck by her in particular. Like, she’s seeing this badass female archer with blonde hair just like her kicking bad guy ass and saving her dad. And you can tell she’s just thinking “I want to be like that some day!” Artemis is literally being a badass inspiration right here and she doesn’t even know it, and it’s just so fucking cute! My baby is an amazing role model!

Fuck you, Sportsmaster, go away! (I will say that I like Sportsmaster’s voice though, and whether intentional or not I almost feel like a huskiness to the voice is just another trait that Artemis shares from his end of the gene pool.) Speaking of Artemis sharing in Sportsmaster’s end of the gene pool, have I ever mentioned that I honestly adore the decision to have Jade (the villain daughter) share more with Paula (the nice parent) in looks, while having Artemis (the hero daughter) sharing more traits with Lawrence (the awful/villain parent). I just thought it was an interesting thing, I don’t know whether they did that on purpose or not, but it’s just a thing I picked up on and thought was kind of neat.

Ollie stop trying to sound cool.

Damn, Artemis must be pretty fucking strong to still be standing after a possibly grown ass man just did a literal backflip off of her shoulders! 

“Good girl! Uh… take the lead on this one!” Oh, Ollie. XD He’s just letting her take the reigns while he tries to recover his wounded pride. Also, I just got feels thinking about how different it must be for Artemis to work under GA’s tutelage instead of her father’s. Like, can you imagine the contrast? All that praise and affection Ollie no doubt showers her with, compared to the harsh commands and emotional/mental abuse from Lawrence growing up? She probably hardly even knows what to do with Ollie’s praise half the time. 

Out of the penalty box. Sportsmaster, please.

“Bonus points for poetic justice.”

“Did you see the look on his face!? O-okay, he was wearing a mask, but– did you see the look on his mask!?” Oh my god, she’s so precious and giddy! I really wish we had gotten to see more of her interactions with Ollie, like this moment is seriously the most giddy we ever see Artemis in the series. You can tell she absolutely loves kicking ass with Ollie, and once again, tying in with the contrast between Lawrence and Ollie as mentors to her, it must be so exhilarating to literally be given the reigns on a mission, and then praised and encouraged for doing so! I don’t think Artemis would ever admit it, but I could honestly see her craving that interaction with Ollie every week, that kind of fatherly guidance. This is why I so love the idea of her seeing Ollie as a father figure, etc. 

And Ollie’s just so amused by her giddiness!

Shut up, Roy, go away. 

It must be really awkward at parties when your belt starts talking to you.

Can someone explain to me why Sportsmaster is having to sneak inmates out of Belle Reve when it’s under control by Strange? (I guess most of the guards still think it’s a legit detention facility or something? That would make sense, actually)

“Set a good example, join the Team first.” OKAY, IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS ROY EVER A GOOD EXAMPLE, OLLIE. (god I’d like to smack that scowl off of Roy’s face!)

“You should have seen the look on that little girl’s face, she was so grateful that her dad was safe.” (awwww, Artemis, babbu, this is why you were made for the hero life

“This life suits you, Artemis.” Yes, yes it does mama Crock! “Most mother’s would be horrified, but for me, it’s a relief. You don’t know how nervous I was when Arrow and Batman first confronted me about your… activities.”  STOP. “Confronted us. They figured out I saved my soulmate Kid Flash and confronted us.” “Not… initially. I’m your mother. They talked to me first.”

OH MY GOD PAULA’S SMUG TONE AND FACE AT THAT PART ALWAYS CRACK ME THE FUCK UP.

Look at that fucking smug ass face! XD She’s like I fucking pushed you out, they talked to me first because I’m the badass that made the tinier badass they were after. 

“What-what did they say!? What did you say?” Artemis is like OH GOD MOM HOW DID YOU EMBARRASS ME THIS TIME.

“I was afraid you were in trouble. While I was in jail for my crimes as Huntress, I lost one daughter, I couldn’t bear to lose another so I begged them to help keep you on the straight and narrow–” “You begged!? So I was some sort of pity case!?” 

Ooooh, man, Artemis is fucking PISSED. All the confidence that she’s built up since joining the Team shatters almost instantly as soon as she hears the word begged. Paula, of course, didn’t mean it that way; she didn’t beg them to let her on the Team because she was afraid she would still turn out to be a bad seed. She begged them to keep her on the right path: a path that Artemis had clearly already chosen on her own. Artemis had already been saving lives all on her own, and I think that Paula was relieved and proud when she found out, and I think the “begging” that she did was nothing more than a mother desperately wanting what was best for her daughter. Artemis had already CHOSEN the “straight and narrow” on her own, and I think Paula wanted to make absolutely sure that she had the tools and connections she needed to keep going in that direction, and to stay out of Sportsmaster’s influence. Artemis, of course, doesn’t see it that way, and instead takes it as an insult to her skill; this whole time, she’d thought that she’d impressed them enough on her own for them to come calling, but now she’s thoroughly convinced that they only wanted her on the Team as a favor to Paula, who begged them. Which, of course, is not actually the case.

“This isn’t T.O. Morrow!” “Klarion, this is Professor Ivo.” Oh my fucking GOD, the way Sportsmaster says that is actually kind of HILARIOUS, because his tone suggests that he’s trying to appease a bratty kid… which he pretty much IS. XD 

“Okay… so maybe I wasn’t brought in because I impressed them.” Oh, my poor baby! :( Just sitting on her fire escape with her knees pulled up, stewing in fucking insecurity. 

“I just spent the last four months doing nothing but. I’ve got nothing to prove, I’m one of a kind.” Yes you are, bby! (You can tell she doesn’t believe her own words though, because even though her hands on hips body language at that moment might LOOK confident, the unsure flick of her eyes over toward the alley wall conveys that she’s doubting herself.)

“Artemis! Just in time, look who’s agreed to join the Team.” “Finally!”

Oh, wow. I feel so sorry for poor Artemis in this particular episode. I’ve joked around that this episode could have been her super villain origin story, because man oh man is it just one thing after another piling on top of her insecurities at the beginning of this episode (it’s called Insecurity for a very good reason). So not only has her confidence just taken a very heavy blow because of her mother’s revelation that GA and Bats talked to her alone first, but then she Zetas to the Cave and what the fuck is the first thing that greets her upon materializing there? Roy. And GA smiling and saying “Artemis! Just in time, look who’s agreed to join the Team.” and Wally happily throwing his arms out and saying “Finally!” I can honestly only imagine the horrible sinking, burning feeling in her gut in that moment; seeing her father figure mentor and her crush standing there, smiling happily at another archer that she had, only a few months earlier, been accused of taking the place of by Wally. She had literally just been trying to convince herself that even if she was a pity case, she’s done nothing but prove herself over the last four months… only to Zeta to the Cave and see Roy Harper ready to join. (”We have no quota on archers.” “Yeah, and if we did, you know who we’d pick.”) Another insecurity dropped onto her already overburdened shoulders; Roy is here, and she feels like she’s not going to be wanted or needed anymore. And really, that insecurity has been lingering in the background since Infiltrator.

“Sure. Team’s needed a real archer.” The derisive sarcasm in Artemis’s tone is fucking palpable. Roy is a threat to her at that moment; what other reason would they finally have him on the Team other than to push her out, to replace her with someone “better”? She already thinks that she was not actually chosen out of skill, but out of pity, whereas Roy has always been the desired archer for the Team. She feels like her place on the Team is being compromised, and that she’s not good enough. And that terrifies her.

Wally, meanwhile, isn’t completely oblivious to the scathing remark that Artemis makes in response to the news. We see his expression visibly shift in response, his mouth drops and his eyebrows raise in something like surprise. He hadn’t expected that kind of response out of her because he himself has always wanted Roy on the Team simply because they go way back as friends, and at first I don’t think he understands why Artemis reacted the way she did. He even casts her one last aside look as GA and the others turn toward the screens.

For Wally, Roy joining the Team can only be a good thing! Right? I think, then, that it slowly starts to dawn on him between this briefing room meeting and boarding the Bioship, that Artemis is upset. I think he stews on it, tbh. He was truly bothered by seeing Artemis react that way, that she seemed so upset about something. And I think it begins to dawn on him, the more he thinks about her posture and her comment. “Sure. Team’s needed a real archer.” I can almost imagine the sinking feeling he starts to get in his gut when he realizes that he himself largely contributed to the obvious threat she’s feeling from Roy’s presence. HE treated her horribly and acted like she wasn’t good enough in the beginning, HE wanted Roy on the Team instead of her, HE accused her of replacing Roy and driving him away, and HE just now showed extreme happiness and RELIEF at having Roy join their ranks. How must that have looked to Artemis? Like he was happy that her better had just showed up to replace her, the archer that the Team (that Wally) wanted more than her to begin with? But she’s Artemis, right? She wouldn’t let that bother her! But Wally realizes very quickly that he has royally done goofed. That the way he treated her in the beginning really has stuck with her, that it didn’t just roll off her back as her confidence always suggested. And Wally, at this point, is very much aware of his crush on Artemis, he’s finally dropped some of that denial, and he’s moved on from trying to trick himself into thinking he wants Megan (or even has a chance with her). So ultimately he realizes that he needs to take a chance and open his heart up to her and try to make things right. This antagonistic behavior they’d kind of harbored throughout the season needs to end; Wally’s no longer suppressing the way he feels about her, and I think he’s more than ready to be a man and just… make the step to change the way they behave around each other, to try and lead this relationship to the place it was always meant to be. And I think he comes to the conclusion that letting her know that he doesn’t see her as some replacement nuisance, that she is a real archer, that she has made her own place on the Team and has absolutely nothing to prove to him, is the right first step.

“In full costume? Nervy.”

This is it! The single most important Spitfire moment in the entirety of s1! Oh god, all aboard the feels train!

“Aaah, this could wind up being one of those things that sounds better in my head than out loud.” 

He’s so nervous about saying this to her. You know he was stewing about what to say to her this whole time, how he could word it so that he comes off as genuine about it as he feels, so that she’ll know he’s telling the truth. He’s alone in the main cabin with her for the few precious moments in which Kaldur and Roy are storing his motorcycle in the back, and he finally just grits his teeth and tells himself that it’s now or never time. She needs to hear this before the mission.

“But, you are a real archer.”

Complete sincerity in his eyes. Complete sincerity in his voice, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world to him. “You are a real archer.” How could she think otherwise, after everything she’s done? Wally might not have been so sweet on her at the beginning, but she has more than proven time and again, has saved his ass with the same arrow TWICE. He would still be lying to himself if he thought she was anything less than capable. (I think he has honestly begrudgingly accepted that she’s an amazing archer for a long time, or at least for the very beginning when he was still pinning her on Roy’s aversion to the Team. And even pinning that on her was less about Roy and more about him having a gross crush on her and being embarrassed by their first meeting.)

Artemis seems less than impressed. I don’t think she believes him at first. Her face almost screams, “Really, Wally?” Like, she saw how relieved he was that Roy joined the Team, she knows that he prefers him as the Team’s archer, right?

“No, I mean I’m jazzed about Red Arrow! We go way back, you know? But, you…” He’s making it clear that he’s happy about having one of his best friends finally join the Team, that he’s not happy because oh, the guy she “replaced” is finally coming to push her out of the Team and take her place, or prove that he’s better than her at archery. None of that ever even crosses Wally’s mind; in fact, when Artemis first Zeta’d into the Cave and Ollie told her the news and Wally says “Finally!” with happiness, his eyes are actually on Artemis. Like, I think he fully expected her to share in the happiness, or at least be okay, because to Wally it was only ever about “one of my best friends is finally joining, hell yeah!”. Robin, Kal, and Wally all wanted Roy to join from the beginning, so it stands to reason that Wally is happy when he finally gets the stick out of his ass and joins. (Wally definitely knew that Artemis never really “drove” Roy off the Team, not by any intention or fault. Roy was honestly being a huge pain in the ass about it from the beginning, continuously ignoring their attempts to get him to join up BEFORE Artemis even showed up. And I doubt Roy had any intention of joining when he brought the Roquette mission to them either. Again, blaming Roy’s refusal to join the Team on Artemis was just a “peg for his insecurities” about Artemis and his self.)

Honestly, the way Wally says “But you…” kind of makes me fangirl so hard. The way he just looks up at her when he says that, the emphasis on her. Like, woah, did she come in and make her own place on the Team! He very much noticed throughout all these months; she just waltzed right onto the Team like she owned it and then proceeded to be a huge badass at every turn. He thinks she is amazing and somehow that fact is so brilliantly conveyed just by the emphasis he pressed into the word “you”. (It’s like he’s saying “You’re not Roy. You’re something else entirely.” in the most sincere, endearing way imaginable.)

And Artemis just can’t even believe that Wally West is saying these things to her. That he’s actually sitting there, making an effort to just wear his heart on his sleeve for her in this exact moment. 

“You’ve made your own place on the Team. You’ve got nothing to prove.”

He is making her feel wanted and needed and maybe, just maybe re-convincing her that she has, in fact, proved herself over the last four months. That she is, in fact, one of kind, that she’s not replaceable, that he doesn’t want her to leave so Roy can finally take her place. Some of his words even echo the very words she used to try and convince herself: “I’ve got nothing to prove, I’m one of a kind.” “You’ve got nothing to prove.”

“Not to me. Okay?”

“Not to me.” He’s very specific about adding that, about mentioning himself. Because once again, I think he knows that he has stemmed a lot of this insecurity she’s displaying; I believe he may have even seen her obvious eagerness to join in on the mission as a giveaway. Roy joins and the boys get a mission immediately, and Artemis is intent on joining in, and her expression is serious and intense. Wally is not stupid, he made that connection, realized that the reason she was jumping in was because she wanted to further prove that she IS a real archer and that Roy isn’t going to take her place. But to Wally, it’s almost funny that Artemis would think she’d even need to prove herself; she’s already done that so many times over the past four months! But her scathing “Sure. Team’s needed a real archer.” comment just really clued him in on the fact that he specifically is partly to blame for her insecurities. So when he says these things to her, he realizes how important it is to come from him; he knows she needs him to say this to her, it’s a sort of “apology” long overdue, an acknowledgement of how useful and amazing she is and how she’s made her own place on the Team. And he emphasizes “Not to me.” Not to him, least of all to him.

“…okay.”

Artemis just lets the words sink in, and I could only imagine how warm the Bioship probably felt to her in that moment. And she just slowly looks up at him through her lashes, and I swear to god this was probably one of the single most important moments of her life. Like, she needed to hear Wally say this to her; it had to be Wally. I sincerely do not think any words of encouragement from anyone else would have had even remotely the same impact, it only would have felt empty, like hollow words of reassurance. 

Can we just all remember and appreciate the fact that, at her core, Artemis is a teenage girl with a crush? Put aside all the missions, the costumes, the fighting, the secret Cave, the life or death situations… and all of them are still just teenagers. And I bring this up because honestly, as I rewatch this scene over and over to try and commentate it as best I can, it just really strikes me how self-conscious Artemis gets once Wally starts spilling his heart to her; the way she kind of looks at him with wide eyes, then swiftly drops her gaze down to her lap, with this almost shy expression. She’s self conscious, a teenage girl with a serious crush.

Look at her. Having his attention on her, just between the two of them, and him saying words that she’s needed to hear from him for so long. She’s known she has a thing for him for quite some time, yet that whole time she’s been scared, afraid that her past would come out and that Wally would reject her in every way imaginable. They already started out on the wrong foot, and their relationship suffered from it; obviously they found a comfortable place, full of banter and snark and quite frequently barely contained antagonism– all because he tripped in front of a cute girl, and she snarked because of a cute, shirtless boy. To Artemis, that tentative friendship with Wally could have all tipped right over the edge of the cliff if the truth about her criminal family came out. To her, that’s all it would take for him to fully reject her, maybe for him to even accuse her of being the mole. And those thoughts terrified her, because Wally means so fucking much to her that it’s unreal; rejection from him in any form is unthinkable. She cares about him too much. 

So then, just when her confidence is being completely shot, just when she thinks maybe nobody needs her, that the Team– that Wally –wants to replace her with Roy because she was just a “pity case”… Wally tells her that she has nothing to prove. Not to him.

This moment means so damn much to Artemis that I can’t even properly put it to words. Wally is opening up to her, letting her know that she’s amazing and needed and he was stupid for giving her such a hard time when they met. He’s meeting her halfway, as Greg once put it. And it’s this show of something deep and sincere that makes Artemis all the more terrified of the secret of her family coming out. Something is happening between her and Wally, something is finally giving and they’re both so, so close to giving into previously suppressed feelings… and her past could royally fuck that up. 

So she goes to the extreme to keep it locked away. Artemis goes into that mission with the intent of proving herself, of further cementing her abilities and proving to everyone and Wally that she’s NOT to be replaced. But after Wally says those things to her on the Bioship, for Artemis the mission then becomes a drive to confront her family on her own to keep her secret. Wally's words meant the world to her, she wasn't trying to prove herself anymore after he told her she didn't need to, she was trying to protect the bond forming between herself and Wally, as well as her past.

“And, um... Wally?”

“It sounded... fine, out loud.”

UGH MY HEART. LOOK AT HOW SHE GAZES AT HIM AND HOW HE’S SMILING TO HIMSELF DJSNFJSDFNSDJFNSD

Like, UGH you can tell Wally feels so GOOD for saying that to her, and the fact that it seems to MEAN something to her, that she LISTENED to him and genuinely, sincerely echoed his “okay” back at him when he was done. God it took him so much nerve to even work up the courage to tell her those things, but he knew he needed to and then he did and that risk was rewarded. He’s SO ready to change things between the two of them, to tentatively stick his foot in the water and see where it might go. And Artemis is ready too!

Or at least, she would be, if not for that one final obstacle: her family tree.]

GOD I HATE ROY. 

“And suspect number 1 is Artemis.”

“No offense guys, but even my boredom is bored.” “Maybe a night off wasn’t the best idea.”

Come on, Conner, we all know you’d just go all angry and shit if you went on a stake out, especially since you’ve started doing drugs-- I mean, Shields-- just last episode. He’d probably hulk the fuck out and go on a rampage.

TORNADO OUT. Seriously Tornado gave like no fucks at all. He has important things to do like make a human android so that he can flamingle with the humans.

Oh, Zee, you curious thing you. She’s probably a riot at parties.

“Pursue, but maintain a discreet distance.” Roy says, as he jumps on a fucking jet ski and starts immediately following Sportsmaster in his fucking rental boat. Like, damn dude. I suppose that the ski would sort of be drowned out by the boat engine but that still doesn’t seem like the most discreet method that could have been used; at least Wally’s on a motorcycle on the road, that could be conceived as pretty inconspicuous to Sportsmaster. Geez.

Also the rental boat is kind of making me laugh because it reminds me of the whole “What do you call this, the Arrow Boat?” “I call it a rental.” Like, I feel like in the Young Justice universe, that boat rental shacks make an ass ton of money renting boats to superheroes and villains and they don’t even know it. (or maybe they lose money, because half the boats mysteriously come back with giant holes in the center, and gashes in the paint, etc. Being a boat rental person must be a tough job in that world. They’re obviously the real heroes (or villains?) at the end of the day.)

“That goes double for you, Artemis.” Wow Roy could you BE anymore fucking hostile? I’m not sure who’s worse, Wally in Infiltrator, or you in this fucking episode as well as Performance. God.

Kaldur in his natural habitat. It would have been nice to have more chances to see Kaldur in his element tbh. Then again, I suppose there was a bit more of that in s2 with the whole Black Manta sub and shit.

I bet Wally is itching to run instead of use that motorcycle. (There should have been more Team on motorcycles, imho.)

Artemis, bby, no. T_T I sort of wish she had just stayed put. Then again I wouldn’t have wanted to listen to Roy’s stupid mouth, either. Or, you know, let my shitty criminal dad ruin like everything I’ve ever worked for.

CHESHIRE! <3

“Heeey, sis! Long time no reveal who you really are to all your friends!” Wow, it’s like Jade LITERALLY popped in just to remind us of what’s driving Artemis for the rest of this episode. Like I mentioned before, I feel so sorry for Artemis in the episode, it’s like the cards are all just stacked against her, everything is at stake and that’s why she’s so goddamn reckless in this episode.

You know how there’s that episode in s2 where everything keeps going wrong and Artemis keeps saying “Perfect.” to herself in her mind? I feel like Cheshire showing up in this episode is one of those moments. Like, now not only does she have to worry about her dad, but now she has to worry about Cheshire spilling the beans on her as well. Fucking perfect.

CROCK SISTER FIGHT! (they’re both so badass I love them)

Appreciation time:

I always loved that badass little throw that Artemis does. You go babbu!

“Bet you run out of arrows before I run out of sword. Unless you plan on breaking out the pointy ones to use against your own sister.” “Why shouldn’t I? You are working with Sportsmaster!”  Damn Arty got some fury in her voice.

“Why, Arrow, if you wanted another date you only had to ask.” “You two are dating!?” LOL oh my GOD Artemis’s fucking cracking voice of disbelief makes me laugh every time! She is so fucking horrified it’s not even funny! Like holy fucking HELL I’m crying. 

“Really I’m so fond of you both, I couldn’t bear to hurt you. Much.” Yeah, yeah, play is up Chesh, but we all know you would never seriously hurt Artemis, and probably not Arrow either considering. 

Goddamn that was a brutal leg sweep, Jade. (it’s even worse with the sound)

“Oh, too bad, lover boy.” Woah, Jade, chill with the bedroom voice, there are children present! 

I’m... honestly unclear on Jade’s motives for obviously holding that kiss until Artemis saw it. Like... idk? I mean it seems like a very Jade thing to do, but I can’t quite pin her motive for specifically making sure Artemis saw it. Possibly just to mess with her though, I suppose, and perhaps to pin some suspicion on Roy for some reason or other? IDK, JADE TELL ME YOUR INNER WORKINGS.

“But at least a kiss is still a kiss.”

“And a sai is just a sai!”

“And quite the souvenir, by the way.”

Oh, Wally. <3

“He’s out of range.” I can’t honestly tell if Artemis purposely didn’t put the tracker on or... okay, yeah, she had to have done it purposely, because our girl Arty can seriously hit pretty much any target, she’s hit some hum dingers throughout the season (Home Front, anyone?), there’s no way she couldn’t make that shot. But why, then, did she hold back? Did she want to let Sportsmaster get away and then try to track him down on her own? Like, idk, girl, tell me your thoughts.

“You’re abandoning!?” “I’m prioritizing!” 

“Oh, that’s gotta sting. He makes the shot you were afraid to even try.” Jade, I really think you hit a fucking nerve, considering how Artemis’s night has been going.

Siblings can be a real pain, huh, Artemis?

Always loved that Wally sort of gets in a defensive position between Artemis and Cheshire.

Wow, Roy. That was... spectacular. You sure did distract Sportsmaster so well. ‘_’

“Leave him alone!” Yessss, gimme dat Revelation parallel!

“Artemis!” YAS LAWD GIVE ME MY OTP

“Did you...?” “Tracer’s on her sword.” “Brilliant. I knew you could-- hey, there’s the guys.”

WALLY. It takes a LOT of skill to cock block yourself.

But in all seriousness, look at him fucking encouraging her! <3 God he’s just continually encouraging her and having her back in this episode! He knew she fucking needed it and tbh I think he just WANTED to. Like ajsdhjdhjshfjdsfh god he’s so fucking supportive in this episode because even though he said that meaningful stuff to her on the Bioship, he STILL continues to point out how amazing she is and to defend her against Roy’s suspicions. WALLY IS SUCH A SWEETHEART SOMETIMES I SWEAR.

“So we threw the fight as ordered. After Artemis planted the tracer.” That tone in his voice,  he’s like “Hell yeah my girl Arty nailed that shit like always.” <3

“Sportsmaster was headed south-- kinda like this mission.” I hate you, Roy but that’s a good line XD

Ugh, it pains me to see Artemis trying so hard to protect her identity. Like... it’s made all the worse because of Wally defending and standing up for her so much. Like... fuck. This whole episode hurts my soul. Wally’s on her side but she’s throwing all sorts of wild goose chases to try and protect what she has with her makeshift family and Wally... Artemis may not be doing these things for the stupid ass mole reasons that Roy thinks she’s doing them, but she is in fact fucking with the mission. And that’s why the end of the episode hurts so much. On the one hand I 100% don’t blame Artemis and can see her reasons for acting as she does in this episode... but on the other I’m just shaking my head and begging her to STOP. T_T

“Artemis...”  UGH. GOD JUST MAKE IT STOP.

Goddamnit, Artemis, you stubborn fool. I LOVE YOU BUT STOP IT.

Love Zee’s little magical boost! The animation on it is so smooth, and the brighter colors mixed in with the puff of smoke definitely gives off a “magic” feel.

In the episode or so where Conner isnt actually seen using a Shield, I love the small detail of him kind of subconsciously scratching his bicep all the time. Don’t fucking do drugs, kids.

“Bark if Tornado comes back.” LOL 

“Is that what I think it is?” A dead body. Yes, Zee.

I must confess I’m a little fond of the MONQI’s and their dumb laughter. It was refreshing to hear it again for the first time since Schooled. Then again I also really like the episode Schooled.

Sportsmaster is such a lackey in this episode. The dick.

Hey look, it’s the same Madri Gras warehouse background that was used in Terrors.

“Pulled it off my sword about a minute after you put it there. Thought you’d want it back, since it goes so nicely with the one Red Arrow gave you.”

Of course Jade would know that Artemis put a tracker on her. You know, as much as I love the Jade and Artemis dynamic and the fact that they still love and care about each other despite being on opposite sides, I would still love to see a good, even playing field fight between them, post s2. Because like... at their core they were both trained by the same man as young ones, but after that it starts branching out. Jade probably learned more from the streets and from the Shadows. Artemis learned a hell of a lot from Black Canary’s training as well as sparring with her Teammates, etc. I definitely wouldn’t want them to truly hurt each other (and I don’t think they ever would), but a straight up fight between them would surely be an awesome sight!

“*sing song voice* Someone on your Team doesnt trust you.” Goddamnit, Jade. I honestly wonder whether Jade would truly WANT to actually out Artemis’s connections in s1. She threatens her with it a few times, obviously, but... there’s this part of me that honestly thinks maybe Jade is proud of Artemis for finding her place, even if it is on the hero side, so I can’t see her ruining that. But I suppose that’s another bit of meta for another episode or something. (I tend to think Jade mostly just bluffs about revealing her identity because she knows it’ll make Artemis back down, because it means too much to her)

Jade why are you carrying around a tablet and where the fuck is that camera view even coming from?

Can’t get to Arrow in time? Blow the door up and knock him on his stupid ass! You’re welcome, Roy!

“So you’re pretty much allergic to radioing a warning?” “Artemis to Arrow: look out.” I love my sarcastic babbu <3 (also pretty sure if she had tried to radio him he would’ve either NOT listened to her, or else it just would have taken too long to relay and Sporty would have stabbed him with a big ole javelin. So yeah, explosion was the best option)

“Sooo, is Red building a friend or what?” LOL 

So I’m guessing that considering the fact that it doesn’t show the android below the waist (and when it does there’s another part in the way), and Zatanna’s “friend” line, and the fact that she says it really needs some pants... that it’s, ahem, anatomically correct. Or something. Kinda freaky. But okay, Red. I don’t even want to know.

“Wolf.”

LOLOLOLOL.

“Is this a sign of disrespect?” “Curiosity!” “Boredom.”

Fighting time! 

Okay, Roy, this is one of the only times I’m gonna say this but... KICK SPORTSMASTER’S ASS, OKAY. He’s an even bigger dick than you!

I just really like the animation on Artemis landing there. 

LOOK AT HIM. Helping her gently to her feet! Using both of his hands to hold her’s even though he could have easily just done it with one. OH my god please kill me, THEY’RE TOO ADORABLE 

JUST. FUCKING--

LOOK AT HIM CUPPING HER HAND IN BOTH OF HIS. I’M DYING GOOD-BYE.

“Do as she says: Freeze!” I honestly love Klarion. XD

WALLY YOU BROKE JADE.

Hello I just wanted to point out how close they’re standing to each other okay

OH NO, HERE WE GO. SHIT’S GETTING REAL :(

“You know, I’m getting pretty tired of you dumping on her!” Do it, Wally. Punch his stupid face!

(I kind of wonder... if part of the reason Wally was getting so fed up with Roy’s shit was also in part because he realized that’s how HE must have seemed towards Artemis when she first joined, you know? I mean in Infiltrator, specifically. And maybe it just made him doubly pissed with hearing Roy talk to her that way, because it’s kind of echoing how rude he was to Artemis when she first joined, and it’s kind of getting under his skin that he behaved that way. Maybe I’m thinking too much into things, but I really do think it’s possible.)

“Her tracer, so? Cheshire ditched it.” “No. Artemis ditched that to send us on a wild goose chase. She put this one on Cheshire.”

Oh god make it stop. Look at his face

“Artemis. Are you that freaked out about Arrow joining the Team you had to prove yourself by bringing down the bad guys solo? Please tell me I’m wrong.”

Oh dear fucking god the end of this episode is seriously downright PAINFUL for me to have to watch! There’s just so much misunderstanding and holding back and blaming and just... it distresses me so goddamn much. This episode is only tied with Failsafe for how many feels it gives me, I can’t bear to watch them be SO fucking close to each other, yet so far away.

And all because of Artemis’s stupid criminal family. 

And oh, oh god the worst, the WORST fucking part is when Artemis opens her fucking mouth to tell him and then just falters!

First of all look at the completely HOPELESS fucking face she’s making when he’s asking her to tell him he’s wrong.

Like oh god, he’s got this angry, disappointed look on his face and it’s directed at HER and things had been going so fucking well between them, she could feel it. But now everything is just hitting her right in the face, all the mistakes she made, the last ditch, desperate measures she took just to try and keep herself from getting outed. The saddest part is that she did all this to try and keep what she had with the Team, and more importantly, with Wally, safe; but in the end it all still winds up leading her and Wally straight back to square one, the same antagonistic, unsure distance they’ve had for the entire season. Only now... now it hurts ten times worse.

Fucking look at her. She’s desperate to tell him, she wants to, or at least to just fucking defend herself, to let him know that she wasn’t trying to prove herself, that his words to her on the Bioship did fucking mean something to her, that they meant the world to her, that she was only trying to protect herself, that she’s related to Cheshire and Sportsmaster!! But she fucking can’t, she stops, freezes up, and just stops looking him in his disappointed eyes; because she can’t tell him. If she tells him that she’s the daughter and sibling of criminals, then he’ll reject her in every way. If she just lets him think that his words on the Bioship meant nothing to her and that she was still trying to prove something... at least he’ll still be around. At least he’ll just be mad. 

Mad is better than gone. She can’t lose this Team... can’t lose him.

“Well, nice goin’. What you proved is that you’re insecure and selfish. Keep the sai. This is the right souvenir for the mission.”

And oh god. Oh, Wally, bless his fucking soul. He’s so goddamn hurt at the end of this episode; both of them are, in two very different ways. To him, her display, her leading them all astray and seemingly trying to go after Sportsmaster and Cheshire all by herself is basically like her rejecting what he said to her aboard the Bioship; to him, it’s a slap to the face, it’s her showing that his words, his heart, meant absolutely nothing to her. He told her she had nothing to prove, not to him, because he was the one that caused her insecurity and he knew that. And she told him okay, that it sounded fine out loud, and he felt so good, so happy that she had seemed to take his words to heart, that she wouldn’t feel the need to try and go an extra mile to prove herself better than Roy, or to prove herself to Wally (whom she certainly never needed to prove herself to in the first place). But obviously she didn’t care, right? She didn’t care about his words; she still went off recklessly, sending them all over the place and making them look stupid and fucking up the mission-- and for what? 

To prove herself better than Roy. As if Wally’d never said any of that heartfelt stuff to her before the mission.

All for nothing. 

He’s embarrassed, and hurt. Oh man, is he fucking hurt. Finally he gathered up the courage, and the maturity, to want to try and move things forward with Artemis... only to seemingly be rejected in the most painful way.

But of course, the most painful part is that it’s absolutely not true. None of it. 

His words meant the world to Artemis, and she wasnt trying to prove herself anymore... but Wally can’t know that. They’re both at a crossroads.

“So how will you betray us next time?” SHUT THE FUCK UP ROY YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. MY BABIES ARE HURTING, LEAVE THEM ALONE.

(Also, remember that in outing Artemis for sending them astray with a tracker, Roy was trying to pin Artemis with evidence as the mole. But that thought never even crossed Wally’s mind; he didn’t think she was a mole for it, just that she was disregarding his feelings. Wally never suspected Artemis was the mole, why would he?)

“Enough! If making a mistake was a betrayal then we would all be traitors.” Thank you, Kaldur, bless.

Ugh, I just realized... the entire Team was standing there. The ENTIRE fucking Team sat there and watched that exchange between Wally and Artemis. Oh god...

“You’re not who you say you are. This isn’t over. Not by a long shot.”

Oh my poor baby. :[ You have just had a fucking horrible night, haven’t you?

“Artemis? Is everything--” Paula just wants to help her upset bby :(

“Shhhh. We wouldn’t want to upset your mother.” God stop being such a fucking CREEP, Sportsmaster.

“What are you doing here!?” Fucking do it, Artemis. Turn him into a pin cushion; it’s the least he fucking deserves.

“Blamed you, didn’t they?”

(You know how Sportsmaster is mentally and emotionally abusive? This whole scene is a shining fucking example of that.)

“Will they keep you around now that Red Arrow’s joined up? And what if they learn the truth about the family ties you’ve worked so hard to hide? Would they ever trust you again?”

Like... Lawrence is literally throwing every insecurity Artemis has had in this episode, right back in her face. He’s undoing Wally’s reassurances; he’s re-enforcing the fear she has of her family being discovered; he’s playing off the fear she has of being untrusted and rejected by her makeshift family. He’s tearing Artemis down mentally  because he knows she’s in a vulnerable spot. He knows that this is the time to strike, as it were. To say these things to her while she’s down, to try and use her insecurities to manipulate her onto his side of things; she’s his little soldier, after all, he made her what she is. 

“Thanks for the pep talk, dad, we should have these family reunions more often.”

I love the lighting on Artemis’s face throughout this scene.

“You tried, baby girl. You can fight Jade, you can fight me. But you can’t fight who. You. Are. Time to switch sides, Artemis. You’ll never be one of them. You belong with us.” 

And there’s the emotional abuse. You tried, you failed, and the reason you failed is because you were meant to work on the side of evil. You were born into this, you don’t have a choice. And everything that’s happened tonight is proof of that; you mislead your Team, they brought in someone to take your place, they won’t trust you anymore now; what else is left for you now? You can’t fight genetics.

If any of that were true, if Artemis were a lesser person, if her heart wasn’t fucking golden and if she wasn’t meant to be a true fucking hero... this episode might have been her villain origin story. 

But Lawrence was fucking wrong. Artemis Lian Crock was never meant to be a villain, not in this lifetime. 

[jfleurcannon]

oh fuck. a hysterectomy story.

just so i don't have to go through explaining. please visit links and read up if you are interested, i simplified it AF and wiki'd the source, otherwise, this is legit not the place for you. i talk about things, life, whatnot, and my life is fucking bullshit sometimes.

endometriosis

adenomysosis

fibromyalgia - i'm not even gonna get into this one. because, as the doctor who diagnosed me said, 'not many people believe in this one, so maybe don't say that you have it out loud.' but chalk that guy up for chronic musculoskeletal & joint pain in my wrists, arms, shoulders, back, butt, and knees. but 🤫.

i'm sure y'all know wtf depression and anxiety are, i see those #bellletstalk tags. it's been with me for years, since i guess the chronic pain started. i got my period and wondered why the fuck i was the only one who got sick, like sick. fainting, knocking over a mannequin display at the eddie bauer at fairview mall (you're welcome, sisters), passing out at school and having to be carried out by julie (thank you, sister), missing so many activities and things i wanted to do but couldn't. having 'jenn's always sick anyways' thrown in my face by a childhood friend, being made to feel bad about pain and not wanting to be in the mood, having to cancel plans last minute because of pending pain, side effects from meds i'm taking that make me sick, but not quite as sick as the original problem - so i deal. like i deal with it all. [like a warrior. i have held my pain like the damn death star. my uterus is the death star. except that time i carried and birthed a baby, and then it was fucking AWESOME!] typically it's bottom shelf paper bag internalized. and for years my solution was to therapy it out, or shove the feels down hard so i developed massive GI issues, or maybe that is the endo, who the fuck knows. fast forward years of therapy and a shit ton of medication and three suicide attempts, the final one being in 2007. i was hospitalized for the final attempt at sunnybrook's mental health ward. the F ward, i shit you not. i felt like girl intrurrupted, but there was no winona or angelina. there was a pam and a joan. no padded room, but i couldn't leave to go outside for the first week. that was fucked up.

pain is pain, and although i am a fan of ja-rule, pain has never equaled love to me. it has only left me with an overwhelming hate for parts of my life, that were always plagued by illness, pain, and brewing depressive state. i would get sick for long, long periods of time and there would be no reason for it. had i known then what i had (endo, adeno, fibro, MFGT's) it would have made sense. two of the three are auto-immune diseases. i get a cold, and i really get it. i lose my voice, and it's gone for months.

the only fast thing i've done is labour and delivery. it might seem strange to put the birth of my child in the pain category, however the story will explain why in a mo. i arrived at the hospital at 10am at 2cm dilated, upon exam by a nurse i pushed and my water broke, i was put in a wheelchair and brought to wait for a L&D room, outside the exam room and in the tiny hallway, there my insides tore open, quite literally, nerve damage, and rapid labour. i screamed and screamed and was told to wait while they got things ready. i mean. i thought i was dying. why was this happening so fast? my husband came back up as i was being brought into the room (i think, some details are fuzzy). i was examined by a doctor and was at 10cm. it hadn't been more than 10 minutes since i had arrived. i remember things moving too quickly for me and i was very panicked that something was wrong. i remember being told the boy's heartbeat was becoming compromised and we needed to get him out. options included a C-section, forceps, or the vacuum. all terrified me as i literally was without ANY pain management. we opted for the vacuum and they offered me laughing gas as a super sad knife-in-the-back compromise. i took it, but the hell? AT THAT VERY MOMENT I WANTED THE SWEET, SWEET NECTAR OF THE ALL POWERFUL EPIDURAL! four pushes with the vacuum on and the boy was born, at 10:35am. in 35 minutes i arrived at the hospital had my baby, like whatevs, and held him while being stitched up. naturally there were stitches. i can't even with that pain. OMG. people say you won't remember the labour pain and that 'it'll just go away when you see your perfect baby', you know what? they lied to your face, or they had an epidural, or they didn't experience rapid labour. 2-10 in 5 minutes. they did not teach me that in L&D class. i wanted ice chips, and the tub, and the playlist of music, and maybe a pelvic roll or two on the ball, but no, miles wanted his entrance to be dramatic and fast and it was nothing less than that.

any and all of the things i've battled have stayed with me like wearing a cloak, all day everyday i feel pain, whether it's physical, mental, emotional, or otherwise, i feel it. i can't see it but i fucking feel it. with diagnosis always come the waiting game of endless specialists, tests, interventions by way of oral medication, physical therapy, walking epidurals, suppositories in my ass or vag, chiropractor visits, along with visits to acupuncture, massage, GP, GYNE, and psychologists.

after a thirty year battle, and almost one year of keeping this in my drafts folder, i finally have felt an end to my endometriosis and adenomyosis pain. a hysterectomy and final excision of endo from nerve clusters fused together because of it, i can breathe. i can breathe clearly and without a constant fear of nausea, hot flashes, bizarre mood swings because of the menopausal state the IUD was causing, and chronic pelvic/back/low abdomen/bowel pain. i still have a 44 year old body and permanent nerve damage from rapid labour and negligence from a past surgeon, but holy hot hell it's nice to not want to punch people in the face for asking you how you feel. i know that's not a normal reaction to that question. i get that. however, as someone who has suffered from chronic pain her whole adult life, it is the hardest question to answer honestly. how you feel sometimes is like shit, or crap, or a god damn mess, or you just don't want to talk, especially to that person but you can't say it. so you answer, 'fine', 'great', or 'living the dream'. is the honest answer the best answer? it may not be, but it's the one with the least amount of follow up questions or lengthy conversation to follow. i love things, and flowers, and coffee, and white wine, and my man friend, and my kid, and my family, and a handful of others - but for the most part i would honestly prefer not to talk to anyone about anything. it's all the same conversation anyway. and i'm tired. tired of listening. tired of talking/hearing my own voice. tired of noise. in need of quiet and calm. my one year surgery anniversary is coming up and i'm looking forward to it. i have never looked forward to a post surgery anything because those have always led to more surgeries. but the doctor from brazil with the 'small hands' did the job this time. removed the death star and its accompanying bullshit organs (tubes and cervix) and we are good to go now. she works again, without pain 😉

surgeries for endometriosis & adenomyosis

2006 - laser laparoscopic discovery of endo

2009 - stage IV endo excision via laparoscopy

2015 - laser laparoscopic removal of endo & appendectomy

2016 - endo excision via laparoscopy

2019 - full hysterectomy (minus ovaries) and extensive endo excision on nerve clusters fused together