#she thinks that her colonizers saved her and her people . (she never wants to return home ever again)

[mobblespsycho100]

thinkin abt topaz from an indigenous perspective also is SOOO

RIGHT. RIGHT 😭😭😭 SHE MAKES ME SO... AUGH

[zutarasbuff]

Found this somewhere on Tumblr, it infuriated me to a great extent and forced me to crush the “coloniser-colonial romance” accusation against the Zutara nation. For this, you need to read everything quite carefully that will be presented to you.

So people who accuse Zutara use this narrative that Zuko had a princely life as a colonizer, unlike Katara. Now look at the ground reality:

Katara’s mother Kya lied to Yon Rha that she was the last waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe to save her daughter. A similar act was done by Ursa (Zuko’s mother) who killed Firelord Azulon with her potion as part of her deal with Ozai to save the life of her son Zuko and got banished eventually. That makes us come to one certain conclusion:

Both Zuko and Katara spent greater part of their life without their mothers and this impacted their childhood badly as we find them dealing with the trauma of loss even after they hit puberty.

As if the absence of a mother was not enough, when Hakoda (Katara’s father) leaves with the fleet for the war, it’s almost the same time when we find Ozai getting immersed in attacking other nations, so much so that he’s never there for both of his children. Technically speaking, even if Ozai was there physically, he was never emotionally available for his children being a narcissistic father.

I would say that Zuko had the worst childhood experience as compared to Katara because Katara had a brother who always supported his sister in dealing with the trauma, but we don’t see that in the case of Zuko whose own sister used to bully him right from the childhood for being too weak and the mom’s pet.

Now let’s analyze the colonizer part. Unfortunately, Zuko was born to a father who was not just the worst ruler but an equally worse son, brother, husband, and father. One can say that Zuko’s only fault was to hail from a wrong family but other than that, he was never a colonizer. You may ask why. I will give you a reason.

It’s not just Katara who has to bear the ill effects of the war that was imposed on her, but in many ways Zuko was a direct victim of what we call “Emotional Imperialism”. In psychology, it’s a condition where the colonizers not just physically take control of their colonies, but they start infusing their ideals deep into the mentality of their subjects as well.

Coming back to the case of Zuko, we find that he never gets to formulate the normal father-son relationship with Ozai, rather Ozai treats both his children as his humble subjects who need to obey him unquestionably and need to be perfect as his subjects. He’s in every sense not just a narcissistic parent but a controlling one as well who emotionally traps both his children and wants to rule over them at every cost. The apparent manifestation of this emotional imperialism is evident through:

Zuko’s quest to be the best firebender

When the colonizers start ruling over a certain colony, it’s the colonials who feel the need to be validated by their masters. It’s their first survival strategy that they embrace the change as they know resistance is going to be of no use. They simply adapt themselves to the new ideals that are set forth by their ruling masters. Similarly, Ozai always wanted his children to be the absolute embodiment of Azulon’s great bloodline and both his children obliged to his desires because they feared the firelord. Therefore, his stiff standards force both his children to compete against each other from a very young age. This is the worst form of emotional imperialism where the subjects simply want some validation in return and therefore they are ready to even forget their kinship. That’s what we find as Zuko repeatedly wants to “get his honor back and win the trust of his father”. What do you think this honor is? It’s not the quest for being the next heir to the throne, rather it’s being the absolute best in the eyes of the master who controls both the siblings. We know Ozai has a manipulative nature and this relates exactly to the manipulative attitude of a colonizer who puts the colonials against each other.

Zuko’s almost absent friend circle

Have you ever seen the modus operandi of the colonizers? They alienate their subjects so that the subjects find no way of self-expression and eventually give up to the demands of their masters. That’s exactly the scenario that propagates in Zuko’s life. Other than Mai and Ty Lee we don’t even find his friends throughout the series. Isn’t it a bit strange that despite being a prince, he has no guy friend of his age? He has no friends at all. It’s because the master (Ozai) wanted so. The siblings never get much exposure to the outside world. When we draw a comparison of Zuko’s situation, then Katara seems to be at an advantage in that she found a peer group that allowed her to grow further and overcome her insecurities. Zuko, however never got a chance to blend into an actual peer group and that kept him secluded throughout and gave him his introverted persona. Don’t you find it strange that as a friend Zuko got no one but his uncle who had a lot of age differences and the opinions differed too? This created a rift further maybe because Zuko felt that somehow his feelings were not interpreted well by Uncle Iroh. Compared to his “angry guy” persona, he grows a lot more friendly when he finds the gang or should we say people of his age. This allows him to understand his persona in a constructive way and he strives to alter the course of his life afterwards.

Identity crisis

Out of all the characters on ATLA, people often say that Zuko is the one with the most complex attributes because he is not even sure of his “destiny”. Sounds familiar? Eh? Well, this is the typical case of an identity crisis existing in the subjects of a colony. Zuko goes through this phase where he is always striving hard to explore his identity, and his destiny thus fueling his internal rage as well. A kaleidoscopic journey is what he follows. Sometimes it’s rage, sometimes regret and sometimes he even questions the actions of his father. By the end, his driving force to change his alliances is nothing but this very identity crisis. This makes me remember a very interesting observation that whenever he’s near the gang, he’s a bit cranky and at the same time uneasy because he looks at the gang as the polar opposite of himself. To a caged bird who has accepted his fate, even the slightest call of resistance feels like Hades’ call and that’s why he repeatedly aims to avoid Aang’s calls for forming a friendship because he is afraid of peeking into his resisting side. That’s the typical thing you find in Haru who despite being a fine earthbender resists waging a war against the firebenders who roam freely in his village at first. So would you blame Zuko for never resisting the colonization when as a subject it was inherent to his mentality for a long time?

A harsh realisation

People who degrade Zutara with this stupid claim that Katara was the only one who “lost everything” need to get their brains checked thoroughly because when we compare her loss to the magnitude of the loss faced by Zuko at the end of the war, the comparing scale diverts wildly in Zuko’s favor. Though many of you know this; I will recall it for you again. Katara lost her mother to the war but in the end, she got lifelong friends to cherish with her brother as well father. On the contrary, even during the war, we find that Zuko loses not only his mother, his father, and his sister in the worst possible way. It means all his family members are lost to him in every sense when the war ends. Now some of you will come to me with the argument that the gang eventually finds Ursa back but how? With her memories all erased. It means that the war has not just left him with permanent emotional wounds but it has further taken the very idea of a family from his life.

We zutarians never ship Zutara together because we “just find them good together” but it’s deeper than that. It’s because Zuko was the one who understood Katara’s quest for Yon Rha in order to find answers behind her mother’s death in addition to revenge. This is because deep down he was always looking for the answers of his mother’s (who was the only real person known to him) banishment. That’s exactly what we find after Zuko becomes the firelord. The first thing he does is asking Ozai questions and being certain that he’s finally gonna tell everything. We ship them together because Katara was the only person who understood the value of Zuko jumping in front of Azula’s lightning to save her. We ship them together because we believe if it had become a potential canon, maybe both of them could have helped each other in healing with their individual traumas and creating a real family together.

[juliettedunn]

Epiphany: King and Luz are how fanon imagines Philip and Caleb

King is clingy, and has major separation anxiety. He insists he’ll never let Luz leave him, gets anxious and upset when she does anything without him. He wants nothing more than to have her stay with him forever at all times, having assurance and full control over it. He even specifically was afraid Luz would leave him for another realm. He wasn’t just orphaned, but he lost his entire species before he was born. Luz and Eda are the only family he has.

He’s a scared little kid who just wants a family who stays with him. That’s almost exactly how I see Belos stans portray young Philip. And maybe that is indeed how Philip acted when he was King’s age.

Though, crucially, King doesn’t target Luz’s other loved ones and then kill her, only to clone her tons of times and abuse those child clones before murdering them. Because King isn’t a pathetic weirdo bitch.

King grows up. Which, he shouldn’t have had to mature so fast, because unlike Belos, he really IS just a little boy during all this. When his entire world gets shattered, TWICE, he has every reason to think only of himself and cling desperately to everything.

When he learns his entire species was killed, that he’s alone in the universe, it’s even clearer that Luz and Eda are all he has. But he chooses to open up his world and see things more widely, to pay attention and have a deeper understanding of his loved ones.

He becomes more aware of other people and their own lives, his worldview expanded outside himself. He uses that knowledge to reach out to others, like having empathy for the Collector, not condemning him. He tries to help Collie with the lessons he only learned recently.

In the end, King himself sends Luz away to another realm to protect her. All that time swearing he would never let her leave him, but he loves her more than that. He expresses his joy over her having her as a big sister, and he saves her. Because he truly loves her.

King is a CHILD. He couldn’t be faulted for acting more selfishly. It would have been reasonable of him to cling and beg Luz to protect him during King’s Tide, but he was a hero.

Belos never understood actual love like this. Caleb gave it to him, but he didn’t return it. It further emphasizes what a fucked up weirdo Philip is. He hasn’t been a child in hundreds of years. He was an adult who couldn’t learn to think beyond himself and the idealized fantasy narrative of his brother existing for him.

He thinks that any attempts for Caleb to have his own life are an insult to him, that the entire world starts and ends with Philip and his own desires. Hundreds of years and he never learned to see beyond that. He doesn’t feel joy that Caleb was his big brother. Only that he has a right to control and possess, and he will do anything to make it happen. Murder, abuse, enacting sick, petty fantasies.

He even disguises himself as a little kid and clings to Luz, hiding behind and clinging to her, tricking her into caring for him, in Hollow Mind.

Two clingy, anxious, possessive little brothers terrified to be abandoned when the world already took what should have been their family from them. One who matured greatly at only eight years old, and sacrificed everything to protect his older sibling.

And one who maintained a petty, selfish obsession for hundreds of years, colonizing a world and trying to commit genocide, while playing out a sick power fantasy of caretaking and control while screaming about what was taken from him, which was his own doing

Istg, if King wasn’t placed into the “animal companion” category as default, the fandom would have been all over the parallels. I would say “Hey Belos stans! Your cute, sweet, angsty,clingy younger sibling with abandonment issues is right here in King! Make stuff with Titanlights!” but they’d probably hear that and miss the whole damn point.

[pluckyredhead]

Character Profile: Koryak

And so we come to the last (but never least, not in my heart) Lost Titans profile: Koryak! My terrible, damp boy.

Look at him pout! How I love him.

Koryak debuted in the 1994 Aquaman series. (Note: I'm not sure what his last name is - his mother's is never mentioned, and even though I sometimes tag him as "Koryak Curry," I don't think he would use Arthur's last name, especially since even Arthur didn't use that name very much at the time.)

As I've mentioned before, Arthur has had a lot of different origins, but in the post-Crisis era, which the only era Koryak appeared in, Arthur's mother was the queen of Atlantis, and his father was Atlan, an ancient Atlantean sorcerer who impregnated her in a dream. Arthur was abandoned at birth because of the infidelity/his blond hair, was raised by dolphins (yes), and briefly lived with a human man named Arthur Curry who taught him English and gave him a human name to borrow.

Then Arthur - still a teenager at this point - went to Alaska, where he immediately rescued a teenage girl named Kako from a polar bear. Kako and her family took Arthur in in gratitude, and he and Kako fell in love. (Kako's family is sometimes said to be Inuit, sometimes Inupiat.)

Anyway, Arthur and Kako lose their virginities to each other. IN THE SNOW, FOR SOME REASON:

This is such an infuriating racist, sexist trope (the WOC with the broken English throws herself at the white hero, logic be damned - why isn't she wearing anything under her coat??? - but of course she will never be his wife, or anything more than a footnote in his story).

Immediately after this, tragedy strikes Kako's family, Arthur is blamed (it's not his fault), and he's thrown out. He returns to the ocean, and eventually goes on to become Aquaman, king of Atlantis, etc.

Years later, he returns to Alaska for plot reasons not worth going into, and that's when he meets Koryak, THE MOST NINETIES BOY OF ALL:

The shirtlessness, the swords, the hair! Truly a man of his era. (Boy? I always assumed he was about 18 here, but a Secret Files issue claims he was 16.)

Koryak is not Arthur's biggest fan, but after Kako turns into a fire elemental because this is the DCU and these things happen, Koryak decides to go to Atlantis with Arthur. Or, well, technically the city was called Poseidonis at the time, which will be important later.

Anyway, the Poseidonians are a little wary of a stranger at first, until Koryak saves a child's life and suddenly they love him. Koryak, who didn't really fit in in Alaska, is basking under the attention, but it doesn't go over well with the current king, Thesily (Arthur had stepped down a while back for Reasons), who is wildly jealous of Arthur, and fears Arthur is looking to take his throne back and now comes complete with heir.

So Thesily leads Koryak into a side room and tries to stab him to death. Luckily, a sudden earthquake causes a pillar to topple over and trap Thesily. Koryak gloats and leaves him to die. What a brat! I adore him!

The earthquakes aren't stopping, and the people of Poseidonis want to flee. Arthur tells them not to because a prophecy said they should stay, but Koryak leads the Poseidonians out of the city and to their sister city, Tritonis, which is where the merpeople live. There, the Poseidonians immediately proceed to be huge assholes to the Tritonians, using up their resources and being racist to them. (Introducing Koryak, an indigenous man and literally the only character of color underwater at this point in time, and having him lead a bunch of racist colonizers was...maybe not Peter David's best choice.)

Anyway, Koryak decides to open up some forbidden tunnels because he feels like it, and they turn out to be forbidden because they were imprisoning Kordax, Arthur and Koryak's evil immortal blond lizard man ancestor. Naturally.

Arthur rolls up with his crew (his girlfriend, his dad, and Garth) and Koryak and Garth throw down. It doesn't go well for Koryak:

I LAUGH EVERY TIME.

Anyway, Arthur's side wins, Kordax is killed, the Tritonians are freed, and Arthur decides that to make it up to them, the Poseidonians are going to serve them as slaves indefinitely. That...seems like compounding human rights violations on top of human rights violations, but okay. Anyway Koryak volunteers to stay and serve the Tritonians as well, because he feels guilty about what he's done.

...for a little while. Then he gets bored and decides they should leave. The king of Tritonis is like "Says who?" and Garth shows up out of nowhere and is like "Says me" and the king's like "Oh shit, okay" and lets them go, leaving Koryak both grateful and resentful towards Garth. I am eating this up with a SPOON btw.

Koryak returns to Tritonis, where he immediately falls back into old habits of resenting his father. Vulko, an advisor of Arthur's who is currently mad at him, sees this and decides to use it as an opportunity to overthrow Arthur:

(The scar across his nose is from Kordax. Later artists forgot it and I wish they hadn't.)

Vulko and Koryak plot for like...a really long time without anything coming of it. Arthur knows perfectly well that it's happening but doesn't do anything about it, even though he could put a stop to it by simply, like...showing Koryak five minutes of positive attention, ever, in his life. Because it's really, really obvious that Koryak just needs positive reinforcement, and would be fully Team Arthur if Arthur would just give him a reason - at one point when Arthur briefly dies (he gets better), Koryak is willing to die to try to avenge him and save Garth and Dolphin from torture. He's not all bad! He's just drawn that way!

Anyway, Arthur comes back to life and Poseidonis decides to make him king again. Just as he's about to be crowned, GARTH tries to overthrow him and steal the throne - but that's just because Garth has been holding Arthur's magic trident and was possessed by him. Arthur overpowers him, and then tells him that he's not mad and in fact, he's proud of Garth for holding out as long as he did.

Then Koryak tries his hand:

And like...yes, Garth only tried to steal the throne because he was possessed and Koryak did it willingly, but Koryak also tried to help Arthur when Garth went rogue. Again, it is so, so clear that Koryak's loyalty was Arthur's for the asking, but Arthur never asked. Instead, he praised Garth for trying to overthrow him and then told Koryak to his face how much he sucked.

Arthur is at least merciful enough to commute the normal sentence for treason from death to banishment, and Koryak is kicked out of Atlantis. Arthur then literally never thinks about him for the next SEVEN YEARS. (Okay, Koryak shows up very briefly for three issues in 1999 and Arthur thinks about him while he's looking directly at him, and then forgets he exists again. But then, Arthur also repeatedly forgets about his own wife. Arthur is terrible.)

Anyway, seven years later, Arthur has also been banished from Atlantis, and is now living in Sub Diego, which is what happens when half of San Diego inexplicably falls into the ocean and a small percentage of the traumatized people discover they can breathe underwater. Koryak, meanwhile, has returned to Atlantis to fight with Garth some more:

Love this for them!

Koryak, btw, is arguing that the survivors of Sub Diego should be allowed to move to Atlantis, and Garth's like "Uhhh they wouldn't fit in" and Koryak's like "Wow, racist." Ahem. In general, Koryak during this period is a lot calmer and more mature than he used to be, and also a lot more willing to forgive Arthur for All the Bullshit:

Also, there's a joke that implies Koryak might be queer?

Literally that's the joke here: Koryak is talking about a guy named Malrey (half-shark, half-cop, and no I am not kidding), and Lorena, who has a crush on Koryak, is clocking that she may not have a chance. I don't know if this was just a throwaway gay joke, which happened all the time in 2005, or if it was going somewhere, but we'll never know. (For the record, even though Garth says Koryak has a crush on Lorena, that doesn't appear to be true, especially since Lorena is underage and Koryak is definitely an adult by now. I don't think we should take Garth's line there as anything but dismissive of Koryak's outreach to the Sub Diegoans. Also, back in the 90s, Koryak definitely had a crush on a minor character called Deep Blue, a.k.a. Debbie Perkins, but that never went anywhere, which is good because SHE WAS ARTHUR'S HALF-SISTER. (She and Arthur made out a bunch before they knew, because Arthur loves kissing girls his sons have crushes on. YIKES ALL AROUND.) (Also just kidding, Arthur doesn't pay enough attention to any of his kids to know who they have crushes on.))

Anyway. Back to the plot. Mera is very sick because of Evil Magic, and Garth decides to perform a massive spell to save her, and Koryak agrees to help. This spell attracts the attention of the Spectre, who was evil at the time, and he, uh...destroys Atlantis, killing Koryak, Garth, and almost everyone else. Arthur finally acknowledges that he was a shitty dad:

Immediately after this issue, the book's title changed from Aquaman to Aquaman: Sword of Atlantis. The main character is not the Arthur we know, but a new, younger Arthur, Arthur Joseph Curry, who turns out to be a cousin of our Arthur. His mentor is a guy called the Dweller in the Depths, who has a tentacle face like Davey Jones from the Pirates movies. It is eventually revealed that the Dweller is actually Regular Arthur, with traumatic amnesia. Why? Why does he have a tentacle face now? NEVER EXPLAINED.

Anyway, we also meet this guy:

Narwhal's character design is...suggestive, let's say? Also suggestive: Garth has also turned up alive, and like "Narwhal," he now has albinism and partial amnesia. And Narwhal knows the name "Orin," though he can't place it. (It's Arthur's Atlantean name.)

Anyway, Narwhal is sent to kill this "Orin":

Narwhal kills Arthur/Orin/the Dweller, but it doesn't bring him peace, because he still doesn't know who he is - and Orin did, at the last minute. He goes to Atlantis for answers, and Mera confirms it, at least for the reader:

...and that's the last issue of Sword of Atlantis. WOMP WOMP. All of the Aquaman characters disappeared until Blackest Night (when Arthur returned). Koryak never appeared again, and was retconned out with the New 52. Oh well, at least the narwhal tusk spear is pretty dope.

As of Infinite Frontier, the pre-52 universe has been pretty much restored, which should mean that Koryak is back in continuity...but DC is still keeping Arthur's New 52/Rebirth origin intact, which means he did not spend any of his teenage years in Alaska, which means Koryak was never conceived. So things could go either way - any writer who feels like bringing him back could do so easily, but they don't have to.

I call Koryak "my terrible boy" a lot, and he's undeniably pretty obnoxious: immature, bratty, petty, unforgiving, and, uh...awfully on board with murder, let's say? He is also extremely young when we first meet him, and is instantly slammed with trauma: his mother essentially dies, someone tries to murder him, he's physically and mentally violated by Kordax. I'll say again that the slightest bit of positive attention from Arthur probably could have changed his entire life, but he never got it. SO HE'S GONNA GET IT FROM ME INSTEAD.

Anyway, I love Koryak very, very much, and have already written fic about him. And I have another Koryak fic in the works for after The Lost Titans is published. And I will never stop whining at DC to bring him back. If Koryak has one fan (he does), it's me. But maybe now it's you, too?

[m00nveil]

i sometimes can't help but think about how painful it was for luna to have been left behind by dasein... twice.

once when he sacrificed himself to subdue the world synthesiser. when that happened, luna was in complete disbelief. she carried the world synthesiser back to the arcanum crying, convinced that the dasein she came to love and appreciate beyond anything and anyone, had died a heroic death, saving the one thing he wanted to become a part of. she blamed the spiral, the arcanum, even the now long gone old one, grandmother raven, the heroes of lemuria, whatever she could in her devastation. she wanted him to be with her forever, so badly. she wanted him to experience all the things there are to experience, to truly belong. the days leading up to the formation of novus and the shards appearing in the sky were awful - even when she and maulwurf saw something appear in the cosmos, she was still not sure if she really has hope. she soothed herself with sybil's words: "even nothingness is reborn."

once again when he decided to try to return to being nothingness after the events of novus. this time, not only was she filled with sorrow and hatred, especially towards the colonizer nations of novus, but she was also scared. terrified. not scared for herself, she was scared for dasein. she knew for sure that he was alive this time, but where was he going? why isn't he responding to her? her, of all people? why did he kick her out of the nucleus gallery? she could've helped him, why abandon her? the black holes that replaced the shards in the skies of novus made her feel a type of dread she hadn't felt in quite some time. she couldn't believe that it was happening again, that he's leaving her again, just... on a much worse scale. her heart was already broken into a billion little pieces listening to dasein after she successfully fought off the aeon of atavus, and that just broke it even more.

she fell into a deep(er) depression, and her disillusionment with the spiral sadly returned. i say return, because it left after she met dasein. she, too, was disillusioned, the same way he was. she's contemplated consigning the entire spiral to death multiple times, but she can never do such a thing. she's the saviour of the spiral, THE wizard, and she always has to bring herself to care about it's inhabitants, even if they always make sure to remind her that she's an outsider (cough cough novus and wallaru). she's become a self sacrificing hero against her will, and that was the cause of her disillusionment.

but having this silly sentient antimatter next to her all the time, seeing him learn from her and from everyone else, finding a friend (and more) in him, made her realize that perhaps... perhaps, being a hero is not all too bad. being someone's hero is not all too bad. him leaving made all of that feel like as if it was never true. as if their adventures in lemuria never even happened.

[dahliamorena]

Wanted to share something I never seemed to have actually spoke about regarding my Mexico Oc; her hair!

I don’t believe I really ever explained the nuances of her (Lupita’s) hair, it’s rather ironic that I didn’t as I think her hair is what makes her stand out (hopefully) but hair in Mexican culture especially for women is rather important as it ties to our identity. However, I want to provide a bit of context to why I chose to style her hair the way I did!

- Hair Texture

I think wavy / loose curly hair is a rather commonly picked trait for female Mexico Oc’s as I’ve seen others who chose to use this texture which is rather nice tbh! Though, I’d like to explain why I chose to take this approach.

I’ve spoken before a little regarding my Oc’s heritage being indigenous, Nahua / Mayan in specific meaning that she has no biological / genetic relation to Europe as she’s not mestiza. Why I chose to make her indigenous can be saved for another post. Returning to this point however, this means Lupita was born with straight hair. While a texture =/= ethnicity in most cases, in MesoAmerica and in many indigenous communities in modern Mexico, the main type of texture amongst the people is typically straight and thick.

Indigenous hair styles tend to differ from region to region as many hair styles are commonly shared in different cultures. Braids, being arguably one of the oldest hair styles documented on the continent across practically all cultures, and then globally as well, have had a key significance in MesoAmerican and later Mexican cultures. Though girls and young unwed women were costumed to wear their hair loose in the Mexica culture, doing her hair in different styles is to me a form of storytelling and cultural referencing.

As I mentioned before; hair is often tied to identity. By the time the Spanish had colonized the area known as MesoAmerica and moved up into northern Mexico and the Southwest United States, the implementation of the Caste System had become a staple part of the new society. Lupita being an indigenous girl did not wear European gowns! Instead, she wore huipils (the traditional blouses / dresses of indigenous women) in order to identify her racial category but these huipils later on could also be made with European textiles, and sometimes even imitated European patterns. As a young teen, these fancy huipils were paired with a shawl she wore as a veil. Veiling was a common practice of modesty that was often tied to religious significance. Shawl veiling is still seen in Mexico now, mostly among older women when attending mass. Her veil often covered her hair that by this time had fully taken on its current wavy texture.

So what does all this mean in relation to Lupe’s hair? As I mentioned previously, though hair texture =/= ethnicity, it’s important that I also talk about the intense cultural shift that occurred in the continent as Mexico’s current culture itself is a “blend” of our original indigenous cultures and all the foreign influences. Whether those be European, African and even Asian! I figured that what better way to explore this influence than through hair. Hair is often times linked to culture and beauty in specific to women for the most part, women in Mexico put a lot of emphasis onto our hair because of how literally tied it is to our cultural identity!

- Hair Style

I want to dedicate this section to speaking on her hair style. I think I take a rather nuanced approach to this since I incorporate not just cultural aspects to her hair but also geographical. By now it’s kind of a running theme in the series for characters to sport accessories or have specific characteristics that represent certain cultural or geographical attributes of their lands so I thought I’d do so with mine.

Before I get into the details on why I chose to incorporate certain details into my Oc’s hair, I want to first talk a little about the hair in its natural state;

If anybody remembers when I used to draw her with her hair loose, you deserve a discount for sticking around for so long 🫡. Lupe sports long, thick, loosely waved hair that stretches well down her back. It’s dark in color, looking next to black, but its brown undertones show up best in sunlight. Her hair itself isn’t much on the surface level, it’s rather simple actually but I also think that it still holds some type of meaning. For centuries, long healthy hair was considered one of the most desired traits for women across many cultures and in Mexico it’s been no different. Women keep their gorgeous hair long and strong by braiding.

This brings me to my next point, her hair style! I think I unintentionally took a really creative approach when I was first drafting her design almost 10 years ago omg 😭 because I liked the way things looked. Her two little front braids are unintentionally similar to Nahua women’s “horned” style that signifies maturity and marital status but can also signify social status. Though a “mature” woman, Lupe is unwed. Her braids represent the two biggest mountain ranges of the country, those being the Sierra Madre Oriental and Sierra Madre Occidental, with a small red ribbon tied through them (shout out to my friend who gave me the idea). Ribbon tied braids are commonly seen amongst many indigenous communities but are also worn during holidays such as Independence Day (September 15-16th) and November 20th. Her bun is more of a “practical” choice. Though I enjoy drawing Lupita in different hairstyles, I know personally how hard it is to manage thick, textured hair, sometimes it’s just easier to put it up in a bun or something that keeps it neat and out of the way. The little braid that wraps around the base of her bun is a more recent addition, this represents the Sierra Madre Sur. The little curl and ahoge are self explanatory.

I think by now I get my point across but ofc I would appreciate any feedback on this since I don’t really do lore talks (if this even counts as one). I’ll gladly elaborate on any point !! Hope this was at least the tiniest bit of interesting for some of you 😅!!

[imfromthemiddlekingdom]

No but if my father infused his soul into gems that got stolen and my grandfather was killed because of it and some ipstart princess stole it from the theirs because it was the price of her getting her Romeo and Juliet fantasy I would too do whatever I could to get prices of my father back. Nothing is more important to me than family, no matter how shitty my father may have been. If his soul was trapped in three gems that my beloved grandfather died for and some uppity princess who’s never experienced lost as I have said “yup this is mine because I stole it!!!” I woul too lose my damn mind.

I think this may be hard for non colonial people to understand but I have had many of my families legacy taken from me by the west and then refused to return it because of “finders keepers” and “it would be better for everyone if we kept it with us instead of with you”. My family heirlooms are in the British Museum as we speak. I have seen my great grandmothers HanFu on display without our consent because it was STOLEN from us. I cannot begin to express my discontent and my hatred for all that have touched one of the pieces she’s worn and made without our consent. To know that one of the biggest joys of your great grandmothers live is now on display for a bunch of westerners who do not know the significance of the embroidery on her dress is so distressing I have trouble going to sleep sometimes especially since I know that the companion piece is with us. But to have her put in part of her soul to that piece and be stolen? I cannot being to think how badly I would feel. I already feel uncontrollable levels of anger to the west whenever I think of what happened to my family but if I had an inkling that her spirit may not move on properly because her spirit lasts in a piece of her art? I would go to the ends of the world to make sure she has rest.

I can sympathize with the Faenorians, especially considering that they did not think that their brothers would be saved without competing this oath. If I had sworn the same I do not believe I would have done anything differently, especially concerning the fact that my ancestors sprit rests within the artifact that my brothers and I damned ourselves to.

Non colonized people, I do not think, would understand just how painful it is to be separated from your birthright and culture. To know that someone else holds in their hands something that belongs to your country and your culture but refuses to give it up because they’ve “earned it” and have “conquers rights” is devastating. To hear that two of the twelve zodiac signs would not be returning to us even if my government has agreed to pay whatever they want is devastating. My government has said, repeatedly, that they would pay whatever the buyers wanted to be able to put the twelve zodiac signs heads in their resting pace so they can be respected and worshiped as they should be, but each time, westerners refused. It’s devastating. I cannot imagine how it would feel to know that your fathers souls rested within one of these artifacts but one of the thieves would not give it up because “muh mom stole it so it’s ours!!!!”

[mentaldiary-ah]

Women fighters, in fiction and in reality, have always fascinated me.

I grew up never getting tired of The Mummy Returns (2001) and its action-packed adventures. It features one of my most favorite cinematic moments: the fight scene between Nefertiri and Anck-su-namun, both tasked to be protectors in the kingdom of Egypt some 3,000 years ago. One may think they must be ahead of their time for training women for battle and assigning such tasks to them.

Fight scene from The Mummy Returns (2001)

There are many other scenes in the said film showing both women as their 1930s reincarnation, Evy (Nefertiri) and Meela (Anck-su-namun), fighting with and among men. Not once did Rick, Evy's husband, handed over guns to her to help them battle the enemies and save their son. Their kind of relationship was yet another reason why I have always loved that film.

Seeing The Mummy Returns again for the nth time, I figured these female characters have played a significant part in my upbringing. They showed me women can fight, too, when it was most needed. They didn't have to be the stereotypical damsels in distress waiting to be rescued because they can save themselves while saving others, as well. In retrospect, at such a young age I knew I wanted to be like them. I wasn't very much into the princess thingy, except for the Xena the Warrior Princess kind. In fact, I once dreamed of becoming like the Power Rangers with all their skills and stunts.

Through the years, I have been learning more about Filipinas who left their mark in our history. In an era of a patriarchal society where women were reinforced to be homemakers & deemed as the lesser sex, there were several of them who strayed against the conventions and took part in the never-ending fight for freedom.

Illustrations of Gabriela Silang (by Carlito Rovira) (top) and the first female general Agueda Kahabagan (from SCOUT Magazine) (bottom) during the Philippine Revolution

One of them was notorious for polishing her nails and putting on red lipstick before going to battle, because she believed she also fought for the freedom to be herself as a woman. Another one used to be a movie superstar until the war. She joined the guerrilla movement to avenge for her husband's murder, and in the process she saved an entire village from being killed by the colonizers.

The women of HUKBALAHAP (Hukbong Bayan Laban sa Hapon), clockwise from left:

Remedios Gomez-Paraiso AKA Kumander Liwayway and her red lipstick (art from Rejected Princesses); Carmen Rosales, movie star-turned guerilla fighter (from Flickr); Felipa Culala AKA Kumander Dayang-Dayang (art by Dos Garcia); and Simeona Punsalan-Tapang AKA Kumander Guerrero (art by @RoriComics on Twitter)

But the courage of Filipina women in history has been witnessed not only at home and in the battlefield. There were women who stood up for their right to receive formal education and their right to vote.

Top photo: a painting of The Women of Malolos (art by Rafael del Casal); bottom photo: U.S. First Lady Florence Harding w/ Filipina suffragette delegation, 1922 (From US-Philippines Society)

There were women who saved people's lives by caring for the injured and the sick and feeding the hungry.

Clockwise from left: Melchora Aquino AKA Tandang Sora (from Wikipedia); Josefa Llanes-Escoda (from Bayaning Filipino on Blogger); Maria Orosa (from Orosa Family); and Dr. Fe del Mundo (from National Academy of Science and Technology)

There were women who continue to fight for justice and for their right to be heard, not just as victims but survivors of a violent, tragic past.

Top photo: the Malaya Lolas of Candaba, Pampanga; bottom photo: the lolas of Lila Pilipina. Both are groups of “comfort women,” survivors of military sexual violence during the Japanese Occupation. (From Facebook)

There were women who prove themselves worthy to be recognized by the world for their talents, abilities, and dedication in their respective fields.

Hidilyn Diaz, the first Filipino Olympic gold medalist; and Maria Ressa, the first Filipino Nobel Laureate (From Esquire Philippines)

There were women leaders who empowered their countrymen towards a better quality of life.

Campaign images of Senator Risa Hontiveros and former Senator Leila de Lima for the 2022 National Elections (From Facebook)

Atty. Leni Robredo, former Vice President of the Philippines (From Esquire Philippines)

And before I forget, I was raised and surrounded by strong women who all the while face their own share of battles in life.

We as women are fighters, and we should never let anyone tell us otherwise.

Meanwhile, I believe I have arrived at a full circle. I may haven't reached my dream of becoming a Power Ranger but who would have thought that as an adult, I would portray a woman fighter myself?

Happy Women's Month!

[hadoriel]

Hey, as somebody who's been playing WoW for about a decade now and is deep into lore and all that... Some of these points seem a bit outdated. I totally agree with you that the game's narrative needs to be constantly doing better, especially since there's a lot of old stuff over the course of the franchise that has either aged badly or was never looked at critically enough (I mean, it was born from a bunch of white American dudes, so there was a lot of bias they'd just never confronted when they created it)

But I do think that, overall, we're making strides in the right direction. I mean, some of it is awkward, like every side couple being gay in Dragonflight as over-correction, but at least we're no longer at the stage of 'everyone headcanons a main character as queer to the point one of the writers goes on Twitter to yell at them and frantically claim the character isn't gay' from the Pandaria years. Heck, they finally caved and confirmed Chromie as trans, after they made her character joke about in in HOTS a decade ago. And although her story isn't spotlight, she's still there, talking about taking her humanoid form, in several quests. Flynn and Shaw got a whole book together, traveling part of the world

Orcs, Trolls, Tauren etc have been heroes for a while. I think a better solution is rather, when an Orc is a hero (a la Thrall), he shouldn't be made more humanized (like giving him eyebrows??) and/or they should be given better spotlight (instead of, say, us saving Baine in Shadowlands for him to just sit in a corner... literally). We do have a lot of characters from 'monstrous' races that could be in the spotlight, lots of really cool ones, too! In fact, that's one thing that I love about Warcraft's worldbuilding, is that there's so many characters that aren't human. But Golden really loved Anduin, so we keep getting him, there's a lot of elves, and Thrall is pretty much the default Horde character to choose from when they don't want to build up someone else. I'd love to see Ji and Aysa again tbh. Talanji would be nice. Point is - we DO have heroes of those races. It's just that they either don't get enough spotlight or, in Thrall's case, they humanize them too much

This will probably be up in the air for a while. I remember my hackles being raised at Drustvar's storyline, because that was so recent, and yet the overarching plot of the zone was 'the native people here are evil legit witches and our colonizer ancestors killed them - we need to kill them again' with a token couple of 'good' people of the native culture who hole themselves up in a cave and lament how evil their brethren are. So, yeah, we do need to keep talking about this, though I think it's a bigger issue than just WoW, of course

I think they've been successful at this. The Tuskarr in Dragonflight tell actual Inuit tales, have actual Inuit names, and were approved by actual Inuit people, for example. Goblins seem to be working towards a new future with Gazlowe in charge. I was pleased that the centaur were matriarchal without being evil (as is stereotype - even as recently in WoW as the blood trolls in Nazmir) and the archeologists were espousing modern archeology ethics, like returning their finds to the people they belonged to

Have you seen the new character coming in War Within? The black half elf lady with the prosthetic shield arm? I do think they're trying. But unfortunately the toxic gamer bros have been calling her a 'diverse checkbox' character and getting mad, even though we know very little of her so far besides being a major character. Yes, it took WAY too long to add darker skin tone options for player races. But they are moving forward

"... mansplaining to a PoC coded monster that his government system is inherently wrong" - I think you're talking about Anduin here, yeah? Who was he saying this to? For some reason my brain keeps going to his dumb conversations with Sylvanas instead orz. Nonetheless, the Light is... unfortunately Christian-based and it makes me uncomfortable, as a non-Christian, but I do think they've also been trying to diversify the Light so that the Christian elements are uniquely a human culture thing. There was a big ruckus over it regarding the Paladin hero talents a bit ago on Twitter, actually. I don't think we've even touched human Light beliefs since, what, Cata? I just generally think Anduin could've been a good character, had he not been treated like he was always right, and then dragged through the mud as a forced attempt at being a foil for Sylvanas' insanity through SL

Anyways - I don't think, just because Warcraft has some issues, it should be outright banned in random polls, especially when we DO have canon queer characters now valid for the blog in question. I don't think anyone should really bother poll blogs about 'ugh I hate this media it's so bad!!' unless it's like... actually overtly offensive outright. Which WoW isn't

To OP poll blog themselves, sorry for the reply ramble. Please don't ban Warcraft because of a random anon lol ;; It's a big and old franchise, has problems, but it's nothing like... bad bad awful ban worthy

I'm not asking you to pull Mathias Shaw, I just want more people to be aware that white queer characters doesn't equal wokeness and the general exclusion of non whites from LGBTIQA discussions.

I also criticize media like World of Warcraft so the writers will eventually get the message that stuff like this is offensive and they should do some damage control like:

Stop depicting orcs, trolls, tauren and countless other "monsters" as purely evil villains, let them be heroes too.

Admit the countless white colonizing characters did wrong and that people like Zul'jin were wronged.

Tone down the racial coding a little bit and don't do it for new races they create.

Stop having all prominent human characters be white and for god's sakes, tone down the white savior vibes!

No having characters like a blonde blue eyed white guy from ersatz europe that worships ersatz christianity mansplaining to a PoC coded monster that his government system is inherently wrong unlike Ersatz Europe's absolute monarchy does NOT equal talking down toxic masculinity, it (unintentionally?) endorse a white supremacist vibe. PS: Did you get my other Warcraft Ask?

I know! I was just putting that in the tags because I've had problems with people making assumptions about what I stand for as a person before based on "allowing" a certain media to go through. Not targeted at you specifically! Although my knowledge of WOW is severely limited personally, I agree with everything you're saying here! Also yes, I did, I'll post it after this one. I've been holding off on answering certain asks because I just don't have the time to do thorough research right now, so I'm glad you elaborated on what you meant!

[all-the-heart-you-cannot-see]

It has come to my attention, that many people did not understand Encanto and it's Generational trauma theme.

long ass post bellow the cut, you have been warned!

1. Some historical context

Now, before we proceed i think it's important to clarify something, the guys who chased Alma and Pedro out of their home were not colonizers, they were either guerrilla, paramilitary or even Colombia’s own military (although i don't think Disney is that bold) the reason why i think it's so important to clarify that, it's because if these were colonizers that would mean this event took place over 2 hundred years ago, and although many Latin American countries still suffer the effects of colonialism, as far as generational trauma goes, i think the most affected are the indigenous peoples.

instead, when we place the time of the events where it belongs it means it could've even happened in the last 10 years, this war has been going on for the last 70 years and it mostly affects people from rural areas, they are either forced out of their homes by guerrillas and paramilitary, or their children are taken by the army to continue the string of young guys send to die in the front lines, the guerrillas even take the girls, you are killed if you refuse.

The generational trauma is alive in the Colombian people today, it's a thing that keeps happening and it is unresolved, worsened by the fact that politicians bank on it to get votes from the people in the big cities who have never in their lives have to run out of their homes in terror.

2. My own experience as a Colombian

Now with that gruesome fact out of the way, let's talk about Hispanic family dynamics, and disclaimer, Hispanic people are not a monolith and our experiences are not universal so this may not apply to every his panic family out there, but it does to most. Also when i say some things are cultural, i don't mean they are okay because of it, it just means it’s not going to go away because the younger gens are realizing it or gringos on the internet are shaming us about it.

For a culture with so much machismo, most of our families are pretty matriarchal, either because the father figure was killed, like in Encanto, because he just left or maybe he had more than one family so he wasn’t around much, or simply he went out every day to work leaving the woman as the authority figure in the house, this, paired with the fact that many countries suffered from US imperialism in the XX century means many of us know the stories of everything our parents or grandparents (single mothers or not) had to go through to support the family.

This may also apply to you if your family migrated in the last three generations.

My grandmother wanted to be a model, there is a single picture from that time in the house from a photo shoot she did when she was 17, she says she was going to send that shoot to a magazine for a Model of the Year award, however since she was still a minor she needed permission from my great-grandparents to do it.

they had to leave the country that same year, she came back some 20 years later with two daughters and the money she, working as a secretary, and my grandpa, working as a bus driver, had saved to buy a bus back here and put a down payment for a house, she stayed a housewife when she came back and I’ve never known why they had to leave or why i don't know anything about my great-grandfather, but everybody in my family and my extended family talks fondly of my great-grandmother and respect her memory despite all the stories of her "disciplining them" when they were children, i don't remember her much, but they tell me i had it easy with her because i was always a well-behaved child.

i think of my great-grandmother as Alma. She had 4 children when she had to leave for another country on her own, my grandma being the oldest at the time. Over the years as I’ve gotten older and discovered more stories about the time they spent with her and the family’s return to Colombia many things about the way our family dynamics work have become clear to me, some have been really bad and the result of the generational trauma being passed along and some are great, like that fact that she managed to turn every one of her children into successful adults despite the fact that i don't think she even finished elementary school.

There is no place in our family for a nuanced discussion about my grandma's and her siblings upbringing or how my great grandmother later raised the entirety of my mother’s generation (more than 10 boys and girls) while her sons and daughters went out to work, because for them everything that we have today it's thanks to her, and any mention of any wrongdoing would be tainting that memory.

And it is true, my great grandmother was an exceptional woman and what she did for her children and grandchildren is remarkable and required an immense amount of will and strength on her part but that doesn't mean she hurt the family as well. So many people complain about Abuela Alma being forgiven so easily when...it's realistic and i don't think you have put yourselves in the shoes of everybody in the family.

3. Finally, let’s talk about Encanto

Alma says it herself, she isn't the woman she thought she was going to be, I’m sure she wasn't this bitter controlling woman when the triplets were growing up, they probably got to experience a warm, understanding mother, that helped them understand the magical powers they got at an age as young as five. I'm sure they saw her change as timed passed and all those fond memories they had and the knowledge of everything she had done for them kept them from reaching a point where their relationship with her was broken beyond repair.

I’ve seen many head canons of "oh, i bet Abuela Alma didn't like Felix" or "i bet she thought Agustin was below Julieta" but, didn't you guys see her entire sequence with Pedro?, I’m sure it was HER the one to say to her daughters to never accept anything less than royal treatment, they have wonderful husbands because her mother had one and taught them what a good marriage should look like.

So it's really funny to see all of you go in the complete opposite direction and strip all the nuance away from Alma to turn her into this monster villainous woman who has no regard for anybody in her family, when all she wanted from the beginning was to keep a safe place for them.

Something that called my attention during Dos Oruguitas is that as she walks in the hallways passing the doors and they age her, her facial expression never changes, is the same sadness and emptiness she had right after Pedro was killed and it's because she never got to process her trauma. It happened and she was immediately trusted into a leadership role and given immense responsibility, so she HAD to keep it away, there was no time for her to dwindle on it.

Even with the way she retells the story in the beginning is all mystified like a fairytale, she doesn't let them see how it truly affected her because if she did she would have to deal with it, and in her mind even all these years later she still can't afford to.

the entirety of Dos Oruguitas is her finally beginning to process the trauma that she suffered, I’m sure it’s the first time since it happened that she has allowed herself to feel everything she felt back then, it’s the first time she has realized that they are safe, that her family won’t get taken away from her, and her world won’t shatter again the same way it did all those years ago.

it's up to everybody whether they would forgive a family member in these circumstances, forgiveness is something really personal and the people who hurt you are not entitled to your forgiveness but, that’s why they forgave her so easily, it isn't fair, sure, but it’s how many of our families work, and it's how this family works in this context, no matter how dysfunctional.

[featherquillpen]

Liveblog of the #23: The Pretender audiobook

I liveblogged about it to @joysweeper on Discord, so here it is in bullet point form. Boy did I get mad about Hork-Bajir rights.

Michael Crouch (the narrator) is soooo goooood

You know I love the trans Tobias reading and I'm hearing his speech in early 23, about how his name doesn't tell you who he really is, through that lens

We all talk a lot about how Rachel's behavior to Tobias in early 33 (when she tries to trap him in human morph) is appalling. But there are shades and precursors to that in early 23, huh? Everyone except Rachel can see Aria is fishy right away, and she's the one pushing and advocating for Aria to be real because she wants a human boyfriend -- even though Aria is in fact a serious danger to him, and everyone except her can see it. Her entire push for Tobias to be human is selfish, cruel, and puts him in danger, and it extends beyond 33. Rachias is such a nightmare train wreck, I love it

Crouch's human Tobias is delightfully stilted. He sounds like he's making an awkward phone call at all times

I'm so goddamn emotional about the free Hork-Bajir. But also 🔪🔪 at the way Tobias condescends to them. And he's better than the rest of the animorphs about them. The bar is on the floor

I love Crouch's Toby voice omg. It reminds me of his Cassie voice! Calm, precise. More hoarse than Cassie's, as a nod to her being a big lizard, but not gravelly like his Jara voice

It's so transparent how Tobias goes to the HB to stroke his ego without doing very much to support and manage their feelings in return

I still do love the way Tobias explicitly connects the HB plight to the way they're living on colonized Native land. That's some of the closest to truly radical thought the animorphs get. It's always him and Cassie with the borderline radical visions.

Jara says the HB will give their lives for Tobias, and then Tobias says, well people like that you have to try and save. An uncharitable reading of this is: What if the HB weren't so fawning and grateful, Tobias? What if they resented and disliked you even though you helped them? Would they not be worth saving then? Do you only fight to save people who are sufficiently grateful? Who are model victims of the Yeerk empire?

He really does worry more about these rabbits than he ever does about the enslaved HB he kills and maims. He has that moment later with Fal Tagut which I love, but Fal forgives Tobias and Tobias does not then have a guilt spiral about what he does to enslaved HB on the regular.

Tobias's comment in 23 that humans have these little intimacies he doesn't is kind of interesting. He wasn't physically affectionate as a human in book 1, and he still isn't when he morphs. I can't help but think about it through the trans femme lens again. Many trans women have noted a jealousy about the physical intimacies available to women.

I'm kind of realizing that Marco may be the most physically affectionate animorph and it is sending me. If you count tussling and shoving with Rachel and Jake then it's Marco

Crouch truly does the best Ax voice besides Vermer himself. He just sounds like a teenage boy who speaks with great precision

The fact that Tobias doesn't know his birthday speaks much more to his human life than his bird life. It indicates that it was never celebrated.

Oh my God I loved the delivery of Tobias's line in 23: "I cannot use my superpowers for evil." I always imagined that faux solemn as a joke, but Crouch delivered it so earnestly and it's very cute

I love the homework scene in 23 where Cassie noticed that Ax misses having people who can nerd out at his level of Andalite science. Though, on the other hand, presumably any of the animorphs could learn to nerd out at his level if they had any patience. They always cut him off when he tries. So that's kind of on them.

Visser Three calls free HB "poor stupid Hork-Bajir"... The animorphs' opinion of them is truly not so different from V3's

It's so funny to imagine Visser Three doing all these Aria things. Getting dressed up. Acting sad about zoo animals. Reading a newspaper

I really feel like Ax gets so shafted in Tobias books after 13 in favor of Rachel. The juicy Ax scenes are just lacking here. Like I would love to see Tobias have a moment of guilt in his fantasies about being human about leaving Ax alone in the woods. It feels in character

TOBIAS TELLS AX ABOUT ELFANGOR OFF SCREEN. I will never not be mad about this. WHY would you end on a birthday cake with Rachel instead of Tobias telling Ax they're family?! It might be Applegrant's biggest fuck up, if we lay aside obvious punching down problematics like Marco cracking jokes about Ax's "rain man impression" and everything with the auxiliary animorphs

My personal pet theory is that even if Tobias hadn't figured out that Aria was Visser Three, or if Aria had been real, he wouldn't have been able to actually follow through on his resolve to trap himself as a human and live with her. There's a lot of textual evidence that Tobias prefers life as a hawk and is in denial about it, and further, with his history of abusive neglect, I think once he was actually faced with a parental figure that he doesn't deeply trust, he would panic and feel the need to escape immediately. He just wouldn't be able to do it.

[pessimisticpigeonsworld]

First off, I didn't tag this anti Sansa as you claim in your tags, I tagged this anti Sansa stans because it appeared that the person who posted the video was a Sansa stan. You're really not helping the negative image associated with Sansa stans btw.

I think you missed a massive part of my post, which was that Dany's GOT ending was horribly written. There was no foreshadowing, no buildup, and no reason, as I said in my post. You are coming into this discussion deliberately ignoring a massive part of my argument.

You are so obviously anti Dany and are a fan of GOT's ending. This puts us already at opposite ends of this debate, so of course you disagree with me. That's why I fucking tagged this anti Dany antis, anti got, and anti d&d.

You clearly have some massive misconceptions about Dany. Dany isn't a white savior, that's something that's literally been debunked by GRRM himself.

So no, Dany isn't a "white savior", because she's saving people who are just as white as she is as well as others of every race. Dany also doesn't fit the definition of a white savior because she doesn't view herself as superior to those she saves and her motivations aren't based in selfishness or self-glorification.

What do you mean Dany "doesn't save anyone"? Did you watch the show? Did you read the books? Dany saved literally thousands of slaves, millions of you count those saved by her disrupting and damaging the slave trade. In the show, she also saved the fucking world, like without her, her armies, and her dragons, the Northmen would have been wiped out and the Others would have destroyed the world.

Moving on, Dany isn't a colonizer, do you understand the difference between colonizing and conquering? Apparently not, so I'll explain it. Colonizing is done on behalf of another country (think the conquistadors and Spain), is meant to exploit the colonized land and people for the gain of said other country, and often involves the attempted eradication of the native people and their culture.

In the context of Dany: what country was she supposedly colonizing Slavers Bay for? Not Westeros, considering she had no connections to the current rulers, therefore making it so she couldn't be taking it on behalf of the country.

She also never interacts with the Essosi cities she "colonized" once she returned to Westeros. There's no forced shipping of Essosi goods to Westeros, she doesn't forcibly take troops for her conquest of Westeros, and she doesn't interfere with their politics after she leaves. Anyone who came with Dany to Westeros did it of their own free will, that's kind of a big deal in season seven, in case you forgot.

Another massive point in my post you're ignoring is that Dany and Paul aren't actually comparable characters. GRRM and Frank Herbert were writing extremely different stories in drastically different worlds.

For one thing, ASOIAF is a fantasy story; sure it's dark and subverts common tropes, but the genre is still the same. Dune is sci-fi and meant to be fairly philosophical. Do you understand what that means? It means that GRRM and Herbert are attempting to make very different points in their stories.

GRRM has already explained how his story is focused on underdogs who are trying to change/save the world. He admires the dreamers, the people who want to make a difference, whether they succeed or not. Dany is one of his favorite characters

Interviewer: I know that Tyrion is your favorite character. Who's your second favorite? GRRM: Maybe Arya or Dany. (video here)

ASOIAF also has actual prophecies and magic, unlike Dune. Dany has prophetic dreams and fulfills prophecies. She is magical, she hatched dragons from stone when no one else could and is bringing magic back into it's former strength (Qartheen magicians, glass candles igniting). Dany is written as a hero, there's no point denying it, especially since all your evidence to the contrary is based on shitty writing and misunderstanding events.

Dany is very much driven by a desire to overthrow oppression, that's why she started her conquest of Slaver's Bay. She was sold as a bridal slave, she understands the injustice and horrors of slavery, that's why she wants to destroy it. Dany wants justice, she wants to protect her people, she's constantly trying to learn how to better help and protect them. She calls them her children for fuck's sake, and she holds herself to a very high standard.

I'm not going to argue with you about Paul, I think we're both in agreement there. But Dany isn't a fucking tragic character, the writing for her ending was tragic; it's objectively bad. Every single reasoning given for her "madness" makes no sense.

Yes, Dany was driven by a desire to reclaim her throne, but the situation and circumstances aren't the same as Paul's. Her family created Westeros as it is in the current ASOIAF timeline, Paul has no actual claim to the empire.

Dany also constantly sets aside her goal of the IT for the good of others. Whether it's freeing the slaves in Slaver's Bay (which apparently is an evil thing in your opinion, how dare she not let literal slavery continue even after she'd been sold as a bridal slave) or going to the North and sacrificing two of her dragons and a large part of her army to, again, save the goddamn world.

As for Dany's advisors, I think you're generalizing, considering how many of her advisors constantly sue for peace in the show. Dany also chooses to ignore the violent advice so many times, even to her detriment. The only time she embraces violent advice is when she randomly flips a switch and chooses to torch KL for no reason other than Missandei saying dracarys.

I agree, just because someone is tragic doesn't make them a hero. Paul isn't a hero, but again, you're deliberately missing the point of my post, which was how Dany was written as a hero by GRRM and D&D decided to fuck that up for no reason outside shock value and sexism. Dany and Paul are not comparable characters.

Jumping back to ASOIAF's setting, you seem to not understand that the series is set in a medieval based setting. That means the idea of the divine right of kings is extremely prevalent. If you're going to condemn Dany for believing that the IT is her birthright (it was her father who was usurped btw, making her a direct heir, hence why Robert Baratheon wanted her dead), you should condemn the Starks for believing Winterfell and the North are their birthright, including Sansa.

Robert, Stannis, and Renly Baratheon, Robb Stark, Jon Snow, and Sansa all excuse their wars by saying it's their right. The Baratheons had Targaryen blood, which is why Robert claimed the IT after the rebellion. Stannis and Renly were Robert's closest living and legitimate relatives, which is why they believed they should inherit the IT after him. Robb believed that being the ruler of House Stark entitled him to rallying the lords of the North in rebellion. Jon Snow believed that due to his relation to Ned, he should rule Winterfell rather than the Boltons. Sansa believed that as the oldest surviving child of Ned, she deserved to be queen in the North. If you're pissed over characters fighting for birthrights, you're watching the wrong genre.

Dany is actually different from most of these other examples, as she proves herself. She proves her strength in war times, her skill in strategy (granted that one is more in the books), her ability to rule a city in a time of massove political upheaval, and shows her love for the common people by allowing them into her council and listening to every single request her people have in Meereen.

The show did a horrific job of adapting Dany's Meereen storyline. In the book, Dany is constantly battling the Sons of the Harpy and the Harpy herself (heavily implied to be Hizdahr zo Loraq's aunt) on the political front. She has to negotiate with Yunkai and Qarth, who both attack her along with Volantis. She has to manage drought, plague, and dismantling a millenia old system. Dany's arc in ADWD is all about her proving herself as a capable queen. So yes, I do say Dany is a better ruler than Paul, because I've had it shown to me by the story.

Somewhere beneath those roofs, the Sons of the Harpy were gathered, plotting ways to kill her and all those who loved her and put her children back in chains. Somewhere down there a hungry child was crying for milk. Somewhere an old woman lay dying. Somewhere a man and a maid embraced, and fumbled at each other’s clothes with eager hands. But up here there was only the sheen of moonlight on pyramids and pits, with no hint what lay beneath. Up here there was only her, alone. She was the blood of the dragon. She could kill the Sons of the Harpy, and the sons of the sons, and the sons of the sons of the sons. But a dragon could not feed a hungry child nor help a dying woman’s pain. And who would ever dare to love a dragon? (ADWD - Daenerys II)

Tell me, does this passage read like someone who doesn't care about her people? Someone willing to sacrifice them for her own selfish goals? Dany is actively choosing to attempt a peaceful transition from a slave based economy in Meereen for the sake of her people's lives.

Dany is not like Paul in any way. I know I've repeated that a million times, but apparently it hasn't sunk in. They are two very different characters, written with different ideas in mind. Dany's "madness arc" is simply shitty writing, while Paul's is thoroughly foreshadowed and thought out. Dany is written by GRRM to be a hero, Paul was never meant to be one.

I saw a tiktok comparing Paul Atreides to Daenerys and it made me want to gouge out my eyes and break my phone.

I just don't understand how Dany and Paul are comparable in any way. For one thing, Dany's ending in GOT only happened because of bad writing. There's no foreshadowing, no buildup, or reason for her fall.

Disclaimer: I haven't actually read the Dune books yet, just watched the movies and read Wikipedia stuff. So anyone who has read Dune, please please please correct me if I'm misunderstanding things.

From what I saw in the movies and read from secondhand sources, Paul was never meant to be a hero. Sure, he was a good kid, but his arc isn't that of a fallen hero. The moment Paul chose to exploit the fremen and the Bene Gesserit's false prophecy, he solidified himself as anything but a hero. He was set on vengeance and survival.

Paul is a fascinating character, but he's not a hero in any way, and wasn't at any point in his story (to my understanding).

Dany is a hero, whether you like it or not. From book/season one, she's been protecting those weaker than her to the best of her ability. She sacrifices her own desires and ambitions for the sake of others.

...this Mother of Dragons, this Breaker of Chains, is above all a rescuer. (ADWD - Tyrion VI)

Dany chooses to prioritize the innocent and the oppressed in her mission. Paul chooses to lead a holy war that will kill billions of innocents.

They're not comparable characters, because they're very different archetypes and communicate very different things from the authors. Dany is an underdog and someone who fights for justice while maintaining her gentleness. Paul is someone who basically embodies "for the greater good", sacrificing billions for the future.

Dany is written to be a hero, Paul is not. Dany is only turned from being a hero because of bad writing and sexism. Paul's descent is well written and clearly foreshadowed. Paul's story is what D&D wanted to gaslight the viewers into believing Dany's was. Unfortunately, that seems to have worked for certain parts of this fandom. Also, the poster had a Sansa pfp, so I think it's easy to tell why they view Dany this way.

Paul and Dany's characters aren't even in the same ballpark as each other. Comparing them is stupid.

[dragynkeep]

You know how in Hunger Games it's emphasized over and over that Katniss is not trying to be a martyr, she's not trying to reshape society or make a difference. All she wanted to do was save her little sister because in her own words she's pretty sure prim is the only person she still loves.

Now imagine if we got that dynamic for Weiss and Whitley? Obviously the take that she only loves Whitley would have to be adjusted but before coming to Beacon Weiss loved only two people. Her brother and sister. Winter can handle herself and is free so more of Weiss' devotion goes to Whitley. It could've been so sweet to see. Especially since Weiss and Katniss do share some surface level similarities: absolutely zero social skills, a bit one track minded, determined as all hell, and love with their whole heart.

honestly i really like that. i think that weiss’s motivation being moved away from reclaiming her name from jacques grasp  —  when the name & legacy itself is drenched in the blood of vacuo because of that violent colonization & nicholas isn’t actually a hero there’s my correct hot take  —  but into leaving the entire family behind & rescuing the only one depending on her is a much better motivation.

it allows weiss to not only grow from the internalized bigotry she learned from her father & her grandfather’s legacy, but then allows for some more interpersonal growth between the two & their relationship. it feels more intimate & relatable to the audience than “wah i wanna have my rich name but without daddy’s icky capitalist slavery slant on it” even though the name is already irredeemable. let that shit die weiss. focus on redemptive measures & protecting the only two people who care about you & who you care about in return.

it would also do wonders in contrasting her with yang who obviously has never had to have this struggle with ruby & aligning her with blake who’s motivations for becoming a huntress are eerily similar. her protecting whitley also then feeds in nicely to her going up against salem as now she has a personal motivation beyond “we’re just following ruby” into defending remnant because she has a little brother to defend & a big sister to fight beside.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Slashers / Horror Villains as: Animated (Children’s) Movie Villain Songs

+ A Nightmare Before Christmas 

First of all, its mostly Disney. Second of all, I hope you know that this was a struggle for me. 

Also, note, Bubba will be the only Leatherface in this post and Billy and Stu will be the only Ghostfaces. There is Norma Bates though, so sort of a consolation. 

There are links to videos on YouTube ^^

~~~

Billy Loomis and Stu Macher / Ghostface: Playing With the Big Boy’s Now (Hotep and Huy, Prince of Egypt) 

Well... they’re part of the ‘big boys’, now! They are part of the Slashers group that, uh, ‘inspired them’. Imagine instead of Egyptian Gods, they’re chanting Slasher names. 

[HUY] Pick up your silly twig, boy [HOTEP & HUY] You're playing with the big boys now! Ha ha ha ha!

[EGYPTIAN PRIESTS] By the power of Ra Mut, Nut, Khnum, Ptah Sobek, Sekhmet, Sokar, Selket Anubis, Anukis Hemsut, Tefnut, Meshkent, Mafdet... 

Chop Top and Nubbins + Bubba Sawyer / Leatherface: Kidnap Mr Sandy Claws (Lock, Shock and Barrel, Nightmare Before Christmas) 

I mean... they aren't Drayton’s minions, but they are like this XD 

I say that we take a cannon, aim it at his door And then knock three times And when he answers Sandy Claws will be no more

Yes you're so stupid, think now If we blow him up to smithereens We may lose some pieces And then Jack will beat us black and green

Kidnap the Sandy Claws Tie him in a bag

Chucky / Charles Lee Ray: In The Dark Of The Night (Rasputin, Anastasia)

Mystical man? Check! ‘Betrayal’ (As far as he sees it)? Check. Made them pay? Check; I think Nica, Sarah and all the other families he destroys throughout the franchise can attest to that. And ‘One little girl got away’? Well Andy isn’t a girl, but yeah. Check. 

I was once the most mystical man in all Russia When the royals betrayed me they mad a mistake My curse made each of them pay But one little girl got away Little Anya, beware Rasputin's awake

Drayton Sawyer: Don’t Fall In Love (Forte, Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas) 

Its such a crochety, unessessarily rude way of describing relationships to someone! I mean, I understand completely and resonate deeply with the desire to be alone and not be responsible for anyone else, but- come on! Beast doesn't share your view! Let it go! 

Its just like Drayton’s reaction to Bubba having a crush. Super cool video too! 

As soon as your heart rules your head Your life is not your own It's hell when someone's always there It's bliss to be alone

And love of any kind is bad A dog, a child, a cat They take up so much precious time Now, where's the sense in that?

Freddy Krueger: No More Mr Nice Guy (Rothbart, Swan Princess) 

A man with an uncomfortable relationship with the main female character pretending to be normal and not homicidal for a while before unlocking more power and letting there inner bad guy loose and taking great pleasure in it? Sounds familiar. They also have a similar vocabulary- except of course Rothbart is rated G. 

I'll become that nasty, naughty, dirty, spiteful Wicked, wayward, way-delightful Bad guy I was born to be

Lyin' loathesome, never-tender Indiscreet repeat offender No more Mr Nice Guy That's not me 

Inkubus: The World’s Greatest Criminal Mind (Professor Rattigan, The Greatest Mouse Detective)

‘Inkubus’ is literally a movie about him listing all his crimes over the centuries and messing with the police force because he has a bone to pick with a detective. Sounds pretty similar to me! Listen to the song! ^^

Now comes the real tour de force Tricky and wicked, of course! My earlier crimes were fine for their times But now that I'm at it again An even grimmer plot has been simmering In my great criminal brain! 

Jason Voorhees: Despicable Me (About Gru, Despicable Me) 

I... this is all I could think of!! But the more I listen to it and read the lyrics... it f i t s Jason so well! XD Please just let this slide; I know Gru isn't really a villain but he is at the start!! Let me have this. 

Why ask why? Better yet "Why not?" Why are you marking x on that spot? Why use a blow torch isn't that hot? Why use a chainsaw? Is that all you got? Why do you like seeing people in shock? But my question to you is "Why not?" Why go to the bank and stand in line Just use a freeze gun it saves me time. I'm havin' a bad, bad day It's about time that I get my way Steam rollin' whatever I see, Huh, despicable me I'm havin' a bad, bad day If you take it personal that's okay Watch, this is so fun to see Huh, despicable me

Jennifer Check: Trust In Me (Kaa, The Jungle Book) 

She’s a succubus demon. Tempting boys into a safe-feeling, docile state so she she can strike is her thing. 

Will cease to resist Just relax Be at rest Like a bird In a nest

Trust in me Just in me Shut your eyes And trust in me

Mayor Buckman and Granny Boone: Savages (Governor Ratcliffe and the Colonizer’s parts, Pocahontas) 

Obviously, because of the (Inaccurate) historical relevance of both movies (Different time’s, same terrible prejudice,) and also because there is definitely a very cult-ish feel about both Governor Ratcliffe’s song and Buckman’s leadership. How easily they’re able to gather support from their people for the most horrible reasons. How horrifying it is to audiences and historians. 

They're only good when dead They're vermin, as I said And worse

They're savages! Savages!

Barely even human

Savages! Savages!

Drive them from our shore! They're not like you and me Which means they must be evil We must sound the drums of war!

Michael Myers: The Gospel Truth II (Muses about Hades, Hercules)

In a Disney movie, Michael would have others sing his song about him as he goes about his silent, determined walking XD 

If there's one God you don't want to get steamed up It's Hades 'Cause he had an evil plan He ran the underworld But thought the dead were dull and uncouth He was as mean as he was ruthless And that's the gospel truth He had a plan to shake things up And that's the gospel truth

Midnight Man: Oogie Boogie’s Song (Oogie Boogie, Nightmare Before Christmas)

A song about a “Gamblin’ Boogie Man” is perfect for the Midnight Man! He and Oogie could be pals. 

Woah! The sound of rollin' dice To me is music in the air 'Cause I'm a gamblin' Boogie Man Although I don't play fair It's much more fun, I must confess When lives are on the line Not mine, of course, but yours, old boy Now that'd be just fine

Norma Bates: Mother Knows Best Reprise (Mother Gothel, Tangled)

Norma is soooooo so so so unbelievably manipulative towards Norman (And Dylan. It just works better on Norman) and this song absolutely presents that. She can go from sweet, loving mother to spiteful, heinous bitch in two seconds if Norman or Dylan don't do what or react the way she wants them to. 

Likes you? Please, Rapunzel, that's demented

This is why you never should have left! Dear, this whole romance that you've invented, Just proves you're too naive to be here Why would he like you? Come on now, really! Look at you, you think that he's impressed? Don't be a dummy Come with mummy

Pamela Voorhees: My Lullaby (Zira, The Lion King 2)

In a opposite approach to a villainous mother to Norma, we have Pam, who was heartbroken by the camp councillors letting her son die and vowed to get revenge. She didn't know she was teaching Jason to be the Crystal Lake killer like Zira did, but she did, and the whole song does have her kind of feel to it also. 

Sleep, my little Kovu Let your dreams take wing One day when you're big and strong You will be a kingI've been exiled, persecuted Left alone with no defense When I think of what that brute did I get a little tense But I dream a dream so pretty That I don't feel so depressed 'Cause it soothes my inner kitty And it helps me get some rest

Patrick Bateman: Cruella De Vil (Arthur, 101 Dalmations) 

Never before was there a song that described audiences reaction to watching Patrick living in his daily life and hearing his thoughts better then this one. 

Cruella De Vil Cruella De Vil If she doesn't scare you No evil thing will To see her is to Take a sudden chill Cruella, Cruella De Vil

The curl of her lips The ice in her stare All innocent children Had better beware She's like a spider waiting For the kill Look out for Cruella De Vil

Pennywise (Both): You’re Only Second Rate (Jafar, Return of Jafar)

Mostly for the video and Jafar’s energy in this scene actually XD So many transformations, so many tasteless puns! I was going to give this to Freddy but its the closest thing to Penny I could think of. 

Go ahead and zap me with the big surprise Snap me in a trap, cut me down to size I'll make a great escape It's just a piece of cake You're only second rate You know your hocus-pocus isn't tough enough And your mumbo-jumbo doesn't measure up Let me pontificate upon your sorry state You're only second rate

Sheriff Hoyt / Charlie Hewitt: Hellfire (Judge Claude Frollo, Hunchback of Notre Dame) 

A nasty filthy man who think’s he’s in the right despite being the biggest creep and monster ever? Mhm. 

*Note: I honestly didn't notice the deformed baby, Quasimodo/Thomas link until the day after I wrote this. Don't know how I feel about it. I mean, Hoyt is actually nice, in his way, to Thomas so the connection isn't totally there but onwards:

Beata Maria You know I am a righteous man Of my virtue I am justly proud

Beata Maria You know I'm so much purer than The common, vulgar, weak, licentious crowd 

End of Post! 🌼

(Bonus’ under the cut) 

I did think of other connections which I obviously didnt landed on but still have merit! Here! 

Billy Loomis and Stu Macher: ‘Gaston’ was considered, but that would have just been a joke XD I don’t think Stu is quite as obsessed with Billy as LeFou is with Gaston. 

Chucky: Friends on the Other Side. Obviously! That link was actually what inspired me to make this post. In The Dark of Night fits to a T though. 

Freddy Krueger: You’re Only Second Rate! Ah, its perfectttt. But No More Mr Nice Guy fits better. If I ever do a Slashers as Disney Villains post, he’ll be Jafar for sure. Or Hades. Or Scar. Or Oogie. Probably Hades. You know what? Without the gore and blood and explicit sexual references, Freddy could be a Disney Villain himself. Its not like Disney hasn't towed the line before with perverted villains. >_> (Jafar and Frollo) 

Jason and Pamela Voorhees: Mother Knows Best! Of course. 

Jennifer Check: Love is For Peasants (Barbie Island Princess) Because Jennifer thinks like this: 

Men? <<< Literally anything else. 

Patrick Bateman: How Can I Refuse? (From Barbie Princess and the Pauper) XD If Patrick were a kids movie villain, he would totally join the ranks of corrupted usurpers pretending to be trustworthy royal advisory staff. Also ‘Let It Die’, that little interruption part of another song that O’Hare sings in the Lorax and ‘How Bad Can I be?’. 

[wonderlustlucas]

jack pot ; part 3 - hwang hyunjin

⇢ prompt You know it’s bad when you’re high as a kite and he’s still on your mind. ⇢ pairing hwang hyunjin x female reader ⇢ word count 6.4k ⇢ genre fluff & angst (not heavy, just in a slow burn kind of way) ⇢ warnings (18+) drug use, a suggestive make out & the mention of a boner twice maybe ⇢ summary College is a matter of working hard and playing hard. It’s an opportunity to start fresh, to grow as an individual and to blossom with those you befriend. People come and people go, leaving their mark on your life and showing you all the parts of becoming an adult. Some, however, do more than leave their mark. Some take just as much as they give. Things become complicated once they take the entirety of your love because you outright offered it to them.—college!au ; stoner!au ; friends to lovers!au ⇢ a/n AAAAAAAA omg im so excited to post this, this by far is my fav part of jack pot & i cant wait to hear what u all think!!! sorry its a bit shorter than the other parts, & technically this is the *last* part, but there will be an epilogue where you will see how everything comes to be!!!! have fun reading!!! <3

⇠ part 2

five.

“Oh, fuck, he’s good,” Yeji gasps, shoving her phone into Maddie’s hands before faceplanting into the table.

“Are you H-T-T-P because I’m colon-slash-slash without you,” Maddie reads with a chuckle, thumbs hesitating over the keyboard. “Quick, YN, look up some pick-up lines.”

Closing the tab on the article you should be reading but has been long forgotten, you promptly do as you are told and open the first link from your search, Minho and Jisung leaning in to help. “There,” Jisung stops you, pointing to one, “’Are you a parking ticket? Because you have fine written all over you.’”

The table can’t help but burst into laughter at such a sentence. It’s stupid, but ever since Yeji and Kim Sunwoo began texting, their conversations have been full of tacky puns and emoji-filled compliments.

“Damn,” Maddie whistles, setting the phone back into Yeji’s limp hand, “he’s already typing back.”

“Gross,” Ryujin teases, busy typing away on her laptop. How she manages to multitask so well is a skill you certainly lack. “Why don’t you just like, I don’t know, ask him out?” Jisung asks and when you glance up, he’s looking at you. “Because that’s the guy’s job,” Maddie quickly saves the day, winking to you when you send her a grateful smile.

“Bullshit,” Jeongin scoffs. Everyone, even Ryujin, stops to look at him.

Did he just curse?

“I mean, like,” he stammers, cheeks turning rosy at all the attention, “it’s 2020. Guys have insecurities, too.”

“I agree,” Minho hums, looking to Maddie with hearts in his eyes, “that kind of confidence is enough to make any boy fall in love.”

“Yeah, but—”

Lia rebuts, but your attention quickly falls elsewhere when a text message first appears on your laptop, then your phone.

hwang hyunjin🦔🕺🏻💞🧻 [now] Where r u rn?

Unable to fight your smile, you quickly type back.

[3:39 PM] YN: outside hollin st café [3:39 PM] YN: why? :)

“Have you seen their new house, YN?” Minho asks, prompting you to click your phone off and set it back on the table. “Whose house?”

“Changbin’s parents.”

“Oh,” shaking your head, you distantly curse Chan for keeping your friend busy today. Unlike Jisung, Changbin likes to write lyrics and do whatever other music stuff during the day at a normal time instead of the middle of the fucking night while stoned and trying to finish his computer science assignments at the same time. “No, he forgot to send me pictures.”

“Dude,” Jisung sighs dreamily, “it’s huge. So nice. I think the front door alone could cover tuition.”

“Is it really that nice?” Maddie asks in awe.

“He started to show me pics the other day but couldn’t finish but the kitchen… unnecessary,” Ryujin quips, pausing her work to check her phone. “Yeah, it’s insane. The whole place is unnecessary but the kitchen is like, a house in itself,” Jeongin hums, head shaking in disbelief.

“Damn, now I really want to see it,” you sigh, making a mental note to hunt Changbin down so he can show you. “It’s like Hyunjin and his rings,” Minho snickers, “he has so many. Whenever we’re out, if he sees a ring, boom. It’s his.”

Well, he’s not wrong but… You bite your tongue no matter how badly you wish to defend Hyunjin and his affinity for rings and jewelry in general. The boy has taste, what can you say? You certainly are not complaining about Hyunjin’s long fingers and the way he chooses to decorate them.

“I never thought I’d hear Changbin’s parent’s kitchen be analogous to Hyunjin’s jewelry collection, yet here we are,” Maddie chuckles, leaning over Yeji to peek at her conversation with Sunwoo.

“Wow, speak of the devil,” Jisung pipes up of course as soon as you have reopened the tab to your assignment. Changbin or Hyunjin, you don’t know, head whipping up to find out and a peculiar mix of relief and panic settling over you once you spot the latter. “Uh oh, YN’s gonna go into cardiac arrest.”

As subtly as you can, you elbow Jisung in the stomach and smile at Hyunjin as he nears. “Hey,” keeping his eyes on you, Hyunjin approaches your table and stops behind Maddie opposite from you, “I’m sorry, I should have asked if you were busy.” His cheeks, already flushed, burn pinker once he looks away to smile weakly at everyone else.

“I’m not busy!” You squeak, scrambling to close your laptop and shove it in your bag. “Are you sure? I can come back later?” He offers, tilting his head and this is when you realize he is holding a bubble tea in each hand. And from the looks of it, one seems to be your usual order. “No, she’s not,” Jeongin answers for you, recognizing your stupefied expression.

“I was just – yeah. No,” rushing to stand and swing your legs out around the bench, you nearly fall flat on your face, “I wasn’t doing anything, actually.” Steadying yourself with a hand on Minho’s shoulder, you heave a labored breath before carefully walking to meet Hyunjin.

“Okay,” he beams, either oblivious to how flustered you are or simply choosing to ignore it. Turning to wave to your friends, he hands you one of the cups and you realize it is, in fact, your favorite boba. Oh boy. “See ya later,” you wave to them as well, nose wrinkling when both Jisung and Maddie wink in return.

Following after Hyunjin, you finally allow yourself to take notice of his attire and can’t help but feel confused. He looks good. And not in the good attractive way—he always looks good. But good as in formal. It’s four o’clock on a Tuesday in October and he’s out here looking as if he just got out of a business meeting. White button-down tucked into fitted black slacks, dress shoes, black tie, and he even has a black suit jacket draped over his arm. His hair is styled, too; ever since he dyed it back to black, he’s been growing it out long enough for his bangs to cover his eyes. Now, however, it’s parted down the middle and seems as if he’s ever so slightly curled it away from his face.

Suddenly, you feel ridiculous walking beside him in mom jeans and a baggy sweatshirt from high school.

“Thanks for the boba,” you mumble around your straw, brain still preoccupied trying to get over how utterly handsome he is. “Why do you look so fancy?”

The side of his mouth twitches up at your words, but his eyes stay glued to the sidewalk as you continue to your unknown destination. “I had an audition,” Hyunjin admits, voice devoid of emotion as if it’s not important at all. “An audition?” You echo. “Why do you sound so not super mega excited? How did it go? What was it for?”

“Well—”

“Wait!” You interrupt, stopping your walk once you realize he had an audition and you didn’t know. “You had an audition? What – why didn’t you tell me?”

Hyunjin frowns, avoiding your gaze and dragging his bottom teeth over his top lip. “I didn’t tell anyone,” he finally says before reaching for your hand and tugging you away from the walkway and into your campus’ main courtyard. “Why? Is it some sort of secret or something, Hyunjin?” You scoff, sounding way more annoyed than you intended. But you are annoyed; why didn’t he want to tell anyone?

“No,” he sighs, finding an empty area in the grass and lowering himself to sit, “I just… didn’t want anyone to know. Didn’t want to make it a big deal.”

“Hyunjin,” you sigh, visibly softening for him and settling down next to him, crisscrossing your legs, “it is a big deal. I don’t know what it’s for, but if it’s important enough for you to audition, then it’s important to us, too. You don’t need to be humble twenty-four-seven, you know. I’m sure you could have used our support.”

“I didn’t get it, though,” Hyunjin whispers, “they just – I didn’t get in. I wasn’t good enough.” Sensing the sadness in his voice, you find a lump forming in your throat when you notice the way his bottom lip trembles. “Hey,” panicking, you set your boba down and sit up on your knees to wrap your arms around him, cradling his head into your chest once tears start falling, “no. Don’t ever say you’re not good enough, Hyunjin.”

“But if I did better, practiced more, than I would—"

“Stop,” you hush, combing your fingers through his hair and brushing strands away from his eyes, “I’ve never met someone who works as hard as you do. You can’t beat yourself up over this. Everything happens for a reason. You don’t know what could have happened if you got in. You could have hurt yourself eventually, or maybe met someone who’s a real asshole.”

“Yeah,” is all he says, quiet and muffled when he turns to press his forehead into your sternum, body still trembling as he lets out all his tears. You stay like that for a while, holding him against you and soothing a hand up and down his back until his sniffling falls quiet. “Listen,” you finally sigh, grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him back. Your heart sinks once you take in the wet trails down his cheeks and the puffiness of his eyes. “Forget about it. Was it something for dance?”

When he nods subtly, you cup his face in your hands and swipe his cheeks with your thumbs. “You are an amazing dancer, Hyunjin. You can’t let this get to your head. And I don’t want you working your ass off more than you do already. Practice makes perfect, sure, but you need to rest. What about the idea Changbin came up with?”

“The YouTube thing?”

“Yes! Filming dance tutorials or just posting your routines is a really good idea,” you remind him, wiping your hands on your jeans once he falls back onto the grass with a gentle thud, hair flaying around him like a halo. Your limbs twitch with the urge to lie beside him, maybe throw an arm around him and rest your cheek on his chest, fingers tracing the soft features of his face, stroking through his hair and reminding him just how innately perfect he is, inside and out. You, of course, resist such a temptation, flopping down beside him and staring up at the clouds with a heavy heart.

“I could do that. Maybe,” Hyunjin huffs. Tilting your head to look at him, you find yourself knee-deep in that familiar longing feeling, pausing simply to appreciate how pretty he is in the evening sun, cheeks rosy from crying and hair begging to be touched. Shaking your head to rid such daydreams, you remind yourself how fragile his emotions are right now. Now is no time to get caught up on a fantasy. Reaching for your tea, you lean up on an elbow and redirect your gaze to the trees, the promise of winter having turned what was green burnt sienna and butterscotch, leaving trees barren and branches swaying gently in the crisp breeze that leaves you curling into yourself. “You should,” you hum, distant, mind clawing to come up with the words you want to say.

“Come here,” Hyunjin says now, voice stronger than before and when his hand wraps gently around your wrist, you can’t find it in yourself to resist. Allowing him to pull you back down beside him, you curl into his side, resting your head a safe distance away from his own and onto the curve of his arm. “Thank you for being so good to me,” he expresses. You squeeze your eyes shut when the arm you lie on wraps around your shoulders and pulls you substantially closer. “I need to tell you something.”

A long stretch of silence falls upon you and for a moment, you are unsure the words even left your mouth. What are you thinking?

“Wait! I have something first,” Hyunjin sighs, missing the way your breath hitches. “Okay,” you whisper, fiddling with one of the buttons on his shirt and focusing all your attention there.

“I just – I think… I owe you an apology,” he finally says, “I need to apologize for something that I did a while ago that I know probably hurt.” Your chest tightens. There’s a lot that has hurt you when it comes to Hyunjin, but none that he’s done purposely. None that are his fault. None that he should be apologizing for.

“I feel like we came to some mutual understanding to not mention what happened when we were freshmen, but it kills me to know that – that something happened, and we never talked about it,” Hyunjin starts, grip tightening on your shoulder and suddenly, you think you are dreaming. This cannot possibly be real. “I know it was awkward but, I also know me and Yiren dating was… ah. I don’t know.”

When he falls silent, you are unsure of what to say or do. You have no idea what the end goal of this conversation is. Hardly a minute ago, your heart and your brain decided it was time to tell him. Now, you’re not so sure you can do that until he finishes, and you are not about to give him your two cents if his reasoning for bringing it up is not the same as yours.

“I just want to apologize for not being brave enough to talk to you about it. I know I was confused, but I’m sure it was worse for you when they told you about her,” Hyunjin continues, sensing your rendered silence, “and it’s been so long since that happened, and now, you’re one of my closest friends.” Ouch.

“But I’ve been thinking,” when he picks up again, your eyes fly open in a panic. He’s been thinking. Hyunjinhas been thinking. You think you are going to pass out. “And I just feel like we… me and you, I mean—"

The standard iPhone alarm blares from beside you, promptly cutting him off and you think it is the biggest cockblock known to man. “Shit,” he hisses, leaning up to tug his phone from his pocket and in the process nudging you from your comfortable position. Sitting back up, nerves aflame and heart racing, your brows shoot up in confusion when all he does is stare at the number calling him. “What are you doing?”

“It’s the studio I was just at,” he scoffs in disbelief, barely glancing at you before looking back to his phone. You have never wanted to shrivel up and die as much as you want to right now. “Well? Aren’t you going to answer?”

Hyunjin makes a noise of acknowledgement before tapping the green icon and bringing the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

Sitting quietly beside him, you watch with a forced smile as his hummed responses and subtle nods morph into enthusiastic laughs and wide, beaming smiles. Hyunjin notices your confusion when you tilt your head, mouthing a ‘What?’ to him.

“They made a mistake,” he whispers, covering the speaker of his phone, “read off the wrong Hwang. I’m in.” When he grins excitedly at you, your response isn’t as cheerful as it could be. As it should be. “Yay!” You whisper, clapping gently but quickly turning to your boba when the other line begins speaking again. Looking away, you take a hefty sip, nearly choke on a tapioca ball, and build the walls around your heart up all over again in a matter of seconds.

“I’ve gotta go,” whispering, you manage one more pained smile before getting to your feet and wiping your butt of any possible grass stains, “good luck!” When he shines you one more breathtaking smile and waves excitedly, you hastily head in the other direction, wrapping your arms around yourself and swallowing past the lump that threatens to form the farther you walk.

It must be nice, you think, frantically wiping at your waterline. Must be nice to put yourself out there and have things work out the way you want them to. Must be nice being told you’re ‘in,’ you’re wanted, you’re desired.

It must be nice.

six.

Pick up food, you said. Ask Jisung, you said.

Your conscience is a big fat oompa loompa ass bitch. You would have never called Jisung to ask him if he wanted anything from Taco Bell if you knew he was with Changbin. And not just Changbin, you realized four minutes into your call; Seungmin and Hyunjin, too. Apparently he went over their place to record, or something, and didn’t care to let you know. Not that you’re his mom and he has too—but it would have been nice, and would have saved you from spending almost fifty dollars at Taco Bell.

“I tried calling Jisung but he didn’t answer,” you snap once Seungmin answers your call with a muffled hello. “Can one of you please come out and help me carry this in?” You glance at the five large sodas and two bags full of food in your passenger seat with a grimace. “Sure,” he agrees and you make a mental note for the umpteenth time just how much you love Seungmin, “I’ll be out in a sec.”

True to his word, you spot him making his way out of their apartment and across the small courtyard to meet you by your car not even a minute later, hauling each bag under his arms. “Thank you,” left only with the cupholder, you hurriedly lock your car and follow after him. “No problem. Thanks for being our Uber Eats,” then, pursing his lips, “how much was this?”

“Forty-seven something,” you grumble unhappily, knowing this was a big hit to your debit. “We’ll pay you back, don’t worry,” Seungmin smiles, leading you up the final flight of stairs and kicking open the ajar door.

Immediately, you’re hit with the smell.

“Dear, fucking hell,” making a face, you rub your nose to keep from sneezing, “it reeks in here. How have you guys not been kicked out yet?”

The stench of weed generally does not bother you anymore, but still—they could light a candle, or something. Seungmin shrugs, setting the bags down on the kitchen counter. “Luck, I guess.”

“IS THAT YN?” From another room, you hear Changbin shout, followed by an excited shriek from Jisung. “They’re high. Very high. You’ve been warned,” Seungmin whispers just as tweedle dee and tweedle dum themselves come flying around the corner. “YN!” Jisung grins, engulfing you in a dramatic hug. “Watch,” you hiss, regarding the blunt held between his fingers that comes dangerously close to your hair.

“Sorry,” he smiles, then, without warning, sticks the thing right between your lips. “I didn’t even offer.” Well, when life gives you lemons…

You hesitantly take the hit and blow the smoke away from him. You weren’t planning on getting high today, but here you are. “Thanks,” shaking your head as if that will clear it, you turn to Changbin and snugly wrap your arms around him. Every day you thank the heavens that he is a chill, calm high, unlike your maniac of a roommate.

“Thanks for the food,” fishing into his pockets and pulling out a crumpled ten-dollar bill, he slaps it into your palm. You only hum in reply, shoving it into your own pocket and praying you don’t lose it before you remember to put it in your wallet. “Where’s Hyunjin?” You ask, no longer caring about being slick.

“In his room,” Seungmin answers, rummaging through the bags to find what he ordered. Then, “HYUNJIN!” You jump, reaching for your soda and standing away from the other three until they have claimed whatever belongs to them. No sooner than Seungmin calls for him, you hear a door being cracked open and out comes Hyunjin.

He looks extremely disheveled. Like, just woke up from a two-month hibernation, disheveled. In the blink of an eye, however, he rakes a hand through long blonde hair and promptly sets a baseball cap backwards to keep the strands away and suddenly, he doesn’t look so disheveled anymore. You force yourself to look away, cursing the way your gut twists.

“Gimme my crunchwrap,” you say around your straw, snatching the blunt from Jisung’s fingers and moving around him to fetch your dinner. He doesn’t even protest.

He knows you need it more than he does.

“That’s a lot of food,” Hyunjin says once he has finally entered the kitchen, voice groggy and eyes puffy from sleep. Or from being high, you can’t tell. Pressing his chest to your back, he wraps one arm around you to keep you against him while the other reaches into a bag to take what’s his. Swallowing past the desert dryness of your throat, you manage a thick inhale from the blunt before tilting your head to look at him and mentally thanking the other three for taking it as their cue to head out.

“Not my fault you guys eat like animals,” you chuckle shakily, trying to ignore the firmness of his body against yours, veins prominent on the arm that holds you against him and the ripple of muscle along his abdomen noticeable even through his shirt and yours. Dear god, it is too early for this. Not even seven o’clock and you are already drooling in more places than one.

Hyunjin pouts as if it is not true. “How much do I owe you?” He asks, finally moving away to grab his drink and you can’t help your disappointment, quickly finishing the blunt before tapping it out into one of the many ashtrays. “Don’t worry about it,” you wave off, digging through their drawers for a paper plate.

“YN,” Hyunjin deadpans, regarding you with a raised brow once you come up and begin unwrapping your food. You refuse to look him in the eye. “What do I owe you?” He repeats, firmer this time and it sends a chill down your spine when it most certainly should not. Sighing, you retrieve the receipt from your pocket and count everything he got. “Thirteen.”

Humming in content, Hyunjin reaches for his wallet on the counter and pulls a ten and five out. “There,” he beams, tucking the bills into your pocket himself. Rolling your eyes, you pray he does not notice how you flush and hurry out of the kitchen to join Seungmin on the sofa.

“House Hunters?” You ask with a laugh, looking at the TV once you have settled next to him. “I told you HGTV is the best.”

Seungmin hums in agreement. “I thought it was stupid at first, but Hyunjin was watching Fixer Upper and I got addicted,” he says, nodding to the older boy doing a little dance in the kitchen as he eats one of his tacos. Your heart does somersaults at the sight. “They’re all so good,” you agree after taking a few bites of your own food, eyes trained on the television, “House Hunters is a classic, though.”

“I like the international one,” Hyunjin adds on his way over, crashing unceremoniously next to you. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice Seungmin wrinkle his nose when Hyunjin sets his free hand casually on your thigh. “Shh,” he grumbles, vaguely gesturing to the screen and chewing a mouthful of food, “I wanna hear what the house has.”

One episode turns to two, which turns to three, which turns to four, and suddenly you have been watching House Hunters with Seungmin and Hyunjin for almost three hours. It definitely is the weed, always making time perpetually slower, and it did not help when Jisung and Changbin reappeared sometime during your binge with one of Felix’s bongs. Not necessarily how you intended to spend your precious Friday night, but there is no sense in complaining when you are with your buddies and Hyunjin, of course.

Taco Bell long gone, you watch with blurry eyes when Hyunjin gets up from his slumped position against you to head into the kitchen and open the freezer. This, as well as the realization that House Hunters has ended and gone to some other, not-as-cool show, brings both you and Seungmin somewhat back to reality.

“It’s almost ten,” Seungmin announces, staring dazedly at the time on his phone. You hum in acknowledgment, certainly sober enough to reply but simply too lazy to. “I think I’m going to bed. Or play something. Don’t wreck the place,” he sighs, dragging a hand down his face before standing up. “G’night, Minnie,” you smile, watching with a furrowed brow as he continues down the hall and into his room. It isn’t until you hear his door click shut does the weight of being alone with Hyunjin settle on your chest.

It’s not like you haven’t spent time alone with Hyunjin before. In fact, that usually is the way it’s been in the past three years; whether the two of you decided to do your own thing or the rest of your friends eventually left or went to bed, you are used to this feeling. Used to ignoring the butterflies in your gut when he does something particularly cute and used to tampering down the mental images you conjure up knowing it’s just you and him.

But that doesn’t make things any easier. No matter how hard you try, you simply can’t help but feel this way around Hyunjin, especially when you’re alone. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

“Whatcha wanna watch?” Hyunjin asks around one last spoonful of ice cream before setting the pint back into the freezer. “Uhh…” You drone, blinking heavily at the TV and back to him as he makes his way back over. “I dunno, I’m sure you’ve been watching some drama. You can put that on.”

“You sure?” He asks with a raised brow, collapsing next to you and slumping dramatically halfway down the cushions. “Yes,” laughing, you find yourself reaching out to tuck messy strands of hair back behind his ear without hesitation, “also, why are you wearing a hat inside?”

Hyunjin pauses, straining to look up as if he will be able to see the back of his cap against his forehead. “I’m wearing a hat?”

“Yes, you idiot,” in comes the endless weed giggles and you find yourself unable to stop laughing, watching with teary eyes as he sits up and takes his hat off. “I don’t remember putting this on,” he chuckles airily, flipping the cap back and forth in his hands before tossing it onto the coffee table. “Should I cut it?”

“No!” You shout a little too quickly and a little too loudly. Shrinking against the arm of the couch, you ignore his amused smile and look to his long hair, freshly bleached strands falling down to his neck and shorter pieces brushing against his cheeks. Fuck, it should be illegal to look this good. “I like it long. It really suits you.”

“It’s annoying,” Hyunjin grins despite his complaint, lifting his legs onto the couch and flopping onto his side, head now resting on your lap. “I don’t know what to do with it.”

Now that he’s offered playing with his hair on a silver platter, you don’t hesitate combing your fingers through it, tugging out pieces stuck under his head and brushing it out completely. “You could pull the sides back,” you hum distantly, separating a section of hair near his temple to pull back, “or make a bun with what you can. You just have to play around with it.”

Humming in agreement, Hyunjin resituates himself after reaching for the remote and switching to Netflix. When you go back to simply raking your fingers from root to tip in irregular directions, you don’t miss the way his eyelids flutter at the motion and make sure to pay extra attention to his scalp. When this turned into a head massage, you’re not entirely sure.

The drama Hyunjin puts on is unbearable. You stopped paying attention a while ago, focusing more on him and how he seems to enjoy it, fingers busy braiding random sections of hair, taking them out, and then braiding them again. With two finally done the way you want them to, you are midway through the third when your fingers begin to cramp up.

“Why’d you stop?” Hyunjin asks seconds after you drop the braid and stretch your fingers out. “Fingers are cramping,” chuckling at the disappointed pout of his lips, you crack what knuckles you can before going back and undoing the unfinished braid. “Oh,” he mutters, cheek still pressed against your leg, “feels good.”

Humming in response, you ignore the way his words make your heart swell and begin gathering all his hair into a ponytail, pressing the braids to lay flat and finally tying it with a hair tie once you have combed up all that you can. Immediately, his bangs and hairs closer to the nape of his neck fall out, leaving the ponytail spikey and messy. At least the braids look good. You can’t help but giggle.

“What?” Hyunjin asks, pausing his show and leaning up. “What’d you do?”

“Go see for yourself,” pointing to the bathroom, you comb out a looped piece of hair before he stands to do just that. His ponytail bobs the entire walk there.

When he reaches the door and flips the light on, you watch from your position as he checks himself out, brushing away his bangs and flicking the pony. You frown when he accidentally yanks at a braid.

“Come here,” you say, sitting up, “you messed up the braid.”

“Honestly,” Hyunjin considers his reflection one last time before skipping his way over, “it doesn’t look half bad.” Expecting him to sit back next to you, your pulse quickens when he anchors a hand to the armrest and leans in front you, only inches away from your face. “No, definitely,” you say once you have gotten over the shock of him being so close so suddenly, “I like it in the ponytail. You’d really impress the girls if you braided your hair yourself.” Reaching up to tuck hair back into the braid and press it down flat once more, you don’t miss the way his brows draw together and lips twitch down. “What?”

Time ceases to exist as Hyunjin begins to come closer. In reality, you know it simply is a matter of seconds, but all of space and time seems to still once he leans forward. It feels as if an eternity goes by, allowing you to count each individual eyelash, memorize the details of his skin, take note of the smoothed lines on his plump lips. The way time slows is cruel; it allows panic to set in, the realization that he most certainly is looming over you with his eyes on your lips sending a spark of excitement and anxiety through your veins.

And then, just as this realization and this panic has set your nerves aflame, a gentle hand comes to cradle your jaw before Hyunjin’s lips press against yours.

It is so easy to surrender to the taste and touch of him. Instantly, an eruption of emotions and thoughts spiraling out of control fills you, yet your brain focuses only on Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin. This is not the first time you have kissed him, nor the first time simply having him so close, but the feeling that radiates from your heart outward is unlike anything you have felt before. This is uncalled for. This is not like two years ago. You were not expecting this.

Hyunjin sighs into the kiss when you lean up to loop your arms around his neck. No sooner have you done this, he breaks away to sit beside you once more, hands reaching for your waist and guiding you to sit over his lap.

You could kiss him all day, you think, palms lying flat by his collarbones before fisting the material of his shirt when his tongue prods at the seam of your lips. Blood seemingly coming to a boil and nerves sparking dangerously, you find yourself quickly sobering up as the minutes tick by, completely and utterly addicted to him and this feeling, this feeling you have craved but never crossed the line for. And now, it’s yours to keep.

Forgetting the braids, you seize the opportunity to rake your fingers through his hair. Different, than how you did earlier. Desperate. Combing it away from his face once, twice, swallowing his groans when you tug at the roots, you realize with a whine that his hands have left your face in favor of dragging down your sides, circling back to squeeze at your breasts, rubbing at your thighs and finally sliding back to your ass, situating you more comfortably on his thighs.

When Hyunjin finally breaks the kiss to journey elsewhere, littering chaste kisses across your jaw, below your ear, down your neck, the weight of your actions finally hits you. It is overwhelming, the way you come spiraling back to reality, and you are not sure if the quiet moan that leaves you is due to the press of something else against your thigh or simply the realization that you are making out with Hyunjin.

You have to stop before you get hurt again.

“Hyunjin,” you gasp, shuddering when his soft lips brush against your jaw, “wait. We need to talk.”

He pauses at this, fingers digging into your sides and you feel his frown against your neck. “What’s there to talk about?” He murmurs, arms sliding around you and tugging you closer, prompting you to wrap your arms around his neck and hug him close and pretend like his boner isn’t digging into you.

It’s your turn to frown. “About us,” whispering, you lift one hand to stroke through his hair, “we need to talk about us.”

“I thought my feelings were very clear,” Hyunjin scoffs, all tenderness in his voice gone. Instinctively, you lean back, blinking at him in surprise. “Unless this is just another one of your games? Does this not mean anything to you, YN? I don’t think I could stomach you running off to Changbin or fucking Chan again.”

His words pierce your heart before you have even fully processed them, hurt flashing across your features and your body goes numb. “What?” Is all you can manage, scrambling to get away from him, chest heaving and eyes suddenly burning with the brine of tears. “What are you talking about, Hyunjin?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about!” He shouts. You flinch, not from the way he raises his voice, but from the genuine sadness in his eyes. “The past three years have been a constant battle with you. We’re best friends, for fucks sake, I figured out a long time ago that you have feelings for me. Feelings more than best friends. Yet every fucking time we started moving in the right direction, you turned your back on me.”

You can do nothing but stand there and let the tears fall. All the words and bottled emotions you wish to say are right there on the tip of your tongue, but you simply cannot bring yourself to voice them. Not when he’s right. Not when you have turned your back on him time and time again.

And then, he hisses more to himself than you, “Is this just sloppy seconds? You never once thought about my feelings in all of this?”

The anger brewing within you suddenly bursts from the dam and hisses through your body like deadly poison. “Sloppy seconds?” You snarl, fists clenching. “Who the fuck do you think you are? Your feelings? You just said you know how I feel about you, so why didn’t you ever do anything about it? How was I supposed to know you felt the same?”

“I thought it was pretty fucking obvious,” Hyunjin spits back, gaze narrowing, “didn’t think I had to spell out the fact that I like you, YN. You’re a smart girl.”

“Do not treat me like a child,” clenching your jaw, you have to look away for a moment, pacing one, two, three steps, hands raking through your hair and wiping away the stream of tears from your cheeks. You have never been filled with such rage. Having finally reached its boiling point, it now consumes you whole, sweeping off in waves and destroying all boundaries. “Confessing is not an easy thing, as you apparentlyknow, so don’t make me seem like the only idiot here. But maybe I was wrong about you if you think of me as just sloppy seconds.”

“I never said that!” Hyunjin barks, standing up to grasp your wrist when you turn away to grab your keys. “Don’t put words in my mouth! I would never, never think of you that way. I just don’t understand why you never spoke up after all this time. I’ve been dying, YN, you have no clue how badly I have been—”

“Oh, believe me, I know,” you snap, yanking your arm away from him, “I told you, Hyunjin. Telling someone you love them isn’t as easy as learning to ride a bike. You’re right, I have turned my back on you. But not intentionally. I’ve been scared, I’m a pussy, whatever.” Biting your top lip as if it will stop the tears that continue to fall freely, you avoid looking at him and glance back to find not only Seungmin, but Jisung and Changbin, too, peeking out from their doors with eyes blown wide with shock. Once you have noticed them, however, they panic and scramble to get out of sight.

Sighing shakily, you look back to Hyunjin and cannot ignore the way your heart sinks at the sight of him. Even upset, he is beautiful. You wonder how much you will see him after this.

“You don’t have to tell me you like me back to make me feel better, Hyunjin,” bouncing on your heels, you suddenly feel exhausted, body and soul heavy with the words you not only spoke, but heard, too. “We can figure this out another day, but for now, I need to go home. I’ll see you.”

Turning away once more, you do not make it very close to the front door before he stops you once more. “Wait, YN,” Hyunjin huffs, smiling softly when he reaches for your hand and you do not pull away. Running his tongue over his lip, he seems to hesitate for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts.

“Did you mean it when you said you love me?”

⇢ epilogue

[pocfansmatter]

Okay I said before I was going to get more in depth with blood quantum eventually so now is as better time than any I guess. Mind you I'm speaking as a Native American meaning an Indigenous person from America. Specifically from 2 southern California tribes. I cannot speak for all Native or Indigenous people. I can only speak for myself, I can’t even speak for my tribe. However most Natives tend to have the same view when it comes to the blood quantum debate. From this point on blood quantum will be shortened to BQ & Native American to Native(s).

Originally this was gonna be a reply to another comment but decided to make it it's own post so I don't associate my blog with that anti Indigenous one. Please try to read the whole post before clicking the articles. I screenshotted the main parts to keep the discussion going. Feel free to click on all the articles because they are good & most of them are from Native run news websites.

I was gonna do this with a read more tag but my laptop doesn't want to work. I'm literally getting anyther one on Thanksgiving but my old one doesn't cooperate sorry so y'all are gonna get a long post. 😕

So let's start with the basics. What is blood quantum?

"Blood quantum laws or Indian blood laws are laws in the United States and the former Thirteen colonies that define Native American identity by percentages of ancestry. ... For instance, a person who has one parent who is a full-blood Native American and one who has no Native ancestry has a blood quantum of 1/2."

In case that was confusing if one person is "full blood native" they are considered 4/4. Meaning they have no relatives who are of any other race or ethnicity. If the "full blood native" has a child with a non Native person the child would have a BQ of 1/2 Native blood. If that child has a child with a non Native that child will be considered 1/4. This will continue to get lower & lower unless the child has a baby with another Native. Then the BQ raises or stays the same depending on the other parents BQ.

Now that the definition is out of the way lets get into the issue with this.

This is a good article that narrowed down an issue with Pharrell wearing a headdress. I wanna focus on one part of the article though.

"... deeply connected to their Native culture & live it every day."

"Having Native American ancestors doesn't get you off the hook if you don't bother to do the homework."

So I mentioned before that a lot of Natives don't consider BQ as a proper way of measuring your culture. Being Native isn't something you can pull out when it's convenient like for a photoshoot. Its every single day. It's in the words we speak, in the clothes we wear & in the food we cook. Same as any other culture.

Asian people don't wake up not Asian. Black people don't wake up not Black.

So why is do some people pull out the Native card when it is convenient? Like Pharrell did or Elizabeth Warren claims.

This article sums it up well but I wanna focus on the last 2 paragraphs.

Link to the full article:

There's similarities in both articles by 2 different Native authors from 2 different news websites.

They both speak about connections to our culture. A DNA test cannot measure ones Indigenous Ancestry because being Indigenous is much more than something in your blood.

I made a post asking some questions that might help understand if one is Indigenous or not. Now I'm not saying these are all the questions nor that I'm the expert on this. These are just STARTER questions to help people understand what it means to be Native.

Does the tribe you claim, claim you?

Have you been to the reservation?

Do you participate in the community?

Have you met your family from the tribe?

Do you know your history, traditions, anything about the tribe you claim?

The big one is are you claimed. You cannot claim a tribe that doesn't claim you. Now I'm not saying the entirety of the tribe has to know you personally. I'm not even saying you have to stand in front of the tribal council & ask them if they claim you. A claim can be made as little as just your family saying "this person is one of us".

The reason I bring this up is because multiple tribes have in the past & continue the practice of "adopting" a person into their tribe. There's many examples of this. Some can be adopted because they married into a tribe. Non Natives & Natives of other tribes alike have been adopted into tribes. There can be legal adoptions like adopting a child. And countless other examples.

A lot of the time biologically those members aren't apart of the tribe & cannot be enrolled but are still viewed as a member by the community.

For personal example, my sister has been adopted by my tribe. She's actually an enrolled member from another tribe & technically my cousin but was taking away by CPS & my family took her in. She grew up & still lives on my reservation. She is from another reservation. Although her tribe still claims her as a member my tribe also does. People in my community know her as a member of my family & have grown up with her. She knows many of our traditions & practices some ceremonies with us that are specific to my tribe. No one in our tribe has expressed any issue with this so far & even if they did they would have a stern talking to. We are even in the process of organizing her to be buried on our tribal land instead of hers. Her choice & we are okay with it.

Now I want to point out another way people can be considered Native even if they aren't enrolled or cannot answer those questions properly.

Let's look at something called "reconnecting Natives".

What is a reconnecting Native?

A reconnecting Native is someone of Native Ancestry who for whatever reason has been removed from their culture, family, reservation, etc so they do not know them & are actively trying to learn those things so they can reclaim their Native roots.

So, how does this happen? This is actually a very common issue in the community.

One of the main ways a Native might become disconnected is through the process of Residential Schools or Indian Boarding Schools. What is that? Here's a snippet of an article to help explain.

Of course here is the link:

The official motto of these schools was "kill the Indian, save the man” and if you think it sounds awful I promise you, it was much worse than you could imagine.

There's a movie on Netflix called Indian Horse which I have not watched yet but is based off a novel by an Indigenous author that looks at these Boarding Schools if you wish to check that out.

The goals of these schools were to strip Indigenous children of their culture. They were beaten, starved, punished of things as simple as speaking in their languages. A lot of them didn't even speak English. It was illegal to keep your kids from this school & often times tribal children went to these schools and never returned to their family. Natives who attended these schools or are children of children who attended these schools more often than not stop practicing their culture or forget it. In that way they become "disconnected".

Those members can if chosen too began the process of reconnecting.

I found this really good article going a little more in depth on the do's & don't's of reconnecting.

But here's a screenshot of important parts.

Granted this is a long process. Lifelong. Every journey to reconnect is difficult & very different from others. It depends on your tribe & community. Some of them make it easier & some make it harder. It's up to the individual to put in the work.

Now I don't want to make it like being a connected Native is easy. Yes it's easier but connected Natives also put in work to live their culture everyday.

Now what does this have to do with blood quantum? As you can see none of these articles about being Native or even a reconnecting Native mention blood quantum or DNA being a requirement.

If one is Japanese & someone asks "how are you Japanese?" What would the answer be?

"Because I just am. Because my parents are Japanese."

If someone is white & has kids those kids are white, correct?

So if it's so easy to explain for other cultures why does mine require math? Why are some of my family members not enrolled members despite having Native parents & growing up on the reservation? Why do my people have to actively think about the DNA results of our children if we choose to have them?

Because of BQ. Its a tool created by colonizers that are forced upon us. If we do not abide by the rules & requirements the government sets in place we run the very big risk of

Losing our status of a Native American tribe.

Losing our land & land rights.

Losing funding from the federal government.

Losing our housing.

Losing Healthcare.

Losing our basic citizenship rights.

The thing about BQ is it's designed so that we fail. If we fail to keep a certain amount of enrolled tribal members in a tribe then the government can break treaties & take away our land & things that are rightfully ours.

BQ is a lose/lose situation all around for us as well as extremely racist.

Because of the BQ requirements Natives actively worry about who they have children with. Some don't date outside of the their culture in fear of their children not being seen as legally Native. The problem here is a lot of the tribe is related. The issue of inbreeding increases. How do we solve that problem? Well we can have children with Natives of another tribe. But there's a problem here too. Most tribes do not allow what we call dual enrollment. Both of my tribes for example don't allow this. Which means one would have to pick which tribe to enroll their child. That means one of the tribes will lose out on a member. So that's another way identities are erased using BQ.

Okay I think I'm going to end this here. There is so much more I could've added. I also could've expanded on residential schools, what it means to be Indigenous, & reconnecting Natives but I wanted to keep it focused on BQ. If you have anymore questions feel free to ask or research on your own. We're still here. We aren't stuck in the 1800's. We weren't all killed by cowboys but the government is still actively trying to erase us.