#she ruined me and now i have go pick up the fucking pieces of myself that she shattered

[athenamikaelson]

Klaus Mikaelson x Soulmate!Reader x Elijah Mikaelson Pt. 22

Word Count- 12.8k

Warnings-swearing, violence, mentions of bad parents, alcoholism, Mikeal and his abuse, self-loathing

Soulmates. What the hell are soulmates? Well, obviously I know what the definition of a soulmate is but what the hell does it mean in the supernatural world? Neither of the two Salvatores that drove me home last night were very chatty about it. 

“Fables is what it is, Y/n.”

That is all Demon told me last night when he walked me to my front door. After I watched the two brothers drive off I stayed up for hours, actual hours, 5 to be exact, pacing my room waiting for Elijah to keep good to his word and come see me to explain what the hell happened tonight. But with the morning light streaming in my bedroom window, I realize that once again holding a man to his promise is never something I should do.

�� 

I stare blankly at the multiple unread text messages and missed calls from Elena. All morning she’s been trying to call me but right now I don’t have the energy to handle whatever she wants to talk about, especially since it’s probably something that everyone else knows and I’m the last one to find out, per usual. 

When I haven’t been staring at my phone, I’ve been staring up at my white ceiling, replaying the events of last night in my head over and over again. Last night when I was up waiting for Elijah I researched everything I could possibly find on soulmates. But the more I read the more I started to freak the fuck out so I had to stop that for my own sanity. Which is ironic because I honestly don’t think I have any sanity left in me to spare. 

“Damn, you look like shit,” Theo’s obnoxious voice comes from an open doorway.

“Leave, Gremlin,” I groan as I grab a pillow and hold it over my face.

“Nope, sorry,” I hear his voice and then the pillow is ripped away from me, “Your depression is stinking up the house and I don’t need it affecting me. So get your ass up. We’re going clubbing.”

I move nothing but my eyes as I look at my brother. 

“We live in Mystic Falls. Where the hell would we go clubbing?”

Theo thinks to himself for a moment before tapping his chin, “Alright. Good point. See this is why we work, you're the brains,” He points to me, “And I’m the beauty.” 

“Leave me to rot,” I groan and try to reach for the pillow and he swats my hand.

“Back, demon! Listen, get your ass up I’m hungry and I’m going to give you the honor of buying me lunch,” Theo declares like this is some great prize I’ve won.

“No thanks,” I grab my blanket and cover my face with it.

A moment later my blanket it being ripped off of me, “Y/n Y/m/n Y/l/n, I swear to the heavens above I will grab the garden hose and drench this entire room and yourself with it if you’re not in the car in 5 minutes,” Theo glares at me and then leans down and picks at a piece of my hair with disgust clear on his face, “Actually make that 10 minutes, you need to kick whatever family of rats is living in that mess you call hair.”

I go to complain but Theo shushes me, “I mean it! I’ll get the goddamn hose!”

I watch Theo dramatically stomp out of my room and I let out a sigh.

—

“I hate you,” I say to my brother as he holds open the door to The Grill for me.

Theo sends me a sweet smile, “No one could hate this face.”

I roll my eyes and begin to walk to an empty table when I notice Caroline and Elena sitting together at a table in front of us. 

Shit. 

I try to blend into the crowd but my obnoxious brother ruins that.

“Elena! Hey, Elena,” Theo’s voice booms throughout the restaurant and I instantly try to make myself as small as possible when I notice people turning to look at us. 

“Theo, stop,” I hit my brother in the stomach but he just grabs my hand and pulls me along.

We get to the girl's table in no time, thanks to Theo’s sprinting, and Elena instantly sits up in her seat when she sees me.

“Hey, Y/n,” Elena smiles softly at me and I nod my head at her and then send a smile to Caroline.

“I’m sorry about your Dad, Caroline. Damon told me this morning,” I say softly to her and she nods.

“Thanks, Y/n. And I was going to tell you myself but I just forgot,” Caroline reasons, and Stefan’s words from last night come barreling through my head. 

“Y/n?”

I shake my head clear and then try to pull a smile on my face, “Ya, totally. Don’t worry about it.”

“I’ve tried to call you,” Elena tries to get my attention and I don’t meet her eyes.

“Ya, I forgot to charge my phone last night,” I lie and she looks at me as if she’s not sure she believes me. 

“Oh, okay. Um,” She goes silent for a moment before gesturing to the table, “Would you guys like to join us? We’re talking about the Mikaelson’s throwing their weird ball. Their mother invited me personally because she wants to speak to me about something.”

At Elena’s words, I frown in confusion, “Who are you talking about? Who are the Mikaelsons?”

“Wait! A party?! There’s going to be a party,” Theo’s practically jumping in place as he looks wide-eyed at the two girls. 

Elena looks at me confused for a second before lowering her head, “The Originals. They’re the Mikaelsons. We got invites this morning to attend their ball tonight,” Elena frowns sadly, “Did you not get one?”

A tightness in my chest builds at her pitiful look and I am sent back to my childhood when I would be the only kid in class who never got an invite to any of the other kid’s birthday parties. 

“Naw, we haven’t got anything,” Theo chimes in for me and I feel and lower his hand to wrap his pinky around mine, “Yet. But like honestly even if we do get invites, which we will because anyone who doesn’t invite the Y/L/N siblings are losers, we probably won’t go,” Theo says and looks at his nails as if the conversation is now boring him.

Caroline raises an eyebrow, “Why not?’

I can see Theo look over to me and then back to Caroline, “We’re going clubbing.”

I release a deep sigh at my brother’s words. 

“You guys are going clubbing?”

Caroline and Elena share a look and then I can see Elena look up to me, “And you agreed to this?”

I look down at Elena and an annoying wave of embarrassment washes through me. Even though I know they’re not judging me right now there’s that back part in my brain telling me they know someone like me isn’t cool enough to do anything like that, which is why I agree. 

“Yup. It’s how we bond,” I say, nodding and glancing at my nails. Mimicking my brother who I can see from the corner of my eye, has a huge grin on his face.

“So, are you two going to this dance?” I try to act nonchalantly. 

Caroline shakes her head, “Hell no! It’s some twisted Cinderella fetish is what it is. And Klaus only invited me to piss off Tyler.”

Klaus. Invited her.

“Klaus?”

My voice comes out pathetic, weak, and strangled and I feel Theo squeeze his pinky against mine. 

“Ya, he sent me a dress and everything,” Caroline says dramatically as if she doesn’t notice my change in demeanor, “It’s totally weird. Also,” Caroline looks at Elena, “Why does the evil witch want an audience with you?”

“Evil witch?”

Theo and I say in union and Elena looks up at us, “That was who was in the last coffin. The mother that Klaus killed…actually not so dead.”

I blink at what she says and feel my breathing speed up.

Elena looks back at Caroline, “I have no idea. There’s only one way to find out.”

Caroline sighs, “I thought you told Damon and Stefan that you weren’t going.” 

Great so it seems everyone knows about this dance.

Elena nods, “I did, which is all the more reason why I need a drama-free bodyguard.”

“Well, I think a Salvaotre would look a lot better in a tux, and by that, I mean Stefan.”

“Fuck that asshole,” Theo snarls catching Caroline and Elena off guard. 

“Theo, language,” I warn lightly but honestly don’t care enough to chastise him much.

Theo shakes his head defiantly, “Hell no. Elena, you can’t be seriously thinking about getting back together with the man who threatened to kill you and your best friend?!”

Theo’s uncharacteristic outburst seems to startle both of the girls and Elena shakes her head, “No, of course not. I can’t deal with any of the Salvatores right now. Whatever Stefan’s feeling, he’s channeling it all against Klaus and Damon… it’s not a good idea.”

Theo nods his head seemingly accepting her answer but as I stare at him something in his eyes tells me he’s not 100% convinced. 

Caroline and Elena converse for another moment about Elena kissing Damon and I can’t help but feel like nothing more than a fly on the wall again, just like I did last year and every year before. 

“Hey,” Theo leans down to whisper in my ear, “You good?”

I don’t meet my brother’s eyes because if there’s anyone in this world who could point out my lies it’s him so all I do is nod.

“Careful Y/n, Caroline, and Theo. It’s all well and good until she stabs you in the back,” A feminine British accent has me lifting my head and the sight of Rebekah surprises me. 

“What are you doing here? I know your mom’s rules. No hurting the locals,” Elena accuses.

Rebekah glares down at Elena, “Get over yourself, Elena. It’s not all about you,” Rebekah tells her and begins to walk away but stops when she gets to me.

“Meet me outside in 5 minutes would you, luv? I want us to have a little chat,” Rebekah smiles at me and I for some reason find myself nodding. 

All four of us watch Rebekah walk off over to Matt. Rebekah pulls out an envelope from her purse and hands it to the blonde boy. 

“Even the busboy got an invite,” I can hear Theo practically snarl under his breath. 

“Oh my God,” Caroline gasped, “She’s inviting him to the ball. Why is she inviting him?”

“Probably to get this reaction from us,” Elena says and I fight the urge to roll my eyes.

“Or maybe she just wants a date,” I say under my breath and I hear Theo chuckle from beside me. 

Caroline huffs in sits back in her chair, “What time is this stupid dance?”

At Carolie’s words my heart plummets. I’m not entirely sure why. I mean who cares that she was invited by Klaus? Was gifted a dress by Klaus. Is going to dance with Klaus. I mean who cares right?!? Not me!

“We’re leaving,” I mutter to Theo grab his hand and begin pulling him.

“Wait,” I hear Elena call to me and I sigh, “You’re not actually going to talk with Rebekah, right?” I shrug my shoulders and stare at her annoyed, “Why wouldn’t I?”

Elena looks at me like I’ve grown two heads, “She’s evil, Y/n! You can’t trust her,” Elena tries to reason and I raise my eyebrows in disbelief. 

“Coming from the girl that quite literally stabbed her in the back.”

Elena blinks, shocked at my words. 

“Why are you acting like this?”

“I’m not acting like anything, Elena. I’m just relaying the information that has been told to me. Just like everything else that happens in this town,” I smile at her sarcastically and then turn around grabbing Theo’s hand. 

“We’re leaving.”

—-

“Damn, woman,” Theo says as I pull him out the door into the parking lot, “What’s got you in such a bad mood?”

I shake my head, “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I deny and Theo comes to stand in front of me with his arms crossed. 

“You can pull that denial shit with anyone else in this town, except me bitch. You and me, came from the same womb so that technically means we can read each other’s minds. So whatever you’re doing,” He raises his eyebrow, “This self-sabotaging thing or whatever it is, you need to let me in.”

I stare at my younger brother and feel tears rush to my eyes. Theo must see them because the stern look on his face quickly turns to fear.

“Oh shit, tears,” He quickly shakes his hands, “Please don’t cry! I don’t know how to handle tears,” He shakes his head, “Other than my own!”

“Is there something wrong with me?”

My question seems to catch my brother off guard as he frowns, “What? Like your fashion taste? Sister we’ve already established this.”

I shake my head and push away from him, “Never mind, God, just forget it.”

“Hey,” Theo pulls me back by my shoulders so I’m facing him, “I’m sorry, okay? You know I can’t do emotion without humor and sarcasm. But, why the hell would you ask me that? Did someone say something,” Theo’s concerned eyes turn to ones filled with anger, “Because if someone did I’m going to kill them.”

I just shrug my shoulders, “It doesn’t matter. I already know the answer.”

I begin to walk over to the car but Theo once again stops me, “Hold on for a second and talk to me! Why the hell would you ever think something is wrong with you?”

I look at my brother and clench my nails into my palm, “Because there has to be,” I almost cry out. Feeling the tsunami of emotions I’ve been holding in for the past few weeks rush forward, “There has to be a reason why people don’t choose me. Why my whole life I’ve always been on the outside looking in. Watching everyone live their lives happy and free while all I do is watch and hope that one day someone will notice me watching and ask me to join. I need there to be a reason because if there’s not then…”

Theo watches me with a heartbroken expression, “Then what, Y/n?”

I wipe a stray tear off my face, “Then there’s nothing I can change. And it means that it’s just me,” I point to myself defeated, “That I was just born this way. Born to watch everyone else be the main characters in my own life.”

I stare with blurred vision up at my brother who looks defeated as he shakes his head.

“Y/n, no one thinks that about you. And I promise everyone feels that way every once and a while it’s normal,” My brother’s soothing voice only frustrates me more.

I shake my hands, “You don’t get it, Theodore! Other people may feel this way every once and a while, but,” I shove my finger into my chest harshly, “I feel this way all of the time!”

“Y/n?”

I turn to see Rebekah staring at me confused, and I quickly wipe the tears off my face. Rebekah’s face drops as she watches me and she instantly rushes towards me.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt,” She asks me look a mother coddling her child. 

I shrug her away and nod my head feeling numb again, “Fine. Don’t worry about it,” I look at Theo grab the keys out of my pocket, and throw them to him, “Drive yourself home. I’m going for a walk.”

I turn around and can hear them calling after me but I don’t turn around. 

—

Why the fuck did I walk?

Why the fuck did I throw a goddamn temper tantrum. 

God, can I be normal for five fucking seconds!??

These thoughts run through my head over and over again until I realize I’ve made it to the Salvatore house. Which is still about a 15-minute drive, or a one-hundred-hour walk to my house. Fuck me. 

I’m about to continue walking when a flash of red catches my eye. 

I eye the car that Stefan tried to kill me in for a moment and then shake my head, “No, I couldn’t.”

I take another few steps and then feel a cramp in my thigh. 

“Fuck it.”

—

I speed into my driveway and a laugh escapes my mouth.

I just stole a car. I JUST STOLE A FUCKING CAR.

I laugh to myself like a crazy person as I shift it into park and get out of it. I stand there admiring the stolen vehicle until I hear footsteps behind me.

“I see you’ve acquired a new vehicle,” Elijah smiles at me kindly and I fight the urge to punch him.

“I stole it,” I bite and walk past the Original and up my porch.

“Stole it?”

“Yup, stealing is when you take something that isn’t yours. Pick up a dictionary,” I snarl as I try to put my key into the lock but with my shaking hands I just keep missing.

Elijah is quiet for a moment before I feel him next to me, “Here,” He extends his hand, “Let me.”

I shake my head and keep trying, “Screw off.”

“Excuse me,” Elijah’s tone comes off as somewhat surprised and a little irritated. 

“Telling someone to screw off means they don’t want you around,” I mimic my tone from before and I hear Elijah sigh.

“You’re upset with me because of last night,” He says out loud as if it’s some fucking revelation. 

I finally get the key into the lock, unlock the door, and then open it. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I step inside and try to slam the door in his perfect face but it gets stopped by his perfectly polished designer shoe. 

“Elskan,” Elijah nudges the door open against my weight and I glare daggers at him.

“Stop calling me that,” I bite and he furrows his eyebrows. 

“Please, let me explain,” He tries to reason with me and I shake my head.

“There’s nothing to explain. If you think last night is the first time I’ve ever been let down by a man, you are horribly mistaken. Now leave me alone.”

Elijah's free hand doesn’t move from the door and I realize he’s holding a big white box with his other hand.

“I understand you’re mad at me. You have every right to be. I hate breaking my word, most importantly when it comes to you. I just hope you’ll listen to me now when I tell you how sorry I am,” He says earnestly and I glare at him.

“You’re sorry?”

Elijah nods, “I never intended to stand you up last night but there were…complications.”

I blink at him unimpressed, “Ya, you’re dead mother isn’t dead. Whoopty fucking doo.”

Elijah’s posture stiffens for a moment, “You know?”

“I’m the last one to find out it seems, but ya I do. So I’m sure mommy dearest wants you home for your little ball or whatever so why don’t you get off my porch and go home, Elijah Mikaelson,” I snarl his last name at him and he frowns.

“I understand you need some time to think,” Elijah nods his head and brings the white box up, and gestures for me to take it, “I’ll be at my family's ball tonight. I would be incredibly grateful if you would join me?”

I blink at his question and try to fight back any emotions other than anger. Elijah nods when he realizes he’s not going to get an answer right now and then places the box on the porch swing next to us.

“I hope to see you tonight,” Elijah gives me one last look before walking off the porch.

You won’t. 

—

He will. 

FUCKING THEODORE.

“I fucking hate you,” I glare at my little brother as I put on the stupid diamond necklace Elijah gifted me. 

Theo, who stands next to me in front of my mirror smirks, “You’ll thank me later.”

I shake my head as I struggle to latch the necklace, “Hell to the no.”

Theo tightens his tie and then rolls his eyes, “Whatever,” He shoots me a look and then laughs, “Here let me help you.”

I glare at him but still let him take the necklace and latch it behind my neck.

After he latches it Theo’s eyes stay on the huge diamond necklace that adorns my neck. 

“How much do you think that cost?”

I look at the huge statement diamond that hangs in the center of a dozen tinier diamonds holding the necklace together. I feel the weight of the diamonds, against my chest and cringe.

“Too much,” I look at the huge off-white gown that is encrusted with lace and crystals that I’m wearing and pinch the bridge of my nose, “This is all too much.”

Theo smirks and straightens out his black suit jacket, “Elijah may be a scary old vampire, but you got to give him some props,” He gestures to my dress, “The guys got great taste. And expensive too,” He points to the matching diamond bracelet on my left wrist, “After today you can pawn the necklace and bracelet, make bank, and then you and I hit Vegas.”

I turn and glare at my brother who smirks at me, “Not happening. We’re going to this stupid dance and then tomorrow morning I’m returning all of this crap and never talking to any of the Mikaelsons again.”

I watch Theo nod slowly and raise an eyebrow, “Rrrrrighttttt. Sure, okay. Um, how exactly do you plan on doing that? Also, I thought you and Rebekah were friends?”

I sit down on my bed and strap on the nude heels that were also in the huge white box that carried everything Elijah gave me.

“I’ll,” I stop and blow out a breath, “I’m going to….”

Theo snorts and nods, “Ya, you do that, nerd.”

With a huff, I stand up and take a step to grab my shawl but I let out a squeal when I trip over myself and bump into Theo.

Theo grabs my shoulders and pushes me upright and then dusts off his jacket, “Dude, walk much?”

I roll my eyes and throw my shawl over my shoulders, “I don’t wear heels!”

Theo purses his lips, “Cleary, hoe.”

I shoot him a glare, “Tell me why I’m letting you drag me to this again?”

Theo instantly smiles brightly at me and throws his arms over my shoulder pushing me down the hall, “Because you got personally invited by one of the hosts, and it would be rude to not go.”

I turn my head and shoot him a look and he smirks.

“Ok, maybe I don’t really care about him. But, come on! It’s a party and if we don’t go people will talk about how we were the only ones in town not invited!”

I shake my head as Theo opens the front door, “But we were invited?”

“Technically, you were invited. My invite must’ve gotten lost in transit,” He says confidently to himself, “And also people won’t know we were invited unless we go. And we need a night out. Too much shit has happened and we need fun.”

I go to argue but Theo shushes me.

“Nope. No complaining,” Theo then looks down at Stefan’s red car that is still sitting in our driveway, “Also, where the fuck did that come from?”

I cringe and close my eyes, “I kind of…stole it away from Stefan.”

I open my eyes and cringe as I look at my brother’s mad face.

“Are you serious?!”

I cringe at his yelling, “I’m sorry, okay? I was worked up and mad at the dick so I-”

“Bitch! I’m not mad at you for stealing the damn thing,” He gestures wildly at the car, “I’m mad that you stole a fucking car without ME!”

I blink and then shake my head, “I’m sorry. Next time I steal a motor vehicle, I’ll alert you first. Alright?”

Theo wipes a non-existent tear off his cheek and then nods, “Fine. But I get to drive there.”

I shake my head, “Hell to the no.”

“Oh, so you’re going to drive in those,” Theo asks and points to the heels I’m wearing and I frown.

“Fine. But, if you hit anything it’s on you.”

—

Theo hit 3 mailboxes. Ran a red light. The car no longer has a front fender. 

“Well,” Theo opens my car door for me and I step out shaking, “That was…fun.”

My eye twitches as I look at my brother furiously and outstretch my shaking hand. Theo doesn’t say anything but nods his head in defeat, placing the car keys in my palm. 

“Never again,” I growl.

“Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad,” I whip around to the car that now has no fender, a broken headlight, multiple dents, and an uncountable amount of scrapes, “Okay, ya. Never mind that one is on me.”

I close my eyes, take a deep breath in and out, and feel Theo grab my arm.

“But at least we look good as fuck. Our parent’s gene pools do it again,” Theo says happily and then stops and cringes, “Sorry.”

I shake my head, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You know… the fact that we don’t have the same father so your gene pool isn’t his gene pool,” Theo explains and I have to take another deep breath.

“Sarcasm, Theodore. I was being sarcastic.”

“Ohhhhh,” Theo nods and guides me up a huge staircase to the massive mansion that is covered in lights and beautiful decorations. 

We stop as we wait behind three rows of couples and I feel my hand start to shake.

“Hey, it’s all cool,” Theo smiles down at me and I wish for even a second I could believe him. 

“Next!”

Theo and I walk up to the security guard and he holds out his hand, “Invite?”

I look over to Theo expectantly and he does the same to me, “Please don’t tell me you left it at home?”

Theo shakes his head, “Bitch, it was your invite?!”

“But you’re the one that wanted to come!”

“Listen,” The guard catches our attention, “If neither of you have an invite I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” He says and points to the parking lot.

“Sir, my sister was personally invited by the Elijah Mikaelson,” Theo states and the guard rolls his eyes. 

“Ya, I’m sure she was,” He says sarcastically, “Now leave or I’ll have you escorted off the property.”

“That won’t be necessary,” A British voice says and I look up to see the light-brown-haired younger brother of Klaus and Elijah. Kol.

Theo shoots me a look, “Please tell me you didn’t bag, another one!”

I glare back at him, “Shut up!”

“They’re with me,” Kol tells the guard and reaches out an arm for me to take. 

I stare at him cautiously for a moment before I hear people behind me start to express their annoyance. 

With my free hand, I grab Kol’s right arm, while still holding on to Theo with my right arm. 

Kol smirks down at me as he leads Theo and me into a huge ballroom, brightly lit with candles and twinkling lights, “My family can be quite dramatic with these things,” I look up at him and try to not notice how attractive yet another Mikaelson sibling is, “But, with our whole family back together again, our mother thinks it calls for a celebration.”

“How rich are you guys,” Theo asks bluntly and I jab my elbow into his stomach.

Kol smirks at him, “Very rich.”

I hear Theo mutter something about rich bitches under his breath and I try to not laugh. 

“Thank you for helping us get in,” I say quietly to Kol and he shrugs.

“No worries. I thought I’d get to you first before the wolves descend,” He says nonchalantly but I can feel myself shake again at his words.

Kol must notice this because his eyebrows furrow, “Why are you doing that?”

I shake my head, “Doing what?”

Kol raises an eyebrow, “You’re shaking and your heartbeat is incredibly loud,” He says as if the noise annoys him.

“She has anxiety dickhead,” Theo bites at the vampire and I thrash my head over to my brother. 

“Theo! Don’t be a dick!”

Theo shrugs and eyes Kol, “He’s the one making you feel bad for something you can’t control. How are you a thousand years old and not know what anxiety looks like?”

I cringe in pain when I feel Kol’s grip tighten on my arm.

“Theo,” I pinch my brother’s arm, “Please go get us some drinks, non-alcoholic.”

Theo glares back at me like I’m crazy and quickly shakes his head, “No, I’m not leaving you alone. Definitely not with him,” He points at Kol and I inhale a quick breath.

I turn to look at Kol, who is looking at Theo as if he wants to rip him in two.

“Theo,” I bite harshly, “Go. Now.”

Theo’s expression drops as he turns his attention back towards me. He must noticed the nervous look on my face because he lets out a sigh and nods his head.

“Ok,” He looks at Kol once more, “I’ll be right back.”

I watch with bated breath as Theo walks away and disappears into the crowd.

“Friend of yours?”

Kol’s tense voice makes me tense. 

I turn and look at him and see the dark gleam in his eyes.

“My little brother,” I say equally as tense, “Try anything and I’ll steal one of those fancy daggers from your asshole brother and stab you myself.’’

Kol and I watch each other for a moment before he slits his eyes and hums, “If you were anyone else I’d rip your ribs out and stab you with them…but since I don’t want Nik or Elijah daggering me again and locking me away for another one hundred years,” He looks down at me and smirks, “You don’t have to worry about you coming to any harm from me.”

I stare at Kol with wide eyes and rip my arm out of his hold and he raises an eyebrow and smirks at my movement. 

“I notice you didn’t mention my brother in that,” I turn to stand and glare at him, “I may not be able to stab you myself but trust me when I say this, for some reason, Klaus and Elijah don’t like it when I’m upset and people who make me upset,” I pause and think back to Klaus threatening Stefan, “and someone harming my brother would really make me upset.”

Kol stares back at me and after a moment he nods, “If you keep this attitude up, you’ll fit in just fine with my family.”

I furrow my eyebrows, “I want nothing to do with your family.”

Kol smirks as if what I just said was the funniest thing he just heard, “Oh Darling, you don’t have any choice in the matter anymore. Fate’s already picked you.”

I shake my head confused, “What the hell is everyone talking about?! What the hell does fate have to do with anything and what the hell is a fucking soulmate?”

Kol’s eyes widen slightly, “Women never swore as much as you do before I was daggered.”

I glare at him and he laughs, “My brothers say I’m not allowed to tell you anything,” He pauses and shrugs, “Actually they said I’m not allowed to even approach you.”

I look at him and groan in frustration. 

“But when have I ever listened to what my brothers say,” I look up and find Kol smirking devilishly at me, “What do you want to know, Darling.”

I feel a weight lift off my shoulders at the idea of finally getting answers.

“What is a soulmate?”

Kol nods to a waiter passing by and grabs two glasses of champagne, he gestures for me to take one but I shake my head and he shrugs. Then he downs both of them.

“Let me give you the shortened version because I’m sure my brothers have already smelt you when you entered the house, so I’m sure they’ll be finding you soon,” Kol makes a show of looking around the room and then back to me, “Soulmates mean different things in different cultures…but, in your case soulmates mean someone who is bound to you forever. Someone who is a part of you, someone who is you.”

I shake my head not understanding what the hell he’s talking about. 

“There’s not much understanding behind what this means in the supernatural world. There’s been much speculation, but what I do know is that when we were turned, our souls were ripped out. That human part of us was taken away…but it had to go somewhere.”

I shake my head and laugh in denial, “So what, you’re saying that I have Klaus’ and Elijah’s souls in me?”

Kol sighs and taps his chin in thought, “Ya. Pretty much.”

I let out a laugh at his joke.

“That’s really funny. It's good to know you didn’t lose your humor while in your coffin,” I smirk.

My smirk starts to slowly fall though as Kol doesn’t laugh with me. 

No fucking way. 

“You’re not joking are you?”

Kol’s smirk drops, “I honestly wish I was, Darling. I wouldn’t wish that fate on my worst enemy.”

“Elskan?”

Of course.

At the sound of Elijah’s voice, I let out a sigh and turned to see Elijah pushing through a few guests to walk over to Kol and me. 

“Oh, fuck me,” I say under my breath and I hear Kol giggle.

“Don’t say that too loud, or my brother will take that as a request,” Kol gests and I stare wide-eyed at him which makes him laugh again. 

“I wasn’t sure if you would come,” Elijah says as he comes to stand in front of Kol and me. 

“I didn’t want to,” I say.

Kol laughs again and I see Elijah turn his attention to his younger brother, “Brother, it appears you’ve met the lovely Y/n Y/l/N.”

Kol throws a hand over my shoulder making me jump and cringe at the feeling of a stranger's touch, “Yes, we’re practically thick as thieves already.”

Elijah’s eyes darken and narrow as he looks at Kol’s hand that rests on my shoulder, “So it appears.”

I bite my lip as I wait for Elijah and Kol to be done with their glaring at one another. Or more like, Elijah glaring at Kol and the latter smirking. 

“Well,” I say interrupting them, “You two have fun…I’m going to go…anywhere else,” I turn to Kol who turns to me, “I would say it was nice to meet you Kol, but you are kind of weird.”

“Right back at you, Darling,” Kol says and smirks at me.

I don’t spare either man another glance as I try to push through the crowd away from them. 

“Y/n,” Elijah’s voice calls from behind me and I roll my eyes, “Please wait a moment.”

With a sigh, I stop and wait a moment for Elijah. It doesn’t take him but a moment to stand in front of me. 

“What?”

Elijah’s dark look is long gone and replaced with a smile, “You look positively breathtaking.”

I look away from him and nod, “Thanks. I mean you’re the one who picked out the dress so.”

“The dress, although beautiful, has nothing to do with the radiance that is you,” Elijah says as his eyes scour my face. 

I look at him and finally get to focus on just how attractive he looks right now. Y/n he always looks good. Shut up. He’s switched out his usual suit for a black tux that hugs his chest perfectly. His dark hair is styled expertly letting his beautiful face to be put on display.

“You don’t look horrible,” I shrug, “I guess.”

Elijah’s upper lip twitches and he nods, “Thank you, I think.”

Elijah and I stand staring at each other for a moment before he clears his throat.

“I’m glad you accepted my invitation to be my date,” Elijah smiles and uck in a breath.

“Sadly for you, my man,” I hear Theo’s voice come up from behind me, “She’s actually my date.”

I let out a sigh as I feel Theo wrap his arm around my arm and tug me towards him. 

I watch Elijah’s eyes narrow for a moment before he gives Theo a strained smile, “And you are?”

Theo smirks and puffs out his chest, “Theo Y/L/N. Pleasure,” He eyes Elijah, “I’m sure.”

I see the wheels turning in Elijah’s head and his shoulders seem to untense. 

“You’re Y/n’s younger brother. Am I correct?”

At Elijah’s question, Theo nods his head, “The one and only. And let me guess,” He puts his free hand on his hip, “You’re the man who showed up on my doorstep this morning begging my sister to not kick him to the curb. Am I correct?”

I stare wide-eyed at Theo in disbelief, and then back to Elijah.

The Original stares at my brother for a moment and I wait for the backlash.

“That would be me, Theodore,” Elijah smiles, and I raise an eyebrow, “But, I‘m not so sure what your sister has decided to do with me. At least not yet.”

Theo whips around to me, “Well? What are you going to do with him?”

My eyes widen and I switch my attention from Theo to Elijah, who also looks expectant on an answer. 

“Um,” I look between the two men and freeze. 

Thankfully, someone entering through the door pulls our attention. 

Not someone. Caroline. 

Caroline is wearing a light blue gown that makes her look just like Cinderella and beautiful as always. 

“Um, I’m going to go see Caroline,” I turn away from the two men and quickly begin to walk towards my blonde friend. For a moment I think she sees me as her eyes focus on something, but when I follow her gaze behind me I see her staring at…Klaus. 

Oh. 

Klaus, who looks absolutely earth-shattering, turns his attention from Caroline towards me and I feel my heart drop. The enlightened look on his face, the look he had when looking at Caroline, drops when he sees me. The blank look on his face makes a burning start in the back of my eyes and I quickly divert them from him.

With Elijah behind me and Klaus to my right, I quickly book it to my left, through a doorway, and run down a hall. 

I run until I meet a dark brown door and I throw it open and go inside. As soon as I close the door I lean my head against it, close my eyes, and take a deep breath. 

“You’re not supposed to be in here,” A British voice says.

“Fucking Brits,” I groan out and turn around.

The other Mikaelson sibling, Finn I believe, stands before me. His once long hair is cut shorter and he’s wearing a suit that matches his brothers. 

“You’re Finn,” I say and he narrows his eyes at me.

“Yes and you’re the soulmate,” He says annoyed.

I eye him and he eyes me.

 What the hell is up with the Mikaelson siblings and glaring? 

“Is this your room?”

Finn eyes me for another moment before nodding, “Yes.”

I nod and then wring my shaking hands together, “I’m sorry for barging in. I just… I couldn’t be out there. Around so many people.”

He doesn’t say anything and I nod, “I’ll leave. I’m sorry.”

I turn around and grab the handle.

“Wait,” Finn’s voice calls to me and I turn around, “You can stay. Just don’t touch anything.”

I look at Finn and then nod, “I won’t. Thank you.”

I slowly walk towards a couch and sit down careful not to rip my dress. I look up to Finn, who is standing in the corner of the room looking more awkward than I feel.

“Do you want to sit with me,” I ask gesturing to the other couch across from me. 

Finn looks up at me suspiciously and then shakes his head, “I shouldn’t. Mother wants me out with the others,” Finn says and then walks towards the door. 

“I’m sorry,” I say to him before he can open it. 

I see him stop, “You already apologized.”

I shake my head, “Not about barging in…About what your siblings did to you.”

I see Finn’s shoulders instantly tense up and he turns around with a glare on his face, “You have no idea what my siblings did to me.”

I reposition uncomfortably and then shrug, “I know that they left you in a coffin for almost your entire life or at least that’s what I’ve heard. I’ve never been daggered by one of my family members but…I recently was betrayed by some of my family,” I open and then close my mouth thinking of what to say, “So I just…I guess I know what it’s like to feel betrayed.”

Finn’s eyes drop and he looks away from me. I take a deep breath and then turn back to look at my hands. I wait for Finn to either leave or kill me for speaking out of turn. What I didn’t expect though was for him to walk over to the other couch and place himself on it with a sigh.

We sit in silence for a moment before he sighs again, “I don’t blame you for not wanting to be out there,” He looks behind me towards the door, “It’s too loud.”

I nod and then realize just how much worse it probably is for him than me. 

“This must be a lot for you,” I say and play with the diamond bracelet I’m wearing,

“Being away from civilization for so long, and now you have to get used to everything. I wouldn’t want to attend a party either.’’

Finn looks up at me and his face contorts into one of confusion, “You’re peculiar.”

I let out a low laugh, “Trust me, I know. Pretty much everyone does,” I say and take a sigh. 

Finn eyes me oddly for a moment, “What do you mean?”

I shrug, “I’m not a very popular person. At all. For some reason, people don’t like to be around me much. Not even my family it seems.”

I feel my face warm up at the embarrassment I feel for spilling all that to a stranger.

“You’re not the only one that feels that way,” Finn says breaking me out of my embarrassment. 

I look up to Finn and for a moment it’s like looking in a mirror. The sad look in his eyes is one I’ve seen one too many times when looking in my own mirror. 

“You’re not what I was expecting,” Finn says as he leans back onto the couch. 

I frown, “What do you mean?”

Finn eyes me, “You’re my brother’s soulmate. They’re both cruel and monstrous…yet you’re, peculiar.” 

I shake my head, “What does that have to do with Elijah or Klaus?” Finn nods his head, “They said you don’t know anything about your soul bond,” He says to himself, “With souls being connected, the soulmates usually share personality qualities…yet you don’t seem monstrous like either one of my brothers.”

At his continuing insult to Klaus and Elijah, tension builds in my shoulders, “Then you haven’t seen me in the morning,” I joke but Finn doesn’t seem to get it. Or doesn’t find it funny, “Klaus and Elijah don’t seem that horrible. I mean ya they do bad things but, if anyone were alive for one thousand years then I’m sure they would also pile up their own bad deeds.”

Finn seems to be annoyed by my answer as he huffs and goes to stand up.

“Do you have a soulmate?”

Finn stops moving in his tracks and instantly looks at me, “Why are you asking?”

I shrug my shoulders, “I don’t know…Just wondering.”

Finn seems like he’s not going to say anything, but at least he sits back down.  

“I think once I did,” Finn’s voice comes out so quietly I have to lean forward to hear him.

“Before you were daggered?” Finn doesn’t meet my eyes but he nods, “Sage. Her name was Sage.”

I frown at his saddened voice, “You loved her?”

I sad smile forms on Finn’s face, “I did,” He pauses, “I do.”

I feel my heart breaking for the man before me.

“Was she human?”

Finn frowns, “She was. Until she had me turn her so we could be together,” He pauses and takes a shaky breath, “I was daggered shortly after.”

“And what happened to her?”

Finn’s jaw tightens, “Well, it was over 900 years ago…I’m sure she’s…”

I nod, sadly, “Right.”

We sit in solemn silence for a moment before an idea comes to me, “How are you so sure,” Finn looks up at me confused, “That she’s dead.”

Finn shakes his head, “She has to be.”

I shake my head as well, “Finn, it was 900 years ago. She would be incredibly strong, one of the strongest vampires to date. I would be surprised if she wasn’t alive and if she truly loved you, I think she would’ve waited for you.”

Finn looks at me and I can see the wheels turning in his head but he still shakes his head, “It’s not possible.”

I laugh, “Dude, werewolves, vampires, and witches exist. Nothing is short of impossible here.”

Finn stops shaking his head, “Even if she was…there’s no way I could find her.”

I stay quiet for a moment until an idea comes to my mind, “I have a friend. She’s a witch, a really good witch. Maybe…I could ask her and we could find her. All three of us.”

Finn stares at me for a long moment. 

“Why would you do that? Why would you do that, for me?”

I give Finn a soft smile, “I’m kind of peculiar.”

Finn’s solemn face changes for the first time since I’ve seen him. His sorrowful eyes look almost…hopeful now.

“I’d appreciate that. Greatly.”

Finn and I smile at one another until the door opening makes me jump.

“Finn,” A feminine voice says and I turn and see a blond older woman.

“Mother,” Finn instantly jumps up.

“Mother?!”

I jump up shocked and stare at the older woman who eyes me, kind of nastily. 

“What is going on here,” She asks Finn suspiciously and he pauses. 

“Um, Mrs. Mikaelson,” I say and she goes back to eyeing me, “Hey, Y/n,” I point to myself, “Finn and I were just discussing new-age technology. I heard he’s new to this era so I thought me and I could chat about it.”

I turn to Finn, “This was a good chat. Let’s meet…tomorrow. We can discuss how to send text messages.”

Finn eyes me oddly like he doesn’t know what the hell I’m talking about, but he still nods. 

“Great! Well,” I turn back to his mother, “Pleasure to meet you…I guess. I’ll be leaving now. Bye, Finn!”

I quickly speed-walk past both of them and exit the room. I close the door and take a deep breath. 

“Y/n?”

“Oh come on!”

I turn around to see Rebekah walking towards me. Just like all other Mikeaslons, she looks absolutely gorgeous. The green dress she’s wearing matches perfectly with her blonde long hair. 

“Are you alright?”

I nod and start to walk by her back to the party, “Peachy. Just happened to run into your mother. Tense lady.”

Rebekah walks up next to me and smiles, “Yes, my mother is an acquired taste. Don’t let her get to you though, you’re a part of this family.”

I shake my head viscously, “No I am not.”

“Yes you are,” She says as we enter the ballroom. An incredibly crowded ballroom. 

“Literally, am not.”

“Sure, whatever you say,” Rebekah laughs. 

We both watch the crowd of people dance, laugh, and talk. 

“My brother has been looking for you,” She says and I groan.

“Ya? Which one?”

Rebekah smirks, “Elijah, and Nik.”

“Well, I don’t want to see either one.”

From the corner of my eye, I see Rebekah smirk, “Unluckily for you, I don’t think you have a choice,” At her tone, I look over to her and she nods her head to her left.

I follow her eyeline and let out another groan at the sight of Elijah making his way over to us. 

“God it’s like he has a tracker on me,” I say sarcastically.

“Honestly, I wouldn’t put it past either of them,” Rebekah replies. 

We both watch as Elijah approaches us with a content smile, “Good evening, ladies,” Elijah says with his perfect accent, “Rebekah, mother wants us on the staircase,” Elijah turns his attention towards his younger sister and she rolls her eyes.

“Fine,” Rebekah says sarcastically then turns to me, “It was lovely to talk to you, Y/n. We’ll chat soon.”

I nod silently and watch as she walks towards the staircase. 

“I’ve been looking for you,” Elijah’s voice makes me close my eyes.

“Doesn’t mommy want you on that staircase?”

Elijah’s jaw tenses and he rolls his shoulders, “Behave, Elskan.”

I purse my lips, “Don’t tell me what to do, Suit and Tie.”

Elijah’s tense expression lightens, “Suit and Tie?”

I shrug, “You have a nickname for me. I think it’s only fair I have one for you, as well.”

“Suit and tie,” Elijah says to himself as if he’s seeing how it sounds, “Hmm. It’ll need work, but it’s fine for now.”

I fight back a smirk at his words, “Fine. I’ll workshop it.”

Elijah and I stand there for a moment and I feel his gaze on me the entire time. 

“What did you and my younger brother talk about,” Elijah asks with a hint of skepticism in his voice. 

“Oh, nothing,” I look at my nails as if I’m bored, “Just the fact that I supposedly have your and Klaus’ human souls in me.”

I smirk as I watch Elijah instantly tense up, “My brother was told not to talk to you about that.”

“Well, no one else wanted to keep their word and talk with me about it. So, I’m glad he did,” I cringe, “Actually…I’m not sure. I still have no idea what the hell is going on.”

Elijah nods, “Once again…I apologize that I was unable to make it last night. You should’ve heard that from me and not from…Kol,” He says the name and I can clearly tell how pissed off he is at his younger brother right now. 

“But I did,” I harshly say, “And I still don’t have any clue what to make of it. It doesn’t make any sense.”

Elijah sighs, “I know, Y/n. And I promise you, that I will tell you everything you want to know,” His eyes travel behind me and he sighs, “Right after I deal with my family.”

I nod, “Elijah, your promises don’t mean anything until you start living up to them.”

Elijah sends me a saddened smile and nods, “And I look forward to doing that.”

I nod and with a final smile, Elijah walks up a grand staircase to meet his siblings. 

“Uh, if everyone could gather, please,” Elijah addresses the crowd of people standing below him and his family. 

As I gaze at each Mikaelson sibling I can’t help but hate them all for how hot they all are. Like seriously, the most supernatural thing in this town is this family's good looks.

Elijah stands before his family, confident and strong; Below him, walking up the stairs, Finn stands with a scowl on his face. Even with the scowl, no one could deny how attractive the eldest brother is; Rebekah who stands behind Finn is a bright light compared to her brother’s darker exteriors; Kol who stands at the top step chugging his bottle of champagne looks so boyishly handsome it could make even the most confident girl blush; and last Klaus. The bitch-ass hybrid stands in the middle of all his siblings as if nonverbally telling all of us looking up at them that he’s the one that deserves their utmost attention and respect. 

As if he could read my thoughts, the bastard’s eyes trail to me. The calculative look on his face doesn’t change as he stares down at me and I don’t care enough to hide the glare I know I have on my face. 

“Welcome,” Elijah’s voice calls my attention once again and I trail my eyes away from Klaus to his older brother, “Thank you for joining us. You know, whenever my mother,” Elijah gestures to the older blonde woman making her way down the steps and I hate to say it but she’s also pretty hot. A shitty fucking person, but pretty hot, “brings our family together like this, it’s a tradition for us to commence the evening with a dance. Tonight’s pick is a centuries-old waltz so if all of you could please find yourselves a partner,” Elijah’s eyes land right on me as he talks, “Please join us in the ballroom.”

I debate on running away before anyone can ask me to dance but as I watch Elijah practically hop down the steps, dodge women trying to ask for his hand, all while having his eyes stuck on me I can’t help but only try to fight back the grin on my face. 

“Elskan,” Elijah gives me a smile that makes me want to curl up into a ball and scream, “I would be ever so delighted if you would join me for this dance.”

I look at Elijah’s outstretched hand and cringe, “I can’t dance. Let alone, Waltz.”

Elijah smiles blissfully, “Then let me show you.”

I bite my lip thoughtfully as I stare at him for a moment before relenting, “Fine,” I point at him, “But if I step on your fancy designer shoes I don’t want any complaining.”

Elijah’s smile doesn’t change as he chuckles, “I’d happily have all of my shoes ruined by you if it meant I’d never have to have a different dance partner again.”

I roll my eyes, trying to hide the fact that his words are making me lowkey freak the fuck out. So all I do is place my hand in his and let him lead me to the dance floor where other couples are lined up. 

“I’m going to fall and make a fool out of myself” I whisper to myself as “Give Me Love” By Ed Sheeran starts playing.

“I’d never let you fall,” Elijah leans down and whispers in my ear and I gaze up to him.

“You’re pretty slick with your words. Y’know that right,” I joke and he shrugs.

“I’ve been told this once or twice,” He squeezes my hand and I’m glad the music is so loud because if it wasn’t I’d be sure every vampire in this room could hear how loud my heart was pounding.

Elijah guides me forward as the music starts and I try to copy the woman in front of me as she glides forwards. We turn forward, directly in front of Theo who is dancing with Mayor Lockwood and I let out a small snort. The glare on my little brother’s face shows that he doesn’t seem to find it as funny as me. 

“Wait,” I look over to Elijah only to find it already looking at me, “You said whenever your mother brings your family together you have a dance… that crazy lady has been dead for 1,000 years.”

Elijah smirks at my observation, “A little white lie never hurt anyone.”

I roll my eyes, “Says the man who can’t die.”

Elijah squeezes my hand and without warning he twirls me. Being caught off guard I trip forward but thankfully Elijah pulls me back into him and I grab onto his chest.

“See, I told you I wouldn’t let you fall,” Elijah, who stands a breath away from me, smiles.

“I hate dancing,” I say exhausted.

Elijah looks over to the other couples for a moment and I do the same. 

Elena and Damon are three couples away, engaged in whatever drama is paining them today. Rebekah and Matt are next to them, and I can’t help but admit how pretty they would be as a couple. My eyes continued trailing over other couples randomly; I stop when my eyes catch the light blue of Caroline’s dress. 

Caroline stands holding onto Klaus as they twirl around. They appear to be in the middle of a conversation and for some reason, all I want right now is to know what the hell they could possibly be talking about. I’d also like to know why the hell he invited her. I didn’t understand him. The man who one day grips my thigh like it’s his life source and the next won’t even spare me a glance. 

I feel Elijah squeeze my hand and I instantly feel horrible for thinking about another man while in his arms. 

“What’s plaguing your thoughts, my love?”

The nickname has me choking on my saliva, only making Elijah smirk. 

“You’ve really got to pick one nickname and keep with it,” I say trying to act more annoyed than flustered. 

“I’ve waited for you for too long to have my feelings confined to just one word.”

All reservations I had are now off the table as I stare wide-eyed at the man in front of me. 

“Elijah…I,” I start but then a tightness in his lower jaw stops me.

“I’m sorry, Elskan. We have to change partners now. But, I promise we will continue this discussion,” Elijah says and with a pained look, he twirls me. 

I’m twirling until a strong hand on my lower back stops me, “Hello again, Darling.”

I raise an eyebrow at the youngest Mikaelson brother, “Hello, Kol.”

Kol seems to be delighted with my lack of enthusiasm as he swings me in his arms. Where Elijah kept a tight hold on me, Kol seems to have more enjoyment in flinging me around the dance floor. 

“So I’ve been thinking,” Kol says thoughtfully and I roll my eyes.

“Here we go.”

Kol rolls his own eyes at my comment but still continues, “So you need protecting, and I don’t want to end up with another dagger in my chest. So…we should team up.”

I frown at his words, “Who do I need protecting from? And why do you think I could stop you from getting daggered?”

Kol looks at me like I’m stupid, “Darling, please tell me you’re smarter than this.”

At my silence, Kol closes his eyes and sighs, “Bloody hell.”

Kol shakes his head, “Alright, you’re important to my brothers. This means their enemies are going to be coming after you; hence why you need protection. And to answer your other question…I’m willing to bet another one hundred years of my life daggered that if you were to bat those pretty y/e/c eyes at either one of my brothers they would move mountains to make you happy. So…”

At Kol’s expectant look, I nod in understanding, “If I tell them I don’t want you daggered…”

Kol nods happily, “Then I’ll stay handsome and perfectly unharmed.”

I consider about Kol’s words.

“You may have Elijah and Klaus’ protection,” Kol’s eyes go behind me to where Theo is dancing with Rebekah, “But your little brother doesn’t.”

I look at Theo who is currently talking a mile a minute with a smiling Rebekah. 

“Fine. You have a deal. You protect me, and more importantly, Theo, and I’ll back up. I don’t think Elijah or especially Klaus care enough to listen to me but I’ll try.”

Kol smirks devilishly but then frowns, “You’re joking right,” He must notice my confusion because he continues, “Bloody hell, you really don’t see how they look at you?”

I shake my head and Kol nudges his head to his left and I catch Elijah watching us with an intense look. I quickly look back to Kol and he raises an eyebrow.

“See?”

I shake my head, “Okay…maybe Elijah and I are friends…but Klaus doesn’t give a damn about me.”

Kol’s mouth drops open and I loud laugh escapes his throat, “Bloody hell, luv. You really are oblivious,” Kol shakes his head, “Let me just say this…I’ve never seen my bastard of a brother look at anyone the way he looks at you. It may not register in that thick skull of yours but it’s true. This whole world could be burning down and my brother would not let a single flame come near you,” Kol shrugs, “He probably was the one who started the fire but what I say still stands.”

I stare at the youngest brother with my mouth hung open and he laughs, “I’ve enjoyed trying to knock some sense into, Little Doll. We shall talk more about our deal later on… Good luck,” He smirks evilly, and without a moment for me to say anything back he thrusts me into another pair of strong arms. 

A strong masculine smell of something woodsy enters my nose and I breathe it in with a sigh. 

“I didn’t know if you were going to show,” That British voice that I know so well enters my ears and I let out a growl.

“Of course, it’s you,” I open my eyes to find myself in Klaus’ arms. 

Klaus gazes down at me and I shoot a glare at Kol who isn’t looking at me but has a smirk on his face, “That fucker.”

“Many people have the same reaction when it comes to my little brother,” Klaus says with a smirk and I just glare at him.

I turn away from him, look to my side, and watch the other couples dance around us. 

“Don’t ignore me,” Klaus’ rough voice calls to me and I turn to glare at him.

“I don’t care enough about you to even care about ignoring you. Let’s just get this stupid dance over with,” I bite and he glares back at me. 

“Fine with me,” He growls back.

“Good.”

“Good.”

We both huff and continue glaring at each other until his eyes fall down to my chest.

“Where is it?”

I glance down at my chest and shake my head at him annoyed, “Where the hell is what?”

“Your necklace,” He insists, “Where is it?”

I look down at my diamond necklace and then back up to him, “Are you blind? I’m wearing it.”

Klaus growls under his breath, “Not that one. The wolf one.”

I lean back in surprise momentarily, “Why do you care?”

“Because I want you to wear it,” He says as if it was obvious. 

“Why the fuck would you want me to…” I stop talking when the answer hits me like a truck. 

“It was…” I release my hands from his quickly and grasp my neck, “It was from you wasn’t it?”

Klaus tries taking a step towards me but with every step he takes I take one back. 

“Don’t come near me,” I shake my head and feel my breathing picking up. 

I quickly run through the couples dancing, not caring about messing up this stupid dance as I run through the doors and out into a low-lit garden. 

I run a hand through my hair taking out the little pins I had holding my hairstyles together and let my hair flow freely. I kick off my stupid heels and throw myself onto the grass, the cold ground calming my hot skin. 

I close my eyes letting out a deep breath and lay down, resting my head on the ground. I look above me to the bright moon overhead and the stairs that surround it. A wave of sadness washes through me as I look at it. I’d always related to the moon. Always felt like she and I were the same. Alone, even though they were surrounded by so many others. The brightly lit stars had each other, thousands of them to hold on to one another, but there was only one moon. Where the stars had their own light and color, the moon only shone because it had the sun shining on it. 

I close my eyes and let a small tear fall down my face. As I’m laying there I feel a warmth come next to me and place itself on the ground beside me. I don’t have to open my eyes to recognize who the owner of the woodsy scent is. 

“When I was a boy,” Klaus’ low voice fills my ears, “My father would beat me for never being the way he wanted. I could never hold a sword the right way, couldn’t hunt enough animals, I wasn’t man enough in his eyes. Even though I was surrounded by siblings, I never truly felt like one of them,” Klaus stops for a moment and I open my eyes to look at him. To my slight surprise, he was lying right beside me on the grass, his left arm lifted under his head and his eyes staring straight up at the sky, “The only time I felt like I belonged was when it was just myself and the moon. I’d spent most of my boyhood cowering, but…whenever I gazed up at the moon, I felt as though I was something greater. Better. It’s been over a thousand years and I still gaze up at her, remembering how that scared little boy held onto it like a lifeline.”

Klaus stops talking and we lay there together, staring up at the moon.

“I’ve been alone a long time,” I say softly and I can see him turn his head out of the corner of my eye, “When I was little, maybe 8 or 9 I’d cry to my mother asking her why none of the other kids wanted to be around me. She’d just tell me it was because I was too mature for them. I never really believed her though. When I was 10, my father started drinking,” I let out a sigh as the words came out of my mouth, “He’d get angry when he drank. He’d swear at me and my mother and do other stuff. He’d tell me that I deserved to be alone. That people like me…there’s something wrong with people like me. That went on for a few years before my father finally decided that starting a whole new family sounded like a better idea than being with his first one. He may have left but his words didn’t. My mother at first told me that what he was saying wasn’t true. That “hurt people, hurt people.” But as I got older and saw that everyone around me seemed to find their places with each other, and I couldn’t ever seem to fit in, I started to realize that maybe my…father… was right. It wasn’t up until about a year or so ago that I began to be one with the loneliness. Or at least I like to tell myself that. When Elena came around I saw it almost as a threat to myself. To what I was used to. Why, after 17 years did someone finally decide to see me? Having friends now makes me feel like a hungry dog. I got a taste of what it felt like to be fed, but it doesn’t seem to be good enough for me. That’s why it’s better for me to ruin anything that can have a hold on me…Even if it can take away that hunger.”

Klaus is silent for a moment and so am I.

“After I turned…the moon wasn’t the only thing that kept away the loneliness,” Klaus says and I turn my head to gaze at him and he turns him to gaze at me, “You were.”

I furrow my eyebrows, “What are you talking about?”

Klaus reaches a hand up and runs a finger along my face as if he’s memorizing every aspect of it.

“At first it was just glimpses. Colors. Almost like a memory that didn’t belong to me. But every night as I’d dream the images would get clearer. Until one night I was staring into the most exquisite y/e/c I’d ever seen. I didn’t know who they belonged to yet. But for the first time in my life, I felt seen. I’m a monster who has done monstrous things, but yet these eyes looked at me like none of that mattered. Like I had finally been accepted, monstrous bits and all. So every morning when I awoke I’d draw them. And every night I’d dream of them. It wasn’t for another 300 years that I would learn that the eyes belonged to the human part of my soul. And when I found that out, I was angry. Furious even. I hated the thought that the only way someone would ever look at me like I was deserving of being understood was if they were a direct result of me.”

Klaus stops and I can practically hear my heartbeat thumping. 

“So I burnt the pictures. Hid anything that reminded me of those eyes and hoped to never come across them for the rest of my eternity. And for 1,108 years I had accomplished that…until one Friday afternoon, in a tiny high school where I locked eyes with that y/e/c. And everything I’d work for became nothing. It was like I was seeing everything for the first time. I was once again that little boy running from himself begging for someone to save him. Because I knew the longer I looked into those y/e/c eyes, the sooner I was doomed.”

Klaus grabs my chin and makes me look into his eyes, “You, Y/n Y/l/n have doomed for me for an eternity,” His eyes search mine, “And no matter how much I try to fight it, fight you, I can’t help but spend every waking moment hoping for you. Hoping for my promised destruction.”

I stare wordlessly at the man in front of me. I keep opening my mouth and closing it but I can’t seem to find the right words. 

“I think I’m going to have a panic attack,” I sit upright quickly and clench my chest. I hear Klaus sit up next to me and clutch my shoulders.

“Y/n, just breathe,” He soothes and I think I am having a stroke because what the actual fuck is happening right now.

“I’m so confused.”

Klaus brushes my hair away from my face, “I know this must be hard for you. I didn’t plan on telling you like this…I actually didn’t plan on telling you at all. But when I saw that anger on your face,” he pauses, “Anger that was directed at me, for the first time in my life I felt sick. So I needed to tell you, that even if you may hate me…I could never hate you. And for as long as I live, you will never be alone again.”

I feel tears brim my eyes as I look over and up to him and shake my head, “If you feel this way then why did you invite Caroline? Clearly, you don’t feel the way you say,” I try to deny.

Klaus’s expression darkens, and he once again grabs my chin. “Do not for a moment try to tell me how I feel about you. The only reason I invited your blonde friend was because Elijah had already claimed you as his date. You can also ask your blonde friend, but the entire night all I did was ask her questions about you. I heard she can’t keep a secret for her life and so I picked her brain about you. If my older brother hadn’t gotten to you first…you would’ve been with me tonight.”

I try to process what he just said and I feel a panic attack come on, “I…I…but…I,” I continue shaking my head as I stand up and Klaus follows, “You and Elijah are just playing some sick joke on me right? As a way to get back at Elena? Mess with the mentally ill non-verbal best friend. Get her to hate herself for getting all flustered over two brothers! Fucking brothers!”

“I can assure you, Elskan. That is not the case,” I whip around to see Elijah walking down the steps into the garden. 

I rub a hand over my face and start walking around in a circle as the two brothers stand next to one another, watching. 

“I mean, come on! You guys have to see how crazy this is right? I mean what kind of whore gets feelings for brothers!”

Klaus and Elijah’s faces darkened and I hear Klaus release a low growl.

“Dont. Ever. Call yourself a whore,” Elijah takes a step forward and continues speaking with a deadly tone, “My brother has said his peace to you, and in due time I will as well. But don’t for a moment think that you should hate yourself for something that fate has put in front of you.”

I continue to stand there like a fish out of water, not knowing what the hell to say next. Thankfully, my saving grace comes in the form of a loud crashing sound coming from upstairs, capturing our attention. 

“Shouldn’t we go check that out,” I point up with a shaking hand. 

“Don’t for a second think that we won’t be discussing this further,” Elijah informs me and I have to fight back the weird feeling in my chest at his commanding tone. 

I nod and Elijah comes towards me and reaches out a hand for me to take. Klaus steps forward and does the same. I stare at both of their hands and swallow my doubts as I place a hand in each and let them guide me upstairs towards the front door where my friends and their siblings are standing. 

I quickly drop my hands from theirs as Elena turns towards me. Thankfully, it doesn’t seem she saw anything as she sends me a small smile. 

Damon stands above Kol’s dead body with an enraged look. 

“Fucking idiot,” I mutter.

“You’ve got that right,” My little brother says as he comes to stand next to me. 

Damon looks over all of us before landing his eyes on me, “Pukey, we’re leaving,” Damon’s tone is harsh but something in his eyes makes my heart tug.

“She is not going anywhere with you,” Elijah says with a dark voice that has everyone looking at him. 

I shake my head, “It’s ok,” I turn to Theo and hand him my *Stefan’s* car keys, “I’ll see you at home, okay?”

Theo looks at me like I’ve got two heads but still nods.

I look over to where Klaus and Elijah are practically seething and sigh.

“Let’s go, Freak,” I run over to Damon and grab his arm leading him away from everyone and out into the parking lot. 

As soon as we’re out of sight from everyone I see Damon’s shoulders instantly drop and I turn to glare at him.

“You’ve seriously got the worst survival instinct, of anyone I’ve ever met,” I say with a hand on his hip.

“I’m never going to be the one,” Damon lets out with a shaky sigh and I instantly drop my disappointed mother act. 

“What happened?”

I take a step closer to him and he shakes his head.

“Elena.”

I take a deep sigh and nod, “Of course.”

Damon lifts his head to look at me, “You look like how I feel,” He says trying to be sarcastic but I can hear the pain in his voice.

“I’ve had a rough night too, my friend. Movie night at yours,” I question as I wrap my arm around his, and his upper lip twitches.

“You called me your friend.”

I roll my eyes and let him lead me to his car, “Shut up.”

[borathae]

Man of the Hour

“You love your best friends, which means that Jungkook will do anything in his powers to make sure that they are safe.”

Pairing: CEO!Jungkook x f.Reader

Genre: married life!AU, Comfort

Warnings: protective!Jungkook, one of OC's friends needs help and he is there for her, sexual harassment, he's the best hubby ever, mentions of sexwork, tears, he's quite frankly The Man

Wordcount: 1.9k

a/n: the header fucking ruins me. he is so handsome ngngn. also, i saw a tiktok about a woman's husband helping her bestie move out of her abusive ex's place and went "you know what? aaol!Kook would always be there for OC's besties" so i wanted to write something about it 🤍

Six fourty two. Jungkook has a little over an hour left until he can finally go home. He doesn’t know that yet because he is currently lost in his work. He has concepts to write and contracts to go through. Jungkook has a very thorough and good team of lawyers which go through anything law related, but Jungkook still likes to check for himself. In his field of work, it is best to trust himself and only himself.

You are already at home, promising him dinner. His favourite. He can’t wait to get home to you. He will give you the tightest hug imaginable and then follow it up with a smooch to your face and lots of promises of his eternal love.

His phone rings. 

Jungkook looks at his smart watch, furrowing his brows in confusion. This is a caller he hadn’t expected to call. He picks up with a funny feeling in his stomach.

“Noona?”

“Jungkook, thank fuck you picked up. I didn’t know who else to call, I need your help.”

At that his ears perk up. The distress is obvious in her voice.

“What happened? Are you okay?”

Loud club music plays in the background. Distorted voices are filling the chaos as well.

“No. I’m at Saturn and there are men who want to hurt me. T-they keep talking about taking turns on, on me.”

Jungkook straightens up in his chair.

“Are you safe right now?”

“I locked myself in the bathroom.” Loud banging. “Jungkook, can you please come and get me? They’re banging on the door. I’m scared.”

“I’m coming. Don’t go anywhere. I promise, I’m coming.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”

The phone call ends.

“Noona? Wheein noona?” Jungkook tries, ‘goddamn it, I’m coming.”

He leaves his office quickly, typing in your number to let you know what was happening.

“Bunny, hey there”, you sound happy about his call. “Are you coming home earlier?”

“Wheein noona is in danger.”

“What!?”

“She just called me that she is at Saturn and some assholes are trying to hurt her. She’s in the bathroom, safe for now, but I’m gonna get her.”

“Holy fuck, Kook. Please get her, please. I’m gonna call her right away.”

“Do that. See you later, love.”

“See you.”

The phone call ends. Jungkook gets into his car moments later, driving off as quickly as the law allows. He won’t let Wheein wait. He won’t let any of your friends wait. 

They lovingly call him their adoptive man of the hour sometimes because he will always be there for them if one of them needs male support. Be it something as innocent as moving furniture too heavy or hanging up curtains on a window too high, Jungkook will be there to help as best as possible. The same counts for the heavy stuff. Like rescuing Wheein from a dangerous situation because some men see a sex worker and think they have free range to do anything to her. Or stuff like letting Byulyi crash in his guest bedroom for a few weeks because her ex boyfriend turned out to be a piece of shit abuser and she needed to escape the situation. He even helped her move all her stuff, taking his biggest car so she wouldn’t have to go back to the place more than once. 

Jungkook cares and he cares honestly. Which is why he is officially the adoptive man of the hour for your girls. 

Tonight is no different. Jungkook hurries to the club bathroom as quickly as possible, pushing strangers aside with little care about how rude he might seem. Manners don’t count when one of his friends is in danger. 

The men aren’t in front of the bathroom anymore, but that doesn’t calm Jungkook down. They could still be hiding somewhere, waiting for a moment to jump Wheein if she ever comes out. 

He knocks on the door, calling out Wheein’s name.

“It’s me. Jungkook. The air’s clear, I promise.” 

Seconds later the door unlocks. Her face is messy because she cried off her makeup.

“Noona, hey there.” Jungkook steps closer, resting his hands on the doorframe so she was shielded from prying eyes and therefore safe. “I came as quickly as I could. How are you?”

“I’m sorry for calling. I didn’t know who else to call. You’re the only man I can trust.”

“Don’t apologise, noona. I’m just glad that you’re okay. Should we go home?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d really like that.”

“Our place or yours?”

“Can I s-stay at your place for a while?” she stutters, looking smaller than normally. Anxiety is definitely shrinking her.

“Of course, you can.” Jungkook assures her and looks over his shoulder. A few men are looking at him. Is that them? He sends them a deathly glare, then looks back at Wheein with soft eyes. “Is it okay for me to put my arm around you? So I can keep you safe?”

“Yeah, please. I’m sorry, I know that’s a lot to ask.”

“Don’t worry. It’s to keep you safe. You can hide away in my side if you need to. I’ll make sure nothing happens.”

“Thank you so much”, she barely gets out and seeks safety in his arms, knowing that she won’t be hurt anymore. And Jungkook takes pride in knowing that he can help her leave this shady place unharmed. He won’t ever let any of your friends get hurt. He will protect them just as much as he will protect you. They are his girls because they are your girls. And Jungkook fights for his girls.

The strange men inch closer like hyenas. So Jungkook’s gist was correct.

“Where are you taking her? We were here first”, one of them tries to fight him, while the others gawk lustfully. Like fucking starving animals. Disgusting.

“I’m gonna punch in your face if you keep talking”, Jungkook spits and leads Wheein past them without giving them any more attention.

“Hey!”

“Come back!”

They call after them.

“Don’t listen to them, noona. I’m here now”, Jungkook assures her and pulls her closer, “fuck, should I get back there and get their names? I’ll tell my lawyers to take care of them.”

“No please just, please just take me away”, she pleads because she is too scared to stay in this situation any longer. Jungkook respects her decision even if he really wants to punish them.

“Alright, I will. Don’t worry”, Jungkook promises, leading her safely out of the club and to his car.

He helps her inside and rounds the car, looking at the club one last time. The animals which call themselves men are lingering by the entrance, sending deathly glances Jungkook’s way.

“Fucking vermin”, he presses out and gets inside his car. He locks the doors and starts the engine. “I’ve got water in the door compartment if you need it.”

“Thank you”, Wheein whispers and relaxes in the seat just as Jungkook finally takes her away from the scary situation.

You are in the parking garage, dressed in slippers and your loungewear and looking beyond worried, when they finally arrive at home. You run to Wheein the moment the car pulls in, calling out to her.

“Unnie! Oh god, I was so worried!” you hug her tightly. So tightly in fact that her brittle composure finally breaks and she cries into your shoulder. 

“I was so scared. So, so scared.”

“I’m sorry, unnie. Oh god this is awful, I’m sorry. Let’s go upstairs, I made tea.”

“Thank you. You have no idea how much I need this tonight.”

“Unnie, of course. You can crash here if you want to.”

“I think I do.”

“You can stay as long as you need. What happened? Do you wanna tell me? Oh god, unnie I’m so glad that you’re okay.”

“I was so scared. One of them recognised me from Paradis and, and then he and his friends tried to get me to fuck them and when I said no they followed me to-” She hides away in your arms. “I can’t.”

“It’s okay unnie, it’s okay. Just cry in my arms, I’m here.”

Jungkook lets you and Wheein talk, while he stands next to you and listens, rubbing your lower back soothingly. Wheein cries the entire elevator ride, telling you all about what happened while you curse at the men. Jungkook wanted to curse as well. He hates most of his fellow men a lot. He bears witness to how most act and think and talk when there are no women present. If Jungkook saved up each time one of his business partners made a misogynistic “joke” about their wives or women in general, he would be able to buy a house within six months. If he saved up each time he has one of them confesses how they are cheating on said wives followed by a “huh? As a man you should understand me” when Jungkook voices his distaste for such behaviour, he could buy a new sports car within seven months. Jungkook loathes most of his fellow men and how they carry their hatred for half of humanity with fucking pride. 

Wheein eats dinner with you, after taking a shower and borrowing some of your clothes. You sit by her side, holding her hand as she keeps repeating the story over and over again to work through it. Neither you nor Jungkook mind that she keeps repeating herself. Sometimes one just needs to keep talking about the same stuff over and over again until it finally stops hurting.

After dinner, you and Jungkook don’t really get to talk a lot because somehow the situation was so shocking that you both forgot to function until Wheein was truly safe in her bed. 

Jungkook is still in his suit, cleaning the kitchen after loading the dishwasher, when you return from the bathroom. He shrugged off his jacket and tie, but kept his waistcoat on. The main lights are off, only the stand lights in the living room are turned on and the light above the stove. Jungkook likes working in darkness because it is easier on his eyes. They get sensitive after a long day at the office.

You come up behind him, sneaking your arms around him so your hands were resting on his pecs innocently. Jungkook places the towel aside and leans back into your hug, caressing your lower arms.

“Thank you”, you whisper.

“Mhm”, he hums, closing his eyes. 

“Thank you so fucking much.”

He hums again. You turn him to you, holding his hands and pressing them against his chest. He looks at you, waiting for you to speak. The gratitude in your eyes is almost consuming them whole.

“You have no idea how much I appreciate what you did for Wheein today. What you keep doing for all of them.”

“They’re your best friends, which means I gotta be there for them. No, I want to be there for them.”

“You and I both know that not many think this way. Seriously, thank you so fucking much.”

He smiles, discarding you with a shake of his head.

“I’m just glad that noona is safe.”

“Me too. Fuck, me too”, you say, sagging your shoulders. You look up at him, pouting sadly to the point where your lower lip trembles. “I think I need a hug.”

“Come here.” Jungkook hugs you, rubbing the back of your head. “She’s safe now. I promise.”

“I’m so glad.”

“Me too.” Jungkook hugs you tighter when he hears you sniffle. “Let it out if you need to. I’m here for you.”

You melt into him, feeling safe. He is truly the man of the hour. Your gentle, good hearted man of the hour. 

[serial-designation-jey]

ALRIGHT YOU GUYS ASKED FOR THIS!

MURDER DRONES INCORRECT QUOTES, 38 PAGES WORTH, THE SHIPS ARE NUZI, DIZZY AND OILROSE. THIS WAS MADE LIKE A WEEK AFTER EPISODE 6 RELEASED. BE PREPARED THIS WILL BE LONG.

**Thad:** We call that a traumatic experience. 

**Thad, turning to Uzi:** Not a "bruh moment". 

**Thad, turning to J:** Not "sadge". 

**Thad, turning to V:** And DEFINITELY not an "oof LMAO".

-

**Lizzy:** *lying down and crying* 

**V:** There, there. Why don’t you take some time off to not be around me while you’re like this?

-

**V:** Just trust me. Have I ever put you in an unsafe or uncomfortable situation? 

**N:** All the time. 

**V:** Then you should be used to it by now.

-

**Uzi:** You need a hobby. 

**V:** I have a hobby! 

**Uzi:** Fawning over J isn’t a hobby.

-

**N:** How do you connect with a fictional character? 

**Thad:** What? 

**Doll:** что? (What?) 

**Lizzy:** What? 

**Uzi:** *pulls up a 500 slide presentation* I'm glad you asked.

-

**Doll:** Иногда я разговариваю сам с собой без причины. (Sometimes i talk to myself.)

**Doll:** Я тоже! (Me too!)

-

**Lizzy:** How do I tell Doll that I want them to yell at me like they're Gordon Ramsay and I'm a poor little chef who just ruined a crème brûlée?

-

**Doll:** Uzi просто сказал: «У меня есть тяга к разрушению», а затем они нагнулись и развязали мой ботинок. (Uzi just said "I have an appetite for destruction" and then they reached down and untied my shoe.)

-

**Uzi:** I will send my army to attack! 

**Uzi:** *releases a dumpster of raccoons*

-

**J:** What kinds of sounds annoy you? 

**N:** Are we talking real sounds or imaginary ones? 

**J, now interested:** Lets say imaginary. 

**N:** Spiders wearing flip-flops.

-

**Lizzy:** Ow! 

**Doll:** В чем дело? (What’s wrong?) 

**Lizzy:** I have this weird pain right behind my visor. 

**Doll:** Это называется стрессовая головная боль. Я получил свой первый, когда мне было четыре года. (It’s called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.)

-

**N:** J, you’re mean!

**J:** What did you say? 

**N:** You heard me! 

**J, internally:** And it turns out I actually didn't hear what the fuck you just said.

-

**Thad:** Why are you two always out during snowstorms? 

**N:** It’s so peaceful and refreshing. I love the smell of snow. 

**Uzi:** V bet me I couldn’t get struck by lightning, but she’s WRONG.

-

**Doll:** Так когда же мы им расскажем? (So when are we gonna tell them? )

**Lizzy:** Just give her a minute. 

**Uzi:** *Pulling on a door that clearly says push.*

-

**Lizzy:** Hey! Wanna hear a joke? 

**Doll:** Конечно. (Sure.) 

**Lizzy:** Your life! 

**Doll:** На самом деле моя жизнь — не шутка, шутки имеют смысл. (Actually, my life isn’t a joke, jokes have meaning.)

**Lizzy:** Doll, no.

-

**Tessa:** Keep it running. *Tosses keys over shoulder into empty parking lot.*

-

*The Squad cleaning up* 

**Thad:** Pick up the nearest piece of trash and throw it away. 

**Lizzy, to Uzi:** Aight, which bin do you wanna go in—

-

**Doll:** Я не был настолько пьян от масла. (I wasn’t that drunk on oil.)

**Lizzy:** You colored my face with a highlighter because you said I was important. 

**Doll:** ПОТОМУ ЧТО ВЫ ЕСТЬ! (BECAUSE YOU ARE!)

-

*When a child starts crying in public* 

**N:** *tries to make the child laugh* 

**Doll:** *tries to play a game with the child to make them calm down* 

**Lizzy:** *gives [bad] detailed instructions to the parents* 

**Thad:** *cries with the child* 

**V:** *ignores the child* 

**Uzi:** *is the reason why the child is crying*

-

**Lizzy:** Why are we friends? 

**V:** Poor decisions on your part.

-

**Uzi:** So, are you two dating now? 

**J and V:** Yes. 

**Uzi:** Why? 

**J:** I happen to find V very appealing. 

**Uzi:** Yeah, I can understand that. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with V.

-

**Uzi:** When I first got my autism diagnosis, my first thought was “Woah… it’s canon” and I think that maybe thoughts like that is why N made me get tested.

-

**J:** Is something burning? 

**V, leaning seductively on the counter:** Just my desire for you. 

**J:** V, the toaster is literally on fire.

-

**J**: When I first met you I thought you were a real bitch.

**N**: What changed?

**J**: Now I know you’re a fake bitch.

-

**J, passing their phone to N:** I'm passing the phone to someone, who if I had to choose between hanging out with them and having my organs removed one by one, I’d choose the organs. 

**N, passing the phone back to J:** I'm passing the phone to my best friend!

-

**Uzi:** Two brooooos! 

**N:** Chillin' in a hot tub! 

**Uzi:** Five feet apart 'cause we're not gay! 

**N:** 

**Uzi:** 

**N:** *tearing up* 

**Uzi:** Babe, c'mon... 

**N:** AND HERE YOU REALLY HAD ME THINKING WE HAD SOMETHING. 

**Uzi:** Babe...

-

**Uzi:** sapnu puaS. 

**Thad:** What?? 

**N:** What language is that? 

**Uzi:** Turn your phone 180 degrees. 

*Uzi was removed from the group chat*

-

**V:** At this point I have to confess… I started to feel a little bad for Doll. Maybe it was the fact that I had just outperformed them at their own game, or maybe it was that I held an obvious advantage over the poor bastard. Maybe it was just that unbearable to look into their eyes. Either way, I started to wonder if maybe this was a pointless endeavor after all. What was I doing to this person? What was I trying to prove? Was this really some grand, noble quest, to tear an overconfident fraud from their unearned throne? To show everyone that I was right. That Doll did not deserve to stand at that zenith, to lord over all their lowly competitors. Or… perhaps… was I really just doing this for myself? Beating an opponent within an inch of their life over and over and over again… all for my own petty ego. All to fill this emptiness inside of me. I asked myself, was Doll really the bad guy? Or was it me, all along? 

**V:** But then I remembered that Doll ain’t shit, and I got over it!

-

*Bullying Prevention Day at school* 

**Teacher:** Uzi, what would you do if one of your classmates viciously teased you again and again? 

**Uzi:** Oh, that’s easy. I’d take a pencil out of my pencil case— 

**Teacher:** To write something to your teacher? 

**Uzi:** —make sure that it’s really sharp, and ram it into their eye at full tilt! My mom always said the pencil is mightier than the sword because they can’t outlaw bringing pencils to school! 

**Teacher:** *internal screaming*

-

**V:** This bloodline ends with me. 

**Uzi:** That's the fanciest way I've ever heard someone say "I'm gay".

-

**V:** How’s practice going? 

**Lizzy:** Terrible. I want to stab everybody there. 

**V:** Okay, just don’t get any oil on your clothes. 

**Lizzy:** …you shouldn’t be condoning this. 

**V:** Don’t tell me how to live my life.

-

**Uzi, singing:** I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need— 

**Lizzy:** A mom. 

**J:** A better love life. 

**V:** Mental stability. 

**N:** *clueless* Bagels?

-

**Doll:** Люди всегда отвергают мои идеи, и мне это надоело. Два предложения, и все всегда кричат: «Какого черта? это незаконно!» и «Ты не можешь этого сделать!». Мол, давай, дай мне поговорить! (People always shoot down my ideas and I’m sick of it. Two sentences in and everyone’s always shouting “What the fuck? That’s illegal!” and “You can’t do that!”. Like, c'mon, let me talk!)

-

**V:** How was your day, Lizzy? 

**Lizzy:** Yeah, fine, it's anti-bullying week at school. 

**V:** Oh? And what does that mean? 

**Lizzy:** It means I can't bully Uzi for a whole week.

-

**V:** J annoyed me today so I told them that I can’t wait to see what they have planned for our special day tomorrow. 

**Uzi:** There is nothing special about tomorrow. 

**V:** But there is something special about watching the color leave their eyes as panic takes over.

-

**Lizzy, to Doll:** You wanna fight? All right, let’s take this outside. The stars are so bright tonight and the moon looks so nice. Here, hold my hand—

-

**Doll:** Не могу поверить, что в моем свидетельстве о рождении написано Ф… (I can’t believe my birth certificate says F... )

**Doll:** ...Как я не родился? (...How did I fail being born?)

-

**Uzi:** *About to do something incredibly stupid* 

**N:** I know I can't stop you, but I won't let you go by yourself.

-

**Doll, singing to the tune of I Kissed a Girl:** Я убил парня, и мне это понравилось- (I killed a guy, and I liked it- )

**Lizzy, whispering:** Should we call the exorcist? 

**Uzi, also singing:** The taste of his cherry chapstick. 

**V, appalled:** Call the exorcist.

-

**Uzi:** Guys… the principal just called— 

**Rebecca:** It was Lizzy! 

**Lizzy:** It was Braiden! 

**Braiden:** It was Thad! 

**Thad:** It was me!

-

**Uzi:** I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time. 

**V:** *cracks knuckles* Manslaughter it is!

-

**J:** You ever see something that changes your life and you're just like "Huh.." 

**V:** I saw you. 

**J:** Honestly that's so cute and sweet but it kinda makes this awkward because I was gonna show you a picture of Tessa in a turkey costume.

-

**N:** Remember! Curiosity killed the cat! 

**V:** Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Lizzy, go find out if that thing can catch fire! 

**N:** You're a bad influence. 

**V:** And you don't know your sayings.

-

**Uzi:** Is stabbing someone immoral? 

**Lizzy:** Not if they consent to it. 

**V:** Depends on who you’re stabbing. 

**N:** YES??!!?

-

**V:** The next time I open up to someone, it'll be my autopsy.

-

**Doll:** Хотите чего-нибудь выпить? (Would you like something to drink?) *They open the fridge* У нас есть вода, молоко, сок, тараканы, Доктор Пеппер- (We have water, milk, juice, cockroaches, Dr. Pepper-)

**Lizzy:** Cockroaches? 

**Doll:** Тараканы это тогда. (Cockroaches it is then.) 

**Lizzy:** No, that wasn’t- 

*But they were already pouring them a brimming glass of cockroaches*

-

**V:** How long do you think it'll take? 

**J:** I don’t know, three or four. 

**Uzi:** Three or four what? Days? Weeks? Months? 

**V:** Yeah, maybe five. 

**Uzi:** Five what?!

-

*J Driving and taking V and N along for the ride* 

**N:** That's a pothole. To the left! 

**J:** Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole* 

**V, sticking their face into the front over the center console:** Cha Cha real smooth. 

**J:** I don't think that's how the song goes. 

**N, crying and gripping the handle:** Please just take me home. 

**J:** Country Roads. 

**V:** To the place. 

**J and V in unison:** I Belong! 

**N, crying harder:** What the fuck?

-

*J and V are in a mirror maze* 

**J, seeing V:** C'mon, you got it! Almost through! 

**V:** Oh! I see you! *runs straight into a mirror, shattering it* 

**J:** *Cries laughing*

-

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’* 

**Lizzy:** I love me too.

**V:** Oh no. 

**N:** *cries* I love you too. 

**Uzi:** Sounds fake, but okay. 

**J:** *A flustered mess* 

**Thad:** Can I get a refund?

-

**V:** It's not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You've got to admit though, fire is fascinating.

-

**Doll:** Я думаю, мой ангел-хранитель пьет. (I think my guardian angel drinks.)

-

**Thad:** Hey, Lizzy? Can I get some dating advice? 

**Lizzy:** Just because I'm with Doll doesn't mean I know how I did it.

-

**N:** There is no i in happyness… 

**J:** There is if you fucking spell it right.

-

**Uzi:** We are gathered here today because someone- *glares at V’s coffin* -couldn’t stay alive!

-

**Lizzy:** Would you take a bullet for me? 

**Doll:** …да? (...yes?) 

*Uzi angrily bursts into the room* 

**Lizzy:** *running away* Great, thanks!

-

**N:** You know, I really wish you’d just admit you made a mistake sometimes. 

**V, stirring their coffee:** I prefer it with salt.

-

**Uzi:** Are you okay? 

**N, crying:** Yeah, it was just the onions. 

**Uzi:** *Picks up an onion* What the fuck did you say to N?

-

**Thad:** Do you support gay rights? 

**Doll:** Я буквально гей. (I’m literally gay.) 

**Uzi:** They’re avoiding the question!

-

**N:** Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers! 

**V:** Please, just say fuck.

-

**Lizzy:** Words ending in 'ie' just sound so adorable. Like cutie, sweetie, cookie- 

**Thad:** Eyy, homie! 

**Uzi:** But then there's cootie... 

**J:** Die.

-

**Uzi:** Isn’t it weird that we can’t ride any other animal except horses? Like if horses weren’t a thing, drones would be fucked cause we couldn’t ride any other animals. Like riding animals wouldn’t really be a thing. We should probably be more grateful to horses. 

**V:** Elephants. 

**Uzi:** Blocked. 

**J:** Camels. 

**Uzi:** Extra blocked. 

**N:** Donkeys. 

**Uzi:** Ultra blocked. 

**Lizzy:** That dick. 

**Uzi:** ...Followed.

-

**N:** Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute drone but I'm not! 

**V:** N, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday. 

**N:** It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it! 

**J:** ...It was a bug. 

**N:** It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not! 

**V:** ... 

**J:** ... 

**N:** Stop looking at me like that!

-

**Uzi:** I feel like the world would be better if I'd never been born. 

**J:** Aw... that's not true. 

**J:** It'd be exactly the same. 

**J:** You're not important.

-

**V, admiring a sleeping J:** You’re so cute. 

**J, sleepily:** I could beat your ass. 

**V, lovingly:** I know.

-

**Lizzy:** I know how this must look but I can assure you we have a perfectly logical explanation. 

**Thad:** Yeah! We’re cowards!

**Lizzy**: Thad- no.

-

**V:** Stay foxy. 

**J:** Die lonely.

-

**Lizzy, filling out legal paperwork:** Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB? 

**V:** Bold of you to assume I was born at all. 

**J:** I personally was created in a lab. 

**Uzi:** I just straight up spawned lol.

-

**V:** Sometimes I wonder if I’m hearing voices. 

**V:** Then I remember that’s the last bit of sanity I have trying to get me to fall asleep at a reasonable time.

-

**Lizzy:** *Pulls a glass of water from out of nowhere* 

**Doll:** Где ты достала это? (Where did you get that?)

**Lizzy:** My pocket. 

**Doll:** Как держать стакан воды в кармане? (How do you keep a glass of water in your pocket?)

**Lizzy:** Skills.

-

**Lizzy:** How are you today? 

**Doll:** Пожалуйста, не заставляй меня думать о своей жизни. (Please don’t make me think about my life.)

-

Here’s a bunch of shipping ones that I got:

-

**Uzi:** My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful, and organized. 

**N:** *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely* 

**Uzi:** That one. I want that one.

-

**Uzi:** Hey, J, are you free on Friday? Like around eight? 

**J:** uh. Yeah. why.

**Uzi:** And you, V? 

**V:** Umm... yes? 

**Uzi:** Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date! 

**V:** Did she just-

-

**N:** Are you ready to commit? 

**Uzi:** Like a crime or a relationship?

-

**N:** Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid. 

**Uzi:** You always act stupid. 

**Uzi:** 

**Uzi:** Wait...

-

**J:** Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash. 

**V:** Oh. We're going out? 

**J:** Wh...

-

**V:** I want to kiss you. 

**J, not paying attention:** What? 

**V:** I said if you die, I won't miss you.

-

**J:** Ugh, crushes are so dumb. 

**V:** I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting crazy. 

**J:** But you’re always acting crazy? 

**V:** ... 

**V:** Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

-

**Doll:** Кем ты хочешь быть на Хэллоуин? (What do you want to be for Halloween?)

**Lizzy:** Yours. 

**Doll:** …

**Doll:** …да, это было бы довольно страшно. (…yeah, that would be pretty scary.)

-

End of MAJOR shipping section

-

**Thad:** I was arrested for being too cool. 

**Lizzy:** The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

-

**J, when V walks in:** Oh, hey, I'm just storing oil. 

**J:** *“accidentally” smacks N in the face with a worker’s arm*

-

**N:** Anyone wanna play cards?

**J:**Sure, anyone have any poker chips?

**Uzi:** Plus four. 

**Thad:** Pikachu, I choose you

**V:** Go fish.

**N:** I meant rummy-

**Random worker drone:** It's gin rummy.

-

**Uzi:** We’ve got to find a way to cut down our expenses. What can we live without

**J:** N, probably.

-

**J:** I'm sorry please talk to me

**V:**

**J:** Hello? World’s most amazing drone? Sweet Pea? Company assigned partner?

**V:** Don't sweet pea me you stole my bubbles.

-

**J:** I'm not doing too well.

**V:** Are you okay?

**J:** I have this headache that comes and goes

**N:** *enters the room*

**J:** There it is again!

-

**J:** I CAN'T DO IT!

**V, laughing:** I CAN'T EITHER!

**J:** I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE

**N:** WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.

**J:**

**J:** I appreciate it,

**J:** BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-

**Doll:** J-

**J:** YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!

**Lizzy:** J we gotta-

**J:** YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.

**J:** YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'

**J, motioning to Uzi:** NOT FUCKING THIS

-

'Can I copy the homework?'

**N:** I can help you with it!

**Uzi:** Yeah, sure.

**V:** Bold of you to assume I did the homework.

**J:** lol nope.

**Lizzy:** We had homework?

**Doll:** *Read 5:55pm*

-

**J:** We need to distract these guys **V:** Leave it to me **V:** Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss. **Thad, Uzi, and Lizzy:** *Immediately begin arguing* **N, watching in horror:** Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.

-

**V:** Time for plan G. **J:** Don’t you mean plan B? **V:** No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties. **Uzi:** What about plan D? **V:** Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago. **N:** What about plan E? **V:** I’m hoping not to use it. J dies in plan E. **Uzi:** I like plan E.

-

**J:** If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous. **N:** What if it bites me and it dies!? **V:** Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, N, learn to listen. **Uzi:** What if it bites itself and I die? **N:** That’s voodoo. **Lizzy:** What if it bites me and someone else dies? **J:** That’s correlation, not causation. **Uzi:** What if we bite each other, and neither of us die? **V:** That’s kinky. **J:** Oh my God.

-

OILROSE SECTION because im running out of ideas and i love them a lot

**J:** Here's some advice

**V:** I didn't ask for any

**J:** Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me

-

**V:** *Stabs their leg with tail* FUCK!

**J:** Language!

**V:** What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”???

**J:**

**V:** You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

-

*J:* You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.

**V, drinking toast:** Why do you say that?

-

**V:** So are we flirting right now?

**J:** I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU??

**V:** That doesn’t answer my question.

-

**V:** Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.

**J:** You and me.

**V, tearing up:** Okay.

-

**V:** .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- (I’M SORRY)

**J:** What's that?

**V:** Remorse code.

**J:** I'm even angrier now.

-

**V:** Am I in trouble?

**J:** Take a guess.

**V:** No?

**J:** Take another guess.

-

**J, pointing:** May I sit there?

**V:** That's my lap

**J:** That doesn't answer my question, V.

-

**V:** English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

**J:** You need to stop.

-

**J:** *Walking in to a room* Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things.

*Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*

**V:** *Out of breath* THEY PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN’ STAIRS.

-

**J:** I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.

**V:** It’s not a joke.

**V:** *sniffles*

**V:** I’m a legit snack.

-

**J, addressing the squad:** And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.

**V:** But – that’s just a trash can.

**J:** It sure is!

-

**J:** Remember when we didn't try to solve all our problems with attempted murder?

**V:** Stop romanticizing the past.

-

**V:** I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives

**J:** I wake up at 4:30 AM

**V:**

**V:** I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives

-

**J:** V...

**V:** Oh no, 'V' in b-flat.

**V:** You're disappointed.

-

**J:** petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday

**V:** Wednesay

**J:** Not what I had in mind, but I'm flexible

-

**V:** You love me, right, J?

**J:** Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.

-

*J and V skipping stones on a (frozen) lake*

**J:** It’s such a nice night..

**V, whispering:** Take that you fucking lake

-

**J:** You're right.

**V:** That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

END OF OILROSE SECTION :’( it was getting a bit too long

-

**J:** Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

**N:** >:O language

**Lizzy:** Yeah watch your fucking language

**V:** OKAY WHO TAUGHT LIZZY THE FUCK WORD?

**Uzi:** 'The fuck word'.

**Thad:** Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

**Lizzy:** Oh my god they censored it

**Uzi:** Say fuck, Thad.

**Lizzy:** Do it, Thad. Say fuck.

-

**V:** Rules are made to be broken.

**N:** They were made to be followed.Nothing is made to be broken.

**Thad:** Uh, piñatas.

**J:** Glow sticks.

**Uzi:** Karate boards.

**Lizzy:** Spaghetti when you have a small pot.

**V:** Rules.

**N:**

-

*The squad's reaction to being told they're the chosen one*

**J:** I will not let you down.

**Thad:** Sounds fun.

**V:** K.

**Uzi:** No, I'm fucking not.

**Lizzy:** Do I have to be?

**N:** Please god, I am so tired.

-

**Lizzy:** What are you talking about N? You love it here! 

**N:** I'm not sure I do, I think I've just developed Stockholm syndrome.

-

**Lizzy:** See, the problem is, V, you’re playing 3D chess. I’m playing 4D. 

**V:** I’m playing checkers. I don’t know what the fuck you’re playing.

-

**V:** I’m so tired. 

**Uzi:** Did you get to bed late? 

**V:** No. 

**Uzi:** Did you do something strenuous? 

**V:** No. 

**Uzi:** Then why are you tired? 

**V:** I’m alive. 

**Uzi:** Sounds exhausting.

-

**V:** You know, when I first met you I thought you were a real bitch. 

**J:** What changed your mind? 

**V:** Oh, I still think you're a bitch. I've just grown to like that about you.

-

**V:** Are you busy? 

**J:** Yes. 

**V:** Cool, listen to this...

Somebody stop me im decending into oilrose again

-

 *V recording whilst Lizzy and Uzi are arguing* 

**Lizzy:** HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP!! HER SISTER WAS A WITCH, RIGHT? AND WHAT WAS HER SISTER? A PRINCESS! THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST, BRO! 

**V:** *wheezes like a tea kettle* 

**J, pulling out a knife:** I'm gonna stab them both.

**Lizzy:** YOU'RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT I'M WRONG? AM I WRONG? 

**Uzi:** It's my favorite movi- 

**Lizzy:** SHE WORE A CROWN AND SHE CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE, UZI! 

**Uzi:** I'm not fighting with you, I'm not fighting with y- 

**Lizzy:** GROW UP, BRO. GROW UP!

-

**J:** Ugh, there’s always that weak bitch in the group who isn’t down with murder. 

**J:** *glares at N* 

**N:** Well, sorry I have morals!

-

*The Squad's cooking skills* 

**Doll:** *master chef* 

**Lizzy:** *knows a few recipes* 

**Thad:** *can follow instructions on a box* 

**Uzi:** *made toast once* 

**N:** *banned from the kitchen*

-

**Lizzy:** Why are you on fire? 

**V:** This is just how my day is going.

-

*Lizzy and Thad are texting* 

**Lizzy:** Who are you? Someone changed the names in my phone. 

**Thad:** What did they change my name to? 

**Lizzy:** Chosen One. 

**Thad:** Don’t change it back. 

**Lizzy:** BUT WHO ARE YOU?!?! 

**Thad:** I’m the chosen one.

-

**Lizzy:** In my defense, I was left unsupervised. 

**N:** Wasn’t V with you? 

**V:** In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

-

**Uzi:** Go to hell! 

**J:** Oh! I’ve been there, thank you. I found it quite lovely.

**V, from far away:** Me too!

-

**Uzi:** Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count.

-

**Thad:** Valentines Day? I'm ready. *Sprays an entire can of AXE body spray on themselves*

-

**J:** If we don’t get out of this alive… If we’re both about to die… I love you, V!

*Neither of them dies*

**V:** …

**J:** …

**V:** So do you wanna talk about somethi-

**J:** No thank you.

-

**V:** J! I thought you were dead! 

**J:** No, just in deep cover. 

**V:** ...But it was an open casket. 

**J:** It was very deep.

-

**J:** V, I love you and all, but can I ask what in the hell are you doing? 

**Uzi, trying to stabilize a tower of folding chairs that V is sitting atop:** Oh nothing much. 

**V:** I love you too :)

-

**Uzi:** Don’t mansplain this to me! 

**J:** Wh- I’m a woman! I can't mansplain anything to you! 

**Uzi:** …Well, I’m a feminist, and I believe a woman can do anything a man does!

-

**Lizzy:** Who the fuck- 

**N:** Language! 

**Lizzy:** Whom the fuck- 

**N:** No.

-

**Uzi:** Is J always like this when she loses? 

**V:** Oh, yes. You should've been there for the Great Jenga Tantrum of (year). 

**J:** YOU BUMPED THAT TABLE AND WE ALL KNOW IT.

-

**N, in a high voice, holding Barbie:** Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career! 

**Uzi, in a deep voice, holding Ken:** Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids. 

**V:** What the fuck are you guys doing? 

**Uzi:** Playing systemic oppression.

-

**J:** Smart is attractive. Educate me on something I don't know! 

**V:** The mouth of a jellyfish is also an an*s. 

**J:** Stop.

-

**Lizzy:** ARE YOU- 

**Uzi:** Fucking. 

**Lizzy:** KIDDING ME?! YOU- 

**Uzi:** Fucking. 

**Lizzy:** IDIOT! 

**Thad:** …What was that? 

**Uzi:** V banned Lizzy from swearing, so I’m helping her out.

-

**Uzi:** I hate you with every inch of my body! 

**J:** That’s not a lot of inches.

-

**Lizzy:** You think you're smarter than everyone else. 

**J:** I don't think I'm smarter than everyone else. I know I am.

-

**V:** I think I should be allowed on ghost hunter tv shows. 

**Uzi:** I think that would be dangerous for the ghosts.

-

**Tessa:** Its hard to resist, I'm really sorry- I mean, considering your approach so far, you had us tied here for- what? Hours? And you haven’t even had us confirm what exactly we are! 

**Cyn:** What are you then? 

**Tessa:** I'm a Virgo! -fucking dies-

-

**Lizzy:** She's the girl of my dreams! 

**Thad:** You say every girl is the girl of your dreams. 

**Lizzy:** I have a lot of dreams.

-

**J:** Why am I the bad guy? 

**V:** I don't know, why am I the hot one? We all have our thing.

-

**N:** Do you always have to attack me with your words? 

**J:** Would you prefer me to use a brick?

-

**Thad:** Happy Scorpio season. If you have to burn a bridge, do it safely! 

**J:** With NAPALM.

-

**J:** Hey, wanna go hunt with me? 

**V:** You have a gun in your hand. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shoot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy.

-

**J:** The waiter at Olive Garden has been grating my cheese for 6 hours now, waiting for me to say when. Customers are screaming. Three people have died. 

**J:** I will not yield.

-

**Thad:** What’s it like being tall? 

**Uzi:** Is it nice? 

**Lizzy:** Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards? 

**N:** We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want.

-

**V, trying to comfort J:** What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.

-

**V:** I want to be like a caterpillar. 

**Uzi:** Explain. 

**V:** Eat a lot, sleep for a while, wake up beautiful. 

**N:** You know they have a lifespan of a week, right? 

**V:** 

**J:** That's just another highlight!

-

**Doll:** Выйди из моей комнаты (Get out of my room)

**V, standing in the doorway:** I’m not in your room.

-

**J:** You know, sometimes I really think I can be too straight. 

**V, covered in bi merch and sipping an iced oil:** Sucks to be you.

-

**J:** I don't know, it's not my cup of oil. 

**V:** Well then whose is it? 

**J, staring at a cup of oil:** I don't know!

-

**Doll:** Бро, мне приснилось, что мы поцеловал. (Bro, I had a dream we kissed.) 

**Lizzy:** Bro, relax it was just a dream. 

**Doll:** Ха, гей, я бы тебя не целовать. (Huh, gay, I wouldn’t kiss you.)

**Lizzy:** You wouldn’t? 

**Doll:** Я имею в виду, если ты не хочешь… (I mean, unless you want to-)

-

**Uzi:** This can’t get any worse. Can it? 

**J:** Sure it can - just give me a minute.

-

**Uzi:** Ew. What kind of tea is this? 

**J:** I boiled oil.

-

**V:** Guys, my friend here is bilingual. 

**J:** Yes. 

**V:** Which means they like both boys and girls. 

**J:** Ye- wait, what- 

**Uzi:** V, that's not what bilingual means- 

**V:** Shhh, it's okay J. I still love you, girl. 

**N and Uzi:** ... 

**V:** Full homo.

-

**Thad:** Hey do you wanna hang out this weekend? 

**Lizzy:** Generic excuse. 

**Thad:** I can’t believe you said that out loud, to my face. 

**Lizzy:** I can.

-

**N:** Aren’t you going to say “have a nice day?” 

**J:** I don’t care if you have a pulse, much less a nice day.

-

**V:** Truth or dare? 

**Lizzy:** Dare. 

**V:** I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room. 

**Lizzy:** Hey Uzi? 

**Uzi:** Yeah? 

**Lizzy:** Can you move? I'm trying to get to Doll.

-

OILROSE SECTION (again) im running out of ideas and i love them a lot

**J:** Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt. 

**V:** Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

-

**V:** Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl. 

**J:** Okay. 

**V:** And make out during the scary parts. 

**J:** Th- 

**J:** The scary parts. 

 **J:** Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

-

**V:** I was going to suggest we do Marilyn Monroe and JFK roleplay, but I’d get way too into it. 

**J:** What- how? 

**V:** You’d be like “come with me to hunt… Mrs. President” and I’d be like, “I need to increase the amount of American military advisors in South Vietnam by a factor of 18.”

-

**J:** *angrily presses V against a wall* WHERE'S MY JCJENSON PENS?! 

**V:** ... 

**V:** Are we about to kiss-

-

**J:** Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, V! 

**V:** You can’t expect me to look into your eyes and be straight.

-

**V:** I love you. 

**J, not paying attention:** What was that? 

**V:** I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

-

**V:** You look good in that hoodie. 

**J:** You know where else I'd look good? 

**V, zero hesitation, without thinking:** My bed. 

**J, at the same time:** By your side- wait, what?

-

**V, throwing their head into J's lap:** Tell me I'm pretty! 

**J, lovingly stroking their hair:** You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

-

**J:** Do you love me? 

**V:** We’re literally married. 

**J:** Yeah, but as friends or—

-

**J:** That was so hot, V. 

**V:** I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenerate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets. 

**J:** I'm so in love with you.

-

**V:** You got a date yet J? 

**J:** No... 

**V:** Well you do now! Get your ass up and hold my hand!

-

**V:** *seductively takes off glasses* 

**V:** Wow... 

**J:** *blushes* Haha... what? 

**V:** You're really fucking blurry.

-

**J:** Okay, but if your not gay then why are you always holding my hand and kissing me and telling me I’m your girlfriend? 

**V:** Dude- Its satire! 

**J:** THAT'S NOT WHAT SATIRE MEANS!

-

**V:** Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers? 

**J:** Peonies, why? 

**V:** 

**J:** Were you going to get me flowers? 

**V:** 

**J:** 

**V:** ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

-

**J:** BE A BETTER PERSON! 

**V:** WHY?! 

**J:** BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAVE MORALS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, AND IT SURE AS FUCK AIN'T GONNA BE ME, SWEETHEART!

-

**V, to J:** We had a date! 

**V:** *aggressively points to Hello Kitty Coloring Book*

-

**V arguing with J:** HOW DO I LOVE YOU?

**J:** NO BUT YOU HA-... you- love me?

-

**J:** Goodnight to the love of my life, V, and fuck the rest of y'all.

-

**V:** If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.

END OF OILROSE SECTION :’( it was getting a bit too long

**N:** If you got arrested what would be the charges? 

**Lizzy:** Theft. 

**Thad:** Disturbing the peace. 

**Uzi:** Aggravated assault. 

**J:** Arson. 

**V:** All of the above. In that order, probably.

-

**V:** I hate taking off my glasses, because without them, my vision goes from Full HD all the way down to buffering at 240p and I just can't handle that.

-

*V and J playing Minecraft* 

**V:** Oh no, oh no, oh no- 

**J:** What’s wrong? 

**V:** I did a thing. 

**J:** *You regret the thing you dID-* 

**V:** *screams* 

**J:** What the fuck did you do- *sees mass of aggravated Piglin* Damn it- 

**V:** *screams again*

-

**J:** If a demon possessed me, I’d just be like, “Okay, take it from here, good luck man.”

-

**Lizzy:** Ooh, I like your accent, where you from? 

**Random Drone:** I am Liberian. 

**Lizzy:** Oh, my bad. 

**Lizzy, whispering:** I like your accent, where you from?

-

**V:** Pfft, you should meet J, they're such a tsundere. 

**Lizzy:** They... they just stabbed you. 

**V:** So cute.

-

**N:** I think Uzi is in trouble. 

**V:** Alright. Struggling to give a fuck, if I’m honest.

-

**V:** I am going to cry. I’m going to cry until I can no longer physically cry anymore because all the oil in my body is gone and I die from overheating. 

**N:** Are you okay? 

**J:** Did you actually just ask them that?  Like, you need that to be answered otherwise you won’t know?

-

*in a group chat* 

**V:** First one to reply is gat. 

**V:** *gay 

**V:** Wait...

-

**V, day-dreaming:** When I see initials carved into a tree with a heart I think it’s so romantic. Two lovers on a date... one of them carrying a knife for some reason.

-

**N:** You don't know anything about me! 

**J:** I know EVERYTHING about you! You are an open book written for very dumb children!

-

**V:** *casually taking four stairs at a time* 

**Uzi, falling behind, taking two stairs at a time:** Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fu-

-

**Doll:** Эй, Лиззи, я нашел паука. Крутой пацан. Спасибо, что ели комаров. (Hey Lizzy, I found a spider. Cool little lad. Thanks for eating the mosquitos.)

**Doll:** О нет, куда это пропало? (Oh no, where did it go?)

**Lizzy:** DOLL WHAT THE FUCK?!

-

**V:** If you kill me, my teeth only have a 2% drop rate. 

**J:** What? 

**V:** Good luck.

-

**J:** Stressed. 

**V:** Depressed. 

**Uzi:** Possessed. 

**Doll:** Одержимый. (Obsessed.)

**Thad:** Impressed. 

**N:** Chicken breast. 

**Everyone:** ...What? 

**N:** I just wanted to join in.

-

**Uzi:** Do you take constructive criticism? 

**J:** No, only cash or credit.

-

**N:** So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon? 

**V:** We're chopsticks! 

**N:** Well... that's cute! 

**N:** Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly? 

**J:** No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

-

**N:** My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco. 

**Thad:** My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy. 

**Uzi:** My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance. 

**Lizzy:** My life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.

-

**Uzi:** What's wrong with you? 

**J:** Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.

-

**Uzi:** Wait, if baby oil dissolves condoms, what does it do to babies? 

**V:** Believe it or not, babies and condoms are made of different materials. 

**N:** It’s like rock paper scissors. Baby oil defeats condom, baby defeats baby oil, condom defeats baby. 

**J:** Rock also defeats baby.

-

**Doll:** Я от природы смешной, потому что моя жизнь — это шутка. (I'm naturally funny because my life is a joke.)

-

**J, making coffee:** This is going to fix everything.

-

**V:** You know, Uzi, you are the sun in my life. 

**Uzi:** Why? Cause I'm smoking hot? 

**V:** Because it hurts my eyes looking at you.

-

**V:** I’m never donating oil ever again. 

**V:** The second you walk through the door, it’s just one invasive question after another! 

**V:** ‘Where did you get it?’ 'Why is it in a bucket?’ I mean, do you want it or not?

-

**Tessa:** If we lose, you’re out of the will. 

**V:** I was in the will?

-

**V:** How does one turn their emotions off? 

**Uzi:** Okay, so first go to settings. 

**Uzi:** I'm a fucking idiot, I thought that said emojis at first. 

**V:** No, I'm still willing to try this, go ahead. I'm at settings, what do I do next?

-

**Lizzy:** Okay, two person huddle. 

**Doll:** Невозможно ютиться вдвоём. Это просто объятия. (You can't huddle with two people. This is just a hug.)

-

**V:** Bye J! Bye Uzi! Bye Lizzy! Bye N! Bye J! 

**Uzi:** You said ‘bye J’ twice. 

**V:** I like J.

-

*The gang responding to being stabbed by a sword* 

**V:** Rude. 

**J:** That's fair. 

**Uzi:** Not again. 

**Lizzy:** Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it?

-

**V:** Sometimes I get so caught up on being gay that I forget I’m actually bi.

-

**V:** I'm so tough, I'm on alert even when there's no danger!

**J:** V, that's PTSD.

-

**V:** Well please don’t let J do anything stupid… 

**Uzi:** Stupid by my standards or yours? 

**V:** 

**V:** Stupid by my mother’s standards. 

**Uzi:** Smart. J will live longer.

-

**J:** There are no friends when playing board games. I am here to win.

-

**V:** I came out here to attack people and I'm honestly having such a good time right now.

-

*The Squad is gathered in the living room for a meeting* 

**V:** *walks in and sits on J’s lap* 

**The Squad:** … 

**N:** Why are you sitting there? 

**V:** There were no free seats

**Uzi:** But we made sure there was enough room for- 

**J:** *hugs V tightly* There are no free seats.

-

**V, trying to impress J:** I re-initialized the entire command structure, retaining all programmed abilities but deleting the supplementary preference architecture. 

**N:** They turned it off and back on again!

-

**J:** Remember, when burying a body, make sure to cover it with endangered plants so it’s illegal to dig up! 

**J:** Make sure to follow me for more gardening tips!

-

**Lizzy:** Truth or dare? 

**V:** Truth! 

**Lizzy:** Do you- 

**J:** I dare you to kiss me. 

**V:** *kisses J* 

**Lizzy, to Uzi:** They said “truth”, right?

-

Squad reactions to being called straight: 

**V:** The fuck, no I'm not. 

**J:** Excuse the hell out of you? 

**Lizzy:** Ding dong, you are wrong! 

**Thad:** Who told you that? And why did they lie? For i am bi.

**N:** What? 

**Doll:** *punches the person*

-

**Uzi:** At first I thought you were foolish and incompetent. 

**N:** My apologies for whatever misstep I may have taken to dispel that impression. It was an honest mistake, I swear.

-

**Doll:** You’re a horrible person! 

**V:** Maybe. But I’m rich and I’m pretty, so it doesn’t really matter.

-

**N:** Don't go to the pod. 

**V:** Why? 

**N:** I saw a spider. 

**V:** Well, did you kill it? 

**N:** It has 8 arms and I only have 2, it's not fair...

-

**V:** My life isn't as glamourous as my wanted poster makes it look.

-

[maxsimagination]

𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 - 𝗸.𝗰𝗼𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘆-𝗰𝗿𝗼𝘀𝘀

summary: kyra and yn both like each other and only start to make loves after charli becomes a pest.

𖦹 masterlist

"𝗦𝗢 𝗪𝗛𝗘𝗡 𝗔𝗥𝗘 you and kyra gonna start dating?"

i was caught completely off guard at that statement by charli. "huh?" all the eloquence left my body when i responded. "you and kyra. we all see it. you two make heart eyes behind the others' back all the time."

i could feel the blush creep onto my cheeks and around the nape of my neck. "i don't know what you're on about." it came out as a mumble but charli heard me.

"yn i can see you blushing. can you just ask her out already? the amount of times i've had to listen to her harp on about you is giving me headaches." i didn't know what to say to that either. "she talks about me?" charli looked dumbfounded that i picked up that piece of information out of everything else.

"yes, now can you please go and kiss her to shut her up?"

"you first. i'm not kissing anybody." it was then that kyra herself came over to join us, and had caught the last bit of what i had said. "who's kissing who?" "nothing, no one." i immediately shut it down and charli couldn't seem to find anything funnier. "so i'm gonna go now.." charli started to walk off.

"charlotte layne grant!" my voice held a warning for her that she knew she cop later. she didn't seem to care tho and ran off with a cheeky grin on her face.

me and kyra were left there, the latter not knowing what was going on. "what the fuck?" kyra whispered out at what had just occurred in front of her. "charli likes to screw around with us." i attempted to explain to my best friend of 5 years. a grin broke out on her face as she understood what i was trying to say.

"you got that right. wanna go to lunch with me?" i agreed happily and we headed for her car. what we didn't know was that charli had recruited katrina and they were both watching us from afar.

we went out to a local cafe and i took a seat at a table while kyra went up to order for the both of us; we did this together that often that she knew what i liked off by heart. she came to sit back down and the food followed soon after. we couldn't eat too much because we had training later on in the day.

it was a comfortable silence when we ate, and small talk about anything and everything when we weren't. i just felt so comfortable around her, she was the one thing in my life that i would sacrifice everything for, even my career.

we were in the middle of talking about something we'd both seen on the media, i had pulled out my phone to show kyra, and i saw her looking at me in the corner of my eye. as charli would have put it, she was making 'heart eyes' at me.

i thought back to the conversation i had with the young blonde earlier and her words echoed in my head. 'we all see it.' and 'you both make heart eyes at each other when the other isn't looking.' it got me thinking that maybe i should take that next step, maybe i should take a risk and ask her out.

my anxiety pulled my mind back down to reality, reminding myself of what could happen if she in fact didn't like me like that. everything would be ruined, the team dynamic and the bond we have going for over 5 years. and everyone would know. that's the last thing i needed. i looked back up to kyra who had just finished her food while i, on the other hand, was only halfway due to my daydreaming about the girl sitting opposite me.

"whatcha thinking about?" you. "oh nothing. just got distracted by something outside." i lied through my teeth to her face, i couldn't tell her now. i needed to at least get through training. then if she hated me i could pack up and move to england again.

we finished up, more like i finished while kyra waited patiently, then paid for the food and went back to the hotel the matilda's were staying in. i didn't even bother to go to my room, it was always one of us in the others room and this time it was my turn.

i flopped on her bed, starfishing in the middle, and taking up all the space. "yn move, i wanna lie down too." i shuffled over and held my arms out for her to fall into. she did just that, falling down onto me face first. we stayed like that for god knows how long before i checked the time and had a mini heart attack that we would be late. "i don't wanna leave."

"if we don't go, tony will skin us and drop us off the team." my tone was serious but my face betrayed how i felt.

with a groan she got off me and i grabbed my phone to go get changed in my room. "i'll come back to get you." i called out behind me and closed the door. as soon as i got into my own room i grabbed the first pair of any training gear i saw, changed the quickest i've ever changed and headed back to kyra's room.

it had only been 5 minutes, tops, so i knocked before hearing a barley audible 'come in!' and opening the door. kyra poked her head out from the bathroom and grinned at me. "geez, your quick. that desperate to get back to me, huh?"

i rolled my eyes at her antics, "you wish, ky." i shot back at her. "hurry up, let's go." she yelled back saying she was coming then ran back out to get her shoes on. we left to head down to the field where training was held. when we walked in together, both katrina and charli raised their eyebrows at me in a teasing manner.

i just flipped them off discreetly, trying not to catch kyra's attention.

——

we had just finished doing the last lap tony had ordered and i flopped onto the ground. the other girls were walking around, everyone was sweating their asses off and some had gone to the changing rooms already. kyra came over and stood above me with a sweaty grin.

“are you dead yet?"

"shut up, ky."

i managed to get out. she held her hands out for me to take and i did. when she pulled me up i came face to face, only an inch away from her. our hands had instinctively gone to my waist and her neck.

my eyes flicked down to her lips then back up to her eyes, just in time to see her doing the same to me. i thought back to charli and decided fuck it. "ky, do you wanna be my girlfriend?" it was silent for a second then kyra broke it and kissed me. i reacted instantly, kissing back and pulling her tighter against me.

she did the same with her arms around my waist, one of her hands trailing down to my ass, just resting there. we pulled apart and breathed heavily before i spoke up.

"so i'll take that as a yes?" before she could respond there was a shout from across the field. "finally!" it was katrina and charli, the latter being the one that yelled. "i knew you could do it yn!" while katrina just stood their smirking, even throwing out a wolf whistle. i shook my head at the two and turned back to kyra.

we grinned at each other and i whispered,

"finally."

[hearts4golbach]

The Night Shift.

Johnnie Guilbert x Fem!Reader.

Chapter 23.

"Is that taco bell breakfast i smell?" jake said, sounding as if he was about to start floating to locate the smell. he turned the corner into the kitchen, where i was sitting with tara.

it was 7 in the morning, and the 4 of us were about to go finally pack up my old apartment. they insisted on helping despite me saying i could get it all done myself since i didn't own much anyway.

"Yes, jake." she rolled her eyes, tossing him his usual order. he squeeled like a little girl before tearing into the wrap.

"im gonna go get johnnie up." i walked down the hall towards our room and walked in silently.

johnnie laid on the bed with a peaceful look on his face. his arms were tucked awkwardly under his head as his legs were tangled in the blankets.

i gently shook his shoulder, placing a kiss on his forehead. "Good morning, sleepy head. we have breakfast."

he rubbed his eye, black eyeshadow transferring to his finger. "mornin'." he pulled me in, kissing me softly before sitting up. "When you were asleep, i organized the closet. you can fit your clothes in half of it now."

"Oh my god, really?" i furrowed my eyebrows, a small smile growing on my face.

"i mean, yeah. where else are you going to put your clothes?" he slipped on his socks and stood up.

his fingers tangled with mine as he led me back into the kitchen and sat down next to me. he rested his hand right above my knee as Jake immediately started a conversation with them. i passed johnnie his breakfast, and he dug in, clearly starving.

jake looked down at his phone, "what time do you think we'll be done?"

"Well, im not too sure. i mean, theres 5 of us packing up my tiny apartment, so it's probably around noon." i thought outloud, earning a 'hm' from jake.

everyone had finished their food. jake and tara went to get their shoes on and start the car while johnnie went to take off his makeup. i sat in the kitchen on my phone, waiting for johnnie to be done.

"Ready to go?" he asked, his clean face making me smile. it wasn't often i got to see him without makeup.

"mhm." i stood up and stretched. i put my hair into a messy bun to get it out of the way before walking out the door, johnnie not far behind me. "Thank you again for helping with all of this."

"Don't thank me." he hesitated as if he was going to add onto the sentence. he gently rubbed my lower back.

i hummed, "Okay, then."

Johnnie and i sat in the back of jakes car while him and Tara were up front. I zoned out. thinking about my old apartment made me nervous. although i wasn't going alone, something still felt off. after the incident and how easily i got imhured, i didn't want the same to happen to them. Or maybe it was the fact that my creepy old neighbor lent me a piece to a vaccum, and i still need to give it back, but i seriously doubted that was the reason. i decided to shove my paranoia down as i didn't want to let it ruin my day.

it was if i had blinked and we were already there. i picked my head up, rubbing the cheek that was leaning on my arm.

"i was room number 206," i commented, pulling the keys out of my pocket.

"i can't believe theres not a fucking elevator. This bitch has 5 stories." Jake complained as we tromped up the stairs.

"Just be glad she's not on the 5th one," tara wiped smudged lip gloss off the corner of her mouth.

"Exactly," johnnie nods, slightly out of breath.

i unlocked my front door and pushed it open, revealing my still messy apartment. "Oh, i never came back to clean up." i admitted, even though it was plain to see.

"dont worry about it, missy." jake teased in his southern accent.

tara and jake covered the kitchen while johnnie and i started in the living room. we all added songs to the spotify queue and got to work. i was smart enough to keep boxes stored in my closet. There was always a just in case thing. The living room was nearly empty, the only furniture consisting of a rug and a small sofa that i planned on putting by the trash for someone else to take. i didn't have much decoration, either. All that i had was a painting, my mother had made me and a thrifted portrait of marilyn monroe. The only other things on the wall were some empty colorful vases on a small shelf.

we quickly wrapped those up while tara and jake stacked all of my plates and bowls in between wash cloths. I announced we were moving to a different room before heading into the hall to focus on the closet.

The closet didn't take much work. We shoved blankets and towels into one big box before moving on to my bedroom.

my room was a much bigger task, considering this was the room i spent most of my time in. i sat at my vanity and began packing it up while Johnnie took over the closet.

"i want to stream later, and i was wondering if you wanted to be on it." Johnnie mentioned, bagging up clothes that were hung up.

"Sure, that sounds fun. im still kind of nervous though, what if your fans don't like me?" i glanced over.

"They'll love you, i promise." he smiled at me. "i was thinking i could do your makeup for the stream."

"fuck yeah." i agreed, standing up and making my way to my side table. "Didn't we make those plans a while ago?"

"Yeah, but then a bunch of shit happened. and i figured since we're together now, everyone should get to know you a little better." A light blush spread across his face.

"Good idea. im down," i agreed.

The rest of the house was packed up within the next 3 hours. Jake and i moved all of the furniture down to the garbage bins, with little help from tara and johnnie. i took one last look at my empty apartment before locking it up and turning in my keys.

[candaru]

just gonna ramble about some Ultrakill/Portal crossover thoughts don't mind me

(considering The End of All Known Land canon for these thoughts, i.e. a world where Gabriel and V1 are the only ones to get out of Hell)

Chell hates robots with all her soul and would try to fucking annihilate V1 if she thought they posed even a sliver of a threat but V1 would be so fucking excited at the prospect of another human. like obviously if they were still in a situation where they needed blood, they'd kill her without a second thought, but now? they're just FASCINATED by the question of "how did a human SURVIVE" and they want to know everything

V1 inner monologue: oh boy a new sparring partner!!! wow they have a cool new kind of gun I've never seen before!! that would've been soooo helpful back in hell. I wonder if that's how they escaped? and they're quiet just like me! I wonder if their organic voicebox is broken? or do they just not have one? can humans not have one?

GLaDOS would fucking despise Gabriel because he's sooooo full of himself. She doesn't even need to hear him say anything robot-racist, She's already decided She hates him and wants him dead. an "angel?" yeah, right. sounds just like another human ripe for the picking. let's see how high-and-mighty you are when you're in my TESTING DOMAIN! DO MY PUZZLES, BOY!!!

Gabriel is like wow this robot is stuck up and has some serious issues but also I am uncomfortable with how much of myself I see reflected in her. hmmmm. yeah I'll try your puzzle, tell me more about your deep-seated hatred of organics and particularly this one that keeps ruining the facility you run and is the only one to ever beat you in a fight. mhm. yeah so quick question have you ever thought about trying to fuck—

(EXPLOSION AND GUNFIRE)

meanwhile if Chell ever met Gabriel on the surface it'd make for such a good tense encounter. bc she is hiding behind a tree in full fight-or-flight mode wondering "how did another human SURVIVE" and also second question "how did they get such sickass wings and where can I get a pair?"

and then Gabriel noticing her would ALSO send him into fight-or-flight mode but only for a moment because of the pure shock of, again, "HOW DID A HUMAN SURVIVE" before curiosity completely overtakes him and he tries to talk to her. trying to get her to talk and not attack or run is like trying to coax a wild injured animal out of a hiding spot. but he eventually manages to earn the barest, most minimal amount of trust by setting down all his weapons and leaving offerings of food in front of her.

...this gets harder when she sees Gabriel and V1 together and registers that they're allies. she's unsure if they're plotting against her or if V1 is manipulating Gabriel. eventually she leans towards the latter and thinks her fears are confirmed when she witnesses them drawing Gabriel's blood while he's sleeping.

she tries to communicate this to him by drawing crude pictures on the ground and is VERY FRUSTRATED when he's like "omg can you not talk? that's ok!! V1 also can't talk but we make it work, they're really incredibly kind and patient and—"

Chell, internally: I AM GOING TO KILL THAT FUCKING ROBOT AND SAVE YOU

I think it would be funny for V1 to try and go urban exploring in Aperture. GLaDOS is initially all excited because a new testing robot literally fell right into Her clutches but then V1 proceeds to be the most stubborn, impudent, tenacious piece of shit and they remind her WAY TOO MUCH OF CHELL so now She's trying to kill them but they have ACTUAL FUCKING GUNS and Aperture is being destroyed in the wake of their battle

meanwhile V1 has decided they don't like this robot but also She makes fun tests. so they do puzzles until they get bored and then they blast holes through the wall and try to kill Her

something something Ultrakill is just Portal for NBs (everyone knows Portal is for women) and I'm so fascinated by the similar dynamics of the toxic yuri/toxic yaoi robot-and-human pairs. and I think they would mostly hate each other and I love that for them.

(also something something GLaDOS is too far gone, too corrupted in Her immortality, and too deep in denial for any possible healthy ending with Chell—it's just not possible. so seeing Gabriel and V1 in a healthy and loving relationship would make Her SO FUCKING MAD for reasons She can't articulate)

[hutchersonsgurl]

We're just friends - Clapton Davis Part 1

Paring x fem reader and Clapton Davis

Warnings:, pre-established relationship, SMUT. characters are 18+ and MINORS DNI. This contains depictions of fingering, oral (m receiving). (No use YN)

Summary: You and Clapton have been dating secretly because you were the school nerd, and Clapton didn't want to ruin his "cool" status. But you have had enough of being a secret girlfriend so you changed your image.

Noah's POV:

It was a bright and sunny morning, and the birds chirped happily outside my window I smashed the pillow into my head not wanting to get up not wanting to deal with school today who wants to spend their 18th birthday in school all day? not me but I have to look at my phone and see that I got a text message from the school's mean girl Brooke it said "Check your email you'll want to see this I put down my phone I walk over to my desk and click on the link on the email thinking it was some dumb video she sends everyone making out with her boyfriend but no this was way worse as I press the video I see Clapton and Brooke sitting together at the party last night in the video Brooke " since your little girlfriend isn't here tonight how about we send her a video" she says with an evil smile "wait what? Noah and aren't dating but we all know she has a huge crush on me but I'd never date a loser like her, I mean come on I'm Clapton and she's the biggest nerd in our school" He says

I feel tears well up in my eyes as I realize the boy who I've been dating in secret for over a year now who told me we'd go public tonight doesn't give a damn about me he cares about his popularity more than me.

I pick up my phone and start to call Jade the phone starts ringing and I hear a pickup

"Hey what's up?" she asks

I couldn't help it I just started crying

"wait hold up did Clapton's dumbass do something? I swear to god if he did I'll beat some ass" she says

"he called me a loser in front of everyone..." I say in between sobs

I explained everything that has happened up to now to Jade and she's pissed off

"Okay so don't bother getting ready for school," Jade says

"why?" I asked

"because it's time for a makeover bitch meet at the mall in 20," she says and hangs up

20 mins later

I met Jade at the salon and it feels like hours at this point but after 2 hours I turn around to see myself in the mirror my hair is straight and dark Black and My makeup is smoky black eyes and nude lipstick

" Holy shit I can't even recognize myself, " I say in shock

" Nah I still only see you your outer bitch is on the outside," now come on I'll pay since it's your birthday girl, and let's go tonight cute dress for tonight," Jade says paying and then dragging me to the clothing store we go into a chic boutique that always had stylish and unique pieces I try on a few dresses and really don't like them until Jade comes in with the most beautiful black dress on I try it on and I love the way it hugs my curves and I spin around in it and take a few pictures in this dress after I take a few pics I get a bunch of text messages from Clapton

TEXT MESSAGES

Clapton: babe where r u?

Clapton: u missed the first period is everything okay?

Clapton: fuck I heard you saw the video I didn't mean any of it u know I love u please talk to me

Clapton: Baby please answer me

Clapton: I'll see you at your party tonight and we'll talk then

I exit out of the text messages and put my phone in my purse and get dressed Jade and I walk up to buy the dress and we walk out of the store

"you know Clapton is going to eat his heart out tonight and speaking of eating let's go get something to eat," Jade says as she drags me to the ice cream shop

we walk up to the counter and we see a really cute guy at the counter

"hey, what can I get you guys today?' Gabriel asks

" I'll have a hot fudge sundae and she'll have an Oreo frosty" I answered

"Hey, I know you your the new kid Gabriel what are you doing here shouldn't you be at school?" Jade questions

"I could ask you two the same thing" he responds with a chuckle

I notice that he's tall and tan and has beautiful black curls in his hair

"Are you doing anything tonight? because if not it's my birthday today and you should come tonight" I asked

" uh yeah sure cool I'll be there see you soon" Gabriel answers

we pay and we leave heading back to my house

as we got to my house I could see my mom putting up decorations for the party

"Hi, honey how was school today?" Mom asked

"oh actually didn't go...." I answer waiting for a yelling

" you are so lucky today is your birthday young lady we will continue this talk tomorrow" Mom replies

part 2 coming sooon

Not edited will fix soon

[ka0ila]

| Smoke Break

warnings - depression, smoking, angst, hurt, argument, sensitive topics, suicide attempt(lmk if theres more)

summary - you and seungmin had a messy argument, you thought you’d just take a small smoke break, but was it just a smoke break?

pairing - roommate!seungmin x depressed!reader

• m.list

© Ka0ila 2023 — all rights reserved. i do not allow translations, or any kind of distribution on other platforms. this is my only account.

i tried. i really, really tried.

i really tried to be better, not for me but for him.

i really tried believing everything will be merry if i just worked hard, i did.

but i’m breaking, breaking down pieces by pieces each day, hurting everyone around me, looking at all the disappointed faces.

i really tried, really tried be someone he’d want.

someone mature, successful, peaceful to be with.

but me? i’m depressed, struggling, and draining to be with.

he left 5 days ago for his business trip to Paris, leaving the house to me. i came back from work the day before he’s gonna arrive and find a messy apartment to myself. i sigh keeping my bag putting my hands on my face huffing.

i need to clean this, i can’t give him more reasons to hate me.

i had really fallen in love, but i know if i ever end up having him, i’ll completely ruin him. i can’t have anyone stay, i have no promises to make, i can’t even promise myself.

i pick up the pair of socks on the ground, followed by my old shirt and slowly steadily started cleaning the place.

i never really smoke at him, i don’t want him to know i smoke, it’s disgusting, but i’m so into it i can’t get out. a small smoke break won’t hurt? right?

i made my way to the balcony, mesmerised by the beauty of the skyscrapers and apartments. i always found myself coming back to new york. always. for some reason i always end up here, and i don’t hate it. i love this city truly, but i hate the memories attached to it. looking at a couple walking down the road i take a puff.

A second one wouldn’t hurt right? second became third, third became fourth, fourth became fifth, there was nothing to stop me, nobody to care for, no fear to get caught, then why stop?

“(y/n)?” i flinched, seungmin? but he wasn’t coming till tomorrow?

i hurriedly throw my cigarette out,

“seungmin? you’re early.” i try to act normal as a puff came out of my mouth.

“you’re smoking?” he frowned, it felt as if he was taunting. i didn’t say anything, words betrayed me, i stood there still.

“do whatever but not in my apartment.” he said scoffing. why was he being so mean? oh so he didn’t care at all? his apartment?

it hurt my ego, and i let it get the best of me.

“your apartment seungmin? where you are rarely in? sure. I will smoke wherever i want seungmin” i mock. he was staring at me, disappointed?

“i have work (y/n) , not like you— fuck why am i even arguing with you? you’re just an useless roommate who can’t keep the apartment clean for 5 fucking days or have the decency to not smoke in the apartment.” he leaves.

i stare, stare and stare blanky. i freeze at his words, but i was really trying, i really was. i stood still, processing.

i felt something on my hand, water? was i crying?

i slowly walk towards my room’s bathroom, a cold shower bath would really help right now.

as i was laying in the bathtub, i go down and down, slowly, and i didn’t protest, i let it happen, i look at the ceiling, did i really want this? to live like this? fake hopes? pain? temporary happiness?

i said alot to her, i couldve handled it differently, fuck. i heard her open her room’s door, i saw her walk into the bathroom through the door creak. i should probably give her some space, fuck i felt guilty. i knew she wasn’t doing good lately and used it against her? thats not who i am i wanted to look upto me, to be safe with me.

time passed, i was growing anxious, was isn’t she coming out? it’s been 45 minutes, it’s worrying me. she always took quick baths, why is she still there. something inside me, an instinct, a voice forced me to go into the bathroom, it told me something’s wrong, i knew it.

“(y/n)? (Y/N)” she was deep inside the water, eyes closed, fuck fuck, hearing my voice she got up gasping for air.

she tried.. drowning herself?

“what the fuck are you doing?” i put my hand on her back to support her get up, she was crying, her eyes were red,

“i swear it wasn’t intentional i couldn’t.. i couldn’t stop it seungmin, i swear please” she was holding my hands, begging, whimpering and crying,

my eyes fall on her dark circles, then her sad eyes, then her dry lips, she lost weight? how did i never notice?

“it’s okay, it’s okay i’m here baby, it’s okay”

i pat her head slowly taking her in my embrace, kissing her forehead time to time, “it’s okay, i’m not mad, i know you didn’t mean it, you’ll be okay”

“let’s get you out of here, hm? let’s get you on the bed”

she looked so tired, so weak.

i pick her up and lay her down on her bed, dressing her up in fresh clothes. I lay beside her, gently caressing her forehead and hair, looking at her sleeping face. i place a small kiss on her nose,

“i love you seungmin” she mumbled in her sleep as she nuzzles into my neck,

“i’ve always loved you (y/n)” i said as i rest my chin on top of her head, soothing her hair.

posted after a while haha, felt like writing, getting it out lol, sort of a rant—? hehe.

likes & reposts are appreciated <33

[susandsnell]

For the character ask game 4; 8; 21 for Daniel Molloy and 10; 20 for Madeleine Eparvier? If that's too many, just pick which ones you're most interested in obviously :)

Hi anon! Finally sitting down to do these. Thank you for your patience with this, and double thank you for being the first person to ask me things about that old man and that spectacular queen. Let's go! I'll put it under the cut because boy I'm about to get long-winded -- I blame you for giving me so much to work with!

CHARACTER ASK GAME!!! 💫

Daniel Molloy

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

You do not want to know the crossovers I've envisioned for this old man. Because of his meta role as the narrator, the messenger, and the archivist of the story, he fits surprisingly well into so many other pieces of media with the premise "what if he was the one investigating/interviewing the survivor". There are many other vampires I'd like him to interview (especially the ones from Tanz Der Vampire), and I'd love to see how a younger Daniel would fare in Fright Night (we all know how The Lost Boys would end for him..). But mostly, final girl that he is, I think he'd rock it in other horror media; the thing that has plagued him and enthralled him all his life. The thing he has begged for and run from. I wonder if The Ring's Rachel Keller was a former student or colleague of his, and if she'd enlist his help with respect to breaking the story on cursed video tapes. I want to see him in a Se7en or Longlegs type of neonoir slasher, sticking his nose where it doesn't belong, and yet coming through when it counts. I think that I would want to personally beat him to death myself for the things he'd say to Dani Ardor (Dan to Dan communication), but he's actually proven himself to be solid at deprogramming someone subjected to intense gaslighting (and very good at ruining relationships, including those that aren't his own!), and if he can keep the insanely misogynistic comments to a minimum for more than five minutes, he might've been able to get her away from the Harga by talking sense.

And finally, in what must make me the greatest parody of myself fathomable, yes, I think Daniel Molloy should investigate and probably write the retrospective on the Black Prom of Stephen King's Carrie. I've frequently joked that for all the addiction trouble, marital and familial trouble, and insanely out of pocket offensive comments, he's a Stephen King author avatar guesting at Manderley or perhaps Wuthering Heights.

But all seriousness, you have Sue Snell, who wrote her own autobiography of the horrific and targic events for which she wound up both scapegoated and disbelieved. Given his nose for the supernatural/preternatural, Daniel would follow where that thread leads and maybe help her find some peace in the process. The two certainly have a lot in common; both did fucking horrible things as a teenager for which they later faced an insanely disproportionate retribution, both have curly hair (usually in Sue's case), both are heavily coded to be repressing queerness leading them to unfulfilling heteronormative relationships/plans for unhappy family life, both take the role of the archivist and messenger to shape the horrors they lived into a narrative - their narrative - before the world will make of it what it will. Both fell in love with their monster(s). Both are fucking SURVIVORS.

(I kind of want to write this now...)

8. What’s something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Honestly, I don't want to rehash bad discourse from twitter, so I'll just say exaggerating his very apparent flaws to thoughtlessly trigger people in the interest of winning a morality contest in this of all franchises. On the flipside of that, reducing him to his ship with Armand -- I've been very vocal regarding how much I despise the Armand Is Alice theory, and so long as it persists I'll continue. Not because of this or that headcanon, but it's phenomenally misogynistic to erase women we haven't even seen onscreen yet for slash because eewwww no girls allowed. Like what in the circa 2007 misogynistic yaoi livejournal, TJLC ass theory are we doing here. But also because it would be terrible writing. The emotional impact of old Maniel as a character concept is that he's lived a full life, accomplished incredible things, and had relationships that were meaningful and that he also destroyed. He has these things because of Louis' rescue of him and Louis' words, and when they see each other again in 2022, the tangible impact of his great deed are written in every line on Daniel's face. I don't mind 'the Chase happened' truthers at all, but my God, you undercut everything when you suggest that it's Oops, All Armand, meaning Daniel never had a life fully lived and failings and triumphs he carries with him. You also ironically make DM less interesting by making him the only person in Daniel's life of any significance. Just. Take the character as we got him, my god.

21. If you’re a fic writer and have written for this character, what’s your favorite thing to do when you’re writing for this character? What’s something you don’t like?

I have a whole Thing about how I'm a strident feminist who somehow hitched her wagon to this geriatric misogynist, but it is a part of his very distinctive voice, so I do like to dig deep with "what's the thing a man could say that would piss me off the most", and then I run it through the canon content (since his character voice is very particular and distinct), plus some meta works with Eric Bogosian, to see if it fits, sprinkle in some Freak Shit, and bada bing bada boom, we've got our favourite asshole. It's weirdly cathartic in a way? Exorcising demons of shitty men I've dealt with or known of I guess lmao. I would say in sappier moods I like looking for the gentleness and the silver lining underneath the ten layers of Having No Limits, and when I hit on what's tender but still plausible, aka my favourite Daniel moments? No better feeling.

The flipside of this, being what I don't like, is that keeping that voice up is hard and it is a challenge to stay as sharp and ten steps ahead as he is. Need to brush up on some Columbo, I think...

Madeleine Éparvier

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

My heart would really, really, really love to say yes, but my gut and my brain say a definitive no. For one thing, while they make it very, very clear she's not a Collaborator or antisemitic in the slightest, the way her wartime affair came about and her later actions betrays an amorality in those circumstances that I probably wouldn't be able to look past, outsiders though we both may be. I'm also one for obsessive morality-related thoughts in general, so I don't think this would jell especially well with her survivalist mentality. I'm also fluent in French but it's not my first language, so that would likely get on her nerves. And while we'd share an interest in fashion and I'd commend her for her tastes in both clothes and women, I feel like she'd see me as a bootlicker for my legal education lolol.

And most importantly - Madeleine is incredibly mean. It's hot, it's funny, it's sexy, but I am profoundly oversensitive, and she would absolutely make me cry several times lmao. I don't really know if there's any character on this show I'd be able to get along with because everyone is so delightfully awful and also, you know, murderous. But that's why it's fun!

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn’t matter?

Well, Claudia is her companion and soulmate, so that's the easy answer; they complete each other in a way that no one ever quite has. Two outcasts, two people brutally mistreated in societies to which they were supposed to belong, two women carrying pain and humour and brutality and softness, and growing flowers over the corpses they leave in their wake. She is the X at the end of Claudia's long journey, the reason she doesn't leap in the fire who did not think twice about burning at her side; she is the only one who reads Claudia's diaries with permission. Claudia is her window to the wider world, her rescuer twice-over, and the only person who meets her where she is, in strangeness and violence and joy, in sucking the marrow from the bones you leave behind you.

So...'best friend' is probably a very light way of putting it lolol.

But also? I genuinely think she'd get along with Daniel. Two unapologetic amoral assholes who defiantly faced their past trauma to sacrifice themselves for the one they loved. And they both bully Armand, too!

Thank you so much for this! Apologies again for the length.

[leviismybby]

Seashell

A/N: Happy Valentine's Day everyone! ❤️ This is just a fluffy piece I wrote for Levi. The reader is a civilian :))

Levi stood in the cold water with his pants rolled up to his calves, searching for something down between the rocks and the sand. The skies were blue, the weather sunny providing him with just the right amount of light.

His grey eyes glanced over every single little rock that lay beneath the salt water. You told him last time about how much you would love to see the sea, how much you would love to travel with him to the coast one day.

And Levi can't give you that now, it's too risky to bring you out here with all the chaos going on. He doesn't get to see you a lot anymore so he uses every free day he has to make sure to visit you.

Valentine's day is approaching and he wants to give you something that will remind you of him any time you look at it, you told him that no present in the world can be more precious than his time but he still feels like he owns you at least something.

He can't thank you enough for loving him and always sticking by his side even when he tried to push you away from him.

Once his eyes land on a practically unusual object, he picks it up with his hand. It was a seashell, small but full of different colors and patterns.

Levi knew almost nothing about sea life but seeing the way Sasha and Mikasa seem to keep a lot of these in their tent, he assumes that you will like it too.

"That should do." He makes his way back to tents, putting the seashell in his pocket. He can't wait to see you.

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You yawn as you put the wet shirt onto the drying string. A sound of horse steps reaches your ears and you turn around towards the gate, seeing your boyfriend with flowers under his arm.

As soon as he gets down from his horse, you immediately run to him, hugging him tightly and almost knocking him off his feet. "Woha easy there."

He wraps his arms around you while holding the flowers in one of them, and you bury your face in his neck, smelling the scent you missed so much.

Levi pulls away just enough so that he can plant a soft kiss on your lips as your fingers play with his hair. God, he has missed you so much. Levi will never say it but he didn't need to, you know.

When you finally pull away to catch some air, Levi gives you the flowers he brought. Of course, he has memorized what flowers were your favorite.

They weren't quite cheap either. You see Levi reach into the pocket of his green coat, pulling out a dark red box with a pink ribbon wrapped around it.

"Happy Valentine's Day love." You almost squeak as you take the box from his hands, excited to see what's inside. For someone who claims he isn't romantic, Levi surely is sweet.

You find a seashell inside, colorful with pretty patterns on it. You have never seen the sea up close but every time Levi tells you about it, you wish that you were there with him.

"Wow. It's pretty." Maybe you'll ask your father to make you a necklace out of it so that way you always have it with you.

"I found it myself. Spend two hours looking at the fucking ground." Snorting you press a kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you for this, will you be staying the night?" Levi chuckles at the little spark in your eyes but he hates to ruin your hopes. "No. I have to be back in three hours."

"Well, at least you'll stay for dinner. Happy Valentine's Day Levi." Leaning back in you kiss him again, this time a little more passionately until you feel his horse huff next to you.

Laughing against each other's lips Levi pulls away. "Don't be jealous." You tell her, softly petting her head.

"She loves you more than she loves me. Anytime I come to visit you she already knows where we are heading." He pets his horse on the nose, a gentle smile approaches your lips.

"Good. She will let me know if my boyfriend visits anyone else." You love teasing him about such things because it gets on his nerves.

"Shut the fuck up." He kisses the top of your head before tying his horse to the fance as the two of you walk into your house.

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Taglist: @the-milk-anon @youre-ackermine @sixpennydame @yakaaamoz @notgoodforlife @levisbrat25 @luvjiro @ackermendick @lovolee3 @laraackerman @levisgreyeyes

[rainbowfelions]

I’m currently going through a really hard friendship breakup…

“I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep. The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign”

“People are people, and sometimes we change our minds. But it's killing me to see you go after all this time”

“All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around. I’ve been giving out chances every time and all you do is let me down”

“This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong.”

“Did you have to ruin, what was shining, now it's all rusted.”

“And maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much. But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up. Running scared, I was there. I remember it all too well.”

“But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss. I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs”

“I stopped CPR, after all it's no use. The spirit was gone, we would never come to. And I'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free.”

“And you say I abandoned the ship, but I was going down with it. My white knuckle dying grip. Holding tight to your quiet resentment”

“Dancing phantoms on the terrace. Are they second-hand embarrassed? That I can't get out of bed, cause something counterfeit's dead.”

“Oh, what a valiant roar. What a bland goodbye. The coward claimed she was a lion’

“I can't pretend like I understand. How did it end?”

“Each bar plays our song. Nothing has ever felt so wrong”

“I’ve been picking up the pieces of the mess you made”

“So many things that you wish I knew. But the story of us might be ending soon”

“I call my mom, she said to get it off my chest. Remind myself the way you faded 'til I left. I cannot be your friend. So I pay the price of what I lost. And what it cost. Now that we don't talk”

“You paint me a blue sky. Then go back and turn it to rain. And I lived in your chess game. But you changed the rules everyday”

“Oh, what a shame. What a rainy ending given to a perfect day. Just walk away. Ain't no use defending words that you will never say. And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through. I’ve never been anywhere cold as you.”

“I don't have to be your shrink to know that you'll never be happy. And I bet you think about me”

Trying to find Taylor lyrics to make sense of it all

Why is losing a friend so fucking tough to get through??

[michpat6]

the champions shouldn't come back

I’ve been seeing a lot of people say that the Champions should come back to life in TOTK, and can I just say please no. This isn’t even about shipping, I don’t give a fuck about that right now, this is about narrative.  

Breath of the Wild is a story about grief. Hyrule is a grave and each ruin is a tomb. Zelda is holding the Calamity back from adding to the body count and Link is the only one who can help her stop him for good. To do that, he needs to help the kingdom move on from its death a hundred years ago. He needs to free the Champions’ spirits from the Divine Beasts and destroy Ganon and save Zelda.     

Based on how the map is laid out once you get the Sheikah Slate repaired, Vah Ruta is first. It’s closes to Kakariko/Hateno and the enemies are the easiest. The game tries to subtly funnel you in that direction with the random Zora laid out in the area, searching for Hylians for Prince Sidon, and there’s a reason for that, narratively. 

(or there isn’t and I’m reaching, but bear with me)

Mipha was Link’s childhood friend. She (and Zora’s Domain as a location) is the representation of his youth and the child he was before he pulled the Master Sword. She’s his innocence, ripped away by the sword a hundred years ago and handed back to him by the Shrine of Resurrection a hundred years later, even though he doesn’t remember. It’s how he rediscovers his lost innocence, through Muzu being pissed at him and Sidon hiding his sadness, an innocence which he loses again once he frees Mipha’s spirit from Vah Ruta. 

She tells him, “Yesterday, I was awash in a pool of tears. I had nearly given up hope and resigned myself to being trapped here, as a spirit, for the rest of eternity. But now you’re here”. In this moment Link faces the reality of what the Champions being dead means. He’s been told by everyone that they’re prisoners, unable to move on, but now he’s seeing it for the first time, hearing in Mipha’s voice the pain of what these hundred years have been. He knows now that he really is the light, our light, that must shine upon Hyrule once again and that if he wants to remember more, he needs to go free the next Divine Beast. 

In freeing Mipha, Link gets hope in the form of her Grace. 

The game tries to funnel you to Vah Rudania next. There’s a very easy path from the Domain to Death Mountain, with the stable where you get the heatproof elixirs close by. Goron City is the Okay, I know what’s really going on, now what? of the game. Daruk was Link’s rock (pun not intended but it’s true), a grounding presence, the person that keeps him himself once he’s saddled with the burden of being the Hero of Hyrule.

He calls Link to Death Mountain in the memories to show off his progress with Rudania, yeah, but also to have, like, guy talk. He mentions “all those delectable rocks” and then reminds Link that he’s not alone in protecting Hyrule, that, “I’ll protect this land of ours to the death!”. He’s reassuring Link that he’s got his back and then literally does when those rocks fall and he uses his Protection. 

Daruk gives him that Protection once he’s freed from Rudania, that encouraging smack on the back that says, Go get him for us. 

Then there’s Revali and Vah Medoh. Revali was a jerk to Link, and sure he’s jealous that Link is The Hero, that the Master Sword is arguably the most important piece of the “killing the Calamity” plan, and that all he’s going to be is glorified backup, but the point of Revali is that he keeps Link on the ball.

By that, I mean that Link’s little rivalry with Revali (whether or not he actually sees their relationship as such) is akin to, like, a sports team. There’s always that one person you don’t necessarily get along with, but you know you can count on them to push you to be your best and be there to pick up the slack whenever you stumble. Rito Village is home to Teba’s pride and the spirit of Revali’s arrogance lives within his landing, and Link is able to remember that one time Revali made fun of him for not being able to fly, how that eggs him on to find a way up to Vah Medoh in the present just to rub it in the archer’s face (at least, that's how I felt when I first played the game). There’s a method to Revali’s madness and it’s to make sure Link is in tip-top shape if he’s supposed to be the one to save the world. 

Revali then literally uplifts Link with his Gale after he has control of Medoh again.  

Finally, we have Urbosa. Like Daruk, she was a reassuring presence, but not in the sense of, I’m your shield, I’ll be watching your back. She’s comforting in the way having five 100+ damage Lynel weapons in your inventory is comforting. She’s reassuring in the sense of, I’m your sword, I’ll be next to you on the front lines. She reminds Link that despite his youth and the burden of the sword on his spine, that he has a duty to protect Zelda, and that by protecting Zelda he is protecting Hyrule.

She’s not forcing him into the role, but she’s keeping him on track whereas Daruk allows him to stray for the sake of his mental health/childhood. She’s saying, Be a child for as long as you can, but also be the Hero. It’s why she tells him to open up to Zelda, so he can have a friend his age that he can be around 24/7, so he can have someone to relate to (and so that Zelda can, too). Urbosa is the representation of Link’s duty and his relationship with Zelda (whether platonic or romantic, I don’t care in this context), and how that relationship with Zelda turns into Zelda finally unlocking her powers on Blatchery Plain. Without Urbosa’s presence, Link isn’t in the right headspace to even be the Hero.  

Now that Link knows exactly what he’s lost a hundred years ago, and what he’s then regained during his quest, he can take her Fury and use it as a conduit for his own. 

Link starts Breath of the Wild a blank slate tasked with saving the world. Throughout his quest, he remembers his lost childhood, but regains that little spark of hope, that thought of, I can do this. He remembers that he wasn’t alone in his task, that there were other people right there with him, and that it was the actions of a monster that took them all away from him, not the unheard prayers of the princess he was sworn to protect and then came to genuinely care for. He learns that there’s nothing he can do to change the past, that all he can do is let his dead friends move on and do his best to do the same.

It’s why he takes their weapons. It’s why he buys the house in Hateno. It’s why he furnishes it. It’s why he builds Tarrey Town. He accepts that his old friends are gone and that the best thing he can do for them is make new ones with the people who helped him free them. In dealing with his past, in accepting it, Link sets up his future for after the dust settles.

TLDR: To bring the Champions back to life in Tears of the Kingdom is to ignore all of the progress we as players made in Breath of the Wild, it ignores the point of the story the game is telling, and it does a disservice to the character arc that Link has over the course of the game.

[coleramse]

the tortured poets department. songs one through five.

i was supposed to be sent away.

they forgot to come and get me.

i was a functioning alcoholic.

i hope you're okay.

you're the reason, and no one's here to blame.

what about your quiet treason?

we were forever running.

sometimes you ask about the weather.

your wife waters flowers.

i want to kill her/him.

all my mornings are monday stuck in endless februrary.

i took the miracle 'move on' drug. the effects were temporary.

i love you, it's ruining my life.

i touched you only for a fortnight.

but i touched you.

my husband is cheating.

i called you up, but you won't pick up.

i think some things i never say.

who uses typewriters anyway?

you're in self-sabotage mode, throwing spikes down the road.

i've seen this episode and still love the show.

who else decodes you?

who's gonna hold you, if not me?

who's gonna know you, if not me?

i scratch your head, you fall asleep.

i've read this one where you come undone.

i chose this cyclone with you.

sometimes i wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me.

you told lucy you'd kill yourself if i ever leave.

i felt seen.

everyone we know understands why it's meant to be. because we're crazy.

that's the closest i've come to my heart exploding.

here we go again.

you should've seen him when he first got me.

my boy only breaks his favorite toys.

i'm the queen of sand castles he destroys.

it fit too right, puzzle pieces in the dead of night.

i should have known it was a matter of time.

there was a litany of reasons why we could've played for keeps this time.

i know i'm just repeating myself.

pull the string, and i'll tell you that he runs because he loves me.

he saw forever so he smashed it up.

once i fix me, he's gonna miss me.

he was my best friend.

i felt more when we played pretend.

told me i'm better off. but i'm not.

tell me i was the chosen one.

showed me that this world is bigger than us, then sent me back where i came from.

for a moment i knew cosmic love.

now i'm down bad, crying at the gym.

everything comes out teenage petulance.

fuck it if i can't have him.

i might just die, it would make no difference.

fuck it if i can't have us.

i might just not get up.

i might stay down.

did you take all my old clothes?

that somehow seems so hollow now.

they'll say i'm nuts if i talk about the existence of you.

for a moment, i was heaven struck.

i loved your hostile take-overs.

how dare you say that it's-?

i'll build you a fort on some planet where they can all understand it.

how dare you think it's romantic, leaving me safe and stranded?

fuck it, i was in love.

so fuck you, if i can't have us.

like i lost my twin.

i saw in my mind ferry lights through the mist.

i kept calm and carried the weight of the rift.

pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away.

my spine split from carrying us up the hell.

i stopped trying to make him laugh.

how much sad did you think i had in me?

so long, london.

you'll find someone.

i didn't opt in to be your odd man out.

i founded the club she's heard great things about.

i left all i knew.

you left me at the house by the heath.

i stopped cpr. after all, it's no use.

the spirit was gone.

i'm pissed off you let me give all that youth for free.

i'll find someone.

you say i abandoned the ship, but i was going down with it.

my friends said it isn't right to be scared.

every breath feels like the rarest air when you're not sure if he wants to be there.

how much tragedy did you think i had in me?

how long did you think i'd go before i'd self-implode?

how long did you think i'd go before i'd have to go be free?

you swore you loved me, but where were the clues?

i died on the altar waiting for the proof.

you sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days.

i'm just getting color back into my face.

i'm just mad 'cause i loved this place for so long.

had a good run, a moment of warm sun.

i'm not the one.

two graves, one gun.

[bella-rose29]

Not Your Lover - Chapter 2

I'm not gonna lie there's not much plot in this other than building up more hate between them but oh well :)

Also apparently I have a thing of writing fake kisses now?

Word count: 3.7k

Warnings: swearing

Tag list: @a-candle-maker, @bubybubsters, @el-de-phi, @hauntedenthusiasttragedy, @iambored24601, @itsyoboo-jassy, @karensirkobabes, @kentucky-criedfricken, @little8sun, @mrsklockwood, @mvidaaaa, @nalie-98, @naushtheaspiringauthor, @notoakay, @pietromaximoffsbabe, @simbaaas-stuff

As always, let me know here if you want to be added to or removed from the tag list! <3

Y/n was fuming.

What made Dominik think that he could just waltz into her life like that, making her mother think that the two of them were together?!

She was slumped in a chair in the waiting area of the town hall, leg bouncing and arms crossed as she tried to contain her anger. Surely he was getting something else out of it, right? A man like him wouldn't say no to female attention, Y/n was sure of it. He was a classic fuckboy, all smiles and nice words until he ruined a girl's life for the fun of it. So why did he want to stop that? It was infuriating, not being able to figure out what he really wanted, and Y/n didn't like it one bit. Annoyingly, he was right. Her mother had hinted this morning that Y/n would be getting the grant now that she had a boyfriend, and his offer to work on the building with her was useful (and had been begrudgingly accepted), considering nobody else wanted to. It would be difficult getting the place in a good enough position, but she was sure it would be a piece of cake compared to pretending she actually liked Dominik Opus.

"Y/n? They're ready for you," Sofia said from reception, smiling widely. Offering a smile back (that probably looked more like a grimace), Y/n stood, clutching her papers to her chest.

"Thanks, Sofia."

Pushing open the door, Y/n braced herself for the onslaught.

~~~

Nikolai was quite happy at the moment.

His plan had worked, and while a good number of women were still hanging around, trying to figure out if he was actually taken or not, the majority of them had heard that he wasn't single anymore and had gone home. He'd finally had time to work with Gregor on the carriage that had come in a few days ago, and it was now ready to go back to the wealthy noble that had sent it in. Nikolai had hidden in the back when he came to collect it, the man surprisingly coming in person and not sending somebody to pick it up in his place.

"Well, it looks alright. How do I know you haven't done some Grisha magic on it?"

"I use my hard-earned talents on pretty much everything, sir. I only use my natural ones if I really have to. Besides, I had an assistant who is otkazat'sya and very good at what he does helping me on your carriage." Nikolai's chest swelled with pride at his employer's praise. As a child, he'd been told many times to not pursue his love of machinery, or making things, since it wasn't very princely. Perhaps that was why he'd dedicated so much time to inventions as king; he was the top voice, and technically nobody could tell him what was and wasn't very royal. Being here, in Taya, he could be completely himself (minus the name and some of the backstory), indulging his desire to make things and build, and it was amazing.

"Where is he? I'd like to take a look at him and decide whether he's trustworthy or not for myself."

Nikolai held his breath from his position behind the door, hoping Gregor would come up with an excuse as to why his coworker couldn't be there.

"He's in the back room, I'll just go get him for you."

Fuck. So much for that, then.

Nikolai sprung back just as Gregor opened the door, hoping it didn't look too much like he'd been listening in.

"Wants to meet you. Something about making sure you haven't fucked it up or anything." Gregor's tone left no room for argument. Nikolai nodded, swallowing. Since he'd found out that Nikolai apparently had a girlfriend, he hadn't been too happy, but Nikolai had been working all morning to make sure that Gregor knew that he wasn't going anywhere. He understood where Gregor was coming from, having told him only a couple of days ago that he wasn't interested in girls at all at this point in time, but surely the man could have some leniency?

Pushing through into the main room, Nikolai thanked the Saints and any other deities that he had no idea who this noble was, because he knew everyone that he had had an interaction with as Nikolai Lantsov, and this man in front of him was not one of them.

"Who are you then?"

"Dominik Opus, sir." It felt weird calling someone sir, given only a few months ago Nikolai had been king.

"Right. How long have you been in the business?"

"Pretty much my whole life, sir. Started about 20 years ago."

"How old were you? You barely look 20 years old anyway."

"I was always making things, but I first got into machinery at the age of around 8 years old." He left out the part about how he'd rearranged a priceless heirloom of a clock, resulting in his family grounding him in his room for a month.

"And you know what you're doing?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well I'll take your word for it, Dmitri. If anything goes wrong, it's on your head, boy."

Nikolai bristled at the wrong name, and at the attitude this noble had, and was instantly glad that this man had never been in his court. He did wonder what kind of people Zoya was letting in, though.

"Of course, sir."

The rest of the meeting went without fault, Nikolai stood off to the side while Gregor secured the transaction, and he felt himself relaxing. That feeling left just as quickly as the noble when Gregor turned to him, unreadable expression on his face.

"I think we should talk." He moved in the direction of his office, and Nikolai felt unease creep up his spine. When the door was shut, Gregor sat in his chair on one side of the desk, motioning for Nikolai to sit opposite him.

"Is everything alright? I know what I said about how having a girlfriend was the last thing on my mind, but I really didn't expect-"

"Who are you? Really?"

Nikolai blinked.

"Sorry?"

"I think I know who you are, but I'm giving you a chance to come forward on your own, Dominik."

"Well who do you think I am?"

"I think you're the previous king of Ravka Nikolai Lantsov."

Nikolai blinked again.

"I take it I'm right?"

"Yes." There was no point denying it now, given Gregor had figured it out.

"Do I need to use a title?"

"I'd rather you didn't."

"Right." He paused for a moment, unreadable expression still on his face as he observed Nikolai. "Why are you here? And why the fake name?"

Nikolai shrugged, leaning back in his chair. "I wanted to be somewhere where it wouldn't matter who I was, where I could hide. I didn't want to stay in the capital, or anywhere like that, but I'm still a valuable target for assassins wherever I go, hence the fake name. Taya? It's small enough that people wouldn't ever think to look for me here, but big enough for me to make a life for myself."

"Why would you ever want that? I mean, you've spent your life in a palace, and now you're in a shitty little port town with zero tourism."

"I like it here," he said, smile on his face. "And I didn't spend my whole life in a palace; I was in the army for years, and then on the sea for years after that. This life is what I want, where I feel most like myself. And machinery has always been a better friend to me than people, so it made sense, I guess."

Gregor sat back now, blowing out a breath. "I suppose that all makes sense. Where'd you come up with the name?"

"Dominik is- was, my best friend," he swallowed at the past tense of the sentence. "Opus is a sort of take on my father's last name, Opjer."

"So you are a bastard?" His eyes went wide immediately afterwards, going to rectify the question at once.

"Yes. Surprising that nobody noticed the lack of inbreeding in my features sooner, really. And if anybody had actually seen him, there would be no doubt that my mother had had an affair." Gregor seemed somewhat embarrassed at Nikolai's nonchalance towards his mother's infidelity, eyes still just as comically wide as they had been before. The man went to speak, but was interrupted by a shout from the main room of the mechanic.

"DOMINIK?" Nikolai winced, recognising the voice.

"I think you'd better answer," Gregor said, smirk on his face. "I'll keep quiet, too. You're too good at your job for me to lose you."

"Thank you, Gregor. That means a lot," Nikolai smiled, pulling open the door. "Hopefully I'm not sacrificed in the next five minutes and I can keep working here." Gregor laughed, the sound echoing in the room as Nikolai let the door swing shut, leaving him and Y/n alone in the main garage together.

"There you are!" she huffed, looking out of breath. "I just came from the council meeting and they've given me the grant, but only for a month, because apparently my project won't be worth any more than that, so I have to get three rooms done by then, and-"

"Woah! Woah, calm down! You lost me past 'council meeting' because you were talking too fast! Slowly, what happened? And why did you sound like you wanted to murder me just now?"

"One: they gave me the grant," she held up a finger with each point she made. "Two: I only have a month. Three: I have to get three rooms ready by that time or four: they're revoking the grant. Oh and five: mother wants you to come to dinner tonight and she made it clear we couldn't say no."

"Well the first bits are positive, right?"

"How can you do that? Smile about only having a month to do this? You've seen that place! One month for three rooms is ridiculous!"

Nikolai came closer, placing his hands on her shoulders to hold her in place and calm her down. "One month starting today, right?" She nodded. "Well then you go and make a start. Did they specify which rooms?"

"No, just said I needed three."

"Okay. You decide which of the three rooms to do, although if I can make a suggestion, I'd say go for the front three for easy access, and when I finish work later I'll come and help. Did your mother say what time for dinner?"

"8 bells. Which makes me think she's cooking enough food for the entire town because we normally eat earlier."

"Well I have a large appetite, so don't worry about that. I finish at five bells, so I'll come over to help afterwards, okay?"

"Okay. How are you so calm about this? It's one month!"

"I'm calm because you're not. If we were both running around like headless chickens, nothing would happen. I'm assuming that if you can get the three rooms done they'll extend the grant?"

"Yeah. They just need some way of generating income while we carry on."

"Right. Well, I think we can do it. If you need anything fixing urgently, just bring it here and I'll work on it in the shop, alright?" She was much calmer now, and Nikolai's hands were still on her shoulders, rubbing soothing circles into her skin with his thumbs.

"Thank you," she sighed, then pointed an accusatory finger at him. "I still don't like you."

"I wouldn't expect anything less. Now go on, get your house ready," he smiled, receiving a glare in return as she stalked out the room. Apparently the moment of softness was gone, and Y/n was back to hating him.

~~~

It was nearly eight bells, and Y/n was close to gauging her eyeballs out.

Her mother hadn't stopped talking about Dominik the entire afternoon, so Y/n had had to hide upstairs to prevent unnecessary injuries from happening.

She'd been surprised at how level-headed Dominik had been that morning, and had been considering rethinking her original perception of the man, but when he then never turned up after five bells, as he said he would, she berated herself for ever thinking that he would be different. He obviously had no desire to be near her, which was why he had never showed, but he'd seemed so sincere that morning it made her heart hurt a little at having fallen for the nice guy act again. He was probably annoyed that she'd invaded his personal space, but then if he didn't want that, why pretend to be her partner? She'd let out her frustration on the weeds in the front garden of the mansion, ripping them up from the ground as she muttered expletives under her breath.

Since getting home half an hour ago, her mother hadn't stopped talking, again, about how happy she was that Y/n had finally found somebody. Seeking an escape, Y/n had run a bath, hoping to have some peace and quiet while she washed off the dirt and sweat from her day. She had stayed in there until her fingers wrinkled, and reluctantly put on the dress her mother had laid out for her. She'd made it clear that Y/n would be wearing it or starving, and she hadn't eaten since breakfast. Hearing a knock on the front door, Y/n jumped, then sprinted down the stairs to reach it before her mother. Flinging open the door, she came face to face with Dominik, looking annoyingly put together in contrast to her own wild hair (made that way by her rush downstairs). She glared at him, hoping he'd understand where he went wrong and would apologise profusely, but his smile never wavered as he leaned in for a hug. Immediately, Y/n flinched, going still as his arms wrapped around her.

"What. The fuck. Are you doing?" she hissed directly into his ear.

"Your mother is at the end of the hall and is watching everything, so maybe look a little less like a brick wall and more like you're actually happy to see me?" he whispered back, breath tickling her neck. Begrudgingly she brought her arms up around his torso, pushing herself up on her toes a little so her face wasn't uncomfortably jammed into his shoulder.

"Can I let go now?" she grumbled.

"Sure." He pulled back before her, but kept one arm wrapped around her shoulders to prevent her from running away.

"Oh, don't you two look wonderful!" her mother clapped from where she stood, painfully oblivious to how they kept pinching and poking the other in the side. "Well, come on through! Dinner's on the table already!" She disappeared through the doorway, leaving Y/n and Dominik on their own.

"I'm going to bruise from your torture," he whispered, yanking off his jacket. "What did I do to deserve that?"

"Where were you earlier? You said you'd come by after five bells and you never showed!"

"I never said that," he frowned, hanging the coat up on the wall. Y/n could only stare in disbelief at his blatant lie.

"Yes you did. You said that when you'd finished work, you'd come and help me. Or is your memory so shit you can't remember making a promise to your fucking girlfriend?"

"You are not my girlfriend," his expression hardened. "I am not your boyfriend, we are not anything. I can remember that just fine. I don't owe you anything, and you don't owe me anything. We're just using each other to get what we really want, alright?" He left then, following the footsteps of her mother, and when Y/n heard him cheerily greet her as though he hadn't just been an ass, she wanted to cry. Sure, she hadn't been the nicest to him, and sure, he'd given her no reason to think that he wasn't the fuckboy she'd decided he was, but he was the one that had come up with this ridiculous charade in the first place, so he could at least fucking try.

Hearing the laughter coming from the other room, she brushed away the few tears that had fallen, then went and splashed some cold water on her face. She refused to let any more tears fall for that man, and putting on a brave face and a fake smile, Y/n entered the lion's den.

~~~

"So how did you to meet?" Y/m/n asked, and Nikolai swallowed his mouthful to answer. Before he could, Y/n had done it for him.

"Just in town," she waved her hand in a way that was just as vague as her words.

"Oh, come on, darling, you can tell her the whole thing," Nikolai spoke up, smirking at her glare. She did that a lot, and he had to wonder if she was going to end up not being able to make any other facial expressions.

"I don't think mother wants to hear-"

"YES! Yes I do! Tell me everything!"

"Why don't you tell the story, sweetheart? Since you seemed so keen for my mum to know?"

Now it was his turn to glare, hiding it behind a sickly sweet smile.

"Of course. I should have known you wouldn't want to tell it, given how embarrassing it was for you." Her mouth opened in indignant shock, and she jabbed him in the side.

"It was not embarrassing for me, if anything you were the one who was embarrassed!"

"JUST TELL ME!" her mother shouted, glee written all over her face.

"Well. I had just come in to town, been settled in for a few days, started my job. It wasn't long before we met, actually," he gestured to Y/m/n. "Darling Y/n here needed something fixing, I couldn't tell you what it was, I was too busy looking at the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life," he glanced over at Y/n, forcing a loving expression into his eyes while she looked like she was trying not to gag. "I thought she was flawless."

"Thought? Do you not still?"

"Well she tripped and fell flat on her face after she saw me, obviously shocked by how handsome I am. Y/n is still gorgeous, of course, but nobody is perfect."

Y/n scoffed. "Yeah, sure, I tripped over because of how attractive I find you," she deadpanned. "You'd left a cable lying on the floor, and I fell over because of that, you shit. Besides, that doesn't even begin to compare to how you couldn't utter a single word in my presence, you were stuttering all over the place, flustered by my beauty." She smirked up at him, shoving a mouthful of food in. Nikolai was seething. He never allowed himself to be unable to speak; he prided himself on his public speaking abilities, and Y/n knew it.

"Sure. Think what you like, darling. That doesn't stop the fact you were totally checking me out while I fixed that thing for you."

"You mean the light? Sweetheart, I think you were the one checking me out given you can't even remember what it was I brought in for you."

"So how did you end up together then?" Y/m/n was leaning forward in her seat, plate of food long forgotten.

"She said no the first time I asked her on a date, but when I bribed her with the promise of paying for everything she accepted."

"As if I would go for that," she mumbled under her breath. Speaking up, she said "He did, as well. He's surprisingly well paid for a mechanic. We went to Marie's place, down by the sea."

"Oh, Saints, that's expensive!"

"What can I say? There's not much I won't do for my love," he looked down at Y/n again, sending yet another fake smile her way. Her mother sighed in happiness, resting her chin on her hands.

"Why don't you two have a kiss?" Nikolai froze, an he felt Y/n do the same from where his arm was over the back of her chair.

"Do we really need to, mum? Can't we just-"

"Why don't you two have a kiss?" Her tone was much harsher this time, although her smile was just as sweet as before, and suddenly Nikolai understood where Y/n got it from.

"Darling?"

"Sweetheart?"

"I think your mother wants us to kiss."

"Touch me and die," she whispered as he leaned in. Rolling his eyes slightly, he brought his spare hand up to the side of her face, covering their lips. He came close enough to feel her breath on his face, and when he whispered into her he felt the ghost of her lips against his own.

"Close your eyes, and try and make it look believable." He closed his own eyes, tilting his head slightly as her hand came up around his neck.

"What are you doing?"

"If you don't want to kiss, then you don't want to kiss. I value my life and I fully believe that you would kill me if given the chance." He pulled back, opening his eyes as he felt his face warm from how close they had been, but when he was immediately confronted by Y/n's glare, the warmth disappeared, and he was filled with cold-blooded hate. What had he done now? He'd done what she'd asked, hadn't he? If this was still about that afternoon, then she needed to get over it. He couldn't tell her the truth, obviously, since it involved admitting he occasionally became possessed by a demon and probably telling her who he really was, and while he definitely shouldn't have lied in the way he did, he hadn't been able to come up with a feasible excuse. He knew that she was close with Gregor, and since the man lived above the shop Nikolai knew he couldn't say that he was working late. Besides, he'd told Gregor that he was headed over to the mansion, and had fully intended on going over and helping when the demon forced its way out and made Nikolai change his plans.

"Wonderful, just wonderful!" Y/m/n exclaimed, and Nikolai couldn't help but disagree.

Chapter 3

[rsedits9420]

cinnamon girl p33333

West coast

Pt 3 of The Lana Fic

Based off the song West Coast by Lana Del Rey

Word count: 1.5k

Masterlist

TW: mentions of abuse, portrayals of abuse, mental health, and ptsd (pls don’t read if you find these triggering)

Mark’s POV

As I wake up, I start to remember what occurred last night. I picked up y/n from Rutger and Johnny’s dorm. Then I saw that she was hurt. He had hit her! Her asshole of a boyfriend, Mason. For some reason I wasn’t as pissed last night as I am now. I’m furious. He doesn’t get to put his hands on her. Never. I’m going to need a lot of talking out of what I’m about to do. I slowly get up out of my bed, careful not to wake y/n, who is sleeping next to me. I put on one of my old hockey sweatshirts and put on a black beanie. I quietly grab my keys and phone and make my way to the door. Even though I'm livid, I’m not going to disturb her. She needs her rest. Especially after the events of last night. It’s only 8:45. I doubt any of my other roommates are awake. They can’t stop me from beating Mason’s ass. And trust me, that’s exactly what I’m about to do. I write a quick note letting y/n know I’m going out, and will be back. Leave her probably isn’t a good idea, but I can’t let this fucker go untouched for what he did to her any longer. Better yet, let’s make this a warning to never mess with my girl ever again.

I get this feeling like it all could happen, that's why I'm leaving

You for the moment, you for the moment

I quietly open my door and step into the hallway. As I reach the end of the hall I’m met with Luke sitting on the couch watching some highlights from his brother's game last night. “Where are you heading?” He asks. “Nowhere.” I respond bluntly. He starts to stand up, as I try to rush towards the door. “Man, I know what you're going to do. Yes. He definitely deserves it. But don’t ruin your hockey career. She wouldn’t want that.” Luke tells me. He starts to move in front of the door. “I’m just going to get a few punches in, okay! He’s a piece of shit, so I’m going to treat him as such. He hit my girl! He can’t get away with that!” I yell trying to push my way out. All of a sudden, Ethan, Mackie, and Dylan all appear out of their rooms. “What the hell is going on?” Dylan questions. “He about to go fuck up his career and I’m preventing that from happening.” Luke tells them. “Mark, I promise he’ll get what he deserves, but right now you need to be with y/n. She needs you.” Ethan tells me. Shit. He was right. How would she feel if I did the same thing that he did? I'm not like that though. I won’t give her a reason to be afraid of me. Not ever.

I speed back to my room, just to see y/n awake staring at my wall. “You okay?” I ask. “Will you lay with me?” She asked. Her eyes are puffy, and her cheeks are stained with tears, yet she’s still breathtakingly gorgeous. I climb into bed with her, and pull her close. “I meant what I said last night.” She whispers. “And I meant what I said too. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, you know that right.” I tell her. “Will you go with me to get my stuff today?” I take her face into my hands,”Yes baby, of course. I’ll protect you at all costs. I promise.” I would do anything and everything for her. I mean it.

Y/n’s POV

Mark makes me feel whole. When he holds me, I know he wouldn’t let anyone or anything hurt me ever. I never felt that with Mason. Yet the way Mark is holding me now, it feels different. Like he’s afraid to let go. Honestly I might be a bit afraid, myself. Even though I feel afraid, I know he is my safe haven. He always has been.

I guess that no one ever really made me feel that much higher

*4 hours later*

I don’t know if I can do this. All the boys are driving me to Mason’s apartment to get my stuff. He’s going to flip out. Luckily I have Mark and the boys here to protect me. I’m still dreading seeing Mason. I have no clue how he’s going to react. That’s the scariest part about this all. When I don’t know his next move, that’s when he does something outrageous. Mark is sitting next to me, holding my hand and playing with my knuckles. “It will be okay. I promise baby.” He whispers. He makes me feel safe. He always has. He’s my rock. My safe space. My home.

When we arrive at the apartment complex, they help me unload the boxes Luke and Dylan brought in Luke’s truck, and we take them up to the apartment. When I reach the door of my used to be “home” I grab my key out of my pocket, and quietly open the door. Hopefully he isn’t here, or if he is he’s passed out. The boys aren’t far behind me, but the are now just getting off the elevator as I walk into the apartment. I tiptoe through the living room straight to the bedroom to retrieve my things. All of a sudden a hand grabs my neck and pulls me against the wall.

Mark’s POV

Each of us brought up two boxes to pack up y/n’s things. When we reach the apartment door, it’s wide open. She went in there without me?! I quickly get inside of the apartment just to hear,” please Mason. Let me-e go. Pl-” I drop everything in my hands when I turn the corner to see Mason shoving y/n up against the wall by her throat. All I see is red. I charge up to him, pull him off immediately and throw him to the ground. “Don’t you ever touch her again! You hear me!” I roar. Eddie comes up behind me to check on y/n. I grab Mason by the collar of his shirt and get on top of him. Soon enough my fist connects with his face. I get 6 good punches in before Mackie and Luke are pulling me off. They have to get Dylan’s help to hold me against the wall. I look back at what I just did. His nose is definitely crooked, he has a gash on his eyebrow, and a busted lip. But damn that felt good. Mason starts to stand back up. “You fucking asshole!” Mason swears at me. And just like that Mackie turns around and hits Mason with a right hook to knock him right back on his ass. “You're not one to talk, so do everyone else here a favor and shut the hell up.” Mackie yells at him.

My gaze falls back onto y/n. She’s curled up into a ball. As she turns her head I can see the handprints on her throat. I rush towards her in an instant. “Hey, shhh. It’s okay. I’m here now. Nothing else is going to happen I promise.” I tell her, as I pull her into a hug. “Here, I’ll take “our friend” to the parking lot, so you guys can’t help y/n get her stuff. Okay?” Luke says. We all nod. Not long after Luke is dragging Mason out of the apartment. “Come on, let's go get your stuff.” I say lifting y/n in my arms.

After almost an hour, me and the boys have all of her belongings packed and ready to be taken to our house. Y/n hasn’t said a word yet. I’m starting to get worried. One thing I know is, I’m not letting this girl out of my sight ever again.

With the help of the boys, I managed to get all of the boxes into the two cars. As I place the last box in the car, I see Mason approaching the building again. Luckily y/n is already in the car safe. I’m not going to do anything else for now. I think y/n has seen enough for one day. I sit next to her in the car, and not long after she places her head on my chest. “Thank yo-u for being here and protecting me-e, Mark.” I cup her cheeks and tell her,”Anytime baby. And it’s all over now. You’re going to come live with me and the boys, and we’ll figure the rest out from there. Okay?” I plant a kiss on her forehead. “Okay.” She responds. “I love you so much. And there isn’t a single thing I wouldn’t do for you. I swear to you.” She giggles through tears and says,” I love you too Woody. So so much.” That’s when I know I'm in love with this girl. And I’m not ever losing her again.

I’m in love

I’m in love

[aita-blorbos]

WIBTA for getting revenge on the people who ruined my life?

I (???M) used to work for the government as a programmer. I was hired a little less than five years ago to code an algorithm for sorting sensitive data. Unbeknownst to me, there was a spy hiding amongst the people who were working with me on the project, and they were leaking classified info. As the head of the project, naturally I was their first suspect.

They had one of their detectives (we'll call him C) take my statement, but C had the bRiGhT iDeA to play Bad Cop and keep pressing me no matter how many times I said I didn't know anything, and eventually he started accusing me of being the spy myself.

I don't clearly remember what happened, but C needed to leave the room for some reason and accidentally left his pistol on the table. I admit it might've been a bit of a stupid idea, but in a blind panic, I grabbed the gun and BOOKED it. I knew they weren't gonna let up on me if I didn't run.

Another detective (we'll call him J) saw me fleeing and chased me down. He cornered me in a local park and threatened to shoot me if I moved another inch.

Now, I thought this man was gonna fucking KILL me, so I did the first thing that came to mind to save myself. I picked up a kid that happened to be playing nearby (we'll call her L, she will be relevant later) and threatened to shoot her if he got any closer.

For the record, I had no intention of hurting anyone AT ALL. I was just trying to manipulate J into, you know, NOT FUCKING SHOOTING ME.

I was killed by a piece of a falling meteorite before anything actually bad could happen, but that kind of made everything worse. I turned into this half-dead freak of nature and even though I have cool ghost powers now, my "life" fucking sucks and everything hurts. My only friend is a goddamn cat. It's been this way for years and everything keeps getting worse.

I just want C, J, and L to feel the same pain they put me through.

They took away my reputation, my life, my fiancée, they took fucking everything. I have nothing left because of them and they shouldn't get to get away with that.

I have everything planned out already. I'm going to make sure those assholes feel exactly how I felt these past years.

TL;DR, my life was ruined and I want to get back at the people who ruined it. WIBTA for following through with my plan?