#she looked bone tired onscreen

[b-skarsgard]

Bill Skarsgard isn’t new to the world of prosthetics in film — we all remember his horrifying turn as Pennywise in It. In Robert Eggers’ reimagining of the classic Nosferatu, the Swedish actor was back in the makeup chair, ready to be transformed into the title character, also known as Count Orlok.

“Bill’s really tall, and he’s very slim and charming and a real kind of fun guy, and he’s got this lovely, warm personality,” prosthetic lead David White tells The Hollywood Reporter. “I remember during the first makeup session, as we’re putting this makeup on, this sweet, charming young guy began to disappear and somebody else was coming in. He transformed within the space of four hours into this very dark character.”

full article at the link

White always begins his prosthetics work by hanging onto one aspect of the actor’s face. In Skarsgard’s case, it was his big eyes and “fantastic” bone structure. Around 10 prosthetics pieces were used on his face and head alone, with the body prosthetics taking the count up to 60. Sixteen people applied the pieces at a time. “It’s a bit like a pit stop in a car race,” says White. “They know exactly how to change those tires really, really fast.”

The actor was in the chair for four hours just for his head and hands. Given his experience with prosthetics, Skarsgard has learned tricks to deal with the amount of time in the chair, White says; the actor goes into “a meditation world” to preserve his energy and save it for the performance onscreen.

When the first trailer dropped, many fans were quick to point out how Orlok’s mustache and hair deviated from the character’s appearance in the original 1922 Nosferatu, which was based on Bram Stoker’s novel Dracula. White admits that Orlok’s look in Eggers’ iteration is “quite unusual” but says there’s a reason that choice was made.

“Robert would hand over these illustrations and things he found from the 16th century about these noblemen at the time, and they all had those mustaches,” he explains. “It’s highly likely that any nobleman would have had a mustache like that, even Orlok.” In terms of Orlok’s hair, White also stuck with the period in which the film was set: “You see that kind of look throughout that part of the world, and he wouldn’t stand out. When he’s in his sarcophagus, Robert was very insistent that he wants his hair all flat and matted, full of muck and dirt, and when he’s out and about, it’s a little bit more full and rich and elegant.”

For much of the movie, we see only Orlok’s silhouette or see him rising from the shadows. That also factored into the way White worked. “During the sculpt, my key sculptor, Colin Jackman, and I were very careful because Robert had mentioned that he’s going to shoot him not only in low light, but he didn’t want to reveal the decay and rot that was coming from the back of his head forward. On the one hand, you’ve got to sell him as this normal guy who is maybe a little eccentric, but on the other hand, he’s actually falling apart.” Keeping that in mind, White set up lights during the sculpt to gauge how far he could go with the prosthetics, and lots of camera tests were done to ensure nothing was revealed too soon.

Makeup head Traci Loader also used lighting to get her technique just right, especially given the film’s tinting — the movie was shot in color in 35mm but was desaturated to make it look like the action was taking place in the constant pale glow of moonlight. “I also did The Lighthouse and The Witch, so I’m familiar with [cinematographer] Jarin Blaschke’s lighting,” she tells THR. “I have lights in the trailer that I put gels on to complement his lighting so that I know that I am going in the right direction. For black and white, you have to be careful with your reds and purples — anything that has blue in it, you have to alter it. So with candlelight, any yellows or reds you use can’t be orange-based; they have to be blue-based. Otherwise it’s not going to read. So there’s a lot of color theory involved.”

[shewholovestoread]

Fear Street Trilogy Review

Beware, spoilers ahead.

I love horror movies but good horror movies are so hard to come by. Fear Street grabbed my attention as soon as they released the first trailer, it looked like a call-back to the slasher films of old, back when they were still good. And the best part was the apparent presence of lesbians, count me in!

Fear Street is based on the books by the same name by R. L. Stine, a lot of us remember Stine for another horror classic, Goosebumps. The Fear Street novels were aimed at older audiences and were way more bloody than Goosebumps- lots of teenagers dying. The films don’t adapt any particular book but rather the tone and rough setting and I think that works to its advantage.

The Setting:

Fear Street is based on the fictional town of Shadyside, the poorer and more unfortunate twin of its sister-town Sunnyside. Sunnyside is sunny, wealthy and where nothing bad ever happens. Shadyside in contrast is poorer, the homes more run-down and where, every few years, some resident snaps and goes on a murderous rampage, killing their own friends, family or whoever they can get their hands on. There are those who believe that Shadyside is cursed by Sarah Fier, a witch who was hanged in the 1600s when she cut off her hand and used it to curse the town.

Fear Street Part 1:

1994 functions like the introduction and set-up for the trilogy. It introduces us to the characters, Deena (Kiana Madeira), Sam (Olivia Scott Welch), Josh (Benjamin Flores Jr.), Kate (Julia Rehwald) and Simon (Fred Hechinger). They unwittingly trigger the curse when they stumble across the bones of Sarah Fiers, soon killers are chasing them, killing-machines powered by the curse and who can’t be killed. Deena, Sam, Josh, Kate and Simon have to put aside their differences and work together to survive the night.

Fear Street Part 2: 1978

1978 opens with the survivors of 1994 going to C. Berman (Gillian Jacobs), the lone survivor of the Camp Nightwing massacre. It provides insight into the massacre that saw dozens of Shadyside kids being killed. 1978 takes us back to the day leading up to the bloody night. We meet the Berman sisters, Ziggy and Cindy (Sadie Sink and Emily Rudd respectively), Alice (Ryan Simpkins) and Tommy (McCabe Syle) When an axe-wielding murderer starts butchering the camp residents, Cindy and Alice, while trying to escape, stumble into the cave system that runs under the camp and discover Sarah’s hand and that the only way to break the curse is to reunite the hand with her body. However, they are unable to break the curse when they realise that the body is not buried where they thought it would be. Alice, Cindy and Ziggy are killed by the cursed murderers with only Ziggy being revived thus being labeled the lone survivor. In the present day, Deena and Josh dig out the hand from where Ziggy and Cindy left it, when Deena reunites the hand with the body, she sees visions of Sarah Fiers, leading us into the third and final film.

Fear Street Part 3: 1666

1666, the year it all started. We see the events play out leading up to the hanging. Deena is inside Sarah’s body, seeing and experiencing her life as if it were own. We learn that it was never Sarah’s curse, but in fact it was the Goodes who had made a deal with the devil, securing power for themselves (their descendants are the mayor and sheriff in 1994) Sarah Fiers was just the scapegoat. Every time someone saw a vision of Sarah, she was trying to show them the truth and un-dead killers hunted them to keep them from exposing it.

The films work individually but their impact really hits home once you’ve watched all 3. Leigh Janiak crafts such an intricate story and links 3 time periods, weaving them through each other seamlessly. With 3 films, she also has the time to invest in these different time periods and the characters that inhabit them.

The story, both in terms of individual films as well as the trilogy as a whole, is engaging and engrossing. It keeps the audience on their toes and the edge of their seats, waiting and dreading as the bodies pile up. Janiak also grounds the story so that it feels real even as the characters are fighting off un-dead killers, adding to the nail-biting tension.

There’s plenty to admire for a horror film buff, from the Scream reference in 1994, to Friday the 13th in 1978 and The Witch (or VVitch) in 1666. There’s also a good amount of gore to be found along with some really inventive ways of killing, who knew bread cutters/slicers could be so menacing.

There’s so much attention to detail in terms of costume and production design that you really feel like you’re in 1994, 1978 or even 1666. All of these work to draw you in as the viewer, adding to the authenticity on screen. The clothes and places feel lived-in. The song choices are amazing with popular hits from 1994 and 1978, the soundtrack definitely elevates the visuals. The original score in 1666 was absolutely gorgeous, especially Deena and Sam’s theme.

The sequence of the films with 1994 being the first, followed by 1978 and finally 1666 was a great choice with each film revealing a little more of the puzzle till all the pieces are revealed in 1666. It keeps the tension alive and keeps the characters and the audience constantly guessing. It also allows Janiak to sprinkle just enough subtle clues that become apparent when rewatching the films.

The characters are one of the best things in the trilogy, they are so well written, and I mean that for almost all of the main cast which is rare. One of the best things that Janiak does is repeat actors, especially the principle cast. For instance, a lot of actors we see in 1994 and 1978 appear in 1666 playing different roles but with a similar dynamic. It helps tell the story without worrying about too many new faces and worrying about whether or not the audience will be able to keep track of them. The return of old faces also ensures that the audience is already a little invested in them and their well-being.

Small side-note: I really appreciated that there was no sexual violence. It always worries me when I start a horror show/film and it was such a relief that they did not go that route. There is a lot of violence and a lot of people and kids die but it’s always just slightly campy enough that keeps it from being genuinely disturbing.

One of the things that always irk me with slasher films (especially the old ones) are how white they were, no characters of colour and if there were any, they always died. There were also no queer characters. Fear Street undoes that beautifully, all of our main characters are outsiders, they are people of colour, they are queer. In another film, they would have been nameless characters, among the first to die. Here they are the heroes. I loved all of them and I hated that Alice, Kate and Simon died, to be honest, I expected the core group to survive, Kate especially.

Fear Street is also unapologetically feminist and Janiak does this without it being too obvious. The central conflicts in the story are between women (sister/ friends/ ex-girlfriends) but they also band together and fight for each other. It’s worth noting that most of the core relationships are between women (Deena-Sam, Ziggy-Cindy-Alice, Sarah-Hannah) and those are not coincidences.

I loved how gay this trilogy was, Deena and Sam’s love for each other was the driving force and was at the heart of the story. Even in 1666, Sarah’s crime was not so much witchcraft as it was daring to love someone you’re not supposed to and fighting back against the proprietary nature of the men who sought to control them. Sarah and Hannah loved each other fiercely and we see that same love reflected hundreds of years later in Deena and Sam who fight for each other relentlessly. I also appreciated that Deena and Sam were exes instead of a new relationship. It meant that they already had history, they shared a familiarity and comfort with each other that a new relationship would have had to build onscreen.

The Fear Street Trilogy is one of the best horror trilogies I’ve seen in a while, each film is consistently great and delivers gore and violence coupled with immense heart. It has one of the best queer relationships I’ve seen on screen and spoiler alert, they get a happy ending. I’m sick and tired of lesbian women dying or separating because of realism. Damn realism, give me happy women loving women and who live through their traumatic ordeal. Watch Fear Street for them if for nothing else. Now excuse me as I prepare to rewatch the trilogy.

[contradictions-of-iron-and-lace]

So on my old blog, I would occasionally give my unsolicited thoughts and opinions on shows or movies (usually ones that either had a lot of hype or were just straight up bad). I just watched "365 Dni" aka "365 Days" because I had a couple hours to kill so be prepared for mental spewage because it's my blog and I do what I want.

Wait I thought this was a romantic thriller. They're talking about human trafficking. This is already gross.

Michele Morrone is very good looking though and I've been obsessed with his face for the last few weeks.

This whole conversation about these girls getting trafficked is gross.

Yes. Let's be extra pervy during a pervy business meeting and check out the girl on the beach with our binoculars.

Hold up. Why did they get shot?

I don't know what's going on. Freaking Italian mob, man.

This song about being addicted to someone that's playing while people are bleeding out on the ground seems tonally inappropriate.

So far we've seen Italy, San Francisco, and Warsaw. I didn't know we were globetrotting.

And we switched from Italian to Polish to English. Sure.

Yeah. Michele Morrone could get it. Also he survived being shot.

Is that the same girl from the beach? Probably. Why not.

They do a lot of spinning shots and it's making me dizzy.

So far this is a very expensive foreign Lifetime movie.

Yes. Because everyone takes boob shots in the back of their Uber while sober.

Homegirl's boyfriend looks like they picked him out of a burly henchman catalogue.

Yup. Michele Morrone is stupid hot. Even just sitting down he's hot.

Oh good. We've transitioned from potential human trafficking to cocaine.

Well damn. This is fairly explicit for a "mainstream" film.

Cool. I share a name with the female lead.

Still don't know the male lead's name yet.

Everybody in this movie is either stupid hot or stupid ugly. There is no middle ground.

Yes, Michele. Creeping up on this girl on a darkly lit path saying "Are you lost, little girl?" is definitely going to win you all the points.

I don't understand why writers insist on putting powerful women with schlubby dudes. It's tired and cliched and inevitably leads to annoying arguments.

Yes. Let's wander around Sicily at night all alone. That's totally safe.

And my point is proven.

I hope if I ever get kidnapped and holed up in some random ass castle in Sicily my makeup looks as good as Laura's.

So this just turned into a horror movie.

Called it about Laura being the girl on the beach.

Yeah, that's not creepy at all, dude. Let's obsess over a girl we might have hallucinated for five years and then kidnap her and give her a year to fall in love with you. Solid plan.

This is literally making my skin crawl.

Ah yes. "I won't do anything without your permission" he says as he literally grabs and sexually assaults her.

So basically this is trying to be "erotic thriller, Beauty and the Beast style".

Her pulling a gun on him has been the best thing so far.

I'm so confuuuuuused.

That's nothing new though. I live in a state of perpetual confusion.

Why the hell is there a man chained to a rock in this dude's basement.

I have many concerns.

Also his name is Massimo so that's good to know.

Besides the man chained in his basement his house is pretty cool.

Just kidding the man is no longer chained in the basement since he now has a bullet in his head.

I'm only 30 minutes in and this has been a wild ride.

"I'm not a bag of potatoes you can move without my permission!" is very Polish and as somebody who's family is Polish I'm living for it.

I'm going to need him to stop laying hands on her.

Whoever chose the music made some odd choices.

He keeps watching her sleep and it's creepy.

And there he goes grabbing her again.

I do like that she's giving him a lot of attitude and isn't putting up with his shit but you know that's going to change 🙄

Yes. Go spend all his money, honey.

He is disrespectful as hell.

I don't care how hot he is, he's creepy and abusive and I don't like it.

"I am not the monster you think I am." You would be incorrect, my dude.

Like, she went on vacation with her boyfriend and friends, and I can't for the life of me figure out why they aren't looking for her unless they explained it and I missed it.

Pierogi. The most romantic of Polish foods.

"I do business." He's a drug trafficker, honey. Run away. Run far, far away.

Honestly I would turn this off if I wasn't so far in it already.

I feel like I have to see this trainwreck through to the end.

"I would like you to show me how to be gentle for you" would be more appealing if HE LITERALLY HAD NOT KIDNAPPED, ABUSED, AND ASSAULTED HER.

Ew. Did he sneak in her bed while she slept?

One good dinner and now she's all "let's gently touch him in bed and take a shower in front of him" 🙄

Why is this bathroom set up like a communal shower? It's weird.

Although to be fair if he hopped in the shower with me I'd check him out too 🤷

They tied her to the seat in the plane. What the hell.

I'm so uncomfortable.

Ugh. Why. Why is this a thing.

So far this has been creepier than 50 Shades and 50 Shades is creepy as hell.

Hold on. I thought they were at a hotel. Why does he have a giant ass portrait of himself hanging up in his room?

I. Am. Uncomfortable.

Oh man. He has a nice butt.

Don't get distracted by the pretty man, Laura.

Onscreen Laura too.

He asked her to teach him how to be gentle, then handcuffs her to the bed and makes her watch while he hooks up with another woman.

Yup. Doing a great job there, Massimo.

Cool I'm back to being confused.

She can't walk in her heels and I'm dying laughing. Same, girl, same.

"What are you wearing?" "A couple thousand euro of yours." GET HIM.

Now we've entered the Scarface phase of the movie because there was just a copious amount of cocaine snorted.

Where did he pull two guns from??

So I don't know how long she's been with him at this point. I feel like that's something that needs to be clarified.

And she fell off the boat.

Of course she did.

Oh man. Why's he gotta be so cute with his fluffy curls and stubble and tattoos?

Also I'm pretty sure he only owns like two shirts because he's walked around shirtless for most of this movie.

We are now in the part of the movie where we've screamed awful things at each other and now we're going to bone it out.

All over the boat. Like every surface of the boat they have now banged on.

If y'all were dissatisfied with the raunchiness of the 50 Shades series, this is the movie for you because it far surpasses that.

Of course they're going to a ball. They always do in these rich people movies.

Makeover montage because why not.

Oh no. He's hot in a tux.

It always cracks me up in movies when people just automatically know how to ballroom dance like professionals without any training.

Every time I think this movie can't get more cliched, it does.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I subject myself to bad movies?

I take it back. I know why I did it this time. The reason is 6'2" and looks damn good in a button up shirt.

"I thought you were kidnapped!" She was. You were a good friend for thinking that.

The switching between languages is giving me whiplash. It's very jarring going from Italian to Polish to English to Polish to Italian.

Her friend seeing through her bullshit is giving me life.

Also loving the fact that she's acknowledging she has Stockholm Syndrome. But because it's a movie it won't change anything.

Another makeover montage? So soon?

Also her friend keeps calling Massimo Mozzarella and it's hilarious.

That wig looks like it's about to crawl off her head.

Of course the ex shows up.

Honestly just knee him in the nuts and be done with it.

Why does Massimo think it's okay to break into her apartment and wait in the dark for her?

I don't know who thought using a blue light for her apartment was a good idea but it just looks like they're in a giant tanning booth.

"I don't need 365 days... Because I love you." GIRL NO.

I mean it was inevitable but it's still gross.

Yup. That's normal. Let's marry our kidnapper.

I want to snatch that wig off her head.

"What are your intentions with our daughter?" You don't want to know what his intentions are with your daughter, sir.

I will say that I love all her clothes in this movie.

Also she's pregnant. Calling it right now.

Called it.

Also good to know they've only known each other two months and they're going to get married and have a baby 👀

Her best friend is my favorite character and is the only likeable person in this whole movie.

Plot twist. Shocker.

This is so dramatic.

I will give them credit for the ending because that was unexpected.

In summary, this movie is trash and while the "love" scenes are pretty hot, it's not worth the time or effort that I clearly put into this.

[zalrb]

What were your favourite childhood movies? I was rewatching the karate kid movies and the newest version is nowhere as good as the old one.

This list is kind of all over the place, haha, because some movies are movies I grew up with meant for my age group at the time and a lot of them aren’t because I was exposed to a lot of media as a kid, haha. I’m also jumping around in time 

Lion King --- I had Just Can’t Wait To Be King on repeat, I’d rewind it again and again and just sing it until I had to go to my room because my mother had enough

Aladdin --- apparently I just went around going, “I’m not a prize to be won!”

Land Before Time --- this movie is so fucking depressing but I really liked Ducky --- like to the point that the reason why I go “yepyep” is because Ducky goes “yepyepyep” and I remember when I realized that, I was like holy shit is that why all these years I go “yep yep” and my family was like, lol yes. But then as an adult I found out what happened to that child actress and that just made the movie all the more depressing 

The Breakfast Club --- I explained this yesterday I believe 

Grease --- so my mother loved/loves Grease, she knows all the songs, can play most of them on the piano and we used to live across the street from this movie theatre that played old movies and Grease was a regular so we watched it a lot 

Sixteen Candles --- I remember thinking this was so romantic as a kid. Super problematic movie tho

Titanic - ah yes, Titanic, Leonardo DiCaprio, my first celebrity love. Oh, I can’t stand this movie now, lmao

Lord of the Rings trilogy --- lmao so when the first movie came out, I was obsessed with the elves and Rivendell and I used to write my homework with swirly letters to look like elvish and my teachers complained so I had to get a talking to about it 

Love and Basketball --- first Black love story I ever saw. 

Back To The Future  1 and 2, lmao as John Mulaney pointed out, the first movie anyway is actually REALLY weird when you think about it 

Bad Boys --- I mean Martin Lawrence and Will Smith were the shit back then so I just liked watching them in a movie together

The Best Man --- THIS is funny so the 90s and early 00s saw a lot of African American movies and my mother was all about getting me to see Black people onscreen as much as I could so she took me to these movies even if it wasn’t exactly kid appropriate, she would just make sure to have a conversation with me about the movie when it ended, anyway, so when I was a kid, I didn’t really get a lot of the nuances of The Best Man but when it came out on VHS and when the soundtrack came out we got it so we watched it a lot and there’s a song by The Roots that I really like and one day I was like, I don’t know why I like this song so much and my mom was like because they play that song when you see Morris Chestnut for the first time and I think you went through puberty in the theatre when you saw him and I just diiiiiiiiiiiiiiied

As an adult, The Best Man is fucked up and I would’ve kicked Harper’s ass as well but only because what he did as a writer was a fucking dick move.

Pretty Woman --- it took me a while to realize that she was a sex worker

You’ve Got Mail --- I remember watching this in the theatre with my mom and being SO FRUSTRATED because I just didn’t understand why Tom Hanks couldn’t tell Meg Ryan the truth. 

Liar Liar --- I related to having an absentee dad who never made good on his promises but I also liked Jim Carey’s exaggerative facial expressions but I remember there’s this joke, so the whole premise is that Jim Carey didn’t show up to his son’s birthday when he said he would (relatable!) and his son was so tired of him breaking promises, he wishes that his father will never lie again but Jim Carey is a lawyer so that causes issues, lmfao, but anyway so Jim Carey can’t lie and he has sex with I think it’s his boss, I forget, but he has sex with someone and she’s like how was it? and he goes “I’ve had better” and every time that joke came on my family would CRACK UP so I kept being like “better what? GUYS WHAT DID HE HAVE BETTER OF? I DON’T GET IT” then my mom and I had a conversation, lmfao.

Goodfellas --- I remember my cousins watching this movie in the living room and I saw the scene of the gif I posted below and was like OH WHAT’S THIS and then they told me to go into the bedroom because it was too grown but it’s like they forgot there was a TV in the bedroom and I just turned it to the channel and watched it there. And the movie came on a lot on TV so I just watched it a lot by myself, lmfao.

Twin Warriors aka Tai Chi Master --- probably my favourite martial arts movie. I know there are better ones but I really resonated with this as a kid. Jet Li was a legend with my cousins. 

Fist of Legend 

Once Upon A Time in China

Romeo Must Die --- omg I played this movie ALL. THE. TIME. 

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon 

Boyz N The Hood --- a really important movie in my household to the point that I was excited to be able to write a paper on it in the same Popular Cinema from the 70s to the Present class I did my Breakfast Club paper for

same with Do The Right Thing

Jumanji -- I fucking love how mean-spirited this movie is and I did appreciate it as a child too although it freaked me the fuck out 

Clueless

Home Alone - god, Kevin’s family was terrible 

Home Alone 2 --- ah the movie/scene that changed my life

House Party --- to this day I haven’t been to a house party as live as this one 

Malcolm X --- another extremely important movie in my household

Hook --- ooooh I still love this movie so much!

Scream --- I remember when this movie was THE. SHIT. Scared the fuck out of me.

Hero --- this movie was so gorgeous

Rush Hour --- I would probably hate Rush Hour now tbh but whenever I hear “Fantasy” by Mariah Carey I think of the opening scene because I was Soo Young belting to Mariah Carey in the car, it was the best part of the movie for me as a kid because I was like I DO THAT TOO but then she gets kidnapped, so....

The Mummy --- CLASSIC

Gremlins 

Hercules - DUH

The Godfather --- I rarely talk about my dad but he was very much into mob movies because he liked the way they dressed and carriedt themselves in these movies, especially in The Godfather so whenever I was with him, The Godfather was on a lot 

He was also very much into comics, particularly Batman, so even though I don’t really care for DCU/MCU or comics, I’m more likely to go to a theatre (well pre-Covid) and pay to watch a Batman movie over any other comic movie - except Black Panther which is a huge exception because these Batman movies were a pat of my childhood

yes, even Batman and Robin, I even had the soundtrack, listening to Bone Thugs N Harmony on my bunk bed and shit.

Space Jam --- I recently watched the Movie Pitch for this and it had me hollering

Lean On Me --- I have complicated feelings about this movie now but I grew up watching it and I really liked it and the older I got the more I understood what the movie was actually about

Practical Magic --- I wanted to live in that house

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone --- because it was real finally!

Armageddon -- I still love this horrible, nonsensical, illogical, terrible movie because it’s utterly fantastic and hilarious. As a child I didn’t understand this moment and why it was such a huge ask, as an adult I’m like YES. IF I SURVIVE SAVING THE WORLD I’M NOT DOING THIS, THE FUCK I LOOK LIKE?

[love-fireflysong]

Day 21: Story

Fandom: Until Dawn Character(s): Chris Hartley, Ashley Brown Words: 1254 Rating: General (sleepy smoochies though, like all he sleepy smooches)  Author’s Notes: God. I can’t believe that this one is almost a week late. Can’t believe it took me 3 days to write! This isn’t even the one I wanted to write in the first place! The one I wanted to do was a sole survivor Ashley thing, but I hated literally every single word I was putting down. So after two days of writing, I decided to just say fuck it, deleted everything, and went to bed. So just take this stupid, soft, unbearably sappy thing I wrote immediately after waking up and leave me to wallow in my incompetence while I write out Flowers and do my cross-stitching.

When Chris woke up, it was with the realization that the other half of the bed was empty. Once this might have filled him with panic, nightmares of the events that happened in Blackwood Lodge coming to life once again, but it had been years now. True, there were still some nights of panic. Of flailing in bed, reaching out for your other half in all the ways were important and all of the ways that mattered, feeling their breath rising steadily in their chest, confirming that they were really, truly safe and alive. That you hadn’t fucked up beyond repair.

But this wasn’t one of those nights. No, this night filled Chris with only a deep sigh of resignation and fondness as his hand smacked sleepily onto the bedside table for his glasses and phone. He continued to aimlessly smack his hand around, until he finally felt the familiar shape of his glasses and put them on, not that the glasses made the dark bedroom any easier to see of course. He returned to his blind hunt of the table and found his phone much easier, though he fumbled with sleep-addled fingers to turn on screen and grunted at the brightness that not only lit up the room, but seared his retinas. He ignored all of this to sleepily decipher the time on his phone.

2:37 am. Of course. He was honestly surprised that he hadn’t woken up earlier.

With a groan, Chris rolled himself out of bed, clumsily escaping the prison of blankets he had somehow rolled himself into, and blearily walked down the hall to the the make-shift little study that they two of them had made when they first moved into the place a couple of years back. And to his complete lack of surprise, found Ashley sitting in front of the computer.

He stood in the doorway, just leaning on the door frame, as he watched her with an indescribably fond smile. She had bundled herself in the afghan left out on the couch nearby and was sitting with cross-legged on their dinky little office chair, faces inches from the screen as she typed furiously away at the keyboard. Her fingers danced across the keys, new words and sentences appearing before her eyes every second. Only giving a murmured curse under her breath every time she fumbled and a misspelling appeared onscreen. It was only when she made her fifth mistake in twice as many seconds that Chris finally pushed himself off the door and entered the room. The fact that Ash didn’t even notice him until he had wrapped his arms around her shoulders and buried his face into her hair made him only love her more.

“What the—? Chris? What are you doing up?” Her voice was tired, but still exponentially more awake then he currently was.

“Missed you.” He finished his sleepily delivered statement with a kiss behind her ear.

The sigh she gave was almost as fond as his smile had been a few moments before. “Go back to bed. I’ll be there in a little bit.” She turned back to her writing, only to have Chris tug her backwards with the chair rolling further away from the computer. “Chris! Stop it!” She was laughing though, so he didn’t feel too bad about it.

“Missed you.” He repeated, though this one was definitely more of a whine. He nuzzled further into her hair, until he had shifted the afghan she had cocooned herself in enough that he could place a new kiss to the skin at base of her neck. “Missed you. Bed.”

Ash laughed again, though this one was more of a resigned sigh. “Just let me finish this chapter, all right? I’ll be there soon, I promise.”

Ha. Like he was gonna believe that. He’d leave for bed and come back to find her in the morning never having left, asleep at the desk and pages upon pages of d’s across the screen and a massive crink her neck when she woke up. Nope. Not tonight. “Nuh uh. Sleep now. Story later.” He gave a large yawn while still nestled in her hair, and used it as an excuse burrow further into her shoulder. “Almost 3 am, Ash. Come to bed.”

He could feel the fight draining from her by the way she shrank in her seat a bit. “I need to finish this though. I’m so close, Chris. Just a few more pages I promise.”

He only responded by pulling her further away from the computer. He could feel her shoulders raise as her arms strained to reach the keyboard and pull herself back towards the desk, and he retaliated by layering more kisses into the base of her neck. “Still be here when you wake up.” He gave another yawn, and nuzzled his nose into the space where her shoulder and neck met.

The sigh that Ash gave was in clear acceptance of her fate. “Yeah, I know. You’re right, it will be.” He could feel her turn her head to look at him, but he was happy right where he was and didn’t move. Her next line was much more softly delivered. “You both will be.”

Chris just grunted in response, and her tired giggle was like music to his ears. He reluctantly let her scooch back towards the computer, and despite being burrowed so far into her hair that he was practically part of her shoulder now, made sure to watch carefully that she only saved the file and exited out of the program. The moment he watched the program close, he was tugging her backwards again as she laughed.

“Chris! I can’t get out of the chair if you keep leaning on me like this!”

A large part of Chris didn’t care, he was comfy. “Comfy. Sleep here instead.”

“You can’t sleep standing up. Come on, it’s only a few feet till the bedroom.”

Even tired as he was, his mind was alert enough to see the sense in her argument. Still, he let out a put-upon groan as he backed off enough to let her get up and drop the afghan back onto the chair. That was all the time he gave her to do before he was back to tugging her towards their bedroom, insistent on going back to sleep.

She just continued to laugh softly behind him, and laughed louder when he all but collapsed back onto the bed, pulling her with him. His eyes were already closed as he made himself comfy and just smiled when he felt her hands on his face. And proceeded to whine when Ash pulled away, wrapping his arms tighter around her waist.

“I’m just putting your glasses back on the table, Chris. I promise. I’m not going anywhere.” He still didn’t like the idea of her leaving for any reason and let her know when she came back and he only held onto her tighter. He could feel her making herself more comfy on the bed in turn, tangling her legs with his and readjusting her arms so her hands were splayed out on his chest. Ash finished her positioning by pressing her face into his neck so her lips rested on his collarbone, and he responded by burying his nose into the top of her hair with a happy little sigh.

She gave a small kiss to his collar bone and snuggled further into his arms. “I love you.”

Chris didn’t respond. He was already fast asleep.    

[set-phasers-to-whump]

birthday fic!!

happy birthday @taylortut​ !!!! you’re so kind and funny and talented and i hope you have an excellent day!! i hope this fic is ok!

prompt: 

whumpee: jim kirk

fandom: star trek aos

For once in his life, Jim Kirk was trying to be a responsible adult. He had woken up tired, sore, and dizzy, had attempted to get dressed for the day, and had decided to return to bed instead. 

Normally, he would have ignored his body, gone to the bridge, and gotten to work. But he felt like death barely-warmed-over, hot on the outside and cold on the inside. And his limbs shook when he tried to stand, and he could barely see through a fog of dizziness. So he’d laid back down in bed and commed Spock, letting him know he could take command today. Spock hadn’t asked questions-the Captain was human, after all, and did occasionally need some time to rest.

Now here was where Kirk’s adult sensibilities had failed him. He should have done what any responsible person would have done and contacted Dr. McCoy. But then he would have been lugged off to sickbay and poked with a dreaded hypospray, plus his best friend would’ve made a fuss over him, and Kirk most definitely Did Not Want that. 

So he simply rested, alternately burrowing deep under his blankets and shoving them off when he got too hot. 

Around halfway through the day, he began wondering if he shouldn’t just suck it up and go to sickbay. He felt even more miserable than he had when he’d woken up, and his head was starting to pound. He was, therefore, just about to reach for his communicator when he was stopped in his tracks by the red alert alarm.

“Keptin! We are under attack!” came Chekov’s voice through his communicator. “Commander Spock requests your presence on the bridge!”

If anything could have gotten him out of bed, this was it. He shot up, then nearly collapsed as an intense wave of dizziness overtook him. He braced himself against the bed for a moment, then shoved off, this time barely registering the dizziness as his adrenaline fired up. He shoved his feet into the shoes he’d been too tired to try to put on that morning, suddenly thankful that he’d at least managed to get on the rest of his uniform before deciding to take the day off. 

He raced out of his quarters and to the turbolift, then hurried onto the bridge as a blast shook the ship.

“Report, Spock,” he said, switching places with the commander.

“It is a Romulan ship, Captain. They attacked us with no warning, and will not respond to our hails.”

“Try again,” Kirk instructed. He shook his head to try and clear a field of black spots from his vision, not accomplishing much. 

“Channel open,” Uhura informed him.

“This is Captain James T. Kirk of the starship Enterprise,” he said. “Why have you fired on our vessel?”

He got no response, and another blast rocked the ship, causing his momentarily-forgotten dizziness to flare back up again. He closed his eyes and tried to take a deep breath. He didn’t have time to feel the effects of his illness.

“Shields at 84 percent!” Chekov informed them. 

“Return fire, continue hailing the ship,” Kirk instructed. A blast from their own ship hit the Romulan vessel, bouncing off its shields. 

“Minimal damage!” Chekov reported.

Yet another blast rocked the ship. Kirk swallowed against the nausea building up in his throat, still trying to ignore everything he was feeling, and doing a fairly good job of it, all things considered. He took another deep breath. 

“Fire photon torpedoes!”

One of the torpedoes broke through the Romulans’ shield, taking away a chunk of their ship. 

This strike finally caused the Enterprise’s hail to be answered. An irate-looking Romulan appeared onscreen, and Kirk stood to address her, a decision he immediately regretted as his legs swayed underneath him, threatening to give out.

“Federation ship, why are you in Romulan territory?”

“Negative, Romulan ship, you’re in Federation territory.” He couldn’t just sit down in the middle of this extremely important conversation, not when he’d stood up for the sole purpose of having said conversation. He therefore stayed resolutely upright, shivering ever so slightly, ignoring the black spots that had once again overtaken his vision. 

The Romulan onscreen was talking hurriedly to a few members of her crew. Finally she turned and addressed Kirk again.

“Captain, it...appears there was an error with our navigational computers. We believed ourselves to be in Romulan territory, but my crewmen have calculated our position by hand and have informed me that we are, indeed, outside of Romulan territory.”

The bridge had been completely silent during the Romulan’s speech. As she finished talking, everyone looked to Kirk. He looked at the Romulan. “Go on, then,” he said. “We’ll escort you back to the Neutral Zone.”

The Romulan nodded sharply, and disappeared from the screen. Her ship began slowly moving forward. A few crew members shared glances. Usually, there would have been a great deal more questioning for the Romulans before they were let off the hook.

“Match their speed,” Kirk instructed, then collapsed to the ground, his sickness finally winning out over his stubbornness.

He was vaguely aware of someone shouting, someone tapping him on the face, and being half-carried off the bridge. Then everything went fuzzy.

When he fully came to his senses, he was lying in a bed in sickbay, slightly propped up on a pillow.

“How ya feelin’?” came Bones’ voice from beside him. 

Kirk turned to face him, blinking the sleep from his eyes. “Better,” he said quietly. “Not so dizzy. Did we get the Romulans back to the Neutral Zone?”

“Yeah, Spock got ‘em there easy.” Bones was clearly more interested in the fate of his captain than that of the Romulan ship. “Why didn’t you tell me you were sick? You were sick enough to stay in bed, why didn’t you talk to me?”

“I didn’t want you to make it a big deal, okay?” Kirk said, belatedly realising that that was a dumb reason to avoid sickbay. “And you know I hate your stupid hypos.”

Bones smiled slightly at that. “I know,” he said. “But get me next time? You had a fever of nearly 104 degrees, and frankly I’m surprised you made it as long as you did without collapsing.”

“My ship was in danger, Bones. ‘Course I didn’t collapse.”

“What you did do was put your crew at risk. What if you had collapsed, while you were talkin’ to that Romulan?”

Noticing the rather crestfallen look that this statement put on his friend’s face, Bones put a hand lightly on his shoulder. “Jim,” he said, gently moving his hand to Kirk’s still-too-warm cheek, “I’m not mad, just...please let me know next time you’re not feeling well? It was a dumb thing to do, don’t think I’m lettin’ you off the hook for that, but ya did prevent an all-out war, so good going on that part.”

Jim smiled softly. “Thanks, Bones,” he said. “I’ll talk to you next time.”

Bones lightly ruffled his friend’s hair. “You better,” he said. “Now get some more rest. The ship can manage without you for a little bit.”

Sorry the ending is bad i really just Cannot Do Endings, also sorry the whole thing is not very good i’ve never written whump for jim before so i was kinda feeling it out as i went along. Anyway i know this isn’t very good but i hope you liked it anyway!!! Happy birthday!!!!!!!

[chid-sen-gan-blog]

My Reaction to GoT 8.04 (”The Last of the Starks”)

Hello, everyone! So, I’m back once again for another recap/review of the latest GoT epsiode. I’m sorry this took so long, but I spent most of my week in a deep depression over it, so I only got around to editing it now…

Anyway, this review is as much of an emotional roller coaster as the actual episode was, so read at your own risk. 

Once again, these are my thoughts from my first time viewing it (I read the leaks prior to seeing the episode, but I took them with a grain of salt, so everything written is based purely on my own emotions), and, once again, it features running commentary from my Dad and Brother because I love them and they’re amazing.

WARNING: Spoilers for the episode, if you haven’t seen it yet. Though considering how late I’m posting this, the warning may be irrelevant

WARNING #2: Please excuse my emotional state throughout. This show is designed to break me in many, many ways

Thanks you to everyone who supported the first three installments! I hope you enjoy the fourth!

Considering there are only two episodes left in the series (not counting this one), I think it’s kind of pointless for me to say that I’m still not used to the opening credits. If they haven’t grown on me yet, then they’re not going to in time for the finale

Every time I see D&D’s names at the start of an episode, I die a little inside

YES!!! I CAN SEE ACTUALLY SEE THIS EPISODE!!! (#still salty about squinting in 8x3)

Ugh. Dany. On second thought, I’ll take the poor lighting back. Please? Thank you

Aww, Sansa giving Theon her Stark pin. *tears up*

*quickly wipes tears away* Nope, not now, I’m saving my crying for later

I really hope that I’m not going to have to bring out the tissues for this episode even though all the leaks are pointing to it

Yikes. That’s… a lot of bodies

And just think of how many of them could still be alive if the dragons had just lit some ice zombies up instead of getting lost in a snowstorm

Or if the Dothraki hadn’t charged right into the Army of the Dead when they could hardly see where they were going

Then again none of us could really see anything with last episode’s lighting, so…

#still salty about squinting

Noooooo! Ghost!!! My poor baby’s covered in wounds!!!

“Alright, which of those undead creeps beat Ghost up that badly?! Because I will kill them all over again!” – My Wonderful Dad

“By the looks of it, he did a lot more fighting than the dragons. Point: Team Direwolves.” – My Wonderful Brother

Once again, just when I think Jon can’t look any more tired, he raises the bar

(at this point he could probably list “being tired” as one of his skills on his resume)

So, with this lighting, I can finally find out who survived. Okay, so let’s see… Jaime, Brienne, Davos, Gendry, the Hound…

Good speech, Jon. I’m surprised Dany let you take the reigns and make it

The score is fantastic once again. I can’t express how happy it makes me that Ramin Djawadi always brings his A-Game

(even when certain members of the crew don’t seem to *cough D&D cough*…)

Okay, this scene is really touching, I admit

Though I’m honestly a little confused why we still have to burn the bodies with the White Walkers gone, but, oh, well…

Oooh, a feast. Nice. I’ll stick to my potato chips and gummy bears, though

Gendrya’s canon and I’m glad

I wonder who curses more: the Hound or Bronn?

Oh, shoot. Dany, no. No, don’t call to Gendry…

NO!!! WHO TOLD THE WHITE-HAIRED DEMON THAT HE WAS ROBERT’S SON?! WAS IT YOU, DAVOS?! IT WAS YOU, WASN’T IT?! YOU AND YOUR OBSESSION WITH HER “GOOD HEART”!!!

I SWEAR TO EVERY DIREWOLF THAT’S GONE BEFORE GHOST THAT IF YOU LAY A HAND ON GENDRY I WILL TWIST YOUR DOUGH HAIR INTO A NOOSE, DANY!!!

Anyone else think it’s rather telling how everyone looks absolutely terrified when Dany’s speaking to Gendry?

“If Gendry dies, I will riot.” – My Wonderful Brother

Wait… Dany legitimized him?

No, there has to be something more to this. Dany never does things unless it’s for her own benefit…

Aaaaand there it is. Typical. Figured it was some ulterior motive

(my Dany bitterness is seriously at an all-time high tonight, and I’m not quite sure why)

Jon smiles more around a kid he barely knows (Gendry) than he does with Dany. And that’s the tea

“Sure, Dany, you just told everyone in this room now that Gendry has a claim to the Iron Throne that supersedes yours, but, yeah, you’re soooo clever.” – My Wonderful Brother

Even Tyrion looks done with her at this point. ‘Took him long enough

Jaime putting his hand on Brienne’s reminds me of a similar scene with them from S3, E6 (“The Climb”). *sighs* Ah, the early seasons. Those were good days…

Aww, the way they look at each other. *heart melts*

I’ve never been much for shipping, but when it comes to Jaime and Brienne, I’m shipping trash. And I’m proud

“JUST KISS ALREADY, YOU TWO!!!” – My Wonderful Dad (edit: apparently, I’m not the only one who’s shipping trash)

“Just nudge Brienne a little closer to him, Pod. Just enough for their lips to meet.” – My Wonderful Brother (edit: my whole family is shipping trash, and I couldn’t be happier about it)

Ah, Davos, Tyrion. Discussing Melisandre, are we? Pour one out for her on my behalf, would you? I owe her for lighting things up last episode

#still salty about squinting

Good question… what does R’Hollor want? Not that I expect D&D to explain it, but still…

Bran’s still a robot. Wonderful

Please tell me he has some purpose in this show other than creeping out his family and their guests

You know how you have that one friend that just won’t take no for an answer and tries to talk you into all the worst things and then acts like they’re doing you a favor? Yeah, that’s Tormund

Aw, Sansa encouraging Jon is everything. Even if it’s encouraging him to drink

Tormund, why would you toast to Dany? Why would you hurt me like that? Is it because I ship Braime? I always said Briemund was fine, too!

(though some Briemund stans that I’ve met… less so)

Dany toasting to Arya. Wow, it certainly looks like someone read their kiss-up handbook, doesn’t it?

“That woman is saccharine, spice, and nothing nice.” – My Wonderful Brother

The Hound barely acknowledges when Gendry’s named a lord, but is visibly amused when Arya’s mentioned. Oh, Sandor, you softie…

Seriously, though, the fact that we have Northmen, Free Folk, Southerners, Starks, Lannisters, and Varys (from Essos) all together in one room is amazing. And beyond that, they’re happy; they’re not fighting, they’re not trying to kill one another – they’re celebrating. Together. It’s actually making me tear up a bit

Well, we were all happy until Sansa saw Dany and left

I can’t blame her there, though. Wanting to book the moment you lay eyes on Dany is a personal mood of mine

Okay, confession time: I really want to play the drinking game one of these days with my family (though I’ll substitute the wine with something non-alcoholic)

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I adore Lannisbros, and I always will

Like, Tyrion’s charm has been lost on me since S5, but whenever he’s with Jaime, I can’t help but fall in love with him all over again.

And whenever Jaime’s around Tyrion, it always brings out a sweeter, softer side of his personality that we don’t normally get to see, and I live for it

Honestly, I can’t credit Peter and Nikolaj’s performances enough

Honestly, I can’t credit the entire cast’s enough

(especially in this season where the acting is pretty much the only thing worth watching for)

(well, the acting and the score)

“I can’t believe Jaime’s seriously using the drinking game as a way to show Brienne he remembers what she tells him.” – My Wonderful Brother, with a mile-wide smirk on his face

“The guy’s such a dork. I love it.” – My Wonderful Dad, smiling like the proud papa he is

I honestly can’t help but laugh at how Pod seems to be enjoying this as much I am

Okay, drunk Tormund’s funny. I admit

Tormund really seems to be intent on making Jonmund canon, I’m just saying

Awww, how I’ve missed Jon’s smile

… is that a Starbucks coffee cup?

Is that why they had such poor lighting in the last episode? To cover up coffee cup cameos?

#still salty about squinting

*opts to ignore it for now*

“A madman? Or a king?” Very telling words, Tormund. Very telling, indeed

And as if to confirm it, the score gets sinister, the noises muffle, and Dany starts to get… uncomfortable, for lack of a better term

Kudos to the cast and crew on this scene; it’s chilling my bones more than anything in the last episode did

Varys sees. Varys knows. And what Varys sees, Varys doesn’t like. Trust Varys

Back to the drinking game, and my children are still acting as dorky as ever

So, I’m curious. How did Tyrion and Sansa’s marriage get annulled, exactly?

*Jaime smiles at Brienne* // *Brienne smiles back at Jaime* // *my heart stops*

Woooooah. Tyrion, too far. Too far!

Pod grabbing a drink and downing it uncomfortably is me right now

And Jaime trying to cut Tyrion out is my wonderful Brother, who’s saying “stop” in the most warning of tones

And Tormund to the… rescue, I guess?

Tormund’s joke didn’t make me laugh, but Jaime rolling his eyes at Tormund’s joke sure did…

… while Jaime blocking Tormund’s path when the latter tried to follow Brienne only added more mirth to my mood

Tormund’s expression of rejection and anguish is the same one I wear whenever Dany’s being lauded onscreen

Yep. Drink up, buddy. You did your best

Pod’s smile gives me life. That is all

Me: *sees Tormund talking to the Hound about his heartbreak* // Me: *spits out soda two seconds later*

(And now I want to write a fic where the Hound’s a psychologist. Someone help me)

“No, really… could he have picked a worse person to talk to about his feelings?” – My Wonderful Dad

It took Tormund approximately two minutes to get over Brienne. … yikes

So… to everyone who said his feelings for Brienne were simply lust, I just want to apologize for ever doubting you. *shakes head* Really, Tormund, I had more faith in you

Oooh, Sansa and the Hound. This should be interesting. I don’t ship SanSan in the slightest, but I always did like their dynamic

“Broken in rough”? Really? *sighs and rolls eyes* That’s an understatement if I’ve ever heard one

Okay, so just to be clear, the show basically just said that it’s a good thing that Sansa was abused all those years, ergo implying that – on some level – someone who’s been abused should be grateful to their abusers. *flings confetti listlessly* Quality writing, everyone. From the minds of D&D

“With sentiments like that, it baffles me how there hasn’t been a petition to fire D&D yet.” – My Wonderful Dad; a man who gets it, who I will forever love and forever stan

Ugh. Well, that scene was a train wreck. Time to try and get back on course

(sadly, that’s become my motto for most of these episodes recently)

Oh, good. Gendrya. Save me, Gendrya

And of-fricking-course she’s in BAMF Arya mode. Because when is she not anymore? *groans in annoyance*

Honestly, why do writers feel compelled to turn every single female warrior into variations of smug ninjas? I mean, is it too much to ask for a powerful woman who’s both in-tune with their emotions and a fighter?

(on a side note, that’s why I love Brienne; because she’s both)

I have unpopular opinions. I’m sorry

Gendry… Rivers. Rivers? Seriously?

His surname is WATERS. Every fanfic writer worth their salt knows that

“Please tell me Joe Dempsie accidentally got the line wrong and that D&D didn’t actually write the wrong surname into the script.” – My Wonderful Brother

“To echo what you told me last week, you’re asking for waaay too much.” – My Wonderful Dad

Anyway, let’s try to get back on track, shall we?

Tip #1 for using a fork, Gendry: Stick ‘em with the pointy end

This has to be the dorkiest proposal of all time, and I love it

… yeah, I knew she was going to reject him. But, hey, the score’s still pretty

*heartbreak level: 1000*

Ah, Brienne, I missed you… even though it’s only been a few minutes since I last saw you, but I digress

So, moment of truth: I’m in love with Oathkeeper, Brienne’s sword. Like, unnaturally so. I would fricking marry that sword, and regret absolutely nothing

*instantly loses all followers because I’m crazy*

Ah, Jaime, I missed you, too… even though, again, it’s only been a few minutes

Okay, series, so Jaime shows up at Brienne’s door significantly more disheveled and drunk than he was earlier, and you just expect me not to question how he came to be that way? Nice try, HBO. I know you have footage of him pacing and drinking in the hallway like a nervous wreck until he finally mustered the courage to knock. Release it

………… Yep, nothing like casually taking off your clothing with a lame excuse like “it’s hot in here” to set the mood. Sheesh, Jaime. You’re so awkward you’re making me cry

(on the other hand, to everyone who told me he’d be suave-as-suave can be when trying to flirt… I win. Prepare to part with your money)

Even when these two are going back-and-forth in flirtations, they’re still arguing like an old married couple. I love it

Hey, Mr. I-Hate-the-North? Yeah, sorry to be the breaker of bad news, but you’ve hardly stopped smiling since you got here. So, don’t give me that

Don’t know why, but Jaime admitting he doesn’t want things growing on him kind of breaks my heart…

… As does Brienne seeming surprised that Jaime sounds jealous of Tormund. Seriously, these idiots are going to kill me

And again with the “hot in here” excuse. Really, Jaime needs to get some flirting tips from Tyrion

These. Two. Dorks. That is all

Like, Jaime has no chill, and no idea what he’s doing despite being the, erm, “experienced one”. And Brienne is so rough-around-the-edges but so fricking gentle, too, I just… ah! These two will be the death of me, seriously…

On another note, I’ve been paying so much attention to how adorkable these two are that my mind didn’t register what was actually happening until right now and………… *screams and squeals like a group of pigs*

“OH MY GOSH, IT’S HAPPENING!!! STAY CALM!!! STAY FRICKING CALM!!!” – Me to Me, clearly not heeding my own advice

*meltdown intensifies*

(*briefly notices that D&D didn’t give Brienne her scars from fighting a bear but opts to ignore it for now*)

*meltdown seriously intensifies because, aside from Jygritte/Jongritte, this is my fricking OTP and I’m going to enjoy it, because, dang it, I’ve earned it after S7… and the last episode*

(#still salty about squinting)

Brienne looks so darn majestic and Jaime looks like a lost little puppy and I just… Really, it’d be sort of hilarious if it weren’t so cute

AND THERE’S THE KISS!!!!!!! FINALLY!!!!! I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS SINCE SEASON 3!!!!!!!

(random note, but I love how it’s sloppy and awkward. It’s believable, and it’s sweet, imo)

“WELL IT’S ABOUT DARN TIME!!!!” – My Wonderful Dad, who just jumped out of his seat to cheer

“NEVER STOP!!! NEVER. FRICKING. STOP!!!” – My Wonderful Brother, who’s also abandoned his seat to cheer

I love them so much. Bless them

I love everything right now, honestly

OH COME ON, SERIOUSLY?! NOT NOW, DANY!!! NOT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

My Wonderful Dad: *turns the tv on pause* “Nice try, Dany, but we’re celebrating first!”

Which is why I’m now typing away while eating a giant ice cream sundae made by my wonderful Dad, bingeing on excess candy, and drinking a liter of pineapple soda as both he and my wonderful Brother dance around to “The Bear and the Maiden Fair” blasting on the laptop

Can you believe we’re all completely sober? Because we are, we’re just nuts

I really adore my family

*twenty minutes later*

“Okay, party’s over. Time to suffer through Dany.” – My Wonderful Dad

“Daddy, the party will never be over. Even if Dany is present.” – My Wonderful Brother (huh, and I always thought he was a cynic)

Dany: “Are you drunk?” // Jon: *stumbles in response* // Dany: Oh, good, time to manipulate you

Honestly, this woman reminds me of Cersei more and more every time I see her, but with none of the charm

Ewww. No. Stop kissing. Stop kissing this instant

Oh, thank goodness

(can’t believe my OTP’s scene got cut off for my NOTP’s scene. Yes, I’m petty. Sue me)

Oh, brother. She’s really complaining about how she’s not happy? Like: Yes, Jon, your entire life was a lie, but let’s make it all about me, shall we? Give me a break

I mean, okay, you’re upset. That’s fine. But how about adding an “I can’t imagine how you must feel” or “it must be even worse for you” to the end of your sentence to at least show you care? That’s just relationship 101, honey

Sheesh. And I thought I was self-centered

So, does anyone else notice that Kit is acting oddly akin to how he did in that scene with Jon and Littlefinger? The little sighs and the head motion and all? Or is it just me?

“Kit’s kind of acting like he did in that scene with Jon and Littlefinger in the crypts.” – My Wonderful Brother, confirming my thoughts

Well, congratulations, Dany. Now you know how Viserys felt in S1. Don’t think that’s a good thing, though…

Ugh. Okay, so Jon and his whole “you’re my queen” schtick is annoying as all heck, but I can’t deny that it’s pulling at my heartstrings. Whether political!Jon is real or not (and I’m sure by the time I post this, so many of my wonderful mutual will have made new posts explaining how it is), the sheer desperation in the guy’s voice is horrible. It’s not the voice of a man in love, or a man who would do anything for his SO. It’s the voice of a man who’s terrified, who’s trying to do everything in his power to keep the peace, who would do anything to keep the people he truly loves safe. And – political!Jon or not – to see someone who we’ve known and watched grow since the start of the series be broken down to such a pitiful extent is heartbreaking

I mean, the guy’s on his knees claiming that he doesn’t know what else she wants from him, and, instead of comforting him or trying to work things through with him, she takes his face in her hands and tries to swear him to secrecy? To swear his “brother” and his best friend to secrecy? How can anyone ship this?! How?!

And to top it off,  her telling him to never tell anyone who he really is has to hit hard even on a personal level, too; given that his greatest insecurity in life has always been finding out who he really is, and if there’s anywhere where he really belongs. But, then again, I wouldn’t expect Day to know that, considering the guy never reveals anything personal about himself to her! But, no, they’re sooooooo in love. How adorbs uwu

No, Jon, don’t just tell Sansa and Arya. Pick them up and run away with them. Take Bran, too. Take all the redeemable characters and hightail it out of this terrible relationship and show and never look back

(it would be so ideal, if not for the fact that there must there always be a Stark in Winterfell)

Oh, nice victim-blaming there, Dany. You’re right, though. Sansa’s not the girl Jon grew up with. She’s better

Funny how Dany’s tears magically disappear the moment she thinks she’s getting what she wants

Wow, would you look at that. Dany trying to cut Jon off from his family, and giving him the “me or them” ultimatum. It’s a beautiful parallel to other such great moments, such as Balon telling Theon to choose between the Starks and the Greyjoys in S2, Cersei telling Jaime to choose her and Tywin over Tyrion in S4, and Joffrey forcing Sansa to pick sides between him and her family pretty much throughout the entireties of seasons 1 and 2. I mean, can anyone say life goals?

“So… where am I supposed to call if someone fictional I love is trapped in an abusive relationship?” – My Wonderful Dad

On a happier note, my OTP is together. I’m happy

(and maybe I’m wearing my shipping goggles, but Jaime looks like a man who just realized that he’s in love. Fight me)

Now why D&D won’t give me more of them, I’ll never know. Oh, wait… it’s because they hate their fans

Aaaaaand… this might be the tensest war council ever. How will Jon try to keep the peace this time?

Anyone ever notice that people tend to handle Dany like they did Joffrey – which is to say, like you would a petulant child?

And on today’s episode of “Let’s Just Listen to Sansa”, Sansa says something sensible and everyone ignores her… again

Okay, so I can already hear everyone calling for Jon’s head for apparently snapping at Sansa, but just from a different perspective, the look he gave her seems less like someone who’s taking sides, and more like someone trying to keep their family member out of trouble, imo. In fact, it resembles the look my wonderful Brother gives me whenever I get carried away with my big mouth (which is often)

Sansa knows, Brienne. That is all

Yes, Dany. Go get the throne already. But when Cersei kicks your lizard butt, don’t say Sansa didn’t tell you so

Finally! All the Starks together!!! (and, yes, until Jon starts saying “burn them all”, I will continue to view him as a Stark, thank you very much)

And on today’s episode of “Jon Tries to Keep the Peace”, Jon has to realize that he doesn’t need to shoulder everything on his own

Yeah… no offense, Arya, but I don’t really think we needed Dany and her scaly babies all that much. They were pretty much useless in the fight. At least from what I could see…

#still salty about squinting

Oh, boy. Arya saying Dany’s not one of us. I can already hear the D stans screaming how she’s pocket-sized assassin Donald Trump

Awww, Sansa coming to Jon’s emotional aide and assuring him he’s Ned’s child as much as the rest of them are

Awww, Arya coming to Jon’s emotional aide and telling him he’s her brother – just her brother, nothing less

“Darn it, kids! Just hug it out! Hug!!!” – My Wonderful Dad

This is seriously tearing Jon apart inside, and Kit is nailing it with his acting

Yes, you are family. Never forget that *tears up*

So, I kind of wanted Sansa and Arya’s reaction to the news, but since I don’t trust D&D to effectively  write such a powerful scene, I’m okay that we didn’t get it

(fanfic writers, on the other hand – please, work your magic)

I want a spin-off series with Jaime and Tyrion hanging out. I said what I said

Jaime being an awkward dork in love is my aesthetic. Again, I said what I said

It’s probably just me, but the fact that Jaime didn’t fully loosen up with Tyrion until the latter said something snide kind of pulls at my heartstrings. Like, he was fully expecting to get mocked – he was fricking waiting for it, almost – and that look of disbelief when Tyrion said he was happy for him… I just… *curls in a corner and cries*

Can I please just give everyone in Westeros a hug. Please? The Starks (Jon included), the Lannisbros… heck, I’ll even hug Cersei and Dany, why not?

(I’ll hug them with less gusto, though…)

Bless the acting on the show and its actors, who help me forget how much I absolutely detest the writers

And Ramin Djawadi. Bless him, too

And his score

*sighs* Oh, Tyrion. Leave it to you to turn a nice, normal conversation into something dirty

Wait……… what the heck is Bronn doing here? How did he get here? Where did he come from?

Judging by how the Lannisbros are reacting, apparently, I’m not the only one confused

“Great. Now Bronn’s a ninja, too.” – My Wonderful Brother

“I still stand by what I once said: Bronn should’ve been written off in “The Spoils of War”.” – My Wonderful Dad

Tyrion gets punched in the face. Jaime immediately gets to his feet for a fight. As it should be, and I love it

So… remember how I asked who curses more between the Hound and Bronn? I think it’s Bronn, going by this conversation

Bronn: Cersei’s screwed // Jaime: *message checked and read at 9:58pm*

A.k.a. my boy doesn’t care and I’m living for it

Hey, Bronn… kindly refrain from shooting arrows at my problematic child’s head. Thank you

Yep, this is definitely a D&D episode. Even if I didn’t look at the opening credits, I could’ve figured it out. Want to know why? The abundance of manhood jokes

So, what I’m getting is that Bronn basically just came by to see if his ship was confirmed and to negotiate for a castle. Sounds legit

Arya accompanying the Hound on his journey was Beric’s last wish, so that she may continue their legacy of buddy-cop movies

(or, at least, that’s what I’m telling myself to overlook the fact that Arya heading off to tick names off her kill list is a huge step backwards for her character)

Yeah, Dany, stop smiling. Rhaegal still has holes in his wings. If you really loved your “child”, you would let him recover completely before dragging him into a war

Wow, Sansa is really ticked. Like, really, really ticked. I’m expecting some very interesting metas on the subject…

Yes, Tyrion, you’re afraid of Dany. Admit it. There’s no shame in it – I’d be afraid of her too, if I knew she sucked everyone’s purpose and personality out of them just by interacting with them

(which I do, so I guess I’m scared of her, too)

Alright, so I can already hear the Dany stans bashing Sansa for “betraying Jon’s trust”, but she promised not to tell if Jon told her. Bran told her, so therefore, loophole

Also, she’s doing it to protect Jon. A nice little foil to how Dany tried to make Jon keep the secret earlier, knowing full well it would hurt him

And got to love how Sansa adds “someone better” to the end of her statement. She believes in Jon, and not just when it comes to drinking

*sighs* It feels like all the Starklings are leaving, and it saddens me

“When Jon Snow cares more about Rhaegal’s well-being than Dany does, take warning.” – My Wonderful Brother

Tormund: *makes quip about Jon’s weight* // My Wonderful Dad: “You know, now that he mentions it, the guy could stand to eat more. Matter of fact, so could Jaime. And Bran. They all need to go see Hot Pie, stat. Seriously, doesn’t anyone feed these guys?”

“Not since Dany burnt the wagons of food, apparently.” – Me

“And now part of me wants to ship supplies to Westeros.” – My Wonderful Dad, making a joke that I laughed way too much at

Cue my wonderful Brother and I sharing a smile over how protective our wonderful Dad is of his fictional grandchildren

Awwwww… Ghost. My poor baby

Yep, Tormund’s still trying to make Jonmund happen

Jon instinctively knowing Gilly’s pregnant brings me so much joy, for some reason

On another note… GILLY’S PREGNANT! SAM’S GOING TO BE A DAD!

(shout-out to @cantfightfatetoo, who speculated with me. You’re amazing!!!)

Aw!!! Baby Jon and Little Sam!!! My heart…

“I hope it’s a girl”. Yet again, another arrow through my heart – but this one not as joyous. Jon just comes off as so broken down in this episode, I can’t help but feel badly for him . It feels like I’m watching someone trapped in a toxic relationship while the rest of the world keeps moving on around him. It just feels like he’s at his lowest point, imo… even lower than when he came back to life. And that’s just sad

Good thing he still gets the best hugs, though

“WHAT?! REALLY, JON?! YOU’RE JUST GOING TO LEAVE GHOST LIKE THAT?! REALLY?!” – My Wonderful Brother

“TAKE HIM! HE’S WORTH MORE THAN ANY DOOFY DRAGON!!! JUST TAKE THE GOODEST BOY IN ALL OF WESTEROS!!!” – My Wonderful Dad

Okay, so a part of me wants to believe that if Jon did properly say good-bye to Ghost, he’d never again muster the strength to leave Winterfell and his family. Another part of me is really ticked. And another part of me still is annoyed at the fact that this was all to cut down on the CGI budget, most likely… even though it was totally fine to spend the cash on that dragon-riding scene from episode 1

*sighs* ANYWAY…

On the less depressing side, it’s sort of like Jon left his past behind to figure out his future. Ghost, Sam and Gilly, Tormund… they’re all physical manifestations of who he was, and he has to come to terms with who he is, so……….

Nah, frick it. YOU SHOULD’VE SAID GOOD-BYE TO GHOST!!! DARN IT, D&D, LET THE MAN SAY GOOD-BYE TO HIS DIREWOLF!!! LET HIM!!!

#JUSTICE FOR GHOST

*ten minutes later*

So… I’ve calmed down. Now, where were we?

Grey Worm smiled. That definitely means something bad is going to happen

Oh, dear. Tyrion told Varys. Welp, there goes that secret. Good

No, Tyrion. Everything that happened didn’t happen because Lyanna didn’t love Robert back. It happened because Rhaegar was the literal embodiment of Mambo #5

“She’s his aunt.” Thank you, Varys. The last of only two sane people left in Westeros

Tyrion is trying waaaaay too hard to convince himself that Dany’s a good person/a good ruler, and I respect him less for it

“Look, Tyrion. Jaime saw the warning signs with Dany, Varys sees the warning signs with Dany. They both served under Aerys personally. If you were really as clever as you like to boast you are, you’d hear them out.” – My Wonderful Dad

Tyrion, the #1 Dany stan, everyone. *Blackfish voice* I’m disappointed

Say what you will about Dany and her reptile children, but their score is epic. Unfortunately

Oh, shoot! Rhaegal got shot?!

(I mean, I’d read it in the leaks, but I didn’t think it was true…)

So… a dance of dragons 2.0 with just one dragon? I wonder if musical chair rules apply in deciding who gets to ride it

Euron makes the creepiest faces

NOPE. SCRATCH THAT. DANY DOES

Aaaaaaaand… she just left everyone behind. Inspiring

“Did a ship mast just land on Tyrion’s head?” – My Wonderful Dad

“Good. Maybe it’ll knock some sense into him.” – My Wonderful Brother

Grey Worm looking for Missandei is breaking my heart all over again. Especially if the leaks are to be believed

And back in King’s Landing with Cersei, and… ACTUAL VIBRANT CLOTHING OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!

Lena Headey, you are rocking that red

Euron and Cersei still have more chemistry than Jon and Dany, and that’s disturbing

Ah, Qyburn. I had this really weird dream that he and Cersei were a thing, and… well, never mind. I have really weird dreams

(For instance, there was this one time when Jon and Jaime opened up a restaurant called “J&J’s” and all the other characters were their employees. Let’s just say it was chaos)

Soooooo… Cersei’s baby. Is there a baby? Was there ever a baby? Why does she seem all disoriented when the baby’s brought up? Tell me about the baby!!!

Nooooooo. Not Missandei. *resolves not to cry because, dang it, I know I’m going to sob later*

Oh, hi, Dany. Yeah… I’m not in the mood for you right now

Varys, you’re my third favorite character. Congratulations

Man, I knew Varys cared about the people, but I had no idea just how much. Seriously, why has no one made this guy the hand of the king yet?

Oh, yeah, because every person he’s served thus far has either been evil or an idiot. Or, in Dany and Joffrey’s cases, both

…… Dany’s talking about destiny now. First official villain achievement, unlocked

Talking in third person. Second villain achievement, unlocked. All she has to do now is spin a globe… or stroke a map, considering these are medieval-esque times

So, Dany’s going to save the world from tyrants by… becoming a tyrant. Okay, then

Bravo to Emilia Clarke’s acting, though. She’s nailing Dark!Dany

Varys echoing what I said about destiny speeches being in a villain’s wheelhouse. Thank you

(Turns out I really did learn something from binge-watching multiple animes)  

Dany’s convinced she’s here to save us all, a.k.a., she has a savior complex. And yet my extended family laughed at me when I diagnosed her with that during our Thanksgiving get-together. It’s going to be fun to see them again this year

(Now I just need Varys to confirm that Jaime most likely has PTSD, and I’ll be completely vindicated)

No, Tyrion, Jon “bent the knee” because he needed flying, fire-breathing lizards to help him destroy undead popsicles. Not because he wanted to give up his crown for lolz

Any more manhood jokes and I’m going to pull a Tommen right out my bedroom window

Varys is me. Varys has always been me. I love Varys. The end

Okay, I’m starting a petition to get Jaime some new clothes. Who’s with me?

Yipee. Cersei’s winning. And if she wasn’t winning, Dany would be. I. Just. Can’t. Win *bangs head against wall*

Oh, no, Sansa. I still think you’ll have your crack at Cersei. At least, you’d better

No, Jaime. No. I know that look. That’s your “I’m about to do something so ridiculously dumb that no one else would ever dare to do for reasons” look. Don’t even think about doing what you’re thinking of doing

In other news, has anyone else ever noticed how the guy seems to age about twenty years whenever Cersei's in the picture (or mentioned)? Just saying…

Brienne has super-hearing. Take that, wights from the last episode who could hear droplets of blood

Jaime, no. What are you doing, you idiot…

Awwww, Brienne. The way she just straight up takes his face in her hands and tells him how much she believes in him… it’s just… *tears up*

And the way he looks at her like he wants to believe her even if he doesn’t fully believe it himself… I mean…

(Don’t even try to tell me that this isn’t a direct parallel to Jon and Dany’s scene before, because I won’t accept it)

No no no no no no no… don’t cry, Brienne. Jaime, listen to her. She loves you, she really does. Don’t make her cry…

Nooooo… the way he holds onto her wrist and strokes it and looks down. I can’t…

Jaime, you know you want to stay. You know you do. So stay

Oh, shoot. There’s that heartless façade he used with Edmure in S6. Oh, no… not against Brienne. Don’t use it against her, no matter what the reason

Yeah, yeah, Cersei’s dandy. You did a lot of terrible things for her. We know. That doesn’t mean we’re just going to accept you leaving

You would’ve killed everyone in Riverrun for Cersei, but you didn’t kill anyone in Riverrun… because of Brienne. So there

“She’s hateful, and so am I.” Yeah, maybe I’m just putting you on a pedestal, pal, but I don’t think that’s entirely true

I mean, you love Tyrion when you could’ve hated him just as much as Cersei and Tywin; you saved a city from being blown to smithereens because you couldn’t just sit by and let innocents burn alive; you jumped into a bear pit with no plan and no defense to save a woman who up until that point hadn’t done much for you except call you by your name; you rode North to fight an army of undead popsicles to protect the people of the Seven Kingdoms – most of whom detest you and would be perfectly happy if you died. So are you hateful? Nope. Bitter, yes. But hateful? Try again. (I mean, you’re, like, the only member of your family who’s never killed anyone on-screen for vengeance. Honestly, for all that you claim to hate, I think the only thing you sincerely hate is yourself)

Ummmm… sorry, what was I saying again?

Honestly, though, this whole scene is just heartbreaking. I mean, Gwen and Nik just nail it. Give them their frickin’ Emmys already

(If they don’t win any, I’ll riot. And, for the love of all things good, give one to Lena Headey, too)

I’m crying my eyes out right now. My wonderful Dad and Brother are crying their eyes out right now. It’s a tearfest

I still have faith in you, my problematic child. But in D&D’s writing… not so much

If they built all this up just to have Jaime die with Cersei I’m seriously going to be ticked

Honestly, out of all the ways I would like to see his ending go, that is at the literal bottom of my list with “burnt alive by Dany”. Jaime deserves better

So does Brienne fight me

Well, I can’t really see straight because I still have tears in my eyes. But I still know Varys looks like a boss

“Umm… Cersei. You have all those scorpions and Drogon’s right there. Why not just shoot him?” – My Wonderful Dad

“Who cares? He’ll probably be written off next week, anyway, for the CGI budget’s sake.” – My Wonderful Brother

So, what I’m getting from this meeting is that the battle for the Iron Throne has come down to the war of the two pyromaniacs. Lovely

Tyrion doesn’t want to see the city burn, yet he’s still rah-rahing for Dany. I have no words

Cersei, once again, doesn’t kill Tyrion when she has the chance. Then again, she hasn’t killed Drogon yet, either, so…

Tyrion claiming Cersei’s not a monster, yet I have such little faith left in his judgement that I don’t believe him

Got to say, red really brings out Cersei’s green eyes and golden hair

(at least one of the Lannisters still has their blond locks)

And… they’re not seriously going to end things like this, right? Right?

And… they did

Just like that, it’s over

So… Missandei’s last word was “Dracarys”. How utterly terrible

And they killed Missandei. Just to further Dany’s plotline. Jorah and Rhaegal and the Dothraki weren’t enough for her to snap, oh, no, they needed to kill Missandei, too

I would rage, but I’m sure there will be plenty of metas already written about how wrong this is by the time I post this, so I won’t bother anyone with my anger

“Screw you, D&D.” – My Wonderful Dad

“Yeah, thanks for ruining everything.” – My Wonderful Brother

I share the same sentiments

They’re lucky their cast is so wonderful, otherwise I’d honestly quit watching

Meanwhile, Dany’s officially on the brink of turning dark. I do wonder what her stans will say to justify things this time

If I had to guess, it’s that she has a good heart. Haven’t heard that one 60,000 times before

Welp, that’s the end of the episode. I miss Bryan Cogman and Dave Hill

Thank you every single actor who made this episode worthwhile. I love you all more than you’ll ever know

I’m going to go eat some more ice cream

[easilydistractedbyfanfic]

6x01 Raven Reyes - Some Thoughts about Emotional Avoidance and Sex

Anybody who follows this blog knows Raven is my favorite female character on The 100. I watched 6x01 early (no self control), and I have plenty of thoughts about what happened onscreen, but this is the first time I’m writing anything down. 

I’ll start with my conclusion and put the rest under the cut if you want to see how I get there -  Bottom line - Raven does deserve happiness, it just hasn’t happened for her yet because she goes looking for the exact things that WON’T bring it to her in order to protect her heart.

My fave doesn’t deal with emotion too well, does she? Upon seeing the video from Monty and hearing about her friends and being upset by this, she then takes complete offense at Abby’s comment (understandable after the way they left things between them in S5), and storms out of the room. Sh*w follows and Raven says the line “They left us”, which definitely gives some insight into where her mindset is - she’s mad at Monty & Harper, doesn’t understand the choice they made even when Sh*w offers insight, instead telling him “No more talking”. Now... where have I heard Raven and comments about “no more talking” before? Buckle up, because I’m gonna tell you. 

1x08 - in the space of a few days, she’s come to Earth, figured out Finn cheated on her, confronted Clarke about it, saw him poisoned and close to death and therefore tortured a Grounder for an antidote, and then Octavia heckles her over her actions because Octavia sides with Lincoln - Octavia says something like “must be hard coming down here only to discover your boyfriend has moved on”. Raven literally goes to Finn and initiates sex right then, actually telling him “I don’t want to talk” and when he tries again “I don’t want to talk about it EVER” - saying she knows about Clarke but asking if Finn loves her. He replies “always” and she proceeds to kiss him again. Things continue and the short view of the aftermath is that they are both lying awake and not talking. The scene feels awkward to me like they each have things to say but aren’t saying them. Then they are interrupted. Note the lack of talking and emotional distress that pushed her into the sex - it’s literally the overall tone. 

1x11 - Raven has very recently broken things off with Finn for good (in 1x10), but things are strained between them and she is not unaffected by seeing Finn & Clarke together. When Murphy replies to her to say that Finn & Clarke are still out hunting together and his words about it goad her into another bout of jealousy/unhappiness, it is no accident that the scene literally has Murphy ripping out fish guts - his words are tearing Raven’s guts out because it hurts to be set aside so easily (as a Murven shipper, I have a lot more to say with regard to this scene but let me shut up for now). She goes right for Bellamy, telling him ‘they don’t waste time’ re Finn/Clarke. Interesting convo here where Raven is determined to move on, and she seems to think that by moving on sexually, it may help her get past seeing Finn with someone else. Bellamy warns her he is not going to “talk her out of it” or “talk her down because she’s upset”. And I can add some armchair psychology here about Raven perhaps seeing Bellamy live that love ‘em and leave ‘em attitude at this point of the show, and maybe hoping that will rub off on her. Anyway, we find out it doesn’t work when she gets out of bed quickly and when Bell asks if it helped and she says no. Note the lack of talking and emotional distress - once again the tone is set. 

2x14 - in the days prior to this, Finn dies traumatically after killing innocent people, Raven is tortured by Grounders when she’s thought to have poisoned Heda, Jasper & Monty (among others) are trapped in Mt Weather and they know they’re taking out bone marrow, she’s trying to figure out the pain & limitations of her body with the leg brace, TonDC has blown up and she can’t figure out how to solve the acid fog which is what their whole plan to go into Mt. Weather depends on, including Bellamy who’s undercover there. She literally blames herself early in this episode - “...because I can’t figure this out.” So she’s stressed. Wick makes her laugh and together they solve the acid fog issue, which makes them both relieved and somewhat giddy. They leave each other after flirting but Raven soon returns and just kisses Wick. He says it’s a bad idea - she says “We’re going to war. Stop talking.” She chastises him again, saying “what did I say about talking” when he tries to. They have sex. Afterwards, she gets up quickly to dress and he tries to connect/reach out to her/says he’s in but she has to figure it out. He accuses her of shutting down. She does not respond. He says “this was too much” and she does not deny it. She only says “we have a war to win” - aka we can infer that either this was a mistake to her or that she tried, yet again, to use sex as a way to avoid emotional distress, but it didn’t really work out for her. Again with the lack of talking - at least on her part - and while I do think there was attraction and chemistry here, there was emotional distress involved and we have that confirmed with Wick’s comment of “this was too much”. 

And now we’re back at 6x01 -  Raven literally goes from near tears over Monty and Harper to rage at Abby to hurt that Monty and Harper “left us” to kissing Sh*w and saying “no more talking”. Aww, my poor little avoidance baby. For his part, Sh*w makes attempts at saying romantic sorts of things - saying “...spending a life... with someone you love...” sounds good to him, also insinuating that he would not go on a long-term mission then or now if he had her. Meanwhile, my fave girl is reading a book, talking about Becca’s accomplishments (I have so much crap to talk about here but once again I will shut up), wondering what Becca was like and then calling it sex (and not making love). At no time does she say her feelings to him or about him in this scene, but it does seem to have distracted her from what she was feeling on the Bridge. There’s talking, but for her part, the focus is Becca or suggesting more sex aka changing the subject. And do we really think the emotional distress is gone, or just put off in the moment? 

So what are we left with when we consider all of this? First, let me say that as a Murven shipper, I realize that I come to the table with some biases, but let me also say that I I am a fan of this character, not just my ship, and I rewatched EVERY SINGLE SEX SCENE IN THIS SHOW for comparison purposes and when we look at both Monty/Harper onscreen along with Kane/Abby, they both show conversations after sex that get them onto the same page, make a connection. Even Clarke/Finn have a revealing moment although there is some teasing there too. What was interesting to me was that Clarke/L*xa included a comment about “we don’t have to talk at all”, but I’m not touching that one with a 20ft pole. However - let’s note that Clarke/Niylah has Clarke saying “Niylah, would you mind not talking?” and gosh what does THAT remind us of?

Anyway, my girl Raven has been traumatised by the love she had for Finn and hasn’t allowed herself to get anywhere near that since he slept with Clarke and broke her heart. She was willing to forgive him, and they both agreed they’d always be each other’s family, and in a past post, I discussed why I think she really doesn’t hold some kind of a grudge towards Clarke about all this - as in, she doesn’t blame Clarke for Finn cheating, but she may still be hurt/sad that the whole thing happened, I guess we’ll see about that. Lemme know if you wanna read it. BUT even so, that doesn’t mean that she trusts love or even feels romantic love at this point, and I could do a whole other post on how I think she rushed herself into Sh*w just because he was there and it was even OOC for her, but it’s late and i’m tired and as you can see, I spend way too much time thinking about this stuff anyway. 

Let me say it again - Raven does deserve happiness, it just hasn’t happened for her yet because she goes looking for the exact things that WON’T bring it to her in order to protect her heart. All you have to do to see what will make her happy in the future is to look at what made her happy in the past *cough cough intimacy best friend & family, guy who looked out for her cough cough*. And BY THE WAY - even though it might fit with her arc, it still pissed me off that they had her sleep with this dude so fast just to increase her pain, damn it. Like - I see you, misogyny! Get outta here!

[agentdammers]

Grand Torchwood Rewatch 1x12 & 13

IF YOU FALL I WILL CATCH U I’LL BE WAITING........ T I M E A F T E R T I M E

One season down...... It’s a Finale Double Whammy, just as it aired back in 2007! Crumbs of Jack Lore drop into our laps, some absolute plot bullshit takes place, an old man is there!!! fuck it let’s get this over with

content warn: pisstaking, fun having, oh! plot bullshit!, i absolutely lose my fucking mind, Owen Harper!!! I Won’t Hesitate Bitch

1x12 “captain jack harkness”

- a thought before we dive in, but man owen gets A LOT of story stuff over the course of the 2 seasons he’s in right??? like more story stuff than ianto and tosh combined. interesting

- AH FUCK!!! A VOTE SAXON POSTER. REMEMBER WHEN?

- so..... here’s a thing. “Ohhh people have heard music from a derelict building! better send torchwood in!” how... does that come about? Could it be squatters or something??? fuck it, let’s send in a Secret Government Agency! they’ll sort it out. i mean we don’t know what they do exactly but i imagine at least one of them is a ghostbuster or something lmao, whatever

- OH NO THIS CREEPY OLD BITCH!!! i forgot how scary he looked!! god, this dude must be a million, or a vampire, or likely both

- tosh’s eyes get SO BIG WHEN THAT GUY ASKS HER TO DANCE I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! she’s the best one!!!!!!

- wish i could wipe this episode entirely from my memory because that fucking reveal when the Real jack harkness introduces himself? F    U    C   K

- speaking of tosh, finding it extremely unconvincing that she, a tech nerd, would go out with a laptop with an almost completely flat battery... like, c’mon. she would be prepared

- Gwen cooper, a fully adult woman: haha me and my friends;;;; came here 4 a dare;;; cos its spooky lol....

- the camera on this show has me fucking SCREEEAMING “He wears a cravat.” THERE’S A DRAMATIC SLOW MOTION ZOOM IN ON THIS GUYS FUCKING CRAVAT AND THEN ON IANTO’S FACE LOOKING AT IT AND ITS ALL IN FUCKING EARNEST LET ME DIE!!!!!!!!!

- the dance they’re at is called “KISS THE BOYS GOODBYE DANCE”, which is what my finishing move would be called if i was a character in a fighting game

- ianto and owen slapfighting over their shit girlfriend experiences fucking owns genuinely lmao

- tosh pops the top off a tin and then cuts her hand open on the obviously blunt fucking lid?????? jesus christ

- “I’m tired of living in awe of the rift!!!” .....................first i’ve heard of it. I love that owen is talking as though the rift has been a major fucking factor throughout the entire series up until this point, rather than a thing that’s just been vaguely fucking referenced as the reason why a bunch of weird shit just seems to happen in cardiff. no, im not standing for this. You can’t pull out the rift at the eleventh hour and then talk about it as though it’s a Hugely Important plot device when the biggest role it’s had over the stretch of the entire 11 Whole Ass episodes prefacing this was to allow the plane to come through in “out of time”. y’all have barely mentioned the rift this entire time and now you want to act like its the hellmouth??? eat my ass!!!!!!

- and continuing on that note: apparently they’ve had a machine that can manipulate the rift in the hub......... the entire goddamn time. but no one thought to MENTION it i guess!!!!!!!! pfft, why would THAT be important??? right???? right?????

this plot bullshit almost makes me feel bad for how harsh i was about “cyberwoman” but, i will admit.... despite this Absolute Fucking Nonsense, i do find the jack and tosh storyline in this episode really fun and interesting. its just unfortunate that all the stuff arrrrround that is some kind of fic scrawled in the back of a kid’s math book.

- also the size of owen’s fucking NADS in this episode!!!!!!!! “Don’t compare yourself to me.” SAYS MAN CRYING OVER THE GIRL HE KNEW FOR ONE (1!) (SINGULAR) WEEK!!!! as opposed to ianto’s longterm girlfriend being turned into a monster and eventually murdered by his own team!!!! Like, i understand that’s owen’s problem actually goes beyond that, and its not so much about diane herself but about the fact that he let himself feel close to someone again after his fiancee died but for us, The Audience, watching this as it airs... we haven’t unlocked owen’s tragic backstory yet. and without knowing all that it just makes owen look really bad and like a huge fucking tool lmfao.

- NEVERMIND THE END IS GAY AND SAD AND Y’KNOW!!!!!! i am a man of simple pleasures, at heart, and so... i’ll let it slide. jack meeting his namesake knowing that he’s going to die and them having a moment is more of the kind of emotional content we would get in episodes of doctor who, and its Just Right

- in honesty, theres a bunch of stuff about this ep that i DO like. that tosh gets a prominant role for a change, while gwen gets to do fuck all. the whole Real Jack story. owen gets shot and pops a tit out at the end. its just unfortunate thats its all wrapped up in this rift thing thats been wheeled out last minute for a Big Season Finale with no real foreshadowing or build up to it at all lmao. but, moving on...............................................................................................

1x13 “end of days”

- RHYS BUNS DETECTED, A SOUND WAY TO KICK OFF ANY EPISODE

- lovely reading voice ianto’s got..... i also like owen acting up to make sure we know that they remember him being shot in the shoulder last episode lol.

- “owen, if you open the rift you’ll break it” (owen opens the rift anyway) “owen, you opening the rift broke it” (owen GASPS IN DISMAY, ME??? REALLY?) yes bitch open your ears

- “So are we going to sit around crying into our lattes or are we gonna do something about it?” OWEN..... IS THIS. SUPPOSED TO SOUND BADASS I.... GENUINELY CANT TELL? IT SOUNDS BAD, OWEN

- jack was so likeable last ep now he’s a DICK. gwen calls him out on how he talked to owen and he’s really fucking catty at HER for no reason at all????

- i haaaaaaaaate this scene in the hospital where a Mystery Illness has all the fucking symptoms of the bubonic plague but apparently every doctor in the entire hospital never did high school level history and are all incapable of recognising it. if fucking *i* know what symptoms of the bubonic plague are im sure they didn’t need Absolute Brain Genius Owen Harper who is seemingly the only person with any sense in cardiff to come in and diagnose it. i also hate how owen just like casually mentions to the doctor yep, this is caused by people falling through time dude yknow!!! like they do!! expect more of this to keep happening probably idk!!

- “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU OPENED THE RIFT WITH THIS MACHINE WE HAVE THAT’S FOR UHHHHHHHH UHHHHHHH OPENING THE RIFT *big fuck off galaxy brain*” thats basically this episode.

- i love that owen has followed jack all this time but NOW in a crisis is the time to actually lose it and start questioning his authority bc they dont Actually know who jack is like???? you’ve been fine not knowing this entire time before??? thats not to say that jack isn’t an entire dumbass himself. he expects them all to follow him blindly and its so creepy. he’s like a cult leader, and as they all have Torchwood Stockholm Syndrome that ive mentioned in previous episode run downs they’ve all just gone along with it.

- owen having a little cry on the way out is such a Good scene bc he puts on such a brave and defiant front tho 💕💖💘💕

- i dont know why the really quick flashback to diane flying off in the plane made me lose my fucking mind, its just like “LMAO IN CASE U FORGOT: SHE WAS THE PLANE LADY. I KNOW SHE WAS ONLY IN FOR LIKE TWO MINUTES, BUT DONT WORRY ABOUT IT.”

- gwen for fucks sake!!!!!!!! not again!!!!! after all the cryptic shit and lies she’s told rhys up until this point, she now knocks him out and locks him in a cell and STILL offers no explanation. this poor fucking dude!!!!!!!!! and it’s about to get even worse for him...

- the way gwen screams “RHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUURRRRRSSSSS”

- YES EVERYONE REBEL AGAINST JACK!!!!!!! FUCK THIS DUDE!!!! you’re doing what a creepy old dude who is Absolutely Definitely evil wants, but still

- why does gwen start doing shit on the computer when toshiko, the computer expert, is standing right there, like.............

- JACK TRYING TO SMACKTALK TO ENTIRE GANG LIKE HIS OWN CLOSET ISN’T CHOCKFUL OF FUCKING SKELETONS

- i forget, does anyone know jack’s immortal apart from gwen? or was it just the shock of owen actually Shooting Their Boss? the only onscreen death i can recall of his after suzie shot him was in “cyberwoman”

- god, minutes ago they were all like FUCK JACK!!!! JACK DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO SAVE US AFTER ALL!!! and now theyre all crawling back asking jack to save them all from cgi pig Ganon and its just..... a lot to happen, over the space of about half an hour.

- the ending is so anticlimatic and also why does sucking all the Yummy Life Energy out of jack make abaddon die?????????? Though in its defence... after like 3 bowls of cereal, i too am like OUCH OOF MY BONES

- aaaaaaaaaand rhys is back! will he get treated any better from here on out? i dont remember!!! guess we’ll see.

- bit much of gwen who’s actually known jack the shortest time of them all to be like NO, let ME be with him uwuwuwuuw

- ahhh!!! ianto smelling jack’s coat ;_;

- aaaand jack’s back too. AND HE GETS TO HOLD A CRYING OWEN? FOR ME? oh you shouldn’t have! this Almost makes up for all that rift plot bullshit (almost. i still know what u did.)

- ANDDDDD OH SHIT. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE GOOD ENDING. HERE COMES THE TARDIS. FUCKING YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...............................and there it goes. one season down. sorry this one was so long!!! i love and appreciate anyone to takes the time to read these posts. thank u!!!!

[backstage-bucknell]

Thoughts in an Early Morning Zoom

by Anjalee Deshpande Hutchinson

I am in a zoom call with about 60 people. It is a Michael Chekhov session with teachers and practitioners from around the world. A teacher named Connie Rotunda is giving us a lesson on somatic movement using only our hands as proxies for the entire body of the actor. She begins simply with “interlace your hands. Now – examine how they are interlaced and interlace them the other way, with the other thumb on top. And there you are, in the uncomfortable place, the unfamiliar place. And all you want to do is go back to what was comfortable before.” She continued with, ‘Now with the hand with the thumb on top – begin to caress the hand with the thumb underneath. Let your hand move around in this new place and begin to find new ways of being.”

I am instantly reminded of being pregnant. Some people love the feeling of being pregnant. Others, like myself, enjoy the idea of it – but the reality of it is a kind of disembodiment. It is an extended stay in a body that is no longer your own. It is uncomfortable. The weight bearing, the new center of gravity, the change in how you see yourself and how you are seen. Not just a new stomach but a new face, new skin, new smells, new inability to hold your pee, new hunger and new heat, new sexuality and new sweat. New everything. The word ‘new’ begins to sound ridiculous. It loses its meaning. You are completely changed and mostly, you hate this change. You feel fat and ugly and tired and unproductive and forgetting everything and unsexy and so much less than you once were. And as everyone tells you not to worry, that your body will go back to normal once the baby is born somewhere inside of you, you know different. As the wise women say, you know it in your bones and in your breath. Going through this will change you. You will never be the person you were before. You will be transformed.

The somatic zoom workshop continues and as I am moving my hands from the wrist, to the elbow, up to shoulders and back to hands again, I hear her call the interlacing of hands ‘home.’ Each series of exercises end by returning to home. The unfamiliar interlacing very slowly begins to become more familiar, becoming the new place I return to, and brings with it new feelings and new sensations. I find I begin to like them. She calls this learning to partner yourself. I imagine partnering myself, hand cradling hand, hand grounding hand, hand companionship. Hand fellowship. A communion of hands.

I remember the feeling of having a person growing inside. A person you don’t know. A person that is not you but with you. A person you cannot touch but can feel and who can, in some way feel you. You sing to them. You speak to them. You share stories and moments with them. You slowly become a ‘we’ and somehow, the connection that you have to this person that you cannot touch with your hands becomes tangible. The love is real. Despite this strange distance between you. You are not together in a normal way, but you partner each other through this strange time you share.

Suddenly the teacher calls out for us to change how our hands are interlaced back again, to the original way we were back before the change. So I do it. And it is a relief. And yet – weirdly – some part of me immediately misses the other way. The way I had gotten used to, the new way of being. She tells us this is actually normal and not to go back but to imagine what it used to feel like. What it is that we miss.

I remember forgetting the details of pregnancy. How after having given birth, it seems you can’t quite remember what it felt like to have a baby move inside of your belly or how the heaviness and discomfort of it all felt. The idea of the physicality of it becomes abstract. And how somedays you actually long to remember that feeling. The weight. Even the discomfort. It is easy to long for it from this side of the river, the safe side, knowing you got across just fine. But when you are in it, you just wanted it all to be over.

And then suddenly one day, it is.

In one moment so much pain and in the next, it’s over. All of it. The pain and the partnership. The strain. The discomfort. The fear but also the connection. The strange magic of the unfamiliar. The person who was right there with you now isn’t. Now you can touch them, but you are not connected like you used to be. You were in such a rush for this to be over but then when it is you find yourself a little sad. Why? It doesn’t make any sense.

The workshop ends and the teacher reminds us of the Eugenio Barba Quote that she began with,  "Someone who studies the joints of the hands does not ignore the importance of the heart, even if s/he never mentions the heart." We all let go of our interlaced hands and I imagine all of our interlaced hearts. Me. My family. My students. All the actors and directors on Broadway. Their stage managers. All the theatre moms across the globe. All the theatre kids growing up in this strange unfamiliar world. All of us dreaming of future moments onstage together.

I think to myself, God we are all so pregnant. Like huge 6,7,8 months pregnant. And we hate living in this new way of being because we miss our old selves. If only there was a way to look past the fear from across the river and know without a shadow of a doubt that we’ll all be okay. That this will all be over one day in what feels like an instance. And that the discomfort will become fuzzy in our memories and someday on the other side of this we may strain to remember what this was all like; the loneliness, the isolation but also the strange wonderful connections being forged right now, one weird zoom call at a time. If only we could imagine how we will be transformed! How one day the next generation of friends and family will ask what this all felt like and we will tell them how we found moments of joy among the fear, comfort despite the distance and strange new blessings amidst the uncertainty and loneliness and boredom. How we became pioneers of the new age and made an art out of transforming the unfamiliar into the familiar. How we made homes in spaces we could once only imagine, how we found treasures among what we thought were only ruins.

The zoom call ends. People leave one by one. Each one blinking out in an instant. One day this will all just be over in a blink. And although it will never be what it was before, it will also never be this strange horrible wonderful in-between the we are all experiencing together - this  experiment in what it means to be human – to be connected and lonely and despairing and joyful and anxious and alive. Alive and filled with possibility. The possibility that all of this is an act of becoming. That we are on the precipice of becoming who maybe we were all meant to be all along. Connected.

I look at myself onscreen. My virtual self. Or is it my real self? I smile. I take a breath. I interlace my hands again. Moving my thumb back and forth. I try to find home.

I end the call. 

[riga789]

Yellow & Blue (Maya and Lucas one shots) — 2

Read on ao3 | ff.net

By the time Lucas let himself into his apartment near midnight, he was frozen and bone tired.

New York was experiencing a particularly severe blizzard, which had caused enough chaos to necessitate incorporating the entire NYPD into the full-scale disaster management efforts. Lucas’s entire shift — which had turned into nearly thirty-six continuous duty hours, punctuated only by a short, snatched nap to catch up on sleep — had involved investigating thefts, muggings, and robberies by perpetrators who seemed to think it was a good idea to take advantage of the foul weather and the hapless people who had got caught outdoors and were struggling to make it home.

The warmth that hit him as soon as he entered the apartment nearly made him groan in relief. Though his precinct wasn’t too far from his place, the arctic conditions outside, and the fact that he was so exhausted that a toddler was more capable than him of defending itself, had made the journey back a herculean task.

He barely managed to shut the door behind him before staggering to the couch and falling face-down on the cushions. It took his fuzzy brain a full minute to register that, since he’d been away for over a day, his apartment should be as cold as him instead of its current warm and toasty.

“Looky here! A real live Ranger Rick. Or at least, a not dead one.”

Lucas was so tired that he barely managed to raise his head at the voice, before the identity of its owner registered. (At least his instincts were sound — even as dead as he was, he would have sensed and reacted to actual danger if there was any. He hoped.)

“Maya.” He sagged back onto the couch with a groan.

“You look like you got run over by a herd of cows, Huckleberry.” Maya sat down on the couch, by his head.

“Two herds,” he mumbled, turning over stiffly so he could see his girlfriend’s face. “Led by Tombstone the bull.”

The sight of her in her sweatpants, fuzzy socks, and the big, thick sweater falling off one shoulder made him smile for the first time in two days.

“It’s a good thing it’s just you,” he told her, shutting his eyes and moving his head to her lap. “If it was a burglar, I’d probably have to just let them rob the place.”

““Just me” will remember to take your Playstation the next time you’re too busy playing cops and robbers.” Maya ran her fingers through his hair. Exhausted seemed too tame a word to describe Lucas’s current condition. His skin was pale, there were shadows under his eyes, and she could feel his cold fingers through the fabric of her sweatpants. “Come on, let’s get you out of these frozen clothes.”

Despite his exhaustion, Lucas managed to muster up a sly grin. “Shortstack, as much as I’d love to, I don’t think I’m in any condition tonight to—”

“Awww, that’s too bad.” Maya pushed his head off her lap and rose from the couch. “And here I got all... ready for you. I’m not wearing any underwear,”  she added when his green eyes snapped open.

Lucas lunged for her hand, and Maya jumped out of the way with a small shriek, laughing as he almost fell off the couch.

“You’re evil,” he told her, climbing stiffly to his feet and staggering after her into the bedroom. “I can barely walk.”

“Hot shower. Change.” she said, taking a t-shirt and a pair of worn sweats from his dresser and pushing them into his hands. She pressed close to him, slid her arms around his neck. “We can have some hot chocolate, warm up,” she murmured. “Maybe then you’ll be in better shape to....”

Warm, languid heat seeped into him as she pressed her lips her his, drew the kiss out. When she let go, his exhaustion and her kiss had him floating.

She gave his cheek a quick pat. “Quick it up,” she said, smirking. “Hot chocolate’s awaiting.” She sauntered off.

Ten minutes later, feeling considerably less like a frozen popsicle, Lucas sat cocooned in a blanket on the couch. He had one arm wrapped around Maya, who was curled up on his lap and sharing the blanket with him, and a mug of steaming hot chocolate in the other. A fire burned in the fireplace, adding to the cosiness of the apartment.

Maya had put on Brooklyn Nine-Nine on Netflix — she always teased Lucas that his workplace was really like it was portrayed on the show. Lucas wished that was true, he loved the show, especially after a shift like this one. At least she’d spared him the torture of watching A Million Ways to Die in the West, one of those movies she found entertaining for reasons Lucas couldn’t fathom, other than that it involved cowboys and poking fun at him.

“I thought we’d heat up one of your mom’s pasta bakes for dinner,” Maya said. She’d checked his freezer, and as usual, it was stocked with a good selection of his mama’s home-cooked food.

Lucas simply grunted in response, leaning his head on Maya’s shoulder. After so many hours of being alert and active, he could finally let himself unwind. The warmth was making the stress slowly drain away, leaving him feeling pleasantly relaxed.

His brain was still as fuzzy as it was when he came home, but that was okay, since he didn’t plan to use it for anything more challenging than deciding where to cuddle up with his girlfriend or what to do for a meal. He wasn’t going to think about anything other than spending some much-needed quality time with Maya for the next forty-eight hours.

He pressed a kiss to her jaw, the part of her he could most easily reach without moving, and felt her smile where her cheek rested against his forehead.

Barely a few minutes later, as the adventures of Jake Peralta and the Pontiac Bandit continued to play out onscreen, Maya felt Lucas’s breathing deepen against her neck, where he’d buried his face. She glanced down, only to find that he had fallen fast asleep.

She rescued his mug of hot chocolate, which had begun to tilt dangerously and was at risk of depositing its hot contents all over their laps — he’d managed to have only half of it before passing out.

“Such a huckleberry,” she murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

She was rewarded with a loud snore.

[thorne93]

Decisions, Decisions (Part 1)

Prompt: Imagine Tom Hiddleston has a crush on you and he is feeling jealous of James McAvoy on “The Graham Norton Show” because James talks about how great the chemistry was between you, his co-star, and him in your latest film.

Warnings: language

Word Count: ~3300

Note: Beta’d by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes - This fic would NOT be possible without you, and @amarvelouswritings - who let me badger the hell out of her. Thank you both a million! Used @theartofimagining13 imagine

Also, some of the timelines are going to be off in this, to make stuff fit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were fidgeting with your red skin tight dress as you stood backstage at the Graham Norton show with your current co-star James McAvoy and ex-costar Tom Hiddleston. You checked your phone for the eighteenth time, seeing a text from your best friend in the whole world, Ida.

“Good luck! : )” she sent, upbeat and encouraging as always. She’d been your good friend for five years now and she was busy with her music journalist job, interviewing Metallica tonight.

“Thanks!” you replied back.

“You ready for this, Y/N?” James asked, his Scottish accent so thick and so nice, you loved the way your name sounded on his lips. He was buttoning his suit jacket as he glanced your way. You tried not to stare, but goddamn was that hard. He was funny, handsome, clever, charming, talented….there wasn’t anything you didn’t like about him.

“Uh, yeah,” you tried, taking a deep breath.

“So here they are, from the new movie Juxtaposition, James McAvoy and Y/F/N. And joining us as well from his new movie Kong: skull Island, Tom Hiddleston!” Graham introduced and you were waved onstage. You two walked out, the same usual spiel for these shows, grinning and waving, making sure you didn’t trip in your shiny high heels as you went and all of you shook Graham’s hand and he kissed you on the cheek then you all sat on the couch. You made sure your dress was properly adjusted, James sitting back and propping his elbow up so he was slightly turned to you. Tom sat up more than James as Graham got to it.

“Welcome all of you! Thank you for being here,” he started, smiling at you. You always loved coming to his show.

You all nodded and said your thanks back.

“So, Tom, let’s talk about Kong: Skull Island, it’s due out in a couple of weeks,” Graham said, turning to your friend on your right.

“Yes, yes it is,” he responded, smiling.

“So what was it like shooting that? I hear you went out to actual jungles to shoot some of that, did that make it hard? Like having to deal with all of the bugs and insects and animals?”

“Ah, well actually, they sprayed pretty well before we began. As far as the bigger animals, they tried to quarantine and cage off areas so things like pumas and cougars couldn’t jump on us, because you know, that would be bad,” Tom answered, laughing.

“Ah, yes, we all know how bad those cougars can be,” Graham said, winking to the audience as the group of you laughed on stage and the audience joined in.

“But the conditions of it being hot, humid, did any of that make you tire quicker than working on say an air conditioned set indoors?”

Tom thought for a moment, looking up. “Uh, no. I think it helped get into character a bit more. You felt more apart of this world, you know? Because like say for Loki or for Jonathan Pine, there is a lot of CGI, so you have to pretend a lot of what you’re doing, which is hard. It’s easy to feel silly or even a little frustrated talking to things that aren’t there, holding things that aren’t there, but being in this environment you’re constantly reminded ‘Okay we’re in a jungle being chased by a giant gorilla.’ So I think it helps keep stamina and that sort of fear up.”

“Yeah, I bet it’s hard to forget why you’re in the middle of a bug infested swampland,” Graham chuckled as Tom agreed with a nod and laugh.

Graham then turned to you and James. “So what about you two then, the same question could apply to your film. You two play a couple that aren't exactly...your typical romance.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, that is entirely typical to me,” James said with a straight face before a little smirk appeared and you laughed lightly. That was the sort of wit you loved about him, his humor always hit you right in the funny bone.

“Well okay, maybe to you, James, killing with your lover is normal, but how about you Y/N? What’s it like on this set?” Graham questioned.

“Uh...intense,” you answered. “James here is amazing at honing in on energies like that.”

“Are you calling me crazy?” James asked as you looked to him and he smiled.

“Yes, I am,” you informed matter-of-factly before you smiled again. “No, he’s just great at really getting in that mindset. When he turns into Henry Carson, there’s no denying who he is or what he’s playing.”

“Ah. I see. And James, does she act equally crazy?” Graham questioned, pointing a card at you.

He pursed his lips and you couldn’t help the smile that curled at the corners of your mouth. “Well, let’s just say she doesn’t exactly have to do much to get into character,” he teased as the audience laughed. You feigned shock and he leaned up and put his hand on your shoulder and said, “I’m kidding. I’m kidding.” Once the audience quieted down, he answered,  “No, between this and Split, I really do feel like I’m a madman. Throw in Wanted, Filth, and Victor Frankenstein, a lot of the roles I’ve played have been about sort of a twisted mind so, it’s not a hard place for me to get in.  But Y/N is exceptional. She matches my crazy pretty well.”

“I would say so. I’ve seen some of the scenes you two do together and it’s executed quite well,” Graham commended as the audience applauded and you blushed as you and James said thank you. “Now, Y/N, you seem to be cast into a lot of dark, romantic roles, do you like that or…?”

“Oh absolutely. I think it’s a good niche for me, and while I don’t want to be type cast, it also never bothers me to get those sort of...obscure, strange roles. Because I can be normal in real life, but how often do you get to act like a psycho killer or a woman who’s obsessed with her dead ex?” you asked as the audience shouted and cheered. “Right?” you said, leaning off the couch a bit and gesturing to the crowd.

“And when you say the dead ex, you mean the role you played with Tom, right?”

“Yes, the Eternal Lovers movie,” you confirmed, nodding as you looked back to Tom who smiled at you with that twinkle in his eye he always had.

“We have a clip from that movie,” Graham informed with a cheeky smile.

“Oh, please don’t tell me it's ‘the one’,” you said, covering your blushing face as you put your face in your hands.

“Well let’s just take a look,” he said as he spun and you all looked at the TV behind him. Of course, it was. It was the sex scene between you and Tom’s character. Your blush heated up further, making your face as red as the dress you were wearing. Tom was great during that scene, there was a lot of heat and it was a pretty believable scene. It was more of a passionate fuck scene than a making love scene though. It was the part right before you two were getting to the down and dirty of things, you two were clawing at each other, your mouths molding perfectly, his mouth teasing yours as you smirked. They stopped it right before Tom dipped his head down to go below your dress in the film.

Graham turned around and fanned himself with his cards as he looked at you and Tom while the audience whooped and shouted. “Well, that’s one hell of a scene.”

“Oh, please,” James said as he sat up. “You call that a sex scene? You Brits never can do anything right,” James teased as he looked to Tom and Graham made a face of complete shock and humor as the audience roared. Suddenly, you were in the crossfire of who could make you more sexually appealing. An odd sensation indeed.

“Oh, so we have some rivalry here!” Graham egged on. “I hear there are some scenes quite similar to that in Juxtaposition, is that right?”

“Yes, we have quite a few scenes,” James informed simply. “The chemistry between us is undeniable.”

“Is that so?” the host asked, intrigued.

“Oh yeah,” James informed. “Things get pretty hot and heavy between Y/N and I, the crew has to stop us before we take it too far.” He was exaggerating for comical sense, you knew that, but chemistry onscreen with James was rather effortless.

“I don’t think we have any of that footage, but maybe Y/N and you would be willing to give us a taste that could outdo the scene with Tom?” Graham offered with a bit of boasting. He turned to the audience. “How about it? Do you guys want to see them get it on on the stage here?” The roar from the crowd was answer enough.

James and you looked at each other and he shrugged.

“What the hell, right?” he said so quietly you were sure only you heard it. He leaned up and you two got closer, the anticipation building as the entire room was silent while his hand slowly made it’s way up to your hair, his cool fingers trailing on your hairline of your neck, making you shiver. Your lips got closer, ever so slightly as you leaned in just a tad more. Finally, you kissed, your mouths moving in unison as his tongue touched on your bottom lip, trailing it. The crowd erupted into a roar as you continued. For most people, kissing like this would be rather odd in front of fifty people, but a large part of your job was to get lost in the moment with another actor. This was like that but slightly different, you didn’t have to force out the others, they simply fell away as your hand glided up to his hair, slinking into his dark locks as you pulled slightly. He pulled back, just to kiss down your jawline, then your neck, your eyes closed as you reveled in the feeling. This was pretty similar to a kiss in your movie, right after you two commit your third murder. You knew things were getting steamy and just as you both realized it you pulled away from each other, a clap coming from Tom, Graham, and the crowd. You two waved to everyone as you sort of adjusted yourself again, hoping your makeup was the kind that stayed on like cement.

“Well that was quite the show. I see now what you mean by the chemistry,” Graham agreed with a twinkle in his eye. “But I think you’re tied with Tom’s scene.” You glanced back to him and he smiled shyly. Typical gentleman. You smiled at him and scrunched your nose.

Graham moved on with the rest of the show and it continued to stay upbeat and fun and lively. The show ended and James bid you a goodnight as you went to the dressing room to gather some of your things.

“You won’t believe what just happened,” you texted Ida. She was going to flip over the whole live-almost-sex scene thing. She knew you had a budding thing for James as soon as you got this role. You were a huge fan of his work and it was a dream to work with him. She nearly screamed when you got to work with Tom though, telling you that you should introduce them but due to timing and film schedules you three were never in the same city at the same time.

You grabbed your purse, your sneakers, your jacket and left the dressing room and ran into Tom out in the hall.

“Oh hey!” you said. “It’s so good to see you after all this time. Congrats on Kong, by the way,” you said sweetly.

“Yeah, thanks. Good job on Juxtaposition. I hope I can see it when it comes out.”

“Me too. Gosh, so it’s been like four months, right?”

“Yeah. Would you want to get dinner and catch up?” he offered. “Unless you already have plans or need to go rest before a flight. I’m not sure of your schedule.” Just as kind and considerate as always.

“I think I’m free. One sec.” You shifted all your junk to one arm and checked your calendar. You were free until tomorrow at 10 for the flight back to LA in the morning. “Yeah, let’s go!” You linked your arm through his as you usually did, you two were pretty decent friends but work got in the way of staying in touch much. He led you outside to a cab and told the driver the name of a nice restaurant nearby. You were there soon enough and he asked for the most private table you two could get. You noticed people looking and whispering and pointing at you two and you knew rumors would probably hit the tabloids tomorrow morning if not already about you two dating but that was rumored any time a man and woman in Hollywood were seen out together.

The hostess sat you at a table and looked over the menu quickly and found what you wanted immediately. Tom did the same and sat his menu down.

“So, Y/N, how has England been treating you?” he asked with a smile.

“Oh just fine, a little cold though. I’m excited to get back to LA where there is some warmth,” you said.

“Ah yes, you always did hate the cold. Remember that scene we shot where they had to keep it below freezing so the props would stay at their temperature and they could see our breath?”

“How could I forget? I bought a heated blanket to keep on set for me,” you said, causing a laugh to share between you two. The waiter came and took your order and returned with the drinks.

“Is Juxtaposition almost done?”

“No,” you answered, shaking your head. “We’re in about 95% of the film so we are only halfway done. But I’m loving it so far. How about you? What’s after Kong?”

“Still in the middle of Thor 3,” he reminded.

“Oh yes! How is that? How’s Chris?”

“He’s fine. He’s fine. Thor 3 seems to be drug out though, between him working on Ghostbusters and Kong for me, we had a lot to juggle but now we can get back to focusing on it.”

“That’s good. God, I loved the other two. Don’t tell me a thing about it though! I want to be just as surprised as all the other fans,” you informed him in case he forgot how huge of a Marvel fan you were. You envied James and Tom playing as characters you absolutely adored, you had yet to land a Marvel role but your agent knew it was on the top of your list.

“I won't,” he said as he laughed lightly. “So what’s it like to work with James?”

“It’s incredible. He’s so talented, like you. You both remind me a lot of each other. You both play rather odd roles, time period pieces, dark roles.”

“Well thank you. You know, you have to start giving yourself some credit though. You’re just as talented as either one of us.”

You blushed. “Thank you. Yeah working with him has been great. Honestly? I want another role with him.” You had leaned forward and whispered, as if you were exposing a secret.

“Is that so?” he asked, eyeing you.

“Yes. Working with him is so effortless and fun and great. I would love to do another project with him.”

“So the chemistry thing, it’s true, between you two?” he asked.

“I’d say so, yeah.” You nodded, thinking about it.

“So, do you...are you two…?”

“Together? No,” you laughed lightly. “I wish though.”

“Oh you like him,” Tom assessed as he nodded with the realization hitting him. The look suddenly seemed familiar - dejection. Could Tom have feelings for you? “Guess that means there isn’t much room for someone else,” he tried, a little bit of a chuckle coming from him.

“Tom? Do you…?” you asked, pointing to yourself.

“Well, yeah, a little. I have for a while now,” he confessed, toying with his napkin as he kept his gaze down.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” you questioned, completely taken aback. You had no idea Tom had feelings for you.

“Didn’t feel like the right time,” he informed nonchalantly as he shrugged.

“So why now?”

“The kiss between you and James...to be quite honest, I was jealous of it.”

“Oh,” you said. What else do you say? To you, Tom wasn’t more than a friend. You never dreamed in a million years Tom Hiddleston would be attracted to you. But the more you thought about it, the more you did remember how much you had in common and your tastes being similar. He was certainly handsome, and charming, and gentlemanly, and well read. What wasn’t there to like?

Oh shit. What have you gotten yourself into?

“I uh...It’s fine you don’t feel the same way...” Tom dismissed, trying to wipe away the ordeal altogether. “I hope that doesn’t make our friendship strange or anything.”

“I--No, I didn’t say I didn’t feel the same way,” you corrected, still staring off into the distance, gazing, thinking about it.

“Well? So you do like me? But you just said you liked James?”

“Yes but...he doesn’t know that,” you confessed.

“Ah, I see,” Tom said nodding. “So...you’re free then?”

“Yes, I’m not in any relationship. He hasn’t asked me out and I’m not about to ask him out so...” You shrugged as you gestured.

Tom’s mood lifted considerably as he smiled. “Well great. When do you get back to LA?”

“Tomorrow,” you informed.

“I get back in three days. What do you say to a date?”

“I’d love one,” you agreed.

“Excellent! It’s settled.”

-----------

Tom escorted you back to your hotel and when you were getting ready for bed, Ida had finally sent you a text back. You decided to just call her. She picked up on the second ring.

“Hey!” she said, answering the call. “So what is it that I won’t believe?”

“I made out with James on the show.”

“You what? Oh my gosh. Why? How?”

“It sort of came out of nowhere. They wanted us to reenact the sexy scenes from the show. Oh my god, Ida…”

“Haha, that good, huh?” You could practically hear the smile in her voice.

“Yes. Oh, and guess what else?”

“Hmm?”

“Tom asked me out.”

“Tom as in Tom Hiddleston? As in the man I’ve been begging you to hook me up with?”

“Well yeah.”

“That’s great!” she squealed. “What’d you say?”

“I said sure.”

“I didn’t think you liked him like that,” she wondered.

“I didn’t think I did either, but when he told me he had feelings for me tonight, I couldn’t honestly say I didn’t feel anything back.”

“So then what about James? Is he just old news?”

“No, but James hasn’t exactly made a move.”

“You know it’s not the 1950’s, you could ask him out,” she offered with a giggle.

“Are you nuts? Then he would know I like him.”

“Yeah that’s kinda the point, genius,” she scoffed.

“I can’t just...do that. What if he said no?”

“Then he says no and you continue things with Tom, either way it sounds like a win-win to me.”

“I don’t know,” you said, unsure.

“Well if you don’t want one of ‘em, I’ll take one!” she informed cheerily.

“I’ll be sure to tell them that. Hey I’ve got to get some sleep. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay. Talk to you later, and you better keep me updated on Tom!”

“I will!”