#she literally took the time to validate her son before he was ordered to murder her 💔

[balladofbells]

Can we talk about the fact that in Thule, Maryse’s last words to Jace were basically I love you.

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

it wasn’t power i coveted; it was acceptance.

Titans 3.06

y’know, i was just thinking the other day that 1.06/1.07 and 2.06/2.07 were the best episodes of their respective seasons, so i have great hopes going in to this one. fingers crossed!

as always, typing this up as i see the episode.

SPOILERS AHEAD

1. oh! um... that was a Cold Open, all right. *nudges* get it? cold? because it’s snowing? and two people got murdered in cold blood? eh?

... oh, i’ve just started.

1.5. i wonder if “i want to be sipping pina coladas on a beach with you” is the new “i’m just one day away from retiring.” i was so on edge after that--i kept expecting that car to explode. even so, the way they died wasn’t an anticlimax: brutal, and quick. 

1.75. so i’m assuming that’s the titular lady vic! this show better bring up why this doll was important or why these two cops needed to be killed, and not leave it to the ether like jericho’s little mindscape jaunt in 2.08 (i’m still dying to know what that was about???)

2.

i love how deliberately unappealing wayne manor is. 

(sorry for the pic quality. i don’t have hbo max! ssshhh.)

2.3. i love the many references to “home” and “our house” when they’ve been here for less than a week and saw one of their friends get blown into pieces. i mean, i unironically love it: home is where family is, after all!

2.5. i’d like to say that kom is playing some sort of long game here, especially given the build-up we had last season and some of the more niggling details this season: why did kom choose now to use her bond to lure kory when she’s been on earth for months? why did justin call kory now, just around the time that she started getting kom’s visions? and what about kom’s ability to exactly imitate other people? hmmm.

2.75. the reason i wrote i’d like to say is that i’ve made the mistake of assuming plot complexity where there is none; i was so invested in the jason todd orchestrated his own death theory for instance, when it turns out that oops! ra’s al ghul just happened to leave a little lazarus puddle in gotham, and oh yeah! scarecrow just happens to have a network of henchmen working for him on the outside and a fully functional laboratory and a weapons cache fit for a new supervillain in the basement of the high security psychiatric unit/prison that he’s in! 

(no i’m not bitter, why do you ask)

2.8. iiiii don’t know what to say about the implications of sex slavery being a thing on tamaran, so i’m not going to say anything at all. for now.

3. gotham, six years ago... wasn’t it five years before s2 that jericho died and the titans disbanded? and when was the flashback from 1.06 where dick let zucco die? i think it was after the events of 2.08: jericho? i can’t seem to find any transcripts or reliable information online, so i’m going to have to rewatch 1.06 at some point. 

(i love the old-fashioned batman music in this heist scene)

3.5. “security is a joke... it’s my way of keeping my dad on his toes”. what you’re an ethical thief now, like an ethical hacker? i don’t think that excuse is going to sell, barbara, on the day you do encounter a decent security system and your father is forced to arrest you.

(then again, gotham’s security is piss-poor. did you know that you could just walk into arkham asylum without any official clearance, ply one of its most dangerous inhabitants with contraband, and said inmate could get away with having an entire laboratory and weapons cache--NO I’M NOT GOING TO LET THIS GO)

3.8 so that flashback between dick and barbara was really cute! and also illuminating:

a) dick sounds so light, so... um. look. i have some apologies to tender to mr thwaites, because while i’ve always thought he does a fine job as dick grayson, i’ve never been terribly fond of his cadence as he delivers dialogue. it’s often monotonous, i thought, but then again, he’s usually delivering exposition or dealing with one soul-crushing crisis or the other. so i was pleasantly surprised to hear dick sound so carefree and alive in his conversation with barbara, laughing frequently, his emotions so bare and bubbling to the surface. it’s really a fantastic contrast to the traumatised and world-weary dick grayson that we see now, even more so than the costume department just bunging a backwards-baseball cap on mr thwaites’ head and hoping that will convince us of his relative youth. 

b) and god, when he wakes up from that memory, all alone in his bed, bleeding from bullet holes in his shoulder (bullet holes that are--in a somewhat convoluted way--barbara’s fault)? yikes. it’s great. you have my apologies, mr thwaites!

c) can you imagine dick just... crawling back to wayne manor, trying not to be seen by anybody, shedding his suit and just... collapsing onto his bed without even tending to his wound? the sheer emotional and physical exhaustion of it? 

d) it’s so interesting to see how barbara and dick approach the idea of legacy--a big theme on the show!--in this flashback. barbara is the one bucking the idea that she should follow in her father’s footsteps, while dick seems pretty content with the batman-and-robin setup, and even tries to get barbara to join their team (robin-girl. pfffft). obviously after this several traumatic things happen wherein dick ends up questioning and then resenting his role as robin, his relationship with batman or even returning as a vigilante at all. and barbara... ends up replacing her father as commissioner. it’s tragic, really. 

e) the dynamic between dick and barbara in the flashback reminds me of how it was between dick and donna in 1.08 and even between kory and dick in early s1. it’s like having an older, strong-willed woman by his side means he gives over the steering wheel for a while and lets himself... unspool, a little bit. it’s kinda endearing.

also:

*pinches his cheeks*

3. you know, we talk about dick and Eldest Daughter Syndrome, and that’s definitely valid, but here gar seems to me the embodiment of it, with all the emotional gardening and firefighting that he’s expected to do. he’s kind of the guy expected to keep his shit together and take care of everyone else while they are falling completely to pieces, unable to carve out time to process his own trauma. he’s also picked up dick’s and kory’s tendencies to bottle up their struggles and shun appearing vulnerable, and he’s struggling in the shadow of both dick and kory undergoing acute crises, his best friend (and frequent confidante) on the other side of the world, and seeing hank die, utterly helpless to stop it. 

i’m glad that he got a chance to tell dick even a smidgeon of what he really feels, and i hope this is at least a semblance of a wake up call for dick to actually sit down and work with the people he repeatedly calls family.

3.5. it’s heartening to see that dick immediately makes it his priority to go talk to gar. but don’t blow off kory in the process, man!

4. i’m really loving this dynamic between kom and conner--i get the idea that both of them consider each other as Unknowns, alien two times over. but conner’s only ever known the titans, who embrace being different, and kom’s only ever known... well. 

anyway, kory is Really Stressed, and honestly? #relatable. 

when you’re forced to bring an estranged family member to hang out with your friends...

4.5. i love that the titans are spending so much time in the kitchen. a real family!

5. jonathan crane is a creep and i absolutely cannot stand him.

5.25. how did he get a whole lab setup (in the basement of a hospital...?) with a bunch of whitecoats to work for him? how did he just waltz into the viewing room of an operation theatre when he’s one of the most wanted men in gotham right now? why is jason wandering around maskless when--presumably--as the adopted son of the most famous person in gotham he’d be a tad more recognisable than your average joe?

why do i expect this show to answer anything anymore?

5.5. that’s not necessarily a criticism, mind; i’ve said since season 1 that titans is very comics-like in this aspect, all about the Aesthetic and the splash-page splendour rather than the niggling unimportant details of how or when the characters got to said location. like. the camera gliding over the operation being set-up, lady vic bursting in and doing her murder dance (imagine the luck of the poor intern who chose this day and this surgery to assist) and jason, shocked and slack-jawed, framed by blood.

5.75. it’s a sobering reminder for jason that, though he chose this path in order to gain control over a world that seemed like it was rapidly spinning out of his grip, he’s only succeeded in handing over even more control to a man with an agenda that is very clearly not aligned with his own. he’s in too far to stop now, though.

5.9. i have a lot more thoughts about jason! saving it up for the end of this recap, though.

6. more kitchen time! i better see dick do some cooking soon...

(”our kitchen”! it still delights me! kitchens are So Important)

6.25. so much of dick’s issues have revolved around his relationship with bruce, so it’s completely understandable that in the wake of a huge crisis where bruce literally asks dick to replace him and be a “better” him, dick would default to all the worst things he learned from the man. and i’m glad kory’s having none of it, but come on, guys. the woman’s literally fetched her fratricidal sister out of a hole in the ground with no idea what said sister is going to do next and experiencing a burgeoning sense of guilt far, far beyond her history with the titans, and dick’s too far into his autocolonoscopy that he can’t see that she needs help.

6.5. “he services your urges”--well, as far as we know, kory is the last person he had sex with...

7. “i hope [gar] isn’t angry with me...” SIR! i thought you’d already spoken to him! smh, as the kids say. kory wouldn’t be needing to reassure you if you just took the effort to build two way emotional relationships with the rest of the team. @superohclair​ was taking about dick’s relatively low emotional intelligence? i agree.

7.5. “i got my own problems [...] you and barbara? fix it.” YOU TELL HIM, KORY

8. man i really like this weird, sad tension between dick and barbara--this sense that both of them are approaching the other based on how they remember them and are ultimately disappointed by the truth. barbara thought she could trust dick to... well, be a better batman, but dick has not only failed at that in her eyes, but repeatedly undermined her while exploiting the authority that she gave him. in dick’s eyes, this is nothing like the barbara that he knew, rebellious and ready to do whatever it takes to find something. 

like. this show sometimes really hits me in the chest about the ways it shows kids grow into adults and into caretakers, and the way it’s stop-start, the ways nothing can happen at all for a long time and then it’s Crisis Central all at once and there’s no space to breathe. the weird sort of sadness that comes with nostalgia. 

8.5. oracle name drop! i agree with barbara, any system that can just randomly tap into gotham phonelines is a monster.

8.7. (i don’t know if it’s my imagination, but is dick holding himself... differently in this episode? like that wound is definitely bothering him, and he’s running on fumes)

9. man, that was a really sweet scene between kom and conner. “feeling alien in your own world”... “not quite here nor there”

honestly this team runs on conner and gar’s faith in their value as a family, and it’s a sign of conner’s generous heart that he extends that opportunity to blackfire. this arc of maturation for him, where he’s now able to consciously choose which parts of himself he can use to do the thing he wants to so--save people--has been so fulfilling to recognise. this baby’s grown with the titans! and what he’s learnt is that people can get fucked up, but the titans is a place where they can be fucked up, and grow.

MY MAN CONNER

10. oh man i’m drinking in the gar-dick interaction in this episode like i’m three days into the desert and it’s the only source of water for miles around!

a) gar is absolutely not dealing with dick’s bullshit this episode and I LOVE IT. it’s such a far cry from the man who was idolising dick/robin back in s1 and expecting him to solve all their problems. dick is fallible, dick is fucked up, but he Tries His Best and that’s ok.

b) dick, huffing and puffing through that vent, unable to put any pressure on his left shoulder, trying to have a heart to heart with gar... fuck i love this asshole. 

c) bruce took in a kid who was suffering... “and made him into a weapon”. well. i absolutely agree with dick that it was bruce who put these kids into these horrible situations with him and they came away with a bucketload of trauma to add to the one that they already had. but we know that bruce was really trying with jason, and at the end of s2, dick was coming to acknowledge that bruce had offered him something that wasn’t just darkness. jason’s death and bruce’s reaction to that shattered that fragile progress.

d) “gotham got to me too.” i feel more sympathetic towards dick running off on his own than most, and it’s not just because i’m an unapologetic stan.  we’ve seen before that dick... devolves when overwhelmed, and he lashes out and makes ill thought out decisions and just Does Not Deal. it happened after hearing the news that deathstroke had returned in s2, and it didn’t help that everyone around him was reeling at the news, either. this time, however, he has his salvation in his family, and despite some stupid decisions like running off and kidnapping supervillains without telling his team, he’s been really on the ball this season. thinking clearly and logically, holding it together and working on a plan, thinking two steps ahead of the villains... yes.

e) gar needing to believe that jason isn’t beyond redemption... there’s a lot of blood on his hands, too, from when he was manipulated by cadmus last season. it makes sense why he’d relate to jason’s predicament, and i hope dick picked up on that.

f) my head just added a plaintive ow after dick jumped feet first into the storage room

i need, crave gifs of this scene!

11. *sits on hands* i’m going to talk more about red hood, i promise!

12. more gar and dick! is it my birthday??!!

(actually, according to the tamil calendar, it is my birthday! my “star” birthday)

12.5. excellent. dick using some implausible training that bruce taught him to solve a mystery? passing some of that knowledge onto gar? that proud smile when he sees gar perfectly execute moves that he taught him? MY HEART IS EXPLODING

13. aw, i love flashback!dick and barbara, they’re so cute <3

13.25. why does it not surprise me that the way he proposes a relationship to barbara is by saying “we make sense”? this guy can deduce exactly who was present where and what weapon they were holding from a garbled audio recording but other times he’s utterly clueless, and that’s a consistent character beat right from s1

13.5. so.... that’s why lady vic has it out for... barbara....? i don’t get it. it’s flimsy. but hey! the fun thing about titans is that i don’t have to get it. the payoff has nothing to do with the plot.

14. i can’t believe that barbara fell for that, but at least that wheelchair fight looked awesome, so.

15. oh yeah, i forgot that red hood bullied the mob into helping him and scarecrow... at least that explains the whitecoats and the elaborate set-up.

15.5. honestly i love how this dynamic between kory and kom is developing, though i wish more of the team would pay attention to it. time to call justin, i think!

16. i wonder what happened after that second flashback where barbara got hurt during that heist. did she give up on doing any more (maybe jim caught her)? was it because dick was called away by bruce and then the titans and got caught up in his own issues? maybe barbara froze him out because she wasn’t looking for the relationship that he was looking for? maybe the idea of doing that with someone turning into batman-lite was just... unappealing? scary?

whatever it is, it doesn’t look like dick ever processed the end of that relationship. it’s very intriguing to see where their dynamic goes next.

17. so.... what, did vic deliver some fear toxin to barbara? i... what?

17.5. and i TOLD YOU that they would never explain that doll or why vic attacked those two cops at the beginning! oh, titans. never change. 

18. did jason just randomly have tim’s restaurant burgled? god, i’m feeling a bit nauseous... are they going to kill tim’s father?

18.25. i feel like the rest of the season is going to wrestle with jason’s culpability in the horrible stuff he’s doing and i’m already seeing that prospect divide fans. on one hand, his story is taking a lot of oxygen away from other equally interesting story arcs, and he’s done some truly awful things, like indiscriminate murder, threatening to kill children, blowing up hank, and potentially killing tim’s parents. 

there’s something to be said for the kind of hold that crane has over him, and the so-called ‘anti-fear’ drug that he keeps plying jason with--he’s alone, drugged almost constantly (to the level of dependence), fresh from the trauma of being bludgeoned to death. he hasn’t conquered fear; he’s ruled by it. on the other hand, given that he’s the one character on the show given an obvious and identifiable ‘mental illness’ arc (maaaaybe dick too), one can argue that it’s irresponsible to show this progress into such violence: jason was vulnerable because he was struggling, and that left him vulnerable, but it took only a push before he became a fucking serial killer.

but that could mean we underestimate the degree of that vulnerability, and the mechanics of this universe where he fell into the clutches of the one supervillain perfectly designed to exploit that vulnerability. that helpless spiral into further and further self-destruction is all too real. it’s valuable to know that someone who has sunk that low can still seek help--actual help--and get it. 

18.5. i don’t know. it’s not a question i’m going to resolve at the end of an overlong recap at 1 in the morning. i don’t believe it’s even a question that titans can resolve. but i am interested in where they’re going next with jason.

19. this episode was genuinely great! i’m pumped for the rest of the season!

[jaceyneedsabetterusername]

Can’t Get Rid Of Me (Part 2 to Can’t Lose You)

Pairings: Zuko x Reader

Summary: Part 2 to Can’t Lose You. Y/N has finally found her long lost love but now it’s their responsibility to ensure the end of the Hundred Years War and to bring a new era of peace. 

Warnings: Violence

Word Count: 5600

A/N: There are definitely parts of this that are word-for-word from the show and I do not take any creative credit for those. I strictly take credit for what is my writing. But like... I’m actually kind of proud of this particular two-part series thing I happened to write. It was an idea I had for a while and, while I never planned on writing a second part, I’m glad you guys encouraged me to because I actually like how it turned out (and if you’re a writer, you understand how hard it can be to feel like your work is any good). Thank you all for the support <3 

___________________________________

Joining the avatar’s group was easier than you’d expected but from seeing the hodge-podge group of people, you figured that they had a habit of picking people up as they went along. For the few days you were at Zuko’s old vacation home on Ember Island before leaving, you’d trained with Zuko and Aang, working with the two boys to develop your firebending as much as possible before the battle. That was before Aang disappeared at least and you all went off searching for him, stumbling upon the Order of the White Lotus instead. 

“Are you alright?” You asked Zuko, coming to kneel beside him as he sat outside of Iroh’s tent. 

He shook his head, “My uncle hates me. I know it. He loved and supported me in every way he could, and I still turned against him. How can I even face him?” Though you didn’t see much of who he’d become first hand, Zuko had embarrassingly confessed his mistakes over the years to you, especially those concerning the incident with his uncle. 

“If there is anyone who understands what you’ve gone through and why you would do what you did, it’s your uncle. I don’t think he could ever hate you Zuko.” You remembered the way Iroh used to treat Zuko, especially after Lu Ten was killed, and you knew in your soul that there was nothing Zuko could do to make Iroh truly hate him. 

Zuko glanced over at you with wide eyes, like he was on the brink of tears from just remembering the disappointment in his uncle’s eyes, “But you didn’t see the way he looked at me when I made my decision to rejoin my father.” 

“People are allowed to make mistakes, Zuko. You made your choice then but look at the choices you’re making now. Even if he was disappointed months ago, I think he would be so proud to see what you’re doing now. He loves you more than anything.” Your hand reached out to stroke down his bicep comfortingly. 

He took a deep breath before pressing himself up to stand, “I sure hope you’re right.” 

You spent the night in a tent with Suki, allowing Zuko to have his time to fix things with his uncle. If he needed to talk to you, he knew where to find you. But he didn’t come until morning so you knew it must have gone really well or really poorly. 

The next morning, you found yourself sitting alongside the rest of the group, a bowl of porridge in your hands, the only food you’d eaten in two days and it tasted delicious. Iroh was sitting amongst you all, listening to Zuko as he tried to convince his uncle to come with you all to defeat Ozai, “You can beat him and we’ll be there to help!” Zuko explained passionately. 

“Even if I did defeat Ozai, and I don’t know that I could, it would be the wrong way to end a war. History will see it as just more senseless violence, a brother killing a brother to grab power. The only way for this to end peacefully is for the Avatar to defeat the Firelord.” Iroh countered and it was clear from the way he spoke that his decision on the matter was final. He would not kill his brother. 

This conversation felt wrong to you. Even though Ozai was a terrible man, and you’d seen years of his horrors first hand, it still felt wrong for some reason to be sitting with his son and brother while they conversed about who should get to kill him. But if it was difficult for you to hear, you couldn’t imagine how difficult of a decision it was for them, but mostly for Zuko, which made you so proud of him. He had come so far from that scared little boy, desperate for his father’s love and approval. Zuko had traveled to the ends of the Earth for his father, literally, but was now finding the strength to put everything behind him for the greater good of humanity and, for once, himself. 

Iroh had a very valid point in wanting to avoid direct conflict with his brother. From an outsider’s perspective, the battle would have looked simply like a murder for political gain. You could tell from the look on Zuko’s face that he knew as well. “And then… then would you come and take your rightful place on the throne?” He asked, nearly begged. 

His uncle looked away, “No, someone new must take the throne- an idealist with a pure heart and unquestionable honor. It has to be you, Prince Zuko.” 

Everyone inaudibly gasped at the suggestion. Everyone had a feeling that Zuko would have a large role to play in rebuilding the Fire Nation but nobody had guessed that it would be as Firelord. Zuko looked the most shaken of all, “Unquestionable honor?” He questioned his uncles decision, every regret he had plastered in his eyes, “But I’ve made so many mistakes.” 

“Yes, you have,” Iroh began bluntly, “You have suffered and struggled but you have always followed your own path. You restored your own honor and only you can restore the honor of the Fire Nation.” 

Zuko’s wide eyes flicked from Iroh to you, trying to accept the reality of what this delegation meant. “I agree with your uncle, Zuko. I don’t think the Fire Nation could be rebuilt better by anyone else.” You encouraged, nodding your head sincerely. What you wanted to do was hold his hand and try to give him whatever power, courage, and confidence you had to offer but you resisted, only offering the small but very heartfelt gesture. 

“I’ll try, Uncle.” 

A plan was soon devised as to how you would all plan an attack. Iroh and the rest of the White Lotus would reclaim Ba Sing Se. You, Zuko, and Katara would return to the palace to fight Azula and reclaim the throne as soon as Ozai fell. Suki, Toph, and Sokka would all take down the air ships. 

Before long, you were about to climb up onto Appa’s saddle beside Katara and Zuko, where he already sat with the reins grasped firmly in his hands. Just as you reached to begin your ascent up the large creature you’d quickly fallen in love with, Iroh’s hand gripped your shoulder, “Y/N.”

You stopped and turned back towards the man you’d come to see as family yourself, “Yes?” 

“Azula is strong. Please, keep my nephew safe. Don’t let him get himself killed.” It pained you to hear Iroh say those words, knowing that they held so much more fear than they sounded. The truth was, Iroh didn’t think he could take losing Zuko like he lost Lu Ten. 

You swallowed hard, honestly scared to make such a big promise because you knew that truthfully, anything could happen, and the possibility of any of you not returning was very large. But looking into Iroh’s desperate amber eyes, you couldn’t say anything other than, “I will. You stay safe out there, Uncle.” He smiled a little at the endearing term, something that he hadn’t heard you call him in many years, but loved nonetheless because it made him feel like he had children to love. 

“May we meet again, Y/N.” He pulled you into a tight hug, bringing your body close to his. An overwhelming surge of emotion coursed through you as you told yourself that this could very well be the last time you ever saw anyone. 

“May we meet again.” Your jaw clenched in a desperate attempt to keep your composure and not dwell on the what-if’s, no matter how valid they were. 

The ride over wasn’t too unbearably long but it was spent mostly in silence, everyone too lost in contemplation about the upcoming events to find the energy to say much. You’d never done anything this large in your life. You’d been a servant for the first fifteen years of your life and then a runaway turned bead maker for the last few. The closest thing to combat you’d experienced was training with Zuko and the one time you almost lost control with Azula. None of that could prepare you for the agonizing silence before the storm. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Katara asked you. 

“Hm?” You perked up, shaking yourself out of your thoughts, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just nervous, I s’pose.” 

Your chin rested on your knees as you stared down at the ground hundreds of feet below. The distance down didn’t bother you as much as the feeling of impending doom. “I have to believe that we’ll win,” Katara began softly, “And I know I haven’t known you long but, from what I’ve seen, you’re a very strong bender.” 

There it was, you realized. The reason you were so anxious. “I’ve never actually used it against anyone but Zuko, and even that was only for training purposes. I have never actually had to fight anyone, let alone Azula. I just… I don’t want to let everyone down.” 

“That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself. We’re all in this together, win or lose.” She reassured. Your eyes flickered up to look at Zuko, whose back was turned to you and Katara while he flew Appa. Katara noticed the movement and was about to move to take over flying Appa so Zuko could talk with you but just as she went to go, a bright light streaked overhead. 

All three of you craned your necks to watch the infamous comet streak across the sky, casting an orange glow over everything. “Sozin’s comet…” You breathed out, the celestial object actually much more beautiful than you’d ever imagine but so much more daunting as well. 

Zuko looked back to see your eyes trained on the comet and he felt like he was falling in love with you all over again. Your eyes sparkled with determination and courage in the light of the comet, your hair blew wildly around your face in the wind. You looked like the strongest most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on and he couldn’t wait to kick his sister’s ass and restore the Fire Nation with you. 

When the palace was in sight, Azula’s coronation was already underway. You smirked a little at the twinge of satisfaction that nobody had actually attended the coronation aside from the few people that were required to be there. Clearly, Azula was far from the preferred Fire Lord. 

“We have to stop this now!” Zuko called back to you and Katara just before he landed Appa right in the middle of the courtyard. 

You weren’t sure what exactly was being said when you landed but judging by the scowl on Azula’s face, she was unhappy about it. Before Appa could even touch the ground, Zuko was jumping down onto the ground, “Sorry, but you’re not going to become Firelord today. I am.” 

He stood there solidly, unyielding. You and Katara too jumped down to stand beside him. Azula began to laugh hysterically, “You’re hilarious!” 

“And you’re going down.” Katara threatened. 

You stood to the other side of Zuko, staring down the girl who had been the cause of your torment for over a decade. When you locked eyes with her, she scoffed, “And what? You’re going to beat me with some Water Tribe peasant and a servant? You really are pathetic, Zuzu.” 

Gosh, how you were so ready to just destroy her. But none of you moved, waiting for Zuko’s call. In the end, this really was his fight. 

When Azula noticed that there was no reaction to her insult, an evil smirk spread across her face, “Wait. You want to be Firelord? Fine, let’s settle this,” She suggested, appearing more composed than she had since you’d arrived, which was almost scarier than seeing her look psychotic, “Just you and me, brother - the fight that was always meant to be. Agni Kai!” 

No, this was bad. 

“You’re on.” Zuko accepted the challenge, much to your chagrin. 

You shot a look at Zuko, wondering why on Earth he’d be falling into her trap like this, “She’s trying to separate us!” You hissed at him, “She knows she can’t take us all so she’s testing you.” 

He didn’t look at you, though. He just stared straight ahead, locking eyes with his sister who stared hard and sadistically at him. “I know, but I can take her this time.” His eyes narrowed and Azula’s lip turned upwards in a sick smile. 

“Even you admitted to your uncle that you’d need help defeating her!” Katara insisted, desperately trying to talk him out of the Agni Kai. Even though she wasn’t Fire Nation, she knew how serious an Agni Kai was to your culture and that it wasn’t something to be taken lightly. 

Zuko looked as if he was analyzing his younger sister, “There’s something off about her. I can’t explain it, but she’s slipping. And this way, no one else has to get hurt.” He turned to you and you could almost see the fear in his eyes. Not fear for his own life but for yours and Katara’s. 

You wanted to stop him, wanted to talk some sense into your boyfriend. All you could think about was that promise you made to Iroh. Please, keep my nephew safe. Don’t let him get himself killed. Allowing him to fight alone felt like a direct breach of that promise that you’d had every intention of keeping but something in you told you to let him fight her. “Don’t get hurt.” You gave into his plan, hoping, praying, wishing on everything that you were making the right decision. 

Within a few minutes, you and Katara were standing off to the side of the large outdoor space, watching as Zuko breathed deep, centering himself before the duel. You found yourself almost shaking, the memories of what happened at the last Agni Kai you’d attended flooding your memory. It was as if your vision was flashing from thirteen year old Zuko, begging his father for forgiveness, to now, where he was kneeling away from his sister. Only this time, you knew he wouldn’t be granted the same mercy his father had given him. At least then he got away with his life. With Azula, you knew he wouldn’t be so lucky if he fell short.

Katara was tense herself but could practically feel the air stiffen around you. She glanced over to see your eyes almost glazed over, stuck in a memory she’d never see. The rise and fall of your chest had also stopped with your breathing. “He’s going to be alright.” Katara reassured you, gently grabbing your hand, “He has to be.” 

You looked down at where your hands were joined and squeezed, eyes returning to hers with a small half-hearted smile, just enough to show that you at least partially believed her. With a deep, calming breath, you swallowed the lump in your throat and raised your head high. 

Both siblings came to stand up, shedding the cloaks that were slung over their shoulders. “I’m sorry it has to end this way, brother.” Azula apologized insincerely. 

“No, you’re not.” Zuko’s eyes narrowed, already in a starting stance. 

And just like that, waves of red and blue painted the sky. Roaring flames shot from both Zuko and Azula’s hands, almost deafeningly so. Zuko’s bending was more passionate and stronger than you’d ever seen it before. Azula, on the other hand, seemed less refined and sloppier than her highness had ever allowed herself to be in the past but that did not mean that her bending was any less effective. There was so much rage and power behind both of their strikes. 

You watched Zuko’s moves intensely, mentally trying to tell him what to do, what move might be best, even though you knew that he was a far more well-trained bender than you were. But that was when you noticed that his forms were different than what he’d taught you all those years ago. His stance was wider and he looked more locked in place, like he was a boulder that refused to be moved, when he literally split a powerful flame that Azula sent his way in half. It was something you’d never seen any fire bender do before. In fact, he sort of looked like Toph… 

In a small gap between Azula’s onslaught of attack, Zuko took the offense, his arms moving smoothly and gracefully, expelling a stream of fire that almost could have resembled the way water benders shoot water. Your eyes widened. These were not traditional fire bending moves. Could he be using earth and water bending techniques to fire bend? 

As the flames settled in a small pause, you and Katara noticed that the buildings of the palace were all aflame, slowly burning to the ground in an orange glow. It was a short lived breath of silence though because Zuko interrupted it with a sudden blast of flames at Azula that nearly knocked her off her feet. She managed to catch herself with a jet of blue flames that projected her off the ground and towards her brother. It went on like this, shot after shot in the most heated, equally matched Agni Kai you’d ever seen. 

Suddenly, Zuko dropped to his hands and swung his legs around his body, sending whips of flames at his sister. “Isn’t that airbending?” You asked Katara, though your eyes never left the scene before you. The flame landed and sent Azula flying into the ground with a thud, rolling at least fifteen feet before she came to a stop. 

“I didn’t know you could use other bending techniques for a different element.” Katara too was entranced by Zuko’s conglomerated, unpredictable moves. It would have been beautiful to see fire used in such a way if it weren’t for the fact that you were all in the midst of a life-or-death situation. 

Azula slowly stood up, her eyes crazed beneath her choppy bangs. 

“No lightning?” Zuko taunted, “What? Afraid I’ll redirect it?” 

Dammit, Zuko, you cursed mentally, This is not the time to show off. 

Azula stood, pressing her weight off her knees, “Oh, I’ll show you lightning!” With that, she began her windup. With two fingers, she directed lightning in electric blue streams around her body. Zuko prepared for the strike, stance strong, hands ready to catch it. 

What nobody expected though, was the bright blue bolt being sent at you. It was almost too late by the time you noticed it happening. In a split second, Zuko watched in horror as the lightning blew right past him towards you, your E/C eyes wide with shock. “No!” He screamed, running to jump in front but it was too late. 

The lightning bolt streaked past before it could hit him, coming right for you. 

The world almost seemed to stop for a moment while at the same time, your entire life flashed by in a second. Your parents playing with you as a child, you and Zuko feeding the turtle ducks just over those gates, Azula burning you, moving in with the kind old lady on Ember Island, and finding Zuko again. But then memories that you didn’t yet make began to reel through your mind in a flash. You and Zuko were together, hand in hand, before an altar. Was that a wedding? Things flashed so quickly you couldn’t see the details. Then came one of the two of you in a room with a bald man with an arrow on his head. He could only be Aang but he was too old and beside him sat Zuko with longer hair; he looked at least ten years older. You seemed to be part of a serious conversation with them. Then, finally, one of you with a swaddled baby sleeping in your arms and Zuko beside you. 

Something told you that this was not your time. 

Just before the bolt could hit you, you clenched your eyes shut and looked away, sticking out two fingers directly at the lethal electricity coming right at you. With a crack, it came into contact with your digits and coursed through your arm. You brought your arm down to your stomach, or as close to it as you could manage in the heat of the moment, and just held the power there. You had no idea what you were doing. You’d never redirected lightning in your life. Hell, you’d never even seen it done. But in that series of flashbacks, a memory of Iroh telling you and Zuko a story as children about a time he had to redirect lightning during a raid of a city. Zuko had excitedly begged him to show the two of you how he did it and, while he didn’t actually redirect lightning before your eyes, he showed you both the movement for it. 

In the few seconds you held the lightning within you, you felt powerful and exhilarated. Your hair blew in the storm in and around your body. You had no idea what it was like to feel so strong but you also had never felt so volatile, like the smallest mistake, the slighted breath, could cause a catastrophe. 

Just as Iroh had shown you all those years ago, you brought the fingers of your opposite hand to your stomach and shot out the energy at the ground, tiles shattering where it finally struck. 

“Y/N!” Zuko cried out, running over to your body as it crumbled to the ground. You panted hard, trying to catch yourself on your hands and knees but your elbows buckled when you did and you fell face first onto the stone tiles. “Y/N?! Y/N, are you okay?!” He yelled, trying to roll your body over to cradle it in his lap but before he could, Azula sent another blast right next to her brother, purposefully not hitting him. Zuko flinched, shielding your body with his from the shrapnel. 

She laughed maniacally, body swinging wildly, “Oh, Zuzu! Looks like your precious little girlfriend picked up a few tricks! Color me impressed.” 

Azula assaulted the two of you with another barrage of attacks. Zuko again went to use his body to shield yours but Katara jumped in the way, shooting a powerful stream of water into Azula’s arm to move the lightning. Katara took over the battle for the time being while Zuko held you tight. 

“Y/N?” He asked again, eyes wide with worry, almost tearing up, “Please, say something. I can’t lose you!” Those same desperate words that seemed to have haunted your relationship came back around. 

He held your face, stroking your hair out of the way. Your eyes rolled back in your head as you struggled to open your eyes. “I’m-I’m alright. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” You insisted with a weak laugh before flinching, pushing your arms behind you to push yourself back up. 

“When did you learn to do that?” He asked in shock, helping you sit up. 

A loud yell came from Katara as she sent attack after attack of water at Azula. You finally managed to open your eyes enough to see Katara successfully holding off Azula. “Go, help her. I’m fine.” You told Zuko, flinching as you allowed yourself to be helped to an upright position. He looked at you with hesitation in his eyes. You grabbed his collar and pulled him close to you, “Zuko, I’m serious. There are bigger problems.” 

With a reluctant nod, he stood up and shot fire at her even more intensely than before, now fueled by rage at her dishonorable attack on you. You were aware of what was going on but for a few seconds you felt disconnected from it. You were still shocked that you managed to redirect the lightning, though not perfectly, of course, otherwise you wouldn’t have collapsed. Your body felt like it was buzzing but no longer with power, more so an emptiness where power once was. And beyond that, a dull burning ache ran through your arms and through your stomach, along the path the lightning ran through. 

But, beyond that, you felt relatively okay and, for right now, that had to be enough. With some effort, you managed to push yourself to your feet, strength quickly coming back to your muscles as the temporary that shock rendered them useless for a few minutes faded away. 

When you stood, you saw how destroyed everything was. Buildings burned, stone tiles were blown up all over, leaving holes in the ground, and now there were waves of ice. Azula appeared to be struggling against both Katara and Zuko but she also seemed not to mind, still plastering that insane smile on her face. 

The three of them had made their way under the canopy off to the side of the main open area. Azula was on the roof, stalking Zuko and Katara who stood underneath. Everyone was silent and you could see Katara and Zuko silently devising a plan but little did they know, Azula jumped down, gripping the canopy to launch herself into a flip. Before she could land or fire, though, you shot a stream of flames at her back, knocking her forward and rolling onto her face. 

Her eyes were aflame with rage when she stood up, “It’s about time you learned your place, little servant girl. I spared your life several times but you won’t get that kindness again.” 

“I’m not afraid of you anymore, Azula.” You moved to take a strong stance, arms out and ready to deflect any attack she sent your way. 

Her amber eyes narrowed beneath her dark jagged hair, “You should be.” With a loud scream, she sent another strike of lightning at you, sure that you couldn’t handle another one since you barely managed to survive the first. 

But how wrong she was. 

Already predicting an attack of some kind, it was easy to change your hand position and you caught the lightning with your fingertips, brought it down through your stomach, and breathed in for a second - a second that seemed to last forever. It was all coursing through your body again: the power, the volatility, the anger, the fear. 

Nobody else could see exactly what was happening. A storm of blue currents blew your hair around your face, covering it from view, and the lightning itself distorted the view of what was happening. Zuko and Katara watched in terror, worried that maybe you weren’t able to catch it and it hit you. 

Little did they all know, you had caught it and avoided your heart successfully and now, all there was to do was redirect it. Taking a deep breath, you honed all of your attention on the lightning in your control, forcing as much energy into it as you could, before shooting your fingertips directly at Azula, the lightning coming at her with more force than she’d shot at you. 

She tried to move to dodge it but before she could, Katara sent a slick of ice onto the ground just below her feet, sending her slipping instead of jumping like she’d intended. The lightning struck the princess with a loud crack and she fell onto the ground, lying on the cold white ice she’d slipped on. 

This time, you felt… alright. You didn’t hurt anywhere or collapse. Instead, you ran towards Zuko and Katara who knelt over Azula’s motionless body. “Is she… D-did I kill her?” You asked, honestly unsure what exactly you wanted the answer to be. For years, you’d told yourself that you’d kill her one day if you ever got the chance but now that took that chance, you weren’t sure if you wanted somebody’s life on your conscience, even if it really might have been for the betterment of the world that she was gone. 

Zuko reached down to feel for a pulse and shook his head, “No, she’s alive, but just barely.” 

Another wave of confliction coursed through you but, surprisingly, a big portion of it was relief. “What should we do with her then?” You knelt down beside Katara and finally inspected Azula. She was barely conscious, her eyes kept rolling back in her head, but that maniacal smile was finally blasted off her face. Her hair was a mess, just barely held back in the tie anymore. A large portion of her pants were missing, burned away just at the thigh to reveal a massive welting red branch-like wound on her pale skin. That must have been why she was able to survive the hit. 

“She needs help,” Zuko sighed, almost sounding like he was at war with himself in this decision, “Something’s telling me this is more than her just being a terrible person. She’ll be moved to the asylum offshore to get the help she needs. And to keep her from hurting anyone else.” His voice got tense at those last words. 

Katara moved water from the ground and used it to heal Azula’s leg as much as she could. “Just for now, I was thinking we could keep her in ice? I don’t know what else to do.” She rubbed her legs awkwardly. 

Glancing to your right, you saw chains hanging on a pillar and moved to grab them. “Here,” You said, beginning to chain her hands and feet together, her limp limbs moving easily, “Just so when we melt the ice, we still have some leverage.” 

“Good idea.” Zuko stood up, watching as you looped the last bit of chain securely in a knot. When it was all good and secure, Zuko gave Katara a small nod and she gracefully created an encasing of ice around Azula. 

This whole situation felt strange. The accumulation of a hundred years of war was climaxing right at this moment and you, Zuko, and Katara had all just successfully completed your part of that victory. What felt odd though was standing over Azula, the girl who had tortured you for years, and discussing her fate, which literally was in your hands. 

“We did it.” Zuko finally sighed out, breaking the silence, “We actually did it.” 

“Now we just have to hope Aang beats Ozai.” Katara rubbed her arms, nervous that the ultimate outcome of all of this wasn’t entirely in just your hands. 

** 

* Two days later *

Zuko stood in the hallway of the palace, the walls open and overlooking the surrounding city. He leaned against the half-wall, breathing in the fresh air deeply. His clothes that he’d been wearing for much longer than he’d like to admit while on exile had now been exchanged for the robes of a Firelord. “You clean up nice.” You giggled, coming into the wide hallway. 

He turned around to see you walking towards him looking more radiant than ever. Your clothes that you had been wearing when you battled Azula had been quite badly destroyed, ripped and stained with soot and debris. Now, you wore a long dark deep red tunic dress that tied with a slightly lighter band around your waist. It had gold along the inner seams and leading up to the high, traditional collar that was around your neck. The bottom had an ornate design sewn in with amber threads at the bottom. 

“Wow…” Zuko breathed out, “Y-You too.” He managed to stammer. 

Heat rose in your face, “Thank you.” You finished closing the gap between the two of you, coming wrap your arms around his waist, “Are you okay?” 

Zuko bit his lip before half-nodding, half-shaking his head, “I just can’t believe this is happening. Ever since I was little, I was sure my father would find a way to pass along the throne to Azula. I never thought I’d actually be Firelord. But now that I’m about to become Firelord, I guess I’m just scared of making mistakes.” 

Your hand came up to his bicep as you pulled him in closer, “Hey, you are going to be the best Firelord in at least a hundred years. You just managed to end a century-long war and I know you have amazing dreams for rebuilding the world.” 

“I didn’t end the war alone.” He tried to refute but you just smiled warmly. 

“And you won’t have to do all the work to rebuild the nation alone either. We are all here to help you - me, Aang, Sokka, Katara, and Toph.” You reached up to touch his cheek gently and he leaned into your soft palm, savoring the touch. It was the first time he’d ever allowed anyone to touch his scar but with you, he felt safe and secure. 

Zuko’s eyes slid closed for just a moment and he brought his hand up to cover yours, holding your hand against his face before pulling it away, intertwining his fingers with yours, “Have I ever told you how much I love you? How much I’ve always loved you?” 

A sweet chuckle left your lips like music, “I think you’ve mentioned it a few times. Have I ever told you how much I love you? And how amazing you are? How amazing you will be?” 

The two of you stood like that for a while, just holding each other and staring at each other, beyond grateful that the universe allowed you to find each other again. Words could not express the pride and love you felt for this man, despite all of his flaws and mistakes. Zuko only wished he could put into words how grateful he was for your love and support, how much he loved you and wanted to protect you (not that you needed it). 

“Nephew, it is time for your coronation.” Iroh chimed in gently, peeking at the two of you from around the corner. 

You looked back and gave him an acknowledging smile. “Thank you, Uncle.” Zuko smiled politely at Iroh, who was waiting at the door to escort you to the front of the crowd.

You knew you had to watch the coronation from the ground with the rest of the Gaang but you didn’t mind. You only hoped that Zuko could feel the support from you and the rest of the group radiating from the crowd. 

“You are going to be amazing, Firelord.” You touched his face one last time, pulling him down for a gentle kiss. 

He smiled against your lips. “I can’t wait to build the new world with you.” 

__________________________

Taglist: 

(Sorry if this is messed up, I suck at taglists) 

@oddlypointlessescapes

@eridanuswave

@egm09

[fymagnificentwomcn]

t’s truly something how all princes/sultans in tmck are so pressed…I get their life isn’t easy, but all that blaming & truly how it can affect everyone’s perception. Murad even accused his mother of faking an assassination attempt on her life, incredible *sarcasm of course*. And Atike was just his cheerleader most of the time, ugh. All that blaming by people who even weren’t there. Thanks for writing that piece!

Aww thank you so much! This piece is my magnum opus I guess lol (Link here:https://fymagnificentwomcn.tumblr.com/post/610970504341405696/no-she-isnt-the-whole-evil-k%C3%B6sem-thing-isnt )

Murad’s angry 24/7 & gets so ridiculous with blame-shifting – he would need a good anger management therapy LBR.

And there’s one scene that portrays his character in nutshell:

Doctor: you cannot drink anymore wine, Your Majesty.

Murad, literally 5 minutes later: Yusuf, bring me wine!

Murad in 1 minute, another example:

Kösem: Don’t marry Silahtar to Atike, you also have another sister and if you do it, it will end in tragedy!

Murad: No worriez, I’ve thought about Gevherhan, I will marry her to Kemankeş ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I mentioned a lot of blame-shifting in my previous posts, but he even at moment began questioning his mum about Gülbahar and whether she truly committed treason (and Gülbahar herself admitted to it).

Even when Atike asked him for permission to take children with her & Kösem to vaqf, he was totally okay with the idea, but later after kidnapping snapped at his mother that it was HER fault for gaving taken his sons there & began threatening her with exile far away. Charming as always.

Honestly, he’s like a broken record. In all his arguments, while Kösem has her logical arguments, his only argument is usually “I’m the only/rightful owner of Ottoman Empire, “I’m the shadow of God on Earth. Like dude do you realise how boring you are???

Don’t forget how mad he got when Kösem wrote to Kemankeş to have a backup plan if Murad died and Bayezid wanted to take the throne, which could have meant danger for other Kösem’s sons. After all, she didn’t take it from nothing, Gülbahar told her about assassination attempt to come & it actually already had happened by the time Murad received the letter. Yes, dude you are not immortal, you could have been killed, and life goes on you know? It doesn’t mean your mother doesn’t love you or is not going to mourn you, but she also needs to take care of your brothers and state ffs. He’s truly obsessed with this idea that after his death life will  (unfortunately in his view) go on – which is also meaningful since Kösem reminded him like two episodes earlier that state was going to remain even with both of them dead. And well we all know the “masterful” idea he conceived just before his death.

And it’s clear how even some of his siblings fear him – Gevherhan was scared immediately following the announcement of Kösem no longer being a regent (especially since he did in a way to put  blame on his mother for recent events to prop himself up, and he was also engaged in state matters at that point). Kasim also immediately fears being locked up in kafes or even executed. Judging by their conversations, despite problems going on, last 10 years were a peaceful time for their family.

As I said, out of all Kösem’s opponents only Handan and Derviş weren’t worse than her, and she was the only main player that never engaged in mass slaughter – Safiye, Halime&Co., Gülbahar&Sinan, Murad, Turhan - all did.

Same with Atike – she was a baby when when her father died, didn’t even spend her early years locked up as Ibrahim…. she’s honestly so blind it’s painful. The scene where she jumps at Kemankeş for trying to talk sense to Ibrahim not to appoint Genie Master as chief judge… please your brother is now acting contrary to Imperial law and it’s asking for further disaster if Cinci increases his influence among ulema by bringing people who pay him into it & it’s good Ibo is controlled in this way… nah, it’s actually necessary. And how you jump from this to your mother I have no idea either. A true performative “activist”, who talks about protecting her brother, but all is limited to talking  & exposing her moral superiority, while it’s not supported by any real actions helping him.

Well, you got your revenge on your mother for killing the husband who despised you, acted against your youngest brothers at that point, and likely was only praying you wouldn’t follow him also into afterlife.

I also forgot to mention one more example of Mu/rat manipulating the narrative – when he tells Atike following the failed dethronement attempt & Kasim’s death that their mother had lied to her and tried to kill him – he was after all put in kafes, he should be aware nobody planned an assassination attempt, bah he KNEW the whole plan from Sinan… and yes, Kösem being so adamant that nothing can happen to Mura/t cost her Kasim in the end.

Atike herself was aware that Mu/rat would have killed her brothers even if the dethronement attempt had not happened as she told him to his face after Kasim’s death and she stated that he had made the decision long ago. Later however she got the letter from Murad informing her who killed Silahtar and she even released Traitor No. 1 Sinan to spite her mum 😂.

I suppose princes at this point led the hardest existence because they were closed in kafes, unable to get decent education&experience or have families (maybe they were allowed to have sex with cariyes, but contraception had to be used or even abortion if the concubine of a sehzade has got pregnant) but at the same time they weren’t certain whether they wouldn’t be killed because the switch to anti-fratricide was pretty new&the times were turbulent. Osman clearly broke Imperial law by getting fetva from military judge to kill Mehmed, and Murad killed the biggest number of Ahmed’s sons obviously (yeah more than in the show because not all princes appeared in MYK, though we don’t know the exact number of Ahmed’s sons, Murad definitely also executed Suleiman, most likely his full brother). I laugh when people go about “rule-breaker” Murad. Wow by getting back to law that has already began to run its course, clap clap.

Murad was king of hypocrisy and it’s also a historical fact. As Halil İnalcık states in his book Ottoman Empire: The Classical Age: “ The tyrannical Murad IV was a habitual drinker and at the same time the most ruthless supporter of the prohibition againt alcohol”. Mu/rat tried to make use of religion in his attempts to drill absolute obedience, but he wasn’t a religious person himself & definitely tried to take from religion what it most suited him, while ignoring other things, e.g. he kept decreasing zakat, aka income tax that goes to charity. A small bit of trivia: apparently he was a big fan of Machiavelli’s The Prince, there were even some rumours that he translated the book himself (we can only imagine he also took from this book what he wanted 🤪 ).

Similarly Turhan manipulated the narrative, also in a hypocritical way – remember her going like: “how many padişahs you killed?” and she was the main force behind Ibo’s death… the moment Ibo told her that she “was a coward who hid behind his mother’s skirts”… it was clear he was doomed. There was explicit anger on Turhan’s side here. Not only because she felt insulted by him, but also because she felt a need to prove both to him and the world that she was capable to be on top without Kösem’s support.  Not to mention all her actions leading to Ibo’s situation, also her ordering Mehmed to sign his dad’s death order was so chilling “I don’t want dad to die”. Well, now let’s play morally pure, especially while murdering elderly (very elderly lbr :p) Haci in again a brutal way, including twisting his neck. It’s not even that she removed a padisah – she actively worked to make him crazier and for his rule to be total failure, it wasn’t even about her, Ibo or Kösem – whole nation suffered because she was impatient to take power into her hands./BTW pity we skipped the time period when they were both Valides and we know both tried to get rid of each other, without harming Mehmed/ And frankly even with Kösem it was a terrible & undeserved backstabbing because also Ibi criticised Turhan for this saying his mother always “loved and protected her, did so much for her” and I doubt Ibo was biased here considering that he was also on bad terms with his mum at that moment.

Later the situation truly calmed down & later princes could live much more peacefully because the practice of killing truly went out of style and also later there were less and less restrictions on princes and they could for example travel abroad with the reigning padişah. For example, Sultan Abdülaziz took princes for a European trip and they even had a chance to meet Queen Victoria.

And I laugh when people blame Kösem for “failing to protect the princes” instead of you know, blame the actual killer. Ahmed truly replenished dynasty, while Murad axed a number of his brothers, at the same time of course used his own propaganda. It is true that Murad executed the favourite of princes, Bayezid, during celebrations following the successful Revan campaign. Similarly, when Kasim was executed someone spread rumours about the prince impregnating a number of concubines & it was before the Baghdad campaign when even setting out on it Murad had to display his “splendour and glory”.

Show-wise I legit one read that Kösem killed Ahmed because she spared Bulbül following Safiye’s attempted coup lmao. It’s not like Ahmed wasn’t there when she made the decision & it’s not like it wasn’t Hümaşah who after all got Yasemin in, and I doubt anyone could oppose an Imperial princess anyway – she would have found another servant. And Bülbül later saved Kösem’s kids, so… scapegoating truly is in some people’s blood lmao.

I love how MYK played with the idea of historical representation & creation of narrative, how people “see” and how different factors might influence their perception & creation of narrative. And also how S2 put into different perspective some stuff from S1. I admit there were some things that back during first watch of MYKS1 made me go WTF? that I later understood when compared/contrasted with MYK S2. It’s clear that they truly planned a lot of the whole show back in S1.

It’s sometimes interesting how narratives may be created and repeated even without evidence supporting it - there is no historical evidence that Kösem took part in Osman’s dethronement, yet it is something that often pops up even in “historical articles” for example. People deduce since Kösem later became Valide quite soon because Mustafa’s (or rather Halime’s) reign didn’t last long, know Şehzade Mustafa’s (Suleiman’s son) story, and some rumours about what Ottoman women did to secure throne for their children, so they see getting rid of one’s stepson to claim throne for one’s child as logical and usual in Ottoman system,  even when there is no proper evidence backing it up. Because it seems natural and logical, so why not make it more spicy? We know next to nothing about Mahfiruz, but there is this “Betty vs Veronica” trope, so suddenly we learn that Mahfiruz was Kösem’s opposite, not politically involved or ambitious, but gentle & sweet, and even details like light hair pop up as opposed to Kösem’s dark hair (sometimes of course it is also extended to good vs. evil). Taken from where, other than fitting a known trope? Or when she’s presented as some sort of Mahidevran vol.2 as having as close relationship with Osman like Mahi did with Mustafa, perfect prince and jealous stepmother Kösem. I know some of the stuff is also derived from Western, orientalist plays, but those are obviously not sources and should not be treated as truth. And sometimes it it even repeated by historians. For example Uluçay, who  was very against Sultanate of Women & pretty much propagated a lot of rumours (and new approach to the period truly changed a lot of how academia writes about these women now). Let us look at this quote:

Taken from: Necdet Sakaoğlu, Famous Ottoman Women.

It’s clear what narrative Uluçay chose for his research.

It’s common practice to sometimes fill in the blanks (and sometimes even change stuff) with known cliches, tropes, and narratives.

It is truly a topic for an extended discussion, so I will stop for now, but when it comes to Ottoman history I do recommend Daniel Piterberg’s Ottoman Tragedy. History and Historography at Play, which shows how the same event may be even differently presented in historical works depending on chosen narrative that is often rooted in current context.

[bellamygateoldblog]

The 100 7x01: Discussion

My general takeaway from the episode can be summarised like this: Echo is spectacular. (I might’ve said “oh my god look at her!!!!!” and “ugh she is just The Best” too many times to count).

This is long-ish because I really just wanted to consolidate my thoughts in one place. Bitch it’s me i got a lot to say!!!!!

The Good Parts

— The farmhouse setting. While it’s existence is strange and “a sore thumb” and worked to further push Sanctum being the abomination born of clumsily mixing genres and time periods in terms of construction/costuming, making everything appear disconnected and obnoxious, it was still a nice change. It made me feel warmer and more comfortable as a ‘modern’ viewer. It’s a breath of fresh air from the constant dark element: dilapidated post-apoc buildings falling from their foundation, endless woods, and equally cold-feeling labs and skeleton dungeons.

— Echo. This was a damn good episode for Echo and every second reminded me of why she’s my favourite. She’s a badass. I always love to see her falling naturally into leadership of her little ragtag groups who accept it wholeheartedly. From the “testing a theory” moment where she went ‘when Gabriel doesn’t speak >>>’, to right at the end when she killed the solider about to “eliminate” Hope (hesitation is death...oh no he can’t hear us he’s got airpods in oh my god). It was Echo that got them through the whole sequence with the anomaly, Echo who figured shit out, Echo who quickly judged the situations and formed plans to overcome the obstacles. In other words: she did THAT.

Favourite scene: Echo coming face-to-face with the projection of her own insecurities in the form of Roan and Echo 1.0, and physically overcoming them (shooting them down), along with the trauma and pain that they both represent. The perserverence and getting the job done despite the emotional torture felt like a callback to the Psychosis episode of 6x02 when she was clever enough to sedate herself to silence the voices in her head. I also think the dialogue chosen was also foreshadowing that she would become a leader by the finale (commander?) and i love to see it!

— Clarke and Madi’s conversation. Oh Clarke, you just keep reinforcing and validating my perceptions of who you are as a person over and over again lol. In all her self-importance failing to remember that Madi, in fact, had and was raised by her biological parents for half of her life (and the new knowledge that she spent six years telling her little mind tales from the book of her life whilst apparently never taking the time to learn about Madi’s or acknowledge/honour her birth parents in any way) is “yeah that’s about right” to me. Sure you could say she was still reeling from the events of six and her death-almost death-almost death again. But I’ve always had this Thing about the relationship between Clarke and Madi. And i’ve seen some of the lighthearted humourous reception that scene got from fandom, “#where do you think the child CAME from?!” which only served to remind me of my own impression that Clarke views Madi as wholely ‘hers’, as if Madi’s existence was tied to Clarke, but i might elaborate in a seperate post.

This scene was a lovely display of self-awareness I’ve rarely seen on Clarke (never even got it when she electrocuted said child two seasons ago- however that absense of apology and acknowledgement of the sheer wrongness of that action also fits very nicely with my view of her lmao, still though, a weird choice for your ‘heroine’).

— Clarke’s “feels like a different world.” Felt romantically-coded. I think Gaia/Clarke might be the most convinient relationship to transform into romance at this point. However I’m sincerely hoping this road they could go down won’t reduce Gaia to a crutch/accessory for Clarke, and that she doesn’t become merely a love interest. I’ve seen talk already of Gaia being “Clarke’s happiness” etc.. which is already confirming my worst fears. Sigh.

This moment very much felt like found closure and the turning of a page. But i will say it was a very sharp turn from the three seasons of shoehorned-in mentions of Lexa, and last season’s emphasis on Clarke’s very-much intact emotional response to her memory- “it’s why you cry when you think about Lexa”- to her looking at an image of Lexa’s memory of her, reminicing but having no emotional response to it, and brushing it off while sharing a soft look with Gaia (and this is a few days since s6? I don’t know how this timeline is working but Tbh it’s not like these writers ever concerned themselves with ‘realistic time frames’ anyway lol). Yep, Jason’s seasons are individual “movies,” alright.

Other *nodding approvingly* moments

— Raven’s subtle “elevator eyes” on Clarke when she started giving her orders again. I see you, Miss Reyes, and I appreciate you.

— Raven + the foot in her mouth and the cute way she catches herself both times. I just love watching characters fail at existing LOL. She was feeling more human than stereotype or plot device this episode.

— "Mommy and Auntie O” and the implication that Hope is a child inside an aged-up body.

— This quote: “I know what it’s like to lose your family 100 years ago and yesterday at the same time.” It’s so literal but I like it a lot.

— Clarke being ‘leader’ again is, as usual, solely a matter of convinient (and familial/love) circumstances and it felt very true.

The Rest

— The Eligius Situation. So Clarke and her inner circle conquer and live in a nice home, and we’re specifically told Clarke takes the master suite (and the dog), and I was like ‘fair enough’ but then she orders prison labour. She tells them to build her a compound that they won’t actually get to be apart of, and to live in tents while they do so. They aren’t getting anything out of this (before they resist and set their own terms). This is slavery. Also, those aren’t her people to boss around, look down on, and use accordingly for her own gain (in fact they barely know her or why she’s gone from being that one unloyal woman who executed their men and got herself captured like an idiot, then couldn’t make up her mind about which side she wanted to kill- to one in the uppermost position of authority...like...they woke up yesterday) But, then again, that never stopped her.

— Too much and not enough at the same time. The pacing of the episode in general was awful. Too much happening in quick succession, no breathing room, too many factions (no, actually Raven, where is ALIE when you need her? smh). I blink, I miss an entire scene and a character is now beating someone else up. Amazingly, i was still bored 90% of the time.

— The Children of Gabriel calling themselves “The Children of Gabriel.” It was always goofy, even more so when a grown man is saying it.

— Murphy + his self loathing over Abby’s death. Did I miss the part where she was ever good to him? One of their final moments together was of her telling him he deserved to die over Clarke after she spent the entire series treating him like he was inferior and disposable. uhhhhhhhhhh.

— The picnic scene. Jackson’s sudden violent outburst was unearned (it wasn’t even set up???), and also disrespectful. Wrong place, wrong time, bro. He’s grieving? Okay. But when Abby’s daughter is sitting right in front of you, making this about you, ruining a perfectly good toast in her honour with your uncomfortable accusations loses you points you never even had to begin with. And this is a ‘me’ thing but I can’t be bothered to be sympathetic when this is about Abby Griffin.

Also, I have to say it. Eliza’s acting took me out of the scene every time I looked at Clarke. I couldn’t for the life of me work out what those expressions were supposed to be.

— Russell, his manpain, and a fury over the consiquences of his own actions  that could rival the grounders (”my brother died in your ring of fire [while he was trying to murder you all]” hmm sounds like a you problem). But the worst part is, I simply couldn’t tell where he stood or what he was feeling. He’s so one-dimensional. He’s an evil man (so much for ”grey morality”).

— Clarke + Jordan. A small point to make but all Clarke has done since Marper made her ‘Godmother’ of their son has blame him for everything bad happening lol. Marper loses a lot of my respect as time goes on for that choice. As much as I dislike Jordan’s presence in the show, still not a great pattern to have noticed.

— Raven seeking approval from Clarke (specifically) for the Prime idea was...weird and very bad. When has Raven ever cared for Clarke’s validation, especially in the last few seasons?

Was also taken aback by how Indra and Miller are both suddenly so protective of Clarke, like i can make sense of the Indra part even though it relies on me making things up that aren’t supported by what’s on screen, but Miller?

— (Bonus moment that was bad for me, but not for the same reason it was for the rest of you: the scene of Hope finding the message in her arm. When she was removing the blood-soaked bandage I freaked out because I thought she was peeling her skin off. You’re welcome for that visual.)

The Mixed/No Feelings

— Clarke’s full-dark-no-stars. How many times have they told me now she’s “the head”? LMAO. 

I have no actual formed opinion on it. Only disjointed thoughts. Like i might’ve just gone “good for her” if Clarke wasn’t the person she is, with the history she has.

I appreciate the idea, to have her spend the whole episode declaring she is, in fact, completely fine, to end it having her explode with the repressed pain.

I mean...i realise the cognition behind it, but it’s eye-roll inducing at this point. This- kicking Russell to death (giving him exactly what he wanted and set out to provoke), and burning down a palace she promised to keep intact, once again going against the group to do her own Thing that they all ultimately have the suffer the consiquences of and help clean up- is just a repeat of past patterns, and Monty’s “do better” mantra that she desperately clung to like she owned it last season is nowhere in sight.

(Also, I can’t be the only one who spotted her physically smacking that Sanctum girl as she walked onto the balcony? Not cool. Wasn’t cool when Murphy acted like a dick to one of them either this episode.)

The rushed switch did a number on me, too, like Jackson’s did. Literally five minutes before she was preaching about a peaceful life for Madi that doesn’t take revenge (I think I know what they were going for with that but it just left me feeling confused and frustrated).

Furthermore, I’ve seen talk that this was her “burning down of a symbol of oppression”, something she experienced first hand (not so unlike Blodreina and the bunker she desperately wanted to escape and deliver her people from), but there was no noble, calculated intention there. She burned the palace accidentally in her rage because she was in pain and disorientated. The moral stuff was just an after effect.

The speech was also very ‘Clarke’. Feeling entitled to and making decisions on who lives and dies right after declaring this wasn’t their kill to make. She wasn’t the only person hurt by the Primes (but we’ve also been given no reason to care about any of the other victims- the manipulated, enslaved population have been turned into a joke and a punching bag for the main characters which...isn’t great either). And the castle could’ve been used to shelter some of the “too many people” we had problems with through the episode (or used to harvest resources from). It really comes down to if i think the situation justifies the reaction and if i hold her wholely responsible...and this is the part where i reiterate that i have no intact opinion and don’t actually care to have one either ha.

[queenrhenpendragon]

You know whose arc gets me every time?

Dameon’s. Dameon Maurva's arc is so beautiful and significant and affects not only himself but multiple other characters and also the entire heckin plot of the game and it moves me Every. Single. Time.

So I’m going to rant  about it, welcome to the post I’ve been waiting to make for fourteen years.

First of all, this precious sun, this dear one, this absolute angel, was most likely raised mainly by an Ahriman sympathizer-- like, c'mon, am I supposed to believe Talia kept a child in the dream realm? Even without the nightmares it's dangerous, and very isolated. If something were to happen there would be nowhere she could send Dameon while she dealt with it. It’s one thing in fanfiction, but when I actually consider the logistics, either she was a truly terrible, irresponsible parent, or Dameon lived in Aveyond with his father. I've played Ahriman’s Prophecy; responsibility is Talia's middle name. Dameon was raised in Aveyond.

He has to have been a lonely child. He most likely had no human friends, and definitely none his age. Maybe the binis or fairies or sometimes Vata babysat him when Mr. Maurva was unavailable. Maybe not. Either way, such contact couldn’t replace his need for love and validation from his incredibly busy and important parents.

He probably constantly sought his parents' approval and was constantly falling short because how do you impress an immortal sun priest, millenia old and the last of his kind? Especially one who is apparently becoming disenchanted with the ideals he once fought for, the ideals his fellow priests died for. How do you impress a half-fairy who saved the world at the tender age of 17, who then became the Guardian of Dreams and is responsible for the safety and well being of every mortal creature? Especially! When! You only see them when they’re not busy keeping the universe running smoothly!

Furthermore. 

Please understand that I love Talia and do not wish to vilify her in any way. I point out her flaws because I love her, because her shortcomings are so human and tragic and are part of what make the story as impactful as it is. And Talia... does not easily express affection. She is not likely to have cuddled Dameon during the times his father took him to the Dreamworld-- which just can't have been often, I just can't imagine a parent who even kind of cared about their child taking them to such a place frequently. She is not likely to have praised him or spent any notable amount of time showing interest in his interests. I do not say this to condemn her. She had a lot of responsibilities. She had never been a mother before-- and yes, she had a great example of motherhood in her Grandmama, but her own mother also left her in the care of others, abandoned her to pursue a louder call. Is it any wonder that she ultimately did the same to her own child?

She has no real relationship with Dameon. Even without all the evidence I have already laid out, this much is obvious in the way they speak to and about each other. Talia doesn't even mention Dameon is her son when she first tells Rhen about him. She gives him no more than an epithet, "Dameon, the sun priest." She does not express particular concern over his safety, even though she knows the druids are in danger and she herself was almost killed. 

And Dameon calls her “mother,” and it is not because of the dialogue style of the game. Talia calls her parental figure “Grandmama.” Rhen calls Tailor “Pa” and “Daddy,” and Ma is known only as “Ma.” But Dameon calls Talia “Mother,” and his father “Father,” because that is the level of familiarity between them. The Maurvas live a strict, solitary life. Is it any wonder that Dameon is stiff and formal at the beginning? Is it any wonder he struggles to connect with others beyond a thoughtful compliment or an antiquated form of greeting? He doesn’t like himself, let alone trust himself. No one has ever taught him how to. He is so isolated, and lonely, and touch-starved, and unloved, and if that was the end of his character it would still move me. But there is more.

Talia literally killed his father, her own husband. It had to have happened when Dameon was still very young. If you take into account Devin’s apparent age, and the fact that a barely-aged Jack in av2 remembers Alicia as queen of Thais when we know that you can only ascend to the throne of Thais if you are married, and a few other details which I would be happy to pull up if anyone is interested, you will realize that Dameon can’t possibly be more than a year older than Rhen. More likely, he is younger, and this would be in line with the other canon ships we see throughout the Aveyond series.

 And we found out in Rhen’s Quest that his father was murdered “many years ago.” MANY! YEARS! He was still a child, maybe 11 years old, at my best guess. He most likely hadn’t even attended a magic school yet. It’s possible he wasn’t even thinking about it. And then he had to take the position as Druid of Light. When he was a child, still mourning the death of the person most precious to him, at the hands of the only other person he could have had any semblance of a relationship with in all of Aia.

The people who were supposed to be teaching Dameon how to be gentle, loyal, and upright instead taught him how to hurt, and betray, and murder those closest to him. Even without Ahriman's influence, how is a child raised in that environment supposed to turn out healthy and good? 

And yet he is still good! He is gentle and thoughtful towards not just Rhen but everyone he meets on the quest. That includes heckin MAD MARGE if you forgot. That includes an actual ogre. That includes people who are spiteful and dismissive towards him. He treats Rhen like she outranks him, the Guardian of the Sun, when she is still a peasant with a practice sword. He is kind to literally everyone except Talia, and he is at least respectful even to her. He never raises his voice at her. He never calls her anything except Mother. Never traitor, never murderer, never any of the curses we know Amanda had no qualms about using because she used them plenty in AP. Just Mother. 

In fact he appears to be the reason Ahriman decided against killing Talia. Yes, Dameon wants justice for his murdered father. I think anyone who is being honest with themselves can admit they would, too. But he doesn’t want to kill her. He doesn’t want her to die. He just wants her to understand what she did, to understand the hurt she caused. He is apparently so against killing her that Ahriman has to change his carefully laid plans before he can convince Dameon to change sides.

And consider. During all of this, Dameon is literally possessed by Ahriman, or under his demonic influence, or however you want to phrase it. This influence likely began even before the game, but even if you ignore that, it is no small thing. Remember how quickly Mel became corrupted under this influence? Remember how quickly Galahad, who resisted the urge to drink blood for actual centuries, became corrupted? The fact that Dameon has any shred of goodness at all, after years of exposure to such darkness, even if you ONLY take into account the actual duration of the game, is evidence that Rhen is right; Dameon has a genuinely good, incredibly strong heart.

And speaking of that conversation. Please allow me to share some of my favorite screenshots in the entirety of the series. 

My precious sun really went from this: 

To having this very level-headed and respectful conversation, of which I have shared only two tiny snippets:

To THIS:

This. Is tangible, real difference, at a rate which makes sense, and I am so proud of him. I have seen people try to dismiss it, and his other development, by saying he is just pretending in order to make Rhen trust him. That literally. Does not make any sense. First of all, if this was part of his efforts to persuade Rhen to join Ahriman he would have done absolutely anything except agree that perhaps Talia was right. He would have tried to convince Rhen that Ahriman was right, not admitted he may have been wrong. And second, even if you ignore that incredibly obvious discrepancy, he either would have forgotten about the conversation with Rhen by the time they returned to the sun shrine and his mother asked him the question again, or he would have pretended to have forgiven her completely. Instead, he acts as though he is uncertain, because he is uncertain. 

And his actions in the dream realm, confronting and fighting Agas for attacking his mother and desecrating her shrine, prove that he is sincere. Of course it takes him some time. Of course he hesitates. Forgiving someone for taking your parent from you is an enormous act. Forgiving someone you trusted for causing you that much pain is unfathomable. His progress is profound and inspiring and does not deserve to be treated like any less.

And he makes this progress while still under Ahriman’s influence! Can you even imagine! Aasgakadgjlkjklj. He tries to do what he believes is right even at the cost of those things most precious to him, his beliefs and ideals and the sacred memory of the person who raised him. ONE conversation prompts him to question everything. While Ahriman still has possession of him. I cannot even begin to comprehend being that brave. And this is just one small example.

I have seen many negative, unfair evaluations of the fairy dust scene. It is deeply tragic to me that such an important, eloquent, beautiful symbol could be so widely misunderstood. I have tried to explain it before. Allow me to indulge myself once again. 

Fairy dust always reveals the truth. This effect is well established, not just in Rhen’s Quest but even in Ahriman’s Prophecy. It heals physical wounds (aka HP) and reveals the truth, and that’s all. There is never any indication that it can change hearts or magically “goodify” anyone or anything. It is not a deus ex machina. It was included specifically to exclude the possibility of that interpretation. It only reveals the truth, and if Dameon had already been aware of the truth, or if he truly honestly wanted the same things Ahriman wanted, it would have changed exactly nothing.  That’s why Rhen’s choice to use it is so significant. It shows that she trusts him, as he is. She knows that he has a good heart and will do what is right when he knows what that is; she has been saying so for the whole game. In the final battle she gets the chance to prove she believes that.

And she does. 

And she’s right. 

When the truth is revealed to Dameon, he follows it, at the cost of his chance for justice, at the cost of living forever, safely, with the one person who has ever shown him any significant amount of affection, at the cost of everything he ever dared to want in his short, lonely, miserable life. While still under Ahriman’s demonic influence! Ahriman is still in his head! And he chooses to resist even though it means he will lose everything. 

Now, this whole plot could have worked without the fairy dust. Previous cutscenes in the game have already proven that Dameon listens to Rhen. The screenshots I included are just a few examples of this; trust me, I could go on for a while. Dameon believes her and believes in her and trusts her, where he doesn’t trust himself. Amanda could have had Rhen just tell him what to do. Rhen could have had another conversation, told Dameon to switch back, and that would be that. It would be consistent and believable with what had happened in the game thus far.

Except then Dameon still wouldn’t trust himself, or like himself. He would still be lonely and self-loathing and miserable, or even if he wasn’t, there would be plenty of room for that interpretation. 

But instead Rhen gives him a choice. Instead Amanda makes it clear that his redemption is not Rhen’s responsibility, or her decision, or her doing at all. All Rhen does is throw the fairy dust, and then lets Dameon realize what is right, and choose for himself what action he will take. She gives him the opportunity to trust himself, to believe in himself, for perhaps the first time in his life. She makes it clear that she believes in him. She gives him the support he’s been starving for his entire existence, and then she steps back, and let’s him choose.

This part is so significant for her arc, too. I have ranted about it elsewhere but allow me to sum up: Rhen has spent the game feeling like she doesn’t have a choice, and questioning her own judgement and her own significance. Dameon is the first to give her a choice, one which she seriously considers. She realizes she’s always had a choice. And she finally acts on her own judgement, without prompting from anyone else (in fact, without prompting even from the player, because as you might recall the choice the player is offered has always been “fight Dameon,” and yet Rhen never lifts a finger against him). She trusts her own heart and invites Dameon to trust his. She has always been a hero but this is the moment she really steps fully into the role. She saves herself. And then she gives Dameon the choice to do the same. 

And they fight Ahriman, at staggering personal costs. Dameon fights while, again, still under Ahriman’s influence. He has to fight Ahriman physically and mentally, or spiritually, or all of them, most likely. He is not free until Rhen plunges the Sword of Shadows through Ahriman’s heart.

This part. I cry every time and I am crying thinking about it. Dameon has been a prisoner for likely as long as he can remember. His father supported Ahriman. He likely let that influence into the sun shrine. He let it affect Dameon. Dameon has likely never known a life without that darkness. Or if he did, he was too young to remember it. And now, finally, he is free. There is light for the first time. And because Rhen gave him a choice, he has the confidence and experience to stay free, to make himself and be proud of himself and not be just what he thought his parents wanted. 

His gratitude to Rhen is profound. He has always been respectful and supportive of her, he has always listened to her and trusted her, as demonstrated during their first conversation when she meets him in Aveyond, and their conversations in the manor in Sedona, and every other tiny interaction they have. He looks up to her immensely.

And I think that is part of why he is so resolute about continuing in his role as the Druid of Light. Rhen has spent the game shouldering responsibilities that no one else could or would. Being the Guardian of the Sun is his responsibility, and he is determined to follow her example. 

It is also the only thing he has ever known.

In the midst of his own uncertainty, still reeling from his own losses, resigned to a lonely eternity in his childhood prison, he still offers Rhen his support and devotion. This is before she ever makes her choice. He listens to her, sympathizes with her, and encourages her. He loves her, explicitly, out loud in canon dialogue, in literally. Every ending. No matter what she chooses. Nobody ever taught him how to love and yet he does it so scrupulously. 

And in the canon ending, the True Ending as many of us like to call it, he finally, finally gets a chance to grow beyond his family’s legacy. To love someone and be there for her. To be adored by her. To be happy. To make a difference. To live a good life and die of old age and be buried beside his best friend and true love, and to face the shadowy unknowns of the afterlife together.  And he accepts it, in an instant. 

This is redemption not only for himself but for Talia, and Nino. All the Maurvas with their good intentions, who never got to see their happy ending because another call was too strong. Talia gets a second chance to watch her son grow, this time in a kinder world. And she gets a second chance with one of her dearest friends. Nino's legacy of absence and broken trust is finally set right. They all get a second chance to become who they intended to be, before they heard the calls they could not ignore. All because Dameon chose truth and love over every other voice, at every cost. 

It was a very fairy-like thing to do. In overcoming his families' legacy, he steps into their true heritage. Aian Fairies value truth and love most of all. 

There is an inscription on the statue that guards the fairies in AP.  It has always resonated with me and I think it will help describe what I mean here:

Heart of gold thy secret guards

Love, felicity, light

Gaia's precious children

I am moved. I do not know a better way to say it. Dameon Maurva inspires me, and comforts me. His example has made me a better person. He has made me a happier person. I am so grateful to Amanda for being brave enough to tell the story she did, and being brave enough to stick by it. Her story changed my life and I honestly, truly do not believe I would be here without it. Her story saved my life, and I can never praise it enough.

[smokeybrand]

Bad Manager

Story time. All this talk of Karens has got me reminiscing about my time in retail. Way back in the wild of my youth, before my chick and i really started getting heavy into out relationship and she mellowed me out, I was a manager at the most ghetto Gamestop in the greater Sacramento area. I actually got the job like i got most things back then; After an argument over Dragon Ball Z. That’s actually how i met my chick, and argument over DBZ, but i digress. I had a thirty minute debate with the assistant manager at the time and he immediately gave me an interview with the store manager. This is, of course, before i found out how sh*tty Gamestop corporate is in real life. In about a year, I worked my way up from seasonal part-time, all the way to Store Manager and i have a Karen story for each phase of my brief career.

Seasonal Part-Time: When you’re a part timer at the ‘Stop, you are basically house b*tch. They make you do the most mundane bullsh*t. Clean the bathrooms, take out the garbage, vacuum the stores, etc. B*tch sh*t. The most mundane task you have, though, is f*cking alphabetizing the goddamn game racks. I HATED that sh*t. it was tedious and f*cking stupid. Once, it took me my entire four hour shift just to properly arrange the PS2 rack. Sh*t was whack, son!

So i finish this sh*t early one day, probably about an hour and a half before i’m off, and this Karen comes in with her kid. He wants a PS2 game. Fine. This little asshole f*cks up the entire system because he can’t find his game. I kept telling the little sh*t that everything was in alphabetical order but he ain’t care. He’s an idiot. After about ten minutes of watching this bundle of cooties and Capri Sun ruin my hard work, i ask him if he knows what “Alphabetize” means and his mom blows up! She accuses me of being cruel and how i had no right to chastise her child and that she would have my job.Obviously, this dumb b*tch escalated the scenario and i had to get my manager. She actually demanded a free game because i asked if her kid understood the order of his ABCs.

Full-Time: Once you graduate to full-time, you get to be looked upon like you are a responsible individual and not house b*tch anymore. There’s usually new part-timers for that. I became third key, a person who’s basically management but gets no management pay, after the ASM who hired me, left. Everyone moved up a rank after that. I started getting opening shifts and sh*t. This is before i was disillusioned with work life and still applied myself for faceless conglomerate who see you as expendable numbers. Don’t worry, we’ll get there soon. Since i’m Third Key, i get opening shifts now. Still don’t do payroll or take corporate calls, but i do everything else management does. As such, thee  are days when it’s just me in the store. I’m the proxy manager because the two others above me make too much hourly and it’s cheaper for me to act as management instead of paying actual management.

It’s, like, six minutes before the store closes. My pat-timer is winding down their ABCing busy work because corporate decreed it so. I’m closing out one o the registers and setting the alarm on the safe to open because that sh*t takes, like, 30 minutes and my ass wants to go home ASAP. We are breezing, man, and about to be out this b*tch in record time. NOPE! Six minutes, man. I remember very distinctly because i glanced at the little clock on the register. Six minutes. This wild Karen rushes my door with her four goddamn crotch spawns six goddamn minutes before lock up! They destroy my store. My part-timer and eye can only watch in dismay. all that work. all that prep. all of it, mute. The f*cked up thing? This b*tch ain’t even buy nothing. We were located next to a Togos.She had the audacity to walk up and small talk at me about how they were waiting for their sandwiches to finish and just needed to kill time.

I tell her that we were closing and she told me, and i quote, “Not with me and my kids in the store.” 9 rolls around and  tell her we have to lock the doors and she’s like, “Go ahead.” I explain to her that i’m not legally allowed to lock up the store with customers on the premises. She looks me dead in the eyes and says, “ Well i guess you’re gonna get some OT tonight then, right?” I’ll never forget that sh*t. That was the first time i felt Retail Rage. I wanted to murder this b*tch. Straight up keelhaul this hoe and set her little monsters on fire. I maintained my composure and after about forty extra minutes, they left. I ended up finishing the close by myself because i had to sen the part-timer home. that’s ABCs, Shelving, closing registers, re-timing the safe, etc. I didn’t get ot of that store until about 11 pm. And had a morning shift at 7. All because a Karen turned my store into a waiting room/playground six minutes before close.

Assistant Manager: My Store Manager got into some sh*t with corporate and they fired him on straight BS. Probably time card fraud, i dunno. I do know he had been with the company for eleven years so f*ck em. I got bumped up to Second Key. Got a little it of a raise. Made schedules now, officially, even though i’d been doing that sh*t since i was Third Key. It’s fine. I can do refunds now and give discounts. I’m “The Manager” and, boy, do you hear about it!

Gamestop is about money. They never want to lose a sale. As such, we have a POS system that let’s you look up merchandise throughout the district. If we don’t have something, we can send you to another store that does. That’s how this story starts. I get a call from another store asking about a game. We have one copy left. They tell me to hold it because someone is coming to get it. Fine. Karen comes in a backpack full of trade-in to pay for this game and get a few extra credits for a birthday gift. Whatever. Back then, we had to test every game that came i. This b*tch had, like, 30. Fine. She also had an old, ratty, PS1. The rectangle ones. That was going to be an argument because she was only getting, like, four dollars for it. She kept gloating about how she got it at launch when she was young and what not. Motherf*cker was as old as Jesus. Also, it rattled. We found out later that was because there was dead roaches in it but that’s a story for another day.

I finish this ridiculous trade in; Tested all the games, made sure they read on both PS2 and PSOne. a few were too scratched to read so i had to run them through the disc cleaner and they ended up being viable after. I trade all of this sh*t in, and the b*tch gets upset when i tell her she’s walking out with less than a hundred in credit and even less than that in cash. She blows up on me, demands to see my manager. I tell her i am the manger, and she just starts going in. I immediately disengage and become visibly indifferent because, if i don’t, i would have beat that b*tch up in front of her children. Like, straight up curb stomp cunts and sh*t. She berates me for being an hourly employee and how she makes more than i do the entire year in a week and all this other sh*t. She just kept getting more and more upset at the fact that i was indifferent to her bullsh*t. B*tch even drops the n*gga wit hte hard “R” a few times, like i didn’t notice. I maintain through all of this racist disrespect. That ain’t what she expected and it definitely wasn’t the reaction she wanted. She demands the corporate number, takes all her games, leaves the Sony RoachMotel, and storms out. I get written up a week later for being an asshole to the customer. I literally just stood there while she turned bright red racist hulk, all over my person, but i’m in the wrong. Okay, Karen.

Bad Manager: My Senior ASM quits because Gamestop is on that bullsh*t so now i’m big man on campus. My DM is forced to promote me to acting Store Manager. Basically, i’m responsible for everything the actual manager does, but i don’t get paid what the manager i pad. It’s that Third Key bullsh*t but, you know, not. By now, it’s been about six months and i do not care. Full on disillusioned and well on my way to outright militant. That’s what Retail does to you. It slowly kills your joy and makes you hate people. I already hated people but this? This sh*t just effortlessly validated why. So it’s me and the other ASM in the store. I hire some regular to round out the staff an change literally everything about the store.

First thing to go was that whack ass dress code. I believe you do your best work when you’re comfortable so it had to go. The next thing i nixed was the ABCs. That sh*t was stupid and a waste of time. As long as the helves were neat, we were good. The next thing i did was spread the reserve and sh*t around. I held a meeting and everyone agreed that was best for the entire store. Numbers were met and no one straggled. Everyone got to keep their jobs and i didn’t have to cut hours. The last major change i instituted was letting staff play games, in store, during downtime. If everything was legit int the store and it was slow, go ahead, pop one of the used titles in a test station, and have a blast. I don’t care. Just don’t be a dick to customers because i don’t want to get hassled. I don’t want you to get hassled. No one wants t get hassled. The time that i was in charge of that store, our numbers were spectacular and we killed even the richest stores in the district. It’s dope how well a team works together when they have high morale ya dig.

One day, i get a call from my new Third key. He and his part timer, his wife at the time, were opening. I wasn’t scheduled to come in that day but he was hysterical. Apparently, this Karen didn’t like her trade in quote and called the f*cking cops. Sac PD was in my store, intimidating the sh*t out of my staff, all because this b*tch thought she deserved more than 20 dollar for her used Gamecube or some sh*t. I walk my ass all the way to work, on my day off, and diffuse the situation with the cops. I explain that prices are set by corporate and there was nothing we could do about the trade in value. I then ask way the f*ck they were even giving validity to this crazy b*tches allegations when she freely admits nothing of hers was actually stolen. Cops didn’t like my questioning their motives and hassled us for another thirty minutes but whatever. They left eventually. I left. The Karen left. The it came back.

This b*tch was in my store for a total of three f*cking hours, trying to sabotage every transaction throughout my Third Key’s shift. Eventually, he clocked out and left. His wife stayed for a few extra hours and this Karen b*tch took the opportunity to just assault her with insults. My part-timer maintained a strong facade. I was so proud of her, man. A lot of the sh*t said was very cruel personal attacks about my part timer’s heritage and status. She was a Ukranian refugee, came over to escape Russian aggression. Gorgeous chick, for real. Very funny. Very affable. Bluest eyes i’ve ever seen on a person. They were unnervingly clear and mad piercing. She was also dummy thicc. Like, she had that super stronk Snow Bunny charm. Let’s just say i made sure to schedule her for a full shift when the Madden and 2K reserves went live.

Anyway, the actual scheduled ASM just hid in the back room while this assault was occurring because he was weenie. Sweet kid, total puss. Karen was going in on how immigrants were the worst and that since she couldn’t understand my part timer’s accent she didn’t deserve to be in the country or have this job. She effectively called her a slut, several times, by insinuating she probably “F*ck your big black boss for this job.” My part timer endured for hours. When she took her break, she immediately called me in tears. She filled me in on the situation. I couldn’t make it back to my store fast enough, man. i blew up on this Karen. I called her out on her elitist bullsh*t, her classist ignorance, and the fact that we didn’t need her stupid f*cking business. I attacked her appearance. infantilized her entire lifestyle. I told her she was a depleted cum-dumpster jealous that my part timer was so vibrant with because her genuine shine reminded the Karen of everything you lost by being a suburban cliche. A middle class punchline. I banned her for being a toxic b*tch. She left my store in gross, sobbing, tears. No one f*cks with my crew like that. I got written up again.

The next day, i was on shift and the Karen bought her husband in to “speak” with me. Part timer and i opened and this big ass, corn-fed, white boy, walks in, bobbing his head around like a rooster. I’m half-sleep behind the register because insomnia, so i let my part timer do her thing. I’m over yonder, full Sith mode, Decepticon hoodie full cowl and bad attitude, wishing a motherf*cker would. And a motherf*cker did. This motherf*cker is right red, trying to assail my part timer, again, just like his wife did before.Speaking of Karen, she’s out front, pacing the entrance like a shark, expecting the fireworks her beau was supposed to bring. Not today, Satan. My part timer was standing her ground, using a lot of firm language, but this motherf*cker is big and i start seeing him using that size to intimidate.

I, immediately, physically step between dude and my part timer. He’s about three inches taller than i am so he presses my gangster. I pull back my hood, and tell him i’m the manager of the store but i can clock out and just be a n*gga in the street if he wanted the Smoke. He didn’t want the Smoke. I called him a b*tch to his face, his wife a cock-gobbling hoe, and his mother a slut. He still did not want the Smoke. He bailed. His wife started gassing on him for being a b*tch as they both shrunk away like the cowards they really were. Never saw either one after that. I didn’t get written up for that though. No f*cks given. Bad Manager life. Gang gang, n*gga.

[leafenclaw]

Tag your 10 favorite characters of all time

They can be from every book/movie/TV show/Video game, then tag 10 people.

Tagged by @jamlocked, thank you! :D

But also, oh god. XD

Early on as I was making that list, I encountered three problems: 1 - Most of my favourite characters of all time are actually variations on a single character archetype, with a whole damn lot of them even wearing the same name (or similar enough lol). 2 - Most of the ones that don’t fall under this category are from the same 2-3 source material, unless... 3 - ... they’re from sources that I cannot in good conscience recommend anymore, like for example books from MZ Bradley or OS Card that were extremely significant and shaped who I am, but considering what their authors turned out to be, enough said lol.

So instead of a “my favourites of all time” list, I just picked characters that made a significant and lasting impact on me, even if they didn’t turn out to be my absolute favourite from their media source. I hope that’s okay!

Cut for length, because as usual I got chatty.

In no particular order, aside perhaps for the first two: 

1 - Jamie Moriarty from Elementary. My everything. <3 She’s made of... honestly, pretty much all the archetypes I inevitably fall for, male or female, but somehow she rises above the sum of her parts and I cannot even start expressing how much she means to me. Other characters in the same general type would be of course all the Moriartys, Magneto, Gellert Grindelwald, Red John, Alice Morgan, etc. A lot of those characters are heavily defined by their sky-high intelligence and deviousness, but more importantly by the shapes they leave behind when they aren’t on screen/on the pages or when they’re hiding behind masks and facets that never encompass them as a whole, and by the way they always make a extremely lasting impact on the protagonist. When it’s a TV show or a movie, the use of camera language (lighting, colour schemes, camera plans, etc.) around them is always tightly defined and significant, and when it comes to literature, the same effect is applied through metaphors and symbolism. It makes the layers to those characters absolutely endless and when it comes to storytelling, it’s the one thing that’s guaranteed to hook me straight away. (Jamie is also obviously my favourite from her source material, even though Sherlock comes high in second place, and Watson a close third. And I also have a baffling soft spot for Joshua Vikner that probably deserves a mention lol.)

2 - Vegeta from Dragon Ball. Started a genocidal alien who regularly committed mass murder, ended a devoted, self-sacrificial husband and father of two (three if you count his son from the future). Still the best redemption arc I’ve ever seen (and probably will ever see) in any kind of media ever. (He is also -by far- my favourite from his source material.)

3 - Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter. My fae child <3 Literally the only female character I ever identified with in that whole series. People close to me still regularly tell me I channel her lol. (Favourite from her source material: it’s a toss between Gellert Grindelwald and Severus Snape.)

4 - Jareth from Labyrinth. My (other) fae asshole child found in a trash bin lol. Love of my life before I was 10, kept me sane and believing in magic when I most needed to. I learned contact juggling because of him. (He is my fave, although I love Sarah even when she’s being a dramatic whiny teen.)

5 - Rebecca Anderson from The Mentalist. I have a strong and everlasting love for pretty much all characters in TM, but this one extremely minor character made a chilling impact on me by the fact she’s exactly who I would have turned out to be had I not made one tiny little change at a crucial point in my life. So she makes the list if only for that. (My fave TM character is Lisbon, but the way she acts and reacts baffles me on a daily basis. I understand and identify with Jane much better. Fighting hard in third place would be Lorelei Martins and Madeleine Hightower, I think, but I truly love them all and by this point it’s just nuances.)

6 - Erik from Phantom of the Opera. This one stabbed me with a spoon and ate my heart out lol. I care a lot more for the original Leroux version than the Broadway/movie version, but the absolute top iteration of this character is written by Susan Kay in the pastiche Phantom and I bet every serious PotO fan will agree. (He is -by far- my fave, with the Daroga a distant second.)

7 - Eurus Holmes from BBC Sherlock. This one took me completely by surprise. One of the shittiest character arcs I’ve ever seen, and yet. She’s the one that pulled me out of the meta mindset I had been stuck into since season 2 and gutted me like a fish before I had time to realise what happened. (Jim and Irene share the top spot for their source material, but all three Holmes siblings are fighting for third place.)

8 - Hans from Frozen. The one character that made me realise the storytelling & camera language studies paid off lol (”wtf Disney doesn’t design its princes that way, there’s something off about him!”). I genuinely hated him right off the bat when I saw that movie because he made my gut twist with so many red flags, but the moment he revealed himself as a villain things clicked into place and now I love him lol (I’m so predictable xD). He shares the “hiding behind smoke & mirrors & facets of himself” with the Moriarty archetype, which makes him fascinating to watch and analyse, and for that alone I hope to see more of him in Frozen 2 because I never get enough of that kind of character. (Elsa used to be my favourite, but lately there’s been a disconnect. I’m not sure if I just out-grew her or if it’s a depression thing. As for Hans, it’s a strange kind of love/hate/fascination thing that I couldn’t define.)

9 - Clarice Starling from Silence of the Lambs. For the sole reason that her fascination for Hannibal and the pull that makes her come back even though she knows he’s terrible for her mental health made me feel seen, and also validated my own fascination and love for villains, which people around me always found strange. (Obviously, my fave is Hannibal. I wish the recent show about him wasn’t so gore. Can’t watch it because I’m too sensitive to on-screen violence and body horror.)

10 - Laure/Mickaël from Tomboy This one is a little harder to explain, and to be honest I’m not sure I really want to. That movie is... questionable lol but maybe you’ll have an idea why that character made such an impact on me if you saw it. (Or maybe not. It’s okay.)

Runner-ups: Link from A Link to the Past, Sheik/Zelda from Ocarina of Time, Jake from The Dark Tower, Scotty Valens from Cold Case, Scar from The Lion King, Billy Elliot from Billy Elliot, Arya Stark from ASOIAF, Garraty from The Long Walk, L from Death Note, and many many others.

I have exactly 10 followers, one of them tagged me, and I tagged 5 of you earlier on something else so I’m not going to harass you people further. XD Steal this if you want to!

[blooddrinkingbartender]

Team Fortress 2 Verse

Below, you will find a profile for Bill’s Team Fortress 2 verse, where he works as an Admin and occasional supplier. To be honest, it’s pretty much the same (even his backstory) as his regular self, except the game is set around the 60s/70s and Bill is an admin/supplier. 

Name: William Godolphin IV (he started going by Bill Cyrus Goodwin during the 1800s, the surname was changed first during the 1500s, and he added the middle name in the mid 1950s)

Nickname: Vampire of Roxbury, Old Bill, Monster, Admin

Age:  Around 800 years old (looks to be in his early to mid-thirties)

Birthday: 7th December 1171 (Star sign: Sagittarius)

Gender: Cis Male (he/him/his pronouns)

Sexual Orientation: Pansexual.

Species: Vampire (died and turned in the year of 1203)

Powers and Abilities: Mesmerism (able to force people to obey his commands, entrance them, or forget that they encountered him, it’s arguably his strongest skill, but it works a lot better when he’s also applying physical contact), flash steps (he can move at abnormal speeds. He can cross a long distance in a literal blink), heightened senses, forming very long claws, regeneration (the time it takes depends on the severity of the wound and how long it’s been since he last fed). Able to create his own shadow weapons of sorts, such as using them to create tendrils to grab/damage opponents, and he can smell lies ‘like when someone rips ass in a car’.

Weaknesses: Can’t enter a place without being invited (however, that doesn’t stop him using his mesmerism to force people to invite him in), some people can naturally see through the glamour and/or resist his mesmerism, fire (kills all vampires), sunlight (surprisingly, it doesn’t kill him, but it still burns him to the bone, leaves him in horrible pain, and makes him wish he could die), can’t utilise his super speed if he’s being watched (he can move quickly while you blink though), cannot consume normal food or drinks without vomiting them up again soon after (he still has eaten or drank normal things for the taste),  the sap and juice of fresh plants burns him like acid, and holy symbols repel him (as long as the wearer/user knows this and/or has faith that it will. If it works, in his point of view, the symbol glows in a blinding light and he feels the sensation of something pushing him back.)

Ethnicity: White

Current Residence: Mainly lives and works at Coldfront base, but moves around as needed. 

Former Residence: Many. His very first was Penzance in Cornwall, and then he kept moving from place to place after he was turned. During the 1500s, he moved to the United States, and now subconsciously speaks with an American twang (currently, his accent is associated with Massachusetts.)

Nationality: English (in particular, he came from Cornwall)

Mother: Glanna Godolphin (deceased)

Father: William Godolphin Sr. (deceased)

Siblings: None. He was the only surviving child out of eleven.

Other Family: He does have a few distant living relatives who are unaware of his existence due to having cousins that kept passing their blood on. 

Height: 6’3”

Weight: 200lbs

Body Type: Mesomorph/Muscular

Hair: Ginger, as is his beard.

Eyes: Very pale grey with slit pupils and red sclerae (Regular grey with normal pupils and sclerae when glamouring)

Languages: English, American Sign Language (ASL), British Sign Language (BSL), Cornish, French, German, Russian and Latin and currently learning Japanese (he’s had plenty of time to learn.)

Distinguishing features: He has major burn scars on the right side of his abdomen, chest, part of his right arm, and just above his butt. A hunter managed to set him on fire. Luckily, before it could kill him, he managed to put himself out. That Hunter paid with her life. He is always physically cold.  He can see himself in mirrors, despite popular belief. He’d be very sad if he couldn’t. The same goes for photographs. However, he doesn’t cast a shadow. If he doesn’t drink blood for a long time, he starts to age. Drinking blood reverses this effect.

He has three scars on his chest that are either from arrows or crossbow bolts. They’re all under his left pec muscle. He can only assume that that was how he died before he became a vampire; someone had shot at him three times and at least one of the projectiles had killed him. 

He has a birthmark on the back of his left hand that’s shaped like a crescent. He often jokes that it’s because one of his ancestors was a werewolf. He also has a tattoo of a Cornish Heath plant snaking around and down his outer upper thigh.

He usually is in a ‘glamour mode’ of sorts in order to blend in with mortals a lot more easily. He can turn this on and off as he wishes, but some people are able to still see through it when it’s on. When he’s ‘glamouring’, his fangs look like normal teeth, his skin looks more like a healthy pink than the deathly white veiny visage it actually is, and his eyes look a warm grey with regular pupils rather than yellow with slit pupils and red sclerae.

If you can get him drunk (he needs to feed on a drunk person), tired enough (wake him up during the day), or flustered enough (good luck with that one), he’ll revert back into his English/Cornish accent.

He always carries a gun on his person; an original Colt Frontier Six-Shooter, of the Bisley 1895 model, 'just in case’.

Hobbies and Interests: Dancing, astronomy (might as well enjoy the stars if you’re nocturnal), origami, drawing, mythology (he has met some figures of myth, or so he claims), and smithing. He’s also pretty good at playing acoustic and electric guitars, acoustic and electric violins, a lyre, the harmonica, the ocarina, and the accordion.

Occupation: He works as a supplier and admin for both BLU and RED, at TFI. He simply does what he is asked by the higher-ups, but takes requests from the regular crew as needed. He is NOT connected to respawn due to his vampirism. 

Personality: He’s friendly, he’s confident, and he can be rather eccentric at times. He’s far from shy and he enjoys the company of others. He lives to entertain, laugh, spread laughter and merriment, and give and get validation.

However, he can come across as conceited, arrogant, a show-off, a bit of a large ham at times, and/or a little bit too full-on for some people. That said, he honestly doesn’t mean harm (not anymore at least) and if you’re his friend, he will kill for you and do what he can to keep you happy.

He’s usually quite hard to anger. He can laugh off most insults or even attempts to hurt him physically. However, if you do make him mad, it’s your funeral, or at least your mind’s. He does try to keep himself in check however. He has no plans to go back to the sadistic bastard that he used to be.

Basic Backstory: Starting out his life in the coastal town of Penzance, Cornwall (in England), William Godolphin was the only survivor of the eleven children his parents gave birth to. His father was a lord and his mother was a blacksmith’s daughter who was married into the family.

William lived a fairly easy and unremarkable life with his loving mother, not-so-loving father and a few servants. His father made sure he worked hard however, not wanting to hand him everything on a silver plate, and told the same of his servants. That said, William was fairly well off, and spent his childhood and adult years getting ready to take on his father’s estate. On finding out his bloodline’s wealth and notoriety was founded on thievery, murder, extortion, he was not so willing to do so, but he was unsure of how to find a way out of it.

However, at the age of 31 years old, tragedy struck, and he was attacked and bitten while taking a walk. Despite being weakened by a draining of his blood, he was still determined to get home. But then he was shot and killed, reviving as a vampire soon after. He has no clue how he became a vampire, and who made him (although his maker would often speak into his head), and it did take him some time to get used to his new condition. However, after about fifty years or so, he managed to wrap his head around all of it.

He started out his unlife as a sadistic asshole, to be blunt. After the death of his parents (he hid his condition and they went to the grave never knowing what he became), he dismissed his servants to his father’s uncle’s house, took his inheritance, sold his old estate for a sizeable sum, and travelled. He toyed, hurt and killed humans as he pleased. 

What he doesn’t know is that his maker was puppeting him from a distance during those three hundred years. He still believes the choices he made during that time were his own. It also took a toll on his mental state even centuries later.

During the mid-1500s (coincidentally, around the same time his maker died) however, he came to the realisation that he didn’t enjoy doing what he was doing. He didn’t enjoy hurting or killing others. He decided to try and use his abilities for good, targeting criminals like murderers or rescuing those who might have needed it. He knew he couldn’t bring back those he had killed or restore the minds he broke when he was still mastering his mesmerism abilities, but he could at least start doing better with his life and do his best not to hurt another person (within reason).

At this time, he changed his surname to Goodwin and went to the United States to settle there, moving from place to place (although he visited other places and went back to England from time to time). Over 300 years later, during the 1850s, he changed his first name to ‘Bill’ (becoming Bill Goodwin) and settled down in Roxbury, Boston, content to stay off blood for the rest of his immortal days and age into an elderly gentleman.

In the year of 1899, one of his neighbours gave birth to a baby boy. After the loss of her other children, this seemed to be a spot of hope for her. However, she had no love for this child. She even refused to give this son a name and was very abusive towards him as he grew older. Bill gave the boy a name and started to help raise him like he was own, growing attached to him like a son. Said boy grew up and a few months after he turned eighteen, was sent out to fight in the first world war. Bill killed and drained the kid’s mother soon after he left, planning to tell him she just died suddenly in her sleep if he came back. Despite Bill’s worries he wouldn’t survive, he was delighted to receive a letter telling him that he would be returning to America in the month of November of 1918.

His surrogate son wasn’t on the ship, much to his dismay. He was informed that he fell off on the way home and he wasn’t found. He suspected foul play and got the truth out of one his son’s friends. He had been caught kissing another man, beaten up and then thrown off the boat. He knew he couldn’t judge anyone for that (“I drink blood to sustain my own life and I’ve had a few different lovers over the years”), let alone the young lad. Hellbent on revenge, he set off to slaughter his surrogate son’s four murderers, even admitting that ‘even though it won’t bring him back, it makes me feel a hell of a lot better’. He drained them of their blood in the process, going from an old man back into his early-to-mid-thirties. He decided to stick to that age this time around.

He later found out his son survived and had washed up on London’s docks. He went there to find him, but much to his grief, he was told he had been killed in a violent brawl with a vampire the night before he arrived. However, he took said vampire down with him in a mutual kill. He wonders if his son possibly reincarnated and could be out there living a new life now.

He continued to travel around, learning new things and trying new stuff to keep himself busy. He still drank blood to sustain himself but he didn’t kill unless it was someone he felt ‘deserved it’. He also kept up with all the changes in technology. He even adapted his speech as needed, keeping up with slang and staying savvy with the times.

He eventually found his way to TFI and after some discussion, became an admin and a supplier for them. 

As of now, he’s currently settled in Coldfront as his ‘main’ base of sorts, but he goes elsewhere as needed. 

[tesbloodline]

Interview #1 - Meri

So as a character development exercise, I decided to randomly select ten questions from my Character Asks page and answer them interview-style. For this first one, they’re all about Meri, and there aren’t any modern!AU questions. I may expand this in the future. It got pretty long (Meri likes to talk, especially about her ducklings), so questions are under the break.

1. Would anyone be happy if you died? (#20)

Oh sure, plenty of people! Bandits, criminals, Brotherhood targets... oh, and I can’t forget Alduin! He’d be plenty happy to be rid of me. Maybe a few of my grumpier uncles, too. They’re pretty universally convinced that Mama’s wrath wouldn’t be worth it, though. At least, the ones who know who my Mama is.

2. In what way do you compare yourself to others? Do you do this for the sake of self-validation or self-criticism? (#45)

... I really don’t like talking about this, but... if I have to... I tend to compare myself to Mama, Grandmother, and the other daughters of Keth. The four generations of Keth women before me did amazing things, they were all legendary in their own right, and I’m not sure that I can live up to their legacy. I know I don’t think like a mortal, I know I have basically no morals to speak of, and I don’t really care about anyone outside of my family. A lot of that comes from Mama’s daedric nature, but the why doesn’t really matter, does it? A madwoman without morals can’t be a hero.

3. Would you prefer a daughter or a son? (#13)

Either! Both! All of the above! I have multiple sons and daughters, of all different races, and I love them all! I’ve got mannish children, merish children, and even an Argonian child (and Tarla’s scales are just the cutest)! I couldn’t ever pick a favorite, even just a favorite attribute.

4. Do you have a favorite summer activity? (#115)

SWIMMING! Oh, Mama and I used to go and swim in the waters around the Shivering Isles when it got warm... I love the feel of water on my skin. Mmm, now I wanna go swimming. I think I might be part fish or something. Probably not literally, though.

5. What did you dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true? (#27)

I dunno if it really counts as a dream, but I’ve always been beyond excited by the prospect of discovering my sphere and creating my own realm. I mean, most of that is in my blood - I am a Daedric Prince, even if I’m a very young one that’s still growing - but I’m really looking forward to it, you know? I’m pretty sure it has something to do with water, considering I could happily spend my entire life submerged, but other than that it’s still developing.

6. How did your children become part of the family? (#210)

Oh, well, that’s kinda complicated. Everything about my family is complicated, but especially my kids, since I have so many. Okay, let’s try chronological order? I’ll use their real names instead of their nicknames for this, just for clarity. First is Violet. She’s a vampire. I found her in a clan of vampires that worshiped Nunca Vic in Haemar’s Shame, and I had to kill the adults because they were trying to kill me, but I didn’t want to just leave her there so I brought her with me.

Then there’s Jens, he grew up in a bandit camp. I happened across the camp after everyone but him had been killed by a handful of draugr in Bleak Falls Barrow. Not too long after that, I met Lucia begging on the streets of Whiterun, and offered to take care of her. Sofie, my next kid, is a pretty similar story: I found her sleeping outside in Windhelm and took her in.

Next was Grimvar. He was actually my only kid that wasn’t an orphan - he just wanted to be an adventurer so badly he literally followed my traveling party out into the wilderness. I decided ‘with us’ was better for his health than ‘trailing behind us’ and took him in. We still go by Windhelm to see his other parents every couple months, but they’ve accepted he’s not going to stay and that I’m his primary parent now - I can look after him when they can’t.

Now here’s where things get kinda crazy. I was in Riften, doing a contract to kill the ironically-named Grelod the Kind, who ran the orphanage. Once the job was done, I was going to leave everything to Constance, the assistant. But after I killed Grelod, Constance just ran away screaming and didn’t even try to protect the kids, so I kind of got very angry and brought them all with me. This is where I got Tarla, Samuel, Hroar, Runa, and Francois. Right after that, like I’d planned the whole time, I went right back to Windhelm and picked up the kid who sent me on the job, Aventus.

Let’s see... after that was Valun. I was on a contract to kill Alain Dufont, and one of the members of his bandit camp was this young Altmer boy. I especially couldn’t leave him behind on his own, Skyrim would actively destroy him, child or not. Then came Gael, a little Bosmer girl who was stuck living in the wilderness on the very northernmost coast of Skyrim, right on the water’s edge, with this creepy old Nordic merchant. Believe me, she was glad to get out of there, adventuring party or not.

Jeez, I sure can talk when it comes to my kids. I’d say sorry, but I’m really not. I love ‘em all so much!

7. What is the worst thing you’ve ever done? (#32)

Hmm, that’s a pretty tough question. Give me a second to think about it, okay? I’m kind of really torn between getting everyone in the Forgotten City killed horribly twice, even if I did manage to save them all in the end, or terrifying Sparky so bad in the Shimmermist disaster. Not the disaster itself, just that it scared Sparky so much.

8. Do you have a large or small group of friends? (#162)

Oh, small, definitely. I mean... I didn’t have any actual friends back home - pretty much everyone literally worshiped me, which makes it kinda hard to have actual friendships. And look at my traveling party! Axes is sworn to my service, Mace owes me his life, Greatsword is super standoffish, and most of the others are my kids. I love my kids, but there’s a different relationship there.

The only one I’m really comfortable calling my friend in any real capacity is Sparky. He’s the only one who’s seen me at my worst and stayed, and he’s definitely not afraid to call me out when I’m being an idiot.

9. Do you believe in marriage? (#186)

That’s... complicated. I want to - in theory, it’s a wonderful idea. But every time I think about it practically, all I can remember is Mama’s face when she had to tell me why she doesn’t wear a wedding ring, why I didn’t have a Papa like all the other children. I remember my Mama crying when she thought I was sleeping, mourning her would-have-been husband who was murdered by his own brothers and sisters. I remember the pain in her eyes whenever she’s reminded of him, the way she reaches out for someone who isn’t there and starts to speak to empty air. It’s like it never really sinks in that he’s gone, and every time she’s confronted with that fact it’s a brand new stab in the heart. So while I sort of understand why some people would want to get married, I don’t think I would ever be willing to let myself get that vulnerable, and I want no part in anyone’s wedding. I’d honestly rather not even attend, or maybe even hear about it, but I wouldn’t begrudge someone else’s choice as long as they leave me out of it.

10. Do you have a temper? Are you patient? What are you like when you do lose your temper? (#224)

Oh, I have a horrid temper. I am mad, don’t you know? Well anyway, it takes a lot for me to actually get angry - most of the time I’m just pretty excited for whatever’s going on - but when I do... well, the first time I actually got angry on Nirn was the Shimmermist disaster, where Sparky almost died. In that case, I kind of went on a rampage and indiscriminately slaughtered every living thing in the cave besides Sparky, plus a Dwemer Centurion.

[ninjagoat]

Notes on Supergirl 3x14

[SPOILERS AHEAD]

I've been annoyed with the show for a while now. Season three came out of the gate with four solid eps, and then draaaagged for another seven; before finally putting things back in order: slamming a season's worth of Lena's 'development' into reverse so she can actually have her own worldview and agenda once again; giving the Legion a hidden agenda so they actually have some narrative juice; giving Alex and Kara a genuine ideological conflict for the first time since... I can't remember, and actually having a plan for the World-killers because of it; and, important to me especially, the re-emergence of Winn as a recognised problem-solver.

Which brings us to 3x14, a MASSIVE episode for Winn, and, in terms of scale, a massive episode in general: the two major action sequences are of a kind you'd expect from a season finale; they've landed a *recent* Academy Award Nominee for a guest star; there's a frank discussion of later-life mental illness, and an insight into J'onn's specific attitude toward his adopted race; and a hilarious sequence of our heroes just... hanging out.

In short, in just a few episodes (which, by sheer coincidence, would all have finished being scripted *after* AK was suspended and fired for being a mediocre sex-pest)... they fixed the show.

THEY FIXED THE DAMN SHOW.

Notes below the cut (it’s a long post this week):

- "People being addressed as soldiers going into battle before actually just trying something fun and silly" is one of my favourite tropes, and that look Winn and Kara exchange is one of the best indicators of their long-standing friendship we've seen in a long time (Winn is, of course, Kara's best friend. You many have heard her give statements to the contrary. THESE ARE LIES).

- The choice to have the characters, all played by actors who can sing, do 'karaoke voice' instead of their actual voices is a good one. Having Kara do Beastie Boys side-steps the whole 'we've heard her sing' problem; J'onn and Mr. J are both wonderfully appalling; and Alex letting the lyrics of her ballad run on as she stops to drink is, as the kids say, a Mood (I'll come back to Mon-El and Winn at the end).

- THERE ARE *STILL* NO ALIENS AT THE ALIEN BAR. WHAT HAPPENED TO KEVIN? OR BRIAN?

- James's constant need for validation crashing against Lena's particular brand of emotional - and literal - unavailability is a good choice; we've not really seen James's interest in Lena manifest outside of her needs until now, and it's the first time he's had a relatable problem since 1x06. And pairing him up with Mon-El for this scene - who's having his own issues right now - is nice.

- Speaking of which, Imra's telepathy: is this the show telling us she definitely *doesn't* have mind-control powers, or that Mon-El - currently not the most reliable expert on the Legion - doesn't *know* she has mind-control powers?

- "FELLOW DRUNKS!"

- I'll admit, James was my least favourite option for who could be Winn's emotional support in this episode, given his long history of being really quite bad at it; but in this first scene, he's actually pretty good, providing Winn with the avenues he needs to avoid the old-school masculinity coping methods he's trying to use instead.

- Winn making ABSOLUTELY SURE that his Winslow's dead, even before they tried to put him in the ground, is on point.

- Mary. MARY. The writers knew they had Tony-award-winning Steppenwolf alum Laurie Metcalf on board, and it SHOWS. She's nervous and tentative, but she's also forthright; she takes over the space when she feels she ought to (a lot of her funnier asides could have been put in Cat Grant's mouth with no problem), and physically, tangibly awkward when she doesn't; and Metcalf runs through the gear changes as only a pro of her stature can. In her first scene, she's anxious, yes, and she's having difficulty separating Winn from the little boy she left behind; but it's also clear that THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF HER LIFE, even if it isn't her son's. Mary is a catalyst for Winn's pain, but has a whole existence outside of it. That's good writing, that is.

- Speaking of Winn's pain... DEAR. LORD. That story goes toe-to-toe with any crappy parent story you've ever heard (and blows all of Lena's solipsistic crap out of the water); and Jeremy Jordan, having done so much with so little every week, completely sells that this is a story he's been waiting two decades to tell, and how being left alone with no-one to be *except* his father's son absolutely broke him.

- The Flying Monkeys sequence is the best action scene this show's ever done. Better than Reign. Better than Crossfire. And again, Mary and Winn: every time they're not focused on the time they've spent apart, it's almost like they were never apart at all.

- Winn calling out James for suggesting he forgive Mary is absolutely on point; and James admitting that he was a selfish, sulky little brat after his Dad died as an argument of how it could have been just as bad if she'd stayed is interesting (James is making it up to her now, though, by... never going home for a single holiday. Ever. Still, baby steps). His argument will also end up applying, subtextually, to his relationship with Lena; stop being ungrateful for the time she's not there for you, and just be happy for the time that she is. It's what she needs you to do. She's got her own stuff going on.

- "He doesn't always get the credit, but he keeps us going around here." Kara's gentle tribute to her friend (her BEST friend) and the adaptive, outside-the-box thinking that's been keeping everyone alive for years is wonderful; not just for what she says, but for how comfortable a rapport she has with Mary, while never forgetting that being told how great her son is by *Supergirl* is as good, if not better, than hearing it from the President herself (and if Mary needs that... it could be arranged).

- On a downer note, anytime a show starts talking about a side character as the "heart of the team" or somesuch... it's usually not a good sign for that character.

- I'm not ready to go into Mr. J's illness yet. I have a personal relationship to stories like this, and I can't write about it in this format. But Carl Lumbly is still ABSOLUTELY the best.

- And I'm not the person to get into J'onn's opinion on his own blackness; except to say, in a week when David Harewood met with British MPs to discuss the 'accidental' deportations of the Windrush migrants, this is a BIG DEAL.

- Since I'm doing asides into side plots: Mon-El and Kara. His apology - agenda-free this time - is honest and heart-felt, and his full disclosure about *why* he's apologising now raises interesting questions: at what point is this honesty defined as over-sharing? Where is the line drawn between being 'open about your feelings' and 'demanding emotional labour from others'? Kara has a firm boundary - they are *not* going to talk about his marriage - and he respects that. But should he have told her about it in the first place, even if it does lead in to the new information about the World-killers? I've said before: Supergirl is the only show with a significant male audience that, whether you believe it should or not, actually tackles questions of what healthy masculinity *should* be (albeit with varying degrees of success), and it's good that they're keeping it up.

- Mary's story is not only an important reminder that the men who commit mass-murder often begin by terrorising the women in their own homes; but also, in the context of Childish Things, addresses Winn's misunderstanding of his own fears. Winn has always believed that his father was a good person, until one day, when he just wasn't; and Winn believed that any time he didn't keep a lid on his own anger, any time that he might use that part of himself to stand up and say 'no' against those that would hurt him, the same would happen to him. But Winslow Sr. wasn't a good person. It took a long time for his anger to consume him, a long time for his battles against perceived slights to affect anyone except Mary. Winn has little to worry about.

- And her decision to take the gun and take on Toywoman(?) alone is immediate, consistent, and believable. She's been without her son for twenty years to protect his life. He will NOT be taken from her now.

- Delightful stunt-casting for Toywoman, by the way (If you haven't watched The Silence Of The Lambs recently... go do that).

- The second action sequence: not as good as the flying monkeys, but still has some banging moments, as the 'heroes' drop out to handle various contraptions to leave Winn to rescue Mary.

- Speaking of contraptions: "Cloth Magic." Comics Mon-El fans, that's got to feel good.

- How many times did Mary have to sit through New Hope when Winn was a kid? I'm guessing 'more than ten'.

- Winn being offended at the idea that he's going to be killed with something as pedestrian as a *firearm* is the absolute business, and annoying because it's a beat I'd already gotten it noted down for my own fic series.

- "You haven't just survived, you have EXCELLED."

- Mon-El *butchering* a song now synonymous with a TV show that *LIVES* in the kind of masculinity he's been used to deconstruct (again, with varying degrees of success) is a solid piece of work. As is his apology.

- Okay, this episode isn't exactly what we all wanted for Winn. No-one has hugged him. No-one has told him they love him. Kara has not re-iterated that he is, in fact, her best friend (because he is). He's not designing the Valor suit. We didn't get to hear him sing. And his twenty-year-long trauma of being alone in the world is resolved a lot more speedily that it really ought to be. But that doesn't matter. Those are indulgences, and that's pretty much what fan-fiction and the Miscast performance videos are for.

    What this episode *does* do is reiterate the show's mission statement once again: We, as a people, are at our best when we depend on each other. Forgiving when we can. Understanding when we can't. And more than anything else, simply being there for each other. Whether it's supporting each other through a personal crisis, or through the decline of a loved one; teaching each other new skills, or helping to mend a beloved outfit; or even, sometimes, just having the courage or shamelessness to perform karaoke with your mum; the same truth remains:

    WE ARE STRONGER TOGETHER.

- Which is why it's perfect that the show end on Lena. Alone. Keeping the truth from the people she's closest to. She hasn't told James. She won't tell Kara. She's just there, trapped inside the box in which she's imprisoned her oldest friend, with no-one else there to help or to guide her. For all her claims that Kara Danvers is her hero... ultimately, the only person she will ever truly depend on is herself.

   And it's all going to go horribly, horribly wrong.

-LyraWatch: I'm bringing it to a close. It's now been eighteen episodes, and nary a mention of if they're still together or where she's gone. It's so very unlikely that she'll be brought up again.

-LenaWatch: 14 episodes (record high: 16). Most likely at this point, Winn and Lena will have a scene at some point after it's been revealed she's been working on Sam (and has probably made things worse); and Winn will, for the third time, have to help bail her out of the war-zone-like situation she'll have created through her own hubris.

[wendynerdwrites]

"[W]ho is more stupid then Sansa Stark? I read book...one and only cruel in here is Sansa who lied, traitor, and defeat her whole family.”

Find it funny that the same people who go on about how stupid and awful Sansa was for going to Cersei about Ned planning to leave King’s Landing and thus “destroying her family” (because apparently this one mistake was the only mistake ever made by the Starks and is what caused everything bad that ever happened to them. This apparently caused Robb to jilt the Freys, Edmure to drop the ball at Stone Mill, Theon to sack Winterfell, freed Jaime Lannister,  made Ned tell Cersei he knew about her children, killed Ned’s guards, killed Jon Arryn, convinced Joffrey to execute Ned instead of sending him to the Wall, made Balon Greyjoy decide to go to war, pushed Bran out the tower window, “destroyed the Stark armies”, killed all those Starks that are still alive... )

Are the same who never bring up that Daenerys took a woman whose home and people were destroyed by her husband, who was gangraped by her husband’s men, and thought “Yes, I must insist that she give my husband first aid.” Who needed the fact of “Your Khal and his men raped me a dozen times and killed everyone and everything I ever loved. NO SHIT I POISONED HIM AND CURSED YOU” SPELLED OUT FOR HER AFTER THE FACT. A decision which totally DOES NOT defy all logical sense, despite Daenerys having FAR more information available to her than Sansa ever had. A decision that TOTALLY DOES NOT involve her actively ignoring the atrocities surrounding her done IN HER NAME and getting her husband and child killed as a result. Nope, nothing stupid, self-destructive, or insensitive about THAT.

Are the same people who never bring up that Jon, without ANY EXPLANATION OF MITIGATING CIRCUMSTANCES OR PROPER CONSULTATION announced to his brothers that he was abandoning a mission Beyond the Wall and break his vows and expected them to follow him. EVEN THOUGH HE KNEW that tons of his brothers already considered him a traitor, a wildling-lover, and a political opportunist.

Who don’t bring up that Robb’s entire strategy towards taking down the Lannisters involved keeping them boxed in so Tywin couldn’t ride for King’s Landing and required Edmure to STAY IN POSITION and not, say, RUN OFF TO COUNTER AN ATTACK ELSEWHERE. Yet NEVER EVEN BOTHERED TELLING EDMURE THAT so he didn’t accidentally let Tywin through by running off to the Mill to protect some people in the Riverlands which is kind of LITERALLY HIS JOB. Or bring up that Robb was told repeatedly NOT to let Theon go to Pyke and did it anyways. Decisions that directly resulted in A) Tywin making it to Blackwater and securing the Tyrell alliance, leaving the Northern armies adrift in the Westerlands with NO RECOURSE and NO STRATEGY LEFT and b) Winterfell being sacked and Bran and Rickon being driven from their homes.

Who don’t bring up that Doran Martell decided to gaslight and evade his daughter for fucking DECADES, secretly plotting to marry her to a Targaryen Prince (because marrying a Targaryen WORKS OUT SO WELL FOR MARTELL WOMEN) without even telling her and instead pretended to consider marrying her off to WALDER FREY and was shocked, SHOCKED! When Arianne ended up deciding she was fucking DONE and plotting something that ended with Myrcella Lannister being maimed and his entire con with the Lannisters nearly being exposed, thus endangering his entire family. AGAIN. And SOMEHOW STILL THINKS PLAYING POLITICAL GRAB-ASS WITH PSEUDO-TARGARYENS IS A GOOD IDEA.

Who don’t bring up how Ned Stark decided that KEEPING HIS DAUGHTERS IN A CITY CONTROLLED BY THE LANNISTERS AFTER CERSEI ORDERED JAIME AND SANDOR TO HUNT DOWN ARYA, letting them wander the city and castle grounds without proper guards or supervision, and leaving Sansa, WHO HE BETROTHED TO A KID HE KNOWS TO BE A MONSTER AND STILL DOESN’T BOTHER EVEN SPEAKING WITH HER ABOUT in the care of a woman who passes out drunk at public events and literally NO ONE ELSE was a thing. But that wasn’t stupid or negligent or ultimately destructive to his family AT ALL!

Who don’t bring up that Tyrion enacted a plan at Blackwater that involved basically burning down a third of the city and didn’t bother putting any contingencies in place to protect the citizens who lived in said third of the city, then was baffled when people hated him and didn’t talk about how great he was for Blackwater. RIGHT TYRION, THE ONLY REASON THE NOW-HOMELESS BEGGAR WOMAN HATES YOU IS BECAUSE YOU’RE A DWARF. THAT IS LITERALLY THE ONLY REASON WHATSOEVER (an yes, I know it’s A reason. I know prejudice exists and Tyrion’s constantly dealing with that, but writing it off as the only reason would be like me saying that the reason I ever get criticized is because I’m a woman/Jewish.). 

Or how Tywin, upon being presented with the PERFECT OPPORTUNITY to destroy the Starks’ political clout by merely pressing his suit against Catelyn Stark’s illegal abduction of Tyrion, CHOSE TO UNLEASH THE MOUNTAIN ON THE RIVERLANDS, MAKING HIM LIABLE FOR CRIMES AGAINST THE REALM. A supposed political mastermind, with all information available to him, with GRANDCHILDREN POISED TO INHERIT THE IRON THRONE, with extensive experience in intrigue and law, had the perfect opportunity to sue THE FUCK out of the Starks and completely disenfranchise them politically on COMPLETELY LEGAL GROUNDS at the cost of no more than a ride to King’s Landing and some parchment and ink, instead chose to commit war crimes that accomplished nothing except to a) make everyone in Westeros ready to skewer the Lannisters b) give Ned Stark the perfect opportunity to haul his ass up on charges of mass murder and treason and c) Draw attention to your family’s more illicit actions on a national scale.  Or how he disinherited both of his sons and chose to antagonize the son who has proven disturbingly competent to the point of patricide. Or how he wanted his son to endanger the “Key to the North’s” health, reproductive and otherwise by raping/impregnating her at thirteen, thus nearly guaranteeing that their Winterfell meal ticket (and any child she would almost certainly prematurely deliver) would go up in smoke immediately with the deaths of their Stark prizes instead of say, WAITING A COUPLE YEARS WHICH EVEN THE MAESTERS OF THE CITADEL INSIST MUST HAPPEN IN ORDER TO PROCURE VIABLE HEIRS. WHICH WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE SANSA MARRIAGE IN THE FIRST PLACE. TYWIN IS A POLITICAL GENIUS WHO TOTALLY BOLSTERED HIS FAMILY!

Or how Littlefinger has literally delivered Robert Arryn RIGHT into the hands of his political rivals without any army or viable property of his own, and in fact ALSO leaves his other major prize (Sansa) alone with the very rivals he himself admits are pretty savvy, for long stretches. Not at all stupid.

And of course, none of the decisions mentioned here might be why the Starks got so thoroughly fucked in the ear. No, it was STUPID, EVIL, ELEVEN YEAR OLD SANSA’S ONE MISTAKE IN GIVING CERSEI INFO WHICH SHE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE GOTTEN FROM HER SPIES FIVE MINUTES LATER THAT IS WHAT “DESTROYED THE STARKS” (Even though five out of the eight of them are still around, barring Benjen’s ambiguous mortal state) and that was it. That’s what caused it all. Because that decision is literally what caused everything bad that happened to the Starks before and after she actually did the thing. Nobody else made any stupid, self-destructive, devastating errors of judgment that contributed to anything bad to themselves and/or House Stark. She’s the only one who made a mistake and it is THE DECIDING MISTAKE THAT WAS BOTH SIMULTANEOUSLY STUPID BUT SOMEHOW ALSO DELIBERATELY CRUEL AND TREASONOUS TO HER FAMILY AND CAUSED ALL OF THEIR PROBLEMS. That she made chiefly because SHE IS TOTALLY THE BIGGEST IDIOT YOU GUYS, in contrast to characters who made destructive choices despite having far more information, means, and experience to make better choices but didn’t. Because it’s an eleven-year-old, gaslighted, traumatized child who is most accountable for everything, ever. Everyone else’s decisions were somehow smarter and more honorable because... They knew better? Or, at the very least, had every possible means to know better and blatantly ignored basic logic? And that makes them smarter than the stupid eleven year old? 

Tywin Lannister: political mastermind.... who turned a golden political opportunity into a treason charge and mortal danger. 

Ned Stark: Too honorable and good... Who left his daughters unsupervised, uninformed, and unguarded in a dangerous court/city run by the very people who he a) is investigating for murder and treason and b) ALREADY TRIED TO HUNT DOWN AND MAIM ONE OF KIDS and c) (as he discovers about halfway through) ATTEMPTED TO MURDER AND SUCCEEDED IN CRIPPLING ANOTHER OF HIS KIDS. 

Daenerys Targaryen: Awesome badass liberator... who saw a woman whose life was destroyed and met mid-gangrape by her husband’s people and thought, “This woman should totally be trusted to put poultices on my husband’s wound. After all, I did stop those guys after the thirteenth rape. WHAT COULD GO WRONG?!”

Jon Snow: Perfect, brave, hero classic... Who practically shunned the company of his brothers once he took command, KNEW that many of them already thought he deserved an execution, and decided to announce his blatantly oath-breaking new mission without any sort of preamble or explanation.

Robb Stark: Tactical Genius and hero.... Doesn’t bother communicating his strategy to his own commanders.

Tyrion Lannister: SUPER GENIUS WONDERFUL HUMAN! ... Who can’t understand that people whose houses he burned down might have some valid complaints.

WHO IS MORE STUPID THAN SANSA STARK SHE DEFEAT HER WHOLE FAMILY.

“Otto West: Apes don't read philosophy.

Wanda: Yes they do, Otto. They just don't understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement.”

--- A Fish Called Wanda, 1988, directors Charlie Chrichton and John Cleese

[keldae]

The Orgus Maneuver

Featuring @d6790‘s Corellian Jedi brainspawn Jakar, and beta’d by the lovely @andveryginger!

Orgus Din had been a great Jedi Master. While he’d lived, he’d been a venerable, respected veteran of the Jedi Order; a voice of reason (and the odd verbal smack upside the head) on the High Council; and one of the best teachers Xaja had ever had. He’d been something of a surrogate father to the feisty young Padawan he’d taken on, and she had mourned when he’d been killed over Alderaan, even if his work hadn’t been finished yet -- it had both startled her and given her joy to see his spirit again while he shielded her mind in her captivity on Vitiate’s station.

But not even Master Orgus was a perfect master. And Xaja still helda sizeable grudge against him for the one bad idea he’d had…

“There’s almost a dozen of them.” Xaja frowned as she squirmed to the side of the boulder outcropping, letting Master Orgus crouch beside her. “We’ll never get by them without being seen.”

“Then it’s a fight.” Orgus’s eyes narrowed as he studied the pack of Flesh Raiders between the two Jedi and their escape route back to the safety of the Temple. “Blast it.” He glanced over at his young student and gave her a scowl. “This is entirely your fault, kid.”

“In my defense, using a fallen tree as a bridge over the ravine was a good idea.”

“Until you picked a tree that was half rotten and noisily falling apart, yes.”

“Is this supposed to be a metaphor for something deep and introspective, Master?”

“Brat.” Orgus lightly swatted his Padawan upside the head and earned a scowl for his trouble, then looked back at the Flesh Raiders. “There’s no way to set up a trap to take them down.”

“And I don’t know about you, but Force Stealth isn’t my forte.” Xaja scowled at the aliens. “So, Master, what’s your next idea?”

“I could throw you at them.”

“Was that a short joke?”

“Would I make a short joke like that?”

“Yes, you would.” Xaja paused and gave Orgus a sidelong look. “Why am I suddenly very, very afraid?”

“You know what? Throwing you at them might actually work.” Orgus raised a hand as Xaja opened her mouth to give him an indignant retort. “You’re small enough that you’re easy to throw, and it would take the Flesh Raiders off guard…”

“Master! Throwing me at them is not a valid strategy!”

“Do you have any better ideas?”

“Can’t we throw Tee-Seven at them instead?” Xaja tried to ignore the astromech’s angry beeping from behind them at that suggestion.

“Tee-Seven probably outweighs you, Padawan. And he’s got too many fragile components that would break.”

“And I don’t?!”

“Oh, you’re young, you’ll bounce back.” Orgus grinned. “Unless you’ve got a better option…?”

“... No.” Xaja scowled darkly at her master, then at the Flesh Raiders. “I’m gonna ask Master Shan to adopt me as a Padawan instead when we get back to the Temple.”

Orgus chuckled. “Good luck with that, kid. Try not to land on your head.”

“Oh, that’s not nerve-wracking at ALLLLLLL!!” Xaja shrieked as she was suddenly picked up with a wave of the Force and thrown (hard) at the Flesh Raiders. She just barely had enough wits about her to activate her blades and take note of the looks of perplexed fear in the aliens’ eyes before she landed hard on one’s chest and had to spin into the Ataru form to take down more. She hated to admit it, but her master was right about the maneuver taking the Flesh Raiders off guard, and the added momentum from the throw did seem to help. And it could have been worse: she’d only lost her pride and her dignity, and gained new bruises and scrapes. She couldn’t hear the sound of a lightsaber anywhere near her though-- why wouldn’t Orgus have been right behind her?

She took down the last Flesh Raider and turned to glare as the wise, venerable Jedi Master Orgus Din doubled over laughing, literally holding onto Tee-Seven to not fall over entirely. “Thanks so much for the help, Master,” she grouchily called over as she returned her blades to her back. “Really appreciated the support.”

“That… I’m sorry, Padawan. That was the funniest thing I’ve seen since before the Sacking.” Orgus finally stood upright, wiping a tear from his eye. The smug bastard of a Jedi was still grinning. “I’m calling this the Orgus Maneuver now.”

“And I’m calling it proof that you’re secretly on the Dark Side.” Xaja scowled and resumed marching in the general direction of the Jedi Temple. “I’m pretty sure there’s something in the Jedi Code about using one’s Padawans as projectile weapons, Master!”

“Oh, quite possibly. Are you actually going to sit down long enough to read all the fine point details on it?”

“I’ll just... ask Master Shan. She’ll know!”

Unfortunately, not only did Master Shan not know of any reference in the rules of the Jedi concerning the uses of Padawans as weapons, but she didn’t believe Xaja’s insistence that she’d just been used as a projectile, even with Orgus grinning as he walked by.

Needless to say, Xaja did not get adopted by the Grand Master as a Padawan.

“There’s too many. Even with my stealth generator, I can’t get past that.” Kira crouched behind a barricade and frowned at the gang members who’d reportedly kidnapped Doctor Tarnus. They’d picked the location for this standoff well; the hangar was difficult to sneak into with the bottlenecking of traffic right into the line of fire, currently being held by a large group of the thugs.

“I can cause a distraction. It might work for you to slip by.” Xaja craned her neck around to survey the area. “What do you think-- run in lightsabers blazing like a proper Jedi, or run in screaming like a madwoman and try to scare them?”

Kira snickered. “Oh, I’d pay good credits to see that.”

//Both = good options. T7 = thinks Master Xaja should do both.//

“What, run in screaming and waving lightsabers around? That really won’t do much for the Jedi’s reputation here, Tee-Seven…”

//Jedi = use Orgus Maneuver?//

“That is not a valid option!” Xaja hissed at the astromech.

“The Orgus Maneuver?” Kira gave Tee-Seven a puzzled look. “What exactly is--”

“Nothing!” Xaja quickly said. “Absolutely nothing beyond a myth that--”

//Orgus Maneuver = Master Orgus’ favourite strategy = Force-throwing Master Xaja at enemies.//

“This is a real thing?!” Kira turned to stare at Xaja. “Master Kiwiiks and I thought he was joking when he told us about it!”

“That bastard,” Xaja growled, her glare only deepening when Kira burst into snickers. She twisted around to glare at her droid. “Traitor.” Tee-Seven just beeped gleefully.

“Well, for lack of any better ideas…” Kira gave Xaja what could be best described as an evil grin. “Get thrown in, lightsabers blazing and screaming like a madwoman?”

“For kriff’s sake, Carsen…”

“I take that as a ‘yes.’”

“That was not--!” And a second later, Xaja shrieked as she flew through the air, directly at the mob. She swore afterward that the terror she saw in their eyes as she’d descended upon them had been from the glow of two blue lightsabers and not from a screaming Jedi flying at them.

Kira insisted otherwise around her cackles at the memory, despite the murderous glares she always got.

“Son of a bitch!” Xaja wiped a thin stream of blood from her forehead as she cut her way through the swarm of Imperial soldiers attacking their little group. “We get Kilran, we’re handing him his own ass.”

“If we can reach him. Kriffer keeps slipping away too damn fast.” The Barsen’thor, Jakar Forseti, spun his saber-staff in his hands, his scowl distorting the scars on his face. “You got a visual on him?”

“No.” Xaja’s glare darkened as she spun between two more guards, her twin blades taking out both soldiers before they could cause her harm. “Have any more ideas to take that asshole down and get our mysterious Jedi prisoner out of here?”

//Orgus Maneuver?//

“That is still not a valid strategy, Tee-Seven!” Xaja spared a moment to give her astromech a glare, then looked at Jakar as he blinked. “Don’t ask.”

“The Orgus Maneuver? Is that the one where you get thrown at someone--?”

“No!”

//Affirmative!//

“Oh, shut up.” Xaja looked back at Jakar. “How the hell…?”

“Master Orgus laughed about it in a Council meeting that Master Yuon told Qyzen and I about later.” Jakar grinned. “It’s actually a real thing? Did he actually throw you at a mob of Flesh Raiders?” The venerable Barsen’thor burst out laughing when Xaja’s only answer was a wordless scowl. “Force, Master Yuon thought Master Orgus was joking! I mean, you’re short enough that it’s plausible…”

“Jerk.” Xaja glared at the taller Jedi Shadow, then up at his chuckling Trandoshan friend -- at least, she assumed that was a chuckle coming from the large alien. “Master Orgus has been dead for almost a year and I’m still bitter about that entire stupid idea of his.”

“Well, clearly it’s not a stupid idea if it worked.” Jakar nodded in that annoying wisely-Jedi way of his, then suddenly blinked. “He’s out of stealth! I see him!”

“Where?” Xaja whirled, seeking any glimpse of Kilran’s stupid scarred face with that perpetually smug expression. It was unfortunate that Jakar had over a standard foot of height on the tiny sentinel and could see better over the railings and obstacles in the way.

“He’s right over -- actually, new idea, and you’re not gonna like this.”

Xaja saw the evil grin on Jakar’s face, had just enough time to yell “For kriff’s sake, you asshole-!” and then scream a long list of expletives as the Corellian Jedi picked her up with the Force and threw her at Grand Moff Kilran. It was almost worth it to see the perplexed terror in the Butcher of Coruscant’s eyes when he registered the midget Jedi flying at him, lightsabers blazing and fury in her eyes. He didn’t have enough wits about him to put up any defenses before she landed hard on him, one lightsaber taking him through the chest as she rolled with the excess momentum.

It didn’t stop her from raising one solitary finger at Jakar as he approached to help her back up, all but literally dying of laughter. “I hate you,” she growled up at her one-time best friend.

“That was worth it.” Jakar hauled Xaja back up to her feet and continued strolling down the corridor to the stasis chamber holding the Jedi prisoner, still laughing. “Come along, or do I have to do all the work in this rescue?”

Xaja snarled something decidedly uncomplimentary about Corellian asshole Jedi as she followed him, planning her revenge in the form of paint-bomb-rigging his entire ship later.

Belsavis couldn’t make up its mind as to whether it was pleasantly warm and tropical, or if it was frozen and miserable. Right now, partway up one of the mountains, it was just a bit too warm for the robe Xaja was wearing, but too cool for her to discard it. And there was a pack of rioting serial killer prisoners blocking her path to her destination. And Scourge beside her had done virtually nothing but grumble the entire time. “You know, if you want to wait on the Serenity, I’m sure Tee-Seven will be able to work with me just fine…”

“No. You need assistance in disrupting the Emperor’s plans. And your astromech does not have the knowledge or skill to do so.”

“Don’t disparage my droid,” Xaja growled. She glared down at the prisoners below them. “So, Oh Mighty Former Wrath, how does your specific skillset work into taking those assholes down so we can keep stopping the apocalypse?”

Scourge was quiet for a moment. “Your droid mentioned something called the Orgus Maneuver --”

“I’m going to wipe his memory,” the Jedi muttered. “Would you believe me if I said that was all a load of bantha shit?”

“Tee-Seven’s programming does not permit him to knowingly give misinformation. Besides, you’re blushing.”

“Am not.” Xaja scowled at Scourge’s raised brow-ridge. “It’s the cold.”

“Of course.” Scourge looked back down at the rioters. “Do you have any better ideas?”

Xaja groaned and dropped her forehead into her hands. “No… GIVE ME SOME DAMN WARNING!” she screamed back at Scourge as she was abruptly thrown at the prisoners, sabers flashing in the cold air as she reacted on instinct to take down the large group of thugs. Fortunately, while they were armed, none of them had been mentally prepared for a flying Jedi coming right at them from on-high.

The short redhead came back up to her feet as the last rioter fell and turned to glare as Scourge meandered up beside her. “Get that smirk off your face, you giant red asshole,” she growled as she stormed up the path. “It’s still not a valid strategy.”

“Of course not, Master Taerich.” The bastard had no right to be so patronizing-sounding. And he was still smirking at the next Republic checkpoint two kilometres later.

The Revanites had not been expecting company. Xaja whirled behind a boulder with Sorand as the siblings tried to avoid getting shot. “On the list of bad ideas we’re never doing again…”

“Listening to any of Korin’s plans, yes.” Sorand poked his head around the boulder, then quickly jerked it back as blaster fire peppered the air where he’d been visible. “So, Master Jedi, any new ideas to get inside and get that intel on Theron without dying?”

“I was kinda hoping you had something, Your Darthliness.” Ignoring Sorand’s glare, Xaja frowned up at the palm tree branches waving overhead. “Aren’t those former Imperials back there who might shut up and smarten up at Darth-kriffing-Imperius?”

“I hope Dad and Korin are having as much of a hard time on the Republic side.” Sorand irritably Force-threw a boulder back at the pursuing Revanite patrol. “I think we’ve got two options here. Number one, we double back and try to lose them.”

“That’s going to take forever. And we don’t exactly have an excess amount of time in which to find Theron.” Xaja frowned, trying to mask her worry for the missing spy. “What’s option two?”

Sorand looked over, and Xaja saw a grin on his face. “So, I gotta know: is the Orgus Maneuver actually a real thing? Because Tee-Seven and Lord Scourge both swear it’s --”

“They’re full of shit,” Xaja quickly answered, already feeling her face drain pale.

“Liar.” Sorand’s grin widened. “So, what were you saying about doubling-back taking too long?”

“You know, patience is a virtue --”

“And just think about what the Revanites are doing to Theron. I imagine they’re torturing him for information, and there’s enough defector Sith here that --”

“Okay! Fine!” Xaja gave her brother what could be best described as a murderous glare. “You tell anyone about this and I’ll… I’ll ask Dad for embarrassing baby stories about you and put them on the HoloNet.”

“You’re no fun.” Sorand scowled, but nodded his agreement. “Fine, I won’t tell anyone. And there probably won’t be any Revanite witnesses left alive.”

“That’s something,” Xaja grudgingly muttered as she grabbed her lightsaber hilts. “Let’s get this over with.”

“You’ve really got a thing for that spy if you’re doing the Orgus Maneuver for his well-being.”

Xaja whirled to give Sorand another glare at his smirk. “Listen, you, the Jedi Code states that- YOU ASSHOLE!!” She went flying at the Revanites before she could finish correcting Sorand in the error of his thinking (and try to deny, to herself and him, that she had any sort of feelings for Theron bloody Shan), much to the bewildered horror of the approaching patrol. Perhaps fortunately for the Revanites, they didn’t have too long to dwell on their shock.

The Jedi-turned-human-projectile was less fortunate. She whirled out of the last Ataru form as the final former-Imperial soldier dropped and felt her scowl deepen when she heard howls of laughter. “It was not that funny, Sora--” she started to snap as she turned around, and promptly groaned. Sorand was in fact doubled over and laughing into his fist, but Korin was literally on the jungle floor, laughing so hard he was wheezing. At least their father didn’t seem to be taking great amounts of amusement from this entire embarrassing fiasco: Reanden was staring in mute shock, eyes wide and jaw dropped. Xaja hid her face in her palm as she stormed back over to her family. “We never speak of this again… Asshole,” she grouchily added at Sorand.

Sorand finally straightened up and wiped a tear of laughter from his cheek. “Totally worth it.” He glanced over at Reanden, who still hadn’t moved. “Did we break Dad…?”

“I don’t blame him! You nearly broke me with that throw!” Xaja snapped.

“Oh, come on, you were fine. You landed right on one of them!”

“And armour hurts to land on like that!”

“Are all the Jedi such wimps as you?”

And that was when Xaja shoved Sorand (with perhaps a bit more force than was strictly necessary) into the jungle creek.

Nobody was quite sure just how the Revanites had found the coalition’s base camp, or how they’d managed to sneak up on the supposedly-fortified position. Xaja suspected that someone might have managed to dodge being identified on the list of traitors Theron had found. But now wasn’t the time to determine how they’d been compromised, not while she was duelling two ‘sabre wielding duellists. One staggered as he got a size-six boot to the midsection, and Xaja could turn her attention to the other. She dodged, bending far backward to avoid a bright yellow blade slicing through where her neck had been, and cut the Revanite’s legs out from under him.

She whirled to face her other opponent as the first fell and did not move again. The other man seemed to have recovered from the kick he’d gotten, and raised his lightsaber overhead as he prepared to charge at the Jedi -- then suddenly fell as blaster fire rang out nearby. When Xaja glanced over, she saw Theron lowering one of his pistols and looking back at her. “You all right?”

“Yeah.” Xaja hurried back over to the spy behind his cover of a camp table; a moment later, Sorand joined them, his mask pulled over his face to obscure his identity to everyone who hadn’t been on Rishi. “How many of these kriffers are there?”

“Revan sent a decent-sized group,” Sorand grunted. Irritation rolled off him through the Force, although Xaja suspected most of it might stem from how stifling his ancient mask was. Yavin’s humidity wasn’t helping anyone. “I think we’ve gotten the worst of it. Marr was taking out a group near the speeder platforms, and the Grand Master’s running triage on our wounded.”

Theron nodded. “I’m trying to pick up their comm chatter, but they’ve got decent scramblers. It’s hard to get a bead on--” He suddenly tensed, battle-ready. “There’s another group coming. A solid half-dozen.” He gestured with his head; Xaja and Sorand both turned to see the stealthily approaching Revanites.

Xaja scowled. “Lovely. Sorand, you got that?”

“You know they’re right beside our power converters, right? Force Lightning and power converters are a bad combination. Theron, what’s your charge on the blasters?”

“One’s depleted, the other’s half out.” Theron shrugged when Sorand turned his masked face back to him. “I had to hot-wire a comms interception rig. It took an entire charge pack!”

“But did it work?” Sorand asked, tilting his head.

“Yes… Until it blew up.”

Xaja facepalmed, then gave Sorand a look as he suddenly turned his head toward her. She could feel a worrisome sense of excited glee from him. “Oh, hell no,” she growled at the Sith.

“I don’t hear you coming up with any better ideas.”

“I hate you,” Xaja snapped, ignoring Theron’s perplexed look.

“I know.” Sorand sounded like he was trying to not laugh. “Orgus Maneuver in three…”

“Wait, that can’t actually be a real thing,” Theron quickly interjected, eyes widening. Xaja promptly decided she needed to find out how the hell the SIS knew of Master Orgus’ worst idea.

“Two... one!” Sorand laughed as he threw Xaja at the pack of Revanites. The Jedi activated one lightsaber as she flew through the air, and had just long enough to raise her free hand back at the Sith and make a particularly rude gesture before she was in combat with the shocked Revanites. At least Theron wasn’t laughing, the Jedi reasoned to herself when she finally finished the fight and turned back to see the spy staring mutely, hand over his mouth in bewilderment and-- oh, that wasn’t amusement she felt from him, was it…?

She turned back and promptly swore when she saw Darth Marr standing a few paces away. His mask hid even more than Sorand’s, but she suspected that she’d achieved the impossible and stricken the leader of the Dark Council to stunned silence. She just caught a glimpse of blonde hair and a dark cloak and frowned as Lana disappeared behind a tree, presumably to try to regain her composure, although the Jedi could still hear poorly-stifled laughter. The redhead scowled and looked back at Marr. “I suppose there’s no way to convince you that you just hallucinated all of that?”

“No, Master Taerich, there is not,” Marr finally answered. “You might have better luck convincing your Grand Master of that.”

Xaja swore again as she whirled around to see Master Satele, looking perhaps more shocked than she’d ever seen the older Jedi before, even more so than when she’d marched into the Jedi Council chambers after being MIA for months with none other than the Emperor’s Wrath in tow. “This was all Master Orgus’ fault,” she growled.

“It actually… The Orgus Maneuver…” Master Satele’s eyes bulged even further in her white face. “I thought he was joking!”

“I told you he used me as a human projectile! And that’s why I asked if you could adopt me!” Xaja glared at her mentor.

Satele dropped her face into her hands and groaned, for a brief moment forfeiting her Jedi stoicism. “I’m adding an amendment to the Code about using Padawans as ranged weapons,” she muttered.

Xaja had fought legends of the Sith before, up to and including Vitiate. She’d sparred against some of the most skillful masters of the Force and of the blades on the Jedi Temple training grounds. This did not mean that she was immune to getting her ass kicked by a three-hundred-year-old maniac.

The petite redhead swore as she was thrown hard by a wave of the Force and landed on the other side of the temple courtyard from Revan as he leaped at Korin; the spacer just managed to roll away in time to not get impaled by red or purple blades. Xaja groaned as she got back up to her knees, then ducked as Darth Marr crashed on the cobblestones just to her left. The Sith grunted as he regained his footing. “He is strong with the Force,” he snarled; Xaja could practically feel his glare, directed at Revan though it was.

“Why must psychopaths always be unreasonably strong?” Xaja complained in agreement. She reached out a hand; the lightsaber that she’d dropped when she fell back flew back to her grasp. “If he was this strong before getting locked up, no wonder Vitiate feared him.”

“Vitiate cannot feel fear,” Marr growled. He scowled in Revan’s direction as the lunatic somehow caught the burst of Force Lightning that Sorand had shot at at him and pushed it back, hard enough to knock the younger Sith’s hood off and mask away. Marr seemed to start for a moment when he saw Sorand’s face, then looked at Xaja contemplatively… then back at Revan, then at Xaja again. “The Orgus Maneuver will work on a single enemy and not a group of foes…”

Xaja groaned. “Oh, come on!”

“I didn’t take the Jedi to be cowards,” Marr retorted. The bastard knew exactly what to say to get under Xaja’s skin.

The Jedi scowled at Marr, then sighed and braced herself. “Fine, let’s get this over with,” she muttered-- a second later, she was in the air and flying. Marr had a remarkably good throwing ability.

It was totally worth it to see Revan wheel around from where he’d been choking Shae Vizla with the Force and watch his eyes widen in horror before the redhead landed on him, his weapons falling from his hands as a hundred pounds of grumpy thrown Jedi hit him square in the chest.

Five and a half years later…

“Useful ideas only, please.” Xaja frowned as she paced around the war room’s holotable, eyeing the image of the Star Fortress facility on Alderaan. This one seemed to be particularly well-defended with a battalion of Knights stationed within at all times. “There’s no guarantee that we’ll be able to bomb it from a ship without the fortress itself shooting at us. Sorry, Koth -- it was a good idea, but not feasible.”

“Damn.” Koth frowned and tilted his chair back as he studied the holo. “Can we sneak in and plant explosives all over the place?”

“There’s too great a risk of the facility’s destruction preventing us from getting in to find the controls for the protective field around the fortress,” Theron said as he frowned at his datapad and took a sip of the caf he held in his other hand. Being a caffeine-addicted workaholic had taught him how to multitask well. “We need to be able to get inside.”

“Without being killed by the Knights or Skytroopers,” Reanden added. “Or those kriffing turrets outside the bunker.”

Everyone winced at a mention of the turrets. “Let's never talk about those again,” Korin mumbled. He was still sporting some impressive bruises from his last scouting run near the turrets. The machines had only hit the boulder beside him, but the impact of exploding stones still had hurt.

Lana tapped at her lips in thought, glancing at the holotable, then at Xaja, then at Theron (perhaps a little bit warily), then back at the holotable. “We could always throw the Commander at them,” she mildly suggested, and ignored Theron when he choked on his sip of caf.

Xaja turned and gave the Sith Lord a menacing glare. “Like I said: useful ideas only, please.” She looked back to the holotable and tried to ignore Koth and Senya staring in confusion. “Is there any way to remotely slice into the turret controls--?”

“Throwing the Commander?” Senya looked back and forth between Xaja and Lana. “This can’t actually be a strategy from the Core Wo--”

“It’s not,” Xaja quickly said as Lana opened her mouth, and gave the Sith another glare, which she transferred to Theron when he appeared to be trying to hide a smirk behind his caf mug. “Next real suggestion?”

“The Orgus Maneuver?” Sorand grinned and bumped his knuckles against Korin’s, both brothers far too amused.

“We never, ever speak of the Orgus Maneuver again,” Xaja growled, then saw Koth open his mouth to ask a question. “It’s an urban legend. I’m pretty sure it’s impossible to prove. It could never really happen. Maybe we can do a really fast flyby over the turrets and hit them before the fortress can track the ship?...”

She didn’t see Lana angling her upper body behind her and mouthing ‘It’s a real thing’ at the Zakuulans. Neither Koth nor Senya seemed to fully believe it; but for the next year, every major problem that the Alliance faced had “throw the Commander at it” offered as a suggested plan. And every time it was suggested, Xaja shot it down with what she insisted was executive veto power.

Vaylin was in the base itself. Xaja could feel the rage-filled darkness that was the mad Empress, worryingly near to Vette’s Force-signature. Sorand was nearby as well, but he felt wounded. The Commander tore around the corner, Arcann and Senya right behind her. She could see where she needed to be, see Vaylin’s back turned to her as she paced menacingly in front of the subdued Vette… Just out of easy leaping range.

She glared at the distance between her and Vaylin, her expression darkening further when she recognized what few options she had. It would take far too long to run around for an easier access point, especially when Xaja suspected that Vaylin’s patience would give out before then, and with Vette’s life in the balance. She couldn’t call for a fighter flyby either, for the same reason. And dignity be damned… This really was the only option. “Arcann?”

“Yes, Commander?”

I can’t believe I’m doing this. “Are you familiar with the Orgus Maneuver?”

“We’ve heard rumours,” Arcann admitted as Senya nodded. “Tee-Seven said it came from your old Jedi teacher throwing you at an enemy, which couldn’t possibly have happened.”

“Long story short… It’s true. All of it. My old master did in fact throw me at a pack of Flesh Raiders when I was still a student, and was so pleased with himself that he named the maneuver after himself. It started as a short joke.” Xaja turned and gave the former Emperor a flat, warning glare. “If you ever so much as breathe a word about me giving you permission to use the Orgus Maneuver, I will put you on sanitation duty for the rest of your natural life.”

Arcann’s eyes widened. “It… Yes, Commander. I’ll be right behind you.”

“That puts you a step ahead of everyone else who’s used the Maneuver on me,” Xaja muttered as she braced herself for the throw. “When you’re ready.” Arcann nodded his understanding and raised his hand; Xaja felt the Force grasp her a second before she was thrown hard through the night air, her white-bladed lightsabers igniting at the last possible second.

Vaylin turned just in time to not get stealth-killed, but the shocked (and not a little bit fearful) expression in her eyes was almost worth it.

“Do these bloody droids never end?” Sorand loudly complained as a stream of purple lightning shot from his fingertips. Apparently the Republic base camp on Iokath wasn’t quite as secure as one might have hoped. “Did we not kill enough of them the last time we were here?”

“Apparently not,” Xaja grumbled. Her lightsabers flashed in the air as she deflected a bolt from another droid. “Are we sure this super weapon is worth dealing with this shit?”

“Do you want the Empire getting their hands on it? Or the Republic without adult supervision?” Korin retorted.

“I heard that!” Theron snapped at the Sith, then looked at Xaja. “But she’s right.”

“I’m trying really hard to not be offended, Beniko,” Jorgan growled from his sniper’s position.

“Considering the Republic’s last leader tried to have the Commander assassinated, I’m reasonably sure logic left the Senate entirely years ago,” Lana snarled back, her eyes blazing amber.

“How did the Republic get the reputation of being the so-called honourable ones?” Arcann asked as he threw his lightsaber and took out another droid at a distance.

Xaja rolled her eyes at the argument, then saw the colossal droid striding up and felt herself pale. This one looked to be at least as big as the one that she and Vette had taken down on the last visit to Iokath. “Guys…”

“Really, Xaja could just give the super weapon to the Republic,” Korin interjected into the argument. “If their security’s as bad as it was ten years ago, the Empire will have it too in probably a week.”

“Hey!” Theron glared at his friend. “I mean, you’re probably right now that I’m not working for them anymore, but…”

“So humble, Shan,” Sorand dryly commented.

“Listen, Your Darthliness--”

“What did I say about calling me Your Darthliness?!”

“GUYS!” Xaja’s sharp shout cut into the argument. “Bigger problems!”

“Bigger problems like -- holy shit!” Theron finally turned and saw the approaching droid. “Get under cover!”

Unfortunately, the building that the Alliance team hid behind proved to be little protection from the droid’s laser weapons. Xaja pressed herself against the wall and coughed as she did a headcount through the dust, using the Force to help. Everyone was alive and conscious, miraculously. “Sound off!” She shouted.

“All present and accounted for,” Theron called over. “I’m sending a distress signal back to my father. We should have backup soon.”

“Assuming Commander Malcom’s anywhere near his comm,” Lana grumbled. “We need to find an escape route.”

“If we split up….” Korin mused as he frowned at the dust obscuring his view of the sky. “It can’t kill all of us at once, right?”

“Have you seen its range? It would have no problems shooting all of us.” Arcann scowled. “If we take it out at the legs--”

“Then we get stepped on and smushed into unrecognizable splatters,” Theron grumbled. ”We need a fighter flyby now!”

“Not likely to happen,” Xaja muttered as she looked upward. … It’s worth a shot. “Arcann, Lana, Sorand: who’s got the longest throwing range?”

The three aforementioned Force users looked at each other. “Probably me,” Arcann finally said. “But if we can synchronize it, we might be able to throw something further than one of us can alone.”

“Good.” Xaja sighed in resignation. “We’re enacting the Orgus Maneuver, unless someone has a better idea in the next ten seconds--”

“I don’t think we even have ten seconds!” Jorgan shouted. “Incoming!”

Everything happened in the blur of a second as the colossus droid’s foot started to descend. Xaja just saw her Force-users look at each other before she was lifted up, saw the blood drain out of Theron’s face, saw Jorgan suddenly blink as he caught up to what exactly the Orgus Maneuver was… and then she was flying upward, fast enough to make tears stream from her eyes. Her impact with the droid wasn’t enough to knock it down, but she did seem to throw it off-balance, enough for her to continue scrambling up the chassis to attack the droid’s head and control centre.

Minutes later, the droid finally fell to its knees, then started falling entirely down, all inner systems having been rendered non-functional. Xaja jumped from the droid’s shoulder, landed on an elevated platform, and rolled with her momentum until she came to a stop. For several long seconds she stayed still, focusing on breathing and the realization that she wasn’t dead from that stunt. Shit, where’s Theron? I need to find him and make sure he’s all right --

Footsteps came to a halt beside her. Xaja cracked an eye open to see Jace Malcom’s dropped jaw and bulging eyes. “... Welcome to the party,” she said, wearily waving at the grizzled veteran. “You missed it.”

“No, we got here in time to see everything.” Malcom shook his head. “Everything. I thought the Orgus Maneuver was a myth --”

“For kriff’s sake, how many people know about that?!” Xaja groaned in frustration. “I’m never going to live this down.”

“Nope.” Malcom sighed, then turned his head and waved. “She’s all right, Theron!” he called out, and seconds later Xaja was being lifted off the ground and tightly hugged by a still-pale Theron.

“We’re not making this mistake again,” Xaja growled as she and Sorand ran through the ancient Chiss temple, Raina in tow. “We see Theron, we're doing the Maneuver.”

“Good,” Sorand muttered. “I still can’t believe you and Lana didn’t do it on Umbara.”

“Mostly because we were trying to get to Korin and make sure Theron hadn’t killed him.” Xaja glanced behind her as the trio continued to run. “I don’t know what my father’s told you about me, Lieutenant Temple, but you’re sworn to secrecy for what you’re about to see.”

Raina’s eyes widened. “Yes, Commander Taerich,” she said. “What am I going to be seeing?”

“The Orgus Maneuver, which absolutely does not exist, and is not the reason why I’m probably going to punch my old Jedi Master when I see him after I pass into the Force.” Xaja came around the corner and saw the shuttle preparing to take off, with him on board, with that (admittedly sexy-looking) jacket and that awful haircut (dear Force, what had he been thinking?!), and perhaps half a dozen of his Chiss friends. “End of the line, Theron!” she shouted at her wayward husband, seeing him whirl when he heard her voice. His hazel eyes widened enough for Xaja to see it, even at this distance. “Sorand!”

“The Maneuver is a go!” Sorand stretched out his hand, and Xaja felt herself flying in a too-familiar motion, on a direct course for Theron. She recognized the alarm and disbelief in his eyes as he started moving out of her path --

-- then there was a blur of blue and grey, Theron shouted “No, wait, don’t!”, and Xaja was knocked completely off her trajectory by a larger Chiss body slamming into hers and knocking her to the ground. Valss, the notorious Force-wielding Chiss, landed in front of her and spun his yellow lightsaber menacingly.

It failed? Xaja rolled back to her feet as Sorand came running up to her side, and watched in mute, stunned disbelief as the shuttle door slid closed and Theron escaped her. “The Orgus Maneuver failed?” she whispered, feeling her shoulders slump despondently. “How the hell did it fail…?”

“Bigger problems right now!” Sorand shouted as he Force-threw Valss back from Xaja before the Chiss could seize the opportunity to attack the Commander. “Fight, dammit!”

… I was so close. Anger made Xaja’s jaw tighten as she drew her lightsabers, white blades with Sorand’s green weapon facing off against the Chiss and his yellow blade. Valss never stood a chance. But it was still a depressed Jedi-turned-Commander and a stunned Dark Lord of the Sith who made it onto Lana’s evacuation shuttle after the battle. How did the Orgus Maneuver fail?

For her part, Raina just looked back and forth between the Commander and the Sith Lord, then back in the direction of the traitor’s shuttle, then back at the Jedi. “Ktah,” she muttered under her breath, wondering once again what exactly she’d just signed up for. She could only hope that the day would never come when she would be considered a projectile weapon.

[itsyaboykay]

Review for The Savior’s Champion (spoiler alert: I gave it a 2/5)

Let me preface this with a disclaimer: I do not hate the author, Jenna Moreci, by any means. I watched a lot of her channel and felt she gave some very valid writing tips and so I was excited to read her book. So everything here I have to say is my own opinion not just as an aspiring writer but as someone who's loved books for much of my life. Also, this is a very spoiler heavy review so if you wish to remain unspoiled, please turn away now. (And a warning for the use of the “C” word.) With that, I have some thoughts to convey....

When I heard the hype surrounding this book and heard the premise of the story itself, I was very excited and ready to save up the cash to buy the book. Since I had a chance to rent it from a library, however, I decided to do that first so that I could at least get to know the story before shelling out the money and honestly... I'm very glad I rented the book before buying it.

This book is honestly such a disappointment compared to the rave reviews I kept seeing people give out on YouTube. First, I'll categorize my thoughts out into the Characters, the Writing, the Plot/World and other miscelaneous issues that I found while reading.

The Characters:

In my opinion, all of the characters felt very two-dimensional 90% of the time. There were just one or two traits given to each character and every single thing they did revolved around that trait. For example: there was a character called the Jester because he was always joking and funny and that's all there was to him. He was constantly cracking jokes. Though, to be fair he did die off pretty early on in the story. Another good example, however, would be Niel who was very fratboy-ish and perverted. That's all there was to him was constantly saying something lewd until it got him shoved down a hole when he grabbed Leila's ass one too many times. There's also just so little given about them or their story or what little personality a lot of the characters have before they're killed off. So a lot of the time their death just had absolutely no impact to me since I only just learned that this dude's wife died giving birth to their son ten pages ago.

Another thing about the characters is that when it came to the competetors in the Sovereign's Tournament, most of them were very difficult to keep track of and I found myself having to watch the videos on the author's channel covering the characters at least three times over the three days it took me to read this book. Without it, I'd have been a lot more lost than I was and I feel that had the competetors have been referred to as either solely their Laurel (a title given to them at the start of the Tournament) or their given name, it would have made things a lot easier.

On to individual characters themselves. Concerning Tobias, I felt him to be very high and mighty a lot of times. He looked down on his own best friend for wanting to enter the Tournament and looked down on people for being open about their sexual exploits not to mention looking down on Flynn for feeling he was in love with Cosima despite having just met her. All there was to him was that he was the Good Guy and he was in love with Leila. A lot of times he was extremely dickish towards Flynn just for the guy being grateful about Tobias saving his life. There were two particular times in the novel that it was very obvious that everyone was just being a dick towards Tobias just so that we, the reader, would feel sorry for him and hate the bad guys. When he lost the gift challenge due to only being able to draw Leila, everyone laughed and berrated and hated him despite just a few moments ago being chummy with him seeing as he's quite literally pulled some of them out of challenges and saved their asses. Then much later on during the Viewing where the foreign rulers bet on who would win the fight to the death, everyone just gangs up on Tobias again and starts smacking him around and laughing at him because we're supposed to hate these characters and wanna save and protect poor widdle Toby. Despite the fact that in that Viewing scene, Tobias very much brought all of that on himself seeing as he blatantly insulted the foreign rulers right to their faces and called them disgusting. Yes, they're vile for betting on human lives, but at the same time, these are very influential and powerful rulers of foreign kingdoms and Tobias is the least-liked comtetetor left out of the Tournament. All in all, Tobias (like all of the male characters in this story) doesn't feel like a real, believable man but as the fantasy perfect man that a teenager would dream up and swoon over.

The Sovereign confused me. A lot. Why was it that he didn't have Leila (the Savior) killed while she was still in infancy? She was premature when she was cut from her mother's womb and this is set in a time where there wasn't the technology necessary in order to ensure Leila survives infancy so it would have been a simple matter of strangling her then lying to the public to say that the circumstances to her birth complicated matters and thus she died. He easily lied about who killed Leila's mother by cutting out the man's tongue and having him publicly executed so why could he not have killed Leila and spun a lie? The same goes for his strange need to have Tobias killed in the arena. He's the Sovereign, after all, it would have been very easy for him to order Tobias executed (especially when there were two assassins still alive by the time they get to the palace) and hide the true nature of his death. The public wasn't around for a lot of the challenges (from what I could tell, at least) so it was very unnecessary for the Sovereign to insist that Tobias be killed in the arena when Tobias proved himself very capable of defending himself out there. Especially when time and time again Tobias was being Blessed by the Savior and thus given an extra edge in each fight. Another thing was his anger about Leila being down in the Labyrinth despite that having been the perfect opportunity for his three assassins to kill her seeing as Tobias wasn't available 24/7 to look over her and protect her.  

Leila being the Savior is a very hollow revelation and makes much of the book seem very pointless. The whole premise was that Tobias falls in love with a woman that he's not supposed to seeing as he's entered into the Sovereign's Tournament, but it's all taken away and the impact of him having a forbidden romance with someone who isn't the Savior is taken away when it turns out that the woman he loves is in fact the Savior. It was very annoying to see Leila constantly assuming things of Tobias, first with seeing the blood on his hands and assuming he's the one that murdered the first three competetors in the Labyrinth (despite him being covered in injuries from said Labyrinth) and then going on to the Poem Challenge where he poured his heart out in a love poem ABOUT her and FOR her. Instead of taking this into account, she just assumes that he had sex with Cosima during his reward even though by this time they had confessed to loving each other already. It's very trope-y and something I've seen many a times in other stories and media. Her killing of the Senators is just seen as a "Oh, *shrug* no biggie" type of thing by Tobias which I felt was very strange seeing as he looked down on and actually beat up the other competetors in the Tournament for murdering people. Leila also constantly got upset with Tobias for saying that he hates the Savior when they both know that he thinks Cosima is the Savior. When he was saying he hates the Savior, he was referring to hating Cosima and they were both well aware of this. She was supposed to be this super badass woman who doesn't afraid of everything and yet to me she just felt like a special snowflake Mary Sue most of the time. Finally about Leila I kept wondering is why she smelled so strongly of peaches that Tobias was seemingly able to smell it the moment she walked through a door. Did she constantly eat them? Was she bathing in a scented wash? Did she wear peach perfume? It was never explained to my knowledge.

Sadly in the story, Kaleo was the only character I found myself enjoying at times since he angered Tobias so much and I was already annoyed with Tobias before the end of the first chapter. Despite him at the end of the story turning into a perverted sexual deviant who wanted to literally rape Tobias in order to torture him for the Sovereign and being very two-dimensional like the rest of the characters in his sadistic tendencies during the whole Tournament, he was still the most entertaining of all the characters.

The Writing:

Despite me prefacing this review with that I feel Jenna Moreci gives out sound advice on writing, I found her writing style to really not live up to that advice she preaches one her YouTube channel. For one thing, the dialogue in this story was such a strange hybrid switching back and forth from overly formal and robotic to fratboy/fuckboy speak. And every single character save Enzo and the Queen from Enzo's country spoke in the same exact way. Even the Sovereign, the literal king of Thessen, walked around calling people "little bitches" and "cunts" all the time. Leila was called blunt and her words were made to seem like a joke but instead, her dialogue was just very vulgar when it felt that the author wanted to be funny. Another thing was that overuse of the words "cock", "cunt" and "bitch" throughout the story. They were the ONLY insults thrown at people which made it really seem that the author knew no other insults she could give for the characters to toss at each other. Even Raphael, the Intellect, literally the smartest and most refined man in the Tournament would say "cock" and I believe even called people "cunts". As far as I was able to tell, there was only one instance that Jenna Moreci wrote "dick" instead of "cock" and it was twenty-six chapters deep in the story while Cosima was trying to coerce Tobias into having sex with her.

This whole story just feels like it was a YA book placed under the Adult genre in order to allow the author to have gore and sex and vulgar dialogue. As I mentioned with Tobias, the men in the story just felt so unbelievable as if they were thought up by a teenager who thinks this is what grown men are all like despite this having been written by a 30+ year old woman. A lot of the elements were just so juvenile and immature such as the fuckboy nature to a lot of the dialogue and certain things like Tobias focusing so much on Leila's chest and thinking to himself "tits tits tits tits" at one point. Then there was a whole scene where Tobias describes urinating in someone's washbin for cheating on his sister which, while yes he was sixteen at the time, felt so juvenile for him to be talking about. Another EXTREMELY juvenile and cringey thing was that Ceasar was just randomly jerking off right next to Tobias in his tent every morning. As if in spite of being in the Tournament surrounded by a bunch of death and violence and gore he's just too horny and can't help but masturbate right next to Tobias. Finally a lot of the descriptors given to people in dialogue and even in the narrative itself felt very strange. The servants constantly scuttled and scampered about. People were skidding to a halt despite walking at a regular pace. And a lot of times people "spat" out words when it didn't seem like that's how they were trying to say the sentence? I don't know how to put it other than it was just very strange.

The Plot/World:

I've seen a lot of other one-two star reviews going over the lack of Worldbuilding in this story, so I'll try not to reiterate too much here. I do agree that there's just so little we're given about Thessen other than the general vibe that it's based off of Ancient Greece and it used to be a desert before the first Savior changed it all. I also agree that the lack of an in depth explanation on the magic was just very confusing and left a lot of head scratching and it's sad to realize that Jenna Moreci is more than likely saving any kind of explanation on the magic and how it works for her second and third book in the series. It would have been nice in the final chapter when Leila saved Tobias and was explaining everything about her being the Savior that she give us SOME kind of explanation. Such as why the Blessings ONLY showed up on Tobias when it was most convenient for them within the story. Why didn't it show up when Tobias was in the hedge maze? Why did it take until he made it to the arena and started fighting Flynn and Kaleo? Why is it that despite Leila being a literal god wasn't powerful enough to keep the Sovereign from having too much control or even just from overthrowing him and taking control of the realm back? There was also the whole matter in the final chapter with her suddenly needing to say a chant in order to heal Tobias when before when healing him she just slathered the fake potions on him and touched him.

It was very confusing that the Sovereign, the current ruler of the realm of Thessen, wasn't able to name how many Tournaments there have been but he was able to tell everyone  that there were three men who tried to quit the Tournament and know exactly how they were executed for their dessertion. Another thing about the worldbuilding was that it was very sad that characters kept using the phrase "oh my God" or using "God" at all. Despite Thessen being based on Ancient Greece (which was polytheistic) and them worshiping a living god in the Savior, it would have been a lot nicer and fit in better for characters to say something like "oh my Savior" or at least use the plural form of "gods" or give us an explanation that the Savior is supposed to be the child of a singular God and that's why they're constantly praising Him.

There were a lot of just very random things thrown in that despite them serving a purpose to the plot felt out of place in the plot. Such as there just randomly being an apothecary lesson for seemingly no reason only for it to be revealed that the wine was poisoned. Like, why did no one question why they were learning how to brew an antidote to a poison in the first place? How did none of the "smart" characters like Tobias or Raphael piece together that they were being poisoned? As I mentioned before, the deaths for much of the story just felt very random and served no real purpose other than to eliminate that character from the roster and have someone for Tobias to cry about for a few pages until Leila came along and he could stare at her chest to forget all his troubles.

Miscellaneous Issues:

There were also a lot of just very random things that I kept cringing at or questioning in the story. Such as the dialogue at the start with the woman asking Tobias if he prefers "the cock to the cunt" as a roundabout way to ask if Tobias is gay. Cosima's lovely little line about how a man isn't a man until he proves he can have sex with a woman. Like, yes, we're supposed to not like Cosima because she's betraying Leila and going power hungry (and a lot of the time it felt like we were supposed to hate her for being "slutty") but that whole thing just had me cringing.

Tobias seemed to have this instant weapon mastery after having one overnight lesson on how to fight with a sword against the bardiche with Flynn and Leila. He was never taught how to shoot a bow, he was never taught how to fight sword against sword and he CERTAINLY wasn't taught how to dual wield swords and yet he was instantly able to master all of these fighting techniques despite having just One (1) lesson in the whole book.

Garrick did an absolute 180 going from this super badass calling everyone else a coward and jumping into the ravine (which should have killed him given that him jumping from that height and hitting the water's surface tension would have been like jumping onto concrete) turns into a coward throwing a hissy fit and saying "fuck the Savior" just because Drake pointed him out next as the target he wanted to kill.

The fight against the Giant confused me since Tobias was teleporting around the arena and at the start I had assumed the arena was a large area and yet when he would teleport from one side to the other he was able to hear the Giant questioning what was going on with perfect clarity. He was also confusing in killing the Farmer for being "blasphemous" despite he himself wanting only coin and glory and calling the Savior a "pair of glowing tits". (At least I thought it was the Giant that killed the Farmer. I could be wrong because of confusion, again.)

The final two points that were just very random were why Delphi kept telling Tobias all this information about the other contestants. Other than it being because Leila liked Tobias, she was giving him information before Tobias even realized he was in love with Leila so I just kept asking myself "why is she doing this? What's in it for her?" And lastly was that the riddles in their little card game were stupidly simple and felt only there for the need of toting Tobias' intelligence to the reader.

In Conclusion:

I was very disappointed in this story. I had high hopes going in and was excited to read it because I like Jenna Moreci's channel on YouTube but I ended up having to force myself to finish this book when I wanted to just close it and return it to the library after the first three chapters. It's made me very hesitant to find and read her other book Eve: The Awakening or any other book in the Savior's Series despite my morbid curiosity. All in all, I would not recommend this book to anyone and give this a 2/5 simply because I liked Kaleo and his trashy self.

[old-type-40]

The way this scene is composed is perfect. Philip is angry and upset. Tuan warns him that there may be a surveillance car near the Morozov home. Elizabeth urges him to heed Tuan’s warning but he doesn’t acknowledge either of them. When he sees the surveillance he takes his wife’s hand to maintain their cover and give the appearance of a family out for a walk. But it’s more than just a cover. Philip and Elizabeth are truly united. Tuan is in the background and barely in frame. The empathy and connection they had to their fake adoptive son is badly broken.

And I loved the alternating cuts between the Jennings learning what Tuan did and Paige working on her martial arts training. People who have been unhappy with Paige wanted her to be the dedicated spy that Tuan is. And look at what a terrible thing he did and he sees nothing wrong with it. It left me angry, upset, and sick to my stomach. It was very clever of the J’s to introduce this polar opposite of Paige as a virtual child of the Jennings.

More thoughts on The Americans - S05E12 The World Council of Churches are after the cut.

This episode could easily be titled “Should They Stay or Should They Go”. All season long, the Jennings have been given one reason after another to call it quits. But on the other hand they have to worry what it would do to their kids to uproot their lives and force them to relocate to the Soviet Union.

As the episode opens, Paige learns that Pastor Tim has taken a job at The World Council of Churches in Argentina. She knows this job was arranged by the KGB at the urging of her parents. After she goes home and informs her parents of what’s happened, Paige takes off her cross and throws it away. Pastor Tim had written in his diary that he wondered if Paige could ever trust anyone again. This seems to extend to her faith. And it seems to be evidence that Pastor Tim’s concern for her is valid and a reason for the Jennings to call it quits.

But on the other hand, there’s Henry and his desire to go to St. Edwards along with his friend (and maybe girlfriend) Chris. How can they whisk him away from these things without warning? And Claudia warned them not to tell Henry until they’re in the Soviet Union.

Because this is such a vexing decision, the Jennings sought counsel from Pastor Tim of all people. It was only a couple of seasons ago that Philip looked ready to literally murder him. To his credit, Pastor Tim offered the Jennings sound advice. He pointed out there will be difficulties no matter the choice they make and there is no way to foretell what those difficulties will be. And he also pointed out that in a few years Paige and Henry will be old enough to decide for themselves whether to stay or go with their parents. It would be nice if the Jennings had the time to let that happen but I’m not certain they do.

In addition to the Jennings becoming disenchanted with their jobs, Oleg has become disenchanted with his as well. His investigation into corruption looked like it would yield severe sentences for the low level people who are just trying to make things work while the higher ups get off scot free. At one point, Oleg asks his mother what life was like in a labor camp. She tells him she had to sleep with a doctor in order have food, socks, and a thicker blanket. And it upset her when Oleg took a job with the KGB because it reminded her of this very bad time in her life.

As I said earlier, it would be nice if the Jennings had time to let their kids become adults before deciding what to do. But there are several things happening which lead me to believe they won’t. There’s the FBI operation to gain access to the Soviets’ diplomatic bag. That could potentially blow the Jennings cover. And what happens if the KGB decides that one of the Jenning children should become a 2nd generation illegal? The Jennings are now seeing first hand with Tuan the possible outcome for that. And, finally, there is the KGB investigation into how the biowarfare operation was compromised. It’s not surprising they suspect Oleg. But what if Oleg successfully deflects suspicion? The next logical suspect is Philip. And Philip has not endeared himself to his KGB masters.

No matter the path the Jennings take, it looks like things could turn out very badly.

[jeparlelibremente]

The Wolf and the Lamb

“Once upon a time a Wolf was lapping at a spring on a hill- side, when, looking up, what should he see but a Lamb just beginning to drink a little lower down. ‘ ere’s my supper,’ thought he, ‘if only I can find some excuse to seize it.’ then he called out to the Lamb, ‘How dare you muddle the water from which I am drinking?’* *‘Nay, master, nay,’ said Lambikin; ‘if the water be muddy up there, I cannot be the cause of it, for it runs down from you to me.’* *‘Well, then,’ said the Wolf, ‘why did you call me bad names this time last year?’* *‘ at cannot be,’ said the Lamb; ‘I am only six months old.’* *‘I don’t care,’ snarled the Wolf; ‘if it was not you it was your father;’ and with that he rushed upon the poor little Lamb and ate her all up. But before she died she gasped out.’Any excuse will serve a tyrant.’” - Aesop’s Fables

1.

Obvious interpretation notwithstanding, there's a key fact overlooked here: the Lamb stood her ground and engaged in discourse with the Wolf People take this story to mean that tyrants will rationalise any behaviour in accordance with their true wishes and goals, but completely overlook that the lamb deliberately makes herself a victim. "She's only six months old!" true - but she's old enough to engage in a dialectic with the Wolf. She refers to the Wolf as "Master" in acknowledgement of his physical superiority in the natural order, yet she never, ever attempts to flee.

What kind of creature would stand its ground knowing it was rationalising its way towards its own death?

Third person perspective; we, the audience, are standing by, watching these events unfold. This is literally how the story is told; not as first person, but as third. And what do we do? Nobody intervenes despite what will obviously happen to the lamb; the lamb herself is unwilling to take action to prevent her death. No deus ex machina. Purely theoretical consideration? Overly psychoanalytic analysis?

People are not born into a void; each of us is born into a system, a social structure that forms an impression on our growing unconscious. The lamb understands, intuits via some means, learned or innate, that the wolf is her superior. Her mistake is in thinking she can reason with the wolf, but it is not the only means to resolve existential conflict. Fleeing (even making the attempt) fighting back, or suicide, are all valid options. In the case of suicide, she deprives the wolf of the pride of the kill. Yes, he still gets to eat, but his ego has been stripped; his persona, his drive. His own existential purpose has been claimed from him. He becomes an animal without a reason to exist. What if all the lambs simply threw themselves into the river and drowned?

2. In 1991, the Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to Aung San Suu Kyi, a woman who endured fifteen years of house arrest over a twenty one year period in order to help bring about stable democracy in Myanmar. Now, she is under political attack for passively allowing the slaughter of who are perhaps the worlds largest group of stateless people: the Rohingya. The basic exposition is thus: after the so-called '8888' uprising in Burma, a military junta took control of the state, and this was new. Previously (1962), Burma had been effectively controlled as a totalitarian state; a period of increasing economic isolation and strengthening of the military power with utterly predictable consequences: impoverishment of the people (please add this to your pile of evidence that Marx was, yet again, utterly wrong about everything) Burma has consistently ranked poorly in the United Nations socioeconomic development index; General Win Ne was only continuing to make this worse: forcing farmers to sell below market price in order to secure greater revenue for the government (econ 101, Marx wrong, again) Ne Win resigned, a new (unpopular) ruler took over with the promise of a multiparty system i.e. "democracy"

More protests followed, larger and more thoroughly organised. The national army suppressed this and, as military states tend to do, killed people. Aung San Suu Kyi had political credibility as the daughter of the guy who founded the state and it was at this point she made an address to the general assembly of protestors and entered the political fight. It was after she founded the National League for Democracy that she was placed under house arrest. Decades and one Nobel prize later, Burma/Myanmar is looking a little better. I hear the government doesn't just wipe out your savings now.

3. For the last three weeks, Buddhist-majority Myanmar has systematically slaughtered civilians belonging to the Rohingya Muslim minority, forcing 270,000 to flee to neighboring Bangladesh — with Myanmar soldiers shooting at them even as they cross the border.*

*“The Buddhists are killing us with bullets,” Noor Symon, a woman carrying her son, told a Times reporter. “They burned houses and tried to shoot us. They killed my husband by bullet.” - The New York Times ("A Nobel Peace prize winners shame")

"I hate this essayist, all he does is talk about Freud!!" Look, it's not my fault he was right about a lot of stuff, ok? Anyway, you're in luck. It's far too easy to point to the pattern: "Freud -> Civilisation & its Discontents -> Narcissism of small differences -> neighbours killing each other"

Different question: what if the Rohingya either fought back, or killed themselves?

If you make the (very sane) choice to run, then I wish you luck. If it were me, I would run. But running and appealing to global authority is akin to the lamb rationalising with the wolf; the third party, us, is not going to step in and help you. Murdering your neighbours is a particular kind of insanity, terrifying because under the narcissism of small differences we are all capable of it. Fascism is evil because of the ability of the individual to rationalise the morality of the evil act. It's a collective delusion, but the collective has to cling to it to maintain sanity.

When you run, you reinforce the belief your neighbours/enemy have that you are an evil-doer. This is why peaceful protest works so well for the collective (NB: not not not the individual) peaceful protest is a form of suicide; you strip the antagonist of their existential tension. From the perspective of the Army, fleeing is justifying why you are being chased in the first place. It doesn't make it right, it means you are acting in accordance with how their super-ego perceives you, thus, justifying your own persecution.

If human beings had the somehow supernatural ability to dissolve their natural will to live, and collectively lay down as a group and die, how much conflict would be resolved? If you provided no tension, would they still shoot? Would the wolf continue eating lambs?

Yes, it's insane. And very, (very) big-H hypothetical. But it's insane because the world is insane.

“They killed my husband by bullet.”