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pjohoo-reclists · 8 months ago

Note

hey I know this ask Is a little specific but are there any fics where Percy likes reveals his like struggling with guilt, and suicidal thoughts to people other than Annabeth? I love Percabeth I just really want to see other characters reacting to Percy's struggles! Thxxx!!!!

Hey Anon!! This wasn't too specific, don't worry. I read it and two fics immediately came to mind. One is a spot on match - Percy goes to therapy and talks about his guilt and suicidal thoughts/attempts. Took a little while to find a few more tho. Enjoy!

Percy Confides in Others Rec List

A list of fics where Percy confides in people other than Annabeth about his guilt and suicidal tendencies. Enjoy!

How you remind me. by youngjusticewriter

T | 700 words | Complete

Percy Jackson & Grover Underwood

Suicidal Thoughts, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Grover Underwood

(Look, he didn’t want to be a half-blood.) For a moment Percy felt the urge to ask Grover if he was ever going to be free. But he didn’t so the words stayed in his mouth and there they would rot like fruit left out for days in the summer heat. Percy opened his eyes. He stared at the bathtub. “...Grover, do you think I’ll graduate college?” Percy heard a sharp inhale. “Yeah, Percy. I do.” A noise escaped his throat. His vision grew blurry. “I agreed to go on a quest,” Percy said, finally admitting it to someone.

She’ll Rage For Him by aiden_salva00

T | 900 words | Complete

Percy Jackson/Clarisse La Rue, Silena Beauregard & Clarisse La Rue

Survivor Guilt, Percy Jackson is a Mess, Camp Half Blood

Clarisse La Rue knows rage. Percy Jackson knows loyalty. As the boy breaks, she summons rage to protect him like he has always protected them.

A Son's Prayer by AJDoesStuff (ApophisWrites)

T | 1.2k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Poseidon

Post Tartarus, Suicidal Thoughts, Good Parent Poseidon

Percy Jackson had been through hell and back, literally in his case, and he just wants someone to talk to where he won't be a burden. He prays to Poseidon, knowing his dad will most likely not bother listening to him, why would he want to listen to someone like Percy anyway. Poseidon listens anyway.

Similarities by HK44

G | 1.2k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Carter Kane

Short and Sweet, Carter is a good friend, Angst

“It’s different,” Percy cut in, pulling back, moving away, getting ready to leave. “They wouldn’t get it.” The words were firm, edged in steel, lined with barricades. He was falling back into himself again. Carter cursed everything and grabbed his arm. “Hey. What’s up?”

Dying is easy, living is harder by One_Real_Wrimonkey

T | 1.4k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Clarisse La Rue

Grief/Mourning, Percy Jackson & Clarisse La Rue Friendship, Clarisse La Rue has PTSD

She found him on a rock looking over the ocean, waves crashing below them, lit by a brilliant moon. It felt too pretty, given the state of the world, but he couldn't look away. Percy expected her to try and drag him back to camp, or maybe shove him off the cliff, but she only sat next to him. "Wanna talk about it?" . Three weeks after the war, Percy and Clarisse finally allow themselves to grieve.

and the ships are left to rust by Duck_Life

T | 1.8k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Jason Grace

Survivor Guilt, Bathing/Washing, Grief/Mourning

Jason goes looking for Percy after the final battle.

Rest Me And My Bones by Freddie_77

Not Rated | 1.9k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Clarisse La Rue, Clarisse La Rue & Will Solace, Percy Jackson & Will Solace

Grief/Mourning, Post Gaea & The Second Giant War, Trans Characters

“Hey,” Percy says, and it’s three AM, and Clarisse has finally got Ellis and Sherman to stop fucking fighting and go to bed, so why is he on the cabin doorstep, and really, how did he get around the landmines? Sure, all the counselors got to know cabin protections, but he hasn’t been at camp in… seven months? Eight? (Sure, Clarisse knows the exact date, deep down, a doomsday clock ticking away, your friend has been gone for this long and this long and this long– But she doesn’t need to admit that.) “The fuck do you want?” Her voice is gruffer than she means for it to. She loves him, deep down. (Very, very deep. You may need a gun pressed to her head to make the words come out. Doesn’t make it less true.) “Donuts,” he responds without pause, holding up one of the camp SUV’s keys. “I figured we could go out with Will. He’s waiting in the car already.” Or: post battle, Percy, Will, and Clarisse go out for donuts and talk for a while.

I'm going to make you wish you were dead by nlpiersee

T | 2k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Poseidon, Aphrodite & Ares & Hades & Hephaestus & Hera & Persephone & Poseidon & Zeus (Percy Jackson)

Angst and Feels, Near Death Experiences, Family Drama

The council of the gods gathers expecting to smite a demi-god, only to have the tables turned on them. No one expected one hero to have gone through so much.

i'm a young man built to fall by bakedbean15

T | 2.1k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Rachel Elizabeth Dare, Paul Blofis & Percy Jackson

PTSD, Post the Second Titan War, Rachel Elizabeth Dare is a good friend

Percy has a flashback at school, Rachel and Paul help.

Just Because I Left Doesn’t Mean That I’m Not Still There by SiederTreeStudios

G | 2.7k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Poseidon

Post Tartarus, Post-Gaea & The Second Giant War, Protective Poseidon

Posideon couldn’t be there for his son when he needed him. But he could be there now. OR Posideon’s perspective on Percy’s adventures (mostly the Lightning Thief) and the aftermath of it all.

life doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints by Thatcrazyfan

T | 2.7k | Complete

Clarisse La Rue/Chris Rodriguez, Percy Jackson/Annabeth

Survivor Guilt, Hopeful Ending, Percy Jackson needs a hug

Chris noticed it before anyone else. He heard the whispers, saw the stares and was vividly reminded of the first few years after he had re-joined camp. The distrust in everyone’s eyes and in their actions and in the voices was something he would never, ever forget. Or, Something's wrong with Percy, and Chris is worried. Percy hasn't been his usual self in a long time.

Call Me by orphan_account

G | 2.8k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Nico di Angelo

Attempted Suicide, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Trans Male Character

Percy and Nico made a promise on the River Styx, if either ever felt really depressed or like they might attempt suicide they have to call the other. Nico receives an Iris Message on a Tuesday.

the ghost of you by beforedaybreaks

G | 3.2k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Luke Castellan

Canonical Character Death, Survivor Guilt, Minor Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson

"Hello," the ghost of Luke says from its perch atop Percy's bedroom drawer. It tilts its head; grins, baring shiny white teeth. Luminous gold eyes bore deep into Percy's soul. Percy freezes. "You're not real,” he says, accusatory. Luke seems unphased by this development. In which Percy Jackson is haunted by the ghost of Luke Castellan, deals with unresolved feelings of guilt, and learns to say goodbye, all at the same time.

Percy's "Wonderful" Adventures in Therapy by Inlovewithsnow2002

T | 3.4k | Complete

Percy Jackson, Sally Jackson

Past Child Abuse, Percy finally gets Therapy, Suicidal Thoughts

After a series of unfortunate events Percy has landed himself in therapy.

You Can Kid The World, But Not Your Sister by HK44

T | 4.7k | Complete

Sadie Kane, Percy Jackson, Walt Stone

Panic Attacks, Monsters, Mental Health Issues

It was like the world had slowed between the seconds that it’s tongue lifted off of Felix’s hair and it’s entire body convulsing. It went so painfully still, a broken yelp echoing from it’s mouth. She saw the way it’s eyes bulged, Percy stepping in close. As though the parasite alien from Alien was breaking through, she could see the shift of muscle and bone underneath it’s thick mass of fur. And then the room was splattered in blood and yellow sand.

Apricity by TheProfoundSilence

T | 7.5k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Poseidon, Percy Jackson & Apollo

Kidnapping, BAMF Percy Jackson, Protective Poseidon

Percy gets kidnapped. He thought the pain was easy to deal with, but hell is just that, hell to live through. In the aftermath, a lonely infirmary, sheer willpower, and Percy Jackson attempts to rebuild himself back again with a little help from godly friends.

the light in the darkest depths of the sea (why can't i hold on?) by AchillesComeHome

Not Rated | 8.3k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Poseidon, Percy Jackson/Annabeth Chase, Percy Jackson & Sally Jackson

Angst with a Bittersweet Ending, Good Parent Poseidon, Depressed Percy Jackson

He’s sinking down, and down and down. His throat burns from the seawater aggravating the soreness of it. The water carries him down, or maybe that’s him. He doesn’t know. He lets the sea take him. Maybe she’ll give him the peace he’s never truly had. Maybe she’ll let him rest for once. So he drifts, throat choking and burning with tears, eyes focused on the dimming light above him. Maybe this was his fate all along - to be swept away by the sea to a place even his father can’t find him. And maybe, he’s okay with that. Maybe he can sleep now. Or in which Percy Jackson has given up, but Poseidon has not.

Stars on the Water by liketolaugh

T | 116k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Thalia Grace, Percy Jackson & Sally Jackson, Percy Jackson & Grover Underwood & Annabeth Chase

Percy Jackson has Self Esteen Issues, Percy Jackson Goes to Therapy, Abused Percy Jackson

"I dunno, I just think it would make a lot of things easier for a lot of people," Percy said to Thalia, when she just stared at him. His cheek rested in his hand, a rare pensive look leaving his eyes distant and unfocused. "Mom has Paul now, so it’ll be easier on her if she doesn’t have to worry about me mucking things up. Dad won’t have to keep threatening war every time Zeus gets his toga twisted. The prophecy’s done, so I won’t be bringing it down on Nico. And no one will have to worry about me blowing up another volcano."

Star Light, Star Bright by liketolaugh

T | 192k | Complete

Percy Jackson/Annabeth Chase, Percy Jackson & Sally Jackson, Percy Jackson & Paul Blofis

Therapy 2: Electric Boogaloo, PTSD, Past Child Abuse

Subject: Percy's back Hello, Raine. I know that you're on leave right now, but you asked me to tell you as soon as we got further news on Percy. He's home. He's safe. But can you please get back to me as soon as possible? He's not doing well, and he's been asking for you. I hope that you've been resting well. With love, Sally

237 notes · View notes

wiretism · 1 year ago

Text

A Shitty Brother Kinda Christmas

(7,441 words)

Evan invites Michael over for Christmas after not speaking to him for over two years now. Shenanigans ensue

Michael was cold.

He was also annoyed and bored and excited and the slightest bit nervous.

But right now, he was just cold.

He was sitting out in the middle of nowhere waiting for a bus that had either already come or was nearly a half an hour late.

He was praying it was the latter.

It didn’t help that he’d had literally no time to prepare. Evan had called him at six in the morning and he’d had to rush to find a gift and means for transportation and it didn’t help that everything was closed for Christmas. So he’d thrown on the only coat he had and went for the first bus he could catch. Now he was stuck out in the snow waiting for a bus that might not even arrive.

But some things were worth getting hypothermia for.

Unfortunately for Michael, this was not feeling like one of those things. But it was a second chance, and he’s fucked up too much to give up on a second chance. Frankly, when Evan had asked for his number, he’d already expected not to hear from him ever again, and he’d made peace with that. As much peace as he could at least. It wasn’t something he thought about a lot, and he doubted Evan thought about it much either.

But today his head’s been full of it, as unpleasant as that is.

When the bus finally pulled up, the driver assured him that the snow was what caused the delay, and apologized profusely. Michael didn’t care, he was just glad it came at all.

The bus was almost entirely empty, which made his life a lot easier. He clicked on his phone, not that there was anything to look at. It was Christmas, after all.

When Evan had invited him, he’d known it would be disappointing to Jeremy; He always looked forward to Christmas, but he promised they’d have their own little Christmas when he got back, but this was the first time he’d spoken to Evan in… Forever. His little brother had a house for god’s sake! A house! And he lived with his friend! That friend who’d punched Michael, the friend who always let Evan stay over his house, the friend he’d totally definitely not gotten into a fist fight with more than once all because of his own stubborn attitude.

So yeah, Michael was a jerk. But in his defense, Gregory was stubborn too.

His phone pinged and he picked it up. It was Evan again. Geez, why did he keep calling? Michael had already agreed, he didn’t want to talk to him right now, not yet.

But he can’t keep putting it off, and he doesn’t wanna seem like he’s avoiding Evan. (Even though he is, technically.)

“Hello? Hello, hello?” He said, “What’s up?”

“It’s me.” Evan said, “Just wanted to make sure you’re doing okay? I’m really sorry it’s such short notice.”

“It’s whatever.” Michael replied, “The bus was late though.”

“It’s Christmas, that’s expected.” Evan replied.

This was weird. Not a bad weird, but not a good weird either.

“Yeah.” Is all he said, “Uhm, is there anything else you need? The service here is ass.”

“Uh, no, I was calling to tell you if the bus hadn’t come to just forget it because I didn’t want you to keep waiting. It’s cold outside.”

“No shit.” He said with a dry laugh, “I’m gonna go now. Bad service, you know how it is.”

“Oh? O-Okay, yeah, bye.” Evan said.

“Bye.” Michael said before hanging up and sitting back against the seat.

“Shitty service?” He mumbled to himself, “Idiot.”

“Well, that sucked.” Elizabeth said. She was hanging decorations she’d brought since their house wasn’t “Christmas ready” in her words.

“He’s probably just tired.” Charlie said, “I’m sure he’s happy you invited him.”

“Well maybe the invitation isn’t what’s got him in the dumps and maybe it’s more the timing?” Elizabeth said.

Evan shrunk back, “I really didn’t notice how close it was getting to Christmas, I just… I couldn’t decide if I wanted to invite him…”

Elizabeth shrugged, “Fair, I guess. I usually invite him over but he spends his Christmas with his friends a lot.”

“His friends?” Charlie asked, “Jeremy?”

“And those other kids from middle school.”

Evan scrunched up his nose, “He still hangs out with those guys?”

“Yeah?” Elizabeth climbs down the small step ladder she was on, “They’re his friends.”

Evan huffs, “Yeah, I know.” He mutters.

Charlie offers a small smile at him, nudging him, “He’s not bringing any of them, it’s just him, Ev.” She says, “I’m sure everything will be okay.”

He nods slowly, “Yeah, yeah I guess.”

“Hey, Evan?” Gregory calls from the other room where he’s helping Sammy set up for dinner.

“O-oh, yeah?”

“Why does Michael do that weird ‘hello? Hello, hello?’ thing?”

Evan blinked, “I… I don’t know, actually.”

“Oh my god he does that all the time I don’t think he even realizes it!” Elizabeth said, “It drives me insane!”

Charlie laughed, “Yeah, Sammy says he does it every time he calls him.”

“He does!” Sammy said, “Every time. I asked him about it once and he was just as confused as me! He just does it. It’s like an instinct.”

Gregory laughed too, “That is funny as hell I’m never letting him live that down.”

“Oh, speaking of living things down,” Evan hopped off his bed and headed to the kitchen, “You’re gonna be on your best behavior. If you and him fight, I’m sticking you both outside.”

“If you put me outside with him I’ll bury him alive in the snow.” Gregory said.

“I’m serious.” Evan said, “I don’t want you fighting with him.”

It’s not that Evan didn’t appreciate Gregory standing up for him, but it was stressful. He didn’t want his friend hurt for him, and he certainly didn’t want to spend Christmas breaking up his brother and his best friend.

Gregory looked over at Evan, “Yeah, of course.” He said, “No fighting.”

“And that means no punching, kicking, swearing, snapping, pushing, shoving-”

“Okay, okay, okay, no fighting.” Gregory said, “But he needs to back off sometimes, I’m gonna let him know.”

“I can let him know.” Evan said, “We’re going to have a nice Christmas like a family!”

They all turned to look at him.

“We’re going to have a nice Christmas like a… decent dysfunctional patchwork family…” He rephrased, “I-I guess.”

Gregory laughed at that, “It’ll be fun, I’m sure.”

“I wish you could’ve invited Nessa,” Evan said, “I’m sure she’d have loved to meet Mike.”

When Michael finally arrived, he was met with the entire house laughing at him. Even Evan couldn’t hide his amusement at seeing his brother pull up to his house soaking wet and shaking like a leaf.

“You look great.” Sammy said.

“Piss off.” Michael muttered.

“Come inside, you look like you’re gonna freeze to death.” Charlie said.

“I feel like it too.” Michael muttered.

They brought him inside and Evan found himself suddenly regretting every decision that led up to this.

He felt sick, and he realized with a shock that there was a reason he had avoided Michael. He didn’t know what to say to him, what to do with him, or what to talk about. What do you say to your big brother who you ghosted for nearly two years after getting his number? What do you say to the person who ruined your life? What do you say to the person who treated you like shit and almost killed you and only formally apologized a couple years ago?

Gregory must have noticed because he discreetly led Evan back to his room and sat down with him.

“Not ready?” He asked.

“Not at all.” He said, flopping onto his back.

“What is it?” Gregory asked, laying down beside him.

“I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to him in forever and I was cool with that but then we did talk again and then we split up again and I just… How can I never speak to him again after that? How can I not give him at least a chance to be better? But at the same time… I don’t want to talk about The Thing, and I don’t want to bring it up but I can’t move on if I don’t and I feel sick thinking about it because what if it goes wrong? What if I fuck it up? What if he fucks it up? What if all this bullshit was for nothing this whole time and I’m just gonna end up hating him more than I already do?”

Gregory listens intently, staring at Evan, “You know, I told you not to invite him.”

“I know but-”

He continues speaking, interrupting Evan, “But! You insisted. Why?”

“Because I want to give him another shot.” Evan said.

“And he came because…” Gregory raises his eyebrows expectantly.

“Because he wants to take that shot.” Evan said, slowly understanding.

“So, you want to give him a chance? You don’t have you, you don’t owe anything to him, especially forgiveness. Do you wanna cut this short? Nobody would blame you if you did. I sure as hell wouldn’t.”

Evan sits up, “I guess.”

Gregory smiles, “Why don’t you take some time, dinner’s not done yet. Nobody’s rushing you, and I’m sure Michael is just as nervous. The only difference is that he deserves it.”

Evan laughs a bit at that, “Be nice.” He said.

“No promises!” Gregory called as he walked out of the room.

Frankly, Gregory was right. Michael was just as nervous. In fact, he wanted to curl up in a ball and sink into a hole and die right about now. He didn’t know where to sit so he ended up standing awkwardly off to the side.

Unfortunately for him, Sammy was quick to act like he owned the place. Gregory and him were like siblings, to be fair.

“Come on Mike, sit down.” Sammy said, “What’s wrong, are you nervous?”

“No. Not at all.” He muttered, “I just prefer standing.”

“Yeah, well, you look out of place with the Christmas decorations and I need to take photos so unless you wanna be my santa clause, I suggest you move.” Elizabeth said.

“You're as blunt as ever.” He muttered.

“Thanks, I try my best.” She replied with a grin.

He sat down next to Sammy, pulling out his phone, only to have Charlie grab it away from him, ignoring the indignant noise he made.

“Aw, Jeremy? Are you guys dating yet?” She teased.

“Wha- no! Give that back!” He lunged, reaching for it, but she snatched it away too quickly.

“Come on, Mike, you’ve gotta have something interesting in your life, how’s my dad?”

“Uncle Henry’s doing fine.” He answered as he continued to chase her around, “Give it back Charlie!”

“What pictures do you have? Aw, is that your dog?” Charlie pulled up a picture.

“No, it’s Jeremy’s! Now give it back!”

“What’s its name?” She asked.

Michael looked over at Elizabeth and exaggeratedly gestured at Charlie, but she just laughed at him.

“She missed messing with you, this is your own fault.” She said.

“She’s right, messing with Evan isn’t as fun. He doesn’t get mad like you do.” Charlie said.

Michael scowled at her, but he couldn’t deny that it made him feel a lot better though.

When Gregory and Evan returned, Michael offered a smile and a small wave at Evan, that his brother slowly returned.

Evan was pale, but Michael didn’t mention it; He probably was too. Although that could just be from sitting out in the snow for half an hour.

He was still a bit upset about that.

Elizabeth invited him to sit beside her, which ended up sticking him right beside Evan, who had Gregory on his other side, who had Sammy next to him, and then Charlie beside him, and then it came full circle back to Elizabeth.

Great, cool, cool cool cool cool cool. This could go one of two ways:

One, it goes horrible and awful and everything that could go wrong does go wrong.

Or two, it goes fine and Michael’s overreacting.

But he could tell Evan was uncomfortable, and the tension was uncomfortable for him as well.

He took a breath before standing abruptly, “Actually, I ate at home and I could totally just grab a hotel or something so I’m gonna-”

“You’re not leaving.” Evan said.

Michael turned to him, “I’m sorry what?”

Evan shrunk back, “I-I just mean- you can stay here. Uhm… Unless you really don’t want to which is fine but you know you should stay here with us because it’ll make it easier and honestly who sleeps in a hotel on Christmas Eve I mean-”

“Okay! Okay. That- we can do that, that’s fine.” Michael said. He sat back down slowly, staring hard at his plate.

“And I can tell you didn’t eat at home.” Evan said, “I don’t like that you’re lying to me.”

Michael doesn’t reply to that, shrugging.

Evan’s eyebrows furrow, but he doesn’t say anything else. Gregory leans in next to him and whispers something, though.

So it went bad. Not awful, but bad. Michael didn’t eat much, but the food was good. Henry knew how to cook, and it seemed like he’d taught the twins how to cook as well.

Elizabeth leans back in her chair, “So, now that we’ve invited Michael, who wants to send a call to dear old dad? I have his number.”

Evan groans, “Not again with this…”

“Please, please Evan it would be so funny please.” Gregory shot up in his chair, “Please you didn’t let me do it to Michael let me do it to your dad.”

“Do what to Michael?” Michael asked.

“They wanted me to prank call you guys and send you random shit. Gregory, my dad will find and kill us all. I hope you know that.”

Prank call his dad? Prank call the William Afton?

“No wait I like this idea, Ev, we should do it one hundred percent.” Michael said.

“See? He agrees.” Elizabeth said.

Evan rolled his eyes, “You guys are the worst.”

“We’re the best actually.” Charlie said, “And it’s uhhhh… five against one.”

Evan sighed, “Do what you want. I need to set up our room anyway.”

Charlie cheered.

“I actually think I’m still in his contacts.” Michael said, “He keeps texting me, I don’t read 'em though.” He didn’t tell them that he repeatedly hesitated and refused to block his dad for a reason he himself couldn’t fathom. But to be fair, Lizzie hadn’t blocked him either. In fact, she still messaged him back sometimes. Even if the conversations weren’t friendly, he couldn’t imagine talking to his dad ever again, he didn’t know how she did it.

“And we don’t wanna start today, let’s use Charlie’s phone.” Sammy said.

They spent the night sending random images to William until he blocked them, and then they went on to relentlessly call Jeremy, who had apparently been asleep, before they went on to call Gregory, and stayed on call with him while he and Evan set up.

It was weird how normal this was. It was weird how quickly it had become just spending Christmas together instead of unloading 15 years of bullying and 21 years of loathing.

But then again, they were the Afton family, pretending to be normal was their whole thing. They did it for the first eighteen years of Michael’s life.

But he could sit back and enjoy this before the incredibly uncomfortable conversation that was inevitable. If him and Evan would quit avoiding it.

Gregory then came in to let them know the room was ready.

Sitting down in Evan’s house was one thing. Sleeping in it was a whole other thing. He felt like a teen again, when his dad was in the hospital for one of his springlock accidents and Michael had to stay with Henry while he was gone. That had sucked. His dad hadn’t wanted to bring him over Henry’s house, so he hardly knew Charlie and Sammy, and because of that he’d felt so out of place in their house. Not to mention his siblings were there, and by then he was sick to death of them.

Thinking back on it, he did have a lot of issues as a kid. Maybe he still had them. Who was he to dwell on it, though.

Michael Afton has issues, like that’s news.

This time he made a point to sit beside Elizabeth. She wasn’t the best choice, but she was the only one who still messaged him. Despite how she acted, she always wanted a family. But she got the Aftons, which is more like a classification than a family.

She gave him a disappointed look, but he ignored it.

The decorations in the room were really cool. They had lights strung up on the walls and they’d put up blankets to hang over them, as well as covering up the window. The floor was layered with blankets and pillows, and Michael noticed it looked like a nest.

He had taught Evan how to make nest-like pillow forts when he was only four. Michael had been seven, and hadn’t even been good at teaching, but Evan had really enjoyed it. Michael hadn’t enjoyed teaching him, but it kept the kid quiet and that’s all he’d needed. But this fort was obviously not a product of his teaching, since it was unlikely Evan remembered that.

Weird that he’d remember that. It felt like a karmic “fuck you” from the universe.

Evan was really enjoying this. He didn’t feel as anxious anymore, and it felt almost normal. He had been preoccupied with everything else to think about The Thing and it made him feel a lot better about it. He was also proud of the pillow fort, which Gregory had helped with a lot. They’d had it planned for a while, and he was glad it turned out so well.

Good food, good bed, good friends, and so far no issues with Michael. None that he wanted to talk about yet, at least.

This was a good day! A great day! And hopefully a great Christmas day would follow!

He was quick to pull his friends into it and talk to them about it. He loved how cozy it looked. Like a shiny little nest. It was awesome and he loved it so much.

“Wait. Wait! I need my camera!” He went out to the kitchen, “Gregory? Do you know where I put my camera?”

“I put it in the end table drawer! The bottom one, next to the couch!” Gregory called back.

“Awesome. Thank you!” He grabbed it and ran back into the room, “Mike get in the back you’re the tallest, Gregory and Charlie, I need you guys up front. Elizabeth, get closer to Mike, come on. Sammy, you’re perfect there don’t move. It’s on a ten second timer so hold that for a moment!”

He ran over to them, positioning himself beside Michael and behind Gregory.

He went to grab his camera when it was done, smiling at the picture, “It looks awesome, I can’t wait to print it.” He said.

The others crowded over to see.

“You’re pretty good at sitting still and looking pretty.” Charlie teased Michael, “It’s your one redeeming quality.”

Michael shoved her face away with his hand, “Oh piss off.”

“He said the thing again!” Sammy cheered, “He said it earlier too. I feel like I’m in England every time I talk to him.”

“Did I tell you guys about that time Evan screamed ‘you cunt’ at the top of his lungs?” Gregory said.

“No! No! You promised you wouldn’t tell them about that!” Evan wails, grabbing Gregory’s arm.

“He was playing a racing game or something and he just lost big time. Huge time. Horribly. Awful. It was embarrassing.”

“Gregory!”

“And he just shouted at the top of his lungs. In the most British I’ve ever heard him, it was insane.” Gregory continues, “He had to apologize to our neighbors. It was hilarious.”

Evan covered his face, “It was awful, I felt so bad.” He groaned.

Michael chuckled, “That’s funny, Lizzie was always the one who used British slang. She got it from our father.”

Elizabeth shoved him playfully, “Okay Mr. I-Say-Bloody-Hell-And-Piss-Off-Every-Five-Seconds.”

“Pi- leave me alone!” Michael said indignantly.

“He almost said it again!” Charlie said, laughing.

“Jeez, you people are impossible.” He said.

At that moment, his phone rang. “Oh, shit, it’s Jeremy. I’ll be right back!”

Evan watched Michael leave, his head tilted slightly to the side.

Gregory nudged him, “Feel better?”

“A bit… Thanks.” He answered.

Gregory smiled, “I told you it’d be okay.”

Evan nodded, “I’m stressing out a bit still but I do feel better. Maybe I was just overreacting.”

“Mike is being super weird though.” Elizabeth said, “He’s not usually like this with his friends.”

“Well duh,” Charlie said, “he’s overthinking just as much as Evan is. He’s just shit at hiding it because he’s not a ball of fear and sadness the way Evan is.”

Evan frowned, “Well I wish he’d just act normal. I don’t like that he keeps lying to me. He makes everything harder than it has to be.”

Charlie hummed, “He’s just scared. Like a little animal in the woods.”

Evan couldn’t stop his sudden and loud laughter at that.

But he did feel angry. He wasn’t going to say it, he wasn’t sure he was ready to say it, but he felt it. Michael wasn’t even trying.

“I’m gonna use the bathroom real quick.” He told Gregory.

Michael knew the call wasn’t Jeremy. He also knew it would end long before he wanted it to. It’d been one of his friends from middle school, and they had hung up several minutes ago. But he liked the silence while it lasted.

“So, you’re avoiding me?” Evan asked from directly beside him.

Michael jumped with a shout, nearly falling off the couch.

“Jesus Christ, Evan!” He gasped, “Don’t do that!”

Evan didn’t react, “Whatcha doin’?”

“Sitting… on the couch?”

Evan’s eyebrows furrowed. He looked like Dad when he did that.

“No, actually,” he said, “you’re being a bum. Alone on Christmas? Come on, we’re heading to bed now.”

Michael nodded, “Yeah, okay.”

They spent the night doing random things. Charlie told some scary stories, they watched a movie, Michael showed them his playing card collection and Evan beat Gregory at war at least ten times, and Elizabeth got a whole console out and they played a few different games.

Of course, the tension did not leave. Everytime he accidentally bumped into Evan or one of them said something a little too… Iffy… it only got thicker.

When he looked over at his little brother, he noticed he was asleep. Him and everyone else.

Well, except for one.

“Can’t sleep?” Gregory asked.

Michael shrugged, “Who can sleep on Christmas Eve?”

Gregory eyed the others, “Them, apparently.”

Michael chuckled, “Yeah, I guess so.” He said.

They fell silent, and Michael laid down on his back, staring at the blankets hung above him.

“You know I don’t want you here, right?”

“Yeah. I know.”

“But he does. Don’t ruin that for him. Or Elizabeth. She said she’s been trying to get you to come over for Christmas.”

Michael stares at him, “I don’t talk to her a lot, I thought she was just being nice.”

“She was.” Gregory said, “I don’t doubt she was. But she still likes talking to you. I don’t know, don’t you think maybe she actually cared if she asked every year?”

Michael scoffed, “I told her every year that I spend my Christmas with Jeremy. Or Henry.”

“Speaking of Henry, what’s he doing for Christmas if Charlie and Sammy aren’t there?”

Gregory sat up, “Charlie said He remarried or something.”

“Really?” Michael said, “That’s… He didn’t tell me that…”

“I might be wrong but that’s what I heard.”

“Hm.”

Gregory looked over at him, “You’re kind of a loser, you know that?”

Michael stared at him for a moment before he burst out laughing.

Gregory shushed him, “You’re gonna wake them up, shut your mouth!” He hissed.

Michael flopped over on his back, still laughing, though he tried to keep quiet, “You are incredibly blunt.”

“Well, to be fair, I don’t particularly like you very much,” Gregory said.

“I can tell.”

When Gregory heard him go quiet, he glanced over his shoulder.

“Lightweight.”

Evan woke up with a pillow being chucked at his face the moment he sat up.

So he stayed down.

But he could hear Charlie and Michael laughing.

Michael sounded like he’d been doing this for a while, and Charlie kept squealing. The noise was quickly giving him a headache, but it made him feel better about the day, and that’s all he needed anyways.

The day?

Holy shit it’s Christmas.

Evan bolted upright, “It’s Christmas.”

Gregory laughed, “Yeah, it is.”

Elizabeth threw herself on Evan and pulled him into a hug, “Morning sleepyhead!” She said, “You’re the last one to wake up.”

“We’ve been waiting forever.” Sammy groaned, “So I started chucking pillows at you and seeing if you’d wake up.”

“I told him not to.” Gregory said.

Evan smiled, “You guys are amusing. Has anyone made breakfast?”

Charlie points at Michael, “I told him to.”

Michael pushes her finger away from his face, “And I told her that I have not cooked something edible since I was 15.”

Elizabeth shuddered, “That lasagna was not edible.”

“Har har har.” Michael muttered, “at least I tried.”

Charlie sat up, “Me and Sammy made dinner, it’s someone else’s turn.”

“I vote Greg does it.” Sammy said.

“What? Why me?” Gregory whined, “I always do it!”

“I’ll make it.” Evan said.

“I’ll come help.” Elizabeth jumped to her feet.

She grabbed Michael’s arm, “I’ll show you what edible actually means.”

Charlie waved Michael goodbye with a smirk on her face as he scowled.

Evan took out the stupid cinnamon rolls in the weird circle can thingy? He didn’t know anything about them but they were good so who cares.

Michael frowned, “This is breakfast?”

“You look like you live off ramen noodles, shut up and enjoy Christmas dinner as it should be.” Evan said.

Michael blinked a few times.

“… You don’t… You don’t actually live off noodles, do you?”

“…”

So Evan learned several unpleasant things about Michael’s eating habits.

But so far, so good. He’d only felt soul crushing anxiety twice since Michael got here!

So… Good?

He wasn’t sure but it wasn’t bad so that had to mean something.

Despite joking around, Evan was a bit irritated. Michael was still being weird and it didn’t help that Elizabeth clearly didn’t understand the tension.

“You two are too quiet, come on, it’s Christmas.” She said, “Loosen up!”

“I’m just tired, Liz.” Evan said.

She flicked his forehead, earning a yelp from Evan.

“Well, don’t be, it’s Christmas!”

He didn’t like how much this reminded him of home. He didn’t like that this reminded him of his sister avoiding and ignoring his problems or his brother never listening to him.

They were all so different, but some things never change.

Unpleasantly, his mind drifted to his dad. But he pushed those thoughts away. He didn’t know why he always thought of his dad when he talked to his siblings.

“Evan, it’s done.” Elizabeth said, “Do you wanna frost it?”

Evan nodded, “While they’re still hot.”

She smiled at him, “Then we can open gifts? You’re gonna love what I got you, I promise.”

No, his siblings were nothing like his dad. No doubt they have pieces of him in them—No doubt Evan did too—But they were not him.

Maybe he could learn to live with those pieces. He’d done it with Elizabeth.

But it was just so much harder with Michael. Even now, when they were laughing and pretending to be okay, he felt dissatisfied. He wanted more than this, he wanted reassurance that his brother actually wanted to change and didn’t just feel bad. What if Michael was doing this for himself? To make himself feel less guilty? Less at fault?

As cruel as it sounded in his head, he found himself regretting giving Michael this chance. He didn’t deserve closure, not when it had taken Evan over a decade to get his own closure. He knew Michael was trying, but why did he get to decide when this change of heart came along? Why did he get to decide when this ended?

He settled in his seat beside Gregory, who was talking to Charlie and Sammy. Elizabeth was quietly talking to Michael, and Evan stayed quiet. He had things to think over. A lot.

When they finished, Charlie and Elizabeth practically dragged him to the tree.

Michael hung back, and Evan felt a twinge of… Something. Sadness? Anger? He didn’t know. But it was something.

Elizabeth insisted he opened hers first, so he did. It was a camera. Except it was yellow and had little bear ears and…

“It’s Fredbear!” He exclaimed, “It’s so cute! Oh my god, Lizzie, this must have taken forever!”

“Charlie helped with it,” She said.

He looked it over, “And it’s brand new… Smile!” He pointed it at Elizabeth and Charlie, snapping a photo quickly, “Oh my god, I love it, Liz.”

She grinned, “I knew you would.”

Gregory smiled at Evan, pushing a small box closer to him.

Evan unwrapped it slowly, before slamming it down and giving Gregory a playfully harsh look, “You did not.”

Gregory laughed, “I really did.”

He held up the sweater, “This is so dumb I’m gonna wear it for the rest of my life.”

The sweater was black with a skull on it, but it was sporadically decorated with random Christmas things. It looked so strange and out of place and he loved it.

Of course he got Gregory an equally ugly sweater, one with flowers on it, but the middle of the flower was replaced with Glamrock Freddy, one of the characters made for Fazbear Entertainment after his father had sold it off in response to the horror rumors about it.

Evan knew they weren’t true, but they still made his skin crawl sometimes.

Sammy bought him a crochet kit, with a bunch of colors for him and Gregory to mess with. He must have remembered Evan mentioning that he wanted to pick it up as a hobby.

They continued exchanging gifts, and Michael was quiet for the most part, as if he was dreading something, which Evan found amusing; of course he was nervous, he’d had one day to find thoughtful gifts for people he hardly spoke to.

Suddenly, just as Evan was going to stand, Michael tossed something to him, and he jumped in surprise.

“I didn’t know what to get you, to be honest. I, uhm, I hope this isn’t a shitty gift…” Michael said, “I also hope it doesn’t like… ruin your day… it’s a hit or miss, so I’m taking a shot.”

Evan blinks a few times, “Alright…”

He carefully unwraps the gift, gasping softly when he sees it fully.

The fur is worn, and the stitches are messy—the handiwork of his uncle, no doubt—and one of the ears has a hole in it, but there’s no mistaking it.

It was Fredbear.

The original plushie.

The one he hadn’t seen since he moved out of his dad’s house.

He’d had another, one that Gregory’s dad had made for him, but it’d never been quite the same. It also didn’t talk to him.

… Well maybe that was a good thing.

He didn’t take his eyes off it as he spoke softly, “Where… did you get this?”

“Dad sent it to me since he didn’t have contact with you. He didn’t give me a chance to say I didn’t either. Henry patched it up and it’s just been collecting dust for the past few months.”

He stared at it. It reminded him of a lot of things. The animatronics on stage that terrified him, being bullied, his nightmares, his dad, The Thing, meeting Gregory, that day he broke his ankle, that time Mike almost hit him with his car his first time driving it, when he spent that first night with Gregory, and so many other things.

“Huh…” He said.

“Is it… a good gift…?”

“Yeah, yeah I missed him.” He said, “Thank you.”

Michael smiled.

Elizabeth stood up, “Well, that was sweet,” she said, “let’s get this picked up now.”

They all groaned, and Lizzie clicked her tongue, “Come on, guys, this isn’t our house, we can’t trash it and leave.”

So they picked up. It wasn’t hard, but at some point Charlie bumped into Elizabeth, who playfully pushed her away, and then that ended with the two of them wrestling each other to the ground. Sammy jumped in and for a moment Evan thought Gregory would too, but he didn’t.

So the two of them just continued cleaning while Charlie squealed. And he glanced over at Michael.

He was picking up alongside them, and Evan couldn’t stop himself from laughing a bit.

Michael frowned, “What? What am I doing?”

“Nothing, nothing, it’s just funny that you’re cleaning. We were lucky if Dad got you to pick up a sock, much less your room, much less Henry’s house.”

Michael scoffed, but didn’t say anything.

Thanks for participating in the conversation, I’m glad we’re talking. Evan thought sarcastically.

Gregory looked like he wanted to say something, but he bit his tongue when Evan gave him a look.

“No fighting, I know,” He muttered.

God this sucked a lot.

Michael didn’t know what to say. And he was annoyed that Evan would bring that up. He got so much shit from his dad for not picking up his room, but he could never bring himself to care. He’d hated that house, he’d hated his dad, he’d hated his siblings, and god he’d hated his little brother.

Not that he knew exactly why, though.

His thoughts were interrupted by Elizabeth grabbing his arm, “It snowed last night, do you guys still get snow over in Utah?”

“What? Of course we do!” He said, “Why wouldn’t we?”

“I don’t know, you seem so grumpy I thought you must have never experienced a good thing in your life.” She said.

Evan winced and Michael frowned, “I’m not grumpy.” He said.

“Sure, as if you haven’t been moping around. You know, if you were just going to sulk this whole time you shouldn’t have come,” Elizabeth crossed her arms, “Nobody forced you to come, but you’re acting like this is the worst place to be right now.”

“I’m just… nervous…” He said slowly.

“Nervous? About what? You came because you wanted to see us, didn’t you?” She challenged, “You’re just being dodgy today, I don’t know. You just nudged gifts to us and mumbled ‘thank you’ and hung back, why aren’t you at least trying to participate?”

“I am trying! I’m just not feeling it, okay? Why do you even care, you’re not the one who invited me!”

Elizabeth scoffed, “I invite you every year and every year you shut me down, but not Evan? Is this even about him? Because it feels like it’s about you!”

Michael stared at her, “I’m trying my best!”

“Avoiding us is your best!?”

He fell silent. One look at Evan and Gregory told him they had been thinking the same things.

Goddammit.

He really had been neglecting his sister, hadn’t he? It’s not that he meant to, it’s just that he didn’t know how to talk to her. Her life fell apart pretty quickly once their father��s parenting… declined… but even then she still reached out to their father. Whether she actually thought he could change or if she was just doing it for herself, though, he had no idea.

He was trying to settle these things one at a time! why did he have to fuck up with both his siblings?

“She’s not wrong.” Gregory said, “You’ve been weird lately, and it’d be much easier for everyone if you just… I don’t know… talked? You’re not getting anywhere sneaking around like a dog.”

Michael felt his anger spark at that, “I’m not sneaking around! And don’t call me a dog!”

Elizabeth clenched her fists, “Well if you were really here to make amends, you’d put some effort in, but instead this feels more like a shitty way of getting closure and making yourself feel better-”

Evan stepped forward then, “Okay, that’s enough!”

“-And maybe if you hadn’t almost killed Evan he wouldn’t hate you so much!”

The whole room fell silent.

Evan stared at her, “Elizabeth…”

“It’s true!” She said, “It’s true! He’s always done this! You just avoid us, you shut us out, like that will help, and then you come crawling back for forgiveness so you don’t feel like shit about it!”

“Elizabeth!” Evan shouted.

She turned to look at Evan, and they locked eyes for a moment. She sighed, “I’m going… To go to the gas station for a bit. Call me if you need me.”

Michael watched her go, silent. His gut was twisting and he felt sick.

He was a shitty brother all around, wasn’t he?

He couldn’t even get his sister to like him. Not that he’d tried very hard. Elizabeth made herself feel untouchable. She avoided her brothers because she didn’t want to be caught in the middle of whatever they were doing. She hadn’t been talking about Evan, not entirely. She was probably lonely, he realized.

He looked at Evan, “I didn’t… I’m… I’m sorry…”

Evan stared at him, “Do you want to talk about It? Now?”

Michael laughed, but it was dry and humorless, “No, but I’m willing to, if you want to.”

“We’ll leave you guys alone.” Charlie said, grabbing Gregory and Sammy and pulling them away.

“Liz is right, you’re not really proving anything other than the fact that you feel bad. Which is… It’s annoying.” Evan said, “I know you feel bad, I’ve known that since I got out of the hospital when I was ten, Mike. I don’t need to know you feel bad, I need to know you care and want to make an effort to change.”

“Well, I am trying I just-”

“Don’t know how?”

Michael looked up at him.

“...Yeah.” He said softly, “I don’t know what to do, I hardly know you guys anymore.”

Evan sat down beside him, “None of us do, it took Elizabeth years to even look at me, and even longer for us to finally start actually talking. There’s a lot of things we can’t fix. Elizabeth will always be blunt, that will never change. It’s something she got from Dad. She can’t help that, but she can make it better.” He looked up at Michael, “And I think you can, too. If you just talk to me, but you won’t. And that’s making it hard. I don’t want to push you or bother you but I really really need to just… understand this.”

“So… About The Thing…”

“Yeah, The Thing. Me almost dying, you putting my head into heavy machinery? That Thing?”

“Yeah.”

“I… I still have the scar, you know? It healed over pretty well though, head wounds do that. But I still dream of it, you know. Do you have nightmares?”

“Of seeing my little brother’s head get crushed like a grape? Yeah,” He took a deep breath, “Hard to forget that when I spent at least five minutes staring at it.”

Evan stares at the floor, “... I don’t even remember when it happened. I didn’t feel it at all. Not until I woke up, at least.”

He takes a deep breath, “I… Can I just ask you why?”

“What?”

“Why did you do all that? Why did you treat me like that?”

Michael fell silent. He never talked about the why. It’s not that he didn’t know. He knew. He had known since he started, since he watched his brother’s skull get crunched in front of him.

“I thought it was funny,” He said, “I didn’t like that Dad did all that shit to me. He obviously enjoyed it, and I enjoyed doing it to you. Some kind of fucked up stress relief, I guess.”

Evan stares at him, looking hurt, “That’s brutally honest.”

“You said you didn’t want me to lie to you.”

Evan nodded, “Yeah.”

They sat in silence for a bit, before Evan spoke.

“I don’t know if I want to forgive you or not,” He said, “It’s not that… It’s not that I don’t think you’ve changed but… I still have nightmares. I still remember these things that happened to me and they… they suck. But sometimes I feel like a jerk because I know you’re trying and I know you don’t get why this is so hard for me but… But I really hate you. I hate that you are here for closure, I hate that you are here at all. But I invited you.”

“I think I do get it.” Michael said.

“Hm?”

“I… I haven’t blocked Dad yet, did you know that?”

“Really? I blocked him the day I moved out.” Evan said.

“I keep not wanting to. I keep thinking, ‘what if something happens? What if I need to talk to him?’ even though I know that’ll probably never happen.”

“So I guess I can get where you’re coming from. In a weird twisted way, you know? I don’t know how to cut him off, but I don’t know how to talk to him. It’s like there’s a door open in front of me and I’m too scared to walk through it but what if I close it and it locks? What if there was something good in there?”

Evan doesn’t take his eyes off Michael, before he says, “Give me your phone.”

Michael blinks at him, tilting his head, but he slowly hands Evan his phone, “What’re you doing?”

“Blocking Dad.”

“What!? Did you not hear anything I just said?” He reached for his phone, but Evan was quicker and pulled away from him.

“There’s nothing behind that door, Michael.” He says, startling Michael with his intensity, “Nothing that you want or need. You left that room forever ago and you deserve to stay out of it for the rest of your life. You and Liz.”

Michael watched him and his hand dropped back to his side.

Maybe Evan was right. Maybe there was nothing behind that door. Maybe he was just wishing there had been something in that room. It’s like he was closing and opening it in hopes for something new.

“...Thanks.”

“Always available for cutting off shitty family members. I’m incredibly good at it.”

Michael laughed, “... Yeah… you are.”

Evan stood up, “I think that’s enough for now, I don’t know if I forgive you, honestly.”

Michael shrugs, “Eh, that’s not the most of my worries,” He says, “I guess this was something of a test run?”

“If it was, I think it turned out okay.”

When Elizabeth got back, Michael took her aside to talk to her. Evan didn’t listen in, but he knew what they were talking about, and he did indeed see them hug tightly. It wasn’t Evan’s business. He left it alone.

So things weren’t fixed. But they were better. They had wrapped old wounds. Nothing was healed, but they weren’t bleeding anymore, and that was good.

The rest of the day was fun. Elizabeth insisted Michael stayed, but he had to go home eventually, and there was a mutual understanding that he needed some time alone after all that. It was overwhelming, and Evan was definitely done with seeing his family for a bit. They weren’t friends, but it was something.

He watched Michael walk outside, where Jeremy had come to pick him up.

“Hey, Mike?” He called.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for coming.”

Michael smiled at him, “Thanks for letting me.”

Not forgiveness, and in the end he would always prefer the family he’d made for himself, but otherwise this went well.

That being said, he was never inviting that many people over for Christmas again. He should’ve gotten them together for Thanksgiving instead.

Gregory pulled Evan back inside, “Dude, it’s freezing, come inside.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Gregory looked inside, “This place is a mess. What happened to ‘we can’t make a mess and leave it’?”

Evan laughed.

#im participating in the thawing of Mariah Carrey and I'm not sorry #Christmas #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #my writing #michael afton #evan afton #no specific au #elizabeth afton #charlie emily #sammy emily #gregory fnaf #really hope u guys like this i spent forever on it #no beta reader bc im impatient #some of the characterization might get choppy but to be honest i really really enjoyed writing this #afton brothers #flashlight duo

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star-girl69 · 2 years ago

Text

Dark But Just a Game

Lottie Matthews x Natalie Scatorccio x Fem!Reader

—-

sypnosis: A former Yellowjacket with a vendetta against the team and anyone associated with them targets you during gym class dodgeball. Your girlfriends take their revenge.

a/n: this literally sucks but oh well i hope you all enjoy!!

warnings: CRINGEY AS HELL, literal assault lol, swearing, injury, tell me if i missed anything!!

—-

You have spent far too much time in the Wiskayok gym.

You’re there for every girls soccer practice, every pep rally and assembly, and they still force you to play dodgeball in this poorly lit, sweaty place.

Soon, the walls are going to start greeting you.

You look towards Laura Lee, smiling, watching as she rolls her eyes.

“I didn’t mean to get out!” you shout, knowing you had every opportunity to move before the ball hit your leg.

“Sure,” she smiles, having more integrity than you, and you make your way over to the bleachers.

While you’re not a member of the star soccer team, Lottie and Nat are on it, and most of your friends are- so you feel a duty to come as much as you can.

You enjoy watching them run around, groaning and shouting, and you like driving home with Lottie and Nat each night, stopping at the trailer park parking lot to smoke whatever Natalie had brought today, watching her walk to her house, and Lottie’s hand on your thigh for the rest of the drive.

All of your lives were so intwined that you couldn’t imagine anything different. You would have to take the bus without Lottie. You would get home earlier if you didn’t stay for their practice. Your entire life would be uprooted.

You lean back into the metal and tap your fingers against it, watching Laura Lee dodge whatever’s coming at her only to shoot them right back. You silently cheer her on until Marsha, a former Yellowjacket, finally got her out.

She didn’t seem to mind. And you didn’t either, not until you noticed the way Laura Lee was limping over to you, and the way her thigh had turned red with the imprint of the rubber ball.

“Oh my gosh,” you breathe as she sits down next to you. She pulls up the end of your shorts so you can both see it. “Oh, Laura Lee,” you murmur, staring at the red skin.

You glare over towards the other team, where Marsha sends the two of you a glare.

“Oh, she’s just so damn bitter, isn’t she?” you huff.

Laura Lee seems a little guilty when she nods.

“I prayed for her to get her grades up!” she says like she’s explaining it straight to God.

Marsha had gotten kicked off the team months ago because her grades were so poor. You faintly remember Jackie even giving her the copied answers for their French class, but still. And to this day, she hates every Yellowjacket. And you, by extension.

You sigh and turn back to Laura Lee.

“Does it hurt bad? Wanna go to the nurse?”

“No,” she says, kicking her feet. “It doesn’t hurt bad.”

“You sure?” you ask, but when you look back down at her leg, the redness has already started to fade- if only slightly. “Oh, well, okay,” you mumble.

The first game ends, and the teacher blows his whistle, so you both stand up, whispering about how Micheal was so rude to Mrs. Stock second period.

Everyone goes to the opposite sides of the gym. Another sharp whistle, and everyone takes off for the balls lined up in the middle. You and Laura Lee stay behind, walking slowly, still finishing up your conversation.

You look away from the court, watching as Laura Lee walks away to pick up a ball.

“I couldn’t believe that he said that, you know? I mean, he has to have a little respect, right?”

Laura Lee straightens and shakes her head. “And he goes to church every Sunday.”

She looks up at you. “Y/N!” she shouts, dropping the ball, pointing towards something in front of you, and you turn to see it, something slamming into your face.

You hear this horrible, stomach-churning crack, then quick build up of pressure, and then a swift release as blood start pouring from your nose.

Yours and Laura Lee’s screams melt into one.

—-

“I have a really bad headache.”

“And I have a really bad stomachache. Can I just lay down for a few minutes?”

“Yeah, and can I get some ice?”

You can hear their voices, and you almost want to cry more. Your nose aches horribly, the ice doing nothing to help you, but at least keeping your head tilted back like this has stopped the bleeding. It’s still sticky and half-dried, running down your chest and shirt, mixing with your salty tears.

“Sure,” the nurse says. “I just have to go to the staff room, we’re out of ice in here unfortunately. Sit in those two beds. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Oh, thank you so much,” Lottie says.

“Mhm. Mhm, thank you,” Natalie says.

You can hear the nurse’s footsteps fade away.

“Natalie? Lottie?” you ask, sure it’s them, but just wanting to hear their voices more.

“Hey,” Nat says, leaning over you, brushing hair from your face. Lottie grabs your free hand and smiles softly.

“My nose really fucking hurts,” you whisper, laughing slightly, tears rolling down your face.

“C’mere,” Natalie says, her hand cupping yours, helping you pull the ice away from your face. “You’re alright- oh, Jesus fucking Christ.”

Your eyes widen.

“Is it that bad?” you ask, wincing at the air hitting your nose. Nat’s eyes widen, and she grimaces, trying to be good to you, but you can feel it.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Lottie coos, her thumb brushing against the back of your palm.

You take a deep breath, Natalie pressing the ice back to your face, and you just stare at the ceiling, trying not to cry more.

“It was fuckin’ Marsha,” you say after a moment. You had understood her anger before, but after this you just feel bitter resentment and… rage towards her.

What have you done to her besides date two Yellowjackets?

“God, I can’t believe her,” you continue, sniffling.

“Hold on, what?” Nat asks. Your look towards her, her brows furrowed together, her jaw clenched. “It was fuckin’ Marsha?”

“Marsha.” Lottie hisses, her usually kind and sweet voice filled with such violence.

“She’s gonna look like a marsh when I’m done with her.”

You laugh, and even Natalie and Lottie smile a bit, even though all of you know a part of Nat is serious.

“Okay,” you chuckle. “Don’t go all fuckin’ Joker on us, or whatever.” Lottie smiles against your hand as she kisses your knuckles.

Natalie just smiles softly, brushing your hair back one more time, leaning down and pressing a kiss to your forehead.

—-

Your parents graciously let you spend the next day at home, your nose still throbbing and having been reset by a doctor- you were miserable. Lottie and Nat had swung by your house on their way to school, waking you up with sweet touches and sweet words, before promising they would come after practice.

Practice ended at 5pm, and it only took about 15 minutes for them to pack up and get to your house. So, at 5:15, you had dimmed the lights in the living room, set the remote and a bowl of popcorn out on the coffee table, blankets carefully wrapped around you.

They usually just barged into your house without any warning, and this time was no different. Your face was puffy and your nose was swollen, but they still smiled so sweetly when they saw you.

Lottie threw her backpack to the floor and jumped onto your couch, wrapping her arms around your neck.

She placed her hand on your face, frowning at your nose, a scab already starting to form near the top.

“Feeling any better?” she coos, and you nod, maybe a bit too fast, just excited to spend time with them and forget about your throbbing nose and the embarrassment.

“You’re gonna give her a double broken nose jumping on her like that,” Natalie laughs, setting her backpack down much more carefully. She bends over and you look at her light grey jean shorts.

You giggle slightly.

“What the hells on your ass?”

It was dark blue, dried, obviously something that happened much earlier in the day. You imagined her sitting in history class, only for some spilled ink to be on her seat.

Lottie straightens and pulls away from you.

“You didn’t check your clothes?!” she hisses to Natalie, her mouth immediately clamping shut after she realized what she said.

“Wait, what happened today?” you ask, laughing until Natalie sits down next to you, looking a little sheepish. Your smile falls. “What?”

You’re a little scared for their answer.

Natalie and Lottie shoot each other a look.

“Well…” Lottie starts. “I may have accidentally bought a pack of balloons from the party store yesterday. And then I accidentally blew it up this morning, and accidentally put a bunch of ink from some pens in it, and I may have written something on it with Sharpie. And…. maybe I gave it to Marsha…”

“And then we accidentally walked in front of Marsha while she chased after us, and I accidentally spilled some water, and she accidentally slipped and fell on the balloon… accidentally getting ink all over herself.”

Both of them cringe and look away, waiting for your reaction.

You mouth drops open in shock.

“Some of it must have accidentally splashed on me…” Nat trails off.

Lottie hits her slightly. “Even though I told her to make sure there wasn’t any on her!”

“How am I supposed to see my ass, Lottie?”

“I-”

You start laughing like you haven’t in years. A laugh straight from your stomach, from the deepest happiest parts of you, a laugh that makes them start laughing too.

“You’re not, like, really mad at us?” Lottie whispers when you’ve all quieted down.

“Well… thanks for avenging my honor?”

Natalie chuckles and kisses your cheek. “Anytime.”

“Unrelated, but we won’t be at lunch for the next week.”

“Oh,” you hum, placing the popcorn in your lap and leaning back. “So, you totally don’t have lunch detention, right?”

“Totally,” Lottie affirms, kissing your forehead, relaxed, because she knows she can do it again and again.

—-

everything taglist:

@emilynissangtr

#lottienat x reader #lottie matthews x reader #natalie scatorccio x reader #yellowjackets x reader

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sideblogfornothing · 6 months ago

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We got a super interesting שיחה in school yesterday. They brought in an ex Muslim who converted to Judaism.

He started by telling us what his childhood was like, horrific shit let me tell you.

He explained how women are treated, and how they literally have no rights.

He explained how they would get beatings for being "disrespectful." He explained how if you were a "bad kid" like he was, you would get beaten. He said that he wanted to understand, so he would ask questions like "why do they have to pray at the mosque, why not just pray at home?" He said he got slapped for asking.

He talked about his sister, who was also disrespectful, he said that she got fed up, refused to do a chore or something and she got severely beaten. He told us how she would get beaten worse than anything we could imagine. He talked a bit more about how they treated his sister.

Then he told us how one day she convinced his brothers and father to let her get a job, (and give them all the money of course) and they let her.

One day she came back home a bit late, her brother's asked her why she was home late, and she explained how her friend took her to a shopping mall. Aperiently in Islam girls going to malls is illegal or something so they fucking killed her. (the reason was that she had supposedly dishonored the family, but omfg that's horrible.)

The guy explained how he was in his shared room with the rest of his brothers, he heard screaming, and his sister pleading for her life, and then pure silence.

He said that his brother opened the door, and before him was a gruesome sight he would never forget.

He was 9 years old or younger at the time btw.

So after that whole incident, his family decided to send him to study in a boarding school in Gaza. (I don't remember the name, I'm terrible with names.) Anyways, so he explained that he walked in and immediately he noticed that there were no tables or chairs. Later when he came to the sleeping quarters he realized there were also no beds. He inquired why, and was met with shock, confusion and some shitty explanation about how Muslims must be as close to the earth as possible or something like that.

So the way the school worked was that they study the Koran all day from 7:00 to 23:00 and then they sleep. He talked about how talking was forbidden and that you would get severely beaten at best if you were caught uttering a word. He than mentioned how he knew people who had lost their lives over a sentence.

When he was 12 and a half he was called to the principal's office, aperiently they thought he was "ready" something something that I didn't quite catch, ummm they taught them that Jews are the ultimate evil, that the greatest thing they could ever do would be to kill a Jew. Aperiently they were taught that killing a Jew would secure their place in heaven.

He explained that Muslims are willing to die to kill a Jew, cause if they die killing a Jew they are automatically going to heaven.

He said that he remembered that back home they would sometimes work with Jews, so he asked if it's ok to help a Jew. Like an elderly Jew or something. He was beaten until he couldn't walk for simply suggesting such a thing.

After that he was a bitch to the teacher again, he got beat and then they said they were sending him off. He was happy cause he thought he was being sent home, but turns out they were just sending him. To a different branch of the same school.

Once he arrived he immediately started hatching an escape plan.

He made a rule for himself that he would only ask each person 1 question.

Eventually he figured it out, hopped in a taxi or bus (I don't remember sorry) and made his way back home. The first thing he saw was his mother, who wouldn't even look at him because his brothers were nearby.

His brothers saw him, yelled at him said that he and the school would regret letting him come home ect. He said that he looked at his older brother and told him that he isn't the little 9 year old he was when they sent him off, they didn't know what he'd been through, and that he came home so he could be home and there was nothing they could do about it. And he reminded them of what they did to their sister, and said that he would tell the cops.

The brother raged something something (sorry I have a shit memory) eventually they decided to let him stay home, but he could not leave the house, and he had to do all the chores and probably something else im forgetting. They said that if he disobeyed what they did to their sister would seem miniscule in comparison to what they would do to him.

He decided that he would escape the moment he got the chance. And after 2 weeks, he got his chance. One of his brothers left the house key in his pocket, he pickpocketed him, unlocked the door in the middle of the night and ram away.

He knew that his family would be looking for him, waiting to kill him, so he hid in a graveyard for 10 days.

At some point he left to go look for scrap's, when he came across some Jew who had a baguette. He weighed his options and eventually decided that food came before the morals he's been taught.

So he approachs the Jew, and asks him if he speaks Arabic (in Arabic obviously) and the Jew says he does (In Arabic of course.) so he tells him that his brothers killed his sister, and their going to kill him too and can he pleaseee have some food.

The guy thinks he's pulling his leg, tells him to get lost something something the guy gets convinced and gives him some food and water.

Eventually (I don't remember what happened sorry) he ends up driving him to the central bus station in tel Aviv, hands him some money, and directs him to a bus, tells him to get off in Eilat, he says that what Eilat is, the guy tells him to get off where everyone gets off.

The bus was full of idf soldiers so it was very awkward and probably scarry for this guy to be on that bus.

He gets off where everyone gets off, lives on the streets for a while, until some guy who was also on the streets (they saw each other everyday,) approachs him to ask him what his deal is the guy doesn't understand Hebrew, so turns out this guy is fluent in Arabic. They talk the guy explains his deadly situation and this guy tells him that he has a brother who's could get him into a boarding school.

Now, a boarding school?! Boarding schools are awful! Remember what it was like!?? Hell no! So he obviously declines the offer, but this guy is persistent. So eventually he agrees, he goes this guy becomes like a father figure to him, reminder he's like 14-15 ish at this time.

So this guy takes him in, he's In shock, food water a roof for free??? Omg awesome! So he goes to this school, he learns Hebrew and life is good. But now his 18th birthday is approaching and he decides he wants to join the army. So he tells the guy, and other people in charge who kindly tell him can't but he explained how the more people explained why he couldn't he grew more and more convinced he could.

Eventually, this one guy in charge gets tired of this and tells him that if he can get his parents to sigh a permission slip he can. So naturally, his family will kill him if he shows up, so he tells this guy something like he should take to his parents without dying and something something he ends up being allowed to join.

Around this part we ran out of time so yeah.

I really feel like this guy's life story is important to share especially right now with everyone glorifying Islam and all that.

Islam is a religion built on murder. Kabam I'm tired sorry for the long post.

#israel #ישראלבלר #jewblr #ישראבלר #טמבלר ישראלי #jumblr #long

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brattylikestoeat · 8 months ago

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Y’all no one showed up to work last night. So imagine I get here at 2am and I’m tore the fuck up y’all, but I got here at 2am and she still here my big boss. She give me her keys, and door code (which I have my own) and left by 3am.

She talking about Mr predator will be here at 3am. I look at the schedule and he off today.

This man lied to her and said he was going to be here knowing he wasn’t.

So now I’m here with just the cleaning staff and we got people knocking at the door but I’m not letting them in cuz I’m not dealing with all these people at 4am.

They done threaten to call the Atlanta district person. I told them do what they gotta do, cuz I know it’s not gone fall on me.

This gone fall on predator and new boss. Both I want gone.

Predator made this schedule. He scheduled himself off and his lil boo that he fucking so they could both be laid up, don’t ask me how I know just know I know 👀👀👀.

So my boss text me, mind you she only been gone 75 mins. She has to be back at 830 for a conference call.

Am I going to make it worst? Absolutely gotta fan these flames cuz I want mr predator out of here. I never got over him cussing me out and I def never got over him having sex with that teen girl who ran away from home.

This happen like 4 years ago. It use to be this girl 15-17, don’t know her exact age but she was a minor and had ran away from home. She use to hang around our job for some reason, cuz the men gave her attention and a few dollars.

One day she stopped showing up and I didn’t see her for like 2 months. I saw her one day at a bus stop and asked if she was cool and how come I didn’t see her no more.

Apparently Mr predator gave her $20 and a happy meal, fucked her and told her not to come over there no more or he’ll call the police.

Now I do think part of the story is missing but he had no business treating that girl like that. Even now he’ll hit on young girls. He don’t care they age.

I say all that to say this. I’ve been praying on his downfall. But he one of those men who has charm. He literally can put a spell on women of age and older. They let him act and do what he want.

Can’t wait to see him gone.

#this girl I know who is like 17 came to my job one day to see me #I had her wait in the lobby while I grabbed something #not even 3 seconds was mr predator in her face #asking for her number saying he wanted to get her nails done #he got the playbook down pat #glad my shorty know the game cuz he wouldn’t got shot fucking with her #I don’t play that and neither do her brothers

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ohwynne · 1 year ago

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TIMING: Recent LOCATION: Where two roads meet in town PARTIES: Thea @notstinky and Wynne @ohwynne SUMMARY: Thea and Wynne crash their bikes into each other! Both are very stressed about it! Friendship is formed and Wynne learns about Glee. CONTENT WARNINGS: N/A

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Look out for the girl on the bike! Excuse me! I’m so sorry!” The air whipped through Thea’s hair, sending tendrils of black hair in every direction. She couldn’t see from in between the strands but prayed fast and wildly to any god that was both real and would listen to her. There was a fact about cheap bikes that she had forgotten: they were cheap. Prone to failure, her temp bike, meant for use while her beloved (accidentally stolen) green one was being repaired (after a similar incident to the one plaguing her today), had its brakes snap off. Literally, actually, and with a loud crunch, snap off. She was rushing downhill at a pace too fast to be safe. She had tried stopping with her feet only for her shoe to slip off and tumble up the street. Then she’d tried with the other one and gotten the same luck. So, she tried with her heel and instantly recoiled from the ripping pain that seared under her skin. Eventually, mathematically, and with sound reasoning to believe it, she would stop. She hoped she would.

“Look out! Shoeless girl on bike! Get off the sidewalk!” Thea yelled the best she could, but her voice was muffled by the wind and her hair flying into her mouth. Thea was what most people called a bore and what the rest called a nerd. She was the only adult who rode a bike around town in existence who actually wore a helmet (citations might have been needed for this fact but Thea certainly felt like she was the only one preoccupied with safety sometimes). This was because her dad told her to do it once upon a time and she had never forgotten. The most rebellious thing she’d done was forgo the knee and elbow pads.

No one would ever laugh at her again for wearing a helmet. As Thea flew through the air, like a frisbee at a dog show waiting to be caught, her helmet saved her from getting some very unflattering grass in her hair. A victory, in her books. What wasn’t a victory was the scene: her bike crunched up, tire spinning in the air, and the thing she had crashed into. The person, with their own bike. “Oh my god,” Thea looked up. She’d bit her lip on the way down and scraped up her palms and knees; she was bleeding and it stung but wasn’t anything she couldn’t recover from. “Are you okay?” She asked the other party, wobbling up to her feet.

—

A certain freedom came with having a bike. It was faster than walking, didn’t require Sully being available to carpool with them and was not as irregular as the bus. Wynne liked biking, even if it was more stressful in Wicked’s Rest than it had been back home. There, days that they’d gone biking had been few and far between, but they had happened. Their parents and brother and Wynne would take some food and cycle around the lake, have a nice meal and return home. It was one of the few ways they’d get away from the estate’s grounds and always something to look forward to.

But here, in town, there were cars and mopeds and all other kinds of things to be mindful of. Like other cyclists rushing down hills, in their direction. This was a bad combination: Wynne was lost in thought, head stuck on an annoying song that played constantly at work and mulling over what their brother might be up to and then there was the other, an object that would not be stopped. The crash brought them back to earth, in literal and physical sense: their body slammed against the concrete sideways, their bike stuck between their legs. They felt the bruise form on their knee already.

Their head spun for a moment the same way the wheel did, neither bike nor person moving forward. Wynne felt dazed, reached a hand up to their head (they got a vague look at their scraped palm and saw more blood when their fingers pulled back). “Ouch.” They pressed up, one leg still awkwardly stuck to the ground. “I – yeah.” They were in pain, and they weren’t sure what had happened, but they weren’t sure what other answer to give to that question. “Can you help with my bike? They wanted to sit, but the thing was stuck on and between them. “What happened?”

—

“Yes, yes, oh my god…” Thea scrambled to her victim’s sides The bike was stuck between their legs and it would take some twisting and lifting to pull it free. Thea hoped that with her help keeping the bike from crushing their legs, they could escape without further damage. She offered her hand out. “Are you sure you’re okay?” She asked again, she didn’t want to seem doubtful but she was staring at a bleeding palm to mirror her own scratched one. “Um, well, my brakes stopped working and then I couldn’t stop and I went right into you and…” Thea snapped her helmet off her head and threw it aside, surveying the other person and their bikes. Both of them were in need of repair. Thea really couldn’t afford her own bike repairs let alone someone else’s. “This is my fault,” she said. “I’m so sorry.” She swiped at the dibble of blood escaping the small cut under her lip.

“I will pay for everything,” Thea offered quickly, before anything else could be said about it. “I mean it! I totally messed up here and I probably damaged your bike and also you, physically, and maybe even emotionally, but uh, okay….if you need therapy after this I don’t think I can afford that so maybe we can do yoga in the park? That’s free.”

—

With the other’s hand now firmly in their grip, Wynne managed to push themself over the ground, from under the bike. Getting in a sitting position, they stared down at their jeans, at the hole on their knee and the blood slowly pooling underneath the ruined fabric. They weren’t scared of blood, weren’t scared of bleeding this little, but they still felt somewhat like crying. As if the smack on the road had scrambled their nervous system. “Yes, yes, I’m okay,” they said, pulling their leg closer to them. They had seen and felt worse than this. Wynne wasn’t going to sob over falling off their bike. Right? “It’s, no, I should have been paying more attention, you can’t help it if the brakes break. I was off in my own world, so —” They stopped staring at their bike and looked at the other. “It’s on both of us, right?” Wynne had never been very good at blaming others.

The other’s offer to pay for everything made Wynne realize that this damage had to be fixed and that included money. They hated this economy! Why couldn’t such favors be done in return for something else? They stared at their bike again, wondering if they were handy enough to fix it themself. (They were not.) “No, no, I couldn’t ask that of you,” they said, head shaking, watching the other’s bruised lip. This wasn’t some rude person who had hurt them on purpose “That’s not fair, okay? But maybe we can find a bike shop together, and maybe we should try and find some band-aids, right?” Since life had slowed down and Wynne didn’t feel like were constantly on the run, they didn’t carry everything a person could possibly need any more. “Are you okay? Your lip …”

—

Thea wasn’t sure of a lot of things: she didn’t entirely understand taxes and more than once she purchased yogurt thinking she could become the sort of person that ate yogurt and then the yogurt would go bad and she’d have to throw it out. She was sure, however, that most things were her fault: climate change (on account of all the wasted yogurt), world hunger (because of the yogurt again), and this bike accident (not because of the yogurt). Maybe this person was trying to appease her, trying to soothe the anxiety that often radiated from her like the electric buzz of an old light bulb. Maybe they were a kind person who didn’t deserve to be rammed into with a bike. Regardless, nothing worked to soothe Thea’s guilt for existing. Sorry, she wanted to say, if only she had decided to stay indoors and never go out anywhere and never do anything. Thea smiled softly, “that doesn’t change the fact that I’m the one at fault. If I hit a um…like a lamb or something…that’d totally be my fault. Not that you’re a lamb! I don’t mean that.” Thea shook her head violently, trying to reject her own awkward wording. “You’re more like a, uh, like a baby. Like what if I hit a baby? I mean, you’re not a baby—you look like a young adult—but what if I hit a baby?” The thought made her shudder.

“Not asking,” Thea squeaked. “I’m giving! If you don’t take it I’m going to be haunted by this moment and it’s going to seriously decrease my quality of sleep.” Which already wasn’t very good and, in fact, this moment would still linger in her mind anyway. “Okay,” she mumbled, she reached down and picked up the stranger’s bike; hers was probably a lost cause. “Are you good to walk? I think there’s a shop just down the…” Thea paused, raising a hand up to her lips. Red blood painted the edges of her fingers as her eyes trailed down. “And your knee,” she winced. “Are you okay?”

—

As the other stumbled over her words, Wynne blinked at them until looking back at their knee. The comparison to a lamb hit home and though there was no way the stranger could possibly know what kind of history they had with lambs and being compared to one, it still didn’t help their already frazzled state of mind. Again, they didn’t blame her: they just felt a little off because of it. “But you didn’t hit a lamb or a baby, you just hit me, and I’m okay. It’s a scratch, it will heal!” It would heal. This was nothing, this blood was nothing. They fought against their trembling lip. “And the bike is just a bike, right?” Material possessions were not the most important thing to Wynne, to whom life – and their continued presence in it – mattered most of all.

The other made it hard to reject her offer, if only because Wynne didn’t want to be responsible for ruining some else’s quality of sleep. That would seriously come to haunt them in return. “Oh. Oh, well, maybe we can see when we get to the shop, okay? It was an accident. And I wasn’t paying attention.” They needed to start paying attention. They watched the other pick up their bike and managed to push themself off the ground, despite really wanting to curl down there and just take a nap. Wynne watched the blood on the other’s face, and then the blood trickling down their leg now that gravity was more in play again. “Yes. A scratch. We will get a bandaid. And something cold for your lip. Okay? Should we get … your bike out of the road?” Just so not more people would get into accidents.

—

“But what if,” Thea argued, as if there was any real logic to it. It was always the what if’s that haunted her. What if she had hit a baby? What if she hit a baby and then the mother came out of the bushes and honked at her like the one time she got too close to a gosling (not the actor; she wished)? “The point isn’t that it heals…” Thea frowned. “It still happened. You still got hurt; that still matters and I still…” she swallowed. This person was being graceful, giving her the space to let it go. If she pushed, like putting something back into a box that was too small for it, she’d rip the edges of politeness. Thea squeezed the handlebars of the stranger’s bike. “Sorry, yeah…” She forced a smile. “You’ll heal up like it’s nothing; it’ll be okay.” But it wouldn’t, it wasn’t. The body fought to survive but the mind didn’t heal like a wound. If the stranger ever flinched the next time a bike approached too quickly, Thea would know the truth of the matter: it wouldn’t heal. Irrevocably, she has changed someone’s life for the worst. It might just have been a new instinct they gained, but wouldn’t it have been better if nothing happened at all? If Thea was better? Smarter? Kinder? Thea’s grip tightened until her knuckles turned white and her palms ached. “The bike is just a bike, yeah.”

“Huh? My bike?” Thea’s attention snapped to her mangled temporary bike— the cursed thing, the ruiner of days, the scrapper of knees. “Right, yeah.” She seethed; the damn thing and her damned stupidity. Thea set down the stranger’s bike gently, dragging hers off the street. Stupid. Horrible. Useless. Her muscles tightened and her nostrils flared. A small growl escaped her lips as she gripped her bike and spun, throwing it as far as she could. She watched it sail through the air, jaw aching and fingers twitching. As soon as the bike disappeared behind a line of bushes, her body relaxed with only a mild ache in the places a transformation threatened under her skin. “Yep!” She turned to the stranger with a cherry expression. “Let’s go now!” She picked up their bike again. “I’m Thea, by the way.” She held out her hand. “Normally I don’t crash into people.”

—

What if was a very valid question and concern, in every situation ever imaginable. Wynne couldn’t begin to think of it though, evading the what-ifs in their life as if they were marked-off areas, afraid of getting too close to the truth with their doom-thoughts. (What if leaving the commune had killed everyone? What if they were coming for them? What if?) “It didn’t happen, though. It was just me. And I will be fine. It is okay.” Worse things had happened than a split knee. Wynne wanted to live in a world where this was the worst thing that had happened to them in this past year. Where a scratched knee was worth having a mental breakdown over. But they had learned a thing or two about composure back at home, where every faltered step could be taken as a sign of doubt or failure. “Please don’t worry too much, okay? I will worry if you do, and then we will never stop worrying. And I would like to not worry for a day.” They tried to smile.

And then the other picked up her bike, as if it weighed nothing at all. Wynne didn’t fight to keep their mouth from falling open a little. There was a growl, and then a show of strength that they hadn’t sought after the other. Fair enough. Sometimes people were just very strong. Right? Their mouth remained somewhat agape, though, as they heard the bike crush a few bush branches. “Oh wow, Thea.” They were in awe, not afraid or put off — but just very much impressed. “Are you sure —” She had seemed very certain, actually, when she’d thrown the bike through the air. “I’m Wynne. I also don’t tend to get crashed into.” They shook her hand and gave another smile. “Good to meet ya.”

—

Telling Thea not to worry was a lot like telling a dog not to stare at a passing bunny. Maybe it was possible after some training and a lot of treats, but for right now, Thea was going to worry. She laughed nervously. “Yeah! Okay! No worrying!” Much like a dog would dream that night, paws twitching, imagining a world where they chased that bunny down, Thea would sleep imagining the countless worlds where Wynne was more seriously injured and one world where there was a test she had forgotten to study for, just because that one often haunted her despite its irrelevance.

“I feel really sore,” Thea confessed, rubbing her arms. She expected her muscles to ache but it was more like her bones did. Seeing Wynne’s awe instantly embarrassed her. “Maybe I shouldn’t have thrown it.” What if she hit someone? More worlds to dream about in the night. “It’s nice to meet you too!” She perked up, pushing Wynne’s bike down the sidewalk. “Do you ride around here often? I don’t think I’ve seen you here before. Um, but I do usually commute at weird hours. I’m not blessed with a Dolly Parton nine-to-five. Um, but I guess, like, in the song—um, and the movie—it was a shitty job anyway…” Thea laughed nervously again. In the disjointed year of travel and monthly carnage, she felt like she’d forgotten how conversations went. “Do you–uh–like Dolly Parton?”

—

Asking someone not to worry was an impossible request, Wynne knew that distantly, and still they had meant it fully. They didn’t want to cause worry in others, not the concern-type but not this kind, either. This sort of distress. As the other laughed nervously and exclaimed that she wouldn’t worry, they doubted if that was true, but they also weren’t sure what they could do. Wynne would go over this interaction themself, reevaluate their response and their own faults. Maybe that was human existence. “I’m sorry you feel sore. Maybe the shop has something for the pain too?”

They smiled at the returned sentiment, glad to have something to hold onto in this confusing interaction. A swap of names, a nice to meet you, nice to meet you too. Some customs didn’t die, even when bikes crashed into each other. “Oh, yes, when I go to or from my work. I don’t always bike, though, sometimes a friend gives me a ride. I …” They frown. “Don’t know what a Dolly Parton is, but I do work regular hours. Sometimes earlier, though, like from six-to-three? Or until late. I work at a Latte to Love!” Maybe that was a detail best omitted when meeting strangers, but Wynne didn’t think Thea was that bad. Maybe a bit frazzled, but so were they. “Sorry to hear your job is shitty. What do you do?”

—

Thea shook her head; she wasn’t sure if bike shops offered anything for pain but even if they did, her pain wasn’t the sort that could be solved with an Advil. “I’m alright.” She swallowed. “I’ll be alright.” If she said it enough times, it made it true. As evidenced by her daily morning mantra: I am normal and not stinky. Both things were totally true. “You don’t know who Dolly Parton is?” Thea froze, just a few steps from the fated bike shop. “You don’t…” She tried to make it make sense. Maybe she was being gatekeepy—never mind that Dolly Parton was a country legend, maybe Wynne also didn’t know Patsy Cline, Johnny Cash, Loretta Lynn, Willie Nelson, etc. etc. Maybe country music just wasn't for them; it wasn’t for most people. Thea had a broad music taste, which was a kinder way of saying she had no standards. But even if you didn’t like country music, you knew Dolly Parton. Everyone knew Dolly Parton. “Jolene, Jolene, I’m beggin’ of you please don’t take my man.” She stared at them, signing off-key. “Please don’t take him just because you can.”

Thea threw her hands up into the air, letting the bike fall before she frantically caught it again. “It’s Dolly!” she exclaimed. “Dolly! She’s got big boobs! Blonde hair? Everyone loves Dolly. I mean, maybe she’s secretly evil—I heard Jenna Ortega spits in peoples’ coffee…” Thea held up her hand. “Don’t ask; it’s a long story. I’m working on bringing the spit mafia down. It all starts with Casey. Anyway, don’t ask.” She sucked in a breath. “But Dolly? The Dolly Parton? Are you going to say you don’t know Led Zeppelin or Fleetwood Mac or Paramore?” Despite the venerated status of both Led Zeppelin and Fleetwood Mac, Thea would’ve been more offended if Wynne didn’t know Paramore, which was venerated in her heart. “Dolly Part—Oh sorry, I work as a janitor, hence the shitty, and I love a Latte to Love, great coffee.” She blinked. “Dolly Parton!”

—

They blinked at the other as she went on and on about Dolly, who Wynne was apparently seriously supposed to know. They vowed to themself to remember the name, so they could look this blonde, big-breasted woman up and listen to these songs. For now, though, their face just flushed and something trembled inside them out of embarrassment. It was all a little much! Falling off their bike, their bike being damaged, their body hurting and now, once more, falling short when it came to pop culture. “I don’t know her, I don’t … I know a blonde woman with big breasts, but she’s called Winifred, and I don’t think she makes music.” Winifred was a woman from back home, so she was definitely not the same person. “And I don’t know that song, nor Jenna Ortega, but that’s really rude! I never spit in people’s coffee and I make a lot of coffees for a lot of people. I also don’t know a Casey?”

But Thea mentioned something that they did know, so they decided to latch onto that. “I know Fleetwood Mac! With Stevie Nicks? Of that song, Silver Springs.” Ariadne had told them all about it, playing the song for them and then a video of it too. Wynne had thought it very powerful. “I love their song ‘You make loving fun’.” That one reminded them of Ariadne most, whereas Landslide made them indescribably sad. They felt less inclined to cry now that they had something to say about something they knew. That they didn’t know those other bands (or artists?) was omitted. “I will look up Dolly! Okay? I just don’t know a lot of music.” They frowned. “Because I’m Amish. Or well, was Amish. Now I’m a barista.”

—

Thea felt stupid again, she was feeling that a lot around Wynne. Of course it was stupid to insult someone for not knowing who Dolly Parton was when they were Amish. That was like growing up in a cult, or something (Thea didn’t know, she didn’t know much about the Amish except for what existed in Weird Al’s “Amish Paradise”). Although, a part of her mind did consider that even the Amish would know who Dolly Parton was. “I’m so sorry,” she squeaked, her cheeks bursting with crimson. “Y-you know Fleetwood Mac?” But not Dolly Parton? Thea pushed the doors of the bike shop open and ushered them inside, pulling the back along with them. “Silver Springs is kinda deep cut--well, not that deep, but usually people bring up ‘Songbird’ or ‘Landslide’ or ‘Dreams’ or something.” Thea considered what sort of person would know only of Fleetwood Mac and nothing else. At least it was a good band to know about. “‘You Make Loving Fun’?” Thea blinked. Something was going on here, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. “My favorite is ‘Rhiannon’--it makes me feel like the cool girl monologue in Gone Girl. You know, Santana Lopez sang ‘Songbird’ on Glee and…” Thea trailed off, clearing her throat. “Actually, it’s probably better if you never learn what Glee is.”

Thea leaned Wynne’s mangled bike up against the counter. “I’m sorry about the--the Dolly thing.” Thea stuck her hand out again. “Friends?” She smiled. “No hard, Amish feelings? I think you’re really cool and--” I need more friends. “--I’d like to be your friend. So, friends?”

—

“No, it’s okay! You couldn’t know! I don’t look Amish.” Because they weren’t Amish. Some of their dresses did look similar to the ones they’d worn at home, though, but they’d never worn those white caps. Those looked strange. “Silver Springs is my girlfriend’s favorite song. But I love those others as well. Landslide is very sad, though, right?” Wynne smiled at the mention of Rhiannon. “I love that one also! It’s about a Welsh witch. I’m also –” They stopped themself, there. The Amish weren’t Welsh, right? “Um, really fond of Songbird. I don’t know what Gone Girl is? Is it a movie?” Another thing to Google. Just like Glee. “Oh. Is Glee not good? Even if there’s Fleetwood Mac on it?” They’d have to ask Ariadne about that one too.

Wynne shook their head again. “It’s okay! Really. No hard feelings, Amish or otherwise. And I think you’re very cool too.” They shook the other’s hand. “Friends.”

#thea.#writing.#wynne learns about glee.

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disco-cola · 2 years ago

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omg i knew that randy rhoads was with ozzy osbourne and d!ed in a plane crash but i never knew the circumstances and kind of just assumed he was probably into the rock and roll lifestyle from his performances so i read up on it and apparently he was a pretty chill kid who never did drugz barely ever drank or even liked to party and collected toy trains and he was afraid of flying and didnt even plan on going up in one of these tiny airplanes with their tour bus driver who was also a private pilot but even though the dude promised to take it easy bc he was taking the 58-yr old makeup lady on the plane as well who had a weak heart so he assured to not try to do any stunts and to just fly around for a few rounds to show her the landscape so randy thought this doesnt sound bad and despite his fear he wanted to take pictures from up there to show to his mom when he got home but then the bus driver/pilot thought it would be funny to try and touch the top of the bus with the planes wheels or something to wake up the drummer who was asleep on it like most of the rest of the band but it went bad and it crashed so badly i dont even wanna describe and the keyboardist who was the only one outside who saw it happening said he saw randy and the pilot struggle in the cockpit so he may have tried to keep him from going so low because he was already scared but the driver/pilot apparently was absolutely not in a fit emotional state to operate a plane as it turned out but randy seemingly didnt know before and just trusted him and relied on his promise to take it easy also his girlfriend back home didnt even hear about what happened until she was driving in her car had the radio on and noticed several ozzy songs on air and then there was the announcement that the bands guitarist so literally her bf died and she had to pull over and couldnt keep going im literally so upset also one of his best friends from his former band quiet riot rudy sarzo was hired for that ozzy tour and before getting on that plane randy tried to convince him to come on there too but rudy decided to rather get some more sleep instead and he was extremely distraught by randys loss and after the crash the surviving members of the band were taken to a nearby hotel and he wandered off and found a church and wanted to go inside and pray for randy and the entire church was empty except for one other man hysterically crying near the altar and rudy identified with his grief but as he got closer he recognized it was ozzy just saying why over and over again and actually the last thing randy said to ozzy the night before on the bus is if you dont stop drinking youre gonna kill yourself i actually had no fucking idea how sad awful and heartbreaking that story really is and he was just 25 too

#also he had a thing with sharon when she was still just ozzys manager #honestly it makes me think of cliff bc he also wasnt even supposed to be where he was when the accident occured #and it was only due to a last minute change of events #why does fate turn against such people dude

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kingshunkawakan · 2 months ago

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Stardate 1.2.2025

Location 18:57

Time coordinates: 9736%=#([]08&$^*■◇■》}

It is with direct awareness and acknowledgement the evil aliens issued a ton of rewards for my arrest, surveillance and have directly tried to frame me, destroy my credibility, and attempted to mind manipulate me with everything they have. all the way down to using nano bug technology and up to their long distance laser satellites in super space we call it: lands far away from earth beyond James Webb science.

They have, I belive intentionally focused on me because the time of great change and disclosure is coming near.

I was aware of this potential before I incarnated here on 🌎. I just really had no clue how relentless they really are and how scared they are and would align with so many supposed allies of ours on earth as the good aliens; the reality to manage the true end of the world we have faced starting in its current phase yesterday afternoon sometime.

Humans were supposed to be allies with us good aliens, especially us Indigos indigenous to earth; who technically aren't aliens at all; duh. This was our, and is our planet way before the Egyptian Sumerian and Mayan landings. Some aliens we made friends with, others saw us as food. Hard to make friends with things that want to eat you!

I remember on this other planet once when I was told the people there would face me with hate and I found them to be very caring and loving instead once they realized I was sent there to help them by my wife who just seems to have too much love for the universe's creatures, a level I don't understand but she doesn't understand the level of my channeled love through protecting her so I imagine if I metaphorically conceptualize the amount of love she holds space wise for everything in creation except me, I would imagine God created us so she can give love to everything in the universe that needs it and I am just a cog in the plan to keep her safe. But I cannot disgust at how God made reality, I can complain and hate God for it and I do but that goes nowhere.

So I assumed when I got to that place, let's call it planet kmeticici for now, the people there were filled with such fear they were relieved the wise ones had sent such a powerful warrior and Ronan master general of protection and war such as myself that they bowed to me as this savior to fulfill their belief in their prophesies.

They all gathered and prayed to me like a god.

It'd be like showing up to a campfire with a cell phone 10k years ago, oh wow how magical.

I really didn't have anything special to offer.

They brought me everything I ever needed and more and it kept coming and we avoided the war by proving to the evil ones that they had no chance. Literally everyone was so behind me they pushed me out of the way even to face the aliens themselves with sticks and some with bare hands. I saw children at the youngest ages show me the greatest strengths I have ever witnessed. I saw the elderly in wheelchairs and without limbs or eyes with a power I have never seen in the face the most highest evil ask me to stand in front of me.

I refused. As a King I refused and I took to my horse at the time, Mr. Clear I called him back then and I rode him in front of all and I jumped off of him into the swath of dangerous evil aliens and I tore the head off their leader in a full swoop. With a strange device in my hands I clipped the last remaining chord connecting his neck and head.

It was then the evil aliens exposed they had no direction without their emperor nor their leaders who I took down one by one within the same swipe.

I watched, covered in blood as the rest of the evil aliens were slain by the people of that planet.

I was given awards. They made statues to me. They wrote stories.

I learned none of that matters at all in anyway whatsoever to me but I was grateful.

I took to the stars to return home only to have my wife upset I'd left without letting the dogs out and without feeding all the horses.

"But listen to what happened to me at work today," I said.

"I don't have time for this, I can't believe you left without feeding the horses again. I don't know what they eat. And where to take the wolves without you." - She was so mad

"But I saved that planet for you, I saved that species you wanted me to save." - I was confused at her as usual

"Listen .....," She said, "If you leave again without doing all the dishes and all the laundry and feeding all the horses and taking out all the dogs, I will not talk to your for so long." - Her face was red and steaming

I've never really understood her, but I guess that's what keeps a relationship alive.

This time when I got to earth 🌎 I found out the aliens had sent a picture of me and her to their human counterparts as part of a plan to circumvent the same situation that happened on Planet X. With new technology the evil ones predicted that if they presented themselves as Good and presented themselves as pre-emptively telling the humans that this guy, King Shunkawakan and his wife, will be the king of earth their system predicted exactly how the humans would react: They would kill him, mame him and her, destroy them at the mere thought of monarchy.

This reverse psychological plan designed by the queen mother was so ingenious and worked on earth. I'm so impressed at the intelligence the evil ones are evolving with based on experience and concurrent predictive modeling using my AI technology they copied. I never would have thought to use it that way. But like Einstein, nuclear power mad energy but also was able to destroy like the sun. My fault is being so aware of my wife all the time and her perfection I forget the depths of evil alot.

Nonetheless, the time has passed finally! I don't care what bull-crap-o-la the humans are told or think about when the world was or is going to end. Because I was the one that made the date in the first place and never shared it.

but at 1:11:11 am on 1.11.11.0.11.11111 marked the end of my work here on 🌎 officially. The last I'd was able to see my wife in this life and the last day I was going to do any work to save this place. She had agreed to it previous to my coming here.

Like all special needs people I like fantasizing about things I'll never be allowed to do like being a spy or in the military or working a real job or having money or having a family or a real wife.

So I hope when my body dies on this 🌎 I remember I did so much more than anyone will ever know and not a single statue or story or picture or memory of me or kin or wife to cry over me will exist.

That is the freedom of a true and present King.

Hopefully I can find something fun to do in my retirement while I wait for my plane to return home.

My real home, the one I secretly made for my wife as a surprise after our last one was destroyed. My construction team said it's finished now and thinks she will really like it.

And we got a new puppy btw. And some new unicorns. A few new hippopotamus and a bunch of the lions Tigers and bears and extinct animals from earth they didn't want. So I'm so excited to see how they all get on with each other in the Leo Galaxy area-ish kinda like I'd almost reveal those coordinates:)

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now-we-say-c0ral · 1 year ago

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January 7, 2024

Woke up at 9am today. Slept soundly last night but I had a hard time sleeping last night. Probably because of the coffee that I have been taking before going to the gym. Ed and I had the tuna bake that he did yesterday for breakfast today. I made some mung bean soup with the mung beans that I left soaking overnight yesterday. It tasted so fine. Everything tastes better with coconut milk.

I just played some Pokemon Unite and called mommy and Aira afterwards. It was getting colder again. Last week the temperature was around 10-12 degrees celcius but now it's dropped to 4-5 degrees. I kind of hate that.

I went to the gym and did my shoulders, lower chest, triceps, biceps, and my abs. I was there for more than 2 hours. I'm just getting my time now because I won't be going to the gym tomorrow because my body needs to rest. It's been 6 days now this week that I've been going to the gym and I have to stop overdoing it. It might not be doing me so much good. Took the bus home which took 50 minutes because of traffic to which then we had to reroute.

Ate the mung bean soup with Ed and prepared our lunch for tomorrow. We're watching Saltburn now. We're working tomorrow and there's a tube strike. I hope it won't be too busy but even that's wishful thinking. Good luck to us!

January 6, 2024

Ah, my day off! I woke up around 8:30am for some reason. It was such a lazy morning for me and I didn't want to do a thing. I got up around 10am when Ed called for breakfast. We had the pasta that I asked him to buy yesterday from PaStation because I was craving for it so badly. I had too much spicy chinese food from last night and now my butt's paying the price. I pooped like three times in the morning and my goodness I was literally praying for it to stop because my butthole hurts so much already from the spices that were put. They literally weren't kidding when they had three chilli emojies on the chicken options.

I went to the guy around 3pm and did legs and back. I planned to do my triceps but I was just too tired. It was a good session and my heart is speeding so fast in my chest I thought it was going to explode.

Went home and Ed made a tuna bake for dinner. It was so good. Just spent the night folding the laundry and just chilling. It's been a good day!

January 5, 2024

I think I've had it begging people to let me in because I lost my badge. I was assigned to do the Haemonc list in Th2 but it wasn't due to start until 9am. Went down to security and secured my temporary badge and told Raman to make me the paperwork for my badge because Elli was off sick, bless her, she works so hard.

The Haemonc list was busy because of how fast the pace was but overall it was okay. There were just a lot of crying from the parents. It didn't faze me. I probably won't understand how it would feel because I won't be a parent because I'm gay except when I decide to adopt but as of right now, I'm just not fazed at all. I'm just there to do my job as good as I can. At lunch break, I finally collected my new badge and I can get through doors on my own again thank goodness!

Went to the gym but just did 20 minutes of cardio. I didn't feel like working out at all. Just went home and just played Pokemon. Ordered some spicy chinese takeaway from Oodles and it was so good! I feel so full though. My intrusive thoughts won tonight. I was supposed to be fasting but I was hungry, too hungry, for some reason. It was an okay day for me.

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joshuasearing · 2 years ago

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Wednesday 12th April

Hey journal the past few days have been a mix of emotions. I do apologise for not writing in here the last few days. So on the 9th of april it was my 19th birthday. I started the day by going to work and doing a 6-2 so 8 hours. Work was ok however it was stress like usual. On a positive note they let me leave about 10 minutes early as they knew it was my birthday. I got picked up by my mum and Caitlin was in the car as I was going to be spending the next couple days with her. Anyways we went home and my aunty, uncle and little cousin got to my house at the same time as they were coming to see me for my birthday. Anyways when I got inside I went to pick up my little cousin as a way of saying hello to her however as I did it she balled her eyes out. So I decided to put her straight back down. Bare in mind she is only 1 years old and I do not think she knows who I even am. Anyways after this me and Caitlin went upstairs as I needed to get changed. Also when upstairs I opened my gifts that got me for my birthday. She bought me these nice white and red nike trainers that were really nice. Also her family got me a card with a 20 pound voucher for waterstones which was really nice of them to do. Also my girlfriend got me a toblorone. She also got me this customized card which was really nice for her to do. Anyways after all of this we went downstairs and spent some time with my family. When down their I opened my presents from my parents and from my aunty and uncle. Firstly my aunty and uncle got me a card with £20 pounds in which was nice. Also my mum and dad got me a couple funko pops, some money for this tattoo that I wanted to get, j20s and also some snacks which I was really grateful for. Anyways when I was opening my presents my brother was in a rush to give me my presents and wanted me to open them straight away. He was more excited for my presents then I was. Anyways after this I sat their with the family for a while and I started to feel a little overwhelmed as I already had a busy day and I had no peace at all that day. Anyways for about an hour me and Caitlin went upstairs into my room and relaxed for a bit. Then after this me, caitlin, mum. dad and Kaiden (brother) got into the car to go to spoons and all you can eat buffee. Anyways I enjoyed the buffee although I did start to feel really on edge as my intrusions were really bad and I did not really relax the whole time I was out as I felt on edge the whole time. Anyways after this we went back home and when at home I just relaxed in my room with Caitlin for the rest of the night. We watched some films and tv.

Anyways now for the next day we got up relatively late and just hugged for the first couple hours and went onto are phones. Then after a while alyssa came round mine as we were going out for birthday this day. However when she came round I needed to have a shower and to get ready so I had to be really careful that she did not end up seeing anything she would not want to see. Anyways after a while we left my house and walked to the bus stop. However we did end up getting their literally as the bus was about to get to the stop. This means I had to run to show the bus driver that we wanted the bus and I had to pray that the bus was not just going to drive off. Luckily the bus stopped. We ended up getting the bus into town. When on the bus we all realised there was this weird horrible smell on the bus and it would not go off which was not great. Anyways when on the bus we played some games of 0 or X's on the window of the bus. Once we got into town we went to maccies and I claimed myself my free cheeseburger. Then after this we went to kfc that was basically next to the maccies. In the kfc I got myself a mini wrap and added an hash brown in it as it tastes well nice in the wrap. After this we quickly looked into waterstones then went to the bus station as we were going somewhere else and was meeting up with Daniel which is my friend. Anyways we was waiting about 10 minutes for the bus. Once we got the bus we were on the bus for about 25 minutes. Once we got their the first thing we did was meet up with Daniel. Then we all went to bowling. Daniel paid for an hour for all us which was a really nice thing for him to do. Anyways the first game I came first with 149 points which is the best score I have ever got. I think I got something crazy like 2 strikes and 3 spares out of my 10 goes I had. The 2nd game I came 2nd and Alyssa came 1st I think I was very close to 1st though if I remember. Anyways after bowling we went to play pool however some other people were using the table so we had to leave it and we did not end up doing this. After this we went to JD sports and we looked at shoes we all had to behave ourselves and force ourselves not to buy any shoes. Then after this we went to this hat shop I wanted to go to. When their Daniel told me he would buy me two hats as he felt like he did not get me much for my birthday. After this I looked for some hats and found these two hats I did like however I did not end up getting them as we realised they were only doing cash at the moment however Daniel only had card on him. Anyways whilst in the shop Caitlin asked for an opinion on a hat for her and I said it made her head look weird without thinking how this would make her feel. After this comment I did not think much of it at the time and Caitlin was being really quiet and was barely talking to me so I kept on asking her what was up and she would not tell me at first. Then after a while she caved in and told me and I apologised. Then after this we went to waterstones and I ended up buying two books using my voucher I had. However it cost £7 over the voucher so Daniel paid the extra £7 which was really nice of him to do. Anyways when in here Caitlin was not talking to me and was not coming near me so I went up to her and spoke to her to see what was up. When in their I said that when I was in the hat shop after my comment she said some horrible comments and I said to her in waterstones how I understood that she was upset but digging at me back was not the most mature way of dealing with the issue. Anyways at the time Caitlin took this as me deflecting my mistake and me not wanting to be the only one in the wrong. However I was just trying to tell her what she did and was trying to tell her that I would rather she would tell me what she was upset with rather than making comments back at me. Anyways at this point we were both upset with each other still and after this we went to Primark for an about an hour and when in here we both just walked around following Alyssa and Caitlin whilst they went everywhere they wanted to go and...

#journal

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sweee-ve · 3 months ago

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tw: vent

(I'm assuming people who don't want to see it have marked it off, but just in case)

originally posted here (not on Tumblr)

24th December

I'm so stupid??? Honestly, why didn't I just admit to liking her when she essentially asked me out??? I had to answer cryptically and say that I am not aroace instead of just admitting I liked her!!! (text on previous post if you care to know what I'm talking about) And, yes, I know I'd be an awful person for trying to date her then, but it would've saved me a lot of pain. Sure she was dating willow, but she hated them? No, I shouldn't of confessed then. But I did have the brilliant idea of doing it a week later (and got rejected???????????)

Shoot me, honestly.

Also side tangent --- I don't even know if she likes girls? Like, I don't think she even knows??? She says she wants to date girls, then she says she doesn't. Like girl decide!!! It's confusing to me, she has dated like 3 people that I know of;

Ukrainian dude - dude she dated when she was living in Ukraine, almost assaulted her, but she realised he was being sketchy and ran away

Willow - abusive guy, was [kinda] trans, not a guy (but yes, had a dick)

Kai - seemed like a decent guy, he's alright, but he broke up with her and then got back with her. Is weird though, says he doesn't associate him with being part of the LGBTQ+ community (gay people are ok though??? he just isn't one of them???), but is genderqueer. Kai isn't his birth name, contrary to what I thought

So like, they all have dicks? and she says she is gay, and she's dating people who weren't men, but like girllllll. She also seems to ignore problems in her relationships an just have sex all the time, like I get you want to have sex but like... have an actually healthy relationship that isn't just sex??? Once she was having problems with Kai (cant remember what exactly) but in the end I asked her how was her and Kai (praying on his downfall, I'll admit) and she just said that "it's all ok now, we just fucked it out"... She definitely likes Kai a lot more than the others but I don't know if it's a "even cold water seems warm when your hands are freezing" kind of situation? She even mentioned a week or two before they broke up that she wanted to breakup with him, but once he broke up with her she tried to kill herself. I hope she didn't make him feel bad and told him, and that's why they're back together. Because that would suck. She doesn't tell me anything and (I cant remember if I mentioned this before, but I feels like she either doesn't trust to tell me (ouch) or doesn't want me to know cause she would know I'd be against it. But she told someone else who also would be against it??? Me, being selfish, wants to think that it's because she doesn't want me knowing she's dating someone cause then I'll never be with her (I won't do shit if someone I like is even flirting with someone else and she knows this) or some bs, but like, I know that's not it).

On Friday (the 20th Dec) I was giving Anastasia a present to her, and I was texting her (she wasn't responding, I think she was with Kai (He lives in Dublin, so he would've had to get the bus down so its a case of he will stay for a while). She also finished school early but didn't tell me, and just said she was busy till 6 (not to be a bitch but she would've had literally nothing to do, so she (once again) didn't want me to know she was with Kai???). Anyway, I was meant to meet up wither her after 6, but all my friends were leaving by around 4 so I didn't want to just be walking around town on my own, and the times I could get a lift home were either 4 or 9 (PM!!) so I decided to just go home early, so i texted her and just said I left her present outside her house. But also in those messages I said "girl why are you back with Kai??" Which, yes I'll admit was VERY passive aggressive, but like, I was wondering. Also she said that the notification didn't even go through on her phone, but if I'm being honest I think its kinda bs. I hope it's not though.

She liked the present at least. She's been texting a bit more often too, but I don't know.

I really think I should just admit to her that I hate hanging out with her cause it just makes me sad every time. I said I liked her almost a year ago, I thought she liked me back, so I risked confessing. I didn't even ask her out just confessed and said I liked her, I mentioned Kai in it too cause he seemed ok. I didn't want to make it seem all about me. I originally wrote it in a Google Doc. Then I sent it with a timer so she'd get it at like 3 in the morning. Its kinda stupid that i did that but it was a way for me to actually send it, knowing I could delete it if I didn't sleep. But i did sleep. I even said the basic points on what I wanted to say in the letter.

I just looked for it, and it turns out I deleted it (I needed more google storage). I can't remember the exact points I said but I was along the lines of;

Actually saying I liked her

I knew that she liked Kai

Also that I was kinda rude to guys she was talking to, and i didn't know whether it was cause I was jealous or they were actually a shit person

I don't know a few more points like that.. I was being kinda a shitty person to her though. I mostly kept my opinions to myself, but sometimes I'd get annoyed and say stuff I shouldn't, so this is basically my way of saying stuff I'd like to say to Anastasia but shouldn't.

I know my opinions aren't really ok sometimes, and as much as i think that the stuff Anastasia does isn't smart, it is her choice to make. I shouldn't say anything unless it's going to seriously affect her. But that's hard to do sometimes. Which I know is a bad thing..

CADOGAN (⁠｡-ᴗ•｡)つ★

#vent #life stuff

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sameassitwas · 3 years ago

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the school run

prompt: So this is kind of embarrassing but can you do something with stepdad harry doing the dirty with his step daughter😭🥲 I just find the idea of that so hot

warnings: stepdad harry/step daughter y/n. language. smut. nsfw. 18+

words: 1,671

summary: after spending too much time getting ready for school, your mother has to leave or she’ll be late for work so now your stepdad harry has to drive you.

authors note: i had so much fun writing this, in many ways... hope you like what i have written and please don’t be afraid to send in some more prompts guys!

“y/n! if you’re not down here in 2 seconds, i’m leaving. i’m not being late to work again cause of you!” groaning, i continued to put mascara on. “i’ll be there in a minute!” i shouted back, pulling to see if my makeup looked decent. opening my mouth, i applied more mascara until my eyelashes looked dramatic enough.

“that’s it, i’m leaving. you can take the bus!” mum shouted before i heard the front door slam closed.

“fucking bitch,” i muttered under my breath. grabbing my schoolbag from the floor plus my PE bag, i stomped down the stairs and into the kitchen to grab a drink and a crisps bag to eat on the bus for breakfast.

“your mother is so patient and nice in the morning,” harry said as he walked into the kitchen and headed straight to the coffee machine.

i rolled my eyes. “literal sunshine she is,” i muttered before biting my lip as i watched him. he still hadn’t put on a shirt, just wearing his hideous shorts. admiring his chest and arms as he stretched and let out a groan.

“are you busy this morning? got any plans?” i asked as i walked a little closer to him.

“no, nothing till later. why?” harry replied while watching his cup fill up with coffee slowly.

i reached out and stroked his arm. “maybe you could drive me to school? i’ll make it worth your while,” i asked in the prettiest softest voice i could. “please daddy” i whispered as i leaned closer.

harry took a deep breath and licked his lips. “yeah? how you going to make it up to me this time?” he asked as he put his hand on either side of me, trapping me against the kitchen counter. “you going to offer your mouth or pussy this time? both maybe? i’m guessing a slut like you is getting pounded in every which way when you can be. what makes you think i want sloppy seconds?” he whispered darkly into my ear.

“daddy, you know there’s no one else! only you, i promise!” i let out a gasp as he grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled my head back.

harry licked up my neck before biting down.

letting out a little scream of pain, i quickly grabbed the counter and moaned as he continued making his lovebite. “daddy!”

harry smirked as he moved back. “your mother is going to ground you when she sees that. hanging out with boys.” he tutted. “if only she knew” he smirked wider. “that that only makes it easier for me”

he took a step back. “give me your phone, i need to call the school and let them know you’re going to be late,”

praying that no one had sent any embarrassing texts, i handed over my phone.

“knickers off,” he said while holding the phone up to his ear before he started speaking to the school receptionist.

pulling my school skirt up, i hooked my thumbs under the waistband of the knickers and slowly pushed them down before handing them over.

while still on the phone with the receptionist, harry turned me around and bent me over the counter. he lifted up my skirt and gave me a hard smack.

“thank you so much for understanding, rosie. i’ll be sure to get her there as soon as i can after her dentist appointment. completely slipped our mind” harry said charmingly while giving me yet another hard smack.

i turned to look at him and saw how he was smirking widely before raising a finger up to his lips before giving me another smack, even harder this time.

i bit down on my blazer to keep from shouting out in pain. i wished he would stop small talking to fucking rosie and get back to me. i was positively dripping wet already.

“of course we’ll be there for the fundraiser, we’ve been so looking forward to it,” harry lied as he rubbed his hand over my warm bum cheeks. “it’ll be lovely to see you too, rosie. alright. bye bye,” harry hung up. “god, she’s so annoying,” he muttered before giving me one more smack. “get my coffee in a travel mug, i need to get a shirt”

“what?” i asked confused as he walked out. he wasn’t seriously leaving me like this was he? grabbing a travel mug from the cupboard, i poured his coffee over before heading out in the hallway to wait for him.

harry returned shortly wearing a hoodie. “alright, let’s go” he said as he plucked the mug from my hand and headed over to the garage.

following after him, i chewed on my lip. getting into the passenger seat of his range rover, i got my seat belt on before looking at him. “daddy?” i whispered before pouting.

“what? is the slut worried that she won’t get played with?” he chuckled as he started the car. he put his hand on my thigh before moving it up, grazing his fingers over my soaking pussy. “don’t worry, pretty little thing. i’ll fill you up,” he said as he rubbed at my clit.

letting out a breathy moan, i spread my legs a little further and pulled my skirt up.

“you like that? showing off your pussy to everyone who drives by? letting them see how much of a slut you are?” harry asked as he kept rubbing at my clit way too slowly.

“like them seeing im yours daddy” i told him as i looked over at him.

“good answer” he said and smacked my pussy. “pull your skirt down, we’re almost there”

looking around, i could see we were no where near school. “where are we?” i asked as i pulled down my skirt.

“that is a private car park for exclusive flats. i happen to be one of the renters of one of those flats” harry explained. “you wont be seeing the flat today though, maybe later if you earn it” harry smirked as he pulled up to the security booth.

“mr.styles. been a long time” the security guard smirked as he looked in past him and at me. “some on the 3rd floor, floor 4 is empty” the guard said before buzzing us in.

“thanks, man. we’ll take floor 4. leave us be” harry said before driving in.

“what kind of place is this?” i asked, siting up.

“a place for the rich to play in private” harry drove up floor by floor. “for those who like sharing” he said and pointed to a gathering of cars where business men were all stood together, a few very naked girls being spread open, pounded in every way possible.

“fuck” i whispered and bit my lip.

“figured you’d like that. but i don’t think we’re there yet” he said and continued up another floor. driving to the back of it, he stopped the car and looked at me.

“daddy” i whined as i lifted my skirt up and spread my legs. “please”

harry smirked as he leaned over and shoved two fingers into my wet pussy without any prep.

gasping loudly, i grabbed onto the car door and the car seat. “fuck yes” moaning, i rolled my hips to match the speed of which he was fucking me with his fingers. he used his thumb to rub at my clit and i could feel my climax coming. “fuck, fuck, fuck” i gasped, arching up into his fingers.

harry pulled his fingers out and moved his seat back. “the only way you get to cum is with my cock inside you, come here” he ordered while pulling his cock out from his shorts.

“fuck, yes daddy” i mumbled as i scrambled up from my seat and straddled his lap.

harry gripped my hip while he helped me sink down on his cock.

“oh god” i moaned as he filled me up. i looked at him wide eyed as he wrapped his fingers around my throat and squeezed.

“fuck yourself on me, show me what a greedy little slut you are” he said before pulling me in for a bruising kiss.

moving up and down as fast as i could, i let out moan after moan. i could feel my socks sliding down, my shoes had fallen off, and i knew i’d have to go to the bathroom as soon as possible when actually getting to school to clean up my pussy and my face.

“yeah that’s it, fuck. pussy so tight and wet for me. so much better than your mum” harry moaned as he pushed my shirt up and pulled my bra down so he could bite down on my tits.

“daddy” i gasped out in pain and embarrassment.

harry chuckled darkly. “i always think of you now. when she has her lips around my cock, i imagine choking you with it. when i’m buried deep in her pussy, i think of yours and the way you scream so nicely when i push all the way in”

he was pushing up into me know, meeting my bounces.

“please, fuck. gonna cum” i moaned as i looked into his eyes. “daddy”

he licked his lips as he looked back at me while gripping my hip with both hands. he was breathing heavily now, his thrusts getting harder and more desperate.

with a loud grunt and his fingers digging into my skin, harry emptied himself into my pussy. quickly reaching down, i barely had to touch my clit before i was shaking and cumming with a loud moan.

the sound of us both panting filled the car as i rested my head on his shoulder, my fingers still gripping on tightly to his hoodie. “so what do i have to do to get inside the flat?” i asked.

harry chuckled and squeezed my bum cheeks hard. “you just keep on being the good little slut you are and i’ll let you know. now get off, i need to get you to school”

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fics #harry styles fan fics #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles fic #dark!harry #harry styles fanfics #harry styles fanfic

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marshmallows2345 · 3 years ago

Text

innocence (jay halstead x reader)

ch. 3- Large Cheese Pizza and a 2-Liter Diet Coke

series summary: you’re new, both in Intelligence and new to the dating scene. but when you fall in love with your partner, he shows you a whole new world, exposing you to so much more than you had ever experienced.

chapter warnings: mentions of domestic violence, gunshot wounds, blood, other canon-typical stuff, vomiting, and there’s also fluff with jay. next chapter is when things get spicy!!!

read the rest of “innocence” here !!!

a/n: i'm gonna be super busy next week so an update on this book may/may not happen. luckily, we're almost at the end, and i think that the ending is gonna be really, really sweet. like...tooth rottingly sweet.

You deeply regretted not going shopping when your sister had asked you to, because now you were standing in front of your closet, clothes strewn across the room, and you had absolutely nothing to wear.

Dammit, dammit, dammit.

You found a pair of black slacks and a red low-cut top, buried deep within your closet. As you tossed them into your backpack for work, you prayed that this was one of your non-wrinkle shirts. Before quickly grabbing a banana and heading out the door, you texted Jay, saying,

Portillos at 7?

Let’s go somewhere nicer, a new Italian place opened up, we should try it!

Sounds good- text me address and i’ll meet you!

The next message was an address from Jay, and you nodded before turning off your phone so you could hop into your car. You were already in a rush becuase you were running late; you didn’t need any other distractions to get between you and getting to work. As you drove to work, a call came in on your radio.

“10-1, 10-1! Officer shot on 65th and Vine, requesting backup immediately! Offender is white, male, fleeing west on 64th!”

That’s only five blocks away.

“This is 50201 Adam, I am five blocks away, dispatch be advised: plainclothes officer responding.”

“Copy that, 50201 Adam.”

You turned on your sirens, and you sped off to the situation. Once you were there, you stopped your car, got out, and ran over to the officer, who was applying pressure on his partner’s wound.

“What happened?” “We’re on a domestic violence call, and my partner goes up to the door and she gets shot in the shoulder, the guy left through the back.”

“How long ago?”

“2 minutes.”

A gunshot rang out from down the block, and you took off, radioing in,

“Dispatch, roll a bus to 65th and Vine, gunshots rang out from down the street, be advised plainclothes officer responding.”

You sprinted to the house, and you heard someone screaming for help. You kicked open the door, quickly moving through the house, making sure each room was clear before yelling out,

“Chicago PD!” “Up here! Help me please!”

You ran upstairs, towards the sound of the voice. It was coming from the bedroom, There was a woman, laying in the bedroom on the floor, blood gushing out of her. Your eyes went wide, but you didn’t have time to be in shock. You had to save her. Almost immediately, you started putting pressure on the wound; the only reason that you hadn’t started was because you had to take off your shirt to start applying pressure, leaving you in your sports bra. You radioed in again, saying

“Dispatch, this is 50201 Adam, I need a bus to my location; I have a gunshot wound to the abdomen, victim is Asian, female, looks about late 20s, early 30s. I need a bus ASAP.”

“Copy that, sending a bus.”

You kept applying pressure,holding your shirt over the wound. As you looked into the woman’s eyes, seeing how terrified she was, you used your other hand to hold hers. You introduced yourself, and you said,

“My name’s Officer Y/n. I need you to stay with me, okay? Stay with me. You’re gonna be okay, an ambulance is on the way.”

She nodded, and you smiled down at her, trying to mask all the anxiety and worry that was building in your stomach. You kept pressing down, praying that she would be okay. She was just minding her own business, in her own home, where she was supposed to feel safe. It would never be the same for her, and you could only imagine the psychological ramifications that she would have to deal with. You said,

“You’re doing great, sweetheart. Just stay with me. I got you.”

You heard sirens blaring outside, and you smiled down at the woman, who was sweating, panting, and crying. She was clearly in pain and terrified, but hopefully, she would be okay. As she looked up into your eyes, you gave her a nod of encouragement,

“You’re doing so good, you’re so strong. The paramedics are here, sweetheart, you’re gonna be okay, okay?”

She nodded, and you said, placing her hand on your now-bloodied shirt,

“Hold this.”

You went to the window, threw it open, and you screamed out,

“Get me a paramedic, now!”

The paramedics had just gotten out of their ambulance, and they quickly hurried up to where you were now continuing to put pressure on the wound. You heard their footsteps, sprinting up the stairs, and only when one of them knelt down beside her did you step away, heading back downstairs to talk to the investigative officer. But you didn’t expect to be met with your teammates, who were standing outside waiting for you.

“There she is! Y/n, what happened?” Jay asked as you came up and stood in front of them, arms crossed over your chest. He took off his jacket and hung it over your shoulders, seeing as you were shirtless, and you pulled it around your body.

“I, I was leaving my house and I got the radio that an officer was shot, just like five blocks away, and I responded, conducted everything, you know? I had just missed the offender, but then there was gunshots again, and I went after it, I know I should have waited for backup, but there wasn’t time. I got upstairs, and she was there, offender was gone, I couldn’t chase, and then I just needed something to put pressure, so I just used my shirt.”

“You okay?” Voight asked, his hand on your shoulder

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I just need a few.”

You pushed past everyone, walking quickly to your car, and you sat in the driver’s seat. It was like visualizing your partner all over again, only this time, it was a civilian, whose name you didn’t even know. Inside, your stomach felt like a pit. You did the right thing, completely. There wasn’t anything you could have done other than put pressure on the wound and call for help.

Why did you feel like this?

Maybe it was how terrified the woman looked, how it reminded you of your partner and how he looked into your eyes, having that same look. Fear. No matter how tough you thought you were, how much training you went through, a gunshot wound, even if non-life threatening, could make you realize just how fleeting life is. It could also make you rethink everything, especially your career choice. You heard the passenger door open, and your head whipped around to find Jay climbing into your car.

“I just wanted to check in on you,” he said.

“I’m okay. Just stirred up some old memories,” you shrugged, running a hand down your face and taking a deep breath. “Um, tonight, I know we were supposed to go out, but can we, can we just stay in and get a pizza?”

“Of course. You wanna head back? To Intelligence?”

“Don’t I have to give a statement?”

“You did. Intelligence is taking the case. Officer got shot, they want the best on it.”

“Okay,” you said, taking a deep breath. “Can I just wear this until we get back?”

“Of course.

You slipped on the jacket and zipped it up, covering yourself so you could head back outside with your team. Jay brought you over to where they were all standing, and you gave them all a smile.

“Any word on the officer at Med?” You asked.

“It’s looking good; she’ll pull through. Haven’t heard anything about the civilian,” Voight replied.

“I want you and Halstead to go to Med, see if she’s awake. Did you get a look at the offender?”

“No, sir.”

“Description?”

“Male, white. I’ll ask the officer, the one whose partner was shot, again, and if the civilian is up, I’ll ask her as well. But that’s all I got.”

“Alright. Go to Med,” Voight said.

You went to your car and your headed to Med, meeting up with Jay once there. The two of you headed into Med together, flashing your badge to the front desk. Jay said,

“A GSW to the shoulder came in, one of ours?”

“She’s up in 400. Awake, you can talk to her.”

You and Jay quickly headed up to the room and you flashed your badges to the officers stationed outside. They let the two of you inside, and you two stood side by side.

“Officer…”Jay trailed off.

“Officer Morgan.”

“Officer Morgan, how are you?” He asked, and you stood by him with a sympathetic look on your face.

“Besides the bullet hole in my shoulder…I’m alright.”

“Did you get a good look at the man who shot you?” You asked, and Jay took out his mini notepad from the pocket of his jeans.

“He was white, about like 5’10, average height and build…I don’t remember anything else.”

“Did he say anything?” You asked, while Jay kept scribbling.

“No. Nothing. And the only thing I remember was being dragged by my partner, and the sky. That’s it.”

“Okay. Thank you. If you remember anything..”

“I’ll call. How’s my partner?”

“He’s gonna be relieved when he finds out you’re okay,” Jay said. “You rest up.”

You and Jay left Med and headed back to the District. Once there, you headed to the locker room, changed out of Jay’s jacket, and you put on a spare black shirt that you kept in your locker. When you walked into Intelligence, you handed Jay his jacket back, thanking him for letting you wear it. As he hung it on his chair, he could smell your perfume lingering on it, ever so faintly. He couldn’t wait to put it on and be reminded of you as he wore it.

You perched on your desk as Voight discussed the case, running down the facts. Most likely, this offender would strike again, especially since he was apprehended. The problem was that there was no apparent correlation between the woman who called in the domestic violence dispute, Katie Clark, Officer Morgan, and Maxine Ng, the gunshot victim. The victimology was seemingly random. But you were assigned to dig deeper into their pasts, see if there was anything that was initially missed. At least, that would be your assignment until this offender struck again. This offender was violent, and clearly not stable. It was imperative to catch him as soon as possible, to bring one more violent person off the streets.

_________________________________________________________________________

Everything seemed to be a blur throughout the day. Assignments melted together, and you were pulled in fifteen thousand different directions. There was barely time for you to eat; you just picked up a snack or two from the vending machine to tide you over until tonight. You were running around with Jay whenever you weren’t looking up something for the team. On one hand, you wanted to sit, eat a decent meal, and be able to breathe, but you also wanted to catch this guy. You could eat tonight, with Jay, after your shift was over, or whenever Voight let you all go, if he did. At this point, it was whichever came first.

You had compiled a list of potential suspects, all with priors for domestic violence, and you had brought it to the hospital to see if either the officer or the civilian recognized any of them. Thankfully, both of them recognize the same guy, and you were now one step closer to putting him away. Both of you reported back to Intelligence, and you slapped a photo of the suspect, named Oliver Vincent, on the whiteboard.

“Oliver Vincent, 5’10, 30 years old. He’s got priors for domestic violence, assault, the works. Last seen at his girlfriend’s house this morning. We’re gonna get his photo out to all of foot patrol, and we’re gonna head to his home address.”

“Good. We want to get this guy off the street ASAP.”

You and Jay had Sergeant Platt send out an alert to all the foot patrol officers with a photo of your suspect. Hopefully, one of them would see him and be able to apprehend him. Until then, you and Jay were heading to Vincent’s home. Maybe, this guy was a complete fool, hiding out in his apartment, and your job would be made very, very easy. You prayed for a lucky break.

You and Jay headed up to the front door, and Jay banged on it.

“Chicago PD! Open up!”

2 gunshots rang out, and the both of you leaned the opposite way, trying to avoid getting shot.

“Son of a bitch,” you murmured as Jay kicked in the door.

“10-1! 10-1! Shots fired at police at 34-63 Raleigh Street! Offender is armed and violent, requesting backup! Plainclothes officers in pursuit!” Jay said, into his

The two of you moved through the house, first moving through the living room, then the kitchen. You were both alerted to the sound of a door opening, and the both of you sprinted to the backdoor. Jay let you through first, and you saw Vincent turn left. You took off, running towards him, gun drawn and ready to be shot.

You could feel the blood pumping through your body as you chased after him. He turned back, fired at you, but you ducked behind a trash can as the bullets whizzed by you. You looked out, checking to make sure the coast was clear before darting off again. Jay was following on the other side with his truck, following your path. You had eyes on Vincent, locked on him.

Stronger grip, tighten that wrist.

The next time he turned around and raised that gun, you fired.

Bang. Bang.

You hit him, right where you wanted him: in the shoulder. It was wrong, you should have gone for the chest, but you wanted to watch him pay. You wanted him to sit in an interrogation room or have Voight put him in the cage. Whatever happened, you wanted to see him punished. Death would give him an easy way out, one that you weren’t willing to give.

He tried to get up, but stumbled, clutching his shoulder and falling to the ground. You tackled him, pinning his hands behind his back and shoving him to the ground.

“Hello, Mr. Vincent. It’s time to take a ride,” you snarled before radioing in for a bus.

____________________________________

Back at the district, after you’d been cleared for the shooting, you found yourself in the locker room. You needed some time, needed to collect yourself. It didn’t matter that you’d been cleared by the shooting squad. Inside, guilt gnawed at your stomach, twisting and turning it until you couldn’t keep it inside. The only inkling of solace you felt was that in a weird, twisted way, you were merciful. You let him live. There was no killing on your conscience.

Jay found you hunched over the garbage can, puking your guts out. You pulled up, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, swallowing thickly and grimacing.

You turned around to find Jay, watching you with concern.

“You okay?”

You sat down on the bench, holding your head in your hands. Taking a deep breath, blinking away any tears that had pooled, you said,

“All good.”

“First one?”

“It wasn’t that. I, uh, before I shot, I had this thought.”

“What?” He asked, sitting down next to you.

“I wanted him to live. I wanted Voight to toss him in the cage, to make him pay. I don’t know why, I just..”

“It’s natural. It’s completely natural. He shot at one of ours, beat his girl. Hell, I wanted him to pay.”

You nodded, running a hand through your hair and taking a deep breath. He put his arm around you and said,

“You did good, okay? Clean shoot.”

“Clean shoot,” you repeated, nodding your head.

“Get some water, clear your head, and come back. I left a bag of Goldfish on your desk, thought you could use a snack.”

“Goldfish?”

“Figured you could use something happy. Snack that smiles back.”

You chuckled, watching as Jay walked away. Once he was out, you rinsed your face, splashing water on the front and back of your neck, resetting yourself.

Clean shot.

___________________________________

Once you got home, you changed into a pair od wide-leg sweatpants and a tank top, sweeping your hair up. You dialed the number for the pizza place, and ordered a large cheese pizza with a 2-Liter bottle of diet Coke. The worker on the other end told you that it would be about 20 minutes for a delivery, and you agreed. Hopefully, the pizza would get here just as Jay would be arriving so it would still be hot.

Your doorbell rung about 15 minutes later. and you lept up to see who it was. When you saw Jay standing outside your door, you opened it and let him inside. He was holding a box of pizza and a bag with the Diet Coke in it.

“I ran into him. Smells delicious.”

You took the box from him and set it in your kitchen before opening it. Jay kicked off his shoes and he set them by the door. The delicious pizza aroma wafted through the apartment, and you salivated at how delicious it looked. You pulled a slice out, and grabbed a plate from the cabinet above you, putting the slice on it.

“Here,” you said, handing it to Jay, “eat.”

He gratefully accepted the slice, and you pulled out one for yourself before sitting on the couch and turning on the TV. You placed your slice on the coffee table and went to the fridge, grabbing two beers from it and bringing them back to the couch. When you came back, you handed one to Jay and kept one for yourself. He opened both of them with a bottle opener on his keychain, and you sat down next to him, now finally able to enjoy your dinner.

“How are you?” He asked as he took a drink from his beer.

“I’m okay. The, uh, Goldfish were nice; I needed something to eat.”

“I figured. But, uh now, how are you?”

“I’m okay. Grateful to be at home, eating an actual meal. Having a beer.”

“I can get with that.”

You leaned onto his shoulder, your head resting on his collarbone. He scratched your scalp, softly murmuring,

“You’re good, hm?”

You nodded, glancing up at him and snuggling deeper into his side. He let his hand rest on your shoulder and you looked up at him.

“This was not how I imagined our first date to go,” you admitted as you finished off your beer.”

“Me neither, but here we are.”

“Here we are,” you agreed. “Want another slice?”

“Yeah, definitely.”

You took his plate and got both him and you another helping of pizza, bringing the plates back to your spot on the couch. He took his plate from you and you made yourself comfortable once again.

“Feel free to turn on whatever you want to watch.”

He put on a movie, one that you hadn’t even heard of, and the two of you lounged on your couch. The silence shared between the two of you was comforting, more so than if you were talking. It was nice not having to make chit-chat and to have to put on a front. All you had to do with Jay was be yourself, and unapologetically at that. That was all he ever asked, well besides not being stupid.

He saw you start to drift off to sleep, snuggling into him, arms involuntarily wrapping around his torso. Jay smiled, since you looked like a little koala bear, hugging a tree. You looked at peace, unworried. Right now was the one moment of solace you had been able to get all day, and if Jay knew anything, it was that these moments didn’t come around often. He was not going to disturb you, not yet at least. If there was one thing you deserved after today, it was a few moments of peace. His arm wrapped around you, rubbing your shoulder gently. Something about the way you snuggled into him almost naturally made his chest swell with something he couldn’t admit out loud.

He was protective over you.

#jay halstead x you #chicago pd #jay halstead #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead x y/n #chicago pd imagine #one chicago

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