#she knew what people thought of her but she felt really certain that vaccines were harmful and when she was talking to me

[bataranqs]

5 Happy Things

June 6, 2023

1. Had an insanely good convo with some guys on Sunday

2. Got to walk home from school with a super cute and amazing girl yesterday!!!

3. Finally told the guy at my local coffee place that he has a really nice smile and he smiled wide and kept grinning the whole time I was there

4. Spider-man: Across the Spider-Verse

5. Nice lil white and pink flowers growing by the sidewalks and bringing me so much joy!!!

[dumdeeedum]

The Last of US TV finale spoilers ahead!

I LOVE this show, I thought almost everything about it was masterfully executed. I personally would have loved to see more infected but that’s because I played the game and actually enjoyed how they did them in the show, they were creepy and worked well and would have sprinkled just a little more into the show than just “people can be the real villains!” But otherwise it was absolutely fantastic, I love this Ellie and Joel more than the game versions and loved what they did with absolutely every side character from the game in the show.  I’m also SO relieved to be getting tv like this again. I feel like we’re in a very strange place with entertainment and we don’t get quality like this very often anymore so this was such a breath of fresh air!  HOWEVAH!

I REALLY thought they’d fix the science in the show. It was my biggest issue in the game and why I ultimately didn’t even entertain not siding with Joel at the end even after everything he did and how I understand I’m SUPPOSED to feel about it. The messy science just meant, for me, that these people have ONE immune person in the world that they know of and are just opting to KILL HER. WHY?! I’m not actually a scientist but I really would have thought that it’d take a lot more experimenting over a longer period of time, perhaps even generations, to figure out what Ellie’s mutation is and how it could function as the cure for humanity.  And this feels especially true in a world where resources for that sort of shit don’t seem like they’d be very plentiful. I wish they’d used Marlene’s suspicion that Ellie’s mom did not actually cut the cord before she was bit to perhaps have Marlene then suspect that Ellie might be immune since she didn’t turn as a baby and at least check her blood or whatever then!  The thing could have been that Ellie’s been experimented on, without her knowledge because she didn’t know she was immune, her entire life and then maybe I’d believe that these doctors and scientists truly believed that killing the ONLY immune person they know of in the world is a good idea. 14 years is a FAR cry from the year or so they seem to have known about Ellie to be certain the answer is killing her. I’d have believed that a little bit more! (And if it WAS the case that they’d been doing that then they explained it VERY poorly.)

This is ESPECIALLY relevant if the immunity was suspected to have come through the umbilical cord as the game and show both suggest. Ellie would probably have been cooperative in stuff like blood tests, brain scans, bone marrow tests, harvesting her eggs to see if a child can be born with the immunity, whatever! I’m sure she’d endure some pretty invasive shit for the sake of the cure if she were asked! But you DO NOT KILL THE ONLY IMMUNE PERSON YOU KNOW OF!  If Marlene had PROPERLY explained to Joel as Joel was leaving with Ellie that this experimentation had been in the works for YEARS, that he simply didn’t understand the situation and that they were certain that a vaccine could be produced but only by harvesting what was in Ellie and they couldn’t do that without killing her and THEN Joel had killed Marlene it would have been WAY more interesting to me. As it is it felt like they wanted her brain stem or whatever (I forget exactly what it is they wanted) to play with it! Joel was right, TO ME, because they didn’t explain it well and it doesn’t make sense TO ME! Excuse that first sentence, it’s a doozy. The consent thing was ALWAYS going to be an issue, on both sides, and a good moral point in the show against both Marlene and Joel because neither Marlene nor Joel knew what Ellie would do given the right circumstances to actually consider it so they were both disrespecting Ellie’s autonomy. (In the second game Ellie is asked and isn’t sure what she should have done and at that point she’s had more time to live and to want to live.) Marlene killing Ellie or Joel saving her. The reasons don’t matter, Ellie should have had a real choice.

But FOR ME, ultimately, having a more convincing argument for how wrong Joel is would have gone a lot farther to make me see the true moral blackness of Joel’s actions at the hospital at the end. He didn’t ruin shit for the world the way I’m supposed to feel he did, FOR ME. We’ve seen him kill, we already know he isn’t a good guy and isn’t just willing to kill but to kill with unnecessary cruelty, even after knowing Ellie. In the game we spend a lot of time killing people and while the game does a decent job attempting to make us feel like the people are people and we should feel bad for killing people, especially in this world, we still kill a LOT of people in the game. Seeing Joel kill some more people at the hospital, doctors but also just people, people who are threatening to kill his new daughter AND the ONLY immune person in the world that we know of just didn’t phase me as much as I’m sure it was meant to. I’m also sure people who didn’t play the game may feel differently about that and obviously it isn’t a good thing that Joel did but Joel’s actions made a lot of sense to me given the givens. AND as far as I’m concerned Joel also saved them from themselves because these dummies almost fucked up the only shot this world has to get a cure for this infection! Perhaps this is a very basic and wrong hot take, I didn’t really look at reviews or anything when the game came out because it actually took me a while to play the first game but there it is. I may be wrong and I’m sure a lot of people would just tell me to let it go and suspend disbelief because that isn’t the point even if I am right, but it just seems like a weird oversight to me that I REALLY hoped that the show would address given 10 years of retrospect and a staff to help the guy work on it! Feel free to correct me, I’d really like to know if I’m wrong.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

On set visits; Queen x reader x Borhap boys pt. 2

*Author's note*

And here is part 2. And that's all I've got of the Rock Angel for now. Hope you all enjoy this special binge read of the series. Soon enough the story will come to an end after a few more chapters (I've had the last chapter written for like 2 years now) but I hope you all enjoy this chapter as well as the binge reading I have provided for you all. Until next time, stay healthy, stay safe, and anyone getting their vaccines GOOD LUCK!

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@simonedk

@waddles03

@ixchel-9275

@psychosupernatural

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@queensdivas

@bohemiansweede

@queendeakyy

@queen-paladin

@geek-and-proud

@isabella-bby

@labessieisallama

@5sos-wdw

@onebigfangirlworld

@wormzteef

@ssa-sadboi

@naturalswifty89

@starswin

___________________________________________________________

*Meeting the new Rock Angel. Filming continues*

A few days later after bonding with the actors playing my boys, I came to any day of filming I could (outside of my album recording and touring with Queen and Adam). Now the boys promised me and I knew they would follow up with it, the young actress they got to play me in as a cameo for the Live Aid sequence.

I was talking with Miami when we both heard a knock and that's when Graham King came in.

"I've got her."

"Bring her in." I said. He opened the door wider and soon came in the young woman came in.

"You wanted to see me Mrs. Kline?"

"Yes my dear come in." I said. She came in and took a seat on one of the producer's chair. "I wanted to speak to you guys privately about some things that have come up. But first I would like to know your name my dear girl."

"Ashley. My name's Ashley Johansson. But my friends call me Ash."

"Lovely to meet you Ash, from what I saw up there you—you blew me away."

"Uhh thank you. And can I just say I've been such a big fan of yours. My mum always played your first album on repeat every day when she'd take me to school. But I thank her for that cause your story has just been such an inspiration to not only me but her as well."

"I'm flattered Ash. I'm always happy to hear that I inspire people, even when I feel like I'm not really doing anything. All I do is just bring my music out into the world and try to give voice to things that other's don't deem important."

"That makes you an inspiration Mrs. Kline." She said.

"Oh please Ash darling, call me (y/n)."

"Okay....(y/n)."

"Now then straight to business. As you know Hollywood's always wanting to create biopics of anything and everything. And while I've been aware of both Queen's story as well as Elton's life being made into films. I've always been reluctant in getting my story out, but from what I saw a few days ago I feel like I might've found the right team to do just that. So my dear Ash, tell me this; who do you trust the most in Queen?" she looked at me confused but she soon realized just what I was doing.

"Brian was asking me tons of questions but that was the only question Roger ever asked me."

"And what did you tell him?"

"I told him, that.....All the members of Queen are my family. But if I had to pick, Roger has always seen each side of me. Whether it was the happiest moment of my life, or the darkest day. He's seen my true colors that none of the other band members had seen." I smiled softly and said.

"What happened after you said that?"

"He—he might not have wanted anyone to know but—I could swear I saw him wipe a tear from his eye." I smiled and lowered my head.

"That's my papa lion alright." I muttered. I looked back up to Graham and Ashley and continued, "After seeing the hard work you all have put into Queen's story, I've come to the decision along with my manager and former boss Miami, that I'm willing to sign off the rights to the film to you Graham King. And I want you my dear Ash to play me." They both looked at me in surprise.

"You're—you're serious? You-you want me to play you?"

"I can think of no other person. My uncle and father figures chose well. They—after all knew me better than I knew myself." I heard Miami chuckle softly.

"Thank you (y/n)."

"But there are conditions that I seriously must emphasize on."

"Whatever you want."

"Okay first; I will be heavily involved with the project."

"Done." He said.

"Second, there are some events I will allowed to be shown. But I absolutely refuse to have the stalking episode I was forced to suffer with be heavily shown. It can be touched on but I want nothing else about it in the film. It was hell for my family and my children were scarred for almost ten years, especially my daughter."

"It was horrifying. In my Folklore and true crime class, someone actually did a story on him in the aspect of why celebrity stalking should've been taken more into consideration." Ash said. I closed my eyes heavily trying to compose myself when I felt a hand grasp mine.

"If anything more is spoken about in regards to my Angel's stalker, the project will immediately be terminated." Miami said. I turned to him and he looked at me and nodded firmly as he patted my hand comfortingly.

"The writer's will be informed on it immediately."

"And in regard to Queen's casting, make sure that those four young boys are involved with the project. I love all four of them, they are—everything I remember when I first worked with Queen."

"It shall be done. After this film wraps up and the premiere at Wembley Stadium, you and I can meet at Abbey Road to discuss further more on the project and all the rights that need to be signed." Graham told me.

"Graham King, you've got yourself a deal." We both shook on it. A pact forged that a movie about the Rock Angel would come to place.

Months passed and I was busy touring alongside Queen and Adam for a time, up until Brian decided to pop in on set for a surprise visit. He told me that the boys were now filming the Rockfield farm studio scenes. Now this was one filming session I definitely didn't want to miss.

Brian and I drove up to the location in Hertfordshire, a charming little place known as Stocker's farmhouse and cottage. Since the real Rockfield farm studios wasn't suitable for filming, and ridge farm closed down back in 2003, Stocker's was the only place left.

Coming up onto the filming location, I began to see it looking sorta similar to what Rockfield was when I had used it earlier in my career.

"The studio definitely chose the perfect setting I must say." I said to Brian who was driving.

"Indeed. When the lads and I first came to Rockfield farm we couldn't believe that that was what Fred had in mind."

"But the wide open spaces sure do provide little to no distraction. Guess that's what made a Night at the Opera so successful to you guys."

"You really think so?"

"I know that's how it was for my first album. Plus why do you think your 5th album is the most talked about in regard to your earlier works."

"Suppose you do have a point." He shrugged. After about ten minutes of driving through the country roads, we finally arrived at the farm and the barn house there made me think of the real Rockfield farm studios.

"Not quite the same but the atmosphere of it just brings back memories doesn't it?"

"It does indeed. Shall we go surprise them?"

"Yes, lets." He shut the car off and we both exited the car. We walked towards the barn house where the guys must already be filming right about now since there wasn't really anyone outside. Once we got up to the door, Brian slowly and quietly opened the door but gestured me to go in first.

"Oh lady's first." He said.

"Thank you." I walked inside and Bri followed behind me. Inside I saw some of the crew walking around setting some stuff up. All around it was like the actual recording studio Rockfield farm had. From all the pictures I remember seeing in either magazines or even Brian himself, it was like I was transported back in time to when Queen recorded "A Night at the Opera".

"You know some of those amps and even Roger's kit we used at the time are here."

"Really? So you and Rog donated some of the actual gear?"

"Yep. Since the fans will be nitpicky about certain aspects it's just a fun little way to give them a taste of some of the real equipment. Even Red's here."

"No way. No wonder why you've been using those Red special copies throughout the tour. But Bri are you sure it's okay? I mean I know how protective you are of Red."

"She's been in the best of care."

"Right, right with your mini-copy. I swear even out of the wig and the clothes I can still see you in Gwilym. Are you sure you didn't have another child with a different woman besides Chrissie?"

"I'm positive." He assured me.

"Oh and speak of the devil there's your clone now. Why don't you go say hi while I go find the rest of the little rascals." I patted his shoulder and walked off. As I walked along I saw a familiar figure wearing a long blonde hair sitting next to another young man wearing long auburn hair that went past his shoulder.

I shook my head and walked up to them saying.

"God I swear it's like I transported back in time to 1975." They looked up and proclaimed my name. I was soon tackled in a sandwiched by Joe Mazzello and Ben Hardy.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were touring?" asked Ben.

"I was. But Brian decided to do a little surprise visit so I figured since I missed seeing you four so much, I figured I'd tag along and see how it's coming along. So what all have you done since I was last here?"

"We did a scene in Miami's office to represent Queen getting back together before Live Aid, a concert at Madison Square Garden, and the recording studio scene with Mike Myers." Joe explained.

"Now for the next couple of weeks we'll be doing some of the Rockfield farm recordings as well as the Bohemian Rhapsody music video, when Freddie joins Smile, and the "I want to Break free music video." Ben finished.

"Oh now that last one I've got to see for myself." I said grinning ear to ear. "I'll bet you four are gonna rock the drag look just like my boys did. Especially you Ben." I teased as I gently pinched his cheek.

"Yeah Benjamin I can't wait to see you in that skirt." Joe teased as well pinching his other cheek.

"Alright, alright you two enough." He said brushing our hands away and trying to contain his blush. I giggled softly.

"When that day comes, do I got some stories to share with you all about that day."

"We look forward to hearing them." Said Joe.

"And I look forward to telling them. Just let me know if you boys ever get bored of an old woman ranting on about the past."

"Never (y/n). We could never be bored of you. We love having you here, you've given us a lot of support and advice for playing your coworkers and family members." Ben said as he leaned his head against my shoulder.

"Yeah. We could never get bored of you. The day we get bored of you is the day the four of us stop being Queen fanatics. And this movie only keeps increasing our fandom tenfold each and every day." Joe said as he leaned up against my other shoulder.

"Aww you boys are sweet." I kissed Ben's cheek first which made him blush and softly chuckle.

"You lucky dog! I wanna Rock Angel smooch!"

"Then pucker up Joey dear." He puckered up his lips and I leaned in but at the last second I kissed his cheek which made him pout like a child. I laughed and said. "Sorry my dear, but my lips are reserved for one man."

"Can't blame a guy for trying though right?" he asked hopefully.

"No. I guess not. Now Benjamin, if you'll come with me real quick I would like to spend a little one on one time with you." I wrapped an arm around him when Joe said.

"Better not seduce him away from me!"

"Please Joe dear like I'd ever steal a man from you!" I cried back at him. We walked outside and walked towards the cottage. "Ben I've been wanting to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"When we first met; I had mentioned that I was looking forward to seeing you play the drums, but I noticed that you seemed a bit—tense." He froze right there on the spot. I turned towards him and stood in front of him. "Benjamin. Is there something you'd like to share with the class?"

"Well I—uhh.....when I, when I went to auditioned I—might've said that I......knew how to play the drums. But I've....never drummed a day in my life."

"So you lied? You lied and ended up getting the part of playing my only father figure in the world?" I snapped.

"I'm sorry (y/n) I just really wanted the job. But I worked hard and trained over ten hours a day in the 8 weeks rehearsal time before we shot Live Aid. I just love Queen so much and I—"

"Ben." I pressed my finger to his lips. "Relax. I knew you lied the second day of filming. Roger told me."

"Did he mention the prank that Rami tried to pull on me?" I nodded as I hummed. "Damn rat."

"Oh trust me. When it comes to certain secrets, Roger cannot keep them forever. Especially when his lion cub gets involved in wanting to know." I removed my finger and cupped underneath his jawline. "But when I saw you perform the entire Live Aid sequence, it hardly seemed like you hadn't drummed a day in your life. While I don't condone for liars, I appreciate that you took the time to study just how exactly Roger drums."

"It wasn't easy. But he was supportive and he even gave me a mini drum lesson. Of course he had to step back and say 'alright. Show me what you got'."

"That's exactly like Roger. He always did the same to me whenever he gave me a drum lesson. I remember when he taught me how to play 'Don't stop me now' back when I was an intern and he told me to play it all the way through."

"Jesus that's rough."

"Depends on how you look it. Guess I got on the lighter end than you did cause he's always had a soft spot for me. But his heart's always in the right place when he mentors. Just ask his son Rufus. That boy takes everything after his father. Not just his looks but his talent too."

"Yeah. Roger has given me some good pointers on how to strike the cymbals on a certain song. Or how to properly spin the drumsticks."

"Knowing how to keep the heartbeat going. The drums are the center of the band. If one beat is off, the entire song can go to shit."

"That was always his number one rule to playing the drums. Drilled that into my head every time." I sighed reminiscing the old days of my tutorial sessions with my dad. "So he really was like your father?"

"Yeah. Out of all the members of Queen, Roger was the one I was drawn to the most. It also helped that he loved me just as much as I did him. Always there to comfort me at my lowest moments, but there to celebrate and keep me grounded when I was higher than a kite. Roger Taylor has and will always be my papa lion."

"That's so cute you guys called each other that. Anytime you came up in conversation, Roger always called you his lion cub."

"Either that or his lioness. Lioness is more for the moments when my true strength comes into play and I do something world changing. Lion cub is like a private thing between us. God I can't believe I confessed to him being a lion to me when I was drunk. But if I'm being honest, I don't regret it."

"I can see you don't, my little lion cub." I looked at him and he just gave me Roger's cheeky grin and that familiar twinkle in his eyes just made my heart flutter.

"Cheeky." I grinned. He smiled and shrugged playfully.

Yeah I know he may not look exactly like Roger when I met him but there are some mannerisms that Ben has that just made me think of my adoptive father.

We continued to walk into the cottage cause I wanted to see what they did to the inside of it. There I saw Rami sitting by the piano in the now wearing the long black hair that Fred had at the time. Jesus without the tache, he looked more like Freddie than I could ever imagine.

However that happiness soon turned to dread and absolute disgust as soon coming right beside Rami was a young man who looked like someone who I had loathed my entire life. The one man who made my life a living hell throughout my years with Queen, the poison who nearly destroyed Queen and exposed my secret to the boys.

It was Paul Prenter.

Rami and Paul were chatting away with each other and I felt sick to my stomach.

"(Y/n)? You okay?" Ben asked me.

"Excuse me." I muttered as I passed him. I trudged right over towards Rami and shielded him. "Stay. Away. From him you snake!"

"E-excuse me?" he asked confused. "I don't know what you're talking about." Typical Prenter.

"Don't play games with me Prenter! You might've fooled Freddie once but you will not do it again! I lost him because of you. You ruined his life! And I swear to you I will make you pay for it. I'm not that little girl anymore!"

"(Y/n)! (Y/n) calm down. He's not really Paul Prenter." Rami tried to reason with me.

"Freddie please I'm doing this to protect you!" I then gripped the collar of Paul's shirt and dragged him aside. "You lying son of a bitch! How dare you show yourself again!"

"Wait! Wait I'm not Paul Prenter!"

"STOP LYING TO ME!!!"

"(Y/N)! (Y/N) (M/N) KLINE LET. HIM GO!!" I turned to see Brian as well as Joe, Gwilym and Ben along with some of the crew staring at me. Brian stomped towards me and pulled me away from Paul and he said to me in a stern voice. "The real Paul Prenter is dead. He's been dead just as long as Freddie has. That's an actor playing him. Alan Leech."

My adrenaline came down and when I looked at 'Prenter' again to see that it wasn't the Paul Prenter I knew. For one thing this guy was much younger, the tache wasn't as thick as Paul's was, and his eyes weren't as cold as I remembered Prenter's, they shown with absolute fear.

Oh god.....what have I done? I collapsed to the ground trembling with regret as tears formed in my eyes. I buried my face into my arms as I softly wept. It was then I felt Brian's arms wrap around me, his head gently resting on top of mine as he rocked me slowly while I wept.

*3rd Person POV*

Rami, Joe, Gwilym and Ben looked at each other before turning towards Allen who spoke not a word but was just as worried as the four main ensemble cast was. Rami first tried to approach (y/n) but Brian looked up at him and put his hand up and shook his head.

After she went silent, Brian helped her stand up and he walked her over to the car. He allowed her to just sit there and have some time to herself. Once he shut the door, the young actors walked up to Brian and Joe asked.

"Is she gonna be okay?"

"With time. Allen I apologize ever so much but you can't blame (y/n). The real Paul Prenter he—put her through hell when she started off as an intern. One thing he did was extremely unforgivable that I don't see why we ever kept him around."

"Brian, she uhh—I know I shouldn't say this but when she was trying to defend me from Paul, she—actually called me Freddie." Brian sighed solemnly and said.

"She still blames herself."

"What do you mean?" asked Gwilym.

"Come with me lads." Brian led them over to the cottage porch and all of them sat down along either the railings, the porch swing or on the two chairs that were out. "As you know everyone in Freddie's life suffered after his death. Some of us still grieve the way we do like Roger and myself. And there are some who became so fragile like Deacy. (Y/n).....she's always lied on the in between stage. She misses Freddie beyond anything no mistake about that, but then there are days when she blames herself."

"Blames herself?" Rami asked.

"Yes. See, when Freddie first told us that he was diagnosed with AIDS. He wanted to keep it away from (y/n), because her career was skyrocketing, plus she had her own family to look after with Kelly and the twins. Freddie didn't want her to worry about him, but one year when we were all in Montreux recording our last album Innuendo, (y/n) allowed us to stay at a vacation house of hers that she had there. That's when she began to deduce just what was wrong with Fred. He told Roger and myself that the poor dear had blamed herself for not being there for him. Because—well truthfully there was a fallout with Queen and the Rock Angel for a time. Now whether we make that into the film is unknown I know writers are always doing rewrites. But she felt like had she stepped up to Prenter or held onto Freddie just a bit longer before turning her back on him, he would've been alive today."

"Jesus." Muttered Ben.

"Poor lass." Allen muttered.

"But she couldn't have known. None of you did."

"And we didn't. Because Fred didn't want anyone to know. It was his personal business and his alone. And although (y/n) says she accepts that it wasn't her fault, there are some days where she says it is. And any reminder of it just sometimes makes her snap."

"I don't blame her. I—I know exactly what she's going through because of my dad's illness. Anything regarding glioblastoma and I just freak out. But—thanks to these guys I.....don't know where I would be."

"We're here for you mate." Gwil said as he patted Joe's knee.

"So you see guys, this film is bringing back a lot of memories for her. Good and bad. So Allen I really hope you don't take offense to what just happened."

"Not at all Brian. Besides after hearing and probably thinking what the real Paul Prenter did, no wonder why she would get defensive around Rami. I hold no grudge against her."

"Thank you. Just—give her time to cool down and then you all can go see her." The five boys nodded in agreement and took the guitarist's word.

*My POV*

After a while once I calmed down and decided I needed to find young Allen Leech and apologize for my erratic behavior. I got out of the car and dapped my eyes with a handkerchief and walked towards the barn.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Kline. We're—not sure it's a good idea for you to be here right now." Said one of the crew members. That's understandable, I knew it wouldn't be that easy.

"It's not that we don't want you here it's just that, well after seeing what happened between you and Mr. Leech. We—think it'd be best if you were to not be on the set for a while." I sighed and said.

"I understand. I was way out of line. But—can you please express my deepest apologizes to Mr. Leech. As well as the boys."

"You can tell me that yourself." An Irish voice spoke up. It was then I looked up to see the five boys themselves.

"You're not going anywhere." Said Rami.

"Mr. Malek, we....."

"We heard what you said dear. Now step away from our Rock Angel so that the six of us may talk." He came up and took my hand and the boys took me into the cottage.

We came into the kitchen area and Rami gestured for me to sit down. Joe pulled out a chair and I sat down while the boys surrounded me.

"Boys; I—what you all had to witness, I have no excuse for my behavior. I am ashamed that you all had to see me act like that. Especially you Allen dear. I—hope you all can find it in your hearts to forgive me."

"I do. Seeing me remind you of someone who—was just known to be such an arsehole and black sheep in Queen's circle, I can see why you acted the way you did. I would've done the same thing too had I seen someone I hate come back and standing before someone who was once a dear friend of mine." Allen said. He came up to me and extended his hand.

"Why don't we forget this whole mess ever happened and start over? Hello Rock Angel, my name's Allen Leech." I looked up at him and smiled as I took his hand.

"Pleasure to meet you Allen darling. And please like I've told these guys, call me (y/n)." he smiled and that's when I stood up and hugged Allen and he hugged me back.

"Aww now that's sweet." Rami cooed.

"We're all friends now." Joe said with a smile.

"Yes. We're all friends. Now get in here you lot, group hug boys!" they all laughed and cheered as we all came together and group hugged each other. Forming a new bond and a new start with one another.

Thankfully the studio actually managed to let me stay the rest of the day after that whole fiasco (all thanks to the boys but mostly Allen for agreeing to not press charges on me for assault). Of course they warned me that with another outburst like that, not only would I not be allowed on set again, my consultant position would be taken away.

So I was more well behaved than usual after hearing that I would be kicked off the set.

Right now the lads were recording Gwilym's bit for the guitar solo, but what was cool was that the crew decided to allow Brian to play the solo for the fun of it. So as the playback of Freddie's voice came on, Gwilym stepped aside while Brian came in his spot and began playing his guitar solo.

I stood beside Gwilym as we both observed Brian playing the famed Bohemian Rhapsody guitar solo. I even took my phone out and took a video of what was going on. After the solo, Gwilym walked over to Brian and I made sure to get both of them in the shot.

"That's brilliant. I love that." Rami's voice spoke as Freddie from the other side of the recording studio.

"So now what?" asked Gwilym.

"The operatic section." Said Rami. Both Gwilym and Bri nodded. A grin spreading across Gwilym's face as he muttered.

"Ah-huh. The operatic section. Good."

"Of course." Brian said. Jesus just seeing them like this and hearing the same voice come out of them, it really was like we took Bri back from 1975 and brought him here.

When Dexter Fletcher called cut, I stopped my video and said.

"Oh man Jack's gonna flip when he sees this."

"Is he ever gonna come by for a visit?" Brian asked me.

"Yeah I myself would like to meet the famous Jack Kline." Joe said from the other side of the booth.

"Well unlike us where we know when our schedules begin, law enforcement doesn't get days off. Especially when he's going for the Chief's chair. But who knows maybe he might come by for a day if not a few hours."

"I hope so. It's been awhile since we've seen that husband of yours." Brian told me.

"Yeah, I know. Jack misses coming in every day just like the old days."

"I'll bet he does. Or he just misses seeing the love of his life perform and rehearse. Back in the day when you kids first started dating, he'd always have that puppy love look in his eyes as he watched up on stage. Remember the time in Seattle?"

"That was in Houston, Bri. If you're meaning the time he was so distracted by watching me that he almost ended up tripping over the stage, that was in Houston, Texas."

"Oh yeah that's right."

"Alright we've had our fun, now let's do this for real. Gwilym get to your mark. Brian and (y/n), gonna have to ask you both to get out of the shot frame please."

"Good luck Gwilym dear." I said as I gave him a peck on the cheek for luck as Brian handed him his original red special and we both walked out of the frame and stood behind the camera.

The day continued on filming the boys recording the famed song that this movie was named after and I swear to you, it was like I was seeing history happen. Like I was transported back in time to the summer of 1975 and seeing my boys (just five years before they even became my boys, back when I was just one of their millions of fans) record one of my favorite albums.

And even seeing the struggle and perfectionism that Freddie had for this song. Rami truly brought Freddie's perfectionist behavior right onto the camera and it just—had me bewildered. It was like I was seeing Freddie again, hard at work on his masterpiece.

After a long day's filming, Brian and I unfortunately had to head back to the city to actually record an album together that he was helping me produce. Since touring was over for now, the boys and I (yes including Adam) we were all focusing on our solo stuff now till the next tour came around.

And since Bri had some free time after working with a talented young woman, I had asked him to come help produce my latest album 'Resurrection'. Ever since hearing about the Queen film and also hearing that Elton as well was going to make a biopic film, the title was named in honor of their upcoming films.

Because it would show a whole new generation of audiences what their stories were and show them that like a phoenix, Queen and Elton will resurrect because you can't keep down true legendary artists.

So for about 2 weeks Brian helped produce the album and of course he and I would post on our Instagram accounts both pictures of brief videos of some behind the scenes stuff of our partnership together.

"And there she is. Working diligently as ever." I heard Bri said. I looked up from my I-Pad to see him holding his phone, probably taking a video for his collection package he likes to do on certain events on his Instagram.

"Yes and I thought you'd be helping me too."

"I am. I'm your publicity for now, then I'll go back to being your producer." I smiled and laughed as Brian chuckled. He turned his phone onto him as he spoke to his Instagram followers, "As you can see we're both working extremely hard. Now we can't give too much away, but you can expect this album to be just as powerful as her previous albums in the past."

"But we unfortunately have to go now, our special guest on the album has just arrived and like Bri said, I never give away spoilers." I said as I came in the shot now.

"Okay well you heard the Angel ladies and gents, this is us signing off till next time. Bye."

"Bye!" Brian turned off the video camera and exited his account. And just as he pocketed his phone away, my special guest came in through the doors.

"(Y/n)!"

"Pink, my sister how have you been?" Yep you read right. I had reached out to the one and only Pink to come sing a duet with me. For years since she came up on the market, people have confused our voices cause she and I had the same powerful low range vocals.

Our first time doing a duet was—oh gosh I wanna say very early 2000's. I wanna say even just shortly after the 9-11 attack. I wanted to bring up an album that would spark some life and hope into the people of America, my in-laws especially cause when we lost Jared and Gen, the whole family felt like it was gonna come apart.

I auditioned several young female artists to sing along with me but their voices just either weren't right for the album or they sounded too nasally. But when this young woman at the time, an artist barely known came along, it blew me away at how our voices could mold well together.

So with me singing in a higher range and her taking the low range we launched the song 'Death by bombs, (live by hope)'. It was at the #1 charts in America for the entirety of the New York cleanup and became a national anthem. Pink and I were even asked for several years to sing the song every 9-11 for about 9 years.

Now here we are again six years after our last collaboration.

"You ready to do this?" I asked her.

"Angel, I was born ready. Anytime to sing with you is always gonna be a good one."

"Alright then ladies, step into the booth and let's get this song rolling."

"You got it Brian." Pink said enthusiastically as she and I walked with an arm wrapped around each other's shoulders and we walked into the booth together to begin our work.

Another week passed and when I received a message from Ben Hardy telling me that they were about to start filming my all time favorite music video 'I want to break free' I was on the first flight back to England (since I was recording the album in America) to see the shooting for myself.

I walked through the studio and everything came flooding back. The extras in the cow patterned leotards, the design of the music video set but it wasn't until I saw Joe dressed in the same granny attire that Deacy wore that hit me with pure nostalgia.

"Oh my god nana Johanna I did not know you were still alive." I said exasperatedly.

"Yeah, yeah hahaha very funny." Joe sneered.

"No, no Joe don't take my comment as an insult. You look—every ounce from what I remember Deacy looking like the day I came by with my wedding invitations."

"You were passing out wedding invitations during this music video?" he asked me. I nodded with a hum.

"Jack and I decided to come by to see the guys cause I wanted to deliver their invitations personally. And also ask them to walk me down the aisle since—well you probably know."

"Yeah I get it." He said as he came up and placed a hand on my shoulder. "So you really think I looked exactly like John did?"

"Absolutely. All that's missing is a crying girl crying out 'where's daddy! Where's daddy! That's not my daddy'."

"Okay this could be my dirty mind but that sounded—" I playfully slapped him in the back of the head.

"You're right to get your head out of the gutters young man! I was referring to his daughter Laura. I mean I wasn't there to see it, but Veronica had told me just shortly after the shoot that she had brought the kids over to see their father. Of course Michael and Robert were hysterical with laughter, but poor little Laura who was only 4 at the time was crying cause she didn't recognize her dad."

"Awww well if you wanna recreate it, I can call my sister and get my niece on Facetime to see if it'll work."

"As much as I would love to see that, let's not scar your niece up for life. But yeah, Laura kept denying that the old granny was her dad. Until he took off the wig and she recognized her daddy's fluffy hair."

"That is literally the most adorable thing I've ever heard."

"I know. Laura was a sweet kid. She was the one most attached to me when I first met her. She even recreated a bit of my song for my birthday when she was just 3 years old."

"Okay (y/n) seriously stop you're gonna give me cavities at this point." I laughed and said.

"Alright now show me the rest of the boys, I want to see them."

"They all look amazing. Except for Ben." I looked at him skeptically but he just took my hand and led me towards the kitchen part of the set. There I saw Rami by the table in the pink shirt and leather black skirt, sporting the 1950's hairdo and nails that Freddie wore that day. Gwilym by the fridge in the pink nightie and bunny slippers, along with the curlers, and of course Ben in the 'Rogerina' getup.

The same style wig, the schoolgirl outfit with the leggings, the heels. Wow he looked more of a Rogerina than the real Roger did for this music video.

I let out a wolf whistle and that's when the three of them turned towards me.

"Rogerina has returned. The women who makes men drool at her feet and women turn for her. And if my son Freddie were here, honey you would most certainly turn him."

"God (y/n) please stop embarrassing me." Ben whined.

"I shall not. My cousin Rogerina was the talk of the town back home. Of course along with Aunt Brianna and Fairy godmother Frida."

"Is that what you really called the guys when you saw them like this?" asked Gwilym.

"Who do you think started the trend names? Freddie's was—kinda last minute since....well due to certain things going on at that time. But really you guys, I love each and every one of you."

"I'm still disappointed in Ben's look." Joe bluntly stated.

"And why's that?"

"His thighs are too big. Too much rugby."

"Yes Joe I know. I've been trying to slim down as best I could but these thighs man!"

"Not everyone can please everybody Ben. But trust me when I say, fans will love this and will love you as Rogerina. Plus I think you look absolutely beautiful."

"You really think so?"

"Hell yeah. You're still prettier than I am."

"Oh come on now that's never gonna happen. You are an eternal beauty."

"That's what I've been telling her for years." A voice said behind us. No way. It—it couldn't be. I turned around and my ears weren't deceiving me at all.

Dressed in grey shirt with a dark color blazer and dark blue jeans, the greying of his once blonde hair but those warm eyes of his were unmistakable. A wide smile spread across my face as I laughed out and walked towards him.

"Jack!" I hugged him and he hugged me back. I separated but kept my arms wrapped around his neck. "What are you doing here?"

"The case got solved so I figured might as well put some time off and see just what you and Freddie were talking about. So I called up Roger and asked him where the filming was at, and here I am."

"Ohhh you." I leaned forward and we gave each other a loving kiss.

"Awww." We separated from each other and I cleared my throat.

"Whoa. Okay did we just transport back in time?" asked Jack.

"No love. Boys, I'd like you to meet my husband and the love of my life for over 30 years, Jack Kline. Jack, this is Rami Malek, Gwilym Lee, Joe Mazzello and Ben Hardy." I pointed to each of the actors individually.

"It's a pleasure to meet you boys." Jack said with a wave.

"Believe us, it's an honor to meet you Mr. Kline. Brian, Rog and (y/n) have told us many stories about you." said Rami.

"Oh god, if Roger was telling the stories he made me look bad didn't he?" I playfully slapped his chest.

"Not all the time." replied Ben.

"In all seriousness, I must say.....wow this is....."

"I know right? Oh darling just wait till you see the Live Aid sequence Brian managed to record. Don't they just look the part?"

"Yeah. So much so that it's almost scary."

"Ohh and Jack dear, you remember back when George and Jackson were obsessed with Jurassic Park?"

"Lord do I ever. They practically ruined the tape." He said with a groan.

"Well—Joe here, played the young boy Tim in the film." I then saw Jack's jaw drop as he turned towards Joe.

"So you're—you were....."

"Yep. I was little Tim Murphy in Jurassic Park. My first major gig that got my name out there."

"Wow. And seeing you now dressed like this it—you look so much like him." Jack said in awe. I turned to Joe with a 'told you so' look.

"Yeah it was scary to see just how much I looked like him. I even asked my mom if she was up to anything around 1983." Jack laughed.

The rest of the day was spent seeing the boys perform the music video, as well as a couple more stage concerts from both the 70's and 80's. When Jack got to see these four young actors in full Queen costume and hair/makeup, he was blown away. As we were in the back of the extras who were the crowd, Jack kept his arms around me as we watch in awe.

His head leaning against mine as we watched Rami literally become Freddie with every strut, head turn and bent back, se saw Gwilym play a model of the red special guitar just how Brian is known for, Ben working hard in the back with the drums literally playing just like how Roger is known to play. But I know that out of the four of them, Jack was beyond amazed at seeing Joe Mazzello play his former mentor and idol John 'Disco' Deacy.

His bass playing and even doing the funky little moves that John as known to do on a more upbeat song like 'Fat Bottomed girls,' or 'We will Rock you'. We clapped along with the extras and cheered for them. I knew that with what I've seen so far, this movie was going to be—sensational. Just like the band themselves.

Later that night after wrapping for the day, Jack and I were now at home getting ready for bed.

"So, what did you think of it?"

"They picked the right actors. And the right team to work on it. You were right (y/n)."

"Of course I am." I teased.

"Don't get cheeky with me love, you know what I mean. This movie it—it's everything I hoped it would be. I just wonder if—he would've loved it." I looked at my husband empathetically and said so

"He does." I looked out towards the window up at the stars and continued, "They both do." I felt Jack wrap his arm around me and the two of us cuddled up close together and fell right asleep after a long and busy day.

[olivia200312]

Covid~ TFP! Optimus x Sick! Human! Reader *Request*

Requested by the lovely @StardustUltima

Plot: Hi, there! Idk if you're still taking requests, but could you do a TFP Optimus x Sick! Reader where the reader gets Covid and is sick? I just got Covid and am a little bummed out cuz I had to leave the camp I was at. It's totally alright if you don't want to write this. I won't judge! Thank you!

Sorry that you have Covid, requester. It must suck. But I hope that you're feeling better. Many people survived.

Note: the art goes to the owner!

Head area: Brain: Processor / Brain Module Head: Helm Face: Face plate Ears: Audio receptors / Receptor Orifice / Audials Nose: Enstril / Olfactory Sensor Eye brow: Optical Ridge Eyes: Optics Mouth: Intake Lips: Dermas Teeth: Denta/Dentas Tongue: Glossa

Chest area: Chest: Chassis / Thoraxal Cavity Back: Hexa-Lateral Scapula Spine: Bipedalism cord / Back Strut

Chest and back armour: Chest plate Back plate Mid-section plating Neck guard Side plating

Arm area:

Arms: Arms / Restarlueus Forearms: Bitarlueus Hands: Servos Fingers: Digits

Arm armour: Gantlets Shoulder pads Arm guard

Lower area: Pelvis: Pelvis Butt: Aft / Skid-Plate Thighs: Tibulen Calves: Cadulen Feet: Pedes - the high heel bits are called Struts or Heel Struts.

Lower armour: Skirt plates Aft plate / Skid plate Thigh guard Ankle guard

General/Internal components: Muscles: Cables / Pistons - It depends on the area in question. Veins: Fual lines Stomach: Tanks Lungs: Vents - used to stop the con/bot from over heating. Heart: Spark Tattoos: D-con/A-bot Insignias and the lark T-Cog: The thing that allows all Cybertronians to transform, be that their arms or their whole body.

Bonus:

Penis: Spike

Vagina: Valve

Body: Frame

-------------------------------------

Y/N let out a sneeze again and covered her mouth with her elbow because she coughed. She's been feeling ill for the past few days, almost a week! One day, she suddenly started to cough and the next thing she knew, she sneezed! It got worse that she started to feel ill and hot!

A year ago, a new virus broke out. It broke out in China but no one knew what that new virus was. When someone died, it was so unexpected and unknown what the cause was until the scientists found out that it's a new virus that caused it. They named it Covid-19 or just coronavirus. It belongs to the family of other coronaviruses. There are some other coronaviruses and some of them are dangerous but the new Covid-19... it's getting serious. More deaths came in, people stayed home, kids can't go to school.

In other countries, they started a search on how to protect yourself from the new virus if it arrives in their country. They found good tips like washing your hands, stay home if you feel sick, stay away from the crowds, wear a mask, and stay like 1.5 meters away so respect the distance. Soon, the virus arrived in other countries. In the beginning, China and Italy are the most damaged countries because of how many deaths are reported. Some countries had the virus under control but they lost control and it got worse.

It got so worse that schools closed down, many adults lost their jobs, ... Worse, kids are starting to get infected and they had to stay home. Doctors are doing their best to save people but the people who have illnesses, they're higher victims to die, including kids. It's honestly so depressing. The virus spread in Jasper Nevada and some people got infected. Jack, Miko, and Raf wore masks when they were outside or in school. Y/N followed the rules as well! But, the bad luck arrived and... she got infected. She was now at her house, feeling hot and weak. She can't go to school or else she'll infect others. Jack, Miko, and Raf had to get tested since they had close contact with her. None of them got the virus. Lucky them. June Darby, Jack's mother, is a nurse, and let's just say that ever since the virus arrived in Jasper, she had to work for HOURS! Many doctors and nurses fainted from exhaustion.

Y/N tried her best to take care of herself, to get herself strong again since her body is fighting against the virus. If the scientists found a vaccine already, then they will inject many people. Yes, even if it doesn't protect yourself 100%, your body will recognize very fast when there's a virus inside. If the body starts to fight soon as possible, you have a higher chance of getting healed.

Oh, yeah. Ever since Y/N got the virus, Jack, Miko, and Raf got worried sick about their friend. Y/N couldn't even go to the base! She refused since she doesn't want to get others infected. The Autobots did notice that people wore masks whenever they are in public and they heard about the virus but they got worried when Y/N didn't show up for a week. They got the answer why.

Jack, Miko, and Raf were at the base. When they arrived, they took their masks off. Thye breathed in relief since the masks are so irritated to wear!

"Finally off with the masks!" Miko shouted.

Ratchet, the medic of the Autobots, got annoyed and a bit mad when he heard Miko's loud annoying voice again. He looks over his shoulderplate. "Will you quiet down?! I'm trying to work!"

"Jeez, sorry, doc," Miko grumbled.

Ratchet let out an annoyed sigh and continued to work  He seriously likes to be called by his name, not anything else!

That's when the others came, including Optimus, fragging handsome leader. The Prime then noticed that Y/N was not around again, which got him immediately worried. "Where's Y/N?"

Jack, Miko, and Raf looked sad. They knew the truth, of course since they're humans... Humans can get infected with the new coronavirus. All bots saw their sad expressions. It gave them a sign that something horrible happened.

"Y/N is at her home. You all heard about the new virus, right?"

Everyone at the base nodded.

"Y/N is... infected with the virus. She has a high temperature and is not allowed to leave home."

Optimus couldn't believe what he heard in his audio receptors. His human got infected? Yes, he calls Y/N his human. They're not together, but they both are crushing on each other. He couldn't help but be worried sick about her. You know what? He didn't care anymore what others will say. He ran through the exit and transformed into his semi-truck form. That's when he drove off.

"Wait, where's Optimus going?! Miko asked in shock.

Ratchet showed a little smile while his back is turned. He's proud of his old friend because he's going to help her. He also knows that he's going to transfer her here to the base so that Ratchet can keep an optic on her health. He may not found the cure like how the human scientists are doing now, but he knows how to take of the patients, to make sure that they're strong. In secret, he cares a lot about his loved ones, even his human friends. Nice thing from him, right? "He's going to help her."

At Y/N~

Y/N sneezed again and coughed. She grabbed a tissue from the box and blew. Once she's done, she threw it right in the trashcan. Goal. She really wants to feel better again. It sucks! She let out a weak sigh and that's when her door to the garden opened. That perked her up in alarm. She quickly grabbed a wooden chair and slowly crept to the kitchen, scared and weak. She raised the chair and that's when she was about to swing but a certain familiar servo caught it in time.

"You should be in berth, Y/N."

"O-Optimus?! Oh, gosh... I'm so s-sorry! I thought you were a burglar!" She quickly dropped the chair.

Optimus let out a chuckle and smiled softly. He was in his bipedal holoform and he hid his truck nearby. He doesn't want to attract any Decepticons. His optics filled with sadness, worry, and sympathy when he saw her condition. He looks very weak. She seriously needs help. That's when he picked her up, causing her to yelp and clutch into the Prime for dear life. But when she felt how cold he is, she pressed herself against him.

"I'm bringing you to the base to the base, Y/N. I worry about your condition."

Y/N couldn't help but squeal inside by how cute Optimus is when he worries. She wanted nothing but to kiss him and tell him that she'll be ok. But she nodded her head weakly against his cold metal chassis. That's when she felt sot dermas press against her forehead. Aaaw, Optimus kissed her forehead! But can Cybertronians get infected with human, viruses? Now that worries her the most. "O-Optimus, please let me go!"

Optimus looks worried. "May I ask why?"

"Y-You'll... get infected with my virus!" That's when she burst into tears and cried. She looks away while crying, causing Optimus's spark to shatter. She was scared that he'll get infected with human sicknesses? He couldn't help but looks so lovingly that he made her turn her head gently and that's when he kissed her warm cheek. "We Cybertronians do not get infected with humans sicknesses."

"R-Really?"

"Yes, Y/N. But I'm very worried about your health. Ratchet will help you."

Y/N nodded weakly and snuggled close against his cold metal. Optimus frowned since he's worried and walked out through the backdoor towards his truck that was hiding. He'll get her stuff later or send one of his teammates to get it. He gently laid Y/N down on the seats and then went in as well.

At the base~

Optimus parked and transformed, causing Y/N to be on his servo. He looks so soft at her weak body. He then walked to Ratchet. "Old friend."

Ratchet turned around and when he saw Y/N, his optics widen. "By the AllSpark, lay her down on the medical berth."

Optimus did as told and Ratchet started doing different tests. At least it was not painful, but it's some of them were unpleasant like, for example, a long then stick where it enters your nose and is like touching your brain! When the tests are finally over, Ratchet held a datapad and looked serious. "Her body is very weak and needs a lot of vitamins in order to make the chance of defeating the virus higher. She needs to drink a lot of water and eat 3 fruits per day."

Optimus nodded. "Thank you, Ratchet."

"Make sure that she has plenty of rest. I'll make sure that the children stay away for their safety. I'll come to check on her health every 3 megacycles (hours)."

Optimus nodded again, gently picked the weak human up, and walked towards his berthroom. The Bots are lucky that they can visit Y/N without a single problem but Jack, Miko, and Raf have to stay away. Optimus entered his room and closed the door behind him. He then laid Y/N down on his berth. He watched her breath for a moment, then he transformed small. He laid down next to Y/N and pressed against her body. Y/N snuggled against him and opened her eyes tiredly. Optimus gave her a soft and soothing smile as he pressed his dermas against her soft lips. Y/N responded by kissing him back happily.

When the kiss was over, Optimus spooned her. "I'll make sure that you're strong again, Y/N."

Y/N smiled while enjoying her sweet cuddles with her new boyfriend. Optimus continued to spoon her and leaving soft kisses on her.

[writeforfandoms]

Shake, Rattle and Roll 3

Chapter 3 is here folks! I’m rewarding you for me recovering from the vaccine.

Chapter one is here and chapter two is here

Summary: Things fall apart very quickly when you’ve got six prospectors and a supposed map to the treasure of all treasures. 

Warnings: More murder. Just one this time. Things crashing. Some blood, but nothing explicit. More swearing.

Tags: @fandom-blackhole @pedrocentric

--

"Do you mind if I ask you a question?" Ezra asked as the two of you descended the stairs to the basement.

"Sure." You paused briefly at the bottom of the stairs, taking a quick look around. Nothing obviously wrong, fortunately, but lots of junk.

"Why are you so determined to help the young lady upstairs? Not that I'm of a mind to disagree with you."

You paused, half-turning to look at the man behind you. His eyes were curious at the moment, not quite shrewd.

"Let's just say I know how awful being an orphan can be," you said, turning away again and venturing further into the basement. It was all one large room, with shelving lining the walls and cloth-covered furniture crowding the space. "Kevva, how does anyone find anything in here?"

"With no shortage of difficulty and frustration, I imagine," Ezra said cheerfully. "And quite possibly no lack of colorful metaphors."

You barked out a laugh at that, shaking your head. "Colorful metaphors," you muttered, amused. 

“Are you actually looking for this supposed map?” Ezra asked. “Or are you just having a grand time exploring?”

“Exploring, mostly,” you answered easily. “I mean, who would keep a map in the basement? I’m pretty sure nobody’s been down here in years, look at the dust layered on everything.”

Ezra hummed, and when you turned he was right behind you, making you jump. “It would seem that we have some decisions to make, and unforeseen time in which to make them.”

You crossed your arms over your chest, side-stepping so you weren’t backed against the wall. “Such as?”

“The girl.” Ezra held up one hand to belay your protest. “I agree she is far too young to be in the midst of this dangerous situation, but if we are to help her, we need a plan.”

You nodded slowly. “I’d like to get her out of the house as soon as possible, but I realize that might not be possible with the other prospectors.”

“Indeed, they are unwilling to let anyone go anywhere until they have that map.” Ezra’s eyes gleamed a little at the mention of it. You felt a little uneasy - you had no interest in the map yourself. It could burn for all you cared. 

“I don’t think they’re going to find it here,” you admitted carefully. “If there even is a map. Damon wouldn’t have stashed it in the house. He would have kept it on him, or maybe left it somewhere safe.”

“Agreed.” Ezra spread his hands. “Then we are faced with the conundrum of what to do next.”

“Sneak out?” You weren’t really serious in suggesting that. It wouldn’t work. Not for long, anyway. And if the other prospectors thought you’d left with the map? They wouldn’t stop hunting you. 

“That won’t work and you well know it. You’re not a fool.” Ezra shifted to lean back against the wall next to you, separated by a couple feet of space. “No, we need a rather more… permanent plan.”

“Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?” you asked, voice low. Your gaze darted to the staircase, just to make sure nobody was lingering there. 

“These folk are hard,” Ezra said with a shrug. “They are killers, the lot of them, and I do not doubt that they would have no qualms removing any obstacles in the way of their perceived wealth.” 

You sighed. You knew he was right, you’d seen it for yourself several times on the Green. That didn’t mean you had to like it.

“I don’t think murder is necessary,” you protested. “What if we just locked them in the basement and ran? They’d pick the lock eventually, but we could all just vanish. Pretty sure I’m the only one of us with anything resembling a permanent address.”

“That’s not much of a solution either,” Ezra said, shaking his head. “Now, dove, I understand this might be an uncomfortable reality, but reality it is.”

“Dove?” you asked, completely sidetracked even as you bristled a little. 

“Not the time,” Ezra protested. 

“I suppose you’d rather wait until we’re doing something rash,” you grumbled right back at him. 

You both froze when the doorbell rang. It felt like the whole house froze. There was no noise for ten long seconds, and then the doorbell rang again. All at once, you and Ezra were scrambling up the stairs to see what was going on. 

The other four prospectors all stood in front of the door, blocking your view. But you could hear Mikken growl something about someone not being home, then a polite reply. The polite person was let inside finally, and your eyes met across the room.

She was younger than you, although an adult, and cute. She looked like someone’s friend, dressed for a night in having fun.

And then Fero brought a pipe down across the back of her head. You closed your eyes a few moments too late. The blood would definitely haunt your dreams. 

“What the fuck?!” Felicia demanded.

“We couldn’t let her live,” Fero growled. “She saw us!”

“So killing her was the answer?” Felicia’s voice was steadily rising in both pitch and volume. 

“Idiot,” Inumon scoffed. 

“And what would you have done?” Fero challenged, puffing out his chest. He still had the pipe gripped tight in one hand. 

“Not let her in and not killed her,” Inumon said, narrowing her eyes at the blonde man. Her hands both drifted, one towards a strap on her thigh, the other towards the back of her pants. Weapons, undoubtedly. 

Mikken and Fero both started talking at the same time, which quickly escalated to yelling. Inumon had a dagger in her hand a moment later, steely eyes glaring down Fero. In response, Felicia pulled a little thrower and leveled it at Inumon, which prompted Fero to pull his weapon, which caused Mikken to pull his weapon. 

“Well now there’s no need for this all to go to bloodshed so quickly,” Ezra said, hands held loose and away from his body. You half-turned to glare at him, because clearly he was crazy. They had almost solved the problem themselves! “I’m quite certain we can arrange a more peaceful resolution to this little spat.”

“We need the map,” Mikken said, glaring at the blonde siblings. “Did you find anything in the basement?”

“No,” you answered before Ezra could. “Nothing’s been moved down there in years.”

Mikken scoffed. “Fine.” He settled his gaze on you. “The girl has nothing on her either?”

“No.”

Mikken was silent for a moment before he shifted his gaze to Inumon. “Kill her, then.”

“What?” Your jaw dropped for a moment before you hardened your resolve, stepping in Inumon’s way. “No.” 

“She’s useless to us,” Mikken spat. “She’s a liability now.”

“She wouldn’t be if you would stop killing people,” you shot back. 

“Easy,” Ezra muttered from close behind you, clearly trying to warn you off of doing anything stupid. Unfortunately for him, you already had a terrible track record of that.

Inumon stepped forward, into your space, and smirked. It was a smirk that just dared you to do something, even as she drew a thrower from the back of her belt.

So you did. You grabbed the arm with the thrower and shoved it up. The shot was loud that close to your ear, and the bullet lodged somewhere in the ceiling above you. Inumon snarled and raised the dagger instead.

Ezra jerked you backwards, his hands fisted in the back of your shirt. The chandelier came crashing down in between the two of you and the rest of the group, sending shards of glass everywhere. Fero and Felicia both yelled, and Inumon fell back with a shout of pain. You saw a quickly-reddening shard of glass sticking out of her shin. 

"Time to go," Ezra said, giving you another yank. The two of you booked it for the library, where Ezra pulled the key out of his pocket. You saw Inumon raise the knife again and pulled Ezra down out of the way, the solid thud of the knife meeting wood the sound of success to your ears.

You and Ezra sort of stumbled over each other into the library, and Ezra slammed the door shut and locked it again. You were both panting with the adrenaline high. 

"What just happened?" Cee asked, staring at you both. She sounded like she both did and did not want to know. 

"Your most ardent defender here seems to have either a death wish or a sincere desire for adrenaline," Ezra told her, leaning back against the door.

"Yeah, yeah," you muttered. "Important thing is we need to get out of here." 

"I foresee a slight problem with that," Ezra told you with a sigh. He nodded to the windows. Which had bars over them.

"Well, fuck," you sighed.

[mollymauk-teafleak]

Very Okay

I was consumed with the urge to write some domestic smut so here's some soft dads Widomauk just banging it out at the end of a long week. Huge thanks to my wonderful enablers @spiky-lesbian and @minky-for-short

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Please consider leaving a comment over on Ao3!

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“...and then Una said next week she’s swimming for her Level 2 badge and she’s a little nervous, she’s got to go a whole lap. She’ll be fine, of course, but she has that whole thing about putting her head underwater so we need to make sure we keep an eye on her.”

Molly nodded, shifting so his tail wasn’t trapped under his leg, “She’ll do a wonderful job, she goes through the water like a shark. Literally, with the teeth…”

“And Trinket needs a costume put together, it’s World Book Day on Friday and apparently preschool kids have Fairy Tales as their theme? So I was thinking we could just swipe something from when your theatre group did Midsummer Night’s Dream. It’s a little short notice and I thought that would save you having to sew something new.”

“Yeah, he loves messing around back there anyway,” Molly nodded, pushing a lock of hair behind his ear, trying to angle his chest forward, “So, um…”

“Oh!” Caleb’s finger shot into the air, sending a wave of water over the edge of the tub, “Before I forget! I have to take the kittens to get their vaccinations at the vets tomorrow so if you could watch the bookstore for me, that would be such a huge help.”

“Of course baby, I can do that, but don’t you think we should maybe-”

“Thank you! I promise I’ll be super quick, I have this thing at the Academy, apparently professors are supposed to go to parties? That wasn’t on the job description-”

“Caleb,” Molly couldn’t help himself, reaching up and taking hold of his husband’s face, doing his absolute best not to laugh, “Listen, I love catching up with you but this is our date night and you were kind of about to start fucking me and it seems we’ve stalled a little? If we could get back on that, it would be great.”

Caleb took a few long, slow blinks, his eyes then travelling around him like he was only just noticing the fact that he was sharing a bathtub, naked, pressed up against his equally naked husband. Or rather, remembering that he was, it seemed like he’d been pretty into the idea when he’d been tearing Mollymauk’s clothes off and tipping him into the water.

“Oh,” his face flushed so quickly it can’t have had anything to do with the heat of the water, “I’m killing the mood, aren’t I?”

That was all of Molly’s available composure, he snorted as laughter tore it’s way out of his chest, sending his head knocking back against the rim of the tub. After a few moments, Caleb started giggling too, helplessly putting his hands over his face.

“I mean, it started well,” Molly cackled, hugging his arms around himself, as it happened sharing a tub between two people didn’t leave much water to cover you, “Y’know, growling that you were going to touch me until I screamed, that was a real good start to date night? It only went South when you started coordinating our schedules…”

Caleb groaned, tilting forward until he was resting his head on Molly’s shoulder, strands of hair falling out of his bun and drinking the water, “Sorry...There was just one thing I wanted to tell you and then it kept going.”

“It’s alright,” Molly chuckled, still cradling his head, pressing his lips to his head, “I do feel like we’ve hardly talked this week.”

“That’s just it!” Caleb sighed, melting a little in his husband’s arms, gingerly letting him take his weight, “Between the store and now me being an associate professor and you doing tech week, I feel like I only see you when I bump into you in the hallway.”

Molly had to admit he was right. Of course he was endlessly proud of his husband, the fact that he’d had the courage to even step over the threshold of the Soltryce Academy after everything he’d been through there, let alone accept a job and try and make the place better, was incredible. Making this huge step in his recovery all while maintaining the little bookstore he’d been running for the last few years, coming home tired and smiling every day, satisfied and certain of his place in the world. It was everything Molly had wanted for him.

But he couldn’t lie, he was starting to miss him.

Mollymauk smiled softly as he traced his fingers through his hair, “Well, I’m kind of glad it’s not just me who was thinking that...that’s kind of why I asked if we could make tonight a date night.”

Molly felt Caleb deflate a little in his arms, “And I turned it into some kind of press conference. I’m sorry, Mollymauk.”

Starting to purr, the tiefling’s tail found its way around Caleb’s leg, squeezing like some kind of comforting snake, “I’ll hear no apologies from you, Mr Caleb. What I wanted was to spend time with you and that’s what I’ve got. Minus clothes too, which is a nice bonus.”

Caleb made a soft, decisive noise, pulling himself back up, bracing his hands on the rim of the bath either side of Molly’s head.

“But if I went back to that whole ‘touch you until you scream’ thing? Would that be alright?” his smile turned crooked.

Molly unsuccessfully suppressed an undignified squeak of mixed shock and arousal, his smile flaring into a full blown grin.

“Oh that would be pretty okay too, yeah.”

Caleb gave one of those rough, rumbling laughs that Molly loved so much, the ones that only came out when Molly knew he was about to become the sole focus of Caleb’s not inconsiderable attention, when the brain that normally went in ten different directions and most of those on other planes of reality, was about to zero in on him and him alone.

Molly yelped as he felt surprisingly strong arms slide under him and lift him out of the water, sending rain pattering down from their bodies.

“Babe!” Molly locked his arms around his shoulders like a vice, “This is romantic and all but you’ve got skinny noodle arms!”

“Charming,” Caleb snorted, “You don’t weigh all that much, Liebling. I won’t drop you.”

Before Molly could properly address his doubt about that- he’d once watched his husband struggle for twenty minutes to open a jar of peanut butter that wasn’t even new- they were moving, water scattering generously along the hallway. Apparently lifting books all day was better for your upper body strength than Mollymauk had realised because, true to his word, Molly wasn’t dropped until he was tumbled into bed, Caleb following pretty soon after.

Eagerly he dragged him closer, pressing their lips together, barely letting a heartbeat pass before he slid his tongue across Caleb’s. He hiked his legs up around his husband’s waist like he was anchoring him there, like any bare inch between their bodies was just unbearable. Caleb’s hands felt like they were everywhere, so much so that Molly wasn’t convinced there wasn’t magic involved. Just the warm, roughened touch of his broad hands sliding across his shoulders, following the curve of his spine to press their bodies closer, kneading the softness of his thighs. Everywhere he needed him, Caleb was there and still it didn’t feel like enough.

Almost the exact moment he had that thought, he was turning, rolling, until suddenly he was on top and Caleb was grinning wickedly up at him, his normally bright blue eyes dark with want.

“Want to ride my tongue, Liebling?” he purred roughly, knowing the answer full well but still wanting to hear him say it.

Molly obliged him, whimpering, “Oh fuck yes.”

It wasn’t that people would look at Mollymauk and expect him to always prefer the dominant role in bed, he was well aware of the vibes he gave off and cultivated them carefully (though if anyone were to let their gaze linger more closely they’d notice the two fingernails on his right hand kept deliberately short). It was more that they would notice Caleb, hiding behind his hair and hunching his shoulders and never speaking above a low murmur and never imagine him as the kind of person to take control. Of anything really, let alone someone like Molly. He didn’t look like he could command a one person canoe in a swimming pool.

How little they knew.

Molly gripped the headboard so hard that the nails he did keep long and wickedly sharp bit into the wood, levering himself up a little, bracketing Caleb’s head with his knees. He hovered at first, even as his thighs trembled with anticipation, with the intense sensation of those eyes examining him meticulously. Suddenly he was incredibly aware of how wet he was, conscious of every bead of slick, every pulse of heat through him, the stiffness of his cock.

No one would look at Caleb and see a man capable of nearly making his husband come from eyes alone.

“So cruel of me to make you wait,” Caleb’s voice was a rumble in his chest, “And yet you look so beautiful when you’re desperate…”

“Caleb,” Molly whined, teeth gritted, the lightest brush of his husband’s breath enough to make him beg shamelessly, “Please.”

“My apologies,” Caleb’s accent got noticeably thicker when he was turned on, like the part of his brain usually keeping him in Common was slipping. Or perhaps he just knew it drove Molly wild, “Just admiring…”

He took hold of Molly’s thighs and pulled him down, until Molly felt the rough scrape of his beard against his flesh, the contact after so long waiting wrenching a soft cry from him. Then he felt his wizard’s lips part, his tongue, warmer, trace a teasing path between the valley of him and the cry became a throaty moan. He couldn’t help it, almost immediately he was rocking his hips, seeking more, every nerve ending screaming for it.

Caleb tapped his thigh smartly, half in warning that he hadn’t given permission, half in warning that- while drowning in him would be a rather pleasant way to go- he’d prefer not to go at all if the option was there. Molly forced himself to still, even as it made him ache between the legs, tipping his head back and taking deep, desperate gulps of air.

Back in control, Caleb rewarded him with broad, generous strokes of his tongue, keeping it flat so Molly felt every inch of it. He took his cock in his mouth, rolling it around his tongue, scraping lightly with his teeth, kissing and lapping and sucking like he was eating some fruit. Finally, he found his entrance, probing gently and then far less gently, pulling him close so he could plunge deeper.

Molly was as vocal as ever, clinging to the headboard for dear life, tail stiff and straight in the air. He’d learned, he kept his hips still but there was no need, Caleb was in control. He rocked him back and forth, using every ounce of this surprising strength, giving Mollymauk everything he needed, leaving him nothing left to take.

Molly’s frantic, formless moans and screams haphazardly threw themselves into something close to words, “Caleb, I...oh fuck, baby, I’m...gonna…”

Through the haze of it all, he felt two quick taps on his thigh, Caleb’s affirmative answer. His signal that it was okay to fall, that Caleb would catch him.

And so he did. A last scream tearing its way from his raw throat, Molly’s shoulders locked and his chin hit his chest as it all rolled through him, as it lit him up from the inside out. He couldn’t have said how long it lasted, only that when it was done with him he felt as exhausted as he ever had. Enough that when he started to sway too hard and fell, he didn’t have the strength to catch himself.

But Caleb did. Moving quickly, he sat up and wrapped his arms around his husband, snagging him before he could tumble off the bed.

“Easy there…” he panted, grinning.

Molly’s eyelids felt leaden but he couldn’t bear not to look at Caleb right now, smiling wonkily back and leaning into his embrace, “You are fucking magical.”

Caleb giggled, gently laying him down against the pillows, curling on his side beside him. The lower half of his face was shining in the low light, his smile soft and shy and sweet again. Molly reached up and laid a gentle hand on his cheek, like he was worried he would disappear if he didn’t.

Caleb caught his wrist, turning his head and pressing a kiss to his palm, “I’m right here, Liebling. I’m right here.”

Molly exhaled in gentle relief, his eyes slowly gaining focus, “You...lie next to me. Tell me everything you want to tell me, all about your day, all about...everything. I just want to listen to you. And then when my brain puts itself together it's your turn. Okay?”

Caleb nodded, eyes wide and eager and loving, “Very okay.”

[scapegrace74-blog]

Mister April

A/N I had an angst-ridden update to the Metric Universe all queued up, and then I thought, nah.  The sun is shining, people are getting vaccinated.  Angst can wait.  So this little ficlet fits into the Metric Universe after The Second First Christmas, but before Calculation Theme.

The entire Metric Universe, now chronologically ordered, can be found here.

March 16, 2019, Spittalfields, London, England

“Wait.  You mean you’re actually Mister April?!”  Several bottles into the six-pack of Tennant’s lager that he had brought home after work, Claire’s exclamation was too incredulous for Jamie’s liking.

“Aye.  Every year since I signed on, save one.  At first t’was flattering, but now, weel...” He peeled the label from the bottle held between his knees, cursing the trajectory of their late night conversation.  The idea had been to take advantage of the fact they were both off tomorrow to spend some time with his girlfriend, listen to a little music, get a bit sloshed, then hopefully fall into bed together.

“Can I see?” Claire interrupted his momentary sulk.  “I mean, I’ve been dating a veritable calendar boy for almost two years, and I’m only just now figuring it out.  Seems a bit unfair, don’t you think?”

“Seems to me ye’ve seen me wearing far less, Sassenach.  But fine, look yer fill.”

Grabbing his laptop, Jamie entered his name and London Fire Brigade Charity Calendar into a search engine.  A stream of results filled the screen.  Claire’s eyes goggled and she grabbed the computer, opening the first image.  A much younger Jamie appeared, rugby shorts hanging from the graceful arcs of his hipbones.  He reminded her of a Thoroughbred race horse, not an ounce of flesh to spare, kinetic energy in masculine form.  She checked the date: 2012, before they had ever met.

Further clicks brought her to subsequent years.  Each showed a beautiful man in the prime of youth, fit, cocky, a devil-may-care gleam in his cornflower eyes.  She knew it was her Jamie, but she barely recognized him.

He was missing from the 2015 calendar.  Claire did the math and realized that he would have been in the hospital when that year’s pictures were taken.  Instead of primping and smoldering for the camera, he had lain in an ICU bed for weeks, before undergoing painful rehabilitation and numerous skin grafts.  The brash young man of the earlier images had disappeared, erased by an industrial explosion in an instant.  In his place, the Jamie she knew had emerged. More cautious.  More prone to sadness, but with a limitless capacity to spread joy.  Would she had fallen for him, had they met before his transformation?  She honestly couldn’t say.

By 2016, the pictures had changed.  Jamie posed in a shirt, sometimes unbuttoned to the waist, but always with his shoulders covered.  The gleam in his eyes had dimmed, and instead of an infectious grin, his smile was forced.  She was certain no-one buying the calendar would notice.  He was still a beautiful man, with his burnished curls and Nordic bone structure.  But she could see what those photos cost him.  She knew.

“Dougal wanted me tae show my scars.  Figured t’would be good publicity, I reckon. Heroic firefighter burnt like a human candle comes back tae fight fire ano’er day. I told him I wasna some charity case he could trot out when it suited him.”

She fetched his hand from his lap, giving it an understanding squeeze.  Jamie had once confessed that he felt comfortable bearing his scars to her alone because she had already seen him at his worst, and that left no room for pity.  He was a proud, stubborn fool, and she loved him.

“You know what this means, don’t you?  There’s only one way to make this right.”

Not waiting for his response, she rose, sought her balance for a moment, and went to grab her phone.  Connecting it to their TV audio, she scrolled her music library, looking for a suitable choice.

“Aha!” she exclaimed, pressing play.  A synthetic tambourine and clap bass filled the room.  He recognized the opening lines of OutKast’s Way You Move.

“What are ye on about, Sassenach?”

“You’ve been sharing your glorious body with the Greater London area and god know who else on the Internet for years, Jamie.  As a philanthropist, I applaud you, but as your girlfriend, I’m a tad perturbed.  I am hereby re-asserting my rights to exclusive content.  Now stop lollygagging and get your fine ass off the couch.”

“Sassenach...” he laughed, starting to grab hold of her meaning and feeling a shot of adrenaline course through his veins.  Even before his accident, he had never...

“Don’t make me put it on repeat, Fraser.  Oh, look, here comes the chorus!”

Claire sat back on the sofa, her legs tidily crossed on their coffee table.  The room was dark, except for the undying city lights outside.  No-one was there to see except the one person he trusted to look without staring, to laugh without mocking, to understand without judging.  He’d never known Claire to ask for something she didn’t truly want, and he wanted to give her everything she desired.  Even if it came at the expense of his dignity.

“Ye ken I canna dance fer shite, right?” he said as he stood, taking an extra long pull on his lager.  He was going to need all the liquid courage it could offer.

“I’m well aware.  But as the woman who shares your bed, I can testify that there’s nothing the matter with your sense of rhythm.  If it helps, don’t think of it as dancing.  Think of it as upright simulated sex.”

His face was already hot from the alcohol and embarrassment, but with Claire’s words he felt the heat spread downwards across his chest and towards his groin.  Almost without willing it, his hips began to twitch in time to the beat.

“Now we’re talking!” Claire exclaimed with a grin, leaning back like the only patron at a very private strip club.

He was still dressed for work.  The navy shirt he wore beneath his jacket had no buttons, so he began by easing it from under his belt, baring his navel briefly before sliding it back down.  Claire sulked dramatically, making him laugh.  

With the song’s next horn flourish, he reached behind his neck and lifted the shirt clean off in a single tug, shaking out his hair afterwards.  When he next glanced at the couch, his girlfriend’s smug smile was gone, replaced by a blatant leer that sent shivers down his spine.  She wasn’t even pretending to look at his face anymore, spending her time somewhere between his shoulders and his waist.  He wasn’t really sweating, but he made a point of wiping his pecs before letting the shirt fall to the ground.

“Enjoying the show?” he asked, already a tad breathless.

“Immensely.  Don’t stop now.”

Fortunately, his boots and socks had already been removed, so with the next verse he made a show of unbuttoning and unzipping his blue trousers.  Claire’s eyes followed the movement of his fingers like she was memorizing them for the exam.  He could feel his cock grow heavy.

With a shake of his ass for good measure, the pants hit the floor.  Only a tight pair of boxer-briefs stood in the way of utter nudity.  They were doing a poor job hiding his belated enthusiasm for Claire’s request.  The fact that her eyes were now glued to the bulge of his erection only encouraged his excitement.

As the repeated chorus faded away, he carefully slipped the waistband over his now-rigid cock.  The material slid down his legs and he stepped free.  If someone had mentioned his scars in that instant, he would have no idea what they were talking about.

In the ensuing quiet, Claire sat up and very deliberately began to disrobe.  Once naked, she came at him like a heat-seeking missile, one hand reaching around his back to pull him tight and the other dragging him into a kiss.  They collapsed to the floor, rolling around on the area rug in a fight for dominance.  He let her win, because feeling her rise and fall over his length like a cresting wave was the best runner-up prize he could imagine.  

The sex was torrid, and frantic, and not at all polite.  The kind that left bruises and invoked daydreams for days.  Afterwards, they lay in a sweaty heap, trying to catch their breath.

“See?  I knew you had it in you,” Claire muttered into his clavicle.  “A bit more practice and you’ll be as good as the pros.”

“I didna realize I was auditioning fer a second job.”  He brushed Claire’s curls away from where they were tickling his nose.

“Oh, I have no intention of sharing your talents, lad.   Never fear.  But I wouldn’t object to a repeat performance.   Besides, I was so distracted by the show, I completely forgot to film you!”

Jamie groaned, pulling her tighter against him as sleep called him away to dreams.

[commonwealthoccurences]

Companions React: Institute Offers Surgery To Intersex Sole

Note: Please let me know if I mishandled this or anything came across as insensitive so I can come back and fix it! I would hate to make anyone feel misrepresented or offended by the way this was written. Thank you and thank you for reading.

CW: Uh, a lot of anger and violence mentions. Lots of swearing.

The Scenario: Every time Sole sat the companion down for a serious conversation they lost about ten years off their life; no one ever did that to give good news. As soon as Sole announced they had something to tell the companion, they sat and looked up at Sole warily. After a moment, Sole took a deep breath and sat down across from them. “Do you know what intersex means?” They asked.

“Yeah.” The companion’s tone was more questioning than anything.

“I’m intersex. And I want… your opinion on something. The Institute offered, uhm, surgery. If you catch my drift.”

Cait:

Cait felt fury rise in her as soon as the words left Sole’s mouth. “And did ya ask for it first?” She stood, fists clenched.

Sole shook their head and looked down at their clasped hands, trying to push away their internal confliction to listen to Cait. “Then it’s none of their goddamn business, ya hear me? You’re perfect the way ya are, and unless taking up their offer is gonna make you happier, they can stick their offer where the sun don’t shine!” She was indignant, practically shouting by the end of her speech.

Sole laughed at Cait’s way with words, comforted by the fact that she was so furious on their behalf. “Thank you.” They replied quietly.

“Gods, they have nothin’ but audacity. Can you imagine?!” She was talking to herself at that point.

Cait paused and shook her head. “Now listen. I’m not gonna tell ya one way or another, ya know how I feel about them. If it would make ya happy it’s worth it. But never let anyone tell ya to change a goddamn thing. Especially not the Institute, of all people!”

Curie:

“I’m afraid I don’t understand. Why would they offer surgery if there’s nothing wrong?”

Sole laughed quietly. Curie was nowhere near naive, but she had yet to deal with the full spectrum of human ignorance. “It’s, uh. How do I put it? For some people, it makes them more comfortable since it’s what’s... expected.”

“And you? Would it make you more comfortable? That’s the only thing that matters.”

“I don’t know… I don’t think so. I think I’m just fine.”

“Then that’s it. You’re just fine. They should mind their own business.”

Curie stood, smoothing out the front of her shirt as she looked around thoughtfully. “Quite insulting that they were in your business like that.” She shook her head. “Disgraceful. They call themselves scientists, yet have no respect.”

Danse:

Danse had no hesitation when it came to getting angry at the Institute, but this was a whole different level. The absolute nerve astounded him. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, reigning in his anger at the fact that they would so blatantly disrespect Sole. “How do you feel about it?” He asked. After all, their opinion was the most important.

“Offended, to be honest.” They let out a short, wry laugh. “I don’t think I want it.”

“There’s no reason to change yourself to appease the absolute ignorance of an institution that helps no one. They don’t have your best interests at heart, so unless getting the surgery would make you happier, I’ll make sure you get to blow the first charge when we get rid of them.”

Sole laughed. “I’ll take you up on that offer.”

Deacon:

“What?”

“They offered surgery.”

“No, I think I must’ve heard you wrong. You’re not saying they offered you surgery because you’re intersex, right?”

Sole nodded, biting at their bottom lip in discomfort. Deacon simply began to laugh dryly, though his clenched fists and the twitching of his upper lip showed he was very obviously not impressed, nor humored. “Bold bastards. I’m sorry they’d insult you like that, Sole, you deserve better.” There was a beat of silence. “I should’ve asked first; do you want the surgery? Would that make you happier?”

Sole shook their head. “No. I’m good the way I am.”

Deacon smiled and nodded, lifting his arm for a fistbump. “Exactly.”

The two stood and returned to their tasks, silence reigning in the small room as they both got lost in thought. After a couple moments of Deacon tinkering with his weapon and Sole writing down their inventory list, they were startled by Deacon slamming his screwdriver down. “The absolute nerve of them, though! What the fuck?”

Sole simply laughed in response, shaking their head. They had no idea either.

Gage:

“And you shot them, right? Their brains are currently splattered across their grossly clean walls, right?” Gage’s gaze was intensely stern.

Sole shook their head, tempted to laugh at his protectiveness. “No. I didn’t, don’t think I would’ve made it back in one piece if I did.”

“You’re not gonna listen to them, right? They’re sick as fuck, Sole, I wouldn’t trust their standard for anything as far as I could throw one of their scientists.”

“No, I didn’t listen to them. They’re considered fucked up for a reason, Gage. I know better. It just… sucked. That they thought it was obvious or something.” Sole shook their head and played with the sleeve of their shirt. “I dunno.”

“I’ll kill them. Say the word. I swear to God.”

Sole laughed. “You can’t take on the entire Institute, Gage.”

“Watch me. Those pieces of shit need to learn their place.”

Hancock:

Hancock said nothing and simply opened up his arms. Being confronted with the fact that certain parts of society considered you different was nothing strange to him, and he knew how much it could sting. When they accepted his offer and rose from their seat to fold themself into his arms, he felt his anger surge to a new level. How dare they make them feel this way? Carefully, he rubbed their back. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” They replied, voice muffled in his coat. “Just insulted, y’know.”

“Yeah, I get it, sweetheart.” Hancock moved his hand to squeeze their shoulder. “We’ll get those bastards back, and then some, yeah?”

Sole nodded and pulled away with a resigned sigh. “Don’t worry your pretty head over it. Their opinion means nothing, y’know? God knows I’ll have to ruin them if they stress you out.”

MacCready:

“Fu-fri-no, y’know what? They deserve it! Fucking pieces of shit!” Mac cursed, voice raised.

Sole looked up at him, a bit stunned by the outburst. “Sorry.” He muttered, turning his head away. “What did you tell them? How do you feel about it?”

They shrugged. “I don’t want it, I’m pretty sure. Thought about it a lot. I just wanted your opinion, I guess.”

“What the hell does my opinion have to do with it? Whatever makes you happy is priority, Sole. Both the Institute and I can get screwed if we try to interfere with that.”

They gave him a small smile. “Thanks Mac.”

MacCready nodded and reached over to squeeze their shoulder in reassurance. He shook his head at the situation, but gave them a smile. “It’s gonna be alright, Sole. Don’t take anything they say seriously.”

Nick:

Nothing about this surprised him, and he had to roll his eyes at the Institute’s audacity. “Yeah, sounds like them. What did you say?”

“I said I wasn’t interested. I don’t know, I thought about it and it’s not something I care to get done.”

Nick nodded and fumbled with his cigarette, watching the smoke plume thoughtfully. “As long as you’re happy, yeah? I’ll walk back into that hellhole and hold your hand the entire way if you need me to.”

Sole grinned. The detective was short with words, but he always knew what needed to be said. “Thanks, Nick, but that’s not something you’ll need to worry about.”

He tapped the ash off his cigarette. “Good. They’re idiots anyway, you don’t need to change a thing.”

Piper:

Piper hadn’t felt rage overcome her that way in such a long time. Her hands shook as she placed her head in her hands and took a deep breath. “Bastards!” She cursed, then, “Sorry, Blue. What did you say?”

Sole shook their head. “I said no.”

Piper nodded and smiled bitterly. “Good.” She stood and stepped away, biting at the skin next to her nails. “Who even says something like that out of the blue? Like that’s a normal offer to make?” She threw her hands up, eyebrows narrowed in enraged confusion.

Preston:

Preston resisted the urge to clench his jaw. Maybe this was something Sole wanted, maybe it would make them feel more comfortable, despite the fact that the offer was coming from somewhere disgusting. “How do you feel about it?”

“Kind of insulted, actually. It’s not really any of their business, and I definitely didn’t ask.”

Preston nodded and pressed his lips together, cracking his knuckles absentmindedly. “We should check in with Sturges on how close to complete the plan is.” The look in his eyes conveyed all the anger Sole needed to see.

They sighed. “It’s not worth getting riled up over, Preston, really. I dunno. I suppose it might’ve been coming from a place of concern, albeit ignorant concern.”

“I won’t start something over it if you don’t want me too, but there’s a few choice words I’d love to get their way before we blow them into the sky.”

X6-88:

X6’s expression grew colder. “There was a mistake.” He stated simply.

“No, Six. They meant it.”

“Which scientist was this? What team?” He asked, calm despite the chill his expression was sending through Sole.

“Uhm, I’m not sure the specifics of her team. Doctor O’hara, with the medical staff. I was in there for vaccinations.”

X6 nodded and stood, movements stiffer than usual, which was saying something. “And this question. It was invasive and disrespectful, if I wasn’t mistaken by your tone?”

Sole nodded, not sure where he was going with this line of conversation. “I will be… speaking to her supervisor.” They had to raise an eyebrow at the inflection they gave to “speaking.” They watched him leave, wondering if they should say something, before blowing out a sigh. They’d hate to be part of that team right now.

[onlysarah235678]

A Little Bit Part 7

Pairing: Billie Dean Howard x female reader

A/N: This was supposed to be one-shot when I started, but here’s part 7 and we’re probably a little more than halfway to the finish line? Not quite sure, but here it is. There’s less angst in this one, but I’ll let you be the judge of that. Thank you to the lovely illuminated-blue for the beautiful gif. :)

Warnings: angst, kittens and a little bit of steaminess?

Returning to work on Tuesday had been a little weird for you. Not only were you reminded that everyone you worked with probably knew that you were dating Billie Dean, but you weren’t able to shake what Billie had told you about your dad.

It was a little unsettling to think about how he hadn’t moved on yet. It was also upsetting because you wanted your dad to find peace, but knowing that you were the reason why this wasn’t happening made you feel guilty. You hadn’t gathered the courage to talk to Billie more about him despite talking to her daily, and you just couldn’t shake the anxiousness and disappointment you felt while at work.

It was Thursday morning and you’d already had to tell reception twice to just hang up on any reporters who called. It was getting to be a lot and you had no idea why people wanted to talk to you so badly. You didn’t have anything to say, and you would have thought they’d take the hint by now.

Unfortunately, this was not the case, and you had to dodge Erin’s questions while trying not to notice how she was scouring the tabloids for information about you and Billie. It was distracting to say the least, so you were grateful that your busy schedule and other worries kept you preoccupied.

After finishing your last appointment before lunch, a final puppy visit that was mostly just fawning over a cute dog, you retreat to your office for a break. You have a few records to finish that you didn’t get to this morning, but you check your phone first to see if Billie texted you back. She’d been worried this morning when Mickey had been stumbling a lot when she woke up. He’d been struggling to walk and she’d called you to ask for your opinion. Given that she had an appointment scheduled for them all tomorrow, you told her to watch him and keep you updated.

She’d sent you a video, and as you watch it you get a little more concerned. At almost 4 weeks old they were moving around more, but still not really walking. The others in Bit’s litter were more active than Mickey, which wasn’t a surprise, but it seemed like Mickey had slowed down a little which wasn’t good.

You check your schedule for this afternoon before realizing that you didn’t really have time to see him today. You’re afraid that its related to his fall but you decide that it can wait until tomorrow unless he gets worse. You put your phone down after you send the message and get to work on records while you have some time.

It’s about 15 minutes later when Billie sends you another video of Mickey that changes your mind. You make sure that someone will be available and willing to help you before you tell Billie to have Heather bring them in. May as well see them all today if Heather has to bring Mickey.

“Hey Erin, are you in the mood to see kittens?”

The brunette turns toward you, holding half of a sandwich as she shoots you a questioning look.

“What kind of kittens?”

You smile before mentioning that they are Billie’s and you watch as Erin shoves the rest of her sandwich in her mouth somehow before jumping up. She runs to get ready and you just roll your eyes before telling her that you’ll be in pharmacy. You need to attach those videos to Mickey’s record anyway.

20 minutes later you are still sitting in pharmacy approving prescription requests when Erin returns. She seems more excited than you think she’d be, but you don’t get to ask before she’s practically squealing.

“You didn’t say that it would be her today!”

You’re a little confused but it only takes the sound of a familiar voice for you to understand Erin’s excitement.

“Hi, I’m here to see Dr. Y/L/N.”

A couple of minutes later, Billie was in an exam room with you and Erin trying to wrangle all of the kittens. You were mostly focused on Mickey at least for the time being as you set him down on the table and tried to get him to walk.

“Did you work from home today?”

You ask this as you examine Mickey, so you miss Billie’s brief glance to Erin who’s getting weights on the other six cats in the room. She eventually nods before deciding to go with an easy answer.

“After how he was acting this morning, I just didn’t feel like I should leave him. I’ll pay for that tomorrow though.”

You smile sympathetically as you meet her gaze before looking back to Mickey who mewls when you press on one of his legs.

“Sorry. Not your idea of a good time?”

You don’t mean it to come off as flirting, but Billie’s look indicates that she definitely took it that way. You miss the look though since you’re busy focusing on Mickey’s little legs, but Erin notices. She’d looked up in surprise at your words and immediately turned to Billie Dean to see how she reacts. She has to tamp down the urge to smile widely at the look on the medium’s face.

You were in for it later.

Instead of saying anything like this; however, Billie just shrugs before shaking her head. You are only half listening because you’re almost certain you figured out what’s going on with Mickey.

“Not quite.”

Billie watches as you nod before frowning slightly as you scratch Mickey’s ears a little. You ask a few questions about how the kittens act at home. You wonder if they rough house at all or if Bit is rough with them. Specifically Mickey. Billie says that she hasn’t noticed any of this behavior, but that Mickey occasionally found his way at the bottom of a kitten pile.

You decide that since Mickey is back spending most of his time with his siblings that they just need to keep a closer eye on him. You mention that he may have hurt his leg a little from something that happened at home. It wasn’t serious enough for x-rays but that he should be monitored for the next few days. Additionally, you were going to send home some pain medication that he’d take for the next few days. You asked Erin to go grab it while you dewormed all of the kittens. They were still too young for vaccines, but they’d come back in a couple of weeks for those.

You were glad that Billie had gotten them all colored collars because trying to keep track of which kitten was which was a pain in the ass. The only one who could easily be identified was Mickey because he was still the smallest and he had a little kink in his tail at the end.

You broke up the little tablet of dewormer and covered it in baby food for Mickey. While Mickey ate you look to Billie again with a frown.

“I’m sorry your day has been so stressful.”

Billie just sighed before taking Mickey once he was finished with his dewormer. He seemed really hungry and you’d ask about that in a second, but for now you just took a second to admire the sight of Billie Dean holding him. You watched as Mickey tried to bite one of the rings on Billie’s finger before her voice brought your attention back to her.

“It’s alright, it’s not your fault. You’re the only thing so far that’s made it any better.”

You smile at this while reaching down for the next kitten to hide your blush. You hear the door open behind you and you know that Erin’s back with Mickey’s meds so any more flirting will have to wait until later.

“Glad to hear it.”  

Once all of the kittens were dewormed and you went over how to give Mickey the medication it was just you and Billie again. Erin had reminded you that Milo still hadn’t gone out since lunch started, and luckily, she volunteered to let him out so you could keep talking to Billie.

You went over a lot of kitten things that were just around the corner, if not already happening. You mentioned how they would transition to solid food soon and how she would need to use formula for this. Most of this you wrote down so Billie could reference it later. This was a lot of information that you didn’t really expect anyone to remember.

You are distracted during your conversation about litter when you see Milo out running in the yard. He looks around before coming right up to the window. He jumps on it once before he sits and just stares at you. You are grateful that someone outside throws a tennis ball and Milo goes running off. You finish going over the important points for using litter with the kittens.

You straighten the sheets of paper you’d written on before handing them to Billie. You realize how much you’d talked and you apologize while watching Billie fold them neatly and place them in her purse.

“I’m sorry. That was a lot I just threw at you.”

Billie laughs before shaking her head. She looks to Bit who is still wandering around the room while everyone else is already back in their carrier. You go to grab her, but she hisses at you and runs away. You sigh as Billie rolls her eyes at her no-good cat.

“Don’t be. It’s going to be a huge help.”

You smile as you nod and finally manage to wrangle Bit into the carrier. You’re now on Billie’s side of the room, but you don’t hurry back as you stand up straight and take this chance to really look at Billie.

You knew by now that the woman always looked good, but there were some outfits that you liked on her more than others. Not that you didn’t appreciate them all. Today, Billie was wearing more casual clothing probably because she had just been at home, and you were finding it hard not to reach out and touch.

It was almost as if Billie had read your mind because she smiled before reaching out for you. She stopped short before she let her fingers slide along the fabric of your coat. Her smile turned into a smirk as she met your gaze with a teasing look.

“You really do look good in this.”

You breathe out a laugh before shooting back an equally teasing look. Unfortunately, you aren’t as good at this as Billie. Not that you’re surprised.

“Yeah? I almost forgot how you liked a woman in uniform.”

Billie just chuckles under her breath before she shakes her head. You’re not sure what she disagrees with, but she doesn’t make you wait long to find out.

“Not as much as I’d like to see her out of it.”

You blush so hard Billie can practically feel the heat radiating off of your cheeks. You lean back a little but don’t move too far as you laugh at your own stupidity. You run a hand through your hair before smiling back at the grinning medium.

“I walked right into that one, didn’t I?”

Billie just laughs before nodding in agreement. You definitely had. Not that she was complaining. She loved flirting with you and seeing you blush. It just made her go a little crazy seeing it without being able to respond the way she wanted to. Each time she saw your face flush, it just made her want to see what else she could do to make that happen.

Instead, since they are standing in the building that you work in, and not at either of their homes, Billie just sighs and moves away from you.

Or at least she tries to.

She drops her hands from your coat only to have you reach out for her. Your hands go to her hip and to play with her hair as you shoot her a smile.

“Just one? A quick one.”

Billie only has to smile for you to get the point, and you’re quick to kiss her. You pull her closer before groaning as the medium bites you bottom lip before soothing it with her tongue. You don’t resist as she grabs you again and backs you up into the wall. You let Billie take the lead as she slides her tongue past your lips and into your mouth. Your grip on her hip tightens and you moan as Billie’s tongue meets yours. She kisses you like you’ll be caught any minute, and you’d worry about that if you could focus on anything other than Billie Dean.

Billie Dean’s mouth against yours. Her hand fisting the fabric of your coat. The smell of her familiar intoxicating perfume.

All of this and the fact you’re still at work, technically on the clock makes the heat in the pit of your stomach flare and you kiss her harder.

You’re panting by the time Billie pulls away from you, and you don’t even have the energy to be embarrassed or annoyed by her smug smirk. Instead you just lean against the wall staring at her with wide, dazed eyes. Billie merely smooths the lapels of your coat absentmindedly as she shoots you a look that makes you want to give it all up.

You’re not exactly sure what that means, but you know in that moment that if Billie asked you to do it, you would. Without hesitation.

“Was that one?”

You don’t really register the question because your body is still trying to recover. You take a deep breath before blinking a few times to try and ground yourself. When your brain finally processes the words, it still takes your mouth a couple of seconds to form a response. You nod before attempting to stand up straight. You don’t really manage it.

“Yeah. I guess.”

Billie smiles unable to hide how her effect on you makes her feel. She’s always been the one to initiate things in her relationships because she loves to watch people squirm.  Having you respond so well to her made Billie want to do all sorts of things to you, and she would. Just not here.

She moves back toward you, reaching out, but not touching you. Instead, she plants her hands against the wall on either side of your head as she meets your slightly bewildered gaze.

“So we’re done then?”

You don’t respond immediately, but all you can think about is how you really don’t want to be done. You have maybe a half hour left of lunch before you have appointments. You couldn’t care less about that right now though and you shake your head before you’ve really thought it through.

“Maybe one more.”

Billie smirks at you. One of her hands moves to brush against your cheek and you can’t help how you lean into it slightly. She definitely notices and leans back in to kiss you again.

“Good girl.”

You feel your heart jump in your chest and your breath hitch as Billie’s words hit your ears. Your head swims and you may groan as you let Billie pull you against her. Suddenly nothing seemed to matter. Remembering to breathe wasn’t important to you in that moment. Not compared to doing exactly what Billie told you to. You felt a chill run up your spine when Billie’s hands snuck under your shirt.

You gasp into her mouth before she breaks away to kiss down your neck. You would be embarrassed by the whine that leaves you if you weren’t so turned on. You crave Billie’s touch and just knowing that it was so close, but that it wouldn’t go further while you were here was torture.

You might hear Milo bark from outside, but you aren’t sure. You don’t dare move away to check and instead you hiss under your breath as Billie’s fingernails drag across sensitive skin.

“Oh fuck.”

Suddenly Billie’s hands are gone and her lips are no longer on your neck. You almost fall you’re so unsteady as Billie moves away from you without warning. You frown until you hear a knock on the door a moment later. You don’t have time to wonder how Billie had heard them before the door’s opening.

You’re equally disappointed and relieved that Billie managed to be on the other side of the room by the time Erin stuck her head inside.

"Dr. Y/L/N. You have a phone call from the emergency hospital.”

You nod before thanking Erin and telling her you’ll be right there. You suppose it’s for the best, but you can’t help but loathe whoever it is who decided to call you right now. You sigh as you look to Billie who’s moving toward you with a smile. She reaches out to straighten your hair before biting her lip to hold back a laugh.

“Duty calls?”

You nod before looking to the carrier full of cats that you’d completely forgotten about. You take a deep breath before closing your eyes. You need to calm down and get back to work. This must be why no one has make out sessions at work. It completely ruins your concentration.

“Looks like it. You’ll let me know if you have any questions?”

Billie Dean nodded before she leaned over to grab the carrier. Bit meowed while the kittens snored away and you smiled as Billie reached for the doorknob on the other side of the room.

“Of course. Thank you for seeing us so last minute.”

You smile before holding the door open for Billie so she could use both hands to get the carrier through without hitting the door frame.

“I’ll talk to you later then.”

Billie nodded before she promised to call you tonight. You lean in quickly to plant a brief kiss on her lips before waving goodbye to the kittens.

“See you next time, kittens.”

Billie looks like she wants to say something but instead she just nods before taking a couple of steps away. She turns to leave and you do too before Billie’s voice draws your attention back to her.

“Oh and Dr. Y/L/N?”

You ignore how her saying your name like that makes you feel as you shoot her a smile. “Yes, Ms. Howard?”

She smiles widely at this but doesn’t comment as she looks around her briefly before speaking.

“Make sure to wear your hair down for the rest of the day.”  

Billie only has time to see you reach for your neck before she’s heading for the front desk. She has a feeling she’ll pay for that later, but she’s hoping it will be worth it. She loves having something to look forward to.

Erin had been working as an assistant for a few years. Since graduating from undergrad and wanting to gain experience before applying to veterinary school, she’s enjoyed most every minute that she’d worked at this hospital.

She’d seen a lot of assistants come and go, some she liked, some she didn’t. The doctors were all the same since she started except for the newest addition to the team. You had joined right after the hospital had finished construction to add more exam rooms. It was one of the larger practices around and they saw close to 50,000 clients, so they were always busy. There was never a dull moment, so Erin had learned to take advantage of the scant down time that she had at work.

She had finished putting in the charges for you and now she was just waiting around in pharmacy. A couple other assistants were sitting outside for lunch and had offered to watch Milo, so Erin didn’t have anything to do. She doubted that you needed anything else, but she wanted to be around in case you did, so she sat at the computer closest to where you were still talking to Billie about the kittens.

At least that’s what she thought you were talking about.

At some point she hears something that could definitely be considered flirting and Erin blushes slightly. She hadn’t gotten confirmation from you about your relationship with Billie Dean, but no confirmation was confirmation enough honestly. She’d read a few things written by reporters who speculated wildly despite only have minimal evidence.

Erin didn’t really care either way, well that wasn’t true. She would be thrilled because she was a huge fan of Billie’s but it wouldn’t really change anything for her. She might ask for an autograph but other than that she wouldn’t do anything different. She liked working with you and even though she was pretty sure you were making out with Billie Dean Howard behind closed doors, she didn’t see this changing.

Erin was relieved when the phone rang and she hurried to answer it. She wasn’t as excited about having to interrupt whatever it was you were doing, but the emergency hospital had a question about a mutual patient. When you finally came to pick up the phone, you were a little more put together than when she’d come knocking. Erin pretended not to notice and decided to go check on Milo.

Milo’s head turned at the sound of the door opening and another person coming outside. He ran over to her, tennis ball in his mouth before sitting down with a whine. He dropped it in front of her expecting her to pick it up and throw it again. Luckily for him, Erin did and he took off across the yard for it.

Erin sighed as she sat down next to the other two assistants who weren’t her favorite. She got along with them fine, but they had different views and opinions on certain people that made being anything other than  coworkers unlikely.

“How was the famous Billie Dean?”

Erin looked back toward Milo so they wouldn’t see her roll her eyes as she shrugged. She mentioned how the appointment was pretty standard. The only thing out of the norm was Mickey being a little lame. Erin didn’t notice either of them nod or exchange a look as she threw the ball again for Milo. He took off, nearly falling in his rush to follow the ball, and Erin had to stifle a laugh as he tripped up.

“Did you get an autograph? I’m sure Dr. Y/L/N wouldn’t mind.”

At this Erin turns to the pair so they can see her glare and her huff of annoyance. They weren’t exactly subtle with their jealousy, but she didn’t want to get in the middle of that.

“No, that would have been weird.”

Neither of them gets a chance to respond to this before one of the kennel staff comes out and says that they need to walk a dog aggressive-dog. Erin takes that as her opportunity to leave, and she calls Milo over before taking him back inside. She doesn’t look back as she leads the shepherd into the building and back to his kennel. Afternoon appointments were going to start showing up any minute.

It’s almost 6:30 when Erin has to talk to either of those assistants again. She needed help getting samples on a cat at the end of the day. It’s actually past closing time, but this cat is sick and Dr. Hahn wanted bloodwork on it. It’s a very angry cat and it takes three assistants to restrain it and draw blood.

You are finished working for today and on your way downstairs when you hear the angry yowl. You decide to go around treatment to get to Milo and not get in the middle of whatever is going on.  You grab Milo and sneak out to the parking lot. It’s dark already and you sigh as you buckle Milo in the back seat and get in. You stifle a yawn as you start the drive home, but you only make it half way there before your phone dings. You ignore it for now because it’s just a text message, and you still suck at driving in LA.

You make it home and take Milo on a quick walk before heading upstairs. You drop your things by the door, not caring about the mess before you head to the kitchen for dinner. Milo’s already fed so you let him go off on his own for a while as you figure out what to eat.

You pull your phone out of your pocket before looking at the message Billie sent. Of course it was Billie. You’re smiling before you can stop yourself, and it only grows when you see it’s a picture of Mickey. His body is scrunched up and he’s got the most disgusted look on his face.

He doesn’t like his medicine.

You laugh as you respond while trying to pull things out of the fridge. You nearly drop something, but you catch it last minute before you place it all on the counter. Milo appears behind you and you nearly trip on him as you turn suddenly to grab a pan.

“Jeez, Milo watch out!”

Your dog just pants happily as he follows you around while you cook. You ignore him for the most part as he eventually sits down while you stand at the stove. You yawn again before jumping at the sound of your phone buzzing again. It nearly falls off the counter, but you grab it just in time to see another couple of messages from Billie.

How was the rest of your day?

I hope you kept your hair down

Just like that you felt your face flush. You cursed Billie’s ability to have this effect on you when she wasn’t even here as you sighed in defeat. Surprisingly you’d managed to focus for the rest of the day on work and not think about what you and Billie had done earlier today. Of course now that you were home alone you could easily feel yourself getting hot just thinking about it.

You shake your head before you drop food on the ground without realizing it. You’re glad that it’s not something toxic to Milo because he dives for it before you even turn to see what it was. You just sigh before going back to your food and trying not to think too much into this.

I think I did, not that it mattered. Erin definitely knows what happened.

Billie looked at this message, laughing as she pictured the look on the assistant’s face as she came into the exam room. She definitely had.

Billie lights another cigarette as she thinks about how to respond to this. She honestly didn’t care if anyone knew about them at this point. With all of the stories in the tabloids, what was really the point of hiding it? Maybe you weren’t ready to go public. She’d understand that and wait as long as you needed. However, if you were okay with telling people, maybe they should do that sooner rather than later.

That didn’t mean that they should make out at your work again though.

Billie decided to bring this up the next time she saw you. Considering the fact that she didn’t get a lot of work done today, she wasn’t sure if she’d have time to see you tomorrow. She’d like to because well to be honest the tension between the two of you was driving her up the wall. She took a drag before deciding that she was going to make it work. It was going to be Friday after all. She was going to work hard and then have some time to relax. If you were available and willing of course.

Once you’re finished making your dinner you call Billie to check on Mickey. Also to just talk to her, but Mickey’s a good excuse. For some reason you feel like you needed one.

“So you never told me how the rest of your day was.”

You smile as you tell her about how it wasn’t that eventful. You didn’t get home until just now and you were exhausted. You had to work tomorrow and this weekend and you were really not looking forward to it. Mostly because you wanted to spend more time with Milo and Billie, but you weren’t going to say that now.

“How about you? Did you manage to get anything done, or were you worried about Mickey?”

Billie Dean sighs as she puts out her cigarette. She hears Bit coming down the stairs and has a feeling she needs to go check on the kittens. She stands up and starts to walk up the stairs as she replies with a shake of her head.

“No, unfortunately. I tried to, but he kept distracting me. He seems to be better though.”

You smile at this news as you shoot Milo a warning look. He can’t get on the couch while you’re eating or else he will be the one eating and you’ll be tackling him to the ground to get your fork out of his mouth. He’s eaten far too many plastic utensils for you to be lenient with him now.  

“That’s good at least. Are you going to check on them now?”

You could hear the sound of Billie’s heels on the stairs, but you were only really guessing. She smiled as she reached the top and headed toward the laundry room. She heard quiet mewls and arrived to see a pile of kittens wiggling around in their bed.

“Yes, Bit just came downstairs and Mickey’s at the bottom of the pile. Dammit.”

You try not to laugh because this is a bad thing, but hearing Billie curse and sigh in annoyance as she probably moves to rescue Mickey is something you wish you could see. You wait patiently as you hear little mewls and chitters from the kittens as they’re disturbed. You take this opportunity to finish eating and you put the phone on the table in front of you with another yawn.

“Are you tired?”

You start slightly wondering how Billie heard you before shaking your head. You realize she can’t see you and you hurry to pick up your phone, abandoning your plate on the table. Milo looks to it, but you don’t notice as you respond to Billie.

“A little. It was a long day.”

Billie hums in acknowledgement as she grabs Mickey and takes him back downstairs just as Bit is returning. She shoots her a glare muttering a dirty word under her breath before leaving the laundry room. She hears you laugh, but decided to go back to what you were talking about.

“It wasn’t all bad though?”

Billie had only really been asking about after she left. She was genuinely curious about your day, but when she hears you laugh, she realized what her question sounded like.

“Not at all. I had a very nice lunch.”

You lean back against the couch again and look up at the ceiling as you consider what you’re doing. You’re sure that if you don’t have Billie’s hands on you again soon you’ll go crazy. You close your eyes and take a deep breath, but as quietly as you can.

“Is that right?”

You have to resist the urge to smile as you hear Billie’s teasing voice come through the phone. You can’t for the life of you remember what you ate for lunch, but that wasn’t the nice part of it and you both know it.

“Definitely, but then someone came in with her kittens and interrupted it.”

You bite your lip to stop from laughing. You can practically see the look of astonishment on Billie’s face and you can’t wait to see it in person. You hear Billie take a deep breath, maybe she’s smoking, you can’t tell before she speaks.

“Be careful, Y/N. You don’t want to say something you’ll regret.”

You can only smile because despite the chill that runs up your spine, it’s much less intimidating to be on the phone with Billie talking like this. If she was in front of you, you were convinced you’d already be on your knees. You try not to think about that too much before you simply try your luck. You’re feeling a little braver than usual, and it shows when you chuckle under your breath instead of apologizing immediately.

“Is that right?”

You mimic her words feeling a rush of adrenaline wash over you as you open your eyes again. You don’t have to wait but for a second before Billie’s laughing as well, but it’s not teasing like yours. It sounds more threatening and you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t making you shiver in the best of ways.

“Just wait until I get my hands on you again. You won’t be laughing then, sweetheart.”

You suck in a breath as you sit up suddenly. You shift in your seat as you prepare to respond, but you stop cold when the sight in front of you registers.

“No! Bad Milo! Drop it!”

Milo was trying to sneak the rest of your dinner while you weren’t paying attention, but you don’t realize it until he’s hovering over your plate. You reach out for it only for him to get there first and knock it off the table in his rush to get the food. The plate crashes to the ground spilling food all over the place and you yell again when Milo just runs off with whatever he managed to get.

“Milo! You little shit!”

You groan as you look to the mess that he left before getting on your knees to clean it up. You are reaching for the plate when you hear Billie’s voice from somewhere. Where did your phone go?

“Is everything okay, Y/N? What’s going on?”

You sigh as you reach in between the couch cushions for your phone before putting it to your ear with a huff of annoyance.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Milo just stole food and made a mess.”

You start to clean again, your phone pressed between your ear and shoulder. You decide to try and pretend like the interruption didn’t happen as you speak up with a smile.

“That sounds like an invitation by the way.”

Billie’s laughing at your persistence or rather your dedication to getting what you want. What you both want. She reaches for her drink since she can’t smoke right now and takes a long sip to buy time. Or increase the tension. She’s honestly not sure which any more.

“It was, if you’re interested.”

You nearly laugh but instead just drop what’s in your hands on the table in front of you before grabbing your phone. You’ll deal with Milo and his mess later. For now, you have plans to make.

“Always. Your place or mine?”

Part 8

[jaffacakerebellion]

I posted this on Saturday but I really need people to hear this

There was a protest in my city today, by a group called ‘white rose’. They were protesting lockdowns, masks and vaccinations. They’d stuck up stickers all over a certain area, outside a library, near a university campus, and around a park. It scared the shit out of me, seeing the people in town, with about 10 police officers keeping the 25-50 protesters in a tiny (and incovenient tbh) space, not too far from where they’d put up the stickers. As I was walking home, I found some of the stickers, and tore down as many as I could see.

Some of the stickers were obviously theirs- meme templates from reddit, claiming the government was lying about the pandemic to stop people from ‘living their lives’, saying ‘the media is the real virus’ and ‘if you tell a lie enough times it becomes the truth’ and all sorts of shit. Some other stickers were much more inconspicuous- little round ones with a pair of hands tenderly holding a blue dove. Around the edge they said ‘I do not consent to another lockdown’ and ‘I do not consent to get vaccinated’. This was very similar to some of the banners they were holding, and some were wearing ‘FREE HUGS’ t-shirts.

The one sticker which stuck out to me most is one which said something like ‘how do you think the German people felt when the Nazis were taking over, with no power to stop them?’ This is the same rationale the Nazi Party used at the time to gain ‘support’- convince people there is no other way, that their system is the strongest, the right system, how will you disprove us? They scared people into their system, turning vulnerable people into fascists. The White Rose is employing Neo-Nazi thinking. To be honest, it was fucking terrifying.

After they were presumably done, they started coming back to the park where they’d already posted plenty of stickers. It’s a hot Saturday afternoon, so lots of people are in the park, families, children, and I’m busy ripping these stickers (most of them about half the size of a bumper sticker) off bins and signposts. Now, at this point I’ve already been confronted by:

- a woman with red hair (dyed red) in a black suit. She asks me what I’m doing. I tell her that some people have been spreading misinformation, and she recalls the demo in town. She agrees ‘yeah, that did look kinda like misinformation. huh. well, cool, okay’. She may just be bad at interacting with people, but there was something pointed, and I don’t think that she could pluck up the courage to tell me to look them up and find out jus how wrong I am. She didn’t look much like the other supporters.

- a woman in a ‘FREE HUGS’ t-shirt. When she asked me ‘why are you taking those down’, I already had a headache and didn’t fancy an argument, so I said ‘they’re the wrong ones.’ She couldn’t hear me, because so many people were walking past. She yelled ‘what?!’ so I repeated ‘THEY’RE THE WRONG ONES’, nodded affirmatively, and walked in the opposite direction. This, of course, was nonsense, but it left her looking incredibly fucking confused, and she eventually just walked away, which I was thoroughly delighted about, as I wanted to return and take more stickers down. I later realised that the men walking past and making so much noise was probably most of the others at the protest, like 25 men and me and her in an underpass. If they’d have seen me taking the stickers down, who knows what would’ve happened. (yes I know I made some bad decisions today and it would’ve been my fault but fuck it, when a dog shits on the pavement someone’s got to clean it up)

-Two bald middle aged white men, both holding pints. One of them yelled ‘what are you taking them down for? Read what’s on them, you might actually learn something!’ I just said nothing and stared at him as he walked away, whilst continuing to crumple one up, which I’d just taken off a railling.

- Some old Scottish guy and his family. I pretended to be taking them down bc the QR codes didn’t work and the sticker had to be replaced. He asked me why I had a mask on, I lied and said my mum wouldn’t let me out of the house without it and took it off. He told me what to go and tell my mum, whilst standing way too close, with his family gathered around him (like 6 people in total, including 2 kids). He was the reason I took a COVID test when I got home, alongside the blaring headache.

-Another family, this time the patriarch was a skinhead in a black polo shirt and jeans, same height as me (kinda short). Just like the others I was confronted by, his regional accent was very strong. Again, I said the QR code didn’t work. I started to walk away this time, kinda scared, and all his family walked up into the park, but he left his teenage daughter behind for a bit to make sure I didn’t come back (how brave). I came back anyway, but they wanted to go into the park and have fun.

But the last pair is what got me. One of them claimed to have done a biomedical science degree at the local university back in 2005. He was the only non-white person involved, and the only one who had anything scientifically based to say. However, the more I asked him about the degree he said he had, the more he started backing physically away from the conversation, claiming he had to go. The discussion I had with him lasted maybe 20 minutes, during which he confessed a belief that big pharma was dishonest and covered up heinous activity, which I agreed was absolutely right, but these ideas came to the total wrong conclusion.

I’m not explaining this very well anymore, it’s late and I’ve still got a headache, but his strong short white skinhead friend kept walking away then coming back, even at one point claiming that he was going to go and get someone. When I asked the first if he agreed with the non-scientific way the first man’s ‘friends’ were talking, and the fact that he is coming at this argument from such a different angle, he just changed the subject. It was around that time that I noticed that he wasn’t blinking, and that he was wearing a ‘Guardians 300′ t-shirt. I’ve since looked them up. They’re a cult. Nobody’s talking about it. He tried explaining the science to me, and I said that I don’t know enough about science to understand what he was saying, but tried to change the subject away from science- it just clearly wasn’t about that for any of the protesters except him.

Anyway, after he was done talking to me and claimed he had to go (right after I claimed to know a few lecturers in the university (I don’t but it was worth a try to see if he was bluffing) and started questioning him on who he knew), I turned around and just kept on taking off those fucking stupid stickers, including two which the skinhead had stuck on while we were chatting. They saw me doing this. I wanted them to see it, but now I’m not so sure. It was a dangerous move.

When people feel certain of something, you have to listen to them to let them air their uncertainties and change their mind. They were aware of this. I was aware of this. Neither of us listened much to each other. I was, to be honest, freaking out all the way home. What the fuck? I’d only seen people say this online, usually Americans, I’d heard about them on the news too. Suddenly I was getting looks from strangers, whilst taking down these stickers, and honestly had no idea who was who, or what they thought of me. And anyway, I’m trans, and have the fear of being looked at funny for that compounded with the fear of what a member of this group could do, it was terrifying.

I think there are very few things which stand between a person coming to a logical conclusion about what’s going on and a less logical conclusion and getting sucked into dangerous territory, although in this day and age there aren’t many logical things left. I’ve experienced the Dunning-Kruger effect at school, but some may never have experienced that, to feel like their understanding of something can only ever go so far.  I’m alright with saying ‘I don’t know’ and admitting that I’m not an expert, but I feel like all these people feel like they do have to know everything, and their genuine, valid fears have turned them to these crazy ideas because they’re nicer than the truth. I got told by a lot of people to ‘do your research’, but I didn’t say that to them, because they may well do their own research, but not necessarily using reputable sources. 

This is how Fascism works. If I had the same beliefs as them, I know I’d probably be doing the exact same things- trying to spread awareness. They genuinely think that they’re making a positive difference when they ‘change people’s minds’. Either that or those stickers were put up to get ripped down, to show their followers that ‘everyone is out to get you’. I was definitely scared most, however, by how close we all are in this day and age, to being them. I’ve attended protests, argued online, sent people links, spread my views. Most of my friends and I share the same views, we share each others’ information, when something’s wrong we blame ‘them’, or ‘the government’. These radicalised people were people I’d probably passed in the street before, who I’ve bought bread next to or admired their dog in the park. I met the next Nazis today, and they looked just like everyone else.

[enjennie]

Chapter 1 - The Long Haul

Exodus

Chapter 2 - Here

Word count: 2k

Moon Yuri loves train rides and sitting for long durations of time, which is why the trip to Oakwood College was a blessing in disguise to the girl who hadn’t had a wink of sleep for the past few weeks because her acceptance letter happened to have lost its way in the mail and only got to her a week before admissions ended. She had approximately two weeks to submit her application, pack up and leave everything behind her. The easiest part was actually the last thing, which she did with no hesitations.

Oakwood College has been her dream school since freshmen year when she came across an ad posted on their billboard for the seniors. They offer the best courses in the country, and that wasn’t even the best thing yet: it was being away from home. Yuri’s legs felt like jelly when she read the acceptance letter. She thought for sure she hadn’t gotten in. But, miracles proved to be true and now as she sat on the train to her new school, she couldn’t help but smile to herself.

“Sorry, is this seat taken? Everywhere else is taken,” a voice disrupts her train of thoughts.

Yuri looks up to see a girl with long dark hair, her locks are clipped to the side and she wore a soft smile on her face.

“Of course,” Yuri gestured to the seat next to hers and the girl beamed before setting her things down and taking a seat. “I’m Jeong Seoyun. Are you attending Oakwood too?” the girl pointed at the school sticker Yuri had smacked onto her suitcase. She smiled, “Yeah! Nice to meet you, Seoyun. I’m Moon Yuri,”

“Sophomore?”

“Yeah, you?”

“Ditto. No one really moves during sophomore year. Well, except some. But, what’s your reason… if you don’t mind?” Seoyun had a vibe to her that Yuri couldn’t explain. She was warm, but cool at the same time. She felt like autumn. “I didn’t receive my letter last year. Oakwood contacted me two weeks ago asking why I didn’t enroll,” Yuri explained.

Seoyun looked perplexed. “You must have outstanding grades, then. Oakwoods doesn’t even respond to emails, let alone make them to personally contact people,” The two laugh and Yuri denied the compliment. In her old school, there was nothing else to focus on but studies. Which is how she managed to become the top in all her subjects, and graduated as valedictorian.

“What do you major in?” the girl relaxed her back against the seat. “Film,” Yuri answered. Seoyun nodded.

“That’s really cool. I know someone from that department. I take up nursing. Sounds boring, I know,”

“No way, that sounds awesome. I wouldn’t survive one semester in that course, though. Can’t handle blood and needles at all,” Yuri sniggered and Seoyun cracked into a smile. “Thanks. And that’s too bad, I hope you’ll be okay during vaccination day,”

“What now?”

“Vaccination day. Oakwood requires them once a year,”

Yuri looked at Seoyun with eminent fear written on her face and the girl burst into laughter. “I’m kidding! You should’ve seen your face, Moon Yuri. Hilarious,” Seoyun points at Yuri who’d taken a relieved breath.

The two spend the next two hours of the train ride talking and joking about and Yuri has never been happier to have found a new friend already.

“Which building are you in? If you’re in Beverly then we could go together since that’s where I room,” Yuri and Seoyun had gotten off the train and were now walking to the front gates of what would be called their home away from home for the next three years. “I got assigned to Athena, actually… is that far from Beverly?” Yuri pouted. She already didn’t want to be separated from her friend.

“That’s right next to Beverly!”

Yuri follows Seoyun into the large campus and they walk the path along the field and several school buildings until they finally reach their respective dorm houses. “Here’s Beverly and… over there, is your home sweet home,” Seoyun points to the similar looking building beside the one they stood in front of. The two exchange numbers and Yuri thanks Seoyun for accompanying her. She takes her bags and walks up to the now terrifying looking building. It was only scary because now, she had to face it alone.

But according to the dean, when she’d spoken to her on the phone, Yuri’s roommate wouldn’t be arriving until second semester due to some personal business. Which is why Yuri was grateful and relieved to have met Seoyun.

She carries her suitcase up the flight of stairs and looked around to look for her room. To her delight, she finds it right away, right by the stairs. Yuri took the key in her pocket and unlocked the room, revealing a fairly spacious room complete with two beds, two dressers and a closet for each person. In the middle of the room, was a door to the terrace.

She takes the bed on the right, and puts her stuff down to unpack.

Yuri was just about done unpacking when her phone buzzed in her pocket. She takes it out and reads the message she received from her dad.

Hi, pumpkin. How is college life so far?

Barely started, just moved in.

Knew you’d fit right in! Goodluck, kiddo.

Yuri rolled her eyes and scoffed at her dad’s half-assed text, throwing her phone to her bed and putting her last set of clothes into the closet and sliding the suitcase underneath her bed. Three knocks sounded from the door and Seoyun’s head pops in before Yuri could say come in.

“Hey, newbie. All settled in, I see,” Seoyun makes her way inside and Yuri spots a girl behind her. “This is Lee Minjae, my roommate,” Seoyun gestures to the stranger who had her eyes glued to her phone, typing rapidly. “Hi! Yuri, right? It’s nice to meet you,” Minjae was busy with her phone, but she shot a Yuri a small smile, which the girl returned. “Likewise, Minjae,”

“I see you took Yeeun’s old room,” Seoyun played with the curtains of the windows with her fingers before taking a seat on the edge of Yuri’s bed.

“Oh you know my roommate? The dean said she’d be here next sem,” Yuri shut her closet door and the two girls behind her exchanged looks. “The dean said that?” Minjae asked, suddenly not interested in her phone. “Yeah,” Yuri assured. “Do you know her?”

“She’s a close friend,” was all Minjae says. Yuri nods, placing her hands on either side of her hips.

“Hungry?” Seoyun deliberately changes the subject. Both Minjae and Yuri nod and the three girls pile out of the room and down the stairs, on their way to the dining hall.

 The sun was just setting and you can see it from where the three girls walked. But Yuri couldn’t enjoy the view of it, when a rogue soccer ball came hurling straight at her head from out of nowhere followed by the indistinct yelling of boys, presumably the ones responsible for it.

“Omg, Yuri! Are you okay?” Seoyun and Minjae’s concerned faces is all Yuri can see from where she lie on the ground. “Don’t worry,” Yuri managed to say through the pain. “I’ll live,”

Amidst the chaos, Yuri could hear the voice of a man. “I am so sorry. Renjun’s a complete jackass and can’t play soccer for shit-“

“Don’t blame this on Renjun now,”

“Jesus, Seoyun. Sorry your boyfriend couldn’t play for shit,” the voice spoke again.

Yuri closes her eyes, trying to get her world to stop spinning, before she’s pulled up from the ground by an impressively great strength. “Wow, Seoyun you’re strong,” she commented on it, truly believing Seoyun could pull her up so easily, but she was wrong. When she opens her eyes once more, it wasn’t in fact Seoyun, but a boy with dark hair and an encaptivating smile.

“I’m not Seoyun, but thank you,” he chuckled. Yuri rubbed her temples, groaning at herself. “Sorry. I really thought-“ she can’t continue her sentence as she couldn’t help but laugh at herself.

“I’m Jeno, what’s your name?” the boy introduces himself.

“Yuri,” she  responds. “My name is Yuri,”

“The name’s just as pretty as the person,” Jeno comments and Yuri feels heat rushing to her cheeks. The boy laughs, finding Yuri getting flustered an amusing sight. Behind him, another boy had come rushing in, apologizing profusely. “Are you alright? I’m really sorry, Jeno told me to just kick and I did,” the boy who Yuri guessed was named Renjun came into her view as he pushed Jeno out of the way.

“I’m fine! Don’t worry,” Yuri laughs it off, despite feeling the beating of her heart through her head, which to her knowledge, isn’t supposed to happen, but she didn’t want to be dramatic in front of these new people. Renjun gives her a smile, before turning to Seoyun behind him and placing his arms around her shoulder. “And how are you, my princess?” he cooed.

“Ugh, get a room. Come on, Yuri. You’re fine, yeah? Jeno go take your ball and leave!” Minjae scowls at the boy who raises his hand in defeat. “Yes, coach,” he joked. Jeno shoots Yuri a wink before jogging off, making sure to drag Renjun with him which left the girls to continue their disrupted plan to eat.

“Listen, Yuri. Don’t get yourself tangled up with Lee Jeno now. He’s big trouble,” Seoyun says, linking arms with Yuri who was just finishing up a juicebox. “Why not?” Yuri gulped, too shy to admit she found him a bit cute. “Trust me. He’ll make you feel like you’re on top of the world, then leave you to fall face flat to the ground once it becomes too much for him,” explained Seoyun. “That sounds awfully detailed, Seoyun,” Yuri inspected Seoyun’s face in the moonlight. She looked stunning, her long dark hair framed her features well and her lips were always curled into a smile. Yuri’s eyes flew to Minjae, who was once again glued to her phone. Her hair fell over her face, which was illuminated by the light from her phone.

“Oh shut up, Yuri. Me and Jeno? No way! I’ve just seen it happen to countless of girls,”

Yuri made sure to make a mental note of Seoyun’s advice.

The next day, Yuri was surprised to find out that she could no longer go on her social media and that the college apparently modified the Wi-Fi settings in which the students needed a certain password only given to teachers, to access any site they wanted. She discovers this when her Instagram stops loading as she had her cereal with Minjae and Seoyun.

“How about on weekends? Do they… remodify it then?” Yuri asked, desperation in her voice. Seoyun shook her head no, “Don’t worry, we got that covered,” she had a sly grin on her face. Yuri couldn’t ask any further questions as Seoyun got up to put her tray away. Minjae yawned, she barely touched her food.

“What she means is… every weekend, we go to Hyebin’s house and get our mental check there. Y’know, use the Wi-Fi and shit,” Minjae explained to the dumbfounded girl. “We’ll introduce you to Hyebin, she’s cool,”

Yuri nodded, the information still not sinking in. Probably because she didn’t have the best sleep last night. A new place and knowing the next day would be her actual first day in the college of her dreams, it made Yuri restless and toss and turn. Which is why she faced the living hell torture of trying to keep her eyes open during a 2 hour lecture on what is supposed to be her favorite subject; cinematography.

Coffee. Why didn’t I drink damn coffee? She thought to herself, and as if someone had been reading her mind, Yuri felt something warm brush up against her fingers. She opens her eyes and lift her head to see a cup of coffee. She looked beside her, and take notice of the boy she was too sleepy to acknowledge when she got in. After a few moments of Yuri just looking at him, he gets closer and whispers.

“Drink up, you look like you need it more than me,” he smiles, and his smile alone was enough to wake every fiber in Yuri’s body. She raises the cup to her lips and took a sip. And who could you be?

[swiftlymoniquesblog]

What Christmas Means to Me- Dean x Reader

A/N: Happy New Year, friends! I am enjoying a Harry Potter marathon as I am off for the entire weekend! I hope you had a wonderful time last night and that you were safe! Hopeful for the new year.

So, this is extremely late and for that, I apologize. Life is rather chaotic for me but it’s okay, I’m doing good work for others. The, further along I get into this new job, the more I hope to be able to update without anyone looking over my shoulder. However, I hope you still enjoy this holiday fic, even with it being after the holidays!

Warnings: Slight mentions of depression, angst, but a lot of fluff to make up for the heavy stuff

Word Count: 5,152

Requests are OPEN!

Holiday Masterlist| Masterlist of all Masterlists

This time of year, was normally special to you. The lights, the presents, the food, the music, but this year, was different. 2020 was the year that was supposed to bring endless possibilities yet every dream of everyone all around the world, came to a halting stop as the coronavirus starting wreaking havoc on China first, then spreading its way to the rest of the world. Restaurants, schools, churches, movie theaters, bars, everything was shut down and people who weren’t considered essential workers were asked to stay inside. Towns and cities across the world were told it was unsafe to leave their homes unless it was absolutely necessary to. The summer saw a bit of a slowdown in the number of cases a day, yet there was an entire second “wave” expected to come by the winter months. It was a scary time, to say the least, but as the year was wrapping up and it the second wave was starting to take its toll too; you knew that everyone was anticipating the end of the year and a possible vaccination.

The family business needed to be put on hold. When the news broke about the virus, the Winchesters decided it was for the best interest and safety of everyone if you put your live-saving efforts aside until it was safe again. To say that it was a challenge to be locked up in the Bunker with the brothers was an understatement. You felt as if the walls were slowly closing in on you until finally, after four months in lockdown, you began to venture out of the Bunker. Wearing your masks and keeping yourselves distant from anyone who wasn’t in the Bunker, you and the Brothers had decided to make a much-needed supply run. In times of emergencies, like being put on a lockdown, Sam had stocked up over the years with necessary items. But no one knew you would end up using the supplies that were meant to last an entire year, in only four months. Because your normal supply runs that you used to do once a week hadn’t happened in all that time, it was needed now more than ever. The first time you left the Bunker since the virus hit, it was an odd experience. Wearing a mask anytime you were around other people, keeping at least six feet away from them and constantly having to wash or sanitize your hands was completely foreign to you. It seemed like a lot of people were already adjusted to these protocols but you and the brothers were struggling with these changes. Wanting to go home as soon as possible, you hurried to grab all your essential items before making your way to the checkout line. A few more attempts at these new runs and it almost became ‘normal’ for all of you.

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With the end of the year quickly approaching, it grew more and more difficult to get into the holiday spirit. Because everything was turned upside down, you wondered if Christmas was really worth celebrating. You couldn’t really go anywhere or have anyone over to celebrate, so why even bother? A lot of the normal activities you liked to do around the holiday has been canceled and it was hard to stay positive about it all. Dean couldn’t believe what he was hearing; he knew how much this time of year meant to you and it hurt him to see that you were so down and out of spirit this year.

“I just don’t see the purpose of celebrating the holidays with this many deaths in the world, everyone panicking about how much worse this thing could get and we can’t really go out anywhere and do too much anyway, so what’s the point?” You say, explaining why you’ve lost your spirit.

 “The point is, it's your favorite time of year (y/n). You love all the lights and the music and movies, the tree, decorating the house; it’s your thing!” Dean said, almost in a pleading tone in his voice. It sounded a lot heavier than he normally used and you could tell it was bothering him to hear you say these unusual things about holidays.

 “I know that’s how I normally feel but I just can’t seem to feel that way this year,” you say, feeling worse about bringing it up to him in the first place, especially since he gave his best impression of Sam’s puppy dog look.

“Well, I think you just need some help getting into the holiday spirit then. And I think me and Sammy are the perfect ones to help you out!” Dean said, grinning from ear to ear. That normally meant that he was up to something and you knew he wouldn’t tell you what he was planning. 

“I don’t know Dean, I’m not sure that’ll help,” you say, still unsure of his idea. 

“Well, you can at least let us try, especially me. I have quite a few ideas up my sleeve,” he says with that grin never fading away.

“Really? So, you have ideas for spreading the Christmas spirit? Usually, you never get into the holidays; you typically treat them like any other day,” you reason with the eldest Winchester. You had known him for long enough to know how the holidays typically went for the brothers. 

“So, this year has been more different than in the past. I think we ought to celebrate being alive and healthy because who knows how next year will go?” His answer surprised you. It was deeper than what you were expecting him to say and he hasn’t said anything with that much meaning behind it in a long time. The sentiment warmed your heart. 

“Alright, that was unexpected coming from the resident grump of the family, but okay. If you want to be festive and think it’ll help,” you trail off before he interjects saying,

“I do think it’ll help; I promise!”

You chuckle, shaking your head at the fully grown man acting like a child. Within that instant, he was off to begin his plan but his first task was finding Sam.

 ----------------------------------------------֍------------------------------------------------

 Dean’s POV

 I was thrilled when (y/n) agreed to let me help her get into the Christmas spirit. It really upset me knowing she couldn’t seem to find any on her own. She’s the one who has gotten me and Sam excited for the holidays in the past but with this crap going on with this virus, she lost all her usual excitement. This usually cheerful girl had turned the exact opposite of who she normally was. I couldn’t let her be this down during this special time of year, so I took it upon myself to cheer her up. 

“Sammy!” I call out for my younger brother in the main room of the Bunker, hoping to see if he would want to help me out. He wasn’t in his room nor was he in the library; where the hell was he?

“Sammy!” I yell again, escalating my voice in hopes that would make a difference.

“Hey, what’s going on Dean?” Sam says, finally making his presence known.

“Dude, where the hell have you been?” 

“I was out in the garage working on some of the cars and before you freak out, no, I didn’t touch Baby.”

“Good, cause otherwise, I’d have to kill you,” I jokingly say but I’m just left with his infamous bitch face.

“What do you want, Dean?” He asks, growing more frustrated with me.

“I need help with a project for (y/n).”

“What kind of project?” Sam’s annoyance melted into curiosity.

“She needs a little holiday cheer,” I say.

“She’s not in the holiday spirit?” He sounded just as surprised as I did the first time I heard how (y/n) was really feeling.

“No, she said with all crap happening with this stupid virus, she doesn’t see a reason to celebrate the holidays,” I explain.

“But no one here has gotten it; shouldn’t we celebrate that?” Sam suggests.

“That’s what I told her but she said that because so many people have died from COVID we shouldn’t be celebrating. And because a lot of places that normally do events for the holidays are canceled or closed, that just makes her feel less interested.”

Sam held a rather sad expression on his face, much similar to the one I had when I first spoke to (y/n).

“So, what are we going to do?” He asks.

“Well, I think we should go crazy with decorations this year. All the lights, garland, blow up decorations in the yard; the whole nine yards!” I say with all the excitement I felt from within.

However, Sam just gave me this look, as if to say he knew something I didn’t. I decided to press him about it.

“What’s that look for?”

“You may not be as smart as you think you are,” He said.

“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” I’m slightly offended at this point.

“Let’s just say not everything is how it seems. You need to look deeper than just the surface,”

“Alright whatever, are you in or not?”

“Yes, I’m in.”

Sam tends to go around saying things that make him sound like a hippy or something. I guess that’s why he always liked that Mandela guy. But that didn’t matter right now; what matters is that he’s helping.

I normally don’t like playing festive music but for (y/n)’s sake, I thought why not? I found a speaker and hooked my phone up to it. Trying to find rock n roll Christmas music was harder than I thought. Finally, I found Santa Claus is Coming to Town by the Boss. Grabbing some boxes of decorations, I had found in one of the storage rooms in the Bunker, I started setting up the specially requested tree from (y/n). She always talked about getting an artificial tree because they make less of a mess than the real ones do and she had a certain style in her head she wanted to try. She wanted a white tree with colored lights and for some red garland to be wrapped around it so that’s what she got. Granted, I had to go to a few different stores to find a big one to set up in the War Room so when you walk in the Bunker, you’re immediately greeted by a giant tree! Starting with a base and working from there, I constructed it myself before Sam decided to join in and help to add the ornaments we found. There were boxes filled with some rather outdated designs but Sam insisted we keep them because he knew (y/n) would like them. Much like him, she is a history nerd so she would love the antique look but I also know she would want to include the ornaments she had from her childhood and some of the ones she’s bought recently. I smile to smile to myself as I think about her reaction. Eyes wide, face brighter, possibly jaw-dropping; her expressions were adorable. Yeah, yeah, I know, I find my best friend adorable, so what? So that isn’t typical of me but she brings that out in me. It doesn’t matter cause it’s completely under control and no one knows about it. Do I have ‘feelings’ for (y/n)? I don’t know but something was different. The further into decorating Sam and I got, the more he’d keep looking at me with that same look as before.

“Alright, what’s on your mind, Sammy?” I ask, attempting to get my younger brother’s attention but he was too focused on his decorating.

“Hmm?” He says nonchalantly.

“Why do you keep giving me these looks like, I don’t know, you’re keeping a secret or something from me and you’re dangling that above me so I can keep asking you about it, so what’s up? What do you know?”

Now Sam’s attention was fully on me. He stopped what he was doing and looked right at me. He cleared his throat and took a few steps back from the tree, indicating he wanted me to follow him. He sat at the Map table, motioning for me to sit across from him.

“Well, this seems to be a lot of work for someone,” he starts, referring to all the work I was doing to help cheer (y/n) up.

“She’s not someone, she’s family and this isn’t just for her; both of us could use some Christmas spirit. We haven’t had a normal Christmas since we were kids and even that was usually met with Dad being away on hunts. We had that one year in the crappy motel room that you set up, and I loved that, but this, this is our chance to go crazy with it,” I defend.

“I don’t think you’d go to the lengths you are now just for anyone.”

“I would do the same for you.”

“Someone outside this Bunker.”

“And? What’s your point?”

“My point is, there seem to be underlying motives for you doing all of this for (y/n).”

“Aside from just being nice?” I question. What the hell is he getting at?

“Yes, I think you may have feelings for (y/n).” Shit.

“Of course, I have feelings for her, she’s my best friend. I care for her, ‘feelings,’” I say, using air quotes as I try to blow off the fact that Sam was right on the money.

“No, romantic feelings,” he adds.

“What makes you say that?” I ask, trying to play his little game. I needed to know if it was that obvious.

“Well for one, all of this,” he says, motioning to the room around us, now completely decorated. I’ll be honest, it looks like Santa threw up holly jolly stuff in here but it’s for (y/n) and she loves Christmas.

“I already told you, I’m just trying to help out a friend.”

“Then explain the way you look at her, or your immediate concern for her when she hurts herself, even a tiny cut. You freak out as soon as she says ‘ow’ and yes, she does say it a lot, but she’s usually fine. But you rush to her side and won’t stop pestering her until she insists that she’s okay. Or how about when she comes to check on you when you wake up screaming from nightmares? You instantly become like a child; clinging to her as if she was going to leave you forever. And do you think she can ever say no to you? Of course not. So, she grabs her own pillow from her bed and joins you in yours. And I know all of that because I’ve seen her do it before and I’ve found you two sleeping in each other’s arms several times. You’re crazy about her and would do anything for her. At the snap of her fingers, you’d go running. You’re in love, Dean, and so is (y/n).”

“Look, regardless of any possible “feelings” I may or may not have, this is the right thing to do. She would do the same for either one of us if we felt like she had” I reason, to which Sam nods in agreement.

If anyone needed this boost of Christmas spirit, it was (y/n). The virus has hit her hard because she cares for others so much. She, unfortunately, has so many friends who have come down with it and one of her family members passed away from it. We were right when we said we were lucky because no one here in the Bunker got it, but too many people (y/n) cared about were sick and that’s why she struggled so much.

Once everything was finished, I decided it was time for the surprise. Turning down the hallway of bedrooms, I stopped at the door that had (y/n) written on it. She wanted to make her room her own when she moved in so hers was the only one with her name on the front. Knocking gently, I hear muffled sobs coming from the other side of the door. 

“Hey sweetheart, you okay?” I say, pushing the door open to see her lying on her stomach, face buried in her pillows. When she mumbles a response of some kind, I walk to the side of the bed she was on, and place my hand on her back. She didn’t flinch at my touch, so I began rubbing soothing circles on her back, trying my hardest to comfort her as much as possible. Without really thinking, I reached for her and she flew into my awaiting arms. I won’t lie, I was surprised she was letting me be that affectionate towards her. Granted, we did have a rather “touchy,” “feely” relationship but this was different. With how I feel about her now, I noticed my behavior was a little different than it was before. I would hold her just a little tighter, my touch was a little bit softer and lingered just a bit longer. Not that I think she’d notice, especially at a time like this, but I tried anyway because now I knew how I felt. Something about seeing her vulnerable and relying on me for her support; meant a lot. I wasn’t sure if now was going to be the best time or not, but I think it’s now or never. 

“Hey, come with me. I know what will cheer you up,” I say into her hair, my lips pressing loving kisses to her head. With her beautiful (y/e/c) eyes that were wet from her tears, they sparkled in a different way than they normally would. It made me want to kiss her right there but I had to hold back; I couldn’t risk ruining this moment by moving too fast. But she looked into my eyes and she nodded, needing a hand up so she could follow me. She walked close beside me, and her smaller hand fit into mine. I found myself smiling at the contact, no matter how small it was. We walked out to the War Room and just as I had thought, her eyes widened, her jaw had dropped, and a hand had come up to cover her mouth. 

--------------------------------------------֍------------------------------------------------------------

Reader’s POV

“De-Dean, you, you did all this for me?” I asked once I was able to come back from my initial shock.

“Yeah. Well, when you said you needed help getting into the Christmas spirit and once you gave the okay on it, I knew we needed to go big on this,” 

“We?” I ask.

“Yep, Sammy helped out too,” 

“When you said you were going to help, I had no idea it was going to look like all of this! Dean, this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me; thank you,” I say, still shocked by all the effort he put into it. 

“Anything for you sweetheart,” he says. “Come look at the tree,” he speaks softly, leading me over to the tree. Taking a closer look, I notice the ornaments that gave off an antique look to them. The boys must’ve found these in one of the storage rooms and it was sweet of them to put them up on my behalf. I know Sam didn't mind them but for Dean, history was definitely considered boring so this meant something. As I circled the tree, Dean remained on the opposite side, following my lead slowly. He kept his eyes focused on my face, as my eyes bounced between all the different hidden gems of the tree. The very minute my eyes locked with his, he would look away. We played this little game for a bit before Dean walked up the stairs to the door to the entrance of the Bunker. I follow him and am met with tons of blow-up animated characters. There was a Snoopy, a Santa, a reindeer, a Minion, the Grinch, so many different ones. I laughed as one of the characters kept swaying in the wind, occasionally hitting Dean as he looked at the work he did. He grew frustrated and started to fight with the inflatable, causing more of a ruckus than was necessary.

It was at that very moment that I saw him in a new light. I wasn’t sure why this made any difference but it made me think about my relationship with Dean. We had always been friends, ever since we first met. I had just happened to witness the death of someone that was a victim of a Rugaru attack so he and Sam had to ask me questions about what I witnessed. Since then, the boys had vowed to always protect me because I was scared shitless after what I saw. I wasn’t a hunter or used to anything of the supernatural world until that day, so when the boys told me who they really were, I was scared. Scared that an incident like that would happen again, it was Dean who drew me into a hug and reassured me he would never allow that to come true. It was Dean who would stay up late at night with me when I had nightmares of that day. It was Dean who stood by my side when I was sick, or when mother nature called and I couldn’t function. It was Dean who would watch chick flick movies with me because I spent hours watching Clint Eastwood movies with him. It was Dean who I fell in love with and was certain he was the man I was destined to be with for the rest of my life. He stopped ‘fighting’ with the inflatables when he noticed me just staring at him. Maybe he grew self-conscious and that was why he approached me slowly, but when he was close enough to me, I spoke the truth to my best friend, bringing light to a lie I had been burying for all these years.  

“I love you,” I say, holding back from jumping on him, as much as I wanted to in that very moment.

He seemed to have been in a different state of mind from what he was before my confession. He looked at me with a look I couldn’t quite make out the meaning behind. I wondered what was going through his head, the silence and stillness driving me up a wall. But just as I started to walk away, a hand had grasped around my wrist, stopping me in my tracks. I turn back to face Dean, who was suddenly a lot closer to me, as he gently placed his forehead against mine.

“I’m so glad to hear you say that sweetheart, because I too, love you,” he said, voice barely louder than a whisper, but it spoke volumes to me. He let go of my wrist, that hand sliding up the length of my arm and up to the side of my face, where his thumb ran back and forth along my cheek. His other hand had gripped my hip, bringing me right up to his chest, and his eyes never trailed away from mine, except to occasionally falter down to my lips and back up again. In all his years of flirting and one-night stands, if someone were to tell me he would fall in love and he would take his time expressing that love to someone, I would’ve laughed right in their faces. I would say ‘Dean Winchester, capable of falling in love with someone? Impossible!’ But to be on the receiving side of that affection and sharing that affection towards him, some things are just destined to change. Ever so slowly, he moved his head closer to mine, allowing the tension of the moment to build, until he closed the space between our lips. Almost immediately, I responded, falling into a rhythm that was easy to come by. His lips, soft and full against mine, showed just how strong and powerful he was. He was in control of this moment; I just followed his lead. His strength and resilience he used in his fights against the world of darkness and those who wanted to cause harm, was showing itself in this kiss. Yet there was another side of him that was only shown to a few who were close to him. A softer, vulnerable side, that proved he was scared of whatever he was feeling. A side of uncertainty of his future, a sense of fear of failing to protect his younger brother and me. He held himself to a much higher standard than anyone else because he was older and he knew his father trusted him to be another version of him. And it broke my heart to see him struggle with the constant fear of disappointment. As best I could, I tried to kiss that pain away, hoping that he could tell I didn’t expect anything else but for him to be himself with me. He didn’t have to try to be perfect, he didn’t have to worry about disappointing anyone; all he needed to do was let himself just be.

“I love you, so much,” he says when we break the kiss.

“I love you too, Dean. But can we go inside, please? I’m freezing!” I say and we both laugh. He leans in to quickly kiss my lips again, before taking my hand in his and leading me back down to the Bunker.

When we stepped back down inside, Sam was sitting at the Map table, behind his laptop screen, typing away at the keys. He looked up when Dean let the door slam shut, a wide smile on his face.

“Merry Christmas, (y/n),” he says, standing up to hug me.

“Thank you so much for all this, Sam,” I say, standing on my tiptoes to hug the taller man.

“Well, I did just help out a bit but this was mostly Dean’s work.”

“I know, I think I’ve already thanked him pretty well for it,” I say, shooting the eldest Winchester a wink. Sam noticed and looked between his brother and me a few times, eyebrows raising in suspicion.

“Did something happen out there?” Sam asked, wondering what new development came from mine and Dean’s relationship.

“Let’s just say, we finally figured out what we felt towards one another and now, I guess, we’re now, together?” I say, looking to Dean, who just nods and smiles at me.

“Well, whatever this is, I am happy for you both. I was starting to wonder if you were ever going to figure it out without me having to get involved,” Sam said.

“Wait, you knew too?” I ask, surprised to know Sam was in on these feelings Dean had for me.

“It was a bit obvious, plus I’ve known Dean close to forty years so I can tell,” Sam said, smiling at me when he saw the blush form on my cheeks.

“I appreciate you not stepping in though, Sam. We had it figured out,” I say, trying to cover up the fact that we probably could’ve used more help.

“Yeah, it seemed like it,” Sam said, rolling his eyes but still smiling.

“Alright, alright, enough of that! (Y/N), go get in your pajamas; I have one more surprise for you,” Dean says. I can’t imagine what more Dean can do for me to get into the holiday spirit, but I do as he asks and head to my room.

Shutting the door behind me, I go to the dresser and open the second drawer from the top. Inside, I pick out a black, cotton tee shirt and red and green plaid pajama bottoms, to make up a holiday outfit. Brushing my hair back and out of my face, I tie it up in a loose bun and spritz just a bit of perfume on; had to smell nice for my man. My phone suddenly lights up, showing a new text awaiting my attention. I unlock the screen and press the messages icon. It opens to reveal ‘Dean’ and a small number one on the right side. I tap the message and I can see the entirety of the message.

“Hey baby, one thing I forgot to mention, grab a few pillows and blankets; it’s rather cold outside. I love you.”

What is this boy planning? I still do what he asks, grabbing all the pillows and blankets my two arms could carry and struggle to open the door. I teeter down the hall, desperately hoping I don’t bump into anything.

“Oh shit (y/n), here let me help!” Dean yells when I come back out to the Map room. “I didn’t mean all this!”

“I-I didn’t know how many to take so I just grabbed all I could,” I shrug, to which Dean just laughed at me.

“My silly girl,” He says, kissing my lips just enough to leave me wanting more but not enough to cause a distraction from his plan.

“Set the pillows down here and the blankets down on the other end,” Dean instructs, asking for the comfort items to be sprawled out of the floor. The extra blankets I brought made for a less than perfect bed but the company was more what I was there for. A fire had been lit and all the lights in the room had been turned off, except for all the Christmas decorations. Dean turned back to me after he finished illuminating the room with gentle light. It was just bright enough for us to see each other; his eyes reflected the lights from the tree and the fireplace as we lay and held one another. No words passed between us for a while, just the low sound of the crackling fireplace, as our eyes did all the communicating, we needed.

“I’m so happy that you are here with me and after all this time” Dean finally speaks up, brushing some hair out of my face.

“I’m happy too. I can’t believe we’re finally together,” I say, going in for another kiss, this one longer and slower than in the recent past. This, much like our first kiss, held all our feelings towards one another. Kissing Dean was something I would never get used to but I would cherish each kiss like it was our first; afraid it would be the last.

“So, did this help?” Dean asks, referring to his holiday plan.

I laugh, hiding my face in my hands, heat rising on my cheeks. I was still in shock that he did all this work for me but I loved him even more for it.

“Oh yes, very much. Thank you, Dean. This is what Christmas means to me, love,” I sing. “I love you so, so much.”

“The world and so much more to my girl. Merry Christmas, baby,” he says.

“Merry Christmas, Dean.”

Tag list: @tloveswriting​ @akshi8278​ @fandom-princess-forevermore​ @angeredcrow​ @440mxs-wife​ @calaofnoldor​ @thinkinghardhardlythinking​ @to-my-beloved-fandoms-2​ @suckmysupernatural​ @awesomesusiebstuff​ @hobby27​ @spnjediavenger​ @polina-93​ @deansmyapplepie​ @thwiso​ @marvelfansworld​

[kitkats-mikrokosmos]

you who led me through that maze, you are my light - chapter 1: such stuff as dreams are made

crossposted on ao3

genre: fluff, slowish burn, romance pairing: ot7 x reader summary: ❝ this rain, too, is coming to an end i won’t let go of your hand anymore i wish that you would love me ❞

(or the one in which bighit holds a raffle for army to spend 4 months with bts in a remote lakehouse, and you win)

word count: 1390 warnings: cursing

see author notes at the end

Words could not begin to describe the cocktail of emotions that shot straight through your veins as you stared down at your phone.

"Dear (L/N) (F/N),     Congratulations! You've won the raffle!     Please contact us by January 31st, 2021 to claim your prize.     We look forward to hearing from you. -BigHit Entertainment"

This had to be a joke, right? There was no way that this was real. Spam or a cruel joke from your family or maybe this was a dream.

You reached over and pinched your forearm. Hard.

The only thing that resulted was an explosion of stinging pain across your nerves and involuntary tears springing to your eyes.

So this wasn't a dream. But that still left spam or a joke.

It was totally in character for either of your brothers to pull something like this. But you didn't know if they knew how to spoof an email address, and, as you peered at the screen, you realized that address looked very official.

Quickly, you opened an incognito browser and did a Google search for BigHit's email address (addresses?). There was no guarantee of credibility, but still, it was better than operating under the assumption of goodwill. That was the sort of thing that got you hacked and all of your data sold on the dark web, and that was something you'd rather avoid. Once you'd found emails that looked like they might be correct, you opened the email again to compare them. The result had your heart hammering in your chest and your pulse fluttering in your throat like hummingbird wings.

They were almost identical.

This was probably the real deal.

This was probably the real deal.

You leaned back in your chair, a bark of disbelieving laughter leaving your lips.

Well shit.

You had some plans to make, you guess.

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"Dear (L/N) (F/N),     We discussed what you mentioned in your last email, and, in the effort of making you more comfortable, we thought that we might send the boys out one at a time to join you in the as-of-yet undisclosed location. You would have a week to get to know each other individually before another member would join you both.     Is this sufficient? -BigHit Entertainment"

"Dear BigHit Entertainment,     That sounds great! Thank you so much for being so understanding. I really appreciate it. -(F/N) (L/N)"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Your plane will leave tomorrow at 6:00 AM. Sorry, but that ended up being the most convenient time."

"It's fine, I understand," you said, smiling even though you wanted to cry at the thought of waking up at 4 in the morning so that you could make the plane ride. You'd have to make an emergency order from Target for a couple of those Starbucks frappucinos. You absently scrawled a reminder to yourself down onto a sticky note that you stuck to your corkboard, phone balanced between your shoulder and your ear.

Oh, how you missed the days when you could just drive to the store down the road and pick up whatever junk food you happened to be craving at the moment.

Still, life goes on.

"All precautions will be taken, of course. Still, when you arrive in Seoul, you'll be required to quarantine for two weeks. I know you've already been informed, but I just wanted to double-check one more time: you are okay with this, correct?"

"Yes. Yes, I am."

You'd expected it, in fact. They couldn't have known for certain that the ARMY that won the raffle would be from Korea, and there were all sorts of travel restrictions, worsened by winter - that they could fly you in at all was nothing short of a miracle. Quarantine seemed obvious.

You'd rather not spend time holed up in some hotel or someplace for fourteen days, waiting to see if you'll start displaying symptoms, but you'd also rather not get other people sick by accident - especially not the boys. The only way those two things could coincide was if the pandemic was over, and, unfortunately, things weren't there yet. You were still praying for a vaccine, but in the meantime.

"All right, I believe that's everything. We look forward to meeting you, (L/N)-ssi."

"I look forward to meeting you, too. Thank you. I really appreciate this opportunity."

It sounded like the person on the other end was smiling when they replied, "Of course. Have a good day."

"You, too."

"Bye."

You hung up and turned in your chair. Your suitcases were packed and waiting by the front door, and butterflies swooped in your stomach. In less than 24 hours, you'd be hopping on a plane to Korea, and in a little more than 2 weeks, you'd be meeting BTS.

Already, you were nervous. You couldn't imagine how much of a wreck you'd become as the day approached. Still, that was something for future-you to deal with. Present-you had enough on your plate.

First order of business: ordering coffee.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You blinked blearily up at the airport.

Where to now? you wondered as you stepped through the automatic doors. Multiple signs blinked at you to please wear a mask, and you adjusted yours a little, fixing it on the bridge of your nose. You glanced around. There weren't any obvious directions or anything.

"Uh, are you (Y/N) (L/N)?" an unfamiliar voice spoke.

You turned.

A woman in a pressed blue uniform and a matching mask stood there. She stopped the mandatory six feet away, and, judging from the crinkles of her eyes, she was smiling at you.

"That's me," you said, reshouldering your carry-on bag.

"Excellent!" she chirped, in true customer service fashion.

You felt bad for her, having to be this upbeat at ass o'clock in the morning. Maybe she could recommend you her coffee brand. Or maybe she was just fueled by spite like you'd been when you worked at the coffee shop downtown. Opening was always a fucking nightmare.

"Please follow me." She gestured onwards, then began walking.

You trailed behind.

"I'll take you to security," she continued as she walked, her heels clicking against the linoleum. "You'll be flying on a private plane today. Whoever's flying you out must really want to be sure you're safe." She paused. "And have a lot of money." She gave a tottering laugh.

You probably would've found the joke funnier if you were actually awake, but alas. You'd had two of your three coffees already, but there was only so much caffeine could do when it was up against the existential nightmare of an early morning.

Luckily, she didn't seem particularly daunted by her less-than-enthusiastic audience. Instead, she kept chattering on - about what, you weren't sure; you were having an incredibly hard time focusing your foggy brain to focus on anything for longer than 0.2 seconds.

You were flying to Korea. Jesus Christ. The reality was finally sinking in - as much as it could, given your current state. What country had you saved in a past life to be this lucky?

You likewise went through security in a daze, still reeling. You were only slightly more coherent when you were boarding the plane.

The flight attendant gave you a sympathetic smile and advised that you try to get some sleep - it was going to be a long flight.

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14 hours later, give or take, the plane had touched down in Seoul. You disembarked and were immediately swept away, rushed through customs before being deposited into the care of BigHit employees. One notable employee being Kim Hyun-Woo, whom had been the one you communicated with primarily as this whole thing was being set up.

He greeted you with a wide grin. "It's so great to finally be able to meet you in person, (L/N)-ssi."

You tried to return his smile as best you could. "You as well." You yawned. "Sorry, that was a really long flight."

"I understand." He nodded and gestured to the car. "If you'll climb inside, we'll take you to the hotel you'll be staying at for the duration of your quarantine."

You did so, and you were soon on your way.

You watched Seoul's cityscape slide by, the brilliant lights offset by the dark of the night, and you wondered why it was that you felt like your life was about to change. Forever.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Short first chapter I know, but the next chapter will be longer - and juicier. You’ll be joined by the first member next chapter, so be sure to vote to decide who that’ll be.

[purplesurveys]

1264

Who are you subscribed to on YouTube?  Oh man, I’m probably subscribed to over a hundred, if not 200. I’ve subscribed to channels relevant to interests I’ve had over the years, and since it’s not my habit to do spring cleaning on my feeds, the subscriptions have just keep piling up even if I no longer keep up with literally like 98% of them.

Do you like to go to the farmer's market?  I don’t think I’ve ever been in one yet. They aren’t very common here and the ones we do have are pricey and mostly inaccessible to the everyday consumer, I’m sure.

What will (or was) the color of your wedding dress be?  I wouldn’t want any other color than white.

What's your favorite melon?  I don’t like fruits.

What was the name of the last pet of yours that died?  Arlee. Technically my family mostly considered her as just Nina’s pet, but the sting was felt all the same when we learned she died.

When was the last time you wished the day would just get over with?  Yesterday, because it was Friday. Pretty self-explanatory, I wanted to get to the weekend so I can finally let go of work for a couple of days.

Name one person you've never had a fight with:  Andi. I think we’re both afraid of pissing the other off, which works out for us lol.

What are you currently listening to?  I can just hear the really loud whirring of my electric fan because it’s a grossly humid day today.

What would you rather have: cat or dog?  Dogs.

Who is your least favorite person in real life?  I have a lot of uncles I just don’t like.

Do you ever watch anybody's live stream of... anything, really?  Technically, yeah. I will sometimes tune in to livestreams of lofi music on YouTube, but I do it to listen, not to watch. 

Does your house have security cameras?  No.

If you go grey as you age, would you dye your hair or let it be?  I think I might dye it for a certain period of time, but I also think I would eventually reach the point where I’ll just accept it and slowly let go of the dye.

What was the last establishment you stopped going to due to bad service? What happened?  I haven’t run into much bad service, but I’ll never forget how long my order and bill took for Mad Mark’s. I never really vowed per se to never go back there again and I definitely didn’t confront the staff, but I haven’t eaten there since that incident.

What soundtrack do you listen to the most?  Not a big soundtrack listener.

Was there a family secret you weren’t told about until you were an adult?  Nah, they’re kept from us until now. The biggest one I’ve heard about was having a kleptomaniac in the family but we were never told who it is.

Do you have an opinion most people you meet seem to disagree with you?  Yeah, my dislike for fruits.

What’s something you like to have many options to choose from?  Clothes, I guess, like bucket hats. I don’t shop a lot and clothes aren’t a priority in my budget, so when I do pick out clothes, it has to be exactly what I want so that I don’t feel it was a waste of money.

What’s the strangest decorative object you own?  We have several quirky, disconnected decor in the living room from gifts we’ve acquired over the years. One object I can tell you about is the polar bear glass figurine we have on the coffee table.

What’s a thing you couldn’t imagine doing with your life right now?  Dating around.

What’s been your proudest moment?  Managing to stay alive this year and turn my life around for the better when I thought there was no hope.

What’s the filthiest non-pornographic movie you’ve seen?  Eyes Wide Shut, probably.

Do you know anyone who doesn't seem to be fond of animals?  I don’t think so. Like any animal...? I would find that quite odd, honestly. And I wouldn’t want to be friends with them if we weren’t already close .

Are you planning any outings or trips anytime soon? Whereabouts?  No, nothing set in stone. I do want to fly out to South Korea soon, though.

Do you know anyone who has a phobia of a certain animal?  I know a few people who are afraid of dogs.

Is there a particular brand of technology/electronics that you prefer?  Yeah, Apple.

Is there a singer whose voice gives you goosebumps/chills?  Hayley Williams and Jin, especially when he’s belting; and I don’t listen to her much, but I find that Billie Eilish has a unique voice that sounds really nice.

And is there a singer whose voice you simply can't stand?  Selena Gomez for some of her songs, Meghan Trainor for most of her songs.

Are there any authors that are particularly dominant on your bookshelf?  No.

Have you seen any photographs or videos that made you smile today?  Sure.

Which item in your fridge are you most looking forward to consuming? My aunt sent over this gigantic-ass slab of salmon that I can’t wait to eat as sashimi. I already had a few pieces last night and it was hea ven ly.

Has anyone you know got into a new relationship lately?  Hmm, I don’t think so. I know my coworker Dev got into a relationship a few weeks ago but it fizzled out as soon as it started because the guy was shitty.

If you menstruate, do you experience much PMS prior to it?  Only on the emotional side; I rarely get physical symptoms. I usually feel down or emotionally heavy a few days before my period.

Have you ever had a tattoo covered up or added to?  No, I don’t have any tattoos. Can you remember the last time you had a sudden change of mind?  Hmm, like last night. I wanted to stay up to maximize the weekend, buuuut I decided against it and slept instead since I had been up since 2 in the morning.

When was the last time you did something on a whim?  Two weeks ago when I impulsively dropped a thousand bucks to have cheese tarts delivered to Angela and Reena, hahaha.

Were you raised by both of your parents? If not, then who raised you?  My mom, grandma, and one of my aunts were the main people who raised me. Dad works overseas, so he was never at home much.

Have you ever began a relationship with someone you knew for less than a week?  No, I wouldn’t do that.

Has one of your friends ever tried to ‘hook you up?’  Mik tried to pair me with one of his friends just days before I finally implied on social media that I was no longer in a relationship. It was a cool ego boost but I declined, since my emotions were still super turbulent then. Andi tried to initiate sex with me once too, but I also declined.

What is your card game of choice?  I hate card games; I can never seem to understand them lmao, though that’s really more of a me problem than anything else.

What is your favourite books series?  Growing up, I really loved the Septimus Heap series. But the thing about it was that I got into it while the series was still ongoing; and with how bad my attention span is, I always forgot the events/plot whenever the newest book came out. 

So whenever that happened I had to read the entire series from Book 1; eventually the number of books I had to reread/revisit became too many (it was a seven-part series) and I simply just lost the time to read and I never got to know about the conclusion.

Do you prefer landmarks or street names when being given directions?  Street names – more precise. Landmarks to me can be pretty subjective – a green building might look blue to me, and I could just end up being lost.

Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books?  Sure.

What was your favourite gym class moment?  If I genuinely like or already play the sport that was being taught. That’s why PE table tennis was a lot of fun for me.

Do you think that ocean boardwalks are fun?  I’ve never been on one but I imagine they are fun, yeah.

Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks?  That’s not a tradition here.

Do you have a favourite Scooby-Doo movie?  No. I was too young for Scooby-Doo in a sense that I do remember watching the movies as a 3/4 year old as they were kept on in the background at home, but I didn’t get any of the plots/didn’t really appreciate the films.

Do you think it’s cute when toddlers try to run away and fall down?  Sometimes, yeah. If the fall looked nasty I would obviously be concerned.

Do you enjoy listening to your grandparents tell stories of their past?  Honestly, only one of my grandparents would be the type to do this but he’s been dead for six years now. It’s a big shame he passed before I could bond with him the way I had always wanted to. My three other grandparents are either too closed off or too quiet to share stories from their youth.

Do you have a crush on someone? Nah, nothing more than a celebrity crush.

If so... what does his/her name begin with? 

What attracts you to them? 

Do they know that you like them? 

If they don't know, why didn't you tell them? 

Name two people that you miss:  Angela and Laurice.

Have you ever seen Titanic?  More times than I can count. I’m sure I memorize like 80% of the script, too.

Have you ever swam with dolphins?  No. I’m not so sure if I’ve seen dolphins, either. Maybe I have? Or maybe I’m confusing it with whales...idrk.

When was the last time you had a stomachache?  Wednesday.

What's going to bed early for you?  11 PM or midnight.

Do you want to have a big family in the future?  I used to, but I don’t think that’s the future I want anymore. One or two kids should be okay.

What was the last thing you did that gave you a rush?  Technically speaking, an orgasm, I guess?? Lmao idk

Favorite Nicholas Cage movie?  I don’t think I have one.

Have you had your Covid vaccine yet? Which one, if you have?  Yeah, I’m fully dosed. Sinovac.

If you've had your vaccine, did you experience any side effects?  I was suuuuuuper tired right after my first dose and I wanted to be knocked the fuck out, but I went right back to work after the shot because I am allergic to filing leaves hahaha. Second dose went smoothly.

What's the next item of clothing that you intend to buy for yourself?  A bucket hat or maybe one of the Fila x BTS shirts because the collection is actually quite cute!

What Facebook groups have you found the most helpful?  I join Facebook groups to be entertained, not because I actively look for advice.

Do you like your butt? Why or why not?  Yeah. It...has a good form hahahahahaha.

Have you ever personally been a victim of homophobia?  Yes, a few years ago I went to a food park with my ex-girlfriend. I was already not feeling my best that day to begin with, so having to see an old woman stare daggers at us for what felt like years really stung. I felt small under her look and almost cried, but in the end I felt angry that I momentarily felt shame about my relationship. I decided to just piss the woman off on purpose and do PDA right in front of her.

Do you think you’d be happier if you had a pet? I have two dogs at present and I know they make me extremely happy.

Who was the last person you went on a date with?  Gabie.

Were you ever hospitalized as a little kid?  No. The first and only time I was hospitalized (other than being birthed), I was about 12, I think.

What’s your favorite way to curl your hair?  I don’t do that. I rarely style my hair.

At what age did you start swearing?  I was 11.

What is something you physically can’t do?  Ride a bike.

What do like better, apples or oranges?  I don’t like any fruits; but in terms of flavored stuff, I like orange-flavored food, especially chewy candy, slightly more.

Around the holidays, do you hope for snow?  Well, no.

What are your top two favorite bands?  Paramore and Against Me!

How many people do you 100% trust?  There are a handful. I generally trust easily just because I like to believe all people are kind and loyal – but I can also take it away in the snap of a finger.

Do you care what others think about you?  Not so much.

Has anyone ever called you a bitch?  Sure.

Did you watch Teletubbies when you were younger?  Yeah but just super super faint memories. It wasn’t one of my main shows.

Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license?  I don’t.

Could you live the rest of your life without eating meat?  I doubt it. I could try, but I think I’d get cranky and start looking for meat way earlier than I would like to admit.

Have you ever had a rolling backpack?  Yup, if you mean a stroller. I think I’ve answered this on a previous survey.

Did you make any money today?  No, because it’s a weekend. What was the highest place you've ever jumped from?  Nothing dramatically high. I’ve had acrophobia-themed nightmares in the past, so even though I don’t actually have a fear of heights, the idea of jumping from a high place still makes me antsy.

Have you ever gone swimming in a river?  Not that I can recall.

What was the last souvenir someone got you?  I dunno if it counts but Andi bought merch from the AEW shop but made sure to also get a CM Punk sticker set for me :(

Do you have a favorite remix of a song?  Remixes have never been my thing. What do you think is the most saddest sounding instrument?  Piano.

Do you really pay attention to the ratings on movies?  Yeah they can definitely affect the level of appreciation I hold towards a film. For instance, if I genuinely enjoyed a movie only to find out it has average to bad reviews, it invites me to think more critically about the movie.

Do you have a favorite species of wild cat (tiger/lion/cougar/etc.)?  No.

If you had $500,000, what would you do with it?  Give half to my parents and let them do whatever they wish it. With the remaining P12,500,000, I’d probably get myself my own condo and have it fully furnished, then get braces, then get a new phone and laptop. I’ll have a bunch of money still left, I’m pretty sure – the rest of it I’ll save.

Did the last person you touched lips with have a kid?  No. I mean, I have honestly no clue what’s going on in her life now, but I know she doesn’t want kids so this is very unlikely.

"First loves are never really over." Is this true for you?  It’s true in a sense that she left me a lot of trauma and self-esteem issues that will irrevocably always be a part of me now even though I’ve worked hard to resolved most of them by myself.

Did you like Michael Jackson before he died?  Yes, because he has always been my favorite singer’s role model.

What are some things that would make you break up with someone?  I don’t know how to answer this question, honestly. All the red flags were thrown and tossed and slapped into my face and down my throat for six years yet I never left. I don’t actually know what my limits are, and I believe it’s because my coping mechanism has to just accept things and suck them up no matter how bad they get. That’s what I’m trying to change for myself now.

What was the worst breakup you've ever had?  I’ve had two breakups with the same person, and the second one was worse.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #451

“taste the waste of their god’s grace & spit your hate upon your young”

Who are you subscribed to on YouTube? A shitload of people. Do you like to go to the farmer's market? Yeah, sure. What will (or was) the color of your wedding dress be? Probably black. What's your favorite melon? I don't really like melons, actually. What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? Teddy. :( When was the last time you wished the day would just get over with? Literally every day. Seriously. It's funny, I dread fighting to sleep at night, but I also just want it to be time to sleep so time will pass. My life is just so fucking boring that I just... wait for something exciting to happen. Name one person you've never had a fight with: Tez. What are you currently listening to? "Sex Metal Barbie" by In This Moment. What would you rather have: cat or dog? I prefer cats. Who is your least favorite person in real life? Probably my sister's husband. Do you ever watch anybody's live stream of... anything, really? I'll sometimes watch live let's plays. Does your house have security cameras? No. If you go grey as you age, would you dye your hair or let it be? I'll be dyeing it. What was the last establishment you stopped going to due to bad service? What happened? I'm not sure. What soundtrack do you listen to the most? Silent Hill 2's, definitely. Was there a family secret you weren’t told about until you were an adult? I don't know if it's really a secret, but I didn't know until this year that my dad did some really dangerous drugs before us kids were born. Do you have an opinion most people you meet seem to disagree with you? Yes. What’s something you like to have many options to choose from? Food, ha ha. Feels great to have a full kitchen after a grocery trip. What’s the strangest decorative object you own? Nothing "strange" to me. What’s a thing you couldn’t imagine doing with your life right now? One biggie is having a baby. I just... could not imagine. My life would plummet. What’s been your proudest moment? Graduating in the top percentile in my high school graduating class. What’s the filthiest non-pornographic movie you’ve seen? Omfg, Sausage Party. That movie was so gross. Do you know anyone who doesn't seem to be fond of animals? Thankfully, no. I don't even think I could befriend someone who doesn't like animals. Are you planning any outings or trips anytime soon? Whereabouts? No. Do you know anyone who has a phobia of a certain animal? Yeah, like me with whale sharks. Is there a particular brand of technology/electronics that you prefer? Not really, no. Is there a singer whose voice gives you goosebumps/chills? Amy Lee's. And is there a singer whose voice you simply can't stand? Yeah, such as Bob Dylan. Are there any authors that are particularly dominant on your bookshelf? Tui T. Sutherland, but only because I read their series Wings of Fire. Have you seen any photographs or videos that made you smile today? I'm sure on Facebook at some point. Which item in your fridge are you most looking forward to consuming? Does the freezer count? If so, this Healthy Choice grilled chicken pesto bowl I have in there. I am like addicted to them. Has anyone you know got into a new relationship lately? I don't know. If you menstruate, do you experience much PMS prior to it? It varies month-to-month. Have you ever had a tattoo covered up or added to? I had my Markiplier tattoo essentially redone by a better artist. I also plan on getting my "ohana" tat covered, as well as my "how rare and beautiful it is to even exist" one (I adore the quote, but it's not an original design, which I don't like having anymore), and I want to move and redesign my "perfectly flawed" one because I want a bigger tattoo in its location. Can you remember the last time you had a sudden change of mind? Yeah; I'm pretty sure I like-like my friend Girt now, something I was never entirely sure about. When was the last time you did something on a whim? *shrug* Were you raised by both of your parents? If not, then who raised you? Well, I guess both, but Dad didn't do a lot of the teaching part about life and stuff. Have you ever began a relationship with someone you knew for less than a week? No. Has one of your friends ever tried to ‘hook you up?’ Yes. Colleen tried that with me and Girt and only succeeded in making us very uncomfortable. She said something I wanted to slap her for that I won't repeat. What is your card game of choice? Magic: The Gathering. What is your favourite books series? I think my favorite series of all time was the Shiloh trilogy. I adored both the books and movies. Do you prefer landmarks or street names when being given directions? You'd better give me landmarks, ha ha. Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books? Of course. What was your favourite gym class moment? There're such things as GOOD gym memories in school? Do you think that ocean boardwalks are fun? Yes. Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks? No, I always thought it was very flattering that they even wanted mine. Do you have a favourite Scooby-Doo movie? The Phantom Virus one. I had the video game as a kid, too. Could never beat the damn thing. Do you think it’s cute when toddlers try to run away and fall down? No? I don't like seeing children - or anyone - fall. Do you enjoy listening to your grandparents tell stories of their past? So, this really only happened once, and it was coincidentally the day I learned of her pancreatic cancer, but before Mom told me. I had an assignment to interview someone of an older generation about how various sources of media affected their lives, like the development of TV and such, and she really got into it. It was very interesting to learn about. Do you have a crush on someone? I guess I do idfk. If so... what does his/her name begin with? "D." What attracts you to them? More than anything, the fact he's been there for me without fail. Both single and when I was with Jason and he was interested in me, he's just... been there and has made an effort since high school to be in my life in one way or another. Do they know that you like them? Not anymore, no. We dated for a few months, but I broke up with him because he felt more like my brother, so I would assume he doesn't think I do. Maybe he still is family to me. I really don't know what I feel. If they don't know, why didn't you tell them? I might at some point, idk. We just haven't talked in a while. Name two people that you miss: Jason and Megan. Have you ever seen Titanic? When I was in the hospital, yes. Everyone was crying, lmao. Have you ever swam with dolphins? No, but I would. When was the last time you had a stomachache? Now. Mother Nature finally visited me after three whole fucking months and is v angry. What's going to bed early for you? Like 7:00. Do you want to have a big family in the future? Of pets! Human kids ain't for me. What was the last thing you did that gave you a rush? Hell if I know. Favorite Nicholas Cage movie? Ghost Rider. Have you had your Covid vaccine yet? Which one, if you have? Yes. I got Moderna. If you've had your vaccine, did you experience any side effects? I did on my second dosage. I was OUT of it the day afterwards, but then I was fine. What's the next item of clothing that you intend to buy for yourself? I need new bras badly. What Facebook groups have you found the most helpful? It's called "Not Just A Pet Rock (Python regius)" and is a group for advanced ball python husbandry. It is very informative, but I will say there is a SHITLOAD of very rude elitists. Do you like your butt? Why or why not? NO because it's a PANCAKE and I want CAKE. Have you ever personally been a victim of homophobia? I personally think so. When Sara visited and we were trying to go to my older sister's so she especially could meet her, Ash entirely ignored Mom's messages. I know her homophobic husband well enough to nearly be able to guarantee he didn't want us coming over because the kids "don't need to see that." Ash kinda does what Nick says, so... you know. Do you think you’d be happier if you had a pet? I know I'm happier with pets. Who was the last person you went on a date with? Sara. Were you ever hospitalized as a little kid? No. What’s your favorite way to curl your hair? It's too short to do that. At what age did you start swearing? However old I was in 7th grade. What is something you physically can’t do? Clean up vomit lkdsjal;sdkjfa;lkwd. I can't clean up my pet's or even my own. I literally can't. My mom has to. What do like better, apples or oranges? Apples. I don't like oranges. Around the holidays, do you hope for snow? Yes!!! What are your top two favorite bands? Ozzy Osbourne and Metallica. How many people do you 100% trust? Like two. Maybe. Do you care what others think about you? Way too much. Has anyone ever called you a bitch? My grandmother has. Did you watch Teletubbies when you were younger? Omg yes, I was obsessed. Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license? I don't even have that. Could you live the rest of your life without eating meat? No. Not because I don't want to, because I do, but I would have an extreme protein deficit if I did that. Besides meat, I don't like enough protein-rich foods. Have you ever had a rolling backpack? Yes. Did you make any money today? I haven't made any money in a very, very long time. I'm only ever paid when someone hires me to take pictures for them. What was the highest place you've ever jumped from? I don't know. Definitely not very high. Have you ever gone swimming in a river? Yes. What was the last souvenir someone got you? I have zero clue. Do you have a favorite remix of a song? Hm. Perhaps this techno-y remix of "Psychosocial" by Slipknot. I don't know for sure, though. What do you think is the most saddest sounding instrument? Either the violin or piano. Do you really pay attention to the ratings on movies? Nope. Do you have a favorite species of wild cat (tiger/lion/cougar/etc.)? Probably clouded leopards aesthetics, but I think lions overall. If you had $500,000, what would you do with it? Pay off school debt as well as help Mom with various financial issues, buy new glasses, buy Mom and I a new house and car, get Venus a great tank with all the optimal supplies, get LOADS of tattoos, donate to various charities, adopt a few specific pets, travel to Yellowstone, get laser hair removal on my legs and teeth whitening... There are a lot of possibilities. Did the last person you touched lips with have a kid? Just scaly ones. :') "First loves are never really over." Is this true for you? Yeeeep... Did you like Michael Jackson before he died? I didn't really have an opinion on him. I know/like a couple songs, sure. What are some things that would make you break up with someone? If they became abusive, started doing drugs, acted arrogantly, didn't understand my mental conditions and were unwilling to be emotionally supportive, stuff like that. What was the worst breakup you've ever had? Ha, the one with Jason. For. Fucking. Sure.

[belovedrival]

“It’s Jonas.”

It’s been almost six months but I did say I would talk about my experience, so here goes...

(It’s really long, I started this draft when Jonas was three months old)

I was told that I would be induced on March 10, a Wednesday. My due date was the 17th but baby had been measuring large for months so my doctor just wanted to go ahead with it. I agreed. We’d made it to 39 weeks and that was good. Plus, I felt huge and just...done with being pregnant. 

I worked (from home) on the 10th. It felt sort of surreal, knowing that we’d be at the hospital at 5 pm that evening, but I knew I needed to work to keep my mind off what was coming. For a while, at least. 

We’d started packing the hospital bags for weeks before. I’d left my suitcase open next to the bed and I’d throw things in there whenever I’d do laundry or think of something else I wanted to take. I sort of knew then that I was majorly overpacking (and in hindsight it’s laughable how much stuff I never wore/used) but at least we were prepared, right?

Yeah, about that...

Mister drove to the hospital. Since I was being induced, it wasn’t any frenetic, movie scene type, panicked dad experience. We just put our things in the car and drove there. On the way we talked about how strange it was, knowing that when we came home (God willing), there would be a baby in the car seat. Of course at that time we still didn’t know if our baby was a girl or boy.

(Mister told me later that he was almost certain baby was a boy. He said he’d heard too many nurses/medical personnel ‘slip’ while we were having ultrasounds and whatnot.)

People can choose to find out or not, but it puts a whole other dimension on the experience when you don’t know in advance. Just my two cents.

As we turned into the hospital parking lot, Mister told me to open the glove box. “There’s something for you in there,” he said. I opened it, trying to swallow the bowling ball that had lodged itself in my throat.

“Oh!” I said. “What I always wanted - an owner’s manual!”

When I’m nervous, I often joke.

There was a small white box next to the owner’s manual. In it was a necklace with an aquamarine pendant; one of the birthstones for March. Of course I cried.

We took an obligatory selfie before going inside the hospital. After getting checked in, we went to our room. I remember thinking that we’d only be in that room probably a day, and that 24 hours later, we’d be upstairs post delivery.

Ha. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

I was given a drug to start labor (not pitocin). I’ve always hated needles and so getting an IV was not part of my top 100,000 Things I Love to Do List. Thankfully, the nurse who put it in was really good, so I barely felt anything. 

The one major memory of this whole experience (other than Jonas, of course) was how good the nurses were. I am forever grateful to them. 

Other than the IV and monitors, Mister having to sleep on the sofa, and me laying on a hospital bed, we could almost trick ourselves into imagining we were staying at some sort of hotel. Almost. For a few hours, anyway.

Wednesday night into Thursday morning was okay. I was feeling persistent pain. It wasn’t terrible, just uncomfortable, and I knew that it was part of the process. I didn’t sleep great but I was able to get some rest.

Around six o’clock there was a shift change, and my nurse for the day came in. Liz had a kind of cheerleader vibe about her, very positive, and in some other circumstances I might’ve found her annoying. But I liked her.

My doctor came in a little after seven and broke my water. That experience was...weird. I mean, it was a new experience for me, so it’s hard to describe. Uh, water is wet, so it was wet? Honestly, the thing I remember the most is that there was some meconium after Doc broke my water, which worried me a little. Baby was doing fine and no one seemed super worried, so I set it aside. I DID think it meant I was guaranteed to have the baby that day. How wrong I was, and not for the first time...

They gave me pitocin after my water was broken. So my contractions increased. It felt more like strong period cramps to me. I should say at this point that I have a high pain tolerance. I don’t know what the same level of contractions would feel like to someone else. Sometimes I was only mildly aware that I was having them. 

Probably one of the most annoying things about my entire experience Wednesday/Thursday/into Friday was not being allowed to eat anything. I had ice chips, and water, and Liz managed to get me some Jello. This was actually something of an issue, because I had gestational diabetes, so at first nobody wanted to give me anything except for sugar-free Jello. I did have some of that, but as the day wore on and there wasn’t much progress, Liz talked to somebody and got me some regular Jello. I would’ve preferred something else, but Jello was what I was allowed, so Jello I got.

I...don’t really like Jello. Seriously, like if it’s the only thing, I’ll eat it, but...yeah.

The hours ticked by. Progress was slow. At first I looked forward to Liz and the other nurses coming in and checking me, but by late afternoon, it was clear that things were slooooooow. The best part of Thursday was sometime in the afternoon Liz suggested bouncing on the ball. I was really happy to get out of bed and bounce for a while. After doing that, I decided it was time for the epidural.

I’d decided beforehand I wanted an epidural. As I said, I absolutely hate needles, but I also didn’t want my body to be so stressed that labor couldn’t progress. In the back of my mind, I also thought that if the situation changed, and a c-section became necessary, the epidural would already be in place. 

After the epidural was put in, I started shaking on the edge of the bed, tears rolling down my face. Liz was still holding on to me, and Mister was there, and they both asked what was wrong. I couldn’t speak for a minute. It felt a little like I was five years old, still terrified of that darn needle, and all the tension I’d suppressed had to get out somehow.

“It’s okay,” Liz said, giving me a hug. Sometimes that’s all that’s needed. I was sorry to see her go when her shift ended. She said she was working again on Saturday and that she’d stop by to see us after the baby was born, to see what we were having. (She did stop by.)

This was a constant refrain from most of the nurses: upon first coming into the room, and looking at the white board that had my information and seeing next to “Baby” was written “Surprise!!” we inevitably got the question, “You don’t know what you’re having? That’s awesome!” 

Getting the epidural made the pain diminish, but it also made things more complicated for me because I couldn’t move. Overnight, a tag team of nurses turned me one way and the other, and checked me. 

(I should also mention that all of the staff at the hospital had already been vaccinated, and they all wore masks into the rooms. We did not have to wear masks in the room, but if we went outside it, they were required.)

By Thursday night, both Mister and I were feeling rather discouraged. All day Thursday we’d been told that baby would come “by the afternoon”, then “by the evening”, and then late Thursday, “by Friday morning”. Bear in mind that I’d been on an IV/ induced since roughly six pm on Wednesday. 

Maybe this sounds laughable to people who’ve had 72 hour long labors, but I’d been mentally prepared for around 24 hours of labor. My twin sister had been induced with her first, and her labor had gone about that long. Around midnight on Thursday I was feeling pretty discouraged. Mister wasn’t angry but he said (when we were alone) that he felt like the staff had been overly optimistic. I just don’t think either of us had thought about the implications of me being induced without any sign of active labor. In hindsight, I was glad it was done then, but...yeah. Not being mentally prepared for that long of a labor was hard. I felt bad for everyone who was waiting on updates; it felt like literally nothing happened for about thirty hours. Like I think was dilated to five by Friday morning. And effaced? Practically nothing. My cervix wasn’t getting thinner at all.

Early Friday morning, a new nurse started her shift. My first impressions of Diana were...well, I thought, “she’s definitely not as friendly as Liz.” She was more brusque. As I hadn’t slept much Thursday night, and having been in the same situation for over a day, I didn’t care nearly as much about making friends. By that point I was tired - physically, mentally, emotionally.

But Diana was awesome. She got me turned onto my hands and knees, and had me start doing some vigorous exercises, to really move labor along. I was fine with doing whatever she said because I was REALLY ready to be done. So it felt a little like my cross country days in high school, at the finish of a difficult race. I was tired, I wasn’t sure how much I could do physically, but we had a GOAL and dammit, we were going to do everything to get there!

By late morning, even after the exercises, I was still dilated at a five. Hardly effaced at all. After checking me again, Diana left the room. The option of a c-section had been discussed, especially since it was over 24 hours since my water had been broken.

“I think I’m done,” I said to Mister. Even though I’d never really been 100% ‘I want a natural birth experience’, it felt a little like giving up. I started crying again. “I just don’t think this [natural labor] is going to work. I’m done.”

“If you’re done, that’s it,” Mister said. “Tell Diana you want a c-section.”

I have to say something here about Mister. Even though he kept saying he didn’t know what he was doing or how he should support me, he was AWESOME. He supported every decision, and listened to me talk about the different options. For as hard as labor was for me, I think he had a different hard time. All he could do was literally sit there and watch me go through pain and doubt and fear, and comfort me as best he could. He was a great comfort.

(This is why even if thoughtful partners don’t think they’re doing a good job at supporting laboring moms, they most likely are. Their presence is invaluable. For anyone who doesn’t have a supportive partner with them, or an absent one, my profound condolences.)

When Diana came back in, I told her I wanted a c-section. This was around 11 o’clock Friday morning, March 12th. “I agree,” she said right away, patting me on the shoulder. “You’ve done everything you possibly can to get this baby delivered naturally. I trust mom’s instincts on this.”

Her support meant so much. Really, when a veteran nurse says they trust your instinct, how can you not feel better about your decision?

She left to contact my doctor and several other people, and Mister let people know what was going on. At that point I was more relieved that soon it would be over. I wanted to see our baby.

Mister said later that he learned that hospitals have two speeds: 1) we’re in no rush; and 2) something is going to happen NOW. While my c-section wasn’t an emergency, once the decision was made, things did happen fast. Diana brought the anesthesiologist into the room so he could numb me up. As I already had the epidural, this didn’t take very long. After a few minutes of letting the medication work, Bryce asked if I could feel my toes.

“No,” I said. It was weird. I knew I shouldn’t feel them, but I couldn’t help saying, “I’m trying to wiggle them!”

“No, no, it’s good you can’t feel them,” both Bryce and Mister said. I was wheeled out of the labor room a few minutes after that (I was not sorry to leave it) and taken to the OR. Mister went with someone else to take our stuff to the recovery room.

I’ve been in operating rooms before. They aren’t places that make me want to stay there. Bright lights, metal everywhere, many thoughts of what could go wrong...although I will say that all the staff in the OR made me feel confident. I was glad to see my doctor. 

I felt better once I was in the OR (the only time in my life I’ve ever felt that way) but it felt like a long time until Mister arrived in there. He’d gone with a member of staff as they took all our stuff to a recovery room, then been taken to the OR. Once he was in place, everything started.

Doctor M had asked me before Mister arrived if he wanted to ‘announce’ was the baby was. I told her that he most likely would, but to ask him. She did, and he said yes, he’d love to do that.

There was a blue sheet in front of me so I really couldn’t see anything that went on - which was PERFECTLY FINE with me.

Obviously, I was flat on my back, and everything below my chest was numb. The doctor and others asked me at various times if I felt anything, and I didn’t (other than tugging and pulling). At one point, I suddenly smelled the unmistakable scent of something burning. “What is that? That burning smell?” I asked, glancing above me (really, behind me) at Bryce, who stood there.

“I’ll tell you later,” he said.

Which immediately told me I didn’t want to know what it was. 

Yeah, it was me burning, while the medical staff cauterized me, keeping me from bleeding to death.

(The fact that cesarean sections are major surgery, and regularly happen every day in the United States, is, frankly, a miracle. Everyone hears about the horror stories when something goes wrong, but considering the number of women who go through them without incident, we as a society completely take them for granted.)

As the tugging and pulling continued, and Doctor M said things like, “there’s the head”, the sense of anticipation increased. I’ve never felt anything like it before. Both Mister and I knew any moment we would meet our baby, and after waiting 39 weeks (and eight years before that), it was almost unbearable.

Doctor M said, “Here’s the baby!”

I heard a slight cry, and I looked up at Mister, who sat on my right, holding my hand. He looked down at me and said, “It’s Jonas.”

Even thinking about that moment now brings tears to my eyes. In knowing Mister almost eleven years, I’ve only seen him cry maybe five times. Including this year, on March 12th. We both were bawling, and laughing at the same time, as Jonas VERY loudly screamed his disapproval at being evicted from his warm, cozy space. At one point, Mister, laughing as he cried said, “One of the ---s (our last name) needs to stop crying in here!”

He has a rather husky cry, Jonas does. I loved his cry from the moment I first heard it (though I don’t actually like to hear him cry, if that makes any sense).

As I was sewn up, Mister moved his chair over to where our baby was, under a heat lamp. Then he brought Jonas over to me. My first thought was, he’s HUGE. My second thought was, he was the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen.

He weighed nine pounds, five ounces at birth, and had a fifteen inch head circumference. After I heard that, I knew a natural birth was never going to happen. He was born on Friday the 12th of March, at 1:14 pm. The digital clock on the wall said 13:14, which I thought was cool. And it made it a bit easier to remember the time :)

He had lots of dark hair, which I loved. My sister’s had bald babies, so it was nice to have a different-looking kid. Over the last few months, his hair almost entirely disappeared due to cradle cap, and is coming back in...blond. Genetics!

I can say now that it’s past, that I was more afraid during pregnancy than I could admit to anyone, even Mister. I have always been a worrier, and finally being pregnant after so many years, and being high risk due to my age (and my shunt, and the gestational diabetes...) I was in almost constant worry of something going wrong. First of miscarriage (no one needed to tell me of the statistics regarding older mothers), then of stillbirth, like the cord getting wrapped around baby’s neck, and death happening before delivery could happen. I have heard of at least two different stories of that happening to pregnant women in the ninth month - friends of friends of mine - and the fear of that, or something else equally catastrophic happening was, at times, almost crippling. I would’ve preferred to have never been pregnant at all rather than suffer a miscarriage or stillbirth. 

Perhaps it sounds childish, but mentally I didn’t think I was strong enough to have the dream of motherhood dashed, when every day of pregnancy brought that dream closer. I was (and still am) too much of a realist to ignore the statistics; I couldn’t pretend I was 22 and have a blissfully ignorant uneventful pregnancy. To this day, even after giving birth to a healthy baby, one of the biggest things that will set me off is the assumption that way too many people have. “We’re planning on getting pregnant soon.” “Just have kids, you’ll understand.” “I can take you out and make one just like you.” [a redneck phrase I’ve heard being said to a misbehaving child]

Not many of us can “plan” on getting pregnant exactly when we want to - or even within a year’s time. Not all of us can “just have kids” - they’re not like going to the store and getting a gallon of milk. (I recognize the privilege of living in a society where going to the store and expecting fresh milk can also sound arrogant to those who don’t live in one.) ‘Take out’ a kid (even said in jest), and ‘make another one’? I MIGHT have another child in the next couple years. More likely, I won’t. Not all of us can just get pregnant at the drop of a hat. (That’s assuming the one wanting to get pregnant even has a male partner or sperm donor at the ready...some never find that person to have a child with. And adoption can be a great thing, but not everyone is cut out for it. Shaming infertile and childless people for not wanting to adopt is disgusting.)

I was open with my OB-GYN about my fears during pregnancy and she referred me to several resources, and monitored me for PPD. My best friend’s son died in March 2020, a year before Jonas was born (though Billy had severe disabilities which made his death a certain thing), and my sister had had a stillborn son in August 2019 (my nephew Christian). So Jonas being born healthy was a huge relief for me. I can’t really describe the relief, except to say that as much physical weight I gained during pregnancy, letting go of the weight of the worry was felt even more deeply than losing the pounds since his birth (and I’ve haven’t lost all of that).

I will probably always worry about *something*, when it comes to Jonas. He gave me a scare earlier this week, rolling off the couch before I could catch him. He’s fine...and the incident scared me more than it scared him. But every day since he was born is a reminder of the gift he is, and I hope I never lose sight of that, even on the frustrating days (and there have been those over the last almost six months, and there will be more to come).

If you ever wanted children, and are fortunate enough to have them, cherish them. Be grateful for them, even when they drive you up the wall. Even when you only want three minutes’ peace, and they won’t give it to you. Love them anyway. I try to.