#she knew how much the books physically cost and also how much i loved them
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Today I managed to unpack seven boxes, not that you can really tell. I did more than that though.
There is a very tall and very wide stack of boxes in what's technically supposed to be the dining room that are mostly full of books. It's been my dream to get them unpacked and on shelves since I moved in here. It's finally (slowly) happening.
Today I sorted through about a third of them. I pulled a few books from some, whole boxes from the pile, and repacked several others. The stack is now slightly shorter but takes up the same footprint (about half those books are either staying downstairs or need to be donated once I get the time to sit and consider them). I took as many of the craft books, star wars books, and manga that I collected in high school and college and moved them to the living room. From there the manga all went upstairs (since that's the bookshelf I started with and it empties boxes quickest). My partner thought I was crazy from moving them upstairs, but a lot of what I have isn't necessarily family friendly and some was reselling for quite a bit of money a few years ago. And since the work room can be closed off if we ever have guests over it makes the most sense. Their art books and gaming books are going to go into the loft along with my scifi and fantasy collection, while downstairs will remain reference books, gardening manuals, kids, and cookbooks. Yes, I've been planning this out for a very long time.
I'm going to have to go buy extra shelves soon, and possibly more magazine boxes but that's okay. And at some point I need to sort through what's in the loft and start moving things around. Just need to remember to wear my knee and elbow braces next time I start moving books; my joints are protesting right now.
#birdy tries to be a good adult#seeing all my books today reminded me of the time my aunt tried to convince my grandma to make me throw out my manga#because she found it offensive despite it not being in her direct sight#but her kids would go and hunt it down and read the ones i had hidden behind others#and since a lot of those were yaoi and boy's love she would freak out#like it was my fault that my male cousins insisted on breaking the look on my bedroom door and reading my private books#and yes my grandma knew what i read and while she didn't understand why she didn't care#i earned the money for them by working around the house and helping her with medical treatments#she knew how much the books physically cost and also how much i loved them#so she told my aunt that if she had a problem she needed to watch her kids better#caused a huge fight too lol#my partner knows about them too and also doesn't understand nor cares#in fact they've often asked me if i have certain ones if we find them at used bookstores#and been shocked when one was selling for fifty bucks and someone bought it while we were there
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Hello, sibling. Do you have resources for intersex Christians? Anything counts, trust. I'm an intersex Catholic and feel very alone in my community. I know God loves me and made me perfectly, but I would love to see fellow intersex Christians talking about our bodies, identities and faith. God bless you
Hey there. My heart goes out to you in your loneliness; you are beloved by God, and you are perfect as you are, even if human beings deny and erase you.
I am also sorry that the broader queer community also too often fails to remember intersex folk and include y'all in our efforts towards justice. You deserve solidarity, deserve to have your pain and your joys listened to as much as any of us.
And, I am happy to tell you that yes, I've got some intersex faith resources for you!
Let's start with intersex Christians talking about their experiences, and then we'll get to some intersex-resonant scripture.
...below the readmore.
Intersex Christians sharing their stories
Stories of Intersex and Faith — a documentary! I have not watched it yet because it costs $20 for an individual to rent it, but if you are interested but the cost is prohibitive, please let me know and I'm happy to rent it for you! .
"I'm an Intersex Christian — and It's Time the Church Listened to Me" (article, major trigger warning for discussion of medical abuse & trauma on a young child; to avoid it, you can skip to paragraph beginning: "The heart of the issue is that church still sees me as problematic...", after which are discussions of trouble with church but also suggestions for improvement) .
Interview with Sara Gillingham, author of the previous article (video, 51 minutes) .
And here's a Facebook video: "What do you wish more Christians knew about intersex people" (video, 2 minutes) .
Another FB video by the same person on how churches can be more supportive of intersex people (video, 3 minutes)
An intersex Catholic Saint?
If you haven't heard of Madre Juana de la Cruz, who would point to her pronounced adam's apple as proof that she had been "male in the womb," check her out!
Now let's check out some intersex-resonant Bible stories, plus intersex theology
For a concise, accessible look at intersex readings of various biblical figures, check out my webpage here... . as well as my webpage here for interpretations of Jesus himself as intersex (and trans)! (The intersex part is fairly brief, but includes links some scholarly essays if you want to learn more about intersex Jesus) . Please note that the focus of my site is trans theology (because that's my focus most of the time), but where a passage is also applicable to intersex folk I make sure to bring them in too, with links to further reading. For instance, did you know Abraham and Sarah were considered intersex by some rabbis in the Talmud?? .
"Male, Female, and Intersex in the image of God" with Lianne Simon and Megan DeFranza (video, 1.5 hours) — great intro to some intersex theology if reading isn't your thing
Intersex in Christ: Ambiguous Biology and the Gospel by Jennifer Anne Cox (book) .
"Intersexuality in Scripture” by Sally Gross (essay free online) . Note that this essay is from 1998 and the language used reflects that, but Gross is one of the foundational intersex theologians. . Also if you want to skip over all her intro paragraphs defining intersex, skip to the paragraph starting "As a brute physical phenomenon, the bodiliness of people who are born intersexed challenges cherished assumptions...")
Sex Difference in Christian Theology by Megan DeFranza (book)
_______
I hope some of those resources can help you feel a little less alone. There are other intersex Christians, including many who lead, write, preach!
I'll close with a regret: I was trying to find any kind of virtual community for intersex Christians, or even just intersex people in general. I wasn't able to find such a place.
If anyone knows of some online intersex support groups or communities, please share! Or if you have other intersex Christian resources you wanna add, share those as well.
I can suggest that you check out this webpage of intersex advocacy groups across the world. If there happens to be one by you and you get involved, I wouldn't be surprised if you met some other intersex Christians there.
Wishing you well, sibling. When you feel alone, may the intersex Christ enfold you in love. When you feel like "the only one," may the stories of faithful intersex people past and present bring you encouragement.
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It's almost sad that when I tell my regulars I only make $14.50 an hour at a job where I do professional level graphic design and print work, they all get shocked and say I should be making more (I work at a locally owned print shop, and I love the job for the most part, I just hate how I'm rushed and hate certain clients).
WcDonads employees make more than I do. Gas station employees around here make more than I do. And I honestly feel quite jipped because I was told to go to college. Get a degree. Find a job in the field I go to school for and I'll be set (I'm one of those "zillenials," too young to be a millenial but too old to be gen z). Some people say i should be thankful, $14.50 is a lot, but cost of living where I'm at is at least $20/hr. Granted, my college is completely paid for so I don't have student loans to worry about and I'm happy I have graphic design and photography experience. But when I'm at work and I feel the bald patch from where my hair has been falling out from stress from workload, it makes me feel like I was tricked.
I'm so conflicted. Like I said. I like this job. When things aren't busy it's wonderful. But those are becoming fewer and farther between where stuff has completely reopened from Covid and more people want printing for events and sales.
And I've met wonderful people! And learned about small businesses in my community I would have never known about otherwise! I love getting to make nice designs and print beautiful art every day. One of my current friends I've met copying her artwork for her! My gifts to my family have been photo prints and even signs for my dad's workshop that I've gotten printed at a discount and they're all loved so much. And I don't have to wear a uniform - jeans and a t-shirt of my choice every day!
But I've also been yelled at over small shit like maps not being printed on time, or how the color on a flyer isn't as "vibrant as it is on screen," or told to hurry up on a yard sign that someone decided they needed today rather than next week, or have a someone chew me out because I haven't even had time to print three sheets of mailing labels because I've had to hold the hand of a very picky woman who wants her rental guest book to look "just right" yet can't be assed to learn how to use a computer on her own. I've had packages thrown at me when I've said people need to pay to ship them. People getting mad over $.20 black and white copies and $.49 color copies. People saying they're going to get their business cards from PistaVrint because it's cheaper. People come to us and act like we're tech support - "Why is my computer not opening Wicrosoft Mord?! Why is my email not sending?! Why is my phone doing this?!" Like I don't know! Take it to Bye Best!
My manager hardly gets paid any more than I do and she's been with the business for almost 30 years and drives an hour each day to come to work. I only got bumped to $14.50 after my boss overheard I was interviewing at a college print shop that would have paid me $18 an hour. He couldn't even wage match! And I didn't even get the job.
I don't have funds to move to another location where I could find a better paying job in my field, nor would I want to as my family and community are here.
There is a pillow factory here I never knew about. They're hiring various positions starting at $19 an hour. Evenings and weekends mostly off, only needed to work if they need to fill a very large order. My friend started there this week and while she says she's physically tired, the environment seems nice so far and I'm so burnt out here that I've already asked her if she can get a word in for me to start there. More pay? And way less customer interaction? I could do that! But it sucks that I feel like abandoning what I like to do because of my pay grade and the stress I feel. I wish it was all different.
Posted by admin Rodney.
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* wandering thoughts rant related to what's happening with a certain wizard game out *
After so many posts made regarding the Harry Potter game coming out and how the person that created the series is harming the trans community, the game finally came out. I haven't seen myself many people talking about playing it but I have seen a couple and I'm not sure how to feel. A lot of people don't even realise that by buying the game, they're indirectly giving her money. One of the posts I saw was from such a person. I was surprised that they had gotten the game and made a comment. They thought that the creator only made money from the books. So now they know better but unfortunately the indirect support was still given. It's hard to hold it against them when they didn't understand the connection. Then I saw a post by someone defending themselves saying buying a game means nothing about sharing the same views. I commented and the person switched their argument to pretending they didn't know what they were supporting. *sarcasm* Ya, ok, obviously you're defending yourself for something you had no idea you did; totally makes sense. So that person clearly doesn't care and does support the creator to some degree.
Part of me wants to think about my society and how we're not taught the consequences of the companies/people we give our money to but mostly, when it comes down to it, people just don't care as long as something cost less or is cool. So my mind connects the situation to Disney and some of the political moves I've heard them making in the ... I can't remember if it was mainly Florida or U.S.A. but either way, they've been supporting legislation to harm the gay, and maybe even the whole queer, community.
I have a friend who's obsessed with Disney. I don't know if she knew about the Disney political stuff before I told her but she does now and hasn't stopped giving them money nor plans on stopping. It's confusing. I don't know how to feel.
The stuff I see on social media doesn't help. Half the people saying to stop supporting Disney one month are themselves raving about a new Disney show the next month. Plus there's the people, gay and not, giving Disney all this credit for finally admitting someone was gay in a movie or a show. Gay people are cheering on Disney and making them out to be a hero even though some are also fully aware of the political moves by them. It's so confusing. How am I supposed to be against everyone supporting Disney? It seems I'd have to hate like a majority of people, including gay people.
I still feel weird about the situation with my friend. It does hurt but I'm not sure if I want to end the friendship over it. Disney is a big part of her but mostly, and I know it's an excuse, I've just had so much worse in life. My mother is the kind of person who would force me into those conversion camps if she knew and had the money. I constantly have that over my head until I can be truly free from my parents. I haven't had friends who would physically harm me for any reason, especially being queer, but most have been abusive or just crappy. I'm down to 2 friends so letting another go isn't something I want to do but at the same time, ... I don't know. Back to the stuff before, what am I going to do? Stop talking to her for loving something sold by a company that she now knows financially supports hurting a group of people for being "different"? A company seemingly supported by half the gay community and given all the credit for gay representation as if no other show had ever done it or even tried?
Just thinking about it makes everything seem hopeless. The power and support that company has. And it won't ever go away. They're literally being supported by those they're destroying. I've even seen posts by gay people telling me to be thankful for what "Disney has done for us" "what they've given us". It's madness. The damn company is trying to remove their rights and they're bowing to the company and begging them to represent them more. Is this what society wants? To have some trait of theirs represented in popular cartoons even at the cost of their rights? This is their rights! Do people not understand or honestly not care? Media representation isn't going to do sh*t if it becomes illegal to do anything even perceived as gay in public or in one's own home again.
So ya, I'm just confused what to do. I still think it's wrong to knowingly support these companies and creators. It does say something about the person even if it's just that they don't care. But am I supposed to hate everyone that gives them money in some way? Everyone who chooses to beg Disney to add more queer characters or keep current queer shows rather than ask another big network to do it? You know, a network that hasn't been shown to financially support removing the rights of the same groups asking to be represented.
I feel like I'm fighting the group I want to defend. I've been in that position before in a much smaller context. It makes me want to just do nothing cuz I end up attacked by "both sides". I'm not strong enough to fight off both the ones hurting us and us. What am I supposed to do?
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c'est comme ça / admit
I hate to admit getting better is boring
But the high cost of chaos, who can afford it?
A few months ago came upon an ace blog on Tumblr, an entry that said the person didn't want to read anymore about the "ace experience" because they were living it, and spent a lot of time assuming everyone was just like them. I, on the other hand, would love to and am actively searching out more ace experiences to read and hear about. You know what I am NOT curious about? The allo experience. That was one of my biggest problems during the very brief stint we had with a sex therapist. She was pushing "non judgemental curiosity" on my part. Por que? The allo experience, in all it's many forms and narratives, has been effectively shoved down my figurative (um and maybe literal) throat since I was a teen. From having to (over)hear hormonal peers pine pine pine to sex scenes in books ("he entered her" VOM) and movies (I'm in love with TWs) and like every TV show ever UGH, I have truly had enough. While everyone is shipping fictional characters my suspense is that I hope it WILL NOT hit that physical tipping point. Watching Wednesday I definitely felt her ambivalence about her admirers/supposed love interests. Or her being strategic about hanging out with them. I know I'm projecting, but it's so draining to have someone you're fond of look at you and also search you for MORE. I filled teenage journals to the brim with that theme.
What a thing to admit / That when someone looks at me with real love / I don't like it very much / Kinda makes me feel like I'm being crushed
I was thrilled that in the Marvel movie Shang Chi that the main characters relationship with Awkwafina's character remained platonic. THAT is what I want to see more of, hear more of. I just finished Claire Kann's "If It Makes You Happy" and while it was not a page-turner or the kind of book that had brilliantly crafted sentences that stunned you into awed silence, it had SO many things other books did not.
A fat main character who did not care to lose weight, or have self esteem issues
A QPR - not without it's issues, but still
Polyamory - a soon-to-be college student who didn't necessarily identify as such but who knew she could be in a relationship with more than one person
That said, it wasn't easy to get into. Winnie is not a super likeable character (but also she wouldn't care that I said that) and it takes awhile for you to get the gist of allllll the relationships she has - family and friends. But this work of fiction is important for the sheer amount of representation that is not so easily stumbled upon. I can't even fully express how much that means to me, but when I get around to articulating it, I will write my own book. Thank you, Claire Kann.
Just realized that was a book review, so all that is on my GoodReads and I only write like 3 reviews a year. Why? The same reason I don't write music reviews - it's personal. What it means to me has everything to do with what I need, who I am at any given moment. It's a prescription. Doled out in strings and timbre and lyrics.
Realizing so much of my love has been platonic and somehow that was offensive. Two of them asked, "You think I'm cute, like a puppy?" (Yes?)
Thinking about dividing up my blogs - keeping breesays for the daily (ok, monthly?) life stuff, toddler life moment recording and then putting all my ace experiences on a different domain. It all intersects, sure, but there's potentially some darker themes in the ace stuff, and I don't know who wants to go there. breesays - love and light and parenting and recommendations and culture. littlespooncrimes - "People talk to me, and all their faces blur / But I got my fingers laced together and I made a little prison / And I'm locking up everyone that ever laid a finger on me" knife emoji x3
At this juncture in my life I am NOT doing a lot of exploring of that aspect of my identity. I did pre-order all the ace books. I'm listening to a lot of science podcasts on longevity, working on my meditation practice - kind of grounding myself before I go back into excavate some of this stuff. Some of it is humorous in retrospect, some of it physically pains me. I want to be able to rip open old wounds, sure, but I also want to make sure I can recover. I'm not asking for Wolverine-level regeneration, just being able to breathe through a memory and go on living life as opposed to needing 3 hours to be catatonic. See also: cold showers.
Can I recommend another book for you? Elissa Bassist's "Hysterical" - now THAT one had some sections that stunned me into silence. Also rage. And tears. But I read it on GOOGLE PLAY BOOKS so none of my goddamn notes were saved.
Sometimes I get caught up in wondering what kind of havoc I wreaked on ex-whatevers. What is it like to encounter an ace in the wild, when she doesn't know what she is? When she's faking it (but not well) and taking secret shots in your kitchen? When she would love nothing more than to be little spoon but if that was a breadcrumb to sex let's just off ourselves right now. Die inside, by suicide. No blue moons. Crush the stars they can't align.
They're OK. The rest of the world was designed with them in mind.
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Andy Catlett: Early Travels by Wendell Berry
She was being extravagant with the sugar for my sake, as I was more or less aware, and as I took for granted. But knowledge grows with age, and gratitude grows with knowledge. Now I am as grateful to her as I should have been then, and I am troubled with love for her, knowing how she was wrung all her life between her cherished resentments and her fierce affections. A peculiar sorrow hovered about her, and not only for the inevitable losses and griefs of her years; it came also from her settled conviction of the tendency of things to be unsatisfactory, to fail to live up to expectation, to fall short. She was haunted, I think, by the suspicion of a comedown always lurking behind the best appearances. I wonder now if she had ever read Paradise Lost. That poem, with its cosmos of Heaven and Hell and Paradise and the Fallen World, was a presence felt by most of her generation, if only by way of preachers who had read it. Whether or not she had read it for herself, the lostness of Paradise was the prime fact of her world, and she felt it keenly. (pp. 36-37)
***
For my part, I was then not so much superstitious as merely and totally gullible, able to believe without a grain of doubt anything whatever that was told me by anybody older than I was. And my imagination was capable of ratifying the wildest errors and my own most extravagant misunderstandings. (p. 74)
***
When I was behaving myself and out of trouble more or less everywhere, my mother was a refuge to me. She understood the not always manifest quietness I had inside me that made me dislike gatherings and want to be alone. Even when it put her at her wit's end, she understood it. She understood my times of introspection and silence, my susceptibility of being carried away by a book or a thought or something vividly seen in my mind. She encouraged my intermittent bookishness. She approved of what she called my "long thoughts." She was often only amused at my weakness for drifting away from whatever I was supposed to be doing—except when I was supposed to be doing my homework. When I drifted away—mentally or (as I preferred) physically—from that, I "drove her crazy" and made her wonder what was going to become of me. There were times when I sat helplessly not-thinking about my math while she stood over me as helplessly, and perhaps hopelessly too, with a shingle or a switch. At my best, I hope, I deserved her sympathy, for I greatly needed it and took shelter in it. She was, and her memory is, a comfort to me. (p. 79)
***
Increasingly over the last maybe forty years, the thought has come to me that the old world in which our people lived by the work of their hands, close to weather and earth, plants and animals, was the true world; and that the new world of cheap energy and ever cheaper money, honored greed, and dreams of liberation from every restraint, is mostly theater. This new world seems a jumble of scenery and props never quite believable, an economy of fantasies and moods, in which it is hard to remember either the timely world of nature or the eternal world of the prophets and poets. And I fear, I believe I know, that the doom of the older world I knew as a boy will finally afflict the new one that replaced it.
The world I knew as a boy was flawed, surely, but it was substantial and authentic. The households of my grandparents seemed to breathe forth a sense of the real cost and worth of things. Whatever came, came by somebody's work. (p. 93)
***
Time is told by death, who doubts it? But time is always halved—for all we know, it is halved—by the eye blink, the synapse, the immeasurable moment of the present. Time is only the past and maybe the future; the present moment, dividing and connecting them, is eternal. The time of the past is there, somewhat, but only somewhat, to be remembered and examined. We believe that the future is there too, for it keeps arriving, though we know nothing about it. But try to stop the present for your patient scrutiny, or to measure its length with your most advanced chronometer. It exists, so far as I can tell, only as a leak in time, through which, if we are quiet enough, eternity falls upon us and makes its claim. And here I am, an old man, traveling as a child among the dead.
We measure time by its deaths, yes, and by its births. For time is told also by life. As some depart, others come. The hand opened in farewell remains open in welcome. I, who once had grandparents and parents, now have children and grandchildren. Like the flowing river that is yet always present, time that is always going is always coming. And time that is told by death and birth is held and redeemed by love, which is always present. Time, then, is told by love's losses, and by the coming of love, and by love continuing in gratitude for what is lost. It is folded and enfolded and unfolded forever and ever, the love by which the dead are alive and the unborn welcomed into the womb. The great question for the old and the dying, I think, is not if they have loved and been loved enough, but if they have been grateful enough for love received and given, however much. No one who has gratitude is the onliest one. Let us pray to be grateful to the last. (pp. 119-20)
***
It still seemed strange and wonderful to me that the night could pass, so great an event of darkness, and there Port William would be again, just as it was before. (p. 124)
***
I closed the book on that faraway place and sat still to let the familiar house take shape around me again. Presently the clock on the mantel chimed the quarter-hour. Of all the things I loved in that house, I loved that clock maybe the most, for the sound of it signaled the presence of everything else. It played in stately measure a quarter of its tune at a quarter past the hour, half at half past, three-quarters at a quarter till, and the whole again to announce the hour. That tune, when I ring it over in my mind now, calls back into presence the house as it was, all its rooms and furnishings, its sounds and smells. (pp. 124-25)
***
As I watched, it came to me that they were waiting: Granddaddy and Frank Lathrop, each with a son in the army; Grover Gibbs, whose son, Billy, was in the air force; Burley Coulter, whose nephews, Tom and Nathan, had gone off to the army, and who now could hope that Nathan only might return; Jayber Crow, whose calling seems to have been to wait with the others. They were suffering and enduring and waiting, waiting together, joined in their unending game, submitted as the countryside around them was submitted. We had come into the silence that is deeper than any other—the silence of what is yet to come, the silence of one who is waiting for what is yet to come.
And now, as often before, I am reminded how grateful I am to have been there, in that time, with these I have remembered. I was there with them; they remain here with me. For in that little while Port William sank into me, becoming one with the matter and light, and the darkness, of my mind, never again to be far from my thoughts, no matter where I went or what I did. (pp. 139-40)
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a different lover is not a sin
or: 5 times Dean didn't go to Pride + 1 time he did
Happy @starrynightdeancas gift exchange posting day!!! This one's for the wonderful and talented @andzia267 !!! Sending you all the hugs and good vibes, and I hope you enjoy it! And thank you Sophie for hosting all this, you're a rock star! <3
Read on ao3 or below / 5.5k words
CW: homophobia, queer used as a slur, john winchester being an asshole
1 - 1994
Dean was fifteen years old when he found out that being gay was something people could be proud of. It was early in the morning, they'd left their motel about 20 minutes before, and Sammy had fallen asleep in the backseat. The sun was just starting to completely show over the horizon, and they were driving through– or rather, struggling to get out of– Phoenix on their way to a possible poltergeist in Tucson. Every street they tried to take was blocked for the big event, and dozens of people already lined the sidewalks with colorful outfits and signs.
"Fuckin' queers," John grumbled in the seat next to him. "Never should'a thrown that damn brick."
Big banners overhead displayed "Stonewall 25: A Global Celebration of Pride". Dean made a mental note to hit up a library once they got to Tucson to look that up, "Stonewall". In the meantime, he was mesmerized staring out the window. Guys held hands, women kissed, everyone was practically vibrating with excitement. A black man in heels and a wig caught his gaze through the window and waved. Dean started to wave back, but his hand was harshly swatted back down.
"Do not," John said. "Don’t talk to them, don’t even look at ‘em. These people are sick in the head."
Dean focused his gaze on his lap until they were out of the city, and his mind wandered back to the gas station they stopped at the day before. He thought of the guy at the cash register that called him "cutie" and winked at him as he bought a candy bar for Sammy and beers for Dad with his fake ID. By Dad’s logic– which Dean trusted, of course–, that cashier, that queer, must've been sick in the head.
Then Dean remembered how his heart sped up, how his ears got hot, and how for a second he let himself think the cashier was kinda cute too. He realized he must also be sick in the head, and the thought was making him feel actually, physically sick. He felt like throwing up. Dad could never know.
Dean was fifteen years old when he learned that being gay actually wasn't something to be proud of.
---
2 - 2000
Dean was 21 years old when he learned the word “bisexual”. Dad had caught word of a ghoul case in lower Manhattan and sent Dean to take care of it. It was starting to get too hot and the streets were too crowded, but Dean was mostly glad to get a break from the constant fighting between Dad and Sammy.
Except it was June, and every time he turned a corner, there they were. The Pride parade flyers.
The second he spotted a rainbow he averted his gaze. He turned another corner and spotted another one. He avoided reading them at all costs. He heard Dad’s voice. Sick. Sick in the head.
For years now Dean had pretended he wasn’t sick. He pretended to not stare at Patrick Swayze too much whenever Dirty Dancing played on TV. He pretended like he didn't imagine what it would be like to kiss a guy, what stubble would feel like against his lips if he ever did.
He liked women. He could stick to women. He could live his whole life like that. And that meant he wasn’t totally sick, right? He wasn’t gay -gay if he liked girls.
But then what the hell was he? Would he even belong at one of these Pride things if he wanted to? He was probably a freak of nature. Even sicker than the rest of the bunch.
Curiosity got the best of him. He spared a glance at one of the flyers as he waited to cross the street.
Gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transexuals, ALL WELCOME
“Are you gonna go?” A voice next to him asked. ”It’s next weekend.” He was blond, pale, and a bit shorter than Dean.
“What? No! I don't swing that way,” Dean said, a bit too quickly and with too much bite.
The guy looked him up and down with a frown. “Geez, alright. Just askin’.”
He started to walk away, and Dean spoke up before he could stop himself.
“Hey man, wait.”
The guy stopped walking.
“Sorry, can I ask you something? Assuming you... know about this stuff?”
He seemed exasperated, but he turned anyway, willing to hear Dean out. Dean licked his lips, rubbed at the back of his neck, swallowed nervously. He couldn’t believe he was doing this, asking a stranger on the street about something so personal. At least the chances of meeting this person ever again were close to none.
“What’s bisexual?”
The guy’s features softened a bit. He seemed to understand something about Dean that so far Dean refused to acknowledge.
“It means you’re into more than one gender. And yes, you can do that,” the guy said. He flashed Dean a tight smile and then disappeared into the crowd.
Dean felt his hands go numb and balled them into fists, shoving them in his pockets. He took a deep breath through his nose. The guy said you. You are. You can.
The guy didn’t know what he was talking about. He knew nothing about Dean. He was wrong.
Or maybe he was right.
But he couldn’t be.
Dean couldn’t be… that.
Dean was 21 years old when he decided he wasn’t bisexual. He wasn’t anything. He was also 21 when he solved a case in record time (two days), just so he could book it out of New York before the next weekend arrived.
---
3 - 2004
By the time he was 25 years old, Dean knew he was bi. He hated it, he never spoke about it, and he ignored it as much as he could, but he was aware of it. And he knew he was bi because, at 25 years old, he’d already gone through two serious breakups, and they both equally sucked.
The first was Lee. He hunted with Dean and John for about a year, the second half of which Dean and Lee spent sneaking around and hooking up behind John’s back. It was fun, and hot, and exciting, and some of the best hookups he’d had up until that point in his life were with Lee.
But the thing is that it wasn’t just hooking up. They were close, and Dean liked him. A lot. They kissed for the first time after a particularly scary werewolf hunt in which Dean almost died, but John was more preoccupied with the mostly-unharmed victim than his own son. Dean and Lee rode in the backseat, bruised, bloody, and quiet. When John went to walk the victim up to her apartment, Lee reached over and placed a hand on Dean’s back, asking him if he was okay. Dean fell into Lee’s arms, and they kissed as they pulled away from the embrace, soft and comforting. It was Dean’s first kiss with a guy.
Lee was a lot of firsts for Dean over the next few months. But then John almost caught them once, drunk and making out in the Impala.
And then that case in Arizona went wrong, and Lee just couldn’t take it anymore. He packed up, swore off hunting, hugged Dean goodbye, and left him in the dust.
Dean needed to clear his head after that. He could barely look his dad in the eye after that close call, couldn't let him see the sorrow he was feeling. With every interaction, he imagined how John would yell at him, probably try to beat it out of him, if he noticed all he was feeling over Lee. Or worse, John could ignore him, practically disown him like he did Sam.
So he also packed up and left. Went hunting on his own for a while.
It was on one of those hunts that he met Cassie, and she was yet another handful of firsts for Dean over the course of a few months. She was amazing, and he fell hard and fast, but of course that went up in flames too.
Then again, he should've known better than to be honest. Honesty only ever got him in trouble.
He’d just left her back in Ohio and was working at a bar in Indianapolis for a few weeks to make some cash. He’d eventually meet back up with Dad. He just couldn’t right now. Not with Sam gone to college. Not after getting his heart broken twice over within a year.
He was hyper-aware of the end of June approaching. He knew it was coming, Indy had a pretty big celebration, and he made sure to be working all day that day so he wouldn't have to face it.
That was pointless, though. Toward the end of the day, a big group of about ten or twelve people who were clearly coming from the parade stumbled into the bar. One of them was apparently the owner’s little sister and they went there every year after the celebrations. They were loud, and obnoxious, and looked incredibly happy. Their happiness was contagious, and Dean loved serving them. He chatted them up, got to know them a bit, and heard all about the parade, all while staring down anyone at the bar who dared look their way with even the slightest stink eye.
But watching them that happy and comfortable, seeing not one, but two pairs of guys sloppily leaning against each other and sharing the occasional kiss while none of their friends seemed to bat an eye… something in Dean ached. Deeply.
Dean was 25 years old when he realized that a small part of him kind of, sort of, wanted to be part of this community. He couldn’t though. Not if he wanted to be on good terms with Dad. Not if he aimed to be the man Dad wanted him to be.
He left Indianapolis the next day.
---
4 - 2008
Dean was 29 years old and on his own personal highway to hell when he learned his brother went to a Pride parade before he ever did. They were driving through San José, the streets were lined with ads for Silicon Valley Pride, and Sam just casually decided to mention how fun it was the last time he went.
Thankfully they were at a red light, or else Dean probably would’ve slammed the breaks. He twisted to look at Sam head-on, his arm on the back of the seat.
“You what ?” he gawked.
Sam shrugged innocently. “What?”
“You went to one of these Pride things?”
“Yeah, dude.”
Dean’s brain was just trying and failing to load. “Why?” he finally asked.
“Jessica was in the GSA and some friends invited us. It was awesome.”
“She was in the what?”
“The G. S. A.,” Sam answered slowly. “Gay-Straight Alliance.”
“Oh.” Whatever that is, Dean thought. He kept eyeing the flyers. It was tomorrow.
“Green.”
“What?”
“Light’s green. Green means go.”
Dean rolled his eyes. "Shut up."
He kept driving and turned up the radio. Somebody To Love was playing, and as much as he liked Queen, he had to change the station. He tried to picture his little brother (his straight little brother) wearing rainbow face paint and having the time of his life at this thing. How come Sammy got to go when Dean could barely entertain the idea? Dean was the not-straight one. It wasn’t fair.
He channeled his jealousy into gripping the steering wheel.
“You okay, Dean?”
“Yeah.” No. “Yeah, m’fine.”
Dean was 29 years old when he died and went to hell without ever having gone to a Pride parade, knowing that his idiot ( straight! ) little brother already had.
---
5 - 2014
Dean was alive again and 35 years old (75, if you count hell) when he was formally invited to a Pride parade for the first time. It was a couple of days after that whole mess with Cas in Lucifer’s crypt, and he called Charlie. He just wanted to hear her voice, needed to know he was still on good terms with at least one of his best friends.
“So anyway,” Charlie said after a while of recounting what she’d been up to. "How single are you right now? My answer is: miserably."
Dean chuckled. Then he thought of Cas, and the smile disappeared. "Yeah, you and me both, sister."
“Would you mind coming with me to this thing next month? Going alone kinda sucks.”
Dean put the phone on speaker and placed it on the library table as he sat down with a beer. “What’s the thing?”
“Pride.”
Dean was glad no one was around to see him almost choke on his drink.
“You good?”
“Yeah, what was that?”
“Pride parade. Don’t have anyone to go with this year.”
“Why uh… Why? Why me?”
She knows.
“I dunno.”
She knows she knows she knows.
“You’re my friend, Dean. Thought maybe you might be interested. But never mind, I guess.”
And while all the alarms in Dean's head were blaring danger danger danger abort, he also hated to hear Charlie so disappointed.
“Hey, no, listen, Charlie, I… I would. Really. You know I support you, wholeheartedly." And that's obviously the only reason I would want to go. "But with Sam doing these trials, and Cas on the run with the angel tablet–”
“It’s okay Dean, I get it. Talk to you soon?”
“Yeah.”
And she hung up.
Dean knew, at this point, that there was nothing wrong with being queer. It wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, and it sure as hell didn’t mean you were wrong in the head or whatever.
But years of pretending to be a false version of yourself in an effort to please a man who was impossible to please wasn’t exactly an easy habit to break. As much as he wished it didn't, as much as he wished he could just exist, the thought of anyone finding out still made him sick to the stomach.
John’s voice still echoed in his ears. His words still drove Dean’s sense of self-worth and so many of his decisions. He tried to never stare at a good-looking guy for too long. He tried to not get too into it with Benny. He tried to keep his feelings for Cas at bay, tried to keep him at arm's length, tried to keep the fact that he was in love (deeply, stupidly in love) as close to his chest as he could.
Even that night at the crypt choking out the words to get through to Cas, he couldn’t bring himself to say what he meant. I love you, he’d wanted to say, because it was the truth. What came out, however, was I need you. And he did, he needed Cas more than air, but it wasn't quite everything.
It still got his heart split in two.
Was he so far gone over Cas that he couldn’t hide it? Had he been trying so hard and failing just as miserably this whole time? Was his attraction to dudes that obvious? Or did Charlie just have a sixth sense for this kinda thing?
It was probably the last one. He hoped it was.
Cas knew, for sure. Angels knew everything right? They could read minds, feel longing, or whatever. And if none of that ever tipped him off, well, Dean put it all on the line back in that crypt. He told Cas how he felt, told him he needed him, tried putting himself out there, and it got him left. Again. With Dean, it was always leave-or-get-left when it came to love. He was tired of it.
Dean was 35 years old, desperately in love with his best friend, and truly heartbroken for the third time in his life, when his other best friend– an out and proud lesbian– gave him a chance to go to Pride, to break through his shell, to finally embrace himself as he was; but because he was practically living in the closet, he couldn’t seem to find the handle after so many years of purposefully ignoring its existence, and he missed his chance. Besides, what was the point of going to a celebration of love without the love of his life by his side?
---
+1 - 2021
Dean is now 42 years old and the happiest he’s ever been. The love of his life? Cas? Turns out he’s felt the same way all along. They're kind of together now, and slowly but surely they’re working through a decade’s worth of shit.
They’ve been raising a kid together too, along with Sam and Eileen, and that kid is also God. After saving the world and whatnot, Jack decided to bring back some of their friends and family that died over the years: Mary, Kevin, Charlie. Yes, there are two Charlies now, but it’s not as confusing as you’d expect. (One is from another dimension, and the other one is Dean’s little sister. Simple.) Mary’s off hunting most of the time and Kevin’s applying to college.
They’ve got extended family now too, Jody and the girls. OG Charlie is staying with them for now, while she finds her footing. Most of that household is queer. Most of Dean's household is queer as well, actually. Turns out both Jack and Eileen are non-binary, Cas is gay in the broader sense of the word, and Dean…
Dean is bi. And everyone knows now.
Apparently, a lot of people had known for a long time. Sam has known since the siren back in ‘09 (even though Dean stands by the fact that it wasn’t like that, Sammy ), and everyone has slowly picked up on his and Cas’s thing over the years, so there’s that.
He still feels a bit weird about it. About calling Cas his boyfriend, about having the freedom to hold his hand in public, about the fact that they now have goddamn pride flags hung around the bunker. He feels even weirder about the fact that John’s voice in his head is now drowned out by the sounds of his home life, more lively and supportive than he ever expected to have.
He wasn’t expecting any of this, he didn’t think everything would change so fast. But when you spend the better part of your life pushing down such a huge part of you and then finally give yourself an out, a chance to show the people who love you who you really are, everything just... follows.
Love follows. Acceptance follows. Family follows. And he wasn’t really expecting any of it.
He certainly doesn’t expect it when Cas walks into the library after his weekly Thursday evening call with Claire and announces, matter-of-factly and with air quotes, “We’re going to "Pride" this weekend.”
Dean’s stomach drops. It’s the Sioux Falls Pride Parade and Festival, it’s in two days, and they’re leaving tomorrow to spend the night at Jody’s so they can all be there bright and early Saturday morning. Everyone immediately starts bustling about, packing and planning outfits and gathering flags to bring with them.
Dean just goes to his room– his and Cas’s now– to pack a small duffle.
Well, he means to. Instead, he takes out the duffle from the closet, puts it on the bed, and sits next to it for a while. An hour goes by. He thinks back to all those times he had brushes with one of these things and was just never in the right mindset. He’s not even sure he’s in the right mindset now, but he’s going. It’s happening.
“Jack’s all ready to go,” Cas says when he walks in. “We spent about half an hour putting together an outfit for Saturday. He wanted it to be as colorful as possible.”
Dean smiles, but it’s not all there. He looks at the empty duffle next to him.
“Yeah, I might need some help with that myself.”
Cas is in sweats and a hoodie. Yes it’s June, yes it’s hot, but he’s a quasi-angel, and the way he experiences the world Dean will never be able to wrap his head around. He walks over and stands in front of Dean, running a hand through his hair and down the side of his face until he’s cupping Dean’s jaw. Dean takes Cas’s hand and leaves a few kisses on the inside of his wrist, closing his eyes as he does.
Cas regards the empty bag and hums quietly, as if in thought, before walking over to their closet. Dean chases his hand, holding onto it until he’s completely out of reach. Cas starts searching, and Dean’s stomach knots more and more with each clang of the hangers. Cas finally pulls out a flannel from its hanger– purple with hints of blue and pink– and tosses it over. Dean can’t believe he didn’t think of it first.
They continue to pack in comfortable silence before changing and getting into bed. Dean doesn’t flop onto his stomach or cuddle into Cas’s side as he usually does; instead, he lies on his back and stares at the ceiling in a daze.
“Dean?” Cas’s voice snaps him out of it.
Dean turns his head and asks, automatically, “You okay?”
It’s a habit by now, asking each other that question. It’s part of the working-through-a-decade’s-worth-of-shit thing they’re doing. Turns out they share a whole lot of trauma. They share worries and insecurities. They share nightmares sometimes, mostly about the Empty.
“I’m okay,” Cas says, putting his hand on top of Dean’s heart for him to hold, and Dean can breathe a little easier.
“You nervous about this thing?” Dean asks, interlocking their fingers.
“The parade? No, not really.”
And then, because he's been working on communicating how he's feeling out loud or whatever, Dean looks back up at the ceiling and says, "I am. Kinda."
He feels Cas shifting and propping himself up on his elbow, and then he's in Dean's line of sight. Dean's gaze is drawn to him, like all of him has been since the moment they met, and Dean can't believe he just has this now. He has a boyfriend, and it's Cas, and he's looking down at Dean with stars in his eyes and a comforting smile that actually works because it's Cas.
And then Cas is leaning down and softly pressing their lips together, and that's also something Dean can’t believe he gets to do: kiss Cas good morning and good night and at any moment in between, kiss him I'm sorry, kiss him we're going to be okay, kiss him I love you.
"I love you too, Dean," Cas says once they've pulled away, and Dean didn't even realize he'd said it out loud, but it doesn't matter. "And you don't need to be nervous. I'll be there with you."
The thought should be a thousand times more nerve-wracking, not just going to Pride but going to Pride with Cas on his arm. It's not nerve-wracking at all, and he soon drifts off to sleep.
Friday goes by faster than it should. The six-hour drive to Sioux Falls, although packed in a car with five people, goes by in a blink. They stop for provisions before getting to Jody's, filling up on backpacks' worth of snacks.
They get to the house and are met with endless hugs and excitement to match. Patience, Alex, and Jody are already working on dinner for the bunch, while Charlie, Donna, and Kaia are running around prepping for the next day and dragging along a hesitant but nevertheless happy Claire. Dinner is chaotic and loud and there are way too many people at the table, and Dean has to step outside after a while.
He sits on the back porch steps. Claire joins him. She's holding a beer, he's not. He hasn't been drinking for a few months now. They don't talk, but she leans her head on his shoulder and they stay there a while, looking at the stars.
When they go back inside, Claire sits back down in her spot at Cas's left, across the table from Dean, and leans on his shoulder for a while too. It's her way of saying she cares, of saying I missed you without really saying it. Jack sits at Cas's right, talking excitedly with Patience about some tv show or other, and the image fills Dean with such fondness that he reaches over with his foot, presses it to Cas's ankle, and keeps it there for the rest of the night.
Dean, Cas, Jack, Sam, and Eileen spend the night spread out around in the living area while the girls sleep in their respective rooms, and Dean is only slightly less nervous as he falls asleep holding Cas’s hand.
---
The nerves all come flooding back as he’s parking the Impala the next morning.
They’re not able to get even remotely close to Phillips Avenue since the streets are so full. They park the three cars that all twelve of them came in as close as they can and then have to walk for another twenty minutes. From blocks and blocks away, people walk and holler and greet them excitedly, many of them trying to circle this swarm of flanneled individuals that are taking up a whole sidewalk. Granted, Dean and Claire are the only ones in their usual kind of outfit. The rest of the bunch is wearing as many colors as they could compile from their closets, half of them are wearing face paint, and the other half are carrying an assortment of pride flags.
They fit right in.
The walk toward the main avenue of the parade is kind of a blur for Dean. He knows he waved at a few people, some friends of Alex from high school joined the group at some point, and Jack already grabbed a snack from his backpack.
The actual parade is also kind of hazy. Getting out of the house that morning had been probably even more chaotic than the night before, so they’re a bit late and the parade has already been going for a good half hour. On top of that, they accidentally merge into it not quite at the starting point but a bit further down the road, in between a decked-out pickup truck and a group of people with dogs. Music is blaring, the dogs are all barking, a big float rides a few yards in front of them, and hundreds stand on the sidewalks recording on their phones and cheering them along.
Dean’s not sure they’re even supposed to be in the actual parade. Maybe they’re supposed to be on the sidewalks? Is this right? What is happening, what is he even doing here?
He doesn’t notice how heavy he’s breathing until Cas is squeezing his hand and beckoning him to meet his eyes. He does, and the blue in them, as imposing as the Atlantic, drowns out everything else around them. “You’re okay, my love,” Cas says. It’s a fact. As long as Dean is with him, he’s okay.
On his other side, Dean feels someone link their arm around his. It’s Charlie, and she’s beaming at them, her cheeks almost as red as her hair. It brings Dean back to reality, grounds him, but he’s okay now. He’s not alone, and he’s meant to be here.
He’s proud to be here.
The parade leads up to a sloping park, and at the lowest point of it, there’s a stage where Dean assumes someone will MC for the afternoon, or maybe perform. It’s grandiose in its simplicity, kind of like a Greek theater, with everyone settling down on the grass around it, expectantly.
“We’ll be right back,” Dean hears Sam say, and he turns to find they’re all set to spend the afternoon, towels laid and backpacks off (save for his). “Jack wants to go meet the drag queens,” Sam says with just a bit too much glee before he and Jack take off.
“It’s not just Jack,” Eileen smiles and follows.
Cas is already sitting, eating one of the PB&Js he packed as lunches for everyone. Jody and Donna are settling down as well and Charlie’s taking a dozen pictures, but the rest of the girls are all standing. “We’re gonna go check out the vendors,” Claire announces, and they start to take off as well.
“Be careful, please!” Dean calls after them, but they pay him no mind. He turns to Charlie. “Hey, your majesty, keep an eye on them will you?”
She smiles, bows gracefully, and heads in the same direction.
Jody stands and grabs Dean by the arm, beckoning him to talk in private for a second.
“What’s up?”
If Dean knows Jody at all, and he does, they’re on the brink of a mom talk.
“Look around, Dean.”
“What for?”
“Just look,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Please?”
So, at her request, Dean starts taking in the environment. Now that everyone is gathered, he can actually see all the people that came out (heh) for the event. There are church groups, pet shelters, skateboarders, and rollerskaters. Drag queens are already taking pictures by the stage, and at least two people are wearing unicorn heads. A few vendors’ tents and food trucks surround the park, and rainbows completely dominate the scenery. There are elders, and kids, and all kinds of families and couples, and everyone looks… happy. Free.
And Dean is here with them. He is one of them.
There’s no danger, no monsters of any kind. No one to judge him, hurt him, call him sick in the head.
He finds Claire’s blonde head amongst the sea of shoppers at the edge of the park. She’s holding hands with Kaia and has one of the biggest smiles Dean has ever seen on her face. There’s no shame in it, and she’s not in any danger either. Things are different now, and she has the freedom to be herself that he never had at her age.
He has it now too. He can be himself.
Dean doesn’t realize he’s about to cry until Jody pulls him down into a hug.
“Dean, I am so proud of you.”
And then he cries.
---
They spend the afternoon laying on the grass, eating, drinking, and enjoying the festivities. The girls come back from the vendors’ tents after a full hour, and most of the bags on their arms are Charlie’s. She gets Cas a mug that says bee yourself in rainbow colors with an image of a cartoon bee, and she gets Dean a button pin that says AC/DC in pink and blue. There’s a meaning behind that apparently, and Dean decides he’ll look it up later.
Jack memorizes all the drag queen’s names. Donna takes a million pictures. They trade numbers with a few people.
There’s a big fireworks show just after sundown. It starts to get windy and a bit chilly, so Dean grabs the nearest pride flag and wraps it around himself. Cas, the perpetual freak who just doesn’t feel temperature apparently, is wearing a t-shirt and shorts and smiling at him unabashedly.
“What?”
“That’s the bisexual flag.”
So it is. “Shut up,” Dean says, but he’s smiling too. “You want in on this?”
He doesn’t wait for Cas to respond before he wraps it around his shoulders as well. The fireworks continue.
“You know,” Cas says after a beat. “As beautiful as they are, pyrotechnics are extremely damaging to the environment.”
Dean can’t help but laugh because of course, Cas would say something like that in a moment like this. He laughs and laughs and regrets being the only one to have heard that; then again, he’s the only one who could’ve found that funny.
He laughs a bit more, wipes a tear, and sees that Cas is still just solemnly watching the show.
“Cas?”
“Yes, Dean?” He replies and then turns his head.
Dean wants to kiss him. He wants to kiss him so bad. Then he remembers where he is, physically and in his life right now, realizes whom he’s surrounded by at this very second, and decides that he can.
So he does. It’s not unlike the way he kissed Cas when they rescued him from the Empty. Granted, there’s less sweat, blood, adrenaline. But just like that day, they’re both on the ground, and the gesture catches Cas by surprise. Just like that day, Dean pulls Cas in gently by the back of his neck and there’s no hesitance or fear. Just like that day, he just does it, presses their lips firmly together, and relishes in the taste of Castiel, in the feeling of the person he loves most in this world kissing him back.
The one big difference is this: that day marked the beginning of the rest of his life. Today? Today is just Dean’s first Pride.
#userstarry#starrynightdeancas gift exchange#aaaahhh i hope you liked this beloved match!!!#gen.fics#spncreatorsdaily#creativecaviar#userjennmish#userdorksinlove#tuserari#plantdadcas#offbeattraxx#slipper007#thisisapaige#lyntracks#dean winchester#destiel#deancas#deanbenny#deancassie#saileen#dreamhunter#dean x lee#there's so many ships in this im sorry its ULTIMATELY destiel
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SWINDLERS' LIST: Love Addicts Make Perfect Victims for Romance Scammers
I’ve said this before, but I am grateful every day that I didn’t come of age in the Digital Age. I shudder to think how often Tinder would have sent me to the Clap Clinic, which is what we affectionately called the Student Health Center at UC Santa Barbara. The worst kinds of revenge porn I ever suffered was some guy scrawling my phone number on a bathroom wall, and another naming a character in a dirty book after me. And, like any decent hopeless romantic (the accepted term for love addict back then), I would have been a perfect target for romance scammers.
Reports of online romance scams have tripled since 2015, according to the Federal Trade Commission. They received 32,000 consumer complaints about romance scammers in 2020, amounting to losses in excess of $304 million — and since one assumes that the majority of people who lose money to romance scammers are too embarrassed or ashamed to report the loss, we can assume it’s even higher. (The FBI estimates it at $600 million.)
Statistically, you’re most likely to be scammed if you’re over 55, female, and live in California. I am all of those things. Luckily, I am also a cynical curmudgeon and haven’t given a man money since 1988. (Well, except my son. I give him money all the time.) The average loss is $2,500 per person, ranging from cost of a phone card someone that said they needed to whisper sweet nothings in your ear, to the $250,000 a cute, sad blonde in Norway gave to the infamous Tinder Swindler.
Now, I don’t want to blame the victim, here. Simon Leviev (not his given name, of course) is an accomplished con man, and if he hadn’t been talking smitten women into buying him plane fare he would have been talking retirees into buying penny stocks. He knew how to spot a sucker. You’d think he read the Twelve Characteristics of Sex and Love Addiction and used it as a checklist.
Cecilie Fjellhoy is one of three women out of the dozens Leviev swindled who came forward in the recent Netflix documentary The Tinder Swindler. She had been on Tinder for seven years when she swiped right on Simon. He was her 1,024th match on the app, because hope springs eternal when you are hopeless romantic. (Characteristic #3: Fearing emotional and/or sexual deprivation, we compulsively pursue and involve ourselves in one relationship after another…)
He treated her to champagne, sushi and caviar at their first meeting. “Butterflies!” she says. “It was the perfect first kiss.“ That night, he whisked her off to in a private jet (paid for with another woman’s money) and they slept together in a fancy hotel. “Things had gone very quickly with us,” she says, “but that’s how I am when I feel an emotional connection.” (Characteristic #1: Having few healthy boundaries, we become sexually involved with and/or emotionally attached to people without knowing them.)
She didn’t know that the constant love-bombing via voicemail and WhatsApp was being copied and pasted to other women at the same time, but a “normie” might have found it offputtingly over the top in the first place. Too much is never enough for an addict. Cecilie couldn’t have known how carefully he staged the “imminent danger” he was in, or how often he had pulled the same gag, but it’s a classic love addict move to mortgage her home to bail him out.
“He is the kind of person you want to save,” she says. “The first memories I have about love is Disney. I memorized Beauty and the Beast. She meets this person and she saves him, and he saves her… it just sticks with you, the feeling of a prince coming to save you.” (Characteristic #4: We confuse love with neediness, physical and sexual attraction, pity and/or the need to rescue or be rescued.)
Even though the fallout from this so-called relationship (she thought she was in one while he knew he wasn’t, and that can happen without any financial incentive involved) sent Cecilie to a psychiatric hospital, she still doesn’t appear to identify with love addiction or see it as a problem. “The most happiest times I’ve had is when I’ve been in love,” she says. “No matter how many heartbreaks you’ve had, you still go after it. I think life is about love.” (Characteristic #5: We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and commitment, we continually search for relationships and sexual contacts.”)
“Everyone has that hope deep inside that it will be as magical as they were portraying it to be,” says Cecilie. And that’s how they get you.
Most romance scammers are not well-dressed Israelis who fly you to Bulgaria on a private jet. They’re usually boiler-room professionals who hacked the profile photos they’ve posted and will have a million excuses why they can’t meet you in person. Here are some tips on avoiding them. But maybe the best way to avoid them is to recognize why we are attracted to them in the first place, to understand why they are so compelling and so inevitably painful:
Characteristic #12: We assign magical qualities to others. We idealize and pursue them, then blame them for not fulfilling our fantasies and expectations.
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One Shot Werewolf Story
So... first of all, Next part of PFTS should be coming out soon. It's going to take some work to make sure that I pull all the threads that's I've placed in all the worlds together without plot holes, so apologize for how long it's taking. Will probably finish this last world in 2-3 parts, with possibly 1 or two extra parts from Liam and the Traveler's perspective.
Now, back to the story at hand. About a week ago, I wandered into the werewolf side of Wattpad. It was very... interesting. Never written about werewolves before. Thought it might be fun to try my own using my own style. (Women who constantly think they aren't pretty or good enough for the man, men who force physical intimacy and growl "mine" aren't really going to work for me.)
Anyways, It's about a 13k oneshot. It's a bit out of my norm, so I hope you guys enjoy! (Also I would love to hear ideas on what to title this.)
Here it is:
________________________
“I can’t believe you read this garbage!” Alyssa’s coworker held up the book in her hand, staring at it with disgust. “What do you see in books like this, anyways?”
Alyssa sighed, looking up at the book in question. The cover showed a shirtless muscular man holding a busty woman while scowling at the camera, with the title written across the top in bright orange words: “The Alpha’s Timid Mate.”
“I don’t read it for fun.” She muttered, reaching up and snatching the book back. Opening the large roller suitcase behind her, she found its place among the hundreds of other werewolf books and put it away carefully.
“Then what is it?” Her coworker asked with a tone of disbelief.
“Research.”
“Really? Research? For what? When your werewolf boyfriend shows up out of nowhere? “ She let out a derisive snort. “Sure.”
“…You don’t understand.”
She doesn’t understand us. The wolf in Alyssa’s head spoke up silently.
“That’s what I said.”
Can we eat her? Her wolf seemed excited by the idea.
“No. You know we can’t. You don’t even really want to. You’re just acting out because you’re upset I won’t let you watch horror movies any more.”
I am not acting out! But since you mentioned it… bring back the horror movies!
“No.”
“What are you talking about?” Her coworker frowned; confused by the conversation she could only hear half of.
Turning to her briefly, Alyssa shrugged. “Sorry, I’m just having a small discussion. I’ll be free to talk shortly.”
“Don’t bother.” The girl walked away, whispering under her breath. “Freak.”
Should have just eaten her.
“Wolves don’t even eat people. Stop pretending.”
How do you know? Maybe WEREwolves DO eat people! You have no clue! You haven’t found a pack yet. Even though you PROMISED!
“I know, I know.” Alyssa rubbed her forehead tiredly. “It’s harder than I thought it would be.”
I’m lonely and bored! I want to go run! I want a pack!
“Anything else, Your Highness? A bone on a silver platter?”
The wolf paused at that, pouting quietly … I’m hungry. Feed us something tasty.
“That I can do. We’ll eat on our lunch break.”
Steak?
“…We’ll see.”
As her wolf silently cheered, the door to the bookstore she was tending opened. A strange smell reached her nose. Mint and pine along with another scent she couldn’t quite place.
Alyssa looked up and was startled. The man who walked in looked like he had stepped off the cover of one of her werewolf books. Muscular, handsome… his brown hair just long enough to frame his green eyes. And tall… Alyssa had always known she was short, but never felt quite so at a disadvantage height wise as she did at the man’s approach.
He looks like the lead from book #298. Her wolf suggested in an interested tone.
“I was thinking book #645, but I see your point.”
Why do you think he’s here?
“I don’t know.”
As he moved closer, his gaze meeting her own, Alyssa stepped back, the sound of her wolf’s growl filling her mind.
HE’S A WEREWOLF! … even better, he smells strong… an ALPHA? QUICK, MATE HIM!
An alpha? Crap. Alyssa had done enough research to know that was bad news. “Look here, missy, I am not assaulting some stranger just because…”
Then let’s switch over to wolf so I can do it!
“No!”
“Excuse me…” The man spoke up, his voice hesitant and trailing off.
Alyssa turned and hurried out the back. Passing through the bookshelves, she heard someone following close behind, and picked up the pace. The door squeaked loudly as she forced it open, slamming against the wall as she broke out into a run towards the back alley.
“Wait!” The man’s voice called out.
Seeing that they were now alone, she stopped in her tracks, and turned, more irritated than nervous. “What?”
“…” He seemed thrown off by her sudden change, but shook his head, studying her closely. The man seemed to recognize something, and moved quickly to stand next to her. “You’re…” His eyes widened, and he reached out to grab her. “A werewolf? My mate?!”
YES! I knew it! Her wolf’s scream of excitement echoed in her mind.
Alyssa sighed tiredly, reaching into her bag. “Well, crap.”
________________________
It had been a terrible day.
Lewis listened to his family arguing, wishing for the thousandth time that he wasn’t in charge.
“Nightfang’s pack could wipe us out!” Gary, his Beta, slammed his fist on the table, the force of it scattering plates and cups.
Lewis’s mother stood up, and despite her height only coming only to the enormous man’s chin he shrunk down in fear. “…Did you just mess up my kitchen?”
“…”
“Then you’re gonna be a good boy and clean that up right now, yes?” She raised an eyebrow. “Or you won’t have to worry about that Nightfang pack. There won’t be enough of you left for them to fight over once I’m through.”
“…I’ll clean it up right away, Ma’am.”
“That’s what I thought.” She turned to Lewis, patting his shoulder comfortingly. “What’s you plan to deal with this, dear?”
“My plan?” His voice came out slightly more stressed than he meant it to.
“Well, you’re the alpha. Your father left it to you to protect us. “
“Yes. Of course… a plan… which I definitely have.”
Gary and his mate Berta glanced at each other from the other side of the table.
“He doesn’t have a plan.”
“Did you really expect him to?”
“Hey!” At Lewis’s hurt exclamation, Gary shrugged.
“No offense, Alpha, but since your broth… since Nightfang left and took half the pack with him, things have been a little disorganized. You have to admit that’s true.”
Lewis walked over to the window of the cabin, leaning on the sill and staring up at the cloudy sky. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. We were supposed to help each other. Help the pack. But now it’s all just one huge mess and I’m the only one left to take care of it.
Hey, you’re not alone! His wolf’s irritated voice burst out. I’m always here. We’re stuck together for life!
I’m aware. He chuckled quietly. Glad to have you, Buddy.
So… Can we go find our mate now?
You know we can’t. There could be an attack any day now. Besides, I’ve already visited all the packs within driving distance. She’s not there.
Maybe she’s human, like our mom. We should go to town and find her.
Yeah, just go to town and pick up a mate like going to the grocery store to pick up milk. No problem with that.
She’s probably waiting for us! She’s wondering what’s taking us so long to find her. What if she thinks we can’t provide for her? Hurry, you have to find her…. Bring steak… no… four steaks… fatty ones! It will show that we can feed her… make her fat! She’ll definitely want to mate with us then!
Nothing turns women on more than shoving red meat in their face and telling them that you’ll help them gain weight.
Like you would know? Who have you dated? Regale me with tales of your vast experience.
Hey! You haven’t dated either.
I have instincts, at least.
“Lewis?” Gary’s voice broke him from his silent talk with his wolf.
He turned back “We’ll tighten up the patrol schedule.” He rubbed his forehead.
“It will mean giving up territory.”
“I’m aware.” The words came out as a growl. Territory was everything. In the old days it was a pack’s survival. The instinct to protect it at all costs remained, but Lewis had no choice. “Their safety matters more.”
The pack has to be protected first.
Agree. His wolf sounded unhappy, but stood by him, as always.
“Alright then. Continue with training, and preparing for if Nightfang brings his pack for war.” Lewis sighed. “Hopefully they’ll wait until the colder weather passes.”
Although it might be just delaying the inevitable.
“You are all dismissed.” As he stood up, however, his mother stopped him with a smile.
“Can you pick up some milk, dear? I’m out.”
“… Sure, Mom.” He held back a laugh thinking about his conversation with his wolf, knowing that no one else would get the joke. Maybe I’ll pick up my mate while I’m there.
He headed into town.
As he parked his car and walked towards the supermarket, however, his wolf suddenly started shouting in his head.
She’s here!
Lewis frowned. Who? Nightfang or one of his followers?
No, you idiot! Our mate!
Where? He skidded to a halt, staring around frantically. His heart started to race, as he prepared to meet his soulmate… the one he had been waiting for his entire life.
In the bookstore! His wolf wasn’t much better, barely able to communicate in its excitement.
He opened the door, ignoring the soft chime that sounded out to alert a new customer’s arrival. His eyes scanned the room, trying to spot… something. A familiar face, a special feeling. How do you know if someone is your mate…?
His silent voice trailed off in shock as he stared at… her.
She was beautiful.
Dark curls, the tips just barely brushing her shoulders. She was short… very short. He felt awkwardly tall, wondering if she would dislike his height. She seemed to be packing a book into a suitcase, but then turned to face him.
Her grey eyes widened at the sight of him.
Does she feel it too?
QUICK, FEED HER!
With what?!!! I don’t have any food!
Why didn’t you bring the steaks?!!! Now she’s going to think we’re weak and she’ll starve as our mate! What if she leaves us?!!
Human women don’t need steaks for courtship… watch.
Lewis cleared his throat. “Excuse me…”
She turned and rushed out of the store.
…
…
…You were saying?
…Maybe you were right about the steaks.
He followed her out to the back of the shop, cringing at the suspicious looks that the customers in the shop gave him.
I’m chasing after a girl into a back alley. I’ll be lucky if no one calls the cops.
She’s our mate! We could never hurt her!
They don’t know that. She might not even know that!
To his shock she stopped and turned around once they were out of the store. Placing her hands on her hips, she glared at him. “What?”
“…” She was even more mesmerizing up close. Lewis nervously cleared his throat, stepping closer.
Her scent filled his senses. Lilac and spring and… wolf?
She’s a werewolf! That’s awesome! Let’s shift and show her how strong our wolf form is. It’s much better looking than the human look.
“You’re…” Feeling stunned, he reached out, wanting to touch her, to hold her hand. “A werewolf? My mate?”
This is amazing! His mate, his soulmate was standing right in front of him. Would she be happy too? Was she excited to meet us?
She didn’t seem shocked. Didn’t seem happy either… or angry, or afraid. Her face just showed mild… annoyance?
Does she not feel the bond?
“Well, crap.”
As she spoke out with a matter of fact tone, Lewis’s hand neared her shoulder, only to spasm and drop as he fell to the ground shaking. His mate stood over him, staring down at him blankly, the Taser in her hand still sparking.
Well, crap. He silently echoed his mate’s words as darkness overcame him.
________________________
Alyssa sat on her favorite chair, holding her favorite mug, drinking her favorite tea, wrapped in her favorite blanket, hoping it would improve her mood.
It wasn’t working.
Mostly due to the large man on her living room floor, just now waking up from the effects of her Taser… and the large animal sedative she stuck him with after he went down. He blinked his eyes, seeming confused and disoriented.
He’s adorable. I bet his wolf is good looking! Can you ask him to shift? Her wolf hadn’t shut up since they met the other werewolf.
“Shush. He’s waking up now. It would be rude to ask him before we’ve talked. “
Spoilsport. At least show him all the hamburger meat we have frozen.
“Why would he want to see our hamburger meat?”
THAT will show him how effective we are at gathering food! We can be an asset to his pack! If he doesn’t have a pack he should follow us around, and we can fatten him up! … he’s too skinny.
“He’s not skinny… he’s very muscular.”
What if there’s not enough prey in the winter? His muscles will go away. He should have a nice little layer of fat.
“Do not fatten him up! I like him like this.”
“Excuse me?” The man on her living room floor struggled to sit up. Leaning back against her TV stand, he blinked a few more times, obviously still fighting off the tranquilizer. Looking around, he just seemed more confused. “Where am I?”
“My home.” Alyssa told him, taking another sip of her tea.
“Ah.” He paused, awkwardly shifting his weight and raising his hands which were tied together with silver chains, like his ankles. “Why am I tied up?”
“…” She stared at him silently a few moments. “You’re a werewolf.”
“…Yes. So are you?”
“You said I was your mate.”
He blushed at that, avoiding eye contact. “Sorry. I know that was awkward. I was surprised. I’ve been looking for years since I reached adulthood.”
“You’re an alpha?”
“Yes.” Straightening his spine, he forced a cocky looking grin. “A strong alpha of a great pack.”
“So now you know why you’re tied up.”
“…pardon?”
Alyssa rolled her eyes. “I’ve done enough research to know when an alpha finds his mate, it tends to get physical… and non-consensual… real quick.”
He still seemed confused. “Research?”
She set down her tea and blanket and dragged over the enormous roller suitcase. Opening it, she displayed hundreds of paperback romance books. She pulled one out, showing off the cover, which showed a half-naked muscular man holding a woman tightly as she half-heartedly pushed him away.
The bound man looked at the picture. “The Reluctant Mate of an Alpha? What is this?”
“There are 983 books on werewolves in my possession.” She pulled out her notebook, quickly flipping to the “alpha” section. “88% of them feature an alpha werewolf as the male lead… and 92% of those characters force their mate to engage in physical intimacy… mostly hugging and kissing… within the first few minutes of meeting them.”
“You… you’re getting your information from romance books?” He looked horrified. “Where’s your pack?”
“No pack. Abandoned as a baby. I grew up in the foster system.”
A low angry growl sounded from his chest. “What pack abandons a child?!”
“The kind of pack that I’m probably better off being abandoned than raised by.” She tapped the book again. “Back to the fact that I’m apparently the mate to an alpha wolf.”
“Not apparently!” He looked distressed still. “You ARE! Can’t you sense it?”
She ignored him, putting the book back carefully. “You know that alpha wolves aren’t even a natural thing… only happens with wolves in captivity. Wolves in the wild tend to form family units. “
“…But we aren’t normal wolves? We wouldn’t have the exact same pack structure.”
“Exactly. Thus I can’t use my wolf encyclopedia to gain information.” She frowned. “That would have been preferable, honestly. I don’t really like the alphas in these stories.”
If you’re not going to mate with him… can we eat him?
“Stop asking to eat people. You know the answer.”
Lewis’s eyes grew wide. “Did you say ‘eat PEOPLE?”
“Don’t worry. There’s a strict ‘no eating people’ rule. It’s just a phase she’s gone through since I let her watch 80s horror werewolf flicks. She thinks its funny, but its not. “ She threw her hands up helplessly. “This is WHY we are on a horror movie ban!”
This is unfair!
“It’s perfectly fair! Even if you ignore the moral implications, you wouldn’t even like the taste of human flesh!”
What about hot sauce? Didn’t you say hot sauce makes every thing taste better?
“Yes… hot sauce does make everything taste better.”
“Wait… are you going to EAT me?” Lewis questioned with a panicked tone, scooting backwards closer to the door.
“No. I told you, there’s a firm ‘no eating people’ rule in place. We’re done discussing that.”
“But…”
“We’re discussing whether or not hot sauce would make your flesh taste better if we ate you… hypothetically.”
“Oh.” He thought it over. “I do like hot sauce. But I don’t think wolves do.”
“No. It would give them diarrhea, probably.” Alyssa nodded. “See. Even hot sauce wouldn’t help.”
Then if we aren’t going to eat him, can we please just MATE with him?
“No eating. No mating.”
“Wait, can we not put a strict no mating rule in place just yet? At least not a permanent one?” He paused. “Also, if I promise not to engage in any alpha behaviors like you see in your ‘research’, can I please be untied?”
“…” She studied him warily. “I suppose.”
“Great!” He held out his wrists, smiling with relief as she started to untie him.
“I have plenty of tranquilizer anyways.” She muttered.
“…pardon?”
The bonds slipped free. The man rubbed his wrists, careful to not make any sudden movements. Relieved by his apparent honesty in not trying anything, Alyssa headed back to her chair and wrapped herself back in her blanket.
Grabbing her tea, she took a sip of the lukewarm liquid and smiled. “So what brought the great alpha into my place of work today? Were you looking for me?”
________________________
Lewis was unsure how to answer his mate. Panicking, he said the first thing he thought of.
“Actually I was going to go buy milk.”
She raised an eyebrow. “In the bookstore?”
“Yes! I mean, no!” He covered in his face. “I was on my way to the supermarket, when my wolf… sensed you.”
She tilted her head, seeming more interested. “Your wolf? What’s he like?”
TELL HER I AM VERY STRONG!
“Umm… he’s strong…”
TELL HER I CAN MAKE HER FAT!!
No!
How else will she know I can provide food for her and our children?!
No. I’m not saying we’ll make her fat!
ITS IMPORTANT! TELL HER HOW FAT WE CAN MAKE HER!
“Are you okay?”
“WE’LL MAKE YOU REALLY FAT!” Lewis blurted out… and then stared at the ground in embarrassed horror.
“…” There was a long silence.
“My wolf says that’s very attractive.” She shook her head. “She wants you to know that we have several pounds of hamburger in our freezer and that we are happy to contribute food to you and your family.”
She’s smart and stores plenty of meat in her freezer! Please convince her to stay as our mate!
“So would you like to come visit our pack? He asked, wincing as she pulled what appeared to be a miniature Taser out of thin air. “Just visiting! No mating!” He relaxed as she hid the Taser away again “…Where were you even keeping that?”
“Secret pocket in the sleeve…. It’s not my only one, so don’t think I’ve given you any advantage.”
Lewis tried to think of something that would appeal to her. “I know you don’t have a pack… it would be a chance to get to know others like you… “
“… I would be able to refine my research…” She muttered, staring down at her notebook. “Plus my wolf really wants to…”
SHE’S GOING TO SAY YES!
Shush!
“Sure. Why not?” She shrugged, holding out her hand. “I guess we should officially meet if we’re going back to your pack together. I’m Alyssa.”
Alyssa! Her name is pretty!
“Nice to meet you Alyssa.” Lewis smiled brightly. “I’m Lewis.” He shook her hand, trying to stay calm at the shocking feeling of touching her. It was almost painful, as if every cell in his body were screaming at him that he’s met his soulmate. Overwhelmed, confused, he glanced over at his mate, only to see her calm expression.
Does she not feel this? Are we just delusional?
She’s our mate! Of course she feels it!
She’s not acting like it. Maybe we’re wrong? Lewis felt a stabbing pain in his chest at the thought. She was his mate. He had waited his whole life to meet her. He belonged to her.
What if she doesn’t want us?
… His wolf didn’t have an answer to that.
Maybe she can sense our weakness… our failure.
No… we’re not weak! We’re alpha of a strong pack!
That’s fallen apart because most of them felt I wasn’t the best one for the job.
We have to be strong. We can’t fail our pack or our mate. Don’t show weakness!
I’ll try.
Lewis forced a calm smile as he looked at Alyssa. “Should we head over and meet the pack?”
“Hmm… Aren’t you forgetting something?” She angled her head, studying him.
“What?”
“Didn’t you say you were on your way to pick up milk when you met me?”
“OH SHOOT!” He jumped to his feet. “I’m glad you said something! You saved my life!”
“By remembering milk?”
“You don’t realize how horrible my death would be at my mom’s hands if I had forgotten it.”
“…” She raised an eyebrow, a slight smile at the corner of her mouth. “You’re welcome, then.”
I like her smile! Let’s help make her smile more!
Agree.
Lewis ran to pick up some milk while she packed a bag for the trip. When he returned, he was shocked by the number of suitcases she had brought with her.
“Are all these clothes?”
“Don’t be silly.” She looked at him like he was an idiot. “It’s my research.”
He was almost afraid to ask, but felt he had to. “… They’re all filled with werewolf romance books… aren’t they?
“Not just books… “ Alyssa seemed a little defensive. “There’s some weapons. And a few changes of clothes.”
“If you’re staying a few days at least, do you need to take off work?”
She shook her head. “No need.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. “
“…Okay.” He didn’t want to pry. At least not yet. Maybe one day she’ll trust us enough to tell us more.
He packed her bags into the car, glad for his superhuman strength as he lifted the suitcases filled to the brim with books. Alyssa sat in the passenger seat, clutching a notebook and a small messenger bag, which also appeared to be filled with books. As they headed outside of town, an awkward silence fell between them.
Say something witty! His wolf finally lost patience with Something that will make her think we’re smart!
Open to any suggestions, Buddy. I’m having trouble thinking straight with our mate so close, much less think of something smart to say!
Aren’t you supposed to be the more intelligent half? I’m supposed to be the stronger one.
You’re the one always saying that wolves are super intelligent creatures and I should listen to you more!
Now we’re being silent for too long! What if she thinks we’re an idiot?!
You’re not helping…
“So how do werewolves mate?” Alyssa asked calmly, the question almost causing Lewis to swerve off the road in shock.
“…”
…
“Sorry, I don’t think I heard you. Could you repeat the question?”
“How do werewolves mate?”
… I think I preferred the awkward silence.
No! This is good! She’s showing an interest in mating!
“Umm… Not differently than humans… you learned about that in health class, right?” He desperately hoped he would not have to have a “birds and bees” talk with his mate right after meeting her.
“Oh.” She sounded slightly disappointed. “So we don’t mate in wolf form?”
I’m game.
SHUT UP.
“Typically no… I mean I guess it’s possible…” He felt himself turn bright red, feeling super uncomfortable. “But usually its in human form… at least from my understanding of what mated couples say.”
“Hmm..” She seemed to be listening to something. “No, I don’t think his wolf is impotent. I think it’s a cultural thing.”
HER WOLF THINKS I’M IMPOTENT, WE’RE SHIFTING NOW!
We are currently driving down a highway! We are not shifting any time soon! Besides, what on earth do you think you’re going to do in wolf form that’s going to convince her otherwise?
I’ll show her my genitals, to reassure her.
THAT DOES NOT REASSURE WOMEN! ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US TASED?!
“So I bet that means that werewolf pregnancy follows human rules then. “ She sighed, frowning while pulling out her notebook and writing a few things down. “There was only 3% of books that presented mating and pregnancy while in wolf form, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”
“… I see.”
“How long does pregnancy last? 19% of the books depict a shorter pregnancy cycle, but I wasn’t sure if it was just to get the plot to move faster.”
“Normal 9 months.”
“Number of children per pregnancy?”
“One… unless you have twins.”
She groaned, leaning back in her chair. “So no advantages at all? So disappointing.”
SHE’S DISAPOINTED! TELL HER TWINS RUN IN OUR FAMILY! WE’LL GIVE HER SO MANY CHILDREN!
“Twins run in our family!” Lewis nearly shouted.
“Really?” Alyssa studied him, looking slightly interested. “Do you have a twin?”
Great. I really had to bring HIM up.
“I do… but he left the pack.”
“Does that happen often?”
“No.”
“I see…” She made a few more notes. “Obviously the villain.”
“…” I mean, she’s not wrong. “Any other questions?” Please be something easy.
“Will mating with another werewolf change my menstrual cycle?”
“…”
…
Do you know?
Nope. Nothing in the instincts about this. Do you?
Nope.
He cleared his throat. “Sorry, I don’t know the answer to that question. One of the pack might be able to answer it. Maybe Bridget? She seems pretty knowledgeable.”
“Bridget? Your sister?”
“No… she’s just one of the warriors in the pack..”
“Hmm…” Alyssa thought that over. “Is she pretty?”
Lewis shrugged. “Seems pretty normal.”
“Do you two get along?”
“She follows orders, so I guess?”
“I see.” He could hear her pen scratching against paper again. “The female side character who will try to chase we away, maybe? How exciting.”
“…” Lewis decided he didn’t want to ask anything about it. For the sake of his sanity if nothing else.
They spent the rest of the car ride in silence.
________________________
Alyssa felt increasingly nervous the closer they got to pack territory.
I think we’re almost there. This area smells different.
“Different how?”
It smells like our mate! I like it!
“Hmm… Do you think he pees on trees to mark his territory?”
Isn’t that normal?
“It’s normal for wolves… do you think he does it in human form too?”
“I DON’T MARK TERRITORY AS A HUMAN!” Lewis spoke out frantically. “Can you stop talking about me like I’m not here?!”
She turned to him, curious by his reaction. “Don’t you talk to your wolf?”
“All the time, but I do it SILENTLY!” He paused. “Do you not know how to?”
“Oh I know how to, I just think it’s really rude to leave her out of the general conversation. She’s here too you know.”
“That makes sense… I guess…” He sighed, rubbing a hand through his hair. “Well, I assume you know since you were commenting on the scent markings, but yes, we’re in pack territory. “
Alyssa nodded, her heart rate increasing slightly. She didn’t like this. Going to unfamiliar places. Meeting new people. Especially people who may have a culture or rules that she didn’t understand. They might not like her.
How could they not love us? We’re a strong, beautiful female… at least when we’re in wolf form.
“Hey!”
We’ll be just fine.
“I hope so.” She took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves.
A warm hand hesitantly grasped her own. She felt an electric shock traveling up her fingers from the touch, but kept her face expressionless. “Are you okay?” Lewis’s voice was quiet, a comforting sound.
I like his voice. His touch his very warm!
“If you’re worried… I know that you might not believe me, but the pack is very friendly. You’ll feel very welcome.”
“In 42% of the books the pack is welcoming to a stranger… usually because she’s the alpha’s mate. In the rest they are either wary of the unknown person, or distrustful or unfriendly. “ She thought it over. “I guess it’s not bad odds.”
The car came to a stop. Lewis squeezed her hand one last time, and then stepped out, getting her suitcases from the trunk and back seat. Alyssa stared down at her now empty hand, feeling frustrated.
I trust him.
“You trust everyone. It’s my job to keep us safe.” She got out of the car, staring around at the area. There were several nice houses, all scattered far from each other. The place was quiet, peaceful, surrounded by woods. She liked it.
He won’t hurt us. He can’t. It would be like hurting himself.
“You’d be surprised how low people can sink if they want.”
No I wouldn’t. I lived through all the same experiences with you. But wolves do better with a family. We’ll do better with a pack.
“I haven’t agreed to that yet.”
We’ll see.
Lewis carried her many bags without seeming stressed by the weight. “I’ll bring these into the main house. Do you want to come along? Or you can wait here, I can show you around.”
She glanced around at the forest around her. “I’ll wait here.”
“Ok. I’ll be right back.” He looked slightly worried about separating from her, but after a brief hesitation, he walked away.
Alyssa strolled around the clearing by the car, feeling calmer as she took in the fresh air.
I like it here. We should live here.
“We’ll see.”
Also mate Lewis before another female gets him.
“I don’t think that’s how it works. In 82% of the books, being mates meant soul mates. Only small exceptions made for if mates rejected each other and such… for the drama, I suppose. “
Don’t take chances. Even with an impotent wolf we should claim him sooner rather than later. He has fatty steaks in his house. I can smell them.
“That’s what’s important to you? And I told you, I don’t think his wolf is impotent…”
“WHO ARE YOU?” A strident voice called out.
Alyssa turned to see a beautiful young woman walking towards her with a suspicious expression. She had shorter, curly blond hair and bright green eyes, towering over her in height. Alyssa sighed slightly as she realized she would probably be the shortest werewolf here by a good amount.
We’re short but feisty! Don’t underestimate us!
“I’m Alyssa.” She waved cheerfully. “Who are you?”
“…” The young woman seemed confused. “Bridget.”
The bitch side character! Maybe she’ll shout at us to “stay away from her man!”
“You don’t know that. Maybe she’s nice. She’s pretty.”
She is pretty… but it would be more fun if she were hysterical and tried to scare us off.
“…Who are you talking to?”
“My wolf.” Alyssa grinned at her. “She’s wondering if you are going to scream at us and tell us to stay away from Lewis.”
The woman seemed stunned. “Why would I do that?”
“All the books have it.” She pulled out her notebook and spread out the books from her messenger bag. Holding up one where a woman in a ripped dress stood next to a large wolf titled “The Alpha’s Runaway Love”, she pointed to a smaller, angry looking woman in the background of the cover. “See… in 79% of these stories there’s a strong female side character who is desperately in love with the alpha despite him being mated to the main character and tries to drive her away.”
“… Are those… romance novels….?”
“But I really hope you aren’t that character type. I think you seem like an awesome older sister type.” She stepped closer, which highlighted the height difference between them. “We’ve always wanted a cool, pretty older sister like you. “
“…” Bridget seemed genuinely overwhelmed. “Umm… first of all… I don’t want to scare you away from Lewis… I grew up with the guy. He wet the bed once when I slept over when we were five… ruined my favorite princess sheets…”
Alyssa started taking notes.
“I was just curious about who you were…” She rested a hand on Alyssa’s head, almost seemingly despite herself. “Are you Lewis’ mate?”
“Yep! He found me in a bookstore.” She paused. “Do you know if mating with a werewolf changes your menstrual cycle? I asked Lewis, but he seemed like he was having a seizure and said he didn’t know.”
“…” Bridgett’s face spasmed at that, she seemed to be holding back a laugh.
“Also… I brought hamburger meat… do you want some? “
“So…” Bridget’s voice trailed off.
“So?” Alyssa tilted her head, confused.
“SO CUTE!!!” Alyssa was pulled into an enormous bear hug, squeezed almost uncomfortably tight as Bridget continued to yell. “YOU’RE ADOPTED!”
“What are you doing with my mate?” Lewis’s strained voice made Alyssa want to look over, but she was still trapped in the hug.
“She’s my little sister now, Alpha.” Bridget’s voice was calm, but stern. “If anything happens to her, I will destroy you.”
Alyssa smiled at her as the tall woman set her down. “Really?”
“Really.” Bridget grinned back. “I’ve always wanted a sister too.”
“Awesome!”
As the two girls began chatting excitedly, Lewis cleared his throat. “Guys? I hate to break up the love here, but the pack is gathering to meet Alyssa.”
He walked over towards Alyssa, stopping in his tracks as Bridget grabbed her first and tugged her in the correct direction. “Come on, let’s hurry up! I can’t wait to introduce you to them!”
“She’s MY mate! I want to introduce her!”
“Too bad, so sad, bedwetter! If you weren’t so slow maybe you could have grabbed her first.” She laughed.
“Hey, you promised never to mention that again! What if you scare my mate away?!”
“Even better, she’ll just live with me and my family.”
As they moved, Alyssa tapped her arm, leaning close. “Is this really okay?”
“Is what okay?”
“I mean… he’s your alpha… is it okay to be like this with him?”
Bridget smiled. “Don’t worry. He’s a good alpha… a strong fighter, a capable leader… but he’s very kind. He prefers his pack feel comfortable enough to joke around with him. Says if they can trust him enough to make fun of him that it means they’ll trust him enough to have the uncomfortable conversations as well.”
He’s a good leader.
“Maybe…”
Let’s mate him!
Alyssa groaned at the expected response from her wolf, shaking her head slowly.
They arrived in a clearing in the woods, where twenty or thirty people had gathered. Everyone looked very different, with skin tones, eye and hair color varying widely from person to person. People of all ages chatted excitedly, watching their approach. They did have one thing in common though:
They were all tall.
We’re… tall… too.
“We’re short.” Feeling uncomfortable, she hid behind Bridget, who growled at the crowd.
“Don’t you guys make my sister uncomfortable! Sit down, you’re scaring her.”
The crowd looked very confused at that, but sat down on the grass anyways. Besides the three of them, only one man remained standing. He was enormous, a head taller than even Lewis, who Alyssa already considered very tall. He was broad as well as tall, his muscles nearly bursting out of the flannel shirt he was wearing. His face was covered in a bushy beard, his dark hair cropped close.
Overall Alyssa thought he looked very intimidating. She watched as he approached, a hand grasping her hidden Taser in her sleeve.
“This is my Beta Gary.” Lewis’s calm voice was reassuring, but she refused to relax her vigilance as the large man bent down to look her in the eye. “Gary, this is my mate, Alyssa.”
“Hey there, Alyssa.” The hair-covered face broke into a friendly smile. ��We’ve been hoping Lewis would find a nice mate for a while now. Glad you’re here. If anyone gives you trouble you let me know, I’ll knock a few heads in.”
Alyssa grinned back at him. “Nice to meet you, Gary. You’re really large.”
Ask him if we can sit on his shoulder! I want to be tall!
“It would be rude to ask to sit on his shoulder right after meeting him. We’ll ask him later.”
But…
Before her wolf could complain too much, Gary reached out and picked her up easily, placing her on one broad shoulder and steadying her with a single hand. “How’s this?”
Alyssa looked around. “This is GREAT!” She laughed.
Bow before us mortals! WE ARE TALL!
“My wolf is very happy right now. She was sad that we were so much shorter than everyone.”
HEY! You were sad too!
“Well you can ride on my shoulder anytime you want.” Gary laughed. “My mate Berta and I always wanted kids, but…” his voice trailed off slightly. “Well, anyways, feel free to come to us if you ever need help.”
“OR ME!” Bridget burst out. “I’ve already claimed her as my little sister!”
Lewis stared at the three of them, looking slightly tired. “Do I get any time with her as her mate?”
Gary and Bridget glanced at each other. “… We’ll see.”
Putting Alyssa down in front of the pack, Gary winked at her as if to reassure her before taking his place standing behind the Alpha. Lewis stepped forward, his manner becoming stronger, more confident as he addressed the crowd.
“Everyone, this is my mate Alyssa. She’s one of us, but she doesn’t have a pack. So I expect you all to make her feel safe and welcome.” He looked around, smiling as everyone nodded obediently.
“Welcome!”
“We’re glad you’re here!”
“Maybe Lewis will stop moping so much now!”
The cheerful voices of the pack made Alyssa feel calmer. She waved at them, speaking up. “Hey everyone! Like Lewis said, I’m Alyssa. I don’t know much about werewolves… I’ve only grown up around humans, but I’m excited to learn more.”
They seem nice.
Her wolf was happy about the packs’ reactions. No one seemed thrown off by her introduction. No one was glaring at her or even seeming suspicious of her.
It’s a good thing, right?
Before she could respond, Lewis spoke up, distracting her. “Let’s take you back to meet my mom.”
________________________
Lewis was relieved that the pack introduction went so well. Not that he was overly surprised; most of the more disagreeable pack members had left in the split with his brother. Who was left were either the ones too reasonable to be sucked into his rhetoric, or the very loyal ones to himself or his father.
Either way, I guess it’s a good thing.
He led his mate towards his house, breathing a small sigh of relief when Bridget and Gary didn’t insist on following. He liked them both a lot, but they could be a lot. Especially since they seemed to have instantly bonded with Alyssa.
Just admit it. We’re jealous. We want to bond with Alyssa too.
We don’t know what all she’s been through. She was abandoned by her pack as an infant. Her only knowledge of us doesn’t paint Alpha’s in a good light… or at least they don’t seem to. Lewis resolved to get his hands on some of those books and read through this. It might help us understand how she views us… and how to reassure her.
I like her. His wolf’s voice was filled with a patient care. Even if she doesn’t like us just yet, I hope she’s happy and feels safe here.
I do too. Lewis desperately wanted to reassure his mate. He could feel her anxiety through the bond. Even when she was smiling she didn’t feel safe. But he didn’t know how to help just yet.
They reached the house, and as they were about to enter, the door swung open and Lewis’s mother rushed out. Making a beeline for Alyssa, she hugged her tightly, grinning.
“I’M SO HAPPY YOU’RE HERE!”
Alyssa seemed shocked at the sudden appearance of his mother. Lewis tried to step in. “Mom, don’t scare her…”
“Finally someone normal sized!” Alyssa burst out, hugging his mother back.
“I know, right? They’re all way too tall!” Lewis’s mother stepped back, patting her head fondly. “I forgive them since they’re all such good people, but still, I’m happy to have someone I don’t have to strain my neck to look at.”
“Mom, this is Alyssa, my mate.”
“I figured as much dear. You’ve never paid so much attention and care to a single person before. “ She grabbed Alyssa’s hand. “Come in, I made food.”
Our mother understands! She’ll show our mate how much food we can provide!
Alyssa glanced at him. “My wolf wants to make sure that the hamburger meat we brought got put in the fridge.”
“I took care of it.” Lewis puffed out his chest, feeling accomplished.
His mother just shook her head. “Boys. Why don’t you take her bags up to the room next to mine while I get her something to pad her stomach?”
“Yes, Ma’am.” He grabbed the suitcases full of books, weapons and clothes and rushed up the stairs. Her room was on the opposite end of the house from him, right next to his mother’s rooms.
Why is she staying so far away from us? His wolf whined in his head. What if something happens? How will we protect her?
She already doesn’t trust us. Hopefully the living arrangements will make her less nervous. If she doesn’t like it, she might go stay with Bridget instead. Do you want that?
No. Stupid Bridgett. She brought up the bedwetting incident. Our childhood shame bared in front of our mate! What if she doesn’t like us now?
We were young. I can’t imagine she would hold it against us… although yes, it is very embarrassing.
As he neared the kitchen once more, he overheard Alyssa and his mother talking. About to announce his arrival, his mouth slammed shut as he heard his mate’s question.
“So Lewis’ brother is a villain, right?”
“…” His mother sighed. “How much has he told you?”
“Just that he has a twin, and he’s not with the pack.”
“Well, I guess you haven’t known each other long… you’ll hear it anyways, might as well be from me, since he’s my son.” She sat down at the counter, rubbing her forehead tiredly.
“I had three children, actually. Twins boys and a younger girl. My husband was the Alpha of the Western pack, and although it’s not set in stone, usually one of the children of the Alpha will inherit the position.”
Lewis could hear Alyssa’s pen moving as she frantically took notes. He silently laughed, even as his chest hurt at the sound of his mother’s disappointed tone, leaning against the wall to hear how she would describe their situation.
“Now, I’m not a werewolf, you know. I’m a human who happened to be mates with a werewolf. So maybe I didn’t instill the idea of pack values as strongly as I could have.” She sighed. “Lewis seemed to get it naturally. He got hurt when he was ten… the first time he transformed, just to protect an elderly pack member who was being attacked. He’s got a large scar on his left elbow from a hunter’s arrow. Werewolves heal well… but the scars remain.”
My other son… Benjamin… he wasn’t nearly as concerned about the pack’s well being. Just obsessed with being strong. Being in charge. My daughter Emily seemed to feel very similar.”
“Seems pretty Alpha-like… at least how the books describe them.”
“But that’s the thing. Alphas SHOULD be strong. My mate was very strong, in fact. But their strength exists to protect and feed the pack. Strength and power for its own sake has no purpose… and often leads down a dangerous pack.”
“…”
“My mate died.” His mother whispered, the pain in her voice breaking Lewis’s heart. “Lung cancer. Even werewolves can die from disease. They heal… but not fast enough for more aggressive wounds or diseases. They’re not immortal.”
“I’m sorry.” Alyssa seemed genuinely concerned. “How did you survive losing your mate?”
“It helps that I’m human.” Her voice was still quiet. “The pain is still there…it’s like a piece of your soul missing. But I had family, pack … people who needed me to keep waking up each morning. And I’m glad I have.”
“So what happened next?”
“My mate’s will left the pack to Lewis.” His mother shrugged, turning back to stir the contents of a pot on the stove. “It was an obvious choice to us. He is strong, careful… puts the pack first.”
“But Benjamin didn’t agree?”
“He rebelled. Said Lewis was weak. Tried to fight him, but was pushed back by the loyal members of the pack. In the end he took almost half the pack with him to start a new one… including my daughter who also thought Lewis was too weak to lead.”
“…” Alyssa was silent. Lewis leaned against the wall, desperately trying to sense his mate’s emotions. Was she disappointed in him? Did she think he was a failure.
“He goes by Nightfang now… his group is our pack’s greatest threat.”
“…” Suddenly in the silent kitchen, Alyssa chuckled. “Seriously? Nightfang? Did he think that was a cool name?”
Lewis’s mother laughed too. “I know, right. I mean, it’s a serious situation and all, but seriously… he sounds like a villain in a Saturday morning cartoon.” She looked over, and chuckled again. “Alright, Lewis. Stop hiding around the corner and come join the conversation.”
Shamefully, Lewis ducked his head and entered the kitchen. He noticed Alyssa didn’t seem surprised by his presence.
She probably can sense when we’re nearby. It means our bond is slightly stronger!
It also means she knows we were eavesdropping like a creep!
Well we were… not like it’s much better if she doesn’t know.
“So…” He spoke up, trying to appear less awkward. “Can I help with dinner at all, Mom?”
She smiled, reaching up high to pat his head as well. “I’m pretty much done. How about after we eat you show her around the territory?”
Alyssa seemed a little more relaxed, to Lewis’s relief. “I’d like that.”
WE GET TO SPEND TIME WITH HER! THIS IS GREAT!
Play it cool! She already knows that half the pack left because we’re too weak to convince them we’re a good Alpha. If we look like an idiot too…
OH SHUT UP! His wolf snapped at it. Don’t pretend you’re not super excited. We’re the same person!
…Stupid wolf.
Silly human.
... Lewis was excited. So excited he could hardly breathe. His mate was right here, in front of him. She was smart, beautiful, friendly… at least to everyone else… more than he could have ever dared to dream of.
I just want her to like us… any ideas?
I still vote for bringing her food or showing her our genitals. .
… Never mind… I’ll think of something.
________________________
A few weeks passed.
Alyssa sat on the cool grass, watching Lewis in wolf form teaching some of the younger pack members how to fight.
“Watch out for each other.” His voice resounded her mind. “You can’t be so focused on the enemy that you lose track of what’s behind you.”
Having never spent any time prior to this visit around other werewolves, she was interested to find that although she did understand some of wolf language – a combination of scents, sounds and body language – the majority of the time werewolves simply spoke through mental communication.
Lewis batted one of the young wolves aside, snapping at another’s flank and using his weight to push a third to the ground, baring his teeth. The fallen wolf whimpered slightly, more with frustration than pain.
“Alpha, I thought we had to focus all of our attention on the attack, and not stop until the enemy was dead?” The youngest of the three, a male wolf named Teddy, finally spoke up, his tail between his legs. “How are we supposed to do that AND watch our backs?”
“Who told you that?” Lewis seemed shocked. “You are nothing without your pack! Only by working together and looking out for each other will you be at your strongest.”
“It was Uncle Ben…mmph” Teddy’s voice was muffled as the other two wolves tackled him.
“Sorry Alpha, he’s a little dumb.” Teddy’s sister Lara apologized, grinding her brother’s muzzle into the dirt with a paw. “Of course we aren’t going to follow what the traitor Nightfang taught us.”
“But LARA…”
“SHUT UP and let me get us out of this, idiot!”
Lewis stared at them for a few minutes, and then laughed silently in our heads. “It’s okay. I know he was in charge of teaching fighting for years. It’s a different strategy, but give my idea a shot before you dismiss it, okay?”
“YES ALPHA!” The three younger wolves shouted in unison.
“…” Alyssa studied Lewis with a thoughtful expression. He was kind enough to the pups, even when they challenged him and brought up his brother’s name. He didn’t lash out, just calmly guiding them forward. If she didn’t know better, she would think the mention of his brother didn’t bother him at all.
But she could feel it.
Behind his kind words, there was a deep agony. Fear, hurt, betrayal. He resented that his brother left the pack, that he split the pack with his leaving. He regretted that he had let his brother teach the pups… that he taught the pups to be killers rather than to defend and protect the pack. Feared being compared to his brother at every turn.
But mostly… he blamed himself. Hated that he wasn’t a strong enough Alpha to force the pack to stay together. He wished desperately that he could be a better leader… more like his father.
Alyssa rubbed her chest idly, feeling a pain in her heart that wasn’t physical but still wishing to ease it. She could sense his self-doubt, his feelings of helplessness, but was unsure what to do with the knowledge.
Over the last few weeks, they had spent a lot of time together. She had come to recognize that he was as kind as he first seemed, very different than what her book research had led her to expect. He was strong… she could see that in every move her made, especially in his wolf form… but he didn’t seem to place his importance on that strength.
His mother had described him well. He was strong, careful… and he put his pack first.
The closer they got, the more she learned about him, the more she could feel through their bond. His emotions, his mental state. She couldn’t hear his thoughts, not unless he was mentally communicating in wolf form. The information she was getting, however, was almost more than she could bear.
It made her terrified to guess what he could sense about her.
That’s how bonding goes. He is our soul mate. We can’t hide from him.
“…” Alyssa ignored her wolf, mad that she was telling the truth.
“Are you okay?” Alyssa looked up at Lewis’s mental question, startled to see his wolf’s face right in front of her own. “Did something upset you?”
“… What would you do if something did?”
“Help you. No matter what.” His mental voice was firm… reassuring.
“What if it was you that upset me?” Alyssa was curious how he would answer that.
“… If I did something, please let me know… I don’t want to hurt you, even by accident.” He paused. “If you don’t feel comfortable telling me… then my mom or Bridget would be happy to listen. And of course beat me up for whatever I did…”
SORRY WE UPSET YOU MATE! WOULD YOU LIKE MEAT?! Startled, Alyssa realized she could hear Lewis’s wolf directly. He sounded a lot like Lewis, but slightly more… straightforward.
TELL HIM WE LIKE MEAT! Alyssa’s wolf shouted with frustration. OR SHIFT SO I CAN TELL HIM MYSELF!
“How can I hear your wolf? I thought that could only happen after mating?”
Lewis shook his head, the motion strange appearing when performed by a wolf. “I’m not sure… I’ve never been mated before… but I think as our bond deepens we’ll hear more. I can’t hear your wolf now… if she’s speaking…”
I AM SPEAKING! TELL HIM I WANT THE STEAK HE HAS IN THE FREEZER!
“…But if you were in wolf form I might. Their control is a little stronger in that form. One day we might be able to hear each other’s wolves even when in human form.”
“…”
We like you, Mate! We think you are smart and pretty and smell nice! We spend a lot of time arguing over what would make you like us! Lewis’s wolf chimed in.
“Shush…” Lewis tried to interrupt, but the wolf kept talking.
I wanted to bring you meat and expose our genitals to reassure you of our virility, but he insisted that would make you mad.
His wolf is smart. Alyssa’s wolf approved. That would have made me happy.
“…Your wolf and my wolf are on the same page. I have no desire to see genitals, though.”
“No worries, there’s a firm ‘no flashing’ rule in place. “
Her stomach rumbled. “Wouldn’t say no to a steak though!”
Hooray! We’ll bring you the tastiest of the steaks!
See, he loves us enough to bring us the best steak! We should mate him now!
Lewis ran behind a tree and shifted, quickly changing into loose fitting shorts and t-shirt. Alyssa had learned the hard way that the pack had very little sense of modesty.
After numbing her brain to the sight of naked people who had transformed back from wolf form multiple times, she had come to somewhat accept it as normal.
She was still glad that Lewis tried to not be naked in front of her. Although she was now realizing that this might have more to do with avoiding his wolf’s desire to show off genitals then anything else.
“Let’s go.” He smiled, the expression causing her heart to skip a quick beat, and held out his hand. After a short hesitation, she took it, feeling as always the thrill that came from touching him.
They walked together in silence.
As they neared the house, Lewis spoke up. “You know everyone likes you here.”
Alyssa tensed up. “But…?”
“No buts. They just like you.” He let out a quiet sigh. “You don’t have to try this hard.”
“…”
“You look relaxed when you’re talking with the pack. You’re smiling and joking around… you’ve even got half of them addicted to those werewolf romance novels… I mean your research…” He chuckled, squeezing her hand with his own. “But I can feel it, Lyss. I can feel how stressed out you are… how hard you’re trying to make them like you.”
“I…” Alyssa started to talk but then fell silent.
I told you he knows us.
“I’m not judging.” He smiled bitterly. “I wish I had met you much earlier. I don’t know what your life has been like leading up to now. I just want you to know that people like you for the weird, lovely person you are. You can try to relax a little.”
Alyssa thought his words over. “Growing up… being liked… it was safer. Especially if you were the weird kid who had a wolf voice in her head. I learned early how to read people, and act the way they wanted. I’ve grown out of it some… it does get very tiring. But I don’t know if I could completely stop, even if I wanted to.”
“That’s okay.” He grinned. “Just know that I care about you... honestly maybe more than that, although it’s just been a few weeks. You never have to try to get on my good side.”
“I don’t think we ever tried to do that.”
We tried to scare him off. And instead he treated us better than anyone else.
He grinned. “Good. Then I guess I got to see a closer side to you than most… even if it was not meant as a compliment.”
Alyssa felt scared by this. His care. His acceptance of her. Even worse by the fact she could feel through the bond that it was completely genuine.
“Don’t let it worry you too much. Let’s just take it a day at a time for now.”
She sighed with relief at his words. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” He thought it over for a moment. “Wait? What about your job at the bookstore? You’ve been here two weeks without notice? Do you still have a job?”
“You don’t need to worry about it.”
You’ll have to tell him eventually.
“If you say so.” His expression and mental state were a little sad, but she ignored it.
She would take it one step at a time, just like Lewis suggested.
________________________
Lewis was going a little crazy.
It had been a month. He spent every day at his mate’s side. Every day talking with Alyssa, laughing with her, getting to know her more and more. As they grew closer, he couldn’t help but wish for more.
They had just returned from a run through the forest in their wolf forms. He loved spending time with her wolf as well. She was much smaller than him, with silver fur and grey eyes that saw right through him. Her wolf self was much more open and playful, often pulling him to play or run through the forest. His wolf was enamored with her, yelling out offers to feed her or provide her with pups… or both. Her wolf was in hearty agreement, only to be silenced by Alyssa, who still seemed somewhat uncomfortable about the whole situation.
Lewis was happy. He hoped she would continue to stay with the pack… stay with him. He just wasn’t sure how long that would last. Fortunately she seemed completely unconcerned about how much time she took off the bookstore.
He shifted back behind a tree, changing into his clothes stuffed nearby and staring down at the ground until he heard she was done doing the same. Stepping out of his hiding spot he grinned and offered his hand.
“Should we get something to eat?”
Alyssa took his hand without hesitation. “Sure. What should we make?” Lewis felt his heartbeat speed up at her casual use of “we”.
STEAK!
STEAK PLEASE!
Their wolves chimed in, making them both shake their heads.
“How about pasta?” He asked. Feeling the wolves’ disappointment he added “We can have meat in the sauce.
YES!
Our mate is the best!
Lewis couldn’t help but chuckle at that. Her wolf likes me at least.
“ALPHA!” Gary’s panicked voice caused him to turn, seeing the large man running towards them fully naked.
Seeing Alyssa look towards the ground, Lewis couldn’t help but growl with annoyance. “Can’t you put pants on?”
“No time.” He skidded to a halt, trying to catch his breath. “It’s your brother…”
His heart stopped.
Benjamin. Nightfang. His brother. His enemy.
“What has he done?”
Gary’s face was grim. “He’s invaded. The South Segment.”
Lewis pulled off his clothes, shifting to his wolf form.
“Are there any of our pack patrolling in the area?”
“I let Teddy and Lara take that segment… it was supposed to be our safest area…” Gary rubbed his face looking horrified. “I thought it would be okay.”
“Stay here. Protect the pack. I’ll get the young wolves.”
His silent voice projected across the entire territory.
“Everyone. We are under attack. Go to your designated areas. The Nightfang pack has definitely invaded the South Segment, but it could be a distraction. DO NOT LET DOWN YOUR GUARD! Watch each others’ backs. I’m going after Teddy and Lara who were last seen in the attacked area. Listen to the Beta while I’m gone."
He hesitated mentally, continuing to run as fast as possible to the south segment, and then reached out privately to Alyssa.
“Please keep yourself safe. If you want to fight I won’t stop you, stay near Gary. If you want to stay out of the fight, go hide in the house with my mom. The pack is instructed to guard it. “
“I… “ He trailed off, unsure of how to finish the sentence.
TELL OUR MATE YOU LOVE HER!
He wanted to. He wanted to express the thoughts, the emotions that had slowly sprouted within him in the time they had spent together. To say everything he had wanted to say when he was by her side.
But he couldn’t.
We’re not strong. We can barely protect our pack. She won’t want us. She doesn’t trust us yet.
He reached out for what he hoped wouldn’t be the last time to his beloved mate.
“Stay safe.”
With that, he continued towards the south sector.
Calling out for Teddy and Lara as he neared the attacked area, Lewis wasn’t getting any answers. He tried not to think too hard about what that could mean.
They might just be unconscious… they might not be… His wolf trailed off, hesitating.
I don’t know what Ben… what Nightfang is capable of. He might kill them. But if there is a chance they are still alive… we have to try.
He slowed down, his paws silently stepping on the soft earth. He stayed on high alert, listening for any possible signs of the intruders.
Don’t let your guard down. Someone is close. His wolf could feel the intrusion on the Packs’ territory, it bothered him.
There, in the clearing! Lewis spotted two small wolf forms laying still on the ground. Praying they were just knocked out, he crouched down and inched closer.
They were breathing.
He let out a silent sigh of relief. Scouting around, there were at least two from the NightFang pack in the clearing with the pups.
Only two.
Where’s the rest of that bastard’s pack?! Where’s Ben? His wolf snarled within him.
It’s a distraction.He had known there was a possibility. But he couldn’t leave the two young wolves for dead. He couldn’t.
And Nightfang knew that.
Let’s save them quickly and head straight back. Hopefully Gary will keep things together until we return.
I miss our mate. I hope she’s okay.
… Me too.
Lewis attacked from the shadows. Normally he would owe them a noise, some sort of warning of his approach. He should give them the chance to surrender. To run away.
He didn’t warn them. They had invaded his pack’s territory. Kidnapped and attacked their young wolves. They knew the consequences.
One wolf screamed in pain and fear as his hamstring was shredded between Lewis’ teeth. He shifted in his confusion and shock, the bloody mess even worse in human form. Lewis had already turned to the next one.
He snapped at the enemy’s flank, and as the wolf dodged to avoid his teeth, used his much heavier muscle mass to push him to the ground. He grabbed his throat, resting his canines against the carotid pulse. The wolf grew still, not wanting to push him into ending his life.
“SPEAK! What is that traitor’s plan?”
The wolf whined at his mental command, but stayed silent. Lewis began closing his jaw. We don’t have time for this. The pack is in danger. Our mate is in danger.
“He’s attacking from the West!” Sensing death close by, the wolf began to mindspeak. “He wants to wipe out your pack while you’re distracted.”
Lewis opened his jaw slightly, considering his options. If I let him go he could warn the others.
Kill him.
He surrendered.
The pack must be protected.
Let me knock him out.
“Weakling.” A snarl came behind him, and he realized it was the man whose hamstring he had torn out. Swinging a metal bar at his head. At the same time, the wolf he had pinned bucked with teeth bared, trying to throw him off and attack.
Lewis dodged, clamping down his teeth as he moved, tearing the carotid and jugular with the sharp points of his teeth. He let go, tasting blood, knowing that the wolf beneath him was dead.
One left.
Before the attacker could say anything, Lewis jumped, fangs bared, and tore his throat out as well.
We did it.
He nudged Lara, the older of the two wolves, relieved when she woke up right away.
“Grab your brother and go to the main house.” His tone didn’t allow room for argument. She nodded silently, shaking awake her brother, and the two ran into the forest.
Lewis couldn’t help but chastise himself as he watched them move away. I hesitated.
You’re our kind half. I am the viciousness we hold, the killer instinct.
I’m weak.
We have to have both, or we’ll either be a tyrant killer or a ineffective Alpha. Now stop having a personal crisis and go SAVE OUR MATE.
Lewis nodded grimly, padding off into the forest towards where he could sense the pack.
It’s time to end this.
He ran into more enemy wolves as he neared the center of his territory. This time he sighed, giving up control to his wolf. His wolf seemed relieved at taking over, fighting both enemies to severe injury or death before moving forward.
Mate. He picked up the pace.
________________________
Alyssa had never been in a fight before. At least not with other wolves.
Don’t worry, I got this. Her wolf took over and leapt at the nearest attacker. Gary and Bridget were to either side of her, their much larger wolves defending her flank.
“There’s a lot of them, but I think we’ve got control.” Gary communicated calmly, his frantic attacks never slowing.
“They seem disorganized. “ Bridgett’s silent voice conveyed her disapproval. “Did they come here just to die?”
As her wolf continued to fight, leaping nimbly in between the snarling wolves, Alyssa studied her surroundings.
This is too easy. They’re injured… starving… what have they been doing in their territory?
Her wolf had no sympathy. Bad alphas make bad packs.
She looked around in the chaos. Everywhere she looked wolves were snapping at each other. Blood stained the cold ground, trampled into the dirt churning it into mud. Howls and whines of pain filled the air.
“I don’t see him.” She communicated to the other pack members.
“Who”? Gary trampled his enemy into the mud, his jaw locking on the throat of the other wolf. “Lewis?”
“No. Benjamin. I don’t sense an alpha in this group. Shouldn’t he be larger or stronger than the rest? Where is he?”
“Maybe the Southern Sector? An alpha fight?”
“No.” Alyssa’s mind was racing. “He doesn’t seem like the type to respect Lewis enough to fight him head on. 64% of the stories show the villain attempting some sort of sneak attack. The South Sector was a distraction… and so is this. They sent their weaker, injured members to fight us.”
That means….
She took off for the main house.
Alyssa! Bridgett called out. Where are you going?
To where the real fight is.
She crashed into the house, skidding to a halt at the sight of Lewis and his mother.
No… it’s not Lewis.Their faces were very similar, but everything else was wrong: his scent, his expression, his posture.
He smells dangerous… aggressive… Her wolf complained. He’s everything our mate isn’t.
I don’t like him.
Me either… he’s scary.
We should be careful.
She kept a defensive posture, her hackles raised, her teeth bared.
Benjamin looked down at her with a mocking smile. “Ah. The princess is here.”
His mother glared at him, holding a gun in her hand. To Alyssa’s shock there were already two large wolf bodies on the floor, cooling blood spilling from multiple bullet wounds. “Don’t you look at her, Ben! You came here for me.”
“It’s Nightfang now, Mother.” Ben laughed. “And you can’t tell me what to do. Not anymore. You lost that right when you betrayed me to side with my weak brother.”
Alyssa advanced closer.
“Oh don’t give her that crap, Benjamin. You might pretend to be mysterious and evil but you’re just pathetic. You aren’t Nightfang, or Eveningclaw or even Morning-freaking-wood. You are Ben. A bitter little boy who is mad at his mommy and daddy for giving the pack to your brother.” She kept her gaze on his, and his green eyes had trouble continuing to look into her own. “Never understanding why they made the choice, even though it’s obvious to anyone else.”
“Oh really?”
“I’ve only known you for a single minute and I wouldn’t trust you to be in charge of a self-cleaning litter box, much less actual people’s lives. “
“Well, well, Princess. That’s just needlessly cruel. Trying to rile me up? Distract me?” He shook his head sadly. “That only works in stories. It’s true that I’m very disappointed in my parents’ choice. They thought I was too violent to lead. That I didn’t care enough about the pack. But I did. I’m the only one who does.”
“Sure.” She circled around, spotting one of her bags close to the wall.
“Be careful, Alyssa.” Lewis’s Mom called out, still pointing her gun at her own son. “He’s dangerous.”
“You used up all your shots in the initial attack, Mom. Don’t embarrass yourself by pretending it’s still a threat.” Benjamin reached out and took the gun from her. “I forgive you for killing my men. But you should some respect when addressing her.”
“What are you…?” She looked over at Alyssa, who stayed silent.
“You didn’t tell them? ...Interesting.” He rubbed his face, a mocking grin starting to form. “Maybe you don’t even know?”
“Shut up. “ Alyssa leapt forward, reaching for his throat. Throwing himself backwards, Benjamin shifted as he moved. At the change she miscalculated, slamming into the much larger wolf, her teeth closing on only the fur around his neck.
“You want to fight? I’ll fight.” His wolf charged, snapping at her flank while she twisted desperately to avoid him. He was larger, stronger… but she was definitely more agile.
This isn’t a winning strategy. We can’t face him head on. Her wolf was directing the movements, keeping them alive from moment to moment as Benjamin pressed the attack.
I know that… Circle around towards the back of the room. I have an idea.
They growled, running in and taking a small chunk out of his foreleg before darting in the direction Alyssa had spotted earlier. Benjamin howled in pain, slamming her with his weight, throwing her smaller form enough to slam her against the wall. At the impact she shifted, turning into her more vulnerable form.
I don’t like this. We’re easier to kill this way.
“Not excited about being naked either, but it’s necessary.” She muttered, her hands working quickly.
“He should have protected you better than this.” Benjamin laughed silently in her head. “He didn’t even realize what a treasure he had.”
SLAM!
A grey form jumped through the air, landing on Benjamin and knocking him to the ground. As they straightened up Alyssa recognized her mate with a sense of terror and relief. Relief that he was here. Terror that he was now in danger.
The two alpha wolves circled each other.
“You should have just found your own territory.” Lewis silent voice was grim, full of his authority as Alpha. “Even with your treachery, I was willing to let you go.”
“That’s because you’re weak. This is MY territory. MY pack. You are the one who has to die. And as for your lovely mate who you know so little about… how about I take her too?”
He sighed at his brother’s words. “You’re forcing me to kill you.”
“Lewis, push him my way!” Alyssa called out silently through their connection.
“That’ll put you in danger!”
“Trust me!”
Lewis ducked his head, the almost submissive posture throwing his brother into confusion. As Benjamin hesitated, Lewis charged forward, aiming not for his throat or other vulnerable points, but at his feet. Throwing all his weight behind it, Lewis tripped him up, pushing him back- straight towards Alyssa.
“Here you go! Be careful!”
“Thanks!”
“You just put your mate in harm’s way! She’s defenseless!” He snarled, turning his attention to Alyssa’s vulnerable state. “Fool!”
BZZZT
His form seized for a brief moment and collapsed to the ground,
“Nope!” Alyssa grinned and held up her Taser. “He just trusts his mate!”
“…”
“…”
There was a brief stunned silence.
“I’m so glad you’re okay!” Lewis’ mother leaned against the counter, looking relieved.
“Just one more thing.” Alyssa held up a finger. Reaching down, she grabbed her overly loaded suitcase filled with her research books.
BAM! And raised it over her head, slamming it down on top of Benjamin.
“Oof.” Both Lewis and his mother winced, but made no move to stop her.
“That’s for attacking me. Not to mention what you’ve done to Lewis!” She then reached down and pulled an ampule out of one of the pockets, stabbing Benjamin in the arm with it.
“What is that?”
“Tranquilizer.” She answered, making sure the drug injected okay.
“It’s very effective.” Lewis laughed silently in their heads, and then slowly shifting back to his human form. His green eyes met her own, and neither looked away for a long a moment.
“Are you okay?”
“Are you alright?”
They asked at the same time. Alyssa smelled his blood and panicking, ran over to look at him closely. “Where are you hurt?”
She grabbed his arm, finding a small cut there, and continued to look at his limbs.
Lewis froze. “Umm… Could we do this with clothing on?”
“…” Alyssa stepped back, rubbing her forehead as she realized that they were both naked and she had been feeling him over. “…Sure.”
“…Well” Lewis’s mother broke the silence with an awkward cough. “I’m going to go see to the pack. You two… talk.” She gave them a thumbs up and slipped out.
THIS IS A PERFECT CHANCE TO DISPLAY YOUR GENITALS! WHY DID YOU RUIN IT!Lewis’ wolf spoke up, frustrated.
“That’s not even a wolf mating ritual.” Lewis hissed. “Will you leave it alone?!”
Don’t worry! Her wolf chimed in. We don’t think you’re impotent anymore!
“See…”
So we should just get straight to the mating!
AGREE!
Lewis and Alyssa sighed slightly at their wolves’ excitement, and looked down at Benjamin, still unconscious on the floor.
“What do we do to him?” She asked, feeling tired.
“Do you still have some of those chains?” Taking the object she handed to him, Lewis bound the now human form of his brother, sneaking in a single kick in the process. “We’ll send him to the Council. He’s broken every law that I know of.”
“… You know in all the stories where he’s not killed the villain escapes and causes trouble again.”
Lewis sighed at that. “I know it would be safer to kill him. But… I…” He trailed off, looking conflicted.
“It’s okay.” She patted his arm, avoiding the injury she found before. “If you were able to kill him so easily you wouldn’t be you.”
“I worry sometimes that I’m too weak to be an Alpha.”
“I know. And I’m sure there’s probably some perfect balance of strength and mercy… but you don’t have to have everything figured out right away.”
“…thanks.”
She shrugged. “Besides, isn’t your sister still out there? Maybe the council can use Benjamin to figure out where she is.”
After handing Benjamin off to Gary and Bridgett to guard (And having them both fuss over Alyssa to make sure she was okay) the two went back to their rooms to change. Alyssa stared at the wall of her temporary bedroom, feeling conflicted.
He’s our mate. He’ll understand.
“I know. And that’s what scares me.”
Finishing her brief hesitation, she walked over to Lewis’ room, knocking on the door.
“Come in.”
“We need to talk.”
________________________
Lewis was extremely nervous as he waved his mate to sit down on the bed. He took the chair on the other side of the room.
What if she doesn’t want to stay?
She’s our mate! His wolf answered his nervous thoughts. She won’t abandon us!
“I don’t know what you told him, but your wolf is right.” Alyssa spoke up. “We won’t abandon you. Not over something silly like your evil twin brother trying to invade and kill us all.”
Lewis let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “That’s a relief.” He leaned back in his chair. “So what do you want to talk to me about?”
She stared at the ground a few moments before painfully continuing. “So I told you I grew up in the foster system, right?”
“Right.”
“So the part I didn’t tell you… is that a few years back, around the time I turned 18… a weird guy came and found me.”
Lewis growled. “Did he try to hurt you?”
“No. Quite the opposite. He said he was a friend of my family. He wasn’t one of us… definitely human.” She ran her fingers through her hair, obviously unhappy. “He wouldn’t tell me who they were, or why they abandoned me. He just said they had no choice.”
“That’s crap. I don’t know their situation but their only option was to abandon a baby?” HE shook his head. “Something’s off.”
“I thought so too. I told him to get lost.” She hesitated. “And he gave me a million dollars.”
“What…?
“He said it was a small gift from my parents. I don’t know who my family is, or what they were involved in, but it’s probably big… and definitely not good.”
Lewis processed this for a few moments. “So your job at the bookstore?”
“I actually own it. But I have a manager run it. I stop by occasionally and shelve books while I look for new research.”
“So…” He grinned. “Does this mean you can stay longer and not worry about losing your job?”
“…”
“… Is that what you’re thinking about?” Alyssa demanded, her hands twisting in the fabric of her t-shirt. “You’re not worried about unknown schemes, powerful families… who knows what nonsense could happen! I swear, haven’t you ever read one of these novels?!”
Lewis picked up the book on the table nearby. “I started reading through a few at your suggestion.
“The Seductive Alpha’s bride?” She raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
“It’s research! I’m trying to learn how to be a better mate!”
He’s hoping to learn how to make himself more attractive! His wolf added.
We already think you’re both attractive!
Great! Let’s mate then!
Agree!
“Not yet!” Alyssa stepped in as their wolves got carried away once more. “Although she’s right… we do think you’re attractive…”
“Really?”
“But how about we go slow… like a date, first?”
“A date!” Lewis jumped up, his mind racing. “Yes! Let me grab my car…”
“We were just attacked… remember?”
He stopped at her gentle reminder. “Oh. Right. How about after we get things sorted out?”
She smiled, the expression causing his heart to race.
“I’d like that.”
They fell into a comfortable silence.
“So how accurate has your research been so far?” He asked after a while, curious.
“The books?” She thought it over. “You know, considering the Alphas and the relationships I’ve read about?” She looked him over again. “I’d say I was a little surprised.”
“In a good way?” His tone was hopeful, he couldn’t help it.
“Yes. As for the future though?” She leaned in and kissed his cheek. “The majority of these stories have a happy ending. But we’ll just have to see.”
Lewis touched the spot that had been kissed, smiling. “A happy ending, huh? I’d like that.”
#writing#werewolf story#werewolves#alphas#mates#couple#i do know that the alpha structure isn't really natural to wolves in the wild#but it's the convention of the story type#I tried to write within the tropes of a werewolf romance but with my own types of characters#it was a fun experiment#I'll answer Asks later
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Mother doesn’t know best (one-shot)
Regulus Black AU
Summary: Walburga upsets Regulus. You will always be there to pick up the pieces.
Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader
Rating: M- smut
______
You could tell from the moment that Regulus walked through the door that he was in a hell of a mood. It didn’t take the two of you to be together for so long to know when he was in a horrible mood. You couldn’t help but be curious about exactly what Walburga did to piss your lover off so badly.
Regulus took his coat off and let it drop to the floor. Normally he would have neatly put the garment back in the closet. Regulus hated wrinkles and would have a fit if his coat had the slightest wrinkle on it. You would spend hours listening to him bitch about how annoying and sloppy wrinkles were.
You didn’t say anything as he sat down on the sofa and stared at the TV with a glare on his face. That look...you knew that look very well. Any time that Regulus was the least bit displeased THAT was the look that you saw on him.
Giving Regulus a few moments to cool off, you hung up his coat before turning around. Regulus’ grey eyes were still locked on the television. You crawled behind Regulus and wrapped your arms around him from behind. Normally you cuddling Regulus was enough to calm him down from whatever stupidity that his parents had caused.
Touching was your method of providing him comfort. It had been from the moment that the two of you had become a couple. While you came from a family that wasn’t the least bit hesitant to show each other love and affection, Regulus didn’t. The poor boy was touch starved from the moment that he was born. At first, Regulus was hesitant about returning a hug or letting you snuggle him. It only took a month for Regulus to enjoy the cuddles enough to be wrapping himself around you at any spare moment.
You snuggled your face against Regulus’ shoulder. He didn’t say a word as you proceeded to pepper his neck with kisses.
“Want to tell me what’s eating you?”
Regulus groaned but didn’t say anything. Mentally shrugging, you continued to kiss the same path over and over before getting brave and biting down on his earlobe. Regulus wiggled himself loose and rolled his eyes.
“Just stop, would you?”
Had he not been in the mood from hell, Regulus would have seen how stunned and baffled that you looked. You looked as if you had been knocked off of your imaginary unicorn. Regulus turned and walked out the door to the back garden leaving you blinking after him.
This had been the first time that Regulus remotely took his frustrations out on you. Normally that was never an option. It wasn’t your place to take the blame for his issues “whatever they were.”
You didn’t move to go after Regulus. When he was ready to talk about whatever it was that he was going through...he would come to you.
An hour later, you sat on the couch reading a book that you had borrowed from Remus. You were so lost in the story that you hadn’t noticed that Regulus walked back in. You also didn’t notice the embarrassed expression on his face. Truth was, Regulus felt awful. You didn’t deserve him taking his frustrations out on you. It wasn’t your problem that his mother knew how to suck the life out of anyone within five minutes.
Regulus wasn’t about to tell you that the reason that he was so pissy was because of his mother’s insistence that the two of you produce an heir. You didn’t need to spend the evening and the next few days wondering if you were “good enough” to be his wife. Regulus would stop that from happening at all costs.
As Far as Walburga was concerned, it didn’t matter that Regulus told her that you weren’t physically able to do that. Walburga didn’t seem to understand the words “it will not be happening.” Regulus accepted it and it was time that Walburga did too. If she was so desperate for an heir then she needed to go talk to her eldest son. Regulus assumed that Sirius probably had a few kids running around out there. The way that Sirius “got around” it wouldn’t be surprising if the Black family had multiple new family members that no one knew about.
Regulus waited a few moments for you to say something to him but you didn’t. He smirked when he realized that you didn’t know that he was in the room. Shaking his head, Regulus gently snatched the book away.
“Hey!”
You whined. Regulus gave you a smile before kneeling down in front of you.
“Hi.”
You reached out to stroke your fingers through his hair.
“Hi... I suppose that you are having a bad day?”
You said softly. Regulus nodded, taking his hand in your and kissing each fingertip.
“Something like that. Mum knows how to suck the life force right out of you. It's no wonder my father is nothing but a glorified statue.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
Regulus shook his head. You didn’t expect him to be wanting to talk about whatever it was that Walburga had done. Regulus was never much of a talker when it came to his family. He would put the issue away in an expertly secretive little file in his mind only for it to never be seen or heard about again.
“Would you rather me take your pants off?”
Regulus’ grey eyes rolled up at the prospect of sex. This didn’t surprise you. As much as you wanted to make a comment about Regulus not being so different from Sirius; you decided not to. If you wanted to make your lover feel better comparing Regulus to his brother was not a good idea.
“That sounds nice.”
Regulus replied. He stood up and offered his hand to pull you up from the sofa.
“Bed or here?”
You asked. It didn’t matter to you where the sex would take place. The two of you seemed to have sex wherever the mood would hit.
“Bed.”
Regulus commented before picking you up and carrying you into the next room. He closed the door with his foot before gently sitting you down. You stayed in the same place as Regulus began unzipping your dress. His fingers expertly tugged the zipper down toward your bottom. Regulus wanted nothing more than to tug the fabric off of you but he knew that would get him nowhere except a shopping trip to buy a new dress. The last thing that he wanted was to spend the evening stuck in a dress shop with other husbands who were bored out of their minds. Regulus would rather be feeding you his cock instead.
The moment your dress hit the floor, you turned in Regulus’ arms and pressed your lips to his. The kiss was the same as always...sweet and timid at first before moving to fiery and possessive. You internally smiled at the memory of the first kiss that Regulus had given you. He had been so timid and embarrassed at first. Now he didn’t care where the hell that the two of you were. When he wanted a kiss your lips were his for the taking.
“What?”
Regulus questioned as you started unbuttoning his shirt and tugging the garment out of his slacks. You shook your head with an innocent smile and kissed his chin once more.
“Nothing. Can’t I smile when I kiss you?”
Regulus rolled his eyes.
“There is no such thing as nothing with you. Good try though, sugar. Now, what do you want me to do to you?”
You sat down on the bed before reaching out to unbuckle Regulus’ belt. That was a silly question for him to ask. Regulus was always the more dominant in the bedroom. You assumed this question was always to see how interested you were in what he had to offer.
“Such a silly question, love. I know what you want.”
You replied, running a hand up Regulus’ now obvious erection. He bit his lip as you finally wrapped your mouth around his length.
“I suppose you do know.”
Regulus commented as his eyes fluttered closed. You opened your eyes for a brief moment to see the ecstasy on your lover’s face. Again, you internally smiled at the memory of the first blow job that you had given Regulus. How he lasted a whole five minutes was still amusing to you. The poor love was so embarrassed at the coming so quickly and kept offering promises that once he was inside of you he could definitely last longer.
As the years progressed, Regulus gained an iron grasp on his orgasm. You often found yourself begging him to come already because your jaws or your pussy was so sore from “activities” that you needed a break. There were only a few ways to make him come super quick and he refused to talk about them. Your personal favorite was giving him an inconspicuous handjob at bad times. The most memorable was a few weeks ago at dinner with Walburga, Orion, and a few of the other Black family members. You smiled at the memory…
It was another boring dinner or listening to Walburga and Orion talk about how wonderful their family was. You sat beside Regulus as the dutiful sweet little wife that he adored so much. The less that you caught Walburga’s attention the better. Regulus hadn’t said much that evening. Granted, he normally didn’t say much around his parents. He had learned years ago to keep his trap shut.
As Walburga started talking about Christmas plans, you let your eyes fall to Regulus’ lap. Now would be the perfect time for a handjob. You knew Regulus probably wouldn’t think so. Your prim and proper lover still didn’t exactly love the idea of public displays of affection. A handjob and him coming in front of his family would be a huge “hell no.”
You let your eyes flutter to Regulus’ face. He sat watching his mother with a bored expression on his handsome face. Regulus clearly had not picked up on your playful smile and for this you were thrilled. As carefully as possible, you scooted your chair closer to Regulus.
The moment your fingers stroked over his cock, Regulus’ eyes turned to you. He gave you a warning expression that said “not now” but you weren’t going to listen. So what if he spanked you later? You would have some fun at the time being. You only blinked at Regulus before continuing to lightly stroke your fingertips over his hardening cock. Regulus reached down and wrapped his hand around yours. You assumed that he was going to shove you away but he didn’t. Instead, he forced your hand open to palm him under the table cloth.
Regulus pressed his lips together as you got braver and began unbuttoning his dress pants.
“Y/n, no...please.”
Regulus whispered in your direction. You gave him a playful smirk before wrapping your hand around his length. Regulus discreetly put his hand over his mouth obviously hoping that his parents would assume that he was carefully considering their words. Little did they know what you were actually doing to their youngest son.”
Regulus rocking his hips pulled you from the memory. He whined when you let his cock drop from your mouth. Sitting up a bit straighter, you placed a kiss to his hip bone.
“Want to take me?”
“That’s a dumb question.”
Regulus said as he gently pushed you back on the bed. You knew that he wasn’t going to just shove in. That was for inexperienced kids. He always left you needy and soaking the sheets before ever considering pushing inside of you.
He gently stroked his left hand between your bodies to stroke your pussy. Regulus groaned feeling how wet you were. He knew to expect it but it was always such a pleasant surprise. His middle finger effortlessly slipped inside your opening leaving you gasping his name. Regulus continued to tease you for a few moments. One finger became two. Two fingers were pushing in as deep as possible. He scissored and pumped you to orgasm twice. Each time, as your orgasm approached, Regulus stopped moving. His grey eyes were locked on your face and a small smirk played at his lips. Regulus knew how to drive you wild just as you knew how to push him over the edge.
“Need you now.”
You whimpered as Regulus curled his fingers. If Regulus continued to tease you like this there was no way that you would last long. To your relief, he seemed to want sex as badly as you did. Both of you sighed the moment that he pushed inside of you.
“Take it all, sugar.”
Regulus ordered, trying his hardest to resist the urge to start fucking you as if he was a careless teenager. He stopped himself each time. You didn’t deserve just to have a sloppy mess made out of your pussy. Despite this being about him, Regulus would make sure that you were taken care of. The words “happy wife, happy life” could have never been more accurate.
The soft gentle lovemaking turned hungry and desperate within seconds. You reached up to wrap your arms around Regulus’ shoulders as his skin slapped against yours. The feeling of Regulus’ cock sliding in and out of you before filling you to the hilt was enough to make you want to come alone. Your body twitched involuntarily as the arousal became more intense. Suddenly you felt your body lingering on the edge of orgasm.
“Please don't stop. Please don’t stop.”
You chanted over and over. You were trembling all over as the pleasure exploded. Regulus moaned loudly. The feeling of your body strangling his cock was enough to bring him over the edge. He knew that this wasn’t going to last long from the get-go. Regulus stopped thrusting almost instantly. You could feel his cock throbbing inside of you for a few moments before filling you.
Regulus was the first to break away. He stroked his finger over your nose before lying down beside you. You didn’t fight as he pulled you into his arms.
“Do you feel better?”
You asked, yawning. Regulus nodded and kissed your head.
“You always make me feel better. Maybe a small nap is in order?”
You didn’t argue as you wrapped your arm around Regulus’ body a bit more tightly and prepared for a nap (and round two). Before falling asleep you made a mental note to thank Walburga for whatever it was that she did to him. You would assure her that you were there to calm her baby boy down...just as you always would be.
_______
@amelie-black @regulusslut @mellifluous-cosmos @fandomsxxregulus @realgaytrash @acciosiriusblack @fific7 @quuenofblacks @siriuslyceleste @whymyparentscheckmyphone @criminalyetminimal @hazel-eyes5 @lucasfilms77 @exhsle @spiderxalmighty @rubyroscoe1 @bennyberry @harold-pothead @mimisparkle12 @teletubiswszpilkach @zievyimas @jessyballet @knreidy1 @brokencasbutt67-writer @authoressskr @moldy-old-boot @hankypranky @summer-novak @shaylybaby2032 @emiwrites3reads @shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @knight-of-gleefulness @stuckinsaudi1 @marichromatic @untoldshortsofthefandoms @deanwherescas @sprnaturallover @shitfaceddaniel @wontlookaway @mycuddlycorner
#Regulus Black#Regulus Black x Reader#timothee chalamet as regulus black#Walburga Black#Orion Black#the ancient and noble house of black#regulus x reader#reader x regulus#HP#hp reader insert#regulus arcturus black#regulus black oneshot#Regulus Black fics#one shot#smut warning#Mother doesn't know best#update
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What Did I Do To Deserve You?
ITS WHAT!?!
Alpha Dabi x F! Omega Reader
Words: 2.5K
Summary: Dabi finds out it’s your birthday
Soundtrack: ‘Safety Net’ by Ariana Grande ft. Ty Dolla $ign
Cuddling with your alpha, Dabi, is always the best. His smokey scent always engulfs your entire being as his strong arms keep you grounded against his chest. He always looks at you like you’re the best thing on this planet. Although, his snuggles are the least of your concern right now.
Right now, you’re trying to figure out how you’ll survive another minute of the cuddling position he has chosen for this moment. He’s sitting on the couch with you straddling his hips, your body arched into him as he keeps on hand settled on your ass. The other hand is fumbling with a Wii controller, clumsily playing bowling. It’s actually kinda cute how much your alpha loves to play video games (you hypothesis it may be because of how he was treated as a child but, Dabi barely talks about his childhood nowadays).
The problem, however, is that your alpha has decided to make you suffer. His hardness grinds into your core every time you try to move. You swear up and down in your mind that he does this on purpose to torture you for going to work every day. It’s pure agony laying there, feeling yourself get wetter and wetter after each second.
Dabi, on the other hand, is having the time of his life. He enjoys the way your core radiates warmth on his dick. Plus, you’ve been at work so much lately that he’s barely had you to himself for longer than an hour before you retire to your shared bedroom and pass out from exhaustion. Your asshole boss has been keeping you in the office longer since you have a big project coming up.
The alpha within him hates being separated from his omega but, he understands that you need your own independence. Thus, having this Thursday morning with you all to himself has made him incredibly happy. He thinks for a moment that maybe you might be sick (you only ever call out of work if you physically can’t make it) but you show no signs of illness. Then, his mind rejoices at the idea that you’ve finally agreed to quit your stupid job and allow him to provide for you; you quickly shot down this motion and told him you simply wanted to relax for once. He pouts.
“I’m not giving up hope,” you giggle and kiss his cheek. Kissing him on the lips would be a dangerous game right now.
“I’m sure you won’t, alpha,” Dabi’s nose flares. Glancing down at you, he runs his tongue along his teeth. Goodness, how have you survived this long in his lap?
Your starting match with your mate is cut short by your phone ringing. You flick his nose on your way up and yelp as he swats your ass in retaliation. You look back to glare at him but he’s innocently looking at the t.v., looking up at you with puppy-dog eyes. Sometimes you truly cannot believe this same man works for the League.
“Hello, Momma,” you sigh a bit as you answer the phone. You didn’t expect her to call you.
“Y/N!!! Happy Birthday, my beautiful girl. How are you enjoying it?” you can hear Dabi pause his game. You silently curse your mother for finally deciding to be attentive to you.
“It’s going good, momma. I took off of work for the day,” by now, Dabi is silently staring at you. His tall figure looms over you as he mouths ‘birthday’ to you. You nod your head, wondering for a moment how the fuck his hearing is so good.
“You deserve it. It’s such a beautiful thing to turn 17,” you sigh once again. You suppose you were asking too much for your mother to remember your age in addition to remembering the day she pushed you out of her vagina.
“Momma, I’m turning 20,” you try not to let her ruin your mood. You try to be thankful that she’s at least making an effort. On the other hand, Dabi looks at the phone in disgust. You’ve never really told Dabi about your childhood but, he had picked up over time that you were in the same boat as himself.
“Oh dear, I’m sorry. Time is flying by so fast,” you just shake your head.
“Yeah, it really is. I have to go, ma. I’m getting ready to go do some shopping. I deserve it.”
“Yes, yes you do. I love you, Y/N,” you can tell she feels bad.
“As I do you, momma,” you end the call. You know it must hurt her when you don’t tell her you love her back but, you’ve never been able to tell her that. You care for her but, it’s so hard forgiving her.
“IT’S WHAT!?!?!” ahhh, yes, you now have to deal with Dabi. It’s actually kinda funny how your birthday has just now dawned on his mind. However, you don’t dare laugh because you already know he feels bad enough for not knowing in the first place. “Omega, why didn’t you tell me?”
“Well, I don’t normally celebrate it. My boss normally gives me the day off no matter how much I protest. I just wanted to spend the day with you,” you relish in the warmth of his palm as he starts to stroke your cheek. You stare into his deep, cerulean eyes, feeling yourself get lost. “Don’t feel bad, alpha. It’s not that important.”
“IT IS IMPORTANT,” he snaps a bit, nuzzling your head. “It’s the day you were born to be mine. I don’t know what I’d be without you.”
“You’d be the same, just a bit more aggressive,” you giggle. You have no doubt in your mind that your alpha would be single without you. It takes a special kind of person to deal with your Dabi.
“That’s beside the point. Why didn’t you celebrate your birthday?” your eyes narrow as he speaks in the past tense.
“I DON’T celebrate it because I never got into it. I never really told you this ‘cause uh,” you rub the back of your neck in embarrassment. You know that you owe it to him to at least give him a good explanation. “Growing up, my parents were on really hard drugs. I mostly tried to avoid being in the house after things got bad so I was out working most of the time, trying to survive. I never really noticed my birthday since, you know, I was too preoccupied with taking care of myself. Then, the years started going by too fast till I just gave up trying to celebrate.”
“Y/N, Omega, look at me when I say this,” he cups your face in his hands, his nose rubbing against your, both of your eyes staring at each other. “Never feel ashamed of your past. Never feel ashamed to tell me things about yourself. I will never judge you. I love you so much, baby. Never forget that.”
“Yes, alpha,” and the matter was forgotten in your eyes. For the rest of the day, Dabi treated you like a queen (although, if you’re being honest, it didn’t really feel any different from how he normally treats you. If anything, he didn’t even let you walk). That night, he cooked you dinner and played with your hair the way you liked as he lulled you to sleep.
Once he was sure you were asleep, Dabi crept out of the bed. He watched you for a moment as you whined, hand-stretched out searching for your alpha. Your hand soon found his scented pillow and you decided it would be your ‘faux’ Dabi. It was adorable. Dabi made sure to snap a few pictures before sneaking out to the living room to make his call.
“Dabi, this better be fucking good. It’s booty-call hours and I know you’re not calling me for that….unlesssss?”
“Giran shut the fuck up and listen. I want to use some of my money to take Y/N on a small trip for her birthday. Not too extravagant. She hates shit like that,” Dabi was already regretting calling the man.
“When’s her birthday?” Dabi could hear Giran shuffling around with a piece of paper. He could imagine he was probably writing down information.
“It was today. She just t-”
“What the fuck, Dabi?!?! How could you forget her FUCKING BIRTHDAY?! SHE’S THE BEST FUCKING THING YOUR SORRY ASS IS GONN-” Dabi had to cool the rage of his inner alpha.
“She just fucking told me, you old, senile bastard. She wasn’t even going to tell me. I found out because her good-for-nothing mother called,” Dabi was pinching the bridge of his nose. He was still pissed you hadn’t shared something so important with him. He was even more pissed at himself for not realizing sooner.
“Oh...my bad. How soon do you want the plans to be made?”
“As soon as possible. I don’t care how much money it costs to get reservations and shit. I just want to treat her the way she deserves. Also, tell Shigaraki that I’ll be out of commission for the days you book. I mean it. None of you better fucking call me,” his voice dropped an octave. “This is my omega’s time. I’ll let you sorry fucks die if you’re stupid enough to get into trouble while I’m gone.”
“Geez, I get it. I’ll tell the others. If it’s for Y/N, we’ll lay low for a few days,” you had managed to weasel your way into the hearts of the group. Every time one of them had come to your home pleading, you took care of them. Hell, even Shigaraki tolerated you.
“Thank you,” Dabi meant it. “I’ll let you get back to your sleep.”
Then, he was back in the bed with you. You knew nothing of what had happened and he couldn’t wait to see the look on your face when he told you of the plans he (well, technically Giran) made.
***
“Hell no,” why did you have to be such a difficult omega? “I have a job, Dabi.”
“Baby, it’s only a few days. I know you have more than enough vacation days saved up. Just let your daddy take care of you,” you blushed hard. You had been getting ready for work when Dabi told you he had planned something for your birthday.
“Dabi, I can’t just not show up to work. Plus, I have work to do for this project,” you went to step around your alpha when he grabbed your wrist and pulled you into his chest.
“No, you don’t. I already asked your boss and he said you can come. It’s only for a few days babe. I promise you’ll love it,” he was giving you his pout. You turned your head to the side knowing that you would cave in to his demands the longer he looked at his face. You must resist temptation. You must...you must...you...have never seen Dabi look at you the way he is now. He seems so excited for whatever he has planned. You can’t bring yourself to deny his excitement.
“Fine. What do I need to pack?” Dabi rejoiced in your defeat, smiling down at you.
“I’ve already packed for you,” your alpha pulls a suitcase from underneath the bed. Ahhh, so that’s where some of your clothes had gone. “I’ve already got the car outside all gassed up, Giran said he’ll drop by to make sure the house is taken care of, and I’ve got your favorite snacks waiting to be eaten by you.”
This man truly loves you with all his being. You spend the next hours napping in the car per Dabi’s request. Even though you’d never admit it, it feels so good to have a break from working in your work cubicle. Maybe, you’ll decide to take a few more days off more often. After you wake up for your cat-nap, you eat your snacks like a good girl, giggling at any of the stupid roadtrip games Dabi comes up with.
Every time you ask about your destination, Dabi just shoots you a conspiratorial grin and tells you to “enjoy the ride like a good girl.” You squint your eyes at him the first few times as you think about reaching over to grab his dick. You decide against it, your self-preservation telling you that idea may not be the best course of action.
The day is slowly turning into evening but you don’t mind. The day has been immaculate at your alpha’s side.
Eventually, Dabi tells you to close your eyes. You do so with no argument, ready to see what your surprise is (at this point, you’ve learned there is no point in trying to protest). You hear the car stop and Dabi helps you out, his hands covering your eyes as he walks you somewhere. From what you can feel, you’re somewhere with gravel. That revelation does nothing to tell you where you are.
“How much further?” you whine. You’ve been walking for a few minutes now, every so often you stumble over a pebble, making Dabi laugh.
“How do you manage to trip and I’m literally guiding you?” you huff.
“Answer my question fool,” you yelp as Dabi gives you a quick swat to the butt. You rub the sting away and give him an imaginary glare.
Instead of answering, he uncovers your eyes to the most beautiful thing you've seen in your life (aside from Dabi ofcourse). A log cabin stands in front of you, large windows spanning from the ground to the ceilings. It looks like it may be made of pine wood. Everything looks so polished and poised. But, that’s not even the best part.
From where you stand, you can smell water. Walking a few steps ahead of Dabi, you can see a beautiful lake behind the cabin, the water glistening as it reflects the setting sun. Hues of magenta, tangerine, and candy apple sprays across the sky. Light is giving way to night before your very eyes and you feel yourself beginning to tear up. The sandy beach feels heavenly on your toes, the air feels calm and fresh, the lake still sparkling.
You can still hear Dabi behind you as you wrap your arms around yourself. You try to cry silently but, you just end up full-on sobbing. No one has ever done something so thoughtful for you; no one has cared enough about you to do anything like this.
Your alpha doesn’t ask you what’s wrong. He just keeps you against his chest as he lets you deal with your emotions. By the look on your face, he can tell he’s done a good job by consulting with Giran.
“Thank you.”
“Anything for my omega,” you grin. You’ll have to start letting him care for you more often if this is what he comes up with.
You both walk along the beach, laughing at each other when either of you trip on the mounds of sand. It’s another moment of calm that is reserved for only the two of you.
“So, you do like the beach?” Dabi looks nervous as he holds you.
“I love it.”
“Good. It’s our beach now,” and, although it sounds innocent enough, you look at him with squared eyes.
“What do you mean by that?”
“I bought the beach,” give it some time to set in. Okay, maybe a few more moments of digestion.
“YOU DID WHAT?!?!”
—————————————————————————-
TagList💕
@sinclairsamess @sakurashortstack
#Dabi#bnha#mha#dabi x reader#alpha dabi#omega reader#omegaverse#a/b/o dynamics#mha fanfiction#bnha fanfiction#dabi is sweet#female reader#fanfiction writer#anime fanfiction
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A Successful Test
Summary: What if Nikki had successfully lead Tommy to the test sight but the reader comes to help the young boy?
Pairings: Platonic! Tommy x F! reader, Mentioned Wilbur x F! Reader
Warnings! : Angst, Depressive thoughts, Death
A/N :Psst, there’s now a Part Two
Tommy heard static from the walkie on his belt, taking it off to give it a good smack (which usually worked), but only static continued to pour from the device.
“Damn, my walkie’s busted, what about yours Niki?” Tommy looked to the older woman as he put the device back on his belt.
“Oh, I left mine back at my base.” Niki lied, hers safely tucked deep in her inventory bag. “Come on, not much further.”
The young boy rolled his eyes at her persistence but followed none the less to this so-called giant forest of spruce trees. He just wanted to get his damn hotel finish, why couldn’t he just cut down the wood around them?
Niki was being forceful though, whenever he tried, she’d just pull him along as he rambled on to fill the void of silence. Tommy hated how she was acting. This wasn’t like how she used to be back when…L’Manberg was still standing. God, why couldn’t have (Y/N) met up with him like she promised? Maybe it would be a lot different instead.
He frowned at the thought of his older sister figure. If only his stupid walkie was working, he’d ask her where she wound up. Maybe she got caught up in her research again; she wanted to see if she could successfully resurrect Wilbur before Dream had the chance in hopes, everything would right. She didn’t trust Dream as far as she could throw him and Tommy didn’t blame her in the slightest.
Tommy smiled fondly at the thoughts of (Y/N). She had been the only one to visit him and Ghostbur. Of course, he suspected she just really wanted to see the ghost of her boyfriend, but she always assured him that she wanted to spend time with him as well. There were times when she’d bring him gifts to help his progress that he’d hide so Dream would never find them. Dream…did find them though and Tommy went into hiding with Technoblade. The hug she had given him when she found out he was alive and well.
The scolding was a much less fond memory in his mind but he was still glad to see her. And the scolding he got after getting his discs back alive! That was much scarier than going against Dream.
Tubbo nor Tommy had told the older woman they were going to their possible final battle. It was their battle and they knew she also walked with only one life left to her name. They weren’t going to let her lose it protecting them…again. But, when she had walked through that portal after Punz, Tommy couldn’t explain how much relief filled him as (Y/N) gripped a netherite ax and wore her best gear as she glared daggers at Dream. Of course, after they got the scolding, but the relief in the moment was greatly needed.
However, he hadn’t seen her as much after Dream’s declaration that he could bring Wilbur back. She had been researching ways to bring him back before, but after Dream’s announcement, her time spent pouring over books was increased by tenfold. (Y/N) did like Ghostbur but both she and Tommy missed their Wilbur. So, she had cut back the time she had spent with the younger boys but they both understood. Tommy just missed being able to talk shit with her and going to her for comfort when he remembered…the bad things.
Between all his thoughts, thinking about (Y/N), he didn’t notice he had stopped talking and now Niki was slowing down. Tommy frowned deeply, there wasn’t a tree in sight.
“Nikki…what’s going on?” Tommy asked her, his hand resting on the Axe of Peace, a little suspicious of her intentions.
“I’m not sure.” She muttered before taking out an ender pearl. “Wait right here. I’m going to look ahead.”
Tommy huffed as she threw the pearl and was further away from him. He waited a moment before shaking his head.
“Fuck this shit.” He murmured, turning back towards the spruce forest behind him.
As he did, he squinted his eyes seeing a figure sprinting towards him.
“…(Y/N)?!” He looked at her surprised.
Before he knew it, he jumped back as his sister figure appeared in front of him after the shattering of a pearl. She looked disheveled and most certainly was out of breath.
“We got to fucking go.” She said frantically, putting a pearl in his hand.
“What? What’s going on? Nikki just…”
“THERE’S NO TIME!” She shouted, startling Tommy. “THROW THE GOD DAMN PEARL! I’ll be behind you!”
Tommy wasn’t going to ask her twice. He threw the pearl towards the forest and landed right at the tree line. Shaking his head, he went to look around him, jumping once more when he heard something loud go by, the leaves on the trees being disturbed by the object. Looking up, Tommy’s eyes went wide.
“That’s one of Tubbo’s…” He muttered, the nuke going to land.
He followed the path of where the object was about to land and his eyes went wider.
“(Y/N)!” He screamed at the top of his lungs.
The young woman was still standing in the middle of the field, hands on her knees as she smiled softly to herself. She had no more pearls and she had no time, but she didn’t mind.
She saved Tommy and that’s all she wanted…
“SHIT! (Y/N)!” Tommy shouted as he started to sprint for her, but it was too late.
Tommy was thrown back at the intensity of the explosion, his ears ringing loudly, eyes shut tight at the light, and smoke filling the air. He coughed as his arms shook trying to push himself up.
It was a lie; she’d still be there. He had to be dreaming! He’d wake up and she’d tell him he was alright! Just another bad dream!
Giving another cough, he blinked his eyes open and saw the hole in front of him. This time, he choked on a sob as he shakily stood up. There…there was no way she would have survived…
Closing his eyes tightly, he wished it all to be a nightmare. It was all a nightmare.
But the ringing in his ears told him otherwise.
The smoke in his lungs told him otherwise.
The emotional and physical pain coursing through his body told him otherwise.
With his eyes still closed, he took the walkie off. Even if it was broken, he knew it would show him the one message he always hated seeing. The message of a lost life. Opening his eyes, tears filled them while his hands shook.
(Y/N) blew up.
Even though he couldn’t hear it, Tommy screamed as he threw the walkie away from him in the snow. He screamed with anger, pain…sadness.
His legs gave out on him and he fell to the ground, giving another scream before he pulled his legs close to him. She shouldn’t have done that.
None of this should have happened!
How did this happen!?
Tears fell rapidly down his cheeks as he coughed and sobbed.
All the bad thoughts from exile came rushing back and he gripped his hair.
This was his fault.
It should have been him.
She wouldn’t have been here if it weren’t for you.
“Tommy!”
Tommy startled as he felt someone holding his shoulders, the ringing in his ears had died down slightly. Looking up as he sobbed, he saw Tubbo. His best friend…the maker of the nuke…
“YOU KILLED HER!” Tommy screamed, jumping back from the other boy. “YOUR NUKE KILLED HER!”
Tubbo had tears in his eyes well, having gotten the message as well. He hoped it wasn’t true. He looked at the crater…a successful test…but at what cost?
“I—I warned everyone! I—No one should have—Why were you—?” Tubbo was running his hands through his hair frantically.
Jack stood at the edge of the crater, away from the pair as he kept his anger in as best, he could. She fucked up and got an innocent killed with Tommy still breathing.
“What happened?” Tubbo whispered to Tommy.
Tommy almost didn’t hear him with the remaining ringing left in his ears but he caught it. The blonde shook his head frantically as he held his head.
“She…She saved me…Then that fucking nuke came and killed her!” Tommy yelled.
Tubbo shook as he hugged himself, staring at the crater. He’d…he’d caused this…
“Why were you out here?!” Tubbo took his turn to shout, tears pouring down his face. “I told everyone not to come to snow biomes!”
“My walkie was busted! Nikki didn’t have hers!” Tommy held his head as the pain was overwhelming.
First Wilbur! Now…now (Y/N). None of this could be fucking real!
“Nikki? What does she have to do with this?!” Tubbo cried in frustration and sadness.
“I—I don’t know! Ok?! I can’t think Tubbo!” Tommy screamed. “I—I can’t do this right now. I have to go.”
And Tommy ran. He just ran and ran.
(Y/N) had been with him through so much. The founding of L’Manberg, the revolution, the skirmishes after, the election, Pogtopia, Wilbur’s betrayal on the both of them, his exile, the final stand for L’Manberg!
They fought together, they laughed together, they smiled together.
And all he could think about was how he would brush her off, how he didn’t need a woman to help him, how he used to make fun of her and Wilbur’s relationship, how he never told her how much he loved her being like a sister to him, how he never told her how much he appreciated her help…
Tommy fell into the snow, gripping onto his jacket as he sobbed.
He sat here breathing when the world had lost one of the best…
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A Gift To Remember
Summary: Shadow receives a gift for his birthday that causes a series of very interesting (and often cute) events.
Word count: about 7500 words
Author’s Note: I didn’t realize today was Shadow’s birthday! At the moment I’m more than a little confused because the release dates for SA2 say everything from the 18th to the 23rd, but this seems to be the one, so here this is!
Also, to that one anon whose question about this fic I never quite managed to answer- sorry about that and I do hope you’re still here to read this!
...
The main room of Team Dark’s home was, on a normal day, at least somewhat clean- which was in and of itself surprising, considering the fact that three teenagers lived there. (It was, of course, slightly less surprising when it was noted that one of these teenagers was a giant robot, one was already a businesswoman, and one had grown up in an incredibly clean environment.)
At the moment, however, said room was currently rather less clean, instead covered in various colorful signs, streamers, balloons, and other such decorations. After all, today was a very special day.
When Shadow and Rouge had discovered they shared a birthday (or creation day for Shadow, technically), they both became infinitely more determined to celebrate it for the other’s sake. This had actually, interestingly enough, also ended up making them enjoy their own festivities more than they had in quite some time.
Omega, meanwhile, had officially decided that this was his favorite day of the year.
Over the past few days, Rouge had already received a few presents from various people she knew in the line of clothes, makeup, or jewelry- but as much as she loved gems, her favorites so far were definitely the ones Omega and Shadow had gotten for her: a laser cutter that could slice through anything and a pair of (stylish) infrared goggles, respectively.
Shadow had just opened his present from Omega, which happened to be a sword that looked very cool...but was also longer than his actual body. This wasn’t actually as big of a problem for him as might be expected, as he’d gotten used to handling weapons several times his size during the alien invasion a little while back.
He had, however, been told rather quickly by Rouge to put it away ‘before you slice the wall in half, this place does cost money, you know!’.
Next, Rouge placed her present in his hands, but at first all Shadow could do was just stare at it. This was likely because the gift wasn’t actually wrapped, but instead consisted of a box made of wood slats and filled, oddly enough, with paper shavings. There were quite a few ribbons on it, though, in an attempt to make up for the lack of other decorations.
“I couldn’t wrap it, or else the present wouldn’t have worked.” she explained, sitting back down to watch him open it.
After prying off the top and shifting aside some of the paper pieces, the hedgehog froze.
Inside, there sat a single white chao egg.
Carefully lifting the egg out of the box, Shadow held it gingerly, as though he were afraid it might try to bite him if he wasn’t gentle enough.
“Rouge…” he began nervously. “Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate this, but...are you sure I’m the best person to be taking care of a chao?”
“Of course, hon!” she said. “You’ve taken care of them before, haven’t you?”
“Yes, but…” Shadow protested, “...are you sure I’ll be able to do as well at home? The garden is their natural habitat…”
Omega folded his arms. “YOU ARE THE ULTIMATE LIFEFORM. OF COURSE YOU CAN RAISE A CHAO.”
“That’s right!” Rouge added. “The chao are always happy when you take care of them- this time isn’t going to be any different.”
“…I suppose so.” Shadow conceded, taking a deep breath. He began to rock the egg slowly from side to side. “Here we go-”
A crack appeared across the pristine white surface. The split spread rapidly while Shadow sat and watched, making sure not to move the egg about much. Chao had to hatch their eggs on their own- it was the way they first began to strengthen themselves.
Rouge laughed. “See? You know exactly what you’re doing!”
Shadow studiously ignored her and continued to focus on the egg. Then, suddenly, a chirp came from inside and the whole top half came flying off.
The hybrid looked at his newborn chao...and his heart (though he’d never admit it) immediately melted. Soft, big eyes gazed up at him, an overjoyed smile on the creature’s face. It cooed happily upon seeing him give a small smile back, and he reached out and began to gently pat its head.
The chao broke into an even wider smile as its eyes closed blissfully, the little sphere above its head popping into a heart. Shadow continued to pet it, offering gentle words of praise, and might have continued like that for the next ten minutes had a camera noise from Omega not made him look up in alarm.
“ADDING IMAGE TO FILE: SHADOW BEING SOFT.” he declared, while Rouge looked on with a giant grin.
“You will do nothing of the sort-” Shadow growled, jumping to his feet, before a soft whimper from his chao stopped him. Its eyes were watery, wide and distressed, and the hybrid immediately scooped it up in his arms, holding it close. It relaxed quickly, snuggling into his chest fluff, and he shot Omega one last semi-serious glower before turning his attention back to the newborn.
Omega promptly took another picture.
…
Later that day, at the party that all of their friends had thrown for them, the chao and Shadow were nearly inseparable. It tended to rest in his lap when he was sitting or rode in between his ears whenever he stood up to get something. Eventually, though, the excitement of a new environment overwhelmed its initial nervousness, which unfortunately led to Shadow returning from the dining room with his hands full of plates of food to discover his chao crawling along the precarious edge of a bookshelf.
Suddenly, the chao’s footing slipped, and Shadow froze, unable to move or do anything- but then Sonic of all people noticed and was already there, leaping up and catching the chao before resting it snugly in his arms. “Looks like someone’s already progressed to the giving-their-owner-a-heart-attack stage, hm?” he asked, smirking at the little creature.
“Thank you.” Shadow said as his chao was returned to him, trying very hard to ignore the way his hands and Sonic’s brushed in the process.
(He’d been nursing a bit of a crush on the hero for a while now, but had decided to ignore it until it wore off. Sonic had admirers from all across the globe vying for his attention- it was absurd to think that anything could happen between them.)
…
Over the coming weeks, all three members of Team Dark made sure to rework their schedules so that someone was always home to watch over the chao- no more climbing on bookcases for the little one now. Shadow did most of the caretaking, feeding, training, cleaning, and providing Chaos Drives (mostly green) to the chao. Rouge did, however, occasionally claim she could ‘handle the extra work’ to give him some spare time and Omega even took it upon himself to watch it every so often.
Sometimes, Shadow and his chao would even cook together in the kitchen (a hobby he’d discovered he enjoyed after finding out that Rouge tended to eat takeout all the time- “You can’t live off that day in and day out- you’re not me, Rouge!”). The sight of a tiny pale blue creature determinedly lifting a bag of flour and flying it across the room was awfully cute- especially after Shadow bought it a tiny apron in what he unconvincingly claimed was an accidental purchase.
Shadow never made accidental purchases.
As much as the hybrid took care of it, though, the chao also seemed to be helping him. He smiled more, glowered less, and generally seemed more tolerant of mistakes than he had been in the past. Nowadays, errors that would once have caused him to go off on a rant or huff about were now met with a calmer ‘it’s okay’ or an offer for help fixing it.
He often laid a hand on it in his sleep or curled around it protectively, and could easily be seen patting its head, carrying it around, or even- when he thought he was alone- nuzzling it gently. The amount of time and care he put into making sure that his chao was happy would have been astonishing to anyone who hadn’t already seen how much he cared about his friends.
It was no surprise then that, before long, Rouge and Omega woke up one morning to find the chao inside a cocoon (and also a very stressed-out Shadow).
The hedgehog promptly called in sick for the entire week- an incredible occurrence for him. He’d originally sworn that since he couldn’t get ill, he’d give his sick days to others when they needed it, but now that was all out the window. He wanted nothing more than to stay home and essentially sit and stare at the cocoon until it hatched.
While the two other members of Team Dark managed to convince him to eat, sleep, and do chores on regular intervals, whenever Shadow had a spare moment he’d stay in his room, watching and waiting. Their friends got so worried that Rouge and Omega had used everything in their power to coax him out of the house twice over those five days, but he refused to do any more. Even then his outings had to come with the promise that they’d both stay home, check it every five minutes, and call him the absolute moment something happened.
On the sixth day of waiting, the cocoon began to hatch while Shadow was attempting to discreetly read out loud to the chao from one of his favorite books. The moment he saw the split, he dropped the novel, jumped up, and shouted louder than he had in months- “Rouge! Omega! It’s HAPPENING!”
He hovered so closely around the cocoon that Omega had to physically pull him back as Rouge reminded him to give the chao more space. Within moments, the split had widened enough for a single black paw to poke out, feeling around carefully for some sort of purchase to pull itself the rest of the way outside. Soon enough, it had succeeded, earning- impressively enough- widened eyes from Omega and a gasp from both Shadow and Rouge.
Frowning light blue eyes were set in an equally grumpy (albeit adorable) face, with two little black ears and three tiny quills on the chao’s head. The ears and quills both had red stripes, as did the arms, legs, and even its tail. A red crescent shape sat on its chest, and two tiny purple bat wings flapped slowly behind it.
In short, it looked a lot like a tiny Shadow.
The hedgehog in question reached out carefully and began to pet his chao, offering some quiet words of praise, but before long it flew up and settled in its favorite spot in between his ears. When Shadow turned around to face his friends, they were met with the sight of a little glowering creature settled on top of his head…which really did look far too similar to the hybrid himself when he was irritated.
Rouge covered a smile with both of her hands. “Shadow...hon…”
He frowned at her, only serving to make the resemblance more obvious. “What?”
“It looks exactly like you!”
“Not really- it has blue eyes and...bat wings…” He looked up at her suddenly. “Rouge...how much time have you been spending with Spark again?”
“Oh, just a little- wait, Spark?” she said quickly, redirecting his attention.
Shadow flushed a bright green at that. “I might’ve already picked out a name...does it sound alright?” he asked, studiously looking anywhere but at his friends.
The chao chirped at the name and snuggled a little further into the fur on his head, seemingly pleased with the title.
He began to smile at that. “You like that name, do you?” he asked teasingly.
“It sure looks like it! I think it’s a lovely name, hon.” Rouge added.
The chao cooed, cementing its name with all of the team (whether Omega would admit it or not).
Now, if anything, Shadow and his chao were even more close than before. Rouge even bought it a tiny leather jacket to match his style, which was quickly deemed by everyone (especially their friends, to whom she’d sent about fifty photos) the most adorable thing ever.
...
One day, Shadow came home from lunch out with Silver and Blaze only to discover a quite unexpected scene- though he really should have seen it coming, considering what he’d noticed after his chao had hatched. Rouge was kneeling next to the sofa, scratching Spark behind the ears and saying in what could only be described as a baby voice, “Who’s your favorite momma? Me, that’s right. That’s right, isn’t it?”
“Uh….” he interrupted, feeling more than a little uncertain as to how to respond to this. He was torn between “I didn’t know you had a baby voice” and “I’m glad to see you and Spark getting along” and wasn’t entirely sure which one to go with here.
The bat, on the other hand, jumped a good three feet in the air at the sound before glaring at Shadow furiously. “Don’t startle me like that!” she shouted, more than a little tense...and also a bit worried?
The hybrid didn’t react, instead saying “It’s nice to see you spending time with Spark too, Rouge.” with a smile.
She relaxed a little at that, and Shadow sighed. “Rouge, I wouldn’t make fun of you- I do the same kind of thing, don’t I?”
“You’re right, you’re right.” the bat admitted. “I just had to! It looks like me- it even has my wings! How could I not?”
Shadow moved to sit down on the sofa at that, reaching out to pat the chao as well. Rouge smiled at him gratefully, and then they both looked down at the cute creature in between them, who was promptly staring up at both with a confused look on its face. After a moment, though, it seemed to realize that everything was alright and nuzzled both Mobians before curling up on the couch happily.
…
Another time, the entire team was out grocery shopping at their favorite store when Spark’s eye was caught by the soft, warm cinnamon buns sitting behind a glass case. After a minute or two of desperate pulling at the seams- to no avail- it flew over to Shadow and began to poke at his shoulder until he turned to look at it.
“Yes? What is it?” he asked, giving the chao a little scratch under the chin.
The chao pointed excitedly at the sweet treats, but its expression melted into one of dismay upon hearing him say “No, Spark, that’s not very good for you- and it’s too big for you to finish all by yourself, too.”
It mimed a clock insistently- they didn’t go to the store that often, after all- its frown deepening all the while. Shadow felt a little uncertain- he enjoyed giving the chao treats, but was now really the best time to feed it so much sugar? It could end up flying all over the place, and he really didn’t feel like getting banned from yet another grocery store. (The last one had been because Omega got a little too excited while messing around with the shopping cart and had melted it and twisted it into a knot...somehow. They were rapidly escorted out after that.)
Suddenly, though, the chao shuffled forward, took one of his fingers in between its tiny paws, and stared up at him with the softest, most pleading look it could possibly manage, its eyes wide and mouth quivering. “No...no, come on…” Shadow protested weakly, but already his resistance was melting away. It practically seemed to be saying haven’t I been good all week? Can’t I please just have this one treat? and the hybrid was in no condition to fight back.
Within moments, Spark was holding a cinnamon roll and dug into it with glee, only pausing once to nuzzle Shadow happily and offer him a quick bite as thanks. He accepted the gesture of appreciation easily (even though now his face had sugar on it after the chao’s affectionate thank-you) and was more than happy to see his chao smiling broadly with the treat in its hands.
…
The chao was, of course, still a great help to Shadow as well. One night in particular, it woke up to the sounds of quiet whimpering and began to look around, startled. For a moment, it turned to its caretaker for help- and then discovered that he was the one in trouble.
Shadow was curled up on his side, his brow creased in distress and his whole body shaking terribly. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut and occasionally the most terribly saddening sounds would escape his mouth. Once or twice, a tear escaped and trickled down his face.
Spark crawled up to his face gently, licking away the tear and nuzzling his cheek. Shadow shuddered briefly, but seemed to relax almost infinitesimally when the dark chao pressed itself against his chest for a moment. Eventually, the creature managed to get him to roll onto his back, at which point it crawled onto his chest, hoping that this would help him begin to relax.
It really did work- within moments, the small, warm weight on his chest made Shadow’s breathing even out and his shivers ease as the nightmare that was plaguing him began to fade.
Spark curled up, pleased with itself, and fell back asleep not long after.
…
There was just one problem amongst all this newly-discovered happiness that came with the chao. Ever since it had evolved out of its cocoon, Omega seemed as though he were hardly willing to interact with it.
Rouge or Shadow would hand it over to him, only to get it back less than a minute later. He spent the least amount of time with it out of the three, but when he was asked if he didn’t like the chao, he never said as much.
Omega didn’t tend to lie...but then why wouldn’t he do anything with it?
Once or twice, they’d caught him merely staring at Spark as the little creature sat on the couch, his optics clicking but otherwise utterly silent. The two Mobians hardly knew what to make of it- he’d never acted like this before.
They finally had the opportunity to discover why he was behaving strangely several days later, though, entirely due to an accident on Shadow’s part. Rouge and Omega had been answering a distress call regarding some rogue G.U.N. robots and needed to call in the hybrid to help. He’d driven his motorbike directly to the scene and leapt straight into battle…
...and hadn’t noticed Spark peeking out of the bag he’d left on his bike.
The chao- while fast, to be sure- was in no way prepared for a full-on battle. While at first it had hoped to help its little family, flying about uncertainly in hopes of doing something, it quickly discovered that the only thing it could really do was to hide behind an upended concrete slab and hope it wasn’t noticed.
That, unfortunately, didn’t quite work out.
It didn’t take long before one of the rogue drones spotted a fourth heat signature aside from the three it was fighting and began to stalk towards it, charging its laser cannon in the process. Shadow, confused at first, felt his stomach drop in horror upon seeing his tiny chao shaking in fear as the machine advanced on its hiding spot. He hadn’t thought to bring a Chaos Emerald, believing this would be an easy battle- and Rouge was busy in the air.
The laser cannon on the drone was almost fully charged, and Shadow fired up his skates in a futile attempt to somehow reach Spark before-
A white hot blast lit up the area.
Shadow couldn’t have stopped the strangled cry that came from his mouth if he had wanted to. The smoke began to clear, and he almost couldn’t look…
Something stirred within the haze, and as it cleared away, Shadow felt his whole body sag with relief upon seeing Omega shifting to an upright position from where he’d shielded the chao with the back of his chassis, blocking the full force of the laser. He let out a sigh as he caught a glimpse of Spark held safely in Omega’s hand as the other one retracted to reveal a flamethrower.
“MY TURN.”
Within moments, the drone was just so much melted slag on the floor and the battle’s tide was turned. Shadow and Rouge dispatched the other robots and then rushed to Omega, who had held onto the chao this entire time.
“Omega...thank you.” Shadow said, taking Spark from his friend and holding it tightly.
“IT WAS- zzzt- NOTHING.” Omega said, a sudden staticky buzz splitting his sentence in two.
“Omega?” Rouge asked, her eyes narrowing. “What happened to you?”
“NOTHING.” he said hurriedly, his voice still glitching. “WAIT- DON’T YOU D-DARE-”
The three had already begun looking to see what had happened...but then froze when they saw the damage his back panel had taken while shielding Spark from the blast. A giant, smoking hole of warped and fused metal was burned into his chassis, revealing a bunch of melted and sparking wiring that definitely needed urgent attention.
“Omega…” Shadow looked horrified.
Rouge frowned, confused. “Why would you do this to yourself? I know how much you hate having to go get repairs.”
The robot let out a burst of static that sounded almost like a resigned sigh. Turning around, he muttered, “IT’S LI-LITERALLY YOU. AND ROUGE. BUT TINY. THAT APPEARS TO HAVE… STRANGE EFFECTS- zzzt- ON MY BEHAVIOR.”
“Do you...not like those effects?” Rouge asked, now clearly shifting into ‘I’m figuring things out’ mode. “Is that why you’ve been avoiding it so often?”
“I AM A ROBOT OF MASS DESTRUCTION. I AM NOT SUPPOSED TO CARE FOR TINY CREATURES SUCH AS THIS ONE. I SHOULD NOT FEEL ANY ‘WORRY’ ABOUT IT- AND YET-” Omega cut off there with a frustrated crackle.
Shadow still didn’t understand. “You’ve always been a robot of mass destruction, but you never thought it was weird to worry about us before.”
“THAT WAS DIFFERENT!” Omega insisted. “YOU BOTH ARE POWERFUL. IT IS NATURAL THAT RESPECT AND CONSEQUENTLY OTHER THINGS SHOULD COME FROM THAT. BUT THIS-! IT HAS NO DESTRUCTIVE QUALITIES! BUT STILL I...YOU KNOW...”
“It’s official, Omega.” Rouge said at that, a smirk growing on her face. “You’re becoming more and more like us...organics are always weak for cute things.”
“IT IS SHAMEFUL THAT I SHOULD COME TO THIS.” he grumbled.
“It’s not so bad, really.” Shadow said, placing a hand on his arm.
“And that’s coming from the guy who never used to admit he cares about people!” Rouge insisted. “Omega, you know you don’t have to be embarrassed about that kind of thing here- you’d never make fun of Shadow for not being tough all the time, would you?”
“I GUESS NOT…” he said, still seeming irritated.
At this point, Spark flew up to sit in Omega’s hand, looking up at the robot with its little frowning face, before reaching out and patting a single finger solemnly with its paw.
“OH NO.”
“Oh yes.” Rouge answered, grinning. “Let’s get you to Tails now though, okay? Then once you’re fixed up you can come home and pet the chao.”
Omega turned his head away and refused to dignify that with a response.
(He did, however, pet the chao when he got home. Nobody teased him about it, for which- while he’d never say it- he was rather grateful.)
…
It was inevitable, eventually, that Team Dark’s schedule wouldn’t be perfect and that they’d all have to be out and busy at some point. This, of course, meant that Spark would have to be dropped off at the chao daycare.
Shadow had managed to force himself to reconcile with that fact, but the chao wasn’t nearly as good at that sort of thing.
On the day of, it was sobbing desperately, clinging to Shadow’s jacket with a tight grip as though it’d been handed a horrible punishment instead of a day spent at the warm, welcoming building in front of it. “It’s going to be alright. You’ll be okay, it’s just for a day. See, the Mobians who run it are very nice- won’t you look?” the hybrid whispered in a soothing voice, gently rubbing Spark’s head.
Omega stepped forward. “DON’T YOU...WANT TO SHOW HOW BRAVE YOU CAN BE?” he said awkwardly. Talking to the chao was still taking some getting used to for him, but he was definitely trying his best.
Rouge smiled warmly at that. “Of course! We’ll all be so proud of you, don’t you know that?”
“We can make a cake especially for you when you get home too, alright?” Shadow said, and that was the final thing the chao needed to hear. Wiping its eyes with a final few sniffles, it flew over to the little walkway towards the entrance and stood up tall, its body shaking slightly with leftover stress and its attempts not to cry.
“We love you!” Rouge called, blowing it a quick kiss.
“See you soon.” Shadow said gently, waving with a smile.
“YOU’LL BE THE BEST ONE THERE.” Omega added, shuffling in place a little.
The chao whimpered briefly, but then turned away and bounded into the daycare before it could lose its nerve.
Throughout the morning, it remained relatively antisocial- a bit like the hedgehog whose appearance it had taken- during the music and karate lessons. The other chao all babbled and played together, being mostly neutral and hero-types, and the few dark chao that were there wanted to cause an awful lot more trouble than Spark was in the mood for.
One thing that it noticed very clearly, though, was the extraordinarily frustrating presence of a royal blue hero and speed-type chao.
This chao didn’t seem to think even once (let alone twice) about anything it did. It banged on the drums until Spark’s ears were sore during music class and then somehow managed to smack it in the face during karate lessons twice, and all the while it chatted away with about five other chao all around it.
Needless to say, by midday, when it was playtime, Spark had just about had enough.
When the blue chao rushed directly through the little sand city that it had been carefully building, swiping everything away with a single dash, Spark growled, picked up the plastic shovel it had been playing with, and threw it so hard it whacked the other creature in the arm.
Snarling, it began to stomp off when it felt a hand on its shoulder. The blue chao darted away and began hurriedly to try and rebuild the city, occasionally glancing up at Spark with an apologetic expression in its eyes.
It...looked awfully sad, actually.
Suddenly, the dark chao remembered how it had quickly stopped banging on the drums when the teacher had told it to, and how it had looked rather guilty when it had smacked Spark in the face, and how excited it was when talking with the other chao…
Maybe it was just a little clumsy sometimes.
Spark sighed a little. The other meant well, it decided, as its anger began to fade. It appreciated the apology...but now the sculptures were gone and it couldn’t get them back. Then, though, its gaze fell upon a pair of toy cars sitting nearby.
Pulling the blue chao over to a strip of flat, packed earth nearby, it gave one car to its surprised companion and then set its own down at a line that could work quite well as the start of a race.
Soon enough, the other creature worked out the idea and began to cheer with delight, and before long they were racing cars like they’d been friends since the start. Eventually, they even switched to running races themselves, over and over again until they were all worn out and collapsed on the cool grass in a heap. Before long, though, they were up and at it again, only this time they started with a building game, and then had a little fun with the musical instruments, and soon enough Spark couldn’t help but wonder how they had ever fought in the first place.
Eventually, they decided that their next activity would be a race to the top of the jungle gym they noticed nearby. Spark was determined not to lose as it scrambled up the bars. It pulled itself paw over paw up the structure, getting closer and closer to the top, until-
Suddenly, a bar that it had been sure existed in front of it only a moment ago was now clearly just a little too far away, and the mistake caused it to reel forward, desperately clinging to the slippery bar it sat on. It twisted head over heels until it slid and fell all the way back to the ground, the wind slammed forcefully out of its little lungs.
Spark gasped soundlessly, trying and failing to pull air back into itself. After several agonizing seconds, it finally caught its breath- and then nearly got it knocked back out again by the impact of its new friend.
Regaining focus, the dark chao realized with a start that its friend was practically wailing into its chest, the soft blue creature shaking with desperate, panicked sobs. It looked up quickly, its eyes swollen and teary, and then reached out with its paws and hurriedly patted Spark’s body down, as though to reassure itself that the dark chao was still there.
The creature in question sat up and pulled its friend into a tight hug, feeling nothing less than awful as the blue chao sniffled and whimpered worriedly in its arms. Eventually, it managed to calm down enough to amble over to a small nest made of blankets especially for tired chao and lay down there next to Spark. The two chao curled up together, nuzzling gently as the shaky breaths of the blue one finally evened out.
Spark felt the little ball over its head pop into a heart shape, and noticed briefly that its friend had done the same. They remained curled up like that for the last half-hour or so of their time in the daycare, alternately simply cuddling or talking about their respective owners.
Spark hoped they’d get to spend more time with this friend of theirs soon.
…
Shadow pulled up to the daycare on his motorcycle at closing time, doing his best to smooth out his frazzled quills. It wouldn’t be very good to let his chao know that he’d been nearly as worried about it as it had felt itself.
He sighed, making his way towards the entrance of the building- and instantly felt the last wisps of his composure vanish upon seeing Sonic standing just inside. Before he could panic and flee the area at top speed, his legs (which didn’t seem to have received the message just yet) carried him through the door and inside.
Almost immediately, the blue hedgehog turned to face him with a bright smile. “Oh! Hey, Shadow!” Sonic said happily. “I didn’t know you brought your chao here, too! I’ve gotta say hi to the little guy again sometime!”
“This is my first time bringing it here. If it’s alright with that…I suppose you may.” the hybrid said, trying his best to sound coherent and cool (but actually just seeming stiff and awkward).
They talked for a little while as they waited for their chao to come out, chatting about their lives and friends. More than once, Shadow had to pinch himself in order to stay focused. His mind kept threatening to wander off into dreamland when he was around the hero, ready to admire his many great qualities (and wonderful appearance) at the drop of a hat.
Eventually, though, he became a bit worried by the fact that chao after chao were wandering out through the playroom door, being collected, and leaving…but neither Spark nor Sonic’s chao had even showed up. Soon enough, the two decided to walk into the room and find their tiny charges themselves.
“Uh, hi, mixter!” Sonic greeted the leopard who ran the daycare. “Didja see my lil’ buddy somewhere around here?”
“Oh, hello Sonic!” they said brightly- clearly the hero had been to this place quite a few times before. “Yes, your chao is over there in that nest there, sorry. I just hated to disturb those two…”
Shadow frowned. Those two?
His question was promptly answered when Sonic whisked aside the blanket covering the nest, only for both of them to stare at the sight inside.
Two purring chao, one clearly Sonic’s and the other obviously Shadow’s, were snuggled up together with big hearts floating over their heads. Even the hybrid’s dark chao, notorious for its ever-present frown, looked completely at peace with a small smile on its face.
He tried his best not to freak out.
“Erm…” Shadow began eloquently.
“Uh…” Sonic replied.
The two chao perked up at this, looking happily at their owners before nuzzling gently together in a manner that made Shadow’s stomach leap into his throat and then crash straight through the floor. In a further twist (both in events and in the striped hedgehog’s internal organs), Sonic’s chao then leapt happily into his arms, leaving Shadow to stare at the tiny version of his crush cuddling into his chest fur.
He sincerely hoped there was a convenient couch nearby for him to sit down on.
“Blu- come on-” Sonic began, looking oddly panicked for some reason, but then Spark sprang eagerly onto his shoulder and the hero rapidly fell silent as the dark chao nudged his cheek.
The two hedgehogs stared at each other for a long time. Shadow tried to move or do something other than just stand there, but it was awfully difficult when the hero was looking at him with those wide, soft green eyes….
“Er…Sonic?” Shadow finally choked out, in an odd, strained sort of tone.
“Yeah?”
“I think I’d like my chao back now.”
“Yeah.”
They each handed over their respective creatures, though Shadow felt rather reluctant to let such a tiny version of Sonic out of his arms. And for a moment he could almost have sworn that the hero held Spark a little longer than necessary, too…
…
Once he got home, the hybrid collapsed onto the couch and covered his eyes briefly with a hand. Spark, who had at first rushed into the kitchen (not having forgotten the promise of cake), came back and began to tug on his arm briefly before realizing that maybe Shadow wasn’t quite up to doing much of anything at the moment.
Rouge and Omega walked in just a moment later, their work having ended a little after Shadow’s. Upon seeing him slumped on the furniture, though, their greetings were cut short and instead replaced by worried questions.
Shadow sighed. “Spark...just spent a bunch of time cuddling with Sonic’s chao. And he noticed.”
“And that’s a good thing, hon.” Rouge shot back, having resisted a facepalm the moment she realized what all this was about.
“It is not!” the hedgehog cried out, before realizing that Spark was more than a little stressed by his tone of voice. “I’m not mad at you, don’t worry, it’s just...I already make enough of a fool of myself around him on my own. He’ll figure it out soon enough if we keep this up.”
“SO LET HIM.” Omega said. “EITHER HE STARTS DATING YOU OR HE’S AN IDIOT.”
Shadow blushed furiously. “It doesn’t work like that!”
“EXCEPT WHEN IT DOES.”
“Why don’t you tell him, hon?” Rouge asked. “I mean…” and here she developed a devious smile, “...didn’t his chao technically also act all affectionate with yours?”
The hybrid’s ears were bright green by now. “He’s nice to everyone, Rouge.”
At this point, Spark- who had left temporarily to get a pencil and paper- held up a drawing it had made of the scene at the jungle gym earlier. Shadow, of course, immediately began fussing over his chao, checking for any bruises or scrapes, but the bat in particular saw something entirely different.
“Kinda...reminds me of what happened on Space Colony ARK.” she mused.
Shadow’s head shot up at that. “What?”
Rouge smirked, but it was bittersweet this time. “Your fall...it really hurt him too, y’know? He didn’t go out in public for a long time after that.”
“He...he never mentioned that to me…”
“He wouldn’t have!” she said. “Sonic isn’t the type to ‘bother’ others with his feelings.” Rouge explained, doing air quotes at one point.
“HE ALSO STARES AT YOU WHEN YOU ARE NOT LOOKING.”
“He what?!” By now Shadow had been reduced to just looking back and forth between his two friends.
Spark flew in front of Shadow’s face and began to mime something. First pointing at Shadow, then a heart, then talking, then a hedgehog with all its quills pointed down…
“No! I can’t just tell him!”
“We’re hanging out with his team next week at the park- you should do it then.” Rouge replied, ignoring the last thing he’d just said.
“Did you not hear me, I can’t-”
“YOU WILL NEED SOMETHING NICE TO WEAR.” Omega said loudly over the rest of his sentence.
Spark cheered approvingly.
“So...you three have just decided for me whether or not I’m going to confess to Sonic.” Shadow sighed, beginning to resign himself to the fact.
“Absolutely, hon!” Rouge said brightly, slipping an arm around his shoulders.
He glowered at all three of them, but it lacked any real malice. “Alright, I’ll play along...for now.” he grumbled.
“EXCELLENT. LET THE PLANNING COMMENCE.”
…
One week later, Shadow was standing in the middle of a patch of grass, feeling like his knees were about to buckle as sweat trickled through his quills. He was no longer resigned to telling Sonic about his feelings and was in fact considering jumping into the nearby lake and hiding there for the duration of the hangout. His stomach- along with whatever scraps of resolve he may have had- were currently all the way back at their house.
On top of all that, he was frankly surprised he didn’t just spontaneously burst into flames when the other three Mobians showed up, Sonic in the lead.
“Hey guys!” he said excitedly. “Long time no see!”
Rouge snickered a bit at his catchphrase (it was one of many) but Shadow just felt his ears burn. He was just so cute and cheesy and already the hybrid’s mind was devolving into a mushy mess.
“Rouge, Omega.” he greeted them each, but he seemed to pause for a second on the last name. “...Shadow.”
The hedgehog in question thankfully managed a reply, and then the fun began in earnest. Knuckles and Shadow competed in several arm-wrestling matches with narration from Tails (“...aaaand Knuckles looks like he’s in the lead!”) and commentary from Omega (“YOU’RE LUCKY I DON’T ARM-WRESTLE OR ELSE BOTH OF YOUR ARMS WOULD BE BROKEN.”). Rouge and Sonic were busy pranking other innocent people, though once in a while the latter would look over at the competition, distracted.
Eventually, Tails and Omega got bored- which of course meant Knuckles and Shadow had to play the role of caretaker (“No, you can’t blow up trees. No, not even for ‘science’.”) for a little while.
At one point, though, Rouge got bored with the pranks and had dragged the echidna off to a park bench and was now flirting with him enough to turn his face as red as his spines. Tails had promised to behave- which now meant that he was halfheartedly attempting to convince Omega not to modify his cannon to launch ducks from the nearby pond- leaving Sonic and Shadow to themselves. Blu and Spark had been playing in the grass all this time (since both of them had brought their chao without really realizing that the other would do the same), and Shadow had very definitely not been thinking about how lucky his chao was that emotions were easy for it.
He remembered the talk his friends had given him before this outing then and wondered if maybe, just maybe, it could be that easy. Before he could stop himself, he’d already spoken.
“...Sonic?”
“Yeah?” the hero asked, turning to face Shadow.
“I...wanted to talk to you about something.” he said, regretting everything already because look how stupid he was about to seem...yet Shadow Robotnik the Hedgehog had never been one to do things by halves.
“Oh, really?” Sonic said, and now he almost looked relieved, for some reason. “I, uh, was actually hoping to do the same. That’s cool, what is it?”
“No, no, you go first.” Shadow urged him, hoping that he’d take the offer.
Unfortunately, today was not his lucky day. “No, man, you asked first! Go ahead, what was it?”
“Really- it’s fine.”
“No, you had something you wanted to say!” Sonic insisted.
“It’s okay, I swear-”
“Well, I guess-”
“I mean, if you want-”
“Okay-”
“You see-”
“I like you!”
Both hedgehogs shouted the words at the exact same time, before freezing and staring at each other.
“Wait…” Shadow began.
Sonic’s eyes were wide. “You like me back?!?” he gasped, hands flying up to his mouth.
“...yes.” he admitted, looking off to the side in embarrassment. Then it hit him. “Wait. You like me back?”
“Of course! How could I not?” Sonic asked incredulously. “You’re smart, funny, nice-” He’d begun listing off attributes while counting on his fingers, but cut himself off upon noticing Shadow’s confusion.
“Yes, but you’re a hero. The world’s hero.” Shadow began to frown, staring at the grass. “Why would you settle for someone like-”
“No.” Sonic growled, and the hybrid looked up suddenly to see his face twisted in anger. “Don’t ever say that.”
“But everyone thinks it…” Shadow protested weakly.
“Yeah, well, ‘everyone’ isn’t part of my love life.” Sonic assumed a slightly less aggressive stance, placing a hand on his hip. “Whoever’s been telling you that can either leave you alone or get their face introduced to my sneakers.”
Shadow blushed. “Nobody needed to. I just assumed...but perhaps I shouldn’t have.” he added quickly, seeing the hero begin to glower again.
“That’s right!” he said, zipping over to stand directly in front of Shadow. “No assumptions here- talk to me from now on if something’s worryin’ you, ‘kay?”
Then, he seemed to notice the sudden stiffness in the hybrid’s posture, as well as the green flush slowly creeping up his ears. Sonic leaned forward with a smirk, resting his forearm on Shadow’s shoulder. “Thinkin’ about something?”
Shadow gulped.
For once, he decided that he could do what he wanted. So, he slowly reached up a hand and touched the peach fur on Sonic’s arm gently, like it was the most delicate thing in the world.
Rather more quickly, Sonic turned a shade of bright red to rival Omega’s paint job.
“So, uh…” he began, his voice shaky. “Erm...do ya feel like sitting under that tree? Together?”
Shadow agreed, and the two walked over to the shady patch, sitting down and resting against each other. Soon enough, though, Sonic turned to face Shadow, a little nervous. “Do we, like, need to talk about this? Figure out...what to do about…us?” He started turning pink again.
“Maybe later. We have a lot of time, after all.” Shadow said, trying to contain the soaring feeling inside when Sonic said ‘us’- until he realized that he didn’t have to any longer.
“What’re you smiling about?”
“You. And me. Together.” Shadow said simply, making Sonic laugh and snuggle up against him, resting his head on a black-furred shoulder.
“Wow. That’s, uh….that’s new. I really like it though.”
Then, the hero looked up at him. “I really like you, too.”
At this point, a loud whistle could be heard from Rouge, who was standing not too far off and had likely heard a lot of what they’d said. Sonic just giggled, while Shadow shot her a death glare. She just winked and mouthed I’ll keep them occupied, at which point the hybrid tried not to show how very much he appreciated that and failed miserably.
And Sonic was purring now. Which of course meant that every single brain cell in Shadow’s head was promptly dead for the next five minutes.
After he’d recovered from that, Shadow wrapped his arms tightly around his...boyfriend? Maybe? He thought for a moment. “Hey, Sonic?”
“Yeah?”
“How do you feel about being my-” Shadow paused briefly to cough, trying to get the words out- “-boyfriend?”
“I think I like that a lot.”
Shadow smiled warmly, feeling the beginnings of a purr rise up in his own chest.
“I like that a lot, too. Almost as much as I like you.”
#shadow the hedgehog#rouge the bat#e 123 omega#sonic the hedgehog#happy birthday shadow and rouge!!#these two are the best#i swear i panicked when i realized that their birthday was today and not the 21st haha#me: has never actually fully raised a chao in-game#also me: *throws in made-up chao facts like i know what i'm talking about*#also all names for shadow's chao are valid this is just the one that i personally picked#hopefully everyone enjoyed being blasted by 7500 words of fluff :)#(and hurt/comfort of course)#i liked writing the part where it was like#blu and spark: *speedrun enemies to friends*#sonic and shadow: *PANIC*#just checking: is the term 'mixter' alright for a lengthened version of 'mx.'? i've seen it before but don't know for sure#this is my second attempt writing proper sonadow hopefully it was alright#:D#as always suggestions for how to improve my writing are more than appreciated!#sol's fanfiction
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masquerade (part 2) (d.m.)
prompt: draco malfoy was your rival in slytherin house. both of you ambitious, bold, and daring. as one of the few pureblood slytherin families left, you promised yourself that you would continue your lineage, but not with scum like malfoy. instead, you would meet a suitor at the annual masquerade ball hosted by the malfoys each year. but what if your prospective suitor is someone you didn’t expect...
pairing: draco malfoy x fem! pureblood reader
warnings: language, underage drinking, mild sexual tension and content (nothing crazy...yet)
word count: 9.4k
author note: if you would like to be added to the masquerade taglist, fill out this form please!
Two days since the ball. It was two days since the night that changed the course of your life as dramatic as it sounded. But rather than dwell on the fact that your prospective suitor was your sworn enemy, you decided to pretend like nothing happened and continued to move on with your life and try to enjoy the rest of the break.
You had already cried all of your tears over this the night you came back from the ball. When the door had shut behind you, you let all the tears fall and the sobs rake through your body. You weren’t upset, you were frustrated. You were mad at yourself that you didn’t see this coming. Of course, with your luck, on one of the most important nights of your life, you end up connecting with the person you despise the most. Draco had fooled you into believing he was someone he was not. He had tricked you like he had done so many times before; this was just a part of his grand plan, wasn’t it? He just wanted to throw you off track. In a way, you thought it was better you than some innocent other person who didn’t know how sinister he truly was.
But again, rather than dwell on the unfortunate situation, you just moved on. If you pretended like it didn’t happen, then no one who didn’t know of the situation didn’t need to. But this didn’t stop your parents from begging you to tell them what was going on.
There you at in front of the fireplace like you usually were when you were at home, curled up with your book, trying to distract yourself with the words on the parchment rather than the thoughts that circled inside your head. The fire crackled beside you as you sighed, closing your book gently, giving into the thoughts that plagued your head. The largest one being how will he react when you see each other again at school?
Avoiding Draco at school would be quite literally impossible. You were both in the same house, the same year, with the same class schedule. Not to mention, you were both prefects, so you spent too much time together. It was going to be a challenge to avoid him at all costs, but you have never met a challenge you couldn’t conquer.
Before you could open your book up again, your mother stood next to the fireplace, looking at you with worried eyes. “Darling, you haven’t spoken about the ball since it happened,” she tells you as you look away from her gaze and to the roaring fire. The roaring fire was exactly how you felt on the inside. You were in flames; furious at yourself, at Draco, at your parents for making you go. The fire inside you was relentless. “(Y/N),” your mother says, grabbing your attention. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”
Her eyes were begging you to let her in. You wanted to cry in her arms and tell her how you starting falling for an illusion. The fear of being in love with someone you hated for years lived in your chest and mind, making breathing feel tight. But a part of you feared that once you confided in her, she would realize that you had made a connection with another pureblood, powerful wizard. Your family would better from an engagement and eventually a marriage. The thought made your stomach sick and head reel. Bloody hell, Lottie.
You shake your head, “I would rather not talk about it, Mother. I can assure you that I am fine. Just a...misunderstanding...at the ball. That’s all.” You play with the pages of your book as you nervously fidgeted. You knew your mother didn’t buy your excuse, but instead of urging you further she gave you sad look. She hated seeing you upset. Especially if she knows she can help you. “Besides, the ball is over. I’m going back to school soon and I have to prepare for my N.E.W.T.s now if I want to do well.”
Your mother sighs and walks closer to you, kneeling next to you on the floor. “(Y/N),” she breathes. “Whatever happened at the ball that made you upset, I know you will overcome it. But please, if you need someone to talk to, I am here. Always,” she smiles at you.
With a sad smile back, you quietly thank your mother before she rises and makes her way into the kitchen. You stare into the fire, thinking about how things would change when you got back to Hogwarts. Even though your feelings towards Draco remained unchanged, you can’t help but think about how he was feeling about you. Did this only intensify the rivalry between you two? Did he tell anyone about your dance and almost kiss? Were you compromised?
You pushed the thoughts away again before tucking back into your book, fire crackling away until it was just dusty ashes.
------------
Winter break was over and the students of Hogwarts had returned. Everyone feeling refreshed from the break with new energy greeted each other in the halls with smiles and embraces, updating friends on the time away they spent from each other.
As you walked into the Slytherin common room, returning from home, you were greeted with a cheer of girlish screams as your friends all ran to embrace you. You giggled as Daphne wrapped her arms tightly around you, rocking you back and forth before Pansy pushed her off to hug you. “Merlin, I feel like it’s been months since we’ve seen each other,” she hugs as you rub her back.
Being back with your friends, you felt grounded. You had recharged back home and now you were with your closest friends who understood you better than anyone else. Well, besides your mother. The one thing was you didn’t know whether or not you wanted to tell them about the masquerade ball. For starters, it was a touchy subject for you given the circumstances. But also, no matter how close you and Pansy were, she definitely was a gossip compared to Daphne. You were scared that if you told them, it would get around to the school like a wildfire. That would surely be talk of the school.
Daphne dragged you to one of the leather couches in the common room before plopping down next to you, she spoke, “There’s so much to catch up on. I don’t even know where to start...”
You laughed and leaned back into the couch, allowing yourself to relax. But as you did so, the tension flew back into your shoulders and your stomach started to churn. Your head felt like your brain was two sizes too big for your skull, reeling. Your palms started to sweat and your mouth ran dry, heart thumping against your chest.
When you turned away for that split second, you saw him. He walked down from the boy’s dormitory. Zabini had an arm wrapped around his shoulder as they both laughed. Draco jokingly punched Zabini’s side as he laughed. It was like you were watching him in slow motion. His white blonde hair flopped over his forehead as he brushed his fingers through it, calmly and cooly like he always did. His pink lips turned up into a bright smile. And his eyes...how could you forget those eyes. The image of his eyes is something that will be seared in your memory forever. Those grey blue icy eyes of his that could melt you if you let him. But you refused.
As he came out into the common room, his eyes landed on you and your heart stopped. Your eyes staring into his and his into yours. Your brain was on overdrive, too many thoughts screaming in your head as you felt your stomach do flips. You kept telling yourself to look away, but for some reason you couldn’t pull yourself away from his gaze. It was a trance.
Draco quite literally stopped when he saw you sitting on the couch, happy eyes and sweet smile as you were surrounded by your posse. Normally when he saw you, his blood would boil and his adrenaline would start pumping. That all happened again when he saw you, but this time his heart sunk to his stomach. It felt like he shouldn’t be looking at you after what happened at the masquerade ball. The small intimacies you shared with each other, none physical, but you had a connection. It was undeniable. Something happened that night that changed the both of you. But he, and you, were unsure if it was something to follow.
Although the gazes at each other only lasted for maximum of five seconds, it felt like forever. You pulled away first, looking back at Daphne, before you felt a heat rush to your cheeks. You took a deep breath in to calm yourself.
Daphne noticed your physical change and furrowed her brow. She knew something was up. Looking around the room, she finally spotted what caused this. “Ah,” she laughs. “Rivals are well rested after a long break and are back and ready for the next challenge I see,” she teases you as you scoff.
The thing about Daphne was she was friends with both you and Draco. You claimed that Daphne was your friend first, but she says she became friends with you at the same time as she became friends with Draco. Daphne didn’t love the idea of two of her closest friends hating each other, but she dealt with it and tried to remain neutral territory when it came to you two. You knew it was hard for her, but you appreciated her efforts.
“I have to stay on my toes if I want to be number one, Daph,” you tell her as you keep your eyes locked on her, Draco and Blaise passing you. You watched them out of your periphery and you knew that Draco was watching you. It wasn’t unusual for the two of you to watch the other; you were rivals. You would always steal menacing glances or an eye roll or a glare. But when it happened this time around, things felt different. There was something else this time. You couldn’t put your finger on what it was, but there was something there that wasn’t there before. “Anyway,” you breathe. “Are you going to tell me how your break was or are you going to sit there?” you slap Pansy’s leg.
The two girls exchange about their breaks, letting each other know what gifts they received for the holidays and what fun plans they had. You prayed it wouldn’t come up, but it was inevitable. The three of you all came from pureblood Slytherin families. Your families were all invited to the ball and were all in attendance. And so it came up. “Onto more important things,” Pansy smirks. “(Y/N), after midnight, Daphne and I were searching everywhere for you but we couldn’t find you. Where did you go? I thought you told us that you were going?”
You gulp. Oh, Merlin. How should you approach this? “Yeah, I was there,” you tell them. “I just left right after the reveal. My mother wasn’t feeling too well and father wanted to get her home before it got too late. That’s why you didn’t see me,” you explain, wiping your sweaty palms on your skirt. “But did you two find any matches? Anyone catch your eyes?” you divert the attention off of you and onto them. “I thought I saw you, Pans, talking to that Scottish brute,” you wiggled your eyebrows as Daphne teasingly oooohs.
Pansy blushes, “You mean Jamie?” You and Daphne mockingly fan yourselves and repeat his name loudly as Pansy’s cheeks turns a deep red shade. “Oh, stop it, would you?” she exclaims. “He’s very nice. He’s older than us, but a pureblood nonetheless. My parents are quite fond of him.”
Smiling at your friend, you squeeze her hand. “That’s great, Pans. I’m so happy for you. You deserve every happiness,” you tell her and she smiles. “What about you, Daph? Anyone?”
She rolls her eyes, “Bloody hell no. Every bloke I danced with got worse and worse.” You laugh. “My parents were disappointed that I didn’t find anyone, but I guess there’s always next year? Besides, I’m not in any rush to find someone.” She leans back into the couch. “You know who I am curious about though,” she speaks in a hushed tone. Pansy leans forward, excited to receive new gossip. “I saw Malfoy dancing with a bird at the ball. She looked lovely. No clue who she is though. But Draco told me that he had a great night with her, but he doesn’t think anything will come of it.”
Your heart stops. So Draco did tell people about the dance. He told people of you. Well, not you, but your masked you. He had a great night with you? The thought made your heart flutter. Before you realized his identity, you were swooning over him. The night was seemingly perfect, dare you say, before the identity reveals. You bite the inside of your cheek as you think about the ball and how Draco held the small of your back as you waltzed across the ballroom to the beautiful swelling orchestra. How he plucked the rose off the bush and handed it to you with a kind smile. The way he took your chin in between his fingers, titling up gaze up to his. The gesture made your heart thud and you sigh. It was like a fairytale. But it all came crashing down at the stroke of midnight in classic fairytale fashion. There’s always a twist for the princess. How come?
Snapping yourself out of your daydream, you say, “I feel sorry for the poor girl. Malfoy probably crushed her feet under his big, fat ones.” This makes Pansy giggle and Daphne roll her eyes. “Seriously,” you smile. “The stupid git hates dancing, you know he stepped on her toes at least twice!”
Daphne furrows her brows as she lightly laughs, “How did you know he hates dancing?”
Shit.
You have to think quickly. Draco told you he hated dancing when you were at the ball, dancing together. “What idiot boy doesn’t hate slow dancing?” you reply plainly. It was true, most of them did. Daphne shrugs, buying it before returning to a conversation that Pansy was having with her about Jamie.
You relaxed back into the couch, tuning out their conversation and entering your own thoughts. So Draco told Daphne he didn’t want to pursue things with you or the “mystery girl.” That made things easier now, didn’t it? You didn’t have to decide for the both of you. But in a way, you were a little disappointed which surprised you. Even though you would rather hex yourself than be in a relationship with Draco, why didn’t he want to? Was there something unappealing about you? Was it something you said?
The more you sat and thought about it, the more upset you got about it. Why were you upset? You shook your head and thought to yourself, Get your priorities straight, (Y/N). It was one night and it was a mistake. You both realized that. Now get a grip and get to work.
“Alright, enough of that,” you huff, standing up from the couch. “It’s about time I resume my usual position in the library,” you brush off your skirt and grab your bag.
Daphne groans, “Already? (Y/N), we literally just got back and you want to go study now?” You nod your head. “Come on, five more minutes to catch up. We have the rest of the term to study and be cooped up in the library. Let’s just hang out tonight,” she tries to reason with you as Pansy pulls on your arm, trying to get you to sit again.
You laugh at your friends’ antics. You did love being around them and spending time with them, but you couldn’t help but think about how you needed to be two steps in front of the rest of your classmates. Especially Draco. “Tempting as it sounds, excellence waits for no one, girls,” you tell him as they roll their eyes. “Oh come on, it’s not like I won’t see you! We’re all bloody roommates!” you reason with them. “I’ll see you later.”
The three of you blow kisses to each other before you walk out of the common room and down the halls to the library. As you walked, you had a pep in your step. Maybe this masquerade encounter with Draco was exactly what you needed in a weird way. It was just another reason to prove to Draco that you are and will always be better than him. He couldn’t have you as a partner or as a classmate. You will always be on top of him. Wait, no. On top. Geez.
This term was the term you were really going to prove to Draco and to the rest of the school that this rivalry was over. You had won. You were going to be better than him in classes, in grades, in your N.E.W.T.s. Everything. You were going to prove to him that you had it all; the brains, the nerve, the confidence, and the looks. And he couldn’t have you with or with out some stupid black silk mask.
You entered the library and smiled. The Hogwarts library was like home. You have fond memories and not so fond memories from your previous years. Late night study sessions, snack breaks, laughing in the stacks with friends, nervously cramming for a quiz that slipped your mind, pulling at the roots of your hair trying to find the answer to a question, crying over how stressed you were, but eventually Daphne coming into the library with a snack from the kitchen to comfort you. The library was host of so many core memories for you. It made you feel excited, nervous, stressed, and everything in between.
As you walked to your usual table, you placed down your books and journals and looked at your organized schedule. You ran your finger down the page, looking for the titles of the books that you need to grab for this session.
Walking through the stacks made you smile. It reminded you of when you were a first year student, so small in stature as you would look up at the shelves a think about how tall they were. Now, taller you laugh at the thought. It was loopy to think that it was your last year at Hogwarts before you graduated. This place was home for seven years. It was your happy place and you had to say goodbye. You didn’t know how you could say goodbye to something so special, so near and dear to your heart. It would certainly not be easy, but you didn’t need to think about that. You still had a whole term ahead of you.
Plucking books off of their shelves as you spotted them, you continued to weave your way through stacks. As you turned down one, you scanned the shelves for one book in particular. You let your fingers trace the spines of the books as you looked for it. Finally, there it was on the shelf as you smiled. But as you grabbed for it, another pair of hands grabbed it too.
As you turned to the side to see who it was, your eyes widened. The two of you redacted your hands from the book as they touched each other. Draco’s eyes stared into yours as you stared right back. Your heart beat against your chest hard, thumping. It didn’t take you long to snap yourself out of it and realize who exactly this boy was. With a scoff, you reach for the book again, him going back for it as well. “Give it to me, Malfoy,” you say through gritted teeth. “I’m sure you can look along with Crabbe and Goyle. Certain they make excellent study partners,” you sneer.
Draco rolls his eyes, “I need my own copy.”
You pull on the book so it’s in your hands. “Too bad this is the last one and I need it. So screw your own copy and look along with your study buddies,” you try to walk away.
Before you take one step away, you feel his hands grab the book. But instead of ripping it out of your hands, he tugs on it which makes you spin back and crash into his chest. You land with a little oof and then you realize the position you are in. Chests pressed up against each other, faces inches away. Before you can process what’s going on, he steals the book from your hands with a smirk. “How about you go find someone who cares that it’s the last copy?” he speaks taking three steps back.
You groan and lunge for the book as he holds it above his head, arm extended. Malfoy chuckles as you jump for the book. Then you think. Work smarter, not harder. With a smirk, you lift up your foot and stomp on Draco's shiny leather loafer. He groans in pain, dropping the book as you scoop it up.
You contently smile and walk the other way down the stacks. You walk quickly away from Draco as you hear his approaching footsteps. You duck into another stack towards the back of the library. “Not so fast, (Y/L/N),” he speaks as you dart down the stacks, trying to get away from him.
Suddenly, there’s a dead end. You are face to face with a wall. “Shit,” you huff as you flip around, face to face with Draco now, feet apart.
He stands there with a shit eating smirk on his face. “Give me the book,” he speaks simply.
“Make me,” you bite back. You see Draco swallow hard before taking slow steps towards you. Your eyes widen, not knowing what the hell he was going to do. You don’t take a step backward. You were going to stand your ground. Poor boy wanted his own book? He could cry about it for all you could care. You needed this book meanwhile two other guys at his table had the book and he could look on with them.
As he approaches, you take a step to the left and he mimics your movements. Step to the right. Step back to the left. You laugh, “I thought you hated dancing, Malfoy.” This makes him clam up as you bring up the statement he had told you at the masquerade ball before you had removed your masks and revealed yourselves to each other. He gulps hard as you laugh at how he reacts. “Oh, wait, right, I forgot,” you smile walking over to him with a smirk on your lips, eyes burning into his icy ones, melting him under your gaze. You lean in and whisper in his ear as seductively as you can, “I made dancing more tolerable for you, don’t I?”
Pulling away, you watch Draco’s face. His jaw is locked and his eyes are fixated on yours. You watch as his pupils dilate, making his eyes darker. You feel your heart rate accelerate as you lightly gulp, eyes darting between his eyes and his lips. Your mind is screaming for you to get out of there and finish your work, what you came here to do. But your feet are glued to the ground.
Within seconds, you feel Draco’s hand on yours that holds the book. And then all of a sudden, you are pushed up agains the bookcase, your spine pressing into the spines of books. You gasp as he does so, a hint of a smile on his lips as you do so. You are frozen. Draco takes your hand that holds the book and pins it above your head with one of his. Your eyes don’t leave his, staring into them.
As you stare at him, the memories of the ball flood your mind. How his eyes stared so intensely into yours as you danced. How his eyes squinted when he laughed at your jokes. How his hand held yours in his so tenderly as if to not break it. How his skin felt when he brushed your cheek in the garden. How just a look could make your heart race, blood boil, stomach churn, and head reel. How could one boy make you feel all of this.
Your thoughts are interrupted when he plucks the book out of your hand with one swift motion, eyes still glued to yours. With his other hand, he allows a finger to trace down your palm and down your forearm before brushing your cheek. “I only danced with you,” he whispers hot against your face, inches away from each other. “Don’t let that go to your head. Lots of girls would kill to be in your position,” he speaks as he looks at how he has you, pushed up against the bookcase, right where he wants you. Your body pressed up against the bookshelf, his body close to yours, hips just grazing each other. “The book is mine, darling. Maybe when Crabbe is done, you can have his.”
And with that, he leaves down the stacks, disappearing back to his table. You are left there, panting and breathless, hand still above your head. Slowly, you peel yourself off from the bookcase and just try to process what the hell just happened. “Bloody fucking prick,” you growl to yourself as you walk down the stacks.
It was one thing when you brought up the ball to him in that manner. It was harmless. Tame. But what he did? That was uncalled for. That was...
No, no, that was wrong. You were not going to let Draco Malfoy get away with that. Absolutely not. You straighten out your skirt and walk back to where Crabbe, Goyle, and Malfoy all sit in the library. Draco looks up from his book and sees you walking over. He shakes his head with a smirk as you glare at him. “If you can’t look along with one of these numbskulls,” you speak as you grab Goyle’s book, “then maybe they can look along with you. Happy studying, boys.” You smile to Crabbe and Goyle who are very confused as Draco rolls his eyes.
You turn around and walk to your table, knowing damn well that their eyes are watching you walk away. You smirk to yourself, knowing that Malfoy is burning holes into the back of your head. But you let him look.
---------------
After studying for some time in the library, you make your way back to your dormitory, yawning. The day was definitely long with your traveling back to school, unpacking, seeing your friends, studying, your little interaction with Draco...
You make your way up the stairs, dragging your feet behind you as lug your bag up the stairs and to your room. You push the door open to be greeted by Pansy and Daphne who sit on Daphne’s bed, chatting and laughing, eating some sweets from Honeydukes. “Look whose decided to join the party!” Pansy exclaims as you yawn. “Don’t tell me you’re going to bed. (Y/N), come on!”
You start taking off your uniform and change into your comfortable pajama pants and a old, oversized t-shirt. “I’ll stay up a little while longer,” you smile at Pansy who claps her hands. You walk over to Daphne’s bed and plop down on it. Pansy pulls you into her lap as she plays with your hair before asking if she can braid it as you nod.
Daphne smiles, “How much studying did you get done?”
Sighing, you think. “I finished the assignments for this week’s classes. But none of the write ups yet. I studied for DADA and Potions, but not much else. Some light work,” you shrug.
Pansy cackles. “Light work?” she exclaims. “What you do in one night is what I do in two weeks!”
The three of you laugh as you lay on the bed, enjoying each other’s company. “But I wanna know how everyone’s day was,” you insist before an idea pops into your head. You sit up to look at your two friends. “I learned something recently. Let’s do Rose, Bud, Thorn!” you exclaim as Pansy furrows her brows and Daphne tilts her head. “You tell everyone a good part about your day, a bad part, and something that you are looking forward to. I’ll start so you get the gist,” you smile as your friends shake their heads at your excitement. “So my Rose was getting to see you guys again after break,” you beam as Pansy squeezes your arm. “My thorn...” you think before the library flashes in your mind and how Draco pushed you up against the bookcase plays over in your head. Not necessarily a thorn, but definitely unexpected...You snap yourself out and clear your throat. “...was seeing Malfoy in the library as I was trying to have an enjoyable night...and my bud is getting back to normal tomorrow! Daph, you’re next.”
She rolls her eyes. “Only you would be excited over starting classes again,” she huffs as you shrug. “Okay...my rose was getting this huge box of sweets from my parents whilst you were in the library,” she laughs as you look at the enormous box. “My thorn is the stomach ache that I’m getting for eating too many chocolate frogs,” she confesses. “And my bud is getting a goodnights sleep. Pans?”
Pansy sighs, “Okay, well, my rose...” she giggles. “...I just got an owl from Jamie not too long ago with a letter from him.” You and Daphne oooh as Pansy blushes. “And my bud is getting to read it in the privacy of an empty common room after curfew,” she laughs as she gets off the bed and makes her way to the door.
“But what about your thorn!” Daphne calls out as Pansy opens the door.
Pansy calls back, “I don’t have one! I’ll be back up soon!”
You and Daphne just took at each other and shake your heads at Pansy. “She’s ridiculous,” you chuckle. “But I’m happy that she found someone at the ball that she cares for,” you tell Daphne as you play with the hem of your shirt. If only the same came to you.
Daphne looks at you in the eyes, knowingly and raises her brow. You furrow your eyebrows in confusion at why she was making this face. This face was reserved for when Daphne was calling you out on something or calling your bluff. But you were serious. You were happy for Pansy, how could you not be? She had always been pining over guys and you were happy that she had found someone. “What?” you laugh nervously. “Why are you giving me that look?” She looks at you again, waiting for you to confess to something you did know. “Daph, I’m clueless. What’s up?”
She sighs and speaks plainly. “I know you were at the ball, (Y/N), and I know you danced with Draco.”
Your heart stops and your eyes widen. You open your mouth to say something, to defend yourself, but you can’t. You just stutter a little bit before sighing. Daphne gives you a sympathetic smile. “How?” you ask.
“My mother saw you at the ball with your parents just before you left. She said you were wearing your mother’s mask from when she met your father,” she smiles at you as you sigh, defeated. People were bound to figure it out soon enough and you were glad that Daphne was first to know. She would take this to the grave. “Besides that, the common room this morning, you two staring at each other, you knowing that he hates dancing, and then just now. The only other person I know who plays Rose, Bud, Thorn is Draco. He taught you, didn’t he?” she asks as you nod. She smiles sweetly. “Your secret is safe with me,” she tells you as let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding in as you squeeze her hand, silently thanking her. “But...maybe this was a good thing, (Y/N). Maybe it was another force letting you know that this might be a good partnership for you rather than a rivalry.”
Her words make you freeze and shut down. A good thing? The only good thing that came of this was more motivation to defeat Draco in every task. “Daph, we’ve been enemies since I stepped foot into Hogwarts. Our families have been rivals since the dawn of time. If anything, it’s illogical. It wouldn’t make sense for the two of us to be together. It would simply add wood to the fire,” you defend. It proposition for you and Draco to be together was preposterous. You couldn’t believe what Daphne was suggesting.
Daphne sighed, knowing that the suggestion was silly, but it was worth a shot. Love was not in the cards with you both regardless if you felt something that night at the ball. And in the library...it was beside the point. Draco was someone that you never wished to associate yourself with. The ball was a slip-up, a mistake, an accident. Nothing would ever happen between you two. You were going to make sure of it.
Daphne gives you a sad smile. “I understand,” she spoke. “I’m sorry, (Y/N).”
“It’s not your fault, Daphne,” you squeeze her hands. “I know it’s difficult being friends with both Draco and I sometimes, but you have to know how much I appreciate you always being there for me.”
Daphne says, “Of course, (Y/N). You’ve always been there for me and it’s only right that I do the same.”
-------------------
As you pack your things to leave Defense Against the Dark Arts, you start to think about all of the work you needed to start in the library. Book to read, notes to take, study guides to prepare. You groaned at the thought of the amount of work you had to, and on a Friday of all days. You knew that a party was bound to happen tonight in one of the common rooms. It was the first Friday of the term since the break and people wanted a way to relax. A party is just what everyone needed. It was just a matter of who was going to throw it.
You walk out of the classroom as Pansy links her arms with you and Daphne as she sing-songs, “Friday night!” You shake your head as Daphne laughs. “First night out since first term, we have to go to a party tonight. No excuses, no options.”
Pansy looks at you as she says the last words, knowing that you would fabricate some excuse to get out of the party and use the time to study. You didn’t study every weekend, but when you saw the opportunity to get ahead, you took it. Yes, it did mean that you missed out on some absolute bangers of parties, but in the end, you convinced yourself that it was worth it since you were one of the brightest in your class.
“I’ve got a lot of work on my plate, Pansy, I don’t know if a party is in the cards for me tonight,” you shrug as Pansy throws her head back and groans.
Daphne leans over to look at you as you walk. “Can’t you push it off until tomorrow? It’s the first weekend of term. Surely you want to celebrate with us?” she shimmies her shoulders.
But before you can open up your mouth to speak, you are spoken for. A voice speaks from behind you and the moment you hear it you know it’s him. Who else. “No, (Y/N) has too much parchment up her ass to have fun. She’ll spend her night alone in the library like she usually does,” Draco spits as you flip around in the middle of the hallway.
When your eyes meet, you glare at him, burning into his as his eyes stare back at you. He smirks as he walks towards you and your friends, you folding your arms in front of your chest. You knew that the library incident from earlier this week only put fuel on the fire. He was doing this to push your buttons. It was certainly working, but you weren’t going to let him know that.
You take a step forward and suck on your teeth as Draco approaches. “Oh, pardon me, I forgot. I actually get good marks because I work hard. Not because my daddy scares the professors into giving me good ones,” you retort as Draco scoffs. “It’s called work ethic.”
Draco is quick to jump on a comeback, saying, “No, darling, it’s called being uptight.” Your stomach churns at the nickname he used, reminding you of when he first called you that at the ball. You taste bile in your mouth as you gulp it down. “I will bet that I you will be in that library until the wee hours of the morning. Won’t you? Instead of having fun or getting laid like the rest of us, you’ll be cooped up with a silly book, probably next to Granger. What a match you two are. Too pathetic to have fun.”
His words made your skin crawl with rage and your fist tighten. You wanted to smack the smug smile on his face as Crabbe and Goyle chuckle behind him. You wanted to scream about how disgusting and vile he was, how the sight of him made you want to vomit. You feel Daphne pull on your arm, telling you to go, but you ignore her. “The only thing that’s pathetic is your lack of ability to find a poor girl who actually wants to be around you,” you speak through gritted teeth.
This one stung. And you knew it did. Draco’s eyes lightly widened as you delivered the blow as you let out a breathy chuckle at his reaction. You knew it was cold, but it’s what he deserved. Draco was a beast and you knew exactly what to do to tame him. But you weren’t done. You weren’t going to let yourself be embarrassed in front of your housemates and other on looking students.
Taking one more step further, you speak, “And actually, maybe I won’t find myself in the library tonight. Maybe...” you look at Daphne and Pansy with a little smile dancing on your lips, “...I’ll be the one to the throw tonight’s party. Slytherin common room. I’ll get it all ready and inform people. Fifth years and up only. I don’t want any children. So, unfortunately, Draco that rules you out.”
With a swift turn, you walk back to Pansy and Daphne who wear proud smiles on their faces. Before Draco can protest, you start to strut down the hall, not caring a bit about what he had to say. If Draco thought that you were too uptight to have fun, you were going to prove him wrong. He thought he could have more fun than you could? Yeah, right.
But what if that was his plan? To get you distracted from your studies. So you didn’t do work tonight and that threw you off for the rest of the week. Was it all part of some elaborate scheme? He was sneaky like that. But it was too late. You had already said you would host the party which meant finding music, getting food and drinks, and making sure people knew about the party and the password to enter the common room.
Oh, tonight would be interesting.
---------------
You are frantically pacing in your room, checklist in hand as you tick things off. You tick off guest list and sharing the password to the common room. You tick off food. You and a couple of Slytherins managed to sneak into the kitchens and grab some food with the help of some house elves, sneaking snacks and such into the common room. And lastly, you tick off drinks. You had managed to convince Theodore Nott to run out to go get fire whiskey for the night in exchange for doing his Potion’s homework for the week. No big deal, easy trade.
Pansy laughed as she watched you nervously pace around as she coated her lashes in thick mascara. “Relax, babes,” she laughs. “Tonight is supposed to be fun. You need it more than any of us. Take a load off. Unwind. Have fun. Alright?” she says as you exhale and smile. She was right. Parties were supposed to be fun, not stressful. “Now, let’s pick out an outfit for you, shall we?”
She gets up and raids your trunk, looking for something for you to wear. You sit on your bed and look at Daphne with eyes that scream help as Daphne laughs, brushing through her beautiful hair.
Pansy gasps as she finds a top deep in the trunk. A simple white cropped tank top that you hadn’t wore since year five when you got sick at Hogsmeade. You shiver at the memory. You thought that top brought you bad luck, even though it was your boobs look fantastic. “You haven’t worn this in ages!” she exclaims. You shake your head. If you wore the top, you wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about the time you got sick. She groans, “Ugh! Fine. But if you won’t wear it again, I’ll take it.” She continues to dig through the trunk when she comes across a top you haven’t seen in a while. It was a sage green collared crop top that you and Daphne had picked out when you had gone shopping a few years ago. You smiled at the memory fondly. That was a great day. “What about this one? I think it’s nice. I have a pair of jeans you could wear with it!”
You nod your head as you start to change into outfit that Pansy constructed for you. You had to admit, it looked great. The green top had fit you perfectly, highlighting your figure. Pansy’s jeans fit great as you looked at your bum in the mirror. Pansy teasingly slaps it as you laugh. “Not too bad, Parkinson,” you tease her as she flips her hair.
“I know,” she mocks. “Now, let’s hurry up! I want to dance!”
With a few last touches of mascara and gloss and stealing another glance in the mirror, the three of you make your way into the common room. Only a few people are there, mostly the people who had agreed to help you set up. “Alright,” you beam. “Nott, set up the drinks over there on the table with cups. Daph and Pans, the food should be next to the drinks. Zabini, I trust you have good music,” you instruct as Zabini gives you a wink.
Soon enough, the common room filled up with people and your anxiety grew a little. You ran over to Pansy who was chatting with a few other Slytherins, sipping occasionally from her plastic cup. “Pans, do you think people are having fun?” you fiddle with your fingers as you watch people around the room, bodies dancing, people laughing, drinking, and eating.
Pansy rolls her eyes, “Merlin’s sake, (Y/N), the only person who you need to worry about having fun is you.” She grabs your hand with a mischievous smirk and drags you to the drinks. Before you can protest, she instructs, “Goyle! Pour (Y/N) a shot...make that two!”
You groan, “Pansy, come on.”
She hands you two shots of fire whiskey as she giggles. “Just have a little. It’ll loosen you up. Not to mention, it’s a bit of liquid confidence. Make you dance a little better. Flirt a little better...” she teases as you shake your head. “Come on! Shots! Shots! Shots!” she starts chanting as people join, a chorus chanting for you to throw back the two shots in your hands.
With a defeated sigh and a smile, you lift up the shots and cheers to the party before throwing them both back, the party cheering as you do so. The whiskey burned your throat, but warmed your chest in all the right places. You squint your eyes shut at the sensation and shook your head. “Bleh,” you stick out your tongue as Pansy drags you to the dance floor. “You’re lucky I’m a nice person, Parkinson.”
Some time passes and you find yourself a few more shots in to be tipsy, but not drunk. You dance in the common room with your friends, smiling and laughing along to the music. This was just what you needed. Time to loosen up and forget about your obligations for once. Push assignments out of your head, exams, and Draco.
But of course, wherever you are, he’s close behind. Fashionably late to parties as usual, Draco walks into the common room as music booms and people laugh and chatter. He wore black jeans and a white button down, a few buttons undone. Draco ran fingers through his hair as he scanned the room, looking for something or someone. Your gaze didn’t shift from him as you danced next to Daphne.
Then his eyes meet yours and he stops. For a moment, you just stare at each other before a smirk appears on his face as you gulp. You feel heat rising to your cheeks. Draco’s eyes graze all over your body, the gesture making you feel bare naked when you were fully clothed. Your heart raced as his eyes met yours again. He shook his head with a small smile before mouthing, “Library full?”
That’s when the rage takes over and you give him the finger and make a disgusted face at him before looking at Daphne who watches your changing expression. “Draco,” you tell her as she nods.
“Forget about him. Tonight, we have fun and not worry about him. Come on,” Daphne grabs your hand and spins you around as you laugh. The two of you dance around to the upbeat music, spinning the other around, jokingly grinding on each other as you know boys stare with their mouths open. You could care less, you were having fun with your best friend. “Let’s grab a drink,” she whispers in your ear over the music as you nod.
You make your way over to the drinks, Daphne pouring shots out. As you wait for a shot, you feel a body next to you.
Looking at them, you roll your eyes. “You follow me fucking everywhere, Malfoy,” you groan. “Don’t you have anything better to do than being my stalker?”
Draco ignores your comment and looks over to Daphne who hands him a shot. She sends him a wink as he nods. “Maybe if you shut your big mouth for a moment, you’d hear what I have to say, (Y/L/N),” Draco speaks as you scoff. “A toast. To none of us being stuck in that damned library tonight,” he offers.
A peace offering? From Malfoy? This seemed too good to be true. But honestly, you were willing to take the risk. You could use a bit of kindness from him after everything that’s happened.
Sighing, you raise your shot glass to his and take the shot, the liquid running hot down your throat as you cough a little bit. You look at Draco who is still watching you before he takes his shot and looks at you again with a small smile. “Enjoy the party,” he speaks before dashing off to go join Zabini who speaks to a few girls who obnoxiously flirt with him. Draco joining to get some action as well.
You scoff and turn to Daphne. “What in the hell was that about?”
She shakes her head. “Ignore it,” she instructs. “Let’s keep dancing.”
More time passes and you are still tipsy, but giggly nonetheless, mostly because of how much fun you were having rather than the alcohol. You hadn’t had this much fun in a while as you swayed your hips to the music, dancing with your friends. Your hair was now tied up in a ponytail as your face was dewy with sweat.
Almost everyone was dancing or interacting with each other in some way. The party was bumping and everyone was enjoying themselves. People kept on coming up to you and telling you how great it was. Regardless of their houses, people were loving interacting with each other and catching up. It all felt like old times for a moment. Everyone happy and having fun with each other no matter what their house was. It made you smile.
You continued to dance as your eyes scanned the crowd of people around you. For some reason, your mind kept wandering on about Draco and where was and what he was doing. His little comment before by the drinks confused you. Was it a peace offering? Was it sarcastic? What was going on inside that boy’s head?
Scanning the dance floor, that’s when you spot him. You see his blonde hair and his tall boy sway to the music. You smile softly to yourself when you see him. But it quickly subsides when you see what’s going on.
On the other side of the dance floor, Draco’s front side is pressed against Tracy Davis as he grinds against her. Your heart drops and your blood boils. Draco holds onto her hips as he grinds his hips against her backside as he bites back a smirk, dancing against her. Your blood is boiling for some reason at the sight.
You shake your head. You weren’t supposed to care about what he was doing. Tonight was about you having fun, not you worrying about where Draco was and what he was doing and who he was with. This was about you.
But you can’t stop watching him. The way his hands grip her hips. The way his hips sway to the music. The way his lips whisper something in her ear as she giggles, flipping her brown hair. The way he smirks when his eyes meeting yours that stare at him.
You can’t pull your gaze from his. You are locked in on him. And his one yours. But he doesn’t stop dancing against Tracy. They grind against each other as Draco smirks and moves his hips against Tracy’s backside before flipping her around and rocking his pelvis against hers, still not breaking eye contact with you.
This was wrong. All of it. You watching him. You feeling this way. Your cheeks becoming beet red. This was horrific. And yet you continued to watch him and him you.
This was a challenge now. And you weren’t backing down. A smirk forms on your glossed lips. With a few steps, you walk over to Theodore Nott is and grab his hand. You smirk at him and bite your lip, pulling him to the dance floor as he smiles. “What do you think you’re doing?” he teasingly wiggles his eyebrows.
“Having fun,” you respond simply, eyes raking up and down his body. You knew that when you wanted to, you could pull anyone you wanted. You had this confident and cool air that just made you intoxicating. “Dance with me.” Immediately, you’re pressed against Theodore, grinding against each other as he grabs your hips, guiding them in slow motions as you bite your lip. You hold onto his biceps as you dance against him. He leans over and whispers in your ear, “Geez, (Y/N), I didn’t know you were like this.”
You look over to where Draco is as his previous smirk drops as he watches you dance against Theodore, your hands on his as they grip on your hips, backside pressed against him, swaying back and forth. Without breaking eye contact with Draco, you reply to Nott, “I’m full of surprises.”
Draco stops dancing against Tracy and you can see him tense up. He gulps hard as he watches you continuing to dance against Theodore. You smiled, knowing that you had won. You just drop your left eye in a wink and that’s what sends Draco off of the dance floor and to the stairs.
You smile in victory as you gently stop dancing against Theodore, now that you’ve gotten what you wanted. “Thanks for the dance,” you smile at him as he drops his eye in a wink before leaving the dance floor.
You turn to where your friends are, seeing them dance around and singing along to the music. You want to join them, but a part of you is screaming to go find Draco. Weirdly, you felt bad. Maybe you shouldn’t have dance with Theodore. Sure, he was cute, but where you leading him on? Did you make Draco jealous?
Why would Draco be jealous? There was nothing to be jealous about.
And that’s what sends you to the stairs as you find Draco sulking by them, pacing back and forth. He looks up and sees you and just scoffs, “I thought you were the host of this party? You’re supposed to stay with the group.”
“And I thought you hated dancing,” you retort, looking at Draco with your arms crossed.
A small smirk appears on Draco’s face again as he descends a few stairs to meet you halfway. “(Y/L/N), were you jealous of me dancing with Davis?” he asks, folding his arms.
You scoff and roll your eyes. Maybe you were a little bit, but there was no way Draco was going to get that piece of information. “Absolutely not,” you state as Draco sarcastically nods. “Why? Were you trying to make me jealous?” you ask, raising your brows.
Draco laughs, “Why would I want to make you jealous?” You just stare at him, biting the inside of your cheek, controlling yourself. “Tracy Davis is hot. Nice arse.”
“You’re pathetic, Malfoy,” you spit at him.
Before you can leave him in the stairs, Draco stops you. “What about that stunt you pulled with Nott?” he asks.
You turn around, now your turn to laugh, “Ohhh, were you jealous of me dancing with Theodore?” Draco just tenses his jaw and gulps. You take a step toward him, testing the waters. “Admit it, you’re a pathetic, jealous son of a bitch.”
Draco says through gritted teeth, “Fuck off, would you?”
You smile, knowing you’re getting the best of him. His icy eyes stare into your fiery ones, battling each other. “Accept defeat, Malfoy,” you speak. “You’re just gonna have to live with the fact that I will always get the best of you.”
He chuckles, “And you’re just gonna have to live with the fact that you’re attracted to me and there’s nothing you can do about it.” You clench your fists. “You can’t get me out of your mind and you hate yourself for it.”
His words take you back. Your eyes widen and your mouth falls agape as you scoff. Draco smirks. The two of you are less than a foot away now, little steps drawing you closer and closer. There is electricity between the two of you and it was palpable.
“I fucking hate you,” you sneer at him.
He laughs, “I fucking hate you. I always have and I always will.”
“Is that a promise?” you ask, smiling sarcastically at him.
The two of you just glare at each other, inches away from the other, heavily breathing, chests rising and falling with the amount of pent up anger you both hold. Draco’s eyes dart between your eyes and then looking at your lips. Your heart stops for a moment as you stare at his, just watching his lips.
It all felt like when you were in the rose garden at the ball. When he looked in your eyes and then at your lips. That instance being more gentle and kind, this instance full of passion and rage building in your chests.
Draco’s eyes dart back to your eyes as you look up at him, still heavily breathing. His eyes search yours for a moment as if he’s looking for something.
Before anything else can happen, he has you pushed up against the brick wall and his lips are slammed against yours as you tangle your fingers in his hair, lips feverishly kissing his.
This would change everything.
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Lets talk about Korra (again)
i already made this analysis, and it was well received but i dont know, i wanna do it again. Why not right? My english is better now than was when i made that analysis so i think this one will be better written
What a way to introduce a protagonist. This line and this scene tell us everything we need to know about Korra at that time and everything she knew about herself.
In book one Korra is a 17′s old teenager who have no idea how the world, how life is outside the training center she grew up in and had been locked up since ever. So she is not only naive but have lack of social skills
Oh, and not everyone who lack’s social skills will act like Zuko and Azula okay? Korra can be confident, expressive and outgoing and still have problems when it comes to social skills.One thing dont exclude the other.
“I’m the Avatar and you gotta deal with it” did you guys notice that only for that line we can see the entire opposite on how she treat her role as avatar in comparisson with Aang? And im not here to judge because is two very different contexts.
As far as we know, Korra grew up without friends or romantic partners. Of course, she had her training partners but i believe that they are just that.
So her entarely perception of herself was around her duty as Avatar, she didnt have personal life, she barely was Korra...She was The avatar and thats that.
So she came to Republic City, it was a mess.
Its funny to see that she have no touch when it comes to simply talk to people, i guess when you grew up away from society, this happens. And yes, she is cocky and had to learn that people arent there to somewhat please her, and she learned that quicky.
Thats why the Pro Bending was important for her character, not only for training but also as means of socilization.
Now lets talk about the villains: Amon and Tarrlok
The two of them represents two differents threats to Korra. Amon represents a threat to her duty as Avatar while Tarrlok represents a threat to Korra as a person.
In episode 4 we have what i still thinks is the darker episode from TLOK. In this episode Amon ambushes Korra in the final moments... Even knowing that they did their best to make Amon’s power and control be non-sexualized as possible still...He have her down on her knews, totally helpless and he even invades Korra’s personal space by touching in her face forcing her to look at him. He didn't have to sexually touch her to violate her.
And right after, the fear in Tenzin voice when asking what happened after seeing her laying in the ground like that, and how Korra is sobing in his arms teeling him how powerless and helpless she felt. I mean...Oh, and she keeps terryfied by him until he takes her bending.
Tarrlok in the other hand doesnt do much different from his brother and started to harass Korra because he cant take ‘no’ as a answer when Korra didnt wanted to join his task force.
Whats interesting is that if it wasnt for Tarrlok harassement and maniputation, Korra wouldnt have joined his task force and wouldnt have confronted Amon and wouldn't have gone through that terrible encounter.
The thing is that Korra is caught right in the middle of a politcal power dispute over the city, something that she for sure wasnt prepare for it. And both Amon and Tarrlok woud hurt or kill her without think twice about it if that means gain power. And that was exacly what happened
Tarrlok tried to manipulate her and keep her on leash where he could, and when his tatics didnt worked anymore he alreay had a plan B. Yes that whole metal box in that cabin in the middle of nowhere was made especifically for her and maybe Tenzin if he also get in his way.
In the end Korra lost the physical battle against both but won the ethical battle also against both. She was the responsable for expose both of them as corrupted and hypocrites. But at what price? Amon was able to remove the bends of the Avatar. And without them, how could she be the Avatar?
Remember that her entirely conception of herself was built around her duty as Avatar, be the avatar. After all, everything she was, everything she'd trained so hard for, had been destroyed in minutes. Thats why i still strongly believe that she was thinking about killing herself at the end, nobodys goes all sad and crying to in front of a clifft without thinking about jumping from it.
But she, i think given up the idea and just sit and started to crying when Aang appeared and help her, giving her bendings back in one of the best scenes of the show. So after have everything solve and still managed to get the boy she was in love with, things where great and she “move on”
In that first half, Korra is unbearable. Everything she learned in Book 1 how to be more mature, less spoiled and all, was thrown in the trash and she was the same "child" of the book one only worse.
Until I stopped and realized that I was also unbearable and childish like this when I had my bad phases of anxiety and depression, as defense mechanism and keep people away. Returning to Korra, and if this way of acting of her was nothing more than this defense mechanism?
Because guess what, i dont think she “move on” from all that happened in Book One that fast, and for add more drama she discovered that was her father idea of keeping her locked up training in that training center we saw in book one and not traveling like avatars before her. No wonder she felt betrayed. And for adding even more drama, people still keep treating her like child, so she was despered for some validation. Something that she found in her uncles arms but she was betrayed by him after.
In the end, Korra again goes through a traumatic experience when she has her connection with past lives destroyed. We see how it affected her when she apologizes to Tenzin, through tears. And Tenzin, as the excellent master he is, tries to motivate her to face Vaatu again (now merged with Unalaq, her uncle) and again she saves the day even after go throught a traumatic event
In the final moments, we see the innocent decision to reconnect the world of spirits and the world of men. And we also see Korra and Mako permanently end their turbulent relationship.
Book 3 begins in a more mature, we see all the characters being presented in a more mature way and it seems that Korra now has overcome everything that has passed. We have the relationship between Korra and Asami deepening as well
In Book 3, called "Change" we have a great sacrifice from Korra. Her life goes down a notch when she decides to save the new airbenders from Zaheer and the Red Lotus, the only villain until now that really threat her life since their sole goal was to kill the avatar.
Korra won again but this time victory costed way too much. Yes she save the day again but now she was physically and psychologically defeated. It was too much, she broke.
Book 4 begins and we only saw Korra in the final minutes and she is unrecognizable. We see that, once proud and courageous avatar, in someone depressed and cowerd. We never have saw Korra like that, even when she was afraid of Amon she wasnt like that.
Korra is afraid of being the Avatar again and her fight against PTSD is still one of the most sensitive, responsable and honest representation of Mentall Issues that i saw, and it was before this subject gain more space on media. It was before people started to give attention to this
I also think that she was having flashs from her other fights and not only the one against Zaheer.
Another thing I think is worth mention is that Korra took 3 years to feel safer and re-embrace her duties as Avatar. It was not 3 weeks or 3 months, it was 3 years. And anyone who suffers from some mental illness knows very well the stigma that is, the fight that is, because everyone wants you to be well faster as possible when the truth is that many times you spend years fighting against this. And this is a pressure that falls on you.Imagine, seeing all your friends moving forward while you continue "stock in the same place"?
Only after Korra confronts Zaheer, I think that was a way to show her coping with the trauma, she improves to the point of returning to be the great Avatar we know. I personally still struggles with this scene because put the victim in front of her agressor may not be the best idea but i understand that she needed to see that he was just a man and not the invencible monster her mind was telling her
One of the lines that stuck with me the most was in the TLOK version of the ember island players, the one that made a recap of the show before the finale. When Korra said “I was so naive” just before we watch her narration of her journey, we can feel pain, sadness and strenght. Janet was amazing in the way the delivered this line.
And this fucking quote i saw here on tumblr still is the goat: “The Last Airbender is a story of a boy who becomes a god. The Legend of Korra is the story of a goddess who becomes a girl "
And I still get really pissed when someone comes to talk shit about Korra because she is such an incredible heroine and her journey is also so incredible.
The story of how life can be hard and unfair, how it can hurt and paralyze, but there is always a reason to move on. We should always move on.
Korra is definitely not weak, quite the opposite, she is one of the if not the strongest heroine I have ever seen. Korra inspires overcoming
#korrasami#avatar korra#asami sato#mako#tenzin#bolin#lin beifong#su beifong#kuvira#zaheer#amon#unalaq#tarrlok#the legendd of korra#legend of korra#tlok#lets talk about#avatar
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The Black family / Walburga Black / canon.
As I said before I do not care that much about canon/fanon/headcanon because transformative works by definition include a wide variety of different interpretations. However, I am forever perplexed when I see uncompromising opinions on the Black family - particularly the unwavering certainty that Sirius Black’s parents were psychotic abusers. All personal opinions aside - why is this so popular?
I mean - it’s absolutely ok to headcanon this version and to play with it - but saying 'don’t you dare say they did not physically and emotionally abuse Sirius' is a little strong, isn’t it?
This is a mystery to me. So…let’s discuss my favourite subject…Again.
Let’s stick to the facts. The frequently cited things proving the abuse in the Black family are as follows:
Sirius said his parents were awful maniacs (pureblood ideology)
he ran away from home
he was severely depressed in OoTP
Kreacher
Portrait
So…when you say that Sirius’s parents were abusive…you mean exactly what? These people got cold feet when they saw the real nature of Voldemort - I guess it somehow implies that they did not share his methods…that they were against violence as a tool to get purebloods in charge.
But then it usually goes this way: ‘well at least he was verbally and emotionally abused by his family’ - but is it so? Is this based on the portrait of Sirius's mother? She insulted strangers who took over her house and her runaway son - how does this prove anything about how Sirius and Regulus were raised and treated when they were kids? I agree it’s rather impolite - jkr did a good job showing how purebloods perceived others ( those below them) -but in all honesty, this has very little to do with Sirius and his childhood.
Why to make Sirius a victim at all? - c’mon he was tougher than this, he spent 12 years in Azkaban; are you actually saying that a portrait throwing insults at everyone is worse? I doubt that. And is it such a surprise that a mother who lost her son (that said son actually ran away and abandoned his duty) would be that furious at him when seeing him again...even if it’s only a portrait...I believe it to be a rather unpleasant experience for a parent when a child runs away.
We already talked about the portrait a lot - I don’t even want to mention it here- - I feel we should rather pay more attention to the fact that Sirius himself was not an angel.
I am not saying the colourful vocabulary of Walburga Black should be used…but Sirius himself upon seeing Snape immediately recognised his weakness and went for it without any hesitation …we are talking about Sirius who in fact was quite a renowned bully ( I mean - we know for a fact that from time to time Sirius and James got carried away)…
And it was Sirius who sent Snape to meet and chat with a real werewolf (yes, I agree - he was not thinking this through - he probably was just vexed and fed up with Snape and thought he wouldn’t go there, would get cold feet or idk run away…But it actually changes nothing. If a drunken driver hits someone it will be 100% his fault whether he means it or not. Whether he is in a fragile mental state or not - such situations are definite. It’s the same with Sirius - even if he did not mean anything bad he should have understood the cost of his mistake - all teenagers make silly things but not all of them send their classmate to meet a werewolf - James thought it not a very good idea as I recall… -
So we see that Sirius was not an angel from the start and I can hardly believe he was a victim by nature. His behaviour loudly manifested that he used to get what he wanted with no thought of the consequences.
And all those pictures of bikini-clad girls on the walls in his room prove that he was quite a spoiled boy who had nothing to fear from mum and dad. Harry himself noticed «Sirius seemed to have gone out of his way to annoy his parents». All this shows that Sirius was not afraid of his parents at all. What kind of masochist would suffer for motorbike posters? That would be ridiculous.
Let’s move to Kreacher: If Sirius’s mother had been a monster why even mention her heart? JKR wrote this for a purpose and this heavily implies that Sirius's situation was never meant to be ‘the abusive heartless parents vs the poor helpless victim’.
The fact that Sirius ran away and hence broke his mother’s heart says against the popular idea that he was not loved by his family, that he was always the second one, that they abused him. I’m 100% certain that Kreacher told the truth in that scene. Why would he say something like this if it were not the truth - something like…that his beloved mistress having been so upset over Sirius running away that it broke her heart. Just tell me one reason that would have justified such a lie - why to say this at all?
Then this: “Leave?” Sirius smiled bitterly and ran a hand through his long, unkempt hair. “Because I hated the whole lot of them: my parents, with their pure-blood mania, convinced that to be a Black made you practically royal … my idiot brother, soft enough to believe them … that’s him.”…. “He was younger than me,” said Sirius, “and a much better son, as I was constantly reminded.”
I’ve already said it before - this ‘better son than me’ is exactly what insecure 14-year old kids like to say. Well...he’s a bit older but it’s not as if he had a life and a chance to mature. Moreover, I don’t know if it comes as a great shock but a lot of teenagers like to badmouth their parents…usually, it involves something like ‘those bloody uptight retrogrades know nothing of the real world’ (it fades away when they get closer to thirty).
To be serious, I find that it’s just another example of similarities between Sirius and his mother. They clearly did not know what it means to be composed, polite, and respectful. Yeah…I think that, on the whole, parents are owed their children’s respect (unless they are completely inadequate - somehow I don’t believe this was the case). Someone should teach both of them what mutual respect means. Anyway, there is nothing in this quote that says that Sirius was subjected to any forms of abuse - it’s about how Sirius justified his running away, how he saw the situation.
There’s also the fact that Sirius was incredibly unhappy because he was back at his childhood home and having to spend time around anything that reminded him of his family: “Hasn’t anyone told you? This was my parents’ house,” said Sirius. “But I’m the last Black left, so it’s mine now. I offered it to Dumbledore for headquarters — about the only useful thing I’ve been able to do.” Harry, who had expected a better welcome, noted how hard and bitter Sirius’s voice sounded”.
Here it comes…the severe depression that makes people question the severity of his abuse… I have thought a lot about this because it is the reason why some consider ‘the abusive blacks' canon while others believe it was more of a tragedy of the family rather than the banal brutality.
Of course, Sirius was upset in that house - but I don’t think he suffered the memories of his unhappy childhood - I think he suffered from the strong feeling of guilt. Being in that house meant an everyday reminder that he was a failure. And it’s not even a lie. If you look at his whole life you’ll see that he literally failed everyone in his life: he failed James and Lily - they were dead and he unwillingly became the reason. It was his plan that turned everything into a tragedy.
And, to some extent, he failed Harry- he was not around him like James and Lily would have wanted. Sirius did not give him the real family - he only promised they'd be the one «when it’s all over».
And finally - he failed his parents, his brother, his own family.
Is it possible to live with so much guilt in your heart?
I don't think that Sirius completely forgot who he was born to be. If the family keeps traditions and can trace its existence back in centuries you can't shake it off even if you want. I doubt Sirius switched it off just because he had griffindor friends. He was the last Black - it is tragically poetic that he was once the hope of his family and then this family died with him. If Sirius had heart (and I truly believe he had a heart) he knew exactly what it meant to be trapped in the house that represented the death of his family. A constant reminder that he was the last one.
“The others’ hushed voices were giving Harry an odd feeling of foreboding; it was as though they had just entered the house of a dying person”.
I think that the scene when he threw his father's ring away - he threw it away because it was all over for his family. It was the end of the dynasty - and for him it was all over long before he met Bellatrix for the last time.
Well, I admit Sirius' situation is open for wide interpretation but I don’t think the abusive black household is a canon thing - of course, it’s fanon. It makes Sirius a hero who broke the chains when in fact he ended up being a victim of his own life.
You know, it always seems strange to me that fandom when discussing Walburga usually overlooks the simple truth of life - that even if you are clever enough and mean good for your loved ones it is still possible to end up on the losing side, on the dark side. However, mistakes don't automatically turn humans into monsters.
To some extent Sirius’s story represents the consequences of war. No-one is protected; the whole families could be wiped off the face of the earth. It’s a simple yet profound idea. It correlates with the main idea of hp books far better than the ‘abusive psychopaths’ (there are already Voldemort and Bellatrix - there is no-one who can beat them in this department).
All I say - it’s okay to imagine them bad if you want- your right - but don’t write everywhere that it’s canon because it is not.There is no need for such inflexibility especially when it comes to the fandom - a place where everyone should be welcomed and their views on the books be respected.
#the noble and most ancient house of black#hp meta#harry potter#sirius black meta#walburga black#orion black#regulus black#harry potter meta#Order of the Phoenix#Sirius Black
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