#she has not completely processed shit because she was IN A FUCKING COMA

[dailykugisaki]

Day 334 | id in alt

What will win. Yearning or the urge to get shit done quick and leave the second Maki is in the equation.

[wowifinallywatched]

Listen...this is not my official more coherent thoughts around the Jigsaw installment of the fucking incredible Saw franchise that i normally like to post first but if you've ever wondered what it's like to watch a movie with me and my internal monologue well LOOK NO FURTHER

Coherent thoughts will be coming soon, but for now enjoy a raw reaction to whatever the FUCK THIS WAS I JUST FINISHED WATCHING AND I AKSBFKABF I JUST NEED TO SHARE THIS FEELING WITH SOMEONE HOLY FUCK-

JIGSAW

Listen if you're gonna be bringing this iconic and amazing as fuck series back it better be Fucking at the same level

Ah yes your standard creepy detective who makes sexist jokes like they get paid for it and no one does anything about it because “it's just who they are” and it's one of the bad qualities you have to adopt in about this person uh yeah no FUCK THA-

Okay I'm sorry I'm fucking sorry 39:33??!?!?!?!?!? FUCKING GOLD BEAUTIFUL STUNNING THAT WAS EVERYTHING IVE WANTED LISTEN I KNOW TRUST THE PROCESS OF THESE MOVIES DONT JUDGE TOO SOON BUT FUCK ME THAT WAS GOOD AND I WAS STILL TEETERING  Listen I miss John okay-

WHAT THE FUCK IS GONNA HAPPEN IS HE GONNA COME BACK FROM THE DEAD OR IS THIS REALLY SMART AJBRIAHE Fucking skin suit or secret child ass akdbia

Eleanor DYING WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT Like i can judge this would totally be me as well BEAUTIFUL??? OKAY BITCH NOW I THINK YOU'RE CRAZY

OH MY GOD SHOW ME WHO THE FUCK POISENED YOUR SIPPY CUP BAG MOTHERFUCKER I AM LOSING MY SHIT NOT KNOWING IF JOHN REALLY IS ALIVE OR NOT FUChis

“He was my nephew” Oh my god he was his nephew I'm sorry I had to-

BRKJZISHWJBEJAHSIWBWIHSIS MOTHERFUCKING SAW MY FUCKING GOD YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN WJDBQJ PUTTING HIM IN JOHNS CASKET HAHAHHA HOW THE FUCK DID THEY DO THAT QUIETLY OH MY GOD I LOVE THESE MOVIES SO MUCH THEY'RE ALWAYS ONE STEP AHEAD AND JUST AJDBSIHDJW OBSESSED  I CANNOT OH MY GOD I LOVE IT ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SCENES IN MY BRAIN IT WAS EITHER GONNA BE TWO OPTIONS, JOHN WAS GONNA BE THERE OR HE WASN'T  BUT JUST IN SAW STYLE, A SURPRISE THIRD OPTION HAS APPEARED HAHAHAH Its like when you watch these movies, you're thinking so hard about one part of it (where the fuck is John) that you become completely oblivious to other options (surprise Mr. Coma has appeared) ALSO I WORK IN THE FUNERAL INDUSTRY AND THERE IS STRICT LAW THAT YOU CANNOT OPEN UP A COFFIN INSIDE THE CEMETERY SO H A

I'm trying to bring logic into these movies when I just watched a man get turned into a human milkshake

But this also means that someone could have taken John's body and has been using his DNA  But would the tests come back saying the DNA is dead or alive? Like someone purposely put his DNA under the guys nails to throw them off who's really playing these games I wonder if it's the OG Dr. saw bathroom who's running the show If John really is alive that would be fucking perfect This psycho mortuary girl better not have dug up John himself to fulfill her obsession I SWEAR- OH MY GOD SHE HAS THE OG SAW STOPPPP HAHAHAHAH Wait wait NO NO NO THIS IS A SET UP I SWEAR OH MY GOD THE DETECTIVE

everyone's like “oh copy cats copy cats” but it's actually the fucking detectives that study these cases of jigsaw everyone calm your tips MY TITS ARE NOT CALM WHERE IS THE DAUGHTER NO IM NOT FUCKING AROUND WHERE IS HIS DAUGHTER I SWEAR 

Oh my god I hear remnants of the saw music as they drive off from the house 🥺 LITTLE PIGGY IS STILL IN PLAY LES GOOOO Everytime I see VAIDUWOFJKSHEIEHDIJWKDNWKJFKSBEKNWKDJEKDBOSBRKANJDHSID JOHN JOHN SOBDJSBDIAHDIHA I JUST CHOKED ON MY CEREAL OH MY FUCKING GOD JOHN MY JIGGY SAWWY MAN IM GONNA CRY HOLY FUCK IVE MISSED YOU NSKFBSJS HOW THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK YOU WERE IN A FUCKING MORTUARY WHAT IN THE EVER LOVING FUCK NO I DO NOT TRUST WHAT I SEE ARE YOU A TWIN BROTHER OR SOME SHIT I AM LOSING MY MIND WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK DID THEY REPLACE YOUR BODY BUT THE TEST SUBJECTS WOULD HAVE COME BACK IS THIS A HALLUCINATION HOLY SHIT  I AM ABOUT TO BREAK THIS FUCKING TABLE HOLY FUCKING SHIT My boy you look like you've aged so much Oh my god that misdiagnosis hit way too close to home alright I am John number one protector BUT HOW THE FUCK IS HE ALIVE BECAUSE THE TUMOUR AND THE SKABKFJA John baby listen i love you so much and I love the game you've got going on and you give the best monologue but HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU ALIVE

Listen surely those jigsaw pieces are a set up because surely not even the most dumbass of cops would keep that in their fucking FREEZER HAHAHAH

I am absolutely fucked I trust none of you bitches except daddy mortuary 

AWWWWWWWWW MEANING BEHIND THE PIG HEAD MENTIONED SO CASUALLY THAT IS SO CUTE JOHN

John is so fucking extra he has all these props and then uses a single shotgun

This is more trying to pick who Johns new apprentice is and i don't like any of them

GIRL WHY WOULD YOU WEAR BOOT HEELS TO THIS SCAVENGER HUNT

Listen John sliding the door to people's eternal doom just hits different okay

BACKWARDS OH MY FUCKING GOD JOHN YOU ARE SO SMART It’s literally been the EXACT SAME ALL THESE YEARS PLAY BY THE RULES HE NEVER SAID YOU HAD TO SHOOT EACH OTHER FOR YOUR FREEDOM THAT WAS NOT A RULE HE SET IN PLACE HAHAHAHAH I LOVE THIS AND I WAS CLAIMING HE WAS USING A SIMPLE ASS SHOTGUN OF COURSE IT WASN'T JUST A SHOTGUN I KNOW BETTER THAN THIS

DADDY MORTUARY WAS THE DOCTOR THAT FUCKED UP HIS TEST RESULTS OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU ABSOLUTE LAZY DICKWAD OF A MAN YOU ARE DOOMED HAHAH

Wait what the fuck this is sus whats happening ABDKJSJEBWJDHIWVDJHS I THOUGHT HIS BODY WAS JUST ROLLING AT FIRST WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING NO NO WAY DADDY MORTUARY IS JOHNS NEW APPRENTICE DETECTIVE YOU AND ME ARE THE SAME WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN I AM HIM NO YOU WERE THE ONE I TRUSTED NO FUCKING WAY THE ONLY ONE I TRUSTED TURNED OUT TO BE THE MAN BEHIND IT ALL HAHAHAHAH FUCK WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN FUYCJA FUCKABAFSIABKFJBKAF HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT IS HOLY FUCK LISTEN I STARTED TO DOUBT THIS ONE THEN I TOLD MYSELF DON’T DO THAT BECAUSE IT’S WHAT HAPPENS EVERY TIME I ALWAYS THINK THEY’RE NOT AS GOOD AS THE PREVIOUS ONE BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T REACHED THAT CLIMATIC PLOT TWIST THAT PULLS ALL THE PIECES TOGETHER  AND THEN YOU REACH IT AND YOU THINK HOLY FUCKING SHIT THE FUCKING PAST AND PRESENT PLAY THAT THIS SERIES IS SO GOOD AT

OH MY GOD I GOT SO EXCITED THINKING MY BABY JIGGY SAWWY MAN WAS ALIVE BUT NOPE IT WAS JUST THE PAST GAMES SOBS AND IT’S SO FUNNY BECAUSE NOW IF YOU REWATCHED THIS MOVIE YOU’D SEE ALL THE SIGNS POINTING TO THE TRUTH You just have to follow the rules You just have to follow the signs pointed in the direction of the movie plot OH FUCK ME MOVIE GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH YOUR CLEVER WAYS Think about it if you really listened to this movie, it’s literally telling you exactly what’s going to take place Oh fuck me HAHAHAHAH I NEED TO REWATCH ALL THESE MOVIES NOW WITH THAT MINDSET THIS HAS MIND FUCKED ME I CAN’T BELIEVE IT THE FACT WE WERE WATCHING THE OG GAME WITH THE DADDY MORTUARY BUT SIKE IT WAS TEN YEARS AGO

Not gonna lie Daddy Mortuary was kind of hot Jesus I need to learn his real name I'm sure someone said it I was just blinded by his good looks-

I AM LOSING MY MARBLES I LITERALLY CONTINUE DO ANYTHING ELSE RIGHT NOW HAHAHA LIKE HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT MOMENT WHEN HE STARTED GETTING UP LOST IT GAVE ME FEELINGS BACK TO THE FIRST SAW MOVIE WHERE JOHN SLOWLY GOT UP AND REVEALED HIMSELF  Oh my god Daddy Mortuary was the son John never got to have *GROSS SOBBING IN THE CORNER*

AND SLIDING THE DOOR SHUT JUST LIKE JOHN LIKE JIGGY SAWY FATHER LIKE JIGGY SAWY SON SO THIS GAME HAPPENED FUCKING YONKS AND WOULD HAVE ALREADY HAPPENED BEFORE AMANDA AND BEFORE WHATEVER THE FUCK DETECTIVE FACE WAS I ALREADY DON'T REMEMBER HIS NAME I just can't I can't believe they still gave us John Kramer content while he's still fucking dead that was so fucking clever You can't have a saw movie without the original Jigsaw in it and they fucking keep it alive in a smart way, not forced, but smart WAIT DADDY MORTUARY WHAT IN THE EVER LOVING FUCK DID YOU DO WITH JOHNS BODY I GET IT THE GAMES HAPPENED TEN YEARS AGO AND SUCH BUT WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO WITH JOHNS BODY  DID HE MOVE A WHOLE ASS CASKET AND REPLACE HIS CASKET WITH ANOTHER actually he works in a mortuary he would have the skills to do that HAHAHAHAH FUCKKKKKKK Listen this movie literally gave us John content, fucking ecstatic about it, then showed it was past John and that he's not really here right now

BUT THEY LEFT THE FUCKING DOOR WIDE OPEN FOR JOHN TO STILL BE ALIVE BY HIM NOT BEING IN THAT CASKET AND I KNOW ITS PROBABLY MORE A “They just put the body elsewhere/ replaced his casket” BUT LISTEN LET ME HAVE THIS SMALL OUNCE OF HOPE OKAY

ALSO DID I FUCKING CALL IT OR DID I FUCKING CALL IT ABOUT PUTTING JOHNS DNA UNDER HIS NAILS ON PURPOSE FUCKING CALLED THAT SHIT BITCH AND IM REALLY PROUD BECAUSE I CAN NEVER DO THAT WITH THESE MOVIES FUCK YES GO TEAM 1 FOR US  16 MILLION FOR THE MOVIE OKAY LET ME HAVE THIS ONE- Not me going on about how old John looks and it's literally exactly how he looks in all the other movies HAHAHAHAHAH

OH MY GOD IN THAT SCENE WITH JOHNS NEIGHBOUR AND LEG-O-LOSS I THOUGHT NEIGHBOUR WAS IN SHOCK (of course we find out because she was his neighbor) BECAUSE JOHN WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD BUT IT WAS ONLY BECAUSE THEY WERE NEIGHBOURS  NO ONE EVER BATTED AN EYE OR SAID BUT JIGSAW IS DEAD BUT JOHN KRAMER IS DEAD OH MY GODDDDD ANOTHER FUCKING SIGN TO JUST PAY ATTENTION TO THAT'S BEING SAID AND IT WAS REVEAL THE WHOLE MOVIE TO YOU

Just oh my God okay I need to lay this out Daddy Mortuary- Okay no let me find his real name Also poor fucking Eleanor she really was just a Saw fanatic and now she's wrapped up in something she doesn't even realise IF ONLY SHE KNEW BECAUSE SHE WOULD BE LOVING HER OWN STORY RIGHT NOW LOGAN HIS NAME IS LOGAN Alright so  Logan fucked up John's test results by mislabelling (the poor other fucking dude that got those results) which i feel like was a bit of an add on instead of reveal WAIT BUT IF THIS GAME HAPPENED BEFORE THE OTHER GAMES IN THE OTHER MOVIES Oh my fuck then he would have no reason to mention it in any of his past monologues because he already faced the man that did it and seeked his ‘revenge’ OH MY GOD OKAY REDEEMED THAT WAS THE ONLY THING I HAD TO COMPLAIN ABOUT BUT HE'S BEEN REDEEMED CARRY ON So John sets up one of his classic games, with the machine that was “never used” or they never found the bodies for OH MY GOD LOGAN GAVE HER THE ANSWER. LITERALLY JUST TOLD HER. BECAUSE HE FUCKING KNEW. HE WAS APART OF THAT GAME. HE WOULD HAVE RECOGNISED THE MACHINE STRAIGHT AWAY. HE LITERALLY TOLD HER BUT OF COURSE YOU WOULD NEVER SUSPECT IT TO BE ANYTHING BUT AN ACCUSATION HAHAHAH SHITTTTT I keep trying to write this out calmly and then get really Hyped up forgive me- The game begins with everyone having their sins AND YOU KNOW WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS SO WEIRD THE GAME STARTED WITH SOMEONE STILL UNCONSCIOUS, IT FELT VERY UNLIKE JOHN BECAUSE HE'S ALL ABOUT HAVING A FAIR CHANCE TO REDEEM YOURSELF and when we finally got to see the result of that scene where John is racing out to save him because it was an unfair start and he wanted to personally give him a second chance IM NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING- I wonder how far apart these events were to the previous movie

ANYWAY

My brain isn’t working i literally can't stop thinking about John being a protective father to him John takes him under his wing seeing his pain, seeing his grief and to teach him its not about anger AND LOGAN TEACHING JOHN SOME THINGS TOO SOBS listen, John is the most forgiving person IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT I KNOW WE HAVE LIKE 8 MOVIES TO SAY OTHERWISE BUT LET ME EXPLAIN- HE GIVES THEM A CHANCE TO CONFESS AND THEN BE FREE HE'S ONLY PUNISHING THEM BECAUSE THEY WON'T CONFESS THEMSELVES NOT BECAUSE HE'S MAD Oh my god i really am protecting a serial killer  BUT HEY IT'S FICTIONAL And it is fucking wild to me that no one ever found these bodies (JUST LIKE MY BOY ADAM SOBS) and so Logan planned and waited until the perfect moment to fuck with the world Except there's one thing different from John to the other people that have tried to take his place John gives them a fair game, just play by the rules Amanda, Detective Douche, Logan - They all seemed revenge. They gave them a game, but it wasn't always fair, it wasn't always a game that could be won. Oh wait but Detective banana peel ass didn't exactly confess to freeing Logans wife's murderer so he didn't play the game right OKAY THAT WOULD BE VALID THEN It's just crazy to me that a game happened in real time and we technically got to see exactly what it would have looked like but we never saw the actual game

AND OF COURSE LOGAN CHOSE A GUY THAT DOOMED HIS WIFE'S DEATH AS THE GUY TO GET NO CHANCE FOR REDEMPTION TO REPLICATE HIS OWN EXPERIENCE HAHAHAH LOVE THAT

This was so fucking clever and i never want to stop talking about these movies oh my god

BUT OH MY GOD THE DETECTIVES FUCKING HEAD GETTING SPLICED LIKE A FUCKING BANANA PEEL I CANT- THAT WAS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL HORRIFYING AND DISGUSTING BUT SO FLUID AND BEAUTIFUL  I cannot wait to watch the new movie and see the graphics All things considered theyve really done these movies justice all through the years Like I'm so fucking happy with the ending of this movie And I fucking adore that we got to see John again But I'm not gonna lie my heart is a little broken he's not actually alive and well- I KNOW WE LITERALLY SAW HIM GET AUTOPSIED wait Was Logan the one to do his autopsy  I remember he mentioned something about John being full autopsied but I don't remember if he meant he did it himself WAIT ITS ALWAYS BEEN THE SAME MORTUARY HAND TO DO THE SAW AUTOPSIES HASN'T IT OH MY FUCKING GOD SO HE KNEW THE PLAN ALL ALONG HE FUCKING KNEW OH MY GOD I AM EMOTIONAL-

Now I need to go back and watch the other movies again, for many reasons, but to see if it was Logan all along

I JUST READ MY NOTES WHILE WATCHING PREVIOUS SAW MOVIES AND I MADE A COMMENT ABOUT HOW SUS IT IS THAT THERE’S BEEN ONE CONSISTENT MORTUARY HAND LOOKING AFTER THE SAW VICTIMS HAHAHAH CALLED IT (possibly)

God I don’t drink but right now I feel like I need a drink

ONTO THE NEXT ONE WHERE YOU REALLY CAN’T PREDICT WHAT WE’LL EVER GET AKSBFKBF

[casliveblog]

Custom Toonami Block Week 186 Rundown

The Witch from Mercury: We get a two week timeskip after the season finale and we basically get a full reset, like everyone’s still grappling with their various traumas from the terrorist attack but the general consensus is ‘go back to slice of life school shenanigans and pretend it didn’t happen’ which didn’t work out so well for Code Geass R2 but this seems to be handling it better since there are a number of status quo changes that come along with it. Suletta has to take on the duel backlog she gained while Aerial was being repaired in a gauntlet and we’ve reached that point in slice of life action hybrid shows where the protagonist is stronger than everyone in the area except for pre-approved plot-relevant people, Kill la Kill had a couple of these thresholds. Also I’m just laughing because Shaddiq’s basically been disowned so Ceres is the MC for the gauntlet and no one ever questions why he just completely changes personalities every few months. Miorine’s dad is still alive but he’s basically in a coma and may not be able to walk anymore. Nika’s not been outted by generic guy but she’s still depressed because her ambiguous double agent status is causing problems. Everyone else’s just kinda reeling from almost fucking dying and then having to go back to school and not mention it. Suletta’s been cut off from Miorine but Prospera assures her once they get through the legal troubles and Miorine has time to process her husband squishing a guy like a bug right in front of her everything will be okay. Meanwhile the school’s basically having an Open House for new students and, guess what, the Discount Lagoon Corps girls are on the list, called that as soon as I heard there was gonna be an open house. Luckily Suletta doesn’t recognize them despite Sophie still fangirling over her the exact same way and Norea not really giving a good alibi at all. The two pal around the school for a while, harassing Nika for knowing they’re terrorists and stealing Ceres’s Gundam Key to potentially kill Nika and tie up loose ends. They reveal Nika just wanted to be a mediator between the two factions of Earth and Space but both these girls are jaded enough to take that as an insult onto itself. Suletta barges in and in characteristic fashion has no clue what the fuck’s going on and asks no followup questions but will use violence to stop violence and challenges Norea to a duel at the conveniently placed school festival battle royale thing. Meanwhile in the post-credits scene (the new ED is fucking beautiful btw), Miorine learns from Prospera about Quiet Zero, a supposed project to end war forever which sounds like som Human Instrumentality shit because as long as there are two humans and sticks there will always be war so if you’re using the soul-stealing mech power to end war you’re probably going to be killing/lobotomizing a lot of fucking people.

Inuyasha The Final Act: Kohaku is able to force our Magatsuhi with his act of bravery and “Kikyo’s Light” ends up being a weird ambiguous plot device for the last arc of the series but I like to think that since it ebbs and flows over the course of the final battle here, it’s not so much a power source from Kikyo but something that reacts to the goodness and selflessness in humanity which is the opposite of Magatsuhi’s energy, like Kikyo didn’t save Kohaku, Kohaku saved Kohaku and Kikyo gave him the catalyst to bring energy to his goodness. Meanwhile during the skirmish Sesshomaru shows up and tears apart Magatsuhi with Tenseiga and destroys a bunch of Naraku’s body parts with Bakusaiga while Inuyasha takes out a bunch more with Meido Zangetsuha, though Kagome notes Naraku basically feels like he’s everywhere right now. Once Magatsuhi’s destroyed, the part of him in Miroku back in the village jumps out and abducts Rin (idk why both parts couldn’t have abducted them both but we want Miroku to be in the final battle so it’s fine). Sesshomaru takes off because his “Rin’s been abducted” alarm went off, leaving Inuyasha’s group with Naraku as he takes Kagome hostage, using the big turtle shell he absorbed from Moryomaru to protect the jewel in his body. Kohaku makes a deal with Naraku to let Kagome go if he gives him his shard which everyone knows is a terrible idea since Naraku;’s word is less than useless like if he says he’s going to do something he’ll probably do everything BUT that. But Kohaku’s not stupid and uses the deal as a farce to use Kagome’s arrow to just pump purifying light into Naraku and break the turtle shell thing. I gotta say back when I first watched this and saw Kohaku regain consciousness and be like “I’ll destroy Naraku” I fucking laughed because the power scaling was so off at that point so seeing him actually get a shot at it thanks to the Human Light Catalyst energy from Kikyo is kinda neat. With his armor gone, Sango and Inuyasha chase Naraku off and start wrapping up, Kohaku resolving that he’s ready to stop running away from his guilt and giving living a shot… right before Naraku shoots a bit of flesh through his neck to kill him and take his shard. Like if they actually had the balls to kill Kohaku right here this’d be like a top-tier anime gutpunch moment, all because Naraku wised up and knows the good guys start chilling once he’s done his Team Rocket’s Blasting Off Again speech and takes advantage of their ridiculously lax defenses. However the group finds Kohaku’s still alive “Kikyo’s Light” deciding to save him instead of purifying Naraku. Now this seems really dumb but you can kinda take this two ways, either a character arc for Kikyo where she post-mortem finally puts her trust in Inuyasha and the others to defeat Naraku and refuses to use Kohaku as a sacrificial pawn for her plan to do it all by herself, OR a character arc for Kohaku where the purifying energy given to him by Kikyo and his resolve to live makes a small wish on the jewel which decides to cut him some slack and allow him to survive since he’s basically been on life support for nine months and probably actively healing his wounds anyway unlike the Band of Seven who had to have their bones and shit put back together. Either way Naraku has a cool scene where he mind melds with all the villains who’ve ever held a jewel shard and completes it in the name of evil. Admittedly even Naraku doesn’t know what to do with it now but point is it’s done and the final battle is upon us with Naraku turning into a giant spider and Rin being abducted to lure Sesshomaru and all his enemies into a final confrontation.

Castlevania: Taka and Sumi have a “Alucard’s hiding things from us” fully entrenching them in the arrogant Anakin Skywalker phase of their training arc. Like they’ve been there a couple of weeks max and it’s a big place full of demon magic, like yeah Alucard’s a little lonely but also there’s probably Arc of the Covenant shit in there that will melt human faces so there’s no reason to be mad that he’s not showing you the face-melting room in the first month. Meanwhile the girls have a pow-wow to discuss the logistics of their lesbian takeover and the idea is they’ll pick up mercenaries as they kill their employers and the main takeaway from this is Carmilla is the worst and doesn’t really add anything to the dynamic but we already knew that. Lenore continues seducing Hector and her gaslighting is fucking MASTERFUL like she gives him a ‘oh I’m falling in love and we could run away together’ plot while also subtly bringing up the mercenary plan to undercut Hector’s necessity to the plan and take away the one card he has to play even though they do still very much need him, she’s just making him THINK he’s unessential so it’s HER that’s the only thing tying him to life and not any of his own merits and she’s fucking GREAT at this shit because it’s not even the main thrust of their conversation, like if Carmilla was this good at the gaslight gatekeep girlboss shit in season 2 we wouldn’t have a plot rn because it’d all be over. Meanwhile meanwhile, Trevor’s group gets the full skibidi toilet on what’s going on in the priory with the cruficied Evangelion Demon courtesy of Saint Germain and Trevor actually makes it a point to get Germain to the multiverse tunnel as part of the plain which throws the Jack Sparrow type off when another Jack Sparrow type is actually noble. They advance on the priory but the monks are already well underway with their plan to open a gate to hell and bring Dracula back and like… bro I don’t think Dracula wants to come back, he seemed pretty pissed last time he left but this basically is the plot to Yu Yu Hakusho Chapter Black now that I’m thinking about it.

Konosuba: Kazuma gets kicked out of the party for being a scumbag and Kris takes him up to go steal Iris’s soul-swapping necklace. There’s a funny little exchange where they talk about how the person with it could basically become like Dante from the original FMA anime and live forever by body-hopping but Kris trusted Kazuma enough that she knew he’d only get up to scumbag shenanigans with it instead of anything megomanical with it which is true, like there’s a floor that Kazuma always has to be at least a little scummy but there’s also a ceiling where he won’t get into any serious trouble with his schemes or do anything too bad and it’s just funny to watch that be acknowledged. The two do an Oceans Eleven heist and fight their way through the guards where Kazuma wears Vanir’s mask and essentially becomes Super Kazuma for the duration while being mildly possessed by Vanir’s personality. They beat the shit out of Mitsurugi and find that actually Aqua, Darkness and Megumin are the final guards which is good for them because Kazuma is well and truly familiar with how much each of them individually suck, it’s like the opposite of the ‘the boss after you recruit him’ meme, without Kazuma’s insane strategies and dumb luck pulling the party together the group really isn’t much of a threat. Darkness can’t hit shit, Aqua’s too drunk to be useful and Megumin’s too caught up in their Phantom Thief disguises to do anything, not that she could just use Explosion in the castle anyway. They steal back the necklace (feel like this would’ve been a lot easier as an inside job instead of a frontal assault but okay) and accidentally take Iris’s chastity ring thing too which basically means Kazuma’s engaged to a twelve year old, like Darkness says if he tries to return it they’ll just kill him to preserve her dignity but like mail it back to her or send an anonymous calling card, do some Phantom Thief shit we don’t need this to be this complicated. Still Kazuma has to sit there and listen to how cool he was as a Phantom Thief without being able to reveal it was him to anyone but Darkness who beats the shit out of him for it, though admittedly he does admit he didn’t want to tell her for fear of linking her to Kris and ruining her reputation which is nice. The group finally leaves the Capital and Iris reveals she has a crush on Kris thinking she’s a boy or maybe she’s just a lesbian idk, but also that she knows Kazuma was the one who took her ring and given that the series seems to be tracking Megumin and Kazuma as the main ship I don’t think that’s gonna work out for her so hope she has a backup plan. Darkness sneakily gets Kazuma to affirm to Iris that he’ll defeat the Devil King so yeah we’re actually planning on maybe doing that at some point.

Delicious in Dungeon: It’s a mid-season breather episode as we catch back up with Kabru’s group on his parallel journey through the dungeon. Kabru’s kind of an interesting guy in that he seems to be the exact foil to Laios in that he has trouble with monsters but relishes interacting with people and figuring them out, he’s like a less misanthropic Sherlock Holmes and it’s kinda neat. They find and take out the guys that robbed them before though they still have a grudge against Laios’s party for some reason even though they know they were being lied to. Also apparently you get paid for bringing corpses out of the dungeon? Like idk what’s stopping two guys from going in, killing each other and taking turns dragging one another out. Still Kabru muses that the dungeon’s model is unsustainable as treasure becomes harder and harder to come by like some kind of fossil fuel metaphor and he kinda geniusly breaks down what happened to Laios’s group and I kinda love this scene because he doesn’t get everything right like some sort of weird Sherlock Holmes ‘I noticed a speck of dust on their cloak so they’re the murderer’ scene, he puts natural common sense stuff together in an interesting way to form the puzzle of what most likely happened as well as a few alternatives and he’s like 90% right. Meanwhile they get rescued by Shuro who’s in the dungeon looking for Falin as well and they join forces to be the most important secondary character group going into the second half. Meanwhile Laios and co. can’t figure out how to fucking leave the underground city and are about to die from starvation.

Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End: The First-Class Mage test continues and Ubel and Wirbel face off, turns out Ubel’s spell is basically just “magic knife” and she can cut through anything without leaving a trace like a less powerful version of Sukuna’s technique in JJK. Wirbel meanwhile has Pertificus Totalis from Harry Potter but he has to keep eye contact on the subject’s whole body and can only use it on one person at a time. The two pontificate for a bit on how they’re both killers and how agonizing over killing each other would have little point despite Wirbel’s hesitation. Still Fern took out his girlfriend and convinces him to back off by saying he killed her and the test is voided for them since they don’t have all three members. Like he was kind of fucked anyway since two on one fights put him at a major disadvantage and Fern basically had him dead to rights anyway but guess that does keep him from struggling. He finds his teammates after the girl has been beaten into the dirt by Fern and the guy got Shadow Clone paralysis Jutsu’d by Land but they still manage to find a bird through a lucky break after Wirbel admits he was just fighting and killing to impress a girl he knew when he was a kid which just so happens to be the girl on his team now, I’d say that’s an incredible contrivance but also this test does have the theme of “luck is a skill in its own” so I feel like that’s intentional. Frieren faces off against the Old Man party so Old Man will fight her and the other guy wants to kill her two party members despite Old Man telling him to just knock them out. Still they reveal that anyone who becomes a First-Class Mage gets a spell of their choice from the Elf that founded the Mage Association who’s basically a living List of Spells Wikipedia page. It’s funny because on the surface that sounds like something Frieren would like given how she likes collecting spells but she doesn’t react and the more you think about it, she seems to enjoy obtaining the small and insignificant spells from all over the world and obtaining the stories and cultures that correspond with them, she’s not someone that attaches herself to specific spells for utilitarian purposes and wants to learn all she can about a wide breadth of things, so yeah one spell from the official list of broken spells probably doesn’t mean much to her.

Revolutionary Girl Utena: Utena is an average girl who no one understands (okay I know that’s my running joke whenever I start a series but to be real there is actually very little average about Utena), as a child she’s given hope by a Prince and instead of falling for him she takes the One Piece Yamato route and goes ‘fuck bro that dude’s awesome, I’mma become an awesome dude too’ which I can definitely appreciate, though after hearing that backstory and seeing all the visuals for the opening I was not expecting this to take place in a normal-ass slice of life school, like the tone is high fantasy even before the high fantasy shit starts happening. Utena is basically living her best life as a boy in everything but underpants and has something of a relationship of convenience with her friend Wakaba, though everything changes when she sees a mysterious girl tending a greenhouse and arranged by fate to marry some jerkass on the student council… god this sounds familiar. I like how the evil student council even has to call Saionji to a meeting to be like “Please stop beating your fiancée, it’s really ruining our evil rep and there’s no reason for it” but Saionji’s just that much of a bag of dicks that he keeps doing it, like he’s not even a manipulative type of abuser he just seems to do it whenever he gets the chance. Anyway Wakaba likes Saionji but as we’ve previously established he is a huge sack of dicks he posts her love letter for the school to see, causing Utena to challenge him for her honor. Saionji agrees because he wants to find out why the ring she got from the Prince in her backstory matches the ones worn by the royal-ish student council so they’ve got a duel on their hands. Problem is they get to the magical fucking castle thing in the sky (which Utena questions but also kinda just rolls with) and Saionji gets a real fucking sword while Utena’s stuck with the kendo sword because she did not come here prepared for murder and magic. Saionji pulls a magic sword out of Anthy’s tits because he’s the Holder and gets to do shit like that but Utena fucking beats his ass with just the broken handle of the bamboo sword and it’s fucking badass, and as a bonus as the new Holder she’s also Anthy’s husband now despite kind of already being with Wakaba in their playful ‘oh we’re REALLY good friends’ way. There’s something really kind of likeable about Utena right off the bat, like it’s tempting to say it’s boring that she’s just immediately better than everyone at everything but it is the first episode that does kinda happen in the first episode of things and she has this upbeat charm to her with her determination to be her ideal self and stalwart determination that doesn’t falter while she’s rolling with all the absurd magical shit around her, idk I immediately like her a lot, the plot is kind of  like a stage play so it moves really fast and people talk very weirdly with higher emotional drives than they probably should and it doesn’t give things quite the chance to breathe it probably should but there’s a lot of character to her and it’s fun.

[slimmestslime]

funny au information NOW [launching furniture via telekinesis]

MY FUCKING HOUSE. IT IS IN SHAMBLES

also your wish is my command. prepare for a wall

for things to make sense, i should give background on the spearheader of the au. aka, why the au even fucking exists. and once i do THAT then i’ll explain it so its not just. “ok how the fuck did this happen”

so to get it out of the way. i have this very particular oc, Tuppoi, whom i post abt on and off but ive never really explained. mainly due to the fact that if i were to explain her properly then any post would become the equivalent of the great firewall of china. but for au’s sake i’ll summarize what the fuck she is, how she do, and how she created another timeline. aka this au

tuppoi came from an AAHW cloning batch that uses fuckn, dna samples from prior to marshmellow madness when animals theoretically existed. there were 3 others in her batch but we’re only focusing on Fuckhead right now. her sample contained mostly lizard & skink dna, and some chromosome fuckery later, heres why she has four hands. some dissension shit later of “this job fucking SUCKS” and her technical brother was wounded in the crossfire of escaping, while also being slapped into a coma due to tuppoi’s own medical malpractice. she cant Medicbag. this caused her to want to revive him, so she put her talent of technical machinery to use and started to produce weaponry to raise funds to bring em back. this wasn’t enough though, so she switched to android manufacturing. many monopoly money later and she’s risen to the top where she can start asking around for those to revive her brother. which, smthn abt a fragmented S3LF later, she decides that she HAS to attract the attention of stygian in order to bring him back. monopolization and “fuckoff SQ” later, stygian arrives like the mercy from overwatch gif and revives her brother for shits and giggles then despawns (this is a pissass explaination but the visual works). this causes tuppoi to realize that death is a meaningless concept in nevada if you truly can just bring someone back from the dead, since she didnt fully believe it prior. and once she discovered what the fuck dissonance is (after one of her androids got killed), she got set on “resetting” nevada to its former glory, prior to the nexus’ downfall and prior to any improb drive activation. the “default of nevada” as she’d coin it.

so a fuckton of going back and forth between the SQ and purgatory shit later (the SQ deems her as a threat, and fuck i don’t blame them!) she opens a gate, nether portal, whatever to purgatory to let a very fucking dangerous thing out to scorch nevada. and with the help of her fuckass improb drive ipad infected with a null variable, which effectively bypasses the theoretical admin system of nevada (think like a pc), she completely reset nevada. though in canon she both succeeded AND failed due to an interloper completely splitting the process and causing her timeline to splinter off from the current, instead of completely resetting the nevada they resided in.

tldr, tuppoi is a fucking smug asshole and with the help of “i know too much for my own good”, she fractured reality because she saw the current reality as too easy, and went to make reality into her own vision.

okay are you still here. i didnt scare you off right. okay cool, so now about the au she successfully created and the shit you actually ASKED ABOUT,

the au Tuppoi created can best be summarized as “if cyberpunk 2077 took place in nevada, and if everything was a theoretical utopia”. everything is so technologically advanced that atleast every grunt has an augmentation of some sort. and where the SQ was trying to uphold the status quo of the machine, the SQ here is trying to completely break it in order to cause anarchy, out of sheer distaste under Tuppoi’s utopian and ever-so-subtle dictatorish rule.

a bit more context on to how the au was created, once tuppoi was slapped into the new timeline they were thrown immediately into when marshmellow madness was about to happen. so to prevent THAT and from a certain null integer spawning, with the power of her fuckass improb drive she completely deleted it. and since improb drives hadn’t even been conceived yet; it was freeroam for her to do whatever she wanted, to be perceived as a god and to shape nevada into her molding. and so her second course of action was to completely revoke The Maker’s admin role and to merge a certain fuckshit with The Machine, basically turning a degrading and almost deceased imac into a modern day gaming computer. so now, tuppoi has complete reign under nevada!

ok i fucking deviated BAH. morw about the au since this is not an exclusively tuppoi ramble even though she is keenly tied to it.

the au, the terminal au, named as such since. you can take terminal alot of different ways and also >computer terminal. grunts are effectively under a hivemind to stay “correct” and to follow their assigned tasks, their goals. much like actual madcom canon except the machine got fuckshit pissy about that not being followed. though here since every grunt is augmented, they’re hooked to the machine’s server which forces them to behave and not “act out of line”, making it VERY difficult to dissent, BUT. the SQ (which i probably need to rename huh) managed anyway from varying points;

doc being a super hacker and able to reroute past the machine’s connection, dei just turning off connection to the machine and doing the same thing for sanford— connecting to doc’s server if needbe for hacking purposes, and hank just. Well. Fucker is 80% bionic so he’s sort of relying off doc anyway, so he’s hardwired to doc’s server. really most of this can be summarized up to “me and the boys avoiding the school firewall”

jebus likely exists but not in the way you’d think, im still thinking about him but he’d be a savior in his own way, crackpot ate shit and died aka i dont even know if he exists considering in the au, nexus city didnt even get established, tricky i need to think about but he’d either be Mostly organic or Mostly mechanical, i cant tell. bro has to have a stark contrast somewhere and im still debating. employers only half-exist but their role isn’t “all-powerful overseeing gods”, its “forced into overseeing districts of nevada from their stations”, so every employer is forced to be the auditor since tuppoi does Not trust anyone. not even with creative mode she just Doesnt trust anyone, and she has no need to in hindsight.

phobos also doesnt exist. Shocking. or well, maybe crackpot&him could exist but they’d be so rewritten. maybe they’re a warhammer40k terminally online club idk LMAO.

feel like i should elaborate on both doc & hank’s designs so far but i think they’re self explanatory. doc has the Big Computer on his hip and is shaped like a hackerman, also has lightup sketchers cause he would. and he’d pull up his pc with holograms so that shit’s neat i think. also of course he’d be able to hack stuff, but his skills are Greatly Enhanced when his pc is on, at the tradeoff of him risking being discovered by tuppoi due to so many anonymous and heavily encrypted packets being sent to her server (the machine).

and hank is 80% bionic and 20%? mechanical, playing into the “this fucker is a MACHINE.” and the reason for him being so augmented so much, is that revival sort of Doesnt exist. yeah. death is fucking Permanent, and stuff like medicbags is a scarce find (can you tell tuppoi made this timeline.) so the only way to efficiently heal yourself is to augment yourself. Which is why hank looks like a fucking soldat on destiny steroids. and why he has that big fuckoff blade which can be replaced for other parts (but thats mostly to make him kill quicker) but by fucking god im not drawing them!! one of them is a railgun reconfigured into a rifle, and i’m NOT DRAWING THAT !!

but yeah. key takeaways;

— tuppoi (terminal) au is cyberpunk 2077 but nevada and everything is a utopia governed by Fuckshit Von Tupperware

— dissenters want reality fucked up and nuked because in every timeline they hate tuppoi (mostly true)

— tuppoi’s character arc is “i miss my brother -> “Reality is pointless and so is progression, it’s best if it was all reset and built anew under a more purposeful gaze.”

— i need to ramble about these fuckshits more so thank you for invading my home, throwing my furniture around like a gmod prophunt map, and asking for This

as a bonus heres terminal tuppoi & int i never posted because i forgor

[taughtdefense]

YOU'RE SO FUCKING EXHAUSTED. trying to keep sam & the rest of your friends from slipping into complete despair because of the school fight has made you bury your own mental health so deep you almost forget you're suffering. almost. not to mention auryn routinely courting you now that, presumably, you're left vulnerable, or more accurately: that a certain brunet is out of the picture. he's been in a huge pain in your ass lately, & you've let it happen, just to feel something, anything, other than crushing emptiness. you're not exactly dealing with the trauma of anything you've gone through. honestly, you still haven't processed the fact that miguel told you he loved you & then kissed you, all while he was drunk, let alone him being hospitalized.

despite your shock, you've gone to see him a few times, both when he was out of a coma & comatose. hawk had been surprised to see you sitting at his bedside once he'd heard el serpiente finally, thank god, woke up. miguel's tried talking to you about the kiss twice now, but you've always skated around the topic, opting to talk about literally anything else. it's to try & get his mind off of the fact that he's paralyzed, according to the doctor's & miguel's forlorn, haunted expression, the fact that you have no idea where the fuck robby is, the fact that johnny & mr. larusso are absolutely adamant in not letting you help search for him ( HE COULD BE HURT SOMEWHERE, FOR ALL YOU KNOW! ). to say you're furious with them both—johnny & mr. larusso, you should clarify—is an understatement.

basically, everything sucks.

YOU KNOW YOU WON'T FEEL LIKE THIS FOREVER, but again, it still sucks. it's certainly not how you expected to feel ever. even if you do manage to rewind the clock, prevent miguel from kissing you or sam after, the outcome might only be delayed as opposed to circumvented.

fucking technicalities in exercising power when your Creators are always pushing back against you from trying to intervene too much with destiny, & all that shit, remain confusing, ever-changing & adapting to GO AGAINST YOUR FAVOR. it's a gamble you'd rather not take, not with everything at stake, because of everything that is at stake. miguel's accident COULD WIND UP KILLING HIM, & where the fuck would you be then? it's too risky.

in these past few weeks, you've been rapidly veering between shock, despair, guilt, rage & emptiness pretty frequently, even if externally you're just appear to be fine. more concerned with your friends, more like. you've been hanging out at miyagi do far too much lately, despite it's recent closure. ever since mr. larusso closed down the dojo after the school fight, you've felt a little... well, scrambled? lost? thrown off balance? take your pick of words. mr. larusso certainly has no issue with you coming to miyagi do; he told you as such.

you suppose that he figures it's the least he could do—hand your old keys to the sanctuary back over to you—since he's stonewalling you from helping find robby. it's a pyrrhic victory.

whatever the case is, you started coming here to try & clear your head, get away from the rumors swirling about you & miguel, the fact that tory saw Two Presumably Heterosexual Dudes kissing at a party, then inadvertently outed you two at the confrontation on the first day of school, all because sam had apparently wounded her pride multiple times before. it's something you don't really like her for at the moment. you're glad she got kicked out of school.

you're leaning against the dojo, your knees drawn up to your chest. you don't open your eyes even as you hear a car door shut, the familiar click click of heels on the gravel outside. you don't move, even as @naturallyglamorous enters the dojo & sees you sitting on the sparring deck, your semi-full water bottle resting next to your thigh. you pick it up & shake it a little bit before taking a swig, already a little bit annoyed.

you can sense her eyes on you. you sigh heavily, cracking an eye open as you set the bottle down with a metallic thunk, beginning to fiddle with your earplugs. you haven't been answering anyone's texts for the past hour, despite your phone being almost fully charged & in the pocket of your sweatpants.

❝ hey, veronica. ❞ you greet her calmly, tone only a little bit clipped. like you're trying to end the conversation before it can begin properly. you're not as cold to her as you'd been initially because of a certain ALTERNATE-CURRENT LIFE. thank you, Younger Self, for being absolutely petty. you like her well enough in this lifetime, enough to let her call you eth if she so desires. you call it baby steps, & shadow believes it to be commendable on your part that you didn't become wholly petty... just, instantly, because of everything. points for trying to be better, ethan. he had said. your mom would be proud of you for trying to let go of that alternate-lifetime grudge of veronica locking lips with your robby... who isn't even fucking yours, despite what your Younger Self screams at you.

you push those thoughts out of your head. you know that she can definitely see the dark circles underneath your eyes, & only hopes she doesn't rat you out to jughead, or paze, or emma, or courtney, or michelle. or, even worse: sam, who is still your best friend/roommate despite your... current disagreements with mr. larusso about robby. you're not going to, like, attack him or johnny because of it, much to the disappointment of your Younger Self because robby is concerned. ❝ if you're here to make sure i haven't done anything monumentally fucking reckless, or to see that i've not gotten jumped by cobra kai, well, then, congratulations. mission accomplished. i'm fine. ❞

veronica doesn't look away from you. oh boy. you resist the urge to just get up & walk away, or just to remain staring at her. when she doesn't budge, you sigh heavily. ❝ fine. i'll bite. ❞ hopefully you don't wind up regretting this. ❝ what do you want? ❞ you try not to wince at the sharp tone your voice takes on, coming out a little harsher than you meant to. you suppose you'd feel bad about that if this was any other time, but... well, in your defense: she interrupted your decompressing-slash-wallowing time, so she'll have to excuse you if you're a little lot grumpy.

❝ i’ve decided you’re the only one i can trust. ❞ she replies.

you instantly school your expression, going from a little annoyed to neutral, settling back against the dojo's wall to become more comfortable. luckily, the semi-shade provides some relief from the sweltering sunshine. yep. regretting asking what she wants seems like a rapidly approaching outcome. hmm... if veronica says that you're the only one she can trust, as opposed to all of their other friends, then it must be something serious. or dangerous... or maybe even both. you eye her scrutinizingly, but you don't tap into her head with your powers to learn more, despite the urge to do so. the sooner you figure out what she needs help with, the sooner you can get it over with, & the sooner you can go back to wallowing here in miyagi do.

❝ right. because that's totally not ominous & incredibly fucking vague, ❞ you mutter, sarcasm oozing from your still-flat cadence, ❝ but sure. i-i'll humor you. ❞ then, louder, you ask: ❝ what do you need help with? ❞ your frown deepens as you consider something. before she can respond, you say: ❝ ...follow up question i-i feel randomly obligated to ask, but... does it involve picking a fight with cobra kai? ❞ actively seeking out karate rumbles for whatever reason doesn't seem to be quite her style, in your opinion, not to mention even less of a veronica lodge approved predilection that others jump to, but the fucking voids-damned universe still has the ability to surprise you.

[literaryspinster]

And can we talk about Dick and Kory for a second? I know I sound like a broken record but it’s hard not to keep bringing it up because I never got an answer for why the narrative around them was so goddamn weird. Someone who never watched the show and only tuned into the online discourse would think that Dick was constantly fucking everyone and ignoring Kory while she was sitting around feeling sad and rejected when that just... was not the case at all. This is exactly what did happen s1. Rachel wants Dick to help her because she’s scared about her powers and the people who are interested in them. Dick does not think he can handle it so he tries to leave her in the care of his friends, one being an ex-girlfriend who still has unresolved and unrequited feelings for him. Rachel ends up getting kidnapped by the small bad and Kory, who does not remember anything about her past, rescues her. Dick tries to get Rachel back but is now forced to bring Kory along because Kory and Rachel have bonded and Kory wont leave her side. Rachel runs off after her powers blow up a building and Dick and Kory go after her, bicker for a while, but end up softening toward each other when Dick realizes that this lady is pretty cool and wise and caring actually.

Once they get Rachel back and decide to bring her new friend Gar along as well, they are able to stop at a motel and take a breath, where they end up having casual sex that may be a little more than casual but more on that later. Rachel and Gar run away to go after Rachel’s newly discovered mom who is being held prisoner, Kory and Dick go after them and end up getting captured and tortured for the effort. After getting free, Dick finds some goons experimenting on Kory and beats the shit out of them even though he’s been drugged and can barely stand. They sleep together again, but Dick is still struggling with a lot so he decides they should go their separate ways. Kory understands, they promise to try again once they figure themselves out. He goes after Kory again once he realizes that she might hurt Rachel (which he understands is through no fault of her own) but ends up getting whammied by the big bad who traps him in a delusion, making him think he’s married to the aforementioned ex-girlfriend (who has been completely absent for the last five episodes). The delusion climaxes when he ends up killing his father to avenge Kory, not his “wife,” but Kory, whom he has known for a few days at this point.

s2. With the big bad vanquished, Dick asks Kory to come along with him on the road, but with her memories restored and her situation complicated by that, she declines (that’s right, she says no to him, not the other way around), he decides to dedicate his time to helping his young charges learn how to fight while Kory has started a crime fighting duo with Dick’s friend Donna (whom just the previous season the fandom was angry about because they thought there might be a romantic thing between her and Dick). A villain from Dick’s past resurfaces and Donna and Dick’s old friends from s1 reunite with him to solve the issue. But all three of them do nothing but criticize and admonish Dick for the situation. Meanwhile, Kory reconnects with an ex boyfriend from her homeworld, flirts with him and considers going back with him to fulfill her duties. Before she can leave though, Rachel calls, opening up to her about how difficult things have been without her, even though there is a house full of adults she could theoretically talk to. Kory decides to go help Rachel, reuniting with Dick in the process. After one conversation with Dick she realizes he plans to sacrifice himself to the big bad to free one of his charges and protect the others. She intervenes, saving his life and buying enough time for his charge to be saved by Superboy, who ends up getting shot and put into a coma in the process. Dick has a breakdown and goes after the villain while Kory is able to save Superboy with her powers. When Dick returns, he tells his team a dark secret about his past with the villain that causes everyone to turn on him except for Kory and Gar. Kory is contacted by her ex again and can not stay with Dick although she makes it clear that she does not judge him. Kory’s Ex is killed and her one way home is destroyed by her sister, causing Kory to spiral and hook up with the first man she sees, luckily he’s pretty nice and doesn’t take advantage of her. Meanwhile Dick, at his lowest point, gets himself arrested. Kory and Rachel reunite and Rachel, troubled by a dream of him dying, pleads with the adults to help him. No one agrees except for Kory, but when they go to break him out he is already gone. They reunite again, stop the threat and start a new superhero team.

S3. The Team now consists of Gar, Superboy, Dick and Kory. Rachel is finding herself in Themyscira, Donna is temporarily dead, and his other friends are living their own lives. Dick and Kory are not together, seemingly because Kory has still not resolved the issue of whether she belongs on Earth or on her homeworld, but they seem to be working well together as friends and teammates. Kory is contacted by the guy she hooked up with during her breakdown and she starts to open up to him about some sleepwalking episodes she’s been having, as he is a licensed therapist. Meanwhile, Dick is dealing with the recent death of the same charge that he almost lost in the previous season. He goes home for the funeral and reunites with his father and his ex girlfriend. The kid comes back to life and starts wreaking havoc so dick calls on his team, past and present, to help with the situation. Sadly, one of Dick’s friends dies at the hands of his former charge, causing Dick to begin spiraling again. Frustrated and grieving poorly, Dick consistently butts heads with his ex, who is now the police commissioner, until Kory firmly tells him to fix the situation. He learns to work with her to solve the problem, and after a big win, they get caught in the moment and share a kiss in secret. Why it’s in secret is not clear as Dick is single at this point and can kiss whoever he wants Meanwhile, Kory’s sister who fucked her over the previous season, has come back. Being the only family she has left, Kory takes mercy on her but does not trust her until she proves herself to the team. Dick, still spiraling and needing to solve the issue without risking the lives of anyone else, ends up dead. Rachel who has returned from Themyscira, teams up with Gar to resurrect him with the Lazarus pit. While in the pit, Dick has a vision of a little girl who looks exactly like Kory and calls him daddy. Once the vision ends, Dick has tears in his eyes and a smile on his face, but cannot dwell on it for too long as everything is still mired in chaos. Once the threat is dealt with, Kory’s sister returns home to take on Kory’s responsibilities, solving the issue of whether or not she can remain on Earth. Dick officially breaks up with his ex (although it can be argued that their reunion wasn't significant enough to even require a break up) purchases an RV to take Kory, Gar, Rachel, Superboy and their new friend Tim home, as opposed to traveling via plane. It’s strongly implied that he does this  for the purpose of spending more time with Kory, whom he now realizes he has a future with.

S4. While on the road Dick and Kory are now able to spend more time together, as their biggest personal crises have finally been dealt with. They take on the role of co-leaders of the team, flirt and touch almost constantly. Unfortunately, a big threat wipes out Rachel’s powers, forcing Dick to find another magic user to help them. While they have a sexual history, Kory is unbothered by this, and Dick seems to barely tolerate her until she proves to be very helpful to the team and a good friend to them. She also appears to highly approve of Dick’s relationship with Kory and seems to have a thing for Superboy. Sometime during the chaos, Kory has a similar vision of the baby she will one day have with Dick, she confronts him about why he didn’t tell her, he responds that he doesn’t know, and they put it aside to continue with the mission. Sadly, Dick’s former fling and the Titans' current ally is killed in a pivotal battle.  After the battle, Dick, Kory and Rachel must stop the problem from escalating. In the process, they end up in a town where everyone is brainwashed into allegiance to the main threat. In an attempt to keep them from succumbing to the same fate, Dick suggests they record some painful memories to bring them back to themselves should they get lost. Unfortunately, Kory succumbs to the brainwashing and believes that she is somebody else. Devastated by this, Dick goes on a rampage, taking down the goons who were partially responsible for doing this to her, he brings brainwashed Kory along after sincerely telling her that he would never leave her.  While waiting in the car, Kory picks up Dick’s recorder and listens to it, realizing that one of Dick’s most painful memories is the fact that he could not tell Kory how he felt about her after they had sex in the first season. Hearing him say this causes her to get her memories back. Desperate to stop the threat, Kory considers a prophecy that predicts that she has the power to stop it, but will die in the process. Dick refuses to entertain this and gets in the way every time she tries to sacrifice herself for the mission. Once they reach the end of their rope, Kory is able to fulfill the terms of the prophecy, leaving Dick visibly borken as he watches her explode in the sky. Fortunately, she is not dead, she floats down and they share a kiss. The series ends with the two of them deciding to start a life together and Dick heavily implying that he would very much like to have that baby with Kory. This was much longer than I expected it to be and I didn’t even touch on everything, but yeah, that’s exactly what happened between Dick and Kory on this show. There was never any jealousy, cheating, love triangles or anything of the sort. They did good.

Binging the podcast since there are no new eps to watch (insert sobbing). I feel like u 2 are very balanced in your criticism and praise. I dont get why people have an issue with you in particular.

Ha Enjoy! We had a blast start to finish.

A quick summary of people's issue with me

Me: Kory having a storyline outside of being Dick's love interest is not an issue, Kory looks beautiful 24/7, and damn near every show has some off-seasons.

Titans 'fans' : Titans writers hate black women that's why she has her own story arc, Kory's wigs and powers look terrible due to said racism, and every season has been bad. You have to be delusional to expect things to get better.

Me: Kay. Then why do you keep watching?

Titans 'fans' :

[stxleslyds]

Red Hood and the lost art of telling Joker to shup up.  

Okay, I know that I talked about Jason and Joker in a recent post but this is something different, I promise.

I really want to talk about how different Jason has been written since UtRH when it comes to him confronting Joker. Jason hasn’t been put in that position a lot but the times that he has, he lets Joker talk for far too long and actually pays attention to whatever he has to say.

The Jason vs Joker thing is basic in on itself and letting Joker talk isn’t exactly the problem here, the real problem is Jason letting Joker’s thoughts shape his future thoughts and decisions, I do understand that that’s exactly what writers want though, they want to build the problematic of: “Jason is just like Joker and the fact that he uses the name Red Hood only proves that Joker made who Jason is now”.

But the thing is that THAT problem is overdone at this point and the only time it worked was the first time it was brought up and it worked because Jason shut the Joker down.

Let’s see all the times (that I remember) the Joker and Jason have had a little chat and/or the times Joker’s words actually influence Jason’s thinking and decision making.

 Under the Red Hood – Batman (1940) #649

This is the first real confrontation we get to see between Jason and Joker after Jason’s death and it is beautiful. It's absolutely amazingly written, Joker goes on and on forever about how he killed Jason about how Jason is just as bad as him but that he is also just like Batman because he hasn’t killed him yet.

“You let me live after everything I did, you couldn’t pop my balloon. You just couldn’t. The apple doesn’t tumble too far from the paterfamilias. You are just like daddy-kins”

Jason lets him talk, yes. But he absolutely destroys Joker with what he tells him next.

“You couldn’t be more wrong about me. If right were a country on earth you’d be circling on the edge of the milky way. Yeah, I let you live but like always, every damned minute of your addled, posturing, psychopathic life, you think this is about you. You’re a worm. I’ve pitched you on a hook and dropped you into the brine. And I will beat the hell out of you Pagliacci because it was too much fun not to.”

“Listen to me Joker, I’m not you. I´m nothing like you. I know what I do and I know why I do it. You, you are, clinically speaking, a whack-job. But I know a secret, a good one.”

“You are not nearly as crazy as you would like us all to believe or even as crazy as you would like to believe. It just makes it easier to justify every sick monstrous thing you’ve ever done when you play the part of the mad clown. You are crazy, bubba, but you ain’t that crazy. Look at that. I wiped a smile off of Joker’s face. I have been waiting a long time for that.”

Everything about this is perfect, Jason gives Joker no room to mess with him. Whatever the Joker had planned on saying he had to eat because Jason wasn’t playing games and he was ready for any kind of lie the Joker had ready to tell. This is Jason Todd. He won’t let the Joker get under his skin because he knows the Joker and he, also, knows better. 

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #15

Here Jason comes across Joker during the “Death of the Family” event. In this issue the Joker has information about all of the members of the “Batfamily” and he uses that to mess around with each one of them, in Jason’s case he insinuates that he was present in very specific moments of his life when Jason’s father got shot, when his mother overdosed and when he was on his own before joining Batman.

Jason doesn’t quite believe that Joker was there but as the reader, we can see this sort of sense of doubt in Jason. He hesitates a few times before resolving that the Joker is playing with him.

But as far as this issue goes let’s just say that what the Joker says doesn’t get to Jason, this changes though in the issue that follows up this story.

Teen Titans (2011) #16

This is where that story continues and where Jason starts to buy the story that Joker is selling.

Joker convinces Jason that he has his father and Tim’s father and that the only way for Jason (or Tim) to save their dads is by killing the other (Jason or Tim). Tim doesn’t believe it but Jason is ready to shoot Tim almost immediately.

However, Jason changes his mind about killing Tim just as Tim comes up with a plan for them to not actually have to kill each other. Here is where Lobdell’s writing shows all of its flaws, Lobdell is so desperate to show that Jason and Tim are besties that he forgets that Jason had no reason to stop trying to kill Tim to save his shit father because it is later revealed that Jason truly believed that Joker had found his father and had him captive. It wasn’t until Tim explained his thought process as to why those men weren’t their dads that Jason just goes “you realize, of course, the only reason I didn’t kill you right off is that I knew your big brain will figure out some way out of this” HA, nice save Lobdell but I see right through your bullshit.

Jason bought what the Joker was selling and that is the beginning of Jason’s downgrade when it comes to not playing Joker’s games.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #17

Well, in this issue Lobdell goes back to Jason kinda not believing what Joker told him, and Jason asks Bruce of all people if he thinks the Joker truly “made him or not”. Bruce says that he doesn’t believe that and that he didn’t have anything to do with the man that Jason has become either. For some reason, Jason is actually happy with what Bruce said and for a couple of moments, Jason goes back to being sure that the Joker knows nothing and that he is his own man.

It doesn’t last long though. At the very end of the issue, the trap that Joker had set up in Jason’s helmet triggers and Jason gets his face fucked up with acid or something.

But that’s not all because a hologram of Joker has something to say: “you were supposed to be my masterpiece from start to finish. But you were too stubborn to stay dead. So here is what we are going to do… You’re so determined to be your own man? Fine, let’s start with a clean slate”.

Basically, the Joker insinuates once more that he had something to do with who Jason was supposed to become and that Jason isn’t truly “his own man”, This is all a setup for a very dense storyline that will be continued in this run later.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #18

In this issue, Jason is in a coma after he is dosed with that gas in the previous issue. The Joker isn’t really present in this issue but he does make an appearance as part of Jason’s “nightmare” while he is unconscious.

That’s not all though, Jason has an illusion of Ducra (someone that he appreciates a lot), telling him that “after you left the All-Castle after you went back to the world you continued to let your life be defined by the actions of that man. You became a killer, lashing out at people who may or may not have deserved it. Eventually, you will hurt all those you have cared for. In that way, how are you any different from the Joker?”.

In this statement, there is a lot of wrongs that can come from two places, either bad writing on Lobdell’s part or just Ducra telling lies as a plot point.

“Let your life be defined by the actions of that man” is a sentence that horribly simplifies Jason’s thinking during the events of UtRH, because while he did resent the Joker, his real problem was with Bruce who had not avenged his death by killing the Joker himself. Also, Jason was doing other things back then, like being a pain in the ass for Black Mask and disrupting the drug trade in Gotham as well as trying to control the drug dealing to children. So that little sentence is just a gross misinterpretation of the true events which means that Ducra was wrong, and “she” continues to be wrong when she says that there might be no difference between Jason and Joker.

Luckily Jason thinks the same because he tells “Ducra”: “…don’t you dare compare me to that monster Ducra. I am nothing like the Joker! Nothing!”

Once again please don’t be fooled by Jason’s thinking because in the next issue it turns around really fast and really bad.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #19

Just a heads up this issue has a change of writer, Lobdell isn’t writing this arc, the writer that gives us this hellish story arc is James Tynion IV.

All that talk about Jason not being affected or not believing what the Joker told him is yeeted out of the window and it’s not a fun ride.

In this issue, Roy and Kory find a Jason that doesn’t know who they are or who he, himself, is. This is because S’aru that little floaty little shit took his memories away after Jason asked him to do so, well Jason asked S’aru to erase every memory that darkness has touched (Joker) and he does that. But him doing that is apparently erasing everything which, holy shit, how messed up is that?

But let’s take a look at what Jason says before he gets his memories taken away: “Not only did the Joker almost take my face, but he tells me he might have manipulated my entire life from the beginning! Even the good is tainted by him now. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t have that kind of doubt. If you take it away, I can go on living. I can keep fighting”. So, yeah that was a pretty emo speech. But the thing here is that if Jason is asking this dude to erase every memory that has been tainted by the Joker and he erases all of them then we might be facing one of two situations, either Joker has been messing up with Jason’s life from the beginning or S’aru is just a little bitch.

We will later find out in #20 that S’aru and Ducra planned the whole thing, meaning that they took all of his memories for ulterior motives not because the Joker had actually tainted all of them.

For many issues Jason has no memories and now that I am revisiting these issues, I now remember the twisted and completely insane plot they came up with for the “League of Assassins” and Jason being the “Chosen One”, everything was happening in this run, my god, it's like they wanted Jason to be the center of every single trope in writing history.

It’s in issue #26 that Jason asks for his memories back but the Joker having tainted his memories or not isn’t important anymore to anyone, including the writer (because he is too focused on telling this messy story), Jason (because he has enough problems at the moment) and the reader (because this book makes zero sense and it changes the story and motivations every single issue).

But there is another truth to be revealed in the next issue.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #27

Jason has planned along Ducra and S’aru to give up all of his memories to be cleansed so he could defeat Ra’s Al Ghul. But (there is always a but) Ducra says this: “Your greatest enemy returned and nearly took your face away from you. And in the process, shook your sense of identity to the core” “The final battle here will take place in the Well of Sins, and with all the doubt and fear clouding your mind, it would eat you whole”.

So yeah, now we have confirmation from Ducra that Jason had indeed let what the Joker told him cloud his sense of self and made him doubt who he was and if he really was in control.

All that back and forth for these many issues just to say, yes, Jason let Joker’s words affect him.

So here it is, let Joker get in Jason’s head to build the plot of a story, fantastic, the story was a mess because it had so much information, the mischaracterizations of Roy and Kory were at their maximum potential, and in this particular story arc not only are the events of Red Hood: The Lost Days officially erased from Jason’s canon but something quite out there is added to Jason’s canon from before he was even Robin (that’s a whole different story that I won’t be talking about here).

What an insane ride this arc was. Definitely not the kind of story I enjoy in a Red Hood book but that’s just my preference.

*This whole arc was written by James Tynion IV.

Red Hood/Arsenal #11

Joker is dead during the events of this run but the person who has something to say to Jason about how the Joker made the person that he is now is Duela Dent (“Joker’s daughter”, she isn’t his daughter she just found Joker’s face somewhere and she puts it on and “becomes” crazy, she is an incredibly weird character).

She says this, “You’re a lot like dad in that way” to which Jason says “He is not my father. He’s not even your father” but Duela continues by saying. “You’re kidding yourself if you genuinely believe that. Yeah, he took your life but look what you got in its place, you ingrate. You got your freedom. You were reborn.” 

Jason doesn’t fall for it or anything of the sort but once again writers are bringing up the Joker as the maker of the Red Hood and “suggesting” that what Jason has been doing and who he has become is all thanks to Joker. The idea of Jason having no free will is still present in this narrative, even when Jason doesn’t believe it.

Red Hood/Arsenal #12

I talked too soon because in this issue Jason is having some weird thoughts.

“Funny, isn’t it, so easy to call Duela “crazy” because she wears a dead man’s face. Because isn’t that what I’m doing? Before he was the Joker, he was the Red Hood. So maybe the line between men and the Joker’s daughter is a lot thinner than I’d like to admit.”

Here he is comparing himself to Duela and to the Joker to an extent, writers often bring up the fact that Jason uses the code name that his killer once had and they have people or Jason himself questioning why he uses that name.

Personally, I don’t think there is much to build from it (at least not from the perspective of Lost Days and UtRH), it was just a joke, a morbid one if you will. He wears the mantle of the person that destroys Gotham and fills its people with fear while he is trying to control the city’s drug trade and trying to keep the people safe in his own way. And the way he wanted to do it is almost the complete opposite of the way that Batman does things.

I just think that he is being ironic and acidic about the whole thing. He has obviously moved on from the fact that Joker killed him but he has issues with the fact that Batman has yet another child working with him while the Joker is still alive. And Jason really wanted to make Bruce suffer, so him taking the name and a similar appearance to how the joker used to look is also done to get a reaction from Bruce.

I really don’t think there is any sort of connection to make between Jason and Joker beyond that, much like there is no connection between the name Nightwing and the Court of Owls. Even though Lincoln March tried to convince Dick Grayson that he chose the name Nightwing because Owls fly at night and that meant that he was supposed to become a Talon and all that Dick still didn’t believe it because he knew why he chose that name and no one can twist his reason.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2016) #10

Finally, I can stop re-reading New 52 books, I don’t enjoy it but I have to do it if I want to talk/complain about stuff.

This one is a little different because while Jason does talk with the Joker, the Joker isn’t really there he is just part of Jason’s imagination just like the Robin Jason that he is also seeing.

In this story, Jason is helping Artemis discover who she is but he gets captured in Qurac, yup that place, and worst of all from where he is being held, he can see the place where he died. All of that is helping Jason have some very vivid memories/illusions. He does actively hold a conversation with the imaginary Joker and Robin Jason though, and he is also having a lot of thoughts that let us know how the Joker affects Jason.

“This is why it was stupid of me to come back to Qurac. Even to help Artemis, even if I thought I could handle it. Physically, I am alone, but in my head? I’m drowning in memories of the worst day of what was my very short life. The day I was murdered.”

That’s what Jason is thinking but what I write next is what Jason’s saying as he talks to the imaginary Joker.

“Not interested in replaying this over again, like I have every night of my life since it happened Joker”

So, we are told that Jason thinks about that day very often, the Joker might not be involved much in Jason’s books but he definitely has a bigger role inside of Jason’s head. They chat for a bit up until Jason decides to “kill” the Joker, he knows, of course, that it is not real but it does give him satisfaction. (If only they would have let Jason actually kill the clown for real, or at the very least chase him just to show the reader that Jason does actually want to finish the job since the Bat won’t do it himself).

Having said all that, Joker’s imaginary death doesn’t last long because Jason is trapped in his mind and the Joker is basically functioning on a loop inside of it.

That is where the problem lies in this issue because Jason is letting us know that he is still heavily influenced by what happened that day and that he hasn’t been able to walk away from it. But once more that’s not the worst thing, because all of these thoughts have led Jason to think that he (in the present and as a fifteen-year-old) is the one to blame for having ended up dead. Yeah, it is messed up.

This is what Jason says to imaginary Robin Jason, “He is never going to die, Jason. Not here. Not in my mind, not if at some point I don’t stand up and walk away from my memories. From you.”

This is a major downgrade, from the Jason that we had in UtRH because that Jason had moved on from the fact that he had been killed what he was looking for was for Batman to avenge his death. He had other things in mind as well, like I said before in this post Jason had a lot of things going on, killing Joker wasn’t his only plan.

And this situation (written by Lobdell) is also very different from what was going on in New 52 where Jason being influenced by the Joker was used to build a plot. This is just a writer letting us know that this “new version” of Jason hasn’t worked out his problems when it comes to his death and his killer. That means that we are going backward.

After he realizes that he was unconscious all that time and that he was being tortured he does get his shit together in order to get out of captivity and go help Artemis.

The Joker and that whole thing that happened in his mind aren’t mentioned again, it was just for the reader to know that Rebirth Jason has unsolved issues with his death.

Batman: Three Jokers #1

Oh yes, here we are, we have arrived to that dreaded book, awful writing gorgeous art. In this book, the “Joker made Jason as he is now” trope is at its full potential; Johns drives this hellish truck of a book at full speed into our homes and then ends it by giving us one of the worst takes on Jason Todd’s characterization ever.

But first, let’s talk about the Joker and Jason interaction in the first issue. As Jason and Barbara are left alone with the Joker that they came across moments ago the Joker begins talking because that’s what he does.

He says this, “I’m the loop-de-loop, the hamster-wheel-of-doom. The cycle of pain each one of you is trapped in. Take “Red Hood” here, for example. Have you ever wondered why he uses my former moniker? Who in their right mind would take on the identity of their killer? Am I right?”

He is obviously being a little shit on purpose and is waiting to see if somebody will take the bait. Jason is the first to talk and he says this: “I took it because I’m owning what you did to me. You made me into this. I will be your destruction”.

Congratulations Jason, you took the bait, and now Barbara will fight with you over it.

Jason raises his gun to “break the cycle” and Barbara is like ��please don’t do it” and boy is Joker having the time of his life! Both of these idiots are playing his game, Johns really did both Jason and Barbara dirty with this.

Here is where THE problem with letting the Joker talk is. This Joker got under Jason’s skin in seconds and Barbara did nothing while it happened.

This is what the Joker had to say. “Let’s look at the facts here bat-people. I bashed this boy’s skull in. I killed this Robin” to which Jason says “You didn’t kill me, you only made me stronger” which is weird because the Joker did kill him so I don’t know what kinda comeback that was supposed to be but Joker wasn’t done because he continues by saying “Yes, you crawled from the shallow grave I left you in. You lived on to fight another day. Hurrah! You survived because of your tenacity! Or maybe… maybe I beat you to a bloody mess… I took you right to the edge… because I wanted to leave you alive.”

Great that’s where the clown is going, just fantastic, more of the “I made you” but that’s not all because the Joker tells Jason that him having hurt Jason wasn’t because he didn’t like Jason, it was all about Batman, Jason doesn’t matter.

But that’s not the worse thing that was written in this awful book, Geoff Johns seems to have felt that the trauma that Jason went through in the original “Death in the Family” story wasn’t enough because he decided to add something new.

That’s why the Joker says this next, “Do you recall what you said to me while I was breaking your head in with that crowbar? As your blood streamed into your eyes and your skull cracked? Because I cherish those words. I’ll always cherish them. ‘Please stop! Please! If you let me live, I’ll do anything you say. I’ll be your Robin’” “And look at you now my little “Red Hood” shooting up people and making Batman’s life miserable! You are my Robin!”

What a nightmare Johns decided to put Jason and Jason Nation through huh? I hate this, this is the worst thing that has ever been written in a Jason Todd story (although I can say that about many things that were written in this three-issue book).

Jason kills the Joker after he says all that, Barbara does (for some reason) try to stop him from doing it but luckily, she can’t stop Jason.

But here is the thing, Jason killing the Joker doesn’t make me feel as satisfied as I would have liked, and it doesn’t feel that way because Jason let Joker talk for far too long and what Joker said ended up getting in Jason’s head and messing with him.

Batman: Three Jokers #2

Yeah, there is no rest for us, Jason Nation, in this issue Jason goes looking for another Joker to kill and he finds one but he gets captured. Johns really had to get Jason naked for Joker to torture him mentally and physically? Johns is, himself, a major red flag but that’s not what I am here to talk about.

In this issue the Joker that captures Jason has the same things to say as the other one, DC writers really have no imagination when it comes to building conflict between Joker and Jason, huh?

Anyway, Joker says this, “tell me something. Why would you put on that helmet and call yourself Red Hood after what we did?” Jason of course replies “Come on, is every one of you copycats gonna ask me the same thing? It’s a joke” the answer isn’t enough for Joker (the two of them that are here with Jason) so he continues talking. “A joke? We left you with brain damage and permanent nerve pain. Physical and emotional trauma so severe that the only relief you ever find is when you inflict pain on others. You and me, boy, we’re more alike than you’d care to admit. But you know that already. You nearly died and you blame the Batman. You hate him for it. Me too. You hate him most of all don’t you?”

Now, here is the thing, that whole thing is bullshit, none of it makes sense. From Jason having permanent nerve pain to Jason hating Batman the most, everything is a lie. And my confusion here is that I don’t know if I have to feel like Joker is doing it on purpose to be a little bitch or if Geoff Johns was on crack when he wrote this and he had actually never heard of Jason Todd in his life before.

The whole thing is a mess, it feels like he is writing Jason from an origin and story that we never read. I don’t know how to explain it, but the whole thing feels cheap, it’s a cheap trope and it’s a cheap take on who Jason Todd is, was, and will be.

The nightmare doesn’t end Jason Nation because these two Jokers have something else in mind, you see, if they said that they made the Red Hood when they killed Jason the first time, maybe if they kill him this time then he could possibly come back as the Joker. Yeah, this book did nothing for Jason.

Let’s make something clear, Jason does NOT hate Batman/Bruce for not being able to save him, he hates the fact that Batman/Bruce didn’t kill the Joker to avenge him. That simple thing doesn’t exist in Three Jokers and that’s why things like the ones that happen next are allowed to happen in this story.

Bruce and Barbara find Jason and when Bruce asks if he is okay Jason just goes berserk, he says: “Am I all right? What do you think Bruce?! You did this to me. You put me on this path. And I do hate you for it. For leaving me in the dirt. Replacing me one Robin after another without a thought.”

This, everybody is what you get when you mix bad writing with Jason being mentally manipulated by the Joker.

It's a shame that Jason is being treated this way at this point in time, in a book that came out in 2020 when Jason was able to shut the clown up with a knife and a couple of words back in 2005. What a downgrade.

At the end of this issue, Jason is safe and recovering but he still is in the same mindset, he says, “What the Joker said about how I’ve been on the path to being like them for years… they are not wrong. I don’t want to be like them though. I really don’t.”

It’s like a never-ending wheel of pain with this book. Jason is talking to Barbara when he says that and he is trying to look for comfort in her. And here is where the Jason/Barbara subplot begins and I only bring this up because something that happens in the next issue is based on the kiss that Barbara gave Jason but then was like “that doesn’t mean anything, I was just trying to comfort you”. Johns shouldn’t be allowed to write Barbara and Jason ever again.

Batman: Three Jokers #3

It’s in this issue that we find out the big subplot that Johns has prepared for Jason, are you ready for it? Yup, Jason should stop being the Red Hood because if he keeps it up, he will eventually become the Joker.

I know, I know! Jason would never stop being Red Hood, he is not on a path to become the Joker, that’s crazy! Jason’s Red Hood is a character on its own and he is amazing and just because he has different morals from Batman doesn’t mean that he is a bad guy! Right?...

“I’ll give up being Red Hood for us. I can be something else. Or I can be just Jason.”

To this day I cannot believe that those words supposedly were written by Jason Todd to Barbara Gordon after Barbara rejected him three times. The level of “what the fuck is this” is incredibly high with this one…

This whole book was a mess and I am so glad that it didn’t last longer.

Anyway, that’s it. In conclusion, Jason didn’t let the Joker get under his skin the first time they interacted after he came back from the dead but later when DC decided that UtRH was just too good of a book they came up with stories where Joker does get under Jason’s skin and Jason becomes convinced that he has no free will (or at the very least he doubts his free will) when it comes to him becoming his own man.

As I have said before, that for Jason Todd is a major downgrade. And it's one of the many things that hurts Jason’s characterization in current comics.

[jimlingss]

AHHHHH YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN!!

Gosh this might be my favorite one so far, I’m on the edge of my seat 😭😭 What happens next? Are they gonna soften up to each other a bit more now? Is OC gonna act super awkward or have a change of heart? Is Yoongi gonna tease her mercilessly or will they try to pretend it never happened ?!?! Obviously you don’t have to answer all that but omg what a cliffhanger. Honestly just shows how great you are at bundling so much emotion and plot into so few words. Great job as always!!! I really loved it ❤️

hahahahahahaha I’m glad you like it as much as I do. honestly I didn’t know the drabble would turn out so well until I was actually in the process of writing it. By the time I was done, I was like damn this shit sLAMS (hence the extensive word count, I just couldn’t stop lol) but I had no clue prior when I was just jotting down the idea.

and honestly, I kind of do have a bit of a vision for what would happen next post-drabble. depending on the drabble, sometimes I have more in mind and for this one I do :> I don’t know if I can answer all your questions, but I’ll happily indulge you...

(I hope you’re prepared for my incoherent rambling).

Yoongi’s all like “good morning” and she just mutters incoherently back, taking the advil and stumbling to the bathroom. She’s mortified. Embarrassed. Ashamed. While Yoongi is all casual and nonchalant. But there’s an amused spark in his eye and he’s in a constant state of I’m-repressing-my-smile/smirk. Our OC here just wants the world to swallow her whole and she’s highkey hoping she slips on a puddle of water near the shower and slams her head on the tiles and just gets knocked into a coma to avoid all of this. 

Anyway, when she gets out and she’s all better, cleaned up, etc. she’s surprised to see Yoongi still sitting on the couch just scrolling through his phone. They remain silent. And for the first time in a looong time, it’s just quiet between the two of them. No jabs. No fighting. No comments. Then he’s all like “wanna grab breakfast? I’m heading down” and she’s like “yeah sure ok whatever.”

At the breakfast buffet is when the real shit hits the fan. They grab their plates and sit across from each other and Yoongi’s not a confrontational guy but when it comes to his wife, every rule about him ceases to exist. so he goes in for the kill. “so you miss the sex, huh?” and she sputters, spits, chokes on her overcooked eggs. “what?” but he repeats himself (“you want me to spit on you.”) while chewing food in his cheek, not even blinking, not even batting a lash. She tries to pretend that she has no idea what he’s talking about. Playing dumb isn’t hard. Pretending she doesn’t remember anything after drinking so much is even easier. But he knows. And Yoongi’s not gonna let this go.

So she decides to switch tactics and goes for the “you’re really going to take a drunk person’s words seriously? I was drunk. I didn’t know what I was saying.” but he bites back with the whole “drunk words are sober thoughts” and ofc she has nothing to say to that or any method of deflection so she just calls him a stupid idiot. and he’s all like “apparently a stupid idiot that you still love.” and that’s K.O. for her. 

She has no words so she stands up and stomps off and Yoongi rolls his eyes but chases after her and is asking her where she’s going and she’s like “I don’t know, away from you!” and she continues to insist she didn’t mean anything by what she said last night and that it was just a projection because she’s lonely here and that’s she’s been lonely. and that just upsets and angers Yoongi. 

Long story short, the heated moment and argument (that’s somehow unlike their other arguments - less insults and more softened words/touches), they end up back at their hotel room and have hate sex. lol. where Yoongi’s all like “why can’t you fucking be honest for once in your life?”, “why does it take you being completely wasted for you to tell me what you actually want?!” and it keeps escalating as she insists everything was lies and he spits in her mouth, idk, they just go hard (literally asdfghjkl) until they’re both coming and she finally scream-cries that she does love him. and as he’s on top of her, sweating, heaving, calming down, he’s about to smirk and be like “took you long enough” but before he can get the words out, he freezes. because our OC is quietly sobbing and he looks down at her like ???? and she asks him why he can’t be honest at all.

Then the hate sex turns into soft, crying, embracing make-up sex (LMAO they just have a lot of sexual tension in their system). with the kind of “you think I didn’t care? wrong.” dialogue. and it’s Yoongi’s turn to be honest with his own feelings.

[demxters]

When There Was Me and You-Part 1

jj maybank x reader 

summary: When the reader finally awakens from a coma, JJ Maybank’s world gets turned upside down.

word count: 3.7k 

warnings: swearing, mentions of a car accident (?), descriptions of a panic attack 

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a/n: i’m so excited to share this with you all! i worked on this all night so i hope you guys enjoy! i’m not sure how long this series will be yet, but i hope to get the next part out soon! 

(not my gif) 

***

Beep. Beep. Beep. 

JJ felt like he was in purgatory. The constant beeping of the heart monitor was currently the only thing giving him hope. It’s been three weeks, 504 hours, 30,240 minutes, and 1,814,400 seconds (he may or may not have begged Pope to do the math) since he’s last heard your voice. His sweaty hand was firmly grasping yours, afraid that if he let go you would slip away. JJ didn’t dare go further than the hospital cafeteria while you were there. The Pogues and your parents had to practically drag him out of there every other day to get him to shower, get a change of clothes, and eat some food. And every time he left, he made sure that whoever was watching you promised to call him for even the slightest change in your state. Because the hospital only allowed one overnight patient to stay with you, your parents were kind enough to give that privilege to JJ. 

“JJ, it’s my turn to take over,” Kie’s voice breaks the unbearable silence. 

He lets out a shaky breath. He goes through this routine every time he has to leave your room, even if it was just to use the restroom. He squeezed your hand, and silently counted to 10 in his head. 

10… 

He places a kiss to your palm. 

9…

Then one on your wrist. 

8… 

Another in your hair, 

7… 

On your forehead,

6… 

The apples of your cheeks, 

5… 

Your chin, 

4… 

The spot behind your ear that you loved so much, 

3… 

And finally your lips. 

2… 

1… 

JJ’s lips leave yours, his tears falling onto your cheeks. He wipes them away and leans his forehead against yours. “I’ll be back before you know it, my love,” he whispers. “I love you.” He turns to face Kiara who’s patiently waiting by the door. “If anything changes, anything at all-” 

“I know, I know. Call you right away,” Kie says. 

JJ nods, walking past Kiara and giving her a hug. He buries his head into her neck and mumbles, “Thank you for being here.” 

At this Kiara feels her eyes begin to water, her heart aching for her two best friends. “Of course,” she whispers to him. 

JJ lets Kiara go and gives you one last look before walking out of the room and into the dimly lit hallway. On his way down the hall, he sees your parents sitting a little ways outside your hospital room with their heads pressed together as they spoke in hushed whispers. 

Your mom notices JJ walking their way and nudges your father who looks up from the catalog in his lap. “JJ,” your mom says, with a small smile. 

“Mrs. Y/L/N, Mr. Y/L/N,” he greets back with a small nod, shoving his hands into the pocket of his shorts, stopping in front of them. 

Your dad stands up and shows the catalog that was in his lap to JJ. “We’re thinking of ordering Y/N a bouquet. Which one do you think she’ll like best? Y/M/N thinks that she’ll like the lilies, but I completely disagree. I think she’ll like roses.”

JJ doesn’t even have to look down at the catalog to know which flowers to get you.“Sunflowers,” he states. “You should get her sunflowers.” 

“That’s an excellent choice JJ,” your mom says. “Are you heading out?” 

“Only for a little while,” JJ says. “Just for a quick shower and a change of clothes. I’ll be back before the nurse’s rounds.” 

Your dad sits down, clearing his throat. “JJ, thank you for being here for us, for her.” 

At your father’s words JJ feels the need to cry once again. He harshly swallows the lump in his throat. He can only bring himself to nod before walking away to his bike in the parking lot. 

As JJ rode home, he couldn’t help but think about the last time he spoke to you. If only he hadn’t let you go. If only he had begged you to stay. But he didn’t. And he has to live with knowing that what happened to you was all his fault. 

_____ 

“JJ, I have to go,” you say with a laugh as the blonde haired boy pulls you back into his chest. 

“Noooo,” he whines. “Just stay with me tonight, please.” He places an arm around your waist and uses his other hand to keep you firm against his chest. 

“You know how my mom gets,” you say with a sigh. You slightly push back on his hand, his grip loosening a bit, and rest your chin on his chest looking up at him. “I promise, tomorrow it’ll be just you and me out on The Pogue. No John B constantly pestering us to keep the PDA to a minimum, no Kie and Pope bickering, and no Sarah constantly bugging us about reapplying sunscreen. Just us.” You give him a quick peck on his chin then move your lips to his. 

JJ immediately reciprocates the action, his lips moving with the familiar rhythm of yours in a kiss that you have both shared a thousand times before. Barely pulling away, JJ mumbles against your lips, “Fine. But promise me you’ll text me when you get home.” He gives you a stern look, one similar to a parent scolding their child. 

“Of course I will.” You knew JJ would be on your ass about it if you didn’t. You unwrap your arms from around his neck and quickly give him one last kiss on his lips. You laugh as he leans forward trying to capture your lips with his once more. You walk backwards towards the front door of the Chateau and blow him a kiss, exaggerating the noise when your palm hits your lips. “I love you!” you say with as much enthusiasm as you can muster. 

“And I love you, baby!” JJ responds back with a laugh, pretending to catch your kiss and stuffing it in his pocket. He watches you go, with the biggest smile on his face, wondering how the hell he got so lucky to have someone like you to love him in his life. 

_____

JJ walks into the Chateau like a man on a mission. The longest he’s ever spent away from the hospital since you were admitted was thirty minutes, and he plans to keep it that way. 

“Hey.” JJ hears John B’s voice say the second he pulls the door to the Chateau open. “How is she?” 

JJ sighs, running a hand through his hair. “The same.” He harshly tugs at the roots of his hair. “The doctor said the wounds on her ribs are healing fine and that he’s confident she’ll wake up within the next week or so.” 

“But you think it’s bullshit,” John B responds before taking a sip from his beer. 

“I don’t know what I think anymore man,” JJ says, his voice wavering. “All I know is that I want her to wake up. I just want everything to go back to the way it was.” JJ’s voice breaks towards the end of his sentence, tears openly streaming down his face, unable to keep it all in anymore. He’s been breaking down more and more as each day passed with your absence. 

“JJ-” John B starts. 

JJ doesn’t give him the opportunity to finish. “I need to go shower.” 

_____ 

JJ fell asleep in the guest room waiting for your text when it happened. The first time his phone rang, he ignored it thinking it was spam. The second time it rang, he declined the call without even opening his eyes. The third time it rang, he forced himself to open his eyes, slightly squinting from the brightness of his screen. The second he read the caller id he knew something was wrong. Your mother never called JJ. The only reason why she had his number was to help him plan your surprise birthday party last year. A sick feeling fills his stomach as he answers the phone. 

“Mrs. Y/L/N?” 

“Oh, thank god,” your mother lets out a sigh of relief. “JJ, it’s Y/N.” 

JJ feels his heart rate quicken in fear. “What’s wrong?” he frantically asks. “Is everything alright?” 

He hears your mother let out a choked sob before she responds. “She got into an accident on the way home,” she releases a shaky breath before continuing. “Some drunk idiot was on the road and…” She trails off letting out another sob. “And he hit her head on. When the paramedics got to the scene, Y/N was unconscious. She’s in the ER right now but we haven’t had any news about her condition.” 

JJ can barely process the words coming from your mother’s mouth. It’s as if his body began moving on autopilot as he tells your mom that he’ll be there as soon as he can. As JJ pulls on his boots, he accidentally knocks into the dresser behind him causing various objects that were sitting on top of it to topple off. “Fuck!” JJ lets out in frustration. 

Hearing the ruckus from the other room, John B is awakened from his slumber and stumbles down the hallway and to JJ’s room. “JJ? What the hell is going on? It’s nearly one in the morning,” John B says with a groan, leaning on the doorframe. 

“It’s Y/N, man. Sh-She got into an accident and she’s at the hospital and-shit!” He says as his foot got caught in one of his loose articles of clothing that was scattered on the floor. 

John B is suddenly wide awake when he hears that you’re in the hospital. He swiftly turns around running back to his room and grabs his car keys off his dresser. 

JJ nearly bumps into John B on his way out of his room and questions, “What are you doing?” 

“Coming with you, of course. You know you can’t drive in this state right?” John B knew just how reckless JJ could be and with your life at stake he knew JJ wasn’t in the right headspace to drive. 

JJ just frantically nods, quickly making his way to John B’s van. Sitting in the passenger’s seat as John B makes his way towards the hospital, JJ couldn’t help but wonder if this was all his fault. If only he had driven you home then maybe you wouldn’t be in the hospital right now. Maybe it would’ve been him who got hit head on instead, and you’d be safe on the passenger’s side. If only he had not taken no for an answer then you’d still be here, safe in his arms where you belonged. 

“Dude, she’s going to be ok,” John B says, feeling the anxiety reeking off of JJ in waves. He noticed that JJ hadn’t stopped bobbing his leg up and down ever since he sat down in the car. 

JJ doesn’t say anything. He just stares out the window, hoping that everything’s going to be ok. 

_____

A series of knocks coming from outside the bathroom snaps JJ out of his thoughts. 

“JJ!” he hears John B hollar. “JJ hurry your ass up! She’s awake!” 

JJ shuts off the water, standing rigidly still for a moment. 

“She’s awake,” John B says, slightly softer. “Y/N’s awake.” 

JJ is out of the shower and changed in record time. He steps out of the bathroom with his hair still dripping, droplets of water visible on his dark blue t-shirt. “Damn it!” JJ says, running out of the Chateau, John B hot on his trail. “I said I’d be there. I promised her I’d be there when she woke up!” He slams his hand into the passenger side door of the van.

“Hey!” John B scolds, standing face to face with JJ. “Calm down, man. What matters right now is that she’s awake. Now get in the van.” 

JJ practically throws himself into the passenger’s seat, his heart racing at the thought of seeing you conscious again. To finally see your y/e/c eyes staring into his and to just be in your presence once more…

_____

“Where is she?” JJ shouts, walking into the ER. He sees your mom standing by the front desk with her arms tightly wrapped around herself. “Mrs. Y/L/N,” he says with a quieter tone. 

Your mom looks up from where she was staring at the floor to meet JJ’s stare. She lets out another sob before walking over to him and engulfing him in a hug, squeezing him tight. 

JJ hesitantly reciprocates the hug. When your mother finally pulls away JJ asks again, “Where is she? Is she ok?” 

She swallows down another sob. “She’s with the doctors right now. There’s no news on her current state. Why don’t you come with me to the waiting room? Y/D/N is there waiting for word on her condition,” your mother says putting a hand on JJ’s back and leading him to the waiting room. 

Your father looks up at the sound of the approaching footsteps and gives JJ a slight nod when he walks into the room. 

“Any news?” your mother asks, sitting in the seat next to your father. 

“No, not a word.” 

JJ settles himself a couple chairs down from your parents. He’s not sure if he leaves the space for them or for himself. The silence is deafening, leaving JJ with nothing but his thoughts to run a mile a minute. You were going to be ok, he tried to convince himself. You had to be. His girl was a fighter and you would get through this. JJ rested his elbows on his knees, holding his head in his hands as he held in the tears that threatened to spill. He couldn’t lose you. Not when you were the only thing he loved more than anything in this world. You were his rock, his anchor. You kept him from spiraling out of control. Whenever he found himself acting impulsively, you always crossed his mind. He always tried to think about the consequences and how it would affect you. And though there were times he couldn’t help himself, you were always there to take care of him, to keep him safe, to love him. Without you, everything would fall apart. He would fall apart. 

The sound of two knocks on the waiting room door catches JJ and your parents attention, causing the three of you to stand up. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Y/L/N?” the doctor says, stepping into the room. 

“That’s us,” your father answers, stepping forward with your mother. 

JJ silently stands to the side, listening to the whole ordeal. 

“I’m Dr. Kavanaugh,” he introduces himself, giving them a hand to shake. He then turns to JJ, with his hand still extended. “And you are?”

“He’s Y/N’s boyfriend,” your mother answers for him. 

“Ah, nice to meet you,” Dr. Kavanaugh replies, still waiting for JJ to shake his hand. 

JJ reluctantly takes his hand, giving it a firm squeeze. 

“So, what’s the news Doc?” your father asks. “Will she be ok?” 

Dr. Kavanaugh looks to your father before giving his reply. “The good news is, her condition is stable. Other than the bruises on her ribs and the cuts on her face, her body’s in good shape.” 

“Oh, thank god,” your mother says as your father wraps an arm around her shoulders.

“So what’s the bad news then?” JJ abruptly asks. He doesn’t mean for it to come out so harsh, he was just tired of the doctor taking his sweet time to tell them what’s wrong. “You said that was the good news, so what’s the bad?” 

Dr. Kavanaugh turns to JJ before letting out a sigh and looking back to your parents. “The bad news is, she’s currently in a comatose state.” He pauses before continuing. “We don’t know how long she’s going to be like that or when she’s going to wake up. The best thing we can do for now is watch over her and look for any signs of complications.”

A coma. The love of his life was in a coma. It felt like the walls were closing in on him as JJ suddenly began hyperventilating. He was lightheaded and unable to comprehend what was going on around him. He pushed his way past your parents and the doctor ignoring their calls for him to come back. He stumbles down the hallway, leaning against the wall for support. The only thing that was running through his head was the thought of you being in a coma. That they didn’t know when you were going to wake up, or if you ever were. JJ feels himself crash into another body and almost falls to the floor, but the person hoists him up by his elbows. 

“Woah, JJ, you good?” John B’s voice sounds like it’s miles away. 

“I think he’s having a panic attack,” another voice says. Female. JJ identifies. The voice is female. 

John B moves JJ to one of the chairs that are lined up in the hallway and steps aside so Kiara can bring JJ back to reality. 

Kiara crouches down in front of JJ, holding onto his knees to keep herself steady. “Hey, JJ, can you hear me?” 

JJ slightly nods, his mouth too dry for him to respond.

“Good,” Kie’s voice soothes. “Now I need you to breathe with me ok? Can you do that?”

JJ nods again, beginning to follow Kiara’s instructions to breathe in and out. 

“That’s it, there you go,” Kiara says. She waits for a moment, letting JJ regain his senses come back to them. “You don’t need to talk now. Just let us know whenever you're ready.” 

JJ blinks a couple of times before finally being able to see clearly again. He sees Kiara crouched in front of him with a reassuring smile while Pope, John B, and Sarah stand behind her with looks of concern on their faces. JJ swallows, before telling them the news. He chokes up as he begins to tell them what happened, starting from when you left the Chateau, to the accident, and finishing at where you are now. 

Pope takes off his hat, putting his hands behind his head as he tilts his head back trying to stop the tears that are threatening to fall. Kiara lets out a small gasp as she starts to cry. Sarah buries her face into John B’s neck, sobs shaking her form. And John B just stares blankly at the wall, trying to stay strong for the rest of them. But JJ doesn’t miss the small tear that escapes from his right eye. 

At the sight of all his friends breaking down in front of him, he begins to break down too, his sobs becoming loud gasps for air. JJ buries his face in his hands and whispers, “It’s all my fault,” over and over again. 

Kiara is the first to move, capturing JJ in a tight hug as the others are close to follow. The five friends hold each other, sobbing for their best friend and the uncertainty that’s to come. 

_____ 

John B dropped JJ off in front of the hospital so he could go in first while he looked for a parking spot. 

JJ walked through the hospital dodging other patients, visitors, and nurses as best as he could as he made his way to your room. He could see Kiara standing outside of your hospital room with a faint smile on her lips. 

The door to your room was open and he could hear your faint voice talking to your parents and the doctor. God, how he missed your voice. JJ makes his way inside the room to see you sitting up and sipping some water out of a straw. “Y/N?” he whispers, his voice slightly shaking at the thought of you being awake again. He takes in your appearance thinking you look as beautiful as someone possible could from coming straight out of a coma. There’s a slight tinge of pink on your cheeks that have been pale for the past few days and your hair looks like it’s been groomed, probably by your mother. He takes another tentative step into the room, unable to help the smile that comes across his face. “Y/N,” he states this time. 

“JJ-” your mother starts, but he cuts her off.

JJ’s eyes well up with tears as he makes his way to the foot of your bed. “Thank fuck your ok,” he says with a small laugh getting a look of disapproval from Dr. Kavanaugh. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up. I know I promised I’d be here but I had to run to John B’s to shower.” He pauses and smiles at you again. “God, I missed you.” A look that JJ can’t decipher crosses over your face. He thought you’d be at least a little more excited to see him. 

You look to the doctor, then to your mom, as she nods and encourages you to speak. “Thank you. That’s so sweet of you to be here but…” you trail off trying to gather your thoughts. “I’m sorry, I don’t quite know who you are.” 

Your mother looks down at her lap, while your father puts a hand on JJ’s shoulder whispering to him, “JJ, come on, I need to speak with you outside.”

JJ shrugs your father’s hand off his shoulder and steps away from him. This had to be some kind of sick joke. “Very funny guys,” JJ says with a dry laugh, turning from your parents, to the doctor and then back to you. “Y/N, if this is your way of getting back at me for all the pranks I used to play on you then it worked. You got me good. Now come on, drop the act.” He desperately looks at you as the look of confusion on your face only grows. 

“JJ,” your father whispers to him again. 

“No,” JJ whispers. “No, this can’t be happening.” 

You push a strand of hair that fell in your face behind your ear before looking at JJ once more. “I’m really sorry,” you say softly. “But should I know you?”

JJ felt a sharp pain in his chest at your words. Those five goddamn words that broke his heart.

taglist: @sunflowerbecca​ @write-from-the-heart​ @5sos-xmalumx​ 

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[dawn-of-tomorrow]

shoutout to @punishing-gray-raven-ocs for this ask game!! (didin't expect to be tagged with one so soon lolol but i'm overjoyed~~ ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡❤️❤️)

1) What made you even think of trying Punishing Gray Raven? What made you stick with it?

Funny story actually-- I've long heard about PGR, way back when it was first released even, but I just didn't give it a chance back then mainly because it was in CN and I couldn't understand shit (rather ironic given how I am now lmao).

As for why I decided fairly recently, a couple of months give or take, to give PGR a shot? It's mainly due to the fact that I heard that the Global version would be out very soon, so I thought why not dive into what I've missed so far... not knowing that I'd become THIS obsessed with the game, aha~.

The most obvious thing that made me stick to this game are the interesting cast of characters, the "fun" story, the amazing yet simple game mechanics, and etc. etc.

2) What problems, if any, do you have with PGR?

Honestly speaking, the thing that most VEXES me at the moment about PGR, specifically PGR Global, is the wonky translations. It feels like a group of half-assed fan translators and one official translator who's not doing a good enough job with reigning everyone in instead of feeling like a group of professional translators who know what they're doing. Hell, I've seen better translations from some of my twitter mutuals!

3) Who is your favorite Construct, and why?

Lee. There's no question about it, Lee is my most favorite Construct at the moment (and forever perhaps ohoho~). As for why, god, hold that mic for a bit, I'm gonna go on a fucking rant. Ehem.

First of all, let's start with the most basic of things, like his appearances; As Palefire, he looks like this suave, very aloof, super serious, unapproachable, and "gets shit done efficiently" type of person, and while that description certainly isn't wrong, it's also hiding more layers of Lee's overall personality; as Entropy, he certainly looks and feels bit more casual than before, along with feeling somewhat more, even if a tiny bit, more honest with his feelings and easier to approach than before.

Despite being a serious, no-nonsense, grumpy guy, he's prone to occasionally quip and snark at anyone at their own expense especially if they get on his nerves (see his interactions with Kamui, not even the Commandant is spared from this!). He's also not as cold and distant as he may come across, given that, early on, he quite literally jumps in front of Liv to take a hit that was meant for her with absolutely no hesitation whatsoever, he's almost always the first person to make comments on the Commandant's state as well as express his undiluted feelings (though not without hiding it on occasion behind anger/annoyance, thus making it a case of "anger born from worry").

You can also easily tell if you pay close enough attention to his dialogue and actions that he's not good with expressing his true feelings even to the people he cares about (thankfully Murray, Skk, Lucia, Liv, Kamui, etc. can usually pick up on what he really wants to say), is the type to often be misunderstood due to him being the kind of person who believes in "actions speak louder than words", that he's used to taking care of others instead of prioritizing himself even to his own detriment; while making it clear that he prefers to think and act in a logical and practical manner, he's not exempt to having emotions/feelings, as such, he can be pretty empathetic towards other people even if he doesn't look like it (he's even the first one in the Gray Raven squad to point out WHY EXACTLY the people they come across in Echo Aria refuse to leave their homes even with high risk of the Red Tide washing everything away, and fully understanding as well as getting it).

Alrighty I'm gonna cut that segment short now before this becomes too long for anyone to read through, ehe~!

4) What made you think of designing PGR OCs, instead of making yourself into a self-insert?

.... Actually, truth be told, both of my Skks are, in some way, self-inserts~. It's just that they start out as one before eventually developing into their own characters with only hints/traces of their self-insert origin. Though my Construct OCs are definitely not self-inserts, that much I can certainly say so!

I made them mainly because I really enjoyed the official cast so much I wanted to make characters that would get to interact with them somehow, though I take great care in making sure they aren't TOO out of character with how they're canonically portrayed.

5) What's your thought process behind creating your OCs?

Honestly, it usually starts of something like this--

"lol wouldn't it be funny if I made this type of character? Oooh, what if they interacted with this character? Or this character? Or that character? Let's see, what's missing... Backstory and profile, check. Appearance, I'll sketch one in a bit. Hmmm... I know! *drowns the OC in mountains load of angst*"

6) What's your favorite chapter from the main story?

If I'm limited to talking only about the main chapters currently released on Global then it would have to be Fallen Star, mainly because it's Watanabe's time to shine~. (*´∀｀*)

However, if we were to look at the overall chapters, then, I would have to say Imprisoned Sight.

7) What do you think of the new Liv shown in the latest stream? Where do you think the story is going with her? What do you think happened to Gray Raven?

With Liv, I have a really bad and somber feeling about what Kuro Game has in store for her, given how she looks almost complete different than what she's looked so far, as well as the vibe her new look gives off.

Fuck, I wouldn't be surprised if they decided to thanos snap her memories away as well like they did with Lucia, or worse, infect her with the Punishing and turn her into an actual enemy (for a while before we get her back).

As for Gray Raven, considering what happened at the end of Evernight Beat, wherein the Skk is in a fucking coma with a chunk of the Mother Structure lodged in their abdomen, while Lee and Lucia are in repairs along with Liv, and, if I recall correctly, the Merciful One managed to reach Babylonia and is now onboard the space station as well-- I have a feeling that the despairing Liv will be approached by her and be given a new frame.

8) Have you seen the animated shorts? What do you think of them?

If you're talking about the Panini anime then yes, I've watched them already! Still ripping my insides open from laughter everytime I watch them lol. Favorite episode has got to be the toilet episode, next to that would be the episode where Chrome takes Kamui to Karenina and Liv for training.

9) So do Constructs eat or not? (I'm really confused, especially since I saw Karenina sipping a drink in one of the shorts)

Oh they most certainly can! Fuck, it's even explicitly stated that Camu likes to eat and sample foods whenever he can (revealed in his secrets, as well as his affection stories).

As Camu explains, while they don't get nutrients from human food, they most certainly can still enjoy them and use them as a type of fuel.

10) Do you think Kamui and/or Camu will be a really pivotal plot device at some point, considering how the information on Kamui is so top secret?

Hmmmm.... unless the story at that point is revolving around Kurono Ops and how shady they're being, then personally speaking, the chances are slim.

11) Do you think, at any point, any of the Gray Ravens will die off?

Naaaaaah. They won't do that. Sure, they TECHNICALLY killed off Lucia, but she's still "alive" in a sense, so it both counts and doesn't count.

Besides, sometimes death isn't the worse thing you can inflict on someone/a character~.

12) Who is your least favorite Construct, and why?

I don't really hate/dislike any of the Constructs if I'm being honest. Though I hate how shitty of a unit Sophia is, and that it's kinda pitiful that she's become even more useless now that the new S-Liv is here; but I am in no way saying you should stop using her, keep using Sophia if you really like her! It's your choice after all, and I'm not about to contest you on that part, after all, everyone's enjoyment is subjective.

13) What part of PGR's lore really holds your attention?

The part of the lore that really holds my attention are the characters, and seeing how they react and act to the situations happening to and around them, especially concerning the Punishing and forces out of their control~.

[hansolmates]

jjk; angel’s trumpet [02]

summary; one second, your life is flashing before your eyes and the next, you’re transported into a world exactly like your own. but the jungkook you meet in this world isn’t a renowned singer or your former almost-lover, in fact he has no clue who you are and why you know him so well. as you work to find your way home lost and confused, you conclude that you’re either dead or in the middle of the most wicked drug trip of your life. pairing; idol!jk x reader (f), alternatively film producer!jk x reader genre/warnings; fluff, angst, supernatural, idol!au, non-idol!au, alternate universes, themes of fate, language, alcohol consumption, mentions of smut in future chapters w.c; 3.5k a/n; i know it feels like a lot of bg and internal conflict but y/n!! our girl is struggling! she’s processing and is going through some times BUT things will spice up soon so thank you for all the love +notes, see you again thursday! 

[01] [02] [03]-> masterpost

The two most frequent contacts in your phone (you hope it’s your phone? It’s the same edition and everything) are Jimin and Taehyung. 

Jungkook (or not-Jungkook) high-tailed it out of there as soon as he deemed your reactions unfit for basic human society. He muttered that you were crazy and probably under something, and sped off in his motorcycle just like that. Like you were a stranger. 

It's not easy to ignore the aftermath of your heart after taking yet another rejection, but you're independent and you must stride forward in this strange situation. Taking a cautionary look around the area, you clutch your phone like a lifeline, tethering you together in this unfamiliar place. There's not many people around, but you spot a large library and a playground. Professionals are mulling from building to building, zombies in wrinkled suits and dripping iced coffees. Your phone displays an innocent 7:51, revealing how early it is. Toggling between the two friends in your contacts you take your chances and start with Jimin. The phone rings once, twice, before his dulcet voice chimes in your ear. 

“Babe?” he croons, and your heart drops at the sickly warm tone, “you can’t get enough of me after what we did last night?” 

You’re going to throw up. Scratch that, acid is already bubbling through your throat and you force yourself to tamp it down. There is no, no way in hell could you have hooked up with Park Jimin in your lifetime. 

Unless this is hell. 

“Jimin,” you steel your voice, hoping he can’t hear how absolutely mortified you are. You can picture this version of Park Jimin now, laying around in bed with crossed legs and casually enjoying how much you’re squirming on the other line, “I just need you to tell me where I live so we can move on with our lives.” 

He laughs, giggles bubbling like soft pink champagne. “Wow, I really must’ve fucked your brains out if you can’t even remember where you live.” God, in what life would Park Jimin be “fucking your brains out”? Maybe you should find a trashcan just in case you do puke on the sidewalk. “Y’know, you signed your lease with Taehyung a month ago? You just moved in last week?”

“T-Taehyung?” you stutter, trying to imagine the notion, “I live with Taehyung?” 

A beat passes, and you realize that just like you scared not-Jungkook away, you could be doing the same to Jimin. 

He says your name softly, gone the cocky tone you were initially bombarded with. “Are you okay? You could’ve waited for me to wake up, y’know. We had a lot to drink last night.” he mumbles, almost cutely if it weren’t for the fact the he was insinuating sex two seconds ago, “Did you eat?” 

“‘M fine,” you mumble, trying to chalk up your previous question with inhiberation. “Just loopy, I guess. I almost got hit by a motorbike, so my brain is probably just catching up.” 

“You got hit? Did you call a hospital?” great, now Jimin’s panicked. “Where are you? I’m gonna go get you. Drop your location, I’m leaving now!” 

“I’m fine!” you snip, and you feel bad for nearly screaming on the line. “I’m almost home, I’m just gonna lay in bed and sleep it off. I’ll call you later, okay?” 

You don’t bother hearing his response, and you hang up. You then start to furiously scroll Taehyung’s chat wall, noting that he’s on an academic trip with his students until next week and you have the apartment to yourself. After a good ten minutes of scrolling and reading conversations that you can’t recollect you finally catch the address to your shared apartment. 

The city is the same, fortunately. So are the bus stops, and you’re thankful that your bus pass has some fare money. Turns out you’re starting your journey at the University of Seoul. The bus routes are the same as well, and you manage to take a tour of your side of the city, noting the tiny differences in the town. 

For example, there’s no BigHit Entertainment in its usual spot. Instead it’s an additional practice  space for Cube Entertainment. 

There’s no fanfare to your city tour, and it almost feels like you’re just a normal woman taking a ride home. There’s still the same trees and squirrels, familiar odeng stands and ice cream shops. It feels like you’ve been cut and pasted into this world with no rhyme or reason, a fever dream. 

The bus circles around the usual route once more until you’re in front of your supposed home, only a twenty minute bus ride from where Jungkook almost ran you over. 

It’s a lot, and you realize on the drive over that you’re probably in deeper shit than you could ever imagine. You pull out your keys, and instead of seeing the ramen keychain Jungkook got you when he went to Tokyo Disney, instead it’s replaced by a university ID labeled Assistant Professor under your full name. 

You pin that new fact for later and focus on getting inside.

Your apartment is nice, you muse. Simple black and white furniture, but there’s a definitive home-ness to it. There’s a moss green afghan folded up on the couch, presumably made by the artist himself. You’re glad Taehyung’s appeal for the arts hasn’t been lost, as revealed by the frames on the walls detailing pictures of you and Taehyung’s families, and some of Jimin and Taehyung. 

Deeper into the apartment you find your room. You choke back a sob at the familiar bedsheets your parents bought you at Target, and you even notice some familiar clothing pieces folded haphazardly in the corner. Instead of your bed being filled with shameless BT21 PR however, your RJ and Mang are replaced with simple panda and cat plushies. 

Finally letting your tears fall, you sob loudly into your pillows, hugging and grappling at anything to comfort you. You feel achy and tired, as if your heart has fallen out of your body and nothing can fill the void. As much as your bed sheets feel the same, as genuine as those pictures are in your shared living room, this isn’t your home. 

•━━━━━━»••»💮💮💮«••«━━•

Between your bouts of crying and forcing yourself to stomach cheap ramen, you find out a couple of things. 

You’re an assistant professor at Seoul University. At least this version of you is. A little part of you is pleased by this, you have always wanted to teach at the university level before settling with BigHit. To your chagrin however, you’re not a language professor. 

To your horror, you’re a pre-medical student teaching two “History of Neuroscience” classes. It’s only two classes because according to your Google calendar, you’re also balancing the completion of  your final thesis on muscular dystropathy among low-income neighborhoods. 

Dear god, if your parents ever found out you could’ve been a doctor in another life, they’d be surely choking on their own spit. In this world, you probably weren’t lazy and wholly capable of achieving the impossible. 

You don’t know why you spend the next two hours sending emails to your students about cancelling the next week of classes. Fortunately all your lessons are neatly packaged in your drive, and you send out an email with said lessons citing your mental health and how you’ll resume direct instruction the following week. 

From time to time, your eyes can’t help but travel to the frames and polaroids that decorate your walls. Some of the memories are vaguely similar, a house in the suburbs, an annoying cousin who can’t stop and won’t stop pulling at your pigtails, a movie night with unlimited pizza and breadsticks. 

Some of them are far and beyond your state of recognition. Jimin and you playing hopscotch by the river, Taehyung stuffing his face with fried potato skins in a cheap hole-in-the-wall, you winning the blue ribbon at your high school’s science fair. 

You could very well walk out of this life and just focus on going back home, but something tells you that you need to continue on with this life, at least for now. 

It feels too real to be a dream. When you tug at your hair tie, it’s painful when it snaps across your wrist. Your skin blooms with color upon impact. Could you die in this world? If Jungkook had not skidded in time, would you have survived a motorcycle accident? 

Three days pass like that. You’re contemplating, absorbing information. In-between pints of ice cream and crying your ducts out, you’re drawing conclusions. Could you be in a coma? A very realistic, painful coma? But Jimin and Taehyung are still sending you texts and the day turns to night as painfully slow as it always has. A coma can’t fake a forty person class, all of them vying for your attention through various emails and Zoom calls. It can’t be it. 

And as you rummage through your drawers, check every bit of social media and even your yearbook photos, you also confirm that Jeon Jungkook has no place in this version of your life. It saddens you greatly, and reminds you eerily about the heated conversation you had before all of this. The Jungkook from days ago, the one who looked terrified when you tried to touch him, only met you through happenstance. 

By day four, you get a phone call. There’s no picture next to the contact, only named Biggie Mentor. After a few rings, you finally get the courage to answer the call. 

A deep timbre seeps its way through the line, and you almost whine at how much you missed him. “y/n,” Namjoon says, but he doesn’t sound happy, “tell me why our students said you cancelled all of your classes this week due to mental health?” 

If Namjoon’s your mentor, that means you’re probably in deep shit for cancelling all your classes without his consent. 

“Uh, exactly that,” you say, and it hurts how much you have to strain your voice, trying not to pour any type of affection into this version of Namjoon. You’ve always had a soft spot for his gummy smile. “I’m sorry for not telling you beforehand. Something really traumatic just happened and,” you choke back a sob, trying to cover the microphone, “and I really needed some space.” 

“Hey, it’s okay,” his voice is like melted honey, and you close your eyes and picture yourself back at BigHit, Namjoon’s happy smile whenever he tries to cheer you up. It only makes you even more upset, and your mind is all shadowed and filled with fuzzies as you attempt to picture Namjoon as your boss, “I was just shocked, that’s all. Is everything alright?” 

“No,” you reply truthfully, “and I don’t know if it will be.” 

There’s a terse silence, both your breaths hanging on the line with no move to continue the conversation. If your personality here is similar to your true world, you would understand why Namjoon would have a hard time formulating a reply. You don’t even know how close you are with him here. What remains is that you’re the type to keep your secrets to yourself, and if they truly felt hindering, you’d tell somebody. Not to say you’re the suffer in silence type of person, but you weren’t one to immediately dump your feelings on someone. 

Finally, Namjoon musters a reply, “I have a break at two. Why don’t you swing by our usual lunch spot and we can talk? Their sandwiches always cheer you up. ”

“Joonie,” your voice cracks, and you shake your head despite the fact that he can’t see you. A slip of the nickname comes out before you can help it, and you hope this Namjoon is fond of the manner. “I don’t know where that is. Or what our ‘usual’ spot is. I don’t know what sandwiches you’re talking about either.” 

“Okay,” and you relax at the calmness in his tone, “I’ll swing by after my 5PM then. Set the table for us, yeah?” 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

Namjoon smells of dry-erase marker and antiseptic. 

He’s bounding into your apartment like it’s his own home, carrying two paper bags and a stack of leather bound books. The items fly across your coffee table, and you two work together to organize both your dinner and the books. Namjoon looks like a textbook nerd, wearing shades of burgundy and burnt orange as he breaks into your front door. Gone are the boots and sleek outfits that trim his figure, and you can’t help but go a little anti-starstruck at how normal this moment is.

But what remains is the bumbly stance as he makes his way through your tiny space, long limbs and all flailing to help you place his work in a safe space. The curve of his nose and dimples so deep you could fill a lake in them, you can’t help but muster a shy smile as he takes notice that you’re staring at him a little too much for comfort.

The two of you eat in relative silence, and you gratefully accept the bag he pushes in your direction. To your surprise the sandwich inside is a favorite combination of yours, and you wonder if this restaurant exists in your world. 

Your world. 

“Namjoon,” you place your sandwich down, despite the fact that your stomach is protesting for you to finish the first real meal you’ve had in days, “you know that movie, Avengers?” 

Namjoon’s face is puffed with bread, and you hand him a water bottle to chug it down. “Dunno,” he shrugs, “Marvel isn’t a popular franchise, so even if I had I wouldn’t remember.” 

“Marvel isn’t popular—” what kind of fucked up world is this? Your Jungkook would have a field day if he was in your shoes. “Anyway. There’s a concept from Marvel that there’s multiple Earths. Like you can create a rip in space and land yourself in another dimension if you’re not too careful. Do you think it’s possible?” 

Your tall mentor pushes his charcoal hair back, exasperated. “Is this why you’re taking off? Because you believe in some silly comic book series?” 

You feel your heart cracking, desperately trying to keep itself together. In your haste you grip Namjoon’s arm, desperate. “Please, just hear me out.” you warble, “a few days ago I was out drinking with a friend. Next thing I know, I’m in another world where I run into a boy. That boy is my friend, but he says he doesn’t recognize me! But I don’t recognize this life. Namjoon I can’t even imagine you wanting to be a doctor!” 

Namjoon is looking at you funny, and you know he’s really trying to believe you. Instead of the reassuring words you hope for, he instead says, “this isn’t even pseudoscience, y/n. This is supernatural! How could you possibly think you’re from another dimension? I just saw you last week and everything was fine!” 

“I saw you last week too!” you exclaim, clutching your chest, “and you cried again for the umpteenth time because you lost another pair of custom Airpods.” 

A pause. “That does sound like me.” 

Hope blooms in your stomach. “Doesn’t it?”

“Well, in this supposed other life. What is my profession?”

Your face falls. “Uh, you’re in a worldwide K-pop band. You’re making millions and producing beautiful music.” 

That sounded way better in your head. Out loud it sounded absolutely bonkers. You don’t even blame Namjoon when he bursts out laughing, wiping tears from his eyes. You let him, sinking further into your seat and hugging your knees. You really hoped Namjoon would’ve come through for you. 

However you’re not laughing along with him, and he immediately stops at your teary expression. He pushes himself over to you with his long legs, quickly moving to prevent yourself from tucking into your shell. He sees how small your form becomes and he reaches over to place a hand over your hair. “You’re really upset over this, aren’t you?” he questions aloud, and he can’t piece it together, “did you hit your head or something?” 

Defeated, you explain, “I may have gotten hit by a motorcycle the other day.” 

“What?” he squeezes your shoulder, “well, that explains a lot! What if you’re hallucinating? What if you have a concussion? You could be suffering from short-term memory loss!” 

You’re sure it’s none of those things, but you let him ramble. The explanation is clear-cut and so painfully normal that it’s the only conclusion that Namjoon will cling to. Your mentor insists you take a medical leave, and says he’ll take over your classes in the meantime. He gives you a number to call, explains there one of the best doctors for trauma and motor incidents. You don’t say anything to that, but you accept the number and lie when you say you’ll call them in the morning. Namjoon still treats you like a friend however, despite your fruitless confession, and you concede that his comfort is more than enough after such a rough week. 

•━━━━━━»••»💮💮💮«••«━━••

It’s been nearly two weeks since you’ve contacted Jimin. 

Sure, Jimin’s contacted you. A couple flirty texts here, some low-key sexy selfies there. Usually, you’d eat that up like honey and butter. Now, there’s only one-word replies and half-hearted attempts at continuing a conversation. He loosens his tie, thankful he’s working out of the office today. He can look at his phone all he wants, and no one will judge him. 

Jimin finally looks up at the photographer his marketing company contracted, who’s still mulling over the contract. “We’re not trying to jip you, promise.” Jimin assures, and he almost laughs at the comical way the young man’s large eyes catch his concern. “You’ll get all that money, and then some if you need to work overtime. It’s a sweet gig.” 

“Yeah,” the young man nods, and grabs the pen to sign at the bottom. “Looking forward to working with you.” 

“Same to you, Mr. Jeon,” Jimin grins, meeting him halfway across the table, “I’ve seen your work, I’m sure the commercial will be beautiful.” 

“You can call me Jungkook,” the new employee flashes him a quick grin, taking his palm in his. Jimin tries not to twitch at this cute kid, who is both devastatingly handsome and cute at the same time. He’s a little jealous, a little attracted. 

“Great, because Mr. Park is my dad. Jimin’s fine.” 

It’s then that Jimin’s phone lights up, both pairs of eyes darting to the picture of you decorating the wallpaper. 

While it’s not a completely flattering picture (you’re asleep with your wire-rimmed glasses half-off and there’s drool dribbling down your chin.) However it’s definitely you, the person Jungkook nearly killed a couple days ago.

Jungkook’s mouth goes dry, and he lets go of Jimin’s hand like it’s fire. Jimin hardly notices, grabbing his phone in hope that you replied to his text. To his despair, it’s just Taehyung. He ruffles his hair in frustration, letting the slick ebony strands fall out of his hairstyle.

“Fuck,” Jimin curses, shoving his phone in his blazer. 

“Everything alright?” Jungkook asks, trying to be polite. On the other hand, he’s rather curious about the girl from weeks ago, who still hasn’t left his mind. 

In the heat of the moment, Jungkook left the scene with you blubbering on the road. How wide your eyes were with recognition, and almost mother-like as you coddled him like someone to protect. He’s felt bad about it since, but he had an interview with Jimin’s boss and he couldn’t blow a job opportunity. It couldn’t be helped that your sad expression has been his midnight fixation when he can’t sleep or has a creative block. He should’ve at least called a cab to take you to the hospital or something, you were clearly not in the right mind. 

“Yeah, it’s just a friend.” Jimin forces a smile, not wanting to dump his baggage on the new employee. “She almost got hit by a motorcycle the other day,” Jungkook masks a wince, remembering the horror he felt when he saw you, just lying there across the street. “Ever since then, she just hasn’t been herself. I’m just worried. It’s like she’s seen a ghost or something.” 

“Oh,” Jungkook steals a glance at Jimin’s phone again, hoping to see your picture light up again. He does feel a little guilty pushing you off him and running away, but then again it was you that started being weird. 

How did you know him, and why were you so concerned for his well-being? Would he get fired if he asked Jimin about you? That would be the quickest job he ever got contracted for. Instead, Jungkook forces a smile and offers a neutral, “Well, I’m sure things will work out.” 

“Thanks, I hope so too.” 

Jungkook’s palms are sweaty, as if it’s a dark premonition that something will happen. With Jimin around supervising him, he has a feeling that if things don’t work out, things will happen regardless. 

Maybe he’ll understand why you were so concerned for a stranger’s well-being, and why you looked at him like that. 

Like someone in love. 

[spareseratoninplz]

More Than Pain Bakugo x Y/N reader insert Ch. 2

“Miss…? Excuse me, miss…?” I was gently shaken awake by a hand, and when I woke up a friendly looking gentleman was smiling down at me.

“You’re miss (L/N), right?” He asked, and I nodded.

“Yes… how is my mother?” I asked, my brow immediately furrowing. He placed a hand on my shoulder to keep me from getting up, and took a seat across from me after pulling up a chair to sit on.

“Your mother is in stable condition… her case however… well, it’s uncertain.” He said, and my heart dropped.

“Case…? Uncertain…?” I echoed, and he cleared his throat.

“Your mother had a very serious seizure. Her brain was deprived of oxygen for too long, and this has caused her to slip into a coma. As I said, she’s in stable condition, but if she’s going to have any sort of chance of recovery, we’ll need to perform surgery…” He said the last few words very carefully, and I swallowed a lump in my throat.

“H-How much…?” I asked, and he hesitated before sighing deeply.

“54,200,000 ¥…*” The doctor spoke, and I felt my mouth go dry.

“Your mother’s insurance will pay for her accommodations here at the hospital until the money for surgery can be raised… with any luck, then surgery won’t be necessary. And she’ll simply wake up. Still, there’s the topic of muscle atrophy, and getting her the physical and psychological therapy to recuperate afterwards…” His voice faded out as my brain grew numb with the same question. How in the world am I supposed to raise that much money? As a middle school student I’m not allowed to have any sort of part time job. Not only that, but how was I supposed to pay for rent, power, water, and food when I had absolutely no income whatsoever?

“Miss (L/N)?” The doctor called out my name, and I snapped out of my stupor.

“Did you hear what I said?” He asked, and after a moment of hesitation, he realized I hadn’t.

“There is a program- a temporary service if you will- one that will place you in the care of a foster home… at least for the time being.” I nodded quietly, not really knowing what else to say.

“Come with me and I’ll introduce you to the program’s coordinator.” He ushered me along, and I followed blindly, my eyes growing heavy with exhaustion.

*One day later*

“Here we are! Oh, you are absolutely going to love this couple!” The coordinator opened the door for me to step out with nothing but my backpack on.

“Oh dear… are you certain that’s all you wanted to bring?” She asked.

“I don’t plan on being here for very long.” I said, walking passed her towards the front door. She followed me quickly, and rang the doorbell as I examined the outside structure of the house. It was rounded at the top with a subtle but elegant grey stone layout. The windows were large and somewhat tinted to reflect the incoming sunlight, and I couldn't help but think how clever that was of the designer to come up with. My attention was grabbed when the front door slowly opened to reveal a tall, muscular  man with spiky brown hair, glasses, and the slightest hint of  a mustache.

“Oh? Hey, you must be (F/N)! Mitsuki, she’s here!” He called behind him, and I could hear the sound of fast footsteps as she made her way to the front door, and nearly knocked the man over in the process.

“Who is it Masaru? Did you say (F/N)?” She asked. She poked her head out, and my eyes immediately focused on two distinctive features, her eyes and hair.

“(F/N)! It’s so good to meet you!” She exclaimed. Before I knew what was happening, she’d already pulled me inside.

“Katsuki! Come meet our guest!” She called out, and the moment she shouted that name, my blood ran cold.

“GO TO HELL!!!” He shouted back in response. Mitsuki only smiled at me briefly as the tension settled in the air. After a moment she turned to me with the same smile on her face.

“Wait right here dear, I’ll  be right back.” She spoke softly and gracefully ascended the stairs to what I could only assume was Katsuki’s room. There were a few light knocks on the door before it sounded like the ceiling was falling in.

“HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT YOU LITTLE SHIT!” She screamed. She then proceeded to drag Bakugou down the stairs by his ear, much to his protest, and tossed him onto the floor in front of us. My eyes locked onto a coat rack in the corner near the door, and I didn’t dare tear my eyes away for a moment. He stood to his feet and swung around as though he were going to strike his own mother, but instead she smacked the back of his head, and he fell to his knees right in front of me. I jumped back, and accidentally met his eyes. If looks could kill, I’d already be dead.

“(F/N) Is going to be staying here for a little while, and I want you to be the one to show her to her room.” Mitsuki ordered, and Katsuki simply glared at me before sliding his hands into his pockets and walking back towards the stairs.

“You comin’ or not?!” He demanded, looking at me sideways as though I were supposed to read his mind. I glared back, unimpressed before following behind him up the stairs.

We took an immediate right, and he placed his foot against a door before roughly kicking it open and stepping inside. I followed him in, and took a look around. Everything was so neat, tidy, and fresh smelling. They had even changed the bed linens and had a fluffy black bathrobe neatly folded on the bed along with a set of clothes. What was this place? A hotel? “What the fuck are you doing here?” He demanded, and I glanced at him over my shoulder.

“Your parents didn’t tell you what’s going on?” I asked, and he scoffed.

“All they said was we’d have a guest for a couple months. They never said anything about it being some dumb bitch.” He said, expecting to get a rise out of me, but I remained quiet.

“I’ll stay out of your way.” I said, giving him a cold look that he seemed taken aback by.

“The hell’s your problem?” He asked, and I exhaled slowly through my nose before neatly placing my backpack on the back of a nearby chair.

“Why? So you can degrade me on that too?” I asked, my tone just as cold as my icy glare. For once he had nothing to say as he stood there with the same angry look on his face.

“I get that you don’t like me, and I’ll stay out of your way while I’m here, so, just go do… whatever.” I said, my tone bland as I turned to  start unpacking things from my bag. After a moment of silence I assumed he had just left, so when I heard the shuffling of feet, and suddenly found myself pinned up against the desk as his hands gripped the edges at my hips, trapping me in place. His body and face were both very close to mine, and radiating heat that I didn’t know could be generated from a human body.

“Listen here you, don’t come into my fucking house thinking you’re better than me just because you have some stupid-ass quirk, you got it?” He hissed, and my brow furrowed.

“What did I say to insinuate that I think I’m better than you?” I asked, pressing my hand against his chest to move him away, but he quickly caught my hand and gripped it tightly, maybe even painfully if pain was something I could feel.

“What was that shit you pulled the other day in the hallway, huh?” He asked.

“Let go of me.” I hissed, and he smirked in an almost challenging way.

“Make me.” He growled. I felt something swelling up within me. This anger that I wasn’t at all familiar with coupled with something else. I felt my body begin to shake, and I forcibly grabbed his wrist with the hand that he was holding me, and his eyes widened for a split moment before I flipped him onto his back. He grunted as I stood up and moved away from him, looking down at my own two hands as though they weren’t mine.

“Shit…” Bakugou cursed under his breath before sitting up, and rubbing at the back of his head. He shot me a bewildered look before standing straight up and marching over to me. He looked me over expectantly before clicking his tongue, and heading for the door. He froze just before walking through, and glanced back at me over his shoulder.

“Bathroom’s down the hall on the left… dinner’s at 5:30… and don’t touch any of my shit!” He spat before shutting the door behind him roughly. I sighed before shaking my head, and pulling my laptop from my bag. I settled in on the bed, and began surfing the web in hopes of winding down, and ignoring what had just happened with my quirk. I had never been able to use it that way before… then again, no one has ever made me feel so frustrated before either.

“Hm?” I hummed in thought as my eyes caught a glimpse of a flashy headliner. I clicked on the link as the webpage opened completely.

“UA RECOMMENDATION EXAM REPORTED TO BE REWARDING HIGHEST RANKING ENTRANT 55,300,000!”

All I could do was stare at the screen with my mouth hanging open, unable to think or speak. 

It seemed all too easy, enter the exam, pass with the highest score, and win the money that I would need to get mom the surgery she needed… an additional  1,152,320¥ never hurts either… I quickly began looking up anything and everything that I could about this exam, and found out quite a bit about it relatively quickly.

“Let’s see… consists of a written exam, practical exam, and an… interview…? Alright, no problem, but… what would I do about references? That would be the main thing I need, right?” I mumbled to myself and groaned before flopping backwards onto the bed.

I can’t believe I’m even playing with thoughts like these. To think I’d even stand a chance against anyone who’s recommended to UA? It may seem like easy money, but now that I think about it, there’s no way it would be that easy. There was suddenly a gentle knock at the door, and I quickly stood from the bed to answer it.

“Mrs. Bakugou, I’m sorry was I being too loud?” I asked, and she chuckled before waving me off, and shooting me a smile.

“Not at all dear! I just came up to check and see how you were getting settled.’ She said, and I nodded before giving her a thankful smile.

“Oh yes, I’m fine. You have a beautiful home.” I said, and she smiled even brighter.

“Aren’t you the sweetest, thank you!” She giggled before banging her fist once against the door directly behind her before shouting.

“YOU HEAR THAT, KID?! WHY CAN’T YOU BE SWEET LIKE HER?!” Mrs. Bakugou shouted.

“WOULD YOU SHUT IT, YOU OLD HAG?! I’M TRYIN’ TO STUDY!” Bakugou shouted back. So, his room was directly across from mine…? Good to know. I thought sarcastically.

“WHY YOU-” I cut her off before she had a chance to shout again. She looked as though she were about to break down his door.

“Bakugou is actually a pretty nice guy at school!” I blurted out before I could think. She froze, and turned to me with a skeptical look.

“That’s not what I’ve heard…” She said, her brow furrowing.

“What? No, really. He helped me to find my locker and the cafeteria on my first day of school, and he’s always willing to help out when I need a partner during study period.” I said. It wasn’t a complete lie. He had helped me find my locker and the cafeteria on the first day… he just wasn’t super polite about it. As for the study partner thing, really we had just been paired up together by the teacher, and did our own work silently.

“He may seem a little harsh at first, but Bakugou is someone who is really very dedicated to his goal of becoming a pro hero. I admire him for not being afraid to speak his mind about things… it’s a quality I wish I had.” I admitted, and I suddenly found myself wondering why I was suddenly singing Bakugou’s praises when I didn’t really know two things about the guy.

“You’re too sweet, (F/N)... by the way, you’re welcome to call me Mitsuki.” She offered, and I nodded politely. She turned towards Bakugou’s door again, and lifted her hand ready to bang on it once more, but after a moment her body seemed to relax as though she had second thoughts, and she lightly knocked instead.

“Supper will be ready in about an hour, hon.” She said gently. After a moment of silence, Bakugou responded. “Whatever…” His voice sounded tired almost, but it held no anger. Mitsuki smiled gently before giving me a small nod, and heading downstairs. Somehow I felt good about what I did, and turned to return to my room, only to be met by the sound of Bakugou’s door creaking open.

“So what’s your deal, huh?” He asked. I looked up to see him leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed, and a bored expression on his face. I shrugged before resting my elbow against the doorframe, and pushing my hair back out of my eyes.

“I don’t know… I guess maybe you just don’t hear it as much as you should.” I said. His eyes lowered to the floor as though he were considering something.

“Hear what?” He asked. I swallowed hard, knowing what it was I was wanting to say, but I wasn’t sure how he would react.

“You’re a good guy, Bakugou… and I know you’ve built this reputation as the school’s hot head or whatever, but… I can tell by how hard you work that you truly do want to be a hero… and I don’t think you’d want to be a hero if you didn’t like people.” I said, and he remained silent, now resting his head against the door frame, and looking off down the hall.

“You’re so full of shit.” He spat, somewhat taking me by surprise, but I didn’t let it show.

“The other day, you were telling me to ‘grow up’... saying shit like ‘you’re not very heroic’- such bullshit.” He hissed, and for some reason an unfamiliar sensation hit me directly in the center of my chest before spreading to the rest of my body.

‘Is this… pain…?’ I thought to myself. Without realizing, my hand had come up and grabbed my shirt directly over my chest. My breathing began to increase, and my skin began to feel warm and flush.

“What is it? Just now realizing I’ve called you out on your bullshit?” He asked, crossing his arms again and smirking in an unnerving way.

“What? No, that’s not-” My breathing only increased, but it felt like all the air in my lungs had left me. I felt my eyes begin to burn as tears began to slide down my cheeks uncontrollably.

“Wh- hey. What’s wrong with you?” He asked, and I felt my body begin to shake as sobs began to rack my body.

“Shit, hey-” He kneeled beside me, and I hid my face from him. I’d never felt this way before in my life. As though someone had lit a fire at the center of my chest, but the rest of my body remained cold as Ice. How is it even possible to be freezing, and yet sweat at the same time?

“Calm your breathing and relax.” He said, his voice lower, and I felt him rest his hand on my back awkwardly, not knowingly exactly where to put it. After a moment I seemed to calm down, but I was still in shock at what had just happened.

“Wh-what… what was that…?” I mumbled to myself.

“You just had a fucking panic attack.” Bakugou said, now sitting on the floor next to me, and resting his head back against the wall. I could feel him watching me carefully, and after a moment he sighed.

“Look I… I’m sorry. Okay? I didn’t think sayin’ that would… cause a panic attack alright? I always thought you didn’t have emotions.” He said.

“I… I usually don’t feel anything. Pain, anger, fear, sadness… I can absorb it back into my body, channel it and use the energy to heal myself or others…” I said, and suddenly realized I hadn’t ever really explained how my quirk worked before.

“So that’s what happened the other day? You didn’t block my attack, you absorbed it?” He asked, and I nodded.

“And that’s how you healed yourself?” He asked, and again I nodded.

“Yes… the stronger the quirk, the faster I heal.” I said, and he just stared ahead at the wall.

“Well… it’s not the shittiest quirk I’ve ever heard of.” He said, and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. We sat in silence for a bit longer before I spoke again.

“I need to get into UA on recommendation.” I said, and his entire body stiffened.

“WH- THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY?!” He demanded, and I sighed.

“It’s not what you think okay, so don’t blow a fuse.” I said. I passed him my phone with the headline on it, and his eyes quickly skimmed over it.

“Yeah, I heard about that… so then what’s the deal? I thought you weren’t tryin’ to be a hero.” He said, and I ignored the fact that he knew that about me, and took my phone back from him.

“I… I just need the money, alright?” I admitted. I pulled my knees to my chest before resting my arms on top, and then my chin.

“What do you need with a shit-ton of cash like that?” He asked, and I laughed humorlessly. He didn’t respond after a moment of silence, so I sighed, and felt my brow furrow.

“Katsuki, (F/N) dinner’s ready!” Mitsuki called.

“HOLD YOUR HORSES WE’RE COMIN’!” Bakugou shouted back, but I was already standing.

“We should go eat. School in the morning.” I said, and he looked up at me with a stoic expression before standing himself and walking towards the stairs. I walked past him at the top of the stairs, and he grabbed my arm to stop me before I could continue.

“We’re not done yet.” He said, holding my gaze for several moments before turning away, and descending the stairs. I lightly brushed my fingers across my arm where he’d grabbed me, and felt an odd tingling sensation where his hand had been.

“I’m losing my mind…” I mumbled to myself before descending the stairs, and stepping into the dining room.

“Here you go (F/N) I’ve saved you a spot right next to Katsuki.” Mr. Bakugou said whilst drying his hands on a kitchen towel as Mrs. Bakugou finished placing the final plate of food on the table. I nodded silently before taking the seat I had been offered.

“The coordinator gave us a list with some of your favorites, so I made you some kakitama jiru!*” She exclaimed, very pleased with herself.

“It looks great, thank you Mrs. Bakugou.” I said, smiling kindly as I spooned it into a bowl along with some crispy noodles and a spoonful of green onions on top. The aroma was intoxicating, and I felt myself relax somewhat at the familiar smell.

“Would you like some Beef?” Mr. Bakugou offered, holding the plate out to me. I nodded before plucking a few pieces out, and placing them neatly on my plate before adding some steamed veggies and rice. Everything looked and smelled amazing. I couldn’t recall eating in the last few days, so this was more than welcomed.

“Have you had any news on your mother?” Mrs. Bakugou asked, and I felt the color immediately drain from my face. Any appetite I previously had was gone now. I lowered my chopsticks from my mouth before I could take a bite of food, and felt my hand shake slightly.

“Oh… uh… no ma’am. Nothing yet.” I said plainly, hoping she would just drop it.

“Oh… well, I’m very sorry to hear about what happened. We really hope she gets out of the hospital soon.” She said, and I felt my eyes drop to the table, suddenly intently focused on the pattern of the tablecloth, and nothing else. I wanted everything to fade away, and be silent. I wanted to be by myself where no one could see me like this because it was all new to me as well.

“Um… th-thanks…” I silently cursed myself for stuttering. They probably couldn’t tell I was uncomfortable since my body language wasn’t showing it. Would it be disrespectful to tell them that I was uncomfortable?

“Hey, we’re gonna eat upstairs.” Katsuki spoke up suddenly, his voice breaking through the haze of my hectic thought process.

“Huh? But you’ve already sat down.” Mrs. Bakugo said, dejected.

“I’ve been havin’ some trouble with English lately… she said she’d tutor me, so…” He lied, but I kept my mouth shut. Mrs. Bakugou looked utterly dumbfounded, but quickly smiled.

“Oh, of course!” She said gleefully. Katsuki grabbed his bowl, and I grabbed mine. I said my goodbyes as we ascended the stairs once more, and he all but forced me into my room. I placed the bowl down, and took a few deep breaths.

“Shit…” I mumbled to myself once my breath had come back.

“What’s going on with you? Why do you keep freaking out?” Bakugou scoffed, and I swallowed hard.

“Look, I’m not used to feeling emotions like this, okay?” I said, a bit more anger behind my tone than I had probably intended.

“Turn your shitty quirk back on then…” He said, as though it were the easiest thing.

“I… I can’t… I don’t know why but for some reason, I can’t.” I said, and he lifted an eyebrow.

“What you said before… when you said I’m ‘full of shit’... I don’t know how, or why, but for some reason or other, it caused my quirk to dissipate. That’s why I freaked out.” I said.

“So… you turn off your quirk, and you have a panic attack, or what the hell?” He asked, and I shook my head.

“No, no… look, I’ve had my emotions shut off since I was a child… sometimes they slip out, but I’ve always been able to keep them under control until a little while ago. At that time, I dunno…” I trailed off, taking a few breaths before continuing.

“I guess all the emotions that I’ve been holding back hit me at once.” I concluded, and Bakugou continued to sit there in silence.

“Why turn them off?” He asked, and the question caught me off guard.

“What?” I asked.

“Your emotions. Why turn them off?” He asked again, slightly annoyed this time at having to repeat himself.

“Oh… I dunno. It just seemed easier I guess.” I answered honestly. After a moment Katsuki stood with his bowl in hand, and headed for the door.

“Whatever… I’m goin’ back to my room.” He said, and something made me ask. “Bakugou…?” I called out, and he stopped to turn and look back at me.

“How did you know I was having a panic attack… I mean- how did you know how to handle it?” I asked, and his eyes widened momentarily before his brow creased in its usual pissed off manner.

“What the hell kinda question is that, dumbass!” He huffed before throwing the door open and storming out before shutting it behind him. I blinked a few times before sighing and shaking my head. I’ll never understand how this guy’s brain works… but maybe that’s for the best. I sat at the desk with the bowl of soup in front of me, and sighed as I picked at it with my chopsticks. The noodles were mush at this point, and the broth was surely cold. I pushed the bowl away, and stepped towards the bed. After moving my laptop and the clothes aside, I curled myself up on the comforter with my head resting against the plush pillow, and felt my eyelids growing heavier by the second. After a few deep breaths, I felt my body relax into the mattress, and sleep finally found me.

[red-talisman]

#i can super easily see wwx being into engineering or physics #i think a STEM field is a fair translation of wwx's 'prodigy in revolutionizing the application of spiritual laws'#maybe he meets pre-med!wen qing #and her little brother's chronic health condition makes him start thinking about how his engineering#can be applied to the medical field #.......for some reason i keep landing on something like physical therapy for jc though? #something that's about helping people in super practical ways and in which he can hide behind a gruff no-nonsense exterior #and getting people to push through pain for long-term healing #oooooh that would mesh well with wen qing's doctor studies and wwx's curiosity #in applying engineering to medical fields #'wei wuxian you idiot you designed a machine so streamlined that you forgot a human is supposed to fit inside it' #'wei wuxian if you tried to make someone with a fresh amputation walk with that contraption you're going to forever fuck up their spine'

Okay so I’m going off my own tags on a reblog of @valdrift’s amazing art about JC and WWX being STEM majors because I can’t stop thinking about it, and would I let a complete lack of knowledge about majoring in engineering, physical therapy, or medicine stop me?

Jiang Cheng was originally an econ major (and secretly hating the shit out of it) because his parents he expected to go into accounting for the family business, but then there was a major accident that took his parents, left him in a coma, and from which Wei Wuxian and Jiang Yanli walked away unscathed in that weird way that freak accidents sometimes manage

Wei Wuxian donated an organ to save Jiang Cheng while he was comatose, which eliminated all possibility of WWX going professional with...something, idk, but WWX is like, hey, WORTH IT

(Jiang Yanli wanted to, but she has a chronic health condition makes her ineligible)

JC is Not Happy when he wakes up (“THAT WAS YOUR DREAM HOW COULD YOU GIVE THAT UP FOR ME” - “UM, BECAUSE YOU’RE MY FUCKIN BROTHER????” - “YOU MEAN BECAUSE OF YOUR SURVIVOR’S GUILT”)

WWX majors in physics because he’s always wanted to prove some specific European and American physicists wrong, and why not rewrite some theories in the process? It’s a Monday, he’s got nothing else going on.

(I just realized that if WWX had a YouTube channel it’d be like Olan Rogers’ stories)

(Also I just love WWX being like, “Making everyone question everything we know about everything? Hold my beer, Lan Zhan.”)

Anyway JC has to go through physio and it sucks and it’s hard and he hates everything and he’d probably give up on it if he had just a slightly smaller crush on his doctor (Lan Xichen) and if he didn’t know his doctor would make Sad Faces at him for doing so

(Nie Mingjue is his physical therapist, because imagining those interactions makes me laugh)

Jiang Yanli takes over the family company even though everyone expected JC to do it because a) JC honestly hates the idea, and b) the only reason it was JC and not JYL was because of her parents’ ableism around her health, not because she wasn’t perfectly capable of making it work and work well, thank you very much

Which means JC doesn’t have to feel guilty about not wanting to step up there and instead focus on what makes him happy, which is...a New Concept

Then all the tags listed above happen and in the end we have a joint venture of between WQ, WWX, and JC creating new mobility aids that are more comfortable for long-term use and way more affordable (or download the blueprints for free and 3D-print your own!)

LWJ majors in Chinese lit and suddenly what WWX thought was the most boring possible subject ever is Very Sexy when recited by that lovely deep voice, oof (”Fuck, just shut up, I don’t need to know what you two do in the bedroom!” - “Pfffft, didi, like you wouldn’t shoot off like a rocket if Xichen-ge read a dictionary to you in That Voice” - “SHUT THE FUCK UP”)

[tealenko]

Somebody that I Used to Know (Chapter 4)

Chapter 4: Armory

It's very late, I should be sleeping, but I'm here writing because i'm in love with this one, I hope you like it as much as I do!!

Summary: Shepard and Kaidan meet by "accident" in the armory and they end up talking about a lot of things, including Shepard's thoughts about Horizon.

Words: 3014 Rating: Teens and Up Warnings: Lenguage

Previous chapter -> [link] All chapters -> [link] Read in AO3 -> [link]

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That one was close. She says to herself, contemplating a dent on her breastplate. Shepard takes a deep breath and starts to pull apart every little piece of her armor, placing them in order on top of the workbench.

She’s always enjoyed this part of the job, maintaining her gear and making sure everything functions properly. And somehow, the repetitive task relaxes her, making her forget the heat of the battle, the boredom in between missions and whichever problem she is trying to deal with.

This has always worked for her in the past, but not this time.

Come on… focus… “Connector AtR95 to plug HG42, and then… then...” She tries her best to concentrate. “Fuck!” A small spark hits her on the hand making her drop the cable.

Stop thinking about it. She tries again, but echoes of her last conversation with Garrus play in her head and there’s nothing she can do to shut them up.

One day you’re gonna have to put yourself first than the rest of the galaxy Shepard. “Yeah… like it is in my hands… I wish it was, so I could... Maybe I could say… What? What’s left to say? No, no… I already know and I don’t wanna hear it, there’s too much at stake and things… Things are good right now. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to say that… And at least… At least we are friends, which is more than I hoped, and that… that will be enough.” She tries to keep working, only managing to end up fidgeting with some tool before getting lost in her thoughts once again.

Why don’t you hate him? “Why don’t I hate him?” She says using a sarcastic tone. “Why doesn’t he hate me? Or does he? I mean… He did before, didn't he? So who knows...” She looks to the ceiling and moves one hand to her head. “Why does everything have to be so complicated?”

She stops working for a second, realizing she’s talking out loud. Lucky for her there’s no one else in the armory, something good had to come from Vega’s little party in the poker room, and now he and Cortez must be already unconscious in the crew quarters, along with the few soldiers that usually work there, so she has the whole place to herself.

All alone… She sighs, not knowing for sure if this fact drepresses her more than it cheers her up. I should keep working…. There's a lot to do.

Shepard focuses on the task ahead and starts checking every seal, repairing bullet holes, fixing the clasps, testing the connections and polishing most of the sections while revising the whole armor inch by inch. She spends around an hour like this, fully concentrated, until a noise on her back distracts her and makes her turn her head just in time to see how the elevator door opens.

Really… someone up there doesn’t like me… There’s no other explanation. “Hey.” She says as a greeting before directing her eyes back to her armor.

Up until a few hours ago she was handling the whole Kaidan situation much better than now, but her conversation with Garrus keeps playing in her mind for some reason. What would you do? Loops in her mind and she feels like a tide is drowning her. She had put so much effort in the last months to sink any type of expectation, of hope, to try to avoid thinking even about the possibility of regaining something she knows forever lost.

“Hey...” He starts walking to where she is. “So here’s where you’ve been hiding?” Kaidan stops right by her side looking at what she’s doing.

Shepard avoids looking at him, knowing she will lose every ability to function like a person the moment she tries to do so. Next time I see Garrus I’m gonna kill him… She thinks while trying to calm down.

“I’m not hiding,” she lies, “just doing some tests and repairs, you know, the less glamorous part of the job.” She says, mustering the courage to look at him while she talks.” Some people tend to neglect it, but it's an important one.”

“I know...” He rests his body on the workbench. “I’ve learned that from the best.” He gives her a big smile, and she’s completely lost.

In just a few seconds her heart starts to warm up, and she feels how the burning sensation travels from there to the rest of her body. Somehow she maneges keep looking at him, but that makes it even worse.

That kind of smile should be illegal. She says to herself.

She’s seen it before and the effect it’s still the same. It's the kind of smile that’s able to melt her heart little by little, strong enough to get through all her walls and fill one by one the many holes she has in her soul. It’s the smile she sees when she closes her eyes trying to erase a bad dream, the one she finds when she looks for a reason to keep fighting.

She has never been able to contain herself when he gives her that smile, and the night before Ilos, among the many memories she holds in her heart, is the best proof of that.

Shepard can feel how her heartbeat rises out of control when her mind starts playing fragments of that night. Oh god… She thinks, trying to avoid getting lost in the many memories she treasures of Kaidan.

Relax… you only have to act like a normal human being. That’s not difficult, right?

She ends up replying with a smile of her own, unable to think about anything safe to say out loud, and trying very hard to calm down a little. But then her eyes travel to his lips and the gates of her memory open within seconds, letting free every little detail, every touch and every feeling so they can haunt her. She can see everything as clear as if it was yesterday, and her whole soul shivers remembering the sensation of having him all to herself.

“Need an extra pair of hands?”

“What!?”

“Help, with the armor...” He looks at her with a little concern in his eyes.

Her whole body panics for a second before she is able to process his words, and the true meaning behind them, not the one she was thinking of. To her relief, thanks in part to the shock, she’s able to focus again on the conversation and manages to give him an answer.

“Ah, no… don’t worry, you must have a lot to do. It wouldn't be fair to you.”

“It’s easier to do with help… Tell you what, we can do mine after yours and we'll be even, what do you think?” She smiles at him, relieved he hasn’t noticed the real reason for the lapse in her concentration.

“Okay, that’s more like it.”

They start working side by side and, at the beginning, they try very hard to not disturb each other. Once they’ve been working for a few minutes the old ways start to kick in and with that, along with the familiarity of the task at hand, they begin to work in the same areas at the same time, with him assisting her wherever she needs to, completely synchronized with one another. Before they realise it they are already working on Kaidan’s armour.

The conversation is also flowing without any problems, to her surprise, although everything they say is related to the job they’re doing. They spend a while like that until she starts asking herself how did he end up here with her, trying to remember the different shifts in her head.

“Kaidan.”

“Yes?”

“I’ve just realized… Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

“Ah… yes…” He smiles. “I couldn’t… I tried for hours before giving up.”

“Headaches?”

“Yes… among other things.”

“The war and that kind of stuff?” He laughs a little.

“Well, normally yes… but this time Vega is the one to blame.”

“Vega?” Shepard freezes.

“Yeah… Him and Cortez were talking out loud in the crew quarters, heaven knows what they were saying,” he rolls her eyes and sighs “but you could hear the noise from the starboard observation.”

“So you didn’t understand what they were saying?” She asks, trying to sound casual.

“No… something about getting killed I think, so I suppose it was war related stuff.”

“Probably” Shepard says, sighing with relief.

“I would’ve said something but they seemed pretty drunk and, to be honest, I didn't want to bring down the mood.” He smiles softly. “Besides, I don’t think I would’ve been able to sleep either way. I even thought of joining them to see what the fuss was about.”

“Luckily you didn’t” Shepard says without even thinking. Shit… I’m an idiot.

“What do you mean?”

“Well… Mmm” Think… Come on, think. “Ehmm… you wouldn’t have ended up here.” She finally says, which isn’t a lie, relieved she’s been able to say anything at all. “I needed the help more than I thought.” She smiles at him as a thank you and he lowers his head a little making a reverence.

“At your service.”

Shepard blushes and smiles before she resumes her job, trying to concentrate again in the armor but failing within a few seconds when another question prompts into her mind.

“How did you end up here?”

“Garrus.”

“Garrus?” Shepard laughs a little, trying to understand how his friend ended up causing this situation.

”Hum… I saw him in the kitchen and we started talking...”

I’m going to kill him.

“... and he said that with James and Steve sleeping this would probably be empty.”

Shepard starts laughing in disbelief, bringing her hands to her face. In the meanwhile Kaidan doesn’t know what to do, feeling like he’s missed some part of the conversation. They stay like that for a few seconds before she starts talking again.

“Remind me to talk to Garrus later.”

“I’m a bit lost here Shepard.”

“He knew I would be here, I told him.”

“I see.” Kaidan smiles and starts processing the information. “So this is a setup, isn't it?”

“So it seems.” She answers.

“Well, at least we were able to finish this.” He says, pointing to their armors.

“Yeah… You should go and rest, you’ve earned it. Besides I don’t think the noise will be a problem anymore, they’re probably in a coma by now.” He laughs at her comment. “Let me store this away, you must be tired.”

“If you don’t mind.”

“I don’t.”

“Okay.” He says a little bit hesitant and starts walking away, but before he gets into the elevator he stops and asks her: “Wanna do the weapons tomorrow? It’s been a while since I checked my assault rifle.” She smiles at him.

“Same...” You don’t use an assault rifle. “With my rifle, I mean, my sniper rifle, of course.” You calibrate it every three days. “Same place, same time?”

“Sure.”

“Perfect.”

~

“Can you...” Shepard places a tool in his hands before he’s able to complete the question. “Thank you. You must be used to doing this.�� He says laughing.

“I’ve been calibrating weapons since I was thirteen.”

“That would explain why yours has only taken a few minutes to check up.”

They are working in the same area that the day before, right next to each other, and for some unknown reason today they are also alone in the armory.

“Are we sure Vega is still alive? I haven’t seen him in a day.” She says, looking to where he normally stays.

“Well It doesn’t surprise me that he’s hiding...” He turns to see her reaction, “I heard that you two had a rather interesting conversation yesterday.” She freezes right away, dropping the replacement parts she is holding into the ground.

“Sorry.. I… Mmm. The thing is… no.” He tries to hide his smile. “ How on Earth have you found out about that?”

“Garrus.”

Now I’m definitely going to kill him.

“He told me during lunch time.”

“Remind me to talk to Garrus later.”

Kaidan starts laughing a little, comprehending now all the sides of the story, except for one.

“May I ask you a question?” He says, and she can see how his smile fades away to be replaced by concern. “I don’t know if I should ask it.”

“I’m not surprised, It was quite an experience.” She says with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood. “I’m sure you must have many.”

“No, just the one.” He feels a little bit lost when he says this. She can tell that, whatever it is he wants to ask her, he’s truly afraid of her answer.

“Kaidan...” She makes a pause waiting for him to look at her. “I will listen to any question you wish to ask, and I will reply to you as best as I can.”

He nods, looking directly into her eyes, but stays in silence.

“I mean… Nothing you say will be worse than what I heard yest...”

“Why?” He interrupts her.

“I’m gonna need more info Kaidan.” She smiles at him.

Worry builds up in his expression and he moves one hand to the back of his neck, without really knowing what to do with the other one.

“Why don’t you hate me?” He asks in the end.

“I’m going to start charging for that question, at this rate I’ll be able to buy a house by the time the war is over.”

“Shepard, I’m being serious.”

“So am I.”

“Yeah, sure.” He smiles a little but his mind keeps going on and on about the matter at hand. He leaves his tool on the table and moves a few steps to sit down, lowering his head to stare at the floor.

She looks at him for a few seconds, feeling a lot of different emotions bubbling in her heart, before she starts walking to sit by his side.

He stays the same, while Shepard looks far away and tries to find the best way to express what she wants to tell him. A minute goes by before she starts talking.

“Do you remember some conversations we had back in the day? You were worried I would cut corners, let something slide, if I had no other option”

“I remember.”

“You also told me once you wouldn't be able to stay quiet and follow me if I got out of the line.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you remember my answer back then?”

“You said you did not want me to. That you didn’t need someone following you blindly.”

“So… why should I be mad at you? You kept your word.”

“But...”

“But nothing.”

“And your hand?”

“My hand?”

“Is it true that you broke it by hitting the wall right after Horizon?”

“Ah… Mmm, yes, it’s true.” She laughs a little. He doesn’t. “Look Kaidan, it was a really tough day... well, months.” She starts explaining. “The first thing I did once I understood what was going on after waking up was ask about you, but no one gave me answers. When I finally had some kind of clue, it turns out you were in a colony that was under attack, so I spent hours looking for you, fearing that I would find you frozen at any time or that I wouldn’t find you at all, terrified for your life.”

He raises his head to look at her, but she doesn’t move, her eyes still glued to the wall in front of them.

“And then I saw you, safe and sound, and my whole heart started to burst with joy. I’ve never gone so fast from sadness to happiness.” She makes a pause there. “And then, well you know the rest.”

He starts to look mortified by her words, so she resumes her speech trying to explain herself.

“I’m not judging what you said or did Kaidan, I’m really not.“ She turns to look at him while she continues. ”I’m telling you this so you understand that, when I made it back to the Normandy, I didn’t know what to do with the hundreds of things I was feeling at the same time… So the wall ended up paying the price.”

“I see.” He says, trying to process all the information. ”Well, you were able to redirect your anger. That’s more than I could do… When I think of some of the things I said....”

“It's okay. You see Kaidan, I won’t pretend it was the best day of my life but, after thinking about it, and with some time if we’re being honest, I can’t say that I blame you.” She stops for a second, weighing something on her mind. “Do you wanna know something?”

“Sure.” Kaidan answers, finally relaxing a little.

“I… I think highly of you for staying true to your beliefs.” She says. ”I really admire that about you... I’ve never… I've never met anyone like you, you know?”

“Thanks, that… means a lot.” He smiles softly. ”And thanks for telling me the rest.. I’m sure it wasn’t easy.”

Their eyes meet for a moment, and neither of them is sure about what to do next. They stare at each other a few seconds before either of them is able to do anything else.

Shepard is the one who manages to come back to reality first. Taking a deep breath, she stands up and smiles at him before starting to speak.

“Hmm… Enough talking, let’s go back to work, what do you think?” He nods and follows her lead, walking back to the workbench. “We should finish this.”

“Just what I was thinking.” He says smiling back. “So… Do you have anything in mind to fix another day?” She starts laughing.

“I’m afraid there’s nothing left in the whole ship. Besides, we'll be heading to the Citadel soon, I have a lot to do there.”

“What a shame.” He says smailing.

“Maybe you should take some time off once we’re there... walk around, have a drink...”

“Well... I’ll think about it.”

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This one has been the hardest to write out of all of them, but I love the finish result.

This one reflects my exact feeling about Horzon -> Hated it when I saw it the first time, but I ended up loving Kaidan even more because he stayed true to himself.

Previous chapter -> [link] Next chapter -> [link] All chapters -> [link]

Please feel free to ask for fics or give me suggestions!!

[jupitermelichios]

How I would have introduced Spidey to the MCU

(bear in mind if this had happened in the same timescales as homecoming, this would have come out before Spider-verse. Spiderverse is good enough that I’m kinda glad they didn’t do this but hey, this is all theoretical.)

we start with an adult Peter - bonus points if he’s played by Andrew Garfield although that’s unlikely for reasons that will become clear - at the height of his powers. He’s an adult with a good job, he’s married to Mary-Jane, things are generally going great. He has a nightmare about Gwen Stacey early on his solo movie, so he know he’s seen some shit, that this is a Spiderman who’s been around the block a time or three.

He first appears as a guest star in an Avengers movie, some people love it, some people hate it, everyone is talking about it.

And then he dies at the mid-point of his first solo movie, leaving his protege Miles Morales to try and fill the gap, and he manages it, he defeats the Goblin and saves the day, but there’s no resolution to their relationship, Peter is just dead and Miles is just doing his best to cope.

Miles gets some cameos in other movies, and then we get to his second solo movie. And Peter is there. Miles doesn’t know why, but Peter says he survived somehow, he was just in a coma, and Miles is so fucking relieved, finally he has a mentor again! It seems almost too good to be true!

And maybe it is, because people seem to be afraid of Peter, and bodies start turning up with skin missing from their faces, shaped like a handprint, almost like someone with sticky hands has just...

But it can’t be Peter, obviously. Peter’s a good guy. Sure sometimes it seems like he doesn’t know Miles at all, sometimes there’s these weird gaps in his memory, and eventually he confesses he doesn’t remember being in the hospital at all, and he’s having these nightmares, or nightmare really, this recurring nightmare about a Jackal and a girl with blonde hair who he can’t save, but he’s a good guy. He’s Miles’s mentor. He’s his friend.

Anyway life’s hard enough as it is. He’s got this new science teacher, Professor Warren, who is a total asshole, detirmined to make his students suffer, and Miles is struggling to balance school and spiderman, he just wants to pass this year and make his parents proud. Although when he mentions this when he’s at Peter’s apartment one day MJ says that she and Peter had had a teacher in college called Professor Warren, and doesn’t know why Peter seems to have no memory of the guy.

Then on patrol one night, Miles catches the other spider-man, the one who’s been killing people, the one with the red and black suit that looks like an inverse of Miles’s suit, and he pulls the mask off to reveal... Peter.

Obviously Miles is horrified, so horrified that Peter gets away. He goes to confront Peter at his apartment, but Peter insists he hasn’t left all night and Mary Jane backs him up. Miles can’t shake it though, can’t shake the suspicion, and he and Mary Jane start to investigate.

He starts to realise just how wrong things are when he fights the Red and Black spiderman again and he doesn’t know Mary Jane, doesn’t know Miles, doesn’t even react to the name Peter. In fact when Miles calls him that, in an attempt to appeal to his better nature, he replies that Miles is thinking of someone else, that his name is Kaine.

He escapes again, but this time Peter is waiting to tail him back to wherever he was coming from. And he says he found it, says they won’t believe what he’s found... and then the line goes dead.

Miles is able to figure out a way to retrace his steps, and Mary Jane insists on coming with him. He tries to tell her no but she’s detirmined.

What they find looks like a warehouse from the outside, but inside it’s a mad scientist lab, complete with things floating in tubes of bubbling green liquid. Well not so much things as people. Well not so much people as Peter. Peters. And a blonde girl, about Peter’s age.

Obviously the bad guy is revealed to be Professor Warren, the Jackal. He was in love with Gwen Stacey, even though she was his student and dating someone else, and he’s detirmined to clone her, but he figured he’d practise first on the person he blames for her death - Peter.

He releases Kaine from his tube, and he and Miles fight, and it’s not going well, but Mary Jane manages to release not!Peter who joins the fight. Then Warren gets a gun on Mary Jane while she’s trying to figure out the controls to release the not!Gwen, and not!Peter knocks it out of the way, but gets shot in the process. Mary Jane knocks Warren out and Kaine takes the opportunity to bail. Peter gives Miles a speech about how he’s passing the torch, about how Miles is the real Spiderman, and then dies in MJ’s arms. They release the teenage clone!Gwen and carry her out while the police turn up to arrest Warren. Our film ends with clone!Gwen waking up in the hospital and jumping so hard when Miles startles her that she ends up on the ceiling. Hanging from her finger-tips.

And our post credits scene is people smugglers in Mexico. We go full Batman, something in the dark, moving too fast to see taking them out one at a time, until the figure steps into the light to rescue the girl they’d been moving. She introduces herself as Aracely, and asks his name, and he says it’s Kaine. Kaine Parker. Cut to black.

Any that’s how I’d use the 2nd most hated spiderman storyline of all time to remove Peter Parker, establish Miles and a version of spider-gwen as both living in the same universe, set up MJ as a recurring character and mentor figure to the younger spider kids, and set the stage for a TV miniseries based on Christopher Yost’s Scarlet Spider run

[bisexualiriswests]

Pairing: Barry/Iris

Rated: T

Words: 12,689

Summary: A season 1A Canon Divergence/AU that explores what would happen if Iris and Eddie weren't that serious and if Barry told Iris that he was The Flash much sooner.

Read on AO3

The moment Cisco and Caitlin mention her name he knows what he needs to do. He needs to see Iris. Right now.

It may feel like no time has passed for him, but it’s been nine months for her and if Dr. Wells and his colleagues' comments are anything to go by; it hasn’t been easy for her. He needs her to know that he’s okay. He wants her to be the first person he sees.

Walking into Jitters is like second nature to him, but he doesn’t take the time to see if anything has changed, his eyes are searching the room for her until - there. There she is. And for the first time since he woke up everything slots back into place and he can’t help but watch her for a moment, entranced. She’s pouring coffee for a customer, smiling at them, and he can’t move, can’t speak. But he doesn’t have to. It’s as if she senses him watching her and she raises her head and her eyes find him and it feels like all of the breath leaves his body, because damn, she’s beautiful.

Her eyes go wide in shock and her bottom lip trembles as she raises her hand to her mouth and then she’s running towards him and a grin stretches onto his face as he opens his arms for her. The second her body collides with his and she jumps into his arms he feels like he’s home, like he's right where he’s supposed to be. His reaction is immediate, wrapping his arms around her tightly, so tightly that he lifts her off the ground. And he wants to spin her around, but he settles for holding onto her like this.

He feels her lips curl into a smile against his neck and, fuck, he never wants to let go. He wants to hold her like his forever. But eventually he sets her back down on her feet, the grin never leaving his face. Now he lets his eyes rake over her. She doesn’t look any different from how he remembers her, but then he sees the smile fall from her face and he feels a pang in his chest.

She looks up at him almost in disbelief, but there’s a sadness in her eyes. “You died, Barry. Your heart stopped beating.” He can tell she’s fighting to keep her composure and he knows he needs to reassure her, to put a smile back on her face.

Without thinking about it he reaches for her hand and carefully places it on his chest, letting her feel the beating of his heart under her hand.

“It’s still beating,” he reassures her and she presses her hand against his chest a little harder at that and he just holds it there, the warmth of it seeping through the fabric of his shirt.

Because of you, he wants to say, but decides against it. Honestly he noticed that too and remembers what Dr. Wells said about his heart beating too fast for the EKG machine to pick up. And then as if right on cue it seems like the world slows down around him and he peeks around Iris to see a waitress as she trips and drops a coffee pot, but it’s all falling to the ground in slow motion. Then just as quickly as it happened everything is normal and the coffee pot crashes to the ground suddenly. Iris turns at the sound and asks her friend if she needs help, but her hand is still on his chest.

When she turns back to him he reluctantly lets their hands fall away and she smiles at him.

“Come on Dad will want to see you.”

Still a little stunned from whatever the hell that was he lets her take his hand and lead him out the door. He’ll have to figure it out later, for now he’s with Iris and he’s about to see Joe. His family is far more important.

_______________________________________________________________________

When he turns the corner he immediately freezes at what he sees and feels his heart sink into his stomach. Iris is kissing Detective Thawne. He can’t move, he’s paralyzed. Fuck, he wishes he could just get the hell out of here and forget he ever saw it. But he can’t. It’s like watching a car wreck. He’s standing there watching her kiss Thawne and wishing it was him. And suddenly he feels like the world’s biggest idiot. He had hoped that maybe, just maybe him being in a coma would make Iris see him differently, that he’d finally be able to tell her how he feels.

Clearly, that’s not going to happen.

And of course just to make matters worse as they break apart Iris sees him as she stands up. From where he is he can see her sigh and he tries to shrug and pass it off as nothing, but she shakes her head. He still can’t seem to get his feet to move as she walks towards him keeping some distance between them once she reaches him. She looks a little embarrassed as she bounces on her heels.

“Want to go for a walk?”

He finds himself nodding in agreement and then she nudges his arm and he puts one foot in front of the other. The farther away they get from Thawne the easier it is for him to breathe, to walk, to look at her. Now it’s just the two of them and it’s always been easier when it’s just them.

“So you’re dating your dad’s partner. Isn’t that like against department regulations or something?” he asks, unable to keep the judgement and bitterness out of his voice. He knows he’s being an asshole and she doesn’t deserve it, but he’s been blindsided and he’s hurt. And he can’t seem to shut himself up. “I mean what are you thinking? What does Joe think? He can’t be happy about this.”

“He doesn’t know.”

“Iris!”

Suddenly she stops walking and narrows her eyes at him. “Barry,” she says sharply and he knows he’s in trouble. Shit. “If you'll stop being a jerk I’ll explain it to you, if not then you can go.”

He sighs. “I’m sorry,” he tells her. And he is. He’s also extremely jealous, but he wasn’t trying to hurt her feelings or her, he never wants to do that.

So he stays and they walk and she explains.

“He covered shifts for my dad so we could both be at the hospital with you. Dad had to force me to go home and shower and try to sleep but I didn’t want to leave you, I didn’t want anything to happen to you while I was gone. I was scared your heart would stop beating again and I-” she cuts herself off pursing her lips together, trying to keep her emotions at bay. He walks a little closer to her, brushing his arm against hers in comfort to remind her that he’s here. It seems to help and she continues on. “I couldn’t lose you. We let Dr. Wells take you to STAR Labs, he was your best hope. And I sat next to you every day, I talked to you hoping that maybe you could hear me. Nothing felt right without you there.” She pauses again and he knows this is going to be the part he doesn’t want to hear. “One day I bought Eddie some coffee as a thank you and for the first time I started feeling normal again. Eventually we went on more coffee dates and it turned into something more. The thing is Barry, you weren’t waking up. It was starting to become months and I didn’t know if you ever would. I needed to do something, I couldn’t just- I didn’t give up on you, I promise. I just couldn’t keep on going how I was, it was too much. I still came to see you, just not as often. Until yesterday when you walked into Jitters it felt like something was missing, like there was a giant gaping hole in my chest, but now that you’re here it’s gone.”

She finishes and looks away from him and he lets her words sink in and gives her moment to recover. It takes him a moment to process her story. Even after hearing her words he still can’t imagine what she went through, how she managed to handle all of it. He knows that if she had been the one in the coma he would have gone out of his mind without her. But he knows Iris better than anyone, knows that she had to keep herself occupied to keep herself from completely losing it. He doesn’t hate her and he’s not angry at her for trying to move on. Nine months is a long time without knowing what’s going to happen. And as much as it kills him to know she was with Eddie, he’s glad that someone was there for her.

Finally he asks her, “are you happy? Does he make you happy?”

She looks at him in surprise, probably expecting him to question her choice or to tell her that it’s wrong, and yeah he thought about it, but he can’t bring himself to hurt her more. “Yeah, yeah he does.” And there’s a small smile on her face.

He swallows down his jealousy and hurt and says, “then that’s all that matters.”

He wants her to be happy even if it’s not with him, even if he hates seeing her kiss someone else.

_______________________________________________________________________

“So Joe knows?”

“Yeah he does. And he’s pissed.”

“Did you expect any different?”

“Not really,” she sighs.

They’re sitting across from each other at a table at Jitters. She’s on her lunch break and there’s currently no metahuman on the loose for him to deal with. So of course he’s spending time with her. After getting shot and almost dying Joe found out about Iris and Eddie and is giving both of them the cold shoulder.

“He’ll come around.”

“Mhmm.”

He watches her for a moment and decides that something else is bothering her, she’s lost in her own head. She’s been staring at her coffee cup for the past couple of minutes and playing with the napkin on the table.

“Hey,” he says reaching out and covering her hand with his to get her attention. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” she shakes her head and continues to avoid eye contact. She tries to free her hand from his, but he doesn’t let go.

Bullshit.

“What is it Iris?”

When her eyes find his he sees a flicker of vulnerability that he knows she rarely lets show, even to him. But then it’s gone and her guard is up again.

“It’s stupid,” she attempts to get out of it by passing it off as nothing and lowers her eyes once again.

“I don’t care. You can tell me.”

She’s silent again and he decides to let her hand go and to stop pushing her. He wants to help her, but she’s close to snapping, close to shutting down and that’s the last thing he wants.

“I’m scared,” she admits and he knows how hard that is for her to say. Because Iris West is fearless when it comes to everything except him and Joe and now maybe Eddie. She doesn’t get scared. “I don’t want to fuck this up. But like I told Eddie, it’s been a while since I’ve been in a relationship and even then I’ve never really been in a serious one. I don’t know how to be a good girlfriend. I don’t want to mess it up. It’s going really good and I like him, but I think I’ll find a way to screw up.”

He hates seeing her so insecure and wants her to know that she is good enough. And as much as it pains him to give her advice for being with Eddie he wants to be supportive, wants to go be a good friend to make up for all the lying he’s doing right now.

“Look at me,” he says gently and waits patiently for her to listen. And she does this time. “I know it’s scary, but I don’t think you have anything to be afraid of. Just be yourself, Iris. You’ll figure it out as you go along. Tell him you’re scared, I’m sure he’ll understand.” He’s an idiot if he doesn’t, he thinks to himself.

“Thanks Barry.”

“Of course.”

_______________________________________________________________________

“Oh come on they’re perfect for each other!”

He just rolls his eyes at her antics and tosses a piece of popcorn at her. “Uh-huh.”

She narrows her eyes at him and nudges his thigh with her feet, her toes pressing into him. “You’re just saying that to annoy me.”

He shrugs indifferently. But she’s right. It’s their movie night and once again he’s stuck watching a romantic comedy Iris has been wanting to watch. And he’s honestly powerless against her when she pouts and bats her eyelashes at him until he inevitably gives in. So the only way to get through it is to tease her about the romance. Because that’s easier than thinking about how he wishes he was with Iris, and how different movie nights would be if they were a couple.

It helps a little that they are sitting on opposite ends of the couch, a kind of silent mutually agreed on distance now that she’s dating Eddie

She lets out an exasperated noise. “Whatever.” They go back to watching the movie for a few minutes before she pokes his leg with her toe. “Hey, speaking of perfect for each other how did it go with Felicity?”

It comes out of nowhere and he’s sure that if he were drinking something he would have spit it out immediately.

“W-what?” he splutters, turning his head to face as he tries to figure out what’s going on.

She looks down at the pillow in her lap not answering him right away that alerts him to the fact that something is a little off with her. But then she’s looking at him again and there’s a flush to her cheeks that wasn’t there before.

“Are you and Felicity together? You seemed pretty close the other night. You’re perfect for each other, you know.”

He hears it, almost imperceptibly, she’s really good at covering it up, but it’s there in the way she says Felicity. A little drawn out, with the slightest edge to her voice, it also sounds like she’s forcing herself to sound upbeat and trying to tease him, but failing. It’s something he’s only heard a couple of times from her. Way back in high school when he was dating Becky (Becky Cooooper) and once in college when he had a girlfriend for a brief period of time. It’s jealousy and it sounds weird coming from her. In the past he didn’t think much of it, thinking that it was more because he wasn’t spending as much time with her, but now she’s with someone so she shouldn’t be jealous of Felicity.

Perfectly perfect.

It’s what Felicity said. And they were. Maybe in another life he would think about giving it a try with Felicity, but she’s in love with Oliver and he’s in love with Iris, it wouldn’t go anywhere. There’s a part of him that wants to tell her about the kiss and see how she reacts, but surprisingly he doesn't want her to be jealous, it doesn’t suit her. However, there’s something about Iris being jealous that gives him just a teeny bit of hope.

“No,” he answers softly.

Her eyes widen in surprise and she lets out a quiet “oh.” He doesn’t let himself dwell on the brief flicker of hope in her eyes that she masks quickly.

“We’re just friends. She’s great, but she’s in love with someone else.”

And I'm in love with you.

During his explanation she had scooted closer to him and now she’s in his personal space and he’s not about to complain. He holds her gaze a little longer than he should, but then she gives him a nod and he holds his arm out giving her the invitation to curl against this side. They’ve never been good at personal space anyway.

“Now let’s finish the movie and maybe you can convince me that these two are perfect for each other,” he teases, needing to steer them out of this slightly dangerous territory.

Thankfully she rolls her eyes and playfully slaps her hand against his chest. “You just don’t get it.”

_______________________________________________________________________

The thing is as much as he hates the fact that Iris is writing a blog about him he also admires her passion for it. He just wishes it was about something else, something that won’t put her in danger. It doesn’t help that she’s getting more and more invested to the point where she won’t stop talking about it. Really what makes it worse is that he can’t talk to her about it without telling her the truth which Joe really doesn’t want him to do. So he’s stuck with the task of trying to talk her out of it, a task he wants nothing to do with.

Only she’s telling him about her meeting with The Streak from last night.

“I think he smiled at me.”

He tries to ignore the way her eyes brighten and her lips tug up in a smile as she remembers.

Oh fuck. He needs to stop this now.

“Oh come on, Iris, you were drinking last night.”

Internally he winces at his words and the way she glares at him. It’s a low blow especially considering he did smile at her. But she had been drinking, more so than she usually does to the point that she had been giggling and hanging off of his arm all night instead of Eddie’s. He hates himself for using that against her, but he has to try, has to try to keep her from believing in the Streak, in him.

She opens her mouth to argue, but closes it quickly knowing that she doesn’t have much of an argument against it. And because he’s already being an asshole he just decides to continue the trend.

“How serious can you be? It’s an anonymous blog, you haven’t even put your name on it.”

He knows the moment the words leave his mouth that he’s going to regret them that they’re going to come back to bite him in the ass because he sees a glint in her eyes and he knows he’s woken up something inside of her. He just challenged her and she’s going to make this even more difficult for him.

But for now she says nothing other than, “I have to get back to work.”

He nods and lets her go. He stands there for a moment and runs his fingers through his hair cursing to himself. That could have gone a lot better, but it also could’ve been worse. He has this sinking feeling that he’s starting to lose her and the more he lies to her the worse it’s going to be.

Joe’s going to be pissed.

_______________________________________________________________________

His second attempt doesn’t go much better.

He does probably the stupidest thing he could possibly do; he sees her as The Streak. He doesn’t think there’s another way, she put her name on her blog, she made herself a target and he doesn’t know any other way to get her to stop. She won’t listen to him because she knows that he’s hiding something from her.

So here he is with her on the rooftop standing behind her listening to her speak about how she’s doing this for him. How she believes in the impossible because of him.

Shrinks analyzed him.

He pushes down the panic in his chest at the reminder of all those time he sat in the shrinks office and begged them to believe him, that his dad didn’t murder his mother, that it was the man in yellow. No one believed him. No one but Iris.

She thinks that he’s losing faith in the impossible and she wants to help him. Her back is to him and he listens with rapt attention to her slightly breathless voice and he wants to reach out and touch her, wants to tell her the truth. It makes him love her even more because she wants him to believe. The irony of it all isn’t lost on him.

“Help me save my friend.”

His heart stutters in his chest and she turns towards him and he forces himself to take a step back and blur his face. He ducks his head down, overwhelmed with emotion, with her faith in him. She’s looking at him with trusting eyes and there’s a part of him that wants to tell her the truth right here and now. Maybe it would lessen the weight on his chest, maybe it could save their friendship, maybe she would understand.

But he doesn’t.

“He’s a lucky guy.”

Instead he gives her another warning and leaves her on the roof.

_______________________________________________________________________

Maybe we shouldn’t see each other for a while.

Why the hell did he think that was a good idea? Because in all honesty he hates the distance. He hates that they aren’t speaking. He hates not talking to her every day. He misses her. He misses her so damn much. It’s his fault. He knows it is. The lies were beginning to get to him and he couldn’t bring himself to tell her the truth so he tried to put some space between them, but really it’s almost worse.

The only thing is he can’t stay away.

So Iris and The Streak have the occasional meeting on the rooftop. He can’t help himself. He knows it’s wrong, especially after the last time when she said she was doing it for him. And he thought it wasn’t possible to love her more than he already does. He’s always admired her kind heart and compassion for others and really without her he doesn’t know where he'd be, without her believing in him.

He finds her inside Jitters and automatically senses something is off with her. She’s sitting at the counter with her head in her hands and for a moment he wishes he wasn’t The Streak that he could be Barry right now, but he’s not. He makes sure to make some noise so he doesn’t startle her.

He doesn’t miss the smile that appears on her face when she turns around to see him. “Hi.”

“Hello, Miss West.”

And then he whisks her to the rooftop making sure to keep his distance. He fears that one of these days she’s going to get too close and he’ll slip up and she’ll figure it out. Though sometimes he feels that might not be a bad thing.

She stands near the ledge looking out over the city and he comes to stand near her. She sighs.

“My boyfriend and I broke up.”

What?

He swears that his heart is beating out of his chest. He can’t believe it, he thought they were pretty serious. On the inside he’s smiling because now he might have a chance, but then he sees her face and pushes down his own happiness, because clearly she’s torn up over this.

Keeping his voice as neutral as possible he asks, “are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugs. “My best friend and I aren’t speaking. And I really wish I could talk to him about this. I know he never really liked the idea of me and Eddie dating, but - I don’t know. I miss him.” And to him it sounds like she’s more upset about them not talking than she is about breaking up with Eddie.

“I bet he misses you too. You should go talk to him.”

Why the fuck did he say that? He’s an idiot. A fucking idiot. But maybe she’ll listen to The Streak and then he can make this right. Because honestly he hates seeing her like this.

“He’s keeping something from me.”

“Maybe he’s trying to keep you safe.”

“But he doesn’t lie to me. Not like this. I can tell it’s tearing him up too. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why he won’t tell me.”

Her voice cracks on the last word and that just about kills him right then and there.

He opens his mouth to say something he’ll probably regret when she says, “I should go.”

He nods and then runs them back downstairs. He pauses in the doorway and looks at her. “Goodnight, Miss West.”

_______________________________________________________________________

It’s nearly midnight when he hears a knock on his door. Quickly he goes to answer it knowing there’s really only one person it could be at this hour. He thinks of the conversation he had with her earlier as The Streak and wonders if she listened to his advice.

She’s on the other side of the door, arms wrapped around her middle and she worries her bottom lip between her teeth. At first it doesn’t seem like she realizes that he’s opened the door, she’s glancing down at her shoes and he can practically feel the nervousness radiating off her. And somehow that puts him at ease, because he’s nervous too.

“Iris?”

The gentle call of her name is loud in the silence and he sees her body recoil ever so slightly before she lifts her head and meets his eyes. “Eddie and I broke up.”

Even though it isn’t news to him, he’s still not sure how he feels about it. If he should be happy or furious. And he’s not sure what to do for her. If he should offer platitudes or comfort her. So he looks her over and tries to gauge where her head is at and what she needs right now. She doesn’t seem to be too upset, but he also knows how good she is at hiding what she’s really feeling. And he remembers earlier how she seemed more upset about the distance between them than the break up with Eddie. It still says a lot that she’s here when things have been so strained between them. That despite that she will still come to him when she needs him. And that’s when he decides that it doesn’t matter how he feels about the situation, what matters is her and making sure that she’s okay and being there for her.

“Come on,” he says softly, gesturing for her to come inside.

She only hesitates a second before stepping inside. He closes the door behind her and is surprised when she goes straight to his room and sits on his bed. Saying nothing he sits next to her making sure to leave some space between them so he doesn’t overwhelm her or make her uncomfortable. Even though all he wants to do is hold her.

She stares down at her hands clenched together tightly in her lap and he waits for her to speak. He wants to ask what happened because it’s been bothering him since earlier and he desperately wants to know where it all fell apart. He thought they were happy. But he knows that can’t push her right now, he already did that and it backfired. She’ll talk when she’s ready and he’ll listen.

“I was supposed to go to his place for dinner tonight, but I lost track of time working my blog.” He inwardly flinches at the mention of the thing that drove a wedge between him and Iris in the first place and he notices that she doesn’t look at him when she says it either. “I was over an hour late and he was pissed and we fought. And it wasn’t just about being late, it was about a lot of things. He didn’t like the way I was hanging out with you the other night and that I kept putting him off and ignoring his calls. I think he realized I was more interested in my blog and The Streak than I was being with him.”

He swallows and he’s glad that she’s not looking at him right now. Unknowingly he’s the reason why they broke up. Because she’s obsessed with The Streak and he’s too much of a coward to tell her the truth. He tries to push the guilt away and tries to focus on her right now because he’s worried.

“Are you okay?” He asks gently and he wants to touch her, comfort her, but he doesn’t know if she’ll let him.

She tilts her head to look at him and she nods. There’s no sign of tears and he’s not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

“I think so. It was kind of mutual. Once the fighting stopped we both realized it was for the best if we broke up.” Her eyes dart away again. “I just - I don’t know. I liked him a lot and he made me happy, but something was missing. I can’t explain it, it just didn’t feel right. I couldn’t see myself being with him forever.” He can feel the hope rising inside of him and immediately hates himself for it. Just because she couldn’t see herself with Eddie doesn’t mean she sees herself with him either. “It’s my fault. I fucked it up, maybe I just couldn’t let myself be happy with him. I knew that if I fell in love with him it would inevitably lead to heartbreak and so maybe I did it all on purpose so I could avoid that hurt in the future.” At this point her carefully constructed walls are cracking and he can see right through them. He can see the hurt and the fear and the self loathing.

But then she shrugs trying to appear unaffected. “It’s easier this way. Now my dad doesn’t have to worry about me dating his partner. It’s for the best.”

Her brown eyes find his and for the first time tonight she holds his gaze and something passes between them and he’s not sure what it is exactly, but he can feel himself hoping again and he has to look away before he says or does something stupid. He can’t let himself hope right now. Because even if she felt something for him she’s clearly not in the right space for anything right now. And as much as he wishes he could have something with her, and even if she felt the same he has to tell her the truth first. And that’s not going to happen yet.

He hears a quiet sniffle and he observes her. She’s doing her best to hold it all in. Her lips are pressed together in a tight line and her shoulders are tense and the rest of her body is rigid, like any little movement will release everything she’s trying to keep in. But there’s the slightest tremble to her chin, she doesn’t want to cry, doesn’t want to be weak.

“It’s okay to be sad, Iris,” he tells her because he knows that she thinks she doesn’t deserve to be sad because she was the one to end it. “It’s okay to cry. I won’t think any less of you.”

“I’m fine.” She shakes her head and the words come out a little choked, but she’s definitely not fine.

“Iris,” he does his best not to let his frustration through as he reaches his hand out to cover hers. “It’s me.” Meaning, it’s okay, stop holding it in.

One tear slips from her eyes and then it’s like the floodgates have finally opened because the tears won’t stop and he easily brings her into his arms and she goes without a fight. He doesn’t give her any false promises or empty words of comfort, he just lets her cry and rubs her back while he holds her.

_______________________________________________________________________

Hours later, after the school hallway and running faster than he ever has before and after his hand has healed he heads to Jitters. He knows she’ll be there and he needs to see her, needs to make sure she’s really okay. He can’t do it as himself, because Barry isn’t supposed to know the details of what happened, only The Streak does.

He reaches the door and looks inside. She’s the only one there with her back to him as she cleans the tables. It’s almost as if nothing happened today as if she’s not affected. And he has to wonder how she isn’t? But maybe it’s just him because this whole thing scared the shit out of him. From the moment he heard she had been taken there was an uneasy knot forming in his stomach and it has still yet to go away. The fear of losing her to a metahuman isn’t something he can let go.

The bell above the door chimes announcing his entrance and she spins around immediately at the noise and smiles when she sees him. And he can’t help but stare as she smiles at him, that beautiful smile of hers and god he just wants to tell her the truth now. He’s tired of lying, he’s tired of pretending around her. But at the same time he wants to keep that smile on her face. But he can still feel the fear and anger and other countless emotions swirling inside of him, simmering just under the surface ready to break free.

He really shouldn’t be here right now.

“Hi,” she breathes out, the smile never fading from her face oblivious to his inner struggle.

And suddenly the air in the room is too thick and her smile is too much.  

“Can we go to the roof?” he asks, making sure to vibrate his vocal chords. He knows he doesn’t really need to ask. He could easily just run her up to the rooftop and she wouldn’t mind. But he feels so out of it right now.

She nods and there in her dark brown eyes he sees concern. Concern for him. No, concern for The Streak. Is it possible to be jealous of yourself? Before he can think about it too much he speeds towards her and whisks her up to the roof. Once up there he makes sure to put some distance between them even though all he wants is to be closer to her.

Taking a deep breath he faces her and lets his eyes linger and that’s when he notices the discoloration on her arm and the white bandage on her hand. He can feel his blood boiling and he has to push down his rage at Tony for hurting her and at himself for letting his childhood bully take her because of him, even though he just wants to scream and rage.

He wants nothing more than to be able to reach out and touch her. To run his fingers over her bruises, he wants to heal her. And right now he wishes the ability to heal others was one of his powers.

“Are you okay?” he asks in a choked voice still unable to take his eyes off the bruises.

Her eyes follow his and she rubs her arms and there’s a flash of something in her eyes that he can’t quite read. But then she shrugs. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

She’s doing it again. Brushing things off like it’s nothing when it’s really something. Trying to act like everything is totally fine, because she feels like she has to be strong all the time. But she’s shaken by this.

“Did he hurt you?” he can’t help it. He needs to know if there’s more than the bruises he can see and the broken hand. A broken hand because she punched a fucking metahuman that turns into metal so she could save him.

She just shakes her head. “Just grabbed my arm and threw me to the ground. He wasn’t trying to hurt me. Just wanted to impress me. He thought he could be you and that I would - I don’t know. But it didn’t work.” She smiles at him and steps closer, he sucks in a breath. “You saved me.”

He turns away from her again walking towards the edge of the roof. It’s too much. His emotions are churning inside of him, he feels like a live wire, feels like he’s going to go off any second.

There’s a gentle hand on his arm and he nearly jumps out of his skin at her touch. He wishes he could just let her touch him, let her comforting touch soothe him and calm him like it normally does. But right now it makes him uneasy. He doesn’t want to think about what it means that she’s touching him like this and she doesn’t even know it’s him. And that’s the problem. He’s not sure if he can do this anymore.

“Are you okay?” she asks quietly. He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t know if he can, doesn’t know what he would say if he answered her. But he does know that right now he’s far from being okay. “You know what you did was pretty amazing. For a moment I thought you were going to leave me there with him.” His stomach drops at her words and he wants to tell her he would never leave like that. “But then you burst through the doors and knocked him out, it was like you - you come and go in a flash.” And then her eyes light up like she just solved a difficult puzzle. “What do you think about The Flash?”

“What?” Sometimes it’s hard to follow her train of thought, to know what she’s thinking and he can tell by the grin spreading in her face that she’s getting excited.

“Instead of The Streak, what about The Flash?”

That sounds a thousand times better than The Streak so he lets out a little laugh. “Okay.” And for a moment he feels better, lighter and it’s because of her.

She’s still grinning. “I could write about you. You know, let the world know how amazing you are. Tell everyone how you saved me, how you save the people of Central City each day. I could-”

“No.”

He practically growls catching her by surprise, but then her face falls and her eyes get colder and harder.

“Excuse me?” It’s a challenge and now she’s standing toe to toe with him. And he can’t back down now. He can’t let her do this. He can’t let her get hurt again because of him.

“You can’t do that. Write about me. Associate your name with me.”

“Why the hell not?” She asks loudly, angry. “Why don’t you want people to know how amazing you are?”

“Because it’s dangerous!” He shouts it’s all coming to the surface now, everything that’s been building all night is coming out. She flinches, but doesn’t take a step back. “Look at what happened today. He took you because you wrote about me. He hurt you to get to me. That can’t happen again.”

“So i’m just supposed to keep quiet because it’s safe? I don’t care!”

“I do!”

Oh shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

It comes out before he can stop it. Her eyes narrow and she scrutinizes him and he’s lucky that he still remembers to blur his face because he’s pretty damn sure his voice cracked. This is not how he saw this going.

“Why?” Her voice is quieter but still questioning and defensive. “Why do you care about me so much? You barely know me.”

He doesn’t answer her. His heart is stuck in his throat. This is the moment. If he’s going to tell her now is the time. The words are on his tongue.

But he’s been silent too long and she’s out of patience. “You know what, never mind. I have something to write.”

She starts to walk away and then words are out before he can stop them. There’s no going back now. If he let’s her walk away nothing will be the same again. He’ll have lost her in both areas of his life.

“Iris, wait.”

He doesn’t distort his voice when he speaks, he lets her hear his voice. She freezes in place once she does. Her back is to him so he can’t see her face and he can’t gauge what she’s feeling right now, but he can damn well guess that she’s in shock and probably more than a little pissed.

“I’ll tell you why I care so much. Just come here and I’ll tell you.”

He wonders what’s going through her mind right now, but she spins around and slowly, cautiously makes her way over to him. And he’s holding his breath when she stops with a good distance between them. He doesn’t know what she’s going to do, what she’s going to say.

With her this close he stops blurring his face too and lets her see him. It’s now or never. He can’t keep it from her any longer. Her eyes widen and then he sees the anger and the hurt and betrayal flash in them.

“Take it off,” she demands. “Take it off right now,” her voice takes on an almost hysterical tone and he knows she’s barely holding it together right now.

There’s a moment where he thinks about asking her to do it, but decides that would be pushing it too far. So he takes a deep breath, after he does this he may lose her for good, but at least she’ll know the truth.

Slowly he peels the cowl off and he’s surprised at how freeing it feels. To show her who he really is. He keeps his eyes on hers and watches every single emotion that flickers across her face. She takes him in for a moment like she’s processing that this Barry, that it’s been him the whole time.

She just stares at him. And he waits for her to say something, anything. He knows she’s just trying to process it all, but the silence is getting to him.

“Iris.” He can’t take it anymore.

She holds up her hand effectively stopping him from saying anything else. “Don’t.” Her voice shakes and this time she doesn’t try to hide it. “All this time and you choose now - I don’t understand I-”

“I wanted to tell you, I swear I did. But I wanted to keep you safe -”

“Look how well that worked out,” she mutters under her breath, but he knows he’s meant to hear it. “And you didn’t think that if I knew then maybe that would keep me safer? Then I would know what’s going on?”

Her tone is harsh and filled with hurt, but she’s right. Telling her could’ve kept her safer than this.

“I’m sorry,” he tells her, because it’s really all he can say. “I should have told you. I did think it would keep you safe. And honestly I’d do anything to keep you safe. But god, when I heard that you had been taken - I - it felt like, I don’t know, but it was because of me. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.”

Her eyes soften a little at his words but she still wraps her arms around herself protectively, shielding herself from him.

“I’m sorry,” he says again because he doesn’t think he can say it enough. “I-”

“Barry, I can’t. I know you’re sorry, but this is a lot you can’t expect me to forgive you, you can’t expect me to be okay with this. I - I need to process this and...I just need time.”

He nods. “Okay.”

He knows there isn’t much else he can say, but he decides to give it one more try.

“Please take your name off it. Don’t write about me anymore. I can’t stand it if you get hurt again because of me.”

She looks him dead in the eyes and answers coldly, “No.”

And then this time he’s the one left alone on the roof.

_______________________________________________________________________

He rushes into the precinct pushing past people asking if they’ve seen Joe or Iris. With each passing second the panic rises and all he can think about is the worst case scenario. Both of them are dead. Joe is dead. Iris is dead. He can’t lose them. They are his family and he doesn’t know what he would do without them. But he pushes those thoughts from his mind and continues his frantic search.

Where the fuck are they?

He needs to find them now before he goes even more out of his mind. Then he sees Eddie being wheeled past him on a stretcher and his heart sinks. He continues on and then he sees Tockman in handcuffs and a bandage wrapped around his knee. What the hell happened here?

And then finally, fucking finally, he sees them. He comes to a stop at the bottom of the stairs and he can’t help the grin spreading across his face in pure relief at the sight in front of him. Joe and Iris, both alive and safe sitting next to each other on the steps, Iris leaning into her father. He can breathe again, for a while it seemed like his whole world was crashing down around him.

All he can do is stand there and watch them, his feet won’t move, but this time he’s okay with it. It’s not a bad thing, because he’s afraid that if he looks away this will all be some fucked up dream too good to be true.

Then he hears it, the soft whisper of his name and his eyes instantly find hers. Her eyes hold him in place and he can’t help help but think that he could have lost her today and he wouldn’t have known it. And that the last time they spoke, they fought and Iris could barely look him in the eye when he told her the truth.

Iris lifts her head from her dad’s shoulder and Joe gives her a kiss on the side of the head and then before he can even process what’s happening she’s running down the stairs right to him. He has a few seconds to prepare himself for impact as she runs right into his arms and he crushes her to his body placing a hand on the back of her head keeping it against his chest. The tension and fear slowly drains out of him as he focuses on the feel of her in his arms, safe, where she belongs. She trembles against and he just holds her tighter, like he’s trying to absorb it.

“I’m sorry,” he says into her hair, feeling tears burning in his eyes. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. That I couldn’t help, couldn’t save you and everyone else.” I’m sorry for lying to you, for everything.

Small hands clutch the back of his shirt, twisting it and holding on tight. And then a gut wrenching sob escapes her and he rocks them back forth making quiet shushing sounds into her hair. She cries into his chest and does his best to reassure her to surround her with his safety and warmth and just not to let her go, give her as much time as she needs. Which really isn’t that hard because he never wants to let her go.

He’ll never stop beating himself up for not being there, for being powerless and useless to do anything to keep Iris and Joe safe. To prevent this from even happening in the first place. What makes it even worse is that they didn’t know that he lost his powers, they probably thought he would be there, but he never showed. Once again he let them down, let Iris down.

Eventually when the sobs subside and she’s sniffling quietly he gently lifts her head up so he can get a good look at her. He swears he’s never seen anyone as beautiful as she is right now with her tear stained face and red eyes and smudged make up, biting her lower up to stop the slight tremble of her chin. She’s breathtaking.

He pushes her hair back from her face twisting his fingers into it gently. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you? What the hell happened?” He rattles off question after question, desperate for answers and she waits until he’s finished to answer.

“I’m okay,” her voice is hoarse from all the tears. “He had us all in a circle, hands handcuffed behind our backs. He didn’t hurt me. But he shot Eddie and then he took me with him, but by some miracle I managed to get Eddie’s extra gun off him. When he took me into the hallway I shot him in the knee. It was enough to distract him and to get the cops inside.” There’s a hint of smile on her face at what she did, but that quickly fades as she looks past him to that hallway. “Fuck, Barry, I could have died, there was a gun to me, I-”

“Hey, hey, look at me,” he says firmly, his voice sounding much stronger than he feels right now as her tears start again. He cups her face in both hands and she looks at him. “You’re okay.” He somehow manages to crack a smile. “You saved yourself, and everyone else. You were so brave, Iris, I’m so proud of you. You did so good.”

“A girl’s gotta be her own hero every now and again, right?” she says with the same weak, watery smile.

“Yeah,” he manages to say.

A part of him is glad that she hasn’t asked why he wasn’t there and the other part of him feels uneasy. What does she think of him? Does she think he’s incapable of being a hero? Of saving her and other people? Has he completely lost her trust?  

Not wanting to think about it anymore he pulls her back into the circle of his arms and she goes easily, tucking herself against him burying her face into his chest.

“Barry?” her voice is muffled by the fabric of his shirt but he still hears her clearly.

“Yeah?”

“Promise me something.”

Anything, he wants to say. “Hmm?”

“Don’t let go.”

He presses a kiss to her hairline and breathes out. “Never.”

_______________________________________________________________________

The next morning he sits across from her at the table. It’s silent and a little awkward. After everything that had happened the night before he had spent the night on the couch, not wanting to be alone and not wanting to let Iris and Joe out of his sight. No one had argued. But now in the morning light things were different. And he isn’t naive enough to think that the adrenaline fueled moment he and Iris had at the precinct is enough to erase the hurt he caused, it’s not going to fix everything between them, even if he wishes it was.

So they sit and drink their coffee neither of them wanting to speak first. She reaches out to cover his hand with hers and he wants so badly to turn his over and link their fingers together, but he doesn’t, just lets her squeeze his hand before letting go.

“Barry, I-,” she starts and then stops and lets out a frustrated sigh. He gives her a small smile and the space to think about her words, he knows that whatever she’s about to say is going to be important so he doesn’t want to rush her.

“Look, I’m still hurt and pissed, but if yesterday taught me anything it’s that I don’t want to lose you. I need you in my life. I…”

“But you still need some time,” he says gently.

“Yeah,” she agrees.

He gives her a sad smile and stands before crossing over to her side of the table and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Take all the time you need.”

She looks up at him, a little surprised.

“I’m not going anywhere, okay? When you’re ready to talk or not talk, I’m here. If you need me for anything…” he trails off with a shrug, but she nods understanding his meaning.

He gives her a half smile and then he’s out the door.

_______________________________________________________________________

The next month is a little weird.

Whenever there’s something he wants to tell Iris he has to stop himself from reaching out to her. He wants to give her the space she needs to figure things out. And he holds on to the hope that eventually things will get better between them, that maybe they can go back to how they used to be.

The thing is they aren’t not talking. He still goes to Jitters occasionally and they engage in small talk. At first it’s a little awkward, but becomes a little easier. Sometimes he sees her at the precinct visiting Joe. He notices there’s a couple of weeks where Joe is in a funk and he doesn’t see Iris around at all, but he doesn’t dare pry. It’s not his business.

He misses her. He misses how close they used to be. But he takes the time to get used to being The Flash, to get a better handle on his powers.

Surprisingly she still writes about The Flash, and she’s gained quite the following too. So when he can he gives her a heads up if something is happening. He also takes the time to read through all of her blog posts and he reads the comments too. And he realizes that she’s really doing some good for the people of Central City. Her words inspire hope and belief in the impossible and he wishes he never tried to get her to stop, because clearly she was meant to do this. So yeah, he helps her out when he can because it’s the least he can do.

Then after a month or so Iris reaches out, says she’s ready to talk.

_______________________________________________________________________

He’s been staring at the board for hours now. Nothing’s changed. All the strings, photos, and articles are in the same place. Not since the last time he looked at it. But it feels wrong not to look at it. He needs to remind himself that despite everything else that has been going on in his life becoming The Flash, mending his relationship with Iris he’s still trying to catch the man who murdered his mother.

The man in the yellow suit is back in town and he’s going to catch him. He has to.

His eyes fall on a picture of his mom and her smiling face. He bites down in his lip until it bleeds (and then heals) trying in vain to keep the tears from spilling over. Fuck, he misses her. Misses her every goddamn day. A long time ago he stopped wondering what his life would be like if she was alive, knowing that going there wouldn’t help him. But times like this he can’t help but think about it. He wishes she was here, he could really use one of her hugs, her gentle words of encouragement, her love. She would know what to do, what to do with Iris, with everything.

He thinks about the days when he would come home from a bad day at school and she would always be there to make it better. And then one day she wasn’t. He remembers that first day coming home from school, walking home with Iris and her gentle reminder that he was coming home with her. He remembers walking inside the West home and expecting to see his mom appear and ask him how his day was. But she never did. Instead he ran up to his room and didn’t come out until the next morning.

And of course he remembers the night she was murdered, doesn’t think he’ll ever forget it. He remembers her tucking him into bed, how scared he had been of the dark. You’re never alone, Barry, she told him. (And yet right now he feels so alone). He remembers waking up in the middle of the night, remembers going down the stairs and seeing red and yellow lightning, remembers the man in yellow. He remembers her screaming.

“Barry!”

He can’t get the screaming out of his head.

“Barry!”

And then he was suddenly outside far from his house and had to run all the way back only to find his mom already in a body bag and his father being arrested. Everything ruined in one night, by one man.

“Barry?”

A soft voice breaks him out of his memories and he turns his head to see Iris standing a few feet away from him, worry etched clearly on her face.

“Huh?” his voice is scratching and he discreetly tries to wipe away the tears he feels on his face, unaware that he had been crying.

“I called your name a couple of times, but you didn’t answer.” He realizes that he had heard his mom’s voice instead of hers. “You okay?”

He turns his attention back to the board. “Yeah.” It’s completely unconvincing, but she doesn’t push it further.

Instead she steps closer and looks over the board. “I didn’t know you still looked at this.”

He ignores her words, not wanting to comment. “What are you doing here?” he asks, the words coming out harsher than he intends, but he’s not exactly in the mood for company, even hers. He hears her huff in frustration, but she doesn’t make a move to leave.

“Barry,” her voice is nothing but patient. “Dad told me about the man in yellow and I thought you could use a friend right now.” She leaves that hanging and he swears she sounds nervous like she thinks he’s going to reject her and ask her to leave. They’ve patched things up between them and it’s been better than it was, but at times neither of them are sure if they’re doing too much. But regardless of that he doesn’t think he has it in him to ask her to leave. Because she’s the only one he can really talk to about his mom, the only one who understands and he needs her right now.

“I miss her, Iris,” he breathes out. “I think about her everyday and I can’t help but wonder if she would be proud of me. Of who I am, what I’ve been doing.”

He feels like he let his mother down. That he’s something she wouldn’t want him to be. That she’d be disappointed in him.

Pissed off with himself and everything else (he had the man in yellow in front of him and failed spectacularly) he abruptly gets to his feet and with a pained cry pushes his chair across the room. It crashes loudly against the wall echoing in the quiet room. He walks over to his desk placing his hands flat on in and hunches over.

And suddenly he feels ten years old again and he’s back in that living room and the red and yellow lightning is all he can see. The tightness that’s been in chest all night is getting tighter and tighter and his breath quickens and all he can hear is her mother screaming.

“Barry.”

He barely registers Iris’ voice until there are arms wrapped around his middle and a warm weight at his back. She squeezes him tightly and he immediately relaxes under her touch, the panic slowly ebbing away. She places a hand on his chest and he covers it with his own hand as he tries to get his breathing under control. He’s still trying desperately to hold back the tears, to keep himself from completely losing it because her touch is his undoing and he’s so close to falling apart.

“Breathe,” she tells him. “I’ve got you.”

Her words manage to get a small smile out of him and his breathing is close enough to being back to normal that she loosens her hold just a little bit, but doesn’t move away. Without having to look her in the eyes it’s easier to say the words he needs to.

“All I do is fuck things up. All I do is fail. I feel like I can’t do anything right lately. I mean how could she be proud of that? I had the man in yellow, Iris, he was right there, but I - I don’t know then I got my ass kicked and he got away. And then - then there’s all the ways I fucked things up with us.”

He hears and feels her sigh and then before he can quite realize what’s happening she’s turning him around. “Listen to me, Barry Allen.” It’s said in a way that he has no choice but to do as she says and just to make sure she takes a hold of his chin between her fingers so that he can’t look away. “You are a hero. You save lives. And I think she would be so proud of the man you’ve become. In fact I know she would. I am.” Her fingers skim along his face and it calms him as he leans into her touch without thinking about it and he can’t take his eyes off of hers as she gives him a gentle smile. “And you haven’t fucked things up with me. We’re okay, Barry. We’re going to be just fine. You have me and I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

“Okay,” his voice cracks a little but he smiles back at her.

Her smile widens and he thinks it’s the best thing in the world. It’s like she’s the light chasing away all the darkness that’s been surrounding him the last couple of days, weeks, and months.

_______________________________________________________________________

“Barry,” she whispers, glancing up at him, eyes wide in shock. Between her fingers she holds the delicate gold chain with a wedding band attached.

Her eyes drift back down to the ring as she places it in the palm of her hand when she looks back at him it’s almost like she can’t believe he’s giving her this. Her mouth opens trying to form words, but nothing comes out. And he knows he made the right choice. He’s always wanted to do this for her, but he could never find the right time. It helps that she’s no longer with Eddie because it sure as hell would make it awkward to give another man’s girlfriend a wedding ring. But considering everything they’ve been through the past few months he decided to go for it. And it’s all worth it to see the look on her face.

“It’s…” she starts, but trails off the emotion getting the better of her.

“A replica of your mom’s wedding ring,” he finishes for her in a quiet voice. “The one you lost on the fifth grade field trip to the zoo.”

“You remembered?”

He nods and smiles. “Of course I did.”

It seems that once again he’s rendered her speechless which is quite an accomplishment considering how much she likes to talk. She can’t stop staring at the ring holding it carefully in her hand like she doesn’t want to leave fingerprints on it.

Gently he takes it from her hands and has to hold in a laugh at her outraged expression that he dared take it from her. But he just shakes his head. “Come here.” He gestures so she knows he wants to put it on her. Her face melts into a smile as she turns around and he gets up on his knees, his chest brushing against her back and he doesn’t miss her sharp inhale at the contact. She pulls her hair off to one side giving him better access. His own breath comes out a little too quickly for his liking as he tries to control his shaking hands as he clasps the chain around her neck. He’s so tempted to bend down and kiss the base of her neck right where the clasp is. It’s right there, taunting him, it would be so easy. But he restrains himself knowing that they just got their friendship back on track, and it’s been going great and he doesn’t want to make things awkward or make her uncomfortable.

When she turns to face him again they’re much closer than he was expecting and he can feel her breath on his face. Her fingers play with the necklace, but her eyes are locked on his and it feels like all of the air has been sucked out of the room. Her eyes hold him in place and he wouldn’t be able to break her gaze even if he wanted to.

Before he can stop himself he reaches out a hand brushing his knuckles along her jawline and her eyes never once waver. And then she’s leaning and he is too. So much for restraining himself. Their lips touch ever so softly and lightly and his world rocks on its axis. Her lips are soft and full against his and he never, ever wants to forget this feeling.

It’s a quick, fleeting kiss and they both lean back after a few seconds. He doesn’t know if he wants to open his eyes, doesn’t know if this is what she wants, if she feels the same way he does - completely, hopelessly, and irrevocably in love. But when he finally braves it she has a shy smile playing on her lips and he can’t help but grin back at her.

And then they’re closing the gap again.

This time it’s a little more than just a touch. It’s lingering and he presses his lips to hers harder and their lips fit together perfectly. He thinks he could easily get addicted to her lips, to the feeling of them against his, soft. He thinks about taking a chance to try and deepen it but -

She’s pulling back and he looks at her searchingly for any sign of what she’s feeling right now and her eyes are wide and panic is clearly etched on her face. She’s ready to bolt. And there’s a part of him that thinks he should let her, but another part of him is tired of them running from each other. So when she gets to her feet he does too, and grabs her wrists in each of his hands. His hold is gentle, she could easily pull away if she wanted to, but she stays where she is almost like she's frozen in place.

He opens his mouth to speak and then closes it again, suddenly unsure of what to say. Unsure of what he can say to reassure her. He wants this with her so badly, and he thinks she wants it too, but she’s scared.

Instead of saying anything he just pulls her into his arms for a tight hug and it takes a moment but then she relaxes and hugs him back. Resting his cheek on top of her head he closes his eyes and savors the moment and how right it feels. He doesn’t know how long they stand there in each other’s arms but as the minutes pass by he realizes it’s time to tell he loves her. He thinks this is the right moment and he might not get a better chance.

Eyes still closed he breathes her in. It’s now or never.

“I love you, Iris.”

At first he’s met with silence as she goes still in his arms, but then her fingers grip the back of his shirt a little tighter. He’s a little unnerved by her silence, but still takes it as a good sign that she hasn’t pushed him away in disgust or flat out rejected him.

And then, “Barry.”

He picks up on the emotion in her voice, the slight questioning tone. She’s asking him if he means it that way. She almost sounds nervous. But then there’s something he can’t quite decipher, something like hope or relief.

Reluctantly he pulls back and he feels the weight sitting heavy on his chest and he knows he needs to get the rest of this out, he can’t keep it in anymore. He needs her to know. So he takes a hold of her hands and leads her to the couch, there’s no way he can do this standing up he feels like his legs are going to give out any second.

He turns his body towards her, knees bumping against hers and he’s still holding her hand, he thinks he needs it to anchor him and she seems to realize this too. She rubs her thumb across the top of his hand and it gives him the strength to continue.

“I’ve loved you since before I even knew what the word love meant. There’s been so many times when I just wanted to tell you and I know I could have done it any time, but I was just so scared to lose you, scared that it would change our relationship and I needed you as a friend more than I needed you as something else. How was I supposed to tell the girl who had seen me at my worst who never looked at me like I was crazy that I loved her?” He pauses and takes in the tears in her eyes, but he can’t stop now. “When I woke up from my coma you were the first person I wanted to see. I was so worried that something had happened to you too. But you were fine and then you jumped into my arms and I knew I had to tell you, that I couldn’t keep it in anymore. But then I realized I had powers and you were with Eddie. I know I fucked up, Iris. I should have never lied to you. I’m so sorry.”

The tears trickle down her face and he wants to wipe them away, but he can’t. He just bared his soul to her and he can’t look at her anymore. She hasn’t said anything yet and he thinks her silence is worse than rejection. Maybe he shouldn’t have done this. Maybe he should have let her run and they could have pretended the kiss never happened.

“I’m sorry,” he mutters trying to hide the emotion in his voice. He won’t look at her as he slips his hand from hers ignoring the way she holds it tighter, like she doesn’t want him to let go and he makes his way to the door as quickly as possible.

It only takes a second before she’s calling after him and he’s not processing it, only focusing on getting out of here and running away.

“Barry, wait!” she calls after him again, but his hand is already on the doorknob. “Barry Allen, stop right there or I swear to god I’ll-”

He turns around and she’s right there, hands on her hips, that look in her eyes and he swallows.

“Iris, I’m sorry I-”

“You said you love me.”

“I know I-”

“You didn’t let me say anything.”

“Look-”

She sighs, frustrated.

“Would you just shut the fuck up for a moment?”

And then her hands are curling into his shirt and she’s pulling him towards her and her mouth is on his and suddenly his mind goes blank. Iris is kissing him. She’s kissing him and she doesn’t give him time to react, to kiss her back before she’s pulling away, lingering ever so slightly.

He opens his eyes after a moment, stunned, and all he can do his blink at her as the corner of her mouth tugs up into a satisfied smile.

“I love you, Barry.”

It’s the best thing he’s ever heard. It’s everything he’s ever wanted to hear her say. She feels the same. She loves him too. And he’s grinning like a fool at her.

Then with shaking hands he cups her neck bringing his forehead to rest on hers.

“God, I love you.”

_______________________________________________________________________

The second they make it up to her room and the door is shut behind them his mouth is on hers and he has her against the door. She lets out a little surprised squeal as she loops her arms around his neck, tugging him closer as she kisses him back. He doesn’t waste time coaxing her mouth open, kissing her with intention and hunger and she kisses him back with enthusiasm.

When Iris had texted him earlier and asked if he wanted to come over early before everyone arrives for the Christmas party he had jumped at the chance to get some alone time with her.

After minutes of kissing he pulls back, trying to catch his breath as he rests his forehead against hers.

“Hi,” he says cheekily.

She grins up at him. “Hi.” It comes out a little breathless.

And then she’s leaning up and kissing him again, slow and sure. He loses track of time kissing her, but his hands start to wander, sliding under her sweater touching her soft skin, his knuckles ghosting against her ribcage enjoying the fact that she shivers and pulls him even closer.

Then there’s a knock on the door startling both of them apart.

“Yeah?” Iris manages to say without sounding as flustered as she looks.

“Everyone’s here,” Joe tells her.

“Be right down.”

Neither of them move until they hear Joe’s footsteps go down the stairs, then he lets out a laugh and Iris rests her forehead against his chest laughing as well. It feels good to laugh like this, it feels like it’s been ages since he laughed like this and it’s because they got caught making out in Iris’ room by her dad. But he also feels happy in a way that he hasn’t for a long time.  

Once they’ve calmed down he steps away from her so that she can adjust her sweater that he had rucked up and fix her hair. He fixes his own shirt smoothing it down.

“You good?” she asks him.

“Yeah,” he answers, voice rough. “I’m good.” But he’s just looking at her. She’s beautiful (which of course isn’t a new observation) but there’s something about the flush of her cheek and her still slightly mussed hair and dazed look, but then there’s that smile on her face. A smile he swear could light up a room. She’s happy too.

“Let’s go.”

“Wait.”

“What?”

He kisses her once more, because he can’t help himself. This time it’s nothing but a gentle peck. “I love you.”

She rolls her eyes affectionately at him, but there’s a smile playing at her lips. Now that they’re together he finds that he enjoys telling her he loves her every chance he gets and that she likes it too.

“C’mon.” She takes him by the hand and leads him downstairs.

As they reach the bottom of the stairs he can feel everyone’s eyes on them. He catches Joe’s eye as the older man realizes that he had been upstairs with Iris the whole time. Joe gives him a half-hearted glare to which he just rolls his eyes.

When they had told Joe a few days ago that they were together he had been happy for them. And even though Barry didn’t need Joe’s approval he wanted it.

Later, everyone gathers around the tree and as Joe puts the angel on the top. Iris comes to stand next to him and without a second thought he wraps his arm around her waist pulling her to his side. Her own arm comes around him as she leans into him. He turns his head so that he can press his lips to the top of her head. She tilts her chin up to look at him, a smile gracing her lips and he leans down and kisses her. It’s chaste because of present company, but still full of love.

“Merry Christmas, Barry.”

“Merry Christmas, Iris.”

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