#she has a strained relationship with her parents. she’s got schizophrenia

[lilliemadoka]

wip where im just fuckin around with a new brush lol. won’t finish because I low-key hate it. anyway this is technically oc posting

her name is callie meteno and she’s a pokemon oc!

[lunatic-pudge]

Postal Doe Headcanons (Cause I Love Her)

-Aight, so, I know Postal Doe is supposed to be the female counterpart Postal Dude, BUT, I think it'd be cooler if she was her own separate entity. She's a bad bitch who deserves to be her own person

-Which leads me to my next headcanon that Dude and Doe are twins. When they were younger, they were very close since they were really all they had due to having a wonderfully shitty childhood. Caring for each other cause their parents couldn't be bothered too. While they did have similar intreats, there are some differing things between them.

-For starters, Doe wasn't a religious nut like Dude was. No matter how much people tried to indoctrinate her, it just didn't work like how they wanted. If the family was going to church, she was doing whatever she could to avoid it. If people tried to corner her and tell her how she's gonna go to Hell if she doesn't repent, she tunes them out and dismisses them. This has put a strain on her and Dude's relationship, especially when they got older and Dude's schizophrenia started to worsen. Now, Dude and Doe know everything about each other (obviously, they're twins and have always been there for each other), she knows about his deteriorating mental health, she knows she could just ignore him and his ramblings about how she's gonna burn in Hell for all eternity and that he doesn't want that for her, but Doe found it easier to just distance herself away from her own brother.

-When they were in their early twenties, the two had a huge falling out which resulted in them not talking for a few years. Doe took this as an opportunity to skip town and have a little reset on her life. Also, before the falling out, she was there for Dude and the Bitch's wedding. She never liked the Bitch, finding her to be stuck up and just not a good person for her brother. The Botch was quick to help drive a wedge between the siblings cause she hated Dude interacting with other women, even including family

-It was a rough start at first. Having to start from the bottom and work her way up. She was able to make a name for herself in the Arizona punk/metal scene. I can see her being a musician, playing the guitar and bass, and even being a bit of a singer as well. Being apart of several bands throughout the years. She would have side jobs on the side to help keep money coming in and was able to get herself in a more comfortable position than what she used to be in.

-Definitely a lesbian, but I can also see her being asexual. An asexual woman enjoyer? I'll let you decide on it. I just know that she likes women and isn't afraid to admit it. She's had her share of lovers in the past and WILL flirt with you if you are a fellow baddie. I need this woman to be with a cottagecore girl ASAP. I really like the opposites attract trop

-No back to the more sad stuff! It took a bit for the news of what happened in Paradise and Dude's hospitalization to get back to Doe. To say she was shocked when finding out would be an understatement. Poor thing felt horrible. She has basically abandoned her brother and had let him get worse. She tries to get in contact with the mental hospital, but they wouldn't let her visit him. She had to go on with her life knowing what her brother did and how she wasn't there for him like she should've been

-Doe tired to get updates on Dude but the hospital was rather unhelpful and uncooperative with her. When Dude got out of the hospital, Doe was able to get back in touch with him. It had taken a while for them to repair their relationship, but they're on way better terms now. Doe does what she can to help Dude. Doe wasn't happy to be dealing with the Bitch again, but she put up with it for the sake of her brother. Homegirl celebrated when Dude and the Bitch finally divorced. It was a dream come true

-Now while Dude and Doe were able to patch things up, they aren't very involved with each other's lives. They do get into some disagreements though, like Dude's health pipes. She gets on him about using them but he argues that he can do whatever he wants. I can see them also just being like typical siblings and picking on each other. But for real, Doe does not like that her brother smokes crack. She'd rather he smoke weed but he really can't cause it makes his schizophrenia worse

-Conclusion: I want Postal Doe just as much as I want Postal Dude❤️

[erigold13261]

Question: would Tila want to be cured of her schizophrenia? How does it affect her life?

I was worried for a second you were gonna ask if she wanted to be cured of being a lesbian because it's the start of pride month and the ask notification cut off before it got to schizophrenia. I was gonna say something like "What a way to start off June."

Under the cut to save space. (also, I do not have Schizophrenia, so all my headcanons come from research and hearing what people with Schizophrenia have to say about their own life)

Anyway, before the Rock Revolution and after becoming emancipated from her parents, I would say that Tila was in the best mental state of her life. Overall most of her symptoms were mainly disorganized thinking and behaviour with some audio hallucinations and delusions.

Being Sayu during that time helped her stay focused and allowed her to play a role that wasn't herself. She would mainly have a script or know how to act as Sayu, getting lost in the role which helped her a lot. It was basically like art therapy for her.

When not playing Sayu she would end up talking to herself a lot or isolating herself in her room, or forget to take care of herself, but thankfully the rest of the Crew (after living with her for a while) figured out ways to help her when she started forgetting self care or if she was saying stuff they could not understand.

I would say her and Dodo had the hardest time communicating for a while because sometimes she would think she heard him talk or that he was signing something he wasn't. One time she was convinced that Dodo was talking verbally to her only and not talking to anyone else even though he can't talk at all. It took a while to get her to change that line of thinking, but now if she thinks she isn't seeing his signs right she tries to look through her phone at his hands to see properly (though that doesn't always work).

It does also help that at this point she was medicated and seeing a very good therapist thanks to the money coming in from Sayu.

Before that, when she was living with her parents (and the reason she was even diagnosed was because her parents put her in therapy for liking girls and the therapist was able to see early symptoms of Schizophrenia), her Schizophrenia was really bad. There would be some days she wasn't making any sense at all and her family would just make it worse and try to either instigate her delusions more or tell her they aren't real and to stop faking or acting irrationally.

It was not a good time for Tila mainly because of the stress of living with her family. That stress died down a lot when she moved in with the Crew and her only job was to be the voice of Sayu. It was one of the only things she could reliably do.

Which is why when Sayu became real and sentient, it really hurt Tila mentally. She was stressed that she was losing her job, that people made Sayu to replace her, that she was Sayu and this was an imposter. At times she thought that she was the real Sayu and Sayu was Tila in disguise. It really put a strain on Sayu and Tila's relationship and I don't think Tila is really close with any of the Mermaid Club compared to the rest of the Crew.

She still goes through pockets of psychosis with moments of lucidity. She is definitely not as bad as when she was living with her family, but she is also not at the stage of being able to tell if she is having delusions or hallucinations or finding ways to cope or work around her demotivation.

When she is lucid, she does want to be "normal" and not go back to how she was, but she also doesn't want to lose the voices she hears because a majority of the time they actually help her and medication stops her from hearing them she gets super lonely and stops taking her medication. It is a battle for her a lot of the time and she still has a long way to go to get to a point where she is more lucid than not.

So yes, technically Tila does want to be cured, but other times she doesn't even think she has a problem at all. Some days are absolutely horrible for her, making work and just taking care of herself impossible. Other days are amazing and she can get so much done and feels very lucid and can hold conversations without saying something inappropriate or nonsensical. But most of the time it is an in between where she might hear a voice or see something not there, or that she thinks she or her friends are being replaced, or that she has to cover her hair and face with her hoodie to not let people see her eyes and ears for some reason.

It's a struggle but she is managing as best as she can. She has her therapist, her friends, and especially Eve who I think has helped a lot in making sure Tila gets the resources she needs (or that the Crew has the resources to help Tila as best as possible).

Most likely her symptoms might get worse as she grows older, but because she has a support system (and honestly a lot of money) she will be able to get help to manage her Schizophrenia. It will never truly go away, but she can work on lowering the symptoms she has as best as she can.

[carriecutforth]

The Shit

Tumblr is telling me to go ahead, put anything...so here it goes

I haven't been public about this for reasons that will be apparent but gonna start this with all the trigger warnings. I'm writing it here cause I can't talk to the majority of people about it cause most people can't even grasp, and then questions start, putting me in the situation of feeling like my GIANT SWEATER of trauma is being unraveled answering questions that lead to more questions and gah PLEASE DO NOT RETUMBL-- I just need to scream in the void This is the shit: On the day my sister-in-law's mother died she had to call form-1 my baby brother because his psychosis (undiagnosed mental illness which I will get to) was terrorizing their family (three small kids). My mother WHO IS SCHIZOPHRENIC had him released into her and my ANTI-VAXXER ANTI-MASKER narcissist father's care, but NOT before they found out, incidentally due to the FORM 1, he is ALSO really sick with leukemia. I only found out because I decided to dip into the special folder for emails called MOM that I try to avoid reading as long as they can FOR REASONS. But I felt for some reason an urge to, and then I had to try to parse out what had happened from her ramblings that are A LOT. Then I had to confirm with my poor sil who is at her wits end and was in no position to tell me herself. My dad stopped talking to me back in November when I called him for his anti-vax rhetoric as being EUGENICS when he told me it is just the flu and only killing old people and the disabled. I reminded him I've been immuno-compromised my whole life (he KNOWS this) and got chronic fatigue after a flu in late 2016 (he knows this), and did he not care if I DIED? (apparently not) But I was like lol, fine, don't talk to me anymore. Die mad about it for all I care. A lot of people are like: 'oh, that's tough, losing a relationship with your father' and I'm like YOLO (it really isn't if you knew him). SO THEN I have to reach out to my dad: "Why isn't my brother in the hospital being treated by medical professionals for YOU KNOW, HIS LEUKEMIA." My dad responded that the doctors were JUST GOING TO PUMP HIM FULL OF DRUGS! And that HE is treating my brother's leukemia with I dunno baking soda (he told me before it is a cure for cancer). THEN HE GOES RADIO SILENT. I have no idea where my brother is cause they got him an apartment somewhere in Toronto. *though I do have a Machiavellian plan to try to find out. The reason my brother has untreated psychosis is that even though I've begged my parents since he was a TEEN to get him diagnosed, they refused. It's like they have the opposite of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy in that their ABLEISM is soooo bad they refuse to see he has been very sick, and even if he was really sick, 'doctors are stupid' <--quoting my dad. This is the backstory. My dad was always on the road for his job. My mom had my baby brother AGAINST all wishes of her doctor to ever get pregnant again. I'm not talking aborting, she got PREGNANT on purpose again to SERVE GOD'S GREATER PURPOSE even though it might kill her and said future fetus. So he was born with a lot of issues because of the very bad pregnancy's complications on TOP of the very hereditary bipolar/schizophrenia, AND everything else we got going on besides. After he was born, my mom went into a very deep depression for years and then would vacillate between that and mania. Which meant me: THE ELEVEN year old was forced to raise a baby that wasn't hers and had no ultimate authority over. I was called by everyone his *BROTHER'S NAME* SECOND MOM. *More on this later Our relationship is very strained because of this, particularly when at 17 I had enough momming a child while being constantly undermined by my parents absolute shenanigans. So there was resentment when I quit being his 'second mom' and that he equally resented for things like, trying to put him into bed, when my mom would come in and say let him stay up all night or getting him to eat something other than candy for breakfast (you can guess the dynamic with my parents here). Even if my disabled ass could sue my parents for his

care, he doesn't WANT me to be in charge of his care.

And yet still, I tried to advocate for him for years fighting my parents TOOTH and NAIL to get him on disability and out from underneath their thumb so he could have a measure of independence and autonomy. They had every excuse in the book not to get him diagnosed including expense. It was so goddamned awful fighting with them on this cause in their mind: he was going to live with either them or me forever (they decided this for me and my ex-husband and kids with no consultation), so WHY bother set up his future for him??? So when he was 20?, I hatched a Machiavellian PLAN: I got him, against my parent's wishes, into college for the sole reason of getting the resources for him to get diagnosed so that he could get on disability. AND IT WORKED! (kinda) Except my parents twisted him so much into only talking about his autism spectrum symptoms and NONE of the psychosis because their ableism is sooooo entrenched. (but I did manage to get him on ODSP). And subsequent times I forced my dad to take him to a psychiatrist, he's like: 'oh, I forgot to talk about the psychosis we just talked about the aspergers. Besides people with psychosis are untreatable, you can't convince them otherwise' (see again, my mom). Over the years, I have begged my dad to take my brother to get properly diagnosed and treated (I'm not meaning forced, my brother is also agoraphobic, and won't leave his place UNLESS he is driven by my dad and was living in a city far away from me). I said, I was very concerned for his kids but my dad always gaslights me (and tells everyone I'm crazy -- the IRONY). So now my mom is writing me emails about how this is all my sil's fault because 'she is on drugs' (she is not), 'she is sleeping around' (she is not), 'her kids are scared of her not my brother' (it's the exact opposite). WHICH IS A HUGE TRIGGER FOR ME because She did the exact same thing to ME with my other brother (a diagnosed PSYCHOPATH) who used to beat me and the rest of us mercilessly when my parents weren't around (and they never believed me, and told everyone not to believe me because I was crazy), who pulled a KNIFE on me and threw a drawer at me when I was NINE MONTHS PREGNANT, and how absolutely awful I was AS HIS SISTER to kick him out of my house with no place to live or go (cause he was living with me and my ex-husband at the time because THEY KICKED HIM OUT OF THEIR PLACE and didn't want him back.) Are you beginning to get a sense of the dynamic of my family? Soooooooo the last few weeks my brain has just been in total trauma mode going processing, processing, processing, processing as the final total realization of how absolutely awful my family is finally laid bare (I mean I knew but at least I can stop feeling guilty about cutting them out of my life). So back to the 'second mom' shit, as relevant to my trauma brain processing the last few weeks. This whole shit above is just the tip of the iceberg. I was raised as a Joho in which a lot of my trauma comes from a pedophile left loose on three generations of girls in my family over a thirty year period, and if anyone came forward they were threatened with disfellowshipment and there is SO MUCH there it would take me several Tolkien novels to get how absolutely awful, extensive it was, and how the coverup went straight to the top. ANYHOO. So who was calling me my brother's 'second mom???' Well since, I wasn't allowed to have any association with non-witnesses, it was my congregation. No one questioned that I was being parentified and it was a deeply abusive situation. NO WHAT HAPPENED instead was, this sister in the congregation told everyone (when I was fifteen and 80 pounds soaking wet at the height of 5'10 1/2) that my brother WAS REALLY MY CHILD cause it was so obvious the way that I was the one who took care of him. And the elders of our congregation MARKED me as bad association for loose morals for having a supposed child out of wedlock when I was ELEVEN YEARS OLD. AND NO ONE in my congregation would talk to me, and I had NO IDEA why, cause they never told me that I HAD BEEN

MARKED. But the caveat was I was not allowed to talk to people outside of the faith. And we only found out about this a year an a half later when she said the same shit back in my hometown where he was born to a sister who was at the hospital where my brother was born. AND NO ONE thought, hey: maybe if we think she had a baby when she was eleven we should um CALL CHILD SERVICES or some shit? So i was like 16 1/2, not allowed to have any friends OUTSIDE OF MY PARENTS, find out THIS SHIT, and then people wonder why I had my first manic episode at 17??? Yeah, so this is where my brain has been stuck the last month, complicated that I knew I would be at risk for hypomania with things opening back up, and I'm supposed to be shooting a pilot for a potential series I'm the creator/co-shorunner of, so now I've had to go BACK on seroquel and it's the worst while i try to acclimatize myself to the drugs and stave off hypomania at the same time. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

[hiveruled-moved]

INFORMATION / HEADCANONS FOR KAI’S FAMILY     

KAI’S PARENTS:

Scott Anderson - Born in 1960. Was a fairly quiet and well-behaved student for the most part, though didn't get exceptionally high grades. He also was a part of the school's football team. After dating and ultimately getting Julie pregnant only a month after their relationship began he set on the path to becoming a lawyer after high school so he could support their family. For a good chunk of Vincent's early years, Scott was absent and going to law school. A part of him always loathed that he never had a chance to live his life without the burden of being a father and meeting other women. The only times he felt free from it all is when he started riding his motorcycle. During these years of schooling was when his demeanor towards Julie shifted into an abusive one. Upon the news of Julie being pregnant a second time, he had partially convinced himself that Kai wasn't his son but rather a male friend of hers.

Julie ( Anderson ) Parker- Born in 1961. She was a rambunctious child, even as she grew up she was known for wanting being the center of attention. In school she was not necessarily the popular girl, but a lot of the other girls were jealous of her confidence and her need to dress the best.  At the age of 16 she met Scott Anderson at a summer party before her junior year of high school. Julie got pregnant a month after they began dating with Vincent. This period of time was particularly difficult as Scott wasn't around often, even after Vincent's birth. She suffered from extreme post-partum depression, having her father and mother take up a lot of the baby duties. She would get into a ton of arguments with Scott, wishing that she would’ve never met him. Once pregnant with Kai and after his birth, however, it was a much different experience and Julie bonded with her second son much easier. This would lead to her being unhealthily overprotective of him.

SCOTT’S PARENTS:

Kenneth Anderson - A very stern and traditional values man who fought in World War II. He was never abusive to his sons, but was most definitely strict when it came to them putting in work and being successful. As for his relationship with his wife, it was certainly strained as he would usually display sexist behavior. He also suffered from schizophrenia and PTSD.  He died from heart condition issues a few years before Kai's birth, but since Scott looked up to him a lot, Kai has heard plenty of stories about him.

Wanda ( Anderson ) Burke  - An orderly and patient woman. She was a World War II nurse and coincidentally met Kenneth during this time. The two didn't officially get together until they were sent back home. The first child they had was Walter, followed years later by Scott. She would spend most of her time as a typical housewife and mother of the times until Kenneth's mental and physical health declined. Then, she started working at their local hospital as a nurse again. She passed away in her sleep when Kai was around the age of 8. This was the very first funeral he ever attended.

SCOTT’S SIBLING:

Walter Anderson  - Older brother; A hardworking man that has a strained relationship with Scott, mainly due to age difference. Though he dropped out of school much to the disappointment of their father, he eventually managed to build a successful small auto-repair business. Kai isn't very familiar with him because of Scott's childish rivalry with him.

JULIE’S PARENTS:

Rudolf Parker - A kind and creative man that made a living doing glasswork / glassblowing. He met his wife at church. He'd often spend time with the kids, encouraging their creativity with things ranging from watercolor painting  to writing. When Julie announced that she was pregnant at such a young age, he wasn't all too happy with Scott. He helped take care of Vincent when Julie was struggling with the stress of it all. Julie would eventually give Vincent the middle name of 'Rudy' as a thanks to her father. Kai's relationship with him is one of the better ones he has with relatives outside immediate family, but he doesn't get to visit him often. 

Karen ( Parker ) McNeil  - A respected woman, albeit blunt and full of herself. She was a preacher's daughter, very much a stereotypical Southern belle type. She would always try to make sure her daughters looked their best and that her son was always on his best behavior. Anything less than perfection and everyone would be hearing about it for weeks or months after the fact. This imposed image of perfection was severely damaging to Julie especially, who began to rebel against it in her teenage years. Karen was furious when she found out that Julie had gotten pregnant before finishing high school, but chipped in and helped when she could with Vincent's care despite this. Kai's relationship with her is iffy only due to her bringing up his high IQ frequently and questions on what he wants to do with his future.

JULIE’S SIBLINGS:

Dorothy Parker - Older sister; An intelligent woman that though sometimes can be vain like her mother, isn't as intense. She did look down on Julie for acting rowdy and loud in her younger years, and even more-so after she became pregnant the first time. However, they eventually patched things up and grew close after Kai was born. She works at a fabric store in a town near Brookfield Heights and has a hobby of sewing clothing, quilts, among other items to sell or give away on her own time. Kai's relationship with her is probably the closest besides the one he has with his non-immediate family due to her interacting with Julie a lot over the course of his childhood. 

Charlie Parker - Older brother; A quiet and reserved man who takes after his father more than anything. He went on to become a high school art class teacher. Since he lives across the States, Kai has only met him a handful of times, but when he has it hasn't been unpleasant.

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 4X9 I Know What You Did Last Summer

huh well...let’s see where this goes

ANNA?

also apparently 4x04 is when Dean calls Castiel Cas the first time :)

look I know Anna does some Dubious Stuff but she IS very pretty, actress v pretty

look “so...smoke em if you got em” was...ouch. well delivered

boy this has to suck, also gives me cassandra vibes

ooo the *hundreds of seals but Lillith has to only break a random 66* is INTERESTING! and an interesting way to establish it too

ooo she’s got the angelic true sight!

also , why was she scared? why was she loopy? I Must Know oh this is INTERESTING

heh the double con was neat up until he saw Ruby

aw I miss how Ruby one and Dean interacted 

“let’s trade stories” GOTTEM

Sam but the booze down oh boy

S4 Sam is just Giant Ball of Angst

ooo red/black eyes instead of just black

y’all fuckers need to Stop making deals I SWEAR

“I’ve made peace with my lord” IS ALSO really nicely delivered

journalism => schizophrenia, yeah ok that makes sense somehow?

see they clearly know the bible, at least a little

and the miltons are...Dead

but how does she have parents I want EXPLANATION

ask not for who the church bell tolls

I’m sorry I always wanted to say that

is this the “the Dean” thing?

THE DEAN!

“the angels talk about you” I’m so sorry but Cas gabbing about his crush is great

she can hear angels oh ouch

ANGEL RADIO

aw she’s glad to be believed

ah I get where the Romance Undertones are coming from

heh same day he got out of hell

poor Anna, ouch

OH GOOD THE ANGEL ICONS ARE CRYING BLOOD WELL THAT’S FUN

“hello, again??”:”

Alastair?

YEET OUT THE WINDOW JUST  Y E E T

eyy alcohol as disinfectant 

dislocated shoulder oop

Dean’s FINALLY trying to come around

What the FUCk did Sam do why are you fuckers so bad at grieving

boy Ruby and Sam are....a Time

it’s nice to see Sam at least a Little affected, he wasn’t that bad at the beginning

ah so she possesses someone who would have died 

Boy Sam looks real old when he gets Sad

how do I miss the Simplicity of season 3 wow

hey she at least makes sure that Sam’s sober

hey quick q: what the FUCK happened to just...normally exorcising people

ah yeah this is 100% where that was going

I...don’t get why this would be beneficial to Ruby or of it’s on purpose or

like she’s manipulating him, right? that’s the twist

eh whatever I guess they needed a sex scene for Main Character Boi

and hey! they got married! it appeared to work!

“Sam....too much information” YOU MEAN TO TELL ME HE TOLD DEAN AHAHAHAHAHAHA

self...sacrificial...bastards can you PLEASE Stop dying for each other

and hold a knife to Ruby’s throat yeah that’s a healthy relationship

boy Sam’s got some heavy eye backs

I do appreciate Ruby being the Muscle in this scenario

ah and he does it to save Ruby

See, I could see a fun/toxic y romance out of this, if they kept that angle

like it’s icky but I feel like that’s on purpose, yk?

ok but Ruby possessing the housekeeping lady was pretty neat

“ruby’s not like other demons” PFFTTT

I do miss the *When they got along* bits

“don’t strain yourself” “ok moment over” AHAHA

god no this 100% sucks for her

THE ELECTRICITY

the squad gearing up is Fun tho

“thanks a lot” *smile*

Boy do i love it when Cas gets to be scary

wING FLAP AND C A S 

HE looks so...betrayeD? sad? at Dean

ohohoho

I do love the Sam(Tall) Dean(mid ish) Ruby(very smol) shot

and the Instant Demonification

Uriel ur a punk ass bitch

“she has to die” why do y’all fuckers have to keep doing this

wrap:

1. OH cas was sad cuz he didn’t wanna kill Anna. Like he didn’t agree with killing her OH that makes way more sense

Like he’s pleading over at Dean to figure something out, or do his Righteous Man thing

boy mans stole the show and he was on for like 2 minutes in this episode

2. Poor Anna. Like I’m well aware she does fucked up things? I think? based on how fanfic portrays her, but Normal Girl who’s getting harassed by both Angels and Demons alike has to suck so hard, and she handles it...pretty well all things considered?

3. Ruby and Sam is like. Ok I know something happens at the end of the season but now they’re like. the fun toxic type of romances you get on these shows, you know? like...it’s kinda fun?

something happens, I KNOW something happens

4. Sam doesn’t handle grief well. Apparently neither of them do

5. Anna having Subtle Angel Powers was absolutely fire and I loved it

aight that’s all I got

[luffysfakebeard]

i headcanon isak's mother having OCD from what we've heard/seen of her and when she's finally diagnosed it takes isak a few days to process what that means and he does a ton of research and talks to her about it and to even to learn and figure it out and as he's searching he stumbles along other anxiety disorders and finds a lot of symptoms he has and it scares the crap out of him because his boyfriend having a MI? okay. his mom? okay. but him was a different story. could you write about that?

Having a Name for it can be Scary; 2150ish words[AO3]

Isak hadbeen barely thirteen the first time he heard the word ‘schizophrenic’. It had been a scary word; even just the sound it made in his mouth washarsh.  He realised quickly that it was also a taboo word.  Hisparents refused to talk about it and Isak was too young to care enough to pushfurther than that.

After hemoved out he didn’t really think of it again; too busy rebuilding his life todo much else.

The thingis: since getting with Even, Isak had slowly been rebuilding his relationshipwith his mother.  And part of that hadbeen educating himself about the way her brain worked.  He had been reading all about schizophreniaand his heart had twisted painfully in his chest at the familiarity of it all.

As isoften the way with the internet, one thing led to another almostseamlessly.  One web page had listedbipolar disorder as a similar condition to schizophrenia, which had resulted ina little detour in Isak’s research.  Honestlythough, he tried not to read up on bipolar because he knew it made Evenuncomfortable so he wasn’t on that page for long.

It was only when he was about to exit out ofthat website entirely that he noticed a list on the side of the page of relateddisorders.  The words ‘anxiety and panicdisorders’ caught his eye and he remembered reading about how anxiety could bea trigger for episodes.

And so heclicked.

At firsthe had been reading with his mother in mind, thinking about how his fatheralways used to warn him not to stress her out, but then he came acrosssomething called ‘generalised anxiety disorder’.  The more he read about it the more he feltlike the bottom of his stomach had fallen out; like suddenly being plummetedfrom the top of a rollercoaster.

Excessive worrying, restlessness andfeeling on edge, muscle tension, headaches, difficulty concentrating,difficulty sleeping and staying asleep, being easily startled.

Allcommon things in the day to day life of Isak Valtersen.

When hegot to the part about the causes of GAD and saw the words ‘abnormal functioningin particular brain regions’ he slammed his laptop shut and dumped itunceremoniously onto the floor by their bed.

Forpossibly the first time ever, Isak was glad that Even was at work and he hadthe flat to himself.

He wasn’tproud of his brain’s initial reaction. Wasn’t proud of the jolt of shock that ran through him and the immediateattempt to dismiss what he had just read. He had come a long way from the boy who said he would prefer his lifewithout mentally ill people, but he knew he still had a long way to go.

He wasgetting close with his mother again and he and Even seemed to be doing wellenough managing his bipolar as a team, but he couldn’t shake the feeling thatmental illness was something that happened to other people.

He wasn’tcrazy.

He hatedthat word; he hated the connotations it had and how derogatory it was.  But it was all he could think.

I’m not crazy.

He didn’thear voices or see things that weren’t there. He didn’t lose touch with reality and throw things in a rage whensomeone tried to talk to him.  He stilldidn’t really understand what Even meant by the brain feeling alone and hecouldn’t imagine himself ever thinking he could fly and standing spread eagleat the top of a construction site like a guy had done a few months ago.

He didn’thave a mental illness.

He justdidn’t.

He wasn’tlike his mother.

He hadbeen so afraid when he was younger that he would grow up to be like her; thathe wouldn’t be able to distinguish what was real from what was inside his headand that he’d lash out unexpectedly at the ones he loved.  She had been doing so well lately, butburrowed deep under his skin that fear still lurked.

He wasn’tproud of it.  In fact, it was possiblyhis biggest shame.

No onecould help being mentally ill.  Sure asfuck no one chose to be mentally ill.  It also wasn’t the end of the world; he knewlogically that there were worse things in the world than to have a brain thatworked differently.

But fuckif it didn’t feel like the end of the world right then.

When Evengot home he found Isak wrapped tightly in their duvet even though it was stillalmost twenty degrees despite the late time of evening.  If that hadn’t been enough of a clue thatsomething was up, then the vacant glaze covering Isak’s usually bright eyes wasa giant red flag.

“Baby?”Even ran a comforting hand over the exposed top of Isak’s head and smiled atthe way Isak burrowed deeper into the duvet in response.  “What’s up?” Even tried to coax the answerout of him, lying down next to the Isak-shaped lump in the middle of theirbed.  Isak muttered something, but it wasso muffled by the duvet cocoon that Even couldn’t make it out.

“I can’thear you, Is.” He said gently, trying to lower the duvet from in front ofIsak’s mouth.  Isak squirmed inside theduvet and Even could tell he was uncomfortable.

“I’mnormal.” Isak’s voice was quiet, not quite as muffled, and he sounded souncertain.

“Normal?”Even echoed.  That word always left a badtaste in his mouth.  He definitely didn’tlike it coming out of Isak’s mouth,especially not in that small unsure voice.

“Yes.  I’m normal.  I’m not- I’m not sick.” Isak was emphasising those words and Even felt anuncomfortable prickle across his skin.

“What isthis about, Isak?” He really didn’t like where this was going.

“I wasreading.” Isak mumbled.

“Okay?”

“About…whatmy mum has.  And then I ended up readingabout something else and-” Isak broke off, struggling to find the right words,his eyebrows screwing up with frustration. Even had a feeling he knew what Isak was trying to say though.

“Readsome stuff that sounded familiar?” Even offered and Isak curled up tightly,shrinking into him under the duvet.  Evenhated when Isak made himself small; it just made him want to wrap his boyfriendin their softest blanket and whisper in his ear that it would all be okay.

“Do youwant to talk about it?  What you werereading about?” Even wrapped his arms around the Isak-lump as best he could.

“It’s onmy laptop.” Isak muttered.

“Can Ihave a look?” Even didn’t want to assume. He waited until Isak nodded minutely before leaning over and pickingIsak’s laptop off the floor.

“I’m notgoing to be bombarded by porn, am I?” Even teased, giving the Isak-lump aplayful push.

“Noooo.”Isak rolled his eyes.  Even was glad tosee that he still had a little bit of humour in there, even if he was goingthrough some inner turmoil.  He tappedIsak’s password in and the page immediately popped back up.

“Generalisedanxiety disorder.” Even read the title aloud and then looked down at Isak.

Not apeep from inside the duvet.

“Generalized anxiety disorder (or GAD) is characterized by excessive,exaggerated anxiety and worry about everyday life events with no obvious reasons forworry. People with symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder tend to always expect disaster and can't stop worrying about health, money, family, work, or school.” Even read aloud, the English words feeling funny in his mouth.

He looked away from the webpage and to the boyfriend shaped lumpnext to him, wincing at the miserable whimper Isak let out.

“That does sound like you.” Even agreed.  He slid the laptop back onto the floor andfocused all his attention on Isak.  Heforced the duvet down so he could see his boyfriend’s face.

“Having a name for it can be scary.  I remember when I first heard the word‘bipolar’ and I hated it.  It made it tooreal.  Too clinical for something soemotional.” Even ran a hand down the side of Isak’s face gently.

“I was always the normal one in the family.” Isakwhispered.  He looked terrified of hisadmission.  “And now…” He trailed off.

“Isak, there’s no such thingas normal.” Even shook his head.  “Andyou know what: anxiety is really common in our generation.  If you do have an anxiety problem we can workthrough it.  Just like we work around mybipolar.”

“I know, I know.” Isak swallowed.  He was looking everywhere but at Even.

“Babe, look at me.” Even whispered, cupping the side of Isak’sface in one hand.  “I’m not judging you,okay?  I just want to make sure you’reokay.  Everything else comes later.” Hepromised.

“My mum’s first diagnosis was something small.” Isak’s voice wasbarely there.  Even had to strain to hearit.  “What if this is just the start ofme turning into my mum?”

“And what if you’re just a kid who had a hard upbringing and isused to worrying about more than you should have to?” Even countered.  At that, Isak flickered his gaze to Even’sface.

He looked so heartbreakingly young.

“Is, you were forced into caring for your mum when she wassick.  You were just a kid; you shouldn’thave had to be running the household. It’s natural that you still have those leftover habits of worrying abouteverything.” Even rubbed what he was 90% sure was Isak’s back comfortinglythrough the duvet.

“You’re not alone now though. You don’t have to worry about dealing with everything in this householdon your own; we share that stuff, okay? It’s our home, so it’s our responsibility.  Not just yours.” Even said firmly.  Isak nodded. It was just a tiny motion, but it gave Even hope that he was gettingthrough to him.

“You’ve always been anxious, baby, and that’s normal.  Whether or not you have an anxiety disorder isn’t for me to say.  If you feel like things are getting too muchfor you, you can always lean on me for a while.” Even whispered.  Isak was looking at him now, finally, and Even was completelyentranced by those beautiful hazel eyes.

“You promise?” Isak’s voice was barely more than a breathbetween them, but in their little world it was loud as thunder.

“I promise.” Even nodded. They were pressed so close together in bed that Even swore he could feel the tension melt out of Isak’sbody.

“Was I overreacting?” Isak mumbled, burying his duvet-wrappedbody tighter into Even’s embrace.

“No.” Even replied instantly. “Mental health can be scary. Especially when you read about it all online.  Maybe we shouldn’t Google things like thatanymore?” He suggested as Isak buried his face in the crook of his neck.

“I think that’s a good idea.” Isak nodded meekly and Evenpressed a fond kiss to the top of his boyfriend’s head.

“You’ll always be the most incredible boy I’ve ever met,Isak.  Mental illness wouldn’t changethat.  It doesn’t change who you are.” Even wished someone could havetold him that when he had first beendiagnosed, but he was glad to be able to give that to Isak.

“I know.” Isak replied softly. He wiggled inside his duvet cocoon for a second and then suddenly Evenwas being enveloped in the warmth.

“Just another gay teen with anxiety.” Isak tried to joke, butEven could still see the nervousness in his eyes.

“There’s no rush to label it, baby.” Even squeezed Isak’s handgently.  Isak reciprocated by clingingonto Even like it was the only thing tying him to this earth.

“No rush.” Isak repeated, more to himself.  “I don’t think I’m ready for that sort oflabel, Ev.” He swallowed.  It had takenlong enough for him to cope with being gay; adding something else on top ofthat was going to take some time.

A lot of time, if he was honest.

“Then we won’t think about it.” Even said simply.  “We’ll take this totally chill.  Just minute by minute.” He continued,mirroring Isak’s words from so long ago.

“What will we do this minute?” Isak breathed, staring at Evenwith more trust than Even felt he deserved.

“This minute,” Even said slowly as he wrapped his arms aroundIsak and rested their foreheads together. “we’ll just be calm.  We’ll justbreathe.  Just us, here in our bed, inour flat.” Even rubbed his hand slowly up and down Isak’s back.

And that’s exactly what they did.

For just a little while, the world shrunk down to just the twoof them hidden under their duvet in bed. No labels, no long complicated scientific terms, no terrifying memories.

Nothing but Even and Isak, minute by minute.

[autisticadventurer]

My History

CW: emotional, sexual, and financial abuse, suicide, drugs and alcohol, conversion therapy, divorce, homelessness, seriously... you name it.

For the very young among my readers, and for those who simply weren’t aware of what was happening in the queer community in the 90′s, let me tell you a little more about my family. 

My dad is from a city. His family later moved to a more rural environment, but he also grew up with a cosmopolitan experience. His mom’s parents were filthy rich and disinherited her for eloping with my grandpa but my dad still got to do rich people things when he was a kid. He has funny memories of his grandma nearly killing them because she was too drunk to drive but he also remembers doing farm labor as a teenager. He was a math whiz and played varsity football his sophomore year but had to quit after a car accident when the doctors discovered that one of his kidneys is totally non functional and the other is under developed. When he joined the Air Force, he was training to be a helicopter flight mechanic but there is something wrong with his depth perception so he was recycled and ended up with the far less glamorous but still noble position of cooking. Cooking runs in our blood.

My mom is from a very small town, 1000 people or so. The only diversity she ever really knew was Lutheran or Catholic and because of her heritage on her biological dad’s side, she may have been the only Jewish person in town. She was raised Catholic, though, by her mom and step dad. Her stories of childhood have a much different tone than my dad’s do. She was constantly angry at her mom for being too stupid. She earned average grades in all subjects and helped in the family store from the time she started high school. She played basketball for a few years in school, but most of her time was spent getting drunk probably because she had no framework to understand her attraction to other women. When she joined the Air Force, she did so as a diet tech. 

My parents met in a kitchen on an Air Force base thousands of miles from their home states. My dad told me that it was love at first sight. My mom has never talked about it. Their marriage was unhappy. They produced two children and then divorced a few years later. My dad was depressed for years and my mom openly shamed his depression to us kids. I have heard so many versions of why he left the Air Force but he was the primary parent when I was a kid. After the divorce, he struggled to find suitable work. 

My mom convinced us kids not to visit my dad more than once and even forbade us from visiting him on other occasions. I remember being coerced into signing a contract that we would not visit him at all when I was eleven. I figured out that my mom was gay when I was seven. Luckily, I had not been exposed to other culture stories about homosexuality before this so for me it was just data. We had to keep it a secret from the Air Force. In the 90′s being queer could cost you your job, especially in the military. This secrecy was used to convince us to keep our mouths shut about all the abuse that was happening in the home. “If you tell anyone about this, I’ll be investigated and lose my job.” 

Ironically, my mom preached tolerance while perpetrating all kinds of conversion therapy on me that would have left me traumatized for life if I had not taken matters into my own hands as an adult. It was on a nearly daily basis that she openly declared my sibling the favorite and called me Number Two. I think that may have something to do with why I make so many poop jokes. I tried to earn her love and respect by doing well in school but my straight A’s did nothing but only further enrage her. When my IQ was tested at the age of 8, she denied the score because scores in that range almost always point to autism and she was working her ass off to deny that part of me. She even hid my fidget, my teddy bear, from me as a prank on more than one occasion. Imagine what it is like to have a mother who makes fun of you as a rule and will only show you love if you act right, and you never act right because you’re not right. 

You can imagine that I lived with my dad as often as I could. My dad is strange though. He would only want both of us to live with him. He was also very poor but I didn’t care because being able to breathe freely was a luxury that I didn’t have when living with mom. (I actually had to see a specialist at one point because my stress was preventing me from being able to breathe. The muscles in my neck were locking up but this only lead to being teased about putting less strain on my vocal chords. She didn’t love me at all.) Living with my dad wasn’t perfect. I was unable to continue the swim team into high school because my dad was fearful of me riding in a car to get to practice (unresolved trauma from his past) and his work schedule prevented him from taking me. But I was allowed to be in the IB Program and I begged my way into a few summer camps at the university. During my Junior year, my mom and dad got into a stupid fight and my dad lost it. I can’t say I blame him now because as an adult, I understand my mom’s power to provoke and pick at emotional wounds... but at the time, all I could think was, “what the fuck?” and I had that thought for years.

We ended up back with mom who wanted me to drop out of IB and get a job which also derailed my plans to attempt to get into MIT and they had been scouting me since I took my PSAT. Why did I do what my mom wanted me to do? I guess I trusted her, I still saw her only as my mommy and not as the manipulative, abusive person that she is. Staying in the IB Program would’ve led to my finding a suitable job but you have to remember, she hated the idea of having a genius child because that meant having an aspergers/autistic child and she retained her small town mentality for fear and shame of difference. In a weird way, not becoming an engineer has worked out for me and if she hadn’t treated me like so much dog shit for 25 years, we’d probably still have a relationship. My relationship with my dad was later repaired because he apologized for what had happened as a result of the fight. 

During my twenties, I was chronically homeless. Although I did well in school, because I was taught, but nobody ever taught me how to live in this world. I struggled to find work because I am strange, I cannot work full time because of the intensity of my sensory processing disorder, and the paychecks I earned were never enough to even cover rent, let alone food or a phone bill or student loan payments. I tried living with family, which meant my mom, and this only lead to my second suicide attempt at the age of 25. (My first was at age 12, also while living with my mom.) My sibling found me and I woke up in the psych ward a couple days later. It was after this that I lived in a home called a Board and Lodge. About a third of us were autistic but requiring less staff than a traditional group home. There were also people with physical injuries, drug addiction, prison re-entries, and one guy with schizophrenia. It was not a safe place to live because there was a great deal of abuse amongst the residents and staff due to what I think was a social power struggle. It was so bad that some of the staff wouldn’t even perform their jobs appropriately and I reported it when I moved out. 

I’m leaving a lot out: my years in college, my marriage and divorce, my time in a cult, being taken advantage of financially, the sexual assault, and other things. Being unable to recognize danger does not magically help an autistic person recognize danger. I have a lot to thank my therapist for because she has mentored me to help me recognize danger and to help me see the world as it is. She has helped me to build life skills and self care skills so that I can live independently and not be at the mercy of people who don’t understand autism and think they’re doing me a favor by trying to abuse me into being normal. I am hoping against hope that I can find a part time job in this state that will be understanding of my autism and accommodate me in the way the law requires them to. I have a lot to give but I cannot give what I do not have. 

Everyone you know has a hidden past that has been molded and shaped by the hidden past of their parents and grandparents. Try to put a hold on judgements and assumptions, if you can. It will help to foster tolerance and acceptance without having know things that are none of your business. It is an important lesson to learn that nobody owes you an explanation for who they are and nobody is obligated to share what they consider private.

[gethealthy18-blog]

Bollywood Celebrities Who Had A Troubled Relationship With Their Parents As A Kid

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/getting-healthy/getting-healthy-women/bollywood-celebrities-who-had-a-troubled-relationship-with-their-parents-as-a-kid/

Bollywood Celebrities Who Had A Troubled Relationship With Their Parents As A Kid

Bollywood Celebrities Who Had A Troubled Relationship With Their Parents As A Kid Niharika Nayak Hyderabd040-395603080 December 13, 2019

Troubled relationships; we all have them. While most of us have had at least a few dozen arguments with our parents, it has never been amplified on a big scale. The same can’t be said for some celebrities, however. Read this list to see seven superstars who have had a tumultuous relationship with their parents.

1. Aamir Khan And Tahir Hussain Khan

serap.omur.varol / Instagram

When Aamir Khan’s younger brother Faisal was battling with mental illness, he had a legal tussle with his father Tahir over the custody of Faisal. Faisal had alleged that his brother Aamir had kept him under house arrest and was forcing him to consume medication for paranoid schizophrenia. According to Faisal, he was in perfect mental capacity. However, a few days after the court gave custody to Tahir Khan, he appeared in court and deemed he was unable to look after his mentally ill son and asked the court to provide custody to Aamir. Faisal instead chose to live by himself in a rented flat in Mumbai.

2. Kangana Ranaut And Amardeep Ranaut

Indian Express

Kangana admitted to having a difficult childhood. She claimed she was stubborn and rebellious growing up and that often leads to minor quarrels with her conservative parents. When she decided not to pursue further studies and become a doctor as her parents had wanted, they were livid. She moved to Delhi at the age of 16, to pursue her dreams of modeling and constantly feuded with her father, who believed it was a useless pursuit. The actress stated that she felt like an unwanted child as her parents wanted her to be born a boy. It was only after her movie Life In A… Metro came out that she managed to reconcile with them.

3. Rekha And Gemini Ganesan

rekhajifp / Instagram

Rekha and her sister Radha were born to prominent South Indian film actors, Gemini Ganesan and Pushpavalli. When she was a child, her father never claimed her as his own offspring, and she spoke about how he came to pick up his legitimate children from school and ignored her presence. Due to this, Rekha was raised solely by her mother, who tried her best to support her children. Ultimately, Rekha had to forgo her education and step up as the breadwinner at the age of 16. After her father’s passing in the year 2005, Rekha was asked a lot of questions about her relationship with him, and she stated that she does not grieve his loss. Despite the adverse reaction from her father, Rekha shares a cordial relationship with the rest of her half-siblings.

4. Ranbir Kapoor And Rishi Kapoor

ranbirs_girl / Instagram

Ranbir was said to have a troubled relationship with his father, who he claims would constantly fight with his mother, Neetu Kapoor. He spoke about how his parents fought so bitterly while he was growing up that he would wake up in the middle of the night and start crying. As the actor grew older, his relationship with his father worsened, and they got into fights due to his disciplinarian methods. In later interviews, Rishi admitted to messing up his relationship with his son and said that he can never be a friend to Ranbir.

5. Randeep Hooda And Ranbir Hooda

Times Of India

Highway actor Randeep Hooda has admitted to having a strained relationship with his parents in many interviews. The hunky actor spoke about how he was raised by his maternal grandmother after his parents left the country to seek their fortune in the gulf. In a rare interview, he spoke about how he felt like his parents had betrayed him when they made the decision to move abroad. He also spoke about how he found his grandmother to be bitter and resentful towards his parents for leaving him behind.

6. Prateik Babbar And Raj Babbar

_prat / Instagram

Prateik’s father, Raj, was a married man when he got involved with his mother, Smita Patil. Raj left his then-wife Nadira and go get married to Smita who eventually fell pregnant with their first child. Prateik was born a healthy child, but due to a complicated delivery, his mother Smita died two weeks after his birth. After this, he was left in the care of his maternal grandmother, and his father remained absent for most of his life. It was only after Prateik entered Bollywood that his father and he reconciled their relationship.

7. Arjun Kapoor And Boney Kapoor

Times Of India

Boney Kapoor was married to Mona Shourie Kapoor and had two children with her when he fell in love with the stunning South Indian actress, Sridevi. The actress was pregnant with their first child, and Boney Kapoor left his wife and kids to be by her side. This did not sit well with his kids Anshula and Arjun, and they developed a strained relationship with not just Boney, but Sridevi and their children (his half-sisters) as well. The family maintained a cordial distance, and as Arjun broke into Bollywood, he had to start fencing probing questions from interviewers. It was only after Sridevi’s death in 2018 that tension between Boney Kapoor and all his children started simmering down. Arjun has now spoken about how attached he is to both his real sister as well as his half-sisters, Jahanvi and Khushi.

What did you think of our list? Were you surprised by some of the names on this list? Tell us your thoughts in the comment section below.

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[asecretsummer-rpgpromo]

WANTED! FC can be changed!

Name: Mitchell Ryder Age: 44 Sexuality: Heterosexual Gender: Male Portrayed By: Michael Raymond James (not negotiable) Availability: Open

“Honestly, I didn’t know the girl at all.”

→ Background

When Mitchell Ryder was younger, he was a bit of a write off. Nobody paid him much attention because.. well, why would they? It’s not like he’d amount to anything or ever do anything other than drink, get high, and steal. He wasn’t worth the effort for most people but that worked out pretty well for Mitch. Nobody looked twice at him so he was easily able to steal their wallets from their pockets or items from stores. He felt invincible half the time in his little group of friends (Johnny Miller and Jimmy Sanders), though that was possibly due to drugs and alcohol more than anything else. That and the rush of stealing and not getting caught. Mitch became addicted to that sort of feeling and he did quite a few things to try and get hold of it.

He met Brooke Ford when she was attempting to steal his car. Too bad she didn’t know the car was already stolen and that Mitch had been sleeping in the back seat of the thing for the past week so he could escape his overbearing parents who were always on his case about getting a job and making something of himself. Mitch liked his life the way it was, it was fun… he liked adventure. Soon enough, Brooke fit right into that life. Secretly, of course. They never told anybody they were together (unofficially). They sneaked around, something which was another form of a rush for him. It was exciting, doing something you weren’t supposed to do. Having a secret. It’s not like her parents would have approved, not that Mitch had ever cared about approval. He taught Brooke how to be a thief, showed her the best drugs and alcohol… he really wasn’t the best influence but at the time it all felt good. Mitchell was a big believer in doing what felt good.. and exciting. There should always be excitement.

Things fell apart rather rapidly, however. Brooke had always been very problematic to say the least. A bit crazy (though he never knew then that she had undiagnosed schizophrenia). They got into a fight right before she found out she was pregnant with Imogen and she never called him to tell him, instead cutting herself off from everyone she used to know. He didn’t know Brooke was gone (or that there was suddenly a child in that house) for a year or so because he tended to avoid that neighbourhood altogether. He thought Brooke had died because he heard about the crash and then never saw her again. Mitch knows Imogen exists but considering Brooke probably wasn’t the most faithful ‘girlfriend’ (though neither was he).. he believes the girl is not his daughter. Or maybe, deep down, he does know she’s his… but he stays away anyway. He never thought he was good enough to be a father.

Life works in funny ways, though, because it wasn’t too long after he found out about Imogen that he found out that his other ‘secret girlfriend’, Mandy, was pregnant. She was a dancer at a local lap dancing club and they’d hit it off one night that turned into her going out drinking with him after her shift. Eventually, they began a ‘real’ relationship… This time, Mitch really had no choice. He couldn’t feign ignorance on this one, it wasn’t like Mandy slept around. He had to be there for his daughter Lizzie.

→ Back to Baberton

Mitch has more or less changed his ways. He managed to clean himself up (mostly) after he found out about Lizzie. He even has a real job at the museum, as a tour guide (which he hates with a passion and most days it shows). Mandy left a while ago, deciding this wasn’t the life she wanted. She left Lizzie with Mitchell when the girl was ten. It annoyed Mitch because he didn’t know the first thing about kids, couldn’t do it on his own.. but eventually he got the hang of it. Or he hoped he did. He views himself more like the ‘cool dad’. He’s not strict, doesn’t have many rules, more or less just lets his little princess do anything and everything she wants to do. Even with a killer roaming the streets but he isn’t too concerned about that stuff.. his daughter’s clever, she’s not going to get into any trouble. If there’s one thing he made sure to do, it was teach her street smarts. Mitch doesn’t seem to want to grow up (is that such a bad thing?) but one of these days he’s going to have to. If not for him then for his kids… because it turns out that Brooke is not dead like he thought she was, and Imogen really is his daughter. He isn’t sure how to keep the peace with Lizzie (who doesn’t seem to like Imogen and her friends at all) and not let Imogen down at the same time. The blonde has been through a ton of crap over the last few years and he isn’t sure how to be there for her. He hardly knows her and.. things with Lizzie are strained. Mitch is feeling like an all round terrible father but he knows he needs to step up now that Brooke is gone.

→ What’s His Secret?

He still indulges in things like stealing when he gets the chance. When he wants to feel better about himself or needs a boost. It’s usually when he’s stressed (which is a lot at the moment, thanks very much). He’ll stop by a store on his way home and steal a few things. The bigger the steal, the better he feels. He’s never been able to let go of that rush and often still gets high too. It reminds him of his youth… of, what he believes, to be better times with his best mate Johnny, who he misses but does a good job of pretending he doesn’t. Mitch is often more than a little stuck in past.

He also, though not too often, sometimes gets high. When stealing isn’t enough and he needs to feel better. It’s not like he’s very addicted still, he just misses it sometimes. He has a secret stash hidden away in his dresser.

Was still very much in love with Brooke Ford before her murder. He did his best to quash the feelings. Especially after, a while ago, they slept together (which made him think they were about to become something again) and then he found out she was married to Evan Johnson. He was annoyed that she gave him false hope but is trying to keep his emotions at bay for their daughter. He felt a bit played or used, though Evan was killed too (long before). He didn’t want to get sucked back down the rabbit hole and end up getting spat back out again but now that she is gone he feels very unhappy that he wasted so much time being bitter.

Main | Plot | Most Wanted | Ask

[gortys-and-loaderbot]

For the OC name thing: Gretchen, Marilyn, Jacqueline, Harris, Ian and Victor

Gretchen - makes me think of my OC, Elise. She’s about 42-43ish and was born in Berlin to very eccentric Spaniard parents. She’s got Paranoid Schizophrenia, which strains her relationship with her kids and her husband. She tries, though. She’s a professional pianist.

Marilyn - I’d go with Margie. Margie is in her early 30′s and is an army medic. She’s got 2 kids and a husband, and all 4 of them have red hair. She’s really myopic though, but I love her anyway. 

Jacqueline - *insert Spongebob boi meme here* Jacqueline is the name of one of my major villains. She originally grew up with a druggie mother and an alcoholic father, and she’s really screwed up in the head because of that and a really traumatic event that happened when she was a kid; her babysitter sexually assaulted her, and when Jacqueline’s mother found out, she killed the babysitter right in front of her, then took Jac out for sweets. She considers it one of the best days of her life, but spent the rest of her childhood in foster care after that. She’s actually partially based off William Lewis, and was a human trafficker. 

Harris - reminds me of Mavis. She’s a 16 year old girl with dark hair and dark eyes. She’s pretty happy go lucky for the most part, but rather fidgety and inattentive because of ADHD. 

Ian - Lane. Probably because I used to think Ian was pronounced “Lan” as a kid, and they’re similar in spelling. Lane’s an 11 year old girl, full name Elaina, and is really tomboyish. She doesn’t talk a lot, but she’s a very major supporting character in the novel she’s in. 

Victor - I’d have to go with Brick, whose full name is actually Brandon. He’s a 6′5, 200 pound Green Beret. He has dark hair, light eyes, and a brother (also a Green Beret) who is 13 years younger than him and a foot shorter. 

By the way: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING! :D