#she does like idk who can keep track 5 years more??

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

[holmsister]

Why I think Kabru was the first child Milsiril took in:

1) it coincided with the Utaya catastrophe and her leaving the Canaries. If she was already in the habit of taking kids in, Idk if she would have been able to still be in the Canaries.

2) it also makes more sense to me in terms of character motivation if leaving the Canaries and taking Kabru in is all one decision. Like. Young Milsiril doesn't seen particularly motherly. Think of how she treats Mithrun - she gives him motivation to live, yes, but she does so by inciting him towards revenge. (This happens BEFORE she takes Kabru in btw im pretty sure its explicitly stated somewhere. I say this because i saw some confusion on the matter). An older, less angry, more disillusioned Milsiril saw what the elves did in Utaya and decided to both stop being an accomplice and try to repair things how she could by helping a victim.

3) ...which also explains why she was so unprepared. Like there's no way around it - it's clear that she is incredibly unprepared to deal with a tallman child, let alone one who is as incredibly traumatised as Kabru was. She also seems to not have a clear idea about tallman growth and maturity rates etc. (She tries to spoonfeed an elementary age kid and thinks Kabru is going thru puberty at 22!) If she had previous experience with short-lived races she would have a clearer idea of such things, if nothing else, thru mere experience. Her lack of knowledge makes a lot more sense if taking Kabru in was an impulsive decision maturated in the context of Utaya, and only after she spent some years with him she was like. Oh actually I like taking care of children. I might want to keep doing it.

4) I know there's the Rin comic in which the other elves seem to imply Milsiril is the go-to for dealing with short-lived races children and also she says she doesn't have space to take anyone else in, but it's possible she started taking in more kids in after she felt like she got her footing with kabru (iirc kabru had already been living with her for a couple years at that point) or, what I'm tending towards, she meant that she couldn't take anyone else *besides Kabru*. Considering the other elves treat Rin as some sort of little wild animal l don't think it would take much for them to consider someone an expert in handling children.

5) there's never any mention of other kids besides Rin in Kabru's memory. It seems weird to me if he spent so much time in the house with those other kids he does not talk/remember them, especially considering how curious and sociable baby kabru was. It might be a facet of elven childcare we don't know, but we see elven families being reasonable sociable in canon at times, i don't see why Kabru wouldnt be allowed to befriend the other kids if they were there.

6) milsiril seemingly dedicates a lot of time to him and only him. This can be explained simply by noting that this is Kabru's memory tho. But still. She keeps track of him in adulthood, has him fully adopted into his family, dedicates personal time to his education and training, and even teaches him some coping mechanisms for his panic and anxiety attacks, like the whole "recite capitals of the world" thing.

I think that Kabru was the first kid she took in, he lived alone with her for a very long time, and only after he was with one foot out of the door (14-16) she started taking in other children, which would be at that point too young to be interesting as friends to a teenager Kabru looking forward to either becoming a Canary or moving out.

[evensquirrellier]

So track and field events for the Olympics start today and I thought that, in honor of that, I would make an appreciation post for all my favorite Team USA track athletes. Look, I know the Olympics have a lot of problems and I’m not typically the most patriotic person, but track is my everything and I really look up to a lot of these people, and I want to give them little shoutouts to show my excitement.

Here are some of my personal favorite USA track stars!!

1. Sydney McLaughlin-Levrone!!!

She is one of my biggest idols. For one, she is literally the world record holder in my event (400m hurdles), and two, she is a female athlete who is great and isn’t afraid to say it, which we don’t get enough of. Whenever I’m practicing hurdles I like to imagine Sydney having once done the exact same drills and it makes me kind of dizzy. One of my teammates went to the same high school as her (not at the same time) and has gotten to meet her before and I’m actually so jealous. Plus she is gorgeous and it breaks my heart a little bit that she is heterosexual 😔

2. Gabby Thomas

She is so cool. Like so cool. The 200m used to be my favorite non-hurdle race and she absolutely crushes it! You can see when she races how determined she is to win and how she will just go after the people in front of her and ahhh it’s so inspiring. Plus she went to Harvard and had a master’s degree? Truly winning at everything. Fun fact: my godmother was college roommates with Gabby Thomas’ mother, which gives us no real connection but makes me feel cool! Also she is also Gorgeous! I will probably keep saying that about a lot of these people and that is because one, I am a lesbian, and two, track is my favorite thing in the world.

3. Alexis Holmes

Idk I can’t really explain why I love Alexis so much, I really just do. The 400m is one of my favorite events, and particularly in indoor she does really incredible in that event. Very few women can run under 50 seconds in the 400 and she does it consistently. I’ve been following her career for a while and always route for her when she runs, and she’s overall just a really incredible athlete.

4. Sha’Carri Richardson

She is so cool!!! She’s getting a lot of attention right now for being in contention to win gold in the 100m, and she’s just really awesome. It is very cool to watch her run because she is such a powerhouse and always looks so happy when she wins. I looooove her nails, like a modern Flo-Jo, and I feel like she is very unapologetically herself interviews in a way a lot of other athletes aren’t. She’s awesome and I hope she wins <3

5. Nikki Hiltz

Thinking too hard about them makes me start tearing up I love Nikki Hiltz!!! Currently the fastest women’s 1500m runner in the US and such a treat to watch run. They have an incredible kick and is another one that gets so excited when they win. They are also one of the few professional track athletes to be openly non-binary and a lesbian, which makes my non-binary lesbian track athlete self feel really really happy, and has organized runs to support the Trevor Project before. Overall a really cool person.

6. Anna Cockrell

Anna! Another 400m hurdler, and one of the best in the world. It is really incredible to see how much she has improved over the years after already starting out so strong, and how she can still hold her own against the best in the world. She’s also done a lot of advocating for mental health awareness in athletics, and is super cool.

7. Grant Holloway

This is the guy my coach has me watch to study good hurdling technique. In terms of technical ability, he is one of the best hurdlers ever, and is currently one of the best 110m hurdlers in the world. He’s kinda tall for a hurdler and so am I, which I know is a kind of weird connection to make but it always makes me route for him a little more.

8. Noah Lyles

I know he’s kinda the talk of everyone right now, but Noah Lyles is pretty cool! He is currently arguably the fastest man in the world, and has a dedication to the sport that I find really admirable. It’s always cool to watch videos of him training because he does so many of the same drills I do, which makes me think I must be on the right track.

9. Anna Hall

Ahhh how could I almost forget Anna? She is an insanely good heptathlete and is world-class level in so many different events. Her best event is hurdles and her “weakest” (still incredible) is javelin, which is also the case for me in the hep, so I like to think that makes me just like her. She’s another one that just seems very enthusiastic a lot of time and it’s really nice to see her happy.

[gayseriea]

bestie as someone who dabbles in men's football now and then (i pay a lot more attention to the women) can you explain the footballer with two families thing?? or direct me where to look?

also harry kaine what's up with him? he has a curse?

(im from aus which isn't a huge football/soccer country)

I'm sooo happy you asked this. This is Kyle Walker

If you're thinking "Wow he looks like a huge cunt" it's because he is. Among other things, he was caught breaking lockdown rules to host sex parties with sex workers, and was investigated for indecent exposure (showing his dick at random women while drunk at a bar, as one does). Now, the two families:

as is the case for many footballers, he's been in a long term relationship with his teenage sweetheart for years etc. this is very cute. as is the case for many footballers, he was sleeping around on her the whole time.

(as is the case for many footballers, she still married him. more on that later. get that bag girl)

at some point in 2019, KW got kicked out by his partner for cheating on her with an influencer. they had 3 kids at that point. while they were "working on the relationship" he was also hooking up with a different influencer (from now on: the mistress) who got pregnant

kid #4 (with the mistress) was born in 2020. KW tried very hard to pass off the affair as a one-off and reportedly got back with his partner, in between throwing the aforementioned COVID sex parties and whatever.

KW and his partner got married early in 2022. later that year he picked up a groin injury, and while travelling in London to get treatment for his injured groin, he accidentally fell into bed with the mistress and got her pregnant again (this was his version, at least). he again says that this was a one-off.

I can't believe he only fucked this woman twice and got her pregnant both times, the second time barely months after his wedding. that's some A+ sperm Kyle

kid #5 (with the mistress) was born in August 2023. however, this time around he didn't openly acknowledge paternity, so the mistress started hinting on social media that her two kids had the same father

this led to a feud between mistress and wife, wherein the mistress obviously doesn't mind tabloid attention BUT also, like. she's using the tabloid press to remind the father of her children that he does in fact have other children. and the wife calls her an attention seeker who's destroying her family. IDK how to explain to these women that they should join forces and cut off KW's balls.

KID #6 was born in spring 2024. I have fuzzy recollections that the wife didn't know about the second love child on the way when she got pregnant for the fourth time, but also frankly I can't keep track.

She kicked him out again. He gave a super cringe worthy interview to The Sun where he called his wife his soulmate and basically called his kids with the mistress "mistakes" for which I truly believe someone should cut off his balls. these kids will be old enough to google themselves one day.

anyway. she took him back. he now has six children total, and I don't think he sees the ones with the mistress much, if at all. mistress & wife keep feuding on social media

in the middle of all this, it was reported that he had another mistress stashed somewhere. this was reported multiple times by various sources and it's probably true. idk where the fuck he finds the time

if you're curious, because I was: you only need 7 people to field a football team (I mean, you need 11 but you can get up to 4 red cards before the match is voided). this means that KW and his six children are, in fact, just barely enough to set up a football team

here are some quotes from my football group chat insulting this man every time he comes up in conversation, across a span of months. there were so many more but I had to choose

Harry Kane: (I love "Harry Kaine" thank u). He's the captain of the England football team. Genuinely talented striker who's picked up a few individual accolades. However, the only trophies that really matter in football are team trophies, and Harry has been for years in a team that didn't win any major domestic trophies — not unusual by itself, BUT in the last year he was unlucky enough to make the move to Bayern Munich the only season they didn't actually win anything. Hence the curse jokes! as of Sunday, he's been runner up in SIX different finals without winning.

He also has a brood of children (four) but compared to KW he's so fucking boring in his personal life, which makes him incredibly less punchable.

[hollyhomburg]

(mafia hoseok, slice of life, fluff, stockholm syndrome, meta stuff, this is a little self-indulgent and very self-referential, a tiny bit smutty at moments but i wouldn't call this nsfw, blood, violence, guns)

i wanna write a story with mafia boss hoseok who adopts his sisters children after they die cuz of mafia reasons along with his fiance. hoseok of course, decimates the rival group who took them away from him, but after the fire and revenge has settled, there is just hoseok, just hoseok and two kids who need him.

it's not that bad, the little boy one is mainly taken care of by his men. hoseok does his best to keep them safe and separated from his criminal empire. gives them everything they could want, trusts only his inner circle of 6 to look after them.

the older one- a plucky 13 year old girl is a little bit more of a handful mostly because she asks too many questions about things hoseok cannot answer without being culpable "why do you have blood on your shoes? what kind of handgun do you carry and can i see it? why do you always talk really softly at home but yell loudly when you're in the basement?"

hoseok- knowing that the basement is a literal torture chamber, sweating, "don't you just want money for shopping or something?"

"no, i wanna become your partner, the way that mom was"

"you are literally 13"

"didn't you start when you where my age?"

"can't i just? get you a new handbag or something?" idk i just love the idea of hoseok- whose tired of his job and pissed off by it on a good day vs. a 13 year old who just wants to be a crime princess so bad.

They but heads near constantly, when she's caught sneaking out from her all girls school to smoke cigarettes, when she buys a moped with the card hoseok got her, when she tries to leave the country to go to fashion week like her mom used too (of course hoseok goes with her- but still- she's not very good at asking for permission vs forgiveness)

Obviously he's like- barely adjusting to being a parent, and grieving the loss of fiance and sister too. he's lonely and struggling with the things in his life that aren't the crime bits, he's not against admitting that, but allowing anyone, woman or man, into his life barely 5 years after they've passed feels like a betrayal.

it goes like that, slice of life, mafia man hoseok and dad hoseok chased togeather. he tries his best to show up for dance recitals (the young beta boy really really likes balet and god forbid hoseok stop anything, even convention, from getting in the way of his pups dreams,) regularly scolds the alpha girl for trying to bring her boyfriends around, "you're too young to have boyfriends" "they're just my friends boyfriends" "still, wait until you're 16- or better yet- 18"

There just isn't a shortage of problems concerning the kids, it's one thing after another. Until one night in his study, hoseok's ledgers spread out in front of him while he reclines on a tufted sette, one of his men comes to the door, an ipad in his hands and a guilty look on his face. Hoseok snaps his fingers without looking up. "we- ugh- caught her reading fanfiction again, not the appropriate sort boss."

Hoseok groans because holy fuck he was no prepared to deal with a teenage girl in his mid 30's. let alone puberty again. But then again, he's a little curious, reads a few lines of the fanfic....

Only to find out it's an exact copy of his and his ex's life, down to the things that they've said on their first date. Their first time, even her untimely death down to her last words, words that he hasn't told anyone ever. Hoseok doesn't sleep as he reads through it. The only thing that's different is their names. here, here are memories even hoseok has forgotten. It's impossible, how could someone know all this?

oh, someone knows, and he's going to tear them apart.

Of course he finds the author. using the resources of his criminal empire to track them down. he has his men abduct her. the perfect crime, executed down to the moment she's snatched. he knows the autorities will never find her or even a hint of his orginization. he brings her down into that torture room and decides....not to kill her after talking to her.

hoseok is like something out of a romance novel, the kind of one she publishes irl and not the kind that she writes and posts on the internet. intimidating and beautiful with his crossed legs, red hair, strong jaw and piercing eyes. Of course, she only publishes things as fanfiction when she feels she needs too. other stories that she feels are more polished and less an extension of her own emotions, get the published book treatment. She's already absorbing details of this, the bite of the ropes against her wrists, the damp feeling of a cloth pressed over her mouth, it's a little bit fucked up but she's only thinking "this is gonna make for some good fanfic" and not about her safety.

hoseok has only met two types of peopke, the ones that are smart and scared of him, and the ones that are stupid and unafraid.

so what if she's got a bit of a deathwish, hoseok is a little impressed, having made grown men cry and piss themselves in that very chair, she's not afraid of him whatsoever. that alone, is what keeps him from killing her. maybe it reminds him a little bit of his exfiance, the way she looks at him without fear, like he's not the boss or dad, he's just hobi.

"So you mean i'm going to stay with you, your prisoner, until you figure out how i know what i know?"

"Yes that's the jist of it. Until you confess."

"there's nothing to confess, i just- thought of it on my own, i don't know what to tell you." hoseok looks for any connection, any of the fanfic authors family, if they were connected to his fiance in any way, but truly- there is nothing in her past that connects her to him, she wasn't even living in his city before now.

it's simply a trick perhaps, or just a coincidence. Hoseok doesn't believe in coincidences.

Only, Hoseok isn't cruel enough to keep her downstairs after the first few days when his interrogations turn more...conversations. Maybe he pours over the fanfic's and asks her about specific lines the one, "nothing's broken you yet, so you have no reason to belive this will too" thats been his personal mantra for year. how could she know things that he's never told anyone is beyond him.

The house has plenty of rooms and hoseok has plenty of men to keep an eye on her, he probably puts a tracking anklet on her just incase. and of course he finds her writing on bits of paper because he won't give her a laptop.

and then Hoseok's nice gets her fingers in everything. fucking shit up as she has a talent of doing. maybe hoseok intends it to be casual "this is my friend, she's going to be staying here for the time being, be nice to her and stay out of her hair" why does hoseok feel the need to suggest the kids be nice to her? she's literally a prisoner.

but of course, hoseok's nice looks at her, turns to hoseok and says "🥺 you got me my favorite fanfic author for my birthday uncle hobi?" immediatlly- the jig is up, they talk, the mc is really kinda nice to the kid because she's not an asshole.

Of course hoseok begs her to go along with it because...he really doesn't want his nice to know that everything she read actually happened, and he's got a sweet spot a mile wide for her underneath their bickering. of course also doesn't want to let her know that he did infact almost kidnap and torture this woman. and she agrees to befriend her...in exchange for a laptop.

Things go like that for a while, and for a month, he gets used to someone being there when he wakes up, he gets used to hearing laughter when he walks in, maybe she starts to get close to the kids a little bit- the nice especially, maybe one time hoseok gets a panicked text from the mc, "Minji's boyfriend broke up with her. sos bring ice cream."

The four of them of course leave the compound, go shopping, which then turns into going to the pet store, getting a dog (that his right hand man jungkook eventually takes in because none of them are prepared to actually take care of a dog). The works, maybe they go to one of those destruction rooms and smash some stuff, or go paintballing, the m/c hitting hobi in the chest and grinning "got you." it turns out mafia bosses are generally good shots, but mafia princesses are also really good too." And on the way home, the kids tired and asleep in the back, the m/c also nearing sleep in the passengers side, hoseok looks over at her and realizes that being the kids parents, being here for minji and hanyu has gotten alot easier since she's been around.

It's not that she does any of the child rearing at all, but- adult company is nice. Hoseok's not sure he can call her a friend. when he pulls in home he looks over, and finds that she's staring back at him.

"Are you really like the man i wrote into that story."

"Yes." he admits, they haven't talked about why he's here, in a while. she looks contemplatively at him for a second, then yawns. looking back and minji and hanyu in the backseat, "i'll get him if you get her right?" and they do, they bring the both of them inside and hoseok stays awake all night with a lump in his throat.

life continues like that, blood and domestic bliss in equal measure. a few times has he come home in the middle of the day to her writing in the main recreation room with Hanyu playing with his leggos around her, "i like her, she lets me be quiet without asking me to talk lots" or spinning with him to loud loud music. hanyu really only likes balet for the spinning and twirling.

of course hoseok is curious what she's writing after a while. and is more than a little curious why she doesn't try and leave. she still has to wear the ankle monitor, but hoseok would take it off if she asked.

"honestly i'm getting so much good material from this experience and you have good taste in decor and food gets made for me every morning by seokjin- and he's a fantastic cook and an even better beta reader." Seokjin is also a really good shot, and was in the black berets before i hired him is definitely not what hoseok says. "Why wouldn't i want to stay, i don't have to worry about anything here."

"accept for your bodily autonomy????" she waves her hand flippantly, "yeah, that never mattered to me so much as long as i can write. of course he gets curious of what she's writing, hoping to find more hints of how she can know what she knows. she finds bits and peices of his men in them and writes them off as just fanfic fodder. tells minji not to bother her too much.

he doesn't really like her next project about a heist with 3 lovers who get through it after years of sexual tension only to finally confess after one member gets shot- only, why are they like jimin? tae? and jungkook all close over taehyung's hospital bed. she's gotten close to all of them, but not closer than hoseok is to them and even he didn't realize they were all in love. how have some of his longest gang members, and appart of his inner circle who have been adversaries for the better part of the last 5 years finally getting over their enemies to lovers stick? how did he not notice?

he chalks it up to a coincidence until the next time it happens, because Namjoon and yoongi have been at each other's throats for years. Who would have thought an isolated job in the mountains that lead to them being snowed in with only one bed would...lead to their eventual coupling.

after that, hoseok starts to pay attention to what she writes. he's just in the middle of a deal gone bad when he remembers what she's written the year before, something about a car bomb- he avoids getting into the car until it explodes (a la bily) and comes home a little singed and scarred.

she's in the living room, the kids are asleep upstairs, and when she stands up, hoseok feels that feeling again in his heart, that peircing ache, the same one he gets when he thinks of his dead fiance.

i'm imagining him kneeling before her, taking off her anklet, fingers lingering over her skin a little too long. looking up at her, hoseok has not knealed for many people.

"you're free to go, but before i do, i'd like to offer you a job." it's hard to describe her value to hoseok, even harder to explain it to people who don't understand, she writes, and hoseok reads them, and about 70% of the time, the events she puts down on paper actually happen. he tries to ignore the other little things that don't, she's....a really good writer. and she knows by now that anything she writes he'll tare through. even the more...smutty sections that she tries to hide. he ignores the way that tales of submission make his blood burn, the way she describes touches and hands, hoseok tries to find pleasure in his own but it remains frightfully our of reach (and maybe 3 doors down).

maybe hoseok takes her to one of his functions, the ones that he usually hates with politicians and celebrities, because he wants to treat her, wanting to give things to people isn't a feeling he's felt in a while, i imagine them dancing underneath the stars, him asking her "if you were writing this right now what would happen." "if i were writing this, you'd have already kissed me."

maybe, someone gets wind of it, maybe theres a mole in hoseoks organization that tells tales of hoseok's secret weapon. his weakness. hoseok is not prepared there is nothing in her writing that says where she is or what happens only....that last one, it's tangentially mentioned, maybe minji is the one that finds it, hoseok explains it to her the situation, why the m/c is here and what lead her to their lives, maybe he's loosing it a little and she's the levelheaded one, hanyu is in the doorway crying, maybe when they came to take her she sacrificed herself for him, told him to hide and he did. that alone, that lone would make hoseok go after her, not the living breathing terrified thing in his chest- because this- this is almost exaclty like what happned with his fiance.

minji is 14 now, 14 and smart, smarter than hoseok, "she wrote something- i know she did- here- it was in an ask- here" hoseok scans it, and the gang mobilizes it. maybe hoseok's gang asks him why, why he's willing to go to these lenghts to save her, "it's not about securing a method of income, this has never been about money."

when he finds her, she's tied up, much the same way that he was tied up, and hoseok is soaked with blood, from his red hair down his back, she always did get unnervingly graphic with her murder scenes and it feels the same way that she wrote it, white hot rage that drips down his back in time with the cooling blood. he wonders if the bruises on her face feel the same for her. he unties her and then cups her cheeks, looking down at her while she grabs his wrists. "you came for me." is all she manages to choke out, "i wasn't sure you would."

he kisses the side of his face, "of course i'd never let you go, do you feel and see the blood i'd shed for you? is this enough?" hoseok is a little fucked up, and she knows this, she knows that deep down, beneath the softness that the people he loves cultivates in him, he does not mind the killing. he'd kill again for her in a heartbeat. he's going to kill again for her and he needs to know that if she stays.

hoseok is not convinced that she should.

he takes her home, washes her off. blood dripping down the drain and the two of them pressing hurried kisses against each others mouths, even if they taste like blood a little bit, they want each other too bad, all of this built up just breaking between the two of them. hoseok spends too long listening to her heartbeat. too long but she just washes his hair while he does, a tender geasture. he's not sure that his ex ever washed his hair.

the kids are glad to see her, a little bit scared to find hoseok more hollow than he was when he left. because he knows the last time something like this happened he was too late. and there are more than a few indications that he almost was too late, in the bruises that ring her body, her own blood that he wipes from his hands.

the next day, hoseok meets with minji, hands her her first gun, "you're to report to me, you don't make tough decisions, you let me make them for you, if you have questions or need help, ask. you don't make stupid decisions, and you don't tell anyone about anything you know." She scoffs, "thats a given."

later he ends up wrapped up with the main character, touching her again and again, verifying that she's alright that she's here, and she's just scribbling away at a piece of paper while he drags his lips up and down her arm. "is this still about getting inspiration for you?"

"maybe, but you're the best inspiration i've ever come across."

yeah i wanna write this, but i probably never will~

[sl-newsie]

Hat Thief (Jack Kelly x Medda's Daughter)

Hi!! Idk if you’re taking requests (if you aren’t ignore this, but if you are) could you please write a 92sies Jack Kelly x reader? Perhaps the reader is a year younger than him, she’s quite playful and steals his hat, practically forcing him to chase her. Very very fluffy and sweet! Tyy!!!♥️                 Gotcha!

Friendship is a wonderful thing. When two people’s relationship grows so deep, sometimes it feels as if they’re one and the same person. I met Jack Kelly 5 years ago, when mother and I first traveled to New York. My mother, Medda Larkson, became very busy with her theater and didn’t always have time to entertain me. Jack cured that. The minute he first snuck in backstage we’ve been thick as thieves ever since. He’s got his dream of leaving for Santa Fe, and I have my own dream of becoming an actress like my mother. But for now we’ve let our childhoods prosper with a strong friendship connected by fun memories.

“Hey there, Annie!”

Speak of the devil.

“Heya, Jackie.” I turn away from the costume I’m sewing and face the cowboy himself. He’s been growing more lately, especially since he can afford food better since the strike. “How’s the headline today?”

He leans back against the wall and twirls his cowboy hat in his hand. “Was ok, I guess. It was about the new horse at the track. Race luved it! How’s your day been?”

I shrug and gesture to my project. “Been woiking on this for the past two hours. Mom said I can take a break in ten minutes if you wanna do someth’n.”

Jack gets a devilish glint in his eye. After setting his hat down on the vanity, he slinks over to grab my hand and starts pulling me towards the back door.

“Whaddaya say we skip the wait and you can go on a break now? I hear there’s a few boids at the pond. People’re saying they’s flying south for winter, call’n ‘em swans.”

“Jack, I don’t wanna get anodda tell’n off from- Wait. Swans?” My jaw drops. “I’ve only read about them in books!”

“I thought that’d spark your interest!” Jack grins. “So let’s go!”

He drags me behind him while I try to pull the other way. “No, I can’t! I promised I’d have this dress done by supper.”

“Aw, c’mon.” Jack pouts and sticks his lip out. “Don’t leave me alone.”

I scoff and boop his nose with my finger. “You’ll survive for ten minutes.”

I sit back down and return to sewing the dress, while Jack keeps pacing the room.

“I could ask Medda to let you go early,” he suggests.

I stifle a laugh. “Won’t work. Mom’ll have you scrub’n the stage for say’n that. Just because you’re a year older does not mean you are smarter, Mister Kelly!”

The cowboy makes a mock look of surprise and dramatically clutches his heart. “I thought we were on a foist-name basis! I’m scarred!”

Then an idea flickers on in my head. Carefully, I inch closer to the vanity. “Well, we might not be able to go somewhere else to have fun-” I grip Jack’s hat behind me and hold it up to dangle it in the air. “But who says we can’t have fun here?”

Jack’s eyes widen when he sees the hat. “Now now, Annie. Give it back.”

I think for a second. “Nah. I think I’ll keep it!” And with that, I dash out the door and into the backstage corridor.

“Annabelle Larkson, give that back right now!” I hear Jack shout behind me.

“Come and get it, Jackie boy!”

I snake through the curtains and begin climbing the stairs to the catwalk. I’ve explored every inch-a this place since I was a kid, so I know every hidey-hole there is. There’s a tucked away cupboard near the back that’s poifect for right now. Once I’ve crammed myself in, I wait to see if Jack will continue with the chase. He’s not one to disappoint, because he comes panting up the stairs in a few seconds. 

“Alright, Annabelle. You got me! Come on out now.”

Why is this so fun? I struggle to silence my heavy breathing when I see him getting closer through the crack in the door. My heart’s beating faster and faster! But is it because of the thrill of the chase or something else? Jack walks past, and I swear he can hear my racing heart through the thin wooden door separating us. He passes, and seems to have missed me entirely-

“Gotcha!”

The cupboard door swings open and two strong arms grip my dress to pull me out. My reaction is a goilash squeal that rings throughout the empty theater as I struggle to break free.

“Oh no, you ain’t get’n away that easily!” Jack grumbles as he backs me into a wall and starts tickling me.

“No- No! Not fair! No tickling!” I titter.

After a while I stop fighting and Jack ends his tickle revenge, trying to keep a serious face but it keeps slipping into a smile.

“You give in?”

I roll my eyes and turn to face him while he’s still gripping my arms. “You know I ain’t do’n that, Jack.”

His brow furrows and he nods, seeming to think something over. “Alright, let’s make a deal.”

“I’m listening.”

He releases my arms and points to his hat I’m holding. “You give back my hat, but can keep my heart.”

His what? I frown. “Your heart? What’re you-? Oh!”

Jack leans in and presses a soft kiss to my forehead, causing me to strain against the wall in surprise. My hands press against the brick, unsure what to do. I’m speechless.

"You stole my heart too, Annie." When he pulls away and sees my shocked face, Jack starts panicking. “Did I mess up? Are you mad?”

I slowly come to my senses and shake my head. “No, no! You- you read me just fine, Jack. I’s just surprised it took you this long.”

He mirrors my surprise and playfully swats my shoulder. “You luv me too? You mean all this time I could’ve been kiss’n you? I thought you just thought of us as friends!”

I smirk. “So what’s stopping you now?”

He grins and leans in closer. “Not a thing, Annie.”

Friendship is a wonderful thing. When two people’s relationship grows so deep, sometimes it feels as if they’re one and the same person. And that’s exactly how it feels when Jack closes the gap to mesh our lips togedda. A million emotions race through me, and all in all I could never think of any odda guy I’d want to kiss me. It feels right. 

“Just curious,” Jack mumbles through the kiss. “Your mom ain’t gonna kill me for this, right?”

“Hm. No. Then she’d have to hear me complain the rest-a my life. By the way, this is yours.” I flop the cowboy hat on Jack’s head.

He chuckles. “I dunno. I think it looks bedda on you.” Jack brushes his nose against mine and wraps an arm around my waist. 

“Aw, I’m flattered. But what kinda cowboy would you be without your hat, hm?”

@amoreenaflower

Hope this is the fluff you were looking for! ;) 

[mylittleredgirl]

Hi! I'm so excited you're finally watching MASH! I hope you enjoy it and I selfishly hope you grow to like Margaret who starts off as not great and then becomes great and my fav.

i am having a great time!! i started at the beginning of season one and just finished season two. some of the discs in the complete series set i got as a gift last year don't play right or cut out mid-episode, which is driving me a little nuts, but i guess i'm having the classic syndicated tv experience of randomly missing stuff and always having some episode i've never seen floating out there forever.

my long form thoughts so far for those interested:

it's such a great collection of characters for comedy, because they are all pathetic and terrible in their own unique way, but are so charming and funny and easy to watch while they commit their little crimes against common sense.

i really like the mix of episodes -- the We're Having A Caper episodes and then the ones where it's like we're just kind of living here and things happen in some kind of order, but the things aren't necessarily related, which feels very appropriate for the setting.

i'm watching without the laugh track, which highlights one of my favorite things, which is that the main and background characters laugh out loud at what's happening. it gives the show such a lived-in and messy feeling. i just came off of watching the good place 5 times in a row, where the dialogue and plot are especially tightly packed, so this feels especially like it has a lot of just hanging out.

i keep thinking about how i'm watching this show fifty years later, not knowing what is the 70s lampooning itself, what is the 70s lampooning the 50s, and what is actually being played straight but i assume is a joke because of my perspective. some scenes are hard to watch on purpose and some are hard to watch by accident.

i wish i were watching it with my dad so he could keep pausing it to explain things to me, even if they don't need explaining, because i think that would add to the experience.

character feelings after two seasons:

hawkeye: alan alda being so charming and having such great timing really makes this an easy get. of course i'm going to love him equally in both success and failure (mostly failure).

trapper: my bestie!!! there's something about his face that makes me feel like i know him personally. i just love his physical acting choices. it's always funny. my fave i think.

margaret: i definitely enjoy her!!! how can you not?? they introduce her as being both highly capable and The Sexiest American Woman In Korea, who either can have or has had every high ranking officer in the army, and then she's soooo horny for the most pathetic man alive that she can't function.

frank: the narrative requires him to suck sooooo much every minute of every episode, because everyone else also sucks, so he really needs to put his back into it. he's gotta be there and he does it well, idk what more to say.

henry: he fascinated me in season one because i was like... clearly he's supposed to be A Caricature, but i couldn't figure out which one, and then he turned out to be A Character instead. i love his complexity and his serious moments, but i don't tend to find drunk acting that funny, so a lot of his shtick is lost on me. i wonder if he's the only character (and maybe klinger?) where the laugh track would actually serve him.

radar: as a former assistant yeah bro i get it, you keep on keeping on.

father mulcahey: the only one who is not terrible at all so far even once. Protect Him. i am so happy every time he comes on screen.

klinger: i'm still warming up to him as a character since he's mostly a sight gag still.

the parade of nurses: i have decided to take it at face value that 1) they are all here at war because they're super horny, 2) they are playing hard to get for fun, and 3) the pill was somehow invented before 1950, and under those conditions GET IT GIRLSSSSS.

my largest outstanding question: were they all actually functioning people before the war? i assume war did this to them but it's also possible they were like this before and their wives are all like THANK GOD they're overseas cheating on me because imagine how much worse it would be if they were like this but in my house.

on to season three!!!

[alyjojo]

Past Life 🪡 Karmic Spread January 2024 - Libra

Gender I’m Picking Up On (in the past life): Male

Who You Were: 9 Cups

What You Did: Page of Swords

How It Ended: 2 Swords & The Hermit

What Karma Was Brought With You: Page of Wands

Who You Brought With You: Knight of Wands rev

Additional energy: 10 Pentacles rev

Character Card (for this life): The Assassin

Past Life Oracle: Greco-Roman & Unicorn (past)

Dreaming Way: Man & Anchor (current) Key (past)

Charms:

Key 🔑 on Unicorn

Squid 🦑 on Assassin

Butterfly 🦋 on 10 Pentacles rev

Axe 🪓 on Man

TW: abuse, violence, cruelty, disabilities

Need I say more? I was shocked, I was hearing Spirit eagerly with this one, message after message, just shuffling everything before I even pulled any cards. I have a list in my notepad to keep track, it’s like they’re eager to tell this story, but even they said “it’s a dark story” and it is. I was excited and giddy initially, I always am with these readings, and I’m getting that was your energy overall, you were a joy & a light to others - even having gone through extreme cruelty. When I pulled Greco-Roman I heard “Switzerland”, and I keep going back and forth between 1700 and 1800 so probably at the turn of the century over your lifetime, which doesn’t feel very old. Mid to late 30’s max. You were a twin, two boys, you were “the runt”, the weaker of the two, and your brother was a brutish asshole. I’m seeing a big guy, while you were always smaller, weaker, less healthy to an extent, you got sick often. But you were mama’s baby because of that, and though I don’t see her yet I can feel her around you. Still. She’s not here, but she could be one of your guides. A warm motherly presence, I’m getting you can feel her sometimes too but don’t know where it comes from. At some point there was a massive “accident” but I get it was no accident, it was your brother, bullying, and your legs were crushed. I heard paraplegic, waist down. There was no remorse from the brother, only shame he might get caught, but he wasn’t. Jealousy 💯 was very strong in him, because you were the favorite, you got more attention, and later, you were the much smarter as well. Big dumb brute, kinda psycho, that’s his energy. I get you being in the dark about much of this, you were probably much too young to understand what was even going on, 2-5 years old, and to you later - this life was what was always normal.

This reading starts much later, when you’re older. I get you being an absolute joy to be around, someone that loved meeting with and talking with anyone, from anywhere. You loved to tell stories, even other people’s stories (gossiping/conversation), and an excellent listener, you liked to be somewhere there were always people traveling through, I’m seeing a chair outside of your house or something. Maybe it’s a house, could be a business, right by a traveling path of some kind, there were always people on it to chat with. Could be outside a shop, a bar, idk but it’s outside not inside, that’s where you liked to be, and I’m seeing a hat made of straw 👒 but it’s not like any hat I’ve seen before. I get zero mention of parents in this reading, after childhood. I have no idea how you get to the chair every day. 9 Cups describes your spirit, and I get one that’s jovial, kind, always very chatty and in good spirits. Unicorn being here nods to a magical quality about you. You know when you meet someone who is just genuine in every way, and so sweet, that was who you were to a lot of local people, and some just passing through, which I get being a regular thing. A tourist stop maybe. There’s much more space between you and the brother when older, but he can’t stand you, and you assume he’s off doing whatever he does. No judgement at all. You avoided Justice, even knowing the kind of person he was, I get you were mostly unassuming and optimistic, you didn’t delve too deeply into him and just knew him as “troubled”, scary even, and yet you protected him on any occasion he might act out. I keep getting a jail reference, so I asked if he went to jail in the past, and got no, he died. Pissed someone off & it was Justice. He’s who you brought, and I asked if jail applies to this life - it could, but you may have no idea, the two of you are estranged, I don’t get any deep emotional connection there. He’s still male, and still very similar to his past personality. Less physically abusive, still troubled.

In the past, there was a particular person you were madly in love with, they were the most beautiful creature that walked the earth. You spent a long time talking to this person, probably years, and I get a very deep bond with them. Eventually, they met someone, a business owner or someone with a lot of money/status, and this person left you behind, devastated. It was the only time of your life you really hated your circumstances, but you were powerless and hated that feeling most of all. You have two Keys here, one card and the Key charm on the Unicorn which I now notice says “wisdom”, and you were very wise. For not having gone many places or “lived” the way other people do, you were a wonderful confidant, people could trust you with their deepest secrets (although some were fair game to gossip about). Others enjoyed helping you with anything, because somehow you were always helping them with something too. You were searched out by others, sometimes just for directions, sometimes for critical life advice, because you always knew what to do, and you really cared about people’s well-being. Anyone. The end makes me sad, it feels like a heavy weight on my chest. Someone didn’t know you were alone, or no one knew you were alone, this could’ve been a crisis situation, you couldn’t call for help and no one knew you were there or in trouble, wherever that was. You were there for a long time, trapped in, several days, under, behind, something, and you were very sad at the end. I want to cry.

Your energy in this life is divided. You’ve got The Assassin here with Squid, that’s no joke, you aren’t someone anyone is dumb enough to fk with this time around 💯 You’re extremely quiet, vengeful, not afraid of doing what you have to do, even if that would be considered “wrong”. Versatile, changeable, adaptable, quick as hell literally & mentally. Again I keep seeing jail, and one of those teardrop tattoos…which means you’ve killed someone? Idk. There’s an Axe on the Man here too. Whew. I hope not 🙏 This could just be showing me you’re ruthless, Assassin even says ruthless. But inside…you have an exciting, sensual, even romantic spirit, you still crave love, passion, excitement, steamy affairs & adventures. Libras gonna Libra 😍 If you haven’t killed anyone (I hope), lasting love may not be for you. This Man desires what he looks at, which is the Anchor, long term stability, a lasting relationship, true love even, but the Axe indicates you cut it off before it can get there…and you’re focused on the NEW. Ace of Cups. That initial excitement & passion of being obsessed with someone, can’t keep your hands off each other. But long term? You want it but you don’t, in some cases a painful divorce may be attached to this, but probably more painful for the other person. If you’re a felon, then it’s more about money, and the lack of a solid foundation in that sense. You also have a major travel bug, you want to MOVE, which makes sense considering this past life being connected, you couldn’t really. Money may stop you a lot, if you had it your way, you’d probably never stop moving. Cars & transportation may be an area of healthy obsession for you, literally traveling or even working on them, as a job or a hobby.

You’ve brought your twin, I don’t see them being related, at least not as a sibling. Could be a cousin, best friend, neighbor, they have some ties with your family, “a friend of the family” is what I’m hearing. They’re very similar to how they were in the past, but less cruel. Still crazy though 💯 You probably get flack from lovers or family about this person, they’re unreliable and always getting into trouble, a bad influence so to speak, you’re still the more logical. 10 Pentacles rev shows a lack of any solid foundation in your life, love, work, home, any of the stuff most people consider goals, I don’t get that you do. It’s a nice idea, you’re like “maybe someday”. Butterfly here with the clarifiers show you feel like if you could just escape, things would be better for you. There’s a daydreamy energy regarding this - you need some perspective on the long term, I get you don’t really think about long term, just today, tomorrow, the next. Drugs or mind altering substances could keep you distanced from family. Doesn’t have to be you either, could be them. There is a transformative energy here, I am getting this is karmic, but it doesn’t have to be this way. You could end up breaking generational curses, changing your life around, or maybe other people do, there’s a long stagnant energy but it’s for a much deeper divine purpose. If this is a family torn apart by tragedy, murder, whatever crime you may have going on - that could be the thing that has or will change you forever. Substances could be involved in that too. It’s a mix of personal tragedy and rising like a Phoenix from the ashes, something good could come out of something terrible, or it’s meant to make this change happen. Sending you lots of love Libra, this is a tough one, both lives 🩷

[besidesitstoowarm]

"The Eleventh Hour" thoughts

this is such a fun, explosive opening to the season and the new era as a whole. moffat episodes always leave me w so many notes so i'll try to get through this normally

so we see amy's beautiful dilapidated garden, the broken bench and overgrown ivy, while mournful singing plays overtop. fairy tale imagery that will carry us through to eleven's very last episode (and even into twelve, altho twelve has a more straightforward aesop fable thing going on). baby amy is praying to santa about the crack in her wall and i think this is a good intro for the kind of kid she is, the one who asks a larger-than-life half-fantasy man for help. she doesn't ask god, she asks santa, so of course she imprints on the doctor, who at this point is far more like the latter than the former

"are you a policeman?" "did you call a policeman?" eleven is very good w baby amy! he doesn't brush her off, he wants to comfort her in a language she understands, so if she mentions the police, he'll meet her there. she feeds him, montage of him thinking it's all ickyucky. fish fingers and custard you nasty ass. "amelia pond, like a name in a fairy tale" there we go. she gives him an apple w a face carved in and he keeps it even tho he already said he hates apples now

"prisoner zero has escaped" this would have scared the fuck outta me at age 7 so she's honestly being really brave to me. he promises to be back in 5 minutes. she packs up a suitcase, puts on her coat, sits outside waiting. and waiting, and waiting. a door at the end of her hall opens wider and wider

we skip forward! coma patients all saying "doctor" on repeat. hi rory. adult amy! she doesn't say who she is and says amelia hasn't lived there in 6 months and eleven keeps insisting it couldn't have been 6 months. there's a room she can only see in the corner of her eye and she goes inside and there's a fucked up evil eel in it. it's fine. he realizes she was lying about the 6 months thing and says "why did you say 6 months?" and she snaps back "why did you say 5 minutes?"

"i'm the doctor, i'm worse than everybody's aunt" that tracks. he uses rory's phone to track prisoner zero and wants to meet up w amy's handsome friend jeff to steal his laptop. rory is not happy about this assessment. eleven busts into jeff's room and snags the computer and says "get a girlfriend, jeff" in response to whatever he was looking at. he joins a worldwide genius zoom call or something idk

they go to the hospital and olivia colman is there! she's credited as "mother" and she is in fact mothering. "the pandorica will open," she says, "silence will fall" i am so excited. eleven tricks her into revealing herself and she gets arrested and then he demands the atraxi come back bc how DARE they threaten earth. he steals doctors' clothes and we get the iconic bow tie and tweed coat. this entire end monologue fucks so severely, it's the kind of thing moffat is so good at it and matt smith excels at performing, this fast-talking quick-witted sharp-spined arrogance. lil montage of all the previous doctors. "basically, run" that's my baby right there!!

he comes back two years later to pick up amy and she deliberately does not mention it's the night before her damn wedding. he says he's been alone too long and wants company, very hard left turn from the time lord victorious but it makes sense. she agrees to come and i like the new tardis interior :) eleven's later classic-style interior is my fave but this one is nice too. eccentric ass. next ep is one of my faves!

[beezonia]

Some more stuff for the Frost family au!

Mainly character stuff with a bit of lore.

————-

Holly (Marie-Mistle) Davis - Scott’s Cousin

Holly and Scott don’t talk that much anymore but they still do keep in touch every now and again.

Their mothers were not on the best terms and that leads Holly to try bridge the gap between her and Scott whenever their together so they don’t end up like them.

She’s the younger one about 34/5 I think Scott’s like mid 40s idk

Also holly is pansexual

She’s a music teacher, and loves the kids to death and is always happy to help with any problems the teens may have

She’s selfless, really selfless and it means sometimes she forgets to take care of herself

Also a bit of a klutz

Holly is also a part time mechanic at her dads (Victor) garage, Victor taught her everything she knows about cars and machinery

A brunette always has hair hair in a short bob, hates her blue eyes because she had always wanted her mothers greyish ones

She’s about 5’6, Holly gets her height from her dad

Fun fact her parents are divorced but are on good terms with each other.

Victor remarried and Holly loves her stepmom Andrea

Toby Sinclair - Holly’s fiancé

He’s a literal golden retriever and is bisexual

So kind and charming, loves Shakespeare and is a huge theatre nerd

Can be serious when he needs to be but other then that he’s a huge goof

Can be a bit stupid sometimes (he was actually tempted to become a maths teacher)

He met Holly when he started to teach a the high school she was working at and they became fast friends and two years after started to date

6’4 blonde and has these beautiful brown eyes (holly does get extremely jealous over this)

Eldest sibling, his sisters Donna and Becky are chaos when they come visit him

Doesn’t know about Scott being Santa but does have his suspicions about it when they come to the Np

Thinks Scott is a bit awkward but they do get along quite well with each other

But Toby is happy if Holly is happy

He’s honestly just happy he gets to spend the rest of his life with this beautiful kind woman and meet her estranged cousin who happenstance be santa

Now for my elf babies

Celeste is the eldest at about 1500 years old, then Babs at 1435 the twins are both 1390 and are the youngest

Celeste is a mother hen she’s very stoic but does care about her little family and her big family of elves

5’7 and has really curly hair she’s a brunette but always has her red streaks in her hair she’s a lesbian

She bakes the best best cinnamon buns and the cookies are always delicious

Babs is always thinking of ways to improve things, although slightly impulsive and quick to jump to conclusions she means well

She’s one of the best makers, Santa said so himself at some point Babs can’t remember when it was

You can always find her with her trusty goggles and a spanner

She’s got short genes (5’3) and her hair is exactly the same it’s always messy and is like a mix between a deep purple and a dark blue

Babs is bisexual

The twins are chaos incarnate

If you lock eyes with one of them you’re their next target for pranks

Both blonde Connie’s hair is curly and Scrapps is maybe bald or just has thin hair (he had a Mohawk phase once and Bernard cried when he saw it)

Connie loves designing outfits for the little dolls

Whilst Scrapp is always tinkering with toys to get them to be more chaotic and fun

Connie is non binary and Scrapp is gay!

Their both about 5’5 and not a day goes by when they piss of babs for making short jokes

——————

Now for some story stuff

These four elves get assigned to watch over Jack, if they manage to make sure he stays on track and show that he has changed by Christmas their little group (Elf Protection Society) becomes an official Squad to help Christmas go smoothly.

They don’t expect Jack to fall in love with Santa’s cousin who they call mom every now and again. ALONG WITH HER FIANCÉ THEY KNEW NOTHING ABOUT.

Holly does frequently visit the np sometimes and has bonded with the elves that reside there so they call her mom every now and again

So now their spending more time with Jack, Holly and Toby the seven of them are now their own tiny family (or that’s what Babs says)

And the four elves are just watching the chaos that is Jack and Holly flirting with Toby (who’s getting more and more flustered with each pick up line)

Then they also have to make sure Jack doesn’t do anything to drastic with this new found love (and power) he has.

Whilst Scott watches the guy who nearly ruined his life flirt with the cousin he wants to protect and does not like it. Yes we are getting protective Scott in this because i said so

Jack spends more time with the four elves who are looking after him, forming a bond with them all

He realises that he has a family now and won’t admit it out loud but he likes it.

——————-

Tags!! Let me know if you wanna be added!

@Imelodie

[startreatment]

i can't believe i haven't asked for your in depth thoughts on the car yet but i am asking it now! has the top 5 changed?

so i just checked and my top 5 was mirrorball, big ideas, hello you, sculptures and mr schwartz and tbh i don't think it did. i'm not sure about mr schwartz, i think it might be switched for the car or jet skis on the moat, but yeah. some thoughts on each track individually:

there'd better be a mirrorball: instant classic, come on now! gorgeous production, THE STRINGS!!, smooth vocals, so hazy, beautiful and atmospheric. i cried to it more times than i am willing to admit, it really is a tearjerker. i've seen some people say that lyrics are the weakest part of the album, which i obviously disagree with, but especially on this one. it's pretty simple, but still effective and touching. "i'd throw the rose tint back on the exploded view darling, if i were you" always gets me.

i ain't quite where i think i am: FUN!! the weakest one on the album, but i genuinely love it. WAAAAAAH!! i am a she looks like fun enjoyer as well, so i guess i just like having fun idk?

sculptures of anything goes: no words to adequately explain the sheer grip this one has on me. everything i wanted and more. so dark, ominous, rich and textured, we love her!! and the title's very cool, too. it is a career highlight idc what y'all say!! 5 years from now we're gonna treat it with the same respect and love we treat crying lightning, four out of five and other pretties. love. alex turner work on a portishead inspired album challenge

jet skis on the moat: didn't grab me on the first listen, but it's actually very cute! gives me western vibes, one of the songs that reminds me of TBHC the most, for some reason. love the way he delivers "or are you just happy to sit there and watch while the paint job dries?". "you know that it's alright if you're wanna cry" thank you alex, but i have been bawling since the first track so <3

body paint: still sad it didn't live up to my very high expectations that were set up by that damn kings theatre live "leak", but i appreciate it way more in context. the piano riff is insane tho, sometimes it just randomly plays in my head throughout the day. also, really enjoy the first lyric. "for a master of deception and subterfuge you've made yourself quite the bed to LIE in" ok we get it you're very funny. also. "and i'm keeping on my costume and calling it a writing tool"? yeah he's.......... mhm

the car: ruins me the same way ultracheese does, which means i sob uncontrollably until i feel like there's no air around me at all. childhood memories always get me so hard and the strings add a sense of melancholy i can't handle. very sick of them to put it in the middle of the fucking record! anyway, it kinda reminds me of faust arp by radiohead, which is a win, because in rainbows is very good. good track!

big ideas: have i ever said that we should artists grow? let them change and flourish and explore new things? hm, idk. lyrically it's a bit too on the nose, which is not what i was expecting at all, but it's a welcome change from cryptic TBHC lyrics. sometimes i just want him to say what he thinks, you know? and we're gonna stop analysing the lyrics now, because i don't wanna get upset.

hello you: the first make me hold my breath and stop me in my tracks no matter what i'm doing (kinda like nfwmb foof and diwk do so. do with that what you will). that piano riff (? can you call it that idk i know nothing about music) is CRAZYYYY. also plays in my head throughout the day, so catchy and fun. lego napoleon moveh. vortex to vortex. the buisness they call show. 'ello gruesome. HELLOOOO YOU. might be my favourite from the record if i'm being completely honest. sorry, i love a good instrumental, what can i say. i actually saw someone say it's pattern with no miles, which is pretty accurate!

mr. schwartz: my head hurts. again, not getting into the lyrics, but i HAVE to point out that "and if wе guess who i'm pretending to be, do we win a prize?" makes me wanna lay down for a sec. also FINGERPICKING!!

perfect sense: why is it so short. melancholic (what a surprise), but doesn't make me wanna die! it's the type of melancholy that you feel when you're watching the last episode of your favourite show. a nice farewell song that sounds sad but hopeful, a gorgeous closer. they Know how to write a good closing track for sure. love it!!

my overall review: makes me cry, but it's very good. would love to have a couple more tracks that sound like i ain't quite or hello you to dilute the ... whatever's going on in the middle that makes me sob, but i can also appreciate the fact that it's just 10 tracks. still, we want b-sides @ am. make it happen!!!!! a 9/10, already in my top 3 (which is tbhc > humbug > fwn = the car), taylor swift cant't relate

[jinhogwarts]

bias game

tagged by @shadowetienne

You're going to pick 10 of your biases (or as many biases as you have and then fill in the rest of the spots with idols you like) and number them 1-10. Then answer the questions below! Try not to look at the questions before you make your list!

1. jinho (pentagon)

2. cheng xiao (wjsn)

3. johnny (nct)

4. changmin (the boyz)

5. yuri (snsd)

6. hyuna

7. hyungwon (monsta x)

8. jun (seventeen)

9. chungha

10. hyolyn

Questions:

1. Between 7 and 5, who did you bias first?

yuri, although she wasn't my first bias in snsd! i biased her during igab era so 2013, and obviously i only biased hyungwon later (actually in 2016 after i saw him in k.will's mv!)

2. Between 2 and 6, who are you more attached to?

hyuna... my female ult 🥹 i also love cheng xiao dearly, but because i don't really watch dramas or follow cpop idols that closely, it's harder to keep up with her. and hyuna is definitely one of my all time favorite idols ever, i feel very strongly about her

3. If you were to spend the day with either 3 or 1, who would you choose and what would you do?

oof this is tough because both of them are people i would love to spend a day with and i would enjoy talking to them both... but i would have to choose jinho because he's my #1 ult haha. if i can go anywhere in the world and don't have to limit myself for anything, i would go with him to the harry potter studio in london, then go watch a musical with him (probably wicked lol) and if we still have the energy maybe go to a bar or a cafe and just sit and talk hehe

4. What is your favorite physical feature about 9?

her eyes 🥹🥹🥹 idk what it is about them but she has such beautiful eyes imo!! i mean she's gorgeous in general, one of the most beautiful girls ever, but her eyes specifically are so pretty

5. What is your favorite part of 6's personality?

she's soooooo sweet and gentle and cute and loving but also she can give a "idgaf" attitude when needed. but mostly she is just very very sweet

6. If you were to tell 8 anything you wanted, what you would you tell them?

i'm so proud of him, he's so talented in everything he does, he's cute and funny and precious!! moving to korea at a young age and still being active there 8 years into his career with no intention of going back is... wow

7. Between 1 and 2, whose closet would you raid?

i mean obviously cheng xiao because 1. we're the same gender and 2. she has so many pretty designer clothes...... but then she's probably like half my size lol. but idk, jinho doesn't really strike me as a fashion icon lol if it was kino i might have considered it lol

8. What is a style that you want to see 3 try?

musically? basically anything lol but i'm always up for some rock-ish vibes

9. Between 5 and 4, who are you closer to in height?

they're both taller than me (i'm 157) but hyuna is closer (she's 164 and yuri is 167)

10. Between 10 and 9, whose music do you like the best?

ooooh that's a difficult one. i love hyolyn so much, her voice is probably one of my faves for female idols, and she has some songs i'm genuinely obsessed with (dally and layin' low especially) and of course sistar's music was one of my fave discographies... but as a solo artist i think i vibe more with chungha's title tracks 🤔 but then i also didn't listen to all her bsides so idk...

[thisultraviolet]

How would you rank the Fearless vault tracks? No one really talks about them except Mr. Perfectly Fine

OH THANK YOU FOR THIS BC I AGREE THEY ARE CRIMINALLY UNDERRATED. We’re going 6-1 bc I love drama and also 1 is one of my fav Taylor songs ever so I want it to be the finale

6. We Were Happy: Midnight Rain’s prequel (no it’s NOT about Taylor Lautner literally fight me), definitely had to grow on me but it’s just really pretty. Keith ate the harmonies let’s be honest, especially in the last chorus. When it was good baby! It was good baby! I definitely understand why it didn’t make the cut for the og album but I’m definitely glad we have it now!

5. Mr Perfectly Fine: It’s a great song, but (and idk if this was just in Australia) the radio overplayed it so much that I am literally still recovering, like I will never choose to put it on, only on shuffle. Wonderfully petty and we love a key change but I must say Forever & Always does it better.

4. That’s When: I have genuinely NO idea why it gets so much hate? It’s super catchy, perfectly bittersweet, good use of both perspectives which Taylor excels at every time. I think their voices sound great together, the backing vocals are so pretty. The bridge is super simple but the vulnerability? 2nd chance romance? The way they say cuh-rying? I love it all

3. You All Over Me: Walked so rwylm could run, I ADORE the production (the opening is so peace it drives me crazy), Maren’s harmonies are so good, the whole thing feels very mature for Fearless honestly. Like she lived! She learned! Had you! Got burned! One of her most underrated songs period.

2. Don’t You: As someone who took 4 years to get over my ex while remaining friends with them the whole time YEAH THIS ONE HITS. Love the production even if it isn’t very “Fearless” bc I think it works really well with the more mature and reflective tone. At the same time the somewhat pleading nature of each line of the chorus makes her sound so young, and you can hear her frustration at both herself and the subject with “I swore I wouldn’t do this” because ultimately they still hold this power over her, so all she can do is beg them not to abuse. Another baby rwylm, and I love her for it.

1. BYE BYE BABY: BEST VAULT TRACK (YES THAT INCLUDES ATW) AND HONESTLY SOME DAYS BEST SONG ON FEARLESS (she swaps with F&A constantly). The VOCALS first of all oh my god, specifically the chorus directly after the bridge with the option up on “Bye bye babyyyYYYyy” while the music cuts out, honestly could be my fav moment in any Taylor song ever. The harmonies the whole time are just perfection, specifically the male vocals at the end of the second chorus. “Feels like I’m becoming a part of your past” OH MY GOD? SHE PUT IT INTO WORDS? There’s a resigned quality to the sadness, she knows nothing will change this outcome but still holds enough love to call them an endearment even in this betrayal. The high piano melody almost sounds like a music box doomed to keep repeating. One of her first movie references if I’m not mistaken with the opening lyric and we love the birth of a career long motif. ALSO THE DRUMS. I JUST LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH, BEGGING ON MY KNEES FOR IT AS A MELBOURNE SURPRISE SONG EVEN IF I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO’LL BE HAPPY WITH IT

[dastardlydandelion]

i actually don’t think kirby was included in kevin williamson’s original plans for a 5 & 6. he was on a podcast last year talking about how sidney was going to be a professor at jill’s college or something w amnesia and then 6 was going to be gale focused? 😭 idk but i think kirby actually originally did die and wes was more so the one who took an interest in letting her fate be ambiguous.

she was not in kevin williamson's version, no. you're correctamundo. he did plan on her dying and yes, scream 6 being more gale focused. i listened to that podcast too, it was the horror queers podcast, right??

also yeah, it was wes craven who'd had initially wanted to keep kirby alive and make her survival more evident in scre4m before that got cut leaving us with the ambiguity of her bleeding on the ground. ALBEIT iirc (according to screenrant and i would want to go back further than that if digging deeper bc screenrant is sketch at times) craven had also mentioned kirbs' wouldn't have survived round 2 of jill even if she had survived scre4m, so? yeah the odds of her having been the ghostface in the scrapped killer vs killer scenario even tho the idea crossed my brain and i can sorta track the logic of it, nevertheless i have to admit are very slim.

and i would want to dig back further and see which idea belonged to who anyway!! we already have these lil discrepancies between williamson's and craven's visions, and uh....who else was working on that bc in that same podcast didn't williamson say robbie mercer wasn't his character (therefore not confirming nor denying his sexuality)?? was robbie craven's character? who else had input here??

okay, sorry dude, now i'm kind of rambling and getting off topic. yes tho, i do recall williamson's plan was for her to die. would've really liked to see where he went with the franchise, those ideas did sound interesting.

i liked his peacock original, sick, too. obvi it's not anywhere near scream but at the very least i give it credit for subverting tropes and calling out the ppl who were acting like fucking asshats at the height of the pandemic. also cool ass looking setting, i love those log houses.

crap more rambling. my bad.

scream 6 at present does seem like it will feature a lot of focus on gale, even tho it obvi won't be the version of her story williamson had previously conceptualized. gotta say i'm interested to see where that goes, altho we have a large cast to focus on with the carpenter sisters' centrality to the story and the meeks-martin twins returning as well...

[onedragonarmy]

It sucks ass to see both your cards decline at the laundromat and realize there is no more buffer of credit to hold you over until your promotion in November

I'm still on track to make minimums it's just like oh god the interest might make me go over like actually

It literally took like every bit of liquid we had to move so the interest might genuinely overcap it though ugh

I get that my wife didn't want to spend one more minute living in a slum for college kids but I really wish we could have secured this place at the end of our lease rather than 4 months off

I could have saved a bit more but that's just how housing is! If you snooze you lose good luck finding a place nearly as open for the price!

Makes a clown want to earn their keep in a second circus lest he be forced to sell her makeup

I should sign up for one of those GMs for hire sites tbh

To make a long story short,

TOO LATE.

I forgot that they had just told me yesterday to not talk about money until their vacation is over..

I legit feel weak in mind and body like damn 5 hours of sleep two nights in a row to make sure all of your stuff is out of an apartment In a Hellday and a half sure does do some soul damage Doth it not?

I'm still reeling from it I guess

That and being personally attacked by the people who took over our lease because we didn't have time to clean it but like I would have come straight back if they had asked for help cleaning

Idk WHAT Maxwell whatever his name was berating my wife with one on one that Sunday but she was pissed

So we packed up, handed keys over and left like hijo I walked 35,000 steps I'm pretty sure

And I FELT it my body was literally struggling to keep going every second god I hate MOVING

The nerve...

And we gave over our Entire Deposit bc like yes our place was lived in you are only getting 1000/1900 back tops and the two of them were like Oh we can see WHY you didn't make us pay for the deposit like binch...

Any housing changeover like this is not a Landlord milking you for cash they use to clean between tenants this is two recent college grads struggling with debt and the current job market

Even if we did pay for a Real carpet cleaner (which I think their dumbasses did drop 500 on) it wouldn't remove jack!!! Stains don't just come out it's not an area rug carpet just ages poorly that's why it's the cheapest flooring type and why landlords LOVE it

Short term gain and their tenants have to suffer with it it's been dirty

Unlivable conditions WE WERE LIVING THERE FINE

Binch doesn't know the difference between Black Mold and mold that is black

In the grout btw

Which also stains

So even when you protonate it with vinegar or soak it with quaternary chloride such as 409 (both fungicides) guess what? It's still there

Punk ass white boy wait til you're deep in climate circles 4 years from now or and you have to hear MY name in everyone's mouth for my work on Energy Infrastructure and you seethe because I am NOT Working with your punk ass because I do not forgive

I do not forget

He said that floor looked like it had not seen a mop in years

Try two weeks dumbass SORRY YOU DIDN'T WANT TO WAIT FOR ME TO MOP IT AND WERE RUSHING MY WIFE TO GIVE YOU THE KEYS

I CLEANED THAT HOUSE.

ME. I mopped that floor twice a week. Bathroom weekly. My goddamn vacuum BROKE a few months before and I was barely catching up in the last month

My GRANDFATHER DIED LAST MONTH

And they said wah don't play Oppression Olympics

If you had to bear what I bear you would be annihilated instantly. Your resolve couldn't hold 10% of my grind. All while adhd, autistic, learning Everything I can about silicone manufacturing so they'll hire me as a Quality Engineer, computerless, down to my last dollar, grieving, uninsured, and crucially...remaining silly.

But there is so little time for silly. I am so tired. My mind is racing. It always is.

Hhhhh

Will my meds even last me until November ugh I have to math it out..

[cato-of-blamesociety]

32 Weeks Tracklist/Song Picks pt. 4 (weeks 25-31)

How/Why did I choose/chose to use the songs I did

*Full breakdown, updated in real time(weekly)*

25. Mood 4 Eva x Beyonce ft. Jay-Z, Childish Gambino, Oumou Sangare

Yooo!! We have arrived to the final videos of the project. I don’t know how you feel, I hope that you feel…well idk understood?? If you are of my flesh and blood family, I hope you feel heard, validated, celebrated, and overall loved. If you are a follower, I hope you feel connected to me and my work. If you are a person who just happened to stumble upon this…(yeah right), but if so 😉, I hope you visit, and revisit all the aspects of this project and find that you are just like me; human AF!! I had to do one for my mama y'all. So this will sort of a shout out to film by Beyoncé, “Black is King”. Now for those that don’t know, or haven’t had a chance, the movie is basically like it’s own telling of “The Lion King” but with amazing colors, outfits, nod to spirituality, highlights of life, and more. I fell in love with the story/narrative that we are “Simba” finding our way, and even though we get lost, our ancestors, loved ones, and elders are guiding us, covering us, and wishing the best for us. On a another level, I view it as Beyoncé's love letter to her son, but I also interpret it as a metaphor that the Divine Black Goddess(not Beyoncé) but the spirit of life/love/nurture/nature, BIG feminine energy is here for me and always has been. Each visual has amazing imagery, and the music is phenomenal. The African artists, and influences make the album feel like its our DNA. With that being said, I knew after writing to “Cuff It”, I would return to another Beyoncé track. I was leaning towards something off "Renaissance", "EVERYTHING IS LOVE", or "The Gift". "Renaissance" had so many picks, but really, none that I really attached to, and could write something meaningful. "EVERYTHING IS LOVE", well….actually, never mind that for now. We will be back to talk about it in about 5 more posts (I really didn’t think I was going write to anything on that album). “The Gift” had so many bangers. Initially I attempted to create something to “BIGGER”. The actually song moves me to tears when I think about; how much my wife does, and more recently, how I’m endlessly exhausted being in this process. I hummed some sh*t, but nothing actually stuck. “Find Your Way Back” was another that I could freestyle to, but nothing that I thought I use for #32weeksMixtape. OMG…”Already”!!?? I couldn’t…I just couldn’t disrespect that mf like that haha. “Waters”, “My Power”, and “Scar” are all inviting but for whatever reason, “Mood 4Eva” just felt more like me. As soon as I gave myself to idea of it, the words came to me. I knew it would be about my amazing mother. She has gotten even more full of grace over the years, more understanding, and I would dare say, more loving. Anyway, Mama, I highly doubt you will ever see this, but I want to say it again just in case. I love you so much. I sincerely appreciate your guidance, your light, and commitments to the development of your children.

26. Calling x Metro Boomin ft. Swae Lee, NAV, A Boogie wit da Hoodie

Sooo, just a reminder and to avoid redundancies, please 👉🏾check out the blog posts for weeks 17-24, specifically week22👈🏾 to get background info on my search throughout the "METRO BOOMIN PRESENTS SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE SOUNDTRACK". I want to jump right in. "Calling" was written after my youngest sister, Neisha, confided in me about a dilemma. I want to say(can't remember for certain) she was very embarrassed or at least wanted to keep that dilemma confidential. I thought based on prior info, that the situation had changed for her, but basically she made it known that it never did. I wanted her and my other sister, Deonna, that I was one that can always be trusted with any info, because I know the value of being that special ear, and heart for others. That's really what the track is about. The original line opening the verse was; "I'm your brother, your motherf*cking brother...' but I felt that was too aggressive and since it was a spider track, I wanted my children to be able to hear it. When I say, "I truly get it, I get to my core..." it's a reference to understanding how hard it can be to tell the people we love the most, the truth about who we are. For me, it was telling my mom after over 20years of going to church, that I no longer believed /followed Christianity. It was big deal for Mama. She thought she did something wrong but as a person who is seeking truth, and wanting to find freedom in this life, my beliefs and journey took me down a different path. The line about wearing a mask to cover shame...whew chile!! That one carries so much weight. Shame is something we all try to avoid, and as a fellow(rather former) mask wearer, I know when people have those barriers up. We think they protect us(THEY DON'T), but really embracing that shame, or confronting it(by being open, honest, and vulnerable) we learn to let it go. When we let shame go, we become stronger. Gwen Stacy takes off her mask(honest, confronts shame) and it literally saved her and her father's life! As a person who is trying to become a better version of themselves, I recognize that it takes time for folks to attain that level of honesty. Sh*t, there are things I still need time for as well. I think I touch on this in the video description, but, I wanted the video to show Peter B. Parker as the 'brother'. Gwen bonded with him and Miles (and the other spider people) in the previous movie. Peter is the OG, who taught Miles, but in the end, learned from him. He becomes a father, he is a great friend( to even Miguel, who is obviously hurt in ways that can't be seen) and overall when Peter enters the room, you feel the sigh of comedic relief. I see myself as Peter and my sisters as Gwen. Peep the video where I say "I'm the one that you can trust" and it's a quick reminder that Peter has felt the same way Gwen does. At the end of the film, Gwen appears outside of Peter's window...she is literally "Calling" him for help. Deonna and Deneisha, if you see this, I hope you know you can call me WHENEVER, for WHATEVER! I hope you enjoy the visuals and the song!!

27. Rebuke x KAYTRAMINÉ

Ok, so I will attempt to keep this one brief! Going back to phase 1, I lay out how Kaytranada was new to me(week5). Well after writing to "Grey Area", I knew I wanted to use another Kaytranada instrumental. The issue was, I didn't know where to go. I put it on the back burner...and then..some time went by and I find out that Kay and Aminé teamed up for a collaboration album; self-entitled: "KAYTRAMINÉ". Aminé is cold in so many ways. For me, I think his voice and the way is vocals come out to crispy clean get me each time. One of my favorite tracks he did was "Invincible" for the "Into the Spiderverse" Soundtrack. When that song comes on, and I am actively listening...I get goosebumps and teary eyed as f*ck. Needless to say, a full album by him and Kay had me amped. Even the first track "Who He Iz" comes in hot. Kay's production is so catchy, but makes you move, but is always f*cking weird...idk how to describe it. I just know I love it. "letstalkaboutit" is another one that I had on repeat...lets see; here is the last of my favs: "Westside", "Master P", "UGH UGH", and of course "Rebuke". I think "Rebuke" stuck with me due to its lightness. I originally had been in a place (while writing #32weeksMixtape) where I wanted to write more about my wife and I's relationship. That verse ended up in week 17: "Don't Let The Devil". The original opening lines to "Rebuke" were "Giving up? I refuse/I'm not enough? I rebuke/Letting in those types of thoughts will only sink the cruise". I go on a run about the Rugrats movie, Tom(Tommy) Crusie/Nicole Kidman and religion...and then compare our relationship to Bey and Jay....Then something at work or life in general wasn't moving as planned and I really needed to talk to my homies. I outline in the description of "Rebuke | remix" video how for a week no one I contacted picked up, called back, or responded to my texts. I know that seems dramatic, but literally I took that feeling and began writing what now is Week 27; "I been trying to keep a plus sign, but these minuses keep adding up..." Side note: During the process of recording #32weeksMixtape I did have strep. I want to say that's when this verse was written. You can hear the strain/change in my voice on week 20: "RUN | remix". This verse was so much fun. The singing of "f*ck you" just has so much power in it lol. Anyway I hope you enjoy! I hope that the video gets remixed and memed up.

28. Wings x Mac Miller

Before I starting typing this week's blog post, I wanted to go back and revisit week 9's post first. Week 9's message, the song and the post, are fairly identical to this one. At this point you should know I am a big fan of Mac's and still bump is music on a healthy rotation. I mentioned before that "Faces" was very cringy for me but has become sort of a pacifier for my panic attacks of being overwhelmed in this process; seemingly not receiving any recognition for the work/effort/time/vulnerability I put in this project. The intro to "It just doesn't Matter", which is Bill Murray's monologue from the movie Meatballs, makes be tear up each time. The idea that I can do all this work and possibly reach that level of satisfaction I have been searching for (finding financial freedom from the music I create), or remain a broke artist that no one cares about...doesn't even matter. It really has become my mantra when I feel myself judging myself for not getting enough likes/listens/views/f*cking attention for a post or track! "Cato," I tell myself, "none of this sh*t matters anyway!". I then... and please understand this literally happened on the day I released week 28(1/18/24)...write a post on here reminding myself that I am my favorite rapper and that is a huge accomplishment. I then threw on my visuals on my tv and watch the beautiful work I had took time to create. I cried...like ugly cried. But it felt so good to remember what I have done so far. Today(1/19/24), sitting in my car before walking into work, I record a message reminding *myself* that I am dope, and that the validation is from within, not external (added to the aforementioned post). Y'all, I had to release that negative burden! Let me tell you why. Again, 28 was written to remind the homies that them not helping me out/supporting(which is all perceived through my own perspective making this feeling a distorted thought; who knows how they were actually supporting/helping me?) and that I was at the point to say "If you don't/won't/can't be here with me, for whatever reason...i am ok with it. I won't push you, I won't argue, I won't beg. Like I get it, you have other priorities." Soooo...as you recall, week 9 drops, and leading up to that release P passes. I had agreed to continue my project because I know he would appreciate the work. P understood my craft, he knew how dope of a writer I am, just like I know how dope he is. I made it a mission that when I hit week 28, I would dedicate to him. It only makes sense because once he died, that mf song sounded like I wrote it on his personal behalf. So with all that mind, I used as much footage as I could find/that I had/and others sent me. I f*cking cry while putting it all together. I post it, and...wow, crickets! I felt like on social media especially, I wasn't getting any digital love. I thought for sure that this video and subsequent snippets, because of its sentiment would at at least attract more attention because his family and friends would want to see it...right? 🤷🏾‍♂️ At this moment, I was wrong. So back to "It just doesn't matter". I froze in my tracks(1/18/24) and remembered that my brother appreciates this and that's who it was made for. That's when I re-watched my prior videos, starting with week 28. I can get swept up in the addictive feeling of being validated through social media just like the next person. Today, I know to feel what I need to, but then get my ego/pride/self out of the way. I told myself I will not drop another teaser for this video....at least for awhile, so that I can be sure my selfishness of wanting to be recognized as an artist doesn't take away from the fact that a man has died and his family/friends will never be the same. P, I love you. I'm sorry that my hat didn't come soon enough for me to wear it at your ceremony like we talked about. I wore it in the video for you. ~LLP🕊💙💙

29. 2010 x Earl Sweatshirt

So, spoiler alert (not really) I am fairly new to Earl. I never got on board with Odd Future back in the day. I didn't understand the vibe, and felt they were too weird. So far, I regret that narrow-mindedness because I mess with Tyler for real now, and I have (listened to The Internet, Steve Lacy, and Frank Ocean) and realized I missed an era. &lt;;<I just watched "Oldie" and now I get it. That last verse sums it up>> Either way, my intro to Earl I believe came from Mac Miller's Watching Movies. Earl is featured on "I'm Not Real"(one of my favs from that album). I then heard "Wool" I think slide across my Spotify when I had Vince Staples on random. For some reason Earl's line about " Fifties in my pocket falling out like fucking baby teeth..." had me hooked. Earl's feature on Faces: New Faces v2 is what really had me feeling like I needed to check him out seriously. The homie Brandon was also invested in my Earl education. I believe that during the #32weeksMixtape writing era, I did actually vibe through "Sick!". I don't think I had any issues with it. Earl's flow is so strange to me. It lowkey reminds me how Nas' skills are. You think they are going to rhyme a certain way, but then the bar is syncopated, or the rhyme/word you thought they would use doesn't come immediately, or at all! Earl even has this, almost slur type of delivery that I did have to get accustomed too. I got into Frank Ocean about a year and a half ago (I know...leave me alone) and that was hugely due to Dissect Podcast that I have mentioned before. Anyway, the host goes into detail about Earl's perfectly delivered verse on "Super Rich Kids". This was another reminder that I needed to check him out. Back to Sick!, On the Podcast...I can't remember which episode, it could be in the Mac Miller (s9) when they breakdown "2009". They tell the listeners that Earl and other friends of Mac's had made songs in the same manner as 2009. Earl's was 2010. SICK! by itself is fire but given the reason behind the track, and the challenge of attempting to rhyme on a weird Earl beat fired me up to write to 2010. This one is special to me, and I know I say that about all the songs on 32weeks, but this was another one I played for Paris that last day I saw him. He was f*cking with it. I had fun coming up with the string of metaphors...and my favorite one is the lines about going to outer space. I start it off with "on a rocket ship.." heading to build a colony...which is my way of saying B.L.A.M.E. will be what I said it would be. I then relay that to setting a table and even though you may not be here with me right now, it's ok if you join later..."I will save some space for you..." This line really is for Tyson. He really doesn't/didn't believe after all the times I told him, I want him apart of the movement. Take ya time, I have a place for you, and a plate for you [at the table]. "Imma add another leaf[as in add another section to the table to extend/make it longer], to make room for some New Faces. Cause back in '09..." This is what makes love this track. I tie in Mac's New Faces v2 from his Album Faces...which of course features Earl...but I also bring up 09...which is from Mac's Swimming which is why 2010 was inspired...you see the layers...but also notice that in Earl's 2010, and Mac's 2009, they are reflecting on how life wasn't as great, it was darkness before the light and the same relates to me. I was arrested in 2008, and due to how it went down, I was banned from school campus and activities. I couldn't attend my prom or my graduation. So taking all of that frustration and using it to move forward is a form of strength to me. Anyway I hope you enjoy the track and visuals.

30. ADHD x Joyner Lucas

Ok first off, It's been a hell of a week. I have literally felt like sh*t since dropping week29. Like all the symptoms that I list in the song hit me like that morning! Like n*gga, I was sick on my mf day off! On top of that, I am writing this on a Saturday afternoon vs my Friday evening because my younger son also got sick. I express on week 24 how Elijah is energetic af. He never stops moving. When he gets sick though, he is still as a rock, and it f*cking breaks my heart. I hate when anyone in my house gets ill, but Elijah with no energy is just depressing. Today(this morning), my elementary school's basketball team I was coaching, season ended. We made it to the 2nd game of the tournament but didn't win and couldn't move forward. We ended the season with 3W-4L. I really hoped they would push all the way to the championship...there is always next year. Lastly, I have been meaning to find a way to work in updates about weight....I know "Cato why tf would we want to know that??". Truly it's for documentary purposes. I believe I already shared that #32weeksMixtape is just a leg of the process. Next project with 32weeks is the book. Everything that happened in these 32weeks is up to be discussed, my weight included. Around September, I noticed that my weight was going up...slowly but increasing nonetheless. I usually hang around 215lbs as my baseline. My true goal weight is 200lbs(which, may be impossible lol but I refuse to quit). The closet I have gotten to that goal was 207lbs. As we rolled through 2023's cold season holidays, I realized my workout regiment wasn't as consistent and I wasn't giving my all when I did workout. I definitely wasn't getting enough sleep, and my eating/snacking was out of balance. By 1/1/24, I was up to 233lbs. That's a big jump in a small amount of time. I started freaking out the first week of the new year, but then I reminded myself, "We have done this before!" I have. I started to chill with the snacks, getting back to upping my water intake, lowkey ate an apple every morning, and a granola bar for breakfast/morning snack, and have been packing my lunch with filling but low cal foods (i.e. homecooked leftovers(that hasn't changed), carrots + mini naan breads with hummus(delish), and a smaller portion of my salty bbq chips with a fruit cup/applesauce. Today, 2/3/24, I am at 223lbs! Yeah, that's right, I am down 10lbs. The last change I did was actually weighing myself each morning, and recording it. Tracking my weight is like a reminder, "Bro, we have a goal, lets not deviate."

----Ok now back to the music! This song was written when I didn't know what to write. I had already mentioned that in week 25, Joyner's ADHD album is filled with bangers. This one, just had the vibe that pulled me in. The singing I do at the beginning, "I think my pen is like eyes..." wow! That was what came to me quickly. I know I had to use it. I really did shed tears while writing alot of these songs, and the idea like Jay's "Song Cry", where he is telling you he can't see himself crying, so he has to make the song cry for him, is the premise. In the visuals I utilize Master Jiraiya because he is a renowned legendary ninja, who plays a significant role in inspiring his village and his mentee. In the end he writes his last message which is a warning for his village. That to me had me tears. RIP Master Jiraiya. I start the verse by saying, "Maybe it's my nerves, wrapping up these verses. The most I've ever written. Lately, feeling more coerced." This is truly how I felt. I felt like I had given all that I had, and that at this point I am pushing out bullsh*t. But nevertheless, the process is the process. There is a hint about my album to come in the song, "I been talking about magic, alchemy, and how I've changed, love is magic, making gold bars outta spare change". The album is inspired by my favorite novel, but I use the concept to show that we can change our world/life with love and introspection...among other things. The string of lines where I say I'm not trying to make a hit....everything in those lines tell you that type of artist I want to be to you. Allow me to be the soundtrack that drives you. Lastly, I want to end this post with a shout out to Joyner. I still don't know how involved he is with his visuals, but they are so cool. Check out his video for ADHD, and then look at how they made that sh*t. I respect Joyner's hustle out here. To the person reading this right now, I hope you know that you are loved, and I hope you never give up, no matter what your goal is!

31. LOVEHAPPY x The Carters (Beyoncé + Jay Z)

Man...we are one away from being all done! Ok so how to describe what is going on in this song. 🤔Well, let's start with the concept. First off, this truly was the last verse written. I was thinking and reflecting on what instrumental to use. I was playing with some ideas like; Rich Flex x Drake & 21 Savage, Crazy Mood x Grind2Hard Osh'a, East Point Prayer x Vince Staples, like 3 tracks off of 'Kids See Ghosts', and Dreaming of the Past x Pusha T. But then something crazy happened. Just as the week 31's verse says, I was meeting with Tyson. It was a long drive to him but it was worth it. I was able to see his face, chit chat, share some of the new tunes (esp the last track/32). We were discussing the importance of connecting with people and having accountability for what we do. We talked about goals, and the project. I leave, and literally about 1 exit away from home I change the song on my phone(it was clicked into the phone holder on the dashboard). I look up, my exit is coming up and I was about to miss it. Had I been thinking, I would have stayed on the highway and turned around hopping back on the highway at the next exit.---Mind you, there had been a lot of construction on this portion of the highway and so there were a lot of those tall/skinny orange/reflective white cones lining the road. I swerve to make my exit. I turned too hard, and then overcorrected hitting one of those cones. It caused my driver side mirror to close into the the driver's window. The mirror shattered, the casing broke, and there was other slight damage.

The first thing I want to say is I am grateful that I didn't roll the vehicle, hit another vehicle, or injure myself. Here's the sad part that just shows how ridiculous my thinking was. Erin had been reminding me over and over for weeks to stop engaging with my phone while driving. I ignored her warnings. This happens, and I began to freak out. I don't want to let her down, but what I do next was a lame a** move. I began looking up estimates to fix the mirror...because we were supposed to take my car to Chicago for a couples getaway and to see Beyoncé live in concert(Renaissance World tour) like within the next 3 weeks. During my freak out I call her to see where she is. She says she isn't that far. I know that I was supposed to make dinner. I realized that some of the ingredients I needed, weren't in the pantry. I ask her if she could stop and grab some black beans. *I know stupid and hella manipulative*. She denies and tells me to pivot to a different meal. I couldn't tell you what I ended up making. I should have told her right then what happened...but I didn't. Fast-forward, she gets to the house and immediately begins asking what happened. I tell her then and that's how the final verse was thought up. We had a long talk about other areas I was slacking in around the house. The reason was mostly because I was deep in writing, recording, and building the concept of #32weeksMixtape.

I am so grateful that I was able to find a damn near matching full mirror and casing for under $100(and that's with the express shipping), grateful that Big Bro Dave was able to install it for me, and especially grateful that Erin still saw my heart. The line about her saying she would leave me is true. It would either be from me not listening to her(as in taking her warnings for me/her/our safety serious) or for constantly making expensive mistakes that lowkey re-traumatize her. With all the other references to us being like The Carters(week 17 for instance) I knew this verse would be written to a "EVERYTHING IS LOVE" song. There were a few contenders: "SUMMER", "BOSS", "FRIENDS", and "713". I love them all, but the way Jay Z is still lamenting about his mistakes, and tells how he had to make things right, plus the tempo and style of "LOVEHAPPY" had my brain spilling out the lyrics. My favorite lines are the quotes. Those were my takeaways; Listen and apply, just communicate when sh*t happens, make better choices or lose it all(my family or my actual life), and family comes first. I hope you don't make silly, careless, and dangerous choices like I did. I pray that you take care of yourself and live your life fully with a person whom you call your soulmate and the you experience LOVEHAPPYness. If no has told you today, I love you, and always will. Thank you for taking the time to read this. 💙💙💙