#she didn’t even consider it was affecting his mental health

[clegfly]

BEHJEIENSJS… yeah this is getting REALLY fucked now

V0hBVCBIQVZFIEkgRE9ORSBXSEFUIEhBVkUgSSBET05FIFdIQVQgSEFWRSBJIERPTkUgV0hBVCBIQVZFIEkgRE9ORSBXSEFUIEhBVkUgSSBET05F

[slutofpsh]

f1 racer | psh

part two

pairings: park sunghoon

synopsis: f1 racer park sunghoon is the ace of their team until he got into a terrible accident causing of his sudden hiatus. the incident injured his shoulder and affected his mental health. you are hired by his mother to help him get through this tough times as you are one of the best psychiatrist in town. he hated the idea of being vulnerable so instinctively, he hates you. he hates how you try to get into his head for him to open up and he hates his parents for meddling with his life like he’s a kid. but he couldn’t deny that you are exceptionally beautiful and he can’t help his cock from twitching just by imagining pushing you down on your office table, fucking you deep and hard until you can’t think straight anymore.

wc: 15k

warnings: mdni. smut with slight plot, lots of dirty talking, degrading, corruption kink, p into v raw (please always use protection), dom sunghoon, slight rough sex, reader experiencing sexual harassment. IF YOU DON’T LIKE ANY OF THIS PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SCROLL AWAY.

note: i have no right and enough knowledge with medical terms so disregard my claims as it came from my imagination to fit my plot. i’m new with writing smuts so please don’t give rude comments. i am still learning. also please send me asks and reblog my work. it will help a lot. thank you so much!

slutofpsh 2024 © all rights reserved.

After how Sunghoon dismissed you, you didn’t expect him to reach out first. You can still remember the bitter feeling that poisoned your whole system while you’re taking a bath that day. The pain between your legs was incomparable from how your heart was aching that time.

His cold tone and how he asked you to leave right after kept flashing back to your mind. It was such an awful experience. A part of you gets pissed at him for acting like a jerk after taking your v card, but you also know that maybe you caught him off-guard as well. Besides, it was your decision to give yourself to him that day.

It’s honestly making you feel frustrated. Were you crossing the line when you suddenly asked that question? Now you are certain that his ex-girlfriend has something to do with it. Your chest tightens just by thinking about it. He’s still very affected by her. There’s a big possibility that he still have feelings for her.

You threw your head back and stared at your ceiling. This isn’t how it suppose to be. You should be focusing on your work and not worrying about an F1 racer who probably don’t give a care about you.

The wall clock caught your eye and suddenly realized that it will soon be his session for today. Since its wednesday, he will be the one coming at your office. It makes you hopeful and you’re already rehearsing what to tell him the moment he walks in.

You wanted to apologize for suddenly dropping that question out of nowhere without even considering if he’s mentally prepared for it.

Your thoughts are interrupted when your phone chimed.

Sunghoon: I won’t be coming today.

Oh.

Your mind went blank right after receiving that message. All the words you tried to compose and prepare the moment you come face to face with him became useless. You can’t help but to feel a little disappointed and upset about it. He’s obviously trying to avoid you and it hurts just by thinking about it.

The amount of efforts and time you exerted just to be close with him seems to be put into waste when he’s pushing you away like this.

Was it really about the professional reason why you’re hurting? Or was it your heart cracking because of him? Eitherway, you don’t like the feeling of it.

Since Sunghoon is the last patient scheduled for today, you informed your secretary that he’s not coming. Although a little confused, she asked if you need something else or if there’s any patients left that you’re expecting to arrive.

You told her that she can wrap up and go home early today as that’s what you’re about to do. This thing going on between you and the f1 racer sure is draining all of you. You just want to be inside a bathtub, soaked in hot water and having a bottle of wine.

Yeah, that’s right. That could totally help with your mood.

A knock from your office door snapped you back to reality. It slowly opened revealing Hana whose now flashing you a small smile. It didn’t slipped from your friend how you’ve been gloomy these days. She took notice how you’re not mentioning the famous f1 racer as well, assuming that he has something to do with your foul mood.

“Hi,” she greets and you tried so hard to flash her a smile.

“Hello. I thought your sessions are done already? What are you doing here?”

She pursed her lips and walked inside. “I was thinking if you’d want to spend time with me? Your secretary said you’re out early today.”

Your eyes almost watered because of what she said. Hana completely understands you despite your resistance of oversharing informations regarding Park Sunghoon. She understands how you're always been a little private with your personal life.

As a friend, all she can do for you is accompany you whenever you need someone to be there by your side.

The two of you planned to stay in her expensive crib that she’s very proud of. Actually, you really like her apartment since its very pretty and cozy. There’s some vibes in it that you cannot explain.

After stopping to get some snacks, you head over her place. She was continuously talking about this one hot client of her. Obviously, she likes him but gets defensive that she just really finds him hot.

“So...” your head snaps at her direction when she suddenly halt her words like as if she’s waiting for you to look.

You got lost in time and have no idea for how long have you two been sitting outside her balcony talking about random things.

“Hmm?” you hummed, asking her what she wants to say.

She bit her lower lip, contemplating whether to go for it or stop being nosy. After ending the debate with her inner self, she sighs heavily and sets down her glass of wine to fully focus on you.

“What’s up with the F1 racer? He skipped today. That’s new.” she finally dropped the bomb.

You were kind of expecting it, but to actually be asked about it still caught you dumbfounded. You don’t know the exact words to use in order to explain what happened on your last session.

Surely you cannot mention what the director did to you and you’re too embarrassed to tell her he just pop your cherry.

“Maybe he just don’t feel like seeing me today.” the pain in your eyes didn’t slip from her. Hana may not always hear you rant things towards her, but she knew whenever you’re not okay.

She pursed her lips and reaches for your free hand to hold it. “When did he ever feel that way? As far as I remember, Park Sunghoon is totally so into you.” and even winked at you to make you feel better or at least laugh.

“I think I made him mad.” tears fills your eyes to the brim that made her go slightly alarmed.

“Why? What happened?” she gently grabs the glass of wine from you to avoid spilling any of its content.

“I asked him about his ex and after that he started acting cold. Maybe...” your words halt and emotions oozes from your eyes. Hana can see how worried and scared you are by your own thoughts. She felt so bad.

“...maybe he still loves her? What about me, then? What am I to him, Hana?” and tears started to flow out from your eyes, your cries filled his balcony as she tugs you closer to her.

Hana never saw you like this. Crying over something. You always have a strong impression towards her. The type of person who handle things like a boss. Very workaholic and once you set your focus onto something, you will, in no doubt, get it.

And so to see you like this caught her off-guard. She doesn’t know what to do or how to properly comfort you, but of course she tried. She caress your arms as she embraces you, calming you down. She lets you have your moment to let it all out as she assumed you’ve been keeping it in.

“I t-think I fell in love with him, Hana. And I’m so scared because I’ve never felt this way and to think he still loves...” you couldn’t finish your own words as you started crying hard. Hana shakes her head side by side in disapproval, eyes starting to water as well.

“I’m sure he doesn’t love her anymore, y/n. Don’t think it that way, okay?” she cupped your face to make you look at her eyes.

“Just give him time to process his own emotions. He went over through hard times that makes it a little harder for him to decide about things, yeah? Maybe you just caught him off-guard as well.”

Your lips pursed into a pout and realized she had a point. Sunghoon’s going through something. Your priority should be to make him feel better and not confront him about his feelings for you.

You nodded your head and slowly rest your head at her shoulder, cuddling closer. She wraps her arms around your shoulder to pull you closer to her body. She sighs and you felt so much better letting your worries out. Like a big chunk of emotions been lifted off from your chest that made your breathing more stable, your way of thinking became much better as well.

Like what Hana said, you gave him time to settle his own thoughts. Thursday came and you didn’t bothered sending a text message for him as well. You tried hard to divert your attention towards some other things. Thankfully, you’ve managed to do that.

Friday came and you’re very much nervous to go on your day. It was suppose to be your day off from the hospital and Sunghoon’s the only client you have for the day but Hana called you early in the morning.

“Can you please take over my session this morning? It will be just quick I promise! It slipped off from my mind that I have that scheduled today and I already booked my flight to Hawaii.”

Your brows furrowed as you put your coffee to the machine, one hand resting at your hip.

“Hawaii? Suddenly? Why haven’t I heard about this plan?”

Of course you can fill her spot for today. You’ve done it for other people before, there’s no reason for you to decline her offer as well.

She giggles, “I didn’t invite you because I know you won’t come anyway since you’re saving up! This is so sudden too! My mom asked me to tag along their trip and since the director will be out of the country for almost two months, I figured I should go to a vacation as much as I can!”

This time you’re even more intrigued of what you heard. You leaned over the kitchen counter and lift your hand to nibble on your nails.

“T-The director will be gone for almost two months?” you asked, baffled.

“Yes! Haven’t you heard about it? Anyway, you should get more rest now that he’s not around! I know how much you want to earn more, but please have some fun as well. We’ll plan a trip for the two of us once I’m back!” she kept going on that slowly became muffled by your own thoughts.

The amount of relief that dawned you after hearing the news of the director being not around was being overwhelming for you. To think that you don’t have to feel anxious of bumping over that monster relieved you.

“I will buy you something from her as a thank you gift of taking over this client for me!” Hana snapped you back to reality.

You giggled and glanced over the machine when it made a sound, indicating that your coffee is now ready.

“Okay, have fun with your mom.” and then the two of you decided to end the call.

After you get ready for your day, you drove straight to the hospital and met with Hana’s client. Like she said it was just a short consultation and nothing heavy. An hour and a half passes by so fast. Your secretary ringed your intercom to let you know its over.

You guided the client out to the door and tell her she did well for today. She seemed very satisfied with your session and thanked you. A smile is what you responded her before bidding goodbyes with her.

Now, you started preparing yourself to leave and go straight to Sunghoon’s place. Your heart started thumping just by the thought of that man. He didn’t send any messages yet that tells you not to come so you’re somehow hoping he’s expecting to meet you today. I mean, he cannot avoid you forever right?

Eitherway, you already set your mind to go and check him yourself. You wanted to convince yourself that you just want to do your job properly, but you know that you’re doing that fot personal reasons. That you want to come and see him because you missed him so bad.

You heard your office door opens that slightly made you jolt. Thinking it was your secretary, you didn’t bother to look over and check. You just continued fixing your things so you can leave.

“You can leave after I finish here, (name). That’s the only client I’ll be meeting here on the office for today since I will go to the Parks to meet with Mr. Park Sunghoon.” you tried to inform her.

You heard the door closed so you assumed she’s inside. Finding it odd not receiving any responses from her, you decided to turn around to look and you almost drop your car keys at the sight of Park Sunghoon by the door.

He looked so good as usual. His slightly long hair brushed perfectly as he rocks his semi formal attire, one hand inside his pocket. He stares right at your eyes that made your knees instantly weak.

“M-Mr. Park.” you stutter.

He pursed his lips and sighs heavily. He may seem like he’s calm, but Sunghoon’s very nervous right now. He took all of his courage to come here and see you. He knew what he did last time was wrong and he can’t find the will to meet you. Not after treating you that bad. He figured you may hate him now. But damn, he misses you so much. He missed you so bad that he might go crazy if he didn’t come and see you.

He didn’t say anything and started walked towards your direction. You held on your table for support as you can feel your knees getting even weaker as he approach closer. Seeing him again after days of being away from each other just made it even more emotional.

“W-What are you doing here? I was just about to go and meet you—” your words cut as he clash his lips on your shaking lips. He placed his hands on your hips, making sure you won’t fell.

You moaned, eyes getting teary of being overwhelmed. You felt his kisses, his touch and his warmth.

After the heated kiss and when he realized you two needed air, he pulls away. He kept his eyes straight at yours, letting your foreheads touch each other.

“I’m sorry for how I acted the last time. It was such a jerk move.” he whispered sincerely that tugs your heart.

You pout and raised your arms to wrap it over his neck.

“It’s fine. I understand that maybe I went overboard. I shouldn’t have let my personal emotions take over me.”

He licked his lips, taking a short glance at your slightly swollen lips. He was tempted once again after having a taste of something he’s been craving for a while. He sighs, calming himself down. This isn’t about him.

“Let me make it up to you.” and he leans even closer, tugging your body closer to his. His lips dangerously inches away from yours.

A small smile spreads across your face.

“You don’t have to, Hoon.”

He leans and placed a peck on your lips. “I want to. Will you let me take you out on a date tonight?”

Your mouth gapped in surprise. “A date?” you repeat his words, bewildered.

He nods his head, trapping his lower lip over his teeth. Sunghoon pressed his body towards you that made you giggle.

“But we already skipped two of our sessions.” you reminded him. As expected, he seemed totally unbothered.

“Then this will be the third time.” he smirks and arched his brow. “Please?”

You stared straight to his eyes and eventually surrenders.

“Okay.” you agreed that made him smile wider.

“Thank you.” he says and leans for another kiss. You giggled returning his affection and letting yourself be drowned by his kisses. His hand playfully roams around your whole body like claiming his territory.

“I have something for you.” he mumbles after leaning away. You can see how his eyes are starting to be clouded by lust and longing.

It stirs excitement inside you. Just having him this close again and staring at you this way makes your core hot and wet. The way he affects you is crazy. Its even crazier because you know he’s the only one that can make you feel this way.

“What is it?”

A mischievous grin spread across his handsome face before he lets one of his hand go from your hips to slid inside his pocket. Your eyes looked curiously to what he’s trying to get.

He fished out something and you can see its color pink. Your brows furrowed in confusion as to what is that thing. It seems soft and like a toy. Your hand unclasped from him to try and hold the thing he was holding.

“What’s that?” you asked too innocently that made Sunghoon almost go feral. Just the genuine look of innocence in your eyes were enough to make him lose his mind. He thought that during the times he was with you and with all the things you two had done together, he might have corrupted you enough.

But it seems like he was wrong. He hasn’t corrupted you enough for you to know that what he’s holding right now is a small vibrator.

He gulped, trying to calm himself and his dick.

“A vibrator.” he announced that made you instantly blush.

“W-What...” you are unable to ask further question as he moved quickly to carry you and make you sit at your office table.

“Hoon, wait what are you gonna do?”

He smiles, “We’re going to have some fun, baby.” and he placed a kiss at your cheeks.

His hand reaches for your thighs and he spread it enough. You’re about to protest and ask more, but he quickly kisses you to distract you from what he’s about to do. His hand made its way inside your skirt and searches for your underwear.

You moaned and tried to pull away, but his lips just chases yours. He eventually managed to take off your underwear, his bare fingers touching your wet core.

“Ugh,” you moaned sensually.

“Already so wet for me?” he smirks so proudly that made you feel so flushed.

He raised his other hand that was holding the vibrator and placed it near your mouth.

“Coat it with your saliva, baby. So it will go in smoothly.” he instructed, eyes flickering with so much excitement.

You obliges and opens your mouth. Sunghoon stares as he dips the vibrator inside your mouth, your tongue twirling around to make sure every part is fully coated of your sweet saliva.

“Fuck, you look so hot.” he mumbles and pressed his lips at your cheeks before gently pulling it out from your lips, making an unintentional ‘plop’ sound.

Your heads stared down while he placed it at your entrance. It was wet and full of your juice already so it slid easier. You kind of felt the stretch but it was a good one. The kind you’ve missed for a while.

“How does that feel?” he asks carefully as he lifts his gaze to look at your half-lidded eyes.

You gulped, salivating a bit due to pleasure of having something inside you.

“G-Good.”

He nods and grabs this one small device. Your mind is pretty clouded and occupied by that small toy inside of you that you didn’t realized that in order for it to be called vibrator, it needs to vibrate. And that will only happen using that controller Sunghoon’s holding at the moment.

“Okay, let’s start it with the mildest intensity.” he says softly near your ears and pressed something.

You jolt at the sensation it was giving you, a hand grabbing him by his arm. “Oh my gosh,” you mumbled surprised.

He chuckles, “How does that feel, pretty? Much better?”

He leans his forehead to yours as you nod your head slowly. It was a foreign feeling, but it was good. Really really good.

“I think we can put it higher.” he didn’t even wait for what you’re opinion about it and raises the intensity making you open your mouth. Your eyes shut abruptly and the grip over his arms tightened.

“W-Wait, this is too much...” you mumbles feeling everything in you just vibrates and shaking along with this small device.

Your mind are slowly becoming blank and filled with nothing but lust. The vibration is so perfect and the way Sunghoon showers you with kisses makes it even better. He kisses, sucks your skin and sometimes bite you using his canine teeth, making sure he mark you pretty well.

“I’m c-coming,” your words snapped Sunghoon out from his trance as he pulls away and manipulated the controller to make it feel better for you.

As you came, your body loses it strength but thankfully Sunghoon was there to support you, wrapping his arm around your waist. He placed a kiss on your shoulder then at your temple, whispering praises.

“You did so well for me, baby.” he kisses you again at your lips then flashes you a sweet smile.

You smiled and leaned to give him a kiss too. You’re still high from your orgasm that you couldn’t say anything to him. After he pulls away, your eyes watch how he slid your underwear inside his pocket. His eyes are darted at yours when you lift your gaze up to look at him.

He smirks shamelessly, unbothered that he was caught red handed of pocketing your underwear without consent.

“Hey, I can’t go eat dinner without it.” you pout.

He chuckles, “Oh, you can do it. Besides you have that inside you to keep your cum inside.” he smirks that made your eyes grow big.

“What do you mean?”

He fixes your hair, “Am I going to have this inside me while we eat outside?”

He smirks, already giving you the answer.

“Yes. We’re going to have so much fun tonight.” and with that you are left with no choice but to go out on a date with a freaking vibrator inside of you.

You don’t know how exactly you look, but you bet it was awkward. The way you kept moving around, squirming out of discomfort is quite noticeable. You’re inside the elevator and thankfully it was just the two of you heading down at the underground parking lot of the hospital.

Sunghoon chuckles and held your hips tighter, holding your position.

“Stop moving around.”

You grunted, “It feels uncomfy. I feel like my cum will drip out from it.”

He leaned down, lips touching your ears as he whispers, “I bet not. Your pussy is so tight it left no gap for the vibrator.” his raspy voice rings through your ears that made you shiver.

When you arrived at the parking lot, Sunghoon guided you somewhere. It was a black rang rover and a man went out from it then wait patiently until you two came near the vehicle.

You gave him an awkward smile as you still feel bothered by that thing you’ve been keeping between your legs. He bows slightly.

“Let’s go to the restaurant.” Sunghoon says firmly and opened the door for you.

So this is his driver. You’ve been informed by his parents that ever since the incident, he refused to drive. Whenever he have to go see you at your office during wednesdays, he have his own driver to accompany him.

Sunghoon sat beside you and tugs you closer to him while his driver started driving. You felt conscious now that you have another person around you, but it doesn’t seem like the same way for him. Since his touches became more bold.

You gave him a warning look and held his wrist tightly to prevent his hand from entering your skirt completely. His hand was just chilling at your thigh a while ago, and now its slowly moving upwards.

“I just want to check if its still there.” he reasoned out with a grin on his face.

You rolled your eyes at him, “Like it can get out by itself, huh? Of course its still there.” you tried hard to whisper so his driver won’t hear any of this wild things you two had been doing.

He pouts mockingly, “I want to check it myself.” and tugs his arm away to unclasp your hold before he dips his hand further inside your skirt.

You pressed your lips together to prevent any moans from coming out and just lets him do what he wants. This is why you think its dangerous for you to hang around Park Sunghoon often. Because you are too weak for him and you always ends up letting him have his way.

When his fingers touch your core, he graze it gently on your slit and smirk grew wider at the feeling of your cunt being filled. He pulls right after plopping his slightly wet digits inside his mouth to lick it clean. He does all of that while staring shamelessly to your eyes.

The drive towards the restaurant was surprisingly short or he just really kept you occupied the whole ride. It was a fine dinning and thankfully, you dressed pretty appropriately for its aura.

The two of you entered while holding each others hands. Just by the entrance, you can see heads whips towards your direction probably intrigued to see the famous F1 racer out in the open once again. Not to mention that he’s being accompanied by someone unfamiliar to the public.

It made you conscious and a little bit anxious. The feeling of the vibrator inside you isn’t helping as well. Sunghoon did turn it off as you begged him to as you get off from the vehicle. He said that he will allow it only because you behaved and asked nicely.

“Reservation under my name.” Sunghoon tugs you closer to him, hand resting over your waist.

Sunghoon hates the attention he’s having the moment he step foot inside this place, but he thinks he hates the attention that you are gathering even more. More than once he caught a male looking at you like a hungry animal. He fucking hates it. How dare them look at you for more than five seconds? You are his to look at, to admire, to kiss, to claim and to fuck.

“This way, Sir.” the waiter smiles and guidee you inside.

The whole ambiance of the place was romantic and classy. The type of restaurants you see in movies where the people dressed extra nicely to fit the vibe of the place. It was just perfect, if only that thing was not making you feel uncomfy.

Sunghoon beats the waiter to pull a chair for you and you smiled at him. He kissed your hand before sitting at the chair across. He smirks while watching you trying to get comfortable on your seat.

“You good, baby?” he asks meaningfully as the waiter comes back for the menu, handing one each to the two of you.

“Y-Yeah,” and glared at him slightly before trying to look over the food they’re serving.

You’re just in the middle of trying to find something you like to eat when you jolt in surprise. Your eyes instantly darted at Sunghoon, glaring at him. He’s eyes are fixed on the menu while a big evil grin occupies his sexy lips.

He just turned the vibrator on, catching you off-guard and jolt on your seat. The waiter took notice of your sudden discomfort.

“Are you okay, Ma’am?” he asked, very worried.

You flash him a quick smile and pursed your lips tightly right after as the intensity gets higher.

“I’m fine— Ugh,” you groaned and lowered your head in embarrassment. You pressed your legs together, but it just became more intense that way.

“Are you sure? We can—”

“She said she’s fine.” Sunghoon’s strict tone interrups the waiter’s concerned remarks. You glanced at him and you can see him shooting glares at him.

You bit your lower lip and tried hard to control your body from shaking obviously. Its making your head fuzzy and the pleasure clouding your mind. Sunghoon clicks his tongue and proceeds on saying his order.

As he pressed the controlled on its max intensity, the satisfied grin spreads across his face seeing how you reacts. Just seeing how hard you try to control your expression and actions to not fully give into pleasure makes him slightly proud. He kind of wants you to make a mess tho, he’s not going to lie.

“I will order for her too. Is that all right, baby?” he even reaches for your hand that was resting by the table.

You nod your head eagerly, trying to focus on reaching yet another delicious orgasm. Right at this moment, you don’t care if the waiter notices how your legs are shaking or your face too flush from pleasure. All you can think of is to cum hard right there and then.

After the waiter gets your order, he excuses himself and informed you that your order will be ready after ten minutes. The moment he turns around to leave, your legs shakes reaching your climax.

Sunghoon smirks as he watch you slowly going back to your right mind space. With glares shooting straight at him you grit your teeth.

“Why w-would you do that?!”

He smirks, totally not regretful.

“I hate it when men flocks to impress you.”

You furrowed your brows hardly, still high from the orgasm you just had.

“He was just doing his job.”

He tilts his head, unimpressed. “Well I am just doing mine too.”

“What do you mean?”

“Marking what’s mine.” he said that seriously that it made you blush so hard.

Your heart thumped faster and harder that you almost got scared that it will come out from your ribcage. These are his actions that made you confuse if he have feelings for you or not. He’s not saying anything.

He asked something else afterwards to maybe ease the atmosphere. He’s still the Sunghoon who loves to tease you which somehow comforts you. Last time you’ve seen him, you asked him something personal and you got scared it made him cave in his shell once again.

Like what the waiter said, the food will be available after ten minutes. They served it and you two continued eating and talking. It was fun and you cannot believe you are having a date with Park Sunghoon.

You’re just worrying and overthinking about him last Wednesday night. You sure cannot predict what’s about to happen.

After your perfect meal, you’re trying to enjoy the dessert that he ordered for you when naughty Sunghoon once again tries to attack. Your head shakes side by side to stop him, but he was already grinning at you.

He pressed the controller making you jolt.

“H-Hoon,” you moaned.

“Yes, baby?” concern and teasing plays through his tone.

You pursed your lips. “Enough p-please.”

He pout his pinkish lips, “How can I stop when you look so good like that? Such a slut for me.” he says licking his lips while grinning widely.

The sensual look on your face and the way you fight it just so nobody notices turns him on. You’ve always been innocent in Sunghoon’s eyes. An angel. He’s like a very bad wolf trying to prey on you. To corrupt and make you his slut.

Sunghoon palms his dick as it slowly grow harder inside his trousers. He just couldn’t get enough of you.

“N-No...” you whimpered and lowered your head when he pressed it again to rise the intensity.

The pleasure is making you lose your mind. Sunghoon’s already lost his moments ago as he continue palming his erect friend down there.

“Just one more, baby. Cum for me one last time.” he says softly and you gulped.

The way he talks you through it is what’s dangerous. You can never say no to his sweet tone. It’s like it has its own way towards you that convinces and automatically hypnotize you to oblige to his words.

“B-But I c-can’t anymore.”

“Of course you can.” and he even reach for your hand to place a warm kiss on top of it.

He put it at max and you shut your eyes to prevent people from seeing how it rolled at the back of your head. Everything starts to be blurry and to spin.

“I-I’m close...” you mumbles, biting your lip hardly.

Sunghoon licks his lips, “That’s it...” he grabbed your hand and watch carefully while you surrendered yourself into pleasure.

“Hmph,” and another delicious orgasm unfolds.

“Let’s go,” Sunghoon stood up from his sit and approach you. He carefully helps you to stand up. Some customers looked at your direction, but you’re still too high from your previous climax to give care.

“Is she okay?” one waiter approaches after noticing that it seems like you are unwell.

“She’s fine. I just need to get her to the bathroom.” Sunghoon says and excused the both of you.

One waiter guides you two inside a bathroom. She asked if you needed anything more but Sunghoon dismissed her and told her that you just needed space to breath.

The moment she left, he went over the door and locked it. He pushed you over one of the counters, hold you by the hips and easily lifts you up. He made you sit down.

“W-What...” you licked your lips, unable to properly say anything.

He smirks, “You did so well for me, baby. So so good.” he mumbles and spreads your legs and placed a kiss at your forehead once.

His hand reaches for your core and carefully removes the vibrator inside.

“Ugh,” you moaned and groaned a bit at the feeling of that thing being removed from inside you.

Sunghoon take it to his lips and licked all of your juices out from it. It was so sweet, something he missed for days.

“Fuck, I need to have you. Right now.” he announced that made you flutter your eyes slightly open.

With the small gap, you saw him unzipping his pants that made your anticipation rise. Although totally worn out from the multiple orgasms he already gave you from that toy, the thought of having him for yourself excites you the most.

“P-Please.” you begged, gripping over his clothes.

“Please what, pretty?”

You lift your gaze and stared straight to his lustful eyes. It was dark and you can see how dangerous he is. The amount of lust he has for you was unmeasurable. Sunghoon never felt this way towards someone before.

“Please fuck me.”

Sunghoon’s eyes turned darker and dipped his head down to connect his hot lips on yours. He bit your lip to crack an entrance for his tongue to enter your delicious mouth. Your sweet taste overwhelms him and he started to get addicted.

He pressed his body towards you as he carefully pulls out his erect member. He strokes it a couple of times before placing it on your wet entrance. You whimper at the feeling of his hot dick grazing the line of your cunt.

It sent unexplainable pleasure that the two of you sure enjoys at the very moment. Something you two won’t get tired of.

“So fucking beautiful.” he mumbles on your lips and continues giving you messy kisses.

“So beautiful and only for me.” he growled as he slid his cock inside of you.

One hard thrust and he’s all in. Your eyes flutters open, mouth hanging open at the unexpected stretch. The vibrator and couple orgasms sure prepared you, but not enough to feel a slight sting. Sunghoon’s dick is so big for your small cunt.

“Fuck.” he cursed, feeling his dick suffocating inside of you.

“H-Hoon,” you whisper.

“I know baby. Hold on.” and he started to move, thrusting in and out of you. It was so good. The pleasure was too much.

He showed no mercy in using and abusing your pussy as he rutt his cock inside you so hard. He grunts and groaned at the pleasure of having your body this close. He glanced at your privates and just thought how they perfectly fit each other.

“You are mine. You hear me?” he grunts as he continued rocking harder. His thrusts became deeper and faster, fucking you into oblivion.

“Answer me!” he groaned and bit your shoulder when he received no response from you.

“Y-Yes.”

“Yes what?” he stared at you.

“Yes, I am yours.” you mumbled near his lips and he smiled widely before kissing you.

His hips started rutting even harder as both of your climax approaches. The two of you became a mess trying to catch that orgasm you’ve been yearning to have together. A couple of hard thrusts and dirty talking and you exploded first before him.

You throw your head back, eyes shut as you started to see stars fromtl too much pleasure. Sunghoon catches his breath and kissed your collarbones before slowly pulling out his member.

He watch how your mixed cum drips out from your hole. He smiles and use two of his fingers to push them back inside, making you jolt a little.

“Sorry, baby. I don’t want to waste it.”

The two of you tried to make yourself look much more presentable. You’ve been glaring at him through his reflection in the mirror in front of you and he’s been grinning all the time. He looked so hot and handsome, you hate it.

“You look so pretty.” he compliments.

Despite the blushing cheeks you rolled your eyes and twist to face him. You crossed your arms at him and stared. He smirks and put his hands inside his pockets.

“Don’t you think that was too much?” you fired him. He arched his brow, acting innocent about it.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

You clicked your tongue, “I bet they knew what was going on! Its so embarrassing.” you pout.

He chuckled and walks closer placing his large hands at your sides.

“I’m sure they don’t mind. Let’s go?”

“Where?” you looked at him with so much suspicion in your eyes.

“Why are you looking at me that way?”

“The last time you said that you led me here.”

He barked a laughter before kissing your cheeks once. He started guiding you out from that bathroom. Surprisingly, nobody took it as a big deal. Some of them looked genuinely worried of you, but once Sunghoon said that you’re just a little sick they let it go and wish you to feel well soon.

While he was paying for the your meals, you roamed your eyes around and by the entrance someone caught you attention. A familiar elegant girl walks inside with yet another familiar face.

They walked closer and when her eyes darted at your direction, it slightly grew.

“Sunghoon?” she calls softly.

Your head craned to look at Sunghoon and you saw how he stiffened. His hand halted from reaching over his black card he used to pay for their service.

He slowly turned to face the girl and the look on his face is not good. He jaw clenches as he looked at the two people standing a few feet away from you.

As you glance back at that girl, you realized she was the same girl you’ve seen at the elevator. The one who looked dreadful. The other one beside her is familiar as well. If you can remember it right, he’s one of Sunghoon’s team-mates.

“How have you been? I’ve been trying to call you, but they said you are refusing my calls.” she seemed agitated while Sunghoon remained his distant.

A little confused to what is happening, you took notice of his obvious discomfort by their presense. His body language is showing you that he doesn’t want to be here in front of them so you quickly stepped in.

“Hey, done paying?” you asked gently and grabbed his hand. It was cold, sweaty.

Their eyes then darted at your direction. The expression on that girl’s face drastically changed. Her eyes looked at you with so much judgement, raking it up and down.

Sunghoon finally took in a breath after feeling you beside him. He glances at you and seeing how you looked at him with so much care, calms him down. He nods and pursed his lips. You can still feel his hands shaking a little. He’s having a panic attack.

You faced them and smiled, “Hello, I’m y/n. I’m sorry, but Sunghoon and I have to go. I hope to see you guys around some other time.” and with that, you bowed politely before starting to guide him out.

Sunghoon manages to walk well, but you can still see that he’s in panic. When you arrived in front of his vehicle, his driver assisted you to get him inside. You asked him to give you two some space.

You cupped his face after giving him some water.

“Hey, calm down. Breath in,” you gently instructs and caress his arms. “breath out...”

He looked at your eyes and carefully follows them. He can feel his chest tightening for unknown reasons. His fist felt numb and her mind starts to lose focus. You, on the other hand understands that he’s having an anxiety. For what exact reason, you don’t know. But what you’re sure of is whoever those two are, they triggered something in him.

“Baby, I’m here. Just breath. I am here for you. Look at me.” you mumbles and held his hand to place it on your face.

He felt your warmth and his eyes slowly focused on you. He can now clearly see your beautiful face despite the slight darkness inside the vehicle. He felt his heart thumped faster, but this time in a different matter. You made him feel safe and calm.

“I’m s-sorry.” he whispers and your heart cracks at the sight of him.

It was almost like he’s not Sunghoon. He looked so fragile. A part of you felt relieved that he finally shown you this side of him, but your heart couldn’t take it.

You tugs him closer and he gave in. He wraps his arms around your waist and nuzzle closer, enjoying your warmth.

“She’s Natasha.” he mumbles.

Your brows furrowed and realized that he was probably referring to the girl from a while ago. You kept your mouth shut, doesn’t want to ask something that can ruin it again.

“My ex girlfriend.”

You guided Sunghoon inside his house once you two arrived. After he revealed that it was his ex-girlfriend from that restaurant, you don’t know what to feel. Just by thinking of how he reacted, it made you feel things. It made you overthink once again.

“Y/n...” you snapped back to reality when you heard him call you softly.

You craned your head and looked at him laying on his bed. He’s looking at you with slight worry and fear.

“Yes?”

“Please stay with me.”

He never, in the whole duration that you two had been in this set up, he had never asked you to stay. You felt your heart races, hope ignites inside your chest.

Slowly, you strut closer to his bed and he opens his blanket to then scooted away to give you enough space. When you lay down, he pulls you closer to cuddle you.

“Stay for tonight.” he begged.

You sighed and slid your arms over his waist after placing a kiss on his chest. “Okay.”

The two of you fell silent. You’re just caressing his back gently and you have no clue if he’s already asleep or what. All you can think of is how messed up it is to meet his ex girlfriend that way. You’re starting to overthink how he still feels for her or where you stand in his life at the moment.

“That night of the accident...” your hand halts from caressing his back and slowly you pulls away to look at him.

“You don’t have to if you aren’t ready yet.” you gave him an assuring smile.

He looked at you straight in your eyes and leans down to place a kiss on your forehead.

“I want to.” he says firmly.

You gave him a nod and rests your head on his chest once again. You gave him his time, doesn’t want to make him feel uncomfy and just take his precious time.

“On the night before I got into an accident, I planned to go to her place because I felt like I neglected her too much. I was having practice on consecutive days since the competition is near.” he says.

He took a long breath and tries to calm himself to go through the night he got into an accident once again.

“I went to her place and found her...” he gulps. You placed a kiss on his chest and caress his back gently. “I found her naked on top of my best friend.” he finally said it.

Your mouth gapped and slowly pulls away from hugging him. His breathing fasten and you raised your head to look at his eyes. It was brimming with tears and you felt like your heart teared off.

“I j-just can’t believe it. How can they do that to me? My girlfriend and my own best friend? That’s so fucked up.” a tear escapes his eyes as he clenched his jaw harder, trying to compose himself.

You cup his face and listened to him carefully.

“I stormed out from her apartment after cursing them out. I drove while still being so angry. The next thing I know, I was in the hospital.”

He pursed his lips together and stared at your eyes. Sunghoon didn’t hold back, he lets you see his vulnerability. He doesn’t know but if there’s someone he can show this side of him, he knew it was you.

“I refused to drive again because I feel like it was the start of how things got messy between all of us. She said I neglected her and all I can think of is that race. My best friend said I took away all the spotlight and left him out of it. He was pushed out of the picture and I am the only one people can see.” he stated, he looked so broken and betrayed.

You may not know a lot about these people, but what you heard from him was enough for you to feel a slight hatred towards them.

“Hey, listen to me.” you sniffed, tears pooling your eyes.

Your hands cupped his face and his hands slowly rested over your hips. His eyes stared at you, trying to listen like you said.

“The issue with your ex girlfriend, it was not right for her to make neglection as a reason to cheat on you. Yes, you might have your short comings as her boyfriend but I am pretty sure you two can solve that problem together by talking.” you carefully make him understand. He stays silent, hand slowly caressing your waist up and down.

“Your best friend,” you started and the picture of the two of them you saw from the internet months ago flashes back to your mind. They look so happy in that photo and yet who knew this could happen?

“You can never cure insecurity, baby. Even if you try to give him the time to shine, you can never fix his own issues for him. If he cannot be supportive of you, then he doesn’t deserve you.” you rest your forehead over his.

“Don’t blame yourself for something you don’t have control of. Even if you don’t neglect her, what assurance do you have that she will not do that to you? If its meant to happen, it will happen. Just like racing.” you smile gently at him, tears streaming down your pretty face.

Sunghoon raises one of his hand to wipe off those tears and kiss you once on the cheek.

“Racing and you are meant to be together. You shine differently behind those wheels and you love racing. Don’t let these people take away your dream.” and you sincerely told him.

Something tugs inside Sunghoon’s heart as he leans in to give you a slow heated kiss on the lips. That night, he couldn’t be more thankful that he have you beside him. You spent the whole time cuddling and enjoying each other’s warmth.

The next day, you left after giving him smooches. He refused on letting you go, but you told him you have an importang meeting for that day. He was a little sulky so you had to give him a head to boost his mood a little.

He walked you out and waves cutely, the firm disapproval of you leaving flashes across his handsome face. His bed hair and slightly crinkled white shirt just gave more vibe to you, making your stomach churns and wetting you down there.

Sunday came as well, Hana went back and you decided to spend it with her. Sunghoon kept on texting you. Thankfully he wasn’t that sulky about it.

“Doctor, that was your last patient.” your secretary announced after she knocks and opens the door to your office.

You smiled and told her she did well today. It’s monday already and you’re off to go see Sunghoon at his place for his session.

Speaking of which, your smile grew after seeing his caller i.d flashing through your phone.

“Yeah?”

“You’re at your office?” he asks.

“Uh-huh. Why? I’ll just fix my things and I’ll go straight to your place.” you informed him.

You can hear some muffled background sounds from the other line, like he’s walking or something.

“Nah, stay there. I’m almost at your floor.”

“Huh? What are you doing here?” you asked, confused.

“Picking you up. See you in a bit, baby.” and he ended the call.

You couldn’t help but to smile widely just by thinking he came here to fetch you. Not long after, a knock can be heard from your office door. With excited hops you went to open it for him. A big grin is what greets you.

“Baby!” you greeted cheerfully and threw yourself at him. It made Sunghoon giggle and press kisses on your lips right away.

One of his hand rests over your waist, the other one holding something. After being satisfied of the affections you shared with each other, you pulled away and stared at him.

“You didn’t have to come and pick me up, you know?” but the smile on your lips almost rips face.

“We’ll go out on dinner.” he says that made your brows arched. You’re about to say something when he beats you into talking.

“With my parents.” he added that made your face turn pale instantly.

You’ve seen Mrs. Park a couple of times throughout the process of your sessions with Sunghoon. She is nice, except that you still find her a little intimidating. His father tho, despite showing his trust on you that day they seek for your professional help, he intimidates everything in you.

“You okay, baby?” and he pulls you closer to him.

“I’m nervous. Why are we suddenly having dinner with them?” you asked a little warry.

He smiles and kissed your cheeks, finding you adorable like this. He placed the paperbag he’s been holding ever since he arrived. Your eyes darted at it with slight curiosity.

“You can wear this dress for tonight.”

While staring at his expressive eyes, you realized you’ve got no choice but to go with him. Thankfully, he did gave you enough time to get ready and make yourself look more presentable. You have no idea what’s the dinner for since Sunghoon didn’t quite made it clear.

After an hour or two, he guided you towards the elevator. His coat rests on your shoulder to keep you warm while you go down to where he parked.

“Where is your driver?” you asks, roaming your eyes around to search for his familiar range rover.

Instead, he guides you over into a red sports car. With hopeful eyes, you glanced silently at him. He smirks and opened the passenger seat to the two-seater vehicle.

“I’ll be driving us tonight, pretty.” he finally confirms and you couldn’t explain how happy you are at that moment.

He leans and kissed your shoulder before helping you to get inside. You took the time admiring the inside of his car. It was very beautiful. The kind of car you think that fits Sunghoon, the famous F1 racer. His range rover is not bad, but this one fits him even more.

“What?” he scoffed while starting the engine when he noticed how your stares lingers.

“Have I told you how sexy you are?”

He chuckled and smirked widely.

“Well, this sexy man will eat you later tonight.”

You blushed and quickly swat his arm quickly. “You always find a way to ruin the moment with your horniness.”

He laughed and leans to kiss you on your cheeks swiftly, “What can I say? I just couldn’t get enough of you.”

The ride was short and you can feel your whole system panicking the moment he handed his keys to the vallet. He offered his hand and you accepted it as he guided you inside. Just days ago, you were inside a fine diningr restaurant and now you are here once again. What’s even more thrilling is that his parents will join you.

The waiters greets you with full enthusiasm and helped you find your table. They informed the two of you that his parents were already there.

“Doctor (Surname).” his Mom flashes you a big smile the moment she sets eyes on you.

Compared to the last time you met them, their aura seems to be lighter. His Dad looked a little more friendlier. A small smile plays through his lips as he silently watch you two approach the table.

You bowed politely and accepted the sudden hug from his mother. She’s always nice, but never to this extent. It caught you off-guard.

Sunghoon pulls the chair for you and waits for you to have a seat before taking his.

“We already ordered our food! I hope you don’t mind, Doctor (surname).” she says with so much elegance.

You smiled, “Not at all. Apologies for being a little late.”

“Oh, no need! I mean we did arranged this dinner so suddenly.” she giggles.

You have no idea what she thinks about you and where you stand in her son’s life so you feel a little awkward. Despite the large leap between your relationship with Sunghoon, he didn’t confirmed anything yet.

You felt his arm resting at the rest of your chair. It caught his father’s eyes so you felt conscious and made sure not to lean back. His Mother was the one who carries the whole conversation. She seems excited and so you make sure you respond well to her.

“So Doctor (Surname)—”

“Y/n, Mom. Call her by her first name. You’re too formal.” Sunghoon interrupts her while the waiters starts to serve the food.

“Is it okay with you, dear?” she asks.

You eagerly nodded your head as you find it a little awkward to be called by your surname all the time.

“Please enjoy the meal, y/n.” Sunghoon’s father said that made you glance at his direction. You nodded and all of you started eating.

Sunghoon kept looking after you that even while his father and him discusses about something, he keeps on assisting you. You blush, feeling a little shy that his mother will soon take notice and ask what’s between the two of you.

“You’re probably wondering why we suddenly asked to have dinner with you.” she started after you finished the main meals and now at your desserts.

You nodded and patiently wait for what she’s about to say. She pursed her lips and you can see her eyes softening, slightly brimming with tears.

She reaches for your hand and the two male kept silent, watching the two of you. Sunghoon’s hands moves and rests at the small of your back, giving it subtle caress.

“We want to thank you for looking out for Sunghoon and for helping him. We really did the right choice of asking for your help.” she sincerely said.

You smiled, “It was my pleasure.”

She smiles, “When he told us that he wants to undergo surgery and to drive for (f1 team) once again we were so happy. We couldn’t thank you enough!”

Your mouth gapped at what you just heard. The shock on your face was too evident that his Mom looked at you with amusement.

“W-What?” you asked, totally confused.

“Wait, he didn’t told you?” his Mom asks.

You shook your head side to side and heard Sunghoon heaving a sigh from beside you. He pushed himself from resting at his chair.

“It was suppose to be a surprise for her, Mom.” he says that made you look at him with teary eyes.

“Surprise.” he smirks.

“Are you really...?”

He nods his head, staring at you with an unknown look on his face. His affection for you oozing that even his parents noticed it right away. They didn’t need to ask or for their son to confirm it. From just how he holds you and looks at you, they can tell that he’s very fond of you.

“I’m so happy for you!” and you caged him with a tight embrace.

The dinner continued with a lighter atmosphere. You shared conversation with his Mom as she starts telling you stories about his childhood which you find really entertaining.

“Thank you for tonight.” you smiled widely at his Mother when its time to bid goodbye.

She pursed her lips and approaches for yet another warm hug. “Thank you for coming into our son’s life, y/n.” she whispers only for you to hear.

Your heart thumps and was unable to say anything else after she pulls away to give her son a hug this time. They waved and Sunghoon guides you towards his sports car.

“She likes you so much.” he says after putting his seatbelt on.

“Well your Mom is a sweetheart.”

He smiled agreeing. He started the engine and drove. You noticed that he its not the direction back to the hospital so you glanced at him.

“You aren’t taking me back to the hospital?”

He glanced at you, “Why? You left something?”

“My car is there.”

He kept his eyes at the road, “You’re going home with me tonight. You don’t need your car.”

You pursed your lips into a pout, “But I have work tomorrow.”

“We can ask someone to buy you work clothes and I can drive you to the hospital tomorrow since I also need to see the surgeon my Mom was talking about.”

Your eyes grew out of excitement.

“Okay, I can accompany you before I go to work.”

So it was final. The two of you made it to his place and decided to cuddle. Legs tangled with each other, your head laying over his chest as he hugs you close to his body. Sunghoon couldn’t ask for anything else. Just by having you like this while your hearts beats in sync with each other was enough.

The two of you spent the whole night just enjoying the warmth and comfort that escalates between you. It was a wholesome moment that probably will be cherished for as long as you can remember.

“Fucking fuck!” Sunghoon’s rasp voice moaned as he continued rutting deep and hard from behind you.

It was morning the next day and nothing’s better to start your day with a morning fuck. So here you are on your second orgasm for today, face pressed down on the pillow while he take you deliciously from behind. You can feel his length reaching all the right spot perfectly.

“H-Hoon, just like that!” you screamed.

“Pussy so tight for me. So good, so fucking good.” he leaned and bite on your skin before rocking even harder.

When you’re about to reach your climax, Sunghoon flips you around so you can face him. “I want to see your beautiful face while I cum deep inside you.” he groaned and once again find his pace.

You two were a moaning mess, desperately getting drowned by too much pleasures.

“P-Please, I'm cumming.” you mumbled, tears swells over your eyes.

He groped your chest and continued fucking you hard. Sunghoon licks his lips as he make sure he is hitting it deep and right. The amount of pleasure your pussy is giving him is out of this world. For him, nothing can match this. You are the only one.

“Cum with me, baby.” he demands that you completely obliges as eyes rolls back hardly after your release.

After a couple of thrust, Sunghoon shoots his hot seeds deep inside your womb, making sure he paints and claims you enough. He leans in while still giving you lazy thrusts and kissed you on your lips.

He plops beside you and you’re both trying to catch your breaths.

“We need to get ready.” you announced and sat up. His eyes follows you silently.

“Can’t we just go tomorrow instead?”

You shook your head in disapproval. “No. We have to do your sessions tomorrow so we have no time. Besides, you have to meet with your surgeon.”

After so many attempts of making him leave the bed and get ready, you finally succeeded. He drove you to the hospital.

“We’ll go to your surgeon first.” you left him with no choice.

Sunghoon silently follows, ignoring the eyes that obviously watches him after recognizing who he is. His tall figure, handsome face and the way he carries himself just catches attention easily.

“Excuse me, is doctor Kang available at the moment?” you ask the attendant nurse.

Her eyes lits up at the sight of you and smiles. “Yes, doctor.” she response.

“Great! May I ask what time is his appointment with Park Sunghoon?”

The nurses eyes brightens, “Mr. Park Sunghoon? Oh, Doctor Kang has been waiting for him for twenty minutes. His Mom already made the appointment last night.”

You smiled excitedly, “Thank you! I’m sorry for being late, we were caught on traffic. Can we go inside now?”

She nods and just informs Doctor Kang that his patient just arrived. You walked towards Sunghoon who have a placid expression on his face.

“Let’s go. I will walk you inside and I’ll go.”

“You’ll leave me there?” he asked with a tone of betrayal.

“I have work to do.”

“But I need you there.”

You sighed, “I’ll just meet with my client and then I will come back here. Okay?”

He still looked unsatisfied, but you pulled him towards the office of his surgeon. When you entered, his head lifts and eyes widen in surprise to see you. It didn’t slip from Sunghoon. The delightful look on his face the moment he saw you walking inside stirs something inside him.

He walks near you, back pressing on your back.

“Doctor (surname), what a surprise.” he greets and stood up from his table.

“Oh, I just accompanied Sunghoon here.” and now his eyes darted at his direction.

The doctor seem to be surprised again and quickly offered a hand. Didn’t want to be rude, Sunghoon tries to keep his cool and accepted it.

“Its such an honor to finally meet you, Mr. Park.” he says.

He gave him a short nod, looking a little snobby. Your lips lifts a bit, remembering how he’s just the same the first time you two had met.

“How’d you know him?” he curiously asked you.

You smiled, “I’m his psychiatrist,”

“And my girlfriend.” Sunghoon added that caught you off-guard, resting his hand over your waist.

The smile on his surgeon’s face fell, but he tries hard to pull it back.

“Oh, I s-see.” he awkwardly stated.

You blinked and with blushing cheeks, you realized it was your cue to leave them two alone.

“I’ll see you l-later?” you stuttered.

Sunghoon seemed unbothered and even pleaced a peck on your lips before finally letting you go. The whole time you’re walking towards your building, your mind was occupied. You cannot think of anything else but what Sunghoon just said.

Girlfriend? Did he really just said you are his girlfriend? Your stomach churns and heart hammered hardly inside your chest.

It took everything in you to shove that thought off of your mind in order to focus on your work. Your sessions went surprisingly well regardless of being a little distracted because of the F1 racer.

After your last session, you heard a knock from your door and Sunghoon went inside. You smiled while still writing something at your folder.

“So...” you started and tilts your head at him.

“Since when did I became your girlfriend?” your tone sounds teasing. He smirks and leans in to drop a peck on your lips.

“Since I asked you out on a date.”

You furrowed your brows, “The day we met after not seeing each other for days?” you tried confirming it to him.

He nodded his head innocently.

“I thought you already knew that we’re already dating since I asked you out.”

You blushed, “Do you even like me?”

He narrowed down his brows and stared right at your face. “No.” his quick answer shoots you straight to the chest. It was painful.

He grabs your hand and gently guides you to stand up only to tug you closer to him. He wraps his arms around your body.

“I love you.” the three words came out from him naturally that you’re completely dumbfounded.

You blinked, “A-Are you serious?”

Sunghoon chuckled, finding you adorable.

“I am crazy for you, y/n. In case you failed to notice.”

You smiled and tip-toed for a kiss on his lips. “I love you too.”

His cheeks perks up in so much satisfaction after hearing you utter those three words. You never knew that you two will end up in this situation. You were just overthinking about this and now it was settled. There’s nothing more you can ask and just enjoys being warmly wrapped between your boyfriend’s warmth.

Almost two months had passed and you cannot be happier. It was well spent with Sunghoon as you two grew in love with each other. He was badly smitten over you as much as you are to him.

His surgery went well too and he’s now on his therapies for him to get back in the right shape. The doctor said once he's over with all of this, he’s good as new like before. He can go back on track and win races again.

“Come in!” your cheerful voice echoes inside your office after you heard a knock from your office door.

You’re done with your session today and just getting ready to leave. Sunghoon’s not responding from your text an hour ago so you assumed you won’t be meeting him again today. He’s been really busy with his therapies lately and you completely understand.

Right now, your top priority is for him to get better and nothing else.

“Miss me?”

Your hand halts from putting your things inside your bag. Shivers ran through your spine and cold sweats all over you. The familiar horrifying voice you almost forgot about rings inside your head, instantly triggering that traumatic experience you had.

Slowly, you turned around to face the person standing right by the door. The smile on his face terrified you.

“M-Mr. Cha.” you stuttered while looking at him with nothing but fear on your eyes.

“Nice to see you too, y/n.” he trailed his gaze from your face down to your body. And when you saw how he licked his lips as he does that disgusts the hell out of you.

“I see you’ve been prettier while I was gone.” he walks closer and you couldn’t even move a muscle. You are pierced right at your position, unable to even say anything.

You wanted to run as fast as you can, but your stupid feet just could not move. Like it was glued or something.

“How have you been?” his hand raised to touch your face and you moved away. He doesn’t seem to like what you did so he grabbed your hair.

“Being feisty, eh?” the sarcasm looms over his tone as he pulled your head backwards, he took his time admiring your beautiful face up close.

The director can’t remember the very first time he ever started to feel the attraction towards you. Maybe it was when his father introduced you to him as the newly hired psychologist for the hospital. He still remember how bragged that you’re one of the top students in your university and the hospital managed to pull you.

He couldn’t help but to agree. It was indeed a lucky thing they managed to have you.

“P-Please don’t do this...” your tears rolled down your cheeks and lips shakes in so much fear.

Just by thinking of going through the same process like before terrified you. But who you are kidding? You didn’t even know why you bother to plead when you knew very well he wouldn’t listen.

Mr. Cha smirks and started peppering you with kisses. You grunts and cried in resistance, but he’s just more powerul than you.

As tears silently rolled down your face while this man was assaulting you, Sunghoon flashes through you mind. How you wished he can be here to protect you and prevent this thing to happen. You should’ve had said to him what happened before.

That’s the thing. No matter how many times you try, you can’t. Fear and embarrassment takes over whenever you try to tell him about that day. You know he would understand, its just your own fear is hunting you.

On the other hand, Sunghoon’s all smiley while he parks his car at the underground parking lot of the hospital. He’s just in time to pick you up from your shift.

He felt bad that therapies had been taking all of his time and he couldn’t spend more time with his lovely girlfriend. Tomorrow, he’s off to leave the country for a week of seminar and therapy. It would be the last one before the doctors allowed him to go on full training.

He figures he can go see and spend the night with you before he leaves for a few days. He will miss you the most.

As the elevator tings at your floor, he steps outside and saw that the table of your secretary was vacant. Seems like she left already. He’s pretty sure you are still here since he didn’t receive any messages that you left your office.

When he stepped closer, he can hear muffled sound coming from inside. Things being moved and some grunts. He slowly pushed the door open and the flower he was holding fell to the cold floor.

His whole body felt numb and his ears ringed at the sight in front of him. He can feel his whole body feeling cold, mind going blank.

“What the fuck...” he said that made the man holding you moved away.

Your teary eyes grew and you quickly fixed yourself as Mr. Cha managed to push your skirt up until your waist. You still have your underwear on, but the scene itself was sensual enough for Sunghoon to react this way.

“H-Hoon...” you called softly and tried to stand up properly.

When he looked at you with the hint of betrayal flickering through his eyes, your heart drops. He misunderstood everything. He clenched his jaw and took a step backwards, shaking his head from side to side.

“N-No! It isn’t what you t-think—”

You squealed when he step forward and took a hold of Mr. Cha’s collar. With dark and dangerous eyes he glares right at him. He threw a punch with no hesitation.

“Fuck you!” he shouted.

You quickly went to stop him before he unwillingly damage his shoulder again. Thankfully, he did let you but your heart broke when he shoved your hold off from him. He glanced at you with cold eyes and left the room.

You got stoned in your position for a while before finally composing yourself. Without much thought inside your head, you grabbed your jacket and phone to come after Sunghoon. He was no longer in the elevator and so you headed down the parking lot hoping you can catch up on him.

“Sunghoon!” you called out and scurry over to his sports car. Surprisingly, nobody was there.

A part of you felt relieved that he didn’t go and drove away using his car while he’s feeling that way. You’re still very worried. You fished your phone from your pocket and dialled one of his friend’s number.

“Y/n?” his surprised tone greets you after answering your call.

“Jake! Is Sunghoon with you?”

“Huh? He just left to go see you. Is he not there yet?”

You bit your lower lip and another set of tears attempts to stream down your face. Just being reminded of how horrible and hurt he looked moments ago hunts you.

“W-We had a fight. Can you please call him? Please? I’m scared that he’ll get into another accident.”

You heard background noises from the other line and follows, “All right. Jay and I will look around for him. Don’t worry too much and be safe.” he says that send instant relief.

“Thank you.” and you crash down the pavement near his parked car.

It’s unbelievable how these things are happening to you right now. As far as you remember, you’ve never did anyone wrongly to the point for you to suffer this way. Nobody deserves to be assaulted and silenced that way. But you are scared. To think that you shouldn’t be the one to feel ashamed but still do is depressing.

As expected, he refused to see you. His friends did confirmed that they had found him somewhere and safely took him to his house. It was enough for you. The last thing you’d want is for him to get into trouble because of you.

You headed home as well, praying so bad that everything will be fine soon. You’ve been so happy with Sunghoon lately that you lost track of time. The director is back after being out of the country for a while. You’re a bit dumb to think that he will stop once he sees you’re already dating somebody.

The next day, you’re about to head over to Sunghoon’s house but to your dismay he’s off to do his last therapy. It slipped off your mind as well. Now, it made you feel bad even more. He might have went there to come see you since he will leave for a few days.

You planned to come after him, but it may be not the best choice. His mind is probably occupied and he needs time to collect his own thoughts. The best thing you can do right now is resign from your job and wait for him to come back. You can afford losing that big opportunity, but not Sunghoon. Not him.

On the other hand, Sunghoon’s on his second day out of the country. He still out of it. He’s body is here, but his mind is clearly left back at you. His heart too. He can still feel his chest tightening whenever he recalls how he sees another man touching and kissing you that way.

“That seminar is so boring!” his head craned over to one of his friend as he settles down beside him. He placed his food on the table and glanced at Sunghoon once.

“You’re too quiet these days, hyung. You missed Y/n noona that much?” he teased and even nudge him over the shoulder.

He ignored what he said and remained silent. He was right. Even after what he saw, he can’t deny that he’s been missing you so much.

“But you know Cha Jin? The director of that hospital she's working on?” he stated that made Sunghoon stops from fidgeting over his fingers.

Just by merely hearing that guy’s name sets fire inside him. It boils his blood that he wants to go straight to where he is and punch him nonstop until he passed out.

His friend seemed to not notice how his expression changed and just continued talking about this director.

“He used to be my cousin’s batchmate and he said that guy harassed a lot of girls before! He even mentioned if it wasn’t for his family’s money and power, he would have been already in jail.”

Sunghoon stunned at what he just heard. He suddenly got reminded of how he caught you and that guy that day. Him pressing himself over you while your eyes brim with tears.

Your eyes....

He cursed inwardly for not noticing it right away and for letting his emotions take over him completely.

He abruptly stood up from his seat that surprised even his friend. He looked at Sunghoon with confused eyes.

“Hyung?”

“I’ll go first.” he says and started pressing something over his phone.

“G-Go where? Hyung!” he slightly panic at the sight of the older one gathering some important things.

“Home. Tell Mr. Lim I left because of an emergency.”

Sunghoon didn't even let his friend to say anything else and just proceed on leaving that place. He put his phone over his ears and wait for the other person to answer the call.

“Yes, Mr. Park?”

“I want to file a case.” he says seriously, fist hardly clenched while talking to his lawyer.

He wants so bad to ruin Mr. Cha for doing that and he wants to punch himself for being too dumb to notice. Sunghoon asked for an immediate flight back home and tried to organize everything that will be needed.

The next day, you went over your office to gather some things. Honestly, you have no enough courage to go there. You knew you couldn't stand being in that room for long right after what he just did to you.

You hate it because you’ve put so much work and effort just for that place to feel cozy and safe. He just ruined all of it. He’s disgusting and a monster.

Just as you’re hurrying to put all the stuff you can fit inside the small box you brought, your door bursts open.

“Leaving without saying good bye?”

You whipped your head to face him with piercing eyes. Seeing him flashing a smile and having the face to be here after doing all of that to you is unbelievable. He has no shame at all.

“I’m quitting my job.”

He scoffed, “Really?” he laughed with no humor. He still scares you, but you need to be brave. You have to.

“Do you think another hospital will accept you if I spread rumor about you?” he slid his hand inside his pocket and tilts his head with a cocky smile.

You clenched your jaw and stared at him with so much hatred. He is powerful and wealthy. You knew he can ruin your life in a snap, mainly why you’re also too afraid to leave this place.

“You can’t do anything about it, y/n.” he smirks wickedly.

A tear fell from your eyes then it moves over to look at the unfamiliar person who suddenly walks inside. Your brows furrowed in confusion and so does Mr. Cha.

“But I can.” Sunghoon’s familiar voice made you roam your eyes around and you almost lost your balance when you saw him walking inside.

“What...” Mr. Cha is as confused as you are.

“Mr. Cha Jin we are asking you to come with us for interrogation about a case of harassment and rape.” a guy held him by his shoulder firmly and the other put his wrists together.

Sunghoon walks towards you and cupped your face, making you burst into tears even more.

“I’m sorry for being late, baby.” he mumbles and you just shook your head side to side.

“You’re just in time.”

He smiles and leaned down to give you a sweet kiss on your lips. He pulled away and both of you looked over Mr. Cha as he kept on resisting from the people whose guiding him outside.

“You can’t do this! You have no enough proof!” he said enraged and his eyes darted at your direction.

“Tell them, y/n! Tell them I am innocent! Do something! Defend your director!”

You can’t believe how he can say all those words towards you when he knew very well how guilty he is. Sunghoon tugs you closer, trapping your body using one of his arm.

He throw an envelope near Mr. Cha and his eyes dropped down to look at it.

“That’s her resignation letter.” Sunghoon said seriously.

Mr. Cha doesn’t look so happy about it and with gritted teeth he looked at the two of you.

“You can’t do this! You know what I can do to you, y/n!” he kept threatening you.

Sunghoon scoffed and tilts his head before placing a kiss on your forehead while still eyeing Mr. Cha. No fear can be seen over your boyfriend’s eyes.

“You messed with the wrong girl.”

He signalled the authorities to take him away already and you nuzzle over his chest as the commotion unfold. You have nothing in mind, but the thought of things being over.

“Wait.” you said when it finally hits you.

“Are you done with your therapy?” you looked at him with worried eyes.

Sunghoon smiled a little, “Not yet.”

“Then why are you here? You should be—” your words got cut off when he leans in and drop a kiss at your lips.

“I am here because my girlfriend needs me. I am a fool to leave you here alone that day.” guilt flashes through his eyes and you’re quick to comfort him.

“Don’t say that. The important thing is that you are here now.” and you wrapped your arms around his waist for a tight hug.

You two stayed that way before you decided to go home.

“Wait.” Sunghoon says and tugs your arm to pull you back.

Your body crashes on his and he looked at you with those hot eyes. With a little suspicion you stared at him.

“W-What?”

He smirked as one of his hand slowly moves down your thighs. You blushed and roamed your eyes around to check if somebody is there.

“Let me fuck you here in your office one last time.” he whispered sexily as he swiftly switch your positions and pushed you over your office table.

“But what if someone sees us?”

He pushed your skirt up to reveal your underwear. Sunghoon curses at how hot you looked beneath him before he licked his lip.

“Then they will enjoy the show.” and with a big grin, he pushed your undies to the side then pulled out his erect cock.

He gave his palm a lick before aligning his hardened head on your wet core. You let out a small moan at the sensation of his dick touching your entrance.

“Nobody,” he grunts as he pushed it inside with no mercy making you yelped a little. “can every taste you this way. This is all mine. Mine.” he said firmly like a law nobody can disobey.

He started thrusting from behind you and you two are both a moaning mess. He made his hand roam your sexy back before reaching your hand to intertwin your fingers.

“I love you so much, baby.”

Your mouth hanged open, saliva dripping slightly out from it from too much pleasure as your boyfriend kept hitting the right spots.

“I l-love you, Hoon.”

“You look lovely.” he doesn’t even need to utter those words towards you as his eyes are enough for you to know it.

The way Sunghoon stares at you with so much love and affection will always be your favorite thing. His thick brows making a straight line whenever he looks at you indicates how his worries disappears. His sexy eyes never leaving you and his lips lifting for a smile shows how badly smitten he is for you.

You smiled and leaned closer for one kiss as you don’t want your gloss to be smeared all over him if it was a long kiss. He tried to chaste after, not satisfied with the short affection. You’re quick to dismiss his attempt for another kiss.

“Later.”

“Later?”

You giggled, “Yes, later.”

He nods and placed a kiss at your shoulder before the two of you walks inside the venue. Tonight, his team gathered everyone for a small dinner party to welcome him back. His other team-mates and his coach are pretty much excited to have him back.

Of course, he asked you to be there. He wants you to be there for him.

“There he is! My man!” their coach cheers and eagerly approached Sunghoon as you two made an entrance.

His teammates didn’t waste time to come and greet him as well, delighted to see him around. You didn’t fail to catch their attention too as they kept eyeing you after greeting Hoon.

Your eyes catch a glimpse of his ex-girlfriend with Sunghoon’s ex best friend. They both stood from a distance unlike everybody else. She looked a little sad and whole regretful as she stare at your direction.

She couldn’t help but reminisce the times that it was her who he was holding.

“This is Doctor y/n (surname), my girlfriend.” he announced sounding so proud.

They all looked amused and even bickered around who can shake your hand first. You giggled finding it adorable and funny.

“You two look good together.” your heads whipped over to the side when two people approaches.

The taunting lingers over his tone as he smirks over Sunghoon, eyes flickering slight anger and disapproval to your boyfriend’s presence. Natasha stood close to him, her body language shows how uncomfy she is and how she refused to be in that situation.

A part of you felt bad for her, but you also know she kind of deserves it after what she did to Sunghoon.

Sunghoon didn’t show any sign of annoyance through his face, but instead pulled you closer to his side.

“Thanks. I can say the same thing to the two of you.” Sunghoon said with a playful smirk on his face as he stated those words with a meaningful tone.

Natasha looked so bothered about it and so does his best friend. He tries to hide it with a humorless laugh and clicked the side of his cheeks.

“Don’t you feel sorry for suddenly showing up like nothing happened?” he fired that made Sunghoon's smile fell.

His smirk grew wider at the reaction Sunghoon showed. He seems to be enjoying it and you hate it. So even before he can utter another word, you stepped in.

“Yes, my boyfriend does feel sorry.” you interrupted with a sweet voice and a playful expression on your face.

Everyone eyed you as you looked straight at his ex best friend’s face.

“The only thing he felt sorry about is that he left the team on your care.” you said that earned reactions from their teammates.

You pursed your lips into a pout, like you feel sorry. Like you feel so much pity.

“You didn’t even made it to the top five, right? What a shame.” you teased that clearly hit the spot as his smirk fell completely.

Sunghoon grinned and licked his lip before tilting his head over to the side, very impressed.

“But don’t worry guys. Sunghoon’s back to win you another trophy this season. I know he won’t disappoint us.” and you flash them all a very sweet smile.

And he really didn’t disappoint.

“For first place, champion for this season.” the announcer voice echoes to the whole place while you looked above during the podium ceremony.

Your eyes goes teary just watching Sunghoon smiling so widely while looking straight at you. His mother held your arm beside and got her widest smiles as well.

“Park Sunghoon!” everyone cheered so loudly after his name was called.

You screamed and clapped, admiring how he really shines. This is where he truly belongs, his natural habitat. He is meant for this. You pursed your lips, trying to hold back your tears.

He kissed the trophy while still looking straight to you. He mouthed ��I love you’ and you responded, ‘I love you.’

Your heart races as the crowd cheers loudly for Park Sunghoon, the famouse ace racer of the team (f1 team) and also your boyfriend.

tag-list:

@candewlsy @nyfwyeonjun @sunghoonizz @jaehyuniewifeu @imjakes-wifeofc1 @deobitifull @enhypens-hoe @yzzyhee @nyxtwixx @crimnalseung @vixensss @jjklvr9 @gonorrheaisme @lhspeachie @myboyfriendjungkook @capri-cuntz @brooklyninawhitemustang @woniebae @ma-riiii @tinie03 @seokseokjinkim @iheartjayke @hybeboyenthusisast @minniejenseo @shelovsme @sjakewrld @shawnyle @skzenhalove @crimnalseung @cloud-lyy @vixialuvs @mitmit01 @mintdsunoo @metkayinassss @dojaejunging @ahnneyong @denleave1088 @velvetkisscs @saanvilovessunghoon @ilymarkchan @realrintaro @acolytees @tanisha2060 @stuckonclouds @outroherrr @yunhoswrldddd @smpfrpshlhs @missychief1404 @riyuukii @jungwonieee

[simpingforheros]

Corruptions

Pairing: Arkham Knight! Jason Todd X Female! Reader

Summary: Jason and a freshly reanimated Y/N reeling after the events of Arkham Knight. Kinda Aftermath to Bring Me To Life

Warnings: Implied Dark Themes, Implied non consensual touching and kissing, Consensual/Non-explicit Smut, Mental Health Issues, Violence, Nonintentional Abusive Relationship, Unhealthy Relationship Dynamic, Blood, Mentions of Infantilization, Forcing Care (idk how else to describe it), Fluff, Hurt/Comfort??, Mentions of Human Sex Slave (no actual human sex slave), Jason being a mentally ill and not the best boyfriend, but he tries.

Author’s Note: Hiya peeps. I’m happy you guys so far do like my other Jason Todd work so far. I actually started this one last night after failing to fall asleep. And fair warning, while this isn’t what I would consider a Dark Fanfic, there are disturbing themes that may not resonate well with everyone. Criticism is always welcomed but Please Do not copy, steal, or repost my work on other websites and Minors DNI.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Jason had never felt more happy in his entire life as he did the moment those eyes looked at him so sweetly for him as he entered his apartment.

The bitter darkness of his world was outshined by her gaze as she excitedly scurried to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. The oversized shirt that barely covered her thighs riding up as she jumped into his awaiting arms. She was so innocent as she allowed him to carry her to the old couch against the wall as she asks about his day. A question that is only answered with a groan as he sits down with her straddling his waist as he buries his face in her chest, breathing in her smell.

Ignoring the bite from his militarized suit or the metallic smell that practically radiated off of him, she strokes his greasy hair as she gazes at him with so much affection in her eyes. Even as he lifts her off him for a moment to strip himself of his costume and practically mauls her shirt off of her, her love never wavered as her devotion allowed his unworthy hands hold her.

Jason almost forgets about the ridged scars that littered the soft areas of her skin. The painfully red ones that puffed out just like his did were the ones that made Jason cry at night until she would press herself onto him until he soothed. Her scars weren’t anything for him to judge. They were her medals of bravery and sacrifice while his were well deserved punishments for his failures. His favorite scars on her were the excisions on her chest that extended down her front and forking up her collarbone to her shoulders. He presses his unholy thoughts into those scars as they remind him that Slade didn’t lie to him.

She was the real Y/N. The one he lost to Joker all those years ago in Ethiopia and had kept him comforted mentally during his time in Arkham. The one he promised to avenge was now within his grasps again. She was almost the same as she was before…almost..

Ignoring how she was unnaturally warm or the unnatural green glow that seemed to highlight her E/C eyes, Y/N came back mentally different too. After Slade brought her back, she had apparently suffered with a condition called ‘Pit Madness’ and the sick bastard that was Slade had ‘treated’ her illness before bringing her to Jason. The scars that were barely noticeable on her temples were the only evidence that he had that Deathstroke fried what was possibly left of Y/N.

She came back to Jason basically a new person. Like she was just manifested into his dark world with a naive wonder that a child would have and not a 19 year old woman.

+++++++++++++++++++++++

“Why is she acting like this?…” Jason asked as he looked to the medic in a daze.

The medic looked terrified to answer the Arkham Knight, whether that was because of who he was or that it was the first time the Knight was acting different. A strange difference…

But Jason can say the same thing about Y/N.

She was curiously examining the table of medical equipment as if she’s never seen any of it in her life. Even going as far as picking up a syringe and playing with it.

His Y/N was terrified of needles. She would throw up whenever she saw Alfred approached her with one.

“Sir, this maybe a result of brain damage due to the electroshock therapy she received or a psychological induced amnesia…” The medic stutters out as he tries to carefully take the syringe from her. “We don’t have the proper equipment to determine that right now, so we can wait to see if her memory returns but I’m very-!”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

But, Y/N wasn’t completely gone. She was there. Along with something he’s never seen before from her.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The medic screams practically made Jason snap his neck to catch the most unseeable sight he ever seen. As the doctor wails gripping onto his hand, his eyes finally accepted the image before him.

Y/N’s now cold, blank eyes stared at the blood on her hand as the now needless syringe was laying on the hospital bed.

She stabbed him and broke the needle off into his hand. His sweet Y/N hurt an innocent man (as innocent a medical militia doctor can be).

His arms carefully wrap around her as he yanks her away from the scene as the other medics came to help the doctor. As he held her, her eyes sparkled again with that childish innocence as she gripped onto his arms, like they were in an embrace and he wasn’t restraining her.

Those cold eyes haunting his mind as he realized there why Slade waited to bring her to him.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Indifference…that’s what shined in her eyes that day. Jason couldn’t help the shiver in his spine every time he thought about that evening.

Indifference wasn’t the same as Hatred. Jason knew Hatred like the back of his hand. It’s a fiery hot emotion that scrotches his insides and fueled his vengeance. It was the closest emotion to Love because it motivates and changes a person to their fundamental core. It haunts and eats away at him like a disease and he couldn’t be happier to spread it.

Indifference was worst. It showed little regard for life. No care, no motivation. Just a simple snap of its fingers and a life can be snuffed out without a second thought.

That wasn’t what his Y/N is suppose to believe in. His Y/N was love. She was the most kind person he’s ever know and was willing to give up her life for his. The shell that was her, the madness, made her do what she did.

And that scared him. Especially since in the beginning.

Whether she would stand blankly as she looked at the wall or just stare at him, sometimes that indifference comes back. Her desire to kill remained a silent one but he could taste it. In the metallic blood that seemed the floor as her hand gripped a cup just too tight or in the stale night air that surrounded him as she kneeled beside him in bed, pillow gripped in her arms.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Jason rationalized that he was doing the right thing. Slade may have fried her brain in order to make her a possible sex toy for the Knight, but Jason was just punishing her to bring herself back to him.

Whether he would tie her up in order to get her to eat or painfully grip her in the shower to get her clean, everything he did was for her. Because he knew that he has to be as patient Y/N would have been with him if there roles were reversed.

It was hard at first. He hated having to restrain her or to drug her. That was when the indifference episodes were more often. When he was still the Arkham Knight. He almost thought about giving up on her when the stress of killing Batman and the pressure from Victor Crane was suffocating him.

Until he caught a glimpse of hope…

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Y-you did this to me” Jason painfully wept as he looked up to his former mentor. “You ruined us! Like how you ruined Barbara, Y/N, and now me!!”

Bruce looked down at him sympathetically as he reaches out a hand. A chance to help him. To not let him do it alone…

That was until a whirling shot clipped his cheek. Batman ducks as he throws a batterang at the unknown shooter, but a familiar cry causes both men to freeze.

Y/N fell to the ground as she clutched her eye. Blood leaking from her finger tips as she looked up at Bruce with what Jason thought was indifference.

But it wasn’t. It wasn’t even hate. It was the spark that Jason remembered the night she drugged him and went to that warehouse.

The last time His Y/N looked at him with love and determination.

“Stay away from my Jason…” she seethes at Batman before Jason snaps out of his dazed first.

As a smoke screen was deployed, Jason flees with Y/N with renewed hope and love in his once dead heart. His Y/N was still in there and she still loved him.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Jason…” Her breathy moans filled his ears as his reality was restored at where they were at. His fingers dripping as he pulled those beautiful mewls out of her. Her rehearsed movements hypnotized him as he captures her mouth.

It was his reward. All of this was his hardwork and suffering was finally paying off.

After he brought her out of Arkham and into hiding, he tried a different approach to treating her. He realized he should be working towards her dream instead of forcing her to relive her past.

So instead of retelling her stories that her naive brain couldn’t remember, he would start treating her like a little girlfriend. Praising her when she did something he wanted to do or when she did something that reminded him of her old self. Instead of bringing her back around her friends and family, he locked her away in the apartment he got for her in Old Gotham where she can see the stars. He even got her a dumb little cat after she willingly kissed him for the first time. The claw marks from Frank the cat were worth it just so she can innocently press her lips to his.

Her naive nature made his stomach turn in a wrong way. His Y/N wasn’t some experienced teenaged party girl by any means before her death, but she was at least aware of how couples should act. This Y/N was unaware. And that’s why it scared him that he liked to corrupt this new side of her.

So in the beginning, when his touches and kisses were met with confusion and innocent pecks, he almost passed out from excitement. It wasn’t until his old Y/N started appearing that his touches were receptive.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“I brought dinner!” Jason announced as he put the pizza box on the table.

Y/N looks at the pizza with a look of disappointment as Jason twerks his eyebrow in confusion. “What’s wrong, honey?” He asked softly.

“I wanted Accetta’s…” She said much to Jason’s surprise. His uncontrollable smile brightened up the room as he comforted her. “I’m sorry, baby. I forgot that was what you want. which one did you want from Mr. Accetta’s? ”

“The one with the meat and cheese with the green peppers…” Y/N said absent mindedly as Jason felt like bouncing with joy as he pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. She sweetly smiles up at him and presses a kiss to his lips, initiating the kiss for the first time as Jason’s heart swelled.

Mr.Accetta’s closed down a year and a half ago after Mr. Frank Accetta died, so Jason happily found the closest thing even if she looked confused when he came back, not entirely remembering the conversation.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

All of that accumulated in more moments where she would remember her past life. Jason, of course, only helped her remember the good memories only.

Like baking her the cookies Alfred made her when she was sad, reading books softly as the thunderstorms rolled her out into a nightmare, and talking about their future curled up into each other as the cold air seemed through the old walls of their apartment.

She wasn’t fully back. But she was now shining a bit in her eyes as he listened to talk about anything she wanted. Moments like this were the pockets of heaven.

But there was also pockets of reality.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“No! no! no!” He violently screamed and kicked as he fought the invisible monsters that continued to hurt him in the mental battlefield of his mind. The painfully real snap of a bone breaking woke him up as Y/N’s cries filled the room.

Y/N was no stranger to nightmares either as sometimes he would trigger her own nightmares. While normally one would wake up when they realize it, there was times where they would hurt each other on accident.

Because Jason was bigger and stronger than Y/N, he would often only get a scratch to the face or a good bruise on his skin, but he wouldn’t be honest if he said that he did feel his heart break when he unintentionally injured her severely.

Broken bones, dark blotches, and panic attacks filled her misery as Jason was left feeling guilty. Once she was awake and her bone was reset, she would calm down and start comforting the now anxious Jason.

He knew it was unhealthy. He could end up killing her one day, but he was a selfish man. Like a stray dog being fed. He couldn’t leave her now.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Her whimpers mixed with his as the two clung to each other. Their hips absentmindedly chasing their highs with no real coordination. Their inexperienced hands exploring their scarred bodies as they tried to erase those painful memories with each other’s touch. Their prayers acting like a balm as they were recited in the small space between them.

Moments like these, where they just wanted to just live in their bubble of corrupted love and misplaced lust. In this haze where he will come back from being the Red Hood, hands stained with blood, Y/N waits with open arms, ready to be embraced by his soiled hands.

The universe put almost everything between them to keep the pair apart, but not even death and torture could rip them apart. Not even the danger of each other can destroy their unhealthy connection. Jason knows he’s fucked in the head, to treat her like this and put her in danger all the time, but he can’t pull away.

Not when she sounded so sweet in his ear as she fell apart for him. Her tears being the fuel he needed to mark her body and soul with himself. Their foreheads pressed together as she whispers the same words that haunted him.

“I love you, Jay..”

“I love you too, baby girl…”

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AN : Not gonna lie, this isn’t my favorite. I already had it written and wanted to share it because I need my fix of hurt comfort or whatever this counts as. I do intend to post more of the similar Arkham Knight x Reanimated Batgirl dynamic in the future, some more fluffy or darker if I can imagine it. I’m also gonna write stuff for other fandoms too so look out for a masterlist if you’re interested. Thank yall again for the love and I hope yall have a safe day.

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@simpingforheros fanfiction. I do not authorize the plagiarism, copying, stealing or reposting of any of my fanfics on other websites or accounts.

[cursedonyx]

The Bars Between Us

Sebastian Sallow x MC

Oneshot AU in which Sebastian was sent to Azkaban despite Ominis and MC (named Dracaena in this fic because it’s my current favourite name) trying to keep his secrets. Ominis and Dracaena spent the next several years trying to free him, and eventually succeed. Sebastian is not the same, Azkaban has sapped him of everything he once was, but a little TLC from the woman he has always loved sets him back on track.

Word Count – 8.6k

Warnings – Angst, traumatised Sebastian, aftermath of Azkaban, engaged Ominis/MC, Ominis approves MC sleeping with Seb, seriously Seb’s been through the wringer, Azkaban is horrible, nursing Seb back to health, smut (MDNI), handjob M!receiving, oral M!receiving, sub!Sebastian, MC feels a bit guilty bc her boy is a wreck

Six years.

It had been six years since the terrible events of fifth year, and six years since Sebastian had stood trial for the murder of Solomon Sallow. Six years since he was sentenced to life in Azkaban.

Six years since Dracaena and Ominis had scrambled to find out who had condemned him, and vowed to make it right.

No sooner had they left Hogwarts, not able to fully appreciate the finality of riding the little boats across the Black Lake towards Hogsmeade station, leaving behind the place in which they had matured into adults, leaving behind the wonders and horrors in equal parts, that they both signed up for jobs at the Ministry for Magic, working in Magical Law Enforcement, searching for some kind of loophole, some kind of law, some kind of anything that would get their best friend released from hell.

After four agonising years, they managed it. Together, pouring over paperwork by candlelight until the small hours for months, they built a solid defence, their unwavering logic and staunch reasoning standing up to the needlepoint scrutiny of the powers that be. Of course, they knew it was a long shot all the same. The Ministry simply didn’t care about extenuating circumstances, considering those incarcerated to be less than human, doomed to serve their time no matter what new evidence came to light.

Ominis had to throw his weight around a bit. Subtle, hissed threats, muttered warnings and an overuse of his famous glare and family name eventually frightened enough people to get those with the ability to make changes to listen. And then Dracaena came in, her fame and her charm the honey to Ominis’ salt, making promises she never intended to keep, assuring those too nervous to make the jump to support them, doing favours that left an unsavoury taste in the back of her throat.

All of it proved worth it in the end. Sebastian’s release papers were handed over, and Dracaena packed a small bag.

“I’ll be a week,” she said to Ominis. “They want him to stay in a sort of halfway house for a while, to make sure he’s not going to go mental and start hexing everyone in sight. Personally, I’m just glad he’s going to get some time to start readjusting to life outside.” She tilted her head. “Won’t you come with me?”

“Best not,” Ominis said, for the fiftieth time, his patience unending. “I don’t want to overwhelm him, and you’ve always known how to calm him down when he gets too… well.”

She chuckled lightly. “That’s assuming he’s not a complete wreck. I hope it’s not affected him too badly.”

“Dove… he’s going to be very different to what we remember,” Ominis replied, resting a hand on her shoulder as she folded her clothes. “He won’t be the Sebastian we knew.”

“I know,” she raised her hand to his, smiling as he looped his other arm around her belly and held her tight. She tilted her head back to rest against his shoulder as he brushed a kiss over her cheek. “I hope he’s forgiven us for not doing more sooner.”

“He’ll have forgiven you,” Ominis said. “He always had a soft spot for you. I rather expect, even after all this time, that he’s still in love with you.”

Dracaena kept her silence. She and Ominis had naturally fallen together towards the end of their sixth year of Hogwarts, their shared experiences and pain leading them to comfort one another, she taking Sebastian and Anne’s place as Ominis’ refuge from his family, moving in together once they’d left the school. In a small way, she was surprised it had taken him as long as it had to propose, presenting her with an elegant ring of emerald and diamond set in white gold six months ago. She’d accepted gladly, though a tiny part of her mourned what that meant for Sebastian.

She loved Ominis with all her heart and more. She adored his gentleness, his respect, his kindness and consideration. She admired his steel, the restrained fury with which he dealt with their enemies, both inside and outside of work, his searing wit and boundless intelligence. She relished his talent as a wizard, and fell in love with him over and over again with each morning they woke beside each other, still spent from their passions, safe in each other’s arms.

But she still loved Sebastian.

Ominis tightened his arm around her.

“It’s alright,” he whispered. “I know how you felt about him. I know how you feel. If things hadn’t ended the way they did, I would have expected the pair of you to be married by now.” He brushed a hand over her hair. “Dracaena… he’s my best friend. I want him to stay with us. We have the room, and he’d be safer than if he was just left to try and survive by himself after all he will have been through. I know you and him well enough to know you’re drawn to each other.”

“But I’m yours,” she whispered, moving his hand to brush over her ring. “Remember?”

He shrugged. “I know. I trust you. I know that if you said nothing would happen between you, I would believe you because it would be true. But you’d be unhappy. You both would. I know you’re not going to leave me for him, Dracaena, but I know you also make each other happy. He’s going to need all the love and support he can get once he’s out. I’d hope that you can give that to him.”

She tilted her head. “Ominis… are you giving me permission to… play away with your best friend?”

He chuckled. “Don’t cheapen it,” his elegant fingers found her cheek, tilting her head so he could kiss her full. “I’m telling you that if you two happen to come together again, I support it. Didn’t you once tell me you’d have liked it if you could have had us both?”

“I was drunk!” she protested, giggling as he dug his fingers into her ribs, ticking her gently. “You can’t use that against me!”

“I can and will,” he laughed, holding her tight. “I mean it, Dracaena. I don’t mind at all, so long as it’s only him. He’s my brother as far as I’m concerned, and I trust you both.”

“You might regret it,” Dracaena warned.

“If I do, we’ll talk about it, and find a way to resolve it,” he said, releasing her at last. “Go on now, you need to get to the dock. Send me an owl once he’s settled.”

“I will.”

He brushed a hand over her cheek. “See you in a week. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

_.-~*~-._

The sky was a stormy grey, and the waves below were similarly sullen. They crashed against the side of the boat, sending salty sprays onto the deck as if it was their mission to knock the vessel off course.

Dracaena sat between two stern faced Aurors, her hands folded in her lap. She’d left her bag at the halfway house, a modest, three-roomed bungalow surrounded by similar buildings, grey bricked and dour looking. She had perched on one of the rickety chairs by the small, circular dining table as one of the Aurors explained to her that Sebastian would be under careful watch for the first year following his release, and any missteps would see him sent right back to Azkaban.

She’d only half listened as he went over an itemised list for what she should do during her week’s stay at the halfway house, pinning a sheet of parchment to the wall with the details. She was only to feed him small meals, as he wouldn’t be able to stomach anything more. Nothing rich, nothing too fatty, and no alcohol. She’d frowned, asking why.

“Because the prisoners don’t tend to eat,” he’d said, gruffly. “The dementors have to force them in order to keep them alive.”

She’d shivered then, and she shivered now, remembering. They weren’t allowed to leave the halfway house, except for at specific times each day to walk around the complex for ten minutes at a time, to build up his strength. She had to write a detailed report at the end of each day to give to the Aurors, describing their conversations and activities. She was sternly warned that if she didn’t, there would be Trouble. Said Trouble was left unspecified, and she didn’t have the heart to ask.

Dracaena shifted, watching as something huge, angular and black began to rise from the waves, impossibly tall, impossibly wide, made entirely of stone. Only a few small windows lay in the surface, like knife wounds in flesh. Her hands tightened in her lap as dread began to seep under her skin, a visceral fear prickling over her neck and shoulders. She was only going to be there for a short time, to bring her best friend home. She couldn’t imagine how Sebastian would have felt, seeing that pillar of misery approach, believing he would never leave.

She loosed a soft breath, eyeing the distant, tattered black shapes swooping around outside it. He would leave. He would leave with her, and everything would be alright.

The boat approached a yawning cavern at the base of the prison, the Aurors casting a Patronus each, a mouse and a raven. There was a dock in the cavern, the blackness chased away by sparsely placed sconces in the damp, glistening walls. Standing there waiting was a hunched little man, balding on top with buck teeth and a sickly smile. He had a Patronus as well, something that looked like a cross between an ailing puppy and a wall-eyed rat.

Dracaena stepped off the boat, shivering, the feeling of dread still creeping under her clothes and caressing her skin. She set her jaw, drew her wand, and cast a Patronus of her own.

An elegant panther touched its paws to the stone, gazing around imperiously as the Aurors and the little man raised their brows, the dread vanishing from her chest as if it had never been. From the shadows around the walls, several rattling voices gurgled and hissed, as if angry.

“Where is he?” she demanded.

“Cell 506,” the little man said, rubbing his hands together with a grin that seemed entirely too cheerful for such a place. “Follow me, my dear.”

The patronuses cast silvery blue light on the walls as they ascended a surprisingly wide staircase, their footsteps echoing. Reaching the first floor, the little man produced a set of keys and unlocked a heavy, barred door.

“No need for magic here,” he cackled. “No one’s got their wands, have they?”

They strode into a cell block, and Dracaena recoiled. The scent of filth was overwhelming, but it was the sounds that chilled her. Her Patronus flickered, moving to stand beside her as desperate sobs filled her ears, tortured cries and garbled, gibbering wails singing in a hellish harmony that echoed off the walls.

The sounds died down as the little man and the Aurors encouraged her on, and though she tried to face forward, to ignore the figures in the cells, she couldn’t help but notice how they scrambled towards the bars, their bony, wasted hands reaching through, stretching for the patronuses as the tattered shadows of the dementors fled their presence. The screams began again as they passed, somehow more agonised than before.

They repeated this four more times, ascending rapidly narrowing staircases and emerging into a new cell block, climbing higher and higher, taunting the prisoners with the promise of relief from their misery in their passing. With each step, Dracaena’s heart beat just a little faster, her grip on her wand increasing, the hackles on her panther Patronus rising as she bared her teeth.

By the time they reached the fifth floor, her palms were sweating. How different would he be? Would the Sebastian she knew and loved still be there, somewhere? Would his eyes still sparkle with the mischief he was so adept at making, at once sliding into fury when he was challenged, and softening whenever he looked at her? She knew he’d be different. He’d look different. He’d act different. But she had to believe he was still there.

No matter her provisions, in the following years, Dracaena didn’t think there was anything on earth that could have prepared her for what she saw when she finally reached Sebastian’s cell.

Unlike so many of the other prisoners, he wasn’t screaming or crying, and he didn’t rush to the bars to feel the passing warmth of the patronuses. He huddled by the wall, next to a narrow mattress and ratty blanket laid directly on the floor. His hair was halfway down to his elbows, thick and matted, almost black with grime. He was dressed as they all were, in a filthy pair of striped trousers and shirt, and they hung loose on his frame. His head was on his arms, resting on his knees, drawn to his chest. The hand she could see was almost skeletal, every inch of boyish puppy fat stripped from his body. His nails were bitten to the quick and filthy, as were his bare feet.

Dracaena raised a hand to the bars, her heart shattering as she took him in, watching as he shivered.

“See, he’s one of the tough ones,” the little man said, with a chuckle. “Just keeps to himself, terribly well behaved. Shame to see him go, really.”

Dracaena tightened her grip on her wand to the point she thought it might snap. She turned to the little man, letting her expression say everything she dared not voice, for if she opened her mouth, she would likely find herself in a cell of her own. The little man seemed to understand, because his sick grin slipped, and he hurried to unlock the cell door. She barged him out the way before he’d even pulled the key from the lock, striding inside and falling to her knees before the broken man she had loved.

“Sebastian?” she whispered, her Patronus sitting in front of the door and glowering. He didn’t move. “Sebastian, it’s time to go.”

He stirred, his fingers tightening on his sleeve. She reached out, brushing a hand over his arm, and he flinched.

“Bassy,” she whispered, the pet name she’d given him both foreign and familiar on her tongue. He tensed, finally raising his head. His chocolate eyes, once so full of life, were dull and defeated above hollow cheeks and a beard that reached his collar. Even so he was familiar to her, the rampant freckles scattering his skin like constellations a siren call to their bond. He blinked, focusing, and didn’t say a word.

“Bassy, it’s time to go,” she said again, cupping his cheek, sliding her thumb over the protruding bone, her fingers winding into the thatch of hair at the back of his neck. He flinched away again, his expression becoming fearful, his eyes darting around the cell.

“Happens sometimes,” the little man said sullenly from beyond the bars. “They forget who they are. Forget who they knew. He’s not said a word in five years, so don’t expect him to. He probably thinks this is some kind of joke.”

She shot another glare that could melt steel through the bars, then shifted her position, grasping Sebastian by the arms and standing, heaving him to his feet.

He came up with almost no resistance, and she staggered, almost flinging him into the air, horrified by how light he was. He made a small sound of muted alarm as he left the floor.

“I’m sorry,” she said, relaxing her grip. She grabbed for him again when he slumped, his legs refusing to support his weight. She glanced through the bars again as the Aurors stirred.

“We’ll have to drag him,” one said. “Prisoners sometimes forget how to walk, or they just don’t have the will.”

“You’re not dragging anybody,” she spat. She looped an arm around Sebastian’s back, bending to catch his legs, lifting him in her arms like a child. He tensed, then slumped, his head lolling against her shoulder. He was so light, so alarmingly fragile, as if he was made of parchment, ready to tear apart at the slightest movement. Her heart broke again, and her Patronus flickered as she cradled him. Without another word, she marched from the cell, heading for the doors, the other prisoners gibbering as she passed, begging her to take them too, to leave her Patronus, to kill them. She paid them no mind, focusing on holding Sebastian tight to her chest, his feet swinging, his breath rushing over her neck. His hands were folded on his stomach, and one of them slid to her, pinching the fabric of her cloak, then holding gently.

She held him all the way to the dock, refusing to release her grip as she settled back on the boat. She raised a hand to his hair, gently running over the back of his head. It left streaks of grime on her fingers, but she didn’t care. A deep, boiling anger simmered in her chest. Anger for what he’d been put through. Anger that anyone was forced to endure such a hellish place. But mostly, she was furious with herself for allowing this to happen, furious with Ominis for knowing what Azkaban was like, and letting him be taken anyway, the word of some unknown person sealing his fate.

It didn’t matter that they’d spent the next six years trying to find a way to free him. The damage had been done. She felt it in his trembling breath, in the way he held onto her cloak so gently, knowing in her bones that it was the tightest grip he could muster. She wrapped her arms around him more securely, resting her cheek against his forehead, whispering soft words of comfort as her collar grew sodden with his silent tears.

_.-~*~-._

Dracaena carried Sebastian over the threshold of the halfway house in much the same way a groom carries his bride. She wasn’t blind to the imagery, and wondered if Ominis would do the same to her once they were married. Would he be able to navigate if his hands were full of her body and not his wand? Probably. He was astonishingly capable, to the point she often wondered if his blindness really was total, like he said. Perhaps he had some Seer blood in him that aided him. It would certainly go a long way to explain how he always seemed to know everything, even things he shouldn’t know.

She kicked the door shut in the faces of the Aurors that had accompanied them.

She eyed the living room of the halfway house, the low sofa facing the kitchenette and dining table. Through one of the doors was a little bedroom, and through the other was a tiny, cramped bathroom. It was towards this that she headed, conjuring a low seat, in which she deposited Sebastian. He was unresponsive as she stood back with a light sigh, gazing down at him and eyeing the stains left on her robes.

She pulled off her cloak and overrobes, standing before him in a simple pair of trousers and vest top, tossing her robes through the still open door, before kneeling down in front of him.

“First order of business,” she said, softly. “We’re here for a week, Bassy. We’ve got a to-do list, but I’ll take care of it as best I can. I’ll need your help, though. Can you do that for me?”

His throat worked a moment, then he gave a tiny, barely perceptible nod. Dracaena loosed a soft breath. At least he was listening to her.

“I think you’d feel a lot better after a shower,” she said, keeping her tone low and soothing. “Would you like that?”

Another miniscule nod.

“Can you take care of that, or would you like some help?”

No response to that. She tilted her head, waiting, her hands on his knees, until he glanced at her, his eyes lighting on hers and flicking away again like a moth fluttering about a lantern. They were still dull and hollow, curtained by the matted strands of his hair. She reached up and brushed a hand over it.

“I think we need to give you a haircut,” she said. “I can’t think of a single brush that can save it, I’m afraid, it's too tangled. Can I cut your hair for you? And maybe this?” she ran her hand over the wild beard. “Much as I think a beard suits you, it could do with a trim, don’t you think?”

A tiny nod, ever so slightly more vigorous than the last. She smiled, and reached behind her, fumbling in the cabinet for scissors.

“I’ll save what I can,” she said, taking a ropey strand of his hair between her fingers. “I can’t imagine you’d enjoy being bald.”

A miniscule exhalation. She tilted her head.

“Was that a laugh, darling?”

He didn’t answer, but leaned forward, resting his head on her shoulder. She set the scissors aside a moment and wrapped her arms around his back, alarmed to feel the bones of his spine poking through his skin. She held him gently until his arms rose, gripping the back of her top with a featherlight touch. He shivered, his breath trembling on the exhale. She held him tighter, pressing her cheek to his.

“It’s alright,” she murmured, circling her hand over his back. “You’re safe, Bassy. You’re out. You’re not going back there, okay? Once we’ve done what we have to here, you’re going to come and live with me and Ominis. We’ll look after you.”

She felt his jaw clench a moment, then he sat back, meeting her eyes properly for the first time. He held her gaze a long moment, before it dropped to her hands, resting on his knees again. He touched her ring, his skeletal fingers brushing over the emeralds and diamonds. He sighed, seemingly caving in on himself.

“Congratulations,” he said, his voice so quiet she could barely hear it over the rasp of his throat.

She could have cried, then. God only knew what he’d been thinking when he was trapped in that cell. Had he been hoping she’d come for him? That she’d have waited for him? Had he tortured himself with thoughts of other people getting close to her, loving her? Had he known on some level that she and Ominis would end up together, engaged, and soon to be married? Had he loved her as she loved him once, and wished it was he that slid the ring onto her finger?

What would he think if she told him of Ominis’ offer?

“Thank you,” she said. Best not to overload him. She should have taken her ring off, but it was too late for that now. She raised a hand to his hair again. “I… I’ll be honest, I’ve never done this before. It won’t be a brilliant job, but it’ll help.”

He gave another miniscule nod, and closed his eyes. She gazed at him a while longer, then picked up the scissors, sliding them through the matted tangle of his hair before closing them with a decisive snick.

_.-~*~-._

Shorn of his beard and most of his hair, Sebastian was beginning to look a little more like himself, though his face was terribly gaunt, his cheeks hollow, the sharp lines of his jaw standing out above his brittle neck. Dracaena vanished the pile of hair with a flick of her wand, then reached over to the bathtub, turning on the shower and holding her hand in the stream until it warmed to a comfortable temperature.

“Shall I leave you to it?” she asked. “I can give you some privacy.”

He didn’t answer, his hollow gaze turned inward, slumping slightly in his chair. She took his chin and tilted his face to hers, waiting until his eyes focused. “Bassy, do you want me to help?”

He blinked, slowly, his gaze turning distant again. With a light sigh, Dracaena lowered her fingers to the buttons of his shirt, slowly prying them open, one by one. At each, she paused, looking at him until he gave a tiny nod. She withheld a wince with some difficulty as she gently pulled it from his shoulders, able to see each rib through his skin, streaked with grime. Her heart broke a third time.

“Can you stand?” she asked, gently. “We should get these off too.” She touched the leg of his trousers. He didn’t answer, so she tucked her hands under his arms and rose, bringing him with her. He leaned against her, his arms rising to clutch at her back again as she nimbly undid the drawstring. The clothing crumpled straight to the floor, far too large for his frame. She averted her eyes, helping him step under the stream of warm water, lowering him to sit, and he drew his knees to his chest.

How many times in her fifth year had she wondered what he’d look like under his robes? Countless times, lying awake at night, or daydreaming in class. Now he was here it felt somehow wrong, like a violation to take the opportunity to drink in his form when he was so vulnerable. So she didn’t look, focusing on his face as his short hair plastered to his scalp, the water turning black as it streamed over his skin. She pressed a washcloth into his hands, and he held it, but made no further move.

“Come on darling,” she murmured. “Help me out a little bit?”

No response. With a soft smile, she picked up another washcloth and slid it over his back, applying light pressure to the more stubborn patches of dirt. Sebastian closed his eyes, resting his head on his crossed arms as she soaped his back, his grip on his own cloth tightening a little. And even though she resisted, scolding herself silently, Dracaena couldn’t help but look at him properly. Under the steadily vanishing grime, his back and shoulders were as freckled as his face, fading the further her eyes travelled down his spine and arms. He was a lot paler than she remembered, but then he’d gone from an outdoorsy, adventurous nerd to a prisoner in a cell, not a speck of natural light to be found. She’d have to make sure there was a decent spot in the garden for him to relax, once they were all home.

She nibbled her lip, glancing at his slender thighs, once thick. No freckles there. A few on his calves, none on his feet. She wrenched her gaze away before it strayed any further, and she slipped a hand under his chin, tilting his head back so she could get to his hair. He closed his eyes with a tiny sigh as she rubbed suds through the thick strands, massaging his scalp gently until she was sure every speck of dirt was gone. She pressed a hand to his collarbone.

“Sit up straight, darling,” she whispered. “I need to get to your chest.”

He acquiesced, leaning back until he overbalanced. Dracaena caught him with a startled yelp, an arm around his back, spluttering a little as her head and shoulders entered the shower stream. His legs stretched out as he slumped against her arm, his head turning to her shoulder, his eyes still closed. She caught her breath, blinking water out of her eyes.

“You alright?”

A tiny nod.

She took a breath, and keeping her gaze firmly fixed above his waistline, she moved the cloth over his torso, trying not to admire the fine hair dusting his chest, focusing on removing every speck of dirt she could see. She took her time, because at some point, she was going to have to try to convince him, again, to help himself. There was only so far she could reasonably go when he was so out of it, despite what Ominis had said.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to look, or to touch… to taste. It wasn’t that she had any problems in taking care of Sebastian in whatever way he needed. It was that he was fresh out of Azkaban, barely four hours free, still confused and addled and traumatised and broken, and she couldn’t assume that he would want anything to do with her at all.

It was still difficult. She shifted, her arm around his back, propping him up as she gripped his shoulder, his head resting against hers, flipping her sodden hair out of her face, her top already soaked. She circled the cloth over his chest a final time, sliding it over his nipple, and he groaned.

The sound was so soft that she thought for a moment she’d imagined it. She paused, swallowed, and repeated the movement. He sighed, tucking his head more firmly against her shoulder, and out of the corner of her eye, she caught a stirring.

Dracaena closed her eyes, willing herself to cool the heat rising from under her collar. She was his friend, that was all, helping him after a terrible ordeal. She couldn’t possibly take advantage of him, not now, not when he was vulnerable and needed her to help him. He wasn’t in his right mind. She had to be strong for them both. In time, perhaps she could, but…

She steeled herself and returned to the job at hand, sliding a bar of soap over his stomach and following it with the cloth. The water ran clear over his body, though it still pooled brown and grimy by his feet and legs, and-

She wrenched her eyes back up, glaring at the pale tiles of the bathroom wall.

“You going to give me a hand?” she asked. “I’m getting soaked.”

Again, no response. He slumped against her, his breathing perhaps a little quicker than before. Hardening herself, Dracaena took the washcloth to his thighs, scrubbing perhaps a little firmer than she had before, tucking a hand under his knee to bring his leg closer so she could still support him. Her back was beginning to ache, bent over the bath as she was, but she ignored the dull fire spreading under her shoulder blades, focusing on her task. All the same, she couldn’t help but notice how he shifted, widening his legs with another soft sigh, his hand sliding over her back to grip at her shoulder as she worked. She slid the cloth over the inside of his thigh, and a soft, almost strangled whimper passed his lips as he tilted towards her.

Dracaena had endured many trials in her life. Stopping a goblin rebellion, defeating a power-crazed, dragon-transformed lunatic set on killing her, as well as countless attacks from poachers and Ashwinders, defeating a powerful Dark Wizard in single combat and more. So much more. Still, if anyone had asked her in the later years what she found the most difficult trial of all, she would have said in a heartbeat that ignoring Sebastian’s throbbing erection as she washed him was among the top three.

She did steal a glance or five. She was only human, after all. And by God, he was beautiful. Not quite as long as Ominis, but thicker, a darker shade, the lush pink of Ominis’ love more a light burgundy with Sebastian, and the way he rested against his stomach, his toes curling as the shower stream rushed over him was more intoxicating than heroin. There was nothing more that she wanted than to wrap her hand around his length and draw him to the edge of bliss, to let him revel in the delights so long denied him, to hear him moan and whimper her name…

Again, Ominis’ assurances that he was not only fine with her playing away with Sebastian, but that he expected it ran through her mind. She loosed a soft breath as she moved the washcloth to his hips, his grip increasing on her arm as his breathing rushed past her ear. She set her jaw.

She couldn’t.

“I need to get some things ready,” she said, firmly. “Finish up, Bassy, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

She waited until his grip on her arm loosened, helping him sit upright. It pained her to leave him alone, huddled and defenceless as she strode for the door, wringing water from her hair and drying it with a wave of her wand. But she had to. God and Merlin only knew what she would have done otherwise. He was too fresh, too vulnerable. How could she take advantage of him like that? How could she even think it?

Biting her lip, she settled at the small table and drew parchment and quill towards her, penning a short note.

My darling Ominis,

Sebastian is with me in the halfway house, and all things considered, he’s as well as he can be. I don’t want to alarm you, but he’s lost a lot of weight and isn’t very responsive, and I expect it will take some time before he’s better. You were right, he’s not as we remember, but I feel the old Sebastian is still there, somewhere.

I miss you. I love you. I can’t wait to be home with you.

Dracaena.

She wanted to add another line, clarifying that Ominis had meant what he said, hoping he would change his mind, for if he demanded she remain solely his it would be easier to deny the stirrings she felt for Sebastian. But he wouldn’t deny her, he wouldn’t refuse. He’d almost been insistent.

She sealed the letter instead, opening the door and beckoning the owl perched nearby. It took the note in its beak and flew off, soon lost amongst the clouds. She took a breath, noting the dark figures leaning against the walls of the surrounding buildings, the curtains twitching in windows. She made a face and retreated back inside. Christ, with the number of Aurors surrounding them, it was almost like Sebastian was a mass-murdering lunatic, not a broken man who had paid a price far dearer than the death of his horrible uncle warranted.

She tilted her head as the sounds of running water from the bathroom shut off. She waited as a shadow moved beyond the open door. It seemed that Sebastian could get about by himself if he needed to. That was good. She moved to the kitchenette, opening the cupboards and grimacing. Simple foods like porridge oats, rounds of dark bread and rice nestled beside tins of nondescript meat and vegetables huddled on the shelves. Dull fare for certain, and she wished she could use her Ancient Magic to conjure something more palatable, but it didn’t work that way. Sebastian had always been fond of sweet things, and there wasn’t a gram of sugar to be found.

She pulled a few items down and set about making a simple meal of white fish and rice with a side of green beans, careful not to make too much. He’d need time to adjust to eating real food again, and she had no idea what he’d been forced to eat behind bars.

Dracaena turned at a slight noise to find Sebastian standing in the doorway of the bathroom, leaning heavily against the frame, a towel around his waist. He gave her the beginnings of a tired, shy smile, only the corners of his mouth twitching. She left the saucepan and rushed to him.

“There’s clothes in the bedroom,” she said, leading him, an arm around his waist as he slumped against her. “We’ll have some dinner and get you settled for the night, yeah?”

He nodded, a firmer, more decisive action than before. Depositing him on the bed, which creaked, she ferreted around in the old wardrobe, bringing out a selection of shirts and trousers.

“Any preference, or are you not fussy?”

He blinked slowly, his eyes on her, seemingly indifferent about the clothes in her hands. With a shrug, she picked out a dark shirt and pair of trousers, leaving them on the bed.

“I’ll leave you to it, darling, if you need-”

His hand found hers, and she paused, turning to him, finding the corners of his eyes glimmering.

His lips parted, his throat working a moment before his voice found its way out, hushed and rasping.

“This… is real? You’re… really here?”

She knelt before him, taking both his hands in hers.

“Of course it’s real,” she whispered. “Bassy… Ominis and I have spent the last six years trying to find a way to free you. You didn’t deserve what happened to you, you didn’t deserve Azkaban. You’re coming home with us, and you’ll never go back, alright?”

He nodded again, a tiny smile touching his lips.

“You… got me out?”

“I’m sorry it took so long,” she said. “We had to bully a lot of people, rewrite some laws, and build a case. It took ages, Bassy, but we never gave up. We just wanted you home with us.”

“And…” he drew a breath, as if the act of speaking fatigued him beyond all reason. “Anne?”

Dracaena hesitated. She knew this would come up, but she’d hoped it wouldn’t be so soon. The reason for his fighting, the reason for his research, the reason for his mistake. How could she tell him that the curse that plagued his sister had taken her life three years ago?

It would break him. Destroy him in ways that Azkaban never could.

“Time enough for that later,” she said, forcing a smile onto her face. “What’s important right now is getting you back on your feet, alright?”

It was a poor answer, and she knew it. Sebastian had never been one to let things lie, least of all something as important as his twin, whom she had buried with Ominis on a beautiful hill overlooking Feldcroft on a blossom-strewn spring morning, the pair of them shedding silent tears not just for the senseless loss of life, but because it meant everything Sebastian had sacrificed had been for nothing. But Sebastian didn’t question her further, merely nodding again and releasing her hands, reaching for the clothes.

Dracaena returned to the kitchen in time to put out a small fire that had started in the pan. She swore and pulled out another tin of white fish, vanishing the blackened mess with a wave of her wand.

Sebastian joined her at the small table not long after, clinging to the walls and countertops to support himself until she hurried over, pulling his arm over her shoulders. Though his first mouthful of food was hesitant, he soon fell upon it like a man starved, going so far as to toss his fork aside and eat with his hands. Once he was done, he held himself still, staring at his plate before the hollowness returned to his eyes, and he withdrew into himself, drawing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, staring at nothing as Dracaena pushed her plate aside, her appetite quite gone.

“You should sleep,” she said, softly. She rose and took his hand, drawing him to his feet and tucking an arm around his waist, leading him to the bedroom. She sat him down, helping him unbutton his shirt, pausing as she reached the hilt of his trousers.

“There’s… there’s pyjamas and things in the wardrobe,” she said. “I can get them for you?”

Sebastian didn’t answer, his eyes dragging with tiredness, but his hand snared hers as she rose.

“Stay?” he rasped. “Please?”

It took every ounce of her self-control to refuse.

“You’ll be alright,” she said. “You’re safe here, Bassy.”

His throat worked a moment, and he nodded, his hand sliding from her grip. Dracaena returned to the living room, setting the dinner things to wash and settling down on the sofa, conjuring a blanket and removing her clothes, lying down in just her underthings.

Ominis was on her mind as she settled to sleep, wishing he was here with her. She longed to feel his elegant arms around her, to reassure her, to comfort her as she wept silently for all the pain their dearest friend had endured.

_.-~*~-._

Dracaena work to darkness and agonised, desperate screams.

She bolted from the sofa, her heart in her throat as she tore towards the sound, her mind conjuring horrors beyond mortal imagining as she burst into the bedroom. Sebastian was huddled in a corner, his arms splayed against the walls, his knees drawn to his chest, his eyes wild as he tried to press himself through the brick and plaster, cowering away from something she couldn’t see.

“Sebastian!” she dashed over, grabbing for his shoulders, and he lashed out, howling, the side of his hand connecting with her temple, and she saw stars. Shaking herself, she grabbed for him again as he fought against her, yelling wordlessly. “Sebastian, it’s me! It’s alright! Calm down, please!”

He pushed back against the wall, soft, keening sounds wrenching from his throat, his eyes unseeing as she wrapped her arms around him, gasping comforting words into his ear. Eventually, his arms rose to encircle her, burying his face in her shoulder and weeping helplessly.

“It’s alright…” she murmured. “It’s alright, darling. There’s nothing here that can hurt you. You’re safe.”

Sebastian just cried, clinging to her as she settled on his thighs, wishing she could hold him tighter, wishing she had more arms to wrap around him, to hold him more securely than she could, her hand circling over his back, the other wound into his hair as he sobbed into her shoulder.

“It was just a nightmare, darling,” she murmured. “That’s all. Nothing more. You’re alright.”

It took a long time before Sebastian was able to calm down, his frightened sobs becoming whimpers, quietening to harsh breaths as he grasped at her back, shivering so hard she thought he could power a small house.

“What was it?” Dracaena asked, leaning back a little and cupping his face. “Darling, what did you see?”

He shook his head, his face tear-stained, pulling her back to him and resting his head against her shoulder again.

“I-I’m… sorry,” he managed.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” she assured him. “Bassy, I’ve no idea what you’ve been through, but I’m here to help you. Tell me what you need.”

“Stay… with me,” he whimpered, holding her as tight as he could, though the strength of his arms was little more than strands of silk. “Please, Drac… Don’t leave me alone.”

With a muted nod, she tucked her hands under his arms again, levering him upright and guiding him to the bed, laying him down and tucking him in, before settling atop the covers. Sebastian turned over, his arm looping over her side.

“Will… you be… warm enough?” he whispered.

“I’ll be fine,” she assured him. “Get some rest, love, I’ll be right here.”

“Come under,” he insisted, snuggling closer to her. “Please, Drac. I… I haven’t touched… another person in… years. I… I-I need to be close… to you.”

She hesitated, and Sebastian huddled up to her, his hands tight at her back, his skin fire against hers.

“Drac… I-I’m sorry, I-I know you’re… with Ominis, I don’t want… to upset you… or spoil that. I-I just need… to be close to you… please. I don’t want to be alone.”

Setting her jaw, Dracaena slid under the covers, wrapping her arms around him as he snuggled into her, his head against her collarbone, his body pressed to hers, almost as though he needed to become a part of her, to meld his flesh with hers, the pads of his fingers digging into her back.

She held him tight as he shivered, wishing she could take the pain he suffered and draw it into herself to shield him from the horrors he had endured. But she couldn’t. She could only lie there, holding him, stroking his hair as he pressed his face between her breasts, his skeletal frame wracked with shudders as guilt seared through every fibre of her being. She pulled him closer, and he groaned softly.

Dracaena couldn’t ignore the hardness that pressed against her, as much as she wanted to. Despite Ominis’ assurances, she needed to be strong, to show him she cared for Sebastian as more than just a vessel for carnal pleasure. She didn’t need that. As she was with Ominis, her own bliss mattered less than that of her partner, her delight being in when she brought him to the edge of paradise and sent him over, soaring on clouds of ecstasy. Would it be so wrong to gift the same to Sebastian, when her fiancée had condoned it?

Sebastian groaned softly, the tip of his erection nudging against the soft flesh of her abdomen, straining against his pyjamas. He nuzzled against her breasts, only the thin lace separating their skin. Dracaena drew a soft breath. No matter her concerns, perhaps this was what he needed. Had she not vowed to care for him, no matter what he needed? Her hand slid over his side, over the ridges of his ribs, gliding over the hollow between them and his hip, coming to rest on the sharp protrusion of bone. Sebastian whimpered softly, tilting his body towards her hand.

“Are you sure?” she breathed. “Is this what you want?”

“Yes…” he whispered, the word ragged, forged from a throat too unused to speaking. “Please…”

Still she hesitated, preferring to caress his body, worried that it would be too much for him, worried that no matter his assurances, Ominis would be hurt if she allowed herself to indulge, but Sebastian clung to her, the little strength he had poured into pulling her closer.

“Drac…” he whined softly, writhing against her as her hand sculpted over his chest and stomach. “Please, Drac… please, make me feel human again. Please, please touch me… please… I’ll do anything… I just… I need to feel alive again.”

And hell, she’d be lying if she said she didn’t want to make him feel good after everything he’d been through. She cupped his cheek, turning his face to hers, pressing her lips to his with a softness akin to featherdown and satin. But he responded with fire and fury, his hand clamping against the back of her head, pressing her close as his lips worked magic over hers, scattering the last of her restraint as she wrenched him to her.

His breath came in sharp gasps as she pushed his clothing aside, her hand dipping down to caress the length of him. He tensed, a low moan rising from his throat as she graced her hand along him, before his grip at her back tightened, and he flexed his hips, thrusting into her palm, each movement accompanied by a gasp.

“Please,” he whimpered. “Make me feel good, make me feel right… make me feel real, Drac, please.”

Dracaena sealed her lips to his, drawing his breath into her and sending it back as heaven and light, her hand gliding along his throbbing length, her movements careful and controlled. Sebastian loosed a long, deep moan that seemed to rise from the bottom of his lungs, as if such a sound had been too long caged and finally set free. He sank back to the pillows, his limited strength seemingly spent, his eyes rolling back as his lashes fluttered, and she favoured him with kisses that peppered his face and chased over his neck, pausing only at his chest to swipe her tongue over his nipple. Sebastian groaned, his head rolling from side to side, one hand at her shoulder, the slight pressure increasing as she kissed down his taut stomach.

She could take him any way she wanted. She could pin him down and ravage him until he forgot his own name, she could bend him backward and bury his delicious cock in her throat, she could even turn him over and work a magic inside him that she was certain too few wizards had ever had the fortune to experience. But Dracaena bore down on her desires. Too much could break him. There would be months, years, perhaps, in which she could show him all the wonders she had learned since being with Ominis. She could show Ominis what she learned from Sebastian. She could learn from them both, together, but only if she treated them right.

Sebastian moaned like a starved whore when she flicked her tongue over the flushed head of his cock, his head pressing back into the pillows, his free hand grasping a fistful of the sheets as she slowly kissed along his length. She tucked a hand under his hips as she nuzzled the inside of his thighs, taking a moment to savour the desperate sounds pushed up from the depths of his being, the hand at her shoulder moving to the back of her head, his grip weak but insistent.

She couldn’t deny him any longer. Dracaena flattened her tongue against him and drew it slowly to the tip, already weeping with slick, crystal fluid, his ribs expanding and contracting with each rapid, short breath, his stomach hollowing as his hips bucked towards her. Her free hand found his, and she laced their fingers together as she took him into her mouth at last.

Seven years of longing couldn’t have prepared her for the feel of him against her lips, sliding over her tongue, invading her throat, the deliciousness of his fevered skin, the subtle, peppered tang of his love so similar and yet so different to the gentle salt and sugar of her Ominis. Sebastian’s back arched, his legs falling apart, his hand winding into her hair as his grip on her hand trembled, his thighs beginning to quiver as she flicked her tongue over the underside of his head, so sensitive after so many years of neglect, his voice a wordless song of ecstasy. She sealed her lips and drew them along his shaft, rewarded by a series of frantic moans that rose in fever and pitch. She wanted to pull back, to slow down, to make him wait, the dominant side of her fighting for control, but even she was not that cruel. Instead she bobbed her head faster and faster, lashing her tongue against him until he all but screamed, his hips rising from the bed as his back arched in a curve Fibonacci would be envious of, the beautiful, creamy thickness of his passion coating the cavern of her mouth.

Dracaena drained him of every drop as if her life depended on it, relishing the way he quivered and whined, his body tensing and relaxing with each new flick of her tongue until she raised her head at last, his pale, freckled skin flushed a gorgeous rose, an arm draped across his forehead. She slid up his body to lie beside him, brushing his hair back and wrapping her arms around him as he curled into her, panting.

“You okay?” she breathed, and he huffed a breathless laugh.

“If… if I’d have known… if I had to go… to Azkaban for that…” he nuzzled into her. “I’d have… gone… long ago.”

Dracaena chuckled softly, winding her hand through his hair as he relaxed against her.

“Drac,” he murmured. “I… should have… told you. Back then… I should have said…”

“Shh,” she whispered. “You need to sleep, love.”

“I know,” he replied, already drifting. “But… I should have said… I love you, Drac. I… I always have.”

She held him close.

“I love you too,” she breathed as he slipped into sleep. “Forever and always, I love you.”

Masterlist

Part 2

[writtenonreceipts]

Rowaelin Month Day Six: Misunderstanding Leading to Disaster @rowaelinscourt

Month Masterlist // Hey, Neighbor Masterlist // AO3

a/n: blargh.

Warnings: just me trying to write. ~2.6k words

Hey, Regret

As January slowly slogged on, Aelin tried her best to return to the normal swing of things.  It should have been easy considering work was picking up pace and she’d been spending more time with her friends, not to mention keeping Fleetfoot thoroughly entertained so the poor pup wouldn’t be bored out of her mind.  Yet, as always happened around this time of year, Aelin felt discontent. 

She chalked it up to seasonal depression, vowing for a vacation once winter wound down.  Perhaps not the healthiest way to manage her mental health, but it was the easiest explanation and answer.

Despite it all, there was one thing on her mind that she wasn't sure how to accommodate. And that was her growing attraction to Rowan. She wasn't sure exactly when it had begun. Maybe somewhere along the way after he'd taken her rock climbing or the incident at her parent’s party…but it had grown to something she didn’t know how to deal with herself.  And she didn't even know if the feelings were reciprocated.

It was enough to make her avoid him. She'd been on the receiving end of misplaced affection before and knew how uncomfortable it made her feel and she couldn't wouldn't let Rowan feel the same.

But she still wanted to make sure Rowan knew she appreciated him and what he'd done for her. Over the last several months it had felt like all she'd done was nag and bother and make demands on him.  All she wanted was to show him that she really was grateful for everything.

So, she did what she did best and made a batch of cookies to take down to the firehouse. He only did Search and Rescue with the occasional ranger work but the firehouse was located at the base of the mountain and served as a good base for all the emergency responders in the area.  And since it was mostly where he did his paperwork, it would be the easiest place to find him on a work day.

When she headed out to her car, a strong wind swept through the parking lot.  Another storm was brewing.  If that wind didn’t indicate it, Aelin could practically smell it in the air.  It was different from the scent of rain—not metallic and earthy, but clean and sharp.  Not everyone could sense the difference, especially if you weren’t from Terrasen.  But having spent her entire life here, not even leaving for school—Aelin knew the difference.  And it smelled like snow, a storm, a threat.

It had been a harsh winter given the snow levels, the winds, and more than one avalanche threat.  That knowledge alone caused a shiver to roll down her spine.  The city was due for something to bring everything to a halt which only amped up her sense of unrest.

Aelin shoved it aside as she pulled onto the main road and headed to the firehouse.

She’d thought about bringing Elide with her.  Her friend could offer a miraculous amount of moral support even if she hated people herself.  Unfortunately for Aelin, Elide had parent-teacher conferences all morning.

It was fine.  She knew how to talk to people.  She knew how to talk to Rowan.

By the time she rolled up to the station, thick raindrops splattered against her windshield.  It wouldn’t surprise her if they’d turn to snowflakes within the hour.  She parked and jumped out of the car, grabbing the Tupperware of cookies.

The firehouse had undergone a few different remodels, nothing expansive.  It was clear enough that they were still under budget, what with the peeling siding and moss encroaching along the windows.  But it was clean and it functioned well enough.  Aelin had never actually been inside it.  Maybe once back when she’d been in elementary school.  It had always come across as something off-limits.

As it was, she felt out of place when she walked through the main door.  It was a strange feeling creeping through her, one she didn’t like.  Never had she felt this way.  She was always self-assured and confident that nothing shook her.  Except this, apparently.

“Can I—Well, look who it is.” The voice caught Aelin off-guard and she paused, trying to pinpoint where it had come from.

She finally glanced up to see the man standing in a lofted section of the firehouse.  He leaned against the glass railing looking down at her, blond curls falling to his shoulders and an impish grin alight on his features.  It was one of Rowan’s squad mates that she’d met briefly so many weeks ago.

“Hi,” she said, raising a hand in greeting.

The man was already heading down the stairs to meet her.  Dressed in a navy-blue uniform, crisply pressed and adorned with a few patches and a nametag, he looked smart and well put together.  She’d forgotten it was some unspoken rule for all emergency responders to be ridiculously attractive.  

“Fenrys, right?” she asked as he approached.  He wasn’t quite as tall or big as Rowan, but he was still a wall of muscle.

Cracking a charming grin that boasted a dimple in one cheek, he spread his arms. “The one and only.”

So, he was a flirt.  Aelin could go with that.

“I’m Aelin,” she began, deciding it best to just word vomit away her anxiety.

“Rowan’s neighbor,” Fenrys finished for her. “I remember.  We met on poker night.”

“Did you win?” she asked, “I seem to recall there were some questions about how skilled you actually are.”

Fenrys flashed a devastating smile that once might have had Aelin leaning closer, flashing a smile of her own. Once…she didn’t quite know or understand what was stopping her now.  But now as she stood there with a ridiculously attractive man (in uniform) standing before her, Aelin couldn’t bring it out of her to rise to the bait.  To flirt.  And Aelin loved flirting.  She loved the chase or it all, having fun.  And now…

“Oh, I’m actually quite capable,” Fenrys assured her, that gleam in his eyes still burning.

“Moonbeam!” The shout came from deeper in the station.

Coming from around the back of one of the trucks was Rowan.  He too wore his uniform blues, like Fenrys it only had a nametag and patch of the firehouse sigil.  The fabric of the shirt was tight over his broad shoulders and back.  His silver hair had grown out a little since Aelin had cut it.  Now, it had been styled carefully out of his face, even now a few strands hung down over his forehead.  

Aelin’s fingers tightened around the Tupperware of cookies on instinct.  It only just occurred to her how stupid it was to bring cookies by.  When had she seen Rowan Whitethorn willingly eat sugar?  She knew him well enough to know that he wasn’t a candy or sweets or cookie guy.  Hell in a handbasket.  

“Aelin?” Rowan came to a stop, still several yards away, looking more confused than she’d ever seen him.  It would have been amusing if she herself weren’t just as confused over her own actions.

“Hi.”  She raised the Tupperware in a salute because she was an absolute fool.  “I brought some cookies.”

“And she bakes,” Fenrys said with a low whistle. He inched closer to Aelin, slowly reaching for the cookies. “You know, if you’re single—”

“Down, boy,” Aelin said.  She raised a brow giving him a significant look.  His grin only deepened.  Rolling her eyes, Aelin opened the Tupperware and offered him the cookies.

Rowan, finally seeming to collect himself, walked towards them.  He shot Fenrys a glare that the other man missed entirely.  Aelin held the cookies out.

“I wanted to say thanks for the other night,” she said, “so I brought a small offering.”

Rowan’s features didn’t soften any as he looked away from Fenrys to the Tupperware of chocolate chip cookies.  While she wasn’t the best cook or baker, Aelin did know how to make a mean batch of cookies.  But with the furrow in his brow and downturn of his lips, Rowan didn’t appear to be impressed.

“If he doesn’t eat them, I will,” Fenrys offered eagerly. 

Perhaps the younger man should have just kept quiet as Rowan dropped a hand roughly onto his shoulder and pulled back.

“Didn’t I hear you have an ambu to restock?” Rowan asked, his tone not at all inclining a suggestion.

Fenrys only grinned before snatching another cookie. “Easy old man, I’m going.  Nice talking to you Aelin.”

“Bye, Fenrys,” Aelin called after him as he loped away towards the ambulance on the far side of the station.  Her heart rate ratcheted up to an annoying speed when she turned back to Rowan.  Even scowling, he was too damned attractive.  “The cookies were really only for you.  Is he always like that?”

“A pain in my ass, sure.” Rowan still didn’t take the cookies and Aelin felt a rock form in her stomach.

“Cookies are all I know how to make,” Aelin said, over explaining as she always did. “And I figured even you couldn’t turn them down.  They’re chocolate chip.”

Finally, as though it utterly pained him, Rowan took the Tupperware.

“Thanks,” he said, his scowl softening only a little.

“A little sugar never hurt anyone,” Aelin replied.  She stuffed her hands into the pockets of her coat. “And I figured you’ve never had any sugar in your life, so these would be extra special.”

“Ha.”

Taking that as a victory, Aelin smiled. “Really, though, thanks for your help with Fleetfoot.  And I’m sorry about the mess I’m dragging you through with the pretend boyfriend and now your mom is in on it.”

Rowan waved away her words. “Don’t worry about it.”

But she would worry, especially when he had now reverted back to his cold exterior.  The person who barely tolerated her.  What had happened over the last few days to make it feel like he couldn’t stand her?

“I won’t keep you then,” Aelin said.  “It looks like a storm’s coming in, I’m sure you guys will be busy taking care of it.”

“Shouldn’t be too bad,” Rowan replied with a shrug. “So long as people are smart about their choices.”

“That’s putting a lot of faith in the human race,” she said, dryly.

Rowan’s lips twitched. “I forgot, some people choose to go careening down ravines for a tennis ball.”

“You try telling Fleetfoot we’re leaving her favorite toy behind, have you seen her eyes?” Aelin tried not to be offended.  Really, she did.

“You spoil that dog,” he said.

“I’m her mother, it’s my right.”

Rowan only shook his head. “Yeah, alright.”

Finally, Aelin could feel a little better about the situation and not so much like a fool for stopping by.  Barely.

“Enjoy the cookies,” Aelin said, angling herself to head back the way she came.  “And try to have at least on of them before passing them off on your mates, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Rowan said.

He returned her wave and Aelin headed back to the station door, regretting the inevitable chill she would be faced with.

She was passing the ambulance when she saw Fenrys again.  He looked like he was going through inventory, just like Rowan had told him to do.  Several cases and bags of equipment were laid out on the end of the truck and he had a clipboard in hand as he went through everything.  He glanced up when he saw her, flashing a grin.

“It was good seeing you Aelin,” he said, “sorry for Rowan.  He’s always got a stick up his ass about something.”

“He’s not so bad,” she replied, unable to help the comment. “I’ve been neighbors with him a while now, I get it.”

“You know,” Fenrys said, leaning against the side of the ambulance, “you should come out tonight.  We’re headed to the Mistward Bar after shift.”

Aelin paused, wondering if she had heard him right. “Come out?”

“Sure, drinks, food, there’s even a band that plays on Fridays,” Fenrys said. “It’ll be fun.”

Since Sam, Aelin hadn’t tried talking to new people.  Hadn’t tried dating or going out.  Hell, it really had been a while since she’d done something fun like this.  A niggling thought in the back of her mind pushed her towards Rowan.  Rowan who she’d become somewhat friends with.  But, he’d had plenty of time to make a move, hadn’t he?  To not be so hot and cold, to actually appear more than a friend.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Aelin said, already feeling a bit of excitement over the night bloom in her chest.

Fenrys beamed at her. “See you tonight.”

Aelin smiled back.  That excitement already growing into something more than just a simple bloom.  She waved to Fenrys and headed back out into the snowy morning to her car.

.*.

“You what?” Rowan stared, slightly dumbfounded, at Fenrys as he grabbed an apple from the kitchen counter.

The station was, blessedly, quiet.  Not even the regular firefighters or paramedics were busy with calls or anything.  Everyone had just faded into a calm, no-nonsense afternoon.  Which was a miracle that he wouldn’t announce aloud.  The second you acknowledged the quiet, all hell broke loose.

“I invited her out to Mistward tonight,” Fenrys said with a shrug.  He leaned into the counter, resting his elbow on the marble. “What?  She’s hot.”

Rowan squeezed the apple in his hands so tight he was shocked when the entire thing didn’t burst apart like something out of a cartoon.  He was only slightly worried about his line of thinking.  Mostly, he was just irritated at Fenrys running his fat mouth.

“C’mon man,” he said.

“Oh, like you haven’t noticed.”  Fenrys guffawed and straightened.  He shook his head, golden curls falling around his face. “You’ve gone out with her a couple times, haven’t you?”

He had, but Rowan didn’t consider those actual dates.  Not really.  No matter how much he wanted those times to be seen as dates, it wasn’t a line he was willing to cross.  Not again.  The last time he’d misread a situation had led to him moving across the country and losing contact with his entire life.  He wasn’t going to start from scratch again.

“Are you trying to get with her?” Fenrys pressed when Rowan remained silent.

Even after knowing the other man for a few years, there were times that Rowan wanted to punch Fenrys in the face.  A few years younger with a big enough ego for the entire squad, Fenrys had taken some getting used to.  He was a capable ranger and rescuer, but he specialized in pushing other’s patience.

Like now.

Because Rowan didn’t want to think about a relationship with Aelin.  He couldn’t.  That would just be a long and painful road for the both of them and he wouldn’t do that to her.

“She’s not even your type,” Rowan said.  He knew the argument was weak.  Hell.  Arrogant, sarcastic, and flawlessly beautiful—Aelin was anyone’s type.  Yet just the sight of Aelin talking to Fenrys had been enough to piss Rowan off more than he’d been in a long time.

“What’d you know?” Fenrys asked. “Man, if you want a shot say so.”

“It doesn’t—” Rowan began, only he never got to finish the sentence.

From down below in the conference room, Gavriel rallied them for one of their scheduled training sessions.  Maybe it was better that way, Rowan had no idea what he’d say to Fenrys to begin with.  Because, truth be told, the kid was right.

He did want a shot with Aelin.  And that alone scared the shit out of him.

.*.*.*.*.*.

On track for 15 parts total.  I may try and just end it at 14 for all our sakes.

[disasterbijamietartt]

Maybe I’m delusional and drank too much wine, but this is why Roy Kent being a closeted queer man explains EVERYTHING

While writing my meta piece about Jamie x Keeley I spent a lot of time thinking “What about Roy?”, since there are no convincing love interests for him aside from Keeley.

And, well, Jamie.

And for the first time I evaluated this as something that really could happen, since now there is the legit possibility that they make homophobia in professional football the prevalent theme in this season and having multiple queer storylines would help to illustrate different point of views and they could explore this with a Roy x Jamie romance plot.

And then I looked at Roy and … basically everything fell into place.

Why he represses his emotions, why he is so so angry, why he is so full with insecurities and struggles with his self-worth, why he is unable to show (physical or emotional) affection to a man without somehow having to taint it with an unnecessarily violent outbreak – the only notable exception being the Hug™️ in “Man City”. Something that hasn’t been addressed by anyone since then, which was a choice I always considered very odd, but postponing Roy’s character development to season 3 makes actually lot’s of sense, if Roy’s struggles are rooted in internalised homophobia. And if being queer in professional sports is the theme of season 3 like mental health was the theme of season 2.

Still makes his angry, violent outbursts really jarring and he has to show accountability, but if the pain he inflicted on others is related to the trauma of being forced to be in the closet for 25 odd years, that would be so heartbreaking. And it would fit into the theme of the show that actually good people like Rebecca or Jamie – and Nate once he gets his redemption – do unforgivable things and inflict pain on people who do not deserve it as a trauma response. Sure, it could be some other trauma – but this explanation would fit so well into this seasons theme, it just makes SO MUCH SENSE to me.

Also, Trent’s critique explains some of Roy’s insecurities, but he already was full of anger at seventeen, so the root of his anger has to be something different – and growing up queer in a hella homophobic surrounding since age ten and forced to stay in the closet unless he wants to throw away his dream career, if that is not a reason to be filled to the brim with anger, I don’t know what is.

And as far as I recall, the only people he actually physically attacks are Colin (the headbutt in 1x3) and Jamie. Then his beef with Trent.

In other words, we only ever see him being irrationally aggressive and violent towards queer coded or canonically queer men. Yes, he usually has reasons that are not related to (coded) sexuality – with the notable exception of “I have to headbutt Jamie before I hug him lest it seems gay!”

And the “ugly, ugly boy”-thing? Vanity is often used for queer coding. So Roy mocks something about Jamie that is queer coded.

This screams internalised homophobia.

But I hear the naysayer going “Aren’t you reaching a bit?”

Maybe, but let us take a look at some ways how Roy is queer coded that come to mind off the top of my head.

First of all: He canonically has a secret double life, where he is notably softer, hangs out with a bunch of elderly women who have no clue who Roy Kent, professional angry footballer, is, and does yoga with them, frequents gay bars, hangs out with drag queens and watches reality tv while sipping rosé, which is a sweet girly drink, like you know “vanilla vodka. such a child.” – in his “real life” Roy would never ever drink rosé or admit to anyone that he watched even a single second of “Lust Conquers All” by accident (Keeley definitely didn’t know, or she would have teased him with this).

Who else has a secret double life? Colin.

And while I hate to be “look, so many gay stereotypes!” … Look, so many gay stereotypes!

Also, both Julie Andrews and Madonna are gay icons? As are Stevie Nicks and Tina Turner

“The Sound of Music” (his favourite) is popular in gay culture and the nuns are implied to be lesbians?

He mouths along when Rebecca sings “Let it go”, with Elsa being queer coded and the song being a queer anthem?

And when I googled “A Wrinkle in Time queer” first thing I got was a paper by the Syracuse University titled “Unusual Children: Queerishness and Strange Growth in A Wrinkle in Time and The Giver”, which discusses the queerness of the main character. You know, the “Am I supposed to be the little girl”-girl?

This are all the pop culture references I could recall off the top of my head, there may be things that are not queer coded, but … one or two, that is a coincidence. Three or more, that is a pattern. You cannot convince me that the writer’s “accidentally” queer coded Roy so extensively if he is supposed to be straight.

(Dear god, the only thing about Ted Lasso that always disappointed me was the lack of explicit queer characters – like, I’d bet with you that the majority of non-queer viewers didn’t get Keeley’s “dip the toe back in the lady pool” line or Colin’s “oh like Grindr?” – and if they now go and make the third season queer as fuck? Bless them!

And just like the next level trolling by Phil and Brett if they were actually spoiling the big love story for years, while everyone thought they were just joking?)

EDIT: Just looked up Gina Gershon, who Roy said he dated once—guess what, according to Wikipedia she’s considered a gay icon 🙃

[cookiesupplier]

Every Rose Has Its Thorns - Part Forty-Nine

pairing: Ricky Olson x ofc x Chris 'Motionless' Cerulli

warnings/tropes: slow burn, soulmates, strangers to enemies to lovers, betrayal, angst, fluff, smut, language, online bullying, panic attacks, stalking, mental health issues, conspiracy theories.

summary: In a world where soulmates inexplicably receive a tattoo that will match that of their soulmate the moment they turn eighteen years old, being famous and covered in very visible tattoos can make finding your true soulmate a questionable fate. For everyone involved.

author’s note: Looks like Rick was first!

To read from the beginning, check out the Masterlist Here!

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tags: @faceless-mirror @missduffsblog @tamtam-elizabeth @witchyweeb34 @tearfallpixie

@wild-child-7747 @shilohrosechicken @lacktoesandtoddlerants @blackveilomens @valiantroeagleangel

@bngurngheart @dominuslunae @collapsedglasshouses @miamore0570 @emmmm127

@sunsshinesunny @spicywhenspeaking @dontdiganothergravetoday @chick-from-nz @latenightmusiclover

@anameunmusical

Chris didn’t know why Ricky had moved back to his own house some days, okay, that was a lie, he knew exactly why he had. They both needed their own space sometimes, and he knew Ricky sometimes felt like he was imposing being here for so long. While they could live together, Ricky’s house had all of his own gear, his own equipment, and everything about their relationship with Talia was so new, and bringing up moving in together would probably scare the life out of her. The fact that she seemed to be dancing around the idea of moving in with either one of them told Chris that much. It did make him wonder what her thought would be if the option was living with the both of them instead of having to choose between them. 

But no, right now, they had their separate houses, and yet, Ricky was currently sitting on the couch in Chris’ little studio, with his laptop perching on his folded knee typing away. Chris, however, was working some music for the new album. Neither of them were talking, they were just existing in the same space. So Chris, today, had no clue why Ricky had moved back to his own house if he was going to keep coming back over to his for no other reason than just to be. 

Not that he was complaining. He enjoyed the company, he did, it just sometimes could have confusing elements, especially when there were moments that it made working on music just a touch more difficult hearing him typing away sitting on the couch to the side. He didn’t want to tell him to leave though, not for one second, he would be the first to admit, he was struggling with this particular song long before Ricky had walked in and sat down.

Rick was waiting for one of the other two to figure it out. Admittedly, it had taken him time to work it out himself. He wasn’t sure when it had happened, if it had had happened slowly, if there had been something that had triggered it, or it had happened gradually, but he’d just noticed one day. Their tattoos had stopped going crazy every time they were stimulated, let alone even touched one another. Ricky, he was almost certain it had been gradual, considering at first, for him, he’d be the first to admit his tattoo had almost constantly affected him when they stated dating. Once he gave in to how he felt for them… he didn’t want to stop. Even now, why should he want to resist how he felt for either of them? He didn’t just mean physically, either. Just being near them made him feel so much more secure. A brush of a hand, nudge of a shoulder, quick kiss, a knowing glance with a thought, it was the small things that helped him in ways he couldn’t really put words to.

Ricky looked up from his laptop, his fingers stilling for a moment as he paused from editing the chapter he was working on. He had been dabbling on this book for a while now, and working on it, he wasn’t sure how long it was going to take him. However, honestly, it hadn’t been the purpose when he brought his laptop over to Chris’ house today. No, he was just using it as something to do as a task while he spent as much time around Chris and Talia the last few days as possible, sat working while they did what they wanted. He wanted to be around both of them, waiting, watching, he wanted to see which of them would get it first. 

Yes, he could just tell them. He could. However, that would be too easy. This was more fun. When Chris glanced over to him, studying him, seeming to looking at him expectantly for a second. For a moment he thought there was something in his gaze, Rick raised an eyebrow at him, waiting to see if he would actually get it. 

“What is it?”

When Chris just shook his head and returned to his work, Rick couldn’t help but smirk slightly, nope, come on Chris, come on. Alright, they were both really just not going to wise on to this any time soon without a little bit of a nudge now, were they? Closing his laptop, slowly, Chris didn’t even react when he did either, not at first anyway. Setting his laptop aside on the couch, he stood up and moved stepped over to where Chris was sitting, standing behind him. Hands moving to his shoulders, one purposely slipping under his collar, so his fingers could stroke at his skin, directly over his tattoo slowly.

“How is the song going?”

They both worked on plenty of the album, this one Chris had been doing most of the work on, and Ricky had been giving comments here and there, but for the most part, it had been Chris on this one. When Chris got in this kind of mood, he would offer, but not press, because he knew Chris could get focus and would only shrug him off. 

“Fine, I just, no, slow, hitting a wall- I-”

Hearing Chris sigh, Ricky smiled, letting his hands squeezed at his shoulders a bit,

“Maybe a bit of a massage will help. Then you can relax, and then when you’ve finally relaxed babe, you can get back to it, how about that? You’ve been focused on nothing else the last couple of days, it's about time you took a break anyway.”

Chris groaned low as Ricky went ahead just as he said he would, and was massaging his shoulders slowly, one hand over his shirt, while the other still under the collar. His fingertips stroking, circling around the leaves of the rose tattoo, their soulmate tattoo, the same gesture that would have had the mark going completely insane just weeks ago, and right then it was silent. While his other hand stilled, Ricky’s fingers continued to trace over their soulmate tattoo on Chris’ shoulder, letting his nails slowly scrap over the tattoo to draw his attention to it all the more. Smirking at the way he caught the sharp intake of Chris breath the more he dragged his nails across his skin.

Sure, he said he was giving Chris a massage, but he knew that wasn’t really his purpose, and whether Chris figure him out and called him on it, remained to be seen. Now either way, he wanted him to relax, but-

“That massage is getting a bit one-sided there…”

Ricky couldn’t help but grin at the way Chris said that, and the fact that Chris seemed to have a telling way, made him think he had finally gotten the point… please…

“Makes me think you are trying to tell me something.”

“Oh really, and what might that be?”

Had he figured it out, had he gotten the hint yet, Ricky waited with nothing short of excited anticipation. He’d felt this tingle ever since he’d realised. Not the same kind of tingle from his tattoo, but just the same, he just, wanted to shout it out, but even more, wanting to see which of his soulmates would figure it out next. If they both had and just weren’t telling him, he was going to- no, no, they weren’t that good at keeping secrets, they weren’t, not from him, they just weren’t.

“That you’re horny.”

Groaning, Ricky couldn’t help but tip his head back okay, he could see where Chris got his wires crossed but really, would he be that blatantly obvious?

“Dammit, Chris, we both know if I was that horny, I’d have no problem with sticking my tongue down your throat and just stripping your pants off. Try again..”

This time, Ricky was more blatant, walking around the chair facing Chris, staring him in the eyes as he pulled the shoulder of his shirt off his arm. Only then did he tear his gaze away so he could lean over and bring his lips to Chris shoulder blade over his tattoo, kissing at his skin, and swirl his tongue over the now fully shaded black rose petals. There was no mistaking the soulmate tattoo as the same one Ricky and Talia wore on their necks now. Chris gasped at the feel of Ricky’s mouth on his skin, and then, then…

“Wait.. Rick, our tattoo-

Smiling, lifting his head, now he was getting it, Ricky was already undoing Chris’ belt even as he was exclaiming.

“Oh, I know, I’ve been waiting to see which of you would figure it out next, now be a good boy and relax so you can finish your song, okay?”

Chris didn’t get to say much before Ricky was sinking down to his knees between his, pulling his pants open so he could get his cock out, tattooed fingers already working to stroke him to full hardness. Not that it was that difficult to do with the fact that he’d hard his hands and mouth on him just now, Chris had started to chub up already. As he massed his fingers up the length of Chris’ cock for a moment and rubbing his thumb over his head to smear some of the fluid of his pre-cum over his skin, teasing him. Groaning, Chris should know it was stupid to ask him anything right now when he was just getting started, really, but there he was, looking down at him, his lips parted, panting.

“How long since you figured it out?”

Ricky smirked up at him, his hand stroking along his cock again, the other holding onto his thigh firmly as he knelt between them. Licking at the head of Chris cock now teasingly at the fact he had to stop to answer, he’d just about to take him into his mouth too, just perfect timing there Chris.

“About a week, now, are you going to keep asking questions, or will you let me suck you off and help you relax so you can finish your song? Because one.. I am horny, and two, you won’t be relaxed quite enough to let me fuck you until after you’ve stopped thinking about it..”

Chris had been talking about how close he’d been to finishing it for days... The way Ricky kept stroking his cock just a little faster as he spoke, urging Chris on, there was no way he was going to last very long by the time Ricky got his mouth on him.

“Shit, Ricky, Please!”

His hands were gripping the arms of the chair for dear life as his head dipped back against the chair, he couldn’t look down at him again. He could cum just at the sight of him between his knees like that. The way he heard Ricky chuckle low at him wasn’t helping at all. A squeeze of his fingers at the base of his cock was followed by the feel of his warm wet mouth wrapped around his cock finally, followed with a long slow suck. 

Chris let out a drawn out moan at the feel of his tongue swirling around the head of his cock, before Rick started taking more of his length into his mouth with each bob of his head. Groaning around him, letting vibrations run through Chris, until he was giving in with the slightest twitch of his hips. One of Chris hands were threading his fingers into Ricky’s hair, gripping his head slightly, not to control him, just to hold onto him as he continued to move. Rick didn’t stop, he kept going, until Chris was hitting the back of his throat, and now Chris was watching him, he couldn’t help it, watching as his cock was pushing in and out of Rick’s mouth. Seeing as he was pushing past his lips as Rick was fucking himself on his cock was absolutely driving him insane, and he had no doubt that was exactly what he wanted as he pushed him like this. Ricky was always a little shit when he gave him head, he either teased him mercilessly, or went at him full tilt so he had no choice but to cum so hard down his throat.

Today was the latter, it would seem, and he had a feeling he knew exactly what he could look forward to later as well. It was as he was thinking about Ricky fucking him with abandon, hard into the mattress, until he could barely walk, that he was cumming down his throat.

“Fuck, Rick!”

Pulling him back, so he could lean down, no hesitation at all to bring his lips to his, tasting himself as Ricky gasped against his mouth with a moan. Oh, he knew exactly how he was going to finish that song now.

[luna-andra]

The Shadows Return | Simon 'Ghost' Riley x OC Retired AU | Year One*

Summary: A little insight

Word count: 2k words

Author's note: I have returned! 🎉 if you're new to this story, you can read Chapter 1 here. Filler chapters will be marked with an * sign from here on out.

Ch 8 is posted!

Content: slow burn, fluff, retired au Ghost x OC, mentions of mental health, violence, eventual smut

Andra let out a sigh of relief as she read the email she received during her morning shift at the café. Her work visa had been approved for renewal. It was weighing on her for the past couple of weeks, stressing her to think she had submitted her documents too close to the deadline. Her current visa wasn’t due to expire until the end of the month, but now it wasn’t a cause for concern.

She didn’t have to plan for the possibility of returning to Texas anymore, so she closed out the tabs in her browser on her phone for apartments in her old area with a satisfied grin and a “good fucking riddance” to herself in the break room. The rest of her shift went smoothly with renowned happiness, having her smiling wider than she was before going on break.

Andra didn’t have many people to share the good news with, but her managers would have to suffice, and will be notified under the pretense of business.

“That’s good to hear,” Henry, her manager at her evening job, said with milquetoast optimism, “Won’t have to look for a new bartender for a whole ‘nether year, then.”

“Guess I’ll still be a thorn in your side for a while longer, Henry.”

He chortled at that. Andra got his dry humor now that she had been working for him for long enough. She swore he hated the shadow that followed behind her every step, muttering snide and sarcastic remarks any time she had questions on some of the items on the menu. It was when she quipped back about him being a pain in the ass and he smiled to himself did she start to feel less of an outsider to her new environment.

Andra had a run-in with a few of the locals that weren’t too keen on an American serving them. It was expected, a sobering reminder when she built her new life in the quaint village. Six months later and she has become their favorite American bartender, some of them checked in on how she’s coming along with her fixer-upper of a farmhouse out in the boonies.

“It’s comin’.” Andra drawled a little more than her baseline accent. “I got the paint for the living room, got the tarp laid down, and she should have a fresh coat of paint on her in the next few days.” She finished pouring a pint of cider and placed it down on the dampened coaster.

“Any plans for the farmland?” Mister Wade asked a few barstools down the counter.

Andra paid close attention to the whiskey she was pouring into the glass before answering. “Can’t say I’ve thought about it, I’m not much of a green thumb gal.”

She got a grunt of disapproval for that one. “These lands are fertile if ye treat em right. Even if it’s veg that yer growin’ for yourself, give it a go.”

The idea of starting her own little garden of produce and fruits brought a smile to her face. Now that she can actually think of long-term decisions, Andra might just consider the suggestion. “I’ll think on it, Mister Wade.”

“Call me Dean.” He raised his pint of cider before taking a generous swig.

“I’ll take these for you.” Warm hands took the collection of pint glasses from Andra’s hold.

Henry’s son, Sean, was the most welcoming and helpful when she started working at the pub. With Andra picking up the evening shifts, it gave Sean time to start college classes. When she had first walked in to Henry’s establishment, Andra could sense the rejection on the tip of his tongue as she was explaining her qualifications. Sean thankfully swooped in before Henry could say no, and she couldn’t have been more grateful.

She learned quickly his friendliness and warm smiles were an attempt to win her affections. It was difficult to ignore a good looking guy like Sean; ocean blue eyes, short, slicked back blonde hair, and fairly taller than Andra. He was too sweet of a guy. Sean deserved a woman with a clean background, someone that didn’t attract trouble.

“We should celebrate your prolonged stay.” Sean suggested with that stunning smile.

Andra could already feel Henry’s hardened stare before she looked to him. Sean might be unaware of what transpired back in the states, but Henry knew. They exchanged a subtle look of agreement before Andra returned her attention to Sean. “That’s nice of you to think of me Sean. I’m just really busy with my morning job as well, you know? And I wouldn’t want to pull you away from your studies. The sentiment is appreciated, though.”

He gave her a defeated grin. “Perhaps some other time, then. When we’re both not so busy.”

Henry turned away from their chatter and Andra let out a sigh. She was thankful that Sean took her rejections on the chin, and even more thankful for Henry feeling like one heavy discussion between the two of them was enough to get the message across.

-----

Payday came around and Andra made sure to get her loan payment from her dad paid right away before anything else. She always made sure to send a message to him just to let him know that it was done, paying double the minimum monthly payment to get it taken care of as soon as possible. Immediately after sending the message, there was an automated reply that pulled up in the messenger.

Message failed.

She paused in her tracks, stopping by the door of her used truck. She tried sending the same message, but the same message failed response came back.

Her heart constricted in her chest. Dad… blocked me?

The rest of the day, it plagued her mind. She desperately wanted to know what was going on back home. It’s not like they were on bad terms, he pulled out that loan to make sure it would cover the costs of her visa and passport, and even though he said not to worry about paying him back, Andra wasn’t accepting that answer.

Unless mom found out…

She closed her eyes and let out a deflated sigh. Of course, mom had to be behind this. She must have discovered the loan somehow, whether it be by snooping through dad’s emails or bank statements, a rogue letter from the loan company showing up in the mail that she happened to get her hands on. And she must have got access to the one source of communication she had with her dad and nixed it.

Tears clouded her vision, the ache in her chest deepening. Andra wondered when was the last time dad tried reaching out to her. Did he think she had blocked him? She looked over their messages to see what the last thing was she told him.

Lol thanks

A month ago.

A message she wished she had put more thought into, unsure of when the next time she would be able to tell her father that she loves him.

She could reach out to Ivan or Orion, but she didn’t want to run the risk of setting off mom. Ivan was graduating in June and was getting on that bus as soon as he could to go off to basic training.

Graduation…

Andra wasn’t going to be there for it. She already knew that she wasn’t going to be able to afford a plane ticket and a hotel to be there to see him walk the stage, but it felt heavier now that she couldn’t talk to dad about it.

All of a sudden, the elation she felt about her renewed visa turned to ash as she realized, she really was alone out here. In a country that still hasn’t truly become a place she could call home.

The drive to the farmhouse was silent. Her hands were shaky as she held the steering wheel, a little firmer than usual. She used the sleeve of her sweater to wipe away the rogue tears slipping. A silver truck was turning down her road just a few feet ahead and took another turn into the first dirt path. She was familiar with the vehicle of the one other person living off of the shared road, despite never introducing herself or running into the other person.

She was almost certain that they preferred privacy along with being blissfully unaware of her existence out here.

Fine by her.

Her brakes screeched as she came to an abrupt halt at the sight of a black and brown puppy meandering across the street. Andra opened the door and stepped out of the truck, approaching the puppy with caution.

“What are you doing out here all alone, sweet baby?”

The puppy’s ears perked up and it happily trotted to Andra, and she crouched down to meet the curious animal. It was so friendly, so sweet. Andra giggled at the onslaught of licks and kisses the puppy gave her, and she picked up the puppy with care.

“Thank you, thank you!” Her voice squeaked as she scratched the puppy’s bare neck. No collar, nothing to indicate that she has an owner. Andra walked around the front of the truck to see if there were any others. No litter, no mother, no other dogs in sight.

Her smile faltered. “Were you left out here, sweetie?”

The puppy’s hot breath fanned her face as it continued its demonstration of affection. Completely oblivious to the redundant question Andra had asked. Maybe the puppy belonged to her neighbor? She got back into her truck with the pup on her lap and turned around in her own driveway to go back in the opposite direction. By the time she arrived and turned into her neighbor’s path, the silver truck was gone.

Well, damn.

Andra had no indication if the pup was indoor trained or not, so she started dispersing patches of old newspaper throughout the spaces of the house.

“Good think I didn’t throw those out, huh.” Andra said out loud to the puppy.

The newspaper was stacked inside the barn that came with the house, along with a mountain of other items, junk, and farm equipment that she couldn’t find time to sift through. She was hoping once she was able to quit one of her jobs, she would have more time to spend on making her house a home.

Andra didn’t see any fleas jumping or crawling around the puppy’s fur, but she wasn’t taking any chances and started filling the kitchen sink with lukewarm water, tossing in some oats to soak in the little bath.

If anyone was nearby, they would think Andra was torturing the animal. “I know, sweet girl, it’s gotta be done.” Her soothing words were futile, the puppy only stopped wailing and whining once she was out of water and being dried off with a soft towel.

She cuddled her new friend on the couch while she looked up the nearest vet clinic to make sure she was okay and whether or not she had been microchipped.

It was already late in the evening, so this would be an adventure for tomorrow.

Her eyes were growing heavy while Andra cleaned the remaining water from her ears. The bath had drained any energy the puppy had left for the night. Got herself ready for bed, and allowed the pup to lay on the empty side of the bed on top of a small nest of towels.

-----

“She has no owner.” The vet technician came back into the tiny room Andra and the pup waited in. “Would you consider adopting her?”

The doe-eyed pup directed her attention back onto Andra, as if she understood what was being asked. A grin escaped Andra. What are the chances of a beautiful, pure-bred German shepherd showing up at such a down-trodden time? It couldn’t have been coincidence. The universe had sent her to Andra, she felt it in her heart.

“Yeah, I’ll take her home with me.” Andra finally answered and rubbed her new pet’s head.

Andra started immediately on the forms to get the pup prepared for vaccination and everything else. The pen hovered over the spot where the dog’s name would be written as she thought cautiously.

Sammy.

-----

See you next week for the next chapter! 🖤

[waitmyturtles]

THE MORNING AFTER: ONLY FRIENDS, EPISODE 4 (“UHHH, IF I FEEL SOMETHING, DOES IT MEAN I HAVE FEELINGS, WOMP?”) EDITION

That’s how I felt after watching yesterday’s episode. I have NO BUSINESS writing meta in my current life-mental state, but I NEED to get a few words down. Just some list-y thoughts.

Shit’s starting to gel for me. The cast seems like they’ve warmed up to each other by way of actor-ly chemistry. (I know scenes are never shot in order, but there was maybe a little stiffness I felt at the start of the series? At this point, it might just be Lookjun carrying that, but I also don’t think she does “drunk” as well as the others.)

Such good meta that sustained me during my packing yesterday. @ranchthoughts on an ephemerality BREAKDOWN. @respectthepetty Senpai on sluts slutting — and HOW WE AUTOMATICALLY JUDGE AND LABEL SLUTS FOR SLUTTING (more on this in a BIT — go OFF, RTP Senpai). And @slayerkitty on nailing the narrative frameworks, which really struck me this episode, and this goes back to ephemerality again. Can’t believe I’m gonna meta, but let’s boogie, ‘cause I gotta.

@ranchthoughts — Ranch, I’m probably going to repeat some of what you wrote, so please forgive my stress-addled brain. I just lost it at Khaotung this episode, I thought he was just OVERFLOWING with BEST-NESS this episode — and the way we lived with Ray in his past in this episode. It was another play on time. And I love that @slayerkitty nailed that it was the flashbacks that were doing the talking this episode — because especially for Ray, the past is doing HIS talking. His mother didn’t love him in his past. Therefore, because of his past, he is unlovable in his present. (Interrrrgenerationalllll traumaaaa — the past affects your present. The opposite of ephemerality. That shit’ll STICK with you UNTIL you decide to face it head-on, like our beloved PatPran.)

Ooooh, baby. Gosh. The combination of the use of flashbacks, with Ray living in his past, only listening to music his parents listened to. And Sand — falling for Ray! — is holding Ray’s hand and bringing him to the present and the new. Sand’s a figure of change. Ray keeps toeing BACK to the past, to his memories, to his “love” for Mew, and Sand’s like, let me hold you down. (Ray going back and forth — like relapsing.) Ray STILL flashing back to Mew, holding that pendant (THAT LOOKS AN AWFUL LIKE AN ECLIPSE SYMBOL, AMIRITE AMIRITE) — and flashes again back and forward to the record store, where Sand found Ray’s hand.

What will Ray need for Sand to do to pull Ray even closer to the real-time present? How will Sand help Ray face his trauma? Will Sand really hold Ray down?

I am a big believer in the ships sinking, but goddamnit, First and Khao ATE this episode. GAAAHHHH.

Just musing: If Jojo and team started out this series having us think on ephemerality, the general lack of accountability, and the disappearance of time — are we entering the next act of the series where the characters grapple with the impacts of their pasts? That if you’re engaged emotionally and/or sexually with others, that not being accountable for your past and present is NOT an option? (That’s a kind of frame that speaks very closely to Jojo’s devotion to messages of sexual health in his past shows — especially regarding Nat in Gay OK Bangkok, who was HIV positive.)

Also musing: I saw some posts on my dash grappling with Top and Ray using coke. Drug use is obviously common on the partying circuit — their using coke doesn’t surprise me, especially considering that Top and Ray were both shown also being familiar with pills earlier. But I will note that the entire SE Asian region prosecutes the drug trade quite harshly, so to be honest, I was surprised to see Top actually snorting (but not surprised that that would be in a Jojo show). (Some passing links: when I Googled “drug use in Thailand,” this study shows that of a sample of vocational students in Thailand, LGBTQ+ students were more likely to use three or more drugs than heterosexual students, plus more findings. And this article briefly reviews the history of drug prosecution in Thailand.)

Also musing: really loved how Top’s demeanor was SO different with Nick and Sand. Maybe this indicates how much he’s “controlling” himself around Mew (@ranchthoughts , beep beep, control). Especially when Nick was talking with Top — it seemed like Top had been approached for money like this before. And the way he was so forward with Sand, confident to tell Sand that Sand wasn’t up for keeping Boeing — that was a totally different Top than who we see with Mew.

Okay, penultimate point. @respectthepetty says: sluts gonna slut. @bengiyo says: dudes gonna dude.

Cheum calls Boston a ho. Top says Boston is nasty. Nick calls himself nasty. Nick is Boston’s “favorite.” Jojo challenges the viewer to think that Top was gonna sleep with Beam, as RTP Senpai writes. Top’s already slept with Boston while dating Mew. On and on and on.

I wrote in my review of Theory of Love that I related to Khai, and now I relate somewhat to Top by the way that some of the viewership has judged Top. I was VERY often called the slut/ho of my friend groups in my younger years. OFTEN. And this was while I was in my twenties, exploring myself, my boundaries, my sexuality, all of it.

I relate to the struggle of trying to shed labels. Ray is a “burden.” Boston is “nasty.” Mew wants the truth from Top as to if Top has been with anyone else while they were dating. Therefore — Mew is assuming that Top IS sleeping with other people.

Call these people by their labels, and they’ll start believing them. It’s just another kind of trauma, similar to intergenerational trauma.

I wrote in my Theory of Love piece that as a global society — humans don’t really believe that our fellow humans can CHANGE. We don’t accept change well. (Cancel culture rarely allows for someone to be uncancelled — right?) If someone takes on a label — we tend to believe that label, and we have a hard time believing that someone has SHED that label after time. If Ray was called a burden by his mother — what work will it take for Ray to shed that label? And same for our sexually active guys, too.

Think about how you talk about your friends to others. Think about if you use labels to talk about them. Think about how old those labels are, and if they’re accurate in the present. And. Think about how you judge others by their pasts. (“Remember when so-and-so was sleeping around?”) Think about whether or not you use the past to judge and/or justify your FEELINGS about someone.

Now, I don’t even KNOW if these guys WANT to change these paradigms. We get the SLIGHTEST hint that maybe Boston wants to do so with Nick in next week’s preview.

But. I just fucking love that Jojo is playing around with this. If someone is HIV positive — that’s a label, a stigma. If someone is a ho — that’s a label, a stigma.

These dudes are burdened by what everyone else is thinking and saying about them.

And we have Sand, on the other hand, processing his feelings with Nick. We have Nick acting like a damn BASKETCASE, but at least he admitted the wiretapping to Sand (??? lol honey but you gotta stop this now, nervous giggles, put Boston’s phone down). We didn’t see Yo in this episode, but we know Yo believes in accountability.

There’s something about the Ray-Mew-Cheum-Boston friend group that allows things to both slide and fester. We’ll get ever more clarity in the following episodes on this, but — these young folks are having ish dealing with their labels, the labels of their pasts, and what are they gonna do in their presents and futures to deal with changing themselves?

FINALLY, and then I’m done rambling. Is that supposed to be a penis, or something penis-like?!

(What’s good, Ephemerality Squad? Wish me luck with moving today! @slayerkitty @ranchthoughts @lurkingshan @neuroticbookworm @clara-maybe-ontheroad @twig-tea @distant-screaming @chickenstrangers)

[thatfanficauthor107]

KARASUNO THIRD YEAR ANGST HEADCANONS

TW: abuse, neglect, suicide attempt, self harm, depression, illness, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, alcoholism, drug abuse, death of loved ones, panic attacks

DAICHI: - his father is frankly an alcoholic and likely on types of drug more often than not. - he’s made it his job to keep the man away from his younger siblings, though that means that he takes far more punishments so they don’t have to - his father is lowkey abusive towards him, especially since he found out Daichi was queer (bisexual transmale) - mental health isn’t the best but he ignores that - has considered self harm multiple times and scares himself with how dark the thoughts get some nights - emotionally unavailable often, not at all connected with his feelings and emotions - was taught from a really young age that showing emotions (esp negative ones) showed weakness - his mother died when he was a kid, and his stepmother is either oblivious or ignores how his father treats him - he resents her for this although she’s never actually done anything directly to him - probably has undiagnosed AuDHD - doesn’t have many medical resources available for things like his asthma and his joint issues - doesn’t entirely understand Asahi’s anxiety as he was raised in a way that didn’t allow him to show any form of fear so he just pushes his own away - this has caused many arguments between the two because he just can’t understand Asahi’s point of view - ^^^ absolutely hates this - insomniac - doesn’t sleep well/at all for days on end and it really affects his mental health and mood, it’s more obvious to others than he realises - refuses to ask others for help or open up to them, even when he desperately needs it. suga had to force daichi to open up about sometimes the smallest things - skips meals often - doesn’t think he ‘needs’ them - ^^ his weight is one of his biggest insecurities - he had an eating disorder throughout part of junior hight - yui and hayato monitored what he ate for weeks after they found out

KOUSHI: - has two present parents but isn’t that close with them - his father cares more for his work than his family. his mother tries her hardest to be fair to them both but she fails often in koushi’s eyes - loves his younger brother but hates how he partially resents him for always being his parents favourite - his brother has a lot of medical issues so his mother always doted over him and left koushi in the care of his elderly grandmother - when his grandmother passed his parents hardly acknowledged it and he found that infuriating - used to overwork himself to be the top of his class in school to get his parents to notice him more (they never did) - continues to overwork himself throughout high school for any form of validation - always exerted himself in social situations and built a large social life for himself to avoid being at home and to not feel ignored - daichi and asahi were the first friends he made where he actually felt seen - his father is lowkey homophobic but only shows it behind closed doors in off-handed comments - ^^ his father cares about his reputation more than his family - his main worries and impacts on his mental health started during first year when he realised how bad Asahi and Daichi’s were - he was so scared over them hurting themselves or worse - genuinely didn’t know what to do and ended up having his first panic attack over it and several more

ASAHI: - his father passed in an accident before he was born, his mother passed away from an illness a few years later - was raised by his much older (by 11 years) sister - his sister doesn’t have any mental/mental health issues/disabilities. if their parents were still alive she would have been a glass child - often wanders what it would be like if he actually did have parents - absolutely hates mothers’/fathers’ day, and days at school where people bring in their parents. (always does something with his sister on mothers’ day without fail) - feels really guilty over how his sister had to raise him instead of living her years as a young adult - his sister works abroad most of the year, so he spends most of his time alone - was very lonely as a child - struggled to make friends his whole life, and was pretty severely bullied most of his life too - this bullying only stopped in highschool after Daichi and Suga ‘adopted’ him - ^^ this quickly turned into rumours rather than bullying - the rumours really get under his skin and affect how he sees himself (doesn’t like how he looks anymore, already low self worth plummeted) - used to self harm throughout the end of his junior high years and the beginning of high school. quitting was much harder than he had expected. - attempted in his first year at some point, everything just got too much for him and he needed it to stop. he overdosed on sleeping pills. It didn’t work, he woke up disoriented and sore hours later. He didn’t plan on telling anyone until Daichi and Suga forced him to open up. - the time he took off from volleyball he also took off from school in general. it was a longer depressive episode. - the comments he got after returning, even if they were just jokes, really got to him - to the point where he questioned coming back the next day or ever - he hates how daichi can’t understand his anxiety even though he knows it’s not daichi’s fault. he hates even more how there are some days he resents him for it

[wings-of-fire-confessions]

Hi! Same anon who said that Secretkeeper is a flawed, or even a bad mother to Moonwatcher!

I came here to rant about this opinion again, because this time I want to leave EVIDENCE from the books with for this confession!

I also got rid of the second paragraph that I put within the last confession as well, because there’s a chance that I may of went at least a little bit too far within it, and I also want to talk more about Secretkeeper’s character and how she unintentionally negatively affected Moon.

So yeah - once again - here it is!:

Hot take: Secretkeeper is a flawed, and/or even a bad mother to Moonwatcher.

She calls Moon powers a ‘curse’ tells her to hide her powers or else everyone would hate her for them. She tells Moon to hide parts of personality - like her factually sharing her knowledge on certain topics - or else dragons will dislike her. She also cares more about what the society of the Jade Mountain Academy thinks of Moon, without even considering what her daughter thinks about being around them. She probably caused Moon to have anxiety from being around other dragons because of this as well.

And Moon was so negatively affected by this to the point that she doubted and/or was in denial of some parts of her powers - dismissing them or questioning them to be “dreams”, and was so fearful and possibly even paranoid that dragons would know about her powers - and would hate her for them - to the point that she didn’t reveal her powers despite hearing a literal MURDER PLOT occur within someone’s mind.

And, within her own book, when Moonwatcher no longer lives with her mother, and lives within the Jade Mountain instead

Moon gains mental growth and/or development by learning and/or discovering what SHE believes about her own powers - like how she feels about them, whether or not she wants to get rid of them, and even whether or not to reveal them to anyone she knows, despite the possible risks of doing so - rather than following what HER MOTHER believes about Moon’s powers, and what her mom believes Moon herself should do with them.

Of course, I am aware that Secretkeeper does, indeed, love Moonwatcher very much, and actually does care about Moon and Moon’s own safety.

But while that is true, it does NOT stop the fact that Secretkeeper did, indeed, NEGATIVELY AFFECT Moon, REGARDLESS whether or not Secretkeeper actually meant to do that to Moon.

And because of what I mentioned above, Secretkeeper is so focused on Moon’s physical safety and reputation amongst other dragons - without even considering Moon’s emotional wants AND needs - to the point that it negatively affects Moonwatcher’s mental health. And honestly…yeah, that really sucks :(.

And, although this maybe quite a big stretch to say, as a neurodivergent and/or autistic person, the way that Secretkeeper tells Moonwatcher to hide her powers and parts of her personality…

Kind of gives me the vibes of a mother telling her autistic and/or neurodivergent child to mask that part of themselves and hide parts of their personality and/or behaviors, in order to for them to appear “normal” to others, so people do NOT mind being around them and/or dislike them as they are.

Instead of letting her child express themselves and/or be happy being the way they are, while teaching them how to deal with the prejudice of other people.

Which is…yeah. Not very great.

Evidence below the read more.

[lialovesstuff]

It's so interesting to me, as I grow older to see how some of the reactions these kids have are very mild considering that they go through the most traumatising experiences.

I was listening to the anubis backwards podcast interview with Brad Kavanagh (which if you are an anubis fan I highly recommend you go check out because it is super interesting), and he did mention something about how the reactions had to fall in line with the fact that it is still a kid's show. So the reactions could never be too strong.

Taking this, it makes me think about how mentally distressed these students are but they could never really express that because of the PG nature of the show. Having recently rewatched the show I realised how traumatising the things that happen to these kids are and how irl these things would affect a person mentally, but sometimes it makes you angry that these things are sort of just brushed under the carpet.

I want to start off by talking about my girl Patricia. She was gaslit by everyone around her, kidnapped, betrayed by the people whom she trusted would take care of her, has no memory of what we can assume is weeks of her life, and based on the whole Piper situation we can possibly assume she feels neglected or overshadowed. I think this is what leads her to not be vulnerable in front of anyone. Yet, we don't see her express her PTSD at any point after the whole nightmare situation with Rufus. I would have really liked to have seen her PTSD or trauma addressed in some form. For example, how her and Eddie becoming a couple helped her with her nightmares because she finally felt safe with someone and she finally feels like someone believes her and loves her unconditionally.

Then there's Joy. There is so much to talk about when it comes to Joy and I will forever be mad about how the writers address istg maybe 4 times since she came back. She was kidnapped by her own father, betrayed by her teachers, almost sacrificed to some Egyptian cult, had no contact with the outside world, had her education, friends and freedom taken from her at the young age of 16 (I assume), and after all of this still being forced to go back to school and be taught and associate with the people who caused all of this. I really hate how when she came back no one even asked how she feels to be back or just generally checking on her mental health. I’m surprised she went back to that school at all tbh. It was all business as usual and even she didn’t exhibit any ptsd symptoms. I think something as simple as just showing her being terrified of being left in the same room as these teachers would make for an interesting plot point, or talking to Patricia about how she feels scared going back to school. The only time when Joy does exhibit any form of PTSD is when they are forced to wear the robes in S3 and the poor girl literally looks terrified. There’s so much to unpack with Joy, so the last thing I will say is that in S2 I feel like one of her arcs could be learning to deal with the trauma and overcome it. Also it makes me so mad that none of the adults apologised to her.

Moving on to Eddie Miller. This boy has probably dealt with abandonment issues his whole life from his dad leaving. His whole 'rebel' persona probably came about from him not having a male figure in his life and was almost trying to fill that void or not being able to cope with his dad leaving. This is probably why Eddie finds it hard to open up to people, with the first person he truly trusts (besides his mum probably) is Patricia as he says multiple times that he trusts her and he tells her directly that he likes her, which he says himself was not easy for him. He does start to build a relationship with his dad but once again it is something that gets resolved in like 5 minutes and from there they seem to have the building blocks to start building a relationship. This is nice, don't get me wrong, but given that Eddie's dad has been out of his life for years and all it took was a 5-minute convo to get their relationship rolling seems unrealistic. In the conversation, Eddie does say "you didn't want me then, and you don't want me know", which I think is a very deep line for a nick show but still I think irl a boy in Eddie's position would have had a lot more of his true feelings and emotions flow out.

Jerome is a similar case to Eddie. A boy who struggles to reconnect with his father after years. I will say I always thought this arc was really deep for a nick show. A boy finds out his father is in prison and tries to rebuild a connection with him. I do have to say that arc of Jerome rebuilding his relationship with his father has a better pace in comparison to Eddie and his dad, but still, I do imagine a boy discovering his estranged father is in prison would cause a bigger reaction, but once again going back to the idea that it is a kid's show they had to keep his reaction relatively 'neutral'. Also considering that Eugene Simon is a great actor I think he would be able to represent those emotions really well.

Of course, there is still so much to say about all of the characters in the show, but I do find this an interesting observation also in line with what Brad said on the podcast.

[pamgkrthwrites]

Hello everyone, I would like some help finding a Bakugou x Reader fic.

I know it’s not on AO3 but here on tumblr and it wasn’t posted in the past year. I think two years ago. I’ve been trying to refind it for a long time and I even remember not being able to find it a week after I oringally found it, so there is a possibility it was taken down.

The story goes as such; Reader is a pro hero who is taking a mental health breath break that I think at that point went on for 3 months. Reader had some trauma when it came to being touched so she liked to be physically affectionate with her friends which included Deku, Todoroki and Bakugou. She has a crush on Bakugou and non of the boy return her affection. I remember a certain line where it mention she dropped her legs over Todoroki and how he never returned affection just like Bakugou.

Anyway, reader has been in a safe house for this until break and wasn’t allowed to be in contact with anyone. Deku, Todoroki and Bakugou show up to her safe house cause they were on a mission and in the rules of the story, the top 1 hero knows where all the other top10 heroes are if they go into hiding. There is a line when Deku is telling a Todoroki and Bakugou this and Bakugou explodes the building they were hiding in.

Reader makes them I think rice they all sit down and Reader is showing Bakugou physical affection as if nothing happened. Something happens I go blank here but I’m pretty sure Bakugou yells at someone. Reader offers Bakugou to redo his eyeliner so they go into her bathroom.

As she is redoing his eyeliner, Bakugou says how he has had to go into therapy since she has been gone because he wasn’t okay thag his girlfriend just left without a word. Reader is taken aback because they’ve never had the conversation they are boyfriend girlfriend and Bakugou says he started seeing her as his girlfriend when he considered her his(which simples might’ve started since their time in UA). Reader corrects him and tells him she didn’t know they were together and apologised I think to Bakugou about making him feel as if their girlfriend left. She asks if she was his girlfriend why doesn’t he show affect and he says he didn’t want to overstep and she says “Bakugou I WANT you to touch me”. They smooch but that’s interrupted by I think Todoroki saying their target is on the move again.

Right before Bakugou leaves he asks if he can talk to her again so she secretly gives him her number under her special protection break idk what.

I love this fanfic even though I’ve read it only once it’s glued to my memory and I want to reread it so bad but I have no idea where it is. If anyone else could help me that would be swell. If it was deleted I’m going to cry.

[italiansteebie]

I'll Cry If I Want To

TW// This involves drug use, rape, and other heavy topics that relate to those. Please do not read if this is going to affect you or your mental health negatively.

Eddie didn’t want to be here. 

He hated house parties, and he especially hated Tommy Hagan who just happened to be hosting the party. He was only here because Hagan wanted him to deal, and who was he, poor trailer trash, to pass up a night that was guaranteed to be fiscally beneficial. 

He hadn’t been doing the whole “party” thing. He mainly milled about and watched as party goers drank themselves sick, or basically had clothed sex on the couch. He also kept an eye on Harrington. Why? He couldn’t tell you. 

After the mall burned down… He seemed different. Hell, he had to be. The Buckley girl would’ve spit in his face in the past, but here they are at Hagan’s party, drinking and laughing and being… Super normal about it. 

Eddie didn’t think Steve was Robin's type but, hey. He’s been wrong before. 

—-

It was later in the night, he’d made 300 bucks, pretty good, considering that he’d only sold about an ounce. This was emotionally intensive, he marked the price up considerably. 

He’d only sold weed, nothing stronger. 

Which is odd, because Harrington was stumbling around the hall, pupils blown wide, mumbling to himself incoherently. 

“Hey, Harrignton. You alright, buddy?”

He watched as Steve’s head snapped up.

“Rob, Robin. She’s gonna be right back. Rob- Bobin,” He giggled to himself. And Eddie thought back to when he got a secret nod from the girl as she headed out the door with another girl with cropped black and purple hair. He remembers thinking ‘ah, so I was right,’ and that was about an hour ago. 

He shakes himself out of his thoughts, “No, Stevie, she’s gone.” Stevie? When the hell did that happen? Whatever. Another thought for another time. Right now, Steve looked high out of his mind. 

“Gone? No- We. I got her out. She- Not. She’s gone?” 

And Eddie could see the panic attack from miles away. 

He grabbed Steve’s jaw gently, focusing him. 

“No, not gone. She left the party. With that girl. Remember?”

And that seemed to calm him down, but Eddie knew he had to get the guy into a bed, somewhere he could rest, get some sleep. So he hoisted the guy up, “C’mon, Stevie. I’m taking you home.” He narrated, grunting as he lifted Steve. Steve sighed. “M’kay. Jus- uhh.” He was slurring worse now, whatever he took was hitting, in fall force. Eddie watched as he smacked his lips, “Just, mmmm. Make sure to use a lot of lube. N’ver had… A guy b’fore.” And that made Eddie freeze. 

What the fuck did Steve think Eddie was about to do? Did he- No. Eddie shook his head, he had to get this guy out of here. 

He’d made it to the door, when he was stopped by a girl with long black hair. “Uh, excuse me. There’s an order, kay? Freak.” She scoffed, smacking her gum, motioning to the various people in their little audience. Eddie blanched, what the fuck kind of- “What?” He said dumbly.

The girl rolled her eyes. “Look, freak. There’s a system, everyone gets their turn with him, but I’m. First.” She said, yanking Steve’s hand, making his head roll, and doped up smile on his face. “What the fuck are you talking about? Are you- You’re serious? Is. Is that why he’s like this?” And the dots started connecting. 

The girl was still watching him, bored. “It goes like this, kay. We give him the stuff, he gets high, and we get off. Look, I knew you were a freak but, I didn’t know you were stupid.” Eddie felt like he was going to pass out. The whole “king Steve” thing was based on his willingness to get drugged and passed around like a fucking joint. Even for him, that’s fucked up. And he’s seen a lot of shit, okay? 

“I’m gonna make you a compromise, I’ll give the rest of my supply, for free, if I can take him for the night.” It would deplete his supply and he’d be in debt with Rick but… He had to get Steve out. Now.

The girl lit up. 

“Alright! He always cries after anyways. Really ruins the mood.”

She releases her grip on Steve and takes the weed from Eddie’s lunch box, which he’d been holding out as an offering. “C’mon, Stevie. Let’s go home.”

Steve giggled, “You’re prettyyyy.” He reached a hand towards Eddie’s face, booping him on the nose. “Boop.” Eddie tried not to laugh, it was a rather serious moment, but Steve was being cute. Cute? Eddie please, he scolded himself. 

—--

It was a bit of a struggle, but he finally got Steve back to the trailer. Recruiting Wayne to help him get the guy to the couch, with a promise of explanation once he was settled.

Once inside, Wayne patted Eddie on the back. “Alright, kid. Tell me what happened.” And so Eddie launched into the story, Wayne looking about as sick as Eddie felt. “Let's let him sleep. Leave a bucket and some tylenol on the coffee table for him. He’ll probably freak out when he wakes up. Be gentle, Kid.” Wayne pulled Eddie in for a hug. “You get some sleep too. I gotta get to my shift. Love ya, kid.” 

“Love you, Wayne.”

—--

Steve woke up considerably more cozy than he usually does after a party. Especially one where he gives in to drinking the random cups that were shoved into his hands. Whoever was last had put his pants back on, which was nice. They usually don’t do that. 

He groaned as he shifted, pausing when he heard movement in the kitchen. “You’re up.” It was a male voice. Shit. It was always so awkward when the dads found him. “I’ll get out of your hair. Just gimme a minute, please.” His voice came out weak. 

“You don’t have to leave just yet. Let yourself wake up. I made breakfast.” Curly hair comes into view, and a pop tart is set on the coffee table next to some tylenol. He takes in the guy's face. “Munson? But I-.” He blushes harshly. “But I’m not… Sore.” He motions to his lower region. Steve watches as Eddie’s face turns into one of disgust. “No, man. I know I’m a freak, but I’m a freak with your consent. Always.” Steve shook his head, “I- I didn’t think you were a freak, you just like that stupid game- But. Why. Why am I here?” 

Does Steve know about DND? No way. So king Steve has layers, huh? 

“I uh. I found you in the hall. It was probably like, fifteen minutes after they slipped you the drug. You were looking for Robin Buckley.” 

A look of tentative recognition crossed Steve’s face. 

“Did. Did you see who?”

Eddie nodded. “I don’t think anyone else saw her. Don’t worry.” He watched as relief spread across his face. “How long… Has this happened to you, Steve?” 

“I don’t know. Too long, I guess. The first time… I was scared out of my mind but, it got me friends. Friends who kept me… Company.” Steve shook his head. Eddie mirrored him, “They had no right to do that to you, Steve.”

“It was really the first time I felt… Useful. So I stopped trying to fight it. I thought that’s what love was but then I met Nancy, which turned out to be. Bullshit, I guess. And so I let them do it again. I figured it was what I was good for.”

Eddie felt his heart crack in two. “Steve…”

“It’s okay. I don’t know why I told you any of that anyways. Fuck. I’m so stupid. Sorry. I’ll just, I’ll go. Thanks Eddie.” Steve stood, shuffling his way towards the door. “Steve. Sit back down. You’re still recovering.” It was stern, and Steve thought that if he didn’t listen, Eddie was going to make him listen. So he sat. 

“I’ve been watching you, Steve. I’ve seen the way you snake Robin smile, and last night you knew about DnD of all things, so there has to be more to you. There is more to you. And if people don’t want to see it, just know, I do. Robin does. And whoever taught you about DnD does too, okay. I just. I didn’t like you in highschool but. Something’s changed and I. I think that’s worth more than sex.”

And a 19 year old dam broke. 

And suddenly Steve was sobbing on Eddie’s worn down couch. 

And Eddie didn’t know what to do, so he patted him on the back awkwardly. “There, there Steve. Uh. Sorry I don’t know what to do with crying people. Uhm. It’ll be okay.” 

Steve laughed wetly and wiped his nose, cringing at the sight of the snot. “Ew.” Eddie laughed and handed him the tissue box that was resting on the floor. 

“Seriously, Steve. You are so much more than just some guy who gets passed around. Trust me. If I can see it, well. That’s saying something.”

“Thanks Eddie. I really appreciate that.”

“Wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean. Especially not to you.” He bumped Steve on the shoulder, knocking him over and raising a giggle out of him. 

—---

And maybe Eddie didn’t see Steve’s real, true colors, at least not until a year or so later when the guy carried him out of actual hell, but he saw a glimpse of what Steve is really like that night. And he has to admit, he wanted to see more.  

[sasukesun]

Some Sakura fans who cosplay as Sasuke fans love to say that Naruto is a Konoha bootlicker and act like Sakura ever had a revolutionary thoughts.

But people love to forget that Naruto is a victim of the system too. Him being rejected by the whole village for years made him think he has to prove his worth. The way he acts toward Konoha cant be just described as Konoha bootlicker when you know how they used to treat him and how it can affect his mental health. Both Sasuke and Naruto were wronged by that village, both are victims. Victims dont always act the same. Some will be angry, some will rebel, some will forgive, some will repress their emotions.

it’s not only that, people really claim things based on one panel out of an entire context that extends until the end of the manga, like when naruto says “if sasuke attacks konoha they will have to fight”, naruto just don’t want people that have nothing to do with it to die, sasuke at that time really wanted to kill everybody, and i don’t even think that’s absurd or unreasonable considering everything sasuke’s been through, later of course sasuke reflects on what he wants and decides to find answers on his own and that’s admirable of him, but there was a moment he expressed that desire to destroy konoha and naruto- just didn’t want that to happen (considering what you also said about how he deals with trauma). but people really claim that naruto chose sasuke over konoha there… as if that panel isn’t also part of a much bigger conversation in which naruto says he refuses to be the hero that kills sasuke or to watch sasuke destroy everything, and his resolution is “i’ll bear the burden of your hatred and we’ll die together” because he can’t live in a world without sasuke either, mind you, everybody in the series wanted to kill sasuke in that moment, and naruto, who is 16, must to come up with every solution on his own, because, like shikamaru and sai said, “they all rely on naruto too much”. and i still didn’t mention anything about the bigger picture in this, because people swear that “naruto knows about the uchiha massacre and still wants sasuke to go back to konoha” and honestly WHERE? where is that stated or portrayed? because when naruto drops the “i’ll bear the burden of your hatred line” he is waiting for sasuke to meet him in the middle, he is not going after sasuke anymore he even says “i’m ready when you are, sasuke” after that. vote2 is literally them meeting in the middle, by sasuke’s initiative and as if that isn’t enough, what really happens post vote2? ah yes, sasuke leaves and naruto lets him go. the definitions of “forcing to go back to konoha” have been updated i guess. naruto cares about sasuke’s loneliness and wants sasuke to work with him. that’s it. this is the bigger picture. and i don’t even think naruto’s writing was handled perfectly and he has always taken the rightest decisions towards sasuke, but people are so stupid about it, it makes me think it’s dishonesty (and if you take what happens in boruto into consideration then it’s really dishonesty lol).

and when you take sakura’s big picture, it’s clear that kishimoto wants to show that she only cares about sasuke as long as it fulfils her delusions. she witnesses and reflects on sasuke’s actions, she is present when they discuss important things, but she never acts on it, because she doesn’t care about those important things, kishimoto doesn’t want to show that she’s neutral or ignorant, he wants to show that she chooses to be ignorant, simple as that. but people swear that she’s some poor left in the dark girl who wants what’s best for sasuke lol, that’s just not how she was written.

[soisaidfine]

yo what’s up, just saw bruce springsteen backin’ kamala harris for real. how you feel about that compared to ethel cain’s stance?

Bruce Springsteen: "Everybody sees things different, and I respect your choice as a fellow citizen, but like you, I've only got one vote, and it's one of the most precious possessions that I have.

Kamala Harris and Tim Waltz are committed to a vision of this country that respects and includes everyone regardless of class, religion, race, your political point of view or sexual identity, and they want to grow our economy in a way that benefits all, not just the few like me on top. That's the vision of America I’ve been consistently writing about for 55 years now.”

Hi. This isn't a new stance for Bruce Springsteen, who has supported Barack Obama, a close friend of his for years.

Compared to Hayden's (Ethel Cain) stance, at the same age, Bruce Springsteen also wasn’t supporting any candidate. Back then, he said he wanted to do something for the people in ways other than getting a candidate elected. He didn’t know the political game well and chose not to get involved at the time. (Bruce Springsteen in the 80s: "I want to try and just work more directly with people, try to find some way that my band can tie into the communities that we come into. I guess that’s a political action, a way to just bypass that whole electoral thing— human politics. I think that people on their own can do a lot. I guess that’s what I’m tryin’ to figure out now.")

Later, when Ronald Reagan attempted to co-opt Springsteen’s song, "Born in the USA," which was misunderstood as a patriotic anthem, Bruce was forced to consider the issue of political candidates. From that point on, he supported Democratic candidates.

He later formed a special relationship with Barack Obama, a huge fan of his music, and they eventually became friends, even co-writing a book together. (It’s no coincidence that Barack Obama later supported Ethel Cain—it was a genuine passion for her music, which reminded him of Bruce Springsteen’s universe, with a fresh perspective and the same critical sense of America.)

Thus, Hayden / Ethel Cain is not yet at the age when Springsteen became politically engaged.

Then there’s the international context with the war in the Middle East. Springsteen, a pacifist who has written against wars, hasn’t spoken out on this particular subject, likely due to his age and the health issues he faced last year. His guitarist briefly spoke to say that it was a very complicated issue.

Moreover, Trump probably doesn’t have a very different stance on this issue, so the Middle East isn’t a highly differentiating factor in the election. Springsteen maintains his traditional Democratic position, focusing on other differences.

As a trans woman, Hayden would naturally seem closer to the Democrats’ position here, but she also has the choice not to base everything on the trans issue that personally affects her. Her criticism of the Democrats is rooted in international politics.

Bruce is from the North (New Jersey), and he shares a closer affinity with the Democratic mentality than Hayden, who is from the South, which tends to be more Republican or anti-federal. I believe Hayden’s Southern family and local mythology don’t necessarily align with Democratic thinking, even beyond the issue of Middle East policy. Hayden’s rhetoric often puts billionaires and politicians on both sides in the same boat, reflecting a very Southern mentality of distrust toward the elite. But she is still young for all these political issues, and I don't know if she has had the opportunity to thoroughly explore these topics, beyond her outrage against the current war. Once again, at her age, Bruce Springsteen also did not have any electoral engagement or very specific political thoughts.

There are many differences that are easy to understand. Both Bruce and Hayden are sincere and true to themselves, each speaking from their own age, history, the America they know—whether it’s the North or the South—and according to the issues they find most pressing at the moment.

Politics is a topic that is both very simplistic (due to the simplifications of electoral choices, for or against this or that) and very complicated (because of the multitude of issues addressed and the interconnections that make it difficult to fully agree with one side against another).

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