#she could cut my head off
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My partner’s reoccuring character in many games. We call her Lean Lady and she’s just uh Lean guts but woman
#my art#momtherkari#lean lady#I LOVE HER#I LOVE#I LOVE LEAN#I LOVELEAAAN#i would die for this woman#she could cut my head off#in fact#i'd beg her to cut my head off#fr
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I finished posting the unabashedly educational Sword Fic.
It includes a detailed (but hopefully beginner-friendly) explanation of all the steps of making a Nichirin blade from a sunny mountain like Mt. Youkou, a touch of swordsmith and metalworker folk lore (including demons), meta about what must make Kimetsu no Yaiba's swordsmithing methods different from real life methods, some character exploration for Haganezuka and his polishing method, vocabulary and additional resources in the chapter notes, and hopefully, an endearing, silly POV character to learn this all through.
#my fics#SWORDS SWORDS SWORDS#would you like a story about the years of background of this fic?#I was not very well-versed in metallurgy until recent years but my study of the Japanese language goes back to#well#longer than some of you may have been around#I always liked samurai and swords for the aesthetic but started to take more of an interest when I lived in Shimane#and on a day when I had a friend taking me around to rural sites associated with a legendary monster she was like#let's go see the sword museum while you're out here#but that museum was closed (it comes back into this story though)#so we went to a different one that no longer exists but that was my first encounter with how much work it takes to make the sword ore#fast forward years later#I am writing this blog and it becomes known as a fun place to read about Japanese culture as seen in KnY (thanks glad you enjoy)#I decide that I must tell people how hard it is to make the ore and finally visit that main museum on a trip back to Shimane#I collect material and struggle to do more research and wrap my head around it#and I write the first version of Teppi's story that focused mostly on the smelting and glazed over the forging and polishing and stuff#meanwhile I am in a job situation I have already long since wanted out of and soon I want out a lot more desperately#job searches were disheartening but then I found THE ONE I WANTED#and on that first interview when I was already like PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#they asked if there's a Japanese cultural topic I could suddenly explain in great detail if asked#and without mentioning this blog I said I had recently written up something for fun about tatara smelting methods (and they forgot this)#fast forward again and I very happily got the job and was very nervous as I got the rundown on a very large annual nerd project#and when they announced the topics for that year I saw that tatara smelting methods in the region I knew them from was on the list#and I was like#asudyaiusdyuasdyuahduahduhsdhuPLEASE GIVE ME THAT#and i got it and when I went out there for research people were like#...why do you know all this...???????#and since I dared not mention my KnY blog I was like#...I lived in Shimane...#it seems I broke the tags because the rest of the story got cut off but hi yes you get the idea
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i have a feeling that the last picture of the last jjk chap will be some weird kind of gojo awakening.
#mark my words#but like i still think that it's so unlikely that gege left him cut in half after so very specifically stating that unless the head is off#there's no limits to rct#and yeah body switch and shit but like... gojo's body is now healed and i bed shoko can put the brain in a jar full of healing juices or sm#i refuse to believe that he was seriously offscreened#it's the same with nobara#she was full on killed but gege kept us waiting for a thousand chapters and suddenly she's back and kicking#like if nobara could survive having her HEAD transfigured when we know mahito was a bitch to survive#then i refuse to believe that gojo can't#anyway gege is cooking something i tell you that#it's so very purposeful that there was no closure#i tell you that#also it's hot as hell and my brain is melting so it might also be it#on the chat with ris
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i need vi and jinx to be violently protective of each other so bad yall don't even get it
#someone planted the theory in my head that ambessa is gonna cut off jinxs braids as a trophy#and that got me thinking like. what if vi saw ambessa with the braids before she knew that jinx wasn't dead and goes hog wild on her ass#this most likely won't happen but god could you imagine#or like vi cornered or trapped somewhere. jinx coming to her rescue. “now it's my turn to chase the monsters away.”#arcane#vi#jinx#can you tell I'm ill abt them#it speaks
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having to explain to people things like. if i have to go out to do something and run errands i need to have it all mapped out and planned w like. at least a week in advance. and if i go out that day i cannot do anything else because That will be it. if i have multiple commitments that cannot be put on the same day i need one full day in between those commitments so i can rest and be recharged for that next thing otherwise i might have a breakdown in the middle of the street (again) and then That will render me unable to function for like a whole three days. and then people look at me like i choose to live like this?
#txt#audhd tag#just venting a little#its crazy because ppl around me are like I understand your limitations However why dont you-#So you dont understand my limitations?#like okay yeah i understand that it must be Weird for people that are not Inside my brain and hard to understand that i PHYSICALLY CANNOT>#do things that they dont even think about. alright! but to sit and tell me Yeah we get it! but then try to either fix it or >#> come up w a New Incredible Way To Fix Me as if half of what i talk abt w my therapist isnt Exactly This#like yeah i dont fucking like it either. i wish i could do shit like other ppl do. i wish i could remember things.#i wish i didnt feel exhausted all the time i wish simply leaving my bed wasnt the most difficult task every single morning#but it pisses me OFF when people try to talk me through these Limitations i have that They Understand<3 like. can you be accommodating or no#one of my closest friends and oldest friends since i was like 5 had her bday on friday and she ljterally messaged me like#Hi we r having something w my family but theyre rly loud and extremist on the right wing side and i barely wanna be here u dont have 2 come>#> but i wanted to invite u anyway so u dont think ur being left out! and i was like Yayy nice thank u bc lbr i probably wouldnt go anyway.#and she KNOWS that. and she literally was talking to me like she alwahs does and That felt accommodating and understanding and i felt loved#cut to my mom last night trying to make me feel guilty for not going because Shes my friend and i should have gone anyway.#i told her off and she backtracked but thats still innmy head like. that shit is so irritating#okay sorry vent over im just aboht to get my period so this is making me sick#want to yell into the void and forget about it. Hits post
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I THINK!! usopp and nami (and maybe others too) need to learn haki. They said you can't be in the new world without it because everyone is just so incredibly strong and here we are. They are getting headbutted to death and can't do anything about it (their abilities are being nerfed for the plot I know) but they could be SO GOOD if they could do something more idk.... we saw how strong nami was with zeus.... but she has fought with her bostaff before and that just disappeared... nami haki bostaff you will live in my dreams I guess
#jesus christ the blood#OH MY GOD!! KIKU!!!!!#WHY HER????????#episode 1005#WHY DO WOMEN HAVE TO SUFFER!!! TAKE ALL HER PAOM AND MAKE SANJI HAVE IT#SHINOBU!!!!!! YAMATO!!! DESTROY THEM!!!!!#rovin and chipper with a plank akdhass#hamlet and fourtricks lmaooo#now back to BEAUTIFUL WOMEN SUFFERING!!!! SHE IS NOT DEAD DONT MAKE THAT FACE!!!! OH SHE IS ALRIGHT#WOUND CAUTERIZING OMG!!!!! kaido just there watching ajdjakdjk AND SHE GETS UP TO FIGHT AGAIN!!! BADDEST BITCH IN WANO!!!!#now she cant do the oden nitoryuu#death makes humans whole..... you could have had your head cut off 10 minutes ago#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1006#im blaming sanji for kikus arm. if he had gotten there earlier he would have gotten the hit and a woman wouldn't have spilled her blood#APOO IS ALIVE AND KICKING AGAIN??? DIEEEEEE#episode 1007#you know its getting slow when the episode tags look like this lmao#zoro complaining how fighting apoo is a waste KILL HIM THEN!!! DECAPITATION!!!!#not only ZORO but DRAKE IS THERE TOO! APOO SHOULD BE QUARTERED ALREADY!!!!#NAMI!!!!!! ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL WOMAN SUFFERING AND AS ALWAYS SANJI IS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN!!! HYPOCRITE!!!!#this is why armor haki needs to be taught on the sunny. wdym nami can just get super hit. like come on. this is just self preservation#omg..... usopp brain fracture.... NAMI AVENGE HIM!!!#OMG NAMI WILLI#G TO DIEEE FOR LUFFYS DREAM!!! AND TAMAAA!!!!!!!! COMES AND SAVES HER!!!!!#usopp wanting her to lie and save herself but no..... damn and he wouldn't do it either#episode 1009#CARROT KICK HIS ASS!!!!! noooooooo :(((( i feel like we don't get enough of someone missing someone dead like this.... it's so good....#WANDA SULONG TOO?? LETS FUCKING GOOOO!!!! PEROSPERO SAY YOUR PRAYERS!!!!
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There was supposed to be a second half to this, but I can't wrap my brain around how I would draw it :(
#pmatga#my art#betrayus spheros#aunt spheria#betrayus then responds to mei with 'once.'#nahh but that would be funny if he did#I had somewhat of a conversation in my head but it never really went anywhere i don't think#the main part of it was betrayus just going 'yeah we dated.. for like a WEEK!'#(when they dated? i have no idea lol)#and then he goes on to say that he thinks spheria is into older men (he's younger than her by 9 years I think?)#but before he could finish that sentence mei cuts him off with something but idk what#I wanted it to be a moment were mei tries not to give away that she likes him and that's why I drew this thing in the first place#but i couldn't even draw!! the part that started it!!#creativity is wild!#also trans masc betrayus :handshake: trans fem spheria#pmatga oc#mei lián
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Do you ship Redcloak with anyone?
i like these two
2023.01.14
#order of the stick#redcloak#oona oots#the only other redcloak ship i've seen is redcloak/vaarsuvius#which I never had enough interest in to sit down and consider#I could mayyybe be sold on a very dark and depressing xykon/redcloak. I haven't seen it before and idk how it would work exactly but there#is potential (thanks tumblr for cutting off my tag when i pressed post without any indication you were going to do that)#but yeah oona and redcloak is good imo#im not sure how compatible they would ACTUALLY be but their interactions are just so charming#he gives off huge Do Not Touch vibes#so the way he lets her manhandle him is... honestly... cute#when im having redcloak brainworms the part where she gives him a noogie is on constant repeat inside my head#something about it makes me wonder if he's touch starved. Anyway#i think oona is one of the very few characters he even marginally relaxes around#so much of his screentime is spent interacting with people he actively hates#and if he doesn't hate them then there's a certain professionalism at play that makes genuine connection difficult (eg with jirix)#there's something very fragile and very special about redcloak actually listening to someone. and I like seeing it#(that fragile special something may just be her race. but um let's pretend it isn't lmao)#oots#oona#also sorry for the late reply... irl stuff#csp
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Sizing chart of cute: One Size Fits All (Patreon)
#Doodles#Just Desserts#Villainsona#Spider Bites#Have some cutes to pull you up and out! Finally out from under the Big Bads!#One of the things I've been trying to more often is fullbodies - I default to busts soooo much#They're great for expression work! But they're samey and don't stretch me to work on anything below the chest#Fullbodies are good! I like seeing the whole of my characters! And luckily Charm is cute from head to toe so drawing all of her is fun :)#If anything I still struggle with her hair so the upper half of her is probably easier to cut off generally lol#1/3rd hair type design lol#I love her shoes sm ahhh she's so cute <3#Ballet-style pose! I finally added Princess Tutu to my breakfast anime and it was quite cute I enjoyed it :D#Definitely very much a fairytale - wish Ahiru had gotten a slightly happier ending!#I think it would've shaped me a lot at my formative first-anime-engagement age haha but I still enjoyed it as an adult :)#Lots of very pretty poses of course! Fun there as well#More Marshmallow Fluff and Wafer yayy <3 <3 They're the cutes#Love the themst#And the trio's pets again! I gotta give Lemon Squares a pet so I can have all my faves gathered in earnest lol#I think I was speculating about what pet she'd have recently.....a powdered sugar fawn? I can't recall#Oh I have her with a Canary in my notes that's extremely cute haha - she could do with a lemon drop bunny too! Gah too many cutes to choose#It's always that way with the pets haha - but for these three here they're all chatting in their sleep hehe <3#Chirping and yipping and baaing hehe the cutes! Love the lads#And a bonus spider bite and Spider Bites! Truly singular and double there that's funny lol#Worried little guy just a small and lonesome lad! Not very intimidating in singular haha#I wonder what their Battle form would look like hm :)#Couple'a Spider Bites checking in with herselves - one Charm was worried but being together makes it better!#They're cute wahh#Self-confidence self-assuredness better alone together - remember to rely on others too!
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So weird... I booked another 2 day hotel stay in NJ because the cabin mishap stress + this stay made me realize how necessary it might be for me to have a chill, safe, unfamiliar place to decompress in after the absolute psyche shock that being immersed within the ancient familiarity of the place of my very dark and very traumatizing upbringing, right? Good idea, good idea- I'm only going back there so that I can face the dark and long buried/ignored memories that have been resurfacing lately and in attempt to let go of the past... but that's besides the point...
I'm from a very small town so there's not that many hotels in the area that aren't wildly expensive outside of Seaside Heights (jersey shore- don't want to stay there- could run into brother or lowlife father- last i head my dad lives in a motel there and idk which one), let alone pet friendly ones. So I booked at this place. All over their very own website as well as their expedia page, it says it is pet friendly, with a $100 deposit per stay and a $50 fee per night.
But then their pre-check in says STRICTLY no pets and you'll be charged a bunch of money if you're caught with them??? So I called and was assured that they are pet friendly and the fee info is correct, I just have to tell them upon arrival, and I *am* allowed to pay the pet fees in cash (I don't have a credit card anymore so I have to book through expedia to use debit- there wasn't an option to add pets in the booking process but there also wasnt an option for that in the booking process for this hotel; i had to call).
Which should be comforting, right? EXCEPT there were a couple reviews I found deep down that explained doing exactly the same, booking and calling to confirm pets were allowed... only to get there and be told there weren't any pet friendly rooms (at that time, I guess?)-- so I suppose we are winging it! I'll find out tomorrow lol. Worst case scenario I'll have to book somewhere in Seaside or stay in my car. I'll just make sure it's a hotel and not a motel; I highly doubt my dad is living in a hotel. My family is also highly unlikely to recognize me in my current form. I was like 100lbs up until 2020 and now I'm like almost 180 and my moles aren't even in the same places lol, so as long as they don't see my teeth I'm probably good.
#i have a unique hair color that doesn't translate well in photos but i don't think anyone other than my mom would take note of that#it's red but not normal red and not really in line with the other red hair names either#in first grade my teacher asked my mom if she could cut a sample of my hair off to bring to her hair stylist because of it lmao#(she let her which is amusing to me)#some people see me and classify me as a red head and then other people are shocked that i consider myself one#it's been weird lol
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izanami is such a fucking asshole with Marie that she says—she's TOLD—she's a "spy" on humanity. a little fucking prick decided by the same bitch that lied to her face like it was breathing. I mean, you can't say iznmi's wrong right now because they know that you kept her alive. Which meant they were there at her tomb (BECAUSE THEY WERE THERE TO PERSONALLY CLOSE HER CASKET). BUT this fucking bastard laughs when they notice for the first time that you have the comb. the comb they should be full aware of where it's going, which hands it's being passed to—IF THEY WERE AWARE IN THE FIRST PLACE. if they actually USED Marie as the spy she was made to believe she is. She's the perfect vessel, the perfect walking nanny cam for Inaba, but NO. the ONLY time izanami has ever seen through her was in her tomb. has ever used her. has ever possessed her. in the realm definitely not for humans. the world they were born in and not an external factor to the nature of their birth.
BITCH gives a poor girl, dressed up as the representation of personality and rebellion and her poet aspect showing her loneliness and isolation, a false sense of purpose right when she was born. that she's just a trashcan for fog with a tomb adorned in flowers and memories at its dumpsite. that she was there to watch people and walk around the human world to remember nothing and be remembered by nobody. if yaldaboath can kick an old man out of his stupid blue office, what more than izanami using a child as a periscope in their guinea pig's dreambase of operations and understand the power of Persona and Truth and Bonds and counteract these meddling kids' and their Power of Friendship in stopping the formation of the New World where they can grant the majority's wish to live in lies and their stupid shitfuck fog.
not that I'm saying I do want god to make full use of their powers and have a better advantage at rigging their social experiment that already concluded by this point but like. fucking asshole didn't even need Marie. so why. put her through so much unnecessary grief. why not dispose her form the start when she'd be thrown away in the end anyway. why make her go through this field trip to remember the home she loves and protects if she could only remember.
why make her suffer through this humanity both of you were supposed to have. make her believe she's nothing and have her put herself to sleep quietly pushing away all the people she loves and who love her when you'll just make fun of her entire existence. did you do this to laugh? were the humans you born from give you the template to make people who search for the truth suffer? that anyone thinking of protecting these selfish masses should just die? that developing humanity is a bad thing? that that's your humor? could you not kill her yourself? was this only for your entertainment? a sick representation of the people who gave birth to you truly are?
#// this some kind of fuck you baltimore kind of shit sorry something happened to me#persona 4 spoilers#persona 5 spoilers#p4#marie persona#izanami persona#⛽️🌫#sulululat#pagsususuri#// actually no I'm NOT sorry I am izanami hater no 1 marie lover forever goodness gracious#// wrapping my head around iznmis motives for years until I'm sick in the stomach because I HATE THEM and I'M SO MAD#// iznmi is such a puppet to me shes so hollow I literally don't know how else to describe it so concisely#// rise was right this bitch has no heart. maybe because of the shitty writing or whatever.#// like you can cut them from their marionette strings or take out their battery to power off and it's just like that#// iznmi is Nothingness but also everything at the same time. a face and voice for the collective that gave birth to them because they're#// humanity itself. they have no substance or 'self' because they're a representation of a collection of egos without their own being#// the only 'personality' you'll get from iznmi is just a representation of this concentrate of human unconsciousnesses and#// iznmi is just some sort of front. gesturing my hands right now ive been thinking about this for YEARS#// marie grew her own ego she cultivated it and took good care of it with friends she could trust and love with the heart she has#// she's 'marie' and it's just so solid and Real to me#// it would make sense that iznmi is gone because they're Nothing to begin with.#// if anything I'd give iznmi the best actor award if you're going to ask me anything#// okay yeah hatership won but so did the sleepies goodnight guys sorry for the yaoi here's my defense
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Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....
#I had SO MUCH POTENTIAL and I SQUANDERED IT!! weak ass third grade PUSSY! Your life could have been SO SICK!!#or you could at least be addicted to cocain or something interesting like that!! Boring ass goody two shoes always just staying home doing#NOTHING bitch make a REAL FRIEND go to a God Damn PARTY live a little instead of just hiding in the closet eating saltine crackers for years#waiting for it to be quiet outside before you ever even toed the line#mentally ill self-isolating motherfucker#you could have shrugged it off you could have GROWN A PAIR and FOUGHT BACK but you just ran and cried for mommy#victim complex little bitch baby always whining and exaggerating and making shit up fucking LIAR I am you and I KNOW what you did and I know#you knew it wasn't the truth and you regretted it the moment it came out of uour mouth but once you'd said it you just swallowed it back and#doubled down incriminating or discrediting others with your lies. For why? Because you didn't like them? You could have ruined someone's#life you wouldn't have hesitated mayhe you did and don't even remember because you cant keep your mouth shut with your pants ablaze#manipulative little shit and to WHAT END? Pity? Sympathy? Attention? Entertainment?? What was even going on in your stupid ugly head?#This is a callout post for my third grade self that possessed demon ass evil nine year old. That kid drowned anthills in olive oil and#poisoned a wild animal once. That kid cut plants just to see if they oozed. That kid modified her whole ass personality on a dime for a boy#she had a crush on. INSTANTLY dropped a LIFELONG CULTURAL ALLEGIANCE (thats what football teams were like back then in our town) because he#said he had the opposite allegiance??? What the fuck? girl had NO integrity none zip zilch.#No empthy either that kid looked at everyone else on earth like they were friggin space aliens and she was the only one with Real feelings.#bitch literally thought like 'I have Feelings they just have Reactions' bitch what the fuckkkkk#that nine year old was fucked the hell up!!!#and for literally NO REASON!! No cause!! Just born fucking evil and weird. jesus fuck.#Evil ass bitch caused her autistic brother months of nightmares and then laughed about it and wrote poetry about how evil he was because he?#was a kid??? Normal sibling rivalry taken way way way too far defamatory ass statements#and this girl had NO CONSEQUENCES because she could lie and manipulate her way out of ANYTHING she had the baby eyes and the helpless charm#and played dumb soooo well . read people like some calculative evil AI scanning their faces for microexpressions and overanalyzing each word#choice like holy shit. its not That Deep. pretentious shit trying to play 5D chess on a checkers board.#Manipulating shit just to see what happens?? zero awareness?? no asking just skipping straight to testing for yourself??#'What happens if I step on this' it fucking breaks 'what does that taste like?' it's not fucking yours to mess with 'if I hit this person#how will they respond?' they'll be upset use your goddamn judgement you are NINE not TWO do you even care a little about any other person??#Are you just living in some other reality???#callout post for the fucking demon child inside of me#im so goddamn problematic I'm so so so deeply mentally disturbed and broken for no reason
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Unfortunately that kitten had to go back to her foster mom who. I am pretty sure is going to be fired from the shelter we work with because holy fuck she was The worst -_- god she was cute tho im glad i got to spend time with her today
#like at first she was here with her mom who was a beautiful grey cat#but. she was not doing well. something was very wrong. she didnt move at all the entire day#she had brown pus in her eyes#her breathing was uneven. all she could do was move her eyes around really#so we called her to say we need you to come pick her up and get her checked out because she is really sick#and this bitch snaps at us like 'okay well actually shes fine' and just complains at us for making her come back to get her#and we're like. ok man like your cat is very ill sorry for being concerned about not only her health but her babys health too#let ALONE the health of allll the other animals that come into our store + families petting her that may bring back the illness to their own#animals...#anyway so they finally come back to pick her up and its two of them. one is level headed and the other was the bitch lol#like my coworker had taken them out and was sanitizing the cage and she goes 'well thats STUPID theyre from the same home'#and we start to explain that it doesnt fckin matter were doing what we can to keep the kitten as healthy as possible#but luckily het sister or whoever it was cut her off and was like 'nono thats what they should do. thats what vets do im glad theyre doing#that' and then she was like yelling and yada yada yada#anyway. they FINALLY turn to leave but just before she turns around and goes 'oh by the way i brought another cat to replace the mom.#just dont expect him to be bubbly since you expect cats to be so energetic. hes 9'#like. first of all. its fucking insane that you briught another cat in the first place cuz what happens if the kitten is already sick now#second of all. she adds 'also they havent met each other yet. bye'#LIKE WHAT!!!!!!! THE FUCK DO YOU M3AN THEY HAVENT MET EACH OTHET#YOU JUST LEAVE US WITH ONE POSSIBLY INFECTED KITTEN ANNND A SENIOR CAT THAT HASNT EVEN MET THIS KITTEN???!?!?!?#and were supposed to just leave them together overnight and hope for the best???? BITCH#so yeah anyway we ended up having to call the shelter who called the foster mom Again. thankfully her sister showed up to take them both#but then her fckin sister didnt even tell her she was supposed to take bith cats it was sooo. what a night man#just wow lol#thank u 4 coming to my pet store rant
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*listening to that orin give me agony post straight for 45 minutes* yea I’d say I’m p normal about media. Normal about her.
#I neeeeeeeeeeed to be in a toxic manipulative abusive evil relationship w her#well fight and cut each other open w knives and kill each other and I’ll put my hand in her insides and she give me brain damage#ME AND MY GF DONT FIGHT SHE JUST BASH ME IN THE HEAD W A ROCK AND I WALK IT OFF LIKE A MAN#we could make each other worse. I need to kiss her. I need to claw her as she claws me and bite each other
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#vent post vent post lalalala#i wanted to post some pictures from my weekend trip with my friends before its too late but then i saw my fucking face and now i wanna kms#like oh my god. oh my god this is really truly the face im stuck with forever and ever and ever till the day im fuckin rotting in the groun#incredible how unfair life can be lmao (<- girl who is having such incredibly superficial stupid fucking problems but is otherwise#quite privileged but of course that will never be fucking enough for her because she's soooooo fckn stupid and selfish and annoyinggg lol)#i dont know why im so obsessed with it now#like i genuinely remember KNOWING that im kinda ugly (and fat) in high school and being like 'so what lol idc'#so WHY is it such an issue now?????#idk. i just kinda wish i was dead every time i look at my face and realise there's nothing i can do to change it#i can dress in ways that will cover my ugly ass shapeless body. maybe i can even go back to my ed properly this time#and lose some weight. for a time. before i gain back twice as much and the circle begins anew lol#but my face is not gonna change no matter what i do lmao unless i fucking scrape it off with a grater or smash my head into pieces#and like. even if i do get that rhinoplasty (its not gonna change my faceshape anyway. nothing i can do to fix THAT fuckin atrocity)#every time ill look in the mirror i will only be reminded that its fake. and that my natural face was disgusting enough it had to be cut up#to be fixed somewhat.#i just wish i had ONE. just ONE nice thing about my body. literally just one its not even funny lol#and its so fucked up when you look at my mom who was so insanely fucking beautiful when she was my age. like. i cant blame her#cause how could she have known that the genes she'll pass on will not result in anything good lol but also i feel like such a failure#like its not really my fault i got the genes i got. but yknow.#anyway im tired of always being the ugliest person in any group im hanging out with. my cousins? check. my hometown friends? check.#my uni friends? my GOD check (how ARE they all so pretty and skinny??? insane).#god i wish i were dead. like fr fr. im not actively suicidal since i cant bring myself to *do* shit anyway. but i just wish i never existed
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Lmao okay okay white cishet social manager has now been added to the DEI Pride planning meetings which frankly is important to ensure shit is done right I’m attending as the multi-tool queer of the division and comms administrator/quartermaster who’s main role is holding the comms team accountable (my supervisors/head of comms words not mine) so my goal of making sure our Pride and LGBTQIA+ history month campaigns aren’t reductive capitalist rainbow washed nonsense is still a go
#the head of marketing is a cis gay man who i respect highly and like but he's very much into rainbow washing and capitalist pride#as someone who came out much later in life and has been cut off from his community (i can only assume he does not make an effort to connect)#which is a point of frustration with me i am one of four (?) openly lgbtqia+ members of our divisions not counting students#and its two cis gay men#a she/they lesbian mom who i love but barely work with#and me the grey ace bisexual transmasc nonbinary person aka the multi-tool queer#the two cisgay men don't really register my experiences or queerness as legitimate or on par with their own i'm rarely included in convo#one does at times but only to complain about cishet nonsense or to discuss new shows to watch but our tastes don't line up a ton#the head of marketing does not regard me as an equal in the queer community at all and while i do not deny his input for pride whatsoever#i worry that his social manager will use him being gay as an excuse to be lazy and reductive and only show the cisgay rainbow washed pov#hence me stepping in last year/being brought in by our old social manager (i miss you cody) and comms team last year#because they knew this was a risk and they are all cishet#i feel like this is potentially going to be the breaking point in my polite friendship with her#like we're friendly when its not about work but theres always been something off and i don't like her work/approach#and i just feel like something is going to go wrong her need to interrupt this morning with I MADE A HEADER just felt wrong idk#head of comms chose me for our divisions dei committee as well so i could be part of these internal conversations so again idk#maybe im just on edge because of -gestures at usa right now- and i have absolutely no patience for us fuckin up something out of laziness
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