#she also had a really bad relationship with her mother so
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Seamstress | Part 7
Check out part 1 here.
CW: Momma drama. If you have a bad mom relationship like I do please read with caution. Also John comes home a bit broken. He gets better but not in this part.
John appears behind you as you are stepping into your shop. When his hand pushes the door open wider from behind you startle.
“Jesus fuck me!” You jump and spin, eyes wide and chest heaving as you confirm who stood behind you.
The slightly worried look on John’s face tells you he didn’t mean to startle you.
“Sorry dove thought you heard me.”
“Apparently my thoughts were too loud,” sheepishly you push the door shut behind him and begin to flick on lights.
Waiting for you at the counter with John is your jewelry box. It looks better than before if that is possible.
“I didn’t stain it,” John runs a finger down the side and you wish that digit dragged down your side instead.
Fuck, bitch you can’t be this horny yet, he just arrived. Apparently, the earth-shattering orgasm from your vibrator last night with the taste of him on your lips wasn’t enough. When did you get so greedy?
“Why not?” You ask as you fold your arms, not one hundred percent sure your bra would be able to trap your steel-tipped nipples.
Glancing from the box to John you see a soft smile. When he looks up at you it grows.
“I noticed how much you seemed to like the grain of the wood and seemed sad at the idea of it being covered up. A few coats of clear lacquer to protect it and it was done.”
“I love it. I’m so glad you chose lacquer. I would have been happy with any choice you made but this? It’s wonderful.” Leaving the box at the counter you waved John to follow you.
“I made you something as well.” Putting a hand on the nob of the door to the back room you spun. “I know it’s not really a problem, but you have complained about going into what you call “power meetings” with only your slacks or your fancy uniforms so I made you something that should hold up against scrutiny.”
John’s arms are folded, head tilted ever so slightly to watch you with the smile tucked under his mustache.
Taking a deep breath you twist the handle and step back into the room. You hung the suit on the wall directly in front of the door so you could watch his face as he saw it. You had paid a pretty penny for the fabric, thread, and buttons. They all came together so seamlessly that even your friend who was a tailor wouldn’t have been able to know a suitmaker hadn’t put it together unless he started to pull it apart at the seams. You had also purchased the silk for his shirt and made that by hand as well.
The smile falls from his face as he steps up to the suit and runs a hand lightly over it.
“Holy fuck.”
Glancing from side to side you bite your lip.
“So what do you think?”
When he turns you know why people like blue eyes so much. John’s blue eyes are enchanting with the tears rimming his lashes. They remind you of the ocean in the photos you’ve seen of tropical places.
“I can’t think of a gift that has ever meant more to me,” he chokes out around the tears in his throat.
“Do you want to try it on?” You suggest, heart fluttering in your chest.
“I want-”
His desires were cut off by the sound of the bell.
Turning you call out.
“Sorry, we are closed today,” when you catch sight of your mom.
The warmth that had settled over you like sunlight as spring breaks chilled to the harshest of winter breezes. Shutting the door to the back room, and your joy from your sorrow you face your mother.
“You didn’t come to Christmas,” she starts.
“I told Pop I would be going to Nana’s this year.”
“You’re still mad at me,” she pouts with her eyebrows.
Your mother had skills in expressing herself without making a scene about it.
“I am not mad, I’m done.”
Your mother stepped up to the counter, slowly opening each drawer of your gift. Snatching it off the counter you placed it on your working desk next to your sewing machine.
“What does being done have to do with not coming to Christmas?”
She’s pulling that mom tone again, trying to force you into a child role whether she knows it or not.
“I do not enjoy the way I feel while spending time with you. I do not like the comments you make or the fact that even when my brother is being rude I am still in the wrong. And I am done putting myself in situations to be hurt because you happened to get knocked up and produce me.”
She had told you once that you were a birth control failure baby. She had been drinking, you had been ten.
“I did not happen to get knocked up,” she sputtered.
Taking a deep breath you point your eyes at the ceiling and pray for patience.
“That is not the point of this conversation and I apologize for bringing it up. What I am saying is that I won’t be spending more time with you until we can go to family therapy. I’ve told this to Pop several times. I will send you a few options between us and will set up the appointment as well.”
“But I am your mother!” She is getting shrill, a sure sign she is losing control of the conversation in her mind.
“And I am grown. Now I have a private appointment I need to get back to.”
“Is this because of the comment about no one paying to see you naked? I’m sorry that you were offended by what I said.”
Your jaw works as your fingers curl into talons and your shoulders stiffen.
“I am not having that discussion here and now. Pick a therapist from the list I send you or leave me alone.”
Mom looks shocked, scared even, at the tone you use. She turns leaving in a huff and you open the door to the back to see John, shirt unbuttoned and eyes blown wide as if someone dosed him with drugs.
“That’s an option? I can pay to see you naked? Is a hundred enough?”
“A hundred?” You ask, confused but slightly hurt that he thought you were so cheap.
“No? Okay, a hundred and fifty thousand?” He looks desperate and hopeful and lost and like he might combust all at once.
You choke on your spit. Did that man just offer a hundred and fifty thousand dollar bucks to see you naked!?
All it would have taken is a glass of wine, a smokey look, and an invitation to bed and your clothes would have disappeared from your body like they never existed. Like damn you had high self-confidence, forged out of hate comments online and in real life, but you weren’t worth that much. Maybe John did like you like you liked him?
He stepped forward, mouth opening to form words when his phone went off. The instant change told you it was work.
“Dammit all to hell and may it never return,” he snatched up his pants from the cot and answered the phone as he moved it to his ear, snarling. “What?”
You watched as the soldier overtook the man. His back straightened as he tucked the phone between his shoulder and his ear beginning to work at the buttons at his wrists. Stepping into his space you took over the task freeing him faster than he would have managed. Helping him out of the shirt you fold it over one arm, watching as he disappears below his shirt to reappear through the head hole. You don’t offer to help him remove the pants but take them when offered without comment.
John doesn’t spare you a glance as he pulls his cargo pants up, sheathing the deliciously thick thighs he hides. When he sits to tie his boots you toss the clothes from your arms to the cot and kneel to take over that task for him. Tying them tight you stand and offer him a hand. He takes it, holding on as he stands.
Still on the phone he pulls your knuckles to his lips and turns the phone away from his mouth.
“When I get back, we are talking about this.”
It’s all you can do to nod before he dons his coat and slips into the precipitation of January.
🪡🪡🪡🪡🪡🪡🪡🪡🪡🪡🪡🪡🪡🪡🪡🪡🪡🪡🪡🪡🪡🪡
The last of the snowdrops are blooming when John makes it back home. Between the knocks at the front door and the vibrating of your phone from under your pillow, you wake enough to stumble to the front door. The door opens fully before your eyes do.
John looks haggard, as if he aged ten years in the three months he was gone. A full beard had grown in, the ends ragged and uneven. His eyes flick over you. No expression crosses his face.
“John? You’re home,” the sigh in your last word pulls him through the door and into your arms.
It’s too late for your mind to come up with reasons why dragging him into your room after locking the front door would be a bad idea. Stripping him of his boots and his pants you invite him to lay under the blankets with you by laying them atop him and letting him settle into the mattress. Crossing around the bed you join him between the sheets. Laying on your side you stare at him.
Something about him felt broken and you didn’t dare hold him and make it worse.
“What can I do John?” You ask the darkness between you.
The words settle on him like the ice blown around in the wind of the gulag.
“Tell me what happened while I was gone. I don’t feel real.”
You scoot closer to him in the bed, less than a handswidth between you.
“I brought your suit home. I missed you a few weeks after you left and had nothing but the photo from the party and your gift. My mom started going to individual therapy. We tried a couple of family sessions but the therapist recommended that she do some personal work before we attempt to do much more work on fixing our relationship. My brother called me on my birthday, which was unexpected. I bet my po-”
“I missed your birthday?” John’s broken whisper cut you off.
“Yeah,” you reach out and touch his pinky. He flinches so you shift your hand back, but before it can go too far his hand chases you locking your fingers together.
“When is your birthday?”
“Valentine’s Day.”
“You must hate that.”
The accurate observation surprises you. You’ve talked with other people who have birthdays on holidays, most Christmas and New Year’s babies hate it, birthdays on big celebration days that aren’t the big big ones tend to go either way but for you, it always felt required to have a date on your birthday. Were you out because your date wanted to celebrate you or show off for the table around you?
“I do,” you let out a small chuckle. “My brother was born on May Day, he doesn’t seem to mind it. When is your birthday John?”
“July second.” He pulls in a deep breath, “Will you hold me?”
Small and scared his voice pierces into your chest.
“However you want to be held,” you answer in earnest.
“Lay back?”
You adjust to settle on your back, fixing the pillow below your head. John follows you, as cautious as an alley cat. Once his head is resting against your chest, chin tipped between your breasts you curl your arm around his shoulder next to your ribs and rest your hand on his back. The shuddering breaths that start from him prompt you to keep telling him about what happened while he was away.
“Did you know your muppets came to visit me? They all brought in their own fixes and asked to use your cot. Every one of them woke looking like they had no clue where they were and agreed that they understood why you kept coming back for naps.”
You talk until you drift into sleep, but your dreams are full of stories so maybe you talk to John until you wake.
Seamstress Masterlist | Masterlist
#lostintransit#lostintransit writing#cod#fanfiction#cod x reader#price x reader#john soap mactavish#soap cod#john price x reader#captain john price#simon ghost riley#gary roach sanderson#kyle gaz garrick#fluff#a hint of angst
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I know it's not a fun thing to think about it, and we have one more arc to think about it, but my worry is that the correct take from this is that the writers just have a different, more negative read on the relationship of Silco and Jinx.
Some interviews with cast members give me the vibe that they weren't that comfortable with the too positive read some fans had on Silco. (ie Ella Purnell for example)
My read on Silco as a character, as a person is that he was a guy who suffered trauma, who hardened, and it was important for his character development to grow to care about Jinx. But he's not the subject of this season. Jinx and Caitlyn and Vi are.
And it's not so much that there isn't enough time to do a montage to show Silco's softer side, it's that from Jinx's point of view, from her character development, Silco just isn't as positive a factor. (for the record, this imo doesn't just affect Silco. With Warwick we also didn't really get much about his torture and what it means to him to become the beast, his role also is heavily dictated by what his existance means for Vi and Jinx, like when the flashbacks of his past seemlessly roll over into the montage becoming about Vi's point of view of her mother and sister)
I read the writers interview with things like:
SCIFI VISION: Yeah, it's definitely going to make a change, it sounds like. Talk about the fact that Jinx doesn't, I guess, at least right now, have anybody, now that Silco's gone, too. I mean, is that a good thing? Is that a bad thing? I mean, his influence isn't there, but I do think he actually cared about her, as crazy as he was. CHRISTIAN LINKE: Yeah, I mean, it's the first time in Jinx's life where there isn't someone else telling her who she's supposed to be. In the beginning of her game, it's Vi, her big sister, who she really wants to impress and please. Then it's Silco, who really wants to make her, like, the most potent version of the talented weapons tinkerer that she is.
So, suddenly, the voices are gone, and she has to figure out for herself who she wants to be and what she wants to do, and that is a true first for her.
This reads like they see Jinx being "free" of Silco and figuring herself out as the positive aspect and I think in the show this being represented as her forming relationships and having some happiness and maybe even glipses of "Powder" showing up (when Silco insisted Powder was gone) or Jinx trying to reject being Jinx.
I think there's a good chance that it can't stay that way and Jinx goes back to being Jinx, but the issue is whether that is being portrayed as a bad and tragic thing. Because Act 2 certainly seems to feel wistful about the way Jinx is in it. (that said, there's certainly maybe some meta meaning to be mined on how Viktor's community seems beautiful but it's likely the wrong path/not the real deal)
From the show it's still clear that Jinx cares for Silco, but again in regards to his influence on her it seems to be a more mixed bag. Or even the show leaning towards Silco represents Jinx represents violence and it's something that makes Jinx unhappy and that she tries to back away from a bit.
Now there's a good chance that the death of Isha might put her in a vengeful state and have her go deeper into Jinx as a personality. But again with the open question being whether that makes her happy or actually unhappier.
Right now it feels like going deeper into Jinx seems to be more liked to her losing emotional connection from others (because she's withdrawing deeper into herself and becoming more abrasive with others).
I guess we will see in Act 3 if she goes more Jinx if she comes to enjoy it more and if Silco shows more up in connection to it. (I could see maybe a glimpse of Silco and Jinx's past relationship showing up at like a fundamental transition moment, like giving fully into Jinx or when she is close to death)
I think the problem is that for fans of Silco his relationship with Jinx represents a softening of his hard stance, while the writers from Jinx's point of view seem to mostly be casting as him representing her hardening. Rather than let's say, the softer aspects of their relationship being something that is guiding her out of a dark or hopeless moment.
(which again doesn't mean that Jinx feels negatively towards Silco or that what she takes from it is negativity. And I think there's still plenty of room to tell a story of his having positive influence on her. It starts with her letting go of him and one can argue that having the strenght of let go is an important thing to teach a person (especially if I see Jinx being haunted by the ghosts of Mylo and Claggor being symbols of her inability to let go). And even when Silco fans joke about Jinx's line about how things might have been different if Silco had found the letter, to me that is still a representaiton of Jinx having softer feelings, a softer read on Silco. Maybe it's an unrealistic take on him, but it's a softer take on him rather than her reading him as a negative and oppressive force in her life)
Okay, I'm rambling and not making much sense and we will know soon enough if Silco's role in regards to Jinx becomes more pronounced as she maybe embraces her Jinx side more. Or if the writers have just an a lot more mixed or negative view on his role in her life as it relates to her development. Or if they want to specifically write a story of her emancipating herself from both Vi and Silco and if she makes her choices towards violence or whatever she decides on they want it to be on her own terms rather than just being what Silco wanted. Because they want it to be truly HER story and her choices and not "actually this is the story of badass Silco who formed attachments, sacrificed himself for his daughter and triumphs from beyond the grave because she is finishing what he started because of his badass influence on her".
I guess what I want to say is that I don't think that there being no young Jinx & Silco flashback so far doesn't have to do with lack of time, but them going with a specific characterization for Jinx where her might for whatever reason (too fresh, emancipation, Silco being associated with violence and she is still in the grief phase, her memories not being as positive [people might not like it, but I get the impression if we compare how Jinx interacts with Isha if maybe her childhood with Silco she felt lonely despite his best efforts]) doesn't want to go there yet.
Can I get something off my chest? I was really hoping we'd get more flashbacks of Jinx and Silco together.
their backstory holds so much potential for deeper exploration, expanding on how he raised her after Vander's “betrayal” could have given more insight into how Jinx became who she is, and the complexity of their bond.
Scenes that truly delve into how he cared for her, how their bond was built over time.
I wanted to see those tender, fractured moments where he helped her navigate the chaos in her mind, whether through tough love, quiet support, or simply being there when she had no one else.
Moments where his stern but protective demeanor softened just for her. Maybe a glimpse of him patching her up after a dangerous mission, or the way he'd indulge her quirks when no one else could.
He wasn’t just her dad, he was her anchor in a world that had abandoned her, and it would’ve been fascinating seeing more of how he filled that role. Their bond was so complex god
There’s so much we don’t know, and so much that could have been shown, and I can’t help but feel like more flashbacks could have given it even greater depth.
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In the fun little Roger/Garp idea (AU?), if they are the parents of Ace, would Ace know who his mother is? Would that impact Garp and Ace's relationship? Would Dragon still end up his little brother as a son?
Delightful question, thank you! Pondering this kind of insanity is just what I need!
I think we need to figure out what the setting for this is.
Let's go with a scenario where Garp (who I assume is a woman, since you mentioned her being Ace's mom) is unable to deny Roger his preposterous dying wish of leaving a legacy in the world. She'd already be pissed because they have Dragon, is that not enough? Roger's going to die and the thing he's worried about is legacy? But she can't say no to him no matter how frustrating the bastard is. She doesn't want him to go with regrets.
But then the asshole goes and causes a new age of piracy and suddenly Garp's life is going to be a lot more complicated.
As a marine, Garp has her hands full. She's already worrying about her oldest making bad choices in the aftermath of his dad's death and now there's a hunt on for any potential blood that Roger might have, any women connected to him, any children he could have fathered.
And for some reason Dragon was flying under the radar, she was flying under the radar (maybe Sengoku was running interference, you never know) but this kid? Something tells her that the child that Roger wanted to be his legacy is not going to be so lucky, that the burden of his will and his name is going to be Ace's ruin.
Hiding the kid is probably going to be the best course of action. And maybe Dragon doesn't know about Ace and doesn't find out until he seeks a safe place for his own child. Garp might just recognize this as some strange turn of face. If Dragon wants to risk raising this kid with his warlord wife/husband? Well, here's another one. Good luck. (Dragon would be used to his mom's brand of insanity so this doesn't even shock him too much and since he didn't tell her about Crocodile and Luffy until he absolutely had to, he can't even be grumpy with her.)
And maybe if Ace and Luffy grow up together Garp is granny to Ace too. Though I think Ace would know? And it probably wouldn't make him feel great. Dragon was one thing - Roger probably wasn't even a pirate by the time Dragon was born - but Ace's mom made the decision that he should be born into a world that she knew would hate him. And once he was born she didn't even want him. I think it could really mess with Ace. And no amount of supportive (adoptive) parents would fix it properly. And Marineford would be a hot mess, even worse than it already is now. >w<
And of course we can go with a sillier version where things aren't that dire. Garp could be chaotic and just drop the child on Dragon with a "I'm too old for this, it's time for you to stop your stupid revolutionary fancies and start being a responsible family man!!" (And maybe Roger is alive too in his version. Ace would find both of them very annoying. Garp would always be very offended - in an exaggerated way - when Ace would call her grandma, refusing to call her mom. They'd just be Grandma and Roger to Ace even though Dragon would always make sure to call them mom and dad to maybe get Ace to pick it up, but no. Ace decided that Dragon is his dad and Luffy is his brother, he will not hear anything else. Maybe once he meets Whitebeard he's gonna find another dad and then Dragon would be offended. Crocodile would also be offended because he objects to WB on principle X'D)
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Some (many) thoughts on Arcane s2 while it's still fresh in my mind:
(tw: discussion of fictional depictions of suicide)
I'm gonna do some nitpicking here, but only because I really did like it overall - I think for me s1 was a solid 10/10 and this season was an 8.5/10, so I'm certainly looking forward to rewatching it! The animation was a big step up from s1's incredible work, the music was great, the performances were fantastic. I do think the overall writing/story fell down a bit, though.
It's weird, because my go-to when character arcs feel rushed is to want more episodes, but I don't think that necessarily would have solved my issues with this season.
Cait turned on Ambessa on a dime - we love to see it, but I think we maybe needed a few more overt hints of her discomfort with her position, maybe a sense of wrongness in their adoptive relationship and some parallels with Jinx & Silco given what Vi says early on ("why are you the one acting like her?"). Ambessa believes her daughter to be lost, and Cait has lost a mother - they were certainly playing on that substitution, but the eventual turn, while fun, felt a bit quick and unearned. I saw someone joke about the word "Cupcake" flipping Cait back like a sleeper agent, but that's kinda how abrupt things felt.
I think Mel's plot largely hung together okay, although it was pretty disconnected from everyone except Ambessa - would've loved to have seen some acknowledgement that Cait was filling her shoes as Daughter for a while there.
Isha was sweet and I liked the parallels with the Powder-Vi relationship (LOVED Jinx running with the pink chalk and Isha with the blue), but I think the sacrifice metaphor got a little muddled. The parallels with Powder charging in and killing everyone around her, versus Isha charging in and saving everyone but herself felt a little forced and I struggled to see how they served the greater narrative. The whole point of Powder's failure was a messy combination of bad luck, overcompensating for what she perceived as a lack of confidence in her, etc. Isha had Jinx's confidence on her side, I guess, and now of course we have the foreshadowing of Jinx dying to save someone else, which she's been trying to do since Act II.
Suicide was a pretty heavy concept throughout the first season. We had the parallels of Jayce and Viktor, we had the little-remarked-upon moment where Viktor hesitates before cutting the wire on Jinx's bomb. I actually think this season did pretty well with those two (although I'll talk about a couple things that irked me below), but the concept that we can't escape the things that we've done and we instead have to find salvation in those around us felt kind of contrary to Jinx's finally finding a way to die for her sister. I don't know that Jinx's story was necessarily supposed to feel satisfying or complete, but without another season there's not much to dig through there.
And that brings up the main reason I don't think more episodes would have resolved my quibbles with this season: it was pretty prone to overexplaining. To me, one of the most exceptional things about that first season was how little it explained. You had these gorgeous, evocative flashes of Vander trying to kill Silco, Silco stabbing him and fleeing into the night, and that's all we needed! That's it! We didn't need to know the specifics, we didn't need more backstory than that - the whole point of the season was that these kids are trying to make their own stories, and these guys have set the stage and are in the process of bowing out. Much as I loved the glimpses this season into the past generation's adventures, it felt like it was pinning something down that was more effectively left to the imagination.
There were also some weird fumbles with discussions of disability, especially in that last episode. I loved so much of what season one did with it - the older generation of Zaunites almost all had some form of disability due to the way they'd been systematically poisoned and their constant exposure to danger, and that was a really in-your-face way to challenge the early "why can't we all get along" stuff. And so much of Viktor's and Jayce's arcs are tied in with the sense of time running out and how Heimerdinger's long-term goals are incompatible with helping the people suffering right now. But instead we get this weird "you didn't like your imperfections so you tried to eliminate all imperfections", which doesn't quite ring true.
We just fundamentally didn't get to a resolution that I think was heavily implied, especially in Act II. "No one in power is innocent" is a great, raw line, but we didn't really see it play out. Instead, we have everyone stopping from othering each other in order to band together against an even bigger Other. As a side note, I don't think that Sevika's ending is meant to be a positive thing - we see from the skeptical looks of others that she's got a long road ahead. The revolution we saw coming just sort of fizzled out, and I think it's still on the horizon, which makes things feel incomplete.
There were also a lot of notes that repeated instead of echoing or harmonizing. We had variations on the theme of Vander dying three different times. We had Vi being unable to kill her sister several times. The repetition felt a bit like it was filling time instead of moving things forward the way s1's plot kept pushing.
This season is also the first time I felt the hand of League of Legends Canon shoving the plot into place. We knew Vi was heading for that enforcer uniform, but after the initial conflict it sometimes felt more like we just unlocked a new skin for the character. The Vander-as-Warwick stuff was kind of silly and out of left field, although it was executed pretty well and certainly pulled at the ol' heartstrings. Ekko getting his time abilities was fun and impacted the final fight, but I feel like we were missing something there as well that I'm having a harder time putting my finger on. Some of Viktor's lines felt designed to make the League players in the audience go "HE SAID THE THING". And I hate the feeling of setting up the Next Installment in the Cinematic Universe, probably just because I'm exhausted with Marvel stuff - I'd love for an adaptation like this to be able to really and truly stand on its own.
Overall, it just felt less like the characters were driving the story and more like they were ticking off boxes, which is just something that any good finale has to contend with one way or another.
Anyway, that's a lot of nitpicking. Fundamentally, this felt almost like it was a really strong fic that did a surprisingly good job of wrapping everything up and was stunningly put together in places... but still lacked the spark of the original.
Stuff I loved: Vi/Cait getting a pretty strong arc and certainly the first lesbian sex scene I've ever seen in a TV-14 cartoon. Animation and score was stunning. I did love the what-if of episode 7 - something I've been waiting for them to acknowledge is that literally everything that happens in the show follows from that one break-in during episode one. I actually think Vi and Jinx's reunion and reconciliation felt earned.
I'm curious how I'll feel on subsequent rewatches - the first time I watched s1, I remember being blown away but not in a "this is the best thing ever" way, and it wasn't until the second time that it really clicked for me.
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The Wizard Liz Astrology observation.
I came across a video of her's and I thought... she's so Capricorn. And guess what she is. So here's a deep dive
Sun and Venus in Capricorn - The Wizard Liz is very ambitious and is materialistic. She's a hard worker, I remember watching a video of hers and her just saying 'when I do a job I do it to the best of my abilities, like when I was a cleaner I made sure the toilets were spotless'. Which is very Capricorn of her to say. Working hard comes naturally to her, as not only does she have a Capricorn sun her sun in at 10 degrees which is a Capricorn sign.
NOT TO MENTION SHE HAS VENUS CONJUNCT NEPTUNE VERY VERY PRETTY GIRL. She actually comes off as a fantasy, like I can't stop going on about how pretty she is, not to mention is that she's spiritual and creative. OH YEAH SHE'S A YOUTUBER AND NEPTUNE RULES OVER CAMERA.
Moon in cancer - looking back this makes so much sense. The Wizard Liz has a very strong relationship to her mother, and in her videos there's a bit of polarisation (sun and moon are at opposition). Being that she looks and says words that indicate that she doesn't give AF, however in actuality she's very sensitive. I don't think being sensitive is a bad thing and in fact I applaud her idgaf attitude as her moon being in the 1st degree, can indicate that she's especially sensitive about herself. I in fact appreciate her even more being that she's working on it, she's building up her self esteem.
Not to mention that the moon represents the mother and the sun the father. With the opposition happening with the planets this can indicate that her parents had a bad relationship/are now separated.
Mars in libra - This actually makes another of sense being that yes she's aggressive, but is aggressively emphatic. Yes she's telling you that it's pathetic that you're hung over your ex, but she does it out kindness and empathy. She's not yelling at the viewer for sadistc purposes but rather to help. She can see both sides of the situation. Also her mars is sextile mercury (lololol funny) and is at 18 degrees which is the very rigid virgo degree, I think this is what makes her less wishy washy than the typical libra placement.
Jupiter in pisces - she's abundant in kindness. If you watch her videos, she comes from a place of kindness and love. She genuinely wants to help others and help them improve. Not to mention that her Jupiter is at 22* which is the kill or be killed degree/ a Capricorn degree. So it makes sense with how she utilises this kindness... which is that she makes money of helping others. Which is very pisces.
Saturn in aries - she's very aggressive when it comes to discipline and is very particular with how things should be and how it should be done. However looking back she does have a little bit of. a childish attitude to her which is typical for Aries placements. Also when looking at her chart her Saturn squares mercury, which could explain how her scolding comes off a bit childish. I'm not saying this from a stand point of you know talking shit but objectively, the Wizard Liz can't actually force you to clean your room, however Is scolding you from the screen. If u get what I'm saying u get what I'm saying.
Pluto and mercury in Sagittarius - She's very fiery in speech and funny enough she went to a different country to use her voice to educate others. That makes also of sense being that sagittarius is the sign that's known for traveling and leaving home. Not to mention her pluto is at 9 degrees and her mercury is at 21 degrees which are sagittarius degrees.
With her Uranus and Neptune being in Aquarius. I can see how this has affected her online persona, she's remarkably beautiful like really really really beautiful(Neptune), and I think that's why she's so remarkable. and I think majority of her success can be contributed to her looks. With Neptune being at 1 degree, it could manifest as her beauty being so striking, being that it's in an aries degree and I believe Neptune being in Aquarius can manifest as her having captivated the internet in a way. Also funny enough her Uranus is again at 10 degrees which is a Capricorn degree, and the chaos she stirs up is very Capricorn. Being that people have cristised her for being selfish and materialistic (lowkey Capricorn traits - btw I'm a cap moon and rising so I'm kinda insulting myself sooo yeah).
Her Chiron and Lilith are both in scorpio which can manifest as her, experiencing immense manipulation and having experienced a very toxic environment. Her father had an affair which is one of the attributes of having a Lilith in scorpio. However I find that her having Chiron at 29 degrees, makes her extremely wises 29 degrees is the pisces degree and the last degree it has carried all the past lessons and has become wise. She's very wise when it comes to her own trauma, she's able to learn from it and rise from the ashes. that I find incredible she's a very strong person to be able to do that.
North node in Leo at 22 degrees - this is definitely a fame degree, and she needs to power through to get to her goal.
Hmm I feel that she may be either an Aquarius rising or a Capricorn rising, so she was born with at 9-11 am. Being that being a cap rising can explain her beauty with Venus in the 1st or 12th and she does come off hard working. however her being Aquarius also makes alot of sense, she was seen as aloof growing up and didn't have a lot of friends, not to mention that she has striking features very Uranus in the 1st house and Neptune in the 1st makes sense swell. She definitely has Venus in the 12th because she's so private with her love life. Yeah and she definitely has felt more comfortable later in life compared to her when she was a teenager, although she was still very very pretty.
Lololol this came of as a bit of a Wizard Liz Glaze, however I just found this quite interesting . Hopefully this doesn't come across as me being a stalker though it kinda lowkey is
#the wizard Liz#wizards#celebrityastrologyreading#astro notes#astro observations#astrology#astrology community#Neptune conjunct Venus#mars in libra#Jupiter in Pisces#22nd degree#Capricorn sun#Capricorn Venus#cancer moon
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In your opinion, what makes Andrew's interest in Ashley romantic rather than just sexual? Love your analyses and wanted your expert opinion, bc personally I'm kinda on the fence about it
I am very flattered that you like my analysts and consider me an expert! It is a great honor to be told that.
The first evidence Andrew is romantically in love with Ashley is this dialogue back in Episode 1. This was actually one of the big reasons why I did not check out Episode 2 for a long while because of how fucking weird Andrew is. I already knew he was weird and actually down bad for Ashley, but that moment really shows how deeply fucked up this guy is. What do you mean you think it's too romantic to commit suicide by jumping off the balcony with your sister? Even Ashley thinks he's weird there.
And then he explains that he thinks it's romantic because that'd mean their bodies would be be entangled together and have to be buried in the same coffin. Despite this, he likes that Ashley wants to join him, which wow, okay dude.
We now fast forward to chapter 2, where we get a lot more of incestuous hints from Andrew.
The first obvious one that you will always see is Andrew checking on Ashley because she's obviously in a bad mood having their burglary thwarted and having to talk with, cook for, and eat with their mother who abandoned them, likely sold them out, and wanted them dead. Ashley doesn't want to talk about it because this confirms her desire to sacrifice them and was hoping she didn't have to say it to Andrew, so she is also frustrated he's not picking that up either and being snappy. Andrew then thinks, "I want to hug her until she smiles", which okay, that's innocuous enough, but is then followed by, "I'm not going to do it, it's another thought that I wish I never had." What kind of thoughts do you have that makes you not want to hug your sister and comfort her Andrew? Isn't it a good thing you want to make her happy especially in this really shit day? And why are you blushing at that thought???
After that, you can have Andrew go talk with their mother and have this gem:
While it's easy to think Andrew thinking, "I don't want to grow fonder of Ashley because she's a bitch" if you see this the first time, notice that he starts blushing there. He very much does not want his romantic desires for Ashley intensified, nor does he ever want to be separated from her as we find out later on at the fireplace if you are on Burial route.
And before that, Andrew eats Ashley's mom-and-dad soup despite his obvious reluctance to and his outright refusal in Decay. He is only doing this to make Ashley happy, when the day before, he was holding back from just hugging her to cheer her up because of the fear that intimacy with Ashley will expose his feelings, which is why Ashley is surprised. That is, quite weirdly, a romantic gesture of Andrew.
And finally, no matter how you get Burial Sane, Andrew is still on better terms with her than before their parents died. Sure he's grumpy and aloof, but he still is happy to be with her and he doesn't start blaming her for their situation. This unnerves Ashley because she now realizes that he doesn't "need" her, but he's still hanging around for who knows how long and she can't guarantee he will stay.
It's easy to think that Andrew's feelings for Ashley is just sexual when the main focus has been Burial Questionable and the confirmation that they can have sex in Decay. Sane often gets neglected for being boring, "pointless", and Ashley being "out of character" for not teasing Andrew about the incest vision, but it is still a major route of the game and is worth analyzing. People often miss the main point of the game is that Andrew's and Ashley's (mostly) platonic relationship is already under a lot of strain due to their mutual distrust that the other will betray and/or leave them, Ashley being too stuck in the past in the most obvious form of being attached to Andy, and Andrew being cold to Ashley because he can't be honest with his affection for her. They have to rebuild their relationship as family and friends first before they can have a relatively healthy romantic relationship. Even after that obstacle, the fear of being rejected for their incestuous feelings is very real and valid when they're also family, and if the other leaves them for that or stops being on good terms with them, they are completely alone and/or heartbroken because they have no one left to love them and for them to love back.
This is why Andrew represses his romantic desire for Ashley, and Ashley can choose to stay platonic with him or tell Andrew that they will not have sex. They are both aware this really is not normal, they are most likely going to be rejected because it's abnormal, and they are afraid of what will happen after rejection. They value each other so much that they will be happy to give up their own desires if it means that they can still have each other around. That is also quite romantic, and needless to say, a very common experience for people who have trouble with confessing or never confessed their feelings to the people they love.
If Andrew merely had sexual feelings for Ashley, he can just keep dating and having sex with other women that look like her and move on. Even though Ashley doesn't like it and resents him for that, at least they still have a relationship, which is better than none at all for Andrew. It is much more difficult for Andrew when he is romantically in love with her, and he actively has to hide it away from her in hopes she won't reject him. He tried to make the best of dating Julia to try to get rid of his romantic and sexual feelings for Ashley, but even that is not enough. As seen in the Voicemails video, he needs to imagine Julia's Ashley to say romantic declarations of love to her, but that makes him sad.
On a more meta level, and one a lot of fans forget, is that TCOAAL is a psychological horror game. It is so much more revolting and well, horrifying that Andrew has romantic feelings for Ashley. My revulsion at Andrew was so strong that I stayed away from the game for months, planning to wait until Episode 3 because I want Julia to show up so I can root for her because neither sibling was sympathetic enough for me. If it was just Andrew being very sexually touchy with Ashley, I and many others would have thought he is sexually abusive or he only sees Ashley as a sex doll, and thus find it easier to root for Ashley and hope she leaves him or retaliates against him. But it is way more fascinating and accurate to a codependency that there is no clear abuser-and-victim or good guy and bad guy dynamic, that the siblings are mutually horrible to each other, but also mutually in love and lust for each other. Nemlei makes their romance an integral part of the game's horror, which is a masterful display of her skill as a creator to blend two seemingly opposite feelings into one work of art.
#the coffin of andy and leyley#tcoaal#ashley graves#andrew graves#coffincest#gravecest#tcoaal analysis#tcoaal meta#rambler answers#tw suicide
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I am a conflicted man because I both loved Season 2 of Arcane and was let down by it, and it really is all down to the fact that they were limited to just one more season, a real blunder in my opinion.
If they had another season they could have concentrated more on Caitlyn's sins AND then next season have her suffer because of them and work toward atonement (also maybe let Vi and her have sex in a comfy bed rather than a prison cell).
They could have had Jinx come around on becoming a revolutionary figure once she realizes it will give Isha a better life, as well as her bonds with Sevika. Imagine Sevika at Jinx's side like she was with Silco, except Jinx's desire for Zaun is almost more genuine and in line with Sevika's own dream of it.
And Mel! Such revelations we got with her in too short an amount of time! We could have had her doing more of her investigations if we had an extra season, have her deduce and discover her mother's intentions using her own cunning rather than having the Black Rose just tell her. It could give not just Mel but the audience unfamiliar with LoL lore more insight into what the Black Rose really is and why her mother is so motivated.
We could have spent more time with Ekko and the Firelights before him, Jayce, and Heimerdinger get zapped off to other times and worlds, see how they respond to Caitlyn's authoritarian rule.
And finally we could see more of rock-bottom Vi. Explore her relationship with Loris more, given that his similar appearance to Vander really has an effect on her. Watch them lean on each other at first but lose it as Vi sticks her head deeper and deeper into her sorrow, unable to get out till Jinx comes to get her to save their father (after maybe having had a revelation of her own that Vi still loves her and is owed another chance with their father).
And even more finally (I'm bad at ordering things) give a better depiction of the Piltover/Zaun conflict. Like I appreciate it that most of Zaun didn't come to fight when Jayce asked and only showed up when Jinx and Ekko, true Zaunites, asked it of them. But there needed to be more. I'm not saying it should have been a perfect ending where Zaun gets full equal standing to Piltover or its independence and we all hold hands and sing. But we needed specifically Caitlyn to make amends, if she is going to be with Vi (even if the other nobles don't) and show that Zaun isn't ready to give up the fight yet. Show that Ekko is leading the Firelights and Jinxers to better defend and build up their community.
That's my main pitch for what could have been. I'm happy we still got something but there will always be room for improvement.
#arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane s2#arcane season 2#vi#jinx#caitlyn kiramman#ekko#piltover#zaun#also a duology feels weird#they are already doing three act structures in each season#surely a third season is just as fitting
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Sooo excited I get to spend all of today painting.
#i havent art in a while so this is great#its for school and my painting is going to be part of a mural it's very exciting#im doing a potrait of ada lovelace with a purple and yellow color scheme 💜💛 akechi colors#fun fact Ada lovelace was callled the enchantress of numbers and i think thats a sick as title to have#also fun fact Ada lovelace had a gambling problem and tried to make a mathematical equation to help her be a better gambler#using her enchanting of numbers for money. i can respect that#also#she had this wierd obsession with her dad lord byron#idk why he left the country when she was just a baby and she never even interacted with him but she named her children after him and also#asked to be buried beside him when she passed away#she also had a really bad relationship with her mother so#hmmm#anyways yay!! painting!!! and i get to miss all my classes too so yippieeeee
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Aegon, Aemond, Helaena, and Daeron looking at Alicent after she washes her hands of a war, that she (and Otto) dragged them into, and the throne, that she (and Otto) forced them to grasp/fight over even though they obviously didn't want it, and goes off to live her best life while they are all still stuck in a cycle forced on to them without their input (obviously this is about the s2 final):
#anti hotd#like....what were they doing with alicent in s2? like-#in s1 they had great foundation for pushing her character and her belief as to why her children would be under threat from just existing#(even if u like rhae- understandable- it's not hard to take a step back & understand some of ali's pov#especially when daemon comes into the picture)#there's buildup for why she's forcing this on to her kids (murky but still) & still shows that she loves them in a complex way#heck there was even room to show her after all this also wanting to be close to the throne trailing into s2 whatever#but then s2 shits on that by making everything that happened in s1 hold no weight & ali (& otto) basically ruin their kids lives#like i like alicent but s2 makes no sense characterwise & makes her just...a bad character overall#like ive always felt bad for her kids bc ali was wrong a lot of times but u understand it bc toxic/complex family relationships where the#love is still there but it's complicated#but now post s2? i feel sorry bc their mother pushed them down a path and then left them to live her life?#HUH!?#fanfic writers save me!#aegon ii targaryen#aemond targaryen#heleana targaryen#daeron targaryen#alicent hightower#kind of...anti alicent hightower too?#hotd showrunners really ruined this family & it frustrates me so bad#dni if you can't have a collected conversation about this#like “sorry sweeties mommy wants to makes amends with her childhood crush so rip!”#(& this is from someone who ships rhaenicent)
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There's so much fucked about the My.stra's daughters situation, but what happened with Elue breaks my heart the most. Because Mys.tra didn't have to possess someone in order to have children. Evidence points to the contrary. But, what's important to remember is that Mys.tra didn't get hit by baby fever. No, she was specifically breeding potential Chosen she hoped would fit her needs and loyalty requirements. Possessing Elue's body to birth them ensured they would be completely mortal, albeit with a few advantages. There's no indication they have a shred of divinity beyond what Mys.tra imparted when they became her Chosen. There's no risk of losing control / them trying to usurp her — or at least there's significantly less risk. And, Elue paid the price in blood.
#OOC / HOLLY.#god I cannot find the quote now#but it was noted I think in The Seven Sisters sourcebook that Mys.tra *liked* when they had bad relationships with their foster parents#she wanted there to be turmoil and distance#supposedly so said foster parents wouldn't be able to manipulate the girls for their power#but it's clear most of them had unhappy upbringings not helped by the trauma of their mother's death + father abandoning them#El is probably the only foster parent Mys.tra trusted not to use them but El still had specific prohibitions#and they were left to raise 3 girls in a dilapidated tower on their own with really no resources except their wits#they also got probably the most troubled of the girls + they were still being sent on missions as a Chosen#I mean it worked out El has a great relationship with all 3 + the other 4 when they finally met much later#but like. damn. Mys.tra talks a good game of loving her faithful but treats them so often as pawns#I understand why she does this but that doesn't make it right#Mys.tra critical
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my mother is visiting me on friday lessgooo 💪 im gonna ask her if she'll pay for a tattoo <3 , ive been wanting a botanical for a while and idk what plant to do and i realized my deadname is literally the name of a flower 😭 and im at the point in my transition where i think memorializing my deadname on my body forever is ok. bc like,, that was a part of me and a part of my past, i went by that name for 11 years. also my mother's middle name is Fern so i thought like,, a design of the flower i wont name and a fern would be really cute and i might be able to convince her to pay for it
#i used to have a really bad relationship with my mom but since i moved out its been way better and i actually love her a lot#its weird bc i also hold a lot of resentment for the mother i never had. but i dont need her to be a mom anymore so#im not relying on her to meet my emotional needs anymore#and shes grown a LOT as a person like actually it makes me proud to think about it
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does anyone know when life is supposed to calm down. does anyone know when it all ends
#im so exhausted.#ive got a fucking annoying headache and i had a nightmare earlier and im just having a bad day#and now im literally dealing with bpd^2 rn like.#my ex is having a really hard time because her moms health is declining and shes being put in a really hard position#and shes horribly stressed out but she feels guilty about feeling like her life is falling apart bc her mom obviously has it worse#and i know what thats like and i know its just going to be hell for her now and i cant fix that#and i just like. god if i could take all of her pain i would#she doesnt deserve the horrible fucking set of cards she was dealt#my nightmare was actually originally that i went to the hospital with her to see her mother#it did not end remotely related to that but it just. yeah not great#also struggling bc i dont know how to handle people i like (separately than her) being in relationships or liking other people#it is so. so fucking. i dont even know its like physically painful and when i see them talk about it it like ruins my whole day and#its so hard to handle these mood swings and like. Have A Life#its why i got off tumblr like i just cant. i cant have all these feelings and still be okay most of the time#it feels like im trying to stay afloat but every day the ball and chain on my ankle gets exponentially heavier#idk. i just like. cant regulate my emotions. whatsoever. clearly#jace.txt
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been validated in my (poor?) decisions TWICE today and i’m feeling vindicated if also mildly conflicted
#not feeling like such a bad person for it after today#unrelated but it was also my grandpa’s service today and two of my dad’s long term family friends were there#and i’ve known them and their two daughters since i was a baby#and it was really nice to have them there#especially Aundra#she had my dad scootch over so she could sit next to me and we talked about how their bookstores are doing#and what her girls are up to#(one is finishing up her psych degree the other has just finished her apprenticeship as a tattoo artist)#and we talked about me going back to school and what i find fascinating about the sciences#and then back at the reception we talked books and animal intelligence#it was nice#also during the service my uncle (the youngest of the four kids) touched on Papa’s problems with anger in his early and mid-life#which gave me a bit more of an understanding of my father#because my dad never really saw his dad’s anger issues as ‘that bad’ or ‘much of a problem’#but the other kids did#and that explains why my dad also never saw his OWN anger issues as ‘that serious’ when they severely impacted the life of my mother and I#anyway family history is complex and trauma lives through generations#my dad had a severely alcoholic mother and a father with (at least during some points in his life) serious anger issues#and now he has a complicated and somewhat reliant relationship with alcohol and anger issues that haunted our family for some years#learning about family history gives a decent amount of insight and I hope it can arm us a little better#anyway#been a big day and I’m sooooooo sleepy#looking forward to seeing a friend on Tuesday to find our classrooms in advance of classes starting up in two weeks#personal
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My mom is a mixed Karen
#she’s kinda the worst#she chose drugs over raising me#can’t really blame her she had chronic pain#at least that’s what I hope#also don’t wanna talk bad about addicts though but our relationship is very flawed#she didn’t really talk to me from age six to twenty five#I blame her for so much#I just want to shed myself from her#my dad tried with me at least but he doesn’t know how to raise a girl idk he tried#personal#mother wound#gutted
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Rant incoming
I feel like the problem with a lot of Disney's live action remakes (and arguably Wish) is they're trying to appeal to a crowd that no longer exists, namely the people who used to claim that the Disney Princesses were sexist.
All the interviews tend to include, "Well she's not chasing a MAN anymore" which...almost no one sees the princesses like that, anymore. Virtually NO ONE still believes the princesses are man-chasing sexist caricatures of women.
Cinderella is now hailed as an abuse victim who stayed strong long enough to get help to get out of her situation. Anyone who says she should have saved herself is basically regarded as a victim blamer. And it's very clear in the film she wasn't looking to marry the prince, she just wanted a night off. She was the only one who wasn't in line to meet him. She didn't find out she met the prince until he went looking for her!
Snow White is now hailed for her negotiation skills, ability to calm down after extreme stress (she had a moment of panic and had to cry for a bit, but who wouldn't after finding out The Queen hired someone to kill you?), and ability to take charge of a house of adult men. And again, she was an abuse victim, this time trying to escape ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS. While she dreamed of her prince, it was secondary to her main goal of SURVIVAL. There are also entire video essays about how Snow White gave hope to people during The Great Depression.
Everyone acknowledges that Ariel wanted to be human BEFORE meeting Eric. We all know she was a nerd hyperfixating on humans, and also standing up to her prejudiced father.
We understand Sleeping Beauty wasn't the main character, the Three Good Fairies were, AND PHILLIP WOULD NEVER HAVE BEATEN MALEFICENT WITHOUT THEM! He literally depended on them! WOMEN SAVED THE DAY! But even then, is it really such a sin for a girl to fantasize about romance and fall for someone with corny pickup lines?
We all understand Jasmine just wanted someone to treat her LIKE A PERSON. She rejected every Prince before Aladdin because they treated her like a prize. So why did they need her to want to be Sultan? How did that make her more feminist when she already wanted to be treated like an equal and have a say in her future? Is it only empowering if you want a career in politics?
We admire that Belle, despite living in a judgemental village, was kind to everyone (even though she found the village life dull), and her story teaches girls that the guy everyone else loves isn't always a good guy. What's sexist about teaching girls about red flags? And she didn't start being nice to The Beast until he started treating her with respect and kindness.
Do I really NEED to defend Mulan or Tiana? I think they speak for themselves.
Rapunzel was yet another abuse victim who just needed a little help to get out of her bad situation. In this case, she also needed to learn that she was an abuse victim, and that what Mother Gothel did WASN'T normal, much like many victims of gaslighting.
And don't get me started on the non-princess animals.
Perdita had a healthy relationship with Pongo to the point she was open to express her pregnancy fears to him, and was ready to TEAR APART Cruella's goons for daring to touch her puppies as well as adopting the other puppies. Like, she was so ferocious the goons mistook her for a hyena! She's basically that "I AM THAT GIRL'S MOTHER!" scene from SpyXFamily if Yor were a dog. She and her husband were a TEAM.....but they made a Cruella live action to turn her into a girlboss?! The literal animal abuser!? THAT'S the woman you wanted to put on a pedestal when Perdita was RIGHT THERE!?
Duchess kept her kittens calm after they had been catnapped and was classy as heck. Nice to everyone regardless of social class during a time period where that was uncommon.
Lady stood up to Tramp when she believed he had abandoned her and didn't really care about her. She found out he was a heartbreaker and was like, "Nuh uh. No. You are not doing that to me! You put me through enough."
Miss Bianca from The Rescuers was IN CHARGE the whole movie, and was willing to risk life and limb to save an innocent child. THAT TINY MOUSE TOOK ON ALLIGATORS! And she picked Bernard to accompany her because he was the only one who wasn't ogling her. And then in the sequel SHE DID IT ALL AGAIN! I wish I were as brave as her.
Like, the public haven't accused these ladies of being sexist caricatures since 2014 (Actresses and actors don't count, they're out of touch like the rest of Hollywood) yet Disney is operating under the assumption that the public still thinks that way, hence all the "sHe'S nOt AfTeR a MaN iN ThIs VeRsIOn" talk.
The live action remakes are trying to attract an audience that doesn't really exist much, anymore, and back when it did exist, was comprised mainly of people who didn't actually watch the films. The Disney princesses are no longer seen as sexist, and feminine qualities are no longer seen as weak or undesirable.
#the rescuers#disney#101 dalmatians#perdita#miss bianca#rapunzel#tangled#princess and the frog#tiana#the three good fairies#flora#merriweather#fauna#snow white#sleeping beauty#Cinderella#ariel#the little mermaid#beauty and the beast#belle#aristocats#duchess#lady and the tramp#jasmine#aladdin#long#wish
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[ID: two screencaps of tags from dark mode
First Image: tags from ×-caliber reading “#guys it's called UNRELIABLE NARRATING all caps: unreliable narrating] # shes NOT [all caps: not] evil #jonny just views her in a certain light" Second Image: tags from ceaseless-ramblerand x-caliber.
Tags from ceaseless-rambler read "#this is such a hard fucking poll because do you love her or hate her' the answer is YES [all caps: yes] #she's great but the fucking morality switch destroys me every time i think about it because. morality switch. what the fuck. #but also. gestures wildly in her direction. you understand? #doctor carmilla #the mechanisms."
Tags from x-caliber read '#prev has a great elaboration actually #bevause i answered thinking only about the unreliable narration that made people think she's evil #but i didn't actually think as far about her ACTIONS [all caps: actions] #now i do think that she had good intentions with the morality switch #that doesn't make it any less fucked up however"
End ID]
Okay in regards to this poll I'm going to do some Doc Carmilla analysis because I don't like having back and forth conversations in tags. This is long, I couldn't really find a way to cut it down
The biggest thing that fucks me up about her is Brian's morality switch. The concept of a morality switch at all is horrifying to me, taking that control away from someone. Brian's about page on the mechanisms website says the reasoning was because Doctor Carmilla found it "amusing" which. Makes me hate it even more. @x-ca1iber pointed out the fact that Jonny is an unreliable narrator, which is a good point. However, I doubt Jonny wrote everyone's bio and I don't think either morality mode would really let Brian lie about it, lying is wrong and I can't come up with ends that would justify it. Brian could be wrong about reasoning, of course, but I'm not sure why he would be. Because a lot of that second half is speculation, *please* let me know if there's anything to agree or disagree with any of it.
The two other things that make me not willing to chalk all of anti-Doctor Carmilla sentiment up to unreliable narration and character misinterpretation are the end of this video and near the end of Lashings. The first video shows Jonny cut the music and, sounding somewhat frantic, ask Carmilla what she's going to do about being thrown out the airlock. When she doesn't respond, he backs away and accuses her of planning something. This is something that isn't attributable to unreliable narration because the premise there isn't that it's a retelling but an actual event occurring. Also, the way Jonny is on edge, expecting her to do something but not knowing what/when and having to just kind of act like it's fine really makes me read it as a bad relationship for him. The end of the Lashings performance shows Nastya stressed about various other things and Doctor Carmilla coming up behind her and hugging her. Nastya visibly tenses and remains as such for the entire interaction. I've seen people argue that this was due to the aforementioned various other things, and it could very much be that! This is definitely my least compelling piece of evidence. But it's worth noting that Doctor Carmilla doesn't back off from the hug and remains sort of in Nastya's face until Nastya steps away. The situation is either Nastya being generally uncomfortable with physical contact at that moment (or in general) and Carmilla not caring, or Nastya being distrustful of her in general. Either way doesn't reflect well on their relationship.
None of this is to say that I think she's trying to cause them harm. She does see them as her kids, in her own way. The only other close relationship she had that I'm aware of is Lorelai (please let me know if you have any more information on this! I'm always open to corrections) and that wasn't exactly healthy. She could very well not know any other way to treat them, and I really do think she meant well. The problem with meaning well is that is doesn't change the ramifications of your actions. The best of intentions don't change the fact that you hurt people. This is, in my opinion, especially prominent in parental figures, which she is.
That is all about her as a person, though. As a character? She's fantastic. Trans lesbian vampire scientist with dubious ethics? Great!!! And all of the things I just talked about that make me dislike her as a person make me love her as a character. That disparity is what makes it really hard to answer the poll I linked at the beginning, because holy fuck morality switch but I love her as a character
Tags that inspired this under the cut
#carmilla is an interesting character#she is not ‘good’ morally. carmilla for sure did things wrong#it REALLY bothers me when i see people claiming that fans who dont like carmilla dont like her because the mechs are lying about her and-#that she actually was a wonderful maternal figure.#she took autonomy away from brian. whether the intentions were good or not thats still hugely fucked up#i dont think its possible for any one to give informed consent to immortality. afaik she got consent from some of them. but the whole-#premise is kinda fucked to begin with.#plus the aspect of then creating an everlasting mother-child relationship where the child is not really able to grow.#she can have had times she was a good mother while still having times where she was a bad mother and overall removing a someones autonomy-#is bad. i dont have good words to describe how i think forcing someone to be your child for millenia is bad.#also like. brian cant evaluate morals correctly which means he cannot intentionally making good decisions effectively. so she has barred-#him from ever being able to be a ‘good’ person and that sucks.#the thing is like. im biased for certain about this. because i have my own life experiences that influence how i view things. but everyone-#is biased. the people who insist we hate her because we are uninformed about her and the mechs and lying are biased themselves.#im aware that if i didnt have a trauma-caused ‘bad person’ disorder then i may not feel so strongly about this.#i *like* carmilla. i think shes really interesting. but people REALLY need to learn that theh are allowed to like ‘bad’ and ‘grey’-#characters. i would think you could unddrstand that with the mechs but maybe its the tangibility of how it affected the mechs themselves?#they are all grey. they all do bad things. carmilla bothers me because of her specific actions.#i also really loathe brushing off jonnys distaste for her as lying. feels bad.#part of the reason its different for carmilla than how the mechs treat each other is because she has power over them. she made them-#immortal *and* proceeded to position herself as their mother. sorry but if you wanna be the mom im gonna judge you like i would a mom#i like her as a character. i hate her as a person.#the mechanisms#doctor carmilla#blogbot q#spumblr#i know achilles and i have already talked about this and iirc iv talked about it here too. i just really think her actions are fucked and i-#think completely brushing aside those who dont like her because of their experiences is really upsetting to see.#my opinion of carmilla has nothing to do with my opinion of maki. as well. maki is a real person. carmilla is a fictional character.#but then again maybe im taking what other say too seriously.
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