#because my dad never really saw his dad’s anger issues as ‘that bad’ or ‘much of a problem’

[captain-mj]

Trials of Change

Ghost overhears Soap and a couple of recruits complaining about him and decides maybe he does need to be fixed.

Ghost had never been happier honestly. Really. He and Soap had been dating for… two months, four days and, he checked the time, six glorious hours. 

Maybe that happiness made him blind. Foolish or even just stuipd. 

Ghost slipped into the room where the other people were. It wasn’t on purpose that he was undetectable. His natural state of being was… well… Ghost. 

So he heard the conversation.

Price hummed. “How’s it going with him?”

Soap smiled. “Oh, he’s great.”

“Is he planning on wearing the mask less?” 

Ghost internally winced. He understood Price was just asking out of concern. Price was one of the first people to understand that Ghost and Simon were both different people and the exact same. 

Soap shrugged. “Don’t know. I wish he would.” 

Ghost knew that was true so he didn’t mind it, but he decided to wait a second and not announce his presence. He just sat back to listen. 

“Thank God.” One of the rookies piped up. Ghost tensed and glared at them, though they couldn’t feel it unfortunately. “Tired of him walking around all scary. We were all hoping he’d get better when you guys started dating.” 

Ghost didn’t understand.

Better? What did they mean better? He was happier. Wasn’t that enough?

Soap looked rueful. “Yeah. I’d like that too. He spooks me sometimes.” 

Ghost felt his heart just drop. He was sure if he strained he could hear the sound of it snapping. Ice shards being sent off everywhere. After a moment, he decided to stay where he was. Safe and sound. 

As everyone seemed to list off his transgressions. 

Did they know he was there and deciding to mess with him? It was right up Soap’s alley, but the rookies usually feared him enough to stay quiet. He doubted they would pick up on what was going on fast enough. 

“Please make him wear something with color.”

Soap shrugged. “His closet is nothing but black.”

“Tell him to put something besides his music on.”

Soap rebutted that one too. “He hates my music and you guys don’t get a vote.” 

Then the complaints came a bit faster. 

“Make him actually talk to people.” 

“And stop hiding in his room. It’s a bit creepy at this point.”

“Also why can’t he ever make friends on base?”

“Anger issues. He’s constantly getting pissed for no reason.”

“Please make him take off the mask.” 

“And stop staring.” 

“And also please stop letting him out at night.”

“Why are you breaking curfew to see him out at night?” Soap remarked, crossing his arms. The recruits cringed and quickly found something interesting in the room to stare at. That’s when Ghost made his escape. 

He wasn’t an idiot. He knew people wanted him to change. Always something off putting. It had been like that since he started wearing long sleeves at all time to hide bruises and sleeping through class because his dad kept him awake all night. 

But this was new. Did Soap want him to change?

Of course he did. 

“Better” 

What did better mean?

Soap had been asking him questions lately. Simple things. How was your day? How are you feeling? What do you feel like doing? And Ghost would answer honestly. The bad days had definitely decreased. Ghost enjoyed being around the 141 more. He thought he had been talking more. Just to the 141, Alex, Farah, Alejandro and Rodolfo, but really who else did he need? They all saw him as he was and he thought that was enough. 

Apparently not. 

Apparently that was not better.

Well, he had a list of things that he could be better at now. Ghost felt stupid. A silly teen trying to keep their boyfriend around. 

For a moment, he thought of forgetting this conversation happened. Of taking what Soap would give him and waiting to be abandoned when Soap realized that Ghost was incapable of being what he wanted. But already, he knew this would poison everything. Anytime Soap put his scarf around Ghost because he ran so much colder than his angry Scott or when he asked him to take his mask off when they were alone or every time he introduced him to someone new, he’d wonder if it was somehow a way to change him. 

Could he just break up with him? It was the smartest and easiest thing. Shove Soap out of his life and stay exactly where he is. But that meant not having Soap. No more late night tea trips with someone by his side. He’d no longer be there to put hickeys on his neck that he’d grumble about and then secretly like. All the jokes and stolen clothes and the touch. He had forgotten how nice it was to have someone touch him. To put his head on someone’s chest (he hated weight on him because it reminded him of the dirt from the coffin) and hear their heartbeat. Nice and steady and sweet. 

Fuck, Ghost couldn’t give that up. He’d also never be able to drink enough of it in to get his fill. So he’d have to be… better. 

Maybe he could start small. It was silly, but color was probably the easiest. Wear something besides black. 

He didn’t own anything not black. 

Fucking hell. 

Ghost took a deep breath. Maybe he could start with… music? When did they even play music? During exfil occasionally if Nik was driving? But he didn’t have a mission with Soap for the next few weeks so he could see it regardless. 

Anger issues? Yeah, Ghost had them but he didn’t think he ever blew up for no reason. Maybe his reactions were occasionally over the top, but he never hit anyone. Never hit objects near them to show he could either. His last meltdown was months ago and he had, with shockingly no protest but still with a very hurt pride, apologized to the person.

Goddamnit, he just needed a starting place. That’s all. So color it fucking was. 

Ghost went to Gaz, hesitant and nervous, but he was the only person he could really ask about this without it being suspicious since he wasn’t there. 

“Hey, Garrick.”

Gaz looked up from what he was reading. “Riley!” He liked that about Gaz. When he had first referred to him as Kyle, Gaz had called him Simon. If he used his rank, Gaz responded with his rank. Ghost had learned to stick to last name or callsign with him. They felt more like equals than most of the other people on base. 

“Can you help me with something?”

Gaz sat up. “A mission?”

“Where can I get… clothing?”

Gaz paused. “You… The Ghost… want me to help you with shopping?”

Ghost nodded awkwardly. “Yeah… Can we go… shopping?”

Gaz slowly stood up. “Why?”

“I’m going to try changing my style.”

“Why?” 

“Just… want to try something… different?”

Gaz frowned and Simon remembered why he didn’t usually go to Gaz for assistance. They could see straight through him. Every time. “You want to try something… different? Why? You’ve never changed in the years I’ve known you.”

Ghost just shrugged awkwardly. 

“Alright. Let’s go.” Gaz stood up and pulled his shoes on. “What are you searching for?”

“Something with… color?” 

Gaz frowned but obliged. He couldn’t bring Ghost to a mall, worried the people would get him worked up. So instead, he brought him to a strip of stores and picked the most abandoned one. Gaz didn’t really do much, having a feeling he was more playing moral support for whatever breakdown this was. It wasn’t… completely uncommon for Ghost to get the urge to do things. Almost like a mania. However it was never something as simple as this. 

He gave Ghost’s a thumbs up when the man grabbed a blue hoodie. Dark blue, so still in theme. Then he grabbed a camo green and ruby red. Nothing but hoodies. 

“You going to stick with your normal dark color scheme?” It was a genuine question from Gaz, who was worried about him. Also, depending the answer, it would be easier to help him find things. 

Ghost wondered if this was… different enough. “Can you pick something that… isn’t?”

Gaz tilted his head and looked around. He found a polo shirt in a softer green color. “Do you want to try it on before buying it? Make sure you’re comfortable.”

Ghost bounced between his feet, debating. “Yeah.” He found a dressing room and slowly slipped off his black hoodie. The mirror was there. His arm tattoos covered the scars there, but he still felt nervous. 

Now his shirt. 

Just… take off the shirt. 

Take it off. 

Ghost pulled it over his head in a rush but he still caught himself in the stupid mirror. 

Ugly scarring. 

Did Soap not like those? Ghost had tried things to make them fade. Balms and creams and keeping them clean. They were still there. Dark, thick lines. Giant pieces of flesh that were marred for one reason or another. 

What if Soap hated those too? Ghost certainly did. It’s why he stayed covered up. 

He pulled the new shirt on and didn’t look at himself. The fabric was… fine. Not the best, but fine. The color looked weird against his pale skin. 

This was stupid. Again, the feeling of being a teen girl appeared. Was this childish? Of course it was. 

He bought the clothing anyway, even though it made his skin crawl. 

Gaz smiled at him once they were back in the car. “I’m proud of you.”

Ghost nodded. “Thanks, Gaz.”

“No problem, Ghost.”

Ghost grabbed food and hid in his room to eat. He perched on his desk. 

Soap arrived moments later and smiled, sitting on Ghost’s desk chair so they were right next to each other. “Hey, haven’t seen you today.”

“Went out.”

“You went out? By yourself?” Soap sounded so shocked. 

Ghost shrugged. “I had Gaz with me.”

“That’s nice! I’m glad you’re doing that.” Soap smiled at him. “Have fun?”

Ghost thought about it. Honestly, when he wasn’t focused on what they were doing, it wasn’t too bad. Hanging out with Gaz, even if they didn’t really talk much, was pretty fun. 

“Get anything?”

“More hoodies since you keep stealing mine.”

Soap smiled. “Hell yeah. It’s not my fault you have better taste in hoodies. They’re always so soft and big and smell like you.”

“They’re big because they’re meant to fit me.”

Soap leaned up and kissed his cheek. After having to deal with the people at the store, Soap’s presence was honestly a bit of a balm to his frayed nerves. 

Until he thought of why he had gone out. 

“Are you content with me?”

Soap paused, looking a bit confused. “Simon, I’m happy with you. Why do you ask?”

“Nothing. Just wondering.”

Johnny hummed. “Take your mask off for me.”

Simon did. He wanted to be what Johnny expected. To change how he was supposed to. Callused fingers ran over his cheekbones. Touching his jaw. 

“Beautiful.”

Wrong. 

“Did something happen?” Soap was too perceptive. 

“No.” 

Soap frowned and leaned up, kissing him more. “Alright. Ye won’t talk to me. I won’t push ya.” He cupped his face. “Just talk to me when you’re ready then.” 

Ghost frowned. “Nothing wrong. But I will if anything comes up.”

Soap smiled. “All I ask.” 

The next time they were in the car, Ghost put on some pop music. It wasn’t what he’d normally listen to. It was just a random list of the top 100 hits. Soap noticed and looked at him oddly. “Where’s your normal rock music?” 

Ghost normally made a radio each time they were going to do something together. All of it heavy rock music or metalcore. That was… bad though. Price called it his angry mix and he was trying to not do that. Not to be like that.

Be different. 

“Wanted to change it up?” It came out too much like a question. 

Soap frowned. He liked all types of music just fine, but Ghost didn’t. Ghost was predictable. Ghost only “Changed it up” when on leave when he listened to classical music. A fact only Soap got to know.

“You’re acting different.”  

Ghost shrugged and focused on driving. The other guys seemed on edge now Something was clearly off about him now. It made everyone nervous. 

It was exacerbated when Ghost wore colors at the next taskforce meeting. Even Gaz, who had been there when he bought it, looked very uncomfortable when he wore a soft shade of red hoodie and medical mask instead of his balaclava. They all kept glancing over and… looking confused. 

Ghost looked at Soap. He ignored that his skin prickled at the attention and the change. That the fabric was itchy against his skin. Or that being so exposed made him want to die right there. None of that quite mattered as much as Soap’s expression. He didn’t look pleased at all. No excitement that Ghost tried to be different. Just… a strange look. 

Ghost felt sick. He felt nauseous. 

Soap cornered him after the meeting and took him to his bedroom. 

Ghost felt like a kid, just sitting on his bed as Soap stared at him. 

“I was just trying to be what you wanted.” Simon admitted, yanking the hoodie off. “I heard you and the recruits complaining about me. I just… wanted you to like me.”

Johnny paused and softened. “Simon. I’m sorry. I was letting them complain because you’re their boss. Which I shouldn’t have. Gotta so caught up in you being Ghost, my Lt, I let them disrespect Simon, my boyfriend.” He sank down, getting on his knees in front of him. “All of this… Making yourself so uncomfortable and forcing yourself to change… You tried to do for me?”

Ghost winced. “It’s pathetic. I know. Just…”

Johnny laughed and pulled the medical mask down to kiss him. “Mo chroí. It’s not pathetic. I’m so sorry. If I had known, I would’ve cleared it up for you.” He kissed him a few more times. “I love your angry music and your dark clothing and the fact you only casually show your face to me. And I wouldn’t change you for the world.”

Simon relaxed a little. “Keep going.”

Johnny laughed. “Alright. I like that you’re mean to recruits because you want them to toughen up. You don’t listen when anyone suggests anything because you know you’re going to ignore it and I find it fun. Especially because you listen to me. I like that you’re a little pretentious about your music and that I get to wear your black hoodies. That you have two pairs of pants and that’s all you wear. On leave, I love that you wear a ton of rings. That you’re grouchy in the mornings even though you get up at 5 am when working. I love you, Simon.”

Simon pulled them back so they were laying in bed and Soap continued without a beat. “I love that you wake up at 2 am and make you tea and me a cup of coffee. Love that you sneak into my room all the time and that you steal the blankets. I-”

Simon kissed him. “Alright. You can stop now. I get it.”

“I can keep going. Anytime you want me to.” Johnny promised. “Also, I tore into them later. I wanted you to know. Made fun of all of them.”

Simon laughed and relaxed more into the bed, feeling Johnny pepper kisses on him. “Love you too.” 

[charlotteking27]

Hi I’ve recently gotten back into divergent so my Eric obsession has surfaced yet again😂

I’m also new to tumblr so I’m not sure if I’m doing this request thing right, so my apologies if it’s too much

I really enjoyed your head canon on Eric and was wondering if you could do another one maybe more geared towards him as a husband and father maybe some years down the road. I could see him having learned some self control when it comes to his anger issues. Maybe becoming a girl dad becoming a big softy which would be adorable, but still maintaining his asshole reputation somehow.

If you get a chance to write this I’d really appreciate it!! Thank you

Eric proposed to you after a year of dating. You told Eric beforehand you wanted to be proposed too, Why? There's no point in me proposing to you, you are already mine, Eric said rubbing his face annoyed. YOU WILL PROPOSE TO ME!! You screamed while hitting him.

You worked as a nurse so when the symptoms of throwing up, weird cravings, mood swings, and your period being late you knew you were pregnant. For precaution, you took a test confirming your suspicion, and you ran to tell Eric being overjoyed. What is it, honey? Eric said wrapping his arms around you. I'M PREGNANT! You Shouted waiting to see his reaction only to be met with silence, Babe are you okay? Eric looked at you and immediately spun you around in his arms with your legs wrapped around his torso.

Eric was extremely protective of you. He carried you down the flight of stairs because of the no railings, or you used the elevator. He made sure you ate a lot no matter how unhealthy it was, so a lot of chocolate cake. If anyone bumped into you or harmed you in any way whether emotionally or physically he kick their ass.

He was obsessed with the baby, and after the couple found out it was a baby girl, he was ecstatic wanting to spoil the little girl. She is so gonna be a daddy's girl, Eric said rubbing your stomach. How do you know? you said. Because She's my daughter, Eric said in an obvious tone.

Truth be told she was a daddy's girl, after she was born she only wanted her daddy. He was the only one that could make her go to sleep, so... Why do I have to go, it's your turn, Eric said still in bed rubbing his eyes tiredly with the baby crying in the background. Because She's a daddy girl, you said while putting the covers over your face feeling Eric get up.

At the age of 5, your daughter was handling knives and guns but was spoiled so much by her father that she favored him over you. You told Eric it wasn't a good idea to train her yet because she was so young but he did anyway, only the basics though. For her 6 birthday, she was given a pink knife and gun engraved was princess, ironic.

your daughter screamed and panicked whenever Eric was not there. She threw tantrums over the smallest things it was getting out of control, so you stepped your foot down. You told her that you were the mother and she had to obey your rules, She was not happy and yelled at you. Eric finally saw how his little princess was getting too spoiled... Princess Stop! Eric said with a firm voice, he realized how bad our daughter treated you and was not having it. [d/n] You can't disrespect your mother like that, Eric took away her guns and knives and had her apologize to you. You knew she was a daddy's girl but she was still your daughter and you weren't going to allow her to treat you like that. You forgave her but she was still grounded for 2 weeks.

By age 12 your daughter was maturing growing so beautiful with her long hair and beautiful blue eyes like Eric's. Eric was still an asshole to people but never to his family, he often compared his daughter to the initiates. Watch how my daughter throws the knives better than you pieces of shit, glancing at his daughter. She threw it perfectly right in the middle, the initiates looked at the little girl in surprise with a proud look from both her and her father. I want everyone to run and you won't stop till I say so...GO, Eric said firmly wanting to gouge his eyes out if he saw another initiate.

By the time your daughter was 16, Eric had moved up the ranks to head leader of Dauntless. Your daughter ended up staying in Dauntless excelling in training and becoming first overall in all her rankings only having 7 fears.

Eric was not happy, his princess had a boyfriend, and he had a reputation for scaring any boys who came close to his little girl. Oh, so you think you're good enough for my princess huh, Eric walked around the boy, giving him a fright. All-l do r-respect s-ir, the boy said shitting himself, Why are you stuttering, can't you speak right boy, Eric said leaning on his side while crossing his arms showing off his muscular arms. Daddy stop you are scaring him, His princess told him but he ignored her. Princess, why don't you give the boys some time to talk, his princess obliged leaving the men to talk. Can I get... before she could finish she saw her boyfriend leaving with tears streaming down his face. Look, we are breaking up bye, he left in such a hurry. She knew her father did this and ordered 3 shots of vodka, she was going to need it.

In the end, Your daughter was able to find someone who understood her and treated her like a princess. Eric approved of the boy for his daughter, 2 years after they dated he proposed to your daughter. you and your daughter went wedding dress shopping, planning the big invite list, etc. The wedding was extravagant and beautiful and you couldn't stop crying seeing Eric walk your daughter down the aisle and [d/n] saying I Do. You recall the memories that led up to this moment, you meeting Eric, the wedding, your daughter, the choosing ceremony, her wedding it was amazing with your family right by your side.

BTW yes Eric cried at the wedding. I am telling you, sweetie I am not gonna cry... 5 minutes later, Eric wiping his tears with a napkin. Not gonna cry right, you said with your arms crossed on your chest. SHHHH, the wedding starting, and my eyes are just leaking water.

[anonmousegosqueak]

I'm back again with ideas! About my favourite character!

Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick, who grew up in foster care. He doesn't have one of those 'horror story' lives as he likes to call them. Sure, he grew up with a lock on the fridge and pantry, but all he had to do was ask and, if he was good that day, Mrs Morris would unlock it for him to grab a snack.

Now, in the present, Gaz has some food issues. Doesn't like sharing, counts what he has on his plate before leaving it anywhere. He nearly freaked out on Soap because the dude took some of his eggs one morning and traded it for a sausage.

I think Gaz does really well at keeping his anger in check, saves it for training or when he's in private. Uses that anger as fuel.

In my head, Price grew up similarly. After his dad (alcoholic deadbeat, his mum died in childbirth) finally lost custody, Price got put in a pretty bad home. Locks on all of the doors, chore list a mile long, clothes that didn't fit, expectations that couldn't be achieved. His foster parents never hit though, just made sure to threaten it.

So I think Price definitely sees that food insecurity in Gaz, and since Price has learnt to deal with his, starts sharing (giving) food with Gaz.

got a bit long apparently, oof. But yeah. Food insecure!Gaz and Price "Who knows what it's like" helping him.

-🦴

??? 🦴, Are you trying to make me cry?

Also Gaz is my favorite too, HE DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH SIMPS, I always get excited when I see another Gaz enjoyer

Seriously though, I've always been a sucker for similar and yet different Gaz Price.

I mean Price literally snatched Gaz, stole him, picked that boy up and ran. What if it was because he saw some part of himself in the man? Someone so similar to when he was a kid, who has obviously seen some shit and now wants to make a change, and remembered how much he wanted nothing but a mentor. So what does he do? He becomes that mentor! By yoinking him up and never ever giving him back. ever. Not in a million billion years.

So yeah, he was the first one to notice Gaz's habits with food. He was there when Gaz was about to rip Soap's throat because he stole one of those little bags of chips (crisps? British people, ew). He's read his file and knows to put two and two together. He was in the same spot, he gets it.

So he starts small.

Breakfast, 'accidentally' grabbed another orange and I mean- he doesn't want it! Might as well let Gaz have it. Gotta keep you strong, ready for the fight.

Lunch, ugh a new shipment of protein bars came in. He *hates* this flavor. Oi Kyle! Want one? (The flavor is his favorite, Ghost knows this as Price once literally growled when Nik jokingly tried to take it)

Dinner, oi- MacTavish. Just take some of his, leave Gaz alone. Price got a bit too much anyways, he'd rather share it with Soap than having the Sargents fight.

Then it gets more obvious.

Price starts leaving little treats in Gaz's room, something special just for him that he doesn't have to worry about sharing or it being taken away. Gives Gaz a spare key to his special treat drawer in his desk as well, is literally just like "help yourself, I stole 'em of Nikolai and can always get more". He even goes as far to take Gaz shopping and letting him pick out some snacks.

While it's not perfect, Gaz definitely still refuses sometimes (he has both the pride that makes him gay and the pride that makes him refuse anything nice), it's *something*. And you know what? That's more than Kyle Garrick or Johnathan Price ever had as kids.

[akirasstories]

hi, bestie! can i ask for 3, 6 and 8? if it’s not too much 🥺

hii! no, ofc not! thank you for asking 🫶✨

wil post is here

A Liam Dunbar Story

okay, so this one is something that is very dear to me bc liam is such a comfort character to me (anger issues and all). i kinda wanted to think about how liam grew up bc we don't know much about his childhood, real dad or family in general. i have this hc that liam has an anxious attachment style bc he was really worried about scott leaving and clearly down bad when hayden had left. besides that, i think liam's ied is something really inetersting to look at! so this wip just kinda shows liam in different life stages. there's no thiam and it's all based on my own perception of liam! i made a thread about him on twt, the link is here.

this is still a wip bc i'm still figuring out some details even tho it's mainly done (i also started working on a jenna dunbar story, which yeah, is more like an oc of me, but hey, im an adult i can write whatever the heck i want lol)

-----

Liam has always been told that he’s too much.

Too loud. Too angry. Too explosive.

It’s been that way since he was little, long before the wolf got into his blood. Before fangs and claws, before supernatural control was ever something he had to fight for—he was already fighting himself.

It’s exhausting.

Carrying around that much fire, never knowing when it’s going to spill out and burn everything down.

1. It Starts Young

Jenna always said he was just passionate.

That’s how she framed it when teachers sent home notes about his temper, when he cried over the smallest things, when he screamed because someone broke his favorite toy.

"He's not bad," she'd say, firm, even when Liam saw how exhausted she was. "He just feels things more."

But that never made it easier.

Because no matter what his mom said, Liam knew what people thought.

They saw his anger before they saw him.

They saw his tantrums, his outbursts, his inability to control his emotions, and they whispered about what a difficult child he was.

But they never saw how much he tried.

They never saw how hard he fought to hold it in, to stay quiet, to be good.

His father never saw it either.

Or maybe he did and just didn’t care.

Sexy Dagger

as i mentioned in a previous post, this is just pure crack with a very drunk liam who is not aware theo is actually also his theo

-----

Then Liam, blissfully unaware of the emotional crisis he’d just triggered, grinned and leaned in like he was about to share the world’s greatest secret.

“And he’s so good in bed,” Liam added conspiratorially, as if Theo didn’t already know this. “Like, amazing. I mean, I don’t wanna brag, but...”He trailed off, waggling his eyebrows in what he probably thought was subtle but just looked like an exaggerated attempt at sending some kind of drunken Morse code.

Theo rolled his eyes, his cheeks heating despite himself. “Got it, Dunbar. Your boyfriend’s a god among men.”

“Oh, he is,” Liam insisted, grabbing Theo’s arm for emphasis, his expression deadly serious. “And I love him. Like, so much.” He exhaled dreamily, then announced with great importance, “I’m gonna marry him, you know.”

Theo’s heart did something annoyingly soft at that. “You’re gonna marry him, huh?”

“Yup!” Liam nodded with so much enthusiasm he nearly launched himself off the curb. “So you shouldn’t be getting any ideas, okay? ‘Cause you’re nice. Super nice. But my boyfriend? He’s my soulmate.”

Theo stared at him, caught between laughing and kissing the idiot senseless. “Noted. No ideas.”

can't tell what's real (only your skin on mine)

alright, as i actually am still working very hard on this (i am a liar i have literally almost nothing but i promise i WILL start working on it once march is over and i have more free time) i don't have much more snippets to share other than this:

here's another snippet

----

“Someone—?” Liam’s breath hitched, rage and fear twisting in his chest. “You’re not—disposable, Theo!”

Theo’s eyes darkened, his smirk twisting into something bitter. “Aren’t I? Because you sure as hell only call me when you need me.”

The words hit like claws to the chest.

Liam took a step back, jaw clenching. “That’s not—”

“Don’t lie to me,” Theo hissed, stepping forward, his voice low and dangerous. “I know what this is, Dunbar. You use me. I’m the monster you can’t get rid of but can’t stop fucking.”

Liam snapped, shoving Theo back hard enough to make him stumble.

BUT i can share some stuff that will be part of the story:

liam & theo are switches bc i said so

liam feels A LOT, he just doesn't know how to deal with it

scott is a good alpha

theo is an emotionally repressed mess who is yearning and pining after liam like the loser he is (don't worry, istill love you, theo "simp" raeken)

mason is the best and most wonderful best friend (morey is also just very very cute & healthy)

hayden comes back to town

liam really goes through a tough time. the whole pack needs therapy but liam needs it ASAP (no liam, fcking your former enemy is NOT a form of therapy)

[fennecfiree]

SO MANY HEADCANONS.

(copy and pasting some of my older posts btw)

ALSO! Ask me any of my other headcanons with the ask feature thingy, for example, creek hcs, clyde hcs, or anything like that. ill answer!

Stan: Blue eyes, short black greasy hair ( he never washes his frickin hair ) he has some acne, he's the 2nd tallest in the main 4, he's thin, has earrings, he has a slipknot pin on his hat, and has some eye bags because he never sleeps 😱 he's bisexual ( girl pref ) and Demi boy. He has autism, and asthma. special interest is bored games, he listens to Slipknot, MCR, deftones, Korn, his fav song is Duality. his fav food is m&ms, his fav video game is Roblox, he also plays RimWorld, terrified of snakes, his fav shows are Stranger things, The simpsons, Spongebob, and Rick and morty, cares more for animals than most people, gets annoyed when people talk to much. His phone is full of pictures of Sparky. whenever he's home alone he chugs some of Randy's beer 😭 his phone is always on do not disturb. still keeps in touch with the goth kids. he's very close with Tolkien, which Kyle got mad about since Stan was jealous when Kyle was making tiktoks with Tolkien. he gets B-. Loves horror games and movies and forces kyle to play them with him, paints his nails black. asks for a cat every Christmas, has a Bart Simpson sad pfp ( you know those.. ) really into creepy pastas. he watched TheOddOnesOut, and SomethingElseYT

Kyle: he has olive eyes, really curly short ginger hair, he has braces, and a bigger nose, he's pretty pale and has freckles, the shortest out of the 4, and he's chubby. he's bisexual and asexual ( he ofc found out when he's older ). he has type 1 diabetes (and is really embarrassed about it). anxiety, autism ( his special interest is ocean creatures ) and bad anger issues. he listens to AJR, Green day, The cure, Weezer, The offspring. his fav song is Pretty fly for a white guy. his fav food is stew, and and he drinks monster sometimes. His fav game is Minecraft and Fnaf 1. He's a giant germaphobe, he washes his hands after every time he goes somewhere. he's also scared of gore. he watches Gravity Falls, BfDI. Spongebob, Him and Ike watch Yo gabba gabba together 😭😭 He cant watch horror movies, and cant play scary games. He talks A LOT. He has a handsanitizer bottle on his desk. His favorite holiday is Halloween, he gets A+ most of the time, but sometimes he gets A-. he spends 2 hours doing his hair, he studies really hard, and gets furious if someone else in class gets a higher grade ( its usually Wendy ) he try's to draw good, and thinks he does, but its very poorly drawn cartoon drawings with detailed eyes. he try's to straighten his hair but it just looks very weird, and it made him sad 😓HIM AND STAN WATCH SPONGEBOB TOGETHER AND THEY LOAD UP ON EVERYSINGLE SNACK. he's insecure about his looks. he looks up to his dad a lot, he cry's when his teachers don't respond to him putting up his hand 😭. doesn't notice when he's raising his voice. sleeps with his orca whale plushie 😎 He watches Markiplier, Flamingo, and LS Mark.

Cartman: 1 brown eye, 1 blue eye, short light brown messy hair, he has long eyelashes and some acne, he has a tooth gap, he's the tallest of the 4, and ofc he's a fatass 😭 he's gay, lactose intolerant and has heterochromia (left is brown, right is blue) He listens to Lady gaga, Britney spears, Taylor swift. and his fav song is Poker face. His fav food is Cheesy Poofs, and Pancakes. His fav game is Happy wheels and People playground. he has Trypanophobia. He watches Saw, The Human Centipede, and Happy tree friends. when he plays Minecraft with people he refuses to share a house with someone cuz it's gay, he scams kids in Roblox adopt me. Him and Shelly play smash or pass together with celebrities 😭 he has a Instagram account for Mr Kitty. He's an iPad kid 🤪🤪🤪🤪 goes on Omegle (let's pretend it's still up) and pretends to be a girl. Has an account on Twitter just for making fun of Kyle, listens to true crime. Collects stickers 😊😊 begs his mom to give him robux, he also has another Twitter account that's a Stan account for lady Gaga. Terrified of Wendy 😭😲 the coon is his fursona, he also pretends that he hates furrys but secretly is one 😭 Gets C-. reddit user.. says "MY CONTROLLER BROKE" when he loses a game, he's fluent in German. He's really smart, sometimes even smarter than Kyle, but doesn't care to use it for good, he just uses it for asshole shit. Sleeps with all 10000 of his stuffed animals. he hates fathers day. he watches Trisha paytas, ishowspeed, and shane dawson. 😭😭

Kenny: Blue eyes, messy blonde hair, he has a tooth gap, and his clothes are really dirty, he's the 2nd shortest of the 4, and he's pretty skinny, he's pansexual and genderfluid. he listens to Cardi B, Gorillaz, Vengaboys. and his fav song is Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!! his fav food is Grilled cheese. His fav game is DDLC and FNF (he plays on butters pc) He watches Pokemon, MPL ( originally Karen forced him to watch it but he kinda likes it LMAO ) and Sailor moon. he falls asleep in class a lot. He gets B+. therapist friend, zones out a lot. He sometimes comes to school with pigtails that Karen gave him. He never fights with his siblings. Stan always gives him some of his school lunch. his clothes are covered in holes and stains. he loves playing truth or dare and always picks dare. he loves birthday party's and always take a ton of food to bring to his family. he wants a pet rat so bad. he likes Stan the best out of the main 4, he sometimes finds Kyle super annoying and cartman... well its cartman.. goes outside and burns pieces of paper for fun. he watches Mr Beast ( he comments on every video "please help me") Gawr Gura, Ironmouse, and Pokimane.

Butters: Blue eyes, very short blonde hair, a scar on his right eye. he's the same height as Kenny, slim, has a couple freckles but not NEARLY as much as Kyle 😨he's Bisexual. He has PTSD. He listens to BTS, Disney songs, his fav song is Butter 🙀 His fav food is Ice cream ( strawberry ) His fav game is Hello Kitty Island Adventure, and Roblox. He watches Hello kitty (ofc) MLP ( him and Kenny watch it together) and Spongebob. He loves pastel colors. VERY bad memory, likes the taste of milk, Bites his nails, He still has the Marjorine clothes and likes to dance around in them, HIM AND BRADLEY ARE PEN PALS. Has to sing the ABCs to know the placements Gets A-. He also cant watch horror movies or play scary games like Kyle. He starts celebrating Christmas in October. watches those boys vrs girls gacha life music videos. USES THOSE VERY CURLY STRAWS IN CHOCOLOTE MILK AND BLOWS BUBBLES IN THEM!!! He's an art kid. He watches DanTDM, and Stampy

PLEASE DONT FLOP THIS TOOK 5 DAYS

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

Okay y'all, my smacked ass has had an epiphany tonight about why i like the stupid vampire books so much, even though like, at least a quarter of them are mostly trash. presented in meme format:

anne rice was far from perfect, but when she added all her bible fanfic into the books, the idea that to reach heaven we have to forgive god for his indifference was something that shook 11 year old me.

and like, anne clearly had some religious issues she was working through when she wrote memnoch. eleven year old me could see that, and she was only 11. and baby me got it; bc baby me was an atheist who was trying very, very hard not to be one (bc my mom forced me to go to church as a kid, and i was afraid she wouldn't love me anymore if she knew) but i was not feeling the capital-G god.

(she does still love me, btw. baby me was just as neurotic as adult me)

I was like why create a tree adam and eve couldn't from in the first place? like that was unnecessary. why play mind games like that? and asking abraham to sacrifice his son? what for? to prove what? that you're a dick? also, if forgiveness is so important why do 'bad' people burn in hell for all eternity? that's a bit extreme dude. (this is me expressing my 11 yr old little girl thoughts, btw. please don't attack me for thinking mean things about your religion as a literal child. a child having it force fed to her)

So like, her concept of this need for us to bestow forgiveness on Elohim (her name for god) was like, mind-blowing. Bc my whole life it had been like, god is good; god is great; all the time; all the time. But to me, this guy just seemed like a giant asshole, bc all the stuff. Flooding the earth was the equivalent of a toddler flushing his toy down the toilet bc he's mad.

And I mean, once Jesus came along everything got real different. jesus was cool. and he could turn water into wine. which 11 yr old me thought he could have put to good use and just made a bunch of wine out of nasty water no one wanted and sold it. then used the money to build a temple, or a bunch of temples, or just give all the money to the poor.

(my dad liked the idea; my mom said that jesus wouldn't do that bc drinking was a sin. so of course i asked why jesus was giving people wine if drinking was a sin. so my mom volleyed with drinking not being the sin, getting drunk was the sin. and i was like, do you know how people get drunk? so she said something about free will, and god giving us choices. so i was like, can i choose to have wine? and she said no bc i was 11. so i was like, i think you're encroaching upon my free will. also bc i was 11 and i thought that was clever at the time. but me and my family have always been able to rib each other a little, to snark a bit and be sarcastic, but never malicious. It's like, playful.)

anyway, the point i'm trying to make is that reading that stupid, bad book felt like the first time an adult person had ever given me permission to be angry at god. not an adult who still believed in it all. and that was gratifying as fuck.

bc i didn't believe in their god, but furthermore, i didn't like him very much either. and i couldn't admit that i didn't believe (bc i have issues) for a few more years. but i sure was angry with who i saw as some version of a fictional man-child with an oversized ego brain-controlling all my friends. (Indoctrinating is the word, but 11 year old me didn't know it. And it was the thing she was thinking of, which tbh, is still a thing that happens around here. Kids grow up fed on it, and that fucks some of them up.)

She did know that you couldn't be mad at a fictional character because they don't, you know, exist. So she understood the anger was illogical, and because I was the type of kid who read textbooks for fun; she knew that meant she was projecting. (Surprise; it's really my mom I'm mad at. But 11 yr old me was not ready to emotionally process that, so she used it as anger at 'the church' which was either as vague or as all-encompassing as the situation called for)

anyway, i could channel all that anger, and redirect it and show it as anger toward god. for all the atrocities. and all the racism, and sexism, and homophobia in the church community. (specifically the southern baptist church community in the bible belt. the bible belt is it's own special hell. especially if you're queer and/or fucked in the head. Like, i know we're supposed to say neurodivergent or some shit. but like, i get to call it fucked in the head, bc i am fucked in the head myself. i have a wide array of mental illnesses/disorders)

and being able to use that as an outlet helped me keep playing pretend another few years. until i could reconcile that my mother, with all her good intentions, could hurt me. even if she didn't mean to. even if i could never ever let her know. bc knowing that would hurt her.

so yeah, that's the long, rambley tale of how reading anne rice's bad bible fanfiction helped me process my inner rage towards my mother. thus allowing me to ultimately move past it. mostly.

[tea-time-with-london]

I agree with the Hopper s3 anon. He was absolutely toxic and what they did to his character was out of pocket.

One thing it was shown that he was on meds in s1, which likely contributed to having his anger issues under control, and he might have gone off the meds between s2 and s3.

But still Hopper isn't the best suited father figure for the Byers or El. Their fight in s2 was so hard to watch, I get him frustrated, but El is a traumatised girl who missed her friends. She only knows violence since she was born essentially, and Hopper can't handle a child like this.

He couldn't even talk normally to Mike in s3, which, yeah, Mike was an ass but he's still a child.

Does the fandom really think Hopper would be supportive of Will coming out? Nope, he was already homophobic to him in s1. He doesn't know how to talk to kids or show empathy for their struggles.

Bob was the only person I could have seen been right for the Byers. He cared about Joyce and the kids. Even though Jonathan didn't like him, Bob was never mean to him. He gave him space. Bob was patient and kind. Hopper is the opposite. He's a lot like Lonnie in terms of having a bad temper. He will trigger Joyce and the boys. Like I love him as an action hero, but he is terrible for the Byers family. And now, with more added trauma, he won't process that well idk. He would need therapy, but it's the 80s, and men show no feelings. Men don't cry kinda bullshit.

I love Jopper in theory (childhood friends to lovers), but they made Hopper into Lonnie 2.0, so I can't ship him with Joyce. She deserves someone like Bob, a gentle soul who keeps her calm and doesn't yell at her for minor things.

Confession #119

Hm. So like I partially get where you're coming from but allow me to touch on a few things, if I may. First, let me just say I also loved Bob. He was a sweet, gentle soul who truly did care for Joyce and the boys. (I wish I could describe my dad's reaction to Bob's death. My dad was mortified. He loved Bob.)

As for Hopper...I don't remember anywhere in season 1 where Hopper was homophobic to Will. I haven't watched season 1 in a bit so I could be misremembering, but I can't even name a scene in my head where he was homophobic.

But a genuine question for you is do you not believe he can change? At all? What would be the point of Hopper going through all 5 seasons and remaining exactly the same?

Hopper is re-learning how to be a parent, this is something I think we all have to remember. His only child died at just like five or six years old. As a parent, he was probably feeling so unbelievably helpless because he couldn't protect or save his little girl. This helplessness transformed into the overprotectiveness we saw in season 2. While he may have been overbearing, it wasn't out of malice. He was trying to do everything he could to keep El safe from the people that wanted to hurt her. And sure, he absolutely could have gone about it a different way, I won't argue against that at all because there were times he could have exercised grace and patience and figured out a solution where they were both happy.

As for season 3, I also wasn't the biggest fan of how Hopper acted toward Mike, but also he's watching his daughter grow up and branch out with friends and her boyfriend and there comes that protectiveness again that a lot of parents have toward their kiddos. Again, obviously I don't approve of the way Mike was treated. I think Hopper could have eased up on him while also implementing boundaries as a parent.

And remember...Hopper only got to spend 5 years with his daughter Sarah. El is like a preteen/teen in seasons 2-3. This is a whole different experience for Hopper. He's never parented a teenager before, much less a teen daughter who is superhuman as a single father. Parenthood is trial and error.

And then we obviously have to factor trauma into the conversation as an explanation for a lot of his behavior, but of course that's never an excuse for behavior. But Hopper loves El, and Hopper loves Joyce (and though I feel like we don't really see Hopper and the Byers brothers in scenes together, I'm sure he loves them too) then I think that's some motivation to work on his own healing so he doesn't project onto other people. My point in saying all this is that characters grow and change. And I think Hopper has honestly showed a lot of feelings. Just think of the conversations he had with Enzo in Russia. He showed genuine, raw emotion talking about Sarah and El and all the shit he's been through. That's process. That's development.

At the end of the day, you feel the way you feel about it all and that's perfectly fine. Just wanted to open up the discussion a bit :)

[hoonface]

again so nobody asked, but its 2025 and i just decided to dig up my old tumblr and i had NO recollection that i wrote such a post... i honestly have a lot to do for uni but procrastination runs strong in my genome so i guess here's to future me again <3

ib wasn't as bad in hindsight, high school wasn't as amazing as i now hoped it was, but it was still happy because of the guy i was dating at the time. that's all i knew at the time and i was happy then so that's enough for me.

graduating high school with such a mid ib result was so lame of me EVEN IN AN ADJUSTED YEAR, but its okay. we took a year to regroup with a plan and ended up in a degree we actually like now. we're just more than two years in with two more years to go, and we've been so incredibly busy. this year is the most we've ever been tested physically and emotionally but we've made it so far. but when we like what we do, we don't work a day and we are incredibly lucky that we still like what we do right now.

him and i aren't together anymore, but we still look back with fondness. we talk on the phone from time to time as friends just to check in, but we haven't dated anyone since him. not for absolute lack of trying, we saw somebody last year and he was lowkey everything we could've wanted (or so we thought). friendly, hot, SUPER smart (a med student!), kinda dorky, sooooo cute (crying), tall, similar interests, SPOKE OUR LANGUAGE, had a cat too??? we took a huge step and searched him up after the event, hit him up, asked him out, we gave it a good shot for a month. it didn't work out even though we (i, and i think him too) tried so hard to like him and at the end of the day, i'm so proud of us (me) for staying true to ourselves and not forcing something for potential. as a kid i never really understood the "stay true to yourself" jazz but at 20, i realised what it meant. betraying myself felt worse than feeling lonely, and i'm so proud of myself for that decision even though i know it's probably one that many make regularly. i know it was really important to us to find somebody who "measured up/aligned" because we wanted stability and a predictable and similar future (we're in healthcare rn too), but i just knew it wasn't working. we had different world views and values and i didn't want to have to "convert" or "parent" someone into becoming what we wanted, that's not fair to us or to him (or anyone else i see). we put our big girl boots on and talked to him about it in person and ended it cleanly and amicably, and now i have my integrity (who knew this mattered to me so much!) and maturity to look back on. sometimes we think maybe we should've just gone for it - nobody was telling us to marry him for god's sake its just dating - but in hindsight, we know we did the right thing and we learned a lot about ourselves through that process. he truly was a pretty wrapped package for all my internal problems, and (unintentionally on his part) shone a mirror in my most bruised spots, spots that i didn't even know really existed.

dating has been hard (not that we've really tried since him) because of the standard 2020-2022 set for us. t changed who i am forever, i wouldn't be the person i am today without him and at the end of the day, that's all i can really ask for. we're just not right for each other anymore, and that's okay. we leave that behind knowing it served us good when we had it, and it no longer serves either of us now.

we did an insane amount of growing up to be honest. maybe a bit too much, a bit too fast. i get a kick out of knowing i'm kind of 'wise', but truly sometimes ignorance is bliss lol and its a double edged sword. every year we think "i already know what all my issues are and i'm pretty mature" while knowing that can't possibly be true, and every year i learn new things and still act surprised. lol. we know more about ourselves than ever, we know more about mom and dad than ever, and at the end of the day, we're just left with what is. not anger, not petulance, not hatred, but grief, pity, and a really really numb knowing that if things were easier for them, their parents, their families, maybe things would be easier for us now. first gen immigrant eldest daughter is no joke, we're exactly in that pipeline lol. we try for ourselves, for them, for him, and sometimes we just get tired and it's a bit much. then we have a menty b and chatgpt is our best friend, and then we pick ourselves up again because nobody else is going to do it but us. it really is just you and me forever and we need to start doing a better job at getting comfortable with that.

health is wealth and we are so lucky. others have so much more than we do but honestly at this stage i'm just glad we're all here.

f and d are doing okay, we love them and hope they're with us forever.

friend scene has lowkey changed so much, albeit quietly. i couldn't have imagined this in 2020 but i like it a lot the way it is now. time with the girls and the guys is healing, like-minded, fun, rejuvenating, and i get to just be.

who am i without everyone else and when the lights are off? stay tuned to find out if we ever solve this age-old question!

overall we're actually pretty okay. i mean chatgpt might think otherwise, but i have so much that i think overall i'm okay with where i am. maybe 5-years-down-the-road-me will have even more insight (crazy concept when will it ever end) and we'll make a face reading this again. what face that is, only god knows. wow i should start a substack. this is very marina keegan-esque of me.

i liked doing this. maybe i should again next time. love yourself more, it's literally just us forever and ever.

24/04/25

hi so nobody asked but i felt like talking, kinda a personal thing since no one here actually knows me !! i’ve been away from tumblr for ages and i’m here just cause i missed it a bit and to procrastinate my econ assignment lmao. since the last time i’ve been active active here, this has been what i’ve been up to as of 02/11/20:

moved from a public high school to a selective entry ibdp school !! if any of my fellow ibdp kids seeing this hah i hate it i hate ib i am so tired all the time

dated a long time best friend who turned out to be kinda toxic, went through some mad emotional turmoil and did a lot of growing up

cut off this person and recovered

procrastinated a fuck ton

caught feelings for this really nice guy towards the end of last year, really sweet guy. the kind to open doors for people and help anyone out academically (kinda carries the whole grade’s average, the honours kinda kid but not ...nerdy ?). overall a really sweet guy and really considerate.

started going out with said guy cause luckily for me, he felt the same way !! we’re going into our ninth month this november and i’ve been extremely extremely happy.

did i mention ibdp sucks yeah cause it does. been doing a bunch of ib stuff, not sleeping enough, sleeping too much

overall am kinda doing okay, just really happy to be here and have the people around me that i do

[kinichwife]

this time i gotta know, where did my daddy go?

alt. title; i didn’t cry when you left a first, but now that you’re dead it hurts

all characters x gn! reader (with daddy issues......)

[tw: daddy issues, abuse mentions, heavily implied that the reader’s dad is dead (it’s stated that he is in deuce’s part, tho), this is very very self indulgent, SA mentions, reader was heavily neglected as a child]

note: ayo this is for all the people with daddy issues out there

heartslabyul, savanaclaw, octavinelle, scarabia, pomefiore, diasomnia

riddle rosehearts

when you finally open up to him about this, needless to say, he’s definitely taken by surprise. he doesn’t know what to say at all, he grew up in an entirely different way. he’d hold you in his arms and let you cry into his shoulder, you don’t have to say anything, neither of you do. he cares a lot about you. when he heard about how much your father had neglected and took his anger out on you, he would promise to never do that, no matter how frustrated he is. now that he knows this information, he’d hold it to heart and never use it against you. if you want to talk to him about anything, feel free to find him in his free time. he can’t really guarantee he’ll know what to say, though.

trey clover

that explains a lot about you. now he understands why you act the way you do towards him. always relying on him, always clinging to his arm, it all clicked. when you told him all of the things your father used to do to you, his heart shattered. why would anyone do such a thing to you? you were just a kid, what did you do to deserve it? he doesn’t want the answer to that question, not that there is one. is this why you were always around him? because you saw him as a father figure? he had to admit, hearing that part hurt him the most. relying on him because you never grew up with a real father. he promises, so long as you decide to stick with him, he will always take care of you.

cater diamond

he had no words to say. when you told him all that happened in your life when you were a child; the abuse, the assault, everything from top to bottom, he held you into a tight embrace. usually he handles these kinds of situations better, but you’re different. you’re the only person he has his heart set on, and to hear this about his own lover? he wanted nothing more than to make you feel safe and secure. 

ace trappola

‘oh, haha! nice joke, (Y/n)!! ...it’s not a joke?’ he feels bad for you, he just doesn’t know how to show it. so for now, he doesn’t say anything. instead he stays quiet and lets you vent as he lets you hold onto him. he’d wrap his arms around you in return. the more and more you spoke, the more he felt worse and worse. all of that, and you were just a toddler? a kid? it was so much, he couldn’t comprehend it. ace isn’t the best with these kinds of situations, but even if he doesn’t say a word during these moments, he hold you in hopes that you know how much he cares for you and loves you. he promises on his life that he’ll protect you.

deuce spade

as you opened up to him more and more, he felt the anger bubble up inside of him. why the hell would he do that? your own father! your blood related, father! he was supposed to care for you, nurture you, love you, treat you like you were truly worth something to him. but no, he did the opposite, and deuce wanted nothing more than to beat your father to the ground. when you told him why, his eyes were blown wide. your dad is... dead? now he feels even worse. he’d quickly apologize and wrap his arms around you, he doesn’t know what else to say. he’d cry too, he doesn’t want that to happen to you ever again, ever.

[love-beyond-space-war]

First regular Halo RvB oneshot. Requester was on Wattpad. I saw this as you're Sarge's adopted Daughter for age reasons. You're an adult in this, of course.

I really enjoy Dexter Grif, lol- Kept it general for when this takes place although it's implied to be before his sister arrives in Season 5 as it was not specified.

Approval

Pvt. Dexter Grif x Sarge's Daughter! Reader

Synopsis: Sarge thought it was a good idea to bring more firepower to the red team. What no one expected was Sarge to bring his daughter in. Imagine Grif's dilemma when he finds himself falling for you, the daughter of the man who he loves to irritate.

Content Warnings: Kissing, Forbidden relationship, Swearing, Other than that it's cute.

"You can't be serious...." Simmons sighs, looking over to Grif in disappointment.

"I am serious, Simmons!" Grif huffs, leading to Simmons groaning.

"Sarge would have your head if he caught you with her, y'know that?" Simmons muses. "I mean, she only joined Red a few months ago and you're already-"

"Not so loud, dude! What if she hears? That or Sarge!?"

"Doesn't sound like my problem."

"Okay, Kiss Ass."

Grif sighs and walks away from his friend. Maybe it was a mistake to consult Simmons about how he feels. Although he certainly wasn't saying it to Donut.

Truth is, Grif hasn't been feeling too well emotionally ever since he met Sarge's daughter, (Y/N). You were a bit younger than Grif and so unlike your father. Grif always assumed you weren't blood related because of that.

Sarge was so... Sarge. Ruthless and commanding, although it was fun to annoy him. You on the other hand? You made Grif's heart flutter.

You were so much nicer to him than Sarge. You even asked Sarge to go easier on him at one point. For that he was grateful.

You and Grif made surprising friends due to the relations with Sarge. Although you made him happy and he seemed to also make you happy. He never thought he'd find someone like you on the team.

Over the months he's known you his feelings only grew stronger. The only issue was expressing them. Which was hard to do for one big reason.

Sarge, your father. There's no way Sarge would approve of you dating him. That thought both angered and pained Grif.

"You good, Grif?" You ask softly, your voice shaking him from his thoughts. Grif's visor looks towards you. If only you knew....

"Ah... I guess, yeah. Simmons was giving me trouble again."

You sigh, irritated. He could read your emotions just by your tone.

"Wish Simmons and Sarge gave you more respect, Grif." You say, upset.

"Do you really mean that? They've always been like this-"

"Of course! Atleast I have the decency to treat you with respect. You're a pretty good guy, Grif."

Oh his heart ached....

"That means a lot...."

"(Y/N)!"

Grif freezes when he hears your name being called. Great, it's Sarge.

"Yes, dad?"

"Why are you talking with Grif?"

"I happen to enjoy talking with Grif?"

"He's a bad influence, (Y/N). Lazy as all hell...."

"Hey!"

"He's fun to talk to, dad."

"I would rather you talked with Simmons if anyone here."

"Simmons is a Kiss Ass."

Grif laughs softly at your comment, you really did have his back. Maybe he could give this a try...

"Language, (Y/N). Simmons is a good man."

"Say what you will, dad."

You snicker before walking away. Desperate to get out of Sarge's gaze and talk with you more, Grif follows. If he could just get you alone....

"You seem off, Grif."

Grif feels you put a hand on his shoulder. Your touch is comforting, he feels he can do this.

"Admittedly... a little?"

"Is it my father?"

"That's part of it."

"Yeah, I get that. He's just so..."

"Him?"

"Yeah."

Grif sits down in the base with you. It's just you and him in private. He breathes in before speaking.

"It's been a hard few months but I felt I should tell you this."

"Mhm?"

"(Y/N)..." Grif sits closer. "I like you, like, more than just a comrade."

You look at him. It's hard to tell your expressuon through your visor. But what you did next said all he needed to know.

You shift closer before pulling him into your embrace. You both say nothing, cherishing the moment. Grif could tell you felt the same.

"I had a feeling you'd say that." You say, pulling away enough to tug at your helmet. Grif was left awestruck upon seeing your face. It took you tapping his helmet to snap him out of it.

"Come on, you shy?"

"(Y/N)...." Grif says in shock before removing his helmet. Once off, you wrap your arms around him and kiss him. Grif pauses before kissing back.

He was admittedly not that experienced. Yet neither were you. That didn't change the fact you both were enjoying yourselves.

It felt nice for the both of you. Wrapped around each other and sharing a very intimate moment. It felt meant to be....

Soon you both pull away, looking at each other in bliss. You couldn't be happier.

"God I love you...."

"Same to you, Grif...."

"(Y/N) and Grif!"

"Ah shit...."

You both freeze upon hearing Sarge's voice.

"You have some explaining to do!"

[landinoandco]

Hey could you do one with max verstappen, where the reader a fight about him not helping around the house (witch he doesnt do because he is just tired from working hard but the reader dont know) so they yell at max and he suddenly walks away but then they find him crying in bed, because hes overworked and feels like hes never gonna be good enough at being a driver and the readers boyfriend. And feels like he can only dissapoint the reader, his dad and cristian. But the reader comforts him. Tnx

Because I'm not good enough...

Max Verstappen x Reader

Warnings: angsty

Word count: 2 k

Requests are open :)

You were sat at the dining room table, staring out at the empty seat in front of you. Your arms crossed across your chest and your lip in between your teeth. You had been sat there for an hour - in the grand scheme of things an hour didn’t seem like such a long time but it was his final warning and an hour was just long enough to allow for your anger to boil over.

Dinner was in the fridge - the same dinner you had cooked an hour ago, your phone lay screen up on the table - the same phone you used to call Max two hours and a half hours ago, he told you he was on his way home. Home whilst you were in the UK was 25 minutes away from the Redbull HQ. This was becoming a regular occurrence, some nights he would come home so late that you had already taken yourself to bed. The atmosphere in the house seemed to freeze over whenever he was around even though you were yet to come out of summer, there was something hanging over the pair of you - unspoken feelings and as of now a red hot anger that threatened to escape from your usually composed nature.

Ever since the championship had taken a turn in the favour of Redbull, Max had started to become much more distant. It started off with him not inviting you along to the races, leaving on the Wednesday before race weekend and sometimes not seeing him until the following Tuesday and that was on a stand alone race weekend. On the triple headers, it could be nearing two weeks until you two were spared 5 minutes alone and even then it was a brief conversation before he rushed back to the factory or to train.

You thought you knew what you signed up for and since yours and Max’s relationship and that was three years ago so you thought you had seen it all - been through it all with him, witnessed every high and every low. This was a new territory and you knew that if it wasn’t tackled soon -

The click of the door lock echoed in the hallway, you straightened in your seat - eyes locked ahead of you and your knee bouncing.

Max sighed loudly and wiped his hand over his face, it had been a long day - he had been at the factory up until Christian had invited him out to lunch, it was nice to catch up with his boss and Max felt like he owed the man so much; guiding him through the years that had led up to the moment they found themselves in. Max felt like over the past years he had matured as a person, sometimes still short tempered but being an F1 driver it wasn’t necessarily a bad trait. After his lunch with Christian, his dad had called him - the less said about the conversation the better. By the time you had called, the last thing he wanted to do was come home and risk upsetting you. He had taken himself on a run - to clear his head and focus on what he was going to say to you because he felt like something definitely needed to be said.

He also owed a lot to you, you had put up with so much over the years and standing by his side even when he had made a mistake - although you were very quick to tell him when he was in the wrong. You seemed to be on his level, a blunt and forward look at life - there was no time for dawdling about when you had things to be done. Life was short and there was no time to waste.

Recently however, he was putting so much pressure and stress on himself about work that the hours slipped away from him and so did the time spent with you. He felt the atmosphere change around the pair of you - as though he was always walking on thin ice, the cracks beginning to show. The guilt he felt was nothing like he had ever felt before, all he wanted to do was talk to you but he was scared of pushing you away - which is ironic because not talking and letting the pent up anger build up was having the same effect. He was never that good when it came to talking about how he felt - as much as he wanted to he felt as though he would be a burden and that he would put too much pressure on you. He could never tell you what he really felt like inside. It was embarrassing, he knew that a professional athlete should never feel what he felt. It weakened him and having weaknesses in a sport like Formula 1 was not an option.

Max shrugged his coat off and walked through to the main room of the apartment - the room where you were sat waiting to pounce as though he was your unsuspecting prey.

He offered a tired smile, in response he got a sneer. Swallowing hard, you felt the anger take over, like some monster escaping from a cage.

“I have been sitting here for an hour, Max -” You shot to your feet, pointing at the table, your voice cracked slightly. “For months, you’ve been leaving me - it’s me who’s been cooking for us both, cleaning, washing - everything, Max. By myself.” You were shouting now, your heart threatening to break free from your chest. Max just stood there, a blank expression on his face - his gaze fixed to the ground. “I don’t understand what went wrong, Max. We were happy, hell, we spoke to each other. Now, I’m alone. In fact, I may as well be alone if this doesn’t change.” The words had fallen out of your mouth before you had any time to consider them - or the consequences. Your eyes went round with shock and you fell back to your seat. A loud silence filled the room.

Max, too, had not expected the words that had initiated the silence. He opened his mouth, eyes still on the ground, then closed it again before raising his head and looking you dead in the eye.

“You don’t mean that.” He managed to mutter, barely being able to raise his voice any louder. He felt a tired emptiness, this was the last thing he had wanted to happen.

“That’s all you have to say to me.” You rounded on him again, angry tears threatening to fall from your eyes.

“No - I -” He stuttered, then closed his eyes, inhaling slowly, “I just don’t think we should talk things through whilst you’re angry -” He saw you about to interject, when he raised his hands. “You have every right to be. That’s not what I’m saying. I think we should wait to talk about it so we don’t say things we are going to regret later.” Max could feel his throat constricting, he was battling to keep his emotions at bay.

You sniffed and nodded slowly, placing your head in your hands - hot tears escaping and shoulders tensed.

Max swallowed thickly, his eyes swimming with tears. He made a move and after no interruption left the room. He had only made it to the stairs before he collapsed, the fatigue getting the better of him. He was such an idiot, a fact he was certainly aware of now, how could he have let things get this bad. Did that make him a selfish person?

He couldn’t hold it in any longer, a harsh sob escaping from his mouth - fingers shaking and his head a loud mess.

As soon as Max had left the room, you had gotten up to get some water - when you paused, a sound catching your attention - a deep sounding sob. You waited, a line appeared between your brows. Slowly and carefully, you inched towards the door - waiting with baited breath for the sound again.

It was coming from the stairs and there was only one person it could be. Regret instantly pooled in the pit of your stomach, you hadn’t meant for him to cry. You were just so angry and he needed to know that.

“Max.” You called out softly, unsurprisingly there was no response. You went in the direction of the stairs and hunched over in front of you was your boyfriend - attempting to stifle his sobs. You rushed forwards, placing your arms around his shoulders and pulled his body into yours. Instinctively he wrapped his arms around your waist. You kissed the top of his head, stroking his hair as he continued to cry - you allowed him to empty his emotions out; some tears of your own betraying you entirely.

“I’m sorry, I really am.” Came a muffled voice. Pausing, you released your hold of him and placed your hands either side of his face - offering him a watery smile. Then, using your sleeves you wiped his tears away - he watched your every move, waiting for you to say something. When you didn’t, he braced himself - lips trembling; he knew it was now or never. He had to tell you how he really felt.

“I’m not good enough.” He stated simply, his eyes glossy. Your forehead furrowed. “I’m never going to be good enough to take the championship, I’m going to let everyone down. Everyone that has ever believed in me - it doesn’t matter what I do, how much work I put in - I’m never good enough. And you -” He paused, meeting your gaze, a lump forming in the back of your throat. “I keep letting you down, time and time again. I was the one who caused this, I’m never going to be good enough for you.”

“If you believe that -” You began, kissing the newly formed tears away, “Then I will eat your race shoe.” You moved to sit next to him on the stairs, pulling him into your side. “Why didn’t you tell me that’s how you felt.”

You felt Max shrug, the side of his head resting on yours. “I didn’t want to burden you with all of my problems, you already put up with so much.”

“I will always have time for you, Max.” Grasping his hand in yours, “You are enough, you are more than enough. You are Max Verstappen, the fastest, strongest guy I know.” You chuckled lightly, “I know it may sometimes feel like that and that’s ok. You are putting yourself through so much - maybe, it’s time to give some consideration for your personal life. It’s unhealthy to work all of the time - then we run into issues like these.” You spoke softly, almost whispering but you could tell he was hanging onto every word you spoke. “I love you, Max. I don’t know what I would do without you.” You admitted, turning your head to look at him. He chewed on his bottom lip, processing your words.

“I love you too, more than anything.” He murmured, placing his forehead on yours. You lifted your head slightly to leave a soft kiss on his nose, earning the corners of his lips to quirk up.

Closing your eyes, you relished being in his arms again, to have him close to you. You had missed it. You had missed him. Both of you knew you had a lot to work through, that it wouldn’t simply disappear but both of you were going to do it together. Hand in hand. And that was more than enough.

[monachopsis-11]

After another lovely weekend of struggling with chores and arguing with my dad about it my little sister offered to switch with me. I’ve always kind of been her protector and I tried really hard to protect her before the divorce and now I can’t do that anymore which hurts so much after I spent my childhood sacrificing my feelings so she’d never have to feel alone how I did. But today she was my little guardian Angel and I’m so grateful even though it hurts my dad couldn’t just make the one accommodation I actually asked for.

On the less bright side my dad told me to just live with my mom, I’m trying to take care of myself and stop feeling responsible for their feelings for the first time in my life and do something that’s healthy for me and that hurt. He’s hurt and lashing out like a child but can he not see how ridiculous it is that he’d rather not see me anymore than accommodate me in one tiny way?

After this we went to the store and bought some snacks and socks- just stuff like that and it went better but he had a conversation with my sister later and just feel about and was silent and grouchy all night.

Then I heard him screaming in his bedroom about how “everyone fucking hates him even though he tries so hard and he’s doing his fucking best!” He has to know that the door isn’t sound proof but thank god my sister said she didn’t hear what he said and I think she was telling the truth. I’m just so confused, no one said anything about hating him, I asked for one small accommodation and told him I wasn’t happy with the decisions I’d already told him I wasn’t okay with before he made them (a fact he claims to have forgotten???)

I feel so awful because hyper empathy sucks like that and I don’t understand. He’s a good person and he loves us and works harder than anyone I’ve ever met but he uses those things to justify every bad decision he makes before running to his girlfriend and spilling all my deepest secrets like I didn’t talk to him about something difficult in confidence and she backs up his toxic beliefs.

To be honest I think she’s influencing him, telling him everything he’s doing is right and perfect and we’re just kids who need to adjust? I have no idea if it’s on purpose but he and my mom also have much more severe issues since she came into the picture and she just seems like the nicest person ever but I saw some texts between her and my mom on accident and she was awful.

I think she just lets people walk all over her and then redirects or represses that anger until it leaks out onto something else and I have no idea if its genuine because I’ve seen so this weird side of her.

And my moms hurting and my dad is angry and my sister has had to grow up after being the youngest minded person I’ve met and now she’s hurting and angry and she doesn’t know why.

I have no idea how this keeps falling on my shoulders and I’m exhausted.

Sorry for the long post I really just needed to rant, if anyone actually reads this I’m desperate for advice.

[winter-soldier-vibes]

just a wittle request, could you do something where bucky comforts the reader who has mommy issues after she has a panic attack over the thought of turning out like her mother?

Hi there, sorry this took so long! I still haven’t processed my own so I had to take a few breaks. I apologize if this is off the path of what you meant, I’m going off of my own experience but I know it’s different for everyone.

You're nothing like her.

Bucky x reader

Word count: 3219

Warnings: mommy issues, toxic childhood, talk of divorce, panic attack/anxiety, negative self-talk

A/N: This takes place in a timeline where Bucky is retired

-------------

You did everything you could to avoid it. To avoid her

You left home as soon as you could. When you were in college you were surrounded by people who were homesick, people who wanted to go home, people who finally had to take care of themselves. Things you couldn’t relate to.

You had been supporting yourself most of your life. Not that you had much of a choice. Your dad left when you were younger, your mother blaming it on you. If you had been better, maybe he wouldn’t have left. You, being young, believed her. What else were you supposed to do, growing up in a world that preaches ‘mother knows best’?

Load of bullshit to you.

You knew better now, being an adult, that she didn’t know best. She worked or went out with friends and left you to raise yourself, telling you it was your fault when she neglected her responsibilities. And when you would get upset she would play the victim, crying ‘woe is me’ because you were so ungrateful to the person who raised you after you drove her husband out.

“You know it’s your fault right?” she had snapped at you one night at dinner. There was a graded paper, a B written on the top of it.

“What?”

“You’re the reason he left me. He just couldn’t stand you. You’re the reason why he left and why I’m so miserable now.”

You had felt tears in your eyes.

“Tears, really? Tears aren't going to change the fact that MY husband LEFT.”

Her husband, not your father.

No, you knew better now to know that what she had done and said was wrong. But that didn’t make you forget. It didn’t make it any easier for you.

You went to college, saved up as much as you could, and gave tight-lipped smiles when people asked why you didn’t go home on weekends or vacations. You tried not to talk about her much, but that didn’t stop you from thinking about her.

You had stood at your college graduation, caps thrown and loud laughs and cheers echoing around. There were a bunch of people celebrating around you, taking photos, but you had stood on the outskirts. You had a small smile on your face for everyone else, but you couldn’t help but feel empty inside. You hadn’t made many friends, not close friends, but that was a good thing. You could take the photo so no one was left out.

Not so much of a text from her. She hadn’t come, she hadn’t called or anything.

In a twisted way, you were glad that she hadn’t. She couldn’t make a big deal about how you weren’t the top of your class or how you didn’t deserve to be. How you didn’t have a job set up to start the next week even though you already were planning on submitting your resumes. There wasn’t a way to please her, so it was almost better that she wasn’t there.

You had texted her after a few days and she made up some bullshit excuse that she had forgotten to put it on the calendar.

She liked your Instagram photo though. So thoughtful

You worried you would turn out the same way. Or that she had rubbed off on you in some way. You kept to yourself as much as you could, staying in, keeping your emotions to yourself. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust people, maybe it was, but more so you were worried that you would seem like you were playing the victim.

You didn’t want to bother anyone or make anyone feel obligated to listen to you. You worried that behind your back they would complain about you being emotional or making everything about you.

You worried they would talk about you the same way you thought about your mother.

People are supposed to look to their parents to teach them what to be, yet you found yourself wanting to avoid everything your parents did to you. They taught you exactly who you didn’t want to be.

Your father left. Your mother hated you.

You didn’t share your opinions because you didn’t want to be told you were wrong. You didn’t want to force your ideas onto anyone. Not like what you said would make a difference anyway, not that it mattered in the first place.

You remembered all of the sentences you would start but not finish because no one had heard you. Trying to jump in a few times and eventually giving up when the conversation had moved onto a new subject. All the times people would interrupt or interject, making you feel like you didn’t have something to say that was worth hearing.

You thought it would get better when you got a job. But the pressure you put on yourself to do well in school was transferred to the job you had gotten. You still were afraid that people saw yourself as your mom used to and that you would never be good enough for anyone. You thought that achievements would make you feel fulfilled.

But if you didn’t believe in yourself, what were a few “job well done's” supposed to do?

It made it hard to get into a relationship. People say that “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else,” but that didn’t feel so true to you. It was more that you didn’t trust yourself to love someone else. You worried about hurting whoever you were with, and you told yourself that if you didn’t get close to anyone, you couldn’t hurt them.

But then you ran into him.

He was on a morning run and you were walking home from a night shift, both too tired to see each other coming. You because you had just finished a shift, him because he was running off the nightmare he had had the night previous. Both of you craving a sleep that seemed just out of reach.

You were very apologetic, as was he, both afraid that you had hurt the other. You avoided his eyes even though they were trained anywhere but your own, as he fiddled with his gloved hands and you scratched the back of your neck.

It was the first time either of you had seen someone as unsure as yourselves

You had parted ways with only each other's names. Bucky and y/n.

The two of you crossed paths a few times in the following weeks, eventually getting each other’s phone numbers and agreeing to meet for coffee rather than hoping the other left at the right time. Eventually, the subtle nervous tics each of you had died down as you got to know each other.

For the most part.

You still overly apologized for everything. If you were a few minutes late, if you spaced out...you took the blame for everything.

Traffic had been bad, a storm and an accident causing you to be 5 minutes late rather than 15 minutes early. You had run into the coffee shop, scanning the restaurant with wide eyes when you saw Bucky sitting there casually.

“I am so so so sorry, I should’ve left earlier, there was an accident, I’m so sorry I’m late -”

“Y/n, don’t worry about it,” he had said, a smile on his face and a slight flash of concern on his face. “Seriously, it’s a couple of minutes. It’s literally fine.”

“No, I’m really sorry, I should’ve known or called or something.”

“Relax. It’s totally fine, I promise,” he had said, concern a little more present on his face. “Are you okay though?”

“What? Yeah, I’m good. How have you been with everything?

You wouldn’t let him talk about you. The same way your mother never let you talk about yourself.

Don’t think about her.

He had started opening up to you but you still kept your personal life under lock and key. Your name, how work was, and your physical well-being was about as personal as you got. Even so, if work had been a shit show or you had to pull an all-nighter would go unspoken. He didn’t need the burden of your personal issues. Not when there was nothing he could do about it.

The past was the past, you just had to learn how to get over yourself.

You couldn’t change what your mother had said over a decade ago.

You worried if you talked about yourself at all then you would be making the situation about you. You worried you would project your anger or sadness onto him. He didn’t deserve that. Plus, it wasn’t like he would be able to do anything, right?

You promised yourself you wouldn’t let him get too close. That if he didn’t get close to you, you couldn’t hurt him.

But damn, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t start developing feelings for him. And from the way he had started acting, you thought maybe he was too.

The hugs that were ever so slightly too tight or when he smiled at you a little longer than normal. He had opened up to you about many things in his past, and from the way he talked about it, you could tell he hadn’t talked about it much with anyone else.

You found comfort in your friendship, the way he trusted you. You liked being there for him, and you were honored that he trusted you enough to open up to you. Yet it also made you uneasy that you would ruin it in some way or drive him out.

The same way your mom drove out your father.

Goddamn it don’t think about her.

The closer you got and the closer you and Bucky had gotten, the more nervous you were. That you would turn out like your mother. You were having a harder time keeping to yourself, keeping up the façade that everything was all bright in your world. You wanted to be a light for everyone.

But at some point, days turn to nights and the light gives way to the darkness.

And you weren’t sure how much time you had left before you cracked.

Bucky had started making small moves towards you, and you were trying your best to deflect them in efforts to not fall flat on your face for him. He came over Wednesday nights for a movie and take out with you, and what started as being on two opposite ends of the couch had moved to being next to each other to him having his arm wrapped around you. Sometimes you felt he was a little too close and you would either shift away or get up to grab another drink or ‘use the bathroom’.

When you came back you would make an attempt to sit a bit further away.

Sometimes when Bucky would say goodbye at the end of the night he would hug you. That was nothing new, you were both big on hugs, but lately, he had been hugging you longer or tighter, lingering a few moments longer than could be platonic. You had started ending the hugs earlier, giving him a small squeeze before pulling away.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to be with Bucky. It was that you were so scared that you would drive him away, leaving you as soon as you had started calling yourself his.

Which is what brought you here. Bucky had come over for another one of your movie nights and had his arm behind the couch rather than around you. An invitation for you to curl into his side, but he wanted you to make that choice. Eventually, you had found yourself curled up with him, his arm wrapped around you, and you could feel the tension.

You wanted to move away before you found yourself in too deep, but you couldn’t resist. It had been a long day and you found comfort with Bucky. Bucky turned his face slightly towards yours, kissing the side of your temple and you felt butterflies in your stomach. Your mind told you to shift away, to not let him get too close, but you found yourself turning your head towards Bucky and he leaned forward to kiss you gently.

After a moment you broke away, emotion taking over you. “I’m sorry, Bucky, I - I can’t do this,” you said, resting your forehead against his.

“Why not?” Bucky whispered, looking into your eyes.

Because I’ll hurt you.

I’ll disappoint you.

I’ll drive you away and I can’t lose the best thing that’s happened to me.

You sighed, standing up and moving away from Bucky. You couldn’t say those things to him out loud. Not without the entire story. And you weren’t ready to share all of that with him.

Bucky stood up with you, afraid he had just ruined the friendship or whatever relationship he had with you. “Y/n, wait, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

You had already left the room and couldn’t really hear him over the sound of your thoughts.

This wasn’t supposed to happen

I wasn’t supposed to let this happen

How could I be so stupid?

You were feeling tears in your eyes and Bucky followed you, afraid of what he did. Your breathing was picking up and you had started mumbling some of these things to yourself.

“Y/n, what’s happening, what did I do?”

You shook your head “You didn’t do anything, but I need you to leave, please,” you said, trying to hide your emotions. You hated being like this.

“I’m not going anywhere y/n, just tell me what’s wrong.”

“Get the fuck out of here Bucky! I don’t want your help!” you snapped suddenly, Bucky looking taken aback before your eyes widened.

“Oh god…”

You shook your head and started crying harder, stumbling over your words. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that, I didn’t mean to yell, I’m so sorry Bucky please don’t leave I'm so sorry.”

Bucky came forward and hugged you gently and you cried into his shirt. He whispered comforting words into your ear as you tried to breathe, embarrassed at how vulnerable you were being.

Bucky kept his breathing slow and even, trying to get you to match him. He had no idea what was happening but he knew he needed you to calm down before he asked. Whatever it was had to be something deep, and you weren’t in the space to talk about it right now.

He brought you over to sit on the corner of your bed, still hugging you as you cried. You were mumbling out apology after apology but Bucky wasn’t having any of it. He kept hugging you, telling you that he wasn’t going anywhere and that you were safe. He had never seen you so upset, or upset at all to begin with.

After you had calmed down a bit, Bucky asked you again what had happened. You shook your head, not knowing what to say.

“I’ve opened up about so many things to you, right?” he pulled back to look at you.

You nodded slightly.

“And you’ve never judged me for any of it.”

You shook your head this time.

“Then why can’t you let me do the same for you?”

You took a deep breath, fiddling with your hands. “I don’t wanna hurt you,” you said, not meeting his eyes.

Bucky drew his eyebrows together, still confused. “Y/n, you’ve been the nicest person I’ve ever met. How would you hurt me?”

You were already shaking your head. “No, see, that’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna be nice and sweet and...and I’m gonna fall in love with you, and you’re gonna fall in love with me. A-and then I’m gonna let you down over and over again and snap at you for things that aren’t your fault and...and you’ll get sick of it and leave and I’m going to hate myself for it, okay?”

“Hey, hey, slow down,” Bucky held your shoulders as they started shaking. You brought a hand to cover your mouth, Bucky hushing you again. “What are you talking about? Where is this coming from?”

You took a shaky breath as you ran a hand over your face. “I’m just like her, Bucky. I told myself I would never let myself be like her…”

“Like who?” Bucky asked, blood already boiling at who made you feel like this.

Her.

You weren’t supposed to think about her.

You promised yourself.

“Y/n, stay with me here,” he said, guiding your face back to look at him. “Who?”

“My mother.”

Bucky looked at you for a moment. “What?”

“You know, mothers bring you into the world. They say a mother knows when something is wrong with their kid, that babies are put on their mother’s chest because the skin-to-skin contact starts the bonding process. They’re supposed to protect you, and love you, and take care of you. But then you start to get older and it’s your fault that you were born when you didn’t ask, or your dad left and it’s your fault before you even knew he was gone. All I wanted was to be told what to do and all she would do is tell me what I did wrong. I can’t be like her and the older I get the more scared I am that I’m going to hurt everyone the way that she hurt my father and me.”

You had started crying again as Bucky looked at you, both broken-hearted and furious that someone would make you feel this way. Not to mention it was your own mother.

You took another shaky breath. “I thought the world of her when I was younger. And she barely even gave me the time of day. I keep telling myself that I’m not what she thought of me, but what if I am?” you shook your head again. “And I am so scared that I’m just like her.”

“Y/n, look at me, I need you to look at me when I say this, okay?” he cupped your face with both hands, wiping away your tears with the pads of his thumbs as he looked into your eyes. “You are nothing like your mother.”

You let out a small sob. “You don’t know her.”

“I don’t need to,” he said firmly. “You are kind and gentle. You work hard and you make sure that everyone is taken care of before you even consider yourself. You aren’t going to scare me away or hurt me.” He wiped fresh tears from your eyes. “You are your own person, your mother has no say in who you get to be. Who you are. You are not your mother, and you never will be.” he said, still holding your gaze.

You held his gaze a little longer, knowing he believed what he was saying. You didn’t, not quite yet, but maybe if he believed in you, you could too. You nodded slightly, giving him the smallest of smiles. “Thank you.”

Bucky returned the small smile. “You know I love you, right?”

“I love you too,” you said, smiling.

You meant it, and you knew he did too. And maybe one day, you would love who you’d become too.

------------

tags: @babydaddy-buckybarnes @buckys-blue-eyes @buckys2thicc @broadwaybabe18 @peggycarter-steverogers @im-sick-of-failing @barnesplums @bucks-bunny @mardema @abitgryffindorky @freigeistundanderes @thatfangirl42 @strawberrimae @sup--ernova

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[absolutepokemontrash]

ayo!! congrats on 666 <33 I'm not sure if its much of a request but I love how you wrote the demon kids personalities! I was wondering what kids of personalities you would see the other brothers kids having? Hypothetically of course (unless 👀)

BRO- I’ve actually been thinking about this for a while! Fan kids are fun to think about, what can I say? Now, these kids aren’t canon to the Awfully Familiar series, the HOL is crowded enough as is… but I hope you enjoy anyways!

(I’m giving all the kids names just so no one gets confused with which kid is whose)

Levi’s Kid

Uh let’s use probability to figure out how rare children of our snek boy are. The Otaku left the house (unlikely), spoke to a human being (very unlikely), did the devil’s tango with them (impossible)

I’m kidding, but seriously what the fuck why did this human exchange student look so much like Levi? Was that a tail? Hehehe… what a weird practical joke…

(I’m calling this MC Percy. Three guesses as to why)

Okay, onto the kiddo’s personality. I’m picturing them being REALLY hyped and REALLY enthusiastic about their hobbies and isn’t afraid to yammer about them. They’re good at what they do and they’re damn proud of it! They turn their envy into *~inspiration~* and get better at the things they enjoy doing!

In all fairness to Levi, it’s a bit easier for his kid because Percy isn’t literally being eaten alive and consumed by this sin every waking moment of his life… perks of being half human! :D

Percy loves swimming, and the ocean, and fish, and they brought a shark back from the beach- wait hang on a second-

It’s not uncommon for Levi to be hardcore gaming while Percy swims around in the fish tank.

The pair of them have a very good relationship, Percy is kind of Levi’s hero with how eager they are to get better at the things they love doing and how they almost never self pity spiral. The one issue is… ugh… Percy is a 🤢…. Sorry. Percy’s a 🤢 🤢-

They’re A FUCKING NORMIE. THEY DON’T LIKE ANIME!

Other than that, the two get along swimmingly. (Ba dum tisssss)

Percy’s reaction to Levi’s cool military titles is basically “WOAH! YOU HAVE BOATS?! CAN I GO ON ONE?!” And Levi would be a monster to decline.

Percy wore a pirate hat despite Levi telling them numerous times that they were a part of the navy, they CATCH pirates. Which are apparently still a big problem in the Devildom…

Also, Percy and Lotan absolutely adore each other. It makes Levi very happy

Satan’s Kid

Satan’s a pretty charming guy, and it’s canon that he’s amazing at seductive speech craft so it’s no surprise that he was able to seduce a human.

You know what is a surprise? The fact that Satan, the smart one, didn’t think to use protection! Like- DUDE I EXPECTED BETTER FROM YOU.

Whatever, anyway, when this kid slammed onto the floor of the assembly hall no one had time to react when the kid suddenly grew horns… and fangs… and a tail… OH FUCK THE KID WAS GOING THROUGH THEIR FIRST TRANSFORMATION WHAT THE FUCK-

(For simplicity’s sake, I’m going to call this kid Lyssa, mainly because of the meaning of the name)

The first thing Lyssa did was launch themselves straight at the first person they saw, and I ask you to guess exactly who sits in the middle seat of the assembly hall. That’s right… Satan… yay…

This kid nearly clawed his face off in the span of two seconds and it took Lucifer and Beel working together to drag them off of him and then Asmo had to step in to use his powers to calm them down. Well. That was eventful.

So Lyssa has a volcanic temper and they’re honestly really bitter and upset at everything, which is something that’s supposed to come in adult life, not so early. So what’s up with this kid? Well, when you’re born with a burning rage deep inside you that can be set off at even the slightest inconvenience and because of that everyone around you immediately assumes you’re dangerous or crazy can really do some damage to a kid.

So who oh who is Lyssa going to blame for this…? Hmmm… who is responsible for the anger? *Side eyes Satan*

“Wow, this kid is blaming me for passing down my wrath even though I couldn’t control giving it to them and if I had the choice I would have made sure they wouldn’t have to live with it and they’re mad at me for subjecting them to existence itself… wow this feels so bad :( who would treat someone like this..?” “*Dad sigh*”

The two of them do eventually get along. It’s actually Satan who extends the olive branch and offers to help them control their anger. As the two spend time together, Lyssa’s intense hatred slowly subsides.

So… what’s Lyssa going to do now? They’ve spent so much of their life being defined by their anger… who the fuck are they????? U-uh… cats! Cats! Lyssa likes cats! Is liking cats a personality? No? Okay… um… Music! Music is relaxing! Lyssa likes music! Um… um… ooo- look at that! They like space! And stars!

You knew what they don’t like? School. Lyssa doesn’t like learning in a controlled environment where they’re being told what to learn. Leave them alone so they can go read about space.

Beelzebub’s kid(s)

*munch* *munch* *chew* *chomp* huh, *chomp* why does the takeout- I mean the human look so much like him…? They’re his kid..? *choke* *cough* *cough* …Huh. Want some chips?

Surprisingly chill first meeting. Well, Beel and the kid were chill, everyone else was freaking the fuck out.

I’m calling this kid Pepper. Why? Fucking guess.

Pepper themselves is just… chill. They’re sort of like a capybara, their vibes are just so immaculate that everyone wants to hang out around them.

Unlike Beel, Pepper’s penchant for food mainly comes from “food is good.” instead of “my body is literally eating itself alive every second of the day and I need to be eating something at almost all times in order to stave off a rampage.” Beel is very happy that his kid doesn’t have to live with food constantly on the brain.

All was well until three days into the exchange program when Pepper asked at the dinner table “so when are we bringing my twin down here?”

…twin genes man… twin genes…

Second kid, I’m calling them Cane. (CANE PEPPER, GET IT?! GET IT?!) this kid is less like a capybara and more like a honey badger. They don’t give a shit.

Here’s the thing though… they’re identical twins.

Cane is basically Beel but smaller. They follow Beel to the gym and usually get stopped at the door. “Kids aren’t allowed in the gym.” Ha, the rules don’t apply to Cane, they just cross their arms and raise their eyebrows and whoever is stopping them just steps aside. Don’t fuck with the honey badger kid.

Pepper and Cane are super close though, but don’t ask if they have a telepathic link or something, Cane will fuck you up and Pepper won’t be able to stop them. (I know a pair of identical twins, and the amount of times they’ve been asked if they can read each other’s minds is enough to make anyone homicidal)

Belphegor’s kid

*squints* how’d this happen..?

Whatever. When Belphie’s kid woke up on the floor of the assembly hall everyone took one look at this kid and collectively went “shitballs”

Belphie was in the attic and his kid was wandering around the house like they ran the place! What the fuuuuuuuuck was Lucifer supposed to do with this????

Anyway, meet Arien.

Arien, how does one describe this little hellspawn? Well, one would call them the brood of Lucifer or the spawn of Satan but that would be false because this manipulative evil devil-child that crawled straight out of a teacher’s nightmares is BELPHIE’S kid. And it fucking SHOWS.

This kid won the demon/human genetic lottery and they’re going to make it everyone’s problem. Basically, they’re sin is sloth, but unlike Belphie, Arien’s is more voluntary, if that makes sense. They sleep and slack off because they like not doing work, not because they’re always tired. They have this sort of lazy relaxed facade that vanishes the second it’s not needed, it’s honestly kind of terrifying.

They quickly learn that if they just pretend to be having troubles with being constantly tired, the rest of the house will go easy on them if they miss their chores and schoolwork.

Jeez Louise when this kid met Belphie…

They both just stared at each other for a solid five minutes before anyone said anything. Belphie somewhat nervously started up his “oh woe is me get me out of here :(“ charade, and the kid played along for a few weeks, until of course, they got suspicious.

You remember how Belphie guilt spiralled with L!MC? Yeah imagine that but 40 times worse, and he hadn’t even done anything yet.

But yeah, blah blah blah Arien breaks Belphie out, they don’t die, family’s back together, happily ever after. But not quite. Arien’s “oh no I’m sorry I’m sleepy…” charade was found out and boy howdy was everyone pissed.

Surprisingly, it was Belphie who gave Arien the wake up thwack, but Arien called Belphie out on his laziness so Belphie was forced to become a better example.

The way they fixed Ari’s behaviour? Extra chores, extra schoolwork, extra everything, and the boys did nothing to help. Basically, “this is how we felt! Deal with it!”

It worked… thankfully.

[skiller0dani]

Intoxicated | Klaus Hargreeves

M A S T E R L I S T TUA Masterlist

smut | teen!klaus x teen!reader requests info w.c | 8.9k summary | you fell in love with klaus when you were teenagers. but after he continues to relapse, you lose faith that he will get clean. when you see him again as an adult, has anything changed?

The first time you properly met Klaus you were both around 17, and he was slumped against the wall of an alleyway. His face was bare of facial hair, and he looked far too boyish for a needle to be still in his arm. You were only out looking for him as a favor to Allison, whom you’d known since you were both children. You never paid much attention to Klaus, or any of her other siblings but after hours of incessant begging you’d finally agreed to go look for him. You still remembered her frantic voice over the phone.

“Please? If my Dad notices Klaus is gone he’ll lock him up in the Mausoleum to dry him out.”

You might not care much for Klaus or his drug habit, but you couldn’t just let Mr. Hargreeves lock him up so that ghosts can torment him while he sobers up. You know Allison is just protecting him, but you can tell even she is starting to lose faith in Klaus. It’s honestly sort of heartbreaking. But hopefully if you get him back in time, maybe you can get him sober enough to fool Mr. Hargreeves into thinking Klaus finally cleaned up.

“Klaus!” You rush to him immediately, carefully pulling the needle out of his arm. You tuck it into your bag so that Grace can help you and Allison figure out what Klaus took. You trust that Grace wont tell Mr. Hargreeves, the only thing more powerful than the programming is her desire to protect her children. His eyes are barely open when he smiles at you, his pupils blown wide open. You brush his hair out of his face, his palm twitching in yours as you take his hand to pull him to stand.

“Can you stand?” You ask him, watching as his arm limply falls from your hand.

“You’re not really here, you’ve never even looked at me twice…” Klaus mumbles through a slack jaw. That’s when his eyes roll back.

“Klaus?” You gently slap his cheeks, trying to get his attention. You sigh deeply, worried when you see his eyes roll again behind closed eyelids. Is he seizing? His body jerks once before sliding further down the wall. You know you can’t leave him here, but you also know that you need Luther to come get Klaus, you can’t move him.

“Please don’t move, I’ll be right back.” You say hurriedly, cupping his cheeks to force him to look at you. Klaus grunts in what you can only hope is an acknowledgement that he heard you before you’re standing and sprinting for the Academy. By the time you’d reached your destination and had delivered your convincing argument to Luther, it’d been 45 minutes. You lead the way back to Klaus praying to God that he was exactly where you’d left him, but you doubt it. Sure enough, when you turned the corner into the alley, Klaus was nowhere to be seen.

“Shit!” You cursed, a panicked glint in your eyes as you helplessly turned to Luther.

“Please help me find him.” You plead, grasping desperately onto his arm. Luther has what you can only describe as a scowl on his face as he turns to you.

“I’m not doing this again.” He snapped.

“What do you mean?”

“Getting invested in Klaus’s recovery, I’m not doing it again. Letting myself believe that he could get clean only leads to more disappointment when he eventually uses again.” You can see layers of old scars in his eyes, reflections of all the times Klaus has relapsed and let his siblings down.

“Luther I get it, really I do. But right now Klaus is God knows where, and when Reginald realizes-” The mention of his father causes Luther to stiffen considerably. Deep down Luther knows that Klaus wouldn’t have substance abuse issues if he didn’t spend half his childhood locked in that damn Mausoleum being tormented by the dead.

“Let’s just find him quickly.” You nearly celebrate when Luther finally relents but you don’t, instead you immediately start searching the surrounding streets and alleys in search of your resident junkie. You doubt Klaus could go very far, he’d been in really bad shape when you saw him last. He could hardly sit up let alone walk, did he crawl?

“Found him!” You hear Luther call, and when you turn you see Luther standing with Klaus slung over his shoulder at the end of the alleyway. Klaus has the hint of a smile on his face as Luther hauls him back, and you’d almost say Klaus looks entertained. Although, it could be the hallucinations making him smile like that. By the time you’d arrived back at the Academy, the mysterious needle you’d taken from Klaus’s arm earlier had been thoroughly tested by Grace.

“It’s heroin.” Allison’s shaky voice came from the doorway of Klaus’s bedroom. You turned to look at her, watching as nothing but anger fills her eyes.

“He promised me that he’d never done any hard drugs, he promised it was just weed and painkillers! And he’s injecting heroin?” You can tell that she really is hurt, you can see the betrayal in her eyes before she’s turning out of his room.

“Allison-”

“No, I won’t watch him slowly kill himself. In 2 weeks when we finally turn 18 he’ll be gone anyway. Don’t forget to invite me to his funeral.” She snaps, wiping her eyes before slamming his door shut. It was then that you’d decided not to give up on him, because the second everyone lost faith in him was the second they signed his death certificate. Loving an addict is harder than you would think, but you were willing to be Klaus’s person, so long as he was dedicated to getting better. If Klaus gives up on himself, then there’s no point. So you sat on the edge of his bed and used a rag to wipe away dried vomit on his face and neck, plus you dabbed at a closing gash on his head which was still bleeding a little.

“Y/N?” You hear him mumble, and when you look up at him again you see his eyes have cracked open. You brush his hair off his forehead, and the look in his eyes has your entire body heating up. It’s not a particularly provocative look, more of a hungry curiosity. There was still gentleness there, and a sincerity beneath it all. All his siblings have given up on him at this point, and deep down you think Klaus knows that. They’ve reached the point that the next time Klaus goes missing, they won’t look for him or even worse- they won’t even realize he’s gone. The thought breaks your heart.

“Hi.” You can’t think of anything else to say. Klaus reaches one hand up to wind into your hair, a sly smile crossing onto his face.

“Can’t say I remember the last time we properly spent quality time together.” He raises one brow, his hazel eyes twinkling mischievously.

“That’s because we never have.”

“What a shame.” The smug smile on his face makes your cheeks heat up embarrassingly. You feel all mushy in his presence.

“You have to get clean before Reginald gets home tomorrow.”

“Oh wouldn’t want to disappoint daddy dearest.” You can practically taste the sarcasm in his tone, but still he keeps that damn smile stretched across his face.

“He’ll lock you away if he finds out, stop pretending like this isn’t a big deal.” You sigh, standing to find him clean clothes. Klaus pushes himself onto his elbows, his head is swimming. The nausea twisting his gut is hard to ignore, but watching you bend over in those tight jeans has him ignoring the discomfort. He wouldn’t miss the show for anything.

“Enjoying yourself?” You ask him once you notice him staring. You use snarky comments to hide how flushed you are, how flustered you are from the heat in his gaze.

“Enjoying the view.” Is all Klaus says, and you know he can see how red your cheeks are. You shake your head as you toss clean clothes at him, quickly diverting your eyes when he begins to undress with you still in the room.

“Jesus, warn me next time!” You squeak as you turn your eyes to the ground when he tosses his dirty pair of tight jeans at you along with his shirt. You hear the zipper of his tight black jeans pull up and that’s when you decide it’s safe to look. When you eye him again, he’s sitting up on the bed pulling his shirt on over his head.

“What’s the fun in that?” Despite his snarky comebacks and the smirk on his face, you can tell he doesn’t feel good at all. There are bags under his eyes and he winces every time he moves. You place a hand on his shoulder when he tries to stand, a look he can’t quite read on your face.

“I’m gonna make you something to eat, please don’t go anywhere.” The genuine fear in your eyes as you look down at him has Klaus rooted to the bed. Suddenly a fear of letting you down cripples him then, and he can only manage a nod before you’re leaving the room.

//

The first time you saw Klaus overdosing you had come home from work early. It was a few months since you and Luther found him in that alleyway, and he’d made no attempts to clean up. Of course you thought he was clean and attending meetings. Klaus knew you’d be heartbroken if you knew the truth, and he was borderline worried you’d kick him out if you knew he spent most of the day high. If he knew that you’d fallen head over heels for him, he wouldn’t be worried about being kicked out. Klaus was clean the first week he moved in with you, but then came the ghosts. Their voices echoing in his head, their bloodied and battered bodies plaguing his every waking moment. He had clamped his hands over his ears to try and block them out, and he actually endured the tortuous voices for 17 hours before he gave in and popped some oxy.

“Klaus I’m back-'' Before you could finish whatever you were saying you spotted him lying unconscious on the living room floor. You dropped a glass platter and everything felt like it was happening in slow motion. You immediately scrambled towards him as the glass shattered everywhere. Your hands cupped his cheeks as tears filled your eyes, and you could not stop shaking.

“K-Klaus?” You gasped, shaking his shoulders to no avail. His body was practically lifeless, and his skin was almost gray and colorless. You lifted his wrist to check his pulse, and nearly burst into tears of relief when you felt a pulse but it was fading fast.

“Damnit Klaus!” You sobbed to yourself, leaning down to see if he was breathing. You held your breath, and prayed you would hear his faint breath. When you didn’t, it felt like you had been plunged into cold water. The panic struck you deep in your chest and you quickly sat up to perform CPR. You tilted his head back as the tears flowed down your cheeks, and you quickly started compressions. You reached into your pocket to press the stupid little life alert button you’d purchased when Klaus moved in. In moments like this you knew you needed a quick way to call an ambulance. You listened for his breathing once more, and cried softly when you still didn’t hear any breathing.

“Klaus please, please.” You didn’t know what you were pleading for, but you were so desperate for him to be okay that you couldn’t think straight. You continued compressions and then breathing into his mouth for 10 minutes before the emergency services arrived. They nearly had to pry you off him before shoving a breathing tube down his throat, and injecting him with something in a syringe. You’d climbed into the ambulance next to Klaus, his hand held tightly in yours. He looked lifeless in the hospital room, his eyes were closed and there were tubes sticking out of him. The steady beeping from the monitor was your only clue that his heart was still beating. You called his siblings, but after 5 hours you figured they weren’t going to come, you doubt they’d even listen to the message. Underneath the fear there’s anger, so much anger. How could he do this to you? He lied to you. He said he was clean! Did he ever attend a meeting or was that just a lie to go get more weed and pills?

“Hey you.” You hear his raspy voice from beside you. Once he started breathing on his own again they replaced the breathing tube for oxygen in his nose. The doctors said they would need to keep him here until he completely detoxed. There are tears welling in your eyes and you refuse to meet his eyes, you’re upset and he knows that.

“Baby I’m sorry.” Klaus tries, his hand reaching out for yours. You keep your arms folded as a tear finally falls down your cheek. Klaus hates seeing you cry and he hates even more that he is the reason you’re crying. You weren’t entirely surprised to hear him call you baby, you and Klaus have gotten close during the time he’s been living with you.

“Please look at me.” Klaus begs, a break in his voice that lets you know he has tears in his eyes. You lifted your gaze to meet his, and you see how sick he looks. His skin is gray, his eyes are sunken in and they have bags under them.

“How could you? You lied to me.” Your voice is soft, broken. This is the first time Klaus has truly let you down and you can’t help but wonder if this is how his siblings have felt every time he’s let them down. You see guilt flash in his eyes, the look in your eyes is worse than any other look Klaus has received from his brothers and sisters.

“What if I didn’t get off work early? Then you’d be dead Klaus!” You sobbed, tears wracking your body.

“Baby I swear when I get out I’ll get it together. I-I’ll clean up I promise.” A stray tear falls down his cheek and Klaus quickly reaches up to wipe it away. His hands are trembling when they reach for yours again but you still don’t budge.

“No Klaus, you’re going into fucking rehab. I can’t live with the constant fear of coming home and finding you dead. I love you too much to lose you.” The last part slips out by accident, but you can’t take it back. Klaus’s eyes widen as another tear trails down his cheek, and this time he doesn’t wipe it away.

“You love me?” How could he not know? You laugh bitterly as tears continue to cascade down your cheeks.

“Yes I do, and if you give even half a damn about me you’ll check into rehab.” You beg, your watery eyes finding his. Klaus lays his head back, his own teary eyes looking up to the ceiling before they close and he takes a deep breath.

“I love you so fucking much, so I’ll do it. For you.” Klaus finally whispers, reaching for you one last time and this time, you take his hand.

//

“Please tell me you’re going to take this seriously. Please? I-I can’t lose you.” You beg a few days later once Klaus was finally cleared to leave the hospital, but he would be going right to rehab. The doctors had him sign a document agreeing to be taken straight to an intensive rehab program as soon as he was released from the hospital. Klaus in all honesty was a tad bit put off by the idea of going into rehab, and was downright terrified of having to deal with the voices. Luckily he had Ben with him to help keep him sane while he was in rehab. Klaus really does love you, and he really does want to give sobriety a shot- but only for you.

“I promise, I already said I was really going to try.” Klaus sighed, turning his gaze down to look at you.

“You have no idea what that was like for me Klaus. Coming home to your lifeless body, I-I thought you were fucking dead.” You snapped, looking away from him as tears build in your eyes again. You’re so sick of crying. You feel his fingers grasping your chin, turning your head to look at him.

“I’m not dead baby, I’m here. I’m gonna get clean, and I’m gonna stay clean. I promise.” Klaus whispered before pressing his lips against yours. What you didn’t know then was that Klaus would be making that promise a hundred more times, and he’d be breaking it a hundred times. Deep down he didn’t want to get clean, he didn’t care enough about himself to try. The dead were too overwhelming, too scary, too much. Klaus couldn’t handle it, he didn’t want to. What he wanted was to be completely numb. The kiss was watery, but you pressed against him with such ferocity you almost took him by surprise.

“Mr. Hargreeves? The van is here.” A nurse says, clearing her throat awkwardly from the door. Klaus breaks the kiss first, his forehead pressed against yours. You can’t stop the tears as they trail down your cheeks. You sling his bag over your shoulder as the two of you head outside together. You see a man in scrubs take Klaus’s bag as other patients from the hospital pile into the van.

“I’ll only be gone for 3 months. Be back in a flash.” Klaus smiles, but the mischievousness doesn’t quite meet his eyes.

“I love you.” You whisper as he presses a kiss to your forehead.

“I love you.” Is the last thing you hear him whisper before he’s climbing into the van.

//

Klaus’s sobriety didn’t last long after rehab. Sure he’d attended all the group therapy sessions, and the annual detox therapy, he saw his therapist and followed the steps. He’d gone through the entire agonizing process of detoxing from the drugs. He wanted to be better, but then the voices came once more. Wailing in his ear about how desperately they wished to be alive, all the horrible details of their death, all the people they left behind. Ben tried to talk Klaus through it, to help him embrace his powers rather than reject them. But when Klaus sat straight up in bed, your sleeping body next to him and a thousand desperate voices screaming in his head he couldn’t take anymore.

“Don’t do this.” Ben pleaded, although he sounded defeated more than desperate. But Klaus’s shaking hands were already reaching for the closest pair of pants, which happened to be one of your skirts. Klaus was way more than itching for a fix, he was downright clawing for one. His eyes were wild as he stood up slowly, careful not to wake you up.

“She trusts you Klaus.” Ben tries again, he’s begun resorting to guilt tripping to keep Klaus sober. For the last few days it’s seemed to work, but Ben doubts it’s going to work now. Klaus is too far gone. “That isn’t going to last forever, eventually she will give up on you.”

“Shut up.” Klaus hisses, pulling sneakers on before turning for the door of the apartment. Ben appears in the doorway of the staircase, and Klaus raises a brow.

“Save whatever speech you have planned, I need it now.” Klaus says desperately, walking down the stairs- through Ben.

“Screw you Klaus, you’re taking advantage of her!” Ben snaps, you may not know Ben is around but he’s gotten to know you. He cares about you, in a sisterly way, and he hates seeing Klaus take your love and throw it away.

“Shut the hell up Ben.” There is genuine anger in Klaus’s tone now, his fists clenched as he continued towards where his normal dealer hangs out. Ben doesn’t particularly like hurting Klaus, but dammit someone has to stop him from destroying his own life.

“If you really cared about Y/N, you’d turn around and go home. She’s still laying in bed, thinking you’re next to her. How amazing is it that she wants you to be next to her, and you don’t seem to care at all. If I was alive, I’d love her right.” Ben yells, and this causes Klaus to freeze.

“Like hell you could! Y/N only wants me.” Klaus insists, but Ben can see the insecurity swirling in his eyes.

“For how long? When she realizes you relapsed again she isn’t going to want anything to do with you. Or you could go home Klaus, and put her first for once.” Ben says, his voice calmer this time. Tears well in Klaus’s eyes, he loves you more than anything on this whole planet.

“I’m sorry, I need it.” Klaus whispers before turning down the alley to see his dealer. This time, Ben doesn’t follow him. He can’t watch Klaus overdose again, he can’t watch him throw you away for drugs.

//

The first time you have sex with Klaus, he was high. You don’t know that, and Klaus knows exactly how you’d react if you did. It was a month since Klaus had gotten out of rehab, and you believed it also signaled a month of sobriety for him. In reality, Klaus hadn’t even made it a week before he relapsed after rehab. You wanted to celebrate with him, to do something nice for him. Ben watched you light candles while Klaus took a “nap”. It made him sick to see you do so many nice things for Klaus, while Klaus was really shooting up in your shared bathroom. You’re out here setting up something nice to celebrate Klaus’s sobriety, and he’s injecting heroin into his veins. It truly does make Ben sick. You lit the last candle, and when you reached up to remove your robe and reveal your lingerie- Ben disappeared. He isn't a pervert, he knew where this was going.

“Klaus?” You called nervously, smoothing your babydoll lace as you sat on the bed. You knew you wanted this, you were just nervous. When he emerged from the bathroom, his eyes widened as they landed on your nearly exposed breasts. He’d never seen you so naked before. Klaus swallowed a thick lump in his throat, and suddenly everything felt hotter, and tighter.

“Hey.” Is all he can say before an easy smile makes its way across his face.

“I just wanted to congratulate you on 1 month of sobriety.” You say softly with a smile, and then all the happiness drains away. Klaus feels sick to his stomach as guilt nearly brings him to his knees. You believe in him, and he’s pissing it all away. He wished he was stronger, but he isn’t. Klaus is weak and he isn’t worth it, and soon you’re going to realize that.

“You didn’t have to do this.” Klaus whispers and you shrug with a nervous smile on your face.

“You don’t like it?” You ask, your eyes widening. You’re really putting yourself out there and you can only hope he likes this. Klaus takes a step forward, his hands landing on your hips.

“No baby I do! I love this.” Klaus reassures you, and you feel your cheeks heat up when you see his eyes go wandering down your body. HIs lips lower to yours then and you feel like you’re up in the clouds. Klaus feels his heart breaking with every tender movement, every gentle brush of your fingers through his hair. It’s all he can do but to grab you and press you against his body with a bruising force. The desperation in his movements is what catches you off guard, his hands are hauling your thighs up around his waist. Normally Klaus isn’t this assertive in the bedroom, but he needs to feel your skin against his. He needs to know you’re here with him, because soon you won’t be. He knows that.

It’s not long before you’re undressed and your legs are spread open for him, and Klaus has no idea what he ever did to deserve you. Deep down he knows he doesn’t, you deserve someone like Ben. Maybe that’s why what Ben said really struck a nerve, because deep down Klaus knows if Ben were alive- you’d choose him. You’d never choose Klaus if he were being compared to Ben. Klaus grasps his cock in his hand before guiding the head into your tight opening, and when he pushes into you- it feels like absolute heaven. But there’s only one thought on Klaus’s mind, I don’t deserve this.

//

The second time you see Klaus overdose, it’s the morning after the best night of your life. It’s the morning after you sleep with him, the morning after you feel truly connected to him like you’re one. You stretched with a yawn, a smile on your face as your hand reaches over to where Klaus is sleeping next to you. When your hand finds cold sheets your eyes blink open, he’s already awake?

“Klaus?” You call softly, waiting for a response. When you don’t get one you finally drag yourself out of bed, you enter the living room. Again no sign of Klaus whatsoever. Panic creeps into your chest then, he’s just out getting coffee or something to surprise you. You bite nervously at your nails before you turn back to your room to push into the bathroom. The sight before you draws a gasp from you. Klaus is slumped against the wall, his arm still on the toilet with the tourniquet around his arm. The needle is on the lid of the toilet next to his arm, and you immediately rush towards him.

“What have you done?” You whisper desperately, reaching for the life alert you have in the bathroom. You have one in every room in your apartment, which at the time felt like overkill but now looking back on it you’re happy you did. You pull Klaus to lay on his back, yanking the tourniquet off his arm. You try to feel for a pulse, and much to your horror you don’t feel a pulse. You frantically press your ear to his chest, his heart isn’t beating.

“Oh my God Klaus!” You nearly scream in horror, balling your fist up and slamming it down on his chest as hard as you can. You continue to do this, tears cascading down your cheeks. He’s dead, his heart isn’t beating.

“Klaus, why? You said you were sober!” You scream in pure emotional agony. You hardly notice when the paramedics arrive until they pull you away from him.

“H-his heart isn’t beating. Please help him.” You beg as they rush him out of the apartment, but this time...you don’t go with him. You’ve finally reached the point all of Klaus’s siblings reached, the point where you just can’t take being let down anymore. You believe in him, you feel hopeful. Then you feel lower than low when you realize he relapsed again, you can’t do this anymore. You can’t take the let down anymore.

It’s a few days before you go see Klaus in the hospital, and you know what you have to do but you’re not sure you have the strength to do it. Klaus is sitting in bed, eating chocolate pudding, and this time he looks worse than last time. He glances up at you when you come in, and he has to do a double take.

“Baby-”

“Please don’t. I don’t want to hear your excuses, or your promises to get clean.” You interrupt, and it’s only just now that he notices a suitcase in your hand. There are tears endlessly falling down your cheeks, and inside you feel completely dead. Klaus knows what the suitcase is for, he knows that you’ve lost faith in him. Just like Ben predicted you would, but despite the fact that this is all Klaus’s fault...Ben still sits nearby with a look of sadness upon his face.

“What’s the suitcase for?” Klaus brings himself to ask the dreaded question even though he already knows the answer. You swallow a lump before depositing the suitcase on a chair at the end of his bed.

“That’s all your stuff. D-Don’t come back to my apartment. Don’t call. I can’t be with you like this.” You cry, watching as the broken look on your face crosses onto Klaus’s.

“Baby please don’t do this. Just give me another chance, I’ll stay clean this time-” But you’re already shaking your head, taking slow steps back towards the door.

“We’re over Klaus. I’m done. I can’t be terrified of finding your dead body, I can’t wonder where you are at night or where you’re going when you sneak out. I can’t live like this anymore, I don’t want to live like this.” You sob, your shoulders shaking as you cry softly.

“Please don’t give up on me, not you.” Klaus pleads, and the look in his eyes nearly makes you change your mind, But then you remember where he is, that he did this to himself. You shake your head.

“You’ve given me no choice Klaus! I can’t take it anymore, I can’t handle anymore heartbreak.” You snap, tears heavy on your cheeks.

“I can get my shit together, I can!” Klaus pleads as your hand finds the door handle. He can’t lose you, not you. Anybody but you.

“I know you can, but I can’t wait around wondering if you’ll get your shit together before you overdose and die. I can’t wait around hoping the latter will come first. Goodbye Klaus.” You open the door and step into the hallway.

“No, Y/N please. I love you.” You hear Klaus call before you’re closing the door behind you. Your heart shatters as you do, and continues to shatter as you walk away.

Despite what you said, he called. He called over and over again and even came to your apartment. You remember him knocking and begging you to open the door, you had slid down the wall sobbing softly with your hand over your mouth. You love Klaus more than you’ve ever loved anyone, but you can’t watch him die. You can’t. You had to let him go and hope that someday he gets clean, and that he stays clean. You hope that someday he finds something or someone to stay clean for. Clearly, you weren’t enough.

“Please open the door, I know you’re in there.” Klaus begs, leaning against the closed door.

“She’s crying. I don’t think she’s going to open the door.” Ben says, poking his head through the door to look at you. His heart breaks for you, he tried to warn Klaus this was going to happen.

“I love you Y/N, just give me one more chance please.” Klaus tries again but you stay rooted to the floor, your body shaking through the tears.

“You’re hurting her Klaus.” Ben says softly, and Klaus finally takes a step away from the door with a look of realization on his face. He is hurting you. You don’t want him here, and as much as that kills him it’s the truth. The longer he sits here in the hallway, the more you’re going to cry. He has to let you go. He quickly wipes away falling tears before slinging his bag over his shoulder. Klaus leans down to slide something under the door before heading back down the stairs, and this time he isn’t going to be coming back. You turn to see a piece of paper with a plastic bag sitting on your kitchen floor. You lift the bag, and inside it is a necklace. It’s a silver heart with diamonds along the side, but on the inside is a rose made out of rose gold. You feel tears drifting down your cheeks as you turn to the note.

“Happy 1 Year Anniversary. I love you. -K”

You collapse to the floor, clutching the necklace and the note to your chest tightly. You never thought you would lose him, actually you were stupid enough to believe you could save him from himself. But you can’t save him, you never could. No matter how much you love him, it’s time to let him go and you can only hope that the next time you see him isn’t at his funeral.

//

-9 Years Later-

The letter clutched in your hand was one you never thought you’d be receiving. It’s from Allison, saying that her father died so she’s in town. You can’t fight the excitement you feel upon realizing you’re probably going to see her soon. You missed her. The prospect of running into Klaus crosses your mind, but c’mon what are the chances he’ll even show up? His father locked him in a Mausoleum for most of his childhood, you know for a fact that Klaus has no love for Reginald. You’re surprised Allison is going, but then again Reginald always did his little “experiments” on Klaus. Never the others. Besides Vanya, he treated Klaus the absolute worst. So you seriously doubt Klaus will turn up, plus you’ll only be there for like 10 minutes to see Allison. That’s the only reason you’re standing here, knocking on the door.

“It’s been a while Miss Y/L/N.” Pogo says once the door opens. You smile upon seeing him and can’t help yourself as you stoop down to hug him tightly. You’ve really missed Pogo these last few years. But you had to forget all of this, push it to the back of your mind. Any reminder of Klaus would cause you to collapse into tears, so you couldn’t think about any of it. There were a few times you nearly asked Allison to use her powers to erase your relationship with Klaus from your head. There was a while where you felt like you couldn’t be happy without him, but overall you did fine.

“Oh my God! Y/N!” You hear her before you see her and before you’ve even properly turned around Allison’s arms are winding around you tightly. You feel tears burning the backs of your eyes as you hug her back, it’s so good to see her. When Allison pulls back, her eyes scan your face before flickering behind you.

“Where’s Klaus?” If it were a few years ago, the question would have sent you to your knees in tears. You shake your head with a smile.

“We broke up a few years ago.” The pain behind your eyes is unmistakable. Allison nods before her gaze is flickering down to the necklace secured around your neck.

“Then what’s that?” She lifts the necklace in her hand, the necklace Klaus had slid under your door.

“It’s just a necklace I don’t know what you-”

“I helped him pick it out Y/N. It was the last time I talked to him.” She said and you nod slowly. You hold the metal in your hands, you’ve been wearing it every day since he gave it to you. Clinging to it like it’s the last piece of him you have, which is sort of true. You stole a few t-shirts of his too.

“I was just about to poke around in my Dad’s office, wanna come?” The playful glint in her eyes sends away the tears that were about to spill over your cheeks. You nod instantly, that was the one room they were never allowed to go into. You skip up the stairs behind Allison, running your fingers along the bannister. You remember all the times you ran up these stairs with Allison, either running away from Reginald or Pogo. Or the times you’d gotten hurt and Grace was there to run her fingers through your hair and hold you to her chest, she really was the best mom. She was a mom to you too, your own parents are pieces of shit and the only person you ever really had was Grace.

“Wow, so weird being in here.” You say once you two breach the threshold into the office. It only takes a few seconds for you to hear someone rummaging around in the drawers. You doubt Luther could fit behind the desk without you seeing him so it’s not him, and you just saw Diego in the hallway. Vanya was downstairs last time you checked so that means…

“Klaus?” Allison says it first. Your heart is in your throat as he stands to his full height, which is a few inches taller than the last time you saw him. He has facial hair, he doesn’t look like a boy anymore. He’s really grown into himself, he’s still super skinny though. His fashion style has changed a lot since the last time you saw him. He’s almost sort of feminine now, and you’d be lying if you said he didn’t look hot as hell. His eyes light up upon seeing her, a wide smile stretched across his face. He hasn’t seen you yet, so you’re going to just sneak out. You turn and head for the door when you hear his voice.

“Y/N? That you?” You hear the happiness edging at the tone of his voice. You can’t bring yourself to turn around, you can’t look into his eyes and remember how much you’ve missed him. He’s probably still using and you can’t get sucked into his addiction again. You stay stock still, tears burning at the corner of your eyes as you see him come into your view. He uses two fingers to tilt your chin up, and when you look into his eyes- it’s all over. They’re the same hazel eyes that you remember, the same softness behind them. The tears trickle down your cheeks before you can stop them. You shove past him and out of the room just as Luther comes in, he lights up when he sees you but the look quickly falters when he sees the tears on your face. His gaze trails back to Klaus and then a look of realization finally reaches his eyes.

“You should go after her.” Ben suggests as he moves to sit on Reginald’s desk. Klaus doesn’t say anything as he empties his pockets of things he was planning to sell before Luther caught him.

“Klaus, you're like an open wound for her, fix it. I thought you loved her.” Ben snaps, and this time Klaus glares at him before storming out of the room.

“I do love her.” Klaus snaps back.

“So talk to her and stop being an idiot.” Ben says, and the anger in his eyes is unmistakable. Klaus groans, pressing the heel of his palms into his eyes.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“How about, ‘I’m sorry’?” Ben suggests sarcastically. Klaus rolls his eyes. Turning towards the railing of the stairs, Klaus spots you next to a giant window. You’re stood with your arms crossed, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t happy to see you.

“Don’t think it’s going to be enough, but I’ll try.” Klaus says softly, looking into Ben’s eyes. Tucking the ornate box he stole from the office into his pants, Klaus makes his way towards you.

“Hey you.” Is all he says, but hearing him say those words with his voice, it’s almost too much. It sends you right back to the first time you saw Klaus overdosing, it’s what he said in the hospital room when he woke up. You push a smile onto your face through the tears.

“Hey.” You wipe away a falling tear as you turn to look at him, and you see his eye fixated on your neck. Klaus reaches up to touch the necklace, there’s a smile on his face.

“You’re wearing it.”

“I never took it off, since you gave it to me.” You admit softly. Klaus looks up to meet your eyes again, and you swear he’s wearing eyeliner. Why is that so hot? Why is him dressing sort of like a woman so damn sexy?

“So, I hate this small talk but how have you been?” Klaus asks, stuffing his hands in his pockets. You casually wipe away a few tears, pretending that neither of you know why you’re crying. Even though you both know you’re crying because of him, again. What kills you the most is that everything else about him looks different enough for you to convince yourself that it’s a different person. But his eyes are the same. The same soft, puppy like eyes and every time you look into them you see the broken look on his face when you broke up with him.

“Good. I’m good, you?” You and Klaus really did detest small talk, but when it comes to you two you need to take baby steps. Maybe you can be friends but you doubt it, either way you have to take it slow. Really slow.

“I’m great.” He says with a wide smile, you nod once before turning your gaze out the window again. There’s one question poking at your head, refusing to be ignored. So you lick your lips and slowly turn to him.

“Klaus?”

“Hm?”

“Did you have anywhere to go after I...I um-”

“After you kicked me out?” You don’t expect the words to sting so much when he says them, you don’t think he intended to say it bitterly but he did. You nod.

“No I didn’t, but I figured it out.” He says with a shrug. You feel guilty as you look back out the window, and that’s when you notice him inch closer to you.

“I’ve missed you Y/N.” He says softly, turning his body to face yours. You feel tears in your eyes again, you know what he’s doing.

“Don’t.” You say softly, but his arms reach on either side of you to grasp the railing behind you- effectively trapping you in place.

“I really missed you.” Klaus says sincerely, his lips ghosting over yours. It’s too much.

“Stop! We can’t do this again Klaus.” You gasp, shoving him away from you. Klaus’s eyebrows knit together, but you know he really isn’t surprised.

“Baby I’m different now, I won’t let you down again-”

“Really? Then what’s this?” You snap as tears drift down your face. You grasp the bracelet on his wrist, the bracelet from rehab next to the one from the emergency room. You see him shrink in on himself, knowing that he had in fact been caught.

“After all these years and you’re still using, and you overdosed again? Do you know how lucky you are to be alive? Dammit Klaus, I’m not getting pulled into this bullshit again. I can’t.” You yell, crying uncontrollably now.

“But I still love you, I’m so fucking in love with you.” Klaus pleads and you know he means it. The annoying part is that you love him too, there’s never going to be a time in your life that you’re not in love with Klaus. You shake your head, you really wished you could control your damn emotions. You turn to storm down the stairs when you feel his fingers gently close around your wrist.

“I know you love me, you wouldn’t wear that necklace if you didn’t.” Klaus says desperately, a look in his eyes you can’t quite place.

“Please Y/N, just kiss me. One more time, please.” Klaus pleads, and you close your eyes as you release a heavy breath. You grasp onto his shirt tightly before pulling his lips down to meet yours. Klaus sighs happily against your lips as his hands grasp tightly at your own shirt, pulling you as close to his body as you can get. Your lips move against each other, and you can already feel the heat rising. You moan against him when his hand slips between your legs on the outside of your jeans. You pull away from him as he presses his palm against your core.

“W-We can’t do this Klaus.” You gasp, your head tilting back as he grinds his hardening cock against you. He winds his arms around your waist, his lips finding the sweet spot just under your ear. You mewl softly, your hands grasping his shoulders tightly.

“Sure we can, you don’t want a relationship- fine. Doesn’t mean we can’t have a physical relationship.” He whispers, biting at your neck in a way that makes you feel like you’re melting. You sigh softly as his hand slides under your shirt and up your back.

“C’mon baby, let me make you feel good. Use me to get off. Please.” His filthy words send another wave of arousal through you. You look into his eyes and when you see the heat simmering in them, you know you can’t say no.

“God please make me cum Klaus.” You plead hoarsely, and his lips press against yours again. He hauls your legs around his waist as he takes a back hallway to his bedroom. He presses you against the wall outside of his bedroom, grinding his cock up against your core. His lips trail kisses from the corner of your mouth, all the way down the column of your throat. Your head tilts back and hits the wall, your entire body buzzing.

“Just please tell me, are you high right now?” You gasp, his hand toying with the button of your jeans. Klaus hums in thought.

“A little.” He admits, and it definitely bothers you, but you need to cum so damn badly that you don’t care too much. Klaus kicks the door shut behind him before dropping you onto the bed, his hands yanking your shirt over your head.

“Wait, is this my shirt?” He asks, lifting the fabric to inspect it.

“A memento, come here and kiss me.” You plead again, your bra joining his shirt not too long after. Klaus happily obliges, yanking his shirt over his head before his lips are on yours. Your hands find his scarf, which strangely looks good on him before pulling it from around his neck.

“Nice scarf.” You comment against his lips. Klaus’s tongue swiftly enters your mouth and you, honest to God whimper against his lips. No man has ever made you whimper before. Your hands reach down to unbutton his pants, and you begin to push them down his legs. Remarkably, Klaus has managed to keep the giant box tucked into his pants concealed, kicking it under the bed when you look down to help untangle the pants from his ankles. You help peel his pants off before you’re sliding onto the floor in front of him. You pump his cock in your hand a few times before you’re taking him down your throat. Klaus hisses as his head tosses back, and you have to admit that the way he looks sends heat between your legs. His arms holding himself up as his neck is exposed, his eyes squeezed shut, his chest heaving. He looks fucking beautiful. You lick a line up the underside of his cock, you still remember exactly what he likes. That’s honestly a little pathetic, but at this moment you couldn’t care less.

“Fuck baby I don’t remember you being so-” he’s cut off when you suck lightly, and he moans. “-being so good at this.”

He swallows thickly, daring himself to look down at you. The sight before him nearly makes him cum on the spot. You’re looking up at him through your lashes, there are tears in your eyes, and your mouth is stuffed full of his cock. He can see it bulging in your throat. You bob your head up and down his full length, but eventually Klaus yanks you off him by your hair.

“If you don’t stop I’m going to cum and I won’t get hard again.” He growls, pulling your lips against his. Klaus’s hands are quickly unbuttoning your jeans, his hands hooking into the waistband to push them down your legs along with your underwear.

“You’re too clothed.” He mumbles against your lips, you eagerly help him undress you. Klaus gently pushes you back against the mattress to lay underneath you, his hands pressed on either side of your head. His eyes are practically twinkling as he gazes down at you, and there’s a fond smile on his face as his fingers brush against the necklace once more.

“What?” You ask, your cheeks heating up from the look in his eyes.

“Nothing. Just...this is my happy place.” He says and you turn your head away when it starts to feel too emotional.

“This is just sex Klaus remember? We’re not getting back together.” You remind him, and you hate the crushed look in his eyes but he nods.

“Yeah, I remember.” He says softly, the head of his cock nudging at your entrance. You moan when you feel his tip sliding against your lips, and just that one sound has reignited the fire in Klaus’s eyes. He reaches down to grasp the base of his cock, watching with nearly sadistic eyes as he teases you by rubbing the head along your entrance.

“Don’t be an asshole.” You groan, your fingers curling around the sheets. Klaus leans down to press his lips against yours before he’s sliding into you in one languid thrust. Your breath catches in your throat as you wind your arms around his shoulders. You’re not as tight as Klaus was expecting, which can only mean one thing. You’ve had sex with somebody else, and deep down Klaus knows that he has no right to be upset about it. But he is, he’s really upset about it. He quickly sets a brutal pace, pinning your arms to the bed as he bites down softly on your lower lip. You wriggle one arm free so you can reach up and grasp tightly onto his neck, your fingers curled around his throat. Klaus’s eyes roll back as he continues to pump into you.

“Fuck I missed this.” Klaus groans, his other hand snaking between your bodies to toy with your clit. Klaus has slept with one other person since he was with you, but that was different. It was a man. To Klaus, sex with men is just as good as sex with women but nothing is as good as sex with you. There’s something about you that just makes his toes curl, that edges him a little higher. Maybe it’s because he’s helplessly in love with you, but who knows. Klaus knows he won’t last much longer, especially when you begin to clench around him. He missed being this close to you, feeling one with you. Feeling you. He missed it all, everything about you. He is going to get you back, Klaus has made it his goal to get clean. For you. He never wants to lose you again.

“I missed you,” You gasp, you can’t help it. You did miss him. More than you thought you would, and you thought that time would heal the wound but it didn’t. Actually, the more time that went on the more the wound seemed to open. Klaus continues to push into you roughly, the head of his cock hitting that sweet spot with every thrust. You hold his chest tightly to yours, your eyes squeezing shut when his fingers gently pinch your clit. The tidal wave breaks open then and you’re squeezing around him so tightly that it draws a strangled groan from him as you gush around him. You moan obscenely as you cum around him, your hands holding him tightly. Klaus gasps as he thrusts into you roughly before pulling out of you and instantly cumming all over your stomach.

“I needed that.” Klaus sighs happily, standing to clean your stomach off. You watch him toss the tissue in a trash can before reaching around for his clothes.

“Leaving?” You ask in disbelief, he won’t stay with you for a little bit? Klaus leans back over you before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Sorry baby, got an errand to run.” He says reaching under the bed to grab the box. Klaus slides the scarf around his neck once more, and when you see the box you know what he’s up to. He’s going to sell it for drug money. He tosses your clothes onto the bed before turning towards the door. Just before his hand tugs the door open, he turns towards you again.

“Be honest with me, do you still love me?” He asks and you bite down on your bottom lip.

“I still love you Klaus.” You admit, watching the small smile on his face.

“I love you too.” And before you know it, he’s out of the bedroom and closing the door behind him. It’s immediate that you should not have had sex with him, you should have said no but you couldn’t. Why?

Because Klaus is your addiction.

[crymeariveronceagain]

Do you hate Fitz?

ah, my dear anon, I used to.

He was a symbol of everything I stood against. He was an older brother who fell in love with a girl because she chased after him, and he was jealous of his best friend. Like, as a young teeny-bopper, I thought that that was gross and rude. He didn't do much to help himself in my eyes, what with the ignored trauma, the obsession with cognate training, the pushing his girlfriend to do things she didn't really want to, the anger issues, and the fact that he broke up with her for something she couldn't control. Those aren't great qualities.

It was easy enough to see him not as a conglomeration of many qualities, but simply as the ones I disliked.

And then I got to thinking.

Keefe is also really flawed. Sophie is also really flawed. Every character in KOTLC is a flawed character. Just because Fitz's flaws were ones that didn't work well with Sophie, or that rubbed me the wrong way during their relationship, and what not, doesn't mean that he isn't a good character.

Fitz is a great character. And as soon as I removed him from the situation of him being simply Sophie's love interest, I liked him. He's tall, very oblivious, probably grumbles about all of his friends in an annoyed but loving way. He is kind, even though he can come off as emotionally distant, and at the core, he is a sweetheart. He clearly has some unaddressed trauma from how perfect he had to be(think Isabella Madrigal from Encanto, imho). He really and truly cares about Keefe, and Sophie, and Biana, and Tam, and Linh. The more he gets to know people the more he likes them. He doesn't judge books by their covers. He hates his brother because he trusted Alvar once, and was betrayed. He looks at his flaws and he goes, "Let's work on this," and he gives good advice. He is the perfect height to give forehead kisses. Biana loves him, even though they don't perfectly get along. They confide in each other, need each other. He's her support system at home, and she is his. He'd kick someone's butt if they insulted you, but he'd crack sarcastic jokes at you all day every day. He isn't a wonder-boy, but there are imperfections hidden under that smile. He stays awake at night assessing everything he's done wrong. He listens to his father sometimes and worries that someday that's all he will be. He has good points, bad points, merits and talents.

And that makes a pretty amazing character.

Fitz Vacker has his flaws, but he is also a huge softy, a sweetheart, and a broken boy. The world has treated him interestingly, and it has been reflected onto his character.

I noticed this, slowly, over time.

And then, inspiration struck. I saw the potential of him being the older brother/dad friend of the group, my heart exploded.

He is a perfect older brother, a perfect voice of loving exasperation in this group. He'll give you a hug but also tackle you to the ground and call you a loser.

He's a sweetheart, a loving one, and a kid who was stuck in a box for most of his life and never allowed to leave. He is a product of his circumstances just as much as Keefe Sencen is, and he's really working hard on himself all the time.

He is an amazing character, and now, whole heartedly, I can say that I love him.

I love Fitzroy Avery Vacker.

I just don't ship him with Sophie.