#shaving fun ken

[stone-cold-groove]

Sequence from Mattel’s Shaving Fun Ken TV spot - circa 1995.

[barbielore]

What’s the weirdest Barbie ever made to your knowledge?

You would not believe how broad a question that is. Over the years there have been a great deal of Barbies and some of them are real specific.

My go to example is usually Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds Barbie.

Horror movie from 1963 isn’t really my first thought when I think of the Barbie line.

Shaving Fun Ken was also pretty weird. I don’t know why Mattel thought kids wanted to shave an adult man. I mean, maybe some kids did. Especially since they did it again with Cool Shaving Ken, so he must have had a target audience. It escapes me, though.

[femboyishcharm]

call out post for my fiancé: he won't do the talking bit at the end of barbie girl when we sing it during karaoke

[princessbrunette]

this whole agreement was stressing pope out. though he’d convinced himself it was okay, he knew deep down that sleeping with you just because your lying, cheating kook boyfriend couldn’t make you cum was morally wrong. this time around had been a close call. too close.

his life had become something out of a cheap porno — he finishes his shift at the local pizza place, and cycles his delivery bike all the way to your place to lay it on you. it had even gotten to the point where pope had stopped bringing you pizza, because there was no longer a reason to pretend that was why he was really there.

things had gotten risky, and this time around he’d very nearly screwed things, your boyfriend stopping by and letting himself in whilst the two of you had been at it in the shower, your favourite pizza delivery boy having crowded you against the tiles with his head shoved into your crotch, hot water running down his toned back. he seemed to be enjoying himself a lot, despite it being you to have forced him in there due to the fact he was kind of vaguely still smelling like pepperoni.

you’d appeared sopping wet in the hallway with a tiny towel wrapped round you, eyes wide as saucers when you’d seen the boyfriend coming right towards the bathroom. “why are you here?” you practically barked as pope listens in as best as he can over the sound of the running water.

“i was in the area and i needed to pee. can i?” even now, the attitude drips off his voice and pope is gritting his teeth.

“do you need to? i’m showering.” you try to hide the panic in your tone as he shuffles past you, busting right in. you hold your breath, as does pope as he stands as still as possible behind the shower curtain.

he does his business, both you and pope stiff as a statue as he zips himself back up — looking around casually without a rush in the world.

“showering, huh? you know i got time. could always let me in there with you.” he takes a step towards the shower curtain, beckoning you and you panic.

“no! its— it’s not that kind of shower. its an everything shower, you know — shaving everything… and stuff. trust me, you don’t wanna go in there.” you convince, making the kook ken doll roll his eyes but back off anyway.

“you never wanna have fun anymore.” he grumbles, and you see him out. infact, you stand at the door in your towel and make sure he’s gone before returning and yanking back the shower curtain.

“nope.” pope is immediately speaking, shaking his head as droplets fall off his hair. he goes to move past you, reaching for a towel. “i can’t do this, okay! it’s stressing me the fuck out.”

your brows knit, grabbing at his slippery arms to try and get him to be still. “please? he’s gone, pope. i made sure… i— i need this. it’s been such a long week.”

he’s in the midst of wrapping a towel round his waist, glancing up at you through the fogged mirror. “you’re gonna have to do it yourself.” in frustration, you stomp your foot petulantly, still draped in a tiny towel. at your mini tantrum, pope raises his eyebrows — unimpressed and swivels his body round to look at you, intrigued. the brattiness melts away for a second and you avert his eyes, for the first time showing nervousness.

“i don’t know how to do that… why’d you think i need you so bad?”

now, that — was a turning point for him. he was trying to get himself out of this toxic (yet highly addictive) situation, but he couldn’t bring himself to pass up the opportunity to teach. especially to teach you, he always loved how pliant you got when told what to do.

it’s how your damp bodies wound up on your bed, towels discarded with your back to his chest, legs spread. his hands squish at your thighs bordering on being cruel as he holds them open, watching the way your fingers roll over the bead of your clit.

“see, there’s not really a science to it— it’s about figuring out what feels right for you.” his voice is deeper than usual when it’s in your ear, and you shudder at the sound, nodding and swallowing because it’s all you can manage. “its how i figured you out so fast, you’re so responsive — it gave me great feedback on how i could make you cum. just from following your bodies reaction.” he brings a hand down and easily adjusts your smaller one. “middle and ring finger for when you wanna go inside.” he slides them down to your hole, massaging the pad of his fingers against yours to aid your movement. “and the thumb stays right up here to rub your clit. are you getting it?”

“i would rather you— i would rather you do it.” the first time you try to speak, it’s your usual spoiled self — but your breath hitches in your throat and it comes out meeker the second time you try.

“i know.” he croons, and when his lips brush your ear you think he might be coming down to kiss your cheek affectionately. instead, he speaks again. “but then this whole thing would be pointless. you’re here to learn, right?

[1000dactyls]

Obsessed with your hc that they all have their own unique braid pattern and Stoick does it for trans girl hiccup like it legitimately making me tear up 😭 but do you have any more tgirl hiccup trans hc? Hiccup is always kinda seen as trans masc, which yeah look at him but hardly transfemme

i do! actually, i’m working on a fic right now where i explore more tgirl hiccup and how that changes her sense of self and relationship to others. though, it’s a bit more exploratory and not as chronological as my other httyd wip, which is a canon-divergence exploring a “what-if” where hiccup doesn’t grow up on berk and is trying to find his mom, but somehow ends up in berk anyway to end the war… but i digress!!!

So here are some assorted thoughts for you :D

i do think tgirl hiccup still has stubble (she doesn’t shave every day, though it does depend on whether she can handle the sensory experience that day). In part it’s because there’s less stigma about it; i dont think berkian society cares much about girls having facial hair so long as whatever hair does exist is well-kept, and whoever that hair belongs to is alive. And if anyone says otherwise, then snotlout and the twins are there to kick their teeth in. And also because facial hair and body hair in general are just parts of our bodies and i like being able to include that…! she also has arm hair, at least the bits that survive the forge.

Initially hiccup grows her hair out, enough to put it in a ponytail, but at least by the time httyd2 rolls around it’s back to being shoulder length/short again. Long hair does not make for fun flights, as it turns out, because her hair gets REALLY tangled. Even though Astrid is very handy with a comb. And her fingers.

gothi gets this girl on estrogen. with the help of strategically placed padding/armor and the lean muscle she’s built up flying toothless, hiccup slowly begins to fill out, though she’s still scrawny and gangly and a toothpick

I think by virtue of living with a single dad (and a gobber)(lord. stoick and gobber’s bromantic/homoerotic relationship is a post for another day), Hiccup already knows how to do what are considered “womanly” chores. That being said, she isn’t particularly extraordinary at any of them — she doesn’t have Snotlout’s proficiency with needlework nor Tuffnut’s cooking skills, lacks Astrid’s finesse with laundry and Ruffnut’s clever compositions with kennings, and certainly can’t match up to the way Fishlegs manages little ones. Which is fine — her skills lie elsewhere, in the forge and with dragons. At least she can cook a decent enough meal for her and her father and Gobber, and that’s enough for their little family.

Toothless was told first and he also knew first. They’re two halves of a whole, not-so-much a girl and a dragon as they are a single entity, a We, and i think toothless would also trans his gender in solidarity/kinship but hiccup shakes her finger and is like You and I both know damn well you feel like a boy. and he’s like (chuffs)(human gender is stupid… how limiting !). One day he will be able to communicate the nuances of dragon gender to his stupid human. But for now, Hiccup will call Toothless a “boy,” and that is the limits of human language.

[mxdimitrescu]

Drunken Night

Synopsis: Remy and Kendall has a drunken nightstand which ends in a surprising way.

Genre: Smut

Pairing: Kendall Jenner x GP!Remy Fields

(Masterlist)

Kendall

"Hey Kylie, did you invite Remy to spend the summer with us?" I asked her trying to hide the hopefulness.

I had a crush on Remy ever since middle school when she became friends with Kylie. She's different from other guys that I've dated and that's good because she isn't fake like others. I adore her thick framed glasses that enhanced her beautiful blue eyes her braces that makes her smile adorable.

"Nope, I'll call her now," Kylie said as she took out her phone and dialed Remy and put it on speaker.

It was a few minutes until she answered.

"Hello?" Remy asked.

"Remy, it's Kylie. Listen, the family and I are going to my grandma's house for the summer and I was wondering if you want to go with us?"

"Ah, I can't, I'm sorry. I'm actually going to stay with my dad for the summer," Remy said sadly causing me to frown in sadness that I couldn't spend time with her.

Remy's parents are divorced. Her mom lives here while her dad lives in Miami and her mom has the sole custody of her.

"Ah no worries. Anyways, have fun with your dad and I'll see you later," Kylie said and they hung up.

"Looks like she's busy," she shrugged and went to her room to start packing for the trip.

Soon, summer has slowly passed as my family and I had fun doing many activities. We went surfing, bowling, went swimming in the lake behind my grandma's house and many things. It was fun until it was the last day before school starts.

I'm currently laying on bed wondering how Remy's summer went and couldn't wait to see her at school. I closed my eyes as I started to succumb to sleep with the thought of Remy on my mind.

Soon, I was awaken by Kylie entering my room loudly and went into my closet to pick out clothes for me. I got out of the bed and started my morning routine then put on my school clothes that Kylie picked out and headed downstairs.

"Hurry up, Ken," Kylie whined as I took a bite out of my toasted bread that mom handed me.

"Why are you in a rush?" I asked.

"I want to see Remy duh."

At the mention of Remy, I stuffed the toast in my mouth and rushed out of the kitchen, grabbing my backpack along the way.

"Hurry up! Why're you standing there!?" I called out getting Kylie into action and we both got into the car and started off to school.

We arrived at the school and got out of the car and waited on the hood for our friends to arrive. Few minutes later, Hailey, Justin, Taylor, Bella, Gigi has arrived and we're just waiting for Remy.

"How's summer?" Hailey asked as she leaned into Justin's arms.

"It was good, did lots of things," Kylie said as I looked at Instagram on my phone.

"That's go—"

Justin stopped in the middle of his sentence causing me to look up to see Remy walking this way. She looked completely different. She's no longer wearing glasses or braces. Her hair was now shoulder-length curly with her sides shaved off. She's wearing a baggy cream shirt with black loose shorts that shows off her muscular legs.

"Holy shit, she glowed up," Gigi announced to the group who murmured in agreement as Remy reached to us.

"Hi guys! I missed you guys," Remy cheerfully said as she hugged each one of us.

I couldn't keep my eyes off her as she talked to the Hadid twins. Kylie noticed and leaned in to whisper.

"She's off limits. I don't need her to be one of your fuck girls and dump her," she said harshly.

I frowned at her and gave no attention to her as the bell rang letting us know that school's in session. As we walked to our home rooms, Justin let us know that there's a back to school party at his house later tonight.

After seven hours of learning, we finally left school and went home to get dressed for the party. I got dressed in my party outfit which consisted of red crop top, ripped short jeans, and brown sandals.

Kylie and I arrived at the party and it was filled with bunch of teenagers from school. We went inside and found the group in the backyard. I immediately noticed Remy dressed up handsomely.

We all chatted for a while until everyone went off on their own ways until I was in the kitchen nursing a beer when Remy walked into the kitchen.

"Hey Kendall, what are you doing in here by yourself?" She asked as she filled up her cup.

"Just hangin'" I shrugged.

•••••

Remy

"Well come dance with me," I told her as I took her hand and pulled her onto the dance floor and she turned around to grind herself into my front body.

I put my hands on her hips and grind against her, my member slowly waking up. At one particular grind, she gasped at the feeling of my now hard member pressed against her ass.

She moaned and twisted her head to capture my lips with hers causing me to moan. We continued to dance and kiss on the floor until we broke it from the lack of air.

"Let's get out of here," she breathed out making me nod and her to grab my hand and lead us outside where her car was.

We got in the car and drove to her house which was a block away from mine and exited the car and entered the house. As soon I closed the front door, she slammed her lips on mine and jumped causing me to grab her legs and hold her as I walked to her room. I put her down on the floor and we tore our clothes off and got in the bed.

She wrapped her hand around my neck to pull me in for a kiss as her other hand went to my boxer briefs and slowly took my member out of it causing me to moan at the cold air hitting my member. She slowly stroke me and pulled me to place it at her panty clad pussy and pulled the panty to the side and placed it at the clenching entrance.

I broke from the kiss and panted as I asked her, "Are you sure?"

She just simply smirked and wrapped her legs around my butt and thrust myself into her causing her to moan at the slight pain and pleasure when my thick member was slowly devoured by her entrance. I moaned at her walls clenching tightly around my member and began thrusting inside her.

She wrapped her arms around my upper body with her nails dug inside my shoulders. I captured her lips with mine as my hips began thrusting deeply until I could feel her walls twitching. I knew she was close so I moved my hand down between us and began rubbing her clit causing her to go in an orgasm, effectively stopping my thrusts making me shoot streams of cum inside her, painting her walls.

She passed out from the sheer pleasure as I panted heavily and slowly untangled myself from her. I got off the bed and went into her bathroom to clean myself off from the sweat and our combined cum then went back into her room to put on my clothes.

As I was about to leave the room, I turned back to see Kendall laying down on the bed with a satisfied smile on her face and left the room and her house, walking to my house.

After that night, I never went back to my normal way, going after girls and fuck them. It just felt wrong, like I was betraying Kendall. Because of that, I completely avoided Kendall in fear that it was a mistake and it won't happen again.

After two weeks of avoiding Kendall, I was finally cornered by Kylie who was confused and angry at the same time.

"Why the fuck are you avoiding Kendall?" She asked annoyed.

I bit my lip, debating whether to tell her or not then decided.

"Kendall and I had...sex on the night of the party. I was afraid that she'll say that it was a one time thing and that she regrets it."

Kylie rolled her eyes, "I already knew. Kendall told me and was excited about it. Next thing you know, she came to me crying on how you been avoiding her."

I could feel my heart pang at the mention of Kendall crying.

"Kendall is in love with you, and definitely doesn't regret sleeping with you," Kylie finished off and walked away, leaving me in the hallway alone.

She's in love with me?

I knew I messed things up and went in search for Kendall. It took me a while until I found her under the bleachers outside on the football field.

"Kendall?"

Kendall turned around quickly, her tearful eyes met mine. She wiped her eyes and stood up to face me.

"What do you want?" She asked with no emotions in her voice causing me to flinch at the usually happy person.

"I-I came to apologize for my actions for the past two weeks for avoiding you," I regretfully said as I shoved my hands into my pockets.

"It's fine. It was a one night thing," she shortly said.

"I was afraid that you regretted the sex so I kinda shielded myself from the pain and avoided you. I didn't meant to hurt you, I really like you, like a lot," I confessed.

Kendall studied me for a moment and spoke, "Did Kylie tell you anything else?"

I shook my head.

She sighed, "I'm pregnant."

I stared at her in silence, "With my baby?"

"Yes, I found out after throwing up for the past two weeks and went to the doctor yesterday," she told me.

"Well," I started as I walked toward to her until we were facing from to front with an inch between us, "I want to make it up to you..."

I trailed off while looking into her eyes to see anything but nothing.

"How would you make it up to me?" She asked, crossing her arms with eyebrow raised.

"Well, I would like to start off with asking you out on a date? Say Friday at 6?" I suggested.

She studied me for a moment then hesitantly nodded causing me to grin slightly.

"Good."

[snailmusic]

@solariscress and i have created something beautiful

the ultimate ken polycule graph

featuring 100 kens, compiled by solariscress

kenlist under the cut

Original Ken (1961)

Bendable Legs Ken (1965)

Talking Ken (1969)

New Good Lookin’ Ken (1970)

Live Action Ken (1971)

Sunset Malibu Ken (1971)

Walk Lively Ken (1972)

Busy Ken (1972)

Mod Hair Ken (1973)

Sun Valley Ken (1974)

Gold Medal Skier Ken (1975)

Free Moving Ken (1975)

Now Look Ken (1976)

Superstar Ken (1977)

Hawaiian Ken (1978)

Sun Lovin Malibu Ken (1979)

Western Ken (1980)

Fashion Jeans Ken (1981)

Sunsational Malibu Ken (1982)

Sun Gold Malibu Ken (1983)

Hawaiian Ken (1983)

Dream Date Ken (1984)

Day to Night Ken (1984)

Dreamglow Ken (1985)

Tropical Ken (1985)

Hot Rockin’ Fun Ken (1986)

Perfume Giving Ken (1987)

Island Fun Ken (1987)

Jewel Secrets Ken (1987)

My First Ken (1988)

Ice Capades Ken (1989)

Wedding Day Ken (1990)

Rollerblade Ken (1991)

Totally Hair Ken (1992)

Earring Magic Ken (1992)

Hollywood Hair Ken (1992)

Secret Hearts Ken (1992)

Locket Surprise Ken (1993)

Vintage Camp Ken (1993)

Butterfly Princess Ken (1994)

Weight Liftin’ Fun Ken (1995)

Sparkle Beach Ken (1995)

Splash n’ Color (1996)

Pearl Beach Ken (1997)

Totally Cool Ken (1997)

Dr. Ken (1998)

Florida Vacation (1988)

Shave n’ Style Ken (1999)

Vintage Florida Ken (1999)

Harley Davidson Ken (1999)

Surf City Ken (2000)

Prince Eric Ken (2001)

Magic Jewel Ken (2001)

Prince Stefen Ken (2001)

Rio de Janeiro Ken (2002)

Ken Surf Boy (2002)

Skate Date Ken (2002)

Route 66 University Ken (2003)

Prince Daniel Ken (2003)

Cali Girl Ken (2003)

King Dominick Ken (2004)

Superman Returns Ken (2005)

Beach Fun Ken Rooted Hair (2005)

Beach Glam Ken (2006)

Dream Groom Ken (2006)

Prince Antonio Ken (2007)

Diamond Castle Twin Musician Ken (2008)

Camping Family Ken (2009)

A Fashion Fairytale Ken (2009)

Sugar Daddy Palm Beach Ken (2010)

She Said Yes Ken (2010)

Toy Story Ken (2010)

Fairy Secret Ken (2011)

Dreamhouse Ken (2012)

Princess and Popstar Ken (2012)

Fairy Tale Wedding Ken (2012)

Texas ATM Ken (2012)

On the Prowl Ken (2013)

Barbie in the Pink Shoes Ken (2013)

Spy Squad Inventor Ken (2015)

Ken Fashionista #13 (2016)

Moschino Ken (2016)

Super Stripes Ken (2017)

Mermaid Man Ken Dreamtopia (2018) 

Ken Fashionista #115 (2019)

60th Anniversary Ken (2020)

Adventure Prince Ken (2020)

Malibu Blond Ken (2020)

Ken Fashionista #183 (2021)

Signature Looks Ken #9 (2021)

Dia de Muertos Ken (2022)

Ryan Gosling Ken (2023)

Ncuti Gatwa Ken (2023)

Simu Liu Ken (2023)

Kinsley Ben-Adir Ken (2023)

Ramzan Miah Ken (2023)

Scott Evans Ken (2023)

John Cena Ken (2023)

Christ Taylor Ken (2023)

David Munmei Ken (2023)

this is definitely canon

[aquadestinyswriting]

Titan Modern AU- Chapter One

Summary: Meredith gets to meet with one of the people in charge of her new post. A quick conversation about Fangthane culture is had before the discussion turns to other matters- namely where Constable Gruksdottir is going to be staying.

Words: 1,161

Tags: @druidx, @sparrow-orion-writes @warriorbookworm, @thesorcerersapprentice, @blind-the-winds, @philosophika, @the-down-upside-finch, @hippiewrites

Warnings: Some talk about fictional religions but otherwise only avoid if the idea of women with beards grosses you out.

Notes: I fully admit, I just wanted a justification for Merri to keep her beard because I literally cannot see her without one. It allowed me to do some worldbuilding though, which is always fun.

Meredith stood at firm attention with her arms behind her back. The only indication of what she was feeling being a slight quirk of an eyebrow when she caught the surprised stare of the Diplomatic Envoy she was being introduced to out of the corner of her eye. 

Lieutenant Starhammer coughed politely, sitting down behind his desk and waving at his new constable,

“At ease, Gruksdottir. This is meant to be an informal chat. A chance fer us all to get to know each other.” he said. He beamed at the tall, slim woman, who was now settling down into the couch next to the fireplace, “Lady Frigidwake here is the Diplomatic Envoy to the Kingdom of Fangthane. She’s not quite the one in charge, but she does do a lot of work to keep things ticking along as smoothly as possible.” he explained. The Envoy laughed and smiled at both Fangthanians as Meredith relaxed her stance,

“Well, I try to.” she quipped. She gestured to the magpie sitting quietly on her shoulder, “This is Chrackle, he’s a companion of mine. I must ask that you try not to pay him too much attention as he’s supposed to be a working animal.” Meredith nodded, noting with amusement the slightly offended-sounding croak the bird made,

“I’ll bear that in mind, Ma’am.” she said. “I realise that you are, of course, versed in a great deal of Fangthanian culture, but I couldn’t help but notice your surprise as you walked in, Ma’am.” she noted. The other woman flushed a little in embarrassment,

“Ah, yes. I do apologise, that was insensitive. I’m afraid to say that I haven’t had much experience with the Throffite community. Very few Fangthanian women grow their beards out these days, so when I was informed that Lieutenant Starhammer was expecting a female constable, I made an assumption. Again, I apologise.” she said. Meredith shook her head, finally,

“No offence has been taken, Ma’am.” she stated, “You are quite correct, the majority of Fangthanian women shave, and I am very much an exception. Believe me, I am quite used to awkward stares and questions.” Lady Frigidwake pursed her lips and toyed with the end of a strand of greying auburn hair,

“That still does not excuse my conduct.” she retorted, “However, lessons have been learned and I shall not dwell on it any further.” she added, tickling her magpie under his beak as he nibbled at her ear. 

Starhammer chuckled and leaned back in his seat, which creaked loudly, 

“Well, now that we’re all acquainted, I think we can finally turn to business.” he said. He looked to Meredith first,

“I understand ye didn’t get a chance to work out someplace to stay while you’re here, given how quickly ye were kicked out the capital. I’d offer to put you up myself, but my youngest has had to move back home and has brought the weans, so there’s no room, I’m afraid.” 

Meredith shook her head,

“You don’t need to go to that kind of trouble, sir.” she protested, “I’ll be happy enough to keep staying at the Crabbit Sow until I can find somewhere more permanent.” 

Starhammer snorted,

“I’m no’ having ye waste all yer savings like that, lass.” he retorted. The Lieutenant turned to Lady Frigidwake,”D’ye ken of anyplace that’ll be willing to put her up?” he asked. The envoy tapped a finger on her chin thoughtfully,

“I’d need to make a couple of calls, but yes, I think I might know some people.” she replied. She pushed her glasses back up her nose as she smiled at Meredith, “I’ll have somewhere for you to stay by the end of the day.” she chirped. This time it was Meredith’s turn to flush,

“Ye really don’t need to go to so much trouble –” Starhammer scoffed,

“Lassie! It’s no trouble. Ye’re a constable of the Stronghold Guardian Corps! Since we dinna have a barracks on site, that means ye’re entitled to have a place to live nearby.” he reminded her. “Moradin’s beard, ye’re an uptight one, aren’t ye? Auld Vanskleig’s right when he says that working here for a bit’ll be good for ye.” he added.

Meredith opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to find some way to protest, but couldn’t find the words to refute what her new commanding officer had just said. After a moment, she huffed a sigh,

“Aye, sir.” she grumbled. Lady Frigidwake shook her head,

“I’ll go make those calls now, then. Lieutenant Starhammer, was there anything else we needed to discuss in the meantime?” she asked. Smoothing down her skirt as she stood. Starhammer thought for a moment, then shook his head,

“Nothing that can’t wait until next week, lass.” The old soldier stood, with a bit of effort, and bowed slightly to the envoy, “In the meantime, please give my regards to Father Shiverstaff, and remind him that he still owes me drinks.” he added with a smile. Lady Frigidwake laughed and inclined her head slightly

“I’ll pass the message on.” she said. She turned to Meredith, who had by now also stood and was standing at attention again, “It was a pleasure to meet you Constable Gruksdottir, I look forward to working with you.” she said. Meredith snapped off a salute,

“Aye, Ma’am.” she stated. Lady Frigidwake smiled, sent Lieutenant Starhammer a knowing look, then swept out of the office. Starhammer sighed as he turned to Meredith,

“I’ve got my work cut out, haven’t I?” he muttered. He picked up the top sheet from a stack of papers, “Well, seeing as ye’ve been sent back down to start from scratch, I might as well have ye on guard duty at the front door until I get word of what Command wants done with ye, or we figure out where yer strengths lie.” he said. Meredith nodded brusquely and saluted again,

“Aye, sir.” she stated. She sent him a quizzical look, “May I ask what time I can leave my post, sir?” she asked. The Lieutenant sighed,

“Well, the office closes for the day at five-thirty. Seeing as I’m pretty much the only other person here for now, you might as well clock off then.” he replied. Meredith nodded,

“Of course, sir. Thank you, sir.” she said. There were a few moments’ silence until Starhammer heaved a sigh,

“Ye’re free to leave and get to yer post, Constable.” he said wearily. “If there does happen to be any trouble out there, ye do have permission to get involved.” he added just as Meredith began marching out the door.

“Understood, sir.” Meredith called as she finally exited the room, leaving Starhammer to wonder just what he’d gotten himself into. He opened the folder he’d been sent from Sergeant Major Ragnarsson, reading through the various evaluation forms and report summaries. He stroked his moustache thoughtfully,

“Well now, I think I owe the Field Marshal quite the favour for this.” he murmured.

[dollcommercials]

Shaving Fun Ken Commercial (1995)

[tgft212]

What Was I Made For

Natasha and Maria watch the Barbie movie together, and they feel it. This is my attempt to comfort myself, given it's 16th October.. Miss them both.

It was a movie, a stupid movie. Or at least that’s what Natasha tried to tell herself. 

Her and Maria looked foreward to watching it together, after missing it in the cinema because of missions and family time with the Bartons. 

She had no idea movies held so much power. The ones she knew by heart still, old Disney movies the Red Room used to get them to have a perfect pronunciation, to remember, to practice. 

The evening started like any of their dates in the appartement. Take out food, making fun of each other. Maria questioned her baking skills (they were excellent, thank you very much), and Natasha made fun of her cooking (not that she could cook to save her life). 

They ate dinner in relative silence, comfortable on the couch in slacks after so much work and missions and saving asses and trying not to strangle Stark, and whoever from Coulson’s team, who kept insisting on making their life even more difficult every damn second. 

They joke, falling into the comfortable atmosphere of their place, their safe place. They throw whipped cream after one another, laughing so hard their stomachs hurt. Because there they can. There they are Nat and Ria and nothing can change that, their sanctuary. 

Maria got too much in her hair, after she wahes it she comes out holding scissors and a machine with clippers.

“Wanna cut my hair?” She’s not joking. These days the hair reaches her mid back and Maria is sick of it. It’s hard to manage, not to mention the sensory hell it turned out to be. 

Nat jumps up, already dragging a chair to the bathroom, sitting Maria down with a towel on her shoulders before the former commander really knows what’s happening. 

“What do you want?” She's eyeing Maria’s hair, playing with the length and her brain is visibly working hard over time. 

“Not a buzzcut, something with shape that will not require me styling it every damn second.” Natasha smiles wickedly and suggests for Maria to turn around, away from the mirror. 

“Do you trust me?”

“With my life.”

And so Natasha begins. She chops off bigger chunks in the beginning, leaving the hair shoulder length before she continues. One last questioning look to Maria, one last nod before her complete cofus is on her girlfriend’s hair. She sections, cuts, shaves, sections again, cuts a little of the ends to add texture. Maria enjoys every second. 

In the end the top is left longer, her left side shaved and hair on the right side gains length from back to front. Hairstyle that can be completely left alone, but can also be tied into a bun or ponytail. 

Maria loves it, she beams at Natasha, who’s smirking and cleaning off any leftover hair. 

In the end it takes them two hours from dinner before they sit down for the movie. 

Barbie. 

In the beginning they are sitting side by side, holding hands under the soft purple blanket Clint gave them last year. Nat’s head resting on Maria’s shoulder and Maria’s head resting on Nat’s. 

They of course heard about the reactions. They never anticipated what the movie made them feel. 

They never anticipated that a movie about a Barbie doll would have them tense after fifteen minutes, that they would clench to each other by one hour mark. That where presumably a lot of poeple cried, the two of them were so stiff that any one of their muscles could break any second. They got so scared for Barbie, their hands shook violently, having been kept stable by each other.

They never anticipated the speech, THE speech. When Gloria says ‘It’s literally impossible to be a woman’ they are both shaking with unshed tears. The battle of Kens leaves Natasha terrified and Maria feeling emotions she thought she buried so long ago.

During all that turmoil all they have is each other, the movie makes them feel so much, too much. It wouldn’t have had the effect a year ago, when they were both doing a lot of heavy lifting for each other, to open up, to not push the other away. 

Their current selves are so very happy they didn’t watch the movie alone, that they watched it together, in space they designed to be safe. Especially when ‘What was I made for?’ hit the television’s speakers. 

That’s when Natasha almost loses control, almost. Tears stream down her face and bury her face in Maria’s neck. Maria holds the back of her head with one hand, keeping her grounded. Tears streaming down her own face intensify.

Once the credits are done they move slowly together to the bedroom. Already beeing in sleepwear is something they are both very grateful for. 

As they climb into the bed, Nat’s back to Maria’s front, the taller woman’s arms wrapped around the red head’s middle. Natasha hanns onto them like they keep her alive there and then. 

None of them falls asleep, the movie too recent in their minds. 

It’s about an hour later when Natasha starts reciting all too familiar speech:

“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong.”

Maria saw this coming. She knows how they taught them languages, she knows almost everything. So she lightly tightens her hold of the Russian as she continues, as if in a trans.

“You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people.”

Maria can feel tears rolling down her face once again. She joins Nat for the next part, unable to keep all the emotions to herself, needing an out as her heart threatens to slam her chest apart.

“You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.”

Natasha turns in her arms, tears streaming down her face. 

“But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful.”

They put as much emotion into it as theu can, as much pain, anger and all of the feelings they had to hide throughout their life.

“You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.”

They stare at each other silently, both the definition of ‘mess’.

“They really fuckes us up didn’t they?” Maria nods and lets out a desparate laugh. 

“I think that's the understatement of the century.” Maria caresses Nat’s face, not necessarily erasing the tears. They should fall, Nat deserves to cry as much as she needs. 

Natasha nods, leaning into the touch. 

“You know, I used to be scared of every man in the room, in the world.” Her chuckle is dry, painful, a life of memories she’d rather forget. “I was so scared, no, terrified for her.” Maria nods, not only did she feel it when Natasha tensed up like a guitar string, she had the same feeling. 

“I’m so happy all of the Barbies have each other, and Gloria and Sasha..” her voice stops in its tracks as sobs kept down for too long rip through her. 

Maria simply opens up her arms and lets Natasha decide just how much human contact she can handle in the moment. 

Nat hides in Maria’s shoulder, hugging her stomach like her life depends on it, letting herself get close. 

Maria hugs her back, making soothing circles on her back. 

“You deserved so much better Nat, so much better.” and for once in her life Natasha nods, she doesn’t deny, doesn’t deflect, she just nods, heavy crying into Maria’s shoulder. 

“I’m so proud of you, so proud of how far you’ve come. ”That you let yourself be emotional and comforted after a movie that had no right to hit the places as much as it did,” Maria murmurs into Nat’s hair. 

Natasha raises her head up after a couple of minutes, her presumably red eyes looking straight through Maria.

“I’m proud of you too. Emotion about a movie based on a doll I know you used to play with.” They both grin at that, slowly, almost sadly. “Let yourself feel it all love, please.” 

Maria was already crying with Nat, but now she begins anew. Gods, the men in their lives had really managed to completely mess them up. 

It’s hours before they go to sleep, softly talking and crying, letting their inner children out under the safety and hood of the night.

[tunglo]

repost of an old blog post for my new Ken era...

Today [March 13th] is Ken Day! Kenneth Sean "Ken" Carson first hit store shelves in 1961 and, in a move that preceded reality TV by a decade or three, we all got to watch as Barbie met the man of her dreams.

Since then Ken has gone through almost as many incarnations as Barbie herself and had over 40 different careers. In celebration of all that fantastic plastic, here are just ten of the top Ken dolls produced over the years...

--

The 'fun' of shaving Ken has been a staple of his repertoire over the years; there are versions from 1996, 1999, 2010, and 2019.

But, as ever, it's the original that's best. Here is 1979's Sport & Shave Ken. Not only did he come with this spiffing tennis outfit, he also had a shaving mug, two 'razors', and a marker pen of your very own to draw on Ken's facial hair...

According to the brochure: "It's Ken with a whole new look for the 1980s. He's athletic. He's all man."

Indeed.

--

Cool Times Ken.

Never has a name been quite so misleading.

There's a reason Pixar went with this Ken era for the Toy Story movies, and it certainly wasn't because of Ken's close relationship with the concept of cool.

--

Sometimes your problem is not that Ken has too much facial hair. It's that he just doesn't have enough. Luckily 1972's Mod Hair Ken had you covered. The same idea was utilised again in 1975 for The Now Look Ken, except this time around his hair was longer to capture the true essence of mid 70s cool.

--

Ken has been a doctor many times - 1963, 1992, 1995, 1996, 1997, 2011, 2018 - but 1987's offering beats the rest hands down. Not only is Ken a doctor, but you can fold the lapels of his shiny nylon medical coat down and he's ready for a night of wining and dining!

What a doll.

--

What more can I say?

--

--

According to Keeping Ken, this shot with Wedding Day Alan was an official Mattel postcard

In 1993 Mattel redesigned Ken to fulfil little girls' requests that Barbie's beau be cooler. Ken was now so cool he was attracting interest from all quarters, including the US gay community who were sure Ken's cock ring necklace came straight - heh - from the club scene. As a result Earring Magic Ken sold out for Christmas '93, and remains the best selling Ken doll of all time in spite of Mattel discontinuing and recalling the doll once they realised Ken's secret was out of the closet...

--

In 2010 Mattel released Sugar Daddy Ken, so named - they say - because he owns a little dog called Sugar.

Hmmm.

--

Back in 2004, just in time for Valentine's Day, Barbie ditched Ken in favour of Australian surfer dude, Blaine. Blaine O'Hare - or at least his face sculpt - began life in 1998 when Totally Yo-Yo Skipper was initially set to gain a new friend called Zach. Though he never actually made it into production, his features were used for 1999's Generation Girl Dance Party Blaine.

The Generation Girl line followed Barbie's time at high school in NYC, introducing a variety of new friend dolls and spawning another Blaine in 2000. When he returned in 2004 Blaine had wisely dropped the 'curtains' hairstyle and traded in New York for California. In this continuity the pair met through Blaine's younger sister, Summer, who was good friends with Barbie.

In fact, voting was held through the Barbie.com website to determine who Cali Girl Barbie ought to go for - Ken, Blaine, long time pal Steven, another newcomer named Diego, or stay single. We all know how that went. Ken went away to lick his wounds for a couple of years, but in 2006 he was back with a new look. It wasn't enough for Barbie to take him back though and the pair remained 'just good friends' until another PR campaign saw them get back together in 2011.

--

The Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse webseries is awesome.

Launched in May 2012, it pokes fun at the entire Barbie mythos and did more to give Ken a personality than any other Mattel project. We learn that Ken loves inventing, is addicted to sherbet, and suffers from Hyper Cuteness Sensitivity Disorder...

--

This year Ken is finally taking control of his own destiny. Well. His own laundry, at any rate...

[shrugemojiidk]

Batfam body hair head canons:

Bruce: the Harley Quinn Show bit about him being shaved smooth like a Ken doll is really funny but realistically I think he just manscapes a little bit. Bush is trimmed

Dick: Definitely manscapes though his hairy era was super fun, he’s got the type of genes that would make him super hairy if he didn’t shave regularly. Bush is trimmed

Jason: doesn’t give a fuck. Full hairy. Only shaves his face and even then he’s still scruffy sometimes. Full bush

Cass: she went like 17 years untouched by societal gender norms she also does not give a fuck but she’ll shave for ballet. Bush: full bush except when it isn’t

Steph: shaves. gymnastics made it a habit. Bush is trimmed

Tim:

Bush is shaved

[barbielore]

I had Shaving Fun Ken as a I kid and I loved that doll 😭 It was really satisfying to use the mini razor, I actually liked it better than changing Barbie's hair color on dolls that had a similar gimmick. Also, I don't think we've seen a beard on any playline Ken ever since?

I’m sorry! 😩😭 I didn’t mean to insult anyone’s taste! I just really don’t get the appeal, but to each their own!

I’m not 100% sure about when the last playline Ken with a beard was but while looking it up I did find a much older Ken with a fabulous beard which is a contender for weird Barbies.

Mod Hair Ken had customisable facial hair! I like this much more than the shaving one personally but again, I know that’s a matter of personal opinion. It is pretty weird though.

Back to Ken and his beards though - I had an inkling there was a Ken in the Fashionista line with a beard; but I can’t find him so either I am mistaken or he is eluding me.

There appears to be a Looks Ken with a beard, but he’s the only one I can find (and his beard is really just some tasteful stubble - nothing majestic.)

[runawaycarouselhorse]

The Gunsmith Cats OVA was animated by Oriental Light and Magic (OLM), the same studio that animates Pokemon...

 It’s only a couple of years before the time of Legend of Thunder, so, very 90’s style still… oh, and just about everybody has the fang-like teeth.

So, just saying, Buson with his hairline, droopy-cornered eyes, prominent canines that look like fangs, prominent brow ridge, and even the two stray hairs in the middle of his forehead... he'd look right at home (except he's got thinner brows--more Asian features in those respects.)

It's fun if you consider how simple the original designs by Sugimori Ken were and how much the animators added their own touches to things! Oh, and just in one shot, but a little extra line in front of his ear suggesting he shaves his hair and could, if he left it, grow sideburns...

it's funny to me because Pokemon generally did not give characters realistic hairlines in that era and even the hairstyle's Very Anime, Buson has Jonathan Washington's exact hairline, ffff.

[georgiapeach30513]

If Chris was a Ken what Ken outfit would you dress him in?

(and what level of spray tan would you apply to his translucent skin?)

This is hilarious. And looking up Ken dolls was even more fun

There’s just so many options. That fragrance in the Topical Splash was a little squeeze bottle that was quite nice. The shaving Ken doll would be hilarious.

As for the color, I’d mix the light and medium shades together. I’m afraid medium might be too dark. If you go too dark that’s when you turn orange. But the light barely gives color.

But as for an outfit. Yep we need to see this.

[pinayelf-archive]

for the life is strange fans lmao this shaving fun ken from 2011 (?) looks just like Ryan Lucan