#sharing my own obsessions in the hopes there are other freaks out there like i

[btsvt-bar]

Fuckboy!Wonwoo going for shy!reader since he assumes they’re a virgin, just to find out reader is an absolute freak and rides him until he passes out

wonwoo bias wrecked me so much after the follow again concerts that this just came to life on it’s own. i wrote the freshman experience based off of how it is on my country and i loved writing this, so i hope you enjoy it too! ♡

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・

fuckboy!wonwoo who’s your game design course sunbaenim. he contradicts all paradigms about nerds, because he’s hot as fuck.

fuckboy!wonwoo who spots you on the first day of classes. he sees you walking past him in your tiny skirt and "I ♡ games" tshirt and finds you adorable.

fuckboy!wonwoo who fights with other veterans to keep you as his freshman. he loses the argument to Nayeon, the course’s students’ president, and sulks for the rest of the day.

fuckboy!wonwoo who hits on you at the bar that night. everyone’s whispering about the two of you.

since Nayeon’s done her job and warned you before hand about Wonwoo’s reputation, you turn him down nicely because you hate the attention. of course, it only spurs him on.

fuckboy!wonwoo who tried to befriend you as a way of getting into your pants (well, he’s a fuckboy after all!).

a couple months after, once he realizes you’re actually really funny and outgoing when you feel comfortable enough, he finds himself enjoying the time you two spend together.

fuckboy!wonwoo who becomes obsessed with you. he convinces himself it’ll fade away once he fucks you. but then he finds himself getting so fucking jealous when he hears you calling Seungcheol your “oppa”. he knows Cheol has a thing for you — your innocent, virgin like persona is driving every male student wild. so he feels his blood boiling when you touch his hyung’s bicep as you smile sweetly and bat your eyelashes.

fuckboy!wonwoo who gets really annoyed when his friends mock him, claiming he lost his charms and won’t get to fuck you like he would do to any other girl.

"it’s up to Coups Hyung to pop her cherry." Jeonghan holds back a laugh as Wonwoo rolls his eyes.

Like hell we will! he thinks.

fuckboy!wonwoo who tries to sleep with someone else to get off and forget about you. but it doesn’t work and he gets more frustrated than before.

fuckboy!wonwoo who offers to help you with your class project and goes to your shared dorm room on a Saturday night. you open the door and he holds his breath when he sees your super princess peach cropped shirt.

"what? it’s my favorite game" you state, with a pout on your lips, when he stares for too long.

"oh, nothing. it’s a good one." he babbles, averting his eyes from your chest. your shirt was probably old, since he could see the outline of your nipples through the white fabric. he swallows nervously, trying to shake the image of your pebbled nipples off of his head.

fuckboy!wonwoo who gets distracted by your short sleeping shorts, since they do the bare minimum to cover you up.

"Nonu, are you listening?" you complain as you shake him. his eyes are out of focus when he meets your gaze. "earth to Nonu! what are you thinking about?"

fuckboy!wonwoo who bites his lower lip and stares at you.

"i’m thinking about you, cutie." he flirts. usually, you would blush and avert your eyes. so it’s a shocker for him when your Bambi eyes transform into a siren gaze.

“what about me?" you whisper, inching closer to his face. "is it about the ways you’d like to fuck me?" that’s all it takes for Wonwoo to take off his glasses and crash his lips into yours.

fuckboy!wonwoo who gets really excited and surprised when he finds out you’re not a virgin. in fact, you’re a total freak in bed. he feels a bit fooled since you got everyone believing you’re a pure angel, but he isn’t about to complain.

not when you’re jumping up and down on his dick with your pretty boobs on full display for him.

fuckboy!wonwoo who fucks up into you with all his might, thinking that he could die happy buried in your heat like that.

you’re riding him so good, your hips grinding against his and your hands clawing at his chest. your lips are red and swollen from kissing, your head’s thrown back in pleasure. you let out quiet ah-ah-ahs that enter Wonwoo’s ears and spin down his body directly to his dick.

fuckboy!wonwoo who nearly blows his load when you ask him to choke you.

his big hand presses on your throat with minimum force, but you demand more pressure and he complies.

fuckboy!wonwoo who circles your clit and sucks your nipples to help you cum. and when you do, he follows shortly after, emptying three months worth of blue balls in the condom and nearly passes out.

fuckboy!wonwoo who cuddles you and realizes he’s been tricked.

"i’m not complaining, but i thought you were a virgin."

you laugh, turning around to face him. "and the resident fuckboy gets played." pride bubbles in your chest. Wonwoo smiles at you, his brown eyes still a bit glazed over from his high.

"i liked being played" he admits with a shy smile.

fuckboy!wonwoo who refuses to go back to his own room. thank goodness your roommate is not coming back for the night.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・

© btsvt-bar, 2024

m.list ♡

[hanasnx]

" DON'T BURY THOUGHTS THAT YOU REALLY WANT " — katsuki bakugou.

MINORS DNI 18+ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ WARNINGS: fem reader ノ established coworker relationship ノ sexual and suggestive content: dirty talk ノ degradation: m+f receiving ノ body shame joke.

You’ve known pro-hero DYNAMIGHT for years now, and he just started paying attention to you in ways you notice. Admiring him from afar was easy, but closing in was another matter entirely; working alongside one another got you in the same proximity, and he was forced to acknowledge you. He treated you like any other person he meets, and after studying him, you figured out an in.

Instead of a simple, “I’ll kick your ass!” from him when you’ve pissed him off, you’ve devised your own special language with him. Miraculously, he doesn’t seem to give you the impression you’ve gotten the best of him. Instead, you’re rewarded with hateful but sexual confessions. Now when you piss him off, his and your special brand of understanding and humor have turned a violent warning into a disgusting promise. “I’m gonna fuck the shit out of you.” he tells you.

If anyone was listening in, they’d think you and him have entered some romantic relationship, completely inappropriate to your professional standings. On the contrary, you’ve trained him to speak to you in a way that pleases you without him even knowing. Now your banter with him consists of angry flirting, and he still believes he’s making threats. Out on the battlefield he shamefully critiques your poor choices with something along the lines of, “Was gonna fuck your brains out tonight, but it looks like my job’s already done!”

You wear it proudly. You’ve managed to get the great Katsuki Bakugou to do what you want him to. After a long, arduous process groomed by your consistent schedule with him, spending time together observing him as you work alongside one another, you’ve done it. In place of him calling you a simple idiot, he tells you you’re lucky you’re hot.

A “fight” with him, looks like a horny situationship from the outside, publicly debuting your desire for one another like PDA-obsessed freaks. You delight in it, while he remains oblivious. At least you thought he was. More and more, he leans into this little share of humor you two have going on, wit that leads you into suspicion.

“You look like shit. Maybe if you slept over at my place, I would’ve tired you out enough to get you to bed at a decent time.” Bakugou notes, passing you as if he’d relayed the weather. Brows furrowed, you pivot your head to watch the back of his while he strides on. It’s unusual that he’d phrase it that way, regarding it as opportunistic rather than domineering. You shrug it off under the basis he’s just evolving the jokes, he’s not extending an offer.

The next day isn’t so different, sitting across from him at the table in a meeting you’re both early for. His body language is lax as always, an elbow hooked behind a corner of the chair, his glove at his belt, legs spread far. Taking up as much space as possible, whereas your hands are clasped neatly on the surface in front of you. You can tell he’s reading you, those crimson eyes unapologetically scrutinizing your erect posture and a cruel grin stretches one side of his mouth. Sighing impatiently through your nose, you call him out on being a creep. “What? What’re you lookin’ at, Bakugou? You want me or something?” you call upon that unique sense of sexual humor, hoping to trip him up.

No such luck. He snickers, and leans back in his chair to cross his thick arms across his wide chest. A pose that leaves you gulping, and he visibly notices how your eyes wander for a milisecond. “Whatever guy you’re fucking is doing a shit job because you’re still a bitch with a stick up your ass.” Has he been cooking that up this whole time? He looks mighty pleased with himself.

“Don’t be a pig, Dynamight. Who I’m sleeping with is none of your concern.” you retort, and you’re not beating the bitchy allegations. You stick your nose in the air in spite of yourself, and out of the corner of your eye you can see him teetering on the back legs of his chair. So you peer at him a little more deliberately while you’re faced away. “Unless you want a piece, that is.” A much more subtle flirt, gauging his reaction to such a timid offer.

Meanly, he scoffs. “‘A piece?’” he parrots. “What, a piece? Of that little thing? The fuck am I supposed to do with that, huh? Ass like that you’ll have to work for it.”

“Bakugou!” Somehow, he went a little too far that time. A pang of hurt is uncharacteristic to experience, and yet it twists your heart. You mask it, trying to match his energy in a way you can manage. “Are you just gonna comment on my body or are you gonna do something with it?”

“Oh, I’m gonna do som’thin’ with it, alright. I’m gonna do som’thin’.” A greedy expression shifts his features, eyeing you up like you’re a meal, a prey. Maybe he's catching on to you... And before he can explain and you can rebuke, other heroes enter the meeting room, and all four legs of his chair land with a slam.

@HANASNX 2024 | do not copy, plagiarize, or steal.

[eularin]

I was quietly browsing the obkk tag on ao3, looking for a hot and erotic read to spend the night when I came across a common headcanon: Obito, the greatest terrorist of the Elemental Nations is a virgin with zero experience and Kakashi is the greatest fucking machine in Konoha (or, in other words: much more experienced than Obito)

This got me thinking. I thought about it so much that I came up with several ideas, several headcanons that I need to share with you since I don't know if I'll be able to write a story like this on my own. (I have so many stories in progress/on hiatus in Google docs that I get all messy 😅)

Okay, here we go! How about a reverse trope? We know that ninjas are excellent war machines, they can also be great fucking machines! (They know the anatomy of the human body so well. Isn't it stupid to think that they can use this knowledge for other things that have nothing to do with killing and torturing)

I like to imagine that Kakashi is a reserved man in his private life. He doesn't kiss and tell. Not at all.

Kakashi is known as a pervert because of his beloved icha icha book, but we know that being a reader of porn stories doesn't make someone a sex-active person (or does it? I'm not sure if it counts that way). Anyway, moving on: Kakashi is reserved and rarely gets sexually involved with anyone (oh, he certainly has experience, but you know, PTSD, depression and other various triggers that can be triggered at any time are not good libido stimulants, in my opinion), continuing:

When Kakashi is feeling good and wants to have a casual encounter and a quick hookup, he doesn't go for it as himself. In other words: He doesn't like being Hatake Kakashi at those times (too public, too infamous, too risky. Too problematic. Better to disguise himself)

Kakashi is the king of disguise. He has several disguises - and Obito knows all of his disguises because Obito is a stalker freak who has a sixth sense for when Kakashi is feeling good enough to socialize. So he stalks Kakashi and monitors him.

Creepy, I know, but that's canon.

From here on things get... A little crazy? Disturbing? In short, things get a little dark.

Obito is so obsessed that he doesn't like to see Kakashi "moving on" much less getting involved with someone because for Obito Kakashi has to live in misery like he does. They need to make an agreement like this - in Obito's opinion.

But if Kakashi wants some sexual gratification, Obito can give it to him. (And why not? Obito already gave him the eye.) But Obito can't always intercept Kakashi (remember how Obito is a criminal busy plotting world domination? Destabilizing Kiri? Recruiting ninjas for the Akatsuki?) so Obito can't always disguise himself, intercept Kakashi, and be his one-night stand. What does Obito do when Kakashi spends the night with a literal stranger? It's not too hard to guess: Obito kills Kakashi's temporary partner. (Possessive, obsessive, and delusional Uchiha make a disastrous combination.)

There may be some torture and a crazy speech about "you're going to die bc you touched my teammate"

Unnamed character tied up and kidnapped by Obito: "What? Are you crazy? I don't even know who you're talking about!"

Obito: "I'm talking about Kakashi! MY teammate. Mine to touch. MINE to make him suffer. MINE to kill. MY Kakashi! And you dared to sleep with him! I hope you enjoyed your night because you're not getting out of here alive. I don't want you living in the peaceful and perfect world that I WILL CREATE in a few years. Like I'm going to let you enjoy my hard work and dream about MY Kakashi.

*Cut 🔪* the unnamed extra dies and Obito is ready to give Kakashi some nightmares (in his opinion, Kakashi needs to be punished and reminded that this hellish reality is not worth living in nor looking for good things)

~~

Okay. Now let's move on to my second idea!

We know that Obito is obsessed and obsessive. He's a crazy stalker who always watches Kakashi.

Obito is one of, if not THE greatest assassin of the Elemental Nations. He can easily be the greatest fucking machine as well. Imagine the fame that Don Juan Obito has! (let's call him Don Juan Obito, bc I can't think of a pseudonym right now).

Consider all the physical changes in Obito's body. He has seemingly limitless stamina, lots of energy to burn; lots of stress; lots of hormones inside his body going crazy during spring, mostly (Mokuton's fault. You have no idea how much it affects him.)

Jiraya wants to declare war on this ninja who dares to bewitch all the ladies in the red district wherever he goes. And the worst part! It's not just the ladies who sing praises to this magical dick Don Juan Obito.

Jiraya can't stand to hear the giggles and sighs around this man whose identity he can't figure out. (Tsunade is laughing somewhere)

Bonus scene: imagine that Kakashi (in one of his disguises) is also sighing in delight.

He didn't just have the best sex with this stranger (sort of familiar), he also received the best aftercare. But Kakashi is a reserved man, he doesn't kiss and tell. He also doesn't tell that this sex god always favors him and comes to see him every night 🤫

Kakashi wouldn't be Kakashi without a little angst and drama, right? So he has these uncontrollable Hatake instincts whenever his sexual partner is around. He wants to bite, to make his claim on this man obvious, he also gets jealous when he hears all these compliments about his man (it's not his, he knows but try to convince his instincts otherwise).

Also: to drive Kakashi crazy and mortified with himself: he thinks about Obito. Always. He slips up and calls out Obito's name and his sexual partner happily ignores it (in fact, his partner gets even wilder). But sometimes his partner is also a shit, he will ask blatantly: who is Obito? His ex-boyfriend?

(Kakashi is freaking out internally. How the hell does he imagine his ex-teammate dead at these times?)

Obito is having fun. He will probably try to sell his idea of a perfect world to Kakashi (he is so good at pillow talk. Kakashi is being seduced and manipulated.)

Bonus Scene 2: Imagine when the Eye of the Moon Plan is realized. Imagine how many people are dreaming about Don Juan Obito!

That's it. That's the post. I needed to get this out of my mind and ramble on about obkk/kkob 🤯

[have-you-seen-my-sanity]

hiii i saw your yandere marc and steven post and was wondering if you can write a smut based on that request (it's alright if it's just a short one!). I love the way you write <3

Hi Anony!! <3

Ooo, nice idea you got there 👀

I will do this for both again :)

Based on this post: -> [X]

Yandere Steven and Marc dealing with a bratty reader

Tags: Brat taming, failed escape attempt, fingering, p in v, smut, possessive (and obsessive) behavior, yandere themes(?), soft dom Steven.

Pairing

Yandere Steven Grant x fem!reader

Yandere Marc Spector x fem!reader

Steven

It has been a while since Steven kidnapped you, and although you had to admit he treated you like a queen, you wanted to go back to your own home, your house, go back to your daily life you got so used by. One evening, Steven went out to get some supplies but he locked the front door from the outside and the window to access the fire escape. Calling the police came up in your mind but it would only end in a shit show. But now you had to make a run, Steven wouldn't take too long to come back, so you started searching for anything that could get the front door unlocked. You knew your fair share of lockpicking by gaming and watching movies, but what's missing were the necessary items, a paper clip and bobby pin would do the trick but you doupted Steven had bobby pins. But he should have some paper clips laying around.

You went to his study corner, opening the drawers until you found some, showed a handful into your pocket before fiddling two in a position to unlock. Steven would arrive soon, you had to be quick. You inserted the two clips into the lock, twisting and turning them until you heard a click.

Click

You opened the door, peeking out and debating if you should just knock on some of his neighbors to help you. But you knew they wouldn't believe you, so you made your way to the elevator, but in the distance you already saw the maintenance sign on it. You went for the stairs, and as you arrived at the first floor, you could see the big main doors leading out. You held your breath calm, only a few more steps.

Before you could even touch the handle, the doors opened, and Steven entered. You two froze as you saw eachother, Steven's eyes widened "Wh-what are you doing here?" He asked in disbelieve.

You swallowed the spark of hope down your throat, you knew you would be in trouble now.

"How did you even unlock the door?" Steven asked, now walking towards you and grabbing your arm firmly. He didn't even wait for your answer, dragging you back up the staircase back to his flat, "We will have a nice, friendly talk when we get back."

Once back in his flat, Steven shoved you inside, carelessly closing the door and dropping his bag with the supplies on the floor.

"Love, why did you try to leave?" Steven's voice was more dark as you turned to look at him.

"I wanted to go back to my home, back to my life before you freaking kidnapped me!" You raised your voice.

"You want to go back to your boring old life? Where nobody loves you?! Please, I am the one taking care of you, showing you love, giving you everything you want!" He wagged his finger at you.

"Steven. Listen. You don't have to take care of me, I can take care of myself." You sighed, glancing on the ground.

Steven didn't took it lightly, "You're able to take care of yourself? Fine, show me how you can take care of yourself, prove it to me." He stepped closer to you, "But you know what?" Steven pushed you backwards onto the bed, "I think you're just a brat. A disobedient little brat, who doesn't appreciate others doing things for you."

You tried getting up but Steven kneeled on the bed, holding you in place by your shoulder "What are you doing?"

"Taking care of you." Steven simply replied before his other hand slowly trailed up your leg until it was between your legs.

Steven didn't waste a second, pulling your pants down, off your legs and tossed them on the floor.

"I'm sorry, Stevy." You pleaded.

Steven just smiled "Too late for being sorry, love."

His hand rubbed your clit through the fabric of your panties in slow circles. You gasped, trying to resist but your body easily betrayed you, you felt yourself getting more wet with each circle, a soft moan escaping your lips making Steven hum "There, doesn't it feel good getting taken care of, hm?" He increased the pace, you bit your lower lip to stiffle the moan.

Steven noticed "Aww, does it feel so good you have to make loud noises?" He peeled your now wet panties off and continued rubbing your clit "Look at that, I'm pretty sure any man who'd see you would drool all over themselves..." He teased, his fingers moving to your leaking hole, entering you easily by how wet you were.

"St-Stevenn.." You whined as two of his fingers began stretching you.

Steven smirked "Need somethin' love?" He knew you were high on pleasure, he knew you'd ask him to keep going.

"Your fingers feel soo good.." You moaned, arching your hips.

"Look at your disobedient cunt swallowing my fingers. Bet it feels great, yeah?" He increased the thrusting, not minding your juices staining his fingers.

"I'm sorry for leaving, Stevy..." You begged suddenly, letting out a needy moan.

"It's alright, love. You just needed me to show you your place, right?" He grinned, his fingers hit your sweet spot, making your eyes lull back into your skull, your pussy now squeezing his fingers as you felt the pleasure build up.

"S-Steven, I'm close!" You warned, arching more into him.

"Then let me finish it. Your tight cunt's gonna coat my fingers, hm?" Steven said, his fingers hitting hard and deep. When your orgasm rippled through you, Steven kept moving his fingers for a bit longer before pulling them out.

"That's it love, you did very good, I'm proud of you." He praised, watching you catch your breath. Steven got up, headed to the kitchen and came back with some water, handing it to you and sat back down beside you on the bed, brushing some stray hair out of the way and the sweat from your forehead.

"We understand eachother from now on, yeah?" Steven ordered softly.

When you nodded, he leaned in and pressed a kiss on top of your head, "I hope so for you because if you try to run again, the restraints will be back on you." He gave you a firm look before pulling back

"Now get some sleep, I'm sure you must be tired."

-

Marc

You've already spent a few days in Marc's home, he meant everything he said, he gave you attention, got anything you asked and he even made you feel safe. But still, the knowledge that he kidnapped you was still there, it didn't feel right. Once you even asked him to go to your house but he refused, telling you it's not safe. Tonight you decided to take matters into your own hands, you were waiting until Marc had fallen asleep, you knew trying the door would only get you in trouble since he would have it locked and who knew if there wouldn't be any security cameras pointed there, so you tried the window in your room.

Thankfully the height of the house wasn't too high, jumping down would maybe hurt a bit but it wouldn't kill you. You climbed on the window, took a breath before finally jumping down, landing on pavement with your feet, wincing from the impact.

Heck, you didn't even know where you are...

You could hear the distant sound of cars, some dogs barking in the distance, and see the lights of Skyscrapers in the distance. What you didn't know was, Marc just woke up to get some milk for his midnight refreshment. As he passed your room, he could hear the noises of the city more loudly, and the chill breeze coming from underneath the door, he just thought you might have opened the window for some fresh air, but he decided to glance inside anyways.

At opening the door, he expected you sleeping soundly in your bed like you always did, but instead he was met with an empty bed, and the window was wide open.

"Shieet!" He cursed under his breath, he put on his pants, went for the keys and headed out to find you.

Meanwhile you were heading into the direction wich you heard the traffic noises come from, but you doubted anyone would help you, it was already past midnight and people may think you'd probably be a weirdo.

Marc however picked up on how desperately you may want to get away from him, he isn't stupid, he's fucking smart when it came to that. He knew people tend to go to high populated places for help, and especially in a place like Chicago, he knew going alone at night, passing an alleyway might end in some robbery or even death. You wouldn't want to make the same mistake twice, would you?

Soon Marc spotted a person walking on the sideway, their steps were fast as if they wanted to get away. He didn't knew it was you yet.

You didn't knew Marc was in fact following you, you pulled out your phone, glancing at the time before you got interrupted by some loud noise nearby, causing you to flinch and look back, seeing someone following you, so you started running. Now Marc knew it was you, he ran after you "Hey!" He called out.

You took a sharp turn into a corner, but...it was a dead end. But you kept running, spotting an entrance and pushed yourself on the door, hoping that the spot would hide you.

Some heavy breathing could be heard near you, it was Marc. He took a moment to look around at the dead end, cursing under his breath again, "This cheeky little brat." he muttered, before walking away.

You waited a few more seconds before slowly making your way out of your hiding place, looking around the corner, taking a deep breath of relief, but before you could continue walking, someone snuck up behind you, grabbed your shoulders, dragged you back into the alleyway and pushed you against the wall.

"There you are little troublemaker." It was Marc's voice, you tried to get out of his grip but he was just too strong for you, holding you in place like you were just a twig.

"Marc, let me go, please!" You begged.

Marc snorted, "Definitely not. You're coming back with me. Gonna cooperate with me or not, sweetheart?"

"Okay, okay. I cooperate." You nodded.

Marc released you, dusting off your shoulders before he grabbed your arm firmly and led you back to his house, "You. You made a big mistake, honey." he growled.

Back at his house, he brought you back to your room, ushering you inside and closed the door behind him, leaning against it and crossed his arms "Any apologies? No? You just put yourself in danger."

"I wanted to go back home." you replied weakly.

"And you wanted to do it by being such a brat and made me chase you almost around whole Chicago?" Marc raised his eyebrows.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry." You muttered.

Marc wasn't buying it "That's all? Sorry? For putting yourself in danger like that, hm? A little weak if you ask me."

"Well, what else do you want me to say then?" You asked.

Marc shrugged, "Maybe something that makes me believe you mean it. I saved your ass, I protected you! That's how you thank me? By acting like a fucking brat?"

You sighed, "You didn't want to let me go back, so I took matters into my own hands!"

"Listen, I'm sorry if I was being too rough with you, but you have to see that only I can protect you. I am also the only one who will love you, no matter what." Marc pushed himself off the door and walked over to you.

You sat on the bed, "I made a mistake, I'm sorry, Marc." You looked up at him with a sad expression.

Marc sighed, "Yeah you fucked up. And now it's my turn to make it right by putting the brat right back in their place where they belong." He crouched down, grabbed your feet and removed your shoes, "Now your pants." he tabbed your knee, signaling for you to do it.

"What?" You asked confused.

"Your pants. Get 'em off." He gave a warning glance.

You obeyed, fearing more punishment, pulling off your pants and tossing them to the side.

Marc straightened, "Good. Now your panties." He ordered.

Once your panties were out of the way and your core visible for him, he spread your legs apart and ran a finger through your folds "Already getting wet for me, aren't you?" Marc mused.

"Fuck.." You whimpered.

Marc chuckled at your reaction, "Gonna be good for me now, hm? Gonna repay me for chasing you around, honey?" it wasn't a question, he was demanding it.

"Y-yes.." You nodded.

Marc palmed himself before pulling his pants down, freeing himself and gave a few strokes "Keep 'em spread." he positioned himself at your entrance, nudging before entering slowly to make you get used to his size.

When he felt you getting comfy around him, he started to thrust at a slow pace "What were you saying? Nobody loves you? I already proved my love for you, and now my cock loves your good little pussy." he grunted while you moaned in response, the way his cock dragged along your walls made your head fall back.

"Look at that," Marc grinned "looks like your pussy loves getting split open by my cock, huh?" He pulled out, leaving only the tip inside before burying his whole girth inside you.

You almost came on spot, he felt that too and the way you were already a mess beneath him, "Already cockdrunk? See how I can make you feel? Silly little thing." Marc chuckled, thustting harder into you.

"M-Marc..." You arched your back, desperate for more.

"Got you, babe." He pounted into you, increasing the pace, chasing his building orgasm.

-

"I-I'm about to-..." Before you could end the sentance, it was already too late, your pussy already squeezed the life out of Marc's cock.

"God, honey. You have a fuckin' death grip!" His hips moved erratically, and a second later, his eyes rolled back as he filled you up.

Both of you held still as you came down from the orgasms, Marc then pulled out, "Let's take a shower, we definitely need one. But if you act up like a brat ever again, try to leave, I'll make sure you'll have trouble walking, understood?" He asked.

You could only nod in response.

Marc smiled "That's my good girl."

[anintriguedintrovert]

It's just lazy writing honestly. Saying that you want to develop a "mature relationship" between two characters and killing off the female character to fuel man pain is such a tired and dirty trope.

And from his own words in that article - caryl falling in love is "obvious" and "easy" and such a "TV book of tricks" (again - all of these words could have different interpretations.)

Like, my dude, "friends to lovers" is an old but gold timeless trope for a reason. UNLIKE, introducing a female character and killing her to serve the male character's man pain (if that is the route they are in fact taking - I would rather her live or have her death serve some larger/meaningful purpose - bcoz yes...i can't imagine Daryl and Isabelle together - they have known each other for two months and most it has been her lying to him/manipulating him - my man deserves better BUT I also want female characters to be treated fairly) Forcing a relationship between her and Daryl so that the audience would feel more for her when she dies - and completely reducing her death to prop up Daryl is NOT the way to go. Give her a meaningful arc and real/clear/grounded motives and emotional depth.

Also - can we like backtrack here for a minute - saying that making Caryl romantic would be too easy - is like the most ridiculous thing I have heard in a while. Besides the fact that they are both incredibly complex and layered characters of their own right (the best to come out of TWDU imho) - their shared journey is such a gold mine in terms of potential - there is angst, real emotional stakes and conflicts, so much freaking build up that was already established (I mean the entire s10 arc was basically the angst-iest fanfiction to ever fanfiction) - and underneath it all - a bond/understanding/love that is so revered by so many (even the non-carylers). AND - the chemistry between the actors is the perfect cherry on top of this fantabulous sundae. I mean, u can create a whole rom com and a half out of it.

The easy route is pairing Daryl up with a character like Isabelle. Because it doesn't take much creativity or much thinking honestly.

In short, if you are going to go with a TV trope - plz don't put your bets on something as tired and tedious as reducing a female characters death so that the man can cry a few tears. Go with the tried and tested and timeless dynamic so many ppl root for (I mean - I only recently joined twitter to get updates on the Book of Carol - and twdcaryl has been trending for like three days straight now - and that Entire hype is created by carylers- they are out there dissecting every teeny tiny bts pic that we get from s3 - and creating fan art and just non stopping talking about it.)

I only finished twd a few months backs and since then, have been obsessed with this dynamic. I can't say I have hopes for canon. And I have never once interacted with this fandom beyond liking posts and devouring caryl fanfiction from so many talented writers here. But this article just seems like the dumbest decision ever (like why dig your own grave)

Me about Caryl...

[dexlexia]

highs and lows - atsumu x reader

pairing: atsumu miya x reader rating: 18+ summary: Atsumu was a freak. He was a small town, backwoods, cocky, sometimes annoying freak. He was also jealous as all hell. And he knew you were aroused by it. tags: jealous!atsumu, pwp, smut, power dynamic, spanking, obsessive!atsmu, pain kink, maybe not the most sane and consensual, protected sex

Atsumu was a freak. He was a small town, backwoods, cocky, sometimes annoying freak. He was also jealous as all hell. And he knew you were aroused by it. 

Atsumu Miya had a hard time sharing, despite having a sibling his entire life he hated sharing what was his. The idea of someone putting their hands all over you that wasn't him made him want to rip out his hair. Any time you were talking to someone that wasn't him, he was stewing in his own jealousy. 

Tonight was no different, he knew you were wet the moment you undressed in the middle of your large, lavish bedroom. Atsumu licked his lips as he watched you slowly make your way to him. 

  “C'mon, babe. Get across my lap.” He smirked as he relaxed his posture slightly while sitting on the bed. His cock was already straining in his slacks. When you got close enough, he pulled you close to him with his large hand and kissed the middle of your abdomen, “I need to remind you who you belong to. Never forget, you're mine.” 

  “Yes, Tsumu.” You responded softly before you easily got over his lap, your perky ass was on display across his lap. You hoped that he'd take off those silver rings before he laid down smacks across your ass. 

He didn't. 

He palmed your sweet ass, he got a good feel of the flesh across his palm. He warmed the skin with his touch and smiled down at the back of your head. He loved when you were like this, so submissive for him. You were PERFECT. And it made him so painfully hard. 

  “Are you going to be good from now on?” He asked quietly before he landed the first strike on your ass. He watched the flesh jiggle. You tensed up and he landed another slap across your ass. 

  “Yes, Tsumu!” You gasp as you gripped the covers under both of you. You felt a burn on your ass as he landed slap after slap. Each strike made you jump but he kept you down on his lap like the good kitten you were.

 “That's good. Because I hate when people talk to ya like that. Get their hands all over you like you belong to them. But I know that you're mine and only mine. You don't want anyone else, right?”

 “No, Tsumu. I don't want anyone else, just you.” You whimpered as he slapped your ass a few more times in quick succession. The skin felt warm from the smacks and you knew you were getting wet from the pain. 

Atsumu licked his lip once more and pushed his erection up against you, the hard-on dug into your skin, “You know what you do to me, baby.” He said softly, “And yet you still wear those damn outfits and talk to those fucking men." He grabbed your bruising cheek and clutched onto it tightly.

  ”I'm sorry, Tsumu.“ You whined as you arch your back from the sharp pain. A stray moan left your lips as he gripped so tightly. He had quite the grip on you, after years of working out he could leave bruises on your sensitive skin this way. 

What you had done to rile up Atsumu? It was wearing a somewhat revealing dress, the straps were thin, the material wasn't thick enough for his liking, but what did he expect? It was summer in Osaka. Jealousy however, did look good on him. The gleam in his eye when he saw you in that dress, when he saw the attention you got from other men at the event. But Atsumu didn't want you to forget that you were HIS. 

He pinned you down to his lap via his warm hands and laid more smacks across your already sore ass. You whined and moaned, there were even a few yelps and whimpers as he bruised your skin. He loved the heat that radiated from your cheeks once he was satisfied with his work on you.

He grabbed you by the chin and made you look up at him. There was a wild look in his eye, that very much enjoyed spanking you. He rubbed his clothed erection up against your bare body. He ran his thumb across your glossed bottom lip, ”Are ya sorry, babe?“ 

You nodded, ”I'm sorry, Tsumu. I should've thought of how you'd feel about what I wore. I wasn't thinking.“ You rubbed your thighs together, your cunt was soaked. You tried to get up from his lap, but he held you down. 

  ”Alright, one more.“ He wound up his arm and slammed his open palm onto your ass, the sound rang in the room followed by your sweet sounds. The sounds made his cock twitch in excitement. He was obsessed with every little noise you made. He knew how to milk them out of you, ”Say yer sorry, babe.“

  ”I'm sorry, Tsumu.“ You whimpered, there was even a small tear in the corner of your eye. 

  ”Aw, well I forgive ya, babe.“ He pulled you up to him, letting you rest your sore body against him as he pulled even further back so you both were resting on the plush bed, ”Ya know I can't stay at ya mad for long“ He kissed the corner of your were where the tear was, ”Now, let's fuck.“ He grinned wildly. He hastily took off his clothes and grinned at you. Once he was nude, he grabbed a condom from the nightstand and put it on, making sure it was on snug. 

You leaned in to kiss him and he dodged the kiss to shove his face in your breasts. Soon he was deeply massaging them while his face was buried. He groaned into them as his cock twitched while fully erect. 

Atsumu was a freak, he loved when you got riled up and had tears in your eyes. He loved when you were aroused beyond words and could let him sink into his tight heat. He just got this look in his eye while he watched you climb back into his laps after he got undressed. 

He licked his lips once more before you straddled his waist once more. He placed those large hands on your waist and felt you sink down onto his cock. He groaned and kicked out his legs as he sat on the edge of the bed with you in his lap, “Oh, ya feel so good!”

  “Thank you, Tsumu.” You replied, wanting to be thankful for your jealous boyfriend. Give him what he wants as you become fully seated on him. He was the one in charge, the one who wanted you more than he wanted air. He'd give up everything if it meant you were his forever. 

Atsumu Miya was never letting you go.  

You started to roll your hips, you held onto his shoulders for support as you haphazardly kneeled very close to the edge of the bed. You tried to keep yourself upright as the corner dug into your knees. You gripped onto him tightly, not as hard as he gripped onto you. 

You moaned and rocked back and forth, letting him get accustomed to your sweet cunt. The feeling was euphoric as he started to pick up the pack. Soon his hands traveled to your ass and gripped it as you rode him. He moaned loudly and leaned in to suck on your breasts as they moved up and down with each of your movements. 

He was like an animal with his pace, his cock throbbed inside of you as he railed you. You were over the moon at the feeling of his cock inside of you. This was how it always ended, he'd punish you, sometimes call names and then have rough sex with you until your head goes blank. The wet sounds of sex in your bedroom as you rode the volleyball player.

Atsumu was loud, he was cocky, he was so full of himself that the idea of his girlfriend being hit on triggered something in his mind. Something that made him want to remind you that you were HIS. No one else's and if you ever were, there would be a big, big problem. 

He tugged at your nipples between his teeth as he palmed your ass and pressed on the bruises. Your moans were euphoric, a mix of pain and pleasure. He licked across your nipple before he bit it again which was followed by a smack on your sore ass.

  “Mine.” He said and you were aroused. 

Atsumu picked up the pace, bouncing you on his cock as he moved up into you. You tried to keep up with the erratic pace that Atsumu had. His mouth hung open like a mutt as he stared up at you. He soon grinned and kissed you on the rib, “No one's ever taking you away from me.”

He was devoted, and you in turn replied, “Of course, Tsumu. I would never want anyone else. You're only mine, my loving boyfriend.” Even if he was an overly possessive freak, you never saw yourself with anyone else. You were too devoted to him as well, you wanted to feel possessed. You wanted Atsumu's love.

Two love sick freaks fucking on their lavish bed all because one got jealous. He groaned through grit teeth before he pressed his lips up against yours. He felt a sense of heightened euphoria as he drilled his cock into you. 

  “I fuckin' love ya.” He declared.

  ”I love you too, Atsumu.“ You replied softly before you kissed him once more. You soon held onto his face for support as he raised and dropped your hips onto his cock at a pace that made your head swirl.

  ”You're so good, so perfect for me. Oh fuck honey, you feel so fuckin' good!“ He groaned as he tilted his head back and moaned. The feeling was euphoric beyond measure. He felt a tenseness in his gut as he approached orgasm, it was an amazing feeling that he could describe, he loved the feeling of fucking our achy cunt. He liked knowing it was all for him, His cock throbbed in you as his pace became more erratic. 

You were on the receiving end of pleasure as he fucked you.Your eyes rolled back at the feeling of his cock buried inside of you, as it pushed up against your most sensitive spots as you tried to keep up.You were clawing down his back as you moved your hips against him.

The sound of sex filled the air as you and you possessive boyfriend fucked on the bed. You could hear Atumu's heavy breathing in your ear as you moved. He gripped even tighter on your ass which made you hiss through your teeth. You moaned wildly as the two of you fucked. 

You moaned loudly as he slapped your ass once more, ”Please, Tsumu. Ah!” You leaned down and kissed him on the lips once more the kiss was sloppy. It was hot and wet as you two made out. His cock still pushed and pulled out of you with every hard thrust. 

  “That's it, that's what I wanna hear. I wanna hear you all loud and needy for me.” He groaned as he gripped even tighter on you and pushed you up and down on him. The pace was the fastest you've ever gone with another person. 

  “Please, Tsumu!” You moaned, your mouth hung open slightly as he fucked up into you at a rapid pace. 

Atsumu kept with a relentless pace that made your toes curl as he pounded into you. You held on tightly as he rammed into you at such a pace that you were left a shaking mess. In all honesty you had even forgotten what you had don to earn such a punishment but you couldn't care less. 

With another hard thrust, you both came at the same time. You dropped fully into Atsumu's arms and he pulled you both into bed, still continuing to rub his soft cock inside of your wet heat until he eventually pulled out. 

He kissed you on the lips gently as he observed your limp state. He carefully rubbed your ass and said, “No one else could ever make you feel this good. You're mine forever.”

He said it as a matter of fact, nothing could ever separate you two. 

[bookwormbynight]

The idea behind this fanfic (Null Hypothesis) has fucking grabbed me by the balls guys this motherfucker set off my ryulawlight spiral.

Now, the author has gone in a very different direction than my mind went (more power to em, we're not all Light-obsessed freaks lmao). The main ship is Ryuk/L and Light is only technically involved by both character's shared histories with him which brought them together in the first place. Light has fucked off elsewhere to get comphet married to Misa as the author put it. Poor Light 😭😭 If where that's going interests you, please go check it out because the first chapter is well-written and seems like some pretty good set-up.

Here's what my brain did: saw this in the summary (which hasn't been changed with the author's redrafting as far as I can tell? mayhaps I'm misinterpreting) and went O_O

Guys. If you fucking combined this premise?? With the timeline of my Yotsuba arc headcanons (compiled in Looking For Heaven, Found the Devil In Me)?? And that one post I made where I lamented the fact that that L didn't just fucking burn the notebook?? Hhhhhhhh I'm so mad this fic only exists in my head I would like to read it so much 😭😭

L gets a confession or some shit, finds the other notebook, sends Light off, and burns both death notes, but not before Ryuk is like "oh shit notebook ownership" and comes down to earth JUST in time to watch him do it, which surprises him enough that he drops his own death note on accident and now he's trapped because L snatches it up. L owns his notebook. So he can't kill him and he's stuck following this motherfucker around. In the meantime, Light's memories are permanently destroyed (unless?)

L and Light are sort-of exes but also sort of not bc their relationship was never official, Light breaks it off IMMEDIATELY with Misa because he now has literally zero reason in his head that he should possibly stay with her (I'm sure that would cause fallout too more plot Misa gets a character arc?? Villain arc to redemption and self-acceptance arc?? God I want that for her let her be evil and then let her realize boys are overrated and she's kickass all by herself). L's like 👉👈 well I'm staying in Japan for now 🥺 if u want to have sex again 🥺🥺 and maybe we could go on a real date 🥺🥺? For mixed reasons - a good chunk is just that he would like to and another driving factor as opposed to just letting it go is he and Ryuk are NOT getting along and he is AWARE of how Ryuk feels about Light. Ryuk would be screaming and might (probably will) cause invisible shinigami shenanigans. Light would kinda (really) like to take L up on his offer but their relationship is also hindered by his own trauma that L fucking caused and also he's Very Concerned because Light ALREADY had suspicions that he might be Kira against all of his hopes BEFORE they found the notebook and all of a sudden the case is just resolved and he's totally off the hook and he can tell Something Happened but L just keeps insisting "no no, no Kira here don't worry Light you are not Kira :)". It would be setting off so many alarm bells for him. All of these plot threads weave together and resolve themselves in a satisfying way that I can't discover by reading for myself because it doesn't fucking exist. I need sleep and help.

Edit: Y'all the original author is on Tumblr! @main-exam

[oneforthemunny]

okay SO. i know i don't even go here, i'm a janitor!eddie girlie BUT i feel very strongly about hockey!eddie because he's insane but also so dumb and i love dumbasses. anyways. i was reading what you said about him being grossed out by his teammates when they cheat and i had this idea so i wanna share it with you

imagine, if you will, that reader becomes really good friends with another hockey wife. young couple, maybe they recently had a baby and reader is obsessed, eddie is obsessed because omg my girl with a baby why is this awakening something in me, it's all very cute. double dates type of shit, maybe this is the first time reader has felt included in the wives and girlfriends club! and then eddie's teammate cheats on his wife and reader finds out. she's DEVASTATED because that's her friend!!!! that's her adopted nephew/niece!!! why would that asshole do that??? so ofc she goes and tells eddie and eddie is LIVID. next day at the locker room eddie breaks his nose or something lmao

god this is so sick and so good because i feel it. like i can see it so vividly.

she finally gets into the group, feels apart of it, and is enjoying herself. plus, she's with this other wife, who seemingly has made it work ya know? husband still plays and she's with him, but also has a balance to her life and schedule, and a baby??? it's like everything reader has wanted, and she's seeing someone have it, and it gives her hope. like all these fears, they're silly bc this can work!

eddie's close with the teammate, but not the most close, bc they're on opposite sides (defense and offense) so they don't really practice and play as much. but still, he likes him, thinks he's a cool guy.

they all get super close, especially during off season, and hang out all the time. guys got a wife, a career, a baby? he's older, been traded before and kinda takes eddie under his wing. truly, they're very very fast friends.

then they go out one night. maybe they had a press thing to do, or a team meeting, decide to go for a beer after it.

eddie's thinking nothing of it, they're sitting at some bar or club or whatever, and next thing he knows, there's two girls?? the guy had called them?? he kisses the one girl in greeting and eddie is immediately sick to his stomach. floored, shocked, disgusted, hurt- all of the above.

he leaves, right there. no warning, nothing, just leaves. is visibly shaken when he tells you later, rambling, eyes wide, just perplexed.

i feel like he wouldn't jump right into beating him. you both talk and are like "no way, there's no way, right?" maybe they're in an open relationship? maybe they swing? maybe they're freaky like that?

so eddie tries to talk to him the next day about it. "i know you'd never do that, man. i'm sorry. i just, i kinda freaked."

but his teammate doesn't reassure him. doesn't tell him that his wife knows. he kinda gets quiet. "i mean, no, she doesn't know, but she really doesn't need to. now does she?" he kinda shrugs. "i mean, we just had a baby, and ya know, she's so tired all the time. it'd be shitty of me to ask her."

eddie is, once again, sick. jaw dropped, he can't even speak, he's so fucking sick. "plus the road gets lonely. you know what i mean." the teammate continues. "look, i love my wife. i don't think there's anything wrong with getting a little something every now and then. it's purely physical. i wear a rubber, get what i need, and come home and keep them happy. i mean, what's the point of causing issues in my own marriage, when i could do this? take care of it."

"you don't think fucking around on your wife is causing issues in your own marriage?" eddie sneers.

"no." he scoffs. "not unless she finds out. what she doesn't know won't hurt her, right?" he shakes his head, shrugs it off nonchalantly. "look, kid, i get it. you're in love right now with your girl. it's all about her and nothings better, and that's great. for now. then you'll want a little more, and, hey, there's nothing wrong with that. it's biologically encoded in our dna as mammals to need more than one mate. monogamy, it's barbaric. and you'll understand. one day... you know, shit won't look the same, feel the same, and you'll-"

that's when eddie breaks his teeth. knocks him clear out, his coaches and team mates running to break it up, confused why there's a fight on the sidelines? no regrets from eddie. he got fined, had to run suicides until he threw up, but it was worth it. knocking that piece of shit out, totally worth it.

[localplaguenurse]

hii its amorette—can i just say i freaked out when i saw capillaries updated?? i loved the latest chapter so so much!!

i love how you characterize dottore and wanted to ask if you have any tips on how you write him / things you keep in mind while writing him, since your fic really inspired me to try writing my own! i hope you have a nice day :DD

Hi Amorette!!! Glad you liked it!

I saw this right as my first break at work ended and suffice to say, it’s been on my mind all day. You’ve opened a Pandora’s box, you’re getting a whole character analysis, because Dottore is actually a royal pain to write about so I have to REALLY study this bastard. The first half is going to be just purely on his canon traits, and the rest are my interpretations and headcanons.

So canonically, Dottore is very prideful and driven by the pursuit of knowledge. No subject is off limits to him, and he doesn’t care about how ethical or moral his research is. Whatever he needs to do, he’ll do it, the ends justify the means. He’s been obsessed with surpassing the gods since he was young, which is why he was ostracized by society. Sohreh’s notes describe him as initially “frigid,” but then she goes on to say she had a good time working with him and is looking forward to spending more time with him (Rip Sohreh). He created segments of himself from different ages as a way to surpass the limits of human cognition, and because they could offer their own individual contributions to his research. Omega is described as more selfish since he was the one to nuke the other segments for the gnosis, and Webttore/Beta is more manic and prone to mood swings. Also, none of the segments like each other.

That’s all the canon stuff. With that alone, you already have a pretty solid start for how to write him. He’s a man who views himself above the people who rejected him and wants to surpass the gods that ignored him. He doesn’t really care about keeping company and he barely gets along with himself. He’ll do anything in the pursuit of knowledge and doesn’t care if someone has to die for him to get it done. If Sohreh’s notes are anything to go by, he may have been antisocial but not completely opposed to finding connection, but that’s up to how you personally interpret her notes and subsequent death. He’s very calculating, and though he does resent the gods, he’s at least mature enough to hold it together for a conversation.

Now, onto my personal take on Dottore, which I’ve sprinkled through the fic already but it won’t hurt to share here :3

So the one key thing I have latched onto personally is his name. Zandik. By this point we all know it means “heretic” but really think about that for a second. That is the name of a man who was born in a world where gods are not only real, but they actually interact with the populace. Maybe it was because my bestie got me into Ethel Cain, but I started thinking about the implications/potential of religious trauma. What sort of homelife would a kid have when his own parents named him heretic when god is actually real? Certainly not a very pleasant life. Of course at some point he’d develop a hatred of gods when he’s been seen as a blasphemous monster since he was born. Of course he’d despise society as a whole, they’ve despised him from the start. This isn’t something he asked for, but it’s all he has. He did no wrong and yet all the world hated him for being born, what did they expect him to turn into?

As a result, my personal interpretation of Dottore is that he is still that prideful, cold and calculating scientist that hates the gods and isn’t afraid to do awful things to prove it, but he is also, deep down, motivated by validation. At the very least, that’s how this all started. At this point he’s become more callous, but there’s a part of him that wants to be appreciated, genuinely, by someone or something. This would have been especially prevalent in his younger self/segments, because he’s not as “mature” as he is now. If you cut through the 400 years of his callous cruel ways, you might find a little boy full of pain and anger asking what he did to deserve all of this. 

… TLDR: He’s very smart, very callous, thinks very highly of himself, and I write him as one of those “they treated me like the villain so I became the villain they feared most” characters with a splash or religious trauma for flavour.

If you want to, you're more than welcome to use some of my characterization if you ever write about him! Honestly, for as big a pain in the ass he is to write, he's really interesting to explore as a character! It's actually why my favourite chapters/moments so far are the backstory ones, or whenever he's reflecting on his relationship with widow. He's a bastard and I love him.

[coffeegnomee]

Training my brain to learn that caring about something does not mean someone will die and it will all be lost.

Cw - death, OCD, mcyt death, dsmp and lifesteal, triggers

This is, obviously, something super personal. But sharing about it is what scares me, so I’m going to do it anyway and prove to my brain that it’s okay to care.

If you end up reading it, know you just read my heart. I hope it helps you process whatever you’re dealing with <3. 

I looked up OCD tonight because my brain constantly cycles through the same thoughts and worries about Lifesteal like Non Stop. Like I know I’m ADHD but this isn’t just a fixation on this server, but like debilitating spirals of thought. And all focused around analyzing if it’s all going to fall apart or not. 

They say ocd is a “limbic system impairment that occurs when someone experiences a traumatic physical or emotional event while their chronic stress load is already high.”

And that freaking resonated. They say exposure therapy can rewire the brain so let’s go explore what’s the event that’s keeping me spiraling.

My chronic stress load was extremely high that summer two years ago. And then Technoblade died. The longer it’s been the more I really sit with the fact that that was traumatic.

On top of the stress personally, now my favorite YouTuber, my comfort character on dsmp, the freaking anchor of that server, was just gone. Gone.

Dreamsmp came in a time of some pretty heavy depression. Obviously the pandemic was still occurring so that’s a chronic stress load itself (I found it January 16th 2021, so like, three days before the disc finale, but almost a year into covid) and watching through all the streams I was able to completely escape.

For the first time in months I was laughing. Like deep belly laughs. Full body. Actual joy. The neural rewiring my brain those first months was insane. It was pure serotonin.

I became motivated to work again, having something fun in the background. I looked forward to cherishing the lore, keeping those streams to the side for the evenings when I could really immerse myself into the story.

There’s a two-fold trigger that sends me into a spiral around loosing the thing that makes me happy. Unfortunately at the time, the things causing the chronic stress in my life stemmed from the things that used to bring me fulfillment and joy and purpose. They were being taken away, by my own choice, and from my health (more on that later).

So in the void of having my real-life anchors to bring fulfillment, dreamsmp was the thing keeping this whole body going. Truly a hanging on by a thread moment.

But even then, it’s not just about "loosing the thing that makes me happy" that causes these obsessive thoughts.

It’s the irrational connection that because the lore changed and the dynamic of the server stalled, that THAT therefore somehow that lead to Techno dying. (yes. An irrational and non related thought. I just realized with writing that that I have truly merged both those events so closely that when the first happens, I cannot let go of the idea of the second. I’m sitting here expecting someone to irl die.)

Huh. That’s interesting. 

It’s like, I read this from some random instagram post years ago. This woman’s husband died on a sunny day and then years later sunny days fill her with dread as if the weather was signaling that she would come home to the death of a loved on.

That’s what’s going on in my noggin.

Because it’s Quackity’s lore that changed the fabric of the dreamsmp. It didn’t have to, but it did. It came at the perfect storm when everyone was super burnt out and needed to run away from the insanity of both the fans and the haters and the sudden massive fame. 

He decided to do pre-recorded movies. On my live-stream smp. The very fabric of lore was changed. 

And because of the larger production, it took longer, and the other members of the server seemed to not know where to take their personal lore; everyone was waiting for that damn casino to open. And since all the lore ended up happening in pre-recordings we never again experienced that magic of live stream entertainment and improv and dumb bits. Everything was sanitized. For their own sanity, sure. But at the expense of the survival of the server. (Also Techno wasn’t available because of the chemo, so truly nothing was happening on any end of the server)

That perfect storm, loosing interest in the server and the lore being fundamentally changed, set the stage for the traumatic moment of loosing a member. That's my two-fold trigger.

And his death sealed the deal. I’ve never held it against them for not wanting to continue after. Season 2 was impossible the moment that happened. 

My chronic stress had exploded so far that my thyroid was fucked and I’m diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, an autoimmune disease that keeps me fatigued more often than not. Besides that, my other main chronic stress was a realization that the Future I had always expected myself to take, the Plan that I had set out, I was suddenly extremely Not Sure I wanted to do anymore. 

But I had confidently told my friends and family for over 8 years that this is what I wanted (all this during college and after. I was already 26 at this time) (yes I’m old) (yes life is still crazy when you’re old) (but you start understanding yourself better). It was in this understanding of myself that I realized my direction needed to change.

Suddenly my whole identity I had built for myself was swept out from under me. 

At that. same. dang. time. That same week. That’s when the news broke. Literally broke me to pieces. 

And I hadn’t told anyone I was obsessed with Minecraft lore. Like bro. I’m out of college for a few years. Get a life. (But man. My eyes just light up when I think about this method of story telling. It’s just goated)

My mom sort of knew. She didn’t understand but at least I could tell her someone died and she had some sort of connection that I had been following this kid for over a year now. 

But no one else. The sorrow and pain of loss is just so much worse when you can’t explain why you cared about someone so much. It’s not like my parent died. Or sibling. It was a kid I had never met in person but I resonated with so much. 

And I remember distinctly thinking “It’s not worth not sharing the things you care about with other people”. Burned into my brain that day.

But time heals all wounds. Until something triggers it. 

I spent the next year just following Foolish, that ray of sunshine who was involved enough to have become my comfort streamer, but not too involved that it was painful to watch because of the memories.

It was a crazy fun year. Best comfort streamer. But people change, I change, and I missed Minecraft lore. You can only watch so much valorant before it’s just the same game.

Foolish found out he was on QSMP (I think it actually was before, I think he knew about the server before it was announced) and he started looking at Minecraft content and Minecraft builds again. For the first time in over a year. It was such a random day. 

But we watched Sandiction and… Rekrap2. 

Both of them stole my heart and I went, maybe it’s time to return to mcyt. See what’s been brewing.

And before I knew it I was on a month-long binge of Lifesteal content and just so absolutely lost as to what order everything came out in or what season everything was from. Shoutout them being allergic to click baiting “Lifesteal” or adding season tags to the description. It’s such a mess on Youtube lol.

Soon enough I found Baconnwaffles1. Not 0. 1. Somehow found his second channel first.

The videos caught my eye. I knew they were streams and I was trying to find the vods, but as you know Bacon doesn’t have a vods channel and his streams delete after 14 days. 

But then finally the fated video crossed my path: “This is PrinceZam and he just betrayed his teammates”

Oh my goddess what in the world is going on in this server. 

I needed to know. 

So began the true binge. Found Zam’s vods, watched season 4. And I discovered something amazing.

I have genuinely never resonated more with a character than I resonated with Zam season 4.

Every internal debate of Zam resonated with my own dilemmas. People pleasing and understanding what you value came to a head, and only one could win. But truly your values are the only real option because every moment of people pleasing will rub against your soul like hot coals. 

Remember those chronic stressors? The life I didn’t know if I wanted anymore?

As Zam walked between conversations with friends, teammates, and enemies, I recognized similar conversations in my life. 

I could describe the situation one way, and the person would agree and give advice. But then I realized I could describe the situation in a different light and then maybe they wouldn’t agree anymore. So I didn’t know what advice to take.

And then chat was so funny. The day before the wormhole they started giving too many opinions, the same opinions they had been giving for weeks, and in a flash I was like, omg he’s going to spiral again guys why are you like this. 

And then he was like, OMG chat, YOU’RE the problem! There’s too many of you and I’m trying to make everyone happy.

If I tell you I jumped up, screamed, giggled, and floundered around like a crazy person it wouldn’t even come close to what happened. I was so proud of Zam for realizing his emotions were being swayed by the barest opposition. From that third person point of view, I could so clearly see what was going wrong and I was cheering him on to realizing what he truly wanted.

I did, and still do, see so many of the decision making problems that Zam has, within myself. As a piece of media, and him being a character, it’s the craziest most relatable story I have ever seen. I’ve never resonated with a character more. 

Then we reached season 5. 

The first season I truly watched as it came out. I had gotten too obsessed with this Minecraft world. I wanted more. I loved these kids and their storytelling. 

But it was the first season when people started leaving the server on good terms.

Oh no. This sounds too familiar. People are loosing interest in the server I love. What’s next, a change in the fabric of how lore is created? 

Then there was a change in the fabric of how the lore was created.

We saw the new members approach the server with a recording-mindset. Who weaponized the lore against the old server members. Pretending they cared about the yapping but then revealing that in itself was a complete and total lie used to get you into the perfect position to either spoil the whole riddle or shoot you with an arrow canon.

And then. Not. Care. At. All. Zero remorse.

I don’t know why the betrayals by Jumper hurt so badly. But it hurt. A lot. (I was triggered that’s why) My emotional reaction was out of proportion to reality.

It’s not like it wasn’t a Lifesteal move, people had gotten into position to betray in the past, and would continue to do so in the future with Leo and Clown betraying Minute. 

But it was that “I have no remorse over the hours we spent as a team, not a single thread of care to you or to the yapping lore of this server”. It’s one thing to be betrayed by an enemy. Quite another to be betrayed by a friend.

So here I began. Triggered by something that wasn’t world ending. Quackity’s take on lore didn’t kill the server. Neither did Jumper’s. It was probably going to be fine.

But like. My brain is not agreeing. So I’m pushing back on it. 

Here’s what I’m finding.

This is a fun tidbit - when Mapic said “streams are delayed” when he was in the hospital before the finale I could not convince myself that he didn’t had cancer and wasn’t going to die. Bro. Tell me you’re triggered without telling me you’re triggered. (In case you didn’t see, it was just a concussion)

I’m so hyper aware of everything that could indicate I’m going to loose someone I care about again.

The pattern recognition is going out of control. 

And I keep trying to calm my brain down and catalogue all the reasons I know and believe Lifesteal will be perfectly fine for probably a while. Like how they have meetings all the time to discuss what went down on the server. They’re talking all the time to work out interpersonal problems and lore problems so that everyone is happy and feels heard. And they’re watching movies together. Meeting up and strengthening relationships. Changing admins as necessary. 

And I say it again. 

And again. 

And again. 

Every time something throws the smallest pebble at stability I walk my brain back through all the indicators that everything will be fine. 

Jumper:

Jumper loves being on the server. She’s said it. She’s so excited about it. She did have a plan. She didn’t tell us the plan as it went, but she does stream. She’s getting comfortable with the idea of streaming, she’ll learn to trust chat over time. She’ll learn how to loose gracefully on this server at some point. Probably. hopefully. And since I don’t know when that will be I’ll just have to wait until season 6 and see what happens. It’s out of my control. She’s fine. It’ll be fine. 

Pentar:

Pentar is fine. He doesn’t understand why chat would tell him he’s the most likely to betray even though every video he betrays. Why is he doing that that’s so weird. But he’s a great teammate and everyone likes having him around. I don’t like how he laughs at Zam, but like I can give him the benefit of the doubt that he just doesn’t take anything seriously and laughs in the face of anything serious. I’ll have to wait and see until next time to see how I feel about what he does on the server. Real life can’t be repeated over and over so just let it go. It’ll be fine.

Minute:

Minute is just so happy to be in Lifesteal. He loves it so much. You can tell by how he speaks every time there’s a group moment. He’s going to be admin next season. He loves this server. He may be overly attached to the Rules and have black and white thinking and he sometimes wields that for his own gain and I hate when he does that can he just have fun and take things less seriously? But I think he’ll get it. He’s competent. And he loves the server. He wouldn’t destroy it even on accident because someone would call him out before that happens. It’s going to be fine. 

Ash: 

Ash can be mean and also not care about the good that our side is doing and just wave them away saying they’re just evil. He does’t get it. But also he’s quite the actor. He puts on a lore face when he logs on, you can see it in season 4 with the wormhole. You can see it when he logs on for the justice league returns and he’s so committed to being good and fighting evil and as Zam is killing Mid in the background and he’s all shocked as if he was not the one who goaded Zam into killing her moments before. It’s a character. Even when it feels like it shouldn’t be. He does take random events in stride, pulling up the meditation guidance video when they all got killed. He’s stressed out by it, but also takes it with some levity. He’ll be fine. He just chose a questionable character to act this season and didn’t know how to balance his position as admin separate from his need to win. But he’ll be fine.

Can you see how this is exhausting? This is my brain on the daily. 

Every day I find myself working through each person one after another as something small comes up to threaten the balance, or reinforce the good.

This is when I noticed this wasn’t simple excitement about the lore, thinking and guessing about what might happen.  It was the same thoughts over and over and over. And I couldn’t stop a line of thought until I mentioned all the things. That’s what made me look up ocd. 

But back to it, I’m actually so much more okay with Ash because it’s been a couple seasons with him. I’m starting to see his tells. So I can just let the rough parts slide away. 

And that’s really what I just have to accept. That I can’t self soothe my way into being okay. Resisting acknowledging what I’m afraid of is just making me spiral more. 

We’ve seen people choose to leave after stressful seasons. We know some people become aware that they aren’t cut out for Lifesteal. Or they just don’t want to be. Some of these members might decide that. And Lifesteal has continued despite members leaving. 

OMg can I please stop cataloging how it will be fine?

I have to sit with the reality and realize nothing bad DID happen, NOT that nothing bad MIGHT happen. 

(This is unironically so counterintuitive to my brain. What do you mean I have to just accept that nothing bad happened, what if something bad does happen!) (But that’s what anxiety looks like. That’s not a good)

How do you convince yourself that you can’t predict the future? Asking for a friend.

I think it goes back to caring. I don’t think I’m allowed to care about any of this. That it’s silly, or dumb, or immature. 

It was, in fact, in caring itself that the loss of Techno was so painful.

So I don’t allow myself to care. To get too invested. Any time I see that I’m caring I push up on the walls of my trenches and shove that shit out. Only analytical thoughts in here. Measurable, quote-filled analyses.

But caring does not therefore mean there will be a loss.

So. Okay. Pivot. What am I really afraid of? 

I’m afraid the server will end. That something will make Zam give up and leave. 

Wow. I thought that was going to be a long ass paragraph but it really is just that. I know I’ll stop watching lifesteal if Zam is gone. Unless someone new comes in that has his same spark and dedication. Unlikely. 

So that threat is the worst. 

And I’ve seen his interest wax and wane. I know he can disappear for a month. 

But I also know he can come back. And he’s been a lot more mature and healthy and confident in being the streamer of Lifesteal. In how much he loves the server. 

Which is where pb&j being such a threat to the fabric of how lore is done is so scary, because that changes Zam’s care. But then again. It really didn’t. He just pivots. 

One of the most healing things has been watching the old members leave and continue to make content. And seeing how they choose to make their exit. They honored the server and the time they were there, in Rek’s case uplifting Lifesteal.net, in Parrot’s in completely reediting all his footage into a cohesive story. 

And then they still make content together. All the members make content with each other outside of Lifesteal. (And those that left the internet forever, that was okay too)

So that’s nice. Some bad things came to pass, and they've shown their response to it. Also Zam taking a break didn’t change how the lore was created, so that wouldn’t be a trigger. 

The trigger from that fear would be if he did leave, my brain would go into high gear looking for who was going to die. And I would have a new post to write lol. 

The trigger that is still tilting me is that pb&j changed how the lore was made, and my brain went *danger* *danger* This is something that happened last time and you know how that turned out! Start looking for who is going to die!

And it stopped me from seeing how this is not the same situation. The pattern for a death that I think I’m seeing, is not a pattern. 

And sitting with how nothing DID go wrong, that fear did not come to pass, is exposure therapy.

Because nothing went catastrophically wrong with the season 5 finale. I just keep closing my eyes, sitting in the problematic lore, and not accepting what actually happened at the end of the season, and freaking out that disaster is coming.

So what happened?

Season 5, you tried to kill my server. 

But The server resisted. (Hahahah undertale reference!)

Clown came back. Ro came back. Branzy betrayed everyone for Clown. Bacon and Zam sat in vc the entire finale fight. Mapicc fought until he couldn’t.

Spepticle gave his account then fought for it back. Pangi gave his account. Spoke gave his account. Red did the blessings/curses as Zam wanted. 4C said he was glad to give Minute the presidency because he knew Minute wanted peace and he knew peace was not an option in Lifesteal. Actually the quietest of goats. Didn’t realize he thought that deeply about the server. 

And it meant so much that Clownpierce, who hasn’t been meaningfully involved since the season 3 finale, came back and fought for his server. He made Lifesteal season 2. It’s always been his domain and he fought for its soul.

That’s the season 5 finale. 

The Players fought for Lifesteal. The server resisted destruction. 

This chapter is closed. This season got it’s ending. And it’s “not like last time” like my brain keeps thinking. 

The season might have ended with a lot of unknowns for how it will affect season 6. Will these old members still care? Will pb&j be a menace still? 

But what happened was a moment where everyone came together to care about the server. And that means the anxiety was unfounded. If something happens like this again, I have an example where everything didn’t fall apart to counter my fear that it will. 

See you around!

If you actually read to the end you’re amazing. Hopefully this is something you can do in your life to help understand what is the cause of your pain and anxiety. I wasn’t going to post it initially, but working it out as a post I could theoretically show to other people helped make it way more real than trying to work it out in my head, talking to myself. I had to write it in such a way that someone else would understand. Even if I didn’t post it. 

I’ll probably have many more days of writing when I notice a new trigger. Exposure therapy isn’t a one and done. (I probably won’t post any of those.)

But my body feels so much more relaxed now. Something has shifted in my head as a result of writing this all down.

Good luck!

[ur-local-demon1]

"Why does everyone hate Aoikane so much? They literally complete each other, freak" <- Actual post I saw on Pinterest which made me feel less guilty for always bitching about Akane and Aoikane. What if I told you that this is the exact reason I hated them?

Aoikane is a co-dependent relationship and a really well-written one at that! Iro-Sensei perfectly captured what fearful and anxious attachment styles look like when they meet each other and when there's obsession in the mix. That's why, if you ship Aoikane in the sense that it's your "junk food escapism" (Cinema Therapy) and with the understanding that they should not get together in canon, then that's awesome! Honestly, we should go back to the olden days where shipping something did not mean you wanted it to be canon, but I digress.

I am once again quoting Cinema Therapy but it's not my fault they make such good points. "The idea of 'You complete me' is romantic but it's actually unhealthy. […] 'You supplement me' sounds far less romantic but it's actually indicative of a healthy relationship." (Jonathan Decker, licensed couple's therapist) The point that Jonathan makes is that you choose to share your life with someone in spite of being able to have a fulfilling life without them. However, Akane has been shown multiple times to be incapable of living without Aoi. It surprised me that Nene of all people never called him out on it, but Akane does not love Aoi, he loves loving her and needs to be needed. He doesn’t have to work on himself and become his own person if he likes Aoi, because he can work towards becoming a guy she would date instead. The idea that he does not know who he is without Aoi scares him, so he holds her tight and doesn’t let go without realising that it’s hurting them both. I sincerely hope that they stop being part of each other’s lives because this co-dependency is extremely harmful. Akane deserves to find friends, hobbies and passions that don’t revolve around a romantic partner.

Anyway, TL;DR: It's cool if you ship Aoikane as long as you don't ignore their co-dependency issues. And also don't call people who don't like a ship you like freaks, you freak(～￣▽￣)～

[distort-opia]

Fascinated by your tags about the superficial similarities between Bruce & Joker (sweet tooths, jazz lovers, etc. I think they both like black and white films too, iirc) Could you elaborate, please? It's really interesting to me how two opposites can still end up enjoying so many of the same things.

Thank you! I don't know how much more I can elaborate on that, but it's fascinating to me as well-- these more personal similarities between characters like Batman and Joker. They're so larger-than-life, since they're cultural icons and basically modern myths at this point, to us readers. But even within their own Universe, they're such feared and powerful figures, perceived almost as forces of nature and symbols of order and chaos, forever locked in a war. But the thing is, at the end of the day, they are people. Human beings. And it's very interesting to see them share likes and dislikes, or relate to the other in these simple ways that signify connection.

At least in my view, Bruce and Joker are very... autistic4ADHD :)) They share traits belonging to these spectrums, especially how obsessive they can both be about certain things. They're both the type to feel the need to write, draw, sketch what's on their mind. Bruce's penchant for keeping journals is well-known, and Joker has been shown to write down his plans and his thoughts many times as well. It's something Bruce even knows about him and uses (more than once he's uncovered Joker's plans because he was like "guys wait there's gotta be some paper around here where Joker scribbled"). They both like solving puzzles, keep their minds occupied... it always amused me how in The Long Halloween, Joker's motivation is basically curiosity and needing to find out Holiday's identity just like Bruce, except his methods of uncovering it are a lot more murderous. Also, depending on the bits of canon you prefer to believe, both of them generally abstain from drinking alcohol.

But the thing is, what would make it work is that they have many more differences than similarities, but in a complementary way. Joker's a freaking chatterbox and Bruce prefers not to speak that much, and would be content with just listening and cutting in when he needs to. Bruce has a habit of repressing his emotions and denying them, Joker is a hedonist and always put his own wants first; he'd be goading Bruce and badgering him with questions until he admitted to things he was burying (much like he already does in canon, except... less mean, lol). Bruce has a control streak the size of a planet, and Joker has one too, but in a very different way-- so, when Bruce would inevitably try to manipulate him or get him to listen to him, Joker would fight back in a way Bruce wouldn't be able to overlook. That might mean Joker destroying and/or threatening to maim people, but efficiency is what's at play here. And so on... even Joker's tendency to cycle through interests and be obsessed with one thing today, something else tomorrow, would work out well; because Bruce likes to give people things. He's not good with words or physical affection, but God knows he's got a lot of money and willingness to spend it.

Hah, I said I don't have that much to elaborate on, but this still ended up quite long. Hope you enjoyed reading through my rambles!

[hazelfoureyes]

To add onto the ace conversation, I wanna add my journey!

TW it gets kinda heavy at the end-

My journey was literally SO messy omg and this is gonna sound so silly but

My mom and I used to watch this show called rupauls drag race when I was little. I used to think the men were pretty and all when they were out of drag but WHEN THEY WERE IN DRAG??? omg I was in love, I thought they were so pretty 😭. NOW YOU CAN SEE WHY THIS IS CONFUSING. Technically, they are men, but they look like women, and you only like them when they look like women. I was scared and confused with this newfound information so I repressed it 💀

During my teen years, ig I was just like everyone else, a lil sex obsessed freak (idk how to put it but YKNO HOW PEOPLE ACTED IN HIGH SCHOOL 😭 ). Watch porn, reading smut, the whole shebang. I eventually found out I like both girls and boys (with a preference for girls). BUT one day I sat down and realized I haven’t had a real crush with a real life person since like elementary school 🧍‍♀️

Everyone was losing their virginity’s and talking about how great sex was and blah blah blah. It’s embarrassing but I thought sex was gonna be AWESOME and I COULD NOT WAIT to just GET RID of mine 💀. Like if I lost my virginity it would put everything in place.

Jump forward to when I’m 19-20 and I get my first “real” boyfriend. I was kinda out? I was telling my friends what I was bisexual. I told my boyfriend when we were in the “talking stage” and he was really supportive, or so I thought, long story short he was just like, THE WORST PERSON EVER. He was sexually/emotionally abusive, 0/10 person.

⚠️TW: S*XUAL ASSAULT, DR*GS, R*PE⚠️

⚠️ I wanna say that I’m only laughing about this because it’s my coping mechanism ig but I just wanna say that there was multiple instances that he used to take advantage of me while I was under the influence and then gaslight me into thinking it was ok the day after.

If they’re is ANYONE reading this that is in a situation like I was in, please for the love of god leave them. NO it’s NOT normal. They don’t love you. The abuse will only get worse the longer you stay. ⚠️

And on top of all that HE OUTED ME 🧍‍♀️ so that was fun. Anyways back to the sex, it was bad. I thought men not knowing where the clit is was a meme but it’s true 😭 mans would rub my left lip for 5 minutes and act if I came. Losing my virginity DID NOT ��put everything in place”. Well i guess maybe it did in a sense. I never wanted to do it again.

But on the other hand, I’ve read that sex is a beautiful thing. Deep down, some parts of me yearn to have that special connection with someone. I want to feel what real love is. What it’s really like to make love. And not just have someone tell me they love me while they selfishly use me. Words are just words but I know there has to be more to it.

Anyways that’s where my journey is right now, I’ve been doing some real soul searching these past few months. Tumblr has really helped me in trying to figure this whole thing out. Am I ace? Idk. But it’s what I closely resonate with for the time being.

God labels are confusing as hell 😭 why can’t I just be me

I’m me-sexual 🥳

I was a little worried at first sharing this as it is heavy! But, the fact is, sometimes we are waiting for someone to bring up a heavy topic so we can share/vent our own story. Certain heavy topics just...don't come up often or organically. So I hope if someone needs it they can use this as a reason to start a conversation they've been waiting for a chance to have!

What happened to you was beyond unacceptable treatment and I am so so sorry you had to suffer through that literal abuse. I suffered through quite a bit myself and it really skewed and damaged my relationship to sex for a long time in ways I couldn’t perceive so I absolutely hear you! It sounds like you’re doing the heavy lifting of trying to heal and be a fully formed you and I’m so proud of you! The hardest part is acknowledging that hey, maybe there’s some shit still left to figure out about myself.

As you continue in life you may find your awful experiences had some effect on how you view and enjoy (or not enjoy) sex.

I am a huge advocate for sexual health, in knowing yourself intimately for your own pleasure but also for safety and comfort!

I really hope you’ve taken time to learn about yourself and what things you like and don’t like when it comes to physical pleasure. If that’s something you have an interest in!

Personally I’ve thought I hated things and later realized nooo I just experienced it first with someone terrible at it. 😅 but when I did it I found it kicked ass. (**cough** anal **cough cough*)

There is more to sex, I hear! I’ve never made love and the idea is so unattractive to me, but! Darling, sex does exist thats full of love and connection and meaning that serves so many more purposes than getting off. So I’m adamantly told! If it’s something you want I hope you find someone or someones who can provide it. 🥺

It’s so funny you mention horny teenagers because in middle school and into high school everyone was pairing up. And I thought, “Relationships are what you do when you want sex. And I don’t need sex. I’m still young. So… why would I get a boyfriend? My friends fulfill my needs otherwise.” (Still….so closeted 😂)

Because I was aromantic and the term just like—- didn’t exist in my world so I didn’t know, I didn’t realize people were dating for non-sex reasons 💀 but then I got a boyfriend and had sex in high school and was like “OH SHIT THIS IS THE BEST?? AM I A NYMPHO NOW. MY HAND COULD NEVER?”

The beautiful thing about still being here is that you have the freedom and the time to decide or not decide anything! Research, talk to people and read in forums of people learning to find their place. Question everything— are there parts of people you find sexually attractive? If yes, okay let’s start there! I realized I was pansexual first because of my attraction to androgyny. “I’m not a lesbian—- dick good. But also… pussy good??? Tits good??? That person could have any of those things and.. I don’t care? I still want them carnally?!”

If no sexual attraction to people at all (pretty standard definition Ace in that case!), then okie dokie, totally can still want to enjoy sex! It’s more than about sexual attraction as we are cerebral creatures. That’s still valid! If you did want to be physically intimate are there things you’d be okay with doing and not doing? Or things you’d want to do that maybe you couldn’t with certain people? Is your idea of what sex is being really narrowed down being of the culture you’re in? Just some questions for yourself. So many things to consider if you haven’t already! Not for finding a label but making sure you can express what you want and need when you’re in a situation to receive it. 💝

I didn’t know anything about Asexuality until hazbin and that made me look at my partner and be like “yoooooo I know you’re an older Japanese man but I have a new English word for you to learn.”

Before I knew pansexuality existed I told people who asked my sexuality, “I’ve never been disappointed when someone got naked.” Because I didn’t identify with the “women and men” definition of bisexuality, the gender didn’t matter and the sexual organs were all just bonuses for me. But I didn’t know a word existed for how I felt.

And hey, it got the point across! I lacked a community to feel welcomed in but I was still able to love and be loved how I wanted to be and that’s the most important part of this. As long as you can still articulate what you want and need in this stage of your life then baby cakes you’re doing perfectly fine in your journey! Which it sounds like you already know very well 💖🥹

[boybandbaby]

Grown Ups Grow Apart

Pairing: Bestfriend!Eddie x reader, Eddie x Steve, Eddie x Reader (It's a mess all over honestly.)

Summary: Eddie and you are best friends but things become complicated over time.

Word Count: 4K+

Notes: I was high when I thought of this but sober when I wrote it. All mistakes and confusion are mine lol. I just kept writing whatever my mind came up with so this might be super confusing. I might make a part 2 or series if there's a demand for it. This is a modern au. THIS WAS INSPIRED BY THIS SONG

Warnings: cuss words, mean words between Eddie and you/ reader, if there's anything I missed please let me know.

I saw your picture in a box last night

Seems I'm always unpacking, yeah, I moved again

Did I tell you that?

It got me thinking

I've been missing you, thought of calling you

Yeah I wanted to

But I got anxious 'cause that's what adults do

And they start looking back

Don't you hate that

You were currently packing up your room, moving back to Hawkins by the end of the week. You had grown up there most of your life and had to move right after your senior year of high school. Now you were in your mid 20’s, headed back for a new job.

As you packed you decided to throw out things you didn’t want or need. This meant you had to go through every area and item you owned. As you reached down under your bed, you pulled the box you had shoved there the day you moved in about 5 years ago. The metal lunchbox covered in stickers of well known bands and local bands that you had seen with Eddie. Eddie. Your best friend or ex best friend from Hawkins. You hadn’t seen or spoken to him since the night before you left.

The Polaroid was the last picture of you and Eddie together. You were in your cap and gown, arm around Eddie’s shoulders as you both smiled at the camera. Unfortunately, Eddie was held back so he didn’t graduate with you. You never judged him for it knowing all his childhood trauma and struggles. You wondered what he was up to. Was he still in a band? Did he still love d&d? That you assumed was still true. Was he single? How was Wayne? Did Eddie graduate? Did he finally move out of Hawkins like you both always planned? You selfishly hoped he was still in Hawkins and that you could see him. Hear his voice again.

You wanted to hear his voice everyday that you were away. You wanted to call him, apologize for the things you said and the way you left. Left him alone in a shitty town with shitty people who judged him. Made him feel like a freak and an outcast. The same way you treated him when you left.

Now you're weighing on my thoughts tonight

Can you explain this

How can you know everything and nothing about my life

At the same time

Time is crazy, I don't know where all my life has gone

I told you secrets, did you keep them, do you miss home

When you start looking back

To those basements and backyard dances

Our song, the front seat of my jeep

In love and taking chances

The night you looked at me and said

Time won't fly, I won't let it

Promise you won't forget it

The way that it is, the way that we are

'Cause kids grow up and grown ups grow apart

Grown ups grow apart, ah

Eddie knew everything about your life from social media and a mutual friend, Gareth. You and Gareth occasionally texted, never really being close but being friends when he met Eddie. Eddie knew what your job was and what you currently looked like and where you lived and sometimes hung out. What he didn’t know was the personal things like your daily routine, current obsessions, or even your favorite color.

He knows your deepest and darkest secrets, well your old secrets. He’s sure you have new ones and he’s almost certain you share those with someone else now (you don’t). The idea that you have a new best friend, someone you dance with, sing with, laugh with, cuddle with, hurts his heart. Those were things you were allowed to do with others but only saved for him. He was the only person who saw you freely be yourself. You’d sing with your chest and dance like no one was watching (Eddie was ALWAYS watching), laugh from your belly even if it meant snorting or wheezing out loud and snuggle up tight with him.

He remembered the last time you cuddled together. During the summer right after graduation. It was hot and humid but you both still snuggled up together. An old, raggedy blanket thrown on the patches of dirt and grass in Wayne’s backyard. It was the night you told him you were moving. Two weeks, he remembers. You were leaving in two weeks. He only had you for two more weeks. You both promised to always be best friends. Promised each other to text and call and write to each other and even visit when you could. None of that happened. Promises were broken and time flew. 5 years had flown by without a single moment of contact.

Do you remember summer '09

On my birthday

After dinner, you introduced me to the guy you liked

Now in hindsight

You're so beautiful, I was insecure and I won't lie

It was my birthday and I wanted him and I hate

That I could hurt your feelings like that, yeah

And I can't take it back

It was your 18th birthday. You and Eddie had made plans to go to dinner, somewhere outside of Hawkins to make a big deal out of it. It was the year you were officially becoming an adult after all and Eddie was proud of everything you accomplished this year even if you felt like you accomplished nothing. After, you would go to the store and scan the shelves and racks for things you would never buy with an ice cream or shake in your hand. Tonight was different. Eddie had said he had plans afterwards with a guy he liked. You knew Eddie was bisexual, he had told you he was unsure of his sexuality in middle school. He fully embraced it (between the two of you) during high school. You were the only person that knew.

So when you both stepped out of the restaurant after sharing a family size bowl of pasta, you were shocked to see Steve Harrington leaning against his car, arms crossed, waiting for Eddie. You had driven you both to the restaurant in your beat up Jeep, telling Eddie he had to finally let you drive and pick the music. He agreed as part of your birthday gift (the other part of your gift being Eddie’s presence and him paying for dinner).

“Y/n, you know Steve right?” Eddie smiled, awkwardly hugging Steve.

“Yeah, yeah I do.” You replied, looking at your shoes as you stuck your hand out. Of course you knew Steve. Who didn’t? You had found him cute since freshman year. You never told Eddie because you thought he would’ve made fun of you having a crush on a jock.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Steve smiled. God, he was handsome. The way his hair fell slightly against his forehead, his jeans hugging his thighs, his arms straining against his t-shirt. You wanted him. You wanted to steal him from Eddie. You didn’t want Eddie to have him. You were a horrible friend.

You began to get jealous when Eddie would hang out with you less during senior year. You began to get jealous when he gained more friends. People he and Steve had in common and who played d&d with him. You would shut him out when he did try to hang out or meet up. The loneliness made senior year emotionally more stressful but allowed you to focus on your plans for after. During the summer you spent a little more time with Eddie knowing you couldn’t use school as an excuse anymore. Then came the news that you were moving. You knew he’d be okay without you. He had more than enough friends to fill your absence.

The two weeks between you dropping the bomb that you were moving was filled with amazing moments between you and Eddie. You had began to cry as you laid on his chest but Eddie told you to stop. You still had two weeks he said. So you wiped your tears and made the best of the time together. Then, the night of your fight and end of your friendship.

You both were sitting in his van, hotboxing and listening to your shared playlist. A mix of both his and your favorite tunes. “I can’t believe you’re really leaving.” He sighed as smoke left his mouth. He took another hit before passing it to you.

“But we’ll still be friends right?” You smile softly, “and when you graduate you’ll come live with me somewhere far away and we’ll make a life for ourselves.”

“Right.” He snorted.

“What do you mean?” You passed the joint back to him.

“You think I’m getting out of here? I already flunked school once, it’s just going to get worse from here.” He brushed some ash off of his jeans.

“So what? It was a one time thing. You’ll graduate in another year and can be on your way.” You stopped his hand, noticing there wasn’t anymore ash to brush off.

“You’ve always been naive y/n.” He pushes your hand off his thigh. “I’m not smart like you. I don’t have a plethora of opportunities like you.”

“What are you even talking about? You’re literally so smart.” You pull your hand into your lap. “Remember when you scored higher than me on that history test? You didn’t even study, you just knew the concepts and stuff.”

“I guessed on most of the test y/n. Mrs. Borris thought I cheated remember? Even called Wayne and had us in the principals office.” He rested his head back against the window of the van, the velvet curtain giving him a small sort of pillow.

“You’re still smart in other aspects Eddie.” You shrug.

“I hate when you do that.” He groans and closes his eyes.

“Do what?” You glare at him. “Sit here?”

“You make me feel like shit when you invalidate my feelings.” He finally takes another puff and doesn’t bother passing it to you. “I’m telling you how I feel and you’re trying to tell me the opposite.”

“I’m not trying to make you feel like shit. I just think you’re hard on yourself when you shouldn’t be. You’re seriously one of the best people I know. You are smart Eddie. And really strong and such a hard worker. I just don’t understand why you have to put yourself down.”

“It’s because that’s how I feel. You’re leaving and you’re going to do amazing things. I’m here y/n. I’ll never leave this place.” You can hear the way his throat closes slightly, he’s choking on a sob.

“I’ll always be here for you Eddie.” You scoot closer to him. “And you have Steve and Dustin and Robin while I’m away. They’re cool people.”

“It’ll be easier for me when you leave. I don’t have to compare myself to you and wonder why you’re friends with me.” He says. That’s when you snap.

“Damn it Eddie! You’re making me feel like shit now! Why can’t you just accept that I love you for who you are and I love being your friend.” You groan, slipping your shoes back on. “It’s like I have to justify all my actions with you.” You crawl over to the metal door and open it, slipping out and onto the pavement. You turn back and he’s already exiting the van with you. “I’m glad I’m leaving too. I won’t have to hear your shit anymore.”

“I’ll fucking help you pack if it means you get out of here faster.” He throws the joint on the ground and stomps on it unnecessarily hard.

“No need. I don’t want your nasty ass hands touching any of my stuff.” You growl. It was the only insult you could think of. “Wouldn’t want you anywhere near my stuff, you’d probably curse it with your Satanism.” Now you are grasping for straws. Anything that would hurt him as much as he’s hurting you.

“Oh so now I’m a freak? Just like everyone’s been saying?” He slams the back door not before grabbing your bag. “You’re pathetic using that as an insult y/n.” He tosses your bag at your feet. Good thing you didn’t have anything valuable in it other than your wallet and some gum.

“I’m pathetic? You’re the one who’s a legal adult and still in high school.” You pick up your bag. When Eddie doesn’t reply, you look up. His eyes are watery and his cheeks are pink with embarrassment. You’d always told him he wasn’t stupid or weird and told him not to feel bad about being held back. Now you were spewing every insecurity at him.

With a shaky voice he replies, “well you know what? I’m sorry that I’m your only friend. When you realize you’re lonely in a new town and have no one to talk to or hangout with, I hope you think back to this moment and how you ruined our friendship. I’ll be here with all my amazing friends who support me and think highly of me and you’ll be wishing you could call me. Lose my number when you leave.” He shakes his head and heads to the driver seat of his car.

“Oh yeah? Well, let’s see how many of those friends stay when they realize you’ll be holding them back. Just like you held me back all these years.” You shout and start making your way back to your car. Eddie hears it but doesn’t respond. He doesn’t leave when you do. Just sits in his car and sobs, thinking over everything that just went down.

-

Then the next morning, he second guesses himself. Everything he said and did. Was the entire thing his fault? Was what you said all true? He knows he has to go see you before you leave and hopefully talk to you. Maybe the weed fucked up both of your brains and just made you both say things you didn’t mean. Of course, Eddie wanted you to stay, he didn’t know how he’d survive without you. Yes, he loved his new friends and he wasn’t technically with Steve. Sure they’d went on a few dates but it really didn’t turn into anything more than that. No one knew him like you. As he quickly got dressed into something that didn’t smell like sleep sweat and weed smoke, he rushed to brush his teeth, wash his face and tame his hair. He then said bye to Wayne and rushed over to your house. He didn’t know what time you were leaving or even if you were still there. He hoped the latter wasn’t true.

Just his luck. The house looked abandoned and there were no moving trucks or your dented, ugly colored Jeep. Tears started to trickle down his cheeks as he parked the car. Maybe just maybe you were still here. He knocked on the front door as loud as he possibly could. After several minutes, he knew he was shit out of luck. You were gone. You hadn’t even said goodbye like you promised two weeks ago.

-

You made the drive back to Hawkins, still in the same old Jeep you had before. You tried to make it look better but it still remained an ugly light silver, several scratches and bumps on the doors. The only new addition was a cracked window on the right back passenger window.

You’d found a decently priced apartment. A one bedroom with a bathroom that had everything you needed, a very small kitchen and enough space for at least a couch. It was livable and you knew you could make it home with a few touches of color and decorations. The apartment complex was along a busy street across from shopping center. There was a grocery store, a pho spot, an insurance company, a liquor store and a cash checking store. It wasn’t much of a view from your apartment but it wasn’t bad. You parked along the curb and grabbed a small box to take up with you to start the move in process.

Eddie was with Steve, Robin, Dustin, and Lucas scanning the grocery aisles for snacks for their planned movie night. His car was at the shop, needing a new battery and front brakes. He would be able to work on it between cars at work. Today was his day off though and Steve picked him up since his car wasn’t working which means he’s crammed in the backseat with Dustin and Lucas. Robin and Steve are inseparable and have to be in the front together. I mean Eddie and Steve have kissed, cuddled and fucked over the years but he’s still shoved into the back seat when it comes to Robin.

Once the gang had picked out everything off of the list, they strolled back to the car. Steve pushed the cart and Dustin hung off the side, making it harder to push. Robin and Eddie were tossing fruit snacks into Lucas’ mouth as they walked, occasionally throwing one at Steve’s head and hoping it gets stuck in his hair.

Before Eddie can throw another one, he spots your Jeep. He knows it’s yours. The same color and dents from 5 years ago. There’s a partially ripped sticker on your gas tank lid. You’d tried to take it off even with the help of rain but it wouldn’t budge. Eddie branded your car with a homemade corroded coffin sticker when he first designed the logo. Eddies slightly hurt that you tried to take it off but he’s not surprised since you’d unfollowed him on social media and refused to answer any calls or texts that he made the first month you moved away.

Before he can say anything to anyone, his feet carry him across the parking lot and towards your car. He has to dodge the traffic, curse words and car horns screaming at him along the way. You’re not in the car when he arrives. He’s pressed against the cracked window, taking in the boxes as he steps on the sidewalk.

“Get away from my car!” You rush over towards him, not thinking of how dangerous this could be for you.

He backs away and turns toward you. How you didn’t notice the long hair and leather jacket is beyond you. There’s a pause, a long pause, and then he’s breaking into a smile. The prettiest smile you’ve ever seen. He knew it was you. He’s strutting towards you before you can flee the scene. His arms wrap around your waist and he’s lifting you up into his chest, your toes barely holding you up on the sidewalk. He breathes you in, the scent of your hair (something similar to an aromatherapy essential oil rather than the fruity scents you went for in high school). He wonders what else about you had changed, did you still like your favorite ice cream flavor? Did you still have the same favorite pizza toppings?

“Hi.” You squeak out, not minding how he’s squishing you.

“Hi.” He sighs. 5 long years without this. No one’s hug’s compared to yours. Steve’s we’re strong and shy, quick to separate due to lack of touch throughout his life. Chrissy’s we’re short and sweet. Amanda’s (a random hookup from the bar) we’re tight and clingy, mixed in with a few kisses on the jaw. Anyone he had hugged had not meant as much to him as you therefore their hugs didn’t compare. “You’re moving back?”

“Yeah.” You smile, arms clinging around his shoulders. “I’m back.”

As much as he doesn’t want to let you go, he pulls back, his hands on your waist. He takes in your clothes, your hair style, your demeanor. It’s much more shy than he was used to. Are you shy now? Is that who you were? Or was it that he was now a stranger?

“I can’t believe you’re here.” He states, almost amazed that this is real. You’re really here. “You missed me huh?” He jokes, tries to lighten the tension.

“I did.” You say honestly. “Everyday that I was away.” You take a step back, his hands falling from your hips and searching for you again. “Eddi-“

“Don’t. Please.” He begs. “I-“

“I’m sorry.” You cut him off, same as he did to you. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“No, no.” He shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I was such a sick. You didn’t deserve that and I ruined everything.”

“You ruined everything? Eddie it was all me. All me. It’s my fault we fell apart and I’m sorry.” Your voice wobbles with tears in your eyes. “I was a different person back then. I depended on you too much. I was jealous of you.”

“What? Jealous of me? How could you be? You’re this amazing person and I was a nobody.” He cups your cheeks, brushing away tears.

“You were everything to me. So free and fearless. So incredibly cute and funny and so many people loved you and wanted to be in your presence. You were everything I wanted to be.”

“You’re crazy! I wasn’t any of those things without you.” He kisses your forehead. “You are my best friend and I love you. I still do. After all this time, you’re still the person I want by my side through everything.” He smiles and runs his thumbs across your wet cheeks.

“I was so in love with you Eddie. A part of me still loves you. I’m so sorry.” You lean into his hand. “But you got with Steve and I was mad and it kept building when I would see you together. Then I thought he was hot and I wanted to fuck him and hurt you because I was hurt. I became this person who was capable of hurting my best friend and it wasn’t the person you needed in your life. Then I moved and I thought it would be what was best for you. I had no control over the move but I also didn’t fight it, ya know?” You rambled.

“There’s so much to unpack there and I don’t know where to start.” He laughs through his tears. Your hands rest in his wrists as he holds you close. “I’ve loved you. I always have. But you never seemed interested and I was exploring my sexuality. You’re right, Steve’s hot and all but we were both in a place where we just needed to experience things. We’re good friends now but that’s all.”

“I still hate you for that though.” You joke. “I know things are different now. I know we’re strangers but I need you back in my life Eddie. Whether that’s as a friend or lover or whatever. I just need you some way with me.”

“I need you too. I’ve always needed you. I’m not saying that to guilt trip you or make you feel bad, I just need you to know that I’m sorry and I love you.” He rests his forehead on yours.

“I’m willing to try to mend our friendship if you are. No bullshit or games.” You kiss his cheek.

“I’m not letting you leave me again.” He closes his eyes, “it hurt too much the first time. No one could fill that void.”

“I’ll forever apologize and try to make it up to you. You deserve love and happiness and all the good things in life.” You kiss his right palm.

“The only thing I want or ever need is standing right in front of me.” He smiles. He doesn’t kiss your lips as much as you both want him too. Instead he plants a kiss to your nose, slipping his hands down, yours follow with him. He laces his right hand with your left. “So? What next?”

“You can help me move in? And maybe stay the night?” You asks shyly.

“You sure? I mean, I may be trying to trick you and get payback for everything you did. I might try to curse every part of your place with my Satanism.” He shrugs and opens the trunk.

“Oh my god! Shut up! I’m sorry I said that okay!” You push his shoulder, laughing as he hands you a box. You’re both joking and laughing as if everything is the same it was years ago.

From across the street, Steve looks over at Eddie and meets Robin’s eyes. She had been watching him ever since Eddie left their group. He shakes his head as she gives him a sympathetic look. She says I’m sorry with her eyes. Steve says nothing as he gets back into the car and drives away without Eddie.

[i-choose-the-danger]

EEEEEEEEEEE! I was hoping you'd decide to do a Hogwarts Legacy fic an you did not disappoint! I echo what others have said. I love Ominis being a little shit and Seb getting what's coming to him. And I'm curious about payback for that payback. 🤣

But now you have me curious. Would you be willing to share your headcanons on both of them as a lee and a ler? 😁🙏🏼 Please and thank you much!

I honestly did not realize so many people love the HL cast, but I'm thankful y'all do because the feedback and messages have been so sweet! <3

Lee and Ler headcanons, huh? Of course I'll share. Under the cut.

As a Lee:

Ominis

aside from Anne, Sebastian, and MC, he isn't comfortable with anyone else touching him because he doesn't trust anyone, so those are the only three people who dare try it

his family only ever touched him to inflict pain, so the first time Anne did it he had no idea what was happening or why it was making him laugh and he freaked out at first

his sense of touch is heightened, so he's ridiculously sensitive to light touches

he'll only really tolerate it in private because he uncontrollably giggles like a little kid and he feels embarrassed when he hears himself laugh like that

he won't actively fight them off unless he gets overstimulated, because he's so touch-starved and he knows this kind of interaction is done out of love

not gonna lie, sometimes he lowkey craves it and will instigate to provoke it... he'd never admit it though

his defense is to curl up in a little ball because since he can't see,q he doesn't want to risk clocking somebody in the face... he may have accidentally on purpose punched Sebastian in the ribs once or twice though

if he's tickled long enough his giggling will get broken up by snorts and it's the cutest shit you've ever heard in your entire life

his worst spots are his sides and light touches on his neck; if you barely touch his neck, he will immediately jam his shoulders up into his ears and squeak

Sebastian

this boy is deathly ticklish EVERYWHERE

because of that, he will put up a hell of a fight but will tire out quickly

his hips and above his knees are his worst spots and he will scream and go into maniacal cackles if you get him there

if you get him in public, he will resort to growling to try to cover up his laughter... got that tough guy reputation to maintain you know

he will be unintentionally violent and flail, so if you're brave enough to attack him you'd better know how to dodge and weave or you're gonna get chickenwinged in the nose

he'll try to fight it and repeatedly say he's not ticklish... even in the middle of frantic giggles and high pitched squeals

he's also overdramatic and will tell you that he's dying and can't breathe and sees a bright light etc.

being tortured like that makes him have a potty mouth that would cause a nun to faint

he'd rather die than tap out, so if you don't stop on your own, he will let it get to a point where his laugh goes silent and you just see him shaking and slapping at your hands like a fish flopping out of water

when you finally stop he will lay there for a good five minutes still giggling and twitching because all of his nerves can still feel it

As a Ler:

Ominis

with his heightened senses of touch and hearing he'll be able to figure out your worst spots quickly based on how your body tenses and how your laughs and squeaks sound

he'll jump from spot to spot just to hear how your laugh changes and it's like music to him

he's meticulous but playful, and he has pianist hands so his agile fingers will dance over your spots and make you crazy

he wouldn't tell anyone, but he's kind of obsessed with affectionate touching (handholding, hugs, cuddling, etc.), so it only makes sense that he loves being able to do this to people he cares about

he will be stone-faced and emotionless like a Vulcan aside from an occasional smirk when he finds a weak spot

his verbal teases are more matter-of-fact than making fun (ex: "My goodness, that sounds like a sensitive spot. I'll need to remember that one for the future.")

if he hears you getting hoarse or running out of breath, he'll stop and ask if you're alright or if he went too hard on you

aftercare is important - he'll let you rest against him, he might rub his palm over the spots he attacked so your nerves calm down

he's gentle with Anne and MC... but Sebastian always does something to deserve it and Ominis frequently makes him beg for mercy

it's not uncommon to find Sebastian facedown on the floor in the Undercroft with Ominis straddled on his back torturing him and demanding for him to yield; Sebastian is the only person he will be that ruthless with

Sebastian

I send your loved ones my condolences and I shall miss you, because if you become his victim, you gonna die lol

he's a ruthless ler, especially if it's retaliation

he'll resort to it if he's trying to get you to do something for him or divulge a secret and you're being stubborn

once he finds your worst spot, he'll exploit it every time

he'll sneak up behind you and give your sides a quick squeeze to spook you

he's not above doing it if you're in a sour mood and it'll make you smile, but only as a last effort if nothing else worked

verbal teases... this boy will playfully tease you about your laugh, your sensitivity, how cute he finds it when you try and fail to break out of his hold, how flustered you're getting, anything

if you're dating him, it's a part of flirting and foreplay

he used to tickle Anne when they were younger because the carefree laugh she had could light up the whole room, but after she was cursed he felt like he would break her if he so much as hugged her and he misses that closeness

that's part of why he loves that kind of bond with others he feels comfortable with; he loves being able to make people he cares for laugh like that

I think that's all the headcanons for both of them that I have for now. I might add more after I finish playing through the whole game myself. I honestly did not expect to love two Slytherin boys so much. They're written so much better than JKR ever wrote Slytherin characters.

And dang it all, writing this out has put a fic idea in my head.

[poorticklishsoles]

When I was around 10, I searched for the word "tickling" on Google and stumbled upon a guy face down, feet tied together to the bed, getting his feet methodically tickled with fingers and a small electric toothbrush. This was my introduction to what would later become my seemingly lifelong attachment to this kink we all share. I can still hear the exact sound of that toothbrush in my brain, but sadly the video has been erased with no trace of it online. (It was called Ken's Feet Get Tickled if anyone has it)

Throughout the years, while growing up, I knew there was something weird about liking this stuff. It seems like I also became attached to feet from that video, and I soon became very fascinated and almost obsessed with finding these so-called "tickle videos" online. Soon enough, I realized it made me feel funny, and at that point where tickling, feet, and bondage became full-on fetishes for me.

I spent even more time after this realization digging deeper into the topic and trying to figure out just how many other people were like me. There were times when I felt really alone and strange... and sad while growing up because although I knew there were people like me online, they all happened to be much older, and I was not of the age where I could meet anyone anyway. I ended up signing up for forums with like-minded people, creating a kink Instagram account, and desperately searching for people like myself. I just remember thinking, "Why am I such a freak for being into this stuff so young." I would have to wait much longer to realize this is common for many more people than I initially thought.

I got supper excited when I turned 18. I thought, "wow I can finally get out there and explore this stuff safely!" I was pumped to be out there and meet cool people that I could become friends with. That was important for me. I feel like I never could properly engage with my kinks if I wasn't friends with the person first... So I decided to make friends.

I met so many incredible people through Instagram, as I thought that that was where the largest group of people in the community were. (I didn't know about Tumblr yet) One of whom became my best friend. I met ticklewitchjess on Instagram back last year. What amazed me about her was our ability to talk about things outside the kink. We formed a genuine friendship. I learned about her favorite color, how she loves thunderstorms like me, some of her trauma, how she cosplayed, and how she loved to learn things even if they were random because of her adhd... I learned that we had many similar interests in the tickling tropes out there. We roleplayed... A lot. I learned that she was an absolutely gifted writer from that, and I genuinly feel like my own writing improved as a result.

We talked everyday like that for a few months... From morning to when we would go to sleep... but one day she told me....she told everyone that she had to take a step back for personal reasons and take a break from her kink account. We talked for the last time and I gave her my last bit of support. I hope one day she does come back when shes in a better place... 

I never thought I'd have a connection like that with someone ever again... And for the most part I was correct, at least for just under a year. One night I again got in my feels about not having any real connection with anyone, now at the age of 20. I genuinely felt sad and depressed that I wasnt getting to explore my kink irl and even felt jealousy when id see tickle vids with 18 and 19 year olds having such a fun time. I ended up sending around 6 or 7 copy pasted greetings that night just to see if anyone would respond. I was about to send the same thing to a person I found that was super far away from me but instead I decided to switch it up and be genuine. And that's how I met @tklish-princess

We started chatting, taking our time at first, but eventually speeding up when we realized we had so much in common! Over time we flirted with the idea of meeting up and I honestly still can't believe we made it work. That's right! I had my first meet up ever! It wasn't just sessions though. We stayed together in the same Airbnb for a full week, essentially living together, and she showed me all around. We even got to do some super fun stuff further away from the town. It was just such an amazing time and Ari was just so sweet and kind to me that I was just constantly melting. I've never really been to college yet so I never got to have the experience of like..really being on my own and living with someone so I can't lie and say I wasn't a little nervous, but as soon as we met and hugged all that went away.

As you've probably seen on her post we did have sessions...some of which were recorded, and we'll be dropping teases as time goes by 🤭. I'm super excited for that and I'm super excited to finally say I have a real tickle partner in my life now! She has the cutest little feet and toes and even her hands are cute and ticklish 🥺.. I'm quite literally obsessed. She's such a sensitive little tickle bug but also a pretty evil ler...which surprised me because when we started talking she claimed to be 90% lee....yeah no. Youll see soon enough that that's not the case. I truly believe I found the best and it was 100% worth the wait.

So Ari...thanks for making this stubborn little dream of mine come true. I love you, and I can't wait to see you again.. 😇

TLDR: I MET AN AMAZING PERSON IN THE COMMUNITY IRL AND SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND NOW AND IM SUPER HAPPY 😄