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thegreatlarryfisherman · 7 years

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Can I be Him? | Chapter Four

Jared has a surprise for the reader and though she’s not exactly down for it at first, Shannon helps convince her that it’ll be the best time of her life.

Warnings: Voyeurism, implied threesome, BDSM themes, Daddy!kink (More like the fucking use of the word, that’s all) spanking, etc. This! Is! Smut. It’s Jared/Shannon-centric. so. you know.

Tagging: @auntiemama1, @babiiface16, @anxiouslyyoursdidi, @meghan12151977, @gottalovetheletos, @thefirethatfreezesme, @jletolove4eva, @nikkitasevoli

Previous Chapters: Prologue | Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three

“I don’t get it.” I said and shook my head as I was sitting at the edge of my bed, staring at the boys.

“Which part?” Jared asked and I sighed as I shook my head.

“I think the surprise part is the most confusing.” Shannon offered.

“Well yeah!” I exclaimed. “That’s a start!” Yeah, I was raising my voice and it was probably the most annoying thing they’d ever heard but never in my many years of knowing them did I ever imagine that Jared Leto was going to be telling me that he wanted his older brother to touch me in front of him because that’s what he was into.

“Okay. No need to yell.” Jared started rather cautiously. “I know we’re still treading lightly with this whole… ‘polyamory’ thing but it’d really, really please me if you did this, Princess.” He said, his eyes wide with honesty filling every ion of his baby blue irises. I looked over at Shannon who warily nodded as if he’d been as shocked as I was when he first heard it. “I know it’s asking a lot, so soon but… I’d kick myself if I looked this gift horse in the mouth.” Jared insisted.

“What’s in it for me? Besides being your private porn star.” I scoffed and Jared’s mouth opened and closed a few times. Shannon sighed a bit before he leaned over and wrapped his arms around me. Shannon, always the sensible brother.

He slowly pulled me backwards a bit so I was laying against his chest. “Close your eyes.” He said and I gulped, taking one last look at Jared before I shut my eyes. Jared had always been the daredevil, experimental and brave. Shannon was more like me. Logical and sensible. I trusted him.

“You know I’d never hurt you or let you do anything you’d regret.” He said in my ear as he slowly spread my legs and stretched them a bit so they sat on either end of his. I shivered lightly as I felt the air blow onto my exposed lower half. “I’d never take advantage of you. Neither of us would.” He kissed the side of my face.

“There’s just something about seeing your head tipped back in ecstasy while you’re letting yourself go, while you’re losing yourself that just…” I could hear Jared’s voice drop an octave or two. “It’s the best thing I’ve ever seen. Even if I’m not the one doing it to you. It’s hard to focus on the way your back arches or those cute little gasps you do while I’m trying to hold myself back from cumming like a fucking virgin while inside of you. You just feel so good.”

“He’s right.” Shannon’s fingers slid up and down the length of my slit as he reached a hand up and began massaging my breasts, taking each nipple one by one between his fingers and rolling them. “You feel so fucking good. It’s impossible to try to stay calm when you’re shaking and moaning the way you do.”

He stopped all movement and I cried out, sobbing with frustration. “But maybe you don’t want it. Are you afraid to cum in front of both of us, Little Girl?”

“No. God no. Please, Shannon. Please.” I begged and he chuckled. Though it sounded cruel, I knew he was proud because he slowly slipped his lips around the shell of my ear and grinded his teeth back and forth on it gently until I was mewling in his arms.

“That’s what I thought.” His finger ventured lower and dipped into me causing me to lay my head back and moan a bit. He used the wetness on his fingertips that he found inside of me to trace sloppy circles around my clit.

“Oh god.” I squeezed his thighs and tried to lift my hips. He shifted his legs and it spread mine a bit wider, making me more susceptible to the intrusion of pleasure he was putting on me.

“And when you’re so desperate that your body just starts moving like it’s trying to send a message.” Jared’s voice had a bit of a higher pitch in it, as though he was struggling to keep himself grounded as he spoke.

“Fuck.” I bit my lip as I felt Shannon speed up his ministrations, running quick circles around my clit until I was panting and writhing underneath his fingertips.

“I can’t wait to taste how good I make you feel.” I chanced opening my eyes and looked over. Shannon’s chin was on my shoulder as his eyes zeroed in on my clit and he sped his movements up. The sight of his low lashes and brows knit in frustration made me moan so loud I nearly scared myself. He looked over then, and our eyes met as I saw nothing but love behind his eyes. He smiled a bit and suddenly, my body was being filled with his fingers. I laid my head back and squealed as he used two fingers in and out of me while his other hand’s fingers were still stroking my clit. When did his other hand get there?

“Oh God.” I begged as he kissed my neck, placing small bites there.

“You’re being such a good girl.” He muttered against my neck.

“You’ve learned so fast.” Jared said hoarsely and I looked over. He was watching, his eyes dark with anticipation. I bit my lip, wondering how he could stay so perfectly still in that chair. His hands were gripping the arms of the chair so nonchalantly but his eyes didn’t leave mine.

“Come on, Little girl.” Shannon muttered, just outside my ear as he ran a finger around my clit and I was becoming dizzy with need. “Don’t you wanna come? Beg Daddy to make you come.” He said and my head fell back again, hips rising and falling.

“G-FUCK!” The sound of his husky voice in my ears with his fingers deep inside of me, it was like I couldn’t escape the pleasure. I looked at Jared who had a dark smile on his face. Even from three feet away from the bed, his smile was domineering and dangerous. “Beg for it, Princess.” He grinned. “You’re such a good girl when you beg. Every part of you glistening with sweat… your eyes want more than your mouth can say.” My eyes followed his hand to where he was squeezing himself through his pants. He was gently stroking up and down, giving himself some release while never taking his eyes off of me. I bit my lip as I felt Shannon’s hand make his way back up to my nipple, completely soaked from where he’d been teasing my clit.

“I don’t have enough hands.” He caught my wrist and pushed it to my nipple, pushing my palms against my them before he rushed to accompany his other hand back between my legs, concentrating on the attention he was paying to my clit while his two fingers quickly pounded in and out of me, now grazing my G-spot with every stroke.

“Squeeze your nipples, Princess.” Jared said softly and my eyes met his again. “Push them between those pretty little fingers of yours and pull on them like I do with my teeth.”

“Say yes sir.” Shannon ordered and I moaned.

“Yes-sir.” I said as I pinched my nipples and a tremor went through me.

“Good girl.” Both of them said in unison and my head fell forward and then back as I lost myself in the pleasure.

“Please.” I whined weakly.

“Please what, Princess? I bet you feel so good right now, tightening up, your body desperately trying to hold back your release because you know you’ve been trained like a good little girl to wait until you’re given permission. Do you want to cum all over his fingers? Look at me.” My eyes slowly traveled back to him and that dark grin returned. “You wanna show me how wet you get when you touch yourself to the thought of me?”

“Or me.” Shannon growled outside my ear, his fingers speeding up. My hips thrust forward and one of my hands looped around his neck and pulled. His head bowed and latched onto a nipple, sucking it into his mouth as he leaned back against my headboard, holding us both up as we contorted a bit.

“Fuck. Shannon…”

We were partially laying down, my legs still draped over his, my body reclined back and completely exposed to Jared. It must have been what he’d been waiting for because he quickly came from the chair and rushed over to the bed, climbing onto it with one knee, quickly tugging at the bulge in his pants as he watched me. Shannon pulled his mouth away from my nipple and I looked up at him as he bit his lip, struggling to keep up the speed of the way he was circling my clit, though I was reducing to nothing but a squirming mess in his arms. “Stop moving, girl.”

“Shannon.” “What the hell did I tell you?” He pulled both his fingers away from me and I cried out. He’d stopped. I was so close. “The first time..” He said as he helped me sit up, as I was too weak and in shock to move myself. “I considered it an accident. The second time I chose to ignore it.” He slowly guided me by the back of my neck to my knees until I was facing Jared with my ass toward Shannon. “This time…” His hand came down on my ass like a loud clap of thunder and I yelped, my eyes rising to meet Jared’s.

His eyes held a mixture of disappointment and authority at once.

“Naughty, naughty little Princess.” He took my chin in the hand that he wasn’t using to stroke his throbbing member underneath the fabric of his pants.

A second slap and I cried out, but when my mouth opened, Jared gently nestled his finger deep inside, pressing down lightly on my tongue. I licked his finger and his eyes drifted shut. The sight of him getting so turned on by his finger in my mouth was making me wetter than imaginable and suddenly, I felt the head of Shannon’s manhood at my entrance.

“Ahh” I moaned around the finger in my mouth and Jared’s eyes opened as he looked down at me.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to forget this moment.” He said, with a loving expression as he pulled his finger out of my mouth and stroked his hair. “Thank you for this.” He said, so much promise in his voice before I felt Shannon push the entire length of his cock into me and I moaned out loud, not breaking eye contact with Jared as Shannon began to thrust slowly into me. The impact of how good it felt caused me to reach up and grab onto Jared’s arm. He smiled as he reached the same arm under me and played with a nipple thoughtlessly as he watched my face. The intensity of his blue eyes quickly sunk into me and I moaned loudly as I felt my orgasm approaching me again.

There was another smack on my ass and I moaned louder as my eyes drifted shut, feeling the intensity of all the pleasure I was feeling between the way my nipples were being squeezed and the way the shaft of Shannon’s thick cock moved in and out of me, getting faster and faster as I heard him grunting and groaning his pleasure.

“Baby.” I opened my eyes and looked over my shoulder. “I’m gonna come so you’re gonna have to come with me, okay?”

“Yes Daddy.” I blurted out and then my eyes widened as he bit his lip and gripped my hips as he pounded into me harder, clearly turned on by the sound of me calling him Daddy.

“Look at me Princess.” Jared tugged at the nipple he was playing with and I whipped my head back.

“Fuck. Shit.” Shannon was cursing under his breath, his thrusts getting harder and harder until the head of his cock slammed directly into my G-spot and I screamed as I exploded around his cock, moaning almost out of my own control as he thrust a few more times before he quickly pulled out, pushing his hand on my back as he came between my legs. I moaned as the head of his cock pushed against my clit, and a second orgasm ripped through me as the pressure summoned my oversensitive clit to cum again and again. I looked up at Jared who had his eyes closed as if he was reveling in the sound of my moaning before a ragged breath escaped his lips and he quickly gripped his cock. A sticky, wet, spot appeared in his pants as he fell back onto the edge of the bed and swallowed.

I started to speak but I was far too tired. When I woke up, I was wearing Jared’s t-shirt, sandwiched between the two boys.

#Can I be Him series #Jared leto fan fic #Shannon Leto fan fic #SF

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i-writeandread-blog · 5 years

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A Portrait of a Tortured You and I - Chapter 5

His tongue was tangled with mine, dancing around my mouth. He tasted sweet and the way he smelled was utterly divine. I didn't want to break away for anything let alone air, but it had to happen. I was both exhilarated and drunk on his entire being. The dichotomy not lost on me. My head was spinning. In that moment I would have given anything to have him rip off my clothes and take me right there. I didn't realize how much I missed the touch of a man, but I was made fully aware by one kiss.

He completely pulled away from me and I felt a surge of panic moving it's way up through my chest. He regretted it. The kiss changed his mind. Fuck! This is what I knew would happen. He turned around and saw me.

"No, no, no kitty cat. It was perfect. I just needed some distance because I could have fucked you right on this rock in front of everyone." Jared squashed the doubt in my head running rampant.

"That would have been nice." I said coyly.

"You're gonna be trouble, aren't you? I'm an old man you know!" He joked. "Maybe you're not as shy as you seem, hmm?" He walked back over to me and ran his fingers through my hair. "I look forward to finding out your true self. But that will have to wait. For now, I'm going to walk you back to your cabin and make an appearance around the island."

He descended the rocks and helped me down the last section onto the beach. Taking my hand in his and lacing his fingers through mine, he said a simple thank you, then took my hand to his mouth for a chaste kiss.

We walked about a hundred feet and then he let go of my hand. I knew what this meant. We would be getting closer to the activity of the others, crew and Echelon. I understood. We were meant to be just fan and celebrity for the duration of camp. I had to from this minute going forward, slide right back into who I was three hours ago. It shouldn't be too hard, but I was a typical girl that wanted to immediately jump head first into all things Jared. I had to resist that urge regardless of where we were. It had been the demise of all my relationships, I'm sure. I got too needy, too quickly.

As we walked further and further towards the tents, cabins, and facilities, he started walking faster and faster to where I was lagging behind. By the time we saw the first few people meandering around I was at least ten yards from him. People immediately started bombarding him. I guess most of these people were either new to Mars or never had been to any camps/ vip's. You didn't see that happen much in Malibu. People would stop and wave, say a quick hello, maybe he'd talk to a few people here and there, but there wasn't any bombarding.

He didn't seem to mind and once it happened it alerted a few of the counselors. About five minutes later Kennon was by his side to escort him around unscathed. It was the first time I had seen her, surprisingly. I took the chance to explore this part of camp and took in all the sights, sounds, and smells.

Everyone and everything was so colorful and the atmosphere was light and cheery. I was now more than ever so overjoyed to be here. I finally spotted people I knew. Not only knew, but these were MY people. My friends. Dana, Jen, Trish, Joey, Rachel and Mike were all over by the pool. I waved at them and then made a mad dash to be by their sides.

I had met each of them through the years at various events, and together we had all become the most eclectic group. We mostly only had Mars in common, with the exception of Rachel also being a writer. She was more successful than I, as she just completed her first novel and had sent it out into the publishing world. I was only slightly envious of her tenacity, but she cheered me on and gave me words of encouragement to keep powering through my block. It was her I needed to see and thank the most.

"Oh. My. God. You guys." I drew out the z sound on guys... I grabbed Rachel and hugged her. "I'm writing. Well sort of. I wrote two chapters earlier. They're not any good, but I'm writing. Thanks for encouraging me!"

"Catherine, I knew you could do it! I'm sure they're really fantastic!" She exclaimed.

"Chatty catty, if you don't get over here and fondle me right now, I just know something isn't right." Joey said laughing. He was the funniest one of us all. I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed his butt as he did the same to me.

"Get a room!" Dana said.

The next few minutes we caught up. I told them about my upgrade and they all agreed that I deserved it. Not a one of them felt slighted or upset. These really were my friends and cheerleaders.

Everyone was in their swimsuits but me and as we were all talking, I walked dangerously close to the edge when Mike got close and pretended to push me. I almost fell in from trying to avoid him. Everyone laughed until Natalie actually walked by me and sent me flying in anyway. People were shocked and I heard a few muttering around saying that it was wrong of her. The next thing I knew there was a splash next to me. I didn't see who it was, but I wasn't in the dark long. People were cheering and jumping in left and right. It was Jared, fully clothed. He came up for air, saying to me and only me: "You fall, I fall. Fuck her."

It was honestly the sweetest gesture and he had no idea how much it meant. He actually stayed in the pool and played with everyone. He periodically dunked and splashed people, even partaking in a game of water volleyball, if one could call it that. About thirty minutes later, he got out. Everyone was staring including me. His clothes were clinging to all the right parts of his body. He lifted his shirt up and over his head and the sounds of ovaries exploding left and right made him turn to us all and wag his finger at us.

"Ladies ladies... there's nothing to see here."

Joey chimed in and said, "That's right ladies, he's all mine." Jared busted a gut at that and went full on Rayon. "That's right, honey. I'm all yours." He slapped his butt.

The hilarity was too much. After the snickering died down, Jared told everyone how much fun he had, but that he needed his rest because he was of course an old man. Why he insisted on saying that all the time, I'll never know. He was younger at heart than any of us and God knows he looked it too.

I finally emerged from the pool and Trish, who had not gotten in brought me a towel. A few counselors were walking around telling us that there was a campfire with s'mores and a sing along in ten minutes. I wasn't too keen on either the s'mores or singing, but I wanted to warm up by the fire. I invited everyone to come check out my bungalow while I went back to change. Everyone was eager to see what they looked like.

"So this is how the rich live?" Mike said.

"Oooh does the mini fridge have alcohol?" Joey opened the door. "Whaa! It doesn't."

"Joey, you know camp is dry..." Dana added.

I went into the bathroom while they all looked around. When I emerged, they all hushed. "What?" I asked wanting to know what they were talking about. And in unison they asked, "who did this for you?"

"I can't say."

"But you know, don't you?" Said Rachel.

"Yes." That was all I could tell them. Shannon didn't want even me to know, let alone my quirky pals.

"Okay... it's just kind of crazy, if you ask me. When I asked how much the packages were, I was told 13,500 dollars. But keep the secret." Dana seemed annoyed.

"Maybe she isn't allowed to say? Maybe it was Jared and she had to sign an NDA." Joey joked. "Is that it, honey? Are you and Jared having a clandestine affair?" My cheeks became flushed. He was only half right. Geez, this was going to be hard to keep from them.

I shook my head, but was afraid my body would give me away. They left well enough alone and we left to go find the campfire. Upon arrival I noticed Natalie off to the side flagrantly gawking at me. It was unnerving.

"What's her deal, y'all? Like does anyone have any idea why she is acting this way? Last year, she was fine." I knew none of them knew because we had discussed this right after the Vyrt incident, but Jen who had been conspicuously quiet most of the evening shifted her feet. I was almost certain she knew something and I was positive this is why she was being so muted.

"Okay, Jen. Spill the beans. What's going on?" I was going to get her to talk if it killed me.

"Ugh, alright Catherine. But I'm warning you, you may not like what I say." I acquiesced and let her know to continue. "Remember the last night of camp?" I vaguely did... "you know, when we had church of mars? You went onstage during Rescue Me, along with Natalie and several other people." I did remember that, and I was fairly certain I was about to have a lightbulb moment. "Jared danced over to you and winked at you. It was subtle. No one from the crowd noticed, but Natalie did. Then he twirled you around. Not once did he really pay Nat any attention, but he was all over you." I let her words sink in. But I was obviously in denial about what happened that night because I don't remember him being paying particularly any more attention to me than anyone else.

"Oh Cat, come on! He was all about you. You have to remember that?" She added. "Okay, Jen, lets say that is how it happened. What difference does it make? I've seen him do the same with her before." I said.

"Yes, but she took it to mean that you were being flirty with him."

"Uhhh all women are flirty with him!"

"Yeah, but she actually think she has a shot with him. You can't be this naive. You've seen her Facebook posts where she says she's in love with him and she calls him her man. She's actually delusional. She thinks you're trying to steal her man." Jen looked over at Natalie and shook her head mouthing "nutjob."

"I suppose this makes sense. But to go the lengths she has seems too crazy, even for the most rabid of Echies."

"It doesn't stop there. At the last show of the tour, in Phoenix... you went with your sisters. You had VIP, your sisters decided last minute to come to the show and they didn't have it. So you were conflicted about it."

"Yeah, but I went in and left them behind at their behest."

“Yeah, well when you and Trish were talking about how you felt bad about them not being able to come inside and none of you had the extra money to pay for them to do it. Well, she overheard Jared... who must have heard you two talking, he... well he said to someone to make sure at the end during Closer to the Edge, that anyone that was with you, got up on stage. She saw him point directly at you. You and Trish were too busy talking to notice, but she saw it."

This was all so surreal. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I remembered them being pulled onto stage and how excited they were. We were all at the back of the pit because my sister was slightly claustrophobic. I was surprised that someone had come to us and told us to go up. The memory of how it happened was a blur now. But it was slowly coming back.

"So, I was online a few weeks after she attacked you on Vyrt and saw she had posted about this all, and how she was going to make sure you couldn't get close to Jared again. I'm pretty sure she's even more pissed off now, that you're doing the VIP. I'd really watch your back around her, Catherine. I don't think she's finished trying to ruin you."

I looked at Natalie and noticed the devilish grin on her face. I think Jen is right. Natalie had something up her sleeve and I was certain things were going to go south fast.

@msroxyblog @callmeasyoulove

#thirty seconds to mars #30 seconds to mars #jared leto #campmars #marsisland #shannon leto #jaredandcat #jaredleto #jared leto fic #jared leto fiction #jared leto fan fiction #jared leto fanfiction #jared leto fanfic #jared leto fanfics #aportraitofatorturedyouandi chapter 5

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echelonfiction · 6 years

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Bright Lights: Chapter 56 - Floating

hey guys, It’s been a while

Tagging: @fyeahproudglambert @msroxyblog@meghan12151977 who i think is @llfd1977 now @maulapaulawaula @teggles07 (if anyone else desires a tagging, lemme know)

I sat at the servery of Jared’s kitchen watching as Jared and Shannon played with Penelope. They were so good with her it warmed my heart.

“Phoebs,” I heart softly, I looked up at my sister. “This is a lot,”

“What do you mean,”

“Like, you just changed my life, and my daughter’s life, and what if I can’t deliver,”

“Riley,” I laughed.

“how is this funny?” She snapped.

“You’re right,” I said putting on a serious face. “you were saying?”

“I’ve not played drums in years, and I wasn’t even that great, how am I supposed to do this justice?”

I couldn’t help it, I started laughing. “I’m glad you’re taking your career seriously,”

“I am,” I said letting the laughter subside.

“Phoebe!!” She snapped. I felt Jared and Shannon look over at us.

“Look,” I said actually getting a grip of myself. “I’m sorry, I’m super tired but I just had a glimpse of how I sound to the Leto’s” I smiled

“Right,” she said crossing her arms just as Shannon walked over. There was also a knock on the door, which I assumed was Connie. Jared asked her to get a couple of supplies for the baby. “as for the other stuff, we’ll figure it out tomorrow, okay?” I said making sure I was being as sincere as possible, her anxieties were kind of valid right now. “You’ll pick everything up like a pro,”

“Drums?” Shannon asked as he put his arm around my back. I looked up at him and nodded. “Phoebs is right, we’ve got time,”

“A week,” she grumbled.

“He’s a pro,” I smiled.

“Oh, and who is this little one,” I heard we all looked over at Jared holding Nelly up at the door. Connie was cooing over the baby in her son’s arms.

“Meet Nelly,”

“Hey there, little Nelly,” Connie smiled playing with her. I followed Shannon’s lead by walking over to the trio.

“Hey Mom,” Shannon said giving her a warm hug.

“Hey son, Phoebe,” she said hugging me tightly. “Congratulations, lovely”

“Thank you,” I grinned as she pulled back. “I see you’ve met my niece,” I smiled.

“She could pass as your daughter,”

“I think one of your sons said that” I grinned. “this is my sister, Riley,” I said motioning to Riley.

“Hey, Riley,” Connie said hugging her too. “Congratulations on your own little victory,”

“Thanks,” Riley smiled kindly. “Such a huge relief. “

“I bet,” Connie smiled. “I have supplies, they’re in the car, Jared why don’t you hand the baby over and you and your brother get them?” she ordered.

“Sure,” Jared said without hesitation he turned and handed Nelly to me.

“Which room were they taking?” Connie asked of her son.

“The one furthest from the studio,”

“Alright,” Connie called. “Ladies, let’s go set this room up for a child,” the three of us followed Connie down to the bedroom. It was a nice room, perfect for Riley and Penelope for the next little while. Jared had a TV and drawers and stuff so she could have her own space. “She’s at the crawling stage?”

“Correct,” Riley told. “She's starting to pull herself up tiny bit,” she added.

“Oh, they grow so fast,”

“They do,” Riley laughed.

“She has barely changed,” I said trying to be a part of the conversation.

“you met her like 2 weeks ago,” Riley pointed out.

“Not the point,” I laughed.

There was a noise down the hallway then Jared appeared in the doorway followed by Shannon.

“I think we need to take mom on a journey of what ‘one night’ means,” Jared teased putting stuff on the bed. Shannon did the same.

“Explain,” my Leto said as he unloaded. “there’s still another load each for us,”

“Babies are a lot,” Connie said walking to the bed. I looked down at the child.

“A couple of diapers and a change of clothes was all she needed? No?” I asked looking up to Shannon.

“That’s what I thought,” Shannon said. I felt we understood each other.

“Yeah, you obviously have never spent much time around kids,” Riley grumbled. I kinda wanted to punch her in the face.

“Hmm, it’s a lot more than people realize.”

“Right,” I said walking over to Shannon who was looking through a bag. “Well, you know you could teach us instead of telling us how wrong we are,” I said reaching into the bag pulling out a funny looking brush. “What does this do?”

“It looks like a toilet cleaner,” Shannon laughed as Nelly grabbed hold of it.

“Close,” Connie said walking over taking the bag off her son. “It’s a bottle cleaner.” She smiled kindly taking a bottle out of the bag. “I think Phoebe should take the sleepy baby and make a bottle, while Riley and I set this stuff up, and the boys finish their task too,” Connie said handing me a bottle then a big container of whatever.

“I’ve ne-“

“put water in it to the 600, then put four scoops in and shake it good, then nuke it for a bit, you want it lukewarm.” She told me.

“Right,” I said.

“Come on Rockstar, it’s just a bottle,” she teased. I shook my head and walked off.

“Hey,” I heard as I neared the end of the hall. I turned to see Shannon right behind me. “You have a really cute butt,”

“Thanks,” I grinned. “you have a cute smile,”

“Thanks,” he grinned, I stopped before the end of the hall and let him catch up and kiss me. “You fairing okay?”

“Yeah,” I smiled. “I kind of feel like I’m floating.”

“Yeah,” he said pulling me in doing the best he could at hugging me even with all the stuff in my arm. “Mom got some dinner, we’ll all stop and eat that soon,” he said I smiled at him.

“I should make this bottle,”

“Okay,” he grinned. “I love you,”

“I love you too,” I smiled he kissed me again

I walked in and around the kitchen doing what Riley and Connie had instructed me to do it was a lot easier than my brain was telling me it was going to be. I walked back t the room.

“Ri,” I said to her, and Connie were putting a portable cot together. “Is this okay?” I asked she held her hand out for the bottle tipping in her wrist.

“Perfect Aunty Pheebs” she smiled. I smiled back walking around the bed and climbing up sitting with the baby in a comfortable position. Letting her feed. “when she’d about half way, burp her,”

“Okay,” I nodded.

I watched everyone come in and out doing their thing, Jared and Shannon did whatever Connie ordered them to do until Jared announced he was serving dinner. Connie decided we would have it in here, so we could all help Riley get comfortable.

Shannon walked around the side of the bed when he finished the last task Connie set for him. Without saying a word hi climbed on the bed behind me and pulled Nelly and me back into him. He pushed his mouth into the exposed part of my neck. His beard tickling like crazy.

“Goosebumps?” he whispered a moment after the appeared on my body. “hmm,” he sighed kissing further up my neck.

“Stop,” I laughed.

“Really?” he laughed kissing my back again.

“Yes,” I said leaning back into him letting him kiss me before my ear. “for now, at least, I have a child in my arms,”

“Okay,” he said kissing my cheek. He stopped kissing me but kept holding me, which I was completely okay with. I looked down at nelly, she was almost asleep but halfway through her bottle.

“do I still burp her?” I questioned.

“Yeah,” Shannon whispered helping me sit her up properly. “the wind gives them a tummy pain,”

“Oh,” I said

“Alternate between petting her back and rubbing circles,”

“I thought Shannoebe was babyily impaired?”

“I fed a friend’s baby a few times,” he laughed “Don’t get any ideas,”

“Not this vagina anytime soon,” I laughed.

“That’s why you’re my perfect kitten,” he laughed kissing my head.

“perfect Career Kitten,” I said just as Penelope let out a massive burp. “Woah,” I laughed looking down at her.

“Now I can tell she’s related to Phoebe,” Jared said as he walked into the room.

“Because there was any doubt?” Riley laughed. “I’m her clone, but Nelly is her clooone”

“Well,” Jared laughed. “Riley’s case is getting more and more proven.” He grinned handing me my dinner.

“That’s why I like your brother better,”

“He probably agrees,”

“Yeah, but his mou-“ Shannon’s hand went over my mouth.

“Mother in the room,”

“And baby,” Riley laughed pointing at the squirming child in my arms. I looked down at her and gave her the bottle back picking at my dinner as she ate hers. The talk was mostly about the day, how well I did, how thankful Riley was. Something about rehearsal. Something about an aeroplane… I closed my eyes for a small moment.

“Hey, kitten,” I heard, man I loved Shannon, but he needed to not right now. “Phoebs,”

“Hmm,” I groaned leaning into him.

“Let’s go to bed,”

“I’m in bed,” I groaned.

“You’re in my bed, sis.”

“Riley?” I opened my eyes and looked at her…. “I really need to get used to you being around,”

“Yeah,” she laughed dorkishly.

“Your laugh is dorky,” I said sitting up. “Where’s the kid?” I asked looking around seeing her with Connie as I heard a sniffle. I furrowed my brows and looked over at Riley. “Ri?” she shook her head and looked away. “What’s wrong?” I asked. She shook her head and held her hand up taking a deep breath composing herself. When she looked up at me her face was contorted, and she was fighting against her lip quivering.

“I haven’t heard you say that in so long,”

“Oh,” I said looking down at my knees. I guess small things were kinda big things in a family that was shattered to pieces. Shannon soothed my shoulder. “Well,” I shrugged driving across the bed tackling her down.

“Phoebe!!” she half laughed half screamed.

“Better get used to it dorky little RiRi,” I said pulling her into a bear hug over the top of me. I loved hearing her giggle. It was refreshing I couldn’t help but join in

“Guys watch ou-“ Connie called as we both fell off the bed into a heap. I couldn’t help but laugh my butt off as I held the elbow that hit the bedside table. “You’re both goofballs,” Connie laughed shaking her head.

“This one is my goofball,” Shannon said offering me his hand which didn’t hesitate in taking, helping Riley to a standing position as soon as I was confident on my feet. “Let’s go to bed,” Shannon said wrapping his arms around me from behind squeezing tight. My mind suddenly clicked to bed, but not sleep. He was so devious.

“Okay,” I smiled hugging my sister, Connie and Nelly before following Shannon to bed. Jared must’ve gone to bed or whatever. He was nowhere to be seen.

“You doing okay?” Shannon asked with his arm around my waist as we crossed the house.

“I’m okay enough to have sex,”

“I told you, your head is more important than me having sex,”

“I’m okay,” I grinned opening the door to the backyard. He grabbed me and pushed me into the wall between the main house and the guest house. He kissed me hard then put his head against mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, his hands were on my waist. It was all I could think of.

“Talk to me,” he said softly, but I kinda felt like he was begging me too talk at the same time.

“I am okay,”

“Yeah, but you’re kinda not okay too,” he said sternly. I let out a reluctant breath. “Baby,”

“I don’t know how to vocalise this feeling,”

“I feel like I am floating, and not in a good drug kind of way,” I blurted. “I have a huge feeling of ooh my fucking god my dream is coming true regarding the showcase then I have a huge feeling of what the fuck did I just do regarding Riley!” I told. “I have to teach her my entire setlist in a couple of days, and what if she doesn’t have the stamina? What if I can’t trust her? What if leaving Penelope with Mitchell is the complete and utter wrong thing for her?” I spilt. “What if I let you guys down because I let my sister back in my life,” I told

“You won’t let me down,”

“She’s toxic for me Shannon!”

“She has been,”

“You want to have sex and you’re baiting me?” I snapped dropping my arms.

“I’m not trying too bait you, Phoebe!” he told. “You’re tired and overreacting,”

“Shannon,” I warned looking him in the eyes.

“Look, you’ve not had a good support system before like you do now,” he said I went to talk but he cut me off. “Not since your dad and your brother,” could he actually read my mind? “life is a long journey, baby,”

“I know,” I said looking down.

“The only constant is change,” he said I looked into his eyes. “I know you’re over being bitter towards her, I can see it, you said it,”

“But what if it’s not for the best?”

“Only one way to know,”

“Yeah,” I said wrapping my arms around him hugging him as tight as I could.

“Just keep an open mind,”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” I whined. He pulled back, so I looked him in the eyes. “Not today,”

“Babe,”

“I just want to forget, Shannon… for a minute,” I begged his face soften. “Help me forget?” he rose his eyebrows. I gave as cute as a grin as I could. He pushed his lips back into mine grabbing my legs pulling to his hips as my arms went back around his neck.

He turned and walked to the guest house dropping me on the bed feeling anywhere and everywhere he wanted too.

“I have to use the bathroom,” he said hovering over me.

“Okay baby,” I smiled.

“get yourself ready,” he said seductively as he pushed off the bed. I let out a soft giggle as I moved up the bed positioning the pillows behind me so I could see him when he came out. I put my thumbs in the top of my pants, this was all about timing. All I had to do was wait.

#Phoebe Flamez #bright lights #echelon fiction #echelon #30 Seconds To Mars #30stm #30secondstomars #Thirty Seconds to Mars #leto brothers #music #fan fiction #fanfic #fan fic #fan fic writing #jared leto #shannon leto #shannoebe #shanimal

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hazeleyedleto · 6 years

Text

Thinking Of You: Chapter 7 - That moment

AN As usualy, i mean no disresptct

AN: I really enjoy writing Shannon in a different light

Warning: , drugs, alcohol, physical trauma

Tagging @fyeahproudglambert @meghan12151977 @msroxyblog(ask to be tagged)

Chapter 7

“One more drink?” I asked leaning back into Shannon whose hands were all over me, and his conversation was everywhere with everyone. “Then we go?” I offered.

“Where,”

“Anywhere,” I grinned looking up at him. I received a drunken kiss but at this stage, I didn’t care.

“I’ll get you a drink,” he said kissing my head as he walked away.

“I’ve had a really good time, you guys,” I said to the group, Chester looked up and smiled.

“Same here,” Talinda said moving over hugging me. “I want to hang out with you more,”

“No boys,” I laughed hugging her back

“My wife,” Chester slurred pulling his wife into his arms.

“Fiiiinnee,” I laughed pulling back. “I’ll just hug Mike until my beautiful boyfriend comes back”

“Maybe you shouldn’t,” Mike said looking to the bar stepping away from me a little I looked up at him and pouted. A drink was slammed in front of me. I grinned up at Shannon who was glaring at me. He put his arm around my neck pulling my face to his making it look like he was kissing my cheek.

“You have about a minute and a half to finish that drink and say goodbye before I punch the living shit out of your new friend,”

“Shannon,” I gasped.

“Drink, Tatiana.” He warned. I took a deep breath and did the drink in one down. “Say good fucking bye.”

“We’re off guys,” I said nervously waving at Mike and the other guys getting a hug off Talinda and Chester.

“See you at the group, Tatty,” Chester said as I waved him off.

I don’t even know if we were out of the sight of everyone else when I was slammed into a wall. Shannon had my body pinned.

“Who the fuck do you think you are,” Shannon growled I met his eyes for a moment they were so enraged. I was screwed right now. “You think you can just hug other men, Tatiana,” he growled.

“Shannon,”

“Shut the fuck up,” he grabbed my chin forcing me to look into his eyes. “It was enough that you were all over him all night,”

“Can we not do this here?” I begged trying to walk off.

“Fucking listen!!” he yelled. “You’re Mine, Tatiana if you think it’s okay for you to be flirting and hugging him al night,”

“Can we go-“

“Fine,” he snapped pushing me outside the club against the wall next to the door. “I came here to spend the night with you, I went to get something to help you, and I go and get you one drink and you do fucking that,”

“Shannon, it was a joke,” I whined. He grabbed me by my cheeks squishing my face forcing me to look into his eyes.

“You disrespectful little whore, you think hugging another man while I’m going to the bar is a joke?” he snapped. “He’s been flirting with you all night, eyes all over you,”

“that’s not my fault,”

“Did you shut it down,”

“I was here with you,” I whined, my head was boiling. I could feel it. “I was having a great night with you, and yes friends who might have flirted with me, but my eyes were on you,”

“Until you hugged him,”

“I was still talking about you,” I cried. “Ask them,” I told.

“Fuck that,” he snapped.

“I’m sorry, Shannon, I didn’t think I did anything wrong, but if I hurt you in some way I’m sorry,” I said trying the other way that wasn’t blowing up, I had to live with him now, I couldn’t just walk home. He put his forehead against my own, his hand on my neck.

“You’re mine, Tatiana,” he warned. “I promise you that you’re going to have a hard time getting away from me.” He pressed down a little. With his hand.

“Shannon,”

“no, Tatiana,”

“You’re hurting me,” I said

“I don’t care what you do,” he warned.

“stop,” I begged.

“Tatty?” I heard, we both looked over. Chester was looking at me.

“I’m fine,” I said quickly, “We’re fine, Ju”

“I’ll fuck them up Tatiana” Shannon growled. My head snapped.

“Fucking stop!!” I snapped pushing Shannon away with all my might. “What do you want me to go to fucking jail,” I screamed at him.

“no-“

“No, fuck you, Shannon!!” I yelled. “Every time!!” I yelled. “You push me and push me until I become a fucking psycho,” I told.

“Tatty,” Chester warned.

“Fuck off!” I spat turning back to Shannon. “I give my life for you, and I do that because I want too, because I love you,” I told.

“T,” he said holding his hands up. “I’m wro-“

“No, you fuck bitches when I’m out working my ass off, making my life better”

“I haven’t done that in a long time,”

“no, but I hug one person, one person in a fucking joke, and you turning to an ass to push my buttons because this is a fucking show to you,” he told. “you want me to turn into a complete psycho, you want me to go to Jail,” I yelled. “Fine,” I said walking over to a trash can lifting it above my head. “Here’s me giving you what you want,” I used my entire body strength for it to be stopped one second before it left my hands. My eyes met Mikes.

“No,” he said shaking his head.

“Fuck you too,” I spat turning toward the road. Fuck them all.

“Tatiana,” Shannon and Chester called in unison.

“No fuck you all,” I said turning and sticking my finger up at them taking a step on the road, I head someone scream, then someone call my name before I felt it crash into my side. I felt like I was in the air for three hours before I slammed into the glass and rolled off on to the ground. With a thud.

“Tatty!!” I heard. “Tatty baby!” there was a herd of footprints coming toward me I felt Shannon’s hand on my forehead I looked at him. “baby,” he cried.

“I’m okay,” I said going to sit up.

“Tatty, don’t move,” I heard a voice say. “Is someone calling an ambulance?” the voice asked.

“Yeah,” the female answered.

“Baby,” Shannon said I looked up at him. “I’m sorry,” I closed my eyes.

“Is she okay?” I heard I felt the air near my head move,

“What the fuck man!” I heard then I heard a scuffle.

“Shannon!” someone called. “Chester, make sure he doesn’t make it worse,” I heard that voice got closer to my head. “It’s Mike Tatiana,” he said. “It’s going to be okay, alright” I looked at him. He smiled down at me. I felt my heart starting to beat fast as hell,

“My chest,” I whispered. Everything was going slow, everything sounded slow.

“It’s okay,” Mike said soothing my head. “Just focus on your breathing, in. . . out. .. in... out.” There was a bunch of noise and another couple of voices joined the noise that kept building.

“What’s the story,” someone asked.

“She didn’t see the car,” Mike said.

“Shan?” I called. Reaching my hand out.

“Shh,” Someone soothed.

“Keep still,” he hushed I felt a warm hand in mine I relaxed and closed my eyes.

#shannon leto #jared leto #leto #leto brothers #30 Seconds To Mars #echelon #echelon fiction #fandom #fan fiction #fans #fan fic writing #Linkin Park #Chester Bennington #Mike Shinoda #music #30secondstomars #30stm

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chloe-echelon · 6 years

Text

Should I write fan fiction?

I kinda want to write some fan fiction but i’m not sure if i should. Maybe i will write on and see what you guys think? I always wanted to, but i don’t know.

#fanfic #fan fiction #fan fic writing #jared leto #shannon leto #Shannimal #Thirty Seconds to Mars #30 Seconds To Mars #30stm #echelon

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yourbucky084 · 2 years

Text

so I got deleted.

hey everyone. i'm shannon, aka yourbucky084, aka matt murdock whore, ect ect. if you're a matt murdock fan, or an oscar isaac fan, chances are you've read my fics. i've been trying to collect my thoughts about this for a while, but i feel like the title says it best. yes, my account that i've had since 2014 l was deleted yesterday. 2,670+ followers, 1,000+ posts, years and years of supporting my fellow writers, and eventually, becoming a writer myself. tumblr has been a (surprisingly) safe place for me through years of bullying, depression, medical issues, ect, ect and losing my account felt like a losing a family member. i have emailed tumblr to see what (if anything) i can recover, but as lana del rey said, hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have. but, after lots of tears, lots of screaming, and panic texting friends (@saintmurd0ck u are a saint among us fr <3), I have decided to rebuild. so hi! welcome back. over the next couple weeks, i'm going to repost my fics, remake my masterlist, and try my best to follow everyone. i'm including my old taglist to spread the world, but if you all would reblog/repost/spread the world that would do wonders. i'm distraught but I can't end on this note. enjoy whores! - shannon <3

@i-said-it-n-i-meant-itnt-itt-it @crazyxshit@peakyrogers @laura-palmer-del-rey @pettypartypooper @ferxaniti @m0chaminx @srquinnhexa @fairyofspring @mnxxlove @kayxvii @hisdoll107 @hellmoonsin @mattmurdock82 @zabblegrabble @leto-duke @baconmuffins1216 @laprvphette @flawssy227 @the-dragonsqueen @galaxysgal @leossmoonn @shakespeareanwannabe @dontsaypetertingle @iflostreturntobudcooper @aliceblisss @phantomkindalikejaiden @phoebe-danvers @sfr99 @twentyfirstcenturyfox @justlenastuff @btsforlif @optic-neenee @foxe @floof-butt @general-latino @tobyr68 @tatespillows @aimerriarkle @tooflef @trapped-in-this-love @wasicskosgirl @tiredpurpleee @crazyxshit @delmoyyy

#matt murdock smut #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock fanfiction #oscar isaac #oscar issac smut #oscar issac x reader #santiago garcia x reader #poe dameron x reader #pedro pascal x reader #frankie morales x reader #daredevil

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textsfrommars · 7 years

Text

Shannon & Penelope

Text Message #28

requested by @jayded-dreams

[Dialogue Prompts Masterlist]

#jared leto #shannon leto #tomo milicevic #thirty seconds to mars #30stm #30 seconds to mars #shannon leto fanfic #shannon leto fanfiction #fanfic #fan fic #fanfiction #fan fiction #thirty seconds to mars fanfic #fake texts #penelope reid #rare sunshine

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jokers-sweethearts · 7 years

Text

Jared Leto Daughter Imagine: Artifact

Request: (anon) Can you make the christmas tree headcanons a full imagine? Can I request that it would be what jareds daughter would be like during the filming of the whole documentary artifact 😊 (edit: can her name be gregan)

////////

It was six in the morning and she already heard the anger in his voice down stairs. The sun was barely rising over LA when Gregan got out of bed and threw on one of her fathers flannels over her nightgown. She tip toed out of her room and sat at the top of the stairs just behind the wall above the studio and living room so her father wouldn’t see her.

Jared did his best to shield her from the situation, it was part that he didn’t want her to worry and part that he didn’t want her to see him in a time when he thought he failed. He put his head in his hand holding his phone with the other in silence listening to the man on the other end. It was worse than he thought. Way worse.

Gregan had never seen her father like this before, so unsure and without his usual confidence. She felt an urge deep down in her stomach to run to him and throw the phone across the room and just hug him. But the practical part held her back, she knew he got more upset when business was interrupted. His voice started t raise and match the person on the other end of the line. He got up and started pacing back and forth taking moments to pause and breath out looking over LA. She hated how life had been lately. It wasn’t the usual happiness that she had always known. Her father was distant and distracted by work more than usual. she wanted his attention for herself and to help him.

To hell with it, Gregan thought, he’d never get mad at her for interrupting. She stood up revealing herself and quickly and as quietly as possible made her way down the stairs. Jared heard her bare feet pattering across the tile and turned to face her Gregan stopped in her tracks when she saw his face. He was tense and angry and the veins under his eyes told her he hadn’t slept. But once she stopped and he fully took in her sight, his eyes grew a bit more tender. His face stopped showing his anger and started showing his exhaustion. He opened his mouth to say something but it was like an invisible force stopped him.

His daughter ran up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist taking him in her tiny hug. She could tell he was weak because he almost fell back when she collided with him. He let out a small relieved sigh before taking her hand and leading her over to the couch. He sat down and leaned his head back still listening on the phone as she cuddled next to him. She intertwined her arms with his and rested her chin on his shoulder while throwing her feet across his legs. Jared could tell she wasn’t acting her usual self either. But there was nothing he could do about it now with his head scattered besides hold her close.

Gregan wanted to protest and speak up against the person now yelling at her father but when she looked up at him he shot her a stern look, always knowing what his little girl was thinking. She listened for what seemed like forever before Jared finally threw the phone down at his side on the couch. He didn’t say a word, just wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her onto his lap and cuddled her next to him. Gregan could feel his heart pounding and didn’t know how else to help beside rest her cheek against his chest.

..........

“I just want to feel good” Jared said, laughing nervously. The camera crew was crowding around them. Jared had his daughter playing off to the side, not wanting her on camera for these moments and when she didn’t have to be.

Shannon took a moment to think, wondering of what to say to guide his little brother. No matter how old they got Shannon wanted to protect him, and Jared wanted to be protected. But still Shannon was just as exhausted as his brother and everyone else in this lawsuit debacle.

“This whole thing doesn’t feel good. It’s not supposed to feel good, this whole thing” Shannon started to animate his words with his hands, a habit Jared had as well, both inherited from their mother. “You’ve got the unstable client, you’ve got the unstable EMI. It’s all unstable” Shannon’s intent was to talk and make Jared feel better, but it became clear after a while that he was also speaking for himself. “ So there’s no feeling that’s gonna be attached to like ‘oh’. You’ve got the album we’re doing, everything here is a little unstable”.

Jared ran his hand over the scruff on his chin and breathed out deeply. Just hearing the world album, it filled him with so much hope and fear all at once. this next album meant everything, the lawsuit and the record label could go to hell but this album was going to be the thing to pull them out of this pit if not financially, emotionally and mentally. As much as Jared wanted to pretend he was a little boy again and get lost in a fantasy pretending it would be okay, he knew his big brother was right. It wasn’t okay. He looked over at his daughter, innocently playing off while him and Shannon talked. That was what he was most afraid of. Jared snapped his fingers and pointed down at the ground. That was his way of telling the cameras to go off, by now the crew knew it meant he was going to talk about his daughter.

“You know what pissed me off most about these mother fuckers? When they sued us it wasn’t just... us. I have a kid to take care of man. What if...” Jared froze and opened his eyes wide before blinking, holding back tears.

“Nothing is going to happen to that little girl man, you’d never let that happen. I wouldn’t. Tomo wouldn’t” Shannon said in a low voice, not wanting to alert his niece. “I mean we may be fucked” he laughed trying to lighten the situation “but she’ll always be taken care of”.

“30 million dollars dude, if we lost this I don’t know where that leaves the family” it pained Shannon to see his brother, always the dreamer, talk like this. Jared continued to keep his eyes on his daughter, wondering if her change in attitude was just a reflection of his or if there was something deeper she wasn’t saying.

“Remember we were way worse off.... and did mom ever let us down?”

Jared looked at his brother and cracked a half smile, that was all the answer Shannon needed. He felt the phone in his pocket begin to vibrate and pulled it out, his lawyer. Shannon gave Jared a knowing look before walking over to pick up Gregan. She had become accustomed to the looks her father and uncle were giving, so she knew there was tension in the air.

Once inside the house they joined her dad on the couches outside the studio. She looked through the glass door as best she could and saw copious food wrappers and coffee mugs, signaling thy had been in there all night. More like every night the past few months. The camera men resumed filming Jared and Gregan watched them more comfortably. At first she was nervous around them, not wanting anymore bad people around her dad, but as they were around for a few months she grew to understand what was happening. The way Jared explained it, was he wanted both him and her to be able to look back on these days when hopefully things were better, and remember how bad it could be. Jared was worried that might be too morbid for her, but it was the only way he could explain what was happening without fully explaining it.

Gregan settled next to her uncle and watched her father on the phone. He was dressed unusually. Just plain black pants and a plain black long sleeve with his hair tied back in a low bun. It was unusual for him. No flannel, no scarfs, not even his echelon necklace. Jared had been too distracted and too determined to get this situation fixed that some days he didn’t even have time to look in the mirror or dress how he usually wanted. Shannon tickled Gregan’s sides to make her smile, but it just made her uncomfortable not to be able to hear what her dad was saying.

“Hey kid come here!” Shannon said picking her up in his his bear hands as her father called them. He held her against his chest in a hug and she couldn’t resist but to wrap her arms around his neck tightly. Shannon did give the best hugs. To tell the truth, Gregan needed one badly. She may have been too young to understand exactly what was happening but she knew something was up. Knowing that however didn’t change the fact that she needed love. Sometimes Jared got so consumed in his work she feared he forgot about her. “Don’t worry about your daddy all right? He’s got everything under control”.

“I’m gonna have to tell them they can suck my fucking proverbial dick” Jared said annoyed across the room.

“Well.... “ Shannon said looking at the floor with a small smirk over her shoulder “I have everything under control if he doesn’t”.

Gregan laughed ad it felt so good. It had been a while since the house, usually so filled with music and life, had heard her genuine laugh. It caught both brothers off guard and they smiled wide not even knowing it. When Jared heard his daughter laugh like that, it ignited a fire inside of him, one he had been dying to feel the warmth of for months. He made up an excuse to hang up on his lawyer and put his phone away. He went over to his brother and stole his little girl from his arms. The camera men took the rare opportunity to capture the father and daughter on tape in a happy moment. If it didn’t make the final cut, they at least wanted the family who they had grown to love have these special moments saved.

Reality was quickly knocked back in with a knock on the door. Gregan suddenly shot her head up off her dad’s shoulder and kicked her feet for him to put her down.

“Uncle Tomo!” she called out running to the door. Jared took a seat next to his brother and waited for their third musketeer to enter.

Tomo and Gregan’s shrieks of excitement echoed through the house. No matter how shitty the situation every single person could count on Tomo to make it better and make them smile. he walked in carrying Gregan in one arm and his guitar in the other with a duffle bag swung around his back. When he set her down she ran back over to her dad’s side, wanting to keep the smile he had on his face.

“Well fucking finally” Jared teased him wrapping his arm around his daughter.

“Sorry sorry sorry!” Tomo said dropping his bags on the floor and lounging on the opposite couch. “So we getting started now or is there time for a beer first?” Tomo asked knowing once they got started he wouldn’t see day light for what felt like years.

“You guys relax while I’ll take this little one to bed okay?” Jared whisked Gregan up and headed up stairs. Over his back she waved to her uncles and they blew her kisses. She wanted desperately to stay with them and keep her eyes open but as soon as she felt the warmth of her fathers chest she drifted off to sleep.

..........

The months continued to drag on, each day not getting too much easier, some worse. The LA skyline that Jared usually felt comfort in seemed like a burden when it shined through his windows. December already. It was days like this when he missed the snow, it was rare that he missed much from his childhood, but it had it’s moments. He threw his covers off and picked up his glass of milk from the nightstand to take down stairs. If he didn’t have his life together he at least wanted his room to be neat.

He didn’t even bother to change out of his blue pajamas, it was one of those days where he needed full comfort. he poured out his glass in the sink and let the water run for a few moments as he stared at his awards placed over the sink. MTV awards, music awards, he told everyone they were over the sink for laughs but a part of him wanted them there to remind him first thing when he woke up. At least he made something of himself. There was a time when he thought he’d never even own a house.

He thought back twenty year in the past, when he left home and was sleeping on the beaches of LA without work. Just a backpack and some money, now he had a beautiful home in the hills he thought he’d have to rob to get into.

“Daddy?” he heard behind him and switched off the water. His daughter was in her pajamas, holding her stuffed animal, and rubbing her eyes. Gregan thought catching him early in the morning would be a good opportunity to have him all to herself. No work, no phone calls, just her dad and her. It felt like forever in her short life where she really got to connect with him again.

“Hey baby” he said walking over and lifting her up onto the island in the kitchen. “How my angel with morning?”

“Good” she said looking out the window and in an instant she woke fully up and looked at him with the big blue eyes he had passed onto her. “Wait it’s christmas!” all the days felt the same to her as well, she almost forgot it was December.

Jared leaned down to her with both hands on either side on the counter and placed a kiss on her forehead “Well we still got about 3 weeks baby”.

‘So! we need a christmas tree!” she said full of delight.

Jared hadn’t even given it thought, he felt overwhelmed at the thought of even celebrating christmas and ashamed for thinking he could pass it on and not celebrate with her.

“How about we get some breakfast first and then we’ll talk okay baby? Pancakes?” he tapped her noise with his finger making her giggle.

“Yes please!”

...........

“it’s the moment of truth and the moment to fight....” Jared sang soft and slow as he practiced the guitar strings.

Shannon was over at his drums and Tomo was experimenting on his instrument. Gregan was laying across the bench in the studio watching all of them intently. She was happy to see them busy and not fighting for once with anyone. But still it had been hours since her dad and her talked about the tree and she was done waiting. She sat up and hoped down marching over to him.

“Daddy!” she said with confidence but he couldn’t hear her over his headphones. She stood on her tiptoes and pulled them off herself. “I said daddy!” she repeated herself annoyed.

Jared sighed looking down at her as gently as he could, “what is it baby?”

“You promised we could get the tree today”.

“I said no such thing! Where do you get this stuff?” he continued to play his guitar shrugging it off.

“It’d make me happy” Gregan replied, her voice taking a turn that Jared couldn’t help but notice. He set his guitar down next to him and went to pick her up. He could tell she was resisting a bit. When he sat her on his lap he planted a kiss on the top of her head.

“You saying you’re not happy?” he whispered in her ear, nervous about her response.

“I’d be happier with a christmas tree” she said swinging her feet over her dad’s legs.

Jared felt his chest tighten up and he breathed heavily to gt rid of the feeling. Suddenly everything seemed really small in comparison to his daughters words.

“I’ll make you happy then” he whispered to her and set her feet on the ground before standing up. “Go get dressed, put on warm clothes and come back down okay?”

Gregans face lit up just as Jared was hoping and she ran off to go do as he said. She was filled with excitement, finally to get a day away from the music and everything putting stress on the family and have a normal day, and get a tree.

When she was ready she headed back down stairs, Emma was waiting by the front door for her with a winter coat.

“All right sweetie put out your arms” she said spreading the coat to put on you. “I have to personally thank you myself hun. Getting your dad out for this is exactly what he needs” Emma said as she pulled your hair out over the collar. At least Emma was always on the same page as you. She brought that woman’s touch you could count on.

It was almost comical seeing all the crew load their stuff into the car to go get the tree. Jared himself was starting to warm up to the idea, a little bit of comic or familial relief could be good for the documentary. The drive there Gregan sat on Shannon’s lap in the back seat while her father was in front on the phone. She got slightly discouraged seeing him take the time to work when it was supposed to be all about christmas. But even she couldn’t expect him to put off work completely. She knew her dad better than that.

When you pulled up to the tree farm you beat everyone by being the first one out of the car. You ran around the front to grab your dad’s hand and lead him into the trees. Jared lifted her up in his arms and kissed her cheek.

“See one you like baby?” he asked and she just pointed in the directions she wanted him to go.

Gregan started smiling and chanting “look look!” pointing in the direction of a tree. Jared carried her over to what he thought she was looking at. It was what he expected. A tall and full tree, vibrant green, the kind of tree he didn’t even knew existed when he was a kid at christmas. Jared extended his hand to touch it.

“Wow well would ya look at that” he said sarcastically turning to share a laugh with his brother. Emma stood off to the side with a smirk.

“This the one you want?” Shannon said searching for a price tag.

“No no no!” Gregan protested

Jared and Shannon both looked at her confused, “No?” they said simultaneously while Emma began to giggle.

“I was pointing to that one!” she said moving her arm to the side around the huge tree in front of them.

Jared and Shannon leaned to their right to peak at the tree. It was the complete opposite of what they thought. Gregan struggled in her dad’s arms and he got the hint to put her down. She skipped over to the tree that was no bigger than her.

“I want this one!” she said with a huge smile spreading across her face.

It was small, frail, and barely had any green on it.

“It’s a Charlie Brown tree” Shannon said joining her next to it and laughing.

“Is that good?” she said confused looking up at him.

Jared walked over and pulled the price tag out the middle.

“It says 99 bucks, I ain’t paying 20 bucks for that. 20 bucks” Jared said in denial picking a stick off the ground and poking it.

“Daddy stop!” Gregan grabbed his arm laughing.

“He’s got a little arthritis on the knuckle right there”.

“His hair’s falling out” Shannon teased with him.

“You really want this one baby? I mean...” Jared asked in disbelief.

“Yes! Please daddy!” she hugged his leg knowing he couldn’t resist her when she did that.

“How much are you going to pay us to drag this out of here?” Jared continued

“I mean look at this thing” Shannon couldn’t believe her choice either.

“I mean, this is the ugliest tree I’ve ever seen in my entire life.... but if you want it” he placed his hand on top of his daughters head and stroked her hair. “19.99? All right we’ll take it”.

Gregan started jumping up and down in excitement and tried to pick the tree up herself. Shannon laughed and threw it over his shoulder nonchalantly as Jared took her hand and they headed to the car, tree in tow.

Back at the house Gregan carried the christmas ornaments a few at a time into the living room and started to decorate the tree right after Shannon put it up in the corner.

“It was a bargain” Jared said looking on and sighing in relief at his little girl.

............

Jared woke up from another night where he barely got a few hours. Only this time it wasn’t because his mind was lost on the lawsuit, it was because he was so worried about his daughter. He could admit to himself that his attention was off of her more than usual. But this thing with the record label was consuming him and the band, plus the new album took up any creative freedom room he had left.

He knew something wasn’t right with her, he had seen her upset before but not like this. A little girl shouldn’t be this distant from him. Even over the holidays, there was something in her eyes that said she wasn’t completely there. He got out of bed, the sun barely over the horizon, and headed to her room. When he opened the door he was surprised to see that she was already awake. Tucked in under the covers and clinging her stuffed animal to her.

“Baby?” Jared began walking in and shutting the door behind him. “Why are you up so early”.

“Couldn’t sleep” she whispered up to him. He sat beside her and leaned down to give her a kiss. He could feel her pulling away from him.

“What’s wrong?” he questioned, not wanting to dance around the subject. Jared always wanted her to be honest.

Gregan didn’t answer and just hugged her toy closer. She buried her head in the fur of it to avoid him.

“Oh no no no.....” he snuck his hand under her chin to pull her up so he could look at her. “Don’t do that now, you and I don’t keep stuff from each other” he gave her another kiss on her cheek to make her more comfortable.

“I don’t want to make things worse” she finally blurted out.

Jared stared at her for a moment stunned, “worse?” he said edging her to continue.

“You’re already so mad because of what’s happening” Gregan voice cracked a bit, now Jared knew it was serious seeing tears beginning to form.

“Nothing is important enough that you can’t tell me something, okay? What is it baby?” he wiggled her chin back and forth in his hand.

Gregan thought for a moment, trying to figure out how to form her words. How to tell her father that she felt like she was coming second and she hated it, that she wanted this all to be over, for thing to go back to normal. Just thinking about all the stuff clouded her mind and there was nothing she could do besides just let the words out.

“You care about it more than me” she said and tears unleashed down the sides of her face.

Jared was so taken a back by what she said he didn’t wipe them away at first.

“Care about what?” he pressed her more.

“About the music about everything going on. You care about it all more than me”.

Jared felt that same tight feeling in his chest and it shot all throughout his body. His absolute worst fear was coming true. He thought he was doing so well at protecting her from this situation but in reality he was shutting her out. Keeping her young and careless was what he really wanted, now he was responsible for forcing her to grow up too soon and having her think that he wasn’t there.

“Oh baby baby baby...” he said shaking his head. He took his hands and put them on both of her cheeks and wiped her tears away with his thumbs.

Gregan tried to push away from him but he kept a steady grip on her.

“shhhh baby... listen to daddy” he said softly placing a quick kiss on her nose. “It’s hard to understand right now I know. But all I care about it you.” he said feeling tears start to build up inside of him as well. He blinked vigorously to keep them at bay.

“No you don’t!” she raised her voice “all you do and talk about is all that music stuff”.

Jared realized this was deeper than he originally thought.The months that this lawsuit was dragging on were hard on him, he was coming to terms this moment that the people who really suffered were his family. The words he said to Shannon a while ago were ringing in his head “it wasn’t just us”.

Jared adjusted himself on the bed and pulled his daughter into a hug. When he was at a loss for words he defaulted to this. He held her and let her cry in his arms, as much as it hurt to hear her, he knew he needed to let her do it. Gregan wanted to break away from him and just hide under the covers. She had been holding in these thoughts for so long and now it was all coming out. But what she wanted more than anything in the world was her daddy. He was the only one who could really understand her at the end of the day, even if he was the source of her pain.

Jared pulled her away after a few minutes and patted her pillow before he laid her head down on it. He took her blankets and put them over her, tucking her in again. He grabbed her stuffed animal and tucked it in next to her. The sun was now fully exposed over the hollywood hills and peaking through her window. Jared took a moment to admire his baby in the sun light. When he saw her eyes look up at him, everything became clear for the first time in a while. Gregan had more she wanted to say, but she was stopped by her tears continuing to fall.

“Honey this whole thing took us all by surprise. I never meant to hurt you. You have to understand that first things first. I know I haven’t been paying attention to you like I should be. And I haven’t been there emotionally. But baby listen...” Jared knew he had to be frank in order for her to understand. There was no way to sugar coat this. Just like he had said to Shannon that he just wanted to feel good and Shannon gave it to him straight. It felt much better than any beautiful lie that he could have heard. “Everything I do I do for you. Understand? This whole situation, there are people that want to hurt me and take things away from me. Which means that you get hurt. And I would never ever let that happen baby”.

Gregan laid down quietly, the tears slowing down, trying to comprehend her fathers words.

“You know daddy didn’t have a lot growing up, so all I wanted when I had you was to give you the world and make you happy. Someone is trying to take that away. I just have to stop that from happening. I know it’s a lot baby I know. But wherever I am and whatever I’m doing, it’s all for you, you hear what I’m saying?”

Gregan felt the goosebumps on her skin begin to fade as she shook her head yes. It was simple but it was the solution. She just needed to be sure and hear it from him.

“If daddy doesn’t work hard to fix this then.... it’s risking...” Jared had to be careful about his next word choice. He decided to go with something he knew she’d definitely understand. “It’s risking you not be happy, baby”.

Gregan saw her father, the man who was always in control and always had a plan but who also hadn’t been himself in so long open up to her. Her tears weren’t coming from a sad or angry place anymore, but relief and happiness that she was really connecting with him again. Like that morning she woke up and saw him on the phone, she couldn’t resist the urge to hug him. She jumped up and wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed. Jared was in complete bliss with his baby in his arms. When everything else seemed to be falling down around him, he could still hold things together with her.

A huge weight was lifted off both of them and it really hit Jared, who had gone without much sleep since this nightmare began. He tucked his daughter back in bed only this time he laid down next to her. She turned to face him and snuggle up in his chest. He held her firmly in his arms and rested his chin on top of her head. He felt as protected by her as he intended to make her feel with him.

“You understand what I said baby? I mean every word”.

“Yeah, I do daddy” she replied in a tired voice.

“No more secrets okay? We always talk to each other when something is wrong, promise?” He said closing his eyes.

“Promise” she reassured him before they were both asleep.

..........

The next day Jared sat down stairs with his brother over coffee. Shannon could sense the change in his little brother, he was both stressed and relaxed all at once.

“I’ve been thinking” Jared started the conversation.

“About?” Shannon twirled his drum stick between his fingers.

“About adding something else to the documentary”.

“That’s your department brother, you’re the filmmaker” Shannon chuckled out.

“Well it would call for some private stuff. I want to have mom come in, when we do the interviews for the doc I was thinking we add some stuff about when we were kids” Jared said without hesitation. He was nervous as hell but didn’t want to show it and discourage Shannon.

Shannon sighed deeply looking out the window, “What about when we were kids?”

“Where we came from, how we discovered music, our struggles before this one”.

Shannon stayed silent unsure of what to say. The past wasn’t the happiest place to revisit for either of them, Shannon in particular thought liked to avoid it.

“I want to do this for Gregan. Take a break from this shit for a moment. Show her that we were kids once too. We know it fucking sucks when your parents don’t make the world.... feel all that safe” Jared said earnestly touching on something he tried to put behind him.

Shannon understood now and he felt like he had the wind knocked out of him.

“All right, I trust you. But you gotta fucking remember something” he looked Jared dead in the eye. “You’re not our dad. You’re a fucking good father”.

Jared shook his head and cracked a small smile that Shannon gave in return.

“I’ll call mom”.

...........

“I was... breaking the law...” Shannon said looking down at the floor, before smirking at the camera. Jared sat behind it with Gregan in his lap and gave him a smile back, tickling her side.

“He’d disappear for days at a time... I never knew where he was” Constance shrugged in front of the camera. The pain was there but it was so long ago she had learned how to heal from it. Constance was the strongest person in every room to her sons, and Jared wanted to make sure his daughter knew that.

Gregan watched and listened in fascination as her grandmother talked about her dad and uncle. It was hard to remember that her daddy was once a kid too. Seeing the pictures of him so young and hearing the stories made her feel more connected to him than ever.

There were certain things Jared didn’t want Gregan to know yet. Some stuff had to wait until she was older, some he never wanted her to hear. For now, Jared just wanted to reassure her that she wasn’t alone. That he knew what she was going through. Most importantly he wanted her to know that tough times happen to everyone. But it’s not the end.

“I think that’s enough for today huh everyone?” Jared called out and Shannon and Constance both shook their head in agreement.

Jared swung Gregan up in his arms. She rested her head on his pink shirt and played with the scarf around his neck. He was dressing like his normal self again.

“I was thinking we’d go talk a walk up the hill a bit. Would you like that baby?” he whispered and she shook her head yes.

The now three generations of the Leto family made their way outside and felt the cool LA air hit them. When they reached their spot on the top of the hill they all took a seat under the tree. Something they all had in common was needing the calm of the skyline in times like this.

“So how is this really going honey?” Constance said brushing the loose strands of her sons hair that he missed tying back, behind his ear.

Jared sighed and held Gregan close to him.

“Don’t you wanna make something that lives forever? Something that’s phenomenal, something that’s great, something that’s undeniable? That touches the core of every person that hears it. You wanna make something beautiful, something moving, something provocative, something that’s pure and true” Jared said. Unleashing everything he hoped to come out of this lawsuit and album and life in one instant.

“I do. I did” Constance said without skipping a beat. “I created you. I have you”.

Jared turned his head and looked at his mom, instantly he was reverted back to being a little boy again and smiled at her, eyes glazed over. But he just held his daughter closer to him and again, felt like a grown man. He saw her staring out at the LA lights and she reminded him so much of himself and his brother and his mother all in one. He whispered back to his mother,

“And I have her. We’ll be just fine”.

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rhina988 · 7 years

Text

The Heart Wants What it Wants - Chapter 9

Read from the beginning

Read Chapter 8

Dad and I were walking towards the end of the hallway, approaching the wonderful garden where Lucas and all the guests were anxiously waiting for me to come out. The day was gorgeous, sunny and pleasant, just as I have always imagined it would be when I started walking down the aisle. As I heard the wedding march, my stomach started to turn. It wasn't as pleasant a feeling as I have thought it would be. Somehow it felt like I wasn't doing the right thing. Dad glanced at me as we were stepping out of the hallway into the garden and I squeezed his arm a bit tighter, as if I didn't want him to let me go. He just smiled and rubbed his hand over mine.

We were moving slowly and as we laid our feet over the flowers tossed to the ground, my eyes flew to the right, spotting a tall blonde gentleman that looked completely taken a back by me. That was the moment when my heart skipped a beat. I was barely able to control my emotions and stop myself from smiling or even worse, fainting.

I walked pass my mom that was already crying like a baby, looking proudly at me. I sent her an air kiss, kissed my dad and stood across Lucas who was completely astounded by the way I looked. We took each other's hands and his face immediately lighted up. I on the other hand couldn't have been more cold-hearted. I glanced to Jared's direction once, wanting to end this wedding as soon as possible. The minister started the ceremony and my anticipation grew stronger.

Is it possible that I'm actually thinking about running away from my own wedding? Well, that was the only thought on my mind. I was more certain than ever that I couldn't possibly marry Lucas. The minister went through the first part of the ceremony and said “If anyone objects to this marriage, let them speak now or forever hold their peace”.

That was it. My escape. The minister barely had the chance to finish the sentence when I spoke my mind.

"I do, " I said and looked at Lucas. He just laughed and shook his head.

"Not now honey," he said through a smile, and all the guests laughed thinking I was too eager to say the big words.

"No. I object," I said and Lucas's pupils instantly dilated from surprise.

"You what? How could you...Nicole..." he was shocked. No words could come out of his mouth, whereas I couldn't have waited to speak any longer or I would have combust.

"I'm so sorry, Lucas, but I can't marry you."

He was devastated. I thought for sure he was gonna burst into tears right then and there. All the guests gasped, and I heard my mother's surprise, as she was the loudest among all of them. She just said my name, not believing what she heard, and I can't even describe how my dad looked. The mixture of shock and disappointment written all over his face. I've never seen him so hurt in my life. I just made a sad face, tapped Lucas's shoulder and said I was sorry one more time, as I started running towards the parking lot. All the guests immediately rose up as I ran pass them, and they started murmuring between themselves.

I ran out of the garden straight to my car, and as I buckled up I heard the door open. It was Jared, coming inside with me.

"Are you crazy? What are you doing," he asked me unable to control his excitement and satisfaction that I wasn't able to go on with the wedding.

"You were right, I don't love him. I don't know what I was thinking, planning everything till the very end," I said and took off my veil tossing it to the back seat.

"So, now what?" Jared asked.

"Now, we run away. Together. If you're up for it," I suggested and Jared came closer to kiss me, giving me a clear response.

"Drive to my place. Nobody will find you there, and tomorrow we can fly anywhere you want. "

Luckily, I have had all the essentials already packed for the honeymoon trip, and I was literally ready for flying anywhere with Jared. We headed from Malibu to his house in the Hollywood Hills. As we were driving, I kept thinking about the mess I've just made and my phone kept ringing off the hook. I ignored it through the entire drive because I wouldn't be able to explain anything to whomever was on the other side of the line. This little adventure that Jared and I started was never supposed to go so far, but it went even farther.

We came to his house ready to collect our thoughts. Once we entered the living room, I heard someone almost choking. It was Shannon. He saw me in a wedding dress walking alongside Jared, so God only knows what went through Shannon's mind and he almost suffocated in his coffee.

"Don't worry bro, it's not what you think," Jared instantly tried to calm Shannon down.

"I sure hope it isn't," Shannon said leaving the mug on the coffee table, standing up to greet me.

"What are you doing here, anyway," Jared asked as he went to the kitchen to bring him and me some coffee, "This is my brother Shannon, by the way.”

"You're supposed to fly to Italy tomorrow, so I came to wish you a safe flight. Hi, nice to meet you..."

"Nicole. Nice to meet you too," I said and approached Shannon to shake hands with him.

“Umm, Italy?" I was surprised by this.

"Yeah, it's Milan fashion week and I always attend the show," Jared came bringing the coffee.

"So, what happened?" Shannon pointed to my dress and me.

"I ran away from my own wedding," I just blurred it out.

"Runaway bride, huh," Shannon said and chuckled, "And you chose this dork, over your fiancé?"

"Something like that," I said and sat down, leaning back to rest my head on the back of the couch.

“Bold move, Nicole,” Shannon sipped a bit of his coffee and looked at Jared as he was coming back from the kitchen.

Jared sat next to me, rubbed my knee and gave me a mug.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m not really sure. Everything happened so fast, I just...” I said and huffed, taking a sip of coffee and staring in it for a while to try to collect my thoughts.

“I’m gonna leave the two of you to talk it out. Have a safe flight bro, and I’ll see you when you come back.” Shannon said and hugged Jared.

“Thanks, see you later,” Jared came back to sit next to me.

“I can’t believe I actually ran away,” I said shaking my head and putting a mug on the coffee table. I leaned forward resting my arms on my knees, as I buried my face in my hands.

“Hey, hey, you did the right thing,” Jared rubbed my back, trying to console me, “We’re in this together, and you shouldn’t worry about anything.”

I looked him in the eyes and hugged him tight. I felt him squeezing me tighter, and that’s all I needed right now. That moment when you hug someone, and they hug you back just a bit harder, letting you know they never want to let you go. This was the first time Jared and I actually shared a moment of true connection and intimacy. From all the passion and lust that we were consumed by in the previous weeks, I didn’t really realized he actually cared about me on a completely new level. Now I was certain I made the right choice.

Chapter 10

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heavenlydreamerblog · 6 years

Text

In Too Deep

Chapter 8

WARNING: Smut

I smiled when I saw the look on his face. It was part worry but also amusement at whatever they’d been talking about.

“There’s nothing worse than little brothers breaking the spell,” he laughed, placing the phone face down on the desk. “Where were we before J called with his woman problems?” Shannon pulled me into his arms with a huge bear hug.

I screeched. “Shannon I can barely breathe, let me go.” We were both laughing as he lifted me off my feet, carrying me out of the office and down the hallway. “You, young lady, have done enough work for today,” he said, opening a door to a room before letting my tip toes touch the floor. I looked around at the white walls. A massive bed continued the theme with white pillows and comforter. Slatted blinds caused the light from outside to cast striped shadows across the room.

“Remember what I said on the plane Lexy? About not going all the way with you at that moment?” His hands held my face up, so he could look me directly in the eyes. “I meant what I said. That wasn’t the right time or place. But now ....” he paused and looked questioningly at me. “Does this feel right for you?” His fingers circled the back of my neck waiting for an answer.

I breathed deeply. This did feel right ... and maybe it would erase the memory of last night’s encounter. My arms were already wrapped around his waist. I placed my lips against his ear and whispered yes before closing my eyes and giving in to his warm embrace.

Shannon removed his vest top and slowly undressed me, taking time to savour every moment. His fingers brushed across my skin, covering me in goosebumps as he folded my clothes in a pile, not rushing, keeping my body wanting, needing more.

“You’re beautiful Lexy,” he murmured, pulling me closer and leading me to the bed. He pulled back the comforter and eased our bodies down, his weight pinning me beneath him. Our lips connected, his tongue probing and caressing my mouth as we lost ourselves in the moment. I could feel him harden as our bodies moved gently together.

His fingers traced my curves, starting at my neck, drifting over nipples and stomach towards my hips, where he stopped. I was lost in the shivering sensation of lust, barely aware of my surroundings. I met his eyes and in that moment I knew we were both there, wanting and needing a deeper connection.

His fingers moved from my hips, easing open my legs and sliding across my soaking wet pussy. I groaned. “Shannon, please let’s take our time.” My voice was shaking as he ignored my plea and thrust two fingers inside me. He then slowly eased them out and back in, tapping at my G spot.

“Please Shan. Don’t make me beg,” I gasped. “Slow down or I’ll cum too soon.” His fingers slid out but instead of backing off, he kissed me deeply while gently rubbing back and forth across my clit with his thumb. My back arched and I let out a deep groan. “Fuck Shan, No!” I pushed him away, not wanting to end the moment.

Instead, I climbed on top of him. He held my hips and smiled that slow, sexy smile of his. “What’s the problem, too much sexual tension for you to handle?”

I lowered my body, so that I straddled him head to toe. Our foreheads were touching. I let out a sigh. “It really hurt when we parted ... and I just want this moment to last forever. Does that sound really silly?”

“No ... because I felt the same ... “ He paused, running his fingers along my ass, tracing the curve of my spine up to my shoulders. “Now we just have to make up for lost time,” he said pulling my head down, so our lips touched.

I could feel his cock twitch against my thigh. I let my fingers trace along the dotted tattoo on his neck, moving down his chest towards his stomach. Again I felt him flinch, his body moving against my weight. I shifted slightly, letting my lips cover him with butterfly kisses until they connected with his erection. My tongue grazed his tip and I listened as his breath grew shallow and a pool of pre cum glistened on the tip.

“Christ Lexy,” he moaned, arching his back and thrusting himself deep into my throat. I allowed my tongue to trace the veins, the salty taste of cum droplets coating my lips. He continued to tease my mouth, but each thrust now slowed until he brought his orgasm back under control. He sat up, gently lifting my head up so that we were again looking each other in the eye, each willing the other to take the next step.

“Lie down on your back babe. Let me look at that beautiful body of yours.” For a few minutes, we remained silent, me lying there while Shannon watched, the anticipation and tension building. He slowly lowered himself down on to the bed, his arm circling my waist, pulling me close so that his tongue flicked over my nipples. The sensation sent shockwaves to my inner core. The ache was so intense that I gasped. “Shannon, let me feel you inside me, please. I can’t wait any longer. Please ....” I wasn’t beyond begging at this point.

He removed his lips from my breast, allowing his hand to move down and part my legs. His fingers slid inside my folds, thrusting deep inside. “Just checking you’re ready,” he smirked, unwrapping the foil from a condom.

The feeling when we eventually connected brought a flood of emotions to the surface. He was gentle, considerate, knowing my every need as my hips bucked upwards, legs wrapped around his waist. “Slowly Lexy, slowly. Look me in the eyes and let’s both slow down. Now how does that feel?” he asked, filling every inch of me, reaching that still point where we both zoned out on the edge of oblivion.

I felt his bones grind into my clit, taking me ever closer to the edge. Our bodies were slick with sweat, chasing that orgasm but always pulling back at the last moment. It was as if all the air had been sucked out of the room, breathless, and dizzy with lust.

“Fuck Lexy, let’s cum.” He wrapped his arms tightly around me, and thrust himself deep inside, pounding relentlessly. I felt it building, first as a distant ache and then blossoming into an earth shattering scream as my body caved in, every inch of me rocked by the intensity of the orgasm. I shivered, at once pulling away and then thrusting back for more, riding out every moment of the climax. Shannon gave one last thrust before groaning deeply and giving in. My walls tightened around him, delighting in his pulsating aftershocks.

We lay in each other’s arms for a good hour, enjoying the afterglow, cuddling and caressing each other’s bodies. After that, Shannon walked me to the bathroom and turned on the shower. Once the steam starting misting the glass, he pulled me inside and we stood under the water, letting it wash over us.

I hastily dressed and towel dried my hair before tying it up and out of the way. My phone vibrated inside my bag. It was Carrie. I pressed answer and immediately held the phone away from my ear as her voice bellowed down the line.

“Where the bloody hell are you Lexy? I’ve had the party caterers calling because they can’t get hold of you and our client’s been texting me, asking where you are.What’s going on? Get yourself into the office so we can go over some of these plans before it’s too late.”

I took a deep breath before replying. “Carrie, give me twenty minutes and I’ll be there. I have been working but I put my phone on silent by mistake.” I cursed, looking at all the missed calls and texts.

The last one from Jared: I’m checking in with my brother tonight. When is it good for us to talk?

I replied quickly, while gesturing to Shannon that I needed to call a cab to get back to the office. I let Jared know that we could talk later that evening, before grabbing my bag and laptop from the office.

“Shannon!” I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly. He laughed as I told him about my boss and my client and all the missed calls.

“Slow down babe. I’ll drive you to the office and you can just relax for five minutes before the shit hits the fan,” he said playfully, watching me squirm at the thought of seeing Carrie.

“Don’t Shannon. It’s not funny. I’m about to have my ass whipped. Carrie sounded so pissed.” I planted a soft kiss on his lips. “I hope this afternoon was worth it,” I said, before bending over to pick up my shoes. “Let’s go before she decides to feed me to the lions.”

I looked up to see him tapping on his phone, before hitting the send message. “My brother says he’s on the way. I guess you don’t have time to hang around to meet him?”

“Shan, you know any other time I’d say yes but this is really bad timing.” I looked at my phone and there was a message from Carrie. “My office in 10 minutes!”

“Shit, I’ve got to go. Can you give me a lift or shall I call a cab?”

Shannon could see the panicked look on my face. “Let me text Jared and tell him to hold off for half an hour. It’ll give me time to get you to work and get back here,” he said, grabbing his car keys off the counter.

Shannon, opened the car door and helped me in with my bags. He settled himself in then turned to face me. He placed his hands on my face, his thumbs easing the frown lines from my brow. “What’s up? I can tell something’s bothering you?” he said. “Are you going to talk or leave me worried?”

I looked away. All I could hear were the words “Let me text Jared”. Please God don’t let this be the same Jared. I felt sick to the point I couldn’t breath and daren’t speak.

“Lexy,” Shanon said, sounding panicked as well. “What’s going on. You look like you’ve seen a ghost you’re so pale.”

I forced myself to breathe. “I’m OK. Just drive me to the office Shan.” He placed the palm of his hand around my neck, drawing me close to him. “I’ll drive, but promise me we’ll talk about what’s bothering you.” The warmth of his breath on my lips made me ache for the closeness we’d just shared.

He started the engine and pulled away, buzzing open the gates to the outside world. I sat there praying for the traffic to ease. I sat lost in thought, wondering how best to ask the burning question.

I shifted my eyes, gazing at his profile, trying to notice any similarities with Jared. Shannon had never really opened up about his life, as if he wanted to keep me sheltered from whatever it was that bothered him. But the tattoos. Surely it was too much of a coincidence ....

“So tell me about your brother ....” There, the question was out before I could snatch it back.

“What do you want to know?”

I slowed my breathing, almost not wanting to hear whatever Shannon was about to tell me. “I don’t know. Just tell me something about him because at the moment, all I know is his name....” And that was the one bit of information I really wished I didn’t know.

“We’re really close Lexy. I mean that. He’s my best friend as well as my little bro. Our mum was really young when she had us and life wasn’t easy for us all back then.” He paused, glancing at me while signalling to pull out into a lane of traffic. “I know I haven’t told you much about my life but it’s because I want to protect you. Jared lives his life in the media spotlight ... I just prefer to have my own space.”

I gazed out at the cars in front as he told me about their band 30 Seconds to Mars, the endless touring, the girls, the paparazzi, the failed relationships. “Jared takes it mostly in his stride,” he said before braking sharply as a car pulled out suddenly. “I find it a little more difficult to deal with ... which is why,” he looked over at me, “... it’s why I didn’t want you to have to put up with any of the shit that comes hand in hand with this lifestyle.”

“So how does Jared cope?” I asked, suddenly wanting to know more about both of them, as Shannon opened up on their lives.

“Jared is Jared. He just controls every aspect of his life. You’ll never win an argument, so it’s best not to try. He’s driven, ambitious and used to getting his own way. That must sound really bad but honestly he’s also the sweetest human being. You’ll love him Lexy.”

Shannon pulled the car over outside my office. “Does that answer your question?” He smiled, kissing me softly on the lips. “Now, go and sort out that client of yours before he kicks your bad little ass!”

If anyone wants to be added to the tag list, feel free to message me!

@nikkitasevoli @letojokerownsme @letsbeautifuldisaster @llfd1977 @beautorigin @wolfgirl624 @i-writeandread @shannonlxto @darlingdiary87

#shannon leto #in too deep #30stm #jared leto #jared leto fan fic #30stm fanfiction #shannon leto 30stm #shannon leto fanfiction #jared leto 30stm #shannon leto fan fic #black fuel

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spillinginkwithlove · 7 years

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I cannot find the master list to your work. I just started reading save me and it's so interesting but it's too tedious to scroll all the way down 😔 Btw great work! 💯🌈

💁🏻 Hello @shrutsbruts!!!!

First, THANK YOU for giving Save Me a chance!! I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you..life has been really chaotic for me!!

I totally understand what a hassle it is to try to search through the archives. I hope I can make it easier!!

Here’s the Master List to Part 1 of Save Me.

http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/148223836885/save-me-part-one

Part 2 is still ongoing so I only have individual links to the 51 chapters I’ve posted so far…

Chapter 1http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/148331926220/save-me-part-2-chapter-1Chapter 2http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/148454717895/save-me-part-2Chapter 3http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/148568774065/save-me-part-2Chapter 4http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/148942496180/save-me-part-2Chapter 5http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/149110309605/save-me-part-2Chapter 6http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/149155361075/save-me-part-2-chapter-6Chapter 7http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/149565132865/save-me-part-2-chapter-7Chapter 8http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/150015826475/save-me-part-2-chapter-8Chapter 9http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/150136013165/save-me-part-2-chapter-9Chapter 10http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/150329162420/save-me-part-2-chapter-10Chapter 11http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/150548226710/save-me-part-2-chapter-11Chapter 12http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/151387870760/save-me-part-2-chapter-12Chapter 13http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/151455771240/save-me-part-2-chapter-13Chapter 14http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/151520212955/save-me-part-2-chapter-14Chapter 15http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/151824775225/save-me-part-2-chapter-15Chapter 16http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/152005104610/save-me-part-2-chapter-16Chapter 17http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/152279904990/save-me-part-2-chapter-17Chapter 18http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/152582688440/save-me-part-2-chapter-18Chapter 19http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/152785237905/save-me-part-2-chapter-19Chapter 20http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/152918941735/save-me-part-2-chapter-20Chapter 21http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/153022056760/save-me-part-2-chapter-21Chapter 22http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/153112039110/save-me-part-2-chapter-22Chapter 23http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/153287810545/save-me-part-2-chapter-23Chapter 24http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/153393393010/save-me-part-2-chapter-24Chapter 25http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/153503860620/save-me-part-2-chapter-25Chapter 26http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/153585801360/save-me-part-2-chapter-26Chapter 27http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/153809378190/save-me-part-2-chapter-27Chapter 28http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/154000267535/save-me-part-2-chapter-28Chapter 29http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/154234674985/save-me-part-2-chapter-29Chapter 30http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/154430992980/save-me-part-2-chapter-30Chapter 31http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/154643171965/save-me-part-2-chapter-31Chapter 32http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/155031874300/save-me-part-2-chapter-32Chapter 33http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/155330028730/save-me-part-2-chapter-33Chapter 34http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/155685637630/save-me-part-2-chapter-34Chapter 35http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/155905167655/save-me-part-2-chapter-35Chapter 36http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/156382668360/save-me-part-2-chapter-36Chapter 37http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/156690554300/save-me-part-2-chapter-37Chapter 38http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/156810030595/save-me-part-2-chapter-38Chapter 39http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/156955724500/save-me-part-2-chapter-39Chapter 40http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/157178932205/save-me-part-2-chapter-40Chapter 41http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/157554672650/save-me-part-2-chapter-41Chapter 42http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/158048746210/save-me-part-2-chapter-42Chapter 43https://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/158248007350/save-me-part-2-chapter-43Chapter 44https://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/158916138090/save-me-part-2-chapter-44Chapter 45https://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/159512844365/save-me-part-2-chapter-45Chapter 46https://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/159848883870/save-me-part-2-chapter-46Chapter 47https://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/160427488210/save-me-part-2-chapter-47Chapter 48https://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/160573884795/save-me-part-2-chapter-48Chapter 49https://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/160792695515/save-me-part-2-chapter-49Chapter 50https://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/161049053270/save-me-part-2-chapter-50Chapter 51https://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/161117757220/save-me-part-2-chapter-51

I’ve also written a few other things, I hope you check them out too!!

‘Fallen’ is a Jared Leto One Shot..

http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/142656680145/fallen

'The Fantasy’ is a bi-Leto One Shot if you’re into something like that…

http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/150823148120/the-fantasy

And 'You Had Me At Hello’ is a 3 part Shannon Leto Short Story..

http://spillinginkwithlove.tumblr.com/post/148757146775/you-had-me-at-hello-a-shannon-leto-short

💗 I’d love to hear your thoughts so if you have time, please let me know what you think!!

Happy Reading, love!!

#save me #jared leto #jared leto fanfiction #jared leto fan fic #thirty seconds to mars #shannon leto fanfiction #shannon leto fan fic #shannon leto

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thegreatlarryfisherman · 7 years

Text

Can I Be Him | Prologue

Dedicated to @jletolove4eva. It’s been a minute since I’ve written something length, but I wanted to make this one good. Summary: Jared and Shannon Leto have been your best friends since before you could talk. After 10 years of pining, they’ve finally decided to confess their feelings for you... at the same damn time. However, this is no grand gesture of flowers and roses. This is a proposition of complete and total pleasure. Will you submit? Word Count: 1341 Chapter Warnings: A little language, smutless, mentions of threesomes, etc. Tagging: @auntiemama1, @anxiouslyyoursdidi, @babiiface16, @jletolove4eva, @thefirethatfreezesme, @miss-shannanigans, @but-it-turns-out-fine, @nikkitasevoli, @gottalovetheletos, @maliciousalishious (Tell me what you lovely ones think because I’m gonna try to write this out as long as it’ll go.)

“What’s with the suits?” I chuckled as I sipped the coffee Shannon had just brought me and he smiled a bit as he sat down and slumped back in his chair a bit. Shannon Leto always had a relaxed demeanor which always felt comforting while his younger brother Jared was sitting with his fingers clasped across from me, like a parent preparing to issue a lecture to his unruly child. I was no stranger to stern talking tos from Jared, we’d been friends since he was in diapers, considering I was the ‘in between’ of the two boys. Growing up, it was Shannon, myself and Jared. Shannon was the protector, Jared the motivator, and I the facilitator. The responsible one, the play it safe one. That was me.

“So Shannon and I have been having a talk.” Jared’s eyes pierced mine as he watched me take a long sip. This was a typical introduction to a conversation about a plan from Jared whether it was about an album, a project, or that time he revealed to me that the band they were in was facing a major debt crisis and he wanted my help.

I moaned at the taste but caught the way Shannon’s eyes drifted shut at the sound. He was always doing that, like the sound of my excitement for my coffee was music to his ears and a vibration to his pants. “I think we’re both in love with you.” Jared snapped me out of my thoughts.

My mouth quipped up in a smirk. Oh Jared, always the jester. “Really? All the women in Hollywood and at all these shows, and you’re both gonna fight over little ole’ me.”

“Were fighting over you.” Shannon pointed out, his voice going gruff for a bit before he crossed his arms. “But then we decided.”

“Decided what?” I frowned as I took another sip.

“That we’ll let you decide which one of us gets to have you.”

I took a hard swallow of my coffee, not caring that the scolding heat of the liquid was burning the back of my throat. I had known the Leto Brothers for years, and it wasn’t until recently that my mind had become stupidly attached to how insanely attractive both of them were. I had never been attracted to a set of brothers in my life. Hell, I had to change the channel and remind myself that the men who played the Winchester brothers weren’t actually related because of the guilt I felt lusting after them.

“We want to both… pleasure you, persay. Make all of your wildest fantasies come true. And at the end of it, you choose which one made you feel the best… And if you choose neither… well…”

“At least you had a fun fucking weekend.” Shannon shrugged almost noncommittally.

The coffee nearly exploded from my lips as my head began shaking in protest before I could even form proper thoughts. “What’s in it for you?”

“Pleasure.” Shannon replied.

“Unbelievable pleasure.” Jared’s eyes trailed down my body before meeting mine once more. “The woman of my dreams, his dreams, writhing in our arms, coming over our fingertips…. Who would deny themselves such a wonder? We know you want this.”

I bit my lip and crossed my legs, feeling a pool of want gush out of me. How could words turn me on so deep? He was right. I had silently been wanting them but I didn’t know they knew.

“What if I can’t choose?” I asked, my voice powering down to a whisper as I stared from blue eyes to nearly gray ones, both meeting mine with lust and unbridled determination.

Shannon sighed, before he uncrossed his arms and took a sip of my coffee. The normal sentiment slipped out of my mental grasp as he took a long gulp, letting the silence in the air hang.

“Then we’ll try the uh… polyamory thing you’re always so jazzed about.” He finally said, waving the thought off with his hand.

“But you’re related.”

“You’re not.” Jared leaned back. “it’ll be like joint custody.”

“As long as you shower in between.” Shannon joked.

“And no trying to get us to kiss each other or make our dicks touch.” Jared added in and Shannon nodded. I frowned at the brothers, obviously completely mind blown that these two grown men had already planned out this “pitch” for lack of better wording.

“So…” I took my cup back from Shannon, gripping it tightly in my hands. “Why the suits?” I fought to sound neutral and casual but Jared watched my every move with feral blue eyes as if he could read right through me.

“Oh yeah. We figured it’d help you pick.”

“Pick what?”

“Who gets to train you to submit.” Shannon shrugged a shoulder before his eyes dragged across the surroundings before they landed on me.

“I don’t—“ Do this. Want to be considered a slut. Usually lust after brothers. Want to ruin everything I’ve ever had between these two. Want to pass up this opportunity. Thoughts all raced through my head and paused on the last one. “Know what to say…”

“Say you will. No one has to know. We get that it’s taboo. God knows girls in the Echelon would dream of this chance.” Jared sat back in his chair with a chuckle. “But, we want you.” His eyes narrowed. “And you can say stop, nevermind, forget it at anytime but… Give us a chance (Y/N).” He said firmly and I chewed my lip.

“Shannon.”

“Yeah?” Shannon alerted himself back into the conversation as if he’d been in a daze.

“I want you to…” I bit my lip. “What you said.”

“Train you.”

“First.”

“First?”

“Then maybe I try it out with Jared? And then pick which one I want.. to… continue to train me?”

“Like a business transaction. She wants to try her options out. My girl.” Jared’s serious expression faded and he smiled at me. The smile was almost as dirty as the conversation as he sipped his drink. “Well, nothing’s off limits for you. You want dates. Fancy things. Someone to come make you breakfast.”

“Coffee.” Shannon agreed.

“The full girlfriend experience. We’ve been considering this for some time. We don’t want to fightover you. God knows we have been since we accidentally saw you naked at sixteen.”

I laughed remembering the poor youngest of us three, blue eyed with wonder when I screamed bloody murder in their shower which brought Shannon racing into the bathroom. Both men had stared in awe until their mother Constance had rushed in and berated me for forgetting to lock the shower door. She had laughed it off later, saying she hadn’t had the slightest clue how to discipline such a funny occurrence, but at the time I was grounded from coming over for a week.

They’d been fighting over me for ten years? The thought in itself was insane. I’d seen the women who were attracted to Jared and Shannon. God. I’ve never felt so lucky.

“We just want to please you.” Shannon shrugged. “Figured this was the only way.”

“Well. Thank you for that.” I said with a sarcastic undertone but winked for good measure. I didn’t want to take time to think it over because I knew I would somehow manage to change my own mind. This opportunity was a once in a lifetime thing and I trusted these men. My best friends. My confidants. Hell, they knew more about my sexual side than I did for the most part. I’d come to them for advice in the past, and they were always comforting, open and non-judgmental. They would never hurt me.

Maybe it’d be fun. Hell, I could even come out of it with a boyfriend.

“When do we start?” I finally broke the silence and Jared grinned boyishly.

“Up to you, baby girl.” Shannon took my hand in his and my whole body flushed at the pet name I’d never heard him say. “We’re down for whenever.”

Chapter One Coming Soon...

#SF #full fic #Shannon Leto Fic #Jared Leto Fic #Thirty Seconds To Mars fan fiction #oops #Can I be Him series

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i-writeandread-blog · 5 years

Text

A Portrait of a Tortured You and I - Chapter 3

I had the bungalow to myself, but that's only because the VIP didn't sell out, otherwise, I'd have had a roommate. I took advantage of the private bathroom and cleaned up properly. I was distressed by my upgrade. Not because I wasn't happy to experience it, but because I didn't need it nor want it. Sure, I loved the band and I was a bit of a Jared girl. But after fawning over him for the first five or so years, I became more realistic and began just to solely appreciate what Mars was all about; community, art, music, friendship, fun, connection. The eye candy aspect was there always, but wasn't anything more than just a nice thing to look at. I had been blessed through the years to have done numerous meet & greets, and was even around during the Artifact days getting the opportunity to go to the screening. Heck, I was even at the Hive the night of the bomb threat. This was probably why I was always broke. I spent all my money on Mars.

So these things afforded me opportunities to meet the band numerous times. I just couldn't justify spending over $10,000 dollars to have even more access to Jared. I could spend that money on four camp mars trips, rather than just one. Not that I had access to that amount of cash in one sitting ever. But, the point was someone spent it on me... and I didn't deserve it. It should have been someone who never had the opportunities that I have had.

I got dressed and made my way out the door just in time for the vip welcome wagon to come around so they could let us know what was in store for us. There was a total of 17 of us. I was surprised that many people had shelled out the money to do this. I knew only three of them. I wasn't surprised by them, they always did the most expensive packages. I had no idea what they did for a living, but I wondered what it was.

We were escorted down to the stage area, where they had roped off a small area right at the stage for us. Since everything was outdoors and in an open area, anyone on the island already would be able to see the soundcheck, but they had sectioned off a perimeter of about 60 feet around the stage so no one could get too close to the action. It all seemed so strange to me. Paying so much when at 61 feet away you can see the exact same thing, but to each their own. I guess.

I shouldn’t have been letting it nag at me the fact that someone did this, but I should explain why it bothered me in more depth. I had been an Echelon almost since the inception of the band. I went to events, met so many interesting people, became friends with some. The usual stuff, I did some light street teaming, but I was always sort of in the shadows. I have a very outgoing personality, but for some reason I stayed pretty much to myself. I knew the familiar faces. Waved and nodded. Spoke to a few here and there. But Mars was very personal to me. I was drawn to them for reasons I couldn’t begin to explain to an outsider. For me, when Jared says, “it’s only for those who understand,” I have to say that is a million percent true. I’m sure every Echelon feels the same way and we all have our private reasons (or public) for why we needed them in our lives. But because I stayed to myself, I always felt like I knew everyone, but no one knew me. Even on social media... I knew of people, but I didn’t engage with them. For every outspoken “fan” like Natalie, there were probably 5 of me. It didn’t make sense. I wasn’t a part of that outspoken and well known clique.

Then another thing was the idea that I was being pitied. I knew I was a victim. I was a weak person. I didn’t want others to know it. No matter how strong I tried to be, I just wasn’t. I was disappointed that I would have to pass on Croatia, but I was certainly not wanting any charity. Yet, I received it anyway. From a total stranger, who I assume knows nothing about me.

The last reason, and Shayla picked up on it right away was the tiny bit of fear that I was being lured here, only to be hurt... whether it be emotionally or physically. I never didn’t feel safe around Mars, but I think it was a combination of the attack on me and then the way Natalie had treated me online -when I told everyone what happened- that made me no longer feel at “home.”

And yet here I am, feeling like I have to enjoy the package for all it is and get this persons money’s worth and that felt crippling. I felt like I was being forced to vacation, if that even makes sense. And don’t get me wrong, I do want to have fun, let my hair down and let loose. It was my favorite band. The only band I truly ever listened to and was so loyal to. I loved them. Everything about them. Nothing about Mars had changed. It was me. I was different. I didn’t know how to reconcile with that. I wanted my old self back and I didn’t think it would ever be possible. I was angry.

What those boys took from me (and unjustly so, as I hadn’t been the one to refuse them service) was my identity. The only thing in this world that belonged to no one else. I was mad at them. I was mad at myself, for letting them win. If they saw me on the street they probably wouldn’t even know who I am. Would I recognize them?

I was snatched out of my daydream to the sounds of cheers. I looked up and both Shannon and Jared had walked onto the stage. Shannon waved at us with a drumstick in his hand and sat down at his set. Jared walked over to us. I was on the end furthest from him. He leaned down to shake everyone’s hand, having mini conversations as he went down the line. When he reached me, he took my hand in his and said, “long time no see kitty cat.” I responded with, “who’s fault is that?” Then he jumped down and hugged me. The embrace caused a gasp from a few around he and I.

I was used to Jared doing things like that. Like I said before, I’ve been around awhile. But never has he ever been so affectionate. Not to me at least. I was honestly surprised he even remembered my name. Of course, he was the one who came up with kitty cat. It happened a few years back. I was at a meet and greet. I think it was a show in Atlanta, and when I walked up, instead of the usual procedure where you say a quick hello and take an equally quick picture, then walk away... he said to me: “I think it’s high time we were properly introduced. In all these years, I’ve never caught your name. I wonder why that is. Anyway, I’m Jared.” He extended his hand to me. I shook it, swooning the whole time and responded with, “uhhh cat umm Catherine.” He laughed at my stutter and said, “cat, like kitty cat? Cute. I’ll see ya around.” Then I walked off. I “met” him at a few meet and greets after that, but he hasn’t referred to my name or nickname since. Until today.

He was always so charming on stage whether it was an actual show or a soundcheck and today was no different. He sang little bits from various songs, only singing full versions of a couple. In between each one he’d make a joke or two. He danced around, shook his butt, grabbed one of the girls and brought her up to sing a few lines of hurricane. He joked about how we could do the concert better than him. And then it was over. We were told that dinner would be served in about an hour and sent on our merry way.

At the last camps we served ourselves in a buffet line. I believed that was what we would be doing here as well. Usually everyone comes, grabs their food, tries to find a spot to eat, does that quickly and moves on. It’s not something to write home about. I think majority of us don’t even look forward to the food (it is delicious) because our minds are on having fun. So breakfast, lunch, and dinner are more about sustenance rather than a milestone event. I had a mini bar style fridge in my bungalow already stocked with snacks and was just going to grab something out of there. I didn’t want to be social just yet, and I was sort of still jet lagged from flying in a few days ago.

I laid down on a much softer bed than I had expected and brought up the notepad on my iPad. I felt like writing. I wasn’t sure about what just yet, but I felt like I could breakthrough my writers block and start something. After about 45 minutes and two chapters, I heard people milling around outside. I grabbed some chips out of the fridge and a can of coke. I didn’t want to stop since I was actually on a roll, but I didn’t want to not eat something as it had been hours since my early breakfast this morning.

I was mid way through a paragraph and had a chip dangling in between my lips when I looked up and saw someone standing there. I jumped. The bag and it’s contents flying everywhere. The look of pure terror written all over my body.

“I’m so sorry, Miss. I knocked several times.”

“It’s okay, I think. Umm can I help you?” I was ready to scream if need be.

“Your presence is required at dinner. And don’t worry about cleaning that up. Your butler will do that.”

“Butler?” I said quizzically.

“Yes, Miss. Each bungalow has a private butler. They’ll restock the refrigerator if needed and clean up. They’ll be bringing you fresh towels daily, and should you need anything they can help out. I’ll walk you to dinner.” I shook my head. “That’s okay, I think I know where to go.”

“No, it’s in a secluded area. Come, follow me.” She started walking fast and I struggled to keep up. She apologized and flagged down a golf cart. We hopped on and were whisked away and past the main pavilion where the diners were eating. It looked like the last ferry had arrived, but I wasn’t sure. We arrived at an area that looked very much off limits for the regular guests and she pointed to three tables down by the water. At each table were the other vip guests. “Here ya go, and please check your itinerary next time. Everyone is waiting for you.”

I walked down and heard light huffs and puffs as I got closer. Someone said, “you’re late and we are starving.” Jared stood up and said, “that’s not necessary. She’s here now and the food is still warm and tasty.” I looked around for a place to sit. The tables were arranged so that the table Jared was at was facing all of us. I noticed that each table setting had a name plate. I couldn’t see mine.

Jared laughed and pointed to a chair next to his. I shook my head no. He walked over and ushered me to it anyway. Whispering in my ear, “this is your seat.” Motioning to my name. I was sitting in between him and Emma. Shayla was on his other side.

“I don’t understand. The rest of the group is at the other tables. I’m not crew.” Jared waved his hands to stop me. “I didn’t make up the seating chart, that’s Emma’s purview. But I know enough to just follow what she says. A mad Emma is a force to be reckoned with.” He laughed. I looked out and everyone was glaring at me. “I really should go sit at one of the other tables. But before I do, I have to know... Jared did you arrange my trip here?”

He looked at me very puzzled and said, “what are you talking about?” Shayla looked at me dead in the eyes and shook her head no.

@msroxyblog

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