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black-rose-writings · 2 years ago

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Watching Shadow and Bone Season 2: Episode 1 - I am losing braincells fast

Okay, I finally have time. Let's do this.

Firstly, sorry if I miss some visual details, I am watching it on a very legal site that unfortunately has something of a potato quality.

S1 Intros looked better.

Alina is looking around in her pretty little dream sequence like "My Saints, life is so emo right now."

Sasha, my beloved.

Wasting sickness my ass.

And there is Mal, assuring her that Sasha is dead.

Where did Alina get her new fancy dress, if they've been on a ship since the end of S1? And her hair grew a lot for it being just two weeks... sorry, nit picks, but like... her hair was not that long and it doesn't grow all that much in two weeks.

Oh, look, Ketterdam. Surely, Alina will not face any danger of being kidnapped and sold into slavery, despite there being a million kruge bounty on her head last season.

So, what exactly do they think they'll find in Kerch. At least when they were running in the books, they just wanted to get to the frontier to disappear there. But like, you two don't have shit to your name... ah, I'm barely like 2 minutes in and I'm already rambling.

Oh, look, Kaz arranged them fake passports... somehow. While they were all on a ship.

*stop thinking about the details, stop thinking about the details, or you'll drive yourself crazy*

So, when exactly did she decide to go after the Sea Whip? Why does she believe it's real? Fuck, I'm doing it again.

Ah, yes, let's talk about our plans and identities openly in public where anyone can hear us.

Also, love how this is 100% the opposite of book Mal. Kinda unironially. Book!Mal can go die in a ditch.

So, we're sticking to the stange season 1 plot of Alina being some kind of a clairvoyant, huh?

Or, wait, are they in Novyi Zem? I guess they are. Okay, nevermind my first few points, I am an idiot.

I know season 1 did weird time jumps, too, but this is going to be very jarring.

Oh, look, Inej still not scared one bit of Haleen.

And... that's what happens when you leave town for months on a whim. You dunce.

Oh, look, Kaz's backstory.

Not sure how I feel about this weird twist, but sure, let's see where this goes.

I'm sorry, who did they even kill? WTF is that?

I mean, I know Ketterdam kinda sucks, but that went down way too quickly.

And Kaz trying not to lose his shit because he's surrounded by people. Well, at least that's book accurate.

Love how the guy next to Jesper is staring at him like "bro, who you talking to".

Okay, what the fuck is happening.

Oh, look at that, we are not completely ignoring that Kaz and co. got hired to kidnap and sell Alina. Well, her side of the story will, but hey, at least it's not completely glossed over like the fucking maps.

Okay, excuse, what the actual fuck is this? What in the name of hell is Nikolai doing. I am confused and not in a good way. I feel like we're missing... a lot of context. Like, a lot.

Okay, so let me get this straight... the way that they get around the "Crows planned to sell Alina into slavery" plot line is... by retconning it so that Nikolai was behind it all along. For some Saints-forsaken reason. Well, Alina is still dumb as bricks, but okay I guess.

Fjerda made ship-art. Of Darklina. For their bounty poster. (Or is this part of the whole retarded "Aleksander is working with the Fjerdans for some reason" plotline.

My question is where they got the visual reference from since everyone except for Crows and Alina-and-co. got murdered.

Kaz, mentally: Jesper, you idiot.

Wow, look at that. Room like for a queen. Wonder where they got the money from. Definitelly an upgrade from the bed-bug infested group room of the book.

At least take your fucking shoes off you barbarian!

Mal is down for travelling the world. Wow, they really pulled a full 180 on this bitch, huh?

Ew. Just ew.

Thank the Saints for cockblocking fishermen. I will vomit if they go any further.

Kaz, screaming internally: Shut the fuck up Jesper.

Oh, look, we still doing the whole "paying with jewelry got her tracked down" thing. Just, slightly less retarded.

Hold up, are we saying Jesper and Kaz are having the conversation now. Like, come on, they've worked with each other for a long time, there's no way this didn't come up before.

That is way more than 20 seconds, just saying.

Oh, look, another Alina dream sequence.

Okay, so is that like a Tether thing or is she just having prophetic dreams? If it's the Tether, how does Sasha already know what Mal is, they spoke like 2 times. If it's prophetic dreams... why though?

Language barrier? What language barrier?

Ravkan Grisha? Of all places? Is she talking about the pogroms that happened after the Fold expanded? Cause if I understand the timeline correctly, there's no way the news have spread that far, yet.

I mean, even in Novyi Zem, Grisha are not safe, in the books. There might not be society-wide prejudice, but there's also not any protection from, you know, slavers and shit (or at least not enough). Ravkan Grisha might be soldiers, but that's not exactly an uncommon profession in this world.

(calm down. You can rant later)

Please tell me this interaction isn't the reason Alina is going to go "All lives matter" on her Grisha status.

Also, how come the maps are marked in Ravkan? Again, language barrier is not a thing here.

Alina being the most suspicious thief ever.

Also, ehm, what the actual fuck is that map doing?

Wow, look at Alina, definitelly not attracting any attention with her summoning.

Why are these two talking about it... in the library of all places?

Also, I'm pretty sure public libraries with all this quantity of information available to just anyone were not a thing until the early 20th century, which the Grishaverse is most certainly not.

Dear god, this is so dumb.

Who drew that shit that it's so accurate that the people actually recognize her by it? At least when she had the physical collar in the books it made sense why everyone recognized her.

Mal being no less suspicious about asking about this shit.

For some reason, there's First Army here. Is that Bohdan from season 1? Why the fuck is he of all people in Novyi Zem?

I know the plot needs to move forwar, but this is a bit too many coincidences for my taste.

Mal's doing parkour, because we've gone 20 minutes without an action scene and if nothing happens for too long, people will start to question our dumb-fuck narrative choices.

Also, the question stands. Where the fuck did Mal and Alina get their money.

Not that I am a big fan of the King's army, but like... just shoot him. He's gonna hang for desertion, anyway. You had a gun to his head, already.

And look, how much of a badass Mal is, taking down a handful of soldiers of equal training without much trouble.

Really... you're trying to stay hidden and you've just found out there's a massive bounty on your head and you... summon in a square full of people.

I don't know why I'm bothering to use my brain anymore.

Random Zemeni people decide to protect her because... she's a Saint? I guess?

Zemeni people believe in the Saints, I guess.

Okay... let's see if they can at least write a convincing sibling dynamic when they don't intend for those two characters to fuck.

Tamar sounding far too 21st century and that's not how people talk, in general. (I say as if I talk to people).

As much as I love the bounty posters, I do have to say, I don't get how they have such a good drawing on them so quickly.

Why is Inej stealing random people's knives?

They killed Haleen. Off screen.

I mean, I guess that's one way to avoid Inej's absolutely amazing, very important and already ruined by last season revenge moment. However...

I am not saying this just because they changed the story and I know they needed to include them again, since they did last season, but like... I don't trust these writers to do these characters an ounce of justice. Or make up an alternative story that makes even a little bit of sense.

And there's still 20 minutes of an episode left. FML.

Okay, hot take, I liked book!Pekka more. This one is far too much of a cartoon villain and not in a fun way. Kaz was the one for whom it was personal. Pekka was just doing business. So, either Pekka is being pupeteered by someone else (which would make the level of too complex and dumb to work conspiracy way too high. Like, it already is, but this would be over 9000) or they really made Pekka into a cartoon villain who would hunt down one guy for a single (fake) million kruge job.

And just like that, everyone in the room went deaf.

Oh, look, Wylan. He's baby.

Inej somehow got caught sneaking in the shadows. Book!Inej would be disappointed.

Ah, yes, asking a random stranger to help break your boyfriend out of the most secure and shitty prison in all of Kerch, like, right now, something which took a lot of planning and a lot of work in the book.

(stop comparing it to the book, we know it was better, you'll drive yourself crazy)

I think telling them you're innocent when you're being dragged into the cell is... a little pointless?

I am still asking the money question.

And that's Sturmhond's ship, isn't it?

Ew 2.

Dear god, they're still using the fucking pins. They didn't have to. They could have completely avoided it. They didn't have to do it. I feel personally attacked by the inclusion of the pins.

How does Alina not realize the boat people are after her, too, right now, is beyond me. Like... my dude, my lass, nobody is going to put their life on the line for one shitty pin.

Are we getting Sasha. Please tell me we're getting Sasha being the best leader and the best character, please, I need a little bit of common sense before I lose my shit.

So... the first army is doing the sham trials of Grisha. And Aleksander is going to save them. And he's still the villain and not the monarchy. Okay. Sure.

Is that Genya?

Tell me, if this is what happens, how in the hell is she going to join Alina, who is supporting the King.

Please, tell me the show is gonna go for a "Fuck the monarchy" twist.

The First army is laughing as they're preparing to murder a bunch of innocent people. I think it's only fair that I cheer on once Sasha and the Nichevoya tear them to bits.

It's Sasha to the rescue!!!!! Hell yeah.

Now that is a hero's entrance. Moi Soverennyi!

Ah, yes, time to catch up.

Oh, look, Alina being a dumb bitch finally but her in the ass.

Well, not really, we know it's Nikolai, but Saints I wish it did.

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix #shadown and bone season 2 #review #grishaverse #long post #took me 2 and a half hours to get through a 1 hour episode because it's so bad

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