#sexcells

[longbobmckenzie]

Lucas and Henrik make porn. They're also in love.

Chapter 3: Outdoor Sex

or start from the beginning

we're back, bitches!! I was unable to finish this porny little fic during kinktober last year (thanks to Roberto derailing my plans, dammit S6!) so I put it on hiatus until this year. this time, it will be finished! if you read the first two chapters last year, thank you so much and I hope you'll enjoy the continuation! if you didn't or you're new here, I'd love for you to check it out (if m/m porn/smut is your thing, lol)!

[didesi]

[ithidunes]

More! Pen! Madness! Yippie🎉

[professionalpuckbunny]

I always thought Jamie Benn was the spreadsheet captain because I'm sure it's not that hard to have sex with multiple women in a short amount of time if you won't go down on them... Makes sex faster for him at least. If he won't even go down on a woman, he probably doesn't care if she cums (and only cares if he does).

Yea, I just can’t picture that many women wanting to bang him and being willing to do that. But again, I know what Dallas girls are like.

[tf2heritageposts]

we’re at 21 dollars a month with the current amount of pledges we have

*insert spy sexcellent soundbite*

[hidingoutbackstage]

Okay so Tucker and Kaikaina in Shisno Paradox. Idk how long this is gonn be but it’s gonna go below a cut jic (and so I don’t spoil anything for June lol)

I think the easiest thing they could’ve done to make this dynamic better is just have them reciprocate each others lust from the beginning. Is it funny that Tucker gets rejected by Kai when she proposes time travel sex bc he thinks she’s talking about him? Is it funny that he fucks up her attempts to have sex with people from the past? Is it funny that he has been bragging about having done her back in Blood Gulch and that’s not actually the case (despite the fact that Kai literally says that they did during the s13 climax)? I guess? But you know what else is funny? Tucker and Kai actually going back in time and having sex with people from history. Like I feel like that has just as much, if not more comedic potential than the two of them just being annoyed with each other. I know this is the “everyone is arguing with each other because fuck friendships for some reason” arc but like it didn’t have to be.

Personally I was laughing when Kai and Tucker were talking about using the time travel gun for sex, like that was funny! The episode was literally TITLED “Sis and Tuck’s Sexcellent Adventure” and then they just drop that in favor of these two arguing. Like come on that’s not as funny at all.

They didn’t have to have reciprocated feelings (as much as I personally like them as a ship), there’s nothing wrong with characters having physical attraction to each other and acting on it. Hell up until now it was implied that they did actually have sex. I suppose the idea that they didn’t is kind of a funny subversion of expectation but the direction they go with it isn’t rlly entertaining, at least for me.

And if the intent was to get to the angsty Kai backstory, you could’ve still gotten there! Maybe she and Tucker try to do the time travel sex, but she gets tired/worn out before Tucker does and he doesn’t listen to her when she suggests they take a break from time traveling for a bit, dragging her along to the time periods HE wants to go to without considering her feelings. Still kinda sucks as Tucker characterization bc he should realistically be better than that, but it’s better than what the hell we got that’s for sure.

Anyway she could still blow up at him for being selfish and then they might argue and then later on they can have the heart to heart where she talks about her childhood and being promiscuous due to her insecurity about her own self image, and instead of saying “Tucker what you said reminded me of my trauma” it’s more of a reflection, kind of “Hey as my friend I want to let you know why I’m like this in the first place and why I was so insecure/nervous about saying no to going along with your adventure” and Tucker could still apologize and all that.

Then maybe a confession of feelings from Tucker so he gets a moment of vulnerability too, and like I said as much as I ship them I do kinda like Kai’s “I used to have feelings for you too” cuz ik this season didn’t actually care about these two as a ship, and Tucker demonstrates maturity by showing he’s okay with her rejection.

Although if they DID wanna make them a ship, there’s not a ton that actually has to change in the script for that to happen. (in my version not the version of SP we canonically got) They already get along like friends, they had sex before, and when they had an argument from Tucker being a bad friend, they worked through it. All you’d rlly need is for Kai to eventually come to the conclusion that she rlly likes Tucker, and that at some point, it stops being just as friends and she really wants him, and seeing as Tucker already has feelings for her but cares about her enough to not act on them, there might be some hesitation there but I think they’d make a rlly good pairing after that. Their sense of humor is already similar, they already get along, and they’re just so cute together ugh I’m getting distracted anyway it would make the moment everyone gets thanos snapped to repeat their timelines till infinity where he says “K I need to tell you-” all the more emotional, at least to me, bc that moment lives rent free in my brain anyway I just wanted better writing for these two is that too much to ask

[copias-juicebox]

A little bird told me you needed more Sexondo…Sexcunto…erm…Secondo(!) on your dash 😈

Mr. Worldwide ✨Rich Daddy✨

He probably owns the most expensive buttplugs

SEXCEL-*clears throat*EXCELLENCT!!

We all need a bit more mr. 305 69 on our dash

[arassea]

Nem anon hornyposting, hanem sEXCEL posting!

EXCELlent jokes

[longbobmckenzie]

Lucas and Henrik make porn. They're also in love.

Chapter 5: Orgasm Delay, pt. 2

or start from the beginning

[closingtime1973]

Shoutout to that one steven universe ytp I watched years ago in like middle school where Pearl says “yes sexcellent” because the phrase has been ingrained in my mind and its all I think of when I have to type out excellent

But like I cant even reference it as a funny because no one knows wtf Im referencing. Do you understand

[crossnamara]

i want to write a billted fic not because i especially ship it or anything but jsut because i want to call it bill and teds excellent adventure. and if its smut, call that bill and teds sexcellent adventure

[yeetlegay]

For your fandom reputation I can only think of that one anon who once called you "your sexcellency" truer words never spoken

YOUR SEXCELLENCY oh my god I almost forgot about that 😭 couldn't be happier with that as my identifier honestly, I should make that my email signature fr

[brawlcloud]

sexcels seething over how little it takes to make a DIYchad happy

[rockpapertheodore]

God I am playing with gender like Lego and it makes me feel so cool and sexy and I wish I could show you these excellent sexy photographs (sexcellent? 👀) I have taken of myself because wow I am so cool and hot

[boobexplosion]

Pizza Tower's characterization and gameplay is the best representation of a manic episode/mania I've ever seen. Sexcellent!!!!

[a-life-in-film-by-wc]

Y tu Mamá También (2002)

There was a fair bit of pent up adolescent sexual energy here. Now, let’s talk about the film. There is a chance that I went to see this as part of the tangled triangle mentioned in the last review but that might be giving it too much credit. The plot certainly seemed loosely familiar at the time but I don’t think we were quite prepared to resolve our situation in the way they do at the end of this film.

I would think of this film again when, a few years later, I travelled around Mexico with another good friend. However, we were fortunate enough to have wildly different tastes in women and they were fortunate enough that I was rather useless in any case.

This was only my third big screen foreign language film; is that good or bad? I don’t know, but over 20 years on, I still feel like I should get a special prize every time. Seamlessly transitioning to English language films, the director Alfonso Cuarón has some real range in his repertoire; Children of Men, Gravity and even a Harry Potter movie. This excellent, sexy (sexcellent?) coming-of-age road-movie clearly made the right studio people sit up and listen, or not want to stand up too quickly, or something along those lines. On a completely unrelated note, Maribel Verdú is excellent in this film and has gone on to Hollywood blockbusters like The Flash, most recently, as well as many Spanish-speaking roles, including hits like Pan’s Labyrinth. Since she plays the hero’s mother in the former and Mercedes in the latter, you definitely cannot say that she's a Flash in the Pan.