#sephiroth was falling apart and angeal understood it too late

[silvergreenseraphim]

Angeal’s Regret

This is a good translation of Angeal’s words here, but I wanted to explain something very painful that we learn from the Japanese.

Dissidia:

ところがひどく心配させたようでな

やつれた顔を見たときは悪いことをしたと思った

However, it seems it caused him to be extremely worried.

When I saw his haggard face, I thought I had done something wrong.

Crisis Core:

セフィロス やつれたか?

Sephiroth, are you haggard?

Angeal uses the same word to describe Sephiroth’s condition in Dissidia that he did in Crisis Core.

やつれた

“yatsureta”

I found a good definition of it for English-speakers:

Angeal noticed that Sephiroth was gaunt, exhausted, and worried. Unhappy. We can see this exact state of Sephiroth in Crisis Core. Many of us describe him as depressed and worn. I think that is a fair assessment, because it was evidently so noticeable that Angeal saw it immediately.

In Dissidia, it’s a key point of regret. Angeal remembers how Sephiroth looked and realized it was because of his and Genesis’ disappearances. When he tries to speak to Sephiroth in Dissidia, he also realizes that Sephiroth was alone when he discovered his origins.

“Sephiroth…did you come to know of your birth? I had Genesis at that time…but you…”

Angeal regrets. He wishes he was there and communicated better to his dear friend. He did not understand at the time, just how far Sephiroth would fall after, from his perspective, being left behind.

Zack: “You all had a really good relationship.”

Sephiroth: “Hmph, I wonder…”

—Crisis Core

[comebackwhen]

Anon Prompt - #29; Clack Fix-It Part 2

Part One, Part Three, Part Four

If he had any real concerns about Kunsel and his loyalties, they died when Kunsel looked at him for the first time. It had been a while since he had looked at himself, but from the expression on Kunsel’s face, he must have been much worse off than he thought.

Kunsel made him put the helmet back on and put his own back on, before leading him to the nearby train station. When alarms and flashing lights started blazing half way through the trip up, only Kunsel’s grip on his forearm kept him from drawing his sword. Even that was barely enough. For a sickening second, Zack was sure that Kunsel had betrayed him.

“It’s the new security system. Relax. There’s an ID imbedded in your insignia that will get you past it.”

Zack grit his teeth and waited. Even once lights and noises stopped again, Zack could not bring himself to feel guilty. He could not see Kunsel’s eyes beneath his helmet, but Zack could still feel them watching him, “Damn, man, I’m not sure I want to know what happened to you…”

“And you want to know everything about everything.” Zack said with a grim chuckle.  

Zack was surprised when Kunsel directed him down a sidestreet toward Sector Four instead of toward Shinra H.Q. It must have shown, despite his face being covered, because Kunsel explained without waiting for Zack to ask, “Once Sephiroth was KIA and you disappeared, I realized that it might be smart to start formulating an escape plan. I’ve got an apartment with enough supplies to keep someone for a while. You tell me what the hell is going on and you can stay there as long as you need to.”

Zack thought on it a moment, but there really was no safer choice, “I get to take a shower before we do anything else.”

“Are you kidding?” Kunsel asked, his lips quirking up in a smile, “That was going to be one of my requirements.”

He spent an obscene amount of time showering, just glad to finally be clean for the first time in years. Zack checked over his body again, surprised to find that not one of the bullet wounds he had taken had left a mark. He also grimaced when he realized he could practically count each rib. He had been working so desperately to keep himself and Cloud alive, but they had done without a lot. Honestly, he was surprised he had lasted as long as he had against the Army with how malnourished he was.

When he finally climbed out, there was a new First Class uniform folded on the counter. He remembered the day he had finally been promoted, so excited to put on the uniform until he understood the implications. A small part of him longed for the simpler days when he had been a Second Class Soldier, with Angeal to watch out for him.

Kunsel frowned a bit when Zack stepped out of the bathroom, “Sorry, man, I’m sure the last thing you probably want to wear is that uniform, but-”

“Don’t sweat it.” Zack waived his apology off, “It could be a dress, as long as it was clean.”

“I’ll keep that in mind for when I go shopping,” Kunsel teased, “Come on, I ordered up some dinner while you were getting cleaned up. Why don’t you bring me up to speed while we eat?”

They passed the food back and forth, Kunsel waiting until Zack had taken his fill before taking any for himself. Zack guessed he was not the only one who realized he was too thin. He was more grateful than he could say to his old friend. He ate slowly, but steadily, telling Kunsel about Nibelheim and what had come after.

He could see Kunsel’s temper grow shorter and shorter, until he pushed his plate away during Zack’s description of the ambush from that afternoon. He finished the story with a wry chuckle, “I passed out from blood loss and woke up several hours later without a mark on me. Honestly, if my shirt hadn’t been shot to shreds, I would have guessed the whole thing was a dream… plus, I followed Cloud’s trail into Midgar.”

“There haven’t been any reports of a blond First Class Soldier popping up anywhere…” Kunsel murmured, pulling out his phone and checking through his messages, “I’m guessing he got past the checkpoint and went to ground.”

“I hope so.” Zack sighed and finally pushed his own plate away, “He was in a bad way, Kunsel. If he relapses or if the wrong people find him…”

Kunsel came back to the table and squeezed Zack’s shoulder, “I’ll put the contacts I trust on alert. If anyone bumps into your friend, I’ll let you know. What are you going to do, once you find him?”

“No idea.” Zack scrubbed his hands over his face, “We were coming to Midgar to get him help for the mako poisoning. I… wanted to see Aeris again, too, but it’s too dangerous. She’s been writing me letters all this time. The last one made it to me by dumb luck… and it really was the last one. It sounds like she’s ready to move on and maybe I should let her. She could do better than a fugitive running from Shinra.”

“You’re a better man than I am.”

Zack’s chuckle was dark and broken, “Right.”

“Listen, I think it would be best if you tried to get some extra sleep.” Kunsel nodded down the hallway toward some closed doors, “The door on the left is the spare bedroom. Get some sleep in a real bed and I’ll start doing some recon. I’ll put in for some leave, too, so I can restock this place without anyone getting suspicious. I’ve spent my leave here for a few years now, so it’ll be a good cover.”

Zack stopped Kunsel before he could put his helmet back on and head for the door, “Listen, I appreciate what you’re doing for me. You’re putting yourself in some serious danger here-“

“If Sephiroth, Genesis, Angeal and you are all dispensable, I’m already in danger.” Kunsel gave him a lopsided smile, “I’ve been looking for a reason to quit for years. I have a half dozen legitimate plans to disappear without a trace from Shinra. I’ve just been waiting for… I don’t know, something. I guess your coming back was that something. Let’s get you back into shape, find Cloud, and get the hell out of here.”

“That sounds like a plan, if ever there was one.” Zack agreed, letting the man usher him off to bed.

True to his word, Kunsel came back with a bag packed for a week of leave and enough food to feed them both. He helped Zack come up with a believable disguise and gave him a fake identification card, in case he needed to take a train or was stopped by a patrol. During that week, they made plans for their life after Shinra. Kunsel had laughed a bit at Zack’s suggestion of becoming mercenaries, but agreed that monster hunting and private security work were both becoming very lucrative fields. All that they needed was to find Cloud.

That ended up being far more difficult than either of them expected. Even with Kunsel’s considerable network of contacts and Zack’s ongoing search of the city by foot, he never managed to find Cloud. Kunsel had confirmed that the same checkpoint that had admitted him had noted a strange Soldier enter the city, but they had been trained to not disrupt Soldiers on missions and this Soldier had the air of someone who was not to be disturbed. The trail went cold after that and neither of them had been able to pick it back up.

It was several months before things changed - a reactor explosion in Sectors One and Two, the plate falling in Sector Seven, and a frantic, late night phone call from Kunsel to tell him that Cloud had stormed the Shinra building to rescue several research samples. He was halfway to Shinra H.Q. when Kunsel sent a second message about the death of Shinra Sr.

Pinned to his desk by the Masamune, if Palmer’s to be believed. Not entirely sure I do, but are you sure that Sephiroth is dead?

Your friend is being blamed. If he doesn’t get out of the building, he’ll be executed.

Zack gave up all pretense of a disguise and moved toward H.Q. with all the speed of a Soldier.

It was too little, too late. By the time he arrived, the building was surrounded by Infantry and Soldiers, waiting for anyone to come out of the doors. Before Zack could even attempt to come up with an idea, there was a fantastic crash as a window on the side of the building exploded and a motorcycle and truck flew through the air and onto the highway. There was no mistaking the head of spiky blond hair on the driver of the motorcycle.

He was not surprised when Kunsel appeared at his side a few minutes later with the emergency pack he kept at H.Q. in case he had to leave in a hurry, “Scarlet is going to deploy one of her new robot weapons, if the Army doesn’t catch them first. They’ve got a head start, but if you hurry, you might catch them.”

Kunsel handed Zack a blade, one of the standard Soldier broadswords that Zack had used until Angeal’s death. He sheathed it on his back and slung the supply pack over his shoulder, “Come with me, man. Everything will be up in the air with the president’s death. It’d be a good time to get lost.”

After a pause, Kunsel said, “I think this is going to be bigger than we realize. If Sephiroth really is back, Shinra’s going to have the best chance at figuring out where he’ll go next... and if Cloud is the one who threw him into the mako pit, he might be holding a grudge. I’ll feed you information and once you’ve caught up with Cloud, let me know. We’ll meet up, get a drink, and start our monster hunting business.”

Zack seized his friend in a fierce hug, “Thanks, Kuns.”

“Yeah, yeah, you big lummox. Get going.” Kunsel shoved him off with a chuckle, “Be careful.”

“Aren’t I always?” Zack asked with a grin.

Kunsel shook his head, “Do I need to remind you how I found you a few months back?”

Zack did not bother replying, jogging off toward the highway instead. By the time he reached the end of the unfinished road, there was a smoking pile of scrap metal and the two abandoned vehicles. There was also a rope hanging from a sturdy looking beam that dropped to the ground outside the outer wall of the city. It was as likely a place to start as any.