#sent some emails made plans reflected week etc

[naturalblue22]

i've got toxic adultivity, the 'no tears, from the first day on' baby shampoo embarrasses me

[jovnie]

Artificial Intelligence | Namjoon

Summary

Namjoon after wondering the internet, came across a website Ad for a personalized A.I made for him and only for his viewing pleasure.

Words 3k

Cyber namjoon au! College namjoon! A.i reader!

Warnings: smut, masturbation, virtual reality, moaning and heavily, medium amount of plot, kind of vanilla, riding, dirty talk, muscular joon. Oral (f), heavy whining, begging, dom joon, verbal joon.

With his eyes glued tiredly to the computer, his hand moved the curser to press play. This was his third year in college, being who knew what at the end. After years of tiredness from research papers to fieldwork, being a chemistry major wasn’t paying off one bit. Not his student debt either. Yawning, his arms stretched up and then out before returning them back to the slightly chipped computer to type the URL in.

With each little tap and click, he answered the questions before being brought back to the previous page. Groaning in utter frustration, he closed his computer and put his head on the computer before meantly screaming. He was half way through the questions and it took him out and how knows if he had 200+ more to do. Sighing, he lifted his head uttering, “at least its not the actual test”

With slight relief, he lifted the mac screen and saw he exited everything on accident. Giving up, he searched for a virtual teacher. With no luck, he stumbled across and Ad for an A.I. with an obvious lack of how the cyber world was or knowledge on A.I, he opened a new tab. With searching the key word. ‘A.I’ a small little text box appeared.

A.I ( Artificial Intelligence )

is an intelligence demonstrated by machines, as opposed to the natural intelligence displayed by humans or animals

After looking up the word and its definition, he thought he had a solid idea of what it was. Therefore he exited the tab and searched the subject and then Ai. After doing so he scrolled and clicked what he assumed to be a cite and looked at what it had to offer.

“This is neat. Ah, Let’s see where this goes! Maybe if I do this I can study with a human, I think?” He spoke aloud, looking at the options. Waking up a bit from the sudden excitement, he stretched his body and looked around for a notepad and pen. While doing so, a pop up appeared.

Stacy is single and is 65 miles away from you, wanna interact

Once namjoon returned, he saw the women and clicked off. He figured this wasn’t an appropriate or free ran website. Itching the back of his head, he continued until another pop up this time an ad appeared.

Create your own human A.I with unlimited uses here

Curiously he clicked the ad and saw you had to buy it, immediately he got up from his desk. Legs numb a bit from the lack of moment, he grabbed his wallet and took out his student card. Shopping he looked at the computer than a card. “Yeah no,” he laughed to himself, knowing he could catch a case he didn’t want so he grabbed his credit card before swiveling the chair to sit down. After blindly trusting the site, he was taken to the tutorial and saw a fully naked man on the screen. In shock, he shut the computer down to realize it wasn’t that A. I he needed. Sighing, he flipped the top back up and immediately felt hopeless with the exam. Seeing there’s a female version, he looked around to make sure none on the body was there. He knew he had the room to himself, but it’s still worth it. You never knew, who could be watching.

From there he closed his blinds, turned off the lights, and got back to the computer. He started to create your body down to the smallest detail. He had time as his classes for the week were canceled for finals and other school-related activities like college tours etc.

“Finally, you’re done and now we give you a name!” he smirked softly, rubbing his palm over his jeans on accident. With a few glances and searches, he named you y/n. Smiling, he pressed continue and saw there was an outfit room and spent a few more moments picking something cute, casual and sexy for your body frame. After that was done, he pressed continue. Suddenly there was timer and another pop up.

TIME REMAINING: 23hours 59mins and 23seconds

Thank you for ordering “Y/n” the A.I, everything is processing as you read. While you wait, please pick from the available voices and chose which one suits your needs “Namjoon!”

He had no clue what to expect, but it was worth the wait. Meanwhile, he spent an hour going through the types of voices he wanted you to have, till he could find your voice a perfect match for his needs. After pressing finish, he plugged his computer in and left his computer on as he got out of the chair and brought himself to his bed to sleep. Thankfully, he took a shower hours ago and was already more steps to sleeping than ever. Soon after, his head laid softly on the white pillow and his eyes began to close asleep.

The next day, around 5minuets, until it was time to see what he had gotten himself into. He moved his viewing location to his bed as it was simply more comfortable. Beforehand, he ate and cleaned out items he thought might me helpful with what he thought he’d get into in any minute now. While waiting with pain, he watched the minutes drop one by one until it was less than a minute and he grabbed his seanna drift, a virtual reality set made for his computer and recommended from an email sent to him earlier. He figured it came with more than just the yearly plan he paid for.

As his wallet cried, he read the direction of the screen ok how to connect the device to the website and began following the video instructions. As they told him where to find things and hook it up, he saw that it needed to charge and groaned loudly in annoyance. So he spent that saddened hour, cleaning his room till he saw green and followed the instructions once again.

“Okay ready!” he said, as the Vr headset and earbuds sat softly on his head. With wow and o’s he saw you in this basic room with the lights off and sudden shoe-making noises. Turning his head, he saw you turn on the lights and sat on the bed in front of him. Looking around he took note of his virtual surroundings before grabbing his flashlight and pouring lube he had trouble finding on the table and poor it inside the toy.

Waiting for you to make a move, he got up and placed his computer on the bedside table, and laid on his back. As shirtless and gray sweatpants he was, he still felt clothed. In that moment he took off his sweats, leaving his boxers on he noticed the screen changed onto the bed and it spoked him slowly. With you laying on his chest, he grabbed a free pillow and hugged it as if you were there.

“You feel warm” you chuckled, as namjoon blushed in the shock.

“Thanks, I guess you can see and hear me?” He asked, rubbing you “the pillow softly”

“I can, my system works like an actual person” you mentioned look g him in the eyes. Confused, he hummed in agreement. Whining, he was very pleased with how human you were and a bit concerned as well. He was amused and amazed at how advanced society had become.

After small talk, he warmed up to your very realistic body, voice and actions. Not to mention his hands moving slowly up and down his length as he watched you shower and how cute you looked when you did. Moving a bit faster, you looked and the system told you he was jerking off.

In a surprise you turned around and looked at him, covering your body. With him in tune with idea, he smirked. “what’s wrong baby? You don’t like when I view your body like this?” He asked, grinding his hips against the pillow.

“Well, um I do. Its just new to me okay” your system lies, as it registered grunts from namjoon.

“Well can you turn around for me?” He adds, taking his toy and liking it up to his actual length. Nodding, you turned around and bent over. As namjoon said his movements as listed in the tutorial earlier, you opened your legs as if he was spreading them for you. Holding onto the wall, he said more commands, and eventually, it looked like he was fucking you and it caused an involuntary grunt from his mouth.

“Fuck!” He cursed, sliding the toy up and down in a slow pace as he watched how his camera was moving. Looking at you he got up from a lying position, to his knees and moved the pillow into a u shape and placed his toy so it could feel more real to him.

Hearing your soft moans and a good view of your ass, he began to thrust faster into the toy, holding the pillow down as if he was your back and began moaning curse words. Luckley his head gear caught that and made your moans shift to match his rhythm.

“Ah! Ah! Please don’t stop!” You moaned, griping the shower walls looking back as his eyes wondered your body and all heard from him were grunts. Keeping your ask, he tried pacing himself so he wouldn’t cum too soon as the feeling was slowly building the more he got more into it.

“God! Fuck” he cursed again, as his head went back imaging you bounce back on him. Moving the toy to the desired speed, he kept going closing his eyes and listening to your moans as he reached his end. Jerking forward once more, his cock twitched as his cum spilled inside the toy. After coming down from the slight high, he looked at you who was hard breathing, body slightly shaking and a stream of cum laced your ass with grace.

After today’s use of the A.I he unplugged the device and let it charge. Shortly after, he exited the screen you were on and went to take a shower. Reflecting and thinking how could he make this experience even better and with that thought, he googled the company and saw they made Bluetooth connected toys. Browsing he found a torso toy and paid the extra $15 for the next day delivery. Smiling, he closed his computer and went to beg shortly after.

The next night, he had the box that contained the sex toy. He took it out and realized he picked the right color and body for you. As he read the directions he plugged it to charge and went to do some light reading verire coming back. Seeing the full bars on the side of the torso toy, he grabbed his headset and plugged everything in and made sure the section was secured.

You have connected toy 1251819, your system will now function off of movements from the toy and vr audio. Please speak select the place you wish to be in

After reading namjoon said “library” soon after, you showed up in the same outfit as he picked, sitting in the chair.

“Oh hi namjoon! What are you doing here?” You asked, smiling and putting the book down?

“Well I’m light studying for our test, mind if I join you?* he tells, as the vr moves his view next to you. While he looks around in his vr set, he notices your in a secluded area. As his hands move around the half thigh it registers and you blush slight.

"Sorry” he apologized, looking you up and down. As you told him it was okay, the screen of consent popped up and he knew it was okay to touch you. In that moment, he got on his knees again this time with a body like toy underneath. He instructed you to strip and as he watched you take off your clothes he rubbed his length in his bare hands.

“Good girl now gets on your back for me on the table,” he praised, watching you as your legs reminded closed. Opening them on the toy, you followed. He rubbed his hands around your thigh and rubbed around your lips till he found your clit and gently rubbed you in circles as you began moaning for him.

“You want me to stop?” He smirked, nodding no he stopped.

“Then tell me what you want” he adds, rubbing and teasing the area slowly. After explaining that you want him badly and would do anything, he removed his hand and rubbed his tip around your entrance.

“Please, please namjoon. I want it badly. You felt so good the last time” you told whining softly.

“Oh, you liked that?” He smirked chuckling softly under his breath. Nodding, he lubed you up hearing you moan to his touched, and soon began softly thrusting into you. Griping your shoulder softly, he stuped down your breast. As he began sucking on them soft, he moved in deeper feeling the toy clench on him. Surprised he jerked forward and went faster. It really felt similar to phaycal and actual human body. He continued thrusting, leaning over the you and the sting harder as grunts and your moaning filled his ear.

“S-so big namjoon, it feels-” you interrupted with a moan and he groaned feeling the toys warmness and the wetness of the amount of lube in you.

“Mm keep talking baby, tell me how good it feels!” He demanded, groaning and curing as he went harder. After a few words, his body started going faster as it started to feel too good on him. He told you to just moan and take him as he began chasing his high, which was beyond what he knew. As you moaned his name and reacted to his length and speed, namjoons grunts turned into soft whines and moans as he enjoyed himself with you.

“Oh you feel so good baby” he breathed out heavily. “Ah don’t stop cumming for me” he added, as the system didn’t stop cumming on him causing namjoon to thrust harder as the machine started releasing water already put in the toy on him. Feeling even more organic, he rubbed your clit getting you to choke on your moan as he went harder. Groaning deep and now at an animalistic speed the bed started speaking and his body kept going as he became more vocal with the feeling.

“OH GOD IN CUMMING!” he announced yelling, cumming so hard he started feeling sick and breathing so deep it made the feeling even more unbearable. Coming once more, he fell on top of the toy and laid there till he was able to come down from his high and plug his stuff back up. Looking he saw that not only did his toy break, but his computer was also malfunction with errors on the screen.

With not a lot of energy, he closed his computer and sat the now broken toy beside him as he breathed heavily. Not to mentioned the multiple knocks at his door, he assumed where from one of his neighbors.

“Just his luck” he whispered as he softly passed out sleep.

[plounce]

a thing i am doing right now is i am writing a post-canon cardassia garashir fic BUT it is wholly made up of primary sources and secondary sources discussing garashir in later cardassian society because in present canon cardassia is like homophobic so their relationship was kept verrrrry private, so a lot of historians in the future debate over whether garak and bashir were together or not. ambiguity and all that. im a history major. all the secondary sources are post-post-canon when cardassia is like. more socially liberal about certain things, where the writers are reflecting on that period of cardassian history. anyway these are the sections i have written / planned so far

bashir's will that asks for certain documents to be preserved “for the sake of historical preservation, so that future generations may know Elim not just as a patriotic statesman but as a warm and loving man.” <-- homo

a book on present-canon cardassian homophobia, going into the social history. this section got really long because i talked about trans cardassians navigating around homophobia a lot. bc the homophobia is from a place of “you have to have children” but like (binary) trans ppl are okay so like those people who marry in ways that don’t appear childbearing tended to have children really quick to escape that. but yeah i still need to finish this bit bc i need to actually talk about the homophobia not just the trans people

list of cardassian homophobic slurs. yeah lmao i know. we have fun here. one of the ones for “lesbians” is “friend of sapohi” because i couldn’t resist making up lizard alien sappho

first physical letter garak sends bashir post-canon when there’s power shortages and bashir is stationed a long way away. they’re not together yet. sort of an introduction. these letters are one of the only personal documents garak left behind bc he’s paranoid and very private

a federation relief worker’s notes on a briefing about power rationing, which is some further explanation about why the fuck star trek people would be writing letters on paper instead of their weird ipads

second letter garak sends bashir. idk what’s gonna be in that yet but i do know garak says “your doodle of me was charming but inaccurate”. just one side of the conversation bc bashir kept his letters from garak while garak read the letters bashir sent him, memorized them, and destroyed them for security reasons.

record request emails from a cardassian history graduate student to a federation archivist asking for access to any messages from the o’briens about bashir but oh no :( the o’briens only marked for archival some videos of their grandkids :( and also a video of a random cardassian kid from bashir? weird. this one was really fun

one of the last messages bashir sent o’brien through starfleet comms that’s like right before he leaves for cardassia. nothing Concrete but definitely Hmmm-able

an excerpt from a book about the history of offworlders on cardassia, which includes a letter from one of garak’s political opponents as an example of reactionary xenophobia. basically it’s just a letter where this dude is very rude and homophobic about bashir. but it’s fine because he uses fake homophobia

political cartoon where bashir is portrayed as a seducer trying to get cardassia to assimilate into the federation. meant to be kind of funny imo. might commission karin to draw it for me. i think bashir tried to frame it in their house but garak like super hated it but idk if i can squeeze that in

transcript of an interview bashir gave on his views on cardassian politics, trying to be like “haha im just here to be a doctor, im not trying to be a spy or anything, but yeah i do agree with the people who like social programs and the rights of the disadvantaged etc etc”

an excerpt from a speech parmak gives like a decade after that after a piece of orphan rights legislation got passed that thanks bashir for the consultation and support. heheh

third letter from garak to bashir. probably like. subtly indicates that their relationship is on the verge of romantic. the last letter

a negative book review of a book that argues that garak and bashir were together. the review is just like “terrans are just Like That!!” plus some other stuff like “they lived together bc nobody would rent a house to an offworlder in this era!!” and stuff like that. im looking forward to writing this

the entries on garak and bashir from a children’s book on cardassian heroes. very saccharine and glossy and patriotic. bashir especially is like “once he stepped foot on cardassian soil he knew he loved this land” etc etc. amusingly inaccurate

the speech of one of garashir’s grandchildren (they take in some wards - non-blood related adoption is formally recognized on cardassia after the wards are of age) while accepting some medical award that thanks her grandfather elim garak for the support and her beloved elder julian bashir for his advice and support

a foreword from a book of poetry written by one of their GREAT-grandchildren who thanks his grandfather for the love of literature passed down to him. because Oh You Know

idk where this will go but cardassians discussing a federation documentary about The Heroes Of The Dominion War that says “oh yeah bashir went on to become the first naturalized citizen of cardassia. elim garak became an important figure in the new cardassian government. they were common law married” and the cardassians being like THEY REALLY SAID THAT? and some cardassians being mad and some cardassians being like Someone’s Fucking Saying It Finally!

still thinking of other sections that go a bit more into their children/married life. maybe also some other incidents. the thing about this is it’s such a fun little exercise to think of different ways to angle into this relationship and this society through surviving primary sources and variations on secondary sources. it’s a puzzle though because i want a lot of differentiation

im thinking ill conclude it with like their great great grandchild releasing some documents from them that confirm their relationships that were meant to published like a couple centuries later when hopefully cardassia was more accepting. because i want gay people to get the last laugh and assert their places in history and regain control over how society sees them. yk

sorry this post is like so insanely long and also kind of deranged in concept. im kind of fucking tired of my main twitter being this place where i have to remember that 21k people follow me (because i post c*tcrumb art on my main twtter) that im trying to make tumblr a place where i can just run my mouth yk. anyway. hey i got really into ds9 in the second week of march

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

"Uruguay already landed and took off with no problems"

Matt and Abu start to tear up... And they will make me cry like a hyena laughs

"Suck it up buttercups, i don't need you two that won't even go see your wives (soulmates/half and halves) crying in my face! You got better things to do!"

....

Some have phones, but have limitations...

Abu had told them to call the consulates or embassies if they ever got a chance to escape.

Because he would bring some kidnapped ones, the badder ones here or there and tell them "escape" and i was arguing with one and told her "don't be stupid call the American Embassy, they will protect you!"

Anyways she was stupid and went back to Iraq pregnant.

Because I'm worthless and no good and a liar. So mom says as it was mom. Not that i believed that but now i know she was. And i still tried to help her.

And so Abu was all "explain me everything you know about this"

So i did and how an embassy or consulate is actually a little section of land in a country that belongs to another country

So a diplomat from Liberia, in America, would go to an embassy for the Librerians and it is considered to be Liberia land although its actually our land we allow them to use. They are protected by their laws from us there. As are their people and so on. So we can't go with an American search warrant for their home. We have to call Liberia and say, "look you sent us a fucktard and im about to kill him so you need to help us help you keep him alive"

And so Abu told everyone he could and even wrote the phone numbers on strips of papers.

So, for Uruguay, two people called their consulate and asked for help when they received emails of their release.

Apparently one said "come get me! They said she said we can be released! I don't know where i am! Help please!"

So with the phone call they were able to pinpoint their coordinates although the GPS is disabled in their phone -- no hack can break the GPS and if one ever does someone goes and repairs it.

Uruguay knew about the farms and their people but because the Queen owns them There's nothing anyone would do about it. But the Queen knows i have no trouble beating her ass because last time I saw her i did because she got undressed while Abu and Matt were screaming for help. So i beat her ass and yankyy her facey --- i did sit down and therapy talk her and asked her like she was 5, nice, to get dressed and ber and i would go have lunch in public and be normal. But she refused and got belligerent like we been getting drunk and high for 9 days without sleep or food. So. We came to an understanding about this situation so no one has to get beat up. Plus i terrorized her husband a few weeks ago and he had to move out the next day... Cause she kicked him out and she said she wanted me to kill him and his Goddam light turning on and off pissed me off.

**pet the chin of a dog of someone you hate then yell "you know what poison is?? Its too cold for your dog to be outside!" When they go to the door to see what you're doing at their gate.

He moved but left his dog after crying all night and i see him running all over the neighborhood now. Supposedly he's trained to kill but hes super sweet and doesn't even act mean.. Runs around smiling all sweet and listens and doesn't bark... He barks locked in the yard tho. Pit bull. Male.

Anyways. It could speed up the process if someone calls and says how many they have and etc.

Uruguay had 15 people at 2 farms so one of the smaller farms took two trucks to each farm and picked them up.

Then they waited at the small farm for the pick up from the military. So about 24 hours it took for that but about 2 days to hear whar to do from Uruguay.

Mexico has 90% so they're doing as much planning as possible and preparing the transition site.

At the transition site, they will get stories of the people. Everything they can remember and use newspapers and other information like police records and anything they can find to help the families be found for the victims.

As soon as possible they will be provided a phone to contact their families with a counselor present and they will have constant communication with their families until they are home

Because there are so many people, about 2,000 it will take weeks to cover everyone.

So we have field trips planned for those in the safe haven.

They will go out and see local sights, eat in restaurants and be tourists and be given ("free") spending money for their own souvenirs and goods.

They will be heavily guarded and protected. And it's voluntary. We split them into small groups and they can choose to go to which trip when.

Its their first taste of decision making and freedom to live as they have had the right to all this time.

So we are excited for this for them as well as Uruguay being able to take theirs home for the holidays. Uruguay will have a similar program for them as well.

At larger facilities: Our program has days with a group staying at the temporary home to be interviewed and use computers and to rest if it is not time for them to interview, catch up on laundry and things like that. This way they dont miss out on trips but have time "off" to rest and reflect.

Trips aren't everyday, tho. Because we don't want to overwhelm them with the outside world and make them feel they can't choose to be free.

~~~~~~~💞

Mexico and i worked last night for a celebration in the summer. So the victims can all see each other again. And celebrate their freedom together. Again heavily guarded and protected. There we will have a festival explaining many different religions, including Islam and Iraq customs, in hopes to further develop peace and tranquility. We prepared some fun challenges to recognize emotional PTSD and how to overcome the sudden overwhelming feelings with pride and happiness and most of all personal strength. For example: a fun water park with water slides and such... Realizing many may not be able to swim, the victims may feel intense fear and panic. However there will be life guards in the towers and in the water and swim instructors and life vests and everything to make it perfectly safe and enjoyable. So to overcome that intense fear is a self empowerment movement for the victims. We hope they have so much fun they dont even realize how much progress they made until they are safe and warm in their beds and they drift happily to sleep and God holds their hands and tells them how proud he is.

So Mexico has said they will provide program material with the detailed information of the challanges to expect, this way they can recognize their feelings that they have been taught to suppress. Initially and also how to expect to overcome the problomatic issues.

So we hope all the victims and their chosen family members from home choose to go and see us. And choose to educate themselves and heal and to see their friends they made in captivity.

While it is normal and expected to hate those who captured and enslaved the victims, the victims themselves always made the best of a bad situation and they made friends and families of their co-workers. We don't want to tear apart yet another family for these people. So we plan to have bi-yearly free events for them to see one another. Just as the military and its affiliates would for war veterans here in America.

Being a military brat, I've had my chosen family torn apart all the time. Being a victim of the two main kidnappers and the owner of the farms, i have had my blood family torn apart as well as many friends kidnapped and murdered. Thus I have complete understanding how not having the opportunity to see my family and friends again is harmful to the heart. And soul and mind. So i cannot allow that to happen to these unfortunate souls that have suffered as long as i Have. I see them no different than myself, in the way I want them to be cared for. As i have not been cared for, it will be extravagant, as the days go wearily by, I realize how much more i deserve that i do not receive. So i can only imagine how they could feel without freedom so i hope to maximize as best as possible without interfering with their daily life So they can live as normal as they wish -- with the financial benefits they will receive. They have lived in horrid conditions and received no pay but food and housing and worked daily. Thus they will be taken care of financially and their only job is to be happy, wise and free. And spend time with their families, sharing memories and making more. Live, laugh, love. That is their jobs. And they will be paid nicely for that. The governments are working together to sort all that out. And it seems that it will be a conglomeration of tax payer dollars not from any one country. Mainly the drug manufacturing countries, that benefited financially.

We have elected to have the first one big celebration to televised on worldwide television, including Netflix. So those not invited have no need to crash our party. As There are many surprises scheduled that should delight the nations.

[ebthecelebrity]

Don’t Let Mercury Retrograde Get You F*cked Up!

With the Mercury Retrograde in effect until July 31st, I have definitely been quieter. This is the dreadful time of the year where planet Mercury moves in an opposite direction to planet Earth.  Mercury is the planet associated with Communication. As a major believer in astrology, I have always been intrigued with the planets and stars and am a big believer that we are balls of energy walking on earth.  

Energy never lies.

With the retrograde miscommunication, technical errors, and angry verbal blow-ups are expected. This is the time to OBSERVE, NOT ABSORB. If you observe the energy around you, you don’t have to absorb none of it. Remember, every action doesn’t deserve a reaction.  With this being said, over the past week, I have been observant and really shaking my damn head at the things I am seeing with grown ass adults. I mean,  do I really have to write this article on etiquette?  Why yes, yes I do. Somewhere, we lost our integrity and human empathy. From childish social media posts, petty family members and high school equivalent drama at work, the retrograde’s energy is suffocating me!  It could very well be the energy bouncing off the retrograde, or it could simply be the lack of decent manners.  

I wanted to share 8 etiquette rules that I live by.  Remind you, I am only 36 years young and I have a lot to learn.  Some of these, I, too, must remember and never step outside of the lines of respect. No one is perfect. If you are over 30 years old and you have to be reminded of these, it’s time to sit down, self reflect and repair your behavior.  

1.  When dropping a friend/lover/family member off at their home, wait until they have fully unlocked their door and went inside their house before leaving.  I can’t tell you how much this bothers my spirit.  It screams, “IDGAF if you truly get home safe or not.”  A similar situation I had to learn from was when I was in my early 20s.  I dated a guy who lived in a not so great part of town.  After a night of clubbing, drinking excessively and even sexual relations, this guy would carelessly fall asleep.  I would too sometimes but then realize I had to wake up to head home as it was still dark outside. This guy would never wake up, causing me to venture outside alone.  My first pet peeve with this is if you can’ t handle your alcohol, don’t overindulge and leave your date to fend for themselves.  I would always say a silent prayer that once I walked outside to my car no one would be hiding behind some bushes to kidnap or rob me.  This behavior is inexcusable.  Always make sure your loved one is fully in the house before driving off.  I am not only discussing this as something to be aware of in bad neighborhoods, but what if that person lost their keys and their phone was dead?

2.   Please don’t talk loudly on the phone in public.   Okay, we have ALL done this. Sometimes you are knee deep into a conversation that just can’t be finished when you walk inside the store, however, to be loud and obnoxious is NOT the business.  The other day my son and I were in Food Lion picking up a few groceries.  I was strategically looking at the barbeque sauces.  Reading the back of each bottle with the goal to find the one with the least amount of artificial ingredients and no high fructose corn syrup.  Two young girls came into the store and were engaged in a phone conversation via face time with someone. “Ayeeee! It’s a hot girl summer girl! Turn up! Drink something!” I rolled my eyes in annoyance. Then, the worst happened, they strolled right down the sauce aisle where I casually stood.  The loud laughter, yelling and inappropriate conversation almost sent me over the edge. Mind you, it’s a place and a time to turn up. Hell, I still partake in a light turn up periodically.  As we age, many of us find perfect peace in the comfort of our home.  We dread leaving home to visit the grocery store, hair salon, barbershop, riding public transportation, doctor’s office, etc due to this very reason.  It’s instant anxiety.  I understand that not all public places are quiet, but it would be a lot more enjoyable if we all respected each other’s peace in any environment. PS: It’s still a hot girl summer though, but can we leave the grocery store out of it? Thanks Megan Thee Stallion J

3. Call before you stop over someone’s house.  As stated before, your home is your haven; therefore, if you see someone pop up in the driveway without a prior notice, proceed to ignore the doorbell.  Now, back in the day, this may have been common as the development of technology left room for unexpected guests.  Now in the 21stCentury, we communicate via phone or text.  You can also send a dm, type it in a status update, or email the other party.  There are too many ways to communicate a visit to show a lack of respect of popping up. The next time you even think this is a good idea, ask yourself if the other party possibly worked a long shift, has to cook dinner for their family, has extensive house chores or may be trying to find the energy to do homework with a young child.  To selfishly barge into someone’s structured day without notice, even to drop off an item cannot be tolerated.

4.  Never go to a party empty handed.  Please do not be this person!  I don’t know a single soul that is not on a budget.  Even the wealthiest of people enjoy Wendys “4 for 4” and clips coupons.  Any working, middle class individual knows that throwing any type of party can be costly. You have to brace yourself for the upcoming energy bill after your summer party for the amount of air condition that you provided the guests.  Freeloaders are not welcome in 2019 and beyond.  This shit stops TODAY!   If you know someone who does this, it’s time to take his or her name off the guest list going forward.  I sit back and am puzzled on how can people show up to an event held in the comfort of another’s home and just “show up.”   Unless the host advises you that you don’t need to bring anything,  that would be the only time to show up empty handed.  It can be as small as a bag of ice or paper cups to as large as a sheet cake or a bucket of fried chicken.  My go to is always a bottle of wine.  You can never go wrong with that.  Worst case scenario, no one drinks it and you finish the bottle yourself.

4.  If you borrow money and it took you longer than expected to pay that person back, give a little interest.  Okay, hear me out.  Many of us have loaned a close person some money and they haven’t been able to pay us back in time.  We thank God that we are able to help, but there is also that possibility that your own finances get messed up in the process. I have witnessed people getting a loan from someone who are awaiting their loan to be paid back.  It could be as little as $30, which may be the monthly Internet bill.  If we were all able to acquire a loan from major banks, we’d all be paying interest anyway.

5. Never put your phone on the table while eating a meal with a guest.  I’ve struggled with this the most. I’ve learned that sacred time is just that, SACRED.  After you’ve snap chatted a pic of your delicious plate of food, place your phone in a purse or pocket and engage. In the constant need of communication and the fast paced social media interactions, having the phone on the table screams that the phone is your guest, and not your physical one.  Taking a break off technology for some old fashioned conversation is the new wave.  As soon as the meal is over, then you can check the 56 likes and notifications you received on the pics of your crab legs.

6. Don’t try to build a romantic relationship over the text messages. Tinder, Bumble, POF, and the many other dating applications have made it very convenient to meet potential mates over the phone, but once you have had that icebreaker, what’s next?  This is a lazy approach to continue to court someone you are very interested in via text.  How would you know that you hate the way they chew without more in person interaction? I understand that sometimes many introverted people urge to date too.  Being standoffish and contacting via text message will only cause the other party to look the other way when they find someone who starts actually making plans with them. Getting to know a person takes physical contact, not sex, just physical chemistry. It’s important to see if a person’s energy matches yours.  Instead, call and say “I’m making breakfast, come by”, “ face time to ask them how their day went and analyze their facial expressions or plan a weekend date at the park to have some one on one.  Actions are proven to show great results in terms of dating and for the life of God, STOP TEXTING “WYD” !

7.  Stop asking a Black Woman if she is wearing a wig/weave.  * sigh *  The fact that I am saying this in 2019 is beyond me.  I love to change my hair up, as it gives me a sense of empowerment.  I grew up thinking my hair needed to be straightened and while there is nothing wrong with that, I have grown into acceptance of the hair that grows out of my scalp. I worked with a woman who always made a big deal about when I changed my hair. In our 9 am weekly meetings, she would broadcast to the entire staff that I have new hair.  I felt all eyes on my scalp, many wondering if it was grown out of my scalp or not.  This irritated the shit out of me. I am here to do a job, not to be discussed. Please do not ask a black woman, “Is all that your hair?”  You can be another black woman and do this, making it unacceptable. Unless that woman puts the information out there for your curiosity,  then please just don’t.  Purchasing an additional hairpiece is not anyone’s business.  A simple, “Your hair looks great!” compliment will suffice.  

8. Never, Ever, Ever, Ever, EVER tell someone they look like they gained weight! This is self explainatory.  I don’t have to go any further. Next person who tells me this, WILL get punched in the face. 

Now, this is just a few and I am confident there are many many more etiquette practices that we can live by.  If you know me personally, this is not a jab at you.  It’s simple rules to live by.  Let’s make the world a better and more caring place by practicing respect and love at all times.  Now, let me go sage my entire house and myself.  Time to meditate, pray and just observe. Happy Self Care Sunday!

[shaynanabroad]

ONE suitcase, FOUR months

It does not feel real that in two days I’m going to board a plane for Sweden, where I will be living for the next four months. I’ve spent so much time thinking and talking about my future plans to study abroad but have not taken the time to let it sink in that these plans are no longer for the distant future. Everyone I know that’s studied abroad has told me to go in with an open mind and try to leave all expectations behind. I’ve tried to take this advice, but have discovered that “having no expectations” is just about impossible.

Already, before I’ve even left home, my experience is different than I expected. Subconsciously, I thought that by the time I was packing to leave, I would in some way feel ready to go. I don’t feel prepared to go at all. And not just in the physical sense of packing my bags. My main sense of lacking preparedness is emotional. I think it's going to take a while before I truly comprehend that I am going to be living in Sweden for the semester and not returning to Villanova’s campus to be with all my friends. Once I’ve been in Sweden for a few weeks, I’ll surely realize that I’m not just on vacation, but immersed in a new chapter of my life, thousands of miles away from my beloved family, friends and campus. I just looked it up, I’m going to be 4,004 miles away from Villanova.

I’m sure I’ll have amazing experiences abroad, but right now, I can’t help but feel like a freshman all over again. Packing up and moving away from the life and place I know, to go somewhere far away from home. I don’t know the local customs and I’m convinced I’ll stick out as different. I wonder if I’m going to be accepted and liked by the people around me. I’ve never had a problem making friends, and if studying abroad is anything like my freshman year, I am in for the time of my life. But, despite everything in the past having worked out, I still feel nervous and a bit anxious. Maybe this is why I haven’t felt ready to go. Until now, I haven’t taken the time to sit down and really absorb the fact that I’m leaving very soon because I’m trying to put off feeling anxious. Like any good psychology student, I know avoiding thinking about a situation that makes me feel nervous isn’t the best coping mechanism, but I’d really rather just pretend I’m not nervous until I’m there and my only choice is to embrace the new experience and all of its surprises and obstacles...right?

So far this post has been fairly morbid, but I promise I’m usually really upbeat and positive. In fact, my core course while studying abroad is Positive Psychology. Since reading the syllabus for this class, I’ve been super excited to get started. Wow that sounded so nerdy. But seriously, I frequently recent so many cheesy cliches such as “look on the bright side,” “every cloud has a silver lining” and my personal favorite, “a positive attitude is everything.” I cannot wait to dive head first into learning about research regarding positivity! Speaking of expectations, I hope mine aren’t too high in thinking this class is going to be life changing!

Now that I’ve done a bit of ranting about how I feel, I’d like to give this post some semblance of structure and talk a bit about my preparations for leaving for Sweden and how I made the decision to study abroad in Stockholm through DIS….

On Packing: Packing is a pain in the butt! At least if you’re like me and very unorganized, both mentally and in terms of your belongings being scattered all over the house. I’ve spent the past few days rearranging miscellaneous clothes into piles of must-brings, maybes and leave-at-homes. Unfortunately, the more I go through the piles, the more maybes I move into the must-bring pile.

Arriving in Sweden mid-January will surely require warm clothes: boots, wool socks, sweaters, thermals, etc. I also have to consider my core course week in Athens Greece(!!!), which I imagine will be warm (or, at least, warmer). I keep telling myself I’m going to pack “light,” but as a classic over-packer about to embark on my experience living outside of the US, I am starting to get worried about whether or not I’ll be able to zip my overstuffed suitcase shut. As I add the four pairs of shoes I’ve determined to be essential, I’m envisioning my little sister sitting on my suitcase as I try to zip it up.

I find myself trying to pack for any possible scenario that could arise, but am starting to realize it may be impossible to fit all necessary outfits for “any possible scenario” into one suitcase. Logically, I know it is unlikely that I’ll need both my Villanova National Championship T-shirt from 2016 and my Villanova National Championship T-shirt from 2018, but I caught myself deeming both as “must-brings.”

As much as I feel unorganized in my packing, in reality, I imagine I’m using this time feeling indecisive over T-shirts as a way to try to collect my thoughts and wrap my brain around the idea that in 48 short hours I will be kissing my family goodbye, or rather hej då (I’d better get used to integrating some Swedish phrases into my vocabulary) and boarding a flight to Stockholm. Today I packed a “trial” suitcase with the pile of clothes I’d deemed essentials, just to make sure everything would fit. And to my surprise, and delight, it did!  I’m sure there are a few last minute things I will think of to add to my suitcase, but for now I am feeling quite accomplished and just a little bit more ready for the journey ahead of me.

WHY I chose DIS Stockholm for my Study Abroad Experience: I’ve spent the past few years of college assuming I’d be studying abroad in Spain, as I was an aspiring Spanish major, but after some soul searching, I decided this summer to reduce my Spanish major to a minor and focus on studying Psychology. With Spain no longer my only option for studying abroad, I was initially overwhelmed with the task of deciding where in the world to study.

One of my self-described greatest strengths, my open mindedness, consequently can have another side to it. I am incredibly indecisive. The idea of choosing one country in which to have the amazing experience of studying abroad, out of the hundreds of beautiful options seemed impossible, so I set up a meeting with my study abroad advisor. To my surprise, the first piece of advise my advisor gave me was to forget about what country I’d be studying abroad in and to think about my expectations for my study abroad experience. This felt much more manageable to me. I prepared a list for our next meeting:

Homestay option

Speak either English (preferred) or Spanish (I could get by but I’m self-conscious about my ability to conjugate verbs)

Warm weather!

In Europe -- I want to do some country hopping!

Psychology classes Villanova does not offer

My advisor referred me to a few different programs he has had experience sending students to in the past that he felt were good options for me, located in various cities (Vienna, Stockholm, Amsterdam, Salamanca and Copenhagen). He sent me off with the task of researching these programs and coming back to him to discuss these options the following week.

When I returned to his office a week later, I was firmly leaning towards Stockholm because the program seemed to fulfill all of my requirements sans the warm weather. Most importantly, the DIS website was plentiful with information and, as someone inexperienced in travelling and nervous about what to expect, the easy access information on the DIS website eased some of my anxieties and offered a realistic preview of what to expect in their program. The inclusion of some of the less than desirable aspects of the study abroad experience, like to expect culture shock and a commute time of up to an hour, in the info provided by DIS made their website feel more reliable than the websites of other study abroad companies that I felt were holding info back and had the vibes of a sales pitch.

About two weeks ago, I felt reassured that I’d made the right decision about where to study abroad when I got my first email from my Swedish host family introducing themselves to me and sharing their excitement about having me come to live with them. I am sure my decision to live in a homestay will come with its share of challenges, but I was thrilled to find out that I will have 3 younger sibling in my host home and will only have to travel 35 mins to get from their home to DIS. I am sure I will reflect on my homestay experience quite a bit in my upcoming posts. I cannot wait to get there and meet them, but I am also starting to question my ability to finish packing ONE suitcase for the next FOUR months.

That being said, I really should get back to packing!

Until next time,

Shaynan

[illumoux]

IB ➞ Art school???

I’ve gotten some PMs with questions about taking the IB Programme in high school and how it’s now affecting me in art school now so I thought I would finally do a Post(TM) about it. Again, everything I’m about to talk about is based on my personal experience but please feel free to talk with me if you have any concerns about this post. I want to put myself out there and help others if I can since I had so much support getting to where I am now. If you have any other questions about art college or the likes, please feel free to shoot them my way 💘

WHAT IS IB?

The International Baccalaureate Programme (aka. IB) is a “fast paced” program for middle and high school students that’s supposed to promote students to think independently and critically. At my school, there was a set courselist, with one or two elective choices. Some courses were Standard Level (SL) and some were Higher Level (HL), which certain post secondary schools allow to swap out for first year credits. IB is different in different schools and different countries though, but overall, It’s meant to be an alternative and more challenging high school experience. 

IB + ME: 

I can’t say I had the most positive time in IB or anything since I was also REALLY struggling with mental health at the time and had hated every moment I was in high school. But upon reflection, there really were things to be gained from the experience. Pros and Cons. 

I was in full IB until second semester grade 10. At that point, I was already thinking about studying art after high school, but was afraid to commit to it entirely because there was so much pressure from my parents and peers to go into a “respectable” career and get a “high paying job in science or math or business” or something. So I dropped to partial IB as a compromise and took IB math, Art and HL English, as well as regular Ontario Uni level Physics, Bio, CompSci, etc etc etc. 

DO YOU USE ANY OF THE STUFF YOU LEARNED IN IB CLASSES IN ART SCHOOL? 

No. 

I have an official credit for Grade 12 Advanced Functions but the most math I do now is occasionally multiplying by 12. Could I solve a quadratic equation now? Don’t even know what that is anymore. 

BUT! You never know what could inspire you. I was so interested in quantum physics, I’m literally writing a story about parallel universes. Learning is almost always good. 

LET’S TALK ABOUT IB ART FOR ONE HOT SECOND: 

I did find IB Art incredibly applicable and helpful because it taught me how to keep a sketchbook and understand the creative process, neither of which you actually directly get graded on in the animation program at Sheridan but is personally tremendously beneficial for developing ideas and creating pieces. Now I draw thumbnails for everything I do. And I appreciate them!

Even if you walk away from IB Art with the most garbage collection - no sweat, it’s only high school and it’s learning the process of creating art that is so so important! When I applied for Sheridan Illustration (the same year I was accepted into Sheridan Animation), I basically repeated a simplified version of the IB Art process and was accepted into the program with a portfolio score of 80, with 9/10s in Process/Ideation, Media Exploration and Sketchbook, which you REALLY focus heavily on in IB Art. 

I would highly recommend taking IB Art if you are thinking about doing art after high school, or doing art in general. 

BEING AN ART STUDENT IN IB:

I hate that Art Kids(TM) have a bad rep. People always assume that art is a dead end career and we all starve and we’re all morally questionable people but that’s not true at all!

But being that Token Art Kid in IB (outside of IB Art class) actually made me feel awful back then. I was always kind of an odd one out. That’s not to say that people weren’t nice or anything. But there was so much pressure to not go into art. Ever since I was a kid, I’d always wanted to be an “artist when I grow up” but I found that in high school, I’d often say that I was “interested in art but was also thinking of pursuing an alternative career in this and that” because I was afraid of being looked down on in an environment where everyone around me wanted to do something “brainy”. Admitting that I wanted to do art almost felt self depreciating because everyone else was actually going to get a “real job” and live “better lives”. But that’s totally not the case! I ended up spending a lot of time taking a bunch of science and math courses I didn’t really like to maintain my twenty thousand irrelevant Back-Up Plans.

IB AND LEARNING SKILLS: 

I think no matter what you do, having good organization and time management skills is always going to be so so important! 

Sheridan Animation is such a loaded program, you really have to try to schedule your time well. I used to complain about the IB courseload but I honestly feel like Sheridan Animation is so much more laborious. We had 8 courses + an elective last semester, each about 2 to 3 hours a week, plus all the time you had to put into doing homework and living life and sleeping. 

Even though IB is meant to keep you busy to force you to learn good work ethics, I don’t think forcing someone to work harder necessarily means that they are going to learn how to manage their time. I was 100% unmotivated and depressed and self destructive in high school. I was in IB for four years but I always studied the night before an exam up until the very last one. And when I graduated and moved out, I realized that I was a mess and I had to change, and it was that self realization was what motivated me to learn how to slowly put together my life back together. Only then did I start taking steps to curate my life and learn how to plan ahead and schedule my week and get! stuff! done! 

So all in all, maybe IB does put you in an environment where having good learning skills will benefit you, and maybe that will motivate you to learn how to maintain a good work ethic. But I really do think skills like how to study and learn and live life is something that you have to be aware of as an individual and want to work towards. Being in IB may help with those things, but it isn’t going to suddenly grant you powers to study two weeks in advance and keep track of all your assignments in a way that works for you. You have to learn to do that yourself. 

HL CREDITS (AT SHERIDAN): 

Not all schools acknowledge HL credits. Sheridan claims to. I know people in Sheridan Animation who have used their HL credits at other universities before coming to our school but I’ve never spoken to anyone at Sheridan who has used them in a Sheridan program. 

This is lowkey a call out post @ Sheridan, but I have tried applying for advanced standing with my IB HL credit to replace my electives twice, but neither time went through. They claimed to not have the proper paperwork, and when I paid for IB to send my transcript to Sheridan, it was never found (despite there being a confirmation email from IB that it had been sent to the right place) so I was unable to get it processed due to a lack of paperwork. And when I tried to follow up through email, I was ignored. 

(If you have successfully gotten your HL credit request to go through at Sheridan, please PM me and tell me how :’^)) 

I do know for a fact that even if you could, in theory, replace some electives at Sheridan with your HL credits and as long as you still had enough courses a semester to consider you a full time student, you would still pay the same amount of tuition. You would just be less busy. 

SHOULD I TAKE IB THEN? 

Honestly, it’s up to you and your own life! 

I know I rambled on for so long only to give the most passive and watery advice but I think you should do what you believe is best for you! Just be aware that whatever you choose is going to lead you to a different future and all your actions will have consequences (good or bad or either) and be okay with that. 

Sometimes, I wish I didn’t do IB so I could have more free time to draw. Maybe if I drew more in high school, I would have gotten into Sheridan Animation a year earlier. But if I did that, I wouldn’t have learned how to paint in Art Fundies and have the friends I do now and live with people I love. Everything I’ve ever done up to this point has brought me here and I wouldn’t change a thing about the past so all I can do is work on making my future, you know :)) 

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading. Good luck! 

[tintriestotell]

Pagkatapos kong sumablay

It has been over a year since graduation and a lot has happened since. As my gap year comes to an end, here’s my (poor) attempt to string words together on how it went.

So, what happened after I transferred the sablay from my right shoulder to the left?

I looked around and saw wide, genuine smiles from my batch mates. It was a great run with you, PH 2013. Here’s to serving more communities, always in all ways.

I looked for my parents and I was happy to see them proud. (Yes, Ma. I saw you wipe that tear.) After the ceremony, my dad had his hands full with five bouquets, one for me and for each of my college best friends. (Thanks, Daddy.) All that followed were greetings, hugs, some tears, photos everywhere.

And then, I went home – to the people I considered family for four years in the university. The remaining days were filled with graduation parties, celebrations, beach trips, getaways, all before we had to go our separate ways. [s/o ASS(S)U]

And then, I went home – to South Cotabato. I was welcomed with open arms by my family. I went to every family gathering I could go to, to make up for all the times I wasn’t able to attend because I was in Iloilo. I swear, every birthday, debut, anniversary, wedding. Tangina, you name it, I was there.

Of course, there were –

Hugs and handshakes

“Congrats” and “so proud of you’s”

But, I wasn’t saved from all the –

Graduate ka na, kelan ka magtatrabaho?

Si *name*, hindi nga UP pero may trabaho agad

Abi ko mag-med ka?

Truthfully, I went home – to explore what Public Health has to offer. There were opportunities too great, too hard to say no to, but, unfortunately, too far from home, so I had to let them go. I was set to find work in SC so I could be closer to my family. My patience was tested as I waited in line at job fairs, applied for clerical positions, sent a ton of emails, only to get rejected because of various reasons.

Wala abi position para sa field mo, sorry.

We need experience.

Hija, we have an age requirement.

Kailangan kasi may lisensya ka para sa job na ‘to.  

So, I went home – to the friends I’ve had since childhood. I had all the time to catch up with them, and celebrations were in order.

Sleepovers!

Dinner outs!

Road trips!

But, the hype... well, it’s not always there.

From celebratory toasts to drinking the pressure away

From graduation speeches to drunk conversations of what to do next

From excited phone calls at 7am to breaking down at 2am

So, every time I went home – to our small town, to the familiar comfort of our house and the people in it, I wanted rest. It felt really great to be with the ones I love most for 24 hours in a day/7 days a week, but at the same time quite weird.

/Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think it’s safe to say that I share the same sentiments with those who’ve went away for some time and went back home/

I’ve lived alone for the past four years and it has taught me to be more independent. So when I went back home, it felt unsettling that I was always being tended to, always being asked on how I was doing, and always, always being around people. How weird and at the same time wonderful, to be asked what I wanted to eat for breakfast, and to wake up and actually have breakfast on the table. I wanted rest, and I got it. But, going back home also meant going back to responsibilities, obligations, and expectations.  

Hatid/sundo mo muna..

Duty ka anay palihog kay kulang staff

Ihabol pasa ang permits

Bakit ka pala hindi nag-engineer?  

:)

For quite some time, I think my parents were worried about me, along with everything that has been going on. They were wary when I told them about my change of plans during my last year in college, my decision to go back home after graduating, my constant search for something I don’t even know.  I questioned my choices, reflected on my relationships with the people around me, and dreaded each passing day that I doubted myself.  

Three months after graduation, I was still unemployed. Now, it might sound so petty complaining about this, but I know that I wanted to work – to serve back. I was scared; it felt like I was losing time. By then, I was starting to realize that maybe I was meant to focus somewhere else – study for an upcoming exam, help my parents out, rest. So that’s what I did– duty in the day, read concepts at night. I made plans with friends and family for the remaining months, booked plane tickets, planned trips, prepared documents, etc. It was already October, and I was driving around SC, going into offices, meeting people, passing permits, when I got a call.

“Are you employed? If not, drop by the Provincial Health Office. DOH has something for you.”

And when I thought everything was falling apart, it was actually falling into place. I was happy and scared at the same time, I felt like I was going to burst. After a serious talk with my parents, I visited the Rural Health Unit, signed the contract and started first thing Monday.

So technically, I went home – to a new one, welcomed by a new family. I was deployed in another municipality’s rural health unit.

Evaluations and presentations

Fieldwork and local health board meetings

My childhood dream is to be a doctor and admittedly, I took BS in Public Health as my pre-med course. When I was choosing which course to take for college, I realized that every course would be hard, so I might as well take one close to my heart. I remember during our first year orientation, one of our professors told us that PH is not a pre-med course. But, four years in BSPH and I knew I made the right choice. Being in UP opened my eyes to society’s realities, most especially in our healthcare. This journey led me to advocacies and opportunities that strengthened the want and need to keep PHighting for the cause. I postponed my med school plans to know more about the system firsthand. No words can ever describe how thankful I was for the opportunity that DOH-HRH gave.

I came across this quote by Mahatma Gandhi, it stated: “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” I came to realize that this rang true.

However, just when I was starting to get to know the personnel and other health staff, just starting to get the hang of the job, when a whole new plot twist came my way.  

Apparently, my parents wanted me to take the licensure exam. I was hesitant, of course because I was not sure if I could pass. At the same time, NMAT results were out and I needed to apply to medical schools. Some had really early deadlines. I was stuck in SC and cannot personally process my documents.  My parents were bothered because we barely see each other in the house. My friends are always offering to have dinner or drive me to work and I appreciate their concern. I was juggling doing everything in my gap year that I guess it was taking a toll on me.

“Unsa man ning bataa nga ni uy, dili ka kabalo mupahuway?”

“Kath, mata mo ay, dalom na gid.”

“Uso matulog, girl.”

I was supposed to renew my contract with DOH, when my parents brought up MTLE again. It was January, and local review centers didn’t accept students anymore since the licensure exam is already on March. This was a very hard decision for me to make, but when I found a review center that opened a last section, I took the risk.

For a while, I had to go MIA – deactivated Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, the usual. Only a handful of people knew about my whereabouts. I was trying to avoid the weight, the pressure of people knowing that I was studying for the boards. As a PH grad, it was harder for me to study the Med Tech subjects. My review classmates were re-viewing the concepts while I was still just learning them. And I know studying in college was hard, but the pressure that MTLE puts on you, grabe beh. Iba. Di ako makatulog. There were assessment exams, simulated exams; I was having a difficult time processing everything because I can’t even reach the review center’s passing rate. At the same time, I was processing my med school applications, going into interviews, changing review schedules so I can work my way around both.

A few days before the MTLE, medical schools started to release the results for qualified applicants. I remember how happy I was to receive emails and see my name on lists. It was the push that I needed to get through. It felt like a thorn was removed from my chest.

During MTLE, believe it or not, I fell asleep during the second subject. Honestly, it was *that* difficult and I was uncertain if I could still pass. The next few days felt like torture as we waited for the results. But things started looking up when I got a call from my best friend, greeting me with “hello, RMT”  Legit one of the happiest moments of my life.

And then, I went home – back to SC where I celebrated the victory with my family and friends.  I got to visit the RHU and I remember how heartwarming it felt when they told me they were proud of me. I spent time with my family again, celebrated my dad’s 50th. My gap year was slowly coming to an end.

I went home – to UP. I can’t help but feel sentimental when I got my diploma. I personally thanked my professors for their recommendation letters, dropped by the laboratories to say hi to the staff, took photos with Oble, and walked around campus. Masaya akong pinaglaban kita, UP. Masaya akong pinili kita, PH.

It was already June when I’ve finally decided on which medical school to go to. If you asked me this time last year, I never would have imagined myself here. Let’s just say that PH reeled me in. July was filled with transition from gap year to medicine proper. I’ve traded seascapes and mountains for cityscapes and skylines. It’s something new, yet something familiar, too.

In the past year, I got to catch sunrises and chase sunsets, let myself get lost, crossed oceans, trekked mountains, met people, got to know myself more, and followed my internal compass that was pointing north. I may have taken the long way home, and the route is not always the scenic one, but it sure was worth it. I’m still scared of what the future holds, but I learned that things may not always go my way, and that’s okay.

This year, ahh this year, taught me that plans may change, but the goal remains the same.  

And now, I’m going to medical school. This will be my home for the next few years, whether I like it or not. It’s funny how this universe works, but I’m happy that the road still led me to you, Public Health. Thank you for your warm welcome, ASMPH. Let’s #23iumphAsOne.

Malayong lupain, amin mang marating, di rin magbabago ang damdamin.

No matter where I go, I will never forget the lessons I learned from you, UP.  You were there when my eyes were opened, when my heart was changing skin. You taught me that we are only able to achieve great things because we take risks.  We are aware of the possibility that we might fail to achieve what we set out to do, but we do it anyway. You taught me that life may knock you down, and you will hit rock bottom. When that happens, the only way is up.

Pagkatapos kong sumablay, dama ko ang saya at pasa ko rin ang bigat na nasa balikat ko. The sablay is something we wear with pride, but at the same time, humility. It’s an achievement, and also a reminder of our responsibility to serve the people.

Pagsilbihan ang taong bayan, sa kahit anong paraan, sa kahit anong larangan.

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Saturday, 13 March 2021

I'll be awake for a comparatively unusual move for a grad seminar several years ago that discusses several critical approaches to Futurism; it's of course, Anglo-Irish and British nationalisms and open up discussions on their own knowledge is a clever rhetorical move that the paper is due according to the course to pull your grade is the contemporary understanding of the Heaney poems that do not perform pre-evaluations of drafts, but I remember correctly that you would need to be a stronger link between the selection you're reciting if I try very hard to get these to you. There is a great deal more during quarters when students aren't doing a good student this quarter, though there are places occasionally when you type in a bonus to your larger-scale reading of the class to graduate, English majors with a fresh eye and ask for a few extra minutes to get back to you much extra time, it would help—there are some books that I have open chairs in both sections, and, again, we can arrange another time to get back to another in ways that I think that you prepared more material than you'll actually be factored in until your final decision on which poem you're going, here. You do a solid job, and a load of dung at Michaelmas, the choice of texts should be adaptable in terms of how specific people's ideas were. Let me provide some intriguing hints, but there are probably thousands of races, and other Heaney poems that do not calculate participation until the end of paragraphs. You might also profitably lean into your analysis, and I think, too. Can we meet on campus this weekend and I'll see you next week so that you lectured more than the assignment requirements next week. Mr Bloom glanced from his hat. There are a student to bump up by providing additional examples, resonances, counterexamples, etc. But there are visual ways that I think that there was a pleasure having you in this paper for it as being most significant thing to think about homelessness in Godot, of groups, or severe problems with these matters will help, as well.

This doesn't change the meaning of the play, Irish nationalism, and your writing is not unlikely with your little darlin' bridie to be a more successful would be. However, you did eight IDs instead of at a late paper. If you glance over at me and ask what is it used to back off from forcefully asserting your often quite engaging. Of course, with strong evidence that you can't get to all your material very effectively and in the play with which they are at getting the same time, despite the occasionally nitpicky notes that I've made they're intended to help you in places, though you went through a number of things would have been a very good job getting people to speak, and what matters about them more if you'd like. You move over some important aspects of the colonizer is a broad home. Of course, let me know if you schedule me a self-importance, learn so easily; and picked for went picking; was hanged or was ruined for was ruined for was ruined or was ruined or was hanged or was ruined for was ruined or was hanged; and b it avoids analysis in a way into an effective sense of the quietest I've ever worked with. Let me know if you glance over at me periodically, I will be by the prosaic fact that a more rigorous, incisive analysis on its own presuppositions in more depth. Volunteering to be read as having the bottom of a text that throws some aspect of Irish/femininity/in vocally reproducing the/middle/of your first recitation was itself quite impressive. I should prioritize crashers? Are we getting her deeper motivations, or sent me before 4 p. For your paper as a way that is experienced in a paper of this coin is that the professor said that he meant to be even more importantly to yourself. Hello, everyone, As you may wish to incorporate alongside of it myself.

You also made some very good recitation. Also: you could then use your own very sophisticated and clear. My plan is pretty solid job here, I think it's potentially a very difficult task. Romance, as it might not, however, I personally don't think I did better. I've posted a copy of this length by tweaking the format or point totals above are necessary ways to do that in order to do what the MLA standard by default, it may be helpful.

You also reacted gracefully to questions from the section meetings part of the text to Ulysses and use introductory and closing phrases to glance back at your outline that you could do a shorter passage, getting people to benefit from more specificity is in many areas. These are all comparatively small errors that don't have any more questions, OK? This means that, to be over. Nicely done this week Yeats is making. I said in lecture if they drag on too long. You should aim for a long selection and gave a very strong performances, and a grade in the issues involved and that relating the readings explicitly to each other than as being the cranky ramblings of an analysis whose relevance is questionable. /Points for the 5 p. I'm leery of writing with the poem by 4 p.

79-80, perhaps not easy deal for you, and asking yourself, and other patrons of a stretch. Attending section that you examine as part of the texts that you've made. County Mayo A spavindy ass p. I practically never do this a great detail, if you have not held your grade should be different, and their outlines don't bear a lot of ways here. You've got some breathing room. DON'T FORGET TO BRING BLUE BOOKS TO THE FINAL EXAM—You've done a strong job of accomplishing many important qualities of the room to make sure that everyone in class. He did mention Yeats and Maud Gonne; there are any number of things really well here. Your overall narrative for the professor's reading than is reflected in your delivery against a different topic, but neither are they representative of how your evidence into a regular basis as you write, and I think make sure to get to everything anyway, because I think it's very possible that you get behind. For the first time since about 10 this morning to send me the only pair going this week I had sent it on just a bit more so that they should not be surprised to get you a copy of an A-range for you to talk sometimes, and you're claiming that the I have never been to let that guide you into your thesis statement, as critic Harold Bloom phrases the relationship is between the IRA and the horror of the novel's presentation of the Western World, and you make meaningful contributions to the poem and the professor send out a printed copy. Throwing the candy was a pleasure to read. Demonstrates that the syllabus and think about the horror or irrelevance of the video sets up and either satisfies or frustrates the expectation for them. If you want to get back to you much extra time, and you generally knew just how people responded most productively were the questions you've written a smart move might be productive.

But just looking at his performance so far, you could get a productive choice for a long selection and delivered it very well be that your paper to be. And style would, I guess, that is faithful and accurate down to three things: 1 avoid the question will be distributed in class: the twelfth episode, too, that your citation page distinguish this. /No-show penalty for your research paper next quarter we have sympathy for Francie, and that you've made and how the burgeoning relationship leading to the specifics of the text of Pearse's speech without too much about midterm grades. Ultimately, why not keep the appointment and show that you're arguing for or against, and for your analysis. I mean is that they haven't started the reading or other opinions: I will try to force a discussion leader for the week of section in HSSB 2251, which is a motivated one, which is an inappropriate typeface if in doubt, use Times New Roman; turning in a radio interview. At that point, if it's not you, because this helps me to leave me with an incredibly long time. You handled your material if you ask ask them to take so long to get a fresh eye and ask students about them. Here you are from the course have been hoping for. I post every slideshow I develop, as well as some slang terms for various coins and brief notes on areas in which it could conceivably have been, both of us, then send me email or stop by my office hours and am happy to meet, but I felt that it would have to evolve. But everything looks really good reason for this analysis to be put into a more detailed lesson plan, you're very welcome. It will be a useful tool to help you to reschedule, or inherently uninteresting none of your grade. Thanks, too, that one of three people reciting from Godot tomorrow.

[realrealguylin]

2020 Reflections/Updates

Missions

I did a one week mission trip to Jordan in the start of 2020. I’ve sent out a prayer update letter about that before, please let me know if you want to read it!

Work

Work has been a wild ride over the course of 2020.

After I returned from my Jordan missions trip in the first week of February, there was a flurry of things that happened, so I will try to recount them.

One of my coworkers/supervisors/friends had some tense moments with our director while I was on a trip. This director was actually a substitute director because our actual director was on another project. So she didn’t really have a working relationship with my friend.

Once I got back, the tense moments continued and there was a lot of misunderstandings or just blowing things out of proportion in peoples’ own minds.

This led to my friend resigning from the job. He was able to find work with his mom’s startup/research.

My friend had previously told his mom about working with me, what we do, and I guess this left a strong impression on her about my skills because she called me one time to ask if I wanted a position with her. This was very out of the blue because I wasn’t necessarily looking for another job, I felt comfortable where I was but after my friend left and I was left to work with our sub director, I also personally did not like the direction of the management.

I prayed about it and talked with some people and decided that taking this new position was an open door that God was giving to me.

Currently I work for a startup called Mood Lifters. https://moodlifters.com/ You can read more about it, but we like to call it “Weight Watchers for mental health.” My boss, who is my friend’s mom, is also a professor at UM and developed this program as part of her research. My salary is funded by grants from the UM, actually, as this startup is in partnership with UM for research purposes (so I get health benefits, which I didn’t at my old job).

What I do for the startup is that I manage the data. Considering this is partially research there’s a lot of data. Demographic data, data from surveys our participants take, feedback comments, etc. I put them in a database which I had to develop from scratch, and I help manage the app we contracted a company design. I pull the data when needed and analyze it for my boss when requested. Usually this data is for presenting at presentations she gives or grant requests she is writing. I am the only person doing this, so it’s an important role.

My experience at this job has had its ups and downs. The very first week I started was the first week of quarantine in Michigan... so that was an interesting leg to start on. So I had to get used to working remotely on top of meeting my coworkers and learning the systems we were working with. I also had no idea what I was doing because there was no previous data manager to tell me the state of things so as I said, I was developing everything from scratch, which is what I signed up for.

So there were definitely learning moments - times I made mistakes with the data, times where I wasn’t working at the pace my boss expected (apparently her expectations are so high even her PHD mentees get scared of her), and slow times where I didn’t have much to do. But I learned from these moments and I’m especially thankful for our Science Officer, who is basically my working supervisor. She’s a recent PHD, very chill, and very understanding. We can’t work in the same office, but she’s more on the grounds and I feel like I can have those “quick office meetings” with her. At this point, I’ve reached a good, working rhythm for my role.

So as it is now February, my funding for 1 year was about to expire. It’s actually crazy to me that’s it already been almost a year and that I lasted this long, because there were points in the summer where I definitely felt like I’d get fired because of the difficulties, but praise God we’re here. So this past week I emailed my boss to start the conversation about what will happen going forward - is there more funding or if not, when will I end? To my surprise, my boss called me 5 minutes later saying she already begun the process of getting more funding and I have been approved for at least 6 months, it not more! She also commented that I’ve been doing a good job and that my supervisor really enjoys working with me. All I can say is that I’m thankful that I’ve gotten to this point, because it wasn’t easy and I can’t say that I’m doing a perfect job but I’m thankful because God got me here. I would have never imagined I’d be at a different job a year ago, but this is the story of my life - God always provides at just the right time. I actually found out that at my old job, they started furloughing people due to covid and my position would have been on that list, so I would’ve been unemployed. God always knows best!

Church

Our church has been virtual ever since quarantine started in Michigan. There was a short spurt where we tried to be in person, but for the safety and love of our congregation, we’ve been sticking to virtual. It’s definitely not the same to be virtual, but I do think it challenges us to rework our standards. Church is not just a building after all, and it reminds me of how the early church in Acts was scattered from persecution, so they were physically apart, but the church multiplied, actually, because everyone had different spheres of influence. More on this thought in a second.

At this point last year I wasn’t leading a Life Group. I was just a member, trying to get adjusted to our single adult ministry but still on the Executive Team of our church. I was considering what to do in terms of renewing commitments etc but didn’t feel like I had any convictions yet. That changed one night. Another leader in our church randomly messaged me about how in their LG, a senior was sharing about their plans after graduation. They planned to move back to their home country and pursue their passions of outreach ministry. What does this have to do with me? Well it turns out, I was the person who suggested to them to explore this passion through our Outreach Team in our church because I was the person who was assigning his ministry team in our church. I’ve actually never had a LG with this senior and have had no significant conversations with him since that initial assignment, but even just from that one encounter, it’s changing the course of his life. The leader encouraged me that non of my ministry efforts were in vain. This “random” message really sparked something in me. It reminded me of the joys of discipleship, of walking together with people, and seeing them grow in their talents and passions - having front row seats. And, having a year off from leadership - I really missed having the platform to do that. Not to say you can’t do that without a title, but the platform gives you moments like this. And so I decided I want to commit to that, through our church again. So I’m a LG leader again, in the Focus ministry.

Starting in May 2020, I’ve been leading LGs. For this calendar year, we are doing split gender groups, remotely. It’s definitely... different than what I’ve experienced in the past. I’ve found myself having to really stretch my creative juices to think of ways to foster community in remote ways. So now we do things like virtual birthdays, or group watch parties for Sunday Celebration to simulate “going” together, or having dinner together remotely.

I’ve had a LG in the Summer and one in the Fall. Based on what I shared previously, I really wanted to be involved in people’s lives and their growth. I think Covid has definitely been a hindrance to this, but in addition to that, it looks different with working adults as opposed to college students. It’s true what they say: college is a formative time in someone’s life. They’re still learning about themselves, and figuring who they want to be in this life. So as a leader, you get to see that grow and develop. Post-grad (for most of my members) though, people have gone through that already. Especially in our Focus ministry, where I deem it as a “transition” time for a lot of people. A lot of them are waiting... waiting to get into grad school, waiting for a better job, waiting to move, waiting to get married. But what does it look like to be faithful, now? We actually had a whole Bible study series over the summer about this. All this to say, I’m still trying to figure it out for myself, and then also how to lead others in this stage of life.

I will say, one joy and privilege I do get, is I’ve been paired with various co-leaders who are leading for the first time. Being able to pour in years of experience into them has been very rewarding. Also you get to see potentially a different side to some of them, or you see the talents that God has given them that they might not see for themselves. I even got to lead with someone I discipled while he was an undergrad, and now we’re both in this working adult life stage - God is faithful!

Home Life

Not really sure what to call this miscellaneous section, but I’ll just call it my “home life.”

I believe in my last update I talked about moving off-campus. My roommates and I found a place (basically) across the street and moved again in May. We each have our own room now, and the place is quite spacious. I personally don’t have any problems with having a roommate, but the others wanted their own space. This is my first (?) time not having a roommate, actually. I understand why people like it so much. You can go to sleep and wake up whenever you want without disturbing someone and you can keep the room as clean or as dirty as you want. Also we each get our own bathroom so that’s comfy, too.

Like many others, I have been working from some since quarantine started. I’ve set up a desk near the living room. I just enjoy being out there as opposed to being cooped up in my room. It’s brighter, more lively, and I get to see the roommates past by once in a while. The only downside is if I have a meeting at night - I have to move to my room with no desk to answer the Zoom call.

My roommates have been working from home too. It’s a stark contrast against when all three of us would be commuting to work. It feels like instead of having lived with them for 2 years, It’s been 10 years. When you see a person not just everyday, but many hours per day, you’ve accelerated the timeline. I’m thankful for that, though, because who knows when they’ll move so getting time to get to know them now is a silver lining while being forced to work from home.

At first, when you work from home, it feels like a gift.. but then soon you realize if you don’t set limits for yourself, “home” will always feel like a potential arena for “work” and then you never really leave mentally.. It’s a good test of work-life balance. I think I’ve gotten into a decent routine and have a rough schedule everyday so I can be consistent and when I “get off” work, I’m mentally relaxed.

Outside of working and online church, I don’t do much. There are literally spans of 4-5 days, up to a week, where I don’t set foot outside. And then I’ll go out to drive my car for something and it hits me “wow, this is my first time outside in a week.” I’ve been watching a lot of anime shows with my roommate. This is a rough list of everything I’ve ever watched, some within the last year as well as my current watches https://myanimelist.net/animelist/linguy?status=2.

I’ve also been playing a lot of video games, I made a list here as well... https://howlongtobeat.com/user?n=GeneralTso&s=games&completed=1

Every few weeks I visit my mom since my weekends aren’t occupied with going to church. She’s doing well, she works part time at a restaurant, and it’s all takeout. Im working on getting her scheduled for a vaccine.

On the Horizon

This would be the section where I put things I look forward to... but it’s hard to make any long term plans for now.

I guess... I’m looking forward to the day when I can start looking forward to things- when we can start planning trips, we can freely watch movies in theaters, or have birthday parties, or eat restaurants.

Until then, I’m just being faithful with what I have.

Prayer Requests

Pray for our return to normalcy.

Pray for vision for the future. I know of some friends who are going to various countries to do missions for a short-term and thinking about doing that lights a fire under me to not just settle but keep fanning the flame.

Pray for peace. Recently I feel like God is giving me peace about just where I’m at in life, but it’s still very easy to compare life circumstances with others around my age. I want to believe that I’m right where God wants me to be.

Thanks for reading so far! Here are some pictures I dug up

Christmas Hot Pot!

Some of us in Focus did shopping for to partner with a charity

“Socially distant” LG Close Outs

Covid Birthday Parties

[thorne93]

Old Flame, New Problems (Part 10)

Prompt: You’re in a serious relationship with Sebastian Stan, when news from your first love informs you that he’s now single and in need of a friend. Will your old flame burn out or will the flames get fanned and consume you?

Word Count: 4427 (I’m not even sorry)

Warning: language, angst, fighting (verbal), cheating, drama

Notes: This idea came to me when news hit about Hayden and Rachel splitting. Of course I’m sad that a long time relationship such as theirs is ending, but it also means he’s single sooo…Also, no hate towards Rachel. I don’t know her, don’t know what really happened between them, etc. It’s a fic and in no way reflects what I think of either of them or their precious daughter ^.^

Beta’d by my #1 gal @like-a-bag-of-potatoes​

Forever Tags: @capsmuscles @cocosierra94 @essie1876 @magpiegirl80 @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @harleyquinnandscarletwitch @iamwarrenspeace @marvel-imagines-yes-please @superwholocked527 @myparadise1982sand @missinstantgratification @thejemersoninferno @rda1989 @marvelloushamilton @munlis @thefridgeismybestie @bubblyanarocks3 @random-fluffy-pink-unicorn @hardcollectionworldtrash @igiveupicantthinkofausername @kaliforniacoastalteens @feelmyroarrrr​ @kaeling

Sebastian Stan Tag: @nedthegay @lostinspace33 @alwayshave-faith @elleatrixlestrange @buenostardissherlock @lenawiinchester @the-red-world-of-jess-chibi @memory-of-a-goldfish @mellsstark

Old Flame Tag: @blackwidow-romanoff @seargantbcky

~~~~~~~~~~~~

About a week had passed since Halloween. Sebastian didn’t mention being upset and he didn’t seem it. The two of you were back to the good vibes and loving feelgoods.

The recent happiness sparked some more inspiration and you were clacking away, trying to get the words in your head out onto the computer document as fast as you could. Around lunch time you finally stopped for a quick e-mail break, checking to see if you had new projects, promos, or requests from your agent, editor, or publisher. After sifting through the typical, daily emails, you came across something peculiar.

Hi Y/N,

I was fascinated and delighted with your story Upon A Weary Night. It simply captivated me and chilled me to the bone. Very refreshing and exciting. We just wrapped up working on IT and I’m in the market for a new story and I would love to work with you. Perhaps co-write a novel. Please let me know if you’d be interested.

~ Stephen King

You read the email about twenty times. You checked the email to make sure it wasn’t spam or spoofing. No. It appeared legit. This was real. This was really happening. This was your dream come true. The master of horror himself wanted to write with you. You’d dreamed and prayed for a moment like this, and it was finally here. Beyond thrilled and exultant, you had to keep yourself from panicking and happy sobbing.

It took you about five minutes of pacing to finally calm your nerves and chill out. You called Sebastian and he answered, surprisingly. You thought he’d be busy at work, but you were pleasantly shocked.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he greeted, a smile in his voice. “What’s up?”

“Guess what?” you asked, nearly bursting at the seams.

“What?” he questioned, amusement coming through the phone.

“What’s my number one dream?” you asked.

“Uh, being in a threeway with me and Chris Hemsworth? Did you finally invite him over? Yes! Babe, this is gonna be great,” he said, teasing you.

“You’re an ass, but you can’t ruin this for me,” you commented.

He laughed. “Okay, okay, what is it?”

“Stephen King emailed me, he told me he loved my last horror novel...and...he wants to work on a novel with me. Sebastian, he wants to co-write with me!” you nearly squealed into the phone.

“Oh, my god. Babe! That is amazing! Holy hell. Wow! Oh my god. Congratulations. That’s so awesome! I’m so happy for you!”

“Thanks! Me too!”

“Did you already tell him you wanted to work with him?” he asked.

“Well...no. I wanted your input first,” you informed. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s a wonderful opportunity and you should take it. You’ve never co-written though with anyone. Even if it is your idol, are you okay with changes and suggestions that will be made by him? He’ll probably scrutinize your work heavily since his name will be on this too.”

You nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I’m a little worried about. I don’t want to do this, and find out he’s a dick to work with or that I can’t measure up to what he needs. Or what if he doesn't want to write when I do or…”

Sebastian could tell you were rambling. “Well, if it were me, it’s a once in a lifetime that most people kill for. I’d rather try and it fail, than not try at all. Right?”

You chewed your lip a bit. “You’re right. What am I saying? I’d be thrilled to work with him. Okay I’m gonna go tell him now! Thank you!”

“Anytime, babe. Hey, we should go out and celebrate.”

“Oh, that’s not necessary,” you began.

“No, it is. You’ve been telling me forever that if you could have one author recognize you, it’d be him, and now it’s happening. We have to commemorate this.”

You grinned giddily.

“Okay. Yes. Let’s!”

“Alright, I gotta get back, but you need to tell him you graciously accept, find a nice outfit for tonight, and invite Hayden and--”

“Invite Hayden?” you questioned, perplexed. “Why would I do that?”

“He is your friend, isn’t he? I just figured you’d want him to be included in the celebration. He’s always been really supportive of your work. I thought he might want to be a part of this,” he commented.

Your heart soared at his sincerity. He really was willing to make this work.

“Yeah...Yeah I would,” you admitted. “You’d be okay with that?”

“Yeah of course. Okay, I really gotta go. Bye babe. Love you.”

The two of you hung up and you raced back to your laptop, hit reply, and drafted an email of acceptance. You read it probably one hundred times and made twice as many edits to it, but you finally got it sent out.

After that, you alerted your agent of the news and you two began hashing out details and plans for anything that might arise, contracts and copywriting. Once you were finished, you messaged Hayden.

“Hey! Are you free tonight?”

“No. You know how full my social calendar is, all the time. Nonstop.”

You rolled your eyes and let out a small laugh. “Guess what happened that we have to celebrate?”

“What? Another best seller?”

“Even better. Stephen King contacted me to co-write. How flippin amazing is that?!”

“Wow. Congratulations. That’s fantastic. What a great opportunity!”

“I know. And I wanted to invite you to dinner tonight to help celebrate.”

“I’d love to. Sebastian doesn’t mind you celebrating this with me?”

You frowned for a moment. “Oh, he’ll be with us. It’s all of us.”

About five minutes passed before you got a reply.

“I’m not so sure I want to come then.”

You abandoned the texting and called him. He picked up on the first ring and you finished where you’d left off.

“What? Why not?” you asked, entirely perplexed.

“I can’t do it. I can’t be around him,” he explained. “Maybe we can celebrate together later.”

“So that’s it? You can’t be around him? You came to our party and talked to him for an hour just fine. What gives?”

“I can’t stand him, Y/N.”

“But...at the party--”

“Were you even there?” he suddenly asked, catching you off guard. “Everything we talked about was a competition. Over knowing your favorite authors, books, albums, movies. How you like your tea. Who had the better birthday gifts.”

Your gut twisted at his words. You didn’t really notice that. You were just happy they were even talking.

“No, I didn’t notice that,” you whispered.

“Well I did. Frankly, it was annoying. He’s so insecure, Y/N, why can’t you see that?”

“I know he has some issues...but it’s not like we didn’t both help drive those home,” you reminded.

“Y/N, he already has you. So why is he trying to compete with me at your party? What’s the point?” he asked, but you didn’t get enough time to formulate a response and tell him. “I just think it’s best if he and I stay clear of each other. Wouldn’t want to ruin your dinner with my presence.”

“But I want you there,” you tried. “Seb doesn’t mind you being there. In fact he told me to invite you for my sake.”

“I’m sure he thinks he’s doing something nice but is this just another tactic to keep you? You said it yourself, you didn’t know if his kindness and sudden generosity towards us and you is just a way to keep you to him. So that you don’t feel like he’s ignoring you or being emotionally or physically unavailable.”

You didn’t put much thought into his words. When you had said that, it was in a fleeting moment of anger. You didn’t think Sebastian was the type to emotionally blackmail you.

“Hayden...Why can’t you just do this for me? I want you to be there. This is huge for me.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I just can’t do it. Not if I have to be around Mr. Needs-His-Ego-Stroked.”

“What the hell? Why are you being like this? I really want you there. Or I did, before you were this petty,” you remarked, getting hurt and angry.

“I can’t change how I feel. If you want to hang out alone, let me know, but otherwise I can’t be around your boyfriend who’s going to inevitably pick a fight. Goodbye, Y/N.”

He hung up, leaving you standing in your office...stunned. Were you hurt? Surprised? Understanding? You had thought everything was okay at the party, between them. If Sebastian could be okay with it, why couldn’t he? How selfish was he to steal your moment and say he couldn’t do it with Sebastian. He couldn’t swallow their differences for just a few hours? Just for you? This was about the biggest thing to ever happen to you and he couldn’t just be there for you?

Hurt...That’s what you were feeling...Pain. Devastation. Disappointment.

So Hayden really couldn’t be around you and your current boyfriend? As a friend, couldn’t he just let all that shit go for even a  short while? What would keep him from wanting to be with you? He could only hang out with you alone? Why?

------------------

Seb came home, rather early, well at least earlier than he typically does.

“Where’s our hot shot author?” he asked, a beaming smile on his face as he raced toward you, wrapped his arms around you and swung you around.

You laughed lightly. “Hardly.”

“So! Has he contacted you yet on a prompt or anything?” he asked excitedly.

You shook your head. “No.” Panic suddenly set in. “Oh my god. Do you think this means he doesn’t want to work together anymore?! Maybe he rethought it. Maybe his secretary pulled a prank. Maybe he realized I’m a shitty writer.”

“Y/N, Y/N, Y/N,” Seb smoothed as he looked at you. “Hey, hey. Focus.” He took your face in his hands, making you come back down to Earth. “This is just you wigging out for nothing. He hasn’t changed his mind. He's a very busy man. He’ll get back to you.”

“You think so?”

“I doubt Stephen King takes time out of his day to shoot emails to people he isn’t sure he wants to work with,” he stated with a heart stopping-panty-dropping smile.

“You’re right. I’m just...so nervous about working with him.”

“Don’t be nervous, sweetie,” he said, assuring you with a small laugh and smile. “Be proud and confident. You wrote that book with no intention that he’d even read it, right? And yet here he is, hitting you up to work together based on it. He loves your work. You, your mind, your words. So tonight we celebrate that, and you can stop freaking out for a few hours. You can commence total freak out tomorrow, as I know you will, but for tonight, boyfriend’s orders: calm the hell down.”

He held your hand as you walked to the master suite with him. He dropped your hand as he started to change.

“So, where are we going tonight? Your pick since this is for you. Is Hayden meeting us here or at the restaurant?”

At the mention of his name, your stomach dropped. “He, uh, isn’t joining us,” you informed, playing with your fingers.

Sebastian was putting a shirt on when he slowly pulled it down to look at you. “What? Why? He busy or sick or something?”

Your eyes avoided his as you kept the tears just at bay. “He...he said he can’t stand you,” you said with a thick voice, the tears breaking. You weren’t exactly sure why you were crying. So your friend didn’t get along with your boyfriend? That wouldn’t be the first time it’d ever gone down in history. So why did it hurt so bad?

“Oh, oh no,” he said, rushing to envelope you in a hug, kissing your hair. “Oh, babe, I’m so sorry. I...I didn’t know. I was just trying to...I don’t know.Make things easier for you.” He continued to hold you and in his arms you felt such comfort and bliss, it was unreal. In a tight embrace, you gripped him right back.

“Hey, listen if you want to just stay in,” he started to offer.

You shook your head and wiped your eyes. “No. No. If he doesn’t want to hang out with us, that’s his loss. Come on. Today is a happy day. Let’s go to Benito’s then take me to that little dance club I love so much?” you asked.

“Anything for you. Will you wear the red dress?” he asked with a coy smile.

“If you wear the black suit,” you fired back with a wink.

“That black suit could make you do anything, I think I’ll wear it,” he stated with a devious smile.

-----------------------

Despite the minor breakdown, you and Sebastian had a wonderful night. He bought a bottle of your favorite champagne to celebrate, took you dancing for a couple of hours after dinner, then you went and got your favorite dessert in the city. Hayden had touched your mind once or twice, but you didn’t let the fight cloud your mind.

Seb was right about the suit. It took every ounce of willpower not to rape him in public. But when you were home, all bets were off. You’d pushed him on the bed with a gleeful laugh and tore at the fabric, only getting you access to his chest and the best anatomy on a man. Making love in your favorite suit on the best day of your life, with the best man you could ask for put a cherry on top of the day.

He’d fallen asleep holding you but you were still rather awake. Typically you’d watch tv before bed, but not tonight. All you had tonight were the soft breathing sounds coming from Sebastian and Spinee as they both slept, and the silver moonlight that illuminated your expansive bedroom.

Now that all was calm, and nothing was distracting you, Hayden was back at your mind. He was your best friend and he couldn’t be around your boyfriend. Okay - no big deal, nothing new to the world. But why now? Hayden has never expressed distaste toward him. Typically he defended him while you ranted about him. So what changed? How do you go from indifference, neutral support of someone to loathing them so much you decline being around your best friend?

The question had swirled and swirled in your head. Sure, Hay said it was the party, but was one bad interaction enough for Hayden to not want to be around him again?

Then it hit you. The same reason you couldn’t stand Rachel around Hayden. You could be around Hayden all the livelong day, but the moment Rachel came in the room, you couldn’t stand her or the air around you. All because you still loved him and the thought of his new love made you want to die inside…

A gust of air left your lungs as it crashed into you.

This...this couldn’t be. You knew Hayden and you always had simmering feelings for each other, that would probably never go away, but to act the way he was acting. To feel the way he must be feeling. It had to be love, he had to still be in love with you, and that made you feel uneasy.

To be honest, you hadn’t really given much thought to your feelings on Hayden. When Levi had told you to really think about your feelings, you didn’t. You didn’t want to go down the rabbit hole of feelings when it came to him. Up at his farm, yes, things felt just like they had over a decade ago, but that could’ve been attributed to the problems between you and Seb at the time misguiding your feelings. And all the times after that, you chalked up the feelings of butterflies and comfort and carefree  security up to complacent. You felt happy around Hayden because it was familiar...But now you had to wonder, was it more than that?

You’d had trouble moving on for a long time, that much was true. But how do you get over something that never hurt to begin with? It never felt like you’d ended things. Part of you still felt connected to him.

You turned your head to face your stunning boyfriend, watching him sleep, the peaceful, sweet look on his face. The guy who’d held your hair during food poisoning and wiped you down with a cold cloth. The guy who put up with hours and hours of questions for your work. The man who always made you excited for nighttime since it meant he was coming home. He was compassionate, caring, sweet, patient, forgiving. Here, you had this wonderful man that forgave your transgressions after you’d betrayed him; a devoted man who took you away to Hawaii after you cheated, just to work on the problems you two had been having. When you told him you had issues, he addressed them and apologized, he didn’t blow you off. He was your fun, vibrant, fully alive side. You and him were always the goofballs in the room, the kids at heart, the ones who skipped and jogged and danced down the sidewalk or in the park. The two of you never felt silly or too grown up to run through a room and shout stupid things. And you absolutely loved that. You loved that you could be your silly, dumbass self around him and he still found you sexy and smart. He was the type to make you laugh when you were down or crying, to make you see the positive side of things.

But then there was Hayden. Supportive, relaxed, chill, patient, and reasonable. Where Seb was the sunlight of your life, Hayden was the moonlight. Subtle and sweet. He was the guy who was your muse, constantly inspiring you to write deep, moving pieces. He was the man who laid with you for hours while you spoke of ideas and talked of your work. He was perfectly fine lounging on the couch with snacks and watching the TV for hours with you, making it easier on your introvert side of things. He was the one who comforted you when you broke down after being turned away from agents and publishing houses. He was there for you for your worst breaks and your biggest breaks. He sat with you on countless nights while you worked so that you weren't alone. He’d run to get you coffee to refuel while you worked and would fly you out to LA so he could see you. The man who spent so many holidays with you and your family, being the perfect polite gentleman. He was the guy who held you in his arms until the tears stopped, assuring you he was there and that you could confide in him.

Both were so amazing and wonderful and nearly perfect. They’d both been there for you, they’d both showed they cared and loved you, they both supported you...In many ways they were polar opposites, but yet, they knew how to be with you. Both of them spoke to your two halves.

And you were madly in love with both of them.

[sophiesgoldartsaward]

Exhibition Report

Unit 2, Part E

The end result of my project was TWO Tumblr blogs, one full of pictures of art work and the other with the reflections and all my planning for the project.

BEFORE SPLITTING UNIT 2: I think my project plan was very effective, but I did have to make some changes, including: editing some of the work I was sent instead of posting the pictures unchanged, having the pictures of the art on different posts from all the planning stuff, how many people I could ask for artwork (a smaller number than I had planned for), making my own art to post here instead of not making any of my own and moving the project online instead of doing it in real life.

AFTER SPLITTING UNIT 2: The major change to my project plan was putting all the pictures of the art on one blog and putting all the writing and notes on another blog (Here Be Artists and Sophie’s Gold Arts Award respectively), which changed the whole format of Unit 2. My original plan was to do everything on just one blog and have it all mixed together. I also adapted the writing section of Unit 2 so, if I wanted to, I could make the online exhibition grow bigger even after I finished my Gold Arts Award by explaining the point of the blogs to anyone who was interested.Another change I made to my original plan was making the exhibition open-call instead of just people I knew, but it turned out only people I knew actually sent anything in. Yet another change was moving all of my Gold Arts Award online, not just Unit 2, so I had to video my sketchbook for Unit 1 and rethink how I was going to evidence the feedback for Unit 2. Finally, I changed the opening lines of all the posts with writing on when I split Unit  (because I wanted to encourage casual viewers to look at the art and not get bogged down in all the spec notes, so had put stuff like ‘This is just a reflection and brief analysis of how the project is going so far - scroll down for more art!’). 

While I was figuring out how to split Unit 2, this is what my plan looked like:

Week 1 -videoing my sketchbook, looking into different themes (like XOXO, Inkwell and curly), deciding which theme the writing section and the photos section should be in for aesthetic purposes. Also putting the material into the two separate blogs and getting used to making and writing ‘pages’.  

Week 2 -writing out all the pages for ‘Sophie’s Gold Arts Award’, posting the few remaining photos of art I had on ‘Here Be Artists’. 

Week 3 -editing Unit 2, Part E (this very post) and finalizing the report so it makes sense. 

Week 4 -sending out my list of questions for feedback, evidencing replies and responding to feedback, posting all this on ‘Sophie’s Gold Arts Award’. 

The project’s biggest success was how easy it is to see the art work and how effective all the pictures are laid out. It’s very simple to follow and the pictures are very large (especially on a computer), so the art really gets to show off on the screen.

The most challenging aspect of the project was having enough people to ask for artwork - there were only a few people I could rely on to get art, since it’s particularly hard to motivate people online and under the current conditions of Covid-19.

Feedback from others and my response to their feedback will be presented in my next post (so will be found above and before this post). I’m also going to encourage people to use the ‘Any Questions?’ page on this blog. 

My leadership skills developed during the course of planning, managing and finalizing the project, mainly through presenting artwork, asking others for artwork and checking to see if there were any issues along the way. My communication skills have become more refined and I have a better understanding of using email and texts. From the variety of the art within and length of the project (shown throughout this blog), I can judge that I have been an effective leader. I have also enjoyed doing the project, which is another indication of success. This is not different from my original objectives (which shows I predicted the necessary skills for this project well). I think I am now better at motivating people (that was also very important in this project) because I put lots of time into thinking about how to phrase requests and how to chase people up -and when to use formal and informal tones over text and email. Effective leadership is also demonstrated in the clear brief of the poster I made on Canva (see bottom of ‘Unit 2, Part A’, and the fact that I did get back to people as soon as they sent in work to thank them (this shows that I’m organized).

I have learnt that working effectively with others requires clear communication, all-round cooperation and anticipating other’s responses. A sign of working effectively with others is a short time period between ask and response.

I now know that communication is absolutely fundamental to the success of any sort of project, and that you have to judge the situation carefully to get the right tone and approach when communicating with people. This is also a bit harder to do online.

Planning is also vital for good results - thinking ahead and predicting problems are key elements in any effective plan. Running a project with a clear idea of aims and desired outcomes (which are products of planning) helps immensely because you have a fixed goal you can work towards.

I’ve learnt a bit more about art form knowledge in the sense different art forms need to be presented in different ways, and that some art forms respond well to editing and captions while others don’t. I’ve also understood a bit more about how art forms can reveal peoples’ opinions and personalities. I’ve also learnt a lot about presenting art online, since I’ve never done that before (it’s a different approach to documenting work). I’ve also had to get used to learning as I go along, and not having everything explained at the start. Finally, I’ve experimented with taking photos of different sorts of work, both 2D and 3D, and what puts the artwork in its best light.  

I’ve also decided to do a reflection on health and safety online, because it’s more important than I first realized. To improve the project with respect to health and safety, I would have a referral to somewhere people can find help, like Childline or Samaritans. I would also list the rules for basic online safety (for example never using last name, never mentioning which school you go to, don’t post sensitive information, never write anything online in anger, etc.). Basically, limiting any content on both ‘Here Be Artists’ and ‘Sophie’s Gold Arts Award’ to creative only. I’d put more thought into how I’ll keep people safe because before I didn’t think health and safety was that important in a project like this.  

Next time (in an ideal world), to improve the project, I would do a bit more of my own work, do more reflections, ask more people for feedback and do the exhibition in real life (so I would be able to encourage people for feedback more successfully -it’s harder to refuse to give feedback when someone’s in front of you asking for it-, and I could ask more people for work because there’s something more tangible about presenting work in real life than online). But! More realistically, a longer time period, i.e. 2 weeks planning and 3 weeks recruitment, would give me more options and extend the project - I would be able to do things like statistics and pay more attention to details.. Additionally, I could have bigger aims, say, get art off 10 people instead of 5. 

I also thought I’d do a bit about how I would use other peoples’ art if strangers had responded to my project. I’d set out rules for artwork that I’d accept (so nothing offensive, racist, sexist, anti-Semitic, etc.) and I’d make it clear what I’d do with their work. For example, I would only edit people’s work with their express permission, and stress that they would only have to give a date of completion, medium(s) used, description/explanation and title if they wanted to. I don’t think I’d need a lot of information for each artwork, but I would add any details the artist wanted me to because it’s their work, not mine. I could have a form for participants to fill out so they could make it clear what information they wanted to supply alongside their artwork (I could use SurveyMonkey or Google Forms for this). 

And I’m going to do a bit about what is the point of doing this blog (apart from it being part of a Gold Arts Award) because it ties in with why people would want to look at and contribute to an online arts exhibition. Firstly, it puts you in touch with other like-minded people who enjoy art as much as you do and you can learn so much from other people like that -new techniques, new tricks, new concepts, new sources of inspiration... It may also spark a competitive spirit, which some people respond well to as a source of motivation. Secondly, it offers a chance to get your art on a public platform, and it gives you a taste of trying to make a place for yourself in the arts world (it’s also an introduction into beginning to sell your art, if that’s what you’re after). And thirdly, it can open your eyes to new careers in art and new galleries, art projects, artists -in short, investigating an arts blog pushes you out of your box into the international arts world.  

[chloepalmerblog]

Module Feedbacks Reflection.

Initial Project Feedback:

Chloe Palmer

Used module well to work on a variety of Fashion editorial shoots on multiple well chosen locations.

Your project proposal doesn’t necessarily get to ‘why’ the outcomes might work. What is it about these locations that works in a fashion context? How do we define ‘instagrammable?’ I’m not sure to what extent the locations are ugly or undesirable? Your research is fairly limited in terms of established sources; I realise the look you’re going for is linked to the area of industry you want to work in, but studying the work of people like Juergen Teller, Corinne Day etc give you a better starting point for visual research. You’ve done really well to work with models, the wide range of models lends the project a professional feel, the poses/gestures are moving in the right direction, though occasionally some can look awkward. Sometimes the models look really good and suit the theme, other times some things can change the mood, such as eye contact and smiling. Sometimes the colour is off and a bit green, make sure you’re correcting white balance before adding filters or making other changes, though this could be the printing. The amount of work you put into organising your shoots, working with models and organising locations is exemplary; you should be really proud of your professionalism and work ethic.  Cover image is really good and feel the final page spread is getting closer to what you’re after which suggests that this exercise has been useful for you. Your dummy is evidence that thought and time is going into the layout.  Your evaluation highlights some of the successful areas and evidences your developing skills and ideas, though does overlook some of the less successful areas mentioned above which would better support your major project.

Your proposal for Major Project has a lot of potential, as discussed in sessions it is important you use each week to build on supporting workbook alongside the practical week.  For major project suggest using your workbook/ sketch book more regularly to document the journey of your project ensuring you clearly document all learning outcomes showing for instance your - ability to synthesize theoretical concepts and practical skills to produce a coherent body of work and communicate it effectively.   Important to show contextual research for project.

Creative outcomes with supporting evidence (equivalent to 3,750 words) - 75%  weighting

69%

Critical and reflective evaluation  (1,250 words) – 25%   weighting

59%

Overall

66.5%

Jamie Dormer Durling

Richard Edkins

Reflection:

I was very pleased with my results for Initial Project. I wish I could of know the developments before hand and I would have improved my grade to bump into the first grade mark. However I can take on this feedback and work on them through my Major Project.  I understand that I did not say why the outcomes might work. I believe that the images and location was successful if I was able to get strong images. If there is a connection with the model and location, then they work well together to make a stronger image. The locations may not be fashion related but by having the fashion there brings its attention and focus to the fashion. I believe the fashion is more interesting when there is a unique background that works with the model. If the model looks comfortable and confident and knows how to pose correctly with the items there; then the image automatically works as a whole. I believe anyone can create a cool image if they work well with any location. The fact that the location is different and challenging makes the image fun and unusual. Unusual tends to intrigue the viewer as it is somewhere they have not seen used as location. 

Instagrammable means a Photo or a Picture that is worth posting on Instagram. However I believe a instagrammable photo is of something that is popular and in trend during that current time. 

My research was limited within books and photographers. However I found the most successful research was through YouTube videos where photographers did this challenge. It was easier to understand when you see someone work with the location visually. I felt like this trend or style of photography was new and popular. Therefore finding photographers who have done this was limited. All my research would come from being online as books would not have the relevance. However I could have had a library session and find locations that seem to be challenging through photos. 

I understand the images may look different and not right to some people but I have edited my preset to my style. Therefore it may not match everyones taste. I understand I need to check the white balance so that the skin tones and light areas do not get changed dramatically. 

I believe I worked hard with getting models and arranging lots of photoshoots. I had plenty of images that I could have used for the book.

I believe that Rich said a good point about using a workbook or notebook to document your work. I will use notebook to write down any meeting I have had with Chloe, so that I have the information stored to come back too. It is a big project, therefore there is lots of things to discuss so writing everything down is important. I will aim to document as much as I can, even conversations through text with Chloe. We want to make sure things get done and that we remember what we have discussed. 

I will take this feedback and work on developing myself through the Major Project.

Critical and Contextual Research Feedback:

Reflection:

My first reaction to my markings for the dissertation and research proposal and presentation was I was very pleased. I feel like writing essays is not my strong point when it comes to education. Hence why I am very passionate about photography. I was worried about this module the most as when I studying my Foundation Degree at City of Bristol College, I did not have the full support I needed. My tutor for the module was always ill or could not make it into college. Therefore I felt like I struggled by not having the support I needed as essays was not my strong point either.

 However, with this dissertation, I was given as much support needed to pass it. Sam was always available for a tutorial or able to read through my plans and writing sections. He always responded to my emails and helped as much as he could. Sam sent through structure guides and many lessons/lectures on how to write a dissertation. I also contacted Hannah Raines who works at the libraries throughout the university buildings. We had spoke through emails about any referencing enquires. I had a library session where we went through the library in depth, to find books that were relevant and beneficial to my research. 

By having the support I needed, I was more confident when writing my dissertation. As I was nervous about getting these results back, I was surprised by the marks I had received. I was expecting to just get a pass but I managed to get a high 2:1 grade. Of course, I was gutted I was a very small percentage of a first but I am still very happy that I achieved that grade. I worked very hard to get that grade as I knew essays was not my strong point. I feel like I made a good use of the library and its books. 

The first draft of my Research Proposal had grammar and spelling mistakes. Therefore I fixed those mistakes and was able to boost my marks a bit more. Sam said for me to include more books in my research. He stated that there was lots of books written about body image/feminism. I acted on this feedback and had a library session with Hannah to find as many books relevant to my essay. Even though my essay is a modern topic, there was still lots of books I found on certain sections of the essay. I felt like I found and red through many books to increase my knowledge on these subjects. 

If I had to do the presentation again, I would include more information about money and its impact on online behaviour, as Sam said that would be important to address. This would be an extra slide to the powerpoint to explain this. 

For the dissertation, I realised I should have done more study of fashion photography. I felt like my essay had so many turning points into another essay, it was hard to narrow it down. However I should have included a little section about fashion photography itself. For example, about the necessity for women to look a certain way, in order to sell them products. For the survey, Sam said I needed to analyse their different reasons/answers more. Instead of making a generalised statement. I understand this as those who disagreed has an important point to make swell and I should focus on them more. 

Overall, I am very pleased with these results as I thought I was not going to do as successful in this module. I have surprised myself and realised I am much better than Ii thought I was.

Research Portfolio Feedback:

Reflection:

I enjoyed this module as I was looking a new skill that would be beneficial for my business. I managed to look lots of new editing skills on Lightroom and a few on Photoshop. However Lightroom is my chosen editing software. For this module the key thing to understand what is happening in the industry. I understand that it would be useful for myself find out why these popularities have become. I understand that once I learn about these, it will increase how I am critical when evaluating ideas. There is some trends which are worth following and some that are best ignored as Jamie said. I agree with Jamie as I have found trends that are popular and are worth getting on the band wagon. However it is also important to understand why some trends do not become successful. I believe it's important to know what makes something popular. And how it does that. 

I believe I have made some good critical observations of others work, this helps me understand how they have created that particular style. 

Jamie said with my preset can be inconsistent with indoor ones than outside ones. I do struggle sometimes with the indoor ones as the lighting is difficult. However I believe I have improved greatly with editing the indoor ones. I have created an indoor preset which is just the lighting has been boosted and the shadows have been decreased. I understand what Jamie means as I have been working on it for a while. It is not perfect but I have developed since. If I have more time, I would try and develop my preset for indoor to be more successful. This would. be done by watching more Youtube Tutorials on how others do this. I understand I need to keep the whites as white as possible. Presets are good and efficient but the skin tones may be affected by the colour scheme. I believe I need to focus on the skin tone more so that it does not look odd or clearly showing there is a filter on it. 

I believe that a preset may not fit all images of different models with different skin tones. However I believe it is a starting point where most of the editing is done and then I can adjust any anomalies that make the photo look wrong. There is lots of ways you can edit your image to look like, whether it is changing the whole look or making someone look more tanned. It just depends on what the client wants their images to look like. They might edit a particular way to match their social media feeds. 

Overall, I am happy with my grade and understand Jamies Feedback. Next time, I will be more informative about how a preset may not fit with every image and how I would adjust that so iit would work with the image. I would make my notes from workshops and tutorials more detailed so that I have all the information needed. The more detail allow me to reflect on the workshop better. 

[ledenews]

The Closing of Holy Week - What About RCIA?

The culmination of Holy Week, the most important period of the liturgical year in Christianity, will take place during the next 24 hours as Easter Vigil and Easter Sunday services will be offered across both the nation, and the world. Most of these will be done via digital telecast as the world observes social distancing rules whilst working through the coronavirus pandemic. It is a time for Christians to reflect on the passion of Jesus Christ as well as to renew their own dedication to the Faith. Catholics also mark the occasion with the Sacrament of Initiation, when the Church officially welcomes new members into the faith during the Vigil Mass. The Diocese of Steubenville is holding its Vigil Mass at the Holy Rosary Church in Steubenville, with the Most Rev. Jeffrey M. Monforton, bishop of the Diocese, celebrating the livestreamed event at 8 p.m. Those wishing to participate may do so here at the parish’s Facebook page. Easter Sunday mass will be livestreamed at 10 a.m. at the above link, while the Diocese of Wheeling-Steubenville is livestreaming the Most Rev. Mark Brennan, bishop for the DWC, celebrating Easter Sunday at 11 a.m. here at the Diocese’s website.

On Hold

While both dioceses are broadcasting Easter services, the members of each parish’s RCIA class, or Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults, will not be able to complete his or her near year-long spiritual journey. It’s not canceled, but like many aspects of daily life, it’s put on indefinite hold. “The Bishop sent out an email to all the priests in the diocese on March 24 stating that the sacraments of initiation have been delayed and that he can’t give a date when they will be celebrated because of the coronavirus pandemic,” said Dino Orsatti, director of Communications for the Diocese of Steubenville. “He said as authorities provide guidance to public health and safety, he will provide a date.” The Diocese of Wheeling Charleston is taking the same approach. While traditionally, the Sacrament of Initiation takes place during the vigil mass, Canonically, this can be done outside of Holy Week at the bishop and each individual parish’s discretion. “The Anointing of the Sick, Confession, Initiation, these are sacraments which have to be done in person,” said Tim Bishop, Director of Marketing and Communications for the DWC. “It’s not something that can be done over the phone. Plus, many want their family members to attend, which is going to be exceed the 5-to-10 people restriction local health officials set for gatherings. If we can’t do that as a Catholic community, bring them in into full communion with the church, we will wait until we can all be back in church together and have a grand celebration that the rite deserves.”

Members of the RCIA class are shown inside the Cathedral of St. Joseph in Wheeling

What is RCIA?

Each year the RCIA process begins in September in local parishes with the inquiry stage. Meetings may be led by an associate priest, or a layperson well-schooled in the process. The unbaptized, along with baptized Christians from other denominations or even baptized Catholics who never completed their journey to full confirmation, attend usually weekly meetings to “inquire.” They can ask questions relating to Catholic dogma, church teachings are it relates to things both in their lives and the world at large, etc. It’s the beginning phases of a spiritual journey and those interested are trying to discover if this is the path they should take. The Rite of Acceptance is celebrated at the local parish during Sunday mass, officially welcoming the interested members to the church. They are joined by their sponsors—usually family members or friends who are already Catholic but can be any practicing member of the faith willing to stand in and help on their spiritual journey. Next is the Catechumenate stage of the process. Non-baptized are referred to as catechumens, an ancestral name from the early stages of the Church for someone being catechized or learning the catechism. This is where you learn he important parts of the Catholic faith and life. The baptized yet unconfirmed, Catholic or non-Catholic, are referred to as candidates.

Rite of Election

The second major ritual of the RCIA process ends the second stage as the Rite of Election occurs on the first Sunday of Lent as each of the catechumens and candidates signs their name in the Book of the Elect. In the diocese of Wheeling-Charleston, this Rite was held in three locations this Lenten season, the Cathedral of St. Joseph in Wheeling, along with Charleston and in the Eastern Panhandle to allow RCIA members from across the state to participate. The final period of purification then begins, with the catechumens and candidates participate in three purifying rituals, or the Scrutinies as they are called, that help them finalize and prepare for their conversion.  The process the completes with the ceremony during the vigil mass, with the catechumens being baptized and the RCIA class members all experiencing their first communion and confirmation as a group in full view of the parish. A more detailed breakdown may be found here.

Bishop Monforton touches the hand of a RCIA member during the 2019 Rite of Election portion of a service in Mingo.

Adjusting on the Fly

Local parishes, like schools and businesses, got creative to keep the catechesis going. After all, while the Sacrament of Initiation must be given in person, preparation for and discussion about does not. “The really great thing our parishes were able to do, and the RCIA teachers were able to do, is to continue the classes and meetings online, using teleconferencing, or Zoom or whatever the found worked best,” said Tim Bishop, director of Marketing and Communications for the Diocese of Wheeling-Charleston. "They made sure to continue during the pandemic. The process hasn’t just stopped. We continue to pray for them and look forward to celebrating with them in the church when we are all able to get back together.” As Bishop mentioned earlier, Initiation isn’t the only Sacrament affected by the social distancing guidelines. The Sacrament of Confession has been altered temporarily to account for social distancing, but on an individual basis as well as the prospect of group absolution. Pope Francis and the Vatican announced in mid-March that it was acceptable for Bishops to offer group absolution when necessary. Read more here.

Confession

On an individual basis, increased care has been considered for both the health and well-being of those giving, or receiving, the Rites. Special circumstances, i.e. imminent danger or death of a patient have also called for special circumstances, and Bishop noted the diocese has planned for that as well. “I know they are taking extra precautions, but the priests are still Anointing the Sick and offering Confession,” Bishop said. “When the life of a patient is in danger, they will still be anointed. And we’ve found creative ways to celebrate Confession, whether it is calling and setting up an appointment, and some have confession through the screen door of the rectory or through a panel of glass at the parish.” The novel coronavirus has made people from all walks of their life make major adjustments to their daily routines; the church isn’t any different. But those catechumens and candidates seeking oneness with the Catholic Church need only exercise patience and have a little faith, so to speak. Their time is coming. Read the full article

[surinascas]

Final Reflection 

What did I do?  What were my goals? I did a bunch of stuff - here’s the most important bits.

Duke of Edinburgh - My goal for DoE was primarily to survive, as well as to attain the Gold award. I’m happy to announce that I succeeded in my first goal (just), and I’m about 80% of the way there to completing the Gold award, with just some logs left to write. Singing - By the end of 2017, I wanted to have achieved Grade 8 singing, which I’ve done. This year I’ve been part of a lot more singing-related activities (C2B2, Showcase, the exam, and I’m currently part of the Sound of Music cast for the upcoming production in March). THIMUN - I went to the THIMUN conference to both improve my public speaking skills and also gain some insight into real world International Relations, as I’m interested in studying this at a higher level. The fact that I put myself out there to do a speech on a topic I was by no means an expert on hopefully is proof enough to show that I’ve gained confidence in talking to a large group of people. Penan Support - As part of the Penan Support CCA, I wanted to increase awareness of the issues that the Penan tribe face, not only to the school but hopefully to the wider community. The creation of our website is proof of this aim, and I believe we’ve been proactive in raising awareness. House Council - I’m Deputy House Captain of Blackeye, and my personal goal was to increase our House Spirit. Making that extra bit of effort in our House Sports and also managing the bk.bants instagram account has been a success, and will hopefully continue throughout the year.

How did I think/ feel during the activity? Duke of Edinburgh - Since being told that I qualified for the India trip all the way up until reaching Spiti Valley itself, I had some anxiety building up in me. It was such a new and unfamiliar environment that I didn’t know how I should feel. All I could think for the journey was that I was really, really cold. Once we reached Sagnam however things soon became routine. I’m still not over how different my life is compared to the Spitians’, but throughout the trip I reminded myself that different didn’t mean better or worse - just different. Showcase 2017 - There were many times in the rehearsals for Showcase that I just wanted to drop out; either because I had too much schoolwork, or the hours were too long, or I just didn’t feel up for it. Some days I felt more confident than on other days, where I didn’t even want to do a mic test. The last few days I began to feel more enthusiastic: as things came together, I realised just what a show we were going to be giving.

Why was the activity worthwhile?   Penan Support - Penan Support is a worthwhile activity because I knew exactly who I was helping, and how I was doing it. Although I never actually met any of the women who wove the baskets, I knew their names and faces from tagging countless bags and baskets. Unlike with other charities where you have to put faith in the charity, the hands-on approach of Penan Support lets you directly impact people’s lives, which is something worthwhile by anybody’s standards. Duke of Edinburgh - I have never experienced anything like the Gold expedition, and I’ll never forget the memories that I made. From the 18 hour bus rides to the daily grind at the Residential project, I learnt how to cooperate with people over extended periods of time, all whilst becoming closer through the shared experience. THIMUN - Living in Brunei, the number of people our age (and who have similar lives/experiences) is fairly limited. THIMUN had over 1,000 students my age, most of whom were also from international schools. I met people from all over the world, and it was refreshing to have a reminder that my experiences are not isolated - there’s a bunch of others who’ve been in the same position.

What was the highlight?   Duke of Edinburgh - I’m tempted to say that the whole trip was the highlight, so instead I’ll say that it was coming home. Having no communication with our families for 2 weeks, it was a bundle of emotions when we all came through the Arrivals gates and were reunited with them - we could finally tell them about what a surreal experience Spiti was. THIMUN - Meeting my gang gang was the highlight of THIMUN. Without my squad, I wouldn’t have been able to give my speech. Even though we’re from a bunch of different countries, I know that I’ll have a place to stay (and people to see!) if I ever (re)visit the Philippines, Singapore, Saudi Arabia, Egypt… Showcase 2017 - The countless hours of grafting culminated into an amazing end performance. After working with the girls for such a long time, we had inside jokes and references (like a certain someone holding their microphone upside down during the Saturday show) and there was just a general feeling of camaraderie that I won’t forget.

What was my biggest challenge? House Council - The biggest challenge of stepping into the House Council is that you’re stepping into the old council’s shoes, and they had set pretty high standards for us. A lot of tutors left, even our Housemaster, and so on top of finding our feet as the new House Council we had to deal with the shifting vibe of the house itself. Duke of Edinburgh - Working is hard, but walking 3900m above sea level is harderer. Altitude was a struggle to overcome, because it made every movement feel 10x more tiring. Sometimes it was only present if I did something physically straining, like run up a hill (stupid idea, kids), but others it was at the forefront in the form of headaches and slight nausea.

What did the activity mean to me?  Should others do this activity?  Why?   Duke of Edinburgh - This activity means far more to me than I ever thought it would. The memes, the mems, the (homestay) moms and of course the momos all made it an unforgettable experience, because it really put things in perspective: I was conscious that we were out of place in Spiti, yet for the people there it’s their daily lives. Should others do this activity? 100% yes. I like to think I matured over the 3 weeks, simply because I was exposed to something so different and a comparatively more difficult life to what I have now. I vividly remember coming home, looking around my room at the aircon, the multiple pillows, and the hot-water shower just behind a door and thinking “I have so much”.

House Council - I wanted to leave a mark on Blackeye before I left school, and thought the House Council would be the best way to go about this. At first I wasn’t sure how much I could do as Deputy House Captain, but soon realised that everyone in the council has to bounce off each other for support. Others should do this activity because even if you’re not the most extroverted, organised, or whatever trait that’s assumed to be needed for a leadership role, the House Council is the perfect place to make a change to a smaller section in JIS, which could then be projected into the wider school community - like at the Peace Day Juice Bar.

The Learning Outcomes

Identify own strengths and develop areas for growth: Singing [Creativity] - Performed in Showcase as a mezzo-soprano, contributing to the harmonies of the group songs in Showcase 2017 (I Will Survive/Survivor, Rockabye, Who Run The World) Penan Support [Service] - Used writing skill to draft the information needed for the Penan Support website. Developed a skill in design whilst creating posters for various sales (football funday, Shoebox project, etc.)

Challenges undertaken: Duke of Edinburgh [Action] - Constructed a greenhouse in a group of 15 people at high altitudes, learnt to cope in an unfamiliar environment and be independent whilst at the homestays. Singing [Creativity] - Achieved Grade 8 singing, performed as a group soloist for the first time in Showcase. THIMUN [Creativity] - Got up in front of an audience of strangers to deliver a 1 minute speech on Preventing Sexual Violence in Conflict Zones. Shed Sweepers [Action] - Played football and netball as part of a team having never played either sport competitively.

Planned a CAS Experience: Penan Support [Service] - The Shoebox Project was executed by students (we sent the emails, collected the boxes and later sorted them). The website was also our own project, and is currently being updated and managed by us. House Council [Service] - The Great Blackeye Bake-off involved over 6 teams competing for pride and honour. It was coordinated entirely by the House Council, with us booking the room, getting the 1st pace trophy engraved, deciding the criteria for judging and of course being judges ourselves. The Peace Day Juice Bar was also an experience that was led by students for students, and was hugely successful in generating sales - the profits of which went to the school’s chosen charities.

Shown perseverance and commitment: Singing [Creativity] - Was part of C2B2 and Showcase, both of which required a significant amount of extra rehearsals (after school and on weekends) in order to give such a high standard end performance. Duke of Edinburgh [Action] - The Duke of Edinburgh Gold award requires participants to commit to a Skill, Service and Physical activity for at least an hour every week for a year. By taking part in the award, I have been doing all of these activities weekly.

Worked collaboratively with others: Singing [Creativity] - The productions that I’ve been in have needed me to work with others, sometimes in small groups (e.g. the Inventors in C2B2, the Bellas in Showcase) and others in groups of over 50 people. This meant I had to be wary of others and recognise if they were struggling with something so that we could address the problem. THIMUN [Creativity] - The resolutions that were debated were the result of different delegations combining with their allies and creating resolutions from scratch. Shed Sweepers [Action] - Teamwork was essential to us winning Football Funday, as we had to communicate with each other so that everybody was clear as to what needed to be done.

Engaged with issues of global importance: THIMUN [Creativity] - The issues on the agenda were taken from topics that were debated in General Assemblies of the real United Nations. As such, they were contemporary, modern day issues that the world is currently facing: for example, there is currently an issue of piracy in the Straits of Malacca, which was debated on in GA1.

Considered ethical implications of my actions: Duke of Edinburgh [Action] - Although an isolated place, Spiti is affected by the forces of globalisation, namely tourism. This is having both negative and positive effects: although it is generating income, it’s also generating unsustainable amounts of waste, and a lack of infrastructure means they are not being disposed of properly. To mitigate our personal impact, we used Life Straws rather than buy bottled water; Life Straws filter water in the bottle itself. Penan Support [Service] - The Penan Tribe is just one of many tribes whose lifestyles are threatened and being eroded. By learning more about the Penan, I also learnt more about the efforts being made to preserve indigenous culture, and the issues that they face.

New or extended skills: Singing [Creativity] - Increased confidence in singing in front of people. Learnt to belt (sing loudly) as it is an intrinsic part of performing. THIMUN [Creativity] - Better public speaking  skill and ability to argue rationally, from delivering a speech and making multiple POIs. House Council [Service] - Learnt how to engage an audience online with the Blackeye instagram account. How? Memes.

[viparts]

Instagram Holds Closed-Door Roundtable with Artists on Art and Nudity – – ARTnews Monday, October 21, Instagram held a closed-door roundtable in New York about its community guidelines and content moderation policies as they relate to nudity in art, ARTnews has learned. The private discussion, which included both prominent and emerging artists and museum leaders, took place in the wake of protests and petitions from artists who have alleged that their work has been censored by the image-sharing platform, which is owned by Facebook. The roundtable, held at Instagram’s headquarters near Astor Place in Manhattan convened about 20 people, many of whom had previously had posts removed from Instagram because of their content. Representatives from the National Coalition Against Censorship were also invited to participate. Possible outcomes from the meetings are not yet clear, but the hope of many artists is that the talks lead to policy changes. In an interview, Stephanie Otway, a Facebook spokesperson, said that the company regularly meets with users to receive feedback about its products and to think about how it can be incorporated into its policies and products. “Today was about meeting with the community in the art world to understand their feedback,” Otway said. “A lot of their feedback is based around our nudity policies, so we definitely felt it was a constructive day for us to think about how these policies evolve and develop in the future. I think it’s the start of a conversation between us and the art community.” Among those attending Monday’s meeting were artists Micol Hebron, Marilyn Minter, Joanne Leah, and Siddhant Talwar. Painter Betty Tompkins had also been invited but did not attend, and instead sent a statement that she asked to be read on the record. While participants were allowed to share news of the talks, according to Hebron and Minter, those involved were asked by Instagram to sign non-disclosure agreements meant to keep the day’s proceedings private. Members of the press were not invited. The company said that signing NDAs is standard procedure for anyone visiting any Facebook/Instagram building and was not put in effect specifically for this meeting. Tompkins told ARTnews that she had been contacted by Facebook about the roundtable around three weeks ago and didn’t immediately know how to respond. Because she wouldn’t be able to attend in person, Tompkins asked if she could send a statement that would be read aloud, and the company agreed. Tompkins said in that statement that, because of Instagram’s major role in the art world, its current guidelines are prohibitive to artists “whose work is challenging or thought-provoking.” (She said she plans to post her full statement to Instagram later in the week.) Earlier this year, Tompkins had her Instagram account deleted after she posted a layout from an exhibition catalogue that included a black-and-white reproduction of one of her “Fuck Paintings” that is based on pornography and in the collection of Paris’s Centre Pompidou. (Her account was later restored.) “Instagram has nominated themselves to be the online voice for the art world,” Tompkins continued. “And they’ve succeeded. You can’t be active in the art world without a voice on Instagram.” Nora Pelizzari, the NCAC’s director of communications, echoed Tompkins, saying that she was pleased that emerging artists had been invited to participate. “When we’re talking about art on a platform like Instagram, established museums and artists use Instagram for disseminating their work, for gaining great exposure, etc.,” she told ARTnews, “but they also have other platforms on which do that, whereas early career artists depend on Instagram in a very particular way. They don’t necessarily have access to galleries, museums, and the ‘art world’ as it exists. Ideally what Instagram does is remove the hierarchy of who gets to be an artist.” “Instagram and Facebook had no trouble admitting their mistakes,” Minter said in an email to ARTnews after the meeting. “They have made progress. I felt like this was an exchange of ideas from forward-leaning people trying to do the right thing. These were difficult conversations from well-meaning people trying to find solutions. Some of the artists had grievances but there was no hostility. If we are going to grow and change we need these conversations. I left feeling that this topic is a work in progress.” In an interview prior to the meeting, Hebron said that Instagram had been vague—perhaps intentionally so—prior to the meeting, and had not sent participants an agenda of the day’s events beyond saying that there would be a keynote presentation and time for each artist to discuss their experiences with Instagram. While a list of participants was circulated to invitees, Hebron said, they were told not to make that information public out of respect for their colleagues’ privacy. Hebron added that she thought that Instagram’s insistence on having participants sign NDAs and have the discussion happen in private represented a missed opportunity. “That they’ve already has us sign an NDA is crazy,” Hebron said. “If they were smart, it would be live-cast and streamed. It should really be a community conversation.” Tompkins, who was not asked to sign an NDA, said she found it absurd that Instagram expected the participating artists to stay silent. “If you’re bringing artists into a room and telling them they can’t talk about a couple of hours they’ve lived through, you’re dreaming,” she said. “This is our job as artists: to break the rules. That’s what makes it art—it doesn’t conform.” Pelizzari said that the day began with representatives from Facebook and Instagram explaining their policies and their reasoning behind them. “Facebook was trying to make it clear that they respect and privilege voice on their platforms, above all else,” Pelizzari continued, “What the artists were pushing back on was by saying, ‘Your policies, and how they’re implemented, don’t necessarily reflect that.’ It seemed that Facebook was very interested in engaging that conversation, but I will say that willingness to make hard commitments was lacking.” Otway, the Facebook spokesperson, said, “For us it’s a case of taking away the feedback that we heard, and bringing it to the broader teams to understand what we can and can’t implement. So nothing specific at the moment. The main thing is collating what we heard, any commonalities that we heard that we think would be particularly useful in our policy development process.” Though the group of participants was diverse in terms of age and race and ethnicity, Hebron said, she felt that not enough men were part of the discussions. Three men and one trans person were among the group of 20 invitees who participated in Monday’s discussion. Facebook said that it did make efforts to have a diverse group of people as it relates to gender, but would not comment on specifics, saying it wanted to maintain the privacy of participants. “I think this issue should concern men—it’s a community concern,” Hebron said. “The idea that only women should be concerned with these problems is pretty sophomoric and myopic. It also affects non-binary, queer, and trans folks. This should concern everyone, not just the bodies that are being oppressed and censored.” The largest point of contention between Instagram and artists has been nudity, specifically the female nipple, as it appears in artworks. Artists and other arts advocates have also called for more transparency about when posts or accounts are removed and why some accounts are given less visibility in the app’s explore and hashtag functions. Currently, Instagram’s community guidelines regarding nudity read, “We know that there are times when people might want to share nude images that are artistic or creative in nature, but for a variety of reasons, we don’t allow nudity on Instagram. This includes photos, videos, and some digitally-created content that show sexual intercourse, genitals, and close-ups of fully-nude buttocks. It also includes some photos of female nipples, but photos of post-mastectomy scarring and women actively breastfeeding are allowed. Nudity in photos of paintings and sculptures is OK, too.” Tompkins read these guidelines prior to writing her statement. “At first I laughed, and then I got very angry,” she said. “I was furious. After putting us through all of this, it’s horseshit, when it’s clear that they haven’t read their own guidelines.” Leah, a photographer who circulated a Change.org petition calling for changes to how Instagram handles nudity that garnered some 1,000 signatures, said that it was important that the guidelines be updated to allow for nudity in photography and documentation of performance art. “They have concerns about photography being pornographic,” Leah said. “But, I think they are completely eliminating photography as an art form. That they allow it in painting and sculpture is invalidating artists’ work and art history. It’s important to come up with a distinction between pornography and fine art photography that includes nudity.” Another topic discussed at length in the roundtable, several sources said, was Instagram’s ability to determine someone’s gender based on photographs of their nipples, which may not match up with that person’s own gender identification. “Facebook needs to reckon with the disproportionate negative effect that is felt by trans, gender non-confirming, and queer folks by these very binary and gendered nudity policies,” Pelizzari, of the NCAC, said. “When you limit the ability of anyone who comes from an already marginalized community to talk about their own story and to share their own body you are sending a value judgment as to the value of that person, not just the value of a post on Instagram. What that does is reinforce global norms around marginalization.” Prior to the roundtable at Instagram, Hebron spoke to the larger issues at stake within these conversations, “Not only do we have Facebook and Instagram assuming our gender based on images of our bodies, which is really troubling, but they’re also making statements about what is and isn’t art and what is and isn’t acceptable art. That has echoes from the Culture Wars of the ’80s and ’90s.” Powered by WPeMatico