#sensory stimuli
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I have both autistic meltdowns and panic attacks. Iāve been listening to a lot of late-diagnosed autistics talking about how they thought those were one and the same.
I did too, and I didnāt understand why many strategies didnāt help my meltdowns (which I thought were panic attacks).
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Tangentially, you know what I hate? I hate that people judge me so hard for having a public or even semi-private meltdown.
I meltdown after prolonged exposure to things that are sensory or emotionally draining - including not being properly heard or accommodated. These are often building up to a volcanic-like pressure within me.
I also have trauma and PTSD-related panic attacks (which are more sudden at onset).
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I HATE that no matter how much I try to take care of myself or show that Iām doing what I can doā¦ that people see me meltdown and lose trust in me.
#autistic meltdown#audhd#autistic#panic attacks#ptsd#cptsd#healing#neurodivergence#trauma#sensory stimuli#triggers
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Not to be pedantic or something but I'm so tired of "sensory friendly" being used to sell clothes etc like! That means nothing! Sensory friendly is different for everyone! please just tell me what you're trying to sell. Is it tight or loose? How heavy is it? "Soft" doesnt even cover it, what's the goddamn material made of? Describe the texture in case I don't have any experience first hand with the fabric. For the love of god, is there a smell that I wont be able to get rid off by airing it out for a week? Are there seams? Where?
#actually autistic#autistic adult#autistic community#sensory friendly#not gonna get into it but same w places media etc as the same description. but yeah just. what the fuck#at least w places and media its pretty consistently meaning low amount of stimuli#whereas w clothes its like. tight ? loose? anyones fucking guess really
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#i luv adding 500 gifs in one moodboard its like tiktok cocomelon eye candy#wanted the nct wish moodboard to look cuter and more aborable and whimsical but wtv#nom nom nom (me eating pastel coloured flashy gifs)#itz like sensory stimuli#kpop layouts#aesthetic#lq icons#visual archive#visual moodboard#soft moodboard#pink moodboard#heisei retro#kawaii moodboard#nct wish#nct moodboard#sakuya moodboard#nct wish sakuya#pastel moodboard#bg lq icons#bg layouts#candy moodboard#kpop bg#kpop moodboard
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wheres that panel of bart fantasizing about pushing kon into a wood chipper. thats me rn
#rimi talks#feeling Evil tn. in the ''sensory overload/overstimlation'' sense. which is annoying bc i have removed. so many stimuli
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I'm pushing my neurodivergent agenda for perciver tonight wbu
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Neither Oliver nor Percy are particularly big fans of parties: they can be bearable, sometimes, even fun in the company of friends, but this one is sure to be crowded, and loud, and altogether a little bit overwhelming.
Celebrating together in the privacy and comfort of their dorm is much more their style.
#hp#perciver#percy weasley#oliver wood#neurodivergent headcanon#particularly sensory sensitivities#wow look at that writing complex neurodivergent characters where they don't get shamed for not wanting to be exposed to painful stimuli!#it's not that hard folks
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Increasingly tempted to make some sort of Komaeda autism meta since I keep discussing his diagnoses with people and like the autistic Komaeda HC (comorbid with, not instead of FTD). I relate a lot to the symptoms he has that overlap with my own nonsense, but I'm looking through the ICD-11 criteria right now and I think he actually doesn't meet a bunch of them. It'd be fun to do a point-by-point analysis at some point.
#tldr though: no evidence (imo) oooof rigidity in routine/low adaptability to new circumstances;#most motor symptoms inc. any sort of stimming behaviour or abnormal gait; difficulty with eye contact.#possible but dubious: special interests and associated behaviour like infodumping (could sort of argue this for luck and talent though);#hyper-/hyposensitivity to sensory stimuli. (cry-stars and i searched hard for this for the dementia meta;#anything that could be used as evidence of that is more easily attributed to a trauma response/bad luck avoidance)#he meets other essential criteria but FTD can explain most or all of that#symptoms also have to be present since childhood but we can't comment on that obviously#.txt#danganronpa#komaedology
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life's not been good lately. ive been beset by a cacophony of Ails (constant fatigue and exhaustion to the point of being bedridden for most of the day, constant nausea, headaches, shoulder (???) aches, skin rashes (why???? ;-;), irritability, did i mention the exhaustion....) but im like 99% sure it's all just caused by stress so theres rlly nothing much i can do but wait til life gets Less Stressful.
still, it's heavily debilitating. like, here is list of things overwhelming me to tears just this morning
eating breakfast (it's so hard. it's so hard to eat. i know i must, but it's so difficult)
drinking water (it makes me wanna throw up for some reason)
noises and sounds (the house phone rang awhile ago and my heart rate kicked up so panicked as if i was being chased by an axe murderer. my sister spoke to me awhile ago and i wanted to burst into tears because even verbal conversation feels like an insurmountable task rn)
notifs from Everywhere (discord, here, my work grp chats, twitter, my tumblr inbox oh god im so sorry about my inbox so many asks are piling up and im not ignoring you guys i promise im just gonna break down if i try to even read what you guys are sending in)
standing (it makes me lightheaded and dizzy and makes me wanna throw up) (sidenote: wow a lot of things make me wanna throw up these days JS;FKDNS;DKF)
sleeping (I FIGURED THIS SHOULD BE EASY, GIVEN HOW EXHAUSTED I AM, BUT IT'S NOT. IM BAD AT SLEEPING NOW, WHY????? i lay in bed and my breathing is so quick like there is Something Hunting Me Down and it takes me hours to finally sleep and when i Do sleep it's not even Good, i still feel like CRAP)
touch (nobody touch me oh god i will scream. the only exception to this is my cat because he is very soft)
in summary: world overwhelming. help. i hate this. it's been like this for over a week. i want to hide under a blanket or perhaps a burrow in the ground. i want to be like this
#im well aware im having a monumental stress breakdown n im TRYING my best to limit stimuli (working in bed. earphones in all th time. etc)#but the stimuli PERSISTS#EVERYWHEERE. IT'S EVERYWHERE. I /AM/ BEING HUNTED DOWN ACTUALLY#dootdootdoot#i'll be fine i just need this to Pass and It Shall Pass#but while it Has Not Passed i will be here shaking and crying like an abandoned chihuahua at the mall#and complaining online because thats rlly the only outlet i have#lest i start setting things on fire#does having bipolar disorder make me more susceptible to sensory overload or some shit?? is this its fault too?? gah
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i wish the adults in my life hadn't pigeonholed me as an "old soul" or however my aunt put it so young bc man. i am really Really delayed in a lot of ways that were just. ignored. when i was young enough to actually get any extra support for it. nobody holds my hand and gently walks me thru stuff anymore. you have to really fend for yourself as an adult :/
#i have like. significantly regressed in a lot of ways over the last year#my mental iwness is pretty good like i don't feel particularly depressed mood wise#but i am just sooooo much less tolerant of sensory stimuli and i feel like my energy levels are at an all time low#i require so much sleep and so many stimulants just to make it thru the day#something ain't right
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i have heart conditions so thereās about a 30% chance wearing over the ear/noise cancelling headphones will force me to listen to my loud-ass, way-too-fast heartbeat
#i HATE heartbeat sounds EWEWEWEW#sensory difficulties make me stressed and stress triggers palpitations.#wear headphones to dampen bad auditory stimuli#now have NEW bad auditory stimulus (my stupid fucking cardiac muscle)#anguish dot png#plum rambles#disability#heart palpitations#headphones#sensory issues
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*hand raise* um quastion does anyone have suggestion for not getting absolutely exhausted by 7pm it is getting inconvenient
#i sleep well and have a good schedule i eat healthy and enough i exercise and get sun and manage my sensory stimuli AND THEN I'M TIRED#im not even doing that much atm im not busy what is going onn#maybe it's an iron thing. or hormonal?
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#when youāre angry and everything other people do and even what Iām doing irritates me and itās just sensory overload everywhere#I just wanna hide. let there be like no stimuli to make me angrier
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Today we learned that evil showers are not for me
#which is weird since light hands me my ass every time always. light is my arch-enemy in the world of sensory stimuli#i mean it was nise for like. a few minutes#but then i just kinda sat there feeling increasingly more sad and lonely#2/10 do not recommend. turned the lights back on#cruci shitpost
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They should invent an intestine you can't feel
#from what i understand im hypersensitive to my gi tract and its motions and actions.#and am more likely to interpret stimuli as pain than most people. because of my sensory thingies.#lots of pressure stims other autistics like hurt me but i dont believe i have fibro i think im just weird
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i just learned that my chronic migraines and headaches that have stumped doctors for my entire life and for which i have had mriās and ultrasounds and blood tests and been on so many medications might just be related to my autism and sensory problems and masking??? this is unreal and is both such a relief and so infuriating
#does anyone have any advice for reducing autism related migraines aside from reducing sensory stimuli?#autism#autistic#actually autistic#autistic adult#neurodivergent#ramblings
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I used to be worried that lox had health issues or something because he's always squinting and looking kind of irate no matter whats going on but ive had enough vet visits now to be pretty confident that he just kind of looks like that
#ratblogging#i do think he may be particularly sensitive to certain kinds of sensory stimuli tho#his reactions to sounds are a lot more pronounced than either clydes or lutefisks
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having the issues i have is literally exhausting. like why do the miseries have to be ceaseless and the horrors unending.
#purrs#idk if im swaddling my inner child or str*ngling her (sorry) but she needs to stop crying bc my GOD i canāt keep living like this. my counse#counselor literaly told me i could get fired if i end up working somewhere else (š¤Øšš„) and donāt heal AJD itās like ok youāre right but also#shut up donāt fucking say that. but he is also so right like i canāt keep living like this. i was anxious and agitated all day and itās good#that no one noticed but also like it takes so much energy just to sit in one place and do my work and respond to the stimuli and not start a#sobbing and howling. i hate this shitty fucking situation i want it to be over so i never have to feel this helpless again but im feeling pr#pretty helpless right now mutuals. i am feeling pretty helpless and i also cannot breathe because the elephants are taking up too much space#and i mean that in more ways than one. i donāt even have the energy to play video games rn like literally all i want to do is sleep. omg#still not as bad or in as bad a place as last week. and thank god i have not been dizzy since friday. but this is really pushing my limit. l#like im scared my heart is gonna give out from pounding so hard and i was trying to do affirmations w mysef and talk myself through the#logic and it didnāt work really and im like š plus like almost every triggering / upsetting kind of situation that can happen has happened#today and i havenāt flipped out abt it itās been more like slowly chipping away at me and.. i am at my fucking limit. i need to sit in a#sensory deprivation tank. and i also need to get married and/or a phd immediately. and i also need a lobotomy.
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