#sensory stimuli

[vizthedatum]

I have both autistic meltdowns and panic attacks. I’ve been listening to a lot of late-diagnosed autistics talking about how they thought those were one and the same.

I did too, and I didn’t understand why many strategies didn’t help my meltdowns (which I thought were panic attacks).

—

Tangentially, you know what I hate? I hate that people judge me so hard for having a public or even semi-private meltdown.

I meltdown after prolonged exposure to things that are sensory or emotionally draining - including not being properly heard or accommodated. These are often building up to a volcanic-like pressure within me.

I also have trauma and PTSD-related panic attacks (which are more sudden at onset).

—

I HATE that no matter how much I try to take care of myself or show that I’m doing what I can do… that people see me meltdown and lose trust in me.

[fraternum-momentum]

btw my brother GRILLED me for having baby sensory videos in the bg while i draw like whats wrong with having funky little guys dancing in the bg ??????????

[choccomonke]

[aestherians]

I just had the oddest experience. I was brushing my teeth, looking in the mirror, when suddenly, for a split second, my face seemed different. Not like a hallucination (or p-shift, good gods), more like... I stopped noticing the traits that didn't look like my fictotype. Like a visual sensory shift. A perception shift. I only perceived our visual similarities and somehow blocked out our differences. Like I said, it was over in less than a second. But it was there, clear as day.

[elfpylon]

just finished season 1 of Pantheon and holy Fucking shit is it good. It’s barely anything like what I expected.

Deep, really unsettling, and really fucking cool because I am laugh-crying with joy at how SICK the digital U.I. battle scenes are with the interspersed visual representation of the code and actual logic processing of uploaded human minds brute force attacking each other like oh my god oh my god oh my god. The Concepts. The C O N C E P T S.

anyways I cried a lot time for season 2.

[mamawasatesttube]

wheres that panel of bart fantasizing about pushing kon into a wood chipper. thats me rn

[mirrorofliterature]

I'm pushing my neurodivergent agenda for perciver tonight wbu

.

Neither Oliver nor Percy are particularly big fans of parties: they can be bearable, sometimes, even fun in the company of friends, but this one is sure to be crowded, and loud, and altogether a little bit overwhelming.

Celebrating together in the privacy and comfort of their dorm is much more their style.

[windcarvedlyre]

Increasingly tempted to make some sort of Komaeda autism meta since I keep discussing his diagnoses with people and like the autistic Komaeda HC (comorbid with, not instead of FTD). I relate a lot to the symptoms he has that overlap with my own nonsense, but I'm looking through the ICD-11 criteria right now and I think he actually doesn't meet a bunch of them. It'd be fun to do a point-by-point analysis at some point.

[actualbird]

life's not been good lately. ive been beset by a cacophony of Ails (constant fatigue and exhaustion to the point of being bedridden for most of the day, constant nausea, headaches, shoulder (???) aches, skin rashes (why???? ;-;), irritability, did i mention the exhaustion....) but im like 99% sure it's all just caused by stress so theres rlly nothing much i can do but wait til life gets Less Stressful.

still, it's heavily debilitating. like, here is list of things overwhelming me to tears just this morning

eating breakfast (it's so hard. it's so hard to eat. i know i must, but it's so difficult)

drinking water (it makes me wanna throw up for some reason)

noises and sounds (the house phone rang awhile ago and my heart rate kicked up so panicked as if i was being chased by an axe murderer. my sister spoke to me awhile ago and i wanted to burst into tears because even verbal conversation feels like an insurmountable task rn)

notifs from Everywhere (discord, here, my work grp chats, twitter, my tumblr inbox oh god im so sorry about my inbox so many asks are piling up and im not ignoring you guys i promise im just gonna break down if i try to even read what you guys are sending in)

standing (it makes me lightheaded and dizzy and makes me wanna throw up) (sidenote: wow a lot of things make me wanna throw up these days JS;FKDNS;DKF)

sleeping (I FIGURED THIS SHOULD BE EASY, GIVEN HOW EXHAUSTED I AM, BUT IT'S NOT. IM BAD AT SLEEPING NOW, WHY????? i lay in bed and my breathing is so quick like there is Something Hunting Me Down and it takes me hours to finally sleep and when i Do sleep it's not even Good, i still feel like CRAP)

touch (nobody touch me oh god i will scream. the only exception to this is my cat because he is very soft)

in summary: world overwhelming. help. i hate this. it's been like this for over a week. i want to hide under a blanket or perhaps a burrow in the ground. i want to be like this

[scooplery]

i wish the adults in my life hadn't pigeonholed me as an "old soul" or however my aunt put it so young bc man. i am really Really delayed in a lot of ways that were just. ignored. when i was young enough to actually get any extra support for it. nobody holds my hand and gently walks me thru stuff anymore. you have to really fend for yourself as an adult :/

[pileofpawns]

i have heart conditions so there’s about a 30% chance wearing over the ear/noise cancelling headphones will force me to listen to my loud-ass, way-too-fast heartbeat

[charmonys]

@svnbled &&. said...

he smiles as he hands over a box, sheepish this time. the last time he’d offered a gift, it was well meaning but ultimately left a sour taste in the back of sunday’s throat… and a horrible feeling on his hands and neck. “Round two?” he laughs quietly. “They’re silk with light amounts of hand woven fabric from Lushaka. You’ll barely notice it’s there.”

he  still  feels  quite  terrible  about  the  way  things  went  the  first  time  through.  a  gift  is  a  gift  —  the  fact  that  lex  endeavored  to  procure  him  anything  at  all  (  with  only  the  pure  intention  of  making  him  happy  )  is  a  show  of  kindness  that  should  be  commended.  he  had  no  way  of  knowing  about  the  halovian's  peculiar  needs.  the  scarf  had  sat  thick  and  heavy  around  his  shoulders,  a  weight  sunday  was  always  uncomfortably  aware  of  —  despite  his  best  efforts  to  ignore  it.  the  gloves,  as  well.  the  fabric  was  warm  and  woolen;  surely  a  boon,  should  his  long  journey  spirit  him  away  to  any  inhospitably  frigid  climates.  yet  the  texture  was  wrong;  too  scratchy,  too  inconsistent.  he's  always  had  a  preference  for  thinner  materials  —  something  that  allows  the  halovian  the  dexterity  of  bare  hands  whilst  still  protecting  him  from  any  stimuli  he  may  find  disconcerting.  the  original  set  was  a  fine  gift,  and  any  other  soul  on  the  express  would  be  more  than  happy  to  make  use  of  it  —  sunday  had  tried  to  reassure  lex  of  as  much.

fingertips  trace  the  edges  of  a  second  box,  now  resting  in  his  hands.  honeyed  gaze  softens  at  the  mere  sight  of  it  —  even  before  he  removes  the  lid  to  peer  at  the  contents.  ❝  you ...  ❞  you  didn't  need  to  do  that.  the  words  fail  to  escape  him,  clogged  by  the  lump  taking  up  residence  in  sunday's  throat.  the  halovian  exhales  slowly  through  his  nose,  then  looks  up  —  an  awkwardness  to  the  subtle  tilt  of  his  smile,  as  if  he  is  wholly  unaccustomed  to  being  on  the  receiving  end  of  such  genuine  consideration  and  has  to  improvise  a  response.

carefully,  he  removes  his  rings.  then  pinches  the  fingertip  of  one  glove  —  pulling  it  away  slowly  and  arduously,  as  if  by  shedding  the  layer,  sunday  is  also  shedding  a  piece  of  himself.  his  bare  hand  is  delicate;  long,  elegant  fingers  befitting  a  musician.  neatly  trimmed  nails.  soft  palms.  a  crisscrossing  of  thin  scars  mars  the  halovian's  skin  —  a  lingering  echo  of  thorns  digging  harshly  into  his  flesh.  (  the  pain  is  but  another  obstacle;  a  cost  he  has  always  been  willing  to  pay.  )  sunday  wastes  little  time  pulling  on  the  new  glove,  blinking  at  how  smoothly  it  glides  against  his  skin.  he  tilts  his  hand  to  and  fro  —  testing  his  range  of  movement.  fingers  flex  as  though  tapping  a  tune  upon  an  invisible  piano's  keyboard.

...  no  complaints.  it's  even  more  comfortable  than  his  normal  set.

❝  thank  you.  ❞  the  halovian  cradles  his  hand  close  to  his  chest  as  he  directs  his  attention  back  to  lex.  ❝  i  only  wish  i  had  more  to  offer  you  than  my  gratitude.  ❞

[avephelis]

*hand raise* um quastion does anyone have suggestion for not getting absolutely exhausted by 7pm it is getting inconvenient

[inverttheory]

naturally i have become hopelessly dependent on the string of pearls .

[porcelainfreak-zacrucian]

Today we learned that evil showers are not for me

[shodansbabygirl]

They should invent an intestine you can't feel