#selfreflexion

[positivevibe-happylife]

By telling myself I’m broken , I automatically sign up to the notion that I won’t be whole again unless I’m fixed.am I flawed within perfections?? The answer is an unequivocal YES. But rather than engaging in damaging behaviours, I’m going to prescribe myself with a strong dose of self healing and self love.

[chiarodiluuna-blog]

[mikaminowa]

Uninteressantes Mädchen schreibt über ihre uninteressanten Gedanken

Dieser Text entsteht nur zum Zwecke der eigenen Selbstreflexion

Vor vier Jahren endkam ich meiner Depression. Es flossen Viele Tränen und viel Blut in dieser Zeit , dennoch muss ich gestehen das ich bei dem Gedanken an diese Zeit nicht in Wehmut versinke . Ich kann über diese Zeit reden und mich meinem Umfeld gegenüber endlich öffnen.

Dachte ich. Nun ,nach so langer Zeit , hohlen mich die gleichen Gedanken und Gefühle von damals immer mehr ein und ich habe gewaltige Angst vor deren Ausmaße. Ich empfinde wieder Hass und Ekel gegenüber meiner Person , sowohl bezogen auf Körper und auch Persönlichkeit, welche ich dachte für immer Abgelegt zu haben. Der Blick in den Spiegel ekelt mich. Die Reflektion an mir selbst tut weh.

Aber warum ? Was bringt mich dazu nun wieder so zu denken ?

Sind es die Freunde ? Liegt es an der Familie ? Meine Lebenssituation ? Was lässt mich wieder so fühlen?

Ich will das nicht. Ich will nicht das ich wieder in die Klauen dieser beschissenen Krankheit gelange. Ich dachte wirklich das ich jetzt über allem drüber stehe ! Ich will nicht wieder Tabletten schlucken, mich abschotten, meinen Körper verletzten und Stunden lang durch heulen . Keine Zusammenbrüche mehr , keine Therapeuten und um Gottes Willen will ich niemanden mehr meine Situation erklären müssen!

Was ist den los mit dir? Lach doch mal ! Boah da ist mal wieder jemand Zickig. Du kannst doch mit uns reden.

BLABLABLA

Genau das kann ich nämlich nicht ! Wenn ich Leuten etwas erzähle ,ich Schmerzen habe oder irgendein Problem habe zählt immer nur das was sie wollen . Nie hört mir jemand zu oder bemerkt wie es mir geht. Ich könnte mit einer Schusswunde vor ihnen stehen , sie würden nur so tun als würde es sie interessieren und dann ihren Bedürfnissen weiter gehen.

Aber ich sage nichts mehr. Das habe ich für mich entscheiden. Ich schweige lieber wieder , denn das öffnen ,gegenüber einet wichtigen Personen , hilft am Ende ja doch nicht.

Das hab ich gelernt.

Aber anderen die Schuld geben ist auch nicht richtig. War es nie und wird es auch nicht sein. Ich weiß nicht ob ich anders handeln würde.

Wie halten es Menschen mit mir aus ?

Eine Frage welche sich unter meinen Freunden sehr häufig , spaßeshalber, gestellt wird. Dennoch ist es für mich eine Frage, welche mich zum Nachdenken bringt .

Ich würde es nicht können. Also sich mit mir selbst abgeben .

Stur , besserwisserisch , naiv , laut und in viel zu vielen Lagen auf andere angewiesen.

Vielleicht mag sich das ziemlich selbstbewusst anhören, aber wie in jeder guten Depression ist der Selbsthass gegenüber des eigenen Wirt zu groß um dieses auszuleben . Viel Show um nichts. Das bemerke ich aber immer erst viel später. In diesen Momenten in den ich mich glücklich fühle ,steckt soviel mehr als nur ebend benanntes Glücksgefühl. Die Angst als die Person erkannt zu werden , welche ich nun mal bin , begleitet mich mit jeden Schritt den uch vorwärts tue und dieses Gefühl beherrscht mich schon seit Ewigkeiten. Ich weiß das ich, aus meiner Gruppe die Hässliche bin, da können Sie mir sonst etwas erzählen. Mit 100kg mehr auf den Hüften weiß man das.

Ich spüre die Blicke der Menschen jedes mal. Sie gucken schnell weg wenn ich ihn erwiedere , Aber ich sehe es.

Sollen sie doch denken was sie wollen !

Denke ich mir jedes mal , aber treffen tut es ein trozdem.

Ich weiß ich muss an mir arbeiten. Ich treibe Sport und esse nicht viel , aber es hilft nichts. Diäten und ich alle durch und an die Tatsache mir das Gegessene wieder abzuführen bin auch ich nicht vorbeigekommen . Aber nichts. Meine letzte Chance ist die Operation , welche mir zwei Drittel meines Magens kosten wird und vielleicht schaffe ich es dann endlich .

Vielleicht werd ich dann auch ein Mädchen , welches in unsere Gruppe passt ? Ein gleichberechtigtes Gruppenmitglied.

Das wäre schön.

[a-new-man-is-born]

Who am I?

For one, someone who has never blogged anything before, nor even used social media much at all for that matter. But as this is a new phase in my life, why not try something new, right?

I could talk a lot about my past, and what has brought me to where I am now, but for one thing it would be pretty boring, and for another it’s not the focus of what I’m doing here. So maybe a brief summary would be in order then move on.

I’m an introverted geek who has spent a lot of time gaming (single player RPGs, MMOs, and tabletop RPGs, collectible card games) and watching TV and movies. Nothing wrong with that of course, but what I wasn’t doing was more the problem. I wasn’t connecting with the people around me, I wasn’t smelling the metaphorical roses or living life. I ate poorly, I didn’t get much exercise. I moved desperately from one failed relationship to the next, not being aware of my needs or my partner’s needs. I buried myself in whatever diversion got me to the next week, month, year, without having to think too much about my life or what I was doing with it.

That’s probably an overly generalized and harsh summary, but there’s truth there too. So let’s leave it at that for the moment. That brings us to now. Who am I now? The answer is of course, I have no fucking clue. But I’m determined to find out.

I’ve reconnected with old friends whom I had let drift out of my life. I’ve discovered a wonderful woman who is introducing me to the fascinating world of polyamory and kink. I’m taking care of my body consistently for the first time ever. I’m discovering that people who are worth knowing and caring about and loving don’t have to fit into the narrow box that I confined myself to before (heterosexuality and monogamy I’m looking at you).

And that woman I mentioned...I don’t think I could have come as far as I have or would have the determination to keep going if I hadn’t met her. She says the most flattering things to me, and they’re hard to hear. But she’s unapologetically honest and open, and has a love for life and people that is inspirational, so I have no choice but to believe her. And when she smiles...my god when she smiles the world lights up, the darkness is driven back, and I believe anything is possible.

So anyway, who am I? Maybe I’ll find out. Or maybe it’ll remain a mystery, but by god I’m going to keep learning to love the people around me, the beautiful world around me, and myself. If I can do that, will it matter who I am?

[lovelygirlp-blog]

The monster inside me

There is a monster inside of me,

That doesn’t let me sleep,

When I smile it reminds me of why I shouldn’t,

It doesn’t allow me to be happy,

I always feel pressure, it’s like this extra weight on my back.

When I’m alone I feel scared.

Please leave me alone monster inside me.

[poecy-blog]

Anxiety

For as long as I can remember you have held me back from doing anything outside of calm. Kept my lips sealed, holding everyone's insecurities as my own. Kept my legs shaking with nerves for action But my mind filled with illusions and excuses I've had to push, shove, scream and intoxicate you to leave me be. I've thrown you off heights in hopes that you'll die I've stretched​ you past agony but you only retract I've strengthen myself only to find out that you have been scheming too Your contract of life is nothing more than corporate smooth talk But this year I revel near death. Strapped up with a smile and passion. I forgive your destruction, and deceitful tactics Self-hate is a consequence that derives from sinful manners Kept me on my toes, til I became skillful. A white light shines bright inside all this darkness, Self-Love is the cure for all this shyness. Kanye summed it up with "believe in your flyness" Open my eyes to the fact that you are I But I is an illusion Which makes you nothing But we are everything And we only have us in the end So lets love every second of it.

- G.V.

[paintsavvyart-blog]

That awkward moment when you thought you loved Beauty and the Beast as a child because Belle likes books and sings fun songs, but now you’re realizing that maybe it has something to do with the fact that you continuously find yourself drawn into relationships in which you are attempting to fix the other [emotionally scarred] person solely with the power of your love... Yeah. Psychology is fun, huh?

[learn-grow-change-blog]

You’re stronger than you think

A grown woman can handle anything thrown her way

That was my first mistake

Living too long in the opinion of others

Didn’t see my own strength

It was like Delilah cut my hair

And i was a slave to the world

But i thank God I’m a woman

We are the strongest creatures on earth

It was through birth that i was reborn

All of a sudden i have a brand new life to bring up

No one by my side

Like Solomon i was blind

Brainwashed to believe i couldn’t do it

Cried and cried

But those tears were prayers

Those tears were repetitions

Turning weakness into muscle

Every corner i turned i was pushed against a wall

But never did i stop fighting

Never did i stay down

My little guy needed me

I had to carry the both of us now

As my mind got stronger

The battles got larger

Still crying crying

Still working still growing

Finally i reached beast mode

Both physically and mentally

There’s nothing in this world that can stop me

There’s nothing in this world for me to fear

All the lies i heard for so long

They still try to creep back in my mind

But beast mode doesn’t hold back

YOU WONT WIN

Not this time

Surrounded by misery

I revoked the membership to that club

Ripped it up and filled my space with beauty

Daily kisses from my son

That’s all the love i need

I look into his eyes and i hear

Mommy you’re alive

We got this my child you and i

Us against the world

And i will always have your back

Lead by example and show you just how great you are

You are greater than mommy and will go so far

But until you’re ready to break away

I will carry you

For too long i was a prisoner of my environment

Now I’m bossed up

Only bosses allowed in my space

Miss me with that needy shit

Don’t bother with the games

My loyalty is strong

My value is increasing daily

If you can’t rock with the level im on

Fall back

And watch this queen reign

[emj-l]

Immobile, elle vit dans un monde à cent à l'heure.

Impatiente de croquer la vie, elle en oublie de la savourer mais l'engloutit avec une voracité meurtière.

Elle excelle dans l'art du tout va bien et s'y emprisonne avec un verrou de détresse.

Elle court et s'efforce d'éviter les ravins d'angoisse qui jonchent son chemin.

Mais comment échappe-t-elle à elle-même ?

Elle bouffe des couleurs et des sensations, s'empiffre de désirs, d'envies des autres en pensant que ça remplira son vide à elle.

Elle ne regarde plus en arrière, elle a arrêté depuis trop longtemps.

Et surtout, elle fait un tintamarre infernal qui installe un silence assourdissant dans les tréfonds de sa pensée.

[dare-n-do]

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Dare’N’Do: Irritation (02/2021) vor-/nachher Von Lilly Wellner Erwartungshaltungen existieren, Erwartungshaltungen werden nicht erfüllt, Erwartungshaltungen werden angepasst, Erwartungshaltungen existieren- 
 Irritationen haben immer einen Kontext, immer ein vorher und nachher. Die Abfolge von Davor-Irritation-Danach ist ein iterativer Prozess. Das Danach wird zum Davor. Das Davor wird zu einem anderen Danach. Das andere Danach wird zu einem anderen Davor. Durch diesen zyklischen Ablauf verändert sich der Blick auf das Geschehene und das Zukünftige. Die Verbindung von vorher und nachher ist die Irritation. Sie ist nie gleich. Im Video wird die Irritation ausgeklammert. Der Fokus liegt auf dem Wandel der Erwartungshaltung durch den zeitlichen Ablauf. See full video: http://darendo.com/irritation-vorhernachher/ *** http://darendo.com/irritation/ Seminarkonzept + Leitung: @natalie_weinmann 
(Chair for Design Foundations and experimental Design) #darendo #seminar #design #architecture #industrialdesign #textiledesign #spacefor #psychology #neurology #Wahrnehmung #phenomena #ad-hoc-confrontation #cross-disciplinary #interdisciplinary #transdisciplinary #irritation #experimental #unbiased #open-ended #designprocess #research #selfreflexion #study #university #architecturedesign #designinspiration #natalieweinmann @abk_id @abk_stuttgart @abk_architektur @abk_inkubator (hier: Staatliche Akademie der Bildenden Künste Stuttgart) https://www.instagram.com/p/CMZdDRsi7yt/?igshid=1l722fkcai591

[raynabell]

Forgivness

I have been working to understand forgivness this past week. I think I am starting to grasp what it is for. I don't believe when forgiving it is necessarily to a person, but instead forgiving of the pain and hurt caused. Cause when you hold on to the pain, every triggered moment of that memory can place you back into the sunken place. In trauma this is the most prominent. But to forgive the pain you release it you may still get a sting from triggers but it won't control you. You won't allow it to let you fall into the rabbit hole. Instead you let in drive you, allowing you to create, be better, shine brighter. Finding a way to forgive the pain. And when it returns try not to let is fester. Where your stuck in stagnant motion. Breath and let it go, know that you are stronger and in control....

#forgiveness #journalofselfhealing

[trash-can-prime]

Im seeing rainbows. This is what mania is.

[pigeon-to-eagle-blog]

Hey Y’all

New year, new us. Even though we move one day forward, the year changes and we have a feeling of rejuvenation that gives us the courage to try new and exciting things to make ourselves better.

Im here to spew my random thoughts, tid bits, and book recommendations into the world. Enjoy my words, or don’t. I’m good with both.

Hugs and Pugs,

TP

[mochizuki-universe-blog]

Late @ night or early day?

I cut my hair & i like it. My Birthday is over and for about 2 weeks everything seemed fine, but now again...

Everything is back and it hit me even harder now...

With round about 16 i was a mobbing victim and everyone (even teachers) said that it was nothing and I'm kind of overreacting. But i had my (few) friends by my side and i was "fine" (even though it's only now/after a few years that i can see it like this)

At the beginning of my 20. i started to work and even though I haded my job and people still badmouthed me, i felt like that my life only starts now and that i would see the world. At this time i was kinda happy with myself.

And now... At the beginning of my 30. (Yes,fuck... I'm this old)... I feel old and depressed. I don't even have a driving licence.... Not really seen much of the world, Not married or even close to...my place's a mess. I hate my current Job. Doing everything... All tasks my Chef should and getting so less money... It's simply unfair. This is really the unhappiest time in my life... So far

[partheniadis-blog]

Designing Interactions for Social Innovation

Recently, Athens metro stations were renovated to ‘fit’ European standards in public transportation. Apart from confusion, raise in travel costs and a drop in travelers’ experience this kitten gives hope and helps me as a designer question what is true social innovation and why nature always does it better than human made artifacts.  

Machines and interfaces ‘starving’ for personal data collection, communication and distribution of information create large gaps between humans and their organic nature. 

Organic said, it’s not only a term to be applied in architecture or product design for pleasing the eye and the touch. In this case, before the ticket systems were installed in Athens metro stations, the crowds would flow, bump, touch each other in random sequences. The bodies would exchange energies as each individual would rush to catch their train to their destination. Some would rush with anger, some with passion, some with wonder, some with extra levels of coolness. Sometimes it’s ideal to leave organisms function randomly and that for me is as close to organic as it can get.

Now deal with people at the queue with scents of anger.

Picture credits: Monastiraki, Athens © Ioannis Kasitsas

[lunadesoles7326-blog]

This journey I’ve made to the depth of myself taught me two things: no one’s ever gonna be able of being happy until does not get to know himself and happiness comes when you loves yourself no matter what.

The real me

By: Liú

2017 Sept