#self scrutiny
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1 Corinthians 10:31 — Today's Verse for Thursday, October 31, 2024
#God#Jesus#christianity#faith#honor God#serve God with your life#obey God's commandments#do not be a stumbling block to others#do not cause others to sin#self assessment#self scrutiny#analyze your actions#holy perfection#godly example#godly lifestyle#everything you do is ministry#lead souls to Christ#bible verse#heartlight
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Alex Albon for High Performance
It was this weird thing, because — for example with Yuki, I wanted to take his seat! He was a potential candidate that I could replace. And I remember having that chat with Helmut Marko, and he told me at the time, "You need to driver-coach this guy." And I was like, "I'm not going to. That's a potential seat." And he said, "No, he's already signed. He's guaranteed." So I was like (throws hands), "Okay, fine. Then I'll help him."
#alex albon#*#so many good quotes in this.... saying he only developed his competitive drive upon losing his childhood privileges amongst them#the continuous professional struggle against natural temperament & symptoms of empathy & selflessness truly gets me every time#alex's propensity for self-dissection but also his simultaneous understanding of the drawbacks of such awareness 😵💫#also#it is interesting that finally having his support systems in place and being the most mentally resilient he's ever been in his career#unintentionally stressed logan's rookie environment and replicated the media scrutiny & narratives he underwent his 2nd year with max#i will stop but..... alex albon i adore you
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I've always found Alexander Saburov interesting, especially P1 Rubin's take on him where he tells how Alexander in incognito saved people from burning house and went unrecognized for the deed (nor flaunted it). Wonderful and easy to miss characterization.
YES saburov's fucked up sense of performing duty by putting himself at risk... my favorite... have had thoughts brewing in response to this that aren't quite cooked enough yet but it's very much a gendered standard that he holds himself to IMO, of idealized masculinity as a responsibility. as an active role and as the way things must be done. making the choices that he thinks need to be made regardless of how bad they are for him. pairing beautifully with katerina's self-destructive attempts to conform to the extremely feminine-gendered role of mistress, pairing wonderfully with the two of them's catastrophic attempt to conform to the heteropatriarchal nuclear family archetype by adopting the changeling :^) and especially how this is a function of how saburov relates to his Job, a role that's been passed down in his family and Actually Is critical to the function of the Town, inescapably so as long as the system of rulers exists
#it Is a little funny to me that p1 showed this family structure being flawed so extensively (with all three rulers!) and now p2 is a You#Must Get A Wife And Kids Then Everything Will Be Fine simulator (...more or less w/ all three rulers but mostly re: the player).#alexander saburov#asks#anonymous#also stream ee's song Big Climb. I have no idea how it wasn't previously on my ee exclusive saburovs playlist but it's very them#further: I do think gender is a factor in saburov's vitriol towards peter/the architects (in this view of masculinity as self-discipline#/moderation. They Don't Do It Like That) and I think that's a fun field to explore in several directions. and to contrast with rubin who ha#a similar outlook about his own gender ('perfect valor' etc.) but is an outcast and out of the spotlight in a gay coded way; whereas#alexander and his wife are under the utmost scrutiny wrt being held to Gendered Positions in the town AND are bound by duty and history to#uphold its traditions. like. saburov has no escape that could result in a healthier relationship with gender#and if you're a wise-minded saburovs t4t enjoyer... well... The Layers Only Deepen#pathologic
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hrg. Wdym intimacy isn’t brutally murdering ppl?????? /silly
#art#self portrait#jthm#jthm inspired#emo art#procreate#i should post more#but also#i dont wanna be under scrutiny by the internet#what is net’s problem btw like pls i have a fulltime job i dont have time to argue w people abt discourse
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there are two wolves inside of you. One of them is fretting that you went through all the effort of making a new art account just to pigeonhole yourself once more into a specific fandom, which holds you back from exploring original art concepts that you care about. The other one came up with three separate ace attorney comic ideas in the last hour alone and isn't stopping anytime soon
#laurellala talks#am i unwell? perhaps#i also drew like 5 more sketchy comics i haven't posted#and a full colored drawing i haven't posted bc i'm overthinking if i need to attach comics to it also or post on its own#i want to draw more muppets interactions and come up with an actual theoretical muppets ace attorney case!#they would get to explore the muppet studio as a location aaa it would be so cuteee#and i'm in the middle of drawing a comic of miles and nick video calling and teasing a young trucy (i love trucy)#and i NEED to draw nick and maya interactions from trials and tribulations case 3 it's so sibling coded agh my heart#also i want to draw lisa basil in general the roboty software company lady#i want to design an ace attorney self insert called Laurel Lyre (you're a liar) and draw sprite expressions and character interactions#she would be an art student that Nick knew from college and she was painting a still life of the scene of the crime#and her painting has something different than how the crime scene looked which is used as proof in court#ALSOOO i had an idea for a silly comic of nick visiting miles in germany (platonic coded)#and of either a comic or short story idea of them going out to dinner together. This one is hard to explain but it would be good#I WANT TO DRAW FRANZISKA TOO i have an angst comic idea for her! And i want to draw her as a kid in dance class#i feel like she has so much scrutiny of herself which is very “i was in dance as a kid” coded. Ballet probably#I ALSO have a comic idea of a holiday party that took place before miles' murder trial but after steel samurai case#where miles begrudgingly talks to phoenix to avoid small talk with strangers and they talk about college#specifically like. it is canon to me that phoenix was in an improv group in college. That's where he learned to bluff. he's so silly#i also want to make a comic of the parents at trucy's school trying to sus out how old nick is#since he's only like what 17 years older than her?#I also want to make a gilmore girls joke but i can't tell if this is too dated to be funny. Do people know this show still#i had never watched it before so i just watched like half a season of it just to make a joke. It's cute.#What Else. I have like 5 animatic ideas but i need to ask my friend what she uses to make hers bc in the past I've used imovie on my phone#do not recommend#and if i don't draw everything RIGHT NOW i'm going to lose interest and nothing will get made!!!!!!#andandand I STILL NEED TO FINISH TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONSSSSS#i got sooo far i'm doing so well in the waitress case#i need to finish it so i can finally understand apollo justice and know what the HECK happened in that time skip#ace attorney
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What do you think uf papyrus's job would be on the surface?
Typically, I'm a big big fan of Ambassador Papyrus, or maybe like, Director of Human Relations or smth, depending on circumstances. I think he'd be pretty instrumental in helping get things on track, especially given that in UF, they can't rely on Asgore to do a lot of the political lifting he (probably) does in UT.
That being said, if things didn't pan out that way, it's hard to say! He’s very heavily influenced by those around him, and by the time the desire to "serve a purpose", I think he'd have to be in therapy for a while before he'd entertain making decisions prioritizing himself. And then there's so much on the surface! So many options, so many careers he could pursue, it'd probably be pretty overwhelming.
But I think he'd actually enjoy maybe like, traveling and writing books about nature and geology? Maybe dabble a bit in photography? Or maybe something like interior design, he loves atmospheric presence (even if he isn't exactly aware of it) and fine tuning things to be just so. I think anything that gave him an excuse to be a busy bee would be good for him lol
#it's honestly easy to imagine him enjoying most things. as long as he’s predominantly in control#wouldn't do well in a position under a lot of scrutiny. been there done that ough#ty for the ask <333#sorry I deleted the prompt post I got self conscious </3#but I appreciate it 🩵#sun spots#clear sky sunset#anonymous#underfell papyrus#uf edge
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me: going about my business
my brain: yeah but what would those piece of shit abusers think about you right now?? what would they judge you for? what kind of flaw would they point out?? would they approve anything about you?? how about you think about THAT for the next hour???
#its like being worried what the worst people on earth might think if they saw you#like who even cares their sins outnumber yours by millions#their opinions are worse than worthless they're self serving and manipulative and controlling#not to mention biased stupid unsourced bigoted shallow and incorrect#i should be thrilled they would think low of me#and yet my brain is like 'BUT WOULD THEY LIKE ME NOW???'#of course they wouldn't#they didn't like you when you were a toddler and they wont like you until the day they die lol#we don't need to be liked by monsters#we need to stay away from them#ugh#growing up around this kind of scrutiny really does a number on the brain
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The process of unmasking is a beautiful thing. My lack of emotiveness and tendency to listen to the same song on loop for hours at a time and love of constantly talking to myself all make me happy. It also scares away people who associate unmasked neurodivergent behaviors with serial killers. Win win!
#[/light-hearted]#[/joke]#honestly kind of hesitant to trust neurotypical-presenting ppl who are self-described lovers of true crime#the level of anxiety and scrutiny they might have about how people act is. exhausting. and can easily run abelist/pathologizing#meposting#neurodivergence#unmasking#neurodiversity#adhd#autism#it's been an hour of listening to Holier by Crosses and I'm feeling good#it loops so well hehe
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The thing that really bums me out about Sonny Kiss non renewal is that TK thinks she has a lot of potential. And that they could be back if they get really hot elsewhere.
What was Dark/Elevation for then? Was it not a means to elevate and showcase your roster that doesn’t get opportunities compared to others? Was it not meant for additional story and depth?
Sonny Kiss was, and still is, “hot”. Her storyline with Joey was perfection. There was clearly thought put into it between both wrestlers and what production would assist with.
Sure after that arc Sonny’s ‘story’ had a rough patch but that didn’t diminish her in ring skill whatsoever. She got high praises no matter the match she was in wether singles, duos, trios.
Why does she have to get “hot elsewhere” for you to notice her when she was in your company, on your roster, in your contacts. CALL THEM.
When Jade formed the Baddies, had dedicated sections, signs, hashtags, and a fresh storyline to AEW guess who was one of the wrestlers they teased on social media about joining Jade, Velvet, and Kiera? Sonny Kiss.
There could have been something monumental in AEW’s women’s division with that. It should have went somewhere. Her peers were clearly supportive of the idea. They were clearly close in the locker room and on media, even took photoshoots in matching gear. The Baddies were at their peak then.
Jade and The Baddies could have come out with Sonny Kiss, supported her matches and vice versa. It would have all be done in good light.
Sonny Kiss was perfect on Ring of Honor.
Was I a fan of the faction name Trustbusters? No. But how many times has AEW swept a concept under the rug when things don’t work out? It could have been tossed and no one would bat an eye. Faction name aside, the group offered vastly different styles to the program.
Ring of Honor has way better booking in the women’s division compared to Dynamite and Collision, in my opinion. Production looks, feels, and sounds vastly different from those shows as well. Each women’s match has more time compared to what we are given on tv and even if it isn’t they definitely feel better utilized.
I think they should have and still could dive into mixed tags and intergender wrestling there.
Sonny could have wrestled Abadon. Jade Cardgill, Leila Grey, Red Velvet, Kiera Hogan (during or after the storyline of the inevitable split of the Baddies) Kris Statlander. Penelope Ford. Trish Adora. To name a few.
Take a chance on the women’s division. Dare to be different.
Show more interest in what could be.
#aew#all elite wrestling#Ring of Honor#ROH#Sonny Kiss#I want Sonny Kiss to be booked where she is valued#I want her to be able to fully showcase her skills#where she is able to be her authentic self without being under the scrutiny of others#She is truly one of a kind a deserves only good things#🌹#wrestling rambles
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Honestly, I always find it weird how many instances I've seen of cis people wanting a token trans friend who, in reality, is self-loathing enough to hate their own existance and see cisness as the ideal. It's almost like a power-trip fantasy to find a trans person who despises either the way they are treated or their existance just to prove to themself that the only existance that's meaningful is a cis one.
And you can tell which cis person wants to meet token trans people if you don't give them the satisfaction of being the self-despising trans person, or even if you aren't completely self-hating.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#transphobia#transphobia tw#internalized transphobia#i don't blame any trans person if they are still dealing with internalized transphobia#but i find that some cis people are only interested in hearing the goriest parts of internalized transphobia#as though it proves that cisness is the ideal rather than society treats trans people so poor that we internalize that treatment?#and it's weird the pressure i used to put on myself to be the Token Transsexual#because i thought i'd only be valied by the majority of people if i wanted myself dead too#and that's a tortuous way to live. it isn't the ninth circle of hell it's its own damn circle#i definitely don't think that this is inherent to being trans but it is also not an experience separate from transness#the shame and self-hatred come from the fact that not only are you under scrutiny by others but your existance is seen as questionable...#...at best and at worst it is a social contagion meant to be squandered from society by any means. it can be hard to navigate that#because trans existance is as joyful as it is scary. it is a two-sided coin for many people#i don't want to scare people with this - i don't think every cis person you meet will be like this#i don't think there is threat in every atom against trans people. i think our world is just a complicated mess#and that is a part of life sure - but this is a mess we *can* clean up#i dunno i'm just rambling and waffling and raving
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god damn this game is so racist when it wants to be
#no scrutiny about having the enemies in your East Asian chapter be insects?#no self awareness about mixing Chinese ming dynasty pottery with japanese samurai shit?#having your protagonists outfit be a rip-off kimono?#having sculptures of geishas with their breasts exposed?#I am a known idiot but if I’m picking up on this games errors then come on#I’m sure someone wrote somewhere that ‘actually this is an insight into victorian orientalism - the mixture of cultures is the point#it illustrates their ignorance!’#but that’s such a cop out#beyond that it’s fucked that the lawyer character who is interested in the aesthetics of the east is villainised#like his ‘love’ for East Asian aesthetics was a sign of his untrustworthiness#which is also shite
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god are you ever just like. wow i can fully see how i'm just a walking reaction to my own deep psychic wounds and it's deeply humiliating
like no, my awareness of that won't actually stop me from seeking affirmation of my own acceptability—which of course i'm never able to believe for more than a nanosecond before the Sludge rushes back in to envelop me, like that art installation where the robot is forever futilely attempting to corral a pool of blood with a scraper—by making what superficially feel like (and hopefully appear to others to be!) ordinary social bids @ friends/you all wrt topics of minor debate
but it sure will make me feel even more self-conscious and ashamed of my own behavior (my own Being, really) even as i enact it!
#one hopes there's a path out of this trap somewhere#but i really can't say it's visible to me…#just very like. what is a man but a bundle of reflexes writ large. activated by every passing tap & twitching uncontrollably & unbecomingly#with then a layer of censorious self-scrutiny applied after the fact. feels bad lol#the psyche
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The belief that all lower-class women were sexually active meant that working class women friends were suspected of sexual activity, and from 1700 single women friendships came under scrutiny and suspicion. Working-class women living and working together could be separated by the labour laws, which allowed magistrates to rule how and where women worked. Four women at South Milton, Devon, who had been self-sufficient in a spinning house together, were ordered to go into domestic service, where they would almost certainly be separated.
"Normal Women: 900 Years of Making History" - Philippa Gregory
#book quote#normal women#philippa gregory#nonfiction#lower class#classism#sexism#18th century#friendship#scrutiny#suspicious#working class#separated#labor laws#magistrate#south milton#devon#self sufficiency#spinning house#domestic service
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you know. it is genuinely insane that we've somehow ended up in a culture that treats the human body as inextricably tied to sex and therefore filled with sin, and also, if it's not very beautiful, unspeakably gross and a crime to inflict the sight of upon others, and then this same culture turns around and says 'okay if you wanna go swimming you gotta get pretty much naked :)'
#lookin up swimsuit refs and like. how did we collectively get so fucking weird about bodies and also land on swimsuits that look like that#like! it's no wonder people get so anxious about going to the beach!!#your body is a SIN and also-- statistically speaking-- probably also DISGUSTING TO BEHOLD. enjoy swimsuit shopping idiot#I... have a weird glitch in my brain that turns off body self consciousness if I'm swimming#which is great news because I definitely fall under 'your body is hideous and making other people see it is Bad of you' by modern standards#but a lot of people... a LOT of people. A LOT of people. feel uncomfortable about being seen in revealing and formfitting non-clothes#and no fucking wonder!! a woman in a bikini is basically naked and there's nothing that comes under scrutiny like a woman's body#we're forced into this stupid awful catch-22 of social pressures and norms that we didn't even ASK FOR#how did this HAPPEN!! it's fucking EVIL
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I'm kinda working on something but every time I start to hate myself for something I did years ago I'm going to think "does anyone besides you remember this?" "Did this hurt anyone?"
#99% of the time it didnt by the way#look.#if 99% of your self hate is coming from i was 12 and said something dumb its time to let go#would you impose this scrutiny on a 12 year old now. no#and as a person you are not different. its time to let go.
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whatever the quote is about you don't look nearly as bad as you think you do in photos is absolutely true can confirm.
#looking at my parents facebook (aka time capsule) photos and almost crying#☝🏻not crying tho because im around family!#because i just look so clueless#i thought i knew everything#I THOUGHT I KNEW EVERYTHING AT THE AGE OF 13#stupid girl#i love her#shes so confused and pretty#i will say that ten years from now about my current self#beauty of living and learning#i thiught i looked bad man what the fuck#i can literally see me morphing into my tomboy phase omg#covering myself up to be free from male scrutiny#i remember just thinking that was my style#fack
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