#self reblog bc I posted this late last night

[feyrescourt]

This is a long and rambly discussion post for elriel nation btw so strap in

I want to preface this by kindly asking the elriel hive to not use any tags of #those ships if reblogged. I want to keep this in the elriel echo chamber. Please and thank u!

A huge part of fandom culture is to ship canonically compliant characters and crack ships. Everyone’s got them, and it’s totally normal, and it’s usually fun to engage with.

The majority of the time I have no issue with this (I am a wolfstar shipper and even though there is canonical evidence of them in the original HP books, they’re widely accepted online and balked at IRL usually due to homophobia and #that nasty, nasty woman’s bigotry), but over the last few years a certain group of crack shippers have taken it upon themselves to fly a little too close to the sun, and want to make it our (elriels) problem. I am talking about the Glees.

It’s late and this just popped into my head so I want to rant about it.

My friend who got me into ACOTAR gave me a breakdown of the ships (bc I read ToG first and went in blind. I became a doraelin shipper very early on and remained one halfway through QoS, it was a whole thing when I realized they were not end game lol), bc I asked her to after my ToG experience. She told me all the characters names and then told me about feysand and nessian endgames but didn’t mention az or elain’s situation. I asked her about it and she told me that she didn’t want to mention much about Az because “by the end of the series azriel has two options for how his story could go, elain or another way”. She shared some anti elain sentiment with me because she’s “boring and doesn’t do anything”. That went in one ear and out the other with me tbh.

When I started acowar, and feyre returned to the night court, I saw how elain and azriel were interacting and I concluded that mor was the second LI of az bc of acomaf. I was not apart of the fandom online at this point, so I was genuinely in the dark about everything around these two. I was just reading and talking to my friend about what I read. I also want to add that I still liked L*cien at this point in the series (it changed in acofas, I became apathetic towards him rather quickly when I finished reading that whiny ass convo with feyre…..I don’t play when it comes to her) but wasn’t sold on eluce because they had like one interaction and it wasn’t a great intro to a ship.

However this first meeting in acomaf….. :)

‘Can you truly fly?’ He set down his fork, blinking. I might have even called him self-conscious. He said, ‘Yes. Cassian and I hail from a race of faeries called Illyrians. We’re born hearing the song of the wind.’ ‘That’s very beautiful,’

“Rhys chuckled, Cassian’s wrath slipping enough that he grinned, and Elain, noticing Azriel’s ease as proof that things weren’t indeed about to go badly, offered one of her own as well.”

Well imagine my surprise when I finished acowar and it turns out mor (the person az has crushed on for 500 years) comes out to feyre before the book ends and she explains that she can never love az the way he loves her. After three books, and everything that happens in acowar it was clear to me that elain and azriel were being set up as each others love interests, despite the mating bond with l*cien.

After Acofas I was officially on the elriel train. I mean…

“Azriel strode to the lone window at the end of the room and peered into the garden below.”

“Azriel emerged from the sitting room, a glass of wine in hand and wings tucked back to reveal his fine, yet simple black jacket and pants. I felt, more than saw, my sister go still as he approached. Her throat bobbed.”

“But Azriel only took Elain’s heavy dish of potatoes from her hands, his voice soft as night as he said, ‘Sit. I’ll take care of it.’ Elain’s hands remained in midair, as if the ghost of the dish remained between them. With a blink, she lowered them, and noticed her apron. ‘I—I’ll be right back,’ she murmured, and hurried down the hall before I could explain that no one cared if she showed up to dinner covered in flour and that she should just sit.”

“Elain swept in, apron gone and hair rebraided. ‘Please don’t wait on my account,’ she said, taking the seat at the head of the table.”

“He [Azriel] was the portrait of relaxed, an arm braced against the carved mantel, his wings tucked in loosely, a faint grin on his face and a glass of wine in his hand. He slid his hazel eyes toward my sister without him moving an inch.”

“Azriel and Elain remained in the sitting room, my sister showing him the plans she’d sketched to expand the garden in the back of the town house, using the seeds and tools my family had given her tonight. Whether he cared about such things, I had no idea.”

(Damn the more I read elriel’s acofas moments the more I can’t help but conclude that they just hate/don’t understand introverts 😭)

Before I started SF, I decided to look at the online fandom and bitch……my jaw hit the floor with all the elain/elriel hate I saw on TT. And everyone was talking about a newer character in SF, and I was seeing the glee fan art and was like oh shit ok maybe elriel isn’t endgame.

Fast forward to SF……

‘What happened to Elain?’

“Nesta saw the blow land, like a physical impact, in Elain’s face, her posture. No one spoke, though shadows gathered in the corners of the room, like snakes preparing to strike. Elain’s eyes brightened with pain.”

……and I’m thinking ok, az obviously likes her. Then comes az’s BC. When I finished the elriel portion of the BC I was actually crying bc I was like oh fuck I really love these two….I knew it was over for me, and I was freaked out bc I thought I was going to get got with this “new ship” involving az. Plus I was thinking about elain being left alone in the dark without any explanation and feeling like an idiot for finally showing her true feelings towards him😭. It was like 3AM when I read it so I was hyper emotional lol. But then I read the rest of the BC and was still confused because I didn’t see any romantic subtext with g/wyn. I read it and saw a hurt male who couldn’t stand what he had done to elain the night before, was pissed at his brother for stopping it and making him feel bad when he was finally willing to voice what he’s been feeling for the past year or so and hating that he was shut down because we know he never voices his emotions, and couldn’t bear keeping a gift he picked out specifically for her. A necklace…..for solstice……Then I finished SF as a whole, and still, was confused as to why glee is a ship. Nearly all of their conversations were centered around training, and Sarah didn’t use any descriptors in their encounters that elude to any romance or mutual interest. (Btw I have a whole take on rhys’ part in that BC and I think a lot of ppl are dense and don’t understand what he was going through in that book but I can save that for another time)

Cassian and Feyre have more chemistry than those too lol.

I then talked to my friend about the these ships (elriel, eluce, and glee) ((i didn’t talk about eluce much in this post but that’s a lifeless ship too. I mean…..she can’t stand that red head anyway soooo)), and I said “I’m an elriel through and through. Idc that eluce are claimed to be mates you can tell she does not like him. also glee makes no sense to me.” Not verbatim but you get the point. My friend is very sensible so by the end of our convo, she told me that she’ll accept whatever way Sarah goes and that she’ll give elain a chance when her book comes out.

But isn’t that what all of this shit is about in the end: unjustified dislike/distain/hate for elain? That’s certainly how is appears to me. You cannot look me in the eyes and tell me that you love elain if you ship her with a male whom she has expressed, on multiple occasions, zero interest in AND becomes a shell of herself when he’s around because she just doesn’t want to interact with him. (I want to reiterate that I don’t hate L, I don’t think he’s awful or anything. elain just doesn’t want to know him. And that’s her right.) The glees don’t like her bc she doesn’t fit their stereotype for what they want in an FMC and therefore, for azriel. Which is why they have been chirping that the next book will be azriel’s. Not elain’s….WHAT??? You sound fucking crazy. The eluces (even though they claim they like her) dislike her so much that they go on and on about how she needs to grovel and apologize to the male they like because HE deserves to be happy……the same male who she associates with one of the most traumatic days of her life. Who also has not apologized to her for the part he played in that day, but I digress.

I say all that to point out that Glee specifically is in the crack ship category. No canonical evidence in the text can be used to claim they are ‘mates’ or endgame or anything more than acquaintances. And that’s fine, but don’t act as though they’re to be taken seriously as a canon ship when there’s no evidence to support it. Don’t boldly claim that azriel “has two love interests” when he literally doesn’t. He can’t sleep because of elain. He can’t stop thinking about her. He’s short with his family and others around him the days and weeks following solstice. His shadows threaten to strike nesta when she hurts elain and causes her pain. He doesn’t assign his spies to watch L*cien in acofas because he doesn’t want to know if he’s trying to court elain. He goes full lethal when he hears she may have been hurt. He follows the sound of her laugh to see what caused it. He goes on a suicide mission to save her. They communicate through looks alone when their family is around. Have you read an SJM book before? This is how she sets up her relationships. Like, holy fuck.

You cannot claim elriel is a crack ship because they have had background build up that both FMCs in their respective books have noticed and commented on. Cassian has noticed it too DESPITE not being hyper aware of what’s going on with az in SF. (referencing the scene in SF where elain tells everyone at family dinner about nesta’s love for dancing and the ball story from when they were human).

This ship war shit is fucking crazy because really this should only be between elriel nation and the eluces. Anyway, I’m over dealing with the fever dream brigade and their hallucinations. They’re going to come crashing down like Icarus when the elriel bible release day arrives and all our suffering will finally come to an end.

Then after that I’ll need to defeat the tamlin redemption arch threats, bc that is not a claim, that’s a fuckin threat and I won’t stand for it. But let’s tackle one problem at a time.

Pink: side notes/thoughts that give more context to my points

Blue italics: convos I’ve had being referenced

Purple: elriel moments <3

[taughtdefense]

ROMANTIC INCLINATIONS. ( bold what applies to your muse, italicize if there's potential / it depends. repost, don't reblog. note: all is relevant to every member of the ot5... bc i don't feel like making four separate posts rn. )

holding hands (in public) · buying flowers · cooking · cuddles · writing a poem / song · holding door open · tying shoe laces · sharing a milkshake with two straws · offering their jacket when it's cold · kissing in the rain · publicly confessing love · long walks at the beach · doing the titanic pose on a boat · taking cute pictures in a photobooth · sharing a taxi / uber ( prefers to drive himself, rather than uber ) · kissing the back of their hand · slow dancing · getting tickets of their favorite artist / sports team / other · introducing them to their parents · lighting candles · flower petals on bed · love letters · star gazing · brushing / doing their hair · picnics · teaching them to play an instrument / sport while gently guiding their hands · compliments · late night drives · taking selfies together · drawing them · self-made gifts · massages · proposing with a family heirloom ring ( he made the rings himself, so the rings aren't heirlooms... but wade & vanessa DID approve of the final designs ! ) · lending them their favorite book to read · paying for dinner / coffee · mixtapes / playlists · surprise birthday parties · feeding them · handing them keys to their apartment · making space in drawer for their clothes when they stay over · sharing a blanket · couple costumes · tucking a hair strand behind their ear · running after them at the airport / keeping them from leaving · moving cities to be together · blowing a kiss · breakfast in bed · defending them in a fight (verbally / physically) · joint bubble baths · dropping the L-bomb ("i love you") · dedicating a song at the karaoke bar to them · wearing their clothes · yawning before putting an arm around them while watching a movie · grant them the last bite (from meal)

tagging: @taughtpain , @taughtmercy , @dunbalpha , @stcrgirl , @loetise , @dvarapala , @maidmyth , @tailtucked , @naturallyglamorous & @camptw1nk

[tickly-trashcan]

afternoon-ish self-reblog bc i posted this so late last night LOL

What Goes Around... {Zane, Cole, Kai, and Jay}

A/N: okay my bad i totally ignored that poll bc i wanted to post this so bad LOL i literally wrote this in almost an entire sitting HELP ME i went absolutely bonkers after @/jettorii posted some art (go check them out right now!!) and i just. yeah. anyways!! i think this is so so funny and i think these guys are goofy as hell and i just. yeah. i am gonna stop talking now bc i literally spent so much brainpower writing this i cant think anymore LOL

Summary: Zane keeps walking in on his fellow ninja getting tickled. But you know what they say: what goes around, comes around!

Word Count: 2.3k (under the cut!)

“Nononohohoho!!! Jay, get ohohohoff!” Cole wheezed, kicking his legs weakly as he tried to shake Jay off of him. Jay only laughed, scribbling his fingers all over Cole’s sides as Cole hollered, pounding his fists into the ground.

Zane walked into the room after hearing the commotion, holding back a laugh as he witnessed Cole desperately trying to wiggle away from Jay. Cole was laying on his belly while Jay straddled his back, tickling him mercilessly. Cole wailed, looking up and seeing Zane.

“Zahahahane!! Hehehelp me, plehehehease!!”

Zane raised an eyebrow, noticing where Jay was tickling Cole. “Jay, why aren’t you tickling his ribs? Isn’t he more ticklish there?”

“You are so right!! Thanks, Zane!”

“Why!? Zahahahane, dohohon’t leheHEAVE!! JAhahay!!” Cole screeched when Jay found his ribs, digging in lightly as Cole tried to clamp his arms down, squirming around frantically.

“Ha! Now you’ll think twice before you try and mess with my stuff!”

“Thehehen don’t leave your – HAha! Don’t leheheave your juhunk all over the plahahace!”

“Junk!? What are you calling junk? You asked for it…!”

Zane walked away quickly before it escalated further, chuckling to himself as he heard Cole shriek again from down the hall, begging for Jay to stop. He didn’t particularly know exactly what had been happening, but Cole had probably done something he shouldn’t have.

Zane went to work on dinner, but he could still hear Cole laughing down the hallway. When he finally called for dinner he heard footsteps running down the hall. Jay peeked his head in and commented on how delicious it smelled.

“Where’s Cole?” Zane asked, dishing up some food for Jay as Kai walked in as well.

Jay chuckled. “He’s recovering.”

Kai looked at Jay with a worried face. “What do you mean… ‘recovering’?”

Jay shrugged and then explained to Kai how Cole had knocked over one of the things he’d been working on with some parts that his parents had sent him. Kai only rolled his eyes before taking a plate from Zane.

Cole eventually walked in, his face a resting scowl as he glared at Jay. He walked up to Zane, who dished him up some food as well. He narrowed his eyes at Zane as he took the plate. He quickly sat down next to Kai, staring down Jay. Jay stared back, raising an eyebrow.

“What are you glaring at me for?”

“What do you think!?”

Kai sighed. “Can we have a peaceful dinner, please? Nya’s already been bugging me to the point of a headache.”

Jay snorted. The dinner was quiet aside from the typical chatter, and Nya and Sensei Wu eventually came in as well, sitting down at the table to eat with the ninja. 

The next day, Zane was sitting in the bedroom meditating. They were docked for a little while as Jay and Nya did some repairs, so Zane was taking advantage of the quiet.

That quiet only lasted for so long, however. There was a sudden screech from the deck, making Zane jump up in alarm. He ran outside, but his worries washed away as he noticed Kai and Cole on the ground wrestling. The two of them were probably training. Zane sighed and was about to turn back in when the screeching turned to laughter.

“Dohohohon’t you dahahare! Cohohole, I swehehehear–!”

“You started it! I totally won that last round, but you’re too stubborn to admit it!”

“I’m nohohot stubborn!! You’re stubbohohorn!!”

Cole snorted, going back to squeezing Kai’s hips as he threw his head back and hollered.

Zane chuckled as he walked over to Kai and Cole, crossing his arms as he watched Kai flailing around like as if he were fighting for his life. Cole had him pinned with his leg, squeezing his hips as Kai rolled around as much as he could.

“Zahahahane! Sahahave me!!”

“Pfft, like he would. He totally stabbed me in the back yesterday!”

Zane furrowed his brows at Cole. Cole only shrugged. “What? You did!”

“It was because Jay wasn’t tickling you right. I mean, you’re not tickling Kai right, either. He’s much more ticklish on his feet.”

Cole’s eyes widened and he looked down at Kai, smirking evilly. Kai shook his head wildly, giggling nervously. “Cole– Cole, let’s talk about this!!”

“Thank you very much for the intel, Zane!”

“Zane, plehehease, you neeheed to heheHEHELP!! Cole, not thehehehehere!!!”

While Kai was trying to get Zane to help, Cole quickly put Kai’s ankles in a leglock. He scribbled his fingers all over the soles, making Kai throw his head back and practically yell. He tried to kick his legs around, wiggling and squirming as he cackled.

“Zahahahane!! Trahahaitor!!”

Zane rolled his eyes. “You’ll live.”

Zane quickly scuttled away as Cole scratched at Kai’s feet. Kai was bright red when Zane turned around for one last glance, and his laughter was echoing across the deck of the Bounty.

Zane returned to his meditation and managed to clear his head a little bit before Jay walked in. He was grumbling and he had grease all over his face as Zane chuckled. “You have a little something on your face, Jay.”

“Yeah, Zane, I know. I was fixing this little… Ugh, I don’t even remember what it’s called. My brain is fried.”

Zane hummed. “Take a rest. Want to meditate?”

Jay groaned. “Thanks, but no thanks. I think I’ll just avoid Nya for a little while. She’s better at the Bounty repairs than I am.”

Zane chuckled and Jay wiped his face of grease. Kai and Cole eventually walked in as well. Cole had a rather smug look on his face while Kai looked like he was still catching his breath, shooting glares at Cole and Zane.

“My feet are still tingling…” Kai grumbled, making Cole laugh.

“Does that mean you have… Tingle Toes?”

Zane, Kai, and Cole all turned to look at Jay with rather unamused faces. “Do… Do you guys get it? Like twinkle toes but with tingles. Tingle Toes! Hahaha… I’ll stop.”

The four of them eventually went off to do their own thing again, with Kai and Jay going to check on Nya while Cole and Zane started dinner.

“Cole, can I trust you to not burn this?” Zane asked, setting his apron down for a moment. Cole rolled his eyes.

“Of course, you can!! I’m not Kai!”

Zane hesitantly left the kitchen, going onto the deck in order to check on Kai, Jay, and Nya. “Dinner’s almost ready, you guys. Probably another five minutes–”

“Kai, plehehehease!! I was juhuhust kidding!!”

Nya walked by Zane on her way in, sighing dramatically. “Zane, can you de-escalate them? I’ll go make sure that Cole doesn’t burn dinner.”

Zane mouthed a quick “thank you” and went over to where Kai and Jay were. Kai had his arm wrapped around Jay’s waist while he dug under his arm, making Jay squeal and snort as he tried to wiggle out of Kai’s arm.

“Zahahahane! I didn’t dohoho ahahahanything wrong!! Dohohon’t listen to Kahahai!”

“He’s a total liar, Zane! He was flirting with Nya right in front of my face! Do you even understand how traumatizing that is, Jay?”

“I’m an ohohohonly child!!” Jay retorted. Kai scoffed.

“Zane, where should I tickle him?”

Jay shook his head, squirming. “Dohohon’t tell him!!”

Zane chuckled. “You don’t know it’s his stomach?”

“Zahahahane!!!” Jay squealed, shrieking when Kai immediately began to claw at his tummy. Jay’s knees buckled and he fell to the ground, Kai following as he used both hands to scribble across his tummy.

“Thank you, Zane! We’ll be in for dinner in… What did you say, five minutes?”

“I’m gohohohonna die!! Zahahahane, plehehehease!!”

Zane turned around. “Gotta make sure dinner doesn’t burn.”

Zane could hear Jay pleading for him to come back while Kai tickled him to bits. Even as Zane closed the door to the kitchen, Jay could still be heard. 

Nya and Cole were standing by the food, Nya stirring the pot while Cole watched. “Thank you for de-escalating, Zane.”

Cole chuckled. “He probably just made it worse.”

Nya rolled her eyes. “Jay had it coming.”

Cole and Zane nodded in agreement.

Jay and Kai eventually walked into the kitchen, Kai looking triumphant as ever while Jay was bright pink and teary, waving weakly to Nya. He sat down quickly before Kai noticed him waving, leaning against the table for support.

The group chatted during dinner, Jay joining in as soon as he had fully recovered from the tickle attack he had suffered earlier. Nya and Zane cleaned up while the rest of the group went to the bedroom, getting ready to finally go to bed.

“Urgh, I ate too much,” Jay complained, rubbing his tummy while he laid on his bed. Kai snickered, poking him there as Jay jumped. “I will literally kick you off the Bounty, Kai. No more tickles!”

Cole laughed, nudging Kai. “Lemme guess: Zane told you one of Jay’s spots?”

“Yeah, it’s only fun when you’re not on the receiving end,” Kai said, shooting a quick glare at Cole, who held his hands up in defense. Jay whined.

“He totally betrayed me! I wasn’t even doing anything wrong!”

Kai raised an eyebrow at Jay. “Are you serious?”

Before Jay could dig his own grave again, Cole interrupted. “Well, do you guys know who hasn’t been on the receiving end yet?”

Kai’s eyes widened as he realized what Cole was suggesting, a big grin growing on his face. Jay furrowed his brows until he caught on, sitting up with a grin. Just as the three of them unanimously decided on what to do, the door opened. They all turned to see Zane walking in, yawning as he closed it behind him. He stopped.

“...Why are you all staring at me?”

“We’re not staring at you,” Jay said, still staring at Zane. 

Zane nodded his head slowly, walking over to his bed. “Okay… Uhm… Goodnight?”

“Wait, Zane, I want a goodnight hug,” Cole said quickly, making Kai choke on a laugh. Jay fell back on his bed giggling as Zane chuckled.

Cole quickly gave Zane a big hug, lifting him off the ground as Zane groaned. He pat Cole’s back when he set him down, shifting after a few moments. “You can let me go now.”

“Nope, not yet,” Cole smirked. He quickly scooped Zane up by hooking his arms under Zane’s, lifting him off the ground as Zane gasped.

“Wait, Cole, put me down!” Zane kicked his legs a bit as Kai and Jay started to walk up to him, raising their hands. His eyes widened as he shook his head. “No wait, you guys!”

“Where should we tickle him, Cole?”

Cole hummed, Zane already giggling nervously as Jay hovered his hands over his torso. “Why don’t we try the spots he said for us? What were they, Zane?”

Zane clamped his mouth shut, his face twisted into a nervous smile as Kai laughed. “He’s suddenly very quiet! We could start with his belly. That’s where I got Jay.”

“Hey!”

Kai ignored Jay’s offended tone and poked Zane’s tummy a few times, making him squirm in Cole’s arms as he giggled a few times. Jay followed, scribbling at his lower tummy as Zane squeaked, trying to wiggle away from Jay. Kai tickled the sides of his stomach and Zane gasped, breaking out into a fit of giggles as the two of them tickled him.

“Nohohoho! This isn’t fahahair!”

“It totally is! You were exposing us left and right earlier!!” Jay pointed out, giving Zane’s hips a quick squeeze. Zane jolted, kicking his legs out a bit as Kai and Jay avoided it. He whined, trying to pull his arms free as he pushed lightly at Kai and Jay’s faces.

“Where else, Cole?”

“Try his ribs!”

Jay stayed tickling Zane’s stomach while Kai began to dig into his ribs, making Zane shriek uncharacteristically before laughing, twisting from side to side to try and avoid Kai’s tickly fingers. It didn’t help that Cole was holding his arms up, completely exposing his ribs as Kai tickled him. Jay scribbling his fingers all over his stomach didn’t help either as Zane laughed.

“Stahahahap! I’m sohohohorry!! Plehehehease, no mohore!”

“You could always tell us your spot, Zane! Maybe then this would go quicker!” Cole snickered, but Zane shook his head.

“Nohohoho!”

“I’m gonna try his feet,” Jay said, reaching for Zane’s ankle. He pulled his leg away, kicking it out of Jay’s reach for a few moments before Jay finally managed to catch it. He laughed triumphantly and began to scribble his fingers all over his foot, making Zane yelp. He kicked his foot around, his other leg flailing uselessly as Jay chuckled.

Kai crept up towards Zane’s upper ribs, making him shriek and shake his head, squirming. “Nohoho! Kai, dohohon’t!!”

“Don’t what?” Kai smirked, slowly bringing his hands up higher. Zane whined, trying to tug his arms down as he laughed profusely. “I don’t think Zane even needs to tell us! His spot is right… here!”

Kai quickly dug his fingers under Zane’s arms, making him shriek and cackle, squirming around frantically as the rest of the group laughed with him. Zane tried to squirm away, laughing and wiggling as Kai scribbled under his arms.

“Nohohohot thehehehere!! Kahahai, please!! No mohohohore!!”

“Should we cut him some slack?” Cole finally asked. Kai and Jay exchanged a glance and ceased their tickling. Cole set Zane down on his bed as he continued to giggle, gently swatting Cole’s hands away as he curled up.

“I cahahan still feeheel it,” He whined. 

“We’re even now, right?”

Zane nodded quickly, making the group laugh as they all finally tucked into bed. They all said goodnight, but Zane’s residual giggles could still be heard for a little while, putting smiles on everyone’s faces.

[starglow-xx]

retrouvaille

nakajima atsushi x f!reader

fandom: bungou stray dogs

content: hurt comfort, fluff

warning! : mentions of abuse

type of work: one-shot

synopsis: he left the orphanage, and that meant he had to leave you too; fortunately, this time, it seems like the universe was on your side

a/n: this is kinda self indulgent bc ive been feeling kinda down lately...?? and this has been sitting in my drafts for a while now and i havent posted in a while so killing three birds w/ one stone ig

the word retrouvaille is a french noun...

The moment you stepped foot into the armed detective agency, heterochromia eyes met your (e/c) ones.

You notice several agents talking and walking over to assist you, but you drown them out only having focus on the gray haired male ten feet away from you.

Said male takes a small step forward with uncertainty and disbelief laced in his voice.

“(y-y/n)...?” 

At the sound of your name, your eyes immediately begin to water and with pure relief in your voice, you softly sob his name; the name of the boy who comforted you when you were both still in that wretched place.

“Atsushi...”

With all hesitation gone, Atsushi runs over to you shoving through his surprised and confused coworkers and wraps his arms tightly around you.

The force of the hug causes the both of you to stumble and harshly crash to the ground beneath you.

But the two of you didn’t care.

In his arms was a person Atsushi thought he’d never be able to see again.

In his arms was the same girl who snuck him food from the kitchens, the girl who stole medical supplies from the infirmary to treat his wounds, to take care of him when he was sick, and the girl who received punishment after punishment for insisting on staying with him inside his damn cell.

You gave him happiness in place where he should’ve never been able to receive it.

As if he ever felt like he deserved it in the first place.

You’re too good for him, but yet you still chose him.

You, his sweet and kind, his so very kind, and so very beautiful girlfriend, chose him, the cursed, good for nothing orphan.

The orphanage staff treated you considerably better before the two of you were acquainted, so Atsushi knew he was the problem. That he was the reason why tears would fall onto your beautiful face, why bruises and scars would litter your arms and legs, and why the staff would call you awful, degrading nicknames about you and or your virtue.

He had always thought that he wasn’t good for you, that he didn’t deserve you, that you could do better, but you stayed by his side regardless of his fears and insecurities, and provided him the strength and comfort he had always been deprived of.

And to his very surprise, he found that you found your own strength and comfort in him.

So he knew that you must of cried for weeks after he was kicked out, that you must’ve been devastated to wake up one morning only to learn that he was gone without a trace.

There wasn’t a single day that he never thought of you.

Atsushi wanted to go back for you, he really did; he wanted to storm into the orphanage with members of the armed detective agency, his new family, right at his tail before eventually reuniting with you.

But he didn’t do that.

Ultimately, he chose to leave you out of the mess that came with his job knowing that you would be eventually targeted and used against him if anyone found out about what he had with you.

So he kept quiet.

No mafioso, government agent, foreign organization, nor agency member had a clue about your connection with him, much less your existence.

He told himself that when things have calmed down by a considerable amount, he would go back and get you, with or without the agency backing him up.

Unfortunately, he knew that time of peace was far from the present.

But to see you, in your beautiful glory, standing at the threshold of the agency? 

His original plan to keep you away from Yokohoma flew out the damn window. 

At the sight of you, his heart did backflips and his legs almost gave out. 

Ignoring the jelly feeling in his legs and the loud pounding of his heart, he raced around the desks and his coworkers—nearly fully crashing into Dazai in the process—to once more engulf you into his arms.

As for you?

When you saw him, you felt like you were going to pass out.

Your legs grew weak, your entire body was shaking, and tears started to fall down your face.

He was here.

He was safe and he was alive.

You mourned his abrupt disappearance from the orphanage and spent most of your time worrying about his well being.

The staff thought you were pathetic, that you sulked and cried over someone who they thought should disappear off the face of the earth.

They could insult and beat you all you want, but you drew the line when it came to Atsushi.

Finally having enough of everything, you planned your escape.

You were patient; you never jumped the gun nor gave anything away. You planned everything to the very last, minute detail, and after a few more months of abuse and waiting, you put your plan into action and left in the dead of night.

Thankfully, a kind old couple took you after you had collapsed in the streets. You worked job after job after job to return everything they had spent on your behalf even after they had told you not to worry about it.

And after another few weeks, you finally caught wind of your lost boyfriend tracking him down to Yokohoma through an old newspaper article.

Knowing your boyfriend, and yourself, you knew that tears would easily escape both of your eyes due to the long duration of your separation, but you weren’t expecting to find yourself crashing onto the floors of the armed detective agency curtesy of Atsushi. 

But, you wouldn’t have it any other way because in your arms was the boy who gave you comfort during the most darkest days in the orphanage, the boy who laid you in his lap or on his stomach stroking your hair so you would fall asleep, and the boy who often threw himself in front of you so you would remain unharmed.

You choked on your sobs as you tightened your own hold on him and they gradually grew louder as you buried your face into the shoulder of his white button up.

Through his own choked sobs and teary eyes, Atsushi gently maneuvered the two of you so that you would be lying on his stomach—a familiar position the two of you would lay in back in the orphanage.

He gently stroked his fingers through your hair and softly rubbed your back as he whispered the familiar sweet nothings into your ears.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

“I’m okay, you’re okay, we’re okay...”

“I’m here, just let it all out..”

Overwhelmed with your emotions, his sweet words only started to make you cry more.

You’ve missed him so much.

Your tears easily soaked his both his shirt and his neck, and you tried to speak only for you to choke up. Atsushi simply just started to shush you—as you would to a baby—and placed a kiss to your forehead as he continued to comfortingly stroke your hair and rub your back.

With the both of you off into your own little world, a world consisting only of the two of you, reactions and looks from the Armed Detective Agency went unnoticed.

It didn’t take long for them to realize the kind of relationship you and Atsushi had.

But what surprised them was Atsushi’s behavior.

The young adult they knew tended to be unsure of everything, including himself, and stammered whenever he was nervous.

But the young adult currently in front of them had this new aura of maturity; he didn’t hesitate to touch you or to comfort you, and for the first time they’ve seen in a while, he was sure of himself; he wasn’t nervous at all.

With the amount of comfortability Atsushi had around you, and the tender, loving care he showered you in, it was clear that you certainly were someone special to their tiger.

Your sobs slowly turned to small hiccups, and Atsushi’s face turned to one of pure tranquility and content, having his lover back in his arms.

Although having calmed down, what Atsushi said to you next made you want to start bawling all over again.

“I’m sorry I left you, and I promise I didn’t forget about you,” he whispered softly, “I thought of you every day. I still do. The thought of being able to see you again is what kept me going.”

You buried yourself further into his shoulder as you gripped his white button up in your hands.

“And thanks to the armed detective agency, I’m stronger now. I won’t let anybody hurt you, not anymore. That, I promise you.”

Actually taking a look up from you, Atsushi ended up locking eyes with Dazai, who had a gentle look on his face.

His senior only closed his eyes, tilted his head down softly, and lightly chuckled before opening his brown eyes once more, giving Atsushi a look of approval.

The gray haired teen’s eyes widened slightly as he looked around the room only to be met with similar looks of approval and gentleness from his seniors and coworkers.

He felt his eyes tear up again, but instead let out a relieved sigh as he tightened his hold on you slightly.

“Hey Atsushi...” you softly murmured.

Equally as soft, he answered, “Yes (y/n)?”

“...I love you...”

Your lover smiled before placing another kiss onto your forehead.

“I love you too (y/n)”

At last, the girl he loved was back in his arms, and the boy you loved was back within your reach.

And neither of you were ever going to let each other go again.

and it means, the joy of meeting or finding someone again after a long separation, a rediscovery

as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize! the reblog button is there for a reason

[well-shit-im-a-morosexual-now]

Ahh, I know it's a bit late, but can i rant to you about the lesson 44?? It really was such a great lesson and i just can't stop thinking about it (plus, i really love your thoughts and theories, so if you want to, i'd love to hear more of them!! 😍) (also sorry if there's any mistakes, it's 2am here where i live lol)

- the whole start when MC meets Asmo first made me kinda emotional??? Like, maybe it was also the soundtrack's fault, but i found it so bittersweet that his special power as the angel was to see the good in people and when he became a demon, it turned into charming others to find out their deepest desire. Idk, just seeing all of the brothers and how they were same as now and different at the same time was so amazing

- while i'm not sure if it's the first time, but Mammon has def called out MC for spacing out and also for not looking where they're going. One of those cases was when they where on their date at the carnival and MC bumbed into him, so Mammon thinking that he's a morrosexual is just so funny lmao

- also, what i found fascinating, is that one of Barbatos home screen messages is that Lucifer was actually the one who introduced Levi to anime. Which makes Levi getting into anime all the more complex, bc now we now that not only Lucifer had a part in it, but also MC, and ahhhhh i just love that so much

- since the '???' voice is def Michael, I wonder how long has he been watching over MC. For example, was Simeon sent as an exchange student bc of MC? Or was it all a big coincidence that the one human who interfered with the Celestial realm and he needed to supervise just so happened to be the exchange student? It also makes me wonder if Simeon was not only demoted bc he might've helped the brothers, but also bc of his "easy-going" personality, which also seemed to be looked down on by other seraphims. Idk, it just seems like since they were so strict with everything, that it would be weird if one of the seraphim's didn't fit their standarts of what an angel should be.

Anyways, i would really love to hear more of your thoughts and theories on this! Everytime om gets a new lesson one of the things i can't for are your thoughts and rants about them, they really make my day (and also make me realize that i miss so much stuff while reading the lessons myself lmao) 😊!

I hope you have an amazing rest of the day/night ^-^

first off: I AM SO SORRY!!!! THIS IS SUCH A LOVELY ASK AND NJKSNDIOJWINEJ FUCK I HATE THAT I MISSED IT FOR SO LONG I REALLY HOPE YOU SEE THIS REPY OHMIGOD. Due to reasons (life being a fucking mess) I haven’t been on tumblr since Feb and I really do hate that I missed this. I love long asks where I can just ramble back at ya and I really hope you see this

- The whole lesson was amazing and I’m always up for someone to rant to me! I posted all my summaries and theories of the lessons form 45 and up on @still-a-morosexual-help and reblogged them to this account as well. They’re all pretty long but full of theories if you wanna see.

- Yes! Yes! This! there’s something so bittersweet about seeing them as angels! Like I 100% believe that they fit better in the Devildom and that they are probably happier there as well but that doesn’t dismiss their lives in the Celestial Realm. They probably still have such good memories of it and just the whole thing gives me so many feelings

- Right! He does bring it up in the carnival and in S1 when they go to steal the grimoire to piss off Lucifer enough that he’ll stop brooding in his room Mammon yells at MC for spacing out too. I think there are similar incidents in some Devilgrams & events too, plus he semi-regularly calls MC “Dummy”. MC & Mammon both looked at each other and said “what a fucking idiot I love ‘em” and I think that’s beautiful.

- What I think happened is that when MC brings anime up it doesn’t exist yet and then they go back to their own time and everyone forgets they were even there though the effects of their visit linger, so Levi forgets what happens but MC telling him to check out anime & manga falls into his subconscious. And then they fall and Levi’s self esteem drops even more and then eventually anime and manga are created and Lucifer in a bid to get Levi interested in something since he’s the only one of the brothers without a hobby/hyperfocus tells him about the newest human thing: anime/manga or even gives him the first few chapters of a manga series. Lucifer doesn’t think anything will come out of it, considering Levi didn’t latch on to any of the other things Lucifer tried to introduce him to (like music, books, cars, fashion) but Lucifer giving him this kickstarts Levi’s subconsciousness and the part of MC telling him about it and he gives it an honest chance and actually gets hooked on it.

- Ooooh I never thought of how MC would have affected the angels by their visit. It could be totally possible that after their visit Michael wanted someone to keep an eye on them and he sent Simeon once the chance became available. At the end of S2 he did mention that he’s kept some tabs on MC right? I have a very vague memory of it. About the easy going thing - from what’s being mentioned I always thought Michael had a very childish personality? Like yeah he’s strict and has a very strict idea of what angels should be like but it’s all under the sweetest and friendliest of personalities. Technically an angelic parallel to Diavolo while Raphael was an angelic parallel to current Lucifer. And I’d like to think that no matter what their personality was like as long as they did their job well and acted like a good angel Simeon would have kept his position. Also Simeon’s also being shown to be scary and strict when he gets serious/pissed off (like during the play in S2 and when he was trying to get MC & Mammon to help out at the Angel’s Halo in S3) But at the same time Lucifer later mentions that Simeon was the only relatively normal one from the Seraphim so it makes sense once his closest friend had fled the other two would have been able to outvote him

- I’m really sorry I didn’t upload my summaries and theories for the other lessons during the last few months but like I said before yesterday I uploaded all my detailed summaries and theories till Lesson 54, and the rest I’ll upload in a couple days. I really hope you see this so that we could talk about them.

I hope you have a great day/night too!

[a-hundred-jewels]

cruel summer ch 12: i have these lucid dreams

Ao3 Wattpad

Summary: sabrina starr, pegasuses, and oh no! the fourth wall broke! do we have a carpenter in the audience?

Word Count: 9000 ish

Tags: Rachel Elizabeth Dare/Jane Penderwick, Rosalind Penderwick/Tommy Geiger, Nico di Angelo/Will Solace, Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson, Jane Penderwick, Rachel Elizabeth Dare, Rosalind Penderwick, Skye Penderwick, Chiron (Percy Jackson), Martin Penderwick, Elizabeth "Batty" Penderwick, Elizabeth Penderwick (senior), Iantha Aaronson-Penderwick, Ben Aaronson-Penderwick, Nico di Angelo, Will Solace, Annabeth Chase, Jeffrey Tifton-McGrath, Percy Jackson, Demeter (Percy Jackson), Apollo (Percy Jackson), Camp Half-Blood (Percy Jackson), Camp Half-Blood AU, Demigods, demeter!elizabeth penderwick, demeter!rosalind (second generation), demeter!batty (second generation), apollo!alec mcgrath, apollo!jeffrey (second generation), demeter!jane (second generation), demeter!skye (second generation), all of that's in no particular order, main focus is on jane because i love her and she's so so fun to write, tomsalind is there (and stuff will happen - i can't really say what, it will really be eventful though), yes of course there's solangelo, takes place right before Penderwicks In Spring, After Trials of Apollo, more tags to come??, Minor Swearing

Notes and Full Chapter below cut:

Hello everyone and welcome back! I'll admit, this is a little later today than I'd been planning to post (was hoping to get an early start), but hey! If the Puppet History season 4 finale can be late, then so can I!

First off, a massive massive thank you to waterbottle_stickers for being the best beta reader ever. This chapter would be a mess without you. Also, if you haven't already, please check out their enola holmes fic wherever you stray, i follow it's truly wonderful.

If you've been following me on tumblr, then you'll know that, in addition to reblogging an alarming quantity of good omens fanart, I've been making some plans for fics this month. The original plan from back in august was to post every day of the month, but... ahhh.... I just don't work that fast lmao. I'll have to be content with just posting a fair amount this month. Happy october! Anyway, stay tuned.

On this fine day, we've got two lovely QUEER fanfic recommendations that I'm very excited to share. Up first is one from the tumblr blog izzielizzie (which you should all absolutely check out! especially if you're into the one of us is lying fandom!). it centers around the skye/melissa pairing and their senior prom, which Skye is said to have only gone to last minute, and also wearing a lab coat, in a passage of the penderwicks at last. featuring some oblivious lesbians and also jane. once again a massive thanks to izzielizzie, as this fic is one of my favourites!. click here to take a look! (also keep an eye on her blog in general bc her penderwicks fics are awesome!)

The second fanfic is also one I'm very fond of, as it focuses on the siblinghood of skye and jane, which is one of my favourite topics on earth. check out rolling down the ancient high street by hanchewie/ramblemadlyon (tumblr and ao3 respectively) for the sibling antics of aroace skye and bisexual jane when the latter visits the former at her college in california! and, if you like it, ramblemadlyon has two other penderwicks fics from the past couple days that look fantastic as well, and that I look forward to reading.

This chapter is dedicated to my therapist, since I've decided this will be the month of oddly specific dedications. thank you for telling me to stop referring to cruel summer as my "trash baby" and help me recognize the true worth that it holds in my life.

Disclaimer: not my characters, you know the drill. Jeanne Birdsall and Rick Riordan are lucky ducks indeed. chapter title is (obviously) from "lucid dreams" by Juice WRLD.

FROM THE POV OF JANE PENDERWICK

The woods loomed around me, seeming as tall as buildings as they invited me in further. I took another step, the sharp pain of a pinecone digging into my foot barely registered in my mind. I kept walking. A crack sounded throughout the air, and, behind me, a tree splintered round its base and fell down, only inches away from crushing me dead, and completely blocking the path out.

Frightened, I began to run, looking for a way out of the forest. But no matter which way I went, there were only trees in front of me. Where was the path? Where was the grassy hill I had walked down to get in here in the first place. Had I even walked down that hill to begin with? Now that I thought about it, I wasn’t sure I remembered coming here. I wasn’t sure I remembered waking up this morning, or going to bed last night, or anything besides existing in the forest. Who was I? What was I doing here? How could I get out?

Panicking, I stood in the middle of a clearing, looking frantically at the trees around me, trying to find something familiar. Nothing. I was exhausted. How long had I been here? An hour? A day? A lifetime? I collapsed at the base of a tree, sobbing as I tried to remember. Something. Anything.

Then, a voice echoed around me. “Welcome,” it said, and my mind went black.

I bolt upright in bed, a scream halfway out of my throat. I clamp it back, not wanting to wake my cabinmates. Thin light whimpers through the window--enough for me to see my white-knuckle grip on the sheets, but not enough to pass as daylight.

What time is it?

Our cell phones don’t really work here--that was one of the first things Miranda told us when we arrived, and Batty’s been gleefully lording it over us that her Mp3 player will still play music and, like, function, while our smart phones recline sadly in our duffel bags. That being said, I don’t feel quite brave enough to get out of my bed just yet and tiptoe over to the big analog clock that Rio bought at a pawn shop in Colorado. Maybe my phone will at least show the time.

I reach under my bed and fumble for my duffel, hooking my pinky through the zipper loop and yanking it out onto my floor. My phone’s in the front pocket, buried under two pairs of headphones, several gum wrappers, and some strawberry leaves (?????). A piece of gum peels off the screen as I disentangle my phone, and I mentally chide my past self for being so messy.

My phone does not turn on. Big clock it is.

I tiptoe across the cold tile and peer around the tree.

5:45 .

Jesus Pagan Christ.

It’s too early to wake anyone up (as I think this, Batty lets out a snore to rival any crabby Tyrannosaurus Rex), so I wrap a blanket around myself like a criminally attractive burrito, and creep out onto the porch, with my notebook and pen tucked into my shirt.

As long as I live, I will never get tired of summer mornings. There’s something deeply lovely about the soft light of the still-sleepy, pink lemonade sun, the quiet anticipation of the cool air, damp from dew and preparing for the upcoming heat. At home in Cameron, Skye’s woken me up many an early morning to go for a run or do soccer drills or for a grueling “Seven Minute Workout Except You Don’t Follow The Rules And Torture Your Sister by Making It Actually A Forty-Nine Minute Workout.” (But it’s okay, I’m not bitter). But, as delightful as those experiences have all been, I don’t think Skye really gets it. The beauty of the summer morning is not what it can do for your workout schedule, but rather in its gentle softening of an otherwise boiling day. It is to be appreciated in the way that I am now, sitting curled up on this frighteningly creaky porch (I mean, seriously, who built this?) and calling up the Sabrina Starr section of my brain to try and write away the residual panic from my nightmare.

Sabrina sighed as the plane took off. She wasn’t sure if she should have followed the voice in her head telling her to come here. Saying it out loud--even just thinking it--made it sound ridiculous. A dream, a voice in her mind. Barely more than a whim.

Worse than that, Sabrina wasn’t even sure where this whim was taking her. On a napkin in her pocket, she’d scrawled everything she remembered about the dream from the night before. The dark sky, lit only with spiderwebs of lightning, the shadowy figure huddled on a beach and soaked through with rain. The voice crying for help.

And a name. Aeaea.

After she’d woken up, Sabrina had looked up Aeaea, too tired to fully connect why the name felt familiar. Her heart had sunk further after reading the Wikipedia entry, and a breath of hopelessness had left her lips. According to the internet, Aeaea was not a real place. It had been the island prison of Circe. Fiction wasn’t new to Sabrina, and neither was mythology (she recalled an adventure spent with a ghost called Rainbow from a few years back).

Fictional places, though, were another matter. How could she get somewhere if she didn’t know where she was going? Was she trusting her gut with too much this time?

Sabrina folded up the napkin and put it back in her pocket. There was no point in worrying about that now. She’d looked at enough maps to make a guess at where Aeaea might be if it was real. When she got there, she could get more information. Sabrina Starr had survived this long in her career of rescues and whims. She could survive one more adventure. Worst case scenario, she said to herself, I spend a few days running around for nothing and have to brush up on my Greek.

She repeated it to herself like a promise. Worst case scenario, worst case scenario… Eventually, tired out from all her anxieties, and from trying desperately not to worry about what would come next, Sabrina fell asleep.

FROM THE POV OF RACHEL ELIZABETH DARE

“Okay, I give up. Tell me what’s wrong.” Annabeth’s voice startles me away from my plate of eggs, which I had been pushing around with a fork. Anxiety bubbles in my throat, just as it had been since I woke up, and food just doesn’t sound like a good idea.

“I--what?”

Annabeth waves her hand impatiently. “Don’t play dumb. I’ve been talking to you for five minutes and I don’t think you’ve looked up once. Also you’re always hungry in the mornings, so unless you, like, ate an entire cow before I got here, this ,” she gestures to my uneaten eggs, “is unusual behaviour.”

I give her a look. Sometimes, I get the feeling that Annabeth exists as a part of multiple different dimensions at once, like she’s having four other conversations that I can’t hear, and is still ten steps ahead of me in the one I’m actually a part of.

Or maybe I’m just easy to read.

“Nothing’s wrong.” I don’t want to talk about it. “I’m fine.” I’m terrified.

Annabeth sighs. “Is this about the prophecy?”

“No,” I spear another piece of egg, and don’t eat it. “Maybe. Yes.” I feel like going back to my cave and staying there for the rest of my life. Waiting with a book and some paints for the prophecy to get bored and go away. Maybe I’d take Jane with me, or Nico, for some company. That sounds nice.

My plate is pulled away from me as I aim my fork again. “I can’t pay attention when you do that,” Annabeth huffs. I think I wouldn’t invite her to stay in my cave. She’s too on the nose when I want to mope. Then again, she says the same about me.

“Fine,” I turn and face her. “Let’s talk feelings.” Connor Stoll, who had been making his way towards our table, abruptly turns around and walks the other way. I should get Chiron to hire a therapist. Gods know we need it.

Further proving my point, Annabeth’s eyes widen a little, before she remembers it is I who will be spilling. (I make a point to corner her later. It’s a routine we have). “Wow. You broke fast.”

I nod. “I’m tired and you’re annoying.” (False. We both know it. Another routine). “Like you said, I’m nervous about the prophecy.”

Annabeth nods. “And?”

I frown. “What do you mean, and ? There’s no and.”

Annabeth frowns back at me. A mirror, a mime, an annoyance. The nerve to look disappointed in me. “I thought you were spilling, Red.”

I roll my head back and study the roof of the pavilion, which Annabeth designed, and slowly lean my head down to stare at the table. I really don’t want to have this conversation. I go along anyways. “I’m worried about Jane.”

Annabeth leans back, triumphant. “Ah, yes. Your girlfriend.”

Maybe if I try reeeeeeeally hard, I can activate the Oracle of Delphi and freak Annabeth out enough to make her go away. “ Not my girlfriend. You know that.”

“You called Percy my boyfriend for weeks before we actually officially decided.”

I wave my hand dissmissively. “That’s different, you guys were dancing around each other for like three years. You needed a bit of a push. Jane and I kissed once! Over a week ago! And nothing came of it.” We actually haven’t really talked about it. We’re in this sort of in-between zone where we spend a ton of time together, but don’t have a label for it. Honestly, it’s been nice.

Annabeth grins, apparently reading my thoughts. “You’ve been eating lunch with the Demeter cabin, like, every other day. I saw you doing archery together yesterday. Both of you were awful at it, but you stayed there for hours. I’ve never seen you focus on something that long outside of your paintings.”

I stare at the ceiling again. Maybe Annabeth designed it so that a single square foot of rock might fall down onto my head and relieve me from this conversation. “Yes, fine, we spend a lot of time together. But that doesn’t make us a couple, and has nothing to do with what I’m actually worried about!” I can see in her face that Annabeth is more serious now, and is about to fully listen to me, when Percy and Malcolm show up, sliding into the seats across from us, and clanging several plates of pancakes down onto the table in front of them.

“Made them ourselves! Wanna share?” Percy gives Annabeth heart eyes and a kiss on the cheek when she folds a large blue pancake into thirds and bites it like a burrito. I roll my eyes at them because they are a horrifying and disgusting couple and also I kind of want to be them when I grow up. Malcolm ignores them, instead turning to me. “Were you talking about Jane?” he asks, pushing wire rimmed glasses up his nose.

I frown. “Sort of. Why?”

He shrugs, sheepish. “You know. Just, uh, just wondering.”

I narrow my eyes at him, then Percy, who tears himself away from looking at Annabeth to sigh dramatically. “Malcolm wants to ask out Jane’s sister. You know, the blond one.”

I snort. “ Skye? Seriously?”

Malcolm looks vaguely offended. “What’s so weird about that?”

“Sorry, it’s not weird.” I reach over the table to pat him on the shoulder with my fork. “Perfectly normal teenage hormones.” He glares at me and I smile sweetly back. “I just can’t imagine Skye going out with anyone, that’s all.”

Malcolm stares down at his pancake, disappointed. “Oh. You sure?”

I nod, feeling a little more normal with my friends and less doom-related breakfast conversation. My eggs are past the threshold of “warm and appetizing” but I take a bite anyway. “Pretty sure. Jane told me that she’s aroace and, based on past occurrences, there’s a seventy percent chance she’ll punch anyone who asks her out. Anyway, why the interest? I didn’t know you guys talked.”

Malcolm shrugs. “We don’t, really. She just seems cool.”

Percy pipes in, “He’s been practically obsessed with her since she won that soccer game against the Nike kids and made them cry.”

I nod approvingly. “Well, Malcolm, at least we know you have good taste.”

Annabeth pats him on the head, ignoring his complaints that her hand is covered in blue maple syrup. “Better luck next time, brother of mine.”

Piper and Leo join us next, contributing an alarming volume of grapes and a single hardboiled egg to the breakfast display. Leo grabs a pancake and wraps it around some grapes, before taking a big bite. “I hear you’re discussing Malcolm’s romantic failures,” he says around the world’s worst breakfast burrito. Piper gasps in mock offense, then swallows the unpeeled hardboiled egg whole, like a snake. (This is a regular morning routine. She’s trying to work up to being a sword swallower, since her dad did it in a movie once and she thought it looked like fun). “ Malcolm, why didn’t you come to me? I could have given you a verdict within five minutes!”

“I wanted advice on whether I should ask out that Heaphestus boy two weeks ago and you told me to fuck off.”

Piper pouts at him. “That’s on you, you caught me at a bad time.”

Annabeth holds up a pancake with the air of a respected royal and we turn to her. “As delightful as this is, Rachel and I were initially talking about her romantic prospects and also her worries and fears, and I feel that we should get back to that before she slinks off and avoids the rest of the conversation.”

I glare at her. “Why would you bring this away from the very nice conversation we were having about everyone else’s problems? Do you hate me?” Annabeth rolls her eyes. “No, dumbass, I’m just not letting you walk away from a potential breakthrough. Now, where were we? You were saying that you’re worried about Jane but it has nothing whatsoever to do with your relationship, or lack thereof.”

I give a long suffering sigh, and try to communicate telepathically with Piper that she needs to Save Me Now, but she’s looking at me in interest with her chin resting in her hands, her long fingers adorned with rings sent to her from her Mortal girlfriend, Shel, who bought them at a vintage punk store. The traitor. Defeated, I turn back to Annabeth.

“It’s just that, whatever ends up happening with this prophecy, I don’t want it to fuck her up, in the way the quests have sometimes done to us. Like, we’re used to this by now, but it hasn’t been a smooth road. I don’t exactly like going on quests, and at first I was really worried at the prospect of being included in a prophecy, since that’s fairly abnormal, but Jane was only made aware of her heritage a couple months ago! What if this turns out like Silena or Beckendorf or-or Jason, and the prophecy destroys her, and it’s all my fault because I’m the one who pulled her into all this?”

Everyone tenses up at the mention of Jason, but they continue to look at me with a mixture of concern and love that makes something soften inside of me. For the hundredth time, I think of how lucky I am to have these people who love me unconditionally. Even if they really, really need therapy.

“I know that I didn’t plan any of this, but we’re both tied in now, especially since both Chiron and I had the prophetic dream and I actually gave the prophecy that day in the woods, and, well, this isn’t her world yet. She’s only got a little bit of ichor in her, and she grew up knowing nothing of any of this. In a way, I did too, and I have no ichor, but I had clear sight. For me, it was ineffable, but she could technically leave any time, if it weren’t for the prophecy. She can leave, and I feel like it’s up to me to make sure that doesn’t change.”

“Oh, Rachel.” Annabeth reaches her arms out to me and I let myself be pulled into an embrace. “Jane’s going to be okay. We’ll make sure of it.”

Sabrina stood in line at the boat rental hut, her arms crossed and a frown plastered on her face. It had not been a successful afternoon. For hours, she’d been searching the coastal towns near where her plane landed, looking for some trace of Aeaea, or anything else she’d seen in her dream. She was used to working with dregs. It was normal for her to have to squint a little at the evidence, have to shuffle things together around big holes of “Maybe,” like she was working a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing.

But this was something else.

Sabrina had read about places where mythology shaped the culture. Places where the tourist draws were events that had supposedly happened thousands of years ago, or creatures that only existed in grainy photographs and people’s imaginations. Hell, she’d met the Loch Ness monster. Was it insane for her to have assumed she’d be able to find the same kind of thing here? All her training and years of experience had told her that, if you sniff around long enough, you’ll find a conspiracy theorist or a slightly off-the-rails guidebook.

So far, though, Sabrina had found nothing. Absolutely nothing. She hunted around, searching up library catalogs, checking every store on the street. “Aeaea,” “Circe,” even “the Odyssey.”

Nothing.

The line edged along slowly, and Sabrina ran her hands up and down her arms. The air was chilly from its proximity to the cold sea water. There were three people in front of her now. She just had to wait a little longer, then she would have a boat and be able to explore these waters herself.

Something was wrong with this place. Something was wrong with all of these places. And Sabrina was going to figure out what.

Later, Jane and I are taking our time walking to the pegasus stables to watch the riding lesson that Rosalind has reluctantly agreed to let Batty take (provided that Percy, who’s teaching today, doesn’t let her fly high enough that she’ll die if she falls off, and that Batty wears all of the necessary protective gear). Jane looks lovely, wearing a sunshine-y yellow bandana that sets off her dark curls and warm sepia skin. She has on her Camp Half-Blood shirt again, and a short green skirt, and all of it should clash horribly, but it doesn’t.

We’ve decided to cut through the strawberry fields, and I swallow a sun-warmed strawberry while Jane tells me about the dream she had last night. I think back to my conversation with Annabeth this morning when she tells me of the dark woods and the feeling of drowning, the memory warping and the echoing voice. At some point we sit down in a patch of grass, a simple circle amidst strawberry plants with a couple logs where the campers and satyrs take their breaks when they work here. Jane finishes her story and we sit in comfortable silence for a few moments, only broken by the grunts of annoyance Jane makes while trying to get her plant powers to activate again. She’s been doing that a lot.

“Well that sucks,” I say finally. “Have you been having other dreams like it?”

Jane shrugs, the neon orange fabric of her shirt wrinkling on her shoulders. “One or two, I think. Last night’s was the first one I really remembered. ” She smiles out of the corner of her mouth. “I hardly ever remember my dreams. It used to upset me. I thought I was losing potential writing material.”

I laugh. It’s such a Jane thing to think, that I can’t help it. She goes quiet, like she’s reminiscing, and I picture a tiny version of Jane, sitting crossed-legged on her summer quilt, writing. I look at her now, scrunched up nose and big brown eyes. Oh gods, she must have been an adorable child.

“My mother used to say that my imagination was the eighth wonder of the world,” Jane says. She’s looking down the hill at the cabins, plant powers temporarily forgotten, and I remember her telling me about her mother, the first Elizabeth Penderwick, who came here and was a daughter of Demeter and loved opera. The Penderwick siblings’ beloved mother who died so young.

I move closer to Jane on the log. “I can understand why she’d say that.”

Jane smiles again, a little sad this time, a little absent, but full to the brim with love.

“Bet you she’s in Elysium,” I say softly. I explained the Underworld to Jane a couple weeks ago, and she’d gotten this same absent look on her face, that I now know means she’s thinking about her mother. Jane nods, now, then turns to me. “Could we talk about something else?” Her voice is quiet, her eyes a little shiny.

“Course,” I say. “Shall I regale you with tales of dimwittery at this camp in the years past?” I told her last week about the time some Hermes kids tried to order pizza to the camp, accidently causing Chiron to think we were under attack. Jane had nearly fallen off the bench laughing.

She grins now, but shakes her head. “Tell me what it’s like being an Oracle.” I give her a look. She’s asked me before and I never really know what to say. When I give prophecies, it’s like I black out. I’m taken over by another entity who shares my body. (“Like that lady in Suicide Squad ,” Leo had said when I tried to explain it to him once, but I’d refused to be compared to such a gods-fucking-awful movie). So, in a way, I don’t know what it’s like to be the Oracle.

As if reading my thoughts, Jane shakes her head. “Not that part. I’ve seen you all green and smokey, and I know you can’t feel it. I mean the other stuff. How did you know it was you? What did you have to do to become the Oracle? That kind of thing.” I relax a little. Jane’s asked me all sorts of weird questions about Greek mythology and the gods recently. She calls it “research for her book,” but sometimes I think she’s just nosy. It’s cute.

Jane shrugs and looks off into the distance. If you tilt your head a little you can kind of see the stables from here. We have fifteen more minutes to get there, according to my watch. I decide to take it easy. “Delphi is this weird ethereal spirit,” Jane continues, “but there’s also just everyday, Oracle you, who likes paint and denim and bagels.” At that, I laugh. “I actually don’t like bagels that much. I’m just late to breakfast so often that they’re usually the only things available.”

Jane pouts at me and plays with the bracelet tied around my wrist--the one she gave me. “You know what I mean! You know all this weird shit about me because my siblings don’t shut up at lunch, and I know stuff about you, like the denim thing, which I still think is funny by the way. But you’re also the freaking Oracle! Your dormant self lies waiting!” I laugh at her, and she rolls her eyes, but I see the corner of her mouth tilting up. “Rachel, that’s very cool!”

I give in. “Honestly, there’s not much to say, that’s why I don’t talk about it.” I pause. “Well no, it’s that a lot of the stuff beyond the obvious is actually sort of creepy and weird, and not in a good way. There’s stuff I try not to think about, is what I mean.”

The edge of her yellow bandana sticks up as Jane tilts her head at me. “That makes sense. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

I shake my head. “No, it feels okay right now.” I mean it. Now that I’ve gotten into the swing of it, I do want to talk about it. Still, a small sigh escapes me. “I like being the Oracle, because that’s what brought me to a place where I feel like I belong and I have people who love me. It’s nice to know that I’m fulfilling my purpose in life.”

Jane pulls her knees up to her chest. “But?”

“But I also get lonely.” It comes out in a rush. “There are other oracles, but I didn’t know about any of them until the Apollo thing happened, and even then, they’re all supernatural beings--I know, I know, but not in the way I am. It’s not the same. Also, there are all these weird rules. Like I have to stay an unmarried virgin my whole life.”

“That’s fucked,” Jane says softly.

“I know! Chiron won’t even tell me why, just that it’s ‘the rules’” I let out an annoyed huff. “And, like, it’s not even that the idea itself bothers me. That’s pretty much what I was planning to do with my life anyway.”

“Same.”

“But it’s the principle of the thing!” I flick a strand of hair out of my face, offhandedly noticing that the tip of my pinky finger is slightly green. I ignore it. It’s not important. “Just because I don’t want to have sex or get married doesn’t mean it’s a fair rule to impose on me! Besides, why is it always the women in these things whose identities are tied up in who they do or don’t fuck? Last I checked, Grover didn’t have to sign an ‘I shalt not fornicate’ contract when he became Lord of the Wild!”

“Exactly!” Jane raises her hands and shouts up to the sky. “Don’t you fuckers realize we’re more than that?”

“The Hunters of Artemis, too!” I’m a jack-in-the-box, and something’s winding me up. “Thalia and Reyna send me letters all the time, and they seem really happy! Which is great!” I pause to emphasize the greatness of their happiness. My pinky is completely green, now. “But, they also had to make a stupid ‘ode of chastity,’ like I did!”

“Are you kidding me?” Jane’s hair flips as she turns to me. “I thought Artemis was one of the good ones!”

My voice lowers to a husky rumble, and I stare into the distance towards you, the reader. “In a broken system, there are no good ones. Abolish the police.” I clear my throat and my voice turns back to normal. “Sorry, zoned out for a second.” My green pinky has begun to vibrate.

“Happens to the best of us,” Jane’s voice is light and nonchalant. “And yeah, I know. Pretty much all of the gods have skeletons sitting on their shoulders, but it just seems out of character for her. I thought all of Artemis’s groups were supposed to be safe havens, not oppressive structures in their own right.”

I frown. “Yeah you’re right, that is weird. I’d never thought of it much beyond the gods having weird rules, but I wonder if something bigger is at play. The gods might be fucked up in the way that regular people are, and are undoubtedly responsible for all sorts of crap. But then there's more personal things, like the ‘chastity vows’ the Hunters and I had to take, and the fact that Nico was initially outed by Eros, and the weird unexplained eye condition that Piper had during some of her quests that made her eyes a bunch of bright, Eurocentric colors, rather than their natural brown. All sorts of other stuff, too.”

“Wow!” Jane says, sitting up straight on the grass. Her hand moves from where it was resting in her lap to cover her heart. “It’s almost like a bunch of genuinely good and inspiring material, such as including prominent queer people and characters of color in fun children’s fantasy, as well as having an immortal group of warrior women who support each other and are free from the gaze of men, was taken into the hands of a cis white man armed with unchecked misogyny and a fair amount of white Twitter feminism, both of which really showed when he tried to create an inclusive and empowering book series for children! Like yeah, it had its moments, and definitely some good characters, but overall, a lack of meaningful research in certain areas really made it fall flat!” Once again, I stare through the bindings of URLs and internet coding, now joined by Jane as we lock eyes with you, the reader. This time, we hold eye contact for nearly a minute, giving you time to read and process the long tangent spat out by this fanfic’s author, who, if we’re being honest, has gone just a tad off the rails right now. Finally, Jane and I look away from you, and resume our roles as fictional characters, still shaking off that strange cloud that comes with staring into the soul of those who give you life.

“Ugh, what’s going on with me today?” Jane groans at the same time I mutter, “What’s Twitter?” We turn to each other, blinking in the sunlight, then grin. This is normal. We’re fine. Jane looks up at the sky again. “I wonder if the gods are watching us. Maybe we should make them think we suck so they’ll leave you alone.”

I laugh as she sticks her tongue out, grinning wickedly at a nearby cloud. “Better yet, make them think we’re too powerful to be messed with,” I say. Jane sees me watching her and opens her mouth, sucking the cloud in between her teeth. The sky seems bluer in the space where it had been, and Jane’s eyes glitter with mirth as she swallows. “Mmm, tastes like sugar.” I giggle, feeling a small shiver on the top of my head. When I peer up, I see another cloud has floated over to me. I open my own mouth, and take it in, just as Jane did hers. “Sugar, yes. But there’s a touch of blood, too,” I say. Jane nods sagely. “What were we talking about?”

“The inherent misogyny in much of Greek mythology and the world of Camp Half-Blood in general.”

Jane nods again. “Right. A very important topic. It makes it weird when I’m writing sometimes. You know, cause I want to bring in Circe and Zeus and Apollo and all these fascinating characters, but there’s just so much bad stuff tied up with them that comes up when I research.” She looks down at our feet, which are standing in the midst of a strawberry patch. We seem to have been walking, crushing sweet summer strawberries as we go, which is odd because I don’t remember getting up. “You know Rachel, I’m feeling a bit strange.”

I look at her, and see an odd blankness in her warm brown eyes. “Now that you mention it, Jane, so am I.”

“My thoughts and words are my own,” Jane says, “But there’s something up with my body. I can’t really feel it.”

“I agree, I’ve honestly gone a bit numb.” I try to glance down at my fingers, wondering idly if they’ve gotten any more green, but find that my neck won’t bend.

Jane’s eyebrows furrow. “Yet, at the same time, I feel as though I could do anything. Grow another grass blade. Grow a flower. Grow a tree. Bend the world to my will if I wanted to.”

“Or is it the world bending me to its will.” I grin at my own philosophical point, but find that the smile won’t go away. Pretty fucking inconvenient, since the next thing I was going to bring up was part of the whole serious misogyny conversation. I decide to go for it anyway. “And I’m not the only one with weird rules!” Jane nods, as if this is a perfectly normal segway, and the only extraneous thought that floats through my mind as we find ourselves walking down a hill is how unfair it is that she still has control over her neck and I don’t. “Remember when I told you about the Hunters of Artemis?”

“Oh yeah! Your friends Reyna and Thalia, right?”

“Yeah, them! They send me letters sometimes, and seem really happy, which is great.” I pause, meaning to add emphasis, when I’m hit with a great sensation of deja-vu. “Wait a second, we already talked about this, didn’t we?” I try to remember, but something in my mind is rapidly melting. I cannot find it. I cannot find anything.

“Jane?” My voice quivers, and I squeeze my eyes shut. Oh gods, please let this be a dream. For a moment, I try to convince myself that it’s the Oracle of Delphi taking over, just like she did the other day and generally does a couple times a year. But I know that I’m lying. This is not what that feels like. “Jane, where are you?” I can barely move my mouth to say the words. I can feel nothing but the frozen fear of paralysis, of lost control. When I open my eyes, this other thing in my body has brought me to the edge of the forest. “Jane? Jane?” She could be right beside me, unable to speak, and I wouldn’t know because I can’t turn my head, can’t move my eyes, can barely even hear right now.

It’s okay, something says.

“Jane?” It’s not her voice. It’s no one’s voice.

It’s okay. You’re home.

With every cut the wooden oars made through the choppy ocean water, Sabrina knew she was getting closer. She could feel it in her bones, in her brain, a little voice that whispered in her ear. It had been three hours. Her body was worn down, energy levels dipping dangerously low, when she felt something scrape the bottom of her boat.

A rock.

Frantically, she peered through the fog that had begun to surround her boat a mile ago. The island. Had she finally made it?

As if answering her call, a peel of thunder rang out, and Sabrina’s boat began to fill with rain that pounded down from the sky. The storm from her dream. She rowed even faster, then, fear sparking a renewed strength in her tired muscles.

Just as Sabrina was about to reach the shore, a massive wave crashed over her, and her boat capsized. She came back up, sputtering, holding her sopping wet bag above her head. Another wave swept against Sabrina’s face, and she found herself spitting out a mouthful of saltwater. Finally, she washed up on the shore, heaving breaths raking through her lungs.

Sabrina blinked, pushing herself up onto her elbows. It was real. She was here.

She had made it.

FROM THE POV OF ROSALIND PENDERWICK

It’s been a pleasant day so far. Breakfast with my siblings and some of the Demeter cabin (though Jane did seem a bit absent-minded). Miranda, Florien, and Rio convinced me to practice some plant magic with them for a couple hours and I built up to growing a small sunflower. Lunch (again with Jane seeming distracted, though Rachel ate with us this time, which appeared to help). Then, Skye and Jeffrey disappeared with some of the older campers (supposedly for a regular game of soccer, but the unsettling gleam in their eyes had me doubting that was all there was too it), Jane and Rachel went to take a walk in the strawberry fields, and Batty and I were left to prepare for a pegasus riding lesson. If it had been up to Batty, the latter could have easily taken up the entire afternoon, but changing into durable pants and finding a bandana can only take so long.

After a somewhat restless hour, during which I grew three peonies and Batty rhapsodized about the stable of unicorns that another demigod camp apparently has, Batty and I arrive at the stable. We’re ten minutes early, and she’s been talking a mile a minute the whole time, not stopping from before. I swear I now know as much about pegasuses as she does. According to Rachel, the teacher today is Percy, her friend, who’s very responsible “when he puts his mind to it.” I wasn’t sure how to tell her that’s actually not very comforting, but Batty looked so excited and I figured there will be plenty of other people there, so. Why not. She’s been spending so much time there anyway.

Needless to say, I very much regret my decision now.

The stables are modest, made of wood and painted green, and I’ve been there several times by now. There’s a long line of stalls visible when we first walk in, but Batty skips straight to the far end, where a massive pegasus the color of a carrot pokes its head over the door and nuzzles Batty’s hair. She looks up at me with a smile that could melt anyone’s heart, and pats the horse on the nose. “Rosy, this is Queen Lotus Flower. Percy said we have a impenetrable bond.”

I look at the two of them with a questioning gaze. How can they both have the exact same puppy-dog eyes? I swear to god. The gods. All of them. “Batty, sweetheart. That horse is like ten feet tall.”

She nods enthusiastically. “I know, she’s so much taller than any other horse I’ve seen. Percy says she has the biggest wingspan of any horse at camp.”

I nod, slowly, wondering why my sister picked the biggest pegasus to fall in love with. At that moment, Percy pushes the door open. “Hey Batty! Ready for your lesson?” Batty leaves her post by Queen Lotus Flower to wrap her arms around my waist and nod. I look Percy over. He’s a few inches taller than me, with brown skin and curly hair. A beaded camp necklace, orange tshirt, and jeans. Weird arm tattoo aside, he’s one of the most normal-looking people at camp. I’ve only met him a couple times before, but, my nerves over Batty flying around on massive horses aside, I do trust him. Rachel seems to have a good taste in friends. Also, Batty likes him, and she’s still shy around a good number of Skye and Jane’s friends back in Cameron.

For the next few minutes, I watch as Percy instructs Batty on buckling Queen Lotus Flower’s giant saddle and looping the bridle over her nose. Not wavering a bit from the “lesson” aspect of all this, he steps back to let her show what she’s already learned from hanging around the stables so often, only stooping in to guide her when she gets confused. As the minutes tick by, more people show up for the lesson: three other students, and a good sized crowd of people who just like watching the pegasuses. By then, I’m seated on the grass outside the stables, soaking in the blistering sun and watching as Percy (seated atop a wiry black pegasus who Batty pointed out as Blackjack) darts around the large dusty enclosure, making final preparations for the lesson.

Skye and Jeffrey show up then, and sit on either side of me. I want to ask them where Jane and Rachel are, but they’re talking non-stop about a game they just played in the woods with some of the other campers, only switching the subject when Percy and Blackjack return and they begin discussing whether or not it should be scientifically possible for a horse to fly.

Just as Batty and Queen Lotus Flower begin a gentle trot around the enclosure, I feel a tap on my shoulder, and hear the familiar sound of Tommy’s chuckle. “She’s got a weird knack for that,” he says. I nod, grinning.

It’s been good with us. We’ve had breakfast together a few times, even played a game of basketball one afternoon. Our conversations aren’t the same as they used to be, and there’s a sense of newness that feels cold and strange every so often. But it’s good. It feels right. At least for now, this feels like where we’re supposed to be.

As Percy starts demonstrating how to take flight, I look around again. Jane and Rachel still aren’t here. They promised to come. (“For moral support!” Jane had said. “Wouldn’t miss it,” Rachel had added with a smile). I try to push it out of my head. This lesson is a big deal. Batty’s going to be flying.

She leans forward on Queen Lotus Flower’s neck.

They begin to run, moving together like a single being.

Just as they burst into the air, Batty’s euphoric smile lighting up the sky, Katie grabs my shoulders from behind. I shush her so I can lean forward and watch Batty silhouetted against the pegasus’s wide orange wings.

“Rosalind. Rosalind, guys. ” Something about the panic in Katie’s voice makes me turn around. Her usually tied back hair is loose and her clothes rumpled, giving the impression that she was dragged out of bed for this. (Some part of my brain distantly remembers her saying she was going to take a nap). Skye and Jeffrey turn around, too.

“What, what’s happening?” I reach out my hands, trying to calm her as she collapses into a squat, breathing heavily.

“Billie… found me in the cabin… had been looking for you guys… been running all over the camp… lucky I remembered about the riding lesson…”

Jeffrey leans over and puts his hands on her shoulders. She stares down at the dirt while her breathing levels.

“Katie, what are you saying? Why were you and Billie looking for us?”

She looks up, and I see that her forehead is drawn into well-worn creases of worry. “Jane and Rachel have gone into the woods.”

Something was wrong. Sabrina crouched on the wet sand, straining to see through the heavy rain. In her dream there had definitely been someone else on the island. She remembered the hunched figure, the sound of sobs leaking through the rain.

But she’d circled the shore at least twice by now, and there was nobody to be found. “Am I late or something?” she wondered aloud. Somehow, she’d gotten that dream It felt like it had been sent to her. Why did it show a person when there was no one?

Sabrina sighed and began to traipse inland, tucking a knife in her pocket. It wasn’t a big island, and she might as well find some shelter aside from her boat, which was now overturned somewhere on the beach. Circe lived here, didn’t she? There must be some sort of roof, especially if this kind of weather was standard.

Or maybe this was just a random island and there was no Aeaea and Sabrina’s dream had just been the unhinged work of her unconscious mind.

There was a small grassy hill set aside from the sand, which Sabrina crawled up with the determination of a dying warrior. Something was pushing her back. An invisible force, a last crumb of survival instinct, plain old fatigue, she wasn’t sure. But something wanted her out of here, and it pushed back harder and harder as she climbed.

She let out a cry of frustration, clawing at the ground, at the air, at whatever this goddamn thing was, and found a renewed burst of strength that pulled her to the top of the hill. Once there, the force that pushed back ebbed a little, like it was giving up. Sabrina let herself relax, and simply took in the view for a moment.

The hill she lay on top of gave way to a deep valley, sprawling and green. In one corner, there was a cluster of trees that looked healthy and comfortable, despite being on a random Greek island in the middle of the ocean. A modest garden lay next to it, somehow appearing unaffected by the rain, and a narrow river wound around the whole scene.

There was also a house.

Sabrina wasn’t sure what she might have expected from the lair of an infamous Greek enchantress, but it wasn’t this.

She hauled herself up on the hill and started down, rushing through the rain onto a wide wooden porch. There was a large stone vat of something dark and crumbly, with a heavy looking staff of sorts leaning against it. The door to the house was short, and Sabrina heard it scrape on the floor when she pushed it open.

The scene awaiting her was surprisingly cozy when she stepped inside. There was a fire in the hearth and rows upon rows of little viles arranged on a set of shelves beside it. A broom leaned against the wall. Sabrina looked around, noting the way that the rain didn’t make any sound as it thrashed against the roof and window, and the almost drug-like stupor that threatened to take over her brain, whispering that everything was fine, she was safe, nothing bad could happen to her.

Sabrina had encountered hypnosis before, and it only ever made her more jittery.

There was an open hatch in the floor with stairs that lead into darkness. She followed them down, feeling the air grow cooler with every step. Sabrina was quiet, taking tiny steps on her toes, and wincing when one of the stairs creaked. She didn’t know what was down there, and she didn’t want to find out the hard way. But there were no arrows flying up from the space below, no sounds of footsteps or slashes of swords.

Sabrina stepped onto a dirt floor and let herself exhale, shuffling along until her toe hit something hard. Only seasoned reflexes made her reach for the knife in her pocket instead of crying out in fear. She knelt down and squinted in the darkness, trying to see what she’d hit.

A leg.

She frowned, shaking it until she heard a low growl. “Stop that.” She stopped.

“Who are you?” Sabrina leaned closer. If they hadn’t killed her yet she was probably safe.

Instead of answering, they reached out a hand. Sabrina could see a gold ring on the thumb that glinted in a little sliver of light that had crept down from the room above. “Pull me up,” the figure said. “I’ve been paralyzed by the witch.”

Helping the stranger sit turned out to be no simple feat. They were tall and muscular, wearing a cape and a heavy metal chest plate. “The witch?” she questioned, propping them up against one of the cellar’s dirt walls. Her eyes were beginning to adust to the dark, and she could just make out their sharp chin sticking out as their head lolled back.

The figure made a noise. “The witch, the sorceress, the woman. Whatever you want to call her. I figure she sent you down too?” They snorted. “Good luck. I told Zeus not to sent mortals, but does he ever listen? You’re gonna die.”

Sabrina tried to piece together what she could from all this. The witch must be Circe, unless she’d wound up on an entirely different island. And if Circe was going around paralyzing people, then something must be going on. She must be hiding something. As for the person in front of her, Sabrina wasn’t sure who they were. By the way they talked about Zeus, and casually said “mortals,” she’d guess some sort of god? As if that narrowed it down. She’d have to be careful.

“Why did she paralyze you?”

Another weird gutteral noise. “She didn’t like my offer. It’s not the first time this has happened.”

She was growing impatient. Why’d he have to be so vague? “What?”

“Yeah, I don’t know why he always sends me. I don’t think he trusts me. He’d rather me stay her paralysed in the basement of a witch than come back home.”

Sabrina let out an exasperated sigh. This wasn’t working and she needed answers. A whole coast of people with mythology-shaped holes in their memories awaited her. “You’re going to need to be a little more specific. I don’t think we’re on the same page.”

The figure sounded confused. “What do you mean? Don’t you know who I am?”

She leaned forward and inspected them in the darkness. “No. No I don’t.”

They slid their eyes down to her face. “I am the god Apollo. I came here for Circe and she did this to me.”

“What? Why?”

The stairs creaked behind Sabrina and she felt a long nail drag up her back. “I just want to be left alone,” said a voice as deep and powerful as the smell of red wine. “You don’t mind, do you?” Before Sabrina could grab her knife and turn around, before she could even scream, strong arms had surrounded her shoulders and a hand was clamping a damp cloth over her nose and mouth. Shock made her breath in, sharply, and she smelled the sweetness of sleeping drugs.

A heartbeat, a brief struggle, and Sabrina Starr was gone.

[prcdigic]

𝒕𝒚𝒑𝒆𝒔  𝒐𝒇  𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆  :  𝒅𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒔  𝒂𝒏𝒅  𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒔  𝒄𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒔

adapted  from  this  post  !   bold what  applies  to  your  muse. repost  ;  do  NOT  reblog.

𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙸𝙰𝙽   » toothy  grins, stories  around  the  campfire,  clothes  covered  in  pet  hair, hot  temper,  old  jeans,  heartbeat  in  head, potatoes  and  steak,  beaded  jewelry, bruises  like  galaxies,  mementos,  backpack  stuffed  full, craigslist  furniture, spontaneous  road  trips, air  ripped  from  lungs

𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙳   » homemade  bread,  white  lies, easily  excited,  trying  on  hats,  band  geek, pep  talks,  no impulse  control,  sunsets, vintage  fashion,  long  showers,  selfies,  following  dreams, rosy cheeks, song  mash-ups,  pink  lemonade  with  tequila, loves  easily, animated  storyteller, full  of  comebacks

𝙲𝙻𝙴𝚁𝙸𝙲   » list  of  wishes,  biting  their  tongue, band-aids  and  neosporin, shoulder  to  cry  on, morning  sun, necklaces, trial  and  error,  homemade  quilts, formal  clothing,  astrology  fan,  messages  in  bottles,  pleated  braids, speaking  up  for  friends, feathers, motivational  quotes,  vivid  dreams

𝙳𝚁𝚄𝙸𝙳   »   bird  watching,  shy  kid,  wind  chimes, trying  to  whistle,  summer  camp, apple  orchards, lost  in  their  head, glow-in-the-dark stars  on  the  ceiling, hoodies, thrift shopping,  saving  worms  off  the  sidewalk,  pig  latin, bare  feet,  thunderstorms, numb  fingers,  braided  hair, naming potted  plants

𝙵𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃𝙴𝚁   »   goose  bumps, leather  jackets, adventure, chewing  nails,  cares  deeply  but  can’t  show  it,  bronze  locks, no  sleep, taste  of  iron,  netflix  binges, never  forgets, combat  boots, stories  behind  scars, table  for  one,  official  soundtracks, sore  calves, trusts  themselves  the  most

𝙼𝙾𝙽𝙺   »   always  trying  to  be  better, wanderlust,  meditation,  sweat  pants, old   photographs, yoga, sleeping  in  hammocks,  nostalgia, minimalist  design, breath  of  fresh  air, baby  animals, volunteering, perfectionist, doesn’t  care  about  fashion, healthy  snacks, noticing  the  little  things

𝙿𝙰𝙻𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙽   »   school  uniforms,  thick  jackets, sleeping  with  the  windows  open, logical  advice, scrapbooking, compasses, i  fight  for  my  friends,  sculpture  gardens, cold  morning  air,  big  soul, likes  routine, secret  romantic, last  to  get  jokes, sunflowers, practical  presents,  misty  weather

𝚁𝙰𝙽𝙶𝙴𝚁   »   herbal  tea, smell  of  rain, blinking  away  tears,  camping  trips, collecting  bones,  swiss  army  knives, first  impressions, anxious  thoughts, bobby  pins, burnt  marshmallows, too  competitive, clothes  lines,  messenger  bags, holding  grudges, gets  along  better  with  animals  than  people

𝚁𝙾𝙶𝚄𝙴   »   flirtatious  sarcasm, candid  photos,  lost  phone  chargers, adrenaline  rush, picking  dirt  out  from  beneath  their  nails, social  chameleon, clashing  clothes, self-deprecating  jokes, claw  machines, sits  in  chairs  wrong,  smudged  eyeliner,  has  too  many  sunglasses, eats  nothing  or  everything

𝚂𝙾𝚁𝙲𝙴𝚁𝙴𝚁   »   infectious  laugh, family  trees,  shivers  down  their  spine, lipstick  and roses, mood  swings, clumsy, believing  in  destiny, high  expectations,  sleeping  in  darkness,  collection  of  nail  polish, passionate,  good  grades  but  never  studies, poetry  books, blowing  kisses,  not  knowing  their  own  strength

𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙻𝙾𝙲𝙺   »   knowing  everyone’s  secrets,  backpack  covered  in  pins,  envy, being  in  walmart  late  at  night,  earl  grey,  selective  memory, conspiracy  theories  and  cryptids, keysmashing, need  to  know  basis, can’t  cook, bags  under  eyes, experimental  art, flickering  bulbs, black  clothing  all  year  long

𝚆𝙸𝚉𝙰𝚁𝙳   »   piles  of  textbooks, cat  in  lap, keeping  a  diary,  indecisions, scented  candles, studying  alone  in  a  café, lingering  touches,  museum  dates, unanswered  questions, taking  on  too  much  responsibility,  collections, chalk  dust,  comfy  robes, unnecessary  apologies, coming  home  after  a  long  day

tagged by : @hcbii except he didn’t bc he forgot my url but in spirit he tagged me tagging : @fleremus @hiniyaketa @strawberryrots​

[ferdas]

𝒕𝒚𝒑𝒆𝒔  𝒐𝒇  𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆  :  𝒅𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒔  𝒂𝒏𝒅  𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒔  𝒄𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒔

adapted  from  this  post  !   bold  what  applies  to  your  muse. repost  ;  do  NOT  reblog.

𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙸𝙰𝙽 »   toothy grins, stories around the campfire, clothes covered in pet hair, hot temper, old jeans, heartbeat in head, potatoes and steak, beaded jewelry, bruises like galaxies, mementos, backpack stuffed full, craigslist furniture, spontaneous road trips, air ripped from lungs.

𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙳 »   homemade bread, white lies, easily excited, trying on hats, band geek, pep talks, no impulse control, sunsets, vintage fashion, long showers, selfies, following dreams, rosy cheeks, song mash-ups, pink lemonade with tequila, loves easily, animated storyteller, full of comebacks.

𝙲𝙻𝙴𝚁𝙸𝙲 »   list of wishes, biting their tongue, band-aids and neosporin, shoulder to cry on, morning sun, necklaces, trial and error, homemade quilts, formal clothing, astrology fan, messages in bottles, pleated braids, speaking up for friends, feathers, motivational quotes, vivid dreams.

𝙳𝚁𝚄𝙸𝙳 »   bird watching, shy kid, wind chimes, trying to whistle, summer camp, apple orchards, lost in their head, glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling, hoodies, thrift shopping, saving worms off the sidewalk, latin, bare feet, thunderstorms, numb fingers, braided hair, naming potted plants.

𝙵𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃𝙴𝚁 »   goosebumps, leather jackets, adventure, chewing nails, cares deeply but can’t show it, bronze locks, no sleep, taste of iron, netflix binges, never forgets, combat boots, stories behind scars, table for one, official soundtracks, sore calves, trusts themselves the most.

𝙼𝙾𝙽𝙺 »   always trying to be better, wanderlust, meditation, sweatpants, old photographs, yoga, sleeping in hammocks, nostalgia, minimalist design, breath of fresh air, baby animals, volunteering, perfectionist, doesn’t care about fashion, healthy snacks, noticing the little things.

𝙿𝙰𝙻𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙽 »   school uniforms, thick jackets, sleeping with the windows open, logical advice, scrapbooking, compasses, i fight for my friends, sculpture gardens, cold morning air, big soul, likes routine, secret romantic, last to get jokes, sunflowers, practical presents, misty weather.

𝚁𝙰𝙽𝙶𝙴𝚁 »   herbal tea, smell of rain, blinking away tears, camping trips, collecting bones, swiss army knives, first impressions, anxious thoughts, bobby pins, burnt marshmallows, too competitive, clothes lines, messenger bags, holding grudges, gets along better with animals than people.

𝚁𝙾𝙶𝚄𝙴 »   flirtatious sarcasm, candid photos, lost phone chargers, adrenaline rush, picking dirt out from beneath their nails, social chameleon, clashing clothes, self-deprecating jokes, claw machines, sits in chairs wrong, smudged eyeliner, has too many sunglasses, eats nothing or everything.

𝚂𝙾𝚁𝙲𝙴𝚁𝙴𝚁 »   infectious laugh, family trees, shivers down their spine, lipstick and roses, mood swings, clumsy, believing in destiny, high expectations, sleeping in darkness, collection of nail polish, passionate, good grades but never studies, poetry books, blowing kisses, not knowing their own strength.

𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙻𝙾𝙲𝙺 »   knowing everyone’s secrets, backpack covered in pins, envy, being in walmart late at night, earl grey, selective memory, conspiracy theories and cryptids, keysmashing, need to know basis, can’t cook, bags under eyes, experimental art, flickering bulbs, black clothing all year long.

𝚆𝙸𝚉𝙰𝚁𝙳 »  piles of books, cat in lap, keeping a diary, indecision, scented candles, studying alone in a café, lingering touches, museum dates, unanswered questions, taking on too much responsibility, collections, chalk dust, comfy robes, unnecessary apologies, coming home after a long day.

tagged by:  stolen from @gentleanne​ tagging: anyone who wants to do it! bc fun!

[jellogram]

I posted 9,477 times in 2022

That's 7,497 more posts than 2021!

3,629 posts created (38%)

5,848 posts reblogged (62%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@bebidocrimes

@jellogram

@lesbianralzarek

@annabellioncourt

@sofipitch

I tagged 2,999 of my posts in 2022

#basketball - 125 posts

#horror - 97 posts

#movies - 93 posts

#lgbt - 63 posts

#writing - 61 posts

#music - 40 posts

#art - 34 posts

#horror movies - 32 posts

#youtube - 29 posts

#spotify - 27 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i remember being shocked the other fourth graders didnt know simon and garfunkel bc i didn't realize they were old i thought they were like

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Jesus Christ Superstar is genuinely emotionally annihilating. It's about fate. It's about the tragedy of being condemned from birth. What if the villain never had a choice, what if he was just as bound by destiny as the hero? What if nobody wanted it to end this way and it still does? What if Jesus never wanted to die? It's about guilt. It's about dread. It's about not realizing what story you're in until it's too late. It's about Jesus singing insanely high rock vocals. It's about Judas in a fringe disco getup. It's everything.

2,514 notes - Posted June 16, 2022

#4

T-shirt I owned in my dream last night. I wore it to an aquarium.

5,299 notes - Posted October 5, 2022

#3

"Modern art is just SHAPES and COLORS it takes NO SKILL and it's NOT ART" shut up shut tupt you don't get it. That's the POINT you son of bitch. Look at the fuckign shapes and colors. Enjoy the shapes and colors. How do they make you feel. Use your fucking emotions and brain to engage with art instead of expecting everything you see to perfectly cater to your view of the world. "So if I just smear some paint on a wall, that's automatically art?" YES what is so hard to understand. Art is everywhere and you're just too boring and small minded to notice. This artist has gone to the trouble of perfectly selecting out of the infinite number of colors they could have used and carefully arranged those shapes for you. And you don't like it because it doesn't look like a fucking still life of sum fruits. Fuck you and your miniscule attention span and incapabiltiy to reflect on things. I may be a little drunk but I'm right.

5,554 notes - Posted August 14, 2022

#2

Did you guys ever see the car that got into an accident with a truck carrying hagfish

Can you even imagine being this person. Imagine you call your insurance and tell them you got in an accident. They ask what happened and you have to tell them your car got fucking hagfished

15,368 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I know there's been a lot of talk lately about anti-intellectualism and the lack of movies that have souls etc but please don't forget that we also live in the first time in history where just about anyone can create and publish art online. Watch movies posted to directly to YouTube with a thousand views. Read self-published books. Listen to SoundCloud artists. There's a whole world of low budget content out there made solely for the love of art and even if every industry is a capitalist hellscape there will still be people creating art and how lucky are we that we have access to it

35,226 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[demieddie]

2021 fic year in review

thank you for tagging me pia (@buckactuallys)!!!! this was so much fun. (also lmao @ me waiting until today to do this bc i posted a fic last night)

it's getting pretty late in the day, so i'm not going to tag anyone directly, but if you see this and want to do it, please do!!!

Total Number Of Completed Works: 17

Total Word Count: 54,447

Fandoms I’ve Written In: 911, 911 lone star, julie and the phantoms, and pjo

Looking Back, Did You Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected? an unbelievable amount more. i've always read a ton of fanfic but only tried writing a couple times before this year — before Nov 2020, i'd only written about 15 fics (from 2013 to 2019), 8 of which were posted, and only 3 of which remain on the internet/i have a copy of. so going from practically zero to seventeen is wild

What’s Your Own Favourite Story Of The Year? oh jeez, this question is harder than i anticipated. probably it's not rotten work if it's you (pjo) because i adored self-indulgent college/university aus when i was younger and i finally wrote my own. although arm in arm with me (911) has a very special place in my heart

Did You Take Any Writing Risks This Year? other than posting stuff at all? not really. i dabbled with different styles [your love is sunlight (911)] and finished my first ever multichap fic [clocks move faster (it's all we're after) (jatp)] so that was a big moment for me, but idk if that's necessarily a risk

Do You Have Any Fanfic Or Profic Goals For The New Year? not really, i just hope i keep writing!! i have a few wips right now that i adore and i can't wait to finish and share them

Most Popular Story Of The Year? clocks move faster (it's all we're after) (jatp)

Story Of Mine Most Under-Appreciated By The Universe, In My Opinion oh this is tough. i don't really have expectations for fandom interaction, although it's definitely nice to get. i would say probably dance with me tonight (like everything's alright) (911) aka my ravi begins fic, although i fully acknowledge that childhood illness and hospitalization probably isn't the most popular fic topic

Most Fun Story To Write i gotta say clocks move faster (it's all we're after) (jatp) just because of the fandom interaction i got through it, also not to mention the jatp fandom is a riot, i loved being a part of it. it was my first multichap that i posted and seeing everyone's reactions in real time was amazing. there were some people who commented every chapter and they really encouraged me to finish it

Most Unintentionally Telling Story there were a few fics i knew would hit close to home for me when i wrote them but i didn't know how it's not rotten work if it's you (pjo) would also be included in this list. sometimes you just gotta put your middle school comfort characters into therapy and give them healthy communication skills if you can't do that in real life yet

Biggest Disappointment i wouldn't necessarily say there were any disappoints, but there were a few that got less hits/interaction than i thought they would. also like not to beat a dead horse among content creators on tumblr, but the reblog to likes ratio is always a little disheartening

Biggest Surprise arm in arm with me (911) without a doubt. it was just a little thing (literally it's not even 700 words) that i wrote waiting for a monday episode. i have no idea why it did so well, but i'm happy it clearly resonated with people

My Favorite Part Of Fandom This Year talking to everyone!!!!!! this is the first year i've been super involved in fandom (outside of hockey), and like actually interacting and making friends and it's been a blast. so thank you all for making this year a great one

Longest Fic: clocks move faster (it's all we're after) (20,093 words)

Shortest Fic: arm in arm with me (685 words)

Fic with the Most Kudos: clocks move faster (it's all we're after)

Fic with the Most Bookmarks: clocks move faster (it's all we're after)

Fic with the Most Comment Threads: clocks move faster (it's all we're after)

Total Amount of Kudos: 2509

Total Amount of Bookmarks: 367

Total Amount of Comment Threads: 124

Fests You’ve Written For: buddie week, earlier in december if it counts

Pairings Written For: buddie, willex, solangelo, tarlos, and a couple gen fics

[eatsless]

I posted 3,210 times in 2021

91 posts created (3%)

3119 posts reblogged (97%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 34.3 posts.

I added 17 tags in 2021

#omg - 4 posts

#halloween - 3 posts

#text post - 2 posts

#!!! - 2 posts

#writing poems while im crying at work lol - 1 posts

#be a decent human being - 1 posts

#pfffffthahaha - 1 posts

#omg i need these??!!@ - 1 posts

#i am so excited these are so frickin cute - 1 posts

#oh my gosh - 1 posts

Longest Tag: 107 characters

#me: he looked rude and evil. who laughs like a freaking disney villain while trying to run someone over??!!

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Is it a bad idea to text my now ex gf that breaking up with me via text was fucked up? I have the text drafted up and ready to send. I'm just so mad. It feels so disrespectful that she did it thru text

3 notes • Posted 2021-03-16 20:18:02 GMT

#4

Total tmi and gross abt poop

Idk how to do a read more so here

Bc of my disordered eating and fucked diet, I had a poop build up in my butt. Like, the poop had hardened so it wouldnt come out, and what bits I did get out were bad enough that it tore my butt ouch so I took a ton of lax last night to try to force something and it worked but holy fucking hell it was painful and bloody and I crave death. It's been a hot minute since I had this happen, the last time was last year and it was much worse than this, but it hurts so bad omggg I feel as if someone rammed my unprepared ass with a fucking wine bottle like holy hell

3 notes • Posted 2021-03-02 14:27:25 GMT

#3

Lately a lot of people have been saying how small and boney i am, even today one of my coworkers was like "its 80 degrees outside and you're in a sweater, you're nothing but bones no wonder you're cold. You're tiny!" And I was just like. Aaaa yes. Dopamine how I've missed thee

3 notes • Posted 2021-04-08 03:50:34 GMT

#2

I saw a picture of my younger self,

Her blonde curls striking and her

Face so soft and

Innocent.

I started crying,

The things I've done to

This young girl are devastating,

I've destroyed her.

I'm sorry

3 notes • Posted 2021-07-30 13:05:57 GMT

#1

Since she broke up with me on friday 3/12, ive:

Gotten blackout drunk and passed out face down on the floor

Gone on a 6 mile hike

Had a photography day

Ate a lot of asian food and found a really cute affordable hibachi restaurant

Did a campfire and smores

Had a girls day lunch with my mom, mawmaw, and auntie

Built a bookshelf

Exercised a lot!!

Played animal crossing and just dance

Hung out with friends

Got high on some devils lettuce and ordered a cute banana pipe from etsy

Gone shopping

Listened to a lottt of vinyls

Made some new friends on bumble bff who seem really cool!!

7 notes • Posted 2021-03-19 16:52:35 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[homosociallyyours]

Rules: answer 30 questions and tag 30 blogs you would like to get to know better

Tagged by: @holmezyan -- thanks, you freeman-loving wonder! sorry it took me so long to get to this!!

Nickname(s): Bean, Meggles, Dottie, Beene, Milton

Gender: Genderqueer femme

Zodiac: Taurus sun & moon, Gemini rising

Height: 5′5″ (roughly)

Coffee, tea or hot chocolate: Lately I’ve been drinking Yorkshire Gold or Irish Breakfast instead of coffee (trying to have a little less caffeine), but I know I’ll return to coffee again sometime. I started drinking it when I was maybe 6 or so. Nice one, parents. 

Fav band(s): The Indigo Girls, One Direction, Bikini Kill, Magnetic Fields, Le Tigre, The Butchies, Team Dresch (why are all but 2 of my bands not together and making music? what have i done to deserve this fate?)

Fav solo artist(s): Niall Horan, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Kaia Wilson, Joan Armatrading, Dar Williams, Dolly Parton, Mirah, Jens Lekman, Sia, Gillian Welch

Song stuck in my head: Bebe’s new song, Ferrari. 

Last movie I saw: I watched Despicable Me 3 the other night on netflix. It was...everything I expected. The last movie I saw in the theater was Love, Simon

Last show I saw:  Theater? I think it was Hamilton last year! TV? I’m currently watching the finale of Glam Masters. It’s...ok.

When did I create my blog: 2012? YIKES

What do I post: A mishmash of everything I find interesting. Currently: 1D, Johnlock, queer shit, femme shit, Martin Freeman, US politics, Janelle Monae, other women making music that makes me feel gayer, meme/meme culture posts, and definitely too many “ask me questions about myself” posts bc i spent too many years on livejournal. 

Last thing I googled: Last night I was sitting with bander and wanted her to hear a song from my friends’ band, so I think the last thing I googled was “gaymous ross dress for less” which only kinda got me the result I wanted. Which was this amazing song. (Please listen, you won’t regret it!!)

Do I have any other blogs: Several! On here I have a cheese tumblr @heycheeselady (it’s mostly dead, i haven’t reblogged to it in ages) and a benedict cumberbatch meme tumblr that i used to co-run @darlingdomesticbatch that is now long abandoned (rip, it was actually really cute and fun while it lasted). I have a dreamwidth that used to be my livejournal where i really let my depression, anxiety, and emotional self-harm cut loose to like 2 or 3 other ppl (it’s a yikes-ass nightmare). ALSO i still have a diaryland diary (!!!) that is my private corner of the internet where i post inelegant poetic prose about my actual private emotions in ways that would feel dangerous to do in front of anyone but strangers. if i ever give you the info, you aren’t allowed to talk to me about it. i probably won’t give you the info. but i’ve had it since...2000? 2001? I definitely wrote about losing my virginity over there. embarrassing!! 

Do I get asks: Sometimes when I ask for them nicely. I rarely get anons, but after my 1 day brush with fame (which i think of as 1950gate) I realized that’s a good thing bc it’s fucking exhausting to have multiple ppl asking you the same question that you already answered/never wanted to answer anyway. also ppl can be mean! 

Why did I choose my url: I knew I was going to be blogging about sherlock and queer stuff, and I thought about what really connected those things. For me, it’s the homosocial-- social spaces and interactions that are focused on same gender relationships --that fuels the homosexual/makes me gayer. The description for my blog is “i am a homosocialsexual” because that’s really what i am. The yours part...I just liked the idea of signing off on everything. I remain homosocially yours,   

Following: 720 (and that’s after i unfollowed all the dead blogs. what can i say, I like having a voluminous and varied dash)

Followed by: 920 (this number is...shockingly high, ngl)

Favorite color(s): Bright dark pink and emerald green. Deep royal purple. Cornflower blue. The color of sun through leaves in the woods. 

Average hours of sleep: 6-12, there’s rarely an inbetween. 

Lucky number: 13

Instruments: I play ukulele and I’m a good enough singer to consider my voice an instrument in its own way.

What I’m wearing: Buffalo check thermal pj leggings and my fave grey pizza t-shirt

Dream job: Basically my current job? Though I should amend that because my reality needs to shift...I’m probably never going to be able to do my job full time again. So. Dream Job would be teaching cheese tasting classes to groups of 10-20 people at a time, giving info about the cheeses and how to taste them, how to prep them for a cheese plate, what to pair them with (and how). Ideally I would do all of this with a team of 2-4 other people, making decisions cooperatively and collectively. 

Dream trip: One month trip thru France visiting various cheesemakers and ending with a week in the south with my friend who has family down there. 

Fav food: Cheese. Ha :) 

Nationality: I’m Southern (from the US). My regional identity feels very important to me.

Fav song: Ummm I definitely can’t pick. Nope. 

Last book I read: Y’all I haven’t read a paper book in a hot minute. I just haven’t been able to do it. I even have books to read. My brain says NO NO NO. But the last book length fic I read was Own the Scars, and damn was it good!

Last fanfic I read: We’ll Be Seamless, which was a really great slowburn that ended so sweetly (with lots of hot moments along the way)

Random fact: I met my best friend in preschool when we were 3 years old. I’m even in her baby book. We had a few years of not being quite as close, but now at 37 we’re somehow still BFFs. We’re also both queer and big geeks, which is a nice thing. 

I’m tagging some random folks! Probably not 30 though, so if you see this and wanna do it, PLEASE DO IT & tag me in! (and really, I mean it, I don’t care if we’re mutuals or not!)

@yellinradios @swimmingbirdrunningrock @aprillikesthings @ann-fortunately

@miafi @always-aqua @valeria2067 @a-brighter-yellow @jaerie @yorkiepug

@yearofsolouis @suddenclarityharry @cumberbitchsandwich

[nerdexpress]

All of them. I dare

Oh Christ **Long Post Ahead**Personal Stuff Ahead**

1. Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend?- I mean sure why not, I’d love to date somebody

2. When did your last hug take place?- A couple weeks ago at a school thing

3. Are you a jealous person?- I don’t think so

4. Are you tired right now?- YES

5. Do you chew on your straws?- No

6. Have you ever been called a tease?- I’ve used omegle video chat a few times in my life and creeps would get irritated that I wasn’t there to sext them so yeah a couple of times (I do not go on there anymore I only went to either talk with people across the world, I was bored, or I wanted to play pranks on people)

7. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?- Yes, one summer I stayed up all night without realizing it and I felt fine like the whole day and still went to bed late

8. Do you cry easily?- No, I do tear up but not often full on cry

9. What should you be doing right now?- Doing my laundry and cleaning my dorm and going to bed

10. Are you a heavy sleeper?- Kind of yeah

11. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?- No idea since I’ve never been in a romantic relationship but I hope I could

12. Are you mad at someone right now?- No

13. Do you believe in love?- Yes

14. What makes you laugh no matter what?- I don’t know tbh. Funny youtube videos

15. What was the last person you talked to?- In real life, a friend from college, but I am also chatting with my roommate through tumblr right now

16. Do you get butterflies around the person you like?- Okay I don’t have a crush on anyone currently, and I’ve only had a couple of Actual crushes but one of them was easier to talk to while the other I was terrified of accidentally staring at them so I just. Didn’t so I’ve got no clue what my regular feelings are but due to anxiety I probably would be just a mess

17. Will you get married?- I hope so

18. When was the last time you smiled?- 20 minutes ago as I finished rewatching the almost 2 hour youtube video on why Sherlock sucks. Good video.

19. Does anyone like you?- I don’t know

20. Do you secretly like someone?- No

21. Who was the first person you talked to today?- The cafeteria lady who gave me my eggs and bacon for breakfast

22. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?- My roommate

23. What are you NOT looking forward to?- Classes starting again on Monday

24. What ARE you looking forward to?- Seeing my roommate again on Sunday bc she’s been gone for the whole month and I finally get to give her her birthday present

25. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?- No because I’ve never been in a relationship

26. Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do?- I don’t have any ex partners so SKIP

27. Do you plan on moving out within the next year?- I am in college and my school won’t let anyone live off campus during the year so no. I can’t leave either of my parents’ houses either because I can’t rent anywhere because my job is a campus job not meant for me to live off of and again, I have to live on campus anyway

28. Are you a forgiving person?- Depends on what the person did

29. How many TRUE friends do you have?- 5

30. Do you fall for people easily?- No

31. Have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend?- Don’t have an ex so SKIP

32. What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?- Conversation hearts that I am still eating

33. Who was the last person you drove with?- I think my mom? It’s been over a month so it was probably with my mom over Christmas break

34. How late did you stay up last night and why?- Oh I didn’t sleep. I was trying to fix my schedule but then I fell asleep for like 6 hours later on today so idk how my body is working itself out right now

35. If you could move somewhere else, would you?- I mean maybe but idk where to go. There isn’t a specific destination I have in mind for my future

36. What was the last person you took a picture of?- I took a selfie with my friend Sarah when we hung out on Christmas break

37. Can you live a day without TV?- Yeah, I did that today even

38. When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?- I had to miss a stream from Seb a couple weeks ago on the ONE night that week that I worked

39. Three names you go by: Miranda, Panda, Punk Mermaid

40. Are you currently in a relationship?- No

41. What is your all-time favorite romance movie?- Moulin Rouge

42. Do you believe that everyone has a soulmate?- Yes but it’s not just one soulmate. Your best friend for life is a soulmate, your romantic partner who you marry or just live the rest of your life with is your soulmate, other factors and types of relationships can be a sort of soulmate. It’s a connection, it’s togetherness and closeness.

43. What’s your current problem?- OH BOY so I have several. I can’t sleep at normal times, my school schedule isn’t working out and I have classes on Monday, I’m suffering from anxiety and self-doubt because I don’t know how to conduct myself in social situations and feel completely invisible to people in my daily life and I feel forgettable, I have anger issues because I’m angry in general but also specifically because I have not fully healed from living with my mom’s ex boyfriend who was abusive and toxic from ages 13 to 17 and my mom isn’t dealing with her problems from that relationship and it is causing trouble for my brother who I feel bad about leaving behind at home, I have personal anxiety about tumblr because of some drama that I tried to make people aware of but hardly anyone payed any attention and now the person it was about just gets to live their life on here while I get to live with the grief of dealing with how I see people and I am still naive on a person’s true nature because of them and people I follow and am mutuals with continue to follow them though I can’t see their posts because they blocked me which is fine I only know because I can still see when people reblog from them, I can’t bring up the energy to clean my room, I miss my roommate, I’ve been lonely for most of my life and idk how to fix it, I’ve barely left my room in a month, and I’m just. Miserable.

44. Have you ever had your heart broken?- Not from romantic relationships, no. But it’s been broken by a collection of other things. (see above and guess the history)

45. Your thoughts of long distance relationships?- They’re beautiful. The resilience and closeness people can get even from being far away is romantic and lovely and I hope the best for each person in those relationships.

46. How many kids do you want to have?- Two

47. Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them?- If this is talking about a crush, I have never told a crush ever that I liked them.

Sorry for the long post!

[heyaasiz]

I feel incredibly unsettled rn, and my anxiety’s gone haywire.

I love Adena as much as I can love a character without actually watching the entirety of the show, forgiving a lot of the things that make her unrealistic to me: that she can return to Iran after having her lesbian sexuality on any of her social media, the way she wears her various scarves and hijab (except for the scene at the airport), her accent, the way she holds herself, her last name... there’s a whole lot of things that make her stand askew of a realistic LGBT Iranian (to me, who has admittedly not met many LGBT Iranians irl before). 

I want someone like her to exist, with that beauty and inner peace (self-accord?) and with her religious faith intact (?? have you met an Iranian? we grow up at odds with our religion or it consumes us. there’s no peace there). It seems almost impossible to me. 

The last gifset I reblogged has Adena speaking Farsi in the subtitles? Does she? I have an urgent compulsion to see the scene and I raked YouTube for it to no avail. If only I could hear Adena, the fictional and unrealistic Iranian, speak Farsi to her lover, this odd mood would give out. 

I shouldn’t have started this post listing the things I find unrealistic about Adena, bc that’s not what this feeling’s about. It’s about seeing Farsi used in an intimate setting between two girls and what that is gonna do to my mental block about that specific situation and how intense it’s gonna be? kind of. I’m not sure how to put it into words. It’s too late at night to think about this. God.

[kajdaldjslkajdkl]

under a readmore bc it’s kind of personal, likes and replies are ok but pls dont reblog <3 

honestly im very much looking forward to the high holy days bc things have been so hard lately and ive felt disconnected from Hashem. 

i was very good about going to temple last semester but this summer i moved back home for a few months and didn’t go at all and it’s so hard to begin a new routine. i know it’s just a matter of forcing myself to do it a few times before it becomes habit, but i work during the day fridays till four pm and im always so exhausted after being on my feet for 6 hours and the idea of showering and changing and driving across town to temple is overwhelming. 

i think a big part of my problem is that i’m thinking about going to temple-- and praying, and studying, and generally staying active in Jewish life-- as a chore, or another obligation i have to deal with on top of work and school and financial obligations. taking the time to pray, or to go to temple or to a torah study session, or to go to one of the on-campus chabad events, or read the parsha, seems like something i can’t afford right now.

but i read a post a while back about treating shabbat as a form of self-care; using the time off to recharge for the week to come, and i want to apply that idea to other (jewish) aspects of my life. being careful about preparing kosher meals can help me to spend less money in restaurants and on fast food, and will probably help me lose weight. taking the time in the mornings to pray might help me go into school less anxious and tense about the long day to come. i have to think about going to temple not as another obligation to deal with after work, but rather as a treat after working all day, a high note to end the night on. 

im really going to dive in head-first to the holidays this year, especially on yom kippur. i want to use the time to try and resolve some of this. i hate that depression ruins everything for me. i hate that my resolve and commitment to conversion is weakened when i enter a depressive episode. i hate that i feel so much less connected to Hashem when i’m sad and tired all the time.

if anyone has tips or advice or anything it’s 10000000% welcome :’)

[pastachip]

got tagged by @igneous-croc! thank you i love talkin about myself

Rules: answer 30 questions then tag a handful a people you’d like to know better

Nicknames: Pasta, Blue Gender: nonbinary Star Sign: Scorpio MBTI Type: i’m always right on the line between ISFJ and INTP so what is the truth Height: 5′4″ Time: 2:15 pm Birthday: November 2 Fav Bands: uhh Neon Trees, Fall Out Boy, One Direction, Block B, Breakbot, The Killers, The Chainsmokers, Imagine Dragons, Savage Garden... those are all the bands that I have more than one song saved for Fav solo artists: lots of these... HOME and Saint Pepsi... been listenin to a lot of future funk lately so BIGWAVE, Groovy Godzilla, Night Tempo, Future Girlfriend, Stereoplastic, Sugarcream, Desired... Skrillex... if vocaloids count as solo artists then Hatsune Miku, Gumi, and Kagamine Len are my favorites... Kesha.. Pitbull.. The Chainsmokers... Mystery Skulls.. again that’s just all the artists i have more than one song saved for Song stuck in my mind: One Direction - No Control Last movie watched: Wonder Woman Last show watched: Dekaranger When did I create my blog: i had to check bc i didn’t know off the top of my head but it was in june 2015 What do I post about: pigeons, legend of zelda, super smash bros, okami, chao, the elder scrolls, fire emblem, memes, and whatever games or anime i get into Last thing I googled: dark souls 3 first boss Do you have other blogs: yeah here’s a shameless self promo for my oc blog @baejax and i have a few others, mutuals if you’ve ever seen @momsmemes reblog somethin from you that is also me Why did you choose your url: it’s my name yo... my internet alias... Following: 276 Followers: 155 Fav Colour: blue, any kind of blue, but my favorite kinds are like cobalt blue Average hours of sleep: at least 7 but as many as 11... i’m very tired despite not doin anythin Lucky number: 4 Instruments: is mayonnaise an instrument What I’m wearing: jeans and a t shirt like i am every day... such a Look... How many blankets do I sleep with: 3-5 Dream job: some kind of well-paying desk job would be ideal, other than that i haven’t really figured out what i want to do Dream trip: SPAIN i miss the mountains more every day... Fav food: pasta! bet you didn’t see that one coming Nationality: white american

tagging just a few off the top of my head, feel free to ignore it: @scary-monstahs @pinkandscrow @bastetmariah @yuuaku @johnnysu @terra-terrible @ryugu-sonozaki @nataliaroserain