#self esteem for ts

[4nge1s]

not me thinking about how angel only views himself as a body and something to be used cause it's the only thing he's good for and if he doesn't have that and then what is he? but also part of him wanting to destroy himself cause then he is nothing anymore and he'll be left alone . . .

[verbjectives]

Of course we're ending this day on a bad brain jesus christ

[kelpeigh]

The need to get a better job that pays a livable wage

versus

The instant tailspin into cataclysmic despair into which I’m thrown upon merely opening job listing sites

[lily-janus]

Someone Like You

Hello everyone! This has been a little bit overdue heh but I'm finally ready to start posting for @tsspromptmonth ! The first few chapters are still not the parts I wrote but the wonderful parts @prince-rowan-of-the-forest wrote! So give them credit for those! I'll be posting a chapter every week, if anyone would like me to tag them to get notified feel free to reach out in the asks or dms^^

Chapter one | next

Summary: after you get into an accident that leaves you with chronic pain and partial blindness and causes you to get bullied and laughed at at school and the only friend you ever had ditches you for the pupolar friend group, you kinda don't really feel like connecting with anyone anymore... even if you do have a crush on them. So, of course, now you're forced to work with them on a project for English class... what could possibly go wrong?

Pairings: pre romantic Roceit, platonic LAMP

Warnings: bullying, public humiliation, unsympathetic Janus (kinda? He's being mean a lot but it's kinda understandable), misunderstandings, self degrading thoughts, chronic pain, partial blindness, trying to hide your disability, lying, low self esteem, unrequired love(for now), swearing. I think that's it but let me know if I missed anything.

Word count: 2,898

Growing up, Janus had always been different. He liked to hide in the shadows, he lied far more often than was necessary, to the point where the people who knew him knew to take most things he said to mean the opposite, when he wasn’t lying he was either too shy to speak or rude to anyone who bothered trying.

And of course, there was a massive scar across half of his face. Yeah, that was a pretty big one. He’d gotten it during the car accident that killed his mother when he was very young, since then he’d been blind in one eye and had bad vision in the other, his habit of lying had gotten even worse and he often felt terrible pains in his left limbs which the doctor had said may be chronic and probably wouldn’t go away any time soon and no matter how many physio sessions he attended or meds he took the pains never really seemed to leave him alone.

Whenever he went outside people always seemed to stare, odd looks seemed to follow him wherever he went, sympathy was the best he could hope for, pity was the most common, disgust he’d come to expect, hatred towards him just for existing was something he’d gotten used to over the years.

Now, ten years since the accident, he’d gotten used to everything that came from being different. The stares in the school hallways when he used his cane, the angry looks when he bumped into someone on the street, not realising that they were as close as they were, usually when they were on his blind side.

He got angry look after angry look from his teachers when he lied time and time again. The exasperated look his therapist always gave him when he’d come back every week only to report little progress as always.

Unfortunately, now that he was older, a junior in highschool, he was starting to realise there were a few more issues than just the looks and the lies. At the age of seventeen Janus started to notice things. He noticed the two seniors walking arm in arm down the hall. He accidentally walked in on two of his classmates doing the devil’s tango in the bathroom more than once (which had immediately made it onto his short list of reasons he wished he was fully blind, possibly deaf too). He noticed his classmates passing notes in the seats in front of him, the notes adorned with little hearts or smiley faces which made the receiver blush and turn away with a silent giggle.

The romance was everywhere now when it hadn’t been so prominent before, and like a lot of other kids his age, Janus was starting to want it too. The issue he faced was… well who would ever love him?

Of course it was easy to notice the beautiful girls and even more beautiful boys getting together, it was in plain sight, like everyone had suddenly decided to pair off. But he also noticed the kids who didn’t meet society's strict (and stupid, in Janus’ humble opinion) standards for beauty. The girl with acne, the boy who was slightly overweight, the trans girl in his class who hadn’t been able to transition quite yet, the girl who liked to have her hair short and clothes baggy just because. None of those people had been able to pair off, whether they wanted to or not, they sat alone at lunch and in class, they didn’t get invited to parties or get partners for dances.

Janus noticed all this because he was one of those people too. The popular kids would fling insults and slurs at him like he was a witch in a medieval stoning, they would point at him discreetly in the halls and laugh. They'd throw paper balls at the back of his head in class. He'd even been pummelled by a basketball once because kids really didn't know when to stop. He’d had his lunch smacked from his hands, he’d been shoved and pushed and kicked while he was down. Janus knew what it was like, and he knew his crowd.

Unfortunately, that didn’t mean his heart would obey him and stick to that crowd.

Because Janus found his eye wandering in class, he couldn’t help the way he was drawn in, like iron to a magnet, and he hated it. He despised the feeling so deeply, because it made him want. It made him want for something he was sure he could never hope to have.

Roman was somehow both a prep and a jock, a theatre kid who always seemed to be the centre of attention in whatever situation he found himself in. Roman was the prime example of the people who bullied him. If someone asked Janus to point out the kind of person who made fun of him in the corridors, he’d tell them ‘people like Roman’ because there he was, strutting down the middle of the corridor with his friends, wearing his custom varsity jacket (with a golden crown and his last name- Prince- printed on the back in gold). They would walk past and people would get out of the way, they would walk into a class and everyone would stare, but never in the same way they stared at him.

Roman might be the prime example of one of his bullies, but funnily enough Roman himself had never done anything to him. At least not in person. Janus had no way of knowing what was said behind his back (a lot was said behind his back) but he did know that Roman had never been the one to throw the basketball, Roman had never shoved him out of the way, he’d never tripped him or smacked his lunch to the floor. In fact, Roman had never interacted with him at all.

And yet for some reason, Janus’ heart longed for him, that glittery eyeshadow, those bright green eyes, his brown hair that seemed to shine red and gold in the light. But despite his own wants he knew it wouldn't happen, he wouldn't even attempt to lie to himself, there was no hope for him.

If anyone asked, which they never did, Janus would say he despised the other boy. Hated the way he leant back on his chair during English class without a care in the world. He would say he hated the way he could hear Roman's melodic laugh over the cacophony of the cafeteria. The way his eye was always drawn to the guy when he acted so perfectly in their drama class. Hated the way Roman’s hair shone shades of rust and gold and brown in the sun, hated the way his green eyes reminded him of a forest in the summer, hated the way he was able to speak loud and free like he’d never experienced a problem in his life.

Roman was so far out of his league they weren't even playing the same sport- or- whatever the hell that idiom was supposed to mean. Not only that but Roman was already taken, by the stupid emo kid who used to be his best friend, in fact.

Used to be his best friend, that is, until Virgil ditched him the moment he got a chance to be part of the cooler group. The moment he realised that Patton didn't mind his dark makeup and Roman found his dark mysterious aesthetic interesting he’d been gone. He had lost his best friend to the popular kids four years ago, it was only last year when the rumours that Roman and Virgil had started dating began to spread and it made Janus' chest ache with jealousy.

But Janus got on with things despite that. He tried not to glance at Virgil when he passed him in the halls, he tried not to stare at Roman during class and when he sat alone at lunch. He tried to keep himself as mysterious and elusive as he could- he didn't talk to anyone if he could help it and when he had to he spoke in backwards riddles and lies, safe to say no-one wanted to be paired with him for group projects.

And then came one horrible day. It had already been an awful day for him already. His scars were acting up, feeling like they were pulled tight and they itched- they itched so badly despite the lotions and oils he had to put on them every morning. On top of that he'd forgotten both his hat and his glasses when he'd ran out of the house late and he'd been tripped in the corridor twice, it was only his second lesson of the day.

Janus wanted nothing more than to sink through the floor as their teacher went on and on about something or another that he'd catch up on later because he could never focus when he was around other people even when he could actually see what was on the screen. That was until he heard those dreaded words.

"You'll be doing this homework project in pairs!" Their teacher announced and Janus could practically feel the eyes land on him before people glanced away to look at their friends, wondering who would be unlucky enough to end up with him this time.

"Can we choose our own partner?" A girl asked, her voice quiet and tentative as if she didn't want to give the teacher the idea she was hoping the answer would be yes.

The class held their breaths in wait for the answer. The teacher's simple yes or no answer would determine what happened next. If she said yes it would be a chaotic scramble to pair up, a race not to be the last person left without a partner. Because of course the last person to find a partner would end up with Janus.

"No," She said, and now all the class could do was hope, "I’ve bade a list of your partner assignments, please find your name on here and move to sit next to your partner,"

Janus just stayed where he was. He couldn't see the list without his glasses anyway and whoever was his partner would come and sit next to him eventually, probably after asking the teacher if they could switch. Meanwhile Janus looked down at the sheets in front of him, trying to work out though blurry vision and painful scars what the hell they had been learning about.

"Hey," Someone said, sitting down next to him, "You're Janus, right? I'm your partner,"

Janus just hummed, he didn't bother to look up, if he waited long enough maybe his partner would just give up and decide to get on with it by themself.

"Um- I don't think we've ever talked before, but I'm Roman, Prince," He said, Janus' head snapped up and he blinked rapidly, hoping his eyes would actually give him a clearer picture for omce. It really was Roman, honestly fuck him. The universe really seemed to hate him today, "Nice to meet you?"

"Oh won't this be fun," Janus said quietly, he didn't have the energy to muster his usual snippy tone, push him away, his brain said, there's no point in even trying, "Stuck with the class pretty-boy,"

"You will have a month to complete the project," The teacher announced, interrupting whatever taunt or jab Roman probably had prepared for him, a month, seriously? "And I expect you to work with your partner outside of class for this project, I will not be giving you time during classes after today to work on this,"

"Fantastic," Janus said, completely deadpan, he could already hear whispers from other pairs, people pitying Roman for getting stuck with him, but Roman didn't seem to notice in the slightest, he simply placed a notebook on the table and grabbed a pen- a sparkly red glitter gel pen with a plume of tinsel coming from the top- before turning to him again.

"So… any ideas of what we could do?" Roman asked, looking at him with a smile, it was sweet of him to try, Janus thought. He'd give up eventually, just like anyone else.

"I totally know exactly what we're supposed to be doing right now," Janus answered, hand subconsciously going to scratch at the spot by his ear where scar tissue met skin. He grimaced when a nail caught on the rough skin, causing a sharp yanking pain and suddenly he was once again reminded of why he wasn't supposed to scratch the scars. He picked up a pen and began to twirl it instead.

"We're making a project in the format of our choice based around Macbeth," Roman explained with a little bit of a laugh in his voice, Janus sighed, it sounded like a lot of work- and it meant that Janus would actually have to read the Shakespeare play, damn, "So… any ideas of what we could do? It doesn't seem very limited, as long as it's based on the play, so…"

"Nope, no ideas at all," Janus said, flicking his pen effortlessly over his fingers now. He did have an idea or two, but he really didn't feel like sharing, just thinking about Roman made him want to shrivel up and die, let alone being open towards the guy.

"Oh- well that's ok," Roman said with a smile that Janus was certain was forced, even though he couldn’t see, any smile directed at him was usually forced, "Hey- um- here, I'll give you my phone number so we can work out a time to work on this ok?"

"Right," Janus said, taking the paper Roman offered him a moment later. He only fumbled a little bit.

"So I thought it would be fun to do something creative! Like.. we could rewrite the script but modernised! Or- hm- what if we filmed it like a movie?"

"We have a month to do this and you expect us, two highschoolers with zero experience, one of whom can barely move at the best of times, to be able to make a whole movie?" Janus asked, staring at Roman in genuine shock. He shrugged.

"I don't see why not!" He huffed, and, ok, so this guy was delusional, Janus could… probably work with that? "Unless you don't like the idea of course, I believe we could do it,"

"Alright sure, say I was ok with this completely rational idea, where the hell would we film it? On what equipment?" Janus said, glaring at him.

"Well…" Roman said, thinking, "Me and you would obviously act- and don't say you can't act because I've seen you in drama, you do well when you're not paired with someone who's an asshole,"

Janus just stared at him, Roman actually knew he existed? Let alone remember him?

"I could find somewhere for us to film, we just need some kind of castle-ish place… maybe we could use a church? And as for filming… I think my dad might have a tripod? We can just use one of our phones or something…"

"I can't believe I'm actually agreeing to this," Janus sighed, "Can't we just make a stupid PowerPoint slide like normal people,"

"We could," Roman said, before smiling, "But that would be dreadfully boring, wouldn't it?"

Janus just hummed and tried to hide a smile. He looked at his notebook, going to begin writing down plans for their project before realising that oh yeah, his vision was still too blurry to see anything in enough detail to write legibly. He sighed and looked back over at Roman, who was still watching him.

"Is everything alright?" Roman asked, he must've noticed Janus pause.

"I'm fine," Janus said, on instinct at this point, closing his book, "We should plan in your notebook,"

"Oh, ok!" Roman said, shrugging as he turned to a new page in his notebook, flicking the lid off of his gel pen and writing, in big enough letters to make out "Macbeth The Movie" in swirling fancy cursive the middle of the page and underlining it. Underneath he wrote some more things, but Janus couldn't make them out.

"You do realise this play is five acts long, don't you?" Janus asked as Roman scribbled down some more stuff on the next page, before looking up.

"Yeah? So?" Roman asked.

"It has over two hours of runtime," Janus said slowly, hoping to guide Roman into realising what an immense and stupid project this would be.

"And?"

"Hollywood films of the same length can take years to film," Janus reasoned, talking slowly.

"We can do this, Janus!" Roman said firmly, determination in his voice, "No need to be so gloomy! We're not Hollywood, we don't need fancy costumes or scriptwriting or anything! It won't take as long as that!"

"Your endless optimism already astounds me…." Janus muttered, beginning to pack away his things. “I suppose we can try, at least.”

"Just text me," Roman said with a smile that, for some reason, seemed genuine, "We can meet up later to plan this out properly,"

Janus just nodded as the bell rang before standing up and heading for the door, silently praying that he wouldn't be tripped again, not here, not in front of his stupid stupid crush who for some reason was actually being nice to him

[userzade]

need to start gatekeeping the yeehaw show because of some zade slander.

some of you don't understand them like my oomfs and i do!

[heavencasteel420]

WIP Wednesday!

From Drive All Night:

Soon the lights dimmed and music from a single trumpet, warm and low, snaked throughout the room. A girl, maybe a couple years older than Nancy, stepped through the multicolored curtains. She had brown skin, a sweetly rounded face, and serious dark eyes ringed with kohl. Her dress was a simple, modestly cut midnight blue velvet, with absolutely adorable shoes to match. Nancy wondered how hard it would be to find sky blue pumps.  Then a butterfly, pink and luminescent, appeared in the girl’s hand, and Nancy forgot all about shopping.  “How?” she whispered to Heather, but the other girl just giggled. “A magician never reveals her secrets,” she said, gazing raptly at Kali.  More wonders followed: a swarm of butterflies, a flock of birds, a parade of dancing flowers. In vain, Nancy looked around for a film projector. Then she gave up, ordered a sidecar, and enjoyed the rest of the show.  Kali finished with a shower of light that rained down on her until it covered her body in shining golden scales. Then the lights went out. A split second later, they came on and she was gone. 

From Tonight, Tonight, The Highway's Bright:

Billy wasn’t in English class the following Monday, so Nancy offered to bring him the homework assignment for 1984. Mr. Lassiter smiled at her hesitantly and said it was nice of her. All the teachers were careful with her now; her transformation from goody-two-shoes bookworm to King Steve’s latest consort to screaming crazy girl to popular ice queen in the space of a few months had made them nervous. Nancy wore soft, fluffy pastel sweaters over demure knee-length skirts and put ribbons in her hair to smooth over the past (and, truth be told, to get a rise out of Carol, who hated her outfits), but of course people remembered her punching the wall. Her hand still ached when it rained.

From Tomorrow's a Long Way Off:

“There you are,” said a tired-looking Mr. Green as he entered the lobby. “Go help Robin clean up Cinema 1, will you? These kids are animals.”  Sure enough, Robin was standing in the middle of the theater next to the bright yellow cleaning cart, looking despairingly down at the fold-out seat. When Jonathan got close, he saw a suspicious dark patch on the worn red fabric. When he got closer, the ammonia smell of urine hit his nostrils. “Okay,” he told Robin. “Don’t panic.” “I’m not panicking,” she said. Her eyes were wide, and she sounded like she was trying not to laugh, which wasn’t reassuring. “Jonathan…they’re just so gross.”  “Some kids just get way too excited over Star Wars,” he said, suppressing a grin. It was gross, and he would’ve been in a much more sour mood if he’d had to face it alone. “It’s not a big deal. Paper towel, water and vinegar, baking soda, vacuum. That’s all you need.” “They also drink their weight in Coke,” Robin grumbled, as he pulled a roll of paper towels from the cart and started blotting the seat. “Thanks a lot, by the way. Chrissy Cunningham said you cut up all the frogs and stuff for her in bio last semester, but I wasn’t expecting…” She trailed off and grabbed a trash bag from the cart, then started picking litter off the floor. “She took all the notes,” he said. “Her handwriting’s way better than mine.” 

[frightseeing-15]

Fun fact

If his life didn't fall apart he'd be a menace.

As I've said before Rio is a bit morbid it comes with his Quirk, so he'd have darker things to say and maybe be a bit more malicious with his Quirk.

He'd get into fights because of how rowdy his sister is rubbing off on him and his entire family being his support system would helped him grow a backbone really early on in his childhood.

Not having the trauma of his dad leaving "because of him" constantly making him second every reassurance his mother gives him about his Quirk he'd wouldn't be so scared of it, himself or others.

He'd still be scared of birds though.

His probably wouldn't have his service bunnies though.

[demonicallyslaying]

HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF MY BLOG :DDDDD

Thank you to all of my followers that help me strive to keep this shit up:

@coffin-spider

@mossse-700

@breezycatuwu

@yourlocalxiaosimp

@ticklefightqueen

@snivy1245

@mmmalmec

@ghost-171-blah

@ask-the-upper-moons

@1derica

@danineedshelp

@therianslaypotato

@forthefearofme

@pwushiiez

@quzq

@inkturnstoblood

@in-a-mello-mood

@ts-loria1n

@arabidp0ssum

@crackheadcalledc

and @cheezbot

To be entirely honest I didn’t think the blog would make it this far 😅 But I’m really glad it did! And I’m super happy and thankful for all of you guys supporting me! Let’s celebrate together🥳

P.S. you guys have really no idea how much this means to me. Knowing there are people out there that care about my thoughts and life really keeps me motivated and pretty chill! As you may or may not know, I’ve been struggling with my mental health since I was in fourth grade, especially with my not-so-great dad, and this, for me, is a great way to keep my self-esteem up and really just have a way to get my negative thoughts out. The fact you guys care enough about my thoughts and feelings to go as far as following me on social media makes me happier than you think!

Thank you again! Here’s to another amazing year of fun and dumbassery!

(term by @yourlocalxiaosimp)

🫂🥂

[reallife6anoufriev6boy6]

father ts personal project?

i wanted to post a character i made to go along with one of my friends characters, so this is me posting it!

please note he is supposed to be an OVER EXAGGERATION of the tcc and what people think we are like. its not serious/how i see anyone - its all just jokes.

Kenneth Dylan Ainsley

18 years old

he/him

homosexual

୭ 💽 ✧ ˚. ᵎᵎ 📓

dylan was born into jewish, average american family and grew up lower-middle class. he lived(s) in a mediocre neighborhood in a somewhat okay house. its falling apart, but is good for the time being.

his parents fight constantly like the average american couple and theyve subjected dylan and his younger brother, mason.

his life isnt very eventful and he tries his best to keep it that way.

hes close with his grandparents who he calls “bubbe” and “zayde”. they are both retired school teachers and they help him with his extensive school work and school applications. he spends a lot of time at their house in the guest bedroom, but when his parents saw his columbine tattoos he was disowned and kicked out. he went to go live with his grandparents.

he no longer believes in judaism but instead believes in reincarnation and spirituality. he hopes to he reborn as black cat.

୭ 💽 ✧ ˚. ᵎᵎ 📓

dylan is 5’7 and rather chubby, weighing about 155 pounds rather then the average 148 for his height.

he has shaggy, long brown hair that almost looks black and he has plenty of acne and freckles on his face and body.

he wears brown, thin framed glasses and lots of flannel shirts with leather coats and jeans. he wears boots mostly as well and sometimes he will wear band shirts or ones that correlate with bis favorite crime cases.

he has self harm scars all over his body as well all varying in how bad they are. he has some words and symbols carved in as well.

he doesnt seem the type, but he also has tattoos. he has dirk striders shoulder tattoo as well as dylans cross and “wrath” tattooed on his body. he also has erics shotgun and dylans tec-90 tattooed.

he struggles with mental health disorders and asthma #nerd and is on a slue of medications and he always has an inhaler with him.

୭ 💽 ✧ ˚. ᵎᵎ 📓

dylan owns three pets. two rats and one black cat all respectively named “juke” “joint” and “jezebel” after the kmfdm song.

dylan is constantly studying and working on school applications. hed rather be doing that then hanging out with friends or meeting people. he cares too much about his grades and future. his grandparents try to push him to go out but he doesnt.

he is a total nerd and he loves superheroes and all of that kind of stuff. he collects comic books and cds and loves to watch shows like southpark and the simpsons.

he also really likes homestuck and the tcc. his favorite homestuck character is dirk strider and his favorite case is columbine.

he runs a blog website under the name “naturalwrath” and he frequently visits tumblr as well. he fangirls over dylan and his entire blog is facts and information about him as well as talking about how much he wants to date him. he has a delusional attachment to him.

he plays dnd and had a homestuck themed campaign with some of his nerdier friends.

when dylan falls in love, he falls in love HARD. he gets paranoid and obsessive, but he doesnt do anything with it. he typically just gets celebrity crushes and stalks famous people online.

when in relationships he is very distant and unavailable. hes terrible at them, but during sex he will be like a dog at the foot of your bed. he has a thing for worshipping his sexual partners and being treated as a follower.

his entire self esteem and mood depends on his relationships. if he gets broken up with then good luck getting him to even get out of bed.

he doesnt show ANY of this. on the outside he seems like a stuck up, lonely nerd who hates everyone and only wants to be in his books. he comes off incredibly boring and lame basically.

he had dated another boy named sascha who was an active juggalo. he reminded dylan of gamzee as well as the fact he had the same name as kmfdms lead singer so he was instantly hooked on him, but they werent good together.

they broke up eventually and it had made dylan spiral and be more on edge and agitated. he still kept all of his old clothes, pictures, and face paint containers too. it didnt help him feel better - it just kept him stuck in the past.

they broke up over the phone and dylan couldnt stop sobbing while begging sascha to give him a second chance, but he didnt.

he craves romance and sex so much that it would crush him and anyone hes with. hes so overbearing when it actually comes down to it/when hes not being totally distant.

he keeps several journals and notebooks for all of his thoughts and ideas. he then types them all out onto his blogs. sometimes he will print and cut out pictures of dylan and eric to put in his journal and he’ll rant about how cute they were and how much he misses them. its his coping mechanism.

hes into fandom spaces in general and sometimes he likes to do very basic cosplays and draw fanart.

on the note of drawing, he likes to draw his crushes as well. anytime he has a crush or partner thats all he will draw

sometimes his grandparents go out of town (more often then not) so he frequently has the house to himself. when he does he will typically wear his “wrath” tshirt and will blast kmfdm and other bands they enjoyed all while still studying and doing his nerdy things. he definitely wears that shirt to sleep too and holds onto a “natural selection” tshirt while he does.

he doesnt like drugs or alcohol or smoking, but on occasion he will indulge in cigarettes and vodka for the obvious reasons.

hes incredibly autistic if that wasnt clear yet.

he keeps razor blades, bandaids, and money in the back of his phonecase.

his ex boyfriend, sascha, made him earrings of dylans cross and he constantly wears them even though theyve broken up now. its just another thing for him to hold onto.

he works at a local used record/cd store and hes always breaking the rules and saving the cds and cool things that they get in.

he likes to bake and he uses that as his love language, although he doesnt have anyone to give it to so he typically eats what he makes anyway.

overall, his only coping mechanisms are cutting, eating his own baked goods, and blogging about school shooters.

he changed his name to dylan so that he would be more like dylan klebold. its his life mission to be like him.

he has a scent kink and loves the smell of sweat and cigarettes, but he would pretend he thinks its gross.

he pretends like he doesnt care in general, but he gets extremely hurt and upset easily. sometimes it all just spills out and he has a breakdown, but otherwise it seems like he has nothing else going on.

he has his drivers license and drives an old, red van that sort of looks like this. he keeps all of his tcc related things in there (clothes, books, etc) because he doesnt want his grandparents to find it too like his parents.

he uses an old busted up laptop that his littered with stickers and can barely run, but it works for his blogging needs. like this, but way more fucked up

he carries around an old backpack thats dirty and ripped up with plenty of pins and patches on it. kind of like this.

[srbachchan]

DAY 5826

Jalsa, Mumbai Jan 30/31, 2024 Wed 12:04 am

Birthday - EF - Valentina Ivanovna/Ef Sourav Banerjee/ Ef Madhumita Gupta,Birthday Wednesday, 31 January .. all good wishes for this special day .. from the Ef ..❤️🌹

.. and the ever present social media lingers about .. once started it remains page after page after page .. making the World an 8 billion inhabitant journalist question markers .. and around 4 billion camera operators ..

the scarcity of information was never more acute than now ..

😂

Social media, once heralded as a tool for connectivity, has devolved into a breeding ground for societal evils. Its addictive algorithms manipulate users, fostering a culture of comparison and low self-esteem. Cyberbullying thrives in the anonymous shadows, leading to mental health crises. Privacy erosion becomes the collateral damage as personal data is exploited for profit. The incessant barrage of curated content perpetuates misinformation, polarizing societies and undermining critical thinking. The pursuit of online validation eclipses genuine human connections, contributing to loneliness and disconnection. Social media's insidious influence seeps into every facet of life, corroding empathy and amplifying the darker aspects of human behavior.

Social media, despite its drawbacks, offers a myriad of benefits. It facilitates instant global communication, connecting people across distances and fostering a sense of community. Platforms serve as catalysts for social movements, enabling collective activism and awareness. Businesses leverage social media for marketing, reaching diverse audiences efficiently. Educational opportunities flourish through online courses and collaborative platforms. Social media becomes a tool for self-expression, giving marginalized voices a platform. It serves as a vast information hub, promoting knowledge-sharing and global awareness. Ultimately, social media, when used judiciously, can be a force for positive change, empowerment, and enlightenment.

the opinions from the informed .. above 👆🏼

sensible and within the limits of ts express .. for every opinion in the Universe of the DAY , is ever pronounced by the question mark of the question ..

Is it ..?

Will it ..?

How ..?

what will be .. ?

can it be .. ?

the question is .. ?

good night .. without any question mark ..

Amitabh Bachchan

[freebooter4ever]

this has killed my self esteem completely, i feel so ugly just all the time. but at the same time its freeing because the pressure to perform a level of appearance for others is utterly gone. i just do not give a fuck what i look like anymore. i will go out looking ugly. i havent plucked my facial hair in over a week. my hair is unbrushed 90% of the day. i didnt shower for four days while the heart monitor was on just in case the water would damage the expensive equipment. so instead i wore a lot of deodorant and braided my hair. and i didnt care.

by the way the amount of salt PO*TS patients have to consume to actually feel better???? insane. so. much. salt. but i do feel better.

[droumack]

i love love love ur most recent fic. if you do decide to continue (which no pressure ofc) I predict there’ll be some angst bc nates still young & douchey & since they have to keep their relationship private he might just make Jo feel like a hookup. jo also gets self conscious bc he feels like Nate’s using him to understand his sexuality & since he’s the projected top draft pick “hot girls” keep throwing themselves at nate (ofc no ones more beautiful than Jo).

also I noticed in the fic nate said he wanted to “fuck” jo, not rlly be in a relationship & he didn’t express too many feelings. ofc emotionally stunted pre sports psychologist nate probs wouldn’t have been great at expressing feelings but I wonder if you left that a little vague on purpose…

also I notice a lot of players will have girlfriends at the draft (& then will break up just a few months later). but maybe nate feels pressured to have a girlfriend as the draft comes up which only hurts Jo more. thinking of sweet baby nerd Jo being heartbroken actually makes me want to cry I never want to see him hurt ever hes too precious.

a heartbroken jo who already struggles with anxiety & his self esteem with an emotionally stunted nate whose still dealing with his anger results in a fight where Nate says some things he regrets & they break it off. also the part where nate gets a hat trick when jo comes to the game vs no points when Jo isn’t there so maybe jo feels like nate never even liked him & was just using him as one of his strange hockey superstitions. that combined with his low self esteem & internalized homophobia I just… (I’m not very articulate thus why I don’t write but yk, Jo’s not doing well).

maybe right after Jo’s distraught but he eventually takes the time to heal & Nate is “fine” at first but then after the high of the draft & immediately starting in the nhl as a rookie he rlly starts to process the break up & realizes he was in love with jo & misses him BAD. maybe he to stalk Jo on instagram & he’s now in his freshman yr at college & he’s had a bit of a “glow up” (still adorable nerd Jo but yk) & there are tagged pictures of him with other guys who are pretty touchy and look VERY interested. ofc pre sports psychologist angry Nate spirals a bit & has to hold himself back from flying to Jo’s college town & murdering any guy who looks at him.

nate & jo do end up together again but only AFTER jo makes nate work for it for a long time. also jo’s still navigating his low self worth when Nate first tries to get back with him & there’s a break Nate’s heart when he says something like “every time I look at you I feel worthless.”

also I do love the idea of Nate helping jo pay tuition (esp bc he wants to go to college in the US & as a senior in college rn ts is so expensive😭). maybe he does it secretly. like jo is on one of those “special” scholarships (like the fancy ones with a name for students who most exemplify certain qualities, idk im just on financial aid) but then an anonymous donor has added like $10k more for the next 5 yrs. Also 5 yrs so the school doesn’t get suspicious ab why this donation is only for Jos years there.

ok wait I just realized how much I wrote and you ABSOLUTELY DO NOT have to write this I promise this isn’t like a request ur recent fic just inspired me so much. sorry if this all nonsensical I’m not the best writer😭 you can literally just leave this in ur inbox I totally get it but love you bruinss!! can’t way for ur next fic or even just ur next tumblr post I love when u update even if it’s just a reblog!!

OH WOW HELLO ANON thank you for this gorgeous wall of text, I love all your thoughts

while this would be fun, this is not the direction I have my high school fic going in!

that said I highly encourage to you write your own natejo high school fic because i would devour a plot based on the above

[justwinginglife]

Not a request!! 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

Okay what should I call you? Wing?

But I really wanted to share something..

Like I wanna feed my delusions after having a brainrot of this anime called Windbreaker because I gotta sip a Soshiro content or two before I continue dealing with people and all but yes I have said enough.

HAHAHAHAHA BUT LIKE... A TS SONG. EY

The Alchemy is so on hit when Olympics is a hype but what about applying that song to Soshiro?

Cheers chanted, cause they said There was no chance, trying to be The greatest in the league Where's the trophy? He just comes running over to me Touch down Call the amateurs and Cut 'em from the team Ditch the clowns, get the crown Baby I'm the one to beat

Like what ifff Soshiro finally promoted as a Vice-Captain while y/n or reader or you, is like been supporting him in his cadet and officer years. He's been training with others and himself to the bone, working hard just to meet the expectations of Mina. Like we know that's his lifeline and he's working and working and working. Of course there will be some breakdowns and self doubts but like you're there and cheering him in your ways. When his suit finally hits to 90%+ of unleashed combat thingy, he didn't know that at first. Maybe he's too focused on fighting? Like what he did with his number 10 and hitting 100. Even he got told that he did, there could be a voice inside of him telling that he's satisfied with his Platoon Leader role as long as he can serve Mina. Soshiro knows that he's a candidate for Vice-Captain but self-doubt here and self-doubt there. There are a lot of Platoon Leaders and capable of having that Vice-Captain role so like he's "Ih I don't know about that..." But when Mina marched her way to him and announced that he's going to be Vice-Captain, he's just waiting for the captain to finish telling what he's going to do, announcing his feats and that. When she did, Soshiro just instantly running towards you and hugged you. Like a typical kdrama romance thing or smth, he spun you around and whispering sweet murmurs of thank yous while you're there, confused. You've been supporting him despite those criticisms or with his up and down self-esteem either you know his struggles or not completely and it's like he's running towards to his wife giddy and telling her that he got promoted and stuff.

"I'm a Vice-Captain now.", "Oh wow holly sh' you deserve that." Like dang we don't need our spouses to become an athlete or sort to have this "These chemicals hit me like white wine" moments. Our bae have goals to achieve and instead of "This happens once every few lifetimes", there's a lot to come when it comes to Soshiro. What if your strict parents finally give her blessings to him? Ey? Ey.🤺🤺 I mean— Honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?

Hope you have a good day luvie!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻

Omg hello again bestie! I go by Hannah. Also, I always love hearing your thoughts! This was a very sweet interpretation of the song, which btw is one of my fav songs on the TTPD album, I totally have The Alchemy stuck in my head now that we're talking about it! LOL. And I love the idea of Soshiro just running up to us any time he has an achievement, like it's the first thing he does, and it's so adorable. I want to shower him with love so bad, I wanna tell him he's enough, I wanna tell him I'm proud of him and he did good. Like my baby needs to hear that, he needs to know he's done enough, he's done his best. Sweet baby Soshiro, I love you. Thank you for blessing me with your thoughts.

[lily-janus]

Someone Like You - Chapter 3

Chapter 1 | chapter 2 | next

Summary: Janus and Roman tour different places to see if they're good for their film. And it goes great in case you were wondering...

Pairing: pre-romantic roceit

Warnings: disability, jealousy, painful past, food mentions, low self esteem and self depricating thoughts. Be sure to let me know if there's anything I missed.

Word count: 1,712

Hello everyone! It's that time of the week again! This chapter's first half is still by the incredible @prince-rowan-of-the-forest ! And the other half is finally by me! My part will be in purple text so you'll know when it starts and from that point on all the chapters will be my own writing! Thanks again for anyone who reads this and for @prince-rowan-of-the-forest for letting me adopt this wonderful fic^^

Sorry for the long intro, hope you enjoy!

His father had been ecstatic when he found out that Janus was meeting someone outside of school. He knew that his dad worried a lot about Janus’ lack of friends in school and he had tried at first. It had been better when he had Virgil and after he had been ditched he’d tried to keep Virgil’s absence a secret from his dad. He’d started saying that Virgil was too busy to come over or that they had still been hanging out in school but eventually his dad had figured out what had happened. The man wasn’t stupid, after all.

So when Janus asked for a lift to the coffee shop the man had been incredibly excited. He had needed to sit through the ten minute drive being fired question after question. Which was- annoying, but tolerable.

“Have fun!” His dad called as he climbed out of the passenger seat, “Don’t stay out too late-”

“I’ll totally be staying out here for eleven hours-” Janus said, rolling his eyes, they had agreed to meet at 11am. It’s not like Janus would be staying out all night.

“Text me when you want to be picked up,” His dad said, ignoring him, “Oh! And take this, buy yourself a slice of cake or something,”

His dad stuck his hand out of the car window and Janus shook his head, taking the 20$ bill.

“Goodbye,” Janus said, already backing away from the car.

“Remember to call me if you need anything!” He called even as he started to drive away at a snail’s pace, “My phone’s on if you need me, don’t be mean to your new friend! Have fun!!"

Janus just sighed as his dad pulled away, still waving out of the window. He loved his dad- he really did- but the guy could really be over the top sometimes.

Shaking his head to move his thoughts along, Janus straightened his capelet- what? if he got stared at anyway he may as well dress however he wanted, and if that was like a 19th-century noble, then so be it- and sighed before making his way into the coffee shop.

He had arrived about half an hour earlier than the time he and Roman had agreed upon so he wouldn’t have to worry about locating Roman in the slightly crowded shop. Instead he was able to pick a table closer to the back and sit down, resting his cane against the chair and picking up the paper menu tucked into a plastic holder that also displayed their table number- 17.

Whilst he waited Janus ordered a coffee using the bank card his father seemed to have forgotten that he had again. He’d probably keep the twenty anyway, his dad wouldn’t mind.

Roman arrived with all of his noise and grandeur forty minutes later. He had made Janus jump when he slammed his bag onto the table and stopped a minute to catch his breath before placing it on the floor and sitting down.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” Roman apologised, shaking his head, “I just- ran all the way here, were you waiting long?”

“Not long,” Janus lied.

“You look- fancy,” Roman commented, looking over his outfit.

“You’re not exactly looking societally appropriate either,” Janus pointed out, it was true, Roman was wearing much more makeup than he usually wore in school, thick wings of eyeliner set off by sparkly gold eyeshadow that beautifully set off his green eyes, he wore dangly earrings and an open dress coat, under which he could see a loose shirt and a corset, paired eloquently with a skirt that reaches his shins So yeah, Janus wasn’t exactly the most extravagantly dressed person here, “You do know that we’re not attending a fantasy ball today, don’t you?”

“And you’re aware that you’re not the evil king’s sorcerer sent to the ball to seduce and kidnap the most handsome Prince?” Roman quipped back, leaning forward and raising an eyebrow. Was Roman… flirting with him? Is that what this was? But wasn’t he dating Virgil, or was this just part of the trick? this didn’t make any sense.

“Well obviously I wouldn’t be there for you, then,” Janus said instead of what he had really been thinking before mentally kicking himself for not coming up with something better when he saw Roman’s crestfallen expression, he hadn’t meant to hurt him. What the hell was he supposed to say now?

Fortunately Roman simply shook his head and smiled again, “Mind if I grab a coffee? Then we can go over what I have planned for today!”

“I don’t control you,” Janus shrugged, “Get whatever you want,”

“Uh- thanks? I think,” Roman said, looking momentarily confused before shaking his head again and taking the menu that Janus had left on the table. He looked at it for a moment before scrunching up his face in a way that Janus was pretty sure meant he was considering something.

“Hey, Janus?” Roman said, looking up at him, he raised an eyebrow, “Opinion on red velvet cake?”

“Oh, I hate it,” Janus said immediately, before panicking slightly, “Totally the worst cake flavour out there, I would just hate to be given a slice,”

He really hoped Roman would pick up on the sarcastic tone he had added to the second statement to amend the instinctual lie. From the way Roman barked out a laugh he guessed it had worked. Why the hell did Roman want to know his opinion on cake flavours anyway?

Roman went up to the bar to order because he just had to be extra like that, when he returned five minutes later he was carrying a tray that held two plates and a glass of the most obnoxious iced coffee Janus had ever seen, and he didn't even know coffee could be obnoxious.

"Why did you get two?" Janus asked, looking at the two slices of red velvet cake on the tray. Roman smiled at him.

"Didn't you say "Oh I would just hate to be given a slice by the best, most handsome group project partner ever?" Just now?" Roman asked, putting so much drama into the impersonation as he pushed one of the plates towards him, Janus stared.

"I don't talk like that," Janus said, "That was a terrible impression of me, but…. Thanks, I guess, as offensive as that was… "

"You're welcome!" Roman cheered, completely ignoring the rest of his statement as he dug into his cake, Janus just rolled his eyes and ate his own slice in silence.

About half an hour later the pair had left the coffee shop to embark on a route that Roman had up on his phone. Their first destination was the local church which was only a short walk. All the way there Roman kept up a stream of chatter. He didn't feel the need to stop talking unless Janus actually interjected, which was nicer than him needing to provide a back and forth.

Janus thought he might actually struggle to keep up with Roman's somewhat quick pace if he had to talk at the same time. When they finally arrived at the doors to the church, Janus had to lean on his cane in hopes to catch his breath without Roman noticing his struggles. He didn’t need pity from the guy, absolutely not, especially since- for some reason- Roman seemed to actually be respecting his existence as a human being at the moment.

“Alright,” Roman said, placing a hand on the large church doors,, “Hopefully there isn’t a service on right now or this’ll be really embarrassing,”

There wasn't, at the moment, much to Roman's clear relief. And they both walked inside. They stayed silent to respect the few people who were praying there as they checked the place out to see if it fits their intended film.

As Janus walked around the church he couldn't help the occasional glance to Roman's direction. The guy had a passionate gleam in his eyes as he looked around, smiling slightly and nodding to himself. Janus did not find it cute, definitely not. Not like it would matter if he did anyway..

They suddenly locked eyes and Roman gestured for them to go talk outside.

"So what do you think?" Roman asked as soon as they stepped outside.

"I don't know about you but I already have so many ideas about a bunch of scenes and…" Roman began rambling on about his ideas, smiling and gesturing with his hands to emphasize his words.

Janus tried to follow but ultimately ended up spacing out, only responding with the occasional nod.

"...What about you?"

Janus suddenly realized Roman was looking at him expectantly. He shrugged, "sounds like you have enough ideas for the two of us…" he sneered, "...and the entire class too." He added.

Roman bit his lip, "right… sorry, Virgil always tells me how annoying I get when I'm overexcited but… I wanna hear your thoughts too… please?"

At the mention of his ex-friend, Janus stiffened. Not like he forgot the two were dating, his mean mind wouldn't let him if he wanted to, but hearing Roman casually mention him was like a punch to his gut.

"...let's just check out the next place.." he tried hard to not let his voice shake as he swallowed the lump in his throat, grabbed his cane a little too tightly, and started walking.

"Janus?" Roman easily caught up to him, with his long, healthy legs. "You okay?"

"Fine." Janus gritted out, trying to pick up his pace and put Roman's annoyingly worried face behind him. Which obviously didn't work.

"You don't seem fine-"

"And what do you know?" Janus snapped, stopping in place and glaring at Roman, "you don't know anything.."

Roman looked down and started playing with his fingers awkwardly, "I know… I want to though, I want to know you." He looked up and hesitantly met Janus' eyes.

Janus looked away, "no, you don't, nobody does. So let's just get this project over with and never speak to each other again."

Roman must have sensed Janus wasn't going to change his mind anytime soon and just sighed, "if that's what you want…"

Want… yep, that's definitely what he wants, one hundred percent, no hesitation.

…isn't it?

[tstwitterupdates]

TS tweet april 20, 2023 :

Tbh being in front of the camera is hard right now. This condition has really taken its toll on my self esteem. I'm trying to keep my head up and not stress (cause of course stress makes it worse), but I've been in a pretty low place. Please have patience with me.

[michaelofnebadon]

Salvington School students…

One aspect of my mission is to restore the Planetary Prince School which had begun the  organizing and administering of this inhabited sphere.

The success of the School which guides the evolutionary emergence of all creatures and the civilization greatly facilitates the subsequent missions of the Material Sons and Daughters, who come to engraft the higher forms of creature life on the primitive men of the worlds.

Their rule also does much to prepare the planets for the Paradise Sons of God, who subsequently come to judge the worlds and to inaugurate successive dispensations.

Thine faith shall grow and expand and mature until it establishes a divine dominance .. so real and all-encompassing shall this faith in you expand and grow throughout all thine field of personality expression that it absolutely sweeps away all intellectual adversity, any spiritual doubts and hesitations, and effectively destroys every conflicting desire and opposition.

Nothing is able to tear one of sincere faith away from the spiritual anchorage of this fervent, sublime, and undaunted faith.

Practice the Six heavenly Ts of Character Righteousness and Personhood Dignity within the ministry of the Universe Adjutants...and the Adjutant of Courage.

Truthfulness

Temerity

Tenderness

Tenacity

Transparency

Trustfulness

The Third Adjutant of Courage...

The spirit of courage—the fidelity endowment—in personal beings, the basis of character acquirement and the intellectual root of moral stamina and spiritual bravery.

When enlightened by facts and inspired by truth, this becomes the secret of the urge of evolutionary ascension by the channels of intelligent and conscientious self-direction.

All self-esteem shall grow with these Ts of Courage.

All worthiness shall mature with these T's of Character Dignity.

Ye shall refine thine authorship unto heightening faculties and empowering rights inalienable.

Practice the T's each day while becoming aware of those opportunities to express the T's in your self-relationship and relationship with others.

You shall be shaping all character habits and tendencies upwards; elevating the inner urges to discriminate appropriately, to discern positively, to decide with bravery, to grow boldness and courage in thine selfhood in accordance with the Trinity of Paradise.

Christ Michael Of Nebadon

Proclamations of God's Everlasting Glory