#self diagnosed yap session

[gaypastabake]

Overambition

Ok I kinda need to confess something that might dissapoint a few people

I dont think I want to finish the werewolf fanfic or Lemon Sorbet in its current state, I gave fic writing a try and I dont think I enjoy it as much as I keep pretending, its like im forcing myself to complete an assignment on top of stuff I already have to do.

I struggle allot with overambition without any motivation to finish things, especially when its something im not enjoying in the first place. I struggle to draw short comics but at least I enjoy drawing, I set myself out to write Lemon Sorbet because I felt I needed to explain my oc Popsicle and her relationship with Edge when Im more mentally cut out to just info dump about them. same with the werewolf fic, I think im just going to leave it as an open AU rather than an actual written fic.

I am here to post art whenever I feel like it, I shouldnt have to feel like I'm owe-ing an audience something like I ended up when I dragged myself into fic writing. I have lots of real world stuff to do and I like treating art-posting as a little outlet whenever I feel comfortable.

Yap session over, im going to go quiet for a while to get essays done and play Ark.

[rubber-glovs]

I'm starting to wonder if I'm actually neurotypical or neurodivergent

[eterosis]

Hello! I’ve been making a game and wanted to make a character with npd to mix up the character dynamics. The thing is, as you probably know, npd is so stigmatized, which means it’s literally impossible for me to research. So, if possible, I would like to hear some of your experiences with npd (how it makes you think and behave, that type of thing). If you don’t want to answer, feel free to ignore this.

This ask made me so happy, of course I'll help you, but keep in mind that I'm not an expert on npd and it's possible for me to accidentally talk bs, so please try to do your own research !!

I don't really know where to start since your request on 'hearing some of my experiences with npd' is a bit vague. As you probably know, narcissistic personality disorder is a personality disorder (duh) characterized by reduced empathy (not all narcissists have zero empathy, I, for example, have empathy, but it's very low and usually I feel empathy only towards those who are dear to me), need for admiration/attention and an exaggerated sense of self-importance. You can't be diagnosed with it if you are a teenager (unless the symptoms are very visible and extreme, I know a person that was diagnosed with a pd as a teen but the psychiatrist didn't specify which disorder she had because of her age) 'cause you can't be diagnosed with a personality disorder if your personality isn't fully developed. From what I know, npd is caused by trauma.

Yeah, so those were things that I learnt about npd from the internet before I discovered that I possibly have npd. Now onto my experiences, I guess.

One of things I struggle with the most as a narcissist is jealousy. I hate seeing other people succeed. I rarely follow big accounts or artists because I think that they don't deserve it and I should be in their place. I'm a unique individual that deserves to be known and admired, unlike them. I sometimes insult them in my head to make myself feel better. Or even write the insults down on a paper. It doesn't really make me feel relieved or anything. My jealousy issues are so bad I want to throw up when I see people have more followers or views on their posts than me. Jealousy is eating me alive.

I also very, very, VERY often fantasize about being famous and looked up to. I think about making a cool thing and the next second I think about how known it'll make me. But then I get frustrated that I'm not already famous.

I need constant attention and compliments. I can get really sad when if my post doesn't get likes and reblogs immediately after posting, or if my friends don't talk me for an hour or more. I tried to find a definition of 'narcissistic supply' so you could understand me more (I know what narc supply is but I can't explain it well) but of course that when I searched it up all I got was articles on how to defeat a narcissist. Sigh

There are two versions that I have of myself. The first one is my true self which is um. I don't want to look at that thing. The second one is something that needs praise to keep itself alive. A fake self that I see as perfect and flawless. But if I mess something up or get insulted it all just crumbles apart and I feel pathetic and worthless and sigh😔

Yeah so those are some of my experiences as a narcissistic person. I apologize that it's so short, I am just too exhausted to put in effort. Again, keep in mind that I'm not an expert and it's possible for me to accidentally spread misinformation. Also, I AM NOT A MODEL NARCISSIST !! People experience NPD differently. I'd recommend asking other narcissists to share their experience with you. And, if possible, talk with professionalists or people who have a lot of knowledge on npd. + Try to choose people who can actually write things down neatly. It's hard for me to express things through words and I suck at explaining. English is not my first language so it makes everything even harder. I hope you'll understand.

I hope my yap session was helpful. I'd love to see your game when you finish it !!

[rebdophilia]

friggin intro post -_-

umm hi my name is finnley, you can call me skippy, reb, ess, or whatever the fuck idk. im 14, tmasc agender and bi 🤫🤫 this blog used to be a hazbin hotel blog back in like march and my home feed is still impacted by it D-;

non-tcc blog is @gerardgaywastaken

i seperate my emotions into different personalities both to cope and for comic effect, yes i have DID yes i also do this #multitasking

^^ no fudanshi reb and 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 reb arent different people think sanders sides or something except im just playing characters based on different emotions 😇

profiction 👅 i do NOT condone school shootings or any wacky ship tropes i like in real life!!! let me live!!!!!!

i like homestuck, dandysworld, zero day, and tcc mainly (but ill post about zeroday and tcc most of the time)

ummm i have audhd, anxiety, & depression (diagnosed) and im questioning ocd, did, cptsd, bpd and hpd. before ur like "umm ew haha ur woke and self dx urself with disorders to fit in 😂😂" 1. shut up 2. thats not how it works im afraid (even though there are people out there like that, i am not one of them), and 3. i have problems yah so leave me alone yah get off mah profile yah -_- /j

my fav tc case is columbine (basic i know) so if you want please do send stuff about it in my askbox i heart my two favorite shooter boys

I LOVE RESPONDING TO ASKS!!! i promise i dont bite (+ my askbox is always open. feel free to request art too i dont mind)

shoutout to my gf angel!!! no idea if she has tumblr but SHOUTOUT ANYWAYS

(edited 01.05.25) I LOVE MUSIC. if you fw msi, mcr, ptv, fall out boy, p!atd, get scared, brokencyde, millionaires, ayesha erotica, tally hall, NEET, cricket!, lemon demon, cavetown (shut up), the flat stanleys, mccafferty, the front bottoms, heelflip, sematary, destroy boys, dazey and the scouts, broadway homestuck, or mommy long legs i love you and we're mutuals now kiss kiss ❤❤❤

no dni if youre chill with me im chill with you :-3

tags;

reb talks - yap sessions/opinions

finnley asks - responding to asks!

reb talks (vent edition) - when shit gets too tough so i dump it all onto a tumblr blog hoping people see it and relate

fudanshi reb 👅 - mlm ships galore i love gay sex

𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 reb hours 😇 - personal goon stash / hornyposting

[xavier-likes-catz]

I'm new on Tumblr, so here is a small yap session/get to know me because im looking for some friends :)

Hi, I'm Xavier, but i also go by Lucifer (inside joke with my irl friends). My pronouns are He/him but i also sometimes use they/them. I'm a huge yapper and have slight brainrot lol! My current biggest interests are Chappell Roan, and strangely, Edgar Allan Poe (the real one, not the Bungo one!) . Since I'm only new to tumblr, I'm not too sure about all the unspoken rules. I can speak Slovak (native) and English (learned through youtube because i grew up with unsupervised internet access XD) i am self diagnosed autistic (i can't actually get tested because my parents deny there being something'wrong' but whatever), and my tumblr is probably just gonna be me trying to get all my silliness out :p

My fandoms+ small yap session for each!

Scott Pilgrim:

I read all the comics, watched the movie, the anime, and am failing to get through the first level of the videogame! My favourite character is kim pine :3 i also kinda kin Young Niel!!

Kunitsu Gami path of the goddess:

my cousin and I started this fandom. There's no edits, no animations, no content other than game reviews if I'm correct. If you like this game PLEASE reach out!!! This game is so beautiful please go play it it's on gamepass xbox

The Queen's Gambit:

Another small one, i think i have a weird way to get into small fandoms. This one has some people, but again, its mostly reviews.

Ride the cyclone, Heathers, Mean girls, SIX, be more chill, nerdy prudes must die:

Grouped these together since people in one of these fandoms have a HUGE chance of being in another lol. Not much yapping to be done here atm

Ddlc:

Doki doki literature club. This fandom is dead but whatever, still love the dokis!

The owl house:

Another dead fandom, so i desperately need friends who fw this

Dungeon Meshi:

A big obsession over this one. I need s2 NOW dont spoil manga readers pls

Car ride finished so im making pt 2 later

[gogoutori]

I'm really over giving 110% of myself for everyone and getting 5% in return.

Over a weekend worth of coffee and yapping with my mother and sister, it became clear that some of my own unrealized frustrations were born out of this. I give way too much for next to nothing back from anyone. I don't expect anything in return from being kind, but when faced with how much I go out of my way to lift up others and make things special for them- to my own physical and mental/emotional burnout- and how its never returned back to me, I finally realized the imbalance.

And ultimately that is my fault. I need to learn that if someone meets you with 5%, its okay to meet them back with 5%. Its not sustainable to keep going the way I am. Being in a flare since the beginning of December has made me really ration where I can spend my energy. I can be kind without going above and beyond.

Back in August I was (finally) diagnosed with adhd professionally after a 10+ year journey to help my mental health. (ugh I really need to get over the internal self-hate of being "just another adult bitch saying she has adhd" when its medically true) Apparently this behavior of over extending yourself for others to this extent is linked to adhd as well. I'm a bit skeptical about that, but me not even realizing it does make it seem more plausible rather than being a random "tori quirk". I was prescribed adhd meds asap after my appointment in august, and have been working on tapering off my others since then. But I haven't done a ton of work to learn about adhd behaviors outside of the understanding that I have it and it answers some questions. This year, I'm going to take some steps to actually read and learn about it more for my own life than learning about it for one of my nieces or nephews.

One of the first steps is understanding this behavior of "over giving" and stopping it. My knee jerk reaction really is to go above and beyond for even very casual acquaintances or peers. I've had my sister or mom call me out a time or two since our yap session in January automatically starting to go out of my way even while feeling like absolute shit. For my own health, I need to give less.

While I know this is a me problem to work on, it doesn't stop my petty (evil? lol) side from being salty. After having shown to you how much you give out and then seeing instances where you're then completely brushed aside or taken for granted is quite a sting. Seeing how being a team player or cheerleader for someone/something, then have it specifically reject you/brush you aside when others who have bitched about the same thing publicly get rewarded? I have to kubrick stare a bit.

Evil!Tori addendum; If I were to stoop to the same level, not only would I absolutely decimate because no-one truly has seen me unleash my full fury over something because I just don't do that, but I also don't want to do that. Spite is strong and I'd rather get much better and have people come crawling back asking after me to only then pass on them.

While this realization was frustrating, ultimately it was healthy. As my physical health declines, learning what burnout in other areas looks like will help me to learn what not to do and conserve my energy. This wont make me completely jaded. I still want to be kind and hype up people, but I need to do so within reason. I need to meet people at the same % they are willing to give. I need to recognize that is a lot less than I impulsively think I owe to be a kind person.

[hnnyoongs]

akai shuichi headcanons

shuichi wears a beanie all the time because he's self conscious about hir hairline .... and I mean who can blame him? id be too

shuichi saw gin when he was visiting Japan in the 10 years ago flashback and was like ooh long hair is cool AND it'll piss ka-san off flash forward 5 years later when shuichi infiltrates the BO and is like fUck cool long hair dude is a psycho

shuichi cut his hair off when he heard akemi was killed by gin he kinda went into the whole mental breakdown mode and was like fuck this shit because he started growing his hair out cuz of gin and also akemi really liked his long hair

shuichi used to be a band kid when he lived in England and wanted to pursue a career in music (much to the chagrin of Mary) but after tsutomu disappeared he was like fuck that and stopped playing until he entered the BO

shuichi has a really bad memory about things that dont have to do anything with his job kinda like BBC's Sherlock but not as bad

shuichi used to find dead bodies when he was a kid just like shinichi but it wasn't as often maybe like a dead body once a year or something

shuichi named himself dai because that's what Mary actually wanted to name him when she was giving birth she was screaming die die die and tsutomu wasn't there yet so she was like aight die sounds like the japanese name dai the only reason shuichi wasn't named that was that tsutomu burst in and was like FUCK NO

shuichi was picked on when training for the FBI since compared to 6 foot jock white men shuichi was a 5 foot 7 asian with long hair and dressed like a teenage girl who frequented Starbucks in the toxic environment of the FBI for anyone who doesnt fit the mold shuichi had it cut out for him

shuichi showed signs of multiple mental illnesses but they were all difficult to pin down so he was never diagnosed with anything since he refused to talk at the FBI mandated therapy sessions

shuichi's type is someone who is kind but could wield a gun

he used to dislike kids but being around them as okiya has made SOME kids special in his heart

before tsutomu's disspeareance he taught shuichi how to hunt with a shotgun

shuichi lived off of sports drinks and bars whenever he was single since he couldn't rely on take out due to it being unhealthy which wouldn't help his FBI styled life

shuichi taught akemi simple self defense techniques but refuses to teach her how to shoot a gun saying he didn't want her hands to get dirty

shuichi and shukichi blackmail each other for favors by using the "ill tell ka-san you did that one thing that you blamed dad for when we were kids if u dont help me out"

scotch once told him that bourbon's type was a white milf (in reference to Elena who was white and was a mother) so shuichi was scared as fuck when rei met Mary's adult self for the first time

shuichi hates being compared to his mother but the truth is they're the most similar and they both started mimicking tsutomu after his disappearance

the only thing shuichi knew how to cook before meeting yukiko was plain white rice as that was the only thing tsutomu was able to teach him

shuichi mimics an American accent while talking in America or talking in English unless he's talking to his family or he's mentally shook up and his British accent slips out

he thinks in British accented English as well (idc if the animanga shows him thinking in japanese it makes no sense that western raised people like Jodie and camel think in japanese) but he does use some japanese like ka-san and when he's trying to get deep into his okiya persona

he tries very hard to keep the polite speech patterns of okiya Subaru since as akai shuichi he's very .. rude

shuichi's sniper skills were so good the fbi was willing to overlook his disrespect of authority and his tendency to do everything by himself without consulting everyone

shuichi slips into a British accent around James if he's feeling really comfortable

he felt bad about using shiho since she was only a year older than masumi and she hadn't done anything wrong so he vowed to get her and akemi out of the BO

he had a plan to get akemi and shiho out by convincing the higher ups to grant them immunity if they testified but akemi's death derailed the entire thing

he hates to admit it but his family is the most important thing to him he may not contact them that often but he's going to such lengths to bring his father back because he cares for his family so much

shuichi didnt really know what he wanted to do with his life once he took down his father's pursuers but after akemi and scotch he decided that if he solved his father's disappearance first he'd hunt down the BO next tho once learning that Haneda Koji’s death had something to do with the BO he's back at the thing where he doesn't know what to do with his life without revenge

he promised shukichi that he'd be the one to solve shukichi's death if what happened to Haneda kohji also happens to shukichi

he isn't a fan of dates in amusement parks but if it makes his partner happy and smile he'll have fun

dating Jodie was a quiet thing most likely from an attachment maybe due to a bad case or a loss of a mutual friend depending on the agency they might have been legally allowed to date each other but it is usually looked down upon I dont think they went out together often probably spending time together at home ... doing stuff

he identifies as bisexual it was normal to him in childhood since both Mary and tsutomu talked about their past relationships to their children he never told anyone due to the fact it would affect his FBI status since it was illegal in America shukichi and Mary know he's bi but shuichi has no idea Mary knows

akemi and shuichi would take strolls in parks go shopping and go to cafes

he's very self conscious about his height and whenever he goes to Japan it makes him feel good about himself since he's relatively tall there

Mary was the one who drilled japanese into his head not tsutomu

the last time shuichi talked to Mary was when he called her up to tell her to take masumi and leave Japan for Britain after masumi cornered him and scotch him and Mary had a whole argument and after that they stopped talking to each other, not that they talked to each other much in the first place

shuichi learned jee kun do by watching training videos from vhs tapes/cds/YouTube depending on when you consider detco taking place I personally believe conan shrinks in 2018 meaning that tsutomu disappeared in 2001 and shuichi used a mixture of tapes and cds to learn

shuichi can read people really well but has a hard time manipulating people by being nice he can use people by being a jackass very well but trying to be a normal person is hard for him

Yukiko and yusaku remind shuichi of his parents before tsutomu disappeared but like more upbeat

shuichi dislikes full body hugs

akemi and shiho were both anime and romance drama fans so he knows random things about the shows and uses that info to connect with the DB and especially haibara

he considered himself British first and foremost but when asked about whether he considers himself white or asian he'll always go with asian

he started smoking soon after his father disappeared since his father used to smoke and he needed to cope but didn't wanna fall into drugs like cocaine

smoking is heavily looked down upon in America and is seen as unprofessional which helped shuichi go undercover a bunch due to him being a heavy smoker

akemi would make him stop smoking around her and shiho saying that second hand smoking was dangerous and that shuichi who was smoking constantly was going to get lung cancer but he would tell her that he just couldn't stop smoking he did stop smoking around shiho and akemi tho going outside to do it instead

as okiya it makes him go wild because he desperately needs to smoke to cope but okiya cant smoke it doesnt fit his image so he smokes a shit ton at night during his nightly drives

shuichi forced himself not to smoke during his time visiting Japan when he met masumi because he knew Mary would get even more upset with him

shuichi was terrible driving American styled cars and he got so upset that he perfected his drive-in techiuque over the years just to spite the instructor that said he was barely passing

he likes to go on late night drives and speed on the high way because he's a thrill seeking idiot

he has no social media but he created on as okiya Subaru to keep an eye on haibara's higo stan account

he takes offense to the idea that he's stalking haibara he's just p r o t e c t i n g her

he wants shiho to be happy more than anything so he's an avid coai shipper and is exhausted in Conan's obliviousness

shuichi didnt tell shukichi he wasn't actually dead shukichi just walked up to okiya Subaru one day and was like shuuichi-ni-san right? shuichi has long stopped questioning shukichi's weird ways of knowing shit he shouldn't know

shuichi is a sherlockian but he's not like shinichi or hakuba in that he does not hate BBC's Sherlock and actually enjoys it a bit

one upside to shuichi living in America is that he gets to hoard guns because he's obsessed with them he thinks they're really cool it's like conan with Sherlock he starts yapping his mouth of about them

bourbon once dangled a gun on in front of a sleeping shuichi cuz he didnt believe scotch when he said that rye was obsessed with guns and started saying incorrect shit about the type of gun he was holding and shuichi just shot up and started berating him

shuichi hates that chianti is a killer because she's the only person who's as much as a gun fanatic as he is

he tends to steal Jodie's car a lot

he likes fucking with peoples heads it's very fun to him to watch them get all worked up

shuichi hasn't mourned his father yet because he doesnt believe his father’s dead

deep down he blames his father for his mother going slightly bonkers

he didnt want masumi to be a detective at first but now hes proud of her

he drinks a lot as okiya Subaru since he cant smoke as much

he's willing to go to hell if it means he can rip gin from limp to limp

he really hates gin yall I dont think I can convey how much he hates gin