#seireitei bulletin

[bleach-smashorpass]

Congratulations to our Winner and runners-up!

And, in plain text, the rest of the Top 10!

4th: Aizen Sosuke (8-2)

5th: Chika Shihoin, Shuhei Hisagi (5-2)

7th: Ichigo Kurosaki, Urahara Kisuke (5-2)

9th: Tier Harribel (4-2), Grimmjow Jaegerjaques (6-2), Coyote Starrk (4-2), Retsu Unohana (5-2)

Now that the tournament has ended, I am sharing the full bracket for perusal, you can find it here. If you'd like to see the complete final standings, those can be viewed here. Doing this means I don't have to figure out how to format images because they would be Very Large. (The bracket does not include tie-break polls!)

Hosting these polls has been so much fun, thank you all for coming along this (very lengthy) journey. When originally setting this up, I figured it would come down to Rangiku and Renji, so while I'm not surprised, it was fun to watch how we got there — there was a minute where I thought we'd get a Rangiku vs Yoruichi final.

(I also want to give a special shoutout to the Grimmjow girlies, his polls consistently had some of the highest votes, with almost 3k votes on the poll with Byakuya. He didn't win simply because he doesn't live in the Seireitei.)

[recurring-polynya]

i think hisagi should wake up one day and choose violence (finally let byakuya have a column in the bulletin where he rates other people's bankai)

[irlkisukeurahara]

@v-a-l-e-n-jill-t-i-n-e

Shuuhei got wind of the rumors. It is over for Byakuya. There's no beating the homosexual allegations now!

[bleach-your-panties]

↬keep up with what's happening in squad 3三!

click here for general🖱

click here for kinktobercandyshop'23🍭

click here for 💔🖤mha bad boyfriends

[sentencedtodramaforlife]

I feel that Kensei's acts of affection in public is something like "aggressively shoving bento into Shūhei's arms so he wouldn't be hungry while working all day"

I wholeheartedly believe Kensei is really sweet and at least relatively affectionate guy, but definitely more "not in public" lol

That being said I don't think he's the best at being affectionate 😭

Unfortunate for Shuhei, because Shuhei seems really physically affectionate with all his friends. So he definitely enjoys that kinda thing from people. There's Kensei who's probably a more of an acts of service kinda guy

[gallusrostromegalus]

AEIWAM: Why is Ichigo in the Gotei-13 group chat? For that matter, what kind of unholy madness goes on in said group chat?

Ichigo is in the gotei-13 groupchat because he *is* actually a shinigami. A probationary, substitute shinigami, but still a shinigami and part of the gotei-13!

So along with his pager and badge/power limiter, Ichigo also got an invite to the Gotei-13 Groupchat, which being a reasonably technically savvy elder millennial, he immediately joined.

Shenanigans ensued:

- Everyone else in the Groupchat became aware that Ichigo was in the Groupchat when he @everyone'd in there at 2AM to ask something that weighs heavily on his mind:

Ichigo: AY YO WHICH ONE OF YOU IS MY MANAGER?

Rukia, replying in such a way that she also @'s everyone: ICHIGO IT IS TWO AM YOU ARE SETTING OFF EVERYONE'S PAGERS!!

Ichigo: YEAH I KNOW IT'S 2AM, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHO MY MANAGER IS, AND I NEED TO ASK THEM SOMETHING.

Ichigo: Is it Zaraki? He seems like he'd lose his pager and not text me.

Kenpachi: nah, if i was your boss you'd be at 11th div boot camp

Kenpachi: also, your boss should send you to 11th div boot camp

Ichigo: I can't go, it's a school night.

Shuuhei: @IKurosaki what's the serial number on your pager? You really should not have the admin privileges to be able to @ everyone like this.

Renji: @HShuuhei why are you awake?

Shuuhei: @ARenji In order for the seireitei bulletin to be distributed on everyone's doorstep by 5 am, the printing happens right now. Why are YOU awake?

Shuuhei: also @Zkenpachi: ANSWER YOUR GODDAMN INBOX

Renji: Rukia snores.

Rukia: OH MY GOD

Zaraki: how are you guys all yelling

Ichigo: It's #41266-36-423

Ichigo: FR tho, I still don't know who I'm supposed to be talking to.

Shuuhei: Huh. No idea who your boss is, but I think you may have gotten a Black-Black pager somehow. Weird.

Ichigo: What's a Black-Black pager?

Rukia: it's a class of pager that only fifth seat and higher-ranked officers are supposed to have AND THE THING IM GONNA SHOVE UP THE ASS OF YOUR MANAGER AS SOON AS I FIGURE OUT WHO THAT SONOFABITCH IS!!!

Iba: @KRukia ":Rule 12: No Slurs or other demographic insults in any official communication, including chat.:"

Rukia: WHAT SLUR?

Rukia: oh.

Rukia: My Apologies, @SKomamura Taicho. I will be more careful with my language in the future.

Ichigo: Dude don't @ someone if you insulted them on accident, just edit the comment.

Byakuya: @KRukia, since you were the one who discovered and vouched for Kurosaki, administratively, he is *your* responsibility.

Shuuhei: lol

Iba: LMAO

Renji: @KByakua congratulations, your sister is now crying on the bathroom floor.

Kenpachi: I FOUND THE YELLING BUTTON

Kenpachi: ALSO ICHIGO, WHAT WAS IT YOU WANTED TO ASK ANYWAY

Ichigo: oh yeah!

Ichigo: there's like 20 Menos Grande in downtown Karakura for some reason.

Renji: LEAD WITH THAT NEXT TIME

[alwwa]

pov: your photos have finally been published in Seireitei Bulletin, but the editor-in-chief is having a nervous breakdown now

[whitefoxfiction]

Okay! Headcanons (don't mind me being mildly tipsy lol)!

Who would build Lego with reader? Urahara? Kira? Hisagi?

Thanks for the request! This is my first time writing headcanons specifically in this format. This turned to be more like what would they do if they found you drinking and building with Legos. I included Ukitake and Grimmjow as a bonus. I hope you like it!

Reader has gotten their hands on both some quality booze and an interesting toy from the Wolrd of the Living. They have made the bold move to dump said Legos out, spread out the instructions, and attempt to build their new project while bordering on being drunk. How will their friend/ S.O. react??

SFW, Rated T for teen, allusions to smut, nothing actually explict, fluffy bits, drinking, swearing. gn!reader Kisuke Urahara, Shūhei HIsagi, Jūshirō Ukitake, Izuru Kira, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez

Kisuke Urahara

When Kisuke sees you all hunched over with your tongue poking out of your mouth in concentration, his first thought will be to wonder what the hell sort of contraption you are building at 11 pm. That becomes apparent within a matter of seconds as he silently watches you drink your booze from the bottle while you play with a children’s toy as he lurks in the doorway. With no one else there to see, the corners of his mouth will turn up into a little smile of genuine affection. He does briefly wonder why you have chosen his dining table for your drunken Lego building, however. Then, he decides it doesn’t matter.

Why doesn’t it matter? Because he knows you are drunk, oblivious to his presence, and the look of concentration on your face is too cute to ignore. And, how can he possibly resist the urge to scare the crap out of you like the troll he is? If your ‘drunk concentration face’ looks cute, then he’s sure that your flustered, ‘post-jump scare face’ will look downright sexy.

As the former head of the Onmitsukidō Detention Unit, it’s absolute child’s play for him to sneak up right behind you with you none the wiser, at least until he makes his presence known by leaning over your shoulder.

“Good evening, ______-ちゃん~!” He’ll give you The Grin. You know the one. It’s the grin that manages to be a perfect mix of a shit-eating smirk and a little smile of complete innocence. Your less inhibited state means it’s guaranteed to ruffle your feathers just as much as being startled does.

If he’s feeling generous, he might not even dodge the sloppy, startled swing you take at him. It’s not like you’ll really hurt him anyway, but he’ll hold his nose and pout about how mean you are to him before happily sitting down next to you on the tatami.

Kisuke will watch you struggle with the tiny pieces while looking over the directions. If it’s a set with moving parts, he’s already figured out 5 ways to improve the design without requiring a single extra piece before you realize he’s stolen the instructions. Then, he will commence pouring you more drinks and teasing you with “helpful advice” (while never actually helping) until you’re an irritated, plastered mess.

He’ll somehow still manage to charm you into abandoning your Lego project in favor of letting him carry you off to bed. His bed since you are obviously too drunk to go anywhere else.

This outcome is inevitable. He already had 20 contingincy plans to get you right where he wanted you before he even walked into the room.

Shūhei Hisagi

Shūhei‘s interest in your Lego building project will vary depending on what you are putting together. Star War Legos? Probably not. A giant Lego guitar or a Lego motorbike? Now you’ve caught his interest.

His interest in the quality of your alcohol, however, will be immediate, and he will be more than happy to partake as long as he is off duty (and it isn’t a deadline week for the Seireitei Bulletin).

If you’re just friends with Shūhei, he will likely hang out and happily drink your booze with you. (Don’t worry, he’ll return the favor, even though he’ll have to go into more debt with Urahara to get the good stuff.) This may or may not involve you being serenaded in some fashion before you both pass out.

If Shūhei is your s/o, he will not only drink your booze with you—and you probably invited him to, lets be honest—but he will also offer to help in some way or other. Perhaps it’s by holding what you’ve built still so it doesn’t run away from you when you try to snap on the next damnably tiny piece or by trying to decipher the instructions. Or, maybe he’ll just pour your drinks and offer to rub your shoulders while he watches you work.

He will certainly get up and make you both snacks. Shūhei is handy enough in the kitchen that whipping up a little something is no sweat, even if he’s already hammered. In fact, he’ll probably insist, bless his poor little cinnamon roll heart. (Think what you want about Matsumoto, but you can’t deny that she has the boy well-trained.)

As Shūhei‘s s/o you will definitely be getting serenaded once he’s good and toasted. The upside to being his s/o in this situation is that it is very easy to get him to stop without hurting his feelings. You just have to kiss him senseless and give him something else to occupy his hands.

And that is where your Lego building comes to a halt. If you haven’t finished the set by this point, that will be waiting until morning.

Jūshirō Ukitake

Jūshirō is always interested in whatever it is that you are doing. If he’s feeling well enough and not pressed with important deadlines, he will sit down beside you, tea in hand.

Of course, he’ll scold you a little when he realizes you are drunk, but it’s a very half-hearted sort of scolding. “______-chan! How much have you had to drink? It’s not good for you to drink so much, and all alone!” … “Shunsui came by earlier? Ah, well… I suppose that explains some things.” Under his breath, he will mutter something about having to “have a talk with Shunsui later.”

It doesn’t take much to distract him from his gentle lecture. You just have to smile at him sweetly, lean your head against his shoulder, and thank him for looking after you so well. He’ll clear his throat and take a drink of his tea to hide the color in his cheeks.

If you talk him through what you are trying to accomplish, Jūshirō’s inner child will come to the surface in no time. He’ll look over your shoulder at the directions, and if you haven’t done so already, he will offer to sort all the pieces by color for you.

Jūshirō gets this adorable, boyish grin on his face any time he has the good fortune to indugle in childish things, a grin that is often present when you buy him his favorite sweets. He will certainly enjoy his time with you, but if you have the bonsai tree legos, you should probably just focus on drinking because...

Jūshirō is going to steal your toy from you. He may or may not follow the instructions. “I’m sure they’ve printed this incorrectly. This branch should surely go here.” or “This would look so much better if we just trimmed it down by a couple of bricks. There! That’s lovely!” His bonsai pruning skills (or lack thereof) will be put to use. You just don’t have the heart to tell him no.

But, that’s ok because the best part of the whole experince is watching Jūshirō when he goes into ‘second childhood’ mode. It’s the cutest thing ever, and never fails to make your heart do little flips in your chest. The pleasantly warm and fuzzy feeling from the alcohol only adds to the attraction, and Jūshirō might well find you drapped over his shoulders like his Captain’s haori long before that Lego set is completely constructed.

This leads to more adorable blushing on Jūshirō’s part, which eventually leads to playtime that has nothing to do with Legos.

Izuru Kira

The serious and often gloomy Izuru doesn’t have much use for children’s toys from the World of the Living, but like his friend Hisagi-san, the alcohol will probably catch his attention, especially given what he has been dealing with the last few months.

If he isn’t on duty early the next morning and he’s not too covered up with paperwork, you can probably convince him to have a few rounds with you. If you have managed to gain his trust enough to be his s/o, then he will look back and forth between you, the bottle, you, the door, you…

If he has obligations the next day, he will feel guilty, but he will also trust you to understand and will try to excuse himself, promising to spend time with you as soon as he off duty, for dinner perhaps. “Ah, I’m so sorry ______-さん. Requisition reports are— Ah! _____, wh-what are you—?! W-wait! The door is wide o— Mmphf!!”

Izuru works far too hard, and you have no trouble taking it upon yourself to be sure that he doesn’t work himself into a bed at the 4th Division’s Coordinated Relief Station. It is criminally easy to get Izuru flustered, even without the aid of alcohol, so your drunken affections will have him ushering you back to whatever spot you’ve chosen for your building project in short order. Anything to get the door shut and make you stop trying to kiss him in plain view of the street.

Getting Izuru truly interested in the Legos might take some effort, but wheedling him into staying with you will be a fairly easy task. Suggesting that you will just have to drink the entire bottle so it doesn’t go to waste (which you might really do) should be enough to bring out his protective side. After all, he can’t have his s/o getting hurt because they got completely wasted and he left them unattended.

Izuru will tell himself that he’s only staying to make sure you don’t get yourself into any trouble since you are already too far gone to talk sense into. He’ll tell himself that, but let’s face it, if the saké is sitting in plain view, he’s gonna cave and have just one cup. Okay. Maaaybe two.

After his third or fourth cup, Izuru is sitting shoulder to shoulder with you helping you put together that Lego set. Izuru is, unfortunately, a bit of a lightweight compared to you when it comes to his alcohol tolerance, so he is almost as uncoordinated as you are by this point. It’s the perfect time to turn your current activity into a drinking game! Put a piece on wrong? Take a drink. Fail to get a piece taken on or off in three tries? Take a drink!

It turns out that Izuru is woefully bad at this game. He also gets over heated quite easily when he drinks. Somewhere between cups six and eight, he will start stripping out of his shihakushō. By the eight to ten cup mark, he is laid out on your floor in nothing but his fundoshi, his face flushed from the alcohol (and from your merciless teasing.) The Legos have been completely forgotten by this point.

You have hidden what’s left of the alcohol since you don’t want to end up holding his bangs back while he pukes (again.) You aren’t enough of a jerk to totally take advantage of Izuru when he’s this drunk. You’re even nice enough to help him stumble off to bed (your bed) for some drunken snuggles, and when he wakes up in morning with a horrible hangover, you’ll know just how to help him get rid of that awful headache.

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez

As you squint at the instructions trying to make the words hold still, you’ll be rudely interrupted by a voice from behind. “Oi! The fuck is that?”

He’ll huff at you, arms crossed over his chest as you grin up at him and give a rambling explanation of what Legos are and why you wanted them and how fun it is even though you were just swearing because you can’t pry apart two tiny pieces you put together by mistake.

“Wait a damn… why’re you drunk? No, I’m not helping you, not until you tell me where you got the booze!” He’ll growl and grumble and threaten a few people—“Kurosaki get those for you? No? Ha! It musta been pervy hat! Yeah, well I’ll take care of that bastard as soon as I take care of you” He’ll leer at you in a totally lascivious way—then totally deny that he’s jealous after you manage to tell him it was Nel that brought things back for you.

He’ll scoff about ’stupid human toys’ to shift the focus away from being called out on his jealousy and adamantly refuse to help you. “Heh. No fuckin’ way. I don’t build shit, I break it!” Eventually he’ll give in to to your cleverly calculated pouting, carefully prying apart your misplaced Lego bricks. He will also confiscate your booze “for your own good dammit.”

Grimmjow may or may not drink said booze, depending on what it is and how much is left, but one thing is certain; you’re damn sure not getting any more.

If he’s particularly bored, he will be an absolute ass about making sure you can’t concentrate on those Legos for shit. If he didn’t drink your booze, he will probably taunt you with the bottle at some point, until you are in a hopeless game of keep-away-way where Grimmjow’s objective is getting you so riled up that you try to climb him like a tree to reach the bottle. (If he did drink the booze, he’ll steal the directions instead.)

This never ends with you getting back whatever he is holding hostage. It usually ends with you tossed over his shoulder and carried off to bed… if you make it that far.

He thinks he’s won, but this was actually your plan all along.

[yuusishi]

. . . TOKINADA TSUNAYASHIRO RELATIONSHIP HCs !!

pairing : Tokinada Tsunayashiro x gn!reader

genre : hurt/comfort ???

cws/tws : CFYOW SPOILERS , Tokinada is a warning already , mentions of death and murder , toxic relationship ngl , suggestive content

a/n : I started reading the cfyow novels recently while waiting for tybw cour 4 and grgrrr I need this man between my teeth. Also I know bleach isn't my main content I JUST NEED TO GET THE BRAINWORMS OF THIS MAN OUT OF MY HEAD.

TOKINADA TSUNAYASHIRO !!

You have a very complicated relationship with him. He’s rarely ever committed to anything apart from his plan of replacing the Soul King and his own personal hedonistic tendencies, much less any kind of relationship.

But he does acknowledge that what he feels for you is some kind of love, his own twisted rendition of it.

The public and the rest of the aristocrats see you two as lovers however, often approaching you asking where Tokinada is (but rarely doing the opposite). This is due to Tokinada’s habit of showing you off, he isn’t like the other aristocrats in the district that flaunt their wealth with expensive jewelry or heirlooms. He couldn’t care less about what riches his family held. But you were something he felt he needed to flaunt, because he saw you as his and his only no matter the label or lack thereof, unlike jewelry and heirlooms that could be passed from owner to owner.

You're just glad that the Seireitei Bulletin didn't care much for the dramatics concerning the aristocrats.

You’ve shared kisses and intimate moments in the past, as irresponsible as it sounds with no clear relationship especially with one member from the Five Great Noble Clans. Neither of you could help it, yearning and craving for each other’s skin in the depths of the night. In the end both of you were still animals caving into your own primal desires, even more so with Tokinada.

His favorite places to kiss you was your collarbone and the edges of your lips. He would only take your lips in his once he felt ready enough to fully claim you as his, but those spots just felt as intimate as a kiss on the lips would feel like.

Although his reputation as a member of the Tsunayashiro family had already gone down the drain with the murder of his friend and wife by his hands, he still has some degree of shame within him (surprisingly). He won't be too affectionate in public, small touches here and there for you and the rest who saw to anticipate the next move and what will happen in your private quarters.

Despite all of this, do not think Tokinada is someone tender and loving beneath the face of the upcoming head of the Tsunayashiro family. He murdered the rest of his clan members just to attain that position and you won't make a difference in whether he'll do something similar in the future.

This man is still a sadist through and through and you just happen to be his favorite plaything if he didn't feel like giving into his own romantic needs. Instead, he'd have you work for it, make you show him just how much you needed his love. He's not someone who'd give in just by simple pleading gazes, use your mouth, you know how to use words right?

And throughout all this his signature sly smile and narrowed eyes stared down on your figure he singlehandedly reduced to someone begging for a sliver of his affection. You're different from all other Soul Reaper he's met before, but that doesn't mean you're exempt from his sadistic whims, that's a thing engraved in his very being and something you need to deal with should you want to fully pursue him.

But that's not something you were ever able to do, was it?

Despite the public thinking of you two as lovers, you only caught wind of Tokinada's death via two surviving attendants giving their condolences. Your heart hurt, no matter how much he had hurt you in the past just for his selfish entertainment.

And on the flipside, as Tokinada sat there barely upright against the fragile wooden door of a building, he thought of you as he bled out. Funny, he thought his last thoughts would be about Hikone and if someone would be worthy enough to inherit and give his plan another shot.

The other aristocratic families were too caught up in their own power and luxury to truly put in the effort he did to even start the operation to take over the Soul King's position. The Thirteen Court Guards would immediately seize anyone they discovered continuing his plans. There truly was no one else as insane as him for this plan.

So he supposes he can spare himself the shame and indulge for the first time in the what could've been of both of you. Maybe if he gave you a proper declaration of love fate might've changed. Would he have given you flowers? Taken the time to properly court you? Or would he end up divulging his complete plans to you and be forced to kill you just as he did with his family?

He would be lying if he said he was dying without a sliver of regrets, his only regret being not killing you. If he was not able to wreck havoc in this world with you, then the least he would want is to leave the world he viewed as disgusting together.

a/n : was a little nervy about posting this ngl since it's outside of what I regularly post on here but tbh writing a bit of toxic relationship dynamics and hints of angst felt soo refreshing since I constantly write fluff

[eros-fixx]

A copy of this month's Seireitei Bulletin is placed atop your desk.

You peruse it, noting some of the usuals. News, awards, special events. But it's a poem in the corner that catches your eye, one that is listed as an anonymous submission.

the summer's rays pierce a lone marigold withers waiting for one's touch

You smile. Folding up the paper, you greet the fellow members of your division, taking note of Captain Otoribashi with guitar in hand, strumming tunes while humming to a melody.

You approach your lieutenant, who sits before a daunting pile of paperwork—no doubt one that his Captain neglected to finish in his haste to make use of this moment of inspiration. He looks deep in thought, his brow furrowed as he peruses the words on the page.

"Lieutenant Kira." He near jumps at your use of his title, whirling around towards you. You notice he shoves a few papers to the side, as if hiding them from prying eyes. "Nice poem, by the way. In the paper."

"Oh, ah... That—that wasn’t me.”

You raise a brow.

"Really? It kind of reminds me of your style. A bit bold, if you ask me, but…”

His cheeks redden. “Right. Bold. I’m not—I’m usually not that forthright.” He shrugs noncommittally, angling his body to further cut off your view of his desk. It’s then that you catch a glimpse of a few crumpled pieces of papers scattered about.

He clears his throat. “Nonetheless I’m sure whoever it was is a fine poet.”

You hum thoughtfully. “Yeah, they are…. I'm also sure that whoever they wrote it for will find it quite romantic,” you say off-handedly.

He straightens up in his seat. "What do you—”

"Waiting for one's touch," you repeat. "I wonder why wait when the flower can just seize the moment?"

[bleach-smashorpass]

Why is Suzumebachi “the bee of heterosexuality”?

I'm glad you asked! It's because she tells Soi-Fon, a massive lesbian, to get a man.

[recurring-polynya]

If this hasn't been done, something about the newspaper and attempting to fill the "Tousen's Justice and Cooking" article slots?

This actually came up in my most recent Big Fanfic, Damage History. At the time I was writing it, I was actually very confused to find that it wasn't canon that Kensei took over Tousen's old column. Then, when I was working on this one, I figured out that it was from the issue of the Seireitei Bulletin @bleachbleachbleach made. I stole a bunch their other Bulletin Headcanons, too, but I did it with love.

Anyway, this ended up really long, so I decided it could be its own fanfic. It's a little rough around the edges, but it's my first time thinking/writing this much Squad 9, so it was a learning experience for me.

🔪 🍝 🔥

Kitchen Equivalents ( ao3 )

Summary: Squad 9 is still Kensei's squad. It's changed a little over the past century, but that's fine. He's good with change. He loves change.

~or~

Kensei takes over Tousen's old cooking column.

Starring: Kensei, Hisagi, Mashiro, and ft. Shinji, Rose, and for some reason, Renji (the reason is that I love him)

Rating: T, for cussing

Words: 7134

[precautionarypeapod]

It's so funny there's an old Shinji Side story in Bleach Brave Souls, the mobile game. And I'm sure they arent cannon but it made me laugh.

It was about Shuhei asking Shinji questions for an interview for the Seireitei Bulletin as he's going to be on the front cover. It starts off with a pretty basic photo shoot the continues into the interview:

69: "Can you tell me about your enlistment into the Gotei 13?"

Shinji: "That's hard for me to talk about, pass!"

69: "Can you tell me about what it was like between enlistment and becoming a captain?"

Shinji: "Ohhhhh. Too bad. There's not enough time for that, pass!"

69: "Um, do you intend on answering any of my questions?"

Shinji: "Huh?! You dragged me all the way out here and then talk to me like that?! Who the hell do you think I am?! I'm the fashionista of the Gotei 13! You should have plenty of other things to ask me about!"

69: "I came to interview the CAPTAIN of squad 5!"

Shinji: "Anyway, if I have to pass, I'm going to pass. If that's all you got for me, I'm leaving."

69: "Fine, how did you spend your time in the world of the living?"

Shinji: "Man these are some cruddy questions. Well, I... Oh yeah, I drank some boba."

69: "What is boba?"

Shinji: "You haven't heard of it? It's all the trend in the world of the living. They take the eggs of this fish called boba and put them inside these stylish drinks and you eat them while you drink."

69: "I've never heard of that before. So do you drink it or eat it?"

Shinji: "If you need a special feature you should do it on that. A lot of your readers have duties in the world of the living, so I bet it'd be a huge hit."

69: "Understood, we'll start researching the ecology of this so-called boba fish. Thank you captain Hirako! We'll send your photos for you to approve later." 69 leaves

Shinji: "Got it. Good luck! ........... Research the ecology? Did he really fall for that joke? At this rate, I'm going to be sharing the front cover with some strange fish. Hey, Shuhei! Time out for a sec! Time out!"

I loved it so much! He's such a goof and I love him. Just wanted to share.

[bleach-your-panties]

Sincember Event❄️❄️

Requested By: @sacredwarrior88

Rating: Fluff/Suggestive🍥🍭

“Shit, it's cold out here..”

You brought your scarf up to cover the lower half of your face while your feet sank deeper and deeper into the freezing, wet slosh beneath them.

Head-Captain Kyouraku is undoubtedly a slovenly bastard for this.

Having you, his faithful little third seat, to deliver his contribution to the weekly Seireitei bulletin to Captain Muguruma.

In the middle of a fucking snowstorm.

And on top of that, you take after your older brother Kenpachi - you're terrible with directions!

If you had actually taken the time to check the weather before you left, you'd have known that the snowfall was only going to increase further. The chances of a blizzard happening were above 90%.

“Dammit…I can’t see a thing out here. Who knows where I could be? I could be on the way to Sōkyoku Hill right now and not even know it! I-oof.”

You fell back onto your ass in the snow after colliding with a solid wall.

Wait, a wall? 

A soft grunt reached your ears before the sight of an orange-gloved hand coming towards you made you look up to see what you had run into.

Or better yet, who.

“You know, the polite thing to say when you run into someone is ‘’excuse me'.” Kensei’s gruff voice called out to you. 

The snow was still getting into your eyes even though you were wearing goggles, so you could only barely see his disgruntled expression as he waited for you to accept his hand.

“Sorry. Excuse me and thank you, Captain Muguruma.”

He grunted again, irritably.

“You can drop the formalities. Kensei is just fine. You're one of Shunsui’s brats aren't you?” 

Your mouth dropped open and a snowflake fell on your tongue. Wrapping your own gloved fingers around his, you used his body as leverage to pull yourself up.

“Brat?! I'm not a brat.” You huffed indignantly and crossed your arms. 

The corner of Kensei's mouth turned up.

“Sure you're not. That for me?”

His stony eyes trailed from your boobs that you'd managed to push up with your previous motion to the folder tucked underneath your arm, carefully tucked away from the cold torrent of frosty snow that was swirling all around you both, more fiercely now.

“That old man sent you out here in this shit just to give that to me? What a waste of space.” Kensei rolled his eyes and getured for you to hand it to him.

“O-oh! It’s no trouble, really! Here you go!” You handed the file over with no problem. 

“Well, my mission is done. I'll be going now, see ya Capt-whoah!” 

Kensei had tucked the folder under his own arm and simultaneously pulled you into his side.

“You working with half your brain or what? There's a fucking blizzard coming and I don't trust you to make it back to squad one barracks by yourself.”

“Hey! You calling me dumb?!” 

Your cheeks puffed out and you rolled your e/c eyes now.

He chuckled. “You said it, not me, sweetheart. Come on.”

—-

Just as Kensei said, the blizzard came in full-force.

After the two of you made it back to his place and he'd shut the door behind him, the snow began falling harder and faster.

It piled up against the front door, effectively sealing it shut and trapping the two of you inside.

“How unfortunate is that. We'll probably be stuck in here until the morning when the sun comes back out - if it even does!”

Kensei's heavy boots on the wooden floor behind you made you snap your head around to face him.

It was obviously too cold outside for shinigami robes, so instead he was dressed in a thick, gray sweater with a black puffer coat over it, black scarf, black cargo pants, and his orange gloves.

“You see something you like?” Suddenly a hot mouth was beside your ear, tickling the fine hairs inside of it as Kensei breathed his warm breath onto the side of your neck.

It was a welcome contrast to the striking cold chill that had been covering your body since you'd entered his home; with that simple gesture a fire lit inside your core and you subtly rubbed your thighs together.

With a smirk on his lips, Kensei backed up to give you some space before walking off to a fireplace that was positioned in a corner of the large living room and lighting it.

“Make yourself comfortable, sweetheart. You don't have to act shy.”

“Hmph, who’s acting…” You mumbled bashfully and began to take off your gloves and coat before joining him on a large chaise lounge situated in front of the fireplace.

Kensei had also taken off his coat and hung it on a rack close to the door. His strong arm muscles rippled beneath his sweater as he held you close to his chest.

“Captain Muguruma, is this…appropriate?” 

The man behind you only hummed softly and rested his cheek in your cold hair.  You felt your body shivering, prompting Kensei to lay you against his chest and cover you with his much larger body.

He laid on his side, becoming the big spoon and encasing your legs between his.

“You’re so cold, little one. Let me warm you up, yeah? It’s the least I could do for you, since you came all the way out here in a snowstorm to deliver your captain’s article to me.”

A soft smile grew on your lips and you nodded.

“Sure, Captain.”

Kensei’s smirk returned to his face and he shifted slightly so that your ass was pressed up against his pelvis. He was slowly hardening from the simple action of having you lie against him, the crackling of the fire in the hearth steadily lulling the both of you into a quick, cozy nap.

----

ʳᵉᵇˡᵒᵍˢ ᵃʳᵉ ᵃᵖᵖʳᵉᶜⁱᵃᵗᵉᵈ ᵃⁿᵈ ⁱ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ᶜᵒᵐᵐᵉⁿᵗˢ🫶🏽

[reiiishii]

Ume writes BL for the Seireitei bulletin under the Pseudonym 'Lee Edogawa' and she'd DIE if anyone found out. Commission her for WLW content, she doesn't discriminate.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Running gags in AEIWAM, a list:

Uryuu is bad at being a Quincy. Mizuiro is worse.

Sneezecut

Ichigo having calling literally anybody BUT Isshin in an emergency.

Leading actions (instead of theme music, a specific thing happens just before/when a character enters the scene) that are also jokes.

~*BIRD TIIIIIME*~ At the [location]!

Plot-Relevant Middle School Girl Drama

Exactly Three people actually speak German and all of them insist the other two have terrible accents

Fibercraft Discourse

People repeatedly getting the very wrong idea that Kenpachi is secretly Byakuya's biological father, until someone manages to get it even wronger.

The Karakura Gang is sure that Chad is a delicate flower who must be protected, despite him literally never losing.

Tousen's ongoing battle to keep the Seireitei Bulletin Horoscope-free.

Yamamoto's Poor Hiring Decisions

12th division is the Denny's of the Gotei-13

The Jushiro Ukitake Minimum Security Institute For Pyromaniacs