#see what taking away freedom of expression will do

[wilcze-kudly]

Actually I WILL talk about Mai's seeming 'radicalisation'. With the upcoming comic, I can see why a lot of people are confused/caught offguard by Mai suddenly having a vested interest in reforming the Fire Nation's school curriculum.

However, I don't think it's as much of a heelturn as one would believe at first glance.

Mai is a difficult character to pinpoint on some levels, particularly due to her upbringing which stripped her of a lot of her self expression. I think most of the fandom underestimates the trauma and effect of Mai's upbringing. I elaborate on it here.

However, the long and short of it is that Mai was not encouraged to question, criticise or, god forbid, rebel against her enviornment. To the point where her parents scared her with stories of spirits that would kidnap her if she misbehaved.

Ukano's involvement in politics and relatively high status should also be taken into account. Mai would have grown up being strongly encouraged to conform to her father's beliefs and go along with his politics.

Mai : My mother said I had to keep out of trouble. We had my dad's political career to think about.

We've seen the propaganda and indoctrination of the Fire Nation school system, how it uses misinformation in its curriculum and how it punishes deviance.

Most fire nation children won't have the tools to find the cruelty and danger in the philosophy of the Fire Nation. Zuko had to get banished from the country to even start his deconstruction. And he had Iroh at his side to guide him.

It's not shocking that Mai would not be able to see the flaws of the Fire Nation. Despite this, she still shows no attachment to the Nation's cause, either. In fact, she actively refused to take part in the war effort when she thought she could get away with it.

I don't think Mai had much sympathy to the other nations, nor will I claim she secretly harboured anti imperialistic sentiment. I simply want to state the fact that Mai was, from a young age, forced to do things she didn't want to do and conditioned by multiple parties, to accept this. Mai has been trained to be passive, with only the method of passive aggressiveness and gloominess to defend herself.

I think after the fall of Ozai's rule and the slow restructuring of the Nation, Mai got more freedom in her life. Ukano's political role diminished, so Mai was allowed to think for herself. She gets to discover the world more and develop her own thoughts and ideals, rather than the ones she'd been forced to conform to.

This line in the upcoming comic seems to confirm my thoughts:

Mai's upbringing is the underground and darkness. She was never given an alternative or agency in her life. And thanks to Zuko, she was able to see and experience a different world than the one she was brought up with. She is able to help to try and achieve it.

Initially, Mai is angry at Zuko's joining of team Avatar. She feels betrayed and upset that he did not talk to her in person, even if it was to protect her. And yet, she saves him. While I believe that most of her motivation was genuinely out of love for Zuko. But she also, ekther inadvertently or deliberately made the choice between Azula and Zuko. Between the two potential duture leaders of the Nation.

And she chose Zuko. Who is not only the boy she loves, but also the boy who can heal her nation.

There is an argument to be made about how Mai represents the Fire Nation itself and its relationship to Zuko, but that is a topic for another day.

The theme of Mai caring for the future of the Fire Nation can be seen expanding in the comics. As 99% of the fandom will tell you, the comics have their flaws, but I do enjoy their handling of Mai for the most part.

I think it's interesting that we are shown that Mai not only wants Zuko to be Fire Lord, but for him to be a good Fire Lord.

We see her dissapointed in Zuko secretly meeting with Ozai. At first glance, what she says to Zuko is that she is dissapointed in him keeping secrets from her, which is understandable, since the last time he kept a secret from her led to him joining the opposite side of a war.

However, with her next appearance, we see that Mai may have had another concern relating to Zuko's communing with Ozai. When Ty Lee informs her of Zuko also enlisting Azula's help, Mai exclaims 'so he really is turning into his father', which seems to denote that Mai has a distaste for Ozai and his rule, whether that be from the begining, or recently acquired.

Mai also criticises Zuko's callous and controlling restrictions over the frightened townspeople. This serves to further cement the idea of Mai becoming disillusioned with the similarly inclined authority figures of her past. Authority figures who were a symptom of the Fire Nation's utilitarian and imperialistic system. We see this disdain manifesting in its full force in the teasers for the upcoming comic.

I think people tend to not realise how restricted in her self expression and thoughts Mai was, despite all the puzzle pieces being laid out for us in the show.

Mai has gone through a very quick and yet realistic episode of character growth in my opinion. Not unlike a lot of people raised in heavily Conservative and restrictive households who peel off later in life, she's settling into her own mindset and motivations.

Ans I don't think it's an unrealistic idea for Mai to want to help change the education system. The Fire Academy for girls is where she met Azula, and as an all girl school alumni, I can tell you first hand how toxic and confining these enviornments can be.

While Mai may not be seen as a particularly empathetic or kind person (though I think this interpretation is flawed), she can sympathise with the young girls who will be placed in the shoes of her younger self.

She can want to not see these kids go through what she, Ty Lee AND Azula did.

[The panels of Mai glancing between the stifling interior of the school and the open window and choosing to go outside and lead the Nation's youth outside... ugh]

Not only is this a rather logical progression for Mai's character, in my opinion, but it also feels like a very big 'healing your inner child' moment for Mai. Since she was not really seemingly allowed to be a child, as most children in the Fire Nation appeared to have such restrictions placed on them.

I don't think it's much of a stretch of the imagination that Mai would want to have at least a small part in dismantling the system that harmed her and so many other children of the nation.

She is a young woman now, she has grown from the oversheltered, apathetic teen she was in the show. She has been able to make her own informed opinions about the state of the nation, has been able to hone her trauma into determination. And it seems we're going to see the fruits of this development in "Ashes of the Academy".

I have very high hopes for the upcoming comic, since what we've seen of it appears to make a compelling story, one I relate to deeply, as well as a good study of Mai, a character I find often misinterpreted by the fandom.

[fear-is-truth]

ONE OF THE GIRLS — KAI ANDERSON.

synopsis — you weren’t searching for love or salvation; you only wanted to be one of his girls. whatever it took, whatever you had to give up—your life, your light, your sense of self—it didn’t matter. mature content. MDNI

Kai Anderson knew how to destroy you in the most beautiful, poetic way. He didn’t just see you; he studied you, stripped you down, body and soul, until all that was left was your need for him. Then he’d fill the crevices with himself—his ideals, his control, his love. Or what he wanted you to think was love. In return, you traded your whole life—your freedom, your body, your sense of self—and you couldn’t even say you regretted it. Not when he looked at you with those dark, bottomless eyes, blue hair falling messily over his forehead, and told you, “You belong to me. There’s no world for you without me in it.”

And you believed it. Even when he left you with nothing, when he dimmed you so completely that you forgot who you were without him, you believed it. Because being his, giving him everything—even the light inside you—felt like the only thing that mattered. He’d remind you of your place: beneath him, loyal only to him, broken for him.

The way he touched you, looked at you, made you feel like the centre of his universe, even as you knew he used others before you. You’d seen the way he wielded sex as a weapon in the past, how he’d rewarded obedience with his attention, his body. You weren’t the first. You knew about the others—his other followers, women (and in some cases, men) who’d passed through his bed in exchange for his approval and attention, or simply as a tool in his grand plan. You could picture it clearly: empty promises whispered against their skin, sweet lies wrapped in the guise of sacredness.

But that was before.

Now, it was only you. He’d made that clear. The others didn’t matter anymore. They’d served their purpose, and they’d been cast aside, discarded like pawns in his larger plan. With you, it was different—or so he wanted you to believe. Kai told you that you were the only one, that your loyalty had earned you this exclusive piece of him.

And maybe it was a lie, maybe it wasn’t, but you chose to believe it anyway.

Kai loved control, and even in moments where he pretended to relinquish it, you knew he never really did. Sometimes, he’d let you push back, let you climb on top of him, tar-pit eyes greedily drinking in every minute expression you made as you spilt yourself open on his cock. Sometimes, when he felt particularly generous—or cruel—he’d tell you wrap your hands around his neck, trembling fingers pressing into his skin, his pulse fluttering. You weren’t strong enough to really hurt him, and he knew it.

That was the point.

He’d tilt his head back slightly, letting his neck arch beneath your hands, watching you with a smirk that said, Go on. Do your worst. It was a mockery of your weakness, a taunt wrapped in the pretense of submission.

Kai controlled how far you went, how much of himself he gave to you, and of course, when he’d take it away.

And when he grew bored of your feeble attempts to overpower him, the illusion would shatter the second his hands found your thighs, or when he’d grab your wrists, stilling your movements. A sharp tug, a shift in weight, and suddenly you were beneath him again, breathless and staring into those mesmerising eyes. His hands would close around your neck—not too tight at first, just enough to remind you who held the reins. But as your eyes widened and your breath hitched, his grip would tighten, thumb pressing into the hollow of your throat.

“Did you really think you could control me?”

It was a pointless question, you never could. Not that you wanted anyway.

Kai pushed you to your limits, both physically and emotionally. Hands rough, his grip unforgiving but you never once flinched. That was what he wanted—to see how far you’d go and how much you’d endure in his name. He savoured your submission, when you thought you couldn’t take one more inch of his cock, he’d whisper, “You’re stronger than this, baby.”And suddenly, you could. He’d tell you to look him in the eye, to hold his gaze no matter how exhausted and fucked out you were. When you obeyed and met the full intensity of his stare, he’d smile extravagantly—smug, victorious, as if he’d conquered you all over again. After every encounter, you felt hollowed out, empty but oddly fulfilled, like he’d taken something vital from you and replaced it with himself.

Even when you tried to pull away, he’d wrap your pinky around yours, dragging you back into his orbit. You weren’t sure when submission became second nature, but you stopped fighting the moment you realised the pain he inflicted wasn’t meant to break you—it was meant to bind you closer to him.

Kai knew how to get the best out of you, how to push you past your limits and into a space where you existed only for him. He knew exactly when to be tender and when to be cruel. One moment, he’d stroke your cheek and call you his “sweet girl,” voice low and affectionate, and the next, he’d grab your jaw, forcing your gaze to meet his. “Open your mouth,” and when you did, he’d spit into it, dark eyes lighting up as he watched you swallow obediently, heat rising in your cheeks. “You like being mine, don’t you?”

“Don’t pout. You know I hate it when you pout.” His hands would frame your face then, thumb brushing over your bottom lip. “You want me to fill that pretty little head of yours with lies instead? Tell you I couldn’t do this without you? That you’re my whole world?” his reproachful gaze cutting straight through you like a scalpel.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” It was Kai’s duality that kept you tethered to him, the way he could make you feel like the Future First Lady one moment and Just Another Whore the next. It was a cruel method, but it worked all the same. His approval was a drug, and he was the only dealer who could supply your fix.

He never pushed far enough to cause lasting harm (at least, not in a physical sense) but far enough to leave you marked. The morning after, faint bruises would bloom along your neck, hips and thighs, remnants of his control etched into your skin. You’d trace them in the mirror, fingers ghosting over the mottled flesh as pride and shame twisted in your gut.

Kai was fascinated by those bruises. They were a signature he left behind for you to carry. He’d run his thumb lovingly, obsessively over them, “You look so beautiful like this.”

God, you hated how genuine he sounded.

Even his tenderness came with strings attached.

He granted you the privilege of touching him—fingers ghosting over the faint dimple in his cheek, brushing against the coarse stubble that shadowed his jaw. Your palms slid hesitantly down the sculpted plane of his bare chest, trembling under the weight of his smouldering gaze. But it was never without his permission.

Kai would let you kiss him—slowly, deeply, his lips clinging to yours like warm molasses, reluctant to let go even as you pulled back. Sweet in its calculated pace, as if you could draw something genuine from the depths of him. Occasionally, his lips would part just enough to let a few moans escape, and for a fleeting moment, you’d think you’d found it. But then his hands would tighten on your hips, reminding you that this was still his game.

He let you take what he wanted you to have, and nothing more.

It wasn’t love. Hell, it wasn’t even lust. You didn’t want murmured sweet nothings or gentle caresses. All you wanted was Kai, Kai, Kai. Always Kai. His chaos, his cruelty, his relentless desire to tear you apart and rebuild you. You didn’t need to be the only one, the first, or even the last.

You just needed to be his.

p.s : i recommend you listen to One of Your Girls by The Weeknd, JENNIE, Lily Rose Depp

 fear-is-truth 2024 — all rights reserved. do not modify, repost, translate, or plagiarise my content.

[louisapennyfeather2021]

I would rather a solar storm knock out all of Earth's satellites and technology and be the reason why we lose Ao3 than lose it to the U.S. government.

***Edit: this isn't talking specifically about Ao3 being down on 7/10. I'm referencing all of the proposed bills in the U.S. government which threaten what little privacy we still have on the internet, threaten to censor sites predominantly populated by minority groups(POC, LGBTQIA+, disabled, non-Christian, etc), and threaten to take away the way kids/teens/young adults express themselves on the internet. For more information, research the Kids Online Safety Act(KOSA), the Restrict Act, and the Earn It Act. There are petitions you can sign, letters/email templates you can send to your Representatives and Senators, and scripts you can use to call your Representatives and Senators :)

[miriani-lavellan]

Ahh, Lucanis. So let me first say, his scenes make total sense and I'm happy with what we got - we all want more from our faves, but they did manage to compact a lot of trauma and resolution in some fairly compact quests. Here's what I think happened that wasn't made explicitly clear though:

Lucanis chooses the pantry to sleep in because he's been imprisoned and tortured for a year, and he's not ready to leave captivity yet, not inside his head. He locks himself in there because it's familiar misery to him, which is easier to deal with than scary freedom.

Lucanis' letter to Rook before he asks Emmrich to bring Zara back for questioning tells us he's suicidal at that point, and probably has been for a while. Spite, however, doesn't see him as a lost cause - he never uses that to take over Lucanis' body entirely. This is so interesting to me, when we know things like that pretty famously happen all the time in Thedas. He's determined to keep Lucanis alive - and he asks for Rook's help in doing so.

We are in the NORTH now BABY! Attitudes towards spirits and demons are different here, especially in Rivain, and it seems with our Rook too, who never expresses any chantry-esque hang ups (that I've seen). Seer Rowan greets Spite as Determination, and that's how he's introduced by Isabela (with some excitement) if you fight in the hall of Valor. What happened to Spite is just as sad as what happened to Lucanis. He was violated, perhaps corrupted, and definitely trapped - and hurts Lucanis sometimes in his frustration. But, I think he likes Lucanis! He's his host's little head gremlin, and I think the relationship they have (that we don't see too much of) is healthier than any of the possessed individuals we've seen before.

Because? Lucanis is not a spiteful person. He wants revenge, yes, and he's angry, but he doesn't hurt everyone around him because he's in pain. One of the first things he does when he becomes part of the team is go shopping for them. And despite how Ilario and Caterina have hurt him - and you can argue all day whether he's right to be like this - he still cares for them.

I think that when we help Lucanis leave the prison inside his head, we are helping Spite to return to his original nature as Determination just a little more. We're determined to help our friend, and you know what? Spite is too. For himself, firstly, because Lucanis's pain is hurting him, but in the end, he's done it for Lucanis too. There's an argument there that Determination didn't get corrupted at all - just hurt, and that Lucanis, with his loving nature, has been keeping him from turning into a mindless demon of pain.

I thought for a long time that when Lucanis breaks away from kissing Rook, it was because Spite said something horrible to him. But actually, I think it was Lucanis himself, remembering how trapped he is. Thinking about the eventuality of killing himself - I strongly suspect that's what he was thinking about before he fell asleep, and that's why Spite was trying to go walkabout - trying to get out from where Lucanis can't. Lucanis got lost in the moment, but of course he doesn't want to drag Rook into that.

Lucanis making dessert for Rook and thinking that's the same as asking them out (but not actually asking them out) is so completely on brand for him I laughed. He has no idea what he's doing. It would have been nice, though, for Rook to reply to one of the companion's 'so you're together?' banters with... 'we are?' Or for Rook to be able to ask him. Unfortunately, we don't get those convos where we can spam ask questions etc like in DA:I - I did wonder if that got cut and we missed some resolution to that.

Lucanis gives no shits about everyone knowing he's Rook's love interest. He's not ashamed of himself or scared he'll hurt them - Rook has helped both him and Spite. And judging by the way Spite's wings come out to embrace Rook as they kiss Lucanis, I suspect that Spite might love them, too.

[agatalunar]

· . ˚ *  * How do others perceive you? · . ˚ *  *

it would be a pleasure for me if you let me know if the reading resonated with you so do not hesitate to send me a message, comment or reblog, it will make me immensely happy

choose the gif with which you feel most connected/attracted

Pile 1… 2… 3…

⠀〜 Pile 1

Cards: king of wands, the moon, the justice, eight of cups

You are afraid that others will see who you really are and others notice this, they see potential in you but for some reason you don't dare to express it. You have a lot of light inside you but something stops you, you have an infectious laugh. It's as if you wanted to be a rockstar but in your environment you avoid being perceived, there is no balance between what you want and what you do. Others perceive that you hide, but... why do you do it?

You may think that you don't stand out in the crowd, but it's quite the opposite. No matter how basic you dress or how little you speak, you always have eyes looking at you and admiring you.

It's like you're a greek goddess/god trapped in the body of a mere mortal, there's a potential in you that others perceive; little by little take control of that potential, play with makeup and clothes, play with the way you walk and act, you have a mesmerizing aura that others can't resist. Don't be afraid of being perceived. Don't let fear take away your path to success, the world is waiting for you. I don't even know you but I love your energy, you are a star baby!! The world needs an icon of freedom and authenticity like you.

The vibe you bring to the function:

Things that may resonate with you or are significant:

Luces de Nueva York by Sonora Santanera, Hold me tight by BTS, “can you trust me?”, wear a lot of black, having hair up/short, redhead, 11, 18, Endlessly by Kali Uchis, “watch me with your eyes”, Chappell Roan, Vanity by Christina Aguilera, 1920, 🏳️‍🌈, queer, 888, Bjork, feminine power, “who’s the real me?”, Villain by PIXY, have an audience, fill stages

⠀〜 Pile 2

Cards: ace of wands, king of cups, queen of swords and nine of cups

You don't let others take power over you, others notice the limits you set and that can sometimes intimidate them. You're like that person at the party that everyone wants to talk to but they don't because you have such a strong energy, they love to admire you. No matter how you identify, you have a super well-balanced masculine and feminine energy.

Others love your hair, the way you move when you dance, you may really like silver jewelry or accessories, animal print? Others notice that you have a very mature energy, they perceive you as someone responsible and who knows what they want in life, you are an extremely attractive person, you are such a beautiful human being that your beauty imposes

You love spending time alone or at least you know that your happiness doesn't depend on others, it only depends on you. Although maybe the only thing you haven't completely healed is the fact of feeling vulnerable with someone else, and yes, I'm talking about loving connections. Let your soul feel what it's like to be in love, let someone like you. Don't let the fear of being sensitive take away the possibility of creating deep and beautiful connections.

The vibe you bring to the function:

Things that may resonate with you or are significant:

Heavens on fire by KISS, 9, Lo que Paso Paso by Daddy Yankee, Can’t get you out of my head by Kylie Minogue, scary beauty, Never say never by The fray, When loves is around by Zayn (feat.Syd), dance to transmute energy, 🐆, 🤎, black hair, Bad girl by WOOAH, Lest fall in love for the morning by Finneas, Hey Ma by Pitbull, You should be dancing by Bee Gees, fast and furious, She’s not afraid by One Direction

⠀〜 Pile 3

Cards: knight of coins, seven of wands, eight of cups and the death

You have a very calm energy, others perceive you as a peaceful person, you have very diverse tastes.

You are a very beautiful person but you don't notice it? Or you just don't give it any importance. Others love spending time with you because your presence attracts calm, you love to see the sky, you probably meditate or you like philosophy and reading a lot, you like to write. They love you because you are not one to criticize, you just want to take it easy, you understand that each individual goes their own way.

Somehow I feel that you have the gift of transmuting the energy of others, the negative energy of the world, you do it automatically so take good care of yourself, rest and eat well. You are like a teacher of life, possibly your soul is an old soul. You let others know a lot about your tastes, your personality and your law of life but you don't let them get too close to your personal life, I don't see it as something bad but understand that there are people in the world that you can trust, not all of them are selfish or bad.

The vibe you bring to the function:

Things that may resonate with you or are significant:

Sagittarius, air sign, indie kid, Sex, drugs, etc by Beach Weather, alternative music, lying on the grass/admiring the scenery, the pandemic is significant in your life, viral music from tiktok or music from 2019-2021, I love it by Charlie XCX, kpop, Work - Rihanna, Break free by Ariana Grande, diary, Emma Chamberlain, 5, goblin/fairy vibe, Doja Cat, “talking bad is not my style”

Thanks for your time and energy, I hope you liked it <3

[stjohnstarling]

I've been astonished by how much people seem to love my weird and experimental project held together by duct tape and string, especially since so much of it flies in the face of the way I've been taught publishing is supposed to work. The conventional way authors survive online is to release books for sale as frequently as possible - whereas I've been focusing on giving each project as much time as I can, and releasing them slowly (so far I've done a Dracula-inspired novel.) I’ve been making the sort of transgressive queer writing that mainstream publishing is too nervous to touch right now, and I've been giving it away in my newsletter for free.

I want to keep telling stories for free, forever. Only there's one problem: I'm going to need A Lot more subscribers to my newsletter. I have just under 5000 readers right now - I’m going to need at least double that.

Conventional wisdom also says that Tumblr is a dead end, but I'm convinced that this is one of the last places on the internet that capable of fostering real, counter-cultural queer expression - precisely because we are so often left out and forgotten by the mainstream. Half the reason I'm on this website is because of the culture of absolute resistance to advertising. Unfortunately, that also makes my job here rather hard. If things continue to go well, between Patreon, sales of special editions, and a couple small ads, I think I can just about get away with doing this. But I need your help.

If you're someone who's hungry for good stories and:

❧ You're sick of being sold superficial, safe, and sanitized queer stories that shy away from genuine expressions of socially unacceptable desire

❧ You see sexual freedom as inseparable from queer liberation, and you want to see that explored in metaphor via a vampire seducing a priest

❧ You want to read modern queer fiction that's aware of the deep and rich history of queer culture

❧ You want to help foster a project that would create new avenues for underground and transgressive forms of queer expression

Then you should subscribe to What Manner of Man! It's sexy and boundary-pushing and kinky, with fire in its veins.

If this works, I'll be able to take on bigger and more ambitious projects than I ever have before (it's mad scientists next, and I have some pretty mad ideas!)

Thank you for your time! Reblogs deeply appreciated.

[galene-gothic]

𝖡𝖾𝗒𝗈𝗇𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗇𝖽𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗉𝗋𝖾𝗍𝗍𝗒 𝗉𝗋𝗂𝗏𝗂𝗅𝖾𝗀𝖾 - 𝖾𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗒

୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱

ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗             PAID SERVICES

“plain beauty quivers in the presence of

charisma for it senses a stronger opponent“

Today we'll take a look at:

- the beauty of being you that solely belongs to you

- how should you go about enhancing your ethereality?

⊹ ! ೀ Pile 1 ꒱

꒰ The beauty of being you that solely belongs to you ꒱

The beauty of being you comes from the fact that you have come to value reciprocity. However, despite how much you value reciprocity, at this point you’ve turned more stingy with your time, energy, presence and emotions because you understand that not everyone deserves you in certain ways. You’ve become someone who doesn’t reciprocate much or give anything away until you’ve vetted the other person out properly. It’s funny because you have a very generous spirit and you might not mind buying things for others or giving sweets to little children along the way if you happen to meet any. You have been manipulated in the past and have had felt powerless and it initially led to a lot of confusion, fear and mental health issues. You might have been deluded about certain things and situations but it led to you seeing and facing many different sides of yourself. Initially, it was not enjoyable but this deep dive within your psyche has led to you having a knowledge of yourself including what’s valuable to you. You’ve started putting yourself first no matter what and prioritise self care strongly. You’ve become someone who doesn’t care much about closures as long as the other person’s actions to show for it. You have something very raw about you, sometimes your emotions come out very strongly which is a weak point but it only further adds to your charm because the rawness you possess is striking. However, this is something people usually don’t see coming. You have an image of someone who’s more submissive honestly. People often believe that you’d not have it in you to stand up for yourself which seems to be kind of true, when someone tells you something hurtful, you just sit there and process it without much reaction at all. Even if you do react, you haven’t fully grasped what was told to you so you still react pretty calmly. You are self critical and seem to have a slight bit of an inferiority complex so people think that you’d lack boundaries and you seem to be really theatrical, and overdo it at times in terms of being friendly, laughing, enjoying and expressing yourself because you still have a lot of pride and don’t like to show weakness which gives you a very interesting image, almost like a manic pixie dream girl/boy but with more dimension to your character and your moments of rawness and vulnerability only further add onto it. You seem to always value exciting times and freedom, and I’m not sure if you realise or not but there’s a slight fleeting charm to you due to these qualities. You’re a realistic person and take actions with rationality. You see past illusions, one way to tell that this is true is that you can see the illusions of the past as illusions and accept it. You’ve become someone very demanding in terms of romance and that’s good. You choose from your heart but you don’t forget to rationalise things and reason properly. You don’t give into fantasies and possibilities anymore. You think that if something is worth it, it’s going to be more than fantasy and possibility driven. You’re hopeful about the future and are very inspiring because you are gentle, friendly but still independent and kind of distant. There’s an elusive charm to you as in despite you overdoing it by being too friendly at times, you don’t give yourself away easily and despite your self critical nature, you don’t let it have a hold on you to the point you don’t see the reality of situations and you continue being hopeful.

You also sometimes end up showing really raw emotions but it still doesn’t change how gentle of a nature you possess. There’s something serene about you. You’re pleasing to the senses in more ways than one because you have this natural ability to see and appreciate others’ core essence and their quirks, qualities that they may have been made fun of or excluded for. You treat people who are disabled with a lot of normality too. Supposing, your classmate was a special child, you could have talked to them normally and joked around with them, and never mentioned anything about the way they were. There was once a point when you would have remained loving and empathetic no matter what but you mostly extend that to yourself these days. Emotionally, despite having been hurt and betrayed, and having to heal from it. You have this purity to you that ends up touching the inner child of others. You know how to make people feel that flutter in their stomach and heart, you naturally gain other people’s affection because you show a caring attitude. There’s just this childlike crush that others seem to develop for you. You also have a great capacity to involve yourself deeply and emotionally into your emotions for others, in others emotions and in their lives but you don’t feel like it anymore. You understand that unless there’s a commitment, there’s no need for you to do that. You have incredibly high standards and expectations for yourself, and others. It affects your emotions when you end up giving too much of your energy to someone because at this point, you know that not everyone deserves it. For some of you, there was once a point when you used to get angry at the one you were involved with because there was a lot of love present and you wanted the connection to go well and you wanted to be understood so bad but it was taken the wrong way so you ended up blaming yourself for it for a while (days, weeks, months) but you eventually realised that it was not your fault. Why it adds to your beauty is that they’ll never find love like you again. I’m pretty sure they’re still just trying to fill the void. Enough about them, your soul is one that others are going to heavily rely on in this lifetime, you won’t mind things being one sided in your early life in terms of effort but interestingly, it’s going to be situations where the other party seems to lack gratitude and appreciation for you and all that you offer which is funny because they met an almost angel-like version of you and you added so much contentment to them but they have this weird belief that that contentment is innate and that you’re the one who should be grateful to them and for them, and that’s going to lead to regrets and contemplation for you because you won’t know how to abandon someone you gave so much too but after you do let go, they’ll end up missing you more and more. You’ll pretty much haunt them for the rest of their lives. You have been a missed opportunity, a ‘what if’ in many people’s lives and that is beautiful in some ways because your energy is so beautiful, it is remembered even long after you’re gone but you deserve so much more than to be cherished as a memory and always will, and have the awareness of that. I keep on hearing that song ‘because i miss you’ by Jung Yong Hwa and I haven’t listened to it since like 2022.

꒰ How should you go about enhancing your ethereality? ꒱

Your ethereality is in the innocence and kindness that you can spread out into the world. You’re not innocent as in you’re a child but you are innocent in a way where it is so deeply ingrained in you, you wouldn’t be able to get rid of it even if you really wanted to. This is why you crave love that is very pure and almost divine in nature, not just in terms of romance but in every relationship. Don’t look at this difference that you have from the rest of the world as a weakness but instead make it your strength, turn it into your brand. You have this ability to understand people and see parts of them that they themselves cannot see which has led to a lot of disappointment for you in the past because, while they had the potential, the potential was nothing but an illusion unless they would have been able to turn it into a reality. It’s not a bad thing that you look at life in a very psyche oriented manner but use it selectively, when people do want to get better, you can show them their path through this ability of yours. You’re a very deep and intense person, it might be so bad that you might think that no one would be able to understand you or meet you at that level. However, your capacity for depth is so beautiful, you do not even need to see other people’s depth like you may have previously, you just need to explore your own. You’re a total muse just because you are who you are. Make every day of your life a testament of that, be the art, be the artist. Your kindness mixed with your capacity for depth can lead you to spreading love and tangible service to others that will help you understand yourself further, and go to show your own beauty and ethereality, one that actually puts good out into the world and makes a difference. You should set a goal that you want to touch at least a certain number of people’s lives deeply i.e. the ones who are unfortunate in some way and you don’t share any personal connection or desire for that with them. You simply just want to enhance the quality of their lives because you want to do so. We live in a world where physical beauty standards are high but somehow, women are still able to match up to them so there are millions of gorgeous women physically but kindness is a trait that is needed but in lack due to the superficiality of the world. So why don’t you make use of it and become the kindest person you can be for yourself and others? There’s this saying that goes “if you give a man a fish, he will have a meal for that day but if you teach a man how to fish, he will have a meal for the rest of his life.” Try to teach those who are willing to learn and even if they are not willing to, don’t be afraid to drop a few wise and helpful words here, and there for you never know how they’ll be used going forward. For example, you give one friend a few wise words because you think that that could help them, even if they do not learn from it right away.

They might in the future or if they don’t, someone else around you could end up enhancing their life by taking your word. “Even if you’re happy, don’t forget the sorrows of those around you.” Always look out for those less fortunate than you, put yourself first but never be too self occupied and centered to be blind to the suffering of others. Be stubborn minded and keep yourself fixed on wanting to lead a life of integrity, dignity, peace and righteousness even if you’re labeled as selfish, cruel or cold. Have faith in your silent power and don’t try to show it to anyone. When they go low, you go no contact forever. Share your knowledge but don’t give all of your thoughts away for free, there are people who will build a whole new life for themselves, taking the advice that you gave them and act like they’re all that as if they’re not living off your philosophies. Think quietly and live by certain things quietly without expressing them. Be private and stingy with your time, energy, words and presence. Walk and move slowly, and sensually. Also, don’t hesitate to but people off early on or after you receive the first red flag. Don’t be afraid of playing players, just remember not to get attached. I don’t think that most of you have it in you to play games so I think you should just not engage with players at all. Besides the best way to play a player is to not engage in his game at all. Keep your options open but don’t be available to any of them until you’re actively pursued and treated well, and have them try to commit to you. You’re allowed to paint yourself qs a fantasy by tailoring yourself to look, be, smell and feel a certain way. Spend time by yourself and make sure you have certain aspects of you and your life that are solely reserved for you. Always have gratitude for what you have, who you have and who you are but remain self focused and keep most of your emotions to yourself. Learn how to deal with them properly by yourself while still having a healthy approach and perception of relationships. Don’t mind cutting people off and being seen as someone who looks at relationships differently, and has different expectations and standards. You’re extremely powerful, you should harness that to the fullest by becoming someone who sets intentions and actively takes actions in order to become who you are and get what you want. Learn independence and try not to base your happiness upon community, belonging or love of any sort. Live passionately, love intensely, grow intensely, work intensely and go after achieving the recognition that you desire by enhancing certain skills and also yourself as a person. Work hard for social recognition by not craving it but building yourself to the point where even if you didn’t want it, it would naturally find you. Thank you for reading. Much love and take care.

⊹ ! ೀ Pile 2 ꒱

꒰ The beauty of being you that solely belongs to you ꒱

The beauty of being you comes from the contrast between your ruthless mind, loving heart and kind spirit. You’re someone who holds a lot of self respect and is passionate, also a bit blunt in words and actions. You tend to be so focused on your goals and life that you might come off kind of selfish. I’m not getting it being intentional on your part. You’re someone who values passion but not to the point you give up on rationality. You seem to be well recognised to some extent, in some way. You’ve become someone stingy who doesn’t share themself and what they’ve got that easily. You value stability and there’s this natural knowledge that you possess that the only way you’ll be able to maintain a sense of stability within yourself is by not letting anyone have that sort of power over you. You’re someone a bit standoffish in your energy and mindset but there’s also this calm awareness that you’re not better than anyone, and that you don’t need to be because you’re the best in your own way and the worst in your own way. You’re usually controlled and try to consciously maintain this sense of control but sometimes, you can get cruel, angry, cold and very frightening. Despite this standoffishness, when you interact with others, you’re nice and seem to be passionate, and fun so they are like “maybe I overestimated this person, maybe they’re not all that intimidating after all” but the moment they get this cold and harsh side of you, they realise that they underestimated you and that you can be very scary. In terms of emotions, you seem controlled, focused on building your finances, emotional well being, loving and all but you don’t get obsessive over anything. While, you do have your angry moments, usually you’re smart enough to not react to anything. Even if you hurt, by this point, you’ve learned that if someone wants to leave, they should be allowed to. You’re highly capable of love and very loving. This quality of yours has caused you to receive the shorter end of the stick in the past because people saw that you had a loving heart and they took the love, and decided to leave when convenient without any regard for your emotions, possibly with disrespect or nonchalance but your ability to act like they never even existed in your world is crazy. You’re someone who tries to not even think about these situations and people because you’re wise enough to know that not everything and everyone deserves your energy and reactions. You have a very generous soul and are very passionate, lively and genuinely compassionate. Despite all the instability, shame, hurt and betrayal that you’ve had to deal with, you’ve not lost your true spirit, you’ve become stingier with certain aspects of yourself and what you have to offer but when you see someone in need, you’re willing to try and help. You have managed to build your stability back again by possibly acting like you could never recover or feeling like such, there were those who purposely tried to knock you down to a peg for their own sick and selfish satisfaction, and though they may not admit it, they’re shocked and deeply admire the way you’ve managed to grow out of and from such situations.

You hold yourself back from people, situations and thoughts that don’t serve you. What has led you to this point seems to be how helpless, trapped and ruined you were, and felt. You were fearful and unaware of what to expect or what was going on around you and in your life. You dealt with major life events that were tragic, one after another at that. You’ve dealt with feeling vulnerable and unwanted by a string of people, you’ve had your affection and tenderness misused. You’ve honestly had your innocence used to manipulate you at some point. You could have been obsessed with someone or certain people who made you feel rejected, and you ended up falling into a loop of comparison and envy but the more time that passed by, the more you realised how unfair you were being to yourself. You decided to win in the end no matter what. You decided that you would gain out of every situation that had you down in the dumps and you succeeded in doing so. You learned lessons but also started setting goals and working towards them with consistency and willpower. You decided to take control over yourself and your life again, and the better you got, the more you realised that you had always been powerful, that you still are powerful, even if others tried to make you forget so or didn’t see it. You have become a fairly defensive person due to that, you aren’t paranoid and defensive but if someone tries to make you step out of your power or try to show you down in any way, you decide to stand up for yourself even if it’s just within yourself. You are firm and persistent about your goals, and are grateful about all that you are and have. You are content and value being present in the moment. You understand that there’s nothing more precious than the here and now. You don’t try to shed your light upon anyone anymore, you instead try to keep it hidden or at least inaccessible so that no one can feed off of it just to act like the warmth and light belongs to them or radiating off of them 💀. You decided to leave behind people, situations, habits, mindsets and anything that made you unhappy. You’re a very intense person who loves obsessively and you’ve realised that not everyone deserves it. You’re hot and cold, sweet, sour and spicy, and very unpredictable, that’s what makes you so beautiful. Like, you can be cruel but you’re usually very reasonable and able to maintain your calm, you are so loving and know how to have fun with others to the point they start underestimating you but you know how to assert a cold and cruel aspect of yourself if you’re truly pushed to it, and despite your reasonable and practical nature, you’re very intense in terms of connection but when you’re done, it’s like things never even happened, like you never even knew each and people don’t know, they don’t know what they’ll get from you, no one knows what they’ll get from you. Also, the fact that you’ve not let yourself go, that you’re still the kind and compassionate spirit that you once were, that you were never knocked down to a peg and even if you were, you still built yourself back up, regained stability and reconciled with yourself is the beauty that solely belongs to you.

꒰ How should you go about enhancing your ethereality? ꒱

Your ethereality is in your secrecy and inaccessibility. Recently, you’ve been feeling called to gate keep yourself and you genuinely believe that either no one or most people do not deserve you. You should approach life with the knowledge that not everyone has your best interests at heart. Put your healing first and remember those days when you had to cry, felt lonely, were mourning and hurting, make peace with the fact that you never deserved any of it and keep it in your mind that despite having dealt with many obstacles and difficulties in life, you’ve managed to come this far, you can continue doing so no matter what comes your way. Don’t forget how much love you have to offer but understand the value of it by your own. Don’t try to show its value to anyone in order to attract potential lovers or friends, it is of no use, let those who deserve it discover and see it for their own. Trust yourself and put your love in the right places, especially into yourself. You do not need to play the fair game all the time, the world is unfair, the fairest thing you can do is live and let live, don’t try to do anything more or overextend yourself to others. Put yourself first and don’t worry about having a little bit of audacity, just make sure that you have something to back it up, be a kind person who does good things for others in the real world, especially those less fortunate than you or with special ailments. You can’t have an audacity and nothing to back it up, you are not a man. You might be actually but anyway. Be active in the community, treat your family members with love and care, give others love in community settings (by ‘others’ I mean those who deserve it or are less fortunate than you). Be intentional when it comes to emotions, understand where to invest them and where not. Have set standards and don’t change them for anyone under any condition. Don’t mind hurting others if they are trying to hurt you or not being who you need them to be. Don’t even bother saying anything, it’s just a waste of words, just cut them out and move on. Be realistic and live, and love right in the present moment. You won’t be able to help but deal with people passionately but even if you do, don’t think that it’s the end. Keep in mind that everything is temporary and anything could happen at any time. You’re meant to be ride or die and receive a lot of recognition for who you are and what you do in this lifetime. Every action that you decide to take, keep in mind that the only things that can have power over you are things that have your attention. Be selectively attentive and selectively unattentive, and if possible even absent. Absence increases your value. You should not be around those who need you to be all nonchalant and absent in order to be in love with you but make sure to have your own life and live it, not just so you’re not too present but also so that you can make the most out of life. Always accept people and situations for what they are. “Characterise people by their actions and you will never be fooled by their words.” Welcome back, Serena Van Der Woodsen. I’m not sure why I said that either, it just came through. Serena is someone who, if she was in this day and age, one picture, no tags, no reels, no grwms, she’d go viral and everyone would be obsessed with her.

You are probably the same too or you’re at least capable of having that effect of others. “I have to go” that’s what she always says. You’re being told to keep yourself busy enough so that you ‘have go to’ a lot. Your time is precious and it is slipping by every second, don’t waste it and instead make the most out of it by keeping your best interests, desires, passions, growth and stability in mind. You don’t have to feel bad about not giving your time to anyone. Give your time to yourself, that’s the most important. What’s being highlighted here for you is to date and become your own friend, and someone you can look up to before going out there and seeking connections. Keep your time reserved for yourself and your family unless others earn it. Don’t get stuck in the waiting game, EVER. Keep yourself on the move and don’t rest for long periods of time unless you are absolutely certain that it is favourable to do so. Don’t put efforts into the wrong places, don’t act like everyone’s broken heart is for you to fix, let people be, let them deal with their life on their own, you deal with your life on your own too. Don’t forget to extend kindness to those less fortunate than you in practical ways such as donating clothes, food and money or even just simply volunteering in communities made for causes like these but don’t take on other’s emotions and baggage onto yourself, EVER! Don’t engage in competition but don’t feel bad about outshining or hurting others when they have one sided competitions with you and you win. In the past, you’ve had friends who used to accuse you of being selfish and flawed but they couldn’t explain why they thought so because it was just an illusion that their ego battle with you created. Like, you’ve had people call you ugly and selfish out of the blue but talk to you nicely on the other days. Why do you think that is? It’s because they dislike you because they see something great within you. When it comes to connections and emotions, always be grateful and stay content, you’re not lacking anything just because you may not have a partner or friends. Be independent, self sufficient and learn how to enjoy being by yourself. You need to kill the desire for connection while still being open to it and capable of it. Be loving and kind, be practical, down to earth and take care of others but understand that yearning for connections should not rob you of your peace and the joy of the present moment. It’s human and natural to desire connections, I’m not telling you to kill your desire for it as in become all hyper independent but just be content to be by yourself, don’t let your desire for connections ever surpass the contentment and joy of the present moment. Try to be who you are supposed to be i.e. passionate, on the go, ambitious, blissful, loving and someone courageous who will break free from even the tightest of the tightest and the most hurtful, and high quality ropes. Romanticise yourself but do it realistically, romanticise the good things you do and set a goal to do more good things going forward, and become a better and better person by trying your best in the smallest of small and biggest of big ways. To sum it all up - “you do not have to be good, you do not need to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” Thank you for reading. Much love and take care.

⊹ ! ೀ Pile 3 ꒱

꒰ The beauty of being you that solely belongs to you ꒱

The beauty of being you comes greatly from your onion like layers. You’re someone who is a bit more contemplative, stable, fair, balanced and like you’re managing different aspects of your life well. You could be a libra ascendant or have libra placements that give you this kind of image? Doesn’t have to be. Most of you are usually booked and busy. You’re an ethical person who treats everyone well regardless of their economic background, appearance, etc. It just comes naturally to you. You do not understand how anyone could be repulsed by certain people to the point of treating them differently from others just because they may not look physically appealing or come from a poor family because you are usually unbothered. Other people’s differences and quirks don’t faze you because you’re just naturally in this state of unbotheredness. Even physically, your reactions are usually slow because you’re often thinking about your own duties, progress, time management and what you need to do or you’re busy doing them. For some of you, your authentic self is very unbothered with a natural poker face but due to social conditioning, you may have or could fake reactions and be more expressive facially. However, trust me, the beauty of authenticity is different, you do not need to be all expressive facially, your indifference is a charm on its own. There’s this certain gentleness to the way you move and despite you having a poker face, you still have something slightly soft about it. There’s still this air of class, respect and nonchalance to the vibes you radiate. You often have any baggage that you’ve dealt with on your mind. There was a point when you were betrayed, hurt and possibly humiliated by multiple people either within the same time or in a string at different times. You’ve dealt with the lowest of lows but you decided to get better by moving away from any hurt that your life and other people may have caused you. You have it in your mind that if you have to abandon anything or anyone for the best, you should and will do it. You’ve become someone who is self respectful and low-key competitive. You’re not competitive as in you try to beat others or get better than them but you’re competitive as in, if someone was to come in your way to the success, achievement and recognition that you seem to be pretty certain that you deserve because you’re very hardworking and you actively strive to be so, you wouldn’t mind completely crushing them to move forward. You often have things like self improvement, routine, achievements, skills and discipline on your mind. You value work ethic and actively try to maintain a strong sense of it.

You’re a thought daughter/son though, you seem to think a lot. One of the reasons that you may try to maintain a strong work ethic and routine might be because it stops your thoughts from overpowering you. Emotionally, you’re changing and someone very warm. You also seem to be self assured. You’re someone fairly logical and reasonable. You are someone who is discovering, exploring and developing yourself instead of seeking these things outside of you i.e. in connection with other people, which is very admirable. Changes are not easy but you’re not falling onto someone else to support you through it but are instead planning on your own growth and emotional well-being without relying on others. You can be very stubborn, cold and cutthroat if hurt though. Usually, you just decide to exit situations that push you out of character. You’re aware of what the lowest of lows feel like but despite it, there’s a chance that some of you feel like that’s all you’ve known in life, you’re able to be optimistic and push forward, you’ve always been this way. You have this natural sense of abundance, warmth and vitality within you that pushes you forward through the toughest of days. You also add a lot of warmth into the life of others. You have the entire world within your soul. You look at life and the world as something that you have grown a lot from and has a lot of beauty within it, and you especially look at yourself like that. Even if there are times when you might question yourself, you know that your natural essence and truth is that you’re full of warmth, vitality and abundance, you know that you’re irreplaceable. In the past, you seem to have dealt with miscommunication, aggression and others misunderstanding you almost on purpose. They probably just didn’t have the capacity to or willingness to understand you. You have been the target of other people’s hatred but it is very interesting because you were a down to earth person with morals and values who tried to look after others and take care of them to the best of your abilities. You shared communities with them like school, universities, friendship groups or possibly romantic connection(s) and you understood them on a very deep level. You are devotional and dived deep into them and their psyche to the point you developed fondness, pity and an understanding of themselves that they themselves might not have had. You had a very unconditional way of loving regardless. However, it led to you depleting your natural sense of abundance, resources, emotions, energy and affection. You were down to earth, tried to take care of others and well meaning but after all that happened, you felt like you had been deceived and you barely recognised yourself. When you were younger, you could have sworn that you’d not let anyone make you question your worth but you were in fact questioning your worth at that time.

‘What was I made for?’ by Billie Eilish is coming through as your energy at that time. “Taking a drive, I was ideal. Looked so alive, turns out I’m not real, just something you paid for. What was I made for? Cause I don’t know how to feel but I want to try. I don’t know how to feel but someday I might.” “Think I forgot how to be happy, something I’m not but something I can be, something I wait for, something I’m made for.” You started a new journey with almost a childlike innocence. You made the decision to be happy, to have fun. You changed your thoughts about commitment and learned that feelings are supposed to be given time to develop at their own time without idealisation involved in the mix. At some point, you wondered if you just weren��t enough, if you just weren’t worthy of commitment and devotion because your affection and purity of heart had been abused, and you entered a phase of your childhood self, one when you were in a similar energy with no one to rely on. You felt trapped like you couldn’t escape. You felt victimised and were isolated. There was anger and hatred that you had to deal with. You came out of this energy with the acceptance that you had been manipulated and you thought you were powerless. You realised that you gave too much when you deserved to receive just as much and barely received anything (if you did anything at all). You could have felt like you were used as an unpaid therapist, purse, arm candy, placeholder, replacement for a romantic partner, etc. (depends on who you are and who you had to deal with). You decided to be cruel if need be there, you started putting yourself first and had zero tolerance for bullshit. You knew that you couldn’t afford it. You embraced changes and moved away from whatever didn’t serve you. You did so having compassion for yourself. You deserved so much better and you knew it. You started seeing past matters of heart i.e. your personal connections as something that you had deluded yourself about and accepted them as illusions. You had a strong sense of pride and didn’t let your heart turn cold. You just started reserving it for the well deserved. You were extending your warmth, compassion and love towards yourself at that time. You got to know yourself deeper on a psyche and soul level, it may have been scary but you realistically faced different aspects, truths and sides of yourself. You also started craving something more real, something that’s not idealised but present right in reality. You matured significantly spiritually, emotionally, mentally and even in terms of your actions. The beauty that solely belongs to you is that despite not idealising yourself, your life and your past, you’re at peace with it and in fact, kind of proud of yourself. You’re able to find the beauty in yourself, your life and actively work on yourself, develop and improve yourself. You desire authenticity and realness within yourself, and the world around you, and you’re not willing to settle for anything less. Thank you for reading. Much love and take care.

꒰ How should you go about enhancing your ethereality? ꒱

Your ethereality is in your authenticity that gives you a natural dreaminess. You should work harder in order to be more theatrical and enhance your authentic, and dream like qualities. Much like the previous pile, gate-keep yourself. Don’t try to prove yourself to anyone. Don’t seek approval and praise from anywhere. Be selectively honest about certain flaws and personal struggles that you may have dealt with. You take everything as a duty, a responsibility, including attracting others and connections with others. You take on a lot of burden to please the other person and be something that they may like. Use this quality for better things i.e. enhancing your natural ethereality in a way that suits your personal taste and nobody else’s. One persona that I think you could embody and would fit your personal taste is someone who has fun with others in a way that contrasts your poker face and almost regal aura but is very serious about themself, their personal boundaries and morals, and will not budge, when you are going to have fun with others, they’re inevitably going to start underestimating you, learn how to put them in their place at that time and be serious about not pleasing anyone except yourself. The reason that I suggested this persona for you is because it seems to fit you the best but if you feel like it’s not authentic to you, the point is to simply build more authenticity and not carry the burden of impressing others, building and carrying connections onto yourself. Keep your options open in every connection until you meet someone who is trying to meet you where you need them to meet you, and you consider them to be an equal to you in terms of qualities and won’t feel like you’re settling for them. Don’t forget your values of respect, loyalty, stability and deservingness. Keep in mind that not everyone deserves you so it’s better to be untouchable. Start thinking from a place of “I’m attractive, hardworking, smart, it’s guaranteed for me to attract attention but I need to be careful with the attention that I choose to entertain for not all attention is good attention, and not everyone who I receive attention from deserves my energy.” NEVER tell anyone about your goals, just pop out with the end results. Learn how to not have dreams about people you barely know and don’t try to build passion with undeserving people just for the sake of it. Don’t mind being a fleeting presence in other’s lives but never fall into the trap of being a grounded presence or into the game of waiting unless there’s a solid commitment present. Be true to yourself and make sure to not give your passion to just anyone, don’t try to give everyone the passion that you hold within yourself. Keep it gate-kept until deserving people actually enter your life.

You need to understand the value of what you bring into connections and into the world. You’re sensitive to the emotions of others and are able to heal other’s wounds and inner children. You know how to provide an affection so pure, they’ll always feel like a middle schooler in love, your heart is pure and you have the capacity to get so emotionally involved that them hurting, just the mere thought of it hurts you too. Does everyone deserve you? Of course not. Don’t give this quality out to everyone for free, keep it to yourself. Find ways to enjoy being alone so that you can truly gate-keep yourself. You need to know the value of your presence enough to not be present everywhere. One way to be able to cultivate the quality of selective presence and gatekeeping yourself is by associating your emotions with your self improvement, your dreams, the state of your heart and your goals. You can’t be fair to everyone and you do not need to be, not everyone deserves you that’s the truth of life, not everyone deserves a chance at a connection, don’t be closed off to connections but don’t be too open to them either. Understand that you’re so valuable, you require people who see, appreciate and honour that, they also need to be valuable so you can do the same for them. Understand that you’re so valuable, you require people who see, appreciate and honour that, they also need to be valuable so you can do the same for them. Keep yourself busy and on the go but don’t try to be something that you’re not i.e. don’t try to be like “I’m gatekeeping myself because not everyone deserves me” if you’re a desperate person with no life and allows them in your headspace 24/7. Instead, actually become the person i.e. keep yourself busy and have things that you’re actually doing, not because you’re trying to attract others but because you have one life and there’s so much to try, and do, and you should not waste it. I’m not telling you to be full of yourself and act like someone you’re not but it is important to not be available to everyone in terms of personal connections and even just your presence. All I’m asking from you is high standards, selectivity and boundaries. With those that do deserve you, treat them well, show them appreciation, gratitude and affection. Have a lot of fun with them, go places with them, explore with them and don’t mind diving into the depths of their psyche. Also, don’t gate keep yourself to the point that you have no community. Learn how to not give away your emotions, words and reactions to people within it who do not deserve it because the truth is that you are going to have to and will want to deal with people no matter what. I also recommend joining communities with shared interests and causes. The main point here is to have control over your energy. Be authentic to the point you repulse those who are not authentic to themselves, all while attracting them and also attracting others around you but don’t give yourself away to anyone freely. I’m not sure if you noticed it but when you were open to everyone and giving them unconditionally, they took from you to the point you lost your authenticity and that’s when they left or started acting like they were better than you in some way. You are going to attract those who will try to crush your authenticity, which is why I’m putting an emphasis on gatekeeping of the self. Thank you for reading. Much love and take care.

[lovetei]

Okay, this have been on my mind for a while now…

So! MC in the manga is a sheep (get turn into a sheep because they aren’t familiar with the magic? Idk). I was just wondering that at the end of the exchange programme how would the boys react to Mc’s “true form”

This is such an interesting thing to write 🖤

By the way, this is another request stuck in my drafts, I promise I'll try to make up for it and post more :')

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Their reaction to Sheep MC changing into their human form at the end of the exchange program

Warnings: Slightly suggestive, no proofreading, wrong grammar, spelling errors, kind of long

Versions: Demon brothers, Side Characters

Links: Masterlist

--------------------------------------------------

LUCIFER

It was the end of the exchange program and he's seeing you off

A large portal behind your back

For you, it might be the portal that will lead you to the freedom and whatever normality this program took away from you for a whole year

The portal that you've been waiting for

But for him, it's nothing but a spiral of magic that takes away the only comfort he has

The comfort that he seek for

And his twisted heart aches whenever he remembers it

But he hides it off with a smile and a wave

He waved at you one last time before you turned around

"Uhm... I feel weird-"

What?

The extreme feeling of despair left his body for a second and was covered with confusion

That soon turned into worry as your sheep form completely fell to the ground

The noises you're making is not normal and they're all panicking because they've never heard of it before

And the fact that you started glowing didn't ease their mind.

Could it be that some higher demon planted some spell inside of you?

IS THAT SPELL SUCCESFUL?!-

MC..?

He looked at you shock

No, more like-

He looked at your new form, shocked.

The way your naked body is laying on the ground right in front of him...

Right in front of them..?

He can't help but sigh and thought that, everything would have been fine, perfect even, if you turned into this form in front of him

But no, you just have to turn into your original self in front of everyone

Now he can't even embrace you.

All he did was take his coat off and throw it to your body as his face flush red.

You turned around to look at them as you clutch his coat with that adorable expression before you run off and enter the portal

He's left there, shocked and speechless

He didn't know what the hell just happened

But what's he's sure of is that he's going to get you back

And you're going to show that expression to him one more time

But that time, it will just be the two of you, alone.

MAMMON

This man is bawling his eyes out

His original plan is to watch you leave as he cries and once you're gone he will walk it off like a real man, with tear stains of course.

He set his mind to it, gambling for the whole week after you leave so that he can forget you

Even for just a moment

But no,

You won't even let him have the peace of mind

Or leave him with a nice memory

Instead your sheep body dropped to ground and made everyone think that you're about to die!

But you know what more you did?

You turned into a human!

Your human form!

Naked!

He went from 😭 -> 🤨 -> 😮 -> 😭 -> ��� in a mere minute

He just stood there with a flushed face

A blushing dumbass who don't know what to do but watch as Lucifer threw his coat on you

And watch you run away with that cute expression, embarrassed expression on your face.

Gosh

You drive him insane

Now he's all fired up, willing to destroy the mortal world just to get you back in his arms.

LEVIATHAN

This one too is bawling his eyes out

While holding his camera of course

He's filming every part of this

He's standing there like "WAHHH MCCC! W-Wait is the angle r-right..? I need to capture how b-beautiful MC is..." while sobbing words out.

His hands are holding the camera shakily but the movement suddenly stopped when you said you feel weird...

His eyes shot open and his tears stopped

Are you okay..?

. . .

He's malfunctioning the moment you dropped to the ground and started to glow

And he malfunctioned even more when you turned into your human born, as naked as the moment you were born.

Now his sniper instincts came in and the camera is as focused as a laser

He's staring at you wide eyed, face as red as a tomato and his mouth agape

He doesn't know what's happening

But what he's sure of is that he needs to film it

Everything

The moment you grabbed Lucifer's coat and hugged it to cover yourself

And the moment you stood up and looked at them with that cute expression

But the moment you left, he hid the camera

This film is for his eyes only...

He's gonna need this for a 'project'...

And you know what else he needs?

Tissues.

SATAN

He's smiling everything off as he watches you leave

But you know deep down some anger is boiling

Considering how hot his pact mark is getting

Because, why do you have to leave..? Did he fail to satisfy your standards..?

He can't help but roll his eyes internally

But in the middle of his self talk, you spoke

"I kind of... Feel weird-"

And then you dropped to the ground and he's suddenly panicking

Any other feeling except for confusion flushed out of his body

He ran up to you immidiately but the light dimmed down and your naked body lay before him

He can't help stop in his tracks and just look at you and blush

Before he can even register anything, Lucifer's coat is already hugging your body

Which causes another wave of wrath to hit him

He just glared at Lucifer and saw that he's not even paying attention to him

He's looking at you

With a foreign expression in his face

So he also looked at you and...

Why the fuck did you have to look so majestic..?

You met his gaze and your face flushed before you ran out and entered the portal

He just remained still

Looking at the ground where you once sat

He can't move, he's shaking so much...

He feels like he's about to explode...

ASMODEUS

"WAHHH MCCC!" He whined out as he openly sobbed

He loves you so much!

Just why do you have to leave him!

He can't help but pout at you as you say your final goodbye

But what about him?

Why do you have to leave him too!

I mean it's understandable that you want to leave them because they're all such nuisances to you why him?!

He can't help it-

What do you mean you're feeling weird?

He's slowly walking to your direction

But you started to glow..?

Suddenly he's bearing his teeth expecting enemies around

Oh wait...

Oh...

You're...

Naked...

His mind is scrambled

He completely stopped working

And he'll probably be out of service for the next few days.

BEELZEBUB

He's probably standing there with Belphie in his arms

He's giving you his infamous puppy smile hoping that you'll give him what he wants

Hoping that you'll fall for it like the usual and ran up to him an dsay he's cute instead of leaving

But there's a part in his heart that knows you won't

He's sad and happy at the same time

He's happy because you'll finally live the way you do back then

But he's sad because you have to leave to do so...

Huh?

You're feeling weird..?

You're glowing, MC!

He's shaking Belphegor awake now

What's happening to you-

. . .

He'll be one of the most respectful and cover his eyes

But he's secretly peaking through the gaps

Your flushed face...

Looks so cute...

You look...

You looked delicious...

Just enough to eat...

Now he's hungry.

Hungry for something... New?

Something that includes you.

BELPHEGOR

He's awake actually

He watched everyone, he heard everyone gave their final speeches to you

But when you were about to leave

He forcefully shut his eyes and leaned on Beel

Hoping that his sin would take over and he fell into some deep slumber

But why of all times... Why isn't it cooperating..?

His brows are furrowed as he forces himself to sleep

But suddenly everyone dropped silent...

So you finally left?

Wha- why is Beel shaking him?-

MC?!

Why the fuck are you glowing now?!

No no no...

Is it the work of some demon?!

Who-

. . .

You're... Naked...

In front of everyone...

Haha...

Beel better hold him back or else he's about to run after you and do what his brothers can't

But he knows you won't like that.

So he clinged to Beel-

Haha...

Why do you look like that?!

That's his last thought before he ran and almost caught you but the portal closed

Immidiately.

"Hmm... What a shame~"

He'll make sure he'll catch you next time.

[emmafrostyyy]

y'all sleeping on Astarion/Lae'zel bc this moment is so...the way the flippant demeanor drops and he doesn't hesitate to call her out for sticking with her version of Cazador like their relationship is so underrated fr...

sitting down writing this bullshit like let me peel it like an onion a bit and elaborate why this pairing is fascinating to me

It's really interesting how during the most cathartic, life-altering moment in Astarion's questline, the reactions of the other companions are more about the moral wrongness/guilt of sacrificing innocent lives. Lae'zel doesn't do that and instead relates to his hurt.

She knows what's he's feeling, the lack of control, the unfairness of being powerless for too long. This is a woman who just found out her entire life purpose was built on lies, discarded and hunted by her own people after outliving her usefulness, and groomed to basically die for an insane power-hungry lich queen. She knows all too well that power isn't always real freedom. Her first instinct is to empathize with Astarion to steer him away from his hate and resentment.

Astarion/Lae'zel is so interesting to me because they're such a classic "can we make each other worse or make a better person out of the other?".

They both have genuine appreciation for violence and respect each other's ruthlessness. Astarion was used as a weapon of seduction while Lae'zel was of warfare. Sex with people is meaningless and not real intimacy for them, and while both have little understanding/experience of interpersonal relationships beyond the physical, they still feel and love very deeply. They have no frame of reference for things like friendship and warmth, but they badly want all of that and more, even if they don't know it yet.

In-game they can sleep with each other, which is basically the foundation of the normal Tav/Astarion romance. Lae'zel saw him during combat and got horny, who knows. Astarion who's used to luring people with his charms, takes up Lae'zel's blunt offer because she's a strong hardened warrior that can provide protection and be a worthy ally, and he doesn't know how to say no. Navigating the complications between one who wants to be seen beyond as a sex object, and one who comes from a totally alien culture with no concept of love/family/connections and only sex is honestly really compelling to me. It's a transactional, mutually beneficial thing with no emotional expectations. Once you get past the skeevy rockiness of their early relationship, I really like the idea of them slowly seeing something past the exterior and realizing they may have harshly misjudged the other, an unspoken friendship blooms, and in comes the realization that they are essentially loners longing for kindness and a comforting touch in the most desperate of situations.

Lae'zel is prideful, direct, has no sense of courtship talk, and doesn't hold back her thoughts the slightest--she's not sweet/agreeable and what you see is really what you get, which I imagine would be disarming for Astarion who's used to vacuous flattery and has difficulty trusting others. But she's also insanely protective, passionate, loyal, and an initiator-- every romance scene is triggered by her first and she's always showing effort towards her relationships, which would mesh well with Astarion who does need someone to nudge him.

She doesn't purposely suppress her feelings, she's just simply at loss at how to express them sometimes due to her wildly different upbringing. She stops the sparring match you agree to and an easy vulnerability slips instantly out of her: "I don't want to hurt you. I want to protect you, and for you to protect me." and "Thus far I've taunted you, devoured you, battled you. Now I want more than anything to soothe you." are romantic as fuck and Astarion of all people really needs to hear that tbh.

Astarion is also someone who struggles with reinforcing his boundaries, and a key theme in Lae'zel's romance is that she encourages and wants you to challenge her and learn to stand your ground. It's not gentlest method, but hey, relationships are about having to make an effort to learn each other's language.

I think he also would take pleasure "educating her on the matters of Fay-run" (I believe there's a whole banter with him teasing her and teaching her pet names) and would get a kick out of coaxing Lae'zel out of her shell with her shyness at showing public affection, and making her blush. Also it simply would be fucking funny to see Astarion who's used to easy seduction, trying to pass a persuasion check just to get a smooch and generally having to work to earn regular kisses from Lae'zel lmfaooo

Lae'zel also initially struggles to see her chains as chains. When she learns about Vlaakith's betrayal, she copes instantly through denial and shuts it down. Astarion is NOT having it and calls her out, he knows her well enough to recognize that she would value blunt honesty above all.

I imagine he also despises her lack of self-preservation, the way her entire identity is tied to duty and being in service of others, and doesn't understand her desire to still help/liberate the people that want her dead and are hunting her down. He wants to make this duty-bound soldier realize that looking out for herself, and putting herself first may not be the worst thing in the world.

They're so similar to each other but are also polar opposites in some ways that make a more equal, balanced romance I think. It's not a simple, one-sided, feel-good "she/he can fix her/him" fantasy because both of them have to earn each other's love, actually cut through the other's flaws, and actively motivate each other to be better versions of themselves.

They're not at all the other's ideal guiding hand. It's rough, jagged, and imperfect, but that's how healing goes. It's so far from being the healthiest relationship -- but even if their belief systems differ, their moral compass does often align. I imagine it's a slight relief for them to have a partner where there would be less shame and judgment when they expectedly, occasionally slip up and fall into their bad habits.

Also, man, the "You showed me the betweens and beyonds. Beyond war and peace, beyond passion and obsession, most importantly, you showed me freedom.", "First you were my wound, now you were my cure.", "But you saw something else in me - someone else I could be. Someone who could break the cycle of power and terror that started centuries ago.." lines really hit hard when applied to them.

Of course, they can also make each other worse, feed into the other's negative traits that will bring out the worst part of themselves. It's this duality of their pairing that is very interesting to explore, the way it can steer in either direction because it's an intense, fraught relationship at its core.

[matan4il]

I'm gonna put it as simply and blatantly as possible.

Russia in 2022 attacked another Eurovision participant and made a whole bunch of other contestant countries scared of being attacked next, after already having attacked a fellow competitor in 2008 -> Russia got banned from Eurovision

Ukraine in 2022 got attacked, had its civilians targeted intentionally, did not choose to start the war, has no record of past attacks against ESC contestants, and is not currently posing a threat to any other Eurovision participating country -> Ukraine did not get banned

Israel in 2023 got attacked, had its civilians targeted intentionally, did not choose to start the war, has no record of past attacks against ESC contestants, and is not currently posing a threat to any other Eurovision participating country -> Israel did not get banned

There isn't a double standard, except for people who insist on not following the geopolitical logic. Same ones who didn't use Ukraine's retaliation activities against Russia as justification to get Ukraine banned, but are doing that to Israel, usually with a side dish of false, hyperbolic accusations that have nothing to do with reality.

Also...

The only flags allowed are of participating countries and the pride flag. The American flag is therefore banned. The Mexican flag. The Japanese, the Korean, the Nigerian flags. The world doesn't actually revolve around Palestinians, they're not actually the ultimate victims, and honestly, it's offensive they're cast that way when there are conflicts far worse and bloodier than the current war in Gaza, not to mention it takes away attention and help from them, to make everything constantly about the Palestinians.

Meanwhile, this is supposed to be the rule. Outside the performance hall, but within the borders of the Eurovision village, a visiting Israeli comedian called Guy Hochman was assaulted for walking around with the Israeli flag. Swedish police intervened, but they didn't act against the anti-Israel protesters who attacked and spat on Guy, they stopped him from openly carrying the Israeli flag. He asked why are they not allowing it, even though the flag is of a participating country, in accordance with the rules. He was told it's too dangerous. He then asked why are Palestinian flags not being removed, if they're banned according to contest rules, and was told that in Sweden, freedom of speech is above anything else. He was also grilled about whether he's Jewish by the Swedish policemen. Why was his flag denied, then? Why was his freedom of speech not protected, why was his Jewish identity a matter for questioning?

Another thing, the Swedish singer who ended up in third place in 2011 Eric Khaled Saade went on a childish rant crying over the Palestinian flag being banned (again, as if it's the only one), and as he was invited to perform this year, he got on stage live with a kaffiyeh tied to his left hand, even though he knew that was considered political, and therefore not allowed. Once more, he whined about it as if this is specifically against Palestinians, but you know what? The dress designers wanted to have a Star of David on the dress of the Israeli singer. She's a Jewish woman, that's a Jewish symbol, so why not represent her identity? But they were told that's "political." And you know what the Israeli delegation did? Followed the rules. You won't see the Star of David on Eden's dress. When they were told not to wear the hostage pin, because that's "political"? They followed the rules. When the Israeli song writers were told that their song, expressing Israeli pain, is "too political," what did they do? Followed the rules, they changed the lyrics. And you don't hear them crying about it all over social media and the news.

Not to mention, Eric Saade had no problem kissing the ass of Israeli fans back in 2011, when he competed and needed their votes. Was his dad less Palestinian back then? By the way, Israeli fans didn't hold his identity against him, they didn't demand he be questioned about Palestinian terrorists, or what his stance is on Hamas, they didn't drag politics into it, they focused on music and culture connecting people across borders and identities (as the ESC is supposed to do), and Israel gave its 12 points in both the semi and the final to Eric Saade that year. How did he repay those fans? Campaigning to ban Israel (and therefore them) from the contest, because he's incapable of seeing them as people first, and political rivals second, or maybe even (God forbid!) not at all...

It all smells like hypocrisy to me. But we all know this post won't get anywhere near the exposure (through likes and reblogs) that the lying, self-centered, hypocritical anti-Israel posts do. Doesn't matter. I'll still be here, speaking the truth.

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[blondieeu]

Would you be okay writing some sfw & nsfw on what it would be like dating Connie? I know the reader is married, but he just interests me so much. I love how you based him on Rio, he’s my favorite.

i’m so passionate about connie being based off rio too it’s ok i love writing for him

been away. connie (constance) s.

“you good?”

and you’d just look at him. a moment for the two of you to be vulnerable together in a car you had no business being in, about to smoke a blunt you shouldn’t have been smoking, with someone you especially had absolutely no business being with.

“what’s wrong”

“can’t park here, my husband could see.“

he laughed, starting the engine as loud as he could while he looked at you, a bored expression. his eyes were low and his lips almost sparkled in the moonlight from the lip gloss you kissed him hello with.

“your husband mama?”

“yes!”

constance wore a white wife beater and some sweatpants, tattoos and muscles on full display to everyone who say him, but you knew it was only for you.

his prized gold chain laid across his collar bone. said his mother gave it to him when he was little. his car smelled like him too, the car you helped him pick out at the dealership. smelled like the color navy blue, if that made sense.

“yea ok. tell him your real man s’ takin’ you out.”

and he’d pass you the blunt, tattooed fingers grazing against your untouched ones and handing you a lighter before putting the car in drive and pulling off.

constance hated your husband, maybe you did too. he never listened and was always out, giving you the freedom to do the same. you weren’t a monster though, not like you didn’t care for him, just didn’t love him.

you loved constance— or as you knew him, connie. you knew you loved him when you started to worry about him when he told you he was ‘goin to make a play’ in the middle of the night. or at the point where you’d think about him, regardless of you being in a bed with a whole other man, your husband.

“where we going connie?”

“same place we go everytime girl. unless you want me to fuck you in this car.”

you squirmed in the passenger seat at the thought. wouldn’t be the first time but he could never not make you hot at the thought of having sex with him again, always gave you butterflies. made you feel like a virgin again. it wasn’t always about sex with him though, he was real with you.

when you got to his house it was like clockwork, order food, take a shower, put on some of his clothes and eat together. eventually deciding to eat in the living room and watch some bullshit show you’d been obsessed with recently.

so here the two of you sat. you laying with your head in his lap, and him with his hand rubbing on your butt and the other with the remote.

his house was like a second home to you, he said it was your home too. could come whenever you wanted to, move in if you wanted. got you a copy of the house keys, front door and mailbox.

“gotta move if you don’t wan’ fuck right now, you keep rubbin’ onnit.”

and again, like clockwork you’d work his sweatpants and then his boxers off to pull out his lengthy cock. he had a tan shaft with a pretty pink tip. connie always got so hard for you.

you wrapped both your hands around him but it still wasn’t enough to cover the whole thing. starting off you kissed the side of it, making sure to do it on both sides and even on the top before you took him all the way down into your throat.

connie would moan, head rolling and a tatted hand coming to push all of your hair up into the messiest ponytail you’d ever had. your free hand rubbing up connie’s tan stomach, pushing his wife beater up.

“fuck baby”

with your head bobbing at a decent pace, tongue flicking around his pink tip and getting a faint taste of his pre-cum. the sound of your boyfriends moans drowning out the tv show.

“want you to put it in connie”

you whispered as you let your head come down from his cock, still stroking while you looked up at him. his eyes were a little red from the blunt you smoked earlier. the tv illuminating his rough features, like the small scares on his face.

“so take your panties off then mama”

blondieeu xx

[affableramen]

“Keep riding me” Genshin Impact men x You, the reader

Featured characters: Pantalone, Neuvillette, Capitano, Dottore

Tags: 18+ only please, gender neutral reader

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Pantalone

His all time favourite is doggy, yet one day he gives his imagination freedom and considers a new position. As he scrolls through many possibilities he finally chooses one pattern and calls you to his office during his break. You see him sit on his couch impatiently, his legs somehow widely spread as he holds his hand to his temples and stares at you with a look full of pure lust. You realise exactly what this will lead to. “But we only have 20 minutes”, you warn him. Yet Pantalone is a but a lustful impatient fool at this moment. “Sit.” You approach the couch and he repeats himself: “Too scared to be on top? Come sit.”

“I am not scared, you scoundrel.”

“Then do it. I want you on top, now. Otherwise my pants might tear.”

You look at him perplexed. Is he so excited?

“My body has been rubbing against my pants for a while now and I am feeling quite… uncomfortable. Will you free me from this useless clothing?”

Vulgar language is natural for him.

You finally settle down on his lap and take his erect stuff out of his pants. Both of you are lucky his office is soundproof, cause it’s loud when you’re riding him.

“Fuck…” Pantalone throws his head back. His body is begging for release and he almost pleads you to empty his balls as the pressure grows insufferable. And you help him do exactly that, while gripping his shoulders and biting on his earlobe. Pants certainly did not expect he’d go so squishy and soft for you. You get your release pretty soon too, definitely proud of making a mess out of a powerful cocky man like him.

Neuvillette

He was wondering when you’d suggest him another position after spending countless nights in the dull missionary. Neuvillette himself is too shy to offer something like this out loud. But since you didn’t make any corrections he decided to be bold once and attempted to offer you something new.

“You want me to ride you?”

“Why not?” He is blushing like crazy yet his expression is unchangeably calm. You look at him astonished and your eyes widened so much Neuvillette is embarrassed to the point he clears his throat and looks away. “Well? I am free this afternoon. My staff has decided to take some of commissions today so I am available. What do you think?”

He is nervous, yet when this finally happens, he lets you use his cock to the last drop. He wants you to milk him dry and he adores seeing you rubbing your body against while he lays back. The sensation of having you literally sit on his dick is so unforgettable and refreshing, he comes hard and lets out some of his voice while doing so. He then covers his face cause he whimpered gently when you let him spill, which is so unlike him.

Capitano

Capitano is a huge guy in all aspects and he is always deliberate and slow with you. One day a thought comes into his mind, a sight of you riding his dick feeds a feral spirit deep inside him. Capitano does not say or suggest anything beforehand. Simply though, when you are alone in your home and get into the sheets together, instead of doing your natural bed sport routine with you under him, he gently pulls you to his lap not spilling a single word. You carefully climb in a better, more convenient position as soon as you take a hint. Capitano lets you move as much as you like. He tenderly squeezes your hips and takes himself in hand, inserting slowly to the fullest. He is so big, you’re panting, gripping his large chest. Once you’re used to the angle, he says under his breath: “Move, won’t you?” And you do so. The both of you finish contented with the experience. Capitano cleans you properly after and kisses your forehead, tucking you into sleep cause of how exhausted and good girl/ boy you are.

Dottore

Dottore… is just Dottore. He wanted an experiment and he’ll get it.

You were both sitting in the living room doing your stuff when Dottore suggests out of the blue: “Let’s have sex, but so that you’re on top riding me.”

You were amazed by hearing such offer from his mouth, considering how indifferent he usually is to stuff like this. Dottore immediately closes his book and puts it away.

“Why does your face look like this?”

“It’s a pity I don’t see yours.”

Dottore chuckles.

“You know I won’t remove the mask”, he pauses, “Now, let me unbuckle my stuff…” He clasps his belt and in no time his pants are loosened. “I won’t need my body naked, just the lower part.” He is always so messy, chaotic, clumsy even. You stare at him silently enjoying the view of his thighs. “Hey, what are you looking at? Just sit on my lap already”, Dottore hisses. You slowly, teasingly approach him, trying to get an impatient reaction. Dottore spreads his hips so that you have full access to him. And then you lower yourself, slowly and gradually. Dottore bites his lip with his sharp teeth. “Shit… you gotta bite my dick off tightening so strongly.”

“I knew you’d like it, Dott.”

Dottore is lazy as fuck and he wants you tonight to move against his crotch. You do so steadily for a while, before Dottore’s thin hands start rummaging over the table next to the couch and he finds a vial with suspicious liquid.

“A little aphrodisiac, just to sharpen the sensation.”

You roll your eyes and give him a skeptical look.

“You were planning it, huh? Dott—"

He pours the liquid first in his mouth and then offers to you. The night which seemed so dull to you ended with more than pleasurable sensations. You learned that Dottore can actually scream during the process.

[sugar-grigri]

Pochita, if you can read, why don't you speak ?

Wouldn't it be humane to protect humanity and demonic to protect the underworld? And what if... it was actually the other way around.

The interweaving of questions and answers is exactly what this chapter does.

While Yoru sordidly states that children are nothing more than the property of their parents, the one who can't speak, instead of devouring a human as he did with all those demons, decides to go to the blood drive.

Pochita understood what the sign meant. He knows how to talk. But he'd rather hold up that sign and roar than make any demands.

Worse still, he does not decide to give any orders.

It's not words that symbolise order, it's that raised index finger that already in Roman times expressed command.

In the United States, arms are a constitutional right (as recently reiterated by the Supreme Court, which does not admit of any restrictions), a fundamental freedom but also a means of preserving one's freedom, allowing organised militias to fight and protect the State.

You can see how it's all a construction, the weapons are a technological creation, the State is an administrative and political creation.

And that's where things get interesting. First of all, this chapter is highly symbolic and has a very strong political message (oh my god, political interpretation in a manga, impossible..........)

Yoru has sliced off the index fingers of those who support the right to bear arms in the United States. Or campaign for that freedom. But what Yoru is doing. In fact, it's taking it away from them. How can I shoot without this index finger? You can't do it.

It's by taking weapons away from men that they actually regain their freedom.

But it goes even further than that. Why does Yoru sacrifice these fingers? Because it reinforces the fear of weapons. Let's say I point a gun at you (sorry). You'd be less scared if you were as armed as I am. Especially when you're trained, know how to defend yourself and aren't afraid to shoot.

Yoru makes those who thought they were invincible with weapons vulnerable. She strengthens the Gun Devil's power. She contracts with them through her sacrificed child.

Weapons,

freedom,

deprivation of childhood,

of loved ones,

obsession with a mentor,

To think that a god created them.

Remind you of anyone?

Infanticide is what makes you immortal.

The sacrificed demons become weapons, lost between humanity and the demons. Not being human, nor demon, because they have no parents. Even artificial weapons like Reze and Katana display these characteristics. Isn't loneliness one of the ingredients?

Humanity sacrifices its children. As Fujimoto confirmed, they were prepared to do it for eternal youth.

And now you're going to say to me. NOOOO! Yoru too! Just as Makima wouldn't hesitate to do. The demons are also ready to do it.

Yes, because they are influenced by men.

Yoru speaks, uniting with humanity to say horrible things. Whereas Pochita doesn't speak. Worse still, he has chosen not to speak. Worst of the worst, even worse. He'd rather be a dog than a human. That's his choice.

Pochita fights for those he loves, he doesn't sacrifice them.

The demon of birth, it swallows but can spit out. Suspending existence, giving it new life, denying none of it.

Wasn't Makima devoured by Denji proof of this?

Nayuta is the symbol of this rebirth. A perpetual love that surpasses hate.

Pochita loves demons. He also loves those who mean something to him, like Denji. But he also knows that when we become too human, we can end up sacrificing ourselves out of vanity rather than love.

Pochita has sacrificed himself for love, without expecting anything in return as he waits permanently for Denji's dreams.

He is also Denji's lock, preventing him from fully adapting to men.

That's why killing Black CSM was Denji's wish come true. Because Pochita is preventing Denji from becoming normal.

Because he wants to protect him from humanity. Pochita has never been for humanity.

He is simply the guardian of the underworld, all those demons whose existence he guards, a supreme mother. Humanity must endure in order to continue to be afraid. But if humanity is prepared to overcome the ultimate fear of losing its child, then fear is scorned.

So Pochita tried to wipe out the weapons' existence, to devour them. But they still existed. Why? Because they are already the result of infanticide.

being devoured by the demon of birth, mother of the underworld, actually reinforces their existence.

Being devoured by their mother is the reason for their nature.

Whereas weapons are beings born because their mother has killed them.

Denji is the result of the death of the Supreme Mother.

It's not a weapon.

He's a wall.

Hero of the underworld.

A hero of the underworld who has been fighting from the start for the victory of love, sacrificing himself for those he loves and not sacrificing them. So he asks for blood.

And I'm sorry. If weapons really are born like that, they have to look human, and I think this is the last possessed human.

Someone's been ringing the doorbell.....for 100 chapters… it's time to answer it, isn't it?

[sukunas-wife]

I'ma need some more of that pregnant reader and sukuna... That kinda slapped do it again please and thank you🌹

Idk if you meant while pregnant or after Yuji was born but here’s some pregnancy moments 🥹 i tried 🤍

“RYOMEN SUKUNA” your voice cutting Uraume off and gaining an irked look from your husband, “what is wo-” he coughed looking away, Uraume turned to look at you closing their eyes trying to hide a snicker as they looked away and down. There you stood in almost your full glory, your robes open the belt just over your bump, your ladies in waiting running in after you, “Lady y/n! Please! You shouldn’t run around bare showing your belly! You’ll catch a cold!” Sukuna was amused but your glare was something he didn’t want to be on the receiving end for too long. It wouldn’t be the first time you kicked him out of HIS room and HIS bed.

“Is something wrong?” He asked.

“DO YOU NOT SEE THE PROBLEM?” Your snappy attitude would’ve usually rewards you with his own snappy attitude but he was trying his best to not snap at you while pregnant. “You’re round?” He asked as if it were obvious which caused you to tear up “you think I’m round?” ;-;

Hearing Uraume stifle their laugh, you watched your husband’s as he stood up pulling his robe belt free, throwing his outer robe over bus shoulder. Once he was close enough he took your face in two hands squishing it while the other two stripped you, “I don’t think your round, you are around, but you’re round with OUR child, and I don’t see what could be more comforting than knowing you carry the Proof of our intimacy.”

You looked up at him feeling his hands rest on your swollen belly, now covered by his white robes and belt, “My clothes doesn’t fit like it used to- then use my Robes all you want, ask your hand maids to make new clothes. Whatever you need it’s yours to take.” You smiled leaning your head against his palms enjoying how loose and large his robes were. He didn’t know he had basically signed away his freedom, his robes would now be your robes the more your belly swole.

He eyed you the first time you walked up to him with clean robes folded robes. He didn’t understand why you brought him new clothes? “I want your robes, they’re warm… and smell nice…” the heat on your face and expression of embarrassment made him chuckle as he pulled off his robes and belt before securing them over you, his warm hands and finger tips lingering over your neck, collar bone, wrists and hands when he’d fix the collar and sleeves. The warmth taking over you body as you basked in the warmth of his robes. The faint smell of his natural musk mixed in with woody smoke and the incense from the censors he had brought in ever since the months got colder and the physician saying you’d need to take it easier in bed rest now that you were closer to labor.

Yet you always persisted on looking for and hugging your husband just to place your cold hands on his chest or back. It was one of the few things that made him visibly cringe and shiver or freeze up entirely until your hands warmed up against his skin. Now that he thinks about it he spoiled you entirely in your first pregnancy during the day when you’d lay in bed staring at your stomach bump, cold under the thick blankets ribs shivering until you’d pout and call for your Lady in Waiting, she was a young lady who had grown from a young girl, acting sickly you’d tell her call for your husband, she’d smile laughing lightly “Yes Lady y/n, but I’ll do ny best to convince him it’s urgent.” You’d smile at her before she’d rush off, her shows would vary depending how she’d sense Sukuna’s stats of mind. If it were serious, annoyed or aggressive manor, she’d try to approach respectfully, head bowed explaining how you had sent her to retrieve him in urgency because your weren’t feeling well.

There would go Sukuna rushing to your side to find you shivering thinking you were sick without thought he’d placed his hands on you using his reverse cursed technique to heal you of whatever it could be. Only for you to guide his hand to your face still shivering, “Hold me… I’m cold.” He heart was racing thinking you were cold because you were gonna pass, he scooped you up, pressing you against his chest and dragging the heavy embroidered blanket to cover you more, “how are you feeling?”

He’d walked over to the fire place in the room, two of his arms under the blanket holding you close to him, your head on his chest and shoulder. The other two securing the blanket around you as he SAT ON THE GROUND INFRONT OF THE FIRE PLACE. Your hands coming out the blanket to pull his hand and rest it against your face, “I’m healthy, it’s just cold.” You looked helplessly up at him when he looked at you in disbelief, but you smiled and shook his head, “Scared the shit out of me woman!” You pinched your cheek and you whined, “I have an excellent lady in waiting, she needs higher reward.”

Sukuna scoffed, before resting his chin on your head, “Don’t expect this to become a regular request.”

It became a regular request, one he found himself to enjoy that he had Uraume bring something similar to a love seat for him to recline back on so he could lay you against his chest. It happened more than a few times when you’d fall asleep against his chest and he’d slowly fall into slumber after locking his arms around you. More than enough time Uraume and your ladies in waiting had walked in and giggled at the scene before waking Lord Sukuna to suggest moving to let you rest in the bed now that the sun had set and the room was warm.

The it changed when Yuji was born. There were days he eagerly pushed you off to hold his boy on his chest to keep him warm, of course you were jealous that was your husband :’)

I’m the end, your husband always tried to act indifferent and cold, but his heart was warmed by the love, affection and intimacy he had come to know when his fate had become intertwined with you and your son

.

🤍❤️🖤🖤❤️🖤🖤🤍🖤🖤❤️🖤🖤❤️🤍

Forgot the Tag list 🫣 this is the “Squishy” Tags List as saved in my notes :’)

@sad-darksoul @cyder-puff @domainofmarie @satorisgirl

[musedblues]

AMORE ~ FATI (part 1)

a/n: wait until the movie? nah. haven't stopped thinking about this freaky fucker since the trailer dropped! eat up, babes. also the horny police called and there is a warrant out for my arrest.

description: after winding up in a crime related to the royals, geta strikes up a deal with you.

warnings: down right hoe shit, sexual descriptions, gruesome descriptions, minimal historical research/ distant memories from high school test, cliff hanger. MINORS DNI

Part 1 of 2 (at least)

///

The afternoon was like any other, the day your life changed. You awoke to an empty home, gathered your cart of crafts, and headed to the stalls. You sold your paintings there and begged the clouds to cover the swelter of the sun.

For your landscape art, you accepted coin. You accepted food. You accepted a jeweled ring that afternoon, just as well. An exchange like it wasn't out of the ordinary. You pawned the adornment for cash that evening, and made the trek back home. With plans to paint pictures into the night, to sell off the next day.

Your home was quaint, once big enough for two, now only you haunted the halls. The man you'd once been forced to marry had been dead for many months now, and a certain freedom was found in his absence. But a certain monotony about your routine seemed to predetermine the days ahead as far as you could see them. So, you painted.

As you fiddled with brushes and stained your grey dress with speckles of deep amber, a bursting knock came across your door. The guest gave you no time to greet them before turning into an intruder. Two royal guards burst into your home, shouting and grabbing you and dragging you away. All so quickly.

You went fighting. You cursed as they held you in a carriage. You demanded their silence broken. But they remained stone faced as you begged to know why you'd been abducted from your home. 

Your captors rode into the city, past the colosseum, right through the gates that led to the home of the reigning family.  Your heart hammered in fear, knowing what you knew about the rulers. Caracalla and Geta had only just taken over the reign of their father, their mother looming near, picking sides; as you understood. Since the change in leadership, Rome hadn't suffered en mass. But a growing dread hung heavy over the population, knowing the brothers were struggling to join together in power. Knowing their clash divided not only their power, but all of Rome.

You were grabbed at once more, forced out of the carriage and into the great hall of the estate. Gold and red statues lined the entrance. A plum rug stretched before your feet, a welcoming cushion as the rest of your senses were drowned by harshness. Before you, pacing near his throne, Geta waited. 

You'd seen him and his brother before, trailing behind their father at rallies. Lingering near the stands at games. You'd always let your gaze settle on Geta, if ever you'd seen him. You'd always been drawn to gawk at the trimness of his figure. The enigmatic expressions he would pull. The presence he commanded. He was easy to admire, from afar. And the towns ladies often gossiped of how alluring he could be up close, if they were lucky enough to be invited to do so. No one spoke as much of Caracalla. In his name, fear and loathing often followed.

With a glare in your direction, Geta ceased pacing. He nodded toward his guards to relinquish their hold on you.

"What is all this?" You demanded, refusing to bow or humble yourself before this ruler in anyway. How could you dare offer up respect when little to none had been offered to you? Geta seemed taken aback, for a flash. His brows furrowed and his lips parted in shock, at your boldness. But then a grin flickered across his lips and his pacing started up once more.

"You're in possession of something of mine, no?" Geta alluded. Want as you might've to argue, to proclaim your innocence, you were too baffled. What could he possibly be on about?

"You were seen taking a ring as payment today, at your stall." Geta boomed, voice filling the room, echoing off the tall painted ceilings. He started into a story, then, that made things clearer. You learned that ring was a family heirloom, stolen by a servant only one night ago. That he'd sold it to a carriage driver for freedom. You learned that servant had been slain. But the ring was still gone. And you were the last person seen with the distinct bluish jewel in your palm. There were many a shopper along the street market this morning. Several were looking into your stall as you accepted the ring for payment. You couldn't deny the action. But you didn't have it any longer, anyhow.

"I exchanged it for money. With the sellers near the river." You decidedly conceded. "I've got nothing more to do with this now release me." Your voice shook, out of fear for your fate, and anger for your circumstance. 

"Names." Geta stalled his meander, a few steps away from you. His dark eyes had cast across your figure before boring right into yours. You couldn't look right at him without feeling a shiver up your spine. And you were not about to let on that Geta had this effect on you. So, you cast your gaze to the hands at his sides, and scoffed at what you saw.

"Why? Are the rings already on your fingers not good enough? You cannot be allowed to want for what you don't have, if you're in possession of more than enough already."

"What's mine is mine! No one else's." Geta yelled, keeping his eye's boring into yours. His voice shook through the halls, and fueled your rage further. Your rage for your circumstance, and for that of this nation.

"Your greed shall poison this empire." You spat at the man.

"An empire I was born to rule cannot be soured, destiny has been at work since my conception and my father's before me." Geta grinned, an all-knowing sort of smile that was meant to belittle you, you were certain. But you couldn't be made to feel so worthless.

"We are all born to die, your highness."

"Your opposition will result in bleakness if you do not answer my call for this information. Give me their names." Geta shouted, still inches from you. Geta was giving you a chance to answer. And that shocked you. You voiced your opposition only because you thought you were surely moments away from being killed, and refused to die without standing your ground. But here you still stood. Geta was letting you. 

As taken aback by his patience as you were, his arrogance and demanding shouts were only deepening your desire to withhold. To stand resolute. Who were you to ruin some poor people's lives over a bit of jewelry? Your silence was deafening, each passing moment tensing at Geta's shoulders. You watched his jaw clench, you watched his eye's dance between your own. You smiled. 

"Get her out of my sight." Geta hissed, waving his men to capture you once more. You rolled your eyes as they grabbed at you. "Keep her in the cellar until she starts talking. Do not, however... take drastic measures."

You shot a perplexed frown the rulers way as he shook his head in your direction. A scowl turned Geta's lips down. But as he watched you begin to growl in unwillingness to go, his smile curled to life.

"And what of you? What punishments are you allotted?" You yelled as the guards dragged you away. Geta kept his furrowed smirk pointed at you, a puzzled sparkle in his eye.

///

The cellar smelled damp as it felt, your feet squelching along the dirt paths. You'd been taken past a row of prisoners, all in various stages of wither. You closed your eyes too them, offering silent prayers for their fates in passing. 

"In you go," A guard shoved you toward the back of a small cell, chuckling as he locked the barred off door. "When you're ready to talk, we just might be around to listen. Let's hope we don't forget about you all the way over in this corner."

How had you ended up here? Hours ago, you'd been at peace in your quiet cottage, paint brush in hand. Now you sat on a wooden bench, senses filled with cold. How were the gods so cruel? Why did you have to accept that stupid ring? Why didn't you admire it longer? Maybe you would've found evidence of its owner, somehow, in the royal gleam of the thing. Maybe you could have returned it with honor, the promise of your home awaiting you. But none of that was happening. Now, you were unsure of everything. But you weren't going to go down without a fight. You weren't going to rat out the innocent fellow you pawned with, for simply surviving another day of this confounding life. You weren't eager to play into the rulers demands for more, as if he didn't have enough. As if he deserved to be granted assurance when himself and his brother offered Rome none.

Hours must've passed. Guards floated by time and again, jeering at you through the bars of your cell. As they passed you by, the voices grew louder yet, giving other prisoners hell. You heard shouts and screams. You heard begging for torture to cease. You heard the stabbing of flesh and the gurgle of blood. You heard the quiet from your own cell. Why were you being spared of such treatment? Why was your confinement different from the others?

As you began to question your own sanity, and the fate the gods had in store for you, a guard was passing by your cell once more. He stopped there, jamming a key into the lock. This was it. Your turn had come. You braced to be berated as the man reached in and yanked you to stand. The guard demanded you to follow as he dragged you through the cellar the same way you'd come in.

Suddenly you were in the great hall again. The purple carpet like clouds under your step. There were servants arranging decor as if an event were to be taking place soon. Your observation of the hall was short lived as the single guard dragged you up a marble staircase. The home was vast, and full of well painted statues and portraits and windows. The sun was long gone from the sky. It had to be later than midnight. As you soaked up your surroundings and let your imagination run wild, you tried not to worry how you'd be executed. You tried to remind yourself that death waited for no one. You tried to remember the last picture you'd been painting, a field of sheep under a setting sun.

Your captor stalled before a great carved door, twisting the handle. Your captor dragged you inside. 

Candles lit a room with a bed in the middle, the biggest you'd ever seen. The amber glow of the space was welcoming, despite the terror that resided about your situation. Beyond the bed was a table full of wine, bottles of all sort decorated the clothed stand. Before the table, was Geta. His slump on a stool shifted when he saw you. Moving to stand, the man dressed more scarcely than before was slow to approach you. His expression unreadable.

"Leave us." He demanded, pointing the guard to exit the room. The man's parting left chills in his wake. What was to become of you now? What was this all about?

Geta did not stay still at your front. He instead let his head roll from one side to the other as his pace turned back toward the cloth covered table. Among the bottles of wine were a scattered few chalices. He filled one with a drink. And then another. 

"We caught the carriage driver who initially accepted the ring." Geta announced, back toward you all the while. You admired the tone of his shoulders, as one was left uncovered by his robe. The cloth stayed tied among his waist. "We also captured the man you pawned the ring off to. We have the ring." Geta continued, bringing both cups of wine over to where you stood. Ah, so poison was to be your execution?

Accepting the chalice in a fist, you stayed silent all the while. Geta locked his tired gaze on yours and kept talking. 

"The ring was my fathers. Something he left just to me. Caracalla was given finery as well, just for himself. We do not do well with equity, my brother and I." Geta raised his wine for a sip and kept his dark gaze locked on your own. His eye's were red from lack of sleep, it seemed. His eyes were bright, all the while, as they peered into yours. This leader had a way of drawing you in. This leader had a way of making you forget you were probably on the verge of slaughter or worse.

"And while this mission to hunt down the ring has been my mission alone, Caracalla's wrath has still been promoted since he learned something of our fathers had gone missing." Geta explained. 

"What's become of the carriage driver and the man I sold your ring to?" You dared to wonder. 

"The servant was killed as you know, by Caracalla's own sword. The driver has been exiled at my command." Geta said. "But the man you sold it too was killed as well, by my brother's guards. Before I could get to him. You see my wrath is often equal to Caracalla's. But my bloodlust isn't as insatiable. And I can see his way of violence has stirred fear among our people. Would you agree?"  

You had to nod. 

"I do not wish death upon you. Blood should only be shed in battles and in honor. You were a simple moving part. You should not deserve to be killed in the crossfire. But you should pay for stumbling where you dared not have stepped. Otherwise, Caracalla will catch wind that I let you slip away without a punishment. And he will do worse."

"So, what is my fate?" You wondered, clutching the wine in your fist, unmoving. Mind whirring. Had you really been shown a backhanded kindness by the ruler you'd always believed to be more unyielding? His already alluring nature becoming more attractive as you understood this to be true.

"Exile seems drastic, yes. But it's an option." Geta raised his glass to gesture, moving to pace before a cushioned chaise. This room, his room, wanted for nothing. There was space and comfort and treasure promised throughout its expanses.

"Then there could be a fine. You'd be meant to pay every fortnight." Geta reasoned drinking once more. Still not entirely trusting of your own wine, you rested the chalice on a nearby chest, crossing your arms with a scowl. As if this Empire needed more money. 

"I'm too poor to keep that up." You spat, expressing displeasure in your tone. Geta raised a brow and frowned when he realized your implication, how much work needed to be done for the betterment of the population. With a sigh, Geta cast his gaze about the room. When his pace turned naturally closer to you, his eye's locked on your face as a realization dawned across his. Geta let a smirk hint at his lips as his dark eyes glanced into yours. 

"There is... another way..." Geta implied something you didn't see coming. As the man continued his languid back and forth, his gaze stayed ever fixed on your figure. And you hadn't really been ashamed of the glances you'd stolen of his, this day. He was drawing closer, as if to entice you. He didn't need to know that it wouldn't have taken much seduction. He didn't need to know that you'd already been wondering what it would be like to untie the robe at his waist.

Geta didn't need to know that you were becoming less wrought with terror by the second. You'd hoped he'd never known you were afraid, before. But now, in the flickering candlelight of his lavish room, you saw him. The persona Geta had put on all these years, all this time, was just that. You could see plain as day. Geta was full of anger, yes. But he seemed full of so much more, to you, now, too. The man seemed to hold a brewing mixture of depth about him that felt so obvious all of a sudden. Now, more endeared to the ruler, and just as attracted, you made up your mind.

"Seeing as I have no funds... let's just get this over with." You sighed, feigning impatience for the wrong reasons.

Geta circled you, eyeing you up. You wanted to melt under how hot his gaze was. But right now this was all happening far too slowly. Your interest had skyrocketed. But your time had also been heavily wasted here. You had plans, after all. He'd held you captive long enough. 

"Sit down. I'm tired of waiting." You barked at him, shoving his shoulder so he collapsed into the chaise. Geta fell seated at your order but looked up to you with an irate sneer. An anger passed over his expression but morphed into curiosity in a blink.

"Seeing as to how I'm getting what I want out of you, I don't mind giving into your demands." Geta announced, as if to remind you he was the one calling the shots. You couldn't help but grin, struggling not to roll your eyes at the man's obsession with power. Humming so he knew you heard him, you settled either knee at Geta's sides. 

As the ruler's fingers reached to grab at your hips, your day flashed before your imagination. Funny how life worked. How days could be spent so monotonously for so long only to become upturned and scattered about the next. You never imagined you'd find yourself straddling one of Rome's emperors over a payment for your latest painting. 

Geta's kiss surprised you. Not the fact that it was bruising, and harsh. But the fact that it was. You assumed this would go quickly, without much effort put into anything besides a quick and vulgar shagging. Granted, his lips didn't press into yours longer than a couple minutes, before his teeth were digging into your neck. But the way his hands wandered to grab at your limbs and claw at your skin was a welcomed affection you had not expected. 

When you finally got to untie the robe around his waist, you couldn't help but admire the build of his core, the shape of his figure. You'd heard girl's oggle over the emperor before, he was no stranger to trysts of most kind. You'd heard girl's trade deadly details of their nights spent with Geta, his lust unbridled. But the sight of his body bare before yours was better than any rumor you'd caught wind of. 

As you lowered yourself into Geta's lap, he was quick to rock his hips against yours with force you had been bracing for. His grip on your hips threatened to turn you over, but you'd be damned if you let him gain complete control. You rose a hand to the man's head, raking a set of fingers through his hair. Your fingers curled to grip with perhaps too much gusto, and your hips rolled to force Geta back, more fully seated. 

You heard the man let out a hoarse curse as his grip lightened, as he accepted your dominance. Did this really count as payment if you were getting more out of it? 

Geta pushed you away when it was all said and done, a steady hand stayed holding your side as he nudged you off of his lap. You maneuvered to stand, adjusting the skirt of your dress with a sigh.

"I suppose I should thank you for sparing my life. Surely thought you'd take it. Shame our exchange has come to an end. Didn't quite feel like a payment at all." A daring smirk painted your face as you turned to head for the door. You heard Geta lumber to stand, perhaps drunk off wine and pleasure. His feet padded as your hand reached for the handle of your escape.

"What was the painting?" Geta asked, stalling your leave and perplexing you to turn to face him. He was shrugging his robe back into place with a raised brow. "The painting bought with my ring, what was it?" 

"Oh," You realized, pursing a frown. "I- I don't exactly recall. I do a lot of landscapes. Seascapes. Could've been anything like it." You noted. Geta watched you speak, mouth opened, stalled to say more. His tongue glided over the ends of his teeth as the man nodded and sauntered back toward his table full of wine. 

"My guards will see to your return home." Geta called, back facing you. You took that as your leave, anxious for some rest after exhausting your mind with wonder all day, and your body with pleasure this night. As you shut the emperor's door with a soft click, a gratitude filled your chest. That could've gone a lot worse.

///

The next day seemed surreal. You recalled the night like a fevered dream, like a plot from a book. But there were scratches along your thighs that reminded you what had happened was very truly real. You recalled the feelings Geta stirred in you with warmth.

You milled from room to room, mind in constant awe of the way your life had been spared. Since the brothers had come into power, so many senseless killings had been threatened and followed through. So much violence had afflicted common criminals and the odd person out of place alike. Was it more to do with Caracalla? Was he truly the more cruel? Did Geta have a softness about him? Or had you just gotten damn lucky?

You went about your daily chores and sat down to paint. Your art displayed sheep dotting across greyish green land. Your setting sun was in progress. A breeze flowed through the window, and you imagined it in your painting as well. A knocking rattled your door. It's persistence grating your nerves. Only now, at least, no one was intruding. 

Maybe that's why you were shocked more so now than before, to see two royal guards at your front door. 

"Geta is demanding your audience." One of them chuckled lowly before reaching to grab at you. He was too strong to fight off, though kick and yell you did.

Oh God, he'd realized he'd let you off easy, hadn't he? You should've pretended to hate rocking against his lap in that chair. You should've begged for freedom. Or maybe it was Caracalla after all. Maybe he'd heard of your involvement with his father's stolen ring and wished you dead. And these guards were luring you in with a false promise that Geta was the one wishing for a meeting.

While your mind raced, and the carriage took off into the city and passed the colosseum, you cursed the guards for dragging you away again. For being such fowl scum of the earth to manhandle women like they did.

It wasn't long before you were being yanked from the ride and marched into the great hall with that luscious purple carpet underfoot. Geta was there, assessing a scroll with a couple of servants nearby. His shock surprised you, when his glance looked up from the papers. 

As you squirmed against the holds the guards kept on you, Geta shoved the scroll he held onto, into the grasp of a servant. He drew his sword from his side, the instrument of war and horror blinding you in its brightness. The emperors stomp in your direction was quick, his footfall shaking the building and you to your core. This was it. This was your fate.

"Release her now!" Geta yelled, directing his fury to one of the guards at your side. Before the words fully formed from the man's mouth, either of the guard's grips had unlatched from your arms. You did not see that coming. You almost couldn't comprehend that his blade had missed piercing straight through you.

"You were gone for all of a few seconds before you bring her back here?" Geta quizzed, face red with anger. He held the end of his sword to the man's chin, forcing his footsteps back. 

"You- you told us to go fetch the girl from last afternoon, is that not what we did your highness?" The guard was bold in asking, though his voice trembled. 

"I told you to ask her to come. I told you to remain at her door in patience. And you dare drag the woman back in the matter of mere moments? With force? That's a direct disregard of my orders!" With speed that rallied a gasp from your throat, Geta whipped his sword to slash at the knees of the guard that defied him. The man let out a cry as his legs gave way, sending the fellow to collapse. Geta ordered the other guard to take the injured one to a medic and stay there until he was ready to deal with them further. His blood pooled and stained the purple carpet. 

"Why am I here again?" You couldn't linger in uncertainty any longer, once again failing to greet the leader without any respect of his authority. Geta plunged his red stained sword into its sheath as he demanded his servants get out. The workers scattered at the sound of his command, scurrying toward exits. The room was filled with quiet as Geta turned to face you fully. 

"I'm sorry they dragged you here. You were only meant to show up if you so wished." Geta's voice was lower, his rage subdued. He confounded you, the way he held so much darkness and contempt about him. The way he eased into constraint. These were not the stories you had heard. This was not the man described to you by retired servants and wives of soldiers. He was more withheld, before you. And it caught you by surprise time and again. 

"But since you are here now, and you have not yet raised a hand to lash across my cheek, I shall tell you," Geta went on, letting his eyes do what they had done before. Letting his gaze sweep across your figure. "I asked you here to present to you a proposition. An invitation to spend more evenings like the one we shared just before."

"You cannot be serious." You let a breath of a laugh fan from your throat. 

"I'm hardly ever anything but." Geta reasoned with a curled lip and a shrug of his shoulder in a way you knew was meant to get you to chuckle for real. This man continued to confound you. This man contained multitudes. How had no one else, in all their gossip, mentioned this?

"Is this more to do with payment? Did our exchange not suffice?" You reasoned, still uncertain of the terms in which Geta was asking. 

"I think you know exactly how well our exchange sufficed. Well enough for me to not have stopped dreaming of doing exactly that time and time again. I'm merely asking because I wish too." Geta was so close, his breath ghosting across your cheek, his eyes searching yours. "And now you get to decide what you wish. Who am I to deny you a choice?"

"What happens should I turn to leave?" You wondered. 

"A guard would take you home. And with fair treatment, I'd make certain." 

"What happens should I stay?" 

"A servant would take you upstairs. And your imagination could fill in the rest." 

Well, this certainly wasn't how you expected your day to turn out. That painting of all the sheep and the sunset would have to wait another long day. You suddenly couldn't dream of plans outside of those featuring Rome's half reigning emperor. 

With a nod toward the door you'd seen Geta's servants go through, he grinned. 

With footsteps more certain of the direction of his room, you found yourself locked in there, waiting.

///

The next weeks were filled with plans you couldn't tell anyone without fear they'd think you'd gone mad. You spent days milling about the stalls to sell your landscape paintings, careful of the payments you accepted. You'd harvest the fruits from your garden for meals and wait until night fall, when your promised escort arrived.  

Nights were spent in Geta's room, on his floor, against his wall, in that blessed chaise. Nights were spent shoving the emperors head into the pillows as your hips rocked together. Nights were spent demanding he speed up and slow down at your desire. Nights were spent with Geta sharing wine in between drawn-out romps. You'd drink and laugh and carry on, a couple times until the sun peaked dimly into a new day. You'd stay drinking, sharing stories about where you had come from and your hardships. Things you'd hardly spoken of before. Things you couldn't believe Geta would listen so intently to.

It started off as only a few times throughout any given week. But at the end of those nights Geta would always ask about the next. You'd offer up a day or a time and he'd promise you that he'd see to it happening. He would pour you more wine and tell you the dirtiest jokes, and ask what pleased you most before those nights ended. 

But after a while, he stopped asking. And your escort showed up outside your door more nights than most. And it became a rather expected part of the schedule of either of your days.

This night as you padded across the purple carpet, following behind a servant you'd come to trust; a ruckus was sounding from the stairwell you headed toward.

There you found Geta and his brother spitting fowl words in one another's direction. The men were swarmed by guards, ready to take on any outcome of the boys spat. And while they argued about political things you weren't privy to the full details of, you understood they spoke their father's name. You heard Caracalla remind Geta that their father had decidedly upped Rome's soldiers pay to ensure their loyalties to the empire. You heard Geta shout something about how his father was dead, how the brothers needed to learn to ensure loyalties in their own manner. And then he noticed you had arrived. 

"Thank God." Geta seethed, waving his brother off, taking the stairs two at a time to lower himself to greet you. 

"For you, Geta, trust is easily earned, isn't it?" Caracalla shouted, still domineering about the stairs. "A bat of your lashed eyes toward any common whore and they come flooding through our halls." Caracalla cast a snarl in your direction that turned Geta's blood so hot you swore you could feel the smoke coming off him. With a decidedly quick hand, you rested your fingers to grip Geta's arm, stopping him from running up the staircase to rip his brother in two. You didn't care so much what Caracalla thought of you, so long as Geta's opinion remained unchanged.

"But my powers of persuasion are not so charming. And I must demand trust more harshly. And I must remain harsh to keep control. And I do control the half of this empire entrusted in my name!" Caracalla was seething, fists balled at his sides, eyes bulging with rage. You'd never known anyone to be fueled by such negativity. Geta had slowly started toward his brother, letting your grip remain on his arm. 

"We'll reach an agreement. But not till morning. Go back to your side of the estate, now." Geta demanded, taking the staircase slowly, keeping his eyes on his brother. The younger one stood shaking with fury as the elder led you to his room. Guards and servants followed, wordlessly seeing the pair of you behind closed doors. A couple of soldiers usually waited on either end of this hall, but tonight a few more lingered near in addition. These boys really hated each other.

Once locked in his room, safe from rage and question, Geta had you pinned against the wall. He'd usually greet you. He'd usually ask about what paintings you'd sold that day, or if you'd had any great stories of your family before they sold you to a husband. Or of your husband before he died. But tonight, Geta was ravenous. Tonight, he moved more accordingly to the rumors you'd once heard about him.

The emperor didn't fuss with your clothes. He didn't give you time to unravel his either. No sooner than his hand had crept up the skirt of your dress, was he rocking his hips into yours, pounding your back against the wall.

Your nails clawed at the back of his neck and your legs curled to flex around his waist. Geta was relentless as his body hammered into yours. He huffed harder with each new pulse and let out some cursed sighs when your teeth pierced into his shoulder, to keep from screeching all the same. You knew the guards could hear from the hall. But they didn't need to hear more than they had too.

His efforts had ended, his face stayed buried in your neck. But you weren't ready for it to cease.

"You think you're finished? You're only just getting started." You barked, pawing at Geta's head and forearm, shoving him downward. He didn't hesitate, his knees cracked to the floor with force you knew had to hurt. But he didn't seem phased. Geta seemed entirely entranced on bending your knee over his shoulder. Scratching his fingers along your skin. Burying his head between your legs. And he did so consciously, like a duty being fulfilled. He was relentless tonight, and you felt lucky to be relented against.

When your pleasure had ended, and you were left to slide from the wall to find footing, you found the wine too. 

"Well, I can't help solve Rome's problems," You began, pouring you each a drink. "But I hope I've just helped solve some of your own, your highness." You half mocked, but half spoke in well-meaning regard. Geta hummed somewhere behind you. His voice sounded nearby. But his hands fell to close the space between you, gripping at the hilt of your hips. 

"Dunno, might need to try a couple more times." You could hear the smile in his tone, and you felt his sultry chuckle against your neck, where he nearly dared to place a kiss, but didn't. Geta only reached ahead for his chalice, and asked about your day.

///

 You didn't need to sell paintings. You could've lived a basic enough life, fed from the food you grew in your garden, rested from the comfort of your own bed. Secure enough in your late spouses left over finances. 

You had known married life for all of five years. Wed before you'd even turned old enough to know better. All because your parents thought it best. They said you'd been sold to a husband to take care of you, in the long run. He did care for you, in his own twisted way. He kept you fed and housed until he died. And he left all his meager earnings to you in his passing. It wasn't much, but it was enough for you, for now, for a while.

You started painting when you moved in with him, to fill the days that dragged on so endlessly. You dreamed of freedom from the man for so long. And kept painting when he died, to fill those same days that were just as endless and a lot quieter to boot. He'd left you all alone in the expanses of the great wide world, yet freedom seemed even more unobtainable to you then, somehow. So, you painted. And decidedly started selling those paintings when the house filled up without room for any more of them. You kept selling them when you realized how eagerly peers bought from you.

You'd made friends down at the stalls. You found a quaint routine there, waiting in the sun to trade paintings for coins, and chattering with townspeople while the mornings stayed young. Bakers and seamstresses and writers alike shared your routine, all becoming familiar faces you were pleased to see each day.

"Goodmorning, you!" A trio of girls your age came giggling your way. Girls you'd invited over a few times. Girls you were happy to see now. 

"Listen, are you going to the games in three day's time? I'd like us all to twirl about the colosseum buzzed on vino, carefree!" The small brunette leaned across the table your art was displayed on. 

"She just wants to go to wait on Geta, afterward. He always invites girls in after the games." The blonde rolled her eyes, leaning against the post of your stall as you chuckled in understanding, and out of sudden apprehension. You and Geta agreed to your trysts because he trusted how discreet you could be. When you refused to bend your will to give the names of the people you pawned his ring to, he admired that. You couldn't give yourself away, now.

"But haven't you heard?" The redhead leaned in, waving you all to listen closer. "Geta hasn't invited any of the girls that wait at the empire gates in, in weeks." 

You'd often trailed in past that very line of girls in question, much to their growing displeasure. Luckily, none of them were from the side of the country you had resided. None of them could spread your name around in whispers, as they did not know it.

"I'm still eager to take my chances." The brunette joked, going on to beg you to come to the games at the colosseum.

"I don't know." Was the best answer you could give without disappointing your friends, or thinking up a messy lie on the spot.  

///

Another night in Geta's room was unusually spent in his bed. You'd been used to being forced against a chest of drawers, his voice growling in your ear. Or yours demanding the emperor sit on the stool before the table of wine, and wait in agony like a good, obedient, merciful ruler.

But tonight, Geta had you moving slower in his sheets. He'd closed his eyes as your hips rocked atop his, nice and easy. And when he reached to flip you over, his core pierced languidly into yours. His hand brushed across your cheek and his eyes stayed steadily locked on yours.

"Are you feeling quite alright?" You couldn't help but worry, too overcome with the silence that fell about the room. Geta had been resting at your side, his finger tracing the same pattern against your stomach forever.

"What if you stayed, tonight?" The ruler asked, after a while.

"You didn't answer my question. You realized, still confused as to what mood you'd found Geta in tonight. You'd been often surprised by his wit and his resolution. But this wasn't a way you'd known the emperor before. 

"You didn't answer mine either." He pointed, finger still dancing across the skin of your abdomen. You turned your head to find Geta's gaze. His head rested on a pillow at your side, his eyes rolling up to lock with yours. His dark brown stare was illuminating. His curls graced his head so delicately. His silence was so reticent this night. Maybe it was the fact neither of you had had any wine.

"I'll stay if you tell me what's going on in that head of yours." You shot a pointed look to the man at your side who let a lifeless smile flash across his lips as his eyes turned away from yours. Silence filled the room once more, but you got the sense that Geta was choosing his words a while. 

"Nothing... none of this is how I thought it would be." Geta spoke. You kept your eyes cast across his amber lit room, fixating on the pattern of the wallpaper. What did he mean? 

"What's this?" You quizzed. "Ruling an empire? Sleeping with me? Sobriety from wine for a night?" You tried to joke, desperate for some kind of clarity.

"None of it." Geta responded, his inflection implying everything you listed was weighing on his mind then. And that surprised you. He was always surprising you. Silence settled yet again, and stayed for a while. It was Geta who broke it, after so long. He sat up to meet your eye, searching your gaze before offering a nod. You nodded back, knowing that meant your promise to stay here had been sealed. He rose from the bed to dim the candles, and crashed back into it with a sigh. 

When Geta rested his head of golden curls on your chest, in the dark and quiet of his room, you finally understood what he meant. This was all very different now, than it started. None of it had turned out in an expected way. But you felt at ease with it all. You hadn't shared a bed with anyone since your late husband, and those times simply did not count in your mind. You did not care for that man as you had come to care for the one laying against you now. And that dawned on you in fear. But then, a realization that it didn't matter. Not now. Now, you got to rest under the weight of the emperor, for one peaceful night.

///

The next morning was bright and felt early in your bones. And it wasn't long before it hit you, the games were meant to happen today. Geta's stirring at your side was a relished wonder, as his smile widened to see you upon waking. But it all came crashing down as servants and soldiers demanded quick work of getting up and ready for the day of events. 

"It will be too hard to send you away now, with all the crowds starting to gather." Geta realized, peering from the window of his room to the public below. "I'll have some appropriate attire sent for you. You shall join us today." The emperor's smile was bitten back, but you saw it reached his eyes as his looked into yours. 

Things were shifting with Geta. Night's were turning into days with him. Festivities were offered to be shared. You knew better than to ask. You knew better than to wonder why. You simply thanked him for his offer and waited for clothes to change into as the leader headed out of his room, yelling for a guard to hurry along and follow. You milled about Geta's room, admiring the wallpaper in the daylight. Admiring the stained glass of his window. You traced your finger along carved chests and bed posts. You dared to open a drawer, finding a collection of jewelry there, a familiar blue stoned ring at the front of the collection. 

You snapped the drawer shut in a hurry when a knock came across the door. 

"Hello." A familiar face entered. Julia, the Emperors mother, twirled in the room with a stack of garments. "These are mine from seasons past. I brought a few, just in case." The woman was dear, with soft curls that matched her sons, gold earrings that brightened her blue eyes. She smiled and introduced herself as if she needed too. For her, you bowed.

"Such a pretty thing, you are." Julia cooed, resting her clothes at the foot of the emperor's bed before turning to consider you. "I've seen you come and go. Quite the feat to boast over. Geta never struggled to make friends, not like Caracalla. But he has failed to keep so many of them."

 Julia kept a studying gaze on you as you thanked her for her kindness and watched her saunter out the door. The woman told you to meet the family downstairs once you readied yourself. That's when a certain anxiety settled in the pit of your stomach. What was this? What had you gotten yourself into? Worry plagued your mind as you squeezed into a bright blue and plum skirt. The fabric hugged at your figure but fell so elegantly to the floor. You never dreamed of such finery adorning you. You'd never dreamed of a life so different from the one you'd been used to living.

Downstairs, everyone had gathered, gearing up to head out. Guards of every kind kept the ruling brothers on either side of the room while Julia flitted about, laughing with a man you didn't know. Senators and councilors seemed to mingle with the family just as well, their wives and children patiently lingering on the outskirts of the gathering. 

When Julia found you descending the stairs her first greeting after a smile was to tell you how perfectly the dress fit, how powerful you seemed entering the room. She said you held a certain presence about you, keeping a watchful eye on your expression as you gushed to thank her for such continued kindness.

And then you were off, trailing with the wives and the children of the party as the royal family presented themselves before the public. They were loved and hated so that the cheers and boo's from the crowd muddled together in an indistinguishable roar. Your heart pounded to realize how close you were to the action of the day, to realize how viscerally the opinion of the public mattered to the fate of the royals.

You watched Caracalla pull some face, pointing a finger at a citizen who cursed his name on the families walk toward the colosseum. You watched women line themselves along the path Geta walked, his politics be damned. You watched as he turned to look back, smile stretching wider as his eyes found yours. You watched then, as Julia stalled to join your side, and failed to calm the quickening of your heart as she held your arm to walk with you. None of this was how it used to be.

The woman leaned in, explaining exactly how today's games were meant to go. She yammered about the history of it all and pulled a few giggles from your throat as she threw in some personal deadly details about old games she'd bore witness too.

Once you'd all reached the colosseum, the brothers were ushered off to find their royal box, while Julia strategically placed you just outside of there. She frowned when she reminded you could not be allowed to join them further than here, but smiled when she hoped you'd enjoy the day's events. You watched her saunter off, stopping a guard and pointing in your direction before she disappeared in the box all the while. The guard locked his gaze with yours, offering a respectful nod as you considered your surroundings. 

All kinds of vendors and stalls were open around every entrance of the arena. All kinds of people wandered about, sampling food and drink, playing cards at tables until the event's kicked off. You decidedly began to wander about, accepting free samples and smiling to people you'd seen in passing. You shielded your eyes from the sun and noticed that guard trailing nearby, keeping a steady eye on your every move. 

When the crowds began to clamor toward the inside of the arena, you realized the games were about to begin. You downed a free sample of wine and found your way to watch from afar. Caracalla and Geta were announced in, and greeted with that same muddled roar of praise and disregard. You watched as Geta ate up the attention. You watched as Caracalla fought against it, spitting and arguing with some poor guard in the box. There was something so volatile in the air, as if one wrong move from either of the emperors would unleash havoc. The public was only one excitable realization away from realizing their joined forces could rip the royals from limb to limb. Geta was quick to shift focus to the games, demanding the publics energy be reserved for the battles that were begun, turning the spotlight away from himself. It was a tactical move, but you worried if he and his brother did not change the course of their political actions soon, no amount of pantomime could save them.

Another few swallows of wine helped ease your nerves, all the while. You'd forgotten how on edge the public had only just seemed. You'd been entranced by Geta's presence even from so many miles away. His distraction's had worked wonders on the crowd, his excitable reactions to the winners and losers kept the arena entertained for the better, for now. He kept you entertained all the while. When he would tear his gaze from the games every once and a while, you liked to imagine he was looking for wherever you might've been.

When you wandered off to find more wine, the guard that had been following you stayed back, glued to the battle that was happening. You returned with two cups, to share. The guard tried to deny your kindness but caved with a smile at your insistence to have at least one drink. It was a day of festivities after all. 

"We thought you weren't going to make it!" A voice familiar echoed over your ear. Turning from the view of the battle, you found your friends. You chuckled as you greeted the small brunette, buzzed enough off wine to shrug your nerves away. You couldn't exactly explain how you ended up here, to them. Or how you'd come to dress so finely. But they didn't pester you too much about it, drunk all the same. The girls swarmed you with giggles and hello's and how are you's. 

"Change your mind, have you?" The blonde teased, raising her brow at you. But your mind was too slow to understand why. 

"This is the gate the royals always leave from. Isn't it obvious?" The small brunette pointed, waving her hand to gesture around. When you glanced up, you noticed a particularly increasing population of young women that had begun to collect around the area. Geta always famously exited from this path, and always famously collected a girl or two to follow him back to the royal hall.

"Oh, no, I just sort of-" You stumbled over words, "ended up on this side." How were you to explain this all away? "I actually... should be going now that it's nearing an end. Get home before sun set." This reason sounded good enough in your head to speak aloud, as you began to walk backward, waving to your friends all the while. You spun on your heels, anxious to get away, making up your mind to head home should that be your only sound escape. But you'd barely walked a dozen paces before that guard was gliding close and halting your leave.

"You're not to go. I'm to see you united with her highness when she passes through that exit."

"Is- is that what she ordered?" You asked meekly, looking up to the roman soldier who loomed over you with his bulky build, yet kind eyes. The man did not speak, but lifted a hand to spin you around by the shoulder, placing a gentle palm there to guide you back where you came from. You saw your friends notice, perplexed gaze's settled on your march as you stepped closer to where they'd stayed waiting.

Caracalla was the first one to storm through the arched entrance, scowling at you on his storm toward his chariot. But then, a spectator, too drunk for his own good, began to slur insults to the emperor. The fellow had barely began cursing Caracalla's name, before the ruler stepped close to grab the man by his throat, strong enough to lift him to the tips of his dirty toes. The citizen struggled to breathe, squirming for relief. Caracalla shouted in the man's face, something about knowing better. The ruler let go, the citizen dropped to the floor in a rattled gasp. When Caracalla demanded the guards that followed him, to slaughter the citizen still choking for breath on the ground, you'd had enough.

"Do not do that. Have you such little mercy?" It wasn't to be helped, the way your body and mind worked together to force out a shout. You should have been more afraid of the way Caracalla turned to fix his fiery gaze on you. But rage at the senseless violence was all you could feel. Yet, the guards were already slashing their swords at the belly of the the citizen, so he might suffer still before passing. 

Caracalla stood considering you, longer than you expected. The crowds fell silent, the only noises were the hoarse cries from the dying man. And your heart hammering in place. 

Caracalla moved his look from you, to the guard steady at your side, and back to you. His head shook, and a scoff left his throat. He turned to leave, kicking the man he'd murdered on his exit. Your body shook with panic. Your stomach churned at the realization that you'd escaped yet another royal execution. 

The crowds parted to let Caracalla pass, steering clear of the angry little man. Your friends seemed to think of walking closer to where the guard had stalled you to wait. But their confounded and horrified expressions morphed into something more wonder filled, as their collective eye unfocused from your position. 

You were too busy assessing your friend's questioning gazes to see he'd appeared. But instead, you heard Geta's voice in your ear. 

"I'd say you're lucky he spared you. But I think there are more powerful forces than luck working on your side."  You heard him say. Your friend's gazes had no doubt been locked on the emperor, but soon fell more perplexed onto you, yet again. And then you realized everyone's eyes had shifted to you. The entire crowd that had watched you speak against the vindictive leader just ahead. The same crow that had pushed closer to wait for a scrap of attention from the man that spoke to only you, now, was casting a collective stupefied glare right at you. 

"I'd like to take you away now, but I'll have you wait on my mother. She hasn't stopped bringing up your name since this day has begun." Geta stayed speaking lowly, and you nodded to assure you understood, keeping your nervous gaze cast on the crowd that had fixated their attentions on you. "Do not worry though, tonight we can debrief in more ways than one." 

You had to turn and grin at him then, pleased to see he'd waited to share a smirk with you. He was off no sooner though, parting through the crowd with little acknowledgement their way. Your friends kept their slack jawed gazes set on you as you wondered for a beat about saying something to them. But then Julia was sweeping you away, resting her clutch at the bend of your arm like she'd done before.

They watched you leave, just as everyone had. You shot your friends a quick shrug and an expression you hoped they'd understand meant you'd catch them all up later, if ever you could dream up a good enough fib.

Unlike your journey here, Julia asked all about you on your trek back. You gave thoughtful answers, not daring to spare the truth of your meager life to the woman, but hoping the way you spoke of it would endear you to her somehow. It wasn't like you needed to be adored by Julia. But you did long to be respected in some basic human way, by the royal woman.

///

That evening went on strangely. Caracalla locked himself away in the furthest parts of the halls. No one dared speak about him in his absence. No one had dared to allude to his fury or righteousness at all. Instead, the tone of the evening was rather merry. You shared a meal with a mile long table of strangers, glad all the while to have been welcomed in the celebrations of the day. You gabbed with socialites and senators alike, until one by one they headed for home and bed. Try as you might to take your leave, Julia would not let you. She only kept dragging you from guest to guest to introduce. Until you were the last one standing. Until even Julia had made her exit from the room, Geta too. Leaving you to wait in the parlor until further command. 

A pair of guards stood unmoving near the doors, as you sat at the head of the dirty table. There were plates and glasses and saucers left awry, covered in crumbs for the kitchen maids to come and handle. There was a steady crackling fire on the opposite end of the room. There was wallpaper that didn't put your senses at ease the way the kind in Geta's room often had.

When the sound of the door opening stirred you from blank thoughts, you shifted to stand. Julia was easing into the room, smile and curls soft as ever. Eye's full of a certain kind of knowing. Behind her, Geta followed. His mother spoke your name, as if to grab your attention, as if she didn't already have it. 

"You're not to return home." The woman began, gliding to stall before you. Geta shouldered past her, moving to stand at your side and watching as his mother spoke. "I've noticed you come and go, as I mentioned." Julia went on. "And I've noticed how my son has been less fraught, during the time you've been around. I've heard you speak, and I've seen you command a presence in any room you enter."  

"What are you on about? What is this?" Geta demanded, that brooding gaze of his beginning to darken as understanding evaded him. 

"As good as she has been for you, son, I'm certain she'll benefit our empire just as well." Julia glanced to Geta before her gaze settled unmovably on yours. Your chest filled with the weight of a realization. Your mind buzzed with wonders of her implications. "You will marry in two days time. Enough to spread the news across the public, and plan something grand."

"Marry?" You breathed, feeling your heart hammer in your stomach. 

"You actually don't-" Geta began.

"I actually am watching this empire teeter on the edge of collapse." Julia interrupted Geta, causing his jaw to clench and his brow to darken further than before. "If we do not start moving more intentionally in the direction of change, you and your brother will ruin everything. If you marry this girl, you will marry someone from the very public you've been so often accused of dismissing. This girl is clearly capable of not only earning our family greater public favor. But she would be your bride, and you two together would have a better chance of making sense of this empire than your brother. Caracalla cannot be allowed to overpower your rule, Geta. Do you realize how close that idea is to becoming our reality?" Julia was insistent. "You do not have a choice. This has to happen. For all our fates." She was looking right at you again.

You were shaken, stunned, totally unprepared. Just days ago you were living such a carefree reality, all you knew were paints and pleasure by way of the emperor's hands. But now all of a sudden, all of Rome's fate depended on if you stayed standing here or made a break to sprint for the door.

"Get out." Geta pointed, coldly dismissing his mother. She began to argue back, pleading his name to listen. "Get out! I command it!" Geta was fuming, rage becoming his entire essence. You couldn't help but screw your eyes shut at the boom of his voice. You heard a guard approach to see the royal mother out of the door. She went without a fight, but insisted Geta had no choice, insisting she was already making plans to assure this fate for the both of you. As one guard saw her out of the room, the other followed, leaving you and Geta alone in the room with the ugly wallpaper.

The fire stayed crackling in the corner. The table stayed dirty. Geta began to pace, like he did, hands on his hips, head shaking in an effort to make sense of things. 

"You are quiet." He spoke up, softer than he had spoken all night.

"I am choiceless." You warbled. Hadn't this already happened to you? Hadn't you already been forced to wed a man for the betterment of some kind of future? You thought you'd already paid your dues. You thought freedom was supposed to be promised at some point. You thought you'd had it, just days ago. But even still you were captured by the powers that be. It wasn't like you were opposed to being Geta's bride. But you were rocked to realize it didn't matter what you wanted, in this life. It was just going to keep happening to you, against you, despite you.

You watched as Geta sped up his pace, thinking. His eyes danced as if to keep up with an invisible coming together idea. And then his moving stalled. He rolled his shoulders and let his eyes rake up your figure, like they so often did. Geta's brown stare bore into yours, as if to search for an answer to a question not yet asked.

"You claim to have been born to die." Geta gestured, sauntering closer. "I claim to have been born to rule. But we have failed to consider what there could be to live for. I have reason to believe my answer to living lies within you." His speech was imploring. He meant it. He only ever spoke with authority, by that you weren't surprised. But by his meaning, by the tenderness in it, you were. "As ruler, I shall make the final decision regarding my mother's demands. But... I shall also wait here in silence as you choose your fate. I will command no guard after you should you flee. This time, this wedding, you'll be allowed to choose."

"Should I flee, will there be fines? Will I forever be in your debt somehow?"

"I shall see to it that you owe nothing to this empire if you leave it. But you must leave it entirely, you must go far from here. It's the only way I could make these guarantees."

"Should I stay..."

Geta loomed closer, until his breath fanned across your face. So close you could see the golds speckled across the brown of his eyes. Close enough to kiss.

"I would see to your value." Geta breathed, stalling an inch before you. "Your profile on coins. Your voice heard above others. Your throne... My bed... I'd see to it."

Your heart hadn't stopped pounding since this conversation spun to life. But it beat harder yet, at Geta's tone and implication now.

"Take my hand." Geta held an open face palm before you. "Or turn away." You glanced to the door. 

You considered all that lie beyond it, the quiet, the vastness. The race to the finish line of life would be slow and steady outside these doors. Your freedom would be quiet and lonely. Then you turned to Geta and saw a different kind of future to consider. And then a thought dawned on you. What if the freedom you'd always been in search of, was not just yours alone? What if an entire empires fate had always been pressed into the back of your heart, clear in the front of your mind only now that you understood everything Julia had said. You thought of your latest painting. The one with the sheep and the sunset. You wondered if maybe it was a sunrise all along. 

Your hand flexed, knuckles deciding between clenching and raising up. Until suddenly your palm was in Getas. Until suddenly your fate, and all of Rome's, had been sealed.

///

Part 2 Coming Soon...

[giantkillerjack]

You shouldn't get a wheelchair, walker, cane, shower chair, or any kind of assistive technology mobility aid because then you might become dependent on them. Just like how you also shouldn't get glasses if you have bad eyesight because then you might become dependent on those.

For instance, if you end up stuck using corrective eyewear, you could actually lose your ability to tell what things are even when they are extremely blurry! You need to get used to having migraines from seeing unclearly because if you wear glasses all the time, you are basically giving up!! You don't need to see things coming at you from far away! You just need to get good at dodging, and if you can't, then you have no one to blame but yourself!!

For example, I read a really heart-worming article recently about a girl who was stuck using glasses - just absolutely, tragically trapped in her eyewear from dawn to dusk, even though she was good and never ever complained; and I heard she trained herself to discern the blurry faces of her loved ones with 60% accuracy! - she was even able to walk down the aisle at her wedding WITHOUT forcing the discomfort of seeing a woman in glasses on all her guests!!

Sure, she had to give her vows with a splitting headache, and she couldn't see her husband's expression when he said "I do," but overall, SO inspi-ration-al!!! So up-lifting!!

(She didn't even have to use a seeing eye cane, which would have been the worst-case scenario, obviously, because she worked hard to make sure she looked LESS disabled, not MORE disabled!!! Everyone knows blind people exist solely to be a cautionary tale to sighted people!!)

Also, did you know some people get glasses when they only need them a little bit?? How selfish of them! Sure, there's not a shortage, and an increase in demand would result in overall increased accessibility to glasses--but emotionally it's like taking glasses away from someone who needs them more! After all, if everyone who needed glasses got them, then...... um...... more people would have glasses! Which is probably bad!!!!

I also had a friend who was trapped in glasses who saved up all her money for laser eye surgery, and I don't know why everyone doesn't just do that! Sure, some doctors say some people don't "qualify" and it "won't help" those people, but that's why you can't give up!! You don't want to be one of those people!

After all, what's the worst thing that could happen with an unnecessary laser surgery to the face that comes with crippling debt??? It's worth the risk to gain your FREEDOM back, and I'm so proud of my friend!!

Tragically, she did die later that year while driving Uber and squinting at street signs, but at least now I know my friend is finally free from the shackles of her terrible eyesight. #ripAshley #rippedAshley #justripit 😌😌😌❤😇😇😇

And that's why you shouldn't get used to using a mobility aid!! Because, like glasses, they are inherently embarrassing to be seen with; and - like glasses - it is more noble to suffer silently than to depend on unnatural technologies that force you to rely on them; AND - just like glasses - by abstaining from using them, you DEFINITELY benefit SO many people in tangible life-changing ways!!! (Besides, everyone else will be so much more comfortable if you just look normal! 😊)

I hope you learned something today. 💖