#see i have to read every book i recommend otherwise what's the point you know?

[libraryleopard]

trying to make a list of books i'd recommend to fans of amc iwtv but i've gotten a little lost in the sauce making my own personal reading list and it's getting out of hand at this point

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching reading. Today's choice: 死亡万花筒 / Kaleidoscope of Death.

Kaleidoscope of Death is a 2018 Chinese webnovel about two young men who fall in love while basically playing a whole bunch of horror-themed escape rooms that can for-real kill you.

This novel was gripping. I could not put it down. It started out fun and ended up ripping out my heart several times. It does a good job getting the ball rolling with a series of adventures in weird worlds, then turns into a meditation about grief and loss and what it means to have something to lose in the first place.

This is the first time I've ever done a book rec! I'm doing it in conjunction with a rec post for the Spirealm, and originally I was just going to do this as a bonus section for that post. However, I felt they both deserve whole different posts, because they both have very different things to recommend them. I also think Kaleidoscope of Death a 100% necessary read if you've seen the show, because it provides some context that the show simply cannot include -- but it's not a necessary read before you see the show.

Therefore, I'm going to give you five reasons I think you should sit down with this one, and not a single one of these reasons is going to assume you've watched the Spirealm! The book is great and deserves to be read on its own merits, and then if you then start watching the drama afterwards, so much the better.

1. All the Cross-Dressing

(Yeah, I'm going to punctuate this one with screencaps from the Spirealm, because otherwise it's just a wall of text.)

I'm not going to tell you why the male characters frequently dress and pass as women, since the book explains the practicality of it better than I could. You just need to know that they often do, and it's never not kinda hot when it happens.

When you first meet Ruan Nanzhu, it is as Ruan Baijie, a stunningly beautiful and noticeably tall woman. Lin Qiushi, our POV character who is extremely confused for a number of reasons, spends the first whole arc talking and thinking about Baijie like she's a girl. In fact, one of the cutest things about sweet, earnest Qiushi is that he clocks Baijie several times, and every time he's just like, oh, she's so flat-chested, how unusual for a girl, anyway...

And this isn't even just dressing up! Stepping into the door worlds changes you physically based on your clothing and cosmetics. Nobody inside looks the same as they do outside, and nobody looks the same inside as they did last time they were inside. The rules that govern these transformations aren't even clear to the characters themselves! So, you know, have fun with that.

I'm going to say it's not an out-and-out trans thing, in that we're not dealing with an AMAB egg who will crack someday. Ruan Nanzhu is a very male-identified, penis-having man! He's just also pretty entertainingly comfortable with performing whatever gender makes him the most fuckable person in any given room. Lin Qiushi is not so inherently genderfluid, however, which means that when his gremlin sort-of-boyfriend makes him pretend to be a girl, it's a completely different kink.

Therefore: If you like it in any way when boys dress up like girls, you owe it to yourself to pick up this one. And if you like a fandom that likes it when boys dress up like girls, baby, welcome to the world inside the doors.

2. Those boys GAY

This is a textual romance. Lin Qiushi and Ruan Nanzhu are in love. This is a danmei novel about how they fall in love. There is kissing and there are fade-to-black scenes that explicitly acknowledge that the two of them have sex with one another. We even know that Ruan Nanzhu (usually) tops. This s not just me pointing at them and saying gaaaaaaaaaay. This is actual gay.

And it is gay that takes its fucking time. They do not actually hook up until well over halfway through the book, but they are physically affectionate from almost the get-go. Ruan Nanzhu is such a trickster and a liar that Lin Quishi finds it hard to believe that anything he does is sincere, which leads to nearly lesbian levels of wondering if it means anything when a guy demands you kiss him on the mouth when he's pretending to be your girlfriend. Meanwhile, Ruan Nanzhu is over here being the Kate Beaton comic about sitting here consumed with lust all evening.

Even once they both acknowledge what they're feeling for one another, they don't get together right away. After all, they're playing a game of life and death where they lose friends left and right. Every time someone goes inside the door, there's a real chance they won't come out again. Is giving your heart to someone worth how much it will destroy your entire life when you lose them?

(Yes, says the book. Yes, it is worth it.)

The slow burn of their relationship is delicious, in part because the physical (though not sexual) aspects of it predate the romantic ones. It also has the fun hot-and-cold aspect where Ruan Nanzhu is incredibly affectionate inside the doors, then icy outside of them. Poor completely inexperienced, never-been-kissed Lin Qiushi does not know what to make of any of this. He can barely manage parenting a cat. He does not know how to handle a boyfriend who is also a girlfriend who is also (spiritually) a cat.

I also find it charming how much the gay part of it both is and isn't an issue. It's not that Lin Qiushi has a problem being in love with a man; however, the fact that Ruan Nanzhu is a man does mean the heteronormally indoctrinated and relationship-inexperienced Lin Qiushi takes much longer to realize what exactly those feelings he's having are. The book's world is one where heterosexuality is the assumed default, while queerness is unexpected but everybody's still pretty cool with it. Besides, no one's going to judge Lin Qiushi's gay yearnings, because who doesn't want to fuck Ruan Nanzhu?

3. HAKO ONNA HAKO ONNA HAKO ONNA

So as I was reading through @zintranslations' earlier chapters, I kept seeing translators' notes down at the bottom about being so excited to finally get to the Hako Onna arc. Okay, I thought, this is a lot of hype; I hope it doesn't disappoint.

Friends, it does not. This is the arc I was reading while screaming into a pillow. It's thirteen chapters long, tied for the longest arc in the book with the first door. It is a fucking nail-biter. It does the clever thing of taking all the things you've learned about what can happen inside the doors and combining them for a worst-case scenario.

The setup is pretty simple: There's a bunch of boxes. One has the exit. Most are empty. Some have things that help you. Some have things that hurt you. The more things you find that hurt you, the more things there are to hurt you. And you have to open the boxes.

All the door arcs are pretty well-written, so that you can more or less play along with their various adventures. Hako Onna, however, is exceptional. It's so complicated, but you can actually follow it. And you need to be able to follow it, because the multiple emotional gut-punches that happen in this arc all depend on understanding how the rules of the game have just been leveraged to fuck someone over.

Now I really want to play the board game -- which I was pleased to discover is a real board game! And speaking of board games...

sidebar: Betrayal at House on the Hill

I know this isn't technically related to the novel at all, but if you like board games, horror, and being incredibly dramatic, you owe it to yourself to try out Betrayal at House on the Hill.

It goes like this: You and several other horror-movie archetypes wander through a mansion, "building" it as you explore it, so the game layout is different every time. At some point (and it's based on so many random factors that you never know when it'll be) someone triggers a condition, and the haunting begins. All the players then get the rules of haunting explained to them -- except for one player, the one picked to do the titular betrayal, who gets a different set of instructions and becomes the antagonist. From that point on, the game is about either surviving or completing the haunting, depending on which side you're on.

I have played this game before with normal board game people, and they were like, eh, this is fine. I have also played this game before with theatre kids who RP and LARP, and we all had a fucking blast. So I'm going to warn you that you have to choose your crowd carefully. This is a game for people who do improv and voices.

4. The art of losing isn't hard to master

The book has a high body count -- higher than the show's, in fact, though that's related to how the book also has more characters than the show does. When you meet someone who can go into the doors, be careful how much money you'd lay on their survival.

Death after the doors comes so quickly, too. There's barely any time to say goodbye, if there's even any time at all. Often there's just a phone call telling our main characters that one of their friends or allies or enemies is gone.

Everyone who gets the chance to go through the door worlds is only able to do so because they're dying already. The more doors they pass, the more they get to kick that death further down the road -- but the more doors they enter, the more chances they take that they might die inside one. So really, none of the players can be that resentful of being forced to play a game that can kill them, since they're already playing it on borrowed time.

I will say, somewhat cryptically, that the book has a positive ending that leaves open the possibility for other positive things. The path to that positive ending, though, leads through some pretty wrenching takes on living through grief. It's not even all rah-rah and it-gets-better, either -- the text acknowledges many times over what it means to have someone that life isn't worth living without.

And that's maybe not what you expected from a BL horror adventure webnovel, but it's what you're gonna get! Ha ha!

5. What He Is

Which is the title of the first extra chapter, which is not extra at all, but is in fact a necessary explanatory piece that whacks you upside the head like a two-by-four and recontextualizes the entire story.

...Yeah, that's all you're going to get from me about that. You'll understand when you get there.

Have you put it on your reading list yet?

The way you have to read it is a little convoluted: @zintranslations has chapters 1-17 and 63-end + extras. Taida Translations has chapters 1-62. So no matter where you start reading, you're going to have to switch sites at least once.

There are also apparently Portuguese, Indonesian, Russian, and Spanish translations too? And the original Chinese webnovel, of course. And some audio dramas and subs linked to from this Carrd, which helpfully has other information, like content warnings for specific chapters, in case the horror aspect of the story gives you pause.

Anyway, once you're done reading it -- or even before you're done! -- you should absolutely go watch the Spirealm. I think it's clear from both rec posts that I definitely like the book better, but I appreciate having the drama to bring so many scenes to life, and I think the casting is great. Also, I don't think reading the book makes you like the drama less! Rather, I think reading the book gives you insight into the awkward and sometimes terrible choices the drama had to make to survive -- which in turn gives you the ability to see through those choices, on to what the show always wanted in its heart to be.

I do find it funny how "Kaleidoscope of Death" and "Death's Kaleidoscope" technically mean the same thing, but they sure read different, don't they?

[crimson-kisses]

i just read the "breaking point" story, and i can't help but wonder, what if the s/o, rather than snapping at him (yan! germany) all at once, simply muttered a few snide and sarcastic words every now and then? like imagine he tells them he loves them and s/o saying ily back and then mutters "yeah, i really loved it when you ruined my life's work too." under their breath and then acting like nothing happened, I hope you're doing alright though, and please take care of yourself!

Hmm, I will admit it was rather spontaneous of her to snap such a way. remember though she used to be a lawyer so lol. but your concept is actually more accurate, this would be fun to write. thank you for the consideration though! 🐝✨

Warning: Usual yandere behavior, toxic relationship, physical and verbal abuse.

🇩🇪 other work recommended // work recommended // another recommendation

die Reizung.

He gives off a sheepish look at first.

And you angrily throw a crumpled white shirt on his face, fuming at the audacity— this man had to even request you anything in the first place. As if you were his pretty little wife.

You didn’t even know his full name, he straight up had some hooligans pick you off the street.

It’s been a month since you got out of the basement, no longer fearing the muscular asshole. Since in your eyes, he was a dimwit.

"Iron your cloth by your damn self, how dare you even ask me that!", you hissed at his face. Then you turned on your heels, walking away from him with a fierce sway of your hips.

You don’t see his disapproving gaze following your figure.

"Why are those dishes piling up?",

You deliberately ignore his question and remain seated on your sofa, even though Ludwig can tell that your mind is elsewhere. Your eyes are unfocused, and your fists are firmly resting on your lap.

"I asked you a question— stop slacking around—", it’s been two months since you have been in the basement.

"Slacking around?", he receives a grumbled response through clenched teeth, "I am neither your maid nor your wife! If you want your dishes to be washed so badly, then do it yourself or hire someone for cleaning up rather than kidnapping someone",

"Come back here,"

Ludwig hissed at you after your retort. However, you simply got up from the sofa and walked away, choosing not to argue once again.

He clenches his fist and takes a deep breath, trying to remind himself that you will eventually understand.

You notice a broken plate in the morning, thrown in the dustbin.

You pull at your hair strands as you try to scream in desperation, but only thing that escapes you is a distraught whine. Almost pulling the drawers off their hinges, you try to make your hands stay still and not shake.

"What’s the matter, searching for these?",

Ludwig watches smugly as you turn towards him, with a deranged appearance. It was just how he imagined you would look like if he— nevermind, was that his expensive vase you had just thrown?

"Nice plan you had there, too bad you were too eager", dangling the keys mischievously, he leaned on the doorframe, flexing his muscles, daring you to try and get it physically.

It has been three months, and he was enjoying how you were becoming restless. You look especially attractive at the moment. It's a shame that you just broke the vase he received from his chancellor.

"Eager to get away from you, some noble man you are",

His left eye twitches as his grin slowly fades away. Ludwig tilts his head, blinking in feigned confusion.

"Have I not been a noble, patient man to you?",

You chuckled dryly, resting your hands on the polished black office table. "Please, as if you would ever be recognized for your nobility, Deutschland. History books say otherwise, don’t you think?",

Both you stare at each other for a while, until Ludwig leaves with the keys and a clenched jaw, a breath escapes as you sigh in relief.

You end up picking up the broken vase.

Fucking hell. The breakfast was burnt and you made sure to give Ludwig the most nastiest, disapproving glare.

"Don’t look at me like that, I have been running late—-“

Rolling your eyes, you watch as he simply throws the burnt food away. With the frying pan.

"Are you used to throwing your messes away?",

You try to reassure yourself that you didn’t flinch as his back hunched up and he turned at you with a glare, teeth grinding against each other.

He simply unties his apron, his eyes still on you.

"At least one of us is trying to fix things up," he whispers. You give him an offended look, keeping your fists on the curves of your waist, tightly gripping the hairbrush you had been using before running downstairs.

“Keep telling yourself that, if anything you have only been hiding your ugly urges all along.”

You yelp and your heart almost bursts open as he throws the apron at you and angrily heads upstairs.

Eerie silence follows. It has been four months.

Bundled up in the armchair, you try not to think how it smells like Ludwig’s cologne. Or notice that he has been in the library for a while with you, dusting the shelves.

Unfortunately, he seems to notice your giddy attitude as you clutch the book tighter with a bright smile. His heart squeezes in delight.

“Why the bright smile?”, he asks, masking his face with an unemotional facade.

“Oh I have simply been catching up on your misfortunes, quite a historical read”.

And his mood plummets to the lowest levels of hell itself. He narrows his eyes at you, making you feel quite accomplished at pissing him off, it was quite a pleasure.

“Give me that. Now”.

He demanded, grip tightening on the duster, his unoccupied hand stretched towards the book.

You blow a raspberry.

Before long, you couldn't help but let out a truly horrified scream as Ludwig forcefully slammed both of his arms onto the chair's armrests. His knee was pressed harshly against yours as he seethed with anger, towering over you.

The book was furiously thrown out of the window, resulting in a deafening sounds of cracking glass.

His eyes glared into your soul, causing you to almost hyperventilate from the sheer terror coursing through your body.

Ludwig gazed at your petrified figure for a while, as if he were devouring your presence with his eyes. Then, he moistened his dry lips, turned around, and began stacking some books.

You stayed seated on the armchair for a long time, staring mindlessly at the calendar.

Five months have passed.

“Where is my office bag I placed in my room?!”, he asks from the bathroom as he hastily wears his jacket.

“Up my ass, search in the dining room, didn’t you throw it over there the last time?”,

“And who’s fault was that?”,

He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to make it appear uniformed. Remembering, he was out of hair gel, he cursed.

“Your fault because apparently you can’t accept that fact that you are a verdammter Verlierer”,

He took a deep breath and tried to ignore the way you implied so many things he would rather put up in the back of his mind. including the vulgar words you have taken a liking to.

“I am not the one held captive”,

He gives you a look and it makes you fume, this piece of shit—

“I wasn’t the one who had my so called mindless fascist delusions shattered”.

You exited the bedroom with a bang of the door, trying to ignore and not run at the sound of a smashed mirror.

It’s been about six months.

"If you bothered to check the calendar, you will know that it isn’t the 1940’s anymore. Get yourself a woman who wants to be your slave",

You slam the magazine near his table and exit his office, Ludwig bangs a clenched fist on his table in frustration at your defiance. He had only asked you to dry up the clothes in the sun.

That was it. Apparently that was too much for you.

He had no issues with doing the house chores, but he was a busy nation. He simply requested you to do this simple chore but god forbid you get off your ass— and your comment irked him immensely, this quirk you had of bringing up his past over and over again to provoke him.

It annoyed him.

He does check the calendar of course, quite intriguingly.

Ludwig reminds himself that it has only been seven months.

You continue sleeping on the couch everyday. And everyday Ludwig carefully places you on his bed to rest and not strain yourself. Everyday you curse at him to not touch you ever again.

But he knows you are simply embarrassed. Trying to keep up a strong and steady appearance, you always hated to admit that you are weak and helpless.

He knows you are trying hard to displease the shit out of him, and that’s why he tries to be patient. And also because he is way too stronger than you, Ludwig knows that deep down you are scared of him, no bite and all bark, he knows you end up having panic attacks over him.

The flinches you try to suppress when he comes near you, holding your breath when he talks to you. He is all aware. Frightened stares, shuddering breath, trembling legs.

He knows and he hates it.

You shove his blanket on his arms and head downstairs in a furious rush, crashing on the couch with your poor excuse of a blanket.

He bites his tongue to refrain himself from reminding you, that wherever you slept, it was something he payed for. Including your dresses, makeup and everything else in this house, it was paid for or built and made by Ludwig.

It will take more time than eight months to thaw your heart.

“At the very least, you can tidy up the rooms and stop, stop trying to break down the door”,

Gulping down the rest of your beer, you give him a nonchalant look.

“Why should I do so? We have had this conversation a dozen times. I am not your maid. And especially not your wife”.

He’s tired, the lack of hair gel has turned his hair into a complete mess, he forgot to buy it again. Ludwig slowly removes his coat, which he placed on the counter where you were leaning.

You try to stay still, but your knees almost give out as he stares at you through his lashes. It’s calm, level-headed look.

His white shirt is folded at the sleeves, tie turned loose and he’s breathing heavily.

“Cant you tidy up yourself? Or is that too beneath your superior ass”, you taunt him, curling up your cherry red lips.

“it’s eleven pm, I have been busy since six am. I am tired”,

“Well you aren’t my husband”.

He gives you that look again and you wonder whether he is offended or hurt. Frankly though, you couldn’t care less.

“Missing your man, süße Maus?",

You bristle at the nickname and the mention of— your boyfriend whom he murdered, right in front of your very eyes.

Narrowing your gaze, you prepare to escape his wrath as you hiss out in a demeaning manner,

“A man— who was much more of a man than you will ever be”.

Swiftly you entered the library nearby after seeing the darkened expression on his face. A heated glare and a reddened hue. You slid down the locked door, ignoring the trembling of your own body.

Nine months. You feel the entire house shake as Ludwig slams his bedroom door.

“You look so beautiful in that skirt, schöne Frau",

“You reek of beer and disappointment”.

Paying no heed to your comment, Ludwig wraps his hands around your waist, he is drunk and you almost gag at the overwhelming smell of alcohol.

“You smell so— *hiccup*— pretty, mein hübsches kleines baby",

“Quite your blabbering, it’s nine am in the fucking morning”.

“I am so glad— so to, ugh, have you as mine”,

“I will never be your woman”.

He stops blabbering for a minute, hands tightening their hold on your waist, you try not to squirm.

His lips hover around your ear, his hand touching your hair and skimming his hands through the strands.

“We will— will see about that”,

You stay still in his arms, his eyes blazing and staring at your soul from the reflection in the window.

You wished your body didn't feel this way. So trapped and writhing in frustration and horror, every touch of his fingers, his breath and look seemed to stain your being.

“I want dinner to be prepared tomorrow”.

He whispers. It’s not a debate or a demand but a warning said in a lovey dovey tone. His tightened grip sends the point across.

It’s been ten months.

You violently throw the plate full of food on a wall nearby, sending porcelain shards all over the place and the food splashed over the wall.

“You… you faked a dead body and made it seem as if I had died?… you— you are nothing short of DISGUSTING!”,

Ludwig gazes at the mess with a disappointed expression, seemingly unaffected by your tears as you break down in front of him.

"Whoever said I faked a dead body?" he exclaimed, forcefully stabbing a piece of steak with a fork. "It was completely real, and I must say, quite familiar with you."

Your lungs feel as if it has collapsed on itself as you fall down to the floor in pure, unadulterated horror. He was joking, a sick pathetic joke to get under your skin, there was no way— no possible way that the burned and mutilated body could have been identified, even through dishonest means, as that of a woman.

"What did my boyfriend even do to deserve this!?, you sick jealous man!!",

The blond simply ignored your tantrums, sipping on a glass of soda, eyes boring down at your crying form.

"At the very least he got a proper burial, rather than being thrown into a lake as I had intended",

Silence.

"I WILL NEVER LOVE A MURDERER LIKE YOU!",

You quickly grab a knife and attempt to attack him, but you end up pushed face-first onto the dining table, with your arms forcefully held behind your back.

"I wonder how you them fooled huh? Still interested in experimenting with things, humans, Herr Beilschmidt?",

He grabs your chin in a vice grip, hand covering your mouth as you try to taunt, spit and hurl insults at him, he only tuts at your behavior with furrowed brows.

You wanted to kill him.

"I don’t want you to mention that man ever again".

Tears well up in your eyes as uncontrollable sobs escape from your body. Ludwig presses you down in that position for a long time as he calls someone on his phone to clean up the mess.

"Don't worry, for once I have taken your advice. They are skilled cleaners who know how to handle a messy situation, if you catch my dry sense of humor."

Eleventh months and counting.

"I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU. VERDAMMTE SCHEISSE!! ONCE I GET YOU, YOU WILL REGRET EVER THINKING OF THIS HÜNDIN!!",

Ludwig was furious. Firstly, he was hit by a pretty heavy vase from upstairs, and secondly, he was bleeding a fuckton. Thirdly, the front door was open and you had escaped.

The home was clean, laundry done, dishes pristine and dinner warmly prepared, you were dressed so prettily that it melted him so good when he came home tired from work. What he didn’t account for was an elaborate murder plan attempted towards him. Sadly for you, he had suffered worse and was also an immortal.

He was done being patient and playing the nice cop, especially after you had hurled hurtful insults at him, and what was that you said?

This wasn’t the 1940’s? That he had no power anymore, that he was just a pathetic dog with no backbone in that sweet, sweet tone of yours? That he was a sick, pathetic man who will never be loved?

He let out a series of chilling giggles that gradually escalated into full-blown laughter, the sound reverberating throughout the house. He loosened his irritating tie and tossed it onto the ground. Rolling up his sleeves to his elbows, he ran his fingers through his blond hair in frustration.

But also,

This sense of ecstasy, a thrilling sensation he was feeling… he really chose a perfect, wonderfully crazy woman, didn’t he?

It was the end of the twelfth month, and Ludwig made himself a promise to haunt your dreams with memories of the basement for months to come after he had his hands on you.

[valeffelees]

Oh do tell about that snowbaz au of yours 👀

I WOULD FUCKING LOVE TO, thank you so much tumblr user pidgelikethebird (and also my most beloved and loyal companion @drowninginships) for providing me the enrichment i need to survive the winter.

ok gimme a min here to turn my thoughts into comprehensible words. i'm gonna say right now: this post is gonna be a LONG one, but 10 out of 10 scientists agree you should read to the end.

so, if you didn't know, The Beauty Inside is a Korean romcom from 2015, based off an American short film of the same name; the orig short film i linked is an extremely quick watch (only 6 episodes, each one 4-10 minutes long) and i would absolutely recommend it, but the very basics of the premise is that: a man wakes up in his bed on his 18th birthday to find he's in a completely different body than his own, and every day since then, he wakes up as somebody new.

AND OBVS I JUST HAD TO FUCKING SNOWBAZ THAT, which is how my AU, titled In the Many Ways of Loving You, was born:

Simon Snow wakes up every day as somebody new; the only person who knows the truth is Penny, his best friend and roommate, since she's been by his side since it all began ten years ago.

he works on commission as a custom bookbinder—like, he has an Etsy or some shit, i dunno, some kinda online shop where people can commission him in a variety of ways to rebind their favourite books, either by paying extra for Simon to buy the book himself and rebind it from new and send it to them, or sometimes collectors will send their personal copies to him to have him rebind them, and he's very good at it, and N E WAY the point of this is that he has a small bookshop he's been going to regularly for the last eight or so years, because it's close to his and Penny's flat, and where the story begins: Baz is a new employee that just started working there about two weeks ago and Simon has a massive crush on him.

ok, now. day one: when we meet Simon for the first time, he wakes up and he's lovely and blonde and brown-eyed and ok, yeah, i've just made him look like Agatha bc i thought it'd be kinda funny, esp since Agatha's not actually in the fic otherwise.

and Simon has to pick up a copy of some random book from the bookshop today bc someone bought a custom binding of it, so he goes down and, as usual, since it's his job, Baz has to come over to talk to him and is like, "hey, can I help you with anything?" and Simon doesn't need any help bc he's been coming to this shop for years, but every time Baz asks he says yes bc he wants the excuse to talk to him, and on this day Simon is like, wait. i'm so hot rn. so he asks Baz out—

and Baz is like [finger guns] absolutely not.

and Simon is like 👁️👄👁️ welp i'm in fucking agony.

but whatever, fine. a guy like Baz is prolly already in a proper relationship, and it's always a bad idea for Simon to get involved with someone he has to see on the reg. he had to start going to a different coffee shop that's twenty minutes out of his way bc he went out on a great date with one of the baristas at his old spot and then obvs couldn't go out again after just that one time, and it made him super emo, so really, Baz saying no was prolly for the best.

TIMESKIP, it's been a few days and Simon has to go down to the bookshop again. but this time he's a bloke. and so Baz comes up to ask if Simon needs help and he says yeah, as usual, and the two of them end up having a bantery convo about the book Simon's looking for bc they've both read it and Baz hated it, but Simon loved it, and it's just very cute and casual, and then Baz is like. so, my shift ends in liiike... four hours. are you doing anything?

and Simon is like. OH. OH!!!

that whole "it's prolly for the best" thing? yeah, fuck that, that was Simon of the past, he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about bc cute bookshop guy wants to hang out and so they go out and have the most fucking insane romcom date ever.

'cause you gotta remember, Simon only gets one real day with people, so he doesn't do like casual coffee dates or movies or whatever. they go out and like fucking B&E a museum after hours bc Simon knows someone like the janitor or something (i dunno) leaves one of the back doors unlocked so he can step out for a cig every few hours, so they sneak in and have the time of their life running around looking at art while trying not to get caught, and we're going to use the suspended disbelief bestowed upon us by the power of romcoms to pretend security cameras aren't a thing, and it is BRILLIANT. like, Simon and Baz have so much chemistry, and when the night ends Baz is just like all smiles and creased eyes and messy black hair and, breathlessly: "I want to see you again."

and Simon's heart drops. because he wants to see Baz again, too, but he can't. no matter how much he wants to, he can't. when he wakes up tomorrow he's going to be someone new, so he can't, he can't, he can't, he—

"Yeah," he says. "Tomorrow?"

SIMON NO!!!

"It's a date."

FUCK!!!

ok, so now we have a problem. Simon can't just stand him up, i mean he could but he doesn't want to, and he really does want to see him again, so he does the only thing he can think of: he stays awake. all fucking night.

Baz, the next day: "You look exhausted."

Simon, wired asf on caffeine and trying to be smooth: "Had someone on my mind all night."

and then they go have another wicked date, but i have nothing in my notes about what it is. oh, i have them living in Canada in this fic btw bc as a rule, if a fic doesn't have to be set in England, i move them to Canada for comfort. so i might have them go cliff jumping or something? who knows. we'll go with that for now.

cue the romcom montage.

[mother tongue starts playing SO DON'T SAY YOU LOVE ME FALA AMO, JUST LET YOUR HEART SPEAK UP AND I'LL KNOW]

ok. post-date. Simon is so dumb and infatuated with Baz and does something only a boy who is dumb and infatuated and sleep-deprived would do in his situation, and he goes back to Baz's flat with him to "watch a movie", or in other words: the movie starts and then they prolly have sex, but in my notes this is written as "??? smash ???" so i guess it's kinda up in the air.

either way, Simon passes the fuck out at Baz's place bc he was properly exhausted by that point, and he wakes up to Baz screaming at him bc obvs he looks like a different person now.

Simon, half-asleep: [PANICKED FLAILING] BAZ IT'S ME!!! STOP THROWING THINGS!!! BAZ!!! IT'S ME, IT'S SIMON!!!

and Baz is like: WHAT THE FUCK

and Simon is like: I CAN EXPLAIN

and Baz is like: HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE

and Simon is like: I CAN EXPLAIN!!!

so, here's a detail from the orig film that comes into play here: in the orig movie, the MC keeps a video diary, logging every day what his face looks like, and in this, Simon does this on his phone and backs them up to his computer every hundred days, so he gives Baz his phone and tells him the whole story while Baz scrolls through these short like minute long videos of Simon on various days going, "Hey, this is me today. I have [this and such] thing to do, blah blah blah."

and the thing is, Baz recognises him in some of them. bc Simon is always coming into the bookshop. he stops watching when he gets to the day Simon looked like Agatha, and Simon has been quiet for a while at this point, just letting Baz process.

Baz: "I want you to leave."

Simon takes his phone without a word and goes. Penny picks him up on the corner a block over and drives him back to their flat. she doesn't ask what happened. she already has a pretty good idea.

when Simon's next commission comes in, he thinks about going to another bookshop, he really does. but this one is so convenient, esp since Simon can't drive bc he can't risk getting pulled over carrying a licence that doesn't have his face on it, and he's been going there for eight years and it's not like Baz will recognise him anyway.

so, to the bookshop he goes, but this time when Baz comes up to ask if he needs help, Simon is like, "haha, no that's okay," and goes back to looking for things on his own, and Baz kinda lingers awkwardly for a moment before going on his way, but then when Simon comes up to the till to pay for the book, Baz just stands there staring at him. and Simon is so uncomfortable, like, he just wants to leave—

"Simon?"

SORRY, YOU WHAT?

"What?" Simon gapes at him. "How did— how did you? But I'm—"

"Can we talk?" Baz asks.

"How did you know it was—"

Baz shouts over to the other employee on the floor that he's taking his lunch break, and Simon just slowly follows him out of the shop with the book forgotten, unpaid for, at the check-out.

and here's the deal, Baz liked Simon a stupid amount considering they'd only gone on two dates, but they were good dates, and Baz doesn't date much, so he's a bit hung up on just how much he liked Simon and the weird way shit ended, so he's basically like. i want to see it again. and Simon is like, see what? and Baz is like, you. the... whatever that you do, i want to see you change.

and that's how Simon ends up bringing Baz back to his flat, and btw: Simon has a rule about never bringing people back to his flat bc it's weird as fuck. his room is really tiny, and it's cluttered as fuck in a Howl's bedroom type way. he keeps to the same cheap, casual style for all his clothes, but he needs things in a bunch of sizes. shoes are a nightmare. he has to take care of his hair in a million different fucking ways. so he has the lives of a dozen people shoved into a room the size of a shoebox, and his mattress has no frame. that shit is just on the floor, so it takes up less space. and there's this mirror, a wide full bodied mirror, propped up against the wall facing the bed, so that the first thing Simon can do each day is roll over and look at himself.

Simon and Baz have supper together, they talk, they pretend this isn't weird as fuck and, even though it is weird as fuck, they still have so much chemistry, and this is a fanfic, so they just end up having sex again but it's supposed to be kinda emo and tender and look, it's what my heart wants, ok?

morning comes. Simon wakes to Baz's hands on his face. which is already and improvement compared to last time. Baz is looking at him very seriously, but also very like. softly. he's touching Simon's features, tracing them, and Simon is quiet for a very long time, watching him do this, until he's just like. what are you doing.

Baz: "Getting to know you." A pause. "Why does it happen?"

Simon: "I don't know."

Baz: "Are there other people like you?"

Simon: "I don't know."

Baz, sighing: "Well, what do you know?"

Simon: "That I'm still me. Inside, I mean. Like... if you had a book, and every day you gave it a new cover, the story wouldn't change."

Baz: "You must get lost on a lot of shelves."

Simon: "Yeah."

and from there, Baz is just a part of Simon's life the same way Penny is, he knows the truth, and he deals with it. for the first time in Simon's adult life, he gets to really date. he and Baz do a bunch of domestic shit together, for months, and it's so good. all of it is so good, all the time, and they fall so fucked up deep in love with each other.

(detail from this point that is relevant later: Baz and Simon make a game out of Baz recognising Simon at work on days when he hasn't seen yet what he looks like. Simon will come in and try to act like a stranger, but Baz can Where's Waldo him every time.)

but then Christmas comes. and Baz has to go home to see his family. and i don't have an exact idea of how this convo goes, only that it is not a fight of any kind, like, it is a normal convo about the holidays but Baz apologises to Simon during it for not telling his family about him, he says they'd want Baz to bring Simon home if he did (bc i just don't wanna fuck with homophobia in this so we've shot Malcolm with the ally beam) and he wouldn't know how to explain Simon's whole... thing to them, and Simon kinda realises that like. he can't ever be the type of boyfriend Baz can bring home to his family. he can't ever be the type of boyfriend Baz gets to have a normal life with.

SO SIMON GHOSTS HIM.

like, Baz comes back from his family's place, annoyed that Simon hasn't returned any of his texts or calls, only to find that Simon and Penny have literally fucking moved flats in the two weeks he's been gone. and obvs he's fucking devastated and confused by this and desperately trying to get Simon to respond to him, but he won't.

Simon goes out of his way to find a new bookshop to go to, and that's the end of things for about a week or so, and i haven't actually decided what happens here exactly, but the general idea i wanna go with is that Simon goes to the bookshop Baz works at just for the sake of seeing him, checking up on him, bc he misses him.

but remember that game they played? so yeah, Baz walks up to say his usual like, "hey, can I help you find anything?" but he fucking clocks Simon after like ten seconds.

scene change: they're in Simon's new flat, like maybe Baz demanded that if Simon is going to break up with him he owes it to him to do it goddamn properly, but i dunno. details, details. but they end up getting in a huge fucking fight and Simon reveals the reason he ghosted Baz was bc he realised Baz can't have a real life with him and Baz is like:

"You don't get to decide that for me! You're still you, you're still lovely—"

"You don't even know what I look like!"

"I don't care what you look like, you fucking moron, I care that you're Simon Snow! There's a person inside you that exists every day, even when everything else changes, and he's lovely. I love him. The rest doesn't matter, how can you not see that? Stop telling me I'm not allowed to love you however you are, I'll love you a hundred different ways, Simon. Any size, any shape. I'll love you over, and over, and over. That's a life for me. A real life for me. You!"

and then Simon throws his arms around Baz's neck and hugs him like he needs him to breathe and Baz clings to his shirt and they're both prolly crying all loud and gross, but it's fine. they're gonna be fine.

the next day: Simon wakes up to Baz's mouth on the back of his neck. "Like this one, then?" he says.

"Loveliest yet." Baz brushes his knuckles over the slope of Simon's shoulder. "Freckles, curls, broad shoulders... Mmm, maybe we should stay in bed today."

Simon laughs and rolls over to pin Baz to the mattress, grinning at him. he goes to say something, prolly rib at him the way they do, but as he does he catches his reflection in that mirror he keeps by his bed and he freezes.

"Holy shit!" he shouts, and shoves himself up onto his knees. "That's me!"

Baz rolls his eyes. "Yes, yes, I told you—"

Simon shakes his head furiously. "No, it's. Baz. I'm. Jesus fucking Christ, that's me. Baz, that's me."

Baz sits up slowly. "Do you mean—"

"Fuck, holy shit!" Simon grabs his curls with both hands. he hasn't touched these curls in ten fucking years. he looks older than he remembers himself, which is a given, but it's definitely him. his father's eyes, his mother's chin. the moles on his cheek, above his eyebrow, below his ear.

Simon freaks out in a way that kinda toes the line between being happy and being a breakdown, he throws himself at Baz, and they both fall back onto the bed and Simon is laughing and he's shaking and he doesn't understand, he doesn't get it, but holy fuck, he has his own face, he has his own body, he has his own hands. Baz pushes them apart so he can get a look at him, and Simon is actually kinda self-conscious when he does, which is a new feeling. he never has to feel self-conscious about anything, usually, since he knows every flaw or insecurity isn't really his, and will be gone the next day, but this is just... him.

Baz takes Simon's face in his hands and then, breathlessly, "Hello, Simon Snow."

AND THEN THEY KISS bc what else would they do here.

and uhh, yeah. so. Simon goes out to the kitchen where Penny is making breakfast and she loses her shit when she sees him. big hugs all around. Baz really does take the day off work to spend it with Simon, even though that just means lying around on the sofa watching movies while Simon works on his current rebinding commission. when Penny gets home that evening, they order takeaway and sit around the lounge room playing boardgames together until late, late, late into the night. Penny falls asleep in the armchair, and now it's 3-am.

Simon is tired. he's looking at the clock, sitting with his knees up and his arms around them, with Baz beside him. Baz has his forehead on his shoulder, an arm around his waist. he doesn't want to go to bed, because what if... what if it was only for today. how long will it be until the next time? what if there is no next time, what if, what if—

"We'll still be here," Baz whispers, exhausted. "And you'll still be you. No matter what, Simon."

and so they go to bed.

Simon wakes up to Baz's mouth on the back of his neck.

"Good morning, Simon Snow."

AND YEAH, that is the entire plot of my The Beauty Inside AU.

i told you this was gonna be a long one, but if you've made it all the way to the end of this mess, thank you kindly again for indulging me!

[yuurei20]

Hello, Yuurei! Do you know if there is a timeline for the main story and events that would make for the best reading order? Even something as vague as "Beanfest is between books 3 and 4" to make a nice little roadmap for rereading purposes? Thank you so much if you can answer this!

Hello hello!! Thank you so much for this question, this was all so interesting to look into!

Reading order for events can be complicated, as the game seems to be playing with the timeline! For every "this is the order of events" compilation I found there was a disclaimer of "except for these points, which don't fit into the continuity," and that might just be how it is until we learn more about what is going on behind the scenes :<

If that is all right, I have put together a rough list of a possible reading order! (Largely by cross referencing the events/main story with things like this graphic, this summary page, and several anonymous posting boards, to learn what theories are out there.)

⚠️JP-server event information included below!⚠️ ⚠️ Also, this is not meant to be a definitive calendar of events! Just an idea about a potential order in which to read things with the least amount of timeline weirdness ⚠️ (but there is still timeline weirdness)

#1: Prologue #2: Book 1 #3: Book 2 #4 Stage in Playfulland #5: Glorious Masquerade #6: Terror is Trending

At the beginning of Playfulland Ace mentions upcoming Halloween preparations and finals, but he doesn't mention the Interdorm Spelldrive Tournament, so it is possible that this event happens after Book 2 (which is specified as taking place in October) but before Halloween.

The biggest issue with this lineup is Ortho, who appears at the very beginning in his college gear, which he doesn't get until Book 6. But they mention Halloween so it must be early in the school year, and it cannot be October of the following year because Trey and Cater are still living in the dorm...if you can forgive Ortho's outfit in the opening scenes, Playfulland otherwise fits in nicely.

Things get complicated with Glorious Masquerade and Terror is Trending, as they seem to be taking place simultaneously: both events begin with two different characters announcing that there is one month left until Halloween.

I would recommend Glorious Masquerade first as we don't actually see Halloween happening at NRC (just Jack and Ace preparing for it), but both events are about lead-ups to two completely different Halloween celebrations being held on the same day and attended by many of the same people.

As the end of Terror is Trending connects directly to the start of Spectral Soiree, it might be less jarring to start with Glorious Masquerade.

The continuity curiosity that people generally point to with the Halloween events is that the prefect is present for multiple people referring to Malleus by name, when they don't actually know what his name is until Book 5.

But there is something consistent across both Glorious Masquerade and Spectral Soiree:

The prefect never calls Malleus anything but Hornton.

It is possible that the game is asking for some suspension of disbelief with this point? Was my theory, but the prefect also uses the "Hornton" moniker during Firelit Sky, so maybe that is just what they do?

#7 Spectral Soiree #8 Book 3 #9 Book 4 #10 New Year's #11 Book 5

Book 5 lasts over a month, with Vil scolding Epel for not practicing during what were ostensibly their winter holidays, so it may go from January to February (the day of the Culture Festival itself is specified as mid-February).

The snow on the main campus seems to completely disappear during the three weeks between Malleus being invited to the VDC and the day of the event, but they might have just cleared it away for the festival.

#12 Harveston

We know Harveston takes place during the winter but not exactly when. Epel recognizes the dwarves from Book 5, so reading it before 5 might feel odd.

#13 Book 6

Book 6 starts only a few days after Book 5 and might technically come before Harveston, but from a reading-order perspective seeing Idia invite himself along to Epel's hometown right after kidnapping several people might be jarring.

Due to the timing of Harveston's initial release Ortho wears his pre-6 archetype gear for Harveston, which is also a point in favor of Harveston happening beforehand (a very busy few days for Epel and Idia). It will be interesting to see if Ortho gets changed to his college gear for the rerun, coming soon to JP server.

#14 Beanfest (1 and 2)

#15 Fairy Gala / Fairy Gala IF

#16 Vargas Camp (1+2)

The only hint we have for the two Vargas Camps is the knowledge that they happen within two weeks of one another and the title of the original event: Spring Happening.

#17 Rabbit Fes

I wasn't able to find any reference to when Rabbit Fes might be happening, but Ortho in his college gear places it after Book 6, and it is heavily spring coded.

#18 Phantom Bride

I was not able to find any specific timing for the Phantom Bride event, but we know there is not any snow on the main street, so presumably it is not during winter.

It seems to be generally assumed by fans that it takes place in June because of the June Bride tradition, and everyone's reluctance to do anything for Idia makes even more sense than usual if it is post Book 6.

#19 Tamashina-Mina

Was also not able to find anything specific for the timing of Tamashina-Mina, but we know it is hot (Jack faints from heat stroke).

Leona mentions a rainy season and Japan's rainy season goes from June to July, so summer seems like a safe bet (it also makes sense to be separated far away from Book 2, considering Leona and Lilia's drama).

#20 Wish Upon a Star

The Starsending also does not seem to have a specified month or season, but it is generally assumed to be happening in July because the event was heavily inspired by Japan's Tanabata, which is on July 7th. (more here!) Tanabata is also referenced by name in the original game.

Like Playfulland, Wish Upon a Star’s main continuity issue is also Ortho: it is mentioned specifically that he cannot participate in the event because he is not actually a student at the school.

He becomes a student in Book 6, which seems like it should put this event before it, except for the Star Rogue subplot. Idia and Ortho discuss the discontinued video game in Book 6, a sequel is Idia’s wish for Wish Upon a Star, and at the end of the event this wish is granted, which hadn't happened as of 6. 

No matter where you read Wish Upon a Star there is going to be some weirdness, so it may be best to decide based on personal preference! If Ortho still not being a student despite having just enrolled is more of a deal breaker than the Star Rogue subplot, it might be better to read it prior to 6.

#21 Lost in the Book with Stitch

Floyd has a line about summer vacation coming soon.

#22 Firelit Sky

Interestingly there do not seem to be any references to Firelit Sky taking place in the summer, but it is generally assumed to be around summertime due to the climate and fireworks festival.

Najma has a line about being worried about Jamil, but the conversation wouldn't be out of place before or after Book 4. Firelit sky might be one of the more flexible events, capable of sliding in just about anywhere, but the atmosphere fits in well with the line up of the Stitch event and Portfest.

#23 Portfest

The Portfest event takes about a month overall, but the time of year is technically never specified, so we do not know what month.

The biggest hint we get might be Rook calling the portwear designs "summery and cool." The aesthetic might fit best with Stitch and Firelit Sky, for reading order purposes.

#24 Bonus: Tsumsted

I have no idea when Tsumsteds 1+2 are presumably taking place, but there is no snow on the main street. As they are light-hearted stories it might be best to enjoy them between events rather than the drama of the main story? Perhaps between Beanfest and Fairy Gala, or Vargas Camp and Rabbit Fest, etc.

I made a chart for reference while putting this post together! There may be better interpretations out there than what all has been listed above, so I will include it as well, for the curious:

(and as always if there is anything I have overlooked, please do let me know! ♡)

[helenofjupiter]

assigning taylor swift songs to bridgerton couples (part 1)

with explanations that no one asked for (proceed with caution)

part 2 for e, f, g and h

so i’ve been going kinda crazy about bridgerton the past few weeks, i read (and reread) all eight books and at some point while reading i couldn't stop trying to find taylor songs in my mind which would fit each couple. so i chose two songs for every pair, some of these have actual thought behind them, others are mostly based on vibes. i hope you enjoy this unhinged tangent <3

anthony & kate - i was actually reading gregory’s book when this completely genius thought hit me - treacherous IS the kanthony song. i mean it starts with “put your lips close to mine as long as they don’t touch”. insert a picture of any one of the hundred times they almost kissed in the show. even the build up of the song reminds me so much of the slow burn we had in the series. also lyrics like “i hear the sound of my own voice asking you to stay” (anthony being “what?? no!!! you can’t go back to india. wtf do you mean you’re not staying once edwina marries???”),  “and all we are is skin and bone trained to get along forever going with the flow but you're friction” through the lens of kanthony i see this line as them just constantly aggravating each other.

the second song for them is dancing with our hands tied. i hadn’t thought about this song in a criminally long time. oh boy. (i also just now realised how long this post is gonna be) “i, i loved you in secret, first sight, yeah we love without reason” i’m sorry but these dumb bitches were in love since that first fateful early morning horse ride you can’t convince me otherwise. “people started talking, putting us through our paces // but we were dancing, dancing with our hands tied, hands tied” this screams when they got caught and were forced to marry in the book. their hands were tied - they had no other choice but to marry but they were dancing because they actually did love each other (awww). other than that there are two lines that sort of go hand in hand - “i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us” and “i'm a mess, but i'm the mess that you wanted” in my head this is from anthony’s perspective. him dealing with his fear of morality and losing kate and while kate does have the eldest daughter syndrome, anthony is the bigger mess of a person in the relationship.

benedict & sophie - enchanted is a no brainer, it needs no explanation. now for their second song i picked the lakes. this resides in the vibes category. listening to this i can’t help but imagine benophie living an artsy quiet life in my cottage. i’m actually interested to see how their living situation will play out in the show because i feel in the books benedict wasn’t as involved in the ton. i guess it’s just a bit hard for me to envision show!ben being so chill about moving to some place in the middle of nowhere. 

colin & penelope - of course, dress. i listened to this on repeat while reading the whole book in one sitting. honestly a marvellous experience, can’t recommend enough . for the second song i had to go looking, had to travel far like colin one might say. and once i arrived in the long forgotten country of taylor’s debut album i found a piece of music so clearly polin coded that it’s baffling this fandom isn’t talking about it. the song in question is  i’m only me when i’m with you. it feels silly to explain this one because being from taylor’s early career the lyrics aren’t terribly clever so let’s focus on the chorus. “i'm only up when you're not down, don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground” some people want colin to be just ken in the show but i actually really liked how they both have a career in writing at the end of the book (penelope better had published the book she started writing). “the other half i'm only trying to let you know that what i feel is true and i'm only me when i'm with you” you can’t tell me this isn’t colin telling penelope she is beautiful over and over again and how much he loves him because he was a fool not to realise it sooner. while in the book penelope feeling like she is truly confident and herself around colin, i think in the show this line works from colin’s side just as well. 

daphne & simon - while most of the fandom has crowned wildest dreams as the saphne anthem (taylor’s version), i just couldn’t get behind it. yes, they used the song in their season but in my mind it just does not embody their relationship. firstly, the great war, i mean the first line “my knuckles were bruised like violets”. simon… boxing… you see the connection, right? okay, i promise it gets (even) better. “and maybe it's the past that's talking, screaming from the crypt. telling me to punish you for things you never did” in case of simon, he was hanging on to his hate towards his father and refusing to have kids with daphne, punishing her while it wasn’t her fault what had happened to him as a child. “somewhere in the haze, got a sense i’d been betrayed” i hate this part of their stroy (i do not condone daphne’s actions) yet i can so clearly picture simon still partly on his high of pleasure but starting to realise what daphne had done to him. i think i like this as their song because well they both were all kinds of wrong in this situation and at the end of the song it’s acknowledged “there's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair” and still it has a happy ending just like saphne. their second song was hard to find and i’m not a hundred percent sure about it but a present to you so it goes…  “all eyes on us, you make everyone disappear” - season 1, episode 1 “stare into my eyes”. i felt i needed to give them a sexy song and i do feel like it matches their sexual tension but this one is definitely up for debate.

[raisinchallah]

what are your repressed book recommendations (from the 1950s or otherwise)? i tried to see if you mentioned some already but found this post instead: 731501219436183552 i was also wondering if you remembered what the gay wizard elf series was if you don't mind.

well my tags on the post were mostly referring to shirley jackson and patricia highsmith lol you should read the haunting of hill house! u know the thing i find funniest about patricia highsmith is the way she completely normalized her own misery and repression into her fiction that random straight men she wrote would all be vaguely indefinably miserable and hate having sex with women some of them dont even have gay tension with anybody you know its just like literally part of the fabric of this world heterosexual sex is miserable and a chore and something nobody enjoys in this world constructed by a lesbian from the 50s ill be honest idk if i have some kind of grand repression canon or rec list in some ways what i was referring to in said post is just idk a vibe in a lot of older fiction of essentially every stripe that repression isnt something that shall be successfully worked beyond or like a plot point some people simply stay miserable their whole lives and die apkfkakskx if i think of anything more specific i shall let u know tho tbh dont read as much patricia highsmith as i have

my best guess for the gay elf wizards is the work of gael baudino as thats one of the main photos i still have from the gay library to which said post refers and should at least satisfy your desire for very strange gay fantasy books tho idk how u can get ur hands on them..

[honeyhotteoks]

omg hi long time lurker - i am so absolutely pleased you included kim ji young born 1982 into across stardust!! i got to that part in the fic and had to stop and say something. the book and the movie are both truly heart-breaking pieces of feminist literature that i absolutely recommend Everyone! read and i am so happy that you're putting a spotlight on it. both mediums are so lovingly crafted and i absolute cried the whole time with both. i feel like it really does paint a genuine picture of what feminism in korea is like right now for this book to be so 'objectionable' to the standard netizen, especially when the point of the book is "ji young is you, she is me, she is the every day woman." and on that note.. i really do appreciate how much forethought both yun and the lead put into her autonomy - i feel like thats an aspect of soulmate tropes i dont see explored much, so i was pleased as a peach to see little ripples in the standard quo.

cant wait to see where this series goes! save me chai long form fic from fresh graduate job applications... save me...

omg thank you SO much for this ask. you nailed exactly why i put this book in the fic, 100%

i’ll be honest, i’ve had a lot of conflicting feelings about writing certain tropes given the climate in korea. i’d like to think that all eight members of ateez are progressive, or at the bare minimum believe in women’s autonomy and rights, but the reality is that we just don’t know. over the past year i’ve been disappointed by idols again and again who prove they aren’t a magical exception to korean social politics and it truly does affect how and what i write, or if i write at all.

that being said…. until proven otherwise i’m choosing to believe the best about our ateez, and when i write them i really want to be explicit in the version of them i hope for.

the idea of soulmates inherently implies a lack of choice, but it’s important to me in all my work that not only is consent present, it’s acknowledged and contemplated by the characters. the only reason they have the choice to seal the bond in my little universe is because i just won’t ever write a world in which there’s no choice for our mc, fated mates or not. and because we’re not in yunho’s head, it’s hard for me to convey that he understands and acknowledges that reader has a choice without some seriously clunky dialogue. so including kim ji young born 1982 was a nod to indicate that he’s the type of man that makes his own opinions, and that he’s the type to listen before he speaks.

i hope i’m able to keep threading that truth through the fic in an authentic way, and im really touched you sent me this comment. there’s nothing more important to me than consent and autonomy, even when playing in darker tropes, and im so glad that resonated for you in this one.

[noahsbookhoard]

📚July 2024 Book Review (Part 2/3)📚

Part 1 had a common theme, this one is color coded! Otherwise they are quite varied in genre and theme but all three are really really good

Cinq petits cochons (Five Little Pigs) by Agatha Christie

Hercule Poirot is asked to work a very peculiar case: a 16 year old murder. The wife of famous painted Amyas Crale had been found guilty of poisoning her husband but left her young daughter Carla one last letter before her death, claiming her innocence. Now grown up, Carla wants the truth, did her mother really commit this crime? To answer Poirot only has the recollection of five witnesses, and potential suspects.

This book has climbed all the way to be my second favorite Christie, just behind The Murder of Roger Acroyd. I love the particular narrative based on letters and interviews, even though it is the same story (more or less) repeated five times over, it was never tiring because the minute details and differences between the testimonies keep you on your toes.

What is also nice specificallly in this book is the fact that there was already a culprit judged and sentenced to prison, the five witnesses have no reason to doubt the trial except for Carla and she was just a child at the time of the murder. The question Poirot asks each character is "What do you remeber of that day? Do you think Caroline (Carla's mother) really killed Amyas Crale?" But as always he is opened to every hypothesis and so is the reader. What he really wants to know is "In the event Caroline were not the killer, who else could it be?"

Once again I saw nothing coming. I only noticed a small incoherence but it was merely a detail and the really important clue went right under my nose, not once but five times and I completely missed it! I never thought I would like failing to solve a puzzle so much.

Going Postal (Discworld #33) by Terry Pratchett

Soon-to-be hanged con artist Moist Von Lipwig is given one last chance to escape the gallows: revive the Ankh-Morpork Postal Service, fallen to disrepair with the advent of the much quicker Clacks System.

The Discworld novels who take place in Ankh-Morpork generally bring back some of my favorite characters: Vimes, The Librarian, CMOT Dibbler, in this one specifically Vetinari and a new Little Guy With Issues for the collection: Moist Von Lipwig.

I love him, he is such a typical Discworld protagonist: he is Just A Guy, there is A Situation and he isn't being particularly brave about it but he is clever/runs fast and that will have to be enough. Terry Pratchett write this kind of character masterfully well and I love that Moist Von Lipwig is more on the smart and cunning side of the scale.

The balance between modernity and magic works particularly well here, and as always the satire is on point and surgeon level of precision (that's why I always love the scene with Vetinari do much)

And the secondary characters are very endearing : the Post employees are just so funny and Adora is really cool. I was wary of the romance with her and Moist at first but Moist is cute when he is all fluttered by a lady with a strong opinion on the rights of Golem postal employees so by the end I was rooting for him.

I can see why it is a fan favorite. It is a solid top 5 of my favorite Discworld novel, what a wonderful book! I haven't established the official list yet as I haven't finished the series. Honestly I'm scared of finishing it, of having them read all for the first time. I know I will reread them (Hogfather is on the December TBR) but that's not the same...

Celle qu'il attendait by Baptiste Beaulieu

He is a doctor, an openly gay man, married, with a child and just a good person overall! I follow his Instagram account and although I don't know him, he seems like a deeply likable man, invested in helping people and unafraid to express his opinions. Additionally a friend had already read it an recommended this book to me so I dived in with only a modicum of hesitation.

Eugenie is an inventor of eccentric machines, Josephin is a quiet taxi driver. They both have been hurt deeply before, they are cautions, they are clumsy; but they will love each other from the moment they meet at the train station to the very end. They will learn to open up, to trust again, to see the beauty the other sees in them.

I am awfully prejudiced toward contemporary literature: is it a more academic author? It's gonna be boring and hard to read. Is it a more mainstream author? It's gonna be a lame feel good book. I'm working on proving myself wrong, in the first case with my Goncourt cherry picking but sofar I had not dipped into the more popular literature. I decided to start with an author I like as an individual: Baptiste Beaulieu

This is a sweet but sad story. The characters are very lonely, desperate to make a connection tonight but they are so shy, so afraid to fail and be even sadder to have been disappointed than they already are. The title means "The one he was waiting for": it is a sort of love at first sight but Josephin and Eugenie tip toe around it, afraid of what might happen. The pace is pretty slow but it suits the story, it treat its characters gently. Sometimes in the middle of relating Eugenie's self depreciating thoughts the narrator pauses and adresses her, telling her that she is not how she thinks and that she shouldn't say this about herself. it was really touching and caring and nice.

They both have baggage, some heavy ones, but slowly they get to talk and trust each other. When Josephin finally invites Eugenie to a concert, my heart flutters for them!

And then he gives the date and location. The Bataclan. On November 13, 2015.

Those outside of France probably don't know/remember it: there was several shooting on that night, including just outside several bars and in the Bataclan concert hall. There was 130 casualties.

So much for the lighthearted love story.

It isn't graphic or overly violent, the style is still soft and talk around the event rather than about it. Still there is grief, for the reader who guesses beforehand what will happen and for the characters when it actually does. And yet hope remains, the story isn't over and someone is left to keep going, even alone. And always the book is soft and gentle and does not rush the one that survive out of the grief.

Not an easy book to read but a touching one. I certainly defied my idea of contemporary lit being all sunny feel good novel because that sure wasn't but I liked it a lot. His newest book, Tous les silences ne font pas le même bruit (All silences don't sound the same) is just out and the only reason I don't have it yet is that I'm stuck at work.

[seeingteacupsindragons]

I’ve got another question, if that’s alright—do you have any advice for varying sentence structure? I feel like it’s a skill that is mostly natural / unconscious and I’ve been wondering if there’s a good way to deliberately practice it, apart from my current method of writing as usual and revising with a specific eye on sentence structure

You given me war flashbacks to my tenth grade English teacher and her"sentence starter" worksheet with 10 different opening phrase types for English, and we had to use at least 8 of them in every essay we wrote.

I do not recommend this approach. Most of them did not sound natural or fluid at all. At the end of the day, the vast majority of English sentences are going to start subject-verb because that's just the way English syntax is at its most natural and least stressed. And yet, neither that sentence nor this one did.

Ultimately, sentence structure varying is important not so that it varies, but because varying it has different effects.

Short sentences feel quick and choppy and adding them to short paragraphs feels a lot like movie cuts switching every few seconds. Good sometimes, but you don't want the whole movie filmed that way, either.

Longer sentences will feel slower, drawing out a moment to linger on it and connect things together. A lot of them together can be used to really highlight a character's spiraling mental state.

A lot of knowing which to use is just practice and developing a knack for which part of the book needs what.

And different people talk differently. Yes, they use different vocabulary, but they also structure their sentences differently. "I really wasn't thinking about home," could also be, "Wasn't really thinking about home, you know?" and they mean mostly the same thing but the sentence structures are different.

So it might be a good idea to do some warmups or exercise also focused on character voice.

I pulled out this section from Ceiling Fan to see if I could dissect it for you to show how and why sentences varied, but I actually...ran out of highlight colors because the sentences are all really quite different.

That second-to-last paragraph is all fragments. Long fragments, mostly, but none of them are actually complete thoughts on their own. They're punctuated like that because functionally, they're each their own points of emphasis.

I also have asides to sentences in both parentheses and em-dashes. But they serve different purposes. The parens basically reduce the "probably" to a muttered, under the breath note. The em-dashes are spoken at an equal volume, but it wouldn't otherwise fit into the sentence. Cameron is basically interrupting himself with dashes.

The second sentence starts with a gerund noun phrase because it sounds better than "It was only half the exam to study the formulas"--more natural, and it puts actual concretes upfront instead of a meaningless pronoun.

There's an ellipsis where Cam trails off a thought, searching for words before picking up with the next paragraph and sentence with an interjection.

There's a lot of variety in this...half a page if you look, and I did almost none of it while thinking about it or caring at all about sentence structure. This is just what felt natural when I was writing someone talking. This is what made Cam sound the way I wanted Cam to sound.

I picked up these instincts from reading, mostly--I saw what was impacting me and gave me what tones--so reading with an eye for structure and then writing to capture voice really well, I think, are my strongest recommendations. And then on making sure the pacing flows.

It's hard for me to give advice on how to achieve a means to an end, I think--the means are often different for everyone. You want the goal, and the goal isn't "interesting sentence arrangements." The goal is to make Cam sound like Cam (fill in your own characters here lol) and the pacing and focus to be where they need to be.

[davidmariottecomics]

The Perfect (Editorial or Agent) Match

Hey there, Yogi Bear! 

To start out today's blog, I wanna talk about a kinda fun recent thing. Steve Lieber, who I've mentioned before for having his 12 point portfolio review critique without even looking, asked about the writing review equivalent. Jim Zub took a stab at it and his list is pretty good. And Chip Zdarsky's were also recommendations! And all of these are from Bluesky, so hope you can read 'em all! But, while I liked the other lists, I also had some thoughts. So my 12 critiques are here, which I consider pretty supplemental to Jim's! 

And now that you've taken all this advice and are feeling really comfortable with your script, writer-type, what're you gonna do with it?! 

What Does an Agent do? 

Before I get too far, let me make explicitly clear--I do not have an agent. I've worked with a number of agents. I know lots of creators who have them. But I don't have one myself, so I can only provide so much guidance. Okay, that disclaimer out of the way, what is a literary agent and what do they do? 

It's a lot like other forms of agents you might've heard of. Your agent is a person who supports you and represents your interests in business. They are an advocate on your behalf. This means everything from reading your manuscripts to help refine/sell them to reviewing paperwork for you to making sure you're getting paid what you're worth and more. In the book market, there are certain publishers that will almost exclusively review agented submissions--you need to have someone who has been trained to know what the publisher might want and who has access to contacts there to advocate for your work. The reason for this is often to cut down on submissions that otherwise just have to go unanswered and to preserve some level of privacy for editors. Having an agent might not work for everyone, but if you can find someone who you like working with and can afford, they're going to be a lot of help. Agents can get your work to more potential buyers, help identify where your work will best fit in the marketplace, and, again, generally advocate for you.

But just like publishers and editors, not every agent is looking for every type of story. Specific agents, and even whole agencies, can have niches that they are interested in working in and representing. This is really important when we're talking comics. There are some agents that don't really represent cartoonists because they don't do art representation. There are some agents who only do art representation and might not be the right fit if you also wanna write. There are agents who primarily focus on books for middle grade or young adult readers. There are agents who just plain don't do comics. So how do you find an agent who might be a good fit?

Manuscript Wishlist

Manuscript Wishlist (or MS Wishlist) is *an* option for finding your agent, but it's one that I think can be really helpful. The basic idea of MSWL is that the website version has vetted agents and editors who have submitted profiles explaining what they are looking for in submissions. It's built off of a Twitter system where agents and editors tag posts #MSWL to flag the sort of work they're looking for from writers. One of the things I really like about the site is that in addition to details on what the agents and editors are looking for, and how to go about querying them, a lot of folks also take advantage of the sidebars that include things like lists of "what I like" so you can get an even clearer idea of if your work will mesh well with their interests and if your personalities will mesh well while looking to work together. 

There are a ton of other resources out there for how to write good queries and each agency/agent/publisher/editor is going to have their own submission guidelines that you'll have to look up and follow--so I won't get into those--but this is a way to start seeing who might be interested in building a relationship with you. 

Also, keep an eye on Publishers Marketplace. This is a primary source for what publishing deals are happening. Maybe you want to submit a query to an agent about a talking dog. Might be good to check publishers marketplace to make sure that agent didn't just sell a book about a talking dog. 

MSWL Editors

MSWL also includes editors and for similar reasons. Editors have things they're interested in working on and it helps clarify to agents and to unagented folks what sort of titles they might be interested in acquiring. I *do not* currently have a MSWL set up on my own because I am not currently seeking submissions (sorry), but next time I think I might be, I'm going to be looking into it because I know what sort of stories I like to tell and what I would like to see from other folks. 

Obviously, if you don't have an agent, double-check that the editor you're submitting to accepts unagented submissions. That's hugely important. But especially in comics, only taking agented submissions is uncommon. And if an editor is making clear what they'd like to acquire, you wanna get it in front of them because that is the most direct pipeline to traditional comics publishing. But it's also worthwhile to remember that because of how agents and editors work together, there's a lot of outreach between the two where editors are searching for talent, but only want to reach out, not be reached out to--especially if you're looking to do work on an existing property, rather than an original. 

Now I'm gonna go batten down the hatches and prepare to ride out the rest of the coming storm! 

See ya next time! 

What I enjoyed this week: Blank Check (Podcast), Dungeons & Daddies (Podcast), Craig of the Creek (Cartoon), Honkai Star Rail (Video game), My Adventures with Superman (Cartoon), The Broken Room by Peter Clines (Book), Crime Scene Kitchen (TV show), Dumbing of Age (Webcomic), Shortpacked (Webcomic--though some of these pop culture strips sure are dated and/or in poor taste!), Solve This Murder (Podcast), Praise Petey (Cartoon), the acoustic Sonic Symphony performance at the Speed Cafe (see below), at time of posting having power and not a lot of rain/hurricane weather, owning (but not having watched yet) the Venture Bros finale movie, getting 3 5-star (the best possible) character pulls in a row in Honkai (but not the character I really wanted, who I only have like 9 days to get now if I can...). 

New Releases this week (8/16/2023): Brynmore #2 (Editor) Godzilla: The War for Humanity #1 (Editor) Sonic the Hedgehog #63 (Editor)

Final Order Cut-Off next week (8/21/2023--last day to get your preorders in): Brynmore #3 (Editor) Godzilla: The War for Humanity #2 (Editor) Sonic the Hedgehog: Amy's 30th Anniversary Special (Editor)

New Releases next week (8/23/2023): Godzilla Monsters & Protectors: All Hail the King TPB (Editor--on the latter half)

Announcements: Becca is at Cartoon-a Palooza in Temecula on 9/15 & 9/16. It's a cool free all-ages little con, so come on out and see them! 

Wanna support me? Consider joining my Patreon! This week, in addition to this blog (but without the Patreon plugs!) and one of my legacy blogs, I shared for the $10 and up members the script (and some extras) for my Beast Wars 2022 Annual story, "Rhinox's A-Maze-ing Adventure". You can only see it there! And I'll have more scripts, pitches, comics, etc going up in the weeks and months to come! Also coming soon, just coordinating with Becca, we'll be releasing a tease of a new comic we're working on together. It'll be on both our Patreons, but if you like art and adult art in particular, definitely don't miss Becca's either! 

Or, you can buy something from my webstore! A lot of what is there is no longer in print and won't be going back to print anytime soon to my knowledge. The stock I have up is pretty much the stock I have. And you can get it signed and personalized and sent to you for a pretty reasonable price which includes shipping.  Alternatively, I still have a few things up on eBay and I'm going to be adding a few more! 

Sorry to be hyping ways to send me money so much recently, but between rising rent and utility and gas costs, not so rising work hours/pay for Becca and I, and us also trying to plan a wedding for a year from now, money's been tight a lot! I know that's the case all around, and if you have been supporting me in any way, it has not gone unnoticed at all! This week, Becca and I checked out a venue that we really like for the ceremony and reception. So, hoping we can make that happen! 

Pic of the Week: I referenced it earlier, but the Sonic Speed Cafe pop-up here in San Diego did a special mini acoustic performance of the Sonic Symphony that's about to be touring the whole world! So we had three musicians in the restaurant playing some Sonic hits! It was a lot of fun! 

[saradotpsd]

An obsessive girl’s guide to books about obsession

Originally posted on Medium here.

The word obsession and its variations will appear in this piece at an annoying rate for you, I’m sorry in advance.

I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole and I’m enjoying it too much to leave. It is eye opening as much as it is relatable though. Books depicting obsession have been a sort of obsession for me, I’m fascinated by these helpless characters and the situations they end up in because of their intense feelings, and it was delicious losing myself in their plots.

I’ve been looking for these books because I wanted a mirror to my OCD that makes me think “oh.. so this is what my intensity of feelings looks like”, and now that I’ve found a bunch of them, I had to compile a list of every single one I’ve read.

I tried to add as many types of obsessions in these recommendations other than romantic obsession, even though that was the one that held my curiosity the most. This list will be updated as I go through more and more books in the future, but this piece starts with the first 8 books I read, and I’m doing them in the order I read them in.

The first 8 books I read so far

An Apprenticeship or thee Book of Pleasures by Clarice Lispeector

6*

On obsessive love

In this book we follow Clarice, a woman who is trying to bridge the gap between her loneliness and the passion she. harbors for Ulisses, who takes it upon himself to guide her through that path.

This book made me develop an alter ego. It made me kill my old self and create a sexier one out of it. I didn’t plunge into this genre willingly, the interest was sparked by the character portrayal in this book, I was so amused by it that I started seeking more books with similarities to this, from the way the book made me imagine Clarice, to the intense feelings and the way they’re depicted, to the progression of these feelings towards the end, all of this had me hooked and already thinking of what I want my next read to be like (and what I want my next outfit to look like).

My Husband by Maud Ventura

4*

On obsessive & controlling love

A tale of a wife too engulfed by her love for her husband to the point where she doesn’t have more to give to her own kids. The main character loves her husband, a little too much, the cup overflows a little bit and seeps through into her sanity. She keeps notes detailing her husband’s whereabouts, she has a separate notebook where she writes down his “hurtful actions” and the punishment she would give him for each. She’s not exactly the perfect wife otherwise either, with her own shortcomings and her own mishaps, but she still attributes them all to how much she loves him. This gets good when we read the Epilogue.

I was feeling for her the entire time, I didn’t know if I should feel seen or called out because almost the entire time my main thought was “I should probably not love someone ever, because this is how much I’ll love them, to the point where my OCD will push me off the edge”. This book was the first one I read where obsession is a main theme, and it has led me to the rest of the titles in this list.

Read this if you’re interested in these themes: flawed people, detrimental relationships, obsession, unhinged characters. Most importantly read this if you’re okay with books were no one is a good guy, no morals here just obsessive vibes.

New Animal by Ella Baxter

3*

On obsessive grief

Amelia is a cosmetician, at her family’s mortuary. Amelia loses her mom. Amelia goes into a haunting metaphorical journey and a quite literal one to escape that grief. But in her mind that is her way of grieving.

This may not have been a good choice for me to read but only because BDSM is not really an area for me to look into. The book otherwise had a depth that goes beyond it’s main plot. We see parent-children relationships being dissected in a way only all of us would relate to, especially the part where Amelia needs one parent when she’s away from them but she couldn’t stand whichever one she’s around, aren’t we all a little like that?

This book also discusses grief and goes in depth in how it engulfs you within it, so a trigger warning here if you can’t handle this because it does go deep about it. It also details the escapist ways people turn to to escape their grief.

This may not exactly deal with obsession, but I wanted to add it to the list anyway because of the familial attachment aspect and how that itself can be a form of anxious obsession laying dormant in most if not all of us

Acts of Desperation by Megan Nolan

6*

On obsessive love

Our main character is unnamed, perhaps on purpose. She falls into obsessive love with Cieran, the type of obsessive love where you lose yourself completely into the other person, unknowingly but willingly giving them a hold over you that you can’t escape by the time you notice it.

This is a narrative of the rejection that is breed within a person when the other is obsessed with them, and it is also a narrative of the obsession wee develop with someone when they reject us. It is a big mess of overflowing emotions and how nothing that intense is ever gratified. It encapsulates the disappointing reality of obsession.

My best recommendation on this entire list. I wish I started with it and I wish I ended with it, but it happened to be a little in the middle, fueling me to search for more books that will hopefully match up to the quality and realistic portrayal of obsession this one has. No other book has done it so far, except thee first book maybe.

I’ve seen some contradicting opinions about the ending though, and without any spoilers, I think it was rather realistic and was merely hated because of how it was out of character for those who relate to our unnamed character’s behavior through out the rest of the book.

Wilful Disregard by Lena Andersson

2*

On obsessive love

If I’m being honest, this one blended in with others in my mind and I had to go back and remember the plot.

Our main character, Ester, is a rational woman with a steady career and a steady relationship, or so she thought, until she experienced what the depths of love feel like after she wrote a piece on Hugo Rask.

Would you rather be in an all encapsulating obsessive love with all of its falls, or in a healthy boring relationship devoid of any feelings? This is my most memorable part about reading in this book and it wasn’t really the focus of it. But I think of this often and of whether or not a combination of both is ever attainable. For someone with OOCD or any personality disorder, they mess up the way we feel, display, or even. receive love. And so we wonder if there is ever a happy ending to our undying devotion and borderline unhealthy way of feeling love. It takes over us to the point where good feelings mesh with guilt and shame and a feeling of doom, that it will never be satisfied, and has it ever? Or have we simply gotten bored and moved on to the next obsession because without it, love doesn’t feel real, its not love if it doesn’t completely drown us?

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

5*

On predatory obsessions

In this book we follow Vanessa’s journey, alternating between the past and the present, slowly unraveling to us what happened to her when she was fifteen, her story is uncovered to us simultaneously as she slowly starts to realize the abuse and grooming that she has gone. through. We know it from the start but she doesn’t, she finishes the book along with us although her realization comes later than ours.

There is obsessive love, and then there is predatory obsession (for lack of a better term), and while the latter is in no way related to the types of obsession a normal person would have, but I think it is important to read this book.

Lolita has grown up and is experiencing the realization of what had really happened to her. And it is a tale all too familiar with too many women, even if we were to disregard any age restrictions from it. Too many women have experienced something, that no matter how obviously traumatizing it was, they were still never sure if it was really a bad experience or just a normal thing that happens to all women at some point. Until the day comes when they can’t deny it anymore.

Vanessa does not fit the checklist of what the perfect victim should be like in order to gain the support of the people and to be believed. Vanessa is human. That aspect of this narrative and specifically the flaws of Vanessa are the most important part of the book to me, and what makes it an. necessary read especially for those who don’t believe women. Those who scramble to find a flaw so they can finally find a reason to hate a woman, to unleash all their loathing and have a “reason” for it.

Cursed Bread by Sophie Mackintosh

3*

On obsessive fantasies

You will never guess what is the historic event that served as a launchpad to this novel. But the book has nothing to do with it really, it is just a spin on one possible storyline happening within that event.

Elodie is a baker’s wife who feels so unloved by her husband that when. she is introduced to a new couple, she develops an obsession with the both of them. Does she want to be with them? does she want to embody them? perhaps both. We follow her as she peers into their life, slowly seeping into their daily activities and the way with which their obsession with each other is displayed. She. has no clue how they portray her though, not even when she thinks she does.

I’m trying to have have opinions on this book but I cannot come up with a single one, it was simply an enjoyable read especially because of how peculiar its base story is.

I’m a Fan by Sheena Patel

4*

On an obsession with a parasocial relationship

I’m giving this 4 stars overall because of the themes discussed in this book, ranging from racism to classicism and much more. But I’d give the obsession part 2.5 stars if I’m being real.

The characters in this novel are unnamed, our main character is obsessed with “the man she wants to be with”, who in turn is obsessed with “the woman she’s obsessed with” despite being in a healthy relationship with “her boyfriend” who loves her dearly. She is pushed to the limit because of her obsession. She has a complete disregard to the people in her life and her life’s focus and purpose is to be with the man she wants to be with, as is thee case with most obsessive feelings.

Just like most obsessive feelings, we see glimpses of the unsatisfied craving all over the novel despite the main character being completely oblivious with them, another realistic portrayal of the futility of obsession. You are completely enamored with something or someone, but there’s no happiness when you finally get it. You might obsess over more and more and more. Or you might move on to another obsession that proves this feeling is only folded over itself and is never about the person or thing you direct it to. Or worse, you might get disappointed and plunged into the emptiness of the mundane. What did we think the happy ending of obsession would be anyway?

I inhaled these books all back to back so fast that the more mediocre ones of them became kind of a blur at this point and I had to go back and remind myself of what they were about, so I hope my reviews were not lacking because of this. But some of them were so good they still take a seat at the front of my mind and I compare every similar book to them.

I hope they spark your interest and I’d love to discuss them with you.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading ❤

[cherrymoonvol6]

some videos i watched in 2022

Harry Potter (Shaun)

if you are familiar with shaun you’ll know he’s more about that breadtube pipeline compared to those who stick to critiques and essays about media, but this video works as a blend between these two. it’s not necessarily focused on the narrative thread of the story, but things will pop up about it every now and then, and having read the books back when i was a teen it was interesting to hear his thoughts and how he breaks down the story. what i find great about this video (and what i would say sets it apart from other dissections of this franchise) is the focus on the characters and story-beats from the context of who is writing it. this includes discussions of other book she’s written and some context about her real life, so if you’re tired of the discourse surrounding this woman, then i would suggest you don’t watch it. otherwise, this is a nicely paced, calmly delivered exploration of some of the most controversial aspects of this book saga.

viewing recommendation: it serves pretty well as a podcast, although there are some visual elements that pop out here and there that you might want to look at. since shaun’s voice is pretty slow and steady, 1.25x speed works just fine.

Elden Ring - A Shattered Masterpiece (Joseph Anderson)

i discovered joe this year through his odyssey video (also pretty good!), and having gotten into a lot of gaming content in 2020 i felt like my hunger for critiques and video essays about games was finally being satiated. that said, joe’s video on elden ring doesn’t necessarily focus on the narrative: the meat of it is on the gameplay and how the game fails to live up to his own hype as you approach its final stretch. having experienced the release of this game through the eyes of other content creators, i was under the impression that this game was universally loved and admired (and even won Game of The Year), so this perspective was incredibly intriguing to me. i do recommend watching this if you’ve ever had any sort of experience with dark souls/bloodborne/sekiro, be it even just being aware of what they’re about and what they’re known for. otherwise i don’t think you’d get that much from this video, as there’s not really a narrative analysis to get a hold of the plot and story of the game. it’s not like joe doesn’t explain most of it (he has to justify that 1.5 hour runtime), so give it a try nonetheless.

viewing recommendation: there are some sections that flow better as a podcast and others where you’ll want to see what joe is talking about, so judge for yourself. joe is also a slow speaker, so 1.25x will do the job.

Why Stranger Things 5 (Probably) Won't Be Good | Story Analysis (Local)

while this is a relatively new channel, the quality of the production and the structure of it is pretty astounding. if you were in tumblr at any point this year you MUST have heard about this season so maybe this will satisfy your curiosity about the series - that, if you haven’t watched it. to everyone else, well, go feast my children. what i really appreciate about this video is that 1) although i am biased towards longer videos (this is the shortest of this list, at ten minutes) not a single moment of this video feels wasted, and 2) the clear focus on the show as a narrative device, and treating characters as what they are: inventions meant to serve the story. while this is not necessarily a fresh perspective, i do feel people sometimes forget that characters don’t have a life beyond what’s presented in canon, and it’s good to reel that in. i also recommend checking this channel in general: there are few videos, but maybe you’ll find some other media he’s analyzed that you’ll vibe with.

viewing recommendation: it’s just ten minutes long... just sit and watch all of it. i’m a big believer of SPEED in my youtube videos, but this one feels too fast in anything above 1x speed.

The Forgotten Disaster of the SS Eastland (Ask a Mortician)

i came to know about this video through the “controversy” surrounding it - fret not, as it was simply about youtube’s flawed policy around age restriction, which another famous youtube channel (SummoningSalt) had also talked about around that time. while i’ve never had any interest in the channel, i decided to take a look at the offending video out of spite for youtube being a cunt and i ended up loving it. it’s a really well put together investigation about, well, the disaster of the ss eastland, presented in a documentary form. i’ll say right now that i’ve never been fond of documentaries because i feel like they explore every subject extremely superficially and i hate not getting answers to my questions, but this video delves into every topic it presents all while still having great pacing. more than anything, you can feel the love put into every part of this video: the images used, the testimonies, the people interviewed, the care in which it treats this tragedy. it’s a great viewing experience and i cannot state how glad i am that my time wasn’t wasted, at all.

viewing recommendation: since it’s pretty much a documentary, i’d say just watch the entire thing. i’m a 1.25x speed addict, as you sure have noticed by now, but i guess anything between 1x and 1.25x is fine.

Why WandaVision Is Bad At Mysteries (James Woodall)

another show i expect you to at least know half a thing about. of course, as the average hater™ i love to see criticism of popular media, but james goes the extra mile by analyzing the show by the standards of every story involving a mystery. it’s a well researched video and very fun to watch, and what felt missing from other people talking about this show.

viewing recommendation: the video has a pretty high production value, so i had the most fun actually watching it. 1.25x speed works fine too.

(looks like i can’t embed more than 5 videos, gosh darn it, so i’ll get creative for the rest)

I Debunked Every "Body Language Expert" on Youtube (münecat)

i’ve been starving for a good video that covered this topic and this one does the job pretty well. granted, it’s presented in a humorous way you might not like (i’d say just skip those sections), the audio quality is surprisingly not good (maybe watching it not on headphones could help?), and the person who talks is british (i can’t do anything about that, sorry), but it’s very well researched and worth it for the information it presents alone. i’d even say it’s a must watch if you’re in any way keeping up with celebrity “drama”, since we both know you won’t read any of the papers münecat presents in her video.

viewing recommendation: i have a short attention span when watching long videos like these, so i did it while doing mindless stuff on the side and switching back to the video whenever i deemed it appropriate. 1.25x could be a little overwhelming in certain sections.

The Lesbian Gaze (verilybitchie)

i’ve taken a likening to verilybitchie’s videos because, although i do not always agree with her opinions, i can always appreciate how they bring a fresh perspective to different media and historical events. i cannot tell you how BORED i am of 15 minute videos about topics that have about the same substance as me searching said topic on twitter and reading the top 10 tweets about it. i really like how the video uses this interesting premise to actually say really interesting things about the male gaze and movies about queer women. and i would say, don’t stop there: maybe verity’s already talked about some other topic or media you’re interested about, and whatever her takes are, they’re never boring.

viewing recommendation: gaze is in the title, so watching the video is actually crucial to its content. however, the video is heavily censored for very obvious reasons. they do have a non-censored version available, although you’d have to sign to their patreon to get it.

from my fair lady to he's all garbage (julia cudney)

i can say julia’s content has aged as she has: while her first videos were very nitpicky, cinemasins style of rapid-fire vapid criticism, now she’s put on the work to have a really interesting video analyzing the media that inspired “she’s all that” and its very recent gender-bent remake. you can be a hater™ while also learning about other works that are crucial in understanding the trope “she’s all that” borrows from. we all win.

viewing recommendation: i am very fond of julia’s editing. maybe it’s because she just strikes the zillennial style that caters specifically to Me, but i do recommend watching the video to get the most out of it. and as usual, 1.25x speed is a welcome tool.

YMS: The Lion King (Part 1) (YourMovieSucksDOTorg)

if you have ever encountered adam’s channel before it’s probably because you can’t resist to the innate clickbaitery of his channel name, and i’ll admit i’m not fond of some of his content. i don’t like to waste time with people that think movies are trash because they have a few plot holes or some other bazillion nitpicks you can poke through it. it’s the same reason why i tend to avoid discussions on one piece of media above 4 hours: to me, a video that long has long lost its value and only wants the credits to say “hey, i once made a 5 hour long video essay :D”. some of adam’s YMS videos fall on that trap and it infuriates me, as i feel like my time has been lost. but his video on the lion king 2019 remake is a genuine, loving exploration of how great the original work is - and how it remains one of the best animated movies of all time - all while tearing its cash-grabbing remake to shreds for not understanding what made the movie great in the first place. a MUST watch if you also hate these soulless “live-action” remakes.

viewing recommendation: there’s a lot of value in what’s shown on screen (especially considering how lifeless the remake looks), but some sections make use of the editing and production better than others. you be the judge of that. and 1.25x speed is a good tool to keep the pacing bearable.

[szarolina]

Hiii! I’d also like to take up Japanese, but beyond memorizing the Hiragana and Katakana characters I’m not exactly sure how to proceed with vocab and learning Kanji at the same time.

Do you have a plan/sources that you stick to? I also like how your sheets are organized! Did you do them yourself?

Hi there! ♡

First of all I should stress that my experience may be slightly different since I was learning Japanese via university course, with help from a tutor. However, I'll try to answer the best I can.

Get a textbook. It will provide you a structure and introduce to basic grammar points in suitable order, together with kanji and vocabulary. My knowledge isn't very broad here, because we used a specific series in class which is Minna no Nihongo (probably one of, if not The most common one). The significant disadvantage is that it's written entirely in Japanese, so not exactly the best for total beginners who don't have exercises explained by a teacher BUT there's also an English book "Translation and Grammar notes" which, as it says, includes translations of dialogues, texts, example sentences, etc. + vocabulary lists for every chapter alongside very neatly explained grammar points and grammar structures, so I can't stress enough how profitable it is to get it too. Apart from these, I also came across a kanji book. Fortunately, pdfs can be retrieved from google (hit me up if you're interested and have problems with finding them). I've also seen praising reviews of Genki, I looked it through and apparently also have everything what one could expect from a regular textbook, just better divided on different grammar/vocabulary/reading/so on parts than Minna and, unlike MnN, it's written in English.

About kanji and vocab. You probbaly noticed that things like nouns, verbs, adjectives and such are often written with kanji, so it may seem a natural move to learn all these kanji at once while learning vocabulary. I'm saying - not exactly. The good thing is that for the beginning you can write new words only in hiragana (or katakana) memorize them, and later "match" kanji to them (not like in mandarin chinese, yes, i'm looking at you mandarin). For example, you found out that "to study" is べんきょう する (benkyō suru). It's ok to write it this way and later replace "べんきょう" part with kanji (勉強する). We did it at the course, I had been knowing only hiragana writings for maaaany words and only after some time introduced kanji to them, gradually. Otherwise I would end up having to learn hundreds of kanji early on and I'd definitely feel discouraged by that.

About kanji and readings. It somehoew refers to what I wrote above. Don't memorize ALL possible readings of a kanji without using them in practice. For example, according to a dictionary kanji 人 "human, man, person" has five different readings: ジン, ニン, ひと, り, と. It looks like kun/on readings soup. What's a better way? You learnt that "person" (人) is pronounced ひと. Or "population" (人口) is じんこう (see ジン reading here?). Wait, that's better - "doll/puppet" which is にんぎょう (人形). You see my point?

Summing it a bit up, when making a vocabulary list, firstly write words in hiragana/katakana and if you at some point learn a kanji for some of these words, replace them using that kanji. When learning kanji themselves, sure, learn how to write them, stroke by stroke, even memorize their basic meanings, however, if learning pronounciation (readings), add a word, two, three containing these kanji alongside the full reading.

I'm planning to make a kind of masterlist of resources I personally use but for now I can recommend dictionaries like jisho (online) or kanji dictionary (Kodansha Kanji Learner's Dictionary). For extra grammar explanation "Tofugu" and "Tae Kim's Guide to Learning Japanese" websites or a book "Dictionary of Basic Japanese Grammar" are good sources. The sheets you're asking about I made myself. Kanji are from class and featured in Minna books, verbs as well but mostly taken from another Kodansha book. Like I wrote, I'm going to list everything in a separate post so just give me a moment to compile it :)

Sorry for the lenghty answer, not sure if that's what you expected but I hope I helped!

[not-poignant]

hello! thank you for replying to my ask abt finding the enthusiastic consent post. i’d like to ask about your approach towards writing death? whether it’s evolved over the years? the representation of death in media vs your own preferred version in fiction. also! what does death mean to ash glashtyn?

Hi anon!

Those are some huge questions, and I definitely can't answer them all in a lot of detail otherwise I'd be writing a 6,000 word post. So I think we need a cliff notes version or something.

I suppose I'd first say there's a lot of different kinds of deaths, and a lot of different ways to feel about it. So I can't give you a neat answer because my approach to writing death is 'treat every situation as unique' and not some kind of unified approach?

I don't even treat it with the same level of respect every time, depending on whether the death is a character we've never gotten to know, vs. if it is one we have, vs. (in the case of murder) how the character doing the character feels about it, vs. whether the character dying is a villain or a hero or neither. How I approach Augus hunting vs. Gwyn killing the otterkind family vs. Mikkel dying were all extremely different. There's no...similarities between them re: how I thought about them!

Therefore, I don't know whether that's something that's evolved over the years. The fact is, I don't sit there thinking 'what's my approach to writing death' before writing it, I just write it. I know I'm influenced by the many books I've read and philosophies I've read and more, but I don't have rules about it or anything like that. I just try and write it with the weight it deserves in the moment. Sometimes, that's no weight at all. Sometimes it's with a great deal of lasting gravitas. Death is ordinary and profound depending on who it's impacting, why, and how folks are thinking about it. And that's the same as with everything ordinary and profound (like sex, and people being born, and everything in between).

the representation of death in media vs your own preferred version in fiction

Tbh idk! There is no unified, universal way of 'representing death in the media.' It changes! It changes within the same series! How Scrubs wrote death in its media depended on the characters being impacted and the point of it! Sometimes it was comical and mundane, sometimes it would have you weeping, there's no such thing as a unified representation of 'death in the media' and I don't have a 'preferred version' in fiction. I have written mundane death, unimportant death, ugly death, grotesque death, meaningful death, profound death. And as with everything, it just depends on what that part of the story calls for.

I would also say quite honestly I don't really care about how I represent it that much. Like, I care as much about it as I do about any part of my writing. It's not a core reason behind why I write and it's not crucial or fundamental or really important in many of my stories. Like, it's not that 'I don't care' - but I'm not researching death and the symbolism of death the way I'm researching trauma and trauma recovery, anon. I have only ever bought one book on death. I have bought over 50 on trauma.

(For those curious about death narratives in general, I highly, highly recommend the series Six Feet Under, which was quite ahead of its time across a few different areas, but is one of the best shows - hands down - for the many different ways we can look at death, and the many different things it can mean to us, from nothing, to everything).

what does death mean to ash glashtyn?

You're not gonna like this anon, because my answer is going to be 'see above.'

As in, it depends! How Ash feels about his own death changes over time. How he feels about the deaths of others depends on who it is that's dying, and his connection to that person, and that will also not be static and going to change over time!

I don't actually know of anyone who always sees death the same way, of every person, all the time, always. That doesn't mean people like that aren't out there! But generally speaking how someone feels about the death of say, weeds they're pulling out of the garden, is going to be very different to their own death, the concept of death, and the death of their loved ones. We are often negotiating our relationship with death, from the moments we don't negotiate it at all because we deem the death/s insignificant (people killing cockroaches come to mind, or people not thinking about the creatures in their back garden dying every second), to the moments we deem it significant because of the person's closeness to the person or creature (or plant or object) that has died.

The ordinary/profound things in life just require a natural fluidity, because they're not static even though they're ever-present. I can't pin any single thing down on the page, anon, because there are an infinite number of ways to respond to and think about death, and an infinite number of ways for the mass media to conceptualise it, and for folks like me to write it.

I have no rules, I have no single approach. Sometimes it matters, sometimes it doesn't. It's...very...not something I can pin down, I'm afraid!

[luvbookspace]

Bunny by Mona Awad

It started with the dazzling cover, and then after reading the scalding blurb of the book, I was quite intrigued to know what might happen in it but every hope I had, was crushed down to nothing, maybe I was expecting more out of this book but it was little banal at most.

The blurb promises something ominous, and that was an ample reason for me to continue reading this book, otherwise, I would have dropped it a long time ago. The writing style is not adept, it’s unnecessarily descriptive which might confuse the reader (which it actually did). And after a point, it was a little too predictable, but I still flounced my way through the book. I guess it was too much girlie drama for me, I kinda avoid it (one of the reasons why I don't like TVD), but if you're a sucker for such stories, then this might be the book for you as one review said: " It's like Mean Girls with added menace."

There are some repugnant scenes, so maybe a trigger warning. Maybe I was expecting something much darker out of this book. Idk.

And I’m really excited to see the arrant adaptation of this book which will be handled by Bad Robot. So, let’s wait for that too.

Other than that, I would totally recommend you this book to know your opinion on the same.

Happy reading!