#see how far I can get tonight
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JANITOR TURNED STUDENT??! NO WAY
#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#I'm having fun playing twst :33#a lot of my thoughts might be like this.. sigh...#I still think Crowley is silly too#a cool character ngl :33#alright I'm gonna go back to playing#see how far I can get tonight
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A Linked Universe meets The Dark Crystal AU! I don't even remember what started it at this point. I remembered that the Dark Crystal and Age of Resistance are things I like, blinked, and woke up three days later with an AU and a bunch of art.
The designs and the story are a wip and for fun so expect a lot of variation! (I have a few different beginnings, ideas for different designs, etc)! :D
In addition to #linked universe I'll be using the tags #the dark crystal lu au and #courage of the dark crystal!
#linked universe#tdc aor#the dark crystal lu au#courage of the dark crystal#lu au au#lu legend#lu hyrule#lu four#lu wind#I've made an au of the au I've gone too far help help-#I gotta get better at drawing gelfling! Their facial structures are very distinct#ALSO I went really big with the ears here lmao#the hugest ears ever seen on gelfling#TRANS ROOLIE TRANS ROOLIE TRANS ROOLIE YIPPEE!!!!#I drew this last month (except for Four) sO HAPPY PRIDE! Roolie gets WINGS! :D#I'm SO pleased with Wind's design! he's a lil fishy! and Four with the horned headband/armor in place of the lil ups in his bangs#gonna try to put the aureyal or symbol of the conjunction and triangles on all of them#IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE AU PLS ASK THEM#I'd love to tackle some worldbuilding mayhaps?!#I'm thinking of placing them somewhere before the first battle of stone-in-the-wood in the arathim wars#or after the events of the comics with Kensho and Thurma somewhere#and just figure out another reason for the crystal to be shattered. so many possibilities!#where's the crystal shard this time and how can I split it between them? >:3 niiiiine shards made whole >:3#quest for the ~~triforce~~ crystal#Hello from summer camp also! Lots of shenanigans!#I'm surprised I was able to draw Four at all last weekend I've been so busy!!!#having fun tho!!! we're having a lunch cookout at archery and campfire is tonight!!! It's going good! see ya!!!
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HELLO AGAIN I'm here to say that If your art was any type of food it would be a really, really, REALLY fancy 5 course meal with perfectly cooked food and dessert, BASICALLY WHAT IM SAYING IS THAT YOUR ART IS SO GOOD ITS WORTH EATING :3333 (I love looking at your art everyday 🤤)
AWWW thank you so much !! that's so lovely of you to say (❁´◡`❁) !! i always look forward gettin to draw stuff, so i'm happy to hear my stuff's as enjoyable for others as it is for me to make !!!!!
#fave#snap chats#everyones been so nice .... youre all so very lovely and supportive i cant stress this enough .. it really keeps a guy motivated 🤧🤧🤧#that time to draw for myself seems so finite this month its makin me antsy BUT I WILL TRY REGARDLESS !!! for us all#novembers an evil month .. and dont even get me STARTED on december .. but if theres a will theres a way !!!! i always find a way#i think ima doodle ooonnee more thing in response to an ask then i wanna see how far i can sketch a personal goofy thing tonight#god speakin of varietized courses ive just been postin mostly goofy stuff havent i- and the next thing i have in mind Is Goofy#what can i say im a goofy guy ... but i do wanna tap into my Slightly angstier stuff. just a lil. for a chance in flavor#regardless i hope you'll come to enjoy both !!!!! and whatever else i manage to draw this upcoming week !!!#it probably. wont be much if anything I Will Be Busy but next weekend for sure :]]
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#supposed to log good things#most of day was negative feelings and sadness#then. i remember feeling good#and then. tthe good went away#rreplaxed with the usual self doubt and loathing#the feelings of undesirability#the wish that i was. attractive in any way to anyone close to me that anyone wanted to. touch me#that i wasn't horrifically gross and disgusting#do the people who hold me do it out of pity? am i really so awful#pictures get a lot of praise#sometimes#less so lately#maybe the novelty of my personality has worn off#maybe seeing how broken i am#such a shambling wailing mess of a girl#....has made people realize how ugly i am#i don't know. its hard to care most nights#I'm supposed to feel better in the mornings#i don't usually#I used to#now i just feel..... dead inside#like a walking corpse#some part of me wants to make that reality#sigh.#anyway.#im sorry you had to read this whoever you are that's made it this far#it's a cry for help but my discord status says don't message me so it's. probably not gonna get much lol#.....i guess uh. if you've read this far and do want to say something you can take this tag in particular as a one time pass to do so#....i make no guarentees I'll respond but i will guarentee that i won't kill myself. at least not tonight or even any time this week
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Uh oh. Essay in readmore time
What's so frustrating is that for almost all of my life I didn't know I had adhd, and only found it out 5ish years ago
During ALL of my studies i was intensely freaked out and even when i got a grip on some of my mental health shit at uni, importantly I was still unaware of the adhd. And only had some professional tell me about their suspicion about it AFTER I could have received any support in my schooling.
And I have been working damn hard over the last half a decade to learn about myself and the way I work, and be kind to myself and open minded, and learnt from many many different people with adhd how they function - especially through advice on here bc much of Google is shit, and learnt what does and doesn't work for my personally.
I slowly unravelled and found myself. To a point where I'm actually functional and content in myself.
So now i find myself in the most intense, stressful period of my life since then. Grieving and finally understanding what people meant when they spoke about grieving a very close loved one. How nothing feels real even.
And I've found myself so extremely wired from having to do a very vast array of tasks all crammed into a short space of time with a close deadline - exactly the same conditions as during my studies.......... where nothing ever helped.
Yet. In the last thirty minutes I've unwound because I instinctively KNEW what to do. I found myself following all the things i taught myself about my adhd, and now I'm like 70% more chill???? Huh?????? Noticed suddenly that I've been using my ADHD self knowledge for the past few weeks and coped remarkably well because of it.
It's shocking because imagine what i could have done if I had ANY help with my adhd EVER in my life from the adults who were supposed to notice in my entire childhood. Like HUHHHHHH, I am shocked. Imagine how I'm here as an adult using 5 years of learning adhd related advice and stuff I learnt through self awareness .... and feeling better.
SHOCKING!!!!
PS - long ass tags that immediately ramble away from my initial post and go into something positive and that made me feel fluffy inside. You've been warned
#It's so fucking aggravating#i was a self contained child and didn't display the Expected ADHD traits or what fucking ever and so i got left to rot by the system#fantastic#sighhhhh but on the bright side - i am damn PROUD of myself tonight. I've come so far#It's very hard being neurodivergent and I'm doing amazing by own like standards#btw secret lore - first time i ever said aloud that i was proud of myself was in therapy like 6 years ago#and it was indescribably hard to get to that stuttered halting sentence 'i am proud of myself'. so hard and my therapist was so clearly#over the moon for me. i still treasure that memory and the path i have taken to being kind to myself and that's why every time i say#i am proud of myself#it holds the memory of every time I've ever said it or thought it and believed it#every time i see someone do something good i make sure to say well done because I'm proud of them too :-)#i do it apparently with such conviction and sincerety that people stop and stumble sometimes aha#i think it's beautiful to help people notice when they do well. like 'oh skipped work every day until today' - well done u made it today!!#'i cooked a meal and got it the way my mother makes it after many failed attempts' - well done you must have worked so hard#'i made a important phone call' (from friend who has told me before how much they struggle w calls) - BIG WELL DONE that must have been har#It's easy to notice and pay attention to people and congratulate them for these things that may not sound Big bc 'everyone else can do it'#as they say. or they are too busy to notice they did something that took effort on their part. It's so wonderful to make a difference#and hope they can be proud of themselves too in that moment#man this took a positive turn.... this is something I've not really said before. but it is truly so joyful to congratulate people to me
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Ok I am officially 1.8k into the Danny bk oneshot and it’s all downhill from here 🤭
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Wait do you think the hc lady never spoke up about chairman doing things she didn't like because she'd get shot or something
#i can see that being the case#did people who disagreed with him have to be sworn to secrecy if they were fired#with possible surveillance even after leaving the job#or is it a 'two can keep secret if one of them is dead' sort of thing?#which i mean. idk how far up the system hc lady was but if she was chairmans assistant then#it sounds like it could have been the latter#was being killed only a threat for heroes like nagant who got out of line#or was it for anyone in the hc?#and probably the most important question - was chairman just crazy enough to be threatening to kill people if they disagreed with him#or is it something everyone in that position feels it 'necessary' to do?#would hc lady do the same to others in that position too?#god what the fuck is up with this place#bnha#hero commission#chairwoman#mettys posts#metty posts#sorry if im only just realising this#im thinking hc thoughts tonight#GET MY SLEEPY GUY MERA OUT OF THERE
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HI THERE
#WE'RE GETTING SOMEHWERE HELL YEAH#this is absolutely Not entirely how it's gonna look#especially bc this signature i printed is only. 3 pages. and i mgonna be doing 8.#but it was just a lil test run to see if i had stuff going the right way and i do ;;;;;;;;;#i also learned my printer can't automatically do double sided i have to reload the pages dnmanfnand#that'll be. irritating when we get that far.#but itll be FINE.#i think that's as much progress as ill be making on it tonight though#largely due to not having a paper guillotine right now. tomorrow though 👀#is also TINY btw like. so small.#gonna have to look and see if i can make it a little bit. bigger.#or ill just deal with it for this one who knows#also need to get that sweet sweet pva glue#vid#shh ac#bookbinding
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good morning!!! <333
#heh i had a lot of fun last night on the new part of the story#made it to 1-11 so bc i needed to get past 1-8 to unlock sylus as a companion#but yeah :3#i'll play more of it today & see how far i can get in the story#i really do want to add him#you should have seen me playing the game and giggling over him every two seconds#but anyways#today's a pretty normal day hehe#i hope today/tonight's good to you as well!! <333#morning rambles
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okay so labour won big why am I actually fucking terrified seeing the reform numbers
#well!! we’re going even further right i fucking guess#these are two leave voting labour seats but still that’s kinda terrifying#the tories yes were right but they weren’t all super far right and they had to at least kinda pretend to care about things#if they DO get these 13 seats that’s gonna change so much and probably push the tories even further right anyway because that’s WHY they los#they’re saying it rn! not conservative enough!#with any kind of luck the party implodes within 4 years but I don’t think that’s likely#I kinda didn’t think about how bad this would be#but yeah we have a far right doing really fucking well now and they’re gonna be in second place in a Lot of places#I’m gonna sleep soon I don’t think I can stomach staying up much later tonight#hopefully there’ll be some good news abt the greens or lib dems doing a bit better#praying we get 4 green seats#also man genuinely fuck the House of Lords but it is nice to see someone who’s not insane and just campaigning as the labour guy on bbc#praying he’s right abt reform being mostly protest votes#the reform deputy leader is. one of the most annoying people I have heard though#labour better do what they fucking promised here bc if they don’t we’re all screwed#anyway! maybe this is a sign to move to bristol. or just. move. but we are also late to the far right party party so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#luke.txt#I’m not gonna sleep properly tonight but so be it
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comic planning/roughs on the clock at work 👍 ok. this one's still a few posts out though
#god i really do just need to get a tablet or. something#some way to draw digitally on the go bc my laptop is um#at least 200% less portable than your typical old clunky laptop. its a whole ordeal#and as u can see tradish scribbles are barely usable#though i guess it would help if i ever remembered to grab something besides a shite pen at work lmao <-hates pen forever#mad bc i think this one is kind of mid+redundant for what i'd intended it to do bc of how some of the previous ones shifted#but i still gotta draw it bc one of the later ones uses it. buh#when i said these werent chronological or connected btw i lied#though only VERY VERY LOOSELY so. enough to bother *me* if i don't do them in order#but not enough that's really going to be noticeable to anyone else. they're each still intended 99% as standalone.#the arc is very minor but its there. for me. for anyone else it probably just amounts to a couple easter egg references/ consistencies#by the by the pizzaposts before this arent part of the series.#one small quickie thing and one i would...really like to get done sooner rather than later bc i need it out of my system#former's like 70% sketched im just waffling on execution#latter is uh...theres a lot there but it's harder to work on And harder tell how close to done it is.#unrelated its funny how i Always forget brick until i start putting anything down and then its like oh god yeah i can do bg Jokes with him#funny in the sense that one of my webcomic protag oc's is a...spatially similar deal as him [little kid with a big bear companion]#and i ALWAYS forget the bear when im scripting it. until i start messing with the layout and its like fuck theres a bear.#i have to do things with this now. fortunately thus far it hasn't been too hard to adapt#much rambling tonight goodbye. i haev to go block all these damn bots
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dunno if this is just placebo effect but I do feel like it's already helping a bit. usually at work I'm fighting for my life trying to write emails or ask ppl for things bc I find it so hard to put my words in order in a way that makes sense to other people but it's been 100% fine.. and I've managed to just Do every task I need so far without rly needing to think..... I feel so calm wtf
#can't really tell if I have any side effects so far. apart from dry mouth but I had that yesterday.. I think im catching my roommates cold#also a bit sweaty but thats bc we STILLLLLL dont have functional AC at work and im working with an 80c water bath this morning 😭#its like a sauna in here rip#my stomachs being weird but then again when is she not. and its usual for me to get the shits on my period#so nothing definitive......#maybe sounds strange but I also just feel more aware of my environment. normally when im walking around I look at the ground a lot#but this morning on my walk from the bus stop I realised I wasnt doing that. actually maybe first time ive even noticed I DO do that#its too early to tell if this IS from meds but we'll see the next few days.. im glad i took it on a work day bc its much easier to see-#how it might affect me. i think last time i wasnt sure if there was any effect bc it was a weekend so i didnt have much i needed to do#but also last time i didnt have any side effects until the insomnia hit so we'll see how bad tonight is 😝 at least its a friday so if-#i cant sleep i can just play elden ring its whateverrrr#.diaries
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after doing my usual lap swimming tonight i dove off the diving board a couple times and god there really is nothing like the deep end of a pool. the local pool is 12 feet deep which is deeper than anywhere that i've swum before (that's a non open body of water) and just. sitting at the bottom in the silence and the stillness with the weight of the water pressing down on you and looking up and seeing the lights and the surface so so so far away bc you are down in your little alien world and everything is calm and quiet and empty and still. i have been chasing this for nearly 27 years. when i was a kid i asked to buy a scuba tank so i could lay on the floor of a pool for an hour.
#my parents were not amenable to this desire which was fair. but i still want it now#thinking about that underwater mall in dubai that you can dive into and explore. god#i didn't stay at the bottom of the pool for as long as i wanted tonight because i don't wanna make the lifeguards' jobs harder#(in monitoring me not in like. drowning. i know how not to drown myself.)#my most ideal world remains one where i have a scuba tank that somehow has enough o2 for a week and i just sleep eat and move underwater#swim tag#there was one young girl also using the diving board who stayed in the 12 foot end treading water even tho#there's a 6 foot section perfectly accessible. presumably because the deeper and more open the water the better#i feel you girl. i used to swim across lakes unsupervised. and also swim beside my aunt's kayak when we'd go out in the ocean#i've gone much MUCH deeper than 12 feet under in lakes in the past. it was a game of#carefully measuring my breath to see how far i could get before i couldn't get back up without drowning
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started a new fic last night
im actually very excited for it :)
#idk how much i'll be talking about it while its in progress but first chapter is maybe like halfway done?#but yeah. happy with how its coming together and hopefully it'll be worth of something#the opening got positively peer reviewed so far at least so. progress#still kinda wishy-washy on my moods about writing but. im trying. my only writing promise for next year is trying to just make myself happy#yeah. thats all :)#(i also hope this shows up it seems that tumblr is very selective on what posts of mine show on the dash so. bleh)#(not that it matters much but it just makes me wonder if its me my content or nonfunctional webbed site causing it)#anyways. gonna make tea and see if i can get something done tonight#night is an absolute mess on main
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Hey hey! Was just curious as to how many writing requests you have. ADHD wants to read Eren Jeager smut (especially my request) SOO bad!! LOL.
I only have yours at the moment but im also still juggling between fics while dealing with general work/life stress 😭 Im so sorry its taking as long as it is, but i will let u know its gonna be over 1k words when its done!
#i have 500 so far. planning to add more tonight. I actually feel like I can write again so we will see how far i get#forests mailbox
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They. Had. Rings.
I'm not even 10 min into ep. 2 of To My Star 2 and I am already having too many emotions, not sure how I'll manage 10 episodes tbh @petrichoraline any survival tips?
They had rings!! (╥_╥)
#finally getting to it!!#and I'm like what? not even a year late??#I rewatched To My Star yesterday for a refresher#still loved it a LOT - barely shed a little tear and all#I thought I was so ready for this#let me tell you dears I think I am not ready at all#lets see how far I manage to go tonight (i drank a lot i can cry w/o any major risk of dehydration)#(WE'RE GOOD)
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