#second pic is the view from our dining room!!!!!

[beveragelover]

i’m a mountain guy now btw

[blurban-form]

TV Room

The room with the low-res/pixel carpet

So we’ve just come in here from the dining room by the bay window at front of the house.

So here is where we left the last room. We're now in the TV room.

If we go back to the arch, and spin around 180 degrees, now this is our view.

Step through the arch and into the room.

Here’s an incomplete inventory of major items in here:

Family portrait

Cabinet with bone on stand

Mismatched-cushion chair

Boxy/squat 3-seat couch

“Pixel” carpet

Rods-and-spheres ceiling lamp

Flatscreen TV on cabinet

Regulator-style clock

Wave/seashore two-tone artwork

Various plants

Small tables

If we assume the house faces west, we’re looking east here:

(Isometric view)

If we move so we stand with our back to the TV, we can see there are two doors on the wall with the family portrait.

If you scroll back up to the arch pic where everyone is dancing, you can see the door on the left gives you a tiny peek at the stairs by the front door.

Above: This view gives you another view through that door, a glass-door china cabinet. The door to the right of the portrait gives a view of a window (that's a part of the kitchen).

Above, a different view also showing that second door leading into the kitchen. Mum’s doing yoga.

A view of the TV.

There’s an open dark wood-and-glass door down a short hallway segment that’s to the right of the two-tone wave artwork. That door goes to a sunroom we’ll check out later.

(Behind the short wall with the wave/shoreline art is what I believe is a staircase going downstairs; we’ll talk about that later.)

This TV room is used a fair amount in "Bluey" episodes, a number of stories have taken place here.

“Cubby” compound was set up here

Simulated library

“Whale watching”

Dancing Statues

Next: Let’s go look at the sunroom.

[marmiteprinter]

Round 3 - Summer 1 (Part 2) - The Neetor Family

ROS for the Neetors states that one of them must study logic and enter a gaming competition. There's nowhere to do that in Wildflats Peninsula as TS2 required more of a LAN party setup for gaming competitions. No one owns a computer yet, as far as I'm aware, so that one won't be happening. But ROS also wants a fire to break out... I am SO glad that Pietro studied Fire Safety because he's now going to be on call when that happens...

Bethany started her round feeling very excited. It had always been her lifetime want to become a top educator and, now that there were children in the town, she was hoping Jennifer would let her become their teacher. She picked up the phone.

"Hi Jennifer! I'm calling to ask if you'll let me become the teacher for Kyle and Ramona's son and Pietro and Lucas' girls. They'll need a teacher now and... wait, what?"

It turned out that Jennifer had already anticipated this situation and had previously employed the miraculous overnight builders to construct a school in Wildflats Peninsula. She had got a grant from SimCity to put towards the education of their youngsters and told Bethany that she could definitely become the town's teacher provided she could stump up the remaining §20,000 to pay the builders.

Bethany quickly and gladly agreed. She had used most of her inheritance lump sum already, but took out a loan and paid the builders for their hard work.

The rest of this post will be a pic dump showing off Wildflats' new school!

It was not my creation - all the hard work was done by @teaaddictyt and she shows this school off on her YouTube channel here (which is where I fell in love with it). She's Australian but I guess their schools are very similar to British schools because it felt very familiar (I'm a primary teacher and it just felt like every school I've ever stepped foot in)!

I had to make a few changes because (although she does acknowledge it's CC-heavy) I didn't realise it would come packaged with all her merged CC files! I had to work out just how much I could safely delete and replace and still keep the 'essence' of the school the same.

Placing the school (which is another community lot) also unlocks 1 more CAS point, bringing the total up to 5. We may have to add a family next round!

Exterior view - the field and basketball courts will be used for Outdoor PE and occasionally for lunchtime play. We have this thing in the UK where, if it's dry enough and the kids won't get muddy, they're allowed to go and play on the big field (most schools have a field). So at lunchtime there will be times when they'll be out here playing rather than the playground.

Classroom 1 - I'm only planning to have one school, rather than a separate primary and secondary, so this will be the kids' classroom. (I know that’s mad in a BACC because it will get big eventually, but at some point I’ll just start rotating days that children come to school!)

Another view of Classroom 1.

Classroom 2 - this will be the teens' classroom. My BACC rules dictate that we can't have a second playable teacher until Bethany reaches the top of the career, a university has been unlocked and our candidate has a degree. That’s a long way off so for the time being, I will probably rotate days as I mentioned above.

Multi-purpose room. It comes shipped as an art room, but can be set up for music, indoor PE, or whatever the day's timetable dictates!

Library (with computer suite at the rear).

Entrance/Office - we won't necessarily have someone on reception but it's here for decoration anyway.

Staff room.

Headteacher's Office.

Canteen - this was an outdoor picnic area in @teaaddictyt's version, but British schools have dining halls where the kids all gather and eat indoors because our weather doesn't suit outdoor dining, so I added this.

Playground - with a covered area for shade in the summer.

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

➖ Mature content, 18+ ➖ check the trigger tags each time ➖      

Chapter 33 - Sparks. Episode 3.

----------Andy's point of view------------

Andy: I grinned cheekily at Gizmo, way too drunk for my own good, if I am forced to admit it You know… Clover ran away and I think she locked herself in the bathroom… so that means…. you're the next one on the kissing list I bumped his cheek gently in a teasing way with my fist

Gizmo: At that point almost too drunk to stand on his own legs started chuckling deeply Ahh you ssshure about that? Di-did you double check that lllissssht?

Andy: I bit my bottom lip and nodded confidently Absolutely! I checked it not 1… but 5 times!

Gizmo: Looked at me with unimpressed eyes Ssshure…. kiss me…

Andy: I grinned wide, leaned in, placing my hands on each of his cheeks, dragging his face closer, and pressed my drunken ass lips against his. They were soft and wet… and he kinda tasted like gummy bears as I quickly fluttered my tongue over his lips Mmh… you taste good… like a candy store….

Gizmo: Shook his head and chuckled softly Snow cones he pointed at the snow cone machines You want one?

Andy: Licked my lips hungry and moaned softly Thanks… but now… I'm hungry for bigger things I nodded backwards towards Daniel who had just passed us with a towel around his hips, after his second round of skinny dipping

Gizmo: Chuckled sheepishly and looked around a bit, probably searching for his own fuck buddy, but the red hair of Clover was nowhere to be seen, so he padded my shoulder strongly and pointed at Daniel I'll go get a ssschnow cone… you go… get a lollipop he winked at me thanksss for the kiss though… it was… interesting he chuckled softly and stumbled down the stairs halfway falling over a small bush I'm good' I'm good! He saluted me with a hand sign I could only laugh at LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!

Andy: I laughed to myself as I made my way to Daniel, who at this point was dancing with himself on the dance floor. And as I reached him, I threw my arms around his neck, showering him with greedy kisses, I was so horny, I felt like I could scream, and I moaned relieved as I felt Daniel lift me up, so I could wrap my arms around his waist, rubbing myself against his dick, feeling it grow hard in seconds. My kisses turned deeper and greedier, to the point of almost eating Daniel in the middle of the dance floor, but then he stopped me

Daniel: Cleared his voice and stopped kissing me, slowly turning towards Sparkle, who were observing us about 2 meters away Uhh…

Sparkle: Chuckled drunkenly It's alright boys… keep going don't mind me I noticed she had hiccups, and she was giggling in a sneaky way

Daniel: Uhhh you sure? I mean… can we have sex here… at your house?

Sparkle: Nodded her head happily Sure! Just… stay out of the main bedroom, okay… and the kitchen… and the downstairs toilet…. oh… and the bedroom toilet… and I would also prefer if you stayed out of the living room, and dining room… but… uh… library room… uh… second floor bathroom… party room and my art room… since it's also the guest bedroom… feel free to… hiccups yeah she giggled softly and sipped her beer

Daniel: He looked at me with hungry eyes and got a cheeky look on his face, then turned towards Sparkle again How about that room? He pointed backwards towards the small tree house in her garden, and I knew exactly where he was going with that. He missed Georges tree house just as much as I did

Sparkle: Nodded her head strongly Suuure darling… do as you please giggled very girlishly

Andy: I grinned wide and cheeky at her, and agreed to let her take a pic of me… that was the last she saw of me that night. For about an hour Daniel and I fucked each other in all the positions our drunken brains could come up with. And on more occasions we were so loud, that we got cheering from the garden below us. It was all I needed. All my sexual frustrations was let out. Finally. Damn it was a good birthday party!!

--------Daniels point of view--------

It was early morning as I walked Andy, Congo and Evan to the taxi… or Ace as Gizmo calls them. As they drove off, I turned around and looked at the big blue house behind me. There was still a dimmed light in the bedroom, so I guessed that was where Sparkle was. I ran up the stairs to the second floor, and while walking towards the bedroom door, I stripped myself from the towel, letting it drop on the floor as I walked into the dimmed bedroom. I did not expect she wasn't alone!!*

Sparkle: Parker!! Stop!! I observed them rumble around the bed a few seconds before I understood it was not a fun rumble Parker!! I mean it!! I noticed her voice was high pitched and tears were pressing in her eyes Please stop!! You're drunk, and you're hurting me! STOP!!!

Daniel: That fucking slimy!!! I didn't get to think further before I took 3 big steps to the bed and grabbed his shoulders, pulling him off the bed, watching him slam down on the floor, and so I quickly grabbed the back of his neck, strongly pressing his face down on the floor Are you okay?! I looked up at Sparkle with angry, yet concerned eyes

Sparkle: Looked at me shocked and confused

Daniel: Sparkle! Are you okay? Did he hurt you?

Sparkle: She kept starring at me with the same look

Daniel: I pressed him even further down, probably causing him a great deal of pain, as I also pressed one of my knees against his spine to make sure he stayed down as he started struggling to get lose. I was stronger, I knew it very well. There was no chance he would escape as I grabbed one of his wrists and forced his hand backwards, pressing it up between his shoulder pads till I heard his wrist crackle. Sparkle!!

Sparkle: She shook her head slowly

Daniel: Sparkle! If he hurt you in any way, you gotta tell me now so we can call the police! I knew this guy was bad news from the get go, and had tried to convince her to stay away from him, and I was really itching to throw him out the window Did he hurt you?

Sparkle: N-no…

Daniel: Did he penetrate you?!

Sparkle: Tears started streaming out her eyes as she seemed to realize what was happening NO! Daniel NO! I'm still in my undies… look… *she pulled her undies a bit in the elastic, and sniffled her nose, I have a couple of scratches on my hip, that's all!

Daniel: I pressed my knee harder against his spine and almost foamed around my mouth as I hissed the words out Look me in the eyes and tell me he didn't get inside you!

Sparkle: Started sobbing loudly You're scaring me!… I swear to you, it didn't get that far! I'm okay! I swear! Please let him go!

Daniel: I hesitated a few seconds, then loosened my grip and stood up, watching Parker whimper on the floor below me You get the fuck out of here faster than I can count to 10, or I will call the police! And don't ever fucking talk to her again, or as much as look her way, or so fucking help me I will rip your spine out and beat you with it! Is that clear?! I took his stumbling out of the door as a yes*

Sparkle: As I looked at her again, she was still looking at me with terrified eyes, he legs was folded up against her upper body, And she was hugging the teddy bear Congo had given her in birthday gift You're scarring me!

Daniel: I sighed deeply and softened my face, crawling up in the bed slowly, planting my hands on her knees, slowly parting her legs Can I have a look?

Sparkle: She sniffled her nose and gently pulled down the elastic of her panties, revealing two pink scratch marks on her hip. They weren't much worse than cat scratches, and I sighed relieved that I had walked in when I did I'm sorry… I should have listened to you. She looked at me with scared sad eyes, and I swear I felt like I wanted to protect her for the rest of my life, so I wrapped my arms tight around her and let her disappear in my arms Thank you her voice was soft and shaky but please don't ever get that scary again…

Daniel: I kissed her hair gently and caressed her back, as I used to do with Andy back at Congo's ranch, before that little maggot had replaced me with Evan! I chuckled at the thought.

Sparkle: What? The sound of her voice was muffled as she was pressed tight against my chest

Daniel: I think I broke his wrist.

Sparkle: She pulled away from me and chuckled softly I hope so! Daniel: We curled up next to each other in bed, I dried the tears from her cheeks with my palms, and promised to stay awake watching over her till she would fall asleep. And that's exactly what I did.

[spacesgreys]

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[liptonsbabe]

Chains of a family [B.W]

Bill Weasley x Grant! Reader

Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Summary: Molly knows about the reader’s relatives and she’s not so sure to put her trust in a girl that had just betrayed her own family

Word count: 1.9K

Warnings: Swearing

A/N: Hi! i’m so happy that you guys liked this thing! thank you so much for your support and, again, if you want to keep reading this let me know. Same note as ever, english not my mother language, so tell me if something’s is wrong.

Chapter 2: Not your family

The next morning turned out to be quieter than you imagined.

You slowly got out of bed and looked at everything around you noticing how quaint Bill's old room was. The ceiling was lined with grainy wallpaper with stacks of photographs of Quidditch players hanging from the reeds that moved from side to side, simulating the playing field; the right side of the room had a huge hole behind the small stool that tried to hide it, and from that hole a small garden gnome was sleeping peacefully with a small piece of cloth on top of his head. You stood up, walking towards the huge window that gave you a beautiful view of the Weasley's garden that at that moment was covered by a thin layer of drizzle that had fallen during the night.

Molly's fruit trees gleamed under the faint rays of the sun and you saw how a doxy from between the leaves poisoned Mrs. Weasley's apples, causing them to fall from the tree branches in a thick black mass with a foul smell coming out of it. You shook your head, excited to witness a very different way to wake up.

Even though several minutes have passed since you woke up, the house continued to remain in a strange silence that made you think that the family had decided to leave the burrow with the intention of buying more supplies or something like that. You knew that Bill wasn’t at home precisely for his obligations within the Order, so you didn’t worry about looking for him around the room, so you decided that a better option was going down to the dining room and know what was happening.

As you went down the spiral staircase, you cursed in a whisper when you forgot to put on your slippers before leaving the bedroom cause the floor was so cold that you slipped a couple of times. Back in the days, when you were still welcome in your parents' house, you had many servants who did all the things for you - putting on your shoes as soon as you woke up was one of those things - but now that your life had changed so much, you assumed that you would have to adapt and start taking care of your own needs.

Your curious eyes roamed the walls covered in family photos that caused a big warmth in your chest. In each of those photographs, all of Molly's children appeared along with their father, smiling for the camera and sending effusive greetings. A pic was hanging at the fireplace were Molly and Arthur were carrying a small white bundle crying his lungs out. You assumed it was Bill as his parents seemed too young back then and even as a small baby, you could recognize those tantrum features anywhere.

A giggle escaped your lips when you noticed a funny sequence from that same photo in which, even with Bill crying in his mother's arms, his father tried to carry him for a moment to calm him down, however the baby's cries didn’t stop. The baby was so annoyed that he ended throwing up  the milk ration that he must have had before the photo session on his father's neat shirt.

You laughed because you knew that William's impertinence was something he had carried with him for several years now.

"Bill hates those photos." You jumped in your place scared to see Molly standing behind you. Your cheeks turned red “He says that it’s embarassing but i think that’s nonsense. He was an adorable baby”

"he was," you answered, looking anywhere but into Molly's shrewd eyes. "but I guess displaying them in the fireplace isn’t the right thing to do."

“Is it not?

"No, they should be at the front door where everyone can see them”

Molly giggled as you watched the sequence of photos over and over again. A silence settled between you, but surprisingly it was not an awkward silence, but one that was allowing you to create a bond that neither of you expected. Mrs. Weaslsey brought up a rag, wiping it around the corners of the photo from the dust.

"Arthur and I had to save up for months to take those pictures," she mentioned wistfully, "we just had Bill and it seemed like a good idea to welcome him into our family with a gesture like that. Arthur was new in the ministry and wasn't earning too much, but we had that quirk and decided we could afford to skip certain things to pay for the pictures. It cost us ten galleons and it still took us four months to gather them”

“Oh” You didn't know what to say, but you just kept looking at the photograph feeling a bit uncomfortable. You never had those problems at home because your family was insanelly rich thanks to the inheritance in life that your grandfather Tim had left to his son and later to his grandchildren. Even the descendants of your grandfather's servants came to work in your house, reason enough for you and your siblings to grow up with no sense of responsibility other than your own wishes. Molly sighed remembering those times when life seemed to be easier.

"So when Bill asked me to remove it from the fireplace, I refused. He doesn't know how hard it was to raise that money, but I think he has nothing to be ashamed of, he was too adorable!

"I don't doubt it for a second, Mrs. Weasley."

"You can call me Molly," she said, walking back to the kitchen where you continued watching the way the pans moved back and forth preparing breakfast. You were not very good at cooking - in fact, you had never cooked before- however, that didn’t stop you from offering your help. So you took a pan, placed it on the stove, and decided that you would find a way to make a good mountain of strawberry-filled pancakes just like your dear nanny did. Molly observed you carefully. "I think that now that you are living with us it is appropriate to have a more cordial treatment.My son told me a lot about you”

“Just the good things, i hope”

“Kind of” You stopped mixing ingredients to look at her carefully” He told us a bunch of marvelous things about you and how you two met. Actually, what worries me the most is what he didn’t tell us”

And there was the recrimination you were waiting for. You were aware that it had to arrive sooner or later, however, you would have been grateful that it did it when Bill were by your side to give you the opportunity to defend yourself properly. You cleared your throat uncomfortably, knowing that what Molly needed to hear from your own lips was which family you came from. You continued your task with the pancakes, turning out as bad as you expected.

"I'm sorry it turned out this way, Mrs. Weasley."

"Molly," he corrected.

"Molly" you smiled slowly "But believe me when I tell you that it was me who asked William not to mention anything about my last name or where I come from. I know that in this case, with the war above our heads, it is necessary to be certain of the people who enter your family and I apologize for that, it's just ... Bill is very important to me” Molly's eyes narrowed “Since we met ... I have found a home in him and well, all that feels when someone is in love. "Mrs. Weasley shook her head, understanding the feeling." I have experienced the rejection before. When people know that Tom Riddle is my family ... they run away in fear, curse my family and even walk away from us, as if sharing a blood bond makes us as evil as he is.

“And it’s not like that?” Molly asked with a hand on her neck. She didn’t want to be like the others and judge you without knowing the full story, just as she had promised Bill the night before that she would, but it was so difficult not to remember the death of his brothers by Voldemort’s hands and to pretend nothing had happened in the past. You sighed because the eggs you cracked on the bowl got mixed with their own shell “ I've heard of the Grants before, they're all Death Eaters, including your siblings!”

“It is difficult to have to choose a side  when you don’t have your own convictions”

"And you have it?"

You looked at Molly in pain. Of course you expected those reactions from Bill's mother, she was within her right to be upset that her oldest son never told her that he was in a relationship with a girl who seemed to have the most fucking powerful and evil wizard in the world as a great-uncle. No, Molly wasn't mad, she was deadly angry, she felt like she was bursting!

Her hands became fists and without knowing how, you found yourself between the wall and Molly's big arms from one second to the other. The pancake batter was forgotten, as was the woman's promise to treat her son's girlfriend in a good way.

"How is it possible ..." Molly questioned in an agitated voice, pressing your arms against the wall, "... that a single deer leaves the nature of its own herd?" How can you ensure that one rotten apple even in a gold container doesn’t rot the others?”Your breath caught at the questions of the woman in front of you. Once again, you were aware that your presence wouldn’t be good news to them, but at least you hoped they understood your motives before judging you “Explain to me, (Y/ N) Grant, when have you seen a pig away from his equals?”

Your words caught in your throat at Molly's fierce question. Bill had talked a lot about the temper of his mother. Even if she could be really grumpy at times, she was in general a very sweet, pleasant and maternal woman with everyone; however, you didn’t fit into that generality because it seemed that the woman was determined to kill you with her own hands.

"If my presence bothers you so much, then you shouldn't have let Bill and I to stay here."

“He's my son! All I want for him is to be happy, and that's why I don't understand what he managed to see in you”

"Maybe the same thing you saw in your husband." Molly's lips twitched in anger, but you didn't stop. You hoped that she would at least understand what your words meant, because that would make it easier for both of you to try at least get along better, even if Molly seemed not to want to do it under any circumstances. How is it that this haughty little girl dared to compare herself with her dear and wonderful husband? "I'm sorry, but I don't think this conversation is going to take us anywhere."

"If someone betrays his own family ..." Molly stopped you before you walked out the front door. The others got down the stairs, seeing the scandal formed in the kitchen “The rest of us can't expect too much, can we?

Your eyes blured.

[theficplug]

Swipe Right

Tyler Lepley x Black Reader 

warnings : none, mostly fluff with just a tiny bit of smut if you can call it that at the end. i’m not too familiar with him but i tried ! to the cutie who requested, i hope you like it. alright enjoy x  Face mask on. Wine in hand. Impulsive 10$ Dark and Lovely hair dye bought at the beauty supply store already slathered in your hair. It was your time set aside out of the week for you and your best friend to complain. Although homegirl was on the other end of the phone getting ready for anniversary and was not relating to your rant of the night. 

 “Girl, I’m telling y’all right now if I get another unsolicited dick pic in my dms or another “You got the bill right? I’m just a lil in between jobs right now you know how it is right baby”? I’m joining a nunnery because I love love, but me and my bank account can NOT keep getting played like this.” you rant to your friends over a video call as you walk around your apartment tending to the foils in your hair. 

The series of failed dates and “talking stages” had left a sour taste in your mouth and put you off from dating altogether, but your best friend Layla is trying to convince you to give Tinder another go. 

“I don’t know Lala. I just don’t have another talking stage in me. I’m grown in the words of the iconic Miss New York Tiffany Pollard : I want eggs CRACKED AND SCRAMBBBLLEEDD” 

Layla’s husband Aaron’s laughter erupted from somewhere in the room on her end and you raise an eyebrow not knowing that he had been ear hustling the whole time. 

“Just give a little more time. You never know what can be right around the corner!  There has got to be at least a few foine men on Tinder. Give it one more try.” Layla encouraged before saying that she had to go because her man had the night planned for their anniversary dinner. 

You huffed and sat the phone aside as you waited for the copper coloured hair dye to process your curiosity got the better of you and you reached for your phone again.

As you thumbed through the profiles of folks “looking for a beautiful girl for me and my husband (:” and “if you a feminist, pay for our first date”. You were two seconds away from putting your phone to the side again before you noticed “Tyler Lepley” and his profile.

You nearly spit out the cheap bottle of Stella Rose on your carpet in disbelief. “No, this has got to be a whole ass catfish. Why would his fine ass be on Tinder of all places? Let’s humour him. Wait but he’s verified... At the very least this should be funny as hell.” you say to yourself before rolling your eyes. 

“Okay and I definitely got to make some single friends cause I’m really home on a Saturday night talking to myself. . . Whatever-” 

You swipe right on his profile and almost instantly your phone notified you that there was a match. 

‘Hey I just wanted to let you know I think you’re beautiful and if you’re ever in the area I’d like to take you out sometime. On me of course.’

“Oh he’s good.” you thought to yourself as you tried to think of a reply.

‘Sure, I’d love to. I’m actually driving up to Atlanta tomorrow for work. And if it’s really you. I want a Tika Sumpter autograph when we meet lol.’ you respond having a little fun with the troll at least before you log out for the evening. 

‘Oh, so you don’t think it’s me? I ain’t nobody big. Just tryna find the right one to bring home for the holidays so my nosey aunties can stop asking me when I’m gon get a wife lol.’

*attachment (1)*

“Pfft.. Anybody could’ve gotten that from Instagram or something.” you said to yourself. 

He’s good though. You’ll give him that much. 

‘Okay tattoos and lips! You’re handsome or whatever.That’s understandable. I’m looking for the same thing but I must be looking in all the wrong places cause if i run into one more dud that’s looking for a unicorn for them and their wife to “share”. Whew- it’s a lot lol.’

‘I get you. I haven’t matched with too many women on here myself. They either tryna see how they can get a job at the studio or they want me to be their sugar daddy. Which I ain't got no problem wining and dining my women btw. I’m just not looking for that kinda situationship. If you don’t mind I’d like to video call you cause looking as good as you look. I'm just tryna make sure you’re not a catfish.”

Hold up. This was just supposed to be a little fun and now this man is using the video call function on Tinder and you’re still sitting there with the dye on your head. 

‘Give me 25 minutes.’ you respond quickly before he replies with ‘take your time’.

The race was on as you began running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off as you wash out the dye quickly and inspect the colour. It was a really pretty natural ginger shade as you grab your hair diffuser and blow out your hair a little to dry it the best you could. 

After grabbing your makeup bag , you slap on the winged liner, a little highlighter, mascara, and a dark brown lipstick like you were back in school trying to get ready before class. 

You fluff and shake out your hair while looking at yourself in the mirror. With 5 minutes to spare you go to your closet and pull out a cozy warm brown cropped jumper that really stood out against your deep skin tone. 

“Alright, please don’t waste my time.” you whisper to yourself as you press the video call button and wait for him to come onto the screen. After about a minute and no answer you let out a heavy sigh feeling a little embarrassed and like a fool for actually believing that The Universe was about to hook you up like that. 

You put your phone on the table next to you and leaned back in the chair before hearing the notification go off again. 

After going back and forth about it for a few seconds you hesitantly answered the call and had to contain the array of emotions you were going through when you saw him actually on the phone, smiling at you with those pretty ass white teeth. 

You put the phone for a second before letting out a ‘thank you Jesus’.

“I should be saying the same thing about you! You are beautiful. God damn. When I first saw your profile I was like man aint no way. She gotta be some sort of catfish or something. I thought at the most it would be a funny cover story tomorrow on The Shade Room or something. ‘Tyler Lepley Catfished By Tinder Boo’. I apologize for not answering your call earlier. I just wrapped on set and I wanted to be able to hear you and give you my undivided attention. How are you this evening?” he says chuckling deeply and softly as he sits back in his trailer. 

“I was thinking the same thing. I’m like at least it’ll humour me, but I wasn’t really expecting you to want to talk. How are you? I was completely kidding about the whole Tika Sumpter thing by the way.” You say giggling nervously before fussing about with the window to try and get better lighting. 

“Oh really? Cause i got her to sign this shirt for you and everything. I can just do a giveaway with it or something else. I like your hair by the way...I’m doing good. It’s been a long day of pretending to get my ass kicked and running lines but I’m grateful to be in even better company with your pretty self. Even if it is through the screen for now. There’s something about a woman like you. I feel like I wanna know everything.” he compliments and flatters you and it’s taking your mind a while to process that this is not some extreme episode of Punk’d.

“YOU DID NOT! Of course I want the shirt. I was just fronting cause I didn’t wanna seem like that’s the only reason why I wanted to talk to you. Also, thank you. You just seem like someone who’s got his shit together and I really like that. At this stage in life people think I move too fast or that my standards are too high. I think it’s just because I know what I want. I want to be married, I want to be happy and comfortable. I eventually would really like to have kids. I want to have kids young so that I can have even more time loving them and my own little family..” you don’t like to waste time with the small talk. That’s nice too but you like to get straight to the point so that you’ll know if your views on life are aligned. 

And just like that you two begin to connect instantly . You talked and talked for hours from the time he left his trailer to drive home and halfway into the night.

You actually ended up falling asleep on the phone with him because neither one of you wanted to hang up. 

Scheduling conflicts prevented you from meeting up with him the next day but of course that didn’t stop either of you from constantly just wanting to hear from each other. 

4 weeks later after non stop talking and sending pictures and videos of your day when you couldn’t talk to each other. Both of your schedules lined up perfectly and you ended up meeting in Atlanta. 

You met him at a little cozy cafe and he held the prettiest bouquet of scarlet roses in one hand and a coffee for you in the other while standing with a huge smile etched across his face. 

“Hey handsome” you say to him before leaning in to hug him but was not expecting the peck to the lips. 

Even though you’ve discussed it and you’re both “if the vibe is right fun is not off the table” kind of people. 

You kiss his soft plump lips back and thank him for the flowers. Of course given the part of the city that you were in, he was recognized almost immediately by the barista.

“My mama and auntie love your show.They both got me into it too. We thought they were gonna kill you off this season! I was scared for you. If you don't mind, can i have a picture?’ The woman named Ericka asks as she moves from behind the desk .

“Hey Ericka, thank you. I appreciate it, of course.” He replied warmly to her before looking over at you to double check if you’re okay with everything. 

You awkwardly move to the side so that he can have his photo with the giggling fan already batting her eyelashes at him. 

He softly grabs your hand to keep you close to him and shakes his head. He’s lowkey clingy in the cutest way as he moves you behind him so that you aren’t in the photo and wraps your arms around his waist before flashing a smile at the fans phone.

“Thank you so much and you are so pretty!” She says to you before trying to quickly hustle back to work in the quiet slow moving coffee shop. 

“Me? Look at you and your pretty self ! I like your braids too!” You respond sweetly as Tyler beams with pride while watching you interact with the fan. 

“Sorry about all of that” he leans down to whisper in your ear before walking with you out of the coffee shop. 

“I don’t know about you but I ain't even gon’ lie I’m nervous as hell. I’ve been spending the last two weeks trying to figure out the best ways to spoil the hell outta you. I just think you’re incredible. From your story about all that you’ve been through to just like you. I ain’t ever had this before.” he admits and it throws you a little that he was the one nervous to meet you.  

“Nervous to meet me? Tyler, you meet about 50 different beautiful women a day. I’m not saying I’m not the shit cause I am. But no need for nervousness here. I think you’re probably the most down to Earth famous person I’ve met dude. A lot of them are real snotty when I style them and stuff. Just completely out of touch…You’re always busy doing something and I’m always working on something. How about we just do nothing? What’s your favourite way to do nothing?” I get all of my favourite foods and snacks and then I just watch all of my comfort movies and shows and forget about everything going wrong with the world even if just for a little bit.” you admit and he nods along before opening the car door for you.

The entire car ride there wasn’t an awkward moment or any tension hanging in the air. The conversation flowed smoothly all the way from the supermarket to the restaurants for to-go plates, and to his home there. 

There were plates of food of every kind of food you mention from pad thai to sushi, to indian food, mexican, and a plate of soul food cause you couldn’t visit Atlanta and not try some bomb ass soul food while you were there. Not to mention the snacks that you both also picked out. 

He had convinced you that you two should build a blanket fort and he broke out the candles setting the perfect atmosphere for the storm settling in. 

Something about the rain soothed you both as you fell over each laughing and talking about nothing and everything.  

“Okay so let me ask you would have rather been on Fear Factor or Supermarket Sweep? Because this is important. I’d have to go with Supermarket Sweep because I’d rather bust my ass on tv than be in a crate full of cockroaches or something like that. I would freak the fuck out. They was wylin in 2001” you say and Tyler ponders the question for a minute before letting out a pfft.. 

“Easyyyyyy. I will drink the cockroach milkshake over playing on Supermarket sweep. I don’t mess with grocery stores like that. That’s why I order all my stuff online now. I've spent two many of my Saturdays missing Saturday morning cartoons walking around with my grandma and mama while me and my dad trail behind trying to get them to hurry up. Besides skydiving is on my list to do at some point.” he explains and you pretend to gag as he says that he’d take the shake. 

“Good?” he asked with a little laugh as he noticed you had a whipped cream mustache from the caramel hot chocolate that he made for you. 

“Mhm” was the only response he got from you in between swigs of possibly the best caramel hot chocolate you’ve ever had. 

He leans in,  licking it off of your lips before kissing you sweetly and gently tugging on your bottom lip as his tongue runs across it again. 

“I bet you taste better though…” he says against your lips

His hands find your hips as he pulls you onto his lap. 

You learned that he was talented at several things outside of acting and being inside out beautiful and a good 8- . Anyways, something you couldn’t tell your girls about on Monday.

Leaving him was too difficult two days later because you’re both those types of people where if you know , you know that you’ve found your person and both agreed to try and meet each other twice a week. Once for sure so that you try not to miss each other too much. 

Maybe swiping right wasn’t so bad after all.

[unedited so if there’s a few typos i’m sorry i’ll edit them later! ]

[literallywhyistaken]

When Remus Lupin walked into his classroom, he immediately knew that they would not get that much work done today.

How?

Well first of the entire class had broken up into friendship groups and were all talking around a phone, and, Remus knew exactly why.

Dammit, Sirus.

He had specifically told him to wait until the year 10s hade done their exam. Though to be fair he had been waiting to release that video for a while now.

Given the fact that there was still 5 minutes until the start of class, Remus walked over to his desk and started to prepare his lesson for the day. He was just about done when his phone buzzed.

Pads💗💗💗 - heeey babe sorry about releasing the video early. I just felt like I couldn't wait any more u know?

- how are the students?

- are you mad?

- oh god you haven't replied you are so mad at me

- I'm sorryyyy

Remus silently chuckled at the sight of his clingy overthinking adorable boyfriend freaking out even though he sent all of those texts in a span of 10 seconds.

Sirius had released a video 5 hours earlier, titled coming out. In just 1 hour it had gotten over 5 thousand views. When Remus had woken up, (obviously since Padfoot was not next to him,) he had come out and seen him pacing around nervously in the lounge room. Sirius had been worried that everything was going to backfire, and as soon as he had seen Remus he immediately burst into a rather large and repetitive rant, that was only silenced when Remus had wrapped his arms around him.

After he had calmed down, Remus told him off for posting it earlier than they agreed, as multiple students in his history class he knew were definitely in love with his boyfriend. At times it was really disturbing, (like when Sirius posts a shirtless pic on Instagram, and they are usually taken by Remus.) but most of the girls, have learnt to keep it on the down-low. And he had not wanted Sirius to post before the test in one of his classes.

Remus took his phone in two hands and replied,

Moony💗🌑💗 - don't worry I'm not mad.

- maybe a little grumpy but not mad.

Pads💗💗💗 - got it I will have chocolate when you get home.

- how are the kids?

Moony💗🌑💗 - distracted. I think I'm going to have to postpone the test.

Just as Remus press send, a shrill bell ripped through the air, making everyone jump out of their skins. Whereas Remus just stayed still and texted goodbye to Sirius. After both going to school and teaching here, you get used to it.

"Ok class, I want phones away and everything off your desks except for a pen or pencil." Remus walked up and down the rows, handing out test sheets.

When he got to the back of the last row, he stood behind one specific student. Mindy Mor. She was currently giggling at her phone like a lovesick teenage girl. When Remus looked over her shoulder to see what she was looking at, he inwardly cringed. Mindy had screenshotted all of the shirtless pictures from Sirius Instagram and was currently zooming in on Remus's boyfriend's abs. Even though he would never admit it, he didn't blame her. He was very lucky.

"Phone Mindy," Remus demanded. He took her phone, and ignoring her grumbling, and placed a test in front of her.

"You can have this back at the end of the day."

------------------------------------------------------

For the rest of the week, Remus kept hearing ridiculous rumours about the one and only, Sirus Black.

The day of the test Remus had come home to a ridiculously happy Sirius, as the majority of his subscribers had accepted him and even asked if he was dating anyone. And of course, he slipped up and said that yes indeed he dating someone, but did not give way who.

Since then Remus has heard nothing but rumours about who he could be dating. Some of them were quite funny actually. Such as Sirus dating fellow marauder, James Potter. (Remus had almost snorted at that one.)

When he informed James and Sirius about it, it sparked a long debate between the two on whether James could indeed 'score' Sirius. (Remus had to eventually drag Sirius out so that Harry could be put to bed and everyone could have dinner.)

However, it did have some downsides. Somehow, someone had found out that Sirius used to go to this school and that one of the teachers, Minerva McGonagall had taught him. Then that leads to them finding out that James, Sirus, Remus and Peter had all been best friends when they were at school. However, Remus managed to dodge the questions, by insisting that they were no longer in contact.

("no Mindy I cannot give you Sirus Blacks number so you can confess your undying love. I said no Mindy.")

Then Sirus released a new video titled: MARAUDERS BACK TOGETHER AGAIN

In it, it just had Sirius, James, and Peter catching and pretending that they hadn't seen each other since high school.

"Hey Moony why arent you going to be in the video again?" James questioned as Sirius set up the camera. James and Peter had gotten here an hour early accidentally. Now while Sirius was setting up, they were all sitting in the lounge room and the kitchen talking. Remus was sitting on the counter facing James, who was on the floor playing with Harry and Peter who was curled up in an armchair.

"If I'm in the video then I will get pestered with questions from my students," Remus answered. "And like half of the girls in 3 of my classes are absolutely in love with my boyfriend!" he said gesturing to Sirius.

James smirked, as Sirius turned around and walked into the kitchen.

"You jealous Moony?" James teased, resulting in a very colourful hand gesture thrown his way.

"Aww don't worry Re. I'm not going anywhere." Sirius said from behind Remus, pecking him on his temple.

"Oh come on guys get a room. Harry's here for god's sake!"

------------------------------------------------------

The next day, Remus woke up with Sirius's arms wrapped around his waist. It appeared that they had both slept through the alarm due to them.........not getting much sleep.

In result to the extra sleep the couple had earned, Remus missed the first 5 minutes of his first lesson. And so he had to be dropped off, by Sirius.

Now it is a well-known fact that Sirius Black drives a Porsche 550 Spyder. Whatever that is. And of course all the students in the school new that Sirius rode that exact car, so that was a little bit of a problem when they rode up into the car park, and there were still kids in the playground.

Sirius, knowing his boyfriends need for privacy, was wearing a cap to cover his head.

However, being a Black comes with a flair for the dramatic. So before Remus had the chance to jump out of the car, Sirius grabbed his shoulder and pulled him in for a kiss. It was short but sweet.

When Sirius pulled away, he nodded towards the school building and said,

"You'd better get going. Love you!"

Remus smiled as he climbed out of the car.

"Love you too."

------------------------------------------------------

Remus thought everything was ok. He had listened to all the conversations shooting around his classroom before the first break, and there was nothing about him.

When he went to enter the teacher's lounge, he was suddenly stopped right outside the door by two girls from the school newspaper.

"Hello, ladies... can I help you with something?" Remus asked hesitantly.

"Sir, you were late for school, yes?" One of them asked, who Remus remembered as Evie.

"Only five minutes," Remus replied.

"And you were dropped off by your boyfriend, right?" Evie pressed

"May I ask where this is going?" Remus said tying to cover up the fact that his heart had started to beat faster and his palms had started to sweat.

"Well the car that you drove here in is a Porsche 550 Spyder, and it is a well-known fact that you both knew Sirius Black and that Sirius Black drives a Porsche 550 Spyder. So I just wanted to ask Mr Lupin, are you dating Sirius Black?"

Remus hesitated.

"No. And I would appreciate it if you didn't ask me again."

------------------------------------------------------

For the next two weeks, Remus kept getting asked question after question after question.

"Are you dating Sirius Black?"

"Do you still talk to Sirius Black?"

"Can you help me meet Sirius Black?"

And to make matters worse, one specifically creepy student had made an announcement at the start of one of his classes saying that even though their teacher had denied that he was dating Sirius, he had made a fanfiction about the two of them and posted it on Wattpad.

Remus had looked at it, and it already had 100K views.

Remus was tired. He was getting questioned every day at work, and all over social media. Everyone had noticed, and he knew that Sirius was worried, but he hadn't said anything yet.

It was Friday, two days before Sirus and Remus's 6th anniversary. Every year they do something big, whether it is with other people or together. Normally, Remus gets more excited as the day gets closer. However, now he was either stressing out about going back to school or staring into space. And Sirius was getting really worried.

Remus was sitting on the dining room table with both hands wrapped around a mug. Its winter at the moment so Remus has his usual. Earl Grey.

When Sirius gets home from James and Lily's house it Godric Hollow, he walks inside the apartment and sees him sitting there staring off into space. He immediately knows what he has to do. (Well not immediately, but if you ask he will just deny it.) Sirius dumps his bag on the kitchen counter and walks over and sits next to him.

"Re."

Remus's head shoots up and he blinks a couple of times like he's coming out of a daze.

"Hmmm"

"Ok, what's wrong. And don't say nothing, you know that I know when your lying.

Remus sighed and looked back down at the table.

"It's just that I'm getting constantly questioned at work, I mean even my colleagues, other teachers are asking me now!! Its just....a lot."

Sirius sighed. He hated seeing the love of his life so upset and being helpless.

He opened his mouth as so try and say something comforting when Remus blurted out,

"I want to tell people. And no not our friends, I am aware that they already know, I meant all your subscribes."

Sirius's mouth fell open. He had approached Remus on the topic of telling people multiple times both before and after he had come out to people on youtube. And every time Remus had turned him down.

A huge grin spread over Sirius's face and he slipped down on to the floor and crouched in front of Remus's chair.

"Really? You actually want your students to know? Are you sure?"

"I mean I think so. I don't think I could hold it any much longer anyway." Remus replied a sheepish grin growing on his face.

Sirius couldn't stop the smile growing bigger on his face matching Remus.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Then Sirius closed the gap between them and the world around them fell quiet.

------------------------------------------------------

Sirius placed the camera on the cupboard in front of their bed and turned the camera on. He then turned around and moved all the photos of him and Remus out of the way.

"Hey Siri, you want some coffee?" Remus yelled from the kitchen.

"Yeah, I'd love some thanks, babe!" Sirius replied.

Sirius finished setting up the room and then started to walk out into the lounge room. After Remus had agreed to tell Sirius's fans that they were dating, they had both stayed up half the night trying to plan the perfect revel video. And then when they were getting ready for bed, Sirius had thought of the perfect idea.

Sirius was going to do a live QandA session. Even though Remus was convinced, that someone would ask whether they were dating, Sirius had insisted on a backup plan. So if no one asked 2 minutes into the live, then James, who would also be there, ("Why would you want to be there James??" "Because of the drama Moony. Why else??") would create a fake fan account and ask the question.

Sirius had thought about doing it the day after their anniversary, (as he knows how much of a romantic his boyfriend is.) but Remus wanted to do it on their anniversary.

I mean what would be more romantic than confessing your love for each other in front of thousands of people? And while most likely being recorded?

Sirius walked into the kitchen just as Remus was putting their tea and coffee down on the bench.

Sirius smiled as Remus put both milk and sugar into his coffee, (because you cannot convince me that no matter how hard he tries to be a badass that he is really a softie) and slid the mug across the bench.

Remus then turned back around smirking at him, walking towards the fridge for the milk."What's the time? When do you have to start the live?" Remus asked innocently pouring milk into his mug.

"Ummm" Sirius replied quickly checking his watch for the time." it's 3:28. I need to start the live at 3:30 and I should be out here at least by 4:00." He said as he glanced up at his boyfriend raising his coffee to his mouth to take a sip.

Remus stared at him blankly while Sirius glanced around the room wondering why Remus was looking at him like that. (he usually looked at him another way)

"It's 3:30!!! Get in there!! I'll start cooking and, I promise to attempt to not burn the kitchen down. I remember what happened last time." He added as Sirius opened his mouth to interject.

Sirius closed his mouth and smiled, nodding and turning back around to run into the pair's bedroom.

"Hey! I think you forgot something!" Remus cried out as soon he had left the room.

At the sound of his voice, Sirius poked his head back into the doorway with a curious expression on his face.

Keeping that expression on his face, he crept forward towards a visibly confused Remus. Then, he crept up next to him and pecked a kiss on his temple. And then, promptly, ran away.

Remus stood frozen for about 2 seconds before yelling back,

"No! Your coffee!"

"Merlin. No respect." He muttered.

------------------------------------------------------

Sirius plunked himself down on the end of the couple's bed, leaning forward and switching the camera on.

He waited for a few seconds, letting people on first before saying,

"Hey, guys welcome to my live QandA and before anyone asks, no Prongs is not here today. He has decided to be a little shit and hang out with his kid. You guys remember Harry."

Sirius smiled at the thought of Harry, (and of course, insulting James.

He peered at the screen and smirked when he saw a comment from the man in question expressing his outrage for the name-calling.

Smiling he sat back again and spoke,

"Ok so I'm going to let you guys into the live one at a time to ask one question, (it's on Instagram) so start requesting!"

Sirius had had about 25 questions before he got to the one he was looking for. And he had been asked some odd questions to. One girl who came on the live was wearing such revelling clothes that she basically had a bikini on. And it gets worse.

Her question was whether or not he could take his shirt off. As soon as she had finished speaking, Padfoot heard a loud indignant and outraged cry coming from the kitchen. He turned his head towards the sound chuckling at Moonys antics.

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT MINDY! KICK HER OF THE DAMM LIVE SIRIUS!!"

He was still smiling as he turned back around, but it vanished as soon as he saw the screen again. Immediately, like a reflex, he leaned forward and kicked her off the live. He could sense Remus's sigh of relief.

He then proceeded to make a speech about not doing that. Around 10 minutes after that a girl with glasses and a notepad came on who Sirius vaguely recognised as Evie from Hogwarts.

"Hi there kiddo, what's your question," Sirius asked almost dreading what was coming up.

"Hi Mr Black I was just wondering-"

"Oh no. No Mr, please. Makes me feel old. Just call me Sirius." He insisted holding a hand up to the camera.

"Oh ok." She replied looking a little bit surprised.

"Well my name is Evie Johnson, and I go to Hogwarts Secondary School. I believe that you went there as well. Oh no that's not my question"

She added as Sirius opened his mouth.

"And when you were there, according to my research, your group of friends was James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin. Now as I'm sure you know Mr Lupin is a teacher at Hogwarts, a history teacher and rumours have been flowing around the school-"

"You want to know if Remus and I are dating," Sirius smirked.

"Well yes," Evie said looking a bit disgruntled at being interrupted. A giddy feeling erupted in Sirius's stomach as he answered,

"Well how about I show you. Then you can decide for yourself."

Sirius got up and walked out to the kitchen grabbing the camera as he went.

"Ok, Evie I'm going to disconnect you from the live that was a lovely question, I was honestly hoping for it. Ok! guys, my boyfriend is in the kitchen attempting to make dinner, ("last time he tried he almost burned down the kitchen and he definitely destroyed his eyebrows.") and I or we, I guess, are going to surprise him."

This next bit is from a viewers perspective.

Sirius placed the camera in front of the T.V and stuck his thumbs up at the camera before standing up and rubbing his hands together.

Behind him was the kitchen where a man in his early 30s was cooking with his back to the camera.

Oliver looked at the screen, and read the comments as Sirius prepared to walk over to the mystery man who was supposedly his idols boyfriend.

- oh my god i'm so jealous I wonder who it is

- I bet 50 pounds that its Mr Lupin

- OH MY GOD IM ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT JUST TELL US

Oliver of course had no idea who this Mr lupin was. He didn't go to Hogmarts Secondary School or whatever it was called. But he was still extremely curious to know.

The man turned around and walked to the front of the counter and turned to face the camera side-on, continuing to cook, seemingly not noticing Sirius and the camera.

As soon as the mystery man's face was revealed to the camera the live was flooded with comments such as:

- HOLY SHIT ITS MR LUPIN

- THAT'S MY HISTORY TEACHER IDIOTS

-OMG CALLED IT!

They were basically all along those lines. The man continued to cook, somehow oblivious to the chaotic live over here.

Sirius walked up behind the man and wrapped his arms around his waist. Immediately the man smiled and leaned back into Sirius.

Oliver had to admit they were quite cute.

Then Sirius leaned forward a little bit more and whispered something in his ear. The man, (supposedly Remus Lupin,) smiled and leaned into him more.

To Oliver, it looked like they were really in love, and if that really is Remus Lupin, then they would have been in love for a long time.

He glanced back down at the comments and saw that the theme of them hadn't changed. People were still expressing their shock.

Somehow.

When he looked back up at the couple he saw Sirius laughed at something that his boyfriend had said.

Remus then turned around and wrapped his arms around Sirius's neck, and Sirius wrapped his arms around his waist.

Sirius closed the distance between them and kissed him softly as Remus melted into the kiss. Remus arms tightened around Padfoots neck, and Sirius smiled into the kiss.

The theme of the comments had changed into both awwwww and ewwwww apparently some of Mr Lupins students don't really want to see him making out with his boyfriend.

Suddenly the screen went black and the live ended.

------------------------------------------------------

Remus went back to work the next day feeling both nervous and excited. Excited, because for the first time since Sirius started his YouTube channel, he didn't have to hide who he was dating. (I mean he didn't usually tell them, but we all know Remus. He doesn't like lying.)

And nervous because, well I think that's obvious. He had gotten several emails from his students in multiple classes, plus they had also posted something to Google Classroom.

Remus had made sure to get to the school early to avoid any unwanted attention from students in the schoolyard. He walked straight through the school, into the classroom, only pausing to wave or say hello to specific teachers.

When he reached his room, he finished setting up the lesson and was writing the date on the board when a student came into the classroom. He didn't see who it was, they disappeared out of his view before he had a chance to see their face. He finished writing the date up and turned around saying

"Hello, welcome back. If you just take a seat the bell will be going soon-"

In front of his desk stood a stony-faced Mindy, with her posse behind her.

"Can I help you with something Ms More?"

"Yes, I believe you can sir." She replied. "Why didn't you tell us that you are dating Sirius Black??" She demanded, leaning slightly towards him accusatorially.

Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Well given the fact that is my personal business I really didn't see the need," Remus replied calmly as he sat down on his desk.

"But sir that's not fair. I mean we have a right to know and not find out on some live video-"

"And why is my life and who I'm dating any concern of yours?" Remus said fiercely, cutting her off and standing back up and placing his hands on the desk looking down at the teen.

Mindy immediately backed of a flash of regret shooting across her face.

"Oh no sir I didn't mean it like that-"

"Really Mindy. Then I wonder how you meant because I don't see how else that could be taken."

Before Mindy could open her mouth to defend her self, Remus snapped out:

"Enough. Thats detention. Go sit down."

When Mindy opened her mouth to complain, Remus held up his finger as if saying wait for it, then suddenly the ear-splitting bell reverberated through the walls and Mindy shut her mouth and sat down.

------------------------------------------------------

When he finally got his class to sit down and shut up, he started his lesson on the suffragette movement. (Because we all know that Remus is a massive feminist,) However halfway through, he noticed that the entire class was either talking or giggling at their computer screens. So, continuing to talk about the suffragettes, he walked up the side row, and stood behind one student who was staring at their laptop. Except they weren't staring at their laptop. they had their phone out, and were re-watching Sirius's live from Saturday.

Sighing, Remus leaned forward and snatched the phone out of the kids hands, saying on the way back to the front of the class,

"You can have this back later."

"Now," Remus announced as he leaned on the back of his desk facing the front of the class, "As it is very clear that none of you are focusing, you can all ask 15 questions."

No one moved, they just all stared at him blankly.

Remus sighed and then added, "personal questions allowed."

Exactly 15 hands shot up.

Surprised, Remus hesitated before choosing a girl in the second row named Jessie.

"Jessie." Remus said pointing at her to continue.

Putting her hand down she asked, "Sir, are you really dating Sirius Black?"

Remus breathed out a laugh, and replied with the words he never thought that he would say.

"Yes. I am."

[tobin-heaths]

Hips don’t lie (NSFW)

request: Where R has been gone for a month for work (she can be a soccer player or just a business woman) and has been missing Julie. R decides to do something she has never really done, Sext Julie/send her needy pics. After some fun with that it prompts her to return earlier to surprise Julie with some needy, hot ravenous sex. Of course top Julie is a must! She's daddy.

pairing: Julie Ertz x Reader

words: 2093

Your hands glide down your own sides, smoothly running over the soft fabric of your red lace lingerie until you reached your thighs.

You were a little nervous but excited.

It was a late evening, rain pouring down in Chicago at this time, creating a nice atmosphere inside. You felt like a stripper, a desperate and sexy one.

The best thing about this was Julie not knowing anything about the little surprise you had prepared, excited for her reaction once she'd be home.

You've been gone for some time, the last time you saw Julie was weeks back. You missed her, she missed you. One thing led to the other and the two of you decided to try out a few things.

Things like nudes, sexting or phone sex to keep you away from being overly bored or feeling lonely.

You enjoyed this so much, loving the reactions Julie gave you, that you returned home earlier than what Julie expected.

You never thought you could become this needy for sex, just for a little bit of skin contact with your girlfriend, the only one to really make you feel this good in bed.

But here you were, back home in your shared apartment, a nice city view, the rain hitting the windows while you stood half naked clad in some fancy lingerie you bought days before to surprise your girlfriend with a lap dance.

To be honest, you've never given anyone a lap dance before, the only thing coming close to it was riding Julie's strap, but that wouldn't be helping you right now.

Nonetheless you wanted to pull through for the sake of getting a good fuck and making your girlfriend happy to have you back in her arms.

Your bedroom was equipped with some nice LED lights, you made them shine in a cool red light, matching your underwear. There was music playing in the background, your sex playlist on shuffle.

You went back into the living room and grabbed one of the chairs from the dining table and positioned it in front of the king size bed and sat down.

Crossing your legs you looked over to the clock on your nightstand and prepared for Julie to arrive any minute.

True to those words you heard the key in the door and it being pushed open. Your heart rate started picking up a mile, warmth rushing to your cheeks, your hands sliding up and down your thighs. Now or never.

Julie shuffled around the apartment, keys clinking and shoes being thrown off. Her footsteps came closer to the bedroom and you took one last deep breath before straightening your back, putting on a sexy grin.

Your girlfriend rounded the corner and came to an abrupt halt once her eyes settled on your form in the chair.

"Hey, love." You purred and remained seated.

Julie's jaw hit the ground as she shamelessly checked you out, eyes looking you up and down, hungrily taking in every part of naked skin.

"Y/N, what are you doing here? I thought you had like a week left? Wow– I mean this is a nice surprise." She rambled, stepping closer.

"I needed to see you after our last phone call." You replied and stood up, meeting her half way.

Your arms reached out touching her biceps, gently sliding upwards until you reached her neck while her hands grabbed your hips, pulling you into her body.

You almost let a moan slip at the contact; it had been so long, so terribly long since the last time those hands laid on you.

"Oh, I remember clearly. Those pictures you sent were the only thing on my mind the last few weeks." Her mouth met your ear, kissing around the outer shell, her hot tongue tracing all over it, finishing off with a teasing bite to your earlobe.

The control and dominance you started with faltered for only a second until you remembered what you came for today.

You leaned away from her and grabbed her hand, dragging her over to the chair you sat in not long ago and pushed her down on it.

Now it was you towering over her as her hands wanted to return back to your hips. "Oh no. No touching until I allow it." You teased and wiggled your eyebrows, batting her hands away from you.

She raised an eyebrow, silently testing you. "Do not make me tie you up, JJ." She raised her hands in surrender and you smirked triumphantly.

You stepped back, your eyes never leaving the blonde woman sitting comfortably in the chair, a smirk on her face as her eyes never left your body either.

Julie looked delicious in her tight jeans and shirt, the right amount of muscles poking through the fabrics. The sight only made your knees grow weaker as this strong woman was completely at your mercy now, just waiting for you to start your dance.

It was hard to not just give in to the fire burning behind her eyes and let her straight up fuck you as if it was the last time to do so.

Instead you let the music take over your body, swaying your hips to the beat of the music as if invisible hands moved them from side to side.

Julie's jaw clenched taking in the sight in front of her, you dancing so willingly and teasingly. It was impossible to rip her eyes away from you, afraid that if she would blink she'd miss a second.

You turned around, the music now taking over you completely, giving her a perfect view of your ass clad in beautiful red panties, panties she'd love to rip off.

Julie's hands clawed into the sides of the chair, the only thing able to hold her back from standing up and taking you to bed.

Facing her once again your eyes widened just a tad. Julie, eyes wide open, pupils blown and cheeks flushed, looked ready to go to war on a soccer pitch and destroy some ankles. Now that made you smirk even more.

"You like it, baby?" You lowered yourself onto her muscular thighs.

"You have no idea." Her voice was slightly shaking as you started grinding on her lap, your hands coming to rest on her shoulders.

If Julie looked closely she would be able to notice the wet patch along your panties.

At no other time had she ever been teased like this, the sheer willpower to place her hands on your body was overwhelming. She was starting to grow desperate, ready to beg any minute now.

Placing your hands on your tits you made sure to slowly rub over your erect nipples as your hips drew circles back and forth over her lap.

Julie's quiet moan made your grin widen, almost enjoying this more than you should, your hands stopping their movement as you leaned down towards her ear. "I want you to touch me." You whispered and nibbled on her earlobe.

Her hands were on you in an instant, exploring everything, not missing an inch of your heated skin. Excited hands slithered along your stomach up to your tits, roughly palming them, her thumbs circling your hard nipples, making you throw your head back and suppress a whimper.

The music long forgotten you poured all your emotion into the movement of your hips, making sure Julie could feel your excitement.

"Oh fuck." You moaned, her hands roughly grabbing your ass, your dominance faltering bit by bit, as she was now guiding your movement.

Licking her lips her eyes landed on your chest going lower and lower until she reached your waist where she stayed watching her hands move your hips back and forth.

The way your chest was heaving and sinking with every shaky breath you took, the way your stomach muscles clenched or the way her hands were leaving red marks along your goosebump littered skin, hopefully leaning a few bruises behind.

She was in complete awe of you, taking in everything you had to offer. Wetting her lips one last time she tugged you down by your neck until your lips met hers in a feverish kiss.

It was far from gentle, teeth clashing, tongues fighting a battle for dominance, her teeth biting down on your lip, obviously drawing a small amount of blood. It was everything you wanted and more.

Your hand grabbed a handful of her blonde hair and tugged, making her moan into your open mouth.

Julie's thigh flexed against your clothed pussy and you cried out in ecstasy, just the right amount of pressure to get you close to an orgasm but not enough to push you over.

Your hips moved at an even faster pace trying to chase a high that might never come if Julie doesn't say so. "Oh god– no, don't stop!" Your eyes snapped open to see her smirking at you, whining as said hands stopped your clit from rubbing against her thigh.

"You thought I'd let you cum that easily after giving me a show like that? Seems like you forgot who's in charge here, hm?"

Your hips tried moving again, feeling your own wetness in between your thighs, but her strong hands kept you in place. "Please," You begged, desperate for any sort of friction on your clit. "I need this, please, Julie. I'll do anything."

"Look who's begging now. Did you honestly think sending me those flirty pictures of your naked body wouldn't trigger a reaction from me once you'd be back? I'll enjoy this properly." Shivers ran down your spine.

"Look at me and answer me." Fingers grabbed your chin, raising it so her eyes could meet yours, the fire burning behind them making you gasp.

"I guess–" The rest of your sentence died in your throat as cold fingertips pressed against the wet patch on your panties. "You guess what, babygirl? Common, give daddy your filthiest moans. So so wet, how cute."

Your mouth parted, extra careful to not drool onto her even though she wouldn't mind, you weren't exactly sure.

With your hips moving back and forth against her hand that was rubbing you over your panties you desperately grabbed onto her shoulders and squeezed. "More! Harder!"

Her fingers brushed your panties to the side, smirking as your eyes rolled to the back of your head, her fingers roughly pushing through your folds and into your wet hole. "Like that?" She teased.

Unable to reply your mouth stayed open as a particularly hard thrust made you cry out.

There was no time to think about anything or feel ashamed for how easily this woman could make you go putty in her lap, how easy it was to take her dominance back from you with the snap of her fingers.

She set a rough and unforgiving pace, the tips of her fingers repeatedly hitting your sweet spot, her thumb adding extra flavor by circling your needy clit. All this added pleasure made you forget where you came from, her name the only thing on your mind.

Her free hand slapped your ass harshly, no doubt leaving a red hand print behind, her ears taking in your bitter sweet screams and moans like sweet jazz playing in the background.

"Oh what a sight for sore eyes you are, getting fucked by my fingers, looking so helpless as you try to chase your release. You look so hot, babygirl. Fuck." Her words only pushed you further towards an orgasm, the knot in your stomach growing tighter.

"Daddy! Can I please, please cum?" You begged, your hips moving franticly.

Julie looked up at you and nodded. "Yes, do it for me. Such a good girl. Cum for me, baby."

You felt helpless and totally overwhelmed as she seemed to be everywhere at once, all over your body, her hand picking up on speed, her mouth nipping and sucking along your neck, coaxing the sweetest sounds out of you.

And finally you came, with a loud scream and stars exploding behind your closed eyelids, your body slumping against her chest, your skin hot with sweat as she kept rubbing you through the orgasm.

Julie could've orgasmed from the sight alone, never in her life had she seen anything hotter and sweeter.

Her lips return to yours, swallowing the last bits of exhausted whines and moans, and you swear you could've gone up in flames any minute with how hot you felt.

"Let's take this to the bed, I'm far from done with you, Y/N."

[skia-oura]

Closing Costs

A/N: Just a fun lil fic about the Ben Trio going house hunting :)

ao3

___________________________________________________

CORDALINE GABLES

Senior Sales Associate

hello@cordgab.org

Phone  HomeStar Inc. Messaging

 Originally from Fairfax, Old Jersey, Cordaline Gables made her home in Norfolk over a decade ago, and has worked in real estate for nineteen years. She double-majored in Business and Transcendence-Age Architecture at the prestigious University of San Antonio. Her expertise is in finding gems hidden in the crooks and corners of suburban Norfolk, but she is additionally skilled at scouting lovely apartments and homes further away from the city center. When she isn’t matching clients to their dream homes, Cordelia enjoys playing recreational badminton with her partner and taking long walks together with their beloved dog, Sniffles. Please place your trust in Cordelia!

Audio Version             Non-English Versions             Font Adjustment

 -

 New Automated Message: New Customer Application Form

NAME: Torako Lam

PARTNER: Yes [2] ; NAME: Bentley Farkas ; NAME: Tyrone Pines

CHILDREN: No

AGE: 27 ; DOB: June 17 3016

PHONE  EMAIL

PRICE RANGE: Up to $350,000  flexible inflexible

LOCATION: Within [75]km from [Niklakka Labs]

SIZE: 450—600 m2

BD: [3+]        

BTH: [1.5+]    

K: [Yes]          

LR: [No]

GRG: [No]

BY/GDN: [Yes]          

à SIZE: 125—175 m2

ADDITIONAL REQUESTS HERE:

--No dimensional subspaces

--Away from magically-charged hotspots

--Customizable Security Systems

--Garden Shed on premises, please

--Large Windows a Plus

Thank you for accommodating us! We look forward to hearing back about the properties under your purview and making our viewing appointments!

 -

 To: tora@lam.com

From: hello@cordgab.org

SUBJECT: Hello from Homestar Realtors!!

RECEIVED: July 19th, 3042

 Dear Torako Lam,

           It’s a pleasure to make your virtual acquaintance! My name is Cordelia Gables, and I’m your HomeStar Inc. appointed estate agent. I look forward to working with you and fulfilling your needs in this new chapter of your life. I have attached a list of five properties that I think may fit your needs. Please view them with your partners and let me know if there are any that don’t fit your specifications so that we may get them out of the way before viewing the homes in person. I await your reply at your earliest convenience!

 Sincerely,

Cordelia Gables

HomeStar Inc. Realtors

 House Profile 1/5:

1345 16th Avenue

Norfolk, VA 68C 22980

4 Beds  | 2 Bath  |  529 m2  | $298,000

[49 img]

 A lovely four-bedroom family home, this property includes high-quality faux-wood flooring, recently renovated wallboard, and a lovely spiral staircase straight out of a 2500’s property magazine. The kitchen boasts a brand-new stove and oven set as well as a state of the art StayFridge™ made from the finest recycled materials from North Africa. The front garden is already blooming with the loveliest daphnes, and the entire property is fenced in by rosebushes. The backyard is perfect for the smallest feet, whether those be of children or beloved pets. Don’t forget the stylish and practical EverExpanding Cabinetry installed in every part of the house—you will never run out of storage space! Each bathroom boasts a shower-tub combo, and the upper floor bathroom comes with gorgeous hand-tiled floors.

House Profile 2/5:

195 St. Phillip’s Crtwy.

Norfolk, VA 68C 22980

3 Beds  | 3 Bath  |  501 m2  |  $311,000

[12 img]

 This three-bedroom, three-story property sits in the center of the city, a mere five-minute’s walk from two elementary schools and ten minutes from the nearest junior high school. While the original structure dates back all the way to 2258, its most recent renovation was completed less than five years ago in 3039. You are certain to love the open kitchen-dining-living room setup that comprises the bottom floor, leaving the remaining three beds and two baths on the upper two floors. Each bedroom has a Magical View Window, with settings that include worldwide destinations as well as the default ‘Real’ setting for those who prefer to stay close to home. Comes with a Laundry Room in an AltBasement. Gardening space and shed included.

 House Profile 3/5:

98 Summer Estates 29¾ th St.

Norfolk, VA 68C 22981

5 Beds  | 2.5 Bath  |  598 m2  | $253,000

[28 img]

             Don’t let this house’s exterior fool you! This customizable and generous home is sure to make you feel a sense of belonging inside with its cozy ethically-sourced carpets, warm ReelWoodTM paneled walls, and burnished staircase leading to a second floor. This home includes a basement for any storage needs as well as an attic! An antique kitchen with a real non-stasis fridge are sure to fill you with longing for older, simpler times away from the busy heyday of modern life and modern worries. While the garden needs some tender love in the front (perfect for those who love a project!), the back hosts two sheds and plenty of space to grow your own produce!

 House Profile 4/5:

637 S. Felicity Dr.

Norfolk, VA 68C 22982

4 Beds  | 2 Bath  |  645 m2  | $290,000

[118 img]

             Comfortably situated in the hilly outskirts of Norfolk, this property will let you live out all your rural life fantasies without sacrificing the conveniences of urban living. Located close to a municipal transport station and within a ten minute’s bike ride of a small neighborhood shopping center, this two-story house boasts an expansive front porch and a balcony off the master bedroom. Each bedroom is larger than average, and each bathroom has a shower/tub room separate from the toilet and wash sink. The kitchen is recently renovated with state of the art appliances included in the price of purchase. The grounds around the property are large enough for both a garden and for outdoor activities such as badminton or good old fashioned tag. A basement provides adequate storage space without the hassle of dimensional subspace installment or upkeep.

 House Profile 5/5:

12841 NE 112th Pl.

Norfolk, VA 68C 22981

3 Beds  | 1.5 Bath  |  398 m2  |  $215,000

[56 img]

             Boasting a reasonably large garden, this cozy home is at the southern end of the city, within convenient distance of a major hospital, a police station, and several schools. Public transportation is not an issue! And neither will be cooking in the quaint kitchenette, set directly across a furnished dining room. One bedroom and half bathroom are on the bottom floor, and the remaining rooms are located on the second floor. Please see the attached images for more information!

 -

 July 19th

KoraTora

I’ve forwarded you the message the realtors sent me. Objections to any of these before I comb through them for my own preferences?

 DipTipTyrone

i still vote we just shack up with the sheep

 KoraTora

Oh my stars dips that’s

we agreed that’s not a possibility

we would literally go insane

 Bentley:

No, we would go mad almost immediately

Yes what Tora said

Um, looking at them, House 1 is out for sure. You sure you specified no extra-dimensional subspaces?

 KoraTora

You know I did

 DipTipTyrone

i got a perfectly good house up there. antique. ud love it. historians dream. excellent neighbors too. dont pry. no drama.

also protip house3 has some srs bad vibes. I think I actually recognize the basement wallpaper, on second thought.

 KoraTora

????

 DipTipTyrone

Yeah, that striping—oh, that was a pretty good one. Didn’t need to answer a call for the following five years.

 Bentley

In that case, I think we’re not going to do house 3, Tora.

 KoraTora

Ohshit

Whaddya mean, Ben?? Don’t want to live there?? It could???? Be fun!!!!

 Bentley

Yeah no

 KoraTora

Roger that, no worries.

So no to 1 and 3, any others problematic?

Oh wait Ben, u might want to take another look at 2 if u haven’t already.

 Bentley

?

What do you mean, it looked fine?

3 stories are good by me

Sure the counters in the kitchen are ugly in the photos but?

 DipTipTyrone

AltBasement and Magic Windows

u wont like them

 Bentley

Oh

Okay, then 1-3 are all out. You good with 4 and 5, Tora? Dip?

 KoraTora

Yeah I hated 2’s counters too

So I’m good with checking 4 and 5 out for now.

We can always see others after this too!!

 DipTipTyrone

youre the ones actually living there

 KoraTora

Don’t u start on that mister

ur living with us, even if you’re not always around

 Bentley

It’s gonna be your home too, you know

Anyways, I can make time for an appointment next week, Tora, so don’t worry about timing on my end too much

They keep trying to send me home early anyways. Keep talking about PTSD and resting and whatever.

 KoraTora

What happened??

I will drag you home

And lay on you

And make you rest

 Bentley

Nothing happened!! They’re just worried

All the time

…Dipper you did not show up at the front desk.

This is not a good place for you

Dipper

 KoraTorako

Dipper yes!!

But also no!!!!!!

 DipTipTyrone

We’ll be home soon.

Love you.

 KoraTorako

<3

But also that was dumb shit you just pulled

 -

Appointment Notice

7/21/42

SSA: Gables, ID 980039385

CLIENT: Torako Lam +2, ID 64239

PROPERTIES: House #4428, House #6609

START TIME: 10:30, from HomeStar Inc. HQ

END TIME: 12:30, SPECIAL ALLOWANCE Late Lunch Hour, Gables, ID 980039385

NOTES:

Will initially view House #4428 before venturing out to the outskirts of Norfolk to view House #6609. Hopefully one suffices; if not, consider suggesting Houses #1103, #4345, and #3327.

Potentially choosy clients.

 -

 Shari Ndadia, 11:28 AM

Cords, I heard you’re back early?

What happened?

 Cordelia Gables, 11:29 AM

My intuition was right, they are uncannily choosy clients

We didn’t even make it into 4428 before one of them stopped still and said ‘No.’

 Shari Ndadia, 11:29 AM

Holy shit

What??

What was it?? It couldn’t have been the exterior. It was so nice in the pics I’ve seen.

You always snatch up the nice ones.

 Cordelia Gables, 11:30 AM

Apparently

The InvisiFence was too magical

 Shari Ndadia, 11:30 AM

What the?

But, like, almost all the houses in Norfolk proper have InvisiFences?

 Cordelia Gables, 11:30 AM

Exactly

Which is why I thought ‘oh thank God we’ve got 6609, no InvisiFence’

And it went well at first, but then I told them about the security system

And the tall one was like ‘oh no’

And I was also like ‘oh no’

 Shari Ndadia, 11:32 AM

Wait

Wait

You’re still at square one with these clients?

 Cordelia Gables, 11:32 AM

Yes.

 Shari Ndadia, 11:32 AM

You? Queen of Sales?

She Who Strikes Yes On At Least One Initial Property?

 Cordelia Gables, 11:33 AM

Like I said: choosy.

 Shari Ndadia, 11:33 AM

What was wrong with the security system?

 Cordelia Gables, 11:33 AM

Not customizable

Though to be fair

They probably were only going to give that house a maybe

They weren’t too thrilled about the stasis fridge

 Shari Ndadia, 11:35 AM

…choosy.

I wish you luck with them. You going to go through our backlog of communal properties yet?

 Cordelia Gables, 11:36 AM

I’m not that desperate yet.

 -

To: olpink@homstar.com

From: cogable@homestar.com

SUBJECT: Issue with Client Lam [64239]

RECEIVED: July 30th, 3042

Mx. Pinkflax

           I regret to inform you that I have truly exhausted all of our listed properties for Client Lam and her partners. They have refused everything I have offered; I wonder myself if the property they want even exists within Norfolk. Between their confusing and adamant disdain for any kind of dimensional subspace (including things as mundane as storage spaces) and their insistence on customizable security systems, as well as their avoidance and hesitance around any kind of technology that involves stasis in any way, shape, or form, it has been impossible to fulfil their needs with the properties available to us.

           My suggestion moving forward is to either assign them to another Realtor within HomeStar, or to transfer their entire application to another company. If I recall correctly, you are on friendly terms with Lindquist Realtors. Perhaps something in their directory will suffice.

 Sincerely

Cordelia Gables

 To: cogable@homestar.com

From: olpink@homestar.com

SUBJECT: RE: Issue with Client Lam [64239]

RECEIVED: July 30th, 3042

Cordelia,

           Are you sure there’s nothing? You’ve gone through the communal backlog? I’ve looked over the application and I have some thoughts. What about House #7421? Or #8577? They’re a bit above price range, but I believe they could work.

 Olive Pinkflax

 To: olpink@homstar.com

From: cogable@homestar.com

SUBJECT: RE: Issue with Client Lam [64239]

RECEIVED: July 30th, 3042

Mx. Pinkflax,

           With all due respect, I have met with this trio every day for the last week. I dug into the backlog. I have recommended over 50 properties and shown them about a third of those. I was close with #4443, but the damn pet flap and subspace pet room killed it. If I don’t get a break from dealing with these very nice, very terrible clients, I will explode. The brown haired one has taken to very poorly concealed laughter whenever the hoodie-mask one refuses to set foot on the property. I cannot.

           If you have ideas of properties that would suffice, please be my guest. It would be nice to get back into the practical side if things, wouldn’t it?

 Sincerely,

Cordelia Gables

 -                              

 OLIVE PINKFLAX

Senior Realtor

hello@pinkoliv.org

Phone  HomeStar Inc. Messaging

 Born and raised in Norfolk, Olive Pinkflax hasn’t always wanted to be in the real estate business. They studied History of Architecture and Design in Georgia at the University of Savannah with the intent of pursuing a career in either graphic design or interior decorating. They then went abroad to work at non-profit agencies for a total of five years—in which the job market back home changed, largely at the fault of the Recession of 2978. Due to a lack of job openings, however, they eventually took a secretarial position at UniqNorfolq, a small real-estate business. There, they learned the tools of the trade due to insufficient staffing. By 2995, UniqNorfolq had become HomeStar under Pinkflax’s capable hand. While still small, they have grown the company into a name synonymous with quality, perseverance, and dedication to their clients. When not busy at their company, Pinkflax enjoys painting at home and doting on their pet rat, Squeakums.  

Audio Version             Non-English Versions             Font Adjustment

 -

 Client Transfer Notice, HomeStar Inc. Realtors

7/30/42

CLIENT: Torako Lam +2, ID 64239

ORG SSA: Gables, ID 980039385

NEW SSA: Pinkflax, ID 980012114

REASONING:

Client Lam and her partners have proven to be challenging cases. As this is the case, I have decided that the current best course of action would be to handle their properties personally. Attached to their case file are a list of all the properties that they have been recommended and shown, as well as notes describing their reasons for discontinuing interest. I am open to collaboration and ideas.

Pinkflax

 -

 July 31st

KoraTorako

We’ve been transferred to another Realtor at HomeStar, guys. Apparently it’s the owner of the company.

Bentley

I was afraid this would happen.

We’re being so picky.

DipTipTyrone

Better to be picky now and end up with what we want later!

A quickly made deal is always worse for the receiving party. Better to bide our time.

KoraTorako

Yeah, what Dip said

Also, of course we’re picky??? We’re traumatized.

We’re allowed to be picky, even if they don’t know why.

Bentley

I mean…I could live with a subspace we’d never use, I guess

KoraTorako

No

DipTipTyrone

No

Bentley

Why??

It’s my hangup

KoraTorako

You’re already compromising on stasisware

Bentley

We can always replace that!!

KoraTorako

So?? It still makes you super uncomfortable for completely valid reasons.

I still think we shouldn’t compromise on that.

Bentley

If we didn’t compromise on that

There would be nothing in Norfolk

I’m starting to think there is nothing with our current demands

The house on Clement was cute, wasn’t it? It was nice!

DipTipTyrone

It had the subspace pet flap

Bentley

That we’d never use!!

KoraTorako

You looked ready to start sparking

Or glittering

And also you had that ‘I’m on the edge of reexperiencing all of my recent traumas’ face on

Bentley

If I can deal with everything in daily life

I can deal with a pet flap

KoraTorako

But it’s our home

You shouldn’t have to deal with it at home

This is supposed to be a safe space.

DipTipTyrone

Home isn’t daily—ok Torako got me.

Bentley

It’d be better than the apartment we’re living in right now

Which

If you remember

Is where I got kidnapped from

DipTipTyrone

I do keep mentioning we can live with the Sheep

KoraTorako

You make a fair point, Bentley But also, this is a house we’re going to be in for a long while

Let’s make it worth it, ok?

Bentley

I

Fine, whatever

KoraTorako

I don’t want us to live here either

If we need to we can, I don’t know, AirDrop an apartment for a couple months

Keep our stuff in the apartment so that we don’t have to move it all immediately

We can make this work, Ben. We can have our steak and eat it too.

…

Bentley?

 -

Appointment Notice

8/03/42

SSA: Pinkflax, ID 980012114

CLIENT: Torako Lam +2

PROPERTIES: House #7421, House #8577, House #2468, House #1697

START TIME: 12:30, departure from HomeStar Inc. HQ

END TIME: 15:30, departure either from House #1697 or from HomeStar Inc. HQ in best case scenario

Starting with Houses #8577 and #7421 on the very outskirts of Norfolk, we will work our way into the center of town where both House #2468 and #1697 are located. None of the properties have any listed subspace technology integrated into the premises, none of them have magically-powered fences or windows, and only one comes equipped with a stasis fridge. Will make offer to replace fridge with an older but still highly functional device free of charge if the property is accepted.

 -

Client Profile Update

DATE:8/03/42

CLIENT: Torako Lam +2 [Bentley Farkas, Tyrone Pines]

CLIENT ID: 64239

CLASSIFICATION: Buyer

SPECIFICATIONS: Listed below

…

PROPERTY RECORD:

SSA: Gables, ID 980039385

 House #1212: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Extra-dimensional installations and heavy reliance on Magitech Appliances. [detail: Kitchen Appliances, Cabinetry]

 House #3958: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Extra-dimensional installations and heavy reliance on Magitech Appliances. [detail: Alternative Basement, Windows]

 House # 2249: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Basement wallpaper and house history. [detail: 2950’s owners were heavily involved with the Cult of Futures Past, Decorative Preferences]

 House #4428: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Heavy reliance on Magitech Appliances [detail: InvisiFence surrounding property. Client Farkas refused to cross the boundary, saying “No” nearly immediately. Apparently sensitive to magical energy. Caution moving onwards is advised.]

 House #6609: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Security System installed in the property is incapable of being customized. [detail: Client Lam has expressed that a non-customizable security system is out of the question. Furthermore, Client Farkas expressed discomfort with the Stasis Fridge. Caution moving onwards is advised.]

 House #1033: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Decorative Preferences. [detail: shag carpeting, loud wallpaper, windows too small]

 House #3290: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Security System installed in the property is incapable of being customized.

[detail: Client Lam somehow pieced together the security code engraved around all the doors and windows, researched it, and discovered that the code is unalterable without starting over completely from scratch. IE, a warding expert carefully sanding down the inscribed code and then re-installing it to customer specifications. The House Profile has since been updated. Client Lam has since expressed that she would be open to having an initially insecure home to make secure herself. Uncertain if actually qualified to do such work.]

 House #5533: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Household Electrical Wiring is too reliant on MagiTech. [detail: Client Farkas, again, expressed his distaste with the whole affair immediately upon entering the house by saying, “No,” and walking out again. How he noticed the wiring through solid wall is a mystery for the ages. Sensitivity to magic alone cannot explain it.]

 House #7567: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Decorative Preferences. [detail: Upon seeing the decoratively engraved floorboards up close, Client Pines recoiled and uttered, verbatim, “The day I spend any significant amount of time in this accursed home is the day I lay waste to the whole of humanity.” Apparently the script contains excerpts from the original Twin Souls literature. Housing detail has been accordingly updated.]

 House #2675: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Decorative Preferences. [detail: Apparently, Clients Lam, Farkas, and Pines are not fans of rooster-themed kitchen décor.]

 House #1181: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Basement too reliant on MagiTech and extra-dimensional subspace technology. [detail: The basement was a secret basement. Client Pines stared at the living room floor for an uncomfortably long time before raising his head and telling the SSA, “You might want to be careful opening that.” Property Owner has since been alerted and advised to proceed with caution.]

[UPDATE 7/29: Property has been pulled from the market while police reopen a case and conduct an investigation.]

 House #4482: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Preferences. [detail: 3 bedrooms minimum is non-negotiable and the bathrooms were too cramped]

 House #5319: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Interior did not align with Client Decorative Preferences. [detail: They don’t like the color of the walls. Note to stay away from overly bright greens and yellows in the future.]

 …

[scrolling]

…

 House #5497: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: House Address. [detail: like many other clients before them, the prospects of living at 6969 Dickinson Straightway appear to have caused the clients to decline this particular property.]

 House #9569: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Building Materials not up to Client Standards. [detail: After showing the clients around the property for fifteen minutes, Client Lam hummed, squinted her eyes at the nearest window, and said, “Does that window look like somebody could break through it to you two?” The next five minutes were spent by Clients Lam and Pines discussing the fragility of triple-reinforced glass against various potential weapons, tools, etc {not limited to but including demonic powers, a bazooka, and a thumbtack} while Client Farkas sat down on the floor, put his gloved hands over his face, and muttered a nearly unintelligible “I’m sorry” to presumably the SSA. These clients are hopeless.]

 House #4443: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Pet Flap and Pet Room are too reliant on extra-dimensional subspaces. [detail: Client Farkas stared at the pet flap, turned around, and put his hand on the SSA’s shoulder before saying, “No,” and walking out. Housing information has since been updated to include the unlisted Pet Room.]

 House #3944: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: Unclear. [detail: Client Lam, in the emailed response, simply said, “Look, we’re all tired and this house is too square(?) for {Client Pines}, so we’re just gonna give it a couple days before trying again.”]

[SSA is going to file for a transfer of client.]

 SSA: Pinkflax, ID 980012114

 House #7421: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Distance.

Detail: Too far from nearest transporter station.

SSA Comments: Clients appeared pleased with most aspects of the house. As per SSA Gable’s consultation, Client Lam appears most concerned with matters of household security. Client Farkas is harder to read, due to constantly wearing sunglasses, a hoodie, and a surgical mask despite the weather, but does not hesitate to make his opinions clear. Client Pines is…a mystery.

 House #8577: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Décor, House Layout, Location.

Detail: Housing does not come with security, but the spackled walls and ceiling are apparently difficult to do the variety of warding Client Lam is used to. Layout is, according to Client Pines, confusing. House 8577 is also apparently on the edge of a minor magical hotspot, as Client Farkas has confirmed.

SSA Comments: The difficulty in getting the clients a suitable home is evident. Client Farkas appears to be the biggest wildcard, despite his consistency in what he refuses. There simply does not seem to be a reliable way to ensure that the properties will not set him against them and are simultaneously up to other standards shared by all three clients.

 House #2468: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: House Size, presence of Extra-Dimensional Subspace, Décor.

Detail: At 780m2, the premises were too large for upkeep. While Client Pines seemed to disagree, offering to do more cleaning in exchange for snacks and ice cream, both Client Lam and Client Farkas weren’t convinced enough to ignore the décor (the elaborate crown molding is too “ostentatious” and “creepy,”) and certainly not when the non-disclosed extra-dimensional subspace was discovered in a false wardrobe.

SSA Comments: After the clients left, I investigated. Inside the subspace, kept pristine likely only by the fact that time does not pass quickly within those places, was an additional bed and a luxurious bathroom. The style of bedsheets and drapes indicates that the subspace was installed nearly a century ago, which seems odd seeing as subspaces in those days were unstable and tended to disintegrate. On a different note, this time it was both Clients Pines and Farkas who balked at the presence of the subspace. Take note to pay more attention to reactions in the future, and to survey properties properly before visitations.

 House #1697: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Security System.

Detail: Client Lam disagreed with the validity and effectiveness of the existing security system, and upon a close study of it (25 minutes), declared that it would be too difficult to properly alter and that removal would only be slightly easier.

SSA Comments: I would pay for the removal myself if it made these clients buy the house. There were no other issues with it. Upon my making the offer out loud, Client Lam laughed and said, “No, no, that’s all right! I’d rather find something a little more ready first!”

 House #2292: Declined w/o viewing.

Reasoning: House Layout.

Detail: House is built like a townhome, with a main room and bathroom on each of its 5 levels; Clients professed concern regarding the kitchen being on a separate floor from the living and dining room.

SSA Comments: Unfortunate. The building fit all of their specifications—the security system installed is simple to both customize and remove, there are miraculously no extra dimensional spaces on premises, and the only significant presence of magical technology in the entire property is the mailbox, which can be replaced at a very low cost. We investigated ourselves. Client Lam, their partnership’s point of contact, did say that it was a close call, but that ultimately they would only purchase when completely satisfied.

 House #1357: Viewed, but declined.

Reasoning: Décor.

Detail: Client Pines felt the colors were too ‘smorple’ and ‘floreen’ and several other descriptors that do not appear in any dictionary. When asked if he had noticed the issues when viewing the profile sent to them, he confessed that the colors simply ‘were different in person.’ Client Lam agreed that she didn’t appreciate the tile flooring in the kitchen. Client Farkas was quiet.  

SSA Comments: I hate to admit it, but I know a lost cause when I see one. Do they even want a house?

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: olpink@homestar.com

Attached: ClientRecord64239.qbf

SUBJECT: A Professional Request

RECEIVED: August 7th, 3042

Dearest Qilar,

             I hope that this message finds you well. How is your family doing? I (and Squeakums, for that matter) look forward to our bi-weekly dinner and movie. I know you’ve discussed that the last full moon has left you feeling worn out, and I look forward to relaxing with you for a night.

           I write this message in the hopes that you would be amenable to taking on a client of ours. Unfortunately, we have been incapable of finding a property that would completely satisfy their desires. We have exhausted our listings. I know that you have several properties in Norfolk, and even those close to major terminals outside of Norfolk. I also know that you like a challenge.

           Attached is the client file for your information. Names and personal information have, of course, been redacted. They will be readable upon your agreement to take these clients on. The clients have of course been notified about this possible course of action. Should you decline this case, I would be more than understanding.

 Well wishes to you and yours,

Olive Pinkflax

 -

 To: tora@lam.com

From: hello@qilarlind.org

SUBJECT: Welcome to your experience at Lindquist Realtors!

RECEIVED: August 10th, 3042

 Dear Ms. Lam,

           Hello. My name is Qilar Lindquist. You and I have not had the pleasure of meeting, but I am sure that when we do, it will be wonderful. As you may know, my good friend Mx. Pinkflax conveyed to me their concerns that they didn’t have the property best suited to you in their register. However, with access to a larger company such as Lindquist Realtors, they hoped that you would have more success. If you are still obliging, I am more than happy to take you and your partners on as clients of Lindquist Realtors. It would be thrilling to find you the house you and your partners have been dreaming of. Please respond to this message as soon as you are capable, so that we may begin the process.

 Sincerely,

Qilar Lindquist

Lindquist Realtors

 -

 QILAR LINDQUIST

Senior Realtor

hello@qilarlind.org

Phone  Lindquist Realtors Homepage

Alternative Display Options

             While not born and raised in Norfolk, Qilar Lindquist has been settled in this fine city for the past 20 years. A born werewolf, Qilar has always wanted to follow his parents’ footsteps. He succeeded as well, opening up a new branch of Lindquist Realtors in Norfolk at the tender age of 28. He studied business, architecture, and chemistry at the University of Des Moines. Intelligent, quick-witted, and charming, Qilar Lindquist is dedicated to serving his clients in any way he can. Outside of work, he is involved with the local community theater and can be found volunteering at various non-profit goodwill organizations around the city. His husband often joins him in these endeavors.  

 Back to Realtor Biographies Homepage

 -

 August 13th, 3042

Chat with Saint Akuapem

6:36 PM

Thank you for the scones the other day. Hepsa enjoyed them.

So did I.

How is house-hunting going?

6:59 PM

Sorry, still working that Thompson case.

Thanks for working with me on it.

And the house hunting’s not going so great.

7:12 PM

Of course. You’re bright. I like hearing your input.

Just not situated to be a public officer of the law.

What with your friend.

7:13 PM

I know.

7:13 PM

I’m sorry to hear it is not going as well as hoped.

Would you like to talk about it?

7:14 PM

The realtor company you recommended couldn’t find anything for us

So we’ve been transferred to another realtor.

7:15 PM

Nothing? Really?

What realtor?

7:15 PM

Yeah, nothing. Lindquist Realtors.

7:16 PM

Hepsa says they are good. You are in good hands.

7:16 PM

Yeah, we had our first house hunting today.

I’m just worried it’s going to go nowhere here as well.

7:18 PM

Sorry for saying but. I find that hard to believe.

You will find a house.

What are your specifications?

7:19 PM

Ummm 3 BR 2 BTH Defs LDK

450-600 SQM

Garden with like 100-200 SQM?

No Magitech if possible, no exdim subspaces at all

Security system gotta be customizable or not there at all

We can be a little picky with décor sometimes

And house gotta be sturdy

There’s probably something else

7:26 PM

I see.

That would be difficult.

Are you willing to compromise on anything?

7:27 PM

Price. I put down 350k but if it gets me the house I want

Then I’ll pay more.

7:27 PM

Understood.

Where are you staying now?

7:27 PM

Still in the apartment

Got the lease to finish

Hate it but until we have somewhere else

7:29 PM

…how is Bentley?

7:29 PM

He’s stressed.

With the house, and being here

He’s always having nightmares

So tired all the time

Insists on going to work though and I cant talk him out of it

I want to get a house for him

But I don’t want him to have to deal with all the shit he is in the apartment

He doesn’t see himself as important enough to take care of, sometimes

So I have to take that into account

7:32 PM

What exactly is going on, Torako?

How is Bentley not taking care of himself?

7:32 PM

Like, it’s not that I don’t understand where hes coming from

I get that I might be being a bit unreasonable

But he keeps saying ‘oh I can just DEAL with having an exdim subspace in the house’

‘never mind that it’s a huge trigger for all my trauma’

‘and that I sometimes cant stop looking at it just to make sure its still there and im still on the reality side of things’

‘ill just wear my magic-cancelling glasses all the time’

‘and be unable to sleep from the headache’

‘it’s not that big of a deal, torako, let’s have the magitech here that hurts to look at too much’

‘who cares, it’s just a fridge torako!! Not like it was used to TRANSPORT ME to a FOREIGN COUNTRY so that a MADMAN could CONDUCT EXPERIMENTS ON ME to the point that I almost took FATALLY DRASTIC ACTION’

He keeps saying he’ll just put up with his trauma like it’s a minor inconvenience!!

And he shouldn’t have to do that.

Not in a house that’s our own.

7:36 PM

Bentley was what now.

7:36 PM

Oh right

You didn’t know that part

7:36 PM

You went to get him.

7:36 PM

of course

I love him

7:36 PM

Therapy?

7:36 PM

Bentley? Yeah.

Hell of an NDA.

7:37 PM

No, you.

7:37 PM

She’s the only other person who knows everything.

Like, everything everything.

wait what?

7:37 PM

Torako.

I think you’re not doing as well as you think you are.

7:37 PM

Bentley was tortured

I wasnt

7:38 PM

I’ll believe you on that.

But you still devoted yourself to finding him.

And he was tortured, and you have to deal with the consequences of that too.

7:38 PM

???

7:39 PM

You sound stressed, Torako.

And scared.

7:39 PM

Maybe a little

But Bentleys more important rn

7:40 PM

I would say you’re both equally important.

Sorry, Torako, Hepsa is calling me; we’re going to a late night movie.

I’ll keep my eye out for you.

7:40 PM

OK

Thank you

I really appreciate it

 -

 Client Profile Update

DATE:8/15/42

CLIENT: Torako Lam +2 [Bentley Farkas, Tyrone Pines]

CLIENT ID: IMP64239

CLASSIFICATION: Buyer

CAUTION: PICKY, SPECIFIC, UNCOMPROMISING

SPECIFICATIONS: Listed below

…

LINDQUIST REALTORS PROPERTY RECORD:

SSA: Lindquist, ID 109A854D

…

…

NEW UPDATES 8/15/42

 HOUSE ID: 798A 209X

ADDRESS: 389 West Hampton Drive

SELLER: Mx. Adelaide Hanson

STATUS: DECLINED

NOTES: Unfortunately, despite attempts to the contrary, the clients were not impressed with the security system. We discussed it at length at Lindquist Realtors and felt it sufficient, but Client Lam insisted quite sternly that she needed to have full control over the system. RapierSolutions is a top of the line system. I tried to convey that to Client Lam, but she refused to hear sense. “I need to be able to alter it,” she said. “If I can’t alter it, it’s a no-go—especially with those weak windows and the shallow hinges on the entryways.” Mx. Pinkflax was not kidding around when they said Client Lam was a bit controlling over safety specifications. Possible paranoia?

 HOUSE ID: 665D 187L

ADDRESS: 9821 NW 4736 PL

SELLER: Mr. and Ms. Nakatani

STATUS: DECLINED, INACTIVE

NOTES: We combed the premises for subspaces personally. Nevertheless, Client Farkas quietly pointed out that there was a secret bunker hidden under the premises, and that it spanned the entire property. While he hastened to assure us that it wouldn’t be that much of an issue, Client Lam overheard and insisted that they wouldn’t buy any property with extradimensional subspaces. When Client Farkas attempted to tell his partner that they weren’t going to use that garden gate anyways, Client Lam shut him down. Client Pines also wandered over from where he was inspecting the brick wall of the garden, said “This place might be cursed,” and waved his partners cheerily off of the premises.

Upon notifying the authorities as required by law that there may or may not be a curse on the premises, the police shut down the premises. Any attempt to contact Mr. and Mrs. Nakatani beyond alerting them to the existence of the subspace has been unsuccessful.

UPDATE: the extradimensional basement is now the scene of a crime. 665D 187L is now under government jurisdiction.

 HOUSE ID: 278K 396V

ADDRESS: 421 Wildstar Avenue

SELLER: Mr. Fegelhorn and Mr. Gil

STATUS: DECLINED

NOTES: Client Lam, predictably, criticized the ‘astounding lack of security’ in the warding system, the ‘structural instability’ of a perfectly good cellar window, and the presence of a stasis fridge on the premises. Client Farkas was silent. Client Pines said that he ‘liked the staircase’ but that the upstairs bathroom tub was ‘too small for his preferences.’ Naturally, the clients declined the home.

 HOUSE ID: 525P 792S

ADDRESS: 98 Maplefarm S. Street

SELLER: Mrs. Polinski

STATUS: DECLINED, INACTIVE

NOTES: Surprisingly, it was not Client Lam or Client Farkas who had reason to decline the property. This is probably because Client Pines, five steps past the garden gate, hissed and bodily hauled his partners away from the grounds. When asked what the matter was, he snarled out in the most terrifying voice something about unquestionable evil and the screams of the undead. As required by Law, we have notified the authorities.

UPDATE: Property is now under police jurisdiction. Norfolk Government Demonologists and Exorcists evacuated the entire block for a full 48 hours. It seems Mrs. Polinski was being possessed by a terribly old demon, Hyutgen the Voracious and had been for an undetermined amount of time.

What is up with these Clients and finding horrific crime scenes?

-

August 15th, 3042

Chat with Handsome <3 <3 <3

5:28 PM

Darling, what’s up?

You seem to be staying late at the agency today

As of late, really.

Is it The Clients?

5:57 PM

I’m so sorry.

Yes, it is.

This is much more difficult than anticipated.

Olive called it a challenge and I was foolish enough to think I had it in the bag.

The Clients are insatiable.

There’s always something wrong with the properties. Always.

And they keep uncovering properties as crime scenes??

6:03 PM

I’m so sorry darling.

6:03 PM

I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Bayani.

I’m so tired.

I’ve shown them over 30 properties, personally.

6:04 PM

Do you want to talk it out?

I can get your favorite dinner together

We can curl up on the couch

Put on some Strandson

6:05 PM

You know what?

Yeah.

Yeah, that sounds nice.

I’ll be home in 10 minutes.

6:06 PM

See you soon <3

6:06 PM

<3 <3

 -

 To: tora@lam.com

From: hello@qilarlind.org

SUBKECT: Realtor Change Notification

RECEIVED: August 16th, 3042

 Dear Ms. Lam,

           My apologies in advance for the contents of this email, though I hope it finds you well. Unfortunately, due to my position as head of company, I am unable to continue being your Realtor. I have transferred you to the care of one of my very capable senior agents. Mx. Ya-en. I hope that you understand, and that Mx. Ya-en can see to your needs better than I have.

 Sincerely,

Qilar Lindquist

Lindquist Realtors

 -

 HARLEY YA-EN

Senior Realtor

hello@harleyyaen.org

Phone  Lindquist Realtors Homepage

Alternative Display Options

             Harley Ya-en, despite xir elderly age of 84, is one of Lindquist Realtor’s most capable senior Realtors. A psychic who can read auras, Harley Ya-en is capable of anticipating the client’s needs and emotions. This allows Mx. Ya-en practical insight into which properties will suit a buying client’s needs. Xe also has a wealth of knowledge regarding the Norfolk area due to living here for the past 50 years, and is a font of trivia sure to satisfy the most curious of souls. Xe lives with xir husband and wife, and enjoys taking road trips—

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: harleyyaen@lindquistrealtors.com

SUBJECT: LOL NO

RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042

 Qilar,

           Holy fucking shit you do not pay me enough for this. You have to transfer them. I cannot work with these clients.

Sincerely,

Harley

 -

 To: harleyyaen@lindquistrealtors.com

From: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

SUBJECT: RE: LOL NO

RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042

 Harley,

           What happened?? What did they do??

 Qilar

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: harleyyaen@lindquistrealtors.com

SUBJECT: RE: LOL NO

RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042

 Qilar,

           They didn’t do anything in particular. They’re just impossible clients—I’m thinking it’s not even their fault, entirely—and I have read their file. Even with that, I was hesitantly down for the challenge until I saw their auras and interacted with them today. I am Not Doing It. I am too old for this. Give me another assignment.

 Sincerely,

Harley

 -

 To: harleyyaen@lindquistrealtors.com

From: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

SUBJECT: RE: LOL NO

RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042

 Harley,

           I’m sorry, I need more explanation than this to take you off immediately. I handled a week. So can you. You can’t use your age as an excuse all the time.

 Qilar

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: harleyyaen@lindquistrealtors.com

SUBJECT: RE: LOL NO

RECEIVED: August 17th, 3042

 Qilar,

           Fine: here it is.

           I only got the two Clients. Client Pines was, as they said, out on important business, who knows when he’ll be back. Something was fishy about that but okay, I won’t pry, and these two are setting me off on edge a little as is so maybe it’s just that.

           Then the more I interact with them, the more I realize that Client Farkas’s aura is just fucking weird. Bananapants, CocoNutPuffs, whatever you want to call it. It’s all muddled and patchy and a headache and a half to read. It’s like somebody took his aura, threw out most of it, and stuffed a bunch of excess aura in to fill the gaps. There’s no way he was born like that, and there’s no way whatever happened was pretty (or probably even painless). He’s definitely trying, though, so I figured aight, we’ll see if we can’t compromise with this whippersnapper.

           The problem is Client Lam.

           Client Lam doesn’t want to be pleased. Client Lam, for whatever reason, is terrified. And overprotective of Client Farkas. And she’s absolutely looking for reasons to be disappointed, or she’s at least seeing shadows where there are none. We could present Client Lam with a fortress and she wouldn’t be satisfied. My bet is that whatever happened to Farkas’s aura was traumatizing, and Lam was impacted by that trauma. I showed her two viable properties at excellent prices with wonderful locations and an astounding lack of extradimensional pockets or Magitech gadgets, and she found fault with them. Neither were crime scenes, thankfully.

           You may want to assign them with somebody who has experience—but you could also use this opportunity to show some junior realtors how tough clients can be. Also, the junior realtors might not be so entrenched in the practice, and they could have some excellent ideas.

           Or you could just…send these clients to somebody else. Your choice. I’m just not dealing with it. They’ll drive me into an early grave if I take this too seriously, and you know how I get.

 Sincerely,

Harley

 -

 To: tora@lam.com

From: hello@amarshir.org

SUBJECT: Realtor Change Notification

RECEIVED: August 18th, 3042

 Dear Ms. Lam,

           Hello! What a pleasure it is to meet you. I’m writing to inform you that unfortunately, Mx. Ya-en is unable to continue handling your case. The upside is that I am able to do so in xir stead! My name is Amar Shirvani, and I’m going to be handling your case from now on. I’m excited to work with you and your partners, and hope that you are as excited to work with me! I promise I will do my best to help you achieve your housing dreams!

 Yours,

Amar Shirvani

Lindquist Realtors

 -

 AMAR SHIRVANI

Junior Realtor

hello@amarshir.org

Phone  Lindquist Realtors Homepage

Alternative Display Options

             Native to Norfolk, Amar Shirvani is the youngest member of Lindquist Realtors at 22 years old. He recently graduated from the Offet University of Business with honors. While not the most experienced, Amar brings exuberance and creative thinking to the team at Lindquist Realtors. He has been involved with volunteer work from early childhood due to his parents—

 -

 TweetyFlaps Trending

#clientwoes

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself

@Silverforks

So I’ve got a kind of sort of customer service job, right. And so far it’s been fine! I’ve had ok clients. And then Bossman slides me a paunchy one cross the table and I start to understand #clientwoes for the first awful real time. 1/ 10:48 AM        23 AUG 3042

______________________________________________________________________

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

2/ i know from the start its gonna be a Ride. Like, chalk and candles intensity. Client file is thicc w/rejected properties (im in housing). But I’m game!! Im always game, you know me haha. Unfortunately… 10:50 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

3/ these are clients from hell. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were actually demons in disguise. Here to torture me. For something. I aint actually ever summoned nothing. But like, it’s unreal how BAD this exp has been. 10:51 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

4/ for 1, they all look normal expt one of them. Head to toe, covered. Would think was vampire, but that’s usu specified in reports. Nobody’s seen his skin other than flashes. Aight, tho, I aint prejudiced, i’ll roll with it. 10:53 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

5/ so they super picky clients, right. I thought nah, they cant be that bad!! Just haven’t hooked the right worm yet. So I pick out a coupla worms (houses) that I think they might enjoy and hoo boy was that a chore, but im satisfied! Spoiler: they aint. 10:56 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

6/ they aint never gon be satisfied. #1, not-vampire client mentions v v quietly to me that sorry, theres a thing he cant deal with on premises, but mb they can still keep it in mind?? But (super good hearing???) another client hears and squawks about it. he aint having it, apparently.   10:58 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

7/ and then third client (Harpy) hears bc squawk, and she SUPER aint having it, so we just go to the next house. And the next one. And—u get it already.   10:59 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

8/ and like, im patient. Im pretty lowkey. But today’s house was—perfect?? There was nothing wrong with it. Client Hoodie didn’t say nothing bad. Liked the rooms. Client EllieEars don’t complain bout no weird curses or dead bodies or bad décor. But Client Harpy?? Client Harpy is impossible. 11:02 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

9/ u kno what she said?? She said, and I repeat: the front door is too thin.

The front door. Which is a solid 5 cm of wood (real!! Wood!!). is too thin. It’s “Insecure”. 11:03 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

10/11 I didn’t say it bc im a good worker, but I really wanted to go off on her. She’s impossible. This is the worst assignment ever. Ive worked so hard my soul’s gonna feel it 5 carnations down.   11:05 AM        23 AUG 3042

 world aint gonna end til I end it myself                            

Replying to @Silverforks

11/11 srsly. 5 cm of solid wood!! Insecure. Unbelievable. #clientwoes 11:05 AM        23 AUG 3042

 -

 August 23rd  

Bentley

Sally Mihn at work sent me this.

You might want to take a look.

https://tweetyflap.com/silverforks/status/1199679934986810752

 DipTipTyrone

oh boy

that’s about us alright

 Bentley

Yeah

It is

Torako

We need to have a fucking talk

 KoraTorako

We do need to have a talk with the realtors

That’s unacceptable

 Bentley

What we need to do with the realtors is apologize

What we three need to do is discuss what the fuck we’re doing

 KoraTorako

No, that was completely unprofessional

And what do you mean, what are we doing?? We’re looking for a house.

 DipTipTyrone

I’ll take care of the tweets for a pack of gummies

 Bentley

No, Dipper

Torako

We have been house-hunting for a month

We have looked at over 200 houses by this point

 KoraTorako

Thanks dip but probs not

 Bentley

And you have said no

To all

Of them

We need to fucking compromise

 KoraTorako

Compromise on what?? Our safety?? Our comfort?

 Bentley

No, on your unachievable standards

 DipTipTyrone

Oh

Oh no

 KoraTorako

Who says they unachievable??

 Bentley

The 200+ houses we’ve looked at to dismiss out of hand!

 DipTipTyrone

This is a fight, isn’t it

 KoraTorako

I’m just making sure that whatever we get will be safe!

 Bentley

Most of them HAVE been safe!

You’re just being STUPIDLY overprotective!

 DipTipTyrone

oh no im the

im the middle party aren’t i

 KoraTorako

I am not!

 Bentley

Yes you are! You need to trust me to make choices for myself!!

 KoraTorako

Well, I would if you weren’t so insistent on ignoring your own wellbeing!

 DipTipTyrone

How does one mediate

 Bentley

I’m just trying to find a fucking house! I’m trying to meet them in the middle!

 KoraTorako

Not on that you shouldn’t!

 Bentley

It’s MY choice!

 KoraTorako

And it’s MINE TOO!

You shouldn’t be in an environment that causes you to have so many fucking nightmares!

Like you are NOW

 DipTipTyrone

Uuuhhh shit shit shit um

You’re both right and both wrong?

 Bentley

Love you, but Shut up dip

And maybe I’m having nightmares because we’re still in this fucking apartment

 KoraTorako

I told you we could stay at another Rental until we found a house!

And shut up dip, im the right one here

 Bentley

You’re the right one???

We can’t solve everything with money, Torako!! And at the pace we’re going, we’d be in that rental place until our current lease is up Next January

 DipTipTyrone

…maybe this is an in-person convo?

 KoraTorako

I just want our house to be safe!! What if something happens again?

 Bentley

It won’t fucking happen again! Fantino was a one-off. I haven’t pissed off any other researchers overly invested in their research lately!

 DipTipTyrone

What about that one guy at work?

Wait no ignore that

 KoraTorako

But it MIGHT! We! Don’t! Know for sure!!

 Bentley

We don’t know that it WILL happen, Torako!

You need to just let this stupid fucking paranoia go

 DipTipTyrone

Uh

 KoraTorako

Stupid?? Fucking paranoia??

 DipTipTyrone

Bentley that was not uh

Not good

 KoraTorako

It’s not paranoia if it could happen again. It happened once.

I can’t forget that, Bentley. I can’t forget going to open that door and finding it unlocked. I can’t forget opening the apartment to you being gone, and to the wards being destroyed, and to everything I thought was keeping us safe not actually keeping us safe.

I’m not doing that, Ben.

The house we’re getting?? Is going to be fucking safe, and I am going to make it that way.

 DipTipTyrone

Torako…

 Bentley

Look, I get that

But there were ways of making the houses we looked at safe that you weren’t willing to entertain.

That one, with the green roof and the cute staircase?? That was totally viable. We absolutely could have torn the security system out with no trouble.

We literally have Dipper to do that for us.

But you said no! Like you said no to the one with the nice garden, and the one with the really big open windows.

I just want a house, Torako.

It’s not even like we’re necessarily going to live here forever? So if it’s not perfect, I’m ok. I just want somewhere to live that’s not the apartment.

 KoraTorako

And I just want us to be safe, Bentley.

I cant do this right now.

I have to go.

 DipTipTyrone

Is it over?

…fuck it isn’t, is it.

Fuck.

 -

To: hello@qilarlind.org

From: tora@lam.com

SUBJECT: Important

RECEIVED: August 23rd 3042

 Dear Mr. Lindquist,

           Hello. I’m writing to inform you that one of your employees—I’m assuming our current agent, Mr. Amar Shirvani—vented about my partners and I on a public forum. Here is the link: https://tweetyflap.com/silverforks/status/1199679934986810752

           While I understand that we have not been very accommodating clients—myself particularly—I don’t believe that this appropriate behavior. Venting is important, but the place where Mr. Shirvani chose to express his frustrations wasn’t the right one. Please convey this to him for me.

           I don’t want him to lose his job. He’s young and hasn’t learned this particular lesson yet. But I also find myself hesitant to keep working with Mr. Shirvani. Would you be willing to either transfer us to another realtor, or recommend us to another company like Mx. Pinkflax did? I would really appreciate it.

 Sincerely,

Torako Lam

Private Investigator

.

-

 To: tora@lam.com

From: hello@qilarlind.org

SUBJECT: RE: Important

RECEIVED: August 24th 3042

 Dear Ms. Lam,

           I’m very sorry to hear about what Mr. Shirvani did. We’ve discussed the incident and he understands the impropriety of his actions. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

           While I believe that we have exhausted our properties here at Lindquist Realtors, I am happy to recommend you to a few other businesses in the Norfolk Area. They’re smaller, but perhaps they have the specific kind of property that you are looking for. I will do my best to put in a good word for you. Should that fail, I will personally endeavor to find you the house you need.

 Sincerely,

Qilar Lindquist

Lindquist Realtors

 -

 August 24th

Chat with Reynash Pines

11:01 AM

Hey Reynash

Can I ask you a question?

11:02 AM

What a surprise to hear from you via text!

Usually you just pop in and scare my soul out of my chest.

But for your question-- please ask

There’s nothing to do at work at the moment.

11:02 AM

Wouldn’t you usually leave?

Or have things changed again without me realizing it?

11:03 AM

Oh no, normally I would

But I have an appointment at 11:45 that I have to stick around for.

What’s your question?

11:04 AM

Torako and Bentley are fighting over housing.

We’ve told you about the house-hunting, right?

11:04 AM

Oh dear. Yes, I know.

Why are they fighting?

11:05 AM

Trauma. I think. They didn’t say themselves.

But I think it’s trauma.

Anyways, that’s not the important part.

What’s important is how do I help them?

11:06 AM

From the incident back around May?

Oh dear.

Are you sure that’s not the important part?

11:06 AM

Mostly.

Anyway. I just need to know how to mediate.

I haven’t mediated in…

In forever?

I can’t remember.

11:07 AM

…why are you even asking me?

11:07 AM

Because not many people know me as me

And you’re one of the only people who has known me as me for a significant amount of time and are also NOT ben or tora

And also you’re pretty calm mostly except when I show up and scare you

11:09 AM

Well

In my defense, I think most people would be scared if you showed up out of thin air and yelled strange things like WHAT YOU CRAVIN or whatever.

11:10 AM

Are you…sassy?

11:10 AM

Possibly

Back to your predicament: mediating

Have Bentley and Torako been able to talk to each other in person about this?

11:11 AM

No :(

They’ve been very quiet around each other at home.

And Bentley’s going on a trip soon.

So they won’t have a chance for a while.

Do they have to??

11:12 AM

It’s just easier to mediate when you’re all there.

Basically

They have to have the conversation, right?

Your job as mediator is to make sure they stay on task

And that no thoughtlessly cruel words are said.

11:12 AM

So they can say mean things

But they can’t mean the mean things?

11:13 AM

Okay, let me rephrase:

They’re mad at each other. They might say mean things that just hurt each other. Words that are meant to hurt each other.

They should not do that.

That does not help the conversation.

11:13 AM

Oh

Hm

So if one says the other is being stupidly paranoid

That’s where I say no, stop?

11:13 AM

Right.

11:14 AM

And if the other says one is being needlessly reckless with his own mental health

That’s where I say no, stop?

11:14 AM

Er

Maybe not, depending

Is he being needlessly reckless with his own mental health?

11:14 AM

I don’t know? Maybe? How do I tell?

11:15 AM

I can’t believe I’m saying this but

We might need to have this conversation face to face.

Please come he0-awekjhwel

11:39 AM

And remember what we discussed

And the pamphlets I sent you

And also please remind Torako and Bentley that Lata would like to see them sometime next month if they’re able to.

11:39 AM

Thanks Ray!

I really appreciate everything

Sorry for making you scream!

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: simonkhoo@khoohootrealtors.com

SUBJECT: RE: Professional Request

RECEIVED: August 25th, 3042

 Dear Qilar Lindquist

           Thank you very much for the request. I’m honored that you would consider sending us clients that you yourself could not satisfy. It honestly instills an incredible, renewed sense of capability in us here at Khoohoo Realtors.

           Upon viewing the file you sent, however, one of my junior realtors raised concerns that these particular clients may be too difficult for a firm of our moderate size to adequately deal with. Between yourselves and HomeStar Realtors, these three clients weren’t satisfied. That, to us, is a bit of a red flag. We reviewed their specifications in comparison to our own catalogue, but don’t believe we have anything that they would be interested in actually buying. Therefore, in the interest of saving everybody a great deal of time and energy, I must admit that we cannot at this time take on your clients.

 Have an excellent day,

Simon Khoo

Head of Khoohoo Realtors

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: lancefraiser@dreamhomerealtors.com

SUBJECT: RE: Professional Request

RECEIVED: August 25th, 3042

 Dear Qilar Lindquist

             Thank you very much for this request.

           Unfortunately, we don’t have the time or patience for clients that would require a great deal of energy. From the looks of the file you attached, that seems to be the case with these clients. Therefore, in short, no.

 Yours,

Lance Fraiser

Senior Realtor

DreamHome Realtors

 -

 To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

From: naitafellen@redfinrealtors.com

Attachment: 2042-PoliceRecoverKidnappedManwithHelpFromCivillian.qbf

SUBJECT: RE: Professional Request

RECEIVED: August 27th, 3042

 Qilar,

           Long time no talk, friend!! Wow it’s been a while, I guess we’ve both been busy. I know this is a professional request and all, but we should get drinks or something!! I hear there’s a great alfree bar that’s just opened up downtown. Apparently it has killer drinks, and it of course it doesn’t have alcoholic stuff so you’re good to drink whatever.

           I took a look at the client rec you sent me, and hoo boy they’ve sure got a record! RedFin usually takes whatever, and you know that, but I don’t actually think we can get them anything?? I’d feel bad chucking properties at them that I know they won’t like. I think they’ve already checked out like three quarters of Norfolk lol. Talk about trying to summon with a broom and a lighter!

           Also, they really remind me of this one tweety I read recently? Oof, if that was one of your kiddos who posted it, you should really tell them that’s a bad call—both for them and the clients. These clients aren’t going to get anything in Norfolk, not with that popular tweety paired with that record. And if it gets out that your kiddo was the one that posted that??? Aint nobody gonna hire them, not with all this client confidentiality and all at stake. Gotta be careful what you post online, even when it is venting.

           Yo, but hey, hope you find somebody for these clients! They seem like they got some scary baggage. The one who nopes around magitec and exdims reminds me of something I read in the news a while ago—it was an article that was hushed down p quickly out of respect for the victim, but I still got the doc. I’ve attached it if you want to read! It might even help you figure stuff out with your clients, even if they aren’t the same.

 Let’s meet up for drinks sometime!

Naita Fellen

Owner of RedFin Realtors, Norfolk

Senior Realtor

 -

 August 27th

KoraTorako

I just received an email from Qilar that he’s going to continue to handle our case, but that it may take a while to comb through what properties they have left.

I said it was fine because Bentley’s off on a trip.

 DipTipTyrone

Great!!

This seems like a good time to have a heart to heart, don’t you think?

 KoraTorako

I, uh, what?

 DipTipTyrone

Bentley’s doing nothing right now! Bentley, talk

Bentley, talk or I’ll make you talk.

Bentley I know you’re at your hotel.

 Bentley

Oh my stars dip

What??

 DipTipTyrone

You guys argued a lot last time we really had a discussion

And you’re angry

And you need to talk about why you’re angry

So that you have a healthy conclusion to your argument

And so that you understand each other’s viewpoints better.

It’s important!

 KoraTorako

But why…now?

 DipTipTyrone

Because you sent that message

And I’m sure Bentley’s feeling vicious about it

 Bentley

No I’m not!

 DipTipTyrone

Yes you are

I can see your aura, and while it’s difficult to read, you’re very dlskajlkwjelkjewnsd;nlab

Aslkdjgwaelkl;kwa;ljk

Dlkjaw-000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

 KoraTorako

What the fuck

 DipTipTyrone

You can’t take my phone away from me!! Ha! I win!

 Bentley

You can’t just half slide through the wall so that I can’t tell you’ve blipped in!

What the hell??

 KoraTorako

Okay okay so youre serious about this

Fine

What do you want us to talk about

 DipTipTyrone

Your feelings, I guess?

Like, Bentley. Tell us how you feel about Torako’s latest message.

 Bentley

You’re not my therapist

 DipTipTyrone

No, but we’re family

Which means communication

So tell us.

 Bentley

Uuuuuggghhh

Fine

Torako, that email proves why it was stupid to just dismiss all the properties as soon as we saw them and I feel vindicated but also tired

 DipTipTyrone

Hey, um, you gotta cut all the negativity against the other person out of your message

Try again!

 Bentley

…

The email proves that it was wrong to dismiss the properties without really thinking further about them. I feel vindicated. I feel tired.

Happy?

 DipTipTyrone

Better!

Torako, your turn!

 KoraTorako

Oh my stars are we really doing this

This is so stupid

 DipTipTyrone

Do it

 Bentley

Yeah tora, do it

If I have to, so do you

 KoraTorako

Fine

I’m just tired, ok?? This has taken so much longer than I thought it would. And I know I’m at fault for some of it!!

But I’m sick of Bentley falling to the pressure of ‘picking’ because it’s what’s expected of us. I don’t want him to feel scared or uncertain or uncomfortable in whatever house we pick, even if we’re only there for a couple years until we can pay off the place.

 DipTipTyrone

Thank you Torako! I don’t see any unnecessarily hostile language in there, so that’s A-OK, you pass. Bentley?

 Bentley

I just feel bad because everybody’s trying so hard

And we’re being so hard on them

And sometimes I just don’t understand why you reject the houses? So what that the security system isn’t perfect. I don’t mind going to the effort of pulling it out and starting it again. Heck, I would pay Dip to do it easy!

 KoraTorako

But that’s not your problem

That’s a me problem

I just…I want it to be good from the beginning. I want it to work from the start so that we don’t have to worry about it.

 Bentley

But that’s not going to happen

Sometimes you have to work to make something work for you

And if we gotta do that

I’m fine with it

 KoraTorako

I…I guess

I’m still not completely comfortable with that

 Bentley

We can work on it together

And hey

If I promise to not say yes to houses that make me uncomfortable will you promise to give things like security systems and house integrity a chance?

Like, not dismiss them immediately?

 KoraTorako

…yeah. I can do that, I think.

 DipTipTyrone

Good!! I’m glad we had this discussion

You know, I’m a pretty great mediator!

 Bentley

Dipper I watched you leaf through those pamphlets during the discussion

But yeah

Thank you, dipper

 KoraTorako

Thank you, dipper <3

 Bentley

He’s blushing!!

Compliment him more

 DipTipTyrone

No!

Stop ganging up on me!

 KoraTorako

You’re so cute, Dips!!

 Bentley

The cutest

Aw, he’s glowing

 DipTipTyrone

I should have let you keep fighting

 -

 August 29th, 3042

Chat with Saint Akuapem

4:12 PM

Torako, how are you?

Hepsa says hello

Are you still looking for houses?

4:15 PM

Yeah, we are

Say hello back for me

I’m ok, but a bit tired.

4:15 PM

Excellent

A parent of one of Hepsa’s students mentioned that their mother passed away recently

And that they were willing to sell the property

It seems the mother was afflicted with a curse that prevented her from using most Magitech

And she didn’t trust extra-dimensional spaces

It was a family home, so there are 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a nice garden.

Would you be interested in looking at it?

4:17 PM

Are you fucking serious.

Yes please, a thousand times yes

When can we look?

4:18 PM

Let me ask Hepsa to ask for me.

4:49 PM

Would you be available tomorrow afternoon?

3:30 PM.

 4:51 PM

Oh gosh oh yes

What’s the address?

4:51 PM

Just meet me at our apartment.

We will walk you over.

4:51 PM

Officer you really are a saint

I could kiss you

4:52 PM

Bring some more of those brownies. It’ll be even then.

 -

 “So? What do you think?”

           Torako trailed her fingers across the mantle for the fireplace. It was a real one; apparently, pure electric fireplaces were hell to install and more hell to maintain. There were no runes carved into the rough brick, no faint thrum of magic that Torako could now pick up if she closed her eyes and concentrated really, really hard.

           The whole house had very little by the way of magic.

           “It’s…” Torako looked down at the fireplace proper. It had been cleaned, recently, shiny in the way that old things gleam when properly taken care of. The house had been loved, she was sure of it. “It’s not bad.”

           A touch to her elbow. She looked over at Bentley, whose eyebrows were quirked. “Torako. Please. Be honest.”

           She hummed, turned to lean against the mantle and look out the big windows that provided a view of the garden space. Unmaintained, a little wild. They could put a vegetable patch there, she thought. Maybe a couple fruit trees.

           “I’m not a fan of the front porch steps,” she said, “or the ramp. It’s a bit rickety.”

           “We can fix it up,” Bentley said. He paused, tilted his head, then gave her a sly little grin. “Or at least, we know somebody who works cheap for that kind of thing.”

           “Hey, you can’t let me hear that,” Dipper said from the other room, where he was laying flat on the ground with his ear to the floorboards. “My prices might go up.”

           “Is it all good over there?” Bentley asked in lieu of answering. Torako looked up at the ceiling, where runes or wards or protective magics would be. Magics that would be hers, so they would hurt less to Bentley’s sensitive eye.

           “No creepy basements filled with cadavers or slaughtered cultmembers, if that’s what you’re asking,” Dipper said. Thankfully, Illya had left them to look over her dead mother’s home one last time, so there were no surprised gasps or queer glances. “Though we may want a couple rugs. I think this floor gets cold in the wintertime.”

           “Windowpanes are a little thin,” she muttered to herself. Her fingers tapped against her leg. “Could stand to be a bit more reinforced—though the French doors are probably okay, they seem sturdy enough—”

           “Torako.”

           Bentley’s warm hand slid over the one on her leg. Torako looked at him again. He peered at her over the rims of his oversized sunglasses, golden eye shimmering just a little. “Is there anything seriously wrong with this place? Anything that can’t be fixed?”

           Torako pressed her lips together. The aching anxiety in her chest pressed against her sternum. She tried to ignore it, and the thoughts of shadowy figures cutting through the glass panes, burning through the front door, squeezing through the cracks in the floorboards to steal Bentley away from—

           “Hey,” Bentley said, soft.

           “Hey,” Dipper said, a little brighter and brasher. He took her hand in his human hand. “We’re here, okay?”

           Torako turned her head to Dipper, brown eyes crinkled at the edges (and when had he put wrinkles on?) and grin still just a little too wide for human mouths to stand. She took a deep breath, and exhaled.

           “No,” she said. Bentley inhaled, sharp. “No, not no no! I just meant, ugh, there’s nothing I don’t like about this house that can’t be fixed. That no. Not the ‘let’s not do this’ no.”

           Both of her boys relaxed on either side of her. “Yeah,” Bentley said. “Yeah, I thought this was a good one, too.”

           She twisted her hand in theirs so that she could hold them.

           “Plus, it’s like, dirt cheap,” Dipper said. “Who knew that buying a house without a Realtor handling fee would result in such a bargain?”

           “Okay,” Torako said, a grin starting to pull at the corners of her mouth. The sunlight from the window was warm against her feet, reaching up to soothe the phantom pains in her shins from all those months ago. “Let’s tell Ilya.”

           It would be a good home.

 -

To: olpink@homestar.com

From: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

SUBJECT: FWD: Thank you for your help

RECEIVED: August 31st, 3042

I don’t know whether to be furious or relieved. Mostly I’m just tired.

You up for dinner tonight?

Qilar

 >>To: hello@qilarlind.org

>>From: tora@lam.com

>>Attached: NewHouse+US.png

>>SUBJECT: Thank you for your help

>>RECEIVED: August 31st, 3042

>> 

>>Dear Mr. Lindquist,

           >> I email you to thank you so much for all your assistance. I don’t think we would have gotten as far as we did without you. Due to this journey, my partners and I realized some very important things.

           >>As you might have realized based on the name of the attachment, my partners and I have found a house through one of our acquaintances! It was lovely and off-market, and I probably wouldn’t have said no if it weren’t for our experiences with everybody at Lindquist Realtors and HomeStar Realtors. Thank you so much for your time and effort and energy, and I hope that you have a chance to relax now that we’re out of your hair.

>> 

>>Thank you again,

>>Torako Lam

>>Private Investigator

 -

 From: olpink@homestar.com

To: qilarlindquist@lindquistrealtors.com

 Qilar,

           What the fuck, even. Truly. What the fuck.

           I’ll bring the sparkling apple cider.

Olive

[rather-impertinent]

Pls write a fic about the beach pics pls thx much appreciated by the entire universe

A/N: this turned into a bit of a fam fic I hope that’s okay! Also for any French readers pls don’t kill me I don’t speak French so if it’s wrong u can blame DeepL translator 😌 enjoy the fluff! xo

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Cornish waves rolled in gently in the distance, as though savouring the sight of the warm summer sun peaking out from behind the clouds.

“Caroline, come join in on the fun!” Dwight enticed breathlessly, beckoning her to join the group in the game of tag there were all playing.

Caroline laughed and shot Dwight a look that questioned if he knew her at all. She remained firmly on her blanket. “I’m having quite enough fun from here, thank you, Dr Enys. Besides, I have been charged with the care of the sandwiches and Clowance’s doll and so I must play saviour.”

“If you’re certain, my love.”

“When am I ever not certain of my own mind?” Caroline asked her husband with a smirk.

Dwight barked a laugh. “How very true!”

“Tig, uncle Dwight!” Jeremy shouted, slapping the doctor on the back before sprinting away on his ever-growing, adolescent legs.

Dwight started and glanced behind him. “You little-” he began, chasing his unofficial nephew across Hendrawna beach.

Caroline chuckled at Dwight’s determination and wondered who was the bigger child of the two.

Before too long, Dwight had caught Clowance, who was shrieking with laughter as he swung her around from her underarms.

Once released, Clowance immediately went for her father, as always. “You’re it, Papa!” she declared as she tapped him.

Ross accepted his role and quickly caught his wife, Demelza, before she could run away. He held her tightly. “Tig, my love.”

Demelza laughed and tried to wriggle free. “Tig,” Ross said again, placing a kiss on her cheek. “Tig.” He pecked her lips. “Tig.” And again.

“Bleurgh, Papa!” Jeremy protested with a disgusted expression. “You’re spoiling the game!”

Ross laughed and freed Demelza, who wasted no time in tagging her husband again before sprinting away. Ross groaned as he watched her flaming red curls blow in the breeze as she ran towards the others, who all stood at anticipated attention.

Ross searched the group for his victim and decided perhaps the only person who could not outrun his forty-year-old self was Ned Despard. He charged towards his former superior and slapped him unceremoniously on the shoulder. “You’re turn, Colonel.”

Ned glanced to his right and eyed his wife distractedly admiring the sea. He took several paces towards her and fondly tapped her waist. “Tig, my dear.”

Kitty smiled a little nervously. “So, what is it I do now?” she asked Ned quietly, having never played the game before.

“You just catch another person, tap them and run away,” explained Ned, his eyes crinkling as he smiled softly at her innocence.

Catherine nodded at the information. “Right,” she said with determination, scanning the group. She set her eyes on the quiet young man she had met only this morning; he had a very natural calm energy about him which she liked very much.

Sam did not see her coming, he was smiling at his brother and his sister-in-law, who were pulling faces at one another. He started when Kitty tagged him and scampered away. With a grin, Sam then charged straight for Drake, knocking him to the ground as only a brother would. They rolled around in the sand laughing before Sam escaped his clutches, leaving Drake in charge of who to pick next.

As ever, Drake had only one person in mind. He jogged towards Morwenna and extended his arm to touch her, before pausing. He stared into her eyes as though asking her permission.

Morwenna smiled softly at Drake’s attentiveness and nodded her head. He took her hand and squeezed it. “Tig.”

A warm smile spread across Morwenna’s face before she went in search of one of the Poldark children, whose favour she wanted to gain now that she was part of the family, and the surest way to gain a child’s favour was to play with them. Mrs Carne was a lot faster at running than one might expect and she chased and caught Jeremy Poldark with ease.

Jeremy beamed at being in charge of the game once again and began relentlessly chasing his father. Ross managed to outrun him for about 30 seconds, before Jeremy finally jumped on his back. “You’re it!”

As Ross watched his only son laugh and boisterously run away, he put his hands on his knees. “I am too old for this,” Captain Poldark wheezed with a self-deprecating chuckle, his old ankle injury starting to flare up after all the sprinting he’d just done. “I forfeit.” The children - and Drake and Demelza - whined at Ross’ game-ending announcement. “You all must return to Nampara and dine with us this evening in return for my ruining of the game.”

Drake and Demelza immediately perked up at Ross’ suggestion. Demelza loved nothing more than her home filled with the people she loved most; perhaps they could even have some music and play cards. She began planning the evening in detail as she and the group walked back towards the large display of overlapping blankets.

Caroline had slightly detached her blanket from the groups’ in order to get a better view of a random couple who had walked along the sand dunes earlier; she did not immediately recognise them and was put out by this, but then she realised it was merely neighbours of the Poldarks, whose names escaped her, but she had been too lazy to move back.

Drake took two apples from a basket and excused himself and his wife as they made for the cave of Saint Sawle for old times’ sake.

As the others began to fight over sandwiches, Caroline Enys was comfortably admiring the sight of two little birds hopping along the golden sand when a heavy drop next to her made her jump. To her right, Caroline saw her husband’s form sprawled across her large, striped blanket.

“When did I get so old?” Dwight wondered, panting on the sand next to his wife. Caroline laughed at him as he caught his breath. “Have we anything to drink?”

“Yes, one moment,” Caroline said, twisting her torso to open the picnic basket behind her. She pulled out a bottle of wine and handed it to Dwight to hold for a moment while she dug through the straw box in search of a cup.

Dr Enys accepted the pro-offered bottle but did not wait for his wife to fetch a goblet and instead popped the cork off and drank greedily from the bottle.

“Six years of marriage and still I have failed to mould you into the perfect gentleman,” Caroline teased, half-amused and half-appalled.

Dwight grinned at her comment and took another swig from the bottle. “Ah, but if the perfect gentleman is truly what you desire then you would not have married me in the first place,” he pointed out with a victorious smirk.

“I regret the decision daily.”

“I, too,” Dwight mocked, taking another sip of wine; it was very good.

Caroline watched him closely, a taunting smile tugging on the corner of her unpainted lips. “I never pegged you for a drunkard, Dr Enys.”

Dwight laughed heartily. “If I may be so bold as to remind you, Mrs Enys, it was not I who overindulged in port last week and tripped over thin air!” He laughed again as Caroline swatted his arm.

“I was trying to get your attention,” she claimed. “You ignored me for most of the night in favour of our new friends.”

It was meant as a jest but her words rang true and Dwight felt a twinge of guilt. He looked up at his wife from where he lay and carefully intertwined their fingers. “That may be true. I’m sorry.” Caroline smiled softly at him. “Oh, I meant to thank you, my love.”

Caroline’s brows creased in confusion. “For what?”

“For coming to hear my speech.”

Caroline scoffed somewhat shyly. “How did you know I was there?” she demanded to know. She had snuck in fashionably late and had hidden at the very back of the room behind the tallest man she could find, so as not to distract her husband with her presence.

Dwight absently played with her fingers. “Because you are the most noticeable person in any room,” he answered honestly.

His compliment sent a quiet thrill through her body. “Good Heavens, Dr Enys, you are quite lyrical today,” she mocked, though with a pretty girlish blush on her cheeks, which she would later claim was simply the result of too much warmth from the sun. “You spoke well at the college,” said Caroline, gazing into his eyes, made bluer by the bright summer sun. “I was most impressed.”

“Did you understand any of it?” Dr Enys taunted with a cheeky grin.

Caroline tipped her head sideways at him. “Je suis plus intelligent que vous ne le pensez,” Caroline told him in perfectly accented French. She was smarter than he thought.

“Je sais, je sais,” Dwight replied smoothly. He knew she was.

Mrs Enys’ mouth fell open slightly. “Since when do you speak French, Dr Enys?” Was there anything he could not do?

“Well, I did live there for about a year!” Dwight reminded her with a breathy laugh. Live was a bit of an overstatement; survive would perhaps have been more fitting.

“Ah yes, when you were hiding from me,” Caroline teased lightly, her eyes soft. Such a terrible time for them both. “Do you ever dream of going back - to escape my acquaintance? It’s just across the channel.” She vaguely motioned to the calm sea behind them. “I could order you a ship by tomorrow!” As if she would ever allow him so far out of her sight again.

Dwight smiled at her and re-interlocked their fingers. “I am fine where I am,” he assured her in a murmur. “Although,” he began, glancing over his shoulder, “perhaps we ought to join the others now.” The rest of the party appeared to be deeply engaged in their own conversations but Dwight could not help but feel like they were being a little rude by sitting a bit out of the way on their own.

“Five more minutes,” Caroline murmured, placing her hand on top of their joined ones. “It is nice talking like this - just we two.” She felt they had barely seen each other for the past two months and was reluctant to spoil their moment.

Dwight shuffled himself on the blanket and moved to rest his head on his wife’s lap, not letting go of her hand. Caroline reflexively ran her fingers through Dwight’s hair. He looked up at her and smiled brightly; she looked beautiful in her new navy gown and the latest fashionable hairstyle was very becoming on her. Dwight closed his eyes in utter contentment at the feel of the warm sun on his face and his wife’s fingers gently combing through his hair. “Five more minutes, then.”

[alyghea]

Germany!!!!

So I’m a little late posting this since I’ve been trying to catch up on everything that I missed from getting stuck in Germany earlier this week. Anyways! To start off, I had to grab a bus to Dublin at 0300 and then take another connecting bus to get to the airport for my 0805 plane to Frankfurt. While waiting to take the bus (which picks up right outside of Stables), I actually met a few girls that were going to Frankfurt as well! It was weirdly coincidental, and, one of the girls happens to be in one of my modules (LIO, the volunteer class) so I found that really funny and cool. The same girl is also the roommate for one of the girls I came from point with which just made it much more fun to talk to her and the other 2 on the 2.5 hour bus ride to the airport. When I finally got to the airport, I had about 2 hours to kill before we were going to board the plane. Got onto the plane and arrived in Frankfurt without any issues whatsoever. We deplaned on the tarmac and were shuttled over to the airport where customs took less than a minute to get through. I was planning on going to the zoo, but didn’t want to walk the 6+km to the zoo, so I ended up grabbing an Uber, which was cheaper than the bus or taxi getting there. I went to the zoo, which had a Komodo Dragon, and then I walked over to the Iron Bridge and Roemerberg. I walked about 3km to the train station where I met up with my friend, Harry, who I was going to stay with for the weekend. We had a bit of time to kill, so we went to a bar and got a beer (Franziskaner Weissbier). While waiting for the train, I got a notification from the app saying that it changed platforms last minute to the other side of the station. We ran, but didn’t make it. Harry went over to one of the train officers and asked what to do and basically said I’m American and stupid and don’t know what I’m doing so the officer told us to just grab the train on another platform that was going to Marburg and if tickets were checked, to just explain the situation and that there shouldn’t be any problems. Thankfully, no tickets were checked. Once we got to Marburg, we headed to the shoppe to get some food and alcohol for the weekend. After taking the ridiculously steep trek up what seemed like a mountain to his dorm, we chilled out a little before heading out and trekking up even further to this little place where he would do a fire with his friends and just hang and drink alcohol. His friends didn’t join us, but it was great nonetheless. We had a good fire going and started drinking a bit and once we were out of the wood we collected, we hiked back down to his dorm where we sat and talked and drank some more before throwing a movie on and going to sleep for the night. When we woke up on Saturday (at the butt crack of noon) we got ready and headed out. We first stopped at this hole-in-the-wall Turkish dining place and I tried a dümur, which wasn’t half bad. Afterwards we hiked up to the Oberstadt which had a lot of these cute little shopping centres and just walked around. I ended up grabbing some chocolate and we continued onwards to Café Vetter and got dessert. I ordered a pot of tea and a Heerbeeren Vannila Sahne Torte (Raspberry-Vanilla Creame Torte) while Harry got a hot chocolate type drink which was the best thing I have ever had. It was amazingly good. On top of that, he also got a chocolate mousse cake. We ended up sharing and combining our dessert and taking drinks of each others beverages so we could both enjoy all the café had to offer. After Café Vetter, we walked to the Landgrafen Palace (Marburg Castle) and got some of the most beautiful views of the city. The journey up to the castle was long and was quite hard on my shitty lungs, but it was so worth it. We went up just as the sun was setting, so it was just a picturesque scene. Heading back down, I saw Cinderella’s Shoe and at the bottom of this ridiculous hill, I found a puppy. I squatted down to pet said puppy (it’s a normal thing to do throughout Europe) and ripped my jeans. All the walking from the past few weeks and the friction from my big thighs caused them to thin and rip. Lucky me. Thankfully, it wasn’t super obvious and nothing that my extra sweatshirt couldn’t cover up for the time being. After the puppy and jeans incident, we stopped at Hinkelstein (a bar) and sat down for a few beers and some card games. When we walked back, I sewed my jeans up and they were functional enough for the rest of the trip. I came to find out that one of the Grimm Brothers used to live (briefly) at this house in the Oberstadt and another building on our way back to the dorm that Saturday night had the 7 flies on the wall. I thought it was pretty neat. Anyways. We went back to the room and had some more drinks and basically just had fun trying different concoctions of mixed drinks while listening to music and watching movies throughout the night. On Sunday, Harry got up and made brunch for him and I and invited on of his friends to join as well, which was pretty nice. After brunch, we cleaned up and sat around watching movies all day since we were both tired from the past few days and because I was originally planned to take the late night train back to Frankfurt, but Storm Ciara had different plans. The winds in Germany got so bad that entire trees went down on the tracks and therefore prevented me from being able to leave Marburg. Harry was super chill about it and I eventually just changed my plane ticket to Tuesday morning instead and we just spent Monday sleeping and watching movies until the late night train Monday night when I was finally able to get a train back to Frankfurt. I got to Frankfurt without any issues and waited about an hour before my next train was to arrive to go to the airport. That train got delayed by over an hour because some wild animals decided to take a freaking stroll on the tracks causing a huge delay. Eventually I got on and got to the airport without issues and went straight through security to get onto my flight home. I found out later on Monday that the plane I was supposed to be on actually made an emergency landing in London due to the winds being too dangerous to try and make it all the way to Dublin, so I’m kind of happy I got stuck. The Tuesday flight went well until we tried landing in Dublin and then there was a lot of turbulence and we almost couldn’t land because every time the plane nose dipped down to lower our altitude, it got kicked up from the wind and caused people to start freaking out a little. We were able to land in Dublin eventually, only about a half hour later than expected. When I got off, I rushed to customs to get through and to get to my bus in time so that I would be back in Limerick in time for my 1400 Cognitive Psychology class (my favourite class thus far). Thankfully, customs took a whole 30 seconds and I made it to my bus on time and back to school on time. This was such an exciting, and though slightly stressful and anxiety ridden weekend, was so worth being able to go to a different country and I was very happy to be able to meet up with one of my best friends (who let me crash with him for free!). I can’t wait to go back to visit my other friend (in Heidelberg) sometime in May. I’m super excited. Pics to follow!

[roswellroamer]

Sedia Riverside Hotel to Dqae Qare San. Ghanzi, Botswana. 276km. 5/4/19

We woke up before 7 to catch our arranged taxi to the Maun international airport. Baz had set up a 45' flight with Mack Air to view the vast and wildlife filled Okavango delta. A passport glitch delayed our departure until after 9 but the whole group cleared security and were driven out on the tarmac where this airline has 17 planes. Taking tourists by air to see one of the last vast wildlife habitats is big business. We all got window seats and up we flew. We saw loads of animals. Elephants by the dozens, massive herds of buffalo and buck, hippos that appeared huge, even from 160m in the air. We also saw plentiful zebras and giraffes and I spied one big croc. We saw burned out areas. Fires going in some areas. Generally seemed a bit dry though plenty of what we saw was marsh, river, lagoon or drying mud. They got about half the usual rain recently so that explains a bit. Also the Cuito and the Okavango and other water sources from Angola take months to deliver their wet season payloads to the delta and that is on the way. The Nat Geo documentary I think I mentioned and pasted a link earlier in this blog "Into the Okavango" really helped me to appreciate the special nature of this resource and what a treat is was to fly over some of it. The flight and weather were perfect. Another day in the low 90's and cloudless. Yet to see rain since the day we left. 🤞 However the plane flies so fast it is sometimes a challenge to spot the animals and then try to get them in the frame so they don't look like small specks when snapping a pic. I took a lot and a few of them have clear images. We thanked our pilot and also Barry for organizing this excursion. We climbed back into the Mack Air van and reveled a bit. But the pics may be underwhelming despite our eyes being able to see all the wildlife the images don't do it justice. We then packed up after recharging with some cokes by the pool and headed south and west down the A3 towards Ghanzi. A couple of close calls as we lane filtered in town amidst hectic traffic and one stop at the convenience store then we were able to resume speed as we left the chaos of Maun in our rear view. We made a couple stops along the way to grab a caffeine boost and also I stopped to get a pretty good shot of a large ostrich eyeing us from the side of the road. At one point Jim turned around and a few guys followed thinking he may have dropped something. But he had spotted for the second time, a dung beetle rolling his treasured, rounded ball of dung across the street. I went back and dismounted when I saw what he was doing. We both got excellent pics and vid of this amazing display of skill and strength. They use the sun or the moon to navigate, pushing the ball of dung with their back legs and every once in a while climbing on top to get their bearings and then climbing down to resume their task. Once across the road and some distance away, they set about building a hole which we also found another dung beetle undertaking in the same area. Then the dung is deposited in the hole and its eggs are laid in it and that is all she wrote for the dung beetle. That was Merlin Olson stuff! (Or Attenborough for this gen)

We then came upon the sign for our lodge. It is either run by or associated with the Naro San people. The challenge was the 7km sand road back to the lodge. The roads had stretches of moderate sand and was also punctuated with series of dips that added to the challenge for me. But we all made it back to the lodge without a drop and were welcomed by a group of San who gave us a uvulated cheer upon arrival. They did have a pool and soon all of us were free of our sweaty kits and enjoying the bird sounds in or around the pool. Our support team had found a nice meat shop in Maun and bought a couple large slabs of biltong. It was sliced thin with a knife and we started to make our way through it. We sat around in the lounge/dining room area. All open air in the middle of the lawn area by the lodge. There was a watering hole set up here and soon a family of kudu with the buck sporting impressive horny spirals came and though giving us glances, stayed for a while to quench their thirst. Not 15 minutes after they left s larger herd of impala came by to do the same! My phone was charging but hopefully I will get some of these shots from someone to share. Dinner announced and we all took our seats. Hard boiled eggs that were sliced and presented along with sliced tomatoes and a sweet chili sauce was the appetizer. Then the team of San people who had prepared the meal came out and explained first in their language, then translated by one into English, what each dish was. It was an Eland goulash, rice, carrots, cauliflower, and a delicious beetroot salad. Great experience and I think we were all asleep by 9:30 after some nice after dinner discussion. The stars were and have been astounding. Tomorrow we cross back into Nam. 😴

Mukuro is a dugout canoe. We saw two of them peddling through a section of the Okavango delta. Baz' word of the day is pram fynkie which is a (double) brandy and coke. 🥃

[exxar1]

Episode 2: The Unexamined Life (or Everything’s Fine Until It Isn’t) Part 1

10/11/2020

The last couple weeks since my first entry in this journey log have been fairly quiet for me. There’s all the usual shit going on in the outside world, and we’re now 23 days to the national election. But I’m not here to talk about that. This blog is about me and my journey, and this past week has contained a lot more self-reflection and ruminating. And since this is an election year, I decided to stage this log entry as a debate between me and myself and moderated by I. The main reason for that is because this is exactly what I’ve been doing for the past week, and I’ve come to realize two things:

1.     Spending too much time alone with one’s thoughts can lead to a LOT of self-psychoanalysis.

2.    That’s not necessarily a good thing.

Wednesday of this past week was particularly bad for me. I hadn’t had much sleep the night before (I usually average about 4 ½ hours per night, thanks to the two full time jobs), and I was feeling rather grouchy and annoyed as well as exhausted when I showed up for work at Walmart that morning. As I took up my usual post at the main entrance, steeling myself for another long, boring day of talking to myself, I started thinking about this blog and what my next entry would be. But then I also started asking myself why I was feeling so annoyed and grumpy. Here’s how the conversation went:

Picture this: a small, cozy study somewhere with lots of bookshelves filled with all kinds of paperbacks and tomes. A large picture window allows the afternoon sun to shine in and gives us a view of a downtown office park in Anywhere, USA. There’s a desk in one corner, near the window, and, in the middle of the room, is a large, high-backed armchair opposite a long, comfy sofa. I’m at one end of the sofa, and seated at the other end is also me. And I’m also seated in the armchair, pen in one hand, notepad in the other. Now, for the sake of visual and organizational clarity, let’s imagine that the “me” seated in the armchair is Patrick Stewart. (I’ve always admired Captain Picard from “Star Trek: The Next Generation. And yes, Patrick is in his Starfleet uniform from the “TNG” era.)

Seated at the far end of the sofa, opposite me, is Chris Evans. (Because, why not? And no, he’s not in his Captain America uniform. I’m picturing jeans and a plain t-shirt. He’s also a little scruffy since he hasn’t shaved in a couple days.)

And me, I’m in my Walmart shirt and jeans, feeling a little miffed and uncomfortable.

          PATRICK: Good morning, everyone. Neal, Chris started this meeting by asking you why you’re feeling so grumpy. Let’s start with that.

          ME: Well, for starters, I didn’t sleep very well last night, and I really don’t want to be at work.

          PATRICK: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Well, of course, I can understand that. But we all know there’s more going on with you lately than just that. What else is causing your mood today?

I glance at Chris. He just gives me a look that says, This is your session, dude. I’m just along for the ride.

           ME: Well, Patrick, yes I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. (Slight pause.) I just realized it’s been two weeks since I texted with Alfred.

“Alfred” is the name of a guy I met on Tinder back in early June, two days after my birthday, in fact. That’s not his real name, of course, but I’m a fan of Batman, and Alfred seems like a good pseudonym for this guy.

           PATRICK: Ah, yes! You’re right, it has been awhile. Hasn’t he been back from his Florida trip for about ten days now?

           ME: Yeah. At least, I’m pretty sure. He said it was only for that weekend. I kinda wanted to wait this time and see if he would be the one to text me first.

           CHRIS: Dude, face facts. He’s just not that into you. You know it, you just don’t want to admit it.

I shoot him a scathing look, and he just shrugs.

           PATRICK: Now, Chris, let’s not try to be so blunt, shall we? We need to be considerate of everyone’s feelings here. Neal, do you think that this is true? You told Alfred a couple months ago that you were really into him and that you wanted to go on a second date.

           ME: Yeah, I did. And he said he wanted to do on one too. But he also said – in not so many direct words, of course – that he was just too busy with work right now. He literally works seven days a week. Said he’s trying to catch up on his finances from the economic shutdown earlier this year. I suggested we go get a late lunch or early dinner after he’s off one of his early morning shifts. He said he doesn’t like to go out after work. Once he’s home, he’s too tired to do anything else.

           CHRIS: And all you’ve done ever since is just text “Good morning, how’s your day, and goodnight.” You haven’t had a real conversation about anything since that one two months ago.

           ME: Yeah, pretty much.

           CHRIS: And now it’s been two weeks since you heard from him at all.

           ME: (looking out the window, scowling) Yeah.

           CHRIS: He’s not that into you.

I continue looking out the window. He’s right, dammit. This makes me even more grouchy and irritated. I can feel the other two waiting patiently as I stew in silence. In the outside world, I greet a few more customers as they walk in the door.

           ME: (giving a resigned sigh) It’s probably just as well. I doubt he and I had that much in common to begin with. And there’s been so much that’s happened with me in these last 3 months that he probably wouldn’t understand.

           CHRIS: So why does that bother you so much? You’ve never cared about having a boyfriend or being in a long term relationship. You’ve always been perfectly happy on your own.

I have no answer. He’s right again, dammit! Patrick just looks at me, his expression calm and patient, and I look out the window again. Why does this bother me so much now? I couldn’t even tell you why I created that stupid account on Tinder in the first place. I suppose I was bored, as I had a lot of time on my hands with not much to do. And everyone keeps talking about that app, how it’s great for hookups and general dating. And, at first, I didn’t make any connections with guys that appeared to be worth talking to. All of them were either in a relationship and looking for a threesome, or they just wanted to hook up, or they didn’t have any hobbies or interests that were even remotely similar to mine, or they weren’t even in my geographical area. (I could never figure out why Tinder kept showing me guys from Spain or Europe or Mexico when I had specifically adjusted my location settings in my profile to show me only guys from a 20 mile radius around my zip code.)

But then, a mere two days after creating that profile, Alfred matched with me. He swiped right on my profile first. (He made the first move, in other words.) Once Tinder notified me I checked out his profile. Age: 49. His pics and his description of likes and interests seemed pretty decent, so I swiped right as well. After we matched, I sent him a greeting, and – unlike ALL the other guys with whom I had matched in those two days (which wasn’t many) – Alfred actually responded to my message. We hit it off right away. We spent an hour chatting. We exchanged phone numbers and began texting regularly the very next morning.

We met for a first date a couple weeks later. I was super nervous, and, because there were only a few restaurants back in early June that had just reopened their dining rooms, we chose Farmer Boys for brunch at ten. I, of course, arrived about fifteen minutes early (that type ‘A’ personality trait, remember?), and Alfred arrived on time. There was the usual initial awkwardness and stilted small talk. But after we ordered, and after we both overcame our nervousness, we hit it off pretty well. There was no awkward lags or uncomfortable silences. He seemed really nice and outgoing, and neither of us hogged the whole conversation. We filled each other in on our respective bios, he told me about his job and I told him all about mine. We talked about Black Lives Matter and some of the other political stuff going on in the news at the time. I was still a democrat at that time, so we both seemed to have similar political views. Alfred hated Trump – and still does, as far as I know – and I told him that I didn’t really follow politics. I wasn’t even planning to vote. (You all know, of course, how radically that all has changed for me since then.)

Put simply, that first date went super well! It lasted almost two and a half hours, and we both agreed to continue texting and that we should do a second date soon. I left the restaurant feeling damn near giddy. Maybe 2020 wasn’t going to be such a shit year after all.

And we did continue texting. We had some really good conversations in the ensuing weeks. One of them was a rather heated debate about Black Lives Matter and the call for de-funding the police. Alfred was all for it, and I tried to convince him of the error of his views. We stayed civil with one another, and the fact that we could agree to disagree and move on was another encouraging sign. We greeted each other via text every morning, and signed off the same way every night. Throughout the day we would chat here and there, mostly during our respective break times at work, and the more I chatted with him, the more I started to fall in love.

But, as this was my first attempt at actual dating, I couldn’t be sure if he felt the same way about me. He seemed genuinely interested, but we had never had a face to face conversation since our first date. And since Alfred preferred texting to actual phone calls – which I was also fine with – I couldn’t get a very good read on him. Just the fact that he was always responding to my texts was a good sign, but our conversations were getting shorter and shorter. By mid-August we were reduced to – as Chris just now so eloquently put it – saying little more to each other than “Good morning, how’s your day, goodnight.”

So I decided to just go for it and put myself out there. I texted Alfred one afternoon as he was leaving work. I told him that I was really into him, that I had been thoroughly enjoying our conversations, and that the more we talked, the more I was falling for him. I waited anxiously after sending the text, one finger tapping nervously on the side of my phone. The symbol with the three dots in a shaded oval appeared on my screen and seemed to stay there for an eternity. When his response finally came through, I grinned with immense relief. He felt the same way! We chatted for a bit longer, and then I had to go to work.

But the end of August arrived with still no ETA on a second date. Alfred and I continued texting, but, once again, neither of us said much more than “Good morning, how’s your day, goodnight.” We were both working super long hours. I had been with Walmart for almost 2 months by now and had barely enough time between jobs to eat and sleep. But, even with my crazy hectic schedule, I still had an occasional evening during the week free. I brought up the subject of a second date a couple times with Alfred, but his responses were vague and non-committal. I even asked him once point blank if he still wanted to get together sometime, and he assured me he did. His work schedule was just super hectic at the time. I backed off, not wanting to create a fight, but my frustration rose another notch. I decided to give him until the end of September. If he couldn’t commit to a second date by then, we would need to have a heart to heart.

Then, in the third week of September, Alfred informed me he was going to Florida for a few days to help an old friend after her surgery. He was leaving Wednesday the 23rd and he would be back either Saturday or Sunday. I wished him safe travels and told him to get some rest since he’d been working like crazy for the last couple months. He thanked me and then we said our usual goodnights.

That was 2 ½ weeks ago, and I haven’t heard from him since.

           CHRIS: Just text him.

           ME: I don’t want to. I want to see if he’s still interested. I want him to be the first to text this time.

           CHRIS: Ok fine.

All three of us sit in silence. I purposely avoid their gazes.

           ME: Ok fine, I’ll text him.

Out in the real world I pull my phone from my front pocket and shoot off a quick greeting to Alfred: a simple “Good morning. (Smiley face emoji) How’s it going?”

           ME: There. Now we wait.

           CHRIS: What are you going to do if he doesn’t respond?

           ME: (exasperated sigh) I don’t know! I guess you’re right. He’s just not that into me.

           PATRICK: And that understandably upsets you.

           ME: Yes, it does. And Chris is right. I don’t know why this bothers me so much now.

           CHRIS: I know why.

           ME: Of course you do.

           CHRIS: It’s simple. You’re lonely. And not just regular lonely. You’re tragically, desperately, sadly lonely. You have been for years. That’s why you finally created the Tinder profile, that’s why you fell so hard when you met Alfred, and that’s why you’re so upset and grouchy today. You’re lonely, and it hurts.

I glare at him, furious. But then I have to look away because, suddenly, I feel like crying. And, out in the real world, I have to blink a lot to force back the tears. I smile and greet some more customers.

           CHRIS: Sorry to be so blunt, but it’s obvious.

           ME: All right, fine. So I’m lonely. Since you have all the answers, tell me why that bothers me so much just now. It’s never been an issue before. So what’s changed? Why now?

           CHRIS: (shrugs) Actually, I don’t know. That’s a good question.

We both look at Patrick. He glances at each of us in turn, also puzzled.

           PATRICK: That is a good question. Maybe we should explore why you chose a long time ago to not be interested in romantic relationships.

           ME: (shrugs) I don’t know. I just…. I was never interested in having one. I was perfectly happy on my own, and I never saw the point of having a boyfriend. I was happier with the occasional hookup or the friends with benefits I had in college.

           PATRICK: Mm-hmmm. You made a conscious choice when you were young to be alone, but now, at 42, you’re having a hard time living with that choice.

           ME: (frowning) Well, yes, I suppose that’s one way of putting it.

           CHRIS: I think I know why you made that choice.

           ME: (rolling my eyes) Oh really? You just said a second ago you didn’t know.

           CHRIS: I had to think about it for a minute. You were bullied and picked on when you were a kid. You never really fit in with the other boys. You were always happier playing dress up with the girls, or sitting under a tree at recess reading a book. We’ve talked about this before, remember?

I do remember. And, as usual, he brings up a valid point. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about those years in elementary school. I wasn’t a normal boy. I had no interest in sports. I did enjoy the occasional game of cops and robbers or tag, but most of the time I could be found under a tree with a book in hand or playing dolls with the girls in one corner of the playground. There was a few times when I would go to another girl’s house for a play date and I loved putting on dresses and jewelry and pretending to be the wife. This, of course, drew lots of ridicule and shaming from my male classmates at recess. I didn’t care, though – or, at least, I pretended not to.

However, in retrospect, I’m starting to see how that ridicule and being made fun of has affected me in different ways over the course of my life. In elementary school, I wasn’t a model student. I would act out in class and get sent to the principal’s office quite a lot. I had to repeat the first grade because I didn’t do so hot the first time around. (My parents attributed this to starting kindergarten too early.) It also didn’t help that I was smarter than most of my classmates. I’m not saying that to brag. It’s a simple fact. I caught on to general concepts and lessons a bit quicker than everyone else, and I was also an excellent reader. The school library was my second home, and I was always complaining to my teachers and parents that I could check out only two books at a time. By the time I was in 3rd grade I was joining the 4th grade class a couple times a week for math or reading lessons. And it was also about this time that I started expressing more interest in the girly things like dress-up and playing with My Little Pony horses. I even had a pony of my own – white body with a glittery, purple mane. It came with a pink brush and a barrette. (Damn, I miss those wonderful toys of the 80s!)

In later years, I’ve come to realize that all the bullying and ridicule in elementary school caused me to lash out in other ways – usually in class, but mostly at home. I was always fighting with my three brothers and my parents, and this got worse as I got older. By the time puberty hit – which, of course, was about a year earlier than my male classmates – I was used to being made fun of by the other kids at my school. I was also used to coping with this by retreating to my room at home after school to read or play with my “Star Trek” toys. Or I would pick a fight with my brothers who also loved to tease and make fun of me.

And then, as I entered junior high, I started to realize that there was something fundamentally different about me. All my classmates had begun expressing interest in the opposite sex, but I felt nothing when I was around the girls. (By this point, obviously, I was no longer playing dress-up with my female friends or going to their houses for play dates. My parents and I had agreed this was not a good idea, though I wasn’t entirely sure why at the time.) Around my male classmates, however, I was feeling something different. A couple of them I found attractive, in fact, but instinct told me I should never say that aloud or even outwardly hint at that attraction in any way.

I was also socially awkward in the worst possible way. It was probably because of all the torment in elementary school, but I had also always been a natural introvert. I was never the life of the party. And, because I was attending a private school, the same classmates who had made fun of me in 3rd grade for playing with dolls with the girls at recess instead of soccer with the boys were now my friends in 7th grade who were starting to pass notes to one another during class. I’m sure there was one or two girls that I exchanged notes with at some point, but I only did it to fit in with the boys. I had no interest whatsoever in whether or not the girls actually responded.

And, as if the first glimmer of homosexuality combined with super awkward, underdeveloped social skills wasn’t enough, I was also turning into a bone fide nerd in 7th and 8th grades. I was 9 years old when “Star Trek: The Next Generation” premiered in 1987, and I would watch it with my mom every week. I fell in love with that show from the start, and I was a geek long before it was cool. Nowadays, everyone is proud to be a sci-fi nerd, as the box office success of the Marvel Cinematic Universe can readily prove. But back in the early 90s, as I suffered through junior high, being a “Star Trek” fan was just one more thing to be made fun of by my classmates.

So, as a result of all of this, I started to create a mask for myself. I would put on a good face every morning, go to school and pretend everything was fine while enduring constant teasing and “good natured” ribbing from my classmates about all sorts of things, and then go home at night and fight with my brothers or parents about any number of things. (My brothers loved to make fun of my nerdiness as well.) Sometimes I would wear the mask at home and pretend everything was fine with my family, but in the solitude of my room, with the door closed, I would take it off and pretend that I was a Starfleet officer on the bridge of the starship “Enterprise”. No one on that crew made of one another. Everyone worked together in harmony, and they all celebrated their differences. In fact, being different was a strength, not a weakness. I so desperately wanted to live in that world that that TV show became an almost unhealthy obsession throughout the rest of my teen years.

In 9th grade I finally realized what was fundamentally different with me. I was gay. It was now the early 90s, and we had cable TV in our house. My brothers and I would sneak behind our parents’ backs to watch some of the prime time comedies that we’d been told we weren’t supposed to watch. The gay social movement exploded in mainstream America in the 90s, though it had been building momentum for quite some time before then. As with all things relating to nerds or geeks, it was not cool to be gay in the early 90s, especially if you were a teenager. Adults who dared to be out and proud faced discrimination at work and alienation from family and friends. Soldiers and officers in the American military were courts-martialed and stripped of rank for coming out of the closet. The surest way to end the career of any Hollywood celebrity was to accuse them in the tabloids of being gay.

In today’s public schools, it’s considered weird or strange if you’re NOT gay, or at least bi. Back then, I longed for someone I could talk to about this, but because I was attending a private school run by a Baptist church in a red state in a town with a population of less than 40,000, I had no support group whatsoever. There was no school counselor with a pamphlet on the local PFLAG group. There was no student club with other gay students that I could hang out with after school. There was no internet chat room where I could talk to an understanding stranger about my feelings and struggles. Fuck, there wasn’t even the internet back then. My only resource for exploring my sexuality was the public library across town, but back then there was precious little literature on the subject of being gay. And, even if by some miracle I was able to find such a book, I would have to sneak it home and hide it from my parents.

All I knew about homosexuality was preached at me from the pulpit at church on Sundays and Wednesday night youth group meetings. Not that the subject came up that often, and when it did, it was always in the context of Sodom and Gomorrah. For example, “Look at what God did to the Sodomites who were practicing idol worship and homosexuality.” Or, “It’s unnatural for two people of the same sex to be together. God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” (To my knowledge, that last quote was never specifically said aloud by any of my pastors or teachers, but the gist of it was stated in some form or another in a sermon here and there.) I also have an odd memory from early childhood of my father bringing up this subject during one of his nightly devotions with me and my brothers. I couldn’t have been more than 10 or 11, and I distinctly remember sitting beside my brother Jeremy, who was probably 8 or 9, and dad was reading us a Bible story. (It was probably just us older two boys. The twins would have been about 5 at this time.) I don’t remember what the story was, but I do distinctly remember Jeremy asking my dad, “What’s homosexuality?” This was my dad’s response: “It’s when men have sex with other men. It’s disgusting! It makes me want to puke!”

It’s strange how specific words or pieces of a scene can stick in your memory for so many years. I carried that vehement statement with me in the back of my mind for many years afterwards, well into junior high or high school. It’s how I knew I could never, ever tell my parents about what I was struggling with, and I got to the point where I wore my mask very well. I bided my time until high school graduation, and I almost made it to the finish line without any hiccups.

Almost.

My senior year was 1996-97. One of the requirements for me and my 9 classmates – the same group of kids who had tormented me relentlessly in elementary school, but with whom I was now close friends – was a Bible class called “Understanding The Times”. It was designed to equip young Christians with the necessary religious reasoning and skills to guard and defend their faith as they entered a Godless and corrupt world. An example of the topics in this class: abortion, homosexuality, rock music, pop culture & politics. My friends and I loathed this class. We made fun of these topics and assignments – as well as the teacher – outside the classroom. (The teacher was Mr. Ward – a true nerd in every way, especially in appearance. He was tall, pencil thin, with large glasses, a thick moustache, and a long nose. I still cringe when I think about the crush I had on him in my junior high years.) Being typical teenagers, we had already done our share of rebellious activities, i.e. the occasional weekend party where alcohol had made an appearance. (Actually, I should say “they” had done those activities. I was never part of the “in” crowd in high school, despite the microscopic size of my class, so I was never cool enough to be part of anything rebellious.)

By this point in my life I had become quite comfortable with being gay. I believed quite firmly and without a doubt that I had been born this way. I couldn’t really tell you for sure why, but I knew that. I knew it in my bones. And I was fine with it. I was, however, not anywhere close to being fine with all the religious bullshit that had been shoved down my throat for the last 17 years of my life. My brothers and I were born and raised in the church. My father insisted on all of us being present ANY time those damn doors were open for service. And I do mean, ANYTIME. Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday evening youth group, and especially anytime there was a special week-long revival event. That was when a visiting pastor or an evangelist would be passing through town and a good, old fashioned church service would be held every weeknight. I grew to loathe these special services, as they would often happen in the summer, and I could think of a thousand things I would rather be doing on a warm, breezy July evening than forced to sit in church and listen to some guy rant and rave about the sins of the world.

So, in the spring of ’97, as our graduation date neared, and as my friends and I endured this terrible Bible class where our teacher lectured us on the evils of premarital sex and rock music, I had finally decided that I had had enough. One of our assignments towards the end of March, about six weeks from graduation, was to write a paper on a topic that I can’t even remember now. What I do remember very clearly, however, was that I stated in this paper, in no uncertain terms, was that I was an Atheist. I did not believe in God, in Heaven or Hell, or pretty much anything in the Bible. I proudly handed that paper to my teacher on the day it was due and walked out of class feeling a bit giddy and anxious. I really didn’t think anything other than a failing grade was going to come of this.

One thing about teenagers: we really don’t think through the consequences of our actions.

I was called into the principal’s office two days later. Mr. Grayson was seated behind his desk and my dad was seated in front of the desk. My mind immediately began racing through the past couple weeks, trying to remember if there was something my friends and I had done that violated church rules. I had already forgotten about that stupid Bible class assignment. But when I sat down, and when Mr. Grayson read aloud what I had written in that paper, I started to think that maybe – just maybe – I had crossed a line. This is another memory where I have a clear record of the actual dialogue:

           MR. GRAYSON: Neal, I’m going to ask you think once, and you need to think carefully about your answer. (Pause) Do you really, truly believe what you wrote here? Or was this just another way to get back at Mr. Ward?

I did think…for about 2.5 seconds.

           ME: Yes, I believe it. A hundred percent. There’s no God, no afterlife, and I’m an Atheist.

           MR. GRAYSON: (giving me a serious, measured look) I’m sorry to hear that, Neal. I’m afraid we can’t accept you here as a student any longer. If this was just some kind of acting out, or if you were just being argumentative, that would be one thing. But if you actually believe this, then there’s no place for you here. We’re going to have to expel you immediately.

He turned to my dad and they started talking, but I don’t remember what that was. All I could think was,

HELL-FUCKING-YEAH!!!!!!

I was so excited I could hardly contain myself. I practically floated out of that office, and I was grinning ear to ear all the way home. I even almost ran a red light because I wasn’t paying attention. All I could think was that I was finally free! No more preaching, no more lecturing, no more stupid Bible class! I was free of all of it!!!

Only later that afternoon, as I reflected on what I had done, did the full weight finally come crashing down on me. I wasn’t going to walk the aisle at my own graduation. Oh shit. Goddammit!

Goddammit!!

But, what was done was done. Yes, there was major fallout in all corners of my life – and my family’s lives – from my little act of rebellion. I eventually came to terms with what I had done, and, in all honesty, I have accomplished so much more in my life since then that has meant far more to me than getting expelled six weeks before high school graduation. Graduating Boise State University with a Bachelor’s in English, for one. And, ever since that declaration, I have been a proud and determined Atheist. I walked away from the church, the religion, the Bible – all of it. I wanted nothing more to do with God or any of his followers, and, until 2020, I’d been very happy with that choice.

And now…back to my little session with Patrick Stewart and Chris Evans.

           ME: (still looking out the window, talking mainly to myself) It wasn’t just because of the religion or being gay. It was all of it. I’ve been ridiculed, bullied, and made fun of ever since 2nd grade. I’ve always been different in many ways. I’ve never, ever felt as if I belonged somewhere, especially as a teenager. There was nowhere to be my complete, truest self. Not even at home. I’ve always been the outsider, the outcast, the one looking at the “in” crowd and longing desperately, with all of my being, to fit in somewhere. Longing to be normal. But I’ve never been normal.

I turn to Chris.

           ME: You were right. I’ve been lonely my entire life. Desperately, sadly, tragically lonely. I learned early on to build a wall around myself to protect me from the bullying and the cruelty of the other kids. And then, in junior high and high school, I fortified that wall, made it thicker and stronger. It was the only way to survive. And then, somewhere along the way, I became so comfortable with it that I didn’t realize it was even there. But it’s always been there, and I’ve kept everyone in my life at arm’s length. I never let them get inside the wall. Not even my family is allowed inside.

It was at this point that I became truly choked up and damn near broke down in the lobby of Walmart. I don’t know why it took 23 years to arrive at such an obvious revelation, but there it was. Even as I write this I’m having to pause and blink back the tears. I hate feeling this way. I hate that I now have to live with a vow that my younger self blindly, stupidly made. Almost everyone I know – including my brothers – is happily married with kids or, at the very least, in a relationship with someone special. I am alone. I have spent my whole life marching to the beat of my own crazy, wacked out drummer that I never bothered to check just exactly where it was I was marching to; or, for that matter, if I was even staying on the damn football field. And, as I said already, I have accomplished so much in my life since walking away from those troubled, angst-filled teen years that being single was never a big deal. I used to be thoroughly, genuinely happy by myself. I’ve never needed that whole, clichéd, stupid rom-com story: boy meets boy in meet cute, lots of misunderstandings and contrived plot points ensue, boy and boy end up happily ever after. Romantic relationships are ridiculous and unnecessary in order to live a happy, fulfilled life. I believed that then, and I still believe it now.

CHRIS: Uh-huh. So why does the fact that Alfred still hasn’t responded to the text you sent an hour ago bother you so deeply?

I’ve returned my gaze to the window, but Chris’ statement causes me to turn. I glare at him with such rage that he actually recoils.

           CHRIS: Uh, never mind. Forget I asked.

           ME: Fuck you.

I get up and leave the room.

My shift at Walmart is over. I’m headed home for a much needed nap and then some play time with my Nintendo Switch. I’ve had enough self-induced psychoanalysis for one day.

 TO BE CONTINUED…

[wallpaperpainting]

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