#season 2 is going to be the last nail in this obsession coffin i feel it

[jester-step]

was reading a research paper. saw the word “holistic” being used. immediately thought of dirk gently. blorbofication has begun ‼️

[lunion]

I had a friend defend to me that the fourth season os Star vs the forces of evil was good and that the ending was actually good.

This triggered a bunch of memories that are hard to explain, so I'll just paste my messages to him on the topic:

"Star vs the forces of evil is essentially two different shows taped together and unfortunately, the second show it tries to be is not nearly as compelling as the first one.

The first half of the show (Seasons 1 and 2) are mostly centered around quirky, yet good hitting slice of life comedic stories that revolve around growing and maturing as a person, mostly Star learning how to handle her impulses and Marco learning how to go with the flow a little more.

They had good chemistry, but it felt a lot more organic and even if they didn't end together as a couple, their relationship was nice and enjoyable to see it through.

It was very nice well balanced with action segments either for light fun or some higher stakes as they built up Ludo and Toffee to be these forces to be dealt with.

The second half of the show devolves into political drama, history revisionism and full ship indulgence/relationship drama. Almost every tool used in season 3 and 4 has been underutilized at best and squandered at worst. Starting off simple, Mewni is just not as interesting to visit as it was to especulate based on the little information we had.

Moving to mewni lifted the veil and the authors couldn't fill it with anything interesting. Another thing is that the political drama followed all of its beats, but honestly never quite landed when it came to actually making the historical parts interesting. It was either very formulaic or very cut and dry to the point it felt like they really were just going off hitting the "history revivsionism" tangent by accident and seeing where they landed.

And of course, while relationship conflicts are still part of a teenager's life, at this point I feel it was just being stretched to its limit to make for the most drama. Who the characters dated/broke up with felt more in line with "what's going to generate more hype/drama" than "what makes for good character growth/compeling storytellling".

Marco breaking up with Kelly offscreen after having a whole dedicated episode to trying to branch off from Star really feels like "Okay, what the fuck was that supposed to be the point, then?"

And then we have things like Star obsessing over Marco's stinky hoodie as if that wasn't creepy as fuck, the show failing to acknowledge the massive problem they caused with Marco aging to 30 and dating Star and how they just felt not like evolutions or continuations of their previous arcs, but rather revised versions of themselves in the hands of different authors, it really makes them not feel like the characters I loved, but a Ruin version of them.

The final episodes were just the nail in the coffin because any organic chemistry between star and marco was pretty much dead at that point and I was almost rooting against them and then they go to the magic dimension and destroy it on a whim despite all they did to save it, because apparently Toffee was right all along. The death of all magical creatures and the joining of dimensions is completely shrugged off and, if anything, that ending undermines Star's road to learning about responsibility of not indulging your whims just because you want to as Star and Marco forcibly unleash chaos on the now united dimension just so they can be together.

I don't know what makes an ending "objectively good or bad", but I know that watching the final episode of Star vs the forces of evil made me feel absolutely robbed from everything I ever loved about the show. Not for the episode on its own, but what it has built up over the last two seasons slowly tearing down the things I loved about the first two seasons culminated in the greatest disappointment I ever felt in media ever since I watched that episode and that frustration is worse than any frustration I ever felt for every bad sonic game, every bad RWBY decision, every bad Homestuck page, every bad fanfiction I ever wrote COMBINED if you didn't feel like everything you cared about was stripped from you from those two final seasons, then I can only be happy for you, but I also realize (the rather obvious observation) that you never had the same engagement that I had with the show, so it makes sense that the ending wouldn't cast "testicular torsion" on you like it did to me"

[dramasauce]

Chinese Dramas I’ve Watched in 2019

I’d prefer no reblogs thanks!! 

These were objectively great: (I put them in order from most enjoyed but I loved these all for separate reasons.

1. Because of Meeting You--strong storyline, very cute romance, sometimes a little too much redemption and drama. But the couple gets you through.

2. Well Intended Love--some things are handled extremely. Some may NOT like. Take caution. I reblogged a full review in the tags of this drama. But as I’ve said before. I don’t condone any of this behavior in real life. But this drama I like.

3. Coup De Foudre--Good dynamics. Believable relationship over time. Cute moments as high schoolers and as adults. The brother and best friend were the best.

4. Accidentally in Love--Cute and simple. Pretty people.

5. Go Go Squid-simple all the way through. A good pick me up because nothing drastic happens. VERY cute.

6. Only Side by Side with You-The couple HAD chemistry. Very gray/mixed morals male lead. VERY flashback heavy. Drones. If you can ignore those (it’s hard) you’ll like this.

7. I Hear You-Cute, same style/feel as Accidentally in Love.

8. My Girlfriend is an Alien-quirky, romance takes a while and loses us, but you’ll like the leads.

9. About is Love-female lead is borderline unbearable. But the male lead is possessive and makes up for it.

Not excellent but points were made (no order or ranking of enjoyment)

Legend of Yun Xi--Ambigious ending really tore this drama. BUT the lead couple are getting another wuxia together! Male lead was too stone faced for too long. But I WANTED something from them.

My Girlfriend--love triangle was odd. But had cute moments from the leads. Cohabitation at one point. Funny jokes and reasons the leads are pushed together. Average. But I loved too? Hard to rate.

Sm:)e--second lead male was old and in the way, third lead male was typical, but Wen Han shined.

Sweet Combat-It took a long time for anything to happen. Secondary couples were more entertaining.

Flipped--There was a sad feeling always in the background because of the coloring and because you kind of knew something sad was going to happen. If you like those feels, you’ll love this. I liked the female lead.

Time Teaches Me To Love--average. Forgettable.

I Love My President even thought He’s a Psycho--I cant believe they made this. Horrible.

Put Your Head on My Shoulder--again, AIL in feel/style. And I did not like how the female lead handled her 1st heartbreak. But it had a lot of cute moments. Cohabitation.

Inborn Pair--too long and (2011) older. But the first 40 episodes(?) were good. But it became very Chinese makjang. Random children, obsessive other women, and ridiculous break ups. Cohabitation episodes were cute.

Your Highness, Class Monitor--everyone in the male lead’s life were a lot to handle.

Fall in Love 2019--The power thing was NEVER made sense. Second lead male didn’t get his deserved ending.

Gank Your Heart--First twenty episodes were great then it becomes messy. Love triangle IS LONG. Good female lead.

My Poseidon--Love triangle IS LONG. Female lead treats male lead not very good. Loves second lead for a most of the show and its embarrassing. Last minute medical really put the nail in the coffin.

My Mowgli Boy--This was absolutely great until the last episodes. I hated that. This drama ruined me because of those last episodes.

My Amazing Boyfriend 2--It continued off where the first season left off except with different leads. But still fun. UNTIL: this is a spoiler but one should prepare for. Someone else carries the baby because she can’t continue to carry it inside her.

My Mr. Mermaid--It had cute moments but it was very immature and boring.

Meteor Garden--If you ask my friends I have a love/hate with this drama. I was frustrated and angry the entire time. But I miss them now? I think this  has one of the worst female leads of all time. Sorry not sorry and I wont argue it. But you spend a lot of time with these characters so you enjoy the show.

Shall We Fall in Love-another bad female lead. She treated the male lead horribly for a long time. He’s a sweet male lead. Very nice and different from your typical possessive jerks, so that was nice.

Cinderella Chef--The time gap ruined this. But it was good until then.

[drtswift]

Glowing up with Taylor

So, hear me out here. I’m usually never up this late, but I can’t stop listening to Reputation.

Here I describe how Taylor’s discography has helped me glow up over the past 10 years. To preface things, Taylor is 4 years older than me. Thinking about song-writing, though, she probably wrote these within 2 years of releasing the album, which only places them 2 years away from me. Basically, when each album was released we were only talking about a 2 year contextual difference.

Taylor Swift (2006): young Taylor singing about your standard teenage issues. I mean, does anything scream teenage heartbreak like “Picture to Burn?” When people actually printed out photos and could burn them. The whole album is a teenage anthem, ending with “Our Song” to describe that puppy love desire to have something special in a relationship that probably won’t matter in the long run. Honestly I wasn’t super into country music, but hey, “Our Song” was catchy.

Fearless (2008): High school freshman/sophomore Kayla was JUST starting to get that she looked like Taylor, and if Fearless isn’t one of the records that sticks with me the most. Cue buying cowboy boots and wearing sundresses because WWTD? “Hey Stephen” is the perfect song for that first high school boyfriend. “Hey Stephen I could give you 50 reasons why I should be the one you choose. Those other girls, well they’re beautiful, but would they right a song for you? *insert flirty giggle*” I was in guitar club my freshman and sophomore year of high school, so that lyric totally stood out to me. Making new friends in a big high school is soooo “Fifteen.” “You’re Not Sorry” for getting dumped by the guy who gave you your first kiss.... I mean, Fearless is the most relatable album for a high schooler, and I was no different. Also, this year Taylor came to Charleston for her concert, and I definitely got followed around the mall by a group of 8 year olds the day after the concert because they thought I was her. Honestly, this is where the obsession began.

Speak Now (2010): I was a junior/senior at a boarding school where I got a taste of freedom that would be reminiscent of Taylor’s season of life at this point. “Dear John” gave me the confidence to confront the guy who dumped me, and “Better Than Revenge” was shamelessly blasted from my dorm room because the girl he dumped me for lived on my hall 🤷🏼‍♀️. This season of my life was when I actually got vocal about things that went on in my life. “Enchanted” was my anthem when I met a new guy at none other than our back-to-school dance. I mean, it couldn’t have been more fitting. I blasted it in my dorm and danced around the room. “Last Kiss” is still one of the saddest, realest T Swift songs. Whenever I was dumped I bawled like a baby to this song. It’s still a go-to break up song when the wound is still fresh. I was still rocking the cowboy boots and sundresses, curling my hair... Speak Now is the anthem of my last two years of high school, spending more time upset with boys than I should’ve been, but that doesn’t make the emotions any less real.

Red (2012): Freshman/sophomore year of college in a different state was me spreading wings. “I Knew You Were Trouble” was literally about every single guy I was interested in my freshman year. THERE WERE JUST SO MANY BOYS EVERY WHERE, SUE ME. “State of Grace” is so carefree and confident in the face of any relationship. I stepped into my own in college. I was me because I liked me, and I was having fun in a whole new place. Being real with emotions, and having a few (okay okay, a lot) good cries to “All Too Well,” which I will still have occasionally. “Treacherous” is so passionate about breaking the rules, and being daring. These songs gave me the confidence I needed to tell a guy that I was into them, and what’s the worst that can happen? He’ll say no? But at least I did it. Red also took me to Europe for a summer of carefree living, where “Holy Ground” could’ve just as easily been about a dreamy Italian stranger as someone I’ve been interested in forever. The drift into a new genre of pop music, with ties to her roots really just screams of being adaptable and fun. “Begin Again” music video also took place in Paris, so I was able to swoon over the streets I was living in for that summer.

1989 (2014): My First year of graduate school. Another new town, and another shift for Taylor. She went from innocent to edgy. I purchased leather leggings because of 1989 because if Taylor can transition into sexy, so can I. “Blank Space” is still my anthem because who gives a crap what people say about your relationships. You can just make fun of them for it. Songs about failed relationships turned into suggestive anthems about her men being a fashion accessory “Style” and fleeting “Out of the Woods”, and that’s okay. Getting rid of old guys that have tainted every artifact of your life in “Clean,” and runnjng away with a guy because you don’t want the general public to spread false nonsense about you. That relationships can be privately sexy 😉 and that beat in “I Know Places” is a secretive sexy that makes a new relationship fun and exciting.

Reputation (2017): The rumors never stop, and when you get out of a long-term relationship people have to pull these crazy accusations from left field. People can say whatever they feel like, and you can write a song and put them back in their place. I️ mean, the genius that went into “LWYMMD” is impeccable. I’m a research scientist, but “LWYMMD” is some next level genius stuff. People want to paint this crazy picture of you? Fine, give them what they want, but you come out as the winner. “Look what you made me do...” I released a number one over night that sounds nothing like my old stuff, but my true fans still love me and make me who I am. Playing into people’s rumors and making money off of it is the ultimate jab. Like, let your success be the nail in someone else’s coffin. “Delicate” where she’s just being real about her attraction to a guy. “Is it too early for me to say that I’m into you? Oh well, I am, so I’m going to say it anyway.” Acknowledging her image (Reputation) in “I Did Something Bad,” and then OWNING the heck out of it. The sexy openness of “Dress.” Like man, that song is so honest, which makes it so hot. And can I say, I’m super thankful for that acoustic ballad “New Year’s Day.” Transitions with a guy through the party and into the new stage of her life. He’s helping her pick up the pieces. It’s beautiful, and the perfect ending to the album of rumors on her Reputation.

@taylorswift thank you for the years of songs that have helped me grow and process my current events. I love how we’re so close in age so that you were my current age when you were writing the songs. They’ve taught me to be me, and they’ve taught me to own my image. That the people who love me will know the truth. I hope you read this testimonial. Thanks for helping me “glow up” over the years to become fierce and edgy and my true self. And thanks for helping me focus on the important stuff. You’re the realest Taylor.

Sincerely,

Kayla

@taylornation

[evenstevensranked]

#29: Season 2, Episode 18 - “The Thomas Gribalski Affair”

Tom starts bonding with Steve and Louis quickly starts to become extremely jealous of their relationship. Meanwhile, Ren volunteers to lead the school bike safety demonstration even though she doesn't know how to ride a bike.

This one starts with Louis and Twitty at the Stevens house playing “Stinky Sock Ball” — some ridiculous game they created with a bunch of nonsense rules. I don’t even know. Tom is over and sitting the game out. “Pass. The last time I played Stinky Sock Ball I got a concussion. It’s been six months and I’m still a little woozy.” Gotta love Tom. This episode has his name in the title (a play on the film The Thomas Crown Affair I’m assuming), so ya know it’s gonna be good. Just then, Steve comes waltzing in super excited about this leprechaun whittling kit that came in the mail. He had plans to carve out the block with Louis, but of course.. Louis would rather play Stinky Sock Ball. Priorities. Tom seems interested in the weird hobby, so Louis suggests that the two of them hang out instead. Little did he know that one small decision would send him spiraling into jealous insanity. I’d also like to mention that the leprechaun’s name is “McStinker, The Town Drinker.” Okay, Disney Channel.

Next, we cut to Wexler’s office for the subplot. Ren and Larry are competing against each other once again. Wexler is looking for a student to lead the next safety demonstration and they’re both desperate to be selected. There are a bunch of other students there who are also willing to volunteer until Wexler says they’d have to give up a Saturday. Literally everyone leaves except for Ren and Larry. As an adult, this just makes me laugh tbh. One little Saturday in your Junior High career means nothing in the grand scheme of life. But, god forbid! We all need that precious Saturday to do.... nothing... instead. 

Wexler picks Ren by default and doesn’t even consider Larry, which is totally not playing favorites at all. We learn that the demonstration is going to be for bike safety, thanks to Louis and Twitty running Wexler over because they were too preoccupied with eating chips and salsa. 

Are these screenshots fantastic or are they fantastic? I’ll wait. 

Ren is definitely apprehensive about leading the demonstration now and we don’t know why. She clearly doesn’t want to do it anymore, but the thought of Larry getting the gig instead motivates her. 

At lunch that day, Louis and Twitty are playing yet another ridiculous and frankly freakin’ [Raven voice] NASTY game called “Extreme Meat Hoops” where they catch extra gooey meatballs that drip from the ceiling. Who thinks of this stuff?! HONESTLY. Tawny is disgusted as usual. 

This literally looks......... awful. 

Tom joins them at their table, ranting and raving about the funniest joke his friend Steve told him. When Louis questions who the heck Steve is, Tom says “Steve Stevens is the real deal” which is such a great line I can’t even explain it. Louis being Louis takes a minute to register that Steve Stevens is his dad’s name lol. He finds out that Tom and his dad have been hanging out a lot. In fact, they’ve been hanging out so much that Steve gave Tom his direct phone line to reach him at work. Louis didn’t even know Steve had a direct line, haha. It’s actually kinda sad. We start to see Louis’ jealousy emerge here. 

At home, Eileen absolutely hates the newly-carved leprechaun. Steve wants her to find a prominent place for the thing, but it looks like a total eyesore everywhere she puts it. This reminds me of Lizzie McGuire and her dad’s obsession with lawn gnomes. This montage actually makes me laugh. It’s set to upbeat Irish-y stock music which contrasts Eileen’s distaste perfectly lol. Ren walks in and goes to Eileen for help with the bike demonstration. We learn that she was too embarrassed to tell Wexler she doesn’t know how to ride a bike. Whooop, there it is. Eileen promises to help teach her. 

Ren in a crop top?! Why does this seem so... out of character? I noticed this before in Swap.com. Idk. To be fair, it was 2001. Showing your bellybutton was ~all the rage.~ God help me. Also, Ren’s shirt is purple-y once again and she’ll pretty much wear anything if it’s purple so. 

Louis and Twitty are hanging out by some lake and Louis starts reminiscing about how he and Steve used to ride the paddle boats together when he was little. He says they used to sing this cheesy father-son song and “I can almost hear it now......... I CAN hear it now!” Lo and behold, Tom and Steve are riding in a paddle boat singing said cheesy father-son song. Louis’ jealousy has hit a new level. 

This would be a little much. If I saw my mom doing such personal things with one of my friends I would literally be so concerned??? Like, what the heck Mom?! It’s just weird. 

Immediately following this, Louis invites Tawny over for one of their little therapy sessions, lol. I love how this is something we’ve seen a few times throughout the series -- Whether it’s a serious talk like this or just Louis going to Tawny for advice. Like I’ve said before, he values her opinion A LOT which is lovely. This scene always stood out to me because they completely cleared out Louis’ room to look like a clean, cold therapist’s office or something. This is one of the only times it doesn’t look like a tornado ripped through it: 

His bed looks sooo much smaller when it’s made? I could’ve sworn he had a full bed this whole time lol. 

He tells her that everything went downhill when he was 5 and pushed Steve out of a paddle boat:

They gave Steve a curly brown mullet in this flashback. It’s wonderful. 

Tawny says the symbolism is obvious: Louis has been pushing his father away forever. She suggests taking an interest in something Steve likes to do. 

Next we cut to a montage of Ren’s bike riding lesson with Eileen. She’s literally terrible at it. They make a point to keep these random fencers in the shot. Like, really.. who goes to the park to fence? I’ve personally never seen that before but ok. I also just need to include this accidental screen cap of Ren about to fall because it’s great. 

Ren and Eileen leave the park after a day of failing miserably, and one of the fencers enters the frame and takes off their mask............. plot twist look who it is:

It’s Larry Beale smiling maniacally because he thinks he has tea to spill about Ren being bikely challenged. 

Now we move on to what is probably the best sequence in the episode. Steve is out golfing and Louis surprises him by showing up at the course! He’s so excited to spend one-on-one time bonding with Steve the way Tom has been lately, until Steve asks “Would you like to join us? Me and Tom!” And Tom shows up in his ~golfing threads~ which look ridiculous. (Cover image) There are so many fantastic lines from this point on. Kicking off with Tom saying “Say, Mr. Lou! I didn’t know you were a duffer.” And Louis gets SO OFFENDED. I’m assuming he thought Tom was swearing at him or something lol I can’t. Well, technically.. he might’ve been. Steve claims that duffer is just another word for a golfer. Out of curiosity I decided to google it to see for myself and well:

It’s not another word for any’ol golfer -- but rather a golfer that doesn’t know what the hell they’re doing. It means stupid too, so. There are also articles debating whether or not the term is offensive in the golf world. 

Of course, Louis sucks at golf and hates the sport, but he’s trying so hard to win Steve over! The nail in the coffin is Steve casually calling Tom “son.” Yikes. Louis is at a loss for words at this point. 

The next bit is one of my favorite moments in THE ENTIRE SERIES. I have to embed the scene. 

From the opening lines between Louis and Steve, to “bend your knees” to Louis’ face at the very end. This is all gold. 

Before the demonstration, Larry tries to intimidate Ren by dropping hints that he knows her secret. But, Ren takes the high road and says she has nothing to be ashamed of. I love when characters do this! Never let anyone make you feel inferior. So Ren comes rolling up with training wheels and says “The first rule of bike safety is if you don’t know how to ride a bike, use training wheels.” YAAAASSSS, GIRL. Larry gets on the mic and tries to turn it into a giant embarrassing scene, but it just doesn’t work when the person you’re trying to embarrass isn’t embarrassed at all lol. Ren is totally owning the situation and it’s great. Larry just looks like a fool up there beating the dead horse “THE GIRL NEEDS TRAINING WHEELS!!!!!!!!!” 

She rides the bike through the obstacles, training wheels and all, and everyone roots for her! Yay.

Things get emotional back at the golf course. Louis finally hits the ball and it’s pretty incredible. He’s so excited and runs over to Steve and Tom like “Dad!! Did you see that?! I hit it in from way over there!!” and of course, Steve is all “Sorry, Son. I missed it.” You can just feeeeel Louis’ spirit deflating. This is the last straw for him. He starts ranting “You know what, Tom? I give up. You win.” It’s so sad oh my god. You can hear the heartbreak in his voice. Shia is so great, god. He basically starts handing his entire life over to Tom. Dang. Side note: Shia takes off his visor which made his hair stick up. He looks so different. I remember thinking he looked so cute like that hahaha. 

Steve catches on and Tom decides to give them some space. “You two should talk. I know how my mother must feel. I canceled 3 games of Pinochle with her this week... I’ve got some fences to mend.” Tom is seriously the best. Obviously, Louis and Steve make up. It ends with the two of them playing Stinky Sock Ball together. It’s sweet. 

I really like this episode. A lot. Y’all know I love Tom, so I had to rank this one a little higher just because he deserves some more love. But aside from that, this is a really good plot. It’s great to see how much Louis actually cares about his relationship with his father and how they eventually end up bonding a little bit more. I also like Ren’s plot here as well! It’s a nice stick to your guns sort of message that you can apply to anything really. There are honestly no specific reasons why I like this one so much... I just do lol. It’s a solid episode overall. 

Well, guys. We made it. Officially at #29. Holy crapoli. Soon we’ll be at 25, and then 20, and then 15, and then 10............ you know how a countdown works. I just can’t believe how little we have left to go. I got all emotional about it here because I’ve also been running this blog for a year now. What the heck. 

Thanks for reading!

Twitter | Facebook | Instagram

[fantasysuiteleague]

Week 6: The Chokey

At the beginning of this week’s episode, Taylor rises from the depths of the bayou to remind us one more time that she has a Masters and Corinne is not here for the right reasons. While I applaud her resolve to get the last word and very much enjoyed the anxiety she gave Corinne while talking with Nick, this ultimately felt like a lazy waste of everyone’s time. Of course Nick knows that Corinne is lying but he doesn’t care because he makes the majority of his decisions based on his dick, and the rest based on whatever the producers want. So sure, he’ll begrudgingly go outside and get scolded by Taylor for falling for Corinne’s shtick because he has to at least pretend like he cares about and respects these women. But ultimately, he doesn’t. And so instead of spending an extra 3 hours getting some quality time with the remaining women, he cancels the cocktail party under the guise that he promised himself if he knew where his heart was, he wouldn’t waste anyone’s time. But then he wastes everyone’s time with a rose ceremony...

I’m really sad to see Alexis leave as I imagine everyone else in the house is as well seeing as she’s probably one of the only girls I’d even want to have a prolonged conversation with. If you told me that the aspiring dolphin trainer from Jersey would end up being my season favorite, I’d have told you to get that fake news out of my face.  And yes, she’s not the right match for Nick but that’s not really the point of this show and like, who is Whitney?

An Orphan Emerges

The first stop on the International Bachelor Tour is the island of St. Thomas, where The OA gets her first 1-on-1 date immediately on arrival. They take a water plane to a private beach where Kristina begins to unravel her long awaited back story that explains her thick Russian accent. She’s only able to reveal she was adopted and has 8-9 brothers and sisters before Nick gets tired of the serious conversation and asks her to go swimming. Later that night, after a prep session with the producers, Nick starts to ask more targeted questions about her hometown in Russia and her parents. 

In response, Kristina tells a horrifying and heartbreaking story of child abuse and abandonment of a 5 year old girl by a woman who surely had mental health issues. After a few years in a Russian orphanage (woof), she found a US family to adopt her and she was able to exchange a life of prostitution and a bleak gray country of despair for a colorful life in America where she can go on national TV and compete for the “love” of a man who wouldn’t know struggle if it smacked him in the face. Being unable to relate and without a producer near him to hold up a cue card so he can give an appropriate response, Nick says “wow that’s..wow.” To be fair, it’s a lot to take in for someone with such a small brain. He tries though, which leads to some classic Viall tears and Kristina getting the rose and officially becomes the Jubilee of this season: beautiful orphan who has been through way too much shit to put herself on this show alongside fame whores looking for their 15 minutes of fame. Get out of there, girl! You’re better than this and you deserve more than Weepy Nick and his dysfunctional dick.

Do you like to be choked?

I can’t tell if this date was set up to fail or if the producers were just too lazy to come up with a better idea for a group date, although I’m guessing this all went according to plan. We’ve reached the point in the season where everyone is emotionally exhausted after needlessly obsessing over an instagram model and competing for time and attention only to get seconds of feigned reassurance to “just be patient.” Foolishly, the girls think they’ll have more time with Nick on the group date since there are fewer people to compete with, but instead they’re made to compete against each other all day. After the producers get everyone liquored up, they cruelly engage them in the absolute worst activity you could give tired drunk girls: beach volleyball. Having been on a spring break or two and found myself playing drunk beach volleyball I can confirm that this shit “fun” for about 30 seconds. The girls are #sports about the whole thing for awhile, but tired drunk girls can only take so much before they crack and say:

While Rachel is the first to really put her foot down and say “fuck this, I’m out,” everyone quickly follows suit and retreats to their respective corners to cry (or nap) until it’s time for round 2. Nick pulls Rachel aside first because he knows she’s smarter than most and could tell she was done with this shit, which gives him anxiety because up until this point he was under the impression that everyone would want to be with him and this would all definitely work out. But ... Rachel doesn’t want to be with him? I mean, come on. He’s Nick Viall. Either way, she certainly is done with this show and all the game, and he gets it, to an extent, as he tells her that she should still stick around because even though she hates this (him), he “thinks something great can happen.” AKA, she can be the first Blachelorette and he can get credit for making it happen.

Everyone else spends their time talking to Nick about how hard this is getting while Jasmine continues to unravel. She talks non-stop in a downward wine-fueled spiral about how Nick doesn’t see her; she’s never had a 1-on-1; she’s been to St. Thomas before so she doesn’t even need to be here; and wants to physically assault Nick. When Nick finally calls her off the bench, she absolutely blows it. Not that I had any faith in her playing it cool after the 5th time she mentioned getting violent with Nick, but like, wow. After repeating to Nick a condensed version of her earlier downward spiral, Jazzy hammers the final nail in her coffin when she repeats to Nick that she’s so frustrated she wants to choke him. And then she tries to choke him. Repeatedly. 

To say that his conversation with Jasmine didn’t go well is an understatement, but she should have known that when you criticize the Bachelor for not paying enough attention to you, your time is probably up. Nick tries to gracefully wiggle away from Jasmine and apologize for dumping her, but she’s not buying his apology and doesn’t want his sympathy because she (like the rest of us) can see right through him. Then again, there’s not much to see other than a pair of pastel short shorts and raging insecurity, but here we are.

Beauty Doesn’t Always Win

In a move that puzzles everyone in the house and at home, Whitney and Danielle L. (or should I say D-Lo) are tapped for the second 2-on-1 date of the season. D-Lo is confused because Nick was really into her in the first few weeks of the show and she seemed like a front runner until this assignment. Whitney, on the other hand, is that beautiful shadow they cast every season to float around in the background and offer nothing worth airing until someone realizes she’s still around and it’s time for her to go. Nick has absolutely nothing of substance to say to her, but just tells her she’s beautiful and has a nice aura around her. 

Nick stumbles through his breakup with Whitney after she questions his choice to keep D-Lo around because she doesn’t seem to think that D-Lo is right for Nick. Neither do Vanessa and Danielle M., who are sitting at home saying the same thing, leading me to wonder what has been going on behind the scenes that they aren’t showing us? Has she been a bitch? Can they tell she’s fake? Or is it just because she’s very stupid? Ultimately, I’m guessing it’s a combination between being dumb, fake, and unable to have a substantive conversation about anything. Take, for example, the beginning of her conversation word for word with Nick later that night:

Nick: I’m excited about tonight. It was a great first date

D-Lo: Yeah t was a great first date I had an incredible time

Nick: I don't think it's a moment I’ll ever forget, I just don’t know how many people in a lifetime will ever experience something quite like that

D-Lo: I know like looking back, dancing has kinda become our thing. It’s fun.

Nick: I certainly like that. It’s fun to goof around that way.

So. Much. LOL. D-Lo continues this awkward conversation by saying all the things she thinks she’s supposed to say at this point in the competition (like “it’s hard to be away from you” and “I like social things” and “I really have feelings for you” and I could totally see us together at the end of this,”) because she doesn’t have a brain and doesn’t seem to notice that Nick is sitting there looking painfully uncomfortable:

Finally, D-Lo tells Nick she’s falling in love with him and is so glad they’re on the same page, to which Nick responds that they are not, in fact, on the same page even though he really wanted it to work out with her because she’s so hot, but sadly he just cannot take one more minute of listening to her talk. And finally the reality of this whole week sets in for Nick: he can’t force himself to “fall in love” with a hot girl without a brain just going through the motions, and he might not be able to force these girls who are clearly better than him (Rachel, Kristina, Vanessa) to actually fall in love with him either. Realizing that he might be trying to hard, he retreats to the girls locker room to cry...

He proceeds to tell them how breaking up with one of the hottest girls made him realize this might not work out for him and at any moment he might just get up and leave ... and then he does. No one should feel bad for Nick at this point because he’s a pathetic baby bitch boy who, after parading himself around on this show 3 separate times, needs to take off that Livestrong band, stop trying to make people feel sorry for him, and get a real goddamn job. 

Did you notice . . .

Jaimi’s dress at the rose ceremony was all sorts of wack

Nick’s sweater on his date with Corinne was also wack 

It was refreshing to not have a Corinne-centered episode for once, although it looks like she’s going to make it all about Corinne again next episode.

Corinne’s face when Lorna, aka Black Raquel, shows up to essentially wait on Corinne. It was all very staged and edited and such an eye roll, but the look of horniness on her face at the beginning was great.· 

The editing of the group date was incredibly sloppy and lazy. We didn’t see how things devolved after the volleyball game and if Nick talked to anyone or if he just retreated to his suite like the bitch he is. We also didn’t see Raven get the group date rose or see Nick tell them that he just dumped Jasmine. I can’t tell if it’s because Nick and the girls aren’t giving the producers enough material to work with, or all just refused to play along after that. Either way, bored. 

Nick held that rose for a long time before not giving it to D-Lo·         

“Maybe I just wasn’t perfect.” - D-Lol

Minority Report: And then, there was one.

[auburnfamilynews]

I laughed. What else could I do?

No, Anders Carlson missing a potential game-icing field goal with 1:14 to play against Ole Miss isn’t something I’d have found funny at any other point in my Auburn football-watching life. But the Tigers had outgained the Rebels 502-to-232 at that point. They’d entered Ole Miss territory 10 times, while Ole Miss had entered Auburn territory only twice. Auburn had not given up a touchdown directly from either a special teams play or an offensive turnover; in fact, they’d only turned the ball over once. And for all of that, after Carlson’s miss, they were one Rebel drive from losing, one defensive breakdown from maybe the most disappointing loss of Gus Malzahn’s seven seasons as head coach.

So: on paper, a good-to-very good performance. On paper, a comfortable victory that offers optimism for more good home showings against the Amen Corner teams. On paper, an enjoyable viewing experience. In practice, teeth-gnashing frustration to the point of bitter laughter, because of course.

Because this is Malzahn’s Tigers tenure in one tidy 60-minute package. On paper, an Auburn program is plenty strong enough and plenty accomplished enough to keep any reasonable fan satisfied. In practice, even the reasonable fans can be excused if they’ve reached a point of frustrated exhaustion.

I hope they can be, anyway, since I reached that point in the wake of the game in Baton Rouge. As a fellow Cars-loving football-obsessed Southern Christian nerd, no Auburn coach of my lifetime has connected with me on a personal level more than Gus Malzahn. I’ve defended him on this site again and again and again, repeatedly during my SEC Country gig, on Twitter more times than I could possibly count. The determination of so, so many Auburn fans to irrationally dismiss his successes and cling to his failures has been a years-long disappointment.

But even my admiration and patience can do so much in the face of a drive chart like this:

13 possessions beginning in Auburn territory, 9 of them ending in a punt after 4 plays or fewer. 3 of them ending in LSU territory, none in a touchdown. 2 of them lasting longer than 5 plays, one of those ending in a punt from Auburn’s half of the field. All while an Auburn defense holds the same offense that shredded Alabama for 46 points in Bryant-Denny to 23 on its own field.

On paper, losing by 3 on the road at an all-but-certain playoff team is a-OK. In practice, I’m so tired of trying to talk myself into that paper that when Carlson’s missed field goal balls it up and throws it in the trash yet again, there’s nothing left to do but laugh.

—————————————————

In a piece now lost to SEC Country’s demise and the Internet ether, I argued before the 2017 Auburn-Georgia meeting that Malzahn was about to coach the biggest game of his Tigers career. 2013 was four years in the rearview, and despite some impressive performances in the interim, after blowing shoulda-coulda-woulda wins at UGA in 2016 and LSU in 2017, Gus needed to prove that he could still win a game that mattered — like, mattered-mattered — to Auburn fans. He whipped the Dawg crap out of Georgia, then destroyed Alabama for good measure. The evidence at the time seemed plain: give Gus both a competent quarterback and a competent defense, and his ceiling was still as high as it seemed in 2013.

The evidence 1.75 seasons later seems far murkier. Gus enjoyed both a competent quarterback and a far-more-than-competent defense last season, and it didn’t matter. Whether Bo Nix qualifies as competent or not might rest in the eye of the beholder, but surely we can agree he’s not Jeremy Johnson or 2015 Sean White, and at Florida and LSU that didn’t matter either.

So here we are, in November 2019, asking again if a Gus Malzahn team can win the games Auburn fans need him to win. It might not be fair to ask, given that his current Tigers have already beaten a potential Pac-12 champion-slash-playoff contender on a neutral field, are one of the 10 best teams in the country according to the best power ranking systems we have, and (Ole Miss flukishness aside) have continued to dispatch lesser SEC foes with aplomb. What more can you logically want? I ask myself.

The answer is that I want to feel giddy after an Auburn football victory again. I want to feel delighted. I want to wake up on Sunday morning still grinning about what happened the previous day. I want to sit back, exhale, and feel the buzzing in my bones I only get after Auburn has done something wondrous, something momentous. That hasn’t happened since 2017, and that Amen Corner remains the only time it’s happened since Tre Mason ran over Missouri.

That might be my problem. Perhaps the Oregon win — and Washington win before it — should have qualified. Perhaps beating LSU in 2014 or 2016 should have. Perhaps torching Bret “Bert” Bielema’s 2016 Arkansas or this year’s Mississippi State to flecks of campfire ash should have. But those teams aren’t good enough to provoke the emotional reaction I want. The LSU teams Gus defeated weren’t believed to be that great at the time, either. And as thrilling, reassuring, and resume-building as the victories over the Huskies and Ducks have been, there’s only so much weight a season-opener against a Pac-12 opponent can carry.

“Gus can’t beat good teams” is malarkey. “Gus’s record against Teams X, Y and Alabama is bad” is malarkey unless you’re also noting that his record against Alabama is better than anyone else’s in the SEC. Not acknowledging that Gus’s teams don’t lay season-wrecking Tuberville-style eggs*, don’t quit on him, don’t generate ugly off-field headlines, and do enjoy themselves enough that no less of a player than Derrick damn Brown would return for a senior season: definitely malarkey.

But it’s not malarkey to point out that Gus has gone a combined 4-9 against LSU and Georgia when many of those LSU and Georgia teams were Very Much Not All That Great and many of those games were Very Much Winnable. It’s not malarkey to say that going forward, those games likely won’t be any more winnable, either. It’s not malarkey to believe that if Gus can’t beat Georgia tomorrow or Alabama in a couple weeks, he’ll have put together one unambiguously good season in his last six.

After 2017, I’d have told you that yes, Gus remains the coach who gave us the CoxCat and the 2016 loss in Athens and a half-dozen other defeats whose pain and frustration go well beyond a notch on the bad side of the win-loss column. But I’d have also told you that as long as he could deploy a non-Jeremy Johnson quarterback, he’d repay that frustration with electrice, cathartic victory.

In 2019, the hair-pulling defeats are still here. As of yet, the soul-restoring victories are not. If Gus can’t rebalance that equation over the next month, it will only be fair to ask when/if he can.

——————————————

So roughly 24 hours from the Georgia game kicking off, it feels like we’re on a big outdoor train platform, Gus and myself. There’s long whistles in the distance, plumes of smoke. The trains are coming into the station.

This first one, its destination is one Amen Corner win or a couple of dignified, non-infuriating losses, followed by Gus’s unveiling as the new head coach at Arkansas. Who could blame him if he boards? His offensive line next season is one bad roll of the JUCO dice from disaster. No defense, not even this one, can lose the likes of Brown and Marlon Davidson without noticing. Nix can only improve so much. Rather than wait a year to get the boot, why not just go home while you can?

A second train huffs and puffs its way alongside the platform. I like it less. It will take Gus to a toothless repeat of the LSU game against the Dawgs, some unfortunate unfiltered comments from veteran defensive players afterward, and a decisive, demoralized defeat against Alabama. Auburn’s incensed boosters go through their couch cushions and pay the buyout.

The third train pulling into the station is my favorite. Passengers will have the pleasure of riding to a place much like 2017: a win over playoff hopeful Georgia, a win over playoff hopeful Alabama, a 10-2 record, a New Year’s Six bowl berth and good feelings all around. Those feelings will only last for so long — with next years roster and schedule, there’s a good chance this train brings us right back to this platform in two years’ time, just as 2017 didn’t keep us from it two years ago — but putting the final nail in both the Dawgs’ and Tide’s playoff coffins means no one cares (or should).

I don’t know which train Gus will board. I don’t know what happens after he does. If he does take a one-way trip away from Auburn, I don’t know if the Tigers will be able to replace him with anyone better. My hunch is that they cannot. But after the first 9 games of this season, I will not blame them if they try.

Here’s what I do know: something is about to happen. Auburn cannot wait on this platform forever, watching our rivals head off to exotic locales while it sips coffee and goes a homebody’s 8-4. Gus Malzahn has to choose his destination. I will carry his bags. I will give him a hug. I will wish him the absolute best, and mean every kind word.

But I also must ask him to decide where his program is going. I’m hoping it’s headed straight to victory over Georgia, and on to victory over Alabama. If not, we’ll deal with going other places, too. Like the last patron at the bar, like the late-night passenger who’s missed the final train, what matters is that Auburn can’t stay here.

*Well, the “get obliterated at home against Darren McFadden’s Arkansas or Andrew Zow’s Alabama” kind of egg-laying. Malzahn’s is more an exclusively “oops, our offense gained one first down in a half in a game we lost by less than a touchdown” kind of egg-laying.

Photo via @AUGoldMine

from The War Eagle Reader https://www.thewareaglereader.com/2019/11/gus-malzahn-and-the-whistles-of-the-trains/

[theprettiestshit]

Laying the LAW One Vegan Polish at a Time with Tanisha Lawerence

My name is Tanisha Lawrence. Born and raised in Brooklyn NY, also of Jamaican decent. I started my company approximately 3 years ago; LAW Beauty Essentials. My company is based Brooklyn NYC. Before I started my own company I've always landed great jobs with Fortune 500 companies. I would always do my very best in all roles and positions, however I was never completely satisfied. I knew if I dedicated the same hard work and energy into something of my own I would be happier. I began thinking what kind of business could I open. I've always been obsessed with nail polish, and although in the beginning it was just a thought, I started researching what it would take to own my own polish line. After countless emails and phone calls I finally found my manufacturer and opened my own line of nail polish. I would like to describe Law beauty essentials as a contemporary line of nail polish. Stylish, informative, and personable. A feel good brand. I've always used nail polish as a vessel to express my self and I wanted to do the same for others. 

How did you start curating nail polish ? I started curating nail polish after convincing myself it is possible. The more I started researching owning my own line, the more I started learning about all the different possibilities. My world began revolving around this idea. From finding the manufacturer, discussing colors with the chemist, choosing my bottles, caps and brush, with every new person I spoke to I asked for a referral to take me to the next step. Before I knew it I had everything in place. 

What is your personal highlight owning Law Beauty Essentials ? 

My own personal highlight of owning LAW Beauty Essentials is seeing others speak highly of my business. Sometimes when I am doubtful within myself, I remember someone once told me, “I only wear LAWS top coat, and when I forget to bring it to the salon I’m very upset” those personal/real endorsements keeps me going. 

What is the most challenging part about owning a small business ? 

I believe the most challenging part of owning a small business is that you you need to be well rounded. You have to oversee all aspects of your business. It’s a lot to learn and it takes time. Understanding your taxes, your profits and lost, knowing your target audience, getting in touch with them, remaining consistent. All of these things and much more is what drives your business and if overseen correctly, makes you successful. 

Where do you see law beauty essentials in 1 year ? 5 years ? 

In one year, I see LAW with a larger clientele, more colors added and in more boutiques, spas. In five years I see LAW Beauty Essentials in more states, larger chain/department stores. I would also like to reach customers internationally. 

Who is your muse ? Solange. She has a style so unique. I love how endearing she is with her clothing and hair styles. I think it makes safe to say it even influences the icon Beyoncé. 

Who is your favorite Manicurist ? Right now I do not have a favorite manicurist because I’ve been visiting several salons trying to find one fit for me. 

Do you have any advice on nail care ?

My advice on nail care would be to get them done minimum every 2 weeks professionally if you don’t do them yourself. Currently I’m using acrylic and I make sure they are filled every 2 weeks and I usually take take them off completely every two months. The removal process is a pain but when not taken off incorrectly it can cause major damage to your nails which you do not want. 

 What is your favorite nail salon and why ? My favorite salons are black owned salons. They are very welcoming to my brand. They, much like myself, understand the competition is great and customer service will will over the client.

What is your favorite nail style ? My favorite nail style is coffin shape and negative space designs. I love the illusions on the nails. It’s chic and edgy yet minimal and simple.

What's the last album you listened to in its entirety ? Last album I listened to entirely would be Kendrick Lamar DAMN

 If you had any other career what would it be ? Any other career would be party planning! But lucky for me as a small business owner, while trying to save, I plan my own parties so I get a little bit of both worlds. 

What is your go to manicure color & why ? 

Go to manicure color is pink. It’s not “seasonal” you can wear it anytime. 

What’s your skin regime like, Whats your favorite skincare line? 

For the past 4 years I’ve been using the 3 step process by Clinique. I find when taking care of your skin you have to find what works for you over time. I like the face they have different options for different skin types. Sometimes my body goes through phases so I like I can switch it up within the same brand. 

I use the soap, then the toner, then the moisturizer. Very easy and simple. When things happens, such and random breakouts it discoloration, I use different serums after the moisturizer. 

What are 5 products in your make-up bag: 

Q-tips Nail polish Oil blotters Mirror Bacticin 

If you could leave a message for women behind what would it be ? "If I could leave a message behind for women it would be to own who you are unapologetically. I’m still working on that but if I was able to master that at 100% I would be in a different place. "