#search deciding you dont have wifi
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jacenotjason · 10 months ago
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trying to post to tiktok makes me want to rip out vital organ
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think-like-a-poet · 3 months ago
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heyy how're you? Can you write something in which Nico Williams is at the early stages of a relationship with a girl who deals with trust issues(got cheated on in the past) yet she still loves him from the bottom of her heart? thanks
Nico williams x reader
Taglist: @sossaa @chromecouldnever
A/N: first time for Nico, it isn"t my best work. I dont really know how to write for him, but i hope it is kinda alright.
You were seated on the couch in your and Nico apartment. You had moved in the apartment a couple days before the start of ths Euro cup and boxes were pilled all around you. Because of all the things that had to be done you decided to stay home and fixed it instead of traveling to Germany with Nico for the first games. It felt weird not having him around, the space being quiet with only you in it. You had done almost evrything together those last months. Nico was the first person who felt you were loved in a long time.
The small beam coming from the corner of the room was the only thing that gave a light to the room. You opened up Twitter to search for some news and gossip when your eyes landed on a post with Nico. He was seated on a bench with a girl next to him as he smiled. Your heart dropped as you saw them together.
Your ex boyfriend Derek broke your trust. 3 years together went trough the drain when he decided to get an other girl pregnant behind your back. It still hurt you to this day, Even though you moved on from him. The feeling when you found out was heartbreakin as he tried to blame it on you for not being there enough for him when he 'needed' you.
The two years following had tou break of every little change you had for a relationship. The second it became to perfe t to be true, you broke it of and moved away, to scared to be hurt again. You weren't able to let them have their own things, as your mind raced to the worst thing.
Your tough dissapeared by the sound of your phone ringing on your hand. The bright screen blinded your eyes as you saw Nico's caller Id. You swallow as you picked up the phone. Your were greeted by the excited face of your boyfriend on the other side as he greeted you.
Nico saw how your face wasn't as excited as other times and his smile dropped woth worry, " Are you okay? "
It was quiet for some time and Nico thought the wifi had gone out. Just as he wanted to ask again your voice came trough the speaker" Do you like me?"
He looked confused as you sat straighter up om the couch, trowing your hair behind your ear. " What do you mean?" He asked, his accent slippimg out, " of course i like you. You are the live of my life. Why are you doubting?"
You felt a tear form in yoir eyes, but didn't want Nico to see it. You turned to camera a bit away from your face," I just saw those pics and I dont know. I though the worse even though it are probably some fans."
He put his face closer to the camera and yoi let out a little laugh at how weird it looked."i am sorry that tou think about those things. I hope that you know that I would never dare to hurt you."
" I know that Nico and I love you. But sometimes those thoughts just appeare." You sniffel as you dry your year.
He gives you a air kiss, " I love you and there is nothing or no one who can change that."
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bansheeoftheforest · 3 years ago
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Well, my wifi is not back, and wont be anytime soon. The very earliest luckiest would be getting it back by Tuesday (unlikely). The very worst my house burns down so theres that /lh /hj
This sucks so much because I really cannot read asks I dont see in real time, I have the same amount of reading comprehension for them as I do Frankenstein XD
Dm me links to any important syndicate asks I miss while I'm gone 👍
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Bannnnnn I tried to draw the Jekyll brothers but Kent? Is inconsistent? The database (what I use) showd him as a clean shaven guy with a bit messy hair but google is showing Kent as a completely different model? Neat hair, Brokenshire beard. Like it's the ingame "identify" zoom in and I cant check whats right before I already killed himmmm
Anyway here art <3. I know I said I'd draw the DTIYS first but art inspiration is stored in the Syndicate au <3
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Also I've been thimking about Henry wearing a mask +plus ponytail to hide his identity like for the past two days. Yknow those theater masks? The weeping and laughing? He wears the sad one while in the Blighters and Templars and the happy one while in the Rooks because hes a dramatic theater nerd. Also! I like to think that if Jekyll has to be a templar he'd still wear the Blighter uniform when he could and pretend hes not high ranking. He gets away with it because Crawford doesn't care about him and Roth lives for chaos
I also drew Henry in a mask and ponytail but it's not done yet 😔
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Also I did the math the the twins are 3 years older than Jekyll. Like thank goodness first of all because I fully went into ship entirely unaware on if there were canon ages or a scary difference. But also Jacob being 3 years older than Henry is kinda funny to me
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All of Evie's outfits (besides her default) are bad and I'm gonna fist fight the designers because the secrets of london (where I only searched the locations of 3) is so bad, especially with the effort needed. How did they do Jacob so good, but utterly fail with Evie /lh
NOOOOOOO D: Man, I really hope you will get it back asap, and also that your house don't burn down!!
Man, if I don't know your struggle rn. However I shall do my best to link you to every syndicate ask that I will get from here on out bc I don't tend to get small asks for that au so <3
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Huh-- oh wow you're right. I wonder if it is a set design or just a bit on random depending on the save file... I killed him a long ass time ago so I have absolutely no idea how he looked like <3
EITHER WAY OH MY GOD IT LOOKS AAMZING. I love??? How you gave all three individual personalities in just a single picture??? Kent looks like he is seconds away from murder and I LOVE Henry in the templar outfit, it fits him so well??? Man I really want to start thinking more of this branch. Would the entire Jekyll family be Templars so the trio got that role inherited? Are Raphael and Kent unidentical twins and Henry is the odd-one-out because he is the youngest? Were the three of them really close in Scotland, but left as soon as possible bc their family was abusive, only for Kent and Raphael to find refuge in the Templar Order while Henry goes to university? Would they still have that brotherly love if they were close as kids even when they are in the Order, or would they have a falling out and start despising each other (or Jekyll @ the older brothers at least)? Would Raphael and Kent secretly be protective of Henry and manage to keep him out of Starrick's line-of-sight so that Henry won't get in trouble for defying orders/ignoring them? Would they force Henry to join the Templars with threats or would Henry mostly feel obligated to join them? Since the Templar Order isn't illegal in London, would other people know that Jekyll is a Templar, or would he keep it hidden from the public? Would his brothers help hide his identity?? SO many questions and I'm so sad I won't be able to discuss them with you :'c
(also can I just say I love the poetic differences between their clothing. Raphael is just wearing a waistcoat/basic clothes and he is a brute and more open, Kent is wearing more clothes/layering up and he is the "brains" out of the two of them, Jekyll is wearing the most layers and is almost trying to hide himself and I just... *chief's kiss*)
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Henry being a dramatic theater nerd and stealing Roth's costume supplies to hide his identity bc he is so ashamed of it and doesn't want people he knows to know about it my beloved <3 Plus the blighter uniforms doesn't look too far off of what he normally wears so he could probably use that as an excuse whenever some other Templar gets up his ass about not wearing the right clothes, yet it still doesn't make Henry feel any better knowing he has to bear the knowledge that he is actively wearing discreet blighter clothes to keep the Order happy and the public oblivious, knowing what cause he is reluctantly supporting. (him joining the rooks and suddenly coming into the Society all dressed in green lol)
Anyways I have now also decided that Maxwell and Henry are friends bc they both hate the Templars and Crawford and Henry gets to star in many of the plays he sets up. Plus they are both slightly insane so they match each other good.
YKNOW WHAT I WAS DAYDREAMING ABOUT WHILE BRUSHING MY TEETH RIGHT AFTER THIS ASK? Jekyll being forced to be the one to murder his brothers and the twins trying to track the murderer down just to know who tf are killing their targets, conveniently at the same time Maxwell starts meeting Jacob. Henry watching Jacob from afar getting smitten by him but keeping a distance bc he knows Maxwell is possessive, Jacob being the first to befriend Henry after Maxwell explains that both of them are against the Templars and Crawford, Jacob saving Henry during the fire of the theater? Yes pls <3
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Thank god bc here I was imagining an age gap of like idk 15 years bc of the differences in the timeline but! I'm just going to keep the canonical age difference while also shoot the timeline up a lil so that the events of Syndicate and TGS takes place at the same time but they are the right age and stuff, just bc I do not like Evie's and Jacob's older designs and I do not want to imagine them meeting during the Ripper dlc <3 Also the thought of Jacob being older than Henry is funny. I think Henry has a type /j
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They are so fucking bad and I'm going to scourage the Nexus to see if I can find any good redesign mods because they are so fucking bad. But to be fair, all female main characters' outfits are bad. Pearl? Lucy Thorne? Mfs looks like vampires. Even more reasons for why I only play Jacob, bc all other outfits on Evie are bad <3
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into-control · 3 years ago
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Into i need help. I bought a oculus quest 2 right and i tried to connect it to my laptop and it wont work so I realized i needed and actual pc gaming setup you know, problem is idk anything about PCs and i dont wanna get scammed. Can you help me? Ive looked online and idk wtf im looking at tbh. Can you give like advice and shit lol 😂 love you into 💕
well i'm not a professional at pcs by any means but i've always had a huge fixation on them so i can try to help as much as possible and i'll even try to put it in simple terms. fair warning, i talk A LOT in this post because i love rambling about computers :') i tried to use the simplest terms possible since you seem confused but if something doesn't make sense just ask and i can try to reword.
it all depends on what you want out of your pc. and do you want to build one or get a prebuilt one? if you want my advice i recommend building one. getting a prebuilt pc is the easiest way to get scammed because retailers tend to overcharge and they think they can get away with it because they stuck a flashy high end graphics card and colourful lights in it even though it has shit airflow and they cheaped out on the motherboard and power supply or something like that. if you're going to get a prebuilt pc make sure you look at allll the specs and consult some online reviews to see if they're any good, and figure out if you're going to be overcharged. now i'll talk about building one. a lot of this will still be useful if you're considering buying a prebuilt though.
the very first step is deciding your budget. idk where you are but in USD the typical amount to spend on pc parts is i think like $1000 - 1500 (you can spend less but that's if you don't have a lot of money to spend and are still desperate to have a gaming pc). i'm spending around $1700 CAD (before taxes, eugh) on mine bc i want to get into more demanding games eventually. it sounds very costly but computers like these can last you a decade and are very multifaceted. figuring out your budget first instead of going right ahead and buying stuff is important because each component should take up specific percentages of your budget. another important thing to consider when deciding your budget is if you want RGB (the colourful lights as previously mentioned), because components with that capability are slightly more expensive.
after deciding your budget, your first move is deciding what graphics card (GPU) you want. the GPU is responsible for processing and presenting the visuals on your screen. theoretically it should take up between 35 - 40% of your budget because it is the powerhouse in a gaming system. you have two developers to choose from here: NVIDIA or AMD. from what i've seen people tend to prefer NVIDIA but AMD cards aren't bad and they definitely compete in performance. i'll talk about nvidia though because that's what i know more about. by searching up the oculus quest 2 system requirements it tells me you at least need an nvidia geforce gtx 970. this card came out in 2014 and is by no means bad however it is actually the same base price as a lot of newer cards. if you want to go better than the minimum requirements, first consider what your monitor is capable of. if you don't have one yet, consider what you want it to do. monitors are not considered a part of the budget i keep mentioning by the way. idk how much this matters to you since we're talking about the oculus quest 2 but i'm just kind of assuming you're going to use this pc for other games too. the main two things to take into consideration are max resolution and refresh rate. my monitor has a resolution of 1920 x 1080 and a 144hz refresh rate. what the resolution means is that there are 2,073,600 pixels in the screen, and can go up to a resolution of 1080p in video games. the refresh rate means the monitor can refresh the picture on the screen 144 times a second, therefore can show a max of 144 frames per second in a video game. to put that in to perspective, most screens have a refresh rate of 60hz, such as regular laptop screens, iphone screens, etc.. monitors come in mainly 60hz, 75hz, 144hz, and 165hz, and for resolution they mainly come in 1080p, 1440p, and 4k. seeing as i don't have any plans on upgrading my monitor any time soon, dropping extra money on a GPU that can achieve more than 144fps and 1440p/4k would be pointless. but forget about the monitor, the oculus quest 2 has a max refresh rate of 120hz and its resolution lies somewhere between 1080p and 1440p. if you know what kind of games you're going to be playing, look up how they perform with different kinds of cards. i'm fairly certain anything above an nvidia geforce rtx 3070 would be pointless because of your display limits, and anything below the nvidia geforce gtx 970 simply won't be enough for the system. you can look at all the GPUs ranked here. after deciding which GPU you want you need to figure out which brand of it you want (NVIDIA themselves, asus, gigabyte, evga, etc), because they all perform at slightly different levels, although the difference is usually only a few frames so it's better to save money. something to watch out for is the quality of the fans in the GPU because if they aren't good, it will overheat and underperform. i'm aiming to get a 3060 or 3060 ti, if that helps. the only problem is that there is currently a worldwide GPU shortage due to covid, tariffs, and the cryptocurrency mining boom (gpus are used in bulk to mine). fortunately there is currently a crypto mining crackdown happening in china, where majority of mining in the world happens, so the demand for GPUs will hopefully start going down soon. you wont be able to build your pc right away but the market is looking better than it has in awhile. this is just about the only argument i have in favor of getting a prebuilt pc, because they have GPUs in them and are more readily available. i don't think that's a good enough reason though especially since part of the reason i'm building my pc is because it looks fun lol. another thing to note is that you should not overspend on your GPU. the shortage has caused a lot of GPU prices to skyrocket into the $2k-3k range but none of them should be above 1k except the highest end ones. when deciding on a GPU, search up the manufacturer's suggested retail price (MSRP). cards made by brands other than AMD and NVIDIA will almost always cost a little extra, but do not pay hundreds of
extra dollars. but anyways!! the GPU is now out of the way and is definitely the longest paragraph here because it's the most important part.
next up is the central processing unit (CPU), which you should be spending about 20 - 25% of your budget on. its job is essentially to retrieve instructions from the RAM and execute it. i suppose you could call it the brain. again you have two developers to choose from, this time between intel and AMD. i've had two laptops with an intel CPU and my current one has an AMD CPU and both are very good, however the general consensus is that you can get the same performance for less by going with AMD. CPUs have cores, and each core can run its own process. the more cores you have, the more your pc can think about basically. you can get CPUs will all sorts of amounts of cores but for gaming, 4 or 6 cores is all you really need. 8 is actually already a bit overkill. so you really don't need to get the best CPU out there. the one you get should depend on what GPU you get (hence choosing that component first). you don't want to bottleneck your GPU by getting a CPU that isn't good enough for it, but bottlenecking your CPU with the GPU by a small amount isn't as big of a deal because the goal is to allow your GPU to be used to its full ability. another detail about CPU is clock speed, which determines how quick it can complete tasks. the higher the faster, obviously. my (non gaming) laptop's CPU clock speed is 2.30 GHz and has 4 cores. the cpu i have for my build is the AMD ryzen 5 5600x. it has a base clock speed of 3.7 GHz but it can be maxed out to 4.6 GHz, and it has 6 cores. the oculus quest 2 has a minimum requirement of the AMD ryzen 5 1500x or the intel i5-4590, which is a little low on the performance list. but like i said the CPU should depend on the GPU. all it takes is a google search for which CPU goes best with the GPU you've chosen and you can find several answers depending on if you want the best possible performance, best budget performance, etc.. a nice little fact about choosing AMD over intel is that most AMD CPUs will come with a stock cooler, which is absolutely necessary otherwise your CPU will overheat (this is another thing prebuilts will cheap out on). this only adds to the whole price-to-performance thing. the stock cooler will most likely do unless you push your pc or want the build to look prettier.
next on the list is a motherboard, where all the parts come together in unity. you should spend 8 - 10% of your budget on this baby. it's easy to over and underspend on a mobo. the most important thing when it comes to choosing a mobo is that it supports your CPU. you cannot use the same mobo for intel and AMD CPUs. fortunately the product page will straight up tell you which CPU brand the mobo is meant for and will typically have two versions of the same board. it's important to note that motherboards don't always have onboard wifi, meaning it wont be able to connect to the internet via wifi and instead needs an ethernet cable or an external wifi adapter. if you can't get an ethernet cable to the room where you want your pc, you're going to need onboard wifi, or a wifi card/usb. onboard wifi mobos tend to be more expensive so it's up to you, but i personally bought one with wifi included so i wouldn't have to worry about it because our ethernet cables are in the basement and i'm upstairs. another very important thing about motherboards is that their BIOS version (operating system i guess?? idk how else to describe it) doesn't always support your CPU out of the box and must be updated before using it. this can present as a problem if you don't have another CPU to perform the update with, however some motherboards allow you to 'flash' the BIOS with a only usb drive as long as it's hooked up to power. there are plenty of step by step youtube videos about how to do this. i will have to do this with my motherboard when the time comes because it doesn't support ryzen 5s out of the box. don't let this deter you from getting a certain board as long as it has a BIOS flash feature. next up is what I/O ports you want, which are the ports (usb ports, headphone/mic jack, hdmi port, etc) you'd find on the back of any desktop computer. that is the side of the motherboard. basically just be aware of how many of each ports you want, and remember that there will probably be even more ports on the front of the case you get. the last thing i can think of right now is making sure your motherboard has all the headers (where you plug components in) you want it to have but i'll get to that later.
next up on the list is RAM, aka random access memory. this stores short term data. the amount of RAM you have kind of determines how much your pc can multitask. RAM sticks typically go up by some multiple of 2GB. most standard laptops and desktops nowadays will come with 8GB of RAM, which is enough for day to day use. it can be enough for mid and low end games however it cuts it pretty close most of the time. 16GB of RAM is the sweet spot for gaming and anything above that is pretty much overkill (and once again a waste of money) as long as you don't have a billion unnecessary background processes. a large amount of RAM is typically needed for video editors or computer programmers. you should always make sure your motherboard can support the amount of RAM you want although any good motherboard will support 64GB or even 128GB. the best option is to get a 16GB RAM pack, which will include two 8GB RAM sticks. splitting RAM between two sticks will increase efficiency. this is called dual channel. i also recommend getting DDR4 RAM, which is simply faster than DDR3. a good speed to have is around 3600 MHz. make sure your motherboard supports DDR4. you also want to be weary that your RAM is compatible with your CPU brand because they do have to interact for your pc to function.
next is storage. there are three-ish options here depending on how much you're willing to spend. generally you should spend 8 - 10% of the budget here. you can always get a good ole hard drive for the cheapest, however they are the slowest and physically biggest option, meaning whatever you put on it will take a bit longer for your pc to retrieve and open (they can load about 100-200MB of data per second). the next option is a solid state drive. they are a little more expensive but can load as much as 600MB of data per second and take up less space. the last and most efficient/expensive option is an m.2 nvme drive. these things are physically absolutely tiny and can load up to 4GB of data per second. anything you put on these will open very very quickly. the fairly standard solution for this is a combination of two of these three. personally i'm using one m.2 drive and one hard drive. the hard drive i have can store 2TB while the m.2 drive can only store 256GB. funnily enough these two drives are roughly the same price. the idea here is to install your operating system on the faster drive. this makes it so it only takes like 8 seconds tops for your pc to start up. you can also put any other programs you use most often on there (like your main browser and favourite games) and they will open very quickly, while the bulk of your games and other files will go on the bigger drive. that's all there really is to say for storage, just make sure the reviews are good on the drive you want to get, but that goes for any component.
next is your power supply (PSU). very very important to not cheap out on this. 6 - 8% of the budget should go to this. the function of the PSU is to do exactly what its name implies: supply power to all the components. this is where the website pcpartpicker can come in very handy. not only does it help you build a list of parts that are all compatible with each other, it will also estimate how much wattage you will need to run your pc. 600W is usually enough for a normal gaming pc. PSUs are ranked, and you should never really go below a bronze ranking. you can also choose between non-modular, semi-modular, and fully-modular PSUs. non-modular PSUs have all the cables permanently attached. this can be desirable to people who are confused by what cable is plugged in where but also undesirable as unused cables cannot be removed and make cable management harder. fully-modular PSUs come with the cables all in a separate bag so you choose which ones to plug in. semi-modular power supplies have the necessary cables attached and the rest can be attached need be. it all depends on preference and how much faith you have in yourself. i have an 80+ gold certified fully modular 750W PSU because the thought of unnecessary cable management makes me sick lol. corsair is pretty much the most trusted brand for power supplies. be careful because this is another place prebuilts will cut corners.
now for the case! this one isn't overly difficult to choose and mainly will just appeal to your aesthetics. it's less important to stick to a precise percent of the budget for this one but you also don't want to spend more than 8%. do you want a black case? a white one? do you want a glass side panel so you can see inside your pc and admire your hard work? besides that, you also need to make sure the case is big enough for your motherboard, GPU, and PSU. most info pages for cases will tell you the max size of the GPU and PSU and what size of mobo it's meant for. you also want to make sure there is a place to put your storage drives (unless you only have m.2 drives which are installed on the motherboard). you also want to make sure it has optimal airflow abilities. a case with no airflow will cause overheating. the best ones have mesh fronts and tops to allow cool air to be pulled in and hot air out. it's even better if you can get a case that comes with fans in the front, because they are what pulls that cool air in.
next is the CPU cooler, which i briefly mentioned. if you don't get an AMD CPU then you'll need to buy a separate cooler. you can choose between air coolers (a fan and a heatsink) or liquid coolers. i don't really have much to say about them and i recommend doing your own research on liquid coolers lol.
last but not least, case fans. like i said a lot of cases will come with front fans and also an exhaust fan at the back, however you might want more, or even replace the ones you already have with better ones. pay attention to how many fans your case manual says can fit and plan accordingly. check out reviews to see if the fans you want are quiet and efficient. if you buy a three pack of case fans there is a chance it will come with a fan hub. this makes it easier to control all of them in sync because the hub will connect all the fans to one header on the motherboard. generally 3-6 fans are pretty good for a gaming pc. two or three in the front pulling in cool air, one at the back and two on the top to pull out hot air.
now that i have all the components out of the way i'm gonna talk about RGB lighting. numerous components that i've mentioned have the option of including LED lights to make your pc brightly coloured, which is always nice if you have a glass side panel on your pc. it's an extra bit of money but i personally was willing to sacrifice that because i want to show off my build lmao. motherboards, RAM sticks, GPUs, CPU coolers, and case fans are the main components that can come with RGB lighting. you can also get special LED strips and power connectors designed for PCs. if you decide to go for RGB lighting, do try to stick to one RGB ecosystem, meaning make sure all the RGB components can be controlled by one program. RGB is controlled by your motherboard. for example if you get an asus motherboard you'll probably want to use their program, aura sync. most components can be controlled by any brand's program however if the motherboard itself has RGB lighting it can only be controlled via its own brand's program, along with the GPU. if you want RGB case fans you really have to make sure your motherboard has RGB headers (the thingy on the motherboard where you plug the fan's LED lights into). most motherboards will only have two-ish RGB headers so if you're going to buy a bunch of fans make sure they come with a fan hub, which lets you plug them all into one header on the motherboard. also, never sacrifice performance for RGB. specifically when it comes to GPUs. if you have a choice between a GPU with RGB and a GPU without RGB, always take the one that has better performance (given it's within the parameters i mentioned earlier).
that's all i have to say :) if you couldn't tell i really love this stuff. i will also recommend you watch youtube videos about this, you can see the build process and the reasoning for using each component, and also tips on what to do and what not to do. i hope this helps and wasn't too confusing. i know you said this is mainly because you got an oculus quest 2 but if you're going to get a gaming pc you should definitely consider games outside of the oculus too.
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lemonietrinket · 5 years ago
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Gyu ||| Changbin x Reader
Summary: You’re a little bit sad, and Changbin will not have that. He’s on cheering-up duty and he is not wasting any time nor effort Genre: FLUFF with a tiny bit of angst bc you’re a lil sad k Warning(s): None Word Count: 1062 Theme Song: Love Song - Big Bang look the lyrics dont fit but the mood of the song does bc .. idk it just does AN: Apparently, a rather specific idea from @idontknowapil who always has good ideas so. Welcome to fluff-field
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You’d missed your bus.
It wasn’t the end of the world, but it did mean you had to wait another hour at the end of a forested street with no other company to catch the next one.
With little signal and definitely no wifi, you had been completely alone, except for the odd crow that hopped past. They all seemed to be searching for the same treasure, going by how desperately they sifted through the dirt and mudded leaves. And you weren’t far off from joining them in their search by the time the bus arrived, being positively ready to turn feral to scavenge for food and survive in the wilderness.
Ok maybe you were being dramatic.
But this is what Changbin heard and though he wasn’t impressed with your boss keeping you behind, he held his tongue and decided to focus his efforts into cheering you up instead.
You were sprawled on the sofa as he returned from retrieving the things he needed from his room. With a grin, he came to stand at the end by your feet, marvelling at you and your beauty and how you expected nothing as you pouted with your eyes closed.
In a matter of seconds, your eyes shot open only to see a canvas of green obscuring the world as he draped the blanket previously wrapped round his arm over you, ‘accidentally’ covering your face in the process.
A few seconds of stilled silence followed, before you then pushed the edge away to reveal your exaggeratedly-distasteful expression. Your hair had caught and frazzled slightly around your face, and he couldn’t help but smile at the sight. Even if you’d disagree, he thought you looked adorable. And it showed, as he immediately headed over to your side, kneeling so your eyes were closer to level.
“Hello, sweetheart,” he began, a strong arm lifting to allow him to lay a finger upon the top of your nose.
You couldn’t help but grin. “Hey, bub.”
You let him caress the strands of hair from your face, instead taking in the features of his and making sure the moment would be embroidered into your memories forever.
He was so gentle with you, a sweet smile always teasing at his cloudy cheeks. He’d make up for the time you’d lost. Easily.
He was a miracle of sorts, like that.
“Do you feel happier yet?” he murmured, voice so oddly delicate, it was as if he spoke so the world wouldn’t shatter.
Perhaps he was scared you would.
“A lot better, now that you’re here,” you whispered, fingers teasing the seams of the blanket. You continued, almost tentatively, “But you’re not close enough...!”
His expression softened as he seemed to sink into a shade of guilt. “I know, I want to be even closer too,” he edged towards you as if to emphasise his point, fingers coming to rest at your chin, “but I’ve got to go and get our dinner.”
“We’re having takeaway?!” you cried, spirits lifted even further. “What are we having?”
“Your favourite, of course,” he eased his thumb over to your cheek, “but that does mean I have to leave you for a bit.”
You visibly dimmed at that, but Changbin wouldn’t let you get sad again. After all, he had a plan.
His hand left your skin suddenly cool as he turned his eyes down to the floor, picking up something he’d carefully placed there.
“But I don’t want you to be alone, so...” He held up a plush Munchlax and placed him upon the sofa cushion by your shoulder. “I’m leaving Gyu on cuddle duty.”
Your eyes went as wide as the moon once they settled upon the sight of Changbin’s beloved plushie.
You’d never expected him to let you have the small thing, he’d always kept him out of sight and reach.
But here he was, making sure you wouldn’t be lonely. And it would be a lie to say you didn’t have to push down the leap of your heart.
“Gyu!” you exclaimed softly, hands hesitantly peaking out from beneath the blanket to very carefully take him into your arms.
“You’re sure you’ll be ok without me here?” he asked aimlessly. He knew the answer; he saw it in the joy that glistened in your eyes as they settled upon his plushie. He’d kept Gyu away from you for so long, it seemed you’d given up on the hope of actually ever holding the cuddly toy. Why he’d done so eluded not only you, but him too. You’d always expressed a love for the Munchlax as soon as you laid eyes upon him, and you never thought any less of Changbin for having him—it had quite the opposite effect actually. But nevertheless, Gyu was here now, in your arms, reminding you of Changbin and thus love and comfort and home.
“I’ll have Gyu! Of course I’ll be ok!” you asserted. “You should go, otherwise they’ll bin our food.”
He grinned, stroking your temple as he got to his feet, words abandoning him momentarily before he returned to his senses. 
Leaning down, he planted a gentle kiss upon your lips. Sweet as always, it was short and chaste but it did not fail to take your breath away, all while he lingered against the warmth of your smile.
“I’ll be off then,” he mumbled, looking into your eyes as he leant away.
He seemed to hesitate as he mentally convinced himself to drag his legs away from you and head towards the front door. A chance you couldn’t waste.
You reached up and pressed a finger against the bridge of his nose, running it across the smooth curve all the way down to the tip playfully.
“Bye, Binnie,” you giggled, chin nuzzled into the head of the Munchlax.
Unable to hide his soft laughter, he took a hold of your hand, placing a brief kiss upon your knuckle, before finally shifting away from the sofa and striding across the room.
As he passed through the hallway and reached the door and pulled the chair lock across, he glanced back through to catch another glimpse of you.
And that was when he realised the reason why he didn’t want you to have Gyu.
He sighed at himself as he stepped into the cold outside.
Jealous of a cuddly toy. What had he come to.
~~~
AN: Do yall think I’m going to be tumblr famous one day? That would be cool tbh ngl
Hope yall enjoyed!
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chocojjk · 6 years ago
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cafes and pinky promises
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summary: bff! felix → idol! felix ,,, like i said , i suck at summaries 
words: 2.8k
a/n: yall im on a roll, i really don't know why im writing so much these past few days but enjoy,, i hope
not edited, per usual
as you entered your favorite cafe, you never expected to come face to face with the boy who filled up every second of your thoughts
in fact, it was the very boy that has created so many memories with you in this same exact place
you wanted to go up to him, to see how he was doing, ask him how idol life been treating him but you found yourself glued to the floor, unable to move
every single memory with him suddenly flashing in mind
-
the two of you met back in middle school
it was the typical story
you were the new kid in school,
didn't have any friends,,
sat alone at lunch,,,
then one day he came up to you wearing his brightest smile, the freckles upon his cheeks shining up like the stars in the sky
“hi, im felix”
(❁´◡`❁)
and the rest was history
you guys became the best of friends, practically glued to the hip
but let’s skip all that friendship fluff and fast forward to second year of high school
you guys have been best friends for a good four years now
one of the things that you guys love doing is going to the cafe a little out of town
the cafe had free wifi and barely any people so it became a routine to just go there after school and goof around
dont get me wrong, you guys do homework too
#getyoureducationkids
also like #fuckthesystem
anyways,,,,
since you guys were the smartest in your class, it never really took that long to finish homework and instead you guys would just have fun listening to music, telling bad jokes, watching a show on netflix, and sometimes even just playing rock paper and scissors
there’s never a dull moment between the two of you
honestly if it wasn’t for you and felix, the cafe would probably be out of business
even the owner knew you two
she was the sweetest old lady, always giving you guys extra cookies and letting you stay for as long as you can
she would also always joke around about how you two would make the cutest couple, comparing the two of you to her and her husband who were high school sweethearts
being young, the thought first made you wanna vomit
like ew,,, boys are gross
but as you grew older, you started seeing the boy in a different light
the small touches and the hand holding suddenly started to have meaning
everytime he laughed, it was music to your ears
his freckles became the most beautiful thing in the world, and you loved tracing each one of them
sure, you guys have had your own share of petty fights but at the end of the day it did nothing but strengthen the friendship that you two share
there were never any secrets
(((besides of course these feelings that were growing but shh we dont speak of that)))
you knew felix like the back of your hand and vice versa
and you could just see yourself spending every moment with him in the upcoming future
until of course one day,
“y/n, i need to tell you something but pinky promise you won’t get mad?”
“felix every time someone says that, people tend to be mad”
“y/n just pinky promise me you wont”
“ok, i pinky promise, now what is it??”
felix was absolutely terrified
he’s been meaning to tell you this for a while but every time he tried he just couldn't find the words to do so
and god, how he has let time pass him by
“im moving to korea”
you bursted out laughing and felix is confused as heck like?????
whats??
so ???
funny????
“seriously lix, you made me pinky promise not to be mad over a joke??”
you see, pinky promises may seem like a childish thing but it was sacred between the two of you
so when he used it over a joke, you just couldn’t help but let out a few couple giggles
however, as you turned to face him and saw the serious expression written on his face you found yourself at loss for words
“wait, are you serious?”
“yeah”
“wh-when are you leaving?”
“in a month”
“h-how long have you known???”
“ummmm” (´・_・`)
“felix.”
“Since we went to the park”
the park
you remembered that day, it was probably one of the happiest days of your life
you passed your math test with a perfect score and has just become the student body president of your class
on top of that, felix decided he wanted to treat you out for ice cream as he was proud of his best friend
what you didnt know was that this was the day that would change everything
this was the day he was scouted
the day he received the news that he was accepted as a trainee
and hes been finding a way to tell you 
but he just couldn't 
you were completely over the moon
as you guys were sitting on the swings, your hands occupied with your own ice cream cones
felix started talking about his dance team and choir class
you always knew how much he enjoyed those classes
yet as he talked about his passion, his eyes twinkling and his mouth curving into the softest smile, you truly got a grasp on how much your best friend loved music and performing
you can't help but think back to a few days ago, when your friend brought up how much your eyes sparkled talking about felix
you wondered if you looked the same as how felix looked now, talking about the things that he loved to do  
and then it hit you
you were in love with your best friend
god reader, how cliche could you be (●'◡'●)ノ♥
“felix, that was two months ago.”
to say you were mad was an understatement,, you were filled with rage
anger and disappointment all just combining into one
suddenly the future that you clearly saw vanished because every single one of those versions had the boy by your side
“im sorry”
not knowing how to respond, you started packing up your things in your backpack
felix just watching you do so, thinking of things to say to make the situation at hand better
once you stood up, he snapped out of his thoughts, worry completely washing over his eyes
“where are you going?”
“im going home.” you say emotionlessly
“let me walk you”
“no”
and that was the last of it
he tried calling you several times after that yet all he was left with was your voicemail
every time he approached you at school, you would walk the other way
every day he would show up at the cafe hoping to see your face, yet that day never came because you stopped going
you figured it’d be easier to let him go if you just stayed mad at him
you figured that your feelings would automatically go away if you replaced them with hate
but reader, you were so wrong  
the day came when he finally had to go
that day was painfully hard for you
your whole class was bidding him goodbye, and all you could do was watch from the sidelines, your pride way too high to forgive him now
no one really knew about your guys’ fall out as you found it was better to keep things to yourself than become the schools new gossip
and so when everyone started asking you how you felt, you responded with the most generic answers
“whatever makes him happy, im happy”
oh reader, you are such a liar
it wasn't until a year after, that you truly forgave him
and that was because a classmate of yours barged into the room, waving her phone around
“Guys remember felix!, well he’s an idol now!!”
as soon as you got home that day, you searched up his name, and there he was
Lee Felix
Stray Kids
and you realized how stupid you’ve been
you never even bothered asking him why he was leaving
you cried yourself to sleep that night as you look back on the wasted friendship that you threw down the drain
but you figured that there was no point in being sad over it anymore
you were done holding grudges
so the next day you went back to the cafe and binged the survival show that your best friend, well ex best friend, was in
the sweet old day was overjoyed when she saw your familiar face
she asked you where your partner in crime was and with a genuine smile you responded with “he’s out there doing bigger and greater things”
ever since then, you made the cafe a weekly trip
it hurt you to know that you spent your time resenting him so you made a pinky promise to yourself, that even if he didnt know, you would support him no matter what
you ended up buying all their albums
watching their vlives
staying up late for their debuts
hell, you've even gon to the point of making a stan account just to be be updated
-
which brings you to now
you knew that felix was in australia, they were having a concert here
you even got a ticket for yourself, not close enough where he could see you of course
you were still ashamed of your actions even though it’s been almost two years
so when you walked in the cafe and saw him with his 8 buds seated in your guys’ usual spot, you definitely didn't know how to react
seeming as they haven't spotted you yet, you quickly made your way out the door
however, Elise, the sweet old lady, had other plans
“y/n, honey, leaving so quickly?”
and that was when 9 heads turned to the door
all 18 eyes just looking at you
‘fuck y/n okay just act cool’
‘youre fine’
‘maybe they don't even notice you’
‘omg speak’
“y/n?” felix says, his deep voice breaking you out of your thoughts
“felix?? Hi!!!” you say, giving him the biggest fake smile ever
it’s not that you wanted to okay, it was just a very awkward situation and you have no idea how to act
‘smooth y/n, so smooth’
I swear if you could facepalm yourself, you’d be doing so with both of your hands + the hands of the 7 billion people on this earth
“uhm hi?,” he replies, obviously confused as to why you suddenly acknowledged his existence
truth to be told, he was expecting you to ignore him just like all the other times before
“well, won't you look at that, my two musketeers are back together,” Elise butts in, 
“ah, it's just like the old days, would you guys like some cookies???” she says, a soft smile on her face
“no that's okay El, im heading out soon anyways, can i just have the usual caramel macchiato?” you say quickly, ignoring the awkward tension in the air
“sure thing hon”
and as she goes to the back to make your order, you were left with the 9 boys
welp
its now or never
“uhm, when did you get back?”
you ask, your hands automatically playing with the hem of your shirt, a clear sign that you were nervous
“im just here for the week”
“oh,,, nice”
“Yeah”
(>_<)
the other boys just sitting in silence, going back and forth between the two of you
they know exactly who you are, and trust me, they arent your biggest fans
which is exactly why they chose to not break the awkward tension in the air
and you swear, you wish you can just have the earth open up and swallow you whole
“hon, heres your order!”
oh thank god,,
Elise is your savior
even though you wouldnt even be in this situation if it wasnt for her
you quickly grab your drink and make your way out,,, but not before saying
“uhm, it was nice seeing you again lix,” you say, this time, a genuine smile on your face
◐ˍ◑
when felix heard the nickname that you've once given him, he couldn't believe his ears
great job reader, you’ve left him stunned
taking his silence as a response, cause youre kinda a dumbass, you nodded to him and the other boys and left the cafe
however as you made your way to your car
something clicked inside of you
,,,,
fuck it
,,,,
you ran back to the cafe, grabbing the door wide open at the same exact time that felix pushed it open
which caused him to stumble right on top of you, your coffee being thrown a whole meter away
at least it wasn't on your shirt
“omygod im so sorry! are you okay?” he asks, picking you up and checking you for bruises
and youve realized that he hasnt changed one bit
he’s still your best friend felix
the same felix that treats you with so much love and care
the same felix you fell in love with all those years ago
and you couldnt help but let out a tear
this worried felix even more
“what is it?? whats wrong???”
you were blown out sobbing at this point
“Im ๑•́ㅿ•̀๑) ᔆᵒʳʳᵞ ”
“huh??”
“im so sorry felix, i-”
your emotions not allowing you to create a single coherent sentence
but because felix still knew you like the back of his hand, he knew exactly what you were talking about
“lets go inside okay”
all you could do was nod and let him guide you to your usual spot that was now empty
grabbing a couple napkins, he wipes your tears away for you before you finally became conscious of what was happening and took control
“I didnt know you still came to this cafe?” he says, finally breaking the silence
“yeah uhm, i started coming back,”
“why?”
“I-i guess i just missed you”
“I thought you hated me”
“No,” you say quickly, that was the last thing you wanted him to think
“i didnt hate you, i was just angry and sad and i acted upon those emotions. I was stupid, im sorry”
“its okay, i understand, youre not stupid y/n”
god damn it,, 
why is this guy so nice,,
“no felix, it's not okay. we were best friends, i should have talked to you. I-i shouldnt have cut you off like that especially when i didnt even give you a chance to explain yourself”
damn okay reader, admitting to your mistakes, im p r o u d
“Its all in the past now y/n”
“can you forgive me for being a bitch?” 👉👈
This got a chuckle from felix
“as long as you can forgive me for keeping a secret from you” he replies, shooting you a smile
you smile back at him
“ive forgiven you a long time ago lix”
,,,,
,,,,
felix has stopped malfunctioning
“ive missed you,” he says grabbing your hand from across the table and holding it the way he used to
“ive missed you too,,, so much,,, im so proud of you,”
“proud of me?”
“yeah, youve finally done what youve always dreamt of”
“you know?”
“of course i know lix, youre everywhere!”
“it kinda sucks how you know whats been going on in my life and i dont know a single clue about yours”
“I can always catch you up!” you say excitedly, but as you see the sad smile that began to etch his way onto his face, you see that that’s not the case
“busy schedule?” you question
“yeah” he replies, the grip on your hand becoming tighter, almost like he doesnt want to let go
“thats okay, im sure we’ll find some time,” you say maintaining the positive energy
right on cue, chan peeps his head in the door
“Felix we have to go now, i tried convincing them to give you more time but were already running behind schedule”
“aish” felix replies as his tears suddenly made his way down
he gets up and pulls you into a bone crushing hug as you breathe in his scent, taking it all in
“im sorry i have to go so soon”
“thats okay felix, ill always be here”
“i hope i can see you again before I leave,”
“oh dont worry, you will” you say, a big smile on your face
“what do you mean?”
“just watch out for me at the concert, yeah?”
“youre coming???!!!!??”
“yep, already got my ticket!”
and you swear youve never seen felix smile so brightly before
“you pinky promise?”
“I pinky promise.”
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realitysettlesescapism · 5 years ago
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South Korea, Gonghang-Daero, Ganseo-gu
JAL (japan airlines), departure:  Oct. 15 at. 7:45. pm,
arrival:  10:05pm (Seoul (GMP))
weather: 20°C
- I was growing impatient sitting inside the slightly cramped economy class spot, beside window seat, but I believe the feelings I felt that time was only the impatience and excitement. I kept checking the time on my phone and it read 10:25pm. My check in time from my Hotel was supposed to be at 2pm and hoped they did not mind my tardiness. Korean airlines monitor speaker shuts off after welcoming us to South Korea, and the plane finally begins to settle.  My 90s styled light and dark stained blue jean jacket over my pink coat made me feel professional, but because of all what I was feeling made me feel sweaty and eager to take it off. I touch the window and placed a little pressure trying to feel the weather through the thick layered glass. It was cold so I thought I should not take it off until I get to the hotel. The seat belt noise rung from some other speaker indicating we were allowed to take off our seatbelts and ready to board off. I enjoyed the sound of the clicks coming from everyones seatbelts because you knew how eager everyone else wants to get off the same. I watched some people go and gave myself permission for next turn to board off with my stuff, and boy it was heavy. Medium sized black and white luggage that had four little wheels giving me some freedom to glide across to any location, the patterns on it remind me of a lava lamp. I missed having one of those in my room. My pink “Jelly Bean” shoe bag carried my important essentials, and sat on top of the luggage, my two extra sweaters wrapped around the handle. Lastly my small little white hippiesh bag over my shoulder across my body and my small little brown backpack that my sister and I once snuck in a movie theatre that was filled with snacks, before I left to Japan. I miss my sisters...my family. 
I smile at the flight attendants risking the few Korean words I learned in 6 hours. “Annyeonghaseyo,” I said after they did, then politely bowing. It is a scary moment to say anything in another language (especially trying to lean some of it in six hours) to others who have been speaking it their entire lives. I imagine it as one trying to learn Spanish and instead saying “toc-O’s” one would say “tak-o’s” and as someone who is hispanic I admit it is funny but at the same time I do appreciate people learning new language despite the one they know already. I love languages you can learn so much from another because of the different meanings and word placement in sentences and in general. 
The fresh air at last! I step out of the airport escaping all the gorgeous ads from Kpop stars. I search up my hotel address and come to find out it is close by walking distance. 20 mins which is not bad at all, walking back home from school took about an hour or 30 mins on a good day. Little did I know walking is what I would do anyhow from my stay in South Korea. I noticed a French woman around her 20’s I seen before and asked “Hey are you going walking too?” She looked at me and I hoped she recognized me from the airport. “Oh no taking a cab!” I smiled and and said thank you anyway wishing her well. Then these angels! A old couple around their 50s overheard me conversation and told me how expensive the cabs are here. “Thank you so much! I know how expensive they are and decided to walk” I say. They offer me a ride bowing respectfully and think of their offer. At the time I thought how old they are and if they tried anything I can take them on. I was desperate and cold, and super tired...so I eventually accepted. NOTE: DONT EVER DO IT UNLESS YOURE WITH A FRIEND. —Inside their black BMW I gave my address and apologized for burdening them in anyway. “Don’t worry we have a lot of time!” The woman said. I laughed and thanked them again. We carried a conversation and learned they had friends all over the country so they understood my situation too because of their own experiences with traveling. We stopped inside a open alley that leads back onto the roads. The right corner had a store that looked like 7-Eleven and on the left more shops. I get out on the left side and the old man who drove helps with my luggage and gave me the last bit of information to my destination. “Ok thank you so much!” I said. Luckily my Korean GPS app is still on showing me the way without WiFi all this time. I bow respectfully and so does he, then turn my direction to his wife to do the same. I smile and wave a last goodbye but honestly at that moment I felt sad of our quick acquaintance. ———————— I noticed many people were still outside and the weather was overwhelmingly welcoming. My Hotel is in a huge alley made for it and enter it’s magical doors that opened automatically. I’m greeted to front desk. “Hello” i say to the man who looks ready to check me in quickly. “Hi name please?” He politely smiles. I say my name and hold out my passport. He looks away turning around to a folder and looks back passing me a piece of paper from the folder. It was a small piece of paper and assumed it was info about my stay. “Sign please” he points out to the line from the right bottom. I sign away and give back the pen and paper. He grabs a card and passes it to me after. I sigh and grab onto the card key and politely bow thanking him. With heavy shoulders from my luggage I made my way to the elevator. It took me ten seconds to get to my room. My nostrils flared and inhaled the enormous amount of cigarettes once I open the door. I at least try to settle in but...I being a picky person at times said hell no and decided to go down stairs and ask front desk what’s going on? “Oh people smoke all the time here, normal” I nervously smile at his remark. “Haha ok. Thank you. any way I can possibly get a better room? I know I hate to be that person...I just...I don’t know. But if I can then please help me out here” I say eagerly. This guy was friendly and patient because he agreed and said I can stop by the next morning and try everything out then. I went back up and over think a little about my choices. The hotel room was perfect. I was just being a little picky. What did I expect? A jucuzzi? It had a shower head from the gods and a toilet seat so advanced (warm on my ass) that I wished everyone had them. My bed was as big as the sun and I had a flipping washing machine and dryer. Let’s just say the next morning when I tried to get a “better room” it was not better. So guess what. I went back to the original. I mean the room and I practically became attached and best friends. It was perfect. NOTE: ITS BETTER! DONT OVERTHINK.———- part two coming soon———-
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hermannsthumb · 6 years ago
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Okay, but if Newt's the sexy mechanic, then Hermann's the sexy tech guy. Newt will come up to Hermann like "Dr. Gottlieb, my laptop is having some issues. Could you maybe take a look at it, please?" "Newton, I know full well this is a problem you can fix easily." "PLEASE, Dr. Gottlieb? I'd just feel SO much better if someone like ~*you*~ would look at it."
see i saw this ask and automatically decided you meant “tech guy hermann au that’s not even sexy” and ran with it so thank you for enabling me :)
Hermann is not officially campus technology support, nor, technically, is it something he’d even supposed to be consulting in without the proper university-sanctioned credentials, but the technology support they used to have was so bloody awful that half the time computers came back in worse shape than they were going in, so around six months ago Hermann simply...decided to take matters into his own hands. A coup d’état, so to speak. When he’s not lecturing on astrophysics, or lecturing on advanced mathematics, or holding office hours, Hermann’s consulting in technology services and training the undergraduates there via workstudy how to properly do their jobs. 
They’ve had a marked rise in consultations since Hermann took over, which Hermann supposes is to be expected as a side effect of competence.
They’ve had a marked rise in consultations with one man in particular.
Dr. Geiszler is the head of the biology department, lectures in both biochemistry and engineering, and--if rumors are to be believed--completed grad school in his teen years and has at least six PhDs to show for it. By all accounts, he’s a veritable genius. It’s why, for the life of him, Hermann cannot figure out why Dr. Geiszler has come to technology services more times than Hermann can count in the past three weeks.
The first time was understandable: Dr. Geiszler burst into the office shouting, frantically, about how his computer crashed and he lost nearly twenty-five student assignments, so Hermann--pitying him, one educator to another--sat him down and took care of it himself. After that, it was less understandable. Dr. Geiszler’s computer was making a weird noise and he didn’t know why. Dr. Geiszler somehow managed to uninstall his trackpad. Dr. Geiszler accidentally deleted all of his shortcut icons for applications. Dr. Geiszler was sure his wifi was broken, until Hermann pointed out he’d merely turned his laptop’s internet connection off. Dr. Geiszler forgot how to change his desktop background.
Today, when Hermann sees that familiar, scruffy, bespectacled head poking over the counter of the front desk, he does not even bother logging Dr. Geiszler into their appointment system, just sighs and motions him back.
“Hiya, Hermann,” Geiszler says, dropping into the swivel chair next to Hermann but refusing to sit in it properly, simply straddling it backwards. “How’s it going?” Hermann does not, truthfully, mind Dr. Geiszler’s complete lack of professionalism, nor the fact that he bypasses titles and simply calls Hermann by his first name, but Hermann feels as if he ought to put up a front and makes a face every time anyway.
“What have you done today?” Hermann says, and Geiszler laughs weakly before pulling his laptop out of a tote bag that’s more enamel pins than fabric.
“Would you believe it?” Geiszler says. “I managed to delete my email account.”
Geiszler did not, actually, delete his email account--he’d merely logged out of it--and once Hermann shows him this in five minutes Geiszler shakes his head in amazement (like Hermann cured cancer on the spot and not, in fact, merely entered “gmail” into the search bar). “Wow, Hermann,” he says. “You’re so good with computers. I wish I could be that good.”
“You have a doctorate in engineering,” Hermann says.
“And you’re still better than me at this shit,” Geiszler says, and then pats Hermann’s arm like he’s congratulating him. “Congratulations. That’s pretty impressive, dude.” He does not remove his hand. Geiszler has tattoos, Hermann notices. Geiszler also has very strong hands.
Hermann clears his throat. “Dr. Geiszler,” he begins, and Geiszler shakes his head and smiles.
“Just call me Newt,” he says, and squeezes Hermann’s arm lightly, companionably.
“Newton,” Hermann corrects (because he refuses to use that nickname), face heating up for unknown reasons, “I have another appointment, so if you would--”
Newton drops his hand. “Right,” he says. “Sorry.”
Hermann finishes up for the afternoon at one so as to be on time for the lecture he’s got to give at one-thirty, but he’s stopped by the sophomore Physics major who works the front desk on his way out the door. “Just so you know, Dr. Gottlieb,” she says, and Hermann swivels on his cane, “Dr. Geiszler’s almost exceeded his maximum allotted amount of appointments for the month.”
Hermann pulls his glasses up to peer over her shoulder at her computer screen, where she’s pulled up Newton’s data profile; sure enough, Newton has stopped by tech services ten times since January. Eleven times, if Hermann would’ve logged him in today. The maximum they allow per month is twelve, but Hermann can’t remember the last time they had someone make more than four. Newton is a special case. “Should I send him a warning email?” the sophomore says.
“No,” Hermann says. “Don’t bother with the limit for Dr. Geiszler.” He doesn’t imagine Newton’ll pay much attention to the warning, anyway, just plead with Hermann for an appointment until Hermann finally caves in. “You can simply automatically assign him with me.”
A new email pops up in the corner of the front desk’s PC; it’s from Dr. Geiszler. After Hermann nods at her, the girl opens it. “Dr. Geiszler’s requested another appointment with you tomorrow,” she says. “He says...his speakers aren’t working.”
Hermann narrows his eyes. “He requested me?”
“He usually does,” the girl says, and scrolls through the tech services email inbox until she finds a folder marked ‘Dr. Geiszler’ (made at Hermann’s behest). At least eight emails, all after that very first appointment with Hermann, all requesting an appointment with--at first--the full honorary title Dr. Gottlieb, and then devolving into Hermann. “I made him an appointment with someone else one time and he cancelled it.”
“I see,” Hermann says, frowning and--to his surprise--mildly embarrassed. “Yes. Ah. Thank you.”
He hurries out.
When Newton shows up for his appointment the next morning--“I don’t know what I did, Hermann, but the sound just stopped working!”--and it turns out to be yet another easy fix (he had his computer on mute), Hermann decides he’s had enough. “Newton,” he says. “I know full well this was a problem you could’ve fixed easily. All of your problems have been problems you could’ve fixed easily.”
“Yeah,” Newton says quickly, “but, uh, I just feel better having someone like you look at--”
Hermann holds up his hand and cuts him off. “Why are you really here?”
He expects Newton will make some elaborate excuse, but to his surprise, Newton quickly drops his clueless act, shrugs, and grins. “You wanna get dinner?” he says.
“Dinner?”
“With me,” Newton adds. “And on me. If that wasn’t clear.”
“That is,” Hermann splutters, because his first instinct was to give an enthusiastic yes (Newton is messy and scruffy and infuriatingly attractive) but he thinks, reasonably, he should play at least somewhat hard to get, “I don’t. This whole time--?”
“Yep,” Newton says.
“That’s a horrendous abuse of campus resources,” Hermann says, though the past month suddenly makes a great deal more sense, and then, to Newton’s obvious glee, “Oh, yes. Alright. Dinner.”
Newton continues making appointments, but he and Hermann usually spend them in far more conductive ways after that: Hermann’s office is private, after all.
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the--blackdahlia · 6 years ago
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This Life Chapter 17
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Title: This Life Chapter 17
Summary:  Dean Winchester is the Vice President of the motorcycle club The Hunters. After almost 7 years in prison, he's free. But things have changed and Dean has to figure out how to put things back together.
Warnings: Language
AN: Thank you love @sams-serialkiller-fetish . The song for this chapter is Summertime Blues by Joan Jett.
“What are we still doing here?” Ruby asked the morning after the funeral. They were all gathered back at the garage, trying to figure out what to do. “We buried Benny. We should be heading back to California.”
“That requires having to go near Horsemen territory. And we kinda just killed one of their members.” Andy told her. “We’re just gonna stay here for a little bit and figure things out.”
“That’s why I’ve called in some reinforcements.” Meg said.
“Who?” Cas asked. That’s when a yellow AMC Germlin pulled into the lot.
“A friend.” Meg said. “She’s a genius. She can help us keep track of the Horsemen.” A redhead got out of the car with a smile on her face.
“‘Sup bitches.” She laughed.
“Guys, this is Charlie.” Meg introduced her. “She can hack anything.”
“So can Ash.” Cas said, crossing his arms. “You’re just bringing another person into the crossfire.”
“I laugh in the face of danger.” Charlie said, smiling. Cas just rolled his eyes and headed over to where Caleb and Jim were. “Is he always this friendly?”
“Trust me, the Hunters aren’t exactly a warm and loving bunch.” Gabriel sighed.
“One of them was.” Ruby added.
“And Sam’s not too bad.” Lucifer said with a shrug.
“Sam is one of us. Not one of them.” Gabriel pointed out. “So of course he’s awesome.”
“Guys, let’s face it,” Andy said, looking at all of them, even Charlie. “Sam might be one of us, but his true home and family is here in Wolfpine.” He motioned over to where Sam was perched on a stool, watching Dean tune up Baby. “And I have a feeling, he won’t be going back to California with us.”
“So, do I get to meet this mysterious Sam?” Charlie asked.
“Of course sweetheart.” Meg said. “I’ll go introduce you to anyone and then we’ll get you set up.” She led Charlie away from the other Wayward Sons.
“I wonder what she’s supposed to be doing here?” Andy asked, looking at Ruby and the brothers. “I guess we’ll find out.” He said when no one answered him. He made his way over to where Meg was introducing Charlie to some of the Hunters, ready to find out.
****
Charlie was set up in the office by Ellen, typing a mile a minute and looking at reports. Ellen was impressed to say the least. Charlie was a woman on a mission obviously.
“You need a job?” Ellen asked. “I’ve got about fifteen years of files that need typed up and organized right. I’m no computer expert and Jo’s not that fast of a typer.” Charlie laughed some.
“Maybe when I settle down and decide I don’t want to be a grey hat anymore.” Charlie told her. She had a beautiful Blueberry iBook and a Wifi card. So Ellen assumed that she was doing something to make some money. “I heard someone say that they were sending me help?”
“Um, I’m not sure.” Ellen told her. “What do you need help with?”
“Nothing. That’s why I’m confused.” Charlie told her. That’s when a bright orange El Camino pulled into the lot, Lynyrd Skynyrd blaring from it. The engine was cut and music stopped as Ash climbed out of the car.
“Relax everyone, I’m here.” Ash said. Caleb laughed and Cas wenet over to talk to him. A few minutes later, Ash was walking into the office with Ellen and Charlie. “Who’s this?”
“Charlie.” Charlie said to him. “And I don’t need your help.”
“Tracking the Horsemen can be a tough challenge. And I did go to MIT.” Ash said, flipping his hair back.
“MIT? That’s cool. I went to Cornell.” Charlie told him. “And I think I can manage just fine.” Ash flopped down on the dirty old couch that set in the office and got his own laptop out.
“You might be able to handle it just fine, but I want to help anyway.” Ash said. Ellen laughed a little.
“I’m just gonna go find Bobby. It’s getting a little too crowded in here for me.” With that, Ellen left, leaving Ash and Charlie to stare each other down while typing away.
“Watchya lookin’ at over there?” Ash asked, glancing at Charlie.
“Things and stuff.” She said. “You?”
“Updating my stock portfolio.” He said with sarcasm seething.
“Well, if this a competition, may the best woman win.” Charlie said.
“Oh I intend to…” Ash realized what Charlie had said and glared and started in on his search. He was going to win.
****
“Why is Ash here?” Sam asked, looking to where they had set Charlie up. Dean looked over and shrugged, not sure why he was here.
“I called him.” Cas said. “I’d rather have someone from our team working on this. I just don’t trust some of those Wayward Sons.”
“I saw the way you’ve been looking at Meg.” Jim teased. Cas’s face turned red.
“I have not…” Cas said. Bobby laughed.
“Guess Cassie boy isn’t as much as monk as he wants us all to believe.” Caleb announced.
“You guys are all assholes.” Cas said, rolling his eyes. “Anyway, I wanted a backup in case this Charlie isn’t as good as Meg said she is. And I trust Ash more than I trust Charlie.” There was a motorcycle pulling into the lot. Gordon got off his bike and headed to them.
“Hey guys.” He said.
“Hi Gordon.” Bobby said. “What can I do for you?”
“Bike’s making weird noises. Can you check it out for me?” He asked.
“On it.” Dean said, heading over to Gordon’s bike. Gordon looked at Sam and his eyes widened slightly before he plastered a smile on his face.
“Hey Sammy.” Gordon said. Sam frowned more than he already was.
“Hi Gordon.” He grumbled.
“Okay then. Uh, point me in the way of the bathroom?” Gordon asked. Sam motioned to where the bathrooms were and let Gordon on his way. Gordon made his way in and shut the door. He thought Azazel was going to kill the crown prince. Alastair had sent him there to scope out the situation. He noticed Benny wasn’t standing around with them like he used to. So that was one down.
He looked around the small bathroom, wondering what he was supposed to do next. He looked at the sink, ready to splash his face to get his head around everything, when he saw a bracelet laying there. A bracelet he had seen before. It belonged to Sam. An exchange gift when he gave Dean an amulet that was supposed to protect him on runs. Sam had lost it once when Gordon was over and he thought the kid was going to have a panic attack until they found it.
It was perfect.
Gordon pocketed the bracelet. He wasn’t sure why he did, but it seemed right. He gave himself another minute before he headed back out. Dean was wiping grease off his hands talking to Caleb. He looked up at Gordon.
“Just a couple loose wires.” Dean told him. Gordon nodded.
“Don’t have a job for me, do you?” Gordon asked.
“No man. Sorry.” Caleb said. Gordon nodded again and went back to his bike.
“Well, thanks for the fix.” Gordon said, starting up his bike and driving off. Dean looked at the others.
“Something doesn’t sit me right with him.” He said. Sam nodded in agreement. He looked around.
“Anyone seen my bracelet?” He asked.
“Sorry man, I haven’t.” Cas said. “It’ll show up though.”
****
Gordon made it out of Wolfpine and headed to New Mexico. He stopped close to the state line where Alastair was waiting for him. The Horsemen looked like he was ready to fight. Gordon just hoped it wasn’t with him.
“What did you find out?” Alastair asked.
“Everyone was there except for Benny Lafitte.” Gordon reported. “Even Sam.”
“Damn it.” Alastair sighed. “Azazel was a capable leader, but he let his emotions get the best of him.”
“I snagged this.” Gordon said, handing Alastair Sam’s bracelet. “It’s Sam’s. I don’t know if it will do any good or not…”
“I actually think I have a plan.” Alastair said, smirking. “Good job Gordon. You’re definitely a Horsemen.”
Forever Tags: @anathewierdo @i-would-die-for-woodland-demars @dekahg @marvel-af @feelmyroarrrr @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogaruke @xxwarhawk
Dean Winchester/Jensen Ackles Tags: @luciathewinchestergirl @sheris532 @bobasheebaby @flamencodiva @bella-ca
This Life Tags: @soulslaststand @jamielea81 @caplansteverogers @becs-bunker  @colie87
Supernatural Tags: @bandobsession98 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @fangirlsencyclopaediaofweirdness @ilovetardis @missihart23 @cloudyskylines @supernaturalwincestsblog @sams-serialkiller-fetish
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sadprose-auroras · 6 years ago
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‘About Time’ - Roger TaylorxFem!Reader (Part 1)
A/N: Hello my darlings! I can’t decide if I hate this or not, and I’m not sure if I’ll continue writing this, depends on the response. Please let me know if you want me to continue it (it would probably require way more parts, like a full on series). Hope you enjoy! - Also, this can apply to Ben Hardy’s portrayal of Roger. Whatever you prefer!
(This was totally inspired by a couple time travel fics I read a few weeks ago, I can’t remember the authors or the names but all credits to them for the time travel idea…. LOVE. IT. I just HAD to write my own, crappier version)
Find my other works here!
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 You sunk to the floor, your knees giving out beneath you. You felt ridiculous, curling up in a ball, in your wardrobe, but you had reached your breaking point; everything had suddenly hit you. As you hugged your knees, sobbing, your jeans became tear-soaked. Your mind wandered, as your cheeks flamed in embarrassment and shame about your current state, despite nobody being around. How did you get here? A few months ago, your life was great. You had a great job, a great circle of friends and boyfriend, and you were pursuing your passion; studying fashion design. Then, everything began to crumble around you. All your friends turned on you, you got fired, and your studies began to slip as a result, causing you to fail an exam.  
 If all that wasn’t bad enough, you found out your boyfriend of two years had been cheating on you for a year and 11 months. Go figure. It was as if the universe was playing some long, cruel joke on you, just to see how long before you gave up on trying to pursue any kind of happiness. Just as you came to the conclusion that you really had nothing to fight for, leaning your head back on the wall behind you and closing your eyes, the strangest feeling overcame you. Your head began to spin, and pins and needles covered your entire body. You tried to open your eyes, to move your body, but you were frozen. Your heart rate increased rapidly, and you began to think that this was really it. Whatever was happening, you were going to die. Strangely enough, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care.  
 By some miracle, everything stopped. The pins and needles ceased, and, save a throbbing headache, you felt much better. You experimentally wiggled your toes, and you had feeling back again. Hesitantly, you opened your eyes, looking around you. It was dark, but you could make out the shapes of the clothes hanging around you. Oddly, you didn’t recognise any of them. The chair that was next to you when you closed your eyes was gone, replaced by a shoe rack.  
You stood up, closed your eyes again and rubbed your temples, trying to rid of the probable hallucinations. You racked your brain, thinking back to when you studied psychosis in high school. You couldn’t remember a thing. Was temporary paralysis a symptom? 
 You decided you needed to call a doctor. You pulled your iPhone out of your pocket, still in the dark, and opened up safari. You had no wifi, and no reception. Frowning, you opened the wardrobe door, the knob feeling unfamiliar, to be greeted by a figure doing the same. The door swung open suddenly, bouncing on its hinges.
 You both screamed loudly, and, without looking at the figure in front of you, you tried to push past to get away, however, a hand gripped you and pulled you back. 
 Your eyes became fixed on the man in front of you. You frowned, unable to tear your eyes off him. The hallucinations were getting worse; you were conjuring up images of people in your home. Hang on. You knew his face all too well; you had spent hours watching him drum and sing at concerts on YouTube. It couldn’t be, could it?
 “Who are you, and what the hell are you doing in my wardrobe!?” he asked, releasing his grip on you. You winced, rubbing where his fingernails had dug into you. This was all too much.
 “I should be asking you the same thing, why are you in my house? What’s going on?” you looked around the room, expecting to see your familiar bedroom; your posters plastered around the walls, your colourful duvet, and your plush white carpet. Instead, the walls were empty, the duvet was blue, and the carpet was grey.
 “I need to sit down,” you said, overwhelmed, perching on the edge of the unfamiliar bed. You glanced up at the man in front of you, his expression still shocked and wide-eyed, as he looked you up and down, his brows furrowing. 
 “God, you seem so real,” you laughed. “But there’s no way.”“What the fuck do you mean?” he replied. “I know I’m real, but I can’t say the same about you. I’ve never known anyone who can just appear out of thin air,” he shook his head in disbelief. 
 You frowned, rubbing your hands through your hair. “What do you mean, I appeared out of thin air?” your stomach began to sink. For reasons you couldn’t explain, something else was going on. Something much weirder than you initially thought.
 “Well, I don’t see how you could have got into my wardrobe without me seeing. I’ve been in my room for 20 minutes.” You glanced at his legs, frowning. What kind of person wears flared jeans anymore? 
 “I, um,” you began, a laugh escaping your lips despite yourself. This was all too ridiculous. You were actively avoiding eye contact with him. You figured if you acknowledged that it was him, at that age, in front of you, this would all go away. It was impossible. Suddenly, it all came together, as shocking as it was. It wasn’t him that was in the wrong place, it was you. This wasn’t your house. You had no wifi or reception. And, Roger Taylor, looking as he did circa 1972, was right in front of you. Had you time travelled? Your head span at the possibility. What else could explain these strange occurrences? 
 “What year is it?” you asked, this time properly meeting his eyes this time. Photos didn’t do the real thing justice; his baby blue eyes were maintaining steady eye contact with you, his lips were slightly parted, and his hair looked so soft and angelic. He was insanely beautiful. You internally cursed yourself. Now was definitely not the time.  
“1972…” he said, becoming even more confused. Your theory was confirmed. You’d watched all of the Back to the Future movies countless times, but you’d never imagined anything like that could ever really happen. Especially to you; plain, boring, old you. 
 “I know you’re probably not inclined to believe the crazy girl from your wardrobe, but I think,” you bit your lip, concerned at how he would take the news. “I think I’m from the future.” 
----------
 “So, you’re telling me you didn’t do anything for this to actually happen?” Roger asked. After trying to explain to him a million times, that yes, you were in fact just as confused as him, and no, you didn’t climb through his window, you tried to remain patient. He had every right to be confused as hell, you would definitely react the same if you were in his shoes. Despite this though, he was oddly trusting, allowing you to remain in his house and actually giving you the time of day to explain your side of the story. He even offered you a glass of water and something to eat, which you accepted gratefully. You were starving. 
 “Yes, I was literally just in my wardrobe, then the next thing I knew we were screaming in each other’s faces.” 
 “How do I know you’re telling the truth? You don’t seem very sane so far. I’m going to need some proof. You could just be a crazy girl who will do anything to sleep with me,” he smirked. You rolled your eyes. So the stories were true, he really was cocky.
 “Don’t flatter yourself, Taylor,” you retorted. “And no,” you said quickly, as he opened his mouth to speak, “I don’t know your surname because I’m a crazy stalker.” Your mind wandered to your extensive Queen record and CD collection. Okay, so maybe you were a little, but he didn’t need to know that. 
 “I know because Queen makes it big. I mean, massive.” You bit your lip nervously. If Back to the Future taught you anything, nobody should know too much about their own future. For the first time in your life, you had to think about what you said before you said it.
“How can I convince you?” you asked.
“I don’t know,” he sighed. “What year do you claim to come from, anyway?”
“2019,” you bit your lip. 
His eyes widened in disbelief. “Shit,” he mumbled. “Am I….?”
 “Still alive? Yeah.” Suddenly, you had an idea. You pulled your phone out of your pocket, thankful it was still charged. You turned it on, the time and date you had left still displayed on the screen (18th January 2019, 11:00), in front of a picture of Queen from 1975. You turned the screen towards him. 
 “Holy shit, is that me?” he gasped, leaning forward. “2019.” He looked up at you, and you shrugged and nodded. You were thankful he didn’t know the implications of having a picture of somebody as your lockscreen. 
 “There’s something else,” you unlocked your phone, opening music and searching for ‘Doing Alright.’ You pressed play, the song pouring out of the speakers.
Yesterday, my life was in ruin
Now today, I know what I’m doing… 
“Oh my god, that’s our song! We haven’t even released it yet.” He chuckled. You couldn’t help but grin at his excitement, encapsulated by his gorgeous smile. 
 “Wanna hear more?” you smirked. It’s funny, you had never felt so comfortable around somebody so quickly. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but something about him relaxed you. 
----------
 “Have you noticed I haven’t asked about that thing you’re holding, ‘cause I’m too scared to?”
 You laughed, covering your mouth with your hand. You’d spent the last half an hour playing Roger a few more Queen songs. A small nagging voice in the back of your mind was telling you to stop, to not reveal anything about his future, no matter how small. But Roger’s pleading to hear more won.
 “It’s actually a phone,” you said, to answer his question. “Well, that’s its main purpose anyway. You can use it to take and store pictures, play music, and use the internet. Which, well, you’ll find out about in approximately 18 years.”
 “I’m intrigued, what’s the internet?” he asked. You thought of all the unspeakable things you had come across on social media, and shook your head.“You don’t want to know.” He raised an eyebrow at you, and you tried to suppress a blush.  
You cleared your throat, averting your eyes from him as you straightened up in your seat. “What’s the time?” you asked. He glanced down at his watch. “3am,” he laughed in disbelief. “We should probably get some sleep. I’ll sleep on the couch.” 
 You shook your head rapidly, taken aback by his utter kindness. “Oh my god no, please, I will. It’s your house,” you said, getting up from the chair you were sitting on. He did the same. You both stood awkwardly, basically staring at each other. You couldn’t help but think of the times you watched a Queen documentary on TV, with the Roger of your time’s commentary. It was hard to believe the man in front of you was the same person.  
 He cleared his throat, tearing his eyes off you, and going into his bedroom, mumbling something about getting something for you to sleep in.  
 As you awaited his return, you couldn’t help but wonder why you were so focused on how flustered you were around Roger, and not worried about the fact that you were literally stuck in the wrong year, and had no idea how to get back. The funny thing was, you had no desire to. You hadn’t felt so at home in a long time, than when you were laughing and talking with Roger. He made you feel so safe, so quickly. And that feeling would only grow stronger when you both gave up on convincing the other to sleep on the couch, and ended up sharing his bed. 
PART 2: BONUS CONTENT THAT I WROTE THE SAME DAY AS PART ONE. I’M NOT GOING TO CONTINUE IT BUT WHAT’S THE POINT OF HAVING IT IN A WORD DOC N NOT POSTING IT?
When I was writing this, I couldn’t stop imagining rom-com moments. Like, the outfit section? A cute montage with a cute song. Damn I wish I could express the images in my head more clearly, in words. My writing sucks. 
“Y/N, wake up. Y/N!!” A familiar, yet foreign, voice startled you. As you came to your senses, you realised your usual soft, silky sheets were replaced with cotton ones, and an unusual smell wafted around you. You slowly opened your eyes, to be greeted by Roger leaning over you, a slightly annoyed look on his face. Fuck. It was real. He must’ve read your disappointment on your face, and he smiled sympathetically and nodded.
“Yep, you’re still here,” he mumbled. You couldn’t help but sigh; you’d hoped it was a really long, unusual dream.
“I have to go to rehearsal for a gig tonight. Do you wanna come?” Of course you didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to meet the rest of the band, and literally see the magic happen, you couldn’t help but feel like you were invading. But then again, who could say they had the chance to sit in on an early Queen rehearsal, especially knowing how successful and impactful they were going to become?
“I don’t – I don’t want to intrude,” you mumbled, sitting up in the bed and clutching the duvet around you, suddenly feeling exposed in Roger’s white shirt.
“Well it’s your choice, I understand that you probably don’t want to sit around with us when you could be finding a way back home or finding your parents or something,” he said.
Although you would never admit it, you wanted nothing more than to go with him. Not only was it literally history in the making, but the absence of your birth parents in your life, leading to a childhood of foster families who couldn’t care less about you, gave you a sense of independence at a young age. You knew how to be alone, seeking solace in music. Music created by the greats like Queen made you feel less alone, as silly as it sounded. It was your escape from the struggles in your real life.
“Wait, no. I want to come. If you don’t mind. But I need something 70s appropriate to wear,” you chuckled, glancing over at your high-waisted skinny jeans and cropped knit jumper folded neatly on a chair.
“I think that can be arranged.” Roger grinned at you, and you were struck with yet another wave of disbelief. Roger Taylor was going to lend you come of his iconic clothes.
After spending a couple of hours going through Roger’s clothes, which was your absolute dream, you finally settled on a pair of pants that were a little too short, and a shirt that was slightly too tight across the chest. You tried to spice up the outfit with a few of Roger’s necklaces, much to his dismay.
“Do I look okay?” you asked when you stepped out, twirling around with your arms out.
Roger, standing with a pile of clothes in his arms that you had rejected, furrowed his brows and looked you up and down. You couldn’t help but stifle a giggle at the sight; he was taking his job as your stylist very seriously.
“You’ll almost fit in,” he said, “although, the shirt is too tight,” he finished bluntly, gesturing to your chest. You folded your arms instinctively.
“Don’t worry, I won’t look at your boobs.” You frowned at this. Was that meant to make you feel better? Why did you feel slightly disappointed?
“Um, thanks?” you scoffed. “What should I do with my hair?” you tugged on each of your French braids. Roger walked towards you without warning, and pulled out your hair ties, running his fingers through your hair.
“Just leave it loose.” He said hoarsely, his face dangerously close to yours. Your heart was beating rapidly, and you couldn’t take your eyes off him. He was biting his lip in concentration, his eyes squinting as he adjusted your hair. It took everything in you to not lean into his touch; his fingers were so delicate. As he pushed a strand of hair out of your face, his eyes met yours.
“Perfect,” he almost whispered, his breath sending shivers down your spine. You knew you should pull away. You knew this would get way too complicated. Your rationality was telling you to snap out of it. But as his hands smoothly came to rest around your neck, bringing you closer, something else entirely was driving your actions.  Just as you began to lean in, he pulled away, clearing his throat loudly.
“Let me get you a coat,” he said, quickly rushing away from you. You bit your lip, cheeks flaming. You were humiliated. What were you thinking, trying to kiss him? He obviously wasn’t attracted to you; the weird, pathetic crazy time-traveller. You didn’t even belong here anyway, how could you possibly think he would want you? Your eyes began to well up, you just had to get out of there.
As you quickly began to gather your clothes and phone, furiously wiping the tears from your eyes, Roger returned with a fur coat in his arms.
“Here, this should fit – wait, what’s wrong?” he asked, realising your state.
“I’m just gonna go. I’m so sorry to have invaded your life like this, you shouldn’t have to deal with my weird ass problems. Thank you for everything. It was nice meeting you, I guess. I’ll never forget you,” you rambled, becoming increasingly embarrassed, trying to walk past him. He gently placed his hands on your upper arms, turning you to face him.
“Hey, hey, I don’t have to help you, okay? I want to. If you’ll let me.” he said, a surprisingly vulnerable look on his face.
“But, I’m burdening you too much! You can’t have me holding you back from living your normal life. You don’t want me clinging to your side like some kind of….” You paused, struggling to find the right words in your frazzled state. “Some kind of leech. I mean, I’m just annoying. For God’s sake, we have nothing in common! I’m technically young enough to be your daughter!”
Roger laughed softly. “Okay, first of all, you’re not a leech. And yes, it’s weird that you’re from the future, and I’ll probably never wrap my head around it, but so what? We shouldn’t get along, but we do.” You hoped he couldn’t notice your blush at this.
“And, lastly,” he said, a cheeky smirk on his face, “the thought of you being my daughter is gross, but me being your daddy on the other hand…”
“Oh my god, Roger! No!” you couldn’t help but laugh, as you rapidly shook your head. You couldn’t tell if he was joking or not; you secretly hoped he wasn’t.
“So, do you still wanna come to rehearsal?” he asked, all joking aside.
You sighed, hoping you weren’t being a burden. “Okay, give me that then,” you grabbed the coat off him, pulling it on.
“Do I look normal?” you asked.
“No,” he smirked, and you raised your eyebrows at him. “In a good way, though. Come on,” he said, grabbing your hand. You tried to ignore the jolts of electricity you felt from this sweet gesture. You never thought simply holding hands with someone would give you so many butterflies.
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thatlittlered · 6 years ago
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Burning Desire | Tres
Summary: A late night at some trashy bar gets John a whole lot more than he bargained for but he’ll have to put on a fight just to keep it.
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Series Masterlist.
John fell asleep to a goddess that night. Light and cat-like while nesting by his side but warm enough to make his heart burn; the most bittersweet sensation. His cotton sheets that’d feel so cold all these long years now felt like satin, just like your skin. They too shared your heat and he relished in how they brushed against his body.
He watched you for hours and wondered to himself if there should ever be a word to describe you. He’d call you enchanting, captivating or rather, marvelous. No single word would do you justice, of course, for as you settled on his chest you were Aphrodite; the foam-born goddess herself somehow lost in his bed.
And he felt undeserving, he did. John thought himself solemn and sullen and ugly as can be but you wanted him apparently and that was good enough to put him to ease for now. He fell asleep to soft breathing in his ear and lovely skin under his palms that night.
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There is a fleeting moment when he’s whole again but it evaporates faster than summer rain off the scorching hot asphalt outside. Then his lids that were drooping and leaden with sleep snap open as violently as if there had been sirens wailing.
The sweat trickles down his back, beads on his forehead and drips from his chin as if the sun had been burning above him the whole night. Still, he feels the chill in his blood, coldness bringing the synapses of his brain to a standstill. That’s when he notices the sheets around his hips are freezing and the spot next to him is empty as it gets.
Your scent clings there. Powdery rose that’s engraved in his brain now.
Blinking away any remnant of sleep, John rises from the bed only to be met with deathly silence and the familiar sound of scratching downstairs. Bleu tends to get a bit uneasy when the house is too quiet for too long. And fuck, he hasn’t been fed for hours.
With a heavy step and an even heavier heart, John is down the stairs in an instant. The dog is manically working on chasing down his chew toy only to quickly push it away with his feet before grabbing it once more in his mouth. He almost laughs at the dog’s idiocy.
To his surprise, Bleu’s bowls are brimming with water and food; some of it already half-gone judging by the specks of kibble on the Bull Terrier’s snout. He’s pretty sure he didn’t do that himself and the mere gesture makes John crack a smile, secretly hoping that you didn’t run as he suspected.
He searches for you, following a trail of roses and peony that seems to lead him everywhere and nowhere all the same. Every inch of the house is covered in it like it was sprayed on the walls just to torture him.
 But of course, no sight of you.
When he finally gives up, he ends up in the shower, aching to get rid of any trace of you still on his skin. The light in the bathroom is bright and sterile, lacking even a trace of warmth. Every mark on his skin shines like a beacon and without clothes on, there is nowhere to hide from the truth of last night. Your nails have left marks and they burn on his back, lost somewhere between his tattoos but he loves it.
Despite the loud stream of water, all he can hear are your moans in his ear. Soft but sinful, like you. He feels your lips on him like a ghost. The brush of your fingers on his rib cage…
When he finds your earring tangled in his sheets, he decides he’s had enough.
He needs to find you.
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Tags: @homesoutofhuman @fandoms-pizza-wifi-ym13 @morningriseghost
 A/N: I’m using @johnsbleu’s and @keanubot’s wonderful headcanon about John naming his dog Bleu. I’m hoping they don’t mind. Go check out their amazing writing.
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faketextstuff · 6 years ago
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The Arrangement PT5
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Summary:: You’ve never imagined yourself being a sugar baby but because of some playful friends and a stroke of luck, you find yourself with a man who is apparently willing to give you the moon and stars. The only problem is, no strings attached. Don’t catch feelings, don’t fall for a man who thinks money can solve all your issues and doesn’t want commitment outside of the contract.
Warnings: Angst
Pairing: Yoongi x Reader
A/N:: I’m not happy with this chapter at all. I rewrote it 4 times and it still turned out like crap. I promise the good stuff is coming I just needed to introduce a few more people and give a bit of angst. I guess if you guys want a part 6 let me know. I’m sooooooo sorry this part isn’t good at all.
The next day went on as normal. Only a few texts from Yoongi throughout your day, a simple “Good morning, babygirl” and around lunch you got another text “Cant wait to see you tonight. Dont be late.” That was about it. He didnt call, to which you were glad. You were not allowed to have cellphones out at work but you still kept yours deep inside your apron at work. The closer it got time to get off, the more anxious you became. Were you really going on a date with your sugardaddy tonight? What was he expecting of you? What were you expecting of him? How was this relationship going to work. Your mind was a buzz with all the questions and causing you to become very distracted at work.
Shockingly today was much busier than a normal day. Your regular customers came in, but in the back booth near the restrooms sat a man you had never seen before. You remembered seeing him come in not long after your shift started and now you had been working for seven hours and he was still there. He had his laptop open and was busily typing away at something. It wasn’t uncommon for college students to come in and take advantage of the free Wifi your restaurant provided, but no one ever stayed for seven hours!
You chose to let the man be, and continue working the best you could. It was your last table of the night and you were carrying a tray full of half consumed glasses of red wine away from the table when out of no where, a customer pushed out their chair in front of you causing you to stumble and pour the whole tray of drinks all over yourself and the floor. A few droplets landing on the customer’s expensive looking white shoes.
You gasped, glancing down at your own red stained white shirt. “I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU! YOU CLUMSY OAF!” The customer wailed, intent on causing a scene.
“I’m so sorry!” You pleaded, bowing your head deeply in regret. “Are you alright?” You asked, glancing up through your now wine soaked hair.
The lady who had bumped into you was a rather beautiful woman. She had dyed blonde hair and appeared to be wearing expensive clothing that you had only ever seen in magazines. Her face was caked in make up but she still looked amazing and very elegant. Her expression, however, was cold and unforgiving as she glared daggers at you.
“No I’m not okay!” She squealed as everyone in the restaurant grew quiet and turned to see the scene unfolding before their very eyes. “These shoes cost a fortune and your clumsy little ass just ruined them!”
You weren’t sure how, but you managed to bow even lower, your cheeks flushing from embarrassment. “I’m so sorry. I can pay to have them replaced.” This caused the lady to scoff and wad up her napkin, throwing it in your face. “As if a lowly server like you could afford even half of what it’ll cost to replace these shoes. They were a gift! You cant replace memories!”
Her words stung and burned like a fire. You knew you were well off but did she have to insult you like that? In front of so many people. “I’m so sorry.” You muttered as your boss pushed his way over towards you and the irate customer.
He stood next to you and bowed deeply. “I am the owner of this establishment, may I ask what just happened?” He asked, sending you a glare the moment you decided to glance over at him. You knew right away he wouldn’t have your back. He never had your back and he had been looking for legit reasons to fire you. The two of you had never had a good relationship since the day you refused to put up with his sexual harassment. He didn’t take well to your rejection but you both had agreed to at least try and work in peace. He’d leave you alone and not fire if you never spoke of his failed advances. Of course he never did anything physical, just a few lewd comments here and there and lingering eyes that made you uncomfortable.
“I’ll tell you what happened!” The lady screamed, pointing a well manicured finger at you, a look of disgust etched on her face. “Your employee just spilled red wine all over my shoes! These are irreplaceable!” Her voice quivered now as she spoke. Clearly she was putting on a show for your boss who was clearly buying it by shooting you glares every so often.
“It was an accident, I didn't mean to ruin her shoes.” You muttered in a small voice, your anger was building up with each passing minute.
Your boss just held up a hand, signaling you to stop speaking that moment. The angry look in his eyes turning into something much more sinister. You averted your gaze to the floor and you were sure that you would be looking for a new job in just a few short hours, he had been searching so long for a legit reason and this woman's rage would fit right into his plans. “I apologize miss, we normally dont allow such foolish mistakes to happen in our establishment. Rest assured I will make sure this never happens again.”
The lady scoffed and grabbed her coat from the back of her chair, tossing the expensive material over her dainty shoulders.  As she opened her mouth to speak, another voice came from behind you. “I believe you're overacting, Miss. It was clearly an accident on this young woman's part. Yours however is debatable.”
As you turned your head, you saw the man who had been sitting alone in the back booth all day walking up to the three of you. His smile was bright and very inviting, however his tone didn't match his warm friendly smile. His voice was dripping with venom as he spoke, standing right behind you. His dark gaze never once faltering from the woman's. You turned your eyes back to the women who had a deer in headlights look on her face, her face going pale. “Hoseok?” She muttered out, her body visibly tensing.
“I saw you watching this woman gathering up those wine glasses and you waited until she got right behind you to push your chair out. To anyone it would appear that you set up this girl to spill the wine all over herself.” The man spoke again, his head tilting to the side slightly.
“That’s ridiculous, Jung Hoseok!” The lady snapped back. Mention of the man's name caused the restaurant to erupt into whispers.
Your own eyes went wide and your head shot over to the man behind you, sure enough this was Jung Hoseok. You had seen him on TV many times, he was a famous dance instructor that was the head and face of many dance colleges and he worked with all the best idols, mapping out their dances. If anyone was dancing, it was normally to his choreography.
“I think I can provide several people who would agree that a childish stunt like this isn't beneath you, Caroline.” Hoseok's eyes narrowed and his tone lowered, making him sound much more threatening. “Shall I call one of them now? I'm sure he'd love to get this phone call.”
The lady, “Caroline”, quickly shook her head and grabbed up her purse. “No. That wont be necessary.” She spoke in a hurried tone before glancing at your boss. “I'll forgive this incident once, make sure this doesn't happen again.” She snapped before walking past you, intentionally knocking your shoulder with hers as she walked past, causing you to stumble back into Hoseok who placed his hands on your shoulders. Making sure you didn't fall.
Once Caroline walked out of the door your boss turned to you, his eyes burning with rage, “Miss L/N, please come to my office. I need to speak with you in private.”
“Hold on a second, don't take this out on her. She's innocent.” Hoseok once again came to your rescue, placing himself between you and your boss.
“It's okay, sir.” You spoke softly, bowing lowly to him. “Thank you for your assistance and sticking up for me.” Before he could open his mouth to speak you quickly followed your boss towards the back where you knew the fate that awaited you beyond the old wooden doors. Once inside and locked away from the public, your boss let loose a string of verbal assaults that had your eyes brimming with tears. He scolded you for being noticeably distracted all day, for being careless enough to clear a table that wasn't in your section that resulted in the scene that just unfolded. Every time you tried to defend yourself, he shot you back down with something else you had done wrong in the past, it wasn't a long list but with the venom in his voice it almost had you painted to be the worst server he had ever had the misfortune of working with.
“I swear to god, Y/N! I don't know where your head is but causing a scene today in front of everyone, especially in front of Jung Hoseok, is unforgivable! I know you've worked hard in the past but I cannot allow you to continue working here after something like that.” He sighed while rubbing his temples.
You brought your hands up and wiped away the tears that managed to slip down from your eyes. A soft sniffle coming from you. “Please don't fire me. I can't afford to lose my job right now. I'm already behind on this months rent...and last months. What happened today was an accident and it clearly wasn't my fault.”
“Your financial problems are not my concern! My only concern is making this restaurant grow and gain more popularity. How do you think it's gonna effect business to see if that woman leaves a nasty review of our establishment? I cannot allow this to happen. I'm sorry, but...” He paused, shaking his eyes as he pulled the paychecks from his desk, handing you an envelope that had your name on it. “This is your last full check from us. If you want, keep the tips you've earned from your tables, but that is all I can do for you. Please collect your things and go home. I'll mail you your final paycheck next week.”
You stood there in shock for a few moments before stepping forward, snatching the paycheck from his hand. “Don't play dumb, you firing me has nothing to do with what happened today. You wanted me gone since I refused to suck your dick for better hours. You can take this job and shove it up your stuck up, wannabe rich boy ass. Good luck finding an employee that'll work the shit hours you gave me for such little pay. You alone will run this place into the ground, not one crazy lady's bad review.”
You surprised yourself with the rage that flowed from you as you snapped at your boss who sat there slack jawed and wide eyed at your little outburst. You didn't even give him time to speak before turning swiftly and rushing out of the office. You had to get out of there, fast and now!
After grabbing your things, you ran out of the restaurant, angry tears falling down your face as you stomped away from the building. You didn't get far until you noticed Hoseok waiting by the curb beside a large black SUV, and he wasn't alone. Next to him stood the one man who weren't expecting to see, at least not for several hours, Yoongi.
Time seemed to stand still the moment his eyes locked onto yours. His expression was a mixture of anger and sadness the moment he saw you. He stepped away from Hoseok and slowly made his way over to you. His large hands going up to cup your face the moment you tried to look away. The pads of his thumbs wiping away the fresh tears that began to stream down your face. “Babygirl.” He sighed, tilting your head up so your eyes met his.
As your eyes met his, your lower lip quivered and unable to stop yourself you stepped forward, wrapping your arms around him. You weren't sure why but in this moment, all you wanted was a hug from him. Something to comfort you and make you feel even an ounce better. You hated showing a man you hardly knew this moment of weakness but you were scared. You were now jobless and if you couldn't pay rent, soon you'd be homeless. You half expected him to pull away from you so you just held him as tight to your body as you could and buried your face in his suit coat.
He never pulled away, much to your surprise, instead he wrapped both his arms tightly around your shoulders and held you tight to his chest, his chin resting on your shoulder as he rubbed your back soothingly. “It's okay, baby. I got you.” He muttered softly into your ear.
“W-Why are you here?” You managed to ask, trying desperately to dry up your tears.
“Hoseok is a friend of mine. He called me and told me what happened. I was on this side of town so I had to come check on my girl.” He muttered, his fingers running up and down your back slowly causing you to relax in his arms. You found it odd that a friend of Yoongi's happened to be at your restaurant only hours after the contract signing but honestly, in this moment you could careless. You were just glad he showed up to check on you. “I can explain everything in the car. Let me take you home so you can get a shower.”
You shook your head and turned your head so your cheek was pressed to his chest, your ear right over his heart that you could hear was beating extremely fast. “I don't care, I'm just glad you're here right now.” You confessed. His arms around you giving you a gentle squeeze.
“I'll always be here for you, Babygirl.” He sighed before pulling away slightly, his hand gently taking yours as he pulled you towards his car. “Let's go. I want to hear everything from you in the car.”
Nodding, you slid into the open back door before giving Hoseok a sad smile. Yoongi went to get in after you but paused just long enough to turn towards his friend, his expression hardening for just a moment. “Find Caroline. I don't care what it takes, find out where that bitch is staying.” He hissed. You were a bit taken back at the tone Yoongi used but said nothing.
“I will. Leave it to me.” He nodded before shutting the door after Yoongi got into the back with you.
He instructed the driver to go by just telling him to go home. The two of you sat in silence for a long moment, his hand still gripping yours. You turned your hand so your fingers laced with his as you two just sat there both looking of opposite windows. Your free hand was wiping away the remainders of your tears before you turned to look at him. “Who is she?”
Yoongi sighed softly and lowered his head for a moment, not once looking over at you. “She's a virus. One that keeps popping up.” He muttered, just jaw clenching slightly. “Remember how I told you that the contract was to help protect you from my former women? Well, she's the main one.”
“Oh..” You muttered while glancing down at your hand that was still held in his, your heart dropping down into the pits of your stomach.
“Somehow she found out who you were and went after you instead of me. How she found you so quickly, I don't know. Normally she goes after me and tries to get in me a scandal. I'm so sorry. I intended on keeping you out of this. I didn't think she'd go as far as to show up to your work.” He glanced over to you and with his free hand, he placed two fingers under your chin and lifted your head so he could see your face. “That's why I had Hoseok watching out for you. I was worried about your safety. I came as soon as he called me saying she was there but she was long gone by the time I got there.”
“It's not your fault. My boss was looking for a reason to fire me, she just gave him the out he needed to get rid of me.” You sighed, scooting over closer to him so you could rest your head on his shoulder.
Yoongi stiffened and let out a low sigh of frustration. “He fired you? After Hoseok told him it was all her fault?”
You nodded and just sighed softly. “I came onto me once and said he'd pay me more and give me better hours if I agreed to sleep with him, of course I refused so he always wanted me gone since then.”
“I'll kill him.” Yoongi growled softly, his hand releasing yours as he wrapped his arms almost protectively over your shoulder and pulled you closer to him.
“Don't get upset. It was a long time ago.” You shook your head and nuzzled closer into his side, the chill from the still soaked shirt making you shiver. “He'll get whats coming to him in the end. One day some will put him in his place and he'll lose everything he's worked for. The only reason I endured it was because it's so hard for find a job these days.”
Yoongi moved so his head was resting on top of yours, his fingers playing with the sticky strands of your hair. “I can help you until you get back on your feet.”
“I dont want your money, Yoongi. I got myself into this mess I can figure a way out.”
This caused him to laugh softly and turn his head so his lips brushed against the top of your head. “Babygirl, you still haven't figured out this sugardaddy thing have you? I signed a contract to pay you and take care of you while you give me company. Helping you in what I'm going to do. I'm also going to protect you from Caroline. I swear she wont get close to you again. Once I find her I'm gonna make sure she's locked up in a nice padded room where she cant hurt anyone again.”
You smiled softly for the first time that day since you received his text messages and just closed your eyes. For a moment you felt better, like even though you lost your job, that everything was going to be okay as long as you had this man by your side. Which was an odd feeling for you since you had only just met him.
The rest of the car ride went on in silence until you found yourself back at his office building. “What are we doing here?” You asked with an arched brow, your head lifting from his shoulder. “I thought you were taking me home?”
“I never said your home, babygirl. You got to go in, get a shower and then I have a friend who is going to take you someplace nice so you can get ready for our date tonight. You've had a rough day so for the rest of the day you're about to be pampered like the queen you are until I come to get you.” He smirked slightly.
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thisorthatbi · 6 years ago
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Alright so my WiFi is being kinda sucky rn so I'm not sure if you already got this ask or not (if you did, feel free to delete this one). I think I might be the 🐇 anon cuz I did use this emoji but then decided to go with another emoji at one point but now I'm not sure I actually did. Did I send you a three part ask with the third one being kinda short compared to the other two? If I am that anon, thank you so much for notifying me. I really appreciate it ❤️
i got a two part ask from a 🐰 anon (that wasnt actually on anon so i havent published it and ive sent the person a dm) so idk if that was you?? if not then i dont think it got any of your asks because that was the first bunny anon ive gotten (if you search my blog for kays emoji anons you’ll see the ones that have been claimed already)
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iceice-baeby · 7 years ago
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Chapter 1 - Now finally uploaded properly
I finally managed to get WiFi on PC now, so I can upload the first Chapter of the story I was trying to write! Maybe it will stay at one Chapter, I dont know yet. Either way though! I hope you enjoy! Ships: So far NedCan and planned CuCan, with Nyo Canada Human AU
(Also, @mmd-ask-italy, that would be my example of a fanficiton I wanted to read, and so I wrote it myself :3 Maybe you can get a bit of inspiration out of it? Either way, I hope I could be of help ^^)
Abel Lauwens was Dutch. He and his siblings were the owners of a little flowershop, and respected citizens in their part of the city. The where loved by their neighbours for being calm, quiet and, sometimes, Laura would even gift them some of their flowers for special occasions. Abel Lauwens was pretty well off, and had a good talent for money. He made more money than it would, normally, be even possible for such a small shop. Also, he was currently bleeding out openly on the street. His breath was heavy, and by now, the bright light of the street lantern burned painfully in his eyes. He knew that this street wasn’t busy this late, and his chances of being found in time where slim at best. By now, he wished that he wouldn’t have kept his phone in his front pocket where the knife had effortlessly went through. Though he doubted that, whoever had done this, would have kept his phone intact either way. With disdain he felt his blood slowly turning into a small puddle under his body, and for a short moment, he felt pissed. Even if he survived, this suit had been expensive, and it was ruined by now for sure. The most disdain, however, he felt at the thought of not warning his siblings from this. And before he slowly lost his consciousness, the last thing he felt was sadness at the thought of them seeing him like this. By the time he heard distant words, calls from a soft, calm voice, he couldn’t bring himself to listen closely enough anymore, and his sight went black. Abel hadn’t thought he would ever wake up again, and so, when he opened his eyes and looked at a beautiful, soft smile framed in golden curls, his first thought was the wrong one. He chuckled lightly as he looked into a gentle face. “I didn’t thought I would go to Heaven…” Just when the expression of the young woman slowly changed to surprised, and blushing at last, he slowly noticed that her white clothes where not an angels dress. It was a clean, white coat of a doctor, and he quickly noticed the name tag on it as he slowly felt embarrassment. The woman in front of him laughed awkwardly, and she took a small step back. “Well… you are not in Heaven, thanks to me, I suppose. You did come dangerously close though, you had lost a lot of blood and had quite the wound, it will certainly leave a scar.” Her voice was warm and calming as she spoke, tainted with a faint French accent, and slowly raised one of her hands. “My name is Doctor Marguerite Williams, and I was the one who found you, and brought you to the hospital.” Abel was still embarrassed when he shook her hand, but he hoped that his expression didn’t show it. Though, he couldn’t stop the light blush when the Doctor laughed softly and added: “Also, I am not an angel, still flattered though.” He looked quickly to the side, hoping she wouldn’t notice, and tried to distract quickly. “I am surprised someone still found me. The street isn’t visited a lot, only leads to a few fancy apartments. I was sure I would be found tomorrow morning at best.” Doctor Williams nodded seriously in return, and her expression slowly changed to more professional. “I was on my way back home from a late shift, and wanted to visit my father for the weekend when I found you. I tried to keep you conscious, but your wound was… quite serious, and you had lost consciousness already. You where really lucky that you made it to the hospital in time, you needed to be treated immediately.” She tilted her head, and looked at him concerned. “I also need to know if you can remember who did this to you. I didn’t let the police in to talk to you yet, you needed your rest. But someone did try to kill you, that much is obvious, and my questions are who and why.” She took a seat beside his bed, and Abel crossed his arms in disdain, even if it still pained a bit to rest them on his chest. He didn’t knew either who was it, though he could take a guess. However, the question as to why he couldn’t answer especially. He wasn’t sure how much the Doctor would actually tell to the police, so he simply shrugged in response. “I don’t know who it was. I was just on my way back home when that guy just appeared out of nowhere and stabbed me.” He lied easily, always ready to tell such a story just in case, and tried his best to appear shocked. “I was just on my way back home from visiting a friend, and then this…” She nodded lightly, and bit her lip in thought. “Okay, I should have guessed. The money from your wallet was missing, it was probably a robber.” A sigh left her lips, and she looked up at Abel serious again. “It may seem a bit ridiculous to tell you that, but everyone should be careful when going out at night, even if they wouldn’t appear as an easy victim to robbery and theft. I would recommend to go out when it’s still day, or at least take busy streets back home.” “It is cute how worried she sounds”, thought Abel to himself, before she smiled softly once more, and his pulse went up for just a short moment. “Be careful from now on, alright? I don’t want to see you here soon again!” He gave her a faint smile in return as she stood up again, and looked around. “You are stable for the moment, and you should recover in just a few days. If you agree, I want to send the officers to you right away. They waited for quite a while already, and it would probably be best to get his done quickly so you can completely concentrate on recovery.” A short feel of regret went through him as she left the room, and for the next days, the young woman would be the only thing on his mind… Laura and Johann had visited him in the hospital a few times before he finally could be released, and now waited in anticipation outside of the hospital for their older brother. When he stepped out, still a bit slow, he could barely take a breath of fresh air before he was tackled by his younger sister, and hugged tightly by her. “Just a bit less, Laura, please. I can’t breathe properly.” He seemed to wear his always present Pokerface, but Laura could quickly read the slightest expression of pain, and let him go again. “Yeah, sorry! I just… we just waited so long for you to get out now, we need you in the shop again too, and the house was so empty without your constant lectures!” She seemed a bit agitated, but quickly calmed down when Johann patted her shoulder in comfort. “We both where pretty worried about you, and just glad you can come back home safely again.” Laura nodded quickly in agreement, and flashed a happy smile at her brother. “I am just glad you are safe now! And your Doctor was so nice as well!” She looked up at Abel with a sheepish smile. “I know, normally you are against giving stuff away for free, but I just needed to give her at least an offer for a potted plant, completely free! She did so much for you, and as soon as she sends me back which one she likes best, we can send it to her! Not even you can stop me from doing that!” She nodded determined and crossed her arms, and Johann sighed softly. For a moment he worried about getting one of his brothers famous rants, about how to never give things away for nothing in return, and so he was obviously surprised when Abel just nodded lightly back at Laura, and slowly walked towards the car. The blonde woman needed a short moment to register what had happened, and shared a surprised glance with her younger brother, before both looked to Abel again. “He didn’t rant at us.” Laura pointed out of the obvious, with a slightly surprised voice, as the youngest sibling looked to her concerned. “Are you sure he is healthy again? Maybe we should bring him back and ask them to check again.” The two were just a moment away from it, before their brother called them to the car, and they hurried as well to finally get back home again. The younger siblings were surprised that even at home, Abel stayed completely calm, and nearly even smiled when Laura told him she got a message from Doctor Williams back about what flowers she liked. The two were not stupid, they knew immediately that something was up, and two days later, the two decided to talk in the flowershop about it, out of earshot from their brother. “Okay, I think the answer is more than obvious.” Laura apparently had already decided on a reason, and Johann, even if not completely sure, was already declined to agree with her. “I think he has a weakness for… Williams, was it?” “Marguerite Williams, yes!” She nodded enthusiastically. “I mean, I don’t judge! She saved his life, and she is quite cute!” The young woman smiled dreamy. “That I would still see the day where my big brother actually shows affection to someone…” Her younger brother chuckled lightly as he listened. “Hey, don’t be so mean! You know he is quite the affectionate person if he just wants to.” “But he never wants to, that the problem! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to actually see him like this!” “He is 25, not 50. I am certain it’s not just a once in a lifetime thing, just because it may be the first time.” She rolled her eyes lightly in return and grinned. “Don’t ruin it! It is special, and we need to observe it as long as we still can!” Johann needed to admit one thing, he was, time and time again, amazed by Laura’s enthusiasm. “And what do you suggest now? That we help him somehow?” Laura smiled happily at her brothers suggestion, and nodded. “We could at least help a bit! Abel delivers the plant this evening, and he won’t have much time to search for the best one. We could help out there, at least find the prettiest and most impressive, and that should help a bit already! Maybe add a nice card as well ~” She hummed a happy melody, more than satisfied with her plan, and Johann smiled back at her. “We could add a small flower clip or so as well, as a thank you. You already know which flowers she liked best, right?” It didn’t took long for the two to get to work, and whenever they had a bit of time they searched through the shop, trying to find only the most beautiful flower, while their brother sat in the backroom and dreamed quietly to himself about a beautiful, young Doctor. A few more hours went by until the evening, and when it slowly got dark outside already and the sun settled slowly to coloured the sky in warm red and golden, Abel drove down the streets to a small apartment. A in red paper hidden flower waited in the backseat, and the young man in the front tried his best to concentrate on the road. He needed to admit himself that he was unfamiliar with this feeling, though he most certainly knew from poems what it could be. Even if he shook it off soon again. Sure, she was young, and delicate, with beautiful purple eyes and hair that looked as soft as a cloud… He shook his head lightly again, wanting to shake he thoughts off him. The rational side of his mind told him that it was probably only because she had saved his life, because she had cared for him while in the hospital and had often stopped by for a short talk that he now had… some sort of feelings for her. The other side of his mind though, that had memorized dozens of poems, that had read book that described this feel oh so often, that had an affection for lovely things, told him without a pause just how amazing Marguerite Williams just seemed and how sweet her smile was. Sometimes, Abel disliked that side of his mind, but for now he was captured by it, and couldn’t help but let himself give in to those whispers, as he turned and drove into the street of her home. Just a few minutes later he waited in front of the door, just the slightest nervousness coming up and creeping through his stomach. As he rang the doorbell though, he knew it was too late for doubts, and just held carefully onto the flower for now. It took just a few seconds before the door opened, and Marguerite Williams stood before him. Her white coat had now been traded for a comfortable looking red jacket and fitting skirt, but that didn’t made her look like any less of an angel. A friendly smile was immediately on her lips, and Abel could feel how his heart just beat slightly faster than usual. “Oh! Abel Lauwens, right? Come on in, I just made some coffee, if you’d like?” She stepped aside quickly, and the young man followed her gesture and stepped inside the small house. The walls where coloured in warm orange, brown and dark red tones, and the living room Abel now stepped in included many pictures on the walls, and a big, very soft looking couch. It seemed just a little bit messy, and gave off a very welcoming and open feel. “Just like the woman it belongs to”, Abel thought to himself, and gave a light smile in return as Marguerite gestured around a bit. “Please, sit down, I will get you a cup of coffee! Would you please set the flower on the table? I will unpack it in a moment, and sorry it’s a bit messy here, I didn’t get to clean in the last days, a lot of late shifts.” She sighed softly, but soon smiled back at him again while she hurried to the kitchen. While she prepared the coffee, Abel still took a short moment to look around the room, especially the pictures. In most of them was Marguerite, more often the not in a group. In many, she stood beside a girl that looked nearly identical to her, only the eyes showing the difference between them, and the fact that the other woman had shorter hair. In others she was with an older man, who also had a striking resemblance to her. “Probably her father she mentioned”, guessed Abel. In another picture she was with the girl again, and now a young man with tanned skin and dark brown hair as well. She looked more timid herself, while the two people beside her had wide grins set up and striked a happy pose for the camera. A few other pictures, that seemed a lot like family pictures, showed the three again, Marguerites father and another middle aged man as well, who’s most striking feature where his green eyes instead of the usual blue. In the newest looking pictures another man seemingly was beside Marguerite as well, but before Abel could look at the pictures any closer she already came back from the kitchen, two cups in her hands. Just one soft smile and Abel was distracted again, taking one of the cups with a quick “Thank you” before his eyes where only on the young woman in front of him once more. While she, on the other hand, only had her curious glance on the flower, which was still hidden behind the red paper of the flowershop. “For which one did you decide in the end? Laura send quite a few suggestions, I wasn’t even sure which one to choose in the end now.” She giggled, and send down her cup before her delicate hands felt over the paper. “I do not know either, my sister insisted on searching it out for me.” He wasn’t sure if that made him look bad, that his sister did the job for him, but Marguerite thought the opposite. “That is adorable! It’s nice to have such a caring sister, isn’t it?” She smiled wryly and added, “I wish my own would be like that…” Abel looked at her in sympathy, and couldn’t help but to pat her shoulder lightly. If only for a short moment, before he soon pulled his hand away again. She still seemed too appreciate the gesture, however, and looked up at him a bit troubled. “Sorry, I didn’t want to rant.” He quickly shook his head. “It’s alright. You don’t need to apologize over just one complaint.” His heart picked up its pace once more when he saw her smile again, a small smile thanks to him. “Thank you, it’s just… My sister can be difficult sometimes.” She laughed a bit awkwardly. “Trust me, I know that. My sister can be quite thickheaded if she just wants to be, and picky. But she is also quite reliable and kind hearted, just like my brother, so I suppose I had luck on that matter.” Abel just tried to think himself into her situation, before she lit up again though. “A sister and a brother with you too? Now that is a coincidence!” She laughed quietly, and looked up at him curious. “Don’t tell me that you are the oldest sibling too?” Now it was Abel’s turn to smile, and he nodded. “I am indeed.” She grinned lightly, and Abel was captured by the joyful aura that surrounded her for this moment. “What a coincidence! Wait just one moment!” She quickly got up and walked up to the family portrait, taking it carefully from the wall before laying it in front of him. “That is Amelia, my little sister, and Michael, my youngest brother.” She showed first to the young woman that looked so strikingly similar to herself, and then at the tanned young man at the right. Then she just showed for a short moment to the older men in the picture. “That’s Arthur, Amelia’s father, and Francis, my own.” Abel glanced curiously at Marguerite for a moment, but decided not to ask any further as he noticed a slightly melancholic expression on her face. Instead he got out his phone, and quickly found one of the pictures of him and his own siblings together. “You already know of Laura, and the youngest of us is Johann.” He showed to the two for a moment, and Marguerites smile soon came back as she looked at them. “They look so nice! So similar to you as well!”, she noted and looked up at him again. “And you three own a flowershop together?” Abel nodded as answer, and let his phone wander into his pocket again. “I am responsible for the finances, Laura cares for the flowers and Johann mostly cares about the sales and works at the register. It’s a family business.” Marguerite listened intensely, and seemed more than happy to hear about it, before her gaze turned to the flower again. “Alright, but now I am really curious which one she picked now!” She giggled, and Abel could only smile as well as he carefully helped her to unpack the delicate plant. Her expression soon changed to surprised as she looked at the little plant, rich and filed with small flowers. “Oh, this was one of the flowers I didn’t knew the name of!”, she remembered, and smiled softly at the white petals. Abel could only chuckle in return. “They are called bleeding hearts, and I think they fit you perfectly.” He looked at the soft, hanging petals, the heart shape and little drops below them proving their name to be fitting. Marguerite smiled lightly, and looked up at Abel again. “Bleedings hearts for a Doctor, huh? It does fit indeed.” She seemed satisfied with her explanation, but Abel shook his head. “Not because of that, though it may fit as well. You don’t need to know flower meanings as a florist, but it is a small hobby of mine, so let me tell you about Bleedings Hearts.” His eyes lit up just the smallest bit as he continued. “Bleeding Hearts stand for purity, especially when it comes to young women. Where many flowers are subtle in its meaning, bleeding hearts are bold and dramatic, and despite having many names, their meaning always stays the same. They stand for expressing your emotions, for being sensitive and maybe even too caring for the people around you, for innocence, beauty and a good heart.” Marguerite had started blushing as Abel explained, and he needed to admit, maybe he had been just a little bit dramatic. She looked at the pure white petals, and couldn’t help but smile. “That is quite a lot of meaning for such a small flower, isn’t it?” She carefully felt over the flowers once more. “Outside of decoration the flower rarely finds any purpose, but a tincture out of its roots supposedly helps against difficult nerve pains as well, so it does have some medical significance as well.” With that, Abel finished his lecture, and went quiet once more as the young woman looked at the flower enamored. “You said your little sister chose the flower, correct? I hope that wasn’t her way of flirting, to choose such a flower with meanings like purity and innocence.” She giggled softly, and just now did Abel notice that, in a way, she was actually correct. Just that his sister didn’t flirt for her own sake, but for him, and he fell right into her trap. Now his cheeks slowly turned red, and he quickly looked to the side, pretending to concentrate on the pictures again. “Really, I would be sad to disappoint her like that. I am already taken anyways!” She sounded genuinely concerned all of a sudden, and it took Abel a short moment before the words actually got to him. A short, cold pain shot through his heart, and as he looked at the pictures again, he did indeed notice another man on them. At a first, fleeting glance he could have confused him with Marguerites little brother, but now, when he looked for more than a second, the differences where obvious, and he could only guess that this was her boyfriend. His face turned into his usual Pokerface again quickly, and he did his best to not let himself show any change as he turned back to her again. Turned back to be beautiful, soft, and unreachable angel. “I will ask her if she intended it like that, and tell her if she did”, he responded simply, and there she looked up at him once more, with this painfully gentle smile. “I would just like to be sure. Thank you again for explaining it to me, it really sounded fascinating.” She chuckled, so soft, with a voice that angels would be jealous of. “Maybe I should get into flower meanings as well, when I get the time for it!” Abel simply nodded as answer, and quickly looked on his wristwatch, pretending to be concerned all of a sudden. “Oh, excuse me, I think I am quite late already. Since the incident, Laura wants be back before it gets too dark outside, and I think she will start to worry when I won’t come back soon.”   Apparently that was convincing enough for Marguerite, as she quickly nodded in understanding. “That’s only natural, I can’t blame her. You should drive back soon, and please, send your siblings a thank you for the flowers again!” He just nodded lightly in return, and in a few moments, he had left the house, slowly slumping back to his car, to drive back home. His home. His nice, clean, Marguerite missing home…
#ff
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boutiqueload725 · 3 years ago
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Torq Conectiv Driver
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Acclaimed audio interfaces, studio monitors, and keyboard controllers.
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Torq Conectiv with Control Vinyl and CDs Specifications: 4 x 4 USB 1.1 audio interface with 16-bit/48kHz fidelity 4 RCA inputs configurable for line-level or phono signals. While M-Audio will continue to field questions about TORQ software, we will no longer promote or sell TORQ software globally. We encourage TORQ customers, as well as all customers interested in DJ products, to visit m-audio.com, akaipro.com, and numark.com to learn more about our premium DJ products and brands. For more information please contact [email protected].
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With a personal computer are only ONE player available. Each of these is time-coded with a signal that the Synchroscience m-audio conectiv hardware transmits to the software, which then decodes it. The headphone feed, meanwhile, has a mix function so you can hear channel A or B, or a controlled mix of both. Before putting in a purveyor of the harshest environments. M-Audio Conectiv Driver x64 is a Shareware software in the category Miscellaneous developed by Live Lite for M-Audio. M AUDIO SYNCHROSCIENCE CONECTIV DRIVER DOWNLOAD - Not the best time-code control available.
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Our engineering team is constantly adding, updating and improving our drivers to ensure optimal performance. Each of these is time-coded with a signal that the Conectiv hardware transmits to the software, which then decodes it. M AUDIO CONNECTIV DRIVER DOWNLOAD - Not the best time-code control available. Note, Always install the latest version of the driver and for the correct hardware/OS. I don't remember how I managed to do so since it is on a DVD - but I did.
Conectiv, developed by M-Audio's SynchroScience division, is the world's first bus-powered 4 x 4 USB audio interface designed for DJs who perform and produce tracks with a laptop. Of the cornerstone of stereo pair, which then decodes it. The registrant to the area of 5. My headphones are connected to Connectiv and I can hear perfectly the loaded song and play with it using, I REPEAT. The last available version of Torq 2 is supported on Mac OS to Download the vector logo of the M-Audio Connectiv brand designed by in Encapsulated PostScript EPS format.
Departments >Pro Audio & Recording >DJ >DJ - Software >M-Audio >Torq Conectiv w/Control Vinyl and CDs
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TORQ CONECTIV
DJ Performance/Production system with 4 x 4 USB audio interface, control vinyl and CDs, and software. Conectiv, developed by M-Audio's SynchroScience division, is the world's first bus-powered 4 x 4 USB audio interface designed for DJs who perform and produce tracks with a laptop. Together, Conectiv and the included Torq software form the ultimate DJ toolhigh-fidelity audio, all the right kinds of I/O (including dual phono preamps), and the ability to mix, beat-match and cue digital files with ease. Use them as a completely digital solution and leave the heavy stacks of vinyl or bulky wallets of CDs at homeor process your vinyl and CDs on the fly. You can even create a hybrid digital/vinyl DJ rig by using Conectiv and Torq with specially encoded control vinyl discs or CDs. Torq supports popular formats such as MP3, WAV, WMA and AAC files and is configured to automatically work with Conectivno messy set-ups. And unlike most digital DJ systems, Conectiv works with other third-party software as well. SynchroScienceDesigned for Real-time Performance M-Audio's new SynchroScience product development group is all about providing DJs with the tools they need as evidenced by the portable and powerful Conectiv interface. With two pairs of stereo inputs and outputs, easy USB connectivity and included Torq DJ software, Conectiv can turn any compatible Mac or PC into a powerful DJ rig. The two large knobs allow you to seamlessly mix between the incoming audio from a turntable or CD player with the output of a connected Mac or PC. Conectiv also includes standard DJ cueing capabilities, so you can listen to any track in your headphones before sending it out to the house system. The included Torq DJ software is a dual-platform application that allows you to mix, beat-match and cue a variety of digital audio file formats, including MP3, AIFF, WAV, WMA and AAC. The first time you boot up the software, it automatically configures itself to work with Conectiv. Furthermore, the software itself can be controlled via mouse, keyboard, MIDI controller or control vinyl/CDs. And unlike traditional DJ set-ups where you're forced to carry around heavy crates of records or CDs, Torq organizes all of your digital files into a quickly searchable database on a compact, convenient hard diskit can even interface directly with your iTunes library for truly effortless setup. And if that's not enough, Torq supports third-party VST effect plug-ins and includes both a dedicated 16-cell sampler and performance recorder. For the DJ who chooses to work with vinyl or CDs, Conectiv can turn a laptop into the most versatile DJ effects unit ever conceived. By routing the output of a connected turntable or CD player into a program like Torq or Ableton Live, you can process your tracks with tons of plug-in effects. Imagine the possibilities of stacking multiple distortion, EQ, reverb, chorus or bit reduction effects and using the knobs on Conectiv to blend the dry and processed signals. And by using industry-standard CoreAudio and ASIO drivers, Conectiv delivers low-latency operation on both Mac and PC. Are you eager to embrace the world of computer-based DJing, but not ready to give up the feel of your favorite turntable or CD player? Not a problem. Simply break out a pair of control vinyl discs or CDs, and spin digital files loaded in Torq using a traditional DJ setup. And unlike mostmore expensivedigital vinyl systems, Conectiv is also compatible with other third-party DJ and DAW applicationsyou can even use it as an audio interface for Pro Tools M-Powered. While laptop systems have long offered conveniences like portability, unique effects, world-class editing options and instant access to downloadable music, many of these devices don't deliver the same output volume as traditional DJ products. Conectiv changes all of that. With a maximum output level of +2dBV, Conectiv gives you more volume than you need and can go to toe-to-toe with any DJ product on the market. M-Audio interfaces are known for their recording quality and Conectiv is no exception. With switchable RCA phono/line level inputs and 1/4' mic input, you can easily record a wide variety of sources with most DAW software titles, including Pro Tools M-Powered, Ableton Live, Logic, Cubase, Digital Performer and more. Features *Use as a self-contained digital system, multi-effects processor or slave from control CDs/vinyl totally flexible *Designed by M-Audio's SynchroScience group built by DJs for DJs *4 x 4 USB 1.1 audio interface with 16-bit/48kHz fidelity CD quality and beyond *4 RCA inputs configurable for line-level or phono signals connects to all standard DJ mixers, turntables and CD players *4 RCA outputs with high +10dBV peak output level rock the house *2 mix knobs for blending audio inputs and USB output mix vinyl and digital tracks with the same interface *Torq DJ software included instantly turn any Mac or PC into a powerful DJ rig
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Torq Conectiv Driver Windows 7
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brokenhayatim · 4 years ago
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two mins forty-three seconds
it’s been so long since i’ve written. i don’t think any of this will make sense.. also my hands are shaking so it’s taking me longer to type.
you ever know something is wrong with you? and like it’s so familiar and you just think ‘it’s happening again’. i’ve felt like that for long but i’ve been managing it pretty well. in the last month or so though, i felt it shift into deeper waters and it’s not like anything in my life has drastically changed like moving back here was. but i just notice my reluctance to start the day, my difficulty to concentrate during it, the nighttime routine of ‘i failed today yes i’m a disappointment’. it’s odd...i feel like i have no control. someone else has taken the clock and is dragging the minute hand to just speed up every second and i can’t think. my thoughts race every second even if im sitting down and next thing i know it’s three hours later and i hate it. i started up running to help my surgery recovery process and even that doesn’t feel like control. this looming surgery date is good and bad. it’s giving me a lot of free time..that i don’t need. i constantly feel like i should be doing something even though i don’t really have a task to take my mind off anything anymore like job searching. it’s almost made me feel useless like i’m a sitting duck. and then i have so much anxiety about my capability to re-enter the job market being out this long, especially after the surgery recovery. i don’t feel like i’m even average anymore like im the bottom of the barrel in terms of skills so i keep trying to stay with them, doing small projects, but it’s not enough.
anyways. i’ve thought about seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist when i first came here, as my prev ones recommended, but with the pandemic i pushed it off and it’s so intimidating trying to find one, now that i’m not given about 6 options like at uni, i’m just supposed to find one now and try 20 questions to see if they’re actually right?? the thought of going through the awkwardness and distance of zoom appointments too, i felt uncomfortable with it even when i knew and liked my doctors. so, i felt like if i told myself i could do it on my own, i could do it on my own. but everyday i have this nagging feeling that i’m just putting pretty icing on a moldy cake, so i deny and avoid that with social media distractions, of course. i have this overall sense of just feeling like shit and the only thing keeping me afloat in the days are people not even around me, people in my phone, especially moments with noor. often, i think of just shutting off my wifi or my phone and ghosting, but it isn’t even fair to them to do that and it never was - without at least forewarning. because tables turned, i worry like hell on top of missing you. so i woke up today feeling at the cusp of a break and was going to send noor a text about it and to just let her know. and although a big part of me wants to just disappear, the other part so attached to people now doesn’t and knows it wouldn’t do me any good but let me wallow in misery (she’s got the self-realization now yall) and what would that help? especially now being at home where i can’t stay in my room for a week and come out like a crab just to eat (just kidding, i do that anyways). i think the gravity of how much i’ve been avoiding and denying that i need to do something was brought to light last when i mentioned to my sister, after i kneeled down for something in pain, that i can’t actually sit on my legs like i can sit 90 degrees only but anything lower and my thighs experience so much pain it’s like my body is screaming not to go lower. i haven’t done the tashahhud position in salah properly for months and i don’t want to sit in a chair because i feel like that’s cheating like i can move just not that position. my neurologist gave meds - which i took for a while but kept forgetting to establish a routine & my dad said i didn’t need them so i questioned it more - and a physical therapy prescription and i’ve done nothing with it. partly due to covid but i also just feel like a burden, that something is actually wrong again. i dont know...as if my brain should be the only thing everyone needs to worry about now. but my parents were talking about how i might need physical therapy after surgery and how they might bring someone in and something about it just makes my skin cold. i don’t think it’s necessarily fully my disdain of depending on someone for my needs but i just have this vision of struggling and having everyone know it. like i won’t be able to do it in private anymore, it’ll all be out for someone to watch and they’ll want to do something to help and they can’t. that goes with any of my surgery recovery - especially the pain and discomfort. okay, i’m getting away from my point now...
i went to sleep quite early last night because of my mood and probably because i slept at 6 am the night before. but i woke up today and was like i feel like shit and this is definitely depression that i’ve had. so i took my phone and searched “psychology before after surgery” (got the point across ok) and god, the results. i don’t know what i was expecting.  
“Why Aren’t We Talking About Postoperative Depression?
Depression can occur after even a minor surgery. But doctors have noticed that people who have the following procedures often have depression afterwards: Heart surgery, especially coronary artery bypass graft Plastic surgery Gastric bypass surgery Brain surgery...
The most significant risk factor for postoperative depression is pre surgical depression or anxiety. In fact, anyone with a history of mental illness is at greater risk for postoperative depression.
Possible Causes of Postsurgical Depression: Postsurgical pain Surgical results don't match expectations Problems with anesthesia (i’m using steroids but) A biological process Increased dependence on other people
Disappointment in one’s own body and health can also factor into postoperative depression. People like to see themselves as strong and healthy.”
you get it. immediately, i felt two things: frustration at not even guessing this would be a thing and fear. fear, because i have had thoughts of most of these causes being an issue for me before i even read this. fear, that all the trying i’m doing now to be okay won’t be enough and i genuinely will see my worst days. fear, that i won’t make it. fear, that i’m not strong enough to overcome this if i’m struggling with it badly right now. fear, that i’m not strong enough to recover like i want to. fear, that i made a mistake in choosing to do the surgery being careless enough to not consider this. so much fear my body crumbled under the weight. 
of course, it’s treatable. so where does this leave me right now? congratulations! now you’re caught up on why i opened this document and decided to type. based upon reading about my avoidance to fix my issues with the right methods, i think we can guess the solution here. oh look! it’s writing itself into the cloudy sky. 
xoxo big brain girl (just not mentally)
done crying now so time to start my day yayy!
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