#sea-salted-wolverine

[lokh]

Okay, I won't lie NSW is more than slightly outside of my area of expertise when it comes to camping but the basics are the same anywhere. You said you have a tent and bag and some gear so we're not starting out at baby beginnings.

Step one, check the forecast. If its gonna be a heat wave or a cold snap or pissing rain wouldn't it be nice to know that before you're sitting miserable in a tent in the middle of nowhere? Plan accordingly, pack accordingly and you will be amazed how much you can deal with if you're prepared for it. Personally I have a nice rainshell with me at all times because it acts as a windbreak, water barrier, and exposure layer. I have taken a rainshell into the mojave desert where it never rains and I was right to do so because the wind got cold. I have occasionally been the overprepared dork, but I have more often been the only one not getting hypothermia.

Step two, know where you're going. As in, what to expect not just physically where it is. Are there restrooms? Water? Animals? Poisonous/stabby plants? Poisonous/stabby bugs? Other campers? Poisonous/stabby campers? Hazards? Cell service? Emergency services? Gas stations? Can you safely have a fire? Can you toast/grill your food or are you having cold dinner?

Step three, pack the most obscenely overdone toiletries kit you can imagine. Yes, this is actually important. My god, human bodies are messy. All your basic overnight goodies and then add sunscreen, bug dope, wet wipes or something similar, your own toilet paper and something to dig with if you're going out past available restrooms, and a small first aid kit. The kit doesn't have to be a full triage supply, tweezers, bandaids, antiseptic and maybe some gauze if you're clumsy. If you are gonna be doing a lot of walking/hiking I also recommend moleskin for blisters. Put the moleskin on BEFORE the blister pops.

Step four, look at the forecast again, assume it's wrong and pack for the worst weather possible. You need a dry pair of socks and undies. You need long sleeves and a spare shirt. Even if it doesn't feel like it, you will sweat through the day and get damp and if you sleep in the same thing you've been wearing you will get chilled. This is why every one says no cotton for camping, no matter where you are. I have a full change of clothes for sleeping so my day clothes can air and dry overnight.

Step five is food and its really each to his own for this one. If you're hiking out you will be more limited as far as weight/refrigeration, but thats somewhat of a trial and error thing. Freeze dried meals have their place but there is no reason it has to be your go to. Remember your water and remember that if you sweat and replace it with nothing but water you will be hurting. Powdered drink mix is your friend. If you're car camping and tenting next to the car I just bring a 5 gallon jug of water that stays in the car and refill waterbottles as needed. (Note: Senshi from dungeon meshi isn't actually an unattainable fantasy, you can cook a full scale meal in the backcountry if you really want to. It is several magnitudes more difficult than you would think if you are used to cooking in a kitchen, but it is possible.)

Step six is assessing your gadgets. If you want your phone you probably need a power pack to charge it. You will want a flashlight for the dark, not your phone, not glowsticks. If you want a camera you have to figure out how to carry that with you. You also need to figure out if you have cell service and a way to call for help. The more intense you get into this, the more you should look at getting a GPS or inreach/spot device, especially if you want to go alone. This is also a good time to come to grips with the falliblity of technology and get a paper map.

Step seven is for sleeping arrangements, which you seem to have covered. My rip is to set up sleeping stuff as soon as you get to where your making camp, so that way your bag has a chance to loft and your aren't fiddling with stuff sacks in the dark when your tired. And drunk if you're party camping. Open the sleeping bag before the tequila. Also a sleeping pad will protect your bag and also your joints so you don't wake up feeling like Rip van Winkle.

Have fun, be safe, don't be a dick and clean up after your self at your campsite. Sleeping in the dirt is a great time and I hope you enjoy your trip.

thank you so much!!!! i had a great trip but it wouldve been better if id followed your advice more carefully LMAO

[the-haiku-bot]

And do you know, my

beloved, what the best part

of all of this is?

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

my mutual, my love dove, my baby girl (gender neutral) we do not share the same tastes, and that is okay. You are responsible for at least one if not more of the filtered tags on my dash. I love you, but I do not love the things that you love. I fully believe that you said something clever and witty and insightful about one of the most deranged derivative pieces of media on earth. I do not know if you actually said something witty and clever because I have the tag blocked. I appreciate your tagging habits that allow me to do this.

Apple of my eye, delight of my heart, you have recently gotten into a new thing. I did my research. I went into the tag. My darling this is the magic of online friendship. Because by God it is bad. And if I knew you in real life I would have to politely smile at a spot just behind your ear whilst you ramble on, but thank God for the tools that allow me to literally filter out your fascinations that I have no interest in.

Sweetheart, I strive to match your meticulous tagging habits that you may do the same to me. You do not need to hear me ramble on about redneck bullshit if you do not wish to. You may ignore my weird art shit with no ill will from me. My lukewarm takes on whatever fandom I've toppled into ass first need not mar your day. The power of the filter makes you a God and you may interact with the version of me that never talks about rocks for hours on end. Admittedly, if you filter out all of it I may be kind of quiet but if that is the version of me you wish to encounter upon the wild plains of this hellsite we call home, all power to you.

And do you know, my beloved, what the best part of all of this is?

We never need to bring it up because not once in a million years will I notice that you haven't interacted with some random genre of posts. Truly we are the masters of our fates. Blacklist that bitch.

[romanceyourdemons]

i’m sick of 15-35 year olds being the only ones wreaking martial arts havoc. let the oldest most creaky wrinkly person in the world be a tornado of untold destruction. and bring out the bizarrely violent children while you’re at it

[anghraine]

sea-salted-wolverine replied to this post:

Wdym Anakin mind tricking padme isn't real? You could chalk it up to bad writing from Lucas who isn't quite sure that women are people, but its pretty clear that by ep III that her grip on reality is toast. Whether or not it is a conscious effect on Anakins part is up for debate, but it is definitely a thing that happened

Not really the main point of my post, but no, that fan theory is not "real" in the sense of being remotely canonical for the films. It's nothing more than a popular headcanon nowhere even slightly stated to be happening in the actual films as written and produced. There's no reason in Lucas's films to suppose that the Anakin/Padmé relationship was coerced through a mind trick, that Padmé specifically would be susceptible to a mind trick, that she does not genuinely love Anakin or have any insight into his character, that her grip on reality is ever "toast," or that the mind trick (previously depicted as temporary and resistible) would work that way at all. Padmé is underwritten in ROTS in the way that cool girl heroines invented by men are often underwritten as grown adult women and especially as mothers, but that is not attributable to any character in the story.

Yes, Padmé is tired in ROTS and misses a lot of what's going on psychologically with her young secret husband who is in a cloistered order of warrior monks fighting a long-term war far away from her, but she sees the threat of Palpatine and recognizes exactly what his accession as emperor means. Her mind is fine. And in Lucas's films, also, Anakin is never shown using the mind trick on anyone. It's not really his style—it's a sneaky short-term solution whereas he's smart and resourceful enough most of the time, but mainly reliant on overwhelming power and skill. His signature "trick" is the Force-choke, not the mind trick, and it's the Force-choke that he ultimately uses against her—not because he's been using his powers against her the whole time (including when he's not even there, I guess?), but as a mark of how far he has fallen by that point. That's lost if it's not a drastic change from their previous relationship. Padmé's own choices also lose all meaning if she was mind-controlled by Anakin the whole time, and her arc becomes deeply boring.

Tl;dr - it is very far from "definitely a thing that happened." It is a headcanon that doesn't reflect anything the movies are trying to do (whether they fail or succeed at doing those things!) and is, IMO, a pretty terrible headcanon as well in terms of the overall coherence of the story and characters and how their world is shown to work.

[shybluebirdninja]

Logan vs. The Cooking Show

Summary: You convince Logan to participate in a local cooking show, thinking his rugged charm will win over the audience.

Pairing             : Wolverine!Logan Howlett x Female!Human-reader

Genre              : Fluff

It was just another Saturday morning when you stumbled across the flyer. The local cooking show was holding auditions, and they were looking for “unique personalities” to compete. You couldn’t help but picture Logan strutting around the kitchen, his rugged charm mixed with culinary chaos.

“Logan, you gotta do this,” you said, waving the flyer in his face as he grunted in response, trying to sip his coffee like he wasn’t about to face the biggest disaster of his life.

“Hell no. I don’t do cooking shows,” he replied, glaring at you over the rim of his mug. His eyes narrowed, as if you had just suggested a cage fight with a grizzly bear.

���But think about it! You could totally win this thing! Just imagine the viewers swooning over the tough guy who can cook.” You leaned in, your excitement bubbling over. “They’ll eat it up! Literally!”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Sweetheart, I can barely boil water without blowin’ it up. I’m not about to set foot in a kitchen with cameras.”

You smirked, leaning closer. “But I’d be there. I’d help. And you know you wanna show off for me.”

He hesitated, his resolve faltering. “Show off? For you? Please.” But the slightest twitch at the corner of his lips told you he was already halfway in.

“C’mon! What’s the worst that could happen? It’ll be fun!”

Logan grumbled under his breath, running a hand through his hair like he was trying to shake off the impending doom. “Fine. But if I end up in the hospital because I burn something, I’m blaming you.”

“Deal!” You grinned, fist-pumping in victory.

The day of the cooking show arrived, and Logan looked like he was gearing up for a battle rather than a cooking competition. He wore his usual plaid shirt, but somehow, he managed to look even grumpier than usual.

The kitchen was set up with an array of ingredients and utensils that Logan clearly had never seen in his life. You stood beside him, trying to ignore the fact that the cameras were rolling, capturing every moment of Logan’s impending culinary disaster.

“Okay, Logan,” you said, pointing to a table full of fancy ingredients. “What do you want to make?”

He frowned, his gaze darting around like he was on a treasure hunt for something he recognized. “What the hell is ‘quinoa’? Is that some kinda birdseed?”

You laughed, shaking your head. “No, it’s a grain. It’s healthy!”

“Healthy, huh? Yeah, I’d rather have a steak,” he muttered, scowling as if the very thought of quinoa was an insult to his manliness.

As the show host introduced the challenge—a gourmet take on classic comfort food—Logan stared at the ingredients with a mixture of confusion and determination.

“Alright, let’s get this over with,” he grumbled, grabbing a knife.

You watched in horror as he picked up the knife, not quite realizing how he was gripping it. “Logan, you might wanna be careful with—”

Slash!

The knife went flying, landing with a clatter on the floor. Logan blinked, eyes wide. “Shit! I didn’t mean to do that.”

You snorted, trying not to laugh. “It’s just a knife, Logan. Don’t go all Wolverine on it.”

He glared at you, muttering something under his breath. “Can’t believe I’m doing this…”

As the challenge progressed, it became clear that Logan had zero clue how to handle any of the ingredients. He picked up a jar labeled “sea salt” and held it like it was a grenade.

“Wait—what’s the difference between salt and sugar?” he asked, looking genuinely confused.

You facepalmed. “Logan, seriously? Just taste it. You know what salt is!”

He unscrewed the cap and took a whiff, immediately making a face like he’d just bitten into a lemon. “Goddamn! This stuff smells like the ocean.”

“You’re supposed to sprinkle it in the dish, not huff it,” you said, laughing.

As he tried to sprinkle it over his mix of questionable ingredients, he accidentally poured half the jar into the bowl. You winced, anticipating the explosion of flavor that was about to hit everyone’s taste buds.

“Too much?” he asked, watching the white crystals pile up like a snowstorm.

“Uh, yeah. Just a tad,” you said, biting back laughter. “You might want to add a little bit of everything, not a whole freakin’ mountain.”

“Whatever. It’s all goin’ in,” he grunted, throwing in a handful of something else—was it cilantro?—and mixing it all together with an enthusiasm that was borderline terrifying.

When it came time to chop vegetables, the real fun began. Logan, who usually sliced through enemies like a hot knife through butter, was clearly out of his element. He tried to use his claws, only for you to shout, “No! Use the knife!”

“Fine! But if I end up slicing my hand off, I swear to God…”

“Just focus!” You could barely contain your laughter as he awkwardly maneuvered the knife, managing to barely chop a tomato without sending it flying across the kitchen.

“You know, I should’ve just brought a steak and called it a day,” he muttered, glaring at the tomatoes like they had personally offended him.

“Or you could make a steak with the tomatoes as a side. Just think of it as... ‘Logan’s Special’,” you suggested, grinning.

He shot you a look that said he’d rather face a hundred Sentinels than create a culinary masterpiece, but he sighed and went back to chopping, albeit a bit more carefully this time.

As the clock ticked down, the chaos reached new heights. Logan, sweating bullets, was trying to juggle too many things at once. He’d put the quinoa on to boil but had completely forgotten about it.

“Crap! The quinoa!” he yelled, running to the stove.

The pot was bubbling over, and steam was shooting out like a geyser. Logan slapped the lid on it, but not before a little bit of the grain spilled over the counter.

“Great. Just great. I’m gonna be cleaning this shit up for weeks,” he grumbled, glancing at the camera crew, who were barely containing their laughter.

“Just breathe, Logan. You’ve got this!” you encouraged, fighting back your own giggles.

“Yeah, I got this. Just me, a million ingredients I don’t understand, and a kitchen that’s about to explode,” he shot back, his hands moving in a way that clearly demonstrated his rising panic.

Finally, with only minutes left on the clock, Logan frantically assembled his “gourmet” dish. You couldn’t help but notice the sheer determination in his eyes, even as he nearly dumped an entire bottle of balsamic vinegar over everything.

“What the hell are you doing?!” you shouted, rushing over.

“It said to drizzle!” he protested, shaking the bottle like it was a ketchup dispenser.

“Drizzle, not drown! You’re gonna ruin it!”

He paused, a sheepish grin breaking through his frustration. “Guess I’m a little too enthusiastic, huh?”

“Just a bit,” you chuckled, rolling your eyes but appreciating his effort. “Just finish up, we’ve got seconds left.”

With one final flurry of chaos, he plated his “masterpiece.” It looked like a mess, but you could see the glimmer of pride in his eyes.

“Ta-da!” he exclaimed, holding up the plate like it was the Holy Grail.

You clapped your hands, genuinely impressed. “Not bad, tough guy. Not bad at all.”

“Yeah, well, if it sucks, I’m blaming you,” he said, crossing his arms, though you could tell he was trying to hide a smile.

The judges took their first bites, and you held your breath, half-expecting them to spit it out. But as they chewed, their eyes widened, and one of them exclaimed, “Wow! This is... surprisingly good!”

Logan blinked, clearly shocked. “Wait, what? Seriously?”

“Yeah! The flavors are... interesting. It’s like you combined everything perfectly!” another judge chimed in.

Logan’s face was a mix of disbelief and pride. “No way. You’re messin’ with me, right?”

“Honestly, you’ve got talent!” one judge said, smiling brightly.

You could hardly contain your laughter. “Told you so, Wolverine! Who knew you had hidden culinary skills?”

“Yeah, well, don’t expect me to make this a habit. I still prefer rare meat,” he replied, scratching his head. But there was a glimmer of triumph in his eyes.

As the show wrapped up, Logan was still riding high on the unexpected praise. “I can’t believe I didn’t burn the place down,” he said, shaking his head.

“You did great! I mean, apart from almost turning the kitchen into a disaster zone,” you teased.

“Whatever. I think I might’ve actually surprised myself,” he admitted, a genuine smile creeping onto his face.

“And me!” you added, nudging him playfully. “You might just have a future in the culinary world.”

“Only if it involves steaks and beer,” he said, shooting you a wink.

You leaned in closer, resting your head on his shoulder. “Hey, if you ever want to cook for me again, I’m totally down for it. Just maybe stick to simpler recipes next time?”

“Deal. But you’re doing the prep work,” he smirked, wrapping an arm around you. As you walked out together, the warmth of his embrace felt just right. You chuckled, thinking about the day’s chaos, and how it had only brought you closer. In the midst of cooking disasters and laughter, you found a little more of Logan’s soft side than you ever expected.

[sylviesoothsayer22]

Lured Deep Beneath The Waves (Complete)

He Xuan x Wei Ying

In order to save their worthless lives, Wei Ying's village offered Jiang Yanli up on a silver platter to a beast, only for her little brother to step in and oh so nobly take her place. Forcefully whisked away from his -ahem- not so peaceful living situation, he now finds himself in a queer place, looking like the spoiled wife of a dotting lord, wondering what he ought to do with his new circumstances.

That sounds like one of those questionable novels I'd catch jiejie reading. Also, I didn’t exactly ‘step in’ of my own accord.

At least the clucking hens back at the village now have new writing material to work with.

Author's Note:

The idea for this work came to me when I had a mental health retreat by the sea a few months back. Told some discord friends about it and it sorta snowballed to this. Also, I was accused of having a Hua Cheng-bias and needed to clear my name. *shrug*

This fic may or may not have some Deadpool & Wolverine humour here and there. Oops.

Anyways! This whole premise will eventually turn into a series of instalments that deal with HeXian's marital life. Now, onto the first fic!

He would’ve done it had she just asked. Madame Yu really didn’t need to go through all the trouble.

Wei Wuxian had been kneeling for so long that his legs had already gone numb. The cliff he was on faced the roiling, blackened sea, stretching out as far as the eye could perceive, so much so that he was unable to differentiate between the darkened waters and sky. He could taste the bitter salt in the air, the sea-spray clinging to his clothes, the chilling breeze, which forced his body into sporadic shivers. Not a single gull dared to caw, no fishermen hollering at each other to go home before curfew or paddles splashing against the water’s pull. Aside from his own breathing, the only other sound Wei Wuxian’s ears knew were the roarous crashing of waves smashing into the rocks of the cliff that he was chained to. 

It was already nighttime, a smattering of stars splashed across the sky, the crescent moon hung high like an arced axe about to fall on his head at any moment, its subtle glow barely providing him any light for his surroundings. Not that Wei Ying could see much through the stupid veil.

All this over some moronic ritual that should’ve died out in a bygone era.

It all began with a rumour. Black Water Demon Xuan was looking for someone, a woman, with hair like shadow, a face as fair as snow and eyes so bright they reflected the night sky. Said rumour trickled its way into the tiny fishing villages located near the South Sea, where the fabled Black Water Demon Lair resides. This led many to believe that he was looking for a wife, a concubine or perhaps just a bed-slave. As you can imagine, it resulted in numerous families offering up their daughters to the Water Demon, praying that it would spare their village from the Calamity’s dismay. 

The act of ‘offering’ one’s daughter to Black Water had become so common among the five villages that, throughout the centuries, it warped and spiralled into a ritualistic sacrifice where, every ten years, one fishing village out of the five, Lianhua, Huīshuǐ, Lántiān, Rìluò and Jinyǔmáo, had to place a fair maiden, dressed in the most elaborate bridal robes each village could afford, upon the Weeping Cliff, named after the silently weeping brides who would be carried there. The most hysterical bride would find themselves chained to the cliff in order to prevent them from escaping or even finding a way out of the marriage by plunging themselves into the watery depths below. 

Each village has their own method of choosing a bride, ensuring that it was random to make it ‘fair’. For Lianhua village, it was through a single pearl. As soon as it was Lianhua’s turn to sacrifice one of their own, the unmarried women of their village would gather at the main square, there they would find a bucket filled with perfectly round white stones and an opalescent pearl hidden among the identical rocks. Upon the ringing of a bell, each maid was forced to step up and dig deep into the bucket, as it was forbidden to pick anything from the surface, until one woman was saddled with the unlucky pearl. This year’s chosen maid was unfortunately none other than his jiejie, Jiang Yanli. 

Well, she wasn’t Wei Wuxian’s actual sister, as the lovely Madame Yu was keen on reminding him every damn day. 

Wei Ying’s parents were wandering cultivators that got killed on one of their hunts while he was very young. By some miracle, Wei Ying managed to find his way back to Lianhua where village head Jiang Fengmian recognized the lost little boy as the son whom his parents helped the people of Lianhua deal with some pesky water ghouls a few months back and so, decided to take Wei Ying in as a way to pay his debt to the boy’s parents. 

Of course, the Dear Madame Yu didn’t like how her husband seemingly favoured Wei Ying over their son, Jiang Cheng. Going out of her way to belittle every single achievement Wei Ying ever made while growing up. Oh, Wei Ying far exceeded Jiang Cheng in their studies? Madame Yu would give Jiang Cheng a scolding so severe that Wei Ying started deliberately underperforming just so that there would be less friction between mother and son. Wei Ying tied fishing nets faster than Jiang Cheng? Any praise given to him by Jiang Fengmain would be met with an equal amount of derision from his lovely wife. Wei Ying caught more fish than Jiang Cheng? He would wake up the next day and find his fishing tools tampered with to which Wei Ying chose to keep his mouth shut and carry on with his day.  

Wei Ying can easily forgive and forget all these little transgressions. After all, he was just an interloper, an orphan who was saved from a life on the streets thanks to the Jiang family’s pity. The least he could do was keep his head down and not offset the delicate balance among his hosts. 

However, Wei Ying drew the line at Madame Yu’s ill treatment of Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze’s memory. The woman would go out of her way to stamp out Wei Ying’s tendency to emulate his parents, as in whenever he tries practising the cultivation techniques that the two wandering cultivators taught him. The same techniques that helped Wei Ying survive on his own until he managed to find his way back to Lianhua. Even going as far as to disparage any attempted meetings between Wei Ying and rogue cultivators that found their way into the fishing village. All Wei Ying wanted was to follow in his parents’ footsteps, but the mere idea of him being better than the blood-son in anything was enough to set Madame Yu off a bunch.

Needless to say, once he was old enough Wei Ying spent most of his days out of the Jiang household. Only ever using the residence as a place to sleep or shelter from harsh weather. Wei Ying only hoped that he could make it until he found a wife and finally moved out of that dreary house. 

Perhaps if Wei Ying was around more often, he wouldn’t be in this mess or at least spare his jiejie some grief. 

I could’ve convinced her to hide out in one of the neighbouring villages until the ritual was over. Her idiot betrothed would’ve certainly helped. Or tamper with the selection process. Or or-

Aiyah, he was overthinking again. Now, where was he?

Ah, yes. His current predicament.

To Madame Yu, it was bad enough that her husband barely paid attention to their son, but finding out that she’ll lose her only daughter to a Calamity of all beings, was the last straw. She secretly hired the Wen Gang to capture Wei Wuxian-Really, Madame? Really?! Of all the scum you could’ve hired to do your dirty work, you chose the bullies notoriously known for encroaching on the villages’ fishing territories and beating up the weak?! Come on, Madame Yu! Have some class! 

Anyways, the hired help managed to sneak up on him (Wei Ying blamed it on the wine he drank to drown out his sorrows), knocked him out by a swift log to the head, dressed him up as the bride and chained him to the damn cliff.

Shackled to this lonely rock while bedecked head-to-toe in wedding garb, Wei Wuxian resembled a royal bride shipped off to an ill-fated marriage. He wore scarlet robes with a long gradient train, the colour blending from crimson to sunset red, his shoulders padded and decorated with dangling golden chains, teardrop shaped lapis lazuli dripping at the tailends of the delicate metalwork. Water dragons stitched with silver thread, serpentine jaws open in defiance, their long bodies coiling around his front and waist. Each dragon sporting eyes embroidered with golden thread, glinting eerily. His hair was held up by two golden criss-crossing hair pins. The metal of the pins twisting and bending like roots, the stems cradling shining red flowers nestled within raven tresses. Were one to look more closely at the pins, they’d see that the ‘petals’ were in fact seashells painted in red lacquer, carefully arranged to look like blooming flowers. Hanging off his pale arms were long, billowing sleeves made of satin with a silk, semi-transparent outer layer, offering a ripple effect akin to low tide. The bridal veil had a similar, wave-like pattern at the edges. Underneath it, his ears sported red-pearl earrings with arced silver fishtails attached at the bottom end. Each fin studded with tiny diamonds. His fair face had a light layer of makeup. Bow-shaped lips coated a deep red, golden eyeliner emphasising the silver in his eyes and a soft pink blush dusting his cheeks, completed with the huadian of a lotus flower in full bloom, its soft petals unfurling, beguiling in its simplicity. 

For all their atrocious behaviour, Wei Ying had to give it to the Wen Gang. They knew how to dress up a bride. Top marks for their efforts. Truly.

The Madame spared no expense, he was almost flattered! Wei Ying knew he could never afford a single piece of jewellery on this accursed outfit were he to start saving up until he was ninety.

Except for one, miniscule flaw in this elaborate plan:

Wei Wuxian wasn’t a woman!

Sure, he looked like a bride befitting an emperor, but no amount of polish will turn a rock into a diamond! For the past -who knows how many- centuries, all of the sacrifices have been women . What’s stopping Black Water’s displeasure at finding a trussed up male dressed in wedding robes as opposed to a beautiful maiden? What’s stopping him from showing that displeasure to Lianhua village and -potentially- the other villages as well? Would he curse the village heads and all their future descendants? Would he stop providing them with fresh fish and clear waters, have the villages slowly starve to death as they lose their primary food source? Or would he simply drown them all in a fit of rage? 

Outcome after outcome flashed through his mind, each one worse than the last. The wound on his temple, where the idiots smashed it with a log, throbbed painfully. Wei Ying was about to slam the back of his head on the rock behind him to stop his spiralling thoughts before remembering the hair pins. Deciding it wasn’t worth stabbing into his scalp, Wei Ying lowered his chin in defeat and sighed.

With his luck, maybe the Water Demon won’t even bother showing up and leave Wei Ying chained here until he dies from thirst, turning the expensive wedding robes into his funeral shroud. Or maybe Black Water will take a liking to him and turn Wei Ying into a trophy wife. Forbidden from leaving the Calamity’s side until he was old and wrinkled, a used-up, shrivelled thing tossed into the sea like trash once his natural good looks fade with age. 

By the heavens, if this backfires, he’ll haunt Madame Yu for the rest of her miserable life.

Look on the bright side, he thought glumly, at least you finally got away from that house. Potentially forever.

Wei Ying just hoped that jiejie was alright.

Ignoring the pins and needles running up and down his legs, Wei Ying shifted into a more comfortable position and decided to pass the time by squinting through the veil, counting the stars. 

He was on star number thirteen when it suddenly disappeared, like a candle flame swiftly blown out. One by one, the stars winked out of existence, the shadows shaping the moon into a crescent drew back like soundless curtains, until it resembled a great, lone pearl stitched upon endless black cloth. The crashing waves slowly fell into a murmur and Wei Ying was left with his own blood pounding into his eardrums.

SPLAT!

He startled. Back going ramrod straight. 

SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!

Wei Ying felt his body break out in cold sweat. Adam’s apple bobbing painfully as he swallowed.

Someone or some thing was climbing up the cliff.

Wei Ying slammed his eyes shut and started doing what he hadn’t done in years. Pray.

Who should he be praying to?! The Flower Crowned Martial God? No. That doesn’t make any sense. He could hardly call himself a cultivator let alone a warrior.

Should he pray to Crimson Rain for luck? Best not. The Ghost King was pretty finicky and he might end up displeasing Black Water if he started praying to a rival Calamity.

Water Master Shi Wudu? Oh, now Wei Ying was asking for eternal torture. It’s no secret that Water Master and Demon Xuan had a rivalry as tumultuous as a ship caught in a malstrom. 

Which of the thousands of negligent, apathetic gods is more likely to show Wei Ying a shred of pity? Maybe-

An overwhelming coldness washed over Wei Ying, as if he had just been doused with seawater, the wetness seeping into his skin. Whatever breath he had in his lungs was viciously expelled.

He didn’t need to open his eyes to know that the figure had stopped just a foot away from him. 

Wei Ying felt more than saw the hand slowly reaching out towards his face, long fingers grasping at the sheer red veil, carefully moving it out of the way.

The flimsy barrier between bride and groom disappeared. Wei Ying blocked out the feeling of goosebumps rioting all over his skin. With one final prayer for strength, he cracked his eyes open.

What stared back at him had his heart hammering against his chest cavity, ready to burst.

Yellow eyes as bright as molten gold, ever-changing and malleable, reminding Wei Ying of the precious metal’s capacity to shift into whatever form or role the owner fancies. There was a cool temperance behind that hooded gaze, it bespoke of someone who witnessed centuries-worth of depravities, followed by the painstaking build of calculated viciousness to counterattack, of hard-won strength carried with ease, lurking just beneath the surface of faux-boredom. It made Wei Ying think of the sea during sunrise, when the yellow rays have barely touched the darkened waters, still and inviting. Teasing onlookers to take one little dip, since it looked so relaxing, so easy , only to stray too far and get struck by a sudden riptide, dragging down the ignorant into a watery grave. 

It was terrifying, it was beautiful . Doubly so when those eyes were all that Wei Ying could see. 

He couldn’t make out the being’s face nor his figure. Not when it was enveloped by a mist so dark that the only form of light capable of piercing through were those golden eyes. It wasn’t too dissimilar to squid-ink, now that Wei Ying thought about it. Plumes of blackish-blue clouds engulfing any unsuspecting swimmers, knocking them off course, unable to tell which way was up or down, to move forward or back. 

Wei Ying subconsciously leaned forward, a helpless moth in the face of an inviting flame, so enthralled was he by the sight, that he did not pay any heed to the brief flash of recognition, of disbelief, in those golden depths. Did not pay any mind to the smooth, pale hand faintly brushing against his cheek, achingly familiar. Long fingers traced the path of dried blood running down the side of Wei Ying’s head, until they were softly tapping at the wound on his temple. 

Wei Ying had been staring into the abyss for so long, he failed to register those two points of light blinking back into the shadows.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o

It took a while for his mind to crawl back to consciousness. Wei Ying fully expected for there to be a godsforsaken ache equivalent to a pickaxe slammed into his skull or a gnawing, persistent throbbing in his temples demanding attention the moment one opens their eyes. 

Instead, when Wei Ying’s moonstone eyes cracked open, he woke up feeling rejuvenated and fully alert. Like long-awaited rain washing over a cracked and withering field.

It was easily the best sleep of Wei Ying’s life. 

Feeling that both his hands were now free, wary fingers prodded at the bump on his temple, checking for any damage. 

Only to be met with smooth, unbroken skin.

Wei Ying shot up, pupils blown wide. Head veering left and right, wildly taking in his new surroundings. 

He was sitting on a bed covered with pitch black sheets made of satin, the canopy drawn, but Wei Ying could still see through the azure, silken sheets. 

It was a windowless bedchamber, five times the size of his pitiful, dingy room back at the Jiang household, with muted grey walls and flooring, seemingly made out of stone. 

The closets, nightstand, chairs and low table looked as if they were also made out of this mystifying grey stone, protruding from the walls and floors, completely carved from the material. The bronze mirror appeared to be the only piece of furniture not made out of stone.

Looking down at himself, Wei Ying finally registered that he was no longer wearing those suffocating wedding garments along with another peculiar observation.

To be fair, he didn’t put up much of a struggle, but his movements while chained did result in his wrists to turn raw and swollen, yet Wei Ying could only see unblemished, milky-white skin. 

Did… he heal me? He wondered, lightly stroking his fingers against the no-longer-tender skin. Why? To earn my favour? Ensure that I warmed up to him quicker?

Then again, if he was powerful enough to change the sky, healing a few bumps and bruises would be childsplay. 

Maybe Black Water just didn’t want any defects on his new merchandise. Wei Ying thought, distantly. Caught between incredulity and exasperation. Now realising that he was put into yet another fancy outfit.

Tentatively drawing back the curtains, feet now on the ground, Wei Ying crossed the cold, rugless floor to the bronze mirror, gauging his current appearance. 

Ocean blue outer robes with hints of seafoam green and inner robes the colour of midnight starting from the top, turning into lighter, daytime shades as it reaches the bottom. Leaping fish made of silver and dark blue thread were stitched on the outer robes’ wide sleeves and shoulders, some fish holding what looked like seaweed in their mouths, while the ends of the robe had more seaweed embroidery, appearing as if they were swaying with the water’s currents. He had on a bright blue belt with silver accents and…a fish’s spine overlaying the sash, the bones of its caudal fin curled around the start of the spine like a claw. Blue and grey tassels with white and black pearls dangling off the belt.

Carefully running his hands upon the spinal segments, Wei Ying felt a strange-yet-pleasant shock zap through his skin. As if he had just brushed against a metal pole whilst a thunderstorm was churning above him. 

Attempting to move past how off-kilter he felt, Wei Ying looked back at the bronze mirror. 

Still gawking, Wei Ying gingerly grazed his fingers against the new accessories cradling his ears. Pearlescent ear cuffs in the shape of fish with long curtain-like fins, the ones that only emperors and nobles would keep as decorations in their private ponds. Their billowing tails delicately wrapped around the shell of his ears, the fins resting beneath his lobes. Lightly turning his head to the side, Wei Ying noticed that his hair was mostly let down, only timidly gathered at the base of his neck, a seaweed-shaped hair clip practically draped across his nape. 

At least it’s comfortable. Wei Ying thought, perturbed and somewhat annoyed. To think that he was dressed up like a doll while unconscious, twice in one day. 

Is this to be his life now? Dress in whatever manner that pleased his new husband with no sayso? Hanging off his arm like a kept-woman, a walking art piece with no thoughts or opinions of his own, that wasn’t expected to do more other than breathe and warm his bed?

Husband…. His mind numbly echoed. Wei Ying tightly gripped the mirror’s frame to prevent himself from swaying on his feet.

Oh gods. He was married. And to a temperamental water demon at that. 

In order to protect their worthless hides, Lianhua village offered Jiang Yanli up on a silver platter to a beast, only for her little brother to step in and nobly take her place. Now whisked off from his -ahem- not so peaceful living situation, finding himself in a queer place, looking like the spoiled wife of a dotting lord, wondering what he ought to do with his new circumstances.

That sounds like one of those questionable novels Liu Mingyan would lend out to jiejie. Also, I didn’t exactly ‘step in’ of my own accord.

At least Mingming now has new writing material to work with. 

His thoughts were taking such a leap to the absurd, Wei Ying felt the unbidden laugh sputter past his lips before quickly slapping a hand on his mouth.

Silver eyes darted towards the only entrance to the room, almost waiting for some kind of demonic servant to knock on the stone doors to deliver Wei Ying to its master, like some prized cargo. 

Isn’t that how those stories go? Wait until your newest guest wakes up before sending them off to the host with no warning?

Okay. Stop….

One breath….

Two…

..three….

By the time he reached a hundred, Wei Ying’s white-knuckled grip around the mirror’s frame loosened. By a hundred and two, his body started uncoiling bit-by-bit.

No knock ever came. That didn’t mean he was going to drop his guard, though.

Worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, Wei Ying started pacing around the room. There was quite a lot of ground to cover. How generous of Demon Xuan.

Could…could it be possible that he was just…forgotten? Merely tossed into a spare, impersonal room, while his new husband had some pretty little concubine to keep him entertained? 

Did he already displease his husband before he even had the chance to greet him properly?

No. He wouldn’t have bothered healing me or letting me sleep if that was the case. Wei Ying thought, mind still racing. Not to mention the attire….

Wei Ying let out a long sigh, which echoed back to him in this grand chamber. Shoulders drooping, he leaned his forehead against the bed frame, its solidity grounding Wei Ying.

He didn’t ask for this! What he wouldn’t give to be back at the village, sitting on the beach with jiejie and her giggling gaggle of friends by her side, a pot of lotus pork soup simmering above a fire.

Maybe if I earn husband-dearest’s ‘affections’, he’ll let me visit her….

Only one way to find out.

Squaring his shoulders, Wei Ying marched towards the wide stone doors, hand poised to push them open, halting just a hair's breadth away at the last second.

Wei Ying instinctively knew that he stood at the edge of a precipice. That the moment he opens the door, he will be sent careening straight into uncharted territory.

A part of him wanted to stay. To keep floating in this pool of uncertainty, at least here, it seems as if he won’t have to keep swimming into the unknown.

But Wei Ying was no coward.

He layed both hands flat on the cold stone, ready to push the double doors with all his might -the stone looked incredibly dense, it would’ve taken at least ten men to make it budge!

Yet, as soon as his hands touched the lifeless grey surface, there was a faint grinding sound as the doors smoothly slid against the hinges. As though this unfamiliar stone recognised Wei Ying as its master. That the lightest of touches was more than enough to make it obey him.

The double doors gradually split open and what met his gaze beyond it seemed so vast and unfathomable that it took Wei Ying a moment to process what he was seeing. 

A sprawling hallway lined with numerous stone doors not too dissimilar to the main entrance of the bedchamber he was in.

The hallways were lit by large crystal formations growing out of the hall’s ceiling and floor, the shape and size reminding Wei Ying of some of the underwater caves he was reckless enough to explore, of stalactites and stalagmites, except unlike them, these crystals didn’t have a rippling limestone appearance, but bear more of a resemblance to frosted glass that contained their own soft, eerie light. Bright enough to illuminate his path, but dull enough to leave the high-ceiling and distant halls in shadow. 

It made Wei Ying compare these crystals to the ones he saw during one lonely winter night. After an argument he had with Jiang Cheng, what was the fight about, he can’t even bother to remember, all he knew was that he stormed out of the Jiang household to cool off and was met with a world of pure white. The entire ground was covered in soft powder akin to crushed diamonds, deep blue icicles dripping off the edges of every roof, the light of the full moon shining down and reflecting off the ice. 

Yet, unlike that night, where the subtle white light brought him peace of mind, these crystals gave off a more distant, melancholic feel. Of providing you with the false assurance of knowing where you’re going, but were in fact, wholly lost and directionless.

The more Wei Ying walked, the more it felt like he was treading a perpetual lane with the same doors, the same walls, the same crystals. Still , he was able to catch a few, minute differences that assured him he wasn’t going in circles. Each door was the size of a palace gate, likely the same width too, all with their own intricate carvings etched into the smooth grey surface. Ships caught in storms with waves as high as mountains aggressively crashing into them from all sides, giant sea serpents locked in territorial fights as they catch each other hunting the same prey, haunting imagery of the seafloor with decaying sunken ships, their wooden skeletons slowly overtaken by seaweed, corals and other forms of aquatic flora, nature gradually staking its claim on those lost vessels, providing a new hub for smaller, more vulnerable creatures. 

He took a left, then a right, then another left, climbed ten flights of stairs, turned one more corrido- and I swear to all the gods twiddling their thumbs up in Heaven, if I find any more stairs I’ll tear all my hair out! Then Demon Xuan will have a bald bride to deal with! Does this hallway even have an end?! Should I just take my chances and go through the next door I see? 

Why does Demon Xuan even need all this space?!

After walking for what felt like hours, Wei Ying finally found a passageway that wasn’t lined with gargantuan doors. The left side of the hall was a smooth, dull grey wall like any other, whilst the right appeared to be made of glass, from floor to ceiling, segmented by oddly-made pillars with strange patterns.

They seem familiar…. Wei Ying thought, running his fingers into the etches and groves of these pillars, images of stalactites and stalagmites flooding his mind once more. Of how the two halves would grow, one from the ceiling, the other from the ground, both simultaneously dragged downwards and reaching up, eventually meeting in the middle till they entwined as one immovable column. 

Only what was beneath his fingertips, what was meant to be dripping water, meant to show signs of steady growth, of life , felt cold, still and dead. Forever petrified where it stands, no longer able to evolve into something more. 

Unnerved by where his thoughts were heading, Wei Ying decided to shift his focus on the glass from which these odd pillars were attached to. The more he looked, the more Wei Ying felt disheartened. Keen eyes attempted to parse through the darkness. There were no signs of a faint moon glow or even the glimmer of a single star. 

No wonder this place seems so melancholic. If my mere existence would result in the sky blotting itself out, I would feel pretty gloomy, too.

Now wondering what time of day it was -perhaps he slept through the night- something���unnerving caught his gaze. It was bizarre, completely alien, so utterly outside the realm of possibility for an orphaned fisherman like him to see outside of exaggerated illustrations, yet there it was. 

A long, skeletal fish about the size of a cottage, slithered past the window. Its head was the ugliest thing Wei Ying had ever seen. Broad, pushed back and slanted with what appeared to be a highly flexible jaw, giving it the ability to swallow prey as big as a horse with one gulp, its teeth were narrow and sharp with large gaps in between, allowing it to slice tender meat between their lips to bits. The creature’s entire body emitted a sinister radiance, its hollow eyes housing twin spectral lights. The behemoth was followed by a school of smaller bonefish similar in appearance, presumably its brood. 

It was the cold press of grey stone onto his spine that snapped Wei Ying back to the present. Realising that he’d been backing away from the window that whole time, the reality of his situation finally sunk in. 

I'm not looking at a veiled sky. Wei Ying thought numbly. I’m at the bottom of the sea.

The chasm between all that he knew and where he was at now was only getting wider, to the point that Wei Ying wondered if he’ll still be able to leap back. If he would ever be permitted to. 

Just as when it seemed like he was about to slip into another panic-induced spiral, something cool and slippery licked the back of his hand.

Wei Ying could’ve sworn that his very soul jumped out of his skin and crumpled up like wet paper. He probably lost ten years of his life from how startled he was.

Praying that this wasn’t something that was sampling him, beads of sweat trickling down his brow, Wei Ying creakingly twisted his head to the thing’s direction, trying to make sense of what his eyes were telling his mind for what felt like the nth time in this bizarre place.

A glowing, iridescent, bell-shaped body, resembling water droplets capturing all the colours produced by the sun’s light, shrinking and expanding like the beatings of a heart at ease,  curly tendrils as long as a man’s legs swaying just beneath its body.

For the second time that night, Wei Ying felt a slight, hysterical laugh squeeze past his lips.

A jellyfish… floating in the air.

Sure. Why not? This place is chock-full of eccentricities. Best that I get used to it, since this seems to be my life now.

There have been far too many surprises for him to even care that it just brushed its potentially poisonous coils against his bare hand. 

Maybe Wei Ying should just call it a night and slink back to his new room. Crawl into that comfy bed and, with luck, he might be able to convince himself that this was all a dream.

The jellyfish was observing him (Wei Ying wasn’t sure how he knew that, it’s not like he can see the thing’s eyes ). It started floating around him in slow, languid circles. A part of him felt like he should still be on guard, but the way the creature was acting seemed guileless, dare he say almost child-like.

As it made its turns, the gelatinous surface glowed brighter, one dominant color sprouted from its head in misshapen splotches, spreading all over the creature’s body until it was coated in varying shades of blue. 

It stopped right in front of Wei Ying, wiggling its body back-and-forth, tendrils swishing in the air with every sway, as if it were showing off.

Is it…trying to say we match?

“Uhh…It looks good on you..?” Wei Ying mumbled, feeling ridiculous after saying that. Maybe he should get his head checked. Who knows if this thing even understands human-speech.

The jellyfish-thing-spirit(?) trembled excitedly, its bell-shaped body inflating the way a child would proudly puff out their chest after winning a silly game.

Its odd behavior felt somewhat endearing that Wei Ying couldn’t help the breathless chuckle from coming out. The tension between his shoulders easing. 

Finally, a moment of sweetness in the midst of all the muffled bitterness and uncertainty that threatened to swallow him whole.

The jellyfish drifted closer, gingerly wrapping itself around his arm, having learnt its lesson on not to startle him. 

It started tugging him away from the windows, Wei Ying let it guide him to a different hallway. Adding its own bright light among the dim crystals’ glow decorating their path.

Must’ve taken too long. Black Water probably sent this thing to come find me. He thought, studying the spirit. Whilst its body seemed wet and cool, none of that dampness seeped into his new robes and it seemed much more approachable compared to the other sea creatures under his new husband’s command.

Hopefully those bonefish weren’t also air-swimmers like his companion here. Wei Ying would rather have meters’ thick glass between him and them whenever they choose to grace him with their fleshless presence, thank you very much. 

“You know…out of all the grotesqueries I’ve seen in this place, you are by far the most friendly-looking. Maybe I can convince my lord husband to let me keep you.” Wei Ying mused out loud, mostly to fill in the silence. 

The creature appeared to approve of the idea, judging by how it eagerly squeezed itself around his arm, practically hugging the limb.

They eventually stopped at a set of doors that were easily double the size of the previous ones Wei Ying had seen. He took a moment to study the iconography, an emperor, his wife and what looked like their two daughters, in the midst of a grand feast. Oddly enough, the seat meant for the heir was left empty.

The dining hall. 

He’s in there. 

The jellyfish gently detached itself from him, hovering by his side now. Beads of sweat ran their cold fingers down his back. 

It wasn’t the journey that made Wei Ying’s heart constrict, but what lay waiting for him at the end. He took a deep breath and was about to knock on the door, to wait for the inevitable clipped voice to tell him to ‘enter’.

His new companion stopped him, softly nudging away his raised fist. The creature brushed one of its coils against the grey surface, taking cues from Wei Ying as if it were his own personal servant, wanting to open the door for him.

(You need not stand on ceremony nor feel like a stranger in your own home. His lord husband would eventually remark to Wei Ying later on in their marriage, a harsh edge lurking beneath whispered-tones. You are this Manor’s master just as much as me. Act like it.)

The colossal doors let out a low yawn as they split down the middle and Wei Ying was bombarded by an assortment of scents. 

The savoury aroma of smoked fish and chicken roasted on a spit, coupled with whiffs of enriching herbs and seasonings, their distinct citrus notes lively and invigorating, titillating Wei Ying’s vacant stomach. Traces of floral scents interwoven with the striking, yet delectable smell of freshly baked cakes that he could almost feel their honeyed flavours dance across the surface of his tongue. The heady fragrance of various wines, their familiar woodsy undertones tickling his nostrils. 

Wei Ying’s mouth started watering. Very much aware of the fact that hadn’t eaten in hours.

He clenched his hands, digging his fingernails into his palms to get himself back to focus.

A great, pillarless chamber capable of hosting a great army while also leaving plenty of room for servants to scurry around at their beck and call. Yet, there was only one Western-style long table as opposed to the standard low dining tables arranged in neat rows. 

And a lone occupant sitting at the helm.

Their eyes locked as his host stood and Wei Ying felt all mental faculties screech to a grinding halt.

Wei Ying needed a moment to simply take in this Calamity, this man, this husband of his…..

He had thought those molten pools of gold for eyes would be the most bewitching feature, he couldn’t be more wrong. Flawless ivory-white skin that would enrage even the most regal of princesses, a deceptively wiry frame that reminded Wei Ying of a fragile willow branch, but knew he should never take it at face value. A smooth mouth and brow with no laugh lines or forehead wrinkles to be found, perfectly straight nose, pointed ears and sharp angular features, as if he were an impeccable bust cut and carved from the purest of jades, straight ink-black hair that flowed downwards to the small of his back. 

The top of those dark locks were encircled by a golden dragon-shaped guan, holding a gleaming pearl between its jaws. The dragon looked as if it were swallowing the moon. A groom’s wedding robes that were mostly red, embroidered in golden thread were majestic phoenixes, their bright wings spread in triumph, a stark contrast to the vermillion outer robes, whereas the inner robe seemed to be made of a different material all-together, of small, rigid plates seamlessly overlapping each other, reminding Wei Ying of finely crafted chain-mail or fish scales. The top of the inner robe seemed to be a red that matched the outer, yet as it flowed downwards, the shade changed from vermillion to ruby, to mahogany until the slitted edges appeared as if they were dipped in ink. Completed with a pure black belt studded with squared-golden plates that had water dragon motifs engraved into the precious metal, red and white pearls artfully looped around the belt, their tail ends dangling from it like chains. 

The surface of Wei Ying’s tongue had suddenly gone dry, breath shuddering, struggling to swallow around the lump in his throat.

What the hell was that back at the cliff?! There…..there’s no way that this is what he actually looks like, right?!

Yes! Yes! That’s right! Ghosts and demons can be such vain creatures….only shifting into forms that suit their own self-absorbed tastes…. 

So caught up in his new groom’s appearance, he almost didn’t register the other man glide his way towards him till there was only a foot of space between them. Golden eyes meticulously studied his form. 

Black Water started speaking.

His mouth is moving! He’s talking to you! Snap out of it, Wei Wuxian! 

“-any discomfort?” 

Wei Ying blinked owlishly and in his infinite wisdom decided to reply back to the clear question with a:

“Huh…?”

That smooth brow furrowed in what looked like slight concern, but Wei Ying was sure it was annoyance. Their first exchange and he was already making a fool of himself. 

Wonderful.

Maybe he needs to start laying it on thick? Does he have to make himself look pitiful to this Ghost King and beg his forgiveness for not paying attention? Should he put on a coquettish mask? Start cooing and twittering like a brainless little bird?

Many men never tire from listening to songs that boast of how great and merciful they are. Was Black Water one of those men?

The older male stepped right into his space, close to the point that they were almost nose-to-nose. Wei Ying stiffened, biting his tongue so he wouldn’t dig himself a deeper grave.

He shut his eyes.

Might as well get it over with….

Fully expecting Black Water to steal a kiss -along with whatever else that was demanded of him- Wei Ying instead felt a slim finger delicately stroke his now-healed temple in what almost felt like a lover’s caress. 

Moonstone eyes fluttered open, confused.

Black Water wasn’t even looking at him. Too occupied in assessing whatever damage was left to meet his new bride’s perplexed gaze.

“I was asking if your injuries are still causing you any discomfort? Healing has never exactly been my specialty.” He answered Wei Ying’s poorly phrased question. His words quiet and rich with a touch of gruffness, the deep bass almost caused his skin to vibrate from how close both their faces were. 

Wei Ying’s breath hitched, goosebumps breaking out for a different reason now.

Frowning at Wei Ying’s lack of response, Black Water started reaching for his wrists to inspect them.

“No need for that!” He blurted, stuffing his hands inside the wide sleeves of his robes, like frightened snails ducking back into their shells. He rocked backwards, balancing his weight on his heels, hoping Black Water wouldn’t notice his ‘subtle’ attempt at giving himself more space. 

Doing what he does best, Wei Ying plasters on his winning smile and starts blathering:

“Lao Gong is so proficient! More than capable of erasing every scrap and bruise on this delicate wife!” 

“.........”

The longer the silence went on, the more Wei Ying could feel his very soul start wilting, like a plucked flower that was left to dry out in the sun for too long. 

The elder’s brow furrowed deeper as a complicated look crossed his face, but Wei Ying couldn’t possibly discern if Black Water was pleased with the compliment or not. He might have better luck deciphering the symbolic meaning behind every carving that he walked past in his nerve-wracking journey to get here.

Their sudden muteness could have gone on indefinitely were it not for the abrupt break in tension.

A mortifying gurgle rumbled through the lofty chamber, its echoes reverberating back to Wei Ying’s burning ears.

Wei Ying slapped a hand on his hollowed stomach, as if that would silence its cries for food. He started praying for the floor to open up and swallow him whole.

Oh. Just put me out of my misery already…! 

“Pfff-!” Black Water just barely managed to stop his laughter from escaping. Covering his mouth and giving an utterly convincing performance of ‘Oh, dear! It seems I’ve suddenly got the coughs!’. 

Laugh it up now , you bully! Wei Ying mentally whined. What kind of host stuffs his gullet while leaving his guest, his new wife , to wander around his home without at least feeding them first?! 

If Wei Ying weren’t keeping himself in check, he would’ve thrown a fit and cussed out Black Water straight to his face. So focused was he on not vocalising his wounded pride, that Wei Ying couldn’t stop his lips from pouting slightly.

Noticing his new bride’s upset, He Xuan promptly wiped away any traces of humour on his face and cleared his throat. 

“What a relief. It seems I’m not the only one with a voracious appetite.” He gestures to the awaiting feast. “After you, Lao Po. ”  

End of Part I.

Worldbuilding Notes for this AU:

1. WWX DOES indeed have some cultivation training, but it's half-assed and incomplete. Essentially a hodgepodge between some techniques his parents taught him, tips that he got from some generous rogue cultivators and what he learned on his own. He barely has any knowledge of ghosts, demons and anything spiritual-beast related. Good thing he married a scholar!

2. The five fishing villages are a direct homage to the five clans in MDZS:

Lianhua = Lotus Flower/Jiang Clan

Huīshuǐ = Grey Water/Nie Clan

Lántiān = Blue Skies/Lan Clan

Rìluò = Sunset/Wen Clan

Jinyǔmáo = Gold Feather/Jin Clan

3. Before ya'll got on my case and ask how the hell did HX acquire all those expensive jewellery/robes, etc. The sea IS his domain. I can totally see him ordering his Bonefish to gather all the oysters and mussels they could find for the pearls. The rest have an in-universe explanation and/or HX just increased his debt to HC tenfold.

4. Lao Gong = Husband / Lao Po = Wife

My justifications for the jellyfish-spirit...? WWX needs a friend. Ya'll want him to wander around Nether Water Manor all by his lonesome while hubby's out..? Even XL can just go talk to Yin Yu and/or Ghost City residents whenever HC's not around!!

WWX is confused. WWX is panicking. He be asking: "Should I be wary of this man or jump his bones...?" Who knows?

Now. This whole thing was mainly setup, but there ARE plot-related reasons as to WHY there's a ritual and why HX seems completely okay with his marriage to WWX specifically. If ya managed to catch some of the hints, congrats. If not, stick around for the next instalment.

Hope you enjoyed! If ya did, please leave a like/comment! Many thanks~

[bethanythebogwitch]

Today's Wet Beast Wednesday is about sea otters. I was originally going to do this last week in honor of the 24th birthday of Rosa, the world's oldest sea otter (and one of the oldest sea otters on record) but, well, I forgot. But better late than never.

(Image: a sea otter on its back, yawning)

The sea otter (Enhydra lutris) is one of only two otters to live in salt water, the other being the rare and poorly-understood marine otter (Lontra felina). Otters are aquatic mammals of the family Mustelidae, which makes them cousins to weasels, badgers, wolverines, and martens. While many mustelids can swim, otters have adapted to a primarily aquatic lifestyle. Sea otters are divided into three subspecies: the Asian sea otter (Enhydra lutris lutris) which lives from northernmost Japan up through the northwest Pacific, northern sea otter (E. l. kenyoni) which lives from Alaska down to Oregon, and the southern sea otter (E. l. nereis), found in California.

(image: a sea otter relaxing on a rock)

The sea otter is one of the smallest marine mammals (only the marine otter is smaller), yet it is also the heaviest of all mustelids. Males are larger than females, averaging between 1.2 and 1.5 meters (3'11" to 4'11") and 22 to 45 kg (49 to 99 lbs). Females average 1 to 1.4 m (3'3" to 4'7") and 14 to 33 kg (31 to 73 lbs). I honestly thought they were around the size of cats and was surprised to find out how big they can get. Otters are the most recent of the marine mammals and have not developed the thick layer of blubber other marine mammals use to keep themselves warm. Instead, sea otters warm themselves with the densest fur of any mammal, with almost a million hairs per square inch. The fur has two distinct layers: a longer layer of waterproof guard hairs and a shorter underfur layer. The guard hairs keep the underfur dry and trap air between the layers. This air gets heated by the otters body heat and provides an extra layer of insulation. This is the same principle that wet suits work on. The air layer also provides some added buoyancy. Sea otters are positively buoyant and can float on the surface of the water. There are many other adaptations to an aquatic lifestyle that sea otter have. Their feet are webbed and have long digits, allowing them to act as flippers but also making them slower and more clumsy on land. The front claws have retractable claws and pads that let them grab onto slippery objects. When swimming, they use their entire real bodies, but primarily their hind feet, for propulsion. They can hold their breath for up to five minutes and have whiskers used to search for food in darker water. Their ears and nostrils close when submerged to keep water out. While sea otter can, and often do, move around on land, they are capable of living their entire lives in the water. Some evolutionary biologists think sea otters represent an early stage of marine mammal development and can compare them to more established marine mammals like cetaceans and pinnipeds.

(image: a wet weasel holding a sea urchin)

Sea otters are carnivores whose diet consists mostly of hard-shelled invertebrates, though they will also eat fish. They forage for food on the sea floor in dives that usually last a minute. Their paws give them an advantage over other marine mammals, who can only use their mouths for capturing prey. Otters by contrast can pick up and move rocks and dig into the sediment. They are the only marine mammals to catch prey with their paws instead of teeth. Otters carry prey to the surface and eat while floating on their backs. Famously, they use rocks to break open the hard shells of their prey, making them one of the relatively few mammals to use tools (though tool use is proving to be more common than previously thought). Under each arm is a pouch of loose skin that is used to hold prey and rocks. Each otter has a favorite rock that they carry with them. Sea otters have blunt teeth used to crush through prey's shells.

(image: an otter dining on crab)

While sea otters do spend a lot of time in groups, they are not considered truly social animals as they forage, groom, and defend themselves on their own instead of with help. Groups of otters are called rafts that typically have between 10 and 100 members, but can reach up to 2000 members. Rafts are single sex, each having only male or female members. When resting, raft members will hold hands to keep themselves from drifting apart. One social behavior they engage in is play, which is done frequently. Mating season happens in autumn. During summer and autumn, males will attempt to establish territories and push other males out. Females mover between territories at will. Males without territories will swim around and attempt to find females in heat. Males will attempt to mate with multiple females. During estrus, the males and females will bond through play and sometimes aggressive behavior. When mating, the male will bite the female's head, which can leave scars. Otters are capable of delayed embryo implantation, where they can wait for several months between conception and the embryo beginning development. Pregnancy lasts four months and typically results in a single pup. While males are absentee fathers, females are very caring mothers who spend almost all their time caring for their pups. The only time she leaves her pup will be when diving. The pup will be left floating on the surface, often wrapped with kelp to keep it from floating away. The baby will cry for its mother until she comes back. The mother will teach her pup how to dive and forage as it ages. Pups will stay with their mothers for 6 to 8 months (longer in colder areas), and sometimes until they are fully developed. Childless females will foster orphaned pups. Females reach sexual maturity at age 3-4 and males around age 5. They average 10 - 15 years in the wild and can live significantly longer in captivity. The oldest living sea otter is Rosa, living in the Monterey Bay Aquarium, who is 24 years old. The oldest sea otter on record was a female named Etika who lived to be 28.

(image: two sea otters holding hands)

(image: a sea otter mother sleeping with its baby on its stomach)

Sea otters are a classic example of an endangered species. They have been hunted throughout history for their fur. Eventually, this reduced the world population to less than 2000 individuals. They are now the target of conservation measures worldwide and local and international protections, which has helped the population rebound. They still have not regained their historical population or range, though reintroduction measures have helped them reestablish in historical territories. The southern sea otters are the most endangered. Famously, almost all southern sea otters alive today are descended from a group of 50 discovered in 1938, when the subspecies was almost extinct. Sea otters are classified as endangered by the IUCN. Sea otters are a keystone species, having a major ecological impact on their habitats. Famously in California, the near-extinction of southern sea otters resulted in a population boon of sea urchins (their primary prey) which proceeded to kill vast areas of kelp forest. Curren threats include predation, pollution, and habitat loss. Oil spills are particularly devastating to sea otters, as the oil destroys the air layer in their fur, destroying their ability to keep themselves warm.

(image: an employee with MBARI releasing a rehabilitated sea otter back into the wild)

[zombearzilla]

Tagged by the rocking @lucifersmaid thank you!💜

Last song listened to:

Currently watching:

Only Murders In The Building

My whole family hounded me to watch it so I’m two episodes in 😂

Last movie watched?

I think it’s still Deadpool and Wolverine. Haven’t had time to watch another movie lately, although I did buy sooo many blurays recently 🙈

Sweet, spicy, savory?

I have a huge sweet tooth, but I also love savoury food and don’t mind a bit of spice too. I just fucking love food honestly.

Relationship status?

Single and slowly being convinced to make myself available.

Current obsession?

Trying to stop with the tattoo splurge now, which is difficult but I need to slow the fuck down. I turned my obsessive eye back to blurays but I don’t have anywhere to put them yet so I need something else. Any suggestions?

Last thing I googled?

Tenderstem broccoli. Was looking for some inspiration but just cooked it the way I usually do, grilled with some olive oil and sea salt.

I tag @theredheadedhellcat @sarawr-saurus @ongoingpanicattack @xvampycandyx @crepuscularpete @learningfromlosing @cobwebs-and-cupcakes @pollypocketsand @ovsilenceandblack @moss-wizard @make-a-fist @video-store-clerk @flower-bride @cedartreestealeaves @tattooedzombigirl @sickest-saddest-worldliest @heart-in-atrophyy @mellowxjanex @anopossumslastbraincell @xlittle-ghost @gore-in-gorgeous @symphonic-divide @notyourdruidess @amusingtheamazing @liftingweights-and-coffeedates @roseflowerthorns @batsinmypants @sweetlilnectarine @sweetdreamofotherness @mad-again @sagittarius-soul77 @cleverbabygh0ul

[missroserose]

tagged by @wastemanjohn—you know I can't resist a good music post 😘

Rules: go here and make a poll with your top 10 most listened-to artists (long term!) and let your followers choose:

(don't worry, love, Bowie was on there too, just not in the top ten)

tagging: @skybound2, @blahblahblahcollapse, @klove0511, @lord-angelfish, @ihni, @youweremovingyourfeet, @introvertia, @sea-salted-wolverine, @pearlsandpetticoats, @1200microgramsandchill, @sirsparklepants, @atimewillcomeforsinging

[florasongs]

I think I just booped @sea-salted-wolverine about 200 times trying to hit the boop quota...

Get bapped

[ashthewaterghoul]

https://www.tumblr.com/sea-salted-wolverine/765610245743640576/my-fucking-cat-has-figured-out-how-to-gently-dig?source=share

This is so dew and copia

Oh my god absolutely, I LOVE it 🤩

[ihasafandom]

Draw greenhouse?

I will not dox my neighbour and post pictures of his house because I am not an asshole, but he just put an addition on his already batshit insane house and I am dying to share.

He lives in a 1950 PanAm passenger plane. I have no fucking clue how he got it here, because we're nowhere near a runway and it still has its wings and its landing gear. The living space is a solid 15 feet off the ground and he has one of those old school staircase vans as his front step. I would assume its not terribly different from living in a trailer or other mobile home, but its way better insulated because its a plane.

Anyway, he just finished a glassed in porch that comes out of the pilots side of the cockpit and its so cool. This isn't some gimmicky airbnb, this is his house and the commitment to the bit is legendary.

His greenhouse is a fire engine.

[iamthepulta]

Tagged by @sea-salted-wolverine. Thanks! This was fun!

Last song I listened to:

Eastward of Eden, by Amelia Day

Favorite color:

Deep green or teal blue. I really love teal.

Currently watching:

I'm so bad at watching shows. ^^" I guess when I watch with E, we're watching Mashle (anime) and Reddit Stories from Smosh, which isn't really a series but E and I have ended up treating it like one.

I'd love to watch Dungeon Meshi, this chemistry/poisoning anime, and more game lets plays but I'm horrible at watching media now. It makes me sad.

Spicy/savory/sweet:

Savory! Sweet is great, but my body has a strict limit.

Relationship status:

Am have boyfriend, name: E. He's really sweet. I love him. ♥

Current obsession:

Lizzie Twaddle (from my Liztlie AU fic) in a parka

Gen Zed in the mining industry. I have so many opinions lol, especially after this weekend. Fascinating topic that possibly requires two independent research teams, three control groups, and several mining engineers to dissect. I wish I knew what more of them thought of The State of The Industry. I feel like at some point I'm going to get an insta to be "slightly mainstream" to satisfy my never-ending curiosity and 'maintain a soapbox'. I don't want to, but I want to know them.

Ea-Nasir 👍

For this I will tag: @justanormalseagull, @harvestar, @oleworm, @olive-drab-punk and anyone else who sees this and thinks it'd be fun!

(I was braindead last night. Adding @thestudyofbasements :P)

[animerunner]

@sea-salted-wolverine

Moving this out of the replies because it was getting too long.

I acknowledged a while back that tag has occasionally good points. And I see some good points made outside the tag as well. But I ended up muting it not because of a lack of good points. But I think it was some mix of what I was seeing both in and out of the tag.

Some of it I think was a mix of why certain tags and tropes were being used in conjunction with certain characters. Idk I didn’t hang out in the owl house critical tag regularly I’m just going off of outside the tag experiences if that makes sense.

I think some of the issue is not understanding why a trope or character might be in play. (Lord knows how many times I had to explain why Raine being possessed works on a narrative payoff. Like yes they should have done more with them that wasn’t angst. But some people just missed the point)

I think some of this comes down to not understanding why the writers picked a trope or character to use. And realizing that there are issues but ironically considering the tags name not thinking full critcial on why the writers might have gone with it.

Like another good example I can think of is people complaining that the Hexsquad wasn’t as involved in the finale. But also complaining about how much Hunter was picked on. Because if you drag the Hexsquad in you drag him in too.

Like bud

You can’t have both.

Idk if what I’m trying to say is making sense I’m sick again.

[hwats-the-big-idea]

My autistic ass has been up to some crazy shit these past few days. I started playing planet zoo and not even a week into the game the computer goes caput. Frame rate on every single game is absolutely horrendous, games don't even load past a single frame for 20 mins, and there's no internet to the computer yet (we just bought a dongle and are waiting on the delivery) so we can't fix it at all rn. Well, my hyperfixation just couldn't handle this absolute nonsense, if I couldn't play the game (I literally stay up for 2 days at a time playing nonstop lmao) I'd invest my time elsewhere. With a new dlc right around the corner and the games end on the horizon, I wrote a huge post on what dlcs I think pz needs before it finishes. I've been researching animals and pz for days, I'm happy to have some new animal facts under the belt now as well. Well, I went to post it to reddit and I just... can't. I get an unknown error. It's in reddit character limits but maybe the specific sub limits characters. Well I would've posted it and split it in half with the second half in the comments but I can only post dlc wishlist on Wednesday uk time 😭 by the time I finished everything it was already 4 am across the pond.

I really, really just want to document my crazy autistic ramblings and surmise my opinion as the most correct one as always lol, so I'm gonna post my post here and hopefully I'll be able to figure it out next Wednesday. I don't see a strong pz community here in tumblr so I'll probably be talking to myself but what else is new? Here goes. Is a long one, bois. Sorry the format is unpleasant here:

Here I list every dlc I think I’d want/would do good for the game before it ends. I go into 2025 with my wishlist just because I don’t think the game can really fully finish by 2024 even though I’ve seen some speculation we might just be getting one more year of dlcs. I’ve gone on to wrap up this year, speculate for 2024, as well as 2025.

This will be a long post, an opinion piece over predictions of what I genuinely think will come, and I’ll discuss my reasons why I chose everything after I list the dlcs. I’ve taken inspiration from wishlists, what bigger names in the community have been predicting, and just what I hope to see come to the game. In my speculations I focus mostly on diversity, uniqueness in looks and mechanics, as well as what we need from rigs for mods. I’ve tried to be as inclusive as I could in my selections so I hope there’s people who will enjoy what I’ve come up with! I’ve also only recently started playing the game so I don’t understand it in as intimate a way as long time players may and I’m probably overlooking some scenery items, so take my scenery speculation with a grain of salt. I’d love to hear opinions on it all.

…

2023 dlc wrap ups

Temperate scenery pack

-Sea otter (headliner)

-European red squirrel

-Tanuki

-Collared peccary or European wild boar

Exhibit

-Chipmunk walkthrough exhibit.

Tundra animal pack

-Pacific walrus (headliner)

-Wolverine

-Musk ox

-Arctic hare

-Southern rockhopper penguin

-Tundra swan, snow goose, Canada goose, or duck (harlequin, mandarin, wood, or mallard)

-American white pelican

Exhibit

-Pika, chinchilla, or white winter dwarf hamster

…

2024 dlcs

Taiga scenery pack

-Pallas cat (headliner)

-Golden takin

-Fisher cat, stoat, or European pine marten

-Yellow bellied marmot/alpine marmot

(Alternate species:

-North American porcupine

-American black bear)

Exhibit

-Japanese rhinoceros beetle

Islands animal pack

-Tasmanian devil (headliner)

-Japanese giant salamander

-Cuban crocodile

-Malayan civet/Asian palm civet

-Fairy penguin

-Goodfellow’s/matschie’s tree kangaroo

-American flamingo

(Alternate species:

-Coconut crab

-Coquerel’s sifaka

-Sumatran rhinoceros

-Marine iguana)

Exhibit

-Tenrec

Scrublands scenery pack

-Saiga antelope (headliner)

-Gerenuk

-Alligator snapping turtle

-Roadrunner or burrowing owl

(Alternate species:

-Banded mongoose)

Exhibit

-desert tortoise or thorny devil

Rainforests animal pack

-Olive/hamadryas baboon (headliner)

-Coati mundi

-Bush dog

-Sloth bear

-Common squirrel monkey or black handed spider monkey,

-Golden lion/emperor tamarin

-Muntjac

Exhibit

-Leaf cutter ants, thorny stick insect, or giant prickly stick insect

…

2025 dlcs to wrap up the game with

To preface 2025 would see dlcs that have huge game changing mechanics, it’s definitely just personal desires since it’d be a tall order for the year, but these are all things that so many people have really been asking for and I think are are things that we would all rather enjoy for the game before it ends. We wouldn’t be seeing very many animals in any of the packs (not like we have for the terrestrial animals), but with the right selections it would allow modders to really expand the library after the games end.

Barnyard scenery pack

-American Pygmy goat or boer goat (headliner)

-Jacob sheep

-Miniature donkey or Shetland pony

-Vietnamese pot bellied pig

Exhibit: touch pools

-Southern stingray or cownose stingray

-White spotted bamboo shark or brown banded bamboo shark

-Ochre sea star (or other sea star)

-Aggregating anemone or slate pencil urchin

-Atlantic horseshoe crab

Ground bird animal pack

-Secretary bird (headliner)

-Darwin’s rhea

-Shoebill

-Marabou stork

-Roseate spoonbill

-Southern ground hornbill

-Kiwi or kakapo

Exhibit: cage exhibits

-Golden pheasant

-Raggiana bird of paradise

-Ocellated turkey

-Scarlet ibis

-Victorian crowned pigeon

Aquariums animal and scenery pack

-Bottlenose dolphin (headliner)

-West Indian manatees

-Beluga

-Manta ray

-Loggerhead sea turtle

-Hammerhead shark

-Black sea bass or black grouper

Exhibit: aquarium exhibits

-Yellow seahorse

-Compass jellyfish

-Giant pacific octopus

-Moray eel

-Tropical fish (clownfish, blue hippo tang, moorish idol, etc)

Aviary animal and scenery pack

-Scarlet macaw, blue and yellow macaw, hyacinth macaw morphs (headliner)

-Bald eagle or California condor

-Toco toucan

-Barn owl or great horned owl

-Laughing kookaburra

-Puffin

-Blue jay

Exhibit: walkthrough bird exhibit

-Sun conure

-Rainbow lorikeet

-Parakeet

-Sulfur crested cockatoo

-Ecuadorian amazon parrot

…

These are all the packs that I have come up with that I think would be good enough to end planet zoo by the end of 2025. They don’t include anywhere near all the animals that we ultimately desire as a community but I think that the species are diverse enough to be able to mod most anything we want in. I’ll go on and talk about each pack individually now and why I chose what I did/what I think each pack would include.

…

Temperate

A lot of people think that temperate and tundra will be the next inclusions, so they’re where I went with my speculation. For the temperate pack I’ve made it a scenery pack since that will be next if the scenery-animal pack trend continues. For this pack I’ve included a few animals I think are necessary for the game. First I’ve included the sea otter, an animal we could never see through mods, and one people want to see. I’ve also included the tanuki, I think it’s an animal that a lot of people would just enjoy having in the game. I also have the collared peccary or European wild boar, honestly either of them, or some other pig, would work in this spot, we just need more pigs in the game. And I have the European red squirrel, it’s found in some zoos, and would just be an interesting animal and rig in the game. I also have a chipmunk walkthrough exhibit, an idea from J-Double U, which I think would just flesh out walkthrough exhibits. We’d see bats, butterflies, birds (hopefully), and with this one a mammal so I thought it was a good inclusion. For scenery I think it’d be very nice to see some rustic wood cabin/camping sort of aesthetics. I’m an Oregonian myself so the Oregon zoo is dear to me, and I’d love some scenery that just says “temperate rainforest”. I’ve also just recently started playing the game so maybe I just haven’t had the chance to see every single piece we have yet, but I would love for some more diversity in our wood options, especially in sizes and shapes it all comes in. I’d also like some foliage like blackberries and furze/gorse bushes, California poppies, as well as flexi color wildflowers. As well, I know we lack trees that have a real canopy, I think some canopy trees would be really nice here. I think we could see some other scenery options, but I’d just love lots of stuff themed around a cooler climate. I think we also need some new stone pieces, bricks, and just simple flexi color building materials. I loved what we got in the tropical pack, I’d like to see some of that sort of stuff themed around a temperate climate as well and even more basic in its building capacity. … Tundra For the tundra pack I’ve included the walrus, a very much needed animal in the game, as well as some requests such as the wolverine and the musk ox. I’ve also included the arctic hare because we really could use a lagomorph of some sort. I’ve also included the rockhopper penguin because I think it’s one of the penguin types we’re lacking in diversity, and with frontier’s new animal modeling the yellow feathers would come out great on them. I’ve included the American white pelican, but really any pelican could find their way in this spot. I know the Australian pelican is the community’s desire but the American white fits the tundra theme better. Honestly though whichever pelican finds their place here we’d see the others through mods. It also was just a hard decision in general on the other water fowl. We need swans, geese, and ducks in the game and we don’t have any good rigs for them. I don’t think even the pelican rig would suffice. Honestly if it could be done by frontier I’d love to see at least both one duck and one goose in this pack, but ultimately for moddings sake I think either or would work out just fine. Really I think it’d just be a matter of which frontier personally would want to include, but I’ve dropped my choices down here. For the exhibit animal I’ve included a few options for mammals, I’d love to see more mammalian diversity in the exhibits. I think any of the choices here would be a good option really. I think chinchillas would really stand out but they’re also a somewhat common pet animal so it might be nice to see one of the other too as well.

…

Taiga

The taiga pack was a hard choice, but for the sake of the game and rigs it has to offer I’ve opted for the mustelids and the marmot over the black bear and the porcupine. Since we already have both a porcupine rig and lots of options for a bear rig these animals will easily find their way into the game through mods at its end so I chose the animals I think would offer something more unique to the game. I chose the fisher, pine marten, or stoat here because we really could use a more traditional weasel in the game imo. The Pallas cat is a popular request, so it was a necessary inclusion. I’ve chosen the Japanese rhinoceros beetle as the exhibit animal but because I absolutely love these insects and would want to see them in the game. I think that scenery pieces could represent some part of Eurasia, like Russia or Italy, I imagine we could use some bold, round shapes, with a large selection of rounded building pieces. I think it’d be nice to include some more cold climate pieces especially ones that represent a modern culture and without any Christmas theming to it.

…

Islands

For the islands pack it was a bit of a tossup on certain species. I’m most partial to this pack myself since it includes some of my own highly requested animals: the Tasmanian devil, the Japanese giant salamander, and the Cuban crocodile. The t devil is definitely a very, very requested animal. I also think the giant salamander and Cuban crocodile just also provide something unique we haven’t really seen in the game. For the salamander its a massive amphibian that I’d just love to build for in game, and the crocodile is a smaller croc that would have higher land requirements and a bit of a running-esc animation which I both unique for the game. I’ve included the fairy penguin since they’re such a beautiful bird, probably my favorite penguin, and we just don’t have any very tiny penguins like it in the game. There’s been many requests for various penguins, but I think for the majority of them we could easily find them through mods, the fairy penguin is something more unique in its regard. I’ve also included the tree kangaroo, a request from some, and a civet, which I think both bring a unique arboreal lifestyle to the game. I think having unique animals like them, plus their rigs, in the game is important for it at this point. I think my most controversial inclusion would probably be the American flamingo esp since we can see it through mods and all of the alternative animals I have seen as requests by the community, but personally I think it’s just a crime to the game we don’t have a pink flamingo. They’re what I’m familiar with in zoos and absolutely my preference for flamingos over the greater flamingo. Though I think the coquerel’s sifaka and coconut crab are very interesting animals that would give unique mods to the game. Honestly the flamingo or any of the alternative animals would fill this spot well. I’ve included the tenrec as the exhibit animal because it’s very unique and would provide some mammalian diversity to the exhibits. I think there are so many other good choices here, but personally I’d love to see a mammal.

…

Scrublands

I’d love to see a scrublands theme come to the game personally. Here I’ve included the saiga antelope and the gerenuk, both ungulates, but I think both are very unique ungulate forms and I’d still like to see the diversity with them. I think they’d both provide something interesting to the game and animals fun to build for, especially the gerenuk with its browsing. I think we could even see a browsing enrichment item inspired by the gerenuk come to the game as well to really get a sight at their rearing. I’ve included as well either the roadrunner or the burrowing owl, both unique ground birds I think that would be very fun for the game. Personally I’d prefer to build something for the roadrunner, but I think that burrowing owls might be more iconic and more requested, so I’ve included them both as an option here. Lastly I’ve included the alligator snapping turtle in this lineup. It’s a huge reptile, one I think the game could definitely use for our zoo building, and just so peculiar looking. I think it’d really be a statement animal that I’d love to build for. For the exhibit I’ve picked the desert tortoise or the thorny devil, I’d like to see others. For the scenery I definitely want to see scrublands scenery. We have desert and grass themes items already, but I’ve been living in Texas for just over a year now and I’m enamored by just how beautiful it is here and I don’t think the game really captures just enough scrub/grass/swamp aesthetic. I’d be looking for scenery pieces that really feel like a swampy boat ride through the scrublands, I find foliage like the Texas madrone and the saw palmetto beautiful and definitely could be included in a scrublands pack. Outside of those two I think just any plants you generally find in scrublands, swamps, plains/prairies, pampas, etc would be good. I think with the grasslands pack being an animal pack the scrublands being a scenery pack would bring in lots of new foliage. People also often are sinking trees down into the ground to represent small bush plants, I think with a scrublands pack we could see lots of foliage that can represent what people are doing with trees as actual bushes. I think we could also get more rocks in this pack, rocks that represent the beauty of a place like Utah, and/or some rocks in flexicolor.

…

Rainforest

For the rainforest animal pack I included the muntjac. I know the dik dik is a more highly requested animal but it’s a scrublands animal while the muntjac is a rainforest animal. I also have the alternative of the southern pudu, I’m just most partial to the muntjac personally (I find their scent glands to be so fascinating looking). I also wanted to include either the Chinese water deer or the Siberian musk deer, but I think with the muntjac we would easily see mods for all of these animals honestly. I think any of them could find their place in the slot I allocated for the muntjac. I included lots of primates in this pack, a baboon of some kind is a very requested animal, and personally I just don’t feel like we have enough small primates in the game. The capuchin just isn’t enough for me, so I’ve included another monkey of some kind (squirrel or spider I think would be good choices, though we could see potentially another option), as well as a tamarin. I think both of these animals would just look great in a pz zoo and provide what I think is needed diversity to the primates. I’ve also included the sloth bear here. Honestly it was hard to include just one bear in all of my pack ideas here because sloth bears, black bears, and spectacled bears are all highly requested animals. Really I think any of them could find their way here, especially since rainforests aren’t just limited to tropical jungles and can be temperate forests, but I did limit myself to just one bear choice since we ultimately will have the rigs for more bears to find their way into the game through mods I saw them as a less important inclusion for that reason. Lastly I’ve included in this pack the coati since we really ought to have a coati in the game, as well as the bush dog. They aren’t common in zoos but South America has some of the most unique canids and people just don’t know about them, I think including one (outside of the popular maned wolf) would provide a unique learning opportunity on these amazing animals, plus it’d just be so cool to have a semi aquatic packing canid in the game I’d love to see it. For the exhibit animal I chose leaf cutter ants, though I can see they may be difficult to do because of their size, though I do think leaf bits would help that. If they just aren’t feasible I’ve included a couple stick insect options since I’d also love to see these animals in the game. I chose to make the rainforest pack an animal pack since we already have lots of jungle-like scenery in the game, I wanted to give the scenery spotlight to some other biomes, especially since the tropical pack recently was a scenery pack.

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The next four packs are definitely tall order packs. They’d bring big changes to the game, but I think changes that we as a community would like to see. They’re all highly requested pack themes, and I think that the new mechanics would breathe new life into the game. They’d really let it live for a long time after its completed.

Barnyard

This barnyard pack brings to the game a petting zoo mechanic, as well as barn themed set pieces and some small aquarium set pieces to set up for the aquarium pack itself and to include in the touch pools. I chose a goat, a sheep, a donkey/pony, and a pig over animals like rabbits, chickens, or guinea pigs because I think it’d be much easier to do just a “crouch and pet” animation. Smaller animals would need a much larger change to mechanics so my animal choices are all medium sized. I’ve also included touch pools. I think they would be a great inclusion to the game, and I think fit in the “petting zoo” theme as well. I’ve included some stingrays and sharks which the touch tanks at Stingray Cove in the Denver zoo really inspired me. Really I think that touch pools could be incorporated in a few ways. They could include some construction pieces to make a few touch tanks of different sizes, maybe some dedicated concrete and glass pieces to build them that can contain water like the barriers. The other animal species I’ve included in the touch pools are sea stars, a horseshoe grab, and an anemone or sea urchin, which are all pretty common animals in touch pools. I think similarly to the barnyard animal petting animation, the touch tanks could use the same or similar animation. I think the scenery for this pack would definitely be a lot of barn/farm and touch pool aesthetics.

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Ground birds

Here I’ve included lots of ground bird species that people want to see. Not much to say, I think they’re all pretty common requests, and fulfill the community’s desire for more ground birds. The unique mechanics for this pack come from the new form of exhibits, and exhibit rehaul. I think everyone wants a little bit more out of exhibits, be it changing their sizes, shapes, or more in depth editing for them. The exhibits for the birds in this pack come as cages which would house the exhibit bird species. It was a long time ago and I don’t remember where it was, but I walked down a long alley with all kinds of birds in it and I’d really want to capture that kind of feeling with this. I’ve included a few exhibit bird species here, I don’t think these species would fly, but honestly that’s frontier’s ultimate decision.

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Aquariums

This pack brings the long desired aquariums to the game, and I chose a selection of animals that I think would all provide unique mods to the game. I’d talk about the mechanics for this, but I think that Rudi Rennkamel summarizes it much better, I’ll link that video at the end of this post. In short, I think they would work similarly to the touch pools, just on a much larger scale. This pack would bring a lot of new pieces all themed around aquariums and provide us with everything we’d need for building a small aquarium zoo. Again, Rudi talks about this much more in depth.

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Aviary

The last pack we’ll see come to planet zoo is the aviary pack, which will bring flying birds to wrap up the game. I’ve chosen a selection of birds that would bring a variety of rigs to the game, which is why I’ve included a bird like the blue jay. I think that most of the birds listed here are pretty common requests from the community, and any others we’d want to see I think can come from mods. This pack also brings a walkthrough exhibit for birds with many species of parrot, something that everybody wants to see. I think this pack also would bring new building pieces to make aviaries, and similar to the aquariums, we would need to make a suitable habitat first before we could fill it with the animals. I think we’d see lots of bird enrichment items, glass, netting, wiring, in many shapes such as round, triangular, pentagon, and hexagon, anything that we’d need to make a suitable aviary for the flying birds.

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The end I think after the aviary pack we will see a few free updates to the game. Updates to fix bugs in the last year of dlcs, updates to animal models and behavior, mechanics, the works. I think 2026 would be a year of tlc for the game and just getting it prepped to be finished for good. Sorry this post was so long, I just had some fun with my speculations here.

The videos:

https://youtu.be/bOqNfDyenjo?si=nRFbOk5B36_BONQ5

https://youtu.be/iKIZSIvbJ6E?si=r00teDq4EDIvnavP

[florasongs]

@sea-salted-wolverine

Math is really tiring, im so glad i finally get to relax and do some knitting and crochet and i oh god oh my what the fuck