#screencap from chapter 6

[isitaviv]

Mailan's introduction 🐟

[sepostscreencaps]

Devilish panels from Soul Eater post chapter 6

[sapphicscience]

a million little times [AO3] - kaylor is back, baby! this is, like...sweet until it's not. </3

rated E, 4.3k words

It's one of the weirder things Karlie has ever done, Taylor thinks, staring hazily over her morning coffee at an article crowing, Karlie Kloss attends Eras Tour in Los Angeles. She scrolls past the bored rehashing of their friendship, they claim they're still friends but haven't been seen together in years, blah blah blah, to the comments. In the nosebleeds??? one says. Girl. Another links to a screencapped post from some friendship-bracelet Etsy seller who claims Karlie ordered bracelets from her, along with a photo. Cheap-ass rose, one reads—ouch—and then another, perhaps even more painful, reads Knockout. Filming that video feels like a lifetime ago, when she felt bold and brazen and willing to, you know, faux-spar with her Very Close Female Friend while wearing just a sports bra and a sheen of fake sweat. She closes the laptop. She thinks about texting Karlie, like she's thought about doing at least once a week for all the years it's been since they fell apart.  She doesn't.

chapter 2 - angry taylor. 1.8k words

chapter 3 - taylor meets someone at a party. 1.7k words

chapter 4 - karlie is jealous. 2.1k words

chapter 5 - belated debrief + an encounter on facetime. 2k words

chapter 6 - taylor gets drunk and says something stupid. 1.8k words

and finally: chapter 7 - the last one. a conversation. 1.4k words

Karlie doesn't stay over again, not that night and not the next time she visits. Taylor wants to ask her to, wants to beg her to. Or: she wants to kick her out, wants to tell her they're never seeing each other again, wants to redo the whole apartment (again) so she doesn't have to touch anything that Karlie touched. Or like, exorcise the place. Sage it, maybe? That sounds less violent than whatever an exorcism entails.

[irenadel]

And if the devil... 1/10

Making a banner for this finally for the grand finale coming soon. Excuse to rb. Credit for the Aemond screencap goes to the wonderful Liv @barbieaemond Eventual smut, Aemond Targaryen x Maid!Reader

Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

“And if the devil was to ever see you, he’d kiss your eyes and repent.”

- Farouk Gouida

He’d had nothing but contempt for you the first time he’d seen you: a too tall, mannish girl mopping up baby vomit for Helaena with less tact and grace than a stable boy. He had seen the blotchy red and white of your hands and face and had thought you one of Aegon’s cruel jests for a sister-wife he did not deserve: a freakish chambermaid for a mad princess.

And far too familiar with a lady who was in every way your better.

He told himself it was not jealousy that burnt in the pit of his stomach, brighter and wilder than Vhagar’s fire. No. It was distaste and a healthy amount of distrust, he’d felt when he’d come to visit Helaena and found you rocking her gently in your arms. You’d been in drab servant red, hair escaping your work bonnet, so strangely pale that it had made Aemond squint in immediate suspicion. Whatever it was, you were no noble companion or even one of the prettier handmaidens, just a scullery girl, dress still stained from floor scrubbing, holding a Targaryen princess and gently brushing her hair out of the way.

He’d had to control the urge to snatch her from your arms and snarl at you to leave if you wanted to keep your head… It would not have been becoming. Helaena would no doubt have found it distressing. But most of all, he feared what he would do to you the moment he’d had your pale, sickly hand in his grip. Because you had robbed him of a thing which he had not known belonged to him. His right to his sister’s pain, always so far and yet so close, because he feared the things he could say if his affection were ever to escape him. And here you were, like a thief in the night, snatching his chance before he’d even known it existed.

You’d had the common sense to leave quickly with your bucket of slops, and your eyes fixed determinedly on the floor. As if you’d known your transgression.

Helaena was not half as wise as you. Her tears had been all but gone, not there for a brother to wipe away or avenge. No forthcoming confession about Aegon that he could use as an excuse to stalk his brother’s steps and pick a fight. Just her tongue loosened by the joy of Aemond’s sudden gentleness, brought on by unwarranted competition.

You’d been recently assigned to her quarters, she’d told him and you were very good at putting the children to sleep. You weren’t squeamish like the ladies of the court, would look at Helaena’s insects without problem and think nothing of her muttering under her breath, however strange her words might be. When the children were quiet, when Helaena herself hadn’t known what else to say, you had talked to her about the great locusts of the plains of Essos, told her stories of swarms of them, climbing atop the little babes, eating the grass so thoroughly no horse or cattle could survive on what was left.

But more so, you were kind and strong and willing to put the princess to bed when her head hurt so bad she could barely think. You stayed up with her when her dreams were more a punishment than reprieve from her reality, asleep in her bed besides her or waking up for her to tend to the babies. Not a wet nurse, but you had a good head on your shoulders for fussing and crying. She had come to depend on you really. 

He had not liked it at all.

He’d blamed himself for being too engrossed in weapons training and Vhagar to have noticed your creeping, insidious influence on his sister. He’d questioned his mother and had found only her relief that at least Aegon left you alone, probably less out of kindness than out of distaste. You may have been coarse and rude and perhaps unfit to deal with anything but the lower floors of a castle, but the queen had had enough problems to deal with and at least you had a strong back and a mean glare that kept even princes away.

Not Aemond though.

He’d kept his good eye on you, and a new man-at-arms he trusted always at his sister’s side. Had even thought to corner you and put the fear of the gods in you lest you had thought Helaena alone and vulnerable. Had not even considered replacing your presence with his own, uneasy with how much the prospect thrilled him. 

You’d looked up only once: a lightning quick glare for the One-Eyed Prince before the subservient mask was firmly back in place. And Aemond had been struck strangely silent by your odd red eyes and let you scurry away. Your coarse yellow hair had been escaping its thin bonnet and he’d known immediately.

Not Valyrian blood, not a misplaced bastard, not some political trick as he had suspected…

Albino.

Oh but Helaena did have quite a fondness for broken, repellent things.

He’d been less wary then, but no less watchful. He’d stopped to stare when he saw you carrying the princess’s tray or even one of her children up and down a corridor, infallible technique for getting them to sleep at last. He’d haunted his sister’s rooms, lurking in doorways, listening in to your accent (not Flea Bottom, but not court either, no one had taught you how to speak to your betters or even how to speak well at all, it seemed…) as you told Princess Helaena about having eleven cousins and wrestling them all into bed, about taking in laundry because you couldn’t take in sewing, about a crotchety old uncle who had broken his hip out at sea and needed minding now. An uncle who resented the minding and the niece and wife that kept him and his children fed. An uncle who sounded to Aemond’s hungry, savage loneliness a lot like a father and a king.

He does not hear the other talk, even if allowed to be present for it he would not consider it. He would have dismissed it as women talk, gossip, having seldom let himself dwell on kindness instead of grievance, succor instead of retaliation. He does not hear a beloved sister tell you to stay one step ahead of the dragon, as far away as you can manage, because dragons bring nothing but fire even if they love you, warm enough until it becomes death. She should know.

It does nothing to keep Aemond from following behind you. When you took the children and their mother down to the kitchens for hot milk with honey. When any of them were achy or colicky or cranky and you would put a shawl over them, babies or mother. When you insisted the princess and her children could do with a stroll and some sun, and Aemond found his heart aching with hideous envy because he could hear his sister laughing at your snappish kitchen talk, speaking softly and intimately to you, as hungry to give the attention as to receive it. (Even as his sorry, wicked heart screams out, it was mine, all this was meant for me, how dare you, how dare you take what I didn’t know I needed!) When you sang Helaena’s babies or Helaena herself to sleep and Aemond found he had to cover his  ears against your strange, foreign crooning, that didn’t sound like King’s Landing but sounded treacherously like home. He’d had to flee to the training grounds and take out this all-consuming anger on something, drown out your husky, kind voice with the din of his sword against a shield. Hitting the wood over and over again until he tore it to splinters and Ser Criston had to hold him into stillness, knowing there was no comforting a dragon without getting burned.

“My prince.”

You would say when you fled a staircase he cornered you into.

“My prince.”

When you’d courtesy, clumsily, still too sour-faced and suspicious to do it gracefully, when he managed to catch you on your way out of Helaena’s room.

“My prince.”

The day he had decided that yes, your prince, was exactly what he’d be to you, what you’d say to him, in whatever way he’d manage to tear it from your throat, in spite of Aegon’s taunting and the visceral fear at his own woeful lack of knowledge in matters of the flesh.

Because he had decided if you had no problem taking from him, he would have no problem taking from you.

Because you’d said it to him on your way out of the washing court, bonnet gone and coarse yellow hair sticking out of your pinned braid like a frightful halo, a bright purple bruise already forming on your cheekbone, as you’d glared directly at him, challenge in your head held high, and the water splashed all across your linen apron, sticking to your skin so closely that Aemond should have had you right then and there.

Because you’d said it with a curt nod, like Ser Criston when he approved of a particularly good move Aemond had just learned in the training yard, like a general to a soldier, “My prince.”

Because he’d just seen you swing a chamber pot directly into a stable boy’s face after hearing him call Princess Helaena “daft,” bringing it swinging back to the other side of his face, contents and all, just to take a step back to bring a fist into the stable boy’s friend. Aemond had been too transfixed by the sight of your heaving chest and the splotchy red of your cheeks to intervene after you’d taken a half-hearted punch to the face, returned it in kind and thrown the now empty chamber pot at the whimpering serving boys at your feet.

“And clean up your bloody mess!” You’d said before washing your hands in the fountain and strolling out of the courtyard, about as triumphant and vicious as Prince Aemond himself had ever felt when defeating knight after knight, telling himself he was better, stronger, a more fit ruler than any of them would ever be.

“My prince,” you’d said with your curt, martial nod, with your ruby-red eyes and the split knuckles of your hand, wounds taken in the defense of Aemond’s sister, wounds that should have by right belonged to him.

He’d taken your wrist in his hand, grip monstrously strong, and watched you realize the mistake you had made in the proud tilt of your head. You had forgotten for a second that pride wasn’t for your class of people, less so when confronted by a prince of the realm. He’d watched you realize your danger and how you didn’t care, that if there was a price to pay for pride you might as well pay it… and had realized himself that he didn’t care much either. Because Aemond had decided in that moment that he liked the defiance and stubborn anger in your ruby-red gaze, just as much as he had liked the ringing din of the chamber pot breaking something in that stable boy’s face. The prince had smiled at you then, his hunting cat smile, the one men all over the Seven Kingdoms would learn to fear, as he let you pass. Your prince, you would call him again, he decided as he let you go. Your prince, he would hear you call him, on your knees, on your back and beneath him, anyway he could get you. Because he wanted it. Because he had known himself to be spoiling for a fight and would be spoiling for a fight his whole life, the moment he had gone looking for Vhagar, the largest living dragon in the world, and won her. As he would win you. On your knees, your back or beneath him, as you called him your prince, because you wanted to, not ripped out of you by fear and hope for profit but because you wanted him. He would teach you that. That there were none like him, Targaryen or otherwise. That he was your prince and more than. He would teach you this, just as he had begun to teach the world.

[ineffable-xenanigans]

Henlo!

I draw Good Omens fan things, and sometimes write them too. Here be also reblogs of GO content that I enjoy, and maybe occassional other stuff, who knows. Varying amounts of spice, depending on my mood 🌶️

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Crowley hair studies: sketches exploring his wonderful hairstyles through the ages

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This is my first time being active on Tumblr, so please forgive possible blunders as I figure out how things work when you’re not just lurking 😇

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Saturday, November 2

BUFFY: Now, this guy shows up two days ago, right? Right around the same time my bestest new little sister makes the scene. GILES: You think he and Faith are connected? BUFFY: Giles, there are two things that I don't believe in: coincidence and leprechauns. GILES: Well, Buffy, it's entirely possible that they both arrived here by chance simultaneously. BUFFY: Okay, but I was right about the leprechauns, right?

~~BtVS 3x03 “Faith, Hope, & Trick”~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

Beware of Boys (Spike, Dawn, PG-13) by veronyxk84

An embarrassing run (Fred Burkle, ensemble, T) by Bl4ckHunter

Come and Get Me (Spike/Fred, E) by Kittenwritings

Nocturne (Buffy/Angel, E) by missfiggy

Fuzzy Feelings (Buffy/Angel, G) by fatalfae

[Chaptered Fiction]

Potential Friend: Season Two, Chapter 2/22 (Jesse, ensemble, Amy/Jesse, canon relationships, T) by srmcd1

[Ukrainian language] Forward to Time Past//Вперед у час минулий, Chapter 63/67 (Buffy/Spike, E) translation by Uraniya

Dawn Rising, Chapter 69/? (Ensemble, LotR xover, T) by Luna_delCielo

Back to the Beginning, Chapter 3/? (Angel/Cordelia, G) by imaginationofadreamer

The Slayer Chronicles: Shadows of the Hellmouth, Chapter 9/9 (Xander/OC, ensemble, not rated) by Ellen2054

Whoa! Not What I Expected! 2, Chapter 2/3 (Xander, NCIS + The Sentinel xover, G) by danu40k

Buffy s7 Missing Scenes, Chapter 3/? (Ensemble, T) by Oliver (TaruUchiha)

Soul Mate Magic, Chapter 16/20 (Giles/OC, M) by Emma_M_Black

Death's Champions, Chapter 32/? (Faith, HP xover, M) by Khatix

You're a Beautiful Person, Chapter 2/? (Willow/Tara, M) by firagasauce

The Night We Met, Chapter 4/? (Spike/OC, M) by TheSadPoet

Time to Heal (5) (Buffy/Spike, not rated) by spuffybaby

Retribution, Chapter 13 (Buffy/Spike, T) by Polarchica516

Giving In, Chapter 6 (Giles/Willow, M) by toboeokami

An Accidental Executioner in Sunnydale, Chapter 29 (Xander, ensemble, M) by schumacherjennifer39

Truth and Consequences, Chapter 28 (Buffy/Spike, R) by JamesMFan

Slayer's Soulmate, Chapter 5 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by vampirische liebe

Little Light, Chapter 15 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by Melme1325

Rebehold the Stars (Love from the Other Side of the Apocalypse), Chapter 19 (Buffy/Spike, R) by Asokatanos

Incarnate, Chapter 20 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by Sigyn

Breaking the Code, Chapter 6 (Buffy, Dawn, Star Wars xover, FR7) by Buffyworldbuilder

Indecent Proposal, Chapter 26 (Buffy/William/Xander, E) by harrisxander2

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork: Reciprocity Spike has bad day (Spike, worksafe) by isevery0nehereverystoned

Artwork: [Drawing of Spike] (worksafe) by isevery0nehereverystoned

Gifset: buffy & giles per episode - Revelations (3.07) (worksafe) by buffygiles

Artwork: here is a spike screencap redraw . my favorite look-his 70’s era (worksafe) by blue-star-charmer-art

Gifset: Every Tara look: S5E02 Real Me (worksafe) by lovebvffys

Gifset: Cordelia Chase + Outfits (Season 1) (worksafe) by clarkgriffon

Artwork: The Master from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season One (worksafe) by nightheartcomics

Artwork: Buffy the Vampire Slayer S1 Ep1 “Welcome to the Hellmouth” (Buffy, worksafe) by nightheartcomics

Artwork: Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer S2 Ep17 “Passion” (worksafe) by nightheartcomics

Gifset: Chemtrails Over the Country Club - Lana Del Rey (Buffy/Spike, worksafe) by theveryunlikelywonderland

Gifset: Buffy Meme: [4/10 Scenes] 5x22 The Gift (worksafe) by lovebvffys

Collage: Collage #222 (Buffy, Giles, worksafe) by thedecadentraven

Gifset: HalloweenHex 2024 - day 5 * a prophecy (btvs x 4.10) (Buffy, worksafe) by witchesnet

Fanvid: Back to Life (Buffy/Spike, R) by EverythingElse

Crafts: [Fan-made Scythe from an old re-design] (worksafe) by MoonSpider

Artwork: Grounded (Buffy/Angel, G) by MamaBewear

[Reviews & Recaps]

Angel 2x1 & 2x2 REACTION | "Judgement" & "Are You Now or Have You Ever Been" by The Horror Bandwagon

Rewatching after many years! by theSunandtheMoon23

PODCAST: His Twin Rod (S5E3) by It Stakes Two

[Recs & In Search Of]

ISO: [Good fanfics to read - multifandom and BtVS/Bangel] requested by murdercrowsblog

Rec: Fuzzy Feelings by fatalfae (Buffy/Angel, G) recced by iwillrememberyoumarathon

[Fandom Discussions]

Anyone else just want a buffy the vampire slayer and angel investigations prequel series where it’s just about the fanged four by captaincake13

Rewatching season 1 of Angel and I forgot how charming Angel found Wesley by thequeenofsastiel

this right here, this episode [Lover's Walk], this is the funniest relationship that has ever existed in btvs To Me anyway by tenderjock

spike is like a cat leaving dead things on buffy’s doorstep and buffy is a dog person by uss-genderprise

i think s7 is the worst by a significant margin but it’s still a season of buffy! so the worst of a brilliant amazing life changing thing is still pretty damn awesome by bidet-of-evil

Not sure how unpopular a take this is but I really like Principal Snyder. He is genuinely one of my favorite minor characters on the show by coraniaid

The Real Hero of "Gone" - Doris Kroeger by Nikkolas

Episode battle : Wild at Heart vs Into the Woods by Stoney

Would you have liked to have seen Darla become a hero? by GlitterViking1

Andy Hallet/Lorne appreciation post by moses616

Have you ever had a dream involving BtVS? by InterestingCloud369

What is an episode that you like that fans seem to dislike by Scaredcat26

[Articles, Interviews, and Other News]

CONVENTION: James Marsters & Juliet Landau to Attend Hellmouth Con in Los Angeles, CA 14-15 June 2025 via dontkillspike

CONVENTION: James Marsters to Attend FAN EXPO New Orleans 10-12 January via dontkillspike

CONVENTION: James Marsters' Adelaide Supanova Expo schedule via dontkillspike

PUBLICATION: Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Amber Benson Tackles Series Trivia for Tubi by bleedingcool.com

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Join the editor team :)

[8bitsupervillain]

Higurashi When They Cry Hou Ch. 7 Minagoroshi pt. Final

“Read the entire series over again.” I wonder how many people actually did that between chapters as they were coming out?

So, since there was that one spoiler I saw from the manga version of events, and this is otherworldly voice is in fact Frederica Bernkastel I guess that does a serious number on the theory that Rika and Bernkastel are the same character. Or so it would seem to me, there’s still all of Matsuribayashi to go through to confirm or kill that particular theory. I admit that I may be operating from a faulty premise. After all, the manga came out how long after the visual novels?

This is kind of an unrelated thought, but I don’t know if I ever shared aloud the way I thought you were meant to read Umineko. Before I started that series I had the thought in my head that you were meant to read the first chapter, then jump to the first chapter of the Answer Arcs. And then proceed that way through the rest of the series, 2 then 6, and so on. Now I know this is a very silly way to think the series was meant to be done, and I admit that this particular line of reasoning didn’t live past its formation for very long. But at the time I thought that’s how it was meant to be read. I am curious though to wonder how long he had originally wanted the mystery to hang until this one came out. Ha, could you imagine if he did that? Release the first game in a series and then not release the second part for four years, despite it apparently being done a while ago?

Where's literally any information on Silent Hill F Konami?

It’s the journey not the destination. He said sarcastically. Also this reminds me of something I had read somewhere along the way that Ryukishi07 was saddened by the less than positive reception that Tsumihoroboshi received. I kind of wonder how different angry Japanese gamers are in comparison to American ones, same shit, different language?

Yeah, you didn’t exactly paint them in the most flattering light there Ryukishi. I don’t know where I read it, but I do recall reading somewhere along the line that at one point he had considered releasing this as just one singular story. Which makes me wonder what that would’ve been like. Would people have been willing to sit through the entire hundred plus hour long storyline for the entire length of it? Or was splitting it up the smarter option? For whatever my opinion’s worth on the matter of this visual novel series that was written twenty years ago, I think splitting it up was the better option. Although a part of me does wonder what the story would’ve been like as one continuous narrative. Just going from one chapter to the next, how would that have played out?

I’ve mentioned it elsewhere but there was an entirely new Higurashi storyline released about four months after Matsuribayashi. Higurashi Hou Rei. I’m given to understand that one’s not exactly the best around. Then again from what little I’ve heard, apparently chapter eight didn’t exactly delight the fan base either.

Just for funsies, around the time I was writing this part I looked at some of the later events of Minagoroshi in the manga version.

I didn’t read the whole thing, but here are some pages of Hanyuu that I thought were interesting. Primarily because I thought it was a nice change of pace seeing her with facial expressions that aren’t just sad creature.

I thought it was interesting how the manga just spells it out plainly that Ooishi had found out that Takano was alive. Whereas the visual novel kept Rika in the dark about what Ooishi had found out in Gifu. It hinted at her fate, but it never just said point blank “yeah she’s alive” like it does here in the manga.

I don’t wish to drag this out for much longer (I have over fifty screencaps from the manga saved in a folder on my desktop), but there are a couple of ones I think are worth sharing.

Kumagai still gets taken out by the Mountain Dogs sniper, but I thought this was an interesting variation, however slight, of Ooishi’s death scene.

I didn’t know this little mini-comic existed, but I’m delighted it does.

It’s canon.

Also canon.

I hope I don’t seem too hyperbolic in my praise of Minagoroshi. But this is genuinely the best written, and so far the absolute best chapter of this entire series so far. Even though I mentioned that I found the section regarding Satoko’s life with her uncle to be an absolute slog to go through. With a mention that the segments regarding this pretty firmly slammed on the brakes grinding the story to a halt I’m willing to tolerate that because the sheer strength of writing for the rest of the chapter more than makes up for it. Much as I disliked that entire section I don’t know what I would cut from it to make it a more palatable read, because despite my complaining it is rather vital to the overall narrative.

I enjoyed this chapter a lot more than I did any of the others because this chapter more than the rest started giving me what I want from the narrative. It started explaining some of the more mystical elements of the overarching plot. Much as it started doubling down on the parasites explanation it started doing so in a way that is better than just a handwave of “alien magic.” The explanation of Oyashiro, Rika in the timeloop (even though I have the theory it’s actually Hanyuu in the timeloop, and Rika’s just an unfortunate passenger to this fate), the very existence of Hanyuu herself. It handles it all extremely better than it did during the entirety of Tsumihoroboshi.

This chapter was a much-needed shot in the arm to improve the trajectory of the entire series. It’s all too easy to imagine a hypothetical scenario where it just continued its downward spiral, and just kept being worse than Tsumihoroboshi. But despite the odds it completely averted that, and came out much stronger for it. You could probably argue that my high opinion of the chapter is only because I went into it with such low expectations. I don’t think that’s the case however. I grant you that I didn’t go in to Minagoroshi with high hopes, but I don’t think I went in expecting it to be an actively miserable time.

In terms of it as a mystery I don’t know if it’s an exceptionally good one. Despite my enjoyment of mystery novels, games, and so on, I don’t feel that I have a good handle on what makes one good or not. Maybe it would’ve been a better mystery if it didn’t immediately cut to Takano injecting Tomitake with H173 and setting up all the stuff for Operation Doomsday. If we just stuck with Rika up until the reveal about Ooishi’s investigation in Gifu, or hell even later with Keiichi’s death.

As it is, however I think that Minagoroshi is far and away the absolute strongest of all of the chapters so far in the Answer Arcs. Possibly even the series as a whole. There was such a wide variety of interesting things happening that except for the plotline about Satoko it kept the story moving at a very brisk pace. I’m very excited to see if the final chapter* Matsuribayashi can keep the streak going.

I love these silly comics.

[podfeels]

Podfeels Adapt8ion Notes: Episode 6

hello, dare again! just as a reminder for how these posts work, stagelights will be covering the notes as a whole, and if i ever have to pitch in it will be with purple text like this! with that said, lets get back into it!

and here we have it, the final one of season/act 1. i dont know if we ever settled on which its called. seasons internally, acts externally :) we never really cleared up that inconsistency but its not a huge deal so shrug emoji. this episode is some of our best work so far, and i think a lot of the changes help sell that even more.

a bit of a call forward to the next chapter where dirk says the same thing. we also used this in the trailer for the sahcon new years showcase.

this change was done to match the art drawn for the background more closely.

that first bit literally makes no sense in audio and there is no way to adapt it so we changed it. then some narration changes. then im pretty sure that last bit was a typo, so that was fixed lmao. yeah. half-hazard is a sarah-ism we nixed to make the actual word (as much as its a charming sarah-ism, i dont think it was intentionally included by choice by her, just put in by virtue of her writing it) and grub-naking was definitely a typo i think. as for the b's or 8's thing. yeah. that was hell to figure out and we eventually gave up on it after multiple attempts to find ANY way to make it work.

this line wasn’t actually changed, but there was a small addition of the characters in question screaming slash begging for their life or what have you as their name is said. spooky. :)

fairly big change, and i think the change from a photo to a video helps sell more in audio form the impact of junes violence here. its some good shit, and also fucking terrifying holy shit i shuddered while listening back to this for writing these notes. shout outs to the writing team for putting this here. abso-fuckin-lutely, the writing goes so hard. also a big shoutout to my friends who put up with my annoying and loose process to come in as cameo voices for the recording!

you know the drill by now.

there are a BUNCH of changes here. first of all we added a lot of new lines here for the ads, because i think that fits better in audio. all of these lines are voiced by guest actors, including sarah herself, which is pretty neat. then theres a new bit of dialogue here from jane. it being a pre-recorded message helps to sort of keep it ambiguous as to whether she’s alive or not, and helps to sell that this is a crisis the world is taking seriously. it also helps bring things in line with future bits of godfeels, as crockercorp has its hands in many pieces of this version of earth c. then janes voice starts to glitch out and we cut to the terezi call, which had a bunch of changes to reflect the whole “phone calls and not text” thing. 

some changes to help bring the fight scene into place more naturally

This entire fight scene does not show the script in the video version, so i had to manually create the screenshot for this for the sake of the comparison, but this screencap does not do this scene justice. this entire bit of narration was cut and replaced with some INCREDIBLE sound design, which i can’t really get into the sound design part because im not a sound designer. but its really fucking good. shout outs to dare for that.

so, a bit of background on this scene. originally our plan was to have an instrumental sludge metal cover of Sweet by Phemiec, the trickster!Jane song. it was gonna be a tense chase sequence like the original text, but dragged out into a cat and mouse between june and dirk with dirk playing with his food a bit and june having to face the reality of what she did while fearing for her life.

however, when it came time for this to be done, the musician i'd planned this with had something else in mind, intending on a Deftones style altmetal sound instead of the sludge metal previously discussed, and then also life events made her incapable of delivering within any reasonable timeframe anyway before we could settle on which route to go down. so that got scrapped, which is tragic because that plan, sludge or alt, would have been absolutely stunning, but also scrapping it allowed us to make it SO. MUCH. BETTER.

we had already settled on "Game over." as a title, a callback to the last time everyone Fucking Died, also formatted like Dirk's text instead of June's, to show his control over this episode. but following from that name, I realized... we could use the song. from [S] Game Over, CARNE VALE. which also adds more flavor to this ult-dirk depiction, i feel. using a Caliborn song over a Dirk scene reminds the listener that Ult-Dirk is, in fact, Caliborn. He's every instance of Dirk, which includes Lil Hal, which includes Arquisprite, which includes Lord English. So using a Caliborn song here actually resonates REALLY HARD, i think.

as for the sound design, thank you for the praise! im very proud of my work here, the vrillyhoo sounds, syncing the swings to the beat of the song, and using the uprising whistle in the song at one point as a sound effect for the vrillyhoo flying through the air after june gets disarmed. the scene and song gave me a lot of material to work with :3

there were actually a ton of suggestions for flourite octet effects from all of our writers (and a few friends of mine who weren't on the team lol), and i cant find them all, but these were the final ones we narrowed down to before chosing

last bit of the original episode had a bunch of cuts for pacing. pacing, yes, but also to keep us tied to our current june. the original writing had it cut to the scene before june showed up, and had her appear. but in order to maintain the inertia from the last scene and to keep our camera focused on our protagonist, we had us just land in the scene at the same time as her. the audio here is literally ripped verbatim from episode 5, and in the scriptlog for this episode it says “episode 5” during this part, which i think is very fun.

there is also a post credits scene involving dirk, with a bit of completely original writing.

i don’t know if theres much to say about this that the text itself doesn’t already make clear. “this is where i get off” is apparently a half life reference though, but i haven’t played half life so idfk. dirk would be the type of nerd to do a reference like this in these circumstances though.

i had a lot of plans for this scene, and felt VERY strongly about it. originally this scene was vetoed by some performers until i recorded it myself as a proof of concept and we discussed was to get them on board. my original draft had gore sfx after he swung his blade (because i love gore sfx), but i think its far stronger to cut off before impact. as for why we're having A Dirkicide, when thats often seen as a bit insensitive these days, is actually to humanize dirk. dirk, in later godfeels updates, comes back as far less of a villain. in early godfeels, he's all intimidating villain all the time, all the way until his death. i wanted to let him share his piece. the text here is some original, some taken from his death in the Meat timeline, and some taken from his death in the Game Over timeline. These callbacks are also included intentionally to make him a bit more sympathetic. While his plan is to spark the epilogues, and he is a monster for his actions there, he IS ultimately motivated by an urge to keep his friends alive. this timeline isn't just a dud for his plans, isn't just a failure of his foresight, but also a repeat of dirk's lowest moment in the comic, when he lets the glitchtide take him after learning all his friends are dead. a moment he remembers and likely still grieves. and now he's having to grieve it all again. this wasn't included to be insensitive to dirk, it was included to make you remember 'wait, shit. yeah. oof. he IS kinda right on all counts about june as of this moment'.

and for a bit of behind the scenes? i've designed two sounds for deaths, Heroic and Just. and this one? it was Heroic. he died in the process of opposing someone who just killed all her friends. i may not agree with that distinction overall, but i think its a fair choice for skaia to make and i included that little meta aspect to once again humanize him a bit more.

also yes i had him quote gman, not just because he's a dweeb, but also to show his position as a Controller Who's Lost Control.

_____

thank you for coming around to see the adaptational notes for podfeels act 1! thank you again to stagelights for putting all of this together (i never would have found the time to do the bit by bit markdowns like they did), and also thank you to everyone on the team for contributing to this passion project i think we're all very very proud of.

i apologize for the long delay in getting act 2 started, but rest assured that we're still hard at work! i hope youve enjoyed seeing our process a bit, and maybe even learned from it a little!

[tina-aumont]

Im Auftrag von Madame (Paul May, 1973 - screencaps part 7)

Madame's Order was an early evening series on ZDF. It ran in three seasons of 13 episodes each from 1972 to 1975. It was produced in Studio Hamburg, Paul May directed the first two seasons, and in the third season he alternated with Peter Meincke. Each episode was 25 minutes long and aired on Wednesdays at 7:10 p.m. (season 1), 6:25 p.m. (season 2) and 6:20 p.m. (season 3).

Plot (it may contain spoilers)

Homer Halfpenny (played by Horst Keitel), who holds a chair for Tibetan dialects, works as an agent for a "Madame" who always gives her instructions by phone and remains invisible to the viewer in all seasons. At his side is the playboy Peter Proud (played by Roger Herbst), a car dealer by profession. The tasks of this unequal team are varied, but they have one thing in common: Halfpenny and Proud almost always have to travel abroad to successfully complete a job.

Cast

Horst Keitel - Prof. Homer Halfpenny

Roger Herbst - Peter Proud

Verónica Llimerá - Diana Appleton

María Montez - Gloria

Ángel Álvarez - Capitano Garcia

Rufino inglés - Fellini

Javier Inglés - Matrose

Montserrat Julió Nonell - Miss Cox

Heidi Koehn - Susan

Jochen Köppel - Archibald

Franz Otto-Kruger - Fellini (voice, uncredited)

It was aired the 17th January 1973.

You can watch the full chapter (in German) here.

IMDB

[afewbitsandpieces]

Deltarune Text Project Update #3

(View WIP Text Project Here)  

After far too long, here’s another update to the Deltarune Text Project - 99% Complete edition!

To Recap:

- There is actually several pieces of dialogue that I have tried to get, but otherwise cannot get anymore because I don’t know the conditions, or some sort of internal data prevents me from getting it again:    - Kris’s name on 1st save file: If I remember right, this has to do with getting completion data on Chapter 1, so since I’ve finished Chapter 1 several times by now, I can no longer get this.    - Green File Select screen in Chapter 1: Essentially the same as the above.    - The last Weird Route Save Point dialogue won’t show up again, presumably because it’s already been completed once before.

There is also several pieces of battle dialogue that I’m not sure can actually be gotten, or I otherwise don’t know how to trigger them in-game:

- Rudinn:    - Rudinn is alright with not fighting. [Spare conditions met]

- Hathy:    - Hathy's beat slows. [Tired]    - Hathy is skipping beats. [Spare conditions met]

- Jigsawry:    - Jigsawry looks happy about its life. [Spare conditions met]

- Ponman:    - Ponman is sleeping soundly. [Sleepy]

- K. Round:    - K.Round looks weak. [Tired]    - K.Round's shuffle becomes lethargic. [Low HP]

- Rabbick:    - You and Ralsei warned Rabbick about Susie. The enemy went on guard... [Warned]    - Rabbick is now nice and clean. [Spare conditions met]

- Clover:    - Clover seems to be getting along with herselves. [Spare conditions met]

- Lancer 2:    - Huh? What was that? [After Susie blocks Lancer's ears from "The Final Blow of Kindness"]

- Rudinn Ranger:    - Rudinn Ranger seems totally flattered. [Spare conditions met]

- Head Hathy:    - Head Hathy blocked the way! [Encounter]    - Head Hathy's beat slows. [Tired]    - Head Hathy is skipping beats. [Spare conditions met]

- Jevil:    - JEVIL got more TIRED! [Hypnosis, if JEVIL is not sufficiently tired]

- Werewire:    - Werewire swung in! [Encounter]    - Werewire and Maus swung down like stringed superheroes! [Unused encounter with Maus]

- Ambyu-Lance:    - Ambyu-Lance and its pet appeared! [Encounter with ?]

- Maus:    - Smells like wood shavings. [Neutral]    - Maus would like to go to its favorite bistro in this marvelous city. [Neutral]

- Spamton:    - $VAULES$ (rarely)

- Swatchling:    - Please enjoy this complimentary shockwave. [Red]    - What? The lasagna has some kind of explosive in it? [Blue, rare]

IN ADDITION: Like the Undertale Text Project, there's now an “X. Miscellaneous” folder of interesting things in the game:   - Chapter & Route Stat Changes (’Power’ Section)   - Character Spells (’Power’ Section)   - Character Titles (’Power’ Section)   - Configuration   - ‘Everyman’ Sightings & Mentions   - Game Over Screens   - ICE-E Sightings & Mentions   - Items     - 1. Equippable Items     - 2. Healing Items     - 3. Light World Weapons & Armor     - 4. Throwing Away Items     - 5. Miscellaneous Items     - 6. In-Battle Descriptions     - X. Key Items (& Lancer)     - X2. Too Many Items   - Missing An Attack   - Sans’s Number   - Save Point Messages   - Toriel Phone Calls

If any of you feel that there’s something else that deserves it’s own folder in the Miscellaneous section, feel free to let me know!

With all that said, if there are any suggestions to make such as missing screencaps to get (and how to get them), folder naming suggestions, etc., feel free to let me know.

(By the way, if you’re [rightfully] wondering why this took so long, it’s a couple of things: one is that both chapters put together are surprisingly long, two is that I don’t have useful tools like an in-game script, save file editing, and room/event numbers like for Undertale, three is that so far I’m going at this completely alone instead of having a group effort, and four is that at one point I kinda just got burnt out and needed a temporary break after so many replays lol)

(By the way #2: For SOME reason, updating the Chapter 2 folder is claiming there’s “upload problems” with 9 out of the total 10593 files and I have zero idea which files those are, so if someone manages to find a spot where some images are clearly missing, please let me know!)

[elibean]

Hello friends! I made a post a looong time ago about how back when the Noragami anime aired (the first season), in 2014, we did not have Yukine’s backstory like we have now; despite that, the scene we got in the anime where Yato named Yukine and received all his memories, was all relevant. That really amazed me; I know mangaka and writers plan this stuff in advance, but certainly not all of them, and it would have been easy enough to retcon or change things (and there are some scenes here that indicated things may have been changed). 

So in appreciation and curiosity, I went back and screencapped all the brief scenes the anime gave us, to compare them with the corresponding manga panel/chapter. However, a tumblr picture post only allows 10 pictures and I ended up with 13, so I’m gonna pick the most interesting ones. 

Not included here is the very first scene, which is of a cat looking back at the camera. Yukine has not been shown to have a cat in his past life, nor was there any indication of a cat in his family (at least as far as I can remember) so I’m gonna go ahead and comfortably put this in the “symbolism” camp, as it could be a stray cat or anything you want to interpret it as, really. 

The second scene, also not pictured, was of luggage. This clearly relates to his sister and mother moving out. Again, when this aired back in 2014, we would have had no idea what this luggage could have related to!

The third scene, pictured, is more curious- two hands shaking. I don’t think it’s too far of a stretch to guess that the extended hand is their father’s-- but who’s the one reaching out to him? Yuka? Could this be the dad making a deal with her about keeping Haruki? But that’s not what happened, right, it was the other way around...Could be that the hand is actually Haruki’s. Unsure. Could correspond to volume 23, chapter 91, pictured below the anime shot.

Scene 4, pictured, is CLEARLY Yuka and mother leaving, with Yuka looking back. BACK IN 2014. WHEN WE KNEW NONE OF THIS, NOR WHO THEY WERE, ETC ETC.

Scene 5, not pictured, is just a pair of shoes on the ground. This could be anything; not quite sure what the symbolism is meant to be here.

Scene 6, also not pictured, is just Yukine huddled by himself facing a wall. Could be anything also, but more likely just him enduring his dad’s abuse. 

Scene 7, also not pictured, is a broken mug on the ground, liquid spilled out of it. Could be a sign of the father breaking stuff in his anger.

Scene 8, pictured, is the letters- the letters!!!! Again completely relevant and traceable to the manga! Specifically it’s the dad stepping on the letters, which does not have a direct equivalent manga panel, but the one I put under it is pretty damn close, from volume 25, chapter 96.

Scene 9, pictured, is most curious. This is an arm, likely Yukine’s, with bandages surrounding it. This was likely meant to tie in to the reason his sword form has bandages, but it was never expanded upon (and I doubt it will be in the last few chapters we have lol). I do wonder what the intent was, though-- maybe a mark of his abuse by his dad. We’ll never know!

Scene 10, pictured, is a lot of empty cans of alcohol. Clearly related to his alcoholic dad (though I guess it was never confirmed he was ALCOHOLIC for certain, but definitely a heavy drinker lol). Again not a 1-to-1 manga panel correspondence, but a pretty close one came from volume 24, chapter 94.2!

Scene 11, not pictured, is a wallet with some money strewn around. Probably to symbolize the financial situation of the dad, which was to say, not great lol

And scenes 12 and 13, pictured, are likely Yuka turning back to look at Yukine, presumably-- though I do wonder. Given the tie and suit, I wonder if this was meant to be YUKINE/Haruki when he was alive (it does kind of look like him, doesn’t it?), or if Yuka was originally intended to be Yukine’s BROTHER, or something else. Could totally be wrong, could just be an old design of Yuka! I do wonder though.

Anyway I love Noragami. It’s great. This was a silly thing I wanted to do, but it was fun to dig through the screenshots and pause every second haha. I know the fandom has mixed opinions on the anime, but it’s what introduced me to the manga, and I still do really love it. And Bones put a lot of love into it. I really hope we get a season 3 someday (and so does Kaji Yuki, according to his tweets lol). Thanks for reading!

[isitaviv]

[rpiconblogxkitten]

Project Progress Post

In case any of ya'll are curious. If not, feel free to scroll past.

As for the Naruto anime I have episodes 1-30 screenshotted and I'm going through those atm. I have up to episode 100 downloaded and ready to screencap. I have also started downloading Boruto episodes (mainly for Sarada and adult Sakura but I digress) and I will be doing those at some point alongside the Naruto anime. I also plan to start doing Shippuden alongside them in the future in a separate but attached folder.

As for the Naruto manga, I have up until a certain chapter separated out. I think after that point the quality gets better. I have the whole thing downloaded, but if I need to I have learned I can substitute some volumes in with book walker for better quality.

D. Gray Man (anime) - I have up to episode 20 screencapped and up to episode 50 downloaded. As for the manga, I know I started it, but I learned that a lot of the scans are bad quality, and so I'm looking into buying them off of bookwalker in the future to do that whole project properly with good quality icons. However since that costs money...low priority as I am on disability and broke.

AIR Tv - I have about 3000 screenshots left to go through!

Blood-C : I have a little over a thousand screencaps left to go through (including the movie which I have been sprinkling some of those in here or there)

KKJ - I have a little less than 3000 screencaps left to go through (so no that project is nowhere near done and I am so sorry)

Modern Magic Made Simple - About 2300 screencaps left

School Days - About 2300 screencaps left as well (I know I just started this one and none of them have posted yet, but yes)

Yoake Mae Yori Ruriiro Na - A little under 2000 screencaps left

Genshin - I am currently going through the Fontaine quests. I have a bunch of old events and quests to screencap, and I finished downloading all of the recent Natlan content tonight. I screencapped Emilie's story quest to do soon (because shes pretty)

Who Made Me a Princess - I am on chapter 59 out of the 125 that I have.

ANS - I'm on chapter 6.

Akaneiro Ni - I have gotten some content from the game I am rapidly iconing. I am nearly finished with the anime (I'm on the last two episodes plus the OVA), and I am on chapter 6 out of 11 for the manga.

Aoba-kun Ni Kikitai Koto - I have about 800 scans left to go through. I am aware that I am missing a few chapters however, so I'm gonna look into possibly finding those.

Bibliophile Princess - I am on chapter 20 of 37.5

Corpse Party - I finished the first manga, and am gonna start going through the rest of them. I will only be iconing the main characters from the first series tho. If I do icon any other characters it will be on an entirely separate round of iconing.

Fruits Basket - I am about midway through Season 2. I have about 6000 caps left to go through.

Heart no Kuni no Alice - I still have a few side mangas to go through and then I'm gonna start the main series. I have also downloaded the movie to screencap and throw in these sets as well.

Inu x Boku SS - I am on chapter 9 of 49

Kiss x Sis (for Riko) - I am on chapter 66 out of 154. I will be going through and doing the other characters at other stages. (I just needed Riko for a faceclaim)

Nekomusume Shoukougun - I am on chapter 10 of 100

Pandora Hearts - I am in the arc where we meet older Ada at the school!

Romeo x Juliet - Chapter 5 of 9!

Shugo Chara - I have about 550 pages taken out from chapters 1-44, and then the rest of them are untouched but downloaded. There is a new series, but I am going to concentrate on finishing the entire rest of it first before I even think about touching that.

Sincerely I Became a Duke's Maid - Chapter 15 out of 111

Ten Count - Chapter 7 out of 48.

[avatarthelastbackbender]

A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE AU MASTER LIST

A compiling of all of the content I've made for this AU, most of which can be found under #asoiafatla

If you make any art/write any fic inspired by this AU, please reach out so I can add it to the list :)

SUMMARY

The "A Song of Ice and Fire" (ASOIAF) AU centers around a loose crossover of Avatar: The Last Airbender and Game of Thrones, but does not require any prior knowledge of Game of Thrones; it takes elements and story arcs of Game of Thrones (such as medieval setting, Lords and Ladies, conquest, gore, and of course dragons) and intricately blends it into the ATLA plot and universe.

It DOES NOT include any Game of Thrones characters or require any prior knowledge of Game of Thrones to enjoy!

The fic for this AU centers around an ultra slow burn enemies-to-friends-to-lovers romance between Zuko and Sokka, who’ve been forced into an arranged marriage by their fathers and must somehow save the world from impending war despite battling between themselves.  

FICS

A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE

Description:

A war is brewing. The wind whispers of conquest, the trees hush warnings of slaughter. Gran Gran always said that a war with the firebenders meant a deadly dance with dragons, but now the dragons are dead and all they've left behind is an army with a thirst for blood and a firelord who'll stop at nothing to bring the world to its knees. Marrying Prince Zuko is the first sacrifice Sokka makes for his family, and it won't be the last. (Game of Thrones INSPIRED; no prior knowledge of Game of Thrones needed!)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence 

(Unlike in Game of Thrones, there are NO noncon elements or depictions of s*xual violence in ASOIAF aside from passing mentions)

Tags:

Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe: Medieval, War and Conquest, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Dragons, Heavy Angst, Adventure and Romance, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Sexual Content, Ultra Slow Burn, essentially a medieval AU that has elements/story arcs of Game of Thrones

Available Here on AO3

ART

This AU has been around since July 2020, so this is also kinda a collection of my art progress!

"Official" Art

A Song of Ice and Fire (New) Cover Art (February 2023)

A Song of Ice and Fire (Old) Cover Art (August 2020)

Official Art Chapters 1-6 (September 2020)

Official Art Chapters 7-12 (March 2021)

Official Art Chapters 13-18 (February 2022)

Miscellaneous Art

Zuko Targaryen and His Three Dragons: Druk, Izumi, and Ursa (The first-ever art for this AU!) (July 2020)

Sokka Stark and His Dire Wolf, Yue (July 2020)

Zuko in Daenerys Targaryen Hairstyles (July 2020)

ASOIAF 1000 Kudos Celebration (May 2022)

Wholesome Zukka

(NOT canon, made before fic was published)

Pet-Sitting For Your Husband (July 2020)

Ah, yes. Me. My Husband. And his three 15-ton kids who breathe fire. (July 2020)

Get Your F*cking Dog Vine (July 2020)

The Evolution of Family (July 2020)

Being Married to the Father of Dragons: Expectations vs. Reality (February 2021)

Amazing Art Contributions by Other Tumblrs

Sokka and the Weirwood Tree(by vekadraws​)

The South Remembers (by julchenawesome​)

The Prince and The Fool for Zukka week 2021 (by julchenawesome)

You Are a Stark (by julchenawesome)

I’m Going to Break the Wheel (by julchenawesome)

Memes (Spoilers for ASOIAF fic)

Part 1

Part 2

ANIMATICS

Dragon Ride (2020)

Incomplete animatic based on S8E01 from Game of Thrones, NOT canon.

Full Animatic

Screencaps

Sneak peek (First 12 seconds)

[irenadel]

And if the devil... 8/10

Making a banner for this finally for the grand finale coming soon. Excuse to rb. Credit for the Aemond screencap goes to the wonderful Liv @barbieaemond No smut and TW: mentions of childbirth and labor pain. But in my defense, Aemond is back on his bullshit in this chapter.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

Vain little thing

You had loved his hair, impossibly soft and white, heavy like rich cloth and always immaculately slicked back. What did he need a crown for if he already owned this glory? You had laughed at him. Vain little thing. With his sapphire and his perfectly fitted clothing, deceptively severe black, hugging a distractingly narrow waist and legs so beautiful they could make grown women cry. All these silly things, all this care and attention, because he didn’t know he was already perfect.

You had kissed the edges of his scar and had lied to him so brazenly. He had never been ugly, you had said, and he would never know what it was like to be ugly. You had ran one calloused finger down his forehead and nose and across his lips and he had drunk fully of you. Of your adoration for him.

What a fool he had been.

He does not falter now. If anything, he renews his zealous effort, his training, his studies. Ser Criston seems pleased and Aemond does his best to appear so as well. He does not speak of it, his royal mother having forbidden it, still too grateful that she had managed to keep one son from murdering the other to risk it again. Aegon doesn’t speak of it either, doesn’t jeer or laugh or boast, having tasted the bite of his brother’s knife, he must not be eager to sup of that bitter cup again.

Aemond as unwilling to partake of thwarted outrage as any of them almost lets Helaena and the children well enough alone.

He tries, but you have changed things irrevocably for them both. Though Helaena will not look at him, she does not turn him away either. She sits with him and doesn’t embroider. He cannot bring himself to read to her as she holds Jaehaera so close his niece squirms and protests and pushes her mother away with her fat, little arms. From the corner of his eye he can see why. He does his best not to pay attention to the ghost of you, his sister teaching you a new dance step, you soothing one of the children, sometimes their mother, sometimes Aemond himself.

Once, she crumples, crying into her abandoned thread and cloth, so wildly, so desolately that Aemond rushes to her, unable to let her be, unable to stop her tears, unable to do anything but grit his teeth and hold her. She despises his touch but endures it and Aemond endures with her. He feels cold all over, hard as ice and just as brittle, stretched out and empty. And though they are all they have left of you, he cannot bring himself to hold her again, in front of others or even in the privacy of her chambers, knowing full-well where the madness of shared grief could take them.

He tells himself he does not go to those rooms as often as he should because he is too proud to go through another fight. Another unwanted toy cast off between him and Aegon. More ground given, as he had given and given when they were both boys. He spends too many hours standing by the princess’s door wondering what good it can do to go in, what good to look at her looking for you, as adrift in your absence as he himself feels.

But it is there that he sees his brother once more. The princess’s screams had brought him to pace outside her rooms and the birth of his third child had dragged Aegon from his cups to sit, only half-sober, all nauseous, on the floor outside his wife’s chambers, little Jaehaerys in his arms, white faced and crying silently, a thumb stuck firmly in his mouth.

It was too early for the babe, the maester had informed Prince Aegon matter-of-factly, but both brothers had heard the slight panic in his voice. It had come on too soon, too unexpectedly. One moment the princess had been taking breakfast with her ladies and the next, her little babe was on the way, the pain of labor so great and sudden, the princess had been rambling about flowers blooming red on the streets of King’s Landing. No one could blame her for incoherence after the twelfth hour. This was her second birth. Queen Alicent’s second birth had been quick and easy and they had all expected more of the same from her daughter.

But when rain breaks out, Helaena begins to scream without stopping and Aemond feels like he could murder his brother, just for putting her through this, just for the sin of doing as he was told. Like Aemond himself.

They say nothing to each other, tense and tight-lipped, and Aemond tries hard to remember these are his brother’s children, his brother’s wife, his brother’s things. It does not become him to come for them, furtive and quick as a thief, just because he has been left with nothing. He is better than this (better than to do as was done to him).

Because if Aegon has begun to drink more than usual, if he has eyed Aemond’s miserable face, the set of his shoulders so rigid he seemed to be held up by wire, if he has stopped when they encounter each other, sometimes for a second, as if wanting to say something, especially now, before the door barring his brother from all the things Aegon has and does not deserve… well Aemond has no time for it. No interest in hearing excuses, from him, from you or from himself.

I merely wanted to know what color it was.

He can almost hear his brother’s wine-soaked amusement, trying to make it a lesser offense, dismissing his transgression, his theft, of the only thing Aemond had ever possessed… just because he had not known his brother truly wanted it. 

You always take everything to heart, brother. I’ve had belly aches that lasted longer than her.

He can almost hear his mother’s scream and the satisfying whimper that had escaped Aegon when he’d shoved him up against the wall, knife pressed at his throat, for daring to hold your name in his mouth and your pain in his hands. He cannot hear the fight that should have followed, because his mother had held him back from what he should’ve inflicted upon his brother, who had not been so much sorry as mistified. Confused. At a loss. As unable to see the wound upon you as he had been unable to see the one upon his little brother when he’d brought Aemond back from the Street of Silk, white as a ghost and quiet for once in his young life.

And what else could he have done, if he had not been permitted to avenge you or himself, how could he have faced you with anything but scorn, if scorn and spite and death was all he had to offer. He should have come back to you with his brother’s blood on his hands instead of poison on his tongue.

But there is no mirth in Aegon now, no nervous giggle, as there hasn’t been anything but shifty-eyed embarrassment for weeks. There’s his brother’s puffy-eyed exhaustion and fear for his child. No words or apologies that could suffice for him, or you or Helaena’s birth pains.

There is no mother who can save him now.

There’s just Jaehaerys, asleep at last in spite of his mother’s crying, nestled in his father’s lap, Aegon’s hostage to fortune, shield against a brother’s wrath.

There is no Queen Alicent but there is Helaena. Her screams dying down at last, so quick that it is like music after they are gone. Aemond would have let himself crumple to the floor, faint with rage and relief, if only the maester hadn’t hoisted him up and into the birthing chamber. The princess will not take a drought for the pain or for sleep until she has seen her brother.

It is unseemly and borderline scandalous and Aemond is past caring.

The queen is there, Aegon has followed behind him, the princess’ ladies are carrying out soiled linen and Aemond finds that all he can seem to think of is that he has never seen Helaena’s hair unpinned, or her skin sallow and blotchy, soaked in sweat, for all they share blood and home and hearth.

He feels a bitter weight of loss and wasted time caught in his throat.

When she calls his name he chokes on all the unspent love you have left behind. For you, for his sister, for these children of his blood, one lustily crying out in new swaddling clothes, at the unfairness of existence, the other two behind him, somewhere he cannot reach them as he cannot reach you or Helaena or anybody who matters.

“You’ve lost a knife, brother,” she says to him through parched lips.

“I’ll get another one,” he comforts his sister unthinkingly, unable to touch her but clinging to the excuse of a pitcher and cup of water for the princess to go to her side. His mother is saying something. Maybe the Hand is being called. Maybe the King. He holds a cup of water to Helaena’s lips and deliberately avoids thinking about anything.

“The sheath,” she says as she reaches for him, Aemond unwilling and utterly incapable of not catching her birdlike hand in his grip, crushing it so hard he is afraid he will hurt her. He would curse the violence of his brutish hands except you had loved it. “You must find the sheath. The sand will bury it, the tide will take it, the crabs will feast on it, Aemond, you must…”

And he almost breaks into pieces, because Helaena cries when she cannot speak anymore and she has never liked to be touched, least of all by him, but she is in his arms, rocking back and forth. The sheath, she whimpers, the sheath and the sea and the crabs and the darkness at dusk and your wedding bed… 

And there is no prying her from his arms while she weeps in shared pain and sorrow for a loss he only now lets himself feel. He would have fought them off, the maesters, his mother, even King and Hand and Ser Criston Cole himself if any had dared separate them. Aemond, the sheath and the knife and the blood… He would have slit throats and gutted knights just to hold Helaena as she cried for the girl he had not been allowed to mourn. Pale braid in the wind, wild, daring and his.

But it isn’t they who send him away. It is Helaena, still crying, still unwilling to let anyone else touch her, telling him to go and find it. Find it in the kitchens or the streets or the sea. Wherever he has to look for it but find it.

He is out of Helaena’s rooms and alone in the corridor, too dazed and heartbroken to even weep himself. He wishes to break things. Helaena’s door. Aegon’s face. The Hand’s brooch and the crown on his father’s head. He does not weep. Retreats the moment he hears other come up the stairs, unwilling to bear the shame of being seen like this. Away to the gardens where he can call on Vhagar to come take him away. Spare him this sudden solitary grief after the succor of Helaena’s arms. By way of the kitchens if he must. Not because she asked but because it is the quickest way outside and away from here.

They do not expect him there. He has rarely visited the kitchens… unlike his brother. But still he is a prince and not to be detained or disturbed and it is because he knows this and the kitchen staff know this that he finds his attention snagged when someone calls out to him, in the wrong address, with unwarranted brazenness:

“Your grace! Your grace please! You are Prince Aemond One-Eye?”

He nearly sends the guards for her head, just for how she dared to say to his face what others merely whisper behind his back. Except he hears the woman say your name and the blood freezes in his veins.

She looks nothing like you, except in the tight, pinched corners of her lips. The look every Flea Bottom resident eventually gets. She’s pure King’s Landing though, none of the Essos he had found in your Dothraki height and the hook of your nose and your ruby-red eyes. But Aemond knows who she is either way. Because he has heard enough of her from your lips and sees the woman you spoke of as she steps towards him, sturdy castle-castoff cloak dripping rain and mud from her vigil outside the gates. She comes up to him bold as you please, chewing the inside of her cheek in an anxious uncertainty you had shared but conquered and subdued ages ago… at least, around him.

Like you, your aunt does not know a prince’s proper title.

“M’lord… your grace… I beg your pardon. I’m here about my girl. I thought you ought to know. I thought someone should fetch you… I…”

And he feels himself grow proud and cold, as if you had sent this piteous envoy to plead your case for you. As if he needed to shore up resistance against you, a strong enough argument to keep you from crawling back into his insides, his ribcage, to wrap yourself around the mangled thing it holds.

He sees only your aunt’s lowered eyes, hears only her pained stutter, does not catch the careful choice of words, of a woman trying to spare a boy, royal though he may be, the unbearable pain of this loss.

“She’s gone, walked right out, m’lord. I don't right know where she’s gone but I thought, m’lord, I thought you ought to know. Whatever my husband said. I kicked the boy out. It’s a terrible thing he’s done. It’s a sin, is what it is. The gods… the gods know…”

And the queen may not have thought much of his smarts, but Aemond is his mother’s son. He may not understand it fully, but he understands enough for his gut to clench in cold horror, for his hands to tremble as he grabs this woman’s heaving shoulders and rattles the truth out of her.

“She was still bleeding when she left, m’lord, the gods know where she went and the babe… the babe—“

Aemond cuts her off, not with a word but with a noise like a wounded beast, a noise that Vhagar echoes in her fitful slumber high above the cliffs of Blackwater Bay. Aemond’s cruel hands fall upon your aunt’s face, as they had upon Helaena’s fingers, upon your own slender neck, always ready to tear it to pieces, to enact destruction so he won’t have to bear truth. He should’ve silenced her, your kin, not your blood, but your kin nonetheless. The woman whose pinned up braid taught you how to put up your own hair out of the way to struggle and toil for royal men too stupid to appreciate it. He should’ve cut off her tongue and sewn up her mouth before anything else dared tumble out of it, before he can form any clearer a picture than he already has. A picture that may have demanded he cut her down, her and all her wretched progeny.

“Where?” He hisses through clenched teeth and your aunt, heedless of kitchen gossip and keep decorum, takes a prince’s hand, a grieving, furious boy’s hand, to lead him out into the streets where your blood has bloomed red indeed.

[aranarumei]

you WILL read my visions of hanzawa to tashiro

hi. I’m kiri. nice to see you here. this entire post is inspired by this lovely poll conducted by @dirtbra1n, specifically regarding the outfits tashiro would wear for the beauty contest (this is what I’m calling the crossdressing competition, if that name seems unfamiliar) in his third year. I shall also be referencing some of their writings because they are like, creative director for the hanzawa to tashiro ‘verse. if you have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about, uh. ask me ig. the point is, basically I started thinking about the actual realities of hanzawa to tashiro as like, a manga or just as a like, semi-linear story, and I was thinking about how exactly the school festival in tashiro’s third year would flow into that. and so I reread the chapters surrounding the school festival in sasaki to miyano, and this post became almost 6k. so I’m leaving the rest under the cut. technically, all of this is just voter propaganda.

to outline my thoughts a little bit, I voted “sailor style uniform (black & red)” in the poll originally but I was. Intrigued by the option that was just “other (elaborate) (please)” because like… well, what if there was a better option, one that I hadn't considered? you can find my reasoning for picking that outfit in the tags of the poll, but I'll be going over it again, so there’s no need. anyways, I was dwelling on it. wondering how to figure out what outfit might work best. and I wanted to confirm that miyano’s outfit for the contest had indeed been a kimono bc like. god what if I was wrong. so I reread the festival chapters.

and let me tell you!! when you are no longer looking at sasaki and miyano during the festival chapters, there is So Much Stuff happening!! first off: to confirm, miyano’s outfit is referred to as a “kimono-style outfit” [ch 22, sasaki to miyano] in the translation I’m reading, which to me is one of the reasons I’d argue against that being tashiro’s competition outfit—it would be a repetition of the previous year. 

and then, to my absolute surprise, kuresawa as understudy is wearing what looks like… a sailor uniform [ch 23, sasaki to miyano], and from googling screencaps of the anime it looks like it is very specifically a black & red sailor uniform! (perhaps this is where the poll choice originated)

to go on a bit of a tangent, I remember the exact moment I realized that a large part of hirano to kagiura’s timeline was taking place in volume one of sasaki to miyano. like as I write this, the hirano of hirano to kagiura isn’t even a third year! thinking on that, for the timeline of hanzawa to tashiro, I think it would be interesting if it started sort of later in the sasaki to miyano timeline—miyano’s (and therefore tashiro’s) third year. with flashes back towards previous years as needs must (I personally would love to see a lot more of the ping pong club). (yeah I’m so normal about the fact that the anthology comic had short stories with sasamiya hirakagi and hanzashiro. so normal why do u ask.) with that in mind, placing the beginning of hanzawa to tashiro around tashiro’s third year gives me a better idea what exactly I want the festival to represent—a launchpad for the Main Ideas and Themes that will develop throughout a theoretical hanzawa to tashiro. this includes but is not limited to tashiro’s exploration of gender. this is in contrast to how I’d argue the festival functions in sasaki to miyano, where it is the like. Realization Point for the whole story? after chapters upon chapters of miyano dissecting his relationship with sasaki, he finally… overlaps with him, literally, in their inner thoughts. it’s an obvious requiting of feelings—what the series has been building up to since the start. on the other hand, I see this festival more like the “do you want to kiss him?” [ch 6, hirano to kagiura] question of hirano to kagiura—it’s what catapults the hanzawa to tashiro story into action. 

but before we get to that: what are hanzawa and tashiro up to in the previous year’s festival?  

when the beauty contest is first brought up, there’s a couple of outfit suggestions thrown forward: sailor outfit, blazer, temple priestess (I assume this is a miko, though I’m unsure of what’s said in the original japanese), and a teacher uniform. not much to say regarding this—it’s a pretty quick moment that illustrates what some common choices could be. (love hanzawa by the way for being like hm. maybe we need to question these guys to make sure they’re not developing a biased view of women [ch 19, sasaki to miyano])

as for how all this crossdressing is facilitated, hanzawa masato has a big sister who cosplays [ch 19, sasaki to miyano]. we know he also has two brothers who are gay and like that’s why it’s like. carry on the family line… this is something you’ll feel so normal about. no worries. that interests me. first off: masato middle child having crazy elder sibling vibes to everyone else makes him so interesting. he’s just like me for real. it does make me wonder like… huh, doesn’t he have a big sister to also possibly carry on the family line…? but I suppose she would likely change her last name if she ever got married. still that’s an interesting dimension to the entire situation. the idea of his big sister cosplaying is also so good because it means that every sibling masato has is kind of quirky. I mean I personally don’t imagine masato’s big sister as a secretive cosplayer if she’s lending her stuff out like this. so the image of hanzawa masato being his freakish (affectionate) dyed hair secret piercings normal self around his siblings who are like very out and about with their eccentricities (only eccentric as it compares to “normal” societal ideals, of course) compels me. 

next detail I want to harp on about: the scene where tashiro is stunned by kuresawa in a wig [ch 22, sasaki to miyano] like. Gets Me. because as far as I can tell there, kuresawa is not doing anything but wearing a wig and not wearing his glasses (which, to be fair, can make one nigh unrecognizable. I used to win staring contests by taking off my glasses bc ppl would be so surprised by my face they’d blink). and this beauty contest, along with earlier chapters, make the point that even though miyano looks quite cute, he is not exactly feminine to the point of being like a standard girl. when hanzawa’s helping him with the kimono, he’s like. ah this was a good choice. kuresawa was a given, but you’ve got pretty broad shoulders, too. [ch 22, sasaki to miyano] so we see affirmations of miyano’s masculinity here. the point of this is that tashiro sees what he assumes to be a cute girl improbably in an all-boys school, and immediately goes up to say hi, even though this cute girl is taller than him and also just kuresawa in a wig. what this says to me is that the Lines of Gender are much blurrier for tashiro than they are for miyano, which interests me.

(will not comment on the way miyano reacts to the situation like. please stop telling me abt this or I will have bl fantasies. and how imagining tashiro in one is a "little too easy" [ch 22, sasaki to miyano] like. I think this says what it says)

tashiro is actually so gender this festival. he’s has fun discussing what his “female name” would be and it’s literally just gon-chan, which is not a different reading or a replacing part of the name with “ko,” it is just a shortened version of his name + -chan. and miyano’s like you’re way too accepting of this. [ch 24.5, sasaki to miyano] once again, they contrast each other: tashiro is somewhat interested in this whole affair while miyano wants to be completely separate from it. part of that is due to miyano being hyper-aware of his lack of masculine features and therefore specifically against crossing any sort of gender boundaries—this is evident in how kuresawa is also much more chill about the experience, but while tashiro is also chill, unlike kuresawa he seems genuinely invested and even delighted? 

this is further compounded by the scene post-festival where shirahama wants to be not-single for christmas and then tashiro goes. want me to crossdress...? [ch 28, sasaki to miyano] like okay. tashiro’s offer is indicating that maybe he’s still thinking about the beauty contest in a way that others maybe didn’t. also how he assumes this is like. Functionally Equivalent or at least a Salve to shirahama lacking a girlfriend… do u see the #girl inherent here. the blurring of tashiro’s gender. in this same scene, miyano is then surprised by how unfazed tashiro is about the concept of sasaki and miyano dating. it’s a fun contrast to shirahama many chapters later who is unsure if they’re even supposed to discuss their relationship in public [ch 42, sasaki to miyano]. 

we learn a lot about hanzawa around this time, too. the festival and proceeding chapters are when we learn of hanzawa’s brothers, his joking-but-not-really pressure to carry on the family line, and specifically, a very illuminating conversation he has with his older brother—where he blurts out "i wish you'd stop bringing every conversation around to romance!" [ch 28, sasaki to miyano] 

I would say that this, by far, is the most outwardly emotional we ever see hanzawa masato get. and it’s such an interesting sentiment, because hanzawa clearly does have an interest in romance—“I sensed someone was having relationship troubles, so I came running” and “I do enjoy stories of other people, so long as I don’t get caught up in any displays of jealousy” [both from ch 38, sasaki to miyano] and really, his whole demeanor in hirano to kagiura where he’s carefully watching their relationship to the point that he recognizes the specific ringtone kagiura is coded to on hirano’s phone. [ch 39, sasaki to miyano] miyano literally points this out in his head in the actual chapter hanzawa has this outburst. hanzawa masato clearly likes romance—I think he just doesn’t like it when it’s applied to himself. [see: this post by @dirtbra1n for further reading]

tashiro also has an awkward relationship with romance. once sasaki and miyano get together for real, tashiro asks what their dates are like (“normal stuff”) and then asks what kuresawa and his gf’s dates are like (“normal stuff”) and gets frustrated because like, what does that even mean, right? [ch 33, sasaki to miyano] note the way tashiro draws no real line of differentiation between kuresawa and miyano’s relationships in this conversation, even though in his frustrated outburst, he bemoans the lack of a girlfriend in specific (at least in the translation I’m working off of)—I genuinely feel like the lines of gender and sexuality are fairly blurred for tashiro and he just hasn’t noticed it. we then hear that the one time he’d been to a group date he was so nervous he’d forgotten the entire ordeal. (man and he goes to one again and makes fun of shiarahama for being the only one who didn’t get a girlfriend out of it even though he also didn't get one. [ch 43, sasaki to miyano]) so like, with tashiro’s lack of experience and hanzawa’s general avoidance, I think they could be weird about romance… together. [see: this post by @dirtbra1n which encapsulates what makes the concept fun]

it’s telling to me that hanzawa’s outburst is about romantic pressure, while the clarification that comes after where he says not gay and is attracted to women is a much more minor conversation. I don’t think hanzawa is purposefully lying here—I think, for him, it’s easy enough to say he’s attracted to women, simply because he’s not yet attracted to anyone, and sticking to the “default” is easy enough. like he says here, he enjoys spending time with his friends. and I think it’s obvious, the way hanzawa loves his friends, the way he’s always looking after them and worrying about their relationships, and the way he gives advice. (imagine throwing “I don’t get involved with women I don’t intend to marry” [ch 21.5, sasaki to miyano] ogasawara at hanzawa tho. I think the results would be hysterical.)

a really fun detail in this conversation: his brother says he hangs out with a lot of girls but doesn’t date any of them, which is partially why he’d suspected hanzawa was gay. during the festival, while hirano and hanzawa are chatting, hanzawa mentions asking his female friends for information on their taste, and hirano is like oh… not your girlfriend? and refers to a girl named kaede, who hanzawa refers to as just a friend. [ch 27.5, sasaki to miyano] at the movies, hanzawa’s with someone when he spots sasaki and miyano on a movie date—and she calls him masato-kun! [ch 27, sasaki to miyano] I don’t think this is his big sister since she’d be more likely to call him maa-kun, and the color of this girl’s hair isn’t the same screentone as the rest of the hanzawa family. this isn’t like super relevant analysis-wise but like. I’m taking notes so I can work her into hanzawa to tashiro. the fact that there are these girls hanzawa is friends with that we basically never see (harusono show us the forbidden women) does remind me of that one time miyano and ogasawara discuss hanzawa’s number of clones [ch 27, sasaki to miyano] and it’s like… yeah, he’s leading so many separate lives. 

that’s about all I wanted to touch on regarding previous events, so now I can talk about the prospective hanzawa to tashiro festival and specifically, tashiro’s experience with the beauty contest that year. 

the options presented in the poll mentioned earlier were: a sailor style uniform, a kimono, and a maid uniform, with some variations on presentation for each outfit. I think maid uniforms are boring so no comments there. in hanzawa to tashiro it would be brought up as a suggestion once and then get shut down, probably. the kimono was done by miyano last year, and I doubt anyone is raring to compare themselves against him, because miyano was pretty good, competition-wise. tashiro brings up the idea of doing a sort of, idol-outfit, because I have made up the idea in my head that while he’s not wildly into them, tashiro probably appreciates the cute & bright idol aesthetic as well as their clear voices. 

“idol outfits are complicated,” someone will say. “how’s anyone even gonna pull that off?” 

and tashiro, unthinking, will reply, “ah… you’re right! last year hanzawa-senpai helped us out, but what are we gonna do this year?” the class has turned to stare at him. “...what?” 

“hey, tashiro… you’d make an okay girl, wouldn’t you?” 

shirahama had brought it up (half-joking, half-knowing because he’d been in the same middle school as tashiro and there were just ways you knew things when you had been around someone long enough) when they were trying to figure out who would participate earlier, and tashiro hadn’t—disagreed, necessarily. besides, miyano was firmly against participating again, and kuresawa was in a different class, and though they’d gotten sidetracked by the discussions of what outfits would look best, well—tashiro had been a pretty decent option in the end, hadn’t he? 

and it’s convenient, anyways. tashiro’s close with hanzawa and could totally ask him for a favor. if tashiro goes to message hanzawa, he’ll see that they texted just two days ago. hanzawa had been such a reliable force as a third year—even now, he’d probably be happy to help one of his dear kouhais, wouldn’t he? 

in the face of all of that, tashiro objects not to joining the beauty contest but rather the idea of bothering hanzawa when he shouldn’t. and technically tashiro is always bothering hanzawa over text when he thinks of something random and messages him about it, but there’s a difference between that and taking so much of hanzawa’s precious time. but at the insistence of his classmates he concedes that at the very least, he’ll ask, and when he does, hanzawa agrees. this would be a surprise if tashiro did not know that hanzawa was always that nice, even when he was being kind of mean. 

once the Reality of doing the beauty contest sets in, I think tashiro would agree: idol outfits are complicated. if he’s doing this, he’d like his outfit to be something that isn’t a pain to wear. (for anyone who believes in an alternate universe where he does go with an idol outfit, go wild with it. this is but one of many paths) they can’t quite settle on an outfit yet that day, and like he’s reading their minds, hanzawa suggests that tashiro simply. invite himself over and decide that way. the class leaves tashiro with strict instructions to text their festival groupchat for final approval, and that’s… that. tashiro’s a little worried about how much time he’s taking up in the precious hours of the day hanzawa has, but he’s not… complaining, really.

before he meets up with hanzawa, tashiro and kuresawa probably end up talking about the festival. kuresawa’s probably not doing it this time, as I think he did it last year to support miyano more than anything else. I mean, he was the entire reason an understudy existed the previous year. “there’s no tasuko for you to fall for, unfortunately,” kuresawa says in the driest voice possible, and tashiro contemplates strangling him but like, only in a slapstick sense. even in his imaginations he’s not capable of great violence. but he does hope that gon-chan will look better than tasuko, at the very least. 

so the day arrives and they try on a couple of outfits that either hanzawa or tashiro suggest, but none of them look quite right or some of them are hard to judge since tashiro can’t even fit into them, and even the ones that he does fit into would need to be adjusted. after he’s tried on a miko outfit they both remember miyano’s kimono, and so they dig that out and try it on, and obviously they can’t reuse to same outfit as last year, but it’s then that tashiro remembers. hey. isn’t the sailor uniform kuresawa wore here? because I imagine post-festival, hanzawa simply took the costumes back since they were his sister’s. (insert nozaki cursing the fact that he’s not a bishounen and can’t wear sailor uniforms here. actually very seriously if you want delightful poking fun at shoujo romance tropes and just the most bisexual cast ever u should read gekkan shoujo nozaki kun.) 

and tashiro tries it on and it like. fits pretty well! the shoulders are maybe a bit broader than they need to be, but it rests on his frame in a way that feels like he’s actually in the correct clothing. and it needs some minor adjustments, but it’s comfortable, just like he wanted. and hanzawa is laughing all of a sudden and tashiro is a little defensive, because hanzawa says, “tashiro-kun, that doesn’t suit you at all,” and tashiro says, “what is that supposed to mean?” even though he knows the answer is probably that he’s grown taller [ch 33.6, sasaki to miyano] (at this current moment, he has forgotten that hanzawa’s sister is hanzawa’s height [ch 22, sasaki to miyano]) and at that point, it means that he probably just looks silly… but hanzawa instead says, “ah. don’t you think you look kind of like a delinquent? that dyed hair and that black and red sailor uniform… it’s certainly not a pure image, is it?”

“do I seem pure usually?” tashiro asks, breathing a little easier already. 

“sometimes,” hanzawa says. “only when you’re an idiot.” and before tashiro can get too mad hanzawa inspects the outfit for a while longer and tells him, “a dramatic image change… that could be fun. you said it’s comfortable, so that’s a bonus—maybe keep wearing it while we look at some other outfits? so you’ll notice if anything is wrong with it while your classmates discuss.”

so tashiro snaps a quick selfie and is fake-aggrieved about hanzawa calling him a delinquent, and the class groupchat realizes that while miyano had flubbed his script lines a little the last time, tashiro was far less self-conscious and they could go all out on concept, which meant that he was just wearing a sailor uniform at this moment, but he could absolutely be like. a high school girl rockstar. it’s not like we’d win based on your face alone, someone would text, and tashiro would be a little annoyed about it but pleased at the way hanzawa had looked pleased, anyways. hanzawa was right about the colors not suiting him, too. maybe a brighter color…? that wouldn’t fit the concept they’d decided on, but he still knows he’d look better in a different color. but either way, it seems like the outfit’s good, so he can change back to his normal clothes.

so that’s my explanation as to how, exactly, a “sailor style uniform (black & red)” would work. I’ve provided the means and the method. but like… conceptually, why is a black & red sailor uniform (possibly) the best choice?

my argument starts with the joy of a sailor uniform in general. unlike a lot of other possibilities, it's an outfit that is casual and fun and comfortable, so tashiro would feel fairly natural in it. at this very moment, under this context, it's a Costume, but for a girl attending school, it could just be her everyday outfit. and that’s good in comparison to something like a maid outfit, which feels more obvious in its construction as a performance. but if you wear something that is kind of an everyday outfit, it blurs the lines between what's Real and what is being Performed, right? 

the reason I prefer (black & red) over (white & blue) is that black and red is a bit of an... unusual color scheme, as I had hanzawa point out for me. as I outlined above, it gives the class a Concept to latch onto, and a reason for tashiro to wear something that’s a bit simple yet have that be his entry for the beauty contest. shirahama 100% writes the script section. I believe in his gal game experience. so black and red pushes the outfit more into costuming territory and gives the believability of a Performance, but it also does so in a way that centers the Performance on like, tashiro having a kind of edge that he usually doesn’t, not on him actually crossdressing. 

so this gives a third year tashiro both the space to explore gender while being partially in denial about it if needed. and the fact that he can do both will actually force him into making More Realizations about his gender, I think, because if it’s meant to be easy to deny something but it’s hard for you, well… what does that say about yourself? tashiro here is also fulfilling one of harusono’s favorite character things, where there’s a "bad boy that absolutely is not a bad boy" with tashiro’s pudding hair and delinquent concept. I also think he’d pierce his ears later as a gender thing so he’d really fit with that, then. 

I touched on this a little above but I truly believe that at some point, tashiro looks at himself and thinks that the colors don’t really suit him, and thinks that if he was picking out a version of this outfit just for himself, he’d change the colors to what he liked, and then come to the realization that the skirt is actually not like, the reason he feels odd in this outfit. for the other poll options of kimono and maid I’ve already touched on why I’m not too interested in them (done by miyano before + feels a little too tropey)

also I want tashiro to be sharp and black and red because he is so often spring green. simply for the image of it and nothing else. I want to see this come alive alongside the image of hanzawa staring at his reflection in the river, bleeding out, water colored partially with strange-pink-red blood masking his face from himself. whatever. I just have a need to position tashiro on this swath of blues like a sharp shock.

much love to @sunnnfish for bringing up the fact that a sailor style uniform, is, well, a sailor style uniform—it has a built-in connection to the water! which is wonderful, because hanzawa is partially being drowned by a river [see: this post by @dirtbra1n which elaborates a little on the river metaphor] and tashiro is. well. in this concept, he’s a sailor, which makes the opposing ways they interact with the idea of the river so interesting. hanzawa is like an anchor without a ship. sinking to rest at the bottom, dead and forgotten. but tie an anchor to a ship and it transforms from just a dead weight into something brilliantly useful. hanzawa is transformed too, I think, when he’s able to be useful. when he can care for his friends. 

as you can see, I couldn’t think of an “other (elaborate) (please)” option that would win over that sailor style outfit, because the moment I saw kuresawa wearing it, I felt like it was fate. however I do have some different outfit suggestions and possible directions in terms of what to do with them… in my mind these are just various things hanzawa gets tashiro to try on before they settle on the sailor outfit. I like the idea of an idol outfit—that’s why it’s a suggestion that tashiro gives before rejecting it, and the concept tashiro’s playing in the beauty contest is a kind of idol-esque figure, just not one with with all the frills. and I mentioned both a miko outfit and a kimono outfit as stuff tashiro tried on, mostly just because: 

hanzawa masato doesn’t like sundays. the shrine won’t be performing any exorcisms today. to be more specific, the miko that greets him feels his forehead with a warm hand and decides that he’s in good health. he doesn’t want her to know how little he values her judgment, so he bows to offer a prayer instead. [i of iii: ghosts, by @dirtbra1n] 

and

it’s night now, and everything that was green is either dark orange or blood red. dim and damp alleyways run jaggedly between impersonal skyscrapers and crumbling, very old storefronts. gonzaburou’s scared as hell about it. it’s all really cool. he’s standing on damp cobblestone, staring down at his scattered reflection. his hair is loose, and his roots have grown out way more than he likes. a dark kimono hangs loose off his frame. he frowns. [ii of iii: blood in the water, by @dirtbra1n]

and 

masato turns his head, creaky like a wooden doll. “…tashiro-kun.” kimono-clad, he offers a hand. “you’re not face first in muck this time.” [iii of iii: funeral arrangements, by @dirtbra1n]

since these outfits / images appear in hanzawa’s dreamscape I would personally love to mess with him and have the lines of reality to blur sooo badly for him. if I used these posts as a springboard I think it could be very fun in terms of balancing the wild metaphors hanzawa is living between and tashiro’s very Present self. I do think there is a universe where one of these ends up being the main choice and there’s a wonderful dive into it imagery-wise.

moving past the beauty contest, I fully believe the actual activity their class is doing a haunted house. I have a need for hanzawa masato to be inflicted by metaphorical ghosts along with crude ghost costumes. like I want him to experience the horrors while besieged by the tame horrors of an earnestly-created haunted house. the thought consumes me. 

way earlier, I said that I thought this festival would be a great launchpad in terms of really starting to explore and develop the main themes in hanzawa to tashiro. I think I’ve illustrated a lot of that just with what I’ve touched on above but… I’ll elaborate some more, here.

to me this festival brings up pretty much all of the main points that I think I’d want to address in a prospective hanzawa to tashiro: front and center is obviously the roots of exploring tashiro’s gender—him being older now, I assume that his hair, though slow growing, is growing, and I think if he let it down it would be… not long, but longer than would be seen as “normal”? so I think they would just style his real hair for the festival, which again blurs the lines of what’s real and what’s just a performance. his hair would be mostly brown with those blond tips, still, and when teased about how long it had gotten he’d sheepishly explain to hanzawa-senpai that every time he thought about dyeing it again he could hear hanzawa scolding him. and he didn’t want to go and trim the blond parts because, well. that would be boring. and hanzawa would laugh again only it would be a little softer and he’d say, “well, that’s very you, tashiro-kun,” and maybe he’d twirl a strand of it around his fingers, the blond tips bleach-brittle. 

and I think that the eventual “I really need to cut it some time…” comment, the beauty contest, the casual way the outfit had settled on his shoulders, the way the only thing that had felt out-of-character was the color of the outfit and the script his classmates had written… I think it would get tashiro questioning, a little. maybe he’d ask, again, how many piercings hanzawa had gotten, and even with no proper answer, decide to get his own. and while the piercings healed he would notice, when stores sold earrings, and then pick a few pairs out for himself. wear them on a casual day out. 

but before that, tashiro would be hanging out with hanzawa during the festival, and they’d be interacting within the framework of that familiar school even though hanzawa was now in university, but they’d also be interacting within the bounds of a school festival, which is an interesting mix of public and private that would really force someone to consider the way that they’re seen. the beauty contest would do the same. and so hanzawa would be hyper-aware of the idea of masks, and so, too, would tashiro. in his third year, hanzawa played fortune teller without a bad boy outfit because it had unsettled the rest of his class. [ch 26, sasaki to miyano] he probably has the most piercings out of all of them… not that he would let anyone know the number [second year novel illustrations and extras, sasaki to miyano (I spent way too long looking for this. in this same category kuresawa says ‘tashiro bought a gun’ and offers no further context) ]. but you can’t put hanzawa masato into a bad boy outfit and have it work, because he’s already performing a role, and I don’t think he knows how to switch out of it. 

and this same person is in university now, which is a very interesting place to be, because you’re still in school, but expected to be an Adult, which means he’s definitely being crushed by both the expectation of what he’s meant to do as well as the expectation that he should be doing things with more freedom than ever before. my mother once told me a story about a boy who is the son of the ship’s captain. and when it’s sinking, he waits patiently until the captain tells him what to do, and the ship is saved. she was told this same story when she was about to graduate high school, and this time, the boy drowned because he couldn’t think for himself. how confusing, to be expected to change the way you think so suddenly, she told me, and I think the same applies to hanzawa. 

and hanzawa, after devoting time to a festival that he’s no longer part of, would see tashiro in his element—helping out other classes, chatting up strangers, interacting with everyone with ease and being likable, the way he is naturally, the way hanzawa masato wakes up feeling like he’s forcing himself to be, knowing that the real thing in front of him is like this, unmatched—  

see, tashiro gets in extra practice with ping pong because there’s a table at a bathhouse on the way home. he’s charmed the older folks there so he helps out with cleaning, plays ping pong with them, and gets snacks in return. [ch 33, sasaki to miyano] one time he’d dragged hanzawa there and they’d had a nice bit of extra practice, but hanzawa doesn’t remember the ping pong as much as he remembers the way tashiro had so easily fit into conversation with everyone there, the way he was so clearly and plainly adored— 

hanzawa sees all of that, and then tashiro turns towards him and worries if hanzawa’s doing too much work. if he’s stretching himself thin, being here. if there’s anything he can do to help. and hanzawa would tell him, “you’re right, this does make me busier… but I like this kind of work.” and tashiro would know, plainly and truly, that hanzawa masato liked being around people. that he desired it, even. how embarrassing. I do think it would push hanzawa somewhere—the change he’s witnessing in tashiro and the way their relationship functions, even as they talk like normal. all of this happening in a space where there are crowds milling about and people hanzawa doesn’t know—both those from outside the school and all of the first years he has never met.

hanzawa would be sweet and sour in the way tashiro describes him [ch 33, sasaki to miyano] and it would be the same but feel different. like even the sour parts had their own kind of saccharine edge. maybe after tashiro changed back into his regular clothes, it felt strange to just leave, so he gets hanzawa to take him around his university. and maybe he meets kaede or some of hanzawa’s university friends and is reminded of hanzawa’s seventeen dual lives or however many there are at this point, and—wants. strangely. to—not even to be in every one of those spheres. but to know him better. 

it’s not like hanzawa changed much after graduation, it’s just that… tashiro is looking at him more, now. 

his class would lose the beauty contest, and tashiro would look at his sailor outfit and say, “it’s really not my color, anyways,” and hanzawa would hum in agreement. “you’re much more suited to spring greens, tashiro,” he’d say, and tashiro would huff a small laugh and say, “of course you know my favorite color,” and see if hanzawa was in a good enough mood to tell him was his favorite color was, too.

(and maybe, in the midst of all of this, tashiro is thinking about that damn water bottle he still has—the one hanzawa had told him to keep, the year before. there was something else that was being bottled here, too. sometime later they’d learn how to unscrew the cap.)